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Speaker 1: It's the radio segment that's getting into the breakfast game

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Speaker 1: with something called the cereal burrito.

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Speaker 2: Talk to me, I'm not against it.

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Speaker 1: Imagine one bite and a bunch of lucky charms and

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Speaker 1: milk come justing out all over your out. The milk

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Speaker 1: in a sack.

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Speaker 2: Yeah. Yeah, it's like a gusher, but in a britot.

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Speaker 1: That means you're doing breakfast, right. Don't forget to heat

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Speaker 1: it up first. With laser stories, looks like sour cream

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Speaker 1: coming out of a burrito. The segment where we read

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Speaker 1: weird news stories around the globe, just like everyone else does,

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Speaker 1: except we've got a laser. Those are the frosted fakes.

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Speaker 1: Just don't first laser stories. Out of Miami, a thirty

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Speaker 1: seven year old woman named Lindsay Josephsburg ordered a lift

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Speaker 1: to pick her up at a family Dollar last week.

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Speaker 1: When the driver arrived, she asked him to help her

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Speaker 1: load her bags into the back.

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Speaker 2: Okay, this all seems fine.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, Well, while he was doing that, Lindsay went up front,

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Speaker 1: got in the driver's seat, and took off. Yeah.

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Speaker 2: I don't know if she realizes there's a lot of

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Speaker 2: tracking on those cars. That's why you can see it

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Speaker 2: coming to you exactly.

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Speaker 1: She did not get very far because the driver still

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Speaker 1: had his iPhone inside the vehicle, which he'd been using

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Speaker 1: for navigation, so authorities were easily able to track it

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Speaker 1: down using its built in Find my iPhone app. They

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Speaker 1: must have been so paranoid, like, how did they know? So?

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Speaker 1: Where was she? Maybe at the casino or a Walmart? Huh? Nope,

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Speaker 1: Lindsay had apparently just driven herself home, and when the

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Speaker 1: police arrived, she admitted to everything.

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Speaker 2: How she explained to her family, like, look what I

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Speaker 2: got at the Family Dollar today.

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Speaker 1: But that's not all. The police also found a pink

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Speaker 1: glass pipe with drug residue inside her purse, along with

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Speaker 1: some illegal pills.

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Speaker 2: Oh it's pink though, Yeah, I'm a princess.

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Speaker 1: He's response to that, Well, of course that was the

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Speaker 1: driver's stuff. Couldn't be hers. It just fell into her

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Speaker 1: purse while she was driving home. Mine's purple.

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Speaker 2: I hate that.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, it happens too many ride shares.

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Speaker 2: Darn it.

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Speaker 1: That's your laser story. Let's go to your next one.

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Speaker 1: Out of Beaumont, Texas, almost like Miami, forty year old

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Speaker 1: Carrie Altz walked into her local supermarket store got a

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Speaker 1: basket and boldly grabbed two bags of Hershey's chocolates and

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Speaker 1: then a box of feminine hygiene products and tried to

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Speaker 1: brazenly walk out. Nobody got tamping.

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Speaker 2: I mean, I've been there every month, so I get you.

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Speaker 1: They go together for sure, That's why a lost prevention

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Speaker 1: officer tried to stop her. Carrie was not in the mood,

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Speaker 1: so she pushed the guy outside the store, then grabbed

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Speaker 1: his left nipple and twisted hard purple. Wow, ladies, been there?

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Speaker 1: How do you?

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Speaker 2: I mean, some people are really good at finding it

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Speaker 2: my self defense list.

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Speaker 1: Well, that's right. She gave the security guard a purple nurple,

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Speaker 1: then jumped back into her black Lexus and sped away.

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Speaker 2: Wow, dude, that's like.

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Speaker 1: A military and that's like some kind of MMA move.

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Speaker 1: It hurts. Oh. Cops easily caught up to her down

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Speaker 1: the road, though. She was pulled over and arrested. And

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Speaker 1: this was her third theft offense.

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Speaker 2: Oh, I thought you were gonna say it was their

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Speaker 2: third purple nurple, just.

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Speaker 1: Her third theft, But because of injuring the officer with

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Speaker 1: the purple nurple, her charges got upgraded to robbery.

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Speaker 2: I guarantee this woman has brothers. Yeah, there's no way

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Speaker 2: that's her south defense without that being.

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Speaker 1: Well, she's gonna have to see her brothers through a

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Speaker 1: glass wall now because she faces twenty years in state

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Speaker 1: prison and to find of up to ten thousand dollars

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Speaker 1: all because of the grocery she stole, which totaled sixteen

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Speaker 1: dollars and twenty one cents along with the NURP that

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Speaker 1: gets this purple prison tag. Yeah yeah, I'm gonna start

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Speaker 1: putting on metal pasties under the metal they already have. Taae,

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Speaker 1: let's go to your next laser story out of the

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Speaker 1: friendly skies. The airline industry is loving the new ozempic craze,

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Speaker 1: and it's all because how the weight loss drugs are

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Speaker 1: saving them literally millions of dollars. Can I just say,

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Speaker 1: for the first time ever, somebody accused me of using

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Speaker 1: ozempic the other day. I told them.

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Speaker 2: They were like, yeah, you are, You're dignatic.

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Speaker 1: I'm like, oh, I'm just losing a lot of weight.

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Speaker 1: They were like, I don't believe you, and I was like,

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Speaker 1: thank you. This is the best fight I've ever been in,

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Speaker 1: but I'm losing it. Well. A new analysis says that

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Speaker 1: if GLP one weight loss drugs continue to be as

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Speaker 1: popular as they are now, American Delta Southwestern United could

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Speaker 1: together save up to five hundred and eighty million dollars

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Speaker 1: a year transporting fatties on their fuel.

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Speaker 2: Tack Is that their actual statement.

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Speaker 1: They're going right for it.

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Speaker 2: Sorry, but no more seat all extendards for anyone. Apparently

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Speaker 2: we're not.

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Speaker 1: Gonna need it. It's it's not meant to shame anyone.

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Speaker 2: It's not.

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Speaker 1: It's just simple science and physics. Lighter passengers means lighter planes,

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Speaker 1: and lighter planes burn less fuel.

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Speaker 2: So sure that means that the price of tickets will

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Speaker 2: go down, right, because they're saving so.

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Speaker 1: Much, they don't want to raise the profit. Well Brook,

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Speaker 1: before you get there. There's a downside to there is that,

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Speaker 1: let's say sixty percent of the passengers are on appetite

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Speaker 1: suppressing drugs. That means they're also going to be less

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Speaker 1: inclined to buy in flight snacks, which will severely chip

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Speaker 1: away at their onboard sales revenue. At a start, the

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Speaker 1: cheap Delta makes one hundred million a year off of

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Speaker 1: sun Chips I swear. Still, experts say the savings on

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Speaker 1: fuel alone would be greater, and in the past, airlines

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Speaker 1: have implemented all sorts of unique methods to reduce weight before,

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Speaker 1: like United switch to a lighter paper stock for its

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Speaker 1: in flight magazine that was and American Airlines removed a

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Speaker 1: single olive from each on board salad, saving the airline

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Speaker 1: tens of thousands of dollars a year. And the Martinis.

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Speaker 1: It was from the Martinis and the South.

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Speaker 2: I want another.

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Speaker 1: There's gonna wave a plane down Brook.

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Speaker 2: I'm just gonna go on board with olives in my mouth.

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Speaker 1: Also, let's go to your final laser story. Out of

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Speaker 1: Icon Islands. Nine new emojis are set to hit phones

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Speaker 1: and keyboards in the next year. I always love these,

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Speaker 1: but before we roll them out, there's already been some

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Speaker 1: backtracking with at least one of them. Face with squinting

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Speaker 1: eyes was on the list, but it might get knocked

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Speaker 1: out by a cracking face emoji that looks like shattered glass.

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Speaker 1: Oh you're cracking me up.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, that's way better. Yeah, the first one is gonna

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Speaker 2: cause all sorts of issues.

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Speaker 1: You say squinty face, I immediately was like, wait.

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Speaker 2: A minute, that doesn't feel good.

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Speaker 1: Screeching eyes is supposed to mean something is small and

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Speaker 1: you can't really see it. Yeah, it won't be.

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Speaker 2: Used as it's old people on this Yeah. Still, so

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Speaker 2: maybe that's why they thought.

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Speaker 1: The cracking face emoji is supposed to mean that you're

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Speaker 1: damaged physically or emotional, but you need it through somehow

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Speaker 1: and you're gonna be Okay, it's not cracking up like

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Speaker 1: I thought. But the other eight emojis sound like those

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Speaker 1: are pretty locked in their left thumb, right thumb, monarchy.

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Speaker 2: Like thumbs up. There's already thumbs up, just.

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Speaker 1: The thumb, but the some of the others Monarch, butterfly, butterfly, net, lighthouse, eraser, pickle,

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Speaker 1: and one that looks like an asteroid. Oh I thought

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Speaker 1: so too. This is a much sexier looking papa. It's

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Speaker 1: not the water coming off of it and the asteroids

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Speaker 1: exploding even bigger. Oh got it? Okay, we need these.

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Speaker 1: These are gonna help us in our communication so much.

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Speaker 1: I have a bad visual right now. You guys are perverted.

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Speaker 1: Whatever the final nine are, though, they're not gonna hit

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Speaker 1: most phones until early next year, so we're still gonna

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Speaker 1: have to wait twelve months.

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Speaker 2: They have time to change their mind. Please.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, speaking of face with squinty eyes. This guy is

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Speaker 1: all about adding characters to his shell phone, and he

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Speaker 1: wants to know if maybe they could add damp shoelaces

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Speaker 1: as an emoji to the last I'm gonna make sure.

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Speaker 2: To ask he's gonna pickle emoji.

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Speaker 1: Oh yeah, it's all over that. That now means Laser

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Speaker 1: Stories has come to an end for the day. We'll

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Speaker 1: do it again, same time on Friday.