1 00:00:01,400 --> 00:00:06,160 Speaker 1: So, if I'm being completely transparent, there are some days 2 00:00:06,200 --> 00:00:11,480 Speaker 1: that I wish I had added some more tales to 3 00:00:11,640 --> 00:00:17,560 Speaker 1: my home memoir. Oh yeah, Well, if we're being completely honest, 4 00:00:19,680 --> 00:00:23,600 Speaker 1: I wish you went through a whole phase two damn 5 00:00:24,760 --> 00:00:34,120 Speaker 1: really dead ass. Hey, I'm Cadine and we're the ellis Is. 6 00:00:35,000 --> 00:00:37,640 Speaker 1: You may know us from posting funny videos without boys 7 00:00:37,760 --> 00:00:42,000 Speaker 1: and reading each other publicly as a form of therapy. Wait, 8 00:00:42,000 --> 00:00:45,760 Speaker 1: I'll make you need therapy most days. Wow. And one 9 00:00:45,760 --> 00:00:49,000 Speaker 1: more important thing to mention, we're married. We are. We 10 00:00:49,120 --> 00:00:52,120 Speaker 1: created this podcast to open dialogue about some of life's 11 00:00:52,159 --> 00:00:55,720 Speaker 1: most taboo topics, things most folks don't want to talk 12 00:00:55,720 --> 00:00:58,000 Speaker 1: about through the lens of a millennium married couple. Then 13 00:00:58,080 --> 00:01:00,240 Speaker 1: adds to the term that we say every day. So 14 00:01:00,280 --> 00:01:05,200 Speaker 1: when we say dead ass, we're actually saying facts, the truth, 15 00:01:05,240 --> 00:01:07,880 Speaker 1: the whole truth, and nothing but the truth. Were about 16 00:01:07,880 --> 00:01:12,399 Speaker 1: to take pillow talk to a whole new level. Dead 17 00:01:12,440 --> 00:01:16,920 Speaker 1: ass starts right now. So let me take you all 18 00:01:16,959 --> 00:01:21,080 Speaker 1: back in time two thousand and four, my junior year 19 00:01:21,120 --> 00:01:24,560 Speaker 1: of college. Junior in college, Kadina and I had been 20 00:01:25,480 --> 00:01:28,520 Speaker 1: living together in the dorms since two thousand and two, 21 00:01:28,800 --> 00:01:30,880 Speaker 1: and we were going through that that point in a 22 00:01:30,920 --> 00:01:34,160 Speaker 1: relationship where it's just like dang, Like, um, I was 23 00:01:34,480 --> 00:01:37,320 Speaker 1: my first time being an All American, I'm the man 24 00:01:37,360 --> 00:01:40,640 Speaker 1: on campus me and even living together every single day. 25 00:01:41,040 --> 00:01:43,440 Speaker 1: I was kind of feeling myself and I was like, yo, 26 00:01:43,560 --> 00:01:47,320 Speaker 1: I'm I was just twenty years old. Was twenty years old. 27 00:01:47,319 --> 00:01:51,680 Speaker 1: So I was like, Babe, we've been arguing a lot lately. Um, 28 00:01:51,760 --> 00:01:54,200 Speaker 1: we were having issues. I was like, you don't want 29 00:01:54,200 --> 00:01:56,840 Speaker 1: to date nobody else? I think we should date other people, 30 00:01:57,560 --> 00:02:00,680 Speaker 1: and she was just like no, And I was just 31 00:02:00,760 --> 00:02:04,160 Speaker 1: like you sure, I said, babe, because I don't want 32 00:02:04,200 --> 00:02:05,640 Speaker 1: you to ever if we're gonna if we're talking about 33 00:02:05,680 --> 00:02:07,320 Speaker 1: for ever and we were gonna ever get married, I 34 00:02:07,320 --> 00:02:11,240 Speaker 1: don't want there to ever be any resentment towards each 35 00:02:11,280 --> 00:02:14,119 Speaker 1: other if we don't date other people. And then Conde says, well, 36 00:02:14,280 --> 00:02:15,880 Speaker 1: if you want to date somebody else, you can, but 37 00:02:15,880 --> 00:02:18,240 Speaker 1: I don't feel like they anybody else. I'm good here. 38 00:02:19,160 --> 00:02:22,760 Speaker 1: So I was like, all right, I'm gonna date somebody else. 39 00:02:23,520 --> 00:02:28,160 Speaker 1: So I think it lasted about a week. About a 40 00:02:28,160 --> 00:02:30,880 Speaker 1: week I had moved out. I had moved out of 41 00:02:31,160 --> 00:02:34,880 Speaker 1: her apartment on campus, and for about a week, and 42 00:02:35,200 --> 00:02:39,359 Speaker 1: I was talking to other people. I'm gonna tell y'all 43 00:02:39,520 --> 00:02:42,360 Speaker 1: after story time, I'm gonna let you finished. I'll showed 44 00:02:42,400 --> 00:02:44,720 Speaker 1: up back at my doorstep. Oh my gosh, this is 45 00:02:44,720 --> 00:02:47,520 Speaker 1: about to be the biggest life of them. But I 46 00:02:47,600 --> 00:02:50,400 Speaker 1: left and then after a week we spoke every day 47 00:02:50,440 --> 00:02:56,480 Speaker 1: still and after a week I came back. That was 48 00:02:56,639 --> 00:03:02,560 Speaker 1: anticlimactic to say the least. I mean, alright, karaoke time. 49 00:03:02,600 --> 00:03:04,480 Speaker 1: I had to do it because you know, this is 50 00:03:04,560 --> 00:03:07,280 Speaker 1: one of my my jams, like this is on, And 51 00:03:07,280 --> 00:03:08,880 Speaker 1: I know you hate when I say this is my jam, 52 00:03:10,000 --> 00:03:13,920 Speaker 1: one of jams, This is one of my why I 53 00:03:13,919 --> 00:03:21,440 Speaker 1: gotta sound like I'm missing teeth, one of my jams 54 00:03:21,480 --> 00:03:29,320 Speaker 1: this is on, wrote this is on rotation on one 55 00:03:29,360 --> 00:03:32,440 Speaker 1: of like my go to playlists right from my girl 56 00:03:32,520 --> 00:03:36,680 Speaker 1: Jasmine Sullivan. I love Jasmine Suliman's music, however, this one 57 00:03:36,800 --> 00:03:40,080 Speaker 1: in particular. Al Right, I can't necessarily relate to everything 58 00:03:40,120 --> 00:03:42,360 Speaker 1: in it, but it just makes me feel some kind 59 00:03:42,360 --> 00:03:47,240 Speaker 1: of way, you know what I'm saying. Ready, boom boom boom. Yeah, 60 00:03:47,320 --> 00:03:51,360 Speaker 1: my hair and my ass fake, but so what so what? 61 00:03:51,680 --> 00:03:54,240 Speaker 1: I get my rent paid with it? And these tids 62 00:03:54,280 --> 00:03:57,560 Speaker 1: get me trips to places I can't pronounce. He said, 63 00:03:57,560 --> 00:03:59,640 Speaker 1: they keep in coming. If I keep my body, it's 64 00:03:59,600 --> 00:04:04,960 Speaker 1: time I eat. And then bit just stay mad because 65 00:04:05,040 --> 00:04:11,120 Speaker 1: I'm living the line. Because I'm living the line, you 66 00:04:11,160 --> 00:04:18,400 Speaker 1: know that it does go hard, and if you really 67 00:04:18,440 --> 00:04:22,359 Speaker 1: actually look at the lyrics, I'm just like, okay, girl. 68 00:04:23,200 --> 00:04:25,320 Speaker 1: Like in another verse, she's like, I ain't got a job, 69 00:04:25,400 --> 00:04:29,080 Speaker 1: but so what, I don't need it when I'm getting everything. 70 00:04:29,120 --> 00:04:31,440 Speaker 1: I want everything I asked for. I wear a freakum 71 00:04:31,480 --> 00:04:34,880 Speaker 1: dress for daddy and then he gives me more. I mean, 72 00:04:35,320 --> 00:04:41,640 Speaker 1: I can relate now. I can relate now with my husband. However, 73 00:04:42,880 --> 00:04:45,360 Speaker 1: I didn't really have moments like that back in the day. No, 74 00:04:47,480 --> 00:04:51,600 Speaker 1: right now, let's talk about it. Let's talk about it alright, hotels, 75 00:04:51,680 --> 00:04:54,800 Speaker 1: let's talk about it. But Mascara wasn't on hotels. That 76 00:04:54,920 --> 00:04:58,560 Speaker 1: song was before. Let's talk about that and hotels. I'm 77 00:04:58,560 --> 00:05:00,400 Speaker 1: gonna tell you how the bell came back. But okay, 78 00:05:00,440 --> 00:05:01,960 Speaker 1: So after the Vaal was going for a week because 79 00:05:01,960 --> 00:05:03,279 Speaker 1: he made it a thing where he was like, gonna 80 00:05:03,320 --> 00:05:05,039 Speaker 1: pack up my stuff, I'm gonna leave. I'm moving out. 81 00:05:05,360 --> 00:05:07,120 Speaker 1: You know, I want to see other people. Blah blah blah. 82 00:05:07,960 --> 00:05:12,080 Speaker 1: I was like, God, good, you know, so um he 83 00:05:12,200 --> 00:05:16,599 Speaker 1: leaves and then he comes back like literally a week later. 84 00:05:17,120 --> 00:05:19,040 Speaker 1: And the best part about it is that it was 85 00:05:19,080 --> 00:05:21,360 Speaker 1: in the wintertime, right, so it was one of those 86 00:05:21,400 --> 00:05:26,760 Speaker 1: like really cold like New York days, like almost blizzard 87 00:05:26,760 --> 00:05:29,039 Speaker 1: because it was a lot like wind and snow and 88 00:05:29,120 --> 00:05:31,680 Speaker 1: all that. Devout, let me tell you, shows up at 89 00:05:31,680 --> 00:05:35,920 Speaker 1: my door right with a suit with a suitcase. Right, 90 00:05:36,400 --> 00:05:38,960 Speaker 1: he had this bubble coat on, but he had like 91 00:05:39,000 --> 00:05:42,600 Speaker 1: a scarf wrapped around his head and like thrown over 92 00:05:42,680 --> 00:05:47,040 Speaker 1: his neck. He literally looked like Mary J. Blige in 93 00:05:47,080 --> 00:05:54,280 Speaker 1: the Not Gonna Cry video? What was your loving working 94 00:05:54,480 --> 00:05:59,680 Speaker 1: every day? Anything? I would do that? That's literally how 95 00:05:59,720 --> 00:06:01,760 Speaker 1: Devot shot up out the doorstep, y'all. And at that 96 00:06:01,800 --> 00:06:03,520 Speaker 1: point I was just like, how could I not like 97 00:06:03,920 --> 00:06:05,680 Speaker 1: open the door and let him back in? And then 98 00:06:05,680 --> 00:06:07,320 Speaker 1: here we are. First of all, I came back because 99 00:06:07,320 --> 00:06:13,600 Speaker 1: I was hungry for two years and stuff like that. 100 00:06:13,760 --> 00:06:15,400 Speaker 1: Then you go back to living in your dorm. Now, 101 00:06:15,480 --> 00:06:16,960 Speaker 1: let's see what it is because you wanted to be 102 00:06:16,960 --> 00:06:20,440 Speaker 1: out there holing, but she wasn't getting meals first of all, 103 00:06:20,920 --> 00:06:24,119 Speaker 1: so hey, I wasn't home with neither. I had talked 104 00:06:24,120 --> 00:06:26,600 Speaker 1: to a few people, but I wasn't home. Neither one 105 00:06:26,600 --> 00:06:29,039 Speaker 1: of us had a true whole face. Because I could 106 00:06:29,080 --> 00:06:30,720 Speaker 1: have been a whole win, that's a fact could have 107 00:06:30,800 --> 00:06:33,640 Speaker 1: been especially the years I was in the league. I 108 00:06:33,640 --> 00:06:35,880 Speaker 1: could have been freaking home. I could have been holing too, 109 00:06:35,920 --> 00:06:38,160 Speaker 1: but like a silent hole to like nobody had to 110 00:06:38,240 --> 00:06:39,919 Speaker 1: know that I was holding if that was true, not 111 00:06:39,960 --> 00:06:42,719 Speaker 1: to know that is true. But here's the label on 112 00:06:42,760 --> 00:06:46,440 Speaker 1: people as hose hold on. Here's the thing why, Because 113 00:06:46,440 --> 00:06:47,839 Speaker 1: this is what I want to ask you, the question 114 00:06:48,080 --> 00:06:51,760 Speaker 1: why when I asked you? Because now she's saying she 115 00:06:51,800 --> 00:06:54,520 Speaker 1: missed her whole face. But when I asked her when 116 00:06:54,560 --> 00:06:56,280 Speaker 1: she she wanted to go through her phase and date 117 00:06:56,279 --> 00:06:59,320 Speaker 1: of the people she said no, why did you say no? Well, 118 00:06:59,760 --> 00:07:01,960 Speaker 1: that's a loaded question. But I will start by saying this. 119 00:07:04,160 --> 00:07:05,520 Speaker 1: I hate to say back in the day, because you're 120 00:07:05,520 --> 00:07:07,599 Speaker 1: already telling me I was over saying my jam. But 121 00:07:07,720 --> 00:07:10,360 Speaker 1: back in the day, in our in our time, okay, 122 00:07:10,880 --> 00:07:14,360 Speaker 1: the idea of a girl just being out there in 123 00:07:14,400 --> 00:07:17,400 Speaker 1: these streets, as they would say, now, it was just 124 00:07:17,440 --> 00:07:20,200 Speaker 1: something that I was taught being as I was raised, 125 00:07:20,200 --> 00:07:21,680 Speaker 1: you know, by my parents and my mom even just 126 00:07:21,720 --> 00:07:23,960 Speaker 1: like my cousin's older family members that that just was 127 00:07:24,000 --> 00:07:26,680 Speaker 1: not becoming as my mom was, you know what I mean, 128 00:07:26,640 --> 00:07:29,320 Speaker 1: It was a lady like to do those kind of things. Um, 129 00:07:29,360 --> 00:07:31,480 Speaker 1: So at that point in time, it was kind of 130 00:07:31,520 --> 00:07:37,040 Speaker 1: just like, um, dating multiple men naturally, people assume that 131 00:07:37,080 --> 00:07:40,240 Speaker 1: you're probably gonna then be having sex with them, So 132 00:07:40,280 --> 00:07:42,200 Speaker 1: it's just like, Wow, you can't like just jump around 133 00:07:42,240 --> 00:07:44,320 Speaker 1: from man to man because what will that look like? 134 00:07:44,840 --> 00:07:48,600 Speaker 1: You know what I'm saying. And then also too, there 135 00:07:48,680 --> 00:07:51,800 Speaker 1: was also this feeling of me, as it pertains to 136 00:07:51,840 --> 00:07:54,120 Speaker 1: you at the time, feeling like, man, if I was 137 00:07:54,640 --> 00:07:57,840 Speaker 1: to not be with devout right now and I tell him, 138 00:07:57,880 --> 00:07:59,360 Speaker 1: you know what you want to take other people, I'm 139 00:07:59,360 --> 00:08:01,960 Speaker 1: going to take other people. At that point, I feel 140 00:08:01,960 --> 00:08:05,000 Speaker 1: like even if we were to revisit being together later on, 141 00:08:05,600 --> 00:08:08,280 Speaker 1: you'd probably feel like, damn, this time that we've spent 142 00:08:08,320 --> 00:08:11,960 Speaker 1: a part you might have been with other men. And 143 00:08:11,960 --> 00:08:14,040 Speaker 1: even and even though we decided that we weren't going 144 00:08:14,080 --> 00:08:16,520 Speaker 1: to disclose that being on a break with each other, 145 00:08:16,600 --> 00:08:18,280 Speaker 1: like you do you you and I'll do me, and 146 00:08:18,320 --> 00:08:20,280 Speaker 1: then we won't have to discuss that because that's going 147 00:08:20,360 --> 00:08:22,360 Speaker 1: to be our off time. That for that's for us. 148 00:08:22,920 --> 00:08:24,800 Speaker 1: I feel like there still would have been this question 149 00:08:24,840 --> 00:08:27,480 Speaker 1: in your mind, like, damn, you know, I don't know 150 00:08:27,520 --> 00:08:30,320 Speaker 1: who could Dean has potentially been with, or how many 151 00:08:30,360 --> 00:08:32,600 Speaker 1: people could Dean has potentially been with, And if that 152 00:08:32,679 --> 00:08:37,520 Speaker 1: was gonna then skew your decision to pick back up 153 00:08:37,520 --> 00:08:40,120 Speaker 1: where things left off or for us to potentially be 154 00:08:40,200 --> 00:08:42,880 Speaker 1: together moving forward. There was also the fair in me 155 00:08:43,000 --> 00:08:45,960 Speaker 1: that damn, somebody might be out there home with devout 156 00:08:45,960 --> 00:08:48,240 Speaker 1: better than I cant home. You know what I mean, 157 00:08:48,360 --> 00:08:51,040 Speaker 1: meaning if we were talking about what you say to me, 158 00:08:51,320 --> 00:08:53,080 Speaker 1: that you was fine with me going to talk to 159 00:08:53,080 --> 00:08:54,640 Speaker 1: other people, don't. Yeah, At that point I felt like 160 00:08:54,640 --> 00:08:56,960 Speaker 1: it was I was fine and I was talking out 161 00:08:56,960 --> 00:08:58,560 Speaker 1: of both sides of my mouth. I will say that 162 00:08:58,600 --> 00:09:01,600 Speaker 1: because it was like and one breath, I felt like, Damn, 163 00:09:01,640 --> 00:09:03,920 Speaker 1: I don't want to keep you here as a hostage 164 00:09:04,000 --> 00:09:06,440 Speaker 1: either and make you feel like you are obligated to 165 00:09:06,480 --> 00:09:08,800 Speaker 1: be here and then be unhappy because, to be honest, 166 00:09:08,800 --> 00:09:10,520 Speaker 1: we both met each other at a space in our 167 00:09:10,720 --> 00:09:13,680 Speaker 1: lives where we did not want to necessarily be with 168 00:09:14,080 --> 00:09:18,160 Speaker 1: another person solely. You had just gotten to college. I 169 00:09:18,360 --> 00:09:21,400 Speaker 1: was also a boyfriend right and I was starting my 170 00:09:21,520 --> 00:09:24,680 Speaker 1: second year of college when I transferred to Hafstra, coming 171 00:09:24,760 --> 00:09:28,000 Speaker 1: from you know, a family background where my parents were 172 00:09:28,240 --> 00:09:30,400 Speaker 1: you know, pretty strict, and I wasn't able to go 173 00:09:30,440 --> 00:09:32,760 Speaker 1: out and do anything or just just have fun and 174 00:09:32,880 --> 00:09:34,760 Speaker 1: and date and party and things like that. So I 175 00:09:34,800 --> 00:09:38,440 Speaker 1: was looking forward to that space in my in my life. Um. 176 00:09:38,520 --> 00:09:40,720 Speaker 1: And then we met each other literally like my first 177 00:09:41,120 --> 00:09:43,880 Speaker 1: right before my first semester, and then we were just like, damn, 178 00:09:43,960 --> 00:09:46,640 Speaker 1: this just just maybe it. Um. So at that point 179 00:09:46,679 --> 00:09:48,679 Speaker 1: in time, it wasn't for me necessarily about the amount 180 00:09:48,720 --> 00:09:50,760 Speaker 1: of time I had invested for me. It was more 181 00:09:50,800 --> 00:09:54,360 Speaker 1: so about I really really am into this person. I 182 00:09:54,400 --> 00:09:57,520 Speaker 1: love this man. I can foresee a future with him. 183 00:09:57,920 --> 00:10:01,160 Speaker 1: Do I want to risk all of that by potentially 184 00:10:01,720 --> 00:10:04,800 Speaker 1: a allowing him to potentially meet somebody else who he 185 00:10:04,920 --> 00:10:07,960 Speaker 1: made I'm going to be with somebody else. You did 186 00:10:08,000 --> 00:10:11,319 Speaker 1: say that I risk that, but then also to part 187 00:10:11,360 --> 00:10:13,840 Speaker 1: of me felt like, damn, I really don't. Like I'm nervous. 188 00:10:13,840 --> 00:10:16,360 Speaker 1: I'm scared that he may just not come back all right, 189 00:10:16,720 --> 00:10:18,720 Speaker 1: because you were worried that if you were with someone else, 190 00:10:18,720 --> 00:10:21,040 Speaker 1: that I wouldn't take you back. Um, in part that 191 00:10:21,120 --> 00:10:22,720 Speaker 1: or that you would have just moved on, you know 192 00:10:22,760 --> 00:10:24,800 Speaker 1: what I'm saying. So you told me it was okay 193 00:10:24,840 --> 00:10:26,840 Speaker 1: for me to go talk to someone else, so you 194 00:10:26,840 --> 00:10:29,320 Speaker 1: will find willing to risk that. But you weren't willing 195 00:10:29,360 --> 00:10:31,240 Speaker 1: to risk you talking to someone else because you were 196 00:10:31,280 --> 00:10:34,040 Speaker 1: afraid that I wouldn't accept you based on the way 197 00:10:34,080 --> 00:10:37,320 Speaker 1: I had. Yes, based on my mindset at that time. Yes. Now, 198 00:10:37,520 --> 00:10:40,839 Speaker 1: the reason why I'm asking these questions specifically is because 199 00:10:40,880 --> 00:10:46,839 Speaker 1: of this. I am in favor of whole phases for women, right, 200 00:10:47,240 --> 00:10:50,440 Speaker 1: and I'm gonna I'm gonna say this because one, I 201 00:10:50,440 --> 00:10:53,360 Speaker 1: don't think it's necessarily a whole phase, all right, I 202 00:10:53,440 --> 00:10:55,440 Speaker 1: don't um we call it a whole phase, which is 203 00:10:55,559 --> 00:10:59,240 Speaker 1: part of the patriarchy. Right. If I'm out there talking 204 00:10:59,280 --> 00:11:01,760 Speaker 1: to different women, even if I'm having sex or not, 205 00:11:01,960 --> 00:11:04,080 Speaker 1: I'm some of my wild oats as a man. You 206 00:11:04,120 --> 00:11:06,200 Speaker 1: told get that out of the system, experience what life 207 00:11:06,240 --> 00:11:08,160 Speaker 1: is like. Right for a woman, if she tries to 208 00:11:08,160 --> 00:11:10,959 Speaker 1: have the same experiences, it's called the whole phase, which 209 00:11:11,000 --> 00:11:15,120 Speaker 1: automatically has a negative connotation whether you're having sex or not. 210 00:11:15,160 --> 00:11:18,040 Speaker 1: If you're dating multiple man, people automatically assume that you're 211 00:11:18,040 --> 00:11:21,400 Speaker 1: having sex. It's automatically called the whole phase. Right. So 212 00:11:22,160 --> 00:11:25,079 Speaker 1: I'm in favor of a woman having autonomy over her 213 00:11:25,880 --> 00:11:30,000 Speaker 1: life and her agency over her body, right, because I 214 00:11:30,040 --> 00:11:32,760 Speaker 1: feel like that's the only way a woman can truly 215 00:11:32,880 --> 00:11:35,480 Speaker 1: understand what it is to be a partner with someone 216 00:11:36,080 --> 00:11:38,720 Speaker 1: wants it's time to get married, so that she's pretty 217 00:11:38,800 --> 00:11:41,760 Speaker 1: much explored whatever options that she wanted to explore in 218 00:11:41,840 --> 00:11:44,800 Speaker 1: whatever shape, form or fashion that looks like for her, 219 00:11:45,360 --> 00:11:47,120 Speaker 1: and then she can decide. All right, at this point, 220 00:11:47,160 --> 00:11:49,640 Speaker 1: I've done all of these things, so now I'm confident 221 00:11:49,679 --> 00:11:52,079 Speaker 1: in who I am and I won't necessarily put restrictions 222 00:11:52,080 --> 00:11:55,160 Speaker 1: on my partner that And also, how could you understand 223 00:11:55,920 --> 00:11:58,160 Speaker 1: where I'm coming from as a man if I've always 224 00:11:58,200 --> 00:12:01,840 Speaker 1: had agency over my life and my experiences, if you've 225 00:12:01,920 --> 00:12:04,480 Speaker 1: never had agency, right, So just think about it for historically, 226 00:12:04,920 --> 00:12:09,079 Speaker 1: think about it for when you meet someone young, right, 227 00:12:09,240 --> 00:12:13,800 Speaker 1: you have certain obligations, right, and you feel trapped. Right. 228 00:12:13,880 --> 00:12:15,600 Speaker 1: That's men and women we meet each other young, we're 229 00:12:15,600 --> 00:12:17,600 Speaker 1: trying to be who the other person wants us to be. 230 00:12:17,640 --> 00:12:20,920 Speaker 1: We feel trapped. For women, women feel trapped whether they're 231 00:12:20,960 --> 00:12:24,480 Speaker 1: in a relationship or not, because society has already dictated 232 00:12:24,520 --> 00:12:26,360 Speaker 1: that if you date around too much, or if you 233 00:12:26,440 --> 00:12:29,720 Speaker 1: have sex with multiple people your whole So in your life, 234 00:12:29,720 --> 00:12:32,960 Speaker 1: you've automatically been trapped in this idea that I have 235 00:12:33,120 --> 00:12:35,920 Speaker 1: to save myself for the one person I choose, And 236 00:12:35,960 --> 00:12:39,040 Speaker 1: once I choose that person, I can't choose somebody else 237 00:12:39,040 --> 00:12:41,320 Speaker 1: because if I choose someone else after this one person, 238 00:12:41,600 --> 00:12:43,320 Speaker 1: then I'm a whole. So I gotta deal with this 239 00:12:43,400 --> 00:12:46,160 Speaker 1: one person. Right. So, now that you put all of 240 00:12:46,200 --> 00:12:48,560 Speaker 1: that that women have been trapped with right now, that 241 00:12:48,640 --> 00:12:51,440 Speaker 1: woman becomes a wife. You know what that woman does 242 00:12:52,160 --> 00:12:55,160 Speaker 1: then tries to trap their husband in that same mindset 243 00:12:55,160 --> 00:12:57,600 Speaker 1: because that's how they existed their whole life. And that 244 00:12:57,800 --> 00:13:00,400 Speaker 1: is why I'm in favor of the whole phase. I'm 245 00:13:00,440 --> 00:13:03,520 Speaker 1: calling the whole face. That's what's called but autonomy for 246 00:13:03,600 --> 00:13:05,800 Speaker 1: women and agency having their bodies because the only way 247 00:13:05,840 --> 00:13:10,280 Speaker 1: they can understand the the value of having choices is 248 00:13:10,320 --> 00:13:13,880 Speaker 1: if we give women choices because it sounds nice, No, 249 00:13:14,240 --> 00:13:16,920 Speaker 1: it does sound we just so that the vast majority 250 00:13:16,920 --> 00:13:19,360 Speaker 1: does not feel that way, because in a patriarchal society, 251 00:13:19,679 --> 00:13:24,800 Speaker 1: control over a woman's body is essential to maintaining power. 252 00:13:25,040 --> 00:13:28,680 Speaker 1: Right Historically, and issues of issues of choice are turned 253 00:13:28,679 --> 00:13:33,640 Speaker 1: into issues of morality, um, political pillars, those kind of things, right, 254 00:13:33,800 --> 00:13:36,000 Speaker 1: and women are taught that their value lies in their 255 00:13:36,040 --> 00:13:39,440 Speaker 1: purity in the eyes of men, and then then that 256 00:13:39,559 --> 00:13:42,240 Speaker 1: even takes it to like though it takes two to tango, 257 00:13:42,280 --> 00:13:45,200 Speaker 1: the man cannot be responsible for his animalistic desires. So 258 00:13:45,200 --> 00:13:47,600 Speaker 1: there's like two completely different things being made here. And 259 00:13:47,640 --> 00:13:51,160 Speaker 1: the idea in that order to be desired, women must 260 00:13:51,200 --> 00:13:55,240 Speaker 1: feed men's egos and satisfy their delusions while still suppressing 261 00:13:55,240 --> 00:13:59,000 Speaker 1: their own needs and desires. It's created who a whole 262 00:13:59,080 --> 00:14:03,440 Speaker 1: toxic culture between But do you not understand why people 263 00:14:03,480 --> 00:14:07,800 Speaker 1: struggle in relationships because of that? And what I'm saying 264 00:14:07,840 --> 00:14:11,760 Speaker 1: is that the patriarchy has created it so that women, 265 00:14:11,880 --> 00:14:14,760 Speaker 1: once you get married, are your property now you know, 266 00:14:14,800 --> 00:14:16,880 Speaker 1: so it doesn't matter what they want or need because 267 00:14:16,920 --> 00:14:19,080 Speaker 1: you own her. That's why she takes your last name. 268 00:14:19,320 --> 00:14:21,640 Speaker 1: What I'm saying is, I don't want a piece of property. 269 00:14:21,880 --> 00:14:23,880 Speaker 1: I don't thrive in a relationship where I want to 270 00:14:23,880 --> 00:14:26,920 Speaker 1: tell my wife what it is. I want to live 271 00:14:26,960 --> 00:14:30,760 Speaker 1: in a relationship where my wife chose me the same 272 00:14:30,800 --> 00:14:34,040 Speaker 1: way I chose her, because I know sexually, And this 273 00:14:34,080 --> 00:14:36,440 Speaker 1: is why it's important for That's why even the whole 274 00:14:36,440 --> 00:14:39,440 Speaker 1: phase aspects sexually, your wife is going to give you 275 00:14:39,480 --> 00:14:44,040 Speaker 1: a better sexual experience if she is wholeheartedly choosing to 276 00:14:44,160 --> 00:14:46,680 Speaker 1: be with you in that moment. You see what I'm saying. 277 00:14:47,000 --> 00:14:51,480 Speaker 1: I'm I'm being selfish. I'm i am absolutely being selfish. 278 00:14:51,640 --> 00:14:54,040 Speaker 1: I'm not saying this because I want women to feel 279 00:14:54,040 --> 00:14:57,200 Speaker 1: empowering and all this other stuff. And you know, men 280 00:14:57,320 --> 00:15:00,080 Speaker 1: need to take control, you know me own up of 281 00:15:00,120 --> 00:15:02,720 Speaker 1: the patriarchy. And because it sounds nice, I'm saying this 282 00:15:02,800 --> 00:15:05,200 Speaker 1: because I'm being selfish, and I'm telling you as a husband, 283 00:15:05,760 --> 00:15:08,720 Speaker 1: I feel better having sex when we have sex. When 284 00:15:08,760 --> 00:15:11,600 Speaker 1: you've chosen to have sex in that moment, the sex 285 00:15:11,680 --> 00:15:13,800 Speaker 1: is just better. You see what I'm saying. When you're 286 00:15:13,840 --> 00:15:17,120 Speaker 1: obligated to have sex, sex is terrible. So for me, 287 00:15:17,160 --> 00:15:20,200 Speaker 1: it's like, you know what, thinking over years, if Cadine 288 00:15:20,200 --> 00:15:22,520 Speaker 1: ever had a whole phase where she went out and 289 00:15:22,520 --> 00:15:25,560 Speaker 1: had agency over her life, right and say we didn't 290 00:15:25,600 --> 00:15:27,800 Speaker 1: meet at a team, Say you had your whole face 291 00:15:27,880 --> 00:15:30,800 Speaker 1: before we met, before we met, Say we met at five, 292 00:15:31,640 --> 00:15:34,400 Speaker 1: but from eighteen to twenty five you dated, you were 293 00:15:34,400 --> 00:15:36,520 Speaker 1: able to be with different guys. I wouldn't know who 294 00:15:36,560 --> 00:15:39,160 Speaker 1: they were. I wouldn't know how many, it wouldn't matter. 295 00:15:39,600 --> 00:15:42,800 Speaker 1: But now you've had that opportunity to feel free and 296 00:15:42,840 --> 00:15:47,040 Speaker 1: be have agency. But now you're choosing to be with me. 297 00:15:48,000 --> 00:15:49,960 Speaker 1: I know for a fact that when you're choosing to 298 00:15:50,000 --> 00:15:51,920 Speaker 1: be with me, you're choosing it out of your own 299 00:15:51,920 --> 00:15:55,240 Speaker 1: free will. So now you're enjoying every moment that you have. 300 00:15:56,120 --> 00:15:58,320 Speaker 1: And that's me being selfish. I want those moments. I 301 00:15:58,320 --> 00:16:00,920 Speaker 1: don't want it to be Dang. He felt trapped her 302 00:16:00,920 --> 00:16:03,480 Speaker 1: whole life we've been dating is eighteen and then now 303 00:16:03,520 --> 00:16:06,400 Speaker 1: that we're married in together, she's trapped here too, and 304 00:16:06,440 --> 00:16:08,720 Speaker 1: she wants to trap me because she felt trapped. No, 305 00:16:08,880 --> 00:16:11,960 Speaker 1: I understand it's interesting that you said that. I didn't 306 00:16:11,960 --> 00:16:13,840 Speaker 1: think of it in that way where you're you're saying, okay, 307 00:16:13,840 --> 00:16:15,760 Speaker 1: because I may have felt trapped. Or say, a woman 308 00:16:15,800 --> 00:16:18,600 Speaker 1: feels trapped because she was not able to explore all 309 00:16:18,600 --> 00:16:24,200 Speaker 1: of the options that she had, whether it be just courting, dating, sex, relationships, whatever, 310 00:16:24,600 --> 00:16:28,880 Speaker 1: it then causing her to then want to entrap the man. 311 00:16:30,640 --> 00:16:32,520 Speaker 1: And then I guess that resentment can kind of spill 312 00:16:32,520 --> 00:16:34,880 Speaker 1: over when the resentment has nothing necessarily to do with 313 00:16:34,920 --> 00:16:36,640 Speaker 1: your husband in that moment because he may not have 314 00:16:36,680 --> 00:16:37,960 Speaker 1: been the guy that you might have met him two 315 00:16:38,040 --> 00:16:40,760 Speaker 1: years ago, and at that point, you know, he had 316 00:16:40,760 --> 00:16:42,640 Speaker 1: nothing to do with the fact that you were not 317 00:16:42,680 --> 00:16:45,560 Speaker 1: able to do those things. But now he is now 318 00:16:45,880 --> 00:16:48,200 Speaker 1: unfortunately having to bear the brunt of it. Tell me 319 00:16:48,320 --> 00:16:52,080 Speaker 1: we haven't been interesting. We've We've talked about sex a lot, right, 320 00:16:52,240 --> 00:16:54,280 Speaker 1: And you said things to me just like, well, no, 321 00:16:54,520 --> 00:16:56,240 Speaker 1: you just have to be with me at this point 322 00:16:56,240 --> 00:16:58,560 Speaker 1: because I'm your wife and that's it. These things you 323 00:16:58,600 --> 00:17:00,720 Speaker 1: talked about having other options and off like, no, it's 324 00:17:00,720 --> 00:17:03,040 Speaker 1: a wrap. This is what it is because I'm your 325 00:17:03,080 --> 00:17:06,000 Speaker 1: wife and my husband, right, and I say to you, babe, 326 00:17:06,000 --> 00:17:08,720 Speaker 1: we have options, like and I've always said you like, 327 00:17:08,760 --> 00:17:10,399 Speaker 1: we have options. I don't have to be here the 328 00:17:10,400 --> 00:17:12,359 Speaker 1: same way you don't have to be here. You've said 329 00:17:12,400 --> 00:17:16,320 Speaker 1: to me, what options have I had my whole life? 330 00:17:16,359 --> 00:17:18,600 Speaker 1: I've had to be this way to be prepared to 331 00:17:18,720 --> 00:17:22,600 Speaker 1: be a wife. So you've never felt like you've had options. 332 00:17:22,800 --> 00:17:25,160 Speaker 1: You felt like society has put on you that you've 333 00:17:25,160 --> 00:17:28,280 Speaker 1: had to be as close to a version as possible 334 00:17:28,800 --> 00:17:32,720 Speaker 1: to be acceptable. So think about it. The reason why 335 00:17:33,000 --> 00:17:37,119 Speaker 1: you feel like me not having options is okay. It 336 00:17:37,200 --> 00:17:39,080 Speaker 1: is because you felt like your whole life you've never 337 00:17:39,119 --> 00:17:41,479 Speaker 1: had options and you learned to live with them. But 338 00:17:41,720 --> 00:17:44,159 Speaker 1: I haven't lived that way. So when someone says to me, 339 00:17:44,200 --> 00:17:47,320 Speaker 1: I'm taking away your options, it's kind of like, how 340 00:17:47,359 --> 00:17:49,439 Speaker 1: you can just take away my options? Nobody can take 341 00:17:49,480 --> 00:17:52,280 Speaker 1: away my options, but I'm not realizing that because I've 342 00:17:52,280 --> 00:17:55,520 Speaker 1: never existed in that state. It's almost like when a 343 00:17:55,560 --> 00:17:59,560 Speaker 1: white person says they don't understand racism because they're they're white, 344 00:17:59,640 --> 00:18:02,199 Speaker 1: that you know they have the ability to kind of 345 00:18:02,320 --> 00:18:04,280 Speaker 1: escape from that because they're not black. Yeah, I mean, 346 00:18:04,280 --> 00:18:06,800 Speaker 1: of course they're so far removing. They have that privilege. 347 00:18:07,400 --> 00:18:10,760 Speaker 1: Definitely had that privilege is a man to be able 348 00:18:10,760 --> 00:18:13,240 Speaker 1: to do what I want to do and not feel 349 00:18:13,520 --> 00:18:16,199 Speaker 1: the pressure from society of it. So when I come 350 00:18:16,240 --> 00:18:18,400 Speaker 1: into a relationship with my wife, who has these pressures 351 00:18:18,440 --> 00:18:21,440 Speaker 1: as a woman, I'm not understanding it. And it really 352 00:18:21,480 --> 00:18:24,520 Speaker 1: made me think, like, you know what, if I had 353 00:18:24,560 --> 00:18:27,920 Speaker 1: met Codeine at as opposed to eighteen and she went 354 00:18:27,960 --> 00:18:30,640 Speaker 1: through her quote unquote whole face, whether that was multiple 355 00:18:30,720 --> 00:18:34,720 Speaker 1: partners or just dating more, I feel like you would 356 00:18:34,720 --> 00:18:39,000 Speaker 1: have been in a more inclined position to say I'm 357 00:18:39,040 --> 00:18:41,679 Speaker 1: willing to compromise here on this because I did what 358 00:18:41,800 --> 00:18:44,960 Speaker 1: I wanted to do. I've had agency. I want to 359 00:18:44,960 --> 00:18:47,840 Speaker 1: see how we can compromise. But when you spent your 360 00:18:47,840 --> 00:18:50,879 Speaker 1: whole life feeling trapped and now we're married, you're like, bro, 361 00:18:50,960 --> 00:18:52,840 Speaker 1: I've been trapped, so well, yeah, it's found upon And 362 00:18:52,920 --> 00:18:54,920 Speaker 1: especially if you're come from a family or that has 363 00:18:55,000 --> 00:18:58,160 Speaker 1: maybe religious beliefs and stuff like that, you're like holding 364 00:18:58,240 --> 00:19:01,960 Speaker 1: onto you know, your your virginity until marriage, for example, 365 00:19:02,080 --> 00:19:03,800 Speaker 1: and then at that point it becomes a thing where 366 00:19:03,800 --> 00:19:05,680 Speaker 1: it's like damn, Like, my husband is the one person 367 00:19:05,680 --> 00:19:08,000 Speaker 1: that I've been with, and the argument there may be, oh, 368 00:19:08,160 --> 00:19:09,639 Speaker 1: this is the one person I've been with, so I 369 00:19:09,680 --> 00:19:13,399 Speaker 1: can't compare this to anything else. And I can understand that, 370 00:19:13,440 --> 00:19:15,760 Speaker 1: But also too, as you get older and you're with 371 00:19:15,840 --> 00:19:17,800 Speaker 1: that one person and you realize, man, there might have 372 00:19:17,840 --> 00:19:21,520 Speaker 1: been opportunities for me to then explore more. So it 373 00:19:21,560 --> 00:19:24,440 Speaker 1: becomes hard because not to say my family was super religious, 374 00:19:24,440 --> 00:19:28,040 Speaker 1: but they did instill in me, Yeah, they were. They 375 00:19:28,080 --> 00:19:30,040 Speaker 1: were raised that way to my parents, not so much 376 00:19:30,040 --> 00:19:32,719 Speaker 1: my grandparents, aunt and uncle's yes, but also raising that 377 00:19:32,760 --> 00:19:35,600 Speaker 1: you know you're always valuing is valuing yourself, valuing your body, 378 00:19:35,880 --> 00:19:38,000 Speaker 1: and then also to when I think about it, the 379 00:19:38,040 --> 00:19:41,760 Speaker 1: whole phase, does that necessarily mean the number of penises 380 00:19:41,800 --> 00:19:44,000 Speaker 1: you've had? You know what I mean? Is it just 381 00:19:44,080 --> 00:19:46,719 Speaker 1: it just that? Is it just strictly intercourse? I mean 382 00:19:46,760 --> 00:19:48,400 Speaker 1: typically when you say a girl's like, oh, it means 383 00:19:48,440 --> 00:19:52,400 Speaker 1: that historically she's been sleeping with mad people. But also too, 384 00:19:52,680 --> 00:19:55,080 Speaker 1: it doesn't have to be that, right, No, it doesn't 385 00:19:55,200 --> 00:19:59,080 Speaker 1: need to be that because the minute you date right 386 00:19:59,240 --> 00:20:01,760 Speaker 1: or start dating, people automatically assume that two people who 387 00:20:01,800 --> 00:20:05,240 Speaker 1: are dating are having sex. Like that's just the world 388 00:20:05,280 --> 00:20:08,400 Speaker 1: that we live in this space right now, and it's 389 00:20:08,440 --> 00:20:13,439 Speaker 1: almost expected if you're no, yeah, if you're it's almost 390 00:20:13,440 --> 00:20:16,320 Speaker 1: expected like are we gonna? That's what. There's the whole 391 00:20:16,359 --> 00:20:18,760 Speaker 1: casual sex thing that happens nowadays too that it's just 392 00:20:18,840 --> 00:20:21,960 Speaker 1: like right, so, and that's that's the error we live 393 00:20:22,000 --> 00:20:25,600 Speaker 1: in now. But it's called the whole phase, and it 394 00:20:25,680 --> 00:20:29,159 Speaker 1: has that negative connotation once again because of the control factor. 395 00:20:29,600 --> 00:20:32,720 Speaker 1: You want women to limit their sexual partners because as 396 00:20:32,800 --> 00:20:35,560 Speaker 1: a as a property owner, as a man, I want 397 00:20:35,600 --> 00:20:38,080 Speaker 1: my woman to only be with me. Right, It's it 398 00:20:38,160 --> 00:20:40,760 Speaker 1: talked about feeding their delusions in their egos. If this 399 00:20:40,800 --> 00:20:43,040 Speaker 1: woman has only been with me, she can't compare me 400 00:20:43,119 --> 00:20:44,600 Speaker 1: to nothing. I'm always going to be the best she 401 00:20:44,680 --> 00:20:47,040 Speaker 1: ever had. I'm saying. So if she's with yeah, you 402 00:20:47,080 --> 00:20:49,920 Speaker 1: always hear somebody she for the streets. She for the streets. 403 00:20:50,000 --> 00:20:52,320 Speaker 1: That's not a that's not a positive thing. That's my point. 404 00:20:52,359 --> 00:20:54,800 Speaker 1: I've heard men use those things. I've heard your male 405 00:20:54,840 --> 00:20:57,639 Speaker 1: friends use that. Now I'm getting what she for the streets. Absolutely, 406 00:20:57,720 --> 00:20:59,520 Speaker 1: you know what I mean. But my thing is says, 407 00:21:00,600 --> 00:21:02,639 Speaker 1: do people have to know that you're for the streets 408 00:21:03,320 --> 00:21:08,800 Speaker 1: or can you hold silently then talk? Absolutely? Men talk. 409 00:21:08,840 --> 00:21:11,560 Speaker 1: But here's the thing, is it howing if you're not 410 00:21:11,640 --> 00:21:14,119 Speaker 1: having sex with everybody right, you can't even get a 411 00:21:14,119 --> 00:21:15,919 Speaker 1: whole phase because if you go on a date with 412 00:21:15,960 --> 00:21:19,040 Speaker 1: this person and they go to date with it might 413 00:21:19,040 --> 00:21:21,880 Speaker 1: as well accepted at this point, you know what we all. 414 00:21:22,240 --> 00:21:25,200 Speaker 1: Here's my thing. We're not we're not setting women up 415 00:21:25,280 --> 00:21:30,680 Speaker 1: to be wives or be good life partners if we're 416 00:21:30,720 --> 00:21:33,600 Speaker 1: not giving them agency. What you're trying to do is 417 00:21:33,640 --> 00:21:36,840 Speaker 1: brainwash someone to exist in the space you want them 418 00:21:36,840 --> 00:21:38,920 Speaker 1: to exist in, and that is not going to make 419 00:21:39,080 --> 00:21:42,719 Speaker 1: a person happy in their relationship. I see, Yeah, when 420 00:21:42,720 --> 00:21:44,760 Speaker 1: you're bringing it back to relationship, I completely get it. 421 00:21:45,119 --> 00:21:47,080 Speaker 1: Let her do what she wants, let him do what 422 00:21:47,080 --> 00:21:49,600 Speaker 1: he wants. So when they finally do get with somebody 423 00:21:49,600 --> 00:21:51,920 Speaker 1: and they want to settle down, then it makes sense. 424 00:21:52,640 --> 00:21:56,280 Speaker 1: They've they've experienced, they've lived. Yep. And it's in part 425 00:21:56,280 --> 00:21:58,480 Speaker 1: too why a lot of people are waiting till later. Nowadays, 426 00:21:58,480 --> 00:22:00,639 Speaker 1: I feel like in our generation and the narrations to 427 00:22:00,920 --> 00:22:05,440 Speaker 1: you know, after us are waiting to settle down. There's 428 00:22:05,440 --> 00:22:07,600 Speaker 1: not a lot of people getting married in their twenties anymore. 429 00:22:07,680 --> 00:22:09,960 Speaker 1: If anything, people are waiting until their thirties. People aren't 430 00:22:09,960 --> 00:22:11,800 Speaker 1: getting married at all, you know what I mean? And 431 00:22:11,800 --> 00:22:13,840 Speaker 1: that that maybe in part two because at that point 432 00:22:13,880 --> 00:22:17,159 Speaker 1: in your life you kind of feel like you've experienced, 433 00:22:17,160 --> 00:22:19,120 Speaker 1: you've lived, you've done things, and then you know who 434 00:22:19,160 --> 00:22:21,359 Speaker 1: you are and what you want and what you don't want. Well, 435 00:22:21,520 --> 00:22:23,199 Speaker 1: I think what we what we have to do is 436 00:22:23,240 --> 00:22:26,080 Speaker 1: give a little context, kind of like we do with racism, right, 437 00:22:26,080 --> 00:22:29,639 Speaker 1: We've got to give context of sexism. Right. So for 438 00:22:29,640 --> 00:22:33,440 Speaker 1: for white people who don't understand racism, right, they don't 439 00:22:33,480 --> 00:22:36,160 Speaker 1: understand the pressures black people live with every day existing 440 00:22:36,400 --> 00:22:40,240 Speaker 1: in America, for example, where the Constitution have deemed them 441 00:22:40,280 --> 00:22:43,000 Speaker 1: three fields of a human being or property. Right, So 442 00:22:43,040 --> 00:22:46,680 Speaker 1: when we when we walk around, we get policed harder. 443 00:22:46,840 --> 00:22:48,600 Speaker 1: You know what I'm saying. We don't get access to revenue, 444 00:22:48,600 --> 00:22:50,720 Speaker 1: we don't get access to things. Those pressures exist on 445 00:22:50,800 --> 00:22:55,360 Speaker 1: us every single day that white people don't understand or feel. Right, 446 00:22:55,520 --> 00:22:59,520 Speaker 1: It's the same thing with sexism in the world. Right, 447 00:22:59,720 --> 00:23:03,320 Speaker 1: there certain privileges that men have and they're not even 448 00:23:03,359 --> 00:23:06,119 Speaker 1: privy to because they don't exist in that space. So 449 00:23:06,200 --> 00:23:08,800 Speaker 1: for a woman, if you dress provocatively, you can be 450 00:23:08,840 --> 00:23:10,840 Speaker 1: considered the whole. If you're out of a certain time, 451 00:23:10,880 --> 00:23:13,120 Speaker 1: you're considered the whole. If you're seen with a certain guy, 452 00:23:13,160 --> 00:23:15,359 Speaker 1: you're considered a hope, which to me I think is 453 00:23:15,400 --> 00:23:19,600 Speaker 1: completely unfair because what we're not allowing women to do 454 00:23:19,760 --> 00:23:23,440 Speaker 1: is come into their own their own person. So, for example, 455 00:23:24,240 --> 00:23:28,160 Speaker 1: there is um everyone has a sexual being inside of them, right, 456 00:23:28,680 --> 00:23:31,679 Speaker 1: women as well. Men who want to be in monogamous 457 00:23:31,760 --> 00:23:36,640 Speaker 1: relationships with women want that woman to understand their sexual 458 00:23:36,680 --> 00:23:40,520 Speaker 1: beings and be everything to them sexually. Right. You told 459 00:23:40,520 --> 00:23:43,240 Speaker 1: this woman her whole life not to be sexual at all, 460 00:23:43,960 --> 00:23:46,159 Speaker 1: not to engage in anything sexual. But then when you 461 00:23:46,200 --> 00:23:49,080 Speaker 1: get her, she has to be everything. How does that work? 462 00:23:50,240 --> 00:23:51,720 Speaker 1: You know what I'm saying? Thing like, if if we 463 00:23:51,800 --> 00:23:55,280 Speaker 1: seriously think about that from a practicality standpoint, it doesn't 464 00:23:55,280 --> 00:23:58,400 Speaker 1: make any sense. And that's why I'm in favor of 465 00:23:58,760 --> 00:24:01,159 Speaker 1: I'm not even gonna say a whole face, but allowing 466 00:24:01,240 --> 00:24:03,879 Speaker 1: women because the whole phase is just so negative, but 467 00:24:03,960 --> 00:24:08,000 Speaker 1: allowing women to have autonomy and agency over anything they 468 00:24:08,000 --> 00:24:10,119 Speaker 1: want to do. Because it also was just a choice. 469 00:24:10,720 --> 00:24:12,640 Speaker 1: I'm a man, I could have been through a huge 470 00:24:12,640 --> 00:24:14,560 Speaker 1: hole phase. I just didn't want to do it right. 471 00:24:14,880 --> 00:24:18,760 Speaker 1: I want to be monogamous. You know what I'm saying, Um, 472 00:24:18,920 --> 00:24:21,080 Speaker 1: I value my body. I don't want to share my 473 00:24:21,080 --> 00:24:24,159 Speaker 1: body with any in everybody. I made choices in my 474 00:24:24,240 --> 00:24:25,800 Speaker 1: life or who I wanted to share my body with 475 00:24:25,880 --> 00:24:29,320 Speaker 1: at that time. But I wasn't homing the way I 476 00:24:29,320 --> 00:24:31,640 Speaker 1: could have been homing. And I think that if it's 477 00:24:31,760 --> 00:24:34,320 Speaker 1: for a woman, she should have the same opportunity. That's 478 00:24:34,320 --> 00:24:36,159 Speaker 1: interesting that you said that that as a man, you 479 00:24:36,160 --> 00:24:38,040 Speaker 1: feel like you value your body in a in a 480 00:24:38,119 --> 00:24:40,960 Speaker 1: way that not just even thinking about sharing it with 481 00:24:41,000 --> 00:24:43,919 Speaker 1: anybody else, but just for you internally, you value yourself 482 00:24:43,920 --> 00:24:45,720 Speaker 1: in your body so much that you feel like, you 483 00:24:45,720 --> 00:24:48,720 Speaker 1: know what, I don't want to do these things or 484 00:24:48,760 --> 00:24:51,960 Speaker 1: I don't want to be promiscuous because I value myself. 485 00:24:52,240 --> 00:24:55,080 Speaker 1: Do you think that men think that way often? Or 486 00:24:55,160 --> 00:24:56,680 Speaker 1: is it a thing where because I've heard of men, 487 00:24:57,119 --> 00:24:59,240 Speaker 1: you know, when I hear side chat or when you know, 488 00:24:59,400 --> 00:25:01,159 Speaker 1: guys an talk but they think I ain't listening, that 489 00:25:01,240 --> 00:25:03,639 Speaker 1: are listening. Some men just be putting it in whatever. 490 00:25:03,720 --> 00:25:05,160 Speaker 1: And I don't know if it's because you also wear 491 00:25:05,200 --> 00:25:07,160 Speaker 1: your organs on the outside of your body, so it's 492 00:25:07,200 --> 00:25:10,119 Speaker 1: just kind of like a detachment, whereas with females and women, 493 00:25:10,480 --> 00:25:14,000 Speaker 1: you know, you know, biologically everything is internal. I mean, 494 00:25:14,080 --> 00:25:16,680 Speaker 1: I mean, it's definitely different because of where the organs lie. 495 00:25:16,920 --> 00:25:20,320 Speaker 1: With a woman, you have more, uh, there's more opportunities 496 00:25:20,359 --> 00:25:22,639 Speaker 1: for you that one get pregnant or get a sexually 497 00:25:22,680 --> 00:25:25,520 Speaker 1: transmitted disease, the more sexual partners you have because everything 498 00:25:25,560 --> 00:25:29,159 Speaker 1: is internal. And then a lot of times y'all are silent, right, 499 00:25:29,200 --> 00:25:33,520 Speaker 1: so for us, we we feel invincible. You know, it's outside. Oh, 500 00:25:33,560 --> 00:25:35,120 Speaker 1: if I get something, I could just take a shot 501 00:25:35,200 --> 00:25:37,240 Speaker 1: or get a pill or whatever. And it's good for women, 502 00:25:37,280 --> 00:25:39,840 Speaker 1: it's not that simple. So for men, they're more likely 503 00:25:39,880 --> 00:25:41,200 Speaker 1: to be like, I'll put on the condom and I'll 504 00:25:41,240 --> 00:25:43,840 Speaker 1: just smash because also we've been conditioned to feel like 505 00:25:43,880 --> 00:25:46,119 Speaker 1: that's how you prove your manliness. A lot of it 506 00:25:46,160 --> 00:25:48,880 Speaker 1: just comes down to conditioning, you know, it doesn't really 507 00:25:48,960 --> 00:25:51,840 Speaker 1: it comes down to an ideology that we're taught. You know, 508 00:25:52,119 --> 00:25:54,879 Speaker 1: growing up, you watch television. Most of us in the 509 00:25:54,880 --> 00:25:57,119 Speaker 1: black community watch rap videos, R and V videos. If 510 00:25:57,160 --> 00:26:00,080 Speaker 1: you watch rap videos, it's typically one two men. The 511 00:26:00,160 --> 00:26:02,840 Speaker 1: videos a ton of women, right, and the women are 512 00:26:02,840 --> 00:26:05,199 Speaker 1: objectified and the men are like, I'm getting this, I'm 513 00:26:05,240 --> 00:26:07,760 Speaker 1: getting that, I'm doing this, I'm doing that right. But 514 00:26:08,040 --> 00:26:10,320 Speaker 1: the same men who feel comfortable doing that have a 515 00:26:10,400 --> 00:26:14,040 Speaker 1: problem with a Cardi B or Meg the Stallion and 516 00:26:14,200 --> 00:26:17,320 Speaker 1: the WAP video because they're like, oh, y'all are glorifying 517 00:26:18,000 --> 00:26:20,960 Speaker 1: being a whole, you know what I'm saying, And y'all 518 00:26:20,960 --> 00:26:24,399 Speaker 1: shouldn't glorify that. To me, it's kind of like like, damn, Like, 519 00:26:25,240 --> 00:26:27,119 Speaker 1: how how is the woman that you choose for the 520 00:26:27,160 --> 00:26:31,640 Speaker 1: rest of your life supposed to be that whole for you? 521 00:26:31,640 --> 00:26:33,680 Speaker 1: You know what I'm saying. You're my wife, right, I'm 522 00:26:33,680 --> 00:26:35,760 Speaker 1: your husband when it comes time to things that you 523 00:26:35,840 --> 00:26:38,320 Speaker 1: want sexually. I want to be able to provide all 524 00:26:38,320 --> 00:26:41,600 Speaker 1: of those things for you. How do I figure that 525 00:26:41,640 --> 00:26:44,640 Speaker 1: out if I don't explore sexually? You know what I'm saying. 526 00:26:44,720 --> 00:26:47,000 Speaker 1: How do you figure that out if you don't explore sex? 527 00:26:47,119 --> 00:26:50,000 Speaker 1: I mean you can explore together because the kind of 528 00:26:50,040 --> 00:26:52,560 Speaker 1: like how we've grown, like right, because when we were 529 00:26:52,560 --> 00:26:55,879 Speaker 1: eighteen having sex versus now two completely different ends of 530 00:26:55,880 --> 00:26:59,520 Speaker 1: the sect, you know what I mean. But also too, we're, 531 00:26:59,680 --> 00:27:01,199 Speaker 1: like I said before, we're kind of like that that 532 00:27:01,240 --> 00:27:04,320 Speaker 1: couple that's been together for so long and you know, 533 00:27:04,400 --> 00:27:07,440 Speaker 1: people because we chose that, whereas there are people who 534 00:27:07,480 --> 00:27:09,359 Speaker 1: are like, well into their twenties and thirties and still 535 00:27:09,400 --> 00:27:11,240 Speaker 1: still exploring and still trying to figure things out and 536 00:27:11,280 --> 00:27:13,119 Speaker 1: things don't work out. You know. That's my point is 537 00:27:13,160 --> 00:27:16,320 Speaker 1: the choice. The point is not even the actual act 538 00:27:16,359 --> 00:27:18,640 Speaker 1: of having sex with a whole bunch of people. It's 539 00:27:18,680 --> 00:27:21,200 Speaker 1: the ability to have the choice to say that this 540 00:27:21,280 --> 00:27:23,720 Speaker 1: is what I want to do. I know for a fact, 541 00:27:23,960 --> 00:27:27,560 Speaker 1: right that I asked that question to you in college, 542 00:27:27,800 --> 00:27:30,280 Speaker 1: I said, do you want to see other people? Right? 543 00:27:30,720 --> 00:27:34,399 Speaker 1: I knew that you've always been about modesty and you've 544 00:27:34,400 --> 00:27:37,520 Speaker 1: always been about being a lady. Right. I never wanted 545 00:27:37,560 --> 00:27:40,119 Speaker 1: you later on in our marriage to be like I 546 00:27:40,200 --> 00:27:41,879 Speaker 1: never got a chance to do the things I wanted 547 00:27:41,880 --> 00:27:43,200 Speaker 1: to do, and now I'm going to take it out 548 00:27:43,200 --> 00:27:46,040 Speaker 1: on devout. And I always felt, even as a young man, 549 00:27:46,119 --> 00:27:48,720 Speaker 1: that that's what happened a lot. That's what happens a 550 00:27:48,720 --> 00:27:52,080 Speaker 1: lot in marriages. Women don't get a chance to explore 551 00:27:52,119 --> 00:27:54,919 Speaker 1: who they are, and not exploring is even a mental 552 00:27:55,080 --> 00:27:59,679 Speaker 1: freedom to say, if I wanted to, I can can 553 00:27:59,720 --> 00:28:01,560 Speaker 1: feel like judge for it. Right, you don't feel like 554 00:28:01,600 --> 00:28:06,800 Speaker 1: you definitely don't know. We don't have that. What do 555 00:28:06,800 --> 00:28:08,160 Speaker 1: you do? So what do you do when you become 556 00:28:08,160 --> 00:28:09,439 Speaker 1: a wife, and what do you do? You put all 557 00:28:09,440 --> 00:28:11,560 Speaker 1: of that pressure absolutely yeah, and be like, well, I 558 00:28:11,600 --> 00:28:13,520 Speaker 1: didn't have a chance to do that, so you see, 559 00:28:13,640 --> 00:28:16,919 Speaker 1: I'm still alive, I'm still here. So then once you 560 00:28:16,920 --> 00:28:18,840 Speaker 1: put that on me and I was defensive, like what 561 00:28:18,920 --> 00:28:21,159 Speaker 1: you like, you can't stop me from doing what I 562 00:28:21,200 --> 00:28:24,000 Speaker 1: want to do. That to me is the problem. It's 563 00:28:24,040 --> 00:28:26,240 Speaker 1: the problem when you take people's choices away. When you 564 00:28:26,280 --> 00:28:29,000 Speaker 1: take people's choices away and you then you try to 565 00:28:29,080 --> 00:28:32,159 Speaker 1: date them, they're gonna ultimately try to take your choices away. 566 00:28:32,880 --> 00:28:34,960 Speaker 1: I want to be here because I want to be here. 567 00:28:35,280 --> 00:28:37,680 Speaker 1: I want you to be here because you want to 568 00:28:37,720 --> 00:28:42,200 Speaker 1: be here, not because you feel obligated by society's constraints 569 00:28:42,200 --> 00:28:43,920 Speaker 1: on you as a woman that you have to be 570 00:28:44,000 --> 00:28:46,280 Speaker 1: here to be to gain more value. You know what 571 00:28:46,280 --> 00:28:48,520 Speaker 1: I'm saying to me, That doesn't add anything to our 572 00:28:48,640 --> 00:28:51,680 Speaker 1: soul ties. That's just you saying, well, I got to 573 00:28:51,720 --> 00:28:53,760 Speaker 1: be a wife to be considered valuable, and I gotta 574 00:28:53,800 --> 00:28:57,000 Speaker 1: stay with Devout, and then the sex reflects that because 575 00:28:57,040 --> 00:28:59,120 Speaker 1: you won't feel that way. I've always wanted you to 576 00:28:59,240 --> 00:29:00,960 Speaker 1: open up and be like, yo, I want to be 577 00:29:01,000 --> 00:29:03,840 Speaker 1: with Devout because I chose to be here. The only 578 00:29:03,880 --> 00:29:05,800 Speaker 1: way we get that from our women is if we 579 00:29:05,840 --> 00:29:08,160 Speaker 1: allow him to do that and let them make the choice. 580 00:29:08,200 --> 00:29:10,000 Speaker 1: And some women just go ahead and do it. Some 581 00:29:10,040 --> 00:29:12,800 Speaker 1: women may hope, some women may hope, but some women 582 00:29:12,840 --> 00:29:15,000 Speaker 1: may just be like, oh, I can't hope. I still 583 00:29:15,040 --> 00:29:17,320 Speaker 1: like him. No, right, you know what I'm saying, And 584 00:29:17,360 --> 00:29:19,080 Speaker 1: that's the point. Like me, I feel like if I 585 00:29:19,080 --> 00:29:21,280 Speaker 1: did have the opportunity back in the day, I feel 586 00:29:21,280 --> 00:29:24,360 Speaker 1: like I would have been the serial monogamous anyway. That 587 00:29:24,480 --> 00:29:27,160 Speaker 1: just kind of always wanted to be with one person 588 00:29:27,280 --> 00:29:28,800 Speaker 1: or just kind of get because I feel like there's 589 00:29:28,800 --> 00:29:31,760 Speaker 1: also a point to where women want to have that 590 00:29:31,800 --> 00:29:34,040 Speaker 1: whole phase, but we usually are the ones that tend 591 00:29:34,080 --> 00:29:36,720 Speaker 1: to fall emotionally faster. So you may go into a 592 00:29:36,760 --> 00:29:39,440 Speaker 1: relationship or you may meet somebody with this mindset thinking, 593 00:29:39,440 --> 00:29:41,640 Speaker 1: you know what, we're just gonna have fun. You know, 594 00:29:42,160 --> 00:29:43,840 Speaker 1: regardless of where you are in your life, you could 595 00:29:43,840 --> 00:29:45,880 Speaker 1: just be a young woman just out there, you know, 596 00:29:45,960 --> 00:29:47,440 Speaker 1: having a good time. You could be a woman who 597 00:29:47,520 --> 00:29:49,760 Speaker 1: was newly separated or divorced. You could be any of 598 00:29:49,760 --> 00:29:51,720 Speaker 1: those things and just kind of feel like, you know what, 599 00:29:52,200 --> 00:29:54,320 Speaker 1: I'm not going to get my feelings involved. I'm just 600 00:29:54,320 --> 00:29:55,760 Speaker 1: gonna go out there. I want to have fun, I'm 601 00:29:55,760 --> 00:29:58,400 Speaker 1: gonna date. I may or may not have sex with somebody, 602 00:29:58,440 --> 00:30:01,520 Speaker 1: but then the feelings tends to get involved at that 603 00:30:01,560 --> 00:30:04,080 Speaker 1: point and then it may escalate into something more. So 604 00:30:04,120 --> 00:30:06,080 Speaker 1: I think sometimes women too have to be careful of 605 00:30:06,280 --> 00:30:08,960 Speaker 1: that because I know that probably would have been me. 606 00:30:09,000 --> 00:30:10,720 Speaker 1: I would have been like, no, I'm gonna just have fun, 607 00:30:10,760 --> 00:30:11,960 Speaker 1: and the next you know, it's just like, oh, I 608 00:30:12,000 --> 00:30:14,160 Speaker 1: love you, and then what happens, you know what I mean, 609 00:30:14,200 --> 00:30:15,920 Speaker 1: and it depends on the agreement that you're coming into 610 00:30:15,920 --> 00:30:18,720 Speaker 1: these relationships with two. You can be coming to into 611 00:30:18,720 --> 00:30:21,720 Speaker 1: a relationship or you can be meeting somebody saying putting 612 00:30:21,760 --> 00:30:23,720 Speaker 1: it on the table, I'm just here to have a 613 00:30:23,760 --> 00:30:27,280 Speaker 1: good time. Whatever that means. However it goes, We're gonna 614 00:30:27,280 --> 00:30:29,480 Speaker 1: go with the flow. We're not gonna put any boundaries, 615 00:30:29,520 --> 00:30:31,360 Speaker 1: We're not gonna put any expectations on it, because I 616 00:30:31,400 --> 00:30:35,200 Speaker 1: think with boundaries and expectations, in addition to the societal pressures, 617 00:30:35,600 --> 00:30:39,440 Speaker 1: comes all of these restraints. So instead of doing that, 618 00:30:39,920 --> 00:30:41,760 Speaker 1: I kind of feel like, you know, there's there's levels 619 00:30:41,800 --> 00:30:43,400 Speaker 1: to it. You could be that person that wants to 620 00:30:43,480 --> 00:30:45,680 Speaker 1: just have a good time and then no strings attached 621 00:30:45,680 --> 00:30:48,280 Speaker 1: and then you move on, or you're the person that 622 00:30:48,360 --> 00:30:51,040 Speaker 1: decides like, oh my goodness, this may not be for me, 623 00:30:51,440 --> 00:30:54,080 Speaker 1: you know, but like you said, having the the the 624 00:30:54,480 --> 00:30:58,560 Speaker 1: ability to be able to decide that is what we're 625 00:30:58,840 --> 00:31:02,160 Speaker 1: and it is as a man, when you have sex 626 00:31:02,280 --> 00:31:06,200 Speaker 1: with your wife on the days where she wants to 627 00:31:06,240 --> 00:31:10,240 Speaker 1: have sex, the sex is a hundred times better. When 628 00:31:10,280 --> 00:31:12,200 Speaker 1: you have sex with your wife on the days where 629 00:31:12,200 --> 00:31:18,080 Speaker 1: she feels like this is the obligation. Trash is trash, 630 00:31:18,440 --> 00:31:20,680 Speaker 1: you know what I'm saying. It's a trash smash. That's 631 00:31:20,680 --> 00:31:27,320 Speaker 1: what I'm a laboring trash trash. And for me, I 632 00:31:27,360 --> 00:31:31,560 Speaker 1: feel like we can eliminate the amount of trash smashes 633 00:31:32,280 --> 00:31:35,400 Speaker 1: if we allow women, not even allow, because even the 634 00:31:35,440 --> 00:31:39,640 Speaker 1: word allow. If we empower women, if because we spoke 635 00:31:39,680 --> 00:31:43,200 Speaker 1: about allowed last season with the Girls, if anybody allow, 636 00:31:43,320 --> 00:31:46,680 Speaker 1: nobody do nothing. If we empower women to, at some 637 00:31:46,720 --> 00:31:50,600 Speaker 1: point in their life be open to make enough choice 638 00:31:50,720 --> 00:31:53,160 Speaker 1: of whether they want to be somebody's women or not. 639 00:31:54,160 --> 00:32:02,200 Speaker 1: And and imagine how many better wives there would be, 640 00:32:02,760 --> 00:32:07,640 Speaker 1: right if the wives who are wives became wives because 641 00:32:07,720 --> 00:32:11,280 Speaker 1: they chose that wifehood is what they wanted, as opposed 642 00:32:11,320 --> 00:32:13,680 Speaker 1: to being obligated to be a wife because they feel 643 00:32:13,720 --> 00:32:17,000 Speaker 1: like their standard of womanhood was risen because they became 644 00:32:17,040 --> 00:32:22,200 Speaker 1: a wife. Think about it, how many better wives. So now, 645 00:32:22,320 --> 00:32:25,560 Speaker 1: when you when you dating someone purposefully as a man, 646 00:32:25,960 --> 00:32:28,880 Speaker 1: and this woman is saying to you, um, yeah, I'm 647 00:32:28,920 --> 00:32:31,680 Speaker 1: looking to be a wife. You know she's not saying 648 00:32:31,720 --> 00:32:33,680 Speaker 1: that because she knows she has to say it, because 649 00:32:33,680 --> 00:32:35,680 Speaker 1: society tells her she has to say it. No, this 650 00:32:35,720 --> 00:32:37,320 Speaker 1: woman is saying she's looking to be a wife because 651 00:32:37,320 --> 00:32:39,680 Speaker 1: she wants to be a wife, which means everything that 652 00:32:39,720 --> 00:32:42,360 Speaker 1: comes with being a wife. She's ready to take on 653 00:32:42,520 --> 00:32:46,240 Speaker 1: because she made the choice to not because society pressured 654 00:32:46,280 --> 00:32:48,000 Speaker 1: her to feel So, how are we gonna be out 655 00:32:48,000 --> 00:32:50,800 Speaker 1: here making better husbands? Better husbands are going to be 656 00:32:50,800 --> 00:32:52,600 Speaker 1: men who feel like, Okay, well my wife has been 657 00:32:52,640 --> 00:32:56,600 Speaker 1: traveled so or not. No better husbands would be like 658 00:32:56,640 --> 00:33:00,680 Speaker 1: this if I'm empowered as a man too, sold my 659 00:33:00,720 --> 00:33:02,720 Speaker 1: wild oads and live my life the way I want 660 00:33:02,720 --> 00:33:05,840 Speaker 1: to live my life, not being monogamous. There's women out 661 00:33:05,880 --> 00:33:08,520 Speaker 1: there who want to do that. Those women aren't being 662 00:33:08,600 --> 00:33:11,040 Speaker 1: judged me as a man, or I'm not being judged. 663 00:33:11,560 --> 00:33:13,680 Speaker 1: But what if you live that life where there's women 664 00:33:13,720 --> 00:33:16,600 Speaker 1: who you know don't want to be monogamous, and y'all 665 00:33:16,640 --> 00:33:20,200 Speaker 1: at having fun, but it's empty. And and a man says, 666 00:33:20,240 --> 00:33:25,440 Speaker 1: you know what, I want a wife because now I'm 667 00:33:25,480 --> 00:33:27,840 Speaker 1: looking for that. I want a wife. I've tried this 668 00:33:28,000 --> 00:33:30,959 Speaker 1: lifestyle where I have multiple women and I can go 669 00:33:31,000 --> 00:33:32,840 Speaker 1: in and out of relationships, and it was empty. I 670 00:33:32,880 --> 00:33:35,880 Speaker 1: want to try something more permanent. Now he's making the 671 00:33:35,960 --> 00:33:39,560 Speaker 1: choice to be permanent, and he finds a woman who's 672 00:33:39,640 --> 00:33:42,880 Speaker 1: making a choice to be permanent. Those people are deliberately 673 00:33:42,960 --> 00:33:46,080 Speaker 1: making a choice to be with each other without any 674 00:33:46,120 --> 00:33:52,960 Speaker 1: societal obligations or without any patriarchal restraints or Yeah, I 675 00:33:53,000 --> 00:33:56,880 Speaker 1: think it's safe to say that there are lanes now 676 00:33:57,000 --> 00:33:59,240 Speaker 1: in this space and time that we're in, there are 677 00:33:59,320 --> 00:34:02,480 Speaker 1: lanes for that. I think what's missing though, is just 678 00:34:02,560 --> 00:34:07,360 Speaker 1: transparency for sure. You know what I mean. The facades 679 00:34:07,480 --> 00:34:10,240 Speaker 1: because of the fear of judgment, the fear of judgment. 680 00:34:10,320 --> 00:34:11,840 Speaker 1: So it's like a vicious cycle here. You see what 681 00:34:11,880 --> 00:34:14,000 Speaker 1: we're going with. This is a vicious because there are 682 00:34:14,080 --> 00:34:16,040 Speaker 1: lanes for people. There are there are men and women 683 00:34:16,080 --> 00:34:18,319 Speaker 1: that just say, you know what, I don't ever think 684 00:34:18,400 --> 00:34:20,000 Speaker 1: I want to be married, I don't ever think I 685 00:34:20,000 --> 00:34:22,480 Speaker 1: want to be in a relationship, and those groups that 686 00:34:22,560 --> 00:34:25,520 Speaker 1: pool of people should get together and have a good 687 00:34:25,560 --> 00:34:28,480 Speaker 1: time exactly. Then you may change your mind years down 688 00:34:28,520 --> 00:34:30,640 Speaker 1: the line and say, you know what, there is something 689 00:34:30,680 --> 00:34:32,239 Speaker 1: that I'm searching for that I feel like I could 690 00:34:32,239 --> 00:34:34,400 Speaker 1: find value in marriage and I'm willing to be the 691 00:34:34,440 --> 00:34:36,799 Speaker 1: person to give and to serve and I'm missing that. 692 00:34:37,520 --> 00:34:40,160 Speaker 1: Then you get with that group of people, so everybody 693 00:34:40,160 --> 00:34:42,080 Speaker 1: pick you out pool were all at, where are you 694 00:34:42,120 --> 00:34:45,320 Speaker 1: gonna be? What is your lane? And and be transparent 695 00:34:45,320 --> 00:34:47,120 Speaker 1: about what you're looking for. I think that should be 696 00:34:47,120 --> 00:34:49,480 Speaker 1: one of the first things up front when you're dating 697 00:34:49,480 --> 00:34:52,719 Speaker 1: somebody or you're looking to just even have conversation. I 698 00:34:52,760 --> 00:34:55,799 Speaker 1: don't think there's anything wrong with saying upfront, why am 699 00:34:55,800 --> 00:34:58,960 Speaker 1: I here? What am I looking for? And it's also 700 00:34:59,000 --> 00:35:01,920 Speaker 1: safer like, it's safer like whatever you're doing, please do 701 00:35:01,920 --> 00:35:05,280 Speaker 1: it like I think about it. If if we empower 702 00:35:05,360 --> 00:35:07,840 Speaker 1: a quote unquote whole phase, and I'm going to continue 703 00:35:07,840 --> 00:35:09,640 Speaker 1: to say that because that's how people relate to it. 704 00:35:10,400 --> 00:35:13,319 Speaker 1: If we empower a whole phase, right, and there's a 705 00:35:13,320 --> 00:35:15,400 Speaker 1: pool of women who don't want to be monogamous and 706 00:35:15,400 --> 00:35:17,239 Speaker 1: they want to have fun. There's a pool of men 707 00:35:17,280 --> 00:35:19,239 Speaker 1: who don't want to be monogamous, don't want to have fun, 708 00:35:19,480 --> 00:35:22,920 Speaker 1: and they're being safe collectively and having fun collectively, and 709 00:35:22,960 --> 00:35:26,640 Speaker 1: they're being transparent. No feelings get hurt, you know I'm saying, people, 710 00:35:26,680 --> 00:35:28,360 Speaker 1: and I mean this is a utopia. Of course, feelings 711 00:35:28,400 --> 00:35:30,400 Speaker 1: always get hurt because someone may not want someone to 712 00:35:30,440 --> 00:35:32,319 Speaker 1: be with someone. But you know what I'm saying. But 713 00:35:32,440 --> 00:35:34,839 Speaker 1: if you have then the pool of people who had 714 00:35:34,880 --> 00:35:37,799 Speaker 1: the choice to be there and not be judged, but 715 00:35:37,960 --> 00:35:41,799 Speaker 1: chose to be in a marriage and not have to 716 00:35:41,800 --> 00:35:43,840 Speaker 1: feel like I have to live a secret life because 717 00:35:44,200 --> 00:35:48,680 Speaker 1: I gotta be elimination. If we were living in this utopia, 718 00:35:48,920 --> 00:35:51,760 Speaker 1: the elimination of the side chick and the side dude, 719 00:35:52,080 --> 00:35:54,759 Speaker 1: I honestly feel like it would be eliminated because you 720 00:35:54,760 --> 00:35:57,160 Speaker 1: wouldn't need us if you don't want to get married, right, 721 00:35:57,239 --> 00:35:59,120 Speaker 1: and you won't get judged for not getting married, whether 722 00:35:59,160 --> 00:36:00,920 Speaker 1: you're a woman or a man, and you can live 723 00:36:00,960 --> 00:36:04,600 Speaker 1: your life in a polyamorous or a polygamist uh situation. 724 00:36:05,040 --> 00:36:06,799 Speaker 1: There's no need to lie and have a side check 725 00:36:06,920 --> 00:36:08,839 Speaker 1: or aside do I can live there and not be 726 00:36:08,920 --> 00:36:11,160 Speaker 1: judged if there is. If there's a woman, for example, 727 00:36:11,239 --> 00:36:13,399 Speaker 1: can I'm gonna use women as an example, a lot 728 00:36:13,440 --> 00:36:15,600 Speaker 1: of women. There are some women who have higher sex 729 00:36:15,760 --> 00:36:20,720 Speaker 1: drives than men, right, but because of the patriarchy, those 730 00:36:20,800 --> 00:36:23,920 Speaker 1: women are considered sexual deviance, and you know they are. 731 00:36:23,960 --> 00:36:26,040 Speaker 1: They hold they have a high sex drive, something's wrong 732 00:36:26,080 --> 00:36:29,080 Speaker 1: with them. Those women feel shamed because no one man 733 00:36:29,239 --> 00:36:31,880 Speaker 1: can please them sexually, right, So they feel shamed. So 734 00:36:31,920 --> 00:36:33,960 Speaker 1: you know what happens, They get with a guy. They 735 00:36:33,960 --> 00:36:35,400 Speaker 1: try to find a guy that can please them, and 736 00:36:35,400 --> 00:36:38,360 Speaker 1: when that guy can't reach that level, then they feel like, 737 00:36:38,400 --> 00:36:40,759 Speaker 1: then I gotta go find something else, because once again 738 00:36:40,800 --> 00:36:43,319 Speaker 1: you're trying to protect is he his ego? You don't 739 00:36:43,320 --> 00:36:45,719 Speaker 1: want to tell him that he's not pleasing you in 740 00:36:45,760 --> 00:36:48,040 Speaker 1: every way possible, so you're like, I'm gonna protect his ego, 741 00:36:48,440 --> 00:36:50,120 Speaker 1: but I'm still gonna go get what I want out 742 00:36:50,120 --> 00:36:52,480 Speaker 1: of my life. And then she cheats, and she's a 743 00:36:52,560 --> 00:36:55,400 Speaker 1: cheater because she she does not have the agency to 744 00:36:55,440 --> 00:36:58,720 Speaker 1: feel comfortable saying I want to be with multiple guys 745 00:36:58,800 --> 00:37:00,800 Speaker 1: or I don't want to be in him an argumist relationship, 746 00:37:00,840 --> 00:37:03,160 Speaker 1: because the minute a woman says that she's labeled a 747 00:37:03,200 --> 00:37:06,440 Speaker 1: whole and her value has decreased, you know what I'm saying, 748 00:37:06,480 --> 00:37:08,960 Speaker 1: And I think that it's unfair and it's it's it's 749 00:37:09,000 --> 00:37:12,919 Speaker 1: showing the flaws in humanity by saying that everyone has 750 00:37:12,960 --> 00:37:16,279 Speaker 1: to live under this type of lifestyle in order to 751 00:37:16,360 --> 00:37:19,520 Speaker 1: be considered okay or successful. And I think that it's 752 00:37:19,600 --> 00:37:23,879 Speaker 1: it's failed us because the divorce rate is I don't 753 00:37:23,880 --> 00:37:27,640 Speaker 1: think anything pursuing, nothing really super positive has come from 754 00:37:27,640 --> 00:37:31,440 Speaker 1: this patriarchal way of existing. No, the same way. Nothing, 755 00:37:31,520 --> 00:37:34,840 Speaker 1: nothing positive has come out of racism, you know. But 756 00:37:34,840 --> 00:37:37,400 Speaker 1: but just like anything else, it's been in play for 757 00:37:37,680 --> 00:37:42,000 Speaker 1: thousands of years. So we're trying to untangle ourselves from 758 00:37:42,040 --> 00:37:45,239 Speaker 1: something that's embedded in our way of thinking, in our 759 00:37:45,280 --> 00:37:47,319 Speaker 1: way of life, and it's going to take some time 760 00:37:47,360 --> 00:37:50,400 Speaker 1: to get out of it. But having conversations. Was just 761 00:37:50,440 --> 00:37:51,759 Speaker 1: about to say, I love that we can even have 762 00:37:51,800 --> 00:37:54,080 Speaker 1: a conversation like this, you know, which is so funny 763 00:37:54,120 --> 00:37:56,239 Speaker 1: because I'm thinking about different clips from this conversation. I'm 764 00:37:56,280 --> 00:37:58,320 Speaker 1: just like, oh lord, if somebody hears this one little clip, 765 00:37:58,960 --> 00:38:01,920 Speaker 1: let's hope that people live the type of people that 766 00:38:02,040 --> 00:38:06,040 Speaker 1: I don't even care. Here's like, listen to the whole episode. 767 00:38:06,040 --> 00:38:09,080 Speaker 1: That'll get the contact. People ask all the time, how 768 00:38:09,080 --> 00:38:13,279 Speaker 1: do y'all make it? We've been having these conversations were 769 00:38:14,120 --> 00:38:16,760 Speaker 1: years old, since we've been taking rides in my raft 770 00:38:16,800 --> 00:38:20,560 Speaker 1: for do you know from half Strits and Virginia Beach on, 771 00:38:21,239 --> 00:38:24,719 Speaker 1: you know, because we were vacations and whatnot, but were thing. 772 00:38:24,760 --> 00:38:26,759 Speaker 1: But yeah, we were talking about a lot of having 773 00:38:26,800 --> 00:38:30,520 Speaker 1: the same conversation about you. I wanted you to I 774 00:38:30,520 --> 00:38:32,319 Speaker 1: was like, go out and exploring, you said no, and 775 00:38:32,880 --> 00:38:35,120 Speaker 1: I was learning about you, then you were learning about me. 776 00:38:35,440 --> 00:38:37,960 Speaker 1: But we've been having these conversations for a long time, 777 00:38:38,200 --> 00:38:39,920 Speaker 1: and I think that's part of the reason why we've 778 00:38:39,960 --> 00:38:43,960 Speaker 1: had longevity is because I'm constantly trying to understand not 779 00:38:44,120 --> 00:38:47,400 Speaker 1: only your mindset, but how you got to this point. 780 00:38:47,800 --> 00:38:50,080 Speaker 1: You know, it's not for me. It's not only important 781 00:38:50,120 --> 00:38:53,680 Speaker 1: to understand you know what you're thinking. I gotta understand 782 00:38:53,800 --> 00:38:56,040 Speaker 1: why you're thinking that as my wife. Why does my 783 00:38:56,080 --> 00:38:59,000 Speaker 1: wife think? Like why did my wife think at that 784 00:38:59,080 --> 00:39:02,040 Speaker 1: point that it is okay to tell me to go 785 00:39:02,120 --> 00:39:04,360 Speaker 1: out and date other people? But she didn't want to 786 00:39:04,400 --> 00:39:07,480 Speaker 1: say she wanted to date other people? And then when 787 00:39:07,480 --> 00:39:10,080 Speaker 1: you hear that, it's like, oh wow, she didn't think 788 00:39:10,120 --> 00:39:13,240 Speaker 1: that I would accept her if she dated other people, 789 00:39:13,400 --> 00:39:15,880 Speaker 1: but she was willing to let me date other people. 790 00:39:16,320 --> 00:39:20,120 Speaker 1: Shows how constraining and stifling that can be for a woman. 791 00:39:21,080 --> 00:39:24,120 Speaker 1: And why And it makes me understand, now, why is 792 00:39:24,200 --> 00:39:27,880 Speaker 1: my wife When we have conversations and I say, and 793 00:39:27,920 --> 00:39:30,719 Speaker 1: you tell to me like I forbid you from doing this, 794 00:39:31,320 --> 00:39:33,480 Speaker 1: And I'd be like, how are you gonna forbid me? 795 00:39:33,520 --> 00:39:34,799 Speaker 1: And you look me in my eye and be like 796 00:39:35,160 --> 00:39:37,319 Speaker 1: you're not doing that, And I'm like, how does she 797 00:39:37,640 --> 00:39:40,759 Speaker 1: feel that she can do that? But I'm realizing you've 798 00:39:40,800 --> 00:39:46,840 Speaker 1: lived that way women being told you cannot or should 799 00:39:46,840 --> 00:39:52,960 Speaker 1: not do that. I get it. You don't like, seriously, 800 00:39:53,000 --> 00:39:54,799 Speaker 1: don't do that no more. And I think that's what 801 00:39:54,920 --> 00:39:58,879 Speaker 1: makes makes us lasting work. Like I honestly feel like 802 00:39:59,680 --> 00:40:02,040 Speaker 1: you are here because you want to be here. You 803 00:40:02,080 --> 00:40:04,319 Speaker 1: know that I'm here because I'm gonna be here, And 804 00:40:04,360 --> 00:40:06,480 Speaker 1: that's that's what makes it great. That's why I wake 805 00:40:06,560 --> 00:40:08,319 Speaker 1: up every morning. I can smile, I can rub on 806 00:40:08,360 --> 00:40:10,440 Speaker 1: your but I can kiss you, I can do and 807 00:40:10,520 --> 00:40:12,480 Speaker 1: say the things that I feel because you're choosing to 808 00:40:12,520 --> 00:40:14,160 Speaker 1: be here. You know, I don't. I don't walk on 809 00:40:14,200 --> 00:40:17,360 Speaker 1: eggshells thinking at any moment, Cadine's gonna bounce, you know 810 00:40:17,360 --> 00:40:19,880 Speaker 1: what I'm saying. So um to close this out, this 811 00:40:19,920 --> 00:40:22,200 Speaker 1: is one question that I missed. I think it's kind 812 00:40:22,239 --> 00:40:25,920 Speaker 1: of interesting. What is it I'm asking you this because 813 00:40:25,920 --> 00:40:30,160 Speaker 1: you're a man um and what do you think satisfies 814 00:40:30,520 --> 00:40:34,719 Speaker 1: What is it satisfy for men in power to make 815 00:40:34,800 --> 00:40:37,440 Speaker 1: choices about women's body, Like, what what is it about 816 00:40:37,680 --> 00:40:40,359 Speaker 1: men trying to make these decisions? Whether it's you know 817 00:40:40,480 --> 00:40:45,399 Speaker 1: these political leaders saying, you know, abortion is a thing 818 00:40:45,520 --> 00:40:48,279 Speaker 1: or not, Like, what is it? What does it give 819 00:40:48,360 --> 00:40:52,160 Speaker 1: y'all as men? What kind of satisfaction does it give 820 00:40:52,160 --> 00:40:53,960 Speaker 1: you as men to say I have this control over 821 00:40:54,000 --> 00:40:57,560 Speaker 1: a woman or her body. So so I think that's 822 00:40:57,560 --> 00:41:01,399 Speaker 1: a lotted question. Um, I don't think that men get 823 00:41:01,480 --> 00:41:05,080 Speaker 1: satisfaction from just making that decision. What I think happens 824 00:41:05,160 --> 00:41:08,640 Speaker 1: is men are conditioned the same way women are conditioned 825 00:41:08,680 --> 00:41:11,319 Speaker 1: to think, think a certain way, right, And as a 826 00:41:11,400 --> 00:41:14,719 Speaker 1: young man, you're told, you know, be a leader, you 827 00:41:14,760 --> 00:41:16,160 Speaker 1: want to be a leader. You know what I'm saying. 828 00:41:16,239 --> 00:41:19,600 Speaker 1: Women are emotional, They can't think for themselves. You have 829 00:41:19,680 --> 00:41:21,320 Speaker 1: to think for them. You have to make this decision. 830 00:41:21,360 --> 00:41:24,759 Speaker 1: That's your woman. So when you're conditioned to think that 831 00:41:24,800 --> 00:41:28,080 Speaker 1: way as an adult, you feel like that's you. You 832 00:41:28,120 --> 00:41:30,200 Speaker 1: take that as truth, you know what I'm saying. You 833 00:41:30,239 --> 00:41:32,280 Speaker 1: take that as truth, and you're like, you know, I'm 834 00:41:32,360 --> 00:41:35,319 Speaker 1: protecting her from herself, and that's my duty and my 835 00:41:35,400 --> 00:41:37,839 Speaker 1: obligation as a man to protect her. And you don't 836 00:41:37,880 --> 00:41:40,600 Speaker 1: realize until you become more aware and you start to 837 00:41:40,680 --> 00:41:44,200 Speaker 1: speak to women and understand their perspectives, do you realize 838 00:41:44,239 --> 00:41:48,120 Speaker 1: that everything you've been taught about being a man is 839 00:41:48,160 --> 00:41:52,440 Speaker 1: not the truth. Like it's not it's not absolute truth. 840 00:41:52,920 --> 00:41:56,719 Speaker 1: It's like the savior mentality that men have with women historically, 841 00:41:56,760 --> 00:41:59,839 Speaker 1: that it's just like, you know, she can't do for herself. Yeah, 842 00:42:00,080 --> 00:42:02,160 Speaker 1: gonna have to save her from herself and her emotional 843 00:42:02,200 --> 00:42:05,880 Speaker 1: as self. Yeah, it's just like yeah, yeah, it's just 844 00:42:06,120 --> 00:42:09,240 Speaker 1: it's just men and women think differently because we're conditioned differently. 845 00:42:09,760 --> 00:42:14,080 Speaker 1: So the same way women feel like men are stupid, right, Like, 846 00:42:14,120 --> 00:42:17,120 Speaker 1: think about it, we feel like women are emotional and 847 00:42:17,160 --> 00:42:19,200 Speaker 1: we see your emotional creatures and you can't make decisions. 848 00:42:19,560 --> 00:42:23,239 Speaker 1: That's complex. I'm not talking about what you think. If 849 00:42:23,280 --> 00:42:27,399 Speaker 1: you speak to women, women say men are dumb. We're dumb. 850 00:42:27,440 --> 00:42:29,640 Speaker 1: We don't we only think what our little head, not 851 00:42:29,680 --> 00:42:32,080 Speaker 1: our big hand up top. That's all women say all 852 00:42:32,120 --> 00:42:35,280 Speaker 1: the time because they're conditioned to believe that. And even 853 00:42:35,280 --> 00:42:37,960 Speaker 1: in mainstream media, you know, even if you watch shows 854 00:42:37,960 --> 00:42:41,719 Speaker 1: about families, there's always the dumb dad, you know, it's 855 00:42:41,719 --> 00:42:43,920 Speaker 1: always the dumb dad. And the person who saves the 856 00:42:44,000 --> 00:42:47,400 Speaker 1: day typically is the mom. The mom secretly because she 857 00:42:47,440 --> 00:42:49,919 Speaker 1: can't she can't save the day in front of the dad. 858 00:42:49,960 --> 00:42:51,960 Speaker 1: She has to make the dad feel like he's the hero, 859 00:42:52,600 --> 00:42:56,160 Speaker 1: but she's the brains behind the operations. It's constantly perpetuating 860 00:42:56,239 --> 00:42:59,200 Speaker 1: that idea, you know, when when realistically all it is 861 00:42:59,200 --> 00:43:01,840 Speaker 1: is that we think the fly because we've been conditioned differently. 862 00:43:02,280 --> 00:43:05,319 Speaker 1: And if we stop conditionally conditioning our young boys and 863 00:43:05,360 --> 00:43:08,480 Speaker 1: our young girls differently and condition them to the same 864 00:43:08,560 --> 00:43:11,839 Speaker 1: way of life, they'll have similar thoughts and be able 865 00:43:11,880 --> 00:43:14,680 Speaker 1: to decide what they want to do. Reciprocating that level 866 00:43:14,719 --> 00:43:17,840 Speaker 1: of respect in that stance will then made for a 867 00:43:17,920 --> 00:43:21,319 Speaker 1: lot of healthier relationships in the long run. Absolutely, you know, 868 00:43:21,360 --> 00:43:23,400 Speaker 1: because it kind of worked for us. Like I allow, 869 00:43:23,640 --> 00:43:25,480 Speaker 1: I allow you, and I enjoy that you are the 870 00:43:25,560 --> 00:43:27,600 Speaker 1: leader and the husband and you are like the head 871 00:43:27,600 --> 00:43:29,719 Speaker 1: of the household and all that stuff too. But that's 872 00:43:29,719 --> 00:43:33,320 Speaker 1: not to a deficit with me also being a value 873 00:43:33,320 --> 00:43:36,359 Speaker 1: to you and the fast you know. Um, So that's 874 00:43:36,480 --> 00:43:39,719 Speaker 1: that's that's that's interesting all for the whole face. Yeah, 875 00:43:39,800 --> 00:43:44,560 Speaker 1: I really am, like I implore, um, any dude who's 876 00:43:44,600 --> 00:43:47,640 Speaker 1: dating a young lady who she feels like she's unsure, 877 00:43:48,040 --> 00:43:50,480 Speaker 1: empower her to make the choices for herself. And if 878 00:43:50,520 --> 00:43:54,040 Speaker 1: that's the woman you love, depending on where you you know, 879 00:43:54,080 --> 00:43:55,640 Speaker 1: where you are in your life. You're either going to 880 00:43:55,719 --> 00:43:58,000 Speaker 1: have to meet her and what she wants and needs 881 00:43:58,640 --> 00:44:00,800 Speaker 1: or allow her to go find what moment of truth 882 00:44:00,840 --> 00:44:04,800 Speaker 1: before we got to the moment the moment speaking. You know, 883 00:44:04,920 --> 00:44:09,680 Speaker 1: we should totally bring Jasmine Sulevan in to talk about hotels. Jasmine, 884 00:44:09,760 --> 00:44:12,680 Speaker 1: you listen, you have to, you have to. I want 885 00:44:12,680 --> 00:44:15,920 Speaker 1: to hear a woman. She's coming because her latest album Hotels, 886 00:44:15,920 --> 00:44:22,919 Speaker 1: and then of course for karaoke, I horribly sang it's awful. Yeah, 887 00:44:23,080 --> 00:44:25,400 Speaker 1: but I mean it was. It's it's interesting that that 888 00:44:25,719 --> 00:44:31,040 Speaker 1: I think her her music definitely puts out conversation pieces 889 00:44:31,200 --> 00:44:33,799 Speaker 1: that we should be talking about. Um, so somebody hit 890 00:44:33,840 --> 00:44:36,240 Speaker 1: the Jasmine's people, tell her people to call my people. 891 00:44:36,640 --> 00:44:39,160 Speaker 1: We could be people. All right, let's take a quick break, y'all. 892 00:44:39,280 --> 00:44:43,120 Speaker 1: We're gonna get into listener letters. After we get into 893 00:44:43,160 --> 00:45:03,040 Speaker 1: some ass, we're back with listening letters. You want to 894 00:45:03,080 --> 00:45:07,560 Speaker 1: go the first? You want to go first? Okaya? Hi, 895 00:45:07,640 --> 00:45:10,160 Speaker 1: my name is Mar. What's up? Mar? And not from Arkansas? 896 00:45:10,239 --> 00:45:12,360 Speaker 1: You gave us a name and the location. Not everybody 897 00:45:12,400 --> 00:45:15,080 Speaker 1: know who you are. Uh, we have more than grass fields, 898 00:45:15,080 --> 00:45:18,600 Speaker 1: I promise. How guys. I'm currently will be twenty two 899 00:45:18,640 --> 00:45:22,280 Speaker 1: in December. Sagittarius Gang, Gang Gang. I am a senior 900 00:45:22,280 --> 00:45:25,399 Speaker 1: in college and I'm graduating in December with a public 901 00:45:25,440 --> 00:45:29,040 Speaker 1: administration bachelor's degree. I'm twenty one said that twice, and 902 00:45:29,080 --> 00:45:31,399 Speaker 1: I have never been in a relationship, never really came 903 00:45:31,440 --> 00:45:33,600 Speaker 1: close to one, and I'm really confused about why. My 904 00:45:33,680 --> 00:45:36,600 Speaker 1: friends tell me I am extremely mature for my age 905 00:45:36,600 --> 00:45:39,360 Speaker 1: and that's why. And I used to believe that, but 906 00:45:39,480 --> 00:45:41,160 Speaker 1: as I get older, I'm starting to think it's me. 907 00:45:41,560 --> 00:45:44,759 Speaker 1: I'm not pretty enough. Does my personality suck? Do I 908 00:45:44,880 --> 00:45:47,719 Speaker 1: just not have a girlfriend glow about me? I think 909 00:45:47,719 --> 00:45:50,600 Speaker 1: of myself as very smart, caring, and compassionate. I think 910 00:45:50,640 --> 00:45:52,839 Speaker 1: having fun and um, I like having fun, and I'm 911 00:45:52,960 --> 00:45:55,759 Speaker 1: very independent. I don't want a boyfriend or anything but 912 00:45:55,840 --> 00:45:58,359 Speaker 1: a partner in crime and someone to do life with. 913 00:45:59,600 --> 00:46:02,479 Speaker 1: With situation quickly approaching, I'm wondering if there is any 914 00:46:02,480 --> 00:46:05,080 Speaker 1: point in continuing to try and put myself out there, 915 00:46:05,160 --> 00:46:09,239 Speaker 1: because what do you do when you feel unwanted and undesirable? 916 00:46:09,920 --> 00:46:12,320 Speaker 1: Help a girl out? What can I do? I love you, guys, 917 00:46:12,320 --> 00:46:19,880 Speaker 1: content and your beautiful family. Thank you, marm one, just 918 00:46:20,000 --> 00:46:22,319 Speaker 1: the first thing she said, don't get caught up in 919 00:46:23,800 --> 00:46:27,080 Speaker 1: society standards of what beauty is again, because when she 920 00:46:27,080 --> 00:46:31,680 Speaker 1: said not pretty enough because my personality. Yeah, well people 921 00:46:32,080 --> 00:46:36,120 Speaker 1: people find all sorts of other people beautiful and amazing. 922 00:46:36,239 --> 00:46:38,840 Speaker 1: So there is no one standard for beauty that you 923 00:46:38,880 --> 00:46:41,359 Speaker 1: have to fit in order to be desirable by someone else. 924 00:46:41,800 --> 00:46:43,600 Speaker 1: So the first thing I would say is the simple 925 00:46:43,680 --> 00:46:49,000 Speaker 1: fact that you seem unsure about yourself that can be undesirable. 926 00:46:49,560 --> 00:46:52,520 Speaker 1: You know. Confidence is that I think the biggest component 927 00:46:52,600 --> 00:46:56,400 Speaker 1: of beauty in both men and women. Someone walks inconfident, 928 00:46:56,480 --> 00:46:59,080 Speaker 1: then you know, you know, there may be somebody that 929 00:46:59,520 --> 00:47:03,040 Speaker 1: in my and may not be the most attractive, you know, 930 00:47:03,600 --> 00:47:06,000 Speaker 1: for for my style or taste, but might be out 931 00:47:06,000 --> 00:47:07,879 Speaker 1: there with somebody. You know. It's funny. My mom has 932 00:47:07,920 --> 00:47:11,640 Speaker 1: this Jamaicans saying, and it's a thing where how does 933 00:47:11,680 --> 00:47:14,319 Speaker 1: it oh, every whole the whole, It is funny we're 934 00:47:14,320 --> 00:47:16,200 Speaker 1: talking about now, but not the whole as in like 935 00:47:16,239 --> 00:47:19,640 Speaker 1: a whole as in the garden, to every every whole, 936 00:47:19,640 --> 00:47:22,520 Speaker 1: have it have it stick a bush, meaning like there's 937 00:47:22,520 --> 00:47:25,200 Speaker 1: a match for everybody in this world? Pretty much? So yeah, 938 00:47:25,320 --> 00:47:27,680 Speaker 1: I agree in that though, like confident, whatever you're exuding 939 00:47:28,520 --> 00:47:32,360 Speaker 1: um usually sometimes is a bigger indicator than your personality, 940 00:47:32,400 --> 00:47:35,200 Speaker 1: than your looks, than what you do. Then how much 941 00:47:35,200 --> 00:47:38,680 Speaker 1: money you earn that can be a huge deciding factor. 942 00:47:38,680 --> 00:47:41,640 Speaker 1: I have an interesting story to tell one of my boys. 943 00:47:41,640 --> 00:47:42,960 Speaker 1: I'm not going out in me and I'm not going 944 00:47:43,000 --> 00:47:46,680 Speaker 1: out his wife. Because one of my boys from college, right, 945 00:47:47,080 --> 00:47:50,640 Speaker 1: he had a certain thing that that was his thing 946 00:47:50,719 --> 00:47:54,040 Speaker 1: type of woman, right, certain type of look that the 947 00:47:54,280 --> 00:47:58,279 Speaker 1: I'm married this this isn't right, meets this girl right, 948 00:47:58,880 --> 00:48:03,719 Speaker 1: walks in with withridiculous confidence, right, and he's just like, 949 00:48:03,760 --> 00:48:07,120 Speaker 1: bro something about her, And I'm like what he's like, No, Like, 950 00:48:07,239 --> 00:48:09,480 Speaker 1: look at how she walked. And when she talks to me, 951 00:48:09,560 --> 00:48:13,280 Speaker 1: she stares me into my soul. She's like staring into 952 00:48:13,320 --> 00:48:16,560 Speaker 1: my soul. And I'm just like, you know what I'm saying. 953 00:48:16,560 --> 00:48:19,279 Speaker 1: He's just and ain' him getting married, have kids, right, 954 00:48:19,400 --> 00:48:23,560 Speaker 1: and he is infatuated and doesn't fit her, like she 955 00:48:23,600 --> 00:48:26,319 Speaker 1: doesn't fit the mold at all into what he thought 956 00:48:26,400 --> 00:48:30,480 Speaker 1: he wanted in a wife. But it's and it was 957 00:48:30,560 --> 00:48:33,279 Speaker 1: something about it. And when I first saw her, I 958 00:48:33,320 --> 00:48:36,920 Speaker 1: did say to him, I said, she got crazy sex appeal, 959 00:48:37,280 --> 00:48:40,200 Speaker 1: Like you know some women are taught to be small, 960 00:48:40,760 --> 00:48:42,360 Speaker 1: you know some Some women are taught to be small 961 00:48:42,400 --> 00:48:46,279 Speaker 1: to make men feel to make themselves. This woman is 962 00:48:46,320 --> 00:48:49,680 Speaker 1: told she always has her shoulders back, chin up, and 963 00:48:49,719 --> 00:48:52,120 Speaker 1: when she speaks to guys, she's, oh, she's she's I 964 00:48:52,160 --> 00:48:54,880 Speaker 1: think she's five eight, so she's almost eye level with 965 00:48:54,920 --> 00:48:57,400 Speaker 1: most guys. And she does stare into your soul. But 966 00:48:57,440 --> 00:49:01,000 Speaker 1: there is something sexy about it. She does isn't dressed 967 00:49:01,200 --> 00:49:04,880 Speaker 1: scantily clad or wear tight clothes, you know what I'm saying. 968 00:49:05,360 --> 00:49:07,719 Speaker 1: But there's something sexy about her in the way she 969 00:49:07,880 --> 00:49:11,600 Speaker 1: moves that is just like, yo, did she just mad sexy? 970 00:49:11,680 --> 00:49:13,920 Speaker 1: And the reason when what we deduced it to all 971 00:49:13,920 --> 00:49:16,080 Speaker 1: of us in our group chat was like she has 972 00:49:16,120 --> 00:49:20,640 Speaker 1: a confidence that certain certain people know like like they had, 973 00:49:20,719 --> 00:49:22,960 Speaker 1: they know who they are. When you meet a woman 974 00:49:23,000 --> 00:49:25,799 Speaker 1: who knows who she is, it don't matter what she 975 00:49:25,920 --> 00:49:29,399 Speaker 1: looked like, You like, I gotta I gotta have her. 976 00:49:30,239 --> 00:49:32,160 Speaker 1: And I feel like women need to hear that more. 977 00:49:32,800 --> 00:49:34,359 Speaker 1: You know what I'm saying. Yeah, I mean the same 978 00:49:34,400 --> 00:49:36,000 Speaker 1: could be said for men, because there's on the on 979 00:49:36,040 --> 00:49:38,759 Speaker 1: the flip side of that, there's somebody else that we 980 00:49:38,800 --> 00:49:43,960 Speaker 1: know within our circle of people, and Homie be walking 981 00:49:44,000 --> 00:49:49,000 Speaker 1: in here pulling pulling women okay, and I'm like, how 982 00:49:50,440 --> 00:49:53,799 Speaker 1: how is he doing it? And then it almost makes 983 00:49:53,800 --> 00:49:58,560 Speaker 1: you question the women that he's bringing in, like why 984 00:49:59,560 --> 00:50:01,279 Speaker 1: you know what I'm saying. And it may be in 985 00:50:01,360 --> 00:50:03,120 Speaker 1: part because we know a little bit more about him 986 00:50:03,120 --> 00:50:05,319 Speaker 1: in the context of it, but just on on this 987 00:50:05,480 --> 00:50:08,360 Speaker 1: an aesthetic level, it's kind of just like this confidence 988 00:50:09,040 --> 00:50:11,800 Speaker 1: on a thousand, and that's that's what it is a 989 00:50:11,960 --> 00:50:13,840 Speaker 1: thousand because it makes women be like, what is it 990 00:50:13,880 --> 00:50:17,080 Speaker 1: about him that he walks around with that? Right? And 991 00:50:17,080 --> 00:50:19,239 Speaker 1: and it's still that don't take away from me being 992 00:50:19,280 --> 00:50:22,960 Speaker 1: like what I mean, but off the that if you're 993 00:50:22,960 --> 00:50:25,759 Speaker 1: approaching somebody with that level of confidence and you're just like, yo, 994 00:50:26,560 --> 00:50:28,319 Speaker 1: this is what I have to offer. I'm not sure 995 00:50:28,360 --> 00:50:30,920 Speaker 1: what it is yet, but this confidence you're gonna You're 996 00:50:30,920 --> 00:50:33,359 Speaker 1: gonna You're gonna have this confidence. He's gonna get it. 997 00:50:33,440 --> 00:50:37,000 Speaker 1: Here's the advice for Mar because what you just said 998 00:50:37,000 --> 00:50:39,399 Speaker 1: and what I just said, Mar, you need to learn 999 00:50:39,400 --> 00:50:45,000 Speaker 1: who you are, Embrace who you are, be confident about 1000 00:50:45,000 --> 00:50:47,640 Speaker 1: who you are, and when you walk into that room, 1001 00:50:47,880 --> 00:50:50,960 Speaker 1: let everybody know that Mars there. That doesn't mean you're loud. 1002 00:50:51,440 --> 00:50:54,360 Speaker 1: That doesn't mean you have to be boisterous, are arrogant. 1003 00:50:54,640 --> 00:50:57,240 Speaker 1: But when you have that confidence, it's attractive to people. 1004 00:50:57,440 --> 00:50:59,520 Speaker 1: Because one thing, I will say, this unattractive, no matter 1005 00:50:59,800 --> 00:51:04,160 Speaker 1: what the girl looks like, right, slout, shoulders, no eye contact, 1006 00:51:05,000 --> 00:51:07,839 Speaker 1: that is unattractive. You know, it doesn't walk tall like. 1007 00:51:07,880 --> 00:51:12,000 Speaker 1: That's completely awkwardness. That awkward like, you know, and even 1008 00:51:12,000 --> 00:51:14,440 Speaker 1: those people find someone else who's awkward and they can 1009 00:51:14,480 --> 00:51:17,439 Speaker 1: fall in love. But when you have confidence in who 1010 00:51:17,520 --> 00:51:22,359 Speaker 1: you are. When I stepped to the valve, did they 1011 00:51:22,360 --> 00:51:26,560 Speaker 1: ask step to him? Baby boy, couldn't say. No, this 1012 00:51:26,680 --> 00:51:28,759 Speaker 1: wasn't just what it is. It was my confidence. No, 1013 00:51:28,960 --> 00:51:30,880 Speaker 1: you don't think it's my confidence. When I shot my shot, 1014 00:51:31,560 --> 00:51:33,920 Speaker 1: it was your booty, buckets, it was a booty. You 1015 00:51:33,920 --> 00:51:38,879 Speaker 1: should have walked, You should have walked backwards. Granted I 1016 00:51:38,960 --> 00:51:43,239 Speaker 1: was literally like forty pounds lighter than but so if 1017 00:51:43,280 --> 00:51:48,320 Speaker 1: we're gonna be honest, we're gonna bet. When I met Codeine, 1018 00:51:48,840 --> 00:51:51,359 Speaker 1: she didn't have on the scantill clad dress. She had 1019 00:51:51,400 --> 00:51:54,279 Speaker 1: on a pink flow. No, you don't know a paint 1020 00:51:54,640 --> 00:51:56,680 Speaker 1: pink flow we dressed. I can't see her figure at all. 1021 00:51:56,719 --> 00:51:59,480 Speaker 1: I didn't know she was holding that under there. But 1022 00:51:59,640 --> 00:52:02,560 Speaker 1: what it intrigued me was you. You were gorgeous. You 1023 00:52:02,600 --> 00:52:05,200 Speaker 1: had like a beautiful smile, and you came up and 1024 00:52:05,239 --> 00:52:08,160 Speaker 1: you said Brian and devour Ellis. And that confidence to 1025 00:52:08,200 --> 00:52:10,359 Speaker 1: come say my name and come talk to me did 1026 00:52:10,360 --> 00:52:17,520 Speaker 1: intrigue me, like yo was one like she you know, 1027 00:52:17,640 --> 00:52:20,040 Speaker 1: so it really it really wasn't. I was like, man, listen, 1028 00:52:20,080 --> 00:52:21,560 Speaker 1: I'm gonna shoot my shot today. If it's one thing 1029 00:52:21,560 --> 00:52:24,120 Speaker 1: I'm gonna take away from this, Yeah, it wasn't your body, 1030 00:52:24,320 --> 00:52:26,360 Speaker 1: it was. It was it was their confidence and you 1031 00:52:26,360 --> 00:52:28,400 Speaker 1: you looked me in my eye, you smiled and you 1032 00:52:28,440 --> 00:52:32,040 Speaker 1: were It was like mesmerizing because I mean, it does 1033 00:52:32,080 --> 00:52:34,960 Speaker 1: help you. And that's when we knew we hit it off. 1034 00:52:35,000 --> 00:52:36,799 Speaker 1: That was it. That was it. It was a rap. 1035 00:52:36,960 --> 00:52:39,160 Speaker 1: More good luck, baby girl. You're twenty one and you're 1036 00:52:39,160 --> 00:52:41,719 Speaker 1: still growing into yourself too as well. So you and 1037 00:52:42,000 --> 00:52:44,919 Speaker 1: you were sagittarious and that's just what we do, baby girl, 1038 00:52:44,960 --> 00:52:47,640 Speaker 1: get it together. Okay. Once she started clapping, she feels 1039 00:52:47,640 --> 00:52:53,640 Speaker 1: like all of that. All right, Hey guys, so I'm 1040 00:52:53,719 --> 00:52:56,400 Speaker 1: in need of some dead ass advice. By the way, 1041 00:52:56,640 --> 00:52:59,719 Speaker 1: you two are just the cutest and very much admirable 1042 00:53:00,040 --> 00:53:07,279 Speaker 1: exist conein. Please be all up in my business acting 1043 00:53:07,320 --> 00:53:12,320 Speaker 1: like I'm trying to be in business anyway. Um okay, 1044 00:53:12,640 --> 00:53:14,759 Speaker 1: So here's the rundown. I'm a twenty nine year old 1045 00:53:14,760 --> 00:53:20,080 Speaker 1: female cancer cancers. My sister is a cancer emo um. 1046 00:53:20,120 --> 00:53:25,080 Speaker 1: About fifteen years ago, I gave my first love, who's 1047 00:53:25,080 --> 00:53:29,080 Speaker 1: a Sagittarius, my virginity, and we've always stayed in contact, 1048 00:53:29,200 --> 00:53:32,560 Speaker 1: and if we wasn't talking, he was always checking on me. 1049 00:53:32,600 --> 00:53:34,640 Speaker 1: He's a great man and a father to his daughter. 1050 00:53:35,239 --> 00:53:37,640 Speaker 1: I love him, and he has all great qualities for 1051 00:53:37,680 --> 00:53:40,120 Speaker 1: the man I want to settle down with. I'm a 1052 00:53:40,160 --> 00:53:42,600 Speaker 1: single mother and he's always made it clear that he 1053 00:53:42,640 --> 00:53:44,759 Speaker 1: wants to settle down with me and to make me 1054 00:53:44,880 --> 00:53:49,400 Speaker 1: his wife. But the only capital only thing is that 1055 00:53:49,440 --> 00:53:54,440 Speaker 1: he isn't attractive to me physically. He doesn't meet my standards. 1056 00:53:56,200 --> 00:53:59,120 Speaker 1: I very much have a type quote unquote, as my 1057 00:53:59,160 --> 00:54:01,839 Speaker 1: friends would say. I always tell myself that I would 1058 00:54:01,880 --> 00:54:03,920 Speaker 1: marry him only if I don't find anyone by the 1059 00:54:03,920 --> 00:54:08,840 Speaker 1: age of thirty five who meets my standards in that area, 1060 00:54:08,920 --> 00:54:12,040 Speaker 1: plus everything and more of what he offers and brings 1061 00:54:12,040 --> 00:54:16,439 Speaker 1: to the table whoa so basically a plan B, but 1062 00:54:18,000 --> 00:54:20,120 Speaker 1: I will not have children with him, even though we 1063 00:54:20,200 --> 00:54:25,960 Speaker 1: both want more children. Yo, this person yo, Okay, what 1064 00:54:26,080 --> 00:54:28,759 Speaker 1: am I to do? I need help? My friends tell 1065 00:54:28,800 --> 00:54:30,560 Speaker 1: me I'm selfish and I need to let him go. 1066 00:54:31,640 --> 00:54:35,879 Speaker 1: Your friends, yes, what if he's my person and I'm 1067 00:54:35,920 --> 00:54:39,399 Speaker 1: just being shallow? I don't know. Please help me, girl. Well, 1068 00:54:39,400 --> 00:54:42,240 Speaker 1: he goes back to de Vo talking about his friend 1069 00:54:42,800 --> 00:54:51,440 Speaker 1: with confidence. Right, has a friend with confidence? Yes? And 1070 00:54:51,600 --> 00:54:56,440 Speaker 1: having that friend with confidence then ended up Matt online. 1071 00:54:56,480 --> 00:54:59,000 Speaker 1: Not the friend of confidence. You had the friend who 1072 00:54:59,040 --> 00:55:01,759 Speaker 1: had the confidence life, who at the time may not 1073 00:55:01,880 --> 00:55:06,640 Speaker 1: have fit his puzzles description what he typically would look for, 1074 00:55:06,920 --> 00:55:10,120 Speaker 1: but she had all the things right. She had pretty 1075 00:55:10,200 --> 00:55:16,520 Speaker 1: much everything else. Um So, girl, I think you're being selfish. 1076 00:55:16,680 --> 00:55:19,360 Speaker 1: I agree with your friends because you're kind of leading 1077 00:55:19,400 --> 00:55:24,800 Speaker 1: this guy on not knowing or knowing that you honestly 1078 00:55:24,840 --> 00:55:27,080 Speaker 1: don't you're not attracted to him, which is funny because 1079 00:55:27,120 --> 00:55:29,080 Speaker 1: I do have somebody that I know that has said 1080 00:55:29,120 --> 00:55:32,000 Speaker 1: that she wants like an ugly person because she feels 1081 00:55:32,000 --> 00:55:34,200 Speaker 1: like if she has an ugly person that treats her right, 1082 00:55:34,520 --> 00:55:37,120 Speaker 1: don't worry about anybody else wanted him, because that's not 1083 00:55:37,320 --> 00:55:39,160 Speaker 1: But that's not true. He may be, he may be 1084 00:55:39,360 --> 00:55:42,160 Speaker 1: ugly to her. Somebody else gonna find that man attractively. 1085 00:55:42,800 --> 00:55:45,360 Speaker 1: Stick up, this is my thing, right, she's being selfish 1086 00:55:46,120 --> 00:55:48,319 Speaker 1: holding on his shringing this man alone, But she's not 1087 00:55:48,400 --> 00:55:50,879 Speaker 1: being selfish by saying what she wants. I mean, that's 1088 00:55:50,880 --> 00:55:54,880 Speaker 1: the agree. So ultimately, ultimately she has to ship. I'll 1089 00:55:54,880 --> 00:55:57,960 Speaker 1: get off the pot. Either you're gonna say to this man, 1090 00:55:58,080 --> 00:56:00,239 Speaker 1: you know what, let's you know, let's do this together. 1091 00:56:00,320 --> 00:56:03,840 Speaker 1: Has work this out, or I'm trying to be nice. Yo. 1092 00:56:04,640 --> 00:56:07,040 Speaker 1: She not attracted to him, bro, that's gonna be an 1093 00:56:07,080 --> 00:56:10,359 Speaker 1: issue for them, a major issue. You're not attracted to him, bro, 1094 00:56:10,560 --> 00:56:13,240 Speaker 1: that's not shallow. Everyone wants to be attracted to somebody 1095 00:56:13,520 --> 00:56:16,080 Speaker 1: right now. Meeting someone who you didn't think you would 1096 00:56:16,120 --> 00:56:18,720 Speaker 1: be attracted to and becoming attracted to them is different 1097 00:56:18,719 --> 00:56:21,359 Speaker 1: than know whing you're not attracted to someone and then 1098 00:56:21,400 --> 00:56:24,480 Speaker 1: marrying them because they have all the other qualities, Because 1099 00:56:24,480 --> 00:56:26,360 Speaker 1: then that's going to be issues, especially in the bedroom, 1100 00:56:26,400 --> 00:56:28,719 Speaker 1: because then she's gonna be like and then she says, 1101 00:56:28,880 --> 00:56:30,279 Speaker 1: we're not gonna have no more kids. I don't think 1102 00:56:30,280 --> 00:56:31,840 Speaker 1: he's attractive because she don't want to have kids, that 1103 00:56:31,840 --> 00:56:36,600 Speaker 1: look like him. Move on, Move on, sis, sis, move on, 1104 00:56:37,120 --> 00:56:41,719 Speaker 1: move on, move on, move on. She's having no kids 1105 00:56:41,719 --> 00:56:44,160 Speaker 1: with him because of how he looks. She's worried about 1106 00:56:44,200 --> 00:56:48,600 Speaker 1: his features and children. Move on, and I'm sorry girl, 1107 00:56:50,320 --> 00:56:54,680 Speaker 1: move on. Period. That was easy. So if you like 1108 00:56:54,719 --> 00:56:56,400 Speaker 1: to be featured as one of our listening to letters, 1109 00:56:56,520 --> 00:56:59,160 Speaker 1: email us at dead ass Advice at gmail dot com. 1110 00:56:59,520 --> 00:57:02,239 Speaker 1: That's d A D A S S A d V 1111 00:57:02,440 --> 00:57:06,719 Speaker 1: I C at Gmail. That girl wanted me on her 1112 00:57:06,760 --> 00:57:11,240 Speaker 1: business and she gave me all the tea. I'm still 1113 00:57:11,400 --> 00:57:15,760 Speaker 1: this is interesting, all right? Well, moment of truth time, 1114 00:57:16,400 --> 00:57:18,560 Speaker 1: moment of truth. I forgot what we were talking about. 1115 00:57:18,560 --> 00:57:26,880 Speaker 1: What we're talking about, whole face. This is my moment 1116 00:57:26,880 --> 00:57:29,400 Speaker 1: of truth about whole phase. The first moment of truth is, 1117 00:57:29,480 --> 00:57:31,400 Speaker 1: let's stop calling it the whole face, all right? A 1118 00:57:31,440 --> 00:57:35,479 Speaker 1: woman having a woman having an agency and autonomy over 1119 00:57:35,560 --> 00:57:40,280 Speaker 1: her life in any aspect should not have a negative connotation, period. 1120 00:57:41,000 --> 00:57:43,440 Speaker 1: That is it. And the second aspect to my moment 1121 00:57:43,440 --> 00:57:46,960 Speaker 1: of truth is this, we would all exist in better 1122 00:57:47,000 --> 00:57:50,680 Speaker 1: relationships if we allowed people to have agency over their 1123 00:57:50,680 --> 00:57:54,120 Speaker 1: lives without judgment, because once that person makes a choice 1124 00:57:54,160 --> 00:57:57,080 Speaker 1: to be with someone else, simply because they want to, 1125 00:57:57,520 --> 00:58:01,160 Speaker 1: not because they're obligated by society or the other person. 1126 00:58:01,720 --> 00:58:04,080 Speaker 1: The love and that relationship will be a lot greater, 1127 00:58:04,520 --> 00:58:06,920 Speaker 1: the intimacy in that relationship will be a lot greater. 1128 00:58:06,960 --> 00:58:08,920 Speaker 1: The chemistry wi a lot of be a lot greater 1129 00:58:09,160 --> 00:58:11,919 Speaker 1: than the longevity and the respect will last. And that's 1130 00:58:11,920 --> 00:58:15,360 Speaker 1: how you get happy relationships. So that's my moment of good. Well, 1131 00:58:15,360 --> 00:58:17,040 Speaker 1: you kind of stole a little bit of mine, which 1132 00:58:17,080 --> 00:58:19,000 Speaker 1: I'm meant to say, let's stop holding it the whole 1133 00:58:19,000 --> 00:58:24,120 Speaker 1: phase because of the negative connotation. But if you must 1134 00:58:24,120 --> 00:58:30,520 Speaker 1: hope whole silently, there is no reason that you have 1135 00:58:30,600 --> 00:58:34,560 Speaker 1: to hold and let everybody know you see barsya already 1136 00:58:34,600 --> 00:58:36,600 Speaker 1: know how to stay with my bars. You don't got 1137 00:58:36,640 --> 00:58:42,960 Speaker 1: a hole And anybody know I like dead Ass, so 1138 00:58:43,240 --> 00:58:45,840 Speaker 1: be sure to find us on social media. Dead asked 1139 00:58:45,840 --> 00:58:48,680 Speaker 1: the podcast. You can find me at cadeine I am 1140 00:58:48,880 --> 00:58:54,720 Speaker 1: the Poet, and and that's at I Am Devout. And 1141 00:58:54,720 --> 00:58:57,520 Speaker 1: if you're listening on Apple podcasts, be sure to rate, 1142 00:58:58,000 --> 00:59:03,640 Speaker 1: review and subscribe. When I starts the clapping, make sure 1143 00:59:03,640 --> 00:59:07,880 Speaker 1: you do that. I love when you make a clap. 1144 00:59:07,920 --> 00:59:10,280 Speaker 1: Dead Ass about to go into another whole phase because 1145 00:59:10,320 --> 00:59:15,640 Speaker 1: your wife whole phase. Dead Ass is a production of 1146 00:59:15,680 --> 00:59:18,240 Speaker 1: I Heart Media podcast network and is produced by the 1147 00:59:18,320 --> 00:59:22,160 Speaker 1: Noorapinia and Triple. Follow the podcast on social media at 1148 00:59:22,200 --> 00:59:24,320 Speaker 1: dead as to podcasts and Never miss a Thing.