Speaker 1: Whine Down with Janet Kramer and iHeart Radio Podcast.
Speaker 2: Hello, okay, hot Mike, I guys, Sorry, that was just
Speaker 2: Catherine just checking in.
Speaker 1: I thought I laughed and then it didn't register, so
Speaker 1: I was like, oh no, I don't think my mic
Speaker 1: is on.
Speaker 3: No, it's on check check one. Let you doing great.
Speaker 4: That was a great entrance. I like that.
Speaker 3: We should be that every time. Just go he hello
Speaker 3: a little.
Speaker 4: Hey you guys listening? Are we there? Oh? Man? Where
Speaker 4: do we even begin on today's episode? Where would you
Speaker 4: like to start? Crammer? I don't know.
Speaker 2: I'd like to start with something called sacrificial lamb. Cat
Speaker 2: we missed you last night.
Speaker 3: Oh yeah, sorry, I can't make it.
Speaker 2: I it's funny because I want to believe you because
Speaker 2: I love you, But it just didn't sound like it's
Speaker 2: supposed to be out of town.
Speaker 4: Yeah, yeah, you have to assume. Yeah, it was the
Speaker 4: whole thing. What is with.
Speaker 2: Well, it's part of this is whinying about it, and
Speaker 2: I don't I will, I'll pin that piece, but remind me.
Speaker 3: Okay, I'll remind you. Anyways, going on, moving on.
Speaker 4: Well, there's a lot going on you guys.
Speaker 2: After that last show, everything hit the fan. It was
Speaker 2: like a member. It was wild where yeah I was.
Speaker 2: I was kind of stressed and crazy leaving for the movie, right,
Speaker 2: and then an hour before I left for Kentucky, Oh.
Speaker 3: Yeah, I was like wait what, oh yeah.
Speaker 2: Alan and I had to fire our nanny and it
Speaker 2: was like wild wild wild wild, but uh so we are,
Speaker 2: which I do. Just think it is hilarious because I
Speaker 2: left here and I was driving and I leave you
Speaker 2: this voice memo and I'm like, I just want you
Speaker 2: to know I love you, and I feel like you're
Speaker 2: doing great and everything's gonna work out, like I because
Speaker 2: I feel that residual, like I feel the residual pea
Speaker 2: bottom falling out, can't trust anyone like I just know
Speaker 2: that feeling so well. And I was like, I'm just
Speaker 2: going to reiterate, like maybe if we just keep telling
Speaker 2: ourselves enough, you know, and each other enough.
Speaker 3: Like twenty minutes later, you're like, god left.
Speaker 4: I mean, I mean, the bottom doesn't.
Speaker 1: Really foul out like you think you don't have it
Speaker 1: together now, let's just throw this in there.
Speaker 4: I know.
Speaker 2: It was just one of those where I because I
Speaker 2: ended up it was such a out of body experience
Speaker 2: where I had to voice memoy you guys to say
Speaker 2: I'm not overreacting, and then you guys were like, absolutely not.
Speaker 2: I mean, it was something happened that was so wildly
Speaker 2: inappropriate that she did with our son. And so I
Speaker 2: mean it was whether we because we do. I mean, shit,
Speaker 2: I was leaving for a movie and you know we
Speaker 2: don't have help leading up now being in the movie.
Speaker 2: And so but there's there's things that happen that you
Speaker 2: it's an immediate you're gone, yeah, and it's it's sad
Speaker 2: because and it was one of those things where I
Speaker 2: ended up I ended up texting her after I settled
Speaker 2: down because I didn't do the talking.
Speaker 4: I couldn't.
Speaker 2: I was so upset when I kind of heard and
Speaker 2: all this stuff, and so Alan did most of it,
Speaker 2: and I ended up texting that night because I think
Speaker 2: there are things that people do on a professional level
Speaker 2: that are so wrong, like what she did was so wrong,
Speaker 2: but on a human level. That's when I was like,
Speaker 2: you are young, and you know I do care about
Speaker 2: you so on a professional level that you know this
Speaker 2: is why obviously, and you know why. And she was like,
Speaker 2: I understand if you had to fire me, like she
Speaker 2: understood so like professional level, that was wrong, and you know,
Speaker 2: don't ever do that again with your next family.
Speaker 4: Human level.
Speaker 2: I care about you, you know, I hope you can
Speaker 2: heal from all of this that you have going on,
Speaker 2: and so I really tried to just because I'm like,
Speaker 2: I am older and you know I can. I could
Speaker 2: have funded the police with it, you know. But again
Speaker 2: I think there's profession, there's a human level. So but
Speaker 2: and then I wrote like a really nice message and
Speaker 2: was she receptive to it? She did not respond, and
Speaker 2: she blocked me because she probably knows what we could
Speaker 2: legally do. So but piece of me was like so
Speaker 2: annoyed that she didn't respond because I was like, I
Speaker 2: was so kind to you when you did something, so yeah,
Speaker 2: you could be like I could legally go to the
Speaker 2: police and have her arrested for she's.
Speaker 3: Worried about that.
Speaker 1: You would think that she would come back with like
Speaker 1: a kind like thank you for but.
Speaker 2: I think that just solidifies that, you know, be more
Speaker 2: on paper guilt right now? Well true, yeah, but I
Speaker 2: mean she blocked me, she didn't respond back, and that
Speaker 2: piece I was like, damn it, like I was trying
Speaker 2: to because I even was like I knew she wanted
Speaker 2: to be a facialist, so I even said, and when
Speaker 2: you book, so I was like, professional level, that was
Speaker 2: so wrong, and I'm so sad and I'm so disappointed
Speaker 2: human level. I care about you. I hope you heal
Speaker 2: from this. I hope you know that you should never
Speaker 2: you know, you know, be involved in this. And then
Speaker 2: I go, and if you ever follow your dreams of
Speaker 2: being a face, I hope I'm your first appointment that
Speaker 2: gets to book, like just being that's really I that
Speaker 2: was considered. Yeah, and then so then nothing and then
Speaker 2: I was like, oh my god, she blocked and well yeah,
Speaker 2: so I was kind of bumming out, but I also
Speaker 2: understood maybe like why, I mean, but whatever, So yeah,
Speaker 2: that's that.
Speaker 4: That would bother me. It did bother im right now.
Speaker 2: But it did bother me because I was like, I
Speaker 2: could have went way off.
Speaker 3: And remind me, you weren't even in there when she got.
Speaker 2: Fired the first time that she I was in there.
Speaker 2: That when Alan found out, because Alan found out before
Speaker 2: me of what happened, and she lied about it. The
Speaker 2: second time when we got more information and we called
Speaker 2: her in, that's when I was in and that's when
Speaker 2: we fired her.
Speaker 3: Yeah, gotcha.
Speaker 4: Mm hmmm.
Speaker 2: So but I let Alan do the most of the
Speaker 2: docking because I was, yeah, spoiling. But that goes to
Speaker 2: the part where it's so hard to trust m people
Speaker 2: the hardest. Yeah, but anyway, that's right, children, Oh my goodness, And.
Speaker 1: That's that's even my thing. I'm like to me, if
Speaker 1: anything feels off with someone that's watching your children, it
Speaker 1: could be super extreme, it could be not that extreme,
Speaker 1: but you just don't feel.
Speaker 3: Right about it. You have every right.
Speaker 1: Yeah, I just will always feel that way, like it
Speaker 1: is your children. There's nothing more precious than that. And
Speaker 1: if you're not comfortable with something that has happened, you
Speaker 1: have every right to let them go.
Speaker 4: Yeah.
Speaker 2: I think it's just kind of a stressful time because
Speaker 2: this at this stage while I'm recording right now, I'm like,
Speaker 2: we have nobody and Alan has to work.
Speaker 4: I can't cancel my movie, you know. So it's like
Speaker 4: written into the script literally like Okay, all of a sudden,
Speaker 4: now I'm a mom in the movie.
Speaker 3: Like she has to go, but like, what are we
Speaker 3: going to do?
Speaker 2: He's got clinics and now he's he got a new
Speaker 2: job doing something else that I can't shaw you up
Speaker 2: very excited, like very excited about for him, and so
Speaker 2: we're just like, you know, we've got a really great
Speaker 2: two sitters that kind of helped us when he was younger,
Speaker 2: so they've been helping out. But they don't want to
Speaker 2: do full time. They don't want to do thirty hours,
Speaker 2: and I need at least thirty So we're just kind
Speaker 2: of figure piecing it together right now and trying to
Speaker 2: figure it out. And we were meeting with uh someone
Speaker 2: actually today and you know, she the girl was like,
Speaker 2: do you have any you know, any requirements. I'm like, well,
Speaker 2: as long as you don't do and then she's like, whoa,
Speaker 2: She's like definitely not.
Speaker 4: I'm like, well, then we're good. Yeah, bar is actually
Speaker 4: real low rite.
Speaker 1: Now, what about frustrating the one that you almost hired
Speaker 1: that wanted more time to take another job?
Speaker 4: Probably I don't want full time?
Speaker 1: Well you just said full time you needed for thirty hours, okay,
Speaker 1: so not like forty hours, yeah, thirty hours because.
Speaker 2: I like to have my day. I like to have
Speaker 2: one or two days with it, you know what I mean,
Speaker 2: day and a half of them. So during the week
Speaker 2: because I don't really I don't need every day, right,
Speaker 2: So yeah, we're we're back to this conversation guys that
Speaker 2: we've had.
Speaker 4: That's all it's on in my life.
Speaker 1: So you know, I feel like you just left for
Speaker 1: the movie. You're like back and you literally went for
Speaker 1: a day.
Speaker 4: Guys.
Speaker 2: It was so much fun. We were at the Keenland Races.
Speaker 2: It was so awesome. But then I leave back to
Speaker 2: go to Kentucky because I wanted to go to Yeah,
Speaker 2: pretty much, I wanted to go to the Hope Grows
Speaker 2: event last night for our therapy center.
Speaker 4: You were supposed to be there. By the way, who
Speaker 4: has my Hope Award? Do you have it? I don't
Speaker 4: have her. I definitely don't have it because I wasn't there.
Speaker 4: So last year we should catch them up.
Speaker 2: So last year the podcast as a whole received We
Speaker 2: received the Hope Award, which is people that are doing
Speaker 2: work in the community talking about mental health, and our
Speaker 2: podcast was Us Girls. We were the Hope Award winners
Speaker 2: along with Jason Waller for his work that he's done
Speaker 2: around mental health. And so I wasn't able to be
Speaker 2: there because I was shooting gas lip by my husband,
Speaker 2: and so I sent in a video. You girls accepted
Speaker 2: the award and that is the speech. So this one
Speaker 2: was next year, we were passing on the Hope Award.
Speaker 2: It's our job to go up and present it to
Speaker 2: the next recipient. And person is very upset with me.
Speaker 3: I was gonna say, how to go?
Speaker 4: I thought to agree. I want to just repeat it was
Speaker 4: our job to go. Okay, this is okay. We needed you.
Speaker 4: I even looked at your last night. You wouldn't have
Speaker 4: said anything Splitsville with me.
Speaker 3: I did have to last year, and I really wanted
Speaker 3: to puke you split well. I had to say something.
Speaker 2: Yeah, I did say something accepting an award for sure,
Speaker 2: this is different.
Speaker 1: All I remember is my rings going to target last year.
Speaker 1: I don't know that's right.
Speaker 3: I do need you to.
Speaker 2: Really put on your objective lens. When Kramer tells you
Speaker 2: her version.
Speaker 3: You're putting me in the middle. Okay, tell me what happened?
Speaker 1: Wait, wait, can I hear let's let's let's start with
Speaker 1: one version in the other version, where do we start?
Speaker 2: We had no what what from my knowledge of it is,
Speaker 2: did you know the rundown of the show?
Speaker 4: They did email us out? Okay, I'm so sorry.
Speaker 2: I've been trying to study an entire script.
Speaker 4: No, this isn't me throwing you under.
Speaker 2: The bus, because I also had to search award in
Speaker 2: my email and like cram for the test yesterday. Once
Speaker 2: they said they wanted us at five, I was like, okay,
Speaker 2: I need like a grip on this night, Like I
Speaker 2: that's where I'm at.
Speaker 4: I didn't even know the location.
Speaker 2: Yeah, same, I was like, is this the Rolling Hills
Speaker 2: Church in Franklin or in Nolan'sville?
Speaker 4: You know?
Speaker 2: But also and I just I just knew that we
Speaker 2: were giving me award to the Next Hope Award winner,
Speaker 2: So we didn't know. Even Jason Waller calls me. I
Speaker 2: was in Keenland at the races and Jason's got calling
Speaker 2: and we were in a break and like hey buddy,
Speaker 2: He's like, hey, so what are we doing?
Speaker 4: And I was like, what do you mean? He's like, oh,
Speaker 4: for the for the Hope Wars.
Speaker 2: Like, I don't know, probably just gonna say like and
Speaker 2: the next people are or whatever. Because last year Amy
Speaker 2: did the rundown of everybody, right, so I thought she
Speaker 2: was going to do the rundown again. They'll probably go back,
Speaker 2: She'll probably go back like again, nobody really told us
Speaker 2: anything until last second, so we just kind of thought
Speaker 2: we were all going to be up there. But then
Speaker 2: when we got there and we were trying to figure
Speaker 2: out what we're going to say, and I'm like, she's funny.
Speaker 4: You just go with it.
Speaker 3: Oh, y'all had to come up with something to say.
Speaker 2: But we didn't know because we didn't know they send
Speaker 2: us her bio to learn about her, and I thought
Speaker 2: they just sent it so that we could like know what,
Speaker 2: like the capacity.
Speaker 4: In which and why she's nominated.
Speaker 3: Right.
Speaker 4: Yeah.
Speaker 2: I also was I misunderstood and thought Jason was also
Speaker 2: presenting to our person name, but then we found out
Speaker 2: he's like, oh, no, I'm just I'm I guess I'm
Speaker 2: just presenting to Ben Zobrist, who was a base former
Speaker 2: professional baseball player and he's doing a lot of stuff
Speaker 2: around mental health as well. He's got a foundation, and
Speaker 2: so he he's like, yeah, I'm just reading his thing,
Speaker 2: and we're like, oh, okay, we didn't know. We didn't
Speaker 2: know the timing, we didn't know when to go up.
Speaker 2: I mean, it was like we had no literally no idea,
Speaker 2: and so Christen's like, you know, do you want to
Speaker 2: take the second part? I was like, no, just you
Speaker 2: just read the whole thing, like it's two paragraphs, like
Speaker 2: you got it. Because in my mind, when I watch
Speaker 2: presentations and you're at this point of the program, it's
Speaker 2: it's a it's worth.
Speaker 4: It's least, it's ish, it's long, yeah.
Speaker 2: Right, And so someone hasn't and then someone moves the
Speaker 2: mic to them, to them, you know, and it's like
Speaker 2: to me when I watch those things, I'm like, just
Speaker 2: send one representative, like just you know, unless it's something
Speaker 2: they want to share, a meaningful story, fine, whatever, but
Speaker 2: like just send the one person.
Speaker 4: So I'm like I'll be up there on.
Speaker 2: The stage with you, so like you already know the
Speaker 2: like the first part of it, like just just read
Speaker 2: both of it because like then for me to walk
Speaker 2: up or like for me to like and I didn't
Speaker 2: memorize it, by the way, I was just going to
Speaker 2: read that course like there's no yeah, but I'm saying that.
Speaker 1: I would have had a panic attack if I got
Speaker 1: there and was told that we should to say more than.
Speaker 2: I Yeah, just read the thing, and I'm like it's
Speaker 2: just like for for you just to read one and
Speaker 2: then for me to come in. It's just to me
Speaker 2: just felt kind of chunky and like chopped. So I
Speaker 2: just read the whole thing just because it's you know,
Speaker 2: I said, then you read the whole thing because it's
Speaker 2: your podcast. But no, it was not me though we
Speaker 2: all got the award. That was my point. I'm like,
Speaker 2: it's not just and like that. That's the thing. I'm like, yes,
Speaker 2: I understand, it's it's not just my pos like, it's ours,
Speaker 2: Like you guys are you know on it too? You
Speaker 2: also got the award. It's not just me that got
Speaker 2: the award. You got the award last year. You got
Speaker 2: the award last year. So I'm like, and I don't
Speaker 2: always want to be front center, especially in those kind
Speaker 2: of things that you should like, you should be the
Speaker 2: you know whatever. I also hate speaking in Then.
Speaker 3: I'd do one thing real fast.
Speaker 2: Yeah, this same I was gonna like the only one
Speaker 2: that got the award, your name on the award.
Speaker 3: We actually so there's that.
Speaker 2: I don't even it's it's in Catherine's car somewhere under
Speaker 2: a seat, So why go through me? And they have
Speaker 2: given you the award and not I don't remember, Yeah,
Speaker 2: they definitely regardless, I don't know who they gave it.
Speaker 4: I didn't.
Speaker 3: I don't remember.
Speaker 2: It wasn't like they didn't really Amy just kind of
Speaker 2: called us all up together. So it's just was like weird,
Speaker 2: Like it was just weird, like I didn't know the
Speaker 2: run of it, wasn't organized in that piece of.
Speaker 1: It actually say real fast, I even remember last year
Speaker 1: not having a clue when we even went up, yeah,
Speaker 1: or like how we got up.
Speaker 2: And it or like a little bit even more I
Speaker 2: could this year, like to the point where like Jason
Speaker 2: introduces Ben and Ben stay seated and then Jason assos it.
Speaker 4: I thought he was coming. So that's why I was like,
Speaker 4: that's where I just like froze.
Speaker 2: I'm like, I phrase, and so then Jason's like ladies,
Speaker 2: and I was like, oh okay, Like but to have
Speaker 2: someone talk about you publicly and you just sit there
Speaker 2: and wait your turn. And then we talked about the
Speaker 2: other one publicly and then they both came up.
Speaker 4: No, we didn't need to wait, so did Janna?
Speaker 3: So you went up?
Speaker 1: I thought you said you did. You said went up, Sorry, okay,
Speaker 1: I'm following.
Speaker 3: She still thought. Then didn't go up.
Speaker 1: Yeh. Janna's so like Jana's wedding rested behind you and
Speaker 1: you talked got us. I'm there, yeah, no, no, no, I'm
Speaker 1: just setting one representative. Okay, so you said, so I
Speaker 1: even thought I'll ask. I was like, I bet sports Alan,
Speaker 1: you know, like coach Allen. I thought if I could
Speaker 1: just get in super striker mode if I was like, hey,
Speaker 1: you know, does Alan know that you're not talking all
Speaker 1: up there?
Speaker 2: You know? And she was like and I tapped on
Speaker 2: alan shoulder. I was like, is she's not going to talk?
Speaker 2: And he's like he whispers her a year.
Speaker 4: They laughed.
Speaker 2: She's like, yeah, I'm still not talking. I'm like, okay,
Speaker 2: I and she kept going, but I'm in the award.
Speaker 2: I was like, I was like, I'm the one giving
Speaker 2: the award, you know what I mean?
Speaker 4: Like that like that was like, actually I didn't.
Speaker 2: See the point of And I asked Alan after He's
Speaker 2: like it's like either way.
Speaker 4: He's like, you know, so.
Speaker 2: I said, I'm just reading it. You go read it.
Speaker 2: I just I'll stand there and hold the award. Didn't
Speaker 2: do it anyways. I called myself the sacrificial lamb. I
Speaker 2: was like, here we go, I'm back up there. And
Speaker 2: I was spicy coming in cat oh was She's spicy.
Speaker 2: She was spicy. I said, the irony that I'm on
Speaker 2: the verge of a mental breakdown going to a mental
Speaker 2: health advocacy program is like not lost, Tony. I was spicy,
Speaker 2: and I wanted to be in this like holy place
Speaker 2: where everyone was like really getting emotional, and I just was,
Speaker 2: I don't know, I don't know what's happened. If I'm
Speaker 2: being so honest though, like I know my face is
Speaker 2: right here, but I don't like it.
Speaker 4: To make it about it, I know you don't, So
Speaker 4: that is why if.
Speaker 2: I'm being honest, I was like, I want you to
Speaker 2: have your moment to like and I'm there, I'm there.
Speaker 1: Let me see what I'm also saying preface this by
Speaker 1: you don't necessarily want it that way.
Speaker 3: It's just the reality. It just is.
Speaker 1: I know you don't want it that way. You even
Speaker 1: send us things like hey girl, like we I know that, Like,
Speaker 1: I know you don't want it that way. We actually
Speaker 1: the least artist artist. I know you want it so
Speaker 1: much to be us three that's just not always the reality, which.
Speaker 3: You know I'm good with. I'm not like complaining about.
Speaker 1: But the honest to God's truth is the reality of
Speaker 1: your face is the one. You're the one that brings
Speaker 1: in because you have the following. So that's just the reality.
Speaker 1: I know you don't like it that way. You would
Speaker 1: love for us all. You would literally bring anyone into
Speaker 1: your to want that. Like, let me be clear. So
Speaker 1: when I say that, I don't mean it in that way.
Speaker 3: I know you don't want it that way. It's just
Speaker 3: kind of the reality of what it is.
Speaker 2: But in like that night, I'm like, let's say, but
Speaker 2: I hear your like for that, I get that, you
Speaker 2: know what I mean?
Speaker 3: Yeah, the reading loud, for the read aloud.
Speaker 4: I'm like, I'm not.
Speaker 2: You're just so good with your words. I'm not great
Speaker 2: in that space when it's when I don't really know
Speaker 2: what I'm saying, like you're you like, even if the
Speaker 2: last thing you said was so well said, I'm like,
Speaker 2: I couldn't said that. I'd have been like, here your word.
Speaker 1: I mean, I honestly like, I hate talking on stage.
Speaker 1: Janna really doesn't like it either, go figure, you know.
Speaker 1: I mean, like she's the artist, but she doesn't like it.
Speaker 1: She doesn't enjoy it either. It makes her uncomfortable. And
Speaker 1: so I do think to a fault sometimes again, I
Speaker 1: wasn't there, so I'm not, but like you know, I
Speaker 1: fall back on you, like, man, Kristen's so good at this,
Speaker 1: She's so great. It's like such a strength of yours
Speaker 1: that I do think that it can If I were
Speaker 1: there one hundred percent, I would have been like, oh,
Speaker 1: christ I's got this, and it's in a positive way.
Speaker 1: It's like you're just so good at this, and I'm
Speaker 1: so uncomfortable.
Speaker 3: I think I thought good at this.
Speaker 2: I'm sorry the unsturdy coming in for sure, Like you
Speaker 2: know that feeling where you're just like could cry at
Speaker 2: any moment, absolutely, like right.
Speaker 1: Now, well, and those things are going to happen. We're
Speaker 1: going to be in bad places and the things are
Speaker 1: going to happen. But I want you to see that
Speaker 1: I believe if I were there, that this intention was
Speaker 1: is that you're just so good at this, And I
Speaker 1: did feel that way out like this, I mean, you know,
Speaker 1: like so I do feel like I would have probably
Speaker 1: done the same thing. Obviously, I didn't want to speak
Speaker 1: when I had to do the award you talked for like,
Speaker 1: I think we had one minute and I was like, great,
Speaker 1: you've got fifty five seconds and I've got five seconds.
Speaker 2: And the only way that I could do it that
Speaker 2: I felt comfortable was because I sent in a video
Speaker 2: from from Morgantown, West Virginia, you know what I mean,
Speaker 2: And I redid it twenty million footing time. Yeah, And
Speaker 2: I will say I did have this moment last night
Speaker 2: where I was like, I just need to get out
Speaker 2: of my own way because I had the other part
Speaker 2: about this is it wasn't like it wasn't a free
Speaker 2: like I didn't get to go up and like say
Speaker 2: much or make a joke like it didn't fit. That's
Speaker 2: when I almost wanted to come up because I knew.
Speaker 2: I was like I don't get to like break the
Speaker 2: ice or make a funny joke or like you know,
Speaker 2: like I And you know, one thing that's like really
Speaker 2: interesting about all us, like sometimes when you're you have
Speaker 2: a strength, then you're leaned on a lot for that strength.
Speaker 3: But that can feel like a lot of pressure.
Speaker 1: For instance, you are the obviously the face and the
Speaker 1: glue of this podcast, and so we lean on you
Speaker 1: because it's essentially you started this podcast. It's you know,
Speaker 1: and that can be a lot of pressure at times.
Speaker 1: You're really good at going on stage and talking or whatever.
Speaker 1: But in that night, you weren't having a great night
Speaker 1: and it felt like a lot of pressure and you
Speaker 1: didn't want.
Speaker 4: That pressure down. And I'm sorry you didn't let me down.
Speaker 4: I did.
Speaker 2: I should have. I should have. You really had my
Speaker 2: own stuff aside. But I also I had those other asterisks.
Speaker 2: I was like, no, I want her to have her moment,
Speaker 2: and like you, I didn't take it like. I just
Speaker 2: kept making jokes. I was like cream or just anything,
Speaker 2: because I'm also like, it isn't my podcast, you know, like.
Speaker 3: And I get that feeling too, Like I was like, are.
Speaker 4: They just like is this gonna be? I don't know.
Speaker 2: It was really we really just laughed a lot about it,
Speaker 2: Like I kept sliding the phone laughing because I'm joking.
Speaker 2: But then I was like at them when it happened
Speaker 2: because of how awkward the the whole stuff was. I
Speaker 2: was like, oh, she's mad. I even texted Catherine and
Speaker 2: was like, I think that was actually mad at me. No,
Speaker 2: I wasn't mad, Grison. Yeah, I really wasn't mad at you.
Speaker 2: I I want to share them before, but I don't
Speaker 2: want to. Well, I think that before is a really
Speaker 2: I know, but it's dumb, but it's not dumb.
Speaker 1: But it's always it's like reasons why we react to things.
Speaker 3: Again, maybe we.
Speaker 4: Can move into wine about it.
Speaker 3: Okay, okay, let's.
Speaker 2: Take a break and get to wine about it. Dearest listeners.
Speaker 2: We are now in wine about it. And there is
Speaker 2: a good chance that I might be in my pre
Speaker 2: minstrel cycle. And that is why this is so emotionally driven.
Speaker 2: So I had a dress that I hadn't worn, and
Speaker 2: I was like, this will be perfect for Hope grows.
Speaker 4: It felt like it made me feel condensed, and it
Speaker 4: long sleeve, and I.
Speaker 2: Just felt like like it would I felt like I
Speaker 2: could just be myself. I didn't have to worry. You're
Speaker 2: not wondering like if things are hanging out or tucked
Speaker 2: in whatever. And when I tried to try it on
Speaker 2: earlier in the week, I couldn't zip it up.
Speaker 4: Okay, that's a little listen. I do not think I'm
Speaker 4: a big person. I'm not.
Speaker 3: I just was like, oh, that's.
Speaker 2: Disappointing, right, So I thought I'll give it a couple
Speaker 2: of days, you know, I'll like water weight whatever, and
Speaker 2: I'll put on spanks and I'll try again. Hope Awards day,
Speaker 2: Well I did, and I busted the zipper trying to
Speaker 2: put it up. So I wrote to jan I go,
Speaker 2: what are you wearing? Because at one point her and
Speaker 2: I had talked about it. I'm not laughing at it,
Speaker 2: I know, and I busted the zip. Yeah, it was
Speaker 2: a comedy moment.
Speaker 4: Listen.
Speaker 2: Also, I like pinky swear on Life Bible. I was
Speaker 2: not mad at her last night at all. I just
Speaker 2: was like, I don't think they're here to see me,
Speaker 2: so I'd like that to just like get up there,
Speaker 2: read the bio, read aloud. Anyways, So I busted the zipper.
Speaker 2: Well that's all happening. Preston originally couldn't come with me,
Speaker 2: which or originally he could come with me. Then he
Speaker 2: booked a show, so I took my RSVP down to one,
Speaker 2: and then I tried to add one a couple weeks
Speaker 2: ago because I thought maybe I was assuming you and
Speaker 2: Nick were coming her and Alan, and I'm like, maybe
Speaker 2: I don't want to sit alone. I default two alone
Speaker 2: always I do everything alone. So but I'm trying this
Speaker 2: like newness kind of chapter in my life where I'm like,
Speaker 2: do I do that because I want to or just
Speaker 2: because that's like what I know. So I thought, well,
Speaker 2: maybe I could bring like a friend like I thought
Speaker 2: about Sarah Bryce Ashley Wilson, like I just you know,
Speaker 2: like I was like, I'll bring up or even love
Speaker 2: until I watched the video and it felt like the
Speaker 2: subject matter was a little heavy. So when I tried
Speaker 2: to add one more it was they were like, no
Speaker 2: big deal, just let us know because we have to
Speaker 2: shift tables around. And I'm like, well that's I said, no, no, no, no,
Speaker 2: I'll fly solo. It's fine. So I bust the zipper
Speaker 2: last night. I've already got a velcro baby stuck to
Speaker 2: me like doesn't want me to you know, everyone's in
Speaker 2: and out of the bathroom.
Speaker 4: It's totally fine. I've got it's fine.
Speaker 2: But I'm already like my hair doesn't feel great, Like
Speaker 2: I'm just in a mode and I'm trying to feel
Speaker 2: like and I keep going like this is going to
Speaker 2: be great. Whatever I wear is going to pull together,
Speaker 2: it's going to be fine. The busted zipper was hard
Speaker 2: two times over because I am not wearing what I want.
Speaker 2: And also that is a real feeling like we I
Speaker 2: had Preston and Christine trying to zip me into this, okay.
Speaker 2: So Preston says, well, I feel he was excited. He
Speaker 2: was excited because his show got canceled and he could
Speaker 2: get to Legends game last night because there's seventy five
Speaker 2: things going on at once. This is my wine about it,
Speaker 2: because I feel like I can never plan.
Speaker 4: Anything.
Speaker 2: And so he baseball game gets canceled because we're in
Speaker 2: the middle trenchill downpour. And so he's like, maybe I
Speaker 2: go with you five minutes before I'm heading out the door.
Speaker 2: And I said, well, I would love that, but you
Speaker 2: can't because the tea it's already signed, seating, there's tables,
Speaker 2: blah blah blah. And so he didn't get to go.
Speaker 2: So I call cranmerround the way. She's like, he should
Speaker 2: just come. We'll pull up a table, you know, we'll
Speaker 2: pull up a chair, blah blah blah. Well, no, I
Speaker 2: he was already promised Legend you take him to the woods.
Speaker 2: And I'm like, everything just feels so chaotic and clunky,
Speaker 2: and I'm like, I'm doing my best to round my
Speaker 2: A type edges and not be so like that is
Speaker 2: my I came out with the clipboard. I'm sure I
Speaker 2: was born with one and so I'm trying to like
Speaker 2: really be flexible. I feel like I do a good
Speaker 2: job for my personality type in our world doing that.
Speaker 2: But at some point, I'm like, it would have been
Speaker 2: great just to have him to hold my hand. Sure, well,
Speaker 2: that's why I held your hand because I was holding
Speaker 2: Alan's hands what I was gonna say, And so then
Speaker 2: I had this momentere I was like, she's by herself,
Speaker 2: and so I was like, I just that's when I
Speaker 2: held your hand and they were talking about cycle breakers,
Speaker 2: and like, I mean, it was really it's always powerful.
Speaker 4: That night is so powerful. But yeah, I just really I.
Speaker 2: Feel like nothing stays the way it's planned, and I'm
Speaker 2: trying to like embrace that and be more joyful. And
Speaker 2: part of me is just being frustrated too, you know
Speaker 2: that's fair the like Kentucky, you know, you're like, oh,
Speaker 2: I've got a nanny, and then one hour later you
Speaker 2: don't have a nanny, and it's just like, at some
Speaker 2: point it just feels like, I don't know. The funny
Speaker 2: piece of that was when we called Preston. We're like,
Speaker 2: come on, Preston, and he's like, I wasn't invited, and
Speaker 2: I was like.
Speaker 3: The funnier pieces.
Speaker 2: We hung up with Preston and we run right into
Speaker 2: a couple's therapists and I was like, yeah, I.
Speaker 4: Should have kept you on the phone for five more minutes.
Speaker 2: That was funny because our couple of therapists obviously was
Speaker 2: you know, it's at the same therapy center. And so
Speaker 2: she's like, you know, do you want me to address
Speaker 2: you if I see you at the event, And I'm like, oh, yeah,
Speaker 2: I don't care, Like I'm very free about talking. We
Speaker 2: actually just talked about a couple of therapy that we go
Speaker 2: on our last adult education episode. And so while we
Speaker 2: were walking in her and her husband when it was
Speaker 2: like this same time, and I'm like, this is our
Speaker 2: couples therapist was a mess.
Speaker 4: Anyways, I'm just you know, it's just.
Speaker 2: The dominoes of like and then you know, you're going
Speaker 2: up on stage, you're su're not You're still not sure
Speaker 2: what you're gonna say, and so I'm coming in not feeling.
Speaker 2: I had like two hard boiled eggs for dinner, like
Speaker 2: cause I'm you know, trying to make everybody feel good
Speaker 2: before I leave. It's just that feeling. And then you
Speaker 2: get there and you're supposed to be this like stoic,
Speaker 2: well spoken, maybe even funny person, and I just was like,
Speaker 2: I don't feel like this, like I want to weep
Speaker 2: in a chair and eat this dessert. Actually, so that
Speaker 2: was that I've hijacked it. Well, I'm sorry that I
Speaker 2: didn't show it for you better as a friend, and
Speaker 2: that no, you couldn't have known. And I couldn't talk
Speaker 2: about much of it on my way there because I
Speaker 2: knew if I did, I.
Speaker 4: Would just cry.
Speaker 2: And I was like, I have fresh makeup on. I
Speaker 2: just need to take a deep breath and remember Jesus's
Speaker 2: hands on my shoulders. That's what I always picture. He
Speaker 2: stands behind me with his hands on my shoulders and
Speaker 2: I can take a deep breath. And so I was
Speaker 2: just trying to get in that place. And then it
Speaker 2: got even more clunky up at the podium, and the
Speaker 2: podium is see through.
Speaker 3: Yeah, you know, it's not like.
Speaker 4: You can hide behind it.
Speaker 2: Even so you're like you use that as like a yeah,
Speaker 2: and all of a sudden, I mean I have hives
Speaker 2: thinking about it. So yeah, it's like a win to
Speaker 2: you do your soul and they're up there and yeah,
Speaker 2: no chance for the Icebreaker.
Speaker 4: It just was not my Well, are you having a
Speaker 4: better day today? Yeah?
Speaker 2: Good? Yeah, And I'm getting up and working out every
Speaker 2: morning because I know that helps with this feeling that
Speaker 2: I'm having. Sure, the zipping up dress is feeling and
Speaker 2: also the anxiety. Right, yeah, I'm just in a season.
Speaker 2: It's really fine. I'm sure you know, Creamer really thinks up.
Speaker 2: I promise I was not. I just kept thinking, they
Speaker 2: want to see you, they don't want to see me.
Speaker 4: That's the feeling.
Speaker 2: So I didn't want to be the one that was
Speaker 2: talking because oh and see, I want to give that too,
Speaker 2: you know what.
Speaker 1: And that's always going to be a feeling that we'll
Speaker 1: probably always kind of have around, you know.
Speaker 4: I mean, and it's just listen, I want you, I
Speaker 4: want that.
Speaker 3: I so bad this show. I try. I try. I
Speaker 3: say things all the time what Gathered says. Except for
Speaker 3: a few people on the social media.
Speaker 4: I care, and I would like to have them quote you,
Speaker 4: not me.
Speaker 3: But it's fine. I like not having that yeah.
Speaker 2: Yeah, yeah, oh god, what are the things I would
Speaker 2: say if I didn't care?
Speaker 1: That's what I'm saying. It is, That's what I'm saying.
Speaker 1: I feel like being able to have that. I mean,
Speaker 1: I definitely will have people send me stuff, but like
Speaker 1: you know, it's not that big of a deal speaking
Speaker 1: of this isn't a wine down, but this is like
Speaker 1: a positive thing. A whine about it, but a positive thing.
Speaker 1: From what we talked about last week. I think it
Speaker 1: was last week we talked about we should do we
Speaker 1: should have a positive I want to That was my
Speaker 1: thought today when I was getting ready, because I was
Speaker 1: trying to think about if I had any wine about
Speaker 1: it and wines about it, and I was like, you know,
Speaker 1: I've got like the same old like you know whatever,
Speaker 1: but I really don't have anything. And I was thinking,
Speaker 1: we if we don't, I think it's a good thing
Speaker 1: to go, Hey, we don't have a whine about it.
Speaker 3: Let's let's talk about some positive stuff. Anyway.
Speaker 1: All that to say, when we talked about filling in
Speaker 1: the blanks, I think it was last week. I had
Speaker 1: this sweet follower that we will go back and forth
Speaker 1: a lot on social media about different things and we'll
Speaker 1: like debate stuff or whatever, and she's so super super sweet. Well,
Speaker 1: she had sent me something like last week or something,
Speaker 1: and I was just in really busy mode with the kids,
Speaker 1: and I remembered getting it, but it was like a video.
Speaker 1: I didn't watch it whatever, and I didn't respond, so
Speaker 1: she listened to the podcast. I guess it would have
Speaker 1: been this on Monday, okay, because she sends me a
Speaker 1: message and she was like, I'm just going to send
Speaker 1: this to you because I was just listening about filling
Speaker 1: in the blanks and I wanted to tell you that
Speaker 1: I'm filling in the blanks right now. With you not responding,
Speaker 1: I feel like I offended you. And if that's the case,
Speaker 1: like I'm so sorry, blah blah blah blah blah, but
Speaker 1: like we usually talk about this and you always respond. Anyway,
Speaker 1: it was just this really sweet message. I was like,
Speaker 1: I'm so glad you sent me that. Yeah, because like
Speaker 1: good for you, because I was literally just busy, haven't
Speaker 1: even looked at the video, yeah, just not in a place.
Speaker 1: And she was like, oh my gosh, I feel so
Speaker 1: much better.
Speaker 3: Anyway.
Speaker 1: It was just a really positive note that I was like,
Speaker 1: maybe she would have done that before, but I don't
Speaker 1: think she would have. I think it really helped her
Speaker 1: to say just tell me, like, I'm filling in the
Speaker 1: blanks here, and it makes me not feel good, like
Speaker 1: she was worried about it.
Speaker 2: Well, that's really sweet because I had to block like
Speaker 2: five more people from the last episode. You're ugly, that
Speaker 2: dress looks terrible on you.
Speaker 3: Wait, what dress? What are we talking about?
Speaker 2: When when I had to did my Amazon, I posted
Speaker 2: a reel of some of the dresses and I'll, you know,
Speaker 2: go to my requests and you see my dms, and
Speaker 2: there was a couple like, you're you look disgusting, the
Speaker 2: dress looks terrible on you. And then one I responded
Speaker 2: to and I was just like, well, I'm really glad
Speaker 2: you don't have to wear it, like have a blessed day. Yeah,
Speaker 2: And the other is I just I just straight blocked.
Speaker 2: So but I'm like, well, I'm sorry, that's just yeah,
Speaker 2: I'm really happy that you have.
Speaker 1: Well, I mean, I definitely got the you know, attacts
Speaker 1: last week, but I just thought that that was a positive.
Speaker 1: But she took it, she listened, and then it it
Speaker 1: kind of enabled her just or whatever, like gave her.
Speaker 4: Absolutely. I love that. I love that.
Speaker 2: Brittany Cartwright claims ex Jax Taylor has never scheduled an
Speaker 2: appointment for their four year old son, Cruise, so she's
Speaker 2: opened up about her estranged husband, Jack's Brittany is on
Speaker 2: the valley, and she said that, you know, he wants
Speaker 2: to be a great dad. He is a great dad,
Speaker 2: but he's never scheduled an appointment, never hired a therapist,
Speaker 2: never hired a school, you know, nothing like that. So
Speaker 2: there's a difference. So every now and then, I feel
Speaker 2: like I want him to be in his school and
Speaker 2: he's like, well, maybe he should be in this type
Speaker 2: of school.
Speaker 4: I'm like, well, you haven't done anything, you know. She said.
Speaker 2: It's a bit annoying and can make co parenting harder
Speaker 2: because she feels like she's getting the heavyweight, and if
Speaker 2: we disagree on something, it agitates me because I'm the
Speaker 2: one that has to do all the research. Not that
Speaker 2: all dads are like that. Some dads are hands on
Speaker 2: and everything. I do feel like there's a difference in
Speaker 2: moms uh and dads for the most part.
Speaker 4: I mean, I.
Speaker 2: Gotta be honest, Well, I feel like whether you're married
Speaker 2: or co parenting, I mean, even when I was married
Speaker 2: to Mike, he never made one doctor's appointment, and now
Speaker 2: married to Alan, like, he's not made one doctor's appointment
Speaker 2: for Roman, I make and I don't have a problem
Speaker 2: like that, And I just know now that's my response, like,
Speaker 2: that's just what falls on the moms to do.
Speaker 1: If I asked Nick to call the doctor if someone
Speaker 1: needed to go, he absolutely would, but he would say
Speaker 1: who is their doctor? Yes, without a doubt, he would
Speaker 1: have no clue. He would do it, but he doesn't know.
Speaker 2: Yeah, same, and I will say what I've done now
Speaker 2: with And this is my only advice, maybe to Brittany,
Speaker 2: is because I don't want to have to do all
Speaker 2: of it with my co parent with Mike. So I
Speaker 2: don't like the dentist. We all know that I've talked
Speaker 2: about not liking the dentist. He is in charge of
Speaker 2: making dentists appointments for the kids.
Speaker 4: I don't want. I just don't want to do it.
Speaker 4: I don't want to take them.
Speaker 2: I don't want to go, like I don't want I
Speaker 2: take them to do all their other appointments.
Speaker 4: That is his.
Speaker 3: That's smart.
Speaker 2: So I'm like, you get the dentist. So like even
Speaker 2: I saw he he scheduled them on two different days
Speaker 2: and I said, I need you to can you please
Speaker 2: reschedule those two because the last week of school and
Speaker 2: we have them at the same time, and I don't
Speaker 2: want to take them both days, you know, because those
Speaker 2: are now on my day. So he normally so yeah,
Speaker 2: like ninety nine percent of the time and he is
Speaker 2: scheduling and taking the kids. I actually taken them a
Speaker 2: few times, but it's like that I want you that
Speaker 2: is for your day, and I like that takes I
Speaker 2: literally have to I have to ask him, though obviously
Speaker 2: you do it.
Speaker 3: But I mean I think that's okay. I don't know,
Speaker 3: I don't.
Speaker 1: People might disagree with me, but it's not that it's
Speaker 1: a mom's job, but it's just kind.
Speaker 2: Of kind of is kind of is I guess is
Speaker 2: there's probably something else there, Like I don't know that
Speaker 2: it's about scheduling appointment.
Speaker 3: Here's the other thing I was going to say.
Speaker 2: Like it's just the low hanging fruit to be like
Speaker 2: and I do this, you know, like I feel like
Speaker 2: there's so much weight on us there. I mean, there's
Speaker 2: studies that come out with the amount of schedules that
Speaker 2: we hold in our brain and everything that's on a
Speaker 2: mom's played specifically in this like in a twenty twenty
Speaker 2: five mom is like another job and a half.
Speaker 1: Right, But what I was gonna say, is the comment
Speaker 1: he makes about the school.
Speaker 3: Now, that would bother.
Speaker 1: Me if you don't like she said, he makes comments
Speaker 1: about maybe he should be in a different school.
Speaker 3: I think it's a heat.
Speaker 1: Yeah, now that's where I would go and do the research. Okay,
Speaker 1: then do the research and what kind of school do
Speaker 1: you think that they should be in? And let's talk
Speaker 1: about that that I feel like maybe because that would
Speaker 1: bother me, Like if you don't like the doctor, then
Speaker 1: do some research and find your own doctor, you know,
Speaker 1: or if you don't like so I feel like maybe
Speaker 1: that's something that's getting to her.
Speaker 2: Yeah, And I feel like again, it's just kind of
Speaker 2: I mean, even with you know, Jolie's dyslexy talking emailing
Speaker 2: school and I actually like because I know it's it's
Speaker 2: getting done and I don't have to ask, hey did
Speaker 2: you do Hey did you call and make the eighteen
Speaker 2: month appointment? Or hey, you know when we actually we
Speaker 2: got in a waiting list and we we're in now
Speaker 2: the new pediatric place. So you know, those are things
Speaker 2: that I don't want to have to ask because it
Speaker 2: might not be as its appointments aren't important to them,
Speaker 2: but they've got other things they're doing, so I just
Speaker 2: it's you know, we can, we can do it. And
Speaker 2: but when it comes to the co parenting, that's when
Speaker 2: I'm like, hey, can you handle this piece? Yeah, and
Speaker 2: I'll handle the rest. I also love feeling connected. So
Speaker 2: when I'm making the appointments and I'm in charge of
Speaker 2: all this, like that makes me feel connected to Like
Speaker 2: I don't want to have to tune in or catch
Speaker 2: up on that.
Speaker 3: Kind of I want to say.
Speaker 1: I mean, yes, the controlling part of me is not
Speaker 1: I'm sorry, this is gonna get but like I don't
Speaker 1: want my husband picking the doctor and yeah, the dentist
Speaker 1: and where they're going to school. Like I want to
Speaker 1: make that decision. And I think dads know that they
Speaker 1: know that the moms want to make that decision. I
Speaker 1: think they'd be more willing to more than willing.
Speaker 3: To help if you asked. Yeah, but like moms want
Speaker 3: to decide where their kids are going.
Speaker 2: Well, that's the thing too, Like even when we talk
Speaker 2: about the vaccination stuff, like I know, at the end
Speaker 2: of the day, Alan has his definite input, but it's
Speaker 2: going to to most likely come to But having said that,
Speaker 2: we know we there's something else with Roman that I
Speaker 2: leaned very heavily on his opinion, and we ended up
Speaker 2: going with his opinion on it because it's a male part.
Speaker 4: So you know what I mean, Like there are things where.
Speaker 2: That's his choice, you know, to have that mm hm
Speaker 2: you know, yeah, do that whatever. Yeah, maybe, well I
Speaker 2: think it's like what you're passionate about. Yeah, Like Preston knows,
Speaker 2: I'm passionate about the schooling, the doctor, like all of
Speaker 2: that piece. And he trusts me because I am passionate.
Speaker 2: I do learn more than like he would want to learn.
Speaker 2: And he's like, no, you've got it. And I don't
Speaker 2: think it makes them. It doesn't make Mike a bad
Speaker 2: dad that he doesn't do the school emails or the
Speaker 2: doctor's appointments or and it doesn't make Alan a bad day.
Speaker 2: It doesn't make them a not hands on dad. Like
Speaker 2: Alan is incredibly hands on, he just doesn't deal with
Speaker 2: the logistics of the schooling or the preschools or the whatever.
Speaker 2: Like for example, with this movie, I said to him,
Speaker 2: with the our girls that we've used when Roman was
Speaker 2: little a part time, it's like, can you please text her?
Speaker 2: Because I don't want to be the middleman with scheduling.
Speaker 2: I don't know what you need, so those things, like
Speaker 2: you know, they're gonna have to take over. But SAIDs
Speaker 2: that doctors. Woman's doesn't make them ad a bad person
Speaker 2: or a bad parent for not doing that.
Speaker 4: You know what I mean?
Speaker 2: I do. Mom shares her clever ruse for getting kids
Speaker 2: to eat her homemade food. When your kids get picky
Speaker 2: about dinner, just order takeout.
Speaker 4: It's such a fun thing.
Speaker 2: Alex McLaren, who cooks homemade meals and serves them to
Speaker 2: her unsuspecting children in restaurant takeout containers. Oh that's so interesting.
Speaker 2: So she puts her food in takeout containers. That's funny
Speaker 2: as presentation matters. I learned this early on.
Speaker 1: Yeah, but aren't people gonna order? Aren't they going to
Speaker 1: order different things? If it's takeout? Like my kids would
Speaker 1: and order all the same things.
Speaker 4: Yours couldn't probably be duped either though at this age.
Speaker 1: No, that's true. But like you know what I'm saying,
Speaker 1: I take out, all five of us aren't ordering the
Speaker 1: same thing.
Speaker 4: Yeah. Oh, it's a really good point. I just cook
Speaker 4: you guys. I'm cooking stunny.
Speaker 2: I feel like I'm cooking so many I'm cooking so
Speaker 2: many foods right now, we are struggling in the dinner department.
Speaker 4: Oh, like I'm trying. I'm trying, but like legend is
Speaker 4: just so picky.
Speaker 2: So I try to do a version of whatever I'm
Speaker 2: making for them, but like I also just need the
Speaker 2: kid to eat.
Speaker 4: So yeah, that's Caine.
Speaker 3: I hear what she's say.
Speaker 2: Oh on the Southwest salads and extra and you're.
Speaker 3: Like, I can promise you were not all ordering the
Speaker 3: same thing. I will say.
Speaker 4: I got those like little burger baskets.
Speaker 2: Do you remember those, like little plastic oval baskets with
Speaker 2: like the paper. Yeah, I got those for the kids
Speaker 2: last year, and like sometimes I just do like it's
Speaker 2: like Fridy night or whatever, and I just cuwe because
Speaker 2: it's in a different basket, or like it feels like
Speaker 2: they're at the diner. Or I give them a menu.
Speaker 2: They like that too, and they check the boxes and
Speaker 2: it's all things I was going to make anyway, So
Speaker 2: it just makes them feel Joel is.
Speaker 4: Really big on hibachi right now.
Speaker 3: I love a lot.
Speaker 4: I have a Blackstone. I don't even know what hibachi is.
Speaker 3: Oh my gosh, I love habachi.
Speaker 4: What is there after? Like rice?
Speaker 1: And chicken and the big hibachi grill you know, like
Speaker 1: toss away though. Remember, well, yeah, you're not going to
Speaker 1: do well with hibachi, but you just started that. How
Speaker 1: did you not know hubachi before forty years? I've never
Speaker 1: really eaten them, you know where they go in the fire. Yeah,
Speaker 1: and they're like tossing onions and shrimp in the cat's.
Speaker 3: Mouth and so fun.
Speaker 2: Yeah. I know I've been to one, but it was
Speaker 2: Benny on Us maybe maybe yeah, is that about you
Speaker 2: think that sounds like it?
Speaker 4: Well, Joelie is like like, hawa, No, I.
Speaker 1: Mean you're not going to eat well, you get, but
Speaker 1: I would love to another time because I I love
Speaker 1: about you and I need a good one around here
Speaker 1: because ours closed.
Speaker 3: Okay, yeah, let's do that.
Speaker 2: Internet reacts to learning Oscar voters didn't have to watch
Speaker 2: all nominated movies until now.
Speaker 4: So, uh, that's crazy. Well, all award shows are really fair?
Speaker 4: Well that's what I basically was going to say.
Speaker 2: I would love to find an award show that was
Speaker 2: actually fair and not vote not traded votes.
Speaker 1: I'm assuming oscars are the same with all that I
Speaker 1: know nothing about, like the acting, Yeah, I'm assuming pretty much.
Speaker 4: So until this year.
Speaker 2: They didn't have to watch the films to vote. From
Speaker 2: what I'm seeing, I.
Speaker 3: Mean, it's not like we have to listen to the
Speaker 3: albums to vote.
Speaker 4: Well, you know, I'm passionate. Anything else you want to say,
Speaker 4: they're cat Wow, I'll vote for you.
Speaker 2: Hello, wind down, ladies, serious listener. I need advice, friends, therapy, drinks.
Speaker 2: I need help give it. Around my entire marriage twenty nine
Speaker 2: plus years less, I always had a hunch that my
Speaker 2: husband was cheating on me. This started from the very beginning,
Speaker 2: but I never caught him, and he would always have
Speaker 2: a great reason to why I felt that way, usually
Speaker 2: paranoia on my side. Oh the gaslighting that was additional
Speaker 2: for me.
Speaker 3: Sorry.
Speaker 2: Fast forward to December twenty twenty three, and one of
Speaker 2: these women reached out to me, telling me that he
Speaker 2: needed to be stopped and he was with someone else
Speaker 2: at that moment. Oh, there is so much I could say,
Speaker 2: but I will try to keep this as short as possible.
Speaker 2: After a few days of him saying he was sorry,
Speaker 2: admitting to sleeping with all the women I had a
Speaker 2: hunch on, I decided I had to give him a
Speaker 2: chance to prove himself. Fast forward to September twenty twenty four,
Speaker 2: and I'd finally had my limit. Anytime that I was
Speaker 2: not at home, whether it was doing things with family, friends,
Speaker 2: or traveling for work, he would never stay home. On
Speaker 2: that evening last September, he was on his way home
Speaker 2: from having beers after work. I told him that I
Speaker 2: was not feeling he was being honest, and his response was,
Speaker 2: it's been ten months, just give it up already. I
Speaker 2: then made a comment about him being with other women.
Speaker 2: I may have used a few not so nice adjectives,
Speaker 2: and his response beggars can't be choosers. The next day,
Speaker 2: I texted him and asked him to leave. I wasn't home,
Speaker 2: as I knew if I would have been, I would
Speaker 2: never have gone through with it. He texted me and said,
Speaker 2: are you sure you want me to leave? I replied Yestember.
Speaker 2: From September to December of this past year, he never apologized,
Speaker 2: never took on ability, and always stated that it is
Speaker 2: best to proceed with divorce. We are now divorced as
Speaker 2: of Christmas Eve, and he has already moved on. But
Speaker 2: I'm having so many issues. Why is he choosing only
Speaker 2: one person to be with? Now? Was I the problem?
Speaker 2: I know that it's not true, but it's hard to
Speaker 2: not feel that way.
Speaker 4: Jana.
Speaker 2: I know you've gone through this. You gave your ex
Speaker 2: multiple chances and they don't change. I know that I
Speaker 2: don't want the man he is today, but why can't
Speaker 2: I get him off my mind in the fantasy that
Speaker 2: he could be the man I want, in need and
Speaker 2: deserve him to be.
Speaker 4: Advice you can give, We will let you take this on.
Speaker 4: You guys don't want say anything.
Speaker 3: Like you'll give the best advice here.
Speaker 2: Well, I really just want to read direct her to
Speaker 2: ghastly by my husband because I kept thinking of the
Speaker 2: entire time, I'm like, this is crazy. I just wish
Speaker 2: we could trust our intuition more as women. I think
Speaker 2: we always know when we know, and I hate that,
Speaker 2: like your gut always knows, we just know. It's why
Speaker 2: God designs us to have this intuition and discernment.
Speaker 3: It just sounds like she did know, and she does know,
Speaker 3: and she.
Speaker 2: I'm so wildly proud of this person for getting her
Speaker 2: foot down and not living the same groundhog's day over
Speaker 2: and over again, because I remember when I would go
Speaker 2: into essenon meetings and it was for sex addicts. You
Speaker 2: know wives or partners that have been with someone that
Speaker 2: was a sex addict, and I'd hear these stories and
Speaker 2: I mean it was years and years and years. These
Speaker 2: women are in their fifty sixties, seventies. One woman was
Speaker 2: in her late seventies and she's like, my husband did
Speaker 2: it again. And I'm like I cannot be and oh
Speaker 2: my god. You know what I mean, Like I don't
Speaker 2: want to live that cycle for the rest of my life.
Speaker 2: Like this person is not stopping. I have to get out.
Speaker 2: So I mean, props to this listener who got out.
Speaker 2: And I think one of the hardest pieces is that
Speaker 2: either the woman is going to get the changed man.
Speaker 2: And why didn't the man change for me?
Speaker 4: Was I?
Speaker 2: And that's I mean I struggled year, like for years
Speaker 2: with that, like why was I not good enough for
Speaker 2: him to change? Why wasn't I you know, I was
Speaker 2: the mother of his children. Why didn't he change for me?
Speaker 2: But I think speaking, I'm just going to speak about
Speaker 2: your ex husband. If he hasn't taken accountability, he hasn't apologized,
Speaker 2: he's not a changed person.
Speaker 4: No person.
Speaker 2: That has gone through healing and change doesn't come back
Speaker 2: to hold some accountability for their past or to say hey,
Speaker 2: I'm sorry I did this to you and owning up
Speaker 2: to it. A person that doesn't take ownership sweeps things
Speaker 2: underneath the rugs. They're going to continue their actions and
Speaker 2: they're going to be this fake facade of who they are,
Speaker 2: but that's not actually who they are. So that woman
Speaker 2: is not whoever he's with or ends up with is
Speaker 2: not actually getting the true person. They're just getting this
Speaker 2: fake persona of who he wants to be, who he
Speaker 2: really really wants to be, but who's actually not. So
Speaker 2: try and rest in the fact if he hasn't taken
Speaker 2: accountability with you, or hasn't you know that to me
Speaker 2: is the first piece of he has not healed or changed,
Speaker 2: so that you don't even have to worry because that
Speaker 2: woman is not going to get a change man, I
Speaker 2: promise you. And even if he did so, if that
Speaker 2: man does come around and does take healing and accountability,
Speaker 2: you are not the reason. Like he wasn't ready, he
Speaker 2: wasn't able to in that moment, you know, and you
Speaker 2: get to now be with someone that hasn't hurt you,
Speaker 2: so you can kind of and it wasn't that you
Speaker 2: weren't enough for him to change. I know I wasn't.
Speaker 2: I was plenty enough for Mike. He wasn't. He didn't
Speaker 2: love himself enough to be the best version of himself.
Speaker 2: It wasn't about me. So you have to detach you
Speaker 2: and him, like you have to detach your own worth
Speaker 2: to his stuff, because it's not the truth. He was
Speaker 2: not able to be his best self because his worth
Speaker 2: of what he believes you are worthy of a great love,
Speaker 2: and don't put his stuff on you. Twenty nine years
Speaker 2: is a long time.
Speaker 4: Yeah.
Speaker 2: I would also add that if it is a possibility,
Speaker 2: I think any separation from learning anything new about his
Speaker 2: life is probably needed. I'm twenty nine years. I'm sure
Speaker 2: there's some children involved. Maybe not, But I think when
Speaker 2: you're trying to heal from something and more than the
Speaker 2: loss of someone that's still alive, when they continue to
Speaker 2: like when you continue to know information. I remember even
Speaker 2: people sending things about my ex to me, and I
Speaker 2: just was like, I'm you know, like I'm good. I
Speaker 2: don't need to know that information. I feel like I'm
Speaker 2: doing my own thing. I've got my own own stuff
Speaker 2: I'm working on or whatever. But to continue to get
Speaker 2: updates is always like a little like that doesn't help
Speaker 2: the process well.
Speaker 1: And just to see that he's with one woman now,
Speaker 1: you don't know that, right, You have no idea he's
Speaker 1: with woman. And I've said that about other relationships in
Speaker 1: the past, like you have no im I look like
Speaker 1: they're with one person now.
Speaker 4: Yeah, but he did a good job at twenty nine
Speaker 4: years of looking like he's with you.
Speaker 1: But I also think sometimes, especially that long, so like
Speaker 1: if he does become this healed version of himself and he,
Speaker 1: you know, he changes, I think sometimes if that were
Speaker 1: to happen in a marriage where that happens so much, like,
Speaker 1: how would that even really work? Like how do you
Speaker 1: ever fully trust? You know, like, even if he does
Speaker 1: heal and you're still in your marriage and he's a
Speaker 1: completely changed man. I know a woman that's been hit
Speaker 1: that many times with that, that's going to be really
Speaker 1: hard for them to trust. And is he going to
Speaker 1: be able to be the healed version that he really
Speaker 1: needs to be? Is she going to be the version?
Speaker 4: I don't know.
Speaker 1: I have a hard time seeing that sometimes, and I
Speaker 1: know it's possible, but I think that that would be
Speaker 1: hard and maybe it does mean that they have to
Speaker 1: be separate too, for him to be able to find
Speaker 1: that healed version.
Speaker 2: Yeah, I mean, just like with Mike, he'd always be
Speaker 2: like there was he realized, He's like at the end,
Speaker 2: like there would have never been any he would have
Speaker 2: never stopped. And he even admitted that He's like, I
Speaker 2: would have never stopped cheating because I was always in
Speaker 2: a hole with you. I was always one down. I
Speaker 2: was always like underground. He's like, I couldn't climb. I
Speaker 2: was so down in the hole. There was no climbing
Speaker 2: out of that hole. So you're just going to keep
Speaker 2: repeating a pattern his are It just obviously obviously kept happening.
Speaker 2: So with him, it's like he had to we had
Speaker 2: to not be with each other to do our own healing.
Speaker 2: And like, I hope he doesn't cheat on his new girlfriend.
Speaker 3: I hope.
Speaker 2: And it's not because I'm not good enough that he
Speaker 2: didn't change for me. So we just couldn't change together
Speaker 2: because I changed so much to post him and had
Speaker 2: my own healing that I needed to do years before
Speaker 2: Mike that I never got to do. So like, and
Speaker 2: I'm a way better person now than I ever was
Speaker 2: with Mike, you know, So he got like, so Alan's
Speaker 2: getting a changed person. Yeah, and like I hope that
Speaker 2: this new girl that he has is getting the change person.
Speaker 4: And too.
Speaker 2: It's better for our kids, better for ourselves, and we
Speaker 2: want those people. But it doesn't. Don't take it away
Speaker 2: from your own worth. Yeah, that you weren't worth changing for.
Speaker 2: It's just some guys just can't get out of their
Speaker 2: own shame to do the right thing each time.
Speaker 4: Yeah, No, ownership not hot. Let her have him.
Speaker 2: Also, we love you a lot, come hang out with
Speaker 2: so much ladies. See you when I get back from Kentucky. Actually,
Speaker 2: I'll see you on zooms. It's like, wait, we're going
Speaker 2: to be doing zooms.
Speaker 3: Love you, love you see it?
Speaker 4: Hibachi? Yes, can I have a non Sey version?
Speaker 3: Were good?
Speaker 4: But yeah, check check out.
Speaker 3: Hello goodbye, Hello bye