Speaker 1: You're listening to Comedy Central. Wow. All right, So we
Speaker 1: are here in New York City and today was one
Speaker 1: for the history books because when today begain, we were
Speaker 1: preparing for the craziest day in New York since the
Speaker 1: state Pus marshmallow Man came to town and busted a
Speaker 1: nut on the whole city. That wasn't Marshmallows. But today
Speaker 1: was even crazier because today was Trump Arrangement. Day was
Speaker 1: breaking years in a remarkable chapter of American history. For
Speaker 1: the first time, a former president faced a judge in
Speaker 1: a criminal courtroom on charges he broke the law. And
Speaker 1: it happened right here in New York City. Former President
Speaker 1: Trump pleads not guilty to thirty four counts of falsifying
Speaker 1: business records related to hush money payments. The photograph is
Speaker 1: stark and historic as we look at it. Donald Trump,
Speaker 1: that's a man who looks like a defendant, you know,
Speaker 1: the former president. I've seen that face not many times.
Speaker 1: He's he looks somber. Look at you, Look at your ass.
Speaker 1: Now they got your ass ain't So it's a tough crying.
Speaker 1: You spent all that money talking shit about the judge.
Speaker 1: You talk shit about the da or I'm ana marching
Speaker 1: the courtroom and I'm gonna t shut your ass. Look
Speaker 1: at look at how sad Trump looks. My man looked
Speaker 1: like somebody told him his dog diater that Mike Pence
Speaker 1: is still alive. And you can talk all the shit
Speaker 1: you won't, but I'm telling your baby to moment you
Speaker 1: in that courtroom, that ship get real. Trump's sitting there.
Speaker 1: Trump's sitting there like, wow, y'all really gonna do this
Speaker 1: to the and he alone. Ain't none of your boys
Speaker 1: around no more. You gave them all pardons and everybody. No,
Speaker 1: you don't pardon all your partners. You gotta leave one
Speaker 1: in jails. He has somebody to talk to. And on
Speaker 1: top of all that, this this no, Trump did something.
Speaker 1: I don't know what the guilty of, but he did something.
Speaker 1: Look at that outfit first day of court. Here in
Speaker 1: a suit that don't even fit. Why would you do
Speaker 1: that when if Paltrow showed you the cheat cold boy,
Speaker 1: you got the dress like you don't give them You
Speaker 1: got to dress for court like you on your way
Speaker 1: to someone else. Look at Gwyneth Paltrow. You can't convict me.
Speaker 1: These glasses are quart the as CARDI is that how
Speaker 1: you say it? I don't know. I can't afford nice glasses. So,
Speaker 1: as you can imagine, it was a crazy day in
Speaker 1: New York and the city was ready for anything. Barricades
Speaker 1: were laid out, every police officer was on duty. Even
Speaker 1: Mayor Eric Adams said he might not go to the
Speaker 1: club tonight just in case y'all meet him, because you
Speaker 1: know he'd be in the club. He got to keep
Speaker 1: the phone on vibrate, but call him twice so you
Speaker 1: know it's an emergency, and the I get the NYPD.
Speaker 1: The NYPD this, they were right to set up all
Speaker 1: the bearcades. Trump supporters swarmed downtown Manhattan and filled the
Speaker 1: streets with red, white, and blue. It was like a
Speaker 1: Puerto Rican Day parade for people who want to deport
Speaker 1: Puerto Ricans. And to the police's credit, to the police's credit,
Speaker 1: to their credit, they handled it perfectly. They kept everybody
Speaker 1: on both sides, far enough apart so nobody got hurt,
Speaker 1: but close enough so they could still roast the shit
Speaker 1: out of each other. I yes, yes, the classics. No.
Speaker 1: Nothing in an argument faster than ayo, Mama, It hit
Speaker 1: like a ship. Mama. You lose I no matter what
Speaker 1: you said, Donald Trump is a political prisoner, unfairly talking
Speaker 1: about amal justice your mama, BITCHR. That's how I'd hit you.
Speaker 1: You bleed out your O. But it was a crazy
Speaker 1: scene downtown as Wow. And one of the people making
Speaker 1: it crazy was Marjorie Taylor Green. Marjory Taylor Green, MPTG.
Speaker 1: Swung down to the courthouse double parking broomstick and took part,
Speaker 1: took part in the festivities, and today she offered a
Speaker 1: defense of the President that I've never heard before. President
Speaker 1: Trump is joining some of the most incredible people in
Speaker 1: history being arrested today. Um Nelson Mandela was arrested, served
Speaker 1: time in prison. Jesus, Jesus was arrested. Jesus, Jesus. That's
Speaker 1: what I'm thinking too, Like Jesus, what the hell is
Speaker 1: wrong with this lady? How you how are you going
Speaker 1: to compare Donald Trump to Jesus. First of all, Jesus
Speaker 1: walked on moreter. Donald Trump could barely walk on land. Now,
Speaker 1: the crazy thing about all of this today is that
Speaker 1: Donald Trump didn't even have to come to New York.
Speaker 1: He could have done the whole arraignment at the crib
Speaker 1: because apparently they gave him the option to be arraigned
Speaker 1: over zoom, you know, like Nelson, Mandela and Jesus. But
Speaker 1: I get it. I completely get why Trump didn't do
Speaker 1: it over zoom. One, he'd got on Cameron able to
Speaker 1: just found more classified documents in the background. Two, Trump
Speaker 1: wants publicity looking how he came out of Trump Tier
Speaker 1: this morning, given the black power fist, like a real
Speaker 1: political prisoner. He lives the ship like this held Trump
Speaker 1: labble to show up the court every day, dancing on
Speaker 1: top of a car like Michael Jackson out that docket.
Speaker 1: In the media, man, the media what they do, They
Speaker 1: play right along with it, given us wall to wall
Speaker 1: coverage even when there was absolutely nothing to talk about.
Speaker 1: I will turn to you and show you He'll be
Speaker 1: coming out the side door of Trump Tower there, so
Speaker 1: there is a sense of anticipation that his movement is coming.
Speaker 1: You can see some of the traffic heading northbound there.
Speaker 1: And I'm not sure. I'm not sure. I can't remember
Speaker 1: off the top of my head. Off Fifth Avenue is
Speaker 1: one way north thank to the south, so that's not
Speaker 1: Fifth Avenue. I checked ways just before we came in
Speaker 1: and showed that that was the fastest route we expect
Speaker 1: him to enter through us. And I think that was
Speaker 1: just Sam, John and Jillian. Did you guys just see
Speaker 1: the former president walked out? Or is that just me?
Speaker 1: It's Donald Trump right there. I'm sorry, we just saw
Speaker 1: Donald Trump over hearing some radio traffic here at any moment. Now,
Speaker 1: see the former president walked through those doors. So there
Speaker 1: are many doors into the courtroom. And it's not just
Speaker 1: this one door. There are side doors and there's a backdoor.
Speaker 1: Photographer Reverend Shamrock Laser focused on that front door and
Speaker 1: many hallways that lead to each door. If he does
Speaker 1: go through those doors, he will come by the camera.
Speaker 1: The judge comes in a different door, a jury comes
Speaker 1: in even another door. A defendant who's incarcerated comes in
Speaker 1: a different door. The public comes in the main door.
Speaker 1: So there are many doors. Okay, okay, okay, So let
Speaker 1: me get this straight. You're telling me the courthouse has
Speaker 1: multiple doors, and different people come through different doors, and
Speaker 1: then those doors going neck the other doors, and then
Speaker 1: those all the doors. Hey man, I'm learning so much
Speaker 1: about the legal system. Thank you Cable News. Now the
Speaker 1: doors building's got doors and ship he learned stuff. Now
Speaker 1: here's what bothered me about today. I'll say this, Donald
Speaker 1: Trump deserves a fair trial, but I also want Trump
Speaker 1: to get the full American criminal justice experience, which is
Speaker 1: not what happened today. My man got to schedule his
Speaker 1: visit to the courthouse like Heat the cable man. Trump
Speaker 1: called the corter, Hey, listen, not be down to the
Speaker 1: jail twesday between ten and two. Just make sure you
Speaker 1: get that. Then once Trump got there, there were no handcuffs,
Speaker 1: there were no mug shots, there were no purp walks.
Speaker 1: Well for Trump, it would be a purp waddle. But
Speaker 1: you understand, you know that doesn't make the point. My
Speaker 1: point is I'm disappointed because today shows you how humane
Speaker 1: our courts could be. So many people get dragged into
Speaker 1: this legal system, and it's humiliating. You get handcuffed, you
Speaker 1: get golf that, you wait days sometimes months for an arrayment,
Speaker 1: and then you go into a building through one of
Speaker 1: those minute doors. You get to a room. They strip
Speaker 1: you naked, they spread your ass cheeks, They make you
Speaker 1: cough twice, which I never understood the second cough, but
Speaker 1: the first cough. I get. One cough is enough to
Speaker 1: know whether or not I got drugs in my booty.
Speaker 1: The second coffer is for you. That's wrong? Am I
Speaker 1: sharing too much? What y'all? Right? Now? I thought this
Speaker 1: was I thought I could open up to y'all. Apparently not.
Speaker 1: My point is for the sake of this country. I
Speaker 1: hope that Donald Trump gets a swift trial. But that
Speaker 1: doesn't mean he should get to use the TSA pre
Speaker 1: check lane. But here's the good news. The New York
Speaker 1: investigation is just one of many into the former president,
Speaker 1: so we'll have plenty of other opportunities to get him
Speaker 1: arrested correctly. So Georgia got plintial opportunities. So State of Georgia,
Speaker 1: if you're listening, when you're finally getting Donald Trump in
Speaker 1: your courtroom, make sure he calls twice. Yeah, thank you
Speaker 1: for clatinum for that man. You know that was good.
Speaker 1: But you know, I just I don't know if that's
Speaker 1: good enough to go viral. I'm trying to go viral
Speaker 1: this week. You know, it's a lot of pressure as
Speaker 1: guest host. You know, you got to be funny, you
Speaker 1: gotta be satirical, you gotta be powerful, you gotta you gotta,
Speaker 1: you know, you to go viol And I don't know
Speaker 1: what to do. I wish I just wish I had
Speaker 1: somebody that I could talk to, the god mero some
Speaker 1: of this stuff, Man Rod, use the false Roy? Who
Speaker 1: that Roy? Use that use the false the ghost man
Speaker 1: who that Roy use the false? Use the use the
Speaker 1: false Roy Bro Roy just ve m Okay, I know you,
Speaker 1: I know you, I know you do I know him.
Speaker 1: I know you, I knew, I knew your ass. Your
Speaker 1: older one Canobi. I'm John. I'm John Stewart. I used
Speaker 1: to work here when the budget wasn't as big back.
Speaker 1: You know I actually I actually hosted a program. To
Speaker 1: be honest, The Daily Show had a white house. Why
Speaker 1: are you dressed like obi Wan Kenobi? I like to
Speaker 1: be comfortable. Okay. By the point is this Donald Trump
Speaker 1: doesn't differ only one Cannobie. What does that make me?
Speaker 1: Because if you're Obi Wan, that make me look Skywalker.
Speaker 1: I don't want to be look Skywalker. Why wouldn't you
Speaker 1: want to be Skywalker? Look Skywalker kicks his sister. I
Speaker 1: want to be Han Solo instead. Han Solo's badass. Han
Speaker 1: Solo was cool, he had the ship. You can beat Chewbacca.
Speaker 1: Why would I Bonda being like a wolf ape that
Speaker 1: doesn't make it. Look I think it would make more
Speaker 1: sense if I were the y sage who mentors the
Speaker 1: young host and not the wolf ape. Also, I cannot
Speaker 1: return this robe. What happened was the events that took
Speaker 1: place in this. But if you're Obi Wan, if you're
Speaker 1: Obi Wan and I'm Luken, does that mean my dad
Speaker 1: is Vader? Because if my dad is Doarth Vader, does
Speaker 1: that mean Donald Trump is my dad? Why I'm trying
Speaker 1: to find I'm trying. I know that, Roy, Why would
Speaker 1: Donald Trump be your father? Because if I'm Luke and
Speaker 1: Trump is Vader, that means Trump killed you. What? Fine,
Speaker 1: you're Han Solo, I'm baby Yoda. Fine. The point is
Speaker 1: why didn't you be regularly about what I should have
Speaker 1: come when Silberman was here? But Tilman listen, Okay, although, okay,
Speaker 1: how about this? How about because I'm gonna go along
Speaker 1: with I'm wanna go along with you on this. Okay,
Speaker 1: how about you be Yoda because you're all hobbled and
Speaker 1: green and shit, and I'll be Lando. I'll do his reasons.
Speaker 1: I can be Lando. You know? Is this a trap? Yeah?
Speaker 1: Because you're you both have a mustache. You must sign
Speaker 1: a chance. Yes, my point is this Royan thank you
Speaker 1: for having me on the program. The thing about and
Speaker 1: you're doing a fabulous shot by the brother. The thing
Speaker 1: about this historic indictment is that American judas time, thank
Speaker 1: you so much? Do I mean John School, John School
Speaker 1: and everybody. Explore more shows from the Daily Show podcast
Speaker 1: universe by searching The Daily Show wherever you get your podcasts.
Speaker 1: Watch The Daily Show weeknights at eleven tenth Central on
Speaker 1: Comedy Central, and stream full episodes anytime on Fairmount Plus.
Speaker 1: This has been a Comedy Central podcast