Speaker 1: Hey, guys, I'm Kaylie Short and this is too much
Speaker 1: to say, but questions it out you. Okay, So this
Speaker 1: week's episode is on something that I feel like we
Speaker 1: can all relate to, which is you never know what
Speaker 1: other people have going on. And it ties back to
Speaker 1: that old cliche you can't judge a book by its cover,
Speaker 1: but you can't judge somebody's life by how it looks
Speaker 1: from the outside because you really never know. And if
Speaker 1: somebody's going through something really difficult, the chances of them
Speaker 1: opening up to every single person that they see about
Speaker 1: it is very rare and honestly just impossible. Like I'm
Speaker 1: a very open person. That's why my album is called
Speaker 1: Open Book, and I write about all of these things
Speaker 1: that are very um, you know, very personal to me
Speaker 1: and a lot of the difficult things I've gone through.
Speaker 1: But it's still there's so much like that really only
Speaker 1: scratches the surface of the things that I deal with.
Speaker 1: And I have had a really crazy past few weeks
Speaker 1: dealing with some family stuff, and it's just it's hard
Speaker 1: because like, okay, so, like you have somebody who isn't
Speaker 1: responsive or they have to call out of work, or um,
Speaker 1: they just they do something to quote unquote let you down,
Speaker 1: and they're like, oh, you know, I just had some
Speaker 1: family drama. And it's so easy to assume like, okay,
Speaker 1: like we all have family drama, but when somebody says
Speaker 1: something like that, like it could be huge, you know.
Speaker 1: I mean I know people who have said something like
Speaker 1: that when they found out that their mom had cancer
Speaker 1: because they just don't want to get into it. And also,
Speaker 1: you don't really owe anybody an explanat planation when it
Speaker 1: comes to something like that. And it just got me
Speaker 1: thinking about all the times in my life that I've
Speaker 1: been presenting as I was living a life that was
Speaker 1: not anywhere close to what was actually going on. And
Speaker 1: there's this person I follow on Instagram named mix zas
Speaker 1: On and she's so great. She's very like um body
Speaker 1: positivity focus. She's in recovery from a needing disorder and
Speaker 1: just post these very like real raw things. And it's
Speaker 1: so important to see people without filters, because I find
Speaker 1: myself these days like seeing filters and being like, for
Speaker 1: like the first time in my life, being like, should
Speaker 1: I like do something in my face? Like sho, should
Speaker 1: I get something fixed? And it's like because I'm seeing
Speaker 1: people with not real faces and then you see them
Speaker 1: in person, You're like, wow, that is not what you
Speaker 1: look like. And that's like a microcosm for this greater issue.
Speaker 1: But um Mick posted a thing like a real that
Speaker 1: was like what was happening when these photos were taken?
Speaker 1: And it was like the story behind these photos. And
Speaker 1: one of them was like a picture of her looking
Speaker 1: super happy on a boat and like in a bathing suit,
Speaker 1: and it was like I hadn't eaten for three days,
Speaker 1: and I um photo shopped the ship out of this
Speaker 1: like face doing the ship out of it, and you
Speaker 1: just don't realize that that's happening because it's like, I mean,
Speaker 1: I know that we all know this about Instagram. I
Speaker 1: know that we know that it's people's highlight reel, but
Speaker 1: you just you just the more you think about it,
Speaker 1: the more layers, the more like just insane. It gets
Speaker 1: to like the extent that of which we do that.
Speaker 1: And so I was looking back at some of my
Speaker 1: old Instagram posts and I was like thinking about the
Speaker 1: story behind them and the things that we're going on,
Speaker 1: and it just doesn't line up to what I'm posting
Speaker 1: on Instagram. And also, like I don't know what the
Speaker 1: solution is in that sense, because it's like do you
Speaker 1: post something on Instagram and be like, I'm having the
Speaker 1: worst time ever. Here's all this stuff that's going on
Speaker 1: with me, Like it's not really anybody's business. So I
Speaker 1: think that the solution isn't so much like it's not
Speaker 1: so much too like be completely transparent, but it's to
Speaker 1: understand that everybody else isn't going to be completely transparent
Speaker 1: and that's okay, and to just treat people with you know, compassion.
Speaker 1: So I'm going to share some specific examples when we
Speaker 1: come back about times that this has happened to me
Speaker 1: and tell the story behind some of my Instagram posts. Okay,
Speaker 1: we are back, and I've told this story before on
Speaker 1: the podcast because it just feels like such a like
Speaker 1: great example of this. Then you know, you never know
Speaker 1: what people have going on phenomena. But um, there was
Speaker 1: a time like right after my sister passed away and
Speaker 1: I was going to alter because I had to return
Speaker 1: something and I was just like I was a zombie,
Speaker 1: like I was not functioning. It was like the first
Speaker 1: time I think i'd like honestly like got like put
Speaker 1: on pants in days like I've just been like in
Speaker 1: a robe, crying and like not eating and not in
Speaker 1: like an eating disorder way, but like in a um
Speaker 1: just like forgetting that I had bodily needs, you know,
Speaker 1: like not showering, like just worst worst, like just completely
Speaker 1: let myself go. And I had to go to Alta
Speaker 1: and so I remember like just being in a daze
Speaker 1: and just not like just being so foggy and out
Speaker 1: of it. And I walked the door and somebody held
Speaker 1: the door for me and I didn't notice, and they
Speaker 1: were like, um, you're supposed to say thank you, and
Speaker 1: I just looked at them and I was like, oh
Speaker 1: my god. I could just like because what you know,
Speaker 1: like I could unload on them right then and I
Speaker 1: could be like, Okay, well, you know, three days ago,
Speaker 1: my sister just died and left two children orphan, and
Speaker 1: now I'm stressed because I think I'm gonna have to
Speaker 1: take them in one day and I'm absolutely unraveling and
Speaker 1: the funerals in two days and I'm flying out tomorrow.
Speaker 1: So like, but I'm not going to say all that.
Speaker 1: It's not the fucking persons business. But they chose to
Speaker 1: like react. You just don't know. Someone cuts you off
Speaker 1: in traffic. Maybe they're like on their way to the
Speaker 1: hospital and like or they're like running late to something
Speaker 1: really really important, and you just like it's just not
Speaker 1: worth it to assume that everything is a personal front
Speaker 1: because so much, so often it has so much less
Speaker 1: to do with you and more to do with what's
Speaker 1: going on in that person's life, And especially if it's
Speaker 1: somebody you don't know very well. It's like if someone
Speaker 1: isn't responding to your text messages. This is my biggest
Speaker 1: pet peeve is when like people are like very quick
Speaker 1: to get upset with someone for not responding, because like
Speaker 1: if I don't respond to text messages, which I know
Speaker 1: I'm bad at it, but like I'm constantly overwhelmed, and
Speaker 1: that is the first thing to fall to the wayside
Speaker 1: is responding because I just like get really anxious looking
Speaker 1: at my phone, and in order to function in like
Speaker 1: real life, which at the end of the day is
Speaker 1: what matters, I need to like put my phone down,
Speaker 1: or like, if I have it, put it on, do
Speaker 1: not just sturt u and play a crossword puzzle like
Speaker 1: that's I'm not I'm actually not on my phone twenty
Speaker 1: four seven. So people are like you can respond you're
Speaker 1: on your phone. I'm like, I'm not. I'm literally not.
Speaker 1: I hate I hate being on my phone unless I'm
Speaker 1: doing a like word or a cross word, like I
Speaker 1: love reading books, like physical books, Like I don't like
Speaker 1: the books that much because I have to look at
Speaker 1: a screen to do it. So like, if I want
Speaker 1: to unlind, I'm reading a physical book, Like, I don't
Speaker 1: want to look at a screen if I don't have to.
Speaker 1: And so like that was just I mean, it gave
Speaker 1: me a wake up call because I was irritated at
Speaker 1: that person obviously, but the real, the real lesson there
Speaker 1: to me was like, oh my god, if somebody's ever
Speaker 1: rude to me and like doesn't wave back or you know,
Speaker 1: doesn't hold the door or whatever, like they could be
Speaker 1: having the worst day of their life. You just literally
Speaker 1: never know. And so I, in um the spirit of
Speaker 1: what mix Sason did, I wanted to go through some
Speaker 1: of my old instagrams and like talk about what was
Speaker 1: going on. So there's this one that I posted on
Speaker 1: May and I had just gotten to play the rheyman
Speaker 1: um it was it was the first time I ever
Speaker 1: played the Rhememan. It was for opera country classics. So
Speaker 1: I covered like two old school country songs. I did
Speaker 1: um it Wasn't God who made Hockey took Angels? And
Speaker 1: I did uh oh to Billy Jump. It was so
Speaker 1: fun and it was like absolutely magical, and I loved
Speaker 1: my outfit. I was wearing these hollographic go go boots
Speaker 1: and I looked like really sixties, and I, you know,
Speaker 1: post a caption about how I was like so happy
Speaker 1: and like felt so loved and it was like the
Speaker 1: best sound I'd ever felt like or heard on stage,
Speaker 1: and all that was true. But also I had just
Speaker 1: broken up with my boyfriend of six years and had
Speaker 1: like three days before, you know, had him get physical
Speaker 1: and like shake me up against the bathtub and after
Speaker 1: cheating on me, and I'm like absolutely unraveling, and I
Speaker 1: found this bright bought in the middle of everything. But
Speaker 1: they also like when you're looking at that picture, you
Speaker 1: can't see that my best friend at the time got
Speaker 1: angry at me for saying yes to playing the rieman
Speaker 1: because I was missing out on her birthday dinner and
Speaker 1: like was pissed at me. And so I'm like trying
Speaker 1: to balance all of that, and I'm like watching this
Speaker 1: friendship kind of deteriorate, and I'm watching this like relationship
Speaker 1: deteriorate and feeling all this pressure. But I just post
Speaker 1: something my cute outfit talking about how much I love
Speaker 1: playing the Raemen and you just don't fucking no right.
Speaker 1: And there's like so many more examples of this. I mean,
Speaker 1: I definitely feel like the breakup was a big part
Speaker 1: of that. UM. I mean, there's like there's been times
Speaker 1: that I've posted something on Instagram, like I played this. Um.
Speaker 1: The first time I ever posted my song Lullaby was
Speaker 1: September and I was feeling so low, Like that was
Speaker 1: probably the worst point of that breakup for me. I
Speaker 1: think it had like sunk in at that point, and
Speaker 1: I was just at home crying in front of my piano,
Speaker 1: which was one of my former favorite activities. It still
Speaker 1: happens every once in a while. UM, but yeah, that
Speaker 1: was like a really really really bad time. Oh and
Speaker 1: then also like a lot of drama happens around the Rheman.
Speaker 1: But there was the next time I played the Rheman
Speaker 1: was in December, and this one, I suppose I was
Speaker 1: a little honest, but it was like December, and I said,
Speaker 1: life is a lot of things, messy, magic, overwhelming, but
Speaker 1: mostly it's beautiful. And the messy part I was referring
Speaker 1: to was the fact that the night that I played
Speaker 1: The Rheman and was celebrating and during my very special
Speaker 1: red Billbona Satin Pants, I went out to a bar
Speaker 1: with my friend, ran into my ex boyfriend for like
Speaker 1: one of the first time since we broke up, and
Speaker 1: went home with him and had like a horrible evening
Speaker 1: where we just like it was, I mean, we hooked up,
Speaker 1: but it was just like clearly me hurting myself on
Speaker 1: purpose by doing that. There was nothing like truly intimate
Speaker 1: about it. It It was like me going over there so
Speaker 1: I could like have someone treat me as shitty as
Speaker 1: I felt like I deserved to be treated at that point.
Speaker 1: But you know, supposed to keep picture in front of
Speaker 1: the Rhyman God. The Ryman was like a dramatic time um.
Speaker 1: And then I mean, I was pretty publicly open when
Speaker 1: my sister passed away, But the week that someone dies
Speaker 1: isn't when you feel the worst about it. You're honestly
Speaker 1: still processing, so you just like, I mean, the biggest
Speaker 1: example of that, though, was when I shot the Awake
Speaker 1: Pop mix music video that was two days after my
Speaker 1: sister had died, and I had to like be in
Speaker 1: a music video, so I really really had to turn
Speaker 1: on the like I'm fake happy for this music video thing,
Speaker 1: and you just don't you don't see that. You don't
Speaker 1: see the fact that I was like crying in my
Speaker 1: car for two hours before we shot and I had
Speaker 1: to retouch my makeup and was reading tabloid articles about
Speaker 1: her dying while I'm on the music video shoot. It
Speaker 1: was like the most surreal thing ever and you just
Speaker 1: you just don't freaking no. And then, um, well another
Speaker 1: another big one was on my birthday in or twenty nineteen.
Speaker 1: Sorry my birthday and twenty nineteen, I turned and um
Speaker 1: the night you know, I'm posting about my Sex and
Speaker 1: the City theme birthday party and how fun it was
Speaker 1: and had such a blast, And the truth of it was,
Speaker 1: I had Yeah, I was thanks for all the birthday wishes, guys.
Speaker 1: It's probably the best birthday party I've ever had. Um.
Speaker 1: We put on our carry Bradshaw best, drank too many cosmos,
Speaker 1: and I got iced in one of my presents, like ice.
Speaker 1: So so thankful to my friends for always being willing
Speaker 1: to dress up for a theme party, take too many
Speaker 1: tekil shots, and also volunteered to hold up their flashlights
Speaker 1: so we can get the perfect rooftop photo. Thankful, happy,
Speaker 1: and maybe still a bit hungover. And that was the fifteen.
Speaker 1: In July twelfth, nineteen, I posted a video of me
Speaker 1: and Candy backstage at the Opry when I had gone
Speaker 1: to their opera debut and just how proud I was
Speaker 1: of them. And literally the day before that, on my
Speaker 1: actual birthday, like I had been sexually assaulted. Like you
Speaker 1: don't see that on Instagram, And that was like one
Speaker 1: of the worst mental places I've ever been in because
Speaker 1: so much of it was outside of my mind and
Speaker 1: it was just like my body reacting. Like when I
Speaker 1: drove to the opera that night to go see Candy,
Speaker 1: I blacked out on the highway and like just woke
Speaker 1: up like ten minutes later. I was like at the
Speaker 1: opera and it was the scariest thing ever because I
Speaker 1: had no memory of how I got there. I hadn't
Speaker 1: drink anything. It was just like a full Like I
Speaker 1: just think that That's what people you haven't been assaulted
Speaker 1: don't understand, is so much of your reaction is out
Speaker 1: of your control because it's not mental, it's physical, and
Speaker 1: it's like you feel this residual, like I have no
Speaker 1: control of my body. People can do anything they want
Speaker 1: to it at any time, Like there's no privacy. I'm
Speaker 1: not even at home in my own body. It's been
Speaker 1: you know, I felt violated. There's been an intruder, all
Speaker 1: of that, and you don't see it on Instagram. Get
Speaker 1: Just so the past few weeks, I've been dealing with
Speaker 1: some UM, dealing with some on my drama and I'm
Speaker 1: only gonna get into a little bit because I just
Speaker 1: don't feel like we're vomiting all of not even that
Speaker 1: it's my business, it's other people's business too. But I've
Speaker 1: been UM trying to take care of my niece and
Speaker 1: nephew from Afar, the ones who are my sisters kids
Speaker 1: UM who passed away, and there was some very major
Speaker 1: life decisions for them that I think that their caregiver
Speaker 1: is making the wrong ones. And just there was like
Speaker 1: one morning that there were like several warnings where I
Speaker 1: was on the phone with like different um like school
Speaker 1: system stuff and whatever, like just a lot of administrative things,
Speaker 1: and I was on the phone with those people for
Speaker 1: like three to four hours every morning for like a
Speaker 1: week straight. And it's an Eastern time, so I had
Speaker 1: to get up like really early because like eight am
Speaker 1: my time is still like I mean, it's already like
Speaker 1: school lunchtime there. So I'm dealing with all that and
Speaker 1: having a crisis and you know, um realizing that the
Speaker 1: day is just getting closer and closer, where like I'm
Speaker 1: going to have to take them in and ultimately, like
Speaker 1: my my dad is seventy three and these kids are
Speaker 1: eight and thirteen, and I'm the only person in my
Speaker 1: family who can take care of them, and the fact
Speaker 1: that I'm that person and I'm the youngest is so stressful.
Speaker 1: And so I'm dealing with all this and like you know,
Speaker 1: I have like people bothering me about like just things
Speaker 1: that don't matter and and little little things and then
Speaker 1: getting annoyed that I'm not excited enough about something that
Speaker 1: they told me about, and I'm like, I just like
Speaker 1: I love you so much, Like I'm not being mean,
Speaker 1: and I feel like that's the best I can do
Speaker 1: right now. Like I'm not I'm not being rude, I'm
Speaker 1: not saying anything negative. I'm just like maybe not reacting
Speaker 1: like a truly ecstatic happy person, because I'm not a
Speaker 1: truly ecstatic happy person, And just the pressure that people
Speaker 1: can put on you and and also not ask you
Speaker 1: how you are, that's very hard when you have friends
Speaker 1: like that. Um, I find that I'm that kind of friend,
Speaker 1: but I also try to not. I I don't put
Speaker 1: my stuff on people without asking them how they are
Speaker 1: and also asking them if they're in a place to
Speaker 1: handle it. So it's like when you have a friend
Speaker 1: who always needs you, but they're not there when you
Speaker 1: need them. Like that's the problem. I don't mind when
Speaker 1: people don't ask me how I'm doing, it's when they
Speaker 1: expect me to always ask them how they're doing. It's
Speaker 1: just double standards. Like I have plenty of friends and
Speaker 1: I don't talk to all the time, but then when
Speaker 1: we're together, it's really really special. And like I love
Speaker 1: those friendships there. They're like high loyalty but low maintenance.
Speaker 1: And I think as you get older, that's a really
Speaker 1: important kind of friend because like you just you just
Speaker 1: hang out with your friends less the older you get.
Speaker 1: I mean, I still like very social and I have
Speaker 1: roommates and stuff, so I see my friends a lot,
Speaker 1: but definitely less than I did when I was twenty
Speaker 1: two and I was like seeing my friends every single
Speaker 1: day and it's um, that's really hard too, and I
Speaker 1: just am like, somebody's a really close friend and they
Speaker 1: don't understand that they might not know everything that's going
Speaker 1: on in your life, especially because they're not asking like that.
Speaker 1: That is not a fun feeling. So all of that
Speaker 1: being said, be gentle with people you really, really really
Speaker 1: don't know. The happiest person on the planet could have
Speaker 1: been having you know, suicidal thoughts to night before. You
Speaker 1: literally never ever ever know, So be nice to people,
Speaker 1: give them hugs, Tell the people you love that you
Speaker 1: love them. And we will be back next week. I'm
Speaker 1: really sure. And this is too much to say, but
Speaker 1: don't go ask me questions you done answer to. I've
Speaker 1: got to say now I'll turn it out of you.
Speaker 1: You