1 00:00:00,040 --> 00:00:02,240 Speaker 1: All right, guys, we are you know, often here at 2 00:00:02,279 --> 00:00:08,200 Speaker 1: Kiss FM talking about relationships and the struggle that relationships, romance, 3 00:00:08,280 --> 00:00:11,320 Speaker 1: the intimacy and the romance department can be. And we thought, 4 00:00:11,360 --> 00:00:13,800 Speaker 1: why not tear down that wall and have a conversation 5 00:00:13,840 --> 00:00:16,560 Speaker 1: here and let you text in to four one or 6 00:00:16,560 --> 00:00:20,040 Speaker 1: two seven. Any questions you may have for some experts 7 00:00:20,040 --> 00:00:23,919 Speaker 1: today is do we have any music for this? Okay, 8 00:00:24,000 --> 00:00:27,000 Speaker 1: so we've got Dr Shannon Qureshi on the line with 9 00:00:27,080 --> 00:00:31,040 Speaker 1: us now. Dr Shannon Qureshi is a naturally recognized expert 10 00:00:31,080 --> 00:00:36,839 Speaker 1: therapist and educator specializing in all things sexuality. Based in 11 00:00:36,880 --> 00:00:39,400 Speaker 1: Beverly Hills, She works with individuals and couples of all 12 00:00:39,440 --> 00:00:43,440 Speaker 1: genders and orientations to address sexual concerns and build sexual 13 00:00:43,440 --> 00:00:46,360 Speaker 1: awareness through therapy, coaching, and education. This is what we 14 00:00:46,440 --> 00:00:50,120 Speaker 1: all need. Dr Shannon, thank you for coming on. How 15 00:00:50,159 --> 00:00:53,680 Speaker 1: are you hi? Doing well? Thanks for having me? What 16 00:00:54,160 --> 00:00:57,040 Speaker 1: is they're probably several? What is one of the most 17 00:00:57,240 --> 00:00:59,480 Speaker 1: common things you hear when people come to you as 18 00:00:59,520 --> 00:01:04,080 Speaker 1: a couple? Most common is uneven sex drive? So uneven 19 00:01:04,120 --> 00:01:06,959 Speaker 1: desire and find to figure out how to navigate that? 20 00:01:07,680 --> 00:01:09,080 Speaker 1: And what do you tell him to that? What do 21 00:01:09,120 --> 00:01:12,440 Speaker 1: you say to that. Well, first, I normalize that it's common. 22 00:01:12,560 --> 00:01:15,640 Speaker 1: We're not necessarily going to have the same desire for sex, 23 00:01:15,760 --> 00:01:18,000 Speaker 1: but we have to talk about it. I think often 24 00:01:18,000 --> 00:01:20,560 Speaker 1: with couples, they don't know how to have the conversation. 25 00:01:21,000 --> 00:01:23,800 Speaker 1: So we start with normalizing it, talking about it, and 26 00:01:23,840 --> 00:01:28,479 Speaker 1: then creating suggestions that are easy for couples to start. 27 00:01:28,600 --> 00:01:30,520 Speaker 1: You know, the most couples have had this issue for 28 00:01:30,560 --> 00:01:32,720 Speaker 1: a while, so you have to start slow and start 29 00:01:32,800 --> 00:01:38,080 Speaker 1: building that that drive back and motivation for connection. Okay, 30 00:01:38,160 --> 00:01:40,800 Speaker 1: so let's get to one here. This is from Kayla 31 00:01:40,959 --> 00:01:43,640 Speaker 1: in Panorama City. You can text right now Dr Shannon 32 00:01:44,040 --> 00:01:47,400 Speaker 1: text into four one or two seven therapist educators specializing 33 00:01:47,400 --> 00:01:50,840 Speaker 1: in all things sexuality. So kayleb in Panorama City says, 34 00:01:50,920 --> 00:01:54,840 Speaker 1: any advice on how to get over your boyfriend's sexual past. 35 00:01:55,000 --> 00:01:57,880 Speaker 1: Right before we started dating, he took hookups way more 36 00:01:57,960 --> 00:02:01,160 Speaker 1: casually than I ever have, and it's been really messing 37 00:02:01,200 --> 00:02:03,560 Speaker 1: with my head. He said. As soon as he met me, 38 00:02:03,840 --> 00:02:07,400 Speaker 1: he knew he wanted a serious relationship and was overall that. 39 00:02:07,480 --> 00:02:08,880 Speaker 1: But I'm having a hard time. What do you say 40 00:02:08,880 --> 00:02:12,960 Speaker 1: to that? Dr Shannon. Yes, we call that retroactive jealousy. 41 00:02:13,040 --> 00:02:16,520 Speaker 1: It's common because we fantasize about our partner's past. So 42 00:02:16,560 --> 00:02:18,639 Speaker 1: I would ask yourself, what are the things that I'm 43 00:02:18,639 --> 00:02:22,400 Speaker 1: telling myself? Is it that we had a better experience 44 00:02:22,440 --> 00:02:24,919 Speaker 1: with someone else? I often see it a good thing 45 00:02:25,000 --> 00:02:27,480 Speaker 1: when partners were able to talk about their past. So 46 00:02:27,560 --> 00:02:30,519 Speaker 1: I would actually say, that's a good sign of intimacy 47 00:02:30,560 --> 00:02:33,519 Speaker 1: and trust in your current relationship. So not to get 48 00:02:33,520 --> 00:02:36,240 Speaker 1: so fixated on the past. Focus on what's happening in 49 00:02:36,280 --> 00:02:39,440 Speaker 1: your current relationship and what are some of those strengths, 50 00:02:39,480 --> 00:02:43,160 Speaker 1: and to focus on how, um, you're kind of moving 51 00:02:43,200 --> 00:02:46,720 Speaker 1: past that and you're in a new relationship. Very good advice. 52 00:02:46,840 --> 00:02:52,119 Speaker 1: Did you find that people have different feelings about intimacy 53 00:02:52,200 --> 00:02:56,880 Speaker 1: depending on the day of the week asking for a friend? Absolutely, 54 00:02:56,880 --> 00:03:00,600 Speaker 1: intimacy changes daily. So intimacy is also many facet It's 55 00:03:00,639 --> 00:03:03,880 Speaker 1: not just sex, it's communication, it's emotional connection and for 56 00:03:03,960 --> 00:03:07,840 Speaker 1: some people given spiritual and deeper connections. So it does change, 57 00:03:07,880 --> 00:03:09,480 Speaker 1: and we have to kind of go with the flow 58 00:03:09,520 --> 00:03:12,040 Speaker 1: of that and not get too attached to how things were. 59 00:03:12,360 --> 00:03:15,600 Speaker 1: So he since she's saying Tuesday, don't worry, okay, um 60 00:03:15,720 --> 00:03:19,280 Speaker 1: from the eight one eight, I'm needing advice on how 61 00:03:19,280 --> 00:03:21,959 Speaker 1: to handle my boyfriend's phone obsession. He never gets off 62 00:03:21,960 --> 00:03:24,280 Speaker 1: his phone. He wakes up and he's on all day 63 00:03:24,360 --> 00:03:25,960 Speaker 1: until he goes to bed. If we have sex, he 64 00:03:26,000 --> 00:03:29,840 Speaker 1: puts it down and as soon as it's over, he's 65 00:03:29,880 --> 00:03:32,799 Speaker 1: back on it. Yanks, All right, what do you say, 66 00:03:33,000 --> 00:03:36,000 Speaker 1: Dr Shannon? Not on common? I mean everyone has a 67 00:03:36,000 --> 00:03:37,840 Speaker 1: little bit of a phone of session. But I think 68 00:03:37,840 --> 00:03:40,240 Speaker 1: it's a habit, and we have to talk about habits 69 00:03:40,240 --> 00:03:44,120 Speaker 1: and boundaries, especially with connection time. So often we may 70 00:03:44,200 --> 00:03:46,360 Speaker 1: feel we want our partners not to use their phone 71 00:03:46,360 --> 00:03:48,440 Speaker 1: as much, but we don't actually know how to say it. 72 00:03:49,000 --> 00:03:52,080 Speaker 1: So I would, you know, open up the conversation around it. 73 00:03:52,120 --> 00:03:55,280 Speaker 1: And boundaries can be something like this, when we're connecting 74 00:03:55,400 --> 00:03:57,960 Speaker 1: or we're being sexual. When we're off the phone, I 75 00:03:58,000 --> 00:04:00,160 Speaker 1: feel more present with you. So we have of a 76 00:04:00,200 --> 00:04:03,480 Speaker 1: better time to talk about some of the advantages rather 77 00:04:03,560 --> 00:04:06,480 Speaker 1: than shaming them or making them feel bad about that habit. 78 00:04:06,520 --> 00:04:08,880 Speaker 1: Because let's face it, a lot of people have this habit. 79 00:04:09,040 --> 00:04:12,720 Speaker 1: It's not uncommon. Put it in a drawer, put right like, 80 00:04:12,760 --> 00:04:15,760 Speaker 1: put it away the phone, so it's not even you 81 00:04:15,760 --> 00:04:18,640 Speaker 1: can't even have it in your eyesight, right in your eyeline. 82 00:04:18,800 --> 00:04:21,120 Speaker 1: Set it outside of the room. You know, even getting 83 00:04:21,200 --> 00:04:23,400 Speaker 1: out of the out of the space that way, it's 84 00:04:23,440 --> 00:04:25,719 Speaker 1: not tempting to kind of reach over and just get 85 00:04:25,800 --> 00:04:28,920 Speaker 1: right back into it, especially when you're connecting. I mean, 86 00:04:28,920 --> 00:04:31,599 Speaker 1: you should be relaxed and really focusing that attention on 87 00:04:31,640 --> 00:04:35,560 Speaker 1: each other. Dr Shannon Shaw is QURESHI here any other 88 00:04:35,640 --> 00:04:37,880 Speaker 1: questions here from the team from the staff. But I 89 00:04:37,960 --> 00:04:41,920 Speaker 1: love the idea of like not shaming your partner for it, 90 00:04:42,000 --> 00:04:45,560 Speaker 1: but actually bringing out the positive that you do enjoy 91 00:04:45,680 --> 00:04:47,480 Speaker 1: when they're not on their phone. So I do like 92 00:04:47,520 --> 00:04:51,240 Speaker 1: that aspect of it exactly. It kind of reduces reactivity. 93 00:04:51,279 --> 00:04:55,040 Speaker 1: And remember that conversations are about coming to a common understanding, 94 00:04:55,160 --> 00:04:58,040 Speaker 1: So you don't want to fight or argue or create conflict. 95 00:04:58,080 --> 00:05:00,560 Speaker 1: You're trying to get to a good solution, So start 96 00:05:00,600 --> 00:05:03,360 Speaker 1: with a really slow, soft opening. That way, you're not 97 00:05:03,800 --> 00:05:08,280 Speaker 1: creating defensiveness. So many good tips. Well, we'll have you back, 98 00:05:08,360 --> 00:05:10,800 Speaker 1: Dr Shannon, thanks for coming on, Thank you, thanks for 99 00:05:10,839 --> 00:05:15,080 Speaker 1: having me. Okay, bye, this is great. Thank you for 100 00:05:15,120 --> 00:05:17,960 Speaker 1: all of the there's so many great questions coming in. Yeah, 101 00:05:18,120 --> 00:05:20,320 Speaker 1: I'll have to have her back. Dr Shannon East than 102 00:05:20,360 --> 00:05:24,000 Speaker 1: any questions for Dr Shannon next time. Oh man, where 103 00:05:24,040 --> 00:05:26,359 Speaker 1: do I begin. Uh? I got to talk to my 104 00:05:26,360 --> 00:05:30,360 Speaker 1: wife first before I bring it up on a Yeah, 105 00:05:30,440 --> 00:05:33,360 Speaker 1: you should console your wife before you bring it up 106 00:05:33,360 --> 00:05:36,360 Speaker 1: on air. To Dr Shannon, oh my god, we're back 107 00:05:36,400 --> 00:05:37,360 Speaker 1: in a minute to pay a bill.