Speaker 1: This is How Men Think with brooks Like and Gavin
Speaker 1: de Grab and I her radio podcast. Welcome to the show.
Speaker 1: My name is brooks Like, and this is how Men Think.
Speaker 1: This is where we dive into the mind of a
Speaker 1: man and we also share with you. We open up
Speaker 1: ourselves and we open our hearts, our minds, and we
Speaker 1: share with you everything that we can from a man's perspective.
Speaker 1: And a lot of our community is female. And so
Speaker 1: today's show, we have a very very influential and powerful
Speaker 1: woman in l A coming on the show to serve
Speaker 1: you guys, to open her story to you guys, in
Speaker 1: hopes to inspire and empower our female listeners. So I'm
Speaker 1: super excited about this show. She is on with us now.
Speaker 1: She is one of l A's top real estate agents
Speaker 1: at Douglas Ellman and Beverly Hills. She is on a
Speaker 1: TV show which you've probably seen called Bravos Million Dollar Listing.
Speaker 1: She is the only woman cast member female cast member
Speaker 1: on that show. She also has a brand new book
Speaker 1: out called Fear Is Just a four letter Word. How
Speaker 1: to develop unstoppable confidence to own any room. She is
Speaker 1: a mother, she's a partner, She's an overall wonderful human
Speaker 1: being an inspiring woman. Welcome to the show. Ms Tracy Tutor. Yeah,
Speaker 1: I thank you for having me. That was such a
Speaker 1: nice intro. By the way, I have your whole bio,
Speaker 1: and I could have kept going and going and going,
Speaker 1: but you're a busy woman. I only have forty five
Speaker 1: minutes with you, so I I gave the meat of it.
Speaker 1: But you are such an accomplished woman, both personally and professionally,
Speaker 1: and I want to dive into all of that. So
Speaker 1: I want to dive into your book and have a
Speaker 1: great discussion about fear, and dive into how you have
Speaker 1: overcome fear, what you have learned in twenty plus years
Speaker 1: of real estate, and how now you want to give
Speaker 1: this back to inspire people, but to inspire women, um
Speaker 1: in entrepreneurship, in the business, in the business world, in
Speaker 1: the business play, and how to maintain your femininity but
Speaker 1: still command the room and command leadership and thrive in
Speaker 1: the business world. I also want to jump into then,
Speaker 1: how you balance being on TV, writing a book, being
Speaker 1: a full time mom, having a partner, all of this
Speaker 1: kind of stuff, because so much of our community asks
Speaker 1: about the work life balance and the struggle there and
Speaker 1: you seem to have that figured out. So, UM, thank
Speaker 1: you for being an open book for our community. And
Speaker 1: first off, I want to touch on this because you
Speaker 1: know so much about this and you wrote a book
Speaker 1: on it, Um, fear fear. I hate when people get
Speaker 1: paralyzed by fear and how it inhibits them from achieving
Speaker 1: greatness in their life and achieving their life goals. So
Speaker 1: can you please tell us why you wrote the book
Speaker 1: and why you wanted to specifically dive into the topic
Speaker 1: of fear. I just I think fear is something that
Speaker 1: we all struggle with. It's not, you know, something that
Speaker 1: you act real you can get over. I think you
Speaker 1: can attack it in the moment and release it from
Speaker 1: yourself when you're experiencing it. But you know, I still
Speaker 1: I was fearful yesterday when I launched this book because
Speaker 1: I was like, this is crazy and what if everybody
Speaker 1: hates it? And you know, so we all have that
Speaker 1: that self doubt that takes over in us for a
Speaker 1: variety of reasons every single day. And I felt like,
Speaker 1: you know, that was something that I really wanted to
Speaker 1: share because it is something that in many, many different
Speaker 1: areas of my life, I've been able to conquer, you know,
Speaker 1: fear of being in a new relationship, fear of being
Speaker 1: vulnerable to somebody new. Um, fear of not getting that
Speaker 1: job that I'm up for against four men, um, you know,
Speaker 1: fear of disappointing my children. Like, we all live in
Speaker 1: that space, so it's never going to go away. But
Speaker 1: I do think that, you know, there are things that
Speaker 1: we can do to conquer it in the moment. We
Speaker 1: have to recognize it first, right, And it's like we
Speaker 1: all want to, you know, play like I don't know
Speaker 1: I got this, and inside you're like dying on the
Speaker 1: inside because you're trying to fake it until you make it.
Speaker 1: And the truth is, I think we don't honor it enough,
Speaker 1: Like we don't announce that we are scared and nervous
Speaker 1: to put ourselves out there because that makes us vulnerable,
Speaker 1: and no one really wants to be vulnerable because it's
Speaker 1: so much easier to say, well I didn't get it
Speaker 1: or this didn't work because I didn't really give it
Speaker 1: a hundred percent. I was too scared. So um, you know,
Speaker 1: that's really why I felt like I wanted to write
Speaker 1: the book because I've taken a lot of chances in
Speaker 1: my life, and I have put myself out there both
Speaker 1: in business and in my personal life, and I've always
Speaker 1: felt a reward every single time I've done that, whether
Speaker 1: it as you know, a listing appointment that I was
Speaker 1: going out on and didn't get but like I understood
Speaker 1: why I didn't get it, and I was just I
Speaker 1: was glad I put myself in the in the ring anyway.
Speaker 1: And then of course, you know, in my personal life,
Speaker 1: putting you know, talking about having a new person in
Speaker 1: my life. You know, I was terrified about that, and
Speaker 1: I really didn't want to talk about it for the
Speaker 1: longest time, and then I finally said, you know what, why,
Speaker 1: Like what happens if you live in the moment and
Speaker 1: um embrace the person that you're with whheartedly, Like what's
Speaker 1: the worst case scenario? It doesn't work out, and then
Speaker 1: guess what it's gonna hurt and then you're going to
Speaker 1: figure that out, you're gonna move on. And I just
Speaker 1: think it's a much freeer way to live and and
Speaker 1: it just makes you that much more unapologetic and to
Speaker 1: me as a woman, as a woman, I think so
Speaker 1: many of us are struggling with this, Like, you know,
Speaker 1: constant apologizing for yourself because you didn't. You couldn't get
Speaker 1: it right, you couldn't get out of your own way.
Speaker 1: And this book is what it's all about. Amazing. I've
Speaker 1: as you've been talking just right there for that minute.
Speaker 1: I wrote down multiple questions that just kept coming to
Speaker 1: me listening to you speak, and the first one was
Speaker 1: and you touched on it. I also believe because I've
Speaker 1: overcome a lot of fear in my life, and I
Speaker 1: want to get into your relationship with fear and my
Speaker 1: relationship with fear. But the first part of it, which
Speaker 1: you mentioned, is the acknowledgement of fear. So I believe
Speaker 1: that's the first step to overcoming it. And you touched
Speaker 1: on it perfectly, And I'd love to get your perspective
Speaker 1: on how and when, maybe when in your life you
Speaker 1: finally started to truthfully honor and acknowledge it, and how
Speaker 1: that process goes for you. How do you become how
Speaker 1: do you become comfortable with saying, Wow, I'm scared, I'm
Speaker 1: scared of this. Do you verbalize it? Do you share
Speaker 1: it with a close friend? Is there a little practice
Speaker 1: you personally go through? So how do you personally acknowledge fear?
Speaker 1: I mean, I think something you know, obviously gigantic in
Speaker 1: my life that I when you ask me this question,
Speaker 1: just I can't help but talk about it, um because
Speaker 1: it was so big, was my divorce, and recognizing that,
Speaker 1: you know, we just warrant in that place anymore, and
Speaker 1: saying to myself, I've got to get off the fence here,
Speaker 1: like we've both been sitting on this fence, started playing
Speaker 1: the Teeter daughter game for five years, and I really
Speaker 1: don't want my whole life to pass me by. So
Speaker 1: I sat across from you know, my two or three
Speaker 1: best best girlfriends, and I said, I I'm terrified. I'm
Speaker 1: terrified that I'm never going to find anyone again. I'm
Speaker 1: terrified that it could be the wrong decision. I'm giving up.
Speaker 1: You know. It's just like it's just like I've had
Speaker 1: to put it all out there and announce it to
Speaker 1: myself because I knew that the only way I could
Speaker 1: be accountable to that fear was by saying it out loud.
Speaker 1: And I have there's a perception of me that I am,
Speaker 1: you know, some tough bitch and all of these things,
Speaker 1: and the truth is I'm quite vulnerable, and I'm the
Speaker 1: people that know me best. I'm a big cry baby,
Speaker 1: and um, I feel I feel a lot, and I
Speaker 1: think it's really just important to to honor that. And
Speaker 1: and for me in my divorce, saying it allowed to
Speaker 1: my girlfriend's was the first step and it allowed me.
Speaker 1: And I talked about this in my book, you know,
Speaker 1: refer to it as don't sit on the fence too long.
Speaker 1: You're gonna get splinters and grass. And you know, you
Speaker 1: you have one life to live. And we don't know
Speaker 1: what happens after this, not really, you know, we have
Speaker 1: belief systems and whatever, but like, this is it. And
Speaker 1: I certainly wanted to accept that. I was terrified and
Speaker 1: I was jumping off that fence and I didn't really
Speaker 1: know what was going to be on the other side.
Speaker 1: But you know, it was the most incredible moment for me,
Speaker 1: this second I made that decision, and I knew that
Speaker 1: that was what it was going to be. Not I'm
Speaker 1: making the decision tonight on four glasses of chardonnay, and
Speaker 1: tomorrow morning I'm gonna wake up and regret it, but
Speaker 1: I'm making the conscious decision that this is the road
Speaker 1: that I'm going to take, and these are the steps
Speaker 1: that I'm going to take to to go down that road.
Speaker 1: I immediately felt like in my body for the first
Speaker 1: time in a really long time, and that was so incredible.
Speaker 1: I just felt in control again. I felt in control.
Speaker 1: And it's like I I acknowledged that fear, like what
Speaker 1: you were talking about, and I said it out loud,
Speaker 1: and then it freed me to be able to kind
Speaker 1: of take that make that daring choice to you know,
Speaker 1: go against our traditional ideals of you know, tell death
Speaker 1: to you part and and start a new life. Amazing.
Speaker 1: I wouldn't like listening to that. What I feel is
Speaker 1: that you you took ownership back of the fear, so
Speaker 1: by acknowledging it, by declaring it to your two or
Speaker 1: three best friends, loved ones in your life, the closest
Speaker 1: people to your heart in your life, by verbalizing it,
Speaker 1: and like exposing yourself like hey, I'm scared. This is terrifying.
Speaker 1: By doing that, in some weird way, you get ownership
Speaker 1: back of that fear. And now you don't have to
Speaker 1: pretend or shelter yourself or put on a facade, but
Speaker 1: you can actually wear the fear and start moving through it.
Speaker 1: And what it also does is it opens up your
Speaker 1: friends and they're gonna pour their heart into I'm sure
Speaker 1: you felt amazing support from them right after you did that.
Speaker 1: I had an unbelievable support system. I mean, I have
Speaker 1: great people in my life. Um, you know, they are
Speaker 1: a big part of the definition of why I am
Speaker 1: who I am. And um, you know, I think they
Speaker 1: all think that I was incredibly strong and during that time,
Speaker 1: but they also saw me on my back porch, you know,
Speaker 1: crying for you know, six hours straight and they went
Speaker 1: through it with me. And so there's you know, when
Speaker 1: you have a community like that that you know is
Speaker 1: surrounding you and you have that blessing to be able
Speaker 1: to be completely vulnerable and not be worried of the
Speaker 1: judgment that might come your way is a pretty valid
Speaker 1: piece of why I was able to make the decision
Speaker 1: to do it. I love that you just shared that
Speaker 1: little Thank you for sharing and being that open and
Speaker 1: trusting of our community to share that, because I don't
Speaker 1: want our listeners to think that because you've overcome fear
Speaker 1: that it was easier, that it wasn't sad or hard
Speaker 1: or disruptive or brought you emotions Like overcoming fear doesn't
Speaker 1: mean it's not just a hurdle you just step over.
Speaker 1: There's a lot of dredging and trudging and work that
Speaker 1: has to go into overcoming fear. I think about in
Speaker 1: my life the fears that I've overcome and been terrified,
Speaker 1: and it's been days or months of things that I've
Speaker 1: had to continually just make even baby steps to get through.
Speaker 1: But at some point you will get through and you'll
Speaker 1: take ownership of that fear. So I just don't want
Speaker 1: our community to think that, oh, that's just what I
Speaker 1: have to do. Acknowledge it, then I'm over it. No,
Speaker 1: it's still gonna be tough, but what you want is
Speaker 1: right on the Everything you want is right on the
Speaker 1: opposite side of that fear. Like you said, once you
Speaker 1: got through it, you're like, oh my god, I feel
Speaker 1: in my body again. You know, I hope I have
Speaker 1: control and inspiration and movement and a current in my life.
Speaker 1: Um So thank you for just sharing that. Yeah, like
Speaker 1: you went and sat on your porch and cried for
Speaker 1: six hours straight. You had people well, you know, people
Speaker 1: always think like when everybody weighs their options, I think,
Speaker 1: particularly in this scenario, like a long term relationship like that,
Speaker 1: you're so back and forth, and it's like, God, I
Speaker 1: just don't know what the right decision is, so I
Speaker 1: shouldn't make any decision. Yeah, if you don't know what
Speaker 1: the decision is, then I'll just wait for it to
Speaker 1: what smack you in the face one day and like
Speaker 1: you just wake up and you all of a sudden, no, No,
Speaker 1: you're not listening to your intuition. You're not listening to
Speaker 1: your gut. You're choosing to ignore all the signals that
Speaker 1: are right in front of you. Both your own signals
Speaker 1: here and you know whatever, You know the person sitting
Speaker 1: across from you that they are delivering, and if you
Speaker 1: don't acknowledge that, then you're you're losing. And applies professionally.
Speaker 1: Tisn't being stuck the worst feeling you can have. It's disagreating.
Speaker 1: It's worse than making the wrong decision in my opinion,
Speaker 1: right because if even if I had made the decision
Speaker 1: to stay wholeheartedly um and lived in that space, then
Speaker 1: that would have been the decision that I was going
Speaker 1: to make. And I think there's something really securing about
Speaker 1: landing on your feet and and really just going for
Speaker 1: it at some point, like there's all you kind of
Speaker 1: like are and this isn't business too. It's like you
Speaker 1: kind of a why I've used this all the time,
Speaker 1: But it's like, you know when you're at a pool
Speaker 1: and you're like, how do you visit over there? Can
Speaker 1: I jump in there? Or is it too shallow? And
Speaker 1: you're like walking around the pool, walking around the pool,
Speaker 1: but oh, I think I can do it here, And
Speaker 1: it's like eventually you're just gonna have to go for it.
Speaker 1: You're gonna have to trust your instincts and make a
Speaker 1: decision and hope to God you didn't just dive into
Speaker 1: the shallow and head first. You know. Um, I believe
Speaker 1: fear can be an inhibitor, and I fear. Believe fear.
Speaker 1: I believe fear can be a motivator for you. It
Speaker 1: seems that fear is a motivator. You don't work right
Speaker 1: towards everything that scares me. I said, I go right
Speaker 1: for everything that scares me. It's like gravity pull. My
Speaker 1: My dad used to say. The thing one of the
Speaker 1: greatest lessons my dad ever taught me was he always
Speaker 1: said he in his life, and he was a principal
Speaker 1: of our school. He said, I run towards the fire,
Speaker 1: and he always taught me that saying Brooks, run towards
Speaker 1: the fire, towards what you're scared of, what you're fearful of,
Speaker 1: run towards that. How do you I want to get
Speaker 1: from you, Tracy, how you have the courage to do that?
Speaker 1: Because fear is a scary thing, you know, like whether
Speaker 1: it's opening up to a person in a relationship with
Speaker 1: maybe it's a huge listing that you might potentially get. Like,
Speaker 1: how do you muster up the courage to say, I'm
Speaker 1: actually gonna dig into this thing even though I'm scared
Speaker 1: of it. I'm signing up and I'm showing up and
Speaker 1: I'm digging in versus what you said before, like oh,
Speaker 1: just kind of like dipping a toe in the water
Speaker 1: or just being like I didn't give it to my all.
Speaker 1: It's okay that I get it, Like, how do you
Speaker 1: lean into that fear? I think you know, in the beginning,
Speaker 1: it's an exercise. It was like anything else. I think, um,
Speaker 1: in the beginning, you really are just taking a leap
Speaker 1: of faith, Like Tracy said, if I try this and
Speaker 1: actually ran towards the fear, that I could maybe get
Speaker 1: the listing or have the relationship or whatever, and you
Speaker 1: really don't know, But I think the reward is once
Speaker 1: you do start making those decisions, you'll find yourself feeling
Speaker 1: so much more authentic. On the other side of things,
Speaker 1: you're so much more in your body, both emotionally, intuitively, mentally, physically. Um,
Speaker 1: you just start to feel different. And that's something you'll
Speaker 1: see in yourself when you start to make those decisions.
Speaker 1: And then I think it just becomes practice. It really
Speaker 1: has to become like a practice in your life. And
Speaker 1: there I think little things that you can do to
Speaker 1: sort of challenge yourself, Like if you're not really accustomed
Speaker 1: and you are that person who just over analyzes every
Speaker 1: single thing, there are steps that you can take to
Speaker 1: kind of go away from that, Like don't ask eighty
Speaker 1: eight people's opinion about a decision you're gonna make. You're
Speaker 1: gonna get eighty eight different opinions, eighty eight different opinions
Speaker 1: that are just going to dilute how you authentically feel
Speaker 1: about it. You know, I say, in business and in life,
Speaker 1: select the people that are important, a small small group
Speaker 1: of them, and they are going to be different in
Speaker 1: your life personally and in your life professionally. And you know,
Speaker 1: I have those people I know who they are. I
Speaker 1: can count them on each hand, and those are the
Speaker 1: people I go to for a variety of different reasons
Speaker 1: if I need to bounce how I'm feeling off of somebody.
Speaker 1: But you know, once you start to lose your grip
Speaker 1: on what your gut is really saying to you, then
Speaker 1: it's really difficult to come back to. And you'll find
Speaker 1: that the more and more you practice by like going
Speaker 1: to a friend, for example, and saying, like, you know,
Speaker 1: something as stupid as you know the other day we
Speaker 1: were talking about that TV show and you said you
Speaker 1: didn't like it. I like it, Like why don't you
Speaker 1: like it? You know, like this, like it's there's little
Speaker 1: tests that you can kind of give yourself and like
Speaker 1: we're going against a friend of your maybe they have
Speaker 1: an opinion about who you're dating or and you know,
Speaker 1: you don't really say anything, but you know it's bothering
Speaker 1: you like approach it and say, you know, it seems
Speaker 1: like you have like some opinions about what I'm what
Speaker 1: choices I'm making lately, what talk about it? And then
Speaker 1: all of a sudden you'll be like, oh, you know,
Speaker 1: and then you just you feel and then you you
Speaker 1: kind of throw those people off because they're not expecting
Speaker 1: you to actually, you know, speak up for yourself because
Speaker 1: you haven't before. And then it becomes this like you
Speaker 1: lay your head down on the pillow at night and
Speaker 1: you're not swallowing all that crap, and that's why you're
Speaker 1: not sleeping, and that's why people take you know, more
Speaker 1: and more people suffer from anxiety because it's like we
Speaker 1: don't release it. I think that's such a thing happening
Speaker 1: right now, especially with people with kids, because let's say
Speaker 1: one mom is a little looser about what the kids
Speaker 1: are allowed to do right now during the pandemic, and
Speaker 1: another mom is really tight on it. All these moms
Speaker 1: are so worried about judgment from the other mom and
Speaker 1: and maybe caving on what they feel is safe for
Speaker 1: their kid because they're feeling pressured by another parent. I
Speaker 1: see this with so many moms right now. How do
Speaker 1: you stay true to what you feel is right without
Speaker 1: getting that pressure from other people in relationships, business, and
Speaker 1: even right now, maybe with your kids. You know, I've
Speaker 1: always had a different kind of relationship with my daughters
Speaker 1: that I think is really authentic to me and them,
Speaker 1: And um, I'm I'm very honest with them about where
Speaker 1: I stand on certain issues, and they are they know
Speaker 1: me very intimately. I don't play the parent role from
Speaker 1: up here, um, you know, standing over them like I'm
Speaker 1: you know, God, you know, speaking to my disciples. Um.
Speaker 1: But I'm also not their best friend, so you know
Speaker 1: when I'm having conversations about this. And by the way,
Speaker 1: I'm a mom too, and I totally know what you're
Speaker 1: talking about. You know. I think it's about just being
Speaker 1: candid with the people that you are talking to, like
Speaker 1: this is this is not your choice, but this is
Speaker 1: how I do it in my family, and I want
Speaker 1: to make sure that you're comfortable with it. And if
Speaker 1: you're not comfortable with it, I totally get it. I'm
Speaker 1: just going to continue to do me and all of
Speaker 1: a sudden they'll be like, you know what, thank you
Speaker 1: for thank you for telling me, because I just didn't
Speaker 1: know really how to handle it. And you know what,
Speaker 1: I'm not comfortable because I have a kid at home.
Speaker 1: That is I haven't seen my best friend, my nearest
Speaker 1: and dearest since the beginning of February because she's got
Speaker 1: two kids that are at high risk and she just
Speaker 1: will not take a chance, and she's like, you're like
Speaker 1: a super spreader over here, and we we just had
Speaker 1: an honest dialogue about it, and I said, look, the
Speaker 1: bottom line is, you know, I I have seen more
Speaker 1: people I have already had this, and so I just
Speaker 1: I don't want to put you in a position to
Speaker 1: where I could potentially, um, you know, do something that
Speaker 1: might hurt your kids. And so you know, we just
Speaker 1: have that honest kind of relationship and I think she
Speaker 1: appreciates it, but I missed her like hell. But it's
Speaker 1: just the fact of you know, it's a simple fact
Speaker 1: that you've just got to be like authentic about it. Yeah.
Speaker 1: I think that's a big part of just the acknowledgement too,
Speaker 1: is is when you when you share that and opening
Speaker 1: up honesty, opening up genuine, real feelings and emotions. Kind
Speaker 1: of why I do this show because I'm not good
Speaker 1: at that stuff, and so that this is a platform
Speaker 1: to practice that stuff. But in doing that, people actually
Speaker 1: truly see you. They truly see you. And when you
Speaker 1: We've talked about this so many times on our show, um,
Speaker 1: and I've had a great response from men and women.
Speaker 1: But when I laid down my weapons, you know, his
Speaker 1: former professional athlete played in the NHL for fifteen years.
Speaker 1: Rugged spar contact sport. There's fighting in it, there's everybody.
Speaker 1: When I laid down my weapons of trying to be
Speaker 1: tough or trying to be Raboto or anything like that,
Speaker 1: actually say my heart is hurting or you know, I'm
Speaker 1: scared about this, or I'm not feeling confident about this.
Speaker 1: So many men then lay down theirs as well. It
Speaker 1: creates a ripple effect where people aren't trying to to
Speaker 1: show this persona of a strong person, they're actually hey,
Speaker 1: being vulnerable. And that's kind of become one of our
Speaker 1: missions with this show is opening people up, um, letting
Speaker 1: them overcome themselves or their fear of how they might
Speaker 1: be perceived from a best friend. You when your best
Speaker 1: friend had a conversation where you didn't really care how
Speaker 1: they were going to receive it. It was just honest
Speaker 1: and we're still my best friend. We need to figure
Speaker 1: what this up, what this is out? Um. So I
Speaker 1: love that you do it. I love that you take
Speaker 1: that step forward and then your friends. It's also a
Speaker 1: great filter for people in your life. Your friends will
Speaker 1: meet you there if they truly care about you. Absolutely,
Speaker 1: and I think that that's like, you know, sort of
Speaker 1: a guide for me. You know, I always try to
Speaker 1: lead with vulnerability, and we were talking with her right now,
Speaker 1: you know, people were like, she always laughs that people
Speaker 1: think I'm so tough, you know, and they're like, she
Speaker 1: is so not tough. She is such a bus because
Speaker 1: I do lead with vulnerability, even though I also so
Speaker 1: I am empowered in my in the decisions that I make,
Speaker 1: and and when I do have an opinion about something,
Speaker 1: I speak it, and so that becomes, you know, this
Speaker 1: this certain characteristic about me that seems to outshine all
Speaker 1: the rest, and obviously it's magnified on a TV show,
Speaker 1: but then you forget the other entire piece of it that,
Speaker 1: you know, the reason that I have incredible friendships and
Speaker 1: good people in my life is because I am vulnerable
Speaker 1: and I do. I'm the first to sort of say,
Speaker 1: you know what, that was insensitive of me, and I
Speaker 1: think I was really self involved in that moment, and
Speaker 1: I hurt you, and I'm so sorry. It doesn't mean
Speaker 1: I love you any less. I'm crazy about you, but
Speaker 1: I was living in my moment and you were living
Speaker 1: in yours, and I just completely did not acknowledge that
Speaker 1: and I'm sorry. I think it's so interesting with women
Speaker 1: in business that they are perceived as tough, like successful
Speaker 1: women in business, they're perceived as so tough and strong
Speaker 1: and bitchy or badassy, whatever the word is. But when
Speaker 1: you really know those people, their actual character outside of
Speaker 1: work is usually like they're the most sensitive, vulnerable, um,
Speaker 1: whatever the words are. And I'm kind of getting that
Speaker 1: from you, that you almost have two sides to you, absolutely,
Speaker 1: and it's it. Really I struggled with it a lot
Speaker 1: in the first and second season because everybody's perception of
Speaker 1: me was and you know, I read a lot of
Speaker 1: really nasty tweets and Facebook and people are just trolls
Speaker 1: and just you know, nasty, nasty people. And I still
Speaker 1: get it, you know, I mean to be honest with you,
Speaker 1: like I you know, I log in the to post
Speaker 1: something on Instagram, and I remember I posted just recently
Speaker 1: a picture of my boyfriend and I which I hadn't
Speaker 1: and you cannot fathom the distasteful comments when we were
Speaker 1: smiling and happy and had just nothing but you know,
Speaker 1: not put nothing but love out there. And you know,
Speaker 1: I got nine of that love back, and then there
Speaker 1: was ten percent of just some really dark ship and
Speaker 1: it's just one of those moments where you know, the
Speaker 1: people that loved me kind of came out of the
Speaker 1: woodworks and you know, and me as well. And I
Speaker 1: did snap into um that mode um and defended myself.
Speaker 1: And it was really one of those things where I said,
Speaker 1: you know, I could sit here and pretend not to
Speaker 1: respond or that I don't see it, or I could
Speaker 1: delete the comments, and I was like, no, this is horseshit.
Speaker 1: I'm going to be vulnerable. I was vulnerable and I'm
Speaker 1: getting attacked and I'm not going to stand for it. Um.
Speaker 1: And so there is that piece of sort of speaking
Speaker 1: up for yourself um, and for your vulnerability, you know,
Speaker 1: on behalf of yourself um, which I think people you
Speaker 1: know sometimes don't do enough. Like if you put yourself
Speaker 1: out there again personally or professionally, and um it's not
Speaker 1: received well for whatever reason, that you don't then have
Speaker 1: the right to respond to that. UM. I love that.
Speaker 1: I love what you just said. You've got to be
Speaker 1: your own like biggest advocate. Yes, So I love I
Speaker 1: love that on two fronts. Tracy. First, UM, it's okay.
Speaker 1: I want to acknowledge that it's okay to be two
Speaker 1: different people. It's okay to to Like I was on
Speaker 1: the ice as a professional anthor, I got in fights,
Speaker 1: I tried to hit people, hurt people, beat people up.
Speaker 1: I tried to do that. But as a that just
Speaker 1: allowed me to perform and thrive in that arena. But
Speaker 1: in my life, I just want to love everybody. I
Speaker 1: don't want to hate people. I don't want to have
Speaker 1: hatred or rivalries like that's not what my soul wants.
Speaker 1: But in the in the business element, that's what I
Speaker 1: needed to do there UM to survive and thrive. And
Speaker 1: I love how you have that same sort of fabric
Speaker 1: and that you can turn that on, you know, like
Speaker 1: the book if here as a poor letter word, how
Speaker 1: to develop unstoppable confidence to own any room. So you
Speaker 1: have the ability to turn that on in that environment.
Speaker 1: But also say, like I'm a person, I have a
Speaker 1: heartbeat the same as you have, feelings and emotions the
Speaker 1: same as you, UM, but also be able to be
Speaker 1: to be independent enough, confident enough, strong enough, tough enough,
Speaker 1: resilient enough to stand up when others are trying to
Speaker 1: press that or put that down here like you said,
Speaker 1: troll you UM, can you can you speak to how
Speaker 1: that how that characteristic within you allows you in your
Speaker 1: business world, in the business world to like command a room,
Speaker 1: to take presence and ownership and leadership of a room,
Speaker 1: especially if it's filled with men. Um. You know, I
Speaker 1: think there's a couple of different things that I do
Speaker 1: in It depends on you know, who you're sitting across from.
Speaker 1: And think there's different personality types, and I think you
Speaker 1: have to navigate different personalities in different ways, you know. UM.
Speaker 1: One thing I talk a lot about is mirroring some
Speaker 1: of those personality types. And I think it's important to um.
Speaker 1: You know, if you find yourself in a room with
Speaker 1: like a creative type, you know, a lot of times
Speaker 1: those personalities, you know, particularly in like Hollywood, your writers
Speaker 1: or directors or um that I have been my clients there,
Speaker 1: these fantastic personalities and they can dominate the room because
Speaker 1: they have great ideas and oftentimes, like I can be
Speaker 1: attracted to that because they're interesting and they're thinking outside
Speaker 1: of the box. But they're also hard to keep focused, right,
Speaker 1: So you know, I'll come into a room you know
Speaker 1: differently for someone like that, and I would with you know,
Speaker 1: someone that is you know, perhaps like the guy with
Speaker 1: the client end of mine that has been on the
Speaker 1: show the last two weeks. I mean, he has an
Speaker 1: ego that is is larger than the state of California.
Speaker 1: So I had to with him. I I really couldn't
Speaker 1: showcase any vowner ability because he had He was the
Speaker 1: type that looked for the whole and would like and
Speaker 1: jab you like I remember I was walking him through
Speaker 1: the house and that this did end up making the show,
Speaker 1: and he looked at me in the master bedroom and
Speaker 1: I was looking around and saying what a great view
Speaker 1: it was. And he looked at his business partner, who
Speaker 1: remained silent the whole showing, and he said, look at her.
Speaker 1: She looks a little bit nervous, doesn't she doesn't she, Robert,
Speaker 1: He's a little nervous, Tracy. And he was like he
Speaker 1: was just completely just outright coming for me. And I
Speaker 1: just looked right back at him, staring in point blank
Speaker 1: in the eye, and I said, I'm not nervous at all.
Speaker 1: I don't really get what was the purpose of him
Speaker 1: saying that he wanted to throw me. And I couldn't
Speaker 1: figure out in the moment why. I realized later that
Speaker 1: there was there was something, you know. I mean, he's
Speaker 1: a masochist number one, um, but there's also something about
Speaker 1: him that he got pleasure in watching me squirm. But
Speaker 1: I think he wanted to see me survive it. He
Speaker 1: wanted to see if I could continue on and I did,
Speaker 1: and at the end of it, you know, he offered
Speaker 1: me the portfolio. But I remember he also said to me,
Speaker 1: you know, you realize if you fail, I will fire you,
Speaker 1: like like that's a necessary thing to say, if you
Speaker 1: feel I will fire you. And I said, I don't fail.
Speaker 1: That's such an interesting to fail. But I couldn't in
Speaker 1: that moment. I couldn't. I couldn't showcase any vulnerability, like well,
Speaker 1: I mean I understand that, Scott, but you know, I
Speaker 1: don't think I'm gonna fail or you know, I really
Speaker 1: am a hard worker and I think you're gonna be
Speaker 1: really like, I couldn't play that that role of vulnerable female.
Speaker 1: It wouldn't have worked with him. Do you experience that
Speaker 1: a lot where your own clients seem like they're sort
Speaker 1: of combative against you. He was a special case. I
Speaker 1: learned a lot from that relationship. I've had a few
Speaker 1: very difficult clients over the year that that wanted to
Speaker 1: challenge me for a variety of reasons. Um and I
Speaker 1: just continually remind them that I have twenty years of
Speaker 1: experience in this arena and that they hired me for
Speaker 1: a reason. So you know, if if they're not a
Speaker 1: fan of my opinion or way to navigate the deal,
Speaker 1: then perhaps they should go somewhere else. And I'm not
Speaker 1: that's so weird. I that's so bizarre because I always
Speaker 1: sort of interpreted the agent as the person that's like
Speaker 1: going to bat for you and trying to help you.
Speaker 1: So it sounds so strange that you would want to
Speaker 1: be like have as opponent make money until your house closes.
Speaker 1: So believe me, we are doing everything that we can
Speaker 1: to sell your apps. Like otherwise we're just working for
Speaker 1: fun and this isn't fun. Along with that, how do
Speaker 1: you maintain like a as a woman in the market
Speaker 1: play area in the business world? How do you how
Speaker 1: do you navigate and still maintain the level of femininity
Speaker 1: or female energy that you are proud of that is
Speaker 1: congruent with how you want to live your life, because
Speaker 1: sometimes it is going to be challenged, Like you just said,
Speaker 1: with this gentleman, you like You're like, I can't, I
Speaker 1: can't give in there. Um, I need to stand up
Speaker 1: and be firm. But how do you how do you
Speaker 1: not just get carried away with doing that all the
Speaker 1: time and have that become your business persona. Is it
Speaker 1: just you know your compass of where you want to
Speaker 1: be in your energy or I think it's too I
Speaker 1: think I have the chapter that I talk a lot
Speaker 1: about this. It's called fight like a Girl All and
Speaker 1: it's about you know, embracing sort of your feminine um
Speaker 1: energy in a room that maybe has those types of dynamics.
Speaker 1: And you know, I will, in a moment go with
Speaker 1: my intuition, and based on who's sitting across from me,
Speaker 1: I will either go with the more direct approach where
Speaker 1: I'm defending you know, where I have to look and
Speaker 1: square in the eye and say, don't you know, don't
Speaker 1: speak to me like that ever again. Or you know,
Speaker 1: in some cases you can sort of play to the
Speaker 1: room as long as you know what your goal is
Speaker 1: and and you know something that we have in spades
Speaker 1: I think as women is our intuition. I think we
Speaker 1: do listen to it more than the average men. Not all,
Speaker 1: I mean, you are oddly um, intuitive and as a male, uh,
Speaker 1: and to talk to I mean, you're super connected, but
Speaker 1: more often than not, particularly in business, you're not going
Speaker 1: to experience that. So you have to try to figure
Speaker 1: out if you need to sort of play to that room.
Speaker 1: If you're in a room full of men that you
Speaker 1: know happen to think you are pretty and that that
Speaker 1: charming and charming and that that's working for you, then
Speaker 1: I say, more power to you. Don't shy away from that.
Speaker 1: And that's something that's kind of controversial because then you're
Speaker 1: overtly what sexual or you're overtly you're playing to the crowd.
Speaker 1: And you know, I don't see what's wrong with that.
Speaker 1: I I think if the tables were turned, uh, and
Speaker 1: a man was had the opportunity to play to his
Speaker 1: masculine strengths, he's going to do that all day long,
Speaker 1: talking about what a badass he was in football that weekend,
Speaker 1: or who he went out with on Friday night and
Speaker 1: check her out and like all this kind of like
Speaker 1: macho stuff. And yet as a woman, you know, you've
Speaker 1: got to be really careful about playing to that because
Speaker 1: that could cause you a lot of issues. So it's
Speaker 1: a fine line. But I think sort of honoring your
Speaker 1: feminine power is a big piece of fighting like a
Speaker 1: girl and knowing when to do that powerful awesome. UM.
Speaker 1: We only have you for a couple more minutes, so
Speaker 1: I want to touch on this, UM, how are you
Speaker 1: able to successfully navigate the the superpower businesswoman TV book,
Speaker 1: real estate agent for one of the popular state agents
Speaker 1: in l A. How are you able to successfully do
Speaker 1: that and still navigate being a full time and president
Speaker 1: loving mother. UM. A lot of our community as female,
Speaker 1: and a lot of them are mothers. What advice would
Speaker 1: you give them on how you figured out on how
Speaker 1: to have this UM? This balance. I don't know if
Speaker 1: the balance is the right word, but of professional and
Speaker 1: personal UM, it's one word imperfection. Embrace it. It's really empowering.
Speaker 1: You know, you can try to be a hundred percent
Speaker 1: all the time to your kids, and a hundred percent
Speaker 1: all the time to your career, and a hundred percent
Speaker 1: to your partner. But we all know in the real world,
Speaker 1: if we're really being honest with ourselves, we can't be
Speaker 1: a hundred percent to everybody all of the time. And
Speaker 1: you have to make decisions every single day in that
Speaker 1: moment of what is the most important thing right now,
Speaker 1: who's sitting in front of me, who is who is
Speaker 1: craving and needing my attention. I talked to my girls
Speaker 1: about it very openly. I say to them, I'm gonna
Speaker 1: miss the horse show next week, and because I have
Speaker 1: a really important pitch. I mean, I'm making this up,
Speaker 1: but you know, I keep that dialogue open. And I
Speaker 1: talked to them about how important my work is to
Speaker 1: me because I have to put food on the table,
Speaker 1: not because I have a hobby and I enjoy being
Speaker 1: away from them, but because I actually am want to
Speaker 1: raise my girls to see a successful working woman who
Speaker 1: can take care of herself. Um. And so there's that
Speaker 1: piece of it, and then there's just the the absolute
Speaker 1: acceptance that were imperfect. And I just feel like when
Speaker 1: you can accept that and you know not, I feel
Speaker 1: like you have to be snack mom and soccer mom
Speaker 1: and career mom and all of these things. I can't
Speaker 1: be snack mom. It's just not going to work out
Speaker 1: for me. And my kids understand that. But I remember,
Speaker 1: like early on, when they were in kindergarten, first grade,
Speaker 1: I was like, you know, I was at this school,
Speaker 1: this private school that that both of the girls are
Speaker 1: going to and I used to be like, well, I
Speaker 1: have to do the fair because everybody does the fair,
Speaker 1: and so I better volunteer, you know. And I was
Speaker 1: like killing myself trying to like keep up with the Joneses.
Speaker 1: And then finally I had I sat down with the
Speaker 1: head of the school of female had taken over the school,
Speaker 1: and I sat down, I had a meeting with her
Speaker 1: and I was like, listen, I'm going through a divorce,
Speaker 1: I am working full time, hardy than I ever have,
Speaker 1: and I just can't I can't come in and do
Speaker 1: snack on Friday. And she started laughing and she was like, honey,
Speaker 1: you don't need to worry about Friday snack or you know,
Speaker 1: volunteer and she made we have this really great talk
Speaker 1: and I said thank you, because I just I can't
Speaker 1: stand the pressure and I feel so judged by it,
Speaker 1: and it's like I'm I'm doing it to myself. So
Speaker 1: I completely like all of it. I haven't been up
Speaker 1: to that damn school except for picking up in two years,
Speaker 1: and I feel like I am still a great mom. Yeah,
Speaker 1: you seem to have your boundaries really set, Like I
Speaker 1: think that's one thing A lot of people struggle with
Speaker 1: is their their boundaries get encroached upon and then they're
Speaker 1: pleasing everybody else but not themselves, and then the word
Speaker 1: then the worst version of them and the inevitably comes
Speaker 1: out and you seem to have a great grasp on
Speaker 1: protecting yourself your boundaries. And I lost it, you know,
Speaker 1: I lost it to the head of school and she
Speaker 1: was like, you did not need to be like a
Speaker 1: mess right now. You need to fine with the decision
Speaker 1: that you've made. But it's like, I think all moms
Speaker 1: do that to themselves, and particularly single moms at work.
Speaker 1: It's like we have this like insane maternal gilt that says,
Speaker 1: if we're not doing everything all of the time, then
Speaker 1: we we suck at this. And it's like, now you don't.
Speaker 1: Your story is incredible. You should write a book, Tracy
Speaker 1: um where I know you gotta go. You have a
Speaker 1: listening to get to um. Where can people find the
Speaker 1: book that just launched yesterday? Oh, you guys can find it.
Speaker 1: You can go to my website Tracy Tutor dot com
Speaker 1: backslash book very easy if you live in the US. Obviously,
Speaker 1: to get it on Amazon where there's hard copy available.
Speaker 1: UM so I encourage you guys to go out and
Speaker 1: get it. And then you can find me on Instagram
Speaker 1: at Tracy Tutor. If you have any questions about the
Speaker 1: book or whatever. D m me. I try to get
Speaker 1: back to everybody. A amazing I can't wait to check
Speaker 1: it out. And then the show is coming out of
Speaker 1: the twelve is a twelfth season of Million. Yeah, this
Speaker 1: show is out. We're airing um every Tuesday night at
Speaker 1: nine pm on Bravo and tune in and and what
Speaker 1: It's a really interesting season. Okay, So now the single
Speaker 1: most important question I've asked you the entire show. We've
Speaker 1: covered a lot of things. Tell me when you were
Speaker 1: ready for a Tracy, I'm ready. I'm in the market
Speaker 1: for a house. Will you represent me? Yes, even get
Speaker 1: to talk about it. Are you really looking for a
Speaker 1: house in l A? I kind of have a soft
Speaker 1: goal of like buying myself just because La is locked
Speaker 1: down right now. I'm up at my lake house in
Speaker 1: Idaho and l A's kind of locked down even yesterday
Speaker 1: just scaled back even more. Um. I kind of want
Speaker 1: to watch the market and what goes on in the
Speaker 1: next year, and I sort of have off goal of
Speaker 1: buying myself a house uh in l A by my birthday,
Speaker 1: which is end of June next year. So I'm I'm
Speaker 1: already looking. I've walked through a couple I've checked it out.
Speaker 1: I'm watching on on the internet what's coming up daily
Speaker 1: kind of thing, and just well I'm looking. I'm looking
Speaker 1: to Brooks because I feel like, you know, with everything
Speaker 1: that's going on and the climate right now, uh, you know,
Speaker 1: end of this year, first part of next year is
Speaker 1: going to be a really good time to buy. So
Speaker 1: I mean that's when I'm going to be out shopping
Speaker 1: for myself. So if that gives you any confidence, you
Speaker 1: happen to be, you know, entering the market at a
Speaker 1: really good time, yeah, I hope. So yeah, So for
Speaker 1: the foreseeable future, I'm gonna be just here, and I
Speaker 1: to hope because I can be outside, i can be
Speaker 1: on the waterkay. My dog loves it here. Um and
Speaker 1: so friends come visit, you know. Just I love it
Speaker 1: up in the Pacific Northwest. It's just it's my heart
Speaker 1: and soul. But l A is also home, and l
Speaker 1: A will be home for me. So in the market
Speaker 1: for a new home. So if you will have to
Speaker 1: connect from this and and talk about what you're really
Speaker 1: looking for, and we'll keep an eye out for you. Tracy,
Speaker 1: You're the best. Thank you so much. Thank you for
Speaker 1: your sharing your story with us. Please go check out
Speaker 1: her new book, um and I can't wait to read it.
Speaker 1: And then when I'm back in l A. Would love
Speaker 1: to meet you sometime and yes, help you. I love it.
Speaker 1: Thank you, Tracy, cheers to take care, have a great week. Brooks. Now,
Speaker 1: I have a relationship question, and I'm gonna have to
Speaker 1: stick with you to answer it, because I was hoping
Speaker 1: Tracy was gonna answer it, but she had to go,
Speaker 1: So you're gonna have to do it, Okay, I'll try
Speaker 1: my best, Amy, you know. So Okay, So it was
Speaker 1: fitting when you bring me your relationship stuff, So it
Speaker 1: was fitting for her because of fear. So here is
Speaker 1: the conundrum, and I'm so curious your take on it. Okay.
Speaker 1: So when I'm like confident in my relationship, all is good.
Speaker 1: But when I get anxious, like I sometimes get anxious like,
Speaker 1: oh no, what if he doesn't like me anymore? Is
Speaker 1: he going to break up with me? I get more
Speaker 1: needy and kind of clingy and call more and text more,
Speaker 1: and I would say, a guy would be like, that's
Speaker 1: so annoying, and but it's like this circle. So when
Speaker 1: I do that, then he's more like, uh, pulls back,
Speaker 1: which makes me more anxious. And luckily we did talk
Speaker 1: about it. I was like, if you just can reassure
Speaker 1: me once in a blue moon that everything's good, then
Speaker 1: I'm less worried about it. But like, how do we
Speaker 1: do that ourselves without having to have that conversation and
Speaker 1: like get into this weird circle? How do you not
Speaker 1: worry so much about that which then takes you down
Speaker 1: that rabbit hole of anxiety and fear and then acting
Speaker 1: cleany and weird and needy when that's not really even
Speaker 1: who you are. Does that make sense? Did I explain
Speaker 1: it right? Yeah? Someone My first question is like, what
Speaker 1: is causing me anser siety? Is it like, oh, he
Speaker 1: hasn't called me in three days or I haven't spoken
Speaker 1: with him in a week, Like, yes, that is warranted anxiety.
Speaker 1: Or is life just that's a really that's such a
Speaker 1: good that's a really good question. I think it's just
Speaker 1: life is so anxiety filled right now that I just go, oh,
Speaker 1: let's just add this anxiety to it too, you know,
Speaker 1: what I mean. That was my first question is like, like,
Speaker 1: has has he done something where you're like, wow, the
Speaker 1: thing is really off. No, so he's been himself and
Speaker 1: been the same and now all of a sudden like yeah.
Speaker 1: And I'm so curious for people to answer this question too.
Speaker 1: Is that a girl thing that girls just do where
Speaker 1: we get like worried in quotes are like, uh, does
Speaker 1: he like me? Is that a girl thing? Like? I
Speaker 1: don't really think guys do that. Let me so let
Speaker 1: me go with that. I would say I would not
Speaker 1: put that as a gender specific thing. Um. I think
Speaker 1: all human beings, regardless who you are, if you are
Speaker 1: the president of the United States, even all, let's not
Speaker 1: bring him up. But well, I mean I'm talking whatever.
Speaker 1: I mean, a person in immense power positions right right right,
Speaker 1: All human beings undoubtedly go through an EBB and a
Speaker 1: flow of of supreme confidence and that sometimes lack of
Speaker 1: confidence and self doubt. And speaking from experience myself, even
Speaker 1: I was a I had a very successful hockey career.
Speaker 1: I felt supremely confident most of the time because I
Speaker 1: trusted my preparation, trusted my passion, the work that I
Speaker 1: put in, the amount of intensity that I put in.
Speaker 1: But still even with all of that built up, there
Speaker 1: were still many, many, many times of self doubt of jeez,
Speaker 1: how come I am I good enough? How come it's
Speaker 1: not going my way right now? Like even though I
Speaker 1: prepared the same, I worked the same, I rested the same,
Speaker 1: nothing had changed, just the natural ebb and flow of life.
Speaker 1: Is I just went through a little bit of self
Speaker 1: doubt or a little bit of whatever. But it's not
Speaker 1: it's not self deprecating if you just acknowledge and recognize
Speaker 1: it and acknowledge like, hey, I'm actually doing the work. Um,
Speaker 1: the result maybe isn't exactly what I want, but um,
Speaker 1: I don't know. That's just my own take on it.
Speaker 1: So is it better to sort of, okay, so let's say,
Speaker 1: in your relationship, is it better to actually acknowledge it
Speaker 1: to you're you know, boyfriend and just go, oh, I'm
Speaker 1: feeling a little anxious, that's why this is happening. Or
Speaker 1: is it better to kind of like just do it
Speaker 1: on your own and like maybe meditate or say to yourself, like,
Speaker 1: this is based on nothing, get your ship together and
Speaker 1: don't put this on other people. Which one is the
Speaker 1: way to go for me, it worked better to talk
Speaker 1: to him about it because it kind of just got
Speaker 1: rid of it really quick. But is it better to
Speaker 1: do it yourself. I don't know the answer to that either.
Speaker 1: I don't know that you have to answer that one
Speaker 1: way is better than the other. I think both are
Speaker 1: very helpful and can be used at different times at
Speaker 1: the same time, Like maybe it's sometime you're like, wow,
Speaker 1: like he's really not doing anything, it's just me, and
Speaker 1: let me just like go to a meditation class or
Speaker 1: be peaceful and serene, or go on a walk and
Speaker 1: clear my head and just like you know, and then
Speaker 1: maybe come back and then just voice it to him
Speaker 1: quickly and just like I was feeling this, it's probably me,
Speaker 1: as Tracy said, it's probably me just in my own stuff,
Speaker 1: and I apologize for it. I'm just feeling this want
Speaker 1: to bring voice to it. That's why you're in a partnership.
Speaker 1: Like you're in a partnership, you have somebody on your side,
Speaker 1: you have a teammate, and not using them is not
Speaker 1: a partnership, right. I like that advice because I think
Speaker 1: that's true. If you if you're not able to admit
Speaker 1: it or ask or just explain then what are you doing? Yeah,
Speaker 1: and you're not you're not even letting that person in them,
Speaker 1: you know. If and look at it this way, like
Speaker 1: if you if you're part know Amy was struggling with
Speaker 1: that same thing, you would say, just come ask me. Yeah, yeah, yeah, talk,
Speaker 1: come talk to me. I'm here for you, like yeah,
Speaker 1: I'll reassure you everything's good. Or you know, maybe when
Speaker 1: you go ask them they're like, no, everything is bad.
Speaker 1: I don't want to scare you. Abe, I already handled
Speaker 1: it before I asked you about it, because I would
Speaker 1: have been so anxious if I asked you, I would
Speaker 1: to like started balling right now. But truthfully, that's that's
Speaker 1: the point of a partnership is to have somebody to
Speaker 1: lean on, somebody to be in something together. So they
Speaker 1: otherwise they're in a partnership and you're not. If you
Speaker 1: and you would say to them, come to me, like,
Speaker 1: come to me. I'm your person, like I'll help you
Speaker 1: if you're struggling with something, let me know. So I
Speaker 1: have a chance to help you because I love you
Speaker 1: to bring my heart to you so um. But then
Speaker 1: I would also say, like there are other times when
Speaker 1: you can recognize and be like this is just a
Speaker 1: small thing. I just need to clean myself up a
Speaker 1: little bit here. Whatever is a personal development practice that
Speaker 1: works for me, a good mindset. I like that clean
Speaker 1: myself up a little bit. That's a really good way
Speaker 1: to say it. It's like it's like you shower almost
Speaker 1: You're like, I just gotta like clean myself up. That's
Speaker 1: a good good way to say it. Maybe just emotionally
Speaker 1: or a little soul wise or a little like so
Speaker 1: that you're not just always dumping on this person. You know,
Speaker 1: it's probably like then it's like you want me. If
Speaker 1: it was me and you were always dumping on me,
Speaker 1: it's like I always have to do the work for you,
Speaker 1: right if I see you, if you're like, hey, I
Speaker 1: need I just need a morning or something, I want
Speaker 1: to go to a meditation class with just kind of
Speaker 1: struggling and whatever, and then you come home in a
Speaker 1: better state. I'm like, Wow, she was struggling with something
Speaker 1: and went and worked on herself. And I see that
Speaker 1: independence versus that clinging and neediness. You know, so well, yeah,
Speaker 1: and as soon as I felt confident, like he was like, no,
Speaker 1: everything's good, You're just being annoying. And then I was like, Oh,
Speaker 1: I'll be less annoying now that I know everything's good,
Speaker 1: and I totally am. It's like so weird how we
Speaker 1: mess with ourselves. Basically me before we go? Did you
Speaker 1: already like read that that email from the listener? I
Speaker 1: think next week we should have like all those questions
Speaker 1: and answer a bunch of questions. But should we do
Speaker 1: one before we go? The one from Maria? Yeah? Read it? Okay,
Speaker 1: So here's that question. We always love when our listeners
Speaker 1: send us questions. We read them all and we pull
Speaker 1: it from him, the most popular or themed ones, the
Speaker 1: best ones that we share them on the show. So
Speaker 1: this one's from the listener, Maria, and she said. Brooks
Speaker 1: said that he has learned to be more in touch
Speaker 1: with his emotions this past year. I'm wondering where did
Speaker 1: the lack of being emotionally in touch come from? Hockey,
Speaker 1: locker room culture, family dynamics, or somewhere else. How can
Speaker 1: you effectively communicate as the new you without being a
Speaker 1: giant feather ruffler to those who have not changed along
Speaker 1: with f you? UM question a wonderful question. It's like Maria,
Speaker 1: it's an amazing question, and so to answer it truthfully,
Speaker 1: and I've figured this out being on the other side
Speaker 1: of hockey and being retired from hockey. Now, Um, the
Speaker 1: reason I was, I was conditioned that way, I was
Speaker 1: cultured that way. I am. I was not born that way.
Speaker 1: I don't believe and just spoke about this with Tracy.
Speaker 1: I do not believe that a human being is born
Speaker 1: with hatred or rivalry or anthemy like qualities that that's
Speaker 1: what they want in their life. Um. I believe human
Speaker 1: beings are born with joy and pleasure and happiness and
Speaker 1: kindness and love in their heart. And so when I
Speaker 1: think of my soul, truthfully, when I think of my soul,
Speaker 1: I think of my soul is just you know me, Amy.
Speaker 1: I have a massive heart, and I want to give
Speaker 1: to people and love people. I want that to be
Speaker 1: my legacy on the earth that I just love massively.
Speaker 1: Um and so I but in in hockey, you get
Speaker 1: beat up pretty quick if you go out there like yeah, yeah, yeah,
Speaker 1: the you literally get paid because you need to win.
Speaker 1: So to win, you need to beat the other team.
Speaker 1: And I just can't go out there and love everybody
Speaker 1: and try and serve their mission. I gotta go out
Speaker 1: there and beat people so through the sport. Um, it
Speaker 1: wasn't something that was taught to me by my parents.
Speaker 1: You need to be this way to thrive. I think
Speaker 1: it was the a little bit of the hockey culture,
Speaker 1: a little bit of locker room, but mainly myself in
Speaker 1: trying to and I've said this many times, I tried
Speaker 1: to weaponize every part of myself to be able to
Speaker 1: succeed at hockey, and that includes emotions. So as a
Speaker 1: professional athlete, we actually we actually train sensory deprivation training,
Speaker 1: which means you is that you train yourself not to
Speaker 1: feel You train yourself not to feel pain. Can I
Speaker 1: physically push my body for further? Can I go longer?
Speaker 1: Can I train harder and longer? Um, you train yourself
Speaker 1: not to hear noise. We're in a building with eighteen
Speaker 1: twenty screaming people. I don't want to hear that noise.
Speaker 1: I need to focus on this. I don't want to
Speaker 1: see that distraction. The people on the glass banging right
Speaker 1: in your face. You know, you see you see players,
Speaker 1: You see like a player standing calm and still, and
Speaker 1: you see chaos around the fans or people banging like
Speaker 1: they've trained themselves. They have sensory deprivation training where they
Speaker 1: don't get rattled by all of this stuff, and the
Speaker 1: same goes for emotions, and it's very unhealthy. I remember
Speaker 1: being at a funeral of my next door neighbor Ura Wilson,
Speaker 1: who was almost like a grandmother to me because my
Speaker 1: grandma was seven hours away or On Albert lived right
Speaker 1: across the street from us, and when she passed, I
Speaker 1: think I was about twenty two years old, and I
Speaker 1: remember intentionally stuffing feelings at her funeral. He said that
Speaker 1: this would make me stronger. You My brother started crying
Speaker 1: next to me, and I felt the emotion coming up
Speaker 1: of crying for or as she were so close to them,
Speaker 1: and I stuffed that down because I'm like, this is
Speaker 1: gonna make me stronger. Nobody told me to do that. Nobody,
Speaker 1: no coach told me to do that. My parents didn't
Speaker 1: tell me to do that. I did it myself. And
Speaker 1: when I look back at that now, that's such an
Speaker 1: extremist and such an unhealthy way to live. Um And
Speaker 1: that's some of the can be what I'm trying to
Speaker 1: undo from my sport, and that's why my emotions have
Speaker 1: started to come out in the last year. That's why
Speaker 1: I'm having this conversation today with you and with with
Speaker 1: Tracy like a year ago. I'm not jumping on a
Speaker 1: call to talk about how it does a woman, you know,
Speaker 1: maintain their femininity in a marketplace or in a business life.
Speaker 1: You know. Having this conversation is practice for me to
Speaker 1: get more in touch with my actual true soul and
Speaker 1: my true heart and feelings versus what I had cultured
Speaker 1: myself to be through sport. Yeah good, it feels better.
Speaker 1: Probably stuffing it down, they say that doesn't really work,
Speaker 1: So it feels so I feel so much more like pree.
Speaker 1: I sleep beautifully, yeah, yeah, deliberate. I feel honest and
Speaker 1: authentic and truthful, you know. And I've you've seen me cry.
Speaker 1: I've cried my eyes out to you, like you've seen I.
Speaker 1: I lost we lost our dogs, Lexie and Harley last year,
Speaker 1: like just wrecked me, you know. Like there's been so
Speaker 1: many things in my My heart has broke open in
Speaker 1: so many ways that actually I now allow myself to
Speaker 1: feel it. The armor that I put on it has
Speaker 1: come off and it's starting to crack and come off.
Speaker 1: And now I can actually feel my heart and my
Speaker 1: emotions and I love them. Even crying has come back
Speaker 1: into my life. Luckily, you've never seen me cry never,
Speaker 1: not not not any of the times that you've walked
Speaker 1: into my heart more with your hair a mass and
Speaker 1: your son us is on and I just said let's
Speaker 1: have it, and you mean not every other Tuesday. Um anyway,
Speaker 1: I mean, I'm just I always cry. It just pours out.
Speaker 1: I sometimes, especially these days, like I find myself just
Speaker 1: crying all the time. Like it's just so emotional and
Speaker 1: hard on people. Right now, it's like everything makes me cry.
Speaker 1: I mean, I like put a little mask on my
Speaker 1: nine year old niece and I'm like, oh, this is
Speaker 1: so emotional in ways, like it's just you go, okay,
Speaker 1: this is life. And then I think about them going
Speaker 1: to school, and it's like I want them to go
Speaker 1: to school and I don't want them to go to
Speaker 1: school at all. It's like I don't know how everything
Speaker 1: is fearful, like we've talked about today and how do
Speaker 1: you sort of navigate that. It's like, let me just
Speaker 1: do our best amy truthfully, nobody there's no playbook for this.
Speaker 1: No nobody has the answers because we don't know what's coming,
Speaker 1: you know, So we just we just do our best,
Speaker 1: try our best, surround ourselves with people we love, and
Speaker 1: like today, I cried today. I had a deep heartfelt
Speaker 1: conversation today with a person and I cried this morning
Speaker 1: in that conversation. And I love it. I love it
Speaker 1: because it actually means I'm actually expressing my full heart
Speaker 1: like any any person that you can see it, and
Speaker 1: especially in man. You can are in anybody, but you
Speaker 1: can see when emotions start coming up on a person.
Speaker 1: You can visually there's your body will show those signs
Speaker 1: of emotions coming up. And then people that push it
Speaker 1: back down to regain composure and control aren't actually expressing
Speaker 1: the true potential of their heart and their love. And
Speaker 1: so for me, when I feel that start coming up,
Speaker 1: I've now learned and I'm now conditioning myself to just
Speaker 1: let that poor out because my mission in life is
Speaker 1: to love truly, to love. So if emotion is coming,
Speaker 1: it's coming, you know. And I used to stop it.
Speaker 1: I used to stop it because it served me in hockey.
Speaker 1: Now that hockey is not in my life, have been
Speaker 1: able to make and I've just evolved as a man
Speaker 1: and as a human being, I've been able to make
Speaker 1: so many more strides to opening up my heart. And yeah,
Speaker 1: I think if you stop it, it makes you sick. Oh,
Speaker 1: if I believe that, I believe it's to some sort
Speaker 1: of cancer or some sort of or diarrhea. At least
Speaker 1: I was going to long term, like somebody that has
Speaker 1: this tendency to do this for a decade or decades,
Speaker 1: that it's gonna turn into a tumor or something. But
Speaker 1: you're like, no, right now, it's coming never. I always
Speaker 1: want to work diarrhea into the show somehow. Wait, what's
Speaker 1: our email address? I really want people to send us
Speaker 1: like a bunch of questions so we can get like
Speaker 1: a panel next week and try to answer all these
Speaker 1: questions that people have right now, Like, like I said,
Speaker 1: my mom, friends that are like I don't know what
Speaker 1: I'm supposed to do, Like do I do I send
Speaker 1: my kid to school? Do I not? Do I let
Speaker 1: my kid go on this bike ride? Do I not? Like?
Speaker 1: Do they go out with this friend? Those that family
Speaker 1: is being a little more loosey goosey than we are.
Speaker 1: But is it going to hurt those people's feeling? I
Speaker 1: mean it's just a hot, hot yes, Yeah, what's our
Speaker 1: email address? It's Ben at I Hurt Radio dot com.
Speaker 1: You guys are both messing men at I Heart radio
Speaker 1: dot Com. Email us. We know you're listening, So emails,
Speaker 1: any questions, anything you want us to talk about, and
Speaker 1: I'll put together for Brooks a really good panel so
Speaker 1: we can try and answer some of this. I'm gonna
Speaker 1: let I'm gonna let the ships go on today. I'm
Speaker 1: not gonna bleep the ships. She said, shit, I said,
Speaker 1: ship we can all right, and I'm gonna let the
Speaker 1: diarrhea stay in. Yeah you are. Um, I'm actually really
Speaker 1: curious to hear I'd love to hear from our listeners,
Speaker 1: from our community. UM. I'd love to hear from you guys,
Speaker 1: just how you're doing with this time. UM. I've found
Speaker 1: this time to be an immense blessing. UM. Nobody lost
Speaker 1: any family members in this time due to so I've
Speaker 1: been very fortunate in that way. My family hasn't got it.
Speaker 1: I've had a few friends that have had it. UM,
Speaker 1: but I've found the time to be I was having
Speaker 1: a conversation this morning about it, about how it's taught
Speaker 1: me real true presence. Yeah, I've been at my lake
Speaker 1: house in Idaho and had a couple of friends come
Speaker 1: and we've been here for two weeks in quarantine here
Speaker 1: and just been in the same room and laughed and
Speaker 1: enjoyed each other's company. And it's really brought a paramount,
Speaker 1: like just a paramount wave of reality and truth and
Speaker 1: priority in life of what's important. I have high is
Speaker 1: in lows with it, but we can talk about that
Speaker 1: next week. I have some things where I'm like, I
Speaker 1: really can handle this. I got this, and some things
Speaker 1: where I'm like, oh man, I'm terrified when I walked
Speaker 1: down the street. And that's a lot of our community.
Speaker 1: I'm sure so our listeners would love to hear. Yeah,
Speaker 1: let's put together show. And then I just was listening.
Speaker 1: I'm so frustrated because I was listening to these this
Speaker 1: live report from this reporter in Germany, and it's like
Speaker 1: they got this thing kind of figured out. So I
Speaker 1: don't know, I have a whole thing, Like I think
Speaker 1: my thing is, let's let's try and I don't know
Speaker 1: what I can do about it, but could we figure
Speaker 1: out people, let's get the testing where we can get
Speaker 1: the results like in a day or two days, not
Speaker 1: twelve days. That's my thing. I'm not being it's not political,
Speaker 1: it's not anything. Just can we figure out the testing
Speaker 1: that seems like it would be so yeah. Um, and
Speaker 1: there's many places in l A that are offering free testing. Yeah,
Speaker 1: but the results right now are so backlogged, so I
Speaker 1: don't know. Maybe I can find someone that can help
Speaker 1: us sort that out and explain, because that's such a
Speaker 1: problem if you have to wait seven to ten days
Speaker 1: for your results. I know. But also like just the world,
Speaker 1: the world yesterday is in the world today, The world
Speaker 1: today is in the world tomorrow. You know, we're doing
Speaker 1: this like we started how men think by coming into
Speaker 1: the studio in Burbank and seeing each other every day
Speaker 1: and having face to face conversations, and now we're doing
Speaker 1: it digitally over zoom call. You know, the world changes.
Speaker 1: If we're not willing to accept that, like even for
Speaker 1: I think for the next twelve to eighteen months, potentially
Speaker 1: maybe even two years, we're wearing masks. Oh for sure,
Speaker 1: I think so for sure. If we're fighting against it,
Speaker 1: if we're fighting to keep the old, we're not open
Speaker 1: to the new, We're not open to the future. You're
Speaker 1: you're paralyzed, you're stop in the past. No, I don't
Speaker 1: disagree with that. I still would like to get the
Speaker 1: testing figured out. So I'm gonna see what I can
Speaker 1: do to get some answers on that. And that's my
Speaker 1: big one right now. M let's figure that out. I'm
Speaker 1: not a scientist or the owner of a laboratory though,
Speaker 1: so I don't know what I'm gonna I'm gonna solve it,
Speaker 1: laborate work on depends how you say. It sounds better
Speaker 1: that way. We'd love to hear from you guys listening. UM.
Speaker 1: We always try and curate topics and discussions that serve you.
Speaker 1: And so Tracy today talking about femininity and confidence and
Speaker 1: empowerment for females in the workplace was amazing. Her house,
Speaker 1: by the way, looked amazing. I wanted to mention it
Speaker 1: to her her house. I know, maybe they'll put a
Speaker 1: shot up on the Instagram because her house was obviously
Speaker 1: like beautiful should be. She's been We will stay for
Speaker 1: twenty years and listening. So UM, we want to hear
Speaker 1: from you, guys, from our listeners, men at I Heart
Speaker 1: radio dot com, send us your questions topics of discussion.
Speaker 1: We'll go through them, we'll pick the best ones and
Speaker 1: we'll have a show where we dive into all of
Speaker 1: those until next week. Take care of one another, love
Speaker 1: one another, and I miss your face, Amy Sugarman and
Speaker 1: you two Danielle and YouTube Tory. Love you guys. Hi, guys. Bye,