WEBVTT - “MY DAD WON’T LEAVE MY BASEMENT” 0:00:02.520 --> 0:00:03.840 Hello, is this the therapy kick? 0:00:04.800 --> 0:00:05.920 Yes? Hi, who is this? 0:00:06.640 --> 0:00:09.360 Oh my goodness, I go by priestess. 0:00:10.080 --> 0:00:12.520 Priestess, what's going on, priestess? How's life? 0:00:14.480 --> 0:00:19.080 Ah? Well, life, it's amazing, but also as it goes, 0:00:19.320 --> 0:00:20.920 there's always craziness going on. 0:00:22.880 --> 0:00:25.920 You texted me and you said that my dad has 0:00:26.000 --> 0:00:30.600 become my basement dweller, and the husband is pissed. 0:00:32.040 --> 0:00:40.000 Yes, essentially, unfortunately, my dad faced a situation where he 0:00:40.640 --> 0:00:45.120 lost his home and in a three day notice, I 0:00:45.200 --> 0:00:49.600 ended up moving him into our house and unfortunately and 0:00:49.680 --> 0:00:52.080 unfinished basement, just because he had nowhere else to go. 0:00:52.880 --> 0:00:57.280 And the husband is it's been three months and he's 0:00:57.320 --> 0:01:01.000 a really get impatient as far as you know, get 0:01:01.000 --> 0:01:04.520 more space back. And we also have a roommate that 0:01:04.600 --> 0:01:07.720 we were in a room too, in one bathroom, so 0:01:10.200 --> 0:01:12.080 kind of a tricky situation. 0:01:12.800 --> 0:01:18.320 Mm hmm. How long has he been there for? You said. 0:01:19.800 --> 0:01:25.679 About three months? And where I'm struggling and why I 0:01:25.800 --> 0:01:29.160 joke and like affectionately like I love my dad. There 0:01:29.160 --> 0:01:32.800 has been many many years of like he was my 0:01:32.880 --> 0:01:36.000 best friend for a lot of it. I had divorced 0:01:36.040 --> 0:01:41.959 parents and that always creates a tricky situation. There's been 0:01:42.000 --> 0:01:44.080 some good times, but there's also been some really low 0:01:44.160 --> 0:01:46.960 low especially between me and my dad. So it's been 0:01:47.040 --> 0:01:49.640 like tough for me. My husband is definitely pissed, but 0:01:49.640 --> 0:01:52.040 it's been a little tough for me and sometimes triggering 0:01:52.080 --> 0:01:56.680 because like, you know, I guess I've forgiven him my 0:01:56.800 --> 0:01:59.720 dad for some things, and I sincerely do want to 0:01:59.720 --> 0:02:02.000 help him, but at the same time, I feel like 0:02:02.280 --> 0:02:05.400 some things aren't being respected, like it's like, you know, 0:02:05.440 --> 0:02:09.200 it's my space, so that they're that weird dynamic of yeah, 0:02:09.400 --> 0:02:13.040 like trying to deal with that and like wanting to 0:02:13.080 --> 0:02:15.800 help him also not because he's kind of not in 0:02:16.080 --> 0:02:18.920 like I don't think he's really left even his house 0:02:19.000 --> 0:02:23.720 much for ten years, and trying to tell somebody because 0:02:23.760 --> 0:02:25.959 he was a caretaker for my grandma, and trying to 0:02:25.960 --> 0:02:29.600 tell somebody like, oh, yeah, I know you, you know, you're 0:02:29.639 --> 0:02:32.320 not used to just being in society and stuff much, 0:02:32.360 --> 0:02:36.440 but like you gotta get a job and figure stuff out. 0:02:36.720 --> 0:02:42.000 Like I've tried helping him by helping him jobs. They're 0:02:42.000 --> 0:02:43.720 just trying to help him get medical stuff, trying to 0:02:44.560 --> 0:02:48.000 do things in like a nice way, and that doesn't 0:02:48.000 --> 0:02:50.720 seem to help. So I'm kind of stuck in a 0:02:50.760 --> 0:02:53.960 tough place because I understand, like it's got to be 0:02:54.200 --> 0:02:56.839 like I just had a baby same time he moved 0:02:56.880 --> 0:03:02.480 in pretty much or first, and like, uh, it's it's 0:03:02.520 --> 0:03:06.080 like I want to help, but also boundaries and I 0:03:06.120 --> 0:03:08.160 got to put my husband and my baby first. 0:03:09.160 --> 0:03:13.800 Mm hmm does he So what has he been doing that? Like? 0:03:14.160 --> 0:03:17.320 Is uh is disrespecting the boundaries? 0:03:19.360 --> 0:03:23.960 Well, like, uh, there was an instance of you know, 0:03:24.200 --> 0:03:25.960 some things that are out of place or not done 0:03:26.000 --> 0:03:29.880 a certain way that the husband likes, and you know, 0:03:29.919 --> 0:03:32.520 I try to communicate it to the husband or to 0:03:32.600 --> 0:03:36.320 my father and he kind of gets this attitude of like, 0:03:36.440 --> 0:03:39.000 oh we did just talking to me himself and like 0:03:39.440 --> 0:03:41.440 you know, he's being a bitch or something. I'm like, WHOA, 0:03:41.680 --> 0:03:44.440 first of all, don't even say that, like I want 0:03:44.480 --> 0:03:46.600 to like chicken myriad. Then when he said something like that, 0:03:46.680 --> 0:03:51.960 but you know, or or just like some things in 0:03:52.000 --> 0:03:56.400 the past have come up, like I just want to 0:03:56.400 --> 0:03:59.200 start off with like the reason I give my dad 0:03:59.240 --> 0:04:01.600 she and stuff, it's because he has built the foundation 0:04:01.720 --> 0:04:03.840 in me as a person to be a strong person 0:04:04.000 --> 0:04:06.520 and loving towards people and things. But like on the 0:04:06.560 --> 0:04:10.040 other side, sometimes I suspect maybe he's like got something 0:04:10.160 --> 0:04:14.400 like not to diagnose or anything, but like bipolar or 0:04:14.840 --> 0:04:20.239 something going on. Yeah, And because on the other side, 0:04:20.320 --> 0:04:23.920 like you know, when I was living with my grandma 0:04:23.960 --> 0:04:26.280 and him, like it got so bad that I couldn't 0:04:26.279 --> 0:04:28.520 even be in my house because, yeah, I would be 0:04:28.640 --> 0:04:30.599 late from work and he would suspect that I was 0:04:31.160 --> 0:04:34.920 hanging out with friends or a guy that he thought 0:04:34.960 --> 0:04:36.720 I was dating at the time, which was just a 0:04:36.720 --> 0:04:39.760 friend I wasn't dating and wasn't and so like I'd 0:04:39.760 --> 0:04:42.920 come home to my shit torn up and like being 0:04:43.000 --> 0:04:48.800 called you know words, which it was pretty bad. It 0:04:48.839 --> 0:04:52.120 got like that's the toxic part of and so he 0:04:52.320 --> 0:04:55.960 like where I feel disrespected? Is it came up once 0:04:56.160 --> 0:04:57.720 he said, well I had to do that to get 0:04:57.720 --> 0:04:59.359 you out of the house. And I'm like, like I 0:04:59.360 --> 0:05:00.880 had to be just like, okay, you need to leave 0:05:00.880 --> 0:05:03.159 my space because I'm about to go off on you 0:05:03.279 --> 0:05:06.160 because that like you could just tell me to move out. 0:05:06.240 --> 0:05:07.640 You didn't need to do all that. 0:05:08.839 --> 0:05:14.960 Mm hmm Okay, So like do you confront him about 0:05:14.960 --> 0:05:17.039 this stuff? Do you say, like, hey, you can't be 0:05:17.120 --> 0:05:19.080 doing this ship you gotta if you're gonna stay with me. 0:05:19.160 --> 0:05:21.159 You gotta do X, Y and Z. 0:05:24.360 --> 0:05:27.080 Yes. I I well, I should say I should. I 0:05:27.200 --> 0:05:30.720 try to, but I feel like I get talked at 0:05:30.760 --> 0:05:32.719 and interrupted, like I never get a chance to just 0:05:32.760 --> 0:05:38.359 sit down and actually say it, you know, or like 0:05:38.960 --> 0:05:41.280 maybe like even when I do get moments of being 0:05:41.320 --> 0:05:47.240 able to say it, it's like I'm being listened to to. Like, 0:05:47.520 --> 0:05:49.480 of course he's gonna be defensive. I mean, he wouldn't 0:05:49.480 --> 0:05:54.000 be when somebody's coming at you like that to where 0:05:54.000 --> 0:05:57.920 it's it's not getting received, if that makes sense. 0:05:58.720 --> 0:06:04.080 Yeah, so he's not receiving it at all, or he's 0:06:04.080 --> 0:06:05.240 like yelling at you. 0:06:06.800 --> 0:06:10.760 Right exactly, and like, so I don't. I mean, I 0:06:10.800 --> 0:06:13.440 know what everyone's gonna say. I know it's like just 0:06:13.560 --> 0:06:18.240 kick him out for everything, but it's I just I 0:06:18.240 --> 0:06:20.000 don't feel right about it. 0:06:19.279 --> 0:06:22.120 I get it, I get it. I know, I get it. 0:06:22.120 --> 0:06:24.560 I mean I'm not gonna well, of course, listen. Of 0:06:24.560 --> 0:06:26.600 course it's easy to say just kick him out. Of 0:06:26.640 --> 0:06:28.160 course it's easy to say it's just kick him out. 0:06:28.240 --> 0:06:30.239 But it's easy for me to say and for everyone 0:06:30.240 --> 0:06:35.880 else to say because it's not our fucking dad. You know, 0:06:36.240 --> 0:06:37.960 it's almost like it's like, well, if you're in an 0:06:38.000 --> 0:06:40.200 abusive relationship or something, why not just leave, you know. 0:06:40.240 --> 0:06:44.160 And it's like, well, there's so much like emotional quotent 0:06:44.960 --> 0:06:48.479 behind the logistics of it, and the emotions of it 0:06:48.520 --> 0:06:54.200 are a lot more murky. But to continue with logistics, 0:06:54.240 --> 0:07:00.679 I suppose I mean, how old is your dad? 0:07:03.360 --> 0:07:06.440 He just turned fifty five, okay? 0:07:06.440 --> 0:07:07.120 And does he work? 0:07:09.040 --> 0:07:09.200 No? 0:07:11.200 --> 0:07:12.800 Is he disabled. 0:07:14.080 --> 0:07:19.040 In it? Yes? Actually in some ways not fully, but 0:07:19.440 --> 0:07:23.520 like his back and Necker feels so bad that like 0:07:23.600 --> 0:07:26.360 he can't even turn his next sort of thing, yes, 0:07:27.800 --> 0:07:31.080 and like his eyesight, like that's another thing, is like 0:07:31.560 --> 0:07:33.800 diabetes is really bad and things are going on, but 0:07:34.160 --> 0:07:37.240 he's also where it's making it hard. It's he's very 0:07:37.320 --> 0:07:40.679 much not wanting to go to doctors because it feels 0:07:40.720 --> 0:07:42.160 like he can't trust them. They just want to pump 0:07:42.160 --> 0:07:44.760 them full drugs, which I agree with him to some points, 0:07:44.760 --> 0:07:46.440 but it gets to a point where like, oh, well, 0:07:46.440 --> 0:07:48.960 you didn't make the healthy choices you needed to prevent 0:07:49.040 --> 0:07:52.760 it from becoming worse, you know, and now you put 0:07:52.800 --> 0:07:55.120 your spot on yourself in the spot where it's either 0:07:55.240 --> 0:08:00.040 medicine or like literally lose some lens man like. And 0:08:01.320 --> 0:08:05.720 so I mean he is working towards getting possibly help 0:08:05.800 --> 0:08:09.760 with that stuff, but only because I really really pushed 0:08:09.760 --> 0:08:12.320 it or I have to like initiate. H. 0:08:12.520 --> 0:08:16.040 You know, is he is he? Do we know if 0:08:16.040 --> 0:08:20.160 he's eligible to receive any kind of government assistance? Like? 0:08:20.280 --> 0:08:20.440 Is he? 0:08:20.520 --> 0:08:22.880 That? Is it that bad? 0:08:24.800 --> 0:08:27.960 That's what we're looking into. I don't know. I mean 0:08:28.000 --> 0:08:30.240 I think it is, because I mean the man like 0:08:30.720 --> 0:08:33.040 he's at eight out of ten pain all the time, 0:08:33.120 --> 0:08:39.599 you know, And so yeah, I'm looking into that. But 0:08:39.640 --> 0:08:41.839 I'm also like trying to look into jobs where it 0:08:41.880 --> 0:08:44.280 would be low impact, because it's not not only just 0:08:44.600 --> 0:08:47.520 job for money and supporting yourself, but there's some mental 0:08:47.520 --> 0:08:49.920 aspect too, you know, if you want accomplished, getting your 0:08:49.960 --> 0:08:53.000 confidence back and a purpose and being around people again. 0:08:53.520 --> 0:08:56.800 Of course, yeah, you know, I I know. I guess 0:08:56.840 --> 0:08:58.640 the reason why I go to government stuff first is 0:08:58.679 --> 0:09:02.120 because it's like what's your name again? I'm sorry, I 0:09:02.200 --> 0:09:07.520 fucking suck with names, no worries priestess, priestess. H Well, 0:09:07.559 --> 0:09:11.280 because priestess, here's the thing. Uh, you know, it's great 0:09:12.200 --> 0:09:16.000 that your dad has done so much for you and 0:09:16.160 --> 0:09:20.240 you're a clear you are clearly a really sweet, caring 0:09:20.760 --> 0:09:24.600 person and your family is important to you. But also 0:09:24.840 --> 0:09:28.480 like you have your own life, like you have a 0:09:28.520 --> 0:09:30.560 fucking you just had a fucking kid. Is it your 0:09:30.559 --> 0:09:34.760 first kid? Yes, like you just had your first kid, 0:09:35.040 --> 0:09:36.559 you know what I mean. And I'm sure that's the 0:09:36.600 --> 0:09:38.200 pain in the Like you have your own life, you 0:09:38.200 --> 0:09:42.920 have your own things to tend to. And I understand 0:09:42.920 --> 0:09:44.839 that you care a lot about your dad and it's 0:09:44.880 --> 0:09:46.839 not and it's totally not as easy as just kick 0:09:46.880 --> 0:09:50.200 him out, but like, uh, it's really fucking hard, but 0:09:50.360 --> 0:09:56.920 your dad has to be like your dad's gottah at 0:09:57.000 --> 0:10:00.439 least like respect you. You know, he's got a least 0:10:00.720 --> 0:10:03.840 give you something because if he's just gonna like be 0:10:04.040 --> 0:10:07.920 the tyrant ruler of the house, like he just can't 0:10:07.960 --> 0:10:12.079 fucking do that. I mean, it's a it's a it's 0:10:12.120 --> 0:10:14.640 a it's a disrespect to to you. It's a respect 0:10:14.640 --> 0:10:17.880 to your fucking kid that he's taken away attention from 0:10:17.920 --> 0:10:19.640 because you got you got to be there for your kid, 0:10:19.679 --> 0:10:21.160 but instead you're worrying about your dad. 0:10:21.840 --> 0:10:22.160 Uh. 0:10:22.200 --> 0:10:24.400 And you're a nice person. But also also you you 0:10:24.400 --> 0:10:27.240 have you have you have a fine night amount of 0:10:27.360 --> 0:10:33.600 time and energy and whatever, and so you know, I 0:10:33.640 --> 0:10:36.240 it's not easy, but it's some At a certain point 0:10:36.640 --> 0:10:38.520 you gotta be like, Dad, listen to you. Either you 0:10:38.600 --> 0:10:42.400 have to like like you gotta do something, or else 0:10:42.520 --> 0:10:45.840 you have to like there's got to be something or 0:10:45.840 --> 0:10:49.199 else he's just gonna keep fucking walking all over you. 0:10:49.840 --> 0:10:54.040 And you know, for the sake of your kid and everything, 0:10:54.200 --> 0:10:56.920 he just can't let that happen. I know it's hard. 0:10:58.240 --> 0:11:00.880 Yeah, it's it is hard because there there is also 0:11:01.000 --> 0:11:04.560 like the piece of I do work from home, and like, 0:11:04.840 --> 0:11:08.960 you know sometimes because I'm going for trying not to 0:11:09.000 --> 0:11:12.440 have to get childcare because it's stuff like two thousand 0:11:12.480 --> 0:11:17.520 a month. It's insane and we just can't like deal 0:11:17.559 --> 0:11:21.319 with the morganize things. Really can't swing that. But you 0:11:21.400 --> 0:11:24.520 know it's helpful sometimes like that he can watch her 0:11:25.559 --> 0:11:32.079 like and like the the other piece of it is too, 0:11:32.559 --> 0:11:36.160 Like I mentioned, my husband Bret pissed and I'm really 0:11:36.200 --> 0:11:36.880 trying to work. 0:11:37.320 --> 0:11:40.920 Yeah, what's your husband's deal? What's he said? He's pissed off? 0:11:40.920 --> 0:11:42.640 What's he what's he have to say? What are his 0:11:42.760 --> 0:11:44.360 like solutions or thoughts? 0:11:45.920 --> 0:11:48.079 Yeah, well, his his solution is out on the street. 0:11:49.880 --> 0:11:54.480 But that it's not stemming necessarily from the like just 0:11:55.000 --> 0:11:58.360 being here. It's more so for him as there's he's 0:11:58.400 --> 0:12:01.199 holding a lot onto some paths because like while we 0:12:01.200 --> 0:12:04.280 were dating and stuff, he I was I think there 0:12:04.360 --> 0:12:06.240 was a two year time I wasn't speaking to my 0:12:06.320 --> 0:12:09.480 dad and during the time we were dating, I was 0:12:09.480 --> 0:12:12.559 trying to reconnect with my dad because my grandma had 0:12:12.600 --> 0:12:17.199 passed away, and like it was a lot of phone 0:12:17.200 --> 0:12:20.800 calls of me on the phone getting screamed at and 0:12:20.800 --> 0:12:24.600 then like like crying for an hour afterward. 0:12:24.640 --> 0:12:26.920 And my husband was the one that had to see 0:12:26.960 --> 0:12:28.560 the one holding together. 0:12:29.040 --> 0:12:34.400 Yeah, your husband, Your husband watched you you your husband 0:12:34.520 --> 0:12:39.240 watched you attempt to get back your Your husband watched 0:12:39.280 --> 0:12:42.840 you attempt to rebuild your relationship with your dad. Uh, 0:12:42.880 --> 0:12:45.199 and he watched your dad scream at you and make 0:12:45.240 --> 0:12:45.679 you cry. 0:12:46.880 --> 0:12:49.520 Yeah, so he holds a lot. 0:12:49.280 --> 0:12:51.440 Of that, Yeah, I'm sure. 0:12:51.520 --> 0:12:55.440 And then which understandably, I love him for that, I 0:12:55.480 --> 0:12:59.120 really do, And I just I was like, can you 0:12:59.200 --> 0:13:01.679 try to please forget him for that, because I understand 0:13:01.880 --> 0:13:05.880 you're not wrong in feeling that way, but you got 0:13:05.880 --> 0:13:08.520 to understand somebody is not functioning from a healthy place. 0:13:08.520 --> 0:13:10.680 And at the time I took that stuff, because you know, 0:13:11.240 --> 0:13:14.800 like he was very much my father in the mind 0:13:14.840 --> 0:13:16.280 frame of like I don't even want to live his 0:13:16.400 --> 0:13:18.680 life anymore. So for me, it felt like a battle 0:13:18.679 --> 0:13:23.480 of just fighting for his life, you know, which doesn't 0:13:23.480 --> 0:13:27.600 make it okay. I didn't deserve it. I recognize all that, 0:13:29.960 --> 0:13:31.640 but you know, I've been a shitty person times in 0:13:31.679 --> 0:13:34.360 my life, and and it sometimes it just takes people 0:13:34.800 --> 0:13:36.240 being there in your low lows, you know. 0:13:38.480 --> 0:13:42.000 But at a and I get that, right, but also 0:13:42.040 --> 0:13:49.439 at a certain point, it's like you it's you're it's 0:13:49.640 --> 0:13:52.600 very kind of you again to offer your dad this forgiveness, 0:13:52.640 --> 0:13:56.320 but you have, but he has to, like he's got 0:13:56.320 --> 0:14:01.000 to do something to right can continue to be in 0:14:01.080 --> 0:14:03.959 your life, you know, because if he's not, he's got 0:14:04.000 --> 0:14:07.559 to hold up here. You're you're you're struggling so hard. 0:14:08.520 --> 0:14:13.520 You're like like you're given so much, priestess, Like you're 0:14:13.679 --> 0:14:18.200 just giving so much. And if he's giving and he 0:14:18.480 --> 0:14:22.720 can't just give you nothing. He can't just give you 0:14:22.880 --> 0:14:29.240 nothing and then blame it on whatever he's gonna blame 0:14:29.280 --> 0:14:32.120 it on. He just can't. He can't give you nothing. 0:14:32.920 --> 0:14:35.520 That's why your husband hates him, is because he's watching 0:14:35.600 --> 0:14:38.360 you because if you're because if your dad, if your 0:14:38.440 --> 0:14:41.480 dad was in like my name is Earl Mode or whatever, 0:14:41.520 --> 0:14:44.400 and he's brought brought you a fucking fruit basket and 0:14:44.440 --> 0:14:47.160 he's like, hey, I'm sorry. I know I was a 0:14:47.200 --> 0:14:51.040 dick in the past, and I I really I want 0:14:51.080 --> 0:14:52.800 to get back into the good graces of you and 0:14:52.840 --> 0:14:54.720 your family. I want to be there with my grandson. 0:14:54.920 --> 0:14:58.000 I want to be there with your husband, and I 0:14:58.120 --> 0:15:00.440 want to do this and that, and I thank you 0:15:00.560 --> 0:15:04.520 so fucking thanking you every fucking day for letting you, uh, 0:15:05.200 --> 0:15:07.680 letting him live in your house and being like I 0:15:07.720 --> 0:15:10.000 have a plant, like it like that because it's you. 0:15:10.520 --> 0:15:13.400 That's why you're your husband's having a hard time forgiving 0:15:13.440 --> 0:15:17.360 him is because he's not like for because he's your dad. 0:15:17.400 --> 0:15:20.080 Your dad's like, from what you're telling me, your dad's 0:15:20.120 --> 0:15:24.840 not even asking for forgiveness. He's just continuing, you know 0:15:24.880 --> 0:15:26.680 what I mean. So it's like, how can you even 0:15:26.680 --> 0:15:29.920 give forgiveness that he's not even asking for And by 0:15:29.960 --> 0:15:34.080 the way, this all sucks. I'm really sorry to hear that. 0:15:34.120 --> 0:15:40.600 There's no like great amazing advice or solution that doesn't 0:15:40.640 --> 0:15:43.840 make any of this uh, suck a lot and be 0:15:43.960 --> 0:15:48.440 really hard, but I just at a certain point, you 0:15:48.520 --> 0:15:51.520 got to figure out where your uh where your limits are, 0:15:52.200 --> 0:15:54.280 you know. And I don't know if that means throwing 0:15:54.320 --> 0:16:01.000 him out on the street necessarily, but uh, you know something, 0:16:01.080 --> 0:16:04.000 I mean, what what what's out there? Right? Like, I 0:16:04.000 --> 0:16:08.360 don't you know is he eligible for government assistants? And 0:16:08.400 --> 0:16:10.120 you're like, well, I want him to have a job 0:16:10.160 --> 0:16:12.160 and have all this, you know, actually kind of get 0:16:12.160 --> 0:16:13.960 back himself out there, and well, well, he has to 0:16:14.000 --> 0:16:15.920 want to fucking do that, you know. And if he 0:16:15.960 --> 0:16:17.760 wants to fuck he has to want to do that, 0:16:17.800 --> 0:16:20.800 he has to want to improve his life. And you 0:16:20.840 --> 0:16:28.840 can't make him want to improve his life then, and 0:16:28.880 --> 0:16:30.800 you also can't and also you've got to be there 0:16:31.600 --> 0:16:34.840 for yourself and your kid and your hut, and like 0:16:34.880 --> 0:16:37.040 you got to be there for your life, and you 0:16:37.160 --> 0:16:40.400 only have and you you we only have enough energy 0:16:40.480 --> 0:16:45.720 for like so much, you know, and you your energy. 0:16:46.280 --> 0:16:51.560 I don't think it can continue to expand outside of 0:16:51.600 --> 0:16:55.800 your own life at this point. And I know that's 0:16:55.840 --> 0:16:58.760 really hard, but I hope, I hope it gives you 0:16:58.800 --> 0:16:59.920 something to think about. 0:17:00.120 --> 0:17:02.280 Least it does. 0:17:02.160 --> 0:17:07.080 I I appreciate it. I try to operate humbly as 0:17:07.119 --> 0:17:09.320 a person, and like I don't, I don't stay in 0:17:09.320 --> 0:17:11.640 the mind frame of I'm giving so much. I mean, 0:17:11.960 --> 0:17:13.800 I am a personal faith. So for me, it's like, well, 0:17:13.800 --> 0:17:17.440 it's not mine to begin with, but it's I guess 0:17:17.480 --> 0:17:22.160 it helps. You're making me realize, like especially the energy spending, 0:17:22.200 --> 0:17:26.320 because it's true, like a lot of my joy and 0:17:26.640 --> 0:17:30.040 things were robbed in the process of being pregnant and stuff, 0:17:30.080 --> 0:17:31.920 just because I was worried about him becoming homeless. 0:17:32.000 --> 0:17:36.640 And you said, you said it wasn't yours to begin with. 0:17:37.040 --> 0:17:41.400 Is that like, I've been endowed by God with all 0:17:41.480 --> 0:17:43.760 that I am and it was never mine to begin with. 0:17:45.280 --> 0:17:49.240 Yeah, in the sense of like like for me, I 0:17:49.840 --> 0:17:54.119 grew up in poverty with my new worst parents, and 0:17:54.880 --> 0:17:58.080 you know, I tried some college because there was a 0:17:58.119 --> 0:18:00.840 program where, like your last two years of high school, 0:18:00.840 --> 0:18:05.479 you can go into college early. And I just didn't 0:18:05.520 --> 0:18:09.560 know exactly what I was wanting to do with my life. 0:18:09.720 --> 0:18:11.320 I was going to family law that there was a 0:18:11.359 --> 0:18:13.160 little bit of passion there because of what I dealt 0:18:13.160 --> 0:18:16.600 with growing up. But yeah, I just kind of fell 0:18:16.640 --> 0:18:22.600 off and just went out lived my life and unfortunately 0:18:24.040 --> 0:18:28.480 I had a really bad accident at my work where 0:18:29.520 --> 0:18:35.920 I basically fell head first at least ten feet and 0:18:36.359 --> 0:18:39.200 like woke up, couldn't like I don't remember anything. I 0:18:39.240 --> 0:18:41.160 couldn't even be in a room with lights or sound 0:18:41.320 --> 0:18:46.520 or I am lucky I didn't die. And so like 0:18:47.640 --> 0:18:54.360 I used to be an incredibly high functioning person and 0:18:54.400 --> 0:18:58.639 like now I really struggle with a lot of things 0:18:58.680 --> 0:19:01.719 like just stopping this or or what have you. But like, 0:19:01.920 --> 0:19:06.199 despite my struggles, I still have work because like I 0:19:06.240 --> 0:19:08.840 could have probably gone disability, but I didn't want to, 0:19:09.880 --> 0:19:12.760 Like I rather if I can offer something, you know, 0:19:12.960 --> 0:19:16.000 I wanted to be, you know, be able to support 0:19:16.000 --> 0:19:19.720 myself and not be limited in any way as possible. 0:19:19.960 --> 0:19:22.840 And thankfully I have a very wonderful workplace that allows 0:19:22.880 --> 0:19:29.719 that in flexibility for me. And despite my shortcomings, I 0:19:29.760 --> 0:19:32.240 somehow have made it into a pretty good position. And 0:19:32.600 --> 0:19:36.119 like the level of my life, my husband and my 0:19:36.240 --> 0:19:38.359 house was a whole miracle in itself. How that was 0:19:38.359 --> 0:19:41.280 obtained because by no means with what we make should 0:19:41.280 --> 0:19:45.359 we have any business being owners. But you know, it's 0:19:45.400 --> 0:19:47.520 it also in place in ways where I'm just like 0:19:47.840 --> 0:19:51.439 and I personally have experience where I like, I know 0:19:51.720 --> 0:19:56.520 God is true to where like spiritual experiences and it's 0:19:56.640 --> 0:19:59.960 just like I've that's where I'm operating from. Is I'm 0:20:00.320 --> 0:20:03.800 and there's none of what I have I obtained myself. 0:20:03.840 --> 0:20:05.159 You know, I've been blessed. 0:20:05.200 --> 0:20:07.760 Sure, sure, I understand what you mean, but I understand 0:20:07.800 --> 0:20:12.680 what you I understand what you mean when you say 0:20:12.720 --> 0:20:16.879 that nothing that you have you achieved on your I 0:20:16.960 --> 0:20:21.320 understand where you draw that conclusion. And I feel that way, 0:20:22.119 --> 0:20:24.639 that's a very because I've I've lost myself in a 0:20:24.640 --> 0:20:29.600 lot of like deterministic things and that of like so 0:20:29.680 --> 0:20:31.320 I don't know why I am the way I am, 0:20:31.359 --> 0:20:34.440 and like very like existential shit that gets you to 0:20:34.480 --> 0:20:41.560 that point of like feeling like everything you had was 0:20:41.600 --> 0:20:45.320 not yours. I'm gonna say this, it makes sense that 0:20:45.359 --> 0:20:47.560 you're a woman of faith because the way in which 0:20:47.560 --> 0:20:54.680 you operate strikes me as very christ like. But here's 0:20:54.720 --> 0:21:01.840 the problem is that being Jesus sucks. I mean, yeah, 0:21:02.000 --> 0:21:05.800 being Jesus uh sucks ass. I mean he has to 0:21:05.840 --> 0:21:10.919 carry a giant thing for one thousand miles and then 0:21:10.960 --> 0:21:14.879 they nail him to the cross and he just sits 0:21:14.920 --> 0:21:21.280 there and dies for you know, for what you know? Well, 0:21:21.400 --> 0:21:23.479 I I don't know the f I've never read the Bible. 0:21:23.520 --> 0:21:28.040 But being I do know that being Jesus sucks. And 0:21:28.080 --> 0:21:31.119 I just want you to know something. It's it's uh, 0:21:31.600 --> 0:21:34.960 it's noble. The way you operate your life, it's really noble. 0:21:35.400 --> 0:21:38.959 You give a lot for your family and for the world. 0:21:39.400 --> 0:21:43.040 But just so like, you don't have to be Jesus. 0:21:43.680 --> 0:21:48.760 Let me, let me be. I think in the Last 0:21:49.000 --> 0:21:52.880 uh what, there's some fucking movie my dad told me about. 0:21:52.880 --> 0:21:54.840 I've never seen it, but and it's like the Last 0:21:54.840 --> 0:21:58.680 Temptation of Christ or something like that. Jesus is he's 0:21:58.720 --> 0:22:02.600 hanging on the cross and a little girl comes up 0:22:02.600 --> 0:22:05.320 to him and like takes him down. That little girl, 0:22:05.480 --> 0:22:06.760 I think in the movie it turns out to be 0:22:06.840 --> 0:22:08.760 the devil or whatever. But let me but pretending like 0:22:09.040 --> 0:22:13.320 that didn't happen. Okay, forgetting about that part. Let me 0:22:13.400 --> 0:22:17.680 be the devil in this Canara and and say, hey, 0:22:17.720 --> 0:22:19.639 you know, and that's what your husband's trying to do. 0:22:19.680 --> 0:22:21.760 He's trying to be the devil, the good devil. You 0:22:21.800 --> 0:22:24.600 get what I mean. I'm I'm losing this, but okay, 0:22:24.840 --> 0:22:27.720 and he's trying to your husband. You're trying to be 0:22:27.840 --> 0:22:31.240 Jesus right now, and your husband is like trying to 0:22:31.280 --> 0:22:33.800 take you off the cross and be like, hey, you 0:22:33.840 --> 0:22:36.520 don't have to be Jesus. You can go back to 0:22:37.960 --> 0:22:40.880 what Nazareth and we can have a life and hang 0:22:40.920 --> 0:22:42.840 out with our kid. You know, you don't have to 0:22:42.880 --> 0:22:45.960 be the save You don't have to be the Messiah 0:22:46.040 --> 0:22:54.760 for your father, you know what I mean. So I'll 0:22:54.840 --> 0:22:56.720 let go the sentiment of your husband and say, it's 0:22:56.800 --> 0:22:58.480 very nice of you that you're trying to be Jesus, 0:22:58.520 --> 0:23:01.439 but you really don't have to be Jesus. And uh, 0:23:01.480 --> 0:23:03.800 for the sake of your for the sake of yourself 0:23:04.440 --> 0:23:07.280 and the sake of your baby, you just you don't 0:23:07.320 --> 0:23:13.720 have to be Jesus. You can just be priestess, hes 0:23:13.800 --> 0:23:18.600 be yourself, be with your family. Does that make sense? 0:23:20.119 --> 0:23:23.240 Yes, it makes complete sense. And I guess that's why 0:23:23.320 --> 0:23:26.320 I mentioned you too, because like I, I do, I 0:23:26.400 --> 0:23:28.720 understand that, and I'm just trying to figure out how, 0:23:28.880 --> 0:23:30.800 and I know you don't have the answer that I guess. 0:23:30.800 --> 0:23:32.120 I was just trying to talk and have a sound 0:23:32.160 --> 0:23:36.080 board another opinion other than people that are directly involved, 0:23:36.240 --> 0:23:39.000 you know, because it's emotional for them. 0:23:39.400 --> 0:23:44.600 I'm sure. I'm sure it's very emotional for you too. Uh. 0:23:45.080 --> 0:23:48.399 I mean, yes, I appreciate the sentiment. I'm not a prude. 0:23:48.400 --> 0:23:51.600 So you mentioned like it didn't like close off my ears. 0:23:52.840 --> 0:23:56.840 It's saying that I'm devil saying I appreciate your time, 0:23:57.119 --> 0:24:01.680 and I appreciate you remembered my name because you don't. 0:24:03.080 --> 0:24:06.000 Well, yeah, Priestess, is that your real name or is 0:24:06.000 --> 0:24:06.840 that a fake name? 0:24:07.760 --> 0:24:09.919 It's a it's a gamer tag I went by like 0:24:10.000 --> 0:24:10.879 in my childhood. 0:24:11.359 --> 0:24:12.960 M hm mm hmm. 0:24:15.680 --> 0:24:17.560 I'm trying to think if I have anything else. I 0:24:17.560 --> 0:24:20.119 don't know if I have like logistical ways in my 0:24:20.240 --> 0:24:23.840 head of how you could move forward that aren't tough. 0:24:23.920 --> 0:24:26.600 But uh, I'll leave it with that that you know, 0:24:26.880 --> 0:24:30.840 you don't have to set yourself on fire to keep 0:24:30.840 --> 0:24:34.480 everyone else warm all that stuff. Is there anything else 0:24:34.520 --> 0:24:35.840 you want to say to the people of the computer 0:24:35.880 --> 0:24:37.200 before we go, priestis. 0:24:39.000 --> 0:24:42.760 Yeah, I I guess I would just say that no 0:24:42.840 --> 0:24:46.840 matter what dark room you feel like you're in, and 0:24:47.680 --> 0:24:50.080 you know you feel shut and scared and you don't 0:24:50.119 --> 0:24:53.960 know if you can keep going on that, just keep 0:24:53.960 --> 0:24:58.080 that hope alive because for every mountain or the valley 0:24:58.320 --> 0:25:03.280 in a peak and you know, yeah, it's it's things 0:25:03.320 --> 0:25:04.359 can become beautiful. 0:25:07.600 --> 0:25:10.440 Have a have a good rest of your night, you too, 0:25:10.840 --> 0:25:18.399 Thank you, Gek those priests. Dude, I think a lot 0:25:18.480 --> 0:25:20.560 about the Last Temptation of Christ. I'm going to talk 0:25:20.600 --> 0:25:22.440 about it real quick, and I swear on my life 0:25:22.480 --> 0:25:24.359 I'm not I'm not a Christian. I'm not a Christian 0:25:24.400 --> 0:25:27.560 at all. I'm not. I'm just like I like this 0:25:27.720 --> 0:25:30.960 story because it's interesting because that's all the ship is. 0:25:30.960 --> 0:25:32.880 There's nothing like you know, it's not about like belief. 0:25:32.920 --> 0:25:37.359 It's just like these are just allegories of things. But like, 0:25:38.440 --> 0:25:39.960 I don't know. I was telling my I would Yeah, 0:25:39.960 --> 0:25:41.120 I was talking to my dad and I was telling 0:25:41.200 --> 0:25:45.000 him I was having like a hard time doing something, 0:25:45.760 --> 0:25:47.320 and he told he was telling me about the Last 0:25:47.359 --> 0:25:51.520 Temptation of Christ and he was like, yeah, fucking so 0:25:51.680 --> 0:25:54.040 Jesus is that he's gonna go die for our sins. 0:25:54.800 --> 0:25:58.120 So he nailed they nail him to a cross, And 0:26:00.080 --> 0:26:02.760 oh okay, yeah, all right, so Jesus is the Messia. 0:26:02.760 --> 0:26:05.000 I swear this is not a this is just an 0:26:05.000 --> 0:26:11.160 interesting story. Jesus is the Messiah. Okay, So imagine someone 0:26:11.160 --> 0:26:13.040 says to you, all right, you're the Messiah and you 0:26:13.119 --> 0:26:15.080 have to fucking die for all of our sins. You'd 0:26:15.119 --> 0:26:17.679 be like, I don't want to do that. That sucks. But 0:26:17.800 --> 0:26:21.440 you're like, okay, all right. Or and then they say 0:26:21.480 --> 0:26:25.120 you drat you'd, you'd They nail you to a cross 0:26:25.720 --> 0:26:28.600 and you're sitting there dying, and they're like, this sucks. 0:26:28.600 --> 0:26:30.000 I don't want to do this. I do not want 0:26:30.000 --> 0:26:31.919 to be the Messiah. I don't want to sit on 0:26:31.960 --> 0:26:36.840 this fucking cross and die. And then yeah, and then 0:26:36.840 --> 0:26:40.160 a little girl comes up to Jesus and she takes 0:26:40.200 --> 0:26:42.520 him off the cross, and she like heals his wounds, 0:26:43.400 --> 0:26:47.840 and then uh like takes him back to Nazareth and 0:26:48.040 --> 0:26:49.919 he gets married and he has a kid and he 0:26:49.960 --> 0:26:54.359 lives a happy, normal life. And then later he finds 0:26:54.400 --> 0:26:58.280 out that that little girl was the devil trying to 0:26:58.320 --> 0:27:02.280 convince him to not be the Messiah. And then Jesus 0:27:02.280 --> 0:27:04.880 like runs up to this hill and he starts trying 0:27:04.880 --> 0:27:08.679 to talk to God and he's like he's begging God 0:27:09.600 --> 0:27:15.280 to go back in time to be the Messiah because 0:27:15.280 --> 0:27:18.560 he realizes that he really actually wanted to be the Messiah. 0:27:18.680 --> 0:27:21.240 I think what the story is trying to tell you 0:27:21.440 --> 0:27:25.119 is some shit like and my dad was telling it 0:27:25.200 --> 0:27:27.879 to me and he's we're all Jewish. I don't know 0:27:27.880 --> 0:27:30.040 why we're talking about this stuff. But when my dad 0:27:30.080 --> 0:27:32.359 was sail it to me, it's like, Okay, you're doing 0:27:32.359 --> 0:27:34.320 this hard thing that you really don't want to do 0:27:35.560 --> 0:27:38.560 and you cannot do it, but later you might go 0:27:38.640 --> 0:27:41.320 back up to the hill and beg God, I actually 0:27:41.320 --> 0:27:46.919 do want to be the Messiah. Now. I was. I 0:27:47.000 --> 0:27:49.359 was dating this woman at the time and I told 0:27:49.359 --> 0:27:52.040 her this and she was like, that is the stupidest 0:27:52.080 --> 0:27:55.960 fucking thing I've ever heard, Like, why would you do 0:27:56.080 --> 0:27:59.600 a thing? Why would you like live life in pain 0:28:00.400 --> 0:28:03.760 just so that you can say you did? And she 0:28:03.960 --> 0:28:08.199 was right too. So those are the those are like 0:28:08.280 --> 0:28:11.720 the two different sides of that coin on that story, 0:28:12.640 --> 0:28:16.400 depending on who you are. Is like, do you suffer 0:28:16.480 --> 0:28:25.479 immensely for I guess nobility or whatever whatever the fucking 0:28:25.560 --> 0:28:28.760 thing is that you feel like you're suffering for or 0:28:28.800 --> 0:28:32.520 do you realize that, uh, suffering is pointless and just 0:28:32.600 --> 0:28:36.880 like go live and enjoy life. Uh. I don't think 0:28:36.880 --> 0:28:39.040 that has a lot to do with this woman's story, 0:28:39.080 --> 0:28:46.480 but I don't know. It's interesting. I think about it sometimes. Jesus, 0:28:46.600 --> 0:28:54.320 Jesus Christ, crazy guy. Hello, Oh hi to get Ca, Yes, Hi? 0:28:54.360 --> 0:28:56.560 Who is this? 0:28:56.560 --> 0:28:57.320 This is Ada? 0:28:58.280 --> 0:29:00.600 Ada? What's up? Ada? Where you calling from? 0:29:01.960 --> 0:29:02.760 Czech Republic? 0:29:03.360 --> 0:29:06.360 Oh the Czech Republic? Oh what progue? 0:29:07.800 --> 0:29:08.800 Yes, exactly. 0:29:09.280 --> 0:29:11.640 Sweet. I went there a long time ago, and I 0:29:11.840 --> 0:29:16.240 ate a lot of churros. 0:29:16.240 --> 0:29:19.480 Sure really check? 0:29:20.160 --> 0:29:22.040 Well I don't they haven't. I don't know if they're churros, 0:29:22.040 --> 0:29:27.000 but they're like sweet cinnamon cake things. 0:29:27.560 --> 0:29:31.480 Yeah, like the one that's like a big comb or something. 0:29:31.200 --> 0:29:33.520 Like yeah, the big yeah, yeah, the big cone. 0:29:33.640 --> 0:29:36.640 Well it's actually Hungarian. But we're going to this check. 0:29:37.280 --> 0:29:40.960 Oh okay, I mean it's all the same pleasures. 0:29:41.400 --> 0:29:45.280 Yeah, yeah, I guess. 0:29:45.000 --> 0:29:48.160 To an American everywhere, they're everywhere outside of America. Is 0:29:48.800 --> 0:29:50.000 it's just not America? 0:29:50.360 --> 0:29:58.440 You know? Yeah? Well okay, No. 0:29:58.440 --> 0:30:01.760 I'm kidding. I think I'm kidding. What's your name again? 0:30:01.920 --> 0:30:04.480 You said you said your name forgot? You can call 0:30:04.520 --> 0:30:09.600 me aidan Ada. You texted me and you said I 0:30:09.720 --> 0:30:13.360 fell in love with a homeless man and he stole 0:30:13.440 --> 0:30:18.280 my suitcase. That was the second homeless man that I 0:30:18.280 --> 0:30:18.960 have been with. 0:30:22.080 --> 0:30:31.719 Yeah that happened. Yeah. Well, I spent some time working 0:30:31.800 --> 0:30:39.320 in Switzerland this summer and I was pretty lonely in 0:30:39.400 --> 0:30:44.400 there because I actually don't speak German, so and I 0:30:44.440 --> 0:30:50.040 didn't know anybody there. So I was just like pretty miserable, 0:30:50.080 --> 0:30:55.120 and I was like walking on the street and well, 0:30:55.320 --> 0:30:57.840 I was outside and I was I wanted to go 0:30:57.960 --> 0:31:01.400 back to my hotel but where I also work, but 0:31:01.680 --> 0:31:05.960 then I realized, like I missed the last train home 0:31:06.280 --> 0:31:11.360 and my phone was dead, and I was on this 0:31:11.560 --> 0:31:16.320 like tram station and like there were like some thretty 0:31:16.440 --> 0:31:20.240 old men trying to like, you know, they were like, 0:31:20.400 --> 0:31:22.720 I'm going to give you a ride home, blah blah blah. 0:31:22.720 --> 0:31:25.960 And I was feeling like, you know, in danger. And 0:31:26.000 --> 0:31:29.600 the only other person on that stop was a homeless 0:31:29.600 --> 0:31:33.520 man sleeping on the ground who was like a young 0:31:33.600 --> 0:31:37.520 guy my age. I'm twenty, and to be honest, he 0:31:37.640 --> 0:31:41.800 was really fucking beautiful. So I was like, this is 0:31:42.080 --> 0:31:44.000 this is my dad's bed. I'm just gonna go up 0:31:44.040 --> 0:31:45.840 to him and be like, can I sit next to you? 0:31:46.280 --> 0:31:52.240 I'm scared and he was like yeah, I and I 0:31:52.360 --> 0:31:56.600 fucking spent the night on the street next to him. 0:31:58.000 --> 0:32:01.720 And I did that again for the next like five 0:32:01.800 --> 0:32:05.600 days because I really liked him, and at some point 0:32:05.720 --> 0:32:11.000 I let him move in to my hotel room and 0:32:11.360 --> 0:32:14.320 I just we'll stay with him for some time. 0:32:17.680 --> 0:32:18.640 This was the first time. 0:32:20.360 --> 0:32:21.680 No, it's just the second time. 0:32:22.160 --> 0:32:27.760 Oh okay, and you were living in a hotel room 0:32:27.800 --> 0:32:33.760 at the time, Yes, I'm a fuck. Did I miss 0:32:34.320 --> 0:32:36.239 a part of the story that explains why you were 0:32:36.240 --> 0:32:37.240 living in the hotel room? 0:32:38.120 --> 0:32:41.600 Oh yeah, Well I worked as a hotel receptionist there, 0:32:42.120 --> 0:32:44.520 so I kind of just lived at the hotel where 0:32:44.560 --> 0:32:44.960 I worked. 0:32:45.520 --> 0:32:52.320 Okay. Did you have like a family in the same city. 0:32:53.800 --> 0:32:59.240 Oh no, I was there completely alone. So yeah. 0:32:59.720 --> 0:33:02.720 And how long did your relationship last with the guy 0:33:02.760 --> 0:33:04.400 that you met at the train station. 0:33:05.640 --> 0:33:11.320 Well, he lived with me for about a month, and 0:33:11.360 --> 0:33:16.040 then I was just like then, I just fucking west 0:33:16.120 --> 0:33:19.600 and went back to Czech Republic because it was all 0:33:19.600 --> 0:33:23.120 a little bit too much. He was an addict and 0:33:23.360 --> 0:33:29.640 me too, so it was a very like toxic, dangerous relationship. 0:33:30.720 --> 0:33:35.480 Why did I'm curious why you slept on the street 0:33:35.560 --> 0:33:37.520 with him for five days instead of just going back 0:33:37.560 --> 0:33:38.680 to your hotel room. 0:33:41.280 --> 0:33:48.760 WHOA, I don't know. I just well, the first day 0:33:49.160 --> 0:33:54.440 I had no way to get home, but then I 0:33:54.600 --> 0:33:58.800 just really liked spending time with him, so it was 0:33:59.800 --> 0:34:03.840 like kept coming back and always ended up just like 0:34:04.880 --> 0:34:12.200 sleeping there next to him. I know, it's fucking crazy, 0:34:12.239 --> 0:34:19.279 but the thing is, I have BPD, and sometimes I 0:34:19.400 --> 0:34:25.880 just like fall into like fucking involuntarily like obsession with 0:34:26.040 --> 0:34:31.480 someone who like I barely know, and like my main 0:34:31.719 --> 0:34:35.960 like goal becomes just like getting lost from that person, 0:34:36.080 --> 0:34:38.920 and that's exactly what happened. So I just kind of 0:34:38.960 --> 0:34:43.560 went against all logic when I was there. 0:34:45.400 --> 0:34:49.880 And tell me about those five days, were they like 0:34:50.080 --> 0:34:51.120 enjoyable for you? 0:34:55.760 --> 0:35:01.360 Well? It was. It was heart of course, it's not 0:35:01.600 --> 0:35:06.920 like like pleasurable to sleep on the ground on a 0:35:07.360 --> 0:35:15.520 tram station. But on the other hand, I was next 0:35:15.560 --> 0:35:21.560 to him, and I was feeling, you know, I was 0:35:21.600 --> 0:35:24.560 feeling all the feelings you feel when you're cuddling with 0:35:24.680 --> 0:35:31.600 the person you like, and like, I was in a 0:35:31.640 --> 0:35:35.799 really bad mental state back there, so I was just 0:35:35.880 --> 0:35:40.640 like glad to be there with him, and I felt 0:35:40.640 --> 0:35:45.040 bad for him because he was my age and already homeless. 0:35:45.640 --> 0:35:53.960 So I don't know, Yeah, it was there was some 0:35:54.120 --> 0:35:55.200 good and some bad in it. 0:36:00.200 --> 0:36:03.200 And so you said he stole your suitcase. 0:36:04.760 --> 0:36:10.759 Yeah, well, so after a while when I let him 0:36:10.920 --> 0:36:18.520 live with me, so sometimes he was just like go 0:36:18.600 --> 0:36:24.960 out to like get his drugs and like beg for money. 0:36:25.480 --> 0:36:28.480 And because I didn't want him to like walk around 0:36:28.480 --> 0:36:33.200 the hotel where I lived with like a pile of 0:36:33.280 --> 0:36:35.840 like blankets and stuff that he would take, so I 0:36:35.960 --> 0:36:40.400 just let him borrow my suitcase so that like it 0:36:40.440 --> 0:36:46.200 would be less suspicious. And then I told him by 0:36:46.239 --> 0:36:49.319 the end, like I'm going to leave this day, and 0:36:49.360 --> 0:36:53.359 I told him which time my train is leaving. So 0:36:53.920 --> 0:36:59.319 but the day before he was with the suitcase and 0:36:59.440 --> 0:37:03.000 didn't come back until the train came. So I had 0:37:03.040 --> 0:37:10.040 no place to put my stuff. So I had to 0:37:10.080 --> 0:37:13.520 stay one more night buy a new suitcase, which was 0:37:13.560 --> 0:37:20.600 like super expensive because it's Switzerland. And actually I didn't 0:37:20.600 --> 0:37:23.959 get to say bye to him, but he still had 0:37:24.000 --> 0:37:27.279 like all of his stuff, like his personal items at 0:37:27.320 --> 0:37:29.960 the hotel. So I had to like take all of 0:37:30.000 --> 0:37:33.520 this stuff and leave it somewhere. And then I texted 0:37:33.560 --> 0:37:36.919 his plug whose phone number I had because he used 0:37:36.960 --> 0:37:44.920 my phone, and I told him where I left the stuff. Yeah, 0:37:44.960 --> 0:37:49.480 so I he has my suitcase probably until now if 0:37:49.520 --> 0:37:51.319 he's alive, I don't know. 0:37:53.680 --> 0:37:59.440 So I haven't had any contact with him. 0:37:57.600 --> 0:38:00.759 No, because like how do you contact the almost in 0:38:00.760 --> 0:38:01.720 a different country. 0:38:01.760 --> 0:38:08.920 Really, that's true? Yeah, So how long ago was all this? 0:38:10.480 --> 0:38:11.600 That was this summer? 0:38:12.640 --> 0:38:14.680 Oh okay, and how are you doing now? 0:38:15.280 --> 0:38:17.719 I'm going to like I'm going to start like a 0:38:17.840 --> 0:38:20.759 day day program now, like where I'm going to be 0:38:21.320 --> 0:38:27.080 Monday to Friday doing like group therapy sessions and stuff 0:38:27.239 --> 0:38:30.240 and getting sober and then I'm just going to sleep 0:38:30.280 --> 0:38:33.400 at home and hopefully that works. I'm going to be 0:38:33.440 --> 0:38:37.680 there like four to six week a month. Uh. And 0:38:37.880 --> 0:38:41.600 like literally, like after I came back from this strip 0:38:41.640 --> 0:38:43.759 and this whole thing happened, I was like, this is 0:38:43.800 --> 0:38:46.480 the last strow. I'm going to get sober now and 0:38:46.640 --> 0:38:49.879 fucking stop doing this crazy shit. 0:38:51.080 --> 0:38:57.719 Mm hmm. Who was what? Who was the first? So 0:38:57.800 --> 0:38:59.759 this was this was not the first time that something 0:38:59.800 --> 0:39:01.280 like this even happened. 0:39:02.840 --> 0:39:06.879 Well kind of yeah. The first time was not that serious. 0:39:06.960 --> 0:39:12.080 But the first time was last year. I was I 0:39:12.239 --> 0:39:15.839 was in Lisbon on a solo trip. 0:39:17.000 --> 0:39:22.560 And I just bought like a plea role joint and 0:39:22.600 --> 0:39:25.359 I was like, I'm not gonna smoke this alone. So 0:39:25.400 --> 0:39:28.000 it was just like walking around the streets of Lisbon, 0:39:28.719 --> 0:39:31.759 and there was this guy sitting like. 0:39:34.640 --> 0:39:38.239 In front of some grocery store on the ground, like 0:39:39.080 --> 0:39:44.480 big beard, messy, like rasta hair and a cup in 0:39:44.520 --> 0:39:47.840 front of him and chest and like very crazy clothes. 0:39:47.880 --> 0:39:50.120 And I was like, that's my dude, this is the 0:39:50.160 --> 0:39:56.000 one I'm gonna like smoke weed with. Actually he was 0:39:56.040 --> 0:39:59.600 not really homeless, it was more complicated. He was. He 0:39:59.680 --> 0:40:02.640 didn't have a job. He just kind of like somehow 0:40:02.760 --> 0:40:05.200 sucked over the system and they gave him a free, 0:40:05.800 --> 0:40:09.040 shitty old apartment. He didn't have to work, and he 0:40:09.200 --> 0:40:16.239 just sat on the street and played chessless people. And yeah, 0:40:16.280 --> 0:40:20.799 I did come back one more time to meet him. 0:40:20.840 --> 0:40:26.480 There it was a thing, but it was just like 0:40:27.080 --> 0:40:29.719 a few days with him. But this second time was 0:40:29.760 --> 0:40:32.280 a bit more serious. 0:40:32.360 --> 0:40:39.399 I'd say, so, what do you I guess, desire for 0:40:39.440 --> 0:40:46.520 your life after getting sober, Well, I'm. 0:40:46.360 --> 0:40:50.239 Not really sure there's more options in there for me. 0:40:51.360 --> 0:40:56.040 I one I'm thinking about, Well, I don't have a 0:40:56.320 --> 0:41:00.400 high school diploma because I because of the drug addiction, 0:41:00.719 --> 0:41:03.279 I had to drop out of high school like one 0:41:03.360 --> 0:41:07.040 month before the end. So I was thinking either I'm 0:41:07.200 --> 0:41:11.719 gonna try to, you know, finish that because that would 0:41:11.840 --> 0:41:17.759 kind of be nice, but also it's scary or I 0:41:17.760 --> 0:41:21.920 would like to. Well, I haven't offered from my friend 0:41:21.960 --> 0:41:26.680 in Spain to come with with him, and I've been 0:41:26.760 --> 0:41:30.560 learning Spanish for some time, so that's like my plan be, 0:41:30.719 --> 0:41:34.080 you know, just fucking move to Spain because for me, 0:41:34.520 --> 0:41:38.879 like Czech Republic is just not the place I want 0:41:38.960 --> 0:41:44.319 to stay forever. It's the weather here, it's not like 0:41:45.400 --> 0:41:48.960 ideal for me. I get like seasonal depression, and the 0:41:49.000 --> 0:41:50.840 winters here get really hard for me. 0:41:51.640 --> 0:41:53.719 M hm. 0:41:58.040 --> 0:41:58.239 Hmm. 0:42:00.000 --> 0:42:02.600 Do you still feel like you have this thing of 0:42:02.760 --> 0:42:05.640 like getting really obsessed with people? 0:42:07.840 --> 0:42:11.400 Well, I haven't had it with anybody since I came back, 0:42:11.640 --> 0:42:17.319 and but I went back to therapy as soon as 0:42:17.360 --> 0:42:21.120 I got back. I mean I've been in therapy since fourteen, 0:42:21.920 --> 0:42:26.319 but I had a little break, and since I came back, 0:42:26.360 --> 0:42:30.839 I've been there and I haven't had this problem happen again. 0:42:30.880 --> 0:42:34.640 And I think this time I could just like notice 0:42:34.719 --> 0:42:41.120 it in the beginning, hopefully and you know, not let 0:42:41.160 --> 0:42:45.200 it get too much in my head. 0:42:50.760 --> 0:42:53.120 Do you have a lot of like like you're talking 0:42:53.160 --> 0:42:54.520 about your family and shit like do you have like 0:42:54.600 --> 0:42:57.640 a support system, Do you're like friends and family helping 0:42:57.640 --> 0:42:58.200 you out with shit? 0:42:59.080 --> 0:43:04.960 Uh? Yeah, yeah I do. I I mean with my family, 0:43:05.000 --> 0:43:10.880 it's a bit complicated, but they're still here, just not 0:43:11.320 --> 0:43:15.400 ideal sometimes. And I do have some pretty good friends. 0:43:15.680 --> 0:43:18.360 The only problem is, like I don't think I have 0:43:18.560 --> 0:43:21.640 any sober friends. And that's what I'm working on right now, 0:43:21.680 --> 0:43:25.600 like trying to get some friends that, like, you know, 0:43:25.680 --> 0:43:27.000 I can hang out with. 0:43:27.040 --> 0:43:32.240 Sober And are these like when you say like sober friends, 0:43:32.280 --> 0:43:35.080 is it like stuff? Is it harder stuff than like 0:43:35.360 --> 0:43:38.280 just like like weed and alcohol? 0:43:39.480 --> 0:43:41.920 Well not, I used to have. Well now I have 0:43:42.080 --> 0:43:47.160 friends who mostly just smoke weed or drink. I kind 0:43:47.239 --> 0:43:51.080 of got away from that, like group of people who 0:43:51.120 --> 0:43:55.279 did hard to drug solready. I managed to get those 0:43:55.320 --> 0:44:00.520 people out of my life. But still, yeah, like most 0:44:00.520 --> 0:44:04.680 of my friends smoked a lot of wheat, and I 0:44:04.840 --> 0:44:09.719 found myself addicted to wheat too. So I need to, like, 0:44:10.560 --> 0:44:13.919 you know, find people to hang out with whood will 0:44:13.960 --> 0:44:15.319 not smoke wheat around me. 0:44:16.200 --> 0:44:23.000 Mm hmm, okay, hmmm. What about yourself? What's going on 0:44:23.080 --> 0:44:25.880 with your friend in uh in Spain? How do you 0:44:25.880 --> 0:44:28.680 know them? So? 0:44:31.000 --> 0:44:34.239 Last year and New Years. I was at my best 0:44:34.239 --> 0:44:38.960 friend's house and she lives with a few people, and 0:44:39.000 --> 0:44:45.880 one of them invited this girl and she brought this 0:44:46.000 --> 0:44:48.879 guy from staying there just like you know, f are 0:44:48.880 --> 0:44:52.280 friends for a friend he was with visiting Czech Republic, 0:44:53.400 --> 0:44:57.719 and we started talking and we got like we you know, 0:44:57.840 --> 0:45:02.000 we we vibe with each other. So the next time 0:45:02.080 --> 0:45:06.080 I went to Spain, because this year I traveled a lot, 0:45:06.680 --> 0:45:10.799 I gave myself a promise to like every second month 0:45:10.960 --> 0:45:14.719 go on a trip outside of my country. So next 0:45:14.760 --> 0:45:17.680 time I went to Spain, I hit him up and 0:45:18.080 --> 0:45:23.279 we kind of became very close. I already went there 0:45:23.320 --> 0:45:26.239 a few times to see him and his friends, and 0:45:26.520 --> 0:45:30.280 we do call like every day. We kind of became 0:45:30.440 --> 0:45:35.640 like really close friends. Yeah. 0:45:37.880 --> 0:45:40.879 I think it's a good idea to find friends who 0:45:41.360 --> 0:45:47.600 are sober. Yeah yeah, I mean, I'm sure you'll be 0:45:47.640 --> 0:45:48.239 able to do it. 0:45:51.040 --> 0:45:53.560 Yeah, I hope. So, I mean I did the first 0:45:53.600 --> 0:46:03.640 step like yesterday by well, there's this like uh uh 0:46:04.120 --> 0:46:07.440 center like but said, I don't know how to pronounce it, 0:46:07.480 --> 0:46:14.640 but histic center in my city, and so I decided 0:46:14.680 --> 0:46:18.640 to go there and you know, try to maybe start 0:46:18.680 --> 0:46:22.480 going there for like some meditations and meet other people 0:46:22.520 --> 0:46:25.480 who go there, and they were like super nice to me, 0:46:27.440 --> 0:46:33.080 talked to me for an hour, and I'm feeling like, yeah, 0:46:33.400 --> 0:46:36.000 maybe this is the place I can find some new 0:46:36.040 --> 0:46:40.839 friends with like a more positive mentality. 0:46:41.960 --> 0:46:45.239 Cool. Yeah, yeah, I was. I was thinking that I 0:46:45.480 --> 0:46:51.200 assumed that in these like uh sober groups and whatnot, 0:46:51.239 --> 0:46:55.280 that you'd be able to find some good friends. 0:46:55.520 --> 0:46:59.799 Yeah, I'm going to like once a week, I'm going 0:46:59.840 --> 0:47:04.279 to like something like you know, kind of like in 0:47:04.360 --> 0:47:07.319 the movies when there's like the AA meetings. This is 0:47:07.360 --> 0:47:11.640 something similar. They call it like the motivational meetings. When 0:47:11.640 --> 0:47:14.520 I go there one time a week, but you know, 0:47:15.280 --> 0:47:20.800 usually I like don't want to get to know the people, 0:47:21.160 --> 0:47:24.200 and they advise us not to make relationships with the 0:47:24.239 --> 0:47:30.200 people there because yeah, because like in this group, it's 0:47:30.320 --> 0:47:32.920 kind of like some people are still using, some people 0:47:32.960 --> 0:47:38.160 are not, and it's not really you know, it couldn't 0:47:38.600 --> 0:47:44.680 end badly, like you know, you met at a a 0:47:44.920 --> 0:47:50.120 group and you just, yeah, it could mean just relapsing together. 0:47:50.320 --> 0:47:50.759 I don't know. 0:47:51.440 --> 0:47:54.440 Interesting, because I that's that's interesting. They tell you not 0:47:54.640 --> 0:47:57.440 to form friendships because I feel like the whole point 0:47:57.480 --> 0:48:01.000 of the group is that you're supposed to arm relationships 0:48:01.000 --> 0:48:01.480 with people. 0:48:03.120 --> 0:48:05.480 So in this one where I go to, this one 0:48:05.560 --> 0:48:08.640 is like public and they do not like make the 0:48:08.800 --> 0:48:11.520 rule of being sober. So in this one they do 0:48:11.640 --> 0:48:15.279 not advise it. However, when I will start going to 0:48:15.440 --> 0:48:17.879 like the day program, they do put a lot of 0:48:18.000 --> 0:48:24.520 like importance on like the relationships between the people going there, 0:48:24.560 --> 0:48:28.920 because you get tested and like you're working really like 0:48:29.840 --> 0:48:33.200 hard towards sobriety. And yeah, it's going to be more 0:48:33.920 --> 0:48:37.600 safe because you have to be sober in order to 0:48:37.840 --> 0:48:39.840 be in this program. 0:48:42.120 --> 0:48:46.040 Do you have any hobbies of any kind that will 0:48:46.520 --> 0:48:48.320 get you out and about and around people. 0:48:49.680 --> 0:48:49.799 Oh? 0:48:49.880 --> 0:48:54.800 Yeah, I paint a lot and raw and I also 0:48:55.000 --> 0:48:58.880 like to write, so yeah these things. 0:49:00.600 --> 0:49:02.719 Are there any groups for any of that stuff that 0:49:02.800 --> 0:49:08.280 you might be able to join anywhere in Europe? I suppose. 0:49:09.960 --> 0:49:13.480 Maybe probably there's something like that. Yeah, I mean I 0:49:13.520 --> 0:49:16.880 do have a lot of like artistic people around me 0:49:16.960 --> 0:49:22.520 in my life, but probably there are some kind of 0:49:22.600 --> 0:49:25.040 groups like this. Yeah, m. 0:49:30.800 --> 0:49:34.439 Thanks for sharing your story with us a Ada, Yes, 0:49:35.560 --> 0:49:39.719 thank you for letting me of course. I guess is 0:49:39.760 --> 0:49:42.880 there anything else that you wanted to get out of 0:49:42.920 --> 0:49:46.000 this phone? Call or anything at all that you need 0:49:46.000 --> 0:49:49.480 to say before we go. I wanted to give you 0:49:49.520 --> 0:49:52.960 the opportunity to speak whatever piece you have left. 0:49:55.040 --> 0:49:58.840 Yeah, I want to tell people like, don't do fucking 0:49:58.920 --> 0:50:03.439 drugs is going to ruin your life. 0:50:03.680 --> 0:50:10.839 And I don't know, have a nice day, perfect, thank you, Ada, good. 0:50:10.800 --> 0:50:15.800 Luck, thank you bye, Ada, bye bye. 0:50:19.320 --> 0:50:23.520 That was Adam. That was an interesting story. I'm wishing 0:50:23.560 --> 0:50:26.280 her good luck on the sobriety journey. I know that's hard, 0:50:29.440 --> 0:50:35.279 five days hanging out with this beautiful homeless guy. I 0:50:35.280 --> 0:50:38.080 don't know why that sounded like that sounded romantic. That 0:50:38.200 --> 0:50:41.120 was like a in my head, I was picturing it's 0:50:41.160 --> 0:50:44.440 like a a Richard link Later film or something like that. 0:50:45.280 --> 0:50:51.600 Hello, Hi, Hi, Oh my gosh, how are you, Gek? 0:50:52.160 --> 0:50:54.560 I'm good. What's your name? 0:50:56.400 --> 0:50:56.840 Maria? 0:50:57.480 --> 0:51:01.560 Maria Maria rick Can? I is it okay? If I 0:51:01.640 --> 0:51:02.840 read what you texted me? 0:51:05.800 --> 0:51:07.080 Absolutely okay? 0:51:07.160 --> 0:51:11.400 All right? You sure? Yeah, that's fine, Okay, you texted me. 0:51:12.960 --> 0:51:17.239 These are your words you said, Uh, hey, Gek, I 0:51:17.280 --> 0:51:20.080 want to talk to you about being a veteran slut 0:51:20.120 --> 0:51:26.719 bag and getting chlamydia four times. I also need relationship advice. 0:51:28.480 --> 0:51:29.680 Yeah, it's unfortunate. 0:51:31.040 --> 0:51:33.480 Chlamydia is not that bad though, you just take a pill. 0:51:34.640 --> 0:51:37.520 Yeah, chmydee is not that bad, especially if you have 0:51:37.600 --> 0:51:41.480 health insurance. But I think just being a woman and 0:51:43.000 --> 0:51:46.319 like the stigma around it, it can it can be 0:51:46.360 --> 0:51:50.279 pretty difficult, depending on who gave it to you or 0:51:50.440 --> 0:51:51.840 if you gave it to somebody else. 0:51:51.920 --> 0:51:56.839 So okay, so yeah, where where where do you want 0:51:56.840 --> 0:51:57.240 to start? 0:51:59.160 --> 0:52:07.040 Well, I guess we can talk about being a veteran floodbag. 0:52:08.000 --> 0:52:10.839 Okay, what does that? What does that mean to you? 0:52:13.440 --> 0:52:20.600 So basically, while I was in undergrad I'm currently twenty four. 0:52:21.400 --> 0:52:23.319 While I was an undergrad, I was just going through 0:52:23.320 --> 0:52:27.080 a really hard time and it pretty much bordered on 0:52:27.239 --> 0:52:33.399 like sex addiction almost but not like I don't know, like, yeah, 0:52:33.400 --> 0:52:36.560 it was debilitating, but I also just had a lot 0:52:36.560 --> 0:52:39.200 of other things going on, a lot of mental health issues. 0:52:39.239 --> 0:52:44.719 But we're past that now. So yeah, I went to 0:52:44.760 --> 0:52:48.600 a party school, so I think that kind of like 0:52:50.440 --> 0:52:51.560 created some influence. 0:52:53.120 --> 0:52:56.320 Did you have fun? Did you enjoy the time? 0:52:57.440 --> 0:52:57.640 Oh? 0:52:57.680 --> 0:52:59.680 Hell yeah, Okay, I had a great time. 0:53:00.120 --> 0:53:03.160 Okay, I mean it's our bi, it's I think I've 0:53:03.160 --> 0:53:06.560 talked about this before, but look, you know, obviously it's 0:53:06.560 --> 0:53:10.040 the thing you can get addicted to, for sure. You know, 0:53:10.120 --> 0:53:12.040 I've been addicted. I've had t especially yeah, when I 0:53:12.040 --> 0:53:15.520 was in college, fucking you know, addicted to the apps 0:53:15.600 --> 0:53:20.279 and you know, addicted to you know, goooning and all 0:53:20.320 --> 0:53:23.560 this kind of crap. But you know, it's one of 0:53:23.600 --> 0:53:27.600 our like the only true like the only like default 0:53:27.719 --> 0:53:31.839 meaning of life that we have is to survive and 0:53:31.960 --> 0:53:35.719 have sex. Everything else is like we're adding on to it. 0:53:35.760 --> 0:53:39.880 But that's what we're born with, is don't die and reproduce. 0:53:40.000 --> 0:53:44.239 Yeah, that's very true because like even growing up, like 0:53:44.320 --> 0:53:47.080 my primary doctor was like, and this is like a 0:53:47.120 --> 0:53:50.839 pediatric doctor. She was like, sexual desire is a very 0:53:51.600 --> 0:53:54.600 normal thing, and I like was so weird out by it. 0:53:54.680 --> 0:53:57.959 But I don't know. I was a pretty sheltered kid 0:53:58.040 --> 0:54:01.120 growing up, so the moment I was on my own 0:54:01.120 --> 0:54:05.200 and independent, it was like, holy shit, yeah, nobody can 0:54:05.239 --> 0:54:05.680 tell me. 0:54:05.680 --> 0:54:09.000 No, right right, it's a weird thing, it is. I 0:54:09.120 --> 0:54:11.800 find it so weird that I don't know how we 0:54:12.000 --> 0:54:18.160 evolved like this, like societally, that one of our prime 0:54:18.400 --> 0:54:23.840 like one of our two primary like uh, innate goals 0:54:24.440 --> 0:54:28.000 is like taboo. You know, it's like under the it's weird. 0:54:28.120 --> 0:54:31.360 Like eating and surviving that one is, you know, people 0:54:31.400 --> 0:54:35.680 love talking about food and eating, but like you could 0:54:35.920 --> 0:54:39.120 like like if like if you're like if you had 0:54:39.120 --> 0:54:41.239 a food blog, right and you were like, look at 0:54:41.280 --> 0:54:43.640 all this food that I'm eating and all the nutrients 0:54:43.640 --> 0:54:45.760 I'm getting from it so I can continue to survive. 0:54:46.440 --> 0:54:48.760 People be like, oh, that's cool. But if you started 0:54:48.800 --> 0:54:52.160 a blog of like, you know, I'm having sex with 0:54:52.200 --> 0:54:54.040 all these guys, people will be like what is this? 0:54:54.200 --> 0:54:59.320 But it's like they're the same. It's just you enacting 0:55:00.280 --> 0:55:07.879 the biological goals that we're not endowed with. It's weird. 0:55:07.880 --> 0:55:10.560 They're like on the similar they're on the same level, 0:55:10.600 --> 0:55:13.040 but they're treated so differently. It's weird. 0:55:13.560 --> 0:55:15.440 Well, if you think about it too, like it's a 0:55:15.560 --> 0:55:19.799 double standard because like from a woman's perspective, I mean, 0:55:19.880 --> 0:55:23.879 it's twenty twenty five and there's the whole concept of 0:55:24.480 --> 0:55:30.399 female empowerment and equality, and there's a different attitude when 0:55:30.760 --> 0:55:34.720 women have a higher like body count. I hate that phrase, 0:55:34.800 --> 0:55:38.719 but and like it's not okay, But when men do, 0:55:39.200 --> 0:55:42.720 it's like, ah, you're the man, Like there's no problem 0:55:42.840 --> 0:55:43.200 with that. 0:55:43.719 --> 0:55:46.359 Yeah, I think I feel like that comes from. Well, one, 0:55:46.400 --> 0:55:50.719 I think that comes from like people just being like 0:55:50.880 --> 0:55:57.680 jealous and angry, and then I don't that's the main 0:55:58.719 --> 0:56:02.000 thing I think that comes from is just like again, yeah, 0:56:02.040 --> 0:56:07.239 guys being jealous and angry or just whatever. This like 0:56:07.840 --> 0:56:14.080 general cultural thing we have, even beyond the world of sex, 0:56:14.120 --> 0:56:18.719 of just like people wanting to like judge what other 0:56:18.760 --> 0:56:21.200 people do with their lives. I mean, where do you 0:56:21.239 --> 0:56:26.080 think that goes from. 0:56:24.040 --> 0:56:30.520 Like judgment judging other people's like sexuality. I think that 0:56:30.680 --> 0:56:34.640 just comes from like how you grew up, to be honest, 0:56:34.680 --> 0:56:37.960 because like I don't know, I'm a I have a 0:56:38.000 --> 0:56:40.799 psych major, and I'm currently in nursing school, so like 0:56:40.840 --> 0:56:44.680 we learn a lot about you know, Ericson's theory of development, 0:56:45.080 --> 0:56:51.120 and obviously Freud is a big one too. But that 0:56:51.320 --> 0:56:55.799 nature versus nurture argument, I think initially, I mean, at 0:56:55.840 --> 0:56:59.080 least for me growing up, it was never really talked 0:56:59.120 --> 0:57:04.560 about and I was pretty shielded from a lot of things. 0:57:04.600 --> 0:57:08.840 And but I think depending on if you make the 0:57:08.920 --> 0:57:12.800 decision to you know, leave the nest and go to school, 0:57:13.640 --> 0:57:19.520 and then you're kind of faced with other people's attitudes. 0:57:20.280 --> 0:57:23.360 Yeah, yeah, so that makes sense. 0:57:23.800 --> 0:57:26.320 Sorry, I'm like in shock right now because I'm like 0:57:26.840 --> 0:57:29.200 been trying to call you and I'm like, oh my god, please, 0:57:29.280 --> 0:57:32.000 and then I saw your number come up and I'm like, casp. 0:57:32.720 --> 0:57:35.640 So you you said you had a sheltered life, Like 0:57:35.680 --> 0:57:37.080 what what? What did that look like? 0:57:39.120 --> 0:57:43.080 My parents were just very strict with me. I wasn't 0:57:43.120 --> 0:57:49.600 allowed to like go to any parties in high school drinking, Like, 0:57:49.720 --> 0:57:51.800 I wasn't allowed to do that. Like maybe I would 0:57:51.840 --> 0:57:53.440 have a glass of wine at dinner, but that was 0:57:53.560 --> 0:57:56.960 very few and far between. I had Life three sixty 0:57:57.120 --> 0:57:59.720 on my phone throughout high school as well. 0:58:00.520 --> 0:58:02.000 Wait, what is Life three sixty? 0:58:03.200 --> 0:58:04.560 You know, like find my iPhone? 0:58:05.480 --> 0:58:07.320 Oh okay, yeah, yeah. 0:58:07.280 --> 0:58:09.440 It's like find my iPhone but I'm steroids. 0:58:09.680 --> 0:58:11.880 Oh okay. So your parents were like tracking your location 0:58:11.960 --> 0:58:12.600 at all times? 0:58:13.680 --> 0:58:17.840 Yeah, And I don't know, we just didn't really. You 0:58:17.880 --> 0:58:23.720 didn't really talk about like sex or consent or like, 0:58:23.840 --> 0:58:26.240 I don't know, having boundaries like I wasn't really I 0:58:26.280 --> 0:58:31.360 wasn't allowed to have my door closed or anything like that. 0:58:31.400 --> 0:58:32.760 You never had like any kind of you never had 0:58:32.760 --> 0:58:34.040 any kind of fucking privacy. 0:58:35.120 --> 0:58:39.280 No, my phone would be downstairs like at seven o'clock. 0:58:38.920 --> 0:58:43.800 At night so you couldn't even you couldn't even jack off. No, 0:58:44.680 --> 0:58:45.280 that's crazy. 0:58:45.280 --> 0:58:47.000 I think the first time I did that, I was like, 0:58:47.080 --> 0:58:52.160 I don't know, like nineteen, which is like horrifying, but 0:58:52.440 --> 0:58:55.000 it's not horrifying bad, but like horrifying weird. 0:58:55.680 --> 0:58:55.800 Wo. 0:58:56.920 --> 0:58:57.000 Uh. 0:58:57.040 --> 0:58:58.760 Do you have a good relationship with your parents? 0:59:01.560 --> 0:59:05.400 Somewhat? I mean it's it's very complicated because I have 0:59:05.440 --> 0:59:10.440 a sister who's a lot older than me, so like 0:59:10.480 --> 0:59:13.720 I spent a lot of time growing up like watching 0:59:13.800 --> 0:59:16.560 how she navigated the relationships, so I kind of learned 0:59:16.600 --> 0:59:18.600 like what to do and what not to do. 0:59:19.240 --> 0:59:25.400 Mm hmm. But how did your sister end up? 0:59:27.640 --> 0:59:32.480 Oh, she like moved away, like a few hours away, so. 0:59:34.920 --> 0:59:35.320 Mm hmm. 0:59:35.920 --> 0:59:38.800 But she's doing really good now. I mean she she 0:59:38.840 --> 0:59:42.560 has her master, she has a really good job. She's 0:59:42.600 --> 0:59:47.320 currently dating, so I would I would, I would say 0:59:47.320 --> 0:59:48.120 she's pretty happy. 0:59:49.080 --> 0:59:51.520 So what is your life like? And what what is this, 0:59:51.720 --> 0:59:57.480 uh relationship advice that you are in need of? I 0:59:57.480 --> 0:59:59.480 don't know if I'm not good at really I don't 0:59:59.520 --> 1:00:01.000 I try. I don't know if I'm that good at 1:00:01.040 --> 1:00:03.640 relationship advice, but I'll try. 1:00:03.840 --> 1:00:08.000 Yeah, No, it's okay, I'm just grateful to even be 1:00:08.080 --> 1:00:09.360 having this conversation with you. 1:00:11.120 --> 1:00:14.120 I'm sorry, what did you ask you? You well, you 1:00:14.160 --> 1:00:16.280 texted me and you said I need a relationship advice. 1:00:17.120 --> 1:00:23.200 Oh yeah, yeah yeah. So, like I have really bad 1:00:23.480 --> 1:00:29.360 anxiety and PTSD and depression okay, and ADHD as well. Okay, 1:00:30.600 --> 1:00:32.520 just like a whole Like I don't know, you know, 1:00:32.560 --> 1:00:35.720 the guy with the trench coat and he's like trying 1:00:35.760 --> 1:00:37.240 to sell you things out of the trench coat and 1:00:37.240 --> 1:00:39.840 he's like, this is everything I got. What do you want? 1:00:40.240 --> 1:00:41.520 Like, yeah, that's. 1:00:41.360 --> 1:00:42.480 Me, Okay, that's. 1:00:44.600 --> 1:00:48.120 Yeah. So there's this. 1:00:48.120 --> 1:00:52.560 Guy and it's been kind of like talking on and off, 1:00:54.480 --> 1:01:02.760 but he has a very traumatic attachment to this girl 1:01:02.800 --> 1:01:06.720 that he used to date, and he's like telling me 1:01:07.000 --> 1:01:10.400 that he wants to take it slow and be friends 1:01:10.480 --> 1:01:14.960 and all this stuff, and we hang out sometimes. It's great, 1:01:15.160 --> 1:01:18.080 and I have a lot of feelings for him and 1:01:18.120 --> 1:01:20.480 he knows that. And I've been trying to be like 1:01:21.840 --> 1:01:27.000 open and honest but also not intense, which with having 1:01:27.200 --> 1:01:29.720 such bad anxiety like I do, like I'm always seeking 1:01:29.760 --> 1:01:33.280 that reinsurance and like I just never know how to 1:01:33.360 --> 1:01:37.840 take it slow. And he wants to be sexual and 1:01:37.920 --> 1:01:40.800 I'm like trying to slow that part of myself down 1:01:42.280 --> 1:01:45.320 and just kind of like redirect my own behavior and 1:01:45.440 --> 1:01:48.440 not given to it. So like I just don't know 1:01:48.520 --> 1:01:52.640 if I should create some distance for him to heal 1:01:53.400 --> 1:01:57.520 and give him that time, or if I should like 1:01:58.040 --> 1:02:00.520 not abandon shit, but like. 1:02:00.400 --> 1:02:01.120 Give it a break. 1:02:02.320 --> 1:02:04.320 But he says that he really enjoys my company, and 1:02:04.360 --> 1:02:05.760 like he says all these nice things. 1:02:06.800 --> 1:02:09.760 Can I interrupt you for a second. Yeah, who is 1:02:09.800 --> 1:02:12.960 whistling in the background behind you? Oh? 1:02:13.040 --> 1:02:14.000 I have a bird? 1:02:14.320 --> 1:02:16.160 Oh well, you have a bird? 1:02:16.920 --> 1:02:17.440 Yeah? 1:02:17.520 --> 1:02:18.560 I thought that was like a guy. 1:02:20.160 --> 1:02:22.680 No, no, no, no, I have I have a talk 1:02:22.720 --> 1:02:23.000 of teal. 1:02:24.280 --> 1:02:26.480 Okay, he's like whistling like a human being. That's kind 1:02:26.480 --> 1:02:27.680 of a that's uncanny. 1:02:29.160 --> 1:02:32.040 Yeah, he likes just saying if you're happy and you 1:02:32.080 --> 1:02:34.120 know it, he says, what the fuck. 1:02:35.440 --> 1:02:36.320 That he can talk. 1:02:38.000 --> 1:02:41.000 Kind of it's not like talking talking like you know, 1:02:41.040 --> 1:02:44.439 like with bigger parrots, like you can actually make out 1:02:44.880 --> 1:02:48.400 complete sentences that they're making. Like he kind of he 1:02:48.480 --> 1:02:49.680 understands his phonics. 1:02:49.840 --> 1:02:51.720 I guess. 1:02:52.680 --> 1:02:55.360 I'm so, I'm he really sounds like a real human 1:02:55.360 --> 1:02:58.840 being that's whistling in the background. Okay, anyway, all right, 1:02:58.920 --> 1:03:02.240 this guy, Well, I mean, look, this guy told you 1:03:02.240 --> 1:03:04.000 you got to believe when you got to believe him 1:03:04.000 --> 1:03:06.760 when he tells you these things, right, I mean, this guy, 1:03:06.880 --> 1:03:11.080 he says he just wants to be friends. You two 1:03:11.080 --> 1:03:15.760 are clearly uh not on the same level of investment, 1:03:16.280 --> 1:03:18.200 or not even not on the same level investment. You 1:03:18.240 --> 1:03:21.760 guys are on like different planets of investment. You're on 1:03:21.840 --> 1:03:26.440 like opposites. And also you you haven't even known this 1:03:26.480 --> 1:03:27.400 guy for that long have you? 1:03:28.760 --> 1:03:32.840 I mean we've known each other for I want to say, 1:03:32.880 --> 1:03:34.160 like seven years. 1:03:34.400 --> 1:03:36.680 Oh shit, Okay, have you like been in love with you? 1:03:36.720 --> 1:03:39.480 And there's a lot of proximity and like overlap with 1:03:39.520 --> 1:03:40.520 our friend groups. 1:03:40.720 --> 1:03:42.000 Oh okay, So. 1:03:44.040 --> 1:03:47.640 Yeah, I've like witnessed him through different relationships and like 1:03:47.680 --> 1:03:51.680 I've heard things and I'm like, damn this man then 1:03:51.720 --> 1:03:56.720 through the fucking ringer. But I'm not trying to like 1:03:56.800 --> 1:03:58.160 six minute or anything either. 1:03:58.720 --> 1:04:05.320 Well, yeah, I mean I think that this stuff should 1:04:05.320 --> 1:04:10.320 be easy. Right, So if there's this seems like there's 1:04:10.360 --> 1:04:14.000 too much this seems like to be too much distance 1:04:14.080 --> 1:04:17.760 between you guys in terms of what you actually are desiring. 1:04:18.240 --> 1:04:19.560 And it's not like this is a guy that you've 1:04:19.600 --> 1:04:21.240 been I mean, you've known him for a while, but 1:04:21.280 --> 1:04:23.520 it's not like he's been your boyfriend for you know, 1:04:23.640 --> 1:04:26.560 seven years and you want to try to bring things out. 1:04:26.880 --> 1:04:32.320 So yeah, I would probably I would. I would. I 1:04:32.320 --> 1:04:35.400 would uh do an audit to see if this relationship 1:04:35.480 --> 1:04:38.760 is causing more of a benefit or more of a 1:04:38.800 --> 1:04:42.840 strife to you, and then act upon that information. 1:04:44.240 --> 1:04:44.720 M hmmm. 1:04:44.840 --> 1:04:48.560 I think there's definitely like some benefit because I don't know, 1:04:48.640 --> 1:04:51.080 I kind of take everything that I encounters the lesson. 1:04:53.600 --> 1:04:58.240 I mean, I've been through years of therapy, so I 1:04:58.280 --> 1:05:01.800 think the good thing about it is like I'm learning 1:05:01.840 --> 1:05:05.120 how to slow down. But there's like that one part 1:05:05.120 --> 1:05:10.680 of me that's like, dude, it's gonna move on, let's go. 1:05:11.320 --> 1:05:12.120 It's not that deep. 1:05:12.240 --> 1:05:14.120 But yeah, but you can't. Yeah, but he's not. He 1:05:14.120 --> 1:05:15.680 doesn't want you can't make him give that to you. 1:05:15.680 --> 1:05:18.760 You know. Yes, he sounds like he wants to just 1:05:19.000 --> 1:05:20.080 like chill. 1:05:21.400 --> 1:05:22.600 Yeah, oh for sure. 1:05:23.080 --> 1:05:28.680 Mm hmm. Where'd you get a bird? 1:05:31.360 --> 1:05:34.680 I got him from a like a mom and pop shop. 1:05:36.080 --> 1:05:40.320 He's two years old. I've had him since he was hatched. 1:05:42.240 --> 1:05:46.840 Now he's freaking out, but yeah, he's just he's just 1:05:46.880 --> 1:05:47.640 a little baby. 1:05:48.080 --> 1:05:50.520 What's the rest of what's your life like outside of this? 1:05:50.960 --> 1:05:52.320 After you graduated from school? 1:05:54.520 --> 1:06:01.240 So I graduated with my bachelor's in psychology. I am 1:06:01.280 --> 1:06:05.840 a nursing student in an accelerated program, and I also 1:06:06.000 --> 1:06:09.800 work at a law firm. So I'm all over the place. 1:06:10.120 --> 1:06:11.440 That's pretty good. All right, you got a good you 1:06:11.480 --> 1:06:14.600 got a good life. Don't uh, don't don't get too 1:06:14.640 --> 1:06:20.440 distracted from it. That's what I'll say. Yeah, you want 1:06:20.440 --> 1:06:22.440 to say to the people of the computer before we go, 1:06:22.480 --> 1:06:24.160 I'm sorry I cut you off. You're about to say something. 1:06:25.200 --> 1:06:29.480 No, it's okay. All I would say is wrap it 1:06:29.600 --> 1:06:33.760 before you tap it and be kind to everybody because 1:06:33.760 --> 1:06:34.880 you don't know what they're going through. 1:06:36.000 --> 1:06:41.200 Welcome. What's your name again, Maria, Maria, Thanks for calling Maria. 1:06:42.680 --> 1:06:43.280 Have a good day. 1:06:43.280 --> 1:06:47.760 Gek goes on the line 1:06:49.400 --> 1:06:52.880 Every staging.