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Speaker 1: Hi. This is Laura Vandercamp. I'm a mother of five,

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Speaker 1: an author, journalist, and speaker. And this is Sarah Hart Hunger.

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Speaker 1: I'm a mother of three, a practicing physician and blogger.

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Speaker 1: On the side, we are two working parents who love

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Speaker 1: our careers and our families. Welcome to best of both worlds.

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Speaker 1: Here we talk about how real women manage work, family,

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Speaker 1: and time for fun, from figuring out childcare to mapping

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Speaker 1: out long term career goals. We want you to get

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Speaker 1: the most out of life. Welcome to best of both worlds.

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Speaker 1: This is Laura. This is episode two hundred and fifty eight,

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Speaker 1: which is it airing in mid July of twenty twenty two.

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Speaker 1: Sarah is going to be interviewing Elise Thompson, who's going

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Speaker 1: to share some about her life, her career, parenting, lots

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Speaker 1: of great tips. We love when our blog readers and

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Speaker 1: listeners can be our guests as well, because one of

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Speaker 1: our missions here is to share how people are managing

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Speaker 1: their lives and managing to make work and life fit together.

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Speaker 1: So lots of great advice from at least coming up

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Speaker 1: in this one. But both of us, as Sarah and

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Speaker 1: I are recording this in late June, or you're navigating

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Speaker 1: some unexpected challenges in life. So Sarah, what happened with

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Speaker 1: you guys recently? Our challenge is not that challenging in

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Speaker 1: the grand scheme of things, and I think that that

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Speaker 1: is my sort not to skip ahead. But I was

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Speaker 1: going to like say, like, how do you like not

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Speaker 1: panic or ste about things? And really like maintaining perspective

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Speaker 1: and gratitude for me has always been what helps, because

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Speaker 1: when I'm feel tempted to freak out about some plan

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Speaker 1: not coming to fruition, it's usually not anything all that terrible.

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Speaker 1: So the specific thing that went wrong though, is, yes,

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Speaker 1: the specific thing is my husband's car. Like every single

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Speaker 1: well which was my car, our old car, every single

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Speaker 1: light just went on and I was swiss to take

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Speaker 1: Genevieve on a trip and now you know, I don't

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Speaker 1: have a car because he took mine. But it's fine,

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Speaker 1: We're just going to uber he's going to get it

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Speaker 1: fixed whatever it is it is, and it's just, yeah,

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Speaker 1: one of those things. Where as annoying as it is

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Speaker 1: to get that phone call, if I can immediately be like, okay,

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Speaker 1: well that's actually a great phone call compared to the

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Speaker 1: car accident that could have just happened, or you know,

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Speaker 1: like I don't know a million other things that are worse,

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Speaker 1: and the fact that things like uber exist and there

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Speaker 1: are ways around this kind of a problem, it's like

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Speaker 1: a very solvable problem. I think that tends to be

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Speaker 1: my way out of the funk when I can, when

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Speaker 1: I am successful. Yeah, well, we're dealing with unexpected some

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Speaker 1: childcare issues that both people we would normally be having

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Speaker 1: care for our kids are not here in July for

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Speaker 1: some time, and so traveling together various backup things. Curiously,

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Speaker 1: there's always a gap between having available backup care and

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Speaker 1: being able to use it. So theoretically my husband has

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Speaker 1: some number of days of emergency childcare through his work,

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Speaker 1: but it turns out you have to like go through

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Speaker 1: this whole registration process. It's only like one of the

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Speaker 1: place's facilities that you can go to. It's just that,

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Speaker 1: you know, there's always a gap between It's like, ooh,

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Speaker 1: we have this benefit and making it happen. I'm sure

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Speaker 1: we will be able to make it happen if we

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Speaker 1: need it, but we shall see. We're also you know,

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Speaker 1: talking to a few other backup fitters and such, but

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Speaker 1: you know, and again, in the grand scheme of life,

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Speaker 1: it's it's all fine. You know, I can't be fired

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Speaker 1: from missing work. He won't be, so we'll make it work.

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Speaker 1: But you know, would think one of the reasons you

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Speaker 1: wanted to talk with Elise is that she's been very

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Speaker 1: good about managing challenges as well. I wonder if you

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Speaker 1: could just talk a little bit about that. Yes, yes,

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Speaker 1: And the challenges that she manages are far beyond any

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Speaker 1: of the little things that we just mentioned. And yet,

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Speaker 1: so the reason I feel like I quote know Elise

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Speaker 1: is because she's been a long time commenter on my blog,

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Speaker 1: and so I get a sense of how the things

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Speaker 1: she's gone through and how she's handled them. And she's

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Speaker 1: always wowed me with her sense of perspective and the ability,

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Speaker 1: you know, to see the beauty and the gifts and

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Speaker 1: even difficult things. She has a special needs child and

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Speaker 1: a big job, and there's been a really long and

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Speaker 1: complicated medical journey that she's going to talk about. And

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Speaker 1: you know that all of the little things we talk

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Speaker 1: about like pale in comparison to this, and yet she

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Speaker 1: still has ways that she coped, practical ways, more emotional ways,

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Speaker 1: And I just really really love this interview. I hope

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Speaker 1: you guys really enjoy it as well. All right, well,

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Speaker 1: let's hear for Bealise. All right. I am so excited

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Speaker 1: to welcome Alise Thompson on Best of Both Worlds. I

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Speaker 1: feel like I know Elise through blog comments actually, and

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Speaker 1: I know that sounds odd, but she is like a

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Speaker 1: particularly insightful comment mentor and I always look forward to

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Speaker 1: seeing what she has to say. And when in one

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Speaker 1: comment she volunteered that she might be interested in being

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Speaker 1: a guest, I was immediately like, Okay, I'm sending you

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Speaker 1: a date. So Elise, thank you so much for coming on.

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Speaker 1: Can you go ahead and introduce yourself and tell our

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Speaker 1: listeners what you do? Sure? Sure. I am an attorney

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Speaker 1: for the federal government. I've had my same job more

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Speaker 1: or less. Well, I've worked in my same office more

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Speaker 1: or less since I graduated from law school nine years ago.

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Speaker 1: I became a supervisor in the office almost about two

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Speaker 1: years ago now. And I am married to a public

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Speaker 1: defender who also has very demanding work, and we have

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Speaker 1: a three year old. We have one child, she turned

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Speaker 1: three in March, and she is peque toddler. She is loud,

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Speaker 1: and rambunctious and has lots of strong feelings and emotions,

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Speaker 1: and she is very, very very active and is sort

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Speaker 1: of always on ago. She is happy, has never met

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Speaker 1: a stranger she would not hug. She also has a

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Speaker 1: rare form of epilepsy called Dravae syndrome, which if you

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Speaker 1: google it, they will say it is a rare and

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Speaker 1: catastrophic form of epilepsy, both of which are true. It

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Speaker 1: is a form of epilepsy that doesn't respond to medication generally,

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Speaker 1: so even though she is on a number of medications,

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Speaker 1: her seizures are not fully controlled, and the seizures are

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Speaker 1: really just sort of the tip of the iceberg. It

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Speaker 1: also comes with intellectual disabilities and some physical disabilities. And

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Speaker 1: even though my daughter's she's probably on the milder side

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Speaker 1: of the syndrome, she is very unlikely to ever be

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Speaker 1: self supporting or to live independently. That's kind of the

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Speaker 1: extra at this point. You know, you never know, but

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Speaker 1: that's you know more or less what we are planning

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Speaker 1: for sort of mentally and financially, and things like that. Wow,

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Speaker 1: oh my gosh, you have so much on your plate.

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Speaker 1: And you say that with such like positivity and almost

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Speaker 1: like an air of neutrality, although I'm sure as you

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Speaker 1: were going through it, it was like a lot tell

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Speaker 1: me a little bit about if you're comfortable like earlier

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Speaker 1: on as this was evolving. How I'm guessing when you

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Speaker 1: went to have your first child, you didn't expect something

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Speaker 1: like this, and you have this family with like two

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Speaker 1: big jobs, and you had a picture of what that

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Speaker 1: might look like. How has her diagnosis or how have

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Speaker 1: things evolved? Like? How did that change your experience moving

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Speaker 1: forward as a parent with an intense job. So I

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Speaker 1: will say I think that I personally was very open

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Speaker 1: minded I to what my child was going to be. Like,

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Speaker 1: I have seven siblings. Go up. I have seven siblings

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Speaker 1: and we're all completely totally different. So I went into

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Speaker 1: parenting thinking it was a total wild card. You had

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Speaker 1: no idea what you were going to get. I also

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Speaker 1: fully expected that my kid was going to have health

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Speaker 1: issues of some sort, although in my head I thought

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Speaker 1: it was going to be like teenage depression or something.

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Speaker 1: I was definitely not expecting. My daughter had her first

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Speaker 1: seizure when she was five months old, which was a

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Speaker 1: month after I went back to work, and she was

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Speaker 1: at daycare, and I can tell you I was, you know,

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Speaker 1: I got the call and I was like, oh, okay,

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Speaker 1: there's something's going on. I should go home and things

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Speaker 1: like that, and then they like sent me a video.

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Speaker 1: They took a video of the seizure, and I was like, oh,

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Speaker 1: my goodness, something is going on. And I had no

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Speaker 1: idea what was happening. The day that very first seizure

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Speaker 1: my daughter, my husband was actually working from home that

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Speaker 1: day and he was able to Our daycare is very

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Speaker 1: close to orehouse. He was able to drive over. He

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Speaker 1: got there literally as the ambulance was pulling up, and

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Speaker 1: you know, was able to go with her to the hospital. So,

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Speaker 1: you know, the beginning was very scary without it, because

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Speaker 1: you have no idea what's going on. And I think,

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Speaker 1: you know when you I think the beginning stages of

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Speaker 1: any diagnosis are very scary in large part because you're

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Speaker 1: trying to reconcile, You're trying to learn what's going on.

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Speaker 1: You're also trying to learn about the diagnosis. You're trying

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Speaker 1: to sort of reconcile your expectations with what you with

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Speaker 1: your reality. And you know, drave is not an easy

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Speaker 1: diagnosis in the sense that like twenty percent of kids

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Speaker 1: with drave don't live till adulthood, so, you know, for

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Speaker 1: various reasons, but it is not It does change your perspective,

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Speaker 1: but sometimes in really good ways. You know. I spend

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Speaker 1: an hour reading to my daughter for her bed as

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Speaker 1: part of her bedtime routine most of the time, and

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Speaker 1: it is something that I find very joyful because it's

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Speaker 1: something we both thoroughly enjoy doing, give or take the

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Speaker 1: book selection, of course, but it is something that it's like, oh,

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Speaker 1: I don't know if I'll get a lot of this,

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Speaker 1: you know, And so it makes it a lot easier

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Speaker 1: to sort of be very aware in the moment the

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Speaker 1: good times and to not sort of wish time away.

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Speaker 1: So I think that's been really a nice part of

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Speaker 1: my parenting experience that I don't know that I would

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Speaker 1: have appreciated, you know, if I felt like I was

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Speaker 1: going to have decades upon decades upon decades with my kid. Wow.

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Speaker 1: I get from your comments and from what you said

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Speaker 1: now that you are very intentional with the time that

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Speaker 1: you spend with her and like the focus on her,

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Speaker 1: and that perspective is incredibly valuable. And yet at the

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Speaker 1: same time, it is going to take a village. When

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Speaker 1: you're dealing with a child that has different medical needs,

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Speaker 1: and I know you've written a little bit about that

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Speaker 1: in the past as well. How have you gone about

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Speaker 1: crafting the right kind of support network for yourself, for her,

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Speaker 1: for the family moving forward. That is a fascinating thing.

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Speaker 1: First of all, I will tell you my husband in

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Speaker 1: my our division of labor is probably not normal, because

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Speaker 1: my husband definitely wanted a kid before I did, and

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Speaker 1: was really pushing it for much longer. We had a

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Speaker 1: somewhat classical setup in that I did a lot of

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Speaker 1: the mental labor around our house, and I was very

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Speaker 1: much like, I do not want the responsibility. I don't

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Speaker 1: want to be the primary parent who has to take

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Speaker 1: on everything. And so you know, I did not agree

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Speaker 1: to have a kid until he agreed that he would

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Speaker 1: do more than fifty one percent of the work. And

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Speaker 1: you know, my husband is entirely stuck to that agreement.

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Speaker 1: He is an upholder and he does the things that

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Speaker 1: he said he was going to do, and he has

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Speaker 1: our arrangement has actually kind of shifted to the point

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Speaker 1: where he is actually the primary parent and does the

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Speaker 1: majority of the sort of like day to day tasks

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Speaker 1: that go into her care and feeding. One other thing

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Speaker 1: that I negotiated was that I wasn't going to change diapers.

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Speaker 1: We the negotiation was I had to be pregnant for

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Speaker 1: ten months, and you know, the trade off was that

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Speaker 1: he was going to be the person who changed diapers.

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Speaker 1: And he has changed probably like I mean, I have

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Speaker 1: had to change some. That's just reality. I'm not going

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Speaker 1: toly like it in underty diapers wait till my husband

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Speaker 1: gets home, but he has probably changed probably eighty percent

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Speaker 1: of diapers that she's had. And our daughter is not

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Speaker 1: yet potty trained at three, so he's still working at it.

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Speaker 1: And so that's one very important thing. I am definitely

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Speaker 1: not trying to do everything by myself, and I think

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Speaker 1: one of the very key lessons I have learned from

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Speaker 1: having a child with significant disabilities is that there's absolutely

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Speaker 1: no way I could do it all myself. My daughter

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Speaker 1: has a huge team of people who support her. I

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Speaker 1: can't tell you the number of specialists we've seen at

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Speaker 1: multiple different sort of hospitals and care providers. She has

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Speaker 1: multiple neurologists, she has had multiple nutritionists, we've gone to.

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Speaker 1: Her pediatrician is amazing. We actually have Kaiser, which is

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Speaker 1: a sort of HMO type thing where they do everything.

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Speaker 1: They're both the insurer and the medical provider, and they

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Speaker 1: do everything in house and everything is coordinated, which has

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Speaker 1: made a huge difference in terms of the administration. But

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Speaker 1: her case is rare, so they actually send us to

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Speaker 1: specialists outside of the Kaiser system routinely to see and

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Speaker 1: I have worked with I have you know, struggled to

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Speaker 1: make appointments and to get through the sort of administrative

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Speaker 1: processes at outside of the Kaiser system. And I have thought,

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Speaker 1: you know, like, oh, I can understand why people quit

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Speaker 1: their jobs to navigate their child's care when you know

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Speaker 1: their care is such an administrative burden. So like, I

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Speaker 1: will see Kaiser's praises to the end of time because

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Speaker 1: of how easy they have made it administratively for us

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Speaker 1: to see a variety of specialists, and like to also

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Speaker 1: know that they kind of follow what she needs. Buy

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Speaker 1: the book. My brother in law is a doctor and

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Speaker 1: one of the things that he pulled early at her

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Speaker 1: diagnosis was a sort of It was from a website

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Speaker 1: called up to Date, which has an overview of her

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Speaker 1: entire syndrome and the sort of what is the standard,

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Speaker 1: sort of what are the standard supports, what are the

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Speaker 1: you know, best sort of medications to try and things

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Speaker 1: like that, And you know, Kaiser was essentially following everything

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Speaker 1: by the book. We didn't have to fight for any

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Speaker 1: services they have. That has made a huge difference in

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Speaker 1: our ability for both me and my husband to have

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Speaker 1: you know, very demanding jobs. That is amazing And I

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Speaker 1: have to like that's say, like that is I know

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Speaker 1: because I've seen it when it doesn't go in that

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Speaker 1: direction depending on what people's insurance is. We have some

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Speaker 1: complex patients right now that we're trying to get to, like,

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Speaker 1: you know, centers of excellence, and it literally feels like

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Speaker 1: we're banging our heads up a brick wall and the

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Speaker 1: people are purposely obstructing. And you know, I can see

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Speaker 1: exactly what you said that a parent would be like, well,

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Speaker 1: I guess I have to literally spend my days doing that.

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Speaker 1: So hearing that you have had a good experience in

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Speaker 1: that regard, it's like gives me hope and it makes

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Speaker 1: me think like how could well, how can we all

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Speaker 1: be like Kaiser, Oh, my goodness, yeah, no, my health insurance.

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Speaker 1: Our health insurance has been amazing. And the thing that

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Speaker 1: I find it's actually in the like in terms of

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Speaker 1: plans that are available to at least federal employees, it's

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Speaker 1: actually the cheapest option, which is like mind blowing to me.

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Speaker 1: The level of service and care and ease that it

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Speaker 1: has provided us is astounding. I will sing their praises

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Speaker 1: till the end of time. When care is truly coordinated,

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Speaker 1: often at the end of the day, it actually not

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Speaker 1: only helps the patients, but can save a lot of labor,

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Speaker 1: extra red tape, and probably money really at the end.

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Speaker 1: So and yeah, I'm just so glad that you've had

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Speaker 1: a positive experience to share in that way. We're going

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Speaker 1: to take a very quick ad break and we will

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Speaker 1: be right back because I need to hear a lot more.

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Speaker 1: All right, we are back. We were just talking about

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Speaker 1: navigating complex healthcare systems and insurance systems and how a

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Speaker 1: last has been fortunate to have had a good experience

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Speaker 1: in that regard, which is wonderful, but also understands kind

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Speaker 1: of how the other side can look. I am curious

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Speaker 1: because listening to the division of labor, I am so

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Speaker 1: impressed that you guys were able to intentionally you put

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Speaker 1: that together. You both have really demanding jobs. It sounds

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Speaker 1: like I mean, at least from the title of your jobs.

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Speaker 1: Are there others who you have employed along the way

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Speaker 1: other than medical specialists of course, to help or does

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Speaker 1: your daughter's unique condition make that a lot more difficult,

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Speaker 1: because I would imagine you kind of need a certain

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Speaker 1: level of expertise to understand how to care for her properly. Yeah,

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Speaker 1: so it is. We have not very much our daughter.

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Speaker 1: You know, the shoes are actually fairly easy to handle.

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Speaker 1: So she's at a sort of normal daycare that we

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Speaker 1: picked out that had, you know it, before we ever

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Speaker 1: knew she had any health issues. Is the place that

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Speaker 1: she's been at for this entire time. I will say,

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Speaker 1: we are in the process of picking out a sort

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Speaker 1: of preschool for her, which we are a lot more

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Speaker 1: picking out an appropriate place for her to move to

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Speaker 1: is actually much more challenging than say, picking out a

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Speaker 1: place on the front end that sort of was introduced

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Speaker 1: to her challenges at the same time that we were,

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Speaker 1: and it was a easier fit to sort of help

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Speaker 1: them to sort of be trained to take care of her.

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Speaker 1: Our daycare actually has routinely had sort of seizure training

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Speaker 1: as part of their sort of I don't know if

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Speaker 1: it's like their health sidelines or yeah, yeah, but they

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Speaker 1: had I had training on it, and actually when her

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Speaker 1: first seasure happened, one of the things they said was like,

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Speaker 1: we actually recently had gone to seizure training and knew

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Speaker 1: how to respond to this, and so they've always done

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Speaker 1: a wonderful job in terms of her health care. I

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Speaker 1: actually think the bigger challenge, as she aids, is the

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Speaker 1: sort of intellectual disability part of it. Seizures are common

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Speaker 1: enough that a lot of care providers know how to

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Speaker 1: work with it. The other challenge that we've had is

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Speaker 1: that some of her medications over the last two years

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Speaker 1: has resulted in sort of behavioral challenges, and so that

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Speaker 1: I think there was a point in time when our

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Speaker 1: daycare wanted to kick her out. Not kick her out,

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Speaker 1: but say like, Okay, we need to think about transitioning

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Speaker 1: her to a traditional preschool because it's time to be

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Speaker 1: thinking about that. They were very kind in like being

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Speaker 1: patient with us as we're trying to locate an appropriate place.

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Speaker 1: They recognized it would be challenging. They were definitely pushing

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Speaker 1: her towards the door, and that was really really stressful

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Speaker 1: to feel like, oh, the systems we had in place

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Speaker 1: needed to change. And fundamentally, what I see in those

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Speaker 1: scenarios is that we need to act early, we need

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Speaker 1: to plan early for transitions, and we ultimately are kind

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Speaker 1: of on the wait list at a place that has

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Speaker 1: a partnership through the sort of public school system and

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Speaker 1: also the ARC of our county where it is a

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Speaker 1: regular preschool that's open to the public, but they also

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Speaker 1: it's a daycare preschool, but it's attached to our local

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Speaker 1: high school. Actually that serves both the children of teachers

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Speaker 1: and also any children of students if students have kids,

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Speaker 1: and they partner with the ARC, who pays for a

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Speaker 1: nurse to be on site, which we feel because of

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Speaker 1: that combination, they're used to having sort of medically kids

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Speaker 1: with high medical needs and developmental delays, and so our

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Speaker 1: daughter isn't an outlier there, even though the majority of

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Speaker 1: the students there are actually you know, normal kids, neurotypical,

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Speaker 1: no health problems, but they're capable of supporting her and

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Speaker 1: all of her needs. Simone is now at a stage

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Speaker 1: where her seizures are fairly well controlled with her daily medications,

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Speaker 1: and she's on a rescue medication that is very effective

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Speaker 1: but there is definitely a period of time where her

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Speaker 1: seizures were not well controlled and her daycare had to

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Speaker 1: be prepared for that, and whoever was watching her had

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Speaker 1: to be prepared for that, and so that was really tough.

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Speaker 1: We have not We have only left Simone alone with

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Speaker 1: a babysitter on one occasion, and we have found babysitters

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Speaker 1: through There are a lot of schools near us, so

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Speaker 1: college students who are interested in working with kids with

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Speaker 1: special needs have actually been our best options. And we

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Speaker 1: have also had my in laws actually live about twenty

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Speaker 1: five minutes away and so they actually come regularly and

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Speaker 1: watch our kid, our babysitter. For the most part, we

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Speaker 1: don't leave people alone with her, so people will come

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Speaker 1: over and watch her while we're at home, but we

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Speaker 1: still get a break from her care. When she was

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Speaker 1: in the you know, there have been times where part

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Speaker 1: of her issues that she doesn't really understand her limits

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Speaker 1: and she doesn't really experience pain in the same way.

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Speaker 1: So she's the sort of kid who climbs up on

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Speaker 1: the playground and you have to be there with her

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Speaker 1: because she will go off the edge, not wheeling, it's

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Speaker 1: an edge and realizing that falling off of edges are bad,

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Speaker 1: so anyone's got to be very hands on with her,

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Speaker 1: and it was just tiring to have to keep up

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Speaker 1: that level of like vigilance all the time. So having

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Speaker 1: babysitters who could come and watch her in our house

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Speaker 1: gave us the break that we need and we could

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Speaker 1: then get other things done in a way that has

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Speaker 1: been very, very helpful. But that's been the sort of

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Speaker 1: primary support. Our mother in law is extremely helpful during

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Speaker 1: the pandemic. She quit her job and now take our

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Speaker 1: daughter to her therapy appointments most of the time. And

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Speaker 1: so that's also another huge thing. Our daughter is able

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Speaker 1: to get more therapy because of that extra health. But

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Speaker 1: you know, like I said, there's a huge team of

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Speaker 1: people between her doctors. She goes to three different kinds

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Speaker 1: of therapy appointments twice a week. Her daycare has always

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Speaker 1: been a huge, huge, huge support. And oh, the other

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Speaker 1: thing we did during the pandemic was how hire a

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Speaker 1: house cleaner, which has actually been life changing. I remember

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Speaker 1: you talking about like outsourcing and finding ways to give

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Speaker 1: yourself a break and talking a little bit about that,

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Speaker 1: and I'm curious with your marriage and being able to

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Speaker 1: have time together? Are you able to so, since it

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Speaker 1: totally makes sense to me why you'd want to kind

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Speaker 1: of like be in your house but then have a

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Speaker 1: caregiver so that you could be available if needed, but

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Speaker 1: also get a break. Do you ever take like, like,

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Speaker 1: are you able to I don't know, like go on

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Speaker 1: almost dates with a babysitter in another area, or like

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Speaker 1: how do you work that to get some time together

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Speaker 1: or even just alone time? Oh my god, I love

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Speaker 1: that you asked this question because there are a couple

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Speaker 1: of things we've done. First of all, we've gone to

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Speaker 1: we have actually been able to take a couple of

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Speaker 1: weekend trips where our in laws will come. When we

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Speaker 1: traveled to a wedding, that was the first time. We

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Speaker 1: were very apprehensive about it and it worked out great

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Speaker 1: and we were like, oh my god, we got to

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Speaker 1: get away more. Then. The second trip we took was

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Speaker 1: for our anniversary this year, and we actually instead of

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Speaker 1: celebrating over the weekend, we both actually took a couple

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Speaker 1: of days off of work and our in laws came

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Speaker 1: and stayed at our house with our daughter with everything

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Speaker 1: the regular routine that she had, and she was going

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Speaker 1: to daycare during the day, so they also got breaks

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Speaker 1: and it was less of a burden on them, and

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Speaker 1: so they were doing more like the morning routine the

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Speaker 1: evening routine. They still had their days free. My father

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Speaker 1: in law is still working and he was going into

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Speaker 1: the office like normal, and during the day, my mother

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Speaker 1: in law didn't have to be at our house, you know,

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Speaker 1: and could still go on about with the things that

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Speaker 1: she likes to do. And so that was one thing

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Speaker 1: that worked really well for us. We've both still been

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Speaker 1: working from home during the pandemic, and so that has

433
00:25:29,640 --> 00:25:31,520
Speaker 1: made a huge difference because we're seeing each other a

434
00:25:31,560 --> 00:25:34,880
Speaker 1: lot during the day and interacting during the day, having

435
00:25:34,960 --> 00:25:37,680
Speaker 1: lunch or sometimes going on walks during the day. All

436
00:25:37,680 --> 00:25:40,240
Speaker 1: of those things were really helpful. And the one other

437
00:25:40,280 --> 00:25:43,280
Speaker 1: thing that I will say is we started couples therapy,

438
00:25:43,880 --> 00:25:49,639
Speaker 1: and couples therapy is the best possible date in ways

439
00:25:49,640 --> 00:25:55,159
Speaker 1: that I wasn't expecting. And having a kid with disabilities

440
00:25:55,400 --> 00:26:01,840
Speaker 1: is an emotional roller coaster. There are are so many

441
00:26:01,920 --> 00:26:06,320
Speaker 1: things to adjust to and to come to terms with,

442
00:26:06,520 --> 00:26:11,120
Speaker 1: and I can say that we are super duper. It's

443
00:26:11,240 --> 00:26:14,399
Speaker 1: terrible to say this, but the pandemic has made so

444
00:26:14,480 --> 00:26:17,920
Speaker 1: many things possible in our lives that would have been

445
00:26:17,960 --> 00:26:23,120
Speaker 1: so much harder. The pandemic literally started on her first birthday,

446
00:26:25,760 --> 00:26:27,640
Speaker 1: more or less. It was like maybe two days into

447
00:26:27,680 --> 00:26:31,400
Speaker 1: the pandemic and everything shutting down and daycare being closed,

448
00:26:32,720 --> 00:26:35,879
Speaker 1: that it was her first birthday. It was good timing

449
00:26:35,960 --> 00:26:40,720
Speaker 1: for us in terms of we hadn't really gotten hooked

450
00:26:40,720 --> 00:26:43,360
Speaker 1: into very many services yet, so she wasn't losing out

451
00:26:43,359 --> 00:26:45,760
Speaker 1: on services, and she was still small enough that she

452
00:26:45,880 --> 00:26:49,000
Speaker 1: was fairly you could sit her in a corner and

453
00:26:49,280 --> 00:26:54,359
Speaker 1: she would hang out there. And my husband's work courts

454
00:26:54,400 --> 00:26:57,040
Speaker 1: were closed, so he wasn't in court nearly as much,

455
00:26:57,040 --> 00:26:59,800
Speaker 1: and he really took the lead in parenting her while

456
00:26:59,840 --> 00:27:05,160
Speaker 1: I was like super super busy with the federal government's

457
00:27:05,160 --> 00:27:08,000
Speaker 1: response to the pandemic. You know, my agency wasn't like

458
00:27:08,040 --> 00:27:10,520
Speaker 1: in the heart of the things, but we've definitely had

459
00:27:10,920 --> 00:27:13,159
Speaker 1: a whole bunch of new programs that were created that

460
00:27:13,200 --> 00:27:17,240
Speaker 1: we had to get implemented to provide support to families

461
00:27:17,240 --> 00:27:20,600
Speaker 1: across the country. And so it was a very very

462
00:27:20,880 --> 00:27:25,560
Speaker 1: very demanding time workwise, And I've totally lost track of

463
00:27:25,600 --> 00:27:28,440
Speaker 1: what I was saying. I don't even remember the original question,

464
00:27:28,720 --> 00:27:30,160
Speaker 1: so you can I don't know if I do either.

465
00:27:30,400 --> 00:27:32,800
Speaker 1: But it was super interesting. No, it was just interesting

466
00:27:32,880 --> 00:27:36,240
Speaker 1: to hear the timeline of this and how she is

467
00:27:36,320 --> 00:27:38,760
Speaker 1: truly like a pandemic baby. And I was also thinking

468
00:27:38,800 --> 00:27:42,720
Speaker 1: in my head that thankfully the pandemic didn't hit around

469
00:27:42,720 --> 00:27:44,919
Speaker 1: the time you were doing your diagnostic stuff, because that

470
00:27:44,920 --> 00:27:47,320
Speaker 1: could have gotten really slowed down. So you're right the

471
00:27:47,440 --> 00:27:49,640
Speaker 1: timing where it's out really well. And then you were

472
00:27:49,640 --> 00:27:51,959
Speaker 1: talking about your breaks that you're able to take, and

473
00:27:52,040 --> 00:27:55,879
Speaker 1: I super applaud the mid week use daycare and then

474
00:27:55,960 --> 00:27:59,240
Speaker 1: have your helpers come because it's so much less of

475
00:27:59,280 --> 00:28:01,119
Speaker 1: a me that our kids are a burden, but it's

476
00:28:01,200 --> 00:28:04,520
Speaker 1: much less of a task for a babysitter to come

477
00:28:04,560 --> 00:28:06,800
Speaker 1: and just do like breakfast and bedtime and someone else

478
00:28:06,880 --> 00:28:08,880
Speaker 1: is watching your kid during the day. That would be anyway.

479
00:28:09,280 --> 00:28:11,520
Speaker 1: And then you and I are lucky enough to have

480
00:28:11,640 --> 00:28:13,919
Speaker 1: careers where like we have paid time off built in,

481
00:28:14,040 --> 00:28:16,040
Speaker 1: so we're allowed to take those days and we should

482
00:28:16,080 --> 00:28:19,320
Speaker 1: take those days well. And I will say I take

483
00:28:19,359 --> 00:28:23,760
Speaker 1: a lot of leave from work to meet my needs.

484
00:28:24,359 --> 00:28:28,600
Speaker 1: So I, my boss and I. New administrations are very

485
00:28:28,640 --> 00:28:32,280
Speaker 1: busy in agencies, and you know, lots of energy coming

486
00:28:32,320 --> 00:28:36,080
Speaker 1: in with new ideas and new things they want to

487
00:28:36,280 --> 00:28:39,800
Speaker 1: make progress on. And you know, at the beginning of

488
00:28:39,960 --> 00:28:43,680
Speaker 1: this new administration, my boss and I we were like, okay,

489
00:28:43,720 --> 00:28:45,280
Speaker 1: so we know that this is going to be a

490
00:28:45,360 --> 00:28:49,200
Speaker 1: very demanding time. How are we building in and planning

491
00:28:49,200 --> 00:28:52,920
Speaker 1: in rejuvenation time for ourselves on the front end, knowing

492
00:28:52,960 --> 00:28:55,360
Speaker 1: that it's going to be hard, So we were doing

493
00:28:55,400 --> 00:29:00,400
Speaker 1: things like my bosses. You know, she is that much

494
00:29:00,400 --> 00:29:02,680
Speaker 1: older than me, but she doesn't have kids, and she

495
00:29:02,840 --> 00:29:05,680
Speaker 1: likes long vacations, so she is you know, she's already

496
00:29:05,720 --> 00:29:08,880
Speaker 1: planned out her very long vacations for the next two years,

497
00:29:09,680 --> 00:29:12,280
Speaker 1: already on the calendar. I know to plan around them.

498
00:29:12,480 --> 00:29:15,680
Speaker 1: I am much less in that stage of life where

499
00:29:15,680 --> 00:29:17,440
Speaker 1: I want to travel with my kid a lot. But

500
00:29:18,200 --> 00:29:21,120
Speaker 1: I have scheduled to take the third Friday of every

501
00:29:21,160 --> 00:29:24,200
Speaker 1: month off and it's already on the calendar. I don't

502
00:29:24,200 --> 00:29:25,880
Speaker 1: always do it. Some days, I use it as a

503
00:29:25,920 --> 00:29:27,960
Speaker 1: work catch up day where I say I'm out of

504
00:29:27,960 --> 00:29:30,040
Speaker 1: the office and I'm actually like getting caught up on

505
00:29:30,120 --> 00:29:34,200
Speaker 1: stuff that's gotten fallen to the wayside. But I also

506
00:29:34,240 --> 00:29:37,200
Speaker 1: will take leave during the week because it means that

507
00:29:37,400 --> 00:29:40,000
Speaker 1: I can still send my kid to daycare. And I

508
00:29:40,040 --> 00:29:42,880
Speaker 1: actually get time off to myself in a way that

509
00:29:43,000 --> 00:29:45,840
Speaker 1: like a weekend is not rejuvenating in the same way.

510
00:29:46,600 --> 00:29:48,480
Speaker 1: And you know, I mentioned that, you know, my husband

511
00:29:48,480 --> 00:29:52,760
Speaker 1: and I would divide up our labor, and you know,

512
00:29:52,920 --> 00:29:55,920
Speaker 1: I take basically all of the mental load stuff, all

513
00:29:55,960 --> 00:29:59,520
Speaker 1: of the planning stuff. I am responsible for all of

514
00:29:59,520 --> 00:30:01,680
Speaker 1: the infan that comes in and out of the house.

515
00:30:02,160 --> 00:30:06,440
Speaker 1: I am responsible for all of the you know, we

516
00:30:06,480 --> 00:30:09,320
Speaker 1: have one hundred year old bungalow that needs all kinds

517
00:30:09,320 --> 00:30:17,360
Speaker 1: of house project related stuff thats and so you know,

518
00:30:17,680 --> 00:30:21,440
Speaker 1: I and sometimes taking off of a day off of

519
00:30:21,520 --> 00:30:25,040
Speaker 1: work to do like household administrative stuff. And so I

520
00:30:25,160 --> 00:30:27,000
Speaker 1: get a lot of leave and I don't hesitate to

521
00:30:27,160 --> 00:30:29,719
Speaker 1: use it, and you know, I just plan it in

522
00:30:29,760 --> 00:30:33,280
Speaker 1: my calendar. A lot of you know, managing her care

523
00:30:33,440 --> 00:30:39,240
Speaker 1: and managing work involves advanced planning, and it's knowing things like, oh,

524
00:30:39,360 --> 00:30:43,080
Speaker 1: I need to schedule that appointment on you know, three

525
00:30:43,120 --> 00:30:45,360
Speaker 1: months in advance, as soon as the calendar opened, so

526
00:30:45,400 --> 00:30:48,880
Speaker 1: that I can get the eight thirty am appointment. And

527
00:30:49,160 --> 00:30:53,400
Speaker 1: our pediatrician. One of the awesome things about Kaiser is

528
00:30:53,440 --> 00:30:56,640
Speaker 1: that they have locations all around the area and so

529
00:30:57,280 --> 00:31:00,920
Speaker 1: our daughter's pediatrician is a mile away from our house,

530
00:31:01,480 --> 00:31:05,320
Speaker 1: and so you know, we can see her. Her first

531
00:31:05,320 --> 00:31:08,920
Speaker 1: appointment of the day actually starts around eight, so our

532
00:31:08,920 --> 00:31:12,320
Speaker 1: pedetrition starts early and we can take her to the

533
00:31:12,320 --> 00:31:14,680
Speaker 1: first appointment of the day. Then we can drop her

534
00:31:14,720 --> 00:31:17,320
Speaker 1: off at daycare, and then we can be back home

535
00:31:17,360 --> 00:31:20,760
Speaker 1: and naturally not miss any of the workday. And it

536
00:31:20,800 --> 00:31:23,000
Speaker 1: works out great because our daughter is up early anyways,

537
00:31:23,680 --> 00:31:26,080
Speaker 1: and so you know, those are the sort of things

538
00:31:26,280 --> 00:31:32,160
Speaker 1: that make a very big difference. We have our couple's

539
00:31:32,160 --> 00:31:35,320
Speaker 1: therapy first appointment of the day in a morning, we

540
00:31:35,440 --> 00:31:39,480
Speaker 1: go in and it is really helpful for us to

541
00:31:39,520 --> 00:31:42,200
Speaker 1: be able. The one thing I'll say about couple's therapy

542
00:31:42,200 --> 00:31:44,840
Speaker 1: that makes it better than a date night is that

543
00:31:46,040 --> 00:31:48,040
Speaker 1: my husband really hates going out to dinner. That's not

544
00:31:48,120 --> 00:31:51,000
Speaker 1: his idea of a fun activity, so he doesn't really

545
00:31:51,040 --> 00:31:54,880
Speaker 1: want to do that and a couple's therapy. I said

546
00:31:54,880 --> 00:31:58,360
Speaker 1: earlier that having a kid with disabilities is an emotional rollercoaster,

547
00:31:58,440 --> 00:32:00,440
Speaker 1: But the thing that is really surprising is that my

548
00:32:00,520 --> 00:32:04,400
Speaker 1: husband is having completely different emotional reactions to the experience

549
00:32:04,480 --> 00:32:06,960
Speaker 1: than I am. Like we're not reacting to the same

550
00:32:07,000 --> 00:32:11,160
Speaker 1: things in the same way, and Couple's Therapy created an

551
00:32:11,160 --> 00:32:14,520
Speaker 1: opportunity for us to come together and actually talk to

552
00:32:14,560 --> 00:32:17,520
Speaker 1: each other about what we are experiencing in a way

553
00:32:17,560 --> 00:32:20,520
Speaker 1: that like we weren't really carving out time to sort

554
00:32:20,560 --> 00:32:25,240
Speaker 1: of reconnect about and even though like we're at a

555
00:32:25,280 --> 00:32:28,440
Speaker 1: really great place, I'm like, I want to come to

556
00:32:28,480 --> 00:32:32,040
Speaker 1: couple's therapy once a month every month for like the

557
00:32:32,080 --> 00:32:34,960
Speaker 1: rest of my life, just because it's a great time

558
00:32:35,120 --> 00:32:39,719
Speaker 1: to connect with my partner in a way that like

559
00:32:39,880 --> 00:32:45,320
Speaker 1: we don't always we're not always proactive about like sharing

560
00:32:45,360 --> 00:32:48,880
Speaker 1: our intimate thoughts with one another, and it's a really

561
00:32:48,960 --> 00:32:52,520
Speaker 1: wonderful experience that makes so much sense. And I feel

562
00:32:52,560 --> 00:32:56,280
Speaker 1: like that's so true that therapy. I feel like people

563
00:32:56,320 --> 00:32:58,560
Speaker 1: think of it as like you go to fix something,

564
00:32:58,800 --> 00:33:01,520
Speaker 1: but it can be to just mean team something, or

565
00:33:01,680 --> 00:33:04,200
Speaker 1: it can just be to some extent just like cathartic

566
00:33:04,280 --> 00:33:06,520
Speaker 1: or almost pleasurable. I know exactly what you mean. I

567
00:33:06,560 --> 00:33:09,600
Speaker 1: don't have the couple's experience, but I've gone on my

568
00:33:09,680 --> 00:33:12,040
Speaker 1: own and sometimes it's just like nice to look forward

569
00:33:12,080 --> 00:33:14,560
Speaker 1: to like my safe space this event and say whatever

570
00:33:14,600 --> 00:33:16,640
Speaker 1: I want. I know that that person is probably going

571
00:33:16,680 --> 00:33:20,040
Speaker 1: to be very supportive and with a couple, I could

572
00:33:20,080 --> 00:33:25,960
Speaker 1: see it being like almost like moderated deep exploration time,

573
00:33:26,120 --> 00:33:29,280
Speaker 1: like it needs rebranding or something. Yeah, No, it's it's

574
00:33:29,360 --> 00:33:32,120
Speaker 1: it's a lot of it's a lot of fun. And

575
00:33:33,120 --> 00:33:36,160
Speaker 1: you know, we've been hemorrhaging money on therapy. That's actually

576
00:33:36,160 --> 00:33:39,280
Speaker 1: where we've been putting our money, and it wasn't where

577
00:33:39,280 --> 00:33:42,239
Speaker 1: we were at in our Our experience so far of

578
00:33:42,280 --> 00:33:44,560
Speaker 1: having a kid with disabilities is like there are periods

579
00:33:44,560 --> 00:33:49,240
Speaker 1: of crisis and then there's periods of just sort of

580
00:33:49,280 --> 00:33:52,400
Speaker 1: like your normal state of being. And when we were

581
00:33:52,400 --> 00:33:57,080
Speaker 1: in and I will say like the early diagnosis phase

582
00:33:57,760 --> 00:34:00,320
Speaker 1: was very much like I just think it's inherent currently

583
00:34:00,360 --> 00:34:03,240
Speaker 1: a moment of crisis as you figure out what's going

584
00:34:03,280 --> 00:34:06,000
Speaker 1: on and try to figure out what your new normal is.

585
00:34:06,160 --> 00:34:09,600
Speaker 1: And like if you had told me in the first year,

586
00:34:09,880 --> 00:34:12,920
Speaker 1: I would say our sort of crisis period, introductory period

587
00:34:13,000 --> 00:34:15,400
Speaker 1: lasted maybe a year and a half, two years even,

588
00:34:16,520 --> 00:34:19,360
Speaker 1: And that's with our daughter having actually a very easy

589
00:34:19,400 --> 00:34:25,160
Speaker 1: to diagnose issue relatively speaking. Genetic testing confirmed what was

590
00:34:25,200 --> 00:34:28,719
Speaker 1: going on and really laid the path and set us

591
00:34:28,760 --> 00:34:33,879
Speaker 1: on a particular path in the world of epilepsy, and

592
00:34:35,080 --> 00:34:38,600
Speaker 1: it was, but still it took a long time to

593
00:34:38,680 --> 00:34:41,239
Speaker 1: figure out how to make everything work, and it was

594
00:34:41,280 --> 00:34:44,720
Speaker 1: like one thing at a time. And in the early

595
00:34:44,800 --> 00:34:49,680
Speaker 1: crisis phase, you definitely prioritize everything that your kid needs.

596
00:34:50,440 --> 00:34:52,879
Speaker 1: But then when you're thinking about how to live your

597
00:34:52,880 --> 00:34:55,480
Speaker 1: life in the long term, you have to make decisions

598
00:34:55,480 --> 00:34:59,000
Speaker 1: that actually work for the whole entire family. It can

599
00:34:59,080 --> 00:35:04,080
Speaker 1: be actually things like we are feeling overwhelmed as parents

600
00:35:04,360 --> 00:35:07,000
Speaker 1: and we need to like not take you to your

601
00:35:07,080 --> 00:35:11,680
Speaker 1: six therapy appointments this week. It could be things like, oh,

602
00:35:11,880 --> 00:35:15,400
Speaker 1: I need to switch health insurance because a health insurance

603
00:35:15,440 --> 00:35:18,920
Speaker 1: plan can make a huge difference in how you are

604
00:35:19,520 --> 00:35:24,000
Speaker 1: able to like navigate all of their needs. It could

605
00:35:24,040 --> 00:35:27,640
Speaker 1: be I need to find my current boss is not

606
00:35:27,880 --> 00:35:30,319
Speaker 1: understanding what I have going on in my life. I

607
00:35:30,360 --> 00:35:33,120
Speaker 1: need to find a new boss. Either I need to

608
00:35:33,120 --> 00:35:36,520
Speaker 1: find a new job, or I need to stop working,

609
00:35:37,440 --> 00:35:40,160
Speaker 1: or I need to within my organization. These bosses have

610
00:35:40,680 --> 00:35:44,600
Speaker 1: the reputation of like being good bosses. You know, I

611
00:35:44,680 --> 00:35:47,520
Speaker 1: was really lucky that I have an excellent line of

612
00:35:47,640 --> 00:35:52,640
Speaker 1: bosses who totally completely understood when I said, Oh, my

613
00:35:52,760 --> 00:35:55,279
Speaker 1: child's daycare is calling me, I have to go and

614
00:35:55,320 --> 00:35:58,080
Speaker 1: answer that phone immediately. I am never going to not

615
00:35:58,160 --> 00:36:00,400
Speaker 1: answer a phone call from my child's daycare. And if

616
00:36:00,400 --> 00:36:02,480
Speaker 1: my daycare tells me my child is having a seizure,

617
00:36:02,719 --> 00:36:04,520
Speaker 1: I am getting up and I'm getting into my car

618
00:36:04,560 --> 00:36:07,000
Speaker 1: and I'm driving over there immediately. And so like you

619
00:36:07,040 --> 00:36:11,560
Speaker 1: can have the meeting or not, but I'm leaving. I'm

620
00:36:11,719 --> 00:36:16,200
Speaker 1: so glad that you do work with people who because yeah,

621
00:36:16,200 --> 00:36:19,000
Speaker 1: that is the most important thing, and it would be

622
00:36:19,040 --> 00:36:21,400
Speaker 1: worth looking elsewhere because there's got to be someone who

623
00:36:21,440 --> 00:36:24,839
Speaker 1: would value you with your skill set and also understand

624
00:36:25,000 --> 00:36:29,200
Speaker 1: those things. So wow, Well, I was going to ask

625
00:36:29,200 --> 00:36:32,439
Speaker 1: the question, what would you tell a younger Elise who

626
00:36:32,640 --> 00:36:35,880
Speaker 1: got this diagnosis or was just starting out or maybe

627
00:36:35,920 --> 00:36:38,560
Speaker 1: you know you two and a half years ago. It

628
00:36:38,600 --> 00:36:41,319
Speaker 1: seems like you've actually figured out a ton of things

629
00:36:41,320 --> 00:36:43,760
Speaker 1: that have been helpful along the way, including some concrete

630
00:36:43,760 --> 00:36:46,560
Speaker 1: things you've shared here. Is there anything else that comes

631
00:36:46,600 --> 00:36:49,920
Speaker 1: to mind as like advice you'd give somebody embarking on

632
00:36:49,960 --> 00:36:53,840
Speaker 1: something like this. One thing I will I haven't mentioned

633
00:36:53,840 --> 00:36:57,600
Speaker 1: that I think is very helpful is like other organized

634
00:36:57,600 --> 00:37:02,080
Speaker 1: groups either around your kid's disability or other parents with

635
00:37:02,520 --> 00:37:07,719
Speaker 1: kids with disabilities, other that are both local or perhaps national,

636
00:37:07,920 --> 00:37:10,560
Speaker 1: It doesn't have to be. I think each of these

637
00:37:10,560 --> 00:37:14,479
Speaker 1: different kinds of groups offer different things. So the group

638
00:37:14,520 --> 00:37:18,239
Speaker 1: that's organized around my kid's specific disability, that's the place

639
00:37:18,239 --> 00:37:21,000
Speaker 1: where I go where I have very specific questions about,

640
00:37:22,080 --> 00:37:24,879
Speaker 1: you know, are you experiencing X, Y Z other very

641
00:37:24,880 --> 00:37:28,360
Speaker 1: specific thing. They're the people who most understand what we

642
00:37:28,400 --> 00:37:32,000
Speaker 1: are going through, even though within that group everyone's experience

643
00:37:32,040 --> 00:37:36,480
Speaker 1: is actually across contingent. And to be perfectly honest, that

644
00:37:36,600 --> 00:37:39,320
Speaker 1: is also the group that sometimes causes me the most anxiety,

645
00:37:39,400 --> 00:37:41,480
Speaker 1: because I feel like I am seeing my future in

646
00:37:41,520 --> 00:37:43,600
Speaker 1: front of me, even if I have no idea what

647
00:37:43,680 --> 00:37:47,600
Speaker 1: I'm experiencing. So that's not my favorite group, but I

648
00:37:47,640 --> 00:37:51,680
Speaker 1: also know they're the ones who get me. I generally

649
00:37:51,880 --> 00:37:55,960
Speaker 1: like local sort of special needs groups with people with

650
00:37:56,040 --> 00:38:00,880
Speaker 1: all kinds of disabilities, which makes me feel less alone

651
00:38:01,840 --> 00:38:05,520
Speaker 1: but also feels more practical in terms of like they're

652
00:38:05,560 --> 00:38:08,399
Speaker 1: the sort of people who you go to like, oh, well,

653
00:38:08,440 --> 00:38:11,840
Speaker 1: what was your experience navigating an IEP process with the

654
00:38:11,880 --> 00:38:16,319
Speaker 1: local public school, or what schools are particularly good for

655
00:38:16,400 --> 00:38:20,200
Speaker 1: kids with different types of disabilities, or you know, those

656
00:38:20,320 --> 00:38:24,200
Speaker 1: kinds of questions. And then national groups do all kinds

657
00:38:24,200 --> 00:38:28,120
Speaker 1: of really fascinating programming, like one of the groups that

658
00:38:28,160 --> 00:38:34,000
Speaker 1: I've been seeing recently with the Courageous Parent Network, which

659
00:38:34,360 --> 00:38:38,800
Speaker 1: helps supports families with kids with like high high medical needs.

660
00:38:39,920 --> 00:38:42,320
Speaker 1: I recently went tended two events. One was about traveling

661
00:38:42,360 --> 00:38:46,759
Speaker 1: with your kid with significant disabilities. Another one was about

662
00:38:46,800 --> 00:38:50,279
Speaker 1: financial planning for a kid with you know, significant disabilities,

663
00:38:50,760 --> 00:38:55,279
Speaker 1: and those are they're providing that kind of content, which

664
00:38:55,320 --> 00:38:57,960
Speaker 1: is really helpful for me because I'm a planner. In

665
00:38:58,000 --> 00:38:59,920
Speaker 1: addition to my law degree, I also have a master's

666
00:39:00,080 --> 00:39:01,920
Speaker 1: or been planning. So I like to tell my husband

667
00:39:01,920 --> 00:39:07,759
Speaker 1: I literally have a degree in planning. And I get

668
00:39:07,760 --> 00:39:09,880
Speaker 1: different things from different groups, but I also have to

669
00:39:09,920 --> 00:39:15,520
Speaker 1: recognize like which groups I need to tap into when

670
00:39:15,960 --> 00:39:19,439
Speaker 1: and recognizing that I don't, you know, like I don't

671
00:39:19,520 --> 00:39:22,880
Speaker 1: always love the Dravet group because of the anxiety it

672
00:39:22,920 --> 00:39:26,239
Speaker 1: causes me, and you know, not recognizing that knowing what

673
00:39:26,280 --> 00:39:28,520
Speaker 1: it's good for. And the other thing that I was

674
00:39:28,560 --> 00:39:32,359
Speaker 1: going to say is that having a kid with disabilities

675
00:39:32,440 --> 00:39:36,640
Speaker 1: feels very lonely, especially as all your other friends are

676
00:39:36,640 --> 00:39:40,680
Speaker 1: having kids who are progressing normally, and it can feel

677
00:39:40,800 --> 00:39:46,279
Speaker 1: very lonely. And my experience has been that, no, they

678
00:39:46,320 --> 00:39:49,919
Speaker 1: don't understand what you're going through unless you tell them,

679
00:39:50,320 --> 00:39:53,879
Speaker 1: and that it is incredibly meaningful to tell people what

680
00:39:53,920 --> 00:39:57,800
Speaker 1: you're going through, and that does a lot. It won't

681
00:39:57,840 --> 00:40:01,640
Speaker 1: change the fact that they don't truly, they're not experiencing

682
00:40:01,640 --> 00:40:05,600
Speaker 1: what you're experiencing. But if you don't want to feel

683
00:40:05,640 --> 00:40:09,400
Speaker 1: like you have to leave your long standing friendships behind

684
00:40:09,480 --> 00:40:12,080
Speaker 1: because they don't understand, you have to tell them. You

685
00:40:12,120 --> 00:40:14,799
Speaker 1: have to like basically bring them along with you. And

686
00:40:14,880 --> 00:40:18,520
Speaker 1: so that that has actually made a tremendous difference to

687
00:40:18,560 --> 00:40:22,000
Speaker 1: feel like, my friends understand some of what I'm experiencing

688
00:40:22,000 --> 00:40:25,880
Speaker 1: because I've told them about it. And keeping those friends

689
00:40:25,880 --> 00:40:29,240
Speaker 1: and relationships in your life is super super important because,

690
00:40:29,280 --> 00:40:32,120
Speaker 1: as you said, it can be isolating, and so you

691
00:40:32,200 --> 00:40:35,319
Speaker 1: need to keep those ties. So that totally totally makes sense.

692
00:40:35,400 --> 00:40:37,960
Speaker 1: Oh my gosh, so many like very actionable things here,

693
00:40:38,000 --> 00:40:39,680
Speaker 1: which I think is amazing. I'm going to have to

694
00:40:39,760 --> 00:40:42,280
Speaker 1: like write it down in a list for the show notes,

695
00:40:42,880 --> 00:40:45,200
Speaker 1: would you take us through a brief day in the

696
00:40:45,280 --> 00:40:47,279
Speaker 1: life before we share our love of the week? I

697
00:40:47,280 --> 00:40:50,799
Speaker 1: love the logistics. I always sneak this in when I can. Yeah,

698
00:40:50,840 --> 00:40:53,520
Speaker 1: my life is actually pretty simple. Since we are working

699
00:40:53,520 --> 00:40:58,879
Speaker 1: from home and I typically wake up somewhere between six

700
00:40:59,000 --> 00:41:04,080
Speaker 1: or seven, I don't don't set an alarm because I

701
00:41:04,120 --> 00:41:06,560
Speaker 1: recently realize that I have not been getting enough sleep,

702
00:41:06,640 --> 00:41:08,640
Speaker 1: and everything is so much harder, and everything is so

703
00:41:08,719 --> 00:41:11,239
Speaker 1: much worse, and things were calming down, So like, my

704
00:41:11,320 --> 00:41:14,440
Speaker 1: number one priority right now is sleep. I am trying

705
00:41:14,440 --> 00:41:17,440
Speaker 1: to get My average sleep over the last six months,

706
00:41:17,480 --> 00:41:20,960
Speaker 1: reporting to my Apple Watch was like six hours a night,

707
00:41:21,000 --> 00:41:22,840
Speaker 1: and I was like, oh, that's why I feel terrible,

708
00:41:23,800 --> 00:41:26,600
Speaker 1: And so now I am prioritizing sleep, so I don't

709
00:41:26,600 --> 00:41:29,160
Speaker 1: set an alarm. I tend to get up between six

710
00:41:29,200 --> 00:41:31,759
Speaker 1: and seven, though most nights, based on when I go

711
00:41:31,840 --> 00:41:35,560
Speaker 1: to bed, and depending on what time I wake up,

712
00:41:35,760 --> 00:41:41,600
Speaker 1: I will exercise. I've previously liked more intense form of

713
00:41:41,640 --> 00:41:46,080
Speaker 1: exercise than I can handle right now, and what I've noticed,

714
00:41:46,160 --> 00:41:48,160
Speaker 1: probably because of all of the stress of the last

715
00:41:48,160 --> 00:41:52,680
Speaker 1: few years, was just that more intense exercise was depleting.

716
00:41:52,760 --> 00:41:56,320
Speaker 1: So at this stage, my version of exercise is doing

717
00:41:56,360 --> 00:41:59,239
Speaker 1: a lot of walks in the morning. I have some

718
00:41:59,360 --> 00:42:02,520
Speaker 1: friends that I will call on my walks, other friends

719
00:42:02,520 --> 00:42:04,880
Speaker 1: with kids, other friends who exercise or walk their dogs

720
00:42:04,920 --> 00:42:07,080
Speaker 1: in the morning. And so it'll be a social thing.

721
00:42:08,000 --> 00:42:13,360
Speaker 1: Then I will usually come home and kind of putter

722
00:42:13,560 --> 00:42:16,680
Speaker 1: or do chores or all that sort of thing. In

723
00:42:16,719 --> 00:42:19,919
Speaker 1: the meantime, my husband is getting my daughter up. He's

724
00:42:19,960 --> 00:42:23,640
Speaker 1: the one who is dressing her, giving her bath, you know.

725
00:42:23,760 --> 00:42:26,160
Speaker 1: He usually prepares her food the night before so and

726
00:42:26,200 --> 00:42:29,560
Speaker 1: she usually eats for the first time at daycare, and

727
00:42:29,680 --> 00:42:32,239
Speaker 1: so it's really just like getting her ready. He will

728
00:42:32,280 --> 00:42:35,920
Speaker 1: bite her to daycare. If the weather is not good,

729
00:42:36,040 --> 00:42:39,120
Speaker 1: either raining or too hot. Because one of our daughter's

730
00:42:39,120 --> 00:42:42,399
Speaker 1: seize your triggers is actually heat, I will drive her

731
00:42:42,440 --> 00:42:45,520
Speaker 1: to daycare. But usually in the morning it's usually cool

732
00:42:45,640 --> 00:42:49,359
Speaker 1: enough that he can bit her in and then I

733
00:42:49,480 --> 00:42:53,200
Speaker 1: will shower, get ready, sit down and start working. And

734
00:42:54,000 --> 00:42:56,800
Speaker 1: it usually continues. I usually have my first meal around

735
00:42:56,800 --> 00:43:00,279
Speaker 1: like eleven, and then I have my second meal day,

736
00:43:00,320 --> 00:43:04,320
Speaker 1: usually around four. Our daughter actually recently started a medical

737
00:43:04,880 --> 00:43:08,600
Speaker 1: a medically supervised keto diet, and so she is not

738
00:43:08,640 --> 00:43:10,680
Speaker 1: at the stage where you can eat around her, so

739
00:43:10,719 --> 00:43:14,960
Speaker 1: we don't. So I try to eat before she comes home,

740
00:43:15,680 --> 00:43:18,520
Speaker 1: because if I wait till after she goes to bed,

741
00:43:18,560 --> 00:43:20,319
Speaker 1: it's too late for me to eat and like go

742
00:43:20,400 --> 00:43:22,640
Speaker 1: to bed comfortably. So I try to do like two

743
00:43:22,719 --> 00:43:26,920
Speaker 1: big meals at like eleven and four for my meals

744
00:43:26,920 --> 00:43:31,720
Speaker 1: for the day. And then because it's summertime, it's typically hotter,

745
00:43:31,800 --> 00:43:34,440
Speaker 1: so I'm more likely to be picking her up from daycare,

746
00:43:34,880 --> 00:43:39,440
Speaker 1: although oftentimes my husband does and he's still able to

747
00:43:39,440 --> 00:43:42,320
Speaker 1: buy her and best case scenario, it's not too hot.

748
00:43:42,719 --> 00:43:45,000
Speaker 1: They will oftentimes stop at a playground on the way

749
00:43:45,000 --> 00:43:47,239
Speaker 1: home where she gets to run around and get out

750
00:43:47,239 --> 00:43:50,680
Speaker 1: a lot of extra energy, and she is usually you know,

751
00:43:51,160 --> 00:43:54,319
Speaker 1: she has an ice vest that she wears, and she

752
00:43:54,480 --> 00:43:57,800
Speaker 1: also my husband will go with like ice water and

753
00:43:57,840 --> 00:44:01,919
Speaker 1: an insulated container to help keep her cool. She'll stay

754
00:44:01,920 --> 00:44:05,600
Speaker 1: at the playground until she gets a little twitchy. She

755
00:44:05,640 --> 00:44:08,400
Speaker 1: has multiple different kinds of seizures. One of the seizures

756
00:44:08,440 --> 00:44:11,960
Speaker 1: literally just looks like twitching. You wow, might not notice

757
00:44:12,080 --> 00:44:14,239
Speaker 1: it's like a is it like a precursor, Like you're

758
00:44:14,280 --> 00:44:17,640
Speaker 1: like okay if it doesn't necessarily elevate, But they will

759
00:44:17,640 --> 00:44:20,319
Speaker 1: continue like she's not gonna cool herself down, like it's

760
00:44:20,760 --> 00:44:23,359
Speaker 1: more like she needs to be brought inside. She needs

761
00:44:23,400 --> 00:44:28,080
Speaker 1: air conditioning in order to cool herself off. And so

762
00:44:28,120 --> 00:44:31,080
Speaker 1: then they'll come home and we'll usually go straight into

763
00:44:31,080 --> 00:44:34,680
Speaker 1: cooking food for her, which my husband also usually takes

764
00:44:34,680 --> 00:44:37,240
Speaker 1: the lead on preparing. She's been on a Kido diet

765
00:44:37,280 --> 00:44:39,879
Speaker 1: for about a month, which is to say, like every

766
00:44:39,920 --> 00:44:42,800
Speaker 1: single thing that she eats is measured by the gram.

767
00:44:42,920 --> 00:44:45,400
Speaker 1: Every single thing that goes into her mouth the diet

768
00:44:45,440 --> 00:44:47,960
Speaker 1: is like ninety two percent fat and so like she's

769
00:44:48,000 --> 00:44:51,239
Speaker 1: literally eating like variations of butter soup for meals. And

770
00:44:51,280 --> 00:44:53,799
Speaker 1: for those who are listening, this is a fairly well

771
00:44:53,840 --> 00:44:57,440
Speaker 1: known protocol for for severe seizures. So this, yeah, there

772
00:44:57,440 --> 00:44:59,799
Speaker 1: may be others who have experienced this as well, and

773
00:45:00,160 --> 00:45:02,839
Speaker 1: to be medically supervised and everything, like you said, yes,

774
00:45:02,880 --> 00:45:04,879
Speaker 1: which is why she has two neurologists. She has her

775
00:45:05,000 --> 00:45:10,120
Speaker 1: Kaiser neurologists and then her neurologist that has overseen her

776
00:45:10,320 --> 00:45:13,840
Speaker 1: sort of Keto protocol because Kaiser doesn't do that themselves.

777
00:45:14,800 --> 00:45:19,319
Speaker 1: So she will eat her food and she loves her

778
00:45:19,400 --> 00:45:21,680
Speaker 1: Keto food. It's amazing. We thought it was actually going

779
00:45:21,680 --> 00:45:24,960
Speaker 1: to be really hard because everyone's like Keto is horrible

780
00:45:25,920 --> 00:45:28,640
Speaker 1: or very difficult to do, but she actually loves her

781
00:45:28,680 --> 00:45:31,479
Speaker 1: Keto food. She literally eats everything we put in front

782
00:45:31,520 --> 00:45:34,680
Speaker 1: of her, which she had actually been really picky about

783
00:45:34,719 --> 00:45:38,400
Speaker 1: food before starting Keto. I think that like her body

784
00:45:38,400 --> 00:45:41,640
Speaker 1: intuitively knows that she needs it, and it's been incredibly helpful.

785
00:45:42,360 --> 00:45:44,640
Speaker 1: We've been able to reduce medicines. We've been able to

786
00:45:45,640 --> 00:45:50,440
Speaker 1: we've seen massive improvements in her development and her speech,

787
00:45:50,800 --> 00:45:54,440
Speaker 1: and it's also calmed a number of sort of problematic

788
00:45:54,440 --> 00:45:57,400
Speaker 1: behaviors that she had. So we love Keto Keto for life.

789
00:45:57,960 --> 00:46:02,360
Speaker 1: That's amazing. And so this is a relatively recent development.

790
00:46:02,440 --> 00:46:05,040
Speaker 1: But like preparing her food is something that only takes

791
00:46:05,239 --> 00:46:09,360
Speaker 1: you know, like fifteen minutes now, and then she eats

792
00:46:09,400 --> 00:46:11,920
Speaker 1: and we sit around and she it's like the portions

793
00:46:11,920 --> 00:46:15,120
Speaker 1: of food are very small, and so she eats in

794
00:46:15,160 --> 00:46:18,040
Speaker 1: like ten minutes, maybe a little longer if she's she's

795
00:46:18,080 --> 00:46:21,120
Speaker 1: working on learning how to spoon feed herself and so

796
00:46:21,320 --> 00:46:24,360
Speaker 1: and use utensils, and so that takes a little bit longer.

797
00:46:25,160 --> 00:46:28,640
Speaker 1: But dinner, we all sit down together for dinner, but

798
00:46:29,000 --> 00:46:31,680
Speaker 1: you know, she's the only one eating, and after she's

799
00:46:31,680 --> 00:46:33,800
Speaker 1: done eating, she likes to help us clean the table

800
00:46:34,960 --> 00:46:37,760
Speaker 1: and then we sort of like play and putter around

801
00:46:37,800 --> 00:46:40,680
Speaker 1: our house for maybe an hour or so, and then

802
00:46:40,680 --> 00:46:44,759
Speaker 1: my husband gets ready for bed and I then take

803
00:46:44,800 --> 00:46:48,400
Speaker 1: over and do story time and cuttle time, and we

804
00:46:48,480 --> 00:46:50,280
Speaker 1: just sit. I just like grab a stack of books

805
00:46:50,280 --> 00:46:52,600
Speaker 1: and we just like sit and read. And we usually

806
00:46:52,640 --> 00:46:55,399
Speaker 1: will read in our bed and then you know, I'll

807
00:46:55,440 --> 00:46:57,279
Speaker 1: sit there and I'll say are you ready for bed now?

808
00:46:57,920 --> 00:47:01,319
Speaker 1: And she's like no, and and then I'll ask we'll

809
00:47:01,320 --> 00:47:02,960
Speaker 1: sit with a little longer, and then I'll ask her,

810
00:47:03,080 --> 00:47:05,879
Speaker 1: are you ready for bed now? And she'll like no,

811
00:47:06,600 --> 00:47:08,360
Speaker 1: And you know, we'll do this back and forth and

812
00:47:08,360 --> 00:47:12,080
Speaker 1: it's one of my favorite rituals of the day, so

813
00:47:13,719 --> 00:47:17,680
Speaker 1: just you know, and then eventually she'll be like, yeah,

814
00:47:17,960 --> 00:47:20,359
Speaker 1: I'm ready, and so then I'll go and put her

815
00:47:20,400 --> 00:47:22,080
Speaker 1: in her bed, and she has this little doll that

816
00:47:22,120 --> 00:47:25,600
Speaker 1: has like the sound of a heartbeat and breathing, and

817
00:47:25,600 --> 00:47:28,239
Speaker 1: she like I'll tell her to give her the dollar squeeze.

818
00:47:28,360 --> 00:47:30,799
Speaker 1: She'll give the doll squeeze, and then I'll talk her

819
00:47:30,840 --> 00:47:32,960
Speaker 1: into bed and I'll say, you know, we're just outside

820
00:47:33,000 --> 00:47:36,120
Speaker 1: the door. If anything comes up, we're still here. And

821
00:47:36,440 --> 00:47:38,520
Speaker 1: then she goes to bed, and then I will usually

822
00:47:39,040 --> 00:47:43,400
Speaker 1: sort of weathe a bit before bed, and it's really,

823
00:47:43,480 --> 00:47:46,040
Speaker 1: like I said, you know, we're not doing very much.

824
00:47:46,160 --> 00:47:51,439
Speaker 1: We're still like relatively tight COVID wise, since she can't

825
00:47:51,440 --> 00:47:54,160
Speaker 1: be vaccinated, and because her getting stick would cause lots

826
00:47:54,200 --> 00:47:56,960
Speaker 1: of complications or increases the likelihood of seizures. So we

827
00:47:57,080 --> 00:48:00,279
Speaker 1: like we kind of like stick around our house because

828
00:48:00,320 --> 00:48:02,799
Speaker 1: she needs air conditioning. It really limits what we can

829
00:48:02,840 --> 00:48:06,120
Speaker 1: do outside, which is unfortunate in the summertime. Any day

830
00:48:06,200 --> 00:48:11,560
Speaker 1: that is remotely nice weather wise, we go crazy outdoors.

831
00:48:11,640 --> 00:48:13,880
Speaker 1: But you know it's summertime in the DC area, so

832
00:48:13,960 --> 00:48:17,320
Speaker 1: it's not great. Oh my goods. I think it sounds

833
00:48:17,400 --> 00:48:20,680
Speaker 1: very cozy and lovely and peaceful and that you've crafted

834
00:48:20,719 --> 00:48:24,160
Speaker 1: are really thoughtful of routine around everything. So I'm glad

835
00:48:24,160 --> 00:48:27,000
Speaker 1: we did the day in the Life segment. All right,

836
00:48:27,239 --> 00:48:32,000
Speaker 1: love of the week. I'm excited to hear yours. Yes.

837
00:48:32,080 --> 00:48:34,759
Speaker 1: So I mentioned that we have a old bungalow and

838
00:48:34,880 --> 00:48:38,000
Speaker 1: we are probably going to be doing some renovations and

839
00:48:38,760 --> 00:48:42,360
Speaker 1: it'll be one of the projects that I largely manage

840
00:48:42,400 --> 00:48:45,920
Speaker 1: and make the majority of the decisions about and do

841
00:48:46,000 --> 00:48:48,759
Speaker 1: all the coordination. And it is a tremendous amount of work.

842
00:48:48,800 --> 00:48:50,200
Speaker 1: And I was talking about this with my therapist the

843
00:48:50,239 --> 00:48:52,239
Speaker 1: other day and I was like, I can't believe we're

844
00:48:52,239 --> 00:48:54,680
Speaker 1: finally getting to a place of relative calm, and I'm

845
00:48:54,680 --> 00:48:59,319
Speaker 1: like entertaining the idea of introducing this like crazy wild card.

846
00:49:00,040 --> 00:49:02,560
Speaker 1: And I just had the epiphany the other day, like,

847
00:49:02,640 --> 00:49:04,719
Speaker 1: you know what, I'm going to treat this like it's

848
00:49:04,719 --> 00:49:08,000
Speaker 1: my hobby and I am going to at like there

849
00:49:08,080 --> 00:49:10,760
Speaker 1: is no rush to get everything done. I can spend

850
00:49:10,840 --> 00:49:12,799
Speaker 1: as much time as I want sort of planning and

851
00:49:12,880 --> 00:49:16,760
Speaker 1: preparing for it, and it doesn't have to have a timeline.

852
00:49:16,800 --> 00:49:20,040
Speaker 1: I love houses, I love old houses and things like that,

853
00:49:20,239 --> 00:49:23,280
Speaker 1: and so one of the things that I found recently

854
00:49:23,320 --> 00:49:28,120
Speaker 1: actually was a podcast called Advice from an Architect, And

855
00:49:28,800 --> 00:49:32,960
Speaker 1: she just happens to randomly be a architect in the

856
00:49:33,040 --> 00:49:35,759
Speaker 1: DC area who has this podcast who talks about these

857
00:49:35,760 --> 00:49:40,280
Speaker 1: are the realities of like doing renovation projects and things

858
00:49:40,320 --> 00:49:42,719
Speaker 1: like that, and I realized one of the things that

859
00:49:42,760 --> 00:49:44,440
Speaker 1: was really stressing me out about the project was just

860
00:49:44,440 --> 00:49:46,840
Speaker 1: feeling like I don't know anything about it, and so

861
00:49:47,239 --> 00:49:49,239
Speaker 1: this is kind of talking me through what are the

862
00:49:49,320 --> 00:49:51,800
Speaker 1: things like this is like real talk from an architect.

863
00:49:51,920 --> 00:49:53,760
Speaker 1: What do you need to know if you want to

864
00:49:53,800 --> 00:49:56,839
Speaker 1: do a big renovation project? And so it's like really

865
00:49:56,920 --> 00:50:01,279
Speaker 1: informative and fun. That sounds awesome. I'm so intimidated by

866
00:50:01,280 --> 00:50:04,920
Speaker 1: anything related to renovation. Thankfully, I don't think our current

867
00:50:04,920 --> 00:50:07,439
Speaker 1: house will need too much because it's only thirty years

868
00:50:07,480 --> 00:50:09,320
Speaker 1: old and we already put in floors and that's the

869
00:50:09,360 --> 00:50:11,279
Speaker 1: extent what I can handle. But if I ever need to,

870
00:50:11,400 --> 00:50:15,279
Speaker 1: I will check out that podcast. That is awesome. My

871
00:50:15,640 --> 00:50:19,520
Speaker 1: love of the week is I just finished Emily Saint

872
00:50:19,680 --> 00:50:23,080
Speaker 1: John Mandel Sea of Tranquility, and oh my god, I'm

873
00:50:23,200 --> 00:50:25,719
Speaker 1: just I loved it, loved it, loved it. I loved

874
00:50:25,719 --> 00:50:29,040
Speaker 1: her other two books, which were Station eleven and Glass Hotel.

875
00:50:29,320 --> 00:50:31,000
Speaker 1: I know a lot of people love Station eleven. Not

876
00:50:31,040 --> 00:50:33,759
Speaker 1: everybody loved Glass Hotel, but I really did. And this

877
00:50:33,840 --> 00:50:36,200
Speaker 1: third one is just like it takes pieces of the

878
00:50:36,239 --> 00:50:38,879
Speaker 1: other two and it's just like wild and I thought

879
00:50:38,880 --> 00:50:42,960
Speaker 1: it was fantastic, cool. All right, Well, at last, this

880
00:50:43,000 --> 00:50:46,760
Speaker 1: has been so fun. I may actually have to convince

881
00:50:46,760 --> 00:50:48,959
Speaker 1: you to also come on Best Laid Plans, so maybe

882
00:50:48,960 --> 00:50:53,040
Speaker 1: we'll have to chat again soon. But really, thank you

883
00:50:53,120 --> 00:50:55,600
Speaker 1: so much. This was such a pleasure, and I know

884
00:50:55,640 --> 00:50:58,399
Speaker 1: we're going to get a lot of listeners who find

885
00:50:58,400 --> 00:51:02,240
Speaker 1: this incredibly valuable as well, So thank you. I'm happy

886
00:51:02,239 --> 00:51:07,160
Speaker 1: to chat. Awesome. So that was amazing, so much great

887
00:51:07,200 --> 00:51:11,680
Speaker 1: and actionable advice from Elise. This question this week from

888
00:51:11,760 --> 00:51:14,400
Speaker 1: a listener is a little bit different but might be

889
00:51:14,400 --> 00:51:18,640
Speaker 1: a fun one to think about. So this listener is,

890
00:51:19,560 --> 00:51:23,800
Speaker 1: you know, running a lab that has many scientists working

891
00:51:23,840 --> 00:51:26,920
Speaker 1: for her, and she has been recently given two thousand

892
00:51:27,000 --> 00:51:31,000
Speaker 1: dollars to spend on professional development, so the funds can

893
00:51:31,040 --> 00:51:33,799
Speaker 1: be used for various things, and she was asking us

894
00:51:33,840 --> 00:51:37,080
Speaker 1: if we had ideas on how we thought she should

895
00:51:37,160 --> 00:51:41,320
Speaker 1: spend it. She threw a few things out there, but Sarah,

896
00:51:41,360 --> 00:51:44,360
Speaker 1: I'm very curious, what do you think somebody should spend

897
00:51:44,480 --> 00:51:48,040
Speaker 1: two thousand dollars on if they have this fund setting

898
00:51:48,040 --> 00:51:51,960
Speaker 1: around for professional development? Yeah? Her, I mean, I'll mention

899
00:51:52,120 --> 00:51:54,759
Speaker 1: one of her ideas was personal styling. And even though

900
00:51:54,800 --> 00:51:57,239
Speaker 1: I think that is like such a cool idea and

901
00:51:57,480 --> 00:52:00,160
Speaker 1: I get why it makes sense, I think in both

902
00:52:00,200 --> 00:52:04,759
Speaker 1: scientific communities it would be a really hard sell and

903
00:52:04,800 --> 00:52:08,400
Speaker 1: if you didn't get an outright no, you might still

904
00:52:08,440 --> 00:52:14,560
Speaker 1: get some pushback. There's also, two thousand dollars is a

905
00:52:14,600 --> 00:52:20,040
Speaker 1: lot of money, so you could probably potentially do those

906
00:52:20,040 --> 00:52:21,640
Speaker 1: things for a little bit less than that. I'm not

907
00:52:21,680 --> 00:52:24,880
Speaker 1: talking about buying the clothes themselves. But the actual like styling.

908
00:52:25,040 --> 00:52:28,080
Speaker 1: So maybe since it seems like you're super excited about

909
00:52:28,080 --> 00:52:30,719
Speaker 1: doing that, that might be something you pursue on your

910
00:52:30,800 --> 00:52:33,520
Speaker 1: own if I had two thousand dollars, And she clarifies

911
00:52:33,560 --> 00:52:35,880
Speaker 1: that this is like in addition to other kind of

912
00:52:35,960 --> 00:52:39,240
Speaker 1: leadership and management training and regular conferences, I would probably

913
00:52:39,280 --> 00:52:44,680
Speaker 1: pick a really fun conference focus on personal development of

914
00:52:44,680 --> 00:52:49,640
Speaker 1: some kind, like working women. I don't know, like something

915
00:52:49,719 --> 00:52:52,200
Speaker 1: like that where and they do have that kind of

916
00:52:52,280 --> 00:52:54,960
Speaker 1: thing in the medical world. I know of several, like

917
00:52:55,080 --> 00:52:58,680
Speaker 1: female physicians empowerment type conferences. I would totally spend it

918
00:52:58,719 --> 00:53:00,520
Speaker 1: on something like that, and I would treat it as

919
00:53:00,560 --> 00:53:02,919
Speaker 1: a little mini retreat for myself and I would really

920
00:53:02,920 --> 00:53:06,160
Speaker 1: really enjoy it, you know, if there wasn't something more

921
00:53:06,360 --> 00:53:08,479
Speaker 1: concrete skill set that I wanted to get. You also

922
00:53:08,560 --> 00:53:11,960
Speaker 1: mentioned like some kind of like planning type training or

923
00:53:12,000 --> 00:53:15,200
Speaker 1: management workshop, you know, run by one of the bigger companies,

924
00:53:15,200 --> 00:53:18,800
Speaker 1: and I think that could be really really cool as well. Yeah,

925
00:53:18,840 --> 00:53:22,200
Speaker 1: I just think the styling question, which is sort of

926
00:53:22,360 --> 00:53:24,279
Speaker 1: was the forefront of her question, is going to be

927
00:53:24,440 --> 00:53:26,520
Speaker 1: a hard sell for most But I still love that

928
00:53:26,560 --> 00:53:28,000
Speaker 1: you want to do that. Yeah, I think it's a

929
00:53:28,000 --> 00:53:30,279
Speaker 1: great idea. Yeah, I would say a couple of things.

930
00:53:30,320 --> 00:53:34,399
Speaker 1: You know, One is like buy some books that you've

931
00:53:34,520 --> 00:53:36,359
Speaker 1: really just always wanted to read, and I guess they

932
00:53:36,360 --> 00:53:40,040
Speaker 1: wouldn't have to be totally focused on, you know, your

933
00:53:40,120 --> 00:53:44,279
Speaker 1: area of science. That could be just anything self help, development,

934
00:53:44,400 --> 00:53:47,000
Speaker 1: professional of course, you know books aren't that expensive either,

935
00:53:47,120 --> 00:53:49,040
Speaker 1: or you can you know, you wouldn't get through the

936
00:53:49,080 --> 00:53:51,560
Speaker 1: whole two thousand dollars on this. She had asked about

937
00:53:51,600 --> 00:53:53,480
Speaker 1: coaching as well. I think you want to be careful

938
00:53:53,520 --> 00:53:56,080
Speaker 1: with this because the world of coaching is, like, you know,

939
00:53:56,800 --> 00:53:58,400
Speaker 1: some of it is total snake oil. There are some

940
00:53:58,440 --> 00:54:01,319
Speaker 1: people who are very good. There's some people who you know,

941
00:54:01,440 --> 00:54:03,319
Speaker 1: quit their job and then now want to tell other

942
00:54:03,320 --> 00:54:05,759
Speaker 1: people how to do that job that they freezing quit

943
00:54:06,920 --> 00:54:09,759
Speaker 1: that did work out for them, So you know, you

944
00:54:09,800 --> 00:54:13,480
Speaker 1: got to be careful with this. But I would say

945
00:54:13,480 --> 00:54:17,120
Speaker 1: that if there was a specific skill that you were

946
00:54:17,160 --> 00:54:22,319
Speaker 1: looking to build, maybe it was professional speaking or some

947
00:54:22,360 --> 00:54:27,520
Speaker 1: sort of writing skill, maybe leading meetings, you might be

948
00:54:27,520 --> 00:54:30,680
Speaker 1: able to find very focused coaching on that sort of thing,

949
00:54:31,360 --> 00:54:33,799
Speaker 1: and then that might be something that would feel very

950
00:54:33,880 --> 00:54:38,240
Speaker 1: useful in terms of investing in that versus just overall

951
00:54:38,360 --> 00:54:41,680
Speaker 1: general I need a life coach kind of thing. But yeah,

952
00:54:41,680 --> 00:54:44,640
Speaker 1: it's a fun question. I would love to hear from

953
00:54:44,680 --> 00:54:48,160
Speaker 1: listeners about how you would spend two thousand dollars on

954
00:54:48,200 --> 00:54:51,560
Speaker 1: your professional development and something that would be a little

955
00:54:51,560 --> 00:54:53,160
Speaker 1: bit out of the box. So not just you know,

956
00:54:53,200 --> 00:54:55,800
Speaker 1: your industry's big conference every year. Let's assume you're already

957
00:54:55,840 --> 00:54:58,440
Speaker 1: going to that. What else would you spend it on

958
00:54:58,719 --> 00:55:01,239
Speaker 1: if you had two thousand dollars? Let us know and

959
00:55:01,280 --> 00:55:03,960
Speaker 1: in the meantime this episode, Sarah has been interviewing a

960
00:55:04,080 --> 00:55:06,959
Speaker 1: Leif Thompson. We will be back next week with more

961
00:55:07,000 --> 00:55:11,400
Speaker 1: on making work and life fit together. Thanks for listening.

962
00:55:11,640 --> 00:55:14,719
Speaker 1: You can find me Sarah at the shoebox dot com

963
00:55:14,840 --> 00:55:18,640
Speaker 1: or at the Underscore Shoebox on Instagram, and you can

964
00:55:18,640 --> 00:55:22,920
Speaker 1: find me Laura at Laura vandercam dot com. This has

965
00:55:22,960 --> 00:55:26,239
Speaker 1: been the best of both Worlds podcasts. Please join us

966
00:55:26,280 --> 00:55:29,680
Speaker 1: next time for more on making work and life work together.