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Speaker 1: My girlfriend has been living a lie for a year.

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Speaker 1: And this comes from mush ancher ouch. My girlfriend and

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Speaker 1: I have somewhat of an age gap relationship. We met

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Speaker 1: when she was nineteen and I was late twenties. How

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Speaker 1: late twenty nine, she set her sights on me and

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Speaker 1: pursued me. We saw each other on and off when

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Speaker 1: she was home from college, and we developed a sort

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Speaker 1: of part time relationship because of the age difference. I

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Speaker 1: was always careful not to let things get too far

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Speaker 1: because I wasn't sure how it would work out. And

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Speaker 1: admittedly I kept her at arm's length for a couple

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Speaker 1: of years, and she told me that she felt in

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Speaker 1: limbo for those years, and I honestly feel guilty about that.

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Speaker 2: Now.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, like said, maybe sending like mixed signals.

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Speaker 4: Yeah, He's like, well, I'm confused about the part time thing.

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Speaker 4: What is considered a part time relationship?

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Speaker 1: When do you get a side chick?

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Speaker 3: Okay, okay putting in the extra hours.

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Speaker 1: Anyway, she matured a lot through college, and I helped

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Speaker 1: her got it in college, and I helped her through

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Speaker 1: some tough social problems, probably about her like sorority. Yep,

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Speaker 1: And our relationship grew and grew until recently, halfway through

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Speaker 1: her senior year, when I was thirty five, probably I

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Speaker 1: finally wised up and realized I didn't want to lose

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Speaker 1: her and told her I wanted to be with her

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Speaker 1: long term. She was relieved and happy, and while it's

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Speaker 1: tough to be separated geographically and temporally because of the

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Speaker 1: age gap, things have been overall great. We both met

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Speaker 1: on the East Coast. Her junior year, she transferred to

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Speaker 1: a prestigious school in California, and I was very proud

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Speaker 1: of her, and I began telling all my friends and

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Speaker 1: later my family what kind of genius I was seeing.

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Speaker 1: I will admit it was a point of pride. Fast

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Speaker 1: forward to this past winter, when we finally had a

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Speaker 1: talk establishing our relationship and we began speaking more frequently.

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Speaker 1: It's been nightly facetimes each other. How much we miss

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Speaker 1: each other. So seems like it's going well.

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Speaker 3: Everything's fine, It's gonna go great.

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Speaker 1: Right. It was difficult having finally entered into a full

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Speaker 1: fledged relationship, not a part time relationship, but being three

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Speaker 1: thousand miles away. I guess it was hard. Well, things

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Speaker 1: went this way until last night, oh, when she abruptly

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Speaker 1: told me she hadn't been honest with me.

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Speaker 3: Oh, she's part time.

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Speaker 1: She's part time. And I think OP thought this because

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Speaker 1: I thought maybe there was someone else, and I was

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Speaker 1: prepared for that because she's in college after all. But no,

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Speaker 1: she tells me that she's been going to a different college,

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Speaker 1: not more than an hour away from me for the

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Speaker 1: last full year. Oh, he thought they were long distance.

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Speaker 1: He thought she was on the West coast and he

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Speaker 1: was on the East coast. Turns out she's been on

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Speaker 1: the East coast this entire time. I'm an hour away

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Speaker 1: from him.

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Speaker 3: About crazy, literally makes I'm so confused.

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Speaker 1: Also, I feel like I like I would have known,

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Speaker 1: you know well, time time zone difference, Like oh wait,

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Speaker 1: it's what we were calling at seven and it's light

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Speaker 1: out by you, Like, oh, come on, use your big brain,

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Speaker 1: use your geogressor brain.

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Speaker 4: Wait what was she giving him or what was he

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Speaker 4: given her? I don't know his likeney. Was he given

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Speaker 4: her money or no?

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Speaker 1: No, he wasn't giving her I'm more confused now he

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Speaker 1: was giving her love? Yeah, not every relationship, it's transactional. Riley.

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Speaker 2: With that age gap, you would think.

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Speaker 1: True true true can be the motive behind This was

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Speaker 1: that back when she was transferred out due to tuition costs,

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Speaker 1: she was unsure if we were going to continue our relationship,

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Speaker 1: and she felt embarrassed and thought I would think less

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Speaker 1: of her for leaving such a prestigious school because she

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Speaker 1: left a prestigious school to go to a So I

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Speaker 1: guess what it sounds like is she did go to

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Speaker 1: the prestigious school on the west coast right for a

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Speaker 1: little bit, but transferred out because of the cost, right,

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Speaker 1: and now she's on the east customer right. She wanted

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Speaker 1: me to think she was impressive and be proud of her.

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Speaker 1: She said that each detail about her life and all

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Speaker 1: her social relationships and all the stories she told me

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Speaker 1: about school all really happened. It just happened an hour

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Speaker 1: away from me, and not across the country. She's been

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Speaker 1: lying for a year.

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Speaker 3: It's that's such like a young you know, like college

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Speaker 3: age kid thing to be like, Oh, I didn't want

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Speaker 3: you to think I like it was it cool?

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Speaker 1: Also, who cares if you want to remind her that

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Speaker 1: he's dating someone ten years younger. This is freaking it, Yes,

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Speaker 1: this is it. This is the lack of maturity is palpable,

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Speaker 1: and it makes sense because she's in college. This was

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Speaker 1: an insane revelation for me. I started thinking back to

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Speaker 1: every conversation we've had and the realization that she had

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Speaker 1: been very careful about telling me things about her life

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Speaker 1: at school by replacing the school name with the other,

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Speaker 1: and she had to admit certain things as to not

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Speaker 1: give away her life. So like, yes, she might have

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Speaker 1: been telling like the core truth, but there was a

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Speaker 1: lot of little lies that she changed details. She acted

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Speaker 1: surprised about the weather, for example, when I told her

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Speaker 1: about a late winter storm i'd had, assuming she wouldn't

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Speaker 1: have experienced the same thing. What I didn't know is

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Speaker 1: we were living through the same storm because we were

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Speaker 1: practically neighbors. I realized she lied about traveling, texting me

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Speaker 1: that she boarded an imaginary plane when she was supposedly

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Speaker 1: traveling back across the country. She lied about what time

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Speaker 1: she woke up and went to sleep, so as to

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Speaker 1: maintain the idea we were in different time zones. Oh,

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Speaker 1: what is concerning is the fact that she was so

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Speaker 1: good at it. Yes, op, for a year.

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Speaker 3: That's yes. I was trying to like put my finger

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Speaker 3: on it, and that is it.

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Speaker 1: That that's what's messed up and maybe it seems like

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Speaker 1: it comes easy to hurt too.

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Speaker 3: I could lie to you for a year and you

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Speaker 3: would have no idea.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, dude, I for me, instant breakup, instant breakup,

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Speaker 1: I don't. I don't like honestly, and then this is

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Speaker 1: all the information that would need. Are you Ah?

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Speaker 3: No, I don't think I would instant breakup on this one.

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Speaker 1: I would instant break up, but immediately.

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Speaker 3: It is, I think too. It might take a second

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Speaker 3: for it to like it sounds like it's like dawning

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Speaker 3: on op like all the different things.

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Speaker 2: It takes a little bit for.

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Speaker 3: But I definitely could. Oh these guys, But I think

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Speaker 3: I could eventually break up, But I don't. I'm guessing

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Speaker 3: I wouldn't do it instantly.

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Speaker 1: I would immediately, like, no question, Yeah I would.

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Speaker 4: I would probably be breaking up because I mean, I'm like, one,

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Speaker 4: why wouldn't you trust me with that information? And two

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Speaker 4: the pride because it's a big pride thing my eyes.

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Speaker 3: I hate the stupidity of not wanting to be seen

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Speaker 3: as un.

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Speaker 1: Also how stupid that reason is, but how smart all

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Speaker 1: the lives are. Like in a year, she never blew

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Speaker 1: her cover. That is some next level shit.

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Speaker 2: We're breaking up, but you should have talk to this person.

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Speaker 1: We're breaking up, but Cia, we have a special mintion

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Speaker 1: for you. Yeah, honestly, I mean she'd probably be good.

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Speaker 1: She's living a double life anyway. I didn't care for

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Speaker 1: a second about the school she's at. I care that

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Speaker 1: she was capable of fabricating this elaborate ruse. If someone

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Speaker 1: had asked me about her and where she was in

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Speaker 1: the world, I would have answered with as much certainty

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Speaker 1: as the sky is blue. To have my very conception

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Speaker 1: of reality blown apart like that is melting my mind.

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Speaker 1: She's been down the road for the entire time for

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Speaker 1: a year. The walls of her apartment I've been looking

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Speaker 1: at behind her on our FaceTime calls are not where

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Speaker 1: I had always imagined them to be. I'm just blown away.

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Speaker 1: His reality is just crushed. Yeah, but the detail she

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Speaker 1: had to lie about to maintain the facade are what

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Speaker 1: are eating me away most. I asked for her mailing

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Speaker 1: address multiple times, and it's no wonder I never got it.

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Speaker 1: She joined a team and promise to send me pictures

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Speaker 1: of her new uniform, and never did, obviously, because that

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Speaker 1: would have ruined the lie. All the minutia required to

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Speaker 1: maintain it is what is bothering me most. She had

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Speaker 1: to dodge things and omit things, and often straight up

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Speaker 1: lie about things. I assume some I assume sometimes on

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Speaker 1: the fly. The realization that she's capable of this is

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Speaker 1: profoundly upsetting. I don't know what to do. She feels

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Speaker 1: absolutely terrible, and she's been crying, and I don't want

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Speaker 1: to just beat her up about it anymore because there's

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Speaker 1: no point. I still love her, but I feel betrayed

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Speaker 1: and made a fool. I don't know what to do.

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Speaker 1: Breakup with his lying.

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Speaker 3: Girlfriend possible hot take. I am the lying is terrible,

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Speaker 3: but the reason shows her lack of maturity so much

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Speaker 3: that if I'm in Op's hypothetical shoes, I'm like, the

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Speaker 3: lying is terrible, and the immaturity of the reason, I.

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Speaker 1: Would just like the ten year age gap would just

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Speaker 1: be magnified, right, because like there's all these people that

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Speaker 1: are like, oh, yeah, I like the age gap is big,

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Speaker 1: but like she's so mature or he's so mature, like whatever,

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Speaker 1: And in this case, it's like, Nah, she is lying

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Speaker 1: about something that really wouldn't have even mattered, and it

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Speaker 1: shows that she one is insecure, two is massively manipulative

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Speaker 1: and good at it, and three just like is is

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Speaker 1: like you know, it's just she's young. She's young.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, and I do in a way, I do feel

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Speaker 3: bad for her about the insecurity, but it is such

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Speaker 3: a stupid reason to lie the way she did.

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Speaker 1: Stupid reason but respect on her name, look respective, respect respect.

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Speaker 3: Like that that is messed up.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, messed up. But in like, you have to have

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Speaker 1: an insane level of skill to pull something off without

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Speaker 1: like that, an insane level of skill, which terrifies me.

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Speaker 3: It does.

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Speaker 1: I would. I don't think I would ever be with

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Speaker 1: someone that skilled of a liar, which is why I

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Speaker 1: would never date a poker player.

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Speaker 3: Oh never even crossed my mind. Wow, great point.

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Speaker 2: What about a psychologist, you're lying?

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Speaker 1: I would a psychologist?

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Speaker 3: Yeah, yeah, either one.

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Speaker 2: What about like a veterinarian.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, it's random.

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Speaker 2: The veterinarians. So my dog would be fine, but they lied.

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Speaker 2: The dog died, it died. Would you date veterinarian?

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Speaker 1: I would date a veterinarian, especially if the dog. That's it? So, uh, John,

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Speaker 1: break up or now?

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Speaker 3: Yeah? Break up?

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Speaker 1: Riley, break up? Breakup? Decision? What do you think put

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Speaker 1: your answers in the comments.

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Speaker 4: Blow.

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Speaker 1: We'd love to know break up or not.

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Speaker 3: But Sam, I don't want to break up with this

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Speaker 3: episode just yet.

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Speaker 1: And I also want to know why. But why not?

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Speaker 3: Because I have another story?

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Speaker 1: Get into it.

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Speaker 3: My wife shared a tent with a college fling on

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Speaker 3: a recent camping trip back home. How do I respond

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Speaker 3: to this? Oh man, that's close quarters, That's tough. My

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Speaker 3: wife and I have been married for a couple of

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Speaker 3: years now. I knew that back in college she had

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Speaker 3: one experience with another girl. We'll call this girl Kate.

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Speaker 3: This came after a breakup. The two of them had

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Speaker 3: gotten high while watching Netflix and one thing led to

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Speaker 3: another Netflix and chill, literally Netflix and chill. And she

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Speaker 3: told me that she really enjoyed the experience, but it

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Speaker 3: had never happened again with her or any other ladies. Okay,

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Speaker 3: I do have reason to suspect from our personal spicy

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Speaker 3: sleep life that she is still attracted to women. Probably bye,

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Speaker 3: probably bye, probably bye. Recently, my wife visited her hometown

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Speaker 3: to see friends and family. I couldn't go due to

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Speaker 3: work commitments. Over the weekend, she went camping with some

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Speaker 3: old friends. Apparently, Katie was there. My wife claims that

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Speaker 3: she didn't know this would happen. Okay, fine, They camp

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Speaker 3: for one night and my wife comes home a few

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Speaker 3: days later. As we talk about the trip, it slips

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Speaker 3: out that my wife wasn't able to find her old

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Speaker 3: camping gear.

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Speaker 2: I just just lost it, you know.

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Speaker 3: I looked for it everywhere.

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Speaker 1: Mm hmmm. And you know I didn't have a sleeping

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Speaker 1: bag either. It was so cold and I lost all

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Speaker 1: my clothes. It was crazy. I had to stay warm.

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Speaker 3: Oh I had I would have frozen to death.

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Speaker 1: Yeah.

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Speaker 3: Do you want me to freeze a death?

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Speaker 1: Do you do you want me to die? Wow? So

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Speaker 1: you know I had to huddle up like the penguins

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Speaker 1: in March of the Penguins.

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Speaker 2: I had to do it.

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Speaker 1: I had to do body and body waddling, beak on beak, yep,

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Speaker 1: meat on meat.

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Speaker 3: So whose tent did she use? It comes out that

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Speaker 3: she ended up sharing a tent with Katie, a one

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Speaker 3: person tent. You're joking, one person t you're joking person.

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Speaker 1: You're telling me there wasn't one other person that she

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Speaker 1: could have shared with.

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Speaker 3: Nobody, no nobody on earth.

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Speaker 2: Dude.

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Speaker 1: They're they're butt to nut or but to butt, but

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Speaker 1: to butt, but to butt, but to cut the butt,

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Speaker 1: to cut, dude.

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Speaker 3: That's pretty good. She claims nothing happened, but I am

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Speaker 3: highly skeptical. Now the whole thing just reeks to me.

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Speaker 3: I don't really have any evidence at this point, but

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Speaker 3: I'm tempted to go through her phone when I get

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Speaker 3: the chance. How should I proceed? And we have some

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Speaker 3: top comments that are responding to everything in the story

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Speaker 3: and an update. But let's pause right here.

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Speaker 1: If you go through her phone, you are damaging the relationship,

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Speaker 1: just to be clear, to be clear.

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Speaker 3: You're you're now committing an a whole move.

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Speaker 1: You are committing an a whole move, and you are

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Speaker 1: destroying the trust in the relationship. Don't do that. Don't

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Speaker 1: do it. Don't do that. But maybe, like, hey, I

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Speaker 1: feel uncomfortable and with what you did, and is there

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Speaker 1: any way that you can make me feel more comfortable?

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Speaker 3: That's awesome, that's awesome, Yeah, because you can, you can

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Speaker 3: share how it made you feel. And you're not even

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Speaker 3: attacking her in that stance, but you're still communicating that

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Speaker 3: like I don't I don't like this. I don't want

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Speaker 3: this kind of thing to happen, and she'll probably it's

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Speaker 3: pretty whack, dude, It's pretty whack.

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Speaker 1: If I had a significant other share a one person

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Speaker 1: tent with someone they had hooked up with in the past,

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Speaker 1: especially like the only other person they had hooked up with, yes,

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Speaker 1: I would be I would be pretty uncomfortable.

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Speaker 3: Also, so I was gonna double check. So she went

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Speaker 3: home to see family and friends, because I was like,

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Speaker 3: what if she has like a cousin or something that

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Speaker 3: she could share a tent with. It was only friends

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Speaker 3: that went on the camping trip, but presumably she didn't

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Speaker 3: hook up with any of the other friends yeah on

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Speaker 3: the trip. So it's just like, just ask to stay

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Speaker 3: in one of their tents.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, and also think about your partner, yeah too, write like,

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Speaker 1: if I'm in that situation, I would probably be like, oh,

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Speaker 1: my partner not be comfortable with that exactly, and just

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Speaker 1: say that, yeah, you know, maybe she's not thinking about it.

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Speaker 1: I don't know, you know what, but you know what,

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Speaker 1: I'm always comfortable with John what people hidden dout freaking

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Speaker 1: subscribe button so cozy be But to cut with that

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Speaker 1: subscribe button right now, I'm so subslam it.

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Speaker 3: I'm warm in the arms of my subscription.

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Speaker 1: But I want to hear those of the story.

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Speaker 3: Okay, so potent technicality says, I'd bring up the fact

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Speaker 3: that she shared a one percent tent with someone she

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Speaker 3: slept with in the past. That's a horrible choice, and

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Speaker 3: she doesn't get a pass because they're both women. Bill

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Speaker 3: twenty five to fifty says, sounds like the trickle truth

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Speaker 3: is beginning.

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Speaker 1: Trickle truth. Yep, classic case of trickle truth about tickles

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Speaker 1: because he didn't even say, oh, she told me it

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Speaker 1: slipped out, slipped.

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Speaker 3: Out, she couldn't find her camping dear, and gosh darn

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Speaker 3: so lucky Katie was there to share hers Did they

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Speaker 3: get high together? Did they cuddle?

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Speaker 1: Kiss? Yeah? Did they?

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Speaker 3: I mean this is old friends where they freaking totally

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Speaker 3: them puff passive as possible. If you grill her a

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Speaker 3: little and she admits to more of it, then borrow

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Speaker 3: her phone and posing as her, send Katie a text

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Speaker 3: what was your favorite part of camping together? Then tell

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Speaker 3: her to sit with you until Katie responds that. Then

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Speaker 3: also tell her this is her last chance to tell

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Speaker 3: you the full truth. Okay, so let me make sure

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Speaker 3: I'm reading this part of the comment right, grill.

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Speaker 1: I think I understand it.

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Speaker 3: So basically like tell her, Hey, send Katie this text.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, Hey, I feel uncomfortable. I think a way that

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Speaker 1: you can make me feel more comfortable is if you

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Speaker 1: if I send her a text from your phone basically

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Speaker 1: asking the favorite part of it, and we sit together

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Speaker 1: until she responds.

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Speaker 3: Totally yeah, I yes, I think that is true. How

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Speaker 3: exactly do you think she would feel if you spent

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Speaker 3: the night with in a one man tent with a

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Speaker 3: woman you had a one night stand with. Yeah, just

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Speaker 3: because you're the same sex doesn't does not make it

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Speaker 3: okay unless you are okay with it. It's a lot

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Speaker 3: harder to be walked on when you're standing up.

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Speaker 1: Whoa firebar?

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Speaker 3: Dang? And the final renovand comment here sounds premeditated and

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Speaker 3: they were intimate and not by accident. Oh gosh, I

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Speaker 3: forgot my tent not buying it.

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Speaker 1: I'm also I find it hard to believe that she

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Speaker 1: didn't know that the friend was coming like this sounds

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Speaker 1: like an old like friend reunion.

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Speaker 3: I think she knew the friend was coming.

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Speaker 1: If okay, because I believe in the In that part

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Speaker 1: of the story, it sounds like she didn't know the

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Speaker 1: friend was coming in the earlier part of the story.

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Speaker 1: If she knew the friend was coming and didn't tell

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Speaker 1: op that is also a red flag.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, let me see.

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Speaker 1: Uh it sounds like like red flag. If she knew

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Speaker 1: the friend was coming and didn't say anything to Opie,

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Speaker 1: red flag if, which I don't think is the case.

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Speaker 1: But how did she When you do a camping trip,

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Speaker 1: everyone's in a group chat, you're all like linking up there,

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Speaker 1: there's like things to plan. Yeah, there's no way Opie

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Speaker 1: didn't know she was gonna be there.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, apparently Katie was there. My wife claims that she

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Speaker 3: didn't know this would happen.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, I'm calling BS on that. Yeah, I think they

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Speaker 1: may not have hooked up, but BS on that. Yeah,

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Speaker 1: well we might.

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Speaker 3: Have an answer, mister Donner.

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Speaker 1: Update Okay, there's updates yep.

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Speaker 3: So ended up talking with one of our mutual friends

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Speaker 3: who went on this trip. She confirmed my suspicions, saying

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Speaker 3: that my wife and Katie were acting weird and even

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Speaker 3: sneaking off together at times.

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Speaker 1: A brutal brutal okay, confirm confirmed.

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Speaker 3: I used this information to con my wife and she

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Speaker 3: eventually caved and let me see her phone. I went

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Speaker 3: through her texts with Katie to see that they had

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Speaker 3: been texting and flirting for the past few weeks, even

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Speaker 3: sending each other provocative selfies and reminiscing about what happened on.

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Speaker 2: The camping trip.

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Speaker 1: Oh do we know?

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Speaker 3: Can we guess what happened on the camping trip?

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Speaker 1: But to cut can we guess?

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Speaker 3: I was able to send most of these messages to

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Speaker 3: my computer in case it's needed for the divorce proceedings,

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Speaker 3: right Mary, And that little sentence tells me not looking

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Speaker 3: too good for the relationship into looking like a divorce

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Speaker 3: chemical truth. I appreciate everyone's time and advice. It's a

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Speaker 3: crappy situation, but I'm glad to be moving forward. And

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Speaker 3: it closes out with these two short relevant comments. Banitage says,

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Speaker 3: time to rip the band aid off. Two years is

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Speaker 3: nothing and you're still young. She lied and lied again.

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Speaker 3: Trust is gone. No kids, get a lawyer and file.

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00:21:02,480 --> 00:21:06,080
Speaker 3: K Jaymens says, yeah, don't look back. You deserve to

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Speaker 3: be with someone whom usually loves and respects you. And

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Speaker 3: that is it. Ladies and gentlemen.

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Speaker 1: There are so many opportunities like it was. Yeah. I

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Speaker 1: think the thing that is rough about this is it's

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Speaker 1: more and more obvious that this was a premeditated thing.

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Speaker 3: Now we didn't get one thousand percent crystal clear confirmation

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Speaker 3: of this in the story. Everyone watching Sam Riley, do

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Speaker 3: we think they hooked up on the camping trip?

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Speaker 2: Oh of course, yeah, of course yes. Wait didn't she

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Speaker 2: say that she reminisced they.

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Speaker 1: Were reminiscing They were reminiscing on the camping trip about

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Speaker 1: about hooking up.

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Speaker 3: Like it said, they were reminiscing about the camping.

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Speaker 1: Trip and sending spicy pictures to each other provocative selfies.

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Speaker 1: Oh yeah, they they hooks.

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Speaker 2: You can't be going on a camping trip and not

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Speaker 2: do that provocative selfies.

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Speaker 1: We got one more story, two more stories, a few

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Speaker 1: three more stories. Because we got three more stories, let's

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Speaker 1: do it.