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Speaker 1: I am a yamla, your host, your guide, a teacher

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Speaker 1: for some, and a soft place to fall for others.

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Speaker 1: And I was a miserable failure in my relationships until

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Speaker 1: I love myself enough to be able to share my

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Speaker 1: love with other people. Welcome to the R Spot, a

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Speaker 1: production of shandaland Audio in partnership with iHeartRadio. Welcome, Welcome, Welcome,

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Speaker 1: Welcome to the R Spot. I am your facilitator, your host,

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Speaker 1: your partner on the journey. As we hear on the

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Speaker 1: R Spot, look at and explore, investigate, examine all of

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Speaker 1: those things that make relationships better, and we look at

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Speaker 1: some of the hard questions, some of the hard things.

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Speaker 1: Now got a hot topic today because most of my

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Speaker 1: guests and most of the questions that I received come

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Speaker 1: from women. But today we want to talk about men.

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Speaker 1: We just want to talk about what a good man wants,

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Speaker 1: you know, So today we want to know what is

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Speaker 1: it that a good man wants? All right, don't you

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Speaker 1: want to know that, ladies? But so very often as women,

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Speaker 1: we want to tell a man what he wants or

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Speaker 1: what he should want. We want to tell him what

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Speaker 1: we got and want him to accept it. But today

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Speaker 1: my guest is going to help us here and receive

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Speaker 1: and understand what a good man wants from a man's perspective.

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Speaker 2: How about that?

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Speaker 1: Okay? My guest today is Coach Ken Canyon. He's a

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Speaker 1: transformative coach. That means he's changing relationships just like we

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Speaker 1: do here on the R Spot. He has a very

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Speaker 1: distinct approach that he calls the Kanyan Culture methodology, and

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Speaker 1: it's about reinventing how our relationships function and fostering an

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Speaker 1: environment of empathy and mutual respect. Huge, huge in today's world.

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Speaker 1: So my guest today by offering the world the Kanyan

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Speaker 1: culture and creating relationships that last by employing what he

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Speaker 1: calls the Kanyan Culture methodology, this is a man who's

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Speaker 1: giving us some insight that we can use to grow, heal,

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Speaker 1: and expand our relationships.

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Speaker 3: The author of eight books, eight books, and he's a

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Speaker 3: relationship coach on the MTV show Unfaithful, Caught in the Act,

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Speaker 3: Caught in the Act.

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Speaker 1: He's also the creator and founder of the Relationship Academy

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Speaker 1: and the creator and founder of the Pocket Communication. Yeah

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Speaker 1: for coaches. So, Coach Ken, thank you for joining me today. Boy,

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Speaker 1: this is gonna be exciting. But let's talk about what

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Speaker 1: a good man wants. Let's start here. What is a

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Speaker 1: good man? How are you defining a good man?

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Speaker 4: Well, first off, let me just say thank you. I mean,

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Speaker 4: I have been watching you for many years and I

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Speaker 4: want to say thank you. I must be doing something

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Speaker 4: right to be here in your presence. I appreciate you.

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Speaker 4: So let's get started. Like you said, first of all,

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Speaker 4: Trigger Warner, there are going to be some people who

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Speaker 4: will not accept what I'm about to say. So let

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Speaker 4: me start out by saying good is a relative term

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Speaker 4: that defined by different people different ways.

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Speaker 2: Now, what I want to do is take a collective approach.

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Speaker 2: And I've coached.

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Speaker 4: Thousands of women and thousands of men, and so I

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Speaker 4: want to use a consensus, my consensus of what I

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Speaker 4: believe and based on the knowledge I've gathered, the relationships

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Speaker 4: I've saved, all of that, I think a good man

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Speaker 4: is number one, a man who wants to desires to

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Speaker 4: be a better version of himself. First, he starts there

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Speaker 4: and that perspective, and he understands, he's self aware that

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Speaker 4: there are areas and deficiencies about him, that he's not

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Speaker 4: a perfect man, but he's a man that's willing to

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Speaker 4: progress now as it pertains to a relationship. A good

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Speaker 4: man is a man that who not only when Number

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Speaker 4: one wants to empower the woman that he's with the

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Speaker 4: word empower means to give power, the power to be herself,

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Speaker 4: to power to grow, to power to evolve. The second

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Speaker 4: thing he wants. A good man is as a man.

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Speaker 4: That is, his existence in a relationship is about partnership,

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Speaker 4: about partnering. I'm neither in front of the person or

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Speaker 4: behind the person. I'm allowing our relationship to involve, to

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Speaker 4: evolve to its highest possible Zenian based on who we

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Speaker 4: are as individuals. Okay, a good man, A good man

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Speaker 4: is a person who says, I am.

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Speaker 2: Willing to let you be me. I mean let you

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Speaker 2: be you and me be me.

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Speaker 4: And so when I go from that perspective, all of

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Speaker 4: the other things, whether he provides, whether he make one

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Speaker 4: hundred and fifty thousand dollars a year or whether he

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Speaker 4: makes seventy five thousand dollars a year, whether he talks

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Speaker 4: a lot, of whether he doesn't talk a lot, everything

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Speaker 4: falls under this context.

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Speaker 1: That is so very interesting when particularly the self awareness,

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Speaker 1: because I believe that we go into relationships to become

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Speaker 1: even more self aware. And the pieces and parts that

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Speaker 1: we're probably going to become most aware of are the

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Speaker 1: parts that we don't want to acknowledge.

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Speaker 4: That's what makes him good because you know, like I know,

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Speaker 4: relationships reveal parts of us that we don't really know

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Speaker 4: that exists. Okay, but he's willing to take that part.

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Speaker 4: Remember I started with he wants to be a better

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Speaker 4: version of himself. I started with he takes even though

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Speaker 4: even in my own relationship, even though I don't like

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Speaker 4: some of the things that was revealed to me before

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Speaker 4: on this journey, I'm not a good communicator.

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Speaker 2: I can be overbearing, controlling sometimes.

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Speaker 4: Well, those are the things that help me to evolve

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Speaker 4: and to the better person that I am today.

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Speaker 2: And so I was willing.

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Speaker 4: I didn't like it, but I was willing to take

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Speaker 4: it and use it to become something new.

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Speaker 2: That's why a city's a good.

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Speaker 1: Man willingness, A good man is willing. I think that

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Speaker 1: is absolutely key. So is the good man looking for

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Speaker 1: those same qualities attributes in a woman.

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Speaker 4: Ah, Now that's when we get to the sticky part.

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Speaker 2: He yes.

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Speaker 4: And So I had this conversation the other day with

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Speaker 4: I have a relationship academy, got one hundred women in there,

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Speaker 4: and I said to them, I said, a lot of

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Speaker 4: you say that you want a good man a lot,

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Speaker 4: but I don't think a lot of you are ready

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Speaker 4: for a good man.

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Speaker 2: You see a good man.

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Speaker 4: And when I broke down, when a good man, a

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Speaker 4: good man is going to point out the areas that

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Speaker 4: we need to improve upon, not only me but you

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Speaker 4: And so a lot of people don't want to hear that.

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Speaker 4: A lot of people. And I'm gonna be honest with you.

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Speaker 4: I coach a lot of a lot of ladies and

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Speaker 4: I coach man. That's the cool thing about what I do.

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Speaker 4: I get the coach bo. But I had this conversation

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Speaker 4: and a lot of women say, hey, I want a

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Speaker 4: man to be this, this, this, this and this, have this,

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Speaker 4: this and this and this. And my first question is

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Speaker 4: that what you seek? Do you have it? That what

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Speaker 4: you seek? Are you en route to get it? So

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Speaker 4: you want a man with a six pack, but are

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Speaker 4: you exercising at all? They're like, no, I want a

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Speaker 4: man who makes two three hundred thousand dollars year.

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Speaker 2: I said, are you financially capable? Have you? No? No,

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Speaker 2: I'm not there I said, so.

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Speaker 4: In other words, what the reality is is you want

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Speaker 4: someone to have something you're not willing to attain, and

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Speaker 4: you want to hold someone to a higher standard than

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Speaker 4: you're willing to hold yourself to.

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Speaker 2: And some of them didn't like it, some of them

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Speaker 2: but here.

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Speaker 4: But the kicker is this, the people who get that

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Speaker 4: message men are women. Those are the ones that I

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Speaker 4: am that are finding relationships. Those are the ones that

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Speaker 4: are I won't say I'm putting them in relationships, I'm helping,

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Speaker 4: but a lot of them have realized that on this

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Speaker 4: journey that we're on, all of us need to level up.

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Speaker 4: Everybody's got to be better, you know. And so that's

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Speaker 4: just that's that's how I.

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Speaker 2: Look at it.

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Speaker 1: Okay, let me go back here for a moment, because

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Speaker 1: I have a theory that a man, I call it

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Speaker 1: the four P theory. Men and the women have their a's.

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Speaker 1: Men have four p's, Women have four a's. Provide, protect, perform.

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Speaker 1: That means, you know, if a mouse runs across the floor,

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Speaker 1: you're gonna have to get it. Don't don't scream and

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Speaker 1: run and push me in the direction, and uh, perform

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Speaker 1: and please. That means, know the things that make me smile. No,

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Speaker 1: you know my flower, my color, my perfume. So let's

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Speaker 1: because today my experience is maybe yours is different. The

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Speaker 1: first thing a woman, many women, not a woman, but many,

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Speaker 1: particularly the youngins, look at is the money I want

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Speaker 1: a man who makes six figures. I guess where the

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Speaker 1: tension comes for that is the provide part. If it

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Speaker 1: is a man's responsibility to provide. He's the leader, he's

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Speaker 1: going to provide. Yes, we can be in partnership. But

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Speaker 1: if he's going to provide, is it out of order?

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Speaker 1: Is it inappropriate for a woman to be concerned with

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Speaker 1: the amount of money he makes?

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Speaker 4: It is not out of order, y'all. Let me ask

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Speaker 4: you a question. See, here's where the problem, where the

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Speaker 4: distortion is. The distortion is is that that is.

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Speaker 2: The primary focus.

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Speaker 4: Okay, his money, because social media, society, whatever it is.

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Speaker 4: Because I know people who say they have convinced them.

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Speaker 4: We tell ourselves a story. They convince themselves that if

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Speaker 4: he makes X number dollars, I'm gonna be happy. They

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Speaker 4: made that correlation that with the high income. And then

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Speaker 4: they get it, and then they get it and realize,

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Speaker 4: Number one, he's an asshole. Number two he doesn't care

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Speaker 4: about my emotional security, mental security. He didn't do any

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Speaker 4: of that, and he doesn't have time for me. He's

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Speaker 4: not willing to sacrifice.

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Speaker 2: Any of that.

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Speaker 4: And then one, so now I got the man that

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Speaker 4: makes all this money.

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Speaker 2: And then I realize, now, really.

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Speaker 4: What comes into focus is the theme that I truly

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Speaker 4: desire the things I truly desire.

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Speaker 2: See, what we're living on is an illusion.

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Speaker 4: Initially, we're living on this illusion that I believe that

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Speaker 4: if I acquired this, if I have this, which results,

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Speaker 4: here's what it results in. Our relationships and our view

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Speaker 4: of relationships have become transactional. So if he can buy

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Speaker 4: me this, he's a candidate. If I can get this,

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Speaker 4: he's a candidate. If he cannot, I will discard him.

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Speaker 4: He's not a good candidate. And so while your fourth

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Speaker 4: I'll go back to your four piece. Your four piece

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Speaker 4: you start with, provide. Okay, that is very The question

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Speaker 4: whether he can provide for our family is a question

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Speaker 4: that is necessary and primary it is it's necessary. But

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Speaker 4: what is provision? I mean, what is provision? Everybody can

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Speaker 4: define what provision is in a different way. And so okay,

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Speaker 4: let's say now he provides, right, But you said some

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Speaker 4: other things. You said protect, you said please, and then

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Speaker 4: you said perform. So but I put an orderate amount

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Speaker 4: of weight on providing, Yeah, and provision, and so the

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Speaker 4: other things I let go. And you notice to be true.

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Speaker 4: You notice to be true. Some people will let things

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Speaker 4: go they know are not good for them, but because

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Speaker 4: he's got the provision. And I understand why, because I

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Speaker 4: understand the number one need for women is security. I

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Speaker 4: get it. They need security in a relationship. They want

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Speaker 4: to know that, and it makes sense. But to forgo

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Speaker 4: the rest of it, I don't think it's healthy.

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Speaker 1: No, No, I one degree. I want to look at

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Speaker 1: this because one of the things that you're speaking to

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Speaker 1: is about values, and I didn't hear you, but I'm

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Speaker 1: going to assume a good man has values. We'll talk

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Speaker 1: about that right after the spring. Welcome back to the

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Speaker 1: R Spot. Let's get back to the conversation. My guest

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Speaker 1: today is Coach Ken Canyon, and we're talking about what

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Speaker 1: a good man wants. And we just got started and

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Speaker 1: I got fifty eight thousand questions. But before the break,

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Speaker 1: I want to talk about this new phenomena that's going

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Speaker 1: on and really again among the youngins transactional relationships. Can

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Speaker 1: you can you break that down for us, because I

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Speaker 1: think some people, particularly the youngins, think that that's the

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Speaker 1: way it is. But there's some pieces missing in transactional relationships.

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Speaker 1: So from a man's perspective, since we're talking about what

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Speaker 1: good men.

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Speaker 2: Want, so listen transactions. You know, I hear this conversation

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Speaker 2: of fifty to fifty.

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Speaker 4: Okay, you know there's a whole thing about fifty to

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Speaker 4: fifty because what we've done is we've reduced the relationship

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Speaker 4: to financial when we say fifty to fifty. But what

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Speaker 4: I wanted to tell them is I said, wait minute,

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Speaker 4: there's a problem with that. So when you approach a

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Speaker 4: relationship with partnership, sometimes a partner may have to put

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Speaker 4: eighty twenty. Sometimes it maybe seventy thirty or ninety ten.

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Speaker 4: I'll never forget it. I want to give you a

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Speaker 4: quick story about four fifteen years ago. I was on

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Speaker 4: a reality show called The Biggest Loser. I was four

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Speaker 4: hundred and thirty pounds, and I will never forget it.

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Speaker 4: I was I was traveling around the country and I

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Speaker 4: was making money. I was doing seminars, I was speaking,

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Speaker 4: and I knew that if I kept up the way

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Speaker 4: that I was going, eating and doing whatever. I wouldn't

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Speaker 4: be here for five years. My wife and I we

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Speaker 4: were married, we had been married six years, and I

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Speaker 4: told my wife, I said, I wanted to apply for

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Speaker 4: this show.

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Speaker 2: So I ended up getting on the show. And I

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Speaker 2: had to. I had seventy five thousand dollars worth of

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Speaker 2: contracts I had to let go. I could not get

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Speaker 2: I could not perform for nine months.

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Speaker 4: My wife paid every bill. Now, listen to what I'm saying. Now,

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Speaker 4: I'll never forget. I sat at my desk on the

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Speaker 4: time because my job was working out twice a day,

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Speaker 4: six eight hours a day.

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Speaker 2: That was my job. And so I went to her

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Speaker 2: and she worked two jobs.

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Speaker 4: Now, she brought the money, put it on my desk

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Speaker 4: one day and turned around and left.

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Speaker 2: And I cried as a grown man.

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Speaker 4: I sat, there were tears in my eyes, and I

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Speaker 4: thought to myself. She didn't say one word, she didn't

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Speaker 4: try to masculate me. She took I took the money,

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Speaker 4: and and and and we and it kept us going

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Speaker 4: for nine months till I got off the show. My

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Speaker 4: wife has not had to work since that day. She

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Speaker 4: has not had to work now, she does work works

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Speaker 4: in our company, but she's not had to work. But

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Speaker 4: that's what partnership is. At that point, I couldn't give.

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Speaker 4: I could financial that, I couldn't give anything. I said,

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Speaker 4: let me go do this work.

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Speaker 2: Sometimes.

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Speaker 4: Another case was where her her dad died four years ago,

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Speaker 4: three years she grieved and she didn't have anything from

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Speaker 4: me emotionally, I said, I'll give you ninety give me

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Speaker 4: the ten you got.

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Speaker 2: I'm good.

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Speaker 4: And see what we've done is we have looked at

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Speaker 4: relationships transactionally. It's just money. It's so much more than money.

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Speaker 4: If it's ever going to work, that's what partnership is. Then,

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Speaker 4: so when I approach the whole idea of transactional relationships,

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Speaker 4: I look at I'm like, you're doing yourself a disservice.

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Speaker 4: And then and the other thing, I tell ladies, what

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Speaker 4: if the guy gets sick. Okay, he paying all the bills.

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Speaker 2: Now, he pay all.

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Speaker 4: The bills, okay, take care everything. But he gets sick

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Speaker 4: and he can't pay, then then what do you leave him?

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Speaker 4: Does its value diminish because he can't pay?

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Speaker 2: I mean? And so that's what I say.

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Speaker 4: The whole concept of transactional relationships are flawed, But how

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Speaker 4: can you meet somebody you discard all of.

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Speaker 2: The other values, all of the other things.

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Speaker 4: They break to the table if his money ain't quite

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Speaker 4: where and she would be I'm just asking.

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Speaker 1: You said a word that I want to really investigate,

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Speaker 1: because I think that many women are ignorant of what

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Speaker 1: this is and how they consciously and unconsciously do it.

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Speaker 1: The word is emasculate, emasculate. How beloved does a woman

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Speaker 1: emasculate a man?

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Speaker 4: Emasculation in this sense is when number one, there are

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Speaker 4: several ways. Number one, when you always tell the man

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Speaker 4: what he's not instead of telling him what he is. Honey,

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Speaker 4: I love the way you raise the kids, but you're

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Speaker 4: telling me what i'm not. You don't take them to

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Speaker 4: school enough, you don't spend enough time with them. Okay.

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Speaker 4: Another way women emasculate men is a comparison to something

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Speaker 4: else you desire that he does not possess. Yeah, and so,

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Speaker 4: what that simply means is and a lot of times

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Speaker 4: you ever say, well, you know, such and such started

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Speaker 4: his own business. Okay, such and such a wife started

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Speaker 4: his own business. You know, he started a truck, and

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Speaker 4: he went out and bought a truck. And so what

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Speaker 4: the insinuation is is that I'm not enough. I'm not

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Speaker 4: good enough for you, okay, And whenever that is that exists,

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Speaker 4: then the other person, if they are not they don't

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Speaker 4: have a strong sense of self self concept, then they

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Speaker 4: could internalize that, and you.

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Speaker 2: Know what happens.

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Speaker 4: They will break themselves and have trying to become more,

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Speaker 4: trying to satisfy this person to meet that need. And

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Speaker 4: the truth is they never will. I was just gonna say.

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Speaker 4: And another way that women evasculate men is by the

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Speaker 4: tone of their the tone of their communication. And what

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Speaker 4: I mean by tone, I don't just mean the volume.

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Speaker 4: I just mean the way that they talk to a

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Speaker 4: man in a disrespectful way. And on my poster the

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Speaker 4: other day, somebody says, well, I just say what I

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Speaker 4: want to say.

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Speaker 2: He's just feminine. If he can't accept it, they.

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Speaker 1: Came for me, like, let's go back to what a

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Speaker 1: good man wants. So I'm going to assume tell me

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Speaker 1: if I'm wrong, a good man does not want a

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Speaker 1: woman who's going to affirm his deficits. Would that be accurate?

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Speaker 2: That would be accurate.

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Speaker 4: You can say anything if you say it the right

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Speaker 4: way you can say anything, and what you're doing is

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Speaker 4: by affirming his deficits.

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Speaker 2: For instance, let me tell you how my wife did

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Speaker 2: it to me.

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Speaker 4: My wife says sometimes she said, I don't like it

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Speaker 4: when you compare me to other people. I didn't know

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Speaker 4: I was comparing her to someone else, but she said

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Speaker 4: it in a way she said. We were talking one day,

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Speaker 4: she said, you know what, sometimes you compare me to

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Speaker 4: other people, and that doesn't feel good.

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Speaker 2: And when she said it, I was like, when I

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Speaker 2: do that like it was?

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Speaker 4: It was almost like it was I want I wanted

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Speaker 4: to know what I did wrong. I wanted to fix

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Speaker 4: it because the way she presented it to me, I

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Speaker 4: was like, wow, I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. I am

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Speaker 4: I am so sorry. I didn't mean to do it.

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Speaker 4: And I went to I said, that was never my intention.

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Speaker 4: Please let me know how. Remember when I said, a

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Speaker 4: good man does he wants to He will accept even

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Speaker 4: something he does not like, so that he can involve

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Speaker 4: and become someone he is not today, someone a better

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Speaker 4: version of himself. And so when she told me that,

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Speaker 4: I said, I can't do that anymore. I cannot, but

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Speaker 4: I have to know what it is. And thank you

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Speaker 4: for communicating that to me.

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Speaker 1: Now you said something I want I want to go

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Speaker 1: back here for a moment when you were talking about

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Speaker 1: the people and how they came for you on you

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Speaker 1: on your thread, and the woman immediately went to, well,

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Speaker 1: he's feminine if he can't take it, I've seen this

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Speaker 1: even in my social media thing. Why I got to

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Speaker 1: be sensitive to his needs that kind of thing, you know,

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Speaker 1: and the judgment that if he doesn't accept what she

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Speaker 1: says the way she says it, when she says it,

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Speaker 1: that somehow or another, the onus is on him. So

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Speaker 1: in terms of women wanting good man and being with

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Speaker 1: a good man, how do we navigate that? How do

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Speaker 1: we navigate like when you said, when did I do that?

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Speaker 1: What does a woman do with the man that says

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Speaker 1: I don't do that?

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Speaker 2: What does she do that? Okay, so this is a

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Speaker 2: great question.

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Speaker 4: So my expertise, because I was so poorly at communication

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Speaker 4: many years ago, I have made it my mission to

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Speaker 4: teach me students how to communicate better, more effectively and so,

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Speaker 4: and part of that is in how we deliver a

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Speaker 4: message and how the other Because we worry so much

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Speaker 4: about the other person will receive, sometimes we don't really care.

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Speaker 2: We're just gonna give it to them. I'm gonna give

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Speaker 2: it to me.

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Speaker 4: I don't really care how you receive it, but I

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Speaker 4: tell them the most important thing is if the communication

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Speaker 4: does not produce the outcome that you want. If it

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Speaker 4: doesn't produce the outcome, then there's something wrong with the

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Speaker 4: way with your mechanics, your mechanism, the way you're doing it.

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Speaker 4: And so the whole idea is how do I learn

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Speaker 4: to communicate something.

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Speaker 2: Better so that I can get the outcome that I desire.

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Speaker 4: When you focus on the outcome rather than what you're saying,

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Speaker 4: focus on okay, let me say it to produce this

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Speaker 4: rather than just to feel better or to feel like

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Speaker 4: I've done something.

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Speaker 1: That's it. Very often my experience has been women don't

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Speaker 1: have an outcome in mind other than getting you told

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Speaker 1: and saying what's on my mind and expressing myself. What

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Speaker 1: a good man wants. A good man wants a woman

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Speaker 1: who does well, that's what he doesn't want. A good

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Speaker 1: man wants a woman who affirms his strengths and with

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Speaker 1: kindness and consideration, makes him aware of his shortcoming.

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Speaker 2: Yes, that is very true, and so he wants in power.

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Speaker 1: Good man wants a woman who, instead of comparing him

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Speaker 1: to someone who has something he doesn't possess, a good

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Speaker 1: man wants a woman who supports and encourages and affirms

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Speaker 1: him to move forward towards just towards a desired outcome.

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Speaker 1: So Booth, you know, Teddy's got a boat. You ain't

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Speaker 1: got no boat. And that would turn, that would evolve

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Speaker 1: into I think if we had a boat, we could

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Speaker 1: go out on the weekend. Yes, don't you want to

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Speaker 1: work towards getting a boat?

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Speaker 4: Yes, And so let's say, let me help you with

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Speaker 4: that one too. Throw The word inspires in those words

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Speaker 4: you said, inspires him and inspires she says, you know what,

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Speaker 4: maybe and my wife inspired me, all right, inspired me

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Speaker 4: to do certain things as our companies growing, She's inspired me.

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Speaker 2: She was like, fuck, here's what we can be, not

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Speaker 2: what we're not.

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Speaker 4: See, that's that's a different But a lot of people

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Speaker 4: don't have the capacity to do that because they've never

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Speaker 4: been taught how to do it. People don't do it

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Speaker 4: to them, so it's foreign to them.

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Speaker 2: And so it's one of those it's a cast twenty

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Speaker 2: two things.

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Speaker 4: If you want to get the most out of a man,

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Speaker 4: And I always tell if you want to get the

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Speaker 4: most out of a man, I said, praise him for

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Speaker 4: something that he's done, that he does that's small. If

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Speaker 4: you praise him for something that he does that is small,

438
00:26:15,480 --> 00:26:17,359
Speaker 4: his mind will make it big.

439
00:26:19,520 --> 00:26:26,359
Speaker 1: And we'll talk about that when we come back. Welcome

440
00:26:26,400 --> 00:26:31,520
Speaker 1: back to the rspot. Okay, that's true. I love that.

441
00:26:31,960 --> 00:26:34,560
Speaker 1: I know you've seen it where the kitten's looking in

442
00:26:34,600 --> 00:26:39,200
Speaker 1: the mirror, but the reflection is a lion. But does

443
00:26:39,240 --> 00:26:43,280
Speaker 1: a good man affirm the little things that she does?

444
00:26:44,200 --> 00:26:47,159
Speaker 4: The reason why as a coach, I coach both people

445
00:26:47,480 --> 00:26:53,320
Speaker 4: because I believe that everybody's got to level up, everybody's

446
00:26:53,320 --> 00:26:56,120
Speaker 4: got to be a better version of themselves.

447
00:26:56,359 --> 00:26:58,639
Speaker 2: And what I say, I get it that women are done.

448
00:26:58,680 --> 00:27:01,760
Speaker 4: So I got into it and to a heated discussion

449
00:27:01,800 --> 00:27:04,600
Speaker 4: with a brother who was talking about women. And so

450
00:27:04,680 --> 00:27:07,920
Speaker 4: this is funny because my dichotomy is that on both sides,

451
00:27:08,119 --> 00:27:10,040
Speaker 4: and he was talking. I said, brother, wait a minute,

452
00:27:10,760 --> 00:27:17,600
Speaker 4: stop this. Women, many women are a result of the trauma,

453
00:27:18,080 --> 00:27:21,800
Speaker 4: the toxicity, the things that men have put them through

454
00:27:22,080 --> 00:27:25,800
Speaker 4: the times when we have been sleeping with twelve or

455
00:27:25,840 --> 00:27:28,600
Speaker 4: thirteen of them, and as a result of that, they've

456
00:27:28,640 --> 00:27:31,760
Speaker 4: got low self esteem, and you don't want to take

457
00:27:31,800 --> 00:27:36,080
Speaker 4: any accountability for what we've done. And then I said, so,

458
00:27:36,080 --> 00:27:39,480
Speaker 4: so let's start there, you know, And so I want

459
00:27:39,520 --> 00:27:42,000
Speaker 4: to understand. And that is the reason why I am

460
00:27:42,119 --> 00:27:45,760
Speaker 4: like this in this state of limpo, because I'm like,

461
00:27:45,880 --> 00:27:49,199
Speaker 4: let's bring everybody together, but I gotta understand. But I

462
00:27:49,240 --> 00:27:51,480
Speaker 4: start with, you know, we all got to be willing

463
00:27:51,520 --> 00:27:53,920
Speaker 4: to look at ourselves though you know we.

464
00:27:53,920 --> 00:27:55,160
Speaker 2: Got it and I know they're done.

465
00:27:55,320 --> 00:27:59,040
Speaker 4: So to answer your question, a good man is should

466
00:27:59,800 --> 00:28:02,000
Speaker 4: and I coach men. I coach the man the other

467
00:28:02,040 --> 00:28:04,240
Speaker 4: day who's going to lose his marriage. So, by the way,

468
00:28:04,240 --> 00:28:07,679
Speaker 4: I've saved two hundred and ninety nine marriages. And the

469
00:28:07,720 --> 00:28:11,439
Speaker 4: reason I know that number because those are the people

470
00:28:11,440 --> 00:28:16,280
Speaker 4: who was done, who were done. And I put thousands

471
00:28:16,280 --> 00:28:18,199
Speaker 4: of relationships together, but those are the ones I remember.

472
00:28:18,640 --> 00:28:22,560
Speaker 4: But the one thing I said is, I said, your

473
00:28:22,640 --> 00:28:27,239
Speaker 4: wife says, you don't see her. You look at her

474
00:28:27,280 --> 00:28:30,040
Speaker 4: every day, but you don't see who she is on inside.

475
00:28:30,080 --> 00:28:33,639
Speaker 4: You never affirm her, You never talk about the things

476
00:28:33,680 --> 00:28:37,800
Speaker 4: that she does as a woman. You never talk about that.

477
00:28:38,280 --> 00:28:41,080
Speaker 4: Only thing you do is complain about the shit she

478
00:28:41,200 --> 00:28:45,640
Speaker 4: does not do. Who wants to be around somebody that

479
00:28:45,760 --> 00:28:47,960
Speaker 4: the only time I come up in.

480
00:28:47,880 --> 00:28:50,720
Speaker 2: Your existence, your orbit, is when you're telling me what

481
00:28:50,880 --> 00:28:51,160
Speaker 2: I'm not.

482
00:28:53,600 --> 00:28:56,400
Speaker 1: And she has to not do that to him. A

483
00:28:56,480 --> 00:28:59,360
Speaker 1: good woman is not going to do that, do that

484
00:28:59,400 --> 00:28:59,720
Speaker 1: to him.

485
00:29:00,120 --> 00:29:00,440
Speaker 2: Listen.

486
00:29:00,680 --> 00:29:04,480
Speaker 1: I wanted to just on that point alone, just on

487
00:29:04,560 --> 00:29:08,200
Speaker 1: that point alone. I spoke to a man about two

488
00:29:08,200 --> 00:29:15,360
Speaker 1: weeks ago, fifty four years old, and here's what he said.

489
00:29:15,480 --> 00:29:18,400
Speaker 1: It breaks my heart because it was very true.

490
00:29:20,160 --> 00:29:23,680
Speaker 2: All my life, throughout all my.

491
00:29:23,760 --> 00:29:28,320
Speaker 1: Fifty four years, what I've heard is how fl black

492
00:29:28,360 --> 00:29:28,800
Speaker 1: men are.

493
00:29:29,480 --> 00:29:29,880
Speaker 2: He said.

494
00:29:29,920 --> 00:29:34,080
Speaker 1: It's in the songs. Ain't nothing going on with the red.

495
00:29:34,200 --> 00:29:37,400
Speaker 1: I don't want no scrug, he you know, he named

496
00:29:37,440 --> 00:29:41,640
Speaker 1: this whole Litana song. He said, it's in the magazines.

497
00:29:42,080 --> 00:29:44,920
Speaker 1: You look in the magazine and you see white men

498
00:29:45,120 --> 00:29:47,600
Speaker 1: buffing this and that and the other things. He said.

499
00:29:47,800 --> 00:29:50,959
Speaker 1: In my early years, you didn't see black men in magazines.

500
00:29:51,280 --> 00:29:54,080
Speaker 1: You didn't see black men in pictures, he said. And

501
00:29:54,160 --> 00:29:58,040
Speaker 1: then you know, to hear women talk black men are stupid.

502
00:29:58,200 --> 00:30:01,040
Speaker 1: They ain't this, They ain't that, they, he says. And

503
00:30:01,120 --> 00:30:06,640
Speaker 1: now brothers, men are starting to speak out about this,

504
00:30:07,160 --> 00:30:09,920
Speaker 1: he said. Before they just he said, and and and

505
00:30:10,000 --> 00:30:15,520
Speaker 1: I'm really he said, I'm enraged because I don't know

506
00:30:15,840 --> 00:30:16,680
Speaker 1: how to be.

507
00:30:18,320 --> 00:30:18,960
Speaker 2: Uh.

508
00:30:19,120 --> 00:30:22,760
Speaker 1: And he said, no matter how I am, people still

509
00:30:22,840 --> 00:30:26,560
Speaker 1: see me as that black man ain't shit, he can't

510
00:30:26,640 --> 00:30:29,800
Speaker 1: do nothing. He and got nothing, bud. And it's still

511
00:30:29,840 --> 00:30:34,040
Speaker 1: in these songs, he says, And now men are speaking

512
00:30:34,120 --> 00:30:37,960
Speaker 1: out about it, talking about how aggressive women are. He

513
00:30:38,040 --> 00:30:42,240
Speaker 1: was speaking specifically to black women, how disrespectful they are,

514
00:30:42,800 --> 00:30:46,280
Speaker 1: jumping up in our faces, calling them you know, and

515
00:30:46,320 --> 00:30:49,000
Speaker 1: then when as soon as we say something, they want

516
00:30:49,040 --> 00:30:52,240
Speaker 1: to fight. He said, but this is what we've heard

517
00:30:52,280 --> 00:30:52,960
Speaker 1: all our lies.

518
00:30:53,320 --> 00:30:56,080
Speaker 4: You're right, and that is the read that my post.

519
00:30:56,600 --> 00:30:59,160
Speaker 4: A lot of brothers who came to my post and said,

520
00:31:00,240 --> 00:31:02,760
Speaker 4: this is what he was talking about. What he was

521
00:31:03,040 --> 00:31:07,480
Speaker 4: the combative aggressive language. This they were coming from me.

522
00:31:08,560 --> 00:31:11,840
Speaker 4: And I said to myself, you know what I said,

523
00:31:11,960 --> 00:31:15,640
Speaker 4: See y'all, this is what I'm talking about. For those

524
00:31:15,680 --> 00:31:18,360
Speaker 4: that but but but but by by the same token tho.

525
00:31:19,440 --> 00:31:21,560
Speaker 4: There were a lot of women saying that. But there

526
00:31:21,560 --> 00:31:24,160
Speaker 4: were a lot of women saying, you're right, we gotta

527
00:31:24,240 --> 00:31:28,040
Speaker 4: be better. I want to be better. And so it's

528
00:31:28,120 --> 00:31:29,880
Speaker 4: kind of like the whole thing. If you see one

529
00:31:29,880 --> 00:31:32,880
Speaker 4: person stealing some people. Somebody said that all black people steal.

530
00:31:33,200 --> 00:31:35,440
Speaker 2: No, we don't, and.

531
00:31:35,680 --> 00:31:38,000
Speaker 4: One woman was like, no, every woman is not like that.

532
00:31:38,200 --> 00:31:40,160
Speaker 4: Some of us want to learn, some of us want

533
00:31:40,160 --> 00:31:42,880
Speaker 4: to get a partner. Some of them and one lady,

534
00:31:42,920 --> 00:31:44,720
Speaker 4: I want to give you this one example. Yeall like,

535
00:31:44,720 --> 00:31:48,440
Speaker 4: I gotta give you this. So this lady, I say name.

536
00:31:48,520 --> 00:31:51,960
Speaker 4: Her name is Teresa. Teresa sixty years old. Teresa came

537
00:31:52,000 --> 00:31:55,960
Speaker 4: to me nine months ago. She joined my academy and

538
00:31:56,040 --> 00:31:59,160
Speaker 4: she explained to me she called herself ill. I created

539
00:31:59,160 --> 00:32:02,240
Speaker 4: a name for her, called this pop off mis pop Off.

540
00:32:02,240 --> 00:32:05,160
Speaker 4: She said, if I see something, miss pop Off, you

541
00:32:05,200 --> 00:32:08,600
Speaker 4: know she'll pop off in a minute. She was like,

542
00:32:09,160 --> 00:32:11,480
Speaker 4: I'll pop off. I see something not right, I'm gonna

543
00:32:11,480 --> 00:32:13,200
Speaker 4: pop off. And I said, how's that working for you?

544
00:32:14,000 --> 00:32:16,400
Speaker 4: She said, Coach, the truth is it ain't working for me.

545
00:32:17,120 --> 00:32:20,200
Speaker 4: I want a relationship. So I told her, can we

546
00:32:20,280 --> 00:32:24,280
Speaker 4: start with that. Your desire, your intention is to have

547
00:32:24,320 --> 00:32:27,720
Speaker 4: a relationship. I said, then let me dissect you like

548
00:32:27,760 --> 00:32:29,960
Speaker 4: a doctor and say part of the reason you can't

549
00:32:30,000 --> 00:32:32,320
Speaker 4: cause you're a beautiful woman. She thought it was her age.

550
00:32:32,320 --> 00:32:36,280
Speaker 4: I said, h age, I said, it's your communication. So

551
00:32:36,360 --> 00:32:39,320
Speaker 4: it took us. We started working together and she and

552
00:32:39,400 --> 00:32:42,880
Speaker 4: her relationship with her family change. And I said, you're

553
00:32:42,880 --> 00:32:44,719
Speaker 4: going to meet some duds along the way. And I

554
00:32:44,800 --> 00:32:48,040
Speaker 4: showed her how to vet people. I have a system,

555
00:32:48,520 --> 00:32:51,200
Speaker 4: and she said, And she finally she met a guy.

556
00:32:51,640 --> 00:32:54,640
Speaker 4: She said, Coach, he's a good man. And I didn't

557
00:32:54,680 --> 00:32:57,560
Speaker 4: know how to act. I was expecting to shoot a drop,

558
00:32:58,040 --> 00:33:01,080
Speaker 4: I asked by. I said, no, let's face that. Let's

559
00:33:01,080 --> 00:33:04,560
Speaker 4: communicate through that. I taught her how to communicate. She

560
00:33:04,720 --> 00:33:08,479
Speaker 4: got married three weeks ago to this man, and she

561
00:33:09,120 --> 00:33:12,680
Speaker 4: came on to last Sunday to tell the other ladies.

562
00:33:13,040 --> 00:33:16,640
Speaker 4: She was like, y'all, when I decided to embrace some

563
00:33:16,680 --> 00:33:18,240
Speaker 4: feminine energy and.

564
00:33:18,200 --> 00:33:22,320
Speaker 2: I stopped popping off. This man told me I want

565
00:33:22,320 --> 00:33:24,800
Speaker 2: to protect you. He says, I don't want to hurt you.

566
00:33:25,160 --> 00:33:27,280
Speaker 2: And she says, I don't even know how to act

567
00:33:27,520 --> 00:33:30,240
Speaker 2: in him? Is embrace? She said?

568
00:33:30,440 --> 00:33:32,880
Speaker 4: I said, I said, live in the present, go with it.

569
00:33:33,560 --> 00:33:36,360
Speaker 4: I said, be that feminine woman. I know it's different.

570
00:33:36,760 --> 00:33:40,480
Speaker 4: The reason I give you that example because people can change.

571
00:33:40,800 --> 00:33:44,760
Speaker 4: They just got to decide to They just got to decide.

572
00:33:46,840 --> 00:33:50,680
Speaker 1: What about this. Here's some questions, Coach. Can is it

573
00:33:50,720 --> 00:33:54,640
Speaker 1: true that a good man is looking for a woman

574
00:33:54,760 --> 00:33:58,800
Speaker 1: to be his peace and his soft place to fall.

575
00:34:00,280 --> 00:34:02,000
Speaker 2: Absolutely true.

576
00:34:02,320 --> 00:34:04,720
Speaker 1: How does she do that? How does a woman be

577
00:34:04,800 --> 00:34:08,799
Speaker 1: a man's piece and this soft place to fall and

578
00:34:08,880 --> 00:34:12,839
Speaker 1: still give him the feedback he may need to make

579
00:34:12,880 --> 00:34:14,319
Speaker 1: some changes and improvements.

580
00:34:14,800 --> 00:34:16,920
Speaker 4: Okay, so I'm gonna give you. I'm gonna give you

581
00:34:16,960 --> 00:34:20,160
Speaker 4: a formula that I give my people. I'm gonna give

582
00:34:20,160 --> 00:34:22,520
Speaker 4: you a formula. I'm gonna give you a formula to be.

583
00:34:23,000 --> 00:34:25,040
Speaker 4: First of all, I understand the number one thing that

584
00:34:25,080 --> 00:34:28,759
Speaker 4: a good man wants his piece. Listen, a black man,

585
00:34:28,840 --> 00:34:31,040
Speaker 4: I want to talk about. A black man faces all

586
00:34:31,120 --> 00:34:34,640
Speaker 4: kind of adversity. I mean, I face adversity in the

587
00:34:34,760 --> 00:34:37,839
Speaker 4: economic realm. I'm facing adversity, you know, if you think

588
00:34:37,880 --> 00:34:40,560
Speaker 4: about it. When I when I walk outside, I'm already tense.

589
00:34:40,760 --> 00:34:43,600
Speaker 4: I'm already looking around because I'm a black man. And

590
00:34:43,680 --> 00:34:48,160
Speaker 4: so when that when I when I come home, my

591
00:34:48,400 --> 00:34:51,399
Speaker 4: home has to be my piece. And what I say,

592
00:34:51,440 --> 00:34:55,279
Speaker 4: my home is the way my woman and me interact.

593
00:34:55,520 --> 00:34:57,759
Speaker 4: I want it to be a piece. Now, Now, some

594
00:34:57,880 --> 00:35:02,640
Speaker 4: men don't create peace of environments. I understand that, and

595
00:35:02,680 --> 00:35:06,480
Speaker 4: so I am not saying that they're all men do that,

596
00:35:06,719 --> 00:35:09,000
Speaker 4: but let me show you what you can do to

597
00:35:09,239 --> 00:35:11,400
Speaker 4: facilitate an environment of peace.

598
00:35:12,200 --> 00:35:12,640
Speaker 2: Okay.

599
00:35:13,280 --> 00:35:18,240
Speaker 4: First thing a woman does is is say is speak

600
00:35:18,280 --> 00:35:22,120
Speaker 4: her intention. I want to blank. I want to create

601
00:35:22,120 --> 00:35:26,560
Speaker 4: a place where our home is peaceful, I want to tell.

602
00:35:26,880 --> 00:35:30,720
Speaker 4: And what you're doing is you're actually programming his subconscious

603
00:35:31,160 --> 00:35:34,839
Speaker 4: to your desire. All right, So a lot of people

604
00:35:34,880 --> 00:35:37,080
Speaker 4: say I'm just doing it. First of all, let me

605
00:35:37,120 --> 00:35:41,120
Speaker 4: plant the seed to program his subconscious. I want to

606
00:35:41,160 --> 00:35:42,600
Speaker 4: provide a place where you can.

607
00:35:42,480 --> 00:35:42,920
Speaker 2: Talk to me.

608
00:35:43,239 --> 00:35:45,279
Speaker 4: Now, this might be even a man who doesn't talk

609
00:35:45,320 --> 00:35:48,440
Speaker 4: a lot, even a man who's not emotionally available. But

610
00:35:48,480 --> 00:35:50,880
Speaker 4: when you tell, when you plant the seed into his

611
00:35:50,960 --> 00:35:55,840
Speaker 4: subconscious that this is what I want to create, all right, that's.

612
00:35:55,680 --> 00:35:57,960
Speaker 2: The first step. Because you might be a long ways

613
00:35:57,960 --> 00:35:59,000
Speaker 2: off from that. Initially.

614
00:35:59,239 --> 00:36:01,800
Speaker 4: He might not talk a lot. He may be the

615
00:36:01,880 --> 00:36:04,360
Speaker 4: kind of person who's been through who's had some trauma,

616
00:36:04,520 --> 00:36:08,239
Speaker 4: who doesn't communicate. So what we do is plant to

617
00:36:08,320 --> 00:36:12,440
Speaker 4: see all right. The second thing we do. The second

618
00:36:12,480 --> 00:36:16,120
Speaker 4: thing we do is we talked about it before, is.

619
00:36:16,080 --> 00:36:18,120
Speaker 2: A firm who he is not?

620
00:36:18,239 --> 00:36:22,200
Speaker 4: Who he isn't Okay, So when I tell you I

621
00:36:22,239 --> 00:36:24,239
Speaker 4: want to create a place of piece, I got to

622
00:36:24,280 --> 00:36:27,000
Speaker 4: set the plate the stage for that piece.

623
00:36:27,480 --> 00:36:28,080
Speaker 2: So if I.

624
00:36:28,080 --> 00:36:33,560
Speaker 4: Tell you men want to be around women, listen, that's

625
00:36:33,600 --> 00:36:34,240
Speaker 4: what listen.

626
00:36:34,400 --> 00:36:41,680
Speaker 2: Please listen, everybody listen. A man don't act like we

627
00:36:41,760 --> 00:36:43,480
Speaker 2: think a good man.

628
00:36:44,719 --> 00:36:47,279
Speaker 4: A good man wants to be around a woman that

629
00:36:47,400 --> 00:36:49,000
Speaker 4: makes him feel good about himself.

630
00:36:51,520 --> 00:36:55,920
Speaker 2: Period. Okay, and so when you affirm what he does.

631
00:36:56,080 --> 00:36:59,520
Speaker 4: Now, second, third thing is this right here, do the

632
00:36:59,560 --> 00:37:03,760
Speaker 4: thing that you want First, listen to what I'm saying.

633
00:37:04,000 --> 00:37:08,160
Speaker 2: Okay. If you want a man to communicate, you communicate first.

634
00:37:08,480 --> 00:37:11,000
Speaker 4: Because a lot of people wait, a lot of people say, well,

635
00:37:11,000 --> 00:37:13,600
Speaker 4: he ain't doing it, I ain't gonna do it. A

636
00:37:13,680 --> 00:37:17,000
Speaker 4: lot of us don't have examples of what good communication

637
00:37:17,200 --> 00:37:17,719
Speaker 4: looks like.

638
00:37:18,880 --> 00:37:22,440
Speaker 2: So what I want you to do is be the change.

639
00:37:22,680 --> 00:37:26,400
Speaker 4: Show him, be the example of the very thing that

640
00:37:26,440 --> 00:37:27,160
Speaker 4: you want to see.

641
00:37:27,320 --> 00:37:29,200
Speaker 2: So, if you want him to.

642
00:37:29,200 --> 00:37:33,040
Speaker 4: Communicate, he is how you communicate, and you communicate in

643
00:37:33,080 --> 00:37:36,680
Speaker 4: a way effectively, you communicate from your heart. If you

644
00:37:36,800 --> 00:37:40,800
Speaker 4: want him to resolve conflict, then you start it. First,

645
00:37:41,239 --> 00:37:43,680
Speaker 4: you get the knowledge, you find out, you get a

646
00:37:43,719 --> 00:37:47,319
Speaker 4: coach king, you hire a yalla, and then what you find.

647
00:37:47,000 --> 00:37:48,759
Speaker 2: Out is how to communicate.

648
00:37:48,960 --> 00:37:52,640
Speaker 4: So what happens is you do it first, and what

649
00:37:52,760 --> 00:37:55,440
Speaker 4: happens and then again, what you're doing is you're starting

650
00:37:55,480 --> 00:37:59,200
Speaker 4: to program his subconscious mind that this is a.

651
00:37:59,160 --> 00:38:03,400
Speaker 1: Peaceful place and Coach can help me with this. I

652
00:38:03,440 --> 00:38:06,000
Speaker 1: could be wrong, and I'm willing to be wrong. I

653
00:38:06,000 --> 00:38:08,600
Speaker 1: promise you. I'm willing to be wrong. But you' and

654
00:38:08,640 --> 00:38:13,120
Speaker 1: I been married three times? Seen or Am I making

655
00:38:13,200 --> 00:38:18,200
Speaker 1: up that women seem to have to do or expected

656
00:38:18,239 --> 00:38:23,520
Speaker 1: to do most of the work that's subtle work to

657
00:38:23,760 --> 00:38:28,160
Speaker 1: keep the relationship solid and healthy? Am I making that up?

658
00:38:29,040 --> 00:38:31,960
Speaker 4: I don't think you're making it up. I think that

659
00:38:32,120 --> 00:38:34,719
Speaker 4: is a societal.

660
00:38:36,239 --> 00:38:36,640
Speaker 2: Result.

661
00:38:38,360 --> 00:38:41,000
Speaker 4: And let's be honest, there's a double standard in everything.

662
00:38:41,239 --> 00:38:47,160
Speaker 4: There's a double standard and everything. I think that women

663
00:38:48,000 --> 00:38:54,759
Speaker 4: are charged with doing more based on societal standards. Absolutely absolutely,

664
00:38:54,840 --> 00:38:56,319
Speaker 4: you got to keep going, you got to bring home

665
00:38:56,360 --> 00:38:58,480
Speaker 4: the banker, you got to make yourselves look good, you

666
00:38:58,480 --> 00:39:02,040
Speaker 4: got to take care of the kids. At absolutely no, no,

667
00:39:02,160 --> 00:39:06,560
Speaker 4: I get it. And that's true. Now here's the thing, though,

668
00:39:07,719 --> 00:39:11,920
Speaker 4: with all of those distractions that are necessary things that

669
00:39:11,960 --> 00:39:14,239
Speaker 4: we have to do, you know what, we forget a

670
00:39:14,280 --> 00:39:19,440
Speaker 4: lot of times we forget the connection that created the

671
00:39:19,480 --> 00:39:25,160
Speaker 4: distractions that created the kids that created the home, that

672
00:39:25,360 --> 00:39:29,520
Speaker 4: created all of the stuff that we have. The connection

673
00:39:29,719 --> 00:39:33,400
Speaker 4: is what created that, and we forget about the connection

674
00:39:34,320 --> 00:39:37,040
Speaker 4: that created the distractions, and then the distractions become the

675
00:39:37,080 --> 00:39:37,520
Speaker 4: main thing.

676
00:39:38,120 --> 00:39:41,440
Speaker 1: I think that we get so busy doing in a

677
00:39:41,520 --> 00:39:45,800
Speaker 1: relationship that we get to be in the relationship that

678
00:39:46,080 --> 00:39:51,279
Speaker 1: being is the connection. Coach Ken, this is I've got

679
00:39:51,400 --> 00:39:53,719
Speaker 1: so much that I want to ask you. I want

680
00:39:53,719 --> 00:39:55,799
Speaker 1: to ask you, would you be willing to do a

681
00:39:55,880 --> 00:39:56,759
Speaker 1: part two with me?

682
00:39:57,239 --> 00:39:59,759
Speaker 2: Of course we're gonna do a part two.

683
00:40:00,800 --> 00:40:03,959
Speaker 1: So everybody listen. We've been talking about what a good

684
00:40:04,000 --> 00:40:06,240
Speaker 1: man wants. Now you know, I was a kindergarten teacher,

685
00:40:06,280 --> 00:40:09,200
Speaker 1: so I got to do my review what a good man.

686
00:40:09,360 --> 00:40:12,680
Speaker 1: First of all, a good man is someone who wants

687
00:40:12,719 --> 00:40:14,360
Speaker 1: to be a better version of himself.

688
00:40:14,400 --> 00:40:15,759
Speaker 2: He wants to progress.

689
00:40:16,160 --> 00:40:19,720
Speaker 1: A good man is one who wants to empower his partner.

690
00:40:19,760 --> 00:40:22,239
Speaker 1: That means he wants his partner to heal and grow

691
00:40:22,280 --> 00:40:25,560
Speaker 1: and evolve, and he wants to support her. A good

692
00:40:25,640 --> 00:40:28,640
Speaker 1: man is one who's about partnership, not about being in

693
00:40:28,680 --> 00:40:32,000
Speaker 1: control or running the ship. And a good man wants

694
00:40:32,040 --> 00:40:34,839
Speaker 1: to let you be you while he be he. And

695
00:40:34,880 --> 00:40:38,600
Speaker 1: a good man is willing. He's got a level of willingness,

696
00:40:38,640 --> 00:40:41,360
Speaker 1: a willingness to heal, a willingness to heal, a willingness

697
00:40:41,440 --> 00:40:43,720
Speaker 1: to grow, all the things you got to be willing about.

698
00:40:44,320 --> 00:40:47,800
Speaker 1: A good man is a man who wants a partner

699
00:40:47,800 --> 00:40:51,359
Speaker 1: who does not affirm his deficits. A good man that does.

700
00:40:51,840 --> 00:40:54,279
Speaker 1: A good partner for a good man is not going

701
00:40:54,360 --> 00:40:56,560
Speaker 1: to compare him to what he does not have and

702
00:40:56,600 --> 00:41:00,239
Speaker 1: couldn't do. And a good man it wants some one

703
00:41:00,960 --> 00:41:05,719
Speaker 1: whose tone of communication affirms him and the tone of

704
00:41:05,840 --> 00:41:10,400
Speaker 1: communication and the communication creates an outcome. Now, that is

705
00:41:10,440 --> 00:41:13,960
Speaker 1: what we covered in part one, and Coach Ken is

706
00:41:14,000 --> 00:41:16,680
Speaker 1: gonna be here with me next week and we're gonna.

707
00:41:16,400 --> 00:41:17,399
Speaker 2: Cover part two.

708
00:41:18,280 --> 00:41:21,560
Speaker 1: Be sure to call all your girlfriends and particularly the

709
00:41:21,560 --> 00:41:24,600
Speaker 1: ones who pop off, and have them here next week.

710
00:41:24,920 --> 00:41:27,719
Speaker 1: I am Yamla. This is the our spot. Stay in

711
00:41:27,840 --> 00:41:46,680
Speaker 1: peace and not in pieces. The R Spot is a

712
00:41:46,719 --> 00:41:52,279
Speaker 1: production of Shondaland Audio in partnership with iHeartRadio. For more

713
00:41:52,360 --> 00:41:57,960
Speaker 1: podcasts from Shondaland Audio, visit the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts,

714
00:41:58,040 --> 00:42:00,520
Speaker 1: or wherever you listen to your face it Chell