1 00:00:00,160 --> 00:00:02,360 Speaker 1: Hey, this is Sam, this is John, and we are 2 00:00:02,440 --> 00:00:05,960 Speaker 1: the founding hosts of Okay Storytime Podcasts. 3 00:00:05,559 --> 00:00:08,360 Speaker 2: And we have some foundational stories coming up for you. 4 00:00:08,480 --> 00:00:11,320 Speaker 1: But the thing is this foundation needs a little support 5 00:00:11,480 --> 00:00:14,640 Speaker 1: from these sponsors. So stick around two minutes and we'll 6 00:00:14,640 --> 00:00:16,439 Speaker 1: get into the episode. 7 00:00:16,480 --> 00:00:20,040 Speaker 3: My brother hacked me, and my parents sided with him. 8 00:00:20,239 --> 00:00:22,079 Speaker 2: He's hacking into the mainframe. 9 00:00:23,239 --> 00:00:25,360 Speaker 3: I'm in my second year of undergrad at a state 10 00:00:25,440 --> 00:00:28,360 Speaker 3: university in California, and I'm having an issue with my brother, 11 00:00:28,400 --> 00:00:31,040 Speaker 3: who is in his late twenties and a computer engineer. 12 00:00:31,360 --> 00:00:33,600 Speaker 3: This is relevant to my issue. As a side note, 13 00:00:33,600 --> 00:00:36,839 Speaker 3: I know very little about computers other than basic googling skills. 14 00:00:37,000 --> 00:00:39,239 Speaker 3: By the way, this comes from difficult path And if 15 00:00:39,240 --> 00:00:40,760 Speaker 3: you want to submit your own stories, go to the 16 00:00:40,840 --> 00:00:43,920 Speaker 3: r slash Okay Storytime. Separate it and I'm Angie. 17 00:00:43,440 --> 00:00:45,320 Speaker 2: I'm Carly, and we're here to give. 18 00:00:45,159 --> 00:00:48,159 Speaker 3: Good advice goofully, But we don't have all the answers. 19 00:00:48,200 --> 00:00:49,800 Speaker 3: We just know what we would do in this situation. 20 00:00:49,880 --> 00:00:51,559 Speaker 3: But let us know what you would do in the comments. 21 00:00:51,640 --> 00:00:55,520 Speaker 3: So Opie says, my brother is a very type a person, 22 00:00:55,800 --> 00:00:59,080 Speaker 3: very perfectionist and hard working, often to the detriment of 23 00:00:59,160 --> 00:01:02,120 Speaker 3: himself and others. He is a nice and positive person 24 00:01:02,200 --> 00:01:04,560 Speaker 3: and is successful in the traditional sense, but he is 25 00:01:04,800 --> 00:01:08,199 Speaker 3: very controlling and has a bit of an overblown ego. 26 00:01:08,560 --> 00:01:10,800 Speaker 3: I'm a much more relaxed person, and the two of 27 00:01:10,880 --> 00:01:13,319 Speaker 3: us share very little in the way of interests or 28 00:01:13,440 --> 00:01:16,920 Speaker 3: guiding philosophies. I'm a visual arts major who likes to draw, 29 00:01:17,000 --> 00:01:18,760 Speaker 3: and he is the type of person who watched Fight 30 00:01:18,760 --> 00:01:21,800 Speaker 3: Club and thought that Tyler Dirdan was onto something. We 31 00:01:21,880 --> 00:01:25,160 Speaker 3: get along but have hostilities. My brother resents the fact 32 00:01:25,160 --> 00:01:26,960 Speaker 3: that I am not like him and that I don't 33 00:01:27,000 --> 00:01:28,959 Speaker 3: look up to him as a role model. He is 34 00:01:29,120 --> 00:01:32,400 Speaker 3: very fond of mocking my interests, hobbies, and career plans, 35 00:01:32,400 --> 00:01:35,320 Speaker 3: and he often talks literally about a quote plan for 36 00:01:35,480 --> 00:01:38,720 Speaker 3: me in which I changed my major to engineering and 37 00:01:38,760 --> 00:01:41,760 Speaker 3: start taking his advice. When he brings us up now 38 00:01:41,800 --> 00:01:44,360 Speaker 3: over the phone, I stopped talking to him for however 39 00:01:44,400 --> 00:01:46,880 Speaker 3: many days or weeks, until he apologizes and then we 40 00:01:46,920 --> 00:01:49,200 Speaker 3: do it all over again. Two weeks ago, my brother 41 00:01:49,320 --> 00:01:51,280 Speaker 3: made a joke referencing a piece of digital art that 42 00:01:51,320 --> 00:01:53,360 Speaker 3: I drew on my laptop. I didn't think anything of 43 00:01:53,400 --> 00:01:55,560 Speaker 3: it until I realized after the phone call ended that 44 00:01:55,600 --> 00:01:58,240 Speaker 3: I never posted that piece of art anywhere, not even 45 00:01:58,320 --> 00:02:02,200 Speaker 3: to any cloud service, only been available on my physical laptop. 46 00:02:02,520 --> 00:02:06,400 Speaker 3: I was nervous and downloaded malware bites, but I didn't 47 00:02:06,400 --> 00:02:09,280 Speaker 3: find anything. Thinking back, I also recalled my brother making 48 00:02:09,320 --> 00:02:11,120 Speaker 3: a joke about something that I said to a friend 49 00:02:11,200 --> 00:02:14,960 Speaker 3: privately on my discord, which also was not publicly available. 50 00:02:15,200 --> 00:02:17,800 Speaker 3: Checking Gmail and a few other websites I'm on that 51 00:02:17,880 --> 00:02:21,280 Speaker 3: showed options, I've discovered someone had been logging into my 52 00:02:21,320 --> 00:02:24,640 Speaker 3: accounts from an unfamiliar computer, and I'd been doing so 53 00:02:24,760 --> 00:02:27,320 Speaker 3: for about a week. I called my brother about this, 54 00:02:27,720 --> 00:02:30,240 Speaker 3: and he laughed and told me that he had remote 55 00:02:30,240 --> 00:02:33,240 Speaker 3: access to my computer and that he'd been checking up 56 00:02:33,280 --> 00:02:35,760 Speaker 3: on everything that I was doing from this point on. 57 00:02:36,240 --> 00:02:39,000 Speaker 3: I told him that that was ridiculous, and he basically 58 00:02:39,080 --> 00:02:42,200 Speaker 3: laughed and said that people today have no reasonable expectation 59 00:02:42,240 --> 00:02:45,639 Speaker 3: of privacy. Anyway, Without going into detail, I've basically discovered 60 00:02:45,680 --> 00:02:49,000 Speaker 3: that my brother literally has access to everything in my life, 61 00:02:49,160 --> 00:02:53,760 Speaker 3: my bank accounts, school account, my art and chat accounts, 62 00:02:53,960 --> 00:02:56,919 Speaker 3: all the files on my computer. He has even referenced 63 00:02:56,919 --> 00:02:58,960 Speaker 3: information that leads me to think that there is a 64 00:02:59,080 --> 00:03:01,640 Speaker 3: very good chance of him having a camera or microphone 65 00:03:01,720 --> 00:03:04,000 Speaker 3: in my room. He has been in my apartment in 66 00:03:04,000 --> 00:03:05,720 Speaker 3: the last month, and the only reason that I think 67 00:03:05,760 --> 00:03:07,640 Speaker 3: he might not is because I haven't been able to 68 00:03:07,639 --> 00:03:10,200 Speaker 3: find it. There is nothing on my computer or cloud 69 00:03:10,200 --> 00:03:13,400 Speaker 3: files or anything I'm even remotely embarrassed about. But the 70 00:03:13,440 --> 00:03:16,240 Speaker 3: idea that my brother has all my information is terrible 71 00:03:16,520 --> 00:03:19,119 Speaker 3: and I want him to stop. I don't feel comfortable 72 00:03:19,120 --> 00:03:22,160 Speaker 3: in my apartment or using my computer or personal accounts anymore. 73 00:03:22,360 --> 00:03:25,320 Speaker 3: I'm writing this for my school's library. Is there a 74 00:03:25,400 --> 00:03:27,800 Speaker 3: way to clearly show him that this is wrong with 75 00:03:27,840 --> 00:03:31,120 Speaker 3: an amount of force and guarantee of my privacy in 76 00:03:31,160 --> 00:03:34,680 Speaker 3: the future without getting him in serious trouble. My brother 77 00:03:34,760 --> 00:03:36,880 Speaker 3: is an idiot, and I am pissed at him for this, 78 00:03:37,120 --> 00:03:39,200 Speaker 3: especially in the way that he acts like a joke 79 00:03:39,520 --> 00:03:42,000 Speaker 3: or that he's doing it to mentor me, which he 80 00:03:42,120 --> 00:03:44,880 Speaker 3: keeps saying like He has called me knowing my class 81 00:03:44,920 --> 00:03:47,800 Speaker 3: schedule which I never told him, and reminded me to 82 00:03:47,840 --> 00:03:50,560 Speaker 3: go to classes, et cetera. But I don't think his 83 00:03:50,560 --> 00:03:52,480 Speaker 3: life should be ruined over this, even if he is 84 00:03:52,520 --> 00:03:55,680 Speaker 3: an a hole. He has also joked about dropping my classes, 85 00:03:55,680 --> 00:03:58,280 Speaker 3: which I got really pissed about, and he assured me 86 00:03:58,320 --> 00:04:00,920 Speaker 3: that it was a joke, but I still feel uncomfortable 87 00:04:00,920 --> 00:04:03,480 Speaker 3: to he'd even hint at that. Thanks, and we do 88 00:04:03,640 --> 00:04:06,000 Speaker 3: have an update without going into a lot of detail. 89 00:04:06,080 --> 00:04:07,600 Speaker 3: Based on some of the stuff that I read on 90 00:04:07,640 --> 00:04:09,800 Speaker 3: here in a conversation with a friend, I realized that 91 00:04:09,840 --> 00:04:11,640 Speaker 3: the way that I viewed the relationship with my brother 92 00:04:11,760 --> 00:04:14,080 Speaker 3: was incredibly messed up, and I decided to act more 93 00:04:14,080 --> 00:04:16,440 Speaker 3: seriously about this. I was thinking about how to proceed 94 00:04:16,520 --> 00:04:19,679 Speaker 3: last night while cleaning, and then I actually found a camera. 95 00:04:20,240 --> 00:04:22,200 Speaker 3: I know, I said I thought there was one before, 96 00:04:22,240 --> 00:04:25,120 Speaker 3: but I don't think that I really consciously did. I 97 00:04:25,200 --> 00:04:27,640 Speaker 3: have gone to the police station and for now have 98 00:04:27,720 --> 00:04:31,640 Speaker 3: an injunction against my brother, whoa I also reported the 99 00:04:31,640 --> 00:04:34,200 Speaker 3: computer hacking, along with texts and a phone message he 100 00:04:34,279 --> 00:04:37,360 Speaker 3: sent where he both alludes to and directly confirms it. 101 00:04:37,720 --> 00:04:39,960 Speaker 3: So I don't know what will happen, but I feel 102 00:04:40,000 --> 00:04:42,560 Speaker 3: a lot better having taken this step. I appreciate the 103 00:04:42,560 --> 00:04:43,520 Speaker 3: comments that people sent. 104 00:04:43,680 --> 00:04:44,559 Speaker 2: It helped a lot. 105 00:04:44,800 --> 00:04:47,840 Speaker 3: Thanks. We do have a second update from a week later. 106 00:04:48,320 --> 00:04:52,200 Speaker 3: Without exaggeration, this was probably the worst day of my life. 107 00:04:52,520 --> 00:04:55,440 Speaker 3: After getting served the injunction or a temporary restraining order 108 00:04:55,480 --> 00:04:58,679 Speaker 3: thing my brother. One told my parents, and two chose 109 00:04:58,760 --> 00:05:02,200 Speaker 3: to immediately violate. He left me several messages that were 110 00:05:02,240 --> 00:05:04,680 Speaker 3: essentially low key threatening to ruin my life, and I 111 00:05:04,760 --> 00:05:07,760 Speaker 3: was scared, so I reported it. He was taken to jail, 112 00:05:08,240 --> 00:05:10,600 Speaker 3: and my current understanding is going to get a type 113 00:05:10,600 --> 00:05:14,400 Speaker 3: of misdemeanor charge for it if he already hasn't. I mean, yeah, 114 00:05:14,440 --> 00:05:15,400 Speaker 3: I mean yeah, good. 115 00:05:15,680 --> 00:05:16,120 Speaker 2: Yeah. 116 00:05:16,400 --> 00:05:18,599 Speaker 3: Like the only thing that I think that maybe you 117 00:05:18,600 --> 00:05:20,919 Speaker 3: could have done differently is just like tell him ahead 118 00:05:20,920 --> 00:05:23,080 Speaker 3: of time, like, hey, I'm gonna do this if you. 119 00:05:23,360 --> 00:05:25,440 Speaker 2: But I already she kind of already had been like 120 00:05:25,720 --> 00:05:27,440 Speaker 2: stop it or there'll be consequences. 121 00:05:27,600 --> 00:05:30,800 Speaker 3: Yeah, totally. So it's like it probably wouldn't have helped 122 00:05:30,839 --> 00:05:33,200 Speaker 3: either way. And I mean if all of the pictures 123 00:05:33,200 --> 00:05:35,040 Speaker 3: and stuff are digital, then like he probably would have 124 00:05:35,080 --> 00:05:37,200 Speaker 3: found a way to delete them all the evidence, you know, 125 00:05:37,560 --> 00:05:39,520 Speaker 3: So I guess maybe that wouldn't have even been a 126 00:05:39,560 --> 00:05:39,920 Speaker 3: good idea. 127 00:05:40,080 --> 00:05:41,839 Speaker 2: Probably knew you were gonna go to the police anyway, 128 00:05:41,920 --> 00:05:45,200 Speaker 2: He probably googled it. He probably saw right, yeah, weirdo, 129 00:05:45,520 --> 00:05:48,320 Speaker 2: Oh my gosh, having a camera in a place where 130 00:05:48,360 --> 00:05:50,960 Speaker 2: it's op he's female, right, yeah, so she's changing in 131 00:05:50,960 --> 00:05:53,880 Speaker 2: front of that cad. Yeah. Yeah, she's like so I'm thinking, 132 00:05:54,440 --> 00:05:56,359 Speaker 2: I'm like, I know that you said there was nothing 133 00:05:56,400 --> 00:05:59,960 Speaker 2: bad on the uh the device that he had, Yeah, 134 00:06:00,320 --> 00:06:03,640 Speaker 2: what if there was? Like he went into it not 135 00:06:03,920 --> 00:06:06,800 Speaker 2: knowing what he was gonna find and then set up 136 00:06:06,839 --> 00:06:10,480 Speaker 2: a camera literally, so has for sure seen something at 137 00:06:10,480 --> 00:06:10,960 Speaker 2: this point? 138 00:06:11,000 --> 00:06:14,320 Speaker 3: Yes, it's it's like what that is so much further? 139 00:06:14,480 --> 00:06:15,920 Speaker 3: I mean, all of it's insane. 140 00:06:16,120 --> 00:06:16,960 Speaker 2: It's disgusting. 141 00:06:17,040 --> 00:06:20,720 Speaker 3: It's disgusting, like you're first of all my brother, second 142 00:06:20,760 --> 00:06:24,240 Speaker 3: of all just another human. It's like, Okay, I could 143 00:06:24,600 --> 00:06:28,000 Speaker 3: if there were like small things like okay, oh ha ha, 144 00:06:28,440 --> 00:06:30,480 Speaker 3: like I saw that you're doing this, I'm gonna make 145 00:06:30,480 --> 00:06:32,320 Speaker 3: a little joke about it, but I'm gonna leave it alone. 146 00:06:32,360 --> 00:06:34,640 Speaker 3: Like I could make a joke to just show you 147 00:06:34,680 --> 00:06:36,839 Speaker 3: that I could, Like I could see my brother doing that. 148 00:06:36,720 --> 00:06:38,880 Speaker 2: For sure, make the kah I hacked in and then 149 00:06:39,000 --> 00:06:39,479 Speaker 2: be done. 150 00:06:39,600 --> 00:06:41,400 Speaker 3: Yeah, and then he'd be like, yeah, no, I'm not 151 00:06:41,400 --> 00:06:41,880 Speaker 3: gonna do it. 152 00:06:41,839 --> 00:06:43,520 Speaker 2: And then maybe like I don't know, show me how 153 00:06:43,520 --> 00:06:46,000 Speaker 2: to remove how you did that from my computer? Yeah, 154 00:06:46,040 --> 00:06:46,960 Speaker 2: like a good brother. 155 00:06:47,320 --> 00:06:49,200 Speaker 3: Yeah. But then the fact that he continues to do 156 00:06:49,240 --> 00:06:51,320 Speaker 3: that for everything and then sets. 157 00:06:51,160 --> 00:06:53,400 Speaker 2: Up a camera such another level. 158 00:06:53,720 --> 00:06:57,520 Speaker 3: So creepy, creep, so creepy, like, it's not your fault 159 00:06:57,520 --> 00:06:58,800 Speaker 3: that he's in jail, it's fully his. 160 00:06:58,920 --> 00:06:59,560 Speaker 2: He needed this. 161 00:07:00,080 --> 00:07:01,719 Speaker 3: I don't know if he's in jail right now. Okay, 162 00:07:02,000 --> 00:07:04,000 Speaker 3: I knew my parents were going to take his side, 163 00:07:04,000 --> 00:07:07,039 Speaker 3: but they have effectively disowned me for this. Who My 164 00:07:07,160 --> 00:07:11,000 Speaker 3: parents are very religious, conservative Catholics. I'm not religious anymore, 165 00:07:11,040 --> 00:07:13,840 Speaker 3: but they don't know that, and they were very upset 166 00:07:13,840 --> 00:07:17,360 Speaker 3: by me reporting it. That's an understatement. I have enough 167 00:07:17,360 --> 00:07:19,800 Speaker 3: scholarships where I will be able to continue paying for 168 00:07:19,840 --> 00:07:22,280 Speaker 3: my living expenses in school with my part time job, 169 00:07:22,280 --> 00:07:24,520 Speaker 3: but the way that they treated me was horrible. They 170 00:07:24,520 --> 00:07:27,240 Speaker 3: are very upset because this will probably screw up his career. 171 00:07:27,240 --> 00:07:30,400 Speaker 3: According to the talks we've had, they said, I'm disgusting 172 00:07:30,520 --> 00:07:33,080 Speaker 3: and not welcome home. My dad sent me a video 173 00:07:33,160 --> 00:07:35,800 Speaker 3: of him and my mom burning most of the belongings 174 00:07:35,840 --> 00:07:38,640 Speaker 3: that I left at their house. Oh my gosh, not 175 00:07:38,720 --> 00:07:41,680 Speaker 3: much important to me, but still they don't believe me 176 00:07:41,720 --> 00:07:43,760 Speaker 3: about the camera, and my dad said that he specifically 177 00:07:43,840 --> 00:07:47,000 Speaker 3: didn't care even if it was there, just screaming the 178 00:07:47,200 --> 00:07:50,120 Speaker 3: entire time. I stopped answering my phone and checking my 179 00:07:50,200 --> 00:07:53,200 Speaker 3: email because it terrifies me. I bought a new cheap 180 00:07:53,200 --> 00:07:55,520 Speaker 3: computer because even though someone helps me, why Big Clean, 181 00:07:55,800 --> 00:07:57,840 Speaker 3: I'm honestly too scared of using the old one. At 182 00:07:57,840 --> 00:08:00,000 Speaker 3: this point, I haven't left my room in a way. 183 00:08:00,400 --> 00:08:02,440 Speaker 3: The worst of it is over, I think, but I 184 00:08:02,480 --> 00:08:05,880 Speaker 3: feel like I fell in a pit. I can't stop crying. 185 00:08:05,920 --> 00:08:08,480 Speaker 3: And we have a third update from a month later. 186 00:08:08,600 --> 00:08:08,840 Speaker 4: Now. 187 00:08:09,200 --> 00:08:12,280 Speaker 3: HI still in California. I'm having some new problems since 188 00:08:12,320 --> 00:08:14,640 Speaker 3: my last update, and I'm unsure how to handle them. 189 00:08:15,200 --> 00:08:17,600 Speaker 3: I'd like to say things have been good, but they haven't. 190 00:08:17,960 --> 00:08:18,040 Speaker 2: No. 191 00:08:18,800 --> 00:08:21,280 Speaker 3: I had to stop school this semester because I've become 192 00:08:21,840 --> 00:08:24,600 Speaker 3: extremely depressed and can't handle the workload of both school 193 00:08:24,640 --> 00:08:27,080 Speaker 3: and work, plus some personal things that I'm focused on 194 00:08:27,120 --> 00:08:31,600 Speaker 3: related to my spicy orientation. I'm planning on going back 195 00:08:31,680 --> 00:08:34,760 Speaker 3: next semester. I really can't focus on anything past work, 196 00:08:34,800 --> 00:08:37,400 Speaker 3: and my life feels very empty right now. I need 197 00:08:37,400 --> 00:08:39,440 Speaker 3: to leave the house more ha ha and talk to 198 00:08:39,480 --> 00:08:41,840 Speaker 3: someone who is in a customer. My brother is still 199 00:08:41,880 --> 00:08:44,959 Speaker 3: in police custody a month later, wow, and still in 200 00:08:45,040 --> 00:08:48,319 Speaker 3: the process of getting convicted, which apparently takes much longer 201 00:08:48,360 --> 00:08:50,800 Speaker 3: than I thought. My parents and a few random people 202 00:08:50,840 --> 00:08:53,360 Speaker 3: their age who I think they've recruited for this, have 203 00:08:53,440 --> 00:08:57,960 Speaker 3: been continually pestering me through various electronic means and random 204 00:08:58,000 --> 00:09:00,800 Speaker 3: phone numbers they do the Star sixty seve or something. 205 00:09:01,040 --> 00:09:02,559 Speaker 2: Change your phone number, yeah. 206 00:09:02,360 --> 00:09:05,040 Speaker 3: Honestly, and spreading false rumors about me. I was too 207 00:09:05,120 --> 00:09:07,480 Speaker 3: depressed to deal with it properly with another restrained border 208 00:09:07,559 --> 00:09:10,200 Speaker 3: or other thing, so it's just been easier to ignore. 209 00:09:10,520 --> 00:09:12,680 Speaker 3: My main problem at the moment is that I'm trying 210 00:09:12,720 --> 00:09:14,400 Speaker 3: to get a new job, but I can't because of 211 00:09:14,440 --> 00:09:16,640 Speaker 3: my Social Security number. When I broke off with my 212 00:09:16,720 --> 00:09:19,240 Speaker 3: parents and this happened, I had some of my important 213 00:09:19,240 --> 00:09:21,560 Speaker 3: documents with me, but not the ones that college students 214 00:09:21,559 --> 00:09:24,240 Speaker 3: don't use on a daily basis, like my passport, social 215 00:09:24,280 --> 00:09:28,640 Speaker 3: Security number, birth certificate. I'm embarrassed, but I don't have 216 00:09:28,720 --> 00:09:30,840 Speaker 3: it memorized. The last time I needed it. My parents 217 00:09:30,840 --> 00:09:32,960 Speaker 3: sent me a picture before all this happened, but I 218 00:09:33,080 --> 00:09:35,120 Speaker 3: no longer have that in my text. I called my 219 00:09:35,160 --> 00:09:37,079 Speaker 3: parents to send them to me and tried to make 220 00:09:37,120 --> 00:09:39,120 Speaker 3: it sound like i'd call the police if they didn't, 221 00:09:39,160 --> 00:09:41,520 Speaker 3: and my father implied that he either burned them or 222 00:09:41,559 --> 00:09:44,120 Speaker 3: would never give them to me. He didn't visibly burn 223 00:09:44,160 --> 00:09:45,640 Speaker 3: them in the video, he said, but I don't know 224 00:09:45,679 --> 00:09:47,839 Speaker 3: if that was everything. I have trouble talking to him 225 00:09:47,880 --> 00:09:50,160 Speaker 3: right now, and I couldn't maintain it. I tried calling 226 00:09:50,240 --> 00:09:52,960 Speaker 3: his parish leader, who I know, and he told me 227 00:09:53,000 --> 00:09:54,840 Speaker 3: that he'd talk to my parents about not giving me 228 00:09:54,880 --> 00:09:57,559 Speaker 3: the info or pestering me. But it hasn't done anything. 229 00:09:57,600 --> 00:10:00,400 Speaker 3: If he did, surprise, surprise. The only document I have 230 00:10:00,480 --> 00:10:03,400 Speaker 3: to prove ID are my permit and my school ID, 231 00:10:03,640 --> 00:10:06,560 Speaker 3: which is useless in this scenario. I need more documents 232 00:10:06,600 --> 00:10:08,520 Speaker 3: if I want to get a new Social Security card. 233 00:10:08,720 --> 00:10:11,200 Speaker 3: I'm also scared of my parents having this information because 234 00:10:11,240 --> 00:10:13,040 Speaker 3: I think they might try to mess with my life. 235 00:10:13,160 --> 00:10:15,000 Speaker 3: I'm afraid that if I call the police, my dad 236 00:10:15,040 --> 00:10:17,439 Speaker 3: will just claim that he never had it and burn 237 00:10:17,520 --> 00:10:20,040 Speaker 3: it or hide it forever, and then I'm screwed without 238 00:10:20,080 --> 00:10:22,720 Speaker 3: any way to fully prove my current identity to get 239 00:10:22,800 --> 00:10:25,880 Speaker 3: new documents. Also, I want to change my name, and 240 00:10:25,920 --> 00:10:28,520 Speaker 3: i'd appreciate it if anyone knows the best way to 241 00:10:28,520 --> 00:10:30,200 Speaker 3: go about doing that, or if it would be too 242 00:10:30,280 --> 00:10:32,040 Speaker 3: much of a pain. Right now, not that big of 243 00:10:32,080 --> 00:10:34,120 Speaker 3: a deal, and honestly, I'm still lazy, but it would 244 00:10:34,160 --> 00:10:35,760 Speaker 3: make me feel better if it's not a big thing. 245 00:10:35,920 --> 00:10:38,280 Speaker 3: The people here have been very helpful to me at 246 00:10:38,280 --> 00:10:40,040 Speaker 3: that at a point in my life when I don't 247 00:10:40,080 --> 00:10:42,199 Speaker 3: really have anyone to talk to or give me advice 248 00:10:42,480 --> 00:10:44,720 Speaker 3: regarding these types of legal issues. And we do have 249 00:10:44,760 --> 00:10:47,640 Speaker 3: a fourth that day from three months later to hear it, 250 00:10:47,760 --> 00:10:49,600 Speaker 3: let's do it. I just want to make this post 251 00:10:49,640 --> 00:10:51,480 Speaker 3: because I think it's good to make a point about 252 00:10:51,480 --> 00:10:53,760 Speaker 3: how the world actually works, and I don't like leaving 253 00:10:53,800 --> 00:10:57,760 Speaker 3: things under false impressions that everything ended up being okay. 254 00:10:58,040 --> 00:11:00,400 Speaker 3: The last five months of twenty eighteen were the worst 255 00:11:00,520 --> 00:11:03,679 Speaker 3: months of my life. Okay, wow, twenty eighteen because of 256 00:11:03,720 --> 00:11:06,240 Speaker 3: everything that happened with my brother and me being disowned 257 00:11:06,280 --> 00:11:09,160 Speaker 3: by my family, my family's friends, and many other people 258 00:11:09,160 --> 00:11:11,480 Speaker 3: who I thought that I knew and respected. I ended 259 00:11:11,520 --> 00:11:13,800 Speaker 3: up getting my documents back without too much trouble, but 260 00:11:14,480 --> 00:11:17,480 Speaker 3: after that everything has been a lost. My brother was 261 00:11:17,520 --> 00:11:21,640 Speaker 3: not really punished in any substantive way. My parents have 262 00:11:22,000 --> 00:11:24,600 Speaker 3: endeavored to protect him, and he basically got something on 263 00:11:24,600 --> 00:11:27,440 Speaker 3: the level of probation, no jail time. He was fired, 264 00:11:27,720 --> 00:11:30,040 Speaker 3: but has been hired again with a much better job 265 00:11:30,160 --> 00:11:33,240 Speaker 3: with a small private company. Because I'm told of a 266 00:11:33,320 --> 00:11:36,280 Speaker 3: connection with the colleague he or my parents, but I 267 00:11:36,280 --> 00:11:39,160 Speaker 3: think him for various reasons, had various people call me 268 00:11:39,240 --> 00:11:42,560 Speaker 3: up from unlisted numbers with vaguely threatening messages, calling me 269 00:11:42,640 --> 00:11:45,000 Speaker 3: a witch, or just breathing on the phone until they 270 00:11:45,000 --> 00:11:46,440 Speaker 3: had to get a new phone number. Oh my gosh, 271 00:11:46,480 --> 00:11:50,920 Speaker 3: it's so creepy just breathing on the phone. Ew Rumors 272 00:11:50,960 --> 00:11:52,680 Speaker 3: have been spread about me to the point where I 273 00:11:52,760 --> 00:11:55,880 Speaker 3: don't even feel comfortable talking to nice people that I 274 00:11:55,960 --> 00:11:58,120 Speaker 3: knew because I'm afraid that they'll judge me based on 275 00:11:58,200 --> 00:12:00,920 Speaker 3: things that they've seen that aren't true. I am still 276 00:12:01,160 --> 00:12:02,880 Speaker 3: not going to be able to go back to college 277 00:12:02,960 --> 00:12:05,600 Speaker 3: this semester because of personal and financial reasons, and I 278 00:12:05,640 --> 00:12:09,120 Speaker 3: basically have lost all my friends due to either personal insecurity, 279 00:12:09,400 --> 00:12:12,600 Speaker 3: severe depression, or the rumors. I don't leave my house 280 00:12:12,640 --> 00:12:15,040 Speaker 3: outside of work, and I'm not taking care of myself 281 00:12:15,040 --> 00:12:17,400 Speaker 3: in the way that I should. I'm very grossly thin 282 00:12:17,520 --> 00:12:20,200 Speaker 3: and pale. I'm working on getting better, though, and I've 283 00:12:20,240 --> 00:12:23,360 Speaker 3: been having very terrible dreams about going to Heck and 284 00:12:23,480 --> 00:12:27,080 Speaker 3: burning alive forever. So are driving me crazy. Oh my gosh, 285 00:12:27,120 --> 00:12:30,160 Speaker 3: this is terrible. I'm not going to do anything dramatic, 286 00:12:30,240 --> 00:12:32,560 Speaker 3: but mentally, I am not worrying to be I'm not 287 00:12:32,600 --> 00:12:35,240 Speaker 3: trying to make this a pity party, and I acknowledge 288 00:12:35,280 --> 00:12:37,000 Speaker 3: that I'm a big part of the reason this happened, 289 00:12:37,200 --> 00:12:39,040 Speaker 3: in the sense that I'm not handling it in the 290 00:12:39,040 --> 00:12:41,960 Speaker 3: most productive way and I'm not asking for help. I 291 00:12:42,040 --> 00:12:44,720 Speaker 3: have a crappy job that allows me to stay live fine, 292 00:12:44,920 --> 00:12:47,199 Speaker 3: just having trouble getting to school, which I think I'll 293 00:12:47,240 --> 00:12:49,160 Speaker 3: be able to start again this summer. But I want 294 00:12:49,160 --> 00:12:52,280 Speaker 3: to emphasize how much up the whole system is. This 295 00:12:52,320 --> 00:12:54,120 Speaker 3: is the second time in my life that I've been 296 00:12:54,160 --> 00:12:57,199 Speaker 3: put in this position, and my first time as an adult, 297 00:12:57,559 --> 00:13:00,840 Speaker 3: and someone trying to report it. Either way, I've been screwed, 298 00:13:01,120 --> 00:13:03,640 Speaker 3: lied to, and watch the person who ruined my life 299 00:13:03,640 --> 00:13:06,840 Speaker 3: get away and live happily ever after. Nobody cares about 300 00:13:06,840 --> 00:13:09,560 Speaker 3: people who get violated, and I understand why they don't 301 00:13:09,600 --> 00:13:13,440 Speaker 3: come out and report it's all rigged. My brother, his girlfriend, 302 00:13:13,440 --> 00:13:16,200 Speaker 3: and my parents are on an almost two week long 303 00:13:16,280 --> 00:13:19,720 Speaker 3: Hawaiian cruise right now, smiling and laughing, and I'm in 304 00:13:19,760 --> 00:13:22,320 Speaker 3: my apartment still unable to sleep right because of all 305 00:13:22,320 --> 00:13:25,439 Speaker 3: of this. Happy New Year, Enjoy your cruise. Haha, what 306 00:13:25,520 --> 00:13:29,040 Speaker 3: a cool picture of the water slide. Again, thanks to 307 00:13:29,080 --> 00:13:31,560 Speaker 3: this community. At least, it was a big help in 308 00:13:31,559 --> 00:13:33,720 Speaker 3: the early stages when I need to get my thoughts together, 309 00:13:33,760 --> 00:13:36,160 Speaker 3: and I really appreciated it. I hope everyone who was 310 00:13:36,200 --> 00:13:39,000 Speaker 3: cool about it gets the type of life they deserve. Really, 311 00:13:39,200 --> 00:13:41,240 Speaker 3: thank you, And we do have a fifth update from 312 00:13:41,320 --> 00:13:47,520 Speaker 3: four months after that. Boy boy, oh boy. Wow. Well 313 00:13:47,960 --> 00:13:50,760 Speaker 3: I'm glad that you know, Oh. 314 00:13:50,400 --> 00:13:51,920 Speaker 2: You got your documents. 315 00:13:52,240 --> 00:13:54,680 Speaker 3: Glad that you've got the documents. Silver Lightings got the 316 00:13:54,720 --> 00:13:56,880 Speaker 3: document an online community. 317 00:13:57,360 --> 00:14:00,600 Speaker 2: Yes, maybe you can change your name you want to. 318 00:14:00,640 --> 00:14:02,719 Speaker 2: Now you got new phone numbers so they can't call 319 00:14:02,760 --> 00:14:03,280 Speaker 2: you anymore. 320 00:14:03,360 --> 00:14:06,520 Speaker 3: Yeah, Like you can go into like witness protection like yeah, 321 00:14:06,559 --> 00:14:11,160 Speaker 3: I'm lazy. Yeah, oh god, I know. I like, I 322 00:14:11,240 --> 00:14:13,960 Speaker 3: mean obviously, you know you tried legal things, and you 323 00:14:14,000 --> 00:14:16,960 Speaker 3: know it didn't punish him as much as you thought 324 00:14:17,000 --> 00:14:20,040 Speaker 3: it would or wanted it to or something. But I mean, 325 00:14:20,040 --> 00:14:22,200 Speaker 3: I wonder if, like with all this pestermen, you can 326 00:14:22,360 --> 00:14:24,200 Speaker 3: file some sort of restraining order on. 327 00:14:24,280 --> 00:14:27,360 Speaker 2: Him, right, I feel like you can go down harder 328 00:14:27,400 --> 00:14:29,880 Speaker 2: with it, Yeah, for sure, because if he was so 329 00:14:29,920 --> 00:14:31,920 Speaker 2: sorry that goal system sucks, dude. 330 00:14:32,080 --> 00:14:36,240 Speaker 3: Yeah, honestly, but we do have a fifth update. Four 331 00:14:36,280 --> 00:14:39,440 Speaker 3: months later, I moved to another state now for the 332 00:14:39,440 --> 00:14:42,760 Speaker 3: purposes of the final update, it doesn't matter. Things have 333 00:14:42,840 --> 00:14:45,720 Speaker 3: settled for me. Is of four weeks ago, and I 334 00:14:45,880 --> 00:14:48,200 Speaker 3: remembered a lot of people setting me messages in PMS, 335 00:14:48,200 --> 00:14:50,360 Speaker 3: so I thought I would give a final update. Life 336 00:14:50,400 --> 00:14:52,800 Speaker 3: isn't good in the sense that everything is perfect. I 337 00:14:52,800 --> 00:14:56,040 Speaker 3: one hundred percent absolutely do not believe in karma or 338 00:14:56,040 --> 00:14:58,200 Speaker 3: that good things happen to people who do good and 339 00:14:58,320 --> 00:15:01,280 Speaker 3: vice versa with evil people. But things ended up working 340 00:15:01,320 --> 00:15:05,520 Speaker 3: that way in this scenario after all the crap. Okay, okay, 341 00:15:06,680 --> 00:15:09,920 Speaker 3: long story short. Three months ago, my brother was diagnosed 342 00:15:09,960 --> 00:15:11,960 Speaker 3: with a terminal illness and. 343 00:15:11,880 --> 00:15:12,640 Speaker 2: He passed away. 344 00:15:12,720 --> 00:15:24,160 Speaker 5: But two months later this April, that's crazy, speechless, Oh 345 00:15:24,240 --> 00:15:27,040 Speaker 5: my god, Oh my god. 346 00:15:27,840 --> 00:15:29,440 Speaker 3: That is a crazy way. 347 00:15:29,720 --> 00:15:31,160 Speaker 2: Story cannot be real. 348 00:15:31,480 --> 00:15:37,200 Speaker 3: This is insane, This is insane. I'm shocked the way 349 00:15:37,400 --> 00:15:42,560 Speaker 3: the yeah, starting it off with karma and being like, yeah, 350 00:15:42,560 --> 00:15:44,320 Speaker 3: I don't believe in karma, but I guess it worked 351 00:15:44,320 --> 00:15:48,760 Speaker 3: out this way. He passed away from a torminal illness. 352 00:15:50,040 --> 00:15:55,560 Speaker 3: Why okay, continuing on, we don't have a family history 353 00:15:55,560 --> 00:15:57,760 Speaker 3: with this, and I found out about it more than 354 00:15:57,760 --> 00:16:00,360 Speaker 3: a month after his diagnosis. I did not see him 355 00:16:00,360 --> 00:16:03,840 Speaker 3: after his passing, and whatever campaign he had to bug 356 00:16:03,920 --> 00:16:06,400 Speaker 3: me with his buddies just stopped all of the sudden 357 00:16:06,440 --> 00:16:08,040 Speaker 3: when he found out about it, so I guess he 358 00:16:08,080 --> 00:16:10,520 Speaker 3: lost interest once he realized you didn't have much time. 359 00:16:10,560 --> 00:16:13,320 Speaker 3: I didn't know many details because I am not involved, 360 00:16:13,360 --> 00:16:16,000 Speaker 3: and I obviously didn't try to be. But he's passed 361 00:16:16,040 --> 00:16:19,440 Speaker 3: away now I'm glad. I felt bad about it for 362 00:16:19,480 --> 00:16:22,480 Speaker 3: a day or two and then just thought, no, really 363 00:16:22,600 --> 00:16:25,280 Speaker 3: done with it. The universe threw me won freebie, and 364 00:16:25,360 --> 00:16:29,000 Speaker 3: I'm going to appreciate it. I honestly feel freer and happy, 365 00:16:29,120 --> 00:16:31,160 Speaker 3: and I hope he passed away and as much pain 366 00:16:31,160 --> 00:16:34,680 Speaker 3: as could be expected. My life is good right now. 367 00:16:35,080 --> 00:16:37,360 Speaker 3: The past nine months have been some of the worst 368 00:16:37,400 --> 00:16:40,040 Speaker 3: times of my life, but things have settled into almost nice. 369 00:16:40,320 --> 00:16:43,200 Speaker 3: Unis postponed at the moment and maybe forever, but I've 370 00:16:43,240 --> 00:16:44,880 Speaker 3: found a good job that I like in a much 371 00:16:44,960 --> 00:16:47,360 Speaker 3: cheaper state that I like more and don't have to 372 00:16:47,400 --> 00:16:49,560 Speaker 3: work a lot. I have plenty of free time now, 373 00:16:49,600 --> 00:16:52,120 Speaker 3: and I'm having fun with it instead of sitting in misery. 374 00:16:52,360 --> 00:16:56,880 Speaker 3: I started drawing again and reading incredibly depressing online superhero novels. 375 00:16:57,200 --> 00:17:00,440 Speaker 3: I'm also pushing myself to make new friends and going 376 00:17:00,520 --> 00:17:03,440 Speaker 3: to look into therapy soon. Feeling alive again, I'm taking 377 00:17:03,440 --> 00:17:05,920 Speaker 3: care of my health again and not under eating anymore. 378 00:17:06,240 --> 00:17:09,080 Speaker 3: Parents have reached out twice and I ignored them. I'm 379 00:17:09,119 --> 00:17:11,800 Speaker 3: planning to do it again and forever. I hope they 380 00:17:11,920 --> 00:17:14,560 Speaker 3: rotch and I don't feel bad about it anymore, sick 381 00:17:14,600 --> 00:17:17,600 Speaker 3: of feeling guilty, sick of feeling sick. They're the messed 382 00:17:17,640 --> 00:17:18,720 Speaker 3: up people, not me. 383 00:17:19,040 --> 00:17:20,359 Speaker 2: I don't really have any more thoughts. 384 00:17:20,520 --> 00:17:22,960 Speaker 3: Oh yeah, I'm like, I'm speechless. 385 00:17:23,000 --> 00:17:27,360 Speaker 2: Sure. I'm very happy that your life is going significantly better, though, 386 00:17:27,400 --> 00:17:29,800 Speaker 2: and I agree keep your parents cut off. Yeah, we 387 00:17:29,840 --> 00:17:31,680 Speaker 2: don't need to go back to any of that. Yeah, 388 00:17:31,760 --> 00:17:32,680 Speaker 2: and yeah, start your. 389 00:17:32,600 --> 00:17:35,399 Speaker 3: Need life to your new state exactly. There is a 390 00:17:35,440 --> 00:17:37,159 Speaker 3: little bit more to the story. All I want to 391 00:17:37,200 --> 00:17:40,200 Speaker 3: do now is hear about whenever they go and join 392 00:17:40,280 --> 00:17:42,880 Speaker 3: my brother. Wow. I don't want to say my brother 393 00:17:43,000 --> 00:17:45,800 Speaker 3: suddenly got and passed away and that fixed everything and 394 00:17:45,840 --> 00:17:48,640 Speaker 3: I'm happy now because that isn't true. But he did 395 00:17:48,680 --> 00:17:50,840 Speaker 3: pass away and I'm glad about it, and yes, it 396 00:17:50,880 --> 00:17:53,040 Speaker 3: did make me feel happy and I'm finding it much 397 00:17:53,080 --> 00:17:55,000 Speaker 3: easier to be happy now. I wish I could say 398 00:17:55,000 --> 00:17:57,360 Speaker 3: I didn't need luck to fix my problems, but whatever. 399 00:17:57,680 --> 00:17:59,840 Speaker 3: Thanks to everyone who sent me messages and offered me 400 00:17:59,880 --> 00:18:02,040 Speaker 3: to types of help, even if I didn't take it. 401 00:18:02,359 --> 00:18:05,320 Speaker 3: I had four one time conversations with four people that 402 00:18:05,440 --> 00:18:07,480 Speaker 3: meant a lot to me. I hope only nice things 403 00:18:07,480 --> 00:18:10,159 Speaker 3: happen to you guys. Thanks again, And that is the 404 00:18:10,280 --> 00:18:12,840 Speaker 3: end of that story. Wow wow cool. 405 00:18:13,040 --> 00:18:16,520 Speaker 2: Yeah, I'm uop honestly for finding your truth in it 406 00:18:16,560 --> 00:18:20,560 Speaker 2: and for not feeling guilt about someone who was terrible 407 00:18:20,640 --> 00:18:20,840 Speaker 2: to you. 408 00:18:21,160 --> 00:18:23,040 Speaker 3: Yeah. I mean, like you really didn't do anything in 409 00:18:23,080 --> 00:18:27,119 Speaker 3: the situation. Everyone was being so horrible to you. And 410 00:18:27,320 --> 00:18:29,199 Speaker 3: that's the end of this story. We're going on to 411 00:18:29,240 --> 00:18:29,760 Speaker 3: the next one. 412 00:18:31,040 --> 00:18:34,520 Speaker 2: I am jealous of my cousins in laws and it's 413 00:18:34,680 --> 00:18:41,679 Speaker 2: tearing me apart. No, not jealousy people me twenties, female mom, 414 00:18:41,960 --> 00:18:46,800 Speaker 2: sixties female cousin Jolene, twenties female sister in law, mother 415 00:18:46,800 --> 00:18:50,720 Speaker 2: in law, etc. To start, we have a massive family, 416 00:18:51,320 --> 00:18:55,200 Speaker 2: think the stereotypical million and a half cousins and loud 417 00:18:55,280 --> 00:18:59,399 Speaker 2: as crap family parties. The problem is hierarchy's form at 418 00:18:59,400 --> 00:19:02,160 Speaker 2: those gather and my mother and I have always been 419 00:19:02,240 --> 00:19:04,960 Speaker 2: on the bottom of the totem pole. We're not exactly 420 00:19:05,040 --> 00:19:08,239 Speaker 2: close with many members, and most of the few we 421 00:19:08,280 --> 00:19:11,439 Speaker 2: are close to don't live nearby by the way. This 422 00:19:11,480 --> 00:19:14,480 Speaker 2: comes from just a throwaway seventy eight forty two and 423 00:19:14,520 --> 00:19:16,439 Speaker 2: if you want to submit your own stories, go to 424 00:19:16,440 --> 00:19:19,720 Speaker 2: the r slash okay storytime subreddit. I'm Carly, I'm Angie, 425 00:19:19,840 --> 00:19:22,119 Speaker 2: and we're here to give good advice goofully, but we 426 00:19:22,240 --> 00:19:24,800 Speaker 2: don't have all the answers really know what we would do, 427 00:19:25,080 --> 00:19:26,680 Speaker 2: so let us know what you would do in the comments. 428 00:19:26,840 --> 00:19:31,280 Speaker 2: And Opie says, my closest cousin, Joline, is just slightly 429 00:19:31,359 --> 00:19:34,040 Speaker 2: older than me. Since I grew up as an only child, 430 00:19:34,119 --> 00:19:37,800 Speaker 2: I kind of idolized her. Anything Jolene did. I wanted 431 00:19:37,840 --> 00:19:41,119 Speaker 2: to do what she wore I wanted. I thought she 432 00:19:41,320 --> 00:19:44,679 Speaker 2: was the coolest, rittiest person in the world, and I 433 00:19:44,760 --> 00:19:47,679 Speaker 2: wanted to be just like her as adults. Jolene and 434 00:19:47,760 --> 00:19:51,280 Speaker 2: I have spoken about this. She said she was always flattered, 435 00:19:51,560 --> 00:19:54,720 Speaker 2: but she has the worst imposter syndrome I've ever seen. 436 00:19:55,240 --> 00:19:59,280 Speaker 2: Growing up, she'd feel exceedingly unworthy of my childish adoration 437 00:20:00,000 --> 00:20:03,639 Speaker 2: and that continued into adulthood. I always told her she'd 438 00:20:03,640 --> 00:20:07,439 Speaker 2: be in my wedding, my first child's godmother, etc. You 439 00:20:07,520 --> 00:20:10,840 Speaker 2: get the idea. I was obsessed with her, but we 440 00:20:10,920 --> 00:20:14,120 Speaker 2: still grew up very close. Of course, as an adult, 441 00:20:14,160 --> 00:20:16,560 Speaker 2: don't get it twisted. I'm not obsessed with her like 442 00:20:16,680 --> 00:20:20,440 Speaker 2: when I was five. My opinion of her has never changed, though. 443 00:20:20,680 --> 00:20:23,320 Speaker 2: I still think she's amazing and I'll always look up 444 00:20:23,320 --> 00:20:26,680 Speaker 2: to her. Jolene has a son and his father sucks 445 00:20:27,119 --> 00:20:30,520 Speaker 2: pretty cut and dry. When they were separated and divorcing, 446 00:20:30,720 --> 00:20:32,440 Speaker 2: my mom and I would spend a ton of time 447 00:20:32,480 --> 00:20:35,560 Speaker 2: going to see them and being supportive for Jolene. We'd 448 00:20:35,680 --> 00:20:39,320 Speaker 2: bring food to take them out, have fun outings. Jolene's 449 00:20:39,320 --> 00:20:42,200 Speaker 2: son is autistic, and she was having a hard time 450 00:20:42,320 --> 00:20:45,360 Speaker 2: being a single parent and trying to support him as 451 00:20:45,440 --> 00:20:48,040 Speaker 2: best she could. Jolene found a new husband in the 452 00:20:48,119 --> 00:20:52,560 Speaker 2: last few years, and we actually love him. He's kind, supportive, 453 00:20:52,720 --> 00:20:55,640 Speaker 2: and I get great vibes from him. He's also been 454 00:20:55,720 --> 00:20:58,720 Speaker 2: wonderful to Jolene's son and loves him like his own. 455 00:20:59,400 --> 00:21:02,720 Speaker 2: The problem has been with his family, making us feel 456 00:21:02,760 --> 00:21:06,880 Speaker 2: sort of pushed out. Jolene's mother passed away last year, 457 00:21:07,080 --> 00:21:10,320 Speaker 2: and it was devastating. By the end, she didn't know 458 00:21:10,400 --> 00:21:12,760 Speaker 2: what was going on or who some people even were. 459 00:21:13,119 --> 00:21:15,400 Speaker 2: Jolene moved her wedding up so that her mother would 460 00:21:15,400 --> 00:21:18,040 Speaker 2: be alive to see it, but she wasn't even able 461 00:21:18,080 --> 00:21:20,920 Speaker 2: to attend due to her state. It was probably the 462 00:21:20,960 --> 00:21:25,480 Speaker 2: most bittersweet and heartbreaking weekend, and I've always wanted to 463 00:21:25,520 --> 00:21:28,080 Speaker 2: keep the drama that happened a secret so that Jolene 464 00:21:28,119 --> 00:21:30,920 Speaker 2: could have as many good memories from that day as 465 00:21:30,960 --> 00:21:33,600 Speaker 2: she could. My mom really tried to step up and 466 00:21:33,600 --> 00:21:37,240 Speaker 2: be a pseudo grandmother. If the kids needed anything, we 467 00:21:37,359 --> 00:21:40,280 Speaker 2: got it. If Jolene needed someone to take her son 468 00:21:40,359 --> 00:21:42,399 Speaker 2: for a bit, we were there in a heartbeat. This 469 00:21:42,640 --> 00:21:45,159 Speaker 2: was the case during the wedding weekend too, when we 470 00:21:45,200 --> 00:21:48,000 Speaker 2: met Jolene's new in laws. I will admit I felt 471 00:21:48,040 --> 00:21:51,400 Speaker 2: a bit territorial. That is a character flaw I have, 472 00:21:51,680 --> 00:21:54,919 Speaker 2: but I try my absolute best to never show it 473 00:21:55,000 --> 00:21:57,520 Speaker 2: because I've never met these people and I don't want 474 00:21:57,520 --> 00:22:00,600 Speaker 2: to be rude. I'm going to safely assume my mom 475 00:22:00,720 --> 00:22:04,000 Speaker 2: probably felt the same. The first night before the wedding, 476 00:22:04,040 --> 00:22:06,680 Speaker 2: we had a great get together. I was sitting next 477 00:22:06,680 --> 00:22:08,800 Speaker 2: to my cousin, who was sitting next to her new 478 00:22:08,800 --> 00:22:11,120 Speaker 2: sister in law. I asked her if she was going 479 00:22:11,160 --> 00:22:14,840 Speaker 2: to need any help the following day getting dressed, getting ready, etc. 480 00:22:15,680 --> 00:22:18,040 Speaker 2: She assured me that our aunts were there and would 481 00:22:18,080 --> 00:22:20,600 Speaker 2: be helping her, and I was very contented by that. 482 00:22:20,880 --> 00:22:24,120 Speaker 2: Her sister in law, though, decided to say actually, I've 483 00:22:24,160 --> 00:22:27,520 Speaker 2: been stepping into the sister role my territorial, but made 484 00:22:27,520 --> 00:22:31,240 Speaker 2: direct eye contact and said, I have bathed this woman 485 00:22:31,280 --> 00:22:34,080 Speaker 2: when she had pneumonia. I've been her sister since we 486 00:22:34,080 --> 00:22:38,040 Speaker 2: were children. That was on me and it was probably rude. 487 00:22:38,119 --> 00:22:41,200 Speaker 2: I do regret being rude. The next day, my husband 488 00:22:41,200 --> 00:22:44,439 Speaker 2: and I had Jolene's son while Jolene got ready. My 489 00:22:44,520 --> 00:22:47,199 Speaker 2: mom got Jolene last minute things she forgot, so she 490 00:22:47,320 --> 00:22:50,359 Speaker 2: was in the airbnb. When Jolene was worried about how 491 00:22:50,400 --> 00:22:53,040 Speaker 2: she wanted her veil. Jolene's mother in law said that 492 00:22:53,040 --> 00:22:55,639 Speaker 2: they should consult my hair and makeup person, and my 493 00:22:55,720 --> 00:22:58,399 Speaker 2: mom said, how about we let the bride decide. So 494 00:22:58,600 --> 00:23:00,480 Speaker 2: my mom got a mirror and put up a few 495 00:23:00,480 --> 00:23:03,680 Speaker 2: placements and it calmed my cousin so she was able 496 00:23:03,720 --> 00:23:06,440 Speaker 2: to choose. After my cousin walked away. Her mother in 497 00:23:06,520 --> 00:23:09,760 Speaker 2: law said to her new husband, doesn't she your mom 498 00:23:09,920 --> 00:23:12,240 Speaker 2: remind you so much of Aunt so and so? Now 499 00:23:12,280 --> 00:23:15,840 Speaker 2: my mom is funny and self deprecating. She jokingly said, oh, 500 00:23:15,960 --> 00:23:18,879 Speaker 2: is Aunt so and so a witch? She did not 501 00:23:19,080 --> 00:23:22,120 Speaker 2: expect the mother in law to very seriously say, yeah, yeah, 502 00:23:22,119 --> 00:23:25,400 Speaker 2: she is. The egregious thing that occurred happened at the wedding, 503 00:23:25,600 --> 00:23:28,000 Speaker 2: And this is the thing that the whole big family 504 00:23:28,040 --> 00:23:31,359 Speaker 2: I spoke about earlier is still mad about. I'm pretty 505 00:23:31,359 --> 00:23:33,800 Speaker 2: sure this is going to be a lifelong grudge that 506 00:23:33,920 --> 00:23:37,240 Speaker 2: my aunts and uncles will never get over. My cousin 507 00:23:37,359 --> 00:23:40,400 Speaker 2: obviously had a wedding bouquet, but the person she got 508 00:23:40,480 --> 00:23:42,720 Speaker 2: it from was kind enough to make her mother a 509 00:23:42,760 --> 00:23:45,680 Speaker 2: little bouquet. Now, her mom didn't know what was going 510 00:23:45,720 --> 00:23:48,280 Speaker 2: on at all, but it was still so sweet that 511 00:23:48,359 --> 00:23:51,159 Speaker 2: she got her own bouquet of flowers. For some reason. 512 00:23:51,280 --> 00:23:53,600 Speaker 2: Despite the fact that my cousin didn't have a wedding 513 00:23:53,640 --> 00:23:56,080 Speaker 2: party due to the small size of the wedding and 514 00:23:56,200 --> 00:23:59,080 Speaker 2: the quickness of the planning, the in laws all showed 515 00:23:59,119 --> 00:24:03,040 Speaker 2: up dressed a very normally with professionally done hair and makeup, 516 00:24:03,440 --> 00:24:06,879 Speaker 2: and all wearing the same color like bridesmaids. I admit 517 00:24:06,960 --> 00:24:10,160 Speaker 2: this pissed me off. If DeLine was going to have bridesmaids, 518 00:24:10,200 --> 00:24:12,240 Speaker 2: I would have been one of them, and I sure 519 00:24:12,240 --> 00:24:14,320 Speaker 2: as crap was more likely to be a maid of 520 00:24:14,359 --> 00:24:17,680 Speaker 2: honor than this sister in law was. Anyway. Aside from 521 00:24:17,720 --> 00:24:20,280 Speaker 2: the color matching, the sister in law also had my 522 00:24:20,440 --> 00:24:24,840 Speaker 2: passing away aunt's bouquet of flowers. I don't know how 523 00:24:24,880 --> 00:24:27,040 Speaker 2: she got them, and I can't say for sure that 524 00:24:27,119 --> 00:24:29,960 Speaker 2: she knew it was my aunt, because maybe she didn't know, 525 00:24:30,359 --> 00:24:35,280 Speaker 2: but she had taken my passing away ants flowers. My family, 526 00:24:35,320 --> 00:24:37,439 Speaker 2: who tends to sit and clicks with each other and 527 00:24:37,560 --> 00:24:42,080 Speaker 2: stay around ourselves, glared daggers at this woman the whole 528 00:24:42,200 --> 00:24:45,840 Speaker 2: ceremony and reception. When they got up for pictures, one 529 00:24:45,880 --> 00:24:49,080 Speaker 2: of my aunts went to their table, snatched the flowers 530 00:24:49,160 --> 00:24:50,080 Speaker 2: and hid them. 531 00:24:50,359 --> 00:24:52,280 Speaker 3: Nice. I'm glad you're not the only one that is 532 00:24:52,320 --> 00:24:52,919 Speaker 3: bothered by this. 533 00:24:53,119 --> 00:24:56,680 Speaker 2: Yeah, so, needless to say, not the best first impression. 534 00:24:57,040 --> 00:25:01,080 Speaker 2: Now a year later, every holiday weekend anything seems to 535 00:25:01,080 --> 00:25:05,200 Speaker 2: be claimed by the in laws. Thanksgiving Christmas, her first 536 00:25:05,240 --> 00:25:08,680 Speaker 2: Mother's Day without her mother and pregnant with her first daughter, 537 00:25:08,840 --> 00:25:12,040 Speaker 2: that her Mom would never get to meet. Fourth of July, etc. 538 00:25:12,720 --> 00:25:15,240 Speaker 2: We always ask to get together with them for these times, 539 00:25:15,440 --> 00:25:18,800 Speaker 2: especially Mother's Day, but they were always with the in laws, 540 00:25:19,080 --> 00:25:21,439 Speaker 2: and it's feeling like our toes were being stepped on. 541 00:25:22,000 --> 00:25:24,160 Speaker 2: I think my mother really feels like the in laws 542 00:25:24,200 --> 00:25:28,680 Speaker 2: are trying to replace Jolene's existing family. I appreciate them 543 00:25:28,720 --> 00:25:31,560 Speaker 2: a ton for being as supportive as they have been 544 00:25:31,680 --> 00:25:34,680 Speaker 2: since my aunt's passing, but I also get the same 545 00:25:34,720 --> 00:25:37,960 Speaker 2: feeling they've always been there for Jolene, but we would 546 00:25:37,960 --> 00:25:40,880 Speaker 2: also like to spend time with them. I've already asked 547 00:25:40,920 --> 00:25:43,040 Speaker 2: to have Thanksgiving with them this year, just to get 548 00:25:43,040 --> 00:25:46,560 Speaker 2: a jump on it, because absolutely bragging. I make a 549 00:25:46,720 --> 00:25:49,879 Speaker 2: great Thanksgiving meal, but I make too much food for 550 00:25:49,920 --> 00:25:52,480 Speaker 2: our small family unit. I just want to know how 551 00:25:52,520 --> 00:25:55,600 Speaker 2: I can approach this delicately, How to be fair and 552 00:25:55,640 --> 00:25:58,720 Speaker 2: supportive of how my mom feels while also not being 553 00:25:58,760 --> 00:26:01,560 Speaker 2: needlessly aggressive to people who have been nothing but kind 554 00:26:01,600 --> 00:26:04,280 Speaker 2: to my cousin. These feelings have been spurred up because 555 00:26:04,400 --> 00:26:07,800 Speaker 2: Jolene had a second child, a little girl. Her due 556 00:26:07,840 --> 00:26:09,920 Speaker 2: date was on my birthday and she was born two 557 00:26:10,000 --> 00:26:13,600 Speaker 2: days before. Dude. I felt so special when Jolene called 558 00:26:13,600 --> 00:26:17,679 Speaker 2: me and asked if I wanted a new birthday twin. Oh, 559 00:26:17,720 --> 00:26:20,400 Speaker 2: we already have a cousin born on my birthday because 560 00:26:20,400 --> 00:26:22,560 Speaker 2: there's so many of us. But I would be elated 561 00:26:22,640 --> 00:26:25,399 Speaker 2: for Jolene's little girl to be born so close to 562 00:26:25,440 --> 00:26:26,080 Speaker 2: my birthday. 563 00:26:26,440 --> 00:26:29,560 Speaker 3: Yeah. Yeah, how would she go about that? 564 00:26:29,880 --> 00:26:32,240 Speaker 2: I don't even know. I feel like I wonder if 565 00:26:32,280 --> 00:26:35,760 Speaker 2: there's ever even been a conversation or just like a 566 00:26:35,760 --> 00:26:38,280 Speaker 2: bunch of snippy comments here and there. 567 00:26:38,080 --> 00:26:41,560 Speaker 3: Yeah, like from the sister in law from sister in law. 568 00:26:41,440 --> 00:26:44,400 Speaker 2: From mother in law. Yeah, Like I'm wondering if if 569 00:26:44,640 --> 00:26:47,040 Speaker 2: air needs to be cleared or something, or if you 570 00:26:47,080 --> 00:26:49,000 Speaker 2: can go to Jolene and just be like, hey, like 571 00:26:49,200 --> 00:26:52,280 Speaker 2: I really miss you, Like can you have a holiday? Yeah? 572 00:26:52,280 --> 00:26:54,399 Speaker 3: Honestly, going to Joline is probably the best way to 573 00:26:54,440 --> 00:26:57,399 Speaker 3: do Yeah. Yeah, just being super honest, especially if you 574 00:26:57,400 --> 00:27:00,399 Speaker 3: guys are close, like hopefully you can talk about like that. 575 00:27:00,600 --> 00:27:02,719 Speaker 3: I feel like I want you to have a relationship 576 00:27:02,760 --> 00:27:04,480 Speaker 3: with your your in laws. 577 00:27:04,280 --> 00:27:06,720 Speaker 2: Like we haven't had a holiday, yeah, and you know 578 00:27:06,760 --> 00:27:08,960 Speaker 2: I make a good Thanksgiving meal, right, Yeah? 579 00:27:10,680 --> 00:27:12,880 Speaker 3: Yeah, I feel like that would be the best way 580 00:27:12,920 --> 00:27:14,639 Speaker 3: to do it, because then if you go around and 581 00:27:14,680 --> 00:27:16,800 Speaker 3: talk to the in laws. Then it's like there's too 582 00:27:16,880 --> 00:27:18,840 Speaker 3: much separation there for you to like. 583 00:27:19,119 --> 00:27:21,560 Speaker 2: Yes, I only say talk to the in laws if 584 00:27:21,800 --> 00:27:25,400 Speaker 2: they bring up like lingering problems. Yeah, and there could 585 00:27:25,400 --> 00:27:28,719 Speaker 2: be like a combined thing or something, or Jolene host 586 00:27:28,960 --> 00:27:29,480 Speaker 2: or something. 587 00:27:29,560 --> 00:27:29,760 Speaker 4: Yeah. 588 00:27:31,320 --> 00:27:32,840 Speaker 3: Yeah, I don't know. 589 00:27:33,280 --> 00:27:35,840 Speaker 2: I was so excited when she was born two days before. 590 00:27:36,040 --> 00:27:38,879 Speaker 2: She's gorgeous, and I'm not a fan of most kids 591 00:27:38,960 --> 00:27:42,840 Speaker 2: except Joline's and my husband's nephews and nieces, but I'm 592 00:27:42,880 --> 00:27:46,280 Speaker 2: obsessed with this wonderful little girl. I am not the godmother. 593 00:27:46,600 --> 00:27:49,800 Speaker 2: Jolene's husband wanted his sister to be the godmother, so 594 00:27:49,920 --> 00:27:52,680 Speaker 2: that's what they went with. Am I hurt? Sigh? 595 00:27:53,040 --> 00:27:53,280 Speaker 3: Yes? 596 00:27:53,760 --> 00:27:56,720 Speaker 2: Was I surprised, not at all. I didn't get my 597 00:27:56,760 --> 00:27:59,399 Speaker 2: hopes up because I expected Jolene's husband to want his 598 00:27:59,520 --> 00:28:02,320 Speaker 2: only sister to be the godmother of his first child. 599 00:28:02,840 --> 00:28:05,080 Speaker 2: Not much of our family is invited to the christening, 600 00:28:05,119 --> 00:28:07,439 Speaker 2: but we are, and I want to go. But I 601 00:28:07,520 --> 00:28:09,399 Speaker 2: also know it'll heart of it and that is the 602 00:28:09,480 --> 00:28:10,320 Speaker 2: end of that story. 603 00:28:11,240 --> 00:28:11,480 Speaker 6: Sam. 604 00:28:11,520 --> 00:28:13,280 Speaker 1: Here, we're gonna get back to the stories, but here's 605 00:28:13,320 --> 00:28:14,760 Speaker 1: three of minutes bads from our sponsors. 606 00:28:15,520 --> 00:28:20,960 Speaker 2: My girlfriend rejected my proposal after hinting about it, make 607 00:28:21,080 --> 00:28:24,840 Speaker 2: up your mind. My girlfriend, twenty seven female and I, 608 00:28:25,080 --> 00:28:27,720 Speaker 2: twenty eight male, have been together for two years and 609 00:28:27,800 --> 00:28:30,880 Speaker 2: six months. She asked me to propose to her within 610 00:28:31,040 --> 00:28:34,680 Speaker 2: six months, which I did. During this time, she hinted 611 00:28:34,800 --> 00:28:39,040 Speaker 2: heavily that she wanted an engagement ring with particular stones 612 00:28:39,160 --> 00:28:42,040 Speaker 2: that were difficult to come by at a regular jeweler, 613 00:28:42,400 --> 00:28:45,640 Speaker 2: so I had to buy it from a specific site. 614 00:28:45,720 --> 00:28:48,240 Speaker 2: By the way, this comes from the Real Bolder and 615 00:28:48,280 --> 00:28:50,280 Speaker 2: if you want to submit your own stories, go to 616 00:28:50,280 --> 00:28:53,640 Speaker 2: the r slash Okay storytime subreddit. I'm Carle, I'm Sophia, 617 00:28:54,240 --> 00:28:57,400 Speaker 2: I'm Angie, and we're here to give good advice goofully, 618 00:28:57,440 --> 00:28:59,720 Speaker 2: but we don't have all the answers. We only know 619 00:29:00,120 --> 00:29:01,440 Speaker 2: you would do is let us know what you would 620 00:29:01,480 --> 00:29:05,160 Speaker 2: do in the comments and o Pie says. It ended 621 00:29:05,200 --> 00:29:07,680 Speaker 2: up costing more than five hundred dollars, which is more 622 00:29:07,680 --> 00:29:10,520 Speaker 2: than I wanted to spend, but I was so sure 623 00:29:10,600 --> 00:29:12,640 Speaker 2: she was going to be my spouse that I could 624 00:29:12,720 --> 00:29:15,600 Speaker 2: stretch my budget since she appreciates it so much when 625 00:29:15,640 --> 00:29:18,760 Speaker 2: she gets something she loves, and the ring was perfect. 626 00:29:19,240 --> 00:29:22,280 Speaker 2: The time comes and I propose, I do all sorts 627 00:29:22,320 --> 00:29:24,640 Speaker 2: of lovely things and create stuff to make it a 628 00:29:24,680 --> 00:29:28,800 Speaker 2: perfect proposal, and she accepts before starting to cry as 629 00:29:28,840 --> 00:29:32,400 Speaker 2: she reveals she is unsure if she loves me because 630 00:29:32,400 --> 00:29:35,600 Speaker 2: her job has been so stressful lately and her feelings 631 00:29:35,640 --> 00:29:38,360 Speaker 2: had changed since telling me she wanted to be engaged. 632 00:29:40,200 --> 00:29:42,840 Speaker 2: It hit me like a brick wall, and I thought 633 00:29:42,920 --> 00:29:45,760 Speaker 2: my life was pretty much over. We had a week's 634 00:29:45,760 --> 00:29:49,480 Speaker 2: break before getting back together to try second time. Things 635 00:29:49,560 --> 00:29:52,320 Speaker 2: are working out somewhat fine, but we're not at the 636 00:29:52,320 --> 00:29:55,760 Speaker 2: point we were in the past. That's very clear now. 637 00:29:55,840 --> 00:29:57,880 Speaker 2: I was going to return the ring as it wasn't 638 00:29:57,880 --> 00:30:01,920 Speaker 2: engraved or anything, but the return policy eft me over, 639 00:30:02,120 --> 00:30:04,800 Speaker 2: saying I can't return it because a piece of paper 640 00:30:04,880 --> 00:30:08,640 Speaker 2: is cut on the ring. Everything was returned, including the 641 00:30:08,680 --> 00:30:11,920 Speaker 2: box and all certificates, but the paper that was attached 642 00:30:11,920 --> 00:30:15,560 Speaker 2: to the ring was removed temporarily during the proposal, and 643 00:30:15,640 --> 00:30:17,240 Speaker 2: now I won't get to return it. 644 00:30:17,360 --> 00:30:19,200 Speaker 3: That's actually crazy. 645 00:30:19,600 --> 00:30:21,960 Speaker 2: I got very pissed off of the world and wanted 646 00:30:22,000 --> 00:30:25,160 Speaker 2: to be alone and not talk since I've essentially lost 647 00:30:25,200 --> 00:30:28,040 Speaker 2: five hundred bucks on a worthless ring that I can't 648 00:30:28,120 --> 00:30:31,320 Speaker 2: use for anything. What sucks so much is I bought 649 00:30:31,360 --> 00:30:33,480 Speaker 2: it because the woman I loved told me it was 650 00:30:33,520 --> 00:30:36,360 Speaker 2: the thing she wanted most in the world. Now, I'm 651 00:30:36,400 --> 00:30:39,280 Speaker 2: afraid I'm going to resent her form making me waste 652 00:30:39,400 --> 00:30:42,880 Speaker 2: so much. She simply said that sucks and carried on 653 00:30:42,960 --> 00:30:45,880 Speaker 2: with her day. I feel like it's very unfair for 654 00:30:45,960 --> 00:30:48,560 Speaker 2: me to take the hit when she changed her mind 655 00:30:48,600 --> 00:30:51,400 Speaker 2: without hinting or telling me. Do you guys think this 656 00:30:51,560 --> 00:30:54,360 Speaker 2: relationship is just doomed to fail at this point or 657 00:30:54,560 --> 00:30:57,440 Speaker 2: is it worth trying to mend it? Am I being 658 00:30:57,520 --> 00:31:00,440 Speaker 2: unreasonable for thinking I shouldn't be responsible for taking the 659 00:31:00,480 --> 00:31:04,160 Speaker 2: five hundred bucks lost? And is the ring company the 660 00:31:04,240 --> 00:31:06,800 Speaker 2: worst jewelry company in the world. I want to know 661 00:31:06,840 --> 00:31:08,120 Speaker 2: your thoughts before I read that edit. 662 00:31:08,200 --> 00:31:11,240 Speaker 4: Actually, ah, yeah, that ring company sucks. 663 00:31:11,560 --> 00:31:15,320 Speaker 2: Ring company sucks. I do have mixed feelings about who's 664 00:31:15,360 --> 00:31:20,760 Speaker 2: responsible for the ring because she did say I want 665 00:31:20,800 --> 00:31:25,880 Speaker 2: to marry you proposed to me soon. At the same time, though, 666 00:31:25,920 --> 00:31:30,760 Speaker 2: I'm like, she can change her mind and say no. Yeah, 667 00:31:30,960 --> 00:31:33,440 Speaker 2: it's kind of like hepot it. I that he would 668 00:31:33,480 --> 00:31:35,840 Speaker 2: be maybe split it. I don't even know. 669 00:31:36,080 --> 00:31:38,560 Speaker 4: Yeah, I think at least splitting it would be the 670 00:31:38,680 --> 00:31:42,360 Speaker 4: nice thing to do again. She is absolutely like complete 671 00:31:42,440 --> 00:31:45,280 Speaker 4: right to be like. I wasn't sure, but it doesn't 672 00:31:45,320 --> 00:31:47,920 Speaker 4: bode well for the relationship that she didn't communicate that 673 00:31:48,080 --> 00:31:52,280 Speaker 4: and is not willing to take any, like any of. 674 00:31:52,200 --> 00:31:53,240 Speaker 2: The blame for this. 675 00:31:54,680 --> 00:31:56,960 Speaker 4: So I feel like it's not gonna work out if 676 00:31:57,000 --> 00:31:59,560 Speaker 4: this is kind of how she's treating it. 677 00:31:59,720 --> 00:32:02,400 Speaker 2: I'll let the money go. I understand it's petty of 678 00:32:02,440 --> 00:32:04,720 Speaker 2: me to let it bother me so much. It's just 679 00:32:04,800 --> 00:32:06,960 Speaker 2: that it is the latest thing that has been going on. 680 00:32:07,560 --> 00:32:10,360 Speaker 2: It seems like it's all doom and gloom according to Reddit. 681 00:32:10,680 --> 00:32:12,840 Speaker 2: I'll keep thinking on it and see what i'll do. 682 00:32:13,000 --> 00:32:15,520 Speaker 2: I'm at least going to be working on myself, that's 683 00:32:15,560 --> 00:32:19,600 Speaker 2: for sure. Edit too, Reddit is so harsh on cheap 684 00:32:19,640 --> 00:32:20,720 Speaker 2: engagement rings. 685 00:32:21,200 --> 00:32:25,480 Speaker 4: Yeah yeah, dude, Sorry, let's just see that coming. 686 00:32:26,400 --> 00:32:28,600 Speaker 2: It almost makes me think half of you are working 687 00:32:28,640 --> 00:32:31,920 Speaker 2: in the jewelry industry. It's only a ring. It shouldn't 688 00:32:31,920 --> 00:32:34,160 Speaker 2: be the basis of the entire relationship. I don't know 689 00:32:34,200 --> 00:32:37,360 Speaker 2: if it's an American thing, but spending five hundred dollars 690 00:32:37,360 --> 00:32:39,840 Speaker 2: on a ring is considered fair over here. 691 00:32:40,480 --> 00:32:42,520 Speaker 4: I don't Okay, Well, it's not just an American thing. 692 00:32:42,560 --> 00:32:43,560 Speaker 4: I can tell you that, but. 693 00:32:43,520 --> 00:32:46,320 Speaker 2: I guess in America, my friends who are engaged or 694 00:32:46,400 --> 00:32:48,840 Speaker 2: married have spent in the range of two hundred to 695 00:32:48,920 --> 00:32:52,120 Speaker 2: one thousand, and it has not been not been a 696 00:32:52,200 --> 00:32:55,400 Speaker 2: contentious problem for them. And it four. People are still 697 00:32:55,440 --> 00:33:00,680 Speaker 2: commenting on the price of the ring. I'm not from America. 698 00:33:00,760 --> 00:33:03,560 Speaker 2: Everyone I talked to was fine with the price of it. Heck, 699 00:33:03,840 --> 00:33:07,600 Speaker 2: not everyone over here proposes with a ring. It's definitely 700 00:33:07,680 --> 00:33:10,640 Speaker 2: just Americans who are this obsessed with engagement rings. Not 701 00:33:10,680 --> 00:33:14,560 Speaker 2: true to c. As for the relationship, the reason why 702 00:33:14,600 --> 00:33:17,800 Speaker 2: she rejected the proposal was that she felt some slight 703 00:33:17,920 --> 00:33:19,400 Speaker 2: feelings for someone at work. 704 00:33:19,840 --> 00:33:20,280 Speaker 3: Yikes. 705 00:33:21,000 --> 00:33:23,239 Speaker 2: She never acted on those feelings, but she said they 706 00:33:23,240 --> 00:33:25,360 Speaker 2: were there. She moved in with her parents for a 707 00:33:25,400 --> 00:33:28,120 Speaker 2: week to sort out her feelings and found out she 708 00:33:28,200 --> 00:33:30,800 Speaker 2: did love me and not the other guy. Is that 709 00:33:30,880 --> 00:33:33,880 Speaker 2: good enough to warrant me taking her back. I don't know, 710 00:33:33,960 --> 00:33:36,560 Speaker 2: but I'm trying to figure that out. I'll make my 711 00:33:36,640 --> 00:33:40,160 Speaker 2: decision over this week. As for the ring, I'm past it. 712 00:33:40,360 --> 00:33:43,160 Speaker 2: I don't give enough about it or the money anymore. 713 00:33:43,960 --> 00:33:48,160 Speaker 2: Atit five. I've actually read every single comment on this post, 714 00:33:48,680 --> 00:33:51,080 Speaker 2: and I appreciate all of you who have been supportive 715 00:33:51,120 --> 00:33:53,800 Speaker 2: and given great advice, aside from the people who are 716 00:33:53,840 --> 00:33:57,200 Speaker 2: obsessing over the ring. Unfortunately, it feels like I'm going 717 00:33:57,360 --> 00:33:59,920 Speaker 2: the way the people have Reddit are proclaiming I'm propa 718 00:34:00,360 --> 00:34:02,920 Speaker 2: going to end it soon and at sick. I think 719 00:34:02,960 --> 00:34:06,360 Speaker 2: a lot of people are misunderstanding the engagement. It's probably 720 00:34:06,440 --> 00:34:09,560 Speaker 2: because I hadn't been clear in my post. After one 721 00:34:09,600 --> 00:34:11,959 Speaker 2: and a half years, we were having an exceptional time 722 00:34:11,960 --> 00:34:15,120 Speaker 2: together and we both saw ourselves getting married. At some point, 723 00:34:15,640 --> 00:34:18,200 Speaker 2: I told her jokingly if we should get engaged, and 724 00:34:18,280 --> 00:34:20,640 Speaker 2: she told me she wanted it to be done properly, 725 00:34:20,719 --> 00:34:23,040 Speaker 2: with a ring and at a time when she wouldn't 726 00:34:23,080 --> 00:34:25,960 Speaker 2: know in advance, but that she would appreciate if it 727 00:34:26,000 --> 00:34:30,120 Speaker 2: happened sometime within six months. Six months later, I was 728 00:34:30,160 --> 00:34:33,000 Speaker 2: sure nothing had changed because everything was still the same 729 00:34:33,040 --> 00:34:36,520 Speaker 2: to me. We enjoyed ourselves and were building a future together. 730 00:34:36,760 --> 00:34:39,640 Speaker 2: When I got rejected at the proposal, I was utterly 731 00:34:39,680 --> 00:34:42,760 Speaker 2: whiplashed because we sort of already agreed that we wanted 732 00:34:42,760 --> 00:34:46,160 Speaker 2: to be engaged. I've been feeling sick all day since 733 00:34:46,160 --> 00:34:48,799 Speaker 2: I posted this on Reddit. I couldn't even finish my 734 00:34:48,880 --> 00:34:52,200 Speaker 2: shift at work today because I cannot distract myself. From 735 00:34:52,200 --> 00:34:55,239 Speaker 2: what's going through my mind, I can see this was 736 00:34:55,280 --> 00:34:58,319 Speaker 2: already doomed the moment I posted here. I realize that 737 00:34:58,400 --> 00:35:03,279 Speaker 2: now I guess I'd need subconscious confirmation or something. I 738 00:35:03,320 --> 00:35:05,680 Speaker 2: feel sick to my core, but there is no other 739 00:35:05,719 --> 00:35:08,840 Speaker 2: way of escaping it. Even though most people on Reddit 740 00:35:08,920 --> 00:35:12,160 Speaker 2: seem to think she's horrible, I honestly don't carry any 741 00:35:12,200 --> 00:35:15,200 Speaker 2: ill will towards her. I wish she communicated with me 742 00:35:15,360 --> 00:35:18,120 Speaker 2: back when she was changing her mind, but after coming 743 00:35:18,160 --> 00:35:20,480 Speaker 2: back from her break at her parents, she has tried 744 00:35:20,480 --> 00:35:24,640 Speaker 2: to work on herself. Unfortunately, I think she broke something 745 00:35:24,760 --> 00:35:28,160 Speaker 2: irreplaceable inside me on the day of the proposal, which 746 00:35:28,239 --> 00:35:30,600 Speaker 2: I've tried to get over to save our relationship. But 747 00:35:30,719 --> 00:35:34,439 Speaker 2: I'm conceding defeat because I cannot live with myself this way. 748 00:35:36,120 --> 00:35:40,800 Speaker 2: Edit seven day I broke the news, lots of crying 749 00:35:40,840 --> 00:35:43,160 Speaker 2: for both of us. She tells me that she loves 750 00:35:43,200 --> 00:35:45,719 Speaker 2: me and doesn't want to give up our relationship. I 751 00:35:45,760 --> 00:35:48,800 Speaker 2: tell her I'm depressed and haven't gotten over the failed proposal. 752 00:35:49,360 --> 00:35:52,040 Speaker 2: She says she couldn't control her feelings, but no, she 753 00:35:52,080 --> 00:35:55,400 Speaker 2: loves me. I said it's for the best if she 754 00:35:55,520 --> 00:35:58,359 Speaker 2: moves back with her parents, and she wonders for how long, 755 00:35:59,080 --> 00:36:01,640 Speaker 2: I said, I don't know, but at least for December 756 00:36:01,680 --> 00:36:04,439 Speaker 2: most likely. She told me I could take as long 757 00:36:04,480 --> 00:36:07,280 Speaker 2: as I wanted. My plan is to live my best life, 758 00:36:07,760 --> 00:36:10,280 Speaker 2: and if I miss her still, maybe we could try again. 759 00:36:10,640 --> 00:36:13,799 Speaker 2: If not end it for good. For anyone thinking she's 760 00:36:13,800 --> 00:36:16,680 Speaker 2: been cheating, she has not, nor do I think she will. 761 00:36:17,560 --> 00:36:20,680 Speaker 2: Final edit. We've had a long, difficult talk together and 762 00:36:20,760 --> 00:36:22,600 Speaker 2: we've come to the conclusion that we are going to 763 00:36:22,680 --> 00:36:25,440 Speaker 2: work through our problems together. For anyone dealing with the 764 00:36:25,480 --> 00:36:29,279 Speaker 2: relationship troubles, stay the f off Reddit. Most people on 765 00:36:29,360 --> 00:36:32,520 Speaker 2: here are so bitter they want to ruin everyone else's 766 00:36:32,560 --> 00:36:35,440 Speaker 2: relationships as well. There are a couple of great people 767 00:36:35,480 --> 00:36:38,080 Speaker 2: here with experience that made me sway the other way, 768 00:36:38,600 --> 00:36:41,719 Speaker 2: as well as the conversation I had, Thank you and 769 00:36:42,000 --> 00:36:45,239 Speaker 2: edit eight you lie to people, You liar. I didn't 770 00:36:45,239 --> 00:36:47,960 Speaker 2: get time yesterday to properly write the update I wanted to, 771 00:36:48,400 --> 00:36:50,360 Speaker 2: but a lot of people here are wondering what the 772 00:36:50,440 --> 00:36:52,880 Speaker 2: ring looks like, so here it is. There is a 773 00:36:52,960 --> 00:36:53,800 Speaker 2: link to the ring. 774 00:36:54,000 --> 00:36:56,640 Speaker 4: Yes, click, I'm on it. 775 00:36:57,160 --> 00:36:57,839 Speaker 3: Yeah. 776 00:36:58,239 --> 00:37:00,560 Speaker 2: Just don't buy anything from this merch and unless you're 777 00:37:00,560 --> 00:37:03,040 Speaker 2: one hundred percent content on keeping whatever you buy. 778 00:37:03,520 --> 00:37:05,960 Speaker 4: I mean, I think that, like, compared to all the 779 00:37:06,000 --> 00:37:08,920 Speaker 4: other stories that we've been reading today, yours is definitely 780 00:37:08,920 --> 00:37:11,960 Speaker 4: a relationship that can be worked on. I do worry 781 00:37:12,000 --> 00:37:16,160 Speaker 4: about the kind of cavalierness of how she took all 782 00:37:16,200 --> 00:37:19,360 Speaker 4: of that, but I don't think it's you know, I 783 00:37:19,360 --> 00:37:23,160 Speaker 4: think it's definitely something that you could work on. I 784 00:37:23,200 --> 00:37:27,320 Speaker 4: don't think it means you know, it's completely over. I 785 00:37:27,360 --> 00:37:30,520 Speaker 4: would agree, yeah, And it seems like you got you 786 00:37:30,600 --> 00:37:33,520 Speaker 4: both are willing to work on it, so you know, 787 00:37:33,640 --> 00:37:34,880 Speaker 4: maybe just don't get rid of that ring. 788 00:37:34,960 --> 00:37:38,439 Speaker 2: Yet, other people are doubting our relationship because they're so 789 00:37:38,480 --> 00:37:42,280 Speaker 2: sure my girlfriend cheated. I know for a fact she didn't, 790 00:37:42,560 --> 00:37:45,480 Speaker 2: and I stand by that. Others are asking for an 791 00:37:45,560 --> 00:37:48,560 Speaker 2: update after some months, and I'll do that. I think 792 00:37:48,600 --> 00:37:51,040 Speaker 2: I'll prove most of Reddit wrong that it will not 793 00:37:51,080 --> 00:37:53,720 Speaker 2: be a mistake. But if I'm wrong, I'll be humbled. 794 00:37:53,719 --> 00:37:57,759 Speaker 2: At least. After waking up today, I felt a lot 795 00:37:57,800 --> 00:38:01,120 Speaker 2: better about the entire situation, and I honestly think this 796 00:38:01,400 --> 00:38:04,920 Speaker 2: was the best outcome. I love her and I still 797 00:38:04,960 --> 00:38:08,279 Speaker 2: think she's the one for me, but we've got relationship 798 00:38:08,360 --> 00:38:11,160 Speaker 2: challenges that face us, and rather than give up in 799 00:38:11,200 --> 00:38:14,000 Speaker 2: the face of trouble, we'd rather try to get through 800 00:38:14,040 --> 00:38:17,279 Speaker 2: those challenges than just give up again. Thanks to the 801 00:38:17,320 --> 00:38:20,719 Speaker 2: people sending support. I appreciate you guys. And that's the 802 00:38:20,800 --> 00:38:26,520 Speaker 2: end of that storyo Pe. The guy I'm talking to is. 803 00:38:26,520 --> 00:38:29,400 Speaker 4: Already taken, and he kept it a secret. 804 00:38:30,160 --> 00:38:31,080 Speaker 2: That's cheating. 805 00:38:31,719 --> 00:38:34,879 Speaker 4: I nineteen female, met Kieran twenty two male in late 806 00:38:35,000 --> 00:38:37,960 Speaker 4: May twenty twenty four on a dating app and we 807 00:38:38,040 --> 00:38:42,120 Speaker 4: hit it off immediately. I've never clicked with anyone so fast. 808 00:38:42,800 --> 00:38:46,080 Speaker 4: Important context, we discovered he went to high school with 809 00:38:46,120 --> 00:38:49,600 Speaker 4: my cousin Molly and was friends with her. My uncle 810 00:38:49,719 --> 00:38:52,160 Speaker 4: was actually one of his favorite teachers. By the way, 811 00:38:52,239 --> 00:38:54,960 Speaker 4: this comes from Cautious Koala thirteen sixty one. And if 812 00:38:55,000 --> 00:38:56,360 Speaker 4: you want to smit your own stories, go to. 813 00:38:56,360 --> 00:38:57,800 Speaker 2: The r slash Okay storytime. 814 00:38:57,840 --> 00:38:58,320 Speaker 3: Suburt. 815 00:38:58,480 --> 00:39:00,800 Speaker 2: I'm Sophia, I'm Carl, I'm Angie. 816 00:39:00,960 --> 00:39:03,000 Speaker 4: We're here to give good advice youuofully, but we don't 817 00:39:03,040 --> 00:39:05,399 Speaker 4: have all the answers. We only know what we'd do, 818 00:39:05,640 --> 00:39:07,760 Speaker 4: so let us know what you would do in the comments, 819 00:39:07,920 --> 00:39:11,400 Speaker 4: and Op says after getting my number, we texted non 820 00:39:11,520 --> 00:39:15,760 Speaker 4: stop for nearly two weeks, with nightly FaceTime calls lasting 821 00:39:15,840 --> 00:39:21,200 Speaker 4: seven plus hours. He was extremely thirty and overtly and 822 00:39:21,400 --> 00:39:25,720 Speaker 4: overtly romantic. I'm sensitive to love bombing, but this felt different. 823 00:39:26,360 --> 00:39:29,440 Speaker 4: Maybe that was my mistake. I asked Molly about him, 824 00:39:29,440 --> 00:39:32,600 Speaker 4: and she had nothing but glowing things to say, as 825 00:39:32,680 --> 00:39:35,759 Speaker 4: did my uncle. We spent one perfect day together in 826 00:39:35,800 --> 00:39:40,239 Speaker 4: person before everything went suck. When I asked where he 827 00:39:40,280 --> 00:39:43,279 Speaker 4: saw things going, he sent a long message saying he 828 00:39:43,400 --> 00:39:46,320 Speaker 4: didn't want a relationship because he was working on himself 829 00:39:46,400 --> 00:39:49,960 Speaker 4: and couldn't commit. He apologized, said he didn't mean to 830 00:39:50,040 --> 00:39:52,600 Speaker 4: lead me on, and added that he could still see 831 00:39:52,680 --> 00:39:55,440 Speaker 4: us ending up together. He just asked me to be 832 00:39:55,520 --> 00:39:59,799 Speaker 4: patient and myself. And at that point, if you don't 833 00:39:59,800 --> 00:40:04,960 Speaker 4: want a casual relationship, you say no, right. It sounds 834 00:40:04,960 --> 00:40:06,680 Speaker 4: like you don't want a casual relationship, so you. 835 00:40:06,840 --> 00:40:07,480 Speaker 2: Just gotta end it. 836 00:40:07,719 --> 00:40:10,480 Speaker 4: I know how naive that sounds now. I told him 837 00:40:10,520 --> 00:40:13,080 Speaker 4: it was okay then, since screenshots of the sweet things 838 00:40:13,080 --> 00:40:15,040 Speaker 4: he said and told him not to say things like 839 00:40:15,080 --> 00:40:18,280 Speaker 4: that if he didn't mean them, I figured we were done. 840 00:40:18,480 --> 00:40:21,319 Speaker 4: I cried, felt disappointed, and started trying to move on, 841 00:40:22,719 --> 00:40:25,759 Speaker 4: but he didn't leave For the past year, Kieran and 842 00:40:25,800 --> 00:40:30,279 Speaker 4: I have have had consistent, frequent contact. We got to 843 00:40:30,320 --> 00:40:33,040 Speaker 4: know each other incredibly well. At first, I was fine 844 00:40:33,040 --> 00:40:35,600 Speaker 4: with just being friends, but a few months in he 845 00:40:35,680 --> 00:40:39,719 Speaker 4: started flirting again. I completely fell for him. He's got 846 00:40:39,800 --> 00:40:45,360 Speaker 4: the most incredible mind, sensitive, kind, stubborn into a fault, sharp, witty, 847 00:40:45,440 --> 00:40:46,760 Speaker 4: and incredibly hard worker. 848 00:40:46,840 --> 00:40:50,640 Speaker 2: And a cheater and a cheater. He's curious, passionate, logical 849 00:40:50,680 --> 00:40:52,400 Speaker 2: almost to a fault. Maybe the faults. 850 00:40:52,400 --> 00:40:56,480 Speaker 4: He's a cheater and ridiculously intelligent, and a cheating cheater. 851 00:40:56,840 --> 00:40:59,000 Speaker 4: He made me see things I didn't know I wanted 852 00:40:59,080 --> 00:41:03,760 Speaker 4: in a person. He challenges me intellectually and spiritually makes 853 00:41:03,800 --> 00:41:07,120 Speaker 4: me want to grow. When I had major back surgery, 854 00:41:07,320 --> 00:41:10,480 Speaker 4: he sent the sweetest messages in the hospital, reminding me 855 00:41:10,600 --> 00:41:13,479 Speaker 4: I was beautiful and saying he hoped it would help. 856 00:41:13,600 --> 00:41:17,200 Speaker 4: When I spiraled, he grounded and reassured me so easily. 857 00:41:17,440 --> 00:41:20,680 Speaker 4: I've never met anyone like him. Here's a timeline of 858 00:41:20,680 --> 00:41:23,919 Speaker 4: some moments that stood out. October, at a football game, 859 00:41:24,000 --> 00:41:27,080 Speaker 4: I mentioned it was cold. He replied, I could warm 860 00:41:27,120 --> 00:41:30,840 Speaker 4: you up with a hug if I was there. November, 861 00:41:30,920 --> 00:41:33,560 Speaker 4: after losing friends over the election, he went on about 862 00:41:33,560 --> 00:41:34,879 Speaker 4: how amazing I am and. 863 00:41:34,840 --> 00:41:36,759 Speaker 2: How grateful he was to still have me. 864 00:41:37,000 --> 00:41:40,320 Speaker 4: December, he'd send a random text like, Hey, just wanted 865 00:41:40,320 --> 00:41:41,840 Speaker 4: to let you know you're beautiful? 866 00:41:43,040 --> 00:41:45,160 Speaker 2: Are these the good things that you're telling us about? 867 00:41:45,760 --> 00:41:48,160 Speaker 2: Is all the good things he does? Just tell you 868 00:41:48,200 --> 00:41:50,480 Speaker 2: that you're beautiful, giving you attention. 869 00:41:50,840 --> 00:41:54,600 Speaker 4: She's like, he compliments me, so he must be the one. 870 00:41:54,920 --> 00:41:58,439 Speaker 4: When I once joked, mister last name, is that sarcasm 871 00:41:58,480 --> 00:42:02,080 Speaker 4: I'm sensing, he replied, why, yes, darling, it is. 872 00:42:02,080 --> 00:42:06,960 Speaker 6: Isn't that supposed to be like really impressive guys, Darling, 873 00:42:07,160 --> 00:42:11,400 Speaker 6: He's so funny and charismatic guys I can like overlook 874 00:42:11,480 --> 00:42:12,880 Speaker 6: the cheating because of this. 875 00:42:13,640 --> 00:42:17,520 Speaker 4: He responded to an Instagram story with your blushing, I said, 876 00:42:17,560 --> 00:42:20,960 Speaker 4: I was hot temperature, and he replied, very true. 877 00:42:22,080 --> 00:42:26,120 Speaker 2: Girl, girl, this is cringey. Do we have their ages? 878 00:42:26,440 --> 00:42:28,360 Speaker 3: I don't know, because this is crazy. 879 00:42:28,360 --> 00:42:30,799 Speaker 2: I think maybe what you were saying is. 880 00:42:30,719 --> 00:42:35,080 Speaker 4: That this is proof of him flirting, which is true 881 00:42:35,120 --> 00:42:38,919 Speaker 4: for sure, sure flirting, And maybe I just this isn't 882 00:42:39,000 --> 00:42:39,719 Speaker 4: proof of him. 883 00:42:39,640 --> 00:42:40,840 Speaker 3: Being like a great guy. 884 00:42:41,160 --> 00:42:44,000 Speaker 2: I hope not, because it's just proof that he's flirting. 885 00:42:44,000 --> 00:42:46,879 Speaker 3: They're in their late twenties. No, this is like high 886 00:42:46,920 --> 00:42:49,480 Speaker 3: school behavior, high school style flirting. 887 00:42:49,760 --> 00:42:53,680 Speaker 4: Oh pee, oh pe April, he noticed I dyed my 888 00:42:53,760 --> 00:42:57,160 Speaker 4: hair darker and called it cute. He said I was 889 00:42:57,200 --> 00:42:59,719 Speaker 4: as gorgeous as ever and joked he was surprised I 890 00:42:59,760 --> 00:43:01,160 Speaker 4: had a swooped up yet. 891 00:43:01,680 --> 00:43:02,560 Speaker 2: For his birthday, I. 892 00:43:02,480 --> 00:43:04,719 Speaker 4: Sent a list of twenty two things I love about 893 00:43:04,800 --> 00:43:09,279 Speaker 4: him and a cameo from a TV creator he admires May. 894 00:43:09,440 --> 00:43:12,360 Speaker 4: He called late one night just to talk. Got concerned 895 00:43:12,360 --> 00:43:15,640 Speaker 4: about being me, being outside alone, and kept repeating someone 896 00:43:15,640 --> 00:43:16,759 Speaker 4: could snatch me up. 897 00:43:17,360 --> 00:43:19,280 Speaker 2: Specifically, he could. 898 00:43:20,000 --> 00:43:22,560 Speaker 4: We joked about going blind, and he said if that happened, 899 00:43:22,600 --> 00:43:26,200 Speaker 4: he'd never see my smile again. I accidentally mentioned I 900 00:43:26,239 --> 00:43:28,919 Speaker 4: had a photo album of our screenshots. When I joked 901 00:43:28,920 --> 00:43:31,239 Speaker 4: about him dating Molly just to see my uncle more, 902 00:43:31,320 --> 00:43:34,600 Speaker 4: he said, no, I think I just date you. Yeah, 903 00:43:34,600 --> 00:43:36,520 Speaker 4: so I guess I guess this is just proof that 904 00:43:36,560 --> 00:43:37,239 Speaker 4: he's sleeping. 905 00:43:37,480 --> 00:43:41,040 Speaker 2: I know, but it also just has these underlying tones 906 00:43:41,080 --> 00:43:45,120 Speaker 2: of like, isn't that so sweet? And yeah, it's hurting me, 907 00:43:45,320 --> 00:43:47,799 Speaker 2: it hurts me. June July, more flirting. 908 00:43:48,080 --> 00:43:50,440 Speaker 4: When I had a crisis about going back to blonde, 909 00:43:50,480 --> 00:43:53,960 Speaker 4: he begged me to stay dark, calling it super gorgeous 910 00:43:54,480 --> 00:43:57,279 Speaker 4: with my eyes. He reacted to another story with your 911 00:43:57,280 --> 00:44:02,759 Speaker 4: eyes wow wow starry emojis. He started writing a book 912 00:44:02,760 --> 00:44:05,880 Speaker 4: and sent me chapters as he finished them, even added 913 00:44:05,880 --> 00:44:08,080 Speaker 4: me to the dock to leave edits. I poured my 914 00:44:08,239 --> 00:44:11,200 Speaker 4: heart into my feedback, praised his mind and his talent. 915 00:44:12,080 --> 00:44:14,840 Speaker 4: One night in late June, he facetimed me close to 916 00:44:14,880 --> 00:44:17,879 Speaker 4: midnight for help with dialogue. We stayed on long after 917 00:44:17,920 --> 00:44:20,279 Speaker 4: we finished, and he eventually fell asleep on the call, 918 00:44:21,680 --> 00:44:25,040 Speaker 4: but his reactions to me flirting back got weirder. I 919 00:44:25,080 --> 00:44:27,440 Speaker 4: asked him if it made him uncomfortable and said I 920 00:44:27,440 --> 00:44:29,440 Speaker 4: could stop just trying to match his energy. 921 00:44:29,719 --> 00:44:31,920 Speaker 2: He replied, that's not what I want to have happened. 922 00:44:32,000 --> 00:44:33,000 Speaker 3: You can say those things. 923 00:44:33,040 --> 00:44:41,160 Speaker 4: I'm just bad at taking compliments. Still, things felt off. 924 00:44:41,280 --> 00:44:43,439 Speaker 4: I asked if I was actually going to see him again, 925 00:44:43,520 --> 00:44:46,000 Speaker 4: or if that had just been a hypothetical no reply. 926 00:44:46,800 --> 00:44:49,680 Speaker 4: The next day, he messaged me with the subject change. 927 00:44:49,920 --> 00:44:52,759 Speaker 4: When I called him on it, he replied, HM, I 928 00:44:52,760 --> 00:44:53,600 Speaker 4: don't have an answer. 929 00:44:53,800 --> 00:44:54,960 Speaker 3: Uh huh. 930 00:44:55,440 --> 00:44:58,120 Speaker 4: That night, I accidentally sent a long message i'd been 931 00:44:58,160 --> 00:45:02,279 Speaker 4: drafting and immediately unsent it, but he saw the next day, 932 00:45:02,320 --> 00:45:05,920 Speaker 4: I said screw it and sent it anyway. I told 933 00:45:06,000 --> 00:45:08,239 Speaker 4: him I didn't understand why he'd still talk to me 934 00:45:08,280 --> 00:45:12,320 Speaker 4: if he didn't want anything real. Pretending didn't protect my feelings. 935 00:45:12,840 --> 00:45:15,520 Speaker 4: I gave him an out, which I'd done twice before, 936 00:45:15,560 --> 00:45:19,640 Speaker 4: and he never took. The conversation was awkward and tense, 937 00:45:19,719 --> 00:45:23,000 Speaker 4: but we ended up bantering again. He left me on delivered, 938 00:45:23,040 --> 00:45:25,319 Speaker 4: but I noticed he had saved a voice memo from 939 00:45:25,360 --> 00:45:29,040 Speaker 4: two months prior, meaning he'd been strolling back through our messages. 940 00:45:29,520 --> 00:45:35,520 Speaker 4: Then Instagram suggested a profile Veronica twenty three female. Her 941 00:45:35,520 --> 00:45:38,240 Speaker 4: picture was of her and Kieran at a wedding reception. 942 00:45:39,040 --> 00:45:43,640 Speaker 2: My heart dropped. It was immediate physical pain. Oh, we 943 00:45:43,680 --> 00:45:45,600 Speaker 2: didn't know yet because. 944 00:45:45,320 --> 00:45:48,640 Speaker 4: She's just finding out that there is another woman. I 945 00:45:48,680 --> 00:45:52,000 Speaker 4: searched Facebook and found more. The photo was from June, 946 00:45:52,239 --> 00:45:55,040 Speaker 4: less than a month old. I found another from August 947 00:45:55,040 --> 00:45:57,440 Speaker 4: of last year, two months after he told me he 948 00:45:57,560 --> 00:46:01,279 Speaker 4: was working on himself. Then remembered to Facebook post from 949 00:46:01,320 --> 00:46:05,080 Speaker 4: December him tagged at a family gingerbread party with his parents' sisters, 950 00:46:05,200 --> 00:46:08,319 Speaker 4: their partner's him, and her. That same week, he was 951 00:46:08,360 --> 00:46:11,320 Speaker 4: texting me, calling me darling and telling me I was beautiful. 952 00:46:12,480 --> 00:46:16,759 Speaker 4: I sat in shock for six hours, replaying everything from 953 00:46:16,800 --> 00:46:20,160 Speaker 4: the past year. I desperately looked for proof they weren't 954 00:46:20,200 --> 00:46:24,200 Speaker 4: really together, clinging to silly details like her profiles still 955 00:46:24,239 --> 00:46:25,240 Speaker 4: saying single. 956 00:46:25,760 --> 00:46:27,279 Speaker 2: At four thirty am, I. 957 00:46:27,280 --> 00:46:31,120 Speaker 4: Posted a vague, cryptic story Kieran was the only one 958 00:46:31,160 --> 00:46:34,279 Speaker 4: on my close friend's list, not in a manipulative way. 959 00:46:34,320 --> 00:46:36,040 Speaker 4: I just often shared things meant for him. 960 00:46:36,880 --> 00:46:39,840 Speaker 2: All right, he texted the next morning. You good. 961 00:46:40,360 --> 00:46:43,800 Speaker 4: I replied that I wasn't. When he pressed, I explained 962 00:46:43,800 --> 00:46:46,520 Speaker 4: I saw a profile pick that made me question everything. 963 00:46:47,120 --> 00:46:49,319 Speaker 4: He asked who, and I said I didn't know how 964 00:46:49,360 --> 00:46:52,480 Speaker 4: to answer, mirroring how he had avoided answering. When I 965 00:46:52,480 --> 00:46:55,200 Speaker 4: asked if I'd ever see him again, he got cold 966 00:46:55,239 --> 00:46:59,880 Speaker 4: and short. Even without confirmation, his reaction felt selfish, considering 967 00:47:00,080 --> 00:47:04,279 Speaker 4: I was obviously hurting. A few days later, I reached out, 968 00:47:04,320 --> 00:47:06,000 Speaker 4: asking for help with the theater scene. 969 00:47:06,120 --> 00:47:07,080 Speaker 2: He called helped. 970 00:47:07,200 --> 00:47:11,640 Speaker 4: Then we got into a deep debate about Shakespeare's relevance. Ironically, 971 00:47:11,680 --> 00:47:15,640 Speaker 4: he insisted he never related to a Shakespeare character, right 972 00:47:15,680 --> 00:47:19,640 Speaker 4: before making an offhand comment about maybe being married next year. 973 00:47:19,920 --> 00:47:23,560 Speaker 4: That was my opening. I asked if he was dating someone. Suddenly, 974 00:47:23,600 --> 00:47:25,960 Speaker 4: his tea bag was the most interesting thing in the world. 975 00:47:26,520 --> 00:47:30,160 Speaker 4: When I asked again, he said yes. He I asked 976 00:47:30,160 --> 00:47:31,400 Speaker 4: why he never told me? 977 00:47:31,719 --> 00:47:32,920 Speaker 3: You never asked? 978 00:47:34,200 --> 00:47:36,600 Speaker 2: I'm sorry. I didn't know when I found someone on 979 00:47:36,640 --> 00:47:39,399 Speaker 2: a dating app that my first question had to be hey, 980 00:47:39,640 --> 00:47:42,480 Speaker 2: or you're dating relationship I should know about. 981 00:47:42,840 --> 00:47:45,279 Speaker 4: Yeah, he's like you never you never even asked me 982 00:47:45,360 --> 00:47:46,400 Speaker 4: about my relationship. 983 00:47:46,440 --> 00:47:47,400 Speaker 3: That's so rude of you. 984 00:47:48,080 --> 00:47:51,239 Speaker 4: I asked how long they'd been together. He dodged that 985 00:47:52,040 --> 00:47:54,760 Speaker 4: no straight answer, and I ended the call soon after 986 00:47:55,239 --> 00:47:59,200 Speaker 4: his discomfort with my tone. Shift said it all that night. 987 00:47:59,280 --> 00:48:02,560 Speaker 4: I couldn't sleep. By four am, I'd written and sent 988 00:48:02,600 --> 00:48:04,960 Speaker 4: a message laying it all out. I told him this 989 00:48:05,080 --> 00:48:09,000 Speaker 4: wasn't appropriate behavior from someone with a girlfriend. I brought 990 00:48:09,080 --> 00:48:12,799 Speaker 4: up the flirting compliments calls, his I just date you 991 00:48:13,120 --> 00:48:16,360 Speaker 4: line from two months ago. I pointed out the emotional 992 00:48:16,360 --> 00:48:19,200 Speaker 4: intimacy of sharing his book and letting my and letting 993 00:48:19,200 --> 00:48:22,520 Speaker 4: me pour my heart out to another girl's boyfriend that 994 00:48:22,600 --> 00:48:25,239 Speaker 4: he knew I loved him, and still told me you 995 00:48:25,320 --> 00:48:29,279 Speaker 4: can say those things. I called it emotional cheating. It's 996 00:48:29,320 --> 00:48:32,840 Speaker 4: been two and a half days, no response. Do I 997 00:48:32,880 --> 00:48:37,080 Speaker 4: tell Veronica, I feel like Jean Valjean. If I speak, 998 00:48:37,120 --> 00:48:38,279 Speaker 4: I am condemned. 999 00:48:38,440 --> 00:48:40,799 Speaker 2: If I stay silent, I damned. 1000 00:48:41,000 --> 00:48:44,760 Speaker 4: Yeah, that's how she feels, condemned to lose him forever 1001 00:48:45,120 --> 00:48:48,120 Speaker 4: and be seen as the villain, damned for letting another 1002 00:48:48,200 --> 00:48:51,040 Speaker 4: girl suffer in silence the way I did, just like 1003 00:48:51,120 --> 00:48:51,880 Speaker 4: Jean Beljean. 1004 00:48:52,160 --> 00:48:53,720 Speaker 2: Tell the girl and block him. 1005 00:48:54,760 --> 00:48:57,120 Speaker 4: Yeah, and my aunt and friends say I should tell her. 1006 00:48:57,160 --> 00:48:59,759 Speaker 4: But what if she thinks I'm crazy? Maybe she knows 1007 00:48:59,800 --> 00:49:00,400 Speaker 4: about me. 1008 00:49:00,920 --> 00:49:03,200 Speaker 2: Maybe he's just like this with everyone and she's okay 1009 00:49:03,239 --> 00:49:05,200 Speaker 2: with it. Girl, you have proof. Just send it to her. 1010 00:49:05,400 --> 00:49:07,560 Speaker 4: Yeah, but even if she knows of me, I doubt 1011 00:49:07,560 --> 00:49:09,439 Speaker 4: she knows what he's saying to me behind her back. 1012 00:49:10,239 --> 00:49:11,600 Speaker 2: Any final thoughts. 1013 00:49:12,200 --> 00:49:14,920 Speaker 4: Tell his girlfriend, Yeah, tell his girlfriend. You got enough 1014 00:49:14,960 --> 00:49:17,000 Speaker 4: proof even if you know I don't know. 1015 00:49:17,840 --> 00:49:18,319 Speaker 3: That was good. 1016 00:49:18,440 --> 00:49:18,879 Speaker 2: That's enough. 1017 00:49:18,960 --> 00:49:20,960 Speaker 4: You don't need that much proof to be like, yeah, 1018 00:49:20,960 --> 00:49:22,840 Speaker 4: he's been texting me for months. I didn't know he 1019 00:49:22,880 --> 00:49:23,640 Speaker 4: had a girlfriend. 1020 00:49:23,719 --> 00:49:25,640 Speaker 2: And then like, Okay, if she knows about it, she's 1021 00:49:25,640 --> 00:49:26,719 Speaker 2: fine with it, that's that. 1022 00:49:26,800 --> 00:49:28,960 Speaker 4: Yeah, And then I say he's done a job. I 1023 00:49:29,040 --> 00:49:32,360 Speaker 4: need perspective. Was this really as bad as it felt? 1024 00:49:32,400 --> 00:49:34,600 Speaker 4: Or would Veronica see the scream chance and think it 1025 00:49:34,640 --> 00:49:37,360 Speaker 4: was nothing. My friends are on my side, but maybe 1026 00:49:37,360 --> 00:49:39,719 Speaker 4: they're biased. I want to be a girl's girl, but 1027 00:49:39,760 --> 00:49:40,719 Speaker 4: I'm scared i'd just. 1028 00:49:40,600 --> 00:49:41,480 Speaker 2: Be making it worse. 1029 00:49:41,640 --> 00:49:43,600 Speaker 4: I mean, you will be making it worse, but in 1030 00:49:43,640 --> 00:49:44,920 Speaker 4: the long run, you're making it better. 1031 00:49:45,080 --> 00:49:47,279 Speaker 2: She needs to know. Does it make me awful that 1032 00:49:47,360 --> 00:49:49,440 Speaker 2: my first instinct is to stay quiet? 1033 00:49:49,800 --> 00:49:52,399 Speaker 4: No, but it would make you not great if your 1034 00:49:52,480 --> 00:49:55,279 Speaker 4: second instinct was to stay quiet. That's some tiny part 1035 00:49:55,280 --> 00:49:57,360 Speaker 4: of me still loves him and hopes he'll come back someday. 1036 00:49:57,400 --> 00:49:59,759 Speaker 4: You don't love him, You don't love him. I'd never 1037 00:49:59,800 --> 00:50:03,080 Speaker 4: se sabotage their relationship. You're not sabotaging it. He ruined it. 1038 00:50:03,200 --> 00:50:05,440 Speaker 4: He's cheating on his girlfriend. But if it ended naturally, 1039 00:50:05,520 --> 00:50:08,240 Speaker 4: am I disgusting for not wanting to burn the bridge completely? 1040 00:50:08,760 --> 00:50:10,719 Speaker 4: I don't want to be the obsessive teen you read 1041 00:50:10,760 --> 00:50:13,319 Speaker 4: too much into nothing and tried to blow up someone 1042 00:50:13,360 --> 00:50:16,120 Speaker 4: else's happiness. I'll tell her if people say I should, 1043 00:50:16,200 --> 00:50:18,359 Speaker 4: I want to do the right thing. He was on 1044 00:50:18,400 --> 00:50:19,040 Speaker 4: a dating app. 1045 00:50:19,080 --> 00:50:21,440 Speaker 2: I'm gonna be so real. I am leaning towards you 1046 00:50:21,480 --> 00:50:23,440 Speaker 2: would be the a hole. If their relationship ends and 1047 00:50:23,440 --> 00:50:25,480 Speaker 2: you date this guy, I agree, But am I the 1048 00:50:25,520 --> 00:50:27,440 Speaker 2: ale for being tempted to just leave it alone? 1049 00:50:27,520 --> 00:50:29,680 Speaker 4: You're not the a hole, but don't do it. You're 1050 00:50:29,719 --> 00:50:31,680 Speaker 4: not the a hole for being tempted, but just don't 1051 00:50:31,680 --> 00:50:35,440 Speaker 4: do it. That's the end of the story. Text the 1052 00:50:35,480 --> 00:50:38,600 Speaker 4: girlfriends say, hey, met this guy on a dating app. 1053 00:50:39,280 --> 00:50:41,320 Speaker 2: We've been flirting. Didn't realize you were in the picture. 1054 00:50:42,360 --> 00:50:46,840 Speaker 4: Sorry, Then leave it behind, breakup, I mean not breakup, 1055 00:50:47,080 --> 00:50:49,160 Speaker 4: block him all. 1056 00:50:49,040 --> 00:50:51,239 Speaker 2: That, and that's the end of this story. We're gonna 1057 00:50:51,239 --> 00:50:54,120 Speaker 2: go to the next one. Hey, y'all, it's John og 1058 00:50:54,280 --> 00:50:55,800 Speaker 2: Host here. We're gonna get back to the stories. But 1059 00:50:55,840 --> 00:50:58,000 Speaker 2: here's a quick three minute break from as for more sponsors. 1060 00:50:58,440 --> 00:51:01,799 Speaker 2: My boyfriend's friend to sad on his lap and he 1061 00:51:01,840 --> 00:51:05,839 Speaker 2: acts like it's nothing. That's kind of something. I late 1062 00:51:05,880 --> 00:51:09,440 Speaker 2: twenties females started dating a guy also late twenties. I 1063 00:51:09,600 --> 00:51:12,439 Speaker 2: met through a mutual friend a few months ago. He 1064 00:51:12,600 --> 00:51:15,759 Speaker 2: was amazing and sweet and we hit it off immediately. 1065 00:51:16,440 --> 00:51:19,680 Speaker 2: Lots in common, easy to talk to, fun to be around. 1066 00:51:20,120 --> 00:51:23,360 Speaker 2: By the way, this comes from Numerous Priority three ninety six. 1067 00:51:23,400 --> 00:51:25,280 Speaker 2: And if you want us to make your own stories, 1068 00:51:25,280 --> 00:51:27,760 Speaker 2: go to the r slash Okay Storyteme subreddit. I'm Carly, 1069 00:51:27,960 --> 00:51:30,759 Speaker 2: I'm Sophia, I'm Angie, and we're here to give good 1070 00:51:30,800 --> 00:51:33,319 Speaker 2: advice goofully, but we don't have all the answers. We 1071 00:51:33,400 --> 00:51:35,040 Speaker 2: only know what we would do, So let us know 1072 00:51:35,080 --> 00:51:38,040 Speaker 2: what you would do in the comments. As Opie says, 1073 00:51:38,640 --> 00:51:40,560 Speaker 2: we went on a lot of dates and hung out 1074 00:51:40,600 --> 00:51:44,040 Speaker 2: quite a bit. We had plenty of discussions regarding boundaries 1075 00:51:44,080 --> 00:51:47,640 Speaker 2: and expectations, but there was one I didn't have in 1076 00:51:47,640 --> 00:51:52,560 Speaker 2: in depth conversation about expectations with female friends. I have 1077 00:51:52,680 --> 00:51:55,280 Speaker 2: both male and female friends, and I treat them the same. 1078 00:51:55,800 --> 00:51:58,600 Speaker 2: I don't hang all over my female friends, cuddle with them, 1079 00:51:58,760 --> 00:52:01,680 Speaker 2: or sit on their lap, so obviously I don't do 1080 00:52:01,719 --> 00:52:05,000 Speaker 2: that with my male friends either. To me, it's extremely 1081 00:52:05,040 --> 00:52:09,279 Speaker 2: inappropriate and questionable. Yesterday, Tyler invited me to a barbecue 1082 00:52:09,280 --> 00:52:11,840 Speaker 2: with one of his friend groups. I thought it would 1083 00:52:11,840 --> 00:52:14,400 Speaker 2: be great to see him with his friends. I'm a 1084 00:52:14,440 --> 00:52:18,200 Speaker 2: big believer in watching how your significant other behaves around 1085 00:52:18,239 --> 00:52:21,160 Speaker 2: and treats family and friends. You can learn a lot 1086 00:52:21,200 --> 00:52:24,279 Speaker 2: from this. When we arrived, there was a good mix 1087 00:52:24,320 --> 00:52:27,920 Speaker 2: of his guy friends and female friends. As we were introduced, 1088 00:52:28,080 --> 00:52:30,600 Speaker 2: all his female friends gave him a hug Hello I 1089 00:52:30,680 --> 00:52:33,680 Speaker 2: had no issue with that. If I haven't seen a 1090 00:52:33,719 --> 00:52:35,839 Speaker 2: friend in a long time, I'll give them a hug too. 1091 00:52:36,400 --> 00:52:41,120 Speaker 2: If it had stopped there, I would have had no problem. Oh, 1092 00:52:41,160 --> 00:52:44,600 Speaker 2: but it didn't. Within the first ten minutes, various female 1093 00:52:44,640 --> 00:52:47,120 Speaker 2: friends would come up to him, put their arms around 1094 00:52:47,200 --> 00:52:49,560 Speaker 2: him while he stood there talking, lay their heads on 1095 00:52:49,600 --> 00:52:50,160 Speaker 2: his shoulders. 1096 00:52:50,239 --> 00:52:52,239 Speaker 4: If it was one girl, I'd be more inclined to 1097 00:52:52,239 --> 00:52:54,680 Speaker 4: be like, that's little. I still think he'll PI has 1098 00:52:54,680 --> 00:52:56,640 Speaker 4: a right to be like, hey, it doesn't you know. 1099 00:52:56,680 --> 00:53:00,919 Speaker 4: I don't love that. However, I think it's like it's 1100 00:53:01,360 --> 00:53:05,720 Speaker 4: less alarm bells to me because all like multiple friends. 1101 00:53:05,719 --> 00:53:08,759 Speaker 2: I would think as a female, though, knowing that it's 1102 00:53:08,760 --> 00:53:13,239 Speaker 2: the first time that I'm meeting my friend's girlfriend, I'd 1103 00:53:13,239 --> 00:53:15,880 Speaker 2: probably be a little bit more Yeah, I agree, I'd 1104 00:53:15,880 --> 00:53:16,960 Speaker 2: be respecting boundaries. 1105 00:53:17,040 --> 00:53:18,799 Speaker 4: Yeah, which is why I think it's it's fair for 1106 00:53:18,840 --> 00:53:21,440 Speaker 4: OP to be like eh, but I do think on it, 1107 00:53:21,640 --> 00:53:23,759 Speaker 4: like in defense of her boyfriend, I think that's like 1108 00:53:23,840 --> 00:53:24,960 Speaker 4: less of an alarm. 1109 00:53:26,320 --> 00:53:29,240 Speaker 2: I started to feel very uncomfortable when we sat down 1110 00:53:29,360 --> 00:53:33,360 Speaker 2: after being there for an hour. One of his female 1111 00:53:33,360 --> 00:53:36,239 Speaker 2: friends came up and sat on his lap while I 1112 00:53:36,400 --> 00:53:39,640 Speaker 2: was sitting next to him, and he did nothing. 1113 00:53:39,320 --> 00:53:42,200 Speaker 4: To stop it. And that's where it crosses a line. 1114 00:53:42,680 --> 00:53:43,560 Speaker 4: That's crossing. 1115 00:53:44,480 --> 00:53:49,480 Speaker 2: I've never dancing on my line at the like constant 1116 00:53:49,560 --> 00:53:53,919 Speaker 2: hugging and leaning and like just like overly, like all 1117 00:53:53,960 --> 00:53:56,400 Speaker 2: over them. I didn't say anything at the time. I 1118 00:53:56,520 --> 00:53:59,640 Speaker 2: just gave Tyler a look like what the heck? He smiled, 1119 00:53:59,680 --> 00:54:02,560 Speaker 2: and I quietly grabbed my purse and went to the 1120 00:54:02,560 --> 00:54:05,640 Speaker 2: bathroom and took a few deep breaths. I texted Tyler 1121 00:54:05,680 --> 00:54:08,799 Speaker 2: saying I wasn't feeling comfortable and was going home. He 1122 00:54:08,880 --> 00:54:10,840 Speaker 2: asked if I was okay, and I said no, but 1123 00:54:10,920 --> 00:54:13,239 Speaker 2: we'd talk later. I would fully stand up and go, 1124 00:54:13,280 --> 00:54:14,919 Speaker 2: oh my god, you can have my seat. I'll take 1125 00:54:14,920 --> 00:54:22,360 Speaker 2: that one, that one's mine. Woo nice. He just said okay. 1126 00:54:22,520 --> 00:54:24,520 Speaker 2: I walked out of the bathroom and she was still 1127 00:54:24,560 --> 00:54:28,200 Speaker 2: sitting on his lap. She was watching everything. We were texting. 1128 00:54:28,480 --> 00:54:30,920 Speaker 4: Yeah, she's doing that on purpose, and he's at her 1129 00:54:30,960 --> 00:54:35,279 Speaker 4: oblivious or he doesn't really like he's what. 1130 00:54:35,440 --> 00:54:40,160 Speaker 2: Though, that's pretty And she's staying on his lap while 1131 00:54:40,160 --> 00:54:42,200 Speaker 2: I got into my car and left. After I got 1132 00:54:42,200 --> 00:54:44,439 Speaker 2: home and calmed down, I prepared what I was going 1133 00:54:44,480 --> 00:54:47,959 Speaker 2: to say. He showed up five minutes later, pissed off 1134 00:54:47,960 --> 00:54:50,640 Speaker 2: because I actually left. He thought I was just saying 1135 00:54:50,680 --> 00:54:52,440 Speaker 2: I was gonna leave to make him go after me, 1136 00:54:52,600 --> 00:54:54,600 Speaker 2: and was shocked when I actually did it. I feel 1137 00:54:54,600 --> 00:54:56,480 Speaker 2: like he wanted to make you jealous. That's what it 1138 00:54:56,480 --> 00:54:56,840 Speaker 2: feels like. 1139 00:54:57,000 --> 00:54:59,319 Speaker 4: Either there's something going on with this girl or he 1140 00:54:59,400 --> 00:55:01,520 Speaker 4: wanted to make you jealous, which is so ikey. 1141 00:55:01,680 --> 00:55:04,560 Speaker 2: He went off about how I was being over dramatic 1142 00:55:04,600 --> 00:55:07,920 Speaker 2: and embarrassed him in front of his friends. My mouth 1143 00:55:08,000 --> 00:55:10,640 Speaker 2: dropped and I just sat there staring at him. He 1144 00:55:10,719 --> 00:55:12,640 Speaker 2: went on to say that they were all just friends 1145 00:55:12,680 --> 00:55:15,440 Speaker 2: and there was nothing between any of them, and he 1146 00:55:15,480 --> 00:55:18,200 Speaker 2: thought I was different because I said, I don't get 1147 00:55:18,320 --> 00:55:20,120 Speaker 2: jealous when men have female friends. 1148 00:55:20,600 --> 00:55:23,400 Speaker 3: There's nothing between you guys because you're too close to 1149 00:55:23,440 --> 00:55:23,839 Speaker 3: each other. 1150 00:55:24,000 --> 00:55:28,440 Speaker 4: Again, I am super supportive of men and women having 1151 00:55:28,480 --> 00:55:31,400 Speaker 4: opposite gender friends because I have many of them, and 1152 00:55:31,440 --> 00:55:32,560 Speaker 4: so does my boyfriend. 1153 00:55:32,800 --> 00:55:35,640 Speaker 2: Yeah, this is a line drawn totally. 1154 00:55:35,680 --> 00:55:38,200 Speaker 4: This is absolutely drawing a line. 1155 00:55:38,239 --> 00:55:41,880 Speaker 2: This is where the bad stigma of having yeah friends 1156 00:55:41,960 --> 00:55:42,399 Speaker 2: comes from. 1157 00:55:42,400 --> 00:55:45,799 Speaker 4: All is like, this crosses a line so hard. 1158 00:55:45,760 --> 00:55:48,160 Speaker 2: And I said, I couldn't expect him to change how 1159 00:55:48,200 --> 00:55:50,960 Speaker 2: he is with his friends. I stayed calm, and for 1160 00:55:51,080 --> 00:55:53,160 Speaker 2: the life of me, I don't know how I did it. 1161 00:55:53,640 --> 00:55:56,359 Speaker 2: I explained, I didn't expect him to change. He could 1162 00:55:56,400 --> 00:55:59,279 Speaker 2: be however he wanted with his female friends. I didn't 1163 00:55:59,280 --> 00:56:02,520 Speaker 2: freak out or throw I calmly exited the situation. 1164 00:56:02,760 --> 00:56:05,120 Speaker 4: I felt uncomfortable and he could do whatever he wants. 1165 00:56:05,400 --> 00:56:07,320 Speaker 4: Doesn't mean you have to stay with them, yep. 1166 00:56:07,480 --> 00:56:09,719 Speaker 2: I then explained that while he was fine with it, 1167 00:56:09,880 --> 00:56:13,320 Speaker 2: I was not, and we should just go our separate ways. 1168 00:56:15,480 --> 00:56:18,640 Speaker 2: He started freaking out even more, saying that my boundaries 1169 00:56:18,719 --> 00:56:21,480 Speaker 2: shouldn't keep him from seeing his friends and being the 1170 00:56:21,480 --> 00:56:24,120 Speaker 2: way he's always been. I told him, you're right, they don't. 1171 00:56:24,520 --> 00:56:27,719 Speaker 2: They keep me from dating someone who lacks boundaries with 1172 00:56:27,800 --> 00:56:31,959 Speaker 2: his female friends. He did not like hearing that. Then 1173 00:56:32,040 --> 00:56:34,759 Speaker 2: he went off again about how I wasn't even going 1174 00:56:34,800 --> 00:56:38,640 Speaker 2: to give him the opportunity to create those boundaries and change. Nope. 1175 00:56:39,120 --> 00:56:42,560 Speaker 2: I couldn't help it. I started laughing. At a certain 1176 00:56:42,560 --> 00:56:46,080 Speaker 2: point it became comical. I told him, no, I wouldn't 1177 00:56:46,080 --> 00:56:49,280 Speaker 2: give him that opportunity, but perhaps he could create boundaries 1178 00:56:49,320 --> 00:56:52,360 Speaker 2: now with them, so any future women he dates won't 1179 00:56:52,360 --> 00:56:53,040 Speaker 2: feel this way. 1180 00:56:53,320 --> 00:56:57,160 Speaker 4: Hell yeah, Ope, he you're killing you. You are crushing 1181 00:56:57,160 --> 00:56:57,880 Speaker 4: it man. 1182 00:56:58,080 --> 00:57:00,799 Speaker 2: Or he could find someone without the cell respect to 1183 00:57:00,920 --> 00:57:05,840 Speaker 2: accept this. He flipped. I stayed calm throughout the entire conversation, 1184 00:57:06,080 --> 00:57:09,760 Speaker 2: which in retrospect might have made him angrier. He started 1185 00:57:09,800 --> 00:57:12,680 Speaker 2: saying how he only slept with one girl in the group, 1186 00:57:12,719 --> 00:57:15,319 Speaker 2: and after they broke up, she kept hanging on him 1187 00:57:15,360 --> 00:57:17,760 Speaker 2: and sitting on his lap. His other female friends just 1188 00:57:17,800 --> 00:57:20,640 Speaker 2: took their cues from her. It wasn't that deep, and 1189 00:57:20,680 --> 00:57:22,920 Speaker 2: he could just tell them to stop when they're around me. 1190 00:57:23,760 --> 00:57:25,720 Speaker 2: I reminded him of what he said about it not 1191 00:57:25,800 --> 00:57:28,680 Speaker 2: being fair that he should have to change, and also 1192 00:57:28,720 --> 00:57:31,080 Speaker 2: that only doing it behind my back would have just 1193 00:57:31,160 --> 00:57:34,680 Speaker 2: made it worse, not better. I explained that this wasn't 1194 00:57:34,680 --> 00:57:36,920 Speaker 2: the right relationship for me and that I wanted to 1195 00:57:36,920 --> 00:57:40,080 Speaker 2: break up. He freaked out again, and I asked him 1196 00:57:40,120 --> 00:57:43,920 Speaker 2: to leave. He stormed out. Since then, he's been blowing 1197 00:57:44,000 --> 00:57:47,720 Speaker 2: up my phone asking for another chance, swearing he'll put 1198 00:57:47,720 --> 00:57:50,160 Speaker 2: boundaries in place when I'm there, and when I'm not, 1199 00:57:50,800 --> 00:57:54,000 Speaker 2: then he'll switch to saying I'm overreacting about the whole thing. 1200 00:57:54,760 --> 00:57:57,360 Speaker 2: He must have given his friends my number, because now 1201 00:57:57,440 --> 00:58:00,560 Speaker 2: some of them are blowing up my phone saying I'm 1202 00:58:00,560 --> 00:58:04,600 Speaker 2: immature and not able to handle real adult friendships and relationships. 1203 00:58:04,880 --> 00:58:08,000 Speaker 2: I've started blocking them all. We're supposed to meet up 1204 00:58:08,040 --> 00:58:10,080 Speaker 2: tomorrow to give each other our stuff back from our 1205 00:58:10,080 --> 00:58:13,160 Speaker 2: respective homes. He said he wants to talk more about 1206 00:58:13,160 --> 00:58:16,560 Speaker 2: this then, So am I overreacting for breaking it off 1207 00:58:16,560 --> 00:58:19,400 Speaker 2: with him after seeing how he interacts with female friends. 1208 00:58:19,840 --> 00:58:22,560 Speaker 2: Any advice for the planned meetup? And we do have 1209 00:58:22,600 --> 00:58:24,080 Speaker 2: an update? Stay broken up? 1210 00:58:24,120 --> 00:58:24,560 Speaker 3: You're good? 1211 00:58:24,880 --> 00:58:25,920 Speaker 2: Yeah, stay broken up. 1212 00:58:25,960 --> 00:58:28,160 Speaker 3: I'm scared for the update then, because this seems so 1213 00:58:28,640 --> 00:58:31,680 Speaker 3: easy to end right now. Yeah, but I don't know 1214 00:58:31,680 --> 00:58:32,320 Speaker 3: what's gonna happen. 1215 00:58:33,320 --> 00:58:37,120 Speaker 2: Let's find out. The mutual friend called me very upset 1216 00:58:37,160 --> 00:58:38,280 Speaker 2: and went off on me. 1217 00:58:38,440 --> 00:58:38,959 Speaker 4: Oh my god. 1218 00:58:38,960 --> 00:58:41,040 Speaker 2: She said she was the one in the friend group 1219 00:58:41,080 --> 00:58:47,040 Speaker 2: that slept within school who don't care. She hooked us 1220 00:58:47,120 --> 00:58:49,960 Speaker 2: up because her current boyfriend was also upset that she 1221 00:58:50,000 --> 00:58:53,200 Speaker 2: behaved this way with Tyler, and she saw no problem 1222 00:58:53,240 --> 00:58:57,240 Speaker 2: with it. They haven't been together very long and he 1223 00:58:57,360 --> 00:58:59,959 Speaker 2: was getting jealous because she would hang all over time. 1224 00:59:00,400 --> 00:59:02,200 Speaker 4: Yeah, I wonder why. 1225 00:59:02,520 --> 00:59:04,760 Speaker 2: She started encouraging the rest of the girls in the 1226 00:59:04,760 --> 00:59:06,720 Speaker 2: friend group to act it the same way, so her 1227 00:59:06,760 --> 00:59:10,400 Speaker 2: boyfriend could see it wasn't weird. When that didn't work, 1228 00:59:10,600 --> 00:59:13,400 Speaker 2: she thought she'd set Tyler up with me, thinking for 1229 00:59:13,520 --> 00:59:16,240 Speaker 2: sure I wouldn't get upset and she could use me 1230 00:59:16,400 --> 00:59:19,480 Speaker 2: as an example of how her boyfriend should react. When 1231 00:59:19,520 --> 00:59:22,680 Speaker 2: she heard how I reacted, she was pissed. Her boyfriend 1232 00:59:22,720 --> 00:59:25,280 Speaker 2: found out. They got into a huge argument, and he 1233 00:59:25,400 --> 00:59:28,040 Speaker 2: left the house to stay with his parents. My gosh, 1234 00:59:28,160 --> 00:59:30,880 Speaker 2: she called me to go nuclear and blamed me for 1235 00:59:30,960 --> 00:59:34,760 Speaker 2: their breakup. Throughout her screaming tirade, I heard her say 1236 00:59:35,080 --> 00:59:38,120 Speaker 2: she let me have her favorite, and now that's ruined too. 1237 00:59:38,720 --> 00:59:40,919 Speaker 2: I asked her what she meant by that. She got 1238 00:59:40,960 --> 00:59:43,240 Speaker 2: really quiet and hung up on me. Was I a 1239 00:59:43,360 --> 00:59:45,680 Speaker 2: cover up so she could cheat on her boyfriend without 1240 00:59:45,720 --> 00:59:49,200 Speaker 2: it seeming like she was? Yeah, I messaged my now ex. 1241 00:59:49,400 --> 00:59:52,840 Speaker 2: We had never defined anything other than exclusive, since it 1242 00:59:52,880 --> 00:59:55,760 Speaker 2: was so new anyway, I asked him if he was 1243 00:59:55,760 --> 00:59:58,720 Speaker 2: seeing her and what their relationship was. He said they 1244 00:59:58,720 --> 01:00:01,840 Speaker 2: were never a thing, just friends with a strong physical connection. 1245 01:00:02,080 --> 01:00:04,320 Speaker 2: I thought they hooked up. I asked if it was 1246 01:00:04,360 --> 01:00:06,800 Speaker 2: still going on when we were together. He said, no, 1247 01:00:06,880 --> 01:00:11,280 Speaker 2: not physically close. I feel sick. We always use protection, 1248 01:00:11,400 --> 01:00:13,400 Speaker 2: but now I feel gross and like I should get 1249 01:00:13,440 --> 01:00:16,280 Speaker 2: an STI test. I told him I wanted to meet 1250 01:00:16,280 --> 01:00:19,440 Speaker 2: that afternoon to get this over with. I kind of 1251 01:00:19,480 --> 01:00:22,520 Speaker 2: feel like I walked into a whole soap opera. We 1252 01:00:22,600 --> 01:00:27,560 Speaker 2: have another update, dang man, should we just break Yeah, 1253 01:00:27,640 --> 01:00:28,200 Speaker 2: let's dive. 1254 01:00:29,400 --> 01:00:31,480 Speaker 4: Man, it got weirder. 1255 01:00:31,720 --> 01:00:34,880 Speaker 2: Oh no, he didn't answer my text requesting to meet 1256 01:00:34,880 --> 01:00:37,080 Speaker 2: that afternoon at the park. He showed up to my 1257 01:00:37,160 --> 01:00:41,800 Speaker 2: house with the now ex friend. I wouldn't answer the door, 1258 01:00:41,920 --> 01:00:43,920 Speaker 2: and my car was in the garage so they didn't 1259 01:00:43,920 --> 01:00:47,720 Speaker 2: see it. Thank god for ring cameras. They stood there 1260 01:00:47,720 --> 01:00:50,800 Speaker 2: for fifteen minutes, banging on the door, and he even 1261 01:00:50,920 --> 01:00:55,000 Speaker 2: shoved his shoulder into the door, yelling I know you're 1262 01:00:55,000 --> 01:00:56,240 Speaker 2: in there. Oh my gosh. 1263 01:00:56,520 --> 01:00:57,480 Speaker 3: We called the police. 1264 01:00:57,560 --> 01:00:57,800 Speaker 2: Yeah. 1265 01:00:57,920 --> 01:00:58,360 Speaker 3: Police. 1266 01:00:59,000 --> 01:01:02,000 Speaker 2: My neighbor blessed I'm buying her flowers in a giant 1267 01:01:02,080 --> 01:01:05,520 Speaker 2: tub of red vines, which are her favorite, walked out 1268 01:01:05,560 --> 01:01:07,760 Speaker 2: when she heard the banging and threatened to call the police. 1269 01:01:08,280 --> 01:01:11,680 Speaker 2: They just left, because who's gonna hurt grandma. He ended 1270 01:01:11,760 --> 01:01:14,760 Speaker 2: up texting me freaking out. I pretended I wasn't there 1271 01:01:14,840 --> 01:01:16,760 Speaker 2: and said I was sorry I missed him, but we'd 1272 01:01:16,760 --> 01:01:18,320 Speaker 2: still meet at the park In an hour or so. 1273 01:01:19,160 --> 01:01:22,800 Speaker 2: My neighbor, Gladdie's is a saint. Her grandson showed up 1274 01:01:22,800 --> 01:01:25,440 Speaker 2: to visit right as I was leaving, and she rushed 1275 01:01:25,440 --> 01:01:27,120 Speaker 2: out to catch me and asked if I was okay. 1276 01:01:27,840 --> 01:01:30,240 Speaker 2: I told her what was going on, and her grandson 1277 01:01:30,360 --> 01:01:32,800 Speaker 2: offered to go with me, since Tyler seemed to be 1278 01:01:32,840 --> 01:01:33,880 Speaker 2: getting very unhinged. 1279 01:01:34,080 --> 01:01:36,240 Speaker 3: I feel like we just shouldn't be going to that meetup. 1280 01:01:36,360 --> 01:01:38,960 Speaker 2: I said yes, obviously, and he went with me. I 1281 01:01:39,040 --> 01:01:41,040 Speaker 2: got to the park and Tyler was sitting on a 1282 01:01:41,040 --> 01:01:44,800 Speaker 2: bench with a huge box. I had some toiletrees at 1283 01:01:44,840 --> 01:01:47,520 Speaker 2: his place, and that's it. I only had a few 1284 01:01:47,520 --> 01:01:50,080 Speaker 2: things to give him. My now ex friend was in 1285 01:01:50,120 --> 01:01:54,240 Speaker 2: the car looking livid. My neighbor's grandson, Kyle, was amazing 1286 01:01:54,320 --> 01:01:55,320 Speaker 2: throughout the whole thing. 1287 01:01:55,720 --> 01:01:58,040 Speaker 4: I worry about him, though, I would. I would like 1288 01:01:58,360 --> 01:02:01,200 Speaker 4: tell someone like a friend gets get someone involved so 1289 01:02:01,240 --> 01:02:04,160 Speaker 4: that you have someone to keep it safe. 1290 01:02:04,240 --> 01:02:07,400 Speaker 2: This is an insane reaction for what it started us. 1291 01:02:07,880 --> 01:02:13,480 Speaker 4: And instantly, yeah, I'm glad you like I'm glad. 1292 01:02:13,280 --> 01:02:16,959 Speaker 2: You recognized it, Fox says Keon. Well, I'll tell you it. 1293 01:02:16,960 --> 01:02:19,320 Speaker 2: It's in the box. None of the stuff in the 1294 01:02:19,360 --> 01:02:22,600 Speaker 2: box was mine, which I told him. I handed him 1295 01:02:22,640 --> 01:02:25,520 Speaker 2: his stuff and started to walk away. He started screaming 1296 01:02:25,560 --> 01:02:28,240 Speaker 2: at me to take my stuff, but Kyle, who is 1297 01:02:28,280 --> 01:02:32,640 Speaker 2: significantly larger and more muscular than Tyler, turned and basically 1298 01:02:32,680 --> 01:02:36,280 Speaker 2: stood like a wall between us. Tyler accused him of 1299 01:02:36,280 --> 01:02:39,720 Speaker 2: interfering and said he'd call the police. As it turns out, 1300 01:02:39,840 --> 01:02:44,240 Speaker 2: I did not know this ahead of time. Kyle's a sheriff, Yes, 1301 01:02:44,400 --> 01:02:48,919 Speaker 2: Kyle the grandson. Yeah. He showed his badge and said, 1302 01:02:48,960 --> 01:02:55,520 Speaker 2: that's a great idea. We left. I blocked, Oh, hello, sheriff, 1303 01:02:55,600 --> 01:02:58,360 Speaker 2: Kyle is gonna come over next weekend and help me 1304 01:02:58,400 --> 01:03:03,960 Speaker 2: install more security measures suitcase thing. Yeah, what a weekend 1305 01:03:04,400 --> 01:03:05,320 Speaker 2: and that's the. 1306 01:03:05,240 --> 01:03:06,760 Speaker 4: End of it. 1307 01:03:06,920 --> 01:03:07,760 Speaker 3: Was crazy. 1308 01:03:07,920 --> 01:03:10,720 Speaker 2: Wow wowie Wow. What story