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Speaker 1: Las Hello and welcome my favorite murder the Miniso.

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Speaker 2: We read you your stories, the best of the best.

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Speaker 3: And the best we can that's all we can do.

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Speaker 3: You want to give it a try, I'll give.

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Speaker 2: It a shot. Oh okay, this one's a heavy one,

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Speaker 2: starting right off the bat. Okay, great, but it says

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Speaker 2: the title and it says don't read title. Okay, same

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Speaker 2: time that's happened. Actually, you know, they leave it up

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Speaker 2: to us usually. Yeah.

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Speaker 3: No, She's like, trust me on this one.

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Speaker 2: Oh well, hello, yeah, cuties, it's it starts. I've been

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Speaker 2: a loyal listener since twenty twenty and a third time writer.

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Speaker 2: Fingers crossed this one makes the cut. I was thirty

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Speaker 2: six weeks pregnant with our third daughter, and in the

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Speaker 2: true spirit of pregnancy, was feeling like shit. Thankfully, I

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Speaker 2: had a regularly scheduled OV appointment and was sent to

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Speaker 2: the hospital straight away when they determined I had preclampsia

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Speaker 2: and it says elevated blood pressure in pregnancy. I, in

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Speaker 2: all my naivete thought they'd keep me over a night

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Speaker 2: for observation and send me home in the morning, good

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Speaker 2: as new. Wrong. Instead of a relaxing night of eating,

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Speaker 2: hospital Jello and binge watching Food Network. I was stripped,

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Speaker 2: shaved and wheeled into emergency sea section. Oh shit, yeah,

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Speaker 2: I don't like the shaved bar stripped and shaved, stripped away.

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Speaker 2: It's up here. What does it have to be?

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Speaker 3: It's because you know why they'd open you up. They

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Speaker 3: open you all the way up.

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Speaker 2: Sorry, mom, Janet three three PC's three sea sections.

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Speaker 3: Wow. Anyways, I'm sorry.

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Speaker 2: I did that to her all caps. I was panicked.

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Speaker 2: My husband wasn't allowed into the surgical swee until I

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Speaker 2: had received my spinal tap because so many men pass

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Speaker 2: out when they see the big needles eye roll. So

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Speaker 2: he was situated in a waiting room with a TV.

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Speaker 2: Whilst watching this TV, he was informed of what was

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Speaker 2: happening just down the road from the hospital we were

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Speaker 2: sitting in. When he was finally allowed to join me,

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Speaker 2: his eyes were wide as softballs and his voice was

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Speaker 2: more like that of a robot when he said, Hi, babe,

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Speaker 2: you're doing fine. Everything is fine, Everything is fine. Oh,

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Speaker 2: immediately picking up on like it's not the sea sex.

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Speaker 2: She's like, no, this, it's not even the sea section yet.

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Speaker 3: It's like you are about to get split open.

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Speaker 2: Yeah.

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Speaker 3: And then someone walks in, clearly trying to cover right,

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Speaker 3: just like, just tell me yes.

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Speaker 2: Immediately picking up that his vibe was way off, I

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Speaker 2: asked him what his deal was as he was trying

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Speaker 2: to assure me that everything was okay. The anisthesiologist said

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Speaker 2: in the most nonchalant voice, Well, my son is in

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Speaker 2: lockdown for what? I asked as tears welled up in

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Speaker 2: my eyes. Oh, the whole hospital is in lockdown. There's

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Speaker 2: an active shooter on the Michigan State campus. There were

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Speaker 2: shots fired in the union hall, and the entire hospital

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Speaker 2: is in lockdown as the shooter is at large. While

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Speaker 2: she's laying on an operating table, I thought my husband

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Speaker 2: was going to puke. He had tried so hard despite

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Speaker 2: his own fears, to keep me calm, and Fern not

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Speaker 2: his real name, just filled every last drop of tea. Yeah, like,

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Speaker 2: keep her calm. She has preclampsy yet, which already means

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Speaker 2: her blood pressure is high.

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Speaker 3: Right, Yeah, exactly?

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Speaker 2: Can you not?

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Speaker 3: And also, how about you just put that mask on

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Speaker 3: and let her leave the scene. They're just telling her

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Speaker 3: horrible stories as she goes under her.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, bye bye. Just as he said this, all the

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Speaker 2: pagers on every employee blared and as many people who

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Speaker 2: could leave, my o R did and rushed to the

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Speaker 2: ear to help the victims in whatever way they could.

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Speaker 2: The shooter ended up taking his own life after fleeing

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Speaker 2: five miles on foot. The names of those who lost

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Speaker 2: their lives on February thirteenth, twenty twenty three, our Brian Frasier,

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Speaker 2: Ariel Anderson, and Alexandria Werner will never stop saying their names.

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Speaker 2: Our baby was delivered safely and was taken to the

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Speaker 2: NIKU for the next twenty days. As she grew and

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Speaker 2: gained strength, we named her Noel. At first, we were

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Speaker 2: heartbroken that her birthday was marred by such an unthinkable tragedy,

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Speaker 2: but she has shown us time and time again that

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Speaker 2: we brought a blindingly bright light into a very dark

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Speaker 2: world that day. I know we have been given the

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Speaker 2: opportunity to raise three strong women who view others as valuable, important,

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Speaker 2: and equal. If you are struggling or thinking of hurting

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Speaker 2: yourself or others, please know there is hope and help

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Speaker 2: for a better day. You are loved, you are important,

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Speaker 2: and violence will not make anything better. I have thank

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Speaker 2: you Karen and Georgia and everyone else on the exactly

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Speaker 2: right team for spreading love and stressing the importance of

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Speaker 2: self care and mental health awareness for all. I apologize

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Speaker 2: for the lengthy read, but I feel it's a story

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Speaker 2: worth sharing with so much love Taylor.

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Speaker 3: Taylor, it is a story worth sharing, and also like

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Speaker 3: a story of your own vulnerability. And then basically like

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Speaker 3: delivering that ending part, which is like this horror show.

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Speaker 3: People are brought into this world and it is often

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Speaker 3: a horror show, and you can make something of that

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Speaker 3: and you can turn it.

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Speaker 2: Like I wouldn't have read this if you didn't have

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Speaker 2: such a beautiful ending, you know what I mean, because

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Speaker 2: it's just so awful. But she just really tied it together.

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Speaker 3: She nailed it. She nailed it, and she also faced

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Speaker 3: so mad at those men in that room. But she's like,

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Speaker 3: the fuck up, you get me five more push presents

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Speaker 3: or whatever they're fucking called, Like you owe me, you

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Speaker 3: all owe me.

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Speaker 2: Get to Swarpskis's dad.

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Speaker 3: Okay, well let me turn it around a little bit please.

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Speaker 3: So a couple of weeks ago, I told the story

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Speaker 3: of the Pappy van Winkle bourbon heist. You could call

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Speaker 3: it the slowest heist of all time. Subject line of

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Speaker 3: this email is my dad sold Pappy van Winkle out

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Speaker 3: of our house. Ti Karen and Georgia, longtime listener, first

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Speaker 3: time writer, and lifelong fangirl. I just want to say

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Speaker 3: you two are my absolute favorite humans to listen to

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Speaker 3: while I walk commute to work and avoid my problems, etc.

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Speaker 3: I've been with you since the early days, and your

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Speaker 3: podcast has been a constant source of joy, laughs, gasps,

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Speaker 3: and the occasional inappropriate giggle in public. So when I

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Speaker 3: heard cares bourbon story last week, I had to write

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Speaker 3: in why because my serious, entrepreneurial, non bourbon drinking father

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Speaker 3: accidentally ran an underground Peppy van Winkle empire out of

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Speaker 3: our suburban basement.

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Speaker 2: Oh my god.

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Speaker 3: I love when people get to tell us their story

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Speaker 3: connected our story.

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Speaker 2: It's my favorite when they thought they'd never tell the story.

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Speaker 2: Yes for anyone, right, I love it. I love it.

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Speaker 3: Even when it's the slightest connection. It's still fun. Okay,

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Speaker 3: so it says. Back in the day, my dad had

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Speaker 3: some friends in DC who were part of a very

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Speaker 3: serious bourbon club, the kind where middle aged men sit

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Speaker 3: around pretending to blind taste bourbon like it's the Westminster

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Speaker 3: Dog show you hold out the bourbon lo and behold

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Speaker 3: the bourbon that kept sweeping every round with some obscure

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Speaker 3: bottle with an old timey label, Pappy van Winkle.

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Speaker 2: Oh.

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Speaker 3: Now, my dad is not a whiskey drinker at all.

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Speaker 3: He much prefers wine. But he is a businessman, and

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Speaker 3: like any good businessman, he took mental notes. Fast forward

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Speaker 3: to when he'd come to visit me around two thousand

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Speaker 3: and eight, a college in Fort Collins, Colorado, and he'd

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Speaker 3: always want to stop by this local liquor store, Wilbur's.

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Speaker 3: I figured he just wanted to bond, or like buy

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Speaker 3: a bottle of two buck chuck to celebrate my academic success.

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Speaker 3: I had no idea he was casing the joint for Pappy,

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Speaker 3: But every time he left that store with a smile

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Speaker 3: and a brown paper bag, he was one step closer

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Speaker 3: to his destiny bourbon mogul he was. He was buying

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Speaker 3: Pappy for fifty two dollars a bottle, What, yes, fifty two,

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Speaker 3: and hoarding it like liquid gold in our basement. My

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Speaker 3: mom eventually asked, honey, why do we have a whiskey

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Speaker 3: graveyard downstairs? You don't even drink it? And my Dad,

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Speaker 3: unsure what his plan was, but full of hustle, said

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Speaker 3: I don't know, maybe I'll sell it on eBay and

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Speaker 3: sell it he did. Oh my god, a first bottle

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Speaker 3: listed for seven hundred dollars with a few bids. It

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Speaker 3: sold next one one thousand dollars with even more bids.

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Speaker 2: Why are they selling it for fifty two dollars.

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Speaker 3: Because they don't know? So he knew because he was

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Speaker 3: in the very serious bourbon club the dad did, but

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Speaker 3: poor they were like how thrift stores used to be

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Speaker 3: when they would have the gold just sitting there and

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Speaker 3: if nobody knew to use the eBay or like look

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Speaker 3: it up totally. Suddenly we had golfers, doctors and suspiciously

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Speaker 3: well dressed bourbon bros showing up at our door with

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Speaker 3: envelopes of cash asking for Mike. Oh my god, i'd

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Speaker 3: loved it is micro Dad's name? Did you make up

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Speaker 3: a new name? My code name's going to be Mike. Right.

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Speaker 3: He was shipping bottles across the country and rugged up photography,

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Speaker 3: mailing tubes, living his best bourbon bootlegging life, all while

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Speaker 3: my brothers and I were completely unaware. We just thought

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Speaker 3: Dad had weird new friends. He ended up making do

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Speaker 3: you want to guess?

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Speaker 2: Twenty five thousand dollars?

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Speaker 3: Exactly right, exactly fucking right. Stop looking at my notes.

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Speaker 2: I was like, fifties too much? Yeah, holy you nailed it.

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Speaker 3: Twenty five thousand dollars and three months paid for a

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Speaker 3: whole semester of my brother's tuition, all from a liquor

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Speaker 3: store run and a hunch. And after all that, he

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Speaker 3: finally tried a glass and was like, Nah, not that good, incorrect,

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Speaker 3: I would love to try it. He also let my

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Speaker 3: brothers try it, and they weren't sold either. I only

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Speaker 3: took a small whiff of the stuff one day, and

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Speaker 3: I wasn't too impressed anyway. Thank you both for everything

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Speaker 3: you do. You've kept me company and laughing through the years,

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Speaker 3: and I cannot wait all caps to see you again

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Speaker 3: live in Denver. Much love, Lara.

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Speaker 2: Oh my god, Lara, that was excellent.

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Speaker 3: She came from a Pappy van Winkle family.

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Speaker 2: That is wild. Yeah, Okay, I'm not going to reach

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Speaker 2: you the very funny title of this. Okay, hello to

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Speaker 2: all my favorite people I've never met. I see your

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Speaker 2: minisod story featuring a children's Pilgrim themed birthday party. And

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Speaker 2: raise you a children's Victorian themed birthday party when I

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Speaker 2: was a young, weird fifth grader. So it's called my

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Speaker 2: eleven year old Victorian ghost theme birthday party.

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Speaker 3: Nice a dream?

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Speaker 2: Uh huh. One day, as my mom and I were

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Speaker 2: driving through tenth Ay, Arizona, we passed by what appeared

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Speaker 2: to be an old, two story Victorian house. I asked

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Speaker 2: my mom what the house was used for, and she

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Speaker 2: told me it was one of the oldest dive bars

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Speaker 2: in town.

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Speaker 3: Oh.

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Speaker 2: Confused, I asked why someone would make an old house

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Speaker 2: into a bar, and she responded, it's very haunted.

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Speaker 3: Oh shit.

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Speaker 2: Yeah. I immediately wanted to know everything, especially considering that

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Speaker 2: growing up in Phoenix doesn't hold the same ghostly intrigue

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Speaker 2: as other parts of the country. Hot places don't have

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Speaker 2: as many ghosts for some reason.

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Speaker 3: Right, only if you think about it in terms of

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Speaker 3: a ghost town, that's where they're the hot ones are

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Speaker 3: ghost towns. But then everywhere else feels like there's.

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Speaker 2: Just tons of new build in Arizona too. Yes, yeah, okay,

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Speaker 2: I get it. McMansions aren't haunted.

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Speaker 3: I mean depends on the what horrible things that happened inside.

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Speaker 2: Now, what's buried underneath. The home was built in the

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Speaker 2: early nineteen hundreds by a wealthy family who was said

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Speaker 2: to haunt the place today. Ownership changed over in the

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Speaker 2: nineteen eighties and was converted into the area's Irish pub

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Speaker 2: slash dive bar, Take Me There Place. The house is

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Speaker 2: situated on a residential street, and homeowners have reported seeing

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Speaker 2: lights on in the wee morning hours, or a couple

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Speaker 2: dance in the attic when the place is unoccupied. M

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Speaker 2: dancing ghosts. That's like the scariest thing you could do.

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Speaker 2: Staff have reported dishes falling with no explanation, chairs being

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Speaker 2: stacked seemingly by themselves. That's a fucking hell No, that's

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Speaker 2: polter guys.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, that's polter. Geison is also you know the very

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Speaker 3: haunted comedy store, really because it used to be a

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Speaker 3: mafia nightclub.

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Speaker 2: Oh my god.

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Speaker 3: There's a story of the bouncer walking out of the

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Speaker 3: main room, which is gigantic, and walking back in in

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Speaker 3: Every chair in the place was stacked.

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Speaker 2: In the show fuck you No, I would quit.

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Speaker 3: Yeah leave yeah.

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Speaker 2: And footsteps on the second floor when no one is

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Speaker 2: up there. I can handle footsteps, yeah.

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Speaker 3: Because that's like I'm crazy. Who cares everything. It's a raccoon.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, when you're like physically picking things up and putting

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Speaker 2: them in weird positions.

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Speaker 3: Fast fast, like turn around and they're there.

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Speaker 2: A few months later, when my parents asked what I

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Speaker 2: wanted to do for my eleventh birthday, my little goth

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Speaker 2: heart knew exactly what to ask for. I told my

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Speaker 2: parents I wanted to have my party at the Victorian

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Speaker 2: House in Victorian clothing with a dozen preteen girls. My parents'

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Speaker 2: response at the bar, well, they didn't just oblige. They committed.

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Speaker 2: My mom being an avid thrifter before it was cool.

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Speaker 2: Spent a few weeks collecting Victorian inspired dresses, hats, gloves,

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Speaker 2: and shoes from the racks of Goodwill and the like.

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Speaker 3: Wow, yeah, what's it like to have a mom like

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Speaker 3: I don't know. My mom was literally like, it's DIY

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Speaker 3: on Halloween.

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Speaker 2: You're wearing your brother's old costume. Ye, deal with it.

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Speaker 3: Have fun.

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Speaker 2: It's definitely gonna catch fire. Okay. She had to call

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Speaker 2: the bar and arrange, and I'm pretty sure pay a

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Speaker 2: little extra to have a bunch of children hosted in

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Speaker 2: the attic of the house for afternoon lunch.

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Speaker 3: But it's a legitimately haunted place.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, on the day of the party, my friends and

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Speaker 2: I got to pick out our items of Victorian clothing

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Speaker 2: we wanted to wear, and got all dolled up and yes,

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Speaker 2: went to a bar. Yes, Little m was so excited

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Speaker 2: until I saw the very confus used, in amused faces

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Speaker 2: of several college a CHIPsters standing around drinking their beers

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Speaker 2: to witness children walking up the stairs dressed in Victorian.

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Speaker 3: Class h If I was at that birthday part, what

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Speaker 3: would you do? I would first of all, I would go,

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Speaker 3: we're ghosts, We're dead. You can see us. Just put

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Speaker 3: a bunch of wiped out her all.

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Speaker 2: Oh well, no ghosts were sited that day. It's still

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Speaker 2: one of the most cherished birthday memories because you know,

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Speaker 2: they were freaking each other out the whole time.

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Speaker 3: I mean, imagine how you would be legit kind of

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Speaker 3: scared the whole time.

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Speaker 2: I love it is the perfect age for that one

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Speaker 2: of my most cherished birthday memories. I'm still a spooky

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Speaker 2: bitch who loves a good ghost story and who wears

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Speaker 2: mostly black. Some things never change. Yeah, yes, I know,

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Speaker 2: I started this email with my favorite people I've never met,

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Speaker 2: but I'll get to meet you both at your live

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Speaker 2: show in San Diego, and I couldn't be more thrilled. Yay,

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Speaker 2: you have to tell us you're the Victorian Birthday girls.

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Speaker 3: Please scream Victorian Birthday girl at all.

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Speaker 2: Dress up like a Victorian ghost.

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Speaker 3: Please.

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Speaker 2: I'd everyone at every show has to dress up like

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Speaker 2: a Victorians.

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Speaker 3: I would love it. Also, it's like you could dress

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Speaker 3: up like a Victorian ghost and you could bring your mom.

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Speaker 3: That was the best mom ever.

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Speaker 2: We want to meet your mom, Pam. God, bring Pam. Pam,

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Speaker 2: stay sexy and maybe remind your mom some things aren't

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Speaker 2: just a phase. Sierra she her, I'm going.

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Speaker 3: To be creepy for the rest of my life.

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Speaker 2: I'm always gonna love this. Yes, no, you're not. Yes

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Speaker 2: you are.

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Speaker 3: You're always gonna have to work with this ghost aspect

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Speaker 3: of my personnel.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, love it. I'm going to be the goth you

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Speaker 2: look for.

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Speaker 3: Just the idea that children we've evolved in that way

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Speaker 3: where that isn't the worst thing a parent could be

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Speaker 3: dealing with with their child. They could enjoy it.

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Speaker 2: Yeah. There's very few things that make me wish I

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Speaker 2: had children at some point, and that is one of those.

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Speaker 2: If my kid did that, that'd be like.

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Speaker 3: When also, you'd be like, it's a bar, right, I

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Speaker 3: mean my mom would be like, well, okay, we'll wait

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Speaker 3: for you downstairs.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, okay.

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Speaker 3: Subject line of this is, hey, what about track greetings

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Speaker 3: eighties and gentle thems for I bring a tale of

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Speaker 3: trash mommery. Trash dads may be prevalent, but moms are

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Speaker 3: trashy too. My mom always had her struggles with alcohol

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Speaker 3: and drug use, so we weren't close. But every summer

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Speaker 3: I went to stay with her for one faral month

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Speaker 3: in the most feral of decades.

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Speaker 2: Yes, I'm talking about the eighties. Ooh, I can smell

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Speaker 2: I can smell the cigarettes.

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Speaker 3: It's such a to me. That's such an anachronistic kind

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Speaker 3: of thing, where it's like, you can't live with your mom, right,

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Speaker 3: but go stay with her for.

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Speaker 2: A month, right, But a month is fine?

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Speaker 3: And then the next paragraph starts, she was not a

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Speaker 3: very vigilant mom. You would get no Victorian children birthday

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Speaker 3: parties here. This is kind of the opposite. As a result,

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Speaker 3: my summers were loaded with near death experiences, ice cold

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Speaker 3: water from hoses, and truly excellent eighties music on my

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Speaker 3: walkman because everyone scammed Columbia House to get free tapes

335
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Speaker 3: back then. Yep, sure did. My mom. Ever, the grifter

336
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Speaker 3: devised what I like to call the shuffle or church shuffle,

337
00:16:00,600 --> 00:16:03,160
Speaker 3: to flee the summer heat and our shenanigans. My mom

338
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Speaker 3: would shuffle around.

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Speaker 2: Wow, you made that up and it works. That's like

340
00:16:08,240 --> 00:16:12,160
Speaker 2: hard to do perfect, it's so good. The chuffle to

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Speaker 2: the chuffle. You know.

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Speaker 3: She'd just be in town shuffling around until she found

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Speaker 3: a church offering free sleepaway camps.

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Speaker 2: Okay, brilliant.

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Speaker 3: She gets her children for the one month that she

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Speaker 3: gets to have them a year, and she's like.

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Speaker 2: Get them out of here.

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Speaker 3: You love Jesus, right bye, Tell them you love Jesus.

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Speaker 3: I'll see you in three weeks.

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Speaker 2: Tell them you're Jewish or like whatever the religion is.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, just get in. So it said we were like

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Speaker 3: spiritual tourists, hopping from Baptist bonfires to Methodist bingo nights,

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Speaker 3: all in the glorious pursuit of complimentary mosquito bites, and

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Speaker 3: many younger folk might not realize that in the eighties

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Speaker 3: we actually went to a camp, not just the bleak

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Speaker 3: vacation Bible school they offer now. We rode yellow buses

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Speaker 3: singing ninety nine bottles of beer on the wall. We

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Speaker 3: slumbered in smelly bunk beds. We downed hot dogs, tumbled

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Speaker 3: off of unstable swings into lakes, flipped canoes, and stank

360
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Speaker 3: at our tree. God, I did all of that, did

361
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Speaker 3: all of it. Past Cramer camp, Saint Andrew's and also

362
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Speaker 3: ours was Episcopalian and we were Catholic, all right, that's right.

363
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Speaker 3: And we came back. I told you the story. We

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Speaker 3: came back on a Sunday and we went straight to

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Speaker 3: the Episcopalian church to like have Mass and say goodbye.

366
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Speaker 3: And then when we got back to my aunt Kathleen's house,

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Speaker 3: my grandmother was there and she said, are they going

368
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Speaker 3: to go to real mass? Now? She wanted us to

369
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Speaker 3: go to another church twice in one day, ayeah, because

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00:17:26,080 --> 00:17:29,000
Speaker 3: Catholic church is the only real one. Look, it's an intense,

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00:17:29,119 --> 00:17:31,679
Speaker 3: irish thing. I'll talk to you about it later. I

372
00:17:31,720 --> 00:17:34,160
Speaker 3: had my first kiss and my first heartbreak at one

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Speaker 3: of those camps. And in parentheses it says I'm looking

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Speaker 3: at you, Brett, first kiss and first harp break.

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Speaker 2: I love it.

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00:17:40,800 --> 00:17:44,040
Speaker 3: You signed that. It was a killer way to spend

377
00:17:44,040 --> 00:17:47,680
Speaker 3: the summer excluding one wee little detail, a little white lie,

378
00:17:47,720 --> 00:17:50,399
Speaker 3: if you will. Her ruse to get us into the

379
00:17:50,440 --> 00:17:52,480
Speaker 3: camps was to tell them that I wanted to be

380
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Speaker 3: born again or baptized.

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Speaker 2: She's actually being like a very generous She's giving her

382
00:17:57,920 --> 00:18:00,879
Speaker 2: these incredible experiences and they're safe, Like she's putting her

383
00:18:00,880 --> 00:18:02,400
Speaker 2: somewhere safe, you know what I mean.

384
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Speaker 3: Stafe at a church, at a camp filled with church people.

385
00:18:06,640 --> 00:18:10,080
Speaker 2: Yeah, am I being naive? I know, but I didn't

386
00:18:10,080 --> 00:18:10,880
Speaker 2: go to church. I can't.

387
00:18:10,960 --> 00:18:13,080
Speaker 3: I'll tell you. I'm from the Catholic Church.

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Speaker 2: Okay, I hear you. I hear you. I hear you.

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Speaker 3: I think the Episcopalians are very safe. But also just

390
00:18:18,720 --> 00:18:21,000
Speaker 3: that's the idea where it's like we're gonna get you

391
00:18:21,040 --> 00:18:23,040
Speaker 3: into free camp and you have to go do the

392
00:18:23,040 --> 00:18:26,320
Speaker 3: show to get yourself in. It's just it is trash. Mommy,

393
00:18:27,119 --> 00:18:30,560
Speaker 3: tales of my pilgrimage to find Jesus flowed freely. I

394
00:18:30,640 --> 00:18:33,040
Speaker 3: was a sinner and I wanted to be saved. As

395
00:18:33,040 --> 00:18:36,080
Speaker 3: a result, I've been baptized not once, not twice, but

396
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Speaker 3: over ten times.

397
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Speaker 2: Oh my god, salvation.

398
00:18:39,320 --> 00:18:42,800
Speaker 3: Was found in baby pools lakes. Dubious streams, bathtubs, you

399
00:18:42,880 --> 00:18:45,720
Speaker 3: name it. If holy water was being zealously poured into

400
00:18:45,720 --> 00:18:48,160
Speaker 3: a vessel by someone claiming to chit chat with God,

401
00:18:48,600 --> 00:18:50,800
Speaker 3: I was doused in it. Did you know that there

402
00:18:50,800 --> 00:18:55,440
Speaker 3: are different types of baptism? I do aspersion, effusion, immersion,

403
00:18:55,600 --> 00:18:56,320
Speaker 3: or submersion.

404
00:18:56,400 --> 00:18:57,680
Speaker 2: Wow, my luck.

405
00:18:57,800 --> 00:19:00,240
Speaker 3: I was usually submerged in front of everyone, and I

406
00:19:00,240 --> 00:19:04,080
Speaker 3: had to convincingly renounce Satan. Do'st thou renounce Satan and

407
00:19:04,119 --> 00:19:08,400
Speaker 3: all his works? Sure, he seems pretty agro. Picture of this,

408
00:19:09,000 --> 00:19:12,199
Speaker 3: I'm being baptized in a freezing cold hot tub, donning

409
00:19:12,240 --> 00:19:15,399
Speaker 3: someone else's white Laura Ashley dress. And then in parentheses

410
00:19:15,440 --> 00:19:18,680
Speaker 3: it says that I never gave back and angelically smiling

411
00:19:18,720 --> 00:19:22,200
Speaker 3: because I knew those s'mores were made possible by my blasphemy.

412
00:19:22,840 --> 00:19:25,720
Speaker 3: Every summer I returned to school with tales of debauchery

413
00:19:25,760 --> 00:19:28,560
Speaker 3: and a few new cavities. No one else I knew

414
00:19:28,800 --> 00:19:30,560
Speaker 3: got to go to three camps that summer.

415
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Speaker 2: She became and probably still is the most interesting person

416
00:19:33,800 --> 00:19:36,920
Speaker 2: at any gathering. Hell, yes, the most interesting person, Because you're.

417
00:19:36,880 --> 00:19:39,920
Speaker 3: Right, it's like chips, yeah, hardships, and you're being sent

418
00:19:40,000 --> 00:19:41,359
Speaker 3: to be with different kinds of people.

419
00:19:41,520 --> 00:19:44,119
Speaker 2: Not your own, and you're experiencing these insane things that

420
00:19:44,160 --> 00:19:45,640
Speaker 2: most people don't ever experience.

421
00:19:45,680 --> 00:19:49,399
Speaker 3: So like you just have more life, Yes, all the

422
00:19:49,440 --> 00:19:52,240
Speaker 3: politics of camp, like the Sunday when you get there

423
00:19:52,280 --> 00:19:55,440
Speaker 3: and you don't like these people. By the end you're crying. Yeah,

424
00:19:56,080 --> 00:19:58,000
Speaker 3: no one else I knew. Got to go to three

425
00:19:58,000 --> 00:20:00,119
Speaker 3: camps that summer and threw up because they broke the

426
00:20:00,160 --> 00:20:03,320
Speaker 3: cardinal rule of swimming too soon after eating. Who cares?

427
00:20:03,359 --> 00:20:05,800
Speaker 3: I was saved. Fast forward to today and I'm a

428
00:20:05,840 --> 00:20:10,160
Speaker 3: proud card carrying Satanist. Hail Satan and fuck the patriarchy.

429
00:20:12,000 --> 00:20:12,880
Speaker 2: That's what happens.

430
00:20:13,000 --> 00:20:13,400
Speaker 3: That's right.

431
00:20:13,760 --> 00:20:15,560
Speaker 2: Cram it down someone's throat and they're gonna go with

432
00:20:15,640 --> 00:20:16,440
Speaker 2: the opposite direction.

433
00:20:16,600 --> 00:20:19,480
Speaker 3: They tasted that buffet over and over again, and they're like,

434
00:20:19,600 --> 00:20:22,679
Speaker 3: this sucks. I stopped speaking to my mom when I

435
00:20:22,720 --> 00:20:25,000
Speaker 3: was thirteen, so I was keenly aware that I was

436
00:20:25,040 --> 00:20:28,200
Speaker 3: a motherless daughter. Now, with three children of my own,

437
00:20:28,320 --> 00:20:30,760
Speaker 3: I get to share my wild childhood stories with them.

438
00:20:31,119 --> 00:20:33,879
Speaker 3: So much of my life is unimaginable to them because

439
00:20:33,920 --> 00:20:35,720
Speaker 3: I have made sure that they have the kind of

440
00:20:35,760 --> 00:20:37,080
Speaker 3: childhood I should have had.

441
00:20:37,200 --> 00:20:39,160
Speaker 2: Oh, she's a Victorian dress mom.

442
00:20:39,359 --> 00:20:43,040
Speaker 3: She became the children who get sent to free camps

443
00:20:43,160 --> 00:20:46,000
Speaker 3: by their trash mom become the mothers that are like,

444
00:20:46,320 --> 00:20:48,560
Speaker 3: what era of dress would you like.

445
00:20:48,520 --> 00:20:49,880
Speaker 2: To dress up the exactly?

446
00:20:49,920 --> 00:20:52,280
Speaker 3: Oh my god, lovely. Some of our moms are too

447
00:20:52,320 --> 00:20:54,760
Speaker 3: close to the flame. Yeah, it's like it has to

448
00:20:54,800 --> 00:20:58,840
Speaker 3: be another generation too, sure, like my sister us.

449
00:20:58,920 --> 00:21:01,000
Speaker 2: It ends with Laura and why do you think we

450
00:21:01,000 --> 00:21:03,040
Speaker 2: don't want kids? Yeah? Remember what member?

451
00:21:03,119 --> 00:21:04,800
Speaker 3: But that was like, that's that's what I think we're

452
00:21:04,800 --> 00:21:07,520
Speaker 3: supposed to be doing for somehow. Laura and Lee both yeah,

453
00:21:07,680 --> 00:21:11,280
Speaker 3: knew better. Yeah not me. No, There's nothing I'm more

454
00:21:11,359 --> 00:21:13,879
Speaker 3: proud of in this life than being a cycle breaker.

455
00:21:14,080 --> 00:21:16,440
Speaker 3: And as I always say, if there really is a God,

456
00:21:16,640 --> 00:21:18,920
Speaker 3: I am golden. If not, I do have a few

457
00:21:18,920 --> 00:21:21,480
Speaker 3: good memories with my mom, and I guess that is enough.

458
00:21:21,760 --> 00:21:27,280
Speaker 3: Stay sexy and send all your pennies to Columbia House. PCP, PCP.

459
00:21:27,760 --> 00:21:28,520
Speaker 2: That was epic.

460
00:21:28,720 --> 00:21:33,840
Speaker 3: PCP. Thank you for sharing your life and those details,

461
00:21:33,880 --> 00:21:36,959
Speaker 3: because man, it's just as good, it's just as valid.

462
00:21:37,119 --> 00:21:38,879
Speaker 2: I want to hear more. What made you the weird

463
00:21:38,960 --> 00:21:41,200
Speaker 2: interesting person? What made you interesting?

464
00:21:41,560 --> 00:21:41,639
Speaker 3: Like?

465
00:21:41,720 --> 00:21:43,840
Speaker 2: What fucked up thing you know?

466
00:21:44,119 --> 00:21:47,760
Speaker 3: When you showed up at camp? And everyone else went huh, Yeah,

467
00:21:47,760 --> 00:21:50,760
Speaker 3: what was it about you you thought like and that

468
00:21:50,800 --> 00:21:52,879
Speaker 3: you learned at camp from other kids where you're like, ooh,

469
00:21:52,920 --> 00:21:53,720
Speaker 3: stop saying.

470
00:21:53,520 --> 00:21:55,800
Speaker 2: That or never stop saying or like you had to

471
00:21:55,840 --> 00:21:59,480
Speaker 2: become clever because this is the position you were in. Yeah,

472
00:21:59,560 --> 00:22:00,440
Speaker 2: I want to hear those stories.

473
00:22:00,480 --> 00:22:02,760
Speaker 3: Yeah, you have to win over three different council of

474
00:22:02,840 --> 00:22:03,680
Speaker 3: kids every summer.

475
00:22:03,760 --> 00:22:09,480
Speaker 2: That love Jesus. Okay, I have one more quick, one

476
00:22:10,359 --> 00:22:13,920
Speaker 2: whole company calendar story. Hello Murderinas.

477
00:22:14,480 --> 00:22:15,600
Speaker 3: Oh that's interesting.

478
00:22:16,320 --> 00:22:18,760
Speaker 2: In a recent episode, you asked for stories of accidental

479
00:22:18,800 --> 00:22:22,879
Speaker 2: company emails, specifically mentioning someone accidentally tracking her period on

480
00:22:22,920 --> 00:22:25,800
Speaker 2: the company calendar. I'm so glad we asked for these,

481
00:22:25,800 --> 00:22:30,480
Speaker 2: because this is asking for more all caps. I have one. Hey,

482
00:22:30,960 --> 00:22:35,000
Speaker 2: my husband, Brandon's best friend Jeremy is a upper all

483
00:22:35,080 --> 00:22:38,359
Speaker 2: caps position in a major tech company. Okay, they have

484
00:22:38,440 --> 00:22:41,480
Speaker 2: a history of pranking each other. So when BFF Jeremy's

485
00:22:41,840 --> 00:22:45,600
Speaker 2: BFF Jeremy left his phone unlocked and unattended, my hobby

486
00:22:45,720 --> 00:22:49,000
Speaker 2: Brandon added a daily calendar event with a pop up

487
00:22:49,040 --> 00:22:55,880
Speaker 2: alert Jeremy Loves Brandon pop up weeks past of Jeremy

488
00:22:55,920 --> 00:22:59,000
Speaker 2: getting smirks in the office before Jeremy realized everyone was

489
00:22:59,040 --> 00:23:02,920
Speaker 2: getting an alert. That's somehow, my technically challenged husband had

490
00:23:02,960 --> 00:23:07,119
Speaker 2: sent this alert to everyone in the company except Jeremy,

491
00:23:07,480 --> 00:23:10,000
Speaker 2: so Jeremy didn't even know what was happening for weeks.

492
00:23:10,720 --> 00:23:11,040
Speaker 3: Wow.

493
00:23:11,119 --> 00:23:13,040
Speaker 2: So what my husband intended as a one to do

494
00:23:13,240 --> 00:23:15,399
Speaker 2: day funny annoyance to his friend was just supposed to

495
00:23:15,440 --> 00:23:18,560
Speaker 2: pop up on his phone. Yeah, right, was actually going

496
00:23:18,720 --> 00:23:22,920
Speaker 2: out to thousands of people announcing that their high tier

497
00:23:23,040 --> 00:23:30,639
Speaker 2: manager was in love with someone for weeks. These are

498
00:23:30,680 --> 00:23:33,040
Speaker 2: both their real names and welcome to be shared. Because

499
00:23:33,040 --> 00:23:35,639
Speaker 2: so many people were involved, there's no point hiding it,

500
00:23:35,680 --> 00:23:38,040
Speaker 2: and poor Jeremy had to send out a company wide

501
00:23:38,040 --> 00:23:42,520
Speaker 2: email explaining slash apologizing and their friendship is only better

502
00:23:42,560 --> 00:23:45,920
Speaker 2: for it. Jeremy used to weed out the folks who

503
00:23:45,920 --> 00:23:48,679
Speaker 2: had a problem with Jeremy loves Brandon in a major

504
00:23:48,760 --> 00:23:50,600
Speaker 2: company and that benefits That's all.

505
00:23:50,680 --> 00:23:51,160
Speaker 3: That's true.

506
00:23:51,200 --> 00:23:53,600
Speaker 2: That's so true. Yeah, not a story I expected to

507
00:23:53,640 --> 00:23:56,720
Speaker 2: share on MFM. But when I sincerely hope brings joy

508
00:23:56,720 --> 00:23:59,600
Speaker 2: to at least you. But I positively explode, and so

509
00:23:59,680 --> 00:24:01,520
Speaker 2: would if they were actually shared.

510
00:24:01,720 --> 00:24:04,119
Speaker 3: It's hey, what's up? Time to explode.

511
00:24:04,400 --> 00:24:06,399
Speaker 2: It's a delightful memory for them, and I hope for

512
00:24:06,480 --> 00:24:08,760
Speaker 2: the thousands of people who got that daily alert for

513
00:24:08,800 --> 00:24:12,080
Speaker 2: two plus weeks who can now find out the backstory.

514
00:24:12,320 --> 00:24:17,320
Speaker 3: Yeah, Sarah, Yeah, Yeah, that is embarrassing. It's also like,

515
00:24:17,480 --> 00:24:21,280
Speaker 3: then did that did he cross a line? Where then

516
00:24:21,880 --> 00:24:26,360
Speaker 3: Jeremy's revenge has to be worse and more humiliating. Yeah,

517
00:24:26,480 --> 00:24:28,440
Speaker 3: you're really upping the ante with something like that.

518
00:24:28,359 --> 00:24:31,040
Speaker 2: Almost like hard to think of it. It being an accident.

519
00:24:31,119 --> 00:24:34,840
Speaker 2: It is so much better because doing it on purpose

520
00:24:34,920 --> 00:24:38,320
Speaker 2: is almost like mean, right, well yeah, but doing it

521
00:24:38,359 --> 00:24:39,440
Speaker 2: on accident.

522
00:24:39,080 --> 00:24:41,680
Speaker 3: Is hilarios hilarious when you're like, oh, we prank each

523
00:24:41,680 --> 00:24:43,600
Speaker 3: other all the time. But I'm saying, like, at the

524
00:24:43,680 --> 00:24:46,320
Speaker 3: end of the day, whatever the intention was, the prank

525
00:24:46,440 --> 00:24:49,520
Speaker 3: is company wide. Yeah, so now Brandon has to go

526
00:24:49,600 --> 00:24:51,120
Speaker 3: company wide with something.

527
00:24:51,000 --> 00:24:53,280
Speaker 2: Definitely next picnic pants him.

528
00:24:54,680 --> 00:24:57,960
Speaker 3: When he's giving a speech. Okay, this is a nice

529
00:24:58,000 --> 00:25:01,600
Speaker 3: way to end. It's so larious and goofy. So the

530
00:25:01,600 --> 00:25:05,439
Speaker 3: subject line of this email is number one snail Mommy, Hi,

531
00:25:05,520 --> 00:25:08,800
Speaker 3: Karen and Georgia. After hearing the hometown where you spent

532
00:25:08,920 --> 00:25:12,280
Speaker 3: a good chunk of the end talking about snails, I

533
00:25:12,359 --> 00:25:16,480
Speaker 3: knew I needed to write in I have three aquatic snails, Jacques,

534
00:25:16,720 --> 00:25:20,440
Speaker 3: a narite snail, a rabbit snail named Frascois, and a

535
00:25:20,440 --> 00:25:22,159
Speaker 3: mystery snail named Pierre.

536
00:25:22,200 --> 00:25:24,480
Speaker 2: I didn't even know there were different types of snails. Honestly,

537
00:25:24,720 --> 00:25:25,800
Speaker 2: that's amazing, okay.

538
00:25:25,600 --> 00:25:27,840
Speaker 3: And then in parentheses it says I gave them French

539
00:25:27,920 --> 00:25:32,400
Speaker 3: names because you know, as cargo money, I'm gonna eat

540
00:25:32,400 --> 00:25:35,639
Speaker 3: all these. I've had fish tanks throughout my life and

541
00:25:35,760 --> 00:25:38,080
Speaker 3: was given Pierre as a gift a few years ago.

542
00:25:38,280 --> 00:25:40,720
Speaker 3: He's the og. I had no idea how much I'd

543
00:25:40,800 --> 00:25:44,320
Speaker 3: enjoy having this little slime nugget in my life. I

544
00:25:44,400 --> 00:25:47,959
Speaker 3: feed Pierre one leaf of lettuce or spinach every two weeks.

545
00:25:48,080 --> 00:25:48,320
Speaker 2: Wow.

546
00:25:48,640 --> 00:25:51,040
Speaker 3: During this time, he can be seen crawling on top

547
00:25:51,119 --> 00:25:54,480
Speaker 3: of it Leafy Green's float and surfing it around the

548
00:25:54,520 --> 00:25:58,240
Speaker 3: tank while simultaneously eating it and then all caps. It's

549
00:25:58,440 --> 00:26:02,760
Speaker 3: the best fun fact alert. He also does this thing

550
00:26:02,920 --> 00:26:05,760
Speaker 3: that all mystery snails do, which is to creep up

551
00:26:05,840 --> 00:26:08,760
Speaker 3: to the water line and then release from the side

552
00:26:08,760 --> 00:26:11,200
Speaker 3: of the tank and parachute their bodies out like a

553
00:26:11,240 --> 00:26:14,399
Speaker 3: squirrel suit. They gently glide toward the bottom of the

554
00:26:14,440 --> 00:26:18,239
Speaker 3: tank with their antennas wafting in the aquatic breeze. I

555
00:26:18,280 --> 00:26:20,560
Speaker 3: have read the only reason they do this is because

556
00:26:20,760 --> 00:26:22,879
Speaker 3: this is the only time in their tiny lives that

557
00:26:22,920 --> 00:26:26,399
Speaker 3: they get to go fast. That's right. They do it

558
00:26:26,440 --> 00:26:28,479
Speaker 3: for fun. See video.

559
00:26:30,440 --> 00:26:34,600
Speaker 2: Okay, here he goes ready? Does he take himself out

560
00:26:34,600 --> 00:26:37,119
Speaker 2: of it? Oh he's sliding down a leaf or his lettuce?

561
00:26:37,240 --> 00:26:43,320
Speaker 2: Holy shit, boom boom, Oh my god, he did it.

562
00:26:43,400 --> 00:26:46,080
Speaker 2: That was a game that he was playing. A game.

563
00:26:46,119 --> 00:26:48,439
Speaker 3: He's playing a little game with himself, all bored in

564
00:26:48,440 --> 00:26:49,080
Speaker 3: that little tank.

565
00:26:49,200 --> 00:26:51,760
Speaker 2: A snail is playing a game that just changes everything

566
00:26:51,760 --> 00:26:53,440
Speaker 2: for me. I'm never eating es cargo again.

567
00:26:53,560 --> 00:26:57,000
Speaker 3: Also right, because they're like a sense of fun in there,

568
00:26:57,920 --> 00:27:00,439
Speaker 3: but also that idea that it's like they goes so

569
00:27:00,600 --> 00:27:04,399
Speaker 3: fucking slow. Yeah, and suddenly they're like, it must be

570
00:27:04,560 --> 00:27:07,080
Speaker 3: like like five hundred miles an hour to them.

571
00:27:07,200 --> 00:27:09,720
Speaker 2: Oh my god, amazing, look at it. It's adorable.

572
00:27:09,760 --> 00:27:12,080
Speaker 3: And then it says, I love my snails. As strange

573
00:27:12,080 --> 00:27:14,320
Speaker 3: and silly as it sounds, my snails inspire me to

574
00:27:14,359 --> 00:27:17,520
Speaker 3: take it slow, eat my greens, and go inward. Check

575
00:27:17,560 --> 00:27:19,399
Speaker 3: them out the next time you're at the pet store,

576
00:27:19,600 --> 00:27:22,320
Speaker 3: will or the sidewalk in front of your house after

577
00:27:22,359 --> 00:27:25,680
Speaker 3: it rains. Much love Jen in Austin.

578
00:27:25,800 --> 00:27:30,200
Speaker 2: Jen, or snail emails we need them, yes, snail mail, snail.

579
00:27:29,960 --> 00:27:32,800
Speaker 3: Emails, snail mail. If you've got snail mail or any

580
00:27:32,880 --> 00:27:36,680
Speaker 3: other shell based mollusk is it?

581
00:27:37,880 --> 00:27:41,200
Speaker 2: That sounds great? Email us at My Favorite Murder at gmail.

582
00:27:41,400 --> 00:27:41,840
Speaker 3: That's right.

583
00:27:41,920 --> 00:27:43,560
Speaker 2: Any fucking story at this point.

584
00:27:43,480 --> 00:27:45,960
Speaker 3: Any story I think prank's gone wrong.

585
00:27:46,000 --> 00:27:47,960
Speaker 2: Or prank's gone wrong is great.

586
00:27:48,000 --> 00:27:50,280
Speaker 3: It is great. It's kind of the Jeremy Brandon story.

587
00:27:50,280 --> 00:27:53,200
Speaker 2: Oh my god, my favorite Murger. Send us pranks gone wrong? Yeah,

588
00:27:54,119 --> 00:27:55,959
Speaker 2: and also stay sexy and don't get murdered.

589
00:27:56,640 --> 00:27:58,040
Speaker 3: Goodbye, Elvis.

590
00:27:58,040 --> 00:27:58,800
Speaker 2: Do you want a cookie?

591
00:28:06,440 --> 00:28:08,240
Speaker 3: This has been an Exactly Right production.

592
00:28:08,400 --> 00:28:10,960
Speaker 2: Our senior producers are Aleahundra Keck and Molly Smith.

593
00:28:11,000 --> 00:28:12,879
Speaker 3: Our editor is Aristotle las Veda.

594
00:28:13,000 --> 00:28:15,040
Speaker 2: This episode was mixed by Leona Squillacci.

595
00:28:15,160 --> 00:28:18,440
Speaker 3: Email your hometowns to My Favorite Murder at gmail dot com.

596
00:28:18,200 --> 00:28:20,639
Speaker 2: And follow the show on Instagram at My Favorite Murder.

597
00:28:20,680 --> 00:28:23,080
Speaker 3: Listen to My Favorite Murder on the iHeartRadio app, Apple

598
00:28:23,119 --> 00:28:25,240
Speaker 3: Podcasts or wherever you get your podcasts.

599
00:28:25,240 --> 00:28:27,720
Speaker 2: And now you can watch us on Exactly Rights YouTube page.

600
00:28:27,760 --> 00:28:29,840
Speaker 2: And while you're there, please like and subscribe.

601
00:28:30,240 --> 00:28:30,960
Speaker 3: Y bye bye,