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Speaker 1: Hey, this is Sam, this is John, and we are

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Speaker 1: the founding hosts of Okay Storytime podcast and we have.

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Speaker 2: Some foundational stories coming up for you.

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Speaker 1: But the thing is this foundation needs a little support

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Speaker 1: from these sponsors. So stick around two minutes and we'll

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Speaker 1: get into the episode.

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Speaker 3: I want to leave my partner after I discovered her past?

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Speaker 2: What is her past?

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Speaker 3: And trigger warning mentions of a and parental abandonment. I

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Speaker 3: thirty three male, met Julie, thirty two female, a little

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Speaker 3: over a year ago at a party and we hit

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Speaker 3: it right off. We went out on one date and

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Speaker 3: I decided right then there that I wanted to see

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Speaker 3: where this would go. So I talked with her after

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Speaker 3: the date the next day and said that I already

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Speaker 3: really liked her, wanted to go out again, and on

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Speaker 3: the second date, asked her if we could be exclusive fast.

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Speaker 3: I know, but I had never had such a connection

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Speaker 3: with anyone before. By the way, this comes from birthday

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Speaker 3: lies And if you want to spit your own stories,

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Speaker 3: go to the r slash Okay story Time zebberd it.

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Speaker 3: I'm Sophia, I'm Dakota, I'm Riley, and we're here to

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Speaker 3: give good advice. Goofley, But we don't have all the answers.

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Speaker 3: We all know what we'd do, so let us know

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Speaker 3: what you would do in the comments, and Op says

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Speaker 3: six months in, one of us was staying the night

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Speaker 3: with the other every single night, so we moved in together.

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Speaker 3: She is bright, funny, schmeksi as heck, and an overall

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Speaker 3: great person. However, about ten months in, while looking for

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Speaker 3: some shoes in our shared closet, I came across a

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Speaker 3: photo of her, another guy, and two small children. Yes,

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Speaker 3: it was in an open box, and I probably shouldn't

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Speaker 3: have looked, but I did, dang.

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Speaker 2: So her secret past is that she abandoned her children.

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Speaker 3: Mmmm. That's a tough one. Oh, that's a tough one.

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Speaker 2: Brother.

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Speaker 3: I had no idea what to think, as she had

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Speaker 3: never mentioned it. I knew it would eat at me

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Speaker 3: if I didn't know, and I figured I might as

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Speaker 3: well come clean about looking at the photo. So when

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Speaker 3: she got home, I simply gave her the photo and

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Speaker 3: asked what this was. She was a little angry at

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Speaker 3: me for looking at the photo, but she said she

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Speaker 3: was at least glad I was honest about telling her.

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Speaker 3: She then began to tell me that this was a

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Speaker 3: photo of her ex husband. I had no idea she

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Speaker 3: was ever married and her son and daughter. At first,

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Speaker 3: I felt horrible because I thought she was about to

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Speaker 3: tell me they were unlive to the car wreck or something.

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Speaker 3: But instead she told me she fled her ex because

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Speaker 3: he was harmful, and then asked about her kids. She

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Speaker 3: told me that she left them with him because his

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Speaker 3: family was better able to help him take care of them.

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Speaker 3: She hasn't seen or spoken to her children in seven years.

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Speaker 4: That seems like two contrasting pieces of information.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, if you care.

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Speaker 4: Enough about your kids where you're like, okay, well I

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Speaker 4: can't take care of you as well as their family kid.

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Speaker 4: But it's not like you would then never talk to them, right,

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Speaker 4: especially if your partner was abusive, you would want to

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Speaker 4: constantly check in with your kids to make sure everything

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Speaker 4: is okay.

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Speaker 3: That doesn't add up to me, especially because it doesn't

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Speaker 3: seem like she's necessarily in like a bad place financially. Yeah,

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Speaker 3: it's not like she could lie take care of the kids.

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Speaker 2: It sounds like a bunch of hooey.

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Speaker 3: I I don't buy it. I was speechless. I thanked

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Speaker 3: her for telling me, apologized again, for seeing the photo,

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Speaker 3: and we went about our day like nothing happened. But

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Speaker 3: the entire thing did not sit right with me. I

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Speaker 3: know this may sound, but what mother leaves their children

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Speaker 3: forever in the care of a person who they say

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Speaker 3: was harmful? I think, just like what parent does that.

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Speaker 3: I mean, like, there are cases where you have to

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Speaker 3: get out and you don't. You literally just don't have

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Speaker 3: the money, or the court takes them away. There are

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Speaker 3: like different scenarios and stuff. But if you have the

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Speaker 3: capability to take your kids, I'm wondering, what were the reasons.

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Speaker 3: I don't want to assume anything, but what were those reasons?

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Speaker 3: So I had actually gotten to know her sister a

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Speaker 3: little bit, and one day when she was visiting, before

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Speaker 3: Julie got home, I simply asked her a little bit

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Speaker 3: about it. She seems stunned I knew, and then went

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Speaker 3: on to tell me that Julie was married, very young

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Speaker 3: and was very immature. I asked her about the abuse,

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Speaker 3: and she said that what little she knew was that

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Speaker 3: it was never physical, and that it was only that

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Speaker 3: he didn't want her going out partying and hanging out

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Speaker 3: with friends after the second child was born. She then

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Speaker 3: said she wasn't comfortable talking about it, and that I

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Speaker 3: needed to ask Julie if I wanted more. Well, then

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Speaker 3: I went and did probably the dumbest thing I could do.

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Speaker 3: But this was really eating away at me because it

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Speaker 3: was totally out of character for the person I thought

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Speaker 3: I knew. My friend works as a prevention law specialist

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Speaker 3: and does part time PI work. By using her name

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Speaker 3: and date of birth, he was able to track down

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Speaker 3: her marriage license. We then tracked down her ex. I

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Speaker 3: had him dig up anything he could on him, and

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Speaker 3: there was nothing there clean record, not even a speeding ticket.

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Speaker 3: You can guess where this is going. I tracked him

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Speaker 3: down via Facebook and contacted him. He wanted to meet up,

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Speaker 3: but he lives several miles away, so we exchanged phone

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Speaker 3: numbers and spoke via phone. I got a totally different

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Speaker 3: story from him, as you can imagine. He said she

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Speaker 3: had been cheating on him during their marriage. In fact,

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Speaker 3: he believes he is not the biological father of their

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Speaker 3: youngest child, although he refuses to have a paternity test

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Speaker 3: because he said he is the father and it doesn't matter.

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Speaker 3: He said that after he caught her in the second affair,

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Speaker 3: he told her that she could no longer hang out

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Speaker 3: with her girlfriends who were helping and encouraging her to cheat.

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Speaker 3: He said he went to work one day and came

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Speaker 3: home to a note saying that the kids were at

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Speaker 3: his mom's and she was leaving.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, she done left the kids.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, that's pretty crazy to tell your next partner that

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Speaker 3: you were an abusive relationship when in reality you were

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Speaker 3: being irresponsible and abandoned your kids.

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Speaker 2: No one gets in the way of me and girls' night.

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Speaker 3: He said that he was heartbroken and begged her to

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Speaker 3: at least visit the children, but she told him that

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Speaker 3: she felt she had made a mistake getting married so

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Speaker 3: young in having children and she needed to be free.

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Speaker 3: That was over seven years ago, and he said that

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Speaker 3: after the divorce, neither he nor the children have heard

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Speaker 3: from her again. He said, the youngest one is no

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Speaker 3: real memory of her, and the older child only vaguely

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Speaker 3: remembers her. I don't know why, but I believe his

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Speaker 3: story word for word. Needless to say, this has weighed

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Speaker 3: on me since he and I talked. She does not

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Speaker 3: know I have done this. I am aware that this

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Speaker 3: is a massive breach of trust, and if I were her,

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Speaker 3: I would dump me. But right now I'm really deciding

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Speaker 3: how this makes me feel about her. For the record,

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Speaker 3: she has been nothing but great to me. Be a

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Speaker 3: person who abandons their children, how much can you really

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Speaker 3: trust them? Also, she lied to you about that too. Yeah,

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Speaker 3: she told you that she was in a relationship.

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Speaker 2: Lied, she had to leave.

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Speaker 4: Her kids, lied by just omitting that in the first place,

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Speaker 4: and then lied when confronted about it. So next time

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Speaker 4: she faces something also really hard and difficult, guess what

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Speaker 4: she's gonna do. She's just gonna famoose. Yeah, she's gonna

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Speaker 4: pull a Houdini.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, in five to ten years, What if something happens

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Speaker 3: to me, would she be there to take care of

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Speaker 3: me and help me or would she abandon me as well?

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Speaker 3: How big of a butt am I for having these thoughts?

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Speaker 3: A smart butt? I already know I'm a butt for snooping',

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Speaker 3: But to be blunt, I'm not really sorry for doing

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Speaker 3: it because I really like having information when I'm thinking

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Speaker 3: about making life altering decisions. And there is an update.

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Speaker 2: You didn't even really snoop. You just like looked in

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Speaker 2: a box that was open.

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Speaker 3: It was an open box. You saw it, and you went,

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Speaker 3: what's this picture. Oh she has of kids and an

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Speaker 3: ex husband.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, yeah, that's wild.

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Speaker 3: I don't think that you're the a hole or a

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Speaker 3: dumb butt. I think it's pretty reasonable to be like,

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Speaker 3: I don't know if I want to have a life

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Speaker 3: slash also move in or I don't know if I

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Speaker 3: think they're already moved in, but stay living with a

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Speaker 3: person who lied to me about pretty big things.

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Speaker 4: I think I'd probably break up and be like, you

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Speaker 4: need to figure out how to.

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Speaker 2: Make this right with your kids. And I'm not going

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Speaker 2: to be here while.

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Speaker 4: You do it because we're breaking up, but you should

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Speaker 4: figure out how to atone.

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Speaker 3: For this update, Well, my original plan was to just

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Speaker 3: wait this all out until after the holiday season, including

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Speaker 3: New Year's, but to be honest, it felt wrong to

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Speaker 3: do that if something was going to happen and we

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Speaker 3: would separate.

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Speaker 4: Yeah, that's the most insane thing you could possibly do,

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Speaker 4: is just be like, we'll just ride it out till

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Speaker 4: after the holidays for convenience.

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Speaker 3: Don't do that. So last night, when she got off work,

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Speaker 3: I told her we needed to and we sat in

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Speaker 3: the kitchen at the table. I just told her that

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Speaker 3: since I accidentally found out about her past life. I

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Speaker 3: was having trouble reconciling what I thought I knew about

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Speaker 3: her versus what seemed to be a very different life. Anyway,

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Speaker 3: to make this short and sweet, because God knows, the

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Speaker 3: conversation we had was neither of those, I'll just throw

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Speaker 3: out the highlights. First thing, right off the bat, I

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Speaker 3: confessed to talking with the Rex. Yes, that went over

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Speaker 3: as well as you can imagine. I freely admitted that

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Speaker 3: I overstepped in some ways. However, I would only apologize

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Speaker 3: so much for it, because, as I reminded her, she

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Speaker 3: was never forthcoming about any of this. Of Course, I

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Speaker 3: got the entire it was none of my business yelling,

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Speaker 3: which I deserved to a point.

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Speaker 2: No, No, you didn't.

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Speaker 3: It was your business, your business, your your relationship with her.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, and you're living together.

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Speaker 3: I think you kind of deserved to know that she

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Speaker 3: has a whole other family.

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Speaker 4: Yeah, and that she cheated on him multiple times.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, and her children.

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Speaker 3: Kind of a big deal. Until I told her that

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Speaker 3: since we had about possibly getting married in the future,

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Speaker 3: I felt like I did have the right to know

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Speaker 3: if she was obligated financially to her two previous children. Also,

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Speaker 3: how would this affect her ever wanting or having children again.

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Speaker 3: Spoiler alert, she is thousands upon thousands of dollars behind

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Speaker 3: in child support. Also deserve to know that that's just

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Speaker 3: financial you know, information that's super relevant.

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Speaker 2: Shocker.

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Speaker 3: Anyway, once I got her to stop yelling at me,

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Speaker 3: I then made mistake number two. I told her what

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Speaker 3: he told me. She asked, by the way, well, this

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Speaker 3: started the second round of yelling about how harmfully was

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Speaker 3: and control.

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Speaker 4: So I'm starting to get the vibe that you just

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Speaker 4: think you make a mistake when she's upset.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, her reaction to your justified.

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Speaker 3: She is over retacting because she is defensive. You are

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Speaker 3: asking just questions that normal people would ask when they're

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Speaker 3: in a relationship and it's getting a little serious.

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Speaker 2: None of these are mistakes.

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Speaker 3: No, they're just questions.

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Speaker 4: In fact, it's the best thing you could have done,

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Speaker 4: because I'm hoping it leads to you not being with

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Speaker 4: this person.

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Speaker 3: I hope. So I let her go on and on,

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Speaker 3: But when she finally settled down, I just asked her

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Speaker 3: if it was true. She finally admitted it was. She

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Speaker 3: did cheat on him twice in their marriage. So I

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Speaker 3: asked her to de fine abuse for me because At

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Speaker 3: this point, I wanted to know what she considered abuse,

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Speaker 3: since I had a feeling I'd be labeled harmful here.

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Speaker 3: Sure enough, she said he didn't want her going out

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Speaker 3: to bars and drinking. He didn't want her hanging out

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Speaker 3: with friends without him there as well. I never told

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Speaker 3: her that he said it was the same group of

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Speaker 3: friends who enabled her cheating. I just let her go on.

240
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Speaker 3: So now is where a mistake number three came into play,

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Speaker 3: and this was pretty much the nail on the coffin

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Speaker 3: for both of us. I asked her what she thought

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Speaker 3: about kids in the future and how I could be

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Speaker 3: assured that history wouldn't repeat itself. I'll spare you the cussing.

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Speaker 3: I got over that one, and I'll give you what.

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Speaker 3: She finally in the end, admitted to she was too young,

247
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Speaker 3: didn't get the partying out of her system, and didn't

248
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Speaker 3: like the responsibility of being a mother at the time. However,

249
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Speaker 3: she feels like she could now. I'd be like, if

250
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Speaker 3: you want to be a mother ever in the future

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Speaker 3: with someone, don't know if it's going to be me,

252
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Speaker 3: go take care of your kids that you have right now.

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Speaker 3: We both agreed that this relationship just took a torpedo

254
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Speaker 3: that it could not recover from. The trust was broken

255
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Speaker 3: by both of us, and we decided amicably. I might

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Speaker 3: add that we just go on our way. I'm sure

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Speaker 3: someday she'll be a fine partner to someone, But to

258
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Speaker 3: be honest, I don't think I could have gone long

259
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Speaker 3: term with her because I would be looking over my

260
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Speaker 3: shoulder the entire time, waiting for something to happen. She

261
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Speaker 3: has changed, I can assume from where she was in

262
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Speaker 3: her mid twenties, but with the back child support, no

263
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Speaker 3: guarantee that she wouldn't do this again, and other things

264
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Speaker 3: that came to mind. I don't feel as bad about

265
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Speaker 3: this as I probably should. And there is a second update.

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Speaker 3: I don't feel that bad either.

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Speaker 2: Man.

268
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Speaker 3: She is not a good partner, and that's kind of

269
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Speaker 3: just it.

270
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Speaker 4: Why would you feel that bad all that time?

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Speaker 3: Yeah, well, unfortunately only like six months. Glad you honestly,

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Speaker 3: I'm glad that you did this also quick because then

273
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Speaker 3: you found out all this information quickly too, because I

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Speaker 3: feel like if they didn't live together, probably wouldn't have

275
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Speaker 3: come out, probably would have been hiding for a lot longer.

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Speaker 2: If you didn't find that picture in the box.

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Speaker 3: Would she have ever told you?

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Speaker 4: This is like a thing that needs to be told,

279
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Speaker 4: like on date number two. Yeah one, it's a lot

280
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Speaker 4: to say on number one, but it's hey, you gotta

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Speaker 4: know if someone's gonna rock with that.

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Speaker 2: You mean like I made a lot of mistakes when

283
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Speaker 2: I was young.

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Speaker 4: I have uh or I feel like I have two kids,

285
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Speaker 4: they're not in my life.

286
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Speaker 2: I pay child support, or I try, I'm not a

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Speaker 2: good mom.

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Speaker 3: I feel like date number one is like, yeah, I

289
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Speaker 3: got two kids. Date number two is like, I do

290
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Speaker 3: not take care of my two kids.

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Speaker 5: Yeah.

292
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Speaker 2: Date number two is I abandoned.

293
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Speaker 3: I abandoned those two kids.

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Speaker 2: How we doing? How we feel?

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Speaker 3: It's temperature your update two. I was kind of vague

296
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Speaker 3: about this last night because I already thought I was

297
00:12:59,640 --> 00:13:03,240
Speaker 3: going to long, but something changed this morning, so I'll

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00:13:03,240 --> 00:13:05,960
Speaker 3: throw this out there. The reason I know she's thousands

299
00:13:06,000 --> 00:13:08,400
Speaker 3: of dollars behind on support is because she told me

300
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Speaker 3: she said her lawyer was vindictive and asked for more

301
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Speaker 3: than she thought was fair. I don't believe her.

302
00:13:14,760 --> 00:13:18,600
Speaker 4: Yeah, I feel like she's probably a lion pe ya.

303
00:13:18,720 --> 00:13:21,360
Speaker 3: She managed to skirt paying because we live in a

304
00:13:21,360 --> 00:13:24,600
Speaker 3: geographic area that has three state boarders within about one

305
00:13:24,679 --> 00:13:25,920
Speaker 3: hundred and fifty miles.

306
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Speaker 2: What does that even mean?

307
00:13:27,440 --> 00:13:27,840
Speaker 3: Huh?

308
00:13:27,960 --> 00:13:32,280
Speaker 4: Is that like the Simpsons sideshow Bob like jurisdiction joke?

309
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Speaker 2: Like for real?

310
00:13:33,240 --> 00:13:35,360
Speaker 3: But there is a little bit laught. Do this story

311
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Speaker 3: any final thoughts?

312
00:13:37,600 --> 00:13:39,719
Speaker 2: Yeah? I don't know. Just she's like.

313
00:13:40,000 --> 00:13:42,040
Speaker 3: Tax evating, but child supportivating.

314
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Speaker 2: That's so crazy.

315
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Speaker 4: It's like the lawyer was vindictive, so I didn't pay.

316
00:13:46,360 --> 00:13:50,880
Speaker 4: I'd be vindictive if I was your ex. You abandoned us,

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Speaker 4: you abandoned your children.

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Speaker 3: Your two kids.

319
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Speaker 2: Eh.

320
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Speaker 3: She would take jobs working as a waitress and would

321
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Speaker 3: then job hop, keeping ahead of the state agency that

322
00:13:59,559 --> 00:14:02,920
Speaker 3: collects child support. Then she would move states, making it

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Speaker 3: more difficult to collect. Eventually, she just got ahead of

324
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Speaker 3: them and has been living in a state away from

325
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Speaker 3: her ex. And he doesn't know where she lives or

326
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Speaker 3: who her employer is. She now is a job that

327
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Speaker 3: she has been at for three years and values that

328
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Speaker 3: job a lot. Well, this might be a crappy thing

329
00:14:17,600 --> 00:14:20,600
Speaker 3: to do to her, but her gleeful description of avoiding

330
00:14:20,640 --> 00:14:23,240
Speaker 3: paying child support did not sit well with me. So

331
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Speaker 3: I texted her ex husband her current employer. Nice yep,

332
00:14:28,120 --> 00:14:30,480
Speaker 3: I did not give him her address, and it might

333
00:14:30,520 --> 00:14:32,600
Speaker 3: have been the wrong thing to do, But the more

334
00:14:32,640 --> 00:14:34,680
Speaker 3: I thought about the X and her kids, the more

335
00:14:34,720 --> 00:14:37,240
Speaker 3: it bothered me. Is it weird that I actually now

336
00:14:37,280 --> 00:14:39,320
Speaker 3: feel bad for her ex husband?

337
00:14:39,560 --> 00:14:39,600
Speaker 5: No?

338
00:14:40,160 --> 00:14:41,840
Speaker 2: OPI did you just get here to earth?

339
00:14:42,120 --> 00:14:46,520
Speaker 3: You should feel bad? She imagine him and his kids.

340
00:14:46,600 --> 00:14:49,720
Speaker 4: Isn't there weird that I feel bad His ex wife

341
00:14:49,720 --> 00:14:52,520
Speaker 4: abandoned him with their two children, one of which was

342
00:14:52,560 --> 00:14:54,320
Speaker 4: probably a product of infidelity, but.

343
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Speaker 2: He raised anyway because he's a good person. Yeah.

344
00:14:56,960 --> 00:14:59,440
Speaker 3: It didn't even do it paternity test. He was just like, nah,

345
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Speaker 3: it's my kid.

346
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Speaker 2: It's so weird. I feel bad.

347
00:15:01,520 --> 00:15:06,080
Speaker 4: This guy's been systemically taken advantage of bias ex partner and.

348
00:15:05,960 --> 00:15:08,280
Speaker 3: She keeps evading child support payments.

349
00:15:08,360 --> 00:15:11,240
Speaker 2: Yeah, and that's the end of this story. Let's head

350
00:15:11,280 --> 00:15:12,880
Speaker 2: to the next one.

351
00:15:12,920 --> 00:15:16,760
Speaker 4: My secret daughter messaged me after seventeen years. Was the

352
00:15:16,800 --> 00:15:19,320
Speaker 4: message a secret two and there's a trigger warning for

353
00:15:19,400 --> 00:15:23,040
Speaker 4: parental abandonment. When I thirty eight male, was twenty years old,

354
00:15:23,040 --> 00:15:25,880
Speaker 4: I dated a girl thirty six female for about a year.

355
00:15:26,040 --> 00:15:28,600
Speaker 4: Our relationship was okay, but we were both going in

356
00:15:28,640 --> 00:15:31,920
Speaker 4: such different directions. Towards the end of our relationship, she

357
00:15:32,040 --> 00:15:34,480
Speaker 4: found out she was pregnant. Neither of us were in

358
00:15:34,480 --> 00:15:36,880
Speaker 4: a place to be parents. I was one thousand miles

359
00:15:36,920 --> 00:15:39,800
Speaker 4: away from all my families, still in school, and still

360
00:15:39,960 --> 00:15:42,920
Speaker 4: very immature. By the way, this comes from user throw

361
00:15:42,960 --> 00:15:45,080
Speaker 4: it Away zero zero zero one, and if you want

362
00:15:45,120 --> 00:15:47,400
Speaker 4: to submit your own stories, go to the r slash

363
00:15:47,440 --> 00:15:48,520
Speaker 4: jokey storytime subrend it.

364
00:15:48,800 --> 00:15:52,480
Speaker 2: I'm Dakota, I'm Sophia Way, what's up, I'm true and we're.

365
00:15:52,280 --> 00:15:54,080
Speaker 4: Here to give you good advice goofy, But we don't

366
00:15:54,120 --> 00:15:56,360
Speaker 4: have all the answers. We only know what we would do,

367
00:15:56,720 --> 00:15:59,280
Speaker 4: So if you would do something else, let us know

368
00:15:59,320 --> 00:16:02,600
Speaker 4: in the comments. As Op says, we dated for maybe

369
00:16:02,800 --> 00:16:04,320
Speaker 4: three months of her pregnancy.

370
00:16:04,880 --> 00:16:08,280
Speaker 2: I cheated on her and we broke up.

371
00:16:10,280 --> 00:16:12,600
Speaker 4: I talked to her a few times afterward, and we

372
00:16:12,680 --> 00:16:15,200
Speaker 4: both agreed I would be an awful parent and that

373
00:16:15,280 --> 00:16:17,160
Speaker 4: it would be best for us to go our separate ways.

374
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Speaker 2: That is a wild, weaponized incompetent.

375
00:16:19,720 --> 00:16:23,000
Speaker 3: Yeah, like, oh, I cheat on you, I'd be pretty bad.

376
00:16:23,160 --> 00:16:26,720
Speaker 3: I'd be pretty bad parent. She's like, yeah, please leave you.

377
00:16:26,760 --> 00:16:28,720
Speaker 2: Still played child support hopefully.

378
00:16:28,920 --> 00:16:32,880
Speaker 4: I saw my daughter Emily now seventeen female one time

379
00:16:33,120 --> 00:16:35,360
Speaker 4: when she was two months old, So this was I

380
00:16:35,360 --> 00:16:38,960
Speaker 4: think the summer of nineteen ninety five. Eventually, from what

381
00:16:39,080 --> 00:16:42,440
Speaker 4: I understand, she married some other guy and she's happy.

382
00:16:42,600 --> 00:16:45,160
Speaker 4: I felt a lot of guilt over everything that happened,

383
00:16:45,160 --> 00:16:47,480
Speaker 4: and I'm not proud at all of my actions.

384
00:16:47,840 --> 00:16:48,800
Speaker 2: They were cowardly.

385
00:16:49,000 --> 00:16:51,280
Speaker 4: I've thought about reaching out and trying to establish a

386
00:16:51,320 --> 00:16:53,680
Speaker 4: relationship with my daughter, but it seems a little too

387
00:16:53,720 --> 00:16:56,600
Speaker 4: late for that now. Sorry to make this my life story,

388
00:16:56,680 --> 00:16:57,840
Speaker 4: but I will get to the.

389
00:16:57,840 --> 00:16:59,240
Speaker 2: Current situation soon.

390
00:16:59,480 --> 00:17:01,440
Speaker 4: I ended up meeting my wife in two thousand and

391
00:17:01,520 --> 00:17:03,680
Speaker 4: we got married in two thousand and two. We have

392
00:17:03,760 --> 00:17:05,840
Speaker 4: two kids, a seven year old daughter and a five

393
00:17:05,920 --> 00:17:09,120
Speaker 4: year old daughter. I'm a great dad to my girls,

394
00:17:09,440 --> 00:17:11,639
Speaker 4: and I've tried my best to be the most involved,

395
00:17:11,720 --> 00:17:13,960
Speaker 4: loving father I can beat them. Maybe a lot of

396
00:17:13,960 --> 00:17:16,760
Speaker 4: this is motivated by regret for how things went with Emily.

397
00:17:16,920 --> 00:17:19,200
Speaker 4: I love my wife and we have a great, steady,

398
00:17:19,280 --> 00:17:24,120
Speaker 4: happy marriage. My wife nor my family knows about Emily,

399
00:17:24,480 --> 00:17:28,040
Speaker 4: my daughter from my earlier relationship. I've just sort of

400
00:17:28,160 --> 00:17:30,040
Speaker 4: put that part of my life in the past and

401
00:17:30,119 --> 00:17:32,760
Speaker 4: tried not to go there. I'm deeply ashamed of how

402
00:17:32,800 --> 00:17:35,040
Speaker 4: I ended things back then, and there is a real

403
00:17:35,119 --> 00:17:39,520
Speaker 4: stigma to being an uninvolved father. I've never really said much.

404
00:17:39,320 --> 00:17:41,439
Speaker 2: To anyone about that child.

405
00:17:41,480 --> 00:17:44,720
Speaker 4: Aside from some friends during my college years who I'm

406
00:17:44,720 --> 00:17:47,920
Speaker 4: not in contact with, almost no one knows about her.

407
00:17:48,000 --> 00:17:50,000
Speaker 2: Fast forward to Wednesday morning.

408
00:17:50,160 --> 00:17:53,159
Speaker 4: I'm on Facebook and my account is mostly set as

409
00:17:53,200 --> 00:17:57,040
Speaker 4: public for work purposes. I'll occasionally get messages from people

410
00:17:57,080 --> 00:17:59,960
Speaker 4: in my past. He'll just say hi, and the usual friend,

411
00:18:00,600 --> 00:18:03,919
Speaker 4: your family's so beautiful or whatever. On Wednesday morning, I

412
00:18:03,920 --> 00:18:05,800
Speaker 4: woke up to a message from a seventeen year old

413
00:18:05,880 --> 00:18:09,000
Speaker 4: girl whose first name was Emily. Definitely out of the

414
00:18:09,119 --> 00:18:13,160
Speaker 4: norm since I don't really have much contact with teenagers.

415
00:18:12,720 --> 00:18:16,200
Speaker 2: What newer do you have with teenagers?

416
00:18:16,280 --> 00:18:19,600
Speaker 3: First of all, and you don't even know your kid's.

417
00:18:19,359 --> 00:18:21,440
Speaker 6: Name, how do you do? Fellow kids?

418
00:18:22,359 --> 00:18:27,000
Speaker 3: Do not make the mind association that a seventeen year

419
00:18:27,000 --> 00:18:29,919
Speaker 3: old with your daughter's name who reaches out to you

420
00:18:30,080 --> 00:18:31,960
Speaker 3: is your daughter? Is kind of wild to me.

421
00:18:32,480 --> 00:18:35,160
Speaker 4: He's just so good at compartmentalizing. He's like, that's such

422
00:18:35,160 --> 00:18:36,560
Speaker 4: a strange coincidence.

423
00:18:36,840 --> 00:18:40,400
Speaker 3: My daughter's name, man, my daughter's age couldn't be my daughter, so.

424
00:18:40,280 --> 00:18:41,160
Speaker 2: Op, he continues.

425
00:18:41,240 --> 00:18:44,280
Speaker 4: I poked around a bit on her page and everything

426
00:18:44,320 --> 00:18:47,000
Speaker 4: seemed to add up. She looks like her mother has

427
00:18:47,040 --> 00:18:49,680
Speaker 4: her last name, and the page seemed active, so I'm

428
00:18:49,680 --> 00:18:52,520
Speaker 4: fairly sure it's not a prank. Her message said, Hi,

429
00:18:53,080 --> 00:18:56,000
Speaker 4: I'm the daughter you don't care about. I just wanted

430
00:18:56,000 --> 00:18:58,320
Speaker 4: you to know that we are fine without you. You

431
00:18:58,400 --> 00:19:00,960
Speaker 4: are a dirt pickle, and I hate knowing that I'm

432
00:19:01,000 --> 00:19:03,359
Speaker 4: even related to you. How can someone just leave a

433
00:19:03,359 --> 00:19:06,000
Speaker 4: woman who loves them and a baby? Do you even

434
00:19:06,040 --> 00:19:09,879
Speaker 4: have a heart? I hope you pass away. Obviously not

435
00:19:10,000 --> 00:19:12,520
Speaker 4: at all what you want to see from my point

436
00:19:12,520 --> 00:19:14,800
Speaker 4: of view, I was really hoping it would have been

437
00:19:14,840 --> 00:19:17,080
Speaker 4: some sort of friendly message and we could have built

438
00:19:17,119 --> 00:19:18,280
Speaker 4: up a relationship.

439
00:19:19,240 --> 00:19:23,040
Speaker 3: You're funny, he's all, Well, I'm just I thought she

440
00:19:23,040 --> 00:19:25,160
Speaker 3: would be nice about it. I thought you'd be nice

441
00:19:25,200 --> 00:19:26,560
Speaker 3: about me abandoning her.

442
00:19:26,760 --> 00:19:28,119
Speaker 2: I have no words for that.

443
00:19:28,200 --> 00:19:29,160
Speaker 3: Stupid, You're dumb.

444
00:19:29,400 --> 00:19:31,959
Speaker 4: I assume her mother has been telling her less than

445
00:19:32,000 --> 00:19:35,080
Speaker 4: positive stories about me based on her message. Doesn't have

446
00:19:35,119 --> 00:19:38,119
Speaker 4: to tell her any stories that are negative about you.

447
00:19:38,119 --> 00:19:39,359
Speaker 2: You abandoned her.

448
00:19:39,680 --> 00:19:44,320
Speaker 3: Your stories are there, I'm sorry, what possive stories?

449
00:19:44,480 --> 00:19:44,880
Speaker 6: Pray?

450
00:19:45,000 --> 00:19:51,119
Speaker 3: You cheated on her mom abandoned her while she was pregnant,

451
00:19:51,359 --> 00:19:54,359
Speaker 3: saw her once when she was two months old. Not

452
00:19:54,840 --> 00:19:57,440
Speaker 3: really that hard to put you in a bad light.

453
00:19:57,760 --> 00:20:00,520
Speaker 4: I'm not sure how one responds to something like this.

454
00:20:00,760 --> 00:20:03,040
Speaker 4: I've sat on the message for a few days trying

455
00:20:03,080 --> 00:20:05,960
Speaker 4: to figure out what to say. I'm debating whether to

456
00:20:06,359 --> 00:20:09,320
Speaker 4: not respond and ignore the message, respond in a very

457
00:20:09,359 --> 00:20:12,640
Speaker 4: friendly manner and just not address the nasty things that

458
00:20:12,680 --> 00:20:17,200
Speaker 4: she said. Nope, respond in a more stern manner and

459
00:20:17,280 --> 00:20:21,280
Speaker 4: try to clarify things, or only respond to Emily's mom.

460
00:20:21,480 --> 00:20:24,040
Speaker 2: I haven't spoken to her in about fifteen years, though,

461
00:20:24,119 --> 00:20:25,399
Speaker 2: so I don't know how that would go.

462
00:20:25,800 --> 00:20:30,160
Speaker 4: No, any advice would be greatly appreciated, and we have comments.

463
00:20:30,280 --> 00:20:33,080
Speaker 3: Dude, My advice is, don't go with any of those options.

464
00:20:33,160 --> 00:20:35,240
Speaker 6: Those are your three options that you're like. Plan A

465
00:20:35,359 --> 00:20:38,240
Speaker 6: sounds pretty good, Plan B sounds pretty good, Plan C

466
00:20:38,359 --> 00:20:40,320
Speaker 6: sounds pretty good. You know those all sound really good.

467
00:20:40,359 --> 00:20:43,160
Speaker 3: Let me just point let's go with Plan E, where

468
00:20:43,240 --> 00:20:47,520
Speaker 3: you say I'm so sorry for everything that I did.

469
00:20:47,960 --> 00:20:51,679
Speaker 3: I deserve all of your anger. I have thought about

470
00:20:51,680 --> 00:20:55,040
Speaker 3: you every day, if that's true, And I didn't know

471
00:20:55,119 --> 00:20:57,639
Speaker 3: I was a coward, and I didn't know how to

472
00:20:57,760 --> 00:21:00,280
Speaker 3: talk to you, and I would love to have a

473
00:21:00,280 --> 00:21:03,239
Speaker 3: relationship with you. I understand if you don't want that,

474
00:21:03,440 --> 00:21:06,639
Speaker 3: but I am always here. YadA, YadA YadA. Don't do

475
00:21:06,720 --> 00:21:09,160
Speaker 3: any of your other options. And then you say, I'm

476
00:21:09,200 --> 00:21:12,199
Speaker 3: so sorry for everything that I've done and for not

477
00:21:12,320 --> 00:21:13,640
Speaker 3: being there for you.

478
00:21:13,880 --> 00:21:16,840
Speaker 4: We have a comment here of op being told to

479
00:21:16,920 --> 00:21:21,760
Speaker 4: tell his wife. Opie says, telling my wife about this

480
00:21:21,840 --> 00:21:23,119
Speaker 4: is something I really dread.

481
00:21:23,240 --> 00:21:24,960
Speaker 3: Coward. You're a coward.

482
00:21:26,000 --> 00:21:27,640
Speaker 2: I've changed a lot since then.

483
00:21:27,760 --> 00:21:28,560
Speaker 3: No, you haven't.

484
00:21:28,720 --> 00:21:30,960
Speaker 2: And I'm not at all the type of person I

485
00:21:31,119 --> 00:21:32,000
Speaker 2: was when I was younger.

486
00:21:32,080 --> 00:21:32,680
Speaker 3: Yes, you are.

487
00:21:32,880 --> 00:21:35,600
Speaker 4: I feel like something like this would fundamentally change how

488
00:21:35,640 --> 00:21:36,680
Speaker 4: my wife sees me.

489
00:21:36,760 --> 00:21:38,520
Speaker 3: Because you're still the same per person.

490
00:21:38,840 --> 00:21:41,160
Speaker 2: There's a little mental clarity right there. Huh.

491
00:21:41,240 --> 00:21:44,480
Speaker 4: You understand well enough to know your wife won't ever

492
00:21:44,520 --> 00:21:47,200
Speaker 4: look at you the same way again because you abandon.

493
00:21:46,880 --> 00:21:50,120
Speaker 3: Your daughter, and now when she reached out to you,

494
00:21:50,119 --> 00:21:53,520
Speaker 3: you still can't face up to what you.

495
00:21:53,560 --> 00:21:57,159
Speaker 4: Did, OPI, he continues, And it's not like Emily really

496
00:21:57,240 --> 00:22:00,359
Speaker 4: wants a relationship. It's one thing if the mess was

497
00:22:00,359 --> 00:22:03,879
Speaker 4: in a different tone. I'm clearly the bad guy to her.

498
00:22:04,119 --> 00:22:08,000
Speaker 4: It's not really worth and upending my entire life potentially

499
00:22:08,040 --> 00:22:10,119
Speaker 4: to talk to her, I don't know what the upside

500
00:22:10,119 --> 00:22:12,119
Speaker 4: to this is. I can throw a wrench in our

501
00:22:12,160 --> 00:22:14,720
Speaker 4: lives for someone who doesn't really want a relationship with me.

502
00:22:15,000 --> 00:22:17,679
Speaker 4: That said, I don't want to reject her more or

503
00:22:17,720 --> 00:22:20,239
Speaker 4: make her feel worse. It's really a tough place for

504
00:22:20,280 --> 00:22:22,760
Speaker 4: me to be in. It's not like some perfect happy

505
00:22:22,840 --> 00:22:25,879
Speaker 4: ending can be had here. And there's an update, let's

506
00:22:25,880 --> 00:22:28,440
Speaker 4: read what this toolbag has to say.

507
00:22:28,600 --> 00:22:30,919
Speaker 2: Six days later, I decided to test.

508
00:22:30,720 --> 00:22:33,640
Speaker 4: The waters and send her a short message back on

509
00:22:33,720 --> 00:22:36,440
Speaker 4: Wednesday night. This is what I sent her. Hi, Emily,

510
00:22:36,920 --> 00:22:39,760
Speaker 4: I've wanted to contact you for a long time, Lie,

511
00:22:40,040 --> 00:22:41,639
Speaker 4: and I'm glad you messaged me.

512
00:22:42,040 --> 00:22:42,520
Speaker 2: Lie.

513
00:22:42,640 --> 00:22:45,159
Speaker 4: I'm glad you and your mother are doing well. You

514
00:22:45,200 --> 00:22:48,119
Speaker 4: cannot imagine how sorry I am over how things have

515
00:22:48,160 --> 00:22:50,880
Speaker 4: gone with us, Lie. And if there's anything you want

516
00:22:50,880 --> 00:22:52,840
Speaker 4: to talk about, I would love to do that. If

517
00:22:52,880 --> 00:22:55,520
Speaker 4: you would like, I could explain my side of things.

518
00:22:55,680 --> 00:22:57,959
Speaker 4: If there's anything I can do, please let me know.

519
00:22:58,200 --> 00:23:01,239
Speaker 4: A couple hours later, she responded with f off, you

520
00:23:01,760 --> 00:23:04,400
Speaker 4: don't exist to me, so that's it.

521
00:23:04,800 --> 00:23:07,600
Speaker 6: I try Oh way, Well, you.

522
00:23:07,560 --> 00:23:11,399
Speaker 4: Basically politely told her, Hi, Emily, you're actually wrong for

523
00:23:11,480 --> 00:23:14,240
Speaker 4: feeling that way, and I can correct your feelings if

524
00:23:14,240 --> 00:23:15,560
Speaker 4: you would give me the chance.

525
00:23:15,600 --> 00:23:18,240
Speaker 3: You chose the wrong answer. It's like when you're playing

526
00:23:18,240 --> 00:23:20,800
Speaker 3: a video game and you choose the wrong option.

527
00:23:21,280 --> 00:23:22,800
Speaker 6: Youh wait, wait, wait, I have a checkpoint for that.

528
00:23:22,880 --> 00:23:23,440
Speaker 6: Let me go back.

529
00:23:23,560 --> 00:23:25,920
Speaker 3: Yeah, it's like, oh wait, I choose the one where

530
00:23:25,920 --> 00:23:29,160
Speaker 3: they they unlive me. I gotta go back. You chose

531
00:23:29,160 --> 00:23:30,840
Speaker 3: the wrong He chose the wrong one?

532
00:23:31,119 --> 00:23:34,879
Speaker 6: Did I was gonna say that response felt very AI generated,

533
00:23:35,040 --> 00:23:37,600
Speaker 6: like he used chat GPT, but this story is from

534
00:23:37,640 --> 00:23:38,720
Speaker 6: like fucken years ago.

535
00:23:38,840 --> 00:23:41,600
Speaker 2: Yeah, he was the originator and he sounds like a

536
00:23:41,680 --> 00:23:42,320
Speaker 2: robot to this.

537
00:23:42,960 --> 00:23:43,720
Speaker 6: Got IPD.

538
00:23:44,400 --> 00:23:47,920
Speaker 2: How do I respond to my strange your crazy?

539
00:23:47,960 --> 00:23:48,560
Speaker 3: It's so good.

540
00:23:49,760 --> 00:23:53,240
Speaker 4: I guess time will tell if she tries to reconnect again,

541
00:23:53,359 --> 00:23:55,520
Speaker 4: but I'm not sure if there as much else I

542
00:23:55,560 --> 00:23:58,480
Speaker 4: can do. Working on a way to tell my wife

543
00:23:58,480 --> 00:24:01,120
Speaker 4: about this, and I'm going to tell her soon once

544
00:24:01,160 --> 00:24:04,040
Speaker 4: I figure out how to. I shouldn't have kept this

545
00:24:04,080 --> 00:24:07,360
Speaker 4: a secret. My wife is my partner and she deserves

546
00:24:07,400 --> 00:24:10,480
Speaker 4: to know about it. If anything, she can help me

547
00:24:10,680 --> 00:24:13,880
Speaker 4: handle all of this. I was hoping Emily would be

548
00:24:13,960 --> 00:24:17,800
Speaker 4: more open and the raw anger was just affront But

549
00:24:17,920 --> 00:24:18,879
Speaker 4: I think.

550
00:24:18,760 --> 00:24:21,880
Speaker 2: After two messages. It's how she feels.

551
00:24:22,760 --> 00:24:24,879
Speaker 4: It's a shame because I think we could have had

552
00:24:24,880 --> 00:24:25,880
Speaker 4: a good relationship.

553
00:24:26,000 --> 00:24:27,320
Speaker 2: It's not her fault, of course.

554
00:24:28,000 --> 00:24:29,879
Speaker 4: All I can do now is continue to be the

555
00:24:29,920 --> 00:24:32,520
Speaker 4: best dad possible to my younger daughters, who love and

556
00:24:32,600 --> 00:24:36,480
Speaker 4: adore me. And there's a second update thirteen days after

557
00:24:36,520 --> 00:24:39,800
Speaker 4: the last update. A couple new things have happened since

558
00:24:39,840 --> 00:24:42,040
Speaker 4: I posted. I went ahead and replied back to Emily

559
00:24:42,080 --> 00:24:44,600
Speaker 4: with a much longer, more thoughtful and apologetic letter.

560
00:24:44,960 --> 00:24:47,480
Speaker 2: I also spoke to my wife about all of this.

561
00:24:47,720 --> 00:24:50,120
Speaker 4: Emily didn't respond until a couple days ago, and her

562
00:24:50,160 --> 00:24:53,600
Speaker 4: response was much more calm in tone, which was relieving.

563
00:24:54,040 --> 00:24:56,080
Speaker 4: I'm not going to repost what she said, but it

564
00:24:56,119 --> 00:24:59,240
Speaker 4: was basically just I wasn't there before and she doesn't.

565
00:24:58,960 --> 00:25:01,320
Speaker 2: Want me here now. There was some more to it,

566
00:25:01,359 --> 00:25:03,840
Speaker 2: but I it was kind of personal, and I don't

567
00:25:03,840 --> 00:25:06,040
Speaker 2: feel comfortable reposting. Are you getting me?

568
00:25:06,560 --> 00:25:08,480
Speaker 6: You're such a coward the fact you're like, you know what,

569
00:25:08,480 --> 00:25:11,600
Speaker 6: I'm going to air out all this baggage on the internet,

570
00:25:11,880 --> 00:25:14,159
Speaker 6: but you know the most important part, I'm not going

571
00:25:14,240 --> 00:25:14,600
Speaker 6: to do that.

572
00:25:14,680 --> 00:25:17,320
Speaker 3: Well. I'm hopeful that maybe it's something about his daughter

573
00:25:17,359 --> 00:25:21,000
Speaker 3: and he's like, I can't share my daughter's information. Maybe

574
00:25:21,040 --> 00:25:23,399
Speaker 3: maybe there's some sort of good guy in there that.

575
00:25:23,600 --> 00:25:26,800
Speaker 6: Is this guy sucks because it's probably something calling him out.

576
00:25:26,680 --> 00:25:29,560
Speaker 3: Like battle or it's something calling him out and he's like,

577
00:25:29,680 --> 00:25:31,080
Speaker 3: I can't, I can't do that.

578
00:25:31,800 --> 00:25:32,639
Speaker 2: Here he goes again.

579
00:25:33,000 --> 00:25:35,640
Speaker 4: I responded to her and said, if that is how

580
00:25:35,640 --> 00:25:39,119
Speaker 4: she felt, I understand and won't respond to her again.

581
00:25:39,320 --> 00:25:41,479
Speaker 4: That's where we're at on that. I'm glad we were

582
00:25:41,480 --> 00:25:44,000
Speaker 4: both able to at least get some closure out of this.

583
00:25:44,400 --> 00:25:46,199
Speaker 4: I talked to my wife one week ago and just

584
00:25:46,280 --> 00:25:48,960
Speaker 4: laid everything out there. She's been helping me with responding

585
00:25:48,960 --> 00:25:51,159
Speaker 4: to Emily, and she has been way more understanding than

586
00:25:51,160 --> 00:25:54,000
Speaker 4: I expected. I explained to her how things went down

587
00:25:54,080 --> 00:25:56,680
Speaker 4: and how ashamed I am about everything, about how I've

588
00:25:56,720 --> 00:25:59,920
Speaker 4: tried every single day to make it up with our daughter.

589
00:26:00,320 --> 00:26:03,280
Speaker 4: She understood me completely and she stood by me. I

590
00:26:03,280 --> 00:26:06,120
Speaker 4: am so so glad I chose this woman is my wife.

591
00:26:06,160 --> 00:26:08,520
Speaker 4: I was panicking about her leaving or divorcing because of

592
00:26:08,560 --> 00:26:10,560
Speaker 4: some of the comments here, but that wasn't what happened.

593
00:26:10,640 --> 00:26:12,960
Speaker 4: My wife didn't think I should beg Emily and was

594
00:26:13,000 --> 00:26:15,960
Speaker 4: taken aback with her vile tone. Life kind of sucks

595
00:26:16,000 --> 00:26:18,480
Speaker 4: to looks like you found that perfect little stinky pee

596
00:26:18,480 --> 00:26:21,840
Speaker 4: for your stinky pod. I can't believe the wife was like, oh,

597
00:26:22,000 --> 00:26:24,680
Speaker 4: I can't forgive she would message you this way after

598
00:26:24,760 --> 00:26:26,800
Speaker 4: you abandoned her for seventeen years.

599
00:26:26,920 --> 00:26:30,080
Speaker 2: He probably should. I was like, yeah, my evil ex

600
00:26:30,200 --> 00:26:31,520
Speaker 2: like yeah, my daughter from me?

601
00:26:31,680 --> 00:26:33,480
Speaker 3: Probably yeah.

602
00:26:33,520 --> 00:26:35,720
Speaker 2: And it was bad and it was so terrible.

603
00:26:35,760 --> 00:26:37,880
Speaker 4: I couldn't send her child support because she ran away

604
00:26:37,920 --> 00:26:41,840
Speaker 4: and I could never contact her. You probably lied. I'm

605
00:26:41,920 --> 00:26:44,959
Speaker 4: not giving you any grace. No, I just don't understand how.

606
00:26:45,000 --> 00:26:46,919
Speaker 4: It's like you're like I was making up by raising

607
00:26:46,920 --> 00:26:48,479
Speaker 4: our daughters. It's like, does make it up?

608
00:26:48,640 --> 00:26:48,880
Speaker 3: Sure?

609
00:26:49,080 --> 00:26:51,480
Speaker 4: The first moment you felt that you should have gone,

610
00:26:51,520 --> 00:26:55,199
Speaker 4: oh wait, maybe I should just, I don't know, reach out.

611
00:26:55,840 --> 00:27:01,040
Speaker 4: Maybe I should be present now that I've supposed changed.

612
00:27:02,280 --> 00:27:05,440
Speaker 4: The first message I sent was a little less than conciliatory,

613
00:27:05,680 --> 00:27:08,760
Speaker 4: and the second was almost pleading. The later messages were

614
00:27:08,960 --> 00:27:11,959
Speaker 4: much better composed. I think it looks like this Emily

615
00:27:12,040 --> 00:27:14,560
Speaker 4: chapter is gonna end here. She doesn't want me in

616
00:27:14,600 --> 00:27:17,480
Speaker 4: her life, and she has made it clear. I offered

617
00:27:17,480 --> 00:27:19,400
Speaker 4: to listen to her if she needed someone to talk

618
00:27:19,440 --> 00:27:22,280
Speaker 4: to and gave her my contact information if she needs anything,

619
00:27:22,320 --> 00:27:23,920
Speaker 4: but I'm doubtful I will hear from her.

620
00:27:24,400 --> 00:27:26,360
Speaker 6: Years too late, My guys, He's.

621
00:27:26,240 --> 00:27:28,600
Speaker 3: Like, if you ever want a shoulder to cry on,

622
00:27:29,240 --> 00:27:32,600
Speaker 3: Papa's my number pop in your corner.

623
00:27:33,840 --> 00:27:37,600
Speaker 4: It looks like she inherited her mother's stubbornness and pride.

624
00:27:38,359 --> 00:27:41,000
Speaker 4: I feel comfortable that I've done all I could with her.

625
00:27:41,040 --> 00:27:44,040
Speaker 4: Now I'm spending every day now just being the best

626
00:27:44,119 --> 00:27:46,000
Speaker 4: dad I can be to my beautiful, loving daughters.

627
00:27:46,440 --> 00:27:48,360
Speaker 2: And that is the end of that story. Age guy,

628
00:27:48,440 --> 00:27:49,480
Speaker 2: don't worry. That was rage bait.

629
00:27:49,560 --> 00:27:51,679
Speaker 6: He's rage beating guys, making me so upset.

630
00:27:51,680 --> 00:27:55,520
Speaker 2: You guys, don't worry that was bait. Got baited, John

631
00:27:55,560 --> 00:27:56,440
Speaker 2: here og host.

632
00:27:56,480 --> 00:27:58,160
Speaker 7: We're gonna get back to these stories, but a quick

633
00:27:58,200 --> 00:28:00,120
Speaker 7: three minute break from hops for more sponsors.

634
00:28:00,640 --> 00:28:03,480
Speaker 3: My fiance said he might cheat on me.

635
00:28:03,800 --> 00:28:06,199
Speaker 2: Well, I will be leaving you.

636
00:28:06,560 --> 00:28:09,240
Speaker 3: And this comes directly from the r slash Okay storytime

637
00:28:09,320 --> 00:28:13,280
Speaker 3: subreed it So, I, twenty nine female, and my fiance,

638
00:28:13,520 --> 00:28:17,160
Speaker 3: twenty nine male, have been in a relationship for eight years,

639
00:28:17,640 --> 00:28:20,479
Speaker 3: engaged for almost one year. You recently got a new

640
00:28:20,560 --> 00:28:22,520
Speaker 3: job and we packed up and moved to a whole

641
00:28:22,560 --> 00:28:24,800
Speaker 3: new city. We were both so excited for this new

642
00:28:24,880 --> 00:28:27,080
Speaker 3: change in our lives. By the way, this comes from

643
00:28:27,200 --> 00:28:30,040
Speaker 3: Tall Geologists sixty nine, seventy nine. If you want to

644
00:28:30,040 --> 00:28:32,000
Speaker 3: submit your own stories, go to the r slash Okay

645
00:28:32,000 --> 00:28:32,879
Speaker 3: storytime subred it.

646
00:28:33,080 --> 00:28:36,040
Speaker 2: I'm Sophia, I'm Dakota, and I'm ke On.

647
00:28:36,119 --> 00:28:36,320
Speaker 6: What's that?

648
00:28:36,720 --> 00:28:38,560
Speaker 3: We're here to give good advice goofily, but we don't

649
00:28:38,560 --> 00:28:40,520
Speaker 3: have all the answers. We only know what weed do,

650
00:28:40,640 --> 00:28:42,560
Speaker 3: So let us know what you would do in the comments,

651
00:28:42,760 --> 00:28:46,160
Speaker 3: and Op says what helped make everything so seamless is

652
00:28:46,200 --> 00:28:48,600
Speaker 3: that I was able to transfer within my job to

653
00:28:48,680 --> 00:28:51,000
Speaker 3: this new city as well. We've been loving life in

654
00:28:51,040 --> 00:28:53,880
Speaker 3: this new city and just sharing our dreams of the future.

655
00:28:54,080 --> 00:28:57,040
Speaker 3: So I honestly feel taken off guard with what just happened.

656
00:28:57,080 --> 00:28:59,960
Speaker 3: Over this past weekend. We were both visiting our hometown

657
00:29:00,120 --> 00:29:02,240
Speaker 3: and getting things ready for the wedding which was coming

658
00:29:02,280 --> 00:29:04,560
Speaker 3: up in November. That morning, I had woken up from

659
00:29:04,600 --> 00:29:07,560
Speaker 3: a nightmare where my fiance was with another woman, no

660
00:29:08,360 --> 00:29:10,880
Speaker 3: terrible nightmare. I woke up a little pissed at him,

661
00:29:11,080 --> 00:29:13,560
Speaker 3: and I can understand him being a little mad, but

662
00:29:13,720 --> 00:29:16,840
Speaker 3: he blew up on me. I honestly wasn't expecting that

663
00:29:16,960 --> 00:29:19,640
Speaker 3: kind of reception. I could understand him being upset, but

664
00:29:19,680 --> 00:29:21,720
Speaker 3: he threw his hands in the air and ran away.

665
00:29:21,960 --> 00:29:23,880
Speaker 3: What did you say to him? I found him lying

666
00:29:23,960 --> 00:29:26,800
Speaker 3: down in the other room. I apologize, saying that me

667
00:29:26,920 --> 00:29:29,320
Speaker 3: being mad about a dream was uncalled for. He sat

668
00:29:29,440 --> 00:29:31,440
Speaker 3: up and turned to me with a cold look in

669
00:29:31,440 --> 00:29:34,040
Speaker 3: his eyes and said he wanted to have a conversation

670
00:29:34,160 --> 00:29:35,680
Speaker 3: with me in private.

671
00:29:35,840 --> 00:29:38,160
Speaker 4: So you got mad at him over a dream and

672
00:29:38,200 --> 00:29:40,680
Speaker 4: then he's going to be like, I want to cheat

673
00:29:40,680 --> 00:29:41,000
Speaker 4: on you.

674
00:29:41,240 --> 00:29:44,440
Speaker 3: I agreed, and he went outside to chat. I'm confused,

675
00:29:44,640 --> 00:29:47,240
Speaker 3: where are you guys? How is this not private? Why

676
00:29:47,320 --> 00:29:49,000
Speaker 3: is it not a private conversation already?

677
00:29:49,120 --> 00:29:50,120
Speaker 2: Maybe they're at church.

678
00:29:50,320 --> 00:29:52,640
Speaker 3: He then proceeded to tell me how he can't go

679
00:29:52,720 --> 00:29:55,120
Speaker 3: through with the wedding because he feels like he's going

680
00:29:55,120 --> 00:29:57,200
Speaker 3: to cheat on me one day. And he's like, and

681
00:29:57,240 --> 00:29:59,480
Speaker 3: it's just proof. Your dream is just proof that I'm

682
00:29:59,480 --> 00:30:00,480
Speaker 3: going to cheat you.

683
00:30:00,480 --> 00:30:02,600
Speaker 4: He thaw me your dream and all I thought was

684
00:30:02,720 --> 00:30:05,400
Speaker 4: I need a Becky, I need a Susie, that I

685
00:30:05,440 --> 00:30:05,720
Speaker 4: need a.

686
00:30:05,840 --> 00:30:09,120
Speaker 3: Donna, that he's starting to resent me, and a lot

687
00:30:09,160 --> 00:30:11,760
Speaker 3: of other things. But my mind kind of went numb.

688
00:30:11,840 --> 00:30:14,320
Speaker 3: I honestly had no idea where this was coming from.

689
00:30:14,480 --> 00:30:16,680
Speaker 3: We were literally supposed to pick out our wedding cake

690
00:30:16,760 --> 00:30:19,600
Speaker 3: that afternoon, and there is an update. But what do you.

691
00:30:19,680 --> 00:30:21,920
Speaker 4: Think feet got so cold? He dipped him in liquid

692
00:30:22,000 --> 00:30:23,760
Speaker 4: nitrogen and struck him with a hammer.

693
00:30:24,080 --> 00:30:26,520
Speaker 2: Yeah. He's like, h well, I don't know.

694
00:30:26,640 --> 00:30:29,520
Speaker 4: I'm having second thoughts about our wedding, mostly because I'm

695
00:30:29,560 --> 00:30:30,720
Speaker 4: going to cheat on you.

696
00:30:30,920 --> 00:30:31,200
Speaker 2: Yeah.

697
00:30:31,240 --> 00:30:33,360
Speaker 3: That's a pretty crazy way to say that you're having

698
00:30:33,400 --> 00:30:36,320
Speaker 3: second thoughts about the relationship instead of just being like, hey,

699
00:30:36,920 --> 00:30:39,120
Speaker 3: I'm going to be mature and say like, I'm having

700
00:30:39,360 --> 00:30:41,920
Speaker 3: such and such issues in our relationship. I think we

701
00:30:41,960 --> 00:30:45,600
Speaker 3: should maybe wait on the marriage, or I don't think

702
00:30:45,640 --> 00:30:48,000
Speaker 3: this relationship is working out. There's so many different options.

703
00:30:48,040 --> 00:30:50,160
Speaker 3: Then I think I'm gonna cheat on you.

704
00:30:50,200 --> 00:30:52,080
Speaker 2: What was the beginning of the story with the dover.

705
00:30:52,080 --> 00:30:53,720
Speaker 2: We didn't get any details on what the dream was.

706
00:30:54,000 --> 00:30:56,760
Speaker 3: No, she just said that in the dream he cheated.

707
00:30:56,480 --> 00:30:58,680
Speaker 4: On her and she got mad, uh huh, and then

708
00:30:58,720 --> 00:31:01,120
Speaker 4: he admitted to be like, I feel like I am

709
00:31:01,160 --> 00:31:01,760
Speaker 4: gonna cheat on you.

710
00:31:01,840 --> 00:31:03,360
Speaker 3: Yeah, he was like, that was me in your dream.

711
00:31:03,400 --> 00:31:05,320
Speaker 4: He's like the the reason he's throwing his arms up

712
00:31:05,320 --> 00:31:06,480
Speaker 4: and running away because he's.

713
00:31:06,360 --> 00:31:09,400
Speaker 2: Like, ah, she couldn't even get to do it yet.

714
00:31:09,520 --> 00:31:11,600
Speaker 3: Ridiculous, She's already did it.

715
00:31:11,760 --> 00:31:12,880
Speaker 2: She's already catching me.

716
00:31:13,440 --> 00:31:16,160
Speaker 3: Update. I had thought a lot on what to do

717
00:31:16,360 --> 00:31:18,920
Speaker 3: or say when I got home after work today. I

718
00:31:19,040 --> 00:31:22,520
Speaker 3: just felt so blindsided by his comments that I needed

719
00:31:22,560 --> 00:31:25,600
Speaker 3: an explanation. So when I got home, we both talked

720
00:31:25,600 --> 00:31:28,640
Speaker 3: and cried, and I explained that I'm not sure what's

721
00:31:28,680 --> 00:31:31,640
Speaker 3: going on, but he is my soulmate and I want

722
00:31:31,640 --> 00:31:34,160
Speaker 3: to work through whatever it is he's going through why

723
00:31:34,240 --> 00:31:36,680
Speaker 3: he felt that way about me now, seemingly out of

724
00:31:36,680 --> 00:31:38,960
Speaker 3: the blue. That's when he told me that he's been

725
00:31:39,000 --> 00:31:43,200
Speaker 3: having feelings for someone else, an old coworker.

726
00:31:42,560 --> 00:31:49,160
Speaker 2: An old, raggedy, wrinkley coworker. She's ninety eight thousand years old.

727
00:31:49,680 --> 00:31:51,880
Speaker 3: I know he messaged her, but as far as I knew,

728
00:31:52,040 --> 00:31:55,320
Speaker 3: it was just history facts or updates on how everyone

729
00:31:55,400 --> 00:31:57,880
Speaker 3: was at his old workplace. He said that it mostly

730
00:31:57,960 --> 00:31:58,320
Speaker 3: was that I.

731
00:31:59,520 --> 00:32:02,880
Speaker 4: Just needed girl who does history facts, Babe, I need

732
00:32:02,920 --> 00:32:04,280
Speaker 4: someone who wants to converse.

733
00:32:04,320 --> 00:32:05,400
Speaker 2: The sorry romans.

734
00:32:05,400 --> 00:32:07,600
Speaker 3: I thought it was history common facts or updates. It's

735
00:32:07,800 --> 00:32:09,360
Speaker 3: history facts or updates.

736
00:32:09,560 --> 00:32:12,120
Speaker 2: I need somebody who knows about Hadrian's Wall.

737
00:32:13,560 --> 00:32:18,800
Speaker 3: No one's talking about the Mesopotamian Empire. Why are we

738
00:32:18,880 --> 00:32:21,720
Speaker 3: talking about it? He said that it mostly was that,

739
00:32:21,920 --> 00:32:24,240
Speaker 3: but as of recently, she told him how she felt

740
00:32:24,320 --> 00:32:27,200
Speaker 3: and he reciprocated those feelings back. He told me he

741
00:32:27,240 --> 00:32:30,360
Speaker 3: doesn't think it's love, but with him being brutally honest,

742
00:32:30,600 --> 00:32:33,840
Speaker 3: he is interested in her and her facts. He told

743
00:32:33,840 --> 00:32:35,960
Speaker 3: me he for sure loves me, but has been torn.

744
00:32:36,080 --> 00:32:39,240
Speaker 3: He said, no, no, no, babe, I for sure love you,

745
00:32:39,640 --> 00:32:44,880
Speaker 3: definitely love you. However, I would, though, so very much

746
00:32:45,280 --> 00:32:50,320
Speaker 3: like to a noodle with this other person. Crudal if

747
00:32:50,320 --> 00:32:50,680
Speaker 3: you will.

748
00:32:50,760 --> 00:32:53,240
Speaker 6: What's that Johnny Depp quote where it's like, if you

749
00:32:53,360 --> 00:32:55,160
Speaker 6: love a woman, but then you fall in love with

750
00:32:55,160 --> 00:32:57,040
Speaker 6: a second woman, who do you pick like your first

751
00:32:57,040 --> 00:32:59,400
Speaker 6: love or second love? If you've already fall in love

752
00:32:59,440 --> 00:33:01,200
Speaker 6: with the second woman, there's no point to go back

753
00:33:01,200 --> 00:33:01,840
Speaker 6: to the first woman.

754
00:33:02,040 --> 00:33:04,280
Speaker 2: Oh no, My only Johnny Depp quote is that when

755
00:33:04,320 --> 00:33:06,280
Speaker 2: he's like, that was not a dog that did that.

756
00:33:06,560 --> 00:33:08,440
Speaker 3: I got a jar of debt.

757
00:33:09,800 --> 00:33:12,960
Speaker 6: No dog have definitely butchered that what he said.

758
00:33:13,080 --> 00:33:17,360
Speaker 3: Also, Crudle just learned from the game Boulder Dash means

759
00:33:17,360 --> 00:33:18,160
Speaker 3: to cuddle up with.

760
00:33:18,520 --> 00:33:19,880
Speaker 6: Oh is that you say your boyfriend?

761
00:33:20,120 --> 00:33:23,360
Speaker 2: No, that's cuddle. Also, it's just an accent.

762
00:33:26,320 --> 00:33:29,400
Speaker 3: Guess what twang delo means is spun? I don't know

763
00:33:29,520 --> 00:33:33,840
Speaker 3: a sharp slap, twang dello, twang delo. Anyway, I ended

764
00:33:33,920 --> 00:33:36,680
Speaker 3: up giving him an ultimatum, cut her off and blocker

765
00:33:36,800 --> 00:33:39,520
Speaker 3: to continue what we had, or I'm leaving. I know

766
00:33:39,560 --> 00:33:42,280
Speaker 3: the first option probably isn't the healthiest, but we've been

767
00:33:42,320 --> 00:33:44,760
Speaker 3: together for so long and I really care about him.

768
00:33:44,960 --> 00:33:46,280
Speaker 3: Am I in denial?

769
00:33:46,400 --> 00:33:48,800
Speaker 2: You are literally a whole river in Egypt.

770
00:33:49,120 --> 00:33:49,440
Speaker 6: Yep.

771
00:33:50,000 --> 00:33:52,600
Speaker 3: I need help and advice, and there is a second update.

772
00:33:52,680 --> 00:33:55,280
Speaker 3: With the help of my family and wonderful coworkers, I

773
00:33:55,400 --> 00:33:58,000
Speaker 3: was able to leave the next day. My manager worked

774
00:33:58,040 --> 00:34:01,440
Speaker 3: out something where I can potentially answer into a position

775
00:34:01,560 --> 00:34:04,560
Speaker 3: back in my hometown. This was amazing to hear because

776
00:34:04,640 --> 00:34:06,600
Speaker 3: I was under the impression I would have to quit

777
00:34:06,800 --> 00:34:09,120
Speaker 3: since I would have had to be in my position

778
00:34:09,160 --> 00:34:11,719
Speaker 3: for at least a year after the original transfer. My

779
00:34:11,800 --> 00:34:14,719
Speaker 3: sister immediately called off work and drove hours to come

780
00:34:14,800 --> 00:34:17,320
Speaker 3: get me and my things. I had so many family

781
00:34:17,320 --> 00:34:19,640
Speaker 3: members and friends call me on my drive back with

782
00:34:19,719 --> 00:34:21,520
Speaker 3: her that it made it a lot easier for me

783
00:34:21,600 --> 00:34:23,880
Speaker 3: to accept what was happening. My family took me out

784
00:34:23,920 --> 00:34:26,120
Speaker 3: to dinner once we got back in town, but due

785
00:34:26,160 --> 00:34:29,000
Speaker 3: to the stress of this, I hadn't eaten in three days,

786
00:34:29,680 --> 00:34:32,040
Speaker 3: so it felt nice to finally be in a space

787
00:34:32,120 --> 00:34:34,200
Speaker 3: where I got a little bit of my appetite back.

788
00:34:34,360 --> 00:34:36,760
Speaker 3: I am beyond grateful to have them with me, because

789
00:34:36,800 --> 00:34:38,600
Speaker 3: I don't know what I would have done without their

790
00:34:38,640 --> 00:34:41,319
Speaker 3: support and love. But this morning I am contemplating on

791
00:34:41,360 --> 00:34:44,080
Speaker 3: whether I should do something so I know who the

792
00:34:44,120 --> 00:34:47,200
Speaker 3: girl is that he's been talking to. Like I stated before,

793
00:34:47,320 --> 00:34:50,040
Speaker 3: I have met her before at one of his work functions.

794
00:34:50,200 --> 00:34:52,760
Speaker 3: There is a little bit left to this story. Any

795
00:34:53,120 --> 00:34:54,319
Speaker 3: final thoughts.

796
00:34:54,280 --> 00:34:57,680
Speaker 2: You should probably leave. Yeah, I don't know he m

797
00:34:58,200 --> 00:35:01,359
Speaker 2: my soul made and like good or new.

798
00:35:01,719 --> 00:35:02,799
Speaker 3: Yeah, I don't think he's your soul.

799
00:35:03,239 --> 00:35:05,640
Speaker 2: At the very least you're got and not get married.

800
00:35:05,920 --> 00:35:08,040
Speaker 3: I agree. I wanted to talk to her about this.

801
00:35:08,239 --> 00:35:10,960
Speaker 3: I know that may sound silly or even stupid, but

802
00:35:11,040 --> 00:35:13,080
Speaker 3: I think she needs to be told what she and

803
00:35:13,160 --> 00:35:15,799
Speaker 3: him did was wrong and that she needs to come

804
00:35:15,840 --> 00:35:17,439
Speaker 3: clean to her current boyfriend as well.

805
00:35:17,520 --> 00:35:19,360
Speaker 4: Now you're doing the thing where you're trying to put.

806
00:35:19,440 --> 00:35:21,040
Speaker 4: I know it's like you're saying, it's both of them

807
00:35:21,040 --> 00:35:22,480
Speaker 4: did something wrong. But I feel like this is the

808
00:35:22,520 --> 00:35:25,200
Speaker 4: thing where you want like, well, I'll put more responsibility

809
00:35:25,200 --> 00:35:27,920
Speaker 4: on the other person, so then it lessens the blow

810
00:35:28,000 --> 00:35:31,040
Speaker 4: to my own relationship. But she cannot get married now,

811
00:35:31,160 --> 00:35:34,520
Speaker 4: at the very least, it cannot do the marriage until.

812
00:35:34,640 --> 00:35:35,719
Speaker 3: Until you sort this out.

813
00:35:35,880 --> 00:35:38,879
Speaker 2: A lot of problems have been worked out.

814
00:35:39,080 --> 00:35:41,520
Speaker 3: I was contemplating writing a letter and leaving it at

815
00:35:41,520 --> 00:35:44,120
Speaker 3: her workplace, just kind of explaining everything I want to

816
00:35:44,160 --> 00:35:46,279
Speaker 3: say to her for a more context. I would not

817
00:35:46,360 --> 00:35:48,440
Speaker 3: be ripping her a new one or calling her names

818
00:35:48,480 --> 00:35:50,960
Speaker 3: as much as I really want to, just outlining why

819
00:35:51,160 --> 00:35:53,359
Speaker 3: what he and her did was wrong and how messed

820
00:35:53,440 --> 00:35:56,160
Speaker 3: up it is. After that, I'll let it be. But

821
00:35:56,239 --> 00:35:57,960
Speaker 3: I just feel like it's the kind of closure I

822
00:35:58,040 --> 00:36:00,160
Speaker 3: need to really move on. But then part of me

823
00:36:00,239 --> 00:36:02,600
Speaker 3: is wondering if even doing that is worth it at all.

824
00:36:02,760 --> 00:36:05,359
Speaker 3: And that is the end of the story. Good luck, op.

825
00:36:05,960 --> 00:36:08,240
Speaker 3: I don't know if this relationship is gonna.

826
00:36:08,800 --> 00:36:11,880
Speaker 4: Go to the husband's story, get a new husband, Okay, yeah,

827
00:36:12,239 --> 00:36:13,800
Speaker 4: just ta go to the husband's.

828
00:36:13,400 --> 00:36:16,120
Speaker 3: Story and start over fresh.

829
00:36:16,160 --> 00:36:18,480
Speaker 2: And that's the end of this story. Let's head to

830
00:36:18,480 --> 00:36:19,040
Speaker 2: the next one.

831
00:36:20,040 --> 00:36:23,080
Speaker 3: My wife left me after she realized she's into girls.

832
00:36:23,360 --> 00:36:24,839
Speaker 2: Well what else is she gonna do?

833
00:36:25,320 --> 00:36:28,319
Speaker 3: I forty one male, met my wife online about ten

834
00:36:28,560 --> 00:36:32,000
Speaker 3: years ago. We hit it off immediately with lots of chemistry,

835
00:36:32,120 --> 00:36:35,320
Speaker 3: and we had a string of coincidental overlaps in our lives.

836
00:36:35,560 --> 00:36:37,960
Speaker 3: Things moved along quickly. By the way, this comes from

837
00:36:38,000 --> 00:36:40,000
Speaker 3: cast Master, And if you want to sumit your own stories,

838
00:36:40,040 --> 00:36:42,040
Speaker 3: go to the r slash Okay story time suppared it.

839
00:36:42,239 --> 00:36:45,359
Speaker 3: I'm Sophia, I'm Dakota, I'm key On, and we're here

840
00:36:45,360 --> 00:36:47,120
Speaker 3: to give good advice. Goofy, but we don't have all

841
00:36:47,120 --> 00:36:49,080
Speaker 3: the answers. You only know what we do, so let

842
00:36:49,160 --> 00:36:51,000
Speaker 3: us know what you would do in the comments and

843
00:36:51,120 --> 00:36:53,439
Speaker 3: oh p says. I moved out of my place into

844
00:36:53,480 --> 00:36:56,080
Speaker 3: hers about half a year later, and then she moved

845
00:36:56,120 --> 00:36:59,040
Speaker 3: into mine a year after that. Three years into the relationship,

846
00:36:59,080 --> 00:37:01,439
Speaker 3: I asked her to marry me and she said yes.

847
00:37:01,680 --> 00:37:04,720
Speaker 3: That was seven years ago. We bought a house, moved

848
00:37:04,760 --> 00:37:07,040
Speaker 3: to the suburbs and tried to start a family, but

849
00:37:07,120 --> 00:37:09,080
Speaker 3: had no luck. We chalked it up to age, but

850
00:37:09,239 --> 00:37:11,920
Speaker 3: have continued to try for about three years now. Our

851
00:37:11,960 --> 00:37:15,000
Speaker 3: relationship had some bumps. Her dad is super handy and

852
00:37:15,120 --> 00:37:18,120
Speaker 3: I am not, and she felt I neglected my duties

853
00:37:18,160 --> 00:37:20,680
Speaker 3: around the house with cleaning and fixing things up. She

854
00:37:20,840 --> 00:37:24,200
Speaker 3: was mostly right. I am not proactive about chores, and

855
00:37:24,239 --> 00:37:26,360
Speaker 3: she has been vocal about me needing to pull my

856
00:37:26,400 --> 00:37:29,439
Speaker 3: weight and be more romantic. I am very cerebral and

857
00:37:29,520 --> 00:37:33,680
Speaker 3: analytic and mostly lacking in the pathos demartment. Our spicy

858
00:37:33,719 --> 00:37:37,240
Speaker 3: sleep life started to atrophy about the time we started

859
00:37:37,280 --> 00:37:40,160
Speaker 3: trying to conceive an act of joy and love suddenly

860
00:37:40,160 --> 00:37:42,680
Speaker 3: became more of an obligation in my mind, and we

861
00:37:42,719 --> 00:37:45,600
Speaker 3: both got maybe a little too comfortable in the relationship.

862
00:37:45,719 --> 00:37:48,359
Speaker 3: We started to gain weight. Fart in front of each

863
00:37:48,400 --> 00:37:53,799
Speaker 3: other now and all the normal things you learned to

864
00:37:53,840 --> 00:37:55,879
Speaker 3: live with in a long term relationship.

865
00:37:56,000 --> 00:37:57,680
Speaker 6: Have you not farted in front of your boyfriend?

866
00:37:57,719 --> 00:37:57,839
Speaker 2: Ye?

867
00:37:58,080 --> 00:38:00,719
Speaker 3: Me, yeah, as neither here nor there.

868
00:38:00,960 --> 00:38:03,799
Speaker 4: I always try not to, but I'm trying to get

869
00:38:03,800 --> 00:38:04,920
Speaker 4: her to tolerate it.

870
00:38:05,760 --> 00:38:06,520
Speaker 2: You're gonna have to.

871
00:38:06,880 --> 00:38:10,320
Speaker 3: That's a personal question, Keon, is it really I can't

872
00:38:10,360 --> 00:38:11,680
Speaker 3: tell you that this information.

873
00:38:12,000 --> 00:38:13,160
Speaker 6: I'm very open about it.

874
00:38:13,239 --> 00:38:16,560
Speaker 7: I have farted, dude, this guy Farah, he's a farter.

875
00:38:17,840 --> 00:38:20,560
Speaker 3: I fart, but I was still very attracted to her,

876
00:38:20,600 --> 00:38:22,680
Speaker 3: and she said she was to me as well. However,

877
00:38:22,800 --> 00:38:25,799
Speaker 3: she was looking for flowers, candles, and loving whispers, and

878
00:38:25,840 --> 00:38:28,560
Speaker 3: I wasn't offering her those things. So we were both

879
00:38:28,640 --> 00:38:31,960
Speaker 3: aware of the problems we were facing even before this

880
00:38:32,080 --> 00:38:34,440
Speaker 3: most recent bump. Last night, she told me that on

881
00:38:34,480 --> 00:38:36,240
Speaker 3: a recent trip she met a woman.

882
00:38:36,440 --> 00:38:38,640
Speaker 4: I say that the best couple's way to fart in

883
00:38:38,640 --> 00:38:41,719
Speaker 4: front of each other is you play guess my part, and.

884
00:38:41,719 --> 00:38:44,600
Speaker 2: You got and one person guesses how it's gonna sound.

885
00:38:45,120 --> 00:38:47,960
Speaker 6: You go like you've never You go like I've done that.

886
00:38:48,560 --> 00:38:51,640
Speaker 6: Carly's guessed it correctly. I've guessed hers correctly. It's hilarious.

887
00:38:52,200 --> 00:38:54,440
Speaker 3: Last night she told me that on a recent trip,

888
00:38:54,600 --> 00:38:56,959
Speaker 3: she met a woman and they hung out for quite

889
00:38:57,000 --> 00:39:00,080
Speaker 3: a while. This woman tried to kiss her and she

890
00:39:00,120 --> 00:39:03,040
Speaker 3: resisted the advance, but she told me that she had

891
00:39:03,200 --> 00:39:05,960
Speaker 3: strong feelings for this woman and wanted to kiss her

892
00:39:06,200 --> 00:39:09,480
Speaker 3: and is now questioning her identity and may have always

893
00:39:09,520 --> 00:39:12,560
Speaker 3: been a sapphoc and is only now realizing it. Obviously,

894
00:39:12,640 --> 00:39:15,120
Speaker 3: that was a lot to process after ten years together.

895
00:39:15,239 --> 00:39:17,600
Speaker 3: I do still love her, and I am very grateful

896
00:39:17,640 --> 00:39:19,799
Speaker 3: that she felt comfortable enough to be honest with me

897
00:39:19,840 --> 00:39:21,840
Speaker 3: about it. I told her that I was one hundred

898
00:39:21,840 --> 00:39:25,320
Speaker 3: percent supportive of whatever she's feeling, and that her happiness

899
00:39:25,400 --> 00:39:27,799
Speaker 3: is my main concern. That is true. I would never

900
00:39:27,840 --> 00:39:30,319
Speaker 3: want to deny someone being who they feel they are,

901
00:39:30,560 --> 00:39:33,600
Speaker 3: and I understand that identity is complex and can change

902
00:39:33,640 --> 00:39:36,160
Speaker 3: even after ten or more years. I'm not looking to

903
00:39:36,200 --> 00:39:39,320
Speaker 3: deny her of her true feelings. Shortly after, I asked

904
00:39:39,400 --> 00:39:41,920
Speaker 3: if she had any contact with this woman since that night,

905
00:39:42,000 --> 00:39:44,280
Speaker 3: and she said she had. They had texted and talked

906
00:39:44,320 --> 00:39:46,600
Speaker 3: on the phone. I asked if she would be comfortable

907
00:39:46,600 --> 00:39:49,080
Speaker 3: with me reading these texts, and she said she had

908
00:39:49,080 --> 00:39:52,040
Speaker 3: deleted them hearing that. I told her that I was

909
00:39:52,120 --> 00:39:55,040
Speaker 3: not comfortable with her staying in contact with this person.

910
00:39:55,239 --> 00:39:58,359
Speaker 3: My feeling is that I fully support her identity in

911
00:39:58,400 --> 00:40:01,120
Speaker 3: whatever form, but that our mayor marriage is an agreement

912
00:40:01,160 --> 00:40:04,000
Speaker 3: of loyalty and trust, and I felt this breach to

913
00:40:04,000 --> 00:40:06,719
Speaker 3: that bond. If she indeed needs time to work out

914
00:40:06,719 --> 00:40:09,400
Speaker 3: her identity, then I will be there for her, but

915
00:40:09,520 --> 00:40:11,640
Speaker 3: I think we should work it out together and not

916
00:40:11,800 --> 00:40:15,080
Speaker 3: with an interloper involved. Her talking to this other person

917
00:40:15,160 --> 00:40:17,400
Speaker 3: felt like a betrayal, but I'm curious to see what

918
00:40:17,440 --> 00:40:20,120
Speaker 3: a counselor was saying. We're going to a relationship counselor

919
00:40:20,160 --> 00:40:22,160
Speaker 3: as soon as she gets back from her most recent

920
00:40:22,200 --> 00:40:25,280
Speaker 3: work trip. We've been talking constantly, though I feel mostly

921
00:40:25,360 --> 00:40:27,320
Speaker 3: hurt and so I do not have much to offer

922
00:40:27,440 --> 00:40:30,440
Speaker 3: until she figures this out. Thanks for listening. I needed

923
00:40:30,440 --> 00:40:32,640
Speaker 3: to get this off my chest, and until we meet

924
00:40:32,640 --> 00:40:36,240
Speaker 3: the counselor, I do not want to involve friends, family,

925
00:40:36,520 --> 00:40:40,520
Speaker 3: or coworkers. Yes, we work together too. Comment one says,

926
00:40:40,560 --> 00:40:43,719
Speaker 3: you're being very sweet and understanding, but this isn't just

927
00:40:43,760 --> 00:40:46,480
Speaker 3: a story about your wife discovering who she is. This

928
00:40:46,640 --> 00:40:49,560
Speaker 3: is a story about a man potentially losing his partner

929
00:40:49,960 --> 00:40:54,160
Speaker 3: of ten years for someone who identified as cerebral and unemotional.

930
00:40:54,520 --> 00:40:58,560
Speaker 3: You're exhibiting a staggering amount of empathy here. Be careful

931
00:40:58,640 --> 00:41:01,120
Speaker 3: that it's not at the expense of your own happiness.

932
00:41:01,320 --> 00:41:04,120
Speaker 3: If your wife was texting another dude, how would you

933
00:41:04,120 --> 00:41:06,840
Speaker 3: feel she doesn't get a pass just because it's a woman.

934
00:41:07,080 --> 00:41:10,719
Speaker 3: Be confident in your own boundaries here. Op says, I

935
00:41:10,760 --> 00:41:12,959
Speaker 3: think you're missing the point, which is that I am

936
00:41:13,120 --> 00:41:17,040
Speaker 3: drawing a boundary. Identity can be explored within the context

937
00:41:17,080 --> 00:41:20,080
Speaker 3: of a relationship. My line gets drawn when a private

938
00:41:20,160 --> 00:41:23,160
Speaker 3: relationship is forming on the side. Now, I can see

939
00:41:23,200 --> 00:41:25,719
Speaker 3: that the pathway is rather narrow for this, since there's

940
00:41:25,760 --> 00:41:28,080
Speaker 3: only one woman in our relationship, which is why it's

941
00:41:28,280 --> 00:41:32,600
Speaker 3: either explore identity with me or completely without me. Reply

942
00:41:32,719 --> 00:41:35,439
Speaker 3: says this is a healthy attitude. It's important to keep

943
00:41:35,480 --> 00:41:38,480
Speaker 3: side of the fact that identity does not justify cheating.

944
00:41:38,640 --> 00:41:40,719
Speaker 3: If your wife no longer wants to be with you

945
00:41:40,800 --> 00:41:44,080
Speaker 3: op the person, then she needs to leave. There cannot

946
00:41:44,080 --> 00:41:47,400
Speaker 3: be any exploring identity if that means spicy sleep with

947
00:41:47,440 --> 00:41:50,120
Speaker 3: other people when you're still within a relationship. This is

948
00:41:50,160 --> 00:41:52,600
Speaker 3: the sort of thing that counseling is great for to

949
00:41:52,600 --> 00:41:55,319
Speaker 3: help you and your wife both work out where you

950
00:41:55,400 --> 00:41:58,399
Speaker 3: stand and where to go from here. Comment two says

951
00:41:58,400 --> 00:42:00,880
Speaker 3: it could be a multitude of things. Maybe she's sappoc

952
00:42:01,040 --> 00:42:04,360
Speaker 3: maybe she's by maybe neither, maybe any of the above,

953
00:42:04,600 --> 00:42:07,400
Speaker 3: and the added mystery and excitement to a new relationship,

954
00:42:07,560 --> 00:42:10,560
Speaker 3: or simply feeling wanted by another made or tempted. It

955
00:42:10,600 --> 00:42:12,799
Speaker 3: sounds like she might be bored with her relationship with you,

956
00:42:13,000 --> 00:42:15,359
Speaker 3: and here's this woman who she is building up, who

957
00:42:15,480 --> 00:42:19,360
Speaker 3: might give her the candles flowers and whispering sweet nothings

958
00:42:19,680 --> 00:42:22,000
Speaker 3: and put effort into the relationship. And there's a bunch

959
00:42:22,040 --> 00:42:24,120
Speaker 3: more comments, But do you have any thoughts let's take

960
00:42:24,120 --> 00:42:24,759
Speaker 3: a pause there.

961
00:42:25,239 --> 00:42:27,120
Speaker 4: Yeah, I mean I think if if you guys don't

962
00:42:27,120 --> 00:42:29,480
Speaker 4: find a way through counseling, I don't know. I just

963
00:42:29,520 --> 00:42:34,280
Speaker 4: think it's someone realizing, like I like women, yeah, and.

964
00:42:34,120 --> 00:42:37,239
Speaker 2: You're not one, and you know, not of women, you

965
00:42:37,320 --> 00:42:38,360
Speaker 2: are not women.

966
00:42:38,880 --> 00:42:41,200
Speaker 3: And I think that Opie's got the right attitude. It's like,

967
00:42:41,480 --> 00:42:43,960
Speaker 3: either you know, we explore this together, or you realize

968
00:42:44,000 --> 00:42:45,920
Speaker 3: that you're not attracted to me and you don't want

969
00:42:45,920 --> 00:42:47,480
Speaker 3: to be in a relationship with me and you want

970
00:42:47,520 --> 00:42:50,480
Speaker 3: to explore something else. Yeah, in which case we end

971
00:42:50,520 --> 00:42:51,319
Speaker 3: this relationship.

972
00:42:52,239 --> 00:42:52,479
Speaker 2: Yeah.

973
00:42:52,480 --> 00:42:53,799
Speaker 4: It's just one of those things that you can be

974
00:42:54,000 --> 00:42:56,719
Speaker 4: supportive as you can, you know, but yeah, it's still

975
00:42:57,320 --> 00:43:01,799
Speaker 4: supportive to yourself. Might mean like the relationship is over.

976
00:43:02,040 --> 00:43:05,200
Speaker 3: Yeah, Ohpi says. I think this is accurate and reinforces

977
00:43:05,239 --> 00:43:08,040
Speaker 3: what I think may be happening. She's very attractive and

978
00:43:08,080 --> 00:43:10,759
Speaker 3: a lot of men approach her, but perhaps the masculinity

979
00:43:10,840 --> 00:43:13,440
Speaker 3: is toxic to her. A woman who understands a woman

980
00:43:13,520 --> 00:43:15,480
Speaker 3: will have a different approach, and so she may be

981
00:43:15,600 --> 00:43:18,480
Speaker 3: responding to it when normally she is shut off or defensive.

982
00:43:18,560 --> 00:43:21,360
Speaker 3: She comes from a strict household too, though, so perhaps

983
00:43:21,400 --> 00:43:24,879
Speaker 3: this has been buried the entire time and only now manifesting.

984
00:43:25,239 --> 00:43:28,319
Speaker 3: That's where the therapy comes in. I think updates, let's

985
00:43:28,320 --> 00:43:30,439
Speaker 3: get into it. The day she left for her work trip,

986
00:43:30,480 --> 00:43:33,759
Speaker 3: I felt the first waves of paranoia and jealousy. When

987
00:43:33,760 --> 00:43:35,839
Speaker 3: we talked that night, I asked her to make sure

988
00:43:35,920 --> 00:43:39,360
Speaker 3: she understood how important it was for the sake of

989
00:43:39,400 --> 00:43:41,920
Speaker 3: our marriage and my well being to not break her

990
00:43:41,960 --> 00:43:45,160
Speaker 3: promise to not communicate with this other person. I asked

991
00:43:45,160 --> 00:43:47,880
Speaker 3: for us to get through counseling before she resumed contact.

992
00:43:47,920 --> 00:43:50,160
Speaker 3: She said she knew and that she would not. I

993
00:43:50,600 --> 00:43:52,160
Speaker 3: really think she's going to do it anyway.

994
00:43:52,560 --> 00:43:54,000
Speaker 2: Really feels like she's going to do it.

995
00:43:54,760 --> 00:43:57,560
Speaker 3: Do it anyway. Two days later, she returned and was

996
00:43:57,600 --> 00:44:00,000
Speaker 3: home when I got back from work. After we ate dinner,

997
00:44:00,080 --> 00:44:03,160
Speaker 3: we started to discuss our future. Soon into that conversation,

998
00:44:03,480 --> 00:44:07,200
Speaker 3: several truths were revealed. The contact between them had been

999
00:44:07,320 --> 00:44:12,759
Speaker 3: nearly constant since the vagus encounter. Yikes, there was more

1000
00:44:12,800 --> 00:44:16,279
Speaker 3: than a feeling there was making out in kissing melekes

1001
00:44:16,560 --> 00:44:19,400
Speaker 3: the contact was still happening. The last truth was the

1002
00:44:19,400 --> 00:44:22,560
Speaker 3: thing that will now lead to our divorce. The infidelity

1003
00:44:22,600 --> 00:44:25,640
Speaker 3: is bad, may be unforgivable in and of itself, but

1004
00:44:25,719 --> 00:44:28,160
Speaker 3: the violation of trust and the manner in which my

1005
00:44:28,239 --> 00:44:31,640
Speaker 3: wife of seven years has disregarded my feelings is the

1006
00:44:31,640 --> 00:44:34,480
Speaker 3: most painful part. She's been saying I didn't have a choice,

1007
00:44:34,520 --> 00:44:37,360
Speaker 3: and in terms of her spicy proclivity, that may be true,

1008
00:44:37,560 --> 00:44:40,160
Speaker 3: but the choice to act on those feelings was hers.

1009
00:44:40,400 --> 00:44:43,760
Speaker 3: She was not interested in an open relationship or a threesome.

1010
00:44:43,840 --> 00:44:47,000
Speaker 3: I asked more out of curiosity than anything. I also

1011
00:44:47,080 --> 00:44:50,759
Speaker 3: did not want those arrangements. And learning more information about

1012
00:44:50,760 --> 00:44:53,480
Speaker 3: the relationship, I found out that there is a large

1013
00:44:53,520 --> 00:44:56,560
Speaker 3: age difference. The woman is twenty eight. There is already

1014
00:44:56,600 --> 00:45:01,040
Speaker 3: talk about living together, having kids, IVY and even whether

1015
00:45:01,200 --> 00:45:03,720
Speaker 3: I would donate for the what's.

1016
00:45:03,560 --> 00:45:05,840
Speaker 2: The joke about lesbian's going fast?

1017
00:45:06,000 --> 00:45:11,160
Speaker 3: Yeah? Wow yo yea. To even bring up that you,

1018
00:45:11,680 --> 00:45:14,600
Speaker 3: I don't know, like asking you to donate for IVF

1019
00:45:14,640 --> 00:45:16,720
Speaker 3: is insane, Like they're cheating on you.

1020
00:45:16,800 --> 00:45:19,880
Speaker 2: Yeah, that is that is pretty crazy.

1021
00:45:20,800 --> 00:45:23,640
Speaker 3: The thing I was not prepared for was when fifteen

1022
00:45:23,680 --> 00:45:26,439
Speaker 3: minutes later she was on her phone booking a one

1023
00:45:26,480 --> 00:45:28,720
Speaker 3: way flight out of town to go see the person.

1024
00:45:28,760 --> 00:45:30,440
Speaker 3: The next day. I am still in a bit of

1025
00:45:30,480 --> 00:45:33,120
Speaker 3: shock over how cold and insensitive that was.

1026
00:45:33,360 --> 00:45:37,000
Speaker 4: Any final thoughts, don't give your baby juice and I'll

1027
00:45:37,080 --> 00:45:38,280
Speaker 4: see you with the gym.

1028
00:45:38,560 --> 00:45:42,160
Speaker 3: Yeah, it's we're divorcing. You want to be with this woman.

1029
00:45:42,320 --> 00:45:45,799
Speaker 3: I gave you my boundaries. You just knocked over all

1030
00:45:45,840 --> 00:45:48,319
Speaker 3: of them, and there it is, and that's that and

1031
00:45:48,440 --> 00:45:50,640
Speaker 3: it sucks. The next morning she left to be with

1032
00:45:50,680 --> 00:45:53,239
Speaker 3: this woman. It's been several days since she's been gone.

1033
00:45:53,400 --> 00:45:56,240
Speaker 3: We've talked, though, mostly about what is happening with regards

1034
00:45:56,239 --> 00:45:58,880
Speaker 3: to our marriage and general plans about selling our house.

1035
00:45:59,080 --> 00:46:01,680
Speaker 3: For a few days she refused to seek counseling, but

1036
00:46:01,800 --> 00:46:04,520
Speaker 3: last night she promised to move forward with it. It's

1037
00:46:04,520 --> 00:46:06,560
Speaker 3: hard to trust that it will happen when so many

1038
00:46:06,600 --> 00:46:09,720
Speaker 3: promises have been broken lately. My wife is a sapphoc.

1039
00:46:10,200 --> 00:46:12,440
Speaker 3: I'm fine with that. It hurts to lose her and

1040
00:46:12,520 --> 00:46:14,719
Speaker 3: to be abandoned by the person you thought you would

1041
00:46:14,719 --> 00:46:16,839
Speaker 3: spend the rest of your life with. On the other hand,

1042
00:46:16,880 --> 00:46:18,920
Speaker 3: I care for her deeply and I want her to

1043
00:46:18,960 --> 00:46:21,600
Speaker 3: live the life she thinks she wants and deserves. I

1044
00:46:21,640 --> 00:46:23,719
Speaker 3: am a straight man and I cannot be married to

1045
00:46:23,719 --> 00:46:26,360
Speaker 3: a saffok. So I see no hope for our relationship

1046
00:46:26,400 --> 00:46:29,439
Speaker 3: to succeed except as friends. The problem is I only

1047
00:46:29,480 --> 00:46:32,759
Speaker 3: want friends that are loyal, and that is a bar

1048
00:46:33,280 --> 00:46:35,840
Speaker 3: and true. Don't be friends with someone that cheated on

1049
00:46:35,880 --> 00:46:36,879
Speaker 3: you you don't know it to them.

1050
00:46:37,239 --> 00:46:39,319
Speaker 2: Yeah, I don't know if staying friends is the right

1051
00:46:39,360 --> 00:46:39,839
Speaker 2: move here.

1052
00:46:40,000 --> 00:46:43,200
Speaker 3: Not when she cheated on you, no thank you, but folks,

1053
00:46:43,239 --> 00:46:44,640
Speaker 3: that's the end of that story.

1054
00:46:45,320 --> 00:46:49,239
Speaker 7: I left my cheating partner a framed Tinder photo and

1055
00:46:49,400 --> 00:46:50,480
Speaker 7: my final message.

1056
00:46:50,719 --> 00:46:51,800
Speaker 3: What was the message?

1057
00:46:52,080 --> 00:46:53,359
Speaker 2: Ooh, wouldn't you like to know?

1058
00:46:53,840 --> 00:46:55,799
Speaker 7: Well, I twenty seven female just found out that my

1059
00:46:55,920 --> 00:46:59,239
Speaker 7: boyfriend twenty nine male of seven years cheated on me.

1060
00:46:59,400 --> 00:47:01,439
Speaker 7: My boyfriend and went to his home state to see

1061
00:47:01,440 --> 00:47:04,440
Speaker 7: his family for the weekend. He's been going quite often

1062
00:47:04,480 --> 00:47:06,600
Speaker 7: this year, about once a month, saying it's because his

1063
00:47:06,680 --> 00:47:09,719
Speaker 7: grandparents are old and miss him. I thought nothing of

1064
00:47:09,719 --> 00:47:11,920
Speaker 7: it until this morning I got a screenshot from a

1065
00:47:11,960 --> 00:47:15,680
Speaker 7: mutual friend of ours of my boyfriend's location on Snapchat.

1066
00:47:16,120 --> 00:47:18,440
Speaker 7: By the way, this comes from Unlucky Amba twenty four

1067
00:47:18,480 --> 00:47:20,279
Speaker 7: to seventy three, And if you want to submit your

1068
00:47:20,320 --> 00:47:22,640
Speaker 7: own stories. Go to the r slash Okay storytime subreddit.

1069
00:47:22,960 --> 00:47:25,720
Speaker 3: I'm John, I'm Sophia, I'm Carly, and we're.

1070
00:47:25,600 --> 00:47:27,560
Speaker 2: Here to give good advice goofily, but we don't have

1071
00:47:27,600 --> 00:47:28,280
Speaker 2: all the answers.

1072
00:47:28,320 --> 00:47:30,480
Speaker 7: We only know what we do, So leave a comment

1073
00:47:30,640 --> 00:47:33,240
Speaker 7: below telling us what you would do what as Opie says,

1074
00:47:33,840 --> 00:47:37,120
Speaker 7: he was at his parents' house, but a girl's emoji

1075
00:47:37,160 --> 00:47:40,240
Speaker 7: was there as well. It wasn't his sister or mom,

1076
00:47:40,440 --> 00:47:43,560
Speaker 7: and his parents, who weirdly also have a Snapchat, they

1077
00:47:43,560 --> 00:47:45,920
Speaker 7: weren't home either. He didn't tell me he was going

1078
00:47:45,960 --> 00:47:49,200
Speaker 7: to be with anyone anyone else today. I tried to

1079
00:47:49,239 --> 00:47:51,359
Speaker 7: call him, but he did not pick up. I looked

1080
00:47:51,360 --> 00:47:54,560
Speaker 7: on Snapchat and his location was turned off. The mutual

1081
00:47:54,600 --> 00:47:57,160
Speaker 7: friend says, my boyfriend is told everyone at home we

1082
00:47:57,239 --> 00:48:01,080
Speaker 7: had broken up four months ago. He said my boyfriend

1083
00:48:01,120 --> 00:48:03,880
Speaker 7: was making him stay quiet about it because he was

1084
00:48:03,920 --> 00:48:06,600
Speaker 7: trying to find the right time to tell me. As

1085
00:48:06,600 --> 00:48:09,799
Speaker 7: far as his parents know, he's moving home once our

1086
00:48:09,920 --> 00:48:12,520
Speaker 7: lease is up. The reason our mutual friend told me

1087
00:48:12,800 --> 00:48:15,160
Speaker 7: was because he walked in on my boyfriend and the

1088
00:48:15,200 --> 00:48:18,040
Speaker 7: girl hooking up with each other. This morning, I texted

1089
00:48:18,080 --> 00:48:20,120
Speaker 7: an old friend who lives in my hometown, and she

1090
00:48:20,360 --> 00:48:24,040
Speaker 7: immediately asked why my boyfriend was on Tender. We caught

1091
00:48:24,080 --> 00:48:26,600
Speaker 7: up and she sent me proof of his photos on

1092
00:48:26,719 --> 00:48:30,200
Speaker 7: Tender and his bio. It hurt to see that photos

1093
00:48:30,280 --> 00:48:33,600
Speaker 7: I took of him. He had even covered my face

1094
00:48:33,640 --> 00:48:37,240
Speaker 7: in a photo we took together and said, this could

1095
00:48:37,280 --> 00:48:40,000
Speaker 7: be you. I had no idea his family thought we

1096
00:48:40,000 --> 00:48:41,960
Speaker 7: were broken up and that he was looking for other

1097
00:48:42,000 --> 00:48:45,359
Speaker 7: people to date. We even went to Italy a month

1098
00:48:45,360 --> 00:48:50,080
Speaker 7: ago celebrating our seventy year birses, I'm so confused and

1099
00:48:50,120 --> 00:48:52,279
Speaker 7: I don't know what to do. I look around and

1100
00:48:52,360 --> 00:48:55,719
Speaker 7: everything in our apartment seems like a lie. The soon

1101
00:48:55,760 --> 00:48:57,759
Speaker 7: to be ex texted me just now and he is

1102
00:48:57,800 --> 00:49:00,000
Speaker 7: on his flight back. He'll be back in about five hours.

1103
00:49:00,680 --> 00:49:03,400
Speaker 7: Obviously he can find his own way to the apartment

1104
00:49:03,520 --> 00:49:06,160
Speaker 7: from the airport. I'm shocked and numb, but my best

1105
00:49:06,160 --> 00:49:08,400
Speaker 7: friend is with me, helping me pack up all my clothes.

1106
00:49:08,760 --> 00:49:11,800
Speaker 7: I'm leaving and I'm not leaving a trace of myself behind.

1107
00:49:11,960 --> 00:49:14,080
Speaker 7: Our dog is coming with me, and I'll be staying

1108
00:49:14,080 --> 00:49:16,279
Speaker 7: at my best friend's place for now. My soon to

1109
00:49:16,280 --> 00:49:18,759
Speaker 7: be X and I already have separate bank accounts. And

1110
00:49:18,840 --> 00:49:21,239
Speaker 7: our joint bank account does not have that much in

1111
00:49:21,280 --> 00:49:21,799
Speaker 7: it right now.

1112
00:49:21,960 --> 00:49:22,520
Speaker 2: That is good.

1113
00:49:22,920 --> 00:49:25,680
Speaker 7: Yeah, I make more than he does, so he can

1114
00:49:25,800 --> 00:49:27,680
Speaker 7: gave it. I can't go to the leasing office because

1115
00:49:27,680 --> 00:49:30,000
Speaker 7: it's closed on Sundays, but I sent an email asking

1116
00:49:30,040 --> 00:49:33,560
Speaker 7: for an early termination on the lease. We're registered as

1117
00:49:33,600 --> 00:49:37,520
Speaker 7: domestic partners, so I've completed the termination form and we'll

1118
00:49:37,600 --> 00:49:40,200
Speaker 7: drive it up to the LA County office tomorrow.

1119
00:49:40,239 --> 00:49:43,640
Speaker 2: This is this is happening. It's on the ground home turf.

1120
00:49:43,520 --> 00:49:46,240
Speaker 3: Bos on the ground right now, this could.

1121
00:49:46,000 --> 00:49:49,200
Speaker 7: Have happened, are mere minutes away from us. He is

1122
00:49:49,239 --> 00:49:51,160
Speaker 7: on my health insurance, and I've sent the email to

1123
00:49:51,320 --> 00:49:54,680
Speaker 7: HR to punt him off asap. We have several large

1124
00:49:54,680 --> 00:49:56,759
Speaker 7: photo albums together, and I'm not sure what to do

1125
00:49:56,800 --> 00:49:59,239
Speaker 7: with those. Keeping them would be too difficult, but I

1126
00:49:59,280 --> 00:50:02,000
Speaker 7: don't want him to have the satisfaction of having our photos.

1127
00:50:02,280 --> 00:50:05,000
Speaker 7: It's clear he uses our memories in a horrible way.

1128
00:50:05,040 --> 00:50:06,960
Speaker 3: I mean, yeah, we already know what he did with

1129
00:50:07,000 --> 00:50:10,000
Speaker 3: pictures that you took. Slash all show also pictures of you.

1130
00:50:10,719 --> 00:50:11,319
Speaker 6: Yeah.

1131
00:50:11,400 --> 00:50:13,960
Speaker 7: Is there anything I'm missing? I can't seem to think

1132
00:50:13,960 --> 00:50:16,440
Speaker 7: of anything, and all my thoughts seem so jumbled. Nothing

1133
00:50:16,480 --> 00:50:20,080
Speaker 7: makes sense, but I know I can't stay correct. Any

1134
00:50:20,200 --> 00:50:23,040
Speaker 7: help to ghost a person this close to my heart

1135
00:50:23,160 --> 00:50:28,279
Speaker 7: would be appreciated. M commoder says, fill out a change

1136
00:50:28,280 --> 00:50:30,319
Speaker 7: of address form and list of friends address for your

1137
00:50:30,360 --> 00:50:33,400
Speaker 7: mail it's off and overlooked. Additionally, if your shared pet

1138
00:50:33,440 --> 00:50:36,239
Speaker 7: is chipped, have the data on it updated and other

1139
00:50:36,239 --> 00:50:39,320
Speaker 7: pet based records modified to suit the new circumstance. Remove

1140
00:50:39,360 --> 00:50:41,960
Speaker 7: him from your airline miles plan if necessary.

1141
00:50:42,000 --> 00:50:44,440
Speaker 3: Man, get him off everything.

1142
00:50:44,760 --> 00:50:48,640
Speaker 7: Friggin everything, dude, Focus on self care, block him on

1143
00:50:48,640 --> 00:50:50,240
Speaker 7: all platforms, and remember.

1144
00:50:50,080 --> 00:50:51,640
Speaker 2: That good people do exist.

1145
00:50:52,200 --> 00:50:55,160
Speaker 7: He is just not one of them. So I logged

1146
00:50:55,160 --> 00:50:57,920
Speaker 7: myself out of our Apple TV and Xbox. I canceled

1147
00:50:57,920 --> 00:50:59,480
Speaker 7: the Wi Fi that I paid for and returned the

1148
00:50:59,480 --> 00:51:02,560
Speaker 7: modem to the took my parents information for art for

1149
00:51:02,760 --> 00:51:05,080
Speaker 7: utilities off of our account. I packed up all my

1150
00:51:05,480 --> 00:51:08,480
Speaker 7: sauce of spices, cooking oils and made sure to only

1151
00:51:08,600 --> 00:51:12,720
Speaker 7: leave dried rosemary behind because he hates that stuff.

1152
00:51:13,080 --> 00:51:15,200
Speaker 3: Oh pee, you're an evil genius.

1153
00:51:15,360 --> 00:51:19,160
Speaker 2: That's that's that's good. Yeah, you know, because it's it's

1154
00:51:19,160 --> 00:51:20,200
Speaker 2: it's so tasteful.

1155
00:51:20,360 --> 00:51:22,239
Speaker 3: Yeah yeah, yeah, yeah, it's just so.

1156
00:51:22,440 --> 00:51:24,000
Speaker 2: Like hmm, I love it.

1157
00:51:24,120 --> 00:51:26,120
Speaker 7: I printed out and framed a screenshot of his tender

1158
00:51:26,120 --> 00:51:29,720
Speaker 7: profile and left it on the kitchen table.

1159
00:51:31,080 --> 00:51:34,960
Speaker 3: Oh wait, I'm realizing haven't actually had the like not.

1160
00:51:35,000 --> 00:51:38,279
Speaker 7: At all, so there hasn't been. But this is and

1161
00:51:38,320 --> 00:51:39,680
Speaker 7: I would say so that's why I was asking the

1162
00:51:39,760 --> 00:51:42,200
Speaker 7: question earlier. I will say, I do think it is

1163
00:51:42,239 --> 00:51:45,799
Speaker 7: good to send the message purely to be like, hey,

1164
00:51:45,960 --> 00:51:48,600
Speaker 7: let me make this like super crystal clear for you.

1165
00:51:48,640 --> 00:51:50,560
Speaker 7: Don't reach out to me, don't try to cross at me.

1166
00:51:50,680 --> 00:51:54,200
Speaker 3: I see. Yeah, yeah, yeah, because like yeah, I think

1167
00:51:54,320 --> 00:51:56,440
Speaker 3: I think, yeah, send the message just to be one

1168
00:51:56,520 --> 00:51:58,279
Speaker 3: hundred percent clear, so you don't have to deal with

1169
00:51:58,360 --> 00:52:00,920
Speaker 3: him reach out and trying to get you know, or

1170
00:52:01,080 --> 00:52:03,640
Speaker 3: leave a note with the tinder picture.

1171
00:52:05,239 --> 00:52:09,399
Speaker 7: Yeah, as as delicious sounding as it is to have

1172
00:52:09,480 --> 00:52:10,759
Speaker 7: just the rosemary and a tinder pick.

1173
00:52:11,120 --> 00:52:14,640
Speaker 2: Yeah, it's the clear, clear communication clear. I agree.

1174
00:52:15,080 --> 00:52:19,520
Speaker 7: But Opie says, I closed a piece of dog poop

1175
00:52:20,200 --> 00:52:23,160
Speaker 7: onto the photo frame as well. I'll keep the photo

1176
00:52:23,200 --> 00:52:25,640
Speaker 7: albums he can have this. I took a video of

1177
00:52:25,680 --> 00:52:28,120
Speaker 7: the entire apartment after packing up all my things, I

1178
00:52:28,239 --> 00:52:30,640
Speaker 7: left my keys in the mailbox for the leasing office

1179
00:52:30,640 --> 00:52:33,960
Speaker 7: and email them about my departure, including the videos. Showing

1180
00:52:33,960 --> 00:52:36,040
Speaker 7: what the apartment looked like before I locked up. I

1181
00:52:36,120 --> 00:52:39,360
Speaker 7: updated my address with UBS, the vet hospital, school work,

1182
00:52:39,800 --> 00:52:42,960
Speaker 7: and my dog's microchip. My god, this this, this, this

1183
00:52:43,000 --> 00:52:44,560
Speaker 7: woman needs a run for president.

1184
00:52:44,640 --> 00:52:46,600
Speaker 2: Guys. Oh my god.

1185
00:52:47,120 --> 00:52:49,160
Speaker 7: I talked to hr in the start of the process

1186
00:52:49,200 --> 00:52:51,799
Speaker 7: of getting him off my health insurance, changing the beneficiary

1187
00:52:51,840 --> 00:52:54,680
Speaker 7: of my life insurance to my parents. If only I

1188
00:52:54,680 --> 00:52:59,440
Speaker 7: could name my dog, and updating my emergency contact. I'm

1189
00:52:59,440 --> 00:53:01,279
Speaker 7: going to the bank to take myself off of the

1190
00:53:01,360 --> 00:53:05,719
Speaker 7: joint bank. Fortunately, I'm not worried about my credit since

1191
00:53:05,719 --> 00:53:07,640
Speaker 7: all of our finances were separate, but I'm grateful to

1192
00:53:07,680 --> 00:53:09,840
Speaker 7: those who told me to freeze my credit. I logged

1193
00:53:09,840 --> 00:53:12,040
Speaker 7: out of all the devices for every streaming service, social

1194
00:53:12,040 --> 00:53:14,920
Speaker 7: media platform, and my work, personal and school email accounts.

1195
00:53:15,120 --> 00:53:17,279
Speaker 7: I blocked him on all social media chat rooms and

1196
00:53:17,320 --> 00:53:21,600
Speaker 7: his phone number. I made a doctor's appointment to get tested.

1197
00:53:22,239 --> 00:53:24,360
Speaker 7: I'm on my way to the county office to terminate

1198
00:53:24,400 --> 00:53:25,440
Speaker 7: our domestic partnership.

1199
00:53:25,440 --> 00:53:25,640
Speaker 1: Now.

1200
00:53:26,000 --> 00:53:29,080
Speaker 7: It's been an incredibly busy eighteen hours, but I've had

1201
00:53:29,120 --> 00:53:31,319
Speaker 7: a lot of help from my friends. I haven't been

1202
00:53:31,320 --> 00:53:33,480
Speaker 7: able to sleep either. As far as what happened since

1203
00:53:33,520 --> 00:53:36,000
Speaker 7: he arrived. Here's what's up. I already blocked him before

1204
00:53:36,040 --> 00:53:38,480
Speaker 7: he landed. I received many texting calls from his parents

1205
00:53:38,480 --> 00:53:40,880
Speaker 7: and sister that I did not see. Then, when I

1206
00:53:40,920 --> 00:53:43,360
Speaker 7: noticed his sister calling, I picked up. At first, a

1207
00:53:43,440 --> 00:53:46,200
Speaker 7: call was hostile. She accused me of being some crazy

1208
00:53:46,200 --> 00:53:49,160
Speaker 7: ex girlfriend that couldn't let her brother go. Funny since

1209
00:53:49,200 --> 00:53:52,120
Speaker 7: I just packed up and left. She brought up that

1210
00:53:52,200 --> 00:53:54,120
Speaker 7: it had been four months quote unquote, and then I

1211
00:53:54,160 --> 00:53:56,520
Speaker 7: needed to move on. I told her that X had

1212
00:53:56,560 --> 00:53:58,799
Speaker 7: never approached me about breaking up, and that one month

1213
00:53:58,800 --> 00:54:02,080
Speaker 7: ago we celebrated our anniversary and we had started.

1214
00:54:01,880 --> 00:54:02,560
Speaker 6: To plan our wedding.

1215
00:54:02,680 --> 00:54:04,520
Speaker 7: I had no indication that he wanted to break up.

1216
00:54:04,719 --> 00:54:07,080
Speaker 7: We reset a bit and she allowed me to tell

1217
00:54:07,080 --> 00:54:09,040
Speaker 7: her my side of the story. I told her he

1218
00:54:09,120 --> 00:54:11,680
Speaker 7: was somewhat distant this year, but he had it blamed

1219
00:54:11,680 --> 00:54:13,759
Speaker 7: on their grandparents being old and wanting to spend more

1220
00:54:13,760 --> 00:54:16,400
Speaker 7: time with them before they passed away. Turns out their

1221
00:54:16,440 --> 00:54:20,680
Speaker 7: grandparents passed away over two years ago. I never met

1222
00:54:20,680 --> 00:54:23,040
Speaker 7: them because my ex claimed they won't like me since

1223
00:54:23,080 --> 00:54:26,000
Speaker 7: my grandpa was in the Vietnam War and I'm Southeast Asian,

1224
00:54:26,200 --> 00:54:28,080
Speaker 7: So it turns out you can't not like me.

1225
00:54:28,239 --> 00:54:29,320
Speaker 2: When you're passed away.

1226
00:54:29,920 --> 00:54:31,560
Speaker 7: We ended the call on a positive note, with his

1227
00:54:31,640 --> 00:54:33,160
Speaker 7: sister saying that it was a lot to take in.

1228
00:54:33,360 --> 00:54:35,640
Speaker 7: She said she felt bad as the girl that he

1229
00:54:35,680 --> 00:54:37,760
Speaker 7: was cheating on me with one of her friends.

1230
00:54:37,840 --> 00:54:38,359
Speaker 6: Oh my god.

1231
00:54:38,800 --> 00:54:41,480
Speaker 7: She had introduced them to each other sometime last year

1232
00:54:41,520 --> 00:54:44,799
Speaker 7: when my ex was apparently unhappy with our relationship. They

1233
00:54:44,880 --> 00:54:46,440
Speaker 7: hit it off and he was supposed to break it

1234
00:54:46,480 --> 00:54:49,360
Speaker 7: off with me. I guess he never had the kahuness

1235
00:54:49,400 --> 00:54:52,239
Speaker 7: to do so. She was also confused as to why

1236
00:54:52,280 --> 00:54:54,520
Speaker 7: he was on Tinder, as he was in a relationship

1237
00:54:54,560 --> 00:54:55,320
Speaker 7: with her friend.

1238
00:54:57,560 --> 00:54:59,080
Speaker 2: A lot of things not adding up.

1239
00:54:59,400 --> 00:55:02,359
Speaker 7: Come on, I sent her all the tender receipts after

1240
00:55:02,400 --> 00:55:05,200
Speaker 7: hanging up. Later that night, I received an email from

1241
00:55:05,320 --> 00:55:08,640
Speaker 7: v X to sum it up. Yes, he asked me

1242
00:55:08,719 --> 00:55:10,680
Speaker 7: to come to the apartment to talk it out. No,

1243
00:55:11,040 --> 00:55:14,160
Speaker 7: he did not apologize for anything. He ended the email with.

1244
00:55:14,640 --> 00:55:15,160
Speaker 2: I love you.

1245
00:55:15,520 --> 00:55:18,120
Speaker 3: That's funny. That's funny. I love you.

1246
00:55:18,840 --> 00:55:19,239
Speaker 6: That's it.

1247
00:55:19,239 --> 00:55:21,200
Speaker 3: It's where we're finding hilarious.

1248
00:55:21,280 --> 00:55:21,720
Speaker 2: I fixed.

1249
00:55:21,719 --> 00:55:24,759
Speaker 7: As far as I know, he does not know where

1250
00:55:24,800 --> 00:55:26,560
Speaker 7: I am. I also don't believe that he knows where

1251
00:55:26,560 --> 00:55:28,400
Speaker 7: my friend lives, as she just moved and he hasn't

1252
00:55:28,400 --> 00:55:30,480
Speaker 7: been here yet. He also doesn't seem like a type

1253
00:55:30,520 --> 00:55:32,799
Speaker 7: of person, but I guess I really didn't know him

1254
00:55:32,840 --> 00:55:33,319
Speaker 7: after all.

1255
00:55:33,920 --> 00:55:36,759
Speaker 2: Uh, we'll keep locks ready and bats near the door.

1256
00:55:37,120 --> 00:55:39,800
Speaker 7: It's been so helpful just writing out everything that's happened

1257
00:55:39,800 --> 00:55:42,719
Speaker 7: so far, but all the evidence, support and guidance in

1258
00:55:42,760 --> 00:55:45,760
Speaker 7: the situation has made me feel empowered to leave. At times,

1259
00:55:45,760 --> 00:55:48,120
Speaker 7: I just wanted to stop packing and hope that he

1260
00:55:48,600 --> 00:55:50,560
Speaker 7: that when he came home everything would go back to

1261
00:55:50,600 --> 00:55:53,200
Speaker 7: normal and the text would just be a distant memory.

1262
00:55:53,640 --> 00:55:53,799
Speaker 3: Edit.

1263
00:55:54,040 --> 00:55:56,239
Speaker 7: Sorry, I was unclear about the timeline. The parents and

1264
00:55:56,239 --> 00:55:57,760
Speaker 7: the sister called me about two.

1265
00:55:57,520 --> 00:55:59,840
Speaker 2: Hours after he landed. I assumed that was because he

1266
00:55:59,840 --> 00:56:00,279
Speaker 2: got at.

1267
00:56:00,200 --> 00:56:02,839
Speaker 7: Home, realized the person paying half of his rent will

1268
00:56:02,840 --> 00:56:05,280
Speaker 7: no longer be doing so, and reached out to his family.

1269
00:56:05,520 --> 00:56:09,200
Speaker 7: The dog poop may have contributed to the heightened emotions,

1270
00:56:09,280 --> 00:56:09,600
Speaker 7: and that's the.

1271
00:56:09,640 --> 00:56:11,480
Speaker 3: End of the wa Wow, what a tale, What a

1272
00:56:11,600 --> 00:56:13,400
Speaker 3: tte a toad tale.

1273
00:56:13,200 --> 00:56:13,920
Speaker 2: Freaking tale?

1274
00:56:14,800 --> 00:56:17,240
Speaker 1: Sam here, ogi host. We're gonna get back to these stories.

1275
00:56:17,239 --> 00:56:19,240
Speaker 1: But here's three minutes fads from our sponsors.

1276
00:56:19,239 --> 00:56:23,319
Speaker 3: First, my daughter's boyfriend encouraged her to gain weight, then

1277
00:56:23,400 --> 00:56:27,080
Speaker 3: left her ew and trigger warning for eating disorders. I

1278
00:56:27,120 --> 00:56:29,480
Speaker 3: want to begin by saying I adore my daughter and

1279
00:56:29,560 --> 00:56:32,160
Speaker 3: her size is not my concern, more so her health.

1280
00:56:32,239 --> 00:56:34,239
Speaker 3: She was so full of potential and that's why this

1281
00:56:34,280 --> 00:56:37,279
Speaker 3: whole situation is depressing me. By the way, this comes

1282
00:56:37,280 --> 00:56:39,440
Speaker 3: from deleted and if you want to submit your own stories,

1283
00:56:39,480 --> 00:56:42,160
Speaker 3: go to the r slash Okay storytime separate it. I'm Sophia,

1284
00:56:42,480 --> 00:56:45,200
Speaker 3: I'm Carly, I'm Keon, and we're here to give good

1285
00:56:45,239 --> 00:56:47,239
Speaker 3: advice Goofily, but we don't have all the answers. We

1286
00:56:47,320 --> 00:56:48,960
Speaker 3: only know what we do, so let us know what

1287
00:56:49,000 --> 00:56:50,680
Speaker 3: you would do in the comments. I have been in

1288
00:56:50,719 --> 00:56:53,680
Speaker 3: therapy for years and I'm trying to encourage my daughter

1289
00:56:53,760 --> 00:56:55,919
Speaker 3: to go back as well. She is currently twenty four

1290
00:56:56,000 --> 00:56:58,960
Speaker 3: and five hundred four pounds five four. She ran chubby

1291
00:56:59,000 --> 00:57:01,080
Speaker 3: her whole life and just fight my best efforts to

1292
00:57:01,080 --> 00:57:03,840
Speaker 3: put her on a diet and enforce activity. She's always

1293
00:57:03,880 --> 00:57:05,640
Speaker 3: had a problem with food. We spent a lot of

1294
00:57:05,680 --> 00:57:08,359
Speaker 3: times at doctor's clinics and therapists to work on her

1295
00:57:08,360 --> 00:57:11,120
Speaker 3: weight issue, but she just had a very big appetite.

1296
00:57:11,160 --> 00:57:12,839
Speaker 3: When she was in high school, she was around one

1297
00:57:12,920 --> 00:57:15,120
Speaker 3: sixty five and we got her down to one fifty

1298
00:57:15,120 --> 00:57:17,720
Speaker 3: five for her graduation. When she returned from college, it

1299
00:57:17,760 --> 00:57:19,480
Speaker 3: was obvious to me and my husband that she had

1300
00:57:19,520 --> 00:57:22,120
Speaker 3: put on a significant amount of weight. We went on

1301
00:57:22,160 --> 00:57:25,200
Speaker 3: a family vacation over her winter break that involved a

1302
00:57:25,200 --> 00:57:28,040
Speaker 3: lot of hiking, and she struggled to keep up. She

1303
00:57:28,080 --> 00:57:29,960
Speaker 3: was eating a lot more than normal, so I had

1304
00:57:29,960 --> 00:57:33,680
Speaker 3: a conversation about healthy eating and weight management, as young

1305
00:57:33,720 --> 00:57:36,840
Speaker 3: women in college face unique challenges. This didn't work, and

1306
00:57:36,920 --> 00:57:39,080
Speaker 3: she came back even bigger for the summer. When I

1307
00:57:39,160 --> 00:57:41,240
Speaker 3: went with her to the doctor, I found out she

1308
00:57:41,320 --> 00:57:44,280
Speaker 3: was two hundred and fifty pounds. One hundred pounds in

1309
00:57:44,360 --> 00:57:47,160
Speaker 3: less than a year was super concerning, and I was

1310
00:57:47,240 --> 00:57:50,080
Speaker 3: terrified that somebody might have hurt her and she was

1311
00:57:50,200 --> 00:57:52,920
Speaker 3: using food as a coping mechanism. I dug through her

1312
00:57:53,000 --> 00:57:56,480
Speaker 3: room looking for signs of anything unwise and invasive, I know,

1313
00:57:56,640 --> 00:57:59,240
Speaker 3: but it came out of genuine concern. What I found

1314
00:57:59,320 --> 00:58:02,080
Speaker 3: instead were messages to a boy who was encouraging her

1315
00:58:02,120 --> 00:58:05,000
Speaker 3: to get fat, sending her money for food and more.

1316
00:58:05,080 --> 00:58:07,200
Speaker 3: I saw a message from her saying she wanted to

1317
00:58:07,240 --> 00:58:10,680
Speaker 3: be immobile by the time she graduated college, and that

1318
00:58:10,880 --> 00:58:13,960
Speaker 3: shocked me. I confronted her right away and showed the

1319
00:58:14,000 --> 00:58:16,720
Speaker 3: message to her. I explained simply that I loved her

1320
00:58:16,800 --> 00:58:19,840
Speaker 3: and found her beautiful, but her lifestyle would unlive her

1321
00:58:20,160 --> 00:58:21,840
Speaker 3: and I would no longer be willing to pay for

1322
00:58:21,840 --> 00:58:24,600
Speaker 3: her education if she continued to gain weight. I took

1323
00:58:24,640 --> 00:58:26,520
Speaker 3: her to the doctor over the summer and he was

1324
00:58:26,720 --> 00:58:29,480
Speaker 3: very direct with her. She lost maybe ten pounds because

1325
00:58:29,480 --> 00:58:32,280
Speaker 3: I enforced exercise and locked up food at night. There

1326
00:58:32,280 --> 00:58:35,360
Speaker 3: were multiple mornings where she'd eaten entire loaves of bread,

1327
00:58:35,520 --> 00:58:39,000
Speaker 3: pounds of pasta, multiple bags of chips, and leaders of soda.

1328
00:58:39,160 --> 00:58:41,920
Speaker 3: I wasted so much money on food. Locking it up

1329
00:58:42,000 --> 00:58:44,880
Speaker 3: only somewhat helped and was only done as a last

1330
00:58:44,920 --> 00:58:47,400
Speaker 3: resort to gain weight again after going back to school,

1331
00:58:47,440 --> 00:58:50,160
Speaker 3: and this became a cycle. Honestly, at this point, I

1332
00:58:50,200 --> 00:58:53,320
Speaker 3: feel like she can't definitely can't go to that school. Yeah,

1333
00:58:53,320 --> 00:58:55,760
Speaker 3: if that's where the guy is, but I feel like

1334
00:58:55,760 --> 00:58:59,120
Speaker 3: like needs to go into treatment. I feel like this

1335
00:58:59,280 --> 00:59:01,600
Speaker 3: is kind of being Yeah, if this is her relationship

1336
00:59:01,640 --> 00:59:03,640
Speaker 3: with food, she would gain weight at school and come

1337
00:59:03,640 --> 00:59:05,840
Speaker 3: back and I would help her lose about ten pounds,

1338
00:59:05,840 --> 00:59:08,040
Speaker 3: then she'd get bigger again. She was three hundred and

1339
00:59:08,080 --> 00:59:10,720
Speaker 3: fifty pounds out of college graduation and had to start

1340
00:59:10,840 --> 00:59:13,480
Speaker 3: using a scooter to get around campus, which saddened me.

1341
00:59:13,640 --> 00:59:15,960
Speaker 3: She moved in for a few months after graduation, and

1342
00:59:16,040 --> 00:59:18,640
Speaker 3: our relationship kind of took a turn for the worse.

1343
00:59:18,840 --> 00:59:21,280
Speaker 3: We would fight a lot about her weights. I'd want

1344
00:59:21,320 --> 00:59:24,000
Speaker 3: her to come for workouts with me. I'd encourage her

1345
00:59:24,000 --> 00:59:26,200
Speaker 3: to eat more veggies, and she'd get defensive.

1346
00:59:26,560 --> 00:59:29,880
Speaker 5: Yeah, because I feel like she's gonna keep getting defensive. Yeah,

1347
00:59:29,920 --> 00:59:31,960
Speaker 5: just mom saying it over and over again. But if

1348
00:59:32,000 --> 00:59:34,120
Speaker 5: we do a program, she can learn just like better

1349
00:59:34,160 --> 00:59:37,240
Speaker 5: eating habits with food and not have like people telling.

1350
00:59:36,920 --> 00:59:38,400
Speaker 3: Her what to do. Yeah.

1351
00:59:38,440 --> 00:59:41,720
Speaker 5: And also maybe some therapy for you, Opie, just to help.

1352
00:59:41,880 --> 00:59:44,760
Speaker 3: Absolutely. Still, we would also have good days where I'd

1353
00:59:44,760 --> 00:59:46,480
Speaker 3: pinch her roles like I did when she was a

1354
00:59:46,480 --> 00:59:49,600
Speaker 3: baby and she'd laugh. Unfortunately, the boys she was messaging

1355
00:59:49,720 --> 00:59:52,640
Speaker 3: ended up becoming a secret boyfriend that she moved in with.

1356
00:59:52,840 --> 00:59:55,120
Speaker 3: After a few months, she gained a lot of weight

1357
00:59:55,160 --> 00:59:57,320
Speaker 3: and we rarely saw each other. When I did, I

1358
00:59:57,400 --> 01:00:00,280
Speaker 3: felt troubled. All her beautiful features were hidden and she

1359
01:00:00,280 --> 01:00:02,960
Speaker 3: could barely move without help from her boyfriend. I told

1360
01:00:03,040 --> 01:00:05,480
Speaker 3: him he was no longer welcome in my house. After

1361
01:00:05,520 --> 01:00:08,400
Speaker 3: seeing how he supported her eating habits at a family dinner,

1362
01:00:08,440 --> 01:00:11,360
Speaker 3: pouring butter on her veggies, giving her more helpings, pouring

1363
01:00:11,400 --> 01:00:14,919
Speaker 3: her glasses of high calorie soda and giving her adult soda.

1364
01:00:15,080 --> 01:00:17,760
Speaker 3: She ate enough to make herself sick, and he encouraged

1365
01:00:17,800 --> 01:00:20,680
Speaker 3: her to eat more. It's all so wrong and horrible.

1366
01:00:20,800 --> 01:00:23,160
Speaker 3: I knew he was manipulating her and told her that

1367
01:00:23,200 --> 01:00:25,440
Speaker 3: her health was in danger and that he would leave

1368
01:00:25,440 --> 01:00:27,280
Speaker 3: the second she became a burden to him if you

1369
01:00:27,280 --> 01:00:29,840
Speaker 3: didn't listen, called me me names and we went no

1370
01:00:29,920 --> 01:00:32,480
Speaker 3: contact for a year. Well, I mean, like, this is

1371
01:00:32,600 --> 01:00:35,760
Speaker 3: really terrifying because there are so many like even if

1372
01:00:35,840 --> 01:00:39,840
Speaker 3: she loses this weight, could have diabetes, Yeah, heart you know,

1373
01:00:40,640 --> 01:00:44,800
Speaker 3: definitely heart problem, heart problems, heart attack. Yeah, there's a

1374
01:00:44,840 --> 01:00:47,800
Speaker 3: lot of Yeah, this is scary. Well, my biggest fears

1375
01:00:47,840 --> 01:00:50,480
Speaker 3: came true last May. I got a call. My twenty

1376
01:00:50,520 --> 01:00:52,480
Speaker 3: four year old daughter had a heart attack and her

1377
01:00:52,520 --> 01:00:54,600
Speaker 3: boyfriend left her. He sent her attacks when she was

1378
01:00:54,640 --> 01:00:56,840
Speaker 3: in the ambulance that said he couldn't take care of her,

1379
01:00:57,200 --> 01:00:59,480
Speaker 3: and she scared him. Now I cannot tell you all

1380
01:00:59,520 --> 01:01:02,040
Speaker 3: how much I detest this man. This was exactly what

1381
01:01:02,080 --> 01:01:04,520
Speaker 3: I thought would happen. My daughter is over five hundred

1382
01:01:04,560 --> 01:01:07,400
Speaker 3: pounds at only five four. She needs special chairs and

1383
01:01:07,480 --> 01:01:09,960
Speaker 3: is wheelchair bound. I have to help bathe and care

1384
01:01:10,040 --> 01:01:12,560
Speaker 3: for her because she cannot reach. She's never had a

1385
01:01:12,640 --> 01:01:15,720
Speaker 3: job and as no money or prospects. All she does

1386
01:01:15,800 --> 01:01:18,280
Speaker 3: is cry about her ex even when I cook healthy

1387
01:01:18,320 --> 01:01:20,520
Speaker 3: meals for I have her on diets and she can't

1388
01:01:20,520 --> 01:01:22,320
Speaker 3: go to the store and doesn't have money for delivery.

1389
01:01:22,400 --> 01:01:24,360
Speaker 3: I keep all the food locked up and feed her

1390
01:01:24,400 --> 01:01:27,520
Speaker 3: controlled portions. She will get second and third helpings. He

1391
01:01:27,600 --> 01:01:29,760
Speaker 3: learns where I hide food and sneak some in the

1392
01:01:29,800 --> 01:01:31,200
Speaker 3: middle of the night. She had to call me in

1393
01:01:31,200 --> 01:01:32,760
Speaker 3: the middle of the night because she couldn't make it

1394
01:01:32,800 --> 01:01:34,720
Speaker 3: back to her bed after finding where I had been

1395
01:01:34,800 --> 01:01:36,600
Speaker 3: hiding the milk. I had to call my neighbor to

1396
01:01:36,640 --> 01:01:38,160
Speaker 3: help her get back into her bed.

1397
01:01:38,440 --> 01:01:41,360
Speaker 5: Yes, yeah, I am on team. Let's find a good

1398
01:01:41,880 --> 01:01:44,400
Speaker 5: health program. I just don't think sort of help.

1399
01:01:44,560 --> 01:01:44,800
Speaker 2: Yeah.

1400
01:01:44,840 --> 01:01:46,960
Speaker 3: I don't think that OPE can do this alone.

1401
01:01:47,040 --> 01:01:48,840
Speaker 5: Yeah, and like you said, you have to re establish

1402
01:01:49,120 --> 01:01:52,280
Speaker 5: your relationship with food or else it's never going to stop.

1403
01:01:52,400 --> 01:01:55,320
Speaker 3: Yeah. I've been spending the last few days reading other parents'

1404
01:01:55,320 --> 01:01:58,400
Speaker 3: experiences with Obe's children and have found it comforting. I'm

1405
01:01:58,400 --> 01:02:00,400
Speaker 3: not sure how this will be received, but on the

1406
01:02:00,440 --> 01:02:03,360
Speaker 3: off chance that somebody is going through a similar situation,

1407
01:02:03,520 --> 01:02:05,920
Speaker 3: I feel compelled to share it. I am unsure of

1408
01:02:05,920 --> 01:02:07,760
Speaker 3: what is in the best interest of my daughter and

1409
01:02:07,840 --> 01:02:10,560
Speaker 3: am open to any advice or questions. If any young

1410
01:02:10,560 --> 01:02:14,120
Speaker 3: women find themselves in a similar relationship, please leave. You

1411
01:02:14,200 --> 01:02:16,160
Speaker 3: never love my daughter. You saw her as an object

1412
01:02:16,240 --> 01:02:18,800
Speaker 3: to manipulate, and she is now suffering. If she doesn't

1413
01:02:18,840 --> 01:02:21,760
Speaker 3: lose weight, her health will continue to decline, and I

1414
01:02:21,800 --> 01:02:25,200
Speaker 3: feel helpless and hopeless. I love my daughter dearly, and

1415
01:02:25,240 --> 01:02:27,680
Speaker 3: I feel like I have lost her to something deeply harmful.

1416
01:02:28,080 --> 01:02:31,400
Speaker 5: I think, first, Opie, first find a program that can

1417
01:02:31,480 --> 01:02:33,920
Speaker 5: help her. But also I specifically think that you need

1418
01:02:33,960 --> 01:02:36,360
Speaker 5: therapy to learn how to deal with someone that you

1419
01:02:36,400 --> 01:02:39,160
Speaker 5: were watching harm themselves in a way that you're like

1420
01:02:39,320 --> 01:02:42,040
Speaker 5: don't have experience with, because I think going to Reddit

1421
01:02:42,200 --> 01:02:44,960
Speaker 5: might not be your best choice here. This is like

1422
01:02:45,240 --> 01:02:47,640
Speaker 5: a really big thing, and I don't think that hiding

1423
01:02:47,720 --> 01:02:50,600
Speaker 5: food and locking food away from someone is the answer

1424
01:02:50,640 --> 01:02:53,560
Speaker 5: that's gonna make someone feel really guilty. I understand like

1425
01:02:53,720 --> 01:02:56,520
Speaker 5: cooking her healthy meals and like trying to get her

1426
01:02:56,600 --> 01:02:58,360
Speaker 5: to move a little bit more. But the way that

1427
01:02:58,400 --> 01:03:01,040
Speaker 5: you're going about it, I am a worried.

1428
01:03:01,160 --> 01:03:03,760
Speaker 3: Comment one says, don't let this man back into her life.

1429
01:03:03,800 --> 01:03:06,720
Speaker 3: If he comes back, call Adult Protective Services because now

1430
01:03:06,760 --> 01:03:09,080
Speaker 3: that she is disabled, she is a vulnerable adult and

1431
01:03:09,120 --> 01:03:11,800
Speaker 3: they can help look into this, further, connect you to resources,

1432
01:03:11,800 --> 01:03:14,720
Speaker 3: et cetera. Opie says, he's not coming back into her life.

1433
01:03:14,760 --> 01:03:17,479
Speaker 3: I promise I'll go to jail to keep him away

1434
01:03:17,480 --> 01:03:19,560
Speaker 3: from her. There's nothing I won't do to keep him

1435
01:03:19,560 --> 01:03:21,600
Speaker 3: from her. Comment who says, I swear I read a

1436
01:03:21,600 --> 01:03:23,640
Speaker 3: post the other day written by a mom whose daughter

1437
01:03:23,680 --> 01:03:26,240
Speaker 3: went to college and came back heavier and heavier. She

1438
01:03:26,280 --> 01:03:28,800
Speaker 3: went through a browsing history or used her laptop and

1439
01:03:28,840 --> 01:03:30,920
Speaker 3: it was left up something like it, but ended up

1440
01:03:30,960 --> 01:03:33,720
Speaker 3: finding that her daughter was actively trying to gain weight

1441
01:03:34,160 --> 01:03:36,560
Speaker 3: and was on a weight gain journey blog mission. It

1442
01:03:36,640 --> 01:03:39,480
Speaker 3: sounds really similar to this, However, she approached the topic

1443
01:03:39,520 --> 01:03:41,919
Speaker 3: of weight and health in a kind and supportive way,

1444
01:03:42,280 --> 01:03:46,080
Speaker 3: without bullying or locking up food. You can't control other people,

1445
01:03:46,200 --> 01:03:48,200
Speaker 3: and the more you try, the more they resist. If

1446
01:03:48,200 --> 01:03:49,800
Speaker 3: you want her to come to you for help, then

1447
01:03:49,840 --> 01:03:52,680
Speaker 3: be helpful, Opie says, these comments have very much made

1448
01:03:52,720 --> 01:03:55,600
Speaker 3: me reflect on my approach around her weight issue, especially

1449
01:03:55,680 --> 01:03:58,520
Speaker 3: in her childhood. Thank you, and yes I will apologize

1450
01:03:58,520 --> 01:04:00,440
Speaker 3: to my daughter. Do you have any final things?

1451
01:04:00,640 --> 01:04:03,080
Speaker 5: I think I've said everything that I.

1452
01:04:03,000 --> 01:04:03,800
Speaker 3: Needed to say.

1453
01:04:05,120 --> 01:04:07,400
Speaker 6: I was going to say. Rome wasn't built in the day,

1454
01:04:07,440 --> 01:04:09,040
Speaker 6: and this is going to take a lot of process

1455
01:04:09,040 --> 01:04:11,280
Speaker 6: and a lot of time. But as long as you're there,

1456
01:04:11,560 --> 01:04:15,000
Speaker 6: you definitely need help op for your daughter as well. Yeah,

1457
01:04:15,480 --> 01:04:17,240
Speaker 6: it's okay to ask for help. And I mean you've

1458
01:04:17,240 --> 01:04:19,600
Speaker 6: gotten to Reddit for it, but it's okay to ask

1459
01:04:19,640 --> 01:04:21,440
Speaker 6: for help. Don't think it's like a burden or anything

1460
01:04:21,480 --> 01:04:21,760
Speaker 6: like that.

1461
01:04:21,840 --> 01:04:24,240
Speaker 5: And if she's also had a heart attack already, yeah,

1462
01:04:24,280 --> 01:04:26,880
Speaker 5: like you need to be even more cautious with how

1463
01:04:27,120 --> 01:04:29,840
Speaker 5: your weight is fluctuating and how much strain and stress

1464
01:04:29,880 --> 01:04:32,880
Speaker 5: you're putting on working out with a heart that's weak.

1465
01:04:33,080 --> 01:04:34,400
Speaker 3: Absolutely. Absolutely.

1466
01:04:34,520 --> 01:04:37,000
Speaker 6: I think going to a professional or reaching out to

1467
01:04:37,000 --> 01:04:39,880
Speaker 6: someone who's a professional who deals with this would be

1468
01:04:40,000 --> 01:04:40,800
Speaker 6: very beneficial.

1469
01:04:40,880 --> 01:04:43,240
Speaker 3: But there is an update. I now understand I have

1470
01:04:43,360 --> 01:04:46,600
Speaker 3: contributed a lot more to her struggles than I initially thought.

1471
01:04:46,760 --> 01:04:49,200
Speaker 3: Needless to say, I am full of regret, but very

1472
01:04:49,200 --> 01:04:51,920
Speaker 3: thankful for the people who inform me how detrimental my

1473
01:04:51,960 --> 01:04:54,920
Speaker 3: behavior has been to her. I sincerely apologize and will

1474
01:04:55,040 --> 01:04:57,720
Speaker 3: to her as well. I feel wholly responsible for her

1475
01:04:57,760 --> 01:05:00,400
Speaker 3: heart attack and struggles, and we'll do what whatever I

1476
01:05:00,400 --> 01:05:03,120
Speaker 3: can moving forward to be supportive and loving to my daughter,

1477
01:05:03,240 --> 01:05:05,840
Speaker 3: regardless of her weight and how much time she has left.

1478
01:05:05,920 --> 01:05:08,520
Speaker 3: Her father chose not to help her after her heart attack.

1479
01:05:08,920 --> 01:05:10,720
Speaker 3: We have two homes, and I live in one with

1480
01:05:10,760 --> 01:05:12,760
Speaker 3: my daughter, and he lives in the other with our

1481
01:05:12,800 --> 01:05:15,400
Speaker 3: younger kids. I don't see my younger kids as often

1482
01:05:15,400 --> 01:05:17,760
Speaker 3: as i'd like to due to her caregiving needs. I

1483
01:05:17,800 --> 01:05:20,480
Speaker 3: don't work anymore. I don't see friends or have hobbies.

1484
01:05:20,640 --> 01:05:22,840
Speaker 3: I know this is very selfish of me to complain about,

1485
01:05:22,880 --> 01:05:25,560
Speaker 3: since I am the one responsible, but I am exhausted

1486
01:05:25,680 --> 01:05:28,720
Speaker 3: from my entire life being centered on her care needs.

1487
01:05:29,120 --> 01:05:31,400
Speaker 3: I want her to be independent. I don't care if

1488
01:05:31,400 --> 01:05:34,240
Speaker 3: she's ninety or one ninety. I just want her to

1489
01:05:34,240 --> 01:05:40,480
Speaker 3: be healthy and happy. I mean, she's five before, she's

1490
01:05:40,480 --> 01:05:41,439
Speaker 3: five before right now.

1491
01:05:41,400 --> 01:05:44,439
Speaker 5: And you should love her and she can still be

1492
01:05:44,480 --> 01:05:45,280
Speaker 5: happy and healthy.

1493
01:05:45,280 --> 01:05:47,720
Speaker 3: Well, yeah, well she's getting healthy. Yeah. To be clear,

1494
01:05:47,800 --> 01:05:49,680
Speaker 3: this is like right now, it is right now.

1495
01:05:49,720 --> 01:05:52,160
Speaker 5: We're at an extreme point that needs help, but she

1496
01:05:52,320 --> 01:05:55,240
Speaker 5: was probably happy and pretty healthy at one six.

1497
01:05:55,720 --> 01:05:58,320
Speaker 3: Yeah. I think mobility is at the end of the day,

1498
01:05:58,360 --> 01:05:59,160
Speaker 3: that is the ability.

1499
01:05:59,240 --> 01:06:01,760
Speaker 5: It's very import needing help to get back into bed

1500
01:06:01,800 --> 01:06:03,720
Speaker 5: if you if you like, you need to be able

1501
01:06:03,760 --> 01:06:06,640
Speaker 5: to if you have the ability to do that.

1502
01:06:07,320 --> 01:06:10,280
Speaker 3: Yeah. And I think that people put bill equate weight

1503
01:06:10,440 --> 01:06:11,200
Speaker 3: and health.

1504
01:06:11,160 --> 01:06:14,000
Speaker 5: So much, so much, which is not you know, some

1505
01:06:14,120 --> 01:06:15,960
Speaker 5: of the times it's genetic if you can lose weight

1506
01:06:16,080 --> 01:06:16,240
Speaker 5: or not.

1507
01:06:16,560 --> 01:06:19,440
Speaker 3: So it's like people carry weight very differently and differently.

1508
01:06:19,520 --> 01:06:21,520
Speaker 3: And as long as I think you are mobile, everybody

1509
01:06:21,520 --> 01:06:24,840
Speaker 3: get their hearts checked. Yeah, yeah, heart health is and

1510
01:06:24,880 --> 01:06:25,920
Speaker 3: that's the end of this story.