WEBVTT - No Fear 0:00:00.880 --> 0:00:04.360 This is How Men Think with brooks Like and Gavin 0:00:04.400 --> 0:00:08.640 de Grab and I her radio podcast. Welcome to the show. 0:00:08.720 --> 0:00:11.880 My name is brooks Like, and this is how Men Think. 0:00:11.920 --> 0:00:13.520 This is where we dive into the mind of a 0:00:13.560 --> 0:00:16.560 man and we also share with you. We open up 0:00:16.560 --> 0:00:18.400 ourselves and we open our hearts, our minds, and we 0:00:18.440 --> 0:00:21.119 share with you everything that we can from a man's perspective. 0:00:21.520 --> 0:00:24.680 And a lot of our community is female. And so 0:00:24.760 --> 0:00:29.160 today's show, we have a very very influential and powerful 0:00:29.240 --> 0:00:32.760 woman in l A coming on the show to serve 0:00:32.880 --> 0:00:35.280 you guys, to open her story to you guys, in 0:00:35.360 --> 0:00:39.400 hopes to inspire and empower our female listeners. So I'm 0:00:39.440 --> 0:00:42.720 super excited about this show. She is on with us now. 0:00:43.440 --> 0:00:46.959 She is one of l A's top real estate agents 0:00:47.120 --> 0:00:50.239 at Douglas Ellman and Beverly Hills. She is on a 0:00:50.320 --> 0:00:53.800 TV show which you've probably seen called Bravos Million Dollar Listing. 0:00:53.840 --> 0:00:57.240 She is the only woman cast member female cast member 0:00:57.280 --> 0:01:00.240 on that show. She also has a brand new book 0:01:00.240 --> 0:01:02.440 out called Fear Is Just a four letter Word. How 0:01:02.520 --> 0:01:07.319 to develop unstoppable confidence to own any room. She is 0:01:07.360 --> 0:01:10.880 a mother, she's a partner, She's an overall wonderful human 0:01:10.920 --> 0:01:18.679 being an inspiring woman. Welcome to the show. Ms Tracy Tutor. Yeah, 0:01:18.120 --> 0:01:22.040 I thank you for having me. That was such a 0:01:22.120 --> 0:01:25.199 nice intro. By the way, I have your whole bio, 0:01:25.280 --> 0:01:27.040 and I could have kept going and going and going, 0:01:27.080 --> 0:01:30.360 but you're a busy woman. I only have forty five 0:01:30.360 --> 0:01:32.920 minutes with you, so I I gave the meat of it. 0:01:32.959 --> 0:01:38.360 But you are such an accomplished woman, both personally and professionally, 0:01:38.360 --> 0:01:40.319 and I want to dive into all of that. So 0:01:40.360 --> 0:01:41.959 I want to dive into your book and have a 0:01:41.959 --> 0:01:45.480 great discussion about fear, and dive into how you have 0:01:46.000 --> 0:01:49.160 overcome fear, what you have learned in twenty plus years 0:01:49.160 --> 0:01:51.320 of real estate, and how now you want to give 0:01:51.360 --> 0:01:56.200 this back to inspire people, but to inspire women, um 0:01:56.200 --> 0:01:59.320 in entrepreneurship, in the business, in the business world, in 0:01:59.360 --> 0:02:03.320 the business play, and how to maintain your femininity but 0:02:03.440 --> 0:02:06.560 still command the room and command leadership and thrive in 0:02:06.640 --> 0:02:09.440 the business world. I also want to jump into then, 0:02:09.440 --> 0:02:12.720 how you balance being on TV, writing a book, being 0:02:12.800 --> 0:02:15.800 a full time mom, having a partner, all of this 0:02:15.919 --> 0:02:18.320 kind of stuff, because so much of our community asks 0:02:18.360 --> 0:02:22.240 about the work life balance and the struggle there and 0:02:22.320 --> 0:02:24.960 you seem to have that figured out. So, UM, thank 0:02:25.000 --> 0:02:27.560 you for being an open book for our community. And 0:02:27.840 --> 0:02:30.240 first off, I want to touch on this because you 0:02:30.280 --> 0:02:32.400 know so much about this and you wrote a book 0:02:32.440 --> 0:02:38.320 on it, Um, fear fear. I hate when people get 0:02:38.320 --> 0:02:41.680 paralyzed by fear and how it inhibits them from achieving 0:02:42.160 --> 0:02:44.880 greatness in their life and achieving their life goals. So 0:02:45.120 --> 0:02:47.440 can you please tell us why you wrote the book 0:02:48.160 --> 0:02:51.680 and why you wanted to specifically dive into the topic 0:02:51.840 --> 0:02:56.160 of fear. I just I think fear is something that 0:02:56.240 --> 0:02:59.520 we all struggle with. It's not, you know, something that 0:02:59.560 --> 0:03:01.280 you act real you can get over. I think you 0:03:01.360 --> 0:03:04.200 can attack it in the moment and release it from 0:03:04.200 --> 0:03:08.720 yourself when you're experiencing it. But you know, I still 0:03:08.760 --> 0:03:12.880 I was fearful yesterday when I launched this book because 0:03:12.880 --> 0:03:16.480 I was like, this is crazy and what if everybody 0:03:16.520 --> 0:03:18.240 hates it? And you know, so we all have that 0:03:18.240 --> 0:03:21.000 that self doubt that takes over in us for a 0:03:21.080 --> 0:03:25.000 variety of reasons every single day. And I felt like, 0:03:25.639 --> 0:03:29.400 you know, that was something that I really wanted to 0:03:29.760 --> 0:03:35.000 share because it is something that in many, many different 0:03:35.080 --> 0:03:37.800 areas of my life, I've been able to conquer, you know, 0:03:38.440 --> 0:03:42.200 fear of being in a new relationship, fear of being 0:03:42.320 --> 0:03:49.040 vulnerable to somebody new. Um, fear of not getting that 0:03:49.200 --> 0:03:54.840 job that I'm up for against four men, um, you know, 0:03:54.920 --> 0:03:57.560 fear of disappointing my children. Like, we all live in 0:03:57.600 --> 0:03:59.880 that space, so it's never going to go away. But 0:04:00.040 --> 0:04:02.800 I do think that, you know, there are things that 0:04:02.880 --> 0:04:07.920 we can do to conquer it in the moment. We 0:04:08.000 --> 0:04:10.680 have to recognize it first, right, And it's like we 0:04:10.720 --> 0:04:12.560 all want to, you know, play like I don't know 0:04:12.760 --> 0:04:16.479 I got this, and inside you're like dying on the 0:04:16.520 --> 0:04:19.240 inside because you're trying to fake it until you make it. 0:04:19.279 --> 0:04:22.000 And the truth is, I think we don't honor it enough, 0:04:22.040 --> 0:04:28.680 Like we don't announce that we are scared and nervous 0:04:28.720 --> 0:04:31.320 to put ourselves out there because that makes us vulnerable, 0:04:31.600 --> 0:04:34.599 and no one really wants to be vulnerable because it's 0:04:34.600 --> 0:04:36.800 so much easier to say, well I didn't get it 0:04:36.920 --> 0:04:38.919 or this didn't work because I didn't really give it 0:04:38.960 --> 0:04:43.120 a hundred percent. I was too scared. So um, you know, 0:04:43.520 --> 0:04:46.080 that's really why I felt like I wanted to write 0:04:46.080 --> 0:04:47.960 the book because I've taken a lot of chances in 0:04:48.040 --> 0:04:50.880 my life, and I have put myself out there both 0:04:50.880 --> 0:04:55.200 in business and in my personal life, and I've always 0:04:55.279 --> 0:04:59.520 felt a reward every single time I've done that, whether 0:04:59.680 --> 0:05:03.360 it as you know, a listing appointment that I was 0:05:04.240 --> 0:05:07.560 going out on and didn't get but like I understood 0:05:07.560 --> 0:05:09.599 why I didn't get it, and I was just I 0:05:09.640 --> 0:05:12.920 was glad I put myself in the in the ring anyway. 0:05:13.040 --> 0:05:16.680 And then of course, you know, in my personal life, 0:05:16.680 --> 0:05:19.680 putting you know, talking about having a new person in 0:05:19.720 --> 0:05:21.919 my life. You know, I was terrified about that, and 0:05:21.960 --> 0:05:23.440 I really didn't want to talk about it for the 0:05:23.480 --> 0:05:26.960 longest time, and then I finally said, you know what, why, 0:05:27.120 --> 0:05:30.320 Like what happens if you live in the moment and 0:05:31.120 --> 0:05:35.200 um embrace the person that you're with whheartedly, Like what's 0:05:35.240 --> 0:05:37.960 the worst case scenario? It doesn't work out, and then 0:05:38.040 --> 0:05:40.280 guess what it's gonna hurt and then you're going to 0:05:40.360 --> 0:05:42.200 figure that out, you're gonna move on. And I just 0:05:42.240 --> 0:05:46.280 think it's a much freeer way to live and and 0:05:46.520 --> 0:05:49.800 it just makes you that much more unapologetic and to 0:05:49.920 --> 0:05:52.680 me as a woman, as a woman, I think so 0:05:52.720 --> 0:05:56.560 many of us are struggling with this, Like, you know, 0:05:56.760 --> 0:06:00.200 constant apologizing for yourself because you didn't. You couldn't get 0:06:00.200 --> 0:06:01.839 it right, you couldn't get out of your own way. 0:06:01.880 --> 0:06:05.600 And this book is what it's all about. Amazing. I've 0:06:05.880 --> 0:06:07.600 as you've been talking just right there for that minute. 0:06:07.640 --> 0:06:10.719 I wrote down multiple questions that just kept coming to 0:06:10.760 --> 0:06:13.120 me listening to you speak, and the first one was 0:06:13.200 --> 0:06:15.680 and you touched on it. I also believe because I've 0:06:15.720 --> 0:06:17.400 overcome a lot of fear in my life, and I 0:06:17.440 --> 0:06:19.880 want to get into your relationship with fear and my 0:06:20.000 --> 0:06:22.599 relationship with fear. But the first part of it, which 0:06:22.640 --> 0:06:26.839 you mentioned, is the acknowledgement of fear. So I believe 0:06:26.920 --> 0:06:29.599 that's the first step to overcoming it. And you touched 0:06:29.600 --> 0:06:32.800 on it perfectly, And I'd love to get your perspective 0:06:32.839 --> 0:06:35.719 on how and when, maybe when in your life you 0:06:35.839 --> 0:06:39.560 finally started to truthfully honor and acknowledge it, and how 0:06:39.600 --> 0:06:42.600 that process goes for you. How do you become how 0:06:42.640 --> 0:06:46.479 do you become comfortable with saying, Wow, I'm scared, I'm 0:06:46.520 --> 0:06:48.960 scared of this. Do you verbalize it? Do you share 0:06:48.960 --> 0:06:51.960 it with a close friend? Is there a little practice 0:06:52.000 --> 0:06:56.239 you personally go through? So how do you personally acknowledge fear? 0:06:56.800 --> 0:07:00.120 I mean, I think something you know, obviously gigantic in 0:07:00.200 --> 0:07:02.520 my life that I when you ask me this question, 0:07:02.600 --> 0:07:05.880 just I can't help but talk about it, um because 0:07:05.920 --> 0:07:12.040 it was so big, was my divorce, and recognizing that, 0:07:12.440 --> 0:07:17.120 you know, we just warrant in that place anymore, and 0:07:17.960 --> 0:07:20.960 saying to myself, I've got to get off the fence here, 0:07:21.080 --> 0:07:23.600 like we've both been sitting on this fence, started playing 0:07:23.640 --> 0:07:27.720 the Teeter daughter game for five years, and I really 0:07:27.760 --> 0:07:29.960 don't want my whole life to pass me by. So 0:07:30.800 --> 0:07:34.200 I sat across from you know, my two or three 0:07:34.560 --> 0:07:37.560 best best girlfriends, and I said, I I'm terrified. I'm 0:07:37.760 --> 0:07:41.480 terrified that I'm never going to find anyone again. I'm 0:07:41.600 --> 0:07:45.720 terrified that it could be the wrong decision. I'm giving up. 0:07:45.840 --> 0:07:47.880 You know. It's just like it's just like I've had 0:07:47.960 --> 0:07:50.400 to put it all out there and announce it to 0:07:50.520 --> 0:07:54.200 myself because I knew that the only way I could 0:07:54.240 --> 0:07:57.080 be accountable to that fear was by saying it out loud. 0:07:57.720 --> 0:08:01.400 And I have there's a perception of me that I am, 0:08:01.440 --> 0:08:05.120 you know, some tough bitch and all of these things, 0:08:05.360 --> 0:08:10.320 and the truth is I'm quite vulnerable, and I'm the 0:08:10.320 --> 0:08:12.840 people that know me best. I'm a big cry baby, 0:08:13.080 --> 0:08:16.840 and um, I feel I feel a lot, and I 0:08:16.880 --> 0:08:21.000 think it's really just important to to honor that. And 0:08:21.000 --> 0:08:24.400 and for me in my divorce, saying it allowed to 0:08:24.440 --> 0:08:27.480 my girlfriend's was the first step and it allowed me. 0:08:27.520 --> 0:08:29.480 And I talked about this in my book, you know, 0:08:30.120 --> 0:08:32.439 refer to it as don't sit on the fence too long. 0:08:32.440 --> 0:08:37.800 You're gonna get splinters and grass. And you know, you 0:08:37.800 --> 0:08:39.960 you have one life to live. And we don't know 0:08:40.000 --> 0:08:42.640 what happens after this, not really, you know, we have 0:08:42.760 --> 0:08:46.120 belief systems and whatever, but like, this is it. And 0:08:46.320 --> 0:08:52.679 I certainly wanted to accept that. I was terrified and 0:08:52.720 --> 0:08:55.920 I was jumping off that fence and I didn't really 0:08:55.920 --> 0:08:57.240 know what was going to be on the other side. 0:08:57.280 --> 0:08:59.280 But you know, it was the most incredible moment for me, 0:08:59.760 --> 0:09:03.640 this second I made that decision, and I knew that 0:09:03.640 --> 0:09:05.679 that was what it was going to be. Not I'm 0:09:05.679 --> 0:09:08.520 making the decision tonight on four glasses of chardonnay, and 0:09:08.559 --> 0:09:10.920 tomorrow morning I'm gonna wake up and regret it, but 0:09:11.080 --> 0:09:14.320 I'm making the conscious decision that this is the road 0:09:14.360 --> 0:09:16.200 that I'm going to take, and these are the steps 0:09:16.200 --> 0:09:18.560 that I'm going to take to to go down that road. 0:09:19.200 --> 0:09:24.520 I immediately felt like in my body for the first 0:09:24.600 --> 0:09:30.040 time in a really long time, and that was so incredible. 0:09:30.400 --> 0:09:33.040 I just felt in control again. I felt in control. 0:09:33.080 --> 0:09:35.520 And it's like I I acknowledged that fear, like what 0:09:35.559 --> 0:09:39.080 you were talking about, and I said it out loud, 0:09:39.200 --> 0:09:41.320 and then it freed me to be able to kind 0:09:41.320 --> 0:09:46.680 of take that make that daring choice to you know, 0:09:46.840 --> 0:09:50.680 go against our traditional ideals of you know, tell death 0:09:50.720 --> 0:09:54.400 to you part and and start a new life. Amazing. 0:09:54.559 --> 0:09:57.560 I wouldn't like listening to that. What I feel is 0:09:57.600 --> 0:10:00.920 that you you took ownership back of the fear, so 0:10:01.040 --> 0:10:04.200 by acknowledging it, by declaring it to your two or 0:10:04.240 --> 0:10:06.920 three best friends, loved ones in your life, the closest 0:10:06.960 --> 0:10:09.559 people to your heart in your life, by verbalizing it, 0:10:09.640 --> 0:10:13.320 and like exposing yourself like hey, I'm scared. This is terrifying. 0:10:13.679 --> 0:10:16.800 By doing that, in some weird way, you get ownership 0:10:16.880 --> 0:10:19.120 back of that fear. And now you don't have to 0:10:19.160 --> 0:10:22.800 pretend or shelter yourself or put on a facade, but 0:10:22.880 --> 0:10:25.599 you can actually wear the fear and start moving through it. 0:10:25.559 --> 0:10:27.400 And what it also does is it opens up your 0:10:27.440 --> 0:10:29.959 friends and they're gonna pour their heart into I'm sure 0:10:30.000 --> 0:10:32.800 you felt amazing support from them right after you did that. 0:10:33.320 --> 0:10:36.680 I had an unbelievable support system. I mean, I have 0:10:36.760 --> 0:10:39.920 great people in my life. Um, you know, they are 0:10:39.960 --> 0:10:42.760 a big part of the definition of why I am 0:10:42.840 --> 0:10:47.480 who I am. And um, you know, I think they 0:10:47.559 --> 0:10:52.360 all think that I was incredibly strong and during that time, 0:10:52.720 --> 0:10:57.280 but they also saw me on my back porch, you know, 0:10:58.320 --> 0:11:02.400 crying for you know, six hours straight and they went 0:11:02.440 --> 0:11:04.880 through it with me. And so there's you know, when 0:11:04.880 --> 0:11:07.400 you have a community like that that you know is 0:11:07.440 --> 0:11:10.000 surrounding you and you have that blessing to be able 0:11:10.000 --> 0:11:14.080 to be completely vulnerable and not be worried of the 0:11:14.200 --> 0:11:17.920 judgment that might come your way is a pretty valid 0:11:18.040 --> 0:11:21.920 piece of why I was able to make the decision 0:11:21.960 --> 0:11:31.040 to do it. I love that you just shared that 0:11:31.120 --> 0:11:33.560 little Thank you for sharing and being that open and 0:11:33.600 --> 0:11:36.400 trusting of our community to share that, because I don't 0:11:36.440 --> 0:11:40.079 want our listeners to think that because you've overcome fear 0:11:40.480 --> 0:11:43.240 that it was easier, that it wasn't sad or hard 0:11:43.480 --> 0:11:47.240 or disruptive or brought you emotions Like overcoming fear doesn't 0:11:47.240 --> 0:11:49.200 mean it's not just a hurdle you just step over. 0:11:49.600 --> 0:11:53.920 There's a lot of dredging and trudging and work that 0:11:54.040 --> 0:11:56.680 has to go into overcoming fear. I think about in 0:11:56.720 --> 0:11:59.480 my life the fears that I've overcome and been terrified, 0:11:59.480 --> 0:12:02.120 and it's been days or months of things that I've 0:12:02.120 --> 0:12:05.559 had to continually just make even baby steps to get through. 0:12:05.960 --> 0:12:08.360 But at some point you will get through and you'll 0:12:08.360 --> 0:12:10.719 take ownership of that fear. So I just don't want 0:12:10.720 --> 0:12:13.240 our community to think that, oh, that's just what I 0:12:13.240 --> 0:12:14.880 have to do. Acknowledge it, then I'm over it. No, 0:12:15.080 --> 0:12:18.480 it's still gonna be tough, but what you want is 0:12:18.600 --> 0:12:20.600 right on the Everything you want is right on the 0:12:20.600 --> 0:12:22.480 opposite side of that fear. Like you said, once you 0:12:22.559 --> 0:12:24.200 got through it, you're like, oh my god, I feel 0:12:24.200 --> 0:12:26.640 in my body again. You know, I hope I have 0:12:26.760 --> 0:12:30.080 control and inspiration and movement and a current in my life. 0:12:30.679 --> 0:12:33.200 Um So thank you for just sharing that. Yeah, like 0:12:33.800 --> 0:12:35.720 you went and sat on your porch and cried for 0:12:35.760 --> 0:12:38.920 six hours straight. You had people well, you know, people 0:12:38.960 --> 0:12:42.920 always think like when everybody weighs their options, I think, 0:12:42.920 --> 0:12:47.080 particularly in this scenario, like a long term relationship like that, 0:12:47.160 --> 0:12:50.679 you're so back and forth, and it's like, God, I 0:12:51.120 --> 0:12:53.680 just don't know what the right decision is, so I 0:12:53.679 --> 0:12:58.280 shouldn't make any decision. Yeah, if you don't know what 0:12:58.360 --> 0:13:00.960 the decision is, then I'll just wait for it to 0:13:01.200 --> 0:13:03.600 what smack you in the face one day and like 0:13:03.760 --> 0:13:06.480 you just wake up and you all of a sudden, no, No, 0:13:06.920 --> 0:13:10.040 you're not listening to your intuition. You're not listening to 0:13:10.080 --> 0:13:13.360 your gut. You're choosing to ignore all the signals that 0:13:13.400 --> 0:13:16.000 are right in front of you. Both your own signals 0:13:16.040 --> 0:13:19.199 here and you know whatever, You know the person sitting 0:13:19.200 --> 0:13:23.120 across from you that they are delivering, and if you 0:13:23.160 --> 0:13:28.400 don't acknowledge that, then you're you're losing. And applies professionally. 0:13:28.520 --> 0:13:33.800 Tisn't being stuck the worst feeling you can have. It's disagreating. 0:13:34.240 --> 0:13:38.240 It's worse than making the wrong decision in my opinion, 0:13:38.520 --> 0:13:41.280 right because if even if I had made the decision 0:13:41.280 --> 0:13:45.120 to stay wholeheartedly um and lived in that space, then 0:13:45.120 --> 0:13:46.560 that would have been the decision that I was going 0:13:46.600 --> 0:13:50.200 to make. And I think there's something really securing about 0:13:50.640 --> 0:13:53.200 landing on your feet and and really just going for 0:13:53.280 --> 0:13:55.240 it at some point, like there's all you kind of 0:13:55.280 --> 0:13:57.880 like are and this isn't business too. It's like you 0:13:57.960 --> 0:13:59.800 kind of a why I've used this all the time, 0:13:59.840 --> 0:14:01.520 But it's like, you know when you're at a pool 0:14:01.520 --> 0:14:02.840 and you're like, how do you visit over there? Can 0:14:02.880 --> 0:14:04.719 I jump in there? Or is it too shallow? And 0:14:05.000 --> 0:14:07.600 you're like walking around the pool, walking around the pool, 0:14:07.640 --> 0:14:10.240 but oh, I think I can do it here, And 0:14:10.360 --> 0:14:13.000 it's like eventually you're just gonna have to go for it. 0:14:13.040 --> 0:14:14.960 You're gonna have to trust your instincts and make a 0:14:14.960 --> 0:14:18.240 decision and hope to God you didn't just dive into 0:14:18.360 --> 0:14:22.800 the shallow and head first. You know. Um, I believe 0:14:22.880 --> 0:14:26.880 fear can be an inhibitor, and I fear. Believe fear. 0:14:27.040 --> 0:14:30.680 I believe fear can be a motivator for you. It 0:14:30.760 --> 0:14:34.840 seems that fear is a motivator. You don't work right 0:14:35.000 --> 0:14:40.000 towards everything that scares me. I said, I go right 0:14:40.560 --> 0:14:46.240 for everything that scares me. It's like gravity pull. My 0:14:46.240 --> 0:14:47.680 My dad used to say. The thing one of the 0:14:47.680 --> 0:14:49.680 greatest lessons my dad ever taught me was he always 0:14:49.680 --> 0:14:52.480 said he in his life, and he was a principal 0:14:52.520 --> 0:14:55.360 of our school. He said, I run towards the fire, 0:14:55.800 --> 0:14:59.120 and he always taught me that saying Brooks, run towards 0:14:59.200 --> 0:15:03.360 the fire, towards what you're scared of, what you're fearful of, 0:15:03.520 --> 0:15:06.440 run towards that. How do you I want to get 0:15:06.440 --> 0:15:08.880 from you, Tracy, how you have the courage to do that? 0:15:08.960 --> 0:15:11.800 Because fear is a scary thing, you know, like whether 0:15:11.840 --> 0:15:13.720 it's opening up to a person in a relationship with 0:15:13.880 --> 0:15:16.880 maybe it's a huge listing that you might potentially get. Like, 0:15:17.200 --> 0:15:19.240 how do you muster up the courage to say, I'm 0:15:19.280 --> 0:15:22.480 actually gonna dig into this thing even though I'm scared 0:15:22.520 --> 0:15:24.480 of it. I'm signing up and I'm showing up and 0:15:24.520 --> 0:15:27.520 I'm digging in versus what you said before, like oh, 0:15:27.640 --> 0:15:30.160 just kind of like dipping a toe in the water 0:15:30.440 --> 0:15:33.200 or just being like I didn't give it to my all. 0:15:33.200 --> 0:15:35.200 It's okay that I get it, Like, how do you 0:15:35.360 --> 0:15:39.400 lean into that fear? I think you know, in the beginning, 0:15:39.400 --> 0:15:42.760 it's an exercise. It was like anything else. I think, um, 0:15:42.760 --> 0:15:45.080 in the beginning, you really are just taking a leap 0:15:45.120 --> 0:15:49.360 of faith, Like Tracy said, if I try this and 0:15:49.440 --> 0:15:52.800 actually ran towards the fear, that I could maybe get 0:15:52.840 --> 0:15:56.280 the listing or have the relationship or whatever, and you 0:15:56.320 --> 0:16:00.840 really don't know, But I think the reward is once 0:16:00.880 --> 0:16:03.640 you do start making those decisions, you'll find yourself feeling 0:16:03.760 --> 0:16:06.480 so much more authentic. On the other side of things, 0:16:06.520 --> 0:16:13.160 you're so much more in your body, both emotionally, intuitively, mentally, physically. Um, 0:16:13.240 --> 0:16:16.200 you just start to feel different. And that's something you'll 0:16:16.240 --> 0:16:19.560 see in yourself when you start to make those decisions. 0:16:19.600 --> 0:16:22.680 And then I think it just becomes practice. It really 0:16:22.720 --> 0:16:24.840 has to become like a practice in your life. And 0:16:24.880 --> 0:16:27.720 there I think little things that you can do to 0:16:27.720 --> 0:16:31.080 sort of challenge yourself, Like if you're not really accustomed 0:16:31.120 --> 0:16:34.280 and you are that person who just over analyzes every 0:16:34.280 --> 0:16:36.400 single thing, there are steps that you can take to 0:16:36.480 --> 0:16:39.760 kind of go away from that, Like don't ask eighty 0:16:39.760 --> 0:16:42.520 eight people's opinion about a decision you're gonna make. You're 0:16:42.520 --> 0:16:45.520 gonna get eighty eight different opinions, eighty eight different opinions 0:16:45.600 --> 0:16:48.480 that are just going to dilute how you authentically feel 0:16:48.480 --> 0:16:51.600 about it. You know, I say, in business and in life, 0:16:51.680 --> 0:16:55.600 select the people that are important, a small small group 0:16:55.640 --> 0:16:58.360 of them, and they are going to be different in 0:16:58.400 --> 0:17:02.600 your life personally and in your life professionally. And you know, 0:17:02.720 --> 0:17:04.679 I have those people I know who they are. I 0:17:04.680 --> 0:17:07.240 can count them on each hand, and those are the 0:17:07.280 --> 0:17:09.960 people I go to for a variety of different reasons 0:17:10.000 --> 0:17:13.240 if I need to bounce how I'm feeling off of somebody. 0:17:13.240 --> 0:17:16.919 But you know, once you start to lose your grip 0:17:17.000 --> 0:17:19.600 on what your gut is really saying to you, then 0:17:20.119 --> 0:17:22.480 it's really difficult to come back to. And you'll find 0:17:22.520 --> 0:17:24.639 that the more and more you practice by like going 0:17:24.680 --> 0:17:27.560 to a friend, for example, and saying, like, you know, 0:17:27.720 --> 0:17:31.119 something as stupid as you know the other day we 0:17:31.119 --> 0:17:32.679 were talking about that TV show and you said you 0:17:32.680 --> 0:17:36.439 didn't like it. I like it, Like why don't you 0:17:36.560 --> 0:17:39.360 like it? You know, like this, like it's there's little 0:17:39.640 --> 0:17:41.960 tests that you can kind of give yourself and like 0:17:42.480 --> 0:17:45.720 we're going against a friend of your maybe they have 0:17:45.760 --> 0:17:48.879 an opinion about who you're dating or and you know, 0:17:48.920 --> 0:17:51.320 you don't really say anything, but you know it's bothering 0:17:51.400 --> 0:17:55.040 you like approach it and say, you know, it seems 0:17:55.040 --> 0:17:57.960 like you have like some opinions about what I'm what 0:17:58.119 --> 0:18:01.560 choices I'm making lately, what talk about it? And then 0:18:01.600 --> 0:18:04.040 all of a sudden you'll be like, oh, you know, 0:18:04.240 --> 0:18:06.439 and then you just you feel and then you you 0:18:06.520 --> 0:18:09.240 kind of throw those people off because they're not expecting 0:18:09.400 --> 0:18:13.800 you to actually, you know, speak up for yourself because 0:18:13.800 --> 0:18:17.560 you haven't before. And then it becomes this like you 0:18:17.640 --> 0:18:19.320 lay your head down on the pillow at night and 0:18:19.359 --> 0:18:22.640 you're not swallowing all that crap, and that's why you're 0:18:22.640 --> 0:18:25.640 not sleeping, and that's why people take you know, more 0:18:25.640 --> 0:18:28.080 and more people suffer from anxiety because it's like we 0:18:28.119 --> 0:18:31.920 don't release it. I think that's such a thing happening 0:18:32.000 --> 0:18:36.560 right now, especially with people with kids, because let's say 0:18:36.640 --> 0:18:39.840 one mom is a little looser about what the kids 0:18:39.840 --> 0:18:43.239 are allowed to do right now during the pandemic, and 0:18:43.280 --> 0:18:47.680 another mom is really tight on it. All these moms 0:18:47.720 --> 0:18:50.760 are so worried about judgment from the other mom and 0:18:50.760 --> 0:18:53.119 and maybe caving on what they feel is safe for 0:18:53.200 --> 0:18:56.280 their kid because they're feeling pressured by another parent. I 0:18:56.359 --> 0:18:59.239 see this with so many moms right now. How do 0:18:59.359 --> 0:19:03.359 you stay true to what you feel is right without 0:19:03.359 --> 0:19:07.359 getting that pressure from other people in relationships, business, and 0:19:07.440 --> 0:19:10.120 even right now, maybe with your kids. You know, I've 0:19:10.119 --> 0:19:12.800 always had a different kind of relationship with my daughters 0:19:12.800 --> 0:19:15.640 that I think is really authentic to me and them, 0:19:15.720 --> 0:19:20.280 And um, I'm I'm very honest with them about where 0:19:20.320 --> 0:19:23.080 I stand on certain issues, and they are they know 0:19:23.160 --> 0:19:27.080 me very intimately. I don't play the parent role from 0:19:27.200 --> 0:19:30.600 up here, um, you know, standing over them like I'm 0:19:30.640 --> 0:19:34.600 you know, God, you know, speaking to my disciples. Um. 0:19:34.640 --> 0:19:37.560 But I'm also not their best friend, so you know 0:19:37.600 --> 0:19:39.880 when I'm having conversations about this. And by the way, 0:19:39.960 --> 0:19:41.720 I'm a mom too, and I totally know what you're 0:19:41.760 --> 0:19:44.440 talking about. You know. I think it's about just being 0:19:44.520 --> 0:19:47.600 candid with the people that you are talking to, like 0:19:47.960 --> 0:19:51.040 this is this is not your choice, but this is 0:19:51.080 --> 0:19:52.880 how I do it in my family, and I want 0:19:52.920 --> 0:19:55.000 to make sure that you're comfortable with it. And if 0:19:55.040 --> 0:19:57.640 you're not comfortable with it, I totally get it. I'm 0:19:57.680 --> 0:20:01.080 just going to continue to do me and all of 0:20:01.119 --> 0:20:02.480 a sudden they'll be like, you know what, thank you 0:20:02.520 --> 0:20:04.359 for thank you for telling me, because I just didn't 0:20:04.400 --> 0:20:06.960 know really how to handle it. And you know what, 0:20:07.080 --> 0:20:11.080 I'm not comfortable because I have a kid at home. 0:20:11.200 --> 0:20:15.680 That is I haven't seen my best friend, my nearest 0:20:15.720 --> 0:20:19.600 and dearest since the beginning of February because she's got 0:20:19.640 --> 0:20:24.000 two kids that are at high risk and she just 0:20:24.200 --> 0:20:26.879 will not take a chance, and she's like, you're like 0:20:26.920 --> 0:20:30.719 a super spreader over here, and we we just had 0:20:30.760 --> 0:20:32.639 an honest dialogue about it, and I said, look, the 0:20:32.640 --> 0:20:36.080 bottom line is, you know, I I have seen more 0:20:36.160 --> 0:20:40.359 people I have already had this, and so I just 0:20:40.600 --> 0:20:43.679 I don't want to put you in a position to 0:20:43.760 --> 0:20:47.280 where I could potentially, um, you know, do something that 0:20:47.320 --> 0:20:49.840 might hurt your kids. And so you know, we just 0:20:49.880 --> 0:20:52.119 have that honest kind of relationship and I think she 0:20:52.160 --> 0:20:54.400 appreciates it, but I missed her like hell. But it's 0:20:54.440 --> 0:20:56.520 just the fact of you know, it's a simple fact 0:20:56.560 --> 0:21:00.200 that you've just got to be like authentic about it. Yeah. 0:21:00.240 --> 0:21:02.439 I think that's a big part of just the acknowledgement too, 0:21:02.760 --> 0:21:06.280 is is when you when you share that and opening 0:21:06.359 --> 0:21:10.560 up honesty, opening up genuine, real feelings and emotions. Kind 0:21:10.560 --> 0:21:12.080 of why I do this show because I'm not good 0:21:12.080 --> 0:21:14.440 at that stuff, and so that this is a platform 0:21:14.480 --> 0:21:17.960 to practice that stuff. But in doing that, people actually 0:21:17.960 --> 0:21:22.119 truly see you. They truly see you. And when you 0:21:22.280 --> 0:21:24.880 We've talked about this so many times on our show, um, 0:21:24.920 --> 0:21:27.720 and I've had a great response from men and women. 0:21:27.760 --> 0:21:30.320 But when I laid down my weapons, you know, his 0:21:30.600 --> 0:21:33.520 former professional athlete played in the NHL for fifteen years. 0:21:33.960 --> 0:21:36.879 Rugged spar contact sport. There's fighting in it, there's everybody. 0:21:36.880 --> 0:21:39.840 When I laid down my weapons of trying to be 0:21:39.960 --> 0:21:42.320 tough or trying to be Raboto or anything like that, 0:21:42.400 --> 0:21:45.640