WEBVTT - #44 Leading On and Breaking Up with Taylor Nolan 0:00:01.600 --> 0:00:05.880 And oh my god, let's do this. Hell I Suck 0:00:05.960 --> 0:00:09.200 At Dating with Dean, Vanessa and Jared and I Heart 0:00:09.280 --> 0:00:15.560 Radio podcast. Hello, Hello everyone, Thank you so much for 0:00:15.640 --> 0:00:17.920 joining us for another episode of Help I Suck At Dating. 0:00:18.040 --> 0:00:21.160 That's Vanessa beatboxing in the background, joined in studio by 0:00:21.239 --> 0:00:25.200 Jared Easton and Erica the usual suspect. Today, UM, very 0:00:25.200 --> 0:00:27.560 special episode for you. We're gonna talk a little bit 0:00:27.600 --> 0:00:29.760 about what Jared and Ashley were arguing about all last 0:00:29.840 --> 0:00:33.240 night for a few hours, arguing having an adult conversation about. 0:00:33.320 --> 0:00:35.559 We also have a very special guest joining us by 0:00:35.600 --> 0:00:37.599 the name of Taylor Nolan. You know her from Bachelor 0:00:37.720 --> 0:00:42.479 in Paradise, Vanessa's bestie from her season. Um, and we're 0:00:42.479 --> 0:00:44.640 gonna take some emails later on as well. Yeah, absolutely 0:00:44.680 --> 0:00:46.440 should be pretty Goodhow but we freaking we jump right 0:00:46.440 --> 0:00:48.839 into a discussion that I actually posted on the Help 0:00:48.880 --> 0:00:50.880 I Suck at Dating Facebook group, which a lot of 0:00:50.880 --> 0:00:53.279 people voted on. Thank you for doing that. Uh So 0:00:53.440 --> 0:00:57.040 I asked the question, guys, is leading on leading someone 0:00:57.080 --> 0:00:59.600 on the same as giving someone mixed signals? And the 0:00:59.600 --> 0:01:01.440 reason I thought about this because I was watching Colton 0:01:01.520 --> 0:01:04.040 and Tia and their saga that continues to go on 0:01:04.080 --> 0:01:06.360 Bachelor Paradise and a a lot of people are accusing Colton 0:01:06.720 --> 0:01:10.680 of leading Tia on and I couldn't disagree more. Vanessa, 0:01:10.720 --> 0:01:13.399 what are your thoughts? Are leading someone on the same 0:01:13.440 --> 0:01:16.600 as giving them mixed signals? Are they two different things? Okay, 0:01:17.240 --> 0:01:20.040 if we're basing this off of Bathroom Paradise, um, I'm 0:01:20.040 --> 0:01:22.360 probably gonna made fun of Remember when we roasting me 0:01:22.440 --> 0:01:25.319 last time. So like Vanessa never watches anything faster related, Well, 0:01:25.360 --> 0:01:37.800 I thought up to date with Bathroom Paradise, Vanessa up. 0:01:39.520 --> 0:01:44.479 Oh no, we were saying that that round of a plus. Listen, 0:01:44.880 --> 0:01:46.880 I just saw this place. So when anyone wants to 0:01:46.880 --> 0:01:51.480 blame your house, all right, moving on leading someone on 0:01:51.600 --> 0:01:55.800 versus sending mixed signals, I think it's the that's the 0:01:55.840 --> 0:01:59.320 same book. Wow, it's the exact same thing. We're dropping 0:01:59.360 --> 0:02:02.840 bs bombs too, that's our passion, always feel about it. Well, 0:02:02.880 --> 0:02:04.800 then you have the backing of our friends over at 0:02:04.800 --> 0:02:08.040 the Facebook group because of you said that leading someone 0:02:08.080 --> 0:02:10.160 on is the same as mixed signal. Now I disagree, 0:02:10.520 --> 0:02:14.560 so do I. I would like to know if are 0:02:14.760 --> 0:02:20.639 female voters. I'm sure they're mostly female. I would imagine. Yes, Okay, 0:02:20.639 --> 0:02:23.560 well this is my take on it. Um. I know 0:02:23.760 --> 0:02:25.480 we like we were kind of discussing this last night 0:02:25.560 --> 0:02:27.200 and someone was like, yeah, but that's the whole point 0:02:27.200 --> 0:02:31.040 of dating. I think that if you are, we're at 0:02:31.080 --> 0:02:32.840 an age. I mean, I'm a little bit older. I 0:02:32.919 --> 0:02:35.120 just figured out that I'm the oldest in the in 0:02:35.200 --> 0:02:38.000 the studio right now, son an age where if you 0:02:38.040 --> 0:02:43.119 know you're into someone, um, you're going to treat them 0:02:43.240 --> 0:02:46.480 in a respectful manner where you're not going to dive 0:02:46.520 --> 0:02:49.880 in deep into sending them signals of like, oh my god, 0:02:49.880 --> 0:02:50.960 I want to be with you, oh my god, I 0:02:50.960 --> 0:02:54.560 want to scarce monogamously, and then it's two months, you 0:02:54.680 --> 0:02:56.680 months down the line. That's not where your head as 0:02:56.840 --> 0:02:58.720 is anymore. If you know, if that's not where your 0:02:58.720 --> 0:03:01.160 head is, that then you shouldn't be sending those singles 0:03:01.200 --> 0:03:04.840 at the beginning. You should, you know what I mean? So, 0:03:04.960 --> 0:03:07.640 I think leading someone on and then it's the same, 0:03:08.080 --> 0:03:13.560 it's the same thing. I understand where you're coming from. 0:03:13.600 --> 0:03:16.280 But having said that, I think listen, leading someone on 0:03:16.400 --> 0:03:19.680 is with the intent of pretty much lying to them. 0:03:19.800 --> 0:03:22.519 We're sending mixed signals. I think is someone being honest 0:03:22.560 --> 0:03:25.400 and saying, hey, I'm confused right now. See I think 0:03:25.440 --> 0:03:27.720 you're okay. Sorry, no, go continue, I want to hear 0:03:27.760 --> 0:03:30.680 you much jumping, Let's go. I think they're so completely different, 0:03:30.880 --> 0:03:33.800 it's not even they don't even compare in the sense 0:03:33.880 --> 0:03:37.720 that leading someone on is your intentionally kind of keeping 0:03:37.760 --> 0:03:40.240 them on a string, maybe going out of your way 0:03:40.280 --> 0:03:43.480 to do romantic gestures or things for them. No, Vanessa, 0:03:43.600 --> 0:03:45.520 let me finish, please while you please not interrupt you 0:03:45.520 --> 0:03:49.360 while I'm trying to do. On the On the on 0:03:49.400 --> 0:03:51.680 the flip side of that, on the contrary, sending mixed 0:03:51.680 --> 0:03:54.520 signals is something that I am. I've I'm guilty of. 0:03:54.600 --> 0:03:57.720 I've done that before solely because I'm not going out 0:03:57.760 --> 0:03:59.840 of my way to do romantic gestures. But I think 0:03:59.840 --> 0:04:02.760 in apparently I'm an affectionate person, and sometimes that affection 0:04:03.080 --> 0:04:06.080 can come across as showing interest. And so what I'm 0:04:06.080 --> 0:04:09.520 saying the difference is is sending mixed signals and leading 0:04:09.520 --> 0:04:11.480 someone on are so different because you can be kind 0:04:11.520 --> 0:04:13.760 to someone and that person is going to perceive those 0:04:13.800 --> 0:04:17.599 actions and that kindness as affection, while sending leading someone 0:04:17.640 --> 0:04:19.520 on is like sending them flowers or taking them out 0:04:19.520 --> 0:04:21.120 to dinner, that kind of thing. And I think that 0:04:21.200 --> 0:04:25.240 leading someone on is and it's literally leading them to 0:04:25.320 --> 0:04:27.320 believe that there's a relationship at the end of this 0:04:27.480 --> 0:04:31.000 when you know there isn't send exactly. It's the same 0:04:31.000 --> 0:04:35.080 thing as sending a mixed action. That's one thing. Hold on, 0:04:35.160 --> 0:04:37.120 if you're talking about effect enough one thing. But if 0:04:37.160 --> 0:04:40.400 you're if you're sending and we spoke about this on 0:04:40.440 --> 0:04:43.719 the podcast last week theme I forget what the terminology is. 0:04:43.760 --> 0:04:47.760 But if you're sending someone a text message read commenting, 0:04:47.839 --> 0:04:49.840 or last thing at night, or like a sweet message 0:04:49.839 --> 0:04:52.279 of like I think I'm thinking about you, or just 0:04:52.440 --> 0:04:56.520 something that makes the other person assume that you're into them, 0:04:56.680 --> 0:04:59.440 that is leading someone on. But that's also not sending 0:04:59.480 --> 0:05:01.479 mixed signals. That's the definition of leading them on, not 0:05:01.600 --> 0:05:05.160 mixing signals. That's the difference is that's that's one thing, 0:05:05.200 --> 0:05:09.559 absolutely right, if you're if you're you're sending it, sending 0:05:09.600 --> 0:05:11.839 a message one day and then you're not that you are, 0:05:11.520 --> 0:05:15.160 that you are that you're not. Yeah, but mixing those 0:05:15.240 --> 0:05:17.719 is also being honest about your confusion. For example of vans, 0:05:17.760 --> 0:05:19.400 if somebody came up to you and said, hey, I 0:05:19.440 --> 0:05:22.560 really like listen. I would rather have somebody be honest 0:05:22.600 --> 0:05:27.000 about um their confusion rather than lie about their decisiveness 0:05:27.080 --> 0:05:29.320 and then find out that they were never really interested 0:05:29.360 --> 0:05:31.520 in having relationship at the end of the road. For example, 0:05:31.560 --> 0:05:33.719 I think that giving me signals, like Dean said, is 0:05:33.760 --> 0:05:36.320 doing romantic things. Having said that, being honest and saying 0:05:36.360 --> 0:05:38.480 I'm confused about my feelings. I'm not sure where to 0:05:38.560 --> 0:05:40.640 go from here, but like, I like you, I like 0:05:40.720 --> 0:05:42.520 you in my life, but I'm not sure if this 0:05:42.600 --> 0:05:44.400 is going to be a long term thing. I feel 0:05:44.520 --> 0:05:46.919 that's sending mixed signals because you're doing one thing but 0:05:46.960 --> 0:05:49.680 also saying another. Having said that, leading someone on would 0:05:49.680 --> 0:05:52.080 be like I want a relationship with you, I want 0:05:52.120 --> 0:05:54.479 to um, you know, end up with you, and then 0:05:54.560 --> 0:05:57.000 he knows all the while he's just using you, and 0:05:57.000 --> 0:06:00.839 he's saying these things just to get you in bed. Well, 0:06:00.960 --> 0:06:03.560 I think if you're being honest, if you're communicating your 0:06:03.600 --> 0:06:05.960 thoughts and saying I'm not sure if I want to 0:06:06.000 --> 0:06:08.000 be with you, that's a whole but that's the whole 0:06:08.040 --> 0:06:11.320 other conversation. I'm just if you remove the honestly aspect 0:06:11.360 --> 0:06:13.800 of it, and if and someone is just sending you 0:06:13.960 --> 0:06:17.960 the wrong signals and the wrong text messages at the 0:06:18.080 --> 0:06:21.120 right time, after the right text messages at the right time, 0:06:21.320 --> 0:06:23.680 but they're just bored and they need like validation from 0:06:23.680 --> 0:06:26.440 another person. Then that's leading someone on. Yeah, but I 0:06:26.480 --> 0:06:29.839 also you're being honest. If you're being honest about it, 0:06:29.880 --> 0:06:32.159 then it's two different things. Yes, I agree with you, Yeah, 0:06:32.160 --> 0:06:34.520 but I think the difference it lies in that mixed 0:06:34.520 --> 0:06:36.880 signals is honesty. I don't know for me, for example, 0:06:36.920 --> 0:06:38.480 like if I call back on my own past, Yes, 0:06:38.480 --> 0:06:40.440 I did romantic things for Ashley and I wanted her 0:06:40.440 --> 0:06:41.800 in my life because I really cared about her. But 0:06:41.800 --> 0:06:43.239 at the same time, I was away a little saying 0:06:43.279 --> 0:06:45.320 like I think we should be friends, and I was 0:06:45.360 --> 0:06:47.880 also lying to that extent because I was more confused 0:06:47.880 --> 0:06:49.480 than I was leading on. But I just always thought 0:06:49.520 --> 0:06:51.600 to be better to say, let's just be friends, because 0:06:51.600 --> 0:06:53.280 it's unfair for me to be one foot in one foot? 0:06:53.400 --> 0:06:55.880 So are you leading your send your mixed signals. I 0:06:55.920 --> 0:06:57.600 was never leading her on, And that's what always makes 0:06:57.600 --> 0:06:59.480 me mad is that Ashley once said that you led 0:06:59.480 --> 0:07:01.240 me on. I was like, no, I did not. I'm 0:07:01.240 --> 0:07:03.200 remember lying to you, I'm gonna have to agree with Actually, 0:07:03.360 --> 0:07:06.440 I think you were leading her on because you were, 0:07:06.480 --> 0:07:08.240 like you said, you were doing romantic things for her. 0:07:08.279 --> 0:07:10.520 That's leading her to believe that you're interested in having 0:07:10.520 --> 0:07:12.240 a relationship for her. I'm not saying that you lied 0:07:12.240 --> 0:07:14.600 about anything or anything that I just the way that 0:07:14.640 --> 0:07:17.120 I look at him is leading someone on. Is someone 0:07:17.160 --> 0:07:18.760 thinks there should be a relationship and the other person 0:07:18.800 --> 0:07:22.520 doesn't while sending mixed signals. Is it's it's the relationships 0:07:22.520 --> 0:07:24.000 are removed from it. It's just like you're being a 0:07:24.080 --> 0:07:26.520 kind affectionate person for whatever reason. Like that me, that's 0:07:26.520 --> 0:07:28.920 just who you are, because you are you, Jared. You 0:07:28.960 --> 0:07:31.200 are a very kind and affectionate person. But if you're 0:07:31.200 --> 0:07:32.840 going out of your way to like set up these 0:07:32.920 --> 0:07:35.280 romantic things for her and like make her feel like 0:07:35.320 --> 0:07:36.840 she has a glimmer of hope to like date you, 0:07:36.920 --> 0:07:38.560 that's leading someone on. So are you saying that you 0:07:38.640 --> 0:07:41.560 let on both Christina and Daniel. I think I said 0:07:42.120 --> 0:07:45.840 I think shots are being fired here today. I'm just 0:07:45.880 --> 0:07:49.200 saying if if if you are describing that exact explanation 0:07:49.240 --> 0:07:50.840 of me with Ashley, then you have to say it 0:07:50.880 --> 0:07:54.200 about yourself, but I dated both of them. Yeah, but 0:07:54.280 --> 0:07:58.640 I'm I'm I'm engaged Ashley, okay, rubbing it in my 0:07:58.640 --> 0:08:00.240 face a little bit more. No, I don't it in 0:08:00.240 --> 0:08:02.440 that way. But like if you're putting on the day asked, 0:08:02.520 --> 0:08:04.400 I'm saying you, I think that you did lead her on. 0:08:05.320 --> 0:08:07.680 I'm very very happy that you two were able to 0:08:07.760 --> 0:08:10.480 lead into this engagement together. Of course, you guys are 0:08:10.520 --> 0:08:14.360 my favorite couple of all time. Um, I think that I, 0:08:14.480 --> 0:08:16.760 like I said earlier, I'm good at sending mixed signals, 0:08:16.800 --> 0:08:19.160 good obviously being a relative term. I do send mixed 0:08:19.200 --> 0:08:22.280 signals because I want to love everyone and I want 0:08:22.280 --> 0:08:23.920 everyone to love me back. And by doing that, it 0:08:24.000 --> 0:08:25.960 sends it sets someone up to be like, okay, like 0:08:26.000 --> 0:08:28.760 he's interested in me, even though the interest isn't maybe 0:08:28.800 --> 0:08:30.760 quite as high as it is totally. But I was 0:08:30.800 --> 0:08:32.640 even gonna back you up because I think back upon 0:08:32.640 --> 0:08:34.920 the Last Paradise and I said that Dean wasn't leading 0:08:34.920 --> 0:08:36.880 on Christina, or Dean wasn't leading on Delo. He gave 0:08:36.920 --> 0:08:39.000 them mixing because he was confused. But you were always 0:08:39.080 --> 0:08:42.800 honest in your confusion. For example, like like Chris is 0:08:42.840 --> 0:08:45.160 about to be called out tonight apparently on Bachelor Paradise 0:08:45.240 --> 0:08:47.880 for leading to you on because he said, Hey, I 0:08:48.040 --> 0:08:51.720 this guy. He's on Bachelor and Paradise. But he pretty 0:08:51.800 --> 0:08:53.600 much told Tia, I only want to be with you, 0:08:53.640 --> 0:08:55.679 and then he went to go and kiss Crystal. He 0:08:55.760 --> 0:08:58.800 was leading Ti on compared to Colin, who was like, yes, 0:08:58.880 --> 0:09:00.560 I do like you, but on confus used about my 0:09:00.600 --> 0:09:02.320 feelings and so he was doing nice things but also 0:09:02.360 --> 0:09:03.760 saying he didn't want to be in a relationship. So 0:09:03.800 --> 0:09:08.520 he was sending this was leading to the Okay, can 0:09:08.559 --> 0:09:17.280 I time in? So I think, let's say hyposthetical situation. 0:09:17.480 --> 0:09:19.320 I'm gonna put Dean and I in this, Okay, So 0:09:19.400 --> 0:09:24.559 let's say beans in love with me. Yeah, okay. So 0:09:24.640 --> 0:09:27.040 I know that Dean's in love with me, and I 0:09:27.200 --> 0:09:31.000 take advantage of the fact that I'm getting attention from him, 0:09:31.040 --> 0:09:32.959 and I kind of want it and I like it. 0:09:33.000 --> 0:09:36.080 So I'm going to send him those signals that make 0:09:36.200 --> 0:09:39.559 him assume that I too, am into him. No, here's 0:09:39.559 --> 0:09:43.240 the questions, because that's you leading me on. I think, well, 0:09:43.280 --> 0:09:45.679 here's the question for you, Vanessa. If if this was true, 0:09:45.840 --> 0:09:48.200 are you into Dean? Could you possibly think that there 0:09:48.240 --> 0:09:50.120 was a relationship between you and Dean in the future, 0:09:50.200 --> 0:09:52.679 or do you know right now that there's no possibility 0:09:52.960 --> 0:09:57.199 of you guys ending up together. I think, well, in 0:09:57.559 --> 0:10:02.839 our treation, I I mean, it depends, It depends where. 0:10:03.120 --> 0:10:06.720 It always depends on what Okay, what happens is there's 0:10:06.760 --> 0:10:10.400 two people that have two different expectations on relationships and 0:10:10.480 --> 0:10:12.920 on dating. I'm the type of person that's like, Wow, 0:10:12.960 --> 0:10:14.720 if I'm going to give someone attention, it's because I 0:10:14.760 --> 0:10:17.280 actually really like them. I'm not gonna call a guy, 0:10:17.320 --> 0:10:19.079 I'm not gonna I'm not gonna kiss the guy, or 0:10:19.080 --> 0:10:21.040 I'm not going to sleep with someone if I'm not 0:10:21.240 --> 0:10:24.280 a hundred percent into them. So I assume if the 0:10:24.320 --> 0:10:26.360 guy is texting me, or if the guy wants to 0:10:26.400 --> 0:10:28.400 kiss me or hold my hand in public, because he's 0:10:28.400 --> 0:10:31.720 a hundred percent into me as well, And then if 0:10:31.720 --> 0:10:34.920 he's not, I get confused. I'm like, what the posts? 0:10:35.520 --> 0:10:37.480 Why why are you? Why are you leading me on? 0:10:37.600 --> 0:10:40.720 Why are you sending big signals if you were doing 0:10:40.760 --> 0:10:45.160 everything that in my book describe a person who's really 0:10:45.160 --> 0:10:48.320 into me with two yes, But I think you're taking 0:10:48.360 --> 0:10:51.400 out the part the person's definition. But it depends on 0:10:51.440 --> 0:10:54.240 what the person's definition is of, Like listen, if I 0:10:54.360 --> 0:10:57.280 was someone that would be if I work at on Paradise, 0:10:57.320 --> 0:11:00.520 I think it'd be like, ah, kiss Sara, Sara. You know, 0:11:00.640 --> 0:11:03.080 I don't think i'd be flying for one specific person 0:11:03.120 --> 0:11:05.719 because it seems to me like everyone on Fairdise just 0:11:05.840 --> 0:11:10.319 kind of enjoys their time getting to know multiple people. 0:11:10.360 --> 0:11:13.119 It's not like being on the bast Or franchise totally 0:11:13.280 --> 0:11:15.520 for one person. And that's totally fine, But I think 0:11:15.520 --> 0:11:17.360 what the part that you're taking out when you're describing 0:11:17.400 --> 0:11:20.480 that one relationship or like hypothetically speaking that one relationship, 0:11:20.960 --> 0:11:23.079 you're taking out the conversations that you guys have. And 0:11:23.120 --> 0:11:25.959 if he was saying, listen, I'm confused about where we're 0:11:26.000 --> 0:11:28.480 going and I'm still open to dating other people, then 0:11:28.520 --> 0:11:30.280 I think he's sending you mixed signals. But if he's 0:11:30.320 --> 0:11:32.599 telling you, hey, I think we can end up in 0:11:32.600 --> 0:11:36.280 a relationship together in actuality, he's just lying because you 0:11:36.320 --> 0:11:38.280 know he wants something else from you, then I think 0:11:38.280 --> 0:11:40.319 that's leading someone on. I see your point. I think 0:11:40.320 --> 0:11:42.920 that makes sense. I don't know, but I guess that 0:11:43.000 --> 0:11:45.880 I'm I'm just saying, if you didn't have that conversation 0:11:46.000 --> 0:11:48.520 and if you're not at that stage in the relationship yet, 0:11:48.679 --> 0:11:51.840 but everything else leads you to believe that you're you 0:11:51.880 --> 0:11:54.240 are monogamous and that you are committed to each other, 0:11:54.360 --> 0:11:57.040 and you know before you have that conversation, because there 0:11:57.080 --> 0:11:59.840 are certain like relationships that you can be in and 0:12:00.120 --> 0:12:02.040 kind of put the puzzle pieces together and it's like, yeah, 0:12:02.080 --> 0:12:03.960 I don't have to be asking this question right now 0:12:04.280 --> 0:12:07.160 and put holes in the relationship and like get you know, 0:12:07.360 --> 0:12:10.000 stuck the magic out of the first couple of months 0:12:10.000 --> 0:12:13.760 in it. I think you as absolutely. I think I 0:12:13.760 --> 0:12:15.640 think Jerry kind of sold me on his thought process 0:12:15.679 --> 0:12:18.040 because what we've seen a lot, especially a better paradise 0:12:18.120 --> 0:12:20.000 is here. Well, and let me defend it for a second, 0:12:20.040 --> 0:12:21.280 because I feel like what we've seen a lot of 0:12:21.320 --> 0:12:24.559 in Bachelor in Paradise this year, almost at every turn, 0:12:24.880 --> 0:12:27.600 is guys saying what they need to say in order 0:12:27.600 --> 0:12:29.520 to keep a girl on the line. Like you see 0:12:29.600 --> 0:12:31.319 Chris talking to Tia to make her feel comfortable and 0:12:31.320 --> 0:12:33.120 then he goes and does something completely different. That's that 0:12:33.200 --> 0:12:36.040 level of dishonesty I think is the what the foundation 0:12:36.040 --> 0:12:38.600 of leading someone on versus mixed signals is like it's 0:12:38.640 --> 0:12:42.080 an authentic terror between not really knowing what to do 0:12:42.280 --> 0:12:44.160 sort of things. So I understand you're coming from. I'm 0:12:44.160 --> 0:12:46.480 sorry if me saying that you let Ashley on him 0:12:46.520 --> 0:12:48.040 across is me calling you a lie or anything that 0:12:48.040 --> 0:12:52.360 because you're not it did not at all. We're talking here, Okay, 0:12:52.480 --> 0:12:54.720 I love it. I'm having discussions like this where people 0:12:54.720 --> 0:12:56.920 are in two different points, like trying to argue to 0:12:56.920 --> 0:12:58.959 three different points. You want to know whose point I 0:12:59.000 --> 0:13:01.920 think we should take into account is Taylor's? I totally agree. 0:13:01.920 --> 0:13:03.199 Can we get her in here real quick? I think 0:13:03.400 --> 0:13:05.600 while Taylor is coming in here, I have something very 0:13:05.600 --> 0:13:08.280 special that I want to talk about because I don't 0:13:08.280 --> 0:13:10.120 know if you guys. Are you guys big Lionel Richie's face, 0:13:10.160 --> 0:13:13.760 Oh my god, tiny dancer, dog God, here we go 0:13:14.360 --> 0:13:18.760 that I want to tell him I'm more of your 0:13:18.760 --> 0:13:22.040 favorite favorite kind of guy or all night long? The 0:13:22.080 --> 0:13:25.440 cool thing is, guys, listen all night Long is one 0:13:25.440 --> 0:13:28.000 of my favorite. Also, endless love, Happy Gilmore. Please tell 0:13:28.000 --> 0:13:29.560 me you guys know where I'm talking about over here. 0:13:30.040 --> 0:13:33.440 Lionel Richies all the hits Las Vegas residency has returned 0:13:33.480 --> 0:13:36.640 to Zappo's Theater at Planet Hollywood. Guys, it's after an 0:13:36.640 --> 0:13:39.679 amazing three year run. The final sixteen dates of Lionels 0:13:39.720 --> 0:13:43.160 All the Hits Vegas Residency will be this August and October. Guys, 0:13:43.240 --> 0:13:45.320 I am going. I'm super excited to listen to Line 0:13:45.400 --> 0:13:49.320 Richie Live. It's there. We're gonna hang out, We're gonna 0:13:49.320 --> 0:13:52.440 hold hands, We're gonna listen endless left together signals. It's 0:13:52.440 --> 0:13:54.240 gonna be amazing. Maybe I'll lead you on and you 0:13:54.280 --> 0:13:56.920 send me mix sages all right, guys. Tickets, v I 0:13:56.960 --> 0:13:59.400 P tables and meet and greets are available at ticket 0:13:59.400 --> 0:14:01.800 master dot com from Lona Richie's Paul the Hits Las 0:14:01.920 --> 0:14:05.000 Vegas Residency check it out at the Zappos Theater this 0:14:05.080 --> 0:14:10.240 August and October at Planet Hollywood. Now, boom uh, we 0:14:10.320 --> 0:14:14.679 have a very special guest in studio, Taylor. How do 0:14:14.720 --> 0:14:21.440 you say your last aim? So sorry, A lot of 0:14:21.480 --> 0:14:25.200 coated last night, So I completely blanked because I am 0:14:25.240 --> 0:14:28.400 an idiot. If you haven't recognized by that. Thank you 0:14:28.480 --> 0:14:32.680 so much for joining us. Yeah, thanks for having me, Taylor. 0:14:32.680 --> 0:14:35.120 We want your input on this real quick. Um leading 0:14:35.160 --> 0:14:38.680 someone on verus sending mixed signals quick one minute thoughts 0:14:38.760 --> 0:14:40.440 on what the differences could be between the two of them, 0:14:40.560 --> 0:14:43.400 or do you think you're the same um at first? 0:14:43.800 --> 0:14:45.760 Like my gut, I would say that they're very different. 0:14:46.160 --> 0:14:49.240 Leading someone on, you are giving them signs that you're 0:14:49.240 --> 0:14:54.120 interested and maybe you're just like with holding a little bit, 0:14:54.440 --> 0:14:58.960 whereas Nick signals as like you're very hot and cold okay, interesting, 0:14:59.240 --> 0:15:01.920 Like mixed signals is like you're you're definitely going for it, 0:15:01.960 --> 0:15:05.440 you're pursuing it, but then you're also like acting completely disinterested, 0:15:05.960 --> 0:15:10.280 whereas leading someone on, I feel like the opposite, yes, 0:15:10.680 --> 0:15:14.320 is kind of lacking, acting interested when you're really not. Yeah, 0:15:14.600 --> 0:15:16.800 kind of Okay, I got that. I like that. I 0:15:16.840 --> 0:15:19.040 like that aspect. I agree. I think that's nailed right 0:15:19.080 --> 0:15:22.080 on that perfect side with me. Were you not listening, 0:15:24.320 --> 0:15:26.920 I had the other side to it to me. I'm sorry, girl, 0:15:26.960 --> 0:15:29.840 I would have had your back. So, Vanessa, do you 0:15:29.880 --> 0:15:31.600 want to take it? Because you and Taylor obviously have 0:15:31.760 --> 0:15:33.960 a strong friendship from your time on the season together, 0:15:34.000 --> 0:15:35.160 and I think you guys have hung out quite a 0:15:35.160 --> 0:15:38.960 bit post season as well, Right yep, yeah, yeah, we're 0:15:38.960 --> 0:15:43.000 gonna be with each other, got in. Yeah, we're face 0:15:43.080 --> 0:15:45.120 timing before this, and then we're going to be together 0:15:45.320 --> 0:15:48.720 at a conference here soon together too, So I forgot 0:15:48.720 --> 0:15:50.560 a thought that Yeah, just's in a couple of weeks. Yes, 0:15:50.800 --> 0:15:54.280 excited to see you. Thanks guys. All right, well, Vanessa, 0:15:54.360 --> 0:15:56.240 what kind of questions you want to lead off with Taylor, 0:15:56.280 --> 0:15:59.440 because obviously we have a lot to cover. Well, I'm 0:15:59.440 --> 0:16:01.600 just saying you got is really besties. It's just it's 0:16:01.760 --> 0:16:03.520 mostly appropriate for you to be asking. And just to 0:16:03.520 --> 0:16:05.920 give it a little background, I don't think anybody needs it. Taylor, 0:16:05.960 --> 0:16:08.280 you're obviously on next season of the Bachelor, and then 0:16:08.320 --> 0:16:10.480 you went on Bachelor in Paradise last year with Dean, 0:16:10.960 --> 0:16:15.760 and then you were engaged to Derek, which has recently ended. 0:16:15.760 --> 0:16:17.520 I'm sorry to hear about that. Um, just to give 0:16:17.520 --> 0:16:19.600 our audience a little background on Taylor, you probably already 0:16:19.600 --> 0:16:21.440 know it. You also have a podcast I do. It's 0:16:21.440 --> 0:16:23.880 called Let's Talk About It with Taylor on Perfect Let's 0:16:23.880 --> 0:16:25.360 Talk About It. I love the name of that, And 0:16:25.400 --> 0:16:31.880 so Vanessa go, what question he's got for Taylor? Well, actually, 0:16:31.880 --> 0:16:34.400 Taylor and I I just I was on Taylor's podcast, 0:16:34.600 --> 0:16:40.040 uh like maybe last month. We're talking about breakups and uh, 0:16:40.080 --> 0:16:42.280 you know, having to deal with the public breakups and 0:16:42.400 --> 0:16:46.360 the steps of going getting over someone blah blah blah blah. 0:16:46.400 --> 0:16:49.360 I think so, I think I want to ask, and 0:16:49.400 --> 0:16:52.480 I know obviously all the answers and I have mulsible 0:16:52.520 --> 0:16:54.200 questions that I'm like, you know what, we'll keep it 0:16:54.240 --> 0:16:56.960 for a private conversation, But I guess I just people 0:16:57.000 --> 0:17:00.200 probably want to know, how are you dealing with the 0:17:00.240 --> 0:17:04.320 aftermath of your public break up and where your your 0:17:04.320 --> 0:17:08.639 heart and your head is at right now. Fantastic question, Vanessa. Yeah, 0:17:09.640 --> 0:17:11.800 I mean how I handle it. Like initially, it's just 0:17:11.920 --> 0:17:14.280 a lot of support from friends and family and just 0:17:14.359 --> 0:17:17.600 kind of like getting disconnected a little bit um from 0:17:17.640 --> 0:17:20.399 everything social wise, a little bit of disconnect from the 0:17:20.480 --> 0:17:24.520 relationship communication wise, and like really just getting back in 0:17:24.640 --> 0:17:27.159 touch with your life and the people that you care about, 0:17:27.280 --> 0:17:29.399 and um, for me, it's like getting back to the 0:17:29.440 --> 0:17:32.480 things that I'm really passionate about and give me life 0:17:32.520 --> 0:17:34.960 and give me happiness. And for me, that's like animals 0:17:35.000 --> 0:17:40.920 and food, plants, plants. What's your favorite animal? Cat? Cat? Cat? 0:17:40.920 --> 0:17:42.840 I think a tat And I'm like, wait, not down 0:17:42.840 --> 0:17:45.280 with one? A tat is Yeah, cat, I'm like a 0:17:45.280 --> 0:17:48.760 crazy cat at heart. Um right now, I have one. 0:17:49.240 --> 0:17:51.680 I had two. They came together. They were my foster's 0:17:51.840 --> 0:17:54.040 used to foster a lot um and I did a 0:17:54.040 --> 0:17:56.359 lot of rescue work when I lived in Baltimore, so 0:17:56.480 --> 0:17:59.000 they were my fosters and then um, I adopted them 0:17:59.000 --> 0:18:01.280 and one of them passed away recently at the same 0:18:01.320 --> 0:18:05.560 time as the breakup. Oh my god, I'm what's your 0:18:05.560 --> 0:18:08.560 cat's name? Lily? Lily, That's such a great name. Yeah. 0:18:08.720 --> 0:18:10.040 She came to me with it, and I was like, 0:18:10.080 --> 0:18:12.960 how right, you know, rip the l okay. So what 0:18:13.040 --> 0:18:14.359 kind of advice would you have for the listeners that 0:18:14.400 --> 0:18:16.920 are dealing with a breakup themselves? Obviously it's a little 0:18:16.920 --> 0:18:19.520 bit different from your situation to the next, just because 0:18:19.520 --> 0:18:21.480 of obviously the publicity of it and then the engagement 0:18:21.520 --> 0:18:23.440 is a little bit more severe than like a boyfriend girlfriend. 0:18:23.680 --> 0:18:25.520 But for the listeners out there, because we do often 0:18:25.520 --> 0:18:28.879 get emails or callers or people like inquiring, like I 0:18:28.920 --> 0:18:31.240 just went through this breakup, it's incredibly challenging for me. 0:18:32.080 --> 0:18:35.160 And obviously you deal a lot with mental health because 0:18:35.160 --> 0:18:36.920 that's your you know, your interest in what you study 0:18:36.920 --> 0:18:38.320 in college and what your profession is all that kind 0:18:38.320 --> 0:18:39.720 of stuff. So what kind of advice would you have 0:18:39.760 --> 0:18:41.680 for a listener um that's kind of going through a 0:18:41.720 --> 0:18:45.360 similar situation. Yeah, first, I would say, like practice being 0:18:45.440 --> 0:18:48.960 kind to yourself. Um, Like self compassion is something I 0:18:49.000 --> 0:18:52.600 think everyone struggles with actually implementing because it's kind of 0:18:52.640 --> 0:18:56.520 a weird concept, um, but really just actually like sitting 0:18:56.560 --> 0:18:58.720 and being kind to yourself. So I think you beat 0:18:58.720 --> 0:19:01.320 yourself up and you second so many things about yourself 0:19:01.400 --> 0:19:03.920 during a breakup, and you know, you feel sometimes there's 0:19:03.920 --> 0:19:06.040 like the sense of rejection or sense of being alone 0:19:06.040 --> 0:19:08.159 and you're gonna be alone forever, and just kind of 0:19:08.200 --> 0:19:11.720 giving yourself those like, um, checking in on that inner 0:19:11.760 --> 0:19:15.200 talk and like giving yourself reality checks you know, and 0:19:15.680 --> 0:19:18.680 mean kind to yourself. Yeah, those are really important things 0:19:18.680 --> 0:19:21.439 to do, was it? Um? So if we rewind a 0:19:21.440 --> 0:19:22.840 little bit, you were, like I said, you were on 0:19:22.920 --> 0:19:25.680 NIX season to The Bachelor, and you were famously known 0:19:25.720 --> 0:19:28.919 for going on a two own kin. So, uh, did 0:19:28.920 --> 0:19:30.720 you ever talk to Kurin after the show? Did you 0:19:30.720 --> 0:19:32.640 guys ever become friends? Because then you went to Paradise 0:19:32.640 --> 0:19:35.600 and the whole thing happened. Um, I think our listeners 0:19:35.600 --> 0:19:37.800 would be pretty curious, like, because I feel like we 0:19:37.960 --> 0:19:39.679 always see like two on ones and people that like 0:19:39.680 --> 0:19:42.040 appear to hate each other on the show, And um, 0:19:42.160 --> 0:19:44.400 did you guys actually hate each other? Were you kind 0:19:44.400 --> 0:19:49.199 of friendly? I don't even, honestly, I don't even know. 0:19:49.359 --> 0:19:52.080 That's why I'm asking. I don't even. Yeah no, Um, 0:19:52.160 --> 0:19:54.400 I mean we spoke at Women's Hell all and then 0:19:54.840 --> 0:19:56.959 uh didn't see each other or speak to each other 0:19:56.960 --> 0:20:01.000 again until Paradise. Um, but even was short lived because 0:20:01.160 --> 0:20:02.960 obviously the whole was on the beach for two days. 0:20:03.040 --> 0:20:06.920 Yeah yeah, so, um, I mean we're not friends. We're 0:20:06.960 --> 0:20:10.280 not like people that catch up or message each other 0:20:10.640 --> 0:20:14.440 or have literally any interaction. Do you guys follow each 0:20:14.440 --> 0:20:17.399 other on Instagram? I don't believe she follows me, and 0:20:17.440 --> 0:20:19.359 I don't. I just I'll never forget that too. On 0:20:19.440 --> 0:20:21.639 one day because man, you guys, yeah, there was a 0:20:21.640 --> 0:20:24.680 big were there. Oh my god, you missed out. I 0:20:24.760 --> 0:20:26.360 was at like a viewing party in Atlanta with all 0:20:26.359 --> 0:20:29.440 these different Bachelor people and um, like James Taylor was 0:20:29.480 --> 0:20:31.440 there and Wells was there, and there was a bunch 0:20:31.480 --> 0:20:36.280 of us jin seven o uh seven. God, I can't 0:20:36.280 --> 0:20:40.200 pronounce anything Um, but I just vividly remember that too 0:20:40.240 --> 0:20:42.080 on one and then um, so then you went to 0:20:42.119 --> 0:20:44.439 Paradise and did you know, so you got engaged not 0:20:44.480 --> 0:20:47.280 on the show, but you got engaged on the reunion show. 0:20:47.920 --> 0:20:51.840 Did you see it coming at all? The engagement? Come on? 0:20:51.960 --> 0:20:54.320 Yes you did. I remember I was at in event 0:20:54.359 --> 0:20:58.320 in Nashville after Yes, Vanessa, would you want to bet 0:20:58.359 --> 0:21:02.639 money on it? If I could see it coming as 0:21:02.680 --> 0:21:05.320 an outsider, I there had to be like your hint, 0:21:05.440 --> 0:21:07.359 like an inkling inside of you that's like, Okay, something 0:21:07.600 --> 0:21:09.680 big is going to happen here. But let's talk about 0:21:09.680 --> 0:21:11.200 that for a second. Obviously leading up to it before 0:21:11.240 --> 0:21:14.080 and because we had a unique season of Paradise obviously 0:21:14.080 --> 0:21:17.040 with the whole scandal quote unquote um with Kriton de Mario, 0:21:17.160 --> 0:21:18.520 so I could be like we were kind of working 0:21:18.560 --> 0:21:22.520 on an abbreviated timeline, but also because you and Derek 0:21:23.119 --> 0:21:24.600 kind of hit it off in the beginning the first 0:21:24.600 --> 0:21:26.520 So for the listeners, I guess we had a timeline 0:21:26.520 --> 0:21:28.680 of we filmed for like three days and then we 0:21:28.680 --> 0:21:30.679 were all together for like two days, and then we 0:21:30.720 --> 0:21:32.240 all left for maybe like a week and a half. 0:21:32.480 --> 0:21:35.000 We were there for like five days five days total 0:21:35.080 --> 0:21:38.520 before we left right and then So so the interesting 0:21:38.680 --> 0:21:42.359 I guess dynamic with these relationships is for those like 0:21:42.400 --> 0:21:43.840 for that week and a half, there's like ten days 0:21:43.840 --> 0:21:45.439 where a lot of the cast members who had never 0:21:45.480 --> 0:21:47.399 met each other, like a Taylor and Derek, like me 0:21:47.440 --> 0:21:50.040 and Christina were interacting on a day to day basis 0:21:50.400 --> 0:21:54.000 off off camera, like via text like whatever it is 0:21:54.040 --> 0:21:55.720 you guys all hanging out. When you guys had to 0:21:55.760 --> 0:21:57.960 leave the resort and go back to the Vendanta where 0:21:57.960 --> 0:22:00.920 you go, you guys were able to interact. So you're 0:22:00.960 --> 0:22:04.480 really developing your relationship with Derek and you with Christina 0:22:04.560 --> 0:22:08.120 off and I remember this day, I was like Ben's 0:22:08.160 --> 0:22:09.679 Orn and Raven. We're all like caddled up next to 0:22:09.720 --> 0:22:11.920 each other, which is just hilarious look back and look 0:22:11.920 --> 0:22:14.880 at now. I remember you and Christina were like sneaking 0:22:15.359 --> 0:22:17.360 because we weren't supposed to like get out of our 0:22:17.440 --> 0:22:20.800 hotel room. Remember there were all these rumors of like 0:22:20.960 --> 0:22:24.760 who's sneaking around tonight? Like well, so so it was 0:22:24.800 --> 0:22:26.440 just a weird timeline for us because we kind of 0:22:26.480 --> 0:22:29.879 had the to experience both of obviously being on camera 0:22:30.240 --> 0:22:31.840 at the beach with each other and then also kind 0:22:31.840 --> 0:22:34.200 of like real world stuff as well. Um, but it's 0:22:34.200 --> 0:22:36.000 still such a quick amount of time. And it's funny 0:22:36.000 --> 0:22:37.600 because I got dinner with a friend actually not too 0:22:37.640 --> 0:22:39.919 long ago, and she was talking to me. She's like, 0:22:40.920 --> 0:22:43.360 she's like, obviously, none of these bacheloration relationships work out 0:22:43.400 --> 0:22:44.840 is because you don't really have enough time to build 0:22:44.840 --> 0:22:46.800 a friendship with them before you really like dive into 0:22:46.800 --> 0:22:49.080 a relationship. And so when you look back, maybe like 0:22:49.160 --> 0:22:52.520 on your time on the beach on Paradise, do you 0:22:52.520 --> 0:22:56.240 think that, like the timeline was too quick to get engaged, 0:22:56.520 --> 0:22:57.960 but you I mean maybe because you had a little 0:22:57.960 --> 0:22:59.480 bit more time with him, Like, what are your thoughts 0:22:59.520 --> 0:23:03.000 on kind of the timeline from meeting to him bending 0:23:03.040 --> 0:23:12.080 the knee? Vanessa? Wait, the timeline between? Do you think 0:23:12.240 --> 0:23:13.879 what are your Vanessa, what are your thoughts about the 0:23:13.880 --> 0:23:15.600 timeline of getting engaged in the show, Because there are 0:23:15.840 --> 0:23:18.479 there are critics, Yeah, I mean, Vanessa's engaged after three 0:23:18.520 --> 0:23:20.720 months exactly. Their critics that say people are getting engaged 0:23:20.760 --> 0:23:27.320 way too soon. You well, okay, there's three single people. 0:23:27.880 --> 0:23:30.600 It's a little it's a little quick. It's a little quick, 0:23:30.640 --> 0:23:32.480 for sure. Would you if you could go back and 0:23:32.560 --> 0:23:36.679 change anything, would you anything at all? Even like what 0:23:36.760 --> 0:23:38.560 you what you wore at a rose ceremony or something 0:23:38.600 --> 0:23:42.440 like that. If I could go back and change things, 0:23:43.320 --> 0:23:46.680 which I'm a strong could say yes that you can 0:23:46.680 --> 0:23:51.119 say yes to that. The answer is obvious. Yes, we 0:23:51.160 --> 0:23:53.359 all want to go back and change things certain things, sure, 0:23:53.600 --> 0:23:57.359 but also like I strongly believe and I'm happy with 0:23:57.520 --> 0:23:59.840 like how everything has led me to where I am 0:24:00.000 --> 0:24:02.240 today kind of thing, Butterfly, Like you could have changed 0:24:02.240 --> 0:24:03.760 something small. I could brush your teeth an hour or 0:24:03.840 --> 0:24:05.280 later in the day, and yeah, I would have no 0:24:05.320 --> 0:24:06.920 idea where I would be out to be a very 0:24:06.960 --> 0:24:09.399 different person. Um but I think like one of the 0:24:09.440 --> 0:24:12.240 biggest things I've learned that like I want to change 0:24:12.240 --> 0:24:17.199 in my life going forward, um is I think just 0:24:17.240 --> 0:24:21.520 like understanding and empowering myself to like take more control 0:24:21.640 --> 0:24:24.040 over the decisions and the things that happened in my life. 0:24:24.800 --> 0:24:26.480 If that makes sense. Well, so what made you kind 0:24:26.480 --> 0:24:28.960 of have that fun is there's it Was there a 0:24:28.960 --> 0:24:30.920 specific moment or that you're like, okay, like I need 0:24:30.960 --> 0:24:32.720 to take more control over this, or was it something 0:24:32.760 --> 0:24:34.960 like just kind of piled up just like I think 0:24:35.000 --> 0:24:37.359 like there's a lot of pressure developing a relationship on 0:24:37.400 --> 0:24:41.440 the show, and that things, you know, move a lot quicker, 0:24:41.520 --> 0:24:43.640 and you know, people aren't always necessarily on the same 0:24:43.680 --> 0:24:47.120 page with things, and um, I think it's important like 0:24:47.480 --> 0:24:49.560 to not only speak up and like speak your truth, 0:24:49.600 --> 0:24:52.240 but also like make sure that that you heard and 0:24:52.280 --> 0:24:53.840 make sure that your voice is heard and that you 0:24:53.880 --> 0:24:56.960 feel like your voice matters. It's interesting when you say that, 0:24:57.040 --> 0:25:01.040 because you are, um a rare exception to the Bachelor 0:25:01.160 --> 0:25:05.960 couple rule. A few exceptions that you got engaged after 0:25:06.040 --> 0:25:08.800 spending time off screen with somebody. You know, you guys 0:25:08.840 --> 0:25:11.840 like paradise. And then so paradise ended, you know, late 0:25:11.920 --> 0:25:13.440 June filming, I really believe it was, and then you 0:25:13.480 --> 0:25:14.760 guys spent a couple of months and then went to 0:25:14.880 --> 0:25:17.480 roon and show August. If I had to assume about 0:25:17.600 --> 0:25:22.199 this exact time, holy holy. And so it's interesting that 0:25:22.280 --> 0:25:23.520 a lot of people don't get that. A lot of 0:25:23.520 --> 0:25:25.480 people have the month of filming and then they're like, Okay, 0:25:25.480 --> 0:25:26.760 we're either going to do this we're not going to 0:25:26.840 --> 0:25:29.679 do this. Um, So I wonder if you could talk 0:25:29.680 --> 0:25:31.800 a little bit about that, like leaving spending some time 0:25:31.840 --> 0:25:33.840 with him and then getting engaged, and then I also 0:25:33.840 --> 0:25:36.919 had a quick question um that I'm completely blanking on, 0:25:37.000 --> 0:25:41.200 so just go with yours on that. Yeah, I mean, 0:25:41.680 --> 0:25:43.440 I think it was it was nice to be able 0:25:43.480 --> 0:25:46.520 to see each other outside of you know, Mexico, but 0:25:46.840 --> 0:25:49.440 it was also like we were both kind of still 0:25:49.440 --> 0:25:51.919 in weird places in our in our lives. You know. Um, 0:25:51.960 --> 0:25:54.200 I was still kind of trying to figure out where 0:25:54.200 --> 0:25:57.240 I wanted my life to go post my season um, 0:25:57.359 --> 0:26:00.280 and he was still kind of in like a weird 0:26:00.400 --> 0:26:03.560 um what's the word I'm looking for, like limbo. He 0:26:03.640 --> 0:26:05.160 was in a weird limbo state as well. Like we're 0:26:05.160 --> 0:26:07.040 both kind of in limbo states in our lives, which 0:26:07.080 --> 0:26:09.040 I think a lot of people coming off the show are, yes, 0:26:09.160 --> 0:26:13.159 in what way just like transitioning what locations are just 0:26:13.200 --> 0:26:16.520 like headspace locations jobs, you know, just not really kind 0:26:16.560 --> 0:26:18.560 of knowing what you're going to do and just like 0:26:18.640 --> 0:26:21.080 kind of staying open to whatever comes up or trying 0:26:21.119 --> 0:26:23.280 to figure out what you want to pursue. Um. And 0:26:23.359 --> 0:26:26.760 so you know, we're both kind of in weird phases 0:26:26.840 --> 0:26:29.520 like that, and so we would like take trips and 0:26:29.640 --> 0:26:33.000 you know, we were like long distance. Um, but you know, 0:26:33.119 --> 0:26:34.920 then you're kind of like trying to see if you 0:26:34.960 --> 0:26:36.960 can make things work. And then it's kind of like, Okay, 0:26:37.040 --> 0:26:40.000 we're really trying, really trying. Well. Wasn't there a couple 0:26:40.000 --> 0:26:41.720 of moments where you guys planned on moving to New 0:26:41.800 --> 0:26:44.760 York together? I'm like, I remember seeing something like that, 0:26:44.880 --> 0:26:49.080 but I could be mistaken. Yeah. Yeah, So he um 0:26:49.280 --> 0:26:56.479 accepted a job in Connecticut and um yeah, and UM 0:26:56.920 --> 0:27:00.359 we discussed, like you know, the potential of me moving there, 0:27:00.400 --> 0:27:05.600 and um, it it didn't happen. I mean I spent 0:27:05.680 --> 0:27:08.800 about like two weeks of every month out there, so 0:27:08.880 --> 0:27:11.400 like I did a lot of the traveling back and forth, um, 0:27:11.440 --> 0:27:13.600 because he was getting situated in this new job and 0:27:14.000 --> 0:27:18.359 um where the Seattle. Yeah, and my family so like 0:27:18.480 --> 0:27:22.280 the three days after the reunion films, my step dad 0:27:22.480 --> 0:27:26.000 went into cardiac arrest and likest like died and so 0:27:26.600 --> 0:27:28.480 came back and all this stuff was so my family 0:27:28.520 --> 0:27:30.240 was going to like a really weird period of time 0:27:30.240 --> 0:27:32.159 as well. Um, and he had to have like a 0:27:32.160 --> 0:27:34.679 whole career change. He was a pilot for like twenty 0:27:34.880 --> 0:27:37.680 plus years and UM, so I really wanted to spend 0:27:37.720 --> 0:27:40.040 a lot of time in Seattle with my family to 0:27:40.119 --> 0:27:42.119 make sure that like they weren't a good place. My 0:27:42.200 --> 0:27:44.639 mom's like traumatized by this, and she watched her husband 0:27:44.800 --> 0:27:47.000 die in front of her basically and then come back 0:27:47.000 --> 0:27:49.600 to side with a roller coaster. Um. And then like 0:27:49.640 --> 0:27:52.159 my cat Theo was super sick and so I was like, 0:27:52.160 --> 0:27:53.600 you know, I want to be here for him. So 0:27:53.640 --> 0:27:55.679 they were just like a lot of other things going on, 0:27:55.800 --> 0:27:58.800 and our relationship was still you know, we were really 0:27:58.800 --> 0:28:01.040 like working to try to make it work and see, 0:28:01.400 --> 0:28:03.560 you know, if this is like something that we're both 0:28:03.640 --> 0:28:07.280 mutually like really wanting to move forward with, and that's 0:28:07.320 --> 0:28:10.400 going to bring a lot of like positivity and connection 0:28:10.640 --> 0:28:12.200 in our lives. And there were a lot of things 0:28:12.280 --> 0:28:15.320 that like we were different on and in different places 0:28:15.320 --> 0:28:18.360 in our lives. And um, you know, he he was too. 0:28:18.480 --> 0:28:20.439 He has like such a hard work ethic and he 0:28:20.480 --> 0:28:23.920 works so hard and something I really admired about him. Um, 0:28:24.000 --> 0:28:25.880 but it does make it a little bit more difficult 0:28:25.920 --> 0:28:29.320 in terms of like balancing your relationships in your life. 0:28:29.320 --> 0:28:31.680 And um, so it's like, you know, I would go 0:28:31.720 --> 0:28:34.439 to Connecticut and would talk to Vanessa a lot, um 0:28:34.520 --> 0:28:37.679 and just you know, it's like a little lonely and 0:28:37.680 --> 0:28:40.120 it's a little different. Was it mostly you traveling out east? 0:28:40.120 --> 0:28:42.880 And I feel like he didn't really come out west often? Yeah, 0:28:42.880 --> 0:28:45.480 so it was it was always me coming um to 0:28:45.600 --> 0:28:48.880 visit there. How many times did you, like once a month, 0:28:49.880 --> 0:28:51.480 two weeks out of the month. She said, yeah, about 0:28:51.480 --> 0:28:53.480 two two and a half weeks out of each month 0:28:53.480 --> 0:28:55.440 I would be there. So I was living out a 0:28:55.480 --> 0:28:58.560 suitcase for a long time. UM, that state of limbo 0:28:58.640 --> 0:29:01.040 just kind of like had can infatuating. Is that your 0:29:01.040 --> 0:29:03.400 first long distance relationship? No, so I was in the 0:29:03.400 --> 0:29:08.120 longest sit relationship. UM a few months prior to the show. 0:29:08.360 --> 0:29:10.680 I think the show had started in August nine. Got 0:29:10.680 --> 0:29:14.760 out of that relationship like that December. UM, and we 0:29:14.880 --> 0:29:16.800 had started dating in Baltimore and then I moved to 0:29:16.840 --> 0:29:20.760 Seattle and we were long distance for like four months. 0:29:22.040 --> 0:29:23.840 So I've done it before, but it was like back 0:29:23.880 --> 0:29:26.720 and forth. I have a question that's kind of off topic, 0:29:26.800 --> 0:29:29.200 but on topic, So speaking of since you know you 0:29:29.240 --> 0:29:31.440 were doing long distance, I did long distance with Nick, 0:29:31.480 --> 0:29:33.200 and then I decided to move out to l A 0:29:33.240 --> 0:29:35.040 because that's where he was at and he was reporting 0:29:35.080 --> 0:29:39.400 gasing and all that stuff. So so, um, I'm I'm 0:29:39.680 --> 0:29:42.080 not I love long distance relationships, but I'm not someone 0:29:42.120 --> 0:29:45.280 who's a post to long distance relationships. After how long? 0:29:46.280 --> 0:29:49.720 After how long do you think is an appropriate amount 0:29:49.720 --> 0:29:53.720 of time to decide who moved where and who should 0:29:53.800 --> 0:29:56.400 move where? Like, how do you make that decision? Is 0:29:56.400 --> 0:29:58.720 that some three months of dating that you're like, all right, 0:29:58.880 --> 0:30:01.640 we have to take this relationship with stuff further on 0:30:01.720 --> 0:30:04.719 the side, you know, a permittent spot where we can 0:30:04.720 --> 0:30:07.560 actually build a solid foundation? Is it sis months? But 0:30:07.680 --> 0:30:10.320 after a year? I think it's like about six months 0:30:10.440 --> 0:30:12.760 is the cut off line? See, I don't feel like 0:30:12.800 --> 0:30:14.200 you can put any kind of time limit on it 0:30:14.200 --> 0:30:17.080 because I think it really depends upon what the connection 0:30:17.160 --> 0:30:20.600 is and what the you know, I'm very black and white. 0:30:20.800 --> 0:30:23.320 I know we're working on having like getting comfortable with 0:30:23.360 --> 0:30:26.280 this gray area and not necessarily knowing everything that's going 0:30:26.320 --> 0:30:28.720 to happen. It happens in the gray area, it does. 0:30:28.840 --> 0:30:31.400 That's where that's where all the magic happens to Um. 0:30:31.440 --> 0:30:33.560 So yeah, I don't. I think it's really depend Like 0:30:33.560 --> 0:30:35.040 I think there needs to be a lot of communication 0:30:35.280 --> 0:30:38.080 about it, um, because you want to make sure that 0:30:38.080 --> 0:30:39.480 you guys are built on the same page. Well, and 0:30:39.520 --> 0:30:42.320 it needs to be progress being made towards that too. 0:30:42.560 --> 0:30:45.800 It's like, I mean, long distance relationships. Some people can 0:30:45.800 --> 0:30:48.480 do them, some people definitely can't. I would say majority 0:30:48.560 --> 0:30:51.360 can't do them. So it's like if you don't, you're 0:30:51.400 --> 0:30:53.520 not you don't like them, right, I'm very anti long distance. 0:30:53.520 --> 0:30:56.400 I'm anti long distance. But like I hate to say it, 0:30:56.400 --> 0:30:58.320 but it's like if you I mean, you're in a 0:30:58.320 --> 0:31:01.320 relationship with Derek for almost a year, like nine months, 0:31:01.320 --> 0:31:04.200 ten months, whatever it is, um, and there was never 0:31:04.240 --> 0:31:06.200 the moment, well there was there was maybe conversations that 0:31:06.240 --> 0:31:07.520 you guys are gonna live together and all that kind 0:31:07.560 --> 0:31:11.200 of stuff, but um, I don't know, like what like 0:31:11.320 --> 0:31:13.640 that just it's such a straining on the relationship, you know. Yeah. 0:31:13.680 --> 0:31:16.680 And for me, I mean honestly, I didn't feel like, 0:31:17.040 --> 0:31:19.240 you know, okay, we needed to move towards moving in 0:31:19.280 --> 0:31:21.760 with each other. I know. That's more so where he 0:31:21.800 --> 0:31:24.560 was at, like he really wanted me to be there. Um. 0:31:24.800 --> 0:31:26.840 It was again, like I said, he was working all 0:31:26.840 --> 0:31:30.520 the time and so like his community was really just work. Um, 0:31:30.640 --> 0:31:32.840 And you know, I think it's like a little lonely 0:31:32.880 --> 0:31:34.640 out there, um, And so it meant a lot to 0:31:34.720 --> 0:31:37.040 him when I was out there visiting, But to me, 0:31:37.520 --> 0:31:39.280 it wasn't like we need to move in with each other. 0:31:39.320 --> 0:31:41.520 You know, for me, it would have made a big difference, 0:31:41.600 --> 0:31:44.640 like if he had came, if there had been more 0:31:44.640 --> 0:31:46.960 of back and forth, like if he had seen more 0:31:46.960 --> 0:31:49.520 of me in in Seattle and in my home and 0:31:49.520 --> 0:31:51.440 in my community, which like he got to see a 0:31:51.520 --> 0:31:53.600 little bit post show, but it's you know, all that 0:31:53.600 --> 0:31:56.120 stuff was happening with my family, with my cat, and 0:31:56.160 --> 0:31:59.200 like it's again post show, you're kind of trying to 0:31:59.280 --> 0:32:02.080 like decom pressed and like get back into like what 0:32:02.160 --> 0:32:03.800 your life is going to be and how it's gonna 0:32:03.840 --> 0:32:06.160 be in Like for me, that's like, Okay, you're getting 0:32:06.200 --> 0:32:08.880 to know me again and you care about like who 0:32:08.920 --> 0:32:13.400 I am and what's important to me. Right, that makes sense? Well, so, 0:32:13.920 --> 0:32:16.440 I mean, I obviously I know it's not the easiest 0:32:16.440 --> 0:32:18.040 thing to talk about in the world. And I've definitely 0:32:18.440 --> 0:32:20.240 like we've all had to go through these moments where 0:32:20.240 --> 0:32:22.680 it's like you kind of talk about these breakups. Um, 0:32:23.000 --> 0:32:24.400 was there like maybe a moment that you guys were 0:32:24.440 --> 0:32:26.680 together where you were like Okay, wait, maybe something's misfiring 0:32:26.720 --> 0:32:28.560 here and it doesn't necessarily feel like it should be 0:32:28.560 --> 0:32:30.520 working as easy as it should. Is it something that 0:32:30.560 --> 0:32:33.200 you are willing to talk about, because there's always like 0:32:33.560 --> 0:32:35.320 it's always hard to define it as one moment like 0:32:35.360 --> 0:32:36.960 this is the moment where things started to go awry 0:32:37.040 --> 0:32:42.320 a little bit. But is there a point? Thank you? Okay, 0:32:43.120 --> 0:32:45.000 I'm gonna take the fresh off of Taylor and I'll 0:32:45.000 --> 0:32:47.960 put it on to me right now. I feel great, friend, 0:32:48.520 --> 0:32:53.160 I remember right. So I'm very candid about you know, 0:32:53.240 --> 0:32:55.120 Nick and I have been gone through a couple of therapy, 0:32:55.160 --> 0:32:58.400 and I think it's something most couple should do. Um, 0:32:58.440 --> 0:33:02.160 I only started this individuals one. Yeah. Yeah, but I'm 0:33:02.160 --> 0:33:04.320 saying I don't starting therapy once I was on the 0:33:04.360 --> 0:33:07.360 Bachelor and I realized just how creatives express. I'm not 0:33:07.400 --> 0:33:09.800 all right. I don't like writing things down, so I 0:33:09.880 --> 0:33:11.760 like talking about it. But every now and then, when 0:33:11.760 --> 0:33:14.240 you talk to your the same sister, the same front, 0:33:14.320 --> 0:33:16.680 you know, you get you're getting the same piece of advice. 0:33:17.200 --> 0:33:19.080 But it was just so nice to hear from a 0:33:19.120 --> 0:33:21.120 third party. Um. And then we did a couple of 0:33:21.120 --> 0:33:25.560 therapy and remember that they're asking us what was go 0:33:25.720 --> 0:33:27.480 back in time, and I want you guys to think 0:33:27.480 --> 0:33:31.240 about this too. Maybe practices just like your significant other. Um, 0:33:31.520 --> 0:33:33.880 go back and think of when was the last time 0:33:34.160 --> 0:33:38.239 you truly stuff connected to your partner? Think about it 0:33:38.280 --> 0:33:40.080 and let me know. So I'm like, all right, so 0:33:40.120 --> 0:33:41.920 I thought about it. I'm like, I got it. The 0:33:42.000 --> 0:33:44.760 last time I felt was blah blah blah blah. And 0:33:45.680 --> 0:33:49.560 Nick didn't remember that moment in time where I felt 0:33:49.680 --> 0:33:53.480 so in love with him. So and he mentioned once 0:33:53.760 --> 0:33:56.240 one part in our relationship where he's like, this is 0:33:56.240 --> 0:33:58.240 where I felt the most connected to you. And I'm like, oh, 0:33:58.360 --> 0:33:59.800 I don't remember that part. And it made me so 0:34:00.120 --> 0:34:03.320 that and that's when we realized we don't value the 0:34:03.480 --> 0:34:08.160 same sort of Um, I can't put my works at 0:34:08.160 --> 0:34:10.440 a moment. Well, that you guys weren't actually connecting with 0:34:10.640 --> 0:34:14.640 each other. We were connecting what we were. Yeah, we 0:34:14.640 --> 0:34:17.080 were connecting with maybe like the I t of like, 0:34:17.360 --> 0:34:19.239 I'm not even the idea that's not even true because 0:34:19.280 --> 0:34:21.080 I was in love with him and I did love 0:34:21.160 --> 0:34:22.839 him and I still care about him, you know, but 0:34:23.239 --> 0:34:27.520 I it was we didn't share the same type of connection. 0:34:28.560 --> 0:34:31.800 Well you're yeah, if you're not gonna value just holding 0:34:31.840 --> 0:34:35.239 my hand in the street. Well, it's interest. That wasn't 0:34:35.239 --> 0:34:38.120 my example, but I think that's. Um. That's when I 0:34:38.120 --> 0:34:40.840 started realizing it's interesting, Like you said, Vanessa that you 0:34:40.920 --> 0:34:42.799 were in love with Nick and he was in love 0:34:42.840 --> 0:34:45.560 with you. You guys developed feelings on the show. Everybody does. 0:34:45.680 --> 0:34:47.799 And then I remember a couple one said this when 0:34:47.800 --> 0:34:49.360 they got off the show. Yes, we're in love with 0:34:49.400 --> 0:34:51.799 each other, but honestly, it felt like that's when we 0:34:51.840 --> 0:34:55.440 started dating, which is so crazy. Do you agree with that? Taylor, 0:34:55.560 --> 0:34:57.399 Like you went on the show, you got engaged, Derek, 0:34:57.440 --> 0:34:59.560 did it feel like after you guys left, was like, yeah, 0:34:59.560 --> 0:35:01.200 we're in love each other, but now it feels like 0:35:01.200 --> 0:35:05.600 we just started dating. Yes, is that? But no, like 0:35:05.640 --> 0:35:07.239 a lot of bachelor couples say that. I think even 0:35:07.280 --> 0:35:08.839 Sean and Katherine said that at one time, where Sean 0:35:08.920 --> 0:35:10.480 was like, yeah, I love with Katherine, but it feels 0:35:10.480 --> 0:35:14.120 like just like now the relationship starts. Even I mean 0:35:14.160 --> 0:35:16.640 even throughout our whole relationship, it's still kind of felt 0:35:16.640 --> 0:35:18.800 like we were waiting to reach that point of like, okay, 0:35:18.920 --> 0:35:21.560 can we start dating, because it still didn't even really 0:35:21.600 --> 0:35:24.719 feel like we were dating, and that was one thing. 0:35:24.760 --> 0:35:28.960 I mean I went back, um not to basically during 0:35:29.000 --> 0:35:31.920 the breakup or right after it was announced. Um, I 0:35:31.960 --> 0:35:34.480 had gone back and rewatched this interview that we did 0:35:34.920 --> 0:35:37.640 um together with and he was like Access Hollywood or 0:35:37.680 --> 0:35:39.959 something it was, and she was asking all these questions 0:35:40.000 --> 0:35:41.360 about like still like I guys gonna move in with 0:35:41.360 --> 0:35:43.759 each other, like what you guys can do? And we 0:35:43.760 --> 0:35:47.520 were so on different pages, and I was like, yeah, 0:35:47.560 --> 0:35:50.080 you know, like I wanna go really slow and like 0:35:50.120 --> 0:35:51.320 I want to have my place and I want my 0:35:51.360 --> 0:35:52.880 man to have his place, and I want to go 0:35:52.920 --> 0:35:55.080 over to my man's place, you know, and like have 0:35:55.160 --> 0:35:57.759 those weekends and like keep the romance alive, developed the 0:35:57.880 --> 0:36:01.080 romance even and like just date each other and even 0:36:01.200 --> 0:36:03.960 doing long distance basically right off the bat, like we 0:36:03.960 --> 0:36:06.759 didn't really actually have that opportunity to like do that 0:36:06.880 --> 0:36:09.440 kind of dating. And so you can call him and 0:36:09.480 --> 0:36:10.800 be like, hey, why don't you come over tonight and 0:36:10.840 --> 0:36:13.239 we'll watch a movie. It's like he's you know, two 0:36:13.280 --> 0:36:18.279 thousand miles away, a little bit more movie, yes, in 0:36:18.280 --> 0:36:22.800 New York. I guess it's a little bit more than two. Um. Yeah, 0:36:22.880 --> 0:36:25.120 I I've always found that very interesting because a lot 0:36:25.160 --> 0:36:26.840 of people, you know, they criticized the show a little bit. 0:36:26.880 --> 0:36:28.440 I'm like, no, the feeling is very real. But you know, 0:36:28.520 --> 0:36:30.520 when you get off the show, that's when the dating 0:36:30.560 --> 0:36:32.719 really starts. And I always feel grateful for the fact 0:36:32.760 --> 0:36:34.840 that Ashley and I kind of went through that a 0:36:34.920 --> 0:36:37.640 little bit before we ended up together, because we did 0:36:37.719 --> 0:36:39.560 have that opportunity to just like hang out and go 0:36:39.600 --> 0:36:42.160 over each other's houses and and create a friendship and 0:36:42.200 --> 0:36:45.439 then turn it into a relationship. And um, um, so 0:36:45.560 --> 0:36:49.040 it's it's it's very interesting. Um. But you know, Taylor, 0:36:49.080 --> 0:36:51.200 you're you're a wonderful champ for coming in and talking 0:36:51.239 --> 0:36:54.160 and opening yourself up about everything. It's not easy. You know, 0:36:54.280 --> 0:36:55.960 we've all been there. We've had to talk about tough 0:36:56.000 --> 0:36:57.839 times and we're not talking about this, are we? No, 0:36:57.880 --> 0:36:59.799 not at all. But I figured that transition a little 0:36:59.800 --> 0:37:02.400 bit maybe a little bit easier conversation having to talk 0:37:02.440 --> 0:37:07.399 about it. You know. I also wanted that I think 0:37:07.400 --> 0:37:10.719 it's important and I said this, I keep saying this, 0:37:11.200 --> 0:37:16.759 It's important to no matter what, no matter how or 0:37:16.840 --> 0:37:20.719 what your relationship when you know, no matter what you 0:37:20.719 --> 0:37:25.160 went through in your relationship, good that ugly said, Um, 0:37:25.200 --> 0:37:29.440 I think it's important to always talk highly of the 0:37:29.480 --> 0:37:33.160 person that you were once with and not hope not 0:37:33.239 --> 0:37:36.840 even just talk highly, but hopefully like actually feel that, 0:37:37.200 --> 0:37:39.080 like you have to be able to see that in 0:37:39.120 --> 0:37:41.960 your partner. It's easy to it's it's easy to just 0:37:42.040 --> 0:37:45.360 sometimes be so angry and upset and be in that 0:37:45.480 --> 0:37:47.600 dark space and you just want to like, you know, 0:37:47.800 --> 0:37:50.879 throw that person umber. But or because something that you're 0:37:50.960 --> 0:37:53.840 feel like agent to you or something that you interpret 0:37:53.920 --> 0:37:56.280 it or whatever it is. And I think it's important 0:37:56.320 --> 0:37:58.560 that to uh, like you said, like to just believe it, 0:37:58.840 --> 0:38:02.000 but also to say it out out. Um, yeah, and 0:38:02.000 --> 0:38:04.799 then there's a great job at that, thank you. Yeah. 0:38:04.840 --> 0:38:06.560 That's something like we talked about a little bit on 0:38:07.520 --> 0:38:09.799 on the episode of my pod that you came on, um, 0:38:09.840 --> 0:38:15.920 talking about breakup, where like throughout my breakup, especially you know, 0:38:16.200 --> 0:38:19.040 leading up to when we were going to publicly announced 0:38:19.080 --> 0:38:22.160 and even when privately it was happening, and just trying 0:38:22.200 --> 0:38:25.520 to like really focus on the positive of our relationship 0:38:25.560 --> 0:38:28.200 and the positives of who he is and like the 0:38:28.200 --> 0:38:30.520 things that I really admired about him and the things 0:38:30.600 --> 0:38:33.719 that you know, we shared together that we enjoyed and 0:38:33.719 --> 0:38:36.080 and it's weird talking about, you know, like the actual 0:38:36.160 --> 0:38:39.919 dating aspect of it, because even there were like there's 0:38:39.920 --> 0:38:42.720 different layers the relationship that you developed, Like on Paradise, 0:38:42.840 --> 0:38:45.160 relationship was very different, and like the feelings that I 0:38:45.160 --> 0:38:46.880 had for him on Paradise were very different than the 0:38:46.880 --> 0:38:49.000 feelings I had for him in real life, and like 0:38:49.239 --> 0:38:52.400 parts of me didn't really feel this strong sense of 0:38:52.440 --> 0:38:55.480 like being in love with him until way after that, 0:38:55.680 --> 0:38:59.239 to way after even the proposal. Even so like for me, 0:38:59.280 --> 0:39:01.279 it's like looking back at all these different stages of 0:39:01.320 --> 0:39:05.799 our relationship and like really trying to remember all of 0:39:05.840 --> 0:39:09.080 those positive things, because it's like you can get so 0:39:09.120 --> 0:39:11.960 wrapped up in in the negative and why this isn't 0:39:11.960 --> 0:39:14.520 working out and how your heart hurts, and so you 0:39:14.560 --> 0:39:16.439 want to make sense of why this is a good 0:39:16.440 --> 0:39:19.160 decision for you, so you focus on the negative, but like, yeah, no, 0:39:19.480 --> 0:39:21.799 this is why, like yeah, this is why this isn't 0:39:21.800 --> 0:39:24.160 a good idea. But it's like, you know, like that's 0:39:24.160 --> 0:39:26.560 someone you shared a lot of things with, and you know, 0:39:26.600 --> 0:39:29.000 you shared your heart with, you shared your soul, and 0:39:29.040 --> 0:39:31.960 you shared your family and your life, and you know, 0:39:32.280 --> 0:39:36.000 I think it's important to like continue to try to 0:39:36.080 --> 0:39:38.640 nurture that. So so when you guys broke up, you 0:39:38.640 --> 0:39:41.120 said you broke up privately obviously, and then the public 0:39:41.840 --> 0:39:46.360 kind of announcement happened. M tough question here, who initiated 0:39:46.400 --> 0:39:50.040 that first conversation of you guys separating privately, of a 0:39:50.120 --> 0:39:52.719 separating private like when you like, who initiated the first 0:39:52.719 --> 0:39:55.040 conversation is like, hey, maybe we should consider breaking up. 0:39:56.080 --> 0:40:00.120 I'm gonna say it was both. However, he was more. 0:40:00.160 --> 0:40:03.120 There were two trips that I had taken out to 0:40:03.120 --> 0:40:06.799 see him in Connecticut, and um, he more took the 0:40:06.840 --> 0:40:09.640 initiative of saying, like, you know, I don't think this 0:40:09.719 --> 0:40:12.120 is right anymore. And I was on the same page, 0:40:12.160 --> 0:40:14.920 but I was too scared and I didn't want to 0:40:14.960 --> 0:40:17.360 let it go. And I'm someone that like really tries 0:40:17.440 --> 0:40:19.919 and wants to, you know, well, let's try this, let's 0:40:19.920 --> 0:40:22.279 try this, let's do this, because I tried to see 0:40:22.280 --> 0:40:24.600 where like, no, it could work, like if maybe we 0:40:24.680 --> 0:40:26.279 just tried these things. I bet it was almost a 0:40:26.320 --> 0:40:31.360 sense of relief when you heard that the third time. 0:40:31.640 --> 0:40:35.680 The third time, so after that second time that I 0:40:35.680 --> 0:40:38.399 was talking about, um, well, I left and we were 0:40:38.440 --> 0:40:40.759 basically like taking space. We're basically on a break kind 0:40:40.760 --> 0:40:44.120 of thing. Um. And then I went back and in 0:40:44.239 --> 0:40:47.080 that trip it got brought up again and I didn't 0:40:47.120 --> 0:40:49.160 fight it, and I was just like let it flow, 0:40:49.360 --> 0:40:51.160 like this is where it's going, Like this is where 0:40:51.560 --> 0:40:53.640 you've wanted it to go. You're just like I don't 0:40:53.680 --> 0:40:55.640 know what's going to happen afterwards, and that part's like 0:40:55.680 --> 0:40:59.840 really scary. So I was just like be present, let 0:41:00.040 --> 0:41:01.640 be this is where it's going to go, and like 0:41:02.080 --> 0:41:05.480 went with it. And then afterwards it was such this 0:41:05.640 --> 0:41:08.560 sense of of relief and like a weird sense of 0:41:08.600 --> 0:41:12.759 like freedom almost, and you know, it was very connecting 0:41:12.920 --> 0:41:16.239 for us, even like I think we connected in a 0:41:16.400 --> 0:41:20.440 very strong way um before I left that trip, because 0:41:20.480 --> 0:41:23.680 it's we did take a second like to look back 0:41:23.880 --> 0:41:28.000 at at our relationship and like where the positives were 0:41:28.040 --> 0:41:30.200 and where we did connect, and so there were I 0:41:30.280 --> 0:41:34.000 think some blurred lines there, but it it was for 0:41:34.080 --> 0:41:36.759 me like a very good sense of like closure of 0:41:36.800 --> 0:41:40.239 like this isn't right and we wish that it could 0:41:40.239 --> 0:41:44.040 have been different, but like I always have love for now. 0:41:44.320 --> 0:41:47.359 Of course, No, I think that's don't you think it's 0:41:47.440 --> 0:41:49.640 kind of silly to how there's so much outside pressure 0:41:50.080 --> 0:41:51.719 to like you almost like feel like you're letting other 0:41:51.719 --> 0:41:54.600 people down. It is there's so many layers to the breakup, 0:41:54.640 --> 0:41:56.520 and that's where like, this has been such a different 0:41:56.520 --> 0:41:59.560 breakup than any breakup my entire life. And that's what 0:41:59.600 --> 0:42:02.880 people can understand is there is an outside influence and 0:42:02.920 --> 0:42:05.600 you try not to let it affect your relationship, either 0:42:05.680 --> 0:42:09.480 positively or negatively, but the fact of the matter, it does. Yeah, 0:42:09.560 --> 0:42:11.600 it's this whole other part of your identity that like 0:42:11.680 --> 0:42:14.400 impacts your day to day life. And a lot of 0:42:14.400 --> 0:42:16.160 people will say, well, that's what you signed up for, 0:42:16.360 --> 0:42:18.160 and it's like, yes, but at the end of the day, 0:42:18.239 --> 0:42:20.160 did I think I was going to get on the show? 0:42:20.239 --> 0:42:22.279 Of course I didn't. And also, just because that's what 0:42:22.320 --> 0:42:23.680 you signed up for, it doesn't mean that it can't 0:42:23.680 --> 0:42:28.759 also be difficult to experience exactly exactly. And I think 0:42:28.800 --> 0:42:31.120 it's also people get to have a perception of who 0:42:31.160 --> 0:42:36.040 you are based of how proceed on the show, um, 0:42:36.080 --> 0:42:38.480 and so they have this idea of you, and if 0:42:38.560 --> 0:42:42.640 they like you, then they'll support you through the through 0:42:42.640 --> 0:42:45.719 the relationships and through the breakup. If they don't like you, 0:42:46.160 --> 0:42:48.560 then you'll get the back blast and you'll get the 0:42:48.640 --> 0:42:51.160 one you'll be the ones whole blame for the relationship 0:42:51.160 --> 0:42:53.080 that's not working out. You know, it's like it's never 0:42:54.040 --> 0:42:55.839 I was asked this when I did the interview for 0:42:56.480 --> 0:43:01.279 a second and Garrett got engage and I'm like, I 0:43:01.360 --> 0:43:04.239 said this in the last and everyone was at the 0:43:04.560 --> 0:43:08.600 a f R that if utal in industry to door a, 0:43:09.000 --> 0:43:14.600 you'll pick people off with you and not only this industry, 0:43:14.600 --> 0:43:17.719 in this life. You know, always have an opinion and 0:43:17.800 --> 0:43:20.440 so to the past. That will make you the happiest 0:43:20.600 --> 0:43:24.120 no matter what people are going to do with you. Yeah, no, 0:43:24.160 --> 0:43:25.759 I agree. You have to do it's best for you, 0:43:26.360 --> 0:43:28.520 um and try to block out all the nights because 0:43:28.560 --> 0:43:31.120 if you listen to everybody's opinion, you're just going to 0:43:31.200 --> 0:43:34.960 tear yourself apart and make matters worse for yourself. Um. So, 0:43:35.280 --> 0:43:37.239 Taylor obviously going through a breakup. There's a lot of 0:43:37.239 --> 0:43:39.240 Pele listeners like we talked about that are going through breakups, 0:43:39.239 --> 0:43:41.560 and we talked a little bit of advice that you 0:43:41.600 --> 0:43:43.319 can give them. But if you could say one thing, 0:43:43.960 --> 0:43:46.080 um to anybody going through a breakup right now, that's 0:43:46.120 --> 0:43:49.920 dealing with heartache or confusion. Um. One piece of advice 0:43:50.000 --> 0:43:52.960 that you've really taken from your experience throughout this, what 0:43:53.040 --> 0:43:57.000 would it be. It's okay to not be okay and 0:43:57.080 --> 0:44:03.239 let yourself be not okay. I feel like I always say, 0:44:03.239 --> 0:44:07.840 like feel all the feelings. Like it's easy to distract 0:44:07.880 --> 0:44:10.360 yourself and you know, jump from one thing to the 0:44:10.400 --> 0:44:12.360 next door to just be a busy bee and distract 0:44:12.360 --> 0:44:16.440 yourself from feeling those painful feelings. Um. But my biggest 0:44:16.480 --> 0:44:20.319 piece of advice going through a breakup, you gotta be 0:44:20.480 --> 0:44:24.960 in it. It's uncomfortable, but like let yourself feel that 0:44:25.080 --> 0:44:27.719 heartache and you'll move through it. Like you don't have 0:44:27.800 --> 0:44:31.440 to project this highlight reel onto social media that you're 0:44:31.480 --> 0:44:34.320 you know doing totally find an awesome and not faded 0:44:34.360 --> 0:44:36.960 by life at all. Um, you know it's okay to 0:44:37.040 --> 0:44:39.480 like show that vulnerable side of you and you know 0:44:40.120 --> 0:44:42.280 say that like, yeah, I am struggling right now because 0:44:42.640 --> 0:44:45.640 this hurts. Yeah. It's so funny that you mentioned social 0:44:45.640 --> 0:44:47.360 media because there's literally a book right in front of 0:44:47.360 --> 0:44:49.520 Dean myself that says how to be as happy as 0:44:49.560 --> 0:44:55.279 you look on social media. Co Um. So Taylor. Tell 0:44:55.360 --> 0:44:56.839 us what you're up to right now? Where you still 0:44:56.840 --> 0:45:01.440 in Seattle? Yeah, so I'm still in Seattle. Seahawks fan. Yeah, 0:45:01.480 --> 0:45:04.160 I'm and Diard Patriots fan. I wouldn't have guessed. I 0:45:04.239 --> 0:45:06.520 know obviously from doing on. I love the Seahawks, though 0:45:06.520 --> 0:45:09.480 I've always loved Russell Wilson. I know your defense falling 0:45:09.520 --> 0:45:10.879 apart a little bit, but we don't have talk about 0:45:10.920 --> 0:45:12.960 that right now. Um, so tell us about what else 0:45:13.000 --> 0:45:14.640 you're up to. You have your podcast, what's going on 0:45:14.680 --> 0:45:17.440 with that? Yeah? So have the podcast recording with some 0:45:17.480 --> 0:45:20.279 people here in Elin now. Um. I was telling Dean 0:45:20.440 --> 0:45:23.120 on the way here that in Seattle, I have my 0:45:23.160 --> 0:45:28.000 first apartment. That's just my apartment, like no roommates, no, 0:45:28.239 --> 0:45:34.839 like boyfriend. Um, that's just me and well and all 0:45:34.840 --> 0:45:39.319 my plants. And it's really great and it feels like 0:45:39.400 --> 0:45:42.600 really good to be back in touch, especially after everything 0:45:42.600 --> 0:45:44.360 with the show. You know, there's this whole like limbo 0:45:44.440 --> 0:45:48.680 state and honestly, am I allowed to swear on here? Yeah? Yeah? 0:45:48.719 --> 0:45:52.279 The show really you up, Like it really picked me up, 0:45:52.440 --> 0:45:56.239 and I got real disconnected from like who I was 0:45:56.400 --> 0:45:59.440 and it I was. I was shook after that first experience. 0:45:59.560 --> 0:46:03.759 So it feels so nice to like just feel like 0:46:03.880 --> 0:46:09.360 Taylor again and you feel like some normalcy to your life. Yeah, 0:46:09.640 --> 0:46:11.799 it feels really good. Do you and Derek still have 0:46:11.840 --> 0:46:14.120 any line of communication at all? Do you guys talk? 0:46:14.360 --> 0:46:17.080 I know you, Hey, you keep staring daggers at me 0:46:17.080 --> 0:46:20.960 a rey single time. That's question. Dar wants talk about football. 0:46:20.960 --> 0:46:22.920 I want to talk about your last We got to 0:46:22.960 --> 0:46:29.520 ask our questions. Is Russell Wiston better than every wronger stuff? Um, 0:46:29.560 --> 0:46:34.760 it's it's uh exclusive to text, and that's very short. 0:46:35.480 --> 0:46:38.720 I still have stuff um in Connecticut that I'm trying 0:46:38.719 --> 0:46:43.600 to get back. Um. So yeah, there's but you're friendly, 0:46:45.200 --> 0:46:53.520 all right, never mind, I try to be friendly. Um. 0:46:53.640 --> 0:46:56.719 And then there's also times where like I feel like no, 0:46:56.920 --> 0:46:59.439 I have to like assert myself and be like no, 0:46:59.480 --> 0:47:02.880 that's not like I think it was. For instance, I 0:47:02.880 --> 0:47:08.000 think every couple goes through for instance, like what I 0:47:08.120 --> 0:47:11.759 just I think this is the hardest thing actually is 0:47:11.760 --> 0:47:16.480 that everyone handles breakups differently. And like I'm someone that 0:47:16.480 --> 0:47:22.560 that wants to still, um depart connected and a lot 0:47:22.560 --> 0:47:25.200 of people need that like disconnect like that just cold, 0:47:25.800 --> 0:47:29.520 They're not cold, the clean cut, clean cut cold cuts 0:47:29.560 --> 0:47:35.200 to a fantastic people. Yeah. I don't block people, but 0:47:35.320 --> 0:47:38.200 I I advocate if you need to. Yeah, and like 0:47:38.239 --> 0:47:40.920 I understand people, like know your boundaries and like for me, 0:47:41.080 --> 0:47:44.000 I still feel like most of my exes, I'm close 0:47:44.040 --> 0:47:47.000 with one of them. I just spoke to uh two 0:47:47.080 --> 0:47:49.720 days ago, and you know, he was like the longest 0:47:49.719 --> 0:47:52.200 relationship I ever had and we lived together. And was it, Nick, 0:47:52.880 --> 0:47:55.680 I'm kidding, Come on, that was a joke. We're all 0:47:55.719 --> 0:48:01.520 friends in here, we go there it is. I was 0:48:01.520 --> 0:48:05.640 waiting for it. Well, no, so I mean it. It's 0:48:05.680 --> 0:48:09.399 just you know, I still want to feel connected and 0:48:09.520 --> 0:48:13.360 want to leave it at least on a friendly you know, 0:48:13.560 --> 0:48:16.279 Like I talked to his mom and his sister and 0:48:16.320 --> 0:48:19.960 I'm like close with them and I think they're wonderful people. Um. 0:48:20.000 --> 0:48:23.799 You know, I don't think he he prefers to not 0:48:24.200 --> 0:48:29.080 speak at all. He he definitely prefers to have no contact. 0:48:29.440 --> 0:48:34.279 Um and and I respect that aside from like I 0:48:34.440 --> 0:48:38.719 just want to my stuff. Of course, logistical things are 0:48:38.760 --> 0:48:40.799 it can be difficult to figure out when you don't 0:48:40.920 --> 0:48:43.200 right before before we move on, Before we move on 0:48:43.239 --> 0:48:46.080 to the final segment, which is emails. One final question 0:48:46.120 --> 0:48:48.960 for you, but everyone's dying to know. Will we ever 0:48:49.040 --> 0:48:56.880 see you on Paradise again? I doubt it, Okay, I 0:48:56.960 --> 0:49:00.160 doubt it. I highly doubt it. You never know where 0:49:00.160 --> 0:49:02.360 you're gonna be any year from now. Yeah, I don't. 0:49:02.440 --> 0:49:04.520 And you know, I don't ever want to like close 0:49:04.560 --> 0:49:06.799 myself off. I put myself like in a box. You know. 0:49:06.960 --> 0:49:11.560 It's definitely an interesting experience. Um. And if the time 0:49:11.640 --> 0:49:14.040 is right in my life, then maybe it's something I'd 0:49:14.040 --> 0:49:16.640 be open to. But you know, if it was like tomorrow, 0:49:16.680 --> 0:49:20.280 I'd be like, no, six or seven months, I'd be shocked. 0:49:20.280 --> 0:49:22.480 If you're not getting a phone call from somebody and 0:49:22.560 --> 0:49:24.120 I drive over here. Is funny enough because Taylor and 0:49:24.160 --> 0:49:27.200 I were just talking discussing our time on Paradise actually 0:49:27.239 --> 0:49:29.120 like the early days of it as well, and how 0:49:29.120 --> 0:49:30.359 we both kind of like sat down and we were 0:49:30.400 --> 0:49:32.800 like talking to each other near the pool or whatever, um, 0:49:32.840 --> 0:49:34.440 and how I was like giving her advice on her 0:49:34.440 --> 0:49:36.440 relationship with Derek, and she was giving me advice on 0:49:36.480 --> 0:49:38.480 my relationship with Christina, And it's just funny like look 0:49:38.520 --> 0:49:41.520 back on that moment and be like, like, I don't know, 0:49:41.560 --> 0:49:42.879 we didn't really know what the heck, we were talking 0:49:42.880 --> 0:49:44.799 about But if you go back to Paradise the second time, 0:49:44.840 --> 0:49:46.240 I mean, I don't know if anyone this room cann't 0:49:46.239 --> 0:49:48.080 test to go into Paradise twice, but I'm sure you 0:49:48.160 --> 0:49:50.960 go in with like maybe a newer like amount of 0:49:51.000 --> 0:49:57.000 knowledge going into it. Yeah, you want to Paradise, of 0:49:57.040 --> 0:49:59.160 course you go into It's probably very similar to your 0:49:59.200 --> 0:50:00.600 experience going to when you're as where you're just a 0:50:00.600 --> 0:50:02.360 little bit more aware. You know, you kind of know 0:50:02.400 --> 0:50:04.360 where you're going in for you know where you're walking 0:50:04.360 --> 0:50:06.960 into the first time you go to Paradise, it's just like, 0:50:07.320 --> 0:50:09.399 you know, unicorns and rainbows. You're like, oh my god, 0:50:09.480 --> 0:50:11.719 it's like Christmas morning. And then I think when you 0:50:11.719 --> 0:50:14.120 go back for a second time, maybe specifically to Paradise, 0:50:14.160 --> 0:50:16.200 you're just a little bit more aware of your surroundings. 0:50:16.239 --> 0:50:18.440 So that would be the only difference. Really. Let's be 0:50:18.480 --> 0:50:25.560 on emails. Let's do emails cool. Who wants to America? Mark? 0:50:25.680 --> 0:50:29.560 I mean, we love you, obviously, but Mark Mark was 0:50:29.560 --> 0:50:33.719 placed on this earth to read emails podcast. Uh he 0:50:34.000 --> 0:50:36.200 decided not to be placed on this earth for that reason. 0:50:36.200 --> 0:50:37.799 I don't know. You can get a very upset text 0:50:38.000 --> 0:50:43.320 vacation thing. He's got a great voice. Yeah, I'm chopped audiobooks, 0:50:43.360 --> 0:50:47.360 that's what. Yeah, thanks Vanessa. Well, we all love you, 0:50:47.560 --> 0:50:51.480 I know, I mean, Okay, anyway, this first email is 0:50:51.480 --> 0:50:53.719 actually really interesting, so I'm excited about it. It's from 0:50:53.800 --> 0:50:58.040 an anonymous sender. Always the best anonymous emails us every week. 0:50:58.120 --> 0:51:01.120 This poor person, I know. Uh there's they said us 0:51:01.120 --> 0:51:05.080 another one later. But dear Dean, Jared and Vanessa and Taylor. 0:51:05.719 --> 0:51:07.880 I'm just an average twenty three year old guy from 0:51:07.960 --> 0:51:10.920 Texas with some not so average dating issues. I recently 0:51:10.920 --> 0:51:13.080 started talking to this girl. She's pretty. She gets along 0:51:13.080 --> 0:51:15.919 with all my friends. It's great. I'm picky with relationships, 0:51:16.000 --> 0:51:19.160 but she checks just about everything off the list. We've 0:51:19.200 --> 0:51:21.360 been talking for a month and see each other quite often. 0:51:21.480 --> 0:51:23.879 I'm planning on making things official. But there's something I've 0:51:23.960 --> 0:51:26.799 been tiptoeing around and haven't told her yet. About two 0:51:26.880 --> 0:51:29.279 years ago, I was talking to a guy who I 0:51:29.400 --> 0:51:31.640 met at the gym. We fooled around a couple of 0:51:31.719 --> 0:51:33.839 times and would hang out on occasion, just to test 0:51:33.880 --> 0:51:36.680 the waters and see how it goes. This only lasted 0:51:36.680 --> 0:51:38.800 two months or so, and I didn't share it with anyone. 0:51:39.200 --> 0:51:41.200 I decided to end things, But I've run into him 0:51:41.239 --> 0:51:42.959 at the gym every once in a blue moon throughout 0:51:43.000 --> 0:51:45.640 the years. We'll talk for maybe five minutes and go 0:51:45.719 --> 0:51:48.319 our separate ways. My question is, should I even tell 0:51:48.400 --> 0:51:51.479 her about this guy? If so, how is this something 0:51:51.560 --> 0:51:53.920 I should have shared from early on? Help? I don't 0:51:53.960 --> 0:51:57.160 want to screw this one up. She's perfect, man. That is. 0:51:59.040 --> 0:52:01.800 There's um like a lot of I think, like shaming 0:52:02.280 --> 0:52:06.280 going on internally with like the fact that he feels 0:52:06.320 --> 0:52:09.600 like this is something that he has to inform her of, 0:52:09.960 --> 0:52:13.360 as if it's like this baggage, that it's this like 0:52:13.520 --> 0:52:18.279 big red flag for him, like it's okay. Society kind 0:52:18.360 --> 0:52:20.200 has to make it feel that way, which is certainly 0:52:20.239 --> 0:52:21.960 a bummer. I don't think it's really something that he 0:52:21.960 --> 0:52:24.520 should share unless it specifically gets brought up in some 0:52:24.640 --> 0:52:26.400 sort of way. Yeah, if it naturally flows with the 0:52:26.400 --> 0:52:28.360 conversation and you can be like, yeah, this this was 0:52:28.400 --> 0:52:30.040 my experience, and this was you know what I like, 0:52:30.200 --> 0:52:32.399 this is what I didn't like, this is what I learned. Um, 0:52:32.840 --> 0:52:37.040 then absolutely you should feel feel you know, empowered and 0:52:37.239 --> 0:52:39.320 confident to share that as you would with if it 0:52:39.400 --> 0:52:42.080 were a woman that you had had an experience with totally. 0:52:42.120 --> 0:52:43.799 I also think they've only been talking for a month 0:52:43.840 --> 0:52:45.440 and there not even official yet, So is it really 0:52:45.520 --> 0:52:47.319 something that needs to be brought up at this moment? 0:52:47.320 --> 0:52:49.600 It seems kind of premature. He's almost like suggesting it 0:52:49.680 --> 0:52:51.319 as like this might be a deal breaker for her, 0:52:51.400 --> 0:52:54.399 so let me let her know ahead of time, But like, yeah, 0:52:54.520 --> 0:52:57.440 I think that's a deal breaker. Then he should have 0:52:57.520 --> 0:52:59.520 been with her, you know. I think the only question 0:52:59.560 --> 0:53:02.120 I would have accept him for who he is? Yeah, 0:53:02.239 --> 0:53:04.800 is he is he? Is he bisexual? I think that 0:53:04.840 --> 0:53:07.120 would be a conversation does he still think about guy? 0:53:07.440 --> 0:53:09.000 Is he like which is actually attracted to guys? Or 0:53:09.040 --> 0:53:10.760 was there one thing? Because that should be a conversation 0:53:10.800 --> 0:53:12.640 you have with your signey thinking O, they're obviously, but 0:53:12.760 --> 0:53:15.160 that's something. It sounds like he hasn't talked to anyone 0:53:15.239 --> 0:53:18.680 about this, So I would say, do some like internal 0:53:18.840 --> 0:53:22.480 reflecting on some of that and talk to someone before 0:53:22.719 --> 0:53:25.640 you talk to her about it, Like find someone else, 0:53:25.680 --> 0:53:28.960 a friend, a family member, whoever, who you trust and 0:53:28.960 --> 0:53:31.720 who you feel comfortable with, and like share in process 0:53:31.800 --> 0:53:35.120 this experience with them and get get a little comfortable 0:53:35.160 --> 0:53:37.080 talking about it exactly. Figure it out on your own 0:53:37.080 --> 0:53:40.560 before you bring it up with somebody else. Yeah, good advice. 0:53:40.960 --> 0:53:43.319 You have very good advice. We should holp you here 0:53:43.360 --> 0:53:49.799 all the time. Yes. Usually it's like all of us, Okay, 0:53:49.880 --> 0:53:52.239 do we feel ready for the next one? Then great. 0:53:53.000 --> 0:53:55.040 This one is titled do I Tell Him? I've been 0:53:55.080 --> 0:53:58.719 in love with him? And it's from Emma, Hi, Danjured, 0:53:58.760 --> 0:54:01.200 and Vanessa and Taylor. I'm twenty one years old and 0:54:01.280 --> 0:54:03.279 have an issue. I basically grew up with this guy. 0:54:03.480 --> 0:54:05.920 We briefly dated in middle school in early high school. 0:54:06.120 --> 0:54:08.160 He's a year older than me. We were very close, 0:54:08.239 --> 0:54:10.560 and I'd consider him my first love, even though we 0:54:10.640 --> 0:54:13.200 were never super serious because of our age at the time. 0:54:13.640 --> 0:54:16.120 He's now graduated and I'm heading into my senior year 0:54:16.160 --> 0:54:18.640 of college. But while he was in college, he got 0:54:18.680 --> 0:54:20.879 a new girlfriend who's my age and they've been dating 0:54:20.960 --> 0:54:23.560 for over a year. I'm happy for him and they 0:54:23.600 --> 0:54:25.560 seem to be serious. But every now and then we're 0:54:25.600 --> 0:54:29.160 in contact in subtle ways, snapchat's happy Birthday, text, commenting 0:54:29.239 --> 0:54:31.800 on relatable stuff, etcetera. I know in my heart I 0:54:31.840 --> 0:54:33.880 will always love him and could even see a future 0:54:33.920 --> 0:54:36.400 with him. I really think he should know this, but 0:54:36.520 --> 0:54:38.560 I don't want to be a home wrecker and step 0:54:38.640 --> 0:54:45.960 on toes in their relationship. Oh god, I mean this 0:54:46.080 --> 0:54:48.680 one is obviously a tough one. I think listen, Emma, 0:54:48.760 --> 0:54:50.160 if you have feelings for this guy that's in a 0:54:50.200 --> 0:54:54.239 relationship and a very serious one, then you should not 0:54:54.400 --> 0:54:57.600 talk to him because he probably doesn't feel the same 0:54:57.640 --> 0:54:59.919 way back and he thinks that he's just staying friend 0:55:00.160 --> 0:55:02.160 with you. If is he sending mixed signals or is 0:55:02.160 --> 0:55:05.279 he leading her on which one? I think neither. I 0:55:05.320 --> 0:55:07.720 don't think it's doing If it's literally like happy birthday 0:55:07.760 --> 0:55:11.800 text and like commenting on relatable stuff, that's kind of 0:55:12.239 --> 0:55:14.839 it's not the best, but it's really not anything red 0:55:14.920 --> 0:55:18.719 flag either. This is this is coming back to my 0:55:18.800 --> 0:55:22.840 first comments. She has an idea of him and what 0:55:23.320 --> 0:55:27.799 receptive being is and the sciences leaves as, oh my god, 0:55:28.120 --> 0:55:32.560 did think that you know the science ares and not 0:55:32.600 --> 0:55:34.440 satistic to leave and he's probably just like yeah, we 0:55:34.920 --> 0:55:40.400 mean more just front presses cresses like I think she 0:55:40.520 --> 0:55:42.839 also it sounds like, Emma, you have a little bit 0:55:42.880 --> 0:55:46.080 of like a story built up about your guys relationship, 0:55:46.239 --> 0:55:49.759 and that maybe it's more of the story that you're 0:55:50.120 --> 0:55:52.000 in love with of you know, he's gonna be in 0:55:52.040 --> 0:55:54.760 the in this relationship and we've dated through middle school 0:55:54.760 --> 0:55:56.560 and all this stuff, and you know that then eventually 0:55:56.560 --> 0:55:58.360 it's going to be the two of you. And he 0:55:58.640 --> 0:56:02.640 could feel similarly, but he needs to like work it 0:56:02.680 --> 0:56:05.120 out throughout his life and come to that on his 0:56:05.200 --> 0:56:06.880 own as well. And if he's in the relationship that 0:56:06.920 --> 0:56:09.520 he's in now, and if you really, you know, truly 0:56:09.600 --> 0:56:12.239 have love for him, then give him the freedom in 0:56:12.280 --> 0:56:16.400 the space to experience that. And I think, um, there 0:56:16.520 --> 0:56:19.400 was another point that I wanted to say. It sounds 0:56:19.400 --> 0:56:21.359 like my best friend's wedding. That's exactly what it sounds 0:56:21.400 --> 0:56:23.719 like to me, Like she's being the friend that she's 0:56:23.719 --> 0:56:26.040 actually in love with this guy when he's dating someone else, 0:56:26.160 --> 0:56:29.000 and she just withholds it for her entire life while 0:56:29.040 --> 0:56:32.440 still being like the friend and staying there. Um. I mean, 0:56:32.480 --> 0:56:33.520 at some point it's got to go on one of 0:56:33.560 --> 0:56:36.120 two directions. Yeah, I was. My other thought was like, 0:56:36.719 --> 0:56:38.839 why think about why you would want to tell him? 0:56:39.040 --> 0:56:42.799 And it's my guests because from similar situations with friends 0:56:42.840 --> 0:56:45.640 that I've experienced that like, you're you're almost kind of 0:56:45.680 --> 0:56:48.280 searching for the sense of validation that he also feels 0:56:48.320 --> 0:56:51.520 the same way and like yearning for that connection. And 0:56:51.719 --> 0:56:53.959 so I would like ask yourself, like, well, why would 0:56:54.000 --> 0:56:57.960 I tell him? Like it would bring more Yeah, exactly, 0:56:58.200 --> 0:57:00.359 like if he's already in this place, like let him 0:57:00.360 --> 0:57:02.040 be in that place, and if if it's if it's 0:57:02.040 --> 0:57:04.480 supposed to work out, you know, then hopefully it will 0:57:04.560 --> 0:57:06.759 one day. But also, to use some buzzwords that we've 0:57:06.840 --> 0:57:08.840 used on this podcast before, it sounds like, if she 0:57:08.960 --> 0:57:10.880 really has these feelings for him, it could almost be 0:57:10.920 --> 0:57:12.719 beneficial to put them out of the table and then 0:57:12.760 --> 0:57:14.000 that way you can be like, look, I have I 0:57:14.080 --> 0:57:16.800 feel this way for you, and because of that, I 0:57:16.880 --> 0:57:19.560 can't receive snapchats from you anymore. I can't get birthday 0:57:19.560 --> 0:57:22.800 wishes from you anymore, like bread coming, benching, whatever the 0:57:22.880 --> 0:57:25.080 heck it is. So I think that there's I think 0:57:25.080 --> 0:57:27.720 it would be important and beneficial maybe to put it 0:57:27.800 --> 0:57:29.640 out there and just kind of severtize if that's what 0:57:29.720 --> 0:57:33.840 it would I was just gonna say, I think there's 0:57:33.840 --> 0:57:35.840 a way you could go about it. And I think 0:57:36.000 --> 0:57:38.000 just coming out and being like, hey, I'm in love 0:57:38.080 --> 0:57:41.080 with you, um wouldn't be the best. But I think 0:57:41.120 --> 0:57:43.720 if you like started a conversation of like, hey, you know, 0:57:43.920 --> 0:57:46.200 like I'm I was just curious and like thinking back 0:57:46.280 --> 0:57:48.440 to you know, back to middle school or back to 0:57:48.520 --> 0:57:50.360 high school, whatever, and you know, I'm really happy for 0:57:50.400 --> 0:57:51.880 you that you're in the relationship, and I'm just curious, 0:57:51.920 --> 0:57:55.280 like if you've ever had feelings for me in the 0:57:55.600 --> 0:57:59.200 you know, recent past, Like if you've ever thought about that, 0:57:59.520 --> 0:58:02.240 Like he's gonna say, yeah, guaranteed. I just can't help 0:58:02.320 --> 0:58:04.720 but think of also the girlfriend in this situation, and 0:58:04.760 --> 0:58:07.640 how unfair would have her where I think it might 0:58:07.720 --> 0:58:09.680 be best just to sever tise with him, and like 0:58:09.840 --> 0:58:11.480 if it comes to a point where you don't talk 0:58:11.480 --> 0:58:13.120 to him for six months and he's just losing his 0:58:13.240 --> 0:58:16.040 mind because he can't live without you, that's obviously a 0:58:16.080 --> 0:58:19.360 big sign. But if you severtise, you guys never talk again, 0:58:19.400 --> 0:58:21.520 then obviously wasn't meant to be so. Or what if 0:58:21.600 --> 0:58:23.440 she what if she breaks them up? They get together 0:58:23.480 --> 0:58:25.720 and then they break up. That would be the worst. 0:58:26.280 --> 0:58:28.720 That's the worst case that everyone everyone loses. Thank you 0:58:28.760 --> 0:58:31.280 for filling the air with activity, But I will get 0:58:31.280 --> 0:58:32.800 some clarity and be like, Okay, I guess it wasn't 0:58:32.840 --> 0:58:34.440 my person. I don't know. I'm what kind of wins 0:58:34.480 --> 0:58:36.959 in that situation? A little bit, A little bit. Everybody wins. 0:58:37.080 --> 0:58:39.560 Emma wins in that situation she because then she has 0:58:39.640 --> 0:58:42.040 peace of mind and clarity of mind, knowing like, Okay, 0:58:42.200 --> 0:58:45.760 we tried, it didn't work out. Sorry about that worked 0:58:45.800 --> 0:58:48.920 out for everybody? Um, yeah, I know it's tough. I 0:58:48.960 --> 0:58:51.200 think just severtise. I don't think you need to be 0:58:51.320 --> 0:58:54.920 with anyone you dated in middle school personally. I mean sometimes, okay, 0:58:55.560 --> 0:59:00.600 experience middle schools. It's part of this story, and I 0:59:00.680 --> 0:59:05.520 think we like romanticize that a little bit. Yeah, yeah, 0:59:05.560 --> 0:59:08.520 we all want to be them, but exactly. Yeah, okay, 0:59:08.680 --> 0:59:10.720 I keep saying this in every light. Every time we 0:59:10.760 --> 0:59:14.680 get an email from a younger listener, I'm like, you know, yeah, 0:59:14.920 --> 0:59:18.840 when I remember when we had my middle school girlfriend 0:59:18.880 --> 0:59:21.400 on the podcast as a guest, Carmel. She was my 0:59:21.480 --> 0:59:24.920 high school girlfriend. I did a girl named Carmel. It 0:59:25.000 --> 0:59:28.480 wasn't that weird, No, it is weird. I don't think 0:59:28.480 --> 0:59:32.400 I've ever met anyone with her. Her sister's name was River. 0:59:32.680 --> 0:59:36.320 They were an interesting family. But I was gonna say 0:59:36.560 --> 0:59:39.120 we had my middle school girlfriend from fifth and sixth grade, Zoe. 0:59:39.960 --> 0:59:41.600 I would never date her again, not because she's not 0:59:41.640 --> 0:59:44.720 a great girl. You're just different people. We've grown apart. Yeah, 0:59:45.200 --> 0:59:47.400 I don't know. I would maybe date my first kiss. 0:59:47.920 --> 0:59:53.880 Oh we need to get this guy on the podcast. No, 0:59:55.000 --> 0:59:57.080 just like he's like a really great guy. I'm like, 0:59:57.160 --> 0:59:59.040 I'm proud that you were my first kiss. Like I'm 0:59:59.240 --> 1:00:02.920 probably you are, like, I'm I'm glad. It's really sweet. 1:00:03.560 --> 1:00:09.320 Have you re introduced yourself into dating world? Yeah, alright, 1:00:12.280 --> 1:00:15.880 I'm sure. I'm sure Vans is an advocate for that, 1:00:16.000 --> 1:00:17.520 Like she says, you know, you need to date to 1:00:17.560 --> 1:00:18.800 be able to move on and get pasting all that 1:00:18.840 --> 1:00:20.400 kind of stuff. So well, and I think, like for me, 1:00:20.880 --> 1:00:24.320 it's not even like yeah, I just said it five 1:00:24.360 --> 1:00:26.040 minutes ago. You're like, like I always say, just do, 1:00:30.080 --> 1:00:32.520 but no, I think like, for me, I learned a 1:00:32.600 --> 1:00:35.720 lot about myself through other people, through my interactions with people, 1:00:35.800 --> 1:00:38.040 Like when I'm on a date, like I'm reflecting on 1:00:38.160 --> 1:00:40.120 like who this person is, what are they bringing out 1:00:40.160 --> 1:00:43.480 in me? What are they projecting onto me? How am 1:00:43.520 --> 1:00:47.000 I seeing myself through who they see me? As? Like 1:00:47.080 --> 1:00:49.640 I'm doing all of this like internal work while also 1:00:49.920 --> 1:00:53.840 balancing like being present. But you you learned so much, 1:00:53.920 --> 1:00:57.440 like when you're actively engaged in dating, you can learn 1:00:57.560 --> 1:01:00.320 so much about yourself and like and something. And that's 1:01:00.360 --> 1:01:02.720 like a little uncomfortable because you're putting yourself out there 1:01:02.760 --> 1:01:06.200 and being vulnerable, but it's also can be really exciting, 1:01:06.360 --> 1:01:08.360 like to lean into so as long as you're not 1:01:08.360 --> 1:01:12.800 on TV doing it. So you're saying, the best atmosphere 1:01:12.880 --> 1:01:16.560 for you would be Paradise. Well that's the thing. Like 1:01:16.640 --> 1:01:20.760 I was talking Um actually shortly after the announcement demo 1:01:20.960 --> 1:01:23.720 to Mario. Um had sent me just like the sweetest 1:01:23.800 --> 1:01:26.280 voice message and literally had me crying, and he was 1:01:26.400 --> 1:01:29.240 just like, yeah, hey, like when you were on the beach, 1:01:29.320 --> 1:01:31.800 like let me tell you, like every guy there like 1:01:32.000 --> 1:01:33.960 was interested in you and like you have you are 1:01:34.040 --> 1:01:37.360 such an amazing, incredible woman like and was just really 1:01:37.680 --> 1:01:40.200 the best like hype man I've ever had. I was 1:01:40.240 --> 1:01:43.120 just so supportive of like go out there, like you 1:01:43.200 --> 1:01:45.280 are so wonderful and you bring so much to the table. 1:01:45.280 --> 1:01:47.080 And so you guys, you guys had a demo and 1:01:47.200 --> 1:01:49.920 Adilo on Paradise last year and a Dino and a 1:01:50.040 --> 1:01:53.000 Dino you know Dil and Demo. That would be a 1:01:53.040 --> 1:01:56.760 great love tri um. So what's next? Whatnother? One more email? 1:01:56.920 --> 1:02:00.600 One more email, also from anonymous, and this is called 1:02:00.880 --> 1:02:05.080 Jared and Ashley situation. So Hi Dean, Vanessa and Jared 1:02:05.120 --> 1:02:07.680 and Taylor. I'm coming at you with a situation that's 1:02:07.680 --> 1:02:10.520 similar to Jared and Ashley's, minus the whole TV show 1:02:10.600 --> 1:02:12.760 aspect of course. In high school, I worked with this 1:02:12.840 --> 1:02:14.840 guy for two years and we've always had an awkward 1:02:14.880 --> 1:02:17.480 but good chemistry and have been good friends. Our co 1:02:17.600 --> 1:02:19.640 workers would make comments to us about liking each other, 1:02:19.720 --> 1:02:21.760 and we went on one date. It was good, but 1:02:21.880 --> 1:02:23.840 we both had to go separate ways pretty soon after 1:02:23.920 --> 1:02:26.760 when we started college. I still have feelings for him 1:02:26.840 --> 1:02:28.800 and care about him, but it's never held me back 1:02:28.880 --> 1:02:31.200 from seeing other people. Fast forward to a couple of 1:02:31.240 --> 1:02:33.200 months ago. We had a work party that we both 1:02:33.200 --> 1:02:36.680 attended and we ended up hooking up. We still talk sometimes, 1:02:36.720 --> 1:02:38.760 but I think he may be back with his girlfriend now. 1:02:39.160 --> 1:02:41.320 It's always so natural when we talk, and I feel 1:02:41.320 --> 1:02:44.840 like there's still some potential they're worth pursuing. I really 1:02:44.880 --> 1:02:46.760 care about him and think there's something, but I want 1:02:46.800 --> 1:02:49.200 to know if I'm holding onto something that doesn't even exist. 1:02:49.600 --> 1:02:51.600 What would you guys do in this situation? Help by 1:02:51.600 --> 1:02:54.520 secondating on start dating other people? Yes, I agree. I 1:02:54.560 --> 1:02:56.320 also love to preface this. I don't think I have 1:02:56.680 --> 1:03:00.880 I don't think that's similar to model her mom. It 1:03:01.040 --> 1:03:05.120 was like long time coming. That could make sense. Um, 1:03:05.200 --> 1:03:07.560 so you guys hooked up only a couple of months ago, 1:03:07.720 --> 1:03:10.280 and now it might he might be dating his ex girlfriend. 1:03:10.360 --> 1:03:12.400 She's reading so much into it, and she's just clinging 1:03:12.440 --> 1:03:18.080 onto something that's not agree. It's not even that, this 1:03:18.160 --> 1:03:21.840 isn't even a hard one. You just need you need 1:03:21.920 --> 1:03:23.680 to forget about it. Yeah, I think you got to 1:03:23.760 --> 1:03:26.160 move on from this guy. It's just it was a 1:03:26.240 --> 1:03:28.760 one time thing. It sounds like. See, I'm like, are 1:03:28.840 --> 1:03:31.840 we sure he's back with his girlfriend? I think that 1:03:32.000 --> 1:03:34.160 if the universe is meant to bring them together, it will. 1:03:34.360 --> 1:03:36.320 It did at this work party. Okay, well, if it's 1:03:36.360 --> 1:03:39.040 not to bring them back together, it will. But clearly 1:03:39.440 --> 1:03:41.919 something's not clicking, and because of that, she just needs 1:03:41.960 --> 1:03:43.840 to freaking move on to the next thing. Just because 1:03:44.280 --> 1:03:46.280 it feels raw and real and right doesn't mean that 1:03:46.320 --> 1:03:48.200 you're not going to get that feeling and experience with 1:03:48.280 --> 1:03:51.840 someone else tomorrow. I mean, listen that you guys dig 1:03:52.640 --> 1:03:54.919 the universe brought you back together when you guys hooked 1:03:55.000 --> 1:03:57.440 up and Dart stopped giving her false hope. Know what 1:03:57.480 --> 1:04:01.200 I'm saying, Keep doing what you're saying, keep saying he 1:04:01.760 --> 1:04:04.680 keep going there. Uh, And so I think at this point, yeah, 1:04:04.720 --> 1:04:06.720 it's probably best if you move on and not think 1:04:06.720 --> 1:04:09.320 about this guy, not stalk, you know, because obviously if 1:04:09.360 --> 1:04:10.840 you think he's back with his ex girlfriend, you might 1:04:10.880 --> 1:04:12.960 be looking on his Instagram a little bit, you know. 1:04:13.040 --> 1:04:14.880 And it's it's funny too, in these situations, when we 1:04:15.040 --> 1:04:17.040 know so little about someone that we're interested in, we're 1:04:17.080 --> 1:04:19.040 able to fill in the gaps and like the holes 1:04:19.120 --> 1:04:20.720 of who we think they are and who we want 1:04:20.760 --> 1:04:22.439 them to be, and like all we do is build 1:04:22.480 --> 1:04:23.600 them up and build them up and there, like oh 1:04:23.680 --> 1:04:24.760 this guy is this, this and this, and like the 1:04:24.800 --> 1:04:26.000 more you get to know them, the more they fill 1:04:26.080 --> 1:04:29.560 up themselves and the less interested you become. Totally, just 1:04:29.640 --> 1:04:33.480 move on, Dean. You shouldn't know what the hell pac 1:04:33.600 --> 1:04:37.160 Man interesting? Alright. Anyways, that'll do it for this episode 1:04:37.160 --> 1:04:40.120 of Help I suck at daily. On that note, um, 1:04:40.520 --> 1:04:44.120 big Thank you to Lionel Richie for the stud in 1:04:44.200 --> 1:04:45.800 Las Vegas. Be sure to check them out. All the 1:04:45.840 --> 1:04:48.560 hits Las Vegas residency will be there in October, but 1:04:48.640 --> 1:04:51.120 he has tickets for August and October available. Go check 1:04:51.160 --> 1:04:52.440 him out. We're gonna have to go check him out. 1:04:52.440 --> 1:04:54.400 Big thank you to Taylor Nolan for being in studio 1:04:54.440 --> 1:04:56.320 with us today. Yeah, no, thank you so much for 1:04:56.360 --> 1:04:59.120 coming in opening up. Be sure to check out her podcast, 1:04:59.200 --> 1:05:01.400 Let's talk about It. She's probably gonna have some pretty 1:05:01.400 --> 1:05:03.480 great guests here pretty soon. You know, she's in l A. 1:05:03.600 --> 1:05:05.040 She's got a lot of friends that live here, and 1:05:05.200 --> 1:05:08.760 you're gonna come on, Oh, I'm gonna be on wondering 1:05:08.840 --> 1:05:14.160 where this is going. Be sure to check it out. Um, 1:05:14.280 --> 1:05:16.560 and obviously always thank you to East America and Vanessa 1:05:16.640 --> 1:05:18.800 for calling in. You're in New York right now? Vanessa, right, 1:05:19.840 --> 1:05:21.800 I'm in New York. Yeah, Well, have fun out there. 1:05:21.840 --> 1:05:24.280 We hope to see in studio pretty soon. And um, 1:05:24.800 --> 1:05:26.720 thank you everyone for listening to this week's episode of 1:05:26.760 --> 1:05:28.560 Help I Suck At Dating. Maybe next week we'll suck 1:05:28.560 --> 1:05:31.640 a little bit less. Follow help by Suck at Dating 1:05:31.720 --> 1:05:34.480 with Dean, Vanessa and Jared on I Heart Radio or 1:05:34.560 --> 1:05:36.040 wherever you listen to podcast