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Speaker 1: Again we look at these people like they're these bad

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Speaker 1: people that are living in this perfect world and how

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Speaker 1: could they be doing this? And I'm like, wait a second,

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Speaker 1: these people are responding to the world that they're living

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Speaker 1: int Hey, y'all, and welcome back to You Need Therapy podcast.

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Speaker 1: I'm Cat, I'm your host. And that felt so weird

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Speaker 1: saying I'm Cat and I'm your host. My name is Kat,

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Speaker 1: and I'm the hopes of this podcast, and today you

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Speaker 1: are getting an episode of just Me, Just all me. Um.

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Speaker 1: I'm super excited about this episode actually, and I didn't

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Speaker 1: intend to do this by myself, but some things kind

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Speaker 1: of fell out of place that honestly, let some things

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Speaker 1: fall into place, and I'm pretty excited actually how this

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Speaker 1: is all turning out. But before we get to that,

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Speaker 1: I have an announcement. So we launched a march line today.

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Speaker 1: Well we launched merch. I don't know if you would

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Speaker 1: call it a line, but well, to be honest, we

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Speaker 1: launched it last week to our newsletter subscribers. They got

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Speaker 1: a special discount and a week to pre order some

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Speaker 1: stuff that we're only getting a limited amount of. So

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Speaker 1: if you head over to the website, you need therapy

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Speaker 1: dot com. You can click on the store tap and

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Speaker 1: see all the super cute things we have. My favorite

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Speaker 1: is the hat I will say, um, and I also

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Speaker 1: love the buttons. I put the all Bodies are Good

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Speaker 1: Bodies button. It's so cute on my Jeane jacket and

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Speaker 1: I love it. And we have some stickers and a

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Speaker 1: cute T shirt that you guys voted on on Instagram,

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Speaker 1: so I would expect you guys to want it. Basically,

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Speaker 1: everything that's on there is cute and adorable. Um, and

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Speaker 1: you need it, so good good son. Also, because I

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Speaker 1: love you guys so much, my podcast listeners are going

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Speaker 1: to get a special discount too, So this week I'm

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Speaker 1: going to send you guys a code. The code is

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Speaker 1: y MT and you can use that code to get

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Speaker 1: tempers On off anything in our online store. Now, remember

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Speaker 1: these are pre orders, so expect a longer shipping time

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Speaker 1: and uh happy shopping. If you don't want to shop,

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Speaker 1: just go look at our website. It's cute. Also, don't

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Speaker 1: forget to follow me on social media so at cat

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Speaker 1: dot de fodda. Remember I changed my Instagram handle to

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Speaker 1: separate that kind of from the practice. And then also

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Speaker 1: at you need therapy podcast. Um is just the Instagram

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Speaker 1: for the podcast. Also another disclaimer, I feel like I

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Speaker 1: need to say this more often now, but this is

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Speaker 1: not therapy. So this is a podcast called you Need Therapy,

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Speaker 1: which you probably do because like really all of us do.

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Speaker 1: We could all benefit from it. But this isn't therapy.

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Speaker 1: This is more like I would call this like psycho education,

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Speaker 1: Like I'm educating you guys, giving you information, but we're

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Speaker 1: not doing therapy. I suggest that we all do it.

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Speaker 1: But it this is right here, is not it? Anyway?

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Speaker 1: I say, yeah, we get into the episode. We don't

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Speaker 1: have to do any fancy intro or anything that because

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Speaker 1: it's just me. You guys want to know. I guess

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Speaker 1: you know what we're talking about because it's the title

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Speaker 1: of the episode. But it's all about addiction. We're diving

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Speaker 1: into the world of addiction. And I've been wanting to

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Speaker 1: do this for a long time. UM. I find this

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Speaker 1: to be an extremely extremely important topic to talk about

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Speaker 1: and bring into a conversation because, whether we realize it

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Speaker 1: or not, we live in the most addicted cohort that

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Speaker 1: has ever existed in the world. And I believe that

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Speaker 1: our general view of addiction is super small minded and

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Speaker 1: just confused. So today we're going to talk about all

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Speaker 1: of the things, but not all of the things at

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Speaker 1: the same time. I get or I got a lot

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Speaker 1: of questions from you guys on Instagram about addiction, and

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Speaker 1: I'm gonna weave them and we've the answers throughout here.

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Speaker 1: But basically, today I'm going to talk about what I

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Speaker 1: think the why is behind a lot of what makes

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Speaker 1: somebody an addict or how it gets triggered. Let me

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Speaker 1: give you a little backstory on my journey as a

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Speaker 1: therapist UM before I get into all of the juicy details,

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Speaker 1: because I got my start when I first started UM

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Speaker 1: as an intern in a residential treatment center. So that's

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Speaker 1: the foundation of me as a therapist. The foundation of

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Speaker 1: me as a therapist is in addiction. So that was

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Speaker 1: like what I learned first and foremost. However, and I

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Speaker 1: will say I would feel like I'm an expert in

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Speaker 1: that world. I'm not the expert, but I'm pretty well

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Speaker 1: versed in it. And so however, when I started as

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Speaker 1: an intern, I thought addiction just looked like drinking too much,

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Speaker 1: doing a bunch of drugs and stuff like that. And

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Speaker 1: I can laugh at myself now, but ten years ago,

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Speaker 1: I was almost, well not almost, I was I was

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Speaker 1: scared of people that I labeled as addicts while really

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Speaker 1: unknowingly like I was one. And we'll get into that.

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Speaker 1: But the first time I walked into my internship site,

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Speaker 1: I looked at the clients there as like different than me,

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Speaker 1: like almost like they were I hate that I'm saying this,

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Speaker 1: but it's true, and I feel like it's important. Is

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Speaker 1: I felt like almost like they're like less than me

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Speaker 1: or something. And they had this like I don't know

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Speaker 1: this either bad, this missing good peace or this added

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Speaker 1: bad piece to them, And yeah, I do. I mean,

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Speaker 1: I think I said this already. I feel shame about

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Speaker 1: saying that, but a lot of people listening to this

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Speaker 1: might feel that way too. And I'm all about breaking

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Speaker 1: some stigmas here, and and I get why you might

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Speaker 1: think that. I think the world shapes addiction like that.

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Speaker 1: The world labels individuals who struggle with addiction is as

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Speaker 1: bad people, world ruiners, life ruiners, or problems. And this

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Speaker 1: couldn't actually be further for from the truth. Sometimes I

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Speaker 1: think the addicts are the wants to actually have it right,

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Speaker 1: They are actually responding to a broken world instead of

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Speaker 1: going along with it and acting like the world is

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Speaker 1: normal because it's not. And all that to say, I

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Speaker 1: think when people are in their addiction, they can do

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Speaker 1: bad things and they can cause problems. But what I

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Speaker 1: want to say before we talk about this is they

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Speaker 1: aren't bad people and they are not problems. Honestly, Sometimes

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Speaker 1: I sit around and I'm like, is everybody crazy? Like truly,

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Speaker 1: Like if we are the most addicted cohort of the

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Speaker 1: fact that that's going on. Shouldn't that be a red flag,

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Speaker 1: like a giant red flag, Like something has to be

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Speaker 1: going on now that hasn't been going on before, Like

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Speaker 1: how all of a sudden is everybody in addict? And

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Speaker 1: today I believe that alcoholism and drug abuse is just

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Speaker 1: a corner of what addiction is. Humans have created this

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Speaker 1: skill of becoming addicted to anything, really, and they have

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Speaker 1: we have this way of masking it as things that

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Speaker 1: a lot of times look normal or they look like good.

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Speaker 1: And I can say a lot of my history and

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Speaker 1: my story and my eating disorders, like my addiction looked

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Speaker 1: good and I was really praised for it, which is

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Speaker 1: really screwed up because somebody who's doing heroin or or

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Speaker 1: drinking all them they're not praised for that. But we're

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Speaker 1: both doing the same thing. So let's start with what

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Speaker 1: addiction is, like, what really is addiction? And depending on

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Speaker 1: who you talk to, you're going to get different answers

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Speaker 1: to this question in different kind of answers. So this

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Speaker 1: is how I explain addiction. Addiction is what happens when

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Speaker 1: we find solutions to problems in our lives and then

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Speaker 1: the solutions stuff working, but our brain doesn't catch up

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Speaker 1: with the fact that they're not working anymore. Our brain

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Speaker 1: keeps living and how it did work and how it

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Speaker 1: did help, rather than how it's not helping now and today.

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Speaker 1: When I talk about addiction, I just want to put

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Speaker 1: a disclaimer as I'm not just talking about drugs and alcohol.

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Speaker 1: You'll hear me say specifically those things, but I'm talking

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Speaker 1: about all behaviors we become addicted to. And that is

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Speaker 1: because it's not about the thing you're using. Addiction isn't

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Speaker 1: about drugs, and it's not about alcohol. Addiction isn't about shopping,

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Speaker 1: it's not about sex. It's about what you're trying to fix.

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Speaker 1: And remember All these vices are solutions to problems that

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Speaker 1: end up not working anymore. So at one point they worked.

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Speaker 1: At one point for an alcoholic, the alcohol fis the problem.

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Speaker 1: Let me give you a couple of examples. So some

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Speaker 1: of us get addicted to running. I say, at one

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Speaker 1: one point in my life, I was addicted to running

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Speaker 1: um and I don't need to give you an exact

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Speaker 1: picture where that looked for, but I mean I had

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Speaker 1: to run every single day, and it was at least

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Speaker 1: six miles, never less, because then it was a waste

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Speaker 1: of time, and I felt like I had to do

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Speaker 1: that to survive. It was a coping mechanism and it

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Speaker 1: was the only one I had. Now, what I was

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Speaker 1: really doing was I was running away from feelings. I

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Speaker 1: was running away from scary relationships. I was running away

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Speaker 1: from anything less than the desirable. I was running to

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Speaker 1: escape a bigger issue within myself that I didn't realize

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Speaker 1: I had. However, after a while, running an exercise in

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Speaker 1: my obsession with it, stopped helping because it was making

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Speaker 1: it less possible for me to have what I wanted.

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Speaker 1: Because all I was doing was running and exercising, and

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Speaker 1: it was the thing that I had to do all

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Speaker 1: the time, and it was becoming a problem. So I

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Speaker 1: was creating more problems, and then I wasn't able to

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Speaker 1: get the things I really wanted because what I really

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Speaker 1: wanted were relationships. I was saving myself from us one

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Speaker 1: kind of pain, but I started stealing on opportunities for joy,

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Speaker 1: so it stopped working. I mean, some of us get

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Speaker 1: addicted to taking care of other people. And what happens

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Speaker 1: then is like you, you've done this thing for so long,

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Speaker 1: Eventually how you get from meeting other people's needs will stop,

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Speaker 1: masking the whole you have for not caring for yourself.

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Speaker 1: It will only work for so long, believe it or not.

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Speaker 1: Some of us get addicted to our negative body image.

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Speaker 1: We create these hurtful narratives around what our bodies look like,

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Speaker 1: and that becomes a way to your needs met and becau.

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Speaker 1: As this addiction is rooted in your thoughts and your

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Speaker 1: belief system, it's really tough to break. So what I

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Speaker 1: want you to hear is that addiction is a way

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Speaker 1: to meet a legitimate need in illegitimate ways. So the

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Speaker 1: need that the addiction is like fulfilling that's legitimate, But

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Speaker 1: how we're going about it isn't running doesn't really help

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Speaker 1: the pain I have and who I am and who

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Speaker 1: I think I am based on my experiences in my life.

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Speaker 1: Taking care of other people doesn't actually fix the pain

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Speaker 1: and the fact that you feel like you're not worth anything.

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Speaker 1: And that's a lot of times what's really going on

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Speaker 1: underneath addiction. The thing that I want to highlight right

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Speaker 1: now is that people who struggle with addiction aren't just

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Speaker 1: shitty people who suffer from extreme moral failings. That's going

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Speaker 1: to be further from the truth. They are trying to

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Speaker 1: survive in a world that some way, somehow has failed them.

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Speaker 1: So the question that I'm going to bring up over

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Speaker 1: and over again today isn't why the addiction in It's

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Speaker 1: why do we have the pain of unmet needs? The

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Speaker 1: question isn't why are you drinking? It's not why are

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Speaker 1: you smoking weed, isn't why are you doing this drug?

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Speaker 1: Why are you gambling? It's why are you hurting? And

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Speaker 1: I really wonder what would happen if we ask people

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Speaker 1: what what hurts? Or tell me about your pain, rather

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Speaker 1: than if we just said why do you keep drinking?

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Speaker 1: Why do you keep letting me down? Why do you

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Speaker 1: keep using drugs. Why do you keep spending all your money?

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Speaker 1: The thing that we've become addicted to offer something that

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Speaker 1: helps us overcome something else. If it didn't, you would

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Speaker 1: never need to do it again, and you never would

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Speaker 1: do it again. You wouldn't do it more than once

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Speaker 1: if it didn't help. But then what happens is when

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Speaker 1: the old solution stops working, we somehow decide that it's

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Speaker 1: our fault. And this is where it gets a little haywire,

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Speaker 1: Like we create stories like we're bad or we're wrong,

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Speaker 1: we're not good enough. We find meaning and why that

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Speaker 1: solution stopped working, and that meaning usually sucks, like big

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Speaker 1: time sucks. And so when that happens, we start to

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Speaker 1: live in those belief systems like we're not good enough

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Speaker 1: when we're bad, Oh I'll show you how bad I am. Um,

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Speaker 1: I'm not good enough. Oh show you how not good

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Speaker 1: enough I am. My belief is that the addiction of

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Speaker 1: berating ourselves comes from comes from a place of not

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Speaker 1: knowing if our insides are truly good um. And this

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Speaker 1: is where the work comes in the work that a

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Speaker 1: lot of times is less desirable than hurting ourselves because

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Speaker 1: we know that this might surprise a lot of people.

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Speaker 1: But when I work with clients who are struggling with addiction,

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Speaker 1: specifically whether it is part of their eating disorder, or

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Speaker 1: is drugs or alcohol or sex, we rarely talk about

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Speaker 1: the actual thing that they're using. So we rarely sit

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Speaker 1: in my office and talk about alcohol all for an hour.

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Speaker 1: We're not talking about that. What we might do is

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Speaker 1: we might talk about the last time they drank, or

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Speaker 1: um when they had urges, what was going on, or

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Speaker 1: the feelings they had before and after they used, or

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Speaker 1: something like that. But we're not sitting around and talking

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Speaker 1: about alcohol all day. We're talking about what leads them

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Speaker 1: to the alcohol. We're not talking about their straight up

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Speaker 1: eating habit. Sometimes we have sessions and we do a

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Speaker 1: check in. We might do a check in around like

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Speaker 1: urges and stuff like that. But I will have sessions

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Speaker 1: with somebody and let's let's just make it easy, and

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Speaker 1: let's say they came there an alcoholic and they came

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Speaker 1: in to stop drinking. We might be a check in

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Speaker 1: and to see how much they drank that week or

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Speaker 1: what where their urges were, and then we spend the

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Speaker 1: whole session talking about other things. If you think about

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Speaker 1: this idea and I bring this up all the time,

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Speaker 1: but I think that we have these two cool or

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Speaker 1: desires when we're born. One is to be loved and

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Speaker 1: to belong and one is to be ourselves. And at

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Speaker 1: some point in our lives a lot of times things

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Speaker 1: will happen and we will feel like we are not

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Speaker 1: worthy of love because we are not getting the love

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Speaker 1: we want. And that go so far into attachment. And

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Speaker 1: we've talked about that before. And so if I grow

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Speaker 1: up in this world where like I don't feel like

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Speaker 1: I love, i'm loved, or I don't belong, I will

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Speaker 1: drop who I am so that second desire to be

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Speaker 1: who I am that becomes not so important. I will

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Speaker 1: pick things up and will drop things in order to

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Speaker 1: get that love and belonging need. And I want you

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Speaker 1: to remember that part because we're going to come back

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Speaker 1: to that at the end when the solution stops working.

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Speaker 1: This is where we have to get really close to

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Speaker 1: our pain in order to entire ourselves from it, dig

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Speaker 1: into why it feels so good when you're essentially hitting

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Speaker 1: your head with a hammer over and over and over again.

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Speaker 1: Many of us don't want to stop doing that, because

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Speaker 1: when we stop abusing ourselves, we start to feel again. Well,

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Speaker 1: ignoring the pain doesn't make a go away. So ignoring

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Speaker 1: the pain and abusing ourselves doesn't make anything go away.

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Speaker 1: It just turns that pain into suffering. So again, the

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Speaker 1: question here isn't why the addiction. It's why the fear

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Speaker 1: of being honest and sitting with yourself, Why the fear

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Speaker 1: of actually feeling what's going on. If that can't be tackled,

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Speaker 1: then the pattern most likely won't be broken. And I

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Speaker 1: got a lot of questions from people asking about, um,

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Speaker 1: can you replace one addiction for a better addiction? And

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Speaker 1: what about going like hopping around? And you know you can,

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Speaker 1: but that's not actually fixing anything. You can't fix an

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Speaker 1: addiction through an addiction. You heal an addiction through healing

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Speaker 1: what really is going on underneath of the addiction, which

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Speaker 1: is the pain. And I've had to sit with so

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Speaker 1: many clients and tell them that I can't make their

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Speaker 1: addiction go away. And it's one of the more painful

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Speaker 1: conversations I have because that's often what people expect me

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Speaker 1: to do, Like they expect to come into a therapist

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Speaker 1: office and they want to be fixed, and they expect

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Speaker 1: to be fixed and I can't it, like, help somebody

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Speaker 1: let go of something that is hurting them if the

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Speaker 1: pain of hurting themselves is masking something they think is

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Speaker 1: more painful. I'm gonna say that again. I can't help

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Speaker 1: somebody let go of something that's hurt of hurting them

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Speaker 1: if the pain of hurting themselves is masking something they

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Speaker 1: think is more painful. And a lot of times that's

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Speaker 1: knowing themselves and knowing truth and sitting with that, and

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Speaker 1: that requires them to put that hammer down and stop

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Speaker 1: hitting themselves. The other part I want to say right

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Speaker 1: there is it's also not my job to fix anyone

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Speaker 1: because I don't really think that these people are broken.

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Speaker 1: I don't think addicts are broken. I think that they

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Speaker 1: need to see that they're not broken. And you know, honestly,

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Speaker 1: being an attic means something is kind of right with you,

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Speaker 1: because again, what if it we looked at this as

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Speaker 1: a way of like, people are responding to a world

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Speaker 1: that's really screwed up, and when we use our addictions

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Speaker 1: or we act out, it's because we want to feel better,

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Speaker 1: and there's nothing wrong with that. That's a very normal

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Speaker 1: human thing to want to feel better. So it's almost

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Speaker 1: like your addiction is saying something's right with you. You

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Speaker 1: know that something is off. So you don't need to

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Speaker 1: be fixed, You're just You're behaviors just need to be

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Speaker 1: looked at a little bit differently. So when someone decides

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Speaker 1: they want to quit or they want to stop doing something,

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Speaker 1: and we can get more into the idea, like let's

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Speaker 1: just like we can talk about the basics of drug

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Speaker 1: and alcohol, but like I want you guys to do

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Speaker 1: this as a broader thing. So this is going way

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Speaker 1: way deeper than that. But for the sake of it

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Speaker 1: being me not having to label every single addiction every time,

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Speaker 1: we're gonna talk about rugs and alcohol. So when somebody

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Speaker 1: wants to quit, there comes this thing called withdraw. And

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Speaker 1: withdraw is what happens when your body is trying to

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Speaker 1: find a new balance after you stop giving it certain

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Speaker 1: drugs or experiences that create a chemical response within your body. Now,

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Speaker 1: this is super painful and oh most of the time,

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Speaker 1: and the physical side effects can include anxiety, fatigue, sweating, vomiting, depression,

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Speaker 1: Caesar Caesar's seizures, that's a hard word, and hallucinations like

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Speaker 1: it's not easy and it's not fun to do this

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Speaker 1: work like, to really do this work, you have to

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Speaker 1: be willing to hang in during the withdraw period. And

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Speaker 1: as uncomfortable as it can be physically, it can be

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Speaker 1: worse emotionally. This is the period when you feel so

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Speaker 1: exposed because you can't cover up your old pain with

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Speaker 1: new pain. So I want you guys to see that

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Speaker 1: it is not as easy as like, why don't you

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Speaker 1: just stop? Why don't you just put that down? Why

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Speaker 1: don't you stop drinking? Why don't you not go to

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Speaker 1: the bar? Why don't you? I mean, you have to

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Speaker 1: you have to actually resist these physical, terrible, terrible side effects.

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Speaker 1: And then also you are actually forced to sit with

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Speaker 1: this stuff that you've been trying to run away from

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Speaker 1: for god who knows how long. Now. When the general

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Speaker 1: public has looked at addiction, there have been two main models,

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Speaker 1: um and a lot of you guys have also asked

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Speaker 1: questions about these of like, is addiction it's just a choice?

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Speaker 1: Is it is it is a disease? Is it genetic? Like?

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Speaker 1: And so the general public would say, there's two main

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Speaker 1: main models here, choice model, and the choice model just

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Speaker 1: basically says that this is a choice that people are making,

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Speaker 1: like addiction is just a bad choice that people are

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Speaker 1: choosing to do, which really is so crazy, but we'll

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Speaker 1: come back to that. And then the disease model basically

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Speaker 1: says that this is a genetic brain disease. Right, so

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Speaker 1: this is something that people are born with. They can't

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Speaker 1: help it, They're just genetically predisposed to this. Okay, Well,

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Speaker 1: two things. If it's a choice, why would you talk

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Speaker 1: about it being a brain disease, Like, if it's a choice,

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Speaker 1: then it wouldn't be a brain disease. If it's a

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Speaker 1: brain disease, why would you punish people from making a

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Speaker 1: bad choice because it's in their brains. So there's these

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Speaker 1: two like so opposing models out there, and in the

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Speaker 1: proble him is I don't think either of these models

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Speaker 1: actually encompassed what really causes addiction. You're gonna hear me

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00:20:07,160 --> 00:20:09,879
Speaker 1: mentioned this person's name over and over because he was

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Speaker 1: such a important part of shaping and changing the way

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Speaker 1: I looked at addiction. So goodbor, mate. You know how

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Speaker 1: I said in the beginning of this that when I

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Speaker 1: started my work as an intern, I thought of addicts

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Speaker 1: as these like bad or wrong people just like different

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Speaker 1: than me. I probably looked at it more from the

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Speaker 1: choice theory, the choice model, and well, I was introduced

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Speaker 1: to gobor Mate and his work, and I watched a

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Speaker 1: lecture that he did years ago. It's probably like fifteen

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Speaker 1: years old. At this point. I think people had been

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Speaker 1: talking about this stuff, but I had never heard it

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Speaker 1: in these words, And in that lecture was the first

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Speaker 1: time I heard someone in these kinds of words say

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Speaker 1: what these two models failed to look at. Both of

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Speaker 1: these models ignore the most important layer of addiction that

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Speaker 1: I've known, and I've seen it. I've worked with hundreds

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Speaker 1: of addicts. I mean, I'm not again, I'm not the

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Speaker 1: expertist expert, but I'm seeing that there's one common denominator

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Speaker 1: that neither of these things address at all. It ignores

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Speaker 1: society and it ignores our culture. If we just make

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Speaker 1: this about bad people or brain disease, we don't have

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Speaker 1: to look at history, we don't have to look at society,

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Speaker 1: and we don't have to look at culture. And because

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00:21:26,400 --> 00:21:30,200
Speaker 1: of that, a lot of really disturbing social aspects get

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Speaker 1: off of the hook. Okay, and if you're confused, let's

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Speaker 1: look at this. Like the natives of our country, they

396
00:21:36,480 --> 00:21:39,600
Speaker 1: used to use all kinds of substances without addiction in

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Speaker 1: their history all kinds, and they were used for ceremonial uses.

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Speaker 1: It wasn't about escaping ourselves. It wasn't about blocking out

399
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Speaker 1: our problems. Serial ceremonial use is about finding a higher

400
00:21:50,640 --> 00:21:55,840
Speaker 1: level of consciousness and connecting rather than disconnecting. Well, if

401
00:21:55,840 --> 00:21:59,439
Speaker 1: people were just genetically programmed to be addicted, why was

402
00:21:59,480 --> 00:22:03,600
Speaker 1: nobody at did back before things got really well, really

403
00:22:03,600 --> 00:22:07,360
Speaker 1: shitty for them? Right, So, the natives of our country

404
00:22:07,560 --> 00:22:12,000
Speaker 1: weren't addicted to these things until something happened when they

405
00:22:12,040 --> 00:22:15,000
Speaker 1: lost the right to live their lives the way they

406
00:22:15,080 --> 00:22:18,320
Speaker 1: knew how to live them. That's when addictions started to

407
00:22:18,320 --> 00:22:23,280
Speaker 1: take off for them. Now here's another thing. Just using

408
00:22:23,320 --> 00:22:27,240
Speaker 1: these models makes the assumption that the substances are in

409
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Speaker 1: themselves addictive. And we've all heard this, right of like

410
00:22:31,160 --> 00:22:33,560
Speaker 1: oh that drug is so addictive, or oh that's so addictive,

411
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Speaker 1: or that whatever. Just the alcohol is an addictive alone,

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Speaker 1: because most people that drink alcohol never become addicted. Right. Therefore,

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Speaker 1: we can't explain addiction by the power of the drug

414
00:22:48,520 --> 00:22:51,440
Speaker 1: or the power of the behavior itself. This is why

415
00:22:51,560 --> 00:22:55,119
Speaker 1: you can't stop addiction just by taking away the substance.

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Speaker 1: You can't stop addiction just by making it impossible for

417
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Speaker 1: somebody to drink. That's where you do this, this whack

418
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Speaker 1: a mole. Stuff comes in, we take away the alcohol,

419
00:23:04,520 --> 00:23:06,960
Speaker 1: and work will come in. We'll take away work. Shopping

420
00:23:06,960 --> 00:23:09,919
Speaker 1: will come in, We'll take away you're eating, disorder, something

421
00:23:09,960 --> 00:23:12,720
Speaker 1: else will come in. There is always something else like

422
00:23:13,520 --> 00:23:15,840
Speaker 1: this can go on forever, and we just call that

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Speaker 1: the whack a mole. And you can only explain addiction

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Speaker 1: by what makes someone addicted to the drug, not the

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Speaker 1: actual drug itself. Okay, And I'm going to explain this

426
00:23:25,760 --> 00:23:27,760
Speaker 1: through myself just to give you guys a little bit

427
00:23:27,800 --> 00:23:33,040
Speaker 1: of context. And I use the example of the hydro

428
00:23:33,119 --> 00:23:36,960
Speaker 1: monster a lot of times with clients and in sessions

429
00:23:36,960 --> 00:23:40,040
Speaker 1: and groups to create a picture of what this looks

430
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Speaker 1: like with the whack a mole. So the hydro monster

431
00:23:43,480 --> 00:23:48,040
Speaker 1: is in like Greek mythology, this monster that had these

432
00:23:48,640 --> 00:23:50,920
Speaker 1: I'm pretty sure it's nine heads, the monster with like

433
00:23:51,000 --> 00:23:54,719
Speaker 1: nine heads, and one was immortal. The problem with that

434
00:23:54,800 --> 00:23:58,040
Speaker 1: monster is that if you just cut off one of

435
00:23:58,080 --> 00:24:00,280
Speaker 1: the heads, not the immortal one, but one of the

436
00:24:00,320 --> 00:24:04,399
Speaker 1: other heads, two more heads would grow from it. And

437
00:24:04,480 --> 00:24:06,359
Speaker 1: so that's what I'm talking about was whack a mole thing.

438
00:24:06,440 --> 00:24:08,119
Speaker 1: It's like we cut one thing off and then something

439
00:24:08,119 --> 00:24:11,640
Speaker 1: else grows, and to kill that monster the only way.

440
00:24:11,640 --> 00:24:14,840
Speaker 1: And I think, like the story is I'm probably getting

441
00:24:14,880 --> 00:24:18,159
Speaker 1: this wrong. Um. Also, this is not Medusa. That's a

442
00:24:18,200 --> 00:24:22,560
Speaker 1: different situation. But um, I think Hercules killed. I don't.

443
00:24:22,840 --> 00:24:25,040
Speaker 1: I shouldn't say that because I really don't know. But

444
00:24:25,280 --> 00:24:27,240
Speaker 1: to kill the hydro monster, you have to cut off

445
00:24:27,280 --> 00:24:30,240
Speaker 1: the immortal head. And so when I look at addiction,

446
00:24:30,320 --> 00:24:32,760
Speaker 1: it's like, we can't just cut off all of these

447
00:24:32,880 --> 00:24:36,480
Speaker 1: vices that we're using. We have to actually cut off

448
00:24:36,800 --> 00:24:39,760
Speaker 1: the immortal head, which is the core, the inside, which

449
00:24:39,840 --> 00:24:43,520
Speaker 1: is where all the shame lives, which is where the environment,

450
00:24:43,920 --> 00:24:48,800
Speaker 1: aspects and the belief system is rooted. And so I'm

451
00:24:48,800 --> 00:24:52,400
Speaker 1: gonna use myself and I look at eating disorders as

452
00:24:52,400 --> 00:24:55,639
Speaker 1: an addiction. So I'm going from an addiction perspective. So

453
00:24:56,119 --> 00:24:57,960
Speaker 1: I'm going to talk about my development of my eating

454
00:24:58,000 --> 00:25:01,560
Speaker 1: disorder and my I developed my disorder. It really started

455
00:25:01,640 --> 00:25:07,360
Speaker 1: in college, the middle end of college. And the thing is,

456
00:25:07,680 --> 00:25:10,440
Speaker 1: I don't think that's really when my stuff started. That's

457
00:25:10,480 --> 00:25:15,240
Speaker 1: just when it became like more problematic and obvious. And

458
00:25:15,400 --> 00:25:18,280
Speaker 1: I was always super, super high performing. I was known

459
00:25:18,320 --> 00:25:20,439
Speaker 1: as the smart kid in my family, which is not

460
00:25:20,520 --> 00:25:23,000
Speaker 1: a bad thing, had high energy. It seemed like I

461
00:25:23,119 --> 00:25:24,520
Speaker 1: always had a lot of friends. I don't know that

462
00:25:24,520 --> 00:25:26,960
Speaker 1: anybody on the outside would really think anything was going on,

463
00:25:27,520 --> 00:25:30,440
Speaker 1: but I had all these vices that I was using

464
00:25:30,480 --> 00:25:33,480
Speaker 1: to make myself feel better. At one point, it was school,

465
00:25:33,760 --> 00:25:37,240
Speaker 1: at one point it was friends or um having certain

466
00:25:37,240 --> 00:25:42,600
Speaker 1: positions in clubs or sororities or whatever, and UM. Then

467
00:25:42,640 --> 00:25:45,879
Speaker 1: it became what my body looked like. And when I

468
00:25:45,920 --> 00:25:51,199
Speaker 1: couldn't when I couldn't be as diligent with um losing

469
00:25:51,280 --> 00:25:54,359
Speaker 1: weight and if things when things stuck kind of started plateauing.

470
00:25:54,680 --> 00:25:58,160
Speaker 1: Then it became working out, and and when it stopped

471
00:25:58,200 --> 00:26:00,560
Speaker 1: being about me being able to maintain this fake body

472
00:26:00,600 --> 00:26:02,280
Speaker 1: that it was like, well, how fast can I run?

473
00:26:02,520 --> 00:26:05,280
Speaker 1: And how long can I run? And how good can

474
00:26:05,320 --> 00:26:08,320
Speaker 1: I be at this workout? And so on and so forth.

475
00:26:08,640 --> 00:26:11,919
Speaker 1: So what I'm saying there is just by going to

476
00:26:12,040 --> 00:26:16,840
Speaker 1: all those different things, it only temporarily solved my problem, right,

477
00:26:16,880 --> 00:26:20,200
Speaker 1: So their solutions that work temporarily. What I was saying

478
00:26:20,200 --> 00:26:22,640
Speaker 1: in the beginning of this whole thing, what I really

479
00:26:22,680 --> 00:26:25,760
Speaker 1: needed to do is go cut off that immortal head,

480
00:26:25,840 --> 00:26:29,679
Speaker 1: which was like the core, uh, the inside of everything

481
00:26:29,840 --> 00:26:32,040
Speaker 1: that all of these things kind of fluttered around and

482
00:26:32,040 --> 00:26:34,120
Speaker 1: tried to fix. And that was me not feeling good

483
00:26:34,200 --> 00:26:38,159
Speaker 1: enough and me not feeling wanted enough. And if I

484
00:26:38,240 --> 00:26:41,080
Speaker 1: kept going on that train, then I'd never be done

485
00:26:41,520 --> 00:26:44,359
Speaker 1: and essentially a running myself into the ground because let's

486
00:26:44,359 --> 00:26:46,880
Speaker 1: say I want a race and I felt like, oh

487
00:26:46,920 --> 00:26:49,760
Speaker 1: my gosh, this I want this race. People think I'm important,

488
00:26:49,800 --> 00:26:52,800
Speaker 1: people think I'm good. Now I gotta keep that up

489
00:26:53,800 --> 00:26:57,200
Speaker 1: or I have this body and now people finally want

490
00:26:57,200 --> 00:26:59,520
Speaker 1: to be my friend and date me and hang out

491
00:26:59,560 --> 00:27:01,399
Speaker 1: with me. But what happens if I don't have this

492
00:27:01,440 --> 00:27:02,879
Speaker 1: body then they won't think that anymore. So I have

493
00:27:02,920 --> 00:27:05,959
Speaker 1: to keep that up. And so when I couldn't keep

494
00:27:06,000 --> 00:27:07,639
Speaker 1: something up, I would go to something else. When I

495
00:27:07,680 --> 00:27:09,480
Speaker 1: couldn't keep that up, I would go to something else,

496
00:27:10,400 --> 00:27:14,920
Speaker 1: essentially again running myself into the ground because every time

497
00:27:14,960 --> 00:27:18,480
Speaker 1: I stopped one of those behaviors, that wasn't the actual problem.

498
00:27:18,560 --> 00:27:21,359
Speaker 1: So remember that episode we did on trauma and the

499
00:27:21,400 --> 00:27:24,520
Speaker 1: body and how they're connected. That was like I think

500
00:27:24,560 --> 00:27:29,840
Speaker 1: two or three episodes ago. Well, in that episode, we

501
00:27:29,840 --> 00:27:32,040
Speaker 1: talked about how the brain is connected to the body,

502
00:27:32,200 --> 00:27:37,040
Speaker 1: therefore it's inseparable. But those two things and the individual

503
00:27:37,119 --> 00:27:41,400
Speaker 1: slash the body is connected to the environment, So that

504
00:27:41,480 --> 00:27:44,919
Speaker 1: means that our brains and our bodies are inseparable from

505
00:27:44,960 --> 00:27:49,720
Speaker 1: our environment. That means they communicate and affect each other.

506
00:27:50,320 --> 00:27:53,520
Speaker 1: But addiction in the general public does not take this

507
00:27:53,600 --> 00:27:57,359
Speaker 1: into account, which drives me cuckoo bananas because again we

508
00:27:57,400 --> 00:28:00,840
Speaker 1: look at these people like they're these bad people that

509
00:28:00,880 --> 00:28:02,880
Speaker 1: are living in this perfect world and how could they

510
00:28:02,880 --> 00:28:04,800
Speaker 1: be doing this and blah blah blah blah, And I'm like,

511
00:28:05,200 --> 00:28:09,080
Speaker 1: wait a second, these people are responding to the world

512
00:28:09,080 --> 00:28:11,560
Speaker 1: that they're living in. What I'm doing is I'm asking

513
00:28:11,600 --> 00:28:13,399
Speaker 1: you guys to take a look at addiction through what

514
00:28:13,560 --> 00:28:19,159
Speaker 1: is called a biopsychosocial perspective. This says that the environment

515
00:28:19,320 --> 00:28:22,040
Speaker 1: is key in our development. It means that our biology

516
00:28:22,080 --> 00:28:27,679
Speaker 1: is shaped by our physiological and social experiences and relationships. Basically,

517
00:28:28,480 --> 00:28:30,280
Speaker 1: if we take all the big words out of that,

518
00:28:30,359 --> 00:28:33,760
Speaker 1: it means that like we are shaped by how we

519
00:28:33,800 --> 00:28:39,840
Speaker 1: experience life. So if we become addicts, it's because something

520
00:28:40,000 --> 00:28:43,560
Speaker 1: is going on in the environment, Because I would not

521
00:28:43,640 --> 00:28:45,840
Speaker 1: be an addict if I grew up in a vacuum

522
00:28:45,880 --> 00:28:50,200
Speaker 1: by myself, with nothing else in the world, what happened? Okay,

523
00:28:50,280 --> 00:28:53,120
Speaker 1: I find this fascinating and it's very super helpful to me.

524
00:28:53,640 --> 00:28:55,960
Speaker 1: And I will say one of the best explanations of

525
00:28:55,960 --> 00:28:59,760
Speaker 1: the biopsychosocial model of addiction is through um Dr gabor

526
00:28:59,840 --> 00:29:02,120
Speaker 1: my taste book in The Realm of Hungry Ghosts. I

527
00:29:02,200 --> 00:29:05,520
Speaker 1: actually learn what I'm about to tell you, UM from him.

528
00:29:05,560 --> 00:29:08,200
Speaker 1: He's a genius and I have been sucked in to

529
00:29:08,520 --> 00:29:12,840
Speaker 1: so many like YouTube deep dives with him. He's so smart,

530
00:29:13,080 --> 00:29:16,400
Speaker 1: so very smart, and some of the stuff that you'll

531
00:29:16,480 --> 00:29:18,760
Speaker 1: hear it might end up being like born you feel

532
00:29:18,760 --> 00:29:21,160
Speaker 1: like you can't pay attention. Take it in small doses

533
00:29:21,200 --> 00:29:24,160
Speaker 1: because that guy is so smart. Dr Gaborn Monte just

534
00:29:24,280 --> 00:29:28,960
Speaker 1: google him. So this comes from him. Um, I learned

535
00:29:28,960 --> 00:29:32,560
Speaker 1: this from him. So he explains that kids whose parents

536
00:29:32,600 --> 00:29:37,040
Speaker 1: are stressed are more likely to have asthma. Okay, what

537
00:29:37,120 --> 00:29:42,600
Speaker 1: do you think asthma is treated with I'm pausing so

538
00:29:42,640 --> 00:29:46,959
Speaker 1: you guys can think, but it's treated with freaking stress hormones.

539
00:29:47,680 --> 00:29:49,520
Speaker 1: And you know what doctors don't do when they diagnosed

540
00:29:49,520 --> 00:29:52,600
Speaker 1: with someone with asthma, They do not ask what's going on?

541
00:29:53,480 --> 00:29:55,719
Speaker 1: We never asked what's going on. But here is a

542
00:29:55,760 --> 00:29:59,920
Speaker 1: perfect example of how our environment shapes are biology the most,

543
00:30:00,000 --> 00:30:02,200
Speaker 1: a little stress of the parent is having an impact

544
00:30:02,840 --> 00:30:06,800
Speaker 1: on the physiology of the child. And I know we

545
00:30:06,800 --> 00:30:10,440
Speaker 1: can argue the disease model all day here, And yes,

546
00:30:10,520 --> 00:30:12,800
Speaker 1: the parents give genes to the kids, but all the

547
00:30:12,880 --> 00:30:14,880
Speaker 1: genes say is we are more prone to it. It

548
00:30:14,920 --> 00:30:17,560
Speaker 1: doesn't mean it happens. The environment is what triggers it

549
00:30:17,640 --> 00:30:21,960
Speaker 1: and makes it happen. So let's dive even deeper here.

550
00:30:22,000 --> 00:30:24,280
Speaker 1: And I'm gonna get a little science, so bear with me,

551
00:30:24,480 --> 00:30:26,240
Speaker 1: but I'm gonna trying to make this as easy to

552
00:30:27,000 --> 00:30:30,440
Speaker 1: digest as possible. So what if, like for a second,

553
00:30:30,440 --> 00:30:32,400
Speaker 1: I want you to look at like this perspective. What

554
00:30:32,440 --> 00:30:34,040
Speaker 1: if we looked at addiction as a way to like

555
00:30:34,120 --> 00:30:38,600
Speaker 1: self medicate. Right, So when I say, when I was

556
00:30:38,640 --> 00:30:41,440
Speaker 1: saying that addiction is a way to find a solution

557
00:30:41,440 --> 00:30:44,680
Speaker 1: to a problem, but then it stops helping eventually, Right,

558
00:30:44,800 --> 00:30:46,880
Speaker 1: So let's look at addiction as a way to self

559
00:30:47,000 --> 00:30:51,080
Speaker 1: medicate that problem. So essentially, what a self medication? It's

560
00:30:51,200 --> 00:30:55,480
Speaker 1: any human behavior in which the human uses a substance

561
00:30:55,640 --> 00:30:58,680
Speaker 1: or any influence outside of ourselves. It could be a

562
00:30:58,720 --> 00:31:03,240
Speaker 1: behavior to sell health. That keyword self administer treatment for

563
00:31:03,360 --> 00:31:07,200
Speaker 1: physical or um psychological problems. So it's just when we

564
00:31:07,320 --> 00:31:10,520
Speaker 1: take something outside of us and we decide to do

565
00:31:10,600 --> 00:31:16,040
Speaker 1: it to treat something that's not working. Okay, addiction self medication,

566
00:31:16,160 --> 00:31:20,800
Speaker 1: that's the definition. Really. So you know Dr Golborne mate

567
00:31:20,840 --> 00:31:24,520
Speaker 1: and one of his studies, he asked people, he's crazy,

568
00:31:24,560 --> 00:31:27,720
Speaker 1: So he asked people, what does the addictive substance do

569
00:31:27,920 --> 00:31:30,920
Speaker 1: for you? And people gave him answers like this, it

570
00:31:30,960 --> 00:31:36,800
Speaker 1: gives me peace, it helps me relax, They allow me

571
00:31:36,880 --> 00:31:45,320
Speaker 1: to connect with people. It took my pain away, and

572
00:31:45,920 --> 00:31:51,160
Speaker 1: y'all these are normal human desires. So what this is

573
00:31:51,200 --> 00:31:55,000
Speaker 1: telling us is the addicted person just wants to be

574
00:31:55,160 --> 00:32:00,520
Speaker 1: and feel like a normal human. That's it. So enter

575
00:32:00,600 --> 00:32:03,120
Speaker 1: the need for self medication. We want to feel like

576
00:32:03,280 --> 00:32:07,840
Speaker 1: normal humans when we are experiencing a world that does

577
00:32:07,880 --> 00:32:14,680
Speaker 1: not feel normal, because our world is not freaking normal. Okay,

578
00:32:15,120 --> 00:32:18,040
Speaker 1: so more science stuff here. Bear with me. If most

579
00:32:18,080 --> 00:32:21,760
Speaker 1: of us have heard of stimulants like and I don't

580
00:32:21,760 --> 00:32:23,720
Speaker 1: know most people know what it is, but I'm gonna

581
00:32:23,760 --> 00:32:27,000
Speaker 1: tell you. So, so it's stimulant includes something um and

582
00:32:27,040 --> 00:32:29,080
Speaker 1: this is not all of the stimulants, but a stimulant

583
00:32:29,080 --> 00:32:33,240
Speaker 1: would include caffeine, nicotine, cocaine, crystal meth. Those are all

584
00:32:33,760 --> 00:32:38,719
Speaker 1: stimulant drugs. What stimulants do is they elevate dopamine. And

585
00:32:38,800 --> 00:32:42,600
Speaker 1: dopamine is an essential neurotransmitter that is known as the

586
00:32:42,760 --> 00:32:45,120
Speaker 1: feel good transmitter. Right, So I just want you to think,

587
00:32:45,160 --> 00:32:49,080
Speaker 1: dopamine feel good, feel good juice. So the brain actually

588
00:32:49,160 --> 00:32:51,600
Speaker 1: naturally releases it when we do things like eat food

589
00:32:51,680 --> 00:32:54,880
Speaker 1: or have sex, and it creates feelings of pleasure and satisfaction.

590
00:32:54,960 --> 00:32:58,040
Speaker 1: It's part of the reward system in our brain. Um

591
00:32:58,120 --> 00:33:01,480
Speaker 1: And so when we use drugs that are stimulants, it

592
00:33:01,600 --> 00:33:04,920
Speaker 1: elevates dopamine. So I want you to hear me say

593
00:33:04,960 --> 00:33:09,840
Speaker 1: that stimulants elevate feel good juice that we normally already

594
00:33:09,880 --> 00:33:12,320
Speaker 1: have in us, or we should have in us, but

595
00:33:12,400 --> 00:33:16,960
Speaker 1: it gives us more. Okay. So also, drugs like cocaine

596
00:33:17,000 --> 00:33:21,040
Speaker 1: or adderall don't just elevate dopamine levels. They also block

597
00:33:21,160 --> 00:33:25,760
Speaker 1: the uptake of serotonin, Okay. So serotonin is a chemical

598
00:33:25,920 --> 00:33:29,440
Speaker 1: that helps mood regulation. So what that would mean is

599
00:33:29,480 --> 00:33:33,600
Speaker 1: that these drugs are giving us excess dopamine, so excess

600
00:33:33,640 --> 00:33:36,720
Speaker 1: feel good juice, and then it's blocking the ability for

601
00:33:36,720 --> 00:33:40,520
Speaker 1: our our brains to regulate. Right, so it's like almost

602
00:33:40,560 --> 00:33:42,880
Speaker 1: like mom, dad aren't home, We're having a party, we

603
00:33:42,880 --> 00:33:46,320
Speaker 1: can do whatever we want kind of thing. So we

604
00:33:46,440 --> 00:33:49,360
Speaker 1: look at drugs of self medication. This makes so much

605
00:33:49,480 --> 00:33:53,240
Speaker 1: sense because people might not know it, but they would

606
00:33:53,280 --> 00:33:55,680
Speaker 1: be using drugs like cocaine to help with their depression. Right.

607
00:33:55,720 --> 00:33:57,600
Speaker 1: Gives me more feel good juice and lets me have

608
00:33:57,640 --> 00:34:00,320
Speaker 1: as much as I want, So if I'm depressed, cocaine

609
00:34:00,360 --> 00:34:02,320
Speaker 1: is really going to help with that. Okay. Also a

610
00:34:02,440 --> 00:34:05,160
Speaker 1: d h D, So a d h D is a

611
00:34:05,200 --> 00:34:09,520
Speaker 1: disease that creates hyperactivity into somebody's brain. It is unknowingly

612
00:34:09,760 --> 00:34:13,880
Speaker 1: self medicated with alcohol and weed. So when I say unknowingly,

613
00:34:14,000 --> 00:34:15,200
Speaker 1: I mean that a lot of people with a d

614
00:34:15,320 --> 00:34:19,520
Speaker 1: h D probably just you know, are addicted to alcohol

615
00:34:19,560 --> 00:34:23,160
Speaker 1: and addicted to weed. Because what alcohol and weed? Marijuana

616
00:34:23,800 --> 00:34:27,879
Speaker 1: professional named marijuana, but they are essential nervous system depressense,

617
00:34:28,320 --> 00:34:31,880
Speaker 1: so they soothe and calm us down. So those things

618
00:34:31,960 --> 00:34:35,440
Speaker 1: are going to calm down a hyperactive brain. So if

619
00:34:35,480 --> 00:34:38,040
Speaker 1: somebody is like, oh up in the world and I

620
00:34:38,080 --> 00:34:40,359
Speaker 1: feel crazy. They're going to use those things and they're

621
00:34:40,360 --> 00:34:43,920
Speaker 1: gonna get stuck on those things because they work the

622
00:34:43,960 --> 00:34:47,319
Speaker 1: same thing we do with like social anxiety and social phobias.

623
00:34:47,680 --> 00:34:49,960
Speaker 1: We use the same kind of stuff. And so okay,

624
00:34:50,080 --> 00:34:55,560
Speaker 1: people self medicate PTSD with opiates. Opiates are pain relators. Okay,

625
00:34:55,600 --> 00:34:57,680
Speaker 1: So remember at the beginning when I said, like why

626
00:34:57,760 --> 00:35:01,719
Speaker 1: the pain? Think about it. Opiates are pain relievers, and

627
00:35:01,800 --> 00:35:06,759
Speaker 1: we are addicted to taking drugs that are pain relievers.

628
00:35:06,960 --> 00:35:08,920
Speaker 1: Why would we have pain? And and I'm not just

629
00:35:08,960 --> 00:35:12,000
Speaker 1: talking about physical pain. So we can get addicted to

630
00:35:12,160 --> 00:35:14,560
Speaker 1: something that that starts with, like when people get addicted

631
00:35:14,600 --> 00:35:17,400
Speaker 1: to prescription drugs, you can get addicted to something that

632
00:35:17,480 --> 00:35:19,479
Speaker 1: starts with like, oh, this is relieving my back pain.

633
00:35:19,800 --> 00:35:23,640
Speaker 1: But this is crazy. Opiates don't just soothe soothe physical

634
00:35:23,719 --> 00:35:26,040
Speaker 1: pain from like a broken lag or a surgery or

635
00:35:26,120 --> 00:35:29,359
Speaker 1: something like that. They soothe emotional pain. And we know

636
00:35:29,480 --> 00:35:33,600
Speaker 1: this because when brain scans, the same part of the

637
00:35:33,640 --> 00:35:37,799
Speaker 1: brain lights up from emotional pain as physical pain. So

638
00:35:37,840 --> 00:35:41,880
Speaker 1: it's working for both things. So one more time for

639
00:35:41,920 --> 00:35:45,239
Speaker 1: the people, like way way way back, the question is

640
00:35:45,280 --> 00:35:47,600
Speaker 1: not why the addiction, It is why are the pain?

641
00:35:47,680 --> 00:35:51,160
Speaker 1: Why are we soothing the pain? If we understand why

642
00:35:51,280 --> 00:35:54,880
Speaker 1: we have pain. We can't look at just a genetic disorder.

643
00:35:55,280 --> 00:35:57,480
Speaker 1: We have to actually look at people's lives. And that's

644
00:35:57,520 --> 00:36:00,320
Speaker 1: what we don't do when it comes to addiction. Okay,

645
00:36:00,360 --> 00:36:03,520
Speaker 1: And so this's just I gets so jazzed up on

646
00:36:03,560 --> 00:36:06,319
Speaker 1: this stuff. But so people a lot of times they're like, well,

647
00:36:06,320 --> 00:36:08,480
Speaker 1: why why do our bodies respond so well to like

648
00:36:08,520 --> 00:36:11,120
Speaker 1: an opiate, like something like why is that? Like, why

649
00:36:11,160 --> 00:36:13,319
Speaker 1: do we have receptors in our brain for opiates? And

650
00:36:13,880 --> 00:36:18,799
Speaker 1: we really don't. We have receptors for things that are

651
00:36:19,120 --> 00:36:23,320
Speaker 1: natural our bodies, natural pain relievers, and those are called endorphins.

652
00:36:23,320 --> 00:36:26,480
Speaker 1: And everybody in their mom has heard about endorphins, right,

653
00:36:26,520 --> 00:36:29,080
Speaker 1: like endorphence made people happy and how people don't kill people.

654
00:36:29,560 --> 00:36:33,520
Speaker 1: But opiates are like the like, not natural form of endorphins.

655
00:36:33,600 --> 00:36:35,719
Speaker 1: And this is I'm giving you science in a very

656
00:36:35,800 --> 00:36:39,239
Speaker 1: non science um way, okay, And so why do we

657
00:36:39,280 --> 00:36:42,240
Speaker 1: have endorphins. What do endorphins do? Well? They relieve pain,

658
00:36:42,360 --> 00:36:45,880
Speaker 1: obviously to and then they help with the stimulation of

659
00:36:45,960 --> 00:36:49,880
Speaker 1: joy and like happiness and elation. And then most importantly,

660
00:36:50,320 --> 00:36:54,600
Speaker 1: they make the like loving interaction specifically between like a

661
00:36:54,680 --> 00:36:56,960
Speaker 1: baby and a and a mom or or a caregiver

662
00:36:57,400 --> 00:37:01,960
Speaker 1: possible because of like how they work full circle. We're

663
00:37:01,960 --> 00:37:05,240
Speaker 1: talking about the ability for attachment and belonging. So without

664
00:37:05,320 --> 00:37:10,440
Speaker 1: attachment and that relationship, there is like there's no life

665
00:37:10,640 --> 00:37:13,319
Speaker 1: like we live, like think about the main desire we

666
00:37:13,360 --> 00:37:16,319
Speaker 1: have is love and belonging. So without attachment, we don't

667
00:37:16,360 --> 00:37:19,560
Speaker 1: have that. So we're gonna be depressed. We're gonna think

668
00:37:19,600 --> 00:37:24,480
Speaker 1: something's wrong with us, especially with babies. So endorphins make

669
00:37:24,520 --> 00:37:27,879
Speaker 1: that attunement interaction possible. So I want to go back

670
00:37:27,880 --> 00:37:29,399
Speaker 1: because Okay, you know I said in the beginning, we're

671
00:37:29,400 --> 00:37:31,680
Speaker 1: gonna come so full circle with that thing that where

672
00:37:31,719 --> 00:37:35,799
Speaker 1: I said, like where I said people have two main

673
00:37:35,920 --> 00:37:40,200
Speaker 1: desires love and belonging to be ourselves. Well right here,

674
00:37:40,280 --> 00:37:42,279
Speaker 1: right here is what I'm talking about. This is where

675
00:37:42,360 --> 00:37:45,480
Speaker 1: things go hair wire. Okay, So if I'm not getting

676
00:37:45,520 --> 00:37:49,560
Speaker 1: that attunement in and that that relationship, like I'm not

677
00:37:49,600 --> 00:37:53,080
Speaker 1: getting that endorphin response in that whatever, I'm having a

678
00:37:53,160 --> 00:37:56,759
Speaker 1: lack of something. So then what's happening is I'm going

679
00:37:56,800 --> 00:38:00,800
Speaker 1: to drop something or pick something up to make that possible.

680
00:38:02,480 --> 00:38:06,319
Speaker 1: So I am going to drop who I am pick

681
00:38:06,440 --> 00:38:10,040
Speaker 1: up something I'm not. That is where this addiction comes in,

682
00:38:10,160 --> 00:38:13,160
Speaker 1: because I'm gonna start using a behavior that it's getting.

683
00:38:13,239 --> 00:38:15,960
Speaker 1: The need meant that already should have been met. So

684
00:38:16,200 --> 00:38:20,080
Speaker 1: heroin is an opiate um. And one of my favorite

685
00:38:20,120 --> 00:38:23,440
Speaker 1: stories also was this episode I should just be titled

686
00:38:23,480 --> 00:38:26,160
Speaker 1: goobor Monte. This comes from him, and I tell the

687
00:38:26,200 --> 00:38:28,520
Speaker 1: story all of the time, and I shared it once

688
00:38:28,560 --> 00:38:30,520
Speaker 1: on the podcast, but I have to share it again

689
00:38:30,560 --> 00:38:34,600
Speaker 1: because it fits so well here. And so he was

690
00:38:34,800 --> 00:38:36,719
Speaker 1: working in a clinic and he asked some people what

691
00:38:36,840 --> 00:38:40,880
Speaker 1: heroin does for you, and one girl said, it feels

692
00:38:40,880 --> 00:38:44,680
Speaker 1: like a warm, soft hug. And then he asked this

693
00:38:44,719 --> 00:38:49,040
Speaker 1: other guy and and he says, big man tattoos. He

694
00:38:49,120 --> 00:38:52,239
Speaker 1: describes I'm like bald guy, like big guy. And he's like,

695
00:38:53,239 --> 00:38:58,080
Speaker 1: what does heroin do for you? And the guy said,

696
00:38:58,200 --> 00:39:02,040
Speaker 1: you know, have you ever been really sick? And your

697
00:39:02,080 --> 00:39:05,840
Speaker 1: mom she she wraps you up in a warm, warm,

698
00:39:05,920 --> 00:39:08,960
Speaker 1: soft blanket. She picks you up, she sits you on

699
00:39:09,040 --> 00:39:11,800
Speaker 1: her lap, and she starts feeding you chicken noodle soup.

700
00:39:13,280 --> 00:39:16,600
Speaker 1: That is what heroin feels like. And ladies and gentlemen,

701
00:39:17,360 --> 00:39:22,919
Speaker 1: that right there is a experience of love feeling of love.

702
00:39:24,880 --> 00:39:27,400
Speaker 1: So what heroin does for them is it makes them

703
00:39:27,400 --> 00:39:30,000
Speaker 1: feel loved and makes them feel connected. They're trying to

704
00:39:30,080 --> 00:39:33,880
Speaker 1: create a primal feeling of love and belonging, a primal

705
00:39:33,920 --> 00:39:36,440
Speaker 1: feeling of good enough. We should be born. We are

706
00:39:36,560 --> 00:39:40,160
Speaker 1: born so egocentric, thinking that the world revolves around us

707
00:39:40,200 --> 00:39:43,439
Speaker 1: and we are the best people ever. The only reason

708
00:39:43,560 --> 00:39:46,080
Speaker 1: we stopped thinking is that that is because we start

709
00:39:46,160 --> 00:39:49,120
Speaker 1: living in a screwed up world, the world that we're

710
00:39:49,160 --> 00:39:51,920
Speaker 1: living in, and life hits us. That world hits us,

711
00:39:52,520 --> 00:39:54,680
Speaker 1: so we stop thinking that we deserve love and along

712
00:39:54,719 --> 00:39:58,400
Speaker 1: and we stopped thinking that we're good enough. And so

713
00:39:58,800 --> 00:40:02,640
Speaker 1: here comes this behavior of your or this drug or

714
00:40:02,680 --> 00:40:05,480
Speaker 1: the substance that makes us feel that. Why wouldn't we

715
00:40:05,520 --> 00:40:11,000
Speaker 1: want that? You cannot blame anybody who just wants to

716
00:40:11,040 --> 00:40:15,759
Speaker 1: feel love, because when you are lacking love and good

717
00:40:15,840 --> 00:40:19,239
Speaker 1: enough and belonging, all bets are off for everything else.

718
00:40:19,280 --> 00:40:21,520
Speaker 1: Because you ask yourself, well, how can addict do that

719
00:40:21,560 --> 00:40:24,480
Speaker 1: when they're hurting so many people? It's like not there,

720
00:40:24,800 --> 00:40:28,359
Speaker 1: that thought is not there. It's not that they don't

721
00:40:28,360 --> 00:40:30,279
Speaker 1: care that they're hurting people, but they are trying to

722
00:40:30,360 --> 00:40:35,359
Speaker 1: get this primal first need met So if I don't

723
00:40:35,400 --> 00:40:37,879
Speaker 1: think I deserve love, then I don't care if I'm

724
00:40:37,920 --> 00:40:41,719
Speaker 1: a shitty person. But the thing is they are not

725
00:40:41,719 --> 00:40:45,200
Speaker 1: shitty people. An addict isn't trying to ruin their lives.

726
00:40:45,239 --> 00:40:48,719
Speaker 1: An addict is self soothing, self medicating, and addict might

727
00:40:48,760 --> 00:40:52,319
Speaker 1: be looking for a way to find love more than

728
00:40:52,360 --> 00:40:54,960
Speaker 1: they're looking for a way to screw ship up and

729
00:40:55,000 --> 00:40:58,279
Speaker 1: screw people's lives up and hurt people. Addicts are not

730
00:40:58,360 --> 00:41:02,160
Speaker 1: bad people in Addiction isn't something that happens because we

731
00:41:02,160 --> 00:41:04,919
Speaker 1: were born this way. Addiction isn't just an addics problem.

732
00:41:05,000 --> 00:41:09,080
Speaker 1: Addiction is everyone's problem because everyone is living in this

733
00:41:09,320 --> 00:41:12,080
Speaker 1: world and we're not living in a world feeling like

734
00:41:12,120 --> 00:41:14,920
Speaker 1: it's broken. We're looking at people and making them broken

735
00:41:15,680 --> 00:41:19,239
Speaker 1: or making up the story that they're broken. That's why

736
00:41:19,239 --> 00:41:21,839
Speaker 1: the chances of relapse increase when like you're really stressed out,

737
00:41:22,080 --> 00:41:25,160
Speaker 1: because obviously, when we're stressed out, we want release, relief.

738
00:41:25,239 --> 00:41:26,800
Speaker 1: So we're gonna go look for something that's going to

739
00:41:26,880 --> 00:41:28,960
Speaker 1: give us that relief. And it's going to take more

740
00:41:28,960 --> 00:41:32,040
Speaker 1: than sobriety for that. It's going to take asking people

741
00:41:32,120 --> 00:41:34,880
Speaker 1: hard questions. It's going to take asking why the pain

742
00:41:35,320 --> 00:41:37,720
Speaker 1: and sitting with someone long enough to hear their answer,

743
00:41:39,320 --> 00:41:40,719
Speaker 1: even if it's not what they want to say, and

744
00:41:40,719 --> 00:41:42,440
Speaker 1: it's not what you want to hear. It's going to

745
00:41:42,560 --> 00:41:45,520
Speaker 1: take healing the inner part of us that made up

746
00:41:45,600 --> 00:41:47,560
Speaker 1: the reason for why we got hurt or why we

747
00:41:47,600 --> 00:41:50,160
Speaker 1: didn't get what we needed in the beginning, and that

748
00:41:50,239 --> 00:41:53,719
Speaker 1: takes more strength, and people think that they have. So

749
00:41:53,760 --> 00:41:55,799
Speaker 1: we have to stop telling each other that we're weak.

750
00:41:55,840 --> 00:41:58,719
Speaker 1: We just stopped telling addicts that they're weak. We just

751
00:41:58,760 --> 00:42:02,040
Speaker 1: start building people up and not bringing hurt people down.

752
00:42:02,640 --> 00:42:04,880
Speaker 1: Because to do the hard work, you have to feel

753
00:42:04,880 --> 00:42:06,480
Speaker 1: like you're strong enough. You have to feel like you

754
00:42:06,560 --> 00:42:09,360
Speaker 1: have what it takes to get through that withdraw period.

755
00:42:10,560 --> 00:42:12,560
Speaker 1: But if addict thinks that they're a week bad person,

756
00:42:12,560 --> 00:42:14,480
Speaker 1: they're also going to think that they can't survive that.

757
00:42:15,920 --> 00:42:18,400
Speaker 1: So I asked you guys on Instagram to send me

758
00:42:18,440 --> 00:42:20,960
Speaker 1: some questions you have about addiction, and I think I

759
00:42:20,960 --> 00:42:23,279
Speaker 1: answered a lot of them in that there was one

760
00:42:23,280 --> 00:42:27,440
Speaker 1: specific question that I didn't answer, and I do want

761
00:42:27,480 --> 00:42:29,440
Speaker 1: to touch on that, and it's how do you support

762
00:42:29,560 --> 00:42:33,160
Speaker 1: somebody who is an addict or somebody who's in recovery?

763
00:42:33,520 --> 00:42:37,080
Speaker 1: And um, there are two different questions but also kind

764
00:42:37,080 --> 00:42:42,799
Speaker 1: of the same so with love. Right, So if all

765
00:42:42,840 --> 00:42:44,560
Speaker 1: of this is because we have this pain of these

766
00:42:44,640 --> 00:42:49,520
Speaker 1: unmet needs, right, or or maybe it's not an unmet need.

767
00:42:49,880 --> 00:42:53,560
Speaker 1: Maybe something hit us in life that then told us

768
00:42:53,600 --> 00:42:55,800
Speaker 1: something about ourselves. So maybe it was a later trauma

769
00:42:55,840 --> 00:42:59,200
Speaker 1: that led to this addiction that told us something about ourselves.

770
00:42:59,600 --> 00:43:01,799
Speaker 1: That's still a lack of love, a lack of love

771
00:43:01,840 --> 00:43:07,719
Speaker 1: for ourselves, because we're we're telling ourselves a story about that, right, So,

772
00:43:08,000 --> 00:43:10,520
Speaker 1: how do you support somebody as you love them even

773
00:43:10,560 --> 00:43:13,600
Speaker 1: when it's really hard, you also have to love yourself.

774
00:43:14,560 --> 00:43:18,040
Speaker 1: So I would really recommend anybody who has um partners

775
00:43:18,080 --> 00:43:20,839
Speaker 1: or family members or friends who are really struggling in

776
00:43:20,880 --> 00:43:24,279
Speaker 1: their recovery process or struggling in their own addiction go

777
00:43:24,400 --> 00:43:27,719
Speaker 1: to alan On. So alan On are their meetings for

778
00:43:27,719 --> 00:43:29,920
Speaker 1: people who are friends and family of addicts, and it's

779
00:43:29,960 --> 00:43:32,480
Speaker 1: super helpful and it helps you create boundaries. It's all

780
00:43:32,520 --> 00:43:35,440
Speaker 1: about boundaries and all that. And also like, how do

781
00:43:35,560 --> 00:43:38,440
Speaker 1: we support somebody through our boundaries. It's not doing the

782
00:43:38,440 --> 00:43:40,920
Speaker 1: work for them because we don't have to do the

783
00:43:40,960 --> 00:43:42,560
Speaker 1: work for them, because we have to show them that

784
00:43:42,560 --> 00:43:45,160
Speaker 1: they're strong enough to do the work. It's stepping back

785
00:43:45,200 --> 00:43:47,759
Speaker 1: from that codependency of let me fix or let me do,

786
00:43:47,960 --> 00:43:50,480
Speaker 1: and let them fix or do, but also love them

787
00:43:50,480 --> 00:43:53,279
Speaker 1: in that process. And I could talk about this for

788
00:43:53,320 --> 00:43:56,879
Speaker 1: another forty five minutes, but that's in a nutshell how

789
00:43:56,920 --> 00:43:58,680
Speaker 1: I really want to end this and what I really

790
00:43:58,680 --> 00:44:01,200
Speaker 1: want to say to close this discussion out about addiction

791
00:44:01,200 --> 00:44:03,799
Speaker 1: and again, like I could sit here and talk about

792
00:44:03,840 --> 00:44:06,319
Speaker 1: this forever because I touched scratch the surface of one

793
00:44:06,360 --> 00:44:08,680
Speaker 1: part of it is the next time you want to

794
00:44:08,719 --> 00:44:13,520
Speaker 1: ship talk someone who's struggling, especially if that person is you,

795
00:44:14,480 --> 00:44:17,319
Speaker 1: I'm going to ask you to think twice. I'm going

796
00:44:17,360 --> 00:44:19,760
Speaker 1: to ask you to ask the question, is that person

797
00:44:19,920 --> 00:44:25,040
Speaker 1: broken or is that person trying to survive the best

798
00:44:25,520 --> 00:44:34,640
Speaker 1: way they know how in a very very broken world. Okay, guys,

799
00:44:34,719 --> 00:44:37,200
Speaker 1: I know that was a kind of a heavier episode.

800
00:44:37,600 --> 00:44:40,000
Speaker 1: Um I was talking to my friend about like, oh,

801
00:44:40,040 --> 00:44:42,920
Speaker 1: like how do I like make this entertaining and and

802
00:44:43,440 --> 00:44:47,680
Speaker 1: add the me humor? And it's like, well, Cat, this

803
00:44:47,800 --> 00:44:50,080
Speaker 1: might not be the episode to add that humor too,

804
00:44:50,120 --> 00:44:53,160
Speaker 1: because addictionarily isn't funny, and none of a lot of

805
00:44:53,160 --> 00:44:55,520
Speaker 1: this stuff we talked about isn't funny. So I hope

806
00:44:55,520 --> 00:44:57,680
Speaker 1: that you that wasn't you guys enjoyed that and you

807
00:44:57,760 --> 00:45:00,479
Speaker 1: got something out of that. Again, feel free to send

808
00:45:00,520 --> 00:45:04,560
Speaker 1: me UM an email question Catherine at You Need Therapy

809
00:45:04,760 --> 00:45:08,160
Speaker 1: podcast dot com. But again, remember that I'm not your

810
00:45:08,440 --> 00:45:11,520
Speaker 1: I can't be your therapist. Well I can, I might

811
00:45:11,520 --> 00:45:14,720
Speaker 1: be some of y'a's therapists. But the questions, if they're general,

812
00:45:14,760 --> 00:45:17,000
Speaker 1: I can answer them, but if I'm giving you therapeutic advice,

813
00:45:17,080 --> 00:45:20,000
Speaker 1: it really crosses like an ethical boundary that UM I

814
00:45:20,040 --> 00:45:22,520
Speaker 1: can't I can't help with. But if you have some

815
00:45:22,560 --> 00:45:24,759
Speaker 1: general questions, send them, shoot them that way, I can

816
00:45:24,760 --> 00:45:27,520
Speaker 1: maybe address them on an episode one day. So I

817
00:45:27,560 --> 00:45:30,720
Speaker 1: hope you like this episode. It's a little shorter than normal,

818
00:45:30,920 --> 00:45:35,279
Speaker 1: and I think that's okay because honestly that the information

819
00:45:35,360 --> 00:45:37,960
Speaker 1: might be a little bit heavier, so it lets you

820
00:45:38,080 --> 00:45:42,120
Speaker 1: digest it a little better. But again, I don't know

821
00:45:42,160 --> 00:45:44,160
Speaker 1: everything there's about addiction, but I do know a lot,

822
00:45:44,280 --> 00:45:46,680
Speaker 1: and I'm really passionate about it, and I'm passionate about

823
00:45:46,760 --> 00:45:50,080
Speaker 1: changing the stigma that comes with addiction, and so that's

824
00:45:50,080 --> 00:45:51,600
Speaker 1: why I really wanted to get on here and talk

825
00:45:51,640 --> 00:45:55,160
Speaker 1: about it. And UM some of the best people I

826
00:45:55,200 --> 00:45:58,279
Speaker 1: know have been addicts, and some of them have found

827
00:45:58,320 --> 00:46:01,840
Speaker 1: recovery and some of them haven't, and there's still some

828
00:46:01,880 --> 00:46:06,040
Speaker 1: of the best people I know. Um, so I just

829
00:46:06,080 --> 00:46:08,880
Speaker 1: wanted to say that, and um, thank you guys for

830
00:46:08,920 --> 00:46:12,800
Speaker 1: tuning in again. I really really appreciate again some announcements.

831
00:46:13,360 --> 00:46:15,880
Speaker 1: The website is up. You need Therapy dot com. It

832
00:46:16,000 --> 00:46:18,359
Speaker 1: is up. Go see it. It's beautiful. I love it.

833
00:46:18,840 --> 00:46:22,920
Speaker 1: And then also the store is up, so go shop

834
00:46:22,960 --> 00:46:27,480
Speaker 1: the store. You can use the code y MT to

835
00:46:27,480 --> 00:46:30,719
Speaker 1: get your discount, and yeah, tell us what things you

836
00:46:30,800 --> 00:46:33,279
Speaker 1: like and like if there's things that you want, Like

837
00:46:34,200 --> 00:46:38,000
Speaker 1: we me and my team designed this stuff ourselves, so

838
00:46:38,280 --> 00:46:40,360
Speaker 1: if there's stuff that you want, let us know. We

839
00:46:40,680 --> 00:46:44,319
Speaker 1: could take that into consideration as well. But um, yeah,

840
00:46:44,360 --> 00:46:46,680
Speaker 1: make sure you check that stuff out. Thank you so

841
00:46:46,760 --> 00:46:51,759
Speaker 1: much for supporting me again. Also, review rate, subscribe. That

842
00:46:51,800 --> 00:46:54,520
Speaker 1: stuff means a lot and it really helps. So if

843
00:46:54,560 --> 00:46:57,160
Speaker 1: you could go, if you're listening to this on especially

844
00:46:57,200 --> 00:46:59,480
Speaker 1: like Apple podcasts, if you could scroll to the bottom

845
00:46:59,480 --> 00:47:02,000
Speaker 1: and just click five stars. And if you really feel

846
00:47:02,040 --> 00:47:03,719
Speaker 1: like you want to show me some love, like write

847
00:47:03,760 --> 00:47:06,720
Speaker 1: a little comment and it doesn't have to be all positive.

848
00:47:06,760 --> 00:47:09,520
Speaker 1: You can do constructive feedback. You also can send me

849
00:47:09,600 --> 00:47:12,480
Speaker 1: constructive feedback in my email Catherine at You Need Therapy

850
00:47:12,520 --> 00:47:15,560
Speaker 1: podcast dot com. So I'm totally open to that, open

851
00:47:15,600 --> 00:47:17,960
Speaker 1: to being better all that stuff. Thank you guys for

852
00:47:18,000 --> 00:47:20,680
Speaker 1: tuning in. And I know I said I was going

853
00:47:20,760 --> 00:47:24,600
Speaker 1: to do a Q and A, but this episode ended

854
00:47:24,640 --> 00:47:28,320
Speaker 1: up being yeah, long and in more like in depth,

855
00:47:28,360 --> 00:47:30,520
Speaker 1: and I thought, so, we're just gonna keep it at this,

856
00:47:30,560 --> 00:47:32,520
Speaker 1: and we might do a whole Q and A episode

857
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Speaker 1: for an entire episode. So um, I'll keep those questions

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Speaker 1: that you guys sent in and I'll use those in

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Speaker 1: the future. But until next time, guys, have a happy week,

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Speaker 1: happy Monday, happy Labor Day, and I'll talk to you

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Speaker 1: SA