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Speaker 1: Hi, Catherine.

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Speaker 2: Oh, hello Chelsea, Chelsea. I've got a couple of little

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Speaker 2: updates for us.

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Speaker 1: Okay.

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Speaker 2: This is Emily who called in on our Lake Bell

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Speaker 2: episode a while back. She was about to go into

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Speaker 2: our last year of law school and was really intimidated

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Speaker 2: about going out and trying to find fellowships, find a job.

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Speaker 1: I remember, Yeah, So she.

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Speaker 2: Wrote in and said, Hi, Chelsea, just wanted to give

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Speaker 2: you an update since my podcast episode. I'm headed into

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Speaker 2: my last year of law school feeling more and more

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Speaker 2: confident about interviewing, getting a job outside of Ohio, etc.

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Speaker 2: But even more so, many of my classmates resonated with

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Speaker 2: what we discussed, especially the fear of rejection, and I

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Speaker 2: think it helped so many of us realize that we

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Speaker 2: are really in a collective experience and it's going to

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Speaker 2: work out in the end. Also, I just went to

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Speaker 2: Chelsea's touristop in Columbus, Ohio, and it was the perfect

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Speaker 2: way to start off my last year of school after

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Speaker 2: the wonderful advice that you provided me last year. All

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Speaker 2: the best, Emily, awesome.

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Speaker 3: Some love it, Emily love it.

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Speaker 1: Yeah.

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Speaker 2: People are moving and shaken, which is off into the world, Chelsea.

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Speaker 2: Do you have some new dates for us.

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Speaker 3: Oh you know, I do?

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Speaker 1: You know, I do. I have a lot of We

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Speaker 1: added lots of Canadian cities, Canadians, I'm coming. We added

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Speaker 1: about fifteen new tour dates. I'm coming to Denver again,

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Speaker 1: Salt Lake City, Vancouver, Richmond, Virginia, Santa Rosa, California, Gary

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Speaker 1: and Diana, Baltimore, Verona, New York, and about seven dates

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Speaker 1: in Canada. So go to Chelseahandler dot com. I am

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Speaker 1: performing everywhere. I will be on tour all for the

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Speaker 1: rest of the year through December, and then next year,

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Speaker 1: I'm going to be touring all year. So come and

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Speaker 1: get it, you guys. It's good times and it's a

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Speaker 1: very much needed reprieve from all the fucking madness that's

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Speaker 1: going on in this world. So I'm here to bring

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Speaker 1: joy and sunshine.

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Speaker 2: Yep, go see Chelsea and do some laughing because her

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Speaker 2: show was fantastic.

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Speaker 1: Oh thanks, okay. Our guest has a new documentary out

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Speaker 1: about her life, Joan Bias. I am a noise. Please

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Speaker 1: welcome singer, songwriter and social justice warrior Joan Bias. What

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Speaker 1: an absolute delight, Joe Bias.

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Speaker 3: Nice to meet you, so.

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Speaker 1: Nice to meet you. I was so enjoyed your documentary

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Speaker 1: that I watched last night in preparation. It's called I

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Speaker 1: Am a Noise And there's a lot to cover.

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Speaker 3: There is fire away.

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Speaker 1: So yeah. So you start out you grew up with

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Speaker 1: two sisters, and you guys were pretty tight growing up, right.

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Speaker 1: I grew up with two sisters too, So I under

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Speaker 1: I understand that sister. I knew which one oldest, mid

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Speaker 1: I was the youngest, youngest, yes, and you were middle

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Speaker 1: middle yep. And so Mimi was younger than you.

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Speaker 3: She was four years younger than me. Yeah, yeah, and

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Speaker 3: the older one was two years older. So okay.

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Speaker 1: And so you guys grew up in Yeah we grew

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Speaker 1: up Yeah, which is a success in it and of itself.

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Speaker 1: Growing up. And in the beginning of the documentary, you

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Speaker 1: talk about your childhood and you're with your older sister

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Speaker 1: and you just kind of are discussing your different kind

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Speaker 1: of takes on your childhood. You didn't have such happy

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Speaker 1: memories but while you were growing up. The way I

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Speaker 1: took it, in the way it was depicted in the film,

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Speaker 1: was that you weren't really sure what had happened during

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Speaker 1: your childhood, but that something had happened, that was just

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Speaker 1: had disrupted you some sort of trauma that you were

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Speaker 1: kind of dealing with throughout your young adult life and

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Speaker 1: adult life and really couldn't put your finger on it

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Speaker 1: until you went to the deeper stuff.

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Speaker 3: Yeah. Yeah, I mean I had help all the way through,

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Speaker 3: starting at age fifteen, because I didn't you know, we

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Speaker 3: didn't have the expression panic attack back then, but my

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Speaker 3: life was one big panic attack to the next, and

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Speaker 3: so that was a clue, but we didn't understand that,

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Speaker 3: you know. So I saw good therapists and they helped

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Speaker 3: me in round and under, but never to this since

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Speaker 3: So that's what was my aim that I had to do.

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Speaker 3: And in the film we try to depict that as

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Speaker 3: cleverly an understated way as possible. I'm not interested in

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Speaker 3: giving details. It's too confusing for people. So I would

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Speaker 3: say the film speaks for itself as much as it can,

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Speaker 3: as much as I can.

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Speaker 1: And when you say you saw a therapist at fifteen,

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Speaker 1: but that was so like supplied by your parents.

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Speaker 3: Well yeah, I mean I have to hand it to

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Speaker 3: my mom. She kind of she kind of got it

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Speaker 3: because back then people didn't go to psychiatrists, right, right,

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Speaker 3: Our job with the film was to try and make

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Speaker 3: that section about childhood trauma not so overwhelming that that's

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Speaker 3: all anybody remembers. It's the most startling parts, so people

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Speaker 3: refer to it. But the stuff, there's stuff that I

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Speaker 3: learned from the film. I mean, I had no idea

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Speaker 3: really what my sisters felt. You don't say that to

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Speaker 3: your sister, but they trusted Karen and O'Connor, who was directing,

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Speaker 3: and so they were able to speak and say how

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Speaker 3: they You know, my older sister that I basically sucked

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Speaker 3: all the oxygen out of the room and when I

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Speaker 3: walked in then she couldn't survive that and MADEI wanted

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Speaker 3: to be a singer and was totally you know, confused

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Speaker 3: about her place in the world. And my father was

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Speaker 3: pissed off that I wasn't making a lot of money.

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Speaker 3: I mean, it was all it was all a big jumble.

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Speaker 3: But I see it in the film in a way

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Speaker 3: that I didn't see it before.

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Speaker 1: And how did it make you feel to learn that

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Speaker 1: that's how your sisters felt about your success and in

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Speaker 1: relation to you.

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Speaker 3: Well, I knew in a sense, but I never heard

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Speaker 3: them really really say it. So I mean, watching the film.

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Speaker 3: Each time I watch it, and I've watched it at

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Speaker 3: a bunch of openings, is always a gut punch here

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Speaker 3: and there of stuff that I'm learning for the first time,

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Speaker 3: but there's also positive stuff that I'm learning for the

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Speaker 3: first time. It is a big learning experience.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, I think it's really well done because you hint

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Speaker 1: at some sort of trauma, but you don't reveal that

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Speaker 1: it was sexual abuse until the end of the film.

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Speaker 1: But I suspected that as soon as you said something

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Speaker 1: earlier in the film about the panic attacks.

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Speaker 3: And well, it's interesting that you suspected. It just means

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Speaker 3: that you know something about that world because some people

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Speaker 3: don't know.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, I don't get it. Yeah, Well, when kids are

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Speaker 1: having panic attacks and they can't really put their finger

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Speaker 1: on it's something, right, Something is always up. And I

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Speaker 1: think it's interesting that the domino effect of a career

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Speaker 1: and a big life that can have on your siblings,

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Speaker 1: Like you know, one of your sisters, your older sister,

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Speaker 1: as you mentioned, had to retreat. She didn't want anything

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Speaker 1: to do with it. She didn't like that, you know,

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Speaker 1: she didn't want any attention on her. And your other

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Speaker 1: sister tried to kind of mimic what you did and

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Speaker 1: ended up with a guy that she went and created

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Speaker 1: a lot of music with, but who sadly passed away

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Speaker 1: much earlier than expected. And then there's also just so

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Speaker 1: much activism in this film that you did. It's so beautiful.

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Speaker 1: I love it and can relate so much to your

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Speaker 1: passion for activism, and then your relationship with Bob Dylan,

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Speaker 1: which was heartbreaking. I didn't know that that's how it ended.

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Speaker 3: Well. I think it's sort of unique that I just said,

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Speaker 3: I guess he broke my heart. You know, these people

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Speaker 3: don't usually say that kind of stuff, but I just

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Speaker 3: blurted out a lot of truths in the film. I

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Speaker 3: figure it's supposed to be an honest legacy. I can't

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Speaker 3: afford to hide stuff now, I mean my eighties. You know,

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Speaker 3: I've gotten nothing to lose. Family's gone not gonna hurt

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Speaker 3: any feelings in the immediate family. So I turned over

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Speaker 3: the keys literally to that storage unit. I had never

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Speaker 3: walked in there until the film filmed me walking into

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Speaker 3: my storage unit. I had no idea that my mother

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Speaker 3: kept absolutely every letter, every little tape recording I'd said,

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Speaker 3: and my father was a camera buff by the time

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Speaker 3: he was ten, kept every eight millimeter he took of

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Speaker 3: us and all his photographs, and it was all in

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Speaker 3: that room. I mean, I knew about some of my

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Speaker 3: own tapes that I knew, but I didn't know was

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Speaker 3: that orderly. I had nothing to do with that. Somebody

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Speaker 3: else had to put it in order. You know. I said,

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Speaker 3: do what you need to do. And if I had

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Speaker 3: been involved with the making of the film, it would

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Speaker 3: have just been a nightmare. I would have not wanted this,

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Speaker 3: not wanted that, and chosen this. And I look good here,

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Speaker 3: and we joke about courage. You know, took courage to

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Speaker 3: be in the bombshelter, to courage to deal with the

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Speaker 3: kou Klux Klan. But the real courage was letting them

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Speaker 3: fill this with natural light. You know. I didn't have

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Speaker 3: any help from that, and I think that's important.

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Speaker 1: Well listen, if this is what eighty looks like, and

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Speaker 1: this is what I'm rolling into, I'm pretty psyched about

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Speaker 1: it because you're adoraball. I think you're beautiful, you're sexy,

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Speaker 1: you're all of the things that nobody equates with being

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Speaker 1: in your eighties. So thank you all done on that front,

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Speaker 1: Well done on the superficial front. Let's get to the

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Speaker 1: deeper stuff. Okay, let's talk about when you became successful

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Speaker 1: on a level that you weren't anticipating. You're talking in

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Speaker 1: the movie about. I mean, it was obviously the time

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Speaker 1: you were living in right that had an impact on

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Speaker 1: the success of what people needed to hear. But what

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Speaker 1: was the moment where everything changed. I know with Bob

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Speaker 1: Dylan you were talking about it being in London, but

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Speaker 1: for you.

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Speaker 3: The beginning probably bang, it was Newport. I mean I'd

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Speaker 3: been seeing that wonderful little club and I had a

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Speaker 3: following there, and it's kind of it was kind of

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Speaker 3: leaking out of Cambridge and into Boston to New York.

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Speaker 3: But then you know, Odetta invited me up to go

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Speaker 3: to Newport, and then Bob Gibson, who was well known

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Speaker 3: at the time folk singer, invited me up on stage,

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Speaker 3: and that kind of did it. I mean it was

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Speaker 3: a big First of all, there thirteen thousand people. I

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Speaker 3: didn't know that many people got in one place at

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Speaker 3: one time. That was very cool, and I was very

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Speaker 3: very nervous. I mean literally, you know the expression of

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Speaker 3: my knees were shaking. Yeah, my knees were shaking, and

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Speaker 3: I was, how am I going to do this? But

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Speaker 3: then I went up, I did it, and it was

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Speaker 3: a huge response, and you know, as Mimi says in

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Speaker 3: the film, it was an overnight thing. And the next

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Speaker 3: thing I knew, I was on the cover of Time magazine.

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Speaker 3: And yeah, it was fast. It was fast, and you

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Speaker 3: try to absorb that as a seventeen eighteen, nineteen year old.

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Speaker 3: And I was determined to not become commercial. And I,

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Speaker 3: you know, I was a big pain in the ass

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Speaker 3: because I didn't want all the stuff that people usually want.

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Speaker 3: I didn't want red carpets, and I didn't want limousines.

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Speaker 3: I didn't want flowers on the stage. And apparently I

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Speaker 3: was just as difficult as anybody else.

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Speaker 1: And the whole time, you're writing letters to your parents saying,

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Speaker 1: you know, I'm not growing enough. You're you're disappointed kind

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Speaker 1: of in the path that you had taken in your success.

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Speaker 1: You weren't able to maybe enjoy it as much because

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Speaker 1: you were worried about your other skill sets in life

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Speaker 1: and your other learnings that you felt like you were

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Speaker 1: kind of missing out on. Is that accurate?

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Speaker 2: Yeah?

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Speaker 3: And also it was my father and somehow it translated

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Speaker 3: to me that I would go to hell literally if

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Speaker 3: I did certain things and did them wrong. So everything

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Speaker 3: was measured a little bit. I was just a good thing.

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Speaker 3: This is a bad thing. It's going to hurt somebody.

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Speaker 3: So I know you're right. I didn't have time to

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Speaker 3: really enjoy myself.

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Speaker 1: And then when did you meet Bobby Bobby Bobby Dylan?

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Speaker 3: I must have met him in sixty one or two.

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Speaker 1: And how long had you been successful and in the

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Speaker 1: public eye.

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Speaker 3: At that point until fifty nine?

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Speaker 1: Okay, so a couple of years. So there's a there's

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Speaker 1: a sequence in the in the film of you two

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Speaker 1: singing together, and it is adorable. I have never seen

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Speaker 1: him smile like that. I was like, whoa, these two

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Speaker 1: are obviously having something. Something's happening with these two. You

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Speaker 1: could see that. And at that point, was something happening

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Speaker 1: or were you just friends?

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Speaker 3: I was a version of that point, you know, shock

240
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Speaker 3: of ball shocks that moved on at some point. But

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Speaker 3: so was a question about mom.

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Speaker 1: I was saying the scene in the film where you're

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Speaker 1: postinging together on stage, Yeah, I don't know where that was.

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Speaker 3: Well, I wasn't a virgin anymore, so wow.

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Speaker 1: Okay, So were you guys in a romantic relationship at

246
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Speaker 1: that point? Okay, yeah, it.

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Speaker 3: Seemed like and you know, and we were so young.

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Speaker 3: I look at that and I just keep thinking we

249
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Speaker 3: had our baby fat. You know, we were just kids,

250
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Speaker 3: and so it was as fun as it looked. It

251
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Speaker 3: was just adorable. That was the word you said.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, pretty adorable, very obvious the chemistry. And so how

253
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Speaker 1: long did you guys stay together?

254
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Speaker 3: You and Bob Dylan on and off for a couple

255
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Speaker 3: of years, I guess, I don't honestly remember how long

256
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Speaker 3: this part of it lasted. And we stayed with me

257
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Speaker 3: for a while in Carmel Valley and he wrote a

258
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Speaker 3: lot of stuff. He wrote four letter word and dropped

259
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Speaker 3: it on the floor and forgot about it, and I

260
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Speaker 3: picked it up. I said, oh wow, this is really cool.

261
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Speaker 3: And he would say something like tell me what it means?

262
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Speaker 3: Can you tell me what it means? And I would

263
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Speaker 3: give my best interpretation and he say, yeah, it's pretty good.

264
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Speaker 3: You know, after I dropped it, everybody's going to say this,

265
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Speaker 3: this is a this is what this was? Violent? What

266
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Speaker 3: the fuck is about? So yeah, and there he was

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Speaker 3: this kid writing these amazing songs.

268
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Speaker 1: And that was your first love. Would you say no, no,

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Speaker 1: would you say he was a love or yeah?

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Speaker 3: Yeah, yeah, my first love was a Harvard student. I

271
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Speaker 3: was goga about for four years. We hadn't matching the rosies,

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Speaker 3: so it went on really quite a long time.

273
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Speaker 1: Okay, so he was your second love?

274
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Speaker 3: He was?

275
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Speaker 1: Oh is there another one in between there? Wow, you

276
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Speaker 1: were busy between seventeen.

277
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Speaker 3: And twenty one? Was but if people don't recognize the name,

278
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Speaker 3: they don't count, well, yeah, I guess.

279
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Speaker 2: And there was Kimmy also oh yeah, yes, yes.

280
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Speaker 3: There was a young woman. Yeah that was. And it

281
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Speaker 3: says in the film it was just a relief. I

282
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Speaker 3: mean it was it was something new, and it was

283
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Speaker 3: something sweet and I didn't have to get all riled

284
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Speaker 3: up that it was a guy.

285
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Speaker 1: Right right. I always feel that I'm always like, just

286
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Speaker 1: to block away from becoming a lesbian, you know, with

287
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Speaker 1: the the dynamic between men and women, You're always like, well,

288
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Speaker 1: at least that's an option later, maybe sooner than later,

289
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Speaker 1: could you know, I know? And whenever. So when you

290
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Speaker 1: guys went to London with Bob Dylan, like that was

291
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Speaker 1: when his fame just became a jug or not. And

292
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Speaker 1: that's when things you felt, I think you used demoralized.

293
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Speaker 3: Demoralizing, Yeah, I mean the act, the action was totally

294
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Speaker 3: around Bob, and I could have jumped in there and

295
00:14:29,480 --> 00:14:32,840
Speaker 3: hung on to his shirt sleeves and gone everywhere with

296
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Speaker 3: him and been the center of attention as well, and

297
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Speaker 3: I thought I just didn't want to do that, so

298
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Speaker 3: I was peripheral and I suffered from that. But and

299
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Speaker 3: then maybe it became too late to try and enter

300
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Speaker 3: the boys club, but they were doing drugs. I didn't.

301
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Speaker 3: I didn't do this little folky addendum outside of you know,

302
00:14:55,240 --> 00:14:58,480
Speaker 3: it's a fringe of everybody of the guys.

303
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Speaker 1: And there was an I mean, they were asking him

304
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Speaker 1: directly questions about dating you, and he said, no, we're

305
00:15:06,040 --> 00:15:09,000
Speaker 1: not together. She's just a friend, right right, right, which

306
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Speaker 1: is in the film, And that was that was devastating.

307
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Speaker 3: But I really bring in now that the years of

308
00:15:16,400 --> 00:15:19,320
Speaker 3: resentment and years of bullshit. And then I was painting

309
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Speaker 3: his portrait. Bob was a younger, maybe the photograph was

310
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Speaker 3: he was twenty one or something. And while I was

311
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Speaker 3: painting this, I put on this music and I started

312
00:15:28,120 --> 00:15:32,119
Speaker 3: to cry and it was gratitude. It was just gratitude

313
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Speaker 3: and all of the bullshit just literally fell away, and

314
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Speaker 3: I was left with this gratitude that I was there,

315
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Speaker 3: I was singing then, that I met him, then that

316
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Speaker 3: his songs were then and at the moment, there's no reason.

317
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Speaker 3: I mean, I'll joke about him because he's nuts, but

318
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Speaker 3: it's not internally hurt and all that angst is gone.

319
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Speaker 1: Did he ever apologize to you?

320
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Speaker 3: You know, I didn't expect him to apologize when I

321
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Speaker 3: look at that film, and maybe I'm just keeping myself

322
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Speaker 3: from feeling anything, but I just see this kid. I

323
00:16:06,000 --> 00:16:08,240
Speaker 3: don't know what was going on in him. I don't

324
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Speaker 3: know if he was for some reason hurting as well.

325
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Speaker 3: You can't tell, right, right, So that's a fair assessment. Yeah,

326
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Speaker 3: I don't blame him. I mean, I'm sure I did

327
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Speaker 3: then and for years philt. You know, I'd been done wrong,

328
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Speaker 3: But I don't know what he was feeling and I

329
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Speaker 3: never will.

330
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Speaker 1: Right, And because you went back on tour with him later.

331
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Speaker 3: Yeah, and that was that was a totally different scene,

332
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Speaker 3: you know, And that was crazy and fun and I

333
00:16:32,720 --> 00:16:36,200
Speaker 3: was on kuailude then, so yes, that was my drug experience.

334
00:16:36,320 --> 00:16:37,480
Speaker 3: Was that was the only one.

335
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Speaker 1: What did quailudes do for you?

336
00:16:40,560 --> 00:16:43,440
Speaker 3: I just didn't worry about stuff so much, and for

337
00:16:43,480 --> 00:16:46,600
Speaker 3: sex as well, you know, made it easier to get

338
00:16:46,600 --> 00:16:49,760
Speaker 3: over the first number of hurdles you have to go through.

339
00:16:49,800 --> 00:16:51,440
Speaker 3: I don't know, maybe you don't have to go through.

340
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Speaker 1: No, I think I have some of the same issues.

341
00:16:53,080 --> 00:16:56,240
Speaker 1: You talk a lot about intimacy in this documentary. You

342
00:16:56,240 --> 00:16:59,760
Speaker 1: talk a lot about about your not necessarily fear of it.

343
00:16:59,760 --> 00:17:02,640
Speaker 1: It's it seems like you're kind of admittingly not so

344
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Speaker 1: well versed.

345
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Speaker 3: In into inability.

346
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Speaker 1: Yeah, and over time, you don't think that you've been

347
00:17:08,440 --> 00:17:10,720
Speaker 1: able to address that in therapy.

348
00:17:10,520 --> 00:17:13,159
Speaker 3: Or oh, sure I have on some levels. Well, I

349
00:17:13,200 --> 00:17:15,520
Speaker 3: would say I went through this deep stuff and it

350
00:17:15,600 --> 00:17:20,119
Speaker 3: was tremendous amount of work, the bone shattering work of remembering.

351
00:17:20,680 --> 00:17:22,840
Speaker 3: And I did that for a number of years until

352
00:17:22,840 --> 00:17:25,399
Speaker 3: I literally began to feel whole, which comes at the

353
00:17:25,480 --> 00:17:29,040
Speaker 3: end of the film. Yes, I feel whole. And at

354
00:17:29,080 --> 00:17:31,800
Speaker 3: the end of the hard work, when I felt like, oh,

355
00:17:31,840 --> 00:17:34,080
Speaker 3: this is what it must feel like to be a person.

356
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Speaker 3: It was sort of hinted at by this therapist, well,

357
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Speaker 3: now you can go on and sort of start dating,

358
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Speaker 3: and I said, no way, no fucking way. I'm comfortable

359
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Speaker 3: where I am. I don't want to wreck my life

360
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Speaker 3: by taking on another level of work, and I didn't

361
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Speaker 3: see it as a goody and start dating was oh

362
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Speaker 3: my god, I can't do that. And that was a

363
00:17:56,040 --> 00:17:58,080
Speaker 3: decision I made, and I've been very happy with it.

364
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Speaker 1: And do you directly link that that lack of intimacy

365
00:18:01,520 --> 00:18:03,280
Speaker 1: to your childhood.

366
00:18:02,800 --> 00:18:04,600
Speaker 3: I would say to that, I call it trauma.

367
00:18:04,920 --> 00:18:05,120
Speaker 1: Yeah.

368
00:18:05,160 --> 00:18:07,720
Speaker 3: I mean we're molded by our childhoods. And even though

369
00:18:07,760 --> 00:18:11,040
Speaker 3: I had repressed mine for half a century, I was

370
00:18:11,080 --> 00:18:14,359
Speaker 3: being molded by it anyway. So all of that I did,

371
00:18:14,640 --> 00:18:18,080
Speaker 3: all the sad songs I sang for three years without

372
00:18:18,359 --> 00:18:20,560
Speaker 3: I think there was nothing happy in there at all.

373
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Speaker 3: I didn't know why, and people had asked me why

374
00:18:24,280 --> 00:18:29,440
Speaker 3: it suited me. I had no uncertainty ever about the voice. Yeah,

375
00:18:29,480 --> 00:18:34,760
Speaker 3: I had inhibitions insecurities, but never about the sound of

376
00:18:34,880 --> 00:18:38,399
Speaker 3: the gift that I had. And because I consider it

377
00:18:38,440 --> 00:18:41,840
Speaker 3: a gift, I never claimed it or felt proud of it.

378
00:18:41,960 --> 00:18:45,440
Speaker 3: My I mean proud, yes, because the work I did,

379
00:18:45,480 --> 00:18:49,560
Speaker 3: and my job was maintenance and delivery all the way through,

380
00:18:50,080 --> 00:18:52,639
Speaker 3: you know. And I could talk about it from the outside.

381
00:18:52,680 --> 00:18:55,359
Speaker 3: I WHOA what a voice? I listened to it sometimes

382
00:18:55,440 --> 00:18:59,040
Speaker 3: that early stuff, I am blown away. I'm just it's

383
00:18:59,200 --> 00:19:00,199
Speaker 3: just amazed me.

384
00:19:00,520 --> 00:19:01,240
Speaker 2: Wow.

385
00:19:02,160 --> 00:19:04,359
Speaker 1: Yeah. Well, during one of the interviews in the film,

386
00:19:04,760 --> 00:19:07,600
Speaker 1: someone asks you, you know, do you still have this voice,

387
00:19:08,000 --> 00:19:10,520
Speaker 1: and if not, do you miss it? And You're like,

388
00:19:10,560 --> 00:19:11,879
Speaker 1: I absolutely do not have.

389
00:19:11,760 --> 00:19:13,520
Speaker 3: That voice, and I absolutely do miss it.

390
00:19:13,480 --> 00:19:15,280
Speaker 1: And I do miss it, but I'm focusing on what

391
00:19:15,320 --> 00:19:15,840
Speaker 1: I do have.

392
00:19:16,040 --> 00:19:20,119
Speaker 3: Yeah, yeah, yeah, And that got harder and harder, and

393
00:19:20,160 --> 00:19:22,160
Speaker 3: that comes out at the beginning of the film. I'm

394
00:19:22,280 --> 00:19:27,000
Speaker 3: struggling away with vocalizing and happily my Bouvier dog vocalizes

395
00:19:27,040 --> 00:19:29,520
Speaker 3: with me at the same time to ease up on them,

396
00:19:29,560 --> 00:19:32,879
Speaker 3: you know, on the pressure of it. But it go

397
00:19:33,080 --> 00:19:37,720
Speaker 3: harder and harder, and so it just became effortful. During

398
00:19:37,760 --> 00:19:40,439
Speaker 3: the tour, the last tour, yes, and leading up to that.

399
00:19:40,600 --> 00:19:43,120
Speaker 3: Yeah yeah. Just as the years went by, I got

400
00:19:43,160 --> 00:19:46,120
Speaker 3: I bought myself about ten years by seeing the right

401
00:19:46,240 --> 00:19:49,439
Speaker 3: vocal therapist, not just a trainer, not just a coach,

402
00:19:49,480 --> 00:19:53,600
Speaker 3: but a therapist who could sort of manipulate on every

403
00:19:53,680 --> 00:19:56,080
Speaker 3: level what I was doing with my voice. And it

404
00:19:56,160 --> 00:19:59,480
Speaker 3: was a huge help that literally bought me sometime.

405
00:20:00,200 --> 00:20:03,280
Speaker 1: And how many shows did you do for this farewell tour.

406
00:20:03,600 --> 00:20:07,480
Speaker 3: Total usually we did about twenty between twenty and twenty

407
00:20:07,480 --> 00:20:09,240
Speaker 3: five shows in general.

408
00:20:09,280 --> 00:20:11,240
Speaker 1: When I go out, yeah, on a tour bus with

409
00:20:11,320 --> 00:20:12,920
Speaker 1: your son, yes.

410
00:20:13,000 --> 00:20:15,000
Speaker 3: And you know. The only thing and I kind of

411
00:20:15,480 --> 00:20:17,240
Speaker 3: wished it had gotten in the film, but I didn't

412
00:20:17,280 --> 00:20:19,720
Speaker 3: have any say about anything, was that the parties we

413
00:20:19,760 --> 00:20:23,040
Speaker 3: did on the bus. We did the dancing and drinking

414
00:20:23,119 --> 00:20:27,000
Speaker 3: and roaring down the highway. We call it bus dancing

415
00:20:27,000 --> 00:20:33,720
Speaker 3: because periodically you're thrown into the seats. But we were family.

416
00:20:34,520 --> 00:20:38,120
Speaker 1: And it was a big, nice kind of repair. Can

417
00:20:38,200 --> 00:20:41,000
Speaker 1: I say with your relationship with your son, spending that

418
00:20:41,119 --> 00:20:42,760
Speaker 1: kind of time together on the road.

419
00:20:42,560 --> 00:20:46,920
Speaker 3: It began something I mean we had started and earlier

420
00:20:47,000 --> 00:20:49,879
Speaker 3: on when your kids says weren't there for me, and

421
00:20:49,920 --> 00:20:53,680
Speaker 3: you think, well, fuck you, I was. And then little

422
00:20:53,680 --> 00:20:56,280
Speaker 3: by little, going through the therapy thing, you know what

423
00:20:57,520 --> 00:21:00,680
Speaker 3: wasn't I was incapable of being present from my boy.

424
00:21:01,359 --> 00:21:03,399
Speaker 3: And we've talked about this with a couple of moms

425
00:21:03,440 --> 00:21:06,000
Speaker 3: in the last few days, and they said, all moms

426
00:21:06,040 --> 00:21:09,399
Speaker 3: think that they weren't present enough for their kids. And

427
00:21:09,480 --> 00:21:12,119
Speaker 3: I think this is an exaggerated version of it, though,

428
00:21:12,160 --> 00:21:13,840
Speaker 3: that I was gone so much and that he's so

429
00:21:14,320 --> 00:21:18,560
Speaker 3: eloquent in the film and so forgiving, you know. But

430
00:21:18,640 --> 00:21:21,639
Speaker 3: we started years ago going to therapist together, went to

431
00:21:21,680 --> 00:21:26,200
Speaker 3: therapy together to begin, you know, the process of healing

432
00:21:26,240 --> 00:21:29,280
Speaker 3: those wounds which were big. We're still going. I mean,

433
00:21:29,400 --> 00:21:31,280
Speaker 3: we hit a bump in the rowe say, come on,

434
00:21:31,440 --> 00:21:35,320
Speaker 3: who's gonna call first? And set up with our latest referee,

435
00:21:35,880 --> 00:21:38,359
Speaker 3: and we do and we go back, and you know,

436
00:21:38,480 --> 00:21:42,320
Speaker 3: I just think that that gives hope to some people.

437
00:21:43,240 --> 00:21:46,240
Speaker 3: The different things in the film we've discovered have been

438
00:21:46,240 --> 00:21:49,480
Speaker 3: helpful to other people that you know, you can know

439
00:21:49,680 --> 00:21:51,600
Speaker 3: you can go to therapy with your son. Wow, what

440
00:21:51,640 --> 00:21:55,760
Speaker 3: a concept and make it through the tunnel with him.

441
00:21:55,800 --> 00:21:59,160
Speaker 1: And in the relationship his father. Spend some time in jail, yeah,

442
00:21:59,240 --> 00:22:02,840
Speaker 1: for you know, activism, and you were assuming that you

443
00:22:02,840 --> 00:22:04,760
Speaker 1: were going to probably spend some time in jail too.

444
00:22:05,000 --> 00:22:05,240
Speaker 3: Yeah.

445
00:22:05,280 --> 00:22:06,520
Speaker 1: But you did it, did you? Yeah?

446
00:22:06,520 --> 00:22:09,160
Speaker 3: I did. Yeah. When I'm stepping into the little patty

447
00:22:09,200 --> 00:22:11,720
Speaker 3: wagon in the oh oh right, right, okay, but it

448
00:22:11,880 --> 00:22:15,679
Speaker 3: was I mean it was rehabilitation center. Ha ha, Okay,

449
00:22:17,520 --> 00:22:20,080
Speaker 3: it was kind of a joke. As far as jail

450
00:22:20,160 --> 00:22:23,479
Speaker 3: time went, I enjoyed it. I gained eight pounds just

451
00:22:23,520 --> 00:22:25,520
Speaker 3: eating commissary and really good food.

452
00:22:25,720 --> 00:22:28,120
Speaker 1: Weight gained been a problem for you in your life.

453
00:22:28,920 --> 00:22:31,119
Speaker 3: No, but I was lying on my stomach and my

454
00:22:31,160 --> 00:22:33,280
Speaker 3: mom was in there with me. And the next event,

455
00:22:33,359 --> 00:22:37,960
Speaker 3: I said, my stomachers turned out too, I had gained

456
00:22:37,960 --> 00:22:39,679
Speaker 3: a bunch of weight and I shouldn't be sleeping on

457
00:22:39,720 --> 00:22:44,840
Speaker 3: my stomach. So you know, it was not a big

458
00:22:44,880 --> 00:22:46,760
Speaker 3: problem for me, but it was an important piece of

459
00:22:46,760 --> 00:22:49,119
Speaker 3: political work. There were thirty women in there with me

460
00:22:49,200 --> 00:22:52,119
Speaker 3: the first time and sixty the second time. Yeah, and

461
00:22:52,160 --> 00:22:56,560
Speaker 3: it was an important part of that movement, supporting draft resistance.

462
00:22:56,240 --> 00:22:59,440
Speaker 1: Draft resistance, and you had you supported the civil rights

463
00:22:59,480 --> 00:23:02,320
Speaker 1: movement a great deal too. There's some footage of you

464
00:23:02,440 --> 00:23:04,720
Speaker 1: walking a little black girl into school for the very

465
00:23:04,720 --> 00:23:07,439
Speaker 1: first time, and you say a beautiful thing, which you

466
00:23:07,480 --> 00:23:10,639
Speaker 1: just said earlier about courage. It's not courageous to be

467
00:23:10,680 --> 00:23:13,159
Speaker 1: holding that girl's hands. She's the one with courage to

468
00:23:13,240 --> 00:23:16,760
Speaker 1: be walking into that situation. So there's so many beautiful

469
00:23:16,760 --> 00:23:19,359
Speaker 1: moments in it, and it's just a real beautiful tapestry

470
00:23:19,400 --> 00:23:22,120
Speaker 1: I think of your life, and it starts out when

471
00:23:22,119 --> 00:23:24,359
Speaker 1: you say something very powerful as well, which is I

472
00:23:24,359 --> 00:23:27,679
Speaker 1: think there's a time in every artist's life where you

473
00:23:27,800 --> 00:23:30,439
Speaker 1: realize you're not who you used to be, or you

474
00:23:30,480 --> 00:23:33,880
Speaker 1: don't have the same quote unquote value that you used

475
00:23:33,880 --> 00:23:36,320
Speaker 1: to have. Yeah, so talk to me a little bit

476
00:23:36,320 --> 00:23:38,919
Speaker 1: about that, because you say anyone who doesn't admit that

477
00:23:39,160 --> 00:23:41,160
Speaker 1: is lying, well kind of. Yeah.

478
00:23:41,359 --> 00:23:44,040
Speaker 3: People have different ways of sugarcoating. I remember hearing one

479
00:23:44,119 --> 00:23:47,160
Speaker 3: I won't give the name, a very famous singer who'd

480
00:23:47,200 --> 00:23:50,240
Speaker 3: had a little dip, should we say, And then she

481
00:23:50,320 --> 00:23:53,560
Speaker 3: came back and the interviewer were saying, what's the comeback

482
00:23:53,600 --> 00:23:56,720
Speaker 3: feel like you? Why didn't really go away? Well you

483
00:23:56,840 --> 00:23:59,560
Speaker 3: probably did a little bit, but it's really hard to

484
00:23:59,600 --> 00:24:03,879
Speaker 3: deal with. I blamed everybody but myself when the audiences

485
00:24:03,920 --> 00:24:06,479
Speaker 3: weren't as full as big as they were. Well, they

486
00:24:06,480 --> 00:24:09,280
Speaker 3: didn't advertise it properly. Well, they got the haul wrong,

487
00:24:09,440 --> 00:24:12,480
Speaker 3: I mean anything, but oh my god, things have moved

488
00:24:12,520 --> 00:24:15,840
Speaker 3: on and I haven't moved with them. And then I

489
00:24:15,920 --> 00:24:17,720
Speaker 3: was a dummy. And I think he says in the

490
00:24:17,760 --> 00:24:21,600
Speaker 3: film too, I dropped my wonderful manager and hooked up

491
00:24:21,640 --> 00:24:25,000
Speaker 3: with my cute road manager. Was taking too many drugs

492
00:24:25,040 --> 00:24:25,880
Speaker 3: and was a little stupid.

493
00:24:26,720 --> 00:24:28,240
Speaker 1: Yeah it sounds like an idiot sort of.

494
00:24:28,440 --> 00:24:31,959
Speaker 3: It was the whole thing was idiotic and the bottom

495
00:24:32,000 --> 00:24:36,120
Speaker 3: dropped out. I had no machinery and no decent record company, etc. Etc.

496
00:24:36,440 --> 00:24:38,960
Speaker 3: It took a while for me to realize that's what

497
00:24:39,000 --> 00:24:39,600
Speaker 3: was happening.

498
00:24:40,520 --> 00:24:43,320
Speaker 1: Yeah, And I think for all careers there are dips,

499
00:24:43,320 --> 00:24:46,359
Speaker 1: and you know, there are ebbs and flows also, So

500
00:24:46,640 --> 00:24:50,359
Speaker 1: just because you're out, does it mean you're over, because

501
00:24:50,400 --> 00:24:53,000
Speaker 1: there is a comeback. It's just the recognition of that

502
00:24:53,040 --> 00:24:55,120
Speaker 1: being a comeback for some of the artists is also

503
00:24:55,160 --> 00:24:57,320
Speaker 1: hard to grasp because you had one of your hit

504
00:24:57,400 --> 00:24:58,800
Speaker 1: records after that.

505
00:24:59,080 --> 00:25:02,000
Speaker 3: In the middle of it kind of what was the

506
00:25:02,080 --> 00:25:04,560
Speaker 3: name of that? The song, well, the Diamonds and Rust

507
00:25:04,680 --> 00:25:07,160
Speaker 3: was the one during that time period, and that wasn't

508
00:25:07,280 --> 00:25:09,840
Speaker 3: I mean, I've had only literally three things that ever

509
00:25:10,320 --> 00:25:13,399
Speaker 3: were two things that ever made the quote charts, and

510
00:25:13,440 --> 00:25:17,760
Speaker 3: it was Dixie and Diamonds and Rust. Diamonds, Yeah, Dixie

511
00:25:17,800 --> 00:25:19,680
Speaker 3: had been before, and then it was Diamonds and Rust.

512
00:25:19,960 --> 00:25:24,360
Speaker 3: And then began the Great Desert. You know, beautiful albums

513
00:25:24,440 --> 00:25:26,480
Speaker 3: I made. And then I woke up in the middle

514
00:25:26,480 --> 00:25:30,200
Speaker 3: of the night when I was was completely obscure and thought,

515
00:25:30,560 --> 00:25:34,080
Speaker 3: sat up in bed, I thought, why am I making

516
00:25:34,119 --> 00:25:37,480
Speaker 3: this beautiful, beautiful album? When nobody's gonna hear but my family,

517
00:25:37,960 --> 00:25:41,040
Speaker 3: you know, I mean I was. That's when I realized, Yeah,

518
00:25:41,040 --> 00:25:43,600
Speaker 3: I had to get moving on something. In the hired

519
00:25:43,920 --> 00:25:45,880
Speaker 3: a manager, wonderful manager.

520
00:25:46,160 --> 00:25:48,639
Speaker 1: Yeah. I want to let you know. I was texting

521
00:25:48,640 --> 00:25:51,800
Speaker 1: with my friend Juliana Marguley's yesterday. You know her. She's

522
00:25:51,840 --> 00:25:54,440
Speaker 1: an actress. She was she played the nurse on er.

523
00:25:54,760 --> 00:25:58,080
Speaker 1: She's she's done the good wife anyway. She was like,

524
00:25:58,600 --> 00:26:02,160
Speaker 1: I can't believe you're interviewing bias. She's like, you don't understand.

525
00:26:02,320 --> 00:26:04,439
Speaker 1: She's like, that was the only music I played on

526
00:26:04,520 --> 00:26:07,520
Speaker 1: guitar in college. She's like, I could only play Jones

527
00:26:07,600 --> 00:26:09,200
Speaker 1: songs because I was so obsessed with her.

528
00:26:09,320 --> 00:26:10,720
Speaker 3: So oh, I love hearing it.

529
00:26:10,880 --> 00:26:14,320
Speaker 1: Yeah, of course. And then towards the end of the film,

530
00:26:14,359 --> 00:26:16,800
Speaker 1: you start you kind of reconcile your relationship with your mother,

531
00:26:17,040 --> 00:26:21,199
Speaker 1: your father, your sisters. In a sense. Do you feel

532
00:26:21,280 --> 00:26:25,920
Speaker 1: at peace with the way that all of those relationships? Yeah,

533
00:26:25,920 --> 00:26:26,240
Speaker 1: I did.

534
00:26:26,560 --> 00:26:29,520
Speaker 3: I do. There's a saying I've heard, I'm sure one

535
00:26:29,520 --> 00:26:31,960
Speaker 3: of my Buddhist friends. You can forgive a little bit

536
00:26:32,000 --> 00:26:34,399
Speaker 3: and feel a little bit better, You can forgive a

537
00:26:34,400 --> 00:26:36,960
Speaker 3: lot feel a lot better, or you can forgive everything

538
00:26:37,040 --> 00:26:41,919
Speaker 3: and be free. So it's hard work. And somebody in

539
00:26:41,960 --> 00:26:44,480
Speaker 3: a Q and A once said, well, how do you

540
00:26:44,640 --> 00:26:48,720
Speaker 3: do forgiveness? I mean, it's so difficult. I said, yeah,

541
00:26:48,760 --> 00:26:51,040
Speaker 3: you do it a little bit at a time. You

542
00:26:51,119 --> 00:26:55,119
Speaker 3: don't have to all of a sudden forgive what seems unforgivable.

543
00:26:55,680 --> 00:26:57,720
Speaker 3: You know, you do it a little bit at a time,

544
00:26:57,920 --> 00:26:59,040
Speaker 3: keep plugging away at it.

545
00:26:59,320 --> 00:27:01,480
Speaker 1: And was it was it hard for your son to

546
00:27:01,520 --> 00:27:04,280
Speaker 1: watch that film or to know all of this information.

547
00:27:04,560 --> 00:27:06,440
Speaker 1: Was he privy to this before.

548
00:27:07,000 --> 00:27:10,880
Speaker 3: The Yeah somewhat, but the film still was a shocker

549
00:27:10,920 --> 00:27:15,560
Speaker 3: for anybody in my family or anybody in general. Yeah, yeah,

550
00:27:15,680 --> 00:27:17,919
Speaker 3: I think you know. Yeah, he's seen it on the

551
00:27:17,920 --> 00:27:21,480
Speaker 3: big screen twice and once, you know, on a link

552
00:27:21,560 --> 00:27:23,520
Speaker 3: so he could see whether he wanted to come to

553
00:27:23,560 --> 00:27:26,520
Speaker 3: see the big screen one or not. And he did

554
00:27:26,560 --> 00:27:30,800
Speaker 3: and he appreciates it. And as I say, I appreciate

555
00:27:30,920 --> 00:27:33,800
Speaker 3: his participating in it the way he did, same as

556
00:27:33,800 --> 00:27:35,879
Speaker 3: I do with my sisters. I mean, my older sister

557
00:27:36,160 --> 00:27:38,400
Speaker 3: would never get in front of a camera or talk

558
00:27:38,440 --> 00:27:44,359
Speaker 3: to anybody, but Karen O'Connor, who's the main director, really

559
00:27:44,440 --> 00:27:47,919
Speaker 3: won her confidence. They became friends and Pauline was willing

560
00:27:48,000 --> 00:27:49,119
Speaker 3: to say what she said.

561
00:27:49,359 --> 00:27:50,880
Speaker 1: When you say, you had no control over the film,

562
00:27:50,960 --> 00:27:52,679
Speaker 1: so they just came to you with a concept and

563
00:27:52,720 --> 00:27:55,240
Speaker 1: you didn't have any approval at the end or anything.

564
00:27:55,480 --> 00:27:57,320
Speaker 3: I had no approval and nothing to say to the

565
00:27:57,359 --> 00:28:00,240
Speaker 3: whole thing. That's why I mean, would I say handed

566
00:28:00,280 --> 00:28:02,199
Speaker 3: them the keys and it was the keys of the

567
00:28:02,240 --> 00:28:06,360
Speaker 3: storage room, literally, because if I had tried to have

568
00:28:06,440 --> 00:28:08,480
Speaker 3: some control, which I couldn't anyway, But if I had

569
00:28:08,520 --> 00:28:11,679
Speaker 3: tried to, oh, don't put that, no, I look horrible, now,

570
00:28:11,720 --> 00:28:13,760
Speaker 3: oh can you do this one? It would have been

571
00:28:13,840 --> 00:28:16,760
Speaker 3: impossible to make the film. So I just said go

572
00:28:17,000 --> 00:28:19,760
Speaker 3: with it. And when I see it sometimes I think

573
00:28:20,080 --> 00:28:21,800
Speaker 3: I wish that hadn't been in there, And then I

574
00:28:21,880 --> 00:28:26,199
Speaker 3: realized what a brilliant movie it is, and that was

575
00:28:26,240 --> 00:28:29,480
Speaker 3: a part of that movie. So maybe my ego might

576
00:28:29,480 --> 00:28:31,439
Speaker 3: be a little bruise here and there, but for the

577
00:28:31,440 --> 00:28:35,600
Speaker 3: most part, wrinkles and all I think the film is.

578
00:28:36,119 --> 00:28:37,879
Speaker 1: I think you should cut your slack into the wrinkle

579
00:28:38,040 --> 00:28:40,360
Speaker 1: aspect of things. I think you don't realize how beautiful

580
00:28:40,400 --> 00:28:43,400
Speaker 1: you naturally beautiful you are. You really are. You don't

581
00:28:43,440 --> 00:28:44,960
Speaker 1: look like an old person.

582
00:28:45,120 --> 00:28:47,320
Speaker 3: Thank you. I don't feeling and old.

583
00:28:47,360 --> 00:28:49,440
Speaker 1: Wow, you don't act like one, and you don't seem

584
00:28:49,440 --> 00:28:51,320
Speaker 1: like one, and you could still see the beauty of

585
00:28:51,360 --> 00:28:53,880
Speaker 1: your youth in you today. Thank you, Mike. You were

586
00:28:53,920 --> 00:28:55,520
Speaker 1: gorgeous and you are gorgeous.

587
00:28:55,520 --> 00:28:56,480
Speaker 3: When do I get to come back?

588
00:28:56,520 --> 00:28:57,400
Speaker 1: And here tomorrow?

589
00:28:57,440 --> 00:28:58,720
Speaker 3: You're coming back this week.

590
00:28:58,720 --> 00:29:01,200
Speaker 1: We didn't tell you yet. Where can people watch this film,

591
00:29:01,280 --> 00:29:01,960
Speaker 1: by the way.

592
00:29:02,280 --> 00:29:06,000
Speaker 3: In theater and then it starts streaming on November twenty second,

593
00:29:06,200 --> 00:29:07,960
Speaker 3: Hulu on Hulu.

594
00:29:07,640 --> 00:29:10,200
Speaker 2: Exactly check out Joan Bias I Am a Noise in

595
00:29:10,240 --> 00:29:13,320
Speaker 2: theaters now or on video on demand on November twenty first.

596
00:29:13,440 --> 00:29:15,760
Speaker 1: Okay, let's take a break and we will be right back.

597
00:29:20,080 --> 00:29:21,080
Speaker 1: And we're back.

598
00:29:21,280 --> 00:29:25,280
Speaker 2: We're back. Well, Joan, are you ready to give some advice?

599
00:29:25,360 --> 00:29:28,640
Speaker 1: Oh? Sure, Okay, what a joke? Okay, no, no, what

600
00:29:28,680 --> 00:29:31,480
Speaker 1: are you talking about? So many years on this earth,

601
00:29:31,600 --> 00:29:33,040
Speaker 1: everyone's advice is valuable.

602
00:29:33,200 --> 00:29:35,360
Speaker 3: Okay, they have to they have to believe it, whether

603
00:29:35,400 --> 00:29:37,240
Speaker 3: they believe it or not. So yeah, go ahead.

604
00:29:38,040 --> 00:29:42,040
Speaker 2: Well, our first question comes from Blanca and her question

605
00:29:42,240 --> 00:29:44,280
Speaker 2: is a little delicate, but you know you have been

606
00:29:44,480 --> 00:29:47,000
Speaker 2: so I was spoken about your Mexican American heritage, and

607
00:29:47,080 --> 00:29:48,760
Speaker 2: so I thought this would be a good question for you,

608
00:29:49,640 --> 00:29:52,160
Speaker 2: she says, Dear Chelsea, I've always been a go getter.

609
00:29:52,560 --> 00:29:55,400
Speaker 2: I was born in Venezuela to Spanish parents. I wanted

610
00:29:55,440 --> 00:29:58,080
Speaker 2: to go to university in Spain, and although the process

611
00:29:58,080 --> 00:30:00,000
Speaker 2: and odds seemed to be against me at the time,

612
00:30:00,480 --> 00:30:04,240
Speaker 2: both financially and academically, I did it. I also wanted

613
00:30:04,280 --> 00:30:06,280
Speaker 2: to have my own business in my early twenties, and

614
00:30:06,320 --> 00:30:08,840
Speaker 2: while I failed in many ways, I also succeeded and

615
00:30:08,880 --> 00:30:11,880
Speaker 2: learned a lot from the experience. I moved to England

616
00:30:11,960 --> 00:30:14,320
Speaker 2: nine years ago. I'm in my mid thirties now and

617
00:30:14,400 --> 00:30:17,560
Speaker 2: I love it here. However, professionally it's been really hard.

618
00:30:18,080 --> 00:30:20,040
Speaker 2: No matter how hard I work or how many great

619
00:30:20,040 --> 00:30:22,440
Speaker 2: results I achieve, I have to fight really hard for

620
00:30:22,480 --> 00:30:25,760
Speaker 2: the bare minimum. I've had to work double hours compared

621
00:30:25,760 --> 00:30:28,520
Speaker 2: to everyone else and show real results in all my jobs,

622
00:30:28,520 --> 00:30:31,920
Speaker 2: thinking it would bring positive outcomes, but instead I've received

623
00:30:31,920 --> 00:30:34,640
Speaker 2: a lot of hate in return, especially from my direct manager.

624
00:30:35,120 --> 00:30:38,240
Speaker 2: Once at a large corporation, the HR director told me directly,

625
00:30:38,720 --> 00:30:40,920
Speaker 2: you have come in and done a great job very quickly,

626
00:30:40,960 --> 00:30:44,080
Speaker 2: and have angered a lot of white men. I'm not paraphrasing.

627
00:30:44,240 --> 00:30:47,600
Speaker 2: Those were his exact words. The cycle has repeated in

628
00:30:47,640 --> 00:30:50,320
Speaker 2: different forms throughout the years. On the face of it,

629
00:30:50,360 --> 00:30:52,479
Speaker 2: I have continued to push through and not given up

630
00:30:52,480 --> 00:30:54,800
Speaker 2: on my dream to have a career I love. I

631
00:30:54,840 --> 00:30:57,120
Speaker 2: have also taken the hardship as an opportunity to work

632
00:30:57,160 --> 00:30:59,440
Speaker 2: on myself and be the kind of manager I never had,

633
00:30:59,480 --> 00:31:02,920
Speaker 2: which has been very rewarding. So here's the issue. I

634
00:31:03,000 --> 00:31:04,800
Speaker 2: left a job and a team I loved three months

635
00:31:04,800 --> 00:31:08,280
Speaker 2: ago because of the same circumstances repeating. Unlike other times,

636
00:31:08,320 --> 00:31:11,080
Speaker 2: I find myself deeply sad and my confidence has taken

637
00:31:11,120 --> 00:31:13,600
Speaker 2: a big hit. During job interviews, I seem to have

638
00:31:13,640 --> 00:31:15,960
Speaker 2: lost my confidence and I can't sell myself or the

639
00:31:16,000 --> 00:31:18,520
Speaker 2: great work I've done. I'm not sure if I'm being

640
00:31:18,600 --> 00:31:20,600
Speaker 2: realistic about the dream of having a career or if

641
00:31:20,600 --> 00:31:22,320
Speaker 2: I'm just part of a system that wants to see

642
00:31:22,360 --> 00:31:24,560
Speaker 2: my potential die. I don't want to give up, but

643
00:31:24,600 --> 00:31:26,920
Speaker 2: I'm out of ideas as to what's best to do next.

644
00:31:27,120 --> 00:31:29,840
Speaker 2: What should I do? Thanks for creating this space, Blanca.

645
00:31:30,520 --> 00:31:34,120
Speaker 3: Oh gosh, tough one.

646
00:31:34,200 --> 00:31:35,120
Speaker 2: It's a tough one.

647
00:31:35,320 --> 00:31:39,200
Speaker 1: I know. I would definitely say never to give up

648
00:31:39,480 --> 00:31:42,240
Speaker 1: on what you are passionate about. Because of a bunch

649
00:31:42,240 --> 00:31:44,080
Speaker 1: of white men telling you that you can't do it.

650
00:31:44,440 --> 00:31:47,160
Speaker 1: But Joan, let me. I'll let you speak a little

651
00:31:47,160 --> 00:31:49,920
Speaker 1: bit about your own experience or your thoughts on this matter.

652
00:31:50,320 --> 00:31:52,720
Speaker 3: What's standing out to me is some old white men,

653
00:31:53,240 --> 00:31:58,360
Speaker 3: because it really is a symbol of the fascism that's

654
00:31:58,760 --> 00:32:02,240
Speaker 3: traveling around the world. I have a friend, an Italian friend.

655
00:32:02,920 --> 00:32:05,040
Speaker 3: He's in his nineties now, but I remember him telling

656
00:32:05,080 --> 00:32:07,000
Speaker 3: me stories about when he was a kid and he

657
00:32:07,080 --> 00:32:10,000
Speaker 3: woke up with the sound of tanks running through, you know,

658
00:32:10,600 --> 00:32:14,120
Speaker 3: running through his block where he lived. When I called

659
00:32:14,720 --> 00:32:17,040
Speaker 3: now a half a year ago, a year ago, I said,

660
00:32:17,080 --> 00:32:19,240
Speaker 3: how are you? He said, Oh, he's the Interday's thing.

661
00:32:19,280 --> 00:32:22,320
Speaker 3: I was born in fascis, I will die in fascis,

662
00:32:23,720 --> 00:32:26,360
Speaker 3: and it's coming, and it's here. It's hard for us

663
00:32:26,400 --> 00:32:29,240
Speaker 3: to admit that or see it. So it's going to

664
00:32:29,240 --> 00:32:33,040
Speaker 3: be a struggle for everybody. And I, you know, I

665
00:32:33,080 --> 00:32:35,720
Speaker 3: don't know how to give advice from from here my

666
00:32:35,840 --> 00:32:40,800
Speaker 3: privileged position, except that somehow all of us will need

667
00:32:40,840 --> 00:32:44,920
Speaker 3: to hang on to decency, so, you know, try to

668
00:32:44,960 --> 00:32:48,960
Speaker 3: promote just human decency with each other. Would be different

669
00:32:49,120 --> 00:32:51,680
Speaker 3: years ago, I would have said, you know, link arms

670
00:32:51,680 --> 00:32:55,400
Speaker 3: we shall overcome. Let's go march and right now the

671
00:32:55,440 --> 00:32:58,800
Speaker 3: odds are so huge that you somehow have to find

672
00:32:58,800 --> 00:33:00,600
Speaker 3: your I mean, what do we with that you said,

673
00:33:00,640 --> 00:33:03,640
Speaker 3: don't give up your passion. You have to find something

674
00:33:04,120 --> 00:33:07,240
Speaker 3: that you really believe in, and I just suggest that'd

675
00:33:07,280 --> 00:33:11,120
Speaker 3: be something that benefit other people as well as yourself.

676
00:33:11,960 --> 00:33:14,120
Speaker 2: Is there anything that either of you would say to

677
00:33:14,240 --> 00:33:17,800
Speaker 2: help her sort of reading her confidence? I mean, in

678
00:33:17,800 --> 00:33:21,160
Speaker 2: my mind, I'm like, tell your future employers this that

679
00:33:21,200 --> 00:33:23,760
Speaker 2: you've had to work twice as hard, you know, talk

680
00:33:23,800 --> 00:33:26,239
Speaker 2: about the extra steps you've taken to make sure that

681
00:33:26,280 --> 00:33:28,200
Speaker 2: you shine in your roles. But is there anything that

682
00:33:28,240 --> 00:33:31,120
Speaker 2: you would say to the confidence aspect and like helping

683
00:33:31,160 --> 00:33:33,160
Speaker 2: her pick herself emotionally off the ground.

684
00:33:34,640 --> 00:33:39,040
Speaker 1: I think letting other people deteriorate your confidence is exactly

685
00:33:39,040 --> 00:33:42,200
Speaker 1: what they want. You know, people when they tear you

686
00:33:42,280 --> 00:33:44,320
Speaker 1: down or they don't, you know, want to acknowledge your

687
00:33:44,320 --> 00:33:47,080
Speaker 1: good work, it is because they want you to think

688
00:33:47,160 --> 00:33:49,480
Speaker 1: less of yourself because they also think less of you,

689
00:33:49,560 --> 00:33:51,920
Speaker 1: and they want to impress their opinion on you. So

690
00:33:52,760 --> 00:33:55,120
Speaker 1: allowing that to happen is letting them win. I know,

691
00:33:55,200 --> 00:33:58,360
Speaker 1: it's not a choice. You're not choosing to lose your confidence,

692
00:33:58,440 --> 00:34:01,280
Speaker 1: but you're allowing them to ship away at your confidence.

693
00:34:01,760 --> 00:34:05,240
Speaker 1: And I think you have to do some inside work,

694
00:34:05,720 --> 00:34:08,320
Speaker 1: whether it be mantras to yourself, whether it be journaling

695
00:34:08,360 --> 00:34:11,240
Speaker 1: every day to reclaim your value.

696
00:34:10,960 --> 00:34:14,360
Speaker 3: And find people who of like mind and that's who's

697
00:34:14,480 --> 00:34:18,640
Speaker 3: really important. Maybe she has that, but to have people

698
00:34:18,680 --> 00:34:21,600
Speaker 3: who support you is absolutely essential. Maybe not that easy

699
00:34:21,640 --> 00:34:25,080
Speaker 3: to find, but they're there. If you're there with your struggles,

700
00:34:25,080 --> 00:34:28,520
Speaker 3: there's somebody else who's there as will. And the power

701
00:34:28,560 --> 00:34:32,399
Speaker 3: begins to come when you have each other. It makes

702
00:34:32,440 --> 00:34:35,120
Speaker 3: it easier to speak out, makes it easier to have courage,

703
00:34:35,200 --> 00:34:36,200
Speaker 3: find three people.

704
00:34:37,080 --> 00:34:40,960
Speaker 1: Yeah, men can be very insecure about their own standing

705
00:34:41,040 --> 00:34:43,560
Speaker 1: and they can be very intimidated by women who have

706
00:34:43,640 --> 00:34:46,560
Speaker 1: something to offer because it means we don't need anything

707
00:34:46,560 --> 00:34:49,440
Speaker 1: from them, you know what I mean, that's their insecurity.

708
00:34:49,800 --> 00:34:49,960
Speaker 3: You know.

709
00:34:50,040 --> 00:34:52,279
Speaker 1: I've been told, well, just play into it, work it,

710
00:34:52,440 --> 00:34:54,719
Speaker 1: work it. I'm not really in a position that I

711
00:34:54,760 --> 00:34:57,000
Speaker 1: need to work it or play into any of that bullshit,

712
00:34:57,360 --> 00:35:00,920
Speaker 1: you know, And I'm lucky because sure that you are

713
00:35:01,280 --> 00:35:03,560
Speaker 1: not in the same position, because you do need to work,

714
00:35:03,600 --> 00:35:06,160
Speaker 1: you need to take these job opportunities. But I just

715
00:35:06,200 --> 00:35:10,280
Speaker 1: want you to know it's men. It's not only because

716
00:35:10,320 --> 00:35:12,480
Speaker 1: you're a woman of color. Men are scared of women

717
00:35:12,520 --> 00:35:14,400
Speaker 1: that are strong, and men are scared of women that

718
00:35:14,440 --> 00:35:17,200
Speaker 1: are capable. So I hope you can take some solace

719
00:35:17,239 --> 00:35:20,360
Speaker 1: in knowing that that happens to people in different positions

720
00:35:20,920 --> 00:35:24,840
Speaker 1: and you're not alone, and it's up to you to

721
00:35:24,880 --> 00:35:27,719
Speaker 1: instill in yourself the confidence and not let people chip

722
00:35:27,760 --> 00:35:31,040
Speaker 1: away at that. And I promise you like the power

723
00:35:31,160 --> 00:35:34,560
Speaker 1: of positive thinking, the power of positive mantras, the power

724
00:35:34,600 --> 00:35:38,440
Speaker 1: of meditation, and positive just feeding yourself in a positive

725
00:35:38,480 --> 00:35:41,160
Speaker 1: loop of like value of what your value is, all

726
00:35:41,160 --> 00:35:43,239
Speaker 1: the things you're good at, you know, waking up and

727
00:35:43,280 --> 00:35:46,120
Speaker 1: telling yourself this is what this is what I'm great at,

728
00:35:46,120 --> 00:35:48,880
Speaker 1: and naming ten things and just kind of building your

729
00:35:48,880 --> 00:35:53,440
Speaker 1: confidence back up so that their slaps and strikes against

730
00:35:53,480 --> 00:35:55,240
Speaker 1: you don't knock you over.

731
00:35:55,760 --> 00:35:56,000
Speaker 4: You know.

732
00:35:56,200 --> 00:35:59,120
Speaker 1: It just kind of becomes like a breeze that blows

733
00:35:59,200 --> 00:36:01,840
Speaker 1: right past you. And it's easier said than done, but

734
00:36:01,880 --> 00:36:04,040
Speaker 1: it's definitely doable. So that's what I have to say

735
00:36:04,080 --> 00:36:04,279
Speaker 1: on it.

736
00:36:04,280 --> 00:36:06,520
Speaker 3: And I'm thinking of a friend of mine who wanted

737
00:36:06,560 --> 00:36:09,319
Speaker 3: people of like mind to be part of his life.

738
00:36:09,480 --> 00:36:13,680
Speaker 3: New apartment after a few weeks not really making any friends,

739
00:36:13,680 --> 00:36:15,600
Speaker 3: put a signed up saying I will be meditating at

740
00:36:15,640 --> 00:36:18,960
Speaker 3: eight o'clock in the morning. Here's the place, join me

741
00:36:19,000 --> 00:36:20,840
Speaker 3: if you feel like it. And it took a while

742
00:36:20,960 --> 00:36:23,040
Speaker 3: and then pretty soon there was a group of people

743
00:36:23,400 --> 00:36:25,879
Speaker 3: who really were comfortable with each other and they spent

744
00:36:26,360 --> 00:36:29,520
Speaker 3: half an hour hour in silence. I don't know how

745
00:36:29,520 --> 00:36:34,080
Speaker 3: many days a week, but really important bonds that way.

746
00:36:34,280 --> 00:36:37,880
Speaker 1: Community building, Yeah, yeah, you have to create a scene

747
00:36:38,120 --> 00:36:40,000
Speaker 1: that is safe for you. It's funny. I was talking

748
00:36:40,040 --> 00:36:41,800
Speaker 1: to Brandy Carlisle the other day. We're at the Angel

749
00:36:41,840 --> 00:36:44,279
Speaker 1: City game, the soccer game, and she was talking about

750
00:36:44,320 --> 00:36:47,040
Speaker 1: creating a music scene because she said where there was

751
00:36:47,080 --> 00:36:49,720
Speaker 1: no scene when she came up, she needed a scene.

752
00:36:49,760 --> 00:36:50,719
Speaker 3: Like she's made a scene.

753
00:36:50,840 --> 00:36:53,560
Speaker 1: Yeah, she's made exactly, she created a scene. And it's like,

754
00:36:53,760 --> 00:36:56,600
Speaker 1: I think that can apply to community as well. You

755
00:36:56,640 --> 00:36:59,239
Speaker 1: create your community. You know, there are ways, like I

756
00:36:59,280 --> 00:37:02,000
Speaker 1: love what you just I don't know if this woman

757
00:37:02,200 --> 00:37:04,759
Speaker 1: is a meditator or anything like that, but there are

758
00:37:04,960 --> 00:37:08,160
Speaker 1: ways to find solace within all of the chaos. And

759
00:37:08,480 --> 00:37:11,719
Speaker 1: you're definitely not alone in the chaos. So anyway you

760
00:37:11,760 --> 00:37:14,040
Speaker 1: can community build create a scene for yourself that is

761
00:37:14,080 --> 00:37:17,880
Speaker 1: a safe space that refortifies you right and kind of

762
00:37:17,920 --> 00:37:21,360
Speaker 1: rebuilds your self esteem, et cetera. And it still is

763
00:37:21,360 --> 00:37:22,799
Speaker 1: a calmness within all of this.

764
00:37:23,080 --> 00:37:31,280
Speaker 2: Yeah, yeah, well keep us post to Blanca. Our next

765
00:37:31,480 --> 00:37:33,479
Speaker 2: question comes from Calli and she's going to be joining

766
00:37:33,520 --> 00:37:34,439
Speaker 2: us on the zoom here.

767
00:37:34,520 --> 00:37:36,399
Speaker 1: So, okay, this is a live caller, Joan, you better

768
00:37:36,440 --> 00:37:37,520
Speaker 1: get ready.

769
00:37:36,960 --> 00:37:41,040
Speaker 3: Okay, I'm ready. I'm live too.

770
00:37:41,480 --> 00:37:45,279
Speaker 2: Amazing, so Cally says. I'm a twenty four year old

771
00:37:45,320 --> 00:37:48,000
Speaker 2: living in North Carolina with my fiance. I came out

772
00:37:48,000 --> 00:37:50,560
Speaker 2: as bisexual a few years ago when I met my fiance,

773
00:37:50,800 --> 00:37:52,520
Speaker 2: and she has been the greatest thing to happen in

774
00:37:52,560 --> 00:37:55,120
Speaker 2: my life. However, while my mom has been one hundred

775
00:37:55,120 --> 00:37:58,760
Speaker 2: percent support of the relationship, my extended family have always

776
00:37:58,760 --> 00:38:02,120
Speaker 2: been a little shady. They're devout Christians, the kind that

777
00:38:02,120 --> 00:38:04,719
Speaker 2: believed that same sex marriage as a sin. However, when

778
00:38:04,719 --> 00:38:07,920
Speaker 2: they met my fiance, they said they loved her, were welcoming,

779
00:38:08,040 --> 00:38:10,280
Speaker 2: and I thought maybe they were conflicted with the subject

780
00:38:10,440 --> 00:38:12,640
Speaker 2: in their religion. They led me to believe they'd be

781
00:38:12,640 --> 00:38:16,040
Speaker 2: coming to our wedding next fall. Recently, my cousin got

782
00:38:16,040 --> 00:38:19,040
Speaker 2: engaged and fast tracked her engagement by getting married this

783
00:38:19,160 --> 00:38:22,279
Speaker 2: fall well. I accepted my cousin's invitation and a few

784
00:38:22,360 --> 00:38:24,319
Speaker 2: days later checked in with my family to see if

785
00:38:24,320 --> 00:38:26,759
Speaker 2: they'd be coming to my wedding. The worst forty eight

786
00:38:26,800 --> 00:38:29,160
Speaker 2: hours of my life began. One of the messages that

787
00:38:29,200 --> 00:38:30,960
Speaker 2: came in said they wouldn't be able to come, but

788
00:38:31,040 --> 00:38:34,960
Speaker 2: send their quote best wishes. I wrestled with the decision

789
00:38:35,000 --> 00:38:36,880
Speaker 2: of whether to back out of my cousin's wedding and

790
00:38:36,960 --> 00:38:38,799
Speaker 2: ended up deciding to go be a part of it.

791
00:38:39,080 --> 00:38:40,560
Speaker 2: I felt I was no better than my aunts and

792
00:38:40,640 --> 00:38:42,360
Speaker 2: uncles if I didn't go, and I'd be putting the

793
00:38:42,400 --> 00:38:44,680
Speaker 2: same negative energy out into the world that they were

794
00:38:45,200 --> 00:38:47,759
Speaker 2: moving forward. I don't know the relationship I want to

795
00:38:47,760 --> 00:38:50,120
Speaker 2: have with my family. I was extremely close with them

796
00:38:50,160 --> 00:38:52,040
Speaker 2: growing up, and it feels like the people I once

797
00:38:52,120 --> 00:38:54,759
Speaker 2: knew are gone. Am I ridiculous for thinking I can

798
00:38:54,800 --> 00:38:57,480
Speaker 2: hold out in hopes they realize the mistakes they've made?

799
00:38:57,680 --> 00:39:00,000
Speaker 2: Or should I save myself more grief by cutting tie?

800
00:39:00,239 --> 00:39:00,479
Speaker 3: Now?

801
00:39:00,640 --> 00:39:05,600
Speaker 1: Callie, Hi, Kelly, Hey, this is Joan Bias, our special

802
00:39:05,600 --> 00:39:06,920
Speaker 1: guest today, Lucky you.

803
00:39:08,000 --> 00:39:09,239
Speaker 5: It's great to meet all of you.

804
00:39:09,560 --> 00:39:10,560
Speaker 3: It's nice to meet you.

805
00:39:10,640 --> 00:39:13,600
Speaker 1: Sweet, nice to meet you too. First of all, sorry

806
00:39:13,600 --> 00:39:16,120
Speaker 1: you're going through this. I'm so fucking over religion. I

807
00:39:16,160 --> 00:39:19,120
Speaker 1: really wish everyone would just stop it. I mean, it

808
00:39:19,239 --> 00:39:23,280
Speaker 1: is just the basis of all discrimination and war and wreckage.

809
00:39:23,440 --> 00:39:27,120
Speaker 1: So that's annoying. We get calls like this a lot

810
00:39:27,160 --> 00:39:30,359
Speaker 1: from people calling in with families I can't accept their

811
00:39:30,480 --> 00:39:34,160
Speaker 1: children's relationships. And I don't know, Joan, you have more

812
00:39:34,160 --> 00:39:37,759
Speaker 1: life experience, so I'll let you speak, obviously, but I

813
00:39:37,840 --> 00:39:40,400
Speaker 1: just want to say I don't think there's any time

814
00:39:41,040 --> 00:39:44,239
Speaker 1: to waste in having people in your life that don't

815
00:39:44,239 --> 00:39:46,279
Speaker 1: support you and love you like I just don't think

816
00:39:46,320 --> 00:39:50,120
Speaker 1: it's worthwhile. And I know people feel differently about family members.

817
00:39:50,440 --> 00:39:53,360
Speaker 1: I feel very vehemently that you should only be surrounding

818
00:39:53,360 --> 00:39:55,160
Speaker 1: yourself with people that love and respect you. And I

819
00:39:55,200 --> 00:39:57,839
Speaker 1: totally agree with you going to your cousin's wedding because

820
00:39:57,840 --> 00:40:00,319
Speaker 1: it's just another chance to demonstrate what they're missing out

821
00:40:00,360 --> 00:40:01,799
Speaker 1: on when they don't want to celebrate you.

822
00:40:02,920 --> 00:40:05,360
Speaker 4: Yeah, exactly, that's kind of I mean, that's part of

823
00:40:05,400 --> 00:40:07,480
Speaker 4: the reason why I went. I wanted to see my

824
00:40:07,520 --> 00:40:10,400
Speaker 4: family that was supportive. I just wanted a chance to

825
00:40:10,440 --> 00:40:12,359
Speaker 4: be with them, and then I was also like, if

826
00:40:12,400 --> 00:40:15,080
Speaker 4: I'm not going, I'm just putting that same negative energy

827
00:40:15,239 --> 00:40:17,799
Speaker 4: out into this world. And I didn't want her to

828
00:40:17,800 --> 00:40:20,520
Speaker 4: feel the way that I felt when I showed up that.

829
00:40:20,520 --> 00:40:21,200
Speaker 5: Day at the wedding.

830
00:40:21,320 --> 00:40:22,920
Speaker 4: I didn't know how she would feel if I didn't

831
00:40:22,920 --> 00:40:24,200
Speaker 4: show up, and I just didn't want her to go

832
00:40:24,239 --> 00:40:26,839
Speaker 4: through that same pain that I was. And so I

833
00:40:26,880 --> 00:40:29,640
Speaker 4: am happy that I went, but it was definitely difficult,

834
00:40:29,880 --> 00:40:31,680
Speaker 4: especially to look some of them in the eye and

835
00:40:31,920 --> 00:40:34,920
Speaker 4: act I guess civil I don't know, like everything was okay.

836
00:40:35,280 --> 00:40:37,360
Speaker 4: It's really hard to do that when it's your identity

837
00:40:37,400 --> 00:40:37,879
Speaker 4: that they want.

838
00:40:37,880 --> 00:40:41,400
Speaker 1: A question and how did you feel after that wedding?

839
00:40:41,440 --> 00:40:44,840
Speaker 1: Did you feel good about yourself and good about those interactions?

840
00:40:44,840 --> 00:40:46,160
Speaker 1: Like how did it make you feel?

841
00:40:47,000 --> 00:40:48,640
Speaker 5: I felt strong when I left.

842
00:40:48,960 --> 00:40:51,839
Speaker 4: I think I was proud of myself for putting up

843
00:40:52,040 --> 00:40:54,319
Speaker 4: sort of with those that I know weren't supportive of me,

844
00:40:54,840 --> 00:40:57,200
Speaker 4: just to see those that were because I had a

845
00:40:57,200 --> 00:40:59,080
Speaker 4: good time with them. I got to spend some time

846
00:40:59,120 --> 00:41:01,120
Speaker 4: with my little cousin and that really meant a lot

847
00:41:01,160 --> 00:41:04,440
Speaker 4: to me. So when I walked away, I felt strong.

848
00:41:04,640 --> 00:41:07,160
Speaker 4: But I'll be honest, the minute I got away from them,

849
00:41:07,200 --> 00:41:09,800
Speaker 4: I started to cry. I think it was just that

850
00:41:09,920 --> 00:41:13,520
Speaker 4: acceptance of I'm never going to have that feeling, that

851
00:41:13,640 --> 00:41:15,640
Speaker 4: comfortable feeling with my family again.

852
00:41:15,880 --> 00:41:16,960
Speaker 5: That is gone.

853
00:41:17,080 --> 00:41:20,200
Speaker 4: And I think that's why I was questioning should I

854
00:41:20,239 --> 00:41:22,160
Speaker 4: still try to reach out to them? Should I still

855
00:41:22,200 --> 00:41:24,000
Speaker 4: try to have a relationship, because I think for me

856
00:41:24,080 --> 00:41:25,600
Speaker 4: it's forever that feeling is going.

857
00:41:25,520 --> 00:41:26,000
Speaker 5: To be gone.

858
00:41:26,800 --> 00:41:30,560
Speaker 3: I think I go directly to Dan Savage, which is

859
00:41:30,880 --> 00:41:34,040
Speaker 3: they may come around. They may come around when you

860
00:41:34,160 --> 00:41:36,759
Speaker 3: least expect it. And I think you've done absolutely the

861
00:41:36,800 --> 00:41:39,520
Speaker 3: right thing because all you can do is have your

862
00:41:39,520 --> 00:41:43,680
Speaker 3: own empathy for them, which you've shown, and they will

863
00:41:43,760 --> 00:41:46,480
Speaker 3: learn something from that, even if they even if it's

864
00:41:46,480 --> 00:41:49,640
Speaker 3: not conscious at the moment. And I think giving it

865
00:41:49,719 --> 00:41:54,120
Speaker 3: some time is also important. And it's really frustrating because

866
00:41:54,120 --> 00:41:56,600
Speaker 3: you want it to be okay now, But I think

867
00:41:56,680 --> 00:41:58,120
Speaker 3: you are doing absolutely the right thing.

868
00:41:59,080 --> 00:42:00,000
Speaker 5: Thank you.

869
00:42:00,120 --> 00:42:00,319
Speaker 1: Yeah.

870
00:42:00,360 --> 00:42:03,560
Speaker 4: I think I wonder in the future down the road,

871
00:42:03,600 --> 00:42:05,880
Speaker 4: will they regret not getting to come to my wedding,

872
00:42:06,120 --> 00:42:07,160
Speaker 4: like making that decision.

873
00:42:07,239 --> 00:42:11,080
Speaker 5: Will they regret it? I don't know, maybe, but.

874
00:42:11,120 --> 00:42:14,799
Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, I think that's something that we all wrestle with,

875
00:42:14,920 --> 00:42:17,080
Speaker 1: you know, when people kind of reject us, it's like

876
00:42:17,120 --> 00:42:19,560
Speaker 1: a breakup, you know, are you going to regret leaving me?

877
00:42:20,200 --> 00:42:23,680
Speaker 1: And hopefully they will, Hopefully they'll come to their senses

878
00:42:23,719 --> 00:42:26,080
Speaker 1: at some point and feel like it feel how silly

879
00:42:26,120 --> 00:42:28,760
Speaker 1: this is. I mean at this point in the world.

880
00:42:28,920 --> 00:42:31,359
Speaker 1: I mean, to honestly not be accepting of gay people

881
00:42:31,480 --> 00:42:34,440
Speaker 1: is absolutely ridiculous, you know, And to hide under the

882
00:42:34,560 --> 00:42:38,640
Speaker 1: umbrella of religion for that with your own daughter is ridiculous.

883
00:42:39,200 --> 00:42:43,240
Speaker 1: So that's not what love is. And I don't think

884
00:42:43,840 --> 00:42:45,880
Speaker 1: as much as you're going to wonder or hope for

885
00:42:45,960 --> 00:42:49,479
Speaker 1: their regret. It's all about you holding your head up high.

886
00:42:49,560 --> 00:42:51,680
Speaker 1: Going to your cousin's wedding. Was you holding your head

887
00:42:51,719 --> 00:42:53,799
Speaker 1: up high? You should be proud of that. And then

888
00:42:53,840 --> 00:42:56,120
Speaker 1: you note what it made you feel like when you left.

889
00:42:56,320 --> 00:42:58,600
Speaker 1: If you felt like shit when you left, which you did,

890
00:42:58,640 --> 00:43:02,440
Speaker 1: then that's you and your brain telling you that's not

891
00:43:02,520 --> 00:43:05,120
Speaker 1: good enough for me. You're operating at this level. They're

892
00:43:05,239 --> 00:43:06,880
Speaker 1: still down here. If they want to come up to

893
00:43:06,880 --> 00:43:09,160
Speaker 1: your level, they can come any time, but they have

894
00:43:09,280 --> 00:43:13,000
Speaker 1: to accept you and your partner. And that's just it,

895
00:43:13,120 --> 00:43:15,160
Speaker 1: And it doesn't have to be mean in the way

896
00:43:15,200 --> 00:43:17,680
Speaker 1: you say it or it doesn't have to be heavy handed.

897
00:43:17,719 --> 00:43:19,800
Speaker 1: It's just like, that's the reality. This is the person

898
00:43:19,800 --> 00:43:21,279
Speaker 1: that I love, and this is who I'm choosing to

899
00:43:21,280 --> 00:43:23,480
Speaker 1: spend my life with. And if you can respect us

900
00:43:23,520 --> 00:43:26,920
Speaker 1: and show us both respect and love, great. I'm happy

901
00:43:26,920 --> 00:43:29,879
Speaker 1: to see you guys anytime, but until then, I don't

902
00:43:29,920 --> 00:43:30,720
Speaker 1: need you in my life.

903
00:43:30,760 --> 00:43:32,280
Speaker 3: Boundaries, boundaries, boundaries.

904
00:43:32,560 --> 00:43:35,719
Speaker 2: Yeah, And Chelsea talks a lot about sending people love,

905
00:43:35,840 --> 00:43:37,680
Speaker 2: and I think this is maybe one of the only

906
00:43:37,719 --> 00:43:39,880
Speaker 2: things you can do in this situation, because you don't

907
00:43:39,880 --> 00:43:42,279
Speaker 2: know if and when one or more of them might

908
00:43:42,400 --> 00:43:45,200
Speaker 2: quote unquote change their minds and talk to you about like, wow,

909
00:43:45,239 --> 00:43:47,359
Speaker 2: I can't believe I did that to you back then.

910
00:43:47,640 --> 00:43:50,319
Speaker 2: It may never happen, but like it also very well may.

911
00:43:50,760 --> 00:43:53,719
Speaker 2: And I think until then, you know, you can send

912
00:43:53,719 --> 00:43:57,160
Speaker 2: them love, but you can't stake your own self confidence

913
00:43:57,200 --> 00:43:59,319
Speaker 2: on it. And I don't think that you are right.

914
00:43:59,400 --> 00:43:59,919
Speaker 3: I don't neither.

915
00:44:01,000 --> 00:44:03,000
Speaker 1: Yeah, And I think you know you could look at

916
00:44:03,000 --> 00:44:05,319
Speaker 1: it this way. Once you remove your family, you have

917
00:44:05,360 --> 00:44:08,440
Speaker 1: so much room for other people. You can make a

918
00:44:08,480 --> 00:44:11,720
Speaker 1: whole new family, you know what I mean. Your bandwidth

919
00:44:11,800 --> 00:44:14,080
Speaker 1: becomes bigger because you have more room in your life,

920
00:44:14,160 --> 00:44:16,319
Speaker 1: so you could think about it that way as an expansion.

921
00:44:16,840 --> 00:44:19,320
Speaker 2: And how is your fiance's family. Are they all accepting

922
00:44:19,320 --> 00:44:19,800
Speaker 2: and loving?

923
00:44:20,600 --> 00:44:23,799
Speaker 4: Yeah, they're all accepting, loving, They're all already intending to

924
00:44:23,800 --> 00:44:26,480
Speaker 4: come to the wedding. And so it was a shock

925
00:44:26,600 --> 00:44:29,280
Speaker 4: for me when we received the messages from my family

926
00:44:29,280 --> 00:44:30,680
Speaker 4: that they wouldn't be attending.

927
00:44:30,400 --> 00:44:32,520
Speaker 5: Due to religious reasons. But it was also a shock

928
00:44:32,600 --> 00:44:32,920
Speaker 5: for her.

929
00:44:33,080 --> 00:44:36,520
Speaker 4: I think I was surprised by how much it affected her,

930
00:44:37,080 --> 00:44:38,920
Speaker 4: but I know it's because we're in this together and

931
00:44:38,960 --> 00:44:41,799
Speaker 4: that was meant to be her family soon and just

932
00:44:41,880 --> 00:44:42,719
Speaker 4: so she felt.

933
00:44:42,480 --> 00:44:44,440
Speaker 5: That real same rejection that I felt.

934
00:44:44,480 --> 00:44:46,680
Speaker 4: But you guys were making the point about keeping that

935
00:44:46,719 --> 00:44:49,160
Speaker 4: door open, and that's I think what I was intending

936
00:44:49,160 --> 00:44:51,799
Speaker 4: to do by going to the wedding is I had

937
00:44:51,800 --> 00:44:55,880
Speaker 4: friends in the past who, also because of religion, didn't

938
00:44:56,040 --> 00:44:59,280
Speaker 4: believe that my identity was okay or my relationship was okay.

939
00:44:59,440 --> 00:45:02,000
Speaker 4: And so I've had practice with understanding how do you

940
00:45:02,080 --> 00:45:04,920
Speaker 4: keep a door open but protect yourself, And so I

941
00:45:04,920 --> 00:45:06,480
Speaker 4: feel like that's what I was just trying to do

942
00:45:06,560 --> 00:45:09,520
Speaker 4: here with going to the wedding, but also setting those boundaries,

943
00:45:09,560 --> 00:45:11,280
Speaker 4: like you said, give.

944
00:45:11,040 --> 00:45:13,239
Speaker 2: More time to your fiance's family and the people who

945
00:45:13,280 --> 00:45:15,320
Speaker 2: love and support you, because that's where your strength is

946
00:45:15,360 --> 00:45:16,280
Speaker 2: going to come from.

947
00:45:16,719 --> 00:45:18,520
Speaker 4: Yeah. Just trying to fill my life with the people

948
00:45:18,520 --> 00:45:21,000
Speaker 4: that are going to respect me and my relationship.

949
00:45:21,440 --> 00:45:23,759
Speaker 2: Yeah, all right, thank you, Kelly.

950
00:45:23,680 --> 00:45:26,320
Speaker 1: Thank you, and I have a great wedding, Kelly. Lots

951
00:45:26,320 --> 00:45:27,239
Speaker 1: of love and support.

952
00:45:27,480 --> 00:45:28,319
Speaker 5: Thank you so much.

953
00:45:28,400 --> 00:45:28,760
Speaker 3: Guys.

954
00:45:29,440 --> 00:45:34,239
Speaker 1: Yeah, bye bye. I always wonder it's so crazy to

955
00:45:34,280 --> 00:45:37,920
Speaker 1: me that you could be a mother and just discount

956
00:45:37,960 --> 00:45:41,359
Speaker 1: your child based on who they're attracted to. Like, how

957
00:45:41,480 --> 00:45:45,600
Speaker 1: lame is that because of some what? Because God is

958
00:45:45,640 --> 00:45:48,120
Speaker 1: telling you in a book that somebody made up? I mean,

959
00:45:48,239 --> 00:45:49,280
Speaker 1: it's so stupid.

960
00:45:50,120 --> 00:45:52,800
Speaker 2: Yeah, it wasn't. What Jesus said was love one another.

961
00:45:53,040 --> 00:45:54,560
Speaker 2: I mean it's pretty basic.

962
00:45:54,920 --> 00:45:55,280
Speaker 1: Yeah.

963
00:45:55,360 --> 00:45:55,600
Speaker 2: Yeah.

964
00:45:55,640 --> 00:45:58,239
Speaker 3: And you don't know what turmoil they're in, right, because

965
00:45:58,280 --> 00:46:00,680
Speaker 3: they must be some kind oft in there.

966
00:46:00,840 --> 00:46:07,080
Speaker 1: It's like a perpetual intergenerational traumatization. You know, everyone is

967
00:46:07,120 --> 00:46:10,839
Speaker 1: so traumatized, and everyone's just got this narrative in their

968
00:46:10,880 --> 00:46:13,560
Speaker 1: head that they keep perpetuating and perpetuating, and then with

969
00:46:13,600 --> 00:46:16,759
Speaker 1: the cycle breaks, everyone's like wait, what, no, no, no,

970
00:46:16,760 --> 00:46:18,640
Speaker 1: we're not doing that. It's like they'd rather be in

971
00:46:18,680 --> 00:46:20,160
Speaker 1: the cycle of drama.

972
00:46:20,120 --> 00:46:22,880
Speaker 3: Than break it and they can't be happy. Yeah, no,

973
00:46:22,960 --> 00:46:23,840
Speaker 3: it can't be happy.

974
00:46:24,040 --> 00:46:30,000
Speaker 2: Right Well, our next color is Gael. Gail says Dear Chelsea.

975
00:46:30,560 --> 00:46:32,919
Speaker 2: I recently moved back in with my mother this May.

976
00:46:33,440 --> 00:46:36,040
Speaker 2: I was diagnosed with bipolar disorder when I was twenty four,

977
00:46:36,320 --> 00:46:38,680
Speaker 2: now twenty eight, and learning to cope with this illness

978
00:46:38,719 --> 00:46:41,799
Speaker 2: has been a journey. I was hospitalized several times this

979
00:46:41,920 --> 00:46:43,680
Speaker 2: year and had to leave my dream job in a

980
00:46:43,719 --> 00:46:46,799
Speaker 2: city that I loved, Boston. I currently live on Cape

981
00:46:46,840 --> 00:46:48,960
Speaker 2: Cod with my mom and feel blessed, but I'm struggling

982
00:46:49,040 --> 00:46:51,799
Speaker 2: to feel connected to my greater sense of purpose. To

983
00:46:51,840 --> 00:46:54,440
Speaker 2: say the least, I'm in a period of transition. I

984
00:46:54,440 --> 00:46:57,240
Speaker 2: feel out of touch with my dreams and aspirations since

985
00:46:57,239 --> 00:46:59,960
Speaker 2: my relocation. The majority of my life, I've been a

986
00:47:00,080 --> 00:47:03,160
Speaker 2: type A person and that has not served me. Most recently,

987
00:47:03,960 --> 00:47:06,160
Speaker 2: my new motto has been take it easy, and I've

988
00:47:06,160 --> 00:47:08,440
Speaker 2: been doing just that. Now my health is back on

989
00:47:08,560 --> 00:47:10,720
Speaker 2: track and I'm looking for advice on how to realign

990
00:47:10,800 --> 00:47:14,040
Speaker 2: with a future that's meaningful and fulfilling. Since leaving my

991
00:47:14,120 --> 00:47:16,560
Speaker 2: job and spending months in the hospital, my finances aren't

992
00:47:16,560 --> 00:47:18,800
Speaker 2: great either, but of course, when it rains, it pours.

993
00:47:19,400 --> 00:47:21,759
Speaker 2: I know living with my mother isn't permanent, but how

994
00:47:21,760 --> 00:47:24,200
Speaker 2: do I reconnect with my goals without feeling too down

995
00:47:24,239 --> 00:47:26,880
Speaker 2: about where I am currently? Any advice on how to

996
00:47:26,920 --> 00:47:28,920
Speaker 2: make each day count all the best?

997
00:47:28,960 --> 00:47:34,600
Speaker 1: Gail? Hi, Gail, Hi, Hi. This is Joe Biah's our

998
00:47:34,640 --> 00:47:35,600
Speaker 1: special guest today.

999
00:47:35,880 --> 00:47:36,640
Speaker 3: Hi you hi.

1000
00:47:36,880 --> 00:47:38,040
Speaker 5: I heard her speak with you.

1001
00:47:38,600 --> 00:47:43,400
Speaker 1: I know, isn't it? Okay? Let's get you up and running. Okay, Okay,

1002
00:47:43,520 --> 00:47:45,799
Speaker 1: so you're living with your mother. Listen, who gives a shit?

1003
00:47:45,920 --> 00:47:48,560
Speaker 1: That's fine. You know, you're not a man, you're a woman.

1004
00:47:48,600 --> 00:47:51,240
Speaker 1: You're allowed to live with your mother. I'm not sexist

1005
00:47:51,320 --> 00:47:53,120
Speaker 1: in any way in favor of women. By the way,

1006
00:47:53,719 --> 00:47:55,319
Speaker 1: how old are you? How old did you say? You are?

1007
00:47:56,000 --> 00:47:56,480
Speaker 5: Twenty eight?

1008
00:47:56,719 --> 00:47:59,520
Speaker 1: Okay, so everything's fine. Just you know what I mean.

1009
00:47:59,800 --> 00:48:02,040
Speaker 1: You You're going to be fine. You're only twenty eight

1010
00:48:02,120 --> 00:48:04,720
Speaker 1: years old. This is fine. All of this is fine.

1011
00:48:05,080 --> 00:48:07,239
Speaker 1: And in terms of reconnecting, you just have to get

1012
00:48:07,280 --> 00:48:10,839
Speaker 1: yourself in this position of covering the basis of like

1013
00:48:10,920 --> 00:48:13,160
Speaker 1: every single day to get you towards the goal of

1014
00:48:13,200 --> 00:48:15,600
Speaker 1: where you want to be. You know, like, let's talk

1015
00:48:15,640 --> 00:48:17,720
Speaker 1: about where you'd like to see yourself in six months.

1016
00:48:17,760 --> 00:48:20,719
Speaker 1: You want to have a job, Yes, I.

1017
00:48:20,680 --> 00:48:23,600
Speaker 4: Mean I'm doing all these sorts of odd jobs here

1018
00:48:23,640 --> 00:48:25,920
Speaker 4: and there, but in six months, I like to have something,

1019
00:48:25,960 --> 00:48:28,239
Speaker 4: you know, full time with benefits like I had, you

1020
00:48:28,280 --> 00:48:29,560
Speaker 4: know before.

1021
00:48:29,200 --> 00:48:31,400
Speaker 1: So yes, okay. And so what is the area that

1022
00:48:31,400 --> 00:48:32,879
Speaker 1: you're Are you going to move into the same area

1023
00:48:32,880 --> 00:48:34,600
Speaker 1: you were in before? Are you looking to move into

1024
00:48:34,600 --> 00:48:35,320
Speaker 1: a different area.

1025
00:48:36,200 --> 00:48:40,160
Speaker 4: Well, I'm considering staying where I am, so I also

1026
00:48:40,200 --> 00:48:42,239
Speaker 4: want to move out in six months. So I'm kind

1027
00:48:42,239 --> 00:48:44,160
Speaker 4: of thinking wherever I can get a job that's going

1028
00:48:44,239 --> 00:48:47,000
Speaker 4: to allow me to move out and sustain myself.

1029
00:48:47,680 --> 00:48:49,719
Speaker 1: Great, So how are you going to do that?

1030
00:48:50,440 --> 00:48:53,560
Speaker 4: Oh, I've been applying to a ton of jobs, so

1031
00:48:53,760 --> 00:48:56,200
Speaker 4: I actually have an interview tomorrow, which is exciting.

1032
00:48:56,440 --> 00:48:58,440
Speaker 1: Okay, great. And what field of work are you in?

1033
00:48:59,080 --> 00:49:01,600
Speaker 4: So I did design for a while and I want to,

1034
00:49:01,840 --> 00:49:03,840
Speaker 4: you know, sort of shift out of that in the future.

1035
00:49:03,920 --> 00:49:06,880
Speaker 4: But this is another job in design. It's sort of

1036
00:49:06,920 --> 00:49:07,960
Speaker 4: sales consultant.

1037
00:49:08,280 --> 00:49:11,120
Speaker 1: Okay. Well that those jobs are plentiful, so you can

1038
00:49:11,200 --> 00:49:14,120
Speaker 1: definitely line up job interviews for yourself in the next

1039
00:49:14,160 --> 00:49:16,799
Speaker 1: few weeks so that you have a cascade of them

1040
00:49:16,880 --> 00:49:18,960
Speaker 1: rather than just one, right, Do you have anything else

1041
00:49:19,000 --> 00:49:20,440
Speaker 1: lined up in terms of an interview.

1042
00:49:21,000 --> 00:49:23,040
Speaker 5: No, that's the only one, So you're right.

1043
00:49:23,160 --> 00:49:26,600
Speaker 1: More okay, so more outreach. More. What part of the

1044
00:49:26,680 --> 00:49:27,400
Speaker 1: country are you in.

1045
00:49:28,120 --> 00:49:30,080
Speaker 5: I'm in Massachusetts, Okay.

1046
00:49:30,200 --> 00:49:31,240
Speaker 1: Are you close to Boston?

1047
00:49:31,480 --> 00:49:32,640
Speaker 5: It's like an hour and a half.

1048
00:49:32,840 --> 00:49:34,440
Speaker 1: Okay, Well, then there you got to I mean that

1049
00:49:34,480 --> 00:49:37,200
Speaker 1: should be your aim. No, would you are you interested

1050
00:49:37,239 --> 00:49:38,160
Speaker 1: in living in Boston?

1051
00:49:38,840 --> 00:49:40,759
Speaker 4: Yeah, that's where I moved back from. I was living

1052
00:49:40,760 --> 00:49:42,839
Speaker 4: in Boston before. I was working at a design firm

1053
00:49:42,880 --> 00:49:44,400
Speaker 4: and it was great, and then you know, I have

1054
00:49:44,520 --> 00:49:46,839
Speaker 4: to move back with my mother, so you know, going

1055
00:49:46,880 --> 00:49:48,320
Speaker 4: back to Boston would be wonderful.

1056
00:49:48,800 --> 00:49:52,080
Speaker 1: And your bipolar disorder is you're on medication and that's

1057
00:49:52,120 --> 00:49:53,240
Speaker 1: completely under control.

1058
00:49:53,920 --> 00:49:57,280
Speaker 4: Yeah, but I'm I'm medicated and it's under control.

1059
00:49:57,360 --> 00:49:57,960
Speaker 5: Thank goodness.

1060
00:49:58,080 --> 00:50:01,200
Speaker 1: Okay, yeah, thank goodness for that. So so all you've

1061
00:50:01,239 --> 00:50:03,400
Speaker 1: taken all the steps in the right direction, like you

1062
00:50:03,480 --> 00:50:06,200
Speaker 1: are very conscious of where you need to go, and

1063
00:50:06,520 --> 00:50:09,000
Speaker 1: you first I think your first goal would be, you know,

1064
00:50:09,160 --> 00:50:11,239
Speaker 1: do a more outreach in the Boston area. So you

1065
00:50:11,280 --> 00:50:14,640
Speaker 1: have a whole slew of job interviews lined up, reach

1066
00:50:14,680 --> 00:50:16,840
Speaker 1: out to anyone that you know in this field, anyone

1067
00:50:16,880 --> 00:50:19,239
Speaker 1: you've worked with before, letting them know you're interested in

1068
00:50:19,239 --> 00:50:21,879
Speaker 1: getting back into it, that you're interested in getting back

1069
00:50:21,880 --> 00:50:23,880
Speaker 1: into the Boston area, because that's where you're going to

1070
00:50:24,000 --> 00:50:27,520
Speaker 1: probably have the most you know, luck in finding a job.

1071
00:50:27,560 --> 00:50:29,680
Speaker 1: I would think in that city, since there is so

1072
00:50:29,760 --> 00:50:33,480
Speaker 1: much action there, and even while you could even commute there,

1073
00:50:33,560 --> 00:50:35,960
Speaker 1: you know, it being an hour away, you could take

1074
00:50:35,960 --> 00:50:37,239
Speaker 1: a train, and you could take a bus, you could

1075
00:50:37,320 --> 00:50:40,200
Speaker 1: drive to Boston. Whatever you you know, whatever you need

1076
00:50:40,280 --> 00:50:43,799
Speaker 1: to do. So I think in the immediate future that

1077
00:50:43,880 --> 00:50:46,280
Speaker 1: should be what you spend the next couple of weeks

1078
00:50:46,320 --> 00:50:48,880
Speaker 1: doing is outreach to procure more job interviews.

1079
00:50:49,239 --> 00:50:51,280
Speaker 5: Okay, that's great, thanks.

1080
00:50:51,280 --> 00:50:54,640
Speaker 1: And I think and Joan, you can chime in anytime

1081
00:50:54,800 --> 00:50:58,680
Speaker 1: if you want to. I would say, obviously, worry about

1082
00:50:58,680 --> 00:51:00,799
Speaker 1: the job before you worry about move out. You want

1083
00:51:00,800 --> 00:51:04,200
Speaker 1: to get situated and get into a stable situation working

1084
00:51:04,239 --> 00:51:07,200
Speaker 1: for somebody. And I would say after about three months,

1085
00:51:07,239 --> 00:51:09,080
Speaker 1: once you do get a job, and I'm confident you

1086
00:51:09,120 --> 00:51:12,560
Speaker 1: will get one sooner than you probably think, then you

1087
00:51:12,560 --> 00:51:14,360
Speaker 1: can start thinking about where you want to live and

1088
00:51:14,400 --> 00:51:16,279
Speaker 1: where you can afford to live based on how much

1089
00:51:16,320 --> 00:51:18,440
Speaker 1: you're earning and maybe you stay with your mother for

1090
00:51:18,480 --> 00:51:20,560
Speaker 1: six months, maybe you stay with your mom for nine months,

1091
00:51:20,560 --> 00:51:23,040
Speaker 1: maybe it's a year. Don't beat yourself up about that,

1092
00:51:23,120 --> 00:51:25,640
Speaker 1: because you want to set yourself up for success, not

1093
00:51:25,719 --> 00:51:26,280
Speaker 1: for failure.

1094
00:51:26,760 --> 00:51:27,160
Speaker 5: Yeah.

1095
00:51:27,239 --> 00:51:31,920
Speaker 4: Thanks, I think I haven't really known what to do first,

1096
00:51:32,040 --> 00:51:35,360
Speaker 4: so it's nice to hear that go for the job first,

1097
00:51:35,400 --> 00:51:38,799
Speaker 4: because that will make everything easier. Once I have the job,

1098
00:51:38,840 --> 00:51:40,960
Speaker 4: then I can plan my next step.

1099
00:51:41,360 --> 00:51:43,920
Speaker 1: And I didn't become really successful. I just want you

1100
00:51:43,960 --> 00:51:46,560
Speaker 1: to know until I was thirty two years old, so

1101
00:51:47,760 --> 00:51:53,880
Speaker 1: you have four years. I waited tables my all of

1102
00:51:53,920 --> 00:51:55,680
Speaker 1: my twenties. I wrote a couple books, and I had

1103
00:51:55,680 --> 00:51:58,120
Speaker 1: a couple gigs, but I wasn't like on my own

1104
00:51:58,280 --> 00:52:01,719
Speaker 1: doing everything until I was thirty two. Completely independent and

1105
00:52:01,800 --> 00:52:04,920
Speaker 1: financially free until I was thirty two years old. So

1106
00:52:04,960 --> 00:52:07,360
Speaker 1: please do not worry about your age. It's about your health,

1107
00:52:07,400 --> 00:52:10,239
Speaker 1: your mental health, getting yourself in a strong situation so

1108
00:52:10,280 --> 00:52:12,799
Speaker 1: that you're going to succeed, not so that you're going

1109
00:52:12,880 --> 00:52:14,759
Speaker 1: to overdo it and then have to come back and

1110
00:52:14,800 --> 00:52:16,759
Speaker 1: live with your mother. You want to set up like

1111
00:52:16,840 --> 00:52:19,480
Speaker 1: this ballast of support around you so that when you

1112
00:52:19,560 --> 00:52:21,000
Speaker 1: leave it's for the last time.

1113
00:52:21,680 --> 00:52:23,960
Speaker 5: Yes, absolutely, that's exactly what I want.

1114
00:52:24,360 --> 00:52:26,680
Speaker 3: Joan, What do you think I think you've said it all.

1115
00:52:26,840 --> 00:52:28,600
Speaker 3: I have absolutely nothing to say.

1116
00:52:30,800 --> 00:52:33,239
Speaker 1: She became successful at a very early age, and that

1117
00:52:33,239 --> 00:52:35,520
Speaker 1: can have its shortfalls too, you know what I mean.

1118
00:52:36,000 --> 00:52:38,120
Speaker 1: It's good to go through this stuff in your earlier

1119
00:52:38,239 --> 00:52:41,200
Speaker 1: years rather than have this like hit you when you're

1120
00:52:41,280 --> 00:52:44,040
Speaker 1: thirty eight or forty eight. So there are a lot

1121
00:52:44,040 --> 00:52:46,120
Speaker 1: of things to be grateful for that you feel probably

1122
00:52:46,160 --> 00:52:49,200
Speaker 1: like our big stumbling blocks now that are not they're

1123
00:52:49,200 --> 00:52:51,600
Speaker 1: not stumbling blocks now because you can pick yourself up

1124
00:52:51,640 --> 00:52:54,840
Speaker 1: more easily at this age. So you live right outside

1125
00:52:54,880 --> 00:52:57,680
Speaker 1: of a major city, not far outside of a major city,

1126
00:52:57,920 --> 00:53:00,720
Speaker 1: You're going to have a lot of like opportunity unity there.

1127
00:53:01,120 --> 00:53:03,080
Speaker 1: And I think you just have to like put out

1128
00:53:03,080 --> 00:53:06,040
Speaker 1: every antenna you can to any and think and just

1129
00:53:06,040 --> 00:53:07,799
Speaker 1: write down a list of all the people that you

1130
00:53:08,000 --> 00:53:11,120
Speaker 1: would feel comfortable reaching out to, and then do research

1131
00:53:11,160 --> 00:53:13,600
Speaker 1: online about all the companies and design companies that are

1132
00:53:13,600 --> 00:53:16,560
Speaker 1: in the Boston area and you know what they offer,

1133
00:53:16,760 --> 00:53:18,719
Speaker 1: and even if it's something that doesn't feel like it

1134
00:53:18,800 --> 00:53:23,320
Speaker 1: speaks to you exactly, I would say, put out a feeler,

1135
00:53:23,440 --> 00:53:27,200
Speaker 1: you know, just try and get as much into information

1136
00:53:27,320 --> 00:53:29,200
Speaker 1: you can about what's out there right now.

1137
00:53:29,640 --> 00:53:32,720
Speaker 4: Okay, thanks, I've not really been doing that, so that'll

1138
00:53:32,760 --> 00:53:33,680
Speaker 4: be my next step.

1139
00:53:33,920 --> 00:53:36,319
Speaker 1: Yeah, you should use your time wisely while you have it,

1140
00:53:36,400 --> 00:53:39,160
Speaker 1: you know, and also pick up some books on you know,

1141
00:53:39,320 --> 00:53:42,680
Speaker 1: design and career and like meditation and things that are

1142
00:53:42,719 --> 00:53:46,240
Speaker 1: going to keep you grounded. Develop some good habits now

1143
00:53:46,320 --> 00:53:49,239
Speaker 1: while you have the time to add to your toolkit

1144
00:53:49,560 --> 00:53:51,880
Speaker 1: so that you don't find yourself in this position again.

1145
00:53:52,120 --> 00:53:55,160
Speaker 3: And doesn't it help that it's possible that it's the

1146
00:53:55,200 --> 00:53:57,760
Speaker 3: person you run into or the people you run into

1147
00:53:58,040 --> 00:53:59,440
Speaker 3: it defines where you want to go.

1148
00:53:59,800 --> 00:54:01,200
Speaker 5: Yeah, yeah, that's very true.

1149
00:54:01,560 --> 00:54:04,439
Speaker 3: I mean it's like in school, really kind of bored

1150
00:54:04,440 --> 00:54:06,440
Speaker 3: with the whole thing until you find a teacher you

1151
00:54:06,480 --> 00:54:09,040
Speaker 3: really love and it almost doesn't matter what the subject is.

1152
00:54:09,640 --> 00:54:11,680
Speaker 3: So I think that could be in there a little bit.

1153
00:54:11,760 --> 00:54:14,880
Speaker 3: If you find somebody who inspires you, a group of

1154
00:54:14,920 --> 00:54:17,960
Speaker 3: people who inspires you, then go from there.

1155
00:54:18,360 --> 00:54:19,400
Speaker 5: Okay, thanks.

1156
00:54:19,600 --> 00:54:22,439
Speaker 2: One little tip for like, right before you do your

1157
00:54:22,480 --> 00:54:26,759
Speaker 2: interview tomorrow, look up power poses Google power poses. You

1158
00:54:26,800 --> 00:54:30,160
Speaker 2: will look and feel very goofy doing them, but it's

1159
00:54:30,160 --> 00:54:32,080
Speaker 2: basically if you think of you know, when you see

1160
00:54:32,080 --> 00:54:34,600
Speaker 2: somebody who's like just made a goal in a sports game,

1161
00:54:34,840 --> 00:54:37,759
Speaker 2: like the power pose that they do, or they're like, yeah,

1162
00:54:38,280 --> 00:54:40,640
Speaker 2: do those for about three minutes before you go into

1163
00:54:40,640 --> 00:54:42,440
Speaker 2: your interview. You can do them in the privacy of

1164
00:54:42,480 --> 00:54:43,840
Speaker 2: your own home, you can do them in the bathroom

1165
00:54:43,880 --> 00:54:45,719
Speaker 2: at the place you go into. But there's actually like

1166
00:54:45,760 --> 00:54:48,480
Speaker 2: a marked difference in the ratio of people who get

1167
00:54:48,560 --> 00:54:51,480
Speaker 2: hired after doing those versus not doing those. It just

1168
00:54:51,520 --> 00:54:54,759
Speaker 2: does something like to raise your confidence, and it like

1169
00:54:54,840 --> 00:54:56,960
Speaker 2: puts that confidence into your body, even though it feels

1170
00:54:57,000 --> 00:54:57,760
Speaker 2: totally goofy.

1171
00:54:57,880 --> 00:55:00,879
Speaker 1: So do a quick Google after after this call.

1172
00:55:01,280 --> 00:55:03,440
Speaker 5: Okay, power poses, got it?

1173
00:55:03,760 --> 00:55:07,359
Speaker 1: And also visualize how you want the interview to go beforehand.

1174
00:55:07,440 --> 00:55:12,560
Speaker 1: You know, that really matters. Manifesting like positive experiences. Visualize

1175
00:55:12,600 --> 00:55:16,720
Speaker 1: you being enthusiastic and excited about the potential of this job,

1176
00:55:16,800 --> 00:55:20,920
Speaker 1: and visualize them being responsive to that excitement and wanting

1177
00:55:21,040 --> 00:55:23,360
Speaker 1: you to be part of their team, and just visualize

1178
00:55:23,360 --> 00:55:27,040
Speaker 1: it all being successful. That matters too. You know, sometimes

1179
00:55:27,160 --> 00:55:29,520
Speaker 1: we do the opposite and it's like, no, we don't.

1180
00:55:29,719 --> 00:55:31,840
Speaker 1: If you focus on something negative, that always has a

1181
00:55:31,880 --> 00:55:34,440
Speaker 1: tendency to kind of become a reality. When you focus

1182
00:55:34,480 --> 00:55:37,160
Speaker 1: on the positive aspects of a situation that tends to

1183
00:55:37,160 --> 00:55:41,880
Speaker 1: become a reality. So don't undervalue that or underplay that.

1184
00:55:42,280 --> 00:55:46,120
Speaker 1: Really sit with yourself because you have an intention. You

1185
00:55:46,160 --> 00:55:48,439
Speaker 1: want to get a job. You're looking for the right job.

1186
00:55:48,480 --> 00:55:50,480
Speaker 1: You're not just going to take any job. You want

1187
00:55:50,520 --> 00:55:52,640
Speaker 1: to get into a job that's also going to you know,

1188
00:55:52,760 --> 00:55:54,960
Speaker 1: use your strengths and play to your strengths and what

1189
00:55:55,000 --> 00:55:55,799
Speaker 1: your talents are.

1190
00:55:56,239 --> 00:55:59,719
Speaker 3: And I agree with Chelsea that visualization and the positive

1191
00:55:59,760 --> 00:56:03,279
Speaker 3: thing ahead of time. I did that for most of

1192
00:56:03,320 --> 00:56:05,320
Speaker 3: the second half of my career once I learned how,

1193
00:56:05,800 --> 00:56:08,360
Speaker 3: which for me it was also with self hypnosis that

1194
00:56:08,480 --> 00:56:11,360
Speaker 3: somebody taught me, so I could get to a certain

1195
00:56:11,440 --> 00:56:15,560
Speaker 3: level of subconscious and then talk to myself, this is

1196
00:56:15,600 --> 00:56:17,399
Speaker 3: how it's going to be, this is how I'm going

1197
00:56:17,440 --> 00:56:19,680
Speaker 3: to feel, and then even go into what am I

1198
00:56:19,719 --> 00:56:21,920
Speaker 3: going to wear? How am I going to walk? How

1199
00:56:21,920 --> 00:56:25,400
Speaker 3: am I going to greet these people? And you just

1200
00:56:25,880 --> 00:56:28,479
Speaker 3: really lived through a lot of it. Visualize. I'm big

1201
00:56:28,520 --> 00:56:32,600
Speaker 3: on visualization, I think as Chelsea is as well. That's

1202
00:56:32,600 --> 00:56:33,320
Speaker 3: my two bits.

1203
00:56:33,560 --> 00:56:36,040
Speaker 1: Thank you, Okay, I want you to keep us posted. Okay,

1204
00:56:37,880 --> 00:56:39,840
Speaker 1: check in with us in a few weeks and like

1205
00:56:39,960 --> 00:56:41,840
Speaker 1: give us an update. I want to know what happens

1206
00:56:41,840 --> 00:56:42,120
Speaker 1: with you.

1207
00:56:42,640 --> 00:56:44,160
Speaker 5: Okay, I will keep you the updated.

1208
00:56:44,480 --> 00:56:46,040
Speaker 1: Okay, we're invested in your future.

1209
00:56:46,360 --> 00:56:48,359
Speaker 5: Thank you, thanks so much.

1210
00:56:48,480 --> 00:56:52,080
Speaker 1: Call bye son. Okay, should we take a break first,

1211
00:56:52,160 --> 00:56:53,600
Speaker 1: Let's take a little break. Okay, we're going to take

1212
00:56:53,600 --> 00:56:59,720
Speaker 1: a little break and we'll be right back. And we're back.

1213
00:57:00,120 --> 00:57:02,560
Speaker 1: Jan is undressing. Joan is undressing.

1214
00:57:02,680 --> 00:57:05,960
Speaker 3: That's what we do.

1215
00:57:06,000 --> 00:57:08,080
Speaker 1: That's what we do. It between breaks, somebody takes their

1216
00:57:08,080 --> 00:57:10,839
Speaker 1: top off. I was surprised for it to be Joan,

1217
00:57:10,920 --> 00:57:13,000
Speaker 1: but you know well.

1218
00:57:13,080 --> 00:57:16,520
Speaker 2: Our last question comes from Jessica. She says, Dear Chelsea,

1219
00:57:17,040 --> 00:57:20,919
Speaker 2: my curiosity about mushrooms has grown significantly lately, and I'm

1220
00:57:20,920 --> 00:57:22,920
Speaker 2: interested in trying some micro dosing.

1221
00:57:23,400 --> 00:57:24,920
Speaker 1: How I have some in my purse right now. I

1222
00:57:24,920 --> 00:57:26,320
Speaker 1: wish you were here. I would give them to you,

1223
00:57:26,400 --> 00:57:27,200
Speaker 1: mushroom gummies.

1224
00:57:27,560 --> 00:57:30,800
Speaker 2: Jessica. However, my only experience in this world of self

1225
00:57:30,840 --> 00:57:33,720
Speaker 2: medication is alcohol and weed. I wanted to ask you

1226
00:57:33,760 --> 00:57:35,600
Speaker 2: whether you think it's a good idea for my friend

1227
00:57:35,600 --> 00:57:37,760
Speaker 2: and I to try shrooms for the first time at

1228
00:57:37,800 --> 00:57:40,920
Speaker 2: your show, since we have tickets. Who better to try

1229
00:57:40,960 --> 00:57:44,480
Speaker 2: mushrooms with than the doctor handler. My hesitations are worrying

1230
00:57:44,520 --> 00:57:46,320
Speaker 2: whether it will make me anxious or if I would

1231
00:57:46,360 --> 00:57:48,960
Speaker 2: get nauseous or anything like that. I essentially don't want

1232
00:57:49,000 --> 00:57:52,160
Speaker 2: to sign up to embarrass myself in public thoughts. Jessica.

1233
00:57:52,240 --> 00:57:54,600
Speaker 1: Okay, well, this is what I would recommend, Jessica. You

1234
00:57:54,640 --> 00:57:57,000
Speaker 1: should microdose. You don't take a whole thing of mushrooms

1235
00:57:57,000 --> 00:57:59,080
Speaker 1: for the first time, and if you can do it

1236
00:57:59,120 --> 00:58:03,000
Speaker 1: in a chocolate or form or pure mushroom form. I

1237
00:58:03,040 --> 00:58:05,400
Speaker 1: don't like those capsules. The only time I've ever felt

1238
00:58:05,480 --> 00:58:09,160
Speaker 1: nauseous on mushrooms is with those capsules. Every person is different,

1239
00:58:09,240 --> 00:58:12,400
Speaker 1: so that's my DNA versus your DNA. But I really

1240
00:58:12,600 --> 00:58:16,240
Speaker 1: would impress upon you you can't really do anything wrong

1241
00:58:16,480 --> 00:58:20,160
Speaker 1: or too badly if you're microdosing. Like most people can't

1242
00:58:20,200 --> 00:58:23,040
Speaker 1: even feel a micro dose. So I would start there

1243
00:58:23,160 --> 00:58:25,160
Speaker 1: and definitely do it at my show because you're not

1244
00:58:25,200 --> 00:58:27,120
Speaker 1: gonna have to be thinking about anything. I'll be doing

1245
00:58:27,160 --> 00:58:30,240
Speaker 1: all the work for you. Do you take mushrooms job?

1246
00:58:30,480 --> 00:58:33,600
Speaker 3: Not yet? Any time? Do you really have someone you

1247
00:58:33,920 --> 00:58:35,400
Speaker 3: I will take some with? Okay, perfect?

1248
00:58:35,520 --> 00:58:38,200
Speaker 1: Yeah, And I think like it's always good, you know,

1249
00:58:38,840 --> 00:58:41,439
Speaker 1: like a sit of mushrooms is I believe like three

1250
00:58:41,520 --> 00:58:44,280
Speaker 1: or four grams. What they put in a microdose is

1251
00:58:44,280 --> 00:58:47,680
Speaker 1: like point point zero point zero zero one gram or

1252
00:58:47,720 --> 00:58:50,880
Speaker 1: point zero one gram, so like you're gonna be okay,

1253
00:58:50,960 --> 00:58:53,800
Speaker 1: but just make sure it's a micro dose. And then

1254
00:58:53,840 --> 00:58:56,560
Speaker 1: you decide, oh I like this, I like a little more.

1255
00:58:57,000 --> 00:58:59,240
Speaker 1: Don't say I don't feel it, and then double down,

1256
00:58:59,440 --> 00:58:59,960
Speaker 1: don't do that.

1257
00:59:01,320 --> 00:59:04,240
Speaker 2: Yeah yeah, yeah, great, well, Jessica.

1258
00:59:04,120 --> 00:59:06,680
Speaker 1: I love ending on a mushroom note perfect. Now I

1259
00:59:06,720 --> 00:59:09,520
Speaker 1: have to doast Joan and everyone, you guys, please watch

1260
00:59:09,520 --> 00:59:13,520
Speaker 1: this documentary because it's so beautifully done. And like I

1261
00:59:13,560 --> 00:59:15,640
Speaker 1: said before, which I liked the way I said it,

1262
00:59:15,640 --> 00:59:19,040
Speaker 1: it's a tapestry of someone's life. And I watched it

1263
00:59:19,080 --> 00:59:21,480
Speaker 1: twice last night because I watched it once and I

1264
00:59:21,520 --> 00:59:23,080
Speaker 1: just wanted to make sure I didn't miss anything. So

1265
00:59:23,120 --> 00:59:25,120
Speaker 1: when you said you watch it, you see different things,

1266
00:59:25,120 --> 00:59:27,200
Speaker 1: you know, I think we all obviously do. You kind

1267
00:59:27,240 --> 00:59:29,760
Speaker 1: of miss things a certain time, but it's it's just captivating.

1268
00:59:29,880 --> 00:59:33,440
Speaker 1: It's just it's a snapshot of a time, you know,

1269
00:59:33,560 --> 00:59:36,800
Speaker 1: when I wasn't old enough to understand, you know, what

1270
00:59:37,000 --> 00:59:39,000
Speaker 1: was going on, and I but I know about all

1271
00:59:39,040 --> 00:59:40,720
Speaker 1: those events and I know about you, So it was

1272
00:59:40,800 --> 00:59:43,680
Speaker 1: really beautiful to see and you're really going to enjoy it,

1273
00:59:43,720 --> 00:59:47,160
Speaker 1: and especially if you're a music lover, because her voice

1274
00:59:47,200 --> 00:59:50,720
Speaker 1: is just so unique and so soulful. Thank you, Joan Bias.

1275
00:59:51,040 --> 00:59:53,440
Speaker 3: Thank you, Chelsea. I learned a lot today from you.

1276
00:59:53,680 --> 00:59:56,840
Speaker 3: Oh really long, No, it was just lovely. Thanks, oh,

1277
00:59:56,840 --> 00:59:58,880
Speaker 3: thank you, thank you so much for being here.

1278
01:00:00,240 --> 01:00:03,480
Speaker 2: Do you have a holiday themed question for Chelsea? Please

1279
01:00:03,520 --> 01:00:06,880
Speaker 2: send us all the questions you need answered about crazy

1280
01:00:06,880 --> 01:00:10,840
Speaker 2: family get togethers, arguing over which Cranberry sauce recipe to us,

1281
01:00:11,280 --> 01:00:14,600
Speaker 2: and all your holiday drama. Just send your questions to

1282
01:00:14,720 --> 01:00:18,360
Speaker 2: Dear Chelsea podcast at gmail dot com. Dear Chelsea is

1283
01:00:18,480 --> 01:00:22,080
Speaker 2: edited and engineered by Brad Dickard executive producer Catherine law

1284
01:00:22,320 --> 01:00:24,680
Speaker 2: And be sure to check out our merch at Chelseahandler

1285
01:00:24,720 --> 01:00:27,440
Speaker 2: dot com