Speaker 1: I won't let my body out be outwait everything that
Speaker 1: I'm made done, won't spend my life trying to change.
Speaker 2: I'm learning love who I am again. I'm stan I
Speaker 2: feel free, I know every pardon me, it's beautiful.
Speaker 1: And then we'll always out way if you feel it,
Speaker 1: but you are, She'll some love to the vio Why
Speaker 1: get there?
Speaker 3: Take you one day?
Speaker 2: Anta?
Speaker 4: Did you?
Speaker 3: And die out Way?
Speaker 4: Happy Saturday? Outweigh Amy here and Leanne Ellington. Hello, Hello,
Speaker 4: we are back together. Leanne has been doing some other episodes,
Speaker 4: but we're continuing our two things can be True at
Speaker 4: the same Time mini series. So we did four parts
Speaker 4: of this a few weeks ago and now we're going
Speaker 4: to do four more. So definitely encourage you to go
Speaker 4: back and listen to those if you missed them, because
Speaker 4: I think that there's a lot of in between. There's like, wait,
Speaker 4: this is how I'm feeling or that's how I'm feeling,
Speaker 4: and Leanne is the best one to help you understand
Speaker 4: and me understand, quite honestly, how well all.
Speaker 3: Of this stuff can exist at the same time and
Speaker 3: it's okay.
Speaker 4: And today we're touching on how you can be self
Speaker 4: endorsed and you can be super confident all the things,
Speaker 4: and you can also still care what other people think
Speaker 4: about you or fear judgment.
Speaker 3: And I think that it's important to remember that.
Speaker 2: One thousand percent.
Speaker 1: Yeah, So the topic of self endorsement first kind of
Speaker 1: presented itself to me when I had this moment of
Speaker 1: awareness where I was like, Okay, if somebody's not telling
Speaker 1: me that I'm amazing, or telling me that I'm smart,
Speaker 1: or telling me that I'm pretty or anything like that,
Speaker 1: I didn't know who I was. I felt like a
Speaker 1: shell of a version of myself without relying on somebody
Speaker 1: else to give it to me externally. And that was
Speaker 1: such a big awareness for me, because I felt like
Speaker 1: my brain was being hijacked and it was at the
Speaker 1: discretion of what other people thought, and not just what
Speaker 1: other people thought, what I thought other people thought, so
Speaker 1: my perceptions of their perceptions. And so this concept of
Speaker 1: self endorsement, like what would it look like if I,
Speaker 1: you know, really started paying attention to what I think
Speaker 1: and what I feel and what I say and who
Speaker 1: I'm being in my own eyes. And as I started
Speaker 1: further studying the brain, specifically the female brain, specifically the
Speaker 1: female self image, that anterior singular cortex, that ACC that
Speaker 1: I talk about all the time. It just kept coming
Speaker 1: up and it made me realize, you know, because you've
Speaker 1: met people, you hear people being like, well, I don't
Speaker 1: really care what they think. And I do agree that
Speaker 1: the older you get, the more you really care what
Speaker 1: or I should say, the older you get, the less
Speaker 1: you do care. But it's not practical or possible to
Speaker 1: never care because we have an entire part of our
Speaker 1: brain that is looking for the acceptance from other people.
Speaker 2: Do they like me? What do they think? Are they
Speaker 2: judging me?
Speaker 1: And we've talked about this too, that specific part of
Speaker 1: the brain, it's bigger and more active in females than
Speaker 1: it is in male, so especially at.
Speaker 3: The younger years, like teenage brains exactly.
Speaker 1: Especially that ACC really starts developing around puberty, so even
Speaker 1: as early as like ten to eleven for some girls,
Speaker 1: you know. So it's that awareness, and it's why the
Speaker 1: opinions of their friends matter so much more than the
Speaker 1: opinions of their parents, or their authority or their teacher,
Speaker 1: right or it. Again, it just depends where that person
Speaker 1: lays on their version of the social hierarchy, whether they
Speaker 1: deem them more important socially, that's whose opinions will care more, right,
Speaker 1: And so self endorsement especially, I believe is important at
Speaker 1: as we as we are young to till forever. But
Speaker 1: that being said, it's not practical to not care what
Speaker 1: other people think, right, But again, we become a victim
Speaker 1: to other people's opinions all the time if that's all
Speaker 1: we're relying on.
Speaker 4: So and I love that you mentioned a minute ago
Speaker 4: perceived perceptions. Yeah, because we're filtering something through our brain,
Speaker 4: or we make up stories and then it loops in
Speaker 4: our head and we feel like that's absolutely the truth.
Speaker 3: And it may be, yeah, sort of the truth, but
Speaker 3: we make it far worse.
Speaker 1: Yeah, it's a truth with a lowercase TA, which is
Speaker 1: really like a belief or a story or a meaning
Speaker 1: that we're giving it versus the truth with a capital T,
Speaker 1: Like what is the end all, be all truth?
Speaker 2: And sometimes we'll never know, right.
Speaker 1: But some things we do know, and we can also
Speaker 1: choose a new, more empowering truth to live by and
Speaker 1: new beliefs to step into. And that's where self endorsement
Speaker 1: comes into play. But coming back to the whole, two
Speaker 1: things can be true at the same time, like you
Speaker 1: can be self endorse you.
Speaker 2: Can love who you are, know who you are, be
Speaker 2: really assured in who you are.
Speaker 1: And so there's again multiple distinctions within here, and still
Speaker 1: care what other people think about you, right, And you
Speaker 1: can also care more about what you think about you
Speaker 1: than what other people think about you.
Speaker 2: And so that's that's the bottom line.
Speaker 1: If I were to say what self endorsement is, it's
Speaker 1: like caring just a teeny tiny bit more about what
Speaker 1: you think and what you say and how you feel
Speaker 1: about you and your value system and your integrity. Then
Speaker 1: you care about what other people think about you. But
Speaker 1: notice I didn't say not care what other people think
Speaker 1: about you. And then of course that goes into not
Speaker 1: relying on other people to fill you up internally for
Speaker 1: you to feel filled up yourself.
Speaker 3: What if words of affirmation or your love language?
Speaker 1: Sure?
Speaker 2: Absolutely, And I'm a big believer in meeting yourself where
Speaker 2: you are.
Speaker 1: So for the record, I'm telling all of this words
Speaker 1: of affirmation absolutely my number one love language.
Speaker 2: Yeah, big time.
Speaker 1: So you know, I think it's it's about again having both,
Speaker 1: not either or so for me, it's knowing that I
Speaker 1: also really like to have words of affirmation but I
Speaker 1: don't need it. So it's the difference between desire it
Speaker 1: versus require it. And then every once in a while
Speaker 1: you might require it in order to feel what you
Speaker 1: need to fill yourself while you're filling up your own cups. So,
Speaker 1: for example, if there's something that you haven't yet stepped into,
Speaker 1: and an example of this would be I might call
Speaker 1: you and be like, hey, Amy, I am stepping out
Speaker 1: on this new ledge right now. I've never done this,
Speaker 1: I've never tried this, I've never witnessed myself being successful
Speaker 1: at it. I have faith and I know I'm still
Speaker 1: into it, but I'm a little bit wobbly right now.
Speaker 1: And until I've figured out how to really believe myself,
Speaker 1: can you just remind me about what you see in
Speaker 1: me and what you say about me?
Speaker 2: And there's nothing wrong with that, there's nothing wrong with
Speaker 2: getting endorsed by other people.
Speaker 1: And so again desiring it but not requiring it to
Speaker 1: always need it, kind of like a drip feed of
Speaker 1: a drug to be able to manifest it within you
Speaker 1: for yourself.
Speaker 4: So like if someone's having the body image thoughts, food
Speaker 4: thoughts and they're thinking negatively of themselves, a form of
Speaker 4: moving in the right direction to get past that would
Speaker 4: be who's someone you can call that could say, hey,
Speaker 4: can you tell me what you see in me?
Speaker 3: So I have a question too.
Speaker 4: About that, because, like, you don't want to comment on
Speaker 4: someone's body, but I guess hearing a friend or a
Speaker 4: loved one comment on all the things they love about
Speaker 4: you that have nothing to do with appearance, right, right,
Speaker 4: be a step in the right direction. And asking for
Speaker 4: that from those that are close to you is okay.
Speaker 1: Yeah, such a great question, and you brought up some
Speaker 1: great distance. So first of all, yes, it's okay. What
Speaker 1: I would say is making sure that that's not all
Speaker 1: you're doing to fill up that self endorsement cup. And
Speaker 1: so another way of looking at endorsement. Self endorsement is
Speaker 1: one of the kind of distinctions I teach my clients is,
Speaker 1: or I should say, when they come to me, the
Speaker 1: majority of their thought process is spent looking for what
Speaker 1: they're not doing, who they're not being, what's not working,
Speaker 1: what they don't like, what they don't have, what they're
Speaker 1: not proud of.
Speaker 2: Right, So it's going in the opposite direction of endorsement.
Speaker 1: It's really moving in the direction of shame, blame, guilt, comparisonitis, perfectionism,
Speaker 1: all those things.
Speaker 2: Right, So, if that's what your brain space is used.
Speaker 1: To looking for, it will continue looking for that until
Speaker 1: you need teach it a new pathway, and then you're
Speaker 1: kind of left to Okay, if I want to feel
Speaker 1: filled up, I need somebody else to kind of again
Speaker 1: drip feed me that dose of filling up my own
Speaker 1: self esteem or self worth cup. So one of the
Speaker 1: things I invite my clients into is this concept, so
Speaker 1: specifically with the body image. And again I'm never saying like, hey,
Speaker 1: just take what I say as gospel. I'm always like,
Speaker 1: try it on, see how it fits, see what resonates.
Speaker 1: But to certain clients, I might say to them, hey,
Speaker 1: what if your appearance and your weight and what you
Speaker 1: look like was actually the least interesting thing about you.
Speaker 2: What if there is so much more.
Speaker 1: That is interesting about you that you just haven't explored
Speaker 1: and looked for because you've been kind of thinking about
Speaker 1: your weight. And so one of the things I invite
Speaker 1: them to do is start like a very specific self
Speaker 1: endorsement process, which is and it goes beyond the scope
Speaker 1: of what I'll share right now, but the meat of
Speaker 1: it is just start looking for what you are doing,
Speaker 1: who you are being, what is working, what you do have,
Speaker 1: what you are proud of. Right, it's like the proud
Speaker 1: of side of it, because it feels so great if
Speaker 1: you told me, like Leanne, I'm so proud of you.
Speaker 1: But for me to manufacture feeling proud of myself, it's
Speaker 1: a stretch because there's cobwebs on that part of that brain.
Speaker 2: Maybe it's never been used, maybe it hasn't been used in.
Speaker 1: A very long time, and it needs the cobwebs need
Speaker 1: to be cleared, and that new pathway needs to be built.
Speaker 1: This is for the record, one of the most challenging
Speaker 1: things my clients is to start acknowledging, bragging on like
Speaker 1: a humble brag, so to speak, acknowledging themselves, celebrating themselves,
Speaker 1: being proud of themselves. But the reason I invite them
Speaker 1: into that part of the conversation is because it's literally
Speaker 1: the recipe for self endorsement. And it's not just about
Speaker 1: the doing. It's not just about Okay, I checked off
Speaker 1: that box I wrote in my journal about three things
Speaker 1: I'm proud of today. It's about little by little, teaching
Speaker 1: your brain every day to go down that path to
Speaker 1: look for what you are doing, who you are being,
Speaker 1: what is working.
Speaker 4: You know.
Speaker 1: A metaphor for this is if you are metaphorically getting
Speaker 1: in your car every single day and driving south, right
Speaker 1: and south, meaning shame, blame, comparison itis, the opposite of
Speaker 1: self endorsement, what you're not doing every day. I mean,
Speaker 1: you don't even have to think about it. You could
Speaker 1: just get in your car and all of a sudden
Speaker 1: you'll be heading south in that car. But once you
Speaker 1: switch into this mindset of what I'm what I'm sharing,
Speaker 1: it's you're not going to magically get in the car
Speaker 1: and it's all of a sudden going to turn around
Speaker 1: and go north.
Speaker 4: Right.
Speaker 1: At first, you're gonna have to, you know, get in
Speaker 1: the car, assume that it's going to automatically start going south,
Speaker 1: because that program in your brain just you know, start
Speaker 1: driving the direction that you always would.
Speaker 2: And it's gonna take a lot of momentum.
Speaker 1: And energy at first to literally like hit the brakes
Speaker 1: on the car, turn the car around, and then start
Speaker 1: driving north in this new direction that you don't have
Speaker 1: a map for right, So at first it's a lot
Speaker 1: of energy to go from south to north right north
Speaker 1: in this metaphor being who you are, being what you
Speaker 1: are doing, what you do, have, what you've created, what
Speaker 1: you're proud of, what you love, what you like.
Speaker 2: But little by little, that car you're.
Speaker 1: Again, it's not going to just automatically go north, but
Speaker 1: little by little it's not gonna take so much resistance
Speaker 1: to turn it around. And all of a sudden it's
Speaker 1: going southwest, and then northwest, and then all of a
Speaker 1: sudden it is going north. But it's about teaching your
Speaker 1: brand this new path as opposed to just okay, check
Speaker 1: that off. Wrote my gratitude journal, wrote my proud of journal.
Speaker 4: Right if you did give me that homework assignment once,
Speaker 4: and I do think it's a good one to, like
Speaker 4: you said, have people do, but it's not the end
Speaker 4: all be all. But you were like Amy ought you
Speaker 4: to get in your journal, and I want you to
Speaker 4: brag on yourself to yourself and celebrate.
Speaker 3: And that's what I did.
Speaker 4: I wrote, I celebrate that I did this, and I
Speaker 4: celebrate that I am this way, and I celebrate these
Speaker 4: parts of me. And so my encouragement being someone that
Speaker 4: has done that exercise and has had similar thoughts to
Speaker 4: where I want to rewire.
Speaker 3: I want to dust off.
Speaker 4: Those cobwebs, would be absolutely do that, and then also
Speaker 4: just be patient with yourself, knowing that if the cobwebs
Speaker 4: are there, like something's blocked and you don't even know
Speaker 4: your fullest potential. You don't even know those parts of
Speaker 4: you yet that Leanne mentioned that are really awesome that
Speaker 4: have nothing to do with your looks.
Speaker 3: You might be like, well, I don't, I don't know
Speaker 3: that I have anything.
Speaker 4: Well, you do, but Leanne and I can certainly relate
Speaker 4: to the fact that you just haven't discovered that part
Speaker 4: of yourself yet or it was there maybe when you
Speaker 4: were a kid or before the food and the body
Speaker 4: image stuff started, and then that got suppressed and had
Speaker 4: to quiet itself because everything else was louder. And so
Speaker 4: we need to and I say we because I'm in
Speaker 4: the process of doing too. It's you're waking it back up.
Speaker 1: Absolutely yeah. And you know we you could past present future.
Speaker 1: It's a great way to reconcile stuff from the past
Speaker 1: and then see what you're creating in reality. But the
Speaker 1: other thing, too, is like giving yourself grace that this
Speaker 1: is one of the most common I'm going to use
Speaker 1: the word fights that a lot of people slash women
Speaker 1: have is like knowing our worthiness, knowing why we're awesome,
Speaker 1: remembering it because I mean, when you think about yesterday,
Speaker 1: what's the first thing that comes to mind? All the
Speaker 1: things you didn't do or all the things that you accomplished.
Speaker 3: Oh, you know my yesterday.
Speaker 2: I do know your yesterday.
Speaker 3: Yesterday I was like, I don't know what happened.
Speaker 2: But like, between might need external endorsement. I guess a baby.
Speaker 4: Bird and a huge crack in my windshield and like, oh,
Speaker 4: we're taking care of our neighbor's cat. Couldn't find the cat.
Speaker 4: It's a black cat, by the way, And I thought,
Speaker 4: what in the world?
Speaker 3: Like everything? And I don't like to get power to that.
Speaker 4: I don't like to say everything's going wrong today, because
Speaker 4: then everything will continue to go wrong today. So I
Speaker 4: didn't do that yesterday, although I was very aware that
Speaker 4: lots of things were going wrong, but I tried to
Speaker 4: stay lighthearted about it and be like it is all
Speaker 4: going to work out all as well. And then today
Speaker 4: I'm trying to, you know, laugh about it more so
Speaker 4: that way I just can channel getting in the flow
Speaker 4: for good things.
Speaker 3: But you know, I have stuff like that is just
Speaker 3: gonna happen, but it's part of life.
Speaker 4: The main takeaway from this for me, speaking from someone
Speaker 4: that's done the celebration journaling, would be start to celebrate yourself.
Speaker 3: And maybe you're not a journaler, well then I don't know.
Speaker 4: When you're driving in your car, be like I am
Speaker 4: awesome because DA, or when you're at work, maybe you
Speaker 4: have to do it silently in your head and you
Speaker 4: know you just did an awesome presentation or turned in
Speaker 4: an awesome report, say wow, I am awesome.
Speaker 3: I did that and it is good for sure.
Speaker 1: And if that even feels like a far stretch for anyone,
Speaker 1: because you know, for some people that might be that
Speaker 1: might feel far away or braggadocious or whatever. Borrow the
Speaker 1: eyes of unconditional love. Borrow the eyes if you have
Speaker 1: somebody in your life that you're like, man, they always
Speaker 1: see the real me.
Speaker 3: Borrow those eyes. You know, for me, I've borrow eyes
Speaker 3: like eyeballs.
Speaker 1: Oh sorry, good distinction eyes I thought you're about to
Speaker 1: give us.
Speaker 4: Yeah, I you know, borrow the letter eye on the
Speaker 4: alphabet acronym, you know, like let's go over all the eyes, like.
Speaker 1: Yeah, I borrow somebody's pupils in metaphorical integrity.
Speaker 3: What intelligence there you go, so eyeballs, yes, eyeballs.
Speaker 2: Thank you for that clarification.
Speaker 1: Go team, But yeah, borrow somebody's eyeballs ocular system and
Speaker 1: you know, just see yourself through them.
Speaker 2: For me sometimes on in my journal.
Speaker 1: And this is also me not coming from some high
Speaker 1: mountain of like, oh, I'm so self endorsed. I never
Speaker 1: you know, it's I'm constantly up against my own internal beliefs,
Speaker 1: and I'm always on the self imaging journey.
Speaker 3: Because two things can be true to this in one
Speaker 3: thousand percent.
Speaker 1: And I care what people think about me because I'm
Speaker 1: wired to care, right, But I also care what I
Speaker 1: think about me, and I've placed precedents on that. But
Speaker 1: for me, sometimes I'll show up in my journal, but God,
Speaker 1: please just remind me who I am, show me who
Speaker 1: you see me as, because sometimes I don't have the
Speaker 1: strength or the resilience or the energy to pull from
Speaker 1: it myself, or sometimes I'm in the midst of something,
Speaker 1: you know, So even just borrowing those unconditional eyes of love, acceptance, grace,
Speaker 1: if you don't feel like you can engineer it yourself,
Speaker 1: that's a great starting point, as well, but the bottom
Speaker 1: line is knowing, Like if you've ever said, man, I
Speaker 1: just wish I didn't care what people think about me,
Speaker 1: know that you're not wrong, broken, weird, weak for caring
Speaker 1: what people think about you. You are wired to care.
Speaker 1: But what we're inviting you into is just start looking
Speaker 1: for and paying attention to and starting to care about
Speaker 1: what you think and what you see and what you
Speaker 1: say in your opinion and view.
Speaker 2: Of yourself just a little bit more.
Speaker 3: It makes me think of the people that say that.
Speaker 4: Do say, well, I don't really care what people think
Speaker 4: about me, and you might think, oh, I wish I
Speaker 4: was that way, But I would guess that they're saying
Speaker 4: that as a defense mechanism, because you're telling us that's
Speaker 4: sort of impossible.
Speaker 1: We're wired to care, unless we're obviously going on the
Speaker 1: bridge of some sort of like disorder or sociopathy.
Speaker 4: Okay, that's a whole nother podcast. So LeAnn, where can
Speaker 4: people find you?
Speaker 2: Absolutely?
Speaker 1: You can head on over to Stressless Eating dot com
Speaker 1: or I Am making my way on Instagram. Now welcome
Speaker 1: to twenty twenty three. So I'm Leanne Ellington over on
Speaker 1: her Instagram.
Speaker 4: Her debut Leanne Ellington but I'm sure it's stresslessading dot
Speaker 4: com is there at Instagram icon they can click on?
Speaker 3: If not, we should but walls okay, noted to do list.
Speaker 3: Did you hear that, Siri? Because you can you know
Speaker 3: you can put Facebook right?
Speaker 1: Yeah?
Speaker 2: Yeah you can't.
Speaker 1: And maybe that she just double dog dareby people you
Speaker 1: heard it first. Yes, so we'll see see what happens.
Speaker 4: I am at radio Amy and radio me dot com
Speaker 4: and actually I now want to go check radio me
Speaker 4: dot com and see if I have little icons because
Speaker 4: I don't know that I do, but I.
Speaker 3: Appreciate websites that do.
Speaker 1: Yeah.
Speaker 3: So hope y'all are having the day that you need
Speaker 3: to have.
Speaker 4: And Tuesday I'll be doing a fifth thing with Kat
Speaker 4: Thursday four Things. LeAnn has an podcast launching soon called
Speaker 4: What's God Got to Do with It? We're very excited,
Speaker 4: so more about that later and then of course we'll
Speaker 4: be back together to continue this mini series next Saturday.
Speaker 3: All right, bye bye