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Speaker 1: Hey, y'all, it'sdin and guess what. We wrote a whole

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Speaker 1: ass book. That's right, y'all. Our book, We over Me,

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Speaker 1: The Counterintuitive Approach to getting Everything you want from your relationship,

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Speaker 1: discusses family, parenting, Devour's favorite topic, sex and intimacy, finances

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Speaker 1: and commitment with the honesty and raw truth y'all have

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Speaker 1: always gotten from us. We over Me, the counterintuitive approach

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Speaker 1: to getting everything you want from your relationship is available now.

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Speaker 1: Everywhere looks it's old. Every time I say I got it,

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Speaker 1: I'm gon't be having it. Dead ass, Well, that's news

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Speaker 1: to me because you are literally the epitome of check

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Speaker 1: on your strong friends that as Hey, I'm Cadine and

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Speaker 1: Devour and we're the ellis Is. You may know us

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Speaker 1: from posting funny videos with our boys and reading each

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Speaker 1: other publicly as a form of therapy. Wait, I make

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Speaker 1: you need therapy most days. Wow. And one more important

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Speaker 1: thing to mention, we're married. We are. We created this

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Speaker 1: podcast to open dialogue about some of life's most taboo topics,

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Speaker 1: things most folks don't want to talk about through the

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Speaker 1: lens of a millennium married couple. Dead ass is the

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Speaker 1: term that we say every day. So when we say

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Speaker 1: dead ass, we're actually saying facts, the truth, the whole truth,

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Speaker 1: and nothing but the truth. Were about to take pillow

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Speaker 1: talk to a whole new level. Dead ass starts right now.

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Speaker 1: This past year two was an extremely long, arduous, but

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Speaker 1: successful year for the Other's family. Indeed, I personally filmed.

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Speaker 1: I did a film in Ottawa, A did three seasons

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Speaker 1: of television. We went on a podcast tour, We finished

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Speaker 1: writing the book. And those are just some of the

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Speaker 1: small like some of the things that those are, like

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Speaker 1: major work related things, not to mention a ton of

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Speaker 1: just milestone family amends. Your mom turned sixty five, your

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Speaker 1: dad turned seventy, Cash turned five, turned one, to turn one.

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Speaker 1: It was a lot. It was just a lot of

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Speaker 1: things going on. In anytime I recap the year, I'm

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Speaker 1: always like, thank you God first and foremost, because I

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Speaker 1: wanted to complain. However, she took us out. It did so.

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Speaker 1: From around April, also filmed another episode of television. I

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Speaker 1: filmed what was the show Everything's Trash? So from that moment,

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Speaker 1: I think it was in May, I filmed mayor June.

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Speaker 1: I was going NonStop. I went from New York came

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Speaker 1: back home, flew to Ottawa, came back home, flew to

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Speaker 1: do the travel show. To do the tray of the show,

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Speaker 1: we went to four cities. Oh no, we went to

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Speaker 1: three cities. Flew back home to do the podcast tour,

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Speaker 1: then flew back to do the final city of the tour.

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Speaker 1: Then came back, flew back to New York for all

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Speaker 1: these different Mouthstone birthdays every weekend in September, every weekend.

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Speaker 1: Also the cold is Christening. Then we flew back home

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Speaker 1: to film Sisters. So I'm on set of Sisters. This

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Speaker 1: is in November. After all of that flying everything, I

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Speaker 1: was feeling good. I was I was fine. I was

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Speaker 1: ready to go. Monday, you were home. Tuesday you started

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Speaker 1: to leave to go. You had to go to Jamaica

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Speaker 1: for a family weddings, best friend's wedding. So Wednesday, Codeine

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Speaker 1: left and I had the boys, My parents and my

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Speaker 1: grandparents flew in and it just so happened that's when

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Speaker 1: cold and flew season was starting. So the kids had

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Speaker 1: gotten sick, my parents came home to help, and my

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Speaker 1: parents gotten sick. My grandparents had come home and help

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Speaker 1: my grandparents into a sick I come back home on

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Speaker 1: the Thursday night and everybody snacks, sneezing, coughing, fevers, headaches,

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Speaker 1: and I'm in the middle of production, so I can't

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Speaker 1: get sick because if I get sick, all the production stops.

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Speaker 1: And we're not even talking about COVID. We're talking about

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Speaker 1: the flu. The flu was still a thing, y'all. You

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Speaker 1: took the flu into the workplace and it starts to spread,

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Speaker 1: it can shut everything down because it was spread so

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Speaker 1: fast in this house, so it went from one person.

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Speaker 1: Cairo brought the flu home and then everyone ended up

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Speaker 1: getting it. So Friday, UM, I'm headed towards lunch. I'm

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Speaker 1: feeling fine. I go to lay down and I get

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Speaker 1: a knock at the door and it's Crystal. Everybody knows

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Speaker 1: her name is Fatima on TV. She said, Yo, d

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Speaker 1: they're getting ready to call for you on set. You know,

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Speaker 1: get going. I remember feeling like I was trying to

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Speaker 1: get up and I couldn't get up. I was saying

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Speaker 1: to my body, the val get up, and I wasn't moving.

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Speaker 1: I remember being extremely hot, and the reason why I

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Speaker 1: was hot is because I was feeling cold, like the

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Speaker 1: chills when I went in the room. So I put

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Speaker 1: the heat all the way up and turned the blanket on.

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Speaker 1: Then I was feeling hot. So I woke up and

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Speaker 1: I was sweating, telling my legs just get down. My

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Speaker 1: legs are not moving. She's like develoured with the matter.

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Speaker 1: I'm like, yo, I don't. I don't feel that. I

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Speaker 1: can't move. I can't move. So she puts her hand

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Speaker 1: on my foe and she's like, yo, you're sweating. Bro,

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Speaker 1: Like I'm gonna call the medic. She calls the medic.

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Speaker 1: The medic comes in and was just like, bro, you know,

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Speaker 1: what's the matter. How do you feel? And to be honest,

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Speaker 1: I started getting nervous, like I felt scared. He was like, yo,

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Speaker 1: can you sit up? So I'm like, I don't think

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Speaker 1: I can sit up. He was like, yo, if you

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Speaker 1: can't sit up? And after cold ambulance. Earlier in the week,

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Speaker 1: we had had someone passed out on set because um

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Speaker 1: ironically enough, that first day of shooting, it was it

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Speaker 1: was in November, but it was eighty eight degrees. The

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Speaker 1: first member we had a anomaly. It was an abnormally

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Speaker 1: hot day in November and we were filming outside on

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Speaker 1: this day and one of our mild castmates pass stout

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Speaker 1: because of the heat. We were all dressed up in

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Speaker 1: our sweaters and stuff, thinking we're going outside in the

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Speaker 1: cold and that's what it called for. But she was

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Speaker 1: standing outside for a number of hours in the heat.

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Speaker 1: So they're like, may you may be dehydrated. I go

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Speaker 1: downstairs too. Um once after, you know, I sat up.

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Speaker 1: He was like, um, if you can't see if I'm up,

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Speaker 1: to call an ambulance. I said, no, let me sit up.

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Speaker 1: I don't want you to call an ambulance. It's Friday.

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Speaker 1: If they call an ambulance and I can't finish shooting,

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Speaker 1: we lose a whole day because I had a number

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Speaker 1: of scenes at the end of the day. And if

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Speaker 1: you lose the day, it goes pushed the next week,

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Speaker 1: and that, you know, costs more money for the studio.

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Speaker 1: So I'm like no, And I also didn't want to

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Speaker 1: It's gonna sound crazy. I didn't want to go to

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Speaker 1: the doctor and they tell me I had COVID of

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Speaker 1: the fluid and I can't film for the rest of

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Speaker 1: the film shoot days. And if that happens, then everybody

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Speaker 1: has to wait until after the holidays to work, which

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Speaker 1: means people don't get paid before Christmas. People don't get

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Speaker 1: paid before New Year, and they don't get paid for Thanksgiving.

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Speaker 1: And I'm like, I don't want to be the reason why.

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Speaker 1: So I will myself to just get up. And I'm like,

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Speaker 1: get up, get up. So I get up. Um, he

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Speaker 1: takes my temperature. My temperature was like nine nine. It

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Speaker 1: wasn't like that high. So he's like, I don't He's like,

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Speaker 1: I don't think you you're sick because you don't have

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Speaker 1: a fever. I think you were hot initially because you're

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Speaker 1: in here with the heat on and you have a

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Speaker 1: blanket on. And I told him I felt cold. So

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Speaker 1: they gave me some liquid, I VS give me a

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Speaker 1: whole bunch of medicines and stuff, and they're like, can

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Speaker 1: you finish. So I didn't have a cough, I didn't

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Speaker 1: have a running nose or anything, so I'm like, here,

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Speaker 1: I can finish. I end up getting up, take the

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Speaker 1: liquid I v I drink three bottles of water. I

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Speaker 1: didn't use the bathroom at this point, I didn't realize

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Speaker 1: what was happening. I get up. I finished my scenes.

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Speaker 1: My scenes ended up being the last scenes of the night,

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Speaker 1: so I was there until twelve o'clock. And I drive home.

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Speaker 1: Me and K have a conversation. When I get home,

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Speaker 1: my parents are waiting for me when I come in

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Speaker 1: the house because I called him and told him I

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Speaker 1: wasn't feeling well. Um. When I get home, I go

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Speaker 1: to wait myself. Now right now, I'm naturally around pounds.

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Speaker 1: When I weighed myself that day, I was a hundred

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Speaker 1: and eighty five pounds, and that's where it hit me.

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Speaker 1: Then I'm burnt out. Don't push me because I'm close

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Speaker 1: to the edge. Try again, not to lose my head.

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Speaker 1: It's like a jungle sometimes to make me wonder what

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Speaker 1: they want to take us something, what they want to

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Speaker 1: take us something. That's how we're feeling at the edge

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Speaker 1: of the bed, like, don't push me off the edges.

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Speaker 1: But I really want to go back to sleep, but

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Speaker 1: I can't. You know, you got to do to do.

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Speaker 1: All right, let's take a break and then we're gonna

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Speaker 1: get back into story time and just kind of unravel

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Speaker 1: it a bit. Yeah, okay, all right, and we're back.

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Speaker 1: So at this point, de val Um, I wasn't here

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Speaker 1: and I am in America, and I want to put

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Speaker 1: this of the country. Mark this down for a podcast

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Speaker 1: for us to do about miscommunications, because this story leads

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Speaker 1: into a huge miscommunication between Codeine and I. Yes, it

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Speaker 1: was an awful, awful, awful time for us. Um, it

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Speaker 1: was like bitter sweets, all of the bittersweet moments all

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Speaker 1: in one major disagreement, made your argument major tears. It

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Speaker 1: was like a big yeah talking about raveling. It was

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Speaker 1: a big deal, um exactly. So I from a distance

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Speaker 1: was trying to decipher, like what was going on with you? Um,

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Speaker 1: And I'm so used to whenever you're filming, knowing how

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Speaker 1: strenuous your schedule is at TPS that devours usually completely

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Speaker 1: locked in and we don't hear, but I try to

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Speaker 1: keep all distractions away from you. So that was the

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Speaker 1: whole purpose of us bringing in the reinforcements. So we

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Speaker 1: had your parents, your grandparents in here, so we're like

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Speaker 1: four adults in the house. Your sister was here as well.

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Speaker 1: We got five adults in the house to kind of

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Speaker 1: divide and conquer with the kids. So that way you

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Speaker 1: can focus. And typically you stay on campus when you film,

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Speaker 1: but this time around you didn't because you've felt like, Okay,

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Speaker 1: at the end of the nights, I can come home,

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Speaker 1: spend some time with the family at least for an

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Speaker 1: hour or two and then go back. But it wasn't

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Speaker 1: just that. It was just that. It was also because

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Speaker 1: remember I had missed Jackson's football banquet the want Offensive

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Speaker 1: Outstanding offensive Back, first year back in football, and he

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Speaker 1: said to Okay, he said, Mom, you know this is

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Speaker 1: why I would never be an actor, because you missed

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Speaker 1: moments like this, so that that hurt me, you know

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Speaker 1: what I'm saying. That hurt me a lot. And I

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Speaker 1: was like, you know what, if if it's going to

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Speaker 1: take an hour out of my day in the morning,

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Speaker 1: in an hour out of my day at night of sleep,

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Speaker 1: then I'm just going to drive home so I can

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Speaker 1: at least see my boys at night or at least

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Speaker 1: wake up in the morning and kissed him before I

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Speaker 1: go off to work. So I made a choice to

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Speaker 1: drive and be here. Right. Um, what was particularly interesting

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Speaker 1: to me when you told that story just hearing you

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Speaker 1: tell it now for everyone to hear, not hearing it

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Speaker 1: from my perspective. In that moment, you were so concerned

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Speaker 1: about everyone else and their livelihood and making sure that

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Speaker 1: they would be okay, that you completely put yourself on

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Speaker 1: the back burner. You said, if I didn't work on

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Speaker 1: this Friday, or if I got diagnosed with something that

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Speaker 1: would put me out for that next week, then this,

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Speaker 1: you know, the cast couldn't work, The cast couldn't get

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Speaker 1: paid before the holidays. It would cost Tyler money. Like

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Speaker 1: you were thinking about everyone else but yourself. And that

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Speaker 1: is just a testament to the person that you are.

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Speaker 1: And I think that contributes so much too. On the

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Speaker 1: on the on the back end, um, this is the

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Speaker 1: bitter side. That's the sweet side. The bitter side is

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Speaker 1: that it now causes you to be working and functioning

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Speaker 1: continually as at the deficit. Yeah, that's a problem, and

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Speaker 1: I receive what you're saying, but I also agree that

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Speaker 1: I believe everyone in the cast makes the same sacrifice.

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Speaker 1: You know, I feel like everyone who has an important

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Speaker 1: job that the job can and I say the cast

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Speaker 1: specifically because we're the ones in front of the camera, right,

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Speaker 1: So if if someone gets sick, that's a part of

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Speaker 1: the grip. So the p s no one will know

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Speaker 1: if they're replaced. But when you come to watch the show,

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Speaker 1: if Zach isn't there, no one else can play Zack.

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Speaker 1: Like if if Danny isn't there, no one else can

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Speaker 1: play Danny or for Team or or Andy. So I

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Speaker 1: think all the casts make it a point, and we

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Speaker 1: talk about this weeks leading up to filming. Because of

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Speaker 1: our shooting schedule and because we don't have time to

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Speaker 1: do reshoots, we all kind of isolate ourselves from the

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Speaker 1: world so that we don't get sick, because that has

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Speaker 1: been our our world for the past three years. With COVID.

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Speaker 1: You know, if you test positive for COVID, you can't film,

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Speaker 1: and at TPS we film all of the season in

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Speaker 1: two weeks. So if you test positive for COVID and

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Speaker 1: that takes you out for ten days, then the whole

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Speaker 1: shoot gets pushed back. And the way Tyler schedule work,

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Speaker 1: you don't film in November, you may not be coming

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Speaker 1: back again until February. So I think everyone in the

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Speaker 1: cast makes uh decision once we find out we're going back,

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Speaker 1: all right, two weeks out, I can't go to events,

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Speaker 1: you know, I miss family time if things are happening,

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Speaker 1: So and we all make that decision. So what isn't

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Speaker 1: just me? You're absolutely right? Case in point um Crystal.

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Speaker 1: Crystal's Dakota's godmother, and we were trying to plan his

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Speaker 1: first birthday party and his crystaling in one and where

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Speaker 1: she was supposed to come to New York and at

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Speaker 1: this point we didn't even know y'all were filming it,

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Speaker 1: and then it just kind of came up, like, hey,

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Speaker 1: we're gonna be filming, which put us like two weeks

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Speaker 1: after one would have been his first birthday party and

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Speaker 1: it's christening and she's like, Sis, you know, I really

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Speaker 1: want to be there for sure, but typically I locked

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Speaker 1: myself down. So let's try to find a way to

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Speaker 1: make this work. So we ended up doing everything safely.

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Speaker 1: We had people COVID testing, people staying at home. I

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Speaker 1: think people now um understand that if they're not feeling well,

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Speaker 1: I just don't just just don't go nowhere, and people

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Speaker 1: are very sensitive to that now. I also made an

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Speaker 1: effort to not be in the crowds, like when if

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Speaker 1: he was where's devout, Where's Delo? A lot of time

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Speaker 1: I was outside, Yeah, and it wasn't because I was

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Speaker 1: trying to avoid anybody, but you're in closed spaces. We

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Speaker 1: had about seventy five people come to the first birthday party,

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Speaker 1: and you know, if one person is sick or sneeze

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Speaker 1: or cough and I don't want to be the reason

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Speaker 1: that everyone has to wear masks. It's my son's first

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Speaker 1: birthday party. His first birthday party shouldn't be about what

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Speaker 1: his dad does for work. So it was like, yo,

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Speaker 1: let people have a good time. I'm going to remove myself.

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Speaker 1: I'll come in for pictures. I'll come in and say

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Speaker 1: hi and sup. But I'm gonna be outside because I

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Speaker 1: also can't be the reason why the production doesn't go on.

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Speaker 1: So that's everything that was going on my mind. And

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Speaker 1: part of burnout is a mental burnout. How do you

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Speaker 1: balance trying to be what you need to be for

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Speaker 1: your production but also be what you need to be

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Speaker 1: for your family. In the midst of all that, we

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Speaker 1: had a whole bunch of other production shoots and stuff

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Speaker 1: to do for the book tour and the podcast and

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Speaker 1: the live podcast. It was just so many things that

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Speaker 1: my mind was like, like, I was exhausted. The days

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Speaker 1: were rolling into the days, and I remember saying, you

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Speaker 1: know how I lost the fifteen pounds in those five days.

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Speaker 1: I woke up on the Monday and said, you know what,

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Speaker 1: let me kiss all the boys before I leave. I

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Speaker 1: don't need to get anything to eat because when I

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Speaker 1: get there, I get somebody eat. When I get I

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Speaker 1: get on set. The traffic is so bad coming from

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Speaker 1: here going to the studio that every time I got there,

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Speaker 1: it was right before I needed to get in the

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Speaker 1: chair because I was also so tired. So I would

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Speaker 1: get there and be like, I gotta get in the chair. Oh,

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Speaker 1: I gotta get ready for makeup. Oh I gotta get

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Speaker 1: ready for hair, and then they're like a devout, we

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Speaker 1: need you on set. Fine, I'll eat that lunch. Then

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Speaker 1: lunch would get there, and when when lunch I get there,

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Speaker 1: my cast needs to be like, bro, we got seven

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Speaker 1: scenes after lunch, like let's run. I'm like bent, let's run,

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Speaker 1: let's run. Then I'd be like, you know what, I

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Speaker 1: took a couple of bites of food at lunch. Run

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Speaker 1: my lines. I'll eat when I get home. Then we

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Speaker 1: get we finished. We wrap it twelve o'clock. I drive

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Speaker 1: home is one one thirty, and I'm so tired. I'm like, man,

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Speaker 1: let me just get into bed. I'll take a couple

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Speaker 1: of bites of food. I'm so tired, and I have

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Speaker 1: to rehearse, so I'm face timing my castmates because I'm

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Speaker 1: not staying on campus. I mean the facetiming them for

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Speaker 1: an hour to go over the scenes we have tomorrow,

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Speaker 1: or I'm just studying my lines, and then I go

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Speaker 1: to sleep, wake up, and repeat the same thing for

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Speaker 1: five days, not realizing I'm going off of bits of

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Speaker 1: food and not even order. So most of the fifteen

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Speaker 1: pounds I lost was waterway and I was extremely dehydrated.

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Speaker 1: That's why I felt the way I felt. On top

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Speaker 1: of that, it was all the mental strain and the

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Speaker 1: emotional stuff from the months of pounding onto my schedule

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Speaker 1: that I literally was burnt out, absolutely And when I

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Speaker 1: think about burnout, um, I've seen it, mean recently that

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Speaker 1: kind of broke down different ways that people can be exhausted.

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Speaker 1: So you know, sometimes you just say, oh, I'm super

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Speaker 1: super tired, like I'm just tired. I need to sleep.

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Speaker 1: So it's like a physical layer of exhaustion, right that

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Speaker 1: need to just feeling like I want to sleep. Then

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Speaker 1: you have the mental, you know, exhaustion where it's just

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Speaker 1: like I just wish I could disconnect, turn my mind off,

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Speaker 1: stop thinking about all of the things that needs to

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Speaker 1: get done, could be getting done. Um. Then of course

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Speaker 1: emotional exhaustion there can also be spiritual exhaustion. There's so

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Speaker 1: many different ways to kind of, you know, categorize zero

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Speaker 1: exhaustion and how you're burnt out. So I think we

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Speaker 1: can touch on a little bit of that and how

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Speaker 1: it's affected us. UM looking at some facts and stats.

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Speaker 1: According to World Health Organization, burnout is a syndrome resulting

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Speaker 1: from workplace stress that has not been successfully managed. It's

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Speaker 1: characterized by three dimensions feeling of feelings of energy depletion

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Speaker 1: or exhaustion, increased mental distance from one's job or feelings

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Speaker 1: of negatives, negativism or cynicism related to one's job, and

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Speaker 1: reduced professional efficacy. That's a fancy as word, the fancy

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Speaker 1: as words, um, so three types of burnout. Burnout by

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Speaker 1: volumes so being too busy to slow down and rest,

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Speaker 1: which I think is something that we both suffer from.

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Speaker 1: Burnout by boredom, not being challenged or interested in your

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Speaker 1: life or work. I don't think that does not apply

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Speaker 1: for us. I wish I had time to be bored, y'all,

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Speaker 1: I wish. And then burnout by socialization, so committing to

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Speaker 1: others more than yourself, which definitely I think is a

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Speaker 1: layer for us so much of our job requires us

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Speaker 1: to interact with people. Um And I was even talking

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Speaker 1: to the podcast Cruely other night and I was like, man,

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Speaker 1: I'm not sure if it's the burnout that made me

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Speaker 1: feel this way, or if it was the pandemic, or

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Speaker 1: maybe a little bit of both. But someone who's always

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Speaker 1: been so social and people person in more recent years,

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Speaker 1: I want to say, in the past two years, I

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Speaker 1: found that I'm become more of an introvert, like I

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Speaker 1: enjoy just being either alone or just with my immediate family,

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Speaker 1: or just taking time to just have peace and quiet.

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Speaker 1: And it may just be also in part because our

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Speaker 1: house literally always has someone in something going, whether it's

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Speaker 1: something work related, just having family coming into town, and

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Speaker 1: that sometimes it's a conflict for you and I because

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Speaker 1: you are still Mr. Social Butterflies, so You're always like,

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Speaker 1: come on by, come on by, and then I'm just like, well,

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Speaker 1: I don't want to talk to nobody today, So how

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Speaker 1: is that gonna work out? When you don't want someone

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Speaker 1: to feel like they're not welcome when your home, Because

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Speaker 1: of course we do welcome people here to come by

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Speaker 1: and visit and stuff. But it's like, if I'm tired

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Speaker 1: and I'm burnt out. I just literally don't want to

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Speaker 1: have to sometimes even think about opening my mouth to

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Speaker 1: address someone and have small talk. You know what's funny,

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Speaker 1: my burner, you know what, my burnout having company because

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Speaker 1: when I'm when I'm here by myself, my mind wonders

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Speaker 1: and it's like wanders so and it's like what didn't

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Speaker 1: I do? What can be done better? And how can

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Speaker 1: I fix it? Right now? And when I'm here by myself,

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Speaker 1: I don't have many forms of entertainment that I'm like

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Speaker 1: that interested in right, like right now. My It's been

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Speaker 1: this way for the past six years. Right. I'm the

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Speaker 1: person that told myself, I'm going to build my social

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Speaker 1: media following, to get my platform up, to boost my

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Speaker 1: profile so I can be an actor and do all

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Speaker 1: these things. And I want to build a legacy for

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Speaker 1: my family, my wife. And I told Matt, who's part

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Speaker 1: of the podcast team. Now, I told him this years

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Speaker 1: ago what I was gonna do, right, and I've been

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Speaker 1: I've been like willing it to happen. So part of

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Speaker 1: that is me feeling like if I don't do something,

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Speaker 1: it's all gonna fall apart, you know what I'm saying.

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Speaker 1: Part of the burnout comes from feeling like you can't

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Speaker 1: delegate responsibilities and you have to handle everything because it

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Speaker 1: all comes from your mind, you know. And when I

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Speaker 1: don't have people here, like when the podcast is done,

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Speaker 1: when everyone goes home for a minute, it's like, was

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Speaker 1: that good enough? Next time? We can do more rather

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Speaker 1: than do two podics, do three podcasts. And I have

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Speaker 1: to talk myself out of doing more because for me

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Speaker 1: in the recent past, more has gotten us more. And

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Speaker 1: after being in the NFL and I don't want to

402
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Speaker 1: say failing, but coming up short in what I wanted

403
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Speaker 1: to do, mainly because I wasn't all in, I started

404
00:20:31,520 --> 00:20:33,520
Speaker 1: to feel like I gotta be all in and everything,

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Speaker 1: and if I'm not all in, then I'm gonna fail again.

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Speaker 1: And that's what's contributed to the burnout. Because I also

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Speaker 1: do the same thing to my kids. I take them

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Speaker 1: to practice. I see the things that aren't being done,

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Speaker 1: and now I'm coaching on the team. And now that

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Speaker 1: I'm coaching on the team, I can see all the

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Speaker 1: deficiencies that Jackson got. So I take them to the gym,

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Speaker 1: let's work on all your deficiencies. And then I become

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Speaker 1: addicted to his success, very much like how I got

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Speaker 1: addicted to your success, and we talked about this in

415
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Speaker 1: the book, and a matter of fact, that's another podcast

416
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Speaker 1: we can talk about being addicted to your partner's success.

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Speaker 1: It's like, all of these things because of my personality

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Speaker 1: being so addictive, contributes to me burning out because I

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Speaker 1: don't know how to put one down. You know, the

420
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Speaker 1: podcast has gotta be perfect. Sister's got to be perfect,

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Speaker 1: the travel show gotta be perfect, my marriage got to

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Speaker 1: be perfect. I got a parent perfect, the team has

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Speaker 1: to be perfect, which means all the kid's got to

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Speaker 1: be perfect. And then before you know what, I'm trying

425
00:21:24,040 --> 00:21:26,359
Speaker 1: to put all this energy into all of these things

426
00:21:26,800 --> 00:21:30,679
Speaker 1: and none of it into myself. Yep, you are the

427
00:21:30,720 --> 00:21:34,800
Speaker 1: epitome of spread thin. Yeah, You're the epitome spread thing.

428
00:21:34,880 --> 00:21:38,240
Speaker 1: And I feel like watching you over the years just

429
00:21:38,320 --> 00:21:40,760
Speaker 1: as a person, a lot of this is a testimony

430
00:21:40,800 --> 00:21:43,560
Speaker 1: to who you are. So you've become as successful as

431
00:21:43,600 --> 00:21:45,399
Speaker 1: you've been now, and I think it's only the start

432
00:21:45,400 --> 00:21:47,720
Speaker 1: because it's literally sees that we've been planting and you've

433
00:21:47,720 --> 00:21:50,760
Speaker 1: been planting that I've witnessed over the past twenty years

434
00:21:51,000 --> 00:21:54,600
Speaker 1: and more aggressively with your career in the past six years. Um,

435
00:21:54,640 --> 00:21:58,639
Speaker 1: but also too, you have a problem with delegating and

436
00:21:58,720 --> 00:22:02,240
Speaker 1: letting people do their job. But I understand that because

437
00:22:02,280 --> 00:22:05,480
Speaker 1: a lot of times, even when we do delegate, we

438
00:22:05,520 --> 00:22:07,240
Speaker 1: always look to you to say, devour what do you

439
00:22:07,280 --> 00:22:10,240
Speaker 1: think because I think there's a pressure that for example,

440
00:22:10,280 --> 00:22:13,040
Speaker 1: me as your wife and your business partner and your

441
00:22:13,119 --> 00:22:15,840
Speaker 1: your co host, there's a pressure that I feel to

442
00:22:16,160 --> 00:22:18,159
Speaker 1: measure up to a standard that you have, and that

443
00:22:21,000 --> 00:22:23,760
Speaker 1: burns me out mentally because it's always am I good enough?

444
00:22:23,800 --> 00:22:26,600
Speaker 1: For am I doing enough? Or I'll feel guilty for like,

445
00:22:26,680 --> 00:22:28,760
Speaker 1: for example, when the podcast is over, your thinking of

446
00:22:28,800 --> 00:22:30,920
Speaker 1: what can be doing next, and I'm like, oh, great,

447
00:22:30,960 --> 00:22:33,479
Speaker 1: the podcast is over. Let me go into my corner

448
00:22:33,520 --> 00:22:35,840
Speaker 1: and just sit for a second and completely blank out.

449
00:22:35,880 --> 00:22:37,320
Speaker 1: Let me watch a show and let me spend time

450
00:22:37,320 --> 00:22:38,919
Speaker 1: with the kids, let me do something that takes my

451
00:22:38,960 --> 00:22:42,120
Speaker 1: mind off of work, whereas you're thinking about the next thing.

452
00:22:42,640 --> 00:22:45,680
Speaker 1: So it's it's a tough place to be in because

453
00:22:46,320 --> 00:22:48,560
Speaker 1: I can appreciate it, and I can see how you've

454
00:22:48,560 --> 00:22:51,679
Speaker 1: become that delusionally successful person and you will be that

455
00:22:52,400 --> 00:22:54,800
Speaker 1: and it's only going to go up from here. But

456
00:22:55,080 --> 00:22:57,760
Speaker 1: it also too, is at your detriment. So I feel

457
00:22:57,760 --> 00:23:00,600
Speaker 1: like my purpose or a large part of my purposes,

458
00:23:01,000 --> 00:23:03,480
Speaker 1: as I help you to achieve those things, I have

459
00:23:03,560 --> 00:23:07,000
Speaker 1: to keep you grounded and keep you um in a

460
00:23:07,040 --> 00:23:09,520
Speaker 1: space where I'm creating an environment for you to have

461
00:23:09,680 --> 00:23:13,440
Speaker 1: downtime and forcing that downtime on you in a sense. Yeah,

462
00:23:13,520 --> 00:23:17,399
Speaker 1: like you made me go away on vacation. Absolutely, or

463
00:23:17,640 --> 00:23:20,440
Speaker 1: even for my birthday, I'm like, shoot, I was burnt

464
00:23:20,440 --> 00:23:23,040
Speaker 1: out by the time my birthday hit. Do anything for

465
00:23:23,080 --> 00:23:26,240
Speaker 1: your birthday? And that's the first time you already know, y'all.

466
00:23:26,280 --> 00:23:30,080
Speaker 1: Know y'all, you know how I feel about the holiday time.

467
00:23:30,600 --> 00:23:34,360
Speaker 1: So once October hits, it starts holiday season for you. Right,

468
00:23:34,720 --> 00:23:38,720
Speaker 1: So October hits, it's holiday season, Halloween happens. Then I'm

469
00:23:38,720 --> 00:23:41,080
Speaker 1: starting to gear up for my birthday, which is December five.

470
00:23:41,640 --> 00:23:44,600
Speaker 1: My Christmas trees are going up November one. My trees

471
00:23:44,640 --> 00:23:47,760
Speaker 1: are up the entire Thanksgiving seasons. We have family, friends

472
00:23:47,840 --> 00:23:51,199
Speaker 1: over then we go spiral right into my birthday. Right

473
00:23:51,200 --> 00:23:53,359
Speaker 1: out of my birthday, we're gearing up for Christmas the

474
00:23:53,400 --> 00:23:57,199
Speaker 1: new year. I had zero energy to do any of

475
00:23:57,200 --> 00:23:59,960
Speaker 1: that this year. And that's how you know that could

476
00:24:00,000 --> 00:24:03,560
Speaker 1: Seene had had enough. My mom, bless her heart, put

477
00:24:03,600 --> 00:24:09,080
Speaker 1: up ball six of my trees by herself. Okay, because

478
00:24:11,800 --> 00:24:14,080
Speaker 1: in the minds exactly, and I'm like, the children deserved

479
00:24:14,119 --> 00:24:15,960
Speaker 1: to at least have that as we were still ripping

480
00:24:15,960 --> 00:24:18,120
Speaker 1: and running to works the end of the year and

481
00:24:18,320 --> 00:24:20,760
Speaker 1: for my birthday this year, typically I'm like, oh shoot,

482
00:24:20,760 --> 00:24:23,080
Speaker 1: I'm like, shoot, this is thirty nine, my last year

483
00:24:23,080 --> 00:24:25,720
Speaker 1: in my thirties. I'm gonna have a thirty fine birthday.

484
00:24:26,040 --> 00:24:28,320
Speaker 1: What do we do for my birthday? A staycation and

485
00:24:28,320 --> 00:24:34,159
Speaker 1: all in a random airbnb off the grid. Uber eats

486
00:24:35,000 --> 00:24:40,040
Speaker 1: to the Airbnb. We both were scared, watched Netflix and

487
00:24:40,119 --> 00:24:41,800
Speaker 1: that was it. But I think we do have to

488
00:24:41,800 --> 00:24:43,560
Speaker 1: talk a little bit about why we needed that, because

489
00:24:43,560 --> 00:24:46,800
Speaker 1: it also leads into ways to come back burnout right

490
00:24:47,240 --> 00:24:51,520
Speaker 1: um after the whole scare with me and guys, I'm

491
00:24:51,560 --> 00:24:53,119
Speaker 1: gonna be honest, I thought I was having a stroke.

492
00:24:53,560 --> 00:24:56,879
Speaker 1: Like I work out every single day, I still lift heavyweights,

493
00:24:56,920 --> 00:24:59,119
Speaker 1: I still do sprints, I still play basketball, I can

494
00:24:59,160 --> 00:25:02,000
Speaker 1: still run fast and jumphie. So when I couldn't lift

495
00:25:02,000 --> 00:25:04,280
Speaker 1: my legs out of the bed and my vision was

496
00:25:04,320 --> 00:25:07,719
Speaker 1: blurry and I was feeling like all these different like

497
00:25:07,920 --> 00:25:10,919
Speaker 1: temperature changes. I thought I was having a stroke. I

498
00:25:10,960 --> 00:25:15,720
Speaker 1: thought that I had like like worried myself into having

499
00:25:15,880 --> 00:25:18,800
Speaker 1: having some neurological to dysfunction in my body. And I

500
00:25:18,880 --> 00:25:22,800
Speaker 1: was extremely scared. And coming off of that, I still

501
00:25:22,800 --> 00:25:24,719
Speaker 1: had to finish the week of filming. So we finished

502
00:25:24,720 --> 00:25:26,760
Speaker 1: the week of filming. But then we had to go

503
00:25:26,920 --> 00:25:32,520
Speaker 1: right into planning cases fifth birthday in Disney World, and

504
00:25:32,640 --> 00:25:36,680
Speaker 1: we did that, and I was exhausted, and I people

505
00:25:36,720 --> 00:25:39,920
Speaker 1: knew I was exhausted. There were comments on Instagram, people

506
00:25:39,960 --> 00:25:41,720
Speaker 1: like your the value look tired. You need some rest.

507
00:25:42,080 --> 00:25:44,760
Speaker 1: My mom, my dad, Everybody's like, yo, bro, you look tired.

508
00:25:45,760 --> 00:25:48,800
Speaker 1: So Kay said, yo, for my birthday this year, we're

509
00:25:48,840 --> 00:25:51,399
Speaker 1: not telling anybody where we're going, what we're doing. We

510
00:25:51,400 --> 00:25:52,840
Speaker 1: need to get off the grid. We need to just

511
00:25:52,880 --> 00:25:55,240
Speaker 1: spend a couple of days. And it was like four days,

512
00:25:55,840 --> 00:25:59,000
Speaker 1: four days by ourselves. We told the Nora, we're not

513
00:25:59,080 --> 00:26:03,200
Speaker 1: taking no business, old No. It was supposed to be

514
00:26:03,280 --> 00:26:09,320
Speaker 1: a two week block. Remember there was a two week block.

515
00:26:09,400 --> 00:26:11,959
Speaker 1: And two week block I say loosely because like we know,

516
00:26:12,080 --> 00:26:14,480
Speaker 1: we can't take two weeks off of life, like there's

517
00:26:14,520 --> 00:26:16,639
Speaker 1: just no way, right, especially if we're gearing up for

518
00:26:16,680 --> 00:26:21,600
Speaker 1: a busy beginning of but within that we were like

519
00:26:21,800 --> 00:26:26,600
Speaker 1: very minimal conversations about work and stuff, right, So go ahead, sorry,

520
00:26:26,720 --> 00:26:29,800
Speaker 1: then while we're away, you know, And here's the funny point.

521
00:26:29,800 --> 00:26:31,520
Speaker 1: I remember when Josh was here, we were filming the

522
00:26:31,600 --> 00:26:34,040
Speaker 1: last couple episodes of the podcast for the year, and

523
00:26:34,119 --> 00:26:37,000
Speaker 1: Josh and what you're doing with for K for her birthday.

524
00:26:37,080 --> 00:26:39,200
Speaker 1: So me and K decided we're not going to tell anybody.

525
00:26:39,280 --> 00:26:42,520
Speaker 1: We wanted to literally be away by ourselves and not

526
00:26:42,600 --> 00:26:45,280
Speaker 1: have anybody know where we are, because typically when people

527
00:26:45,320 --> 00:26:48,560
Speaker 1: know where we already asked us to do things, and

528
00:26:48,560 --> 00:26:50,600
Speaker 1: and it's not like do things for them, it's just like, oh,

529
00:26:50,640 --> 00:26:52,840
Speaker 1: you're gonna be here, this would be great content for

530
00:26:52,880 --> 00:26:55,440
Speaker 1: this or you have a partnership with that. If you're

531
00:26:55,440 --> 00:26:57,240
Speaker 1: gonna be there, do you mind stopping by this store?

532
00:26:57,280 --> 00:26:59,040
Speaker 1: They're gonna pay X y Z for you to come in.

533
00:26:59,040 --> 00:27:01,399
Speaker 1: And it's like, yo, don't tell nobody where we're going

534
00:27:01,440 --> 00:27:03,760
Speaker 1: to be, right, so that we can just at least

535
00:27:03,800 --> 00:27:06,680
Speaker 1: get some sleep and some rest, right, And it just worked.

536
00:27:06,720 --> 00:27:08,200
Speaker 1: It worked out well for us in that moment. I

537
00:27:08,240 --> 00:27:11,520
Speaker 1: think we did have some time to to disconnect and

538
00:27:11,560 --> 00:27:14,800
Speaker 1: to reconnect in the business call. Yeah, you took a

539
00:27:14,800 --> 00:27:18,080
Speaker 1: business call here and there. I was. I was annoyed,

540
00:27:18,119 --> 00:27:20,640
Speaker 1: But again it goes back to me understanding like how

541
00:27:20,680 --> 00:27:22,520
Speaker 1: you function. I know that you were not going to

542
00:27:22,600 --> 00:27:26,480
Speaker 1: be able to rest if you had to be disconnected

543
00:27:26,480 --> 00:27:29,200
Speaker 1: from work for that amount of time. But the thing

544
00:27:29,280 --> 00:27:32,480
Speaker 1: that scared me the most in that moment, just as

545
00:27:32,520 --> 00:27:35,040
Speaker 1: your wife and as a human and your best friend

546
00:27:35,119 --> 00:27:38,240
Speaker 1: is somebody who cares for you, was seeing you literally

547
00:27:38,280 --> 00:27:40,960
Speaker 1: break like you kept saying to me like, Hey, I

548
00:27:40,960 --> 00:27:43,480
Speaker 1: feel like something broke is broken in me. That's what

549
00:27:43,520 --> 00:27:46,680
Speaker 1: I kept saying, like something broke, and you couldn't get

550
00:27:46,720 --> 00:27:50,080
Speaker 1: out of that rut for a bit um and that

551
00:27:50,119 --> 00:27:52,600
Speaker 1: broke me in a sense because I'm like, ship, this

552
00:27:52,680 --> 00:27:54,600
Speaker 1: is something that I don't even know if I can fix,

553
00:27:55,200 --> 00:27:56,920
Speaker 1: And it's just like, oh my god, do I try

554
00:27:56,960 --> 00:27:58,960
Speaker 1: to encourage him to go see a therapist? Like what

555
00:27:59,119 --> 00:28:01,399
Speaker 1: exactly would have helped you to get out of that moment?

556
00:28:01,480 --> 00:28:03,840
Speaker 1: I didn't know. So it left me feeling very helpless.

557
00:28:04,320 --> 00:28:05,960
Speaker 1: And it was a very emotional time for both of

558
00:28:06,040 --> 00:28:08,920
Speaker 1: us because coming off of the miscommunication that we had

559
00:28:09,520 --> 00:28:12,240
Speaker 1: when everything transpired, when I was away in Jamaican. You

560
00:28:12,280 --> 00:28:15,320
Speaker 1: were here filming, and then everything double down on that.

561
00:28:15,840 --> 00:28:17,600
Speaker 1: It was just a really, really tough space for me

562
00:28:17,640 --> 00:28:19,000
Speaker 1: to be in, and all I felt like I needed

563
00:28:19,040 --> 00:28:21,639
Speaker 1: to do was just be there. And I remember at

564
00:28:21,640 --> 00:28:23,640
Speaker 1: one point you were kind of breaking down. You're you're

565
00:28:23,840 --> 00:28:25,800
Speaker 1: very emotional. You were telling me about how you felt,

566
00:28:26,320 --> 00:28:28,159
Speaker 1: and all I could do in that moment was just

567
00:28:28,200 --> 00:28:31,320
Speaker 1: sit and listen. You know, I feel like we both

568
00:28:31,320 --> 00:28:34,520
Speaker 1: had that desire to want to fix what broken in

569
00:28:34,600 --> 00:28:37,719
Speaker 1: each other, and sometimes we just don't have the answer.

570
00:28:38,200 --> 00:28:39,960
Speaker 1: And I think in that moment it required me to

571
00:28:40,040 --> 00:28:42,680
Speaker 1: just listen to you. And after I kind of listened

572
00:28:42,680 --> 00:28:44,440
Speaker 1: to you and you kind of spoke slowly over the

573
00:28:44,440 --> 00:28:47,040
Speaker 1: course of maybe thirty minutes about how you felt, and

574
00:28:47,080 --> 00:28:49,000
Speaker 1: after that you were just like, man, I just I

575
00:28:49,040 --> 00:28:51,440
Speaker 1: feel so much better that you just listened. You didn't

576
00:28:51,440 --> 00:28:53,440
Speaker 1: try to intervene, you weren't trying to fix anything, but

577
00:28:53,600 --> 00:28:55,360
Speaker 1: you were able to offload some of the things that

578
00:28:55,400 --> 00:28:58,840
Speaker 1: you were thinking. Um And something that always kind of

579
00:28:58,880 --> 00:29:01,840
Speaker 1: rests in the back of my mind whenever I look

580
00:29:01,880 --> 00:29:03,720
Speaker 1: at you and I think about how much your brain

581
00:29:03,920 --> 00:29:07,880
Speaker 1: just works and never turns off, you know, Alzheimer's running

582
00:29:07,880 --> 00:29:12,160
Speaker 1: in your family. Yeah, you know different. Yeah, those that

583
00:29:12,280 --> 00:29:13,960
Speaker 1: runs in your family. And I know some certain things

584
00:29:13,960 --> 00:29:16,560
Speaker 1: are genetic, and we try to find ways to break

585
00:29:16,600 --> 00:29:19,040
Speaker 1: the cycle of those things by you know, knowing better

586
00:29:19,080 --> 00:29:21,840
Speaker 1: and doing better. So if it means changing your diet, exercising,

587
00:29:21,880 --> 00:29:24,640
Speaker 1: if it means you know, having those mental touch bases,

588
00:29:24,720 --> 00:29:29,360
Speaker 1: or having those offload moments, excuse me, having those offload moments,

589
00:29:30,000 --> 00:29:33,760
Speaker 1: it will then hopefully combat those things from happening, right,

590
00:29:34,240 --> 00:29:35,960
Speaker 1: And I don't want to, but I don't want to

591
00:29:36,000 --> 00:29:38,600
Speaker 1: glance over what you said, like having Alzheimer's running my family.

592
00:29:39,000 --> 00:29:43,200
Speaker 1: My grandmother went into early onset Alzheimer's in her sixties

593
00:29:43,480 --> 00:29:46,200
Speaker 1: and my uncle Charles talked to Uncle Charles, he went

594
00:29:46,240 --> 00:29:48,840
Speaker 1: into early on set all timers in his Alzheimer's in

595
00:29:48,920 --> 00:29:53,200
Speaker 1: his early fifties and it was stress induced Alzheimers and

596
00:29:53,280 --> 00:29:54,920
Speaker 1: ended up getting an m R in the cask and

597
00:29:54,920 --> 00:29:58,160
Speaker 1: he had lesions on his brain which was caused by stress. Stress,

598
00:29:58,560 --> 00:30:00,520
Speaker 1: and he was working multiple job. I'm trying to do

599
00:30:00,560 --> 00:30:03,440
Speaker 1: everything that a man is supposed to do for his family,

600
00:30:04,160 --> 00:30:08,280
Speaker 1: and a lot of that scared me because I was

601
00:30:08,320 --> 00:30:10,640
Speaker 1: just like man, I do work a lot, and I

602
00:30:10,720 --> 00:30:17,640
Speaker 1: often spend maybe three hours sleeping. And you know, a

603
00:30:17,640 --> 00:30:21,040
Speaker 1: lot of people make jokes about quality sleep. Yeah, quality sleep,

604
00:30:21,080 --> 00:30:23,920
Speaker 1: Like a lot of people make jokes about marijuana and

605
00:30:23,920 --> 00:30:26,239
Speaker 1: the becoming legal, and I gotta smoke. I gotta do this.

606
00:30:26,640 --> 00:30:31,240
Speaker 1: I'm gonna tell you this right now, guys. I don't

607
00:30:31,320 --> 00:30:33,960
Speaker 1: sleep well if I don't drink a glass of wine

608
00:30:35,120 --> 00:30:38,160
Speaker 1: or if I don't smoke a little bit. Right before

609
00:30:38,200 --> 00:30:41,640
Speaker 1: I go to bed, my brain is constantly thinking about

610
00:30:41,680 --> 00:30:45,040
Speaker 1: what has to happen next. I check my emails first

611
00:30:45,040 --> 00:30:47,520
Speaker 1: thing in the morning, last thing before I go to sleep.

612
00:30:47,560 --> 00:30:49,520
Speaker 1: I checked my bank account first thing in the morning,

613
00:30:49,920 --> 00:30:51,880
Speaker 1: last thing before I go to sleep. And that's just

614
00:30:51,920 --> 00:30:56,840
Speaker 1: my personality. I just I'm super controlling. But I'm also afraid,

615
00:30:57,400 --> 00:31:03,320
Speaker 1: you know, like I have an unhealth fear with losing everything.

616
00:31:03,920 --> 00:31:07,200
Speaker 1: And it's like PTSD from what happened to us in

617
00:31:07,240 --> 00:31:10,200
Speaker 1: two thousand and eight and two thousand and nine. We

618
00:31:10,320 --> 00:31:13,640
Speaker 1: literally did everything that they tell you you're supposed to

619
00:31:13,640 --> 00:31:16,400
Speaker 1: do when you're a professional athlete. I took my money,

620
00:31:16,480 --> 00:31:18,400
Speaker 1: I put it in the stock market. I took my money,

621
00:31:18,400 --> 00:31:21,120
Speaker 1: I invested in property. I didn't buy big fancy cars,

622
00:31:21,400 --> 00:31:23,840
Speaker 1: we didn't travel all the time, we didn't buy jewelry.

623
00:31:24,160 --> 00:31:27,360
Speaker 1: I did all of the things. Then the financial market

624
00:31:27,400 --> 00:31:30,000
Speaker 1: crashes and we run into the biggest recession since the

625
00:31:30,040 --> 00:31:33,480
Speaker 1: Great Depression, and we lose everything and have to start over.

626
00:31:34,240 --> 00:31:37,080
Speaker 1: My biggest fear is that having to have that happened

627
00:31:37,080 --> 00:31:39,360
Speaker 1: again and were having to do that again. So I

628
00:31:39,360 --> 00:31:41,760
Speaker 1: feel like I just I woke around with this anxiety.

629
00:31:41,880 --> 00:31:45,520
Speaker 1: It's like, is this the day that everything stops? Because

630
00:31:45,520 --> 00:31:49,680
Speaker 1: I remember that feeling I was. It was two thousand

631
00:31:49,680 --> 00:31:52,480
Speaker 1: and eight. I was on my way to camp and

632
00:31:52,520 --> 00:31:54,600
Speaker 1: I was driving your Here I am in the NFL.

633
00:31:54,760 --> 00:31:58,400
Speaker 1: I was driving Cadine's Accurate TSX. Still didn't buy a

634
00:31:58,400 --> 00:32:02,160
Speaker 1: fancy car. I was listening to um, Ain't it pretty?

635
00:32:02,440 --> 00:32:06,800
Speaker 1: Ain't it pretty? When she was you're pretty? And I

636
00:32:06,840 --> 00:32:09,240
Speaker 1: remember giving you a kiss when we left the home

637
00:32:09,320 --> 00:32:11,520
Speaker 1: that we had just purchased. We had just got engaged

638
00:32:11,840 --> 00:32:16,320
Speaker 1: and feeling like, man, everything is just perfect. Go into camp,

639
00:32:16,480 --> 00:32:19,400
Speaker 1: and then three weeks later, after having a great camp,

640
00:32:19,960 --> 00:32:25,000
Speaker 1: getting cut, and then after getting cut two days later,

641
00:32:26,040 --> 00:32:29,280
Speaker 1: turning on the TV and being the stock market fell

642
00:32:29,400 --> 00:32:32,960
Speaker 1: for consecutive days for the first time since nine and

643
00:32:33,000 --> 00:32:35,640
Speaker 1: then being on the phone and being like, Yo, what's

644
00:32:35,680 --> 00:32:37,680
Speaker 1: going on with my account? Like, and I remember it

645
00:32:37,760 --> 00:32:40,720
Speaker 1: like it was like everything's perfect, Everything's fine. If I

646
00:32:40,800 --> 00:32:42,720
Speaker 1: was gonna make the team he started, he's slated to

647
00:32:42,720 --> 00:32:45,840
Speaker 1: be the starting returner. It's like everything perfect to a

648
00:32:46,040 --> 00:32:50,040
Speaker 1: nightmare in weeks, like a matter of weeks, And that

649
00:32:50,120 --> 00:32:52,600
Speaker 1: pts D gives me so much anxiety, and I walk

650
00:32:52,680 --> 00:32:55,600
Speaker 1: around always trying to do stuff to make sure that

651
00:32:55,600 --> 00:32:58,680
Speaker 1: that doesn't happen. And I think that contributed to my burnout,

652
00:32:59,600 --> 00:33:02,800
Speaker 1: But I also realize how me being like that contributes

653
00:33:02,840 --> 00:33:06,600
Speaker 1: to everyone around me is burnout. Like sometimes I can

654
00:33:06,640 --> 00:33:09,640
Speaker 1: tell when I'm like, I'm like, okay, I'm overwhelming you, right.

655
00:33:09,880 --> 00:33:11,760
Speaker 1: I can look at Jackson and be like, wait a minute,

656
00:33:11,760 --> 00:33:14,360
Speaker 1: I think I'm overwhelming Jackson. I can look at the

657
00:33:14,440 --> 00:33:17,400
Speaker 1: podcast crew sometimes and be like, ah, ship, they be

658
00:33:17,440 --> 00:33:20,640
Speaker 1: wanting to cry too, because you always you're saying to me.

659
00:33:20,840 --> 00:33:22,560
Speaker 1: Sometimes you look at me and my eyes will just

660
00:33:22,600 --> 00:33:23,760
Speaker 1: well up and you'll be talking to me and you'd

661
00:33:23,760 --> 00:33:25,160
Speaker 1: be like, Yo, what did I say to make you cry?

662
00:33:25,160 --> 00:33:27,440
Speaker 1: And I'm like, I don't even know what. I just

663
00:33:27,440 --> 00:33:29,200
Speaker 1: feel like at this moment, like I'm not doing enough

664
00:33:29,200 --> 00:33:31,920
Speaker 1: like I should be doing something and it makes me emotional.

665
00:33:32,200 --> 00:33:34,120
Speaker 1: Same thing with Jackson, You're just like, yo, why is

666
00:33:34,160 --> 00:33:35,960
Speaker 1: it when I seek to people like they feel like

667
00:33:35,960 --> 00:33:37,800
Speaker 1: they want to cry? And it's like, I think it's

668
00:33:37,840 --> 00:33:40,200
Speaker 1: all I know Jackson, I share the same sentiment that

669
00:33:40,240 --> 00:33:42,719
Speaker 1: we don't want to disappoint you, you know, seeing as

670
00:33:42,720 --> 00:33:44,800
Speaker 1: though you're such a high achiever and you always are

671
00:33:44,880 --> 00:33:47,880
Speaker 1: expecting the best out of people. It's like ship, here

672
00:33:47,920 --> 00:33:49,760
Speaker 1: I am as my life partner, here he is as

673
00:33:49,800 --> 00:33:52,200
Speaker 1: your child, and we just don't want to let you down.

674
00:33:52,360 --> 00:33:53,800
Speaker 1: We don't want to disappointe. We don't want to be

675
00:33:53,800 --> 00:33:56,000
Speaker 1: the weak link. Nobody wants to be the weak like

676
00:33:56,360 --> 00:33:59,200
Speaker 1: the crew, nobody wants to be the weak link, you know. Um,

677
00:33:59,240 --> 00:34:02,120
Speaker 1: And it's it's it's a crazy juxtaposition because it's like,

678
00:34:02,640 --> 00:34:04,320
Speaker 1: you know, I am sharp and tiring, right, so you

679
00:34:04,400 --> 00:34:05,920
Speaker 1: want to be in your presence and you want to

680
00:34:05,960 --> 00:34:07,680
Speaker 1: work with someone like you because it's like, damn, this

681
00:34:07,720 --> 00:34:09,960
Speaker 1: person is gonna make me that much more motivated. This

682
00:34:09,960 --> 00:34:12,000
Speaker 1: this person is going to help me get to whatever

683
00:34:12,040 --> 00:34:14,000
Speaker 1: goal it is that I have set for myself. This

684
00:34:14,000 --> 00:34:16,479
Speaker 1: person is gonna show me a way to do something

685
00:34:16,520 --> 00:34:18,680
Speaker 1: that I really want to do right, You think about

686
00:34:18,680 --> 00:34:21,080
Speaker 1: even just Josh and Matt on the team and they

687
00:34:21,080 --> 00:34:23,239
Speaker 1: we're shooting weddings as as a as a photographer and

688
00:34:23,280 --> 00:34:25,480
Speaker 1: doing so well in that field, and then saying like, man,

689
00:34:25,680 --> 00:34:27,440
Speaker 1: I feel like this more to my talent, Like I

690
00:34:27,440 --> 00:34:29,839
Speaker 1: can do more. I can start doing video, we can

691
00:34:29,880 --> 00:34:32,000
Speaker 1: start editing, we can do a production company. And then

692
00:34:32,040 --> 00:34:35,800
Speaker 1: you found ways to be able to help everyone see

693
00:34:36,440 --> 00:34:38,960
Speaker 1: that much more potential in themselves and achieve those things.

694
00:34:39,320 --> 00:34:42,000
Speaker 1: But then it's also like damn, like there's never an

695
00:34:42,000 --> 00:34:46,200
Speaker 1: off button. But that's usually with most successful people. Yeah, Like,

696
00:34:46,200 --> 00:34:49,719
Speaker 1: like one thing I'm not gonna do is apologize for

697
00:34:50,680 --> 00:34:53,640
Speaker 1: seeing Like if there's a gift that I think that

698
00:34:53,719 --> 00:34:57,120
Speaker 1: God gave me, right, I don't think that my gift

699
00:34:57,360 --> 00:35:02,280
Speaker 1: is in in creating and gift is in being funny

700
00:35:02,520 --> 00:35:06,440
Speaker 1: or I feel like my gift is seeing other people's gifts.

701
00:35:06,560 --> 00:35:10,200
Speaker 1: For sure, every business that I've built, whether it was

702
00:35:10,320 --> 00:35:14,120
Speaker 1: from Elite Prototype Athletics to the Sports Performance Lab to

703
00:35:14,160 --> 00:35:17,080
Speaker 1: the mentorship program, I've always seen things and people and

704
00:35:17,120 --> 00:35:19,399
Speaker 1: be like, yo, you know, if you do things like this,

705
00:35:19,760 --> 00:35:23,960
Speaker 1: you could expand your business and your reach exponentially. Take Roger.

706
00:35:24,000 --> 00:35:28,040
Speaker 1: For example, Roger graduated from college, had no clue what

707
00:35:28,080 --> 00:35:30,000
Speaker 1: he wanted to do, and I was like college, like, Roger,

708
00:35:30,040 --> 00:35:31,759
Speaker 1: you're a great teacher. So, for those of you who

709
00:35:31,800 --> 00:35:34,400
Speaker 1: don't know, Roger worked with de Val as part of

710
00:35:34,440 --> 00:35:37,000
Speaker 1: the program. He was actually was one of my mentees.

711
00:35:37,040 --> 00:35:39,040
Speaker 1: He was MO mentees. He went to Madison like I did,

712
00:35:39,080 --> 00:35:41,200
Speaker 1: but he's way younger than me. He was about what

713
00:35:41,280 --> 00:35:43,840
Speaker 1: sixteen seventeen sixteen? He was in two thousand and nine.

714
00:35:43,920 --> 00:35:46,680
Speaker 1: Hours two thousand and seven, I had went back to

715
00:35:47,000 --> 00:35:50,400
Speaker 1: Madison and retired my jersey. He was a freshman. We

716
00:35:50,520 --> 00:35:52,960
Speaker 1: kept in touch at that time he left. He was

717
00:35:53,000 --> 00:35:55,840
Speaker 1: the leading Russian on the senior year of high school.

718
00:35:55,960 --> 00:35:58,080
Speaker 1: I was looking for college scholar tips. My brother and

719
00:35:58,120 --> 00:35:59,920
Speaker 1: I helped him get a college scholarship to see the

720
00:36:00,040 --> 00:36:03,279
Speaker 1: you post. He ended up earning his full scholarship, and

721
00:36:03,320 --> 00:36:07,200
Speaker 1: he became like like our little brother. Roger's biggest dream

722
00:36:07,200 --> 00:36:09,640
Speaker 1: was to go to the NFL. One thing I saw

723
00:36:09,640 --> 00:36:12,520
Speaker 1: in Roger was that he was so detailed oriented with

724
00:36:12,560 --> 00:36:14,319
Speaker 1: how he broke down the game. I was like, yo,

725
00:36:14,360 --> 00:36:16,440
Speaker 1: he would be a great coach. But then I was

726
00:36:16,480 --> 00:36:19,000
Speaker 1: thinking bigger, I'm like, forget this coach. He could be

727
00:36:19,040 --> 00:36:21,840
Speaker 1: a great teacher, like life teacher. Then he was he

728
00:36:21,960 --> 00:36:25,120
Speaker 1: um graduated from college, NFL didn't happen. He's like, I

729
00:36:25,239 --> 00:36:28,160
Speaker 1: don't know what to do next. I started the mentorship

730
00:36:28,160 --> 00:36:31,839
Speaker 1: program through Prototype, which was a partnership with the United Way,

731
00:36:31,960 --> 00:36:35,000
Speaker 1: where they gave me funds so that I could create

732
00:36:35,000 --> 00:36:38,560
Speaker 1: opportunities to put mentors, young black male mentors in public

733
00:36:38,600 --> 00:36:41,799
Speaker 1: schools in Brooklyn. So we started this whole initiative in

734
00:36:41,840 --> 00:36:44,960
Speaker 1: this program, and I took the kids that graduated from

735
00:36:45,000 --> 00:36:47,680
Speaker 1: college who didn't reached their dream of playing in the

736
00:36:47,800 --> 00:36:49,920
Speaker 1: NFL and NBA, and I said, here's an opportunity to

737
00:36:50,040 --> 00:36:52,479
Speaker 1: use what you've learned in college to mentor young people

738
00:36:52,480 --> 00:36:55,399
Speaker 1: who look like you. I said, you got two years

739
00:36:55,440 --> 00:36:57,799
Speaker 1: to figure out what you want to do next. In

740
00:36:57,840 --> 00:36:59,880
Speaker 1: those two years, we paid them make sure that they

741
00:36:59,880 --> 00:37:03,320
Speaker 1: had a smooth transition into the real world. I noticed

742
00:37:03,360 --> 00:37:05,640
Speaker 1: that Roger was really good with the kids, and he

743
00:37:05,640 --> 00:37:08,320
Speaker 1: could relate and he was good at educating. And I said, you,

744
00:37:08,400 --> 00:37:11,040
Speaker 1: why don't you just be a teacher. So then he

745
00:37:11,120 --> 00:37:13,960
Speaker 1: went back to school, got his master's degree, became a teacher,

746
00:37:14,320 --> 00:37:17,239
Speaker 1: passed these exams to get his license so that he

747
00:37:17,239 --> 00:37:18,840
Speaker 1: could be a teacher. So he became a teacher, and

748
00:37:18,840 --> 00:37:21,200
Speaker 1: then he started tutoring, and I was like, Roger, why

749
00:37:21,239 --> 00:37:23,480
Speaker 1: why would you just tootor one or two kids. Why

750
00:37:23,480 --> 00:37:25,400
Speaker 1: don't you build a program when you can to the

751
00:37:25,520 --> 00:37:28,000
Speaker 1: multiple kids. And I started talking to him about it,

752
00:37:28,040 --> 00:37:30,080
Speaker 1: and we built this whole program out and he took it.

753
00:37:30,719 --> 00:37:36,600
Speaker 1: And and now he's retired from teaching. He's I think

754
00:37:37,120 --> 00:37:41,239
Speaker 1: about to turn thirty or maybe thirty, and he has

755
00:37:41,520 --> 00:37:45,439
Speaker 1: uh business making a quarter million dollars that he runs

756
00:37:45,480 --> 00:37:49,920
Speaker 1: from his home. And it's like God blessed me with

757
00:37:49,960 --> 00:37:52,680
Speaker 1: the vision to see people's potential. I see when people

758
00:37:52,680 --> 00:37:54,160
Speaker 1: do stuff and I'm like, yo, do you know you

759
00:37:54,160 --> 00:37:57,640
Speaker 1: can do this? And I want that for myself as well,

760
00:37:57,920 --> 00:37:59,719
Speaker 1: So I can see the vision. And I got the

761
00:37:59,760 --> 00:38:01,600
Speaker 1: vision to see what God has placed in me. I

762
00:38:01,600 --> 00:38:03,440
Speaker 1: can see it in you. I tell you all the

763
00:38:03,440 --> 00:38:04,759
Speaker 1: time since how I met you. I was like, Yo,

764
00:38:04,800 --> 00:38:06,680
Speaker 1: I can see you can do so many different things.

765
00:38:07,200 --> 00:38:11,000
Speaker 1: And I feel like part of the issue is I

766
00:38:11,120 --> 00:38:15,120
Speaker 1: push people a lot, hoping that they can see what

767
00:38:15,280 --> 00:38:19,080
Speaker 1: I see. But I do realize how hard it is

768
00:38:19,120 --> 00:38:21,840
Speaker 1: to get to that level. And unless you have the

769
00:38:21,880 --> 00:38:26,360
Speaker 1: mental fortitude to withstand the type of work necessary. Most

770
00:38:26,360 --> 00:38:30,200
Speaker 1: people are gonna burn out. So in Roger's instance, you

771
00:38:30,239 --> 00:38:32,440
Speaker 1: showed him all of these things that he could potentially do,

772
00:38:32,480 --> 00:38:35,640
Speaker 1: but he ultimately had to execute You to do it,

773
00:38:35,680 --> 00:38:38,040
Speaker 1: you have to do it. So that's the conflict I

774
00:38:38,040 --> 00:38:40,080
Speaker 1: think for you sometimes is that you're just like, man,

775
00:38:40,480 --> 00:38:42,520
Speaker 1: this person can do even with me, You're like, you

776
00:38:42,560 --> 00:38:44,520
Speaker 1: can do all these things, but do you want to

777
00:38:44,560 --> 00:38:46,759
Speaker 1: do it? Is the question? You know, And that's when

778
00:38:46,760 --> 00:38:48,640
Speaker 1: sometimes I look at myself and I'm like, damn, I

779
00:38:48,719 --> 00:38:51,279
Speaker 1: really think that I'm letting Devout down because he thinks

780
00:38:51,320 --> 00:38:52,640
Speaker 1: that I can do all these things. I know I

781
00:38:52,680 --> 00:38:55,239
Speaker 1: can do all these things, but then I usually end

782
00:38:55,280 --> 00:38:57,520
Speaker 1: up self sabotage and or having another baby. And then

783
00:38:58,520 --> 00:39:02,839
Speaker 1: back to the baby part is that's that was an

784
00:39:02,840 --> 00:39:05,480
Speaker 1: agreement that we made together. We're gonna be having these babies.

785
00:39:05,520 --> 00:39:08,760
Speaker 1: But but yeah, it's um. It's just one of those

786
00:39:09,200 --> 00:39:11,640
Speaker 1: things where I feel like it's one of my duties

787
00:39:11,719 --> 00:39:13,919
Speaker 1: as your partner, as your wife, as your best friend,

788
00:39:14,000 --> 00:39:16,400
Speaker 1: who always do those touch bases. I said in my

789
00:39:16,480 --> 00:39:20,040
Speaker 1: sound by earlier, checking on your strong friends. That's always

790
00:39:20,080 --> 00:39:21,719
Speaker 1: you know, a model that you hear. Check on the

791
00:39:21,760 --> 00:39:23,520
Speaker 1: strong ones, check on the one, check on the ones

792
00:39:23,520 --> 00:39:26,000
Speaker 1: that are always smiling, check on the ones that always

793
00:39:26,000 --> 00:39:29,400
Speaker 1: make other people laugh. That you're literally the prime example

794
00:39:29,440 --> 00:39:32,440
Speaker 1: of that. But people don't see the downside of things

795
00:39:32,520 --> 00:39:35,920
Speaker 1: when you well, yeah, I see it, and I know it,

796
00:39:36,000 --> 00:39:37,239
Speaker 1: and I can feel it, and I don't know if

797
00:39:37,239 --> 00:39:41,320
Speaker 1: you've realized, but in the past maybe a couple of

798
00:39:41,320 --> 00:39:44,600
Speaker 1: weeks since we've had that fallout and then you know,

799
00:39:44,680 --> 00:39:47,680
Speaker 1: we had our downtime around my birthday. I literally will

800
00:39:47,719 --> 00:39:50,719
Speaker 1: be looking at you like are you okay? Like do

801
00:39:50,760 --> 00:39:53,000
Speaker 1: you need anything in this moment? How can I help

802
00:39:53,040 --> 00:39:55,879
Speaker 1: you in this moment? Just your your mental like how

803
00:39:56,000 --> 00:39:57,920
Speaker 1: was your mental? How is your spirit? Like? Those are

804
00:39:58,000 --> 00:40:00,239
Speaker 1: the questions that I now feel like I need to

805
00:40:00,280 --> 00:40:03,200
Speaker 1: ask because I used to rely so much on the

806
00:40:03,239 --> 00:40:05,200
Speaker 1: fact that the Val was always going to be all right,

807
00:40:05,800 --> 00:40:08,439
Speaker 1: The Val was gonna figure it out. In part, when

808
00:40:08,440 --> 00:40:10,319
Speaker 1: I was in Jamaica and you told me that that

809
00:40:10,360 --> 00:40:12,600
Speaker 1: whole episode happened, I was like, oh, but I think

810
00:40:12,600 --> 00:40:14,439
Speaker 1: that was gonna be all right because he's always all right.

811
00:40:14,840 --> 00:40:17,120
Speaker 1: And then I had to check myself and be like ship, like,

812
00:40:17,160 --> 00:40:18,880
Speaker 1: my husband is not always just going to be all

813
00:40:18,960 --> 00:40:23,040
Speaker 1: right because he historically is. I have to know and

814
00:40:23,080 --> 00:40:25,600
Speaker 1: I have to have the wherewithal to say, you know what,

815
00:40:26,480 --> 00:40:29,120
Speaker 1: he's not really okay? Or how am I going to

816
00:40:29,200 --> 00:40:32,560
Speaker 1: go the extra mount to make sure that he's okay? UM?

817
00:40:32,640 --> 00:40:34,279
Speaker 1: So when you told me at the top of the year,

818
00:40:34,320 --> 00:40:36,040
Speaker 1: we normally do it, it's been to kome a thing

819
00:40:36,080 --> 00:40:38,759
Speaker 1: now like what's your word for the year? Um? And

820
00:40:38,840 --> 00:40:43,120
Speaker 1: you assist so so and so, and I was like,

821
00:40:43,200 --> 00:40:48,359
Speaker 1: why why so so? Because from now on, if I

822
00:40:48,400 --> 00:40:50,640
Speaker 1: don't feel like doing something, I'm glad you asked that question,

823
00:40:50,640 --> 00:40:53,680
Speaker 1: because we're gonna talk about way to combat burnout if

824
00:40:53,719 --> 00:40:56,600
Speaker 1: I don't feel like doing something. In the past, I

825
00:40:56,640 --> 00:41:00,359
Speaker 1: had to convince myself of a good enough reason why

826
00:41:00,400 --> 00:41:02,319
Speaker 1: I didn't want to do it, and then I had

827
00:41:02,320 --> 00:41:05,440
Speaker 1: to be able to articulate to other people why I

828
00:41:05,440 --> 00:41:08,440
Speaker 1: couldn't in that time. Now I'm just gonna tell people

829
00:41:09,200 --> 00:41:11,399
Speaker 1: I don't want to do it, and they're gonna give

830
00:41:11,400 --> 00:41:13,040
Speaker 1: me reason why I should. And my answer is going

831
00:41:13,080 --> 00:41:17,280
Speaker 1: to be so like so, like, I just I don't.

832
00:41:17,520 --> 00:41:19,759
Speaker 1: I don't want to do it, and I don't care

833
00:41:20,400 --> 00:41:22,719
Speaker 1: what reasons you give me that I should do it

834
00:41:22,840 --> 00:41:24,720
Speaker 1: or how it could be beneficial to me. My answer

835
00:41:24,719 --> 00:41:27,080
Speaker 1: is just going to be so it's not beneficial for

836
00:41:27,120 --> 00:41:29,759
Speaker 1: me health wise, and it's not. And I think you

837
00:41:29,800 --> 00:41:32,160
Speaker 1: also need to control the access people have to you,

838
00:41:32,239 --> 00:41:34,200
Speaker 1: because you typically are always the ones to never put

839
00:41:34,239 --> 00:41:36,319
Speaker 1: your phone down, always want to answer. People are coming

840
00:41:36,360 --> 00:41:38,200
Speaker 1: to you because they know that you're good with brainstorming

841
00:41:38,200 --> 00:41:40,120
Speaker 1: and coming up with ideas and what about this, And

842
00:41:40,600 --> 00:41:42,920
Speaker 1: all of a sudden, everybody got business ideas and propositions

843
00:41:42,920 --> 00:41:45,200
Speaker 1: and proposals for you. And it's just like your accessibility,

844
00:41:45,320 --> 00:41:47,680
Speaker 1: I think, has to cut back. And it's crazy because

845
00:41:47,680 --> 00:41:49,799
Speaker 1: when you look at people who make it out of

846
00:41:49,840 --> 00:41:52,359
Speaker 1: their community or their environment, you wonder why they don't

847
00:41:52,360 --> 00:41:54,640
Speaker 1: come back as much or all this person changed because

848
00:41:54,680 --> 00:41:56,160
Speaker 1: I can't get in touch with them all the time.

849
00:41:56,200 --> 00:41:58,320
Speaker 1: And it's in part because you just have to protect

850
00:41:58,320 --> 00:42:01,880
Speaker 1: your your peace, protect your space. It's no ill feelings

851
00:42:01,880 --> 00:42:04,960
Speaker 1: towards anybody, but sometimes I just need to disconnect a

852
00:42:05,000 --> 00:42:07,480
Speaker 1: little bit or not be as accessible because I can't

853
00:42:07,600 --> 00:42:11,560
Speaker 1: keep putting things out, making these you know, people making

854
00:42:11,560 --> 00:42:16,839
Speaker 1: these with withdrawals and nobody making deposits. Alright, so real quick,

855
00:42:16,840 --> 00:42:18,960
Speaker 1: we're gonna go over a couple of ways to combat burnout.

856
00:42:18,960 --> 00:42:20,400
Speaker 1: And of course this is going to be dependent on

857
00:42:20,440 --> 00:42:23,000
Speaker 1: the person in the situation they're in. But sometimes you

858
00:42:23,040 --> 00:42:26,279
Speaker 1: need to say no. No, it's just no as an answer. No,

859
00:42:26,440 --> 00:42:29,600
Speaker 1: it's like no, it can be an answer, was a complete,

860
00:42:29,719 --> 00:42:36,359
Speaker 1: complete sentence, no exclamation point period. No, I don't want to. UM.

861
00:42:36,440 --> 00:42:38,799
Speaker 1: Take personal time to unwind and relax as often as

862
00:42:38,840 --> 00:42:41,040
Speaker 1: you can. Sometimes that's easier said than done. You can

863
00:42:41,040 --> 00:42:43,440
Speaker 1: do the physical relaxing, you can, you know, disconnect for

864
00:42:43,440 --> 00:42:46,400
Speaker 1: a bit, but tapping into people who may not know

865
00:42:46,440 --> 00:42:49,800
Speaker 1: how to mentally disconnect like you, that might require a

866
00:42:49,840 --> 00:42:54,400
Speaker 1: little bit more than just down or we're watching a

867
00:42:54,440 --> 00:42:57,600
Speaker 1: show or you know, so that I think you need

868
00:42:57,640 --> 00:43:00,120
Speaker 1: to be mindful if you are taking ways to she

869
00:43:00,239 --> 00:43:04,880
Speaker 1: mentally disconnect. That's why I started meditating. UM. I also

870
00:43:04,920 --> 00:43:08,239
Speaker 1: do the herbal meditations. You know, I can't go wrong

871
00:43:08,280 --> 00:43:11,279
Speaker 1: with some herbal meditation. Indeed, indeed, UM, I don't even

872
00:43:11,320 --> 00:43:14,000
Speaker 1: need all that. The drop of a dime obviously or

873
00:43:14,719 --> 00:43:16,840
Speaker 1: cocked me out. Clocked me out. Ain't thinking about it.

874
00:43:16,840 --> 00:43:18,200
Speaker 1: It's funny because at the end of the year, I

875
00:43:18,239 --> 00:43:20,239
Speaker 1: told Nora and the team that I was hibernating for

876
00:43:20,280 --> 00:43:22,400
Speaker 1: a while. They were just like, damn, we're kidding. We

877
00:43:22,440 --> 00:43:24,000
Speaker 1: haven't heard from her. I said, y'all keep contacting me,

878
00:43:24,040 --> 00:43:25,520
Speaker 1: and I told y'all, I'm clocked out. I don't know

879
00:43:25,560 --> 00:43:28,040
Speaker 1: why I'll keep hitting me. Give me some time, and

880
00:43:28,080 --> 00:43:31,040
Speaker 1: you have to demand it sometimes, UM seek support. So

881
00:43:31,120 --> 00:43:34,640
Speaker 1: if you have, you know, assistance in the process of

882
00:43:34,719 --> 00:43:38,480
Speaker 1: hiring an assistant, because this phone gives me anxiety. With

883
00:43:38,600 --> 00:43:42,000
Speaker 1: my phone lights up or things, I instantly get a headache.

884
00:43:42,080 --> 00:43:44,719
Speaker 1: Same and I'm like, what is wrong? What needs to

885
00:43:44,760 --> 00:43:48,880
Speaker 1: be fixed? Same? What has changed? What's gonna cost? What? Like?

886
00:43:49,320 --> 00:43:51,640
Speaker 1: How much is that? Like that assistant is en route

887
00:43:51,640 --> 00:43:53,880
Speaker 1: because I would love to offload certain things so that

888
00:43:53,880 --> 00:43:57,200
Speaker 1: things can be done more efficiently and focus on creating

889
00:43:57,239 --> 00:44:01,960
Speaker 1: a life work work life balance, which seems virtually impossible

890
00:44:02,000 --> 00:44:04,879
Speaker 1: when your life and work is kind of intertwined like us.

891
00:44:05,320 --> 00:44:08,520
Speaker 1: But we've been very deliberate about that. We've reinstituted date nights,

892
00:44:09,160 --> 00:44:10,880
Speaker 1: you know, our weekly date nights, so we can just

893
00:44:10,920 --> 00:44:13,919
Speaker 1: take time to really online and reconnect because we don't

894
00:44:13,920 --> 00:44:16,800
Speaker 1: do well if we're not. Yeah, we we nothing. Nothing

895
00:44:16,920 --> 00:44:19,160
Speaker 1: is in balance in our life, whether it's to work

896
00:44:19,719 --> 00:44:22,359
Speaker 1: or home. If we're not in balance. So we we

897
00:44:22,360 --> 00:44:24,879
Speaker 1: were very deliberate about you know what, let's go back

898
00:44:24,920 --> 00:44:28,000
Speaker 1: to the gym, right because what was happening with Hey

899
00:44:28,040 --> 00:44:31,959
Speaker 1: and I were the gym for us was wasn't even

900
00:44:32,040 --> 00:44:35,160
Speaker 1: like just a place to work out. It became a date.

901
00:44:35,719 --> 00:44:38,160
Speaker 1: You get dressed up, you you know, you get in

902
00:44:38,200 --> 00:44:40,080
Speaker 1: the car, you go to the gym, like it was

903
00:44:40,080 --> 00:44:42,319
Speaker 1: a thing. So having a gym in your house, it

904
00:44:42,360 --> 00:44:43,680
Speaker 1: was like, oh, I'm gonna work out when I get

905
00:44:43,680 --> 00:44:45,720
Speaker 1: a time. So we weren't even doing it together anymore.

906
00:44:46,000 --> 00:44:47,560
Speaker 1: She would work out on her time, I'm working on

907
00:44:47,600 --> 00:44:49,239
Speaker 1: my time, and once again we were missing each other

908
00:44:49,360 --> 00:44:51,120
Speaker 1: and then not sleeping. So you don't see the results

909
00:44:51,160 --> 00:44:53,239
Speaker 1: of working out. So that was a high miss or

910
00:44:53,280 --> 00:44:55,760
Speaker 1: not drinking your water. So now we made a decision

911
00:44:55,760 --> 00:44:58,160
Speaker 1: like we're gonna go to the gym together as a date.

912
00:44:58,200 --> 00:44:59,920
Speaker 1: We do that three times a week. I mean, it's

913
00:45:00,120 --> 00:45:01,799
Speaker 1: my ideal day because y'all know I still have that

914
00:45:01,840 --> 00:45:03,839
Speaker 1: love hate relationship with the gym. But the results are

915
00:45:03,840 --> 00:45:06,759
Speaker 1: coming in her knee. You've been working your ass off.

916
00:45:06,800 --> 00:45:13,279
Speaker 1: Well know, you've been working ass on and you have been.

917
00:45:13,640 --> 00:45:15,720
Speaker 1: I will say that, and I will say this gentleman

918
00:45:16,600 --> 00:45:19,920
Speaker 1: going to the gym with your partner, right, because I've

919
00:45:19,960 --> 00:45:22,239
Speaker 1: I've seen a lot of comments when we're at the gym,

920
00:45:22,280 --> 00:45:24,680
Speaker 1: and I see a lot of women saying, you see

921
00:45:24,719 --> 00:45:27,120
Speaker 1: he goes to the gym with her. I know a

922
00:45:27,200 --> 00:45:28,520
Speaker 1: lot of men feel like, well, I go to the

923
00:45:28,520 --> 00:45:31,440
Speaker 1: gym with my friends because that's my god time. Plus,

924
00:45:31,920 --> 00:45:33,239
Speaker 1: you don't want to go to the gym with your

925
00:45:33,239 --> 00:45:36,040
Speaker 1: girl and have to argue with her about what to do.

926
00:45:36,280 --> 00:45:38,320
Speaker 1: And I've become I was like that for a large

927
00:45:38,760 --> 00:45:40,960
Speaker 1: portion of our life, and now I don't fight you,

928
00:45:41,640 --> 00:45:44,000
Speaker 1: and I do want to say, two, ladies, if you

929
00:45:44,040 --> 00:45:46,960
Speaker 1: do want him to take you to the gym, you

930
00:45:47,080 --> 00:45:51,200
Speaker 1: also have to be receptive to what he's saying or

931
00:45:51,200 --> 00:45:53,080
Speaker 1: what he's doing if you wanted to be a together thing.

932
00:45:53,120 --> 00:45:55,680
Speaker 1: Plus I love watching my wife dead lift and squat

933
00:45:55,760 --> 00:45:58,560
Speaker 1: in tights. So it's like, as much as I like

934
00:45:58,680 --> 00:46:00,439
Speaker 1: being there with the guys, I don't want to see

935
00:46:00,520 --> 00:46:02,919
Speaker 1: Josh and Matt and Dave do that at the gym.

936
00:46:03,120 --> 00:46:05,439
Speaker 1: But you know, like that's not We can spend time

937
00:46:05,520 --> 00:46:08,279
Speaker 1: eating pizza and drinking beers on the couch, but if

938
00:46:08,280 --> 00:46:10,080
Speaker 1: I want to watch somebody squad I'm gonna take my

939
00:46:10,120 --> 00:46:12,440
Speaker 1: wife to the gym. Start speaking of that. Did you

940
00:46:12,480 --> 00:46:15,160
Speaker 1: see me on the rack yesterday? So I put the

941
00:46:15,200 --> 00:46:18,000
Speaker 1: weight on my back for the first time in two years.

942
00:46:18,000 --> 00:46:24,200
Speaker 1: I want to say, asked the grass babies six times?

943
00:46:24,200 --> 00:46:27,400
Speaker 1: I'm oh, my gosh, So I love that. All right,

944
00:46:27,440 --> 00:46:28,960
Speaker 1: let's take a quick break and we're gonna come back

945
00:46:28,960 --> 00:46:43,839
Speaker 1: into some quick listener letters. So stay right there, all right,

946
00:46:43,880 --> 00:46:46,920
Speaker 1: and we're back for the latter half of the show,

947
00:46:46,960 --> 00:46:50,239
Speaker 1: which is listening letters. So let's start right in. First off,

948
00:46:50,520 --> 00:46:53,359
Speaker 1: bless you and your family and podcast family Josh and

949
00:46:53,480 --> 00:46:57,680
Speaker 1: Triple On. Thank you. I'll keep it to the point.

950
00:46:57,719 --> 00:47:01,000
Speaker 1: I've been separated officially from my wife since April, but

951
00:47:01,160 --> 00:47:03,839
Speaker 1: in her head we've been separated for two years, but

952
00:47:04,040 --> 00:47:08,120
Speaker 1: yet we still lived together. I tried to make this

953
00:47:08,200 --> 00:47:10,640
Speaker 1: marriage thing works so hard, but the stress was affecting

954
00:47:10,640 --> 00:47:13,279
Speaker 1: my health, vision and work ethic. I told myself that

955
00:47:13,320 --> 00:47:16,400
Speaker 1: I needed a fresh start in so I decided that

956
00:47:16,440 --> 00:47:18,600
Speaker 1: I had to take her off my insurance and phone

957
00:47:18,600 --> 00:47:22,080
Speaker 1: bill and we start filing the process. We have a

958
00:47:22,080 --> 00:47:24,840
Speaker 1: son together that's eight, and he's my world, so co

959
00:47:25,000 --> 00:47:28,359
Speaker 1: parenting is a must. But besides that, I don't want

960
00:47:28,480 --> 00:47:31,760
Speaker 1: nothing in capital letters to do with his mother anymore.

961
00:47:31,960 --> 00:47:34,040
Speaker 1: If you guys only knew the amount of verbal abuse

962
00:47:34,080 --> 00:47:36,200
Speaker 1: I've taken from her over the last nine years, it

963
00:47:36,200 --> 00:47:39,400
Speaker 1: would blow your mind. So do I just give her

964
00:47:39,440 --> 00:47:41,160
Speaker 1: a thirty day notice before I cut her off? Or

965
00:47:41,200 --> 00:47:49,080
Speaker 1: just do it be responsible and give her two weeks

966
00:47:49,520 --> 00:47:52,440
Speaker 1: two weeks? Like any job, thirty days is a month.

967
00:47:52,920 --> 00:47:55,160
Speaker 1: Two weeks is more than enough. Times when you when

968
00:47:55,160 --> 00:47:57,799
Speaker 1: you're about to quit something, you give him a two weeks.

969
00:47:58,520 --> 00:48:02,080
Speaker 1: You've already decided that y'all were separated. She also just

970
00:48:02,120 --> 00:48:05,040
Speaker 1: said that y'all were separated for two years. Absolutely, so

971
00:48:05,280 --> 00:48:08,000
Speaker 1: you got two weeks. We were separated for two years.

972
00:48:08,000 --> 00:48:10,759
Speaker 1: We got two weeks to get a new insurance and

973
00:48:10,800 --> 00:48:12,880
Speaker 1: get a new phone. And when she asked you, but

974
00:48:12,920 --> 00:48:15,680
Speaker 1: how am I supposed to adopt the valsier word of

975
00:48:15,680 --> 00:48:20,040
Speaker 1: the year. So that's no longer your problems? But I

976
00:48:20,080 --> 00:48:23,600
Speaker 1: thought so, I don't care what you thought. Listen, y'all separated.

977
00:48:23,640 --> 00:48:27,400
Speaker 1: Y'all officially separated. You have no obligations to that woman.

978
00:48:27,560 --> 00:48:29,120
Speaker 1: And my hope and prayer for you is that you

979
00:48:29,160 --> 00:48:31,759
Speaker 1: will be able to co parent successfully because I know

980
00:48:31,800 --> 00:48:34,040
Speaker 1: you love your son and let's hope that she didn't

981
00:48:34,040 --> 00:48:36,120
Speaker 1: give you any verbal abuse or any hard ways to go.

982
00:48:36,200 --> 00:48:38,120
Speaker 1: I'm not gonna hope and pray that I'm going to

983
00:48:38,239 --> 00:48:40,520
Speaker 1: manifest that that's exactly what it's going to be, that

984
00:48:40,760 --> 00:48:43,759
Speaker 1: y'all will be fine co parenting. I don't gotta hope

985
00:48:43,760 --> 00:48:46,080
Speaker 1: and pray. Period. It only happens if you want it

986
00:48:46,120 --> 00:48:49,080
Speaker 1: to happen. Do you want to successfully co parent, then

987
00:48:49,120 --> 00:48:51,680
Speaker 1: it will happen. Since you're done for sure, and since

988
00:48:51,680 --> 00:48:53,319
Speaker 1: you're done done, and you've already made that up in

989
00:48:53,320 --> 00:48:56,360
Speaker 1: your mind and there's no reason for pettiness to transpire.

990
00:48:56,680 --> 00:48:58,640
Speaker 1: I can't speak on her behalf, and you know who

991
00:48:58,640 --> 00:49:00,920
Speaker 1: knows what that looks like on your end. Just to

992
00:49:01,000 --> 00:49:03,440
Speaker 1: keep things amicable for your son, try to make it

993
00:49:03,440 --> 00:49:07,680
Speaker 1: as smooth as possible. Two weeks notice check the deuces. Simple.

994
00:49:08,239 --> 00:49:11,360
Speaker 1: Good luck, bro, Good luck my guy number two high.

995
00:49:11,480 --> 00:49:13,800
Speaker 1: I need some advice because at this point I don't

996
00:49:13,800 --> 00:49:17,520
Speaker 1: know how I stay in this relationship. My fiance and

997
00:49:17,520 --> 00:49:20,719
Speaker 1: I have been together almost two years and have a

998
00:49:20,760 --> 00:49:23,880
Speaker 1: beautiful baby boy. I love him dearly, but for the

999
00:49:23,960 --> 00:49:27,160
Speaker 1: last couple of months we've only been having sex once

1000
00:49:27,160 --> 00:49:29,359
Speaker 1: a month. The sex is great, when we have it,

1001
00:49:29,520 --> 00:49:33,360
Speaker 1: but he can almost never get it up. I've tried

1002
00:49:33,400 --> 00:49:35,280
Speaker 1: to get him to go to the doctor. He won't

1003
00:49:35,280 --> 00:49:38,319
Speaker 1: make the time. We've tried vitamins and supplements over the counter,

1004
00:49:38,360 --> 00:49:41,359
Speaker 1: but it doesn't work. I'm attractive, so I don't think

1005
00:49:41,400 --> 00:49:43,680
Speaker 1: that's it. He tells me his parts just have a

1006
00:49:43,719 --> 00:49:45,880
Speaker 1: mind of its own. It's not fair how we can

1007
00:49:45,960 --> 00:49:49,040
Speaker 1: ask for an analogamous relationship won't have sex with me. Wow,

1008
00:49:49,200 --> 00:49:51,800
Speaker 1: he can ask for a night that we that's important.

1009
00:49:51,880 --> 00:49:54,440
Speaker 1: This is funny a woman is saying it. It's not

1010
00:49:54,600 --> 00:49:57,880
Speaker 1: fair how he can ask for a monogamous relationship but

1011
00:49:57,920 --> 00:50:00,239
Speaker 1: won't have sex with me. You know what's funny b that.

1012
00:50:00,239 --> 00:50:01,719
Speaker 1: You know how many women are gonna agree with that?

1013
00:50:01,920 --> 00:50:05,360
Speaker 1: But when I said it. When I said it, the

1014
00:50:06,520 --> 00:50:08,760
Speaker 1: drugged me through the way, trying to cancel me on Twitter.

1015
00:50:09,920 --> 00:50:11,960
Speaker 1: But I bet you hearing a woman saying, they're gonna

1016
00:50:11,960 --> 00:50:13,560
Speaker 1: be like, well, sense it's right because if you ain't

1017
00:50:13,640 --> 00:50:16,440
Speaker 1: dropping the deck, then now it goes both ways. But

1018
00:50:16,480 --> 00:50:18,839
Speaker 1: I agree with you, home girl, don't hey listen, hold

1019
00:50:18,840 --> 00:50:21,920
Speaker 1: that man accountable. He want to be he wanted to

1020
00:50:21,920 --> 00:50:24,800
Speaker 1: be monogamous. He's gonna say to you you can only

1021
00:50:24,840 --> 00:50:27,319
Speaker 1: be with me. You better tell that man, you better

1022
00:50:27,360 --> 00:50:31,239
Speaker 1: get that thing up and stand up your stand up

1023
00:50:31,280 --> 00:50:34,279
Speaker 1: for your woman. Shoe. Um. I feel like if the

1024
00:50:34,360 --> 00:50:36,560
Speaker 1: roles were reversed, his boys would tell him to leave

1025
00:50:36,560 --> 00:50:39,160
Speaker 1: me if I was the one not having sex with him.

1026
00:50:39,480 --> 00:50:42,480
Speaker 1: Probably yeah. But since I'm the female, I'm supposed to

1027
00:50:42,480 --> 00:50:45,440
Speaker 1: suck it up and wait. No, you're not you're not. No,

1028
00:50:46,160 --> 00:50:49,800
Speaker 1: you know I can't keep doing this. Please, no, listen,

1029
00:50:49,920 --> 00:50:51,880
Speaker 1: let me let me be clear and say this again.

1030
00:50:52,239 --> 00:50:55,360
Speaker 1: I'm probably going to get drugged through the mud again.

1031
00:50:55,800 --> 00:50:59,960
Speaker 1: All right, but this is a fact. If someone require

1032
00:51:00,120 --> 00:51:04,160
Speaker 1: is monogamy from you, man or a woman, and that's

1033
00:51:04,200 --> 00:51:07,080
Speaker 1: part of their deal, breaks like, no, we we can

1034
00:51:07,120 --> 00:51:09,919
Speaker 1: only be with each other. That person cannot withhold sex

1035
00:51:09,960 --> 00:51:15,239
Speaker 1: from you. That's unfair. That's unfair. No, you can't be

1036
00:51:15,280 --> 00:51:17,960
Speaker 1: with nobody else. No, you can only be with me.

1037
00:51:18,160 --> 00:51:19,560
Speaker 1: But you're only gonna have sex when I want to

1038
00:51:19,600 --> 00:51:22,279
Speaker 1: have sex, and I'm not ready right now, so you

1039
00:51:22,360 --> 00:51:25,560
Speaker 1: gotta wait. That's unfair. That's unfair. For a woman to

1040
00:51:25,600 --> 00:51:27,520
Speaker 1: do it to a man's unfair for a man to

1041
00:51:27,560 --> 00:51:30,880
Speaker 1: do it to a woman. It's just unfair. It's psychological

1042
00:51:30,920 --> 00:51:36,080
Speaker 1: warfare it is. But I will say this though, Like

1043
00:51:36,360 --> 00:51:41,200
Speaker 1: she said, they've been together for almost almost and they

1044
00:51:41,239 --> 00:51:43,800
Speaker 1: have a beautiful baby boy together, which means they started

1045
00:51:43,840 --> 00:51:47,000
Speaker 1: having sex and she immediately got pregnant. I want her,

1046
00:51:48,160 --> 00:51:50,239
Speaker 1: I want her to consider this. This may not be

1047
00:51:50,320 --> 00:51:52,160
Speaker 1: the issue. This may not be the issue, but there

1048
00:51:52,160 --> 00:51:56,719
Speaker 1: may be two issues. From being honest, sometimes men can't

1049
00:51:56,719 --> 00:51:59,319
Speaker 1: get it up because they've already gotten up for somebody else.

1050
00:51:59,680 --> 00:52:01,239
Speaker 1: I don't to put that out there because he's the

1051
00:52:01,239 --> 00:52:05,879
Speaker 1: one that required anogamy, but also Conina and I found

1052
00:52:05,920 --> 00:52:10,640
Speaker 1: this out too. I've never had a problem getting it up. Ever,

1053
00:52:11,320 --> 00:52:14,000
Speaker 1: I've always gotten even what stage of life I was in.

1054
00:52:14,280 --> 00:52:15,600
Speaker 1: I want to say, it didn't matter what stage of

1055
00:52:15,640 --> 00:52:18,120
Speaker 1: life she was in when she was pregnant, right after pregnancy,

1056
00:52:18,160 --> 00:52:20,239
Speaker 1: when she was a hundred and eighties something pounds, I

1057
00:52:20,239 --> 00:52:24,000
Speaker 1: always got it up. But recently Conine has gotten in

1058
00:52:24,000 --> 00:52:26,919
Speaker 1: the best shape of her life. I'm getting there, You're

1059
00:52:26,920 --> 00:52:29,759
Speaker 1: you're getting you're getting there, and my get up has

1060
00:52:29,800 --> 00:52:31,799
Speaker 1: been on a different level of get up and could

1061
00:52:31,840 --> 00:52:36,160
Speaker 1: they be like, bro, what is happening? Stand up? Recently

1062
00:52:36,200 --> 00:52:37,960
Speaker 1: she was putting the fence up and she hasn't really

1063
00:52:37,960 --> 00:52:41,279
Speaker 1: been putting the fence up since like what college. Then

1064
00:52:41,320 --> 00:52:44,080
Speaker 1: she'd be like, bro, like like yo, what's happening, And

1065
00:52:44,120 --> 00:52:49,399
Speaker 1: I'm gonna be honest. How your woman looks definitely has

1066
00:52:49,440 --> 00:52:51,759
Speaker 1: a difference on how your erection comes up. It is

1067
00:52:51,760 --> 00:52:54,120
Speaker 1: the truth, and we all know how it is having

1068
00:52:54,120 --> 00:52:59,080
Speaker 1: a baby after baby. They said that some men. I

1069
00:52:59,080 --> 00:53:02,279
Speaker 1: don't know you particularly, but some men have said it's

1070
00:53:02,400 --> 00:53:05,480
Speaker 1: different when this was my girlfriend or just my wife.

1071
00:53:06,440 --> 00:53:08,400
Speaker 1: We were having sex before, but then now she's like

1072
00:53:08,480 --> 00:53:11,160
Speaker 1: the mother of my child. Like sometimes they look at

1073
00:53:11,200 --> 00:53:14,279
Speaker 1: the woman differently and it's like, damn, I can't freak

1074
00:53:14,320 --> 00:53:16,000
Speaker 1: off with her to where we used to because like

1075
00:53:16,040 --> 00:53:18,080
Speaker 1: this is my son's mom. Like that's true, you know

1076
00:53:18,120 --> 00:53:20,960
Speaker 1: what I mean. Maybe that's a part of it. I

1077
00:53:20,960 --> 00:53:23,200
Speaker 1: don't know if that's an anomaly, but I remember in

1078
00:53:23,280 --> 00:53:26,239
Speaker 1: my friends groups we were talking about that, right um,

1079
00:53:26,320 --> 00:53:28,439
Speaker 1: most of the time. It changed after the second because

1080
00:53:28,440 --> 00:53:31,439
Speaker 1: it's like this, like I really want to just freak off.

1081
00:53:31,520 --> 00:53:33,959
Speaker 1: But after the first child, a lot of my friends

1082
00:53:34,000 --> 00:53:35,560
Speaker 1: were just like she's like she had my baby, Like

1083
00:53:36,640 --> 00:53:38,319
Speaker 1: I can't ask her to do the same things that

1084
00:53:38,360 --> 00:53:40,440
Speaker 1: we used to do. Like I just I see her

1085
00:53:40,440 --> 00:53:42,279
Speaker 1: differently and I was like, all right, give it time,

1086
00:53:42,280 --> 00:53:46,640
Speaker 1: it's gonna come back. Like it also comes back when

1087
00:53:46,680 --> 00:53:49,760
Speaker 1: you don't see her in the nurturing way. I remember

1088
00:53:49,760 --> 00:53:51,880
Speaker 1: when Cadine first had Jackson. I saw her as a

1089
00:53:51,960 --> 00:53:53,920
Speaker 1: nurtural and she was a breastfeeding and she was doing

1090
00:53:53,920 --> 00:53:55,440
Speaker 1: it and it was like, oh, like that was sweet.

1091
00:53:55,719 --> 00:53:58,319
Speaker 1: Then Condine started working out again, started wearing tight clothes again,

1092
00:53:58,320 --> 00:54:00,560
Speaker 1: started wearing short stuff again, and she was all perky

1093
00:54:00,600 --> 00:54:02,480
Speaker 1: and I was like, oh, there should go. That's the

1094
00:54:02,480 --> 00:54:04,440
Speaker 1: one I want to freak off with. So there is

1095
00:54:04,440 --> 00:54:07,040
Speaker 1: a difference when you're looking at the mother of your

1096
00:54:07,120 --> 00:54:09,880
Speaker 1: children and then we're looking at your girlfriend, you know

1097
00:54:09,920 --> 00:54:12,080
Speaker 1: what I'm saying. So there could be a couple of things.

1098
00:54:12,080 --> 00:54:13,880
Speaker 1: If he didn't have no issues getting it up before,

1099
00:54:14,760 --> 00:54:17,840
Speaker 1: and he wants monogamy, I doubt that he's cheating because

1100
00:54:18,400 --> 00:54:20,040
Speaker 1: if he wasn't cheating, he wouldn't need be the one

1101
00:54:20,080 --> 00:54:21,960
Speaker 1: pushing monogamy, you know what I'm saying. He would be

1102
00:54:22,000 --> 00:54:23,920
Speaker 1: like like, no, you do your thing, like you know

1103
00:54:23,920 --> 00:54:26,520
Speaker 1: what I'm saying, unless he's just a selfish dude. But

1104
00:54:26,560 --> 00:54:28,960
Speaker 1: here's my thing. Why would a selfish dude push monogamy

1105
00:54:29,000 --> 00:54:30,799
Speaker 1: on someone that they don't want to have sex with,

1106
00:54:31,160 --> 00:54:33,680
Speaker 1: So that to me doesn't make sense. Exactly, it would

1107
00:54:33,680 --> 00:54:35,960
Speaker 1: be interesting. I think you should spark this conversation with

1108
00:54:36,040 --> 00:54:39,040
Speaker 1: him since exactly it might be maybe he'll open up

1109
00:54:39,080 --> 00:54:40,839
Speaker 1: and say what it is. Could be a mental thing.

1110
00:54:40,840 --> 00:54:43,600
Speaker 1: Ilse had another friend who had to take He wasn't

1111
00:54:43,600 --> 00:54:45,400
Speaker 1: even old, he was relatively young, but he had to

1112
00:54:45,400 --> 00:54:47,719
Speaker 1: take pills have sex with his wife because he said

1113
00:54:47,719 --> 00:54:51,200
Speaker 1: his wife was annoying his fuck and she just was

1114
00:54:51,280 --> 00:54:53,759
Speaker 1: not attractive to him anymore in that way because she

1115
00:54:53,840 --> 00:54:57,360
Speaker 1: just talked her way out of stiff dick. That's what

1116
00:54:57,440 --> 00:54:59,000
Speaker 1: he said. He's like, she would just talk away of

1117
00:54:59,000 --> 00:55:01,200
Speaker 1: stiff dick, Like he would be trying to do stuff

1118
00:55:01,200 --> 00:55:03,080
Speaker 1: in and she would be she would just be talking

1119
00:55:03,120 --> 00:55:06,000
Speaker 1: about stuff like the bills, the kids, why you ain't

1120
00:55:06,000 --> 00:55:07,319
Speaker 1: do this, and now you want to have sex and

1121
00:55:07,360 --> 00:55:08,799
Speaker 1: now this and then but this didn't get done, and

1122
00:55:08,800 --> 00:55:10,960
Speaker 1: he'd just be like, like, I just like I don't

1123
00:55:10,960 --> 00:55:12,320
Speaker 1: want to do this no more. He's like, she just

1124
00:55:12,320 --> 00:55:15,720
Speaker 1: wouldn't stop talking. So there could be a lot of things,

1125
00:55:16,160 --> 00:55:20,000
Speaker 1: you know, definitely worth having the conversations. Last one check

1126
00:55:20,080 --> 00:55:22,319
Speaker 1: his health. Has he been working out is he in

1127
00:55:23,040 --> 00:55:26,280
Speaker 1: the best shape because erections also come with blood flow,

1128
00:55:26,360 --> 00:55:28,000
Speaker 1: and if you've been eating and out of shape and

1129
00:55:28,000 --> 00:55:30,960
Speaker 1: you're letting yourself go as a man, sometimes your body

1130
00:55:31,000 --> 00:55:32,799
Speaker 1: doesn't respond. So there's a lot of things he can

1131
00:55:32,800 --> 00:55:35,239
Speaker 1: look into, so many things. It's good luck to your girl.

1132
00:55:35,400 --> 00:55:37,640
Speaker 1: Hope it works out for you and the fiance, especially

1133
00:55:37,680 --> 00:55:39,520
Speaker 1: before you're tied to night, because I don't think that

1134
00:55:39,520 --> 00:55:41,680
Speaker 1: that marriage is gonna fix nothing, because it won't. Don't

1135
00:55:41,560 --> 00:55:44,360
Speaker 1: be sure as hell won't. All right, y'all keep writing

1136
00:55:44,360 --> 00:55:46,839
Speaker 1: into us and this new year, we love, love, love

1137
00:55:46,880 --> 00:55:48,840
Speaker 1: to hear from y'all. And one of my favorite episodes

1138
00:55:48,920 --> 00:55:51,359
Speaker 1: is always the listener letter episode where we back pull

1139
00:55:51,400 --> 00:55:52,880
Speaker 1: a bunch of stories from y'all and we give our

1140
00:55:52,920 --> 00:55:54,840
Speaker 1: little two cents. Okay, so if you want to be

1141
00:55:54,920 --> 00:55:56,680
Speaker 1: featured as one of our listening letters, be shut to

1142
00:55:56,760 --> 00:56:00,279
Speaker 1: email us at dead as Advice at gmail dot com.

1143
00:56:00,840 --> 00:56:03,000
Speaker 1: D E A D A S S A d V

1144
00:56:03,160 --> 00:56:06,239
Speaker 1: I C E at gmail dot com. Almost clipped you

1145
00:56:06,280 --> 00:56:09,040
Speaker 1: on the spelling there this year. You ain't been letting

1146
00:56:09,040 --> 00:56:11,480
Speaker 1: me get the spelling out. My bad, my bad, All

1147
00:56:11,600 --> 00:56:14,480
Speaker 1: right now, moment of truth, we're talking burnout. What that

1148
00:56:14,560 --> 00:56:18,080
Speaker 1: looks like how you can be burnt out physically, mentally, emotionally, spiritually,

1149
00:56:18,120 --> 00:56:21,000
Speaker 1: all of the leads, baby, So what you guys. As

1150
00:56:21,040 --> 00:56:23,839
Speaker 1: a final word for the folks out there today, this

1151
00:56:23,920 --> 00:56:26,879
Speaker 1: is my moment of truth for burnout. Most people who

1152
00:56:26,920 --> 00:56:29,879
Speaker 1: are burnt out don't realize that they're getting burnt out.

1153
00:56:30,800 --> 00:56:34,399
Speaker 1: And if you are the loved one of someone who

1154
00:56:34,480 --> 00:56:38,640
Speaker 1: you know has a tendency to get burnt out, do

1155
00:56:38,760 --> 00:56:41,600
Speaker 1: them a favor and stop them and save them from themselves.

1156
00:56:41,640 --> 00:56:43,960
Speaker 1: Like Codeine has done a good job of saying to me,

1157
00:56:44,000 --> 00:56:46,160
Speaker 1: like you're devout, enough is enough? You really have to

1158
00:56:46,200 --> 00:56:49,319
Speaker 1: slow down. And if it weren't for her my mom

1159
00:56:49,400 --> 00:56:52,520
Speaker 1: who calls um the Nora who also checks in on me,

1160
00:56:53,520 --> 00:56:56,400
Speaker 1: I probably would have been burnt out way sooner. But

1161
00:56:56,520 --> 00:56:59,520
Speaker 1: you guys tend to reel me back in and say chill,

1162
00:57:00,040 --> 00:57:01,719
Speaker 1: that can get done in a later time. So check

1163
00:57:01,760 --> 00:57:03,680
Speaker 1: on your strong friends. Yeah, that was actually going to

1164
00:57:03,760 --> 00:57:06,560
Speaker 1: be my moment of truth, so piggyback on that. Sometimes

1165
00:57:06,560 --> 00:57:09,720
Speaker 1: it requires not just you being the one to say hey, friend,

1166
00:57:09,920 --> 00:57:13,120
Speaker 1: hey spouse, hey you know whoever, Hey coworker, I can

1167
00:57:13,160 --> 00:57:15,879
Speaker 1: see your burnt out. Sometimes it requires you to then

1168
00:57:15,920 --> 00:57:19,360
Speaker 1: tap into those support people around, so so the village

1169
00:57:19,400 --> 00:57:22,680
Speaker 1: around that person to say, hey, just check on Devout.

1170
00:57:22,760 --> 00:57:24,959
Speaker 1: So unbeknownst to you, there were a couple of people

1171
00:57:24,960 --> 00:57:27,560
Speaker 1: who have spoken to who are close to you or

1172
00:57:27,600 --> 00:57:31,040
Speaker 1: whose opinion that I know you value, which are very

1173
00:57:31,080 --> 00:57:34,240
Speaker 1: far and feeling between that, I said, hey, check on

1174
00:57:34,320 --> 00:57:38,040
Speaker 1: your boy, check on yourself, check on your brother, like

1175
00:57:38,160 --> 00:57:40,919
Speaker 1: just to make sure that you have people who are

1176
00:57:41,000 --> 00:57:44,960
Speaker 1: not aware that you have burnout happening, or that you

1177
00:57:45,040 --> 00:57:46,760
Speaker 1: may be in a bad mental space, because a lot

1178
00:57:46,760 --> 00:57:48,720
Speaker 1: of times people aren't even privy to that because why

1179
00:57:49,080 --> 00:57:53,160
Speaker 1: you are presenting as that person that's always okay. You're

1180
00:57:53,200 --> 00:57:55,480
Speaker 1: presenting as that person who's always in a good mood

1181
00:57:55,520 --> 00:57:58,400
Speaker 1: and always making people laugh. So people don't even know

1182
00:57:59,280 --> 00:58:03,080
Speaker 1: sometimes that things are happening within unless they're privy to

1183
00:58:03,160 --> 00:58:06,280
Speaker 1: it because of how you're presenting. So it then required me,

1184
00:58:06,400 --> 00:58:08,440
Speaker 1: as your wife to then say to a couple of

1185
00:58:08,480 --> 00:58:11,600
Speaker 1: different people, hey, just so you're aware, this is what's

1186
00:58:11,600 --> 00:58:14,000
Speaker 1: going on with Devout, very loosely not telling your business,

1187
00:58:14,040 --> 00:58:17,640
Speaker 1: but just saying now, I wasn't telling your business. I

1188
00:58:17,680 --> 00:58:20,920
Speaker 1: wasn't nothing in detail, but it's just like, hey, he

1189
00:58:21,040 --> 00:58:24,240
Speaker 1: just may need some time, you know. Um, so be

1190
00:58:24,040 --> 00:58:26,160
Speaker 1: be that village for the person who may need the

1191
00:58:26,560 --> 00:58:29,000
Speaker 1: support during that burnout period. And if you are the

1192
00:58:29,040 --> 00:58:36,800
Speaker 1: burnt out person, you gotta find ways to ways. Yeah,

1193
00:58:36,840 --> 00:58:43,480
Speaker 1: but so okay, that's it, alright, y'all. Be sure to

1194
00:58:43,520 --> 00:58:46,200
Speaker 1: find us on social media. The podcast page is dead

1195
00:58:46,240 --> 00:58:48,560
Speaker 1: as the Podcast on Instagram, and you can find me

1196
00:58:48,640 --> 00:58:52,720
Speaker 1: Cadine i Am on Instagram and the TikTok now and

1197
00:58:52,760 --> 00:58:55,320
Speaker 1: you can follow me at i am devote. And if

1198
00:58:55,320 --> 00:58:58,200
Speaker 1: you're listening on Apple Podcasts, be sure to rate, review

1199
00:58:58,320 --> 00:59:00,560
Speaker 1: and subscribe. And if you want to check out all

1200
00:59:00,640 --> 00:59:03,520
Speaker 1: of the video content of the podcast, including the after show,

1201
00:59:03,960 --> 00:59:09,280
Speaker 1: go to Patreon. Dead Ass. Dead Ass is a production

1202
00:59:09,320 --> 00:59:11,920
Speaker 1: of I Heart Media podcast Network and is produced by

1203
00:59:11,960 --> 00:59:15,920
Speaker 1: Dinorapinia and Triple Follow the podcast on social media at

1204
00:59:15,960 --> 00:59:18,080
Speaker 1: dead as the Podcasts and never miss a Thing