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Speaker 1: Once upon a time there was a good old traditional housewife,

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Speaker 1: and she couldn't. She cleaned and cared for her children

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Speaker 1: and the man of the house, and of course she

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Speaker 1: didn't talk back. She was both obeed, hint and soft

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Speaker 1: by nature. She was a good woman who always made

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Speaker 1: good choices.

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Speaker 2: We're Good Mom's Bad Choices.

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Speaker 3: Two single mom who said fuck the patriarchy, shared all

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Speaker 3: their bad choices and.

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Speaker 2: Found out they were so bad after all.

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Speaker 4: We're experts, overshares and your new besties.

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Speaker 2: Sit back and enjoy the ride.

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Speaker 4: I can do it. Welcome back to Good Mom's Bad Choices.

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Speaker 3: I'm Erica and I'm Mila. Happy Wednesday, Happy Wednesday.

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Speaker 4: Hose how you feeling.

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Speaker 2: I feel tired, but I'm happy.

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Speaker 3: I am also tired and happy. We have been moving

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Speaker 3: and grooving very very much. We are in Atlanta. If

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Speaker 3: you're on YouTube, you can see us. We are on

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Speaker 3: a world tour and right now we're at iHeart Media

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Speaker 3: had quarters in Atlanta. It's a little bit different than

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Speaker 3: our home office. Shout out to Black Effects.

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Speaker 4: Shout out to.

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Speaker 3: Black Effect for taking care of their girls. We just

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Speaker 3: got back from Jamaica and now we're in Atlanta. And

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Speaker 3: then we're gonna be in Charlotte and then we're gonna

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Speaker 3: sit the fuck down.

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Speaker 4: Amen.

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Speaker 3: But today we're joined by a very very special guest

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Speaker 3: that we had to link up with because we've been

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Speaker 3: manifesting this interview for a very long time, and finally

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Speaker 3: we're on the same.

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Speaker 4: Side of the world. And so even though.

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Speaker 3: We may or may not have gotten shit faced drunk

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Speaker 3: last night, and I may or may not have maybe

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Speaker 3: put a little bit of money.

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Speaker 2: For your speak for yourself a little to have.

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Speaker 4: A Mollie, we're here and everything is fine.

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Speaker 2: I did Molly.

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Speaker 4: I didn't either.

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Speaker 2: I had no drinks.

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Speaker 4: I said you had drinks and.

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Speaker 2: I was an angel christ.

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Speaker 3: I even I haven't been last night. We were laughing

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Speaker 3: so hard that a woman knocked on the hotel to or.

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Speaker 2: Like shut the fuck up.

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Speaker 3: I was like, am I thirteen and I haven't been

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Speaker 3: in trouble and like a long time in a hotel

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Speaker 3: and I was like that miserable bitch she heard laughter four,

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Speaker 3: I am, what a fucking miserable bitch.

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Speaker 4: Sorry, lady, that wasn't nice anyway. Sorry.

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Speaker 3: We are here and we're joined by a very special guest,

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Speaker 3: author wellness entrepreneur, Thank you founder, bad bitch, Sheila Marie Hi, Hi,

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Speaker 3: welcome to the show, My love Well, thank you for

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Speaker 3: having me, of course, and I forgot to add retreat

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Speaker 3: leader of course, a fellow retreat retreat leader.

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Speaker 5: Yes, I'm so happy to have you. I know, yes,

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Speaker 5: it's been a long time coming. And I love your videos.

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Speaker 5: I'm always watching your content. I had a friend last night.

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Speaker 5: I was telling her she was coming on the show.

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Speaker 5: She's like, oh my god, I fucking love her. I

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Speaker 5: love how she her brain works. She just sees stuff

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Speaker 5: and then she ties everything together.

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Speaker 2: And then she posted immediately.

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Speaker 5: And I was like, wow, she posted a meeting because

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Speaker 5: she's following her.

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Speaker 2: And then I went and looked and I said, yeah,

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Speaker 2: it's true. She's very smart.

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Speaker 3: She does postings quickly, I said, I said, up my

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Speaker 3: videos for years, and I'm like god, the moment she.

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Speaker 5: Had commented on white Lotus, I was like, damn, I

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Speaker 5: had a lot of opinions on white Lotus.

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Speaker 2: Why don't I do a video like that?

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Speaker 6: So much though it's just so much all the time

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Speaker 6: to make content, but yeah, white Lotus.

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Speaker 2: She tried it.

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Speaker 5: Yeah, those little bitches, which bitches were the little Friend Group,

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Speaker 5: Those those three, those three older ladies.

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Speaker 4: I really liked the like it was slow moving this season.

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Speaker 3: But there was like like dynamics that were really like

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Speaker 3: developed of her a slow period payoff.

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Speaker 4: Yeah, absolutely that.

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Speaker 3: I was really I enjoyed each of the dynamics, Like

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Speaker 3: the three women that are aging, they still are like

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Speaker 3: obviously in high school.

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Speaker 4: You like we never really grow up them, Like they

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Speaker 4: hate you, sister, they don't like you, the short haired one, right, Yeah, they.

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Speaker 6: Did all hate each other.

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Speaker 2: They kind of all hated them.

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Speaker 6: Petition Yeah, yeah, weird, And I was definitely giving high school.

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Speaker 4: Yeah, I'm like, I don't want to age and be

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Speaker 4: a bitch.

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Speaker 5: I just felt like it was so that dynamic specifically

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Speaker 5: really intrigued me because I felt like it was the

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Speaker 5: truest anything storyline that was happening, because I really see

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Speaker 5: that dynamic with women now because women, I don't I

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Speaker 5: don't even think it's not even a white woman thing.

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Speaker 5: I think it's just a woman thing. And watching those

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Speaker 5: women as they're like they're older women too, and seeing

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Speaker 5: how they've like continued to just push.

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Speaker 2: Things under and under and under and under. It was

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Speaker 2: It was cool.

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Speaker 6: It was very nice, nasty all of the all of

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Speaker 6: the stuff that they wanted to say. They just cloaked

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Speaker 6: in and like, oh, it's fine, it's fine, it's fine.

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Speaker 6: Oh no, Because like if we're on a trip and

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Speaker 6: you're egging me on to have sex with this massage guy,

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Speaker 6: I don't know.

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Speaker 4: What, and then you secretly fuck him and.

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Speaker 6: Then you end up doing it, that is fucked up.

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Speaker 4: That's it's just weird. She was right.

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Speaker 5: I was with her, that actress, the one who was

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Speaker 5: the famous actress. Yeah, I could not stand her, could not,

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Speaker 5: but you.

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Speaker 4: Know what she embodied. I just wonder to be happy

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Speaker 4: she embodied that role really well.

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Speaker 3: She really gave I'm a rich white woman actress that's

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Speaker 3: kind of insecure really well.

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Speaker 6: Do you know Mike White, the writer and the director

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Speaker 6: of White Lotus, he got their idea for that triad

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Speaker 6: from being at lunch or something and overhearing three women

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Speaker 6: and he was like, I that's because everybody's like, how

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Speaker 6: did you write them? So well, Like, I don't know

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Speaker 6: about you, but I'm like, that is a very honest

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Speaker 6: friend dynamic. He was like, yep, there was these three

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Speaker 6: ladies at lunch and he just started writing.

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Speaker 3: And you know, I think it's also intriguing because I

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Speaker 3: don't know how you are. But like, and I'm very young,

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Speaker 3: I'm twenty seven, but we're at an age where, you know,

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Speaker 3: we're picking at forty and like, you know, the aging

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Speaker 3: is coming up, and like I'm seeing it on myself

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Speaker 3: and like even because we do this work and I

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Speaker 3: can literally see me seven years ago on video. Now,

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Speaker 3: it's like we're approaching this place where like we're aging,

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Speaker 3: we're moving into for it like part.

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Speaker 4: Of our life.

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Speaker 3: And I think like society, I think it's really becoming

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Speaker 3: clear that society does not embrace like the the natural

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Speaker 3: aging of women, you know, not at all at all.

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Speaker 3: And even at the club, like these these are people

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Speaker 3: are young? How old am I?

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Speaker 4: You know?

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Speaker 3: So it's like it's like still clinging for that fun,

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Speaker 3: for that play, for that like whole life. But like

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Speaker 3: secretly you know, so it was it was.

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Speaker 5: And then still not having the tools, so still acting

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Speaker 5: like a child and still acting like a teenager and

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Speaker 5: still like operating in that it's in that space because

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Speaker 5: you haven't with an older physique. It's crazy, right, right, Yeah.

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Speaker 6: Some people don't grow up, they just age.

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Speaker 4: Yeah, most people don't grow up, they just you're just older.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, I really I did enjoy that. You know, during

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Speaker 3: the show. I am one of those people who like,

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Speaker 3: when I'm watching the show and I like it, I'm like,

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Speaker 3: who wrote white Lotus? I'm like, oh, Mike White, Okay, interesting?

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Speaker 6: You know he knows how to write wealthy white people. Yes,

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Speaker 6: Like that's his lane.

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Speaker 4: Those are his people.

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Speaker 6: People are like, who I want to diversify white Lotus.

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Speaker 6: I'm like, no, no, where it is. Leave it where.

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Speaker 6: That's why we like it. Just leave it just like

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Speaker 6: that from.

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Speaker 3: Two people who grew up in a lot of white spaces,

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Speaker 3: a lot of rich white people.

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Speaker 4: I'm like, Mike hit this ship.

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Speaker 2: On the fucking real. He really did.

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Speaker 4: I don't know about the brothers jacking each other off, I.

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Speaker 2: Don't know that was that was crazy.

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Speaker 6: I'm not sure if that was earned. Like by the

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Speaker 6: end of it, I was kind of like, did we

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Speaker 6: need that?

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Speaker 2: I think the acting was top tier.

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Speaker 5: That's story line, and specifically I had higher hopes for

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Speaker 5: because I really needed the sun to die, Like why

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Speaker 5: did you come back?

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Speaker 1: Oh?

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Speaker 4: You wanted somebody locky locky?

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Speaker 5: Yeah, like when he when he thought when he drank

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Speaker 5: that smoothie.

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Speaker 6: Yeah.

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Speaker 2: Sorry for those who haven't watched this. Oh yeah, my bad,

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Speaker 2: But yeah, he needed to die.

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Speaker 4: I was like, what if I could come back?

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Speaker 6: I kind of secretly wanted the whole family to just

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Speaker 6: drink those smoothies.

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Speaker 2: Why didn't they all drink the smoothie?

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Speaker 6: I know that sounds morbid, but the way that they

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Speaker 6: were leading up giving all those flash right over, I

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Speaker 6: was like, they all need.

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Speaker 2: To you know what.

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Speaker 5: Maybe they didn't go because it was actually going to

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Speaker 5: be worse for them to live. Yes, I think it

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Speaker 5: was actually going to be worse, especially for that wife.

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Speaker 3: Great, but you don't want to live here in China?

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Speaker 4: Yeah, you don't want to live here in China.

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Speaker 2: I would rather die.

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Speaker 6: Proposy she love. She did so good in that role. Yeah,

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Speaker 6: I think her fate being alive and not rich is

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Speaker 6: worse than death.

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Speaker 3: I thought it was interesting how he finally broke the

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Speaker 3: news to He was just like, things are gonna change,

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Speaker 3: that poor man.

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Speaker 2: Every time he got on camera, I was my butt

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Speaker 2: checks were clenched for him.

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Speaker 4: He stressed, well, had.

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Speaker 6: I'm like easy going to jail or mine?

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Speaker 2: I was like, man, like, want you.

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Speaker 4: To stay where you're at? You everybody might as well stay.

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Speaker 2: And then Arnold Schwarzenegger's son killed it too.

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Speaker 6: Can you believe that was Arnold's son?

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Speaker 4: Wait?

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Speaker 6: Old?

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Speaker 2: Do she son?

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Speaker 6: You?

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Speaker 2: Shriver and Arnold Schwarzenegger's son and he looks just like

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Speaker 2: Maria Strivers. I didn't know that.

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Speaker 5: Yeah, you know why because privileged he look you knows

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Speaker 5: exactly how that works.

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Speaker 3: I knew twelve of him in high school. I knew

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Speaker 3: I know a nigga just like that.

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Speaker 6: There's a video of him finding out that he got

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Speaker 6: cast in white lotus and he's literally at like it

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Speaker 6: looks like a white lotus. He's yeah, I'm like, he's

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Speaker 6: this is really he's ringing his life. He played a

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Speaker 6: little too good to the point where I was like,

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Speaker 6: you be into that weird shit? I know because that

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Speaker 6: whole the whole scene with his brother, and I was like,

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Speaker 6: this is a little tigavincing here.

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Speaker 4: I'm like, is this what the whites are doing on vacation?

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Speaker 4: Oh my my god.

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Speaker 5: But when I when I was watching your clip about

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Speaker 5: specifically those those that friend dynamic, it struck me a

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Speaker 5: lot because this is something we talk about too, even

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Speaker 5: when we have retreats. It's like women coming and they

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Speaker 5: want to bring their friends because they like feel like

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Speaker 5: they need the safety. But then their friends come and

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Speaker 5: then they hold them to this standard, and then they're

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Speaker 5: not allowed to kind of just like unravel and be

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Speaker 5: who they want to be because they're trying to like

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Speaker 5: put up this persona of whoever the fuck their friend

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Speaker 5: thinks they're supposed to be. And you said something in

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Speaker 5: the clip about I think it was like quality quantity

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Speaker 5: doesn't equal quality, Like just because the amount of time

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Speaker 5: you've known someone doesn't mean that they are a quality

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Speaker 5: friend to you. And I think a lot of women

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Speaker 5: specifically like rule their relationships that way. They're like, but

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Speaker 5: I've known her forever, Like she's a stupid bitch, but.

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Speaker 6: But she knows me since kindergarten.

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Speaker 5: It's fine because I've known her forever, even though she's

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Speaker 5: killing my soul. And every time I'm with her, I'm

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Speaker 5: exhausted and I leave and I feel horrible about myself.

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Speaker 6: Maybe that's a slow death, to have to constantly explain

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Speaker 6: yourself to someone over over and over and again who's

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Speaker 6: committed to misunderstanding you over and over again, invalidating your opinions. Like, honestly,

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Speaker 6: I think that there's the way we build friendships is

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Speaker 6: like that pyramid.

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Speaker 4: Remember, like the food pyramid.

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Speaker 6: It's like the food pyramid, and it's like at the

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Speaker 6: bottom you have you have the most people, but at

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Speaker 6: the top you have the fewest people. But that's like

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Speaker 6: the densest area. And usually we just put them in.

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Speaker 6: All right, my family, because you're my family, right, you'll

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Speaker 6: be a good friend to me. And I can tell

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Speaker 6: you everything. And people that I went to high school

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Speaker 6: and middle school with, and just because they have a

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Speaker 6: long time that they've spent in your life doesn't mean

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Speaker 6: that they have shared beliefs, shared values, even shared experiences.

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Speaker 6: I know me, I've went through. I'm still friends with

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Speaker 6: girls that I knew since high school, and we have

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Speaker 6: very different lives. There's things that we can airsect down

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Speaker 6: and not and I just feel like it's really important.

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Speaker 6: It's hard for women to do this though. I don't

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Speaker 6: know about you, but there's a lot of stigma around

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Speaker 6: having friends for a long time, right, Like and some

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Speaker 6: people like, oh, I don't want to outgrow my friends,

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Speaker 6: and then you get new friends and they don't know you,

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Speaker 6: and your new friends beef with your old friends, and

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Speaker 6: then to me, I just feel that that scene with

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Speaker 6: those women indicated was like it was sad. I felt that.

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Speaker 6: When I went on Twitter after the scene, I saw

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Speaker 6: like a lot of women were like, Ooh, it was

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Speaker 6: so empowering. I love the scene.

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Speaker 5: I was not empowering at all. I was so depressed

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Speaker 5: watching that talking about at the end of the trip

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Speaker 5: where like they're leaving and she was just like, you know,

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Speaker 5: I'm just happy to be at the table. She's like

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Speaker 5: happy to be at the table with these bitches. That

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Speaker 5: all about that sad because she just felt so slow

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Speaker 5: in her life that this was like the bare minimum

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Speaker 5: that she felt like she was cold could get.

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Speaker 3: I know, I think too, I think, like you said,

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Speaker 3: the stigma of having friends for a long time. I

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Speaker 3: think people underestimate how much you can actually not shift

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Speaker 3: and change and grow when you hold on too friendships

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Speaker 3: that have you've had for so.

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Speaker 2: Long, and then you wonder why, like why I can't

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Speaker 2: grow stuck?

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Speaker 3: Why because they see you the same as you were

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Speaker 3: ten years ago or fifteen years ago, and they're not

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Speaker 3: giving you the opportunity to grow because in their mind,

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Speaker 3: you're that person. Even if you're like I'm not this

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Speaker 3: person anymore, They're like, I'm comfortable with you as this

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Speaker 3: version of yourself.

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Speaker 6: That has happened so often to me. Absolutely, because I

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Speaker 6: feel like probably you guys too, because you guys really

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Speaker 6: live in your personality and I feel like watching you all,

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Speaker 6: you're constantly developing new parts of yourself. You're exploring things,

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Speaker 6: you're disagreeing with yourself back then you're reevaluating. And when

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Speaker 6: you're doing that, you're gonna shift your values a lot,

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Speaker 6: and that might set people who are not doing that.

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Speaker 6: That might make someone uncomfortable.

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Speaker 4: They don't know.

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Speaker 6: My therapist reminded me that like the person that you

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Speaker 6: were when you created that dynamic, unless too people agreed

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Speaker 6: to work on that dynamic, they expect that same performance

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Speaker 6: out of you. Those elements are gonna come out of you.

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Speaker 6: So if I was like that shy, scared, reserved Shila

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Speaker 6: and we're still we're in our thirties, that Sila still

319
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Speaker 6: comes alive when I'm around you.

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Speaker 3: So when you act up, are you taking up space?

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Speaker 3: They're like, Oh, look at Sheila. She's like takes she

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Speaker 3: wants so much attention.

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Speaker 4: Or whatever it is.

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Speaker 3: I've had so many friends, I'm a pretty like I've

325
00:13:32,160 --> 00:13:34,320
Speaker 3: been had friends tell me like you and dating, like

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Speaker 3: don't be so honest.

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Speaker 4: Like chill out likely.

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Speaker 3: I was like, so lie and then six months in

329
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Speaker 3: and be a different bitch that's gonna be deceiving.

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Speaker 2: You know.

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Speaker 3: And like I'm like the advice, even even the advice

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Speaker 3: people give you based on the version of them, a

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Speaker 3: version of you that they think that they know. I

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Speaker 3: feel like even in this space and this friendship, because

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Speaker 3: we committed to growth, you know, like we're committed to

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Speaker 3: honesty and growth asolutely. There were always we're always reassessing

337
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Speaker 3: rel like you know, reevaluating. But I think this friendship

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00:14:02,480 --> 00:14:06,840
Speaker 3: has been super like not like validating and fulfilling because

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Speaker 3: it allows me to grow, you know what I mean,

340
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Speaker 3: Like we're not stuck. And I think a lot of

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Speaker 3: friends have a hard a lot of women have a

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Speaker 3: hard time finding and making and being consistent with friendships

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Speaker 3: in their adulthood. It's more comfortable to be friends with

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Speaker 3: the bitch you know since second grade because she's going

345
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Speaker 3: to show up, she's going to go to the mall.

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Speaker 7: She knows.

347
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Speaker 2: You don't have to explain yourself.

348
00:14:26,840 --> 00:14:28,480
Speaker 3: Because a lot of people are not comfortable with meeting

349
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Speaker 3: the girl in the bathroom and actually, like exchanging numbers

350
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Speaker 3: and like, heyyl already doing today because that's awkward, but

351
00:14:33,480 --> 00:14:35,840
Speaker 3: like you have to make new friends when there's new

352
00:14:35,920 --> 00:14:39,160
Speaker 3: versions of yourself because that's how you grow. Ultimately, I

353
00:14:39,160 --> 00:14:40,800
Speaker 3: feel like I feel like if I would have stayed close,

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Speaker 3: like I think in this friendship, I mindfully took a

355
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Speaker 3: step back from other friendships because things were happening in

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Speaker 3: my life and also like that's how the god played out.

357
00:14:50,600 --> 00:14:52,480
Speaker 3: But also had that not happened, I don't know if

358
00:14:52,480 --> 00:14:55,840
Speaker 3: I would have arrived here because I was I was

359
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Speaker 3: playing out the projection of how you think that I'm

360
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Speaker 3: going to be and who I am, and I needed

361
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Speaker 3: space to like figure it out and then have a

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Speaker 3: support system that said.

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00:15:03,760 --> 00:15:05,360
Speaker 4: Oh yeah, I like that too, that's cool, that sounds

364
00:15:05,400 --> 00:15:06,880
Speaker 4: good exactly, I think too.

365
00:15:07,160 --> 00:15:11,440
Speaker 5: Like there's also once you decide to take the path

366
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Speaker 5: of I'm going to evolve and I'm going to start

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Speaker 5: attracting the people that are meeting me where I'm at,

368
00:15:18,160 --> 00:15:20,640
Speaker 5: the people that are no longer meeting you where you're at,

369
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Speaker 5: Like you have very at least for me, there's like

370
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Speaker 5: a lower tolerance.

371
00:15:24,240 --> 00:15:25,440
Speaker 2: Yeah, there's a lower tolerance.

372
00:15:25,480 --> 00:15:26,000
Speaker 4: There's a lower.

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Speaker 5: Patience and I've personally had to work on that too,

374
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Speaker 5: and like find like the patients with them, like if

375
00:15:32,000 --> 00:15:33,560
Speaker 5: I'm going to keep them in my life because there's

376
00:15:33,560 --> 00:15:36,160
Speaker 5: a few people I'm like still trying to like drag

377
00:15:36,240 --> 00:15:40,800
Speaker 5: them up with me, but when they specifically there's one person,

378
00:15:40,840 --> 00:15:43,200
Speaker 5: like when they're talking to me about the same shit

379
00:15:43,360 --> 00:15:46,800
Speaker 5: over and over again, and I'm like, Yo, you've been

380
00:15:46,840 --> 00:15:49,680
Speaker 5: talking about this shit for ten years.

381
00:15:49,840 --> 00:15:51,880
Speaker 6: You know what you're doing.

382
00:15:52,200 --> 00:15:55,200
Speaker 2: And I'm like trying. I'm like trying to also lead

383
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Speaker 2: by example.

384
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Speaker 5: Not that I'm perfect, but I'm like, yo, look how

385
00:15:57,880 --> 00:16:00,280
Speaker 5: far I've come because I said I'm going to do

386
00:16:00,320 --> 00:16:03,000
Speaker 5: something different, Like I don't know, Look how Look at

387
00:16:03,000 --> 00:16:05,000
Speaker 5: the people in my life that have also agreed to

388
00:16:05,040 --> 00:16:07,120
Speaker 5: do that work too, and look where they are at.

389
00:16:07,880 --> 00:16:10,920
Speaker 2: Look where you're at, Like why are you holding onto this?

390
00:16:11,160 --> 00:16:11,520
Speaker 2: Like why?

391
00:16:11,560 --> 00:16:14,400
Speaker 5: And so it's hard for me to then want to

392
00:16:14,440 --> 00:16:16,000
Speaker 5: always like to be around them.

393
00:16:16,040 --> 00:16:17,200
Speaker 2: It's it's really hard for me.

394
00:16:17,240 --> 00:16:19,120
Speaker 5: And then I feel guilty because like it's not that

395
00:16:19,120 --> 00:16:20,880
Speaker 5: they're bad, that this is a person is a bad person.

396
00:16:21,240 --> 00:16:24,400
Speaker 5: I love them, but but it's just like my spirit,

397
00:16:24,480 --> 00:16:27,280
Speaker 5: my energy like is like we can't engage.

398
00:16:27,720 --> 00:16:31,440
Speaker 2: Yeah, and it's hard to enet yeah, because.

399
00:16:31,120 --> 00:16:35,320
Speaker 6: They're you're gonna they're asking you subconsciously to lie for them. Yeah,

400
00:16:35,360 --> 00:16:37,240
Speaker 6: and it's like it's hard for you.

401
00:16:37,280 --> 00:16:39,440
Speaker 5: Right, And then every time I'm and then and then

402
00:16:39,440 --> 00:16:41,720
Speaker 5: I become the friend that's like, oh God, I can't

403
00:16:41,760 --> 00:16:43,040
Speaker 5: talk to Erica because she's.

404
00:16:42,880 --> 00:16:45,120
Speaker 2: Going to tell me her opinion. And I'm like, well, nigga, yeah,

405
00:16:45,160 --> 00:16:48,600
Speaker 2: because I've heard it a thousand and none are you?

406
00:16:48,640 --> 00:16:49,360
Speaker 6: Are you viage?

407
00:16:49,760 --> 00:16:52,520
Speaker 2: I've also sat and listened and that was very draining.

408
00:16:52,640 --> 00:16:55,920
Speaker 5: And also, attention people, I just want to bring you

409
00:16:56,880 --> 00:17:02,200
Speaker 5: to your attention people. Okay, if you're someone who has

410
00:17:02,240 --> 00:17:04,639
Speaker 5: been going through a hard time or like seems to

411
00:17:04,680 --> 00:17:07,119
Speaker 5: always have something going on, you know, you know if

412
00:17:07,160 --> 00:17:09,000
Speaker 5: you are I think people generally know that they are

413
00:17:10,200 --> 00:17:14,439
Speaker 5: ask for permission before dumping on people, like just say like,

414
00:17:14,560 --> 00:17:16,680
Speaker 5: even if you're not that person, I know I even

415
00:17:16,720 --> 00:17:17,760
Speaker 5: have to do that because.

416
00:17:17,520 --> 00:17:19,320
Speaker 4: The people who are that person don't know that.

417
00:17:19,440 --> 00:17:21,680
Speaker 5: You have the do you have the emotional capacity? Do

418
00:17:21,720 --> 00:17:23,720
Speaker 5: you have space for this conversation right now?

419
00:17:23,720 --> 00:17:24,520
Speaker 4: Can event right now?

420
00:17:24,560 --> 00:17:26,639
Speaker 2: Don't just hop on the call and be like girl,

421
00:17:28,520 --> 00:17:30,399
Speaker 2: like I'm like, hey, what are you doing? Just got

422
00:17:30,440 --> 00:17:31,359
Speaker 2: out of a massage.

423
00:17:31,840 --> 00:17:36,000
Speaker 5: Oh for real, listen, I'm like, God damn, Like, ask

424
00:17:36,119 --> 00:17:39,240
Speaker 5: for permission because sometimes, like it's a lot, especially as

425
00:17:39,320 --> 00:17:42,200
Speaker 5: I've entered deeper into this work, and I feel like

426
00:17:42,280 --> 00:17:45,400
Speaker 5: my energy feels have opened up so much more. I'm

427
00:17:45,720 --> 00:17:47,640
Speaker 5: I used to not really look at myself as an EmPATH.

428
00:17:48,119 --> 00:17:50,639
Speaker 5: I was like I I like because I viewed mpaths

429
00:17:50,760 --> 00:17:52,639
Speaker 5: as just like they would cry on the drop of

430
00:17:52,680 --> 00:17:55,360
Speaker 5: a dime, or like they just wanted every like they

431
00:17:55,359 --> 00:17:57,239
Speaker 5: were just everyone is a gun name, and I'm not

432
00:17:57,280 --> 00:17:59,960
Speaker 5: that type of person. I'm like, oh, yeah, see that's cool.

433
00:18:00,280 --> 00:18:02,439
Speaker 5: Like I'm a little selected with how I share my energy.

434
00:18:02,680 --> 00:18:06,680
Speaker 5: But as I've grown more into this space and healing myself,

435
00:18:07,040 --> 00:18:09,440
Speaker 5: like I realize that I can take on a lot

436
00:18:09,440 --> 00:18:12,479
Speaker 5: of people's energies and it's very exhausting for me, like

437
00:18:12,520 --> 00:18:15,840
Speaker 5: my social battery shit. Like, as I've gotten older, I

438
00:18:15,880 --> 00:18:18,040
Speaker 5: can't operate the same way that I used to do.

439
00:18:18,160 --> 00:18:19,199
Speaker 2: I just can't. Nope.

440
00:18:19,440 --> 00:18:21,879
Speaker 5: And so like when someone comes to you and calls

441
00:18:21,920 --> 00:18:25,680
Speaker 5: you and starts dumping shit on you, like you please

442
00:18:25,840 --> 00:18:28,440
Speaker 5: ask for permission. Just ask, even if you're if you

443
00:18:28,480 --> 00:18:31,280
Speaker 5: think you're not that person, I guarantee you someone in your.

444
00:18:31,200 --> 00:18:33,879
Speaker 3: Life is like, oh God, here she comes, especially in

445
00:18:33,880 --> 00:18:36,720
Speaker 3: this day and age where like I feel like there's

446
00:18:36,760 --> 00:18:38,200
Speaker 3: already so much going on.

447
00:18:38,160 --> 00:18:40,320
Speaker 6: That's like we're overstressed.

448
00:18:40,359 --> 00:18:45,080
Speaker 3: Yeah, we're so overstretched, so overstimulated, so overinformed. Like I

449
00:18:45,160 --> 00:18:47,399
Speaker 3: never even thought to say overinformed. No, but like I

450
00:18:47,400 --> 00:18:50,520
Speaker 3: don't need to hear about every fucking tragedy worldwide on

451
00:18:50,600 --> 00:18:53,560
Speaker 3: the internet. Like I'm overstimulated, and I think it's and

452
00:18:53,560 --> 00:18:56,840
Speaker 3: we're paranoid because we're getting fed so much shit. So

453
00:18:56,920 --> 00:18:59,600
Speaker 3: I'm just like, how how am I supposed to then

454
00:18:59,720 --> 00:19:02,280
Speaker 3: all take on your ship like it's it's it's a lot.

455
00:19:02,320 --> 00:19:03,280
Speaker 3: It's a lot to be a mom, it's a lot

456
00:19:03,359 --> 00:19:05,239
Speaker 3: to be like to work, it's a lot. Like it's

457
00:19:05,280 --> 00:19:06,879
Speaker 3: a lot to be paying bills, it's a lot to

458
00:19:06,880 --> 00:19:09,000
Speaker 3: be a fucking adult. And I think as women were

459
00:19:09,000 --> 00:19:13,879
Speaker 3: all like naturally in path and we're naturally going to

460
00:19:13,920 --> 00:19:16,120
Speaker 3: be nurturing and so when someone tells you something, you're

461
00:19:16,119 --> 00:19:18,200
Speaker 3: going to be present in hearing it. And maybe that's

462
00:19:18,240 --> 00:19:20,679
Speaker 3: just our fucking water sign asses too, Like I know

463
00:19:20,760 --> 00:19:23,000
Speaker 3: I'm very sensitive, so like, yeah, there be times I

464
00:19:23,080 --> 00:19:25,280
Speaker 3: will straight up not answer her phone call because I do.

465
00:19:26,800 --> 00:19:28,280
Speaker 5: I already know what this happened. You're calling me at

466
00:19:28,320 --> 00:19:30,320
Speaker 5: past nine pm. It's going now.

467
00:19:30,480 --> 00:19:32,320
Speaker 6: Yeah, I don't have the capacity. Sorry.

468
00:19:32,440 --> 00:19:34,680
Speaker 3: Even my mom used to be that type of person,

469
00:19:34,760 --> 00:19:36,920
Speaker 3: like every time she would call, she's talking shit about

470
00:19:36,920 --> 00:19:38,800
Speaker 3: my dad. And there came a point where I was like, girl,

471
00:19:39,200 --> 00:19:40,280
Speaker 3: I can't hear it.

472
00:19:40,359 --> 00:19:41,880
Speaker 4: I grew, I lived with.

473
00:19:41,840 --> 00:19:45,560
Speaker 6: You, you picked him for me, and now you want me

474
00:19:46,119 --> 00:19:50,280
Speaker 6: to let him like eighteen years, you know.

475
00:19:50,480 --> 00:19:52,600
Speaker 3: And she's kind of like, I think become more aware

476
00:19:52,640 --> 00:19:56,040
Speaker 3: of it. And because I did, I took some steps back, really,

477
00:19:56,200 --> 00:19:58,359
Speaker 3: and now we're in a better place because I just

478
00:19:58,359 --> 00:20:00,640
Speaker 3: think she's more She was like, sorry, I didn't mean to.

479
00:20:00,560 --> 00:20:02,359
Speaker 4: Like go, you know, I just needed to talk to someone.

480
00:20:02,480 --> 00:20:04,080
Speaker 4: I'm like, yeah, but.

481
00:20:04,359 --> 00:20:07,400
Speaker 3: I think people think it's mean to set boundaries that way,

482
00:20:07,480 --> 00:20:09,720
Speaker 3: or you're not there for your friend, but it's like,

483
00:20:10,040 --> 00:20:11,280
Speaker 3: are you there for yourself?

484
00:20:11,400 --> 00:20:12,760
Speaker 2: I think it's also me too, though.

485
00:20:12,800 --> 00:20:15,480
Speaker 5: I have to be better too about setting the boundary

486
00:20:15,520 --> 00:20:18,200
Speaker 5: early on the conversation, Like when I hear someone start

487
00:20:18,560 --> 00:20:19,880
Speaker 5: about to unload.

488
00:20:19,800 --> 00:20:23,119
Speaker 2: Be like, hey, thank you, thank you for sharing.

489
00:20:23,359 --> 00:20:25,439
Speaker 5: I right now, I just don't have the capacity to

490
00:20:25,480 --> 00:20:26,520
Speaker 5: take on this conversation.

491
00:20:26,680 --> 00:20:27,159
Speaker 2: I love you.

492
00:20:27,320 --> 00:20:29,439
Speaker 5: I would really love to be present for you in

493
00:20:29,480 --> 00:20:30,800
Speaker 5: this conversation, but I can't re now.

494
00:20:30,800 --> 00:20:32,960
Speaker 4: I'm not good at that. I feel like a bitch.

495
00:20:33,000 --> 00:20:35,000
Speaker 5: I'm working on it, I know, but I feel like,

496
00:20:35,520 --> 00:20:39,960
Speaker 5: but if they can't accept that, like, then there's already

497
00:20:40,040 --> 00:20:43,240
Speaker 5: like a boundary and respect issue happening. And I think that, like,

498
00:20:43,400 --> 00:20:45,760
Speaker 5: I don't know, I feel like, I think when you

499
00:20:45,800 --> 00:20:47,800
Speaker 5: do that for it, when you actually start, when I

500
00:20:47,800 --> 00:20:50,720
Speaker 5: start finally doing this to my friend starting tomorrow. But

501
00:20:51,000 --> 00:20:57,280
Speaker 5: also I think that like perhaps it actually helps them too.

502
00:20:57,600 --> 00:21:01,040
Speaker 5: It helps you realize, yeah, to become more cognizant of

503
00:21:01,119 --> 00:21:05,400
Speaker 5: like how much they're also like speaking out these words

504
00:21:05,400 --> 00:21:08,560
Speaker 5: and creating the madness in their life because words are spells,

505
00:21:08,560 --> 00:21:10,119
Speaker 5: and we all know, like the more you talk about it,

506
00:21:10,280 --> 00:21:14,000
Speaker 5: the more you're talking, talking, talking, Yeah, you're feeding the flame.

507
00:21:14,480 --> 00:21:16,240
Speaker 4: I also know. Okay, it was the last on these people.

508
00:21:17,480 --> 00:21:22,280
Speaker 3: Those type of people rarely say how are you, Yeah, girl.

509
00:21:22,160 --> 00:21:23,479
Speaker 4: What's going on with your life?

510
00:21:24,000 --> 00:21:25,800
Speaker 3: I think has we like when you can hold it together,

511
00:21:25,960 --> 00:21:28,960
Speaker 3: you appear well, everything seems fine, and you're like mostly

512
00:21:29,080 --> 00:21:30,360
Speaker 3: positive and optimistic.

513
00:21:30,480 --> 00:21:33,800
Speaker 4: People think she is space and time to hear my shit. No, nigga,

514
00:21:33,920 --> 00:21:36,879
Speaker 4: I do not. I have some shit going on to today.

515
00:21:36,920 --> 00:21:40,040
Speaker 3: Whether you have asked or fucking inquired my nigga, I'm

516
00:21:40,080 --> 00:21:41,840
Speaker 3: feeling away. I'm not you know whatever, But like I

517
00:21:41,880 --> 00:21:45,160
Speaker 3: feel like those people rarely do that. And that's where

518
00:21:45,200 --> 00:21:47,239
Speaker 3: I started to realize, Like, nigga, you don't even call

519
00:21:47,280 --> 00:21:49,399
Speaker 3: and check on me, but you have time and space

520
00:21:49,440 --> 00:21:53,160
Speaker 3: and energy to dump on me. I can definitely ignore

521
00:21:53,200 --> 00:21:56,280
Speaker 3: this phone call. Like even whiny ask people like, bitch,

522
00:21:56,320 --> 00:21:59,920
Speaker 3: shut up, stop fucking whining.

523
00:22:00,080 --> 00:22:01,639
Speaker 4: I have a child. I do not need to hear

524
00:22:02,080 --> 00:22:02,880
Speaker 4: your adult line.

525
00:22:02,960 --> 00:22:05,400
Speaker 6: A Posts said, like you've ever been talking to somebody

526
00:22:05,440 --> 00:22:07,560
Speaker 6: about their problems and then realize me way they like

527
00:22:07,640 --> 00:22:11,200
Speaker 6: their problems. Yeah, like this problem isn't going anywhere.

528
00:22:11,320 --> 00:22:12,760
Speaker 2: She's you actually love this?

529
00:22:13,240 --> 00:22:15,480
Speaker 6: You love this? Yeah, And so then I'm like that's

530
00:22:15,520 --> 00:22:17,679
Speaker 6: when I'm like, oh, this is my sign to exits.

531
00:22:17,840 --> 00:22:18,679
Speaker 4: Yeah.

532
00:22:18,720 --> 00:22:20,760
Speaker 6: Well, I might engage to a degree, but then at

533
00:22:20,760 --> 00:22:22,560
Speaker 6: a certain point, it's like, like you said, it's just

534
00:22:22,560 --> 00:22:25,480
Speaker 6: going on a merry go around engaging in enabling that

535
00:22:25,560 --> 00:22:26,200
Speaker 6: same behavior.

536
00:22:26,280 --> 00:22:26,879
Speaker 4: We're not doing that.

537
00:22:27,320 --> 00:22:31,159
Speaker 3: What are some ways that you've made adult like friends

538
00:22:31,160 --> 00:22:32,000
Speaker 3: in your adulthood?

539
00:22:32,320 --> 00:22:32,720
Speaker 4: Yeah?

540
00:22:33,080 --> 00:22:35,560
Speaker 6: Friends, I feel that that was the hardest thing for

541
00:22:35,560 --> 00:22:37,679
Speaker 6: me to write about in my book. Everything else, I

542
00:22:37,720 --> 00:22:40,400
Speaker 6: feel like came really naturally. And then I said, why

543
00:22:40,400 --> 00:22:43,199
Speaker 6: am I having so much trouble writing a chapter about

544
00:22:43,440 --> 00:22:47,520
Speaker 6: female companionship as adults? And I'm like, okay, well, number one.

545
00:22:48,680 --> 00:22:51,680
Speaker 6: From my perspective, we are taught to center men from

546
00:22:51,720 --> 00:22:54,159
Speaker 6: a very young age, and we are taught how to

547
00:22:54,200 --> 00:22:58,480
Speaker 6: socialize with men, how to impress them, how to appease them.

548
00:22:58,840 --> 00:23:02,440
Speaker 6: We learned so much much information. We're trained on how

549
00:23:02,480 --> 00:23:04,920
Speaker 6: to be a white from you from when you're young.

550
00:23:04,960 --> 00:23:05,920
Speaker 4: They'll little kitchen.

551
00:23:06,040 --> 00:23:08,160
Speaker 6: Yeah, with that little kitchen, the little place set all

552
00:23:08,240 --> 00:23:11,119
Speaker 6: that you're taking care of your babies. But I don't

553
00:23:11,160 --> 00:23:13,639
Speaker 6: necessarily think we have as much framework around how to

554
00:23:13,640 --> 00:23:16,639
Speaker 6: be a friend to other women, because that requires you

555
00:23:16,760 --> 00:23:19,840
Speaker 6: centering women in a certain way that might a lot

556
00:23:19,840 --> 00:23:22,480
Speaker 6: of women might not be familiar with. Right. And so

557
00:23:22,600 --> 00:23:24,840
Speaker 6: for me, the way that I make friends as an

558
00:23:24,880 --> 00:23:29,600
Speaker 6: adult is I align on specificity so very and I

559
00:23:29,720 --> 00:23:32,439
Speaker 6: keep it small what I use, so I'm aries and

560
00:23:32,480 --> 00:23:34,320
Speaker 6: I'm a very honest person, like we were talking about,

561
00:23:34,480 --> 00:23:36,360
Speaker 6: and I felt like, for a long time, if you're

562
00:23:36,400 --> 00:23:38,560
Speaker 6: a friend and you're close to me, that means I

563
00:23:38,600 --> 00:23:40,639
Speaker 6: have to tell you everything. Like that's just that was

564
00:23:40,680 --> 00:23:42,320
Speaker 6: just my way of connecting, like you got to know

565
00:23:42,400 --> 00:23:44,680
Speaker 6: everything about me. And then I realized number one, girl,

566
00:23:44,720 --> 00:23:50,680
Speaker 6: you're fuck I was that one overwhelming people. Fine, yeah,

567
00:23:50,840 --> 00:23:52,960
Speaker 6: because you got you a busy bitch like you, Like

568
00:23:53,000 --> 00:23:54,720
Speaker 6: I have just a lot of things going on. So

569
00:23:54,760 --> 00:23:56,600
Speaker 6: it's like, okay, like you know, I'll be outside. I

570
00:23:56,640 --> 00:24:00,280
Speaker 6: be like I saw a bird and I swim it

571
00:24:00,400 --> 00:24:02,960
Speaker 6: was my grandmother and then let me tell you why,

572
00:24:03,080 --> 00:24:06,840
Speaker 6: and yeah.

573
00:24:05,320 --> 00:24:07,439
Speaker 5: Let me tell you why because it was blue and

574
00:24:07,440 --> 00:24:10,840
Speaker 5: my grandmother had a blue brooch that she used to wear.

575
00:24:11,560 --> 00:24:17,200
Speaker 6: So I'm cooking dinner, okay to me, I just took

576
00:24:17,240 --> 00:24:20,119
Speaker 6: that approach where it's just this full on approach. If

577
00:24:20,119 --> 00:24:23,320
Speaker 6: you're a friend, it's everything You're invited to every event.

578
00:24:23,440 --> 00:24:26,000
Speaker 6: I share everything with you. Now, I take a very

579
00:24:26,000 --> 00:24:29,920
Speaker 6: catered approach. So I have my my spiritual girls. Those

580
00:24:29,920 --> 00:24:31,879
Speaker 6: are the girls I'm gonna tell about the bird right

581
00:24:32,000 --> 00:24:34,399
Speaker 6: because she's gonna go me too. Oh my god.

582
00:24:34,400 --> 00:24:38,280
Speaker 4: I let me look at animal spottings, the metal physical.

583
00:24:40,240 --> 00:24:43,000
Speaker 6: We're gonna love that. And then like, because I'm a

584
00:24:43,080 --> 00:24:45,200
Speaker 6: I'm a film head, I'm a Centinophile. I love film

585
00:24:45,240 --> 00:24:48,000
Speaker 6: and TV. I have girls that I just go. All

586
00:24:48,040 --> 00:24:50,399
Speaker 6: we do is go see scared movies together like that.

587
00:24:50,480 --> 00:24:53,000
Speaker 6: I love horror, that's my thing, and right, I just

588
00:24:53,040 --> 00:24:56,160
Speaker 6: love the genre. No no, no, and so like I'll

589
00:24:56,200 --> 00:24:58,560
Speaker 6: go there do that with her other friends who are

590
00:24:58,600 --> 00:25:00,760
Speaker 6: just like our artistic friends. She like to make stuff

591
00:25:00,760 --> 00:25:02,760
Speaker 6: with her hands. Oh girl, let's do pottery. And that's

592
00:25:02,800 --> 00:25:04,600
Speaker 6: all it has to be. It has to be a

593
00:25:04,600 --> 00:25:07,199
Speaker 6: simple touch point. We go do something, we have a

594
00:25:07,240 --> 00:25:10,120
Speaker 6: shared experience where it creates new memories. Because a lot

595
00:25:10,160 --> 00:25:12,400
Speaker 6: of times when you're older, when you get in your

596
00:25:12,440 --> 00:25:14,240
Speaker 6: I'm forty, so I feel like when you get in

597
00:25:14,280 --> 00:25:16,240
Speaker 6: your late thirties and forties, you kind of can get

598
00:25:16,240 --> 00:25:18,560
Speaker 6: in the trap of not making new memories that you're

599
00:25:18,600 --> 00:25:20,720
Speaker 6: just catching up. Like every time you see each other,

600
00:25:20,720 --> 00:25:23,560
Speaker 6: you're just rehashing remember this, remember.

601
00:25:23,200 --> 00:25:26,120
Speaker 2: That there's no new content.

602
00:25:26,400 --> 00:25:29,040
Speaker 6: So I'm very mindful to create new memories. And they

603
00:25:29,040 --> 00:25:31,399
Speaker 6: don't have to be big memories. Me my social battery

604
00:25:31,440 --> 00:25:34,280
Speaker 6: can run out very fast. So I know me all right,

605
00:25:34,320 --> 00:25:37,240
Speaker 6: this person's that's my artistic girl. We're gonna do pottery.

606
00:25:37,680 --> 00:25:39,679
Speaker 6: We're gonna maybe have a little bite to eat after that,

607
00:25:39,720 --> 00:25:41,239
Speaker 6: and that's gonna be. That doesn't have to be this

608
00:25:41,320 --> 00:25:42,360
Speaker 6: all encompassing thing.

609
00:25:42,720 --> 00:25:43,679
Speaker 4: You don't have to go on vacation.

610
00:25:44,520 --> 00:25:46,320
Speaker 6: You can see I got my girls, but I can't

611
00:25:46,320 --> 00:25:46,800
Speaker 6: go on vacation.

612
00:25:47,320 --> 00:25:48,440
Speaker 4: I just make any friends. Like, you want to go,

613
00:25:48,560 --> 00:25:49,399
Speaker 4: you want to go here, you want to go.

614
00:25:49,520 --> 00:25:51,960
Speaker 2: She had to learn her vacation lessons.

615
00:25:52,000 --> 00:25:53,760
Speaker 4: This very really Yeah.

616
00:25:53,920 --> 00:25:56,159
Speaker 6: You remind me of one of my best friends so much. Tasha.

617
00:25:56,200 --> 00:25:59,920
Speaker 6: She's in La too, Issha. She makes friends with everybody.

618
00:26:00,119 --> 00:26:02,720
Speaker 6: She's such she's like the perfect villager. Like when I

619
00:26:02,760 --> 00:26:05,240
Speaker 6: think about being in community, that's Tasha. She'll peek you

620
00:26:05,320 --> 00:26:08,280
Speaker 6: up from the airport. I'll bring it over, no problem.

621
00:26:08,359 --> 00:26:10,760
Speaker 6: I was out this fabric store. Didn't you need this fabric? Like?

622
00:26:10,920 --> 00:26:13,520
Speaker 6: She's so thoughtful and just open minded like that. I'm

623
00:26:13,560 --> 00:26:15,440
Speaker 6: a little bit more I am.

624
00:26:15,520 --> 00:26:18,080
Speaker 3: I'm open. I'm very open. I hugged a girl in

625
00:26:18,080 --> 00:26:19,800
Speaker 3: the club last night and she cried, I.

626
00:26:20,040 --> 00:26:21,880
Speaker 5: Know, wait, Orlando comes to me. I'm like, where's you, Mela.

627
00:26:21,880 --> 00:26:25,040
Speaker 5: She's like, oh, she's therapizing someone in the corner. I

628
00:26:25,080 --> 00:26:26,080
Speaker 5: was like, what are you talking about. I don't know

629
00:26:26,080 --> 00:26:28,280
Speaker 5: if she's really tall, Jamla's really small. She's like, has

630
00:26:28,280 --> 00:26:30,320
Speaker 5: her hands, she's like groping. She's like she's like Jamila

631
00:26:30,400 --> 00:26:33,120
Speaker 5: is holding her head like this, and I don't even

632
00:26:33,160 --> 00:26:37,080
Speaker 5: know what I've ever heard tantraing her. I'm okay, well

633
00:26:37,119 --> 00:26:38,800
Speaker 5: i'll see her in about twenty minutes.

634
00:26:38,880 --> 00:26:40,520
Speaker 4: I did, and she was like, thank you. I really

635
00:26:40,600 --> 00:26:42,760
Speaker 4: needed to hear this. I was like, whatever you're going through, girl,

636
00:26:42,800 --> 00:26:43,840
Speaker 4: let it go special.

637
00:26:43,960 --> 00:26:45,199
Speaker 3: I was like, you'd already know. I was kind even

638
00:26:45,200 --> 00:26:46,600
Speaker 3: know what you're going through. It's overheard you. I was like,

639
00:26:46,680 --> 00:26:48,720
Speaker 3: let him go. Let it go if you don't feel

640
00:26:48,720 --> 00:26:50,960
Speaker 3: good about it, if it doesn't feel irrespectful, if it

641
00:26:51,000 --> 00:26:53,320
Speaker 3: doesn't feel like literally, I'm telling you this as a

642
00:26:53,320 --> 00:26:54,880
Speaker 3: sign as soon as you move out of the situation,

643
00:26:54,920 --> 00:26:55,640
Speaker 3: you're going to do better.

644
00:26:56,000 --> 00:26:56,679
Speaker 4: And we're friends on.

645
00:26:56,720 --> 00:27:00,480
Speaker 3: Instagram now, Indigo shout out to Indigo, but you you

646
00:27:00,520 --> 00:27:02,000
Speaker 3: know what I feel like too, And tell me if

647
00:27:02,000 --> 00:27:04,240
Speaker 3: this resonates with you, because I know that I've liked

648
00:27:04,320 --> 00:27:05,800
Speaker 3: you know, had to love research. You were talking about

649
00:27:05,840 --> 00:27:09,040
Speaker 3: the mother wound and I think I'm realizing this right now,

650
00:27:09,160 --> 00:27:12,199
Speaker 3: like in this year that because I don't have a

651
00:27:12,200 --> 00:27:15,159
Speaker 3: problem making like female friends, but I think that I

652
00:27:15,240 --> 00:27:18,960
Speaker 3: realize like in my closest friendships, there are certain things

653
00:27:19,000 --> 00:27:22,480
Speaker 3: that are triggers for me, and I recognize now that,

654
00:27:22,920 --> 00:27:25,600
Speaker 3: like even my I think my attraction to women is

655
00:27:25,600 --> 00:27:27,800
Speaker 3: that like me and growing up with my mom, we

656
00:27:27,800 --> 00:27:30,159
Speaker 3: weren't super super close like I saw my friends be,

657
00:27:30,720 --> 00:27:33,119
Speaker 3: and so I gravitated to women. And I've had like

658
00:27:33,200 --> 00:27:36,840
Speaker 3: codependent relationships with some of my best friends, like literally

659
00:27:36,920 --> 00:27:39,439
Speaker 3: just at each other's house for five days straight and

660
00:27:39,440 --> 00:27:44,160
Speaker 3: shit us. Yeah, and also recognizing when there's certain triggers

661
00:27:44,160 --> 00:27:46,960
Speaker 3: that come up, like my mom was relentless for my

662
00:27:47,040 --> 00:27:50,240
Speaker 3: dad for one hundred million years until literally last week.

663
00:27:50,760 --> 00:27:53,879
Speaker 3: So when I see in like my female friendships, I

664
00:27:53,920 --> 00:27:57,600
Speaker 3: feel when I see women like make men the center

665
00:27:57,640 --> 00:28:02,200
Speaker 3: of their lives or they they cheat themselves by being

666
00:28:02,200 --> 00:28:05,080
Speaker 3: in relationships, I'm super triggered by that, you know, or

667
00:28:05,119 --> 00:28:07,080
Speaker 3: like just make their whole world about their man, Like

668
00:28:07,560 --> 00:28:09,320
Speaker 3: I get triggered by that. I did that, and it

669
00:28:09,359 --> 00:28:12,640
Speaker 3: made me realize, Oh, bitch, you're triggered because you thought

670
00:28:12,760 --> 00:28:15,080
Speaker 3: this bitch was your mom and you have this motherlike friend.

671
00:28:15,200 --> 00:28:18,119
Speaker 3: Like there's this dynamic that I realized, Like I'm triggered

672
00:28:18,160 --> 00:28:20,320
Speaker 3: by that because I feel like a women have been

673
00:28:20,320 --> 00:28:24,120
Speaker 3: conditioned to center their men and their romantic relationships and go.

674
00:28:24,240 --> 00:28:25,520
Speaker 4: Everything else goes to the wind.

675
00:28:25,880 --> 00:28:27,720
Speaker 3: And also that like it's a dynamic that I grew

676
00:28:27,760 --> 00:28:29,560
Speaker 3: up in my family where I felt like my mom

677
00:28:29,760 --> 00:28:33,400
Speaker 3: would fucking go everything else fell to the wayside, but

678
00:28:33,440 --> 00:28:35,239
Speaker 3: when my dad was doing some shit, that was her

679
00:28:35,280 --> 00:28:38,120
Speaker 3: main thing. And so I just realized, like in my

680
00:28:38,200 --> 00:28:41,760
Speaker 3: adulthood where my triggers and my female friendships come up,

681
00:28:41,960 --> 00:28:44,680
Speaker 3: and like why I clung to some like female friendships

682
00:28:44,760 --> 00:28:45,240
Speaker 3: very hard.

683
00:28:45,600 --> 00:28:46,680
Speaker 4: And I'm like, do you see that?

684
00:28:46,760 --> 00:28:48,640
Speaker 3: And like with your going through the work that you

685
00:28:48,680 --> 00:28:50,720
Speaker 3: do and writing this book, and like I didn't know

686
00:28:50,720 --> 00:28:52,600
Speaker 3: what the mother wound was you were speaking of, but

687
00:28:52,920 --> 00:28:53,479
Speaker 3: do you see that?

688
00:28:53,520 --> 00:28:56,000
Speaker 4: And you're like a reflection of your friendships too. Yes.

689
00:28:56,240 --> 00:28:59,800
Speaker 6: Absolutely, By the way, I really loved you having slum

690
00:29:00,080 --> 00:29:04,240
Speaker 6: Our slum Flower to talk about this. I love her.

691
00:29:04,320 --> 00:29:04,800
Speaker 2: I love her.

692
00:29:05,400 --> 00:29:07,640
Speaker 6: I think she's like one of the most brilliant but

693
00:29:07,720 --> 00:29:09,920
Speaker 6: I call her a philosophers. Yes she is to me,

694
00:29:10,240 --> 00:29:12,080
Speaker 6: and I'm like one of the most brilliant minds that

695
00:29:12,160 --> 00:29:15,479
Speaker 6: speaks on this type of topic. And I love hearing her,

696
00:29:15,600 --> 00:29:17,920
Speaker 6: even if I don't live like another one. I just

697
00:29:18,160 --> 00:29:20,720
Speaker 6: love hearing her thoughts. Every time I hear her speak,

698
00:29:20,720 --> 00:29:21,440
Speaker 6: I learned something new.

699
00:29:21,760 --> 00:29:23,120
Speaker 2: I love you.

700
00:29:28,080 --> 00:29:32,720
Speaker 6: Yeah, the men hated that. How could you abandon your mother?

701
00:29:33,560 --> 00:29:37,640
Speaker 5: You have even if she abused you, Like, yeah, it

702
00:29:37,720 --> 00:29:39,600
Speaker 5: was crazy A lot of Yeah.

703
00:29:39,640 --> 00:29:42,080
Speaker 6: No, I think that a lot of us have mother womb.

704
00:29:42,240 --> 00:29:44,640
Speaker 6: Everybody's gonna have some type of womb. There's going to

705
00:29:44,720 --> 00:29:47,120
Speaker 6: be something there with your mom. And if you're not

706
00:29:47,320 --> 00:29:49,480
Speaker 6: mindful about that, or if you haven't explored that, not

707
00:29:49,560 --> 00:29:52,880
Speaker 6: everybody has access to therapy. Therapy can be expensive, it

708
00:29:52,880 --> 00:29:56,520
Speaker 6: can be prohibitive, But if you haven't looked into any

709
00:29:56,560 --> 00:29:59,000
Speaker 6: of that, you can find yourself trying to What we

710
00:29:59,080 --> 00:30:02,120
Speaker 6: do is we try to play this scenario again and

711
00:30:02,200 --> 00:30:04,600
Speaker 6: again and then in order to do it right this time.

712
00:30:04,880 --> 00:30:06,800
Speaker 6: So if you feel like your mom didn't give you

713
00:30:06,960 --> 00:30:10,080
Speaker 6: enough praise, maybe just as an example, you might be

714
00:30:10,120 --> 00:30:12,120
Speaker 6: looking for your friends feeling like I just feel like

715
00:30:12,200 --> 00:30:15,280
Speaker 6: she doesn't acknowledge me. I again looking for praising her

716
00:30:15,280 --> 00:30:17,400
Speaker 6: and praising her to do it right this time. So

717
00:30:17,520 --> 00:30:20,480
Speaker 6: I think everybody's a mirror. So whatever we're going through

718
00:30:20,520 --> 00:30:22,960
Speaker 6: with our friends is a reflection of something that we

719
00:30:23,000 --> 00:30:25,120
Speaker 6: could take a look at. But when it comes to

720
00:30:25,160 --> 00:30:28,120
Speaker 6: the mother wound. Specifically, I one hundred percent relate to that.

721
00:30:28,440 --> 00:30:31,480
Speaker 6: I feel like, from my perspective, my mother had I

722
00:30:31,560 --> 00:30:34,080
Speaker 6: love my mom, I love you Mom. She has a

723
00:30:34,120 --> 00:30:37,080
Speaker 6: little bit of a harsh outer like it was her

724
00:30:37,080 --> 00:30:39,640
Speaker 6: InterVoice that became outer voice that became my intervals. And

725
00:30:40,400 --> 00:30:42,560
Speaker 6: so I feel that that has become a thing with

726
00:30:42,640 --> 00:30:44,880
Speaker 6: me where I start to I start to become the mom,

727
00:30:45,000 --> 00:30:46,760
Speaker 6: like I'm the caretaker friend. I always used to be

728
00:30:46,760 --> 00:30:49,320
Speaker 6: the friend make sure everybody's good. And then I would

729
00:30:49,360 --> 00:30:51,360
Speaker 6: come and feel again that if I need to share

730
00:30:51,360 --> 00:30:54,320
Speaker 6: my opinion because that's my caretaking. That's how my mom

731
00:30:54,360 --> 00:30:56,680
Speaker 6: is show caretaking, Like I don't like that you didn't

732
00:30:56,680 --> 00:30:58,160
Speaker 6: do you know, like you did all this stuff good,

733
00:30:58,160 --> 00:31:00,360
Speaker 6: but this right here needs to be changed. And like

734
00:31:00,440 --> 00:31:02,400
Speaker 6: that was how I was showing up with my friends

735
00:31:02,400 --> 00:31:04,280
Speaker 6: because I felt like it was caretaking. I would want

736
00:31:04,320 --> 00:31:06,680
Speaker 6: someone to tell me right, But then it's like, bitch,

737
00:31:06,680 --> 00:31:08,480
Speaker 6: you're the one with the negative you bring in the

738
00:31:08,560 --> 00:31:11,040
Speaker 6: vibe down. I haven't asked all that, So I had

739
00:31:11,080 --> 00:31:13,360
Speaker 6: to take that information and rework it because I definitely

740
00:31:13,400 --> 00:31:16,880
Speaker 6: don't want to perpetuate that. But yeah, mother wounds absolutely

741
00:31:16,880 --> 00:31:19,160
Speaker 6: play into it. By the way, I want to backtrack,

742
00:31:19,240 --> 00:31:21,200
Speaker 6: and you were talking about how you were at the

743
00:31:21,240 --> 00:31:23,360
Speaker 6: club last night and you were like being super friendly.

744
00:31:23,640 --> 00:31:27,840
Speaker 6: I just I just like had this memory I when

745
00:31:27,840 --> 00:31:29,960
Speaker 6: I first started dating as like me and my friends

746
00:31:30,000 --> 00:31:32,120
Speaker 6: would go to the strip club all the time. And

747
00:31:32,160 --> 00:31:34,160
Speaker 6: he literally was like she like, you cannot come to

748
00:31:34,200 --> 00:31:36,560
Speaker 6: the strip club with me no more because every time

749
00:31:39,120 --> 00:31:42,280
Speaker 6: baby go back to school, they took all my money,

750
00:31:42,440 --> 00:31:44,680
Speaker 6: like I gave them all the money. Like I would

751
00:31:44,680 --> 00:31:47,480
Speaker 6: just feel so bad because I would be like, I

752
00:31:47,800 --> 00:31:49,360
Speaker 6: just want you to know, you're gorgeous.

753
00:31:49,560 --> 00:31:51,840
Speaker 3: You have to dance, You're gonna take Yeah, you can

754
00:31:51,960 --> 00:31:54,560
Speaker 3: be about Rena and you know, like I'll be in

755
00:31:54,560 --> 00:31:56,600
Speaker 3: there and they're like, let's go, let's go.

756
00:31:56,800 --> 00:31:59,120
Speaker 6: They're they're getting off on your sister, and I was like, damn,

757
00:31:59,160 --> 00:32:00,240
Speaker 6: but I.

758
00:32:00,320 --> 00:32:02,720
Speaker 4: Just want to go next week.

759
00:32:02,880 --> 00:32:05,240
Speaker 2: She give her one hundred singles.

760
00:32:05,400 --> 00:32:07,640
Speaker 4: Literally, you can't you.

761
00:32:07,600 --> 00:32:10,160
Speaker 6: Can't take me anywhere. But yeah, sorry, I don't know

762
00:32:10,200 --> 00:32:10,760
Speaker 6: how we got there.

763
00:32:10,640 --> 00:32:12,960
Speaker 4: From I understand.

764
00:32:15,360 --> 00:32:15,640
Speaker 2: Yeah.

765
00:32:15,800 --> 00:32:19,160
Speaker 3: I think the female friendship thing and an adulthood it

766
00:32:19,200 --> 00:32:22,360
Speaker 3: really requires some like inner like some reflection and introspection

767
00:32:22,560 --> 00:32:24,080
Speaker 3: that a lot of people are not willing to do

768
00:32:24,520 --> 00:32:27,360
Speaker 3: about themselves about their family dynamics. But I find that,

769
00:32:27,440 --> 00:32:30,320
Speaker 3: I mean, you know, we're some deep best bitches, spiritual bitches.

770
00:32:30,680 --> 00:32:31,800
Speaker 4: I find like all.

771
00:32:31,840 --> 00:32:35,040
Speaker 6: You guys make the best friends though, spiritual girls like,

772
00:32:35,160 --> 00:32:37,360
Speaker 6: oh gotta make the best type of friends. Yeah, because

773
00:32:37,360 --> 00:32:40,240
Speaker 6: you know yourself more. The more you know yourself, the

774
00:32:40,280 --> 00:32:42,840
Speaker 6: better you can be a friend. Like like she said,

775
00:32:43,000 --> 00:32:45,720
Speaker 6: knowing I know how Hi, I just want to say,

776
00:32:45,720 --> 00:32:47,640
Speaker 6: in the beginning of this conversation, I'm not in a

777
00:32:47,680 --> 00:32:50,760
Speaker 6: space like that's her knowing herself. And then when you

778
00:32:50,800 --> 00:32:52,720
Speaker 6: when you don't speak up like that, then it becomes

779
00:32:52,720 --> 00:32:55,560
Speaker 6: a manipulative right, or then it becomes something else because

780
00:32:55,560 --> 00:32:57,560
Speaker 6: you're feeling a way you're not saying it, and then

781
00:32:57,680 --> 00:33:00,320
Speaker 6: she's constantly dumping on you, and then you're feeling and

782
00:33:00,320 --> 00:33:01,800
Speaker 6: then later it comes up and it can become a

783
00:33:01,800 --> 00:33:04,800
Speaker 6: big thing. Whereas I feel like the girlies who are

784
00:33:04,800 --> 00:33:08,040
Speaker 6: interested in self work can more likely catch themselves. They

785
00:33:08,040 --> 00:33:10,480
Speaker 6: have a certain level of self awareness, And I can

786
00:33:10,520 --> 00:33:13,600
Speaker 6: do anything with someone who's self aware. Yeah, we can

787
00:33:13,640 --> 00:33:16,680
Speaker 6: do anything. We can rework a relationship, we can end it,

788
00:33:16,720 --> 00:33:19,680
Speaker 6: amend it, we can restart it. If you're not self aware,

789
00:33:19,840 --> 00:33:21,240
Speaker 6: if you're just gonna be looking at me like, well,

790
00:33:21,440 --> 00:33:22,520
Speaker 6: I don't really think I did.

791
00:33:23,920 --> 00:33:27,040
Speaker 3: Yeah, some people are refused to be too, refuse to

792
00:33:27,080 --> 00:33:27,720
Speaker 3: be self aware.

793
00:33:27,760 --> 00:33:29,360
Speaker 4: They're like living in a box.

794
00:33:30,240 --> 00:33:30,840
Speaker 3: Oh my god.

795
00:33:31,040 --> 00:33:31,440
Speaker 2: Yeah.

796
00:33:31,480 --> 00:33:34,080
Speaker 5: I think a lot of people are, unfortunately. I mean,

797
00:33:34,360 --> 00:33:36,400
Speaker 5: I will say I think the Internet has helped people.

798
00:33:36,720 --> 00:33:40,040
Speaker 5: I mean it's like this double and sword of Instagram.

799
00:33:40,120 --> 00:33:42,360
Speaker 5: But I do think that, like the Internet has put

800
00:33:42,440 --> 00:33:48,120
Speaker 5: words to people's feelings, or people's shortcomings or just being

801
00:33:48,160 --> 00:33:50,440
Speaker 5: like oh wait, there's like looking at a list and

802
00:33:50,480 --> 00:33:52,520
Speaker 5: be like, oh shit, I kind of check off every

803
00:33:52,600 --> 00:33:57,320
Speaker 5: box here. Maybe I am a blank. You know, in

804
00:33:57,360 --> 00:34:00,640
Speaker 5: your book you talked about main character energy, and so

805
00:34:00,680 --> 00:34:04,480
Speaker 5: I wanted to get into that because that's I mean obviously,

806
00:34:04,520 --> 00:34:11,040
Speaker 5: like confidence is really the key to beginning to understand

807
00:34:11,480 --> 00:34:14,120
Speaker 5: how to show up authentically as yourself, even like I

808
00:34:14,120 --> 00:34:15,759
Speaker 5: think they work side by side, Like you're not just

809
00:34:15,800 --> 00:34:18,600
Speaker 5: going to automatically be in full confidence, Like I think

810
00:34:18,640 --> 00:34:21,080
Speaker 5: they kind of go and flow with one another.

811
00:34:22,840 --> 00:34:26,000
Speaker 2: How did you find your main character energy through?

812
00:34:26,160 --> 00:34:29,040
Speaker 6: Stop trying to be main characters in other people's stories.

813
00:34:29,760 --> 00:34:33,520
Speaker 6: I think a lot of we are socialized as women

814
00:34:33,680 --> 00:34:37,239
Speaker 6: to prop up again, A lot of it, A lot

815
00:34:37,280 --> 00:34:39,640
Speaker 6: of my book will revisit over and over again the

816
00:34:39,680 --> 00:34:43,360
Speaker 6: ways that larger structures affect our ability or inability to

817
00:34:43,360 --> 00:34:46,160
Speaker 6: self actualize. So I could not talk about this without

818
00:34:46,200 --> 00:34:50,120
Speaker 6: addressing things like patriarchy, things like misogyny, things like late

819
00:34:50,160 --> 00:34:53,600
Speaker 6: stage capitalism. They do affect the way that we socialize

820
00:34:53,600 --> 00:34:55,799
Speaker 6: and the way we learn what's important in value. And

821
00:34:55,840 --> 00:34:58,480
Speaker 6: we live in a society that tells us men is

822
00:34:58,520 --> 00:35:01,720
Speaker 6: more important than women. So wait, what was the fucking

823
00:35:01,760 --> 00:35:02,360
Speaker 6: question again?

824
00:35:02,400 --> 00:35:04,120
Speaker 2: How did you find your period?

825
00:35:04,200 --> 00:35:10,279
Speaker 6: Thank you to myself? And so a lot of us

826
00:35:10,400 --> 00:35:13,280
Speaker 6: are very comfortable being main characters in other people's stories.

827
00:35:13,360 --> 00:35:17,160
Speaker 6: You will see a trend in women being overly concerned

828
00:35:17,200 --> 00:35:19,400
Speaker 6: with other people's lives. Oh but they but they're not

829
00:35:19,400 --> 00:35:20,560
Speaker 6: going to be able to eat, They're not going to

830
00:35:20,600 --> 00:35:22,279
Speaker 6: be able to do this. They and it comes from

831
00:35:22,320 --> 00:35:24,280
Speaker 6: a good place, like right, we want to be nurturing,

832
00:35:24,520 --> 00:35:27,040
Speaker 6: we want to be caretaking. But you're doing all that

833
00:35:27,120 --> 00:35:30,040
Speaker 6: to distract yourself from the fact that you don't even

834
00:35:30,040 --> 00:35:32,879
Speaker 6: have a storyline that you don't even have. You don't

835
00:35:32,880 --> 00:35:34,880
Speaker 6: even know where your exod is, you don't know your cue,

836
00:35:34,920 --> 00:35:37,359
Speaker 6: you don't know the lighting. You're so focused on this

837
00:35:37,400 --> 00:35:40,640
Speaker 6: other person's story that you plan, how you plan a

838
00:35:40,680 --> 00:35:44,000
Speaker 6: side character you to yourself make that make sense. So

839
00:35:44,840 --> 00:35:47,440
Speaker 6: what that looks like is getting to know yourself exactly.

840
00:35:47,440 --> 00:35:49,200
Speaker 6: The type of things that you guys talk about every

841
00:35:49,239 --> 00:35:52,000
Speaker 6: time on your podcast is getting to know the limits

842
00:35:52,000 --> 00:35:54,080
Speaker 6: of who you are and what you are. A lot

843
00:35:54,160 --> 00:35:55,719
Speaker 6: of us don't even know who we are. We know

844
00:35:55,840 --> 00:35:59,719
Speaker 6: like a hologram, like a projection screen that has like

845
00:35:59,760 --> 00:36:02,000
Speaker 6: every thing your parents told you, your church told you,

846
00:36:02,040 --> 00:36:04,600
Speaker 6: and everybody else. But like what do you like? What

847
00:36:04,640 --> 00:36:06,920
Speaker 6: do you like? Do you want to be friends?

848
00:36:07,239 --> 00:36:07,719
Speaker 7: Do you not?

849
00:36:08,360 --> 00:36:10,239
Speaker 6: What is a good frequency for you? Not what the

850
00:36:10,280 --> 00:36:13,399
Speaker 6: Internet tells you. But it's really getting to know all

851
00:36:13,719 --> 00:36:16,200
Speaker 6: the aspects of who you are and first accept them,

852
00:36:16,239 --> 00:36:18,600
Speaker 6: because number one, if you're not a good friend to yourself,

853
00:36:18,640 --> 00:36:20,239
Speaker 6: you're not going to be a good friend to anyone else.

854
00:36:20,320 --> 00:36:23,120
Speaker 6: You're going to just create, you know, foundations in the sand.

855
00:36:23,719 --> 00:36:26,520
Speaker 6: But when you get to know yourself and accept yourself,

856
00:36:26,560 --> 00:36:28,759
Speaker 6: and I think that's the key because when we're talking

857
00:36:28,800 --> 00:36:32,160
Speaker 6: about main character energy, we're talking about loving yourself, and

858
00:36:32,200 --> 00:36:34,200
Speaker 6: people go self love, Well, I don't know what that

859
00:36:34,400 --> 00:36:37,320
Speaker 6: is like, is it a bubble bath? Is it masturbating?

860
00:36:37,600 --> 00:36:39,400
Speaker 6: Is it? You know what is it? I think it

861
00:36:39,480 --> 00:36:42,960
Speaker 6: is self acceptance. If self love is the destination, the

862
00:36:43,040 --> 00:36:46,120
Speaker 6: vehicle is self acceptance. You get there, but just being

863
00:36:46,200 --> 00:36:49,279
Speaker 6: like without fixing, without losing the weight, without getting a

864
00:36:49,280 --> 00:36:51,600
Speaker 6: new job, without getting more money, without doing any of that.

865
00:36:51,960 --> 00:36:54,279
Speaker 6: I'm worthy and valuable right now, and look at all

866
00:36:54,280 --> 00:36:57,200
Speaker 6: these wonderful things that I am expressing right now. Let

867
00:36:57,200 --> 00:36:59,880
Speaker 6: me get to know myself so then I can attract

868
00:37:00,200 --> 00:37:03,440
Speaker 6: and recognize my star players. But you know, as Cat

869
00:37:03,480 --> 00:37:05,200
Speaker 6: William told us, you know you have to check in

870
00:37:05,200 --> 00:37:06,000
Speaker 6: with yours first.

871
00:37:06,600 --> 00:37:07,120
Speaker 2: I love that.

872
00:37:07,239 --> 00:37:11,760
Speaker 5: I love that the analogy of the self, the vehicle

873
00:37:11,840 --> 00:37:15,640
Speaker 5: being self acceptance, because I think a lot of times

874
00:37:15,680 --> 00:37:19,680
Speaker 5: we are trying to love like this future version of ourselves,

875
00:37:20,200 --> 00:37:23,560
Speaker 5: and so it takes it's taking us even farther away

876
00:37:23,680 --> 00:37:28,160
Speaker 5: from us loving ourselves. Because bitch, you've been this person

877
00:37:28,200 --> 00:37:29,839
Speaker 5: for a long time. You're not going to be her

878
00:37:29,920 --> 00:37:31,959
Speaker 5: for a minute. So you might as well get into

879
00:37:31,960 --> 00:37:34,200
Speaker 5: who you are at this very moment and figure out

880
00:37:34,200 --> 00:37:36,240
Speaker 5: what are the things that you love about yourself.

881
00:37:36,280 --> 00:37:36,880
Speaker 2: Make a list.

882
00:37:37,200 --> 00:37:39,880
Speaker 5: There's got to be at least one thing that you

883
00:37:39,920 --> 00:37:42,560
Speaker 5: love about yourself exactly, and start with just that one.

884
00:37:42,440 --> 00:37:44,799
Speaker 6: Thing and do it from a place of how much

885
00:37:44,840 --> 00:37:47,440
Speaker 6: you love yourself right now and not how much you

886
00:37:47,480 --> 00:37:50,960
Speaker 6: want to change that thing. Yeah, that's so so important.

887
00:37:51,000 --> 00:37:53,640
Speaker 6: And I'm talking to myself too, because there's always that

888
00:37:53,719 --> 00:37:54,200
Speaker 6: like same.

889
00:37:54,280 --> 00:37:56,000
Speaker 5: I mean, this is like that's why I say I

890
00:37:56,000 --> 00:37:58,440
Speaker 5: think they go It's like they go hand in hand

891
00:37:58,640 --> 00:38:02,000
Speaker 5: together because I'm I'm still always battling like my my

892
00:38:02,080 --> 00:38:04,520
Speaker 5: self love and like I go through I have body

893
00:38:04,560 --> 00:38:06,640
Speaker 5: dysmorphia for sure. Sometimes I'm like, oh my god, I'm

894
00:38:06,680 --> 00:38:08,440
Speaker 5: so fat, and then I'm like, oh my god, I

895
00:38:08,440 --> 00:38:10,960
Speaker 5: look good and then I'm like, wait, I hate this,

896
00:38:11,040 --> 00:38:12,880
Speaker 5: I hate that, and so like it just it's just

897
00:38:13,800 --> 00:38:17,640
Speaker 5: it's a constant evolution, especially because what you said the patriarchy,

898
00:38:18,000 --> 00:38:22,560
Speaker 5: misogyny fucking Instagram, which I said, is it has helped

899
00:38:22,560 --> 00:38:25,880
Speaker 5: people I think come to themselves but also hate themselves.

900
00:38:26,440 --> 00:38:29,880
Speaker 5: So it's like this, it's like a constant evolution of

901
00:38:29,960 --> 00:38:34,200
Speaker 5: trying to make sure that you're constantly checking in with

902
00:38:34,480 --> 00:38:36,480
Speaker 5: who you are in this moment and saying, okay, I

903
00:38:36,520 --> 00:38:40,600
Speaker 5: love you even still yes, And I think people are

904
00:38:40,640 --> 00:38:44,400
Speaker 5: always seeking their future self, looking to love their future self,

905
00:38:44,480 --> 00:38:44,920
Speaker 5: and it's.

906
00:38:44,800 --> 00:38:48,799
Speaker 4: Like right now you're worthy. Yeah, right now you look great,

907
00:38:49,080 --> 00:38:51,680
Speaker 4: Right now, you're good? Yeah, yeah, I feel like this.

908
00:38:51,640 --> 00:38:53,879
Speaker 6: We need a little bit more of Can I ask

909
00:38:53,960 --> 00:38:57,319
Speaker 6: you guys a question, Since you do a podcast where

910
00:38:57,360 --> 00:39:00,359
Speaker 6: you share so much of yourself, like so much of

911
00:39:00,600 --> 00:39:04,120
Speaker 6: your internal life, your experiences, do you feel like it's

912
00:39:04,239 --> 00:39:05,560
Speaker 6: helped you love yourself more?

913
00:39:06,120 --> 00:39:06,759
Speaker 4: Absolutely?

914
00:39:07,520 --> 00:39:10,319
Speaker 3: I think talking out loud and being honest, like it's

915
00:39:10,320 --> 00:39:12,560
Speaker 3: one thing to have it here, but when you say

916
00:39:12,560 --> 00:39:14,239
Speaker 3: it out loud to your friend, or you say it

917
00:39:14,280 --> 00:39:16,680
Speaker 3: out loud and you know, you know, potentially thousands of

918
00:39:16,680 --> 00:39:20,080
Speaker 3: people are listening to it, there is an accountability that

919
00:39:20,239 --> 00:39:23,520
Speaker 3: has to take place. If I'm privately maybe doing some

920
00:39:23,600 --> 00:39:28,000
Speaker 3: functionhit privately, you know, but I'm not telling my friends

921
00:39:28,080 --> 00:39:31,840
Speaker 3: or other people, then I'm not really maybe being held accountable.

922
00:39:32,239 --> 00:39:34,759
Speaker 3: But I think there's been a like I said before

923
00:39:34,760 --> 00:39:38,200
Speaker 3: we started, You're like, do you ever get do we

924
00:39:38,239 --> 00:39:42,200
Speaker 3: ever get like a lot of hate or freaked out

925
00:39:42,239 --> 00:39:44,360
Speaker 3: about the things that we share because we've shared a

926
00:39:44,400 --> 00:39:46,799
Speaker 3: lot of things, And I'm like, not really, because it's

927
00:39:46,840 --> 00:39:48,880
Speaker 3: the truth. But that's been over a course of like

928
00:39:49,680 --> 00:39:53,080
Speaker 3: you understanding that honesty is medicine and then also saying

929
00:39:53,080 --> 00:39:55,640
Speaker 3: things a lot have brought me to like a realization,

930
00:39:56,120 --> 00:39:58,520
Speaker 3: like me saying, like I realized in my female friendships,

931
00:39:58,560 --> 00:40:01,000
Speaker 3: I was, I'm being tre figured by certain things because

932
00:40:01,000 --> 00:40:03,120
Speaker 3: if it's rooted in my relationship with my.

933
00:40:03,080 --> 00:40:04,360
Speaker 4: Mother, I don't think I would have known.

934
00:40:04,400 --> 00:40:06,760
Speaker 3: I would I would have had the put those connected

935
00:40:06,800 --> 00:40:09,680
Speaker 3: those dots if I hadn't done this mess talking out

936
00:40:09,719 --> 00:40:12,640
Speaker 3: loud about things that hurt things parts of myself I

937
00:40:12,640 --> 00:40:14,960
Speaker 3: didn't like really love or like parts of myself.

938
00:40:15,000 --> 00:40:16,640
Speaker 4: I'm like, that could use some fucking improvement.

939
00:40:17,160 --> 00:40:20,600
Speaker 3: I'm I think that, Yeah, that avoidance that you say,

940
00:40:20,680 --> 00:40:24,040
Speaker 3: like I saw two people on our retreat is specifically

941
00:40:24,239 --> 00:40:28,240
Speaker 3: we make profiles, said like, we asked them to describe

942
00:40:28,280 --> 00:40:30,640
Speaker 3: themselves in three words, and I saw twice. I thought

943
00:40:30,640 --> 00:40:32,920
Speaker 3: it was an interesting I mean, it's a great thing quality.

944
00:40:32,960 --> 00:40:36,360
Speaker 3: But two people put hype woman, and I was like,

945
00:40:36,400 --> 00:40:39,640
Speaker 3: that's an interesting adjective to describe yourself as. And I

946
00:40:39,680 --> 00:40:41,440
Speaker 3: meant to ask them about that, like do you hype

947
00:40:41,440 --> 00:40:44,879
Speaker 3: yourself up? But I think that it's absolutely a distraction

948
00:40:45,560 --> 00:40:49,279
Speaker 3: from yourself doing like figuring out what you like and

949
00:40:49,320 --> 00:40:51,920
Speaker 3: who you are, and so you are always prioritizing somebody else,

950
00:40:51,960 --> 00:40:54,279
Speaker 3: always thinking about someone else, it's because you don't want

951
00:40:54,320 --> 00:40:56,480
Speaker 3: to do the inner work that says, like do I

952
00:40:56,560 --> 00:40:56,759
Speaker 3: love to.

953
00:40:56,840 --> 00:40:58,880
Speaker 6: Get very creative at hiding from ourselves.

954
00:40:58,920 --> 00:41:00,399
Speaker 3: Oh and it seems like I'm just I a really

955
00:41:00,440 --> 00:41:04,440
Speaker 3: nice person. No bitch, you want to not look at

956
00:41:04,480 --> 00:41:06,919
Speaker 3: yourself in the mirror and figure out what's up with you?

957
00:41:06,920 --> 00:41:07,120
Speaker 2: You know.

958
00:41:07,200 --> 00:41:09,839
Speaker 3: So I do think like the talking out loud has

959
00:41:09,840 --> 00:41:13,279
Speaker 3: been medicine and has been a practice of Yeah, this

960
00:41:13,320 --> 00:41:14,880
Speaker 3: is who I am, and that's why I was last year,

961
00:41:14,880 --> 00:41:16,520
Speaker 3: and that's how I was last week, and this is

962
00:41:16,520 --> 00:41:18,200
Speaker 3: who I am today, and this is how I've grown

963
00:41:18,239 --> 00:41:22,160
Speaker 3: from that, and like I'm always changing, I'm always growing,

964
00:41:22,280 --> 00:41:24,880
Speaker 3: like like the world is always spinning, like this is

965
00:41:25,160 --> 00:41:27,200
Speaker 3: I'm not perfect, you know, and I know that, and

966
00:41:27,280 --> 00:41:30,200
Speaker 3: so I think it's helped really give me acceptance in

967
00:41:30,200 --> 00:41:30,680
Speaker 3: that space.

968
00:41:31,080 --> 00:41:31,839
Speaker 2: Yeah, I mean I agree.

969
00:41:31,880 --> 00:41:35,279
Speaker 5: I think that speaking for sure has been transformational in

970
00:41:35,280 --> 00:41:37,080
Speaker 5: my life because I felt like I held a lot

971
00:41:37,120 --> 00:41:39,880
Speaker 5: of things in before. When I mentioned Mila, like I

972
00:41:39,960 --> 00:41:43,080
Speaker 5: was ready to burst open, like I was like I

973
00:41:43,080 --> 00:41:46,440
Speaker 5: got some shit to say because I had suppressed so

974
00:41:46,600 --> 00:41:49,080
Speaker 5: much suppressed, like like again, like how I felt about

975
00:41:49,080 --> 00:41:51,960
Speaker 5: my body. I had suppressed how I felt about my

976
00:41:52,080 --> 00:41:55,719
Speaker 5: relationships I had suppressed like just just so.

977
00:41:55,800 --> 00:41:56,719
Speaker 2: Everything, you know.

978
00:41:56,800 --> 00:41:58,640
Speaker 5: So being able to speak there was a freedom that

979
00:41:58,840 --> 00:42:01,879
Speaker 5: I had never really experienceerienced. And being able to sit

980
00:42:01,920 --> 00:42:06,280
Speaker 5: with my sister and her accept me even after I've expressed.

981
00:42:05,880 --> 00:42:07,520
Speaker 2: Those things was very healing to me.

982
00:42:08,120 --> 00:42:10,560
Speaker 5: Being able to sit with women like you who are

983
00:42:10,640 --> 00:42:12,239
Speaker 5: very We've had, I mean women come on our show

984
00:42:12,239 --> 00:42:14,399
Speaker 5: and they're very vulnerable, you know, and so like that's

985
00:42:14,440 --> 00:42:18,240
Speaker 5: healing for me. Having our community reach out and say, hey, Erica,

986
00:42:18,360 --> 00:42:20,560
Speaker 5: like that was really dope that thing that you said,

987
00:42:20,680 --> 00:42:24,560
Speaker 5: or I really relate to that experience, or I didn't

988
00:42:24,600 --> 00:42:25,920
Speaker 5: know I could do that, and I'm like, bitch, I

989
00:42:25,960 --> 00:42:27,719
Speaker 5: didn't know I could do that. But you know, like

990
00:42:27,920 --> 00:42:30,359
Speaker 5: those are things that keep me going and help heal

991
00:42:30,440 --> 00:42:32,720
Speaker 5: the little girl in me that like felt like, oh

992
00:42:32,760 --> 00:42:35,520
Speaker 5: I'm too much or or maybe I shouldn't say that,

993
00:42:35,719 --> 00:42:37,600
Speaker 5: or maybe I shouldn't wear that, or maybe I should

994
00:42:37,640 --> 00:42:39,440
Speaker 5: lose weight, or maybe I should you know this or that,

995
00:42:39,520 --> 00:42:42,719
Speaker 5: Like even like yesterday we had a we were a

996
00:42:43,000 --> 00:42:46,560
Speaker 5: black effect fest and I wore this like super tight

997
00:42:46,560 --> 00:42:47,120
Speaker 5: blue thing and.

998
00:42:47,040 --> 00:42:49,560
Speaker 2: Everyone was giving me thank you.

999
00:42:49,719 --> 00:42:52,719
Speaker 5: But I've been like in privately, like the last like

1000
00:42:52,840 --> 00:42:55,600
Speaker 5: five months feeling like I don't like like my body.

1001
00:42:55,640 --> 00:42:58,840
Speaker 6: I did not tell from that clip. I would never guess,

1002
00:42:58,880 --> 00:43:00,200
Speaker 6: but I.

1003
00:43:00,120 --> 00:43:01,880
Speaker 5: Think because I have to show up every week no

1004
00:43:01,960 --> 00:43:04,680
Speaker 5: matter what, I have to push through. I have to

1005
00:43:04,680 --> 00:43:08,000
Speaker 5: push through, and yes, like and then I look at

1006
00:43:08,000 --> 00:43:08,440
Speaker 5: the pictures and.

1007
00:43:08,440 --> 00:43:10,319
Speaker 2: I'm like, but why are you always tripping on your

1008
00:43:10,320 --> 00:43:11,480
Speaker 2: body like you're good?

1009
00:43:12,280 --> 00:43:15,160
Speaker 5: And it's just because my body takes different shapes and forms,

1010
00:43:15,200 --> 00:43:17,160
Speaker 5: you know. And I think also growing up in LA,

1011
00:43:17,239 --> 00:43:20,480
Speaker 5: growing up in white spaces, growing up in the entertainment industry,

1012
00:43:21,040 --> 00:43:24,200
Speaker 5: you know, all those things paired with men that you know,

1013
00:43:24,719 --> 00:43:27,279
Speaker 5: I felt like if maybe if I if I'm if

1014
00:43:27,320 --> 00:43:28,759
Speaker 5: I look this way or I look that way, you

1015
00:43:28,760 --> 00:43:31,520
Speaker 5: won't cheat on me, or like maybe you'll stay Like

1016
00:43:31,560 --> 00:43:34,719
Speaker 5: those things started to play into my psyche and are

1017
00:43:34,800 --> 00:43:40,120
Speaker 5: things I'm still unraveling now, like even now. So I

1018
00:43:40,160 --> 00:43:43,919
Speaker 5: think that sitting here and talking and sharing even right

1019
00:43:43,960 --> 00:43:47,240
Speaker 5: now saying this is healing for me. So I always

1020
00:43:47,280 --> 00:43:48,720
Speaker 5: tell people like, you don't have to have a podcast

1021
00:43:48,760 --> 00:43:50,239
Speaker 5: to heal, but I do think you have to say

1022
00:43:50,280 --> 00:43:55,200
Speaker 5: the thing like fucking talk into your phone daily and

1023
00:43:55,280 --> 00:43:57,320
Speaker 5: just say things that you don't even like that you

1024
00:43:57,360 --> 00:43:59,960
Speaker 5: don't feel comfortable saying to other people and see how

1025
00:44:00,080 --> 00:44:02,000
Speaker 5: your life starts to transform.

1026
00:44:01,760 --> 00:44:05,680
Speaker 3: And even about being like accountable. I don't even listen

1027
00:44:05,719 --> 00:44:08,880
Speaker 3: to what I said. I just know I said it exactly.

1028
00:44:08,920 --> 00:44:10,480
Speaker 4: I don't even go back and listen. I just know

1029
00:44:10,560 --> 00:44:11,000
Speaker 4: I said it.

1030
00:44:11,400 --> 00:44:13,080
Speaker 2: I was like, well, there's a level of just yeah,

1031
00:44:13,239 --> 00:44:14,600
Speaker 2: just the release of saying it.

1032
00:44:14,920 --> 00:44:16,560
Speaker 4: Yeah, just the release of their body.

1033
00:44:16,600 --> 00:44:20,080
Speaker 3: There's things like I crazy a little bit, witness, Yes, yes,

1034
00:44:20,200 --> 00:44:22,200
Speaker 3: it's just say the thing in witness. And I think

1035
00:44:22,200 --> 00:44:26,320
Speaker 3: that that the frequency of sound, like audio, has energy.

1036
00:44:26,400 --> 00:44:31,280
Speaker 3: Like I think we underestimate our power as energetic you know, beings, gods,

1037
00:44:31,360 --> 00:44:34,560
Speaker 3: you know, divine beings and so like everything that comes

1038
00:44:34,560 --> 00:44:37,000
Speaker 3: from us, everything we create, things, you sing, things you

1039
00:44:37,239 --> 00:44:40,759
Speaker 3: play out theatrically, they all hold and carry a frequency,

1040
00:44:41,080 --> 00:44:43,120
Speaker 3: and like literally as we're talking right now, like it's

1041
00:44:43,239 --> 00:44:45,440
Speaker 3: it's being emitted into the you know, and to the

1042
00:44:45,440 --> 00:44:48,160
Speaker 3: the ethers, and there's power there. And that's why people

1043
00:44:48,200 --> 00:44:50,640
Speaker 3: say like words or spells, yes, bitch, because the universe

1044
00:44:50,680 --> 00:44:53,200
Speaker 3: is always listening and creating based on what's here and

1045
00:44:53,239 --> 00:44:55,440
Speaker 3: what's coming out of your mouth. So I think like

1046
00:44:56,000 --> 00:44:59,440
Speaker 3: we don't give ourselves enough credit as divine beings, and

1047
00:44:59,480 --> 00:45:01,200
Speaker 3: so that the works and the things that we put

1048
00:45:01,239 --> 00:45:04,759
Speaker 3: out into the earth are often underestimated how much power

1049
00:45:04,880 --> 00:45:06,719
Speaker 3: they really hold. Even how we speak to each other,

1050
00:45:07,000 --> 00:45:09,799
Speaker 3: even touching each other, even connecting on a like personal level,

1051
00:45:09,960 --> 00:45:11,880
Speaker 3: like looking at a bitch in the eye, looking at

1052
00:45:11,920 --> 00:45:14,400
Speaker 3: yourself in the eye and saying like, you know, you're important,

1053
00:45:14,400 --> 00:45:17,000
Speaker 3: you matter, or just how we speak to people, like

1054
00:45:17,239 --> 00:45:20,880
Speaker 3: just how transformative words can be, if we're kind, if

1055
00:45:20,880 --> 00:45:23,240
Speaker 3: we're sweet, instead of just being like you know, whatever,

1056
00:45:23,280 --> 00:45:25,920
Speaker 3: fuck you, even what you were saying earlier, I resonate

1057
00:45:26,000 --> 00:45:28,960
Speaker 3: with about like your mom, you know, like maybe speaking

1058
00:45:29,040 --> 00:45:31,160
Speaker 3: kind of harshly or being very direct, Like I grew

1059
00:45:31,239 --> 00:45:33,719
Speaker 3: up in a household that way. So I realized, like,

1060
00:45:33,800 --> 00:45:36,560
Speaker 3: that's how I speak to my daughter, girl, who you're

1061
00:45:36,560 --> 00:45:37,160
Speaker 3: fucking playing with?

1062
00:45:37,400 --> 00:45:38,960
Speaker 4: Go whatever? You know what I mean.

1063
00:45:39,040 --> 00:45:42,400
Speaker 3: And I realized, like, that's because I'm a product of

1064
00:45:42,400 --> 00:45:44,759
Speaker 3: my environment, you know, And I've had to really work

1065
00:45:44,800 --> 00:45:48,239
Speaker 3: on softening because that's not how I was raised. Do

1066
00:45:48,280 --> 00:45:50,759
Speaker 3: you experience that with like your your step children like that,

1067
00:45:50,800 --> 00:45:52,680
Speaker 3: I mean, maybe I don't know, how do you feel?

1068
00:45:52,800 --> 00:45:56,480
Speaker 6: Well, it's different because I'm I have two step children

1069
00:45:57,120 --> 00:46:01,000
Speaker 6: eleven and fourteen sailor. She's fourteen. She lives with me,

1070
00:46:01,200 --> 00:46:03,799
Speaker 6: and I call her my bonus daughter, so they call

1071
00:46:03,880 --> 00:46:06,960
Speaker 6: me bonus mom. So being a bonus mom is a

1072
00:46:06,960 --> 00:46:09,480
Speaker 6: little different. I feel like as an entry pointed to

1073
00:46:09,600 --> 00:46:13,680
Speaker 6: motherhood because you're watching these two people do it, so

1074
00:46:13,719 --> 00:46:16,200
Speaker 6: you're you're kind of like one step removed because she

1075
00:46:16,280 --> 00:46:18,319
Speaker 6: already has two parents. She has a mother and a father,

1076
00:46:18,400 --> 00:46:20,040
Speaker 6: and I get to see their choices that they make,

1077
00:46:20,280 --> 00:46:22,920
Speaker 6: and I get to just like, Ali you, I love me,

1078
00:46:23,080 --> 00:46:24,879
Speaker 6: I love me. I feel like being a bonus mom

1079
00:46:24,960 --> 00:46:26,960
Speaker 6: is just I love it. I love it down. I

1080
00:46:26,960 --> 00:46:28,759
Speaker 6: get all the good stuff. And then at the end

1081
00:46:28,800 --> 00:46:30,200
Speaker 6: of the day, you know, they got a lot of

1082
00:46:30,200 --> 00:46:31,880
Speaker 6: places to go, they got a lot of family, They

1083
00:46:31,920 --> 00:46:33,160
Speaker 6: got their mom, they got their dad.

1084
00:46:33,600 --> 00:46:33,799
Speaker 3: You know.

1085
00:46:33,920 --> 00:46:38,120
Speaker 6: But when it comes to what was the fucking question again,

1086
00:46:38,160 --> 00:46:40,680
Speaker 6: bro my memory, because is it TikTok?

1087
00:46:41,719 --> 00:46:46,200
Speaker 5: Blame somebody not TikTok maybe spoke harshly. Do you feel

1088
00:46:46,239 --> 00:46:47,960
Speaker 5: like you've had to work on not speaking harshly?

1089
00:46:48,080 --> 00:46:50,960
Speaker 6: Thank you? But I also had great, a great step

1090
00:46:51,000 --> 00:46:53,640
Speaker 6: mother and the godmother, so I had like women who

1091
00:46:53,719 --> 00:46:56,680
Speaker 6: weren't my mother pouring to me. So I have a

1092
00:46:56,719 --> 00:46:59,800
Speaker 6: different dynamic because I really always thought about wanting to

1093
00:46:59,800 --> 00:47:04,640
Speaker 6: pay that forward, like I mean, yeah, I mean I

1094
00:47:04,760 --> 00:47:07,839
Speaker 6: was the only black child in my household. My mother

1095
00:47:07,960 --> 00:47:11,600
Speaker 6: is white Cuban. She married my father who's African American,

1096
00:47:11,760 --> 00:47:14,520
Speaker 6: had me and my sister. They got divorced, my mom

1097
00:47:14,560 --> 00:47:16,640
Speaker 6: remarried a white man and had my sisters. So I

1098
00:47:16,680 --> 00:47:19,480
Speaker 6: have one sister who's blonde hair, blue eyes, and then

1099
00:47:19,520 --> 00:47:22,239
Speaker 6: I have a bunch of other siblings that are biracial

1100
00:47:22,320 --> 00:47:25,480
Speaker 6: and black. So I was in there in the house

1101
00:47:25,520 --> 00:47:28,880
Speaker 6: with my mother who's white, passing kind of kind of

1102
00:47:28,920 --> 00:47:31,799
Speaker 6: like similar to the girl and sinners. I didn't see

1103
00:47:31,800 --> 00:47:34,960
Speaker 6: it yet, okay, that type of vibe, and then my

1104
00:47:35,040 --> 00:47:39,280
Speaker 6: stepfather who's white, my sister who's white, and so I

1105
00:47:39,400 --> 00:47:42,640
Speaker 6: was very confused. That's interesting, you can imagine, right, And

1106
00:47:42,680 --> 00:47:45,000
Speaker 6: there was a lot of chaos, a police around house

1107
00:47:45,040 --> 00:47:47,120
Speaker 6: all the time. So the first person, one of the

1108
00:47:47,120 --> 00:47:49,839
Speaker 6: first people to be like super nice to me and

1109
00:47:50,000 --> 00:47:53,439
Speaker 6: just like hi, was my She became my godmother. She's

1110
00:47:53,480 --> 00:47:56,319
Speaker 6: MISSI rest in peace. But what she gave me and

1111
00:47:56,360 --> 00:47:58,719
Speaker 6: what women gave me, my teachers who poured into me

1112
00:47:58,760 --> 00:48:01,360
Speaker 6: and stuff, I've always wanted to that forward. So I

1113
00:48:01,400 --> 00:48:04,319
Speaker 6: don't have a lot of trouble with the negatives, like

1114
00:48:04,520 --> 00:48:08,279
Speaker 6: with the harsh voice too, sailor. However, I do have

1115
00:48:08,320 --> 00:48:12,000
Speaker 6: to catch it with myself. She's a witness to my behavior,

1116
00:48:12,040 --> 00:48:13,719
Speaker 6: and I noticed, like, kids is not gonna do what

1117
00:48:13,760 --> 00:48:16,120
Speaker 6: you do say, they're gonna do what you do. They're

1118
00:48:16,160 --> 00:48:18,879
Speaker 6: watching how you treat yourself. They're watching how you treat

1119
00:48:18,920 --> 00:48:21,400
Speaker 6: other people. So if i'm you know, like how you

1120
00:48:21,480 --> 00:48:23,520
Speaker 6: might say stuff about your body like oh I look

1121
00:48:23,600 --> 00:48:25,560
Speaker 6: So I don't say that only fat, I don't. I'm

1122
00:48:25,560 --> 00:48:27,640
Speaker 6: always like, ooh, I look so beautiful. I make sure

1123
00:48:27,680 --> 00:48:29,239
Speaker 6: to give myself a lot of compliments. I love the

1124
00:48:29,280 --> 00:48:30,960
Speaker 6: way I look. And my husband's really great at that

1125
00:48:31,000 --> 00:48:32,800
Speaker 6: because be like, oh this is beautiful. It is beautiful.

1126
00:48:33,040 --> 00:48:34,799
Speaker 6: Because I start to hear her, you know, even say

1127
00:48:34,800 --> 00:48:36,440
Speaker 6: little things like oh I have a bump on my

1128
00:48:36,520 --> 00:48:38,799
Speaker 6: face or oh, but you still look beautiful. Your skin

1129
00:48:38,840 --> 00:48:41,600
Speaker 6: looks beautiful. So to me, I feel like I'm hyper

1130
00:48:41,640 --> 00:48:43,160
Speaker 6: aware because.

1131
00:48:42,840 --> 00:48:43,840
Speaker 4: She's not my daughter.

1132
00:48:44,080 --> 00:48:46,239
Speaker 6: Yeah, I almost feel like when it's your kid, it's like,

1133
00:48:46,280 --> 00:48:49,080
Speaker 6: what ain't mine? You know, say you mine? So I'm

1134
00:48:49,160 --> 00:48:51,640
Speaker 6: very mindful. So I'm very careful with the way I

1135
00:48:51,640 --> 00:48:53,880
Speaker 6: speak I make sure to. Like the other day, she

1136
00:48:54,000 --> 00:48:55,759
Speaker 6: was like preparing for a test. She really wanted to

1137
00:48:55,800 --> 00:48:58,000
Speaker 6: go to this dance and her dad told her like,

1138
00:48:58,080 --> 00:49:00,000
Speaker 6: if you don't get your grades up, you're not good.

1139
00:49:00,640 --> 00:49:01,920
Speaker 6: And you know, we were talking to her and I

1140
00:49:01,960 --> 00:49:03,560
Speaker 6: was like, you gotta believe in yourself. Well, I don't know,

1141
00:49:03,600 --> 00:49:05,839
Speaker 6: I don't know. I was like, you're smart, You're this,

1142
00:49:05,920 --> 00:49:07,960
Speaker 6: you're that. And then later I was like putting something

1143
00:49:08,000 --> 00:49:09,920
Speaker 6: away in her room and I've seen she had the

1144
00:49:09,920 --> 00:49:12,120
Speaker 6: post it notes like all in her mirror like I

1145
00:49:12,160 --> 00:49:15,560
Speaker 6: am smart, I am strong, I did good eighth grade

1146
00:49:15,640 --> 00:49:17,360
Speaker 6: dance like and all this, and so like when I

1147
00:49:17,400 --> 00:49:20,280
Speaker 6: see stuff like that, just it just makes it all worth.

1148
00:49:20,080 --> 00:49:21,520
Speaker 4: It, you know, you know it's working.

1149
00:49:21,680 --> 00:49:24,319
Speaker 6: Yeah. She teaches me to be kind to myself just

1150
00:49:24,400 --> 00:49:26,880
Speaker 6: in being around Like y'all have girls too. I feel like,

1151
00:49:27,080 --> 00:49:30,320
Speaker 6: you know, you just very aware how you can remember.

1152
00:49:30,760 --> 00:49:33,279
Speaker 6: We have memories from ten years old, five years old,

1153
00:49:33,320 --> 00:49:34,640
Speaker 6: and I'm like, damn, this is gonna be a fucking

1154
00:49:34,680 --> 00:49:38,160
Speaker 6: trauma moment. She's gonna be in therapy, my stepfa.

1155
00:49:39,640 --> 00:49:41,280
Speaker 4: She's sad right right.

1156
00:49:42,040 --> 00:49:44,920
Speaker 2: That leads me to our bad choice of the week.

1157
00:49:45,120 --> 00:49:47,359
Speaker 5: Yeahah, because you kind of shared with me what your

1158
00:49:47,360 --> 00:49:49,080
Speaker 5: bad choice of the week is, but can you share

1159
00:49:49,520 --> 00:49:50,879
Speaker 5: what you were going to share?

1160
00:49:51,200 --> 00:49:51,759
Speaker 2: Bad mom?

1161
00:49:51,880 --> 00:49:57,200
Speaker 7: Not a bad mom, but a bad mom so good.

1162
00:50:00,160 --> 00:50:05,000
Speaker 6: I'm living, so I think I was like, I was thinking, like,

1163
00:50:05,040 --> 00:50:07,640
Speaker 6: what would my bad choice be? I think, I hope

1164
00:50:07,640 --> 00:50:09,360
Speaker 6: I'm answering the question right, So if I answer it

1165
00:50:09,440 --> 00:50:11,919
Speaker 6: and I don't just tell me, ask me again. But

1166
00:50:12,480 --> 00:50:14,040
Speaker 6: I feel like a bad choice that I feel like

1167
00:50:14,280 --> 00:50:16,799
Speaker 6: might look bad. And if I would have went back,

1168
00:50:16,840 --> 00:50:18,600
Speaker 6: I would have said, she's what the fuck you doing?

1169
00:50:18,640 --> 00:50:21,239
Speaker 6: Low key? But it turned out to be good. Is

1170
00:50:21,280 --> 00:50:23,799
Speaker 6: being a bonus mom? Like I think, like right before

1171
00:50:23,840 --> 00:50:25,560
Speaker 6: I met Ace, if you would have asked me like, oh,

1172
00:50:25,600 --> 00:50:28,640
Speaker 6: do you dating man with kids? Hell no, hell no,

1173
00:50:28,800 --> 00:50:31,160
Speaker 6: fuck them kids. I don't want them, you know, Like

1174
00:50:31,200 --> 00:50:33,319
Speaker 6: that was very much the vibe I was on. But

1175
00:50:33,560 --> 00:50:37,320
Speaker 6: then I was like, okay, there are two one baby mama,

1176
00:50:38,400 --> 00:50:40,000
Speaker 6: we can negotiate. We can negotiate.

1177
00:50:40,200 --> 00:50:43,320
Speaker 4: I like him, and shit, yeah, like you know, but.

1178
00:50:43,440 --> 00:50:46,960
Speaker 6: Honestly, without hyperbole, I just have the best bonus kids

1179
00:50:46,960 --> 00:50:50,359
Speaker 6: on the planet. They're so cool, Like, they're fun, they're

1180
00:50:50,400 --> 00:50:54,040
Speaker 6: funny to be around, they're smart, they're engaging, and like

1181
00:50:54,280 --> 00:50:56,160
Speaker 6: through being a bonus mom. I had to deal with

1182
00:50:56,200 --> 00:50:59,239
Speaker 6: my ego a lot. And I don't know, I think

1183
00:50:59,320 --> 00:51:01,879
Speaker 6: parenting is the ghetto anyway, Like you would have got

1184
00:51:01,960 --> 00:51:04,040
Speaker 6: to that point. Y'all can correct me if I'm wrong,

1185
00:51:04,080 --> 00:51:07,080
Speaker 6: because I'm not a mother biologically, But you got to

1186
00:51:07,080 --> 00:51:10,399
Speaker 6: confront your ego a lot. Like so many times, let's

1187
00:51:10,400 --> 00:51:12,640
Speaker 6: say I wanted something my way, but she has two

1188
00:51:12,640 --> 00:51:14,120
Speaker 6: parents who wanted a different way. That I have to

1189
00:51:14,160 --> 00:51:17,960
Speaker 6: put myself to the side, So managing my ego and

1190
00:51:18,040 --> 00:51:21,280
Speaker 6: being kind to myself. I had a very harsh InterVoice

1191
00:51:21,320 --> 00:51:23,560
Speaker 6: growing up, and so like I'm not a person. Like

1192
00:51:23,560 --> 00:51:26,800
Speaker 6: when I meet women who've always been confident, I'm like, damn,

1193
00:51:27,040 --> 00:51:29,520
Speaker 6: that's so cool. You just believe in yourself. Like I

1194
00:51:29,560 --> 00:51:32,040
Speaker 6: had to really fight for the belief in myself, like

1195
00:51:32,280 --> 00:51:35,120
Speaker 6: you're good, You're worthy of things. And so I'm very

1196
00:51:35,160 --> 00:51:37,839
Speaker 6: mindful of that and this when I'm around her, I

1197
00:51:37,880 --> 00:51:40,600
Speaker 6: have to really be disciplined about the way that I

1198
00:51:40,600 --> 00:51:43,480
Speaker 6: speak to myself and the way that I speak to her. Like,

1199
00:51:43,719 --> 00:51:46,480
Speaker 6: all right, I told her, don't leave these dishes. She's

1200
00:51:46,480 --> 00:51:48,279
Speaker 6: still doing it. Like what am I gonna say? How

1201
00:51:48,280 --> 00:51:50,520
Speaker 6: am I gonna candle that you see I'm saying, I

1202
00:51:50,520 --> 00:51:52,120
Speaker 6: feel like if it's your own kids, you might fly

1203
00:51:52,160 --> 00:51:52,680
Speaker 6: off and be.

1204
00:51:52,600 --> 00:51:58,400
Speaker 3: Like girl, I told, yeah, exactly, that's true. An interesting perspective,

1205
00:51:58,400 --> 00:52:00,560
Speaker 3: and I was thinking that it may be like you're

1206
00:52:00,640 --> 00:52:02,759
Speaker 3: a little bit more aware, which is wild because you

1207
00:52:02,800 --> 00:52:05,000
Speaker 3: should just be aware in general, especially you know.

1208
00:52:05,880 --> 00:52:06,560
Speaker 4: But I also I.

1209
00:52:06,600 --> 00:52:08,640
Speaker 3: Wanted to ask you also before we get out of here, like,

1210
00:52:09,080 --> 00:52:11,760
Speaker 3: I know you've been really transparent and talked about your

1211
00:52:11,840 --> 00:52:14,759
Speaker 3: your journey to motherhood and like having bonus kids, and

1212
00:52:14,760 --> 00:52:16,040
Speaker 3: I know that you wanted to have you know, you

1213
00:52:16,080 --> 00:52:19,000
Speaker 3: want to have you know, kids, and how how have

1214
00:52:19,120 --> 00:52:21,799
Speaker 3: you healed that and like how have you been able

1215
00:52:21,840 --> 00:52:24,120
Speaker 3: to be comfortable talking about it and like, you know,

1216
00:52:24,440 --> 00:52:26,760
Speaker 3: all those things. I think it's something just in general,

1217
00:52:27,040 --> 00:52:29,080
Speaker 3: like you said, society tells you since you're a child,

1218
00:52:29,120 --> 00:52:31,200
Speaker 3: they give you that fucking baby, plastic baby, and they're like,

1219
00:52:31,200 --> 00:52:33,800
Speaker 3: this is what you're gonna do. So I think women

1220
00:52:34,680 --> 00:52:37,040
Speaker 3: often don't talk about the journey to you know, like

1221
00:52:37,560 --> 00:52:39,640
Speaker 3: fraternity and fertility.

1222
00:52:39,680 --> 00:52:41,000
Speaker 2: Start fraternity.

1223
00:52:41,160 --> 00:52:44,880
Speaker 4: She was like, sororities, fraternities, babies.

1224
00:52:46,320 --> 00:52:49,799
Speaker 2: Okay, Okay, how do you feel right?

1225
00:52:51,760 --> 00:52:52,000
Speaker 4: Yeah?

1226
00:52:52,120 --> 00:52:54,120
Speaker 6: I so definitely. I was one of the ones always

1227
00:52:54,160 --> 00:52:55,560
Speaker 6: want to be a mom. I love being a mom.

1228
00:52:55,600 --> 00:52:57,960
Speaker 6: I love taking care of babies and all the things.

1229
00:52:58,160 --> 00:53:00,160
Speaker 6: My mom tells a story to me every time I

1230
00:53:00,200 --> 00:53:02,600
Speaker 6: see her. That my little sister who's blonde hair and

1231
00:53:02,640 --> 00:53:04,120
Speaker 6: blue eyes, she looked like a baby doll to me,

1232
00:53:04,440 --> 00:53:06,319
Speaker 6: like when she was born. I was like, this is

1233
00:53:06,320 --> 00:53:08,560
Speaker 6: a real life dog. And she's like, you know, this

1234
00:53:08,640 --> 00:53:10,359
Speaker 6: is back And I'm raised in the eighties. I don't

1235
00:53:10,360 --> 00:53:11,360
Speaker 6: know if y'all remember.

1236
00:53:11,120 --> 00:53:13,400
Speaker 4: Eckerts oh the store.

1237
00:53:13,480 --> 00:53:15,560
Speaker 6: Maybe I'm from the South, maybe I didn't have them,

1238
00:53:15,640 --> 00:53:17,400
Speaker 6: But we used to be left in the car, like

1239
00:53:17,400 --> 00:53:19,520
Speaker 6: when our mom went to the store. That was normal.

1240
00:53:19,560 --> 00:53:20,920
Speaker 6: I don't even know if moms are allowed to do

1241
00:53:20,960 --> 00:53:23,800
Speaker 6: that anymore. But oh, you're not. You get arrested. CPS

1242
00:53:23,800 --> 00:53:24,200
Speaker 6: will be there.

1243
00:53:24,239 --> 00:53:26,600
Speaker 4: Yeah, you're a bad mother.

1244
00:53:26,640 --> 00:53:29,839
Speaker 6: They have you on TikTok by story time. Okay, So

1245
00:53:29,920 --> 00:53:31,480
Speaker 6: I was in the car. My mom was like, I'll

1246
00:53:31,520 --> 00:53:33,440
Speaker 6: be right back. I was five years old. My sister

1247
00:53:33,560 --> 00:53:36,359
Speaker 6: was just born, and she was crying, and I don't

1248
00:53:36,400 --> 00:53:38,520
Speaker 6: know how I knew, but I knew that she needed

1249
00:53:38,520 --> 00:53:40,440
Speaker 6: her diaper change. I took her out the car seat,

1250
00:53:40,800 --> 00:53:43,120
Speaker 6: changed her diaper, put her back in the car seat,

1251
00:53:43,280 --> 00:53:44,680
Speaker 6: and then my mom got in the car and she

1252
00:53:44,760 --> 00:53:46,359
Speaker 6: was like, you were just sitting there and you just said,

1253
00:53:46,360 --> 00:53:49,479
Speaker 6: oh yeah, Mom, I changed her diaper. So I feel

1254
00:53:49,480 --> 00:53:51,880
Speaker 6: like I've always had that spirit in me, that nurturing

1255
00:53:52,000 --> 00:53:55,680
Speaker 6: is very present. And so I was on birth control

1256
00:53:55,760 --> 00:53:58,720
Speaker 6: since I I just found out in my late thirties

1257
00:53:58,719 --> 00:54:01,920
Speaker 6: that I have endometrioses. All these years where I've been

1258
00:54:01,920 --> 00:54:03,839
Speaker 6: trying to get a diagnosis and they've just been telling

1259
00:54:03,840 --> 00:54:07,200
Speaker 6: you to take birth control, which retroactively made everything worse.

1260
00:54:07,880 --> 00:54:09,840
Speaker 6: So I thought, oh, when I get my I u

1261
00:54:09,920 --> 00:54:15,080
Speaker 6: d out, I'm gonna just get pregnant like we fucking like, hey, hey,

1262
00:54:15,160 --> 00:54:17,560
Speaker 6: we be on the mission. So I'm thinking it's just

1263
00:54:17,600 --> 00:54:20,880
Speaker 6: gonna happen. I never in a million years. I'm like,

1264
00:54:20,920 --> 00:54:23,840
Speaker 6: I'm a spiritual girlie. I do the crystals, you know,

1265
00:54:24,000 --> 00:54:26,359
Speaker 6: I'm I'm with the girls. I'm eating veggies and shit,

1266
00:54:26,520 --> 00:54:28,680
Speaker 6: and like, what do you mean, I'm doing my step aerobics,

1267
00:54:28,719 --> 00:54:30,920
Speaker 6: Like there's no I'm you know, I'm in touch with

1268
00:54:30,960 --> 00:54:34,080
Speaker 6: my divine feminine of course, so my ego took a

1269
00:54:34,400 --> 00:54:37,600
Speaker 6: massive hit when my fertility journey did not go the

1270
00:54:37,600 --> 00:54:40,200
Speaker 6: way that I mean, the first miscarriage, I was in

1271
00:54:40,239 --> 00:54:41,959
Speaker 6: the middle of filming love and hip hop.

1272
00:54:42,480 --> 00:54:46,560
Speaker 4: No, that sounds like.

1273
00:54:48,640 --> 00:54:49,640
Speaker 2: That sounds in.

1274
00:54:51,440 --> 00:54:54,719
Speaker 6: Listen. Yes, So it was crazy. I'm like, all right,

1275
00:54:54,760 --> 00:54:57,520
Speaker 6: one is fine. But then it just kept happening, and

1276
00:54:57,560 --> 00:55:00,320
Speaker 6: then I started to go like, oh wait a minute, Okay,

1277
00:55:00,320 --> 00:55:03,040
Speaker 6: this is before I had my diagnosis, what's wrong with me?

1278
00:55:03,080 --> 00:55:05,759
Speaker 6: And it really took me a long time to work

1279
00:55:05,800 --> 00:55:09,000
Speaker 6: through that shame and guilt. Because if you're told as

1280
00:55:09,040 --> 00:55:11,680
Speaker 6: a woman, one of the things that you are made

1281
00:55:11,760 --> 00:55:15,560
Speaker 6: to do on this earth is to birth children, and

1282
00:55:15,600 --> 00:55:18,080
Speaker 6: you find yourself not being able to do that, then

1283
00:55:18,160 --> 00:55:21,960
Speaker 6: what then? What? Remember when I saw the Barbie movie

1284
00:55:22,320 --> 00:55:24,279
Speaker 6: that I saw it so many times cause I love

1285
00:55:24,320 --> 00:55:26,560
Speaker 6: the ending so much because of that song, that Billie

1286
00:55:26,560 --> 00:55:28,919
Speaker 6: Eilish song what Am I Made For? And I would

1287
00:55:28,960 --> 00:55:31,279
Speaker 6: just listen to that part, like what am I Made For?

1288
00:55:31,680 --> 00:55:34,360
Speaker 6: I remember I thought to myself, like, what the fuck

1289
00:55:34,400 --> 00:55:36,960
Speaker 6: am I even like a good wife? Like especially he

1290
00:55:37,000 --> 00:55:40,160
Speaker 6: already has two kids and they're so amazing and brilliant,

1291
00:55:40,239 --> 00:55:43,120
Speaker 6: like and here I am. So it took. It was

1292
00:55:43,320 --> 00:55:45,600
Speaker 6: not easy, the journey. I'm still on the journey. I

1293
00:55:45,600 --> 00:55:48,840
Speaker 6: don't have any children yet, I have not conceived, but

1294
00:55:48,920 --> 00:55:52,880
Speaker 6: what I have done is stop trying. I stopped trying

1295
00:55:53,000 --> 00:55:56,160
Speaker 6: after I had to do multiple surgeries, had to get ovariances,

1296
00:55:56,840 --> 00:55:59,799
Speaker 6: removed multiple things to remove the tissue like end of

1297
00:55:59,840 --> 00:56:03,880
Speaker 6: me leaves like all this leftover tissue scar tissue exactly,

1298
00:56:04,120 --> 00:56:06,560
Speaker 6: and so getting that remove and then I just decided,

1299
00:56:06,640 --> 00:56:09,560
Speaker 6: you know what, like Tracy elis Roth said, and that

1300
00:56:09,560 --> 00:56:12,680
Speaker 6: that podcast interview she did the other day with Michelle Obama,

1301
00:56:12,760 --> 00:56:16,560
Speaker 6: what is this about? Like what is this about? What

1302
00:56:16,600 --> 00:56:19,759
Speaker 6: am I searching for? What is it that I'm looking for?

1303
00:56:19,960 --> 00:56:23,000
Speaker 6: I'm very much looking for something. There was a part

1304
00:56:23,000 --> 00:56:25,680
Speaker 6: of me that's like, if I cannot do this, if

1305
00:56:25,719 --> 00:56:29,319
Speaker 6: I cannot conceive my children, I'm not worthy. I'm not

1306
00:56:29,360 --> 00:56:32,560
Speaker 6: a good and I'm not a full whole woman, and

1307
00:56:32,719 --> 00:56:35,480
Speaker 6: that had I had to let that go. So the

1308
00:56:35,560 --> 00:56:38,520
Speaker 6: place that I was pursuing my fertility journey on was

1309
00:56:38,560 --> 00:56:42,040
Speaker 6: the place of lack. And it caused me to ask myself, like,

1310
00:56:42,080 --> 00:56:44,360
Speaker 6: what would you what do you think children are going

1311
00:56:44,440 --> 00:56:46,279
Speaker 6: to give you that you don't have. What do you

1312
00:56:46,280 --> 00:56:47,840
Speaker 6: think it's going to bring out a new version of you?

1313
00:56:47,880 --> 00:56:50,040
Speaker 6: And of course it does, because when you birth the child,

1314
00:56:50,000 --> 00:56:52,759
Speaker 6: your birth a mother. But for me, I had to

1315
00:56:53,080 --> 00:56:56,480
Speaker 6: sit with well, okay, let's take the whole. So I

1316
00:56:56,560 --> 00:56:59,439
Speaker 6: do this integration work. I do a lot of spiritual there.

1317
00:56:59,480 --> 00:57:02,759
Speaker 6: I'm in all the therapies, and this was where you

1318
00:57:02,920 --> 00:57:06,640
Speaker 6: take the fear and you magnify it. So in sessions

1319
00:57:06,760 --> 00:57:08,400
Speaker 6: and I did em DR, which is amazing.

1320
00:57:08,440 --> 00:57:14,200
Speaker 5: I totally recommend show a few weeks ago Who Changed Life,

1321
00:57:14,200 --> 00:57:18,920
Speaker 5: And then yeah, everyone commented on just how hot it is.

1322
00:57:19,160 --> 00:57:25,680
Speaker 6: Yeah, I Movement desensitization reprocessing. I recommend it for two reasons.

1323
00:57:25,760 --> 00:57:28,480
Speaker 6: Number one is you can do four sessions of e

1324
00:57:28,600 --> 00:57:31,880
Speaker 6: M d R and really work through something, whereas talk

1325
00:57:31,960 --> 00:57:36,080
Speaker 6: therapy can just be never ending, never never ending. And

1326
00:57:36,600 --> 00:57:40,080
Speaker 6: the second is it's more cost effective, Like you can

1327
00:57:40,200 --> 00:57:43,040
Speaker 6: literally find you an e M d R specialist, do

1328
00:57:43,160 --> 00:57:47,200
Speaker 6: four sessions and you will actually metric like you will

1329
00:57:47,200 --> 00:57:49,520
Speaker 6: be able to see the change in your life. And

1330
00:57:49,600 --> 00:57:52,560
Speaker 6: it's not through thinking through things. I think like a

1331
00:57:52,560 --> 00:57:56,160
Speaker 6: lot of us prioritize our rational mind, logical mind. I'm

1332
00:57:56,200 --> 00:57:57,400
Speaker 6: going to think through it. I'm going to talk through

1333
00:57:57,400 --> 00:57:58,800
Speaker 6: why my mom left. I'm going to talk through it,

1334
00:57:58,800 --> 00:58:01,480
Speaker 6: and you can. But there's a certain somatic healing and

1335
00:58:01,480 --> 00:58:04,640
Speaker 6: that's what EMDR is that happens without you thinking through it,

1336
00:58:04,640 --> 00:58:08,160
Speaker 6: which I think is helpful. So anyway, in the fear

1337
00:58:08,400 --> 00:58:10,400
Speaker 6: was what if I never become a mother? And so

1338
00:58:10,720 --> 00:58:13,480
Speaker 6: instead of running from it in the sessions, I would

1339
00:58:13,520 --> 00:58:16,880
Speaker 6: magnify it, blow it up, make it big, and run

1340
00:58:17,000 --> 00:58:19,240
Speaker 6: right into it like a wave. And I was like,

1341
00:58:19,280 --> 00:58:21,720
Speaker 6: on the other side, it wasn't that scary for me, Like,

1342
00:58:21,800 --> 00:58:26,360
Speaker 6: I don't if God finds it for me to have

1343
00:58:26,400 --> 00:58:30,320
Speaker 6: a child, absolutely, but if I never have a child

1344
00:58:30,360 --> 00:58:33,040
Speaker 6: from my own body, I'm still a mother Number one.

1345
00:58:33,560 --> 00:58:35,760
Speaker 6: Number two, I'm still valuable, I'm still worthy, and I

1346
00:58:35,760 --> 00:58:38,480
Speaker 6: have so many things to birth right, so many things

1347
00:58:38,480 --> 00:58:41,640
Speaker 6: to birth into this world. And then also I started

1348
00:58:41,640 --> 00:58:44,320
Speaker 6: to think maybe a part of my purpose is to

1349
00:58:44,440 --> 00:58:48,080
Speaker 6: express motherhood differently. Look at how many the foster cares are.

1350
00:58:48,400 --> 00:58:51,480
Speaker 6: They're full, Yeah, okay, so many children who need care,

1351
00:58:51,560 --> 00:58:53,920
Speaker 6: who need support. Why do I feel like, well, there

1352
00:58:53,960 --> 00:58:55,200
Speaker 6: was a certain part of me is like is it

1353
00:58:55,320 --> 00:58:57,120
Speaker 6: just the ego thing where I feel like I only

1354
00:58:57,200 --> 00:59:00,080
Speaker 6: care so much if it's mine. So that's where I

1355
00:59:00,120 --> 00:59:02,800
Speaker 6: am right now. I'm exploring what care motherhood looks like

1356
00:59:03,320 --> 00:59:05,440
Speaker 6: in all the ways I can express it right now

1357
00:59:05,520 --> 00:59:08,960
Speaker 6: because I just felt like this journey like chasing motherhood

1358
00:59:09,000 --> 00:59:14,360
Speaker 6: was like killing me. It was killing me spiritual, mentally, physically,

1359
00:59:14,480 --> 00:59:17,320
Speaker 6: and I just was like, I'm I refuse to do

1360
00:59:17,360 --> 00:59:19,840
Speaker 6: this to myself anymore, Like anything in my life that

1361
00:59:19,880 --> 00:59:22,800
Speaker 6: I've had to do all this for something is telling

1362
00:59:22,840 --> 00:59:24,920
Speaker 6: me you need to shift, You maybe need to look elsewhere.

1363
00:59:25,400 --> 00:59:26,800
Speaker 6: And that's what I decided, was like.

1364
00:59:27,280 --> 00:59:27,960
Speaker 4: That's beautiful.

1365
00:59:28,200 --> 00:59:33,200
Speaker 3: And I think that women innately just think I'm supposed

1366
00:59:33,200 --> 00:59:35,520
Speaker 3: to have kid because it's on the checklist. Yeah, no, bitch,

1367
00:59:35,600 --> 00:59:39,600
Speaker 3: you should really just didn't think about it.

1368
00:59:38,000 --> 00:59:43,000
Speaker 6: You I work with women, so I hear stories all

1369
00:59:43,040 --> 00:59:44,520
Speaker 6: the more I think about it, the more I go.

1370
00:59:44,600 --> 00:59:48,160
Speaker 6: I don't know, maybe maybe it's a blessing in disguise,

1371
00:59:49,440 --> 00:59:51,840
Speaker 6: because look how hard it is for mothers right now.

1372
00:59:52,280 --> 00:59:55,680
Speaker 6: Nobody has support. There's no maternal health care, there's no

1373
00:59:55,760 --> 00:59:58,440
Speaker 6: maternal leave. Like you know, women, I hear it all

1374
00:59:58,480 --> 01:00:01,160
Speaker 6: the time, Like, I'm not all one of those women

1375
01:00:01,160 --> 01:00:03,240
Speaker 6: that will be like nobody told me it could be hard.

1376
01:00:03,320 --> 01:00:06,600
Speaker 6: I am exactly the opposite. I have heard the realities.

1377
01:00:07,000 --> 01:00:09,360
Speaker 6: Your nipples hurt, is that you know all the things

1378
01:00:09,360 --> 01:00:11,720
Speaker 6: that can happen. So I'm not naive, you know, I think.

1379
01:00:11,920 --> 01:00:13,919
Speaker 6: So that's why I'm I'm just gonna make the best

1380
01:00:13,920 --> 01:00:17,520
Speaker 6: of it whatever. That's the only way I know how

1381
01:00:17,560 --> 01:00:20,320
Speaker 6: to deal with life. Otherwise that she gets dark and

1382
01:00:20,360 --> 01:00:22,320
Speaker 6: it's just like you feel out of control. So what

1383
01:00:22,360 --> 01:00:25,400
Speaker 6: can I control? I can control my perspective on the situation,

1384
01:00:25,760 --> 01:00:29,160
Speaker 6: and my perspective is I'm divinely guided and protected always

1385
01:00:29,200 --> 01:00:31,760
Speaker 6: at all times. So whatever is in my life, it

1386
01:00:31,800 --> 01:00:32,880
Speaker 6: is supposed to be in my life.

1387
01:00:33,000 --> 01:00:34,880
Speaker 4: Amen, period, period.

1388
01:00:34,960 --> 01:00:37,040
Speaker 6: Okay, So if anybody's looking for a mom.

1389
01:00:43,520 --> 01:00:44,320
Speaker 4: That's beautiful.

1390
01:00:44,480 --> 01:00:48,600
Speaker 3: Yeah, I really appreciate you sharing that and being like transparent,

1391
01:00:48,760 --> 01:00:51,160
Speaker 3: and it happens so much. There's so many women who

1392
01:00:51,160 --> 01:00:53,040
Speaker 3: are gonna benefit from hearing you speak like that and

1393
01:00:53,120 --> 01:00:56,840
Speaker 3: change their perspective and just like look at the fear

1394
01:00:56,880 --> 01:00:59,880
Speaker 3: and magnify it so that you can really like embody

1395
01:01:00,120 --> 01:01:02,600
Speaker 3: and say, is it really that motherfucking scary or I'm

1396
01:01:02,760 --> 01:01:04,040
Speaker 3: telling myself that it's scary.

1397
01:01:04,120 --> 01:01:05,200
Speaker 6: And there's grief either way.

1398
01:01:05,320 --> 01:01:05,680
Speaker 2: Mm hmm.

1399
01:01:05,880 --> 01:01:07,680
Speaker 6: That's what I just talked about in the video I

1400
01:01:07,720 --> 01:01:09,840
Speaker 6: was talking about Tracy Ellis Ross was talking about her

1401
01:01:09,920 --> 01:01:12,640
Speaker 6: grief from not having a partner and not having children.

1402
01:01:12,840 --> 01:01:15,840
Speaker 6: There's grief either way. If you have children, you're gonna

1403
01:01:15,840 --> 01:01:18,240
Speaker 6: grieve the live you lost. If you don't, you're gonna

1404
01:01:18,240 --> 01:01:21,040
Speaker 6: grieve all the what ifs. Like there's grieving. And so

1405
01:01:21,120 --> 01:01:23,360
Speaker 6: instead of trying to run from something that can bring

1406
01:01:23,400 --> 01:01:26,560
Speaker 6: me grief, I'd rather be in a position to manage

1407
01:01:26,560 --> 01:01:28,480
Speaker 6: the grief regardless.

1408
01:01:28,920 --> 01:01:31,320
Speaker 3: And this shit's gonna happen no matter what, whether it's this,

1409
01:01:31,320 --> 01:01:34,080
Speaker 3: this or that. How are you managing with life in general?

1410
01:01:34,440 --> 01:01:36,560
Speaker 3: Because it's not always going to be roses and flowers,

1411
01:01:36,600 --> 01:01:41,160
Speaker 3: but it can be if your the ability to just

1412
01:01:41,280 --> 01:01:43,920
Speaker 3: go through things and stay up is there. And I

1413
01:01:43,960 --> 01:01:47,320
Speaker 3: think people like change, like forget that. That's what this

1414
01:01:47,440 --> 01:01:50,920
Speaker 3: life is about. It's like finding peace and whatever whatever

1415
01:01:50,960 --> 01:01:51,560
Speaker 3: God gives you.

1416
01:01:51,720 --> 01:01:55,280
Speaker 5: Essentially, I think definitely finding the peace. And also, like

1417
01:01:56,120 --> 01:01:58,280
Speaker 5: you said that you were trying to create a child

1418
01:01:58,320 --> 01:02:01,320
Speaker 5: from a place of lack, your body will follow suit

1419
01:02:01,400 --> 01:02:05,320
Speaker 5: in that as well, like truly, so you know. And

1420
01:02:05,480 --> 01:02:07,160
Speaker 5: and that's not to say that, oh, now you live

1421
01:02:07,160 --> 01:02:08,600
Speaker 5: in abundant life and now you're at peace and now

1422
01:02:08,600 --> 01:02:09,160
Speaker 5: suddenly you're.

1423
01:02:09,040 --> 01:02:09,600
Speaker 2: Gonna have a baby.

1424
01:02:09,600 --> 01:02:11,760
Speaker 5: That's not that's that might not be the case either,

1425
01:02:12,080 --> 01:02:14,720
Speaker 5: But I but wouldn't you rather live in that frequency?

1426
01:02:15,280 --> 01:02:17,840
Speaker 5: Like wouldn't you rather create life in that frequency. Wouldn't

1427
01:02:17,840 --> 01:02:19,880
Speaker 5: you rather accept that maybe in this lifetime you won't

1428
01:02:19,920 --> 01:02:21,240
Speaker 5: create life in that frequency?

1429
01:02:21,440 --> 01:02:22,120
Speaker 2: Right? You know?

1430
01:02:22,360 --> 01:02:24,000
Speaker 6: And that's kind of like what it is. I know

1431
01:02:24,040 --> 01:02:25,840
Speaker 6: you guys are very spiritual too, and I feel like

1432
01:02:25,880 --> 01:02:28,760
Speaker 6: I've been communicating with my there's two it's a boy

1433
01:02:28,760 --> 01:02:32,040
Speaker 6: and a girl spirit children for years and I I

1434
01:02:32,480 --> 01:02:34,560
Speaker 6: where I am now are my spiritual journeys. I get

1435
01:02:34,560 --> 01:02:38,439
Speaker 6: this sense that they will only enter the earth through

1436
01:02:38,480 --> 01:02:42,200
Speaker 6: my body with a very specific set of circumstances, and

1437
01:02:42,280 --> 01:02:44,760
Speaker 6: if it's not up to their standard, they're.

1438
01:02:44,600 --> 01:02:45,000
Speaker 2: Not doing it.

1439
01:02:45,120 --> 01:02:45,520
Speaker 4: Not coming.

1440
01:02:45,600 --> 01:02:47,160
Speaker 6: I feel like they came and peeked around a few

1441
01:02:47,200 --> 01:02:50,120
Speaker 6: times and they were like, Noah, no, Mom, get together.

1442
01:02:50,920 --> 01:02:53,720
Speaker 6: And so I agree, I'd rather be in that vibration.

1443
01:02:53,880 --> 01:02:57,720
Speaker 5: Like regardless, how is your husband, I guess supported you

1444
01:02:57,800 --> 01:03:00,480
Speaker 5: through the grief and this process.

1445
01:03:00,640 --> 01:03:04,120
Speaker 6: He has so much faith. Like that's one thing that

1446
01:03:04,160 --> 01:03:08,160
Speaker 6: I love about him and his family, Like his mom

1447
01:03:08,320 --> 01:03:10,680
Speaker 6: is one of those like praying Grandma's Like, you know

1448
01:03:10,840 --> 01:03:13,120
Speaker 6: she going and pray over you. That's okay, baby, she

1449
01:03:13,160 --> 01:03:15,919
Speaker 6: gonna encourage you. And like that's another reason why he

1450
01:03:16,040 --> 01:03:19,000
Speaker 6: latched on and did so well with Khaled, because Calid

1451
01:03:19,080 --> 01:03:21,880
Speaker 6: speaks like that, like that like Ace knows how to

1452
01:03:21,960 --> 01:03:26,040
Speaker 6: speak things into existence, and he's very encouraging. He never worried.

1453
01:03:26,080 --> 01:03:29,440
Speaker 6: I'm like, you're not worried, No, no, can you at

1454
01:03:29,560 --> 01:03:32,120
Speaker 6: least indulge make me feel like I'm not fucking crazy?

1455
01:03:32,400 --> 01:03:34,960
Speaker 6: But he I'm like, I think it's a little easier too.

1456
01:03:35,000 --> 01:03:36,640
Speaker 6: I tell him this also, I think it might be

1457
01:03:36,680 --> 01:03:39,240
Speaker 6: a little easier for him. Number one, it's not his body.

1458
01:03:39,360 --> 01:03:41,720
Speaker 6: He's he's a man, and he has to like like

1459
01:03:41,800 --> 01:03:43,600
Speaker 6: you can look at them like sailor will come down

1460
01:03:43,640 --> 01:03:45,880
Speaker 6: the stairs and you'll see like you have one already.

1461
01:03:45,920 --> 01:03:48,960
Speaker 6: But to him, in his mind, he's like, I have

1462
01:03:49,040 --> 01:03:51,640
Speaker 6: no doubt in my mind, no doubt. And he prays

1463
01:03:51,680 --> 01:03:55,080
Speaker 6: a lot and he does like womb massages and stuff

1464
01:03:55,120 --> 01:03:58,800
Speaker 6: like that. Wow, he's a gem. One thing. I really

1465
01:03:58,880 --> 01:04:02,000
Speaker 6: looked up with a torus man, a healed tourist man,

1466
01:04:02,040 --> 01:04:05,560
Speaker 6: because they love being married. He loves being married.

1467
01:04:05,400 --> 01:04:07,200
Speaker 4: Like emphasis unhealed healed.

1468
01:04:07,520 --> 01:04:09,120
Speaker 5: Yeah, because we were just talking about it, were just

1469
01:04:09,160 --> 01:04:11,840
Speaker 5: talking about unhealed towards men yesterday.

1470
01:04:11,040 --> 01:04:11,480
Speaker 2: Oh my god.

1471
01:04:11,960 --> 01:04:14,440
Speaker 6: Stubborn, so stubborn.

1472
01:04:17,320 --> 01:04:19,640
Speaker 2: She's like, I'm sorr, I'm whispering probably heard it on

1473
01:04:19,680 --> 01:04:19,880
Speaker 2: the mic.

1474
01:04:20,040 --> 01:04:26,000
Speaker 3: I know that, Yeah, yeah, and shout out to the

1475
01:04:26,000 --> 01:04:28,560
Speaker 3: men that loved being married and loved being husbands and like,

1476
01:04:28,720 --> 01:04:30,240
Speaker 3: are he's.

1477
01:04:30,080 --> 01:04:33,480
Speaker 6: A lover voice mine aries, that's what you said.

1478
01:04:34,280 --> 01:04:38,600
Speaker 5: Yeah, I feel like Scorpio Taurus, those two signs, I think,

1479
01:04:38,800 --> 01:04:42,600
Speaker 5: because they're the opposite unhealed, are very.

1480
01:04:42,560 --> 01:04:44,720
Speaker 6: I've heard dangerous.

1481
01:04:45,200 --> 01:04:47,240
Speaker 2: I'm a Scorpio, I'm a Scorpios.

1482
01:04:48,040 --> 01:04:50,480
Speaker 6: You got isn't that the stinger? You got the stinger right?

1483
01:04:50,680 --> 01:04:50,960
Speaker 4: Yeah?

1484
01:04:51,240 --> 01:04:53,919
Speaker 5: By scorpio that has like committed to doing no work

1485
01:04:54,160 --> 01:05:00,720
Speaker 5: is actually a demonic, Like it couldn't really be a scary.

1486
01:05:00,360 --> 01:05:01,920
Speaker 2: Time for they can really.

1487
01:05:02,120 --> 01:05:04,880
Speaker 5: Yeah, I've experienced it on the other end, not necessarily

1488
01:05:04,920 --> 01:05:08,080
Speaker 5: me because I'm perfect, but the men that I've dated,

1489
01:05:08,080 --> 01:05:11,720
Speaker 5: who my partner now is a Scorpio and he's like amazing.

1490
01:05:11,160 --> 01:05:13,479
Speaker 6: To Scorpios, how is that going?

1491
01:05:13,920 --> 01:05:14,360
Speaker 2: Amazing?

1492
01:05:14,760 --> 01:05:16,720
Speaker 5: And but before that, I was with a Scorpio and

1493
01:05:16,760 --> 01:05:18,880
Speaker 5: so that was a different dynamic and we fed each other,

1494
01:05:18,920 --> 01:05:20,040
Speaker 5: we fed each other in different ways.

1495
01:05:20,040 --> 01:05:22,960
Speaker 2: It was very sexually driven and like that was what

1496
01:05:23,120 --> 01:05:27,240
Speaker 2: was there. But emotionally, like you know, like it's it

1497
01:05:27,240 --> 01:05:30,000
Speaker 2: can be very very scary.

1498
01:05:30,720 --> 01:05:33,479
Speaker 5: So I think, like you said like a healed Turus man,

1499
01:05:33,600 --> 01:05:34,920
Speaker 5: And I think you know Taurus is they do.

1500
01:05:35,000 --> 01:05:38,400
Speaker 2: They love home life. They love like.

1501
01:05:39,000 --> 01:05:42,480
Speaker 5: They like a foundation, they like structure, like they really

1502
01:05:42,640 --> 01:05:46,600
Speaker 5: like to feel in community with people.

1503
01:05:46,320 --> 01:05:48,640
Speaker 2: And especially your family. Yeah, so I think that's beautiful that.

1504
01:05:48,960 --> 01:05:50,600
Speaker 6: I know his mom used to get on him so

1505
01:05:50,720 --> 01:05:53,600
Speaker 6: much when we first got married because she's like, you

1506
01:05:53,680 --> 01:05:56,000
Speaker 6: just keep saying your wife all day, all day, say

1507
01:05:56,040 --> 01:05:58,440
Speaker 6: my wife, my wife, my wife, my wife, Like just

1508
01:05:58,480 --> 01:05:59,800
Speaker 6: say Sheila, just.

1509
01:06:01,280 --> 01:06:02,960
Speaker 4: All my life to say life, right.

1510
01:06:04,080 --> 01:06:06,280
Speaker 6: I'm like, I really love that, though. I feel like

1511
01:06:06,320 --> 01:06:10,000
Speaker 6: that's half the battle because from my observation what I

1512
01:06:10,040 --> 01:06:13,480
Speaker 6: see on the internet nowadays, I don't know what's the

1513
01:06:13,640 --> 01:06:15,080
Speaker 6: batch of being going on.

1514
01:06:15,160 --> 01:06:15,280
Speaker 1: Now.

1515
01:06:15,320 --> 01:06:16,439
Speaker 6: I'm like, y'all, I hate women.

1516
01:06:16,840 --> 01:06:19,439
Speaker 3: That's why we need more men that are speaking out

1517
01:06:19,480 --> 01:06:23,000
Speaker 3: about loving wives and loving like married life, loving being

1518
01:06:23,000 --> 01:06:23,440
Speaker 3: a husband.

1519
01:06:23,480 --> 01:06:25,480
Speaker 6: Like I need more men to talk to their homeboys.

1520
01:06:25,760 --> 01:06:28,280
Speaker 4: Yeah, Like, please God, please help the men more.

1521
01:06:28,600 --> 01:06:30,320
Speaker 2: Maybe as just some men's truth.

1522
01:06:31,960 --> 01:06:34,160
Speaker 6: Love your wife again all the time, like can we

1523
01:06:34,200 --> 01:06:36,960
Speaker 6: get pow wow, y'all get together? Because like what's going on?

1524
01:06:37,600 --> 01:06:41,320
Speaker 5: Because I would say there are some really really powerful

1525
01:06:41,640 --> 01:06:45,400
Speaker 5: male voices on the internet again that are speaking really

1526
01:06:45,440 --> 01:06:48,200
Speaker 5: highly of women, and that is like I feel I've

1527
01:06:48,280 --> 01:06:50,000
Speaker 5: seen that over the last i'd say, like a few

1528
01:06:50,440 --> 01:06:54,600
Speaker 5: two years, and so I hope I'm hoping that the

1529
01:06:54,640 --> 01:06:56,600
Speaker 5: men are. I know a lot of women are listening

1530
01:06:56,640 --> 01:06:58,680
Speaker 5: to those men because I'm one of them. Like, yeah,

1531
01:06:58,880 --> 01:07:01,800
Speaker 5: because because I don't think the old men are listening

1532
01:07:01,840 --> 01:07:02,240
Speaker 5: to them.

1533
01:07:02,360 --> 01:07:05,000
Speaker 3: Yeah, because men talking shit about women all day on

1534
01:07:05,000 --> 01:07:07,080
Speaker 3: the internet. It's not the flex that you think it is,

1535
01:07:07,120 --> 01:07:10,520
Speaker 3: my g at all. It makes you look immature, weak

1536
01:07:10,760 --> 01:07:13,200
Speaker 3: and just like baby boy.

1537
01:07:13,040 --> 01:07:16,400
Speaker 5: You're disrespecting the source. Yeah, now everything is gonna be

1538
01:07:16,400 --> 01:07:16,960
Speaker 5: fucked up for you.

1539
01:07:17,000 --> 01:07:19,200
Speaker 3: I always say this, and it's not a popular opinion,

1540
01:07:19,280 --> 01:07:21,040
Speaker 3: but when you come, you.

1541
01:07:21,000 --> 01:07:22,240
Speaker 2: Don't just be with your homie.

1542
01:07:22,360 --> 01:07:24,480
Speaker 3: You don't want you come for the You come for

1543
01:07:24,560 --> 01:07:27,640
Speaker 3: the divine feminine In this lifetime, I feel like, because

1544
01:07:27,680 --> 01:07:30,400
Speaker 3: we're raising up and we're like remembering who we are,

1545
01:07:31,200 --> 01:07:33,200
Speaker 3: it's not gonna be good for you if you keep

1546
01:07:33,240 --> 01:07:35,520
Speaker 3: going in that round. Look what happened to Kevin Samon.

1547
01:07:35,560 --> 01:07:40,560
Speaker 3: I knew you were say on Mother's Day weekend? Yes,

1548
01:07:40,600 --> 01:07:42,320
Speaker 3: bit because I noticed it and I said, oh, look

1549
01:07:42,320 --> 01:07:45,040
Speaker 3: at the goddesses. They did not like that ship. You

1550
01:07:45,080 --> 01:07:48,560
Speaker 3: were a point he was cancerous. I don't even know

1551
01:07:48,560 --> 01:07:50,040
Speaker 3: if there was a character, but he was. He was

1552
01:07:50,120 --> 01:07:52,480
Speaker 3: doing no good. It's like those kind of people Andrew

1553
01:07:52,600 --> 01:07:56,040
Speaker 3: Taits or whatever the name is there are. I don't

1554
01:07:56,080 --> 01:07:58,720
Speaker 3: think that you this is the the error for you.

1555
01:07:58,800 --> 01:08:02,440
Speaker 3: My gis not going to thrive, not at all, clearly,

1556
01:08:02,880 --> 01:08:04,400
Speaker 3: not me saying that every time.

1557
01:08:05,440 --> 01:08:08,160
Speaker 2: Okay, before we get out of here, do you have

1558
01:08:08,160 --> 01:08:08,840
Speaker 2: a horror story?

1559
01:08:09,040 --> 01:08:10,080
Speaker 6: Yeah?

1560
01:08:10,080 --> 01:08:13,200
Speaker 3: Oh wait before the horse give affirmation and then tell

1561
01:08:13,240 --> 01:08:14,480
Speaker 3: us your horror story.

1562
01:08:15,520 --> 01:08:19,680
Speaker 6: I love what is it? I love and accept myself

1563
01:08:19,920 --> 01:08:22,720
Speaker 6: completely exactly as I am right now.

1564
01:08:23,120 --> 01:08:26,679
Speaker 3: I love and accept myself completely exactly as I am

1565
01:08:26,920 --> 01:08:27,400
Speaker 3: right now.

1566
01:08:30,880 --> 01:08:32,120
Speaker 6: And the what is it?

1567
01:08:32,160 --> 01:08:32,679
Speaker 4: A horror?

1568
01:08:32,680 --> 01:08:36,200
Speaker 3: A horror story like when you're a highly horrory your husband,

1569
01:08:36,200 --> 01:08:39,160
Speaker 3: it could be in your whole era whenever it's.

1570
01:08:38,960 --> 01:08:41,360
Speaker 6: Like thinking, I'm like, Dad, I need a good horror story.

1571
01:08:40,960 --> 01:08:43,840
Speaker 6: I'm a what did you say you was a monogamous

1572
01:08:43,880 --> 01:08:44,799
Speaker 6: monster or something?

1573
01:08:44,840 --> 01:08:45,479
Speaker 2: What was it?

1574
01:08:47,000 --> 01:08:47,680
Speaker 6: That's what I am.

1575
01:08:47,720 --> 01:08:49,519
Speaker 4: I'm like, I'm a monogamous monster.

1576
01:08:51,479 --> 01:08:54,080
Speaker 6: But I do have a story about a retreat actually.

1577
01:08:58,840 --> 01:09:02,480
Speaker 2: Horse story.

1578
01:09:03,080 --> 01:09:05,759
Speaker 6: When I was doing we were doing before we started

1579
01:09:05,800 --> 01:09:07,840
Speaker 6: doing retreats, we were doing day events, and so we

1580
01:09:07,880 --> 01:09:10,720
Speaker 6: had this day event. It was like one hundred black

1581
01:09:10,760 --> 01:09:13,880
Speaker 6: women in this beautiful chapel we rented out and they

1582
01:09:13,960 --> 01:09:16,800
Speaker 6: were doing yoga and all these things, and this lady

1583
01:09:16,920 --> 01:09:19,240
Speaker 6: just walks in and she's like, what is this? What

1584
01:09:19,640 --> 01:09:22,599
Speaker 6: are you doing here? This is amazing. She's like, in la,

1585
01:09:23,080 --> 01:09:25,519
Speaker 6: I don't see this many black women together or whatever

1586
01:09:25,560 --> 01:09:27,880
Speaker 6: she was saying. I was like, really okay, and so

1587
01:09:27,920 --> 01:09:30,000
Speaker 6: she's like, get my card. We got to work together.

1588
01:09:30,120 --> 01:09:31,760
Speaker 6: And so she was like, have you ever thought about

1589
01:09:31,800 --> 01:09:36,200
Speaker 6: doing retreats? I'm like that sounds cool, let's go. Okay.

1590
01:09:36,400 --> 01:09:38,600
Speaker 6: She's like, want to co produce one. I'm like absolutely.

1591
01:09:39,120 --> 01:09:40,840
Speaker 6: So she's like all right, I got the venue. There's

1592
01:09:40,840 --> 01:09:44,280
Speaker 6: this place to have a good connection with everything. I'm like, okay, great,

1593
01:09:44,640 --> 01:09:46,320
Speaker 6: and she's like, oh, but just so you know, it's

1594
01:09:46,360 --> 01:09:50,439
Speaker 6: clothing optional. I'm like, how that gold work. I'm like,

1595
01:09:50,560 --> 01:09:52,559
Speaker 6: let me think about that. I was like, that actually

1596
01:09:52,600 --> 01:09:53,680
Speaker 6: goes with the theme, like.

1597
01:09:53,600 --> 01:09:55,479
Speaker 4: Our retreats are definitely clothing optional.

1598
01:09:55,640 --> 01:09:58,080
Speaker 6: I was like, you know, women accepting themselves being safe,

1599
01:09:58,200 --> 01:10:00,160
Speaker 6: and since our retreats are just women, I'm like this

1600
01:10:00,200 --> 01:10:04,439
Speaker 6: could be great. All right, wonderful. I'm going down we're planning.

1601
01:10:04,479 --> 01:10:08,280
Speaker 6: We sold out the retreat and everything. And then Tasha

1602
01:10:08,360 --> 01:10:09,960
Speaker 6: is my collaboration, She's my best friend and she works

1603
01:10:09,960 --> 01:10:12,400
Speaker 6: at me too. She said, Sheila, this is not only

1604
01:10:12,439 --> 01:10:16,040
Speaker 6: clothing option, this is a swinger's resar. I was like,

1605
01:10:16,080 --> 01:10:20,200
Speaker 6: what excuse me? I got all these women coming here,

1606
01:10:20,439 --> 01:10:22,760
Speaker 6: and then I'm like, what if they're offended? Oh my god,

1607
01:10:22,760 --> 01:10:23,559
Speaker 6: are they gonna be safe?

1608
01:10:23,560 --> 01:10:23,960
Speaker 4: Oh my god.

1609
01:10:24,000 --> 01:10:26,479
Speaker 6: I was so worried about the group. It turned out

1610
01:10:26,520 --> 01:10:34,280
Speaker 6: to be it was Heito so where Yeah, And it

1611
01:10:34,479 --> 01:10:37,360
Speaker 6: actually was the best retreat I have ever done to

1612
01:10:37,400 --> 01:10:37,760
Speaker 6: this day.

1613
01:10:37,760 --> 01:10:39,040
Speaker 4: Wait, were there are other people there?

1614
01:10:39,479 --> 01:10:42,479
Speaker 6: Other? Yes, but we took over, like they took over

1615
01:10:42,560 --> 01:10:46,679
Speaker 6: the whole It was mainly us. There were and oh.

1616
01:10:46,920 --> 01:10:49,880
Speaker 6: At the same time, it actually was like divine for

1617
01:10:49,960 --> 01:10:52,200
Speaker 6: the girls because at the same time they had like

1618
01:10:52,240 --> 01:10:56,640
Speaker 6: some type of calendar competition thing that had like a

1619
01:10:56,680 --> 01:10:58,920
Speaker 6: bunch of single men and a bunch of single women

1620
01:10:59,040 --> 01:11:02,080
Speaker 6: like competing. So every night we like watch their show.

1621
01:11:02,120 --> 01:11:03,960
Speaker 6: And then there was a bunch of guys there. I

1622
01:11:03,960 --> 01:11:06,120
Speaker 6: don't know what went on because I was like the

1623
01:11:06,160 --> 01:11:08,519
Speaker 6: mom or the field trip leader. They don't tell me anything.

1624
01:11:08,640 --> 01:11:11,679
Speaker 3: You're just hanging out.

1625
01:11:12,040 --> 01:11:14,080
Speaker 6: The most fun thing that was happening. The first night,

1626
01:11:14,080 --> 01:11:15,880
Speaker 6: we were like, okay, so we're all going to the pool,

1627
01:11:15,920 --> 01:11:18,200
Speaker 6: like it's again. We want to be very mindful. I'm

1628
01:11:18,320 --> 01:11:21,720
Speaker 6: very very overprotective over women that come to retreat to

1629
01:11:21,760 --> 01:11:23,519
Speaker 6: me because I feel like that's a big deal. You

1630
01:11:23,560 --> 01:11:24,920
Speaker 6: know a lot of women are coming down their comfort

1631
01:11:25,040 --> 01:11:27,760
Speaker 6: zone and everything. So I said, we're just going over

1632
01:11:27,840 --> 01:11:31,479
Speaker 6: to visit the clothing optional size as a group if

1633
01:11:31,520 --> 01:11:33,160
Speaker 6: you want to come, Da da da, And like the

1634
01:11:33,200 --> 01:11:36,400
Speaker 6: whole the whole group, maybe only two people didn't go.

1635
01:11:36,479 --> 01:11:37,559
Speaker 4: They're like, well, we came this far.

1636
01:11:37,720 --> 01:11:39,720
Speaker 2: Share got back.

1637
01:11:39,800 --> 01:11:44,160
Speaker 6: Yeah, one hundred black women just naked, Like oh, like

1638
01:11:44,240 --> 01:11:45,439
Speaker 6: is that your c section scar?

1639
01:11:46,240 --> 01:11:48,760
Speaker 4: It was one hundred women YEAHO, And you didn't know.

1640
01:11:48,760 --> 01:11:52,479
Speaker 6: It was like I kind of underestimated. I thought it

1641
01:11:52,520 --> 01:11:55,320
Speaker 6: was just like like you can be on the beach

1642
01:11:56,160 --> 01:11:58,960
Speaker 6: clothing optional if you want, And then it was like, oh,

1643
01:11:58,960 --> 01:12:01,720
Speaker 6: it's a little bit more than that. But it was.

1644
01:12:01,800 --> 01:12:04,439
Speaker 6: It was such a fun retreat. It was so freeing.

1645
01:12:04,760 --> 01:12:07,520
Speaker 6: If I could do, I want to do more nude retreats.

1646
01:12:07,560 --> 01:12:10,639
Speaker 6: But I just feel like social media came a long

1647
01:12:10,680 --> 01:12:13,840
Speaker 6: way since then, and there's like everybody's recording all the time,

1648
01:12:14,280 --> 01:12:16,080
Speaker 6: even when you think you're not. Do you guys worry

1649
01:12:16,080 --> 01:12:16,479
Speaker 6: about that?

1650
01:12:16,520 --> 01:12:17,200
Speaker 2: We do know.

1651
01:12:17,320 --> 01:12:21,639
Speaker 5: Our retreats are typically at private places, like we take

1652
01:12:21,640 --> 01:12:25,240
Speaker 5: over the whole ship, so there's there's nobody there.

1653
01:12:25,360 --> 01:12:28,160
Speaker 3: But I mean we'll have We've had conversations like, hey, like,

1654
01:12:28,520 --> 01:12:31,559
Speaker 3: don't post anybody in any way that you wouldn't want

1655
01:12:31,560 --> 01:12:33,679
Speaker 3: to be posting, even if you would, like bitch, don't

1656
01:12:33,680 --> 01:12:34,560
Speaker 3: post anybody.

1657
01:12:34,320 --> 01:12:37,000
Speaker 6: Nick even that, just to be out of the guys

1658
01:12:37,240 --> 01:12:40,840
Speaker 6: like or under the gaze all the time and nobody's watching.

1659
01:12:42,080 --> 01:12:44,360
Speaker 6: Like it was. It was dope. I actually want to produce.

1660
01:12:44,680 --> 01:12:47,360
Speaker 6: If you produce nude retreats, I want to produce another one.

1661
01:12:47,479 --> 01:12:49,160
Speaker 3: Yeah, I mean, And the thing is we never we

1662
01:12:49,320 --> 01:12:51,320
Speaker 3: never advertise it that way, but when we get there,

1663
01:12:51,360 --> 01:12:54,439
Speaker 3: I'm like, and my titties will be out.

1664
01:12:56,280 --> 01:12:58,400
Speaker 6: We had like tontrare workshop and everything.

1665
01:12:58,439 --> 01:13:02,240
Speaker 4: It was so at the heat of treat retreat, I'm like,

1666
01:13:02,640 --> 01:13:06,040
Speaker 4: I want to go. We hired the dance tree, this

1667
01:13:06,240 --> 01:13:07,280
Speaker 4: plast Jamaica retreat.

1668
01:13:07,320 --> 01:13:09,680
Speaker 3: We hired to we have like sexy men greet the

1669
01:13:09,680 --> 01:13:11,520
Speaker 3: women with joints and drinks.

1670
01:13:11,240 --> 01:13:15,479
Speaker 4: So oiled up, you know, because what else. It's a

1671
01:13:15,479 --> 01:13:16,240
Speaker 4: good vibes thing.

1672
01:13:17,080 --> 01:13:19,360
Speaker 3: And these guys that we found, they're like, we can

1673
01:13:19,360 --> 01:13:21,720
Speaker 3: come back because we have some dance moves, because yeah,

1674
01:13:21,720 --> 01:13:22,639
Speaker 3: we do this, we're from Heato.

1675
01:13:22,680 --> 01:13:24,200
Speaker 4: I'm like, makes so much more sense.

1676
01:13:24,240 --> 01:13:25,840
Speaker 2: And the way they were dancing like.

1677
01:13:29,600 --> 01:13:30,679
Speaker 4: That was the actual move.

1678
01:13:33,800 --> 01:13:35,560
Speaker 2: God sits your ass.

1679
01:13:35,320 --> 01:13:37,400
Speaker 4: Down somewhere, but not.

1680
01:13:37,680 --> 01:13:40,720
Speaker 3: Yeah, I think people underestimate, Like I always say this, like,

1681
01:13:40,840 --> 01:13:46,519
Speaker 3: nudity is definitely a like being unclothed is always like

1682
01:13:46,640 --> 01:13:50,240
Speaker 3: a like I don't know how to say, like it

1683
01:13:50,240 --> 01:13:53,960
Speaker 3: it represents how naked you can get in like truly

1684
01:13:54,080 --> 01:13:56,360
Speaker 3: with yourself, how vulnerable you could be. Like we're so

1685
01:13:56,439 --> 01:13:58,360
Speaker 3: used to being clothed, we're so used to wearing avatars,

1686
01:13:58,880 --> 01:14:01,680
Speaker 3: like showing up a certain but you're naked, You're just

1687
01:14:01,760 --> 01:14:02,240
Speaker 3: out here.

1688
01:14:02,360 --> 01:14:04,440
Speaker 4: So it's like it does require.

1689
01:14:04,080 --> 01:14:07,360
Speaker 3: A certain amount of like it's healing, vulnerabile, it is healing,

1690
01:14:07,360 --> 01:14:09,080
Speaker 3: it's super he just in your skin.

1691
01:14:09,120 --> 01:14:10,120
Speaker 2: Just going skinny dipping.

1692
01:14:10,160 --> 01:14:12,040
Speaker 5: I mean, so many of the women in our I've

1693
01:14:12,080 --> 01:14:15,040
Speaker 5: seen like the evolution of their nudity throughout like the

1694
01:14:15,080 --> 01:14:17,840
Speaker 5: Seven Day Retreat where it's like okay, like she's like

1695
01:14:17,920 --> 01:14:19,599
Speaker 5: wearing a bathing suit for the first time.

1696
01:14:20,320 --> 01:14:21,240
Speaker 4: Okay, like she.

1697
01:14:21,360 --> 01:14:24,360
Speaker 5: Took her top off for five minutes and then like

1698
01:14:24,439 --> 01:14:26,800
Speaker 5: day three, okay, she's about as naked at the pool

1699
01:14:27,520 --> 01:14:30,519
Speaker 5: all right. Day four now she's working by the kitchen.

1700
01:14:32,200 --> 01:14:34,800
Speaker 5: Now she's eating a full meal nude. Okay, we've all

1701
01:14:34,840 --> 01:14:37,400
Speaker 5: we've like this the evolution and then like there's just

1702
01:14:37,680 --> 01:14:38,120
Speaker 5: it does it?

1703
01:14:38,120 --> 01:14:40,920
Speaker 2: There's like this freeing, this freeing.

1704
01:14:41,120 --> 01:14:44,080
Speaker 6: Have you lived? You have not lived unless to me

1705
01:14:44,200 --> 01:14:47,719
Speaker 6: you just been but booty naked eating some what's the fry?

1706
01:14:47,800 --> 01:14:52,280
Speaker 6: Don't make Jamaica festival? It is amazing.

1707
01:14:52,320 --> 01:14:56,360
Speaker 3: I recommend it was just naked eating the festival or

1708
01:14:56,360 --> 01:14:57,120
Speaker 3: it was our gasmic.

1709
01:14:57,479 --> 01:14:58,440
Speaker 6: It's amazing.

1710
01:15:01,160 --> 01:15:02,040
Speaker 4: Do we need to do a clap?

1711
01:15:02,040 --> 01:15:05,840
Speaker 3: I might have to go back to Heito, bitch. Really,

1712
01:15:06,240 --> 01:15:08,280
Speaker 3: I tried to buy a day pass. They don't have those,

1713
01:15:08,400 --> 01:15:11,000
Speaker 3: so no, I still haven't gone. So one of these

1714
01:15:11,080 --> 01:15:13,040
Speaker 3: days I'm going to Heato, even.

1715
01:15:12,800 --> 01:15:15,120
Speaker 6: Though I feel like it depends on who's there. Yeah,

1716
01:15:15,120 --> 01:15:18,600
Speaker 6: whoever's there makes the whole experience.

1717
01:15:18,920 --> 01:15:20,880
Speaker 3: If anyone has a heat a hook up, call me

1718
01:15:21,360 --> 01:15:24,880
Speaker 3: Mandy oh right right, right, of course she does hosts

1719
01:15:24,920 --> 01:15:26,240
Speaker 3: me all the hook.

1720
01:15:26,880 --> 01:15:28,680
Speaker 2: Out to Mandy b We love her, we do.

1721
01:15:29,200 --> 01:15:30,519
Speaker 4: Yeah.

1722
01:15:30,720 --> 01:15:33,440
Speaker 2: Okay, so where can we get your book.

1723
01:15:34,479 --> 01:15:37,760
Speaker 6: You can find my book everywhere books are sold. It's

1724
01:15:37,840 --> 01:15:41,639
Speaker 6: called Unruly And you can follow me on Instagram at

1725
01:15:41,680 --> 01:15:44,879
Speaker 6: the Sila Marie. I'm on TikTok at the Sila Marie

1726
01:15:45,160 --> 01:15:46,799
Speaker 6: and you can buy me a Sela Marie.

1727
01:15:46,560 --> 01:15:50,599
Speaker 4: Dot com beautiful. Yeah, thank you so much for coming

1728
01:15:50,680 --> 01:15:52,519
Speaker 4: to thank chat with us.

1729
01:15:53,000 --> 01:15:55,400
Speaker 6: And I hope you guys get some rest after tomorrow.

1730
01:15:56,200 --> 01:15:58,280
Speaker 4: Definitely will definitely it's a must.

1731
01:15:58,560 --> 01:16:00,880
Speaker 6: Okay, get some rest and you y'.

1732
01:16:00,920 --> 01:16:02,519
Speaker 5: And y'all know where to find us at Good Mom's

1733
01:16:02,600 --> 01:16:06,080
Speaker 5: Underscore Bad Choices on Instagram. Make sure you subscribe to

1734
01:16:06,120 --> 01:16:08,240
Speaker 5: our podcast wherever you listen to podcasts, and if you

1735
01:16:09,000 --> 01:16:11,400
Speaker 5: are on YouTube, subscribe to our YouTube channel and check

1736
01:16:11,400 --> 01:16:13,760
Speaker 5: out our retreat, the Good Vibe Retreat. We have a

1737
01:16:13,800 --> 01:16:15,120
Speaker 5: couple's retreat coming up in June.

1738
01:16:15,160 --> 01:16:16,600
Speaker 2: We have a few spots left. So if you have

1739
01:16:16,600 --> 01:16:18,920
Speaker 2: a lover, whether it's a new.

1740
01:16:18,840 --> 01:16:21,559
Speaker 5: Relationship that you know you're trying to build the foundation,

1741
01:16:21,600 --> 01:16:23,880
Speaker 5: this is a beautiful place to really, you know, find

1742
01:16:23,920 --> 01:16:27,439
Speaker 5: your on your non negotiables, build your contracts with your lover,

1743
01:16:27,640 --> 01:16:30,640
Speaker 5: do sexy things, or maybe you're deep deep into your

1744
01:16:30,640 --> 01:16:33,080
Speaker 5: relationship and you need a little you spice it up,

1745
01:16:33,120 --> 01:16:33,840
Speaker 5: reignite it.

1746
01:16:34,200 --> 01:16:36,639
Speaker 2: Come join us in Costa Rica in June.

1747
01:16:36,960 --> 01:16:38,479
Speaker 5: And then if you're like I don't have a lover,

1748
01:16:38,640 --> 01:16:40,200
Speaker 5: I just got me and I need to work on me,

1749
01:16:40,320 --> 01:16:43,120
Speaker 5: then come to our women's retreat in Costa Rica in

1750
01:16:43,240 --> 01:16:46,080
Speaker 5: July and August. We have two dates and those retreats

1751
01:16:46,080 --> 01:16:47,800
Speaker 5: are almost sold out, so make sure you check it

1752
01:16:47,800 --> 01:16:49,440
Speaker 5: out at the Good Vibe Retreat.

1753
01:16:50,400 --> 01:16:53,559
Speaker 4: And I love you, love you, thank you for joining us.

1754
01:16:54,000 --> 01:16:59,920
Speaker 7: HI say, yeah, I'm living it so good, can't you sound?

1755
01:17:00,280 --> 01:17:01,320
Speaker 7: I went through a drought.

1756
01:17:01,360 --> 01:17:03,320
Speaker 6: That's until I found out, Well may my have been

1757
01:17:03,360 --> 01:17:03,840
Speaker 6: known earth.

1758
01:17:03,960 --> 01:17:05,840
Speaker 7: I used to be broke as hell, Now got the

1759
01:17:05,880 --> 01:17:09,200
Speaker 7: blues in incer like Beyonce Jasell throat shot or Pop

1760
01:17:09,240 --> 01:17:11,840
Speaker 7: in his car wearing our voices. Patriarch get kept it

1761
01:17:11,880 --> 01:17:14,280
Speaker 7: in the box to exploit its women put the pee

1762
01:17:14,400 --> 01:17:16,920
Speaker 7: in power. So it's pointingss. They want me to be good,

1763
01:17:16,960 --> 01:17:18,479
Speaker 7: So I made bad choices.

1764
01:17:18,600 --> 01:17:19,160
Speaker 2: Bad mom.

1765
01:17:19,280 --> 01:17:21,720
Speaker 6: Not a bad mom, but a bad mom. Fitter's in

1766
01:17:21,880 --> 01:17:23,000
Speaker 6: on thet Cannabis in.

1767
01:17:23,040 --> 01:17:25,720
Speaker 7: Their bathbone walked in bossus cap and I blew his

1768
01:17:25,840 --> 01:17:27,000
Speaker 7: cat ball hot dog.

1769
01:17:27,120 --> 01:17:28,160
Speaker 6: Now I'm immune to.

1770
01:17:28,200 --> 01:17:30,640
Speaker 7: The cat called Herbie and the waisted straight to it

1771
01:17:30,800 --> 01:17:31,599
Speaker 7: like a dollar sign.

1772
01:17:31,680 --> 01:17:32,519
Speaker 4: Mother, rent the number.

1773
01:17:32,560 --> 01:17:34,559
Speaker 7: When two, it looks like a water summer where you're

1774
01:17:34,560 --> 01:17:36,800
Speaker 7: rent the winter essential will when the summertime.

1775
01:17:37,000 --> 01:17:38,720
Speaker 6: I do what doll ain't know when I need to

1776
01:17:38,840 --> 01:17:39,320
Speaker 6: run it by