1 00:00:03,680 --> 00:00:07,440 Speaker 1: Hey, guys, welcome to Tommy Talk. And today's topic is 2 00:00:07,480 --> 00:00:10,480 Speaker 1: a hot button topic, and that topic is should we 3 00:00:10,600 --> 00:00:15,680 Speaker 1: be making New Year resolutions? Hmmm, okay, well, let's unpack 4 00:00:15,720 --> 00:00:19,200 Speaker 1: this a little bit. It is twenty twenty six. I 5 00:00:19,239 --> 00:00:22,560 Speaker 1: cannot believe I am saying that, Happy official New Year, 6 00:00:22,600 --> 00:00:25,200 Speaker 1: my friends. I am, first of all, so grateful you 7 00:00:25,280 --> 00:00:27,280 Speaker 1: all have been on this journey with me. I love 8 00:00:27,680 --> 00:00:30,319 Speaker 1: having you in this community, and I love being able 9 00:00:30,320 --> 00:00:31,960 Speaker 1: to share with you. And we have such a great 10 00:00:32,040 --> 00:00:35,159 Speaker 1: lineup ahead for this year, and I just want to 11 00:00:35,200 --> 00:00:37,560 Speaker 1: say I'm thankful for y'all. You guys bring me joy. 12 00:00:37,600 --> 00:00:40,559 Speaker 1: You bring me so much happiness. You lift my spirits. 13 00:00:40,560 --> 00:00:43,120 Speaker 1: I see your comments on these Tommy Talks, I see 14 00:00:43,120 --> 00:00:45,199 Speaker 1: you tuning in, and thank you, thank you, thank you, 15 00:00:45,240 --> 00:00:47,360 Speaker 1: thank you. From the bottom of my heart. It means 16 00:00:47,520 --> 00:00:49,560 Speaker 1: the world. So I thought it would be fun to 17 00:00:49,640 --> 00:00:53,279 Speaker 1: kick off today's episode with talking about New year resolutions. 18 00:00:53,720 --> 00:00:57,360 Speaker 1: People are very divided, and with the new year comes 19 00:00:57,400 --> 00:01:00,600 Speaker 1: a lot of people getting those gym memberships activated, the 20 00:01:00,760 --> 00:01:04,480 Speaker 1: vision boards planned out and put on the wall. There's 21 00:01:04,560 --> 00:01:08,840 Speaker 1: a lot of hopes for the future, there's a lot 22 00:01:08,880 --> 00:01:11,600 Speaker 1: of goal setting, there's a lot of resolutions right the 23 00:01:11,720 --> 00:01:14,120 Speaker 1: New Year's resolution, that's what a lot of people do. 24 00:01:15,080 --> 00:01:18,080 Speaker 1: And people go hard. They go hard with feeling like 25 00:01:18,120 --> 00:01:21,200 Speaker 1: they're going to step into the next best version of themself, 26 00:01:21,319 --> 00:01:25,400 Speaker 1: whatever that means to them. But here's the problem. By February, 27 00:01:25,640 --> 00:01:29,000 Speaker 1: there's a lot of burnout. People experience an incredible amount 28 00:01:29,000 --> 00:01:32,120 Speaker 1: of burnout, and then they feel like crap if they 29 00:01:32,760 --> 00:01:37,959 Speaker 1: quote unquote failed at their resolution. And the pressure and 30 00:01:38,000 --> 00:01:41,440 Speaker 1: the anxiety and stress of not being able to follow 31 00:01:41,560 --> 00:01:44,360 Speaker 1: through with that said resolution for whatever the reason may be, 32 00:01:45,040 --> 00:01:48,440 Speaker 1: makes people feel pretty shitty right from the get go 33 00:01:48,520 --> 00:01:51,600 Speaker 1: at a new year, and that's not cool. So how 34 00:01:51,680 --> 00:01:54,400 Speaker 1: do you rectify all this? How do you set a 35 00:01:54,440 --> 00:01:57,200 Speaker 1: resolution to better yourself but not put the pressure on 36 00:01:57,240 --> 00:01:59,520 Speaker 1: yourself so that you feel awful if it doesn't happen 37 00:02:00,080 --> 00:02:01,600 Speaker 1: right at the start of a year. I mean, there's 38 00:02:01,640 --> 00:02:05,080 Speaker 1: a lot kind of to think about when you're doing this. 39 00:02:05,280 --> 00:02:08,040 Speaker 1: And then the question is do the resolutions really work 40 00:02:08,560 --> 00:02:10,040 Speaker 1: or in the long run do they end up making 41 00:02:10,040 --> 00:02:12,200 Speaker 1: you feel guilty? Like is it a good thing? Is 42 00:02:12,240 --> 00:02:14,200 Speaker 1: it a bad thing? What do we do with the 43 00:02:14,280 --> 00:02:18,480 Speaker 1: rise of self help and you know, gurus and manifesting 44 00:02:18,480 --> 00:02:20,360 Speaker 1: and all these people on social media. You feel the 45 00:02:20,400 --> 00:02:23,880 Speaker 1: pressure to always be putting some sort of resolution together. 46 00:02:24,720 --> 00:02:27,720 Speaker 1: But is that the answer for everybody? I don't know. 47 00:02:27,880 --> 00:02:29,839 Speaker 1: I don't know. Let's let's dive in a little bit. 48 00:02:30,320 --> 00:02:33,960 Speaker 1: So what I do in my personal view on a 49 00:02:34,000 --> 00:02:41,000 Speaker 1: resolution is that I don't necessarily think January one needs 50 00:02:41,040 --> 00:02:45,360 Speaker 1: to be a declarative resolution, whatever that thing is. I 51 00:02:45,440 --> 00:02:49,760 Speaker 1: don't think that you need to make this concrete, super hard, 52 00:02:50,600 --> 00:02:54,680 Speaker 1: mega statement resolution. Sometimes that's what we do. We make 53 00:02:54,720 --> 00:02:59,040 Speaker 1: this big, big declaration, and that's what we strive for 54 00:02:59,040 --> 00:03:02,120 Speaker 1: for the year, until maybe sometimes we see it slipping away, 55 00:03:02,120 --> 00:03:04,440 Speaker 1: and then that's when we feel bad. What I do 56 00:03:04,520 --> 00:03:08,320 Speaker 1: believe in, what I firmly, firmly believe in, is finding 57 00:03:08,360 --> 00:03:12,480 Speaker 1: ways to better ourselves through the course of the year. 58 00:03:13,040 --> 00:03:17,919 Speaker 1: If we work on ourselves all year instead of one month, 59 00:03:18,520 --> 00:03:21,800 Speaker 1: then that makes us feel like we are constantly evolving 60 00:03:21,880 --> 00:03:26,400 Speaker 1: and changing and working towards goals, goals that maybe change 61 00:03:26,440 --> 00:03:29,800 Speaker 1: over time, because I've had goals change. Maybe they stay 62 00:03:29,840 --> 00:03:32,120 Speaker 1: the same, but it's okay, you have permission. It's not 63 00:03:32,240 --> 00:03:35,800 Speaker 1: this like concrete thing. So I think that making sure 64 00:03:36,000 --> 00:03:41,520 Speaker 1: we allow ourselves to feel like we're moving towards little 65 00:03:41,560 --> 00:03:43,960 Speaker 1: things throughout the course of the year is way more 66 00:03:43,960 --> 00:03:47,640 Speaker 1: impactful and positive than one big goal for January. Right. 67 00:03:48,040 --> 00:03:52,360 Speaker 1: I also think that starting with one small habit in 68 00:03:52,520 --> 00:03:55,120 Speaker 1: January can change your entire year. So I like to 69 00:03:55,120 --> 00:03:59,160 Speaker 1: focus the resolution not necessarily on this huge, mega resolution, 70 00:03:59,280 --> 00:04:02,480 Speaker 1: but instead on habit. And what I mean by that is, 71 00:04:03,280 --> 00:04:07,120 Speaker 1: let's say you're falling into a pattern of negativity and 72 00:04:07,200 --> 00:04:10,280 Speaker 1: you kind of feel like you're always complaining or not 73 00:04:10,400 --> 00:04:13,480 Speaker 1: focusing on the blessings in life or what you have 74 00:04:13,640 --> 00:04:16,520 Speaker 1: that's great, and you're always falling into the spiral of 75 00:04:16,839 --> 00:04:20,320 Speaker 1: everything sucks. Maybe a good thing for January would be, 76 00:04:20,680 --> 00:04:24,560 Speaker 1: you know what, I'm gonna work this year on creating 77 00:04:24,600 --> 00:04:28,760 Speaker 1: a more positive mindset. It feels attainable, feels doable. Right, 78 00:04:28,800 --> 00:04:31,360 Speaker 1: That's something very practical. How do you do that? You 79 00:04:31,400 --> 00:04:34,120 Speaker 1: stop yourself when you're complaining a lot, when you're falling 80 00:04:34,160 --> 00:04:36,640 Speaker 1: into a negative spiral. You flip the script and talk 81 00:04:36,680 --> 00:04:39,680 Speaker 1: about things you're grateful for. You focus that time and 82 00:04:39,800 --> 00:04:42,120 Speaker 1: energy on your friends instead of always looking inward at 83 00:04:42,120 --> 00:04:44,600 Speaker 1: yourself about what you don't like. Like, there's all practical 84 00:04:44,600 --> 00:04:46,760 Speaker 1: ways to do that. Whatever those things are to you, 85 00:04:46,760 --> 00:04:49,160 Speaker 1: you would figure out but those are just some examples. 86 00:04:49,320 --> 00:04:51,520 Speaker 1: But it feels like that's something you can really work 87 00:04:51,560 --> 00:04:54,440 Speaker 1: on that doesn't totally set you up for failure instead 88 00:04:54,440 --> 00:04:58,520 Speaker 1: of a resolution like Okay, by March, I'm going to 89 00:04:58,600 --> 00:05:02,760 Speaker 1: make partner at my company, or you know, by April, 90 00:05:03,200 --> 00:05:06,120 Speaker 1: I'm gonna lose sixty pounds, you know, And it's like 91 00:05:06,160 --> 00:05:09,520 Speaker 1: putting these really declarative things out there can set you 92 00:05:09,640 --> 00:05:13,200 Speaker 1: up for disappointment if it doesn't go according to plan. Now, 93 00:05:13,240 --> 00:05:16,360 Speaker 1: I do believe in goals. I absolutely believe in goals, 94 00:05:16,360 --> 00:05:18,240 Speaker 1: but that's what I alluded to earlier. I believe in 95 00:05:18,240 --> 00:05:21,760 Speaker 1: goals all year long. So I think being realistic about 96 00:05:21,800 --> 00:05:25,279 Speaker 1: the things that you can and can't achieve based on 97 00:05:25,360 --> 00:05:29,280 Speaker 1: a timeline is really important. It's hard to put timeline, 98 00:05:29,320 --> 00:05:32,480 Speaker 1: you know, matched with a goal because you don't know 99 00:05:32,480 --> 00:05:34,280 Speaker 1: when things are gonna happen, they're gonna unfold in your life, 100 00:05:34,279 --> 00:05:36,240 Speaker 1: how they're gonna ufold in your life. We can't control that. 101 00:05:36,279 --> 00:05:39,440 Speaker 1: We literally cannot control that. So I think working on 102 00:05:39,520 --> 00:05:44,279 Speaker 1: yourself is a better thing for the new year rather 103 00:05:44,360 --> 00:05:47,440 Speaker 1: than setting concrete goals. And some examples of that, As 104 00:05:47,440 --> 00:05:50,440 Speaker 1: I said, maybe figuring out how to be more positive 105 00:05:50,480 --> 00:05:53,640 Speaker 1: in life. Maybe it's making more time for friends and family. 106 00:05:54,279 --> 00:05:59,560 Speaker 1: Maybe it's being more collaborative with people at work, Like, 107 00:05:59,600 --> 00:06:01,600 Speaker 1: these are all things that are doable, and I want 108 00:06:01,600 --> 00:06:04,480 Speaker 1: people to strive for great things. Of course I do. 109 00:06:04,760 --> 00:06:06,760 Speaker 1: But let's do that all the time. Let's do that 110 00:06:06,920 --> 00:06:11,880 Speaker 1: all the time. The downsides of resolutions, of course, are 111 00:06:12,200 --> 00:06:16,960 Speaker 1: you know, there's unrealistic pressure, there's perfectionism, there's guilt to 112 00:06:17,000 --> 00:06:23,400 Speaker 1: there's burnout. We don't need a new calendar to start again, right, 113 00:06:23,400 --> 00:06:25,680 Speaker 1: We don't need a new calendar year. We can start 114 00:06:25,720 --> 00:06:28,320 Speaker 1: again anytime we want so. To me, that's where it 115 00:06:28,360 --> 00:06:31,359 Speaker 1: can sometimes get a little toxic with the messaging of 116 00:06:31,800 --> 00:06:34,880 Speaker 1: new year, new me. It's like, well, I mean, I 117 00:06:34,920 --> 00:06:37,279 Speaker 1: don't know if I need a completely new me in 118 00:06:37,320 --> 00:06:40,800 Speaker 1: the new year. I like me. I want to improve me. 119 00:06:40,920 --> 00:06:42,760 Speaker 1: I want to improve me all the time and better 120 00:06:42,839 --> 00:06:44,400 Speaker 1: myself because I don't want to be the same person 121 00:06:44,440 --> 00:06:46,880 Speaker 1: I am today that I was yesterday. So that's true. 122 00:06:47,360 --> 00:06:49,440 Speaker 1: But new me, I mean, why am I erasing who 123 00:06:49,520 --> 00:06:51,680 Speaker 1: I am? I don't think we need to completely erase 124 00:06:51,760 --> 00:06:53,920 Speaker 1: the person that we are. Unless you're like some sort 125 00:06:53,920 --> 00:06:56,400 Speaker 1: of crazy, mass murder or evil person, then okay, fine, 126 00:06:56,480 --> 00:06:58,320 Speaker 1: but I'm pretty sure I'm not talking to those people 127 00:06:58,400 --> 00:07:01,440 Speaker 1: right now. So you know, we don't need to totally erase 128 00:07:01,520 --> 00:07:03,200 Speaker 1: who we are as a human being. So the new 129 00:07:03,240 --> 00:07:05,320 Speaker 1: Year knew Me message is something that really triggers me 130 00:07:05,400 --> 00:07:08,520 Speaker 1: because I think you're fucking fabulous and great as you are, 131 00:07:08,560 --> 00:07:11,040 Speaker 1: and yeah, we all can improve, but don't erase who 132 00:07:11,120 --> 00:07:14,520 Speaker 1: you are. That to me is ooh, really triggering as 133 00:07:14,560 --> 00:07:16,800 Speaker 1: a message. So that's something that I think can be 134 00:07:16,840 --> 00:07:20,760 Speaker 1: a problem with with these resolutions. Here are some things 135 00:07:20,840 --> 00:07:23,160 Speaker 1: I like to do when a new year comes, let's 136 00:07:23,160 --> 00:07:24,640 Speaker 1: put it. Put it this way, I think by now 137 00:07:24,680 --> 00:07:27,480 Speaker 1: you know I'm not the biggest resolution person. I'm more 138 00:07:27,880 --> 00:07:30,360 Speaker 1: goal oriented throughout the course of a year or working 139 00:07:30,360 --> 00:07:32,400 Speaker 1: on myself throughout the course of a year and setting 140 00:07:32,400 --> 00:07:35,520 Speaker 1: goals and you know, things I want to achieve throughout 141 00:07:35,560 --> 00:07:38,520 Speaker 1: the course of the year. But I'm not necessarily the 142 00:07:38,560 --> 00:07:41,679 Speaker 1: biggest resolution person. And I talk about manifesting in another 143 00:07:41,720 --> 00:07:43,920 Speaker 1: time we talk. If you go back and search, you'll 144 00:07:43,920 --> 00:07:47,120 Speaker 1: hear my thoughts on manifesting as well. That's a whole conversation. 145 00:07:48,400 --> 00:07:50,120 Speaker 1: But here are things that I think are really helpful 146 00:07:50,160 --> 00:07:53,160 Speaker 1: to do when a new year begins that feels a 147 00:07:53,160 --> 00:07:58,000 Speaker 1: little less intense. Okay. I think you can choose a 148 00:07:58,080 --> 00:08:00,680 Speaker 1: word for the year and that or could be maybe 149 00:08:00,680 --> 00:08:03,280 Speaker 1: something you want to work on. So maybe it's kindness, 150 00:08:03,640 --> 00:08:07,679 Speaker 1: maybe it's positivity, maybe it's self love or self care. 151 00:08:08,080 --> 00:08:09,560 Speaker 1: If you have a word that you can kind of 152 00:08:09,640 --> 00:08:11,320 Speaker 1: keep in the back of your mind and know that 153 00:08:11,320 --> 00:08:14,600 Speaker 1: that's something that you're going to constantly strive for, I 154 00:08:14,600 --> 00:08:18,240 Speaker 1: think that's cool. It's like your own personal little cheerleading 155 00:08:18,280 --> 00:08:20,440 Speaker 1: squad with the word, and it's yours, and you own 156 00:08:20,480 --> 00:08:22,040 Speaker 1: it and you love it and you stand by it, 157 00:08:22,080 --> 00:08:23,880 Speaker 1: and you'll have it for the year. So it's not 158 00:08:23,920 --> 00:08:28,000 Speaker 1: necessarily one big grand gesture of a resolution, but it's 159 00:08:28,040 --> 00:08:31,320 Speaker 1: a word that's yours and that will keep you in 160 00:08:31,360 --> 00:08:34,319 Speaker 1: the zone and reminding yourself of how you want to 161 00:08:34,360 --> 00:08:36,439 Speaker 1: be as a human. I think that's a really lovely thing. 162 00:08:36,480 --> 00:08:40,320 Speaker 1: I really do. I think that setting intentions instead of goals, 163 00:08:40,320 --> 00:08:43,440 Speaker 1: like we talked about, is really important. And I also 164 00:08:43,520 --> 00:08:47,920 Speaker 1: think that you should be focusing on progress and not perfection. 165 00:08:48,520 --> 00:08:50,080 Speaker 1: I'm going to say that again because that's a really 166 00:08:50,120 --> 00:08:55,640 Speaker 1: important one. Focus on progress and not perfection. Even if 167 00:08:55,679 --> 00:08:59,839 Speaker 1: you don't achieve the said goal, what do you do 168 00:09:00,280 --> 00:09:02,640 Speaker 1: that was great to help you get there, or maybe 169 00:09:02,720 --> 00:09:05,079 Speaker 1: it's something else unrelated to that, because life throws you 170 00:09:05,240 --> 00:09:08,319 Speaker 1: curveballs and we all pivot, and I certainly have ended 171 00:09:08,400 --> 00:09:10,520 Speaker 1: up in places I never expected to be that were 172 00:09:10,600 --> 00:09:13,280 Speaker 1: never on my bingo card. But you know what, I'm 173 00:09:13,320 --> 00:09:16,320 Speaker 1: so damn happy I'm there. So focusing on the progress 174 00:09:16,360 --> 00:09:19,599 Speaker 1: you've made is so incredibly important for many reasons. And 175 00:09:19,640 --> 00:09:21,719 Speaker 1: I think that allows ourselves to feel like, you know what, 176 00:09:21,800 --> 00:09:24,559 Speaker 1: I am doing it. I am a badass, i am 177 00:09:24,559 --> 00:09:26,480 Speaker 1: a champ, and I'm doing it in my own way. 178 00:09:26,720 --> 00:09:29,000 Speaker 1: So that's something that I think is really really helpful. 179 00:09:29,559 --> 00:09:32,520 Speaker 1: And I think that not aiming for a new you, 180 00:09:32,760 --> 00:09:37,800 Speaker 1: but aiming for a slightly better rhythm is a really 181 00:09:38,240 --> 00:09:42,080 Speaker 1: really crucial thing to remember. And that's again that progress 182 00:09:42,200 --> 00:09:45,280 Speaker 1: versus perfection. But knowing that you're in a better pattern, 183 00:09:45,360 --> 00:09:47,560 Speaker 1: you're in a better rhythm, it's going to help you 184 00:09:47,600 --> 00:09:49,199 Speaker 1: achieve what you want to achieve, and it's going to 185 00:09:49,240 --> 00:09:52,200 Speaker 1: help your mind be clearer to achieve those things. So 186 00:09:53,160 --> 00:09:56,520 Speaker 1: I'm all about bettering ourselves, but I don't think we 187 00:09:56,520 --> 00:10:00,000 Speaker 1: should put radical pressure on ourselves to make that happen. 188 00:10:00,520 --> 00:10:03,760 Speaker 1: Let's focus on being good human beings. Let's focus on 189 00:10:03,840 --> 00:10:06,040 Speaker 1: ways that we can keep giving back to the world 190 00:10:06,200 --> 00:10:09,720 Speaker 1: and to others. Let's focus on doing work that makes 191 00:10:09,760 --> 00:10:13,760 Speaker 1: us happy and that fuels our souls. Let's work on 192 00:10:14,800 --> 00:10:17,280 Speaker 1: what the definition of success means to each and every 193 00:10:17,320 --> 00:10:19,280 Speaker 1: one of us. Success to me is waking up every 194 00:10:19,360 --> 00:10:21,120 Speaker 1: day and being proud of the work that I do 195 00:10:21,240 --> 00:10:23,600 Speaker 1: and being proud of the person that I am. Let's 196 00:10:23,640 --> 00:10:26,360 Speaker 1: focus on those things to keep us being our best 197 00:10:26,440 --> 00:10:31,640 Speaker 1: versions of ourselves rather than one mega resolution that will 198 00:10:31,679 --> 00:10:34,280 Speaker 1: either make us feel like a winner or a loser, 199 00:10:34,480 --> 00:10:37,520 Speaker 1: because none of us need that. So Happy New Year, 200 00:10:37,559 --> 00:10:39,600 Speaker 1: my friends. I am so excited to be kicking off 201 00:10:39,640 --> 00:10:42,360 Speaker 1: twenty twenty six with each and every one of you. 202 00:10:42,360 --> 00:10:44,680 Speaker 1: You mean the world to me. I am cheering you on, 203 00:10:44,760 --> 00:10:46,360 Speaker 1: I am rooting you on. I want you to have 204 00:10:46,440 --> 00:10:48,760 Speaker 1: things in your mind that you hope to achieve, but 205 00:10:48,840 --> 00:10:52,920 Speaker 1: give yourself grace. Give yourself grace, work on progress, not perfection, 206 00:10:53,520 --> 00:10:57,160 Speaker 1: work on many things, not one thing. And I hope 207 00:10:57,200 --> 00:10:59,640 Speaker 1: that you are stepping into this year feeling like the 208 00:10:59,760 --> 00:11:07,040 Speaker 1: king and the queens that you are. I've never said 209 00:11:07,040 --> 00:11:11,440 Speaker 1: this before. Is hosted by me Tommy Dedario. This podcast 210 00:11:11,520 --> 00:11:15,319 Speaker 1: is executive produced by Andrew Puglisi at iHeartRadio and by 211 00:11:15,360 --> 00:11:19,720 Speaker 1: me Tommy, with editing by Joshua Colaudney. I've Never Said 212 00:11:19,760 --> 00:11:22,720 Speaker 1: This Before is part of the Elvis Duran podcast Network 213 00:11:22,760 --> 00:11:26,840 Speaker 1: on iHeart Podcasts. For more, rate, review and subscribe to 214 00:11:26,880 --> 00:11:30,120 Speaker 1: our show and if you liked this episode, tell your friends. 215 00:11:30,440 --> 00:11:32,640 Speaker 1: Until next time, I'm Tommy de Dario