Speaker 1: Hell I Suck a Dating with Dengler and Dared Haven
Speaker 1: and I Heart radio podcast. What's going on? Everyone, Welcome
Speaker 1: to an all new episode of Help I Suck at
Speaker 1: Dating and Boy, oh boy, do we have a great
Speaker 1: episode in store for you today. A woman that does
Speaker 1: not well. She did kind of stuck at dating at
Speaker 1: one point, um as far as we saw, but whatever,
Speaker 1: she doesn't suck anymore. She was one of the fan
Speaker 1: favorites from this most recent season at Bachelor in Paradise.
Speaker 1: Abigail Harringer, Yeah, Harringer is here joining us. Abigail, how
Speaker 1: are you? I'm good, Thanks guys for having me come
Speaker 1: on today. Of course, thanks for coming on. You're you're
Speaker 1: the one who really keeps us in line. Usually this
Speaker 1: goes off the rails. As you can tell. My Mike
Speaker 1: has been struggling. But Abigail, how are you? How are you? Noah,
Speaker 1: what's new in your life? Yeah? We're not really busy. Um,
Speaker 1: I actually just popped up in moved across the country.
Speaker 1: Um wh I was living in New York for a
Speaker 1: little bit. So my life is just kind of still
Speaker 1: in suitcases and whatnot at this point. But um, you know,
Speaker 1: what's going well? And then we just did a trip
Speaker 1: to coast Um which was really fun. And now he's
Speaker 1: back to working at the hospital, so we've been staying busy.
Speaker 1: So you moved in with him. Um. Yeah, So we
Speaker 1: have an apartment with one of his other friends. Um.
Speaker 1: So it's the three of us and one apartment. So
Speaker 1: we're beach right now, in Hunting Beach. Nice. Nice. You know,
Speaker 1: it's funny, you guys are so similar to Kaylin and
Speaker 1: mys beginning of our relationship because we came off the show.
Speaker 1: We did a bunch of traveling together. We eventually moved
Speaker 1: in together with like one of my best friends, and
Speaker 1: so there was three of us living in this house together. UM.
Speaker 1: I hope that. I hope that your guys relationship is
Speaker 1: way more successful than ours, not that ours isn't successful.
Speaker 1: I'm just saying I don't know. I don't want to
Speaker 1: be as successful as ours, like oh toot my own horn.
Speaker 1: I'm just saying I wanted to be even above and beyond.
Speaker 1: You know, you're starting out in a similar path here,
Speaker 1: so I just don't want that to Uh sorry, I'm
Speaker 1: getting losing my train of thought here. Anyways, Um, jed,
Speaker 1: what what kind of questions do you have for appiol today? Well,
Speaker 1: so you lived in New York. Is that where you're born? No,
Speaker 1: I was actually from Oregon, and then I just made
Speaker 1: out to New York. Actually right when Matt season was airing. UM,
Speaker 1: one of my friends from college and I were just like,
Speaker 1: we want to try a new city, try something new. Um,
Speaker 1: And I knew a couple of the girls from the
Speaker 1: show lived in New York, so it just seemed like
Speaker 1: a good bit. And with COVID pricing, Tube write was
Speaker 1: actually cheaper in New York than it was in Portland
Speaker 1: at the time, like we had to take advantage of it. Um.
Speaker 1: But then my lease ended and I missed my family,
Speaker 1: I missed the West Coast. No, I was in California,
Speaker 1: so it just made sense for me to come to California. Well,
Speaker 1: I'm assuming you obviously came to California be closer to family,
Speaker 1: but also because and Noah is Noah from southern California. No,
Speaker 1: he's actually from Oklahoma. He's in Tulsas. So when we
Speaker 1: were in hiding, because when we left Paradise and we
Speaker 1: had to be in hiding until obviously the final episode. UM,
Speaker 1: it was a lot of secret visits to Tulsa and
Speaker 1: then he started tracked in January this year, so we've
Speaker 1: been in California since. So how did you How did
Speaker 1: you guys decide that you were going to move to
Speaker 1: California and he wasn't gonna move to New York. Um,
Speaker 1: so I knew I didn't want to be in New
Speaker 1: York long term. Like I love the city, but it's
Speaker 1: a very like I'm used to kind of the slower
Speaker 1: vibes of just being able to like go for walks
Speaker 1: or drive places, just things like that, and living in
Speaker 1: the city is very kind of hustle and bustle and
Speaker 1: just a little exhausting. Um. And then he was looking
Speaker 1: at contract and he wanted to obviously go somewhere warmer
Speaker 1: for the winter, so this one came up. It's in
Speaker 1: Huntington Beach, which I like l a, but I definitely
Speaker 1: like how Huntington's a little bit further. Oh, it's a
Speaker 1: little bit more low key and quieter. So it just
Speaker 1: like that, are you gonna have a car in California?
Speaker 1: So No, and I are sharing his car right now
Speaker 1: because he works night ships, so I have it during
Speaker 1: the day pretty well. But you have the fore runner,
Speaker 1: so gas right now, like prices are still in California,
Speaker 1: and I think his car probably gets like tea miles
Speaker 1: per hour, So like filling up his tank is such
Speaker 1: a paint right now. So maybe I'll look into getting
Speaker 1: like a little electric car or like scooter or something.
Speaker 1: I heard gas was seven dollars. Is that true? It's
Speaker 1: south to seven, but it's north of six. I mean
Speaker 1: I would believe it. I haven't built up his tank
Speaker 1: in a while, so I'll have to ask him. So
Speaker 1: how is long distance? What did you guys do to
Speaker 1: keep the romance alive while you were you know, almost
Speaker 1: three thousand miles apart. Yeah, I mean it's not fun. Um,
Speaker 1: just like going that long without seeing somebody. But um,
Speaker 1: I feel like we did pretty well. Like we were
Speaker 1: able to see each other a lot. I think just
Speaker 1: a flexibility with my kind of schedule. I was able
Speaker 1: to fly on see him a lot, a lot of
Speaker 1: face times, a lot of light show dates maybe dates
Speaker 1: and whatnot. Um, and then just trying to make the
Speaker 1: time that we did zoom dates. So you like zoom
Speaker 1: together and watch a show. Oh yeah, I will like
Speaker 1: start the show at the same time and then I'll mute,
Speaker 1: but I just used to catch and Nate I think
Speaker 1: he'll play it on his TV ever. Yeah, are you guys?
Speaker 1: Are you guys good at those types of um? Not
Speaker 1: like relationships, but like every relationship at one point the
Speaker 1: kind of has to go through that long distance thing.
Speaker 1: Are you guys good at like the long distance relationship
Speaker 1: or um? We knew that we did not want to
Speaker 1: do long distance, like if we had to do it
Speaker 1: for more than a year, like, I just don't think
Speaker 1: it word to words, Not that we would have been
Speaker 1: able to do it, but I think we just really
Speaker 1: value that time together. So I think that's why when
Speaker 1: mine leaves was dun date, it wasn't lay a question
Speaker 1: of okay, yeah, like we're going to take that step together, UM,
Speaker 1: just because I mean, people make it work for years,
Speaker 1: but it's just not in my nature to doce Jed,
Speaker 1: can you do long distance? I did. The only time
Speaker 1: I've done long distance was with my ex girlfriend. She
Speaker 1: studied abroad in Italy and I was for six months.
Speaker 1: But the only reason we really made it through is
Speaker 1: because we knew there was an endgame. It wasn't oh,
Speaker 1: who's moving where? How long is this going to take?
Speaker 1: We knew that I knew that she was back in
Speaker 1: six months. I don't think i'd be able to do
Speaker 1: long distance um as much as I like my own
Speaker 1: personal time, and Dean, you can relate to this where
Speaker 1: I need just to be alone for a while. Uh,
Speaker 1: I also can't be I I don't want to be
Speaker 1: alone for like weeks or months at a time and
Speaker 1: then see someone and then have to leave and then
Speaker 1: do that all over. That's really tough. If if Kaylin
Speaker 1: and I had to do long distance for whatever reason,
Speaker 1: like let's say she got a work thing in um
Speaker 1: Japan for nine months and I had to be in America,
Speaker 1: I've guarantee you she would break up with me within
Speaker 1: like two months. I'm so bad, like a sense, like
Speaker 1: I hate phone calls, I hate face times, and she
Speaker 1: loves us things, and after like the first couple of weeks,
Speaker 1: she'd be like, why are you not answering my phone calls?
Speaker 1: I'm like, I don't know, I just don't like it.
Speaker 1: Let's just text. Let's just text. Texting is good, and
Speaker 1: it's tough too, because then you get like and then
Speaker 1: you're on the phone with each other and you have
Speaker 1: to call every night, so you're like, might start getting
Speaker 1: annoyed at one another. We have nothing to talk about.
Speaker 1: My biggest pet peeve even outside of romantic relationships, actually
Speaker 1: probably less so in romantic but even like in her
Speaker 1: personal relationships is when people call without a designated purpose,
Speaker 1: Like if you just call just to talk, I I
Speaker 1: Will explode. But like if you call and you're like, hey,
Speaker 1: like where are you? Are you coming? Okay, you're even
Speaker 1: here in five minutes? All right, see then but no,
Speaker 1: if you just call and you're like, hey, what's up?
Speaker 1: Like how are you? What's new? Oh my gosh, nothing
Speaker 1: infuriates me more than that for some reason, and that's
Speaker 1: probably not good. But um, anyways, back to the subject
Speaker 1: that hand, Abigail, what have you learned about Noah since
Speaker 1: you guys have started dating or what's your favorite thing
Speaker 1: that you've learned about him? Um? My favorite thing about
Speaker 1: him that I've learned? Um, honestly, he really surprised me
Speaker 1: and how much after he's setting into our relationship. I
Speaker 1: think just because when you leave Paradise you are still
Speaker 1: kind of in that bubble and kind of okay, like, um,
Speaker 1: not like I had a fairy toe because obviously then
Speaker 1: like well, for us, but I think you kind of
Speaker 1: just have that bubble of okay, Um, it's really easy
Speaker 1: to kind of just focus on that relationship, but then
Speaker 1: when you get to the real world, you have all
Speaker 1: these distractions come up. And I've just been really impressed
Speaker 1: with how much he prioritizes our relationship, um, you know,
Speaker 1: just on a day to day basis, and then also
Speaker 1: just with like his contract for his hospital, how much
Speaker 1: he was just like checking in with me, kind of
Speaker 1: failing me and saying like, would you be happy with
Speaker 1: this location. I'm gonna request to work like four days
Speaker 1: so we'll have three day weekends. I was like, oh,
Speaker 1: that's really sweet. Yeah, you guys are definitely one of
Speaker 1: my favorites in Paradises past season. But I at the
Speaker 1: top of the episode, I mentioned you guys sucked at
Speaker 1: one point on the show, and I want to bring
Speaker 1: that up real quick. So at the prompt on the
Speaker 1: prompt it you guys like we're kind of going at
Speaker 1: it against each other, Can you just like walk that
Speaker 1: over with us real quick? And I'm sure you're probably
Speaker 1: sick of reliving it. Obviously it's okay because everything ended well,
Speaker 1: so like maybe it's funny to look back and laugh
Speaker 1: at So can you just talk about that for a second,
Speaker 1: like how did that all unfold? And then how did
Speaker 1: you guys kind of rekindle after the fact. Yeah, So,
Speaker 1: I think kind of the issue on Paradise was obviously communication.
Speaker 1: We just did not do a good job of communicating.
Speaker 1: And I think for me, I'm a very bite list
Speaker 1: of person when it comes to dating, and like, yes,
Speaker 1: I know what I signed before when I went on
Speaker 1: the show, but just the idea of, you know, a
Speaker 1: proposal after two and a half weeks, like that just
Speaker 1: scared me the entire time. Um, I was having so
Speaker 1: much fun with Nolla a day basis, but then when
Speaker 1: it came time to half those conversations, it was kind
Speaker 1: of like an inner battle with myself of Okay, I
Speaker 1: want to show him how much I care for him,
Speaker 1: but I also don't want to scare him because we've
Speaker 1: only been talking for a week, and so I just
Speaker 1: wouldn't say anything. And then he kind of took it
Speaker 1: as Okay, well, she's not really expressing how she feels
Speaker 1: about me. Does she not like me as much? And
Speaker 1: then he was having that like we just weren't talking
Speaker 1: to each other about it, um. And obviously that backfire
Speaker 1: because I mean everyone saw kind of whappen um. But
Speaker 1: then watching it back, it was really eye opening because
Speaker 1: when we loved Paradise, I was really mad at him.
Speaker 1: I was just like, you've blindsided me. Um. We said
Speaker 1: we were going to be open with each other so forth,
Speaker 1: But then watching it back, I was like, Okay, he
Speaker 1: really was trying. Like I didn't see a behind the
Speaker 1: scenes stuff. He really was trying. And I felt so horrible.
Speaker 1: And I mean we could laugh about it now because
Speaker 1: it worked out right. UM. Do you think that it
Speaker 1: had you not been that way? Do you think he
Speaker 1: would have proposed you at the end of the show? Um.
Speaker 1: So we actually said kind of from the very beginning that, Um,
Speaker 1: neither of us wanted to get engaged. I think we
Speaker 1: were very open to the idea of leaving in a
Speaker 1: very serious relationship. But I think we were just hie
Speaker 1: on the same page of it's a very big thing
Speaker 1: and a really special thing. We only want to do
Speaker 1: it once. We want to be so sure um to
Speaker 1: do it. So I think we always knew that the engagement.
Speaker 1: I just felt we were going to lead together like
Speaker 1: that was stud and Stone and apparently it was, but
Speaker 1: then we got back together. But um, I we both
Speaker 1: wanted to just lead paradise and not be engaged. Those producers, man,
Speaker 1: they can convince they can convince the penguin to buy
Speaker 1: some ice from them. Like I feel like if you
Speaker 1: got towards the end, I guarantee those thoughts would have
Speaker 1: like crept in because they were just like be driving
Speaker 1: home because the same thing happens to every single couple.
Speaker 1: And I think because you guys left early before the
Speaker 1: engagements even were an option, and I think that's always
Speaker 1: the best option too for any couple, Like the same
Speaker 1: thing happened to me and Kalen. You know, there was
Speaker 1: no pressure for us to get engaged from the producers
Speaker 1: because we weren't there during that time, and so you're
Speaker 1: able to leave and just like have a lot less
Speaker 1: responsibility in regards to like that aspect of it, I guess, Abigail.
Speaker 1: So the question becomes, you guys have been together for
Speaker 1: what nine ten months now? So in Bachelor World, Oh
Speaker 1: my god, that's like seven years now, any thoughts about
Speaker 1: an engagement moving forward? More confident in the idea of
Speaker 1: it now? Um? Yeah, So we definitely have talked about it. Um,
Speaker 1: it's definitely. I mean, we wouldn't be dating each other
Speaker 1: if that wasn't in the cards. Um. I think right
Speaker 1: now we're just enjoying taking the big step and moving
Speaker 1: in together, um and really just kind of enjoying die
Speaker 1: and then we'll address the engagement down the roll. But
Speaker 1: there's no timeline. Um. I don't think there's really ironically
Speaker 1: like a pressure on us. I know, like as a
Speaker 1: bachelor couple, Like people are always commenting on my pictures
Speaker 1: and stuff saying once the engagement. Some people were messaging
Speaker 1: me thinking our trip to Costa Rica was gonna be
Speaker 1: like a proposal trip, and I'm might, we haven't been
Speaker 1: eating for a year, So it's isn't that the most
Speaker 1: isn't that the most? Um? Infuriating things sometimes too, where
Speaker 1: you're just like, let us just live our lives and
Speaker 1: let us be a regular couple and don't put that
Speaker 1: pressure onto us. It's that and then it's just like
Speaker 1: when we don't follow like the timeline of the show,
Speaker 1: I think people are like, oh, they're not serious about
Speaker 1: like they're not serious at each other or they're doom
Speaker 1: and I'm like, but if it was a real world.
Speaker 1: Like in the real world, people usually date for over
Speaker 1: a year before they take that next step. So it's
Speaker 1: just yeah, it's yeah. I mean, hey, Caitlin and I
Speaker 1: are coming up on three years and there's still no engagement. So, um,
Speaker 1: let us be let's be the big example for you. Yeah, right,
Speaker 1: it'll come. It'll come eventually, maybe if she ever asked.
Speaker 1: I'm just waiting for her to ask. She hasn't. She hasn't.
Speaker 1: She's gonna get on one knee at some point. Um. So,
Speaker 1: we do have a couple of topics of the week
Speaker 1: that we want to get to. We also have an
Speaker 1: email coming up later on in the show, but first
Speaker 1: let's take a quick break and then we'll come back
Speaker 1: with Abigail and talk about some hot topics. Allright, welcome
Speaker 1: back to help I suck at dating. Dean, myself and
Speaker 1: Abigail are here. So there's a topic that I want
Speaker 1: to talk about, and it's it's it's about breaking up,
Speaker 1: which is quite sad. And I'm not saying that anybody
Speaker 1: should break up within this. We've all broken up at podcasts. Yeah,
Speaker 1: so so has everybody here been broken up with and
Speaker 1: have been the person to break up with someone yeah,
Speaker 1: of course, certainly. I don't think I've broken up with
Speaker 1: somebody never uh no, not even like Jimmy from sixth grade.
Speaker 1: I feel like the closest was I knew I was
Speaker 1: over the relationship, but I like slowly creeped my way out.
Speaker 1: It was never sit down conversation. So I feel like,
Speaker 1: I'm can we get that? Give you a little more
Speaker 1: detail on that. How do you slowly creep out of
Speaker 1: a relationship? You just don't do that slowly to back
Speaker 1: out of it. Um. Yeah, I was in Polis. I
Speaker 1: was dating this guy, like it wasn't a super serious relationship,
Speaker 1: and he was two years older, so he had just
Speaker 1: graduated college, and at that point I was just like, okay,
Speaker 1: I know, like we're not gonna get married. I want
Speaker 1: to enjoy college so for um, So it's just kind
Speaker 1: of more of just like I wasn't responding as much
Speaker 1: so forth, and then I would kind of push it
Speaker 1: on him where he was like, yeah, like I don't
Speaker 1: think this relationship is working. I think we should like
Speaker 1: go our separate ways. So like I indirectly try to
Speaker 1: make that happen, but I couldn't bring myself to be
Speaker 1: like I don't think this is working. No, I don't.
Speaker 1: I'm not saying you broke up with someone on Paradise,
Speaker 1: but I don't remember. Were there guys that you had
Speaker 1: to turn away? There had to have been guys that
Speaker 1: wanted to day you were asked you on a date
Speaker 1: and you said no. Um. I tually know because Noah
Speaker 1: and I went on our the very first day, so
Speaker 1: I already have the power from their first day. So
Speaker 1: I never like the guy asked. And then when guys
Speaker 1: would like pull us a side, like new guys coming in,
Speaker 1: they would be like, like, what's your situation and stuff?
Speaker 1: Maybe I should have been more open, but I always
Speaker 1: pushed this slight yeah, like knowing that I went on
Speaker 1: a date, I'm happy with him. I here are the
Speaker 1: girls are? So don't worked out, don't be more open.
Speaker 1: You know exactly what you needed to do. Most of
Speaker 1: those guys down anybody on Paradise. Yeah, you found you
Speaker 1: found the best guy that you could have found for
Speaker 1: yourself and probably in the entire history of the show
Speaker 1: even too. Hey, quick question not to get us to
Speaker 1: derailed from the conversation. What are those little bobblehead soccer
Speaker 1: player guys behind you? Oh, that's his friends. Um, the
Speaker 1: third guy that lives with that, Justin, they're like little
Speaker 1: lets them Okay, cool, they're cute. I was just yeah,
Speaker 1: I was curious. They're not mine. They're not mine. I
Speaker 1: have no idea what they are feeling the pressure now.
Speaker 1: I wish I knew. Is he feeling the pressure to
Speaker 1: move out? Now? Now that you're here? Asked what you know?
Speaker 1: We it's a really big apartment and we have a
Speaker 1: lot of funds together. Um, I did it happen nicely?
Speaker 1: Do it kind of like easing instead of just I
Speaker 1: don't know it works for us. I agree, it's it's
Speaker 1: funny too. Whenever I told anyone that we had like
Speaker 1: Kyl and I had a roommate, everyone I always kind
Speaker 1: of looked at us weird, But honestly I loved it. It
Speaker 1: It was great Like if Kylen wasn't home, I'd get
Speaker 1: to hang out with my best friends, and if I
Speaker 1: wasn't home, they could like hang out too. So it
Speaker 1: was like, I don't know, well, that's why you loved
Speaker 1: it because it was your best friend, Dean. If it
Speaker 1: was Kaylin's best friend, I'm sure the situation would have
Speaker 1: been differently. That's feel like the best guy and your
Speaker 1: girlfriend under water birth. That is pretty. They should make
Speaker 1: like a sitcom out of this or something. Yeah, Dean,
Speaker 1: you were living the damn dream. You kidding me? And
Speaker 1: it was like, oh, I had to hang out with
Speaker 1: my girlfriend and my best friend. Well my girlfriend's not
Speaker 1: here and with my best friend, and my best friend's
Speaker 1: not here and with my girlfriend. Sadly, it's all come
Speaker 1: to an end because we move out on Tuesday. Ah, well,
Speaker 1: did you get the place in l A. We got
Speaker 1: a new a studio in Los Angeles. It's three square feet.
Speaker 1: It is absolutely tiny, so there. Yeah, it's like a
Speaker 1: New York shoebox. But my little New York apartment. Yeah,
Speaker 1: and I'll tell you what. Rent prices are so ridiculous
Speaker 1: right now we're paying nearly three thousand dollars a month
Speaker 1: for the tiniest little apartment. But that is what I
Speaker 1: would My office here in Audrey's is probably about about
Speaker 1: thirty square feet. I'll give it to you for a
Speaker 1: cup of coffee a month. You know what, Wait, do
Speaker 1: I buy you the cup of coffee? Yeah, but you
Speaker 1: have to spend it at Audrey So really you're just
Speaker 1: paying me. Do we get back on track. Here, what's this?
Speaker 1: What are these breakups you want to talk about? All right?
Speaker 1: So this is from excuse me. It's an article titled
Speaker 1: how to break up with someone in the healthiest way possible.
Speaker 1: These are eight breakups don't So these are eight breakup
Speaker 1: don't do. Not do. These the mistakes to avoid when
Speaker 1: breaking it off. One do not break up over text
Speaker 1: or email. It says, remember when carry was broken up
Speaker 1: with over a posted note in sex in the City.
Speaker 1: Don't be that person. If you care about someone enough
Speaker 1: to be in a relationship with them for a period
Speaker 1: of time, you owe them the respect to have an
Speaker 1: in person conversation. This one doesn't apply if you're concerned
Speaker 1: about your safety, though, so if you're not concerned about
Speaker 1: your safety and everything is good, I agree with this.
Speaker 1: Don't break up over text or email? Email? What are
Speaker 1: you resigning from a job? Godfort bit damn and I
Speaker 1: ever break up, I'm going to send her a facts
Speaker 1: and I'm just gonna say sorry, this isn't working out
Speaker 1: because I feel like this is what I did with
Speaker 1: my relationship. Yes, I do agree, text or email is
Speaker 1: a big no. Now I disagree, go for it, just
Speaker 1: send it. Send the text. If you don't like it,
Speaker 1: obviously isn't important enough to you anyways, just press the send.
Speaker 1: But and I've done it before, I think I think
Speaker 1: it's okay. I think it kind of like helps both
Speaker 1: both sides ease the blow, softening a little bit. You know,
Speaker 1: how long were you dating the person for it? Because
Speaker 1: I be like, if you're dating casually for like you,
Speaker 1: months and texts would make more sense instead of hypothegically
Speaker 1: if you're canly worth a break up tomorrow, I don't
Speaker 1: think you would. Sechar attacks. You make a very valid point.
Speaker 1: I think, okay, here's a good rule of them. Anything
Speaker 1: under six months text, okay. Anything over six months months
Speaker 1: txt not okay, No way. I was thinking more like
Speaker 1: two or three months. I would say two and even
Speaker 1: two for me is pushing it. Six months. That's an invested,
Speaker 1: intense relationship. Okay. Can we go back to what I
Speaker 1: talked about earlier? Though? Is I hate phone calls, so
Speaker 1: for me a text conversation is nearly as good as
Speaker 1: a phone call conversation for him makes sense? Makes sense.
Speaker 1: Number two It says, do not surprise them. A breakup
Speaker 1: out of the blue can feel especially devastating. One of
Speaker 1: the best ways to eliminate unnecessary pain for your soon
Speaker 1: to be ex is to not surprise them with the
Speaker 1: breakup by blurting it out at an inappropriate time, give
Speaker 1: them time and respect to emotionally prepare and seek the
Speaker 1: necessary support for the end of your relationship. So instead
Speaker 1: of surprising them with the breakup like easy, like you know,
Speaker 1: build up to it over a couple of days, like
Speaker 1: plant the information. I totally disagree with this. There's there's
Speaker 1: no beating around the bush air like you're gonna if
Speaker 1: one person wants to break up with the other one,
Speaker 1: you're gonna kind of come out of left field and
Speaker 1: surprise them. Yeah. I feel like, okay, well, Noah could
Speaker 1: have taken a note out of this one pre parentise
Speaker 1: because he did surprise me. But I also was thinking
Speaker 1: about it. I was like, how would like, what's the
Speaker 1: other way to do it? Like with you, like like
Speaker 1: you just kind of dropped like little hints that is working.
Speaker 1: I feel like sometimes you just have to sit down
Speaker 1: and just say like, hey, I've been thinking about it.
Speaker 1: This is not working, right, I agree. Or you could
Speaker 1: just take the other route and put on a lot
Speaker 1: of weight and then let them break up with you
Speaker 1: because you're not taking care of yourself anymore. That's always
Speaker 1: an option. This doesn't make any sense to me, because
Speaker 1: what I would rather hit someone with a big right
Speaker 1: hook than little jabs over the course of like a
Speaker 1: couple of weeks, you know, not this is all uh
Speaker 1: talk here. I'd rather just hit them with a blow
Speaker 1: over the head then uh one violent shot. But it's like,
Speaker 1: I mean, how would you not surprise them? What are
Speaker 1: you supposed to just walk past them and be like,
Speaker 1: you know, I really hate your cooking and just walk
Speaker 1: away and just like keep doing that over the course
Speaker 1: of a couple of weeks until she gets the hint. Yeah,
Speaker 1: I think that's a bad tip. I think you should
Speaker 1: just tell it how it is at any moment. If
Speaker 1: you want to break up with them, let them know what.
Speaker 1: I agree. Alright. The next one is do not break
Speaker 1: up right after having sex. This should go without saying,
Speaker 1: but it's something I hear too often in my practice.
Speaker 1: Having sex one last time and then breaking up with
Speaker 1: them can be incredibly confusing and hurtful, making the person
Speaker 1: feel you is an even and even causing distrust in
Speaker 1: their future relationships. Yeah, I agree with this obviously, and
Speaker 1: then even vice versa, like breaking up with someone and
Speaker 1: then being like, Okay, we should do it like one
Speaker 1: last time for like good old times sake. I feel
Speaker 1: like that's just as damaging too. Oh I was gonna
Speaker 1: say the opposite. I was going to say, if you
Speaker 1: were going to do that, that's the method you should take.
Speaker 1: You should wake up with someone and then then have
Speaker 1: like like see you later sex, because think about it, like,
Speaker 1: if you're just gonna have regular relationships sex, it'll just
Speaker 1: be as it'll just be like what you're used to.
Speaker 1: But if you break up with them and then have sex,
Speaker 1: there will be a lot more like fire and passion
Speaker 1: in it. And then you guys could like bang it
Speaker 1: out and then move on with your lives. I mean
Speaker 1: I would agree with that, but I also wouldn't say
Speaker 1: that's healthy. Oh yeah, no, no, no, no, I'm not
Speaker 1: talking about healthy. I'm just talking about what you should do. Yeah, okay,
Speaker 1: definitely don't have sex with an X. I mean it's
Speaker 1: so literally five minutes ago, it's a five minute all days. Yeah,
Speaker 1: but then if you have sex, you're gonna want like
Speaker 1: I guarantee you if you have two people having consensual
Speaker 1: sex who are former significant others, one of them is
Speaker 1: still wanting to be with the other person, you know
Speaker 1: what I mean? Yeah, I see, I see you were
Speaker 1: coming from. I'm saying the timeline is a lot shorter
Speaker 1: than what what maybe I'm giving it credit for. Is
Speaker 1: like I'm going to walk into the room and say, hey,
Speaker 1: you and I are breaking up, and then we're gonna
Speaker 1: before we leave that same room, we'll have already had sex,
Speaker 1: It's like, and then never have sex again. You know.
Speaker 1: It's not like you're gonna come back a week later
Speaker 1: and have sex. You're gonna have sex in this moment.
Speaker 1: Leading I feel like when you utter the words break up,
Speaker 1: but then your body is saying something different, like hold on,
Speaker 1: I want to know specifically. Alright, Dean, so what do
Speaker 1: you What you're saying is that you should have sex
Speaker 1: with the person and then say we're breaking up. No,
Speaker 1: say okay, we're breaking up and now we're gonna have
Speaker 1: sex and then like one last two raw, you know,
Speaker 1: like it's breakup sex. People have breakup sex all time. Yeah, Okay,
Speaker 1: I agree they do. It's just I agree with that, Bigail.
Speaker 1: I think it's a terrible She's coming around in my
Speaker 1: way of thinking, here is like off the table. Okay, Okay,
Speaker 1: maybe I was wrong, Maybe she's not coming around to
Speaker 1: my way of thinking. I mean, hey, to teach their
Speaker 1: own I guess I'm not saying I condone this. I'm
Speaker 1: not saying I've ever done it, nor would I ever do.
Speaker 1: I'm just saying, if you were to do those two
Speaker 1: things in one particular order, that's the order that I
Speaker 1: would recommend doing them in. Okay, I see the point
Speaker 1: you're making. You're like, if I had to choose, yes,
Speaker 1: I would. And if if I had the choice of
Speaker 1: not breaking up at all, that's my choice forever, and Dean,
Speaker 1: I totally agree with you. If if it was plausible
Speaker 1: to say, okay, let's break up and then we'll just
Speaker 1: have sex and there will be no emotion attached to
Speaker 1: it and just one last time, sure, yeah, of course,
Speaker 1: why not. It's never the case though, and in fact,
Speaker 1: there would be a lot of emotion attached to either
Speaker 1: what do you mean, I just don't from a relationship
Speaker 1: and then flip the switch and say, yeah, we can
Speaker 1: keep all the physical stuff but no emotions. I'm not
Speaker 1: saying like a repeat offender in terms of like cooking up.
Speaker 1: I'm just saying one and done. You're in your out.
Speaker 1: Sex is like gambling. You put a dollar in slow
Speaker 1: machine and you're like, all right, I'm only spending a dollar,
Speaker 1: and then you lose or you win, and then you're like,
Speaker 1: maybe one more, maybe one more. It's like when you
Speaker 1: go to Justin Bieber concert and it's the best concert
Speaker 1: ever and he's saying, hey, guys, thanks so much, I
Speaker 1: had a great time tonight. I'll see you next time,
Speaker 1: and he walks off the stage and everyone in the
Speaker 1: crowd is saying, well, one more song, one more song,
Speaker 1: and then he you know you he's leaving. You know
Speaker 1: he's breaking up with you. And he comes out and
Speaker 1: he goes, you know what, one more song. I'll give
Speaker 1: you guys an encore and it's so much better than
Speaker 1: every other song because you know it's the last song
Speaker 1: he's gonna sing, and so you cherish every second of
Speaker 1: it so much more. And then he leaves and then
Speaker 1: you know, don't see him again until the next time
Speaker 1: you go to Justin Bieber concert. But my point exactly,
Speaker 1: I don't like see him walk off the stage at
Speaker 1: that point because it's like you kind of got that
Speaker 1: little teaser of like because now you can be asking.
Speaker 1: But then when he doesn't come back on the stage again,
Speaker 1: it hurts more. I see, but you've already experienced him
Speaker 1: walking off the stage once before, so now seeing him
Speaker 1: walk off again, you've become like a little bit more
Speaker 1: callous to the to the concept of it. Um, I'm
Speaker 1: a going to die on this hill too, by the way,
Speaker 1: in case you guys haven't, we're missing the point, which
Speaker 1: is Dane, you're gonna go back to a Justin Bieber concert.
Speaker 1: You know, even though it's one more song. You know
Speaker 1: it's not the one more song. You're gonna go back.
Speaker 1: You're going to see more songs. You're gonna want to
Speaker 1: enjoy more songs together. Okay, next one, we've spent too
Speaker 1: much time on this particular one. Yeah, alright. Not. Do
Speaker 1: not break up with someone going through a personal crisis. Now,
Speaker 1: this one's difficult. Avoid a break up if at all
Speaker 1: possible when someone is dealing with a personal crisis like
Speaker 1: a death in the family or an illness. However, if
Speaker 1: the situation is ongoing, you should consider communicating your feelings
Speaker 1: so the person doesn't expect to count on your support.
Speaker 1: And create a deeper bondy. This one's tough. I disagree
Speaker 1: with that as well. The worst you do too. Let's
Speaker 1: hear why. I had a buddy. This is going to
Speaker 1: sound terrible. I had a buddy who was with someone
Speaker 1: who had cancer and he was not in law of anymore,
Speaker 1: and it was like the hot he ended up staying
Speaker 1: with them for like months because it was like the
Speaker 1: most tragic thing I've ever heard. But it was tough
Speaker 1: because he was this this exact scenario where they were
Speaker 1: together and uh, she's like the cancer came back and
Speaker 1: then but he like wasn't that close to her, and
Speaker 1: it was this whole thing and it was just like,
Speaker 1: holy sh it, what do you do? Because he obviously
Speaker 1: didn't want to leave her side, but it was also
Speaker 1: they weren't doing that well and in a romantic sense.
Speaker 1: So it's like, anyway, that's the story, So what what
Speaker 1: was the conclusion of that story? They broke up? That's
Speaker 1: that's I mean. Listen, I think crisis are not If
Speaker 1: you want to break up with someone, you should break
Speaker 1: up with them, like especially like imagine if you were
Speaker 1: going through a crisis and then you come and then
Speaker 1: you get broken up with like six months later, and
Speaker 1: then you come to find out the only reason that
Speaker 1: you got broken up with six months later was because
Speaker 1: the other person felt bad for you going through the crisis.
Speaker 1: I would just be like angry about that. I don't know,
Speaker 1: Maybe maybe I'm crazy. Yeah, I don't agree, because I
Speaker 1: feel like with cancer, or like somebody who loses a
Speaker 1: family member, there's no kind of time friend for that.
Speaker 1: You know, maybe don't break up with them the week
Speaker 1: that it happens, like some sort often there. But if
Speaker 1: somebody loses somebody in three months down the road, I mean,
Speaker 1: that's still like you shouldn't just stay with somebody up
Speaker 1: to that point. That makes sense kind of what Dean
Speaker 1: was sign But yeah, with the cancer, I feel like
Speaker 1: they did the right thing by breaking up. As horrible,
Speaker 1: horrible as that sounds, No, I mean, I agree. I
Speaker 1: think at the end of the day, you gotta it's
Speaker 1: just tough. Do not break up in the middle of
Speaker 1: a fight. Never end a relationship in the heat of
Speaker 1: the moment. You may regret your decision once the argument
Speaker 1: is over. Yeah, good, duh um, I'll take. I'll take.
Speaker 1: There's a bear ship in the woods for as Alex no,
Speaker 1: that makes sense. Yeah, I guess I don't know. I
Speaker 1: feel like Abigail and Olla broke up in the middle
Speaker 1: of a fight though, and here they are thriving, so
Speaker 1: good for them. Yeah, But I also think like in
Speaker 1: this like instant they're saying, like in the heat at
Speaker 1: the moment, like a heat I fight, apparently he's been
Speaker 1: having like thoughts about it and like it just was
Speaker 1: like communicated. I feel like that's different and like kind
Speaker 1: of building up to it. But like if you're screaming
Speaker 1: over like somebody knocking the dishes away, and I'm saying,
Speaker 1: like breaking up, like that's it, that's yeah, thanks true.
Speaker 1: And I also think too, like if you're getting and
Speaker 1: fights that often and like your instinctual reaction is to
Speaker 1: be like we're breaking up, then you've probably been thinking
Speaker 1: about breaking up with that person for a long time.
Speaker 1: So um, so yeah, do you do you guys? Watch
Speaker 1: Love is Blind. I'm in the middle of the second season. Okay,
Speaker 1: I'm not gonna spoil anything for you, but there's one
Speaker 1: I was like everywhere it was entertaining. I like that show,
Speaker 1: but there was one couple that broke up, and they
Speaker 1: broke up because the guy got in a fight with
Speaker 1: there at the very end, like the day before the
Speaker 1: wedding day, um, and I was like, well, of course
Speaker 1: he got drunk and like spewed a bunch of nonsense
Speaker 1: at her. And I was like, well, he's been thinking
Speaker 1: this the entire month that they've been together. Um, And
Speaker 1: he finally just like blurted it all out finally, So
Speaker 1: how do you think, Like, yoh yeah, super shitty like
Speaker 1: he So it was a Shane. It was Shane Yes.
Speaker 1: It was Shane Yes. And Shane is crazy. I mean,
Speaker 1: I don't know, I don't know, but just like Judge
Speaker 1: watching him on the show. So I mean I think, like,
Speaker 1: if you are going to blurt it out and break
Speaker 1: up with someone in the middle of the fight, it's
Speaker 1: probably because you've had that that thought cross from mind
Speaker 1: at some point as well. Well. And then how they like,
Speaker 1: can you expect your partner to like stick through the
Speaker 1: hard times if that's their resort for like a small inconvenience.
Speaker 1: If we're breaking up, it's like, if it happens down
Speaker 1: the road, I would have no faith in that person
Speaker 1: sticking around. It's like super manipulative to to like be
Speaker 1: like something goes wrong we're breaking up and then things
Speaker 1: like hell and you feel better and you get back together,
Speaker 1: and then the same thing happens over again. Super textbook manipulation.
Speaker 1: All right. The next one is do not break up
Speaker 1: in front of other people. This is probably obvious, but
Speaker 1: don't pull illegally blonde and break up with someone in
Speaker 1: a restaurant. Breakups can be very emotional, and you need
Speaker 1: privacy at very least find a quiet area for you
Speaker 1: to discuss your feelings in private. I would agree with
Speaker 1: this after going through two breakups on TV around people
Speaker 1: the least fun thing because you don't know how to
Speaker 1: process your emotions. Your people are asking you questions. I
Speaker 1: don't know. It's just the most uncomfortable thing, So don't
Speaker 1: do it, Jared, have you ever been broken up publicly? Besides?
Speaker 1: I didn't. Uh no, I don't think so. Who would
Speaker 1: break up publicly? Why would you? Like? I guess? Maybe again? See,
Speaker 1: I think the last two are correlated because if you
Speaker 1: break up in a public area, then I'm sure you're
Speaker 1: breaking up during a fight. The only thing I could
Speaker 1: think of is that you fight and then you break up,
Speaker 1: and you weren't expected to break up like who would
Speaker 1: be like, Okay, I need to break up with Susie,
Speaker 1: So I think I'm gonna break up with her when
Speaker 1: we're at dinner with our friends. Like I mean, if
Speaker 1: you want like the like a control reaction, Like if
Speaker 1: you're afraid that someone's gonna like lash out, then maybe
Speaker 1: you are thinking, okay, a kind of people so that
Speaker 1: way lash out to me. Yeah, that's true, I guess
Speaker 1: more of the story. If you feel I feel a
Speaker 1: lot of these kind of blowback down to what you
Speaker 1: were saying earlier to Jared. If you feel like unsafe
Speaker 1: in the relationship, A lot of these kind of maybe
Speaker 1: don't really apply because like having a control control the
Speaker 1: area like the restaurant, would be nice to be able
Speaker 1: to kind of protect yourself a little bit. But yeah,
Speaker 1: you don't want to break up in the in the
Speaker 1: back dark alley. Uh. Another one, do not take a break?
Speaker 1: Something's interesting. Everyone witnessed what happened to Ross and Rachel
Speaker 1: and friends, but in all seriousness and never suggests a break.
Speaker 1: If you feel that you need a break from the person,
Speaker 1: chances are you want to break up, but maybe may
Speaker 1: fear being alone. Wait until you're ready to end the relationship,
Speaker 1: then talk about breaking up. Um, I mostly agree with this.
Speaker 1: My experience with taking a break is that the relationship
Speaker 1: is over and we're just um stalling the inevitable, you think.
Speaker 1: I disagree. I think you can take breaks healthfully healthily.
Speaker 1: What's the word healthfully or healthily healthfully? How the hell
Speaker 1: should I know? I have a wrote on public school
Speaker 1: system that's healthfully. I think you can healthfully take breaks.
Speaker 1: You know. I don't think that it's probably a good thing,
Speaker 1: but I think everyone needs to break every once in
Speaker 1: a while, you know. But it depends on what you
Speaker 1: mean by breaks, Like do you mean okay, like can
Speaker 1: we sleep without other people? Is it? Oh? I just
Speaker 1: need a break like a weekend trip to go see
Speaker 1: my family, and she's like a little space like because
Speaker 1: Ross and Rachel like obviously that was very confusing on
Speaker 1: other level. But yeah, I agree with Jared, Like if
Speaker 1: you're saying like, oh, we should take like a few weeks,
Speaker 1: like great, that's a break up. Like, well, I guess
Speaker 1: I guess the question is during the break. I think
Speaker 1: of taking a break as seeing other people, the relationships
Speaker 1: all over. I also agree with that. I think when
Speaker 1: I think of taking a break, I think it's just
Speaker 1: like two people, um, like going different directions for like
Speaker 1: a month and then coming back together and like assessing
Speaker 1: their emotions. But if you're not not like sleeping with
Speaker 1: other people, just like going off and doing your own
Speaker 1: thing for a month, you know, and like maybe like
Speaker 1: limited contact. But if you're going out and hooking out
Speaker 1: with other people, that's when I think the relationship should
Speaker 1: be um tarnished. All right. Last one of the do
Speaker 1: not do not stay with someone out of obligation. You
Speaker 1: might be tempted to back out of breaking up with
Speaker 1: someone because of anxiety, but that's not in either of
Speaker 1: your best interests. Never avoid breaking up with somebody because
Speaker 1: you're afraid of hurting their feelings or afraid of being single.
Speaker 1: I mean another good uh, like, don't be in a
Speaker 1: relationship if you're just doing it because you're afraid of
Speaker 1: being alone and you actually don't want to be with
Speaker 1: this person. That's it's bad for everybody involved, and it
Speaker 1: almost always ends badly. Agree. Um, who who's ever been
Speaker 1: in a relationship for obligation? You've never been in a
Speaker 1: relationship where you're just like, well, yeah, I guess that's
Speaker 1: a good point. I don't know I guess obligation would
Speaker 1: what I think of when I hear obligation in this
Speaker 1: sense would be that you guys have been together for
Speaker 1: so long, and maybe you own a house together, or
Speaker 1: maybe you have kids together, and you're like, well, I
Speaker 1: don't want to be with you, but I feel like
Speaker 1: we should be together because of these factors. I bet
Speaker 1: you there's a lot of bachelor relationships that stay together
Speaker 1: because of obligation a thousand percent. So there you go.
Speaker 1: I guess there's a good example of maybe staying together
Speaker 1: via obligation, although they ultimately end up crashing your burden anyway.
Speaker 1: So why delay the inevitable? Just you know, get it
Speaker 1: over with right wait? Trying to make a few more bucks,
Speaker 1: you know? Oh yeah, I mean definitely, Well, fiduciary obligation
Speaker 1: is different than like a romantic obligation. I guess, you know,
Speaker 1: definitely squeeze as much as you can out of the
Speaker 1: you know, the shilling teat. But I don't know, I
Speaker 1: don't know where I'm going on this. The doorball just ranks.
Speaker 1: I'm a little distracted right now. Who is it? I
Speaker 1: don't know. I'm not gonna answer it. That's how much
Speaker 1: I care about this podcast. It could be anyone. It
Speaker 1: could literally be the mayor of Las Vegas coming to
Speaker 1: my door with a giant check for two million dollars
Speaker 1: because I won the powerball and I don't care because
Speaker 1: um suck armies where my attention belongs. But UM, we're
Speaker 1: gonna take one quick break. We're gonna get too emails
Speaker 1: with Abigail and UM make sure it's stick to the
Speaker 1: brake and we'll be back. Al Right, everybody, welcome back
Speaker 1: to help I suck at dating. And as promised, we're
Speaker 1: gonna get to an email. We got a man emailing us,
Speaker 1: but I don't know who is going to read this
Speaker 1: for us. I'll read it. No, no, no, no, no no,
Speaker 1: we don't want to read it. Maybe Tara or Hannah
Speaker 1: or even Abigail and she wants to. I'll read the
Speaker 1: email from m and uh. I don't know why you
Speaker 1: don't want Jared to hear the email though, it's all
Speaker 1: I don't wanted to read it. I just want a
Speaker 1: new you know, a different voice for a little bit.
Speaker 1: No whatever, whatever, I'm gonna go back to making coffee, okay, alright.
Speaker 1: This email from Amanda, she says, after finishing graduate school.
Speaker 1: In December, I decided to try online dating again. Unfortunate
Speaker 1: it only a few days into it, I was diagnosed
Speaker 1: with bells palsy. I decided to be honest with someone
Speaker 1: I matched with and told him what happened. Long story short.
Speaker 1: He told me it was what's on the inside that
Speaker 1: matters and still wanted to meet, so we made set plans. Unfortunately,
Speaker 1: he canceled the night before and said, I'm so sorry.
Speaker 1: I have to help my dad. I hope you don't
Speaker 1: think I'm a flake. Let's do it next weekend instead.
Speaker 1: The following weekend didn't work for me, so I asked
Speaker 1: him about a week day. He didn't respond, and then
Speaker 1: I checked and the unmatched with me. Even before the
Speaker 1: bell's palsy diagnosis, I had troubled young with ghosting guys,
Speaker 1: Guys who would message for a week but not make
Speaker 1: plans in bad first dates. I probably want to ten
Speaker 1: bad dates in a row and don't know how to
Speaker 1: move forward. How do I break the cycle. That's a
Speaker 1: tough one because there's a lot to impact there. Bells palsy,
Speaker 1: for those of you that don't know, is encourages me.
Speaker 1: If I'm wrong, I think it's when like half of
Speaker 1: your face goes Um, not like paralyzed, but it loses
Speaker 1: like it's muscle composition, right. I was just looking at
Speaker 1: up because honestly, I've never heard of bills palsy, but yes,
Speaker 1: it says there's it's when there's sudden weakness in the
Speaker 1: muscles on one half of the face. It could be
Speaker 1: a reaction to a viral infection. Um, yeah, that's what
Speaker 1: it is. So my dad, I think had bells paulsy
Speaker 1: at one point when I was in high school. I
Speaker 1: remember his half of his face went. I thought you
Speaker 1: had a stroke or something, and that's why it was
Speaker 1: doing that. And I'm pretty sure he's all better now
Speaker 1: with it. I don't know, but I've noticed that sometimes
Speaker 1: in my face, my my facial m expressions don't match,
Speaker 1: and so I'm worried that I'm getting bills palsy as well.
Speaker 1: I don't know if that's even possible like thing to happen,
Speaker 1: but it's it's a scary thing. So I mean, I
Speaker 1: commend this girl for, um, you know, fighting through it
Speaker 1: and going on dates and trying to find the the
Speaker 1: positive outlook. But like at the end of the day too,
Speaker 1: I don't think it's really it shouldn't be as big
Speaker 1: of a deal as it is, right, Like, if you
Speaker 1: like someone and they like you back, it shouldn't really matter.
Speaker 1: Um whether you have bells, pausy or not. I mean,
Speaker 1: I don't know what do you guys think? UM. I
Speaker 1: mean I definitely commender for coming out and saying it,
Speaker 1: because I remember when I was on the Dating Naps
Speaker 1: before the show, I would never tell guys about my
Speaker 1: hearing loss. That was just something that was too scary
Speaker 1: for me to do. So the fact that she's coming
Speaker 1: on saying it, I definitely commend her for that. UM.
Speaker 1: And honestly, the guys kind of sounds like an asshole,
Speaker 1: just because I feel like he's trying to make it
Speaker 1: himself feel good by saying, you know, it's what's on
Speaker 1: the inside that matters, not the outside. But then his
Speaker 1: actions aren't lining up with what he's saying, So I
Speaker 1: don't like that he did that. UM. So I'm glad
Speaker 1: that they didn't go on the day because it just
Speaker 1: sounds like he's not like a good person to be honest.
Speaker 1: But um, in terms of how to break the streak,
Speaker 1: I just think while Dating Naps are good, like a
Speaker 1: good way to meet people normally draining, and I feel
Speaker 1: like they just take a toll on kind of your
Speaker 1: self confidence and so work and you kind of just
Speaker 1: become not the best version of yourself to be going
Speaker 1: on dates with because you're constantly thinking, Okay, I have
Speaker 1: five dates that didn't go well when I doing wrong.
Speaker 1: But maybe with the guys that we're doing something wrong,
Speaker 1: I think just taking a break doing the things that
Speaker 1: make you happy, Like just get off the apps for
Speaker 1: a while, go he now with your French. Just do
Speaker 1: the things that make you happy, and I think you'll
Speaker 1: kind of have the energy that will draw people to you. Um.
Speaker 1: But yeah, I do not miss the dating app oh no, never.
Speaker 1: And also dating apps they're great and I think they
Speaker 1: work for a lot of people. But to Abigail's point,
Speaker 1: I think if you dish the dating apps and just
Speaker 1: go do the things that make you happy, you probably
Speaker 1: would meet someone in person doing those similar things and
Speaker 1: then like there's your instant um like common ground and
Speaker 1: like things to bond over and hobbies that you can
Speaker 1: share together. So I always agree with that too. It's
Speaker 1: like you know, if you go to church, um and
Speaker 1: you have trouble meeting guys on dating apps. Maybe like
Speaker 1: go to church and try to meet someone at church,
Speaker 1: or if you like to play golf or whatever, it
Speaker 1: is like going hikes and you meet some one doing
Speaker 1: those activities and then you obviously have a shared common ground.
Speaker 1: So the bell's palsy thing is tricky. You like, obviously
Speaker 1: there's there has to be like a physical connection, and um,
Speaker 1: that's that's hard because like that's you know, unpredictable. I
Speaker 1: guess like it just comes. I mean I don't know,
Speaker 1: but I would imagine it just kind of like happens randomly. Um,
Speaker 1: but it's just I don't know. It's just one of
Speaker 1: those things you just have to figure out. What Jared,
Speaker 1: what do you think. I haven't heard your opinion yet.
Speaker 1: Oh no, I just think if you want to break
Speaker 1: the cycle, Yeah, you have to break the cycle, like
Speaker 1: Abigail said, do something different. Uh, you know, you can't
Speaker 1: really focus your energy on other people's reactions or how
Speaker 1: they um conductor actions. Just focus on yourself. Uh, try
Speaker 1: to be as positive as possible. It's not easy, but um, yeah,
Speaker 1: if you're looking to break the cycle, because dating apps
Speaker 1: can really suck sometimes. I think they're wonderful, but sometimes
Speaker 1: they can be really emotionally draining. Then yeah, break the cycle,
Speaker 1: don't stop using dating apps for a while. Do something
Speaker 1: differ And what that is, I'm not sure you know, Amanda,
Speaker 1: You'll be the one to answer that. Whatever you love doing,
Speaker 1: like Dean said, go do it and then hopefully maybe
Speaker 1: something comes from that. But that's my only advice. And
Speaker 1: for the record, Amanda, you said at one point guys
Speaker 1: would message for a week and then not make plans
Speaker 1: and you have bad first dates. Um, Just for the record,
Speaker 1: that was also me, Like I was that guy that
Speaker 1: would talk for a week and then never message back.
Speaker 1: And I think what it really stems from, it's just
Speaker 1: an immaturity on the guys. It's nothing to do with you.
Speaker 1: It's just a the guy is like probably is talking
Speaker 1: to too many people on a dating app. Probably is
Speaker 1: you know, like early to mid twenties or maybe even older.
Speaker 1: But he's just an asshole and he's immature. So that
Speaker 1: kind of like again brings it back to what we
Speaker 1: were talking about earlier, is like, go do the things
Speaker 1: that make you happy and find a guy that way
Speaker 1: rather than trying to find a guy in a dating app.
Speaker 1: That's gonna be flaky and immature, so I hope that helps. Um. Anyways,
Speaker 1: that's gonna do it for this week's episode of Help
Speaker 1: I Suck at Dating. Thank you guys for listening. Thank
Speaker 1: you Amanda for emailing. UM. I wish you nothing but
Speaker 1: the best of luck in your search for a boyfriend.
Speaker 1: Keep the emails coming. I Suck at Dating at I
Speaker 1: heeart media dot com. Tell us all your dating stories
Speaker 1: and anything if you have any questions, anything like that.
Speaker 1: Big thank you to Abigail for joining us this week. Abigail,
Speaker 1: we cannot wait to see more from you. And Noah,
Speaker 1: We're waiting on the engagement. Every trip you go on,
Speaker 1: I'm expecting it to be an engagement, even after you're engaged.
Speaker 1: You guys are gonna be engaged, and you're gonna go
Speaker 1: on a trip to Italy and I'm gonna say, are
Speaker 1: they getting engaged again? Is that going to happen? My rage?
Speaker 1: Just keep every single take. You're not gonna be able
Speaker 1: to bend your ring finger at one point, it's gonna
Speaker 1: be filled with rings. UM. Jared, thank you as always,
Speaker 1: Hunt and Tart Tara, thank you guys so much too.
Speaker 1: Be sure to do your next week where maybe we
Speaker 1: suck just a little bit less. Follow help by Suck
Speaker 1: at Dating on I Heart Radio or wherever you listen
Speaker 1: to podcast