1 00:00:00,040 --> 00:00:07,400 Speaker 1: All right, you want to start this podcast now? Oh yeah, Scott, 2 00:00:07,400 --> 00:00:08,000 Speaker 1: you ready for him? 3 00:00:08,160 --> 00:00:12,320 Speaker 2: I'm ready to laugh and laugh and love. 4 00:00:13,800 --> 00:00:18,480 Speaker 1: Here it is okay, Baltimore man falls into Mount Vesuvius 5 00:00:18,600 --> 00:00:20,239 Speaker 1: after dropping cell phone. 6 00:00:22,239 --> 00:00:25,279 Speaker 2: Well, yes we can wring a ling ling it's a 7 00:00:25,280 --> 00:00:31,520 Speaker 2: brand new episode. Up, bananas, throw everything. 8 00:00:34,159 --> 00:00:55,720 Speaker 1: Would you tell your life your sillion pieces? Guys, cows 9 00:00:55,760 --> 00:00:58,480 Speaker 1: are non binary pals. Welcome to Welcome to. 10 00:01:00,360 --> 00:01:08,120 Speaker 2: Got that Beppen New York Bellhouse. Baby, good crowd, really 11 00:01:08,120 --> 00:01:10,880 Speaker 2: good crowd. We do have our best in the beers 12 00:01:10,880 --> 00:01:13,560 Speaker 2: and it's for sale for four dollars. 13 00:01:14,880 --> 00:01:17,520 Speaker 1: How awesome are these beers? The beer is good too. 14 00:01:18,319 --> 00:01:20,840 Speaker 2: Do we like it? We like it. I'm gonna switch 15 00:01:20,880 --> 00:01:22,040 Speaker 2: over to that myself. 16 00:01:22,080 --> 00:01:24,680 Speaker 1: We give it a cute twin elephant brewing. 17 00:01:25,000 --> 00:01:28,320 Speaker 2: Twin elephant brewing. Thank you for making one dumb man's 18 00:01:28,400 --> 00:01:34,199 Speaker 2: dream come true. Oh great, crowd, warmed up. Feels good, 19 00:01:34,800 --> 00:01:38,080 Speaker 2: This feels good. It's a bit of a homecoming show. 20 00:01:38,200 --> 00:01:40,240 Speaker 2: We just did a show in Asbury Park, which is 21 00:01:40,280 --> 00:01:42,560 Speaker 2: really a hometown show for Kurtie b Oh. I'm not 22 00:01:42,560 --> 00:01:46,600 Speaker 2: gonna turn my back. He's from there. And after the 23 00:01:46,640 --> 00:01:49,760 Speaker 2: show we went and grabbed drinks and then we were 24 00:01:49,800 --> 00:01:53,360 Speaker 2: at a cool little underground bar having cocktails, and we 25 00:01:53,440 --> 00:01:56,080 Speaker 2: went to get food at another bar, and the entire 26 00:01:56,160 --> 00:01:58,639 Speaker 2: time we were there, Kurt kept coming over and saying, 27 00:01:59,040 --> 00:02:01,760 Speaker 2: this is not hers Asbury Park. This bar sucks. I 28 00:02:01,800 --> 00:02:04,880 Speaker 2: fucking hate this bar. Don't consider this a good bar. 29 00:02:05,080 --> 00:02:10,240 Speaker 1: Asbury Park is the coolest place in the world. Okay, okay, 30 00:02:10,400 --> 00:02:16,560 Speaker 1: if you're in New Jersey, okay, okay. And I we 31 00:02:16,760 --> 00:02:19,520 Speaker 1: I brought us to by accident, brought us to a 32 00:02:19,560 --> 00:02:22,959 Speaker 1: bar that felt like we had been moved to the 33 00:02:23,120 --> 00:02:24,639 Speaker 1: Dayton Airport sec. 34 00:02:25,720 --> 00:02:25,960 Speaker 2: Five. 35 00:02:26,160 --> 00:02:30,160 Speaker 1: Yes, it was horrible. It was the definition of depression. 36 00:02:30,240 --> 00:02:35,040 Speaker 1: And I got so angry. This study's only night to 37 00:02:35,160 --> 00:02:38,280 Speaker 1: experience the beauty of Asberry Park. 38 00:02:38,440 --> 00:02:39,800 Speaker 2: It had its moments. 39 00:02:40,320 --> 00:02:42,840 Speaker 1: It was I was I was just going, you don't 40 00:02:42,880 --> 00:02:43,480 Speaker 1: remember that. 41 00:02:43,680 --> 00:02:45,640 Speaker 2: He was like, don't remember this. I'm like, it's hard 42 00:02:45,639 --> 00:02:48,400 Speaker 2: to do. It's hard to not remember something while you're 43 00:02:48,400 --> 00:02:51,640 Speaker 2: eating chicken fingers, like it's happening right now. 44 00:02:51,760 --> 00:02:53,440 Speaker 1: I hate it absolutely every single day. 45 00:02:53,480 --> 00:02:55,200 Speaker 2: It was so funny. There was a guy next to 46 00:02:55,200 --> 00:02:57,160 Speaker 2: me on a date and when the woman he was 47 00:02:57,160 --> 00:02:59,280 Speaker 2: with her speaking, he would laugh and smile and as 48 00:02:59,280 --> 00:03:01,240 Speaker 2: soon as she was done and it would just go blank. 49 00:03:01,320 --> 00:03:03,720 Speaker 1: He would just be like, I know you're talking about. 50 00:03:04,600 --> 00:03:07,079 Speaker 1: Was that the guy who was like really deepy and 51 00:03:07,120 --> 00:03:09,840 Speaker 1: he had Jersey in a script here? 52 00:03:09,960 --> 00:03:12,320 Speaker 2: It's a good look, that's what you want. 53 00:03:12,720 --> 00:03:15,720 Speaker 1: And I was just like, this guy, if you've never 54 00:03:15,800 --> 00:03:19,880 Speaker 1: left Jersey, why do you need a reminder? Yes that 55 00:03:19,960 --> 00:03:21,720 Speaker 1: you're still in jury? Where am I? 56 00:03:21,960 --> 00:03:26,000 Speaker 2: Oh we're yeah, just flying a kite on the beach. 57 00:03:26,120 --> 00:03:27,640 Speaker 2: But also there should just be a dating app at 58 00:03:27,639 --> 00:03:29,919 Speaker 2: this point called red Flags, which is like I've done 59 00:03:30,000 --> 00:03:32,640 Speaker 2: them all. Just give me somebody that has every red 60 00:03:32,680 --> 00:03:35,160 Speaker 2: flag and I'm going to meet that person at a bar, 61 00:03:35,800 --> 00:03:38,640 Speaker 2: Kurt's least favorite bar, and he's going to go ha. 62 00:03:41,160 --> 00:03:45,000 Speaker 2: It was so bizarre, great bar, best time of my life. 63 00:03:45,160 --> 00:03:47,640 Speaker 1: I love this place though Bellhouse is the one of 64 00:03:47,680 --> 00:03:48,080 Speaker 1: the best. 65 00:03:47,960 --> 00:03:49,960 Speaker 2: Rock the rules. Glad to be back. 66 00:03:50,440 --> 00:03:58,000 Speaker 1: I met my wife here that I think eleven or 67 00:03:58,040 --> 00:04:02,920 Speaker 1: twelve years ago. What what that was that crazy something? 68 00:04:03,080 --> 00:04:05,880 Speaker 1: Something happened over here that I thought we liked a 69 00:04:05,880 --> 00:04:09,640 Speaker 1: fan guy start Like I said, it definitely sounded like 70 00:04:09,680 --> 00:04:13,040 Speaker 1: an air, like a helicopter was landing or something. It 71 00:04:13,080 --> 00:04:14,600 Speaker 1: was alarming, but you just keep doing it. 72 00:04:14,680 --> 00:04:17,960 Speaker 2: Yeah, you're very welcome to do that the rhythm section. 73 00:04:17,920 --> 00:04:20,279 Speaker 1: I saw, I saw him went there was a Yola 74 00:04:20,360 --> 00:04:27,720 Speaker 1: tango concert here and yeah, And I was walking right 75 00:04:27,760 --> 00:04:30,400 Speaker 1: between this section and the barn. She was opening the 76 00:04:30,440 --> 00:04:33,919 Speaker 1: door and she was wearing a like a top that 77 00:04:34,240 --> 00:04:41,880 Speaker 1: was like two coconuts with tiny seashells where the cute. 78 00:04:42,120 --> 00:04:50,800 Speaker 1: And I said, that's cool. Where'd you get that? And 79 00:04:50,960 --> 00:04:53,320 Speaker 1: I said, I said like, I said, like, I like 80 00:04:53,360 --> 00:04:55,240 Speaker 1: your top or something like said something that looked like 81 00:04:55,279 --> 00:04:58,080 Speaker 1: the do you remember fruit stripe? The gum. It tasted 82 00:04:58,120 --> 00:05:00,479 Speaker 1: like juice and fruit and it looked like the fruit 83 00:05:00,480 --> 00:05:02,880 Speaker 1: stripe grum. And I think I said something along those lines. 84 00:05:03,080 --> 00:05:05,440 Speaker 1: And then we just started talking and I think I 85 00:05:05,520 --> 00:05:08,680 Speaker 1: bought you? Did I buy you a drink at the bar? Probably? Yeah. 86 00:05:08,880 --> 00:05:12,520 Speaker 2: Way she likes to don't look at her. 87 00:05:14,560 --> 00:05:17,360 Speaker 1: She wants to be anonymous. She had she has a 88 00:05:17,400 --> 00:05:18,599 Speaker 1: bright light on her face. 89 00:05:20,080 --> 00:05:21,320 Speaker 2: I found her really quick. 90 00:05:21,560 --> 00:05:23,560 Speaker 1: Can we turn the lights off in the audience. 91 00:05:23,560 --> 00:05:28,000 Speaker 2: We're glad you're here. 92 00:05:28,279 --> 00:05:30,920 Speaker 1: We are glad you're here. Uh. And then I found 93 00:05:30,960 --> 00:05:33,839 Speaker 1: out she was on a date with another comedian at. 94 00:05:33,640 --> 00:05:36,400 Speaker 2: This show boring. 95 00:05:36,720 --> 00:05:39,400 Speaker 1: But as she left with that said comedian, so she 96 00:05:39,440 --> 00:05:41,719 Speaker 1: talked to me for maybe five minutes, that's all it takes. 97 00:05:41,920 --> 00:05:43,960 Speaker 1: Went back to the date and I was very drunk 98 00:05:44,040 --> 00:05:50,360 Speaker 1: outside smoking cigarettes like I used to doo, smoking cigarettes 99 00:05:50,360 --> 00:05:53,840 Speaker 1: with Eugene Murphin Murrman and my friend what somebody say 100 00:05:53,920 --> 00:05:58,520 Speaker 1: something but Eugene Murphman. We were drinking backstage and my 101 00:05:58,560 --> 00:06:01,479 Speaker 1: friend Chris Hoslet and she got into a car with 102 00:06:01,560 --> 00:06:04,359 Speaker 1: said comedian, and then I just said, there goes. 103 00:06:05,880 --> 00:06:10,240 Speaker 2: I mean, come on, swear to god, I never heard 104 00:06:10,279 --> 00:06:11,120 Speaker 2: him say that before. 105 00:06:11,320 --> 00:06:11,680 Speaker 1: Thank you. 106 00:06:12,000 --> 00:06:12,960 Speaker 2: I wasn't there. 107 00:06:14,560 --> 00:06:15,200 Speaker 1: And I did. 108 00:06:15,320 --> 00:06:17,160 Speaker 2: And then you did. You had followed through. You're like 109 00:06:17,200 --> 00:06:21,400 Speaker 2: Warren Baty in a net bending He said the same 110 00:06:21,440 --> 00:06:22,000 Speaker 2: thing to her. 111 00:06:22,400 --> 00:06:25,680 Speaker 1: Wait, Warren Baty, Really, I think they're married. I love it. 112 00:06:25,880 --> 00:06:27,440 Speaker 1: I don't think Warren Baty is alive. 113 00:06:28,080 --> 00:06:31,760 Speaker 2: Dick Tracy, Yeah, I know who he is. He's alive. 114 00:06:32,440 --> 00:06:35,600 Speaker 1: Nope, Warren Baty is alive. 115 00:06:35,520 --> 00:06:36,359 Speaker 2: Now he is? 116 00:06:37,560 --> 00:06:37,839 Speaker 1: What? 117 00:06:39,200 --> 00:06:43,120 Speaker 2: No, We're just gonna call this live from Brooklyn. Warren 118 00:06:43,200 --> 00:06:47,159 Speaker 2: Baty is dead, but he's definitely alive. 119 00:06:47,200 --> 00:06:52,200 Speaker 1: Are you fucking kiddy? Look? I don't know anything. Can 120 00:06:52,200 --> 00:06:55,480 Speaker 1: we google it? We will remain as a cat in 121 00:06:55,520 --> 00:06:59,640 Speaker 1: a box. Warren Baby dead and alive until someone opens 122 00:06:59,680 --> 00:07:01,640 Speaker 1: that door. We're in Google's a four US. 123 00:07:02,320 --> 00:07:06,880 Speaker 2: That's right. He fell into Mount Vesuvian. I cannot believe it, 124 00:07:07,200 --> 00:07:10,720 Speaker 2: trying to take a selfie with a net on their anniversary. 125 00:07:10,840 --> 00:07:14,880 Speaker 1: Also, by the way, okay, being in New York City, Yes, 126 00:07:15,200 --> 00:07:17,160 Speaker 1: my wife and I are here with our two children, 127 00:07:17,200 --> 00:07:22,520 Speaker 1: five and two, and I do not understand, yes, how 128 00:07:22,680 --> 00:07:27,040 Speaker 1: any human being has a child in New York City 129 00:07:27,240 --> 00:07:30,880 Speaker 1: or at all, or at all it is is a 130 00:07:31,440 --> 00:07:40,720 Speaker 1: cissus Sissyphian for an effort to do anything, to do anything. 131 00:07:41,040 --> 00:07:43,200 Speaker 1: We're at a third floor walk up. We have the 132 00:07:43,320 --> 00:07:49,120 Speaker 1: shittiest stroller in the world. It's nine thousand degrees. Yeah, 133 00:07:49,680 --> 00:07:51,720 Speaker 1: it's just hot, wet socks. 134 00:07:52,920 --> 00:07:53,200 Speaker 2: Cool. 135 00:07:53,480 --> 00:07:55,640 Speaker 1: We got on the subway today and it was just 136 00:07:55,800 --> 00:07:57,760 Speaker 1: like first his fault. It's very difficult to get down 137 00:07:57,760 --> 00:07:59,679 Speaker 1: the stairs. You got to take both kids out. Lauren's 138 00:07:59,680 --> 00:08:02,160 Speaker 1: carrying one child holding the other child's hand. I'm carrying 139 00:08:02,240 --> 00:08:04,560 Speaker 1: this terrible and then we get down and then it's 140 00:08:04,600 --> 00:08:06,880 Speaker 1: like get in the fucking things like good, bop, you go, 141 00:08:07,080 --> 00:08:09,720 Speaker 1: you go crawl onder, crawl on her, and then like babe, 142 00:08:09,720 --> 00:08:12,560 Speaker 1: and then like get the door, get the door, and 143 00:08:12,680 --> 00:08:14,080 Speaker 1: like get the door and then to fucking get it, 144 00:08:14,200 --> 00:08:16,240 Speaker 1: and then there's just a dude on the platform going 145 00:08:16,560 --> 00:08:23,360 Speaker 1: I've got a fucking murder, and it was like they 146 00:08:23,680 --> 00:08:25,840 Speaker 1: just cat. He sounded like he had a voice like 147 00:08:25,920 --> 00:08:27,240 Speaker 1: a professional actor. 148 00:08:27,440 --> 00:08:30,320 Speaker 2: He meant it for the addiction. 149 00:08:30,640 --> 00:08:33,960 Speaker 1: It was amazing and we were just terrified. The kids 150 00:08:34,000 --> 00:08:38,680 Speaker 1: were just like, let's go meet him. You know, grandpa 151 00:08:39,160 --> 00:08:42,599 Speaker 1: just running away from an insane man to get on 152 00:08:42,679 --> 00:08:43,040 Speaker 1: the train. 153 00:08:43,559 --> 00:08:44,880 Speaker 2: I love it. 154 00:08:45,280 --> 00:08:46,840 Speaker 1: Yeah, how is you? You've had a good time. 155 00:08:46,920 --> 00:08:49,520 Speaker 2: I had a great time. Biggest change for me. Dumbo 156 00:08:49,800 --> 00:08:52,319 Speaker 2: totally different than when I left really nine years ago. 157 00:08:52,520 --> 00:08:57,080 Speaker 2: Dumbo was ghost town. Now it's it was everybody festivals 158 00:08:57,080 --> 00:08:59,360 Speaker 2: everywhere he went. Last it was in Dumbo. I was 159 00:08:59,440 --> 00:09:03,040 Speaker 2: a I was a valet at the River Cafe and 160 00:09:03,200 --> 00:09:06,040 Speaker 2: it was pretty fun. But every night I dressed in 161 00:09:06,200 --> 00:09:08,520 Speaker 2: my worst clothes because I had like two hundred dollars 162 00:09:08,559 --> 00:09:09,839 Speaker 2: in cash in my pocket. And then I would just 163 00:09:09,880 --> 00:09:13,120 Speaker 2: walk empty streets. Front Street was empty. And then one 164 00:09:13,160 --> 00:09:15,240 Speaker 2: day I did a brunch and I was walking by 165 00:09:15,320 --> 00:09:19,199 Speaker 2: myself back to the York stop on the F train 166 00:09:19,679 --> 00:09:24,040 Speaker 2: F train and I saw an elephant standing there. What 167 00:09:24,640 --> 00:09:27,720 Speaker 2: I did and I went, oh my god, there's an 168 00:09:27,720 --> 00:09:30,599 Speaker 2: elephant standing there and there were like ten people watching it, 169 00:09:30,720 --> 00:09:34,480 Speaker 2: and the elephant gently picked up a paint brush and 170 00:09:34,720 --> 00:09:39,080 Speaker 2: dabbed it in red paint and painted itself painted an elephant. 171 00:09:39,320 --> 00:09:41,720 Speaker 2: And I just stood there. I thought I had died 172 00:09:41,840 --> 00:09:46,199 Speaker 2: five or parking escalade from Long Island, and yeah, I 173 00:09:46,280 --> 00:09:49,400 Speaker 2: saw an elephant painting a self portrait. And I was like, 174 00:09:49,559 --> 00:09:51,839 Speaker 2: this is incredible. And I googled it and everybody's like, 175 00:09:52,280 --> 00:09:54,040 Speaker 2: we hate that they made this elephant do it, and 176 00:09:54,080 --> 00:09:55,839 Speaker 2: I was like, yeah, I hate it too. I was like, 177 00:09:56,000 --> 00:09:58,559 Speaker 2: I was like, yeah, fuck, that disgusting. I don't want 178 00:09:58,600 --> 00:10:00,760 Speaker 2: that at all in my apartment, more than anything in life. 179 00:10:02,080 --> 00:10:04,400 Speaker 2: But I did learn that the Manhattan Bridge was not 180 00:10:04,520 --> 00:10:07,160 Speaker 2: gonna be called the Manhattan Bridge. Did you guys know 181 00:10:07,200 --> 00:10:08,120 Speaker 2: what it was going to be called? 182 00:10:08,320 --> 00:10:08,360 Speaker 1: What? 183 00:10:08,920 --> 00:10:09,840 Speaker 2: Bridge number three? 184 00:10:10,320 --> 00:10:10,360 Speaker 1: No? 185 00:10:11,400 --> 00:10:13,480 Speaker 2: I swear to god it was gonna be called bridge 186 00:10:13,559 --> 00:10:15,679 Speaker 2: number three. And the New York Times was like, that 187 00:10:16,320 --> 00:10:19,120 Speaker 2: means nothing, and they named it the Manhattan Bridge. 188 00:10:19,240 --> 00:10:21,200 Speaker 1: Oh my god, I had no idea bridge number three. 189 00:10:21,520 --> 00:10:22,480 Speaker 2: I think that's cooler. 190 00:10:22,840 --> 00:10:25,040 Speaker 1: I would have I would have preferred Bridge number three 191 00:10:25,160 --> 00:10:28,640 Speaker 1: me too. Yeah, it is weird that it's just Brooklyn 192 00:10:28,760 --> 00:10:31,880 Speaker 1: Bridge Manhattan Bridge where it was just like one goes 193 00:10:31,920 --> 00:10:33,559 Speaker 1: one way or the other goes the other way. I 194 00:10:33,679 --> 00:10:37,360 Speaker 1: never thought of it that way. But ye hey, guys, 195 00:10:37,440 --> 00:10:39,440 Speaker 1: ready for the Okay, So, first off, this story about 196 00:10:39,440 --> 00:10:41,839 Speaker 1: this Baltimore man who falls into Mount Vesuvius. He was 197 00:10:41,880 --> 00:10:42,920 Speaker 1: trying to take a selfie. 198 00:10:43,840 --> 00:10:44,480 Speaker 2: Yeah, don't do it. 199 00:10:44,600 --> 00:10:47,600 Speaker 1: Oh, so you guys know Mount Vesuvius is a volcano. 200 00:10:48,280 --> 00:10:49,040 Speaker 2: It's a volcano. 201 00:10:49,640 --> 00:10:52,559 Speaker 1: Of course he's from Baltimore. There are no other details. 202 00:10:55,520 --> 00:10:56,760 Speaker 2: Do you have a do you live? 203 00:10:58,280 --> 00:11:00,920 Speaker 1: Oh Baltimore? I just love it. It was just like Baltimore. 204 00:11:03,040 --> 00:11:03,440 Speaker 2: Very good. 205 00:11:03,600 --> 00:11:05,000 Speaker 1: Here's my real story that I want. 206 00:11:04,840 --> 00:11:06,800 Speaker 2: To love you Ready for this? Oh? I love it. 207 00:11:07,000 --> 00:11:07,959 Speaker 2: I'm so excited. 208 00:11:08,000 --> 00:11:10,240 Speaker 1: Let's have fun for one Can we please have fun 209 00:11:10,360 --> 00:11:10,760 Speaker 1: for once? 210 00:11:11,000 --> 00:11:11,880 Speaker 2: For one time? 211 00:11:14,320 --> 00:11:17,679 Speaker 1: I am sweating like there is a faucet under my hair. 212 00:11:17,880 --> 00:11:21,319 Speaker 1: Not a drop, not a drop. Yeah, just know that 213 00:11:21,440 --> 00:11:25,280 Speaker 1: I'm sweating. In my world, it means confidence and ability. Guys. 214 00:11:25,320 --> 00:11:27,679 Speaker 2: All right, here we go. Dry is a bone over here, 215 00:11:28,240 --> 00:11:29,360 Speaker 2: he dries the bone. 216 00:11:29,760 --> 00:11:32,880 Speaker 1: I hang out with dry people because I provide the moisteness. 217 00:11:32,920 --> 00:11:34,440 Speaker 2: Here we slow dance in the back. 218 00:11:36,000 --> 00:11:37,760 Speaker 1: Why cheat? Here's here's a story. 219 00:11:37,840 --> 00:11:38,280 Speaker 2: Ready for this? 220 00:11:38,559 --> 00:11:42,520 Speaker 1: My Cheetos are banned in Germany, and how flaming hots 221 00:11:42,600 --> 00:11:47,800 Speaker 1: sneaking anyway? Really not as. 222 00:11:47,920 --> 00:11:52,480 Speaker 2: Cheetos are banded in Germany, but they have flaming hots. Yes, okay, so. 223 00:11:52,600 --> 00:11:54,760 Speaker 1: Not a flashy headline, and that's why I didn't. 224 00:11:54,480 --> 00:11:57,120 Speaker 2: Start with it, but it is a fucking crazy it 225 00:11:57,240 --> 00:12:00,520 Speaker 2: grabs you though. We're intrigued, This audience intrigued. 226 00:12:00,800 --> 00:12:04,920 Speaker 1: This is on I think what's called Yahoo The Takeout. 227 00:12:07,040 --> 00:12:07,520 Speaker 2: Very cool. 228 00:12:07,720 --> 00:12:11,839 Speaker 1: Yeah, it's a subsection of Yahoo called the Takeout by 229 00:12:12,200 --> 00:12:15,200 Speaker 1: Rachel Glassberg. Someone of the audis was like, yes, yes, 230 00:12:15,520 --> 00:12:17,680 Speaker 1: the take what we're getting he's got It. 231 00:12:17,800 --> 00:12:21,679 Speaker 2: Was my Tumblr in two thousand and six, Yahoo. 232 00:12:21,760 --> 00:12:24,560 Speaker 1: Who bought it. It competes with eater. It's called the. 233 00:12:24,600 --> 00:12:27,839 Speaker 2: Takeout hang out with jaqutarres all the time here it is. 234 00:12:28,280 --> 00:12:31,280 Speaker 1: This was by Rachel Glassberg giving um, she is the 235 00:12:34,360 --> 00:12:38,800 Speaker 1: goddamn its way better wayy better way better Asbury Park. 236 00:12:38,920 --> 00:12:41,000 Speaker 1: The second time we did it, they're like best in 237 00:12:41,120 --> 00:12:48,360 Speaker 1: the best. Yeah, Jersey did not represent. Yeah, Jersey doesn't suck. 238 00:12:49,360 --> 00:12:51,800 Speaker 1: It does not, it doesn't suck. It's number two in 239 00:12:51,840 --> 00:12:54,760 Speaker 1: Blueberry number two. Just being number two, is it? Number 240 00:12:54,800 --> 00:12:57,840 Speaker 1: one doesn't mean you suck. All right, there's another fifty places. 241 00:12:57,880 --> 00:13:01,360 Speaker 1: It's not Rhode Island. It's not fucking anywhere in New England, 242 00:13:01,400 --> 00:13:06,679 Speaker 1: the Ocean state. It's not New Hampshire. I have to 243 00:13:06,760 --> 00:13:08,200 Speaker 1: remember where my hatred lies. 244 00:13:08,360 --> 00:13:08,960 Speaker 2: New Hampshire. 245 00:13:09,520 --> 00:13:13,240 Speaker 1: It's New Hampshire. I just randomly selected a New England 246 00:13:13,400 --> 00:13:15,000 Speaker 1: city town state. 247 00:13:15,000 --> 00:13:18,080 Speaker 2: Are Rne for me? Fine for me? All right? Here 248 00:13:18,120 --> 00:13:18,280 Speaker 2: we go. 249 00:13:19,280 --> 00:13:22,960 Speaker 1: Would a Cheeto by any other name taste is dangerously cheesy? Oh? 250 00:13:23,040 --> 00:13:28,160 Speaker 1: Come on, Rachel, Rachel, She's good. That's the conundrum in Germany, where, 251 00:13:28,240 --> 00:13:30,760 Speaker 1: due to some savvy trademarking by the country's largest snack 252 00:13:30,840 --> 00:13:36,360 Speaker 1: food corporation, Cheetos have been illegal since nineteen eighty. I 253 00:13:36,440 --> 00:13:39,240 Speaker 1: first became where of this situation was browsing the isles 254 00:13:39,280 --> 00:13:41,960 Speaker 1: of a Berlin ethnic grocery store. 255 00:13:42,440 --> 00:13:43,720 Speaker 2: Okay, do we still say that. 256 00:13:45,920 --> 00:13:46,520 Speaker 1: The Germans? 257 00:13:46,760 --> 00:13:47,880 Speaker 2: Yeah, the Germans. 258 00:13:48,840 --> 00:13:51,880 Speaker 1: That will remain nameless. It's selection of North American goods 259 00:13:51,920 --> 00:13:54,319 Speaker 1: had been expanding recently. I was excited to see everything 260 00:13:54,400 --> 00:13:58,280 Speaker 1: from tajin to takis in stores at takis or taxis 261 00:13:58,520 --> 00:14:04,680 Speaker 1: jen to Okay, okay, the classic the two Americas. 262 00:14:04,960 --> 00:14:07,400 Speaker 2: You buy gas stations in the South to put on 263 00:14:07,520 --> 00:14:08,400 Speaker 2: your yeah, but. 264 00:14:08,520 --> 00:14:11,760 Speaker 1: What were these bright orange packets with a familiar cheetah 265 00:14:11,840 --> 00:14:14,000 Speaker 1: on the front and a red sticker cover up the 266 00:14:14,120 --> 00:14:18,160 Speaker 1: brand name on top? Were these misprinted bags where Chester 267 00:14:18,360 --> 00:14:20,000 Speaker 1: was saying the F word or something? 268 00:14:20,240 --> 00:14:26,720 Speaker 2: I mean, I wish, I wish Rachel, Rachel, she should 269 00:14:26,720 --> 00:14:29,800 Speaker 2: be writing for television. She's good. 270 00:14:30,120 --> 00:14:32,760 Speaker 1: No, the Internet informed me the censorship stickers were actually 271 00:14:32,800 --> 00:14:36,520 Speaker 1: a loophole. So for over four decades, the Dussel Dwarf 272 00:14:36,640 --> 00:14:41,520 Speaker 1: based conglomerate inter Snack, whose chips, pretzels and corn puffs 273 00:14:41,640 --> 00:14:45,240 Speaker 1: dominate the German market, has been suing anyone who dares 274 00:14:45,280 --> 00:14:47,280 Speaker 1: to sell Cheetos in Germany on the grounds that the 275 00:14:47,360 --> 00:14:50,680 Speaker 1: name Cheetos is too similar to that of one of 276 00:14:50,800 --> 00:14:53,359 Speaker 1: inter Snack's own products, Cheetos. 277 00:14:54,120 --> 00:14:55,520 Speaker 2: Yeah, I hear it. 278 00:14:55,840 --> 00:14:57,960 Speaker 1: I do hear it, Like if you listen, you hear it, 279 00:14:58,400 --> 00:14:59,160 Speaker 1: but you gotta listen. 280 00:14:59,280 --> 00:15:01,200 Speaker 2: But you can hear it. It's like those magic eye 281 00:15:01,240 --> 00:15:04,880 Speaker 2: three D posters, like you can. Oh, it's a grateful 282 00:15:04,920 --> 00:15:09,440 Speaker 2: dead bear. It's Chester Cheetah and here it's spelled h 283 00:15:09,640 --> 00:15:10,560 Speaker 2: I T O S. 284 00:15:10,760 --> 00:15:13,960 Speaker 1: That's the difference. I guess. The shop owner agreeing to 285 00:15:14,000 --> 00:15:16,000 Speaker 1: speak to me under conditions of strict anonym, and he 286 00:15:16,040 --> 00:15:18,120 Speaker 1: confirmed that the legal issue was the reason for the 287 00:15:18,160 --> 00:15:21,160 Speaker 1: big red sticker quote. Other stores have gotten letter saying 288 00:15:21,160 --> 00:15:24,200 Speaker 1: they'd have to pay thousands of euros for violating the trademark. 289 00:15:24,480 --> 00:15:26,520 Speaker 1: Our lawyer totus, as long as the name is invisible, 290 00:15:26,600 --> 00:15:28,480 Speaker 1: we should be okay. But we're still not one hundred 291 00:15:28,520 --> 00:15:29,080 Speaker 1: percent sure. 292 00:15:29,280 --> 00:15:32,200 Speaker 2: Wow, it feels like it shouldn't be a thing. 293 00:15:32,760 --> 00:15:35,520 Speaker 1: So all of this is, you know, they've they've sued 294 00:15:35,560 --> 00:15:39,160 Speaker 1: other people. I'm gonna skip ahead here because of brand confusion. Yeah, 295 00:15:39,320 --> 00:15:41,560 Speaker 1: I'll go back into the article, which might be a 296 00:15:41,600 --> 00:15:44,720 Speaker 1: perfectly reasonable grounds for a lawsuit if there was any 297 00:15:44,800 --> 00:15:48,960 Speaker 1: such thing as a Cheetoh. So here, it is right 298 00:15:49,120 --> 00:15:51,800 Speaker 1: true that one of inter Snack's marquee chip brands is 299 00:15:51,880 --> 00:15:55,800 Speaker 1: called Cheo's No Tea. But google Cheetos with a T 300 00:15:56,080 --> 00:15:58,040 Speaker 1: and the first result you get is, of course, did 301 00:15:58,120 --> 00:15:59,200 Speaker 1: you mean Cheetos? 302 00:15:59,480 --> 00:16:01,120 Speaker 2: Yeah, of course, of course. 303 00:16:01,600 --> 00:16:04,400 Speaker 1: No German person I've talked to, young or old, from 304 00:16:04,440 --> 00:16:07,160 Speaker 1: the former East or West has ever seen a Cheeto 305 00:16:07,440 --> 00:16:08,160 Speaker 1: in the wild. 306 00:16:08,480 --> 00:16:08,680 Speaker 2: Huh. 307 00:16:09,360 --> 00:16:13,640 Speaker 1: Cheetos are not sold in stores or online. The only 308 00:16:13,800 --> 00:16:16,920 Speaker 1: proof of their existence is this page on the inter 309 00:16:17,120 --> 00:16:21,920 Speaker 1: Snack site. Also Intersnack is a funny really close really 310 00:16:22,160 --> 00:16:24,600 Speaker 1: the joke of what you would imagine a German company 311 00:16:24,640 --> 00:16:27,360 Speaker 1: would call a snack corporation, right, and. 312 00:16:27,360 --> 00:16:30,000 Speaker 2: They're just putting red stickers on things. Imagine if you're 313 00:16:30,000 --> 00:16:31,720 Speaker 2: a German and today would just put a red sticker, 314 00:16:31,800 --> 00:16:33,680 Speaker 2: You'd be like, I'm dead, this is over. I'm gone. 315 00:16:33,920 --> 00:16:34,680 Speaker 2: I don't know what I did. 316 00:16:35,240 --> 00:16:42,000 Speaker 1: We have Interopole and we have into snack intersh No 317 00:16:42,160 --> 00:16:44,320 Speaker 1: German person, blah blah blah blah here it is. The 318 00:16:44,360 --> 00:16:47,400 Speaker 1: only proof is this, which features a photo shop looking 319 00:16:48,000 --> 00:16:51,720 Speaker 1: seventy five gram bag of circular snacks described as quote 320 00:16:51,800 --> 00:16:55,320 Speaker 1: the airy crispy rings of delicious potato dough with an 321 00:16:55,360 --> 00:16:58,840 Speaker 1: aromatic cheese note refined with delicious onions. 322 00:16:58,920 --> 00:17:01,480 Speaker 2: Yep, that's how we describe Cheetos. 323 00:17:02,400 --> 00:17:08,520 Speaker 1: Sounds delicious and fake, very fake, oh Rachel. According to 324 00:17:08,560 --> 00:17:12,480 Speaker 1: Intersnack's official trademark registration for the brand, the list of 325 00:17:12,520 --> 00:17:15,200 Speaker 1: the things that can be called Cheetos include not only 326 00:17:16,200 --> 00:17:18,080 Speaker 1: there's a whole lot of stuff blah blah blah blah. 327 00:17:17,880 --> 00:17:19,679 Speaker 2: Blah, I don't know, say the funniest one, pick one. 328 00:17:19,800 --> 00:17:22,840 Speaker 1: They're all extruded potato, wheat, rice, and or corn products 329 00:17:23,359 --> 00:17:27,240 Speaker 1: purposes or ready to eat goods to be prepared in 330 00:17:27,320 --> 00:17:33,840 Speaker 1: a toaster. Yeah, or hard and soft biscuits or gingerbread 331 00:17:33,880 --> 00:17:41,040 Speaker 1: and honey cake or candy. Cheetos are a color, an emotion, 332 00:17:41,280 --> 00:17:42,160 Speaker 1: a state of mind. 333 00:17:42,840 --> 00:17:45,879 Speaker 2: That's true. That part is true. That is true. 334 00:17:46,200 --> 00:17:48,760 Speaker 1: They are They're that look in his eyes when you 335 00:17:48,880 --> 00:17:49,800 Speaker 1: tell him you love him. 336 00:17:52,119 --> 00:17:53,200 Speaker 2: They are you and me. 337 00:17:53,840 --> 00:17:56,400 Speaker 1: Yeah, baby, Rachel Glassman is really good. 338 00:17:56,560 --> 00:18:00,200 Speaker 2: I love her. She's good to what she does. Yeh. 339 00:18:00,240 --> 00:18:03,280 Speaker 1: She calls the company multiple times and they only say 340 00:18:04,040 --> 00:18:06,760 Speaker 1: the trademark protection Prachetos is still valid, and that's all 341 00:18:06,800 --> 00:18:07,679 Speaker 1: they do, and they hang up. 342 00:18:07,920 --> 00:18:10,160 Speaker 2: Oh but in a German accent again. 343 00:18:10,640 --> 00:18:14,640 Speaker 1: So what they do is they produce five or six 344 00:18:14,840 --> 00:18:18,200 Speaker 1: bags of these cheetos and sell them at one store 345 00:18:18,359 --> 00:18:21,080 Speaker 1: once a year shut down just to maintain the trade. 346 00:18:21,760 --> 00:18:26,320 Speaker 1: So the Cheetos can't be sold in the States in Germany. 347 00:18:27,800 --> 00:18:33,000 Speaker 1: Isn't that amazing? It's okay here, it is okay. So 348 00:18:33,119 --> 00:18:35,159 Speaker 1: this is the only part it goes This is like 349 00:18:35,280 --> 00:18:39,760 Speaker 1: an Atlantic article for food. It goes on so long and. 350 00:18:39,800 --> 00:18:44,800 Speaker 2: Then halfway through like you've reached your limit. It's nine friends. 351 00:18:45,440 --> 00:18:48,960 Speaker 1: The main takeaway here is that the German snack food industry, 352 00:18:49,720 --> 00:18:53,199 Speaker 1: the only flavor you can get any snacks in is paprika. 353 00:18:54,400 --> 00:18:57,480 Speaker 2: Oh or sweet paprika. I don't think I know what 354 00:18:57,560 --> 00:19:03,399 Speaker 2: that tastes. What it it's good, Paprika's good from the wings. 355 00:19:03,560 --> 00:19:04,440 Speaker 2: Paprika's good. 356 00:19:05,280 --> 00:19:08,120 Speaker 1: That might be the guy who's banging on the table though, 357 00:19:08,160 --> 00:19:08,840 Speaker 1: So I don't know if. 358 00:19:08,760 --> 00:19:12,520 Speaker 2: I buy it. Warren Baby is dead and paprika is good. 359 00:19:12,760 --> 00:19:19,680 Speaker 1: That is the name of this episode. Okay, So it's 360 00:19:19,720 --> 00:19:22,240 Speaker 1: like they're saying, like in America, while other countries experiment 361 00:19:22,320 --> 00:19:25,399 Speaker 1: with bacon, with sabi, dill, picco crab chicks, we're stuck 362 00:19:25,480 --> 00:19:28,440 Speaker 1: with paprika or sweet paprika, or if we really want 363 00:19:28,480 --> 00:19:34,800 Speaker 1: to get crazy, wild paprika. Funny Inner Snack alone imports 364 00:19:34,880 --> 00:19:38,119 Speaker 1: two hundred and ten pounds of paprika per year, making 365 00:19:38,160 --> 00:19:43,480 Speaker 1: it the Hungarian spice industry's single biggest buyer. How does 366 00:19:43,560 --> 00:19:46,120 Speaker 1: paprika taste and chip form? In the words of Sir 367 00:19:46,280 --> 00:19:53,240 Speaker 1: Patrick Stewart, it's possible that these would not exactly delight 368 00:19:53,400 --> 00:19:57,240 Speaker 1: you in the way some cruder chips do. There is 369 00:19:57,440 --> 00:19:58,720 Speaker 1: a subtle flavor. 370 00:19:58,960 --> 00:20:02,040 Speaker 2: There we go. The last sentence is what matters. 371 00:20:03,240 --> 00:20:05,439 Speaker 1: But that's it. That's where I wanted to end that story. 372 00:20:05,480 --> 00:20:06,120 Speaker 1: I think. 373 00:20:08,840 --> 00:20:12,480 Speaker 2: I will say very quickly that there was a stand 374 00:20:12,600 --> 00:20:15,119 Speaker 2: up show when I moved to New York. Well, somebody's 375 00:20:15,160 --> 00:20:21,960 Speaker 2: going to get some special edition socks. These are very nice. 376 00:20:22,000 --> 00:20:23,439 Speaker 1: I feel like a southern lawyer. 377 00:20:26,000 --> 00:20:28,800 Speaker 2: Well, now you have a pocket square. Now you have 378 00:20:28,840 --> 00:20:32,520 Speaker 2: a cool little pocket square. Just very briefly, there was 379 00:20:32,560 --> 00:20:35,040 Speaker 2: a stand up show in Manhattan when I moved here 380 00:20:35,119 --> 00:20:37,320 Speaker 2: in two thousand and four called Sweet Paprika. Do you 381 00:20:37,359 --> 00:20:38,119 Speaker 2: remember that show? Yes? 382 00:20:38,160 --> 00:20:38,320 Speaker 1: I do. 383 00:20:38,480 --> 00:20:40,320 Speaker 2: Yeah. It was like a fun little show and I 384 00:20:40,400 --> 00:20:42,920 Speaker 2: had done stand up in college and then I moved 385 00:20:42,960 --> 00:20:44,680 Speaker 2: here and I was like, I think I just want 386 00:20:44,720 --> 00:20:46,240 Speaker 2: to be a writer. I definitely don't want to be 387 00:20:46,240 --> 00:20:47,880 Speaker 2: an actor. I think I want to be a writer. 388 00:20:48,040 --> 00:20:49,760 Speaker 2: I was like, maybe I'll do an open micro stand 389 00:20:49,840 --> 00:20:51,800 Speaker 2: up show, and I was like, hey. I emailed them. 390 00:20:51,840 --> 00:20:53,560 Speaker 2: I was like, can I do your show, Sweet Paprika, 391 00:20:53,640 --> 00:20:55,359 Speaker 2: And they were like sure, come by, and then they 392 00:20:55,480 --> 00:21:01,040 Speaker 2: bumped me. Oh for nobody, I mean, for like the 393 00:21:01,160 --> 00:21:03,720 Speaker 2: worst comics in the world. They were like, sorry, we 394 00:21:03,800 --> 00:21:05,200 Speaker 2: don't know you. You're not going to go on tonight 395 00:21:05,240 --> 00:21:06,920 Speaker 2: and walking out. It was like I'm never going to 396 00:21:06,920 --> 00:21:07,480 Speaker 2: stand up again. 397 00:21:07,600 --> 00:21:11,439 Speaker 1: Really, see Paprika shut down your stand up comedy career. 398 00:21:11,720 --> 00:21:16,359 Speaker 2: Yeah, so I'm never gone. But wild Paprika opened up 399 00:21:16,440 --> 00:21:20,880 Speaker 2: my pornography career. Now, Yeah, sweet Paprika, I remember leaving 400 00:21:20,920 --> 00:21:22,359 Speaker 2: and be like, you know, it's not even worth it 401 00:21:22,440 --> 00:21:23,320 Speaker 2: and just never did again. 402 00:21:23,520 --> 00:21:25,920 Speaker 1: I don't remember speaking of like doing Xander for just 403 00:21:25,960 --> 00:21:27,680 Speaker 1: a couple of times. I remember there was someone in 404 00:21:27,720 --> 00:21:29,840 Speaker 1: the audience by the name of Carl who did a 405 00:21:29,960 --> 00:21:32,840 Speaker 1: stand up routine. Yeah, only a few times, but it 406 00:21:32,920 --> 00:21:35,600 Speaker 1: was one of the most brilliance where he had I 407 00:21:35,720 --> 00:21:38,720 Speaker 1: think a thousand pennies in a plastic bag. So many 408 00:21:38,920 --> 00:21:40,680 Speaker 1: was it a thousand, Carl? How many was it? 409 00:21:42,280 --> 00:21:45,520 Speaker 2: Okay, let's say five hundred. Let's say five hundred. 410 00:21:45,600 --> 00:21:47,200 Speaker 1: But he would came out to like tell a few 411 00:21:47,280 --> 00:21:49,359 Speaker 1: jokes and pretended like he was really nervous and then 412 00:21:49,640 --> 00:21:52,480 Speaker 1: just dropped one thousand pennies on the ground. Yeah, he 413 00:21:52,520 --> 00:21:55,040 Speaker 1: would go for it to keep telling jokes while picking 414 00:21:55,119 --> 00:21:57,200 Speaker 1: up one thousand pennies. 415 00:21:56,960 --> 00:21:59,119 Speaker 2: And then kicked one of his shoes off across the 416 00:21:59,200 --> 00:22:01,800 Speaker 2: stage and he did the whole set with his back 417 00:22:01,880 --> 00:22:02,520 Speaker 2: to the audience. 418 00:22:02,680 --> 00:22:03,520 Speaker 1: Oh, it's so fun. 419 00:22:03,680 --> 00:22:06,480 Speaker 2: It was brilliant. It was brilliant. 420 00:22:06,560 --> 00:22:10,359 Speaker 1: So I have been to the last time I was 421 00:22:10,440 --> 00:22:13,440 Speaker 1: in Germany, it was I was in my twenties, okay, 422 00:22:13,680 --> 00:22:16,879 Speaker 1: and I had gone there for I had auditioned for 423 00:22:17,160 --> 00:22:21,359 Speaker 1: a BMW commercial. That's fun, a BMW commercial. And at 424 00:22:21,400 --> 00:22:25,159 Speaker 1: the time my agent was a man named Sandy Gunner, 425 00:22:25,720 --> 00:22:30,480 Speaker 1: and oh boy, Sandy Gunner. I've talked about him briefly. 426 00:22:31,000 --> 00:22:33,480 Speaker 1: I don't to this day don't think he was an 427 00:22:33,520 --> 00:22:35,080 Speaker 1: age yea. 428 00:22:34,960 --> 00:22:36,600 Speaker 2: Yeah, yeah, yeah, I don't either. 429 00:22:36,680 --> 00:22:38,480 Speaker 1: I remember he took He's like, let's have a meeting 430 00:22:38,520 --> 00:22:41,280 Speaker 1: about your career, and we were like, okay, we brought 431 00:22:41,320 --> 00:22:44,520 Speaker 1: He brought me to Kats's Deli, where all agency meetings happened. 432 00:22:44,640 --> 00:22:46,240 Speaker 2: That's big time. Now you've made it. 433 00:22:47,040 --> 00:22:50,200 Speaker 1: He showed me like a career map of someone else 434 00:22:51,119 --> 00:22:53,080 Speaker 1: that was like someone who wanted to be a soap. 435 00:22:52,920 --> 00:22:55,720 Speaker 2: Stone Denzel Washington. Oh yeah, okay, and. 436 00:22:55,800 --> 00:22:57,560 Speaker 1: It was like you start here and then like the ending, 437 00:22:57,600 --> 00:23:00,320 Speaker 1: and it had her name written across the top, and 438 00:23:00,400 --> 00:23:01,960 Speaker 1: it was like you do these things and then you 439 00:23:02,040 --> 00:23:04,360 Speaker 1: get this and then you're on a soap. And then 440 00:23:04,480 --> 00:23:07,960 Speaker 1: he had just like with the marker put like across 441 00:23:08,040 --> 00:23:10,920 Speaker 1: her name and my name over it. And then instead 442 00:23:10,960 --> 00:23:13,240 Speaker 1: of like soap star, it was like Daily Show. 443 00:23:14,080 --> 00:23:17,200 Speaker 2: Yeah, Susan Lucci on the Daily Show. 444 00:23:17,520 --> 00:23:20,240 Speaker 1: So Sandy Gunner sends me out on this audition for 445 00:23:20,320 --> 00:23:21,840 Speaker 1: a BMW. It's one of I don't know if you 446 00:23:21,840 --> 00:23:23,719 Speaker 1: guys remember in like the early two thousands they were 447 00:23:23,760 --> 00:23:28,359 Speaker 1: doing movies by Guy Ritchie, yes exactly, but Donna's husband, 448 00:23:28,480 --> 00:23:30,880 Speaker 1: and it was like these like high name directors doing 449 00:23:30,960 --> 00:23:34,520 Speaker 1: just movies where it's like a BMW does stuff cool 450 00:23:34,920 --> 00:23:37,480 Speaker 1: and uh So I auditioned and I remember wearing a 451 00:23:37,560 --> 00:23:40,160 Speaker 1: sweater that I thought looked very German. 452 00:23:41,320 --> 00:23:41,679 Speaker 2: Smart. 453 00:23:41,960 --> 00:23:45,720 Speaker 1: And the line in the commercial I said was he's 454 00:23:45,760 --> 00:23:46,320 Speaker 1: a good guy. 455 00:23:46,960 --> 00:23:52,040 Speaker 2: That was it. They call you booked it. You're going 456 00:23:52,119 --> 00:23:55,200 Speaker 2: to Welcome to Hollywood, friend, You're. 457 00:23:55,080 --> 00:23:58,440 Speaker 1: Going to Germany for ten days. For that line to 458 00:23:58,560 --> 00:24:03,320 Speaker 1: say he was a good guy, I was twenty three. 459 00:24:03,560 --> 00:24:06,040 Speaker 1: Big deal, meant the world to you, and I met 460 00:24:06,119 --> 00:24:09,000 Speaker 1: with I got there, flew to I can't remember the 461 00:24:09,400 --> 00:24:16,159 Speaker 1: names some cities in Germany. Hamburg, this doesn't work, Not Munich, 462 00:24:16,240 --> 00:24:21,760 Speaker 1: not Frankfurt, not Berlin, Dresden not Dresden, is hanover. 463 00:24:23,200 --> 00:24:24,080 Speaker 2: Great pretzels? 464 00:24:24,080 --> 00:24:28,879 Speaker 1: What Hamburg? Maybe it was Hamburg. Maybe it was Humburg. 465 00:24:30,560 --> 00:24:32,880 Speaker 1: Well it was a it was a port town. That's 466 00:24:32,920 --> 00:24:34,040 Speaker 1: all I know is a port town. 467 00:24:34,359 --> 00:24:35,320 Speaker 2: Yeah that's Hamburg. 468 00:24:35,960 --> 00:24:37,280 Speaker 1: Yeah right, I think it was Humburg. 469 00:24:37,359 --> 00:24:37,639 Speaker 2: I'm in. 470 00:24:38,000 --> 00:24:40,320 Speaker 1: We had to like tour the BMW factory and I 471 00:24:40,440 --> 00:24:42,640 Speaker 1: was like, all I say is he's a good. 472 00:24:42,520 --> 00:24:46,680 Speaker 2: Guy every car that goes by, and I MA, sure. 473 00:24:47,080 --> 00:24:50,280 Speaker 1: We met with the director who was a fucking prick. 474 00:24:50,880 --> 00:24:53,960 Speaker 1: He Oh yeah, I knew he was. He was a 475 00:24:54,000 --> 00:24:56,080 Speaker 1: horror movie director. And he was like, did you bring 476 00:24:56,160 --> 00:25:00,240 Speaker 1: that sweater? You auditioned with an no, and he It's like, 477 00:25:00,560 --> 00:25:02,400 Speaker 1: that's the only reason you got this part. 478 00:25:02,440 --> 00:25:05,960 Speaker 2: Was that sweater. And I was just like feeling good, 479 00:25:06,480 --> 00:25:08,359 Speaker 2: feeling great, amazing. 480 00:25:09,000 --> 00:25:11,800 Speaker 1: But I had to because it was a poor town. 481 00:25:11,800 --> 00:25:13,320 Speaker 1: I was staying by the port at a very nice 482 00:25:13,320 --> 00:25:15,600 Speaker 1: hotel that I've never been able to afford since then. 483 00:25:16,040 --> 00:25:19,879 Speaker 1: And uh, the only way into the city center was 484 00:25:20,880 --> 00:25:24,520 Speaker 1: sex work is legal there, and they had and they 485 00:25:24,600 --> 00:25:27,320 Speaker 1: have a square that is like the sex work Square. 486 00:25:27,840 --> 00:25:30,480 Speaker 1: And in order to get from where I lived to 487 00:25:30,760 --> 00:25:33,320 Speaker 1: anything in the city, you had to walk along this 488 00:25:33,480 --> 00:25:34,040 Speaker 1: one street. 489 00:25:34,280 --> 00:25:37,280 Speaker 2: But yeah, I bet you had to walk along a kurve. 490 00:25:37,840 --> 00:25:40,359 Speaker 2: I bet there's no other way in the whole city 491 00:25:40,400 --> 00:25:42,360 Speaker 2: of Hamburg to get to this audition. 492 00:25:43,119 --> 00:25:48,720 Speaker 1: Well, right, it's legitimately the only way. It was like 493 00:25:48,800 --> 00:25:51,240 Speaker 1: you came over a bridge and then you if you 494 00:25:51,320 --> 00:25:53,960 Speaker 1: went left, right, or straight, it was all that square 495 00:25:54,880 --> 00:25:59,680 Speaker 1: I squeared to fucking guy. But it would be like 496 00:26:00,200 --> 00:26:04,400 Speaker 1: full block where every every three feet was like one 497 00:26:04,720 --> 00:26:08,800 Speaker 1: person's like that was their area spot, and so they're 498 00:26:08,840 --> 00:26:12,240 Speaker 1: all trying to stop in that square. And I was 499 00:26:12,400 --> 00:26:14,320 Speaker 1: just like and so the first person would be like 500 00:26:14,760 --> 00:26:17,399 Speaker 1: I thought, shouldn't have foughts and satin and you know, 501 00:26:17,480 --> 00:26:23,240 Speaker 1: and I'm just like, no, thank you, and then well, 502 00:26:23,840 --> 00:26:26,800 Speaker 1: and then the woman would just go English, and then 503 00:26:27,000 --> 00:26:29,080 Speaker 1: down the line would go angl it. They would all 504 00:26:29,160 --> 00:26:31,760 Speaker 1: yell and they would immediately switch to English and be 505 00:26:31,880 --> 00:26:35,680 Speaker 1: like hey baby, how you doing. And then the guy 506 00:26:35,800 --> 00:26:37,399 Speaker 1: behind me and I'd be like, no, thank you, not 507 00:26:37,520 --> 00:26:39,080 Speaker 1: that you'd be like, oh, come on, you know, and 508 00:26:39,119 --> 00:26:40,760 Speaker 1: then the guy behind me would be like Dutch and 509 00:26:40,800 --> 00:26:43,840 Speaker 1: they'd be like nada Lishian and like nada lilishia is 510 00:26:43,960 --> 00:26:46,960 Speaker 1: they'd be like we're dining. So you know, like it 511 00:26:47,000 --> 00:26:50,040 Speaker 1: would just change. There were like they do like eight 512 00:26:50,280 --> 00:26:53,320 Speaker 1: languages and that's the That's why I always say is 513 00:26:53,320 --> 00:26:55,480 Speaker 1: I want my kids to be as educated as your 514 00:26:55,560 --> 00:26:56,920 Speaker 1: average German sex work. 515 00:27:02,840 --> 00:27:04,239 Speaker 2: I want that for your kids too. 516 00:27:04,680 --> 00:27:05,600 Speaker 1: Thank you, I do. 517 00:27:06,040 --> 00:27:08,320 Speaker 2: I love that. Just take just take the long way. 518 00:27:10,840 --> 00:27:15,439 Speaker 2: That's so funny. I need a bev uh. Can somebody 519 00:27:15,480 --> 00:27:18,639 Speaker 2: grab me a best in the beersness? Please? Thank you? 520 00:27:18,800 --> 00:27:22,200 Speaker 1: Oh, Scotty, I got you one right here? Is it cold? Yeah? 521 00:27:23,400 --> 00:27:27,639 Speaker 2: My guy cheers. Everybody thinks for coming out to this show. Cheers. 522 00:27:27,760 --> 00:27:30,479 Speaker 2: Great to see you. We have great fans, sexual being 523 00:27:30,480 --> 00:27:33,080 Speaker 2: great fans, tip tip heavily. Last time they were like, 524 00:27:33,119 --> 00:27:34,080 Speaker 2: your fans are so nice. 525 00:27:34,359 --> 00:27:38,160 Speaker 1: Oh yeah, that's true. All right, Scotty, give me a story. 526 00:27:38,359 --> 00:27:44,359 Speaker 2: Okay, this is from Lori Aaron Black, cool name uh 527 00:27:44,640 --> 00:27:48,600 Speaker 2: in BBC, written by that swing in BBC staff they 528 00:27:48,800 --> 00:27:51,960 Speaker 2: never really credit. BBC doesn't credit their writers very often. 529 00:27:51,960 --> 00:27:52,679 Speaker 1: I don't know why. 530 00:27:53,400 --> 00:27:57,399 Speaker 2: Media missed the by a message in a bottle seeking 531 00:27:57,440 --> 00:28:00,760 Speaker 2: a boyfriend found an exact same spot fifty five years later. 532 00:28:00,920 --> 00:28:11,119 Speaker 1: Waite, Oh for real, for real friend? Oh so this 533 00:28:11,280 --> 00:28:13,399 Speaker 1: was a teenager. Oh I'm just gonna wait for the details. 534 00:28:13,440 --> 00:28:14,720 Speaker 2: Yeah, I'm gonna tell you all about it. I have 535 00:28:14,800 --> 00:28:17,840 Speaker 2: it all written down. A message in a bottle from 536 00:28:17,920 --> 00:28:21,159 Speaker 2: two teenage girls seeking love, launched more than half a 537 00:28:21,280 --> 00:28:24,680 Speaker 2: century ago, has been found just yards from where it 538 00:28:24,840 --> 00:28:32,320 Speaker 2: was launched. Yeah, my gosh, so. 539 00:28:32,440 --> 00:28:34,720 Speaker 1: She actually threw it in. I'm saying, I'm assuming it's 540 00:28:34,720 --> 00:28:35,080 Speaker 1: a sheet. 541 00:28:35,119 --> 00:28:37,960 Speaker 2: Maybe it was, Yeah, it was. It was two teenage girls, okay. 542 00:28:37,720 --> 00:28:40,479 Speaker 1: Two changels, both seeking love, threw it into the ocean. 543 00:28:40,720 --> 00:28:44,520 Speaker 2: Yes, and then it was found fifty five years later, 544 00:28:44,720 --> 00:28:47,160 Speaker 2: just yards from where they threw it to the ocean. 545 00:28:48,120 --> 00:28:54,200 Speaker 2: Right buck, oh, buye? This is okay? Cute it. Jennifer 546 00:28:54,440 --> 00:29:00,320 Speaker 2: Coleman and childhood friend Janet blankly thank you very you're man. 547 00:29:00,560 --> 00:29:03,200 Speaker 1: God, give it up? What's your name? What? 548 00:29:04,760 --> 00:29:05,080 Speaker 2: Thank you? 549 00:29:05,840 --> 00:29:06,040 Speaker 1: Tim? 550 00:29:06,200 --> 00:29:07,240 Speaker 2: Tim? You have it up for Tam. 551 00:29:07,440 --> 00:29:07,800 Speaker 1: Thank you. 552 00:29:09,520 --> 00:29:13,080 Speaker 2: We love Tim. Tim. Cheers to Tim. 553 00:29:13,360 --> 00:29:14,000 Speaker 1: Cheers to Tim. 554 00:29:14,080 --> 00:29:16,960 Speaker 2: May he lived to be exactly as old as he 555 00:29:17,040 --> 00:29:21,320 Speaker 2: wants to be when he wants to die. Jennifer Coleman 556 00:29:21,360 --> 00:29:24,480 Speaker 2: and childhood friend Janet blankly hurled their heartfelt please to 557 00:29:24,640 --> 00:29:27,720 Speaker 2: the Humber Estuary in nineteen sixty six. 558 00:29:27,880 --> 00:29:32,440 Speaker 1: The humbert Estuary. Yes or Umber, oh umbert okay? Where 559 00:29:32,560 --> 00:29:33,200 Speaker 1: is it somewhere? 560 00:29:33,320 --> 00:29:38,800 Speaker 2: England? I believe, yes, England. Their letters asking potential boyfriends 561 00:29:38,840 --> 00:29:44,680 Speaker 2: to write back were found by litter pickers on Saturday. Whoops. 562 00:29:46,600 --> 00:29:49,080 Speaker 2: I think it might have gone a little out of 563 00:29:49,080 --> 00:29:50,880 Speaker 2: the way and they came back in the next tide, 564 00:29:51,000 --> 00:29:55,280 Speaker 2: said Jennifer. The pair, then aged fifteen, were visiting family 565 00:29:55,400 --> 00:29:58,720 Speaker 2: in South Farraby, North Lincolnshire, when they hit upon the 566 00:29:58,800 --> 00:30:01,600 Speaker 2: idea of searching for love via the high size. 567 00:30:01,840 --> 00:30:02,000 Speaker 1: Oh. 568 00:30:02,120 --> 00:30:05,240 Speaker 2: I love it. It's so great though, I mean, it 569 00:30:05,360 --> 00:30:06,479 Speaker 2: does make you just love them. 570 00:30:06,760 --> 00:30:09,040 Speaker 1: Also the fact that that bottle and that core held 571 00:30:09,120 --> 00:30:10,200 Speaker 1: up like god damn it. 572 00:30:10,400 --> 00:30:11,920 Speaker 2: Yeah, they don't make them like they used to. 573 00:30:13,160 --> 00:30:15,320 Speaker 1: I like the idea that it traveled all the way 574 00:30:15,400 --> 00:30:18,640 Speaker 1: around the world and lonely sixteen year olds. It was 575 00:30:18,720 --> 00:30:20,600 Speaker 1: just like it came close to them, but then they 576 00:30:20,600 --> 00:30:22,880 Speaker 1: were like done, Jim, and they looked away and it 577 00:30:23,040 --> 00:30:24,280 Speaker 1: just like traveled past. 578 00:30:24,160 --> 00:30:27,160 Speaker 2: Their erection just knocked it back out into the tide. 579 00:30:27,320 --> 00:30:32,640 Speaker 1: Yeah, it happened millions of times, just sixteen year old 580 00:30:32,680 --> 00:30:37,480 Speaker 1: boys in Indonesia, in Australia, Korea, just looking for love 581 00:30:37,520 --> 00:30:39,479 Speaker 1: and it just floated right by their legs. 582 00:30:40,760 --> 00:30:44,600 Speaker 2: Nope, just two feet away. They threw it. It just went. 583 00:30:45,040 --> 00:30:48,160 Speaker 2: It just had really bad throwing arms. Just one of those. 584 00:30:49,040 --> 00:30:52,240 Speaker 2: The teenagers penned their letters, which asked boys age sixteen 585 00:30:52,280 --> 00:30:55,160 Speaker 2: to eighteen to write back, making sure to include a 586 00:30:55,520 --> 00:30:58,560 Speaker 2: photograph and hope them for the best. I don't know 587 00:30:58,640 --> 00:31:01,280 Speaker 2: what that means, No wonder they don't. Who writes these articles. 588 00:31:02,680 --> 00:31:05,200 Speaker 2: The Optimistic due included their home addresses. 589 00:31:05,520 --> 00:31:09,640 Speaker 1: Different time, different time, different time, different time. This is 590 00:31:09,720 --> 00:31:10,840 Speaker 1: pre my favorite murder. 591 00:31:11,080 --> 00:31:16,800 Speaker 2: Yeah, sixty six. This is like serial killer, like Central 592 00:31:16,880 --> 00:31:20,640 Speaker 2: Highway nineteen sixty six. They're coming for you. The Optimistic 593 00:31:20,720 --> 00:31:24,240 Speaker 2: duo put their home addresses, signing them off with England. Jennifer, 594 00:31:24,320 --> 00:31:27,240 Speaker 2: who lost touch with Janet after leaving school, later moved 595 00:31:27,280 --> 00:31:34,360 Speaker 2: to Australia and was quote absolutely amazed. No she's not 596 00:31:34,560 --> 00:31:39,640 Speaker 2: Warren Baby from Scunthorpe. Okay, So Tracy was absolutely amazed 597 00:31:39,640 --> 00:31:42,720 Speaker 2: to be contact with news of her teenage letter. A 598 00:31:42,840 --> 00:31:48,720 Speaker 2: woman named Tracy Marshall from Scunthorpe litter Pickers. What say 599 00:31:48,760 --> 00:31:50,680 Speaker 2: it again, Scunthorpe litter pickers. 600 00:31:50,760 --> 00:31:52,680 Speaker 1: Skunk Skunk Thorpe litter Pickers. 601 00:31:52,720 --> 00:31:54,000 Speaker 2: Scunthorpe little Pickers. 602 00:31:54,800 --> 00:31:56,160 Speaker 1: That's another good possibility. 603 00:31:56,480 --> 00:32:01,600 Speaker 2: Yeah, that's gonna be my softball team next year. Skokethorpe litter. Yea, 604 00:32:02,000 --> 00:32:03,240 Speaker 2: that's gone Thorpe litter pickers. 605 00:32:03,360 --> 00:32:06,280 Speaker 1: Scoke Thorpe litter pickers against the sharks. 606 00:32:09,720 --> 00:32:10,600 Speaker 2: Track down are they? 607 00:32:10,640 --> 00:32:10,680 Speaker 1: So? 608 00:32:10,840 --> 00:32:14,080 Speaker 2: They tracked down Janet via Facebook and said, quote, we 609 00:32:14,280 --> 00:32:16,520 Speaker 2: found all sorts of weird and wonderful things in this 610 00:32:16,680 --> 00:32:19,800 Speaker 2: world when we're picking up litter, but we've never ever 611 00:32:19,920 --> 00:32:22,800 Speaker 2: found anything on this scale. It's just brilliant. 612 00:32:22,960 --> 00:32:25,240 Speaker 1: Also, to be honest, when we say word and wonderful, 613 00:32:25,360 --> 00:32:27,920 Speaker 1: we mean mostly cigarette butts and toothbrushes. 614 00:32:28,520 --> 00:32:31,120 Speaker 2: A lot of tampon applicators. Kurt and I went down 615 00:32:31,120 --> 00:32:31,920 Speaker 2: to the Mississippi. 616 00:32:32,040 --> 00:32:35,000 Speaker 1: Why are there so many tampon applicators? This amazing? 617 00:32:35,680 --> 00:32:40,520 Speaker 2: That seems like something that could be biodegradable. I don't know, 618 00:32:41,800 --> 00:32:46,960 Speaker 2: should be mm, shouldn't be? Whatever y'all tell me I 619 00:32:47,000 --> 00:32:48,680 Speaker 2: should say. I'll agree with her right now. 620 00:32:49,880 --> 00:32:52,840 Speaker 1: All of a sudden, our knowledge in a big wall 621 00:32:54,200 --> 00:32:55,880 Speaker 1: about whether they should be. 622 00:32:57,600 --> 00:33:01,080 Speaker 2: I was like, but there are forks that are composed, yeah, 623 00:33:01,560 --> 00:33:09,440 Speaker 2: miss musel Ok you Jennifer now seventy one. Good for her, 624 00:33:11,320 --> 00:33:14,280 Speaker 2: said she had not given her letter a second thought 625 00:33:14,480 --> 00:33:19,400 Speaker 2: since launching it, since poorly launching it fifty years ago 626 00:33:19,560 --> 00:33:23,560 Speaker 2: but was impressed the message had remained dry. Yeah, like 627 00:33:23,680 --> 00:33:25,160 Speaker 2: you said, it's incredible. 628 00:33:25,600 --> 00:33:29,200 Speaker 1: Yeah, it's a cork and it's gotta be a corkinghile blast. 629 00:33:29,520 --> 00:33:32,600 Speaker 2: Yeah, sixty six. Pretty wild. Miss Marshall showed Jennifer the 630 00:33:32,680 --> 00:33:35,600 Speaker 2: letters via a video call, telling her they had a 631 00:33:35,680 --> 00:33:40,280 Speaker 2: real strong smell of humber. So, I don't know, that's 632 00:33:40,320 --> 00:33:41,360 Speaker 2: such a British. 633 00:33:41,120 --> 00:33:44,080 Speaker 1: Saying, I've got a real strong smell of humber. 634 00:33:45,080 --> 00:33:48,920 Speaker 2: For Jennifer, she said the letter appeal did not work. Instead, 635 00:33:49,000 --> 00:33:52,120 Speaker 2: she found her true love later through mutual friends. But 636 00:33:52,400 --> 00:33:55,520 Speaker 2: she added I didn't find my true mate until I 637 00:33:55,680 --> 00:33:56,440 Speaker 2: was forty nine. 638 00:33:56,920 --> 00:34:01,479 Speaker 1: Oh whoa, But she found him and she's seventy now, 639 00:34:01,640 --> 00:34:03,880 Speaker 1: so she's seventy So it was just twenty one years ago. 640 00:34:04,280 --> 00:34:10,400 Speaker 2: Yeah, wow, pretty cool. So I think I told you 641 00:34:10,480 --> 00:34:10,839 Speaker 2: this one. 642 00:34:11,200 --> 00:34:11,399 Speaker 1: Yeah. 643 00:34:11,880 --> 00:34:13,919 Speaker 2: So I moved, like I said, I moved to New York. 644 00:34:14,160 --> 00:34:16,840 Speaker 2: I moved to Brooklyn. I lived in Windsor Terrace my 645 00:34:16,920 --> 00:34:20,560 Speaker 2: whole time in two thousand and four, okay, And I 646 00:34:20,600 --> 00:34:22,640 Speaker 2: had no money, and I had a job that was 647 00:34:22,640 --> 00:34:25,360 Speaker 2: starting a month later for Red Bull, and so I 648 00:34:25,560 --> 00:34:27,160 Speaker 2: just had nothing to do all day, and it was cold. 649 00:34:27,200 --> 00:34:29,239 Speaker 2: It was November so I just walked around the city. 650 00:34:29,320 --> 00:34:31,200 Speaker 2: I just would ride the F train wherever, and I'd 651 00:34:31,239 --> 00:34:33,400 Speaker 2: be like, I want to see Central Park, all the 652 00:34:33,400 --> 00:34:36,360 Speaker 2: stuff you do when you move somewhere. And I was 653 00:34:36,440 --> 00:34:39,200 Speaker 2: walking through the Diamond District, which is like in the forties, 654 00:34:39,280 --> 00:34:43,760 Speaker 2: and there you go. You're working. Well, Jesus, we got cartographers. 655 00:34:43,960 --> 00:34:44,760 Speaker 1: I'm a diamond. 656 00:34:45,000 --> 00:34:49,279 Speaker 2: Yeah, I got a great deal. That's Jared. We went 657 00:34:49,320 --> 00:34:54,000 Speaker 2: to Jared. Until I'm walking through and I look through 658 00:34:54,040 --> 00:34:57,840 Speaker 2: the window of a diamond store and I see Francois 659 00:34:57,920 --> 00:34:58,960 Speaker 2: trufo the director. 660 00:34:59,160 --> 00:35:01,759 Speaker 1: Oh wow, you know know what Francois Truffaux looks like. 661 00:35:01,920 --> 00:35:05,200 Speaker 2: I had just watched Close Encountered the Third Con and 662 00:35:05,360 --> 00:35:07,719 Speaker 2: he's in that. Oh Spielberg cast him in that, and 663 00:35:07,840 --> 00:35:10,920 Speaker 2: I was like, oh my god. And then in college 664 00:35:10,960 --> 00:35:12,840 Speaker 2: I studied everything, but I took French film. So I 665 00:35:12,880 --> 00:35:15,399 Speaker 2: had seen Jewels and Jim and the Four Hundred Blows. 666 00:35:15,400 --> 00:35:16,520 Speaker 2: I'd seen all his famous films. 667 00:35:16,640 --> 00:35:19,320 Speaker 1: If you told me Francois Tufau looked like a croissant 668 00:35:19,400 --> 00:35:22,000 Speaker 1: wearing a white, black and white striped shirt with a 669 00:35:22,080 --> 00:35:24,000 Speaker 1: red thing around his neck, would be like, that sounds. 670 00:35:23,840 --> 00:35:28,520 Speaker 2: Right, not far from the truth. So I had never 671 00:35:28,600 --> 00:35:30,960 Speaker 2: seen any sort of celebrity in my life. I think 672 00:35:31,000 --> 00:35:32,840 Speaker 2: i'd seen Kelly Rippa the day before. That was the 673 00:35:32,880 --> 00:35:37,640 Speaker 2: only one. Very nice lady, and so I was like, was. 674 00:35:37,680 --> 00:35:41,520 Speaker 1: Like, all right, celebrities past dead, anybody? Who are you having? 675 00:35:41,600 --> 00:35:47,160 Speaker 1: Dine it with? Kelly Rippa, Francois Truffau, Ed Warren Baby, 676 00:35:47,320 --> 00:35:51,000 Speaker 1: worn Baby the fucking craziest dinner you've ever. 677 00:35:52,920 --> 00:35:55,080 Speaker 2: Just a bag of Paprika chips, and the four of 678 00:35:55,200 --> 00:35:58,360 Speaker 2: us just looking at each other like did we enjoy this? 679 00:36:00,480 --> 00:36:02,360 Speaker 2: So I go in and I'm like, it's cold. And 680 00:36:02,440 --> 00:36:04,040 Speaker 2: I go in and I'm like, I'm so sorry to 681 00:36:04,120 --> 00:36:06,520 Speaker 2: bother you. Are you frans wat Drew phone? He says yes, 682 00:36:07,160 --> 00:36:09,480 Speaker 2: and I go, I just I'm I saw all your 683 00:36:09,560 --> 00:36:11,560 Speaker 2: films and I'm a huge fan and I just watched 684 00:36:11,560 --> 00:36:13,840 Speaker 2: Close Encounters a Third Kind. And he's like, that's fantastic, 685 00:36:14,360 --> 00:36:16,440 Speaker 2: that's amazing. And he goes, what are you here to do? 686 00:36:16,840 --> 00:36:19,040 Speaker 2: And I go, I'm aspiring writer. I want to write movies. 687 00:36:19,040 --> 00:36:20,520 Speaker 2: I want to write TV shows. He goes, You're going 688 00:36:20,560 --> 00:36:22,160 Speaker 2: to do it. Yeah, I believe in you. You're going 689 00:36:22,239 --> 00:36:23,919 Speaker 2: to do it. He goes, you came to the right place. 690 00:36:24,000 --> 00:36:25,360 Speaker 2: This is the right time to be here. You're going 691 00:36:25,440 --> 00:36:29,080 Speaker 2: to do it. And so we talked for we talked 692 00:36:29,160 --> 00:36:31,360 Speaker 2: for probably like three or four minutes. But we're in 693 00:36:31,440 --> 00:36:33,880 Speaker 2: a diamond store. I've never been in a diamond store since, 694 00:36:34,080 --> 00:36:37,120 Speaker 2: like all diamonds, and like I'm just like, like, poor 695 00:36:37,200 --> 00:36:40,120 Speaker 2: dirt person, and France Wandrewfoe's there, and then all the 696 00:36:40,120 --> 00:36:42,359 Speaker 2: people working there like what, get the fuck out of here, 697 00:36:42,560 --> 00:36:50,360 Speaker 2: like this isn't like miss I'm like, hey, So I'm like, 698 00:36:50,640 --> 00:36:52,279 Speaker 2: thank you for your time. This is so cool. I 699 00:36:52,440 --> 00:36:54,160 Speaker 2: just moved here a few days ago. And he goes, 700 00:36:54,200 --> 00:36:58,080 Speaker 2: do you want a big hug? What really? And I said, yes, 701 00:36:58,120 --> 00:36:59,920 Speaker 2: I do want a big Almost got chills just saying it. 702 00:37:00,120 --> 00:37:03,279 Speaker 2: It's crazy, And I said, yes, I do want a 703 00:37:03,280 --> 00:37:05,160 Speaker 2: big hug. And so I loved him in the middle 704 00:37:05,160 --> 00:37:07,320 Speaker 2: of the diamond store and walked out, and I'm like, 705 00:37:07,800 --> 00:37:10,320 Speaker 2: holy shit, New York is magic. It's a magical past. 706 00:37:11,280 --> 00:37:13,800 Speaker 2: So I ride the train home and my good friend Casey, 707 00:37:14,200 --> 00:37:17,200 Speaker 2: you know, my old Brooklyn roommate, Casey O'Neil, he and 708 00:37:17,320 --> 00:37:19,400 Speaker 2: I are there and he had a real job. He 709 00:37:19,480 --> 00:37:22,120 Speaker 2: worked for a company as a programmer. And he comes 710 00:37:22,160 --> 00:37:23,880 Speaker 2: home and he goes, how's your day? I go, I 711 00:37:23,960 --> 00:37:27,799 Speaker 2: went into Manhattan and I met Francois Truffau. And he goes, 712 00:37:27,840 --> 00:37:29,920 Speaker 2: who's that? And I go, he's like a director, and 713 00:37:30,040 --> 00:37:32,000 Speaker 2: he and Fahrenheit four fifty one. He did all these 714 00:37:32,000 --> 00:37:34,239 Speaker 2: amazing films. He goes, you met him? I go, I 715 00:37:34,360 --> 00:37:36,200 Speaker 2: recognized this. How did you recognize him? I was like, 716 00:37:36,600 --> 00:37:38,880 Speaker 2: I just I had recently seen this movie. I recognized him. 717 00:37:39,280 --> 00:37:42,480 Speaker 2: And he goes, you met Francois Truefaux today? And I 718 00:37:42,560 --> 00:37:45,600 Speaker 2: go yeah, and he goes, France Wall Truefau died in 719 00:37:45,680 --> 00:37:54,600 Speaker 2: nineteen eighty four. So I saw a man. I walked 720 00:37:54,640 --> 00:37:58,320 Speaker 2: into a jewelry store and said, are you Francois Truffaux? 721 00:37:59,440 --> 00:38:02,960 Speaker 2: He said yes. Then I told him all the films 722 00:38:03,000 --> 00:38:05,080 Speaker 2: I liked. He said you're gonna make as a writer, 723 00:38:05,320 --> 00:38:08,600 Speaker 2: and then said do you want a big hug? I said, yes, 724 00:38:09,280 --> 00:38:15,200 Speaker 2: hugged a complete stranger. Twenty years after France Watchfoe was dead. 725 00:38:18,520 --> 00:38:22,200 Speaker 1: Oh that is the most beautiful New York story I've 726 00:38:22,239 --> 00:38:22,960 Speaker 1: ever heard. 727 00:38:25,520 --> 00:38:29,759 Speaker 2: It was unbelievable. Yeah, Casey just googled France watchroofh and goes, really, 728 00:38:29,800 --> 00:38:37,080 Speaker 2: you hugged him today? I go, yeah, you sappy loser. 729 00:38:37,560 --> 00:38:39,680 Speaker 2: I am such a so I was like, I guess 730 00:38:39,719 --> 00:38:42,919 Speaker 2: that's just just how it happens. Oh, there's Spielberg over there. 731 00:38:45,440 --> 00:38:46,160 Speaker 2: Is that crazy? 732 00:38:48,239 --> 00:38:48,279 Speaker 1: So? 733 00:38:48,400 --> 00:38:50,640 Speaker 2: I didn't meet France water Poe. He died three years 734 00:38:50,680 --> 00:38:51,480 Speaker 2: after I was born. 735 00:38:52,920 --> 00:38:55,440 Speaker 1: I do remember, right when I moved to la Lauren 736 00:38:55,480 --> 00:38:57,560 Speaker 1: and I were having dinner somewhere and it was like 737 00:38:57,600 --> 00:39:00,359 Speaker 1: a nice restaurant, and I was like, she's we're talking. 738 00:39:00,440 --> 00:39:04,520 Speaker 1: I was like, I was like Steven Spielberg, it's ring 739 00:39:06,239 --> 00:39:10,360 Speaker 1: and Lauren knows that my ability to recognize people is 740 00:39:10,480 --> 00:39:13,399 Speaker 1: there's zero limited. Yeah, And I was just like, oh, yeah, 741 00:39:15,640 --> 00:39:21,080 Speaker 1: that guy's just wearing a hat, which I. 742 00:39:21,080 --> 00:39:23,040 Speaker 2: Don't think i've I guess I have seen them Jurassic 743 00:39:23,080 --> 00:39:24,600 Speaker 2: Park era. He did wear a ball cap. 744 00:39:24,760 --> 00:39:25,920 Speaker 1: You would always have a ball cap. 745 00:39:26,000 --> 00:39:26,680 Speaker 2: That's right, that's right. 746 00:39:26,760 --> 00:39:28,120 Speaker 1: It was just a guy in a ball cap at 747 00:39:28,120 --> 00:39:31,759 Speaker 1: a fancy restaurant. I was like, who's wearing a ball cap? Yeah, 748 00:39:32,120 --> 00:39:35,800 Speaker 1: at a twenty dollars up entree restaurant. 749 00:39:36,600 --> 00:39:37,960 Speaker 2: I do not know. 750 00:39:38,120 --> 00:39:39,920 Speaker 1: Should we take a little commercial break. Let's take a 751 00:39:39,920 --> 00:39:43,479 Speaker 1: little commercial break. I'll tease this into our next act. 752 00:39:43,640 --> 00:39:45,360 Speaker 1: Here here it is. 753 00:39:45,440 --> 00:39:48,520 Speaker 2: Are you ready I'm ready, buddy boy, let's do this. 754 00:39:48,880 --> 00:39:51,200 Speaker 1: The medical reason you might have to put sugar on 755 00:39:51,320 --> 00:39:52,000 Speaker 1: your butthole. 756 00:39:52,200 --> 00:39:53,520 Speaker 2: You know what was coming. 757 00:39:55,320 --> 00:39:58,239 Speaker 1: Birds, buttholes and bananas, guys, That's why it's we're doing. 758 00:39:58,520 --> 00:40:18,200 Speaker 2: We were back with some more Brooklyn bananas. Bananaa trying 759 00:40:18,239 --> 00:40:21,400 Speaker 2: to bana banana bana. 760 00:40:30,719 --> 00:40:31,719 Speaker 1: We are back. 761 00:40:31,800 --> 00:40:32,720 Speaker 2: We are back. 762 00:40:33,239 --> 00:40:36,719 Speaker 1: Welcome back to where Brooklyn, New York. 763 00:40:36,760 --> 00:40:41,879 Speaker 2: At the bell. We want you to be a big 764 00:40:41,960 --> 00:40:44,040 Speaker 2: part of the show. So everybody on the counter, three 765 00:40:44,200 --> 00:40:47,080 Speaker 2: yell your first name as loud as you can so 766 00:40:47,239 --> 00:40:51,359 Speaker 2: that you can hear yourself on bananas in three weeks, one, two, three. 767 00:40:54,680 --> 00:41:01,280 Speaker 1: I mean, it doesn't ever get less. Funny wall of sound, 768 00:41:01,440 --> 00:41:04,440 Speaker 1: and there it is. Should we get into some shout outs? Yeah, 769 00:41:04,480 --> 00:41:05,399 Speaker 1: give us some shout outs? 770 00:41:05,480 --> 00:41:08,759 Speaker 2: Okay. Claire wants to shout out a podcast she hosts 771 00:41:08,760 --> 00:41:12,000 Speaker 2: called mac Maloney's Military X Files because they talk about 772 00:41:12,239 --> 00:41:15,560 Speaker 2: very weird shit. Right there you go, So Mac Maloney's 773 00:41:15,600 --> 00:41:17,799 Speaker 2: Military X Files. I don't know that could be great, 774 00:41:17,880 --> 00:41:22,560 Speaker 2: thanks Claire. Shout out to Emily and Peter Ruggiero. They 775 00:41:22,640 --> 00:41:24,840 Speaker 2: were supposed to come tonight. He's a private chef and 776 00:41:24,920 --> 00:41:27,440 Speaker 2: the person he cooks for said no, you're cooking for me. 777 00:41:27,600 --> 00:41:32,840 Speaker 2: So they bought tickets, but they're not here. Boo capitalism, 778 00:41:32,920 --> 00:41:36,880 Speaker 2: make your own food, Boom micro, have your own hot pockets, 779 00:41:36,920 --> 00:41:40,919 Speaker 2: you dork. I'm supposed to say, Pete, you're doing great. 780 00:41:44,880 --> 00:41:46,239 Speaker 2: Bonnie Goodheart is here. 781 00:41:46,280 --> 00:41:49,120 Speaker 1: Bonnie Goodheart, give it up for Buddy goodtheart all the way. 782 00:41:50,920 --> 00:41:52,600 Speaker 2: Well, I was going to give her the socks that 783 00:41:52,719 --> 00:41:54,200 Speaker 2: were not sweated upon. 784 00:41:55,280 --> 00:41:59,800 Speaker 1: Sweated or non sweated. Bonnie sweat. 785 00:42:00,080 --> 00:42:03,840 Speaker 2: She's a diard fam Bonnie sent us the candle that 786 00:42:03,920 --> 00:42:08,080 Speaker 2: became the bananas candle, so she invented it. So thank you, 787 00:42:08,200 --> 00:42:12,279 Speaker 2: Bonnie all the way from Georgia. Send us the original Bananda. 788 00:42:13,880 --> 00:42:16,600 Speaker 2: Mike and Joanna, they are here. Mike and Joanna are 789 00:42:16,640 --> 00:42:20,799 Speaker 2: you here? This is their first wedding anniversary and they're here. Yay, 790 00:42:22,280 --> 00:42:25,960 Speaker 2: come on up. Let's give them a time to bloom. 791 00:42:26,040 --> 00:42:28,760 Speaker 2: A love story signed by us. I think you signed 792 00:42:28,760 --> 00:42:34,719 Speaker 2: that one already. And this was written by a bananimal 793 00:42:35,040 --> 00:42:38,960 Speaker 2: named Catherine Bittner. So congratulates. Hey, I'm Scotty. Nice to 794 00:42:39,000 --> 00:42:42,040 Speaker 2: meet you. Hi, nice to meet you. Happy anniversary here. 795 00:42:42,560 --> 00:42:45,160 Speaker 2: Don't go home empty handed. Have some socks that weren't 796 00:42:45,160 --> 00:42:48,760 Speaker 2: sweat on Happy Anniversary. I have a funny story. 797 00:42:48,880 --> 00:42:51,040 Speaker 1: Okay, I love funny stories. 798 00:42:53,600 --> 00:42:56,680 Speaker 2: I already said the expectations way too high. Okay, thanks 799 00:42:56,719 --> 00:42:59,279 Speaker 2: for going on, everybody, and thanks for coming so far. Also, 800 00:42:59,320 --> 00:43:00,800 Speaker 2: we love nor Land and we will be doing a 801 00:43:00,800 --> 00:43:02,680 Speaker 2: show down there at some point, so whoever you brought 802 00:43:02,840 --> 00:43:04,520 Speaker 2: has to get their butts down there and then we'll 803 00:43:04,520 --> 00:43:09,520 Speaker 2: give them a poster. So I walked up through Prospect Park. 804 00:43:09,520 --> 00:43:12,919 Speaker 2: I haven't been there a long time, and something came 805 00:43:13,000 --> 00:43:15,080 Speaker 2: to me. So you, Kurt and I were lucky enough 806 00:43:15,120 --> 00:43:17,319 Speaker 2: to go to the Bob's Burgers movie premiere about two 807 00:43:17,360 --> 00:43:19,600 Speaker 2: months ago, right, yeah, yeah, yeah, if you haven't seen, 808 00:43:19,600 --> 00:43:22,320 Speaker 2: it's great. Christ And Shaw was in it. She invited buddies. 809 00:43:22,400 --> 00:43:25,239 Speaker 2: It is so fun. It's a great movie. While we 810 00:43:25,320 --> 00:43:26,920 Speaker 2: were there, there was some of that Kurt and I 811 00:43:27,000 --> 00:43:30,320 Speaker 2: came up with who I won't name, but we wrote 812 00:43:30,600 --> 00:43:33,160 Speaker 2: together and we made stuff together. And that person works 813 00:43:33,200 --> 00:43:35,080 Speaker 2: on Bob's Burgers now, and I hadn't seen them in 814 00:43:35,080 --> 00:43:37,680 Speaker 2: a year, especially with the Great Koar all that crap. 815 00:43:38,400 --> 00:43:41,840 Speaker 2: So I you know, we're all wearing suits and dresses 816 00:43:41,880 --> 00:43:45,359 Speaker 2: and everybody's dolled up, and it's fun and I go hey, 817 00:43:45,560 --> 00:43:48,480 Speaker 2: and she goes, this is my husband, and I go, 818 00:43:48,880 --> 00:43:51,600 Speaker 2: I met you once before, and he goes, really. I go, 819 00:43:51,680 --> 00:43:54,840 Speaker 2: I met you at the Grand Army Plaza farmers Market 820 00:43:54,880 --> 00:43:57,879 Speaker 2: when you guys first started dating. And she goes, really, 821 00:43:57,960 --> 00:43:59,400 Speaker 2: that's so funny. I don't remember that. 822 00:43:59,400 --> 00:43:59,560 Speaker 1: I go. 823 00:43:59,760 --> 00:44:04,399 Speaker 2: You guys were both wearing roller blades, and they looked 824 00:44:04,400 --> 00:44:06,840 Speaker 2: at me like I was insane, and I go, I 825 00:44:07,000 --> 00:44:10,080 Speaker 2: remember this because it was your first day ever wearing 826 00:44:10,239 --> 00:44:13,640 Speaker 2: roller blades. And you said to me, I don't know 827 00:44:13,719 --> 00:44:17,000 Speaker 2: why we came here. It's our first day wearing roller blades. 828 00:44:17,040 --> 00:44:19,239 Speaker 2: And I go, yeah, Farmer's Market's kind of a bad 829 00:44:19,320 --> 00:44:24,839 Speaker 2: place to try roller blades, especially in Brooklyn. And they 830 00:44:24,880 --> 00:44:27,719 Speaker 2: were like, no, we weren't, and I go, yes, you were. 831 00:44:28,000 --> 00:44:32,360 Speaker 2: They were gaslighting me so hard. I would you know, 832 00:44:32,520 --> 00:44:34,800 Speaker 2: I like details. I was like, I never would have 833 00:44:34,920 --> 00:44:37,960 Speaker 2: made this up. Yeah, but that's my association with her 834 00:44:38,280 --> 00:44:41,960 Speaker 2: then boyfriend now husband. I was like okay, So then 835 00:44:41,960 --> 00:44:43,879 Speaker 2: I was like, oh, maybe I'm wrong. I guess I'm wrong. 836 00:44:44,040 --> 00:44:45,560 Speaker 2: We went and watched the movie, and then for like 837 00:44:45,640 --> 00:44:47,200 Speaker 2: a week I was just thinking. 838 00:44:47,080 --> 00:44:52,879 Speaker 1: Like these motherfuckers now, I God, damn roller blades on well, 839 00:44:52,960 --> 00:44:54,239 Speaker 1: I just never would forget that. 840 00:44:54,320 --> 00:44:56,200 Speaker 2: But I was like, maybe I got this wrong or 841 00:44:56,239 --> 00:44:57,600 Speaker 2: maybe and then I was like maybe that was a 842 00:44:57,640 --> 00:45:00,239 Speaker 2: different guy. I was like, oh shit, it was an 843 00:45:00,280 --> 00:45:03,120 Speaker 2: earlier date. So then I let it go. And then yesterday, 844 00:45:03,239 --> 00:45:06,200 Speaker 2: walking through Granity Plaza Farmer, I walked and it hit me. 845 00:45:06,239 --> 00:45:08,080 Speaker 2: I was like, it was them. It was absolutely them. 846 00:45:08,400 --> 00:45:10,560 Speaker 2: They fucking lied. They were gaslighting me. I think they 847 00:45:10,560 --> 00:45:12,719 Speaker 2: were just embarrassed at the one time that they ran 848 00:45:12,840 --> 00:45:15,359 Speaker 2: into me and I was like, don't do so I'm 849 00:45:15,360 --> 00:45:16,319 Speaker 2: gonna bring it up in La. 850 00:45:16,600 --> 00:45:17,719 Speaker 1: Oh my god, you have to. 851 00:45:17,800 --> 00:45:18,520 Speaker 2: I'm bringing it up. 852 00:45:18,560 --> 00:45:19,880 Speaker 1: Oh my god, you have to. 853 00:45:20,200 --> 00:45:24,279 Speaker 2: It was so they Yes, I'm sure I would never 854 00:45:24,400 --> 00:45:26,040 Speaker 2: forget that for somebody to be like, this is our 855 00:45:26,080 --> 00:45:31,520 Speaker 2: first time and they're just like, yeah, you oysters, acorn squash. 856 00:45:31,239 --> 00:45:33,920 Speaker 1: But also to be like but also to have just 857 00:45:34,000 --> 00:45:35,800 Speaker 1: started dating someone and be like, do you want to 858 00:45:35,880 --> 00:45:38,880 Speaker 1: do rolling for the first time? Do you have insurance 859 00:45:39,040 --> 00:45:40,399 Speaker 1: ERCA two thousand and eight. 860 00:45:41,040 --> 00:45:43,040 Speaker 2: I'm testing to see if you have insurance because I'm 861 00:45:43,080 --> 00:45:44,800 Speaker 2: only going to marry someone neo with health insurance. 862 00:45:44,800 --> 00:45:47,319 Speaker 1: It seems like it was nineteen ninety two and they 863 00:45:47,360 --> 00:45:51,600 Speaker 1: were just like getting brand two thousand and nine. All right, 864 00:45:51,680 --> 00:45:53,880 Speaker 1: here it is the medical reason you might have to 865 00:45:53,920 --> 00:45:55,040 Speaker 1: put sugar on your butthole. 866 00:45:55,160 --> 00:45:58,440 Speaker 2: Okay, I mean okay, Damien just told us a story. 867 00:46:01,040 --> 00:46:04,400 Speaker 1: This is uh from I fucking Love Science, Kurt's favorite website, 868 00:46:04,480 --> 00:46:08,480 Speaker 1: my favorite website because I fucking love science I do. 869 00:46:08,760 --> 00:46:11,239 Speaker 1: And this is by James Felton, who is the. 870 00:46:14,040 --> 00:46:14,640 Speaker 2: Way better. 871 00:46:15,000 --> 00:46:17,440 Speaker 1: Okay, medical reason you might have to put sugar on 872 00:46:17,480 --> 00:46:20,120 Speaker 1: your butthole. And here's the here's the here's the I 873 00:46:20,160 --> 00:46:22,760 Speaker 1: don't know, you don't have to. What's the tagline underneath 874 00:46:22,800 --> 00:46:24,320 Speaker 1: the headline call does anybody know? 875 00:46:25,560 --> 00:46:25,600 Speaker 2: No? 876 00:46:25,760 --> 00:46:26,960 Speaker 1: The byeline is who wrote it? 877 00:46:28,320 --> 00:46:30,840 Speaker 2: The what the sub title? 878 00:46:31,040 --> 00:46:33,680 Speaker 1: So it's a headline on the subtitle. There's definitely someone 879 00:46:33,760 --> 00:46:38,200 Speaker 1: who works at the Times. Here is that a deck 880 00:46:38,600 --> 00:46:42,839 Speaker 1: a depp a depp deck a deck or here's the deck. 881 00:46:43,360 --> 00:46:46,360 Speaker 1: It's sometimes referred to as a sour patch kid or 882 00:46:46,480 --> 00:46:47,120 Speaker 1: sugaring the. 883 00:46:47,200 --> 00:46:49,200 Speaker 2: Rims subtitle sounds yes. 884 00:46:49,600 --> 00:46:51,960 Speaker 1: Also, she could have made that up and I went 885 00:46:52,120 --> 00:46:56,560 Speaker 1: for it. It's a perfect that deck. This wis the 886 00:46:56,719 --> 00:47:00,799 Speaker 1: deck here it is right, So here's a weird one. 887 00:47:01,040 --> 00:47:03,759 Speaker 1: There's more than a zero percent chance of doc that's 888 00:47:03,760 --> 00:47:07,440 Speaker 1: a weird sentence to start with. So here's a weird one. 889 00:47:07,520 --> 00:47:11,319 Speaker 1: There's more than a zero percent chance of doctor sprinkling 890 00:47:11,480 --> 00:47:13,280 Speaker 1: sugar on your butthole someday. 891 00:47:13,520 --> 00:47:13,759 Speaker 2: Okay. 892 00:47:14,280 --> 00:47:17,040 Speaker 1: A video from an ice you nurse named Chennity on 893 00:47:17,239 --> 00:47:18,880 Speaker 1: Instagram went viral recently. 894 00:47:19,280 --> 00:47:21,920 Speaker 2: My favorite a TV of all time. Chanity. 895 00:47:22,680 --> 00:47:28,720 Speaker 1: Medical professional sometimes prescribe anus sugar, that is, regular sugar 896 00:47:29,120 --> 00:47:31,359 Speaker 1: to be put on the anus rather than the butt 897 00:47:31,440 --> 00:47:34,680 Speaker 1: flavored sugar. Oh come on now, don't get them confused. 898 00:47:34,840 --> 00:47:39,880 Speaker 1: Don't get them confused. In the cases of prolapsed anuses, 899 00:47:40,120 --> 00:47:45,399 Speaker 1: Oh fun quote sugar pulls out the excess fluid from 900 00:47:45,480 --> 00:47:52,080 Speaker 1: the prolapsed anus cos think salting a slug. Chenity explains 901 00:47:52,520 --> 00:47:56,759 Speaker 1: in the caption on the Instagram video. Okay, once the 902 00:47:56,960 --> 00:48:00,600 Speaker 1: swelling is down, it usually pops right back in. Yes 903 00:48:00,880 --> 00:48:04,760 Speaker 1: it does, or just it's a little pushed. 904 00:48:05,200 --> 00:48:06,600 Speaker 2: It's all we ever need in life. 905 00:48:07,760 --> 00:48:09,879 Speaker 1: Speaking of this, this is a story that our friend 906 00:48:10,000 --> 00:48:11,200 Speaker 1: Davey had just told us. 907 00:48:11,280 --> 00:48:13,120 Speaker 2: Yeah, tell it, Damien, We're still in your story. 908 00:48:13,120 --> 00:48:16,080 Speaker 1: Well your story, we'll give you money, he said. The 909 00:48:16,280 --> 00:48:18,640 Speaker 1: craziest thing, he said, we were all like trading crazy 910 00:48:18,680 --> 00:48:21,520 Speaker 1: New York stories. Mine was that I once saw a 911 00:48:22,040 --> 00:48:24,279 Speaker 1: like a like a woman. It was a mom with 912 00:48:24,400 --> 00:48:26,560 Speaker 1: two kids in a in a pram I call him 913 00:48:26,560 --> 00:48:29,920 Speaker 1: prams now pushing it off of the the subway, and 914 00:48:30,000 --> 00:48:32,319 Speaker 1: a man just looked over and went, I have two 915 00:48:32,440 --> 00:48:35,400 Speaker 1: bags of oil exactly your same size. 916 00:48:39,080 --> 00:48:43,040 Speaker 2: That's so New York. Say and that and that and that. 917 00:48:43,239 --> 00:48:46,279 Speaker 1: Damien was just like, oh, this is my story. It 918 00:48:46,400 --> 00:48:48,600 Speaker 1: was a guy who came on the subway, took out 919 00:48:48,719 --> 00:48:52,759 Speaker 1: a half, like a half of an avocado that had 920 00:48:52,840 --> 00:48:55,040 Speaker 1: had the skin taken off, so it was just from 921 00:48:55,880 --> 00:48:58,960 Speaker 1: He put it narrow side down on the seat and 922 00:48:59,120 --> 00:49:05,520 Speaker 1: then took off his pants. Just wait just a little bit, No, Dick, No, 923 00:49:05,680 --> 00:49:10,320 Speaker 1: Dick's showing. Dick sat on top of it, stops and 924 00:49:10,360 --> 00:49:11,160 Speaker 1: then got up. 925 00:49:11,120 --> 00:49:16,239 Speaker 2: And it was gone. There you go. Is that the 926 00:49:16,320 --> 00:49:19,520 Speaker 2: a trainer of the two train, you tell me? Or 927 00:49:19,600 --> 00:49:21,520 Speaker 2: the three trade? Maybe that's a three trade? 928 00:49:23,040 --> 00:49:25,280 Speaker 1: Oh? Is that the trader that? Have you been sitting 929 00:49:25,320 --> 00:49:26,560 Speaker 1: on that for this whole time? 930 00:49:28,360 --> 00:49:30,480 Speaker 2: Anyways, we got to sugar our buttholes. Here we go. 931 00:49:33,120 --> 00:49:35,880 Speaker 1: She adds that, of course it's the second half of 932 00:49:35,920 --> 00:49:42,920 Speaker 1: the show. It's a New Friday, all right. She has 933 00:49:43,000 --> 00:49:45,479 Speaker 1: that the technique is sometimes referred to as a sour 934 00:49:45,560 --> 00:49:50,080 Speaker 1: patch kid by medical professionals, presumably out of earshot from 935 00:49:50,120 --> 00:49:52,840 Speaker 1: the patient who's wrecked him is protruding from their anus 936 00:49:54,239 --> 00:49:56,600 Speaker 1: here it is, So, is this true? 937 00:49:56,880 --> 00:49:57,200 Speaker 2: Question? 938 00:49:57,360 --> 00:49:57,600 Speaker 1: Mark? 939 00:49:57,640 --> 00:49:58,240 Speaker 2: Great question? 940 00:49:58,520 --> 00:50:04,239 Speaker 1: Amazingly yes, weird answer, and it's sometimes known oh no. 941 00:50:04,600 --> 00:50:07,360 Speaker 2: Wow, sugar on the butthole for a prolapse statist to 942 00:50:08,239 --> 00:50:13,239 Speaker 2: get her back into gear. Yeah, yeah, oh yeah, he 943 00:50:13,360 --> 00:50:15,320 Speaker 2: has one. He posted on social media. 944 00:50:15,440 --> 00:50:17,839 Speaker 1: Right, he posted about a totally normal guy. 945 00:50:17,880 --> 00:50:19,480 Speaker 2: How did he get so successful? 946 00:50:19,600 --> 00:50:20,200 Speaker 1: It's crazy? 947 00:50:20,719 --> 00:50:21,880 Speaker 2: Bobby's world pretty good. 948 00:50:22,360 --> 00:50:24,320 Speaker 1: Right at the beginning of the pandemic, I did a 949 00:50:24,680 --> 00:50:27,239 Speaker 1: comedy show that was like such a somehow like four 950 00:50:27,400 --> 00:50:30,160 Speaker 1: hospital workers or something. Howie Mandel was hosting. It was 951 00:50:30,239 --> 00:50:32,480 Speaker 1: on Zoom, and it was like right at the top 952 00:50:32,520 --> 00:50:35,719 Speaker 1: of the pandemic where no one knew how to do comedy. Yeah, sure, 953 00:50:35,760 --> 00:50:37,479 Speaker 1: so no one knows how to do comedy on zoom. 954 00:50:37,480 --> 00:50:41,120 Speaker 1: It's horrible. But I did a bit direct to camera. 955 00:50:41,400 --> 00:50:44,440 Speaker 1: There's no laughter or anything like that. So it sounds crazy. 956 00:50:44,719 --> 00:50:49,240 Speaker 1: But what I'm seeing is just Howie Mandel looking directly 957 00:50:49,360 --> 00:50:52,160 Speaker 1: at me, because but that's not what the audience is watched. 958 00:50:52,160 --> 00:50:54,200 Speaker 1: Audience is watching me perform, but I just see Howie 959 00:50:54,239 --> 00:50:54,759 Speaker 1: Mandel like. 960 00:50:54,800 --> 00:51:00,480 Speaker 2: This, I'll lean back for the win four or five full. 961 00:51:00,400 --> 00:51:04,480 Speaker 1: Minutes and then I stopped and he went, all right, 962 00:51:04,680 --> 00:51:09,279 Speaker 1: well that was something, and I was like, fuck you, 963 00:51:09,760 --> 00:51:14,120 Speaker 1: Howie Mandell. Yeah, have you put a rubber glove on 964 00:51:14,280 --> 00:51:19,040 Speaker 1: your head? And that was the top. I know. I 965 00:51:19,120 --> 00:51:20,360 Speaker 1: apologize any Canadians. 966 00:51:20,400 --> 00:51:21,920 Speaker 2: I know he is. You're saying he's a big deal 967 00:51:21,960 --> 00:51:24,759 Speaker 2: to He's the rush of comedy. So is this true? 968 00:51:24,800 --> 00:51:27,319 Speaker 1: Amazingly yes, And it's sometimes known as sugaring the rim, 969 00:51:27,719 --> 00:51:32,920 Speaker 1: with one article describing a doctor scouring the hospital cafeteria 970 00:51:33,000 --> 00:51:36,320 Speaker 1: for packets of sugar for the funniest therapy that actually think. 971 00:51:36,239 --> 00:51:38,480 Speaker 2: This is great, this is fine, This is this is 972 00:51:38,640 --> 00:51:41,440 Speaker 2: like season two of Doctor Quinn Medicine Women. It was 973 00:51:41,640 --> 00:51:43,480 Speaker 2: just a lot of this, well, just a lot of this. 974 00:51:44,120 --> 00:51:47,480 Speaker 1: Look if you guys ever find yourself in this situation, yes, 975 00:51:47,800 --> 00:51:49,080 Speaker 1: and you're gonna get old. 976 00:51:49,320 --> 00:51:49,880 Speaker 2: We all do. 977 00:51:50,239 --> 00:51:53,320 Speaker 1: It's happening, right, you sprinkle a little sugar. 978 00:51:53,400 --> 00:51:55,839 Speaker 2: Then I always carry a little pocket of dominoes right here, 979 00:51:56,160 --> 00:52:00,000 Speaker 2: just in case anything. It's prolapsed nostralan is you're. 980 00:52:02,160 --> 00:52:03,920 Speaker 1: Here's the way you would say it, Okay. In a 981 00:52:04,080 --> 00:52:07,200 Speaker 1: series of case reports, one team of doctors write that 982 00:52:07,360 --> 00:52:13,719 Speaker 1: quote the sprinkling of the endimatus and demy eat them 983 00:52:13,760 --> 00:52:18,440 Speaker 1: at us irreducible prolapse bowel with table showber sucross results 984 00:52:18,480 --> 00:52:23,120 Speaker 1: in a dramatic decrease in bowel edema and the incarcerated 985 00:52:23,400 --> 00:52:29,160 Speaker 1: segment easily reduces. Why is it incarcerated? You lock it 986 00:52:29,320 --> 00:52:33,280 Speaker 1: up and the technique can work when manual reduction techniques 987 00:52:33,400 --> 00:52:36,080 Speaker 1: essentially pushing back in with your fingers had failed. 988 00:52:37,320 --> 00:52:37,600 Speaker 2: Okay. 989 00:52:39,480 --> 00:52:42,480 Speaker 1: If you think this is where the butthole talk stops 990 00:52:42,560 --> 00:52:43,000 Speaker 1: start and. 991 00:52:43,320 --> 00:52:48,719 Speaker 2: We lost bring them back. This is usually when we 992 00:52:48,719 --> 00:52:50,960 Speaker 2: would throw Charlie from OJE up. Just get yeah, yeah, 993 00:52:51,040 --> 00:52:55,000 Speaker 2: get the happy tubes back in your life. Yes. When 994 00:52:55,080 --> 00:52:56,520 Speaker 2: my son was born, yes, sir. 995 00:52:57,320 --> 00:53:03,080 Speaker 1: Yes, Usually you have your first battel movement in the 996 00:53:03,200 --> 00:53:05,920 Speaker 1: first like couple hours, and if it takes a day 997 00:53:06,040 --> 00:53:08,319 Speaker 1: or two, it's like they get a little worried about 998 00:53:08,400 --> 00:53:09,560 Speaker 1: jaundice and stuff like that. 999 00:53:09,960 --> 00:53:10,680 Speaker 2: You don't want them. 1000 00:53:11,120 --> 00:53:14,080 Speaker 1: So I happen to be changing him at the time 1001 00:53:14,120 --> 00:53:17,319 Speaker 1: when he had his first shit excited. I just want 1002 00:53:17,400 --> 00:53:19,760 Speaker 1: everyone to know, and this is something I had no idea. 1003 00:53:20,080 --> 00:53:20,840 Speaker 2: If you've never. 1004 00:53:20,920 --> 00:53:24,040 Speaker 1: Seen a brand new born butthole. 1005 00:53:24,160 --> 00:53:24,600 Speaker 2: I never have. 1006 00:53:25,440 --> 00:53:29,279 Speaker 1: It is it's nothing like any butthole you've ever seen. Well, 1007 00:53:29,680 --> 00:53:32,640 Speaker 1: we'll see every butthole we've ever seen. Is like a 1008 00:53:32,840 --> 00:53:35,960 Speaker 1: sarlac pit, like a like a man, like a man, 1009 00:53:36,120 --> 00:53:39,160 Speaker 1: a man with third degree burns, puckering up to give 1010 00:53:39,200 --> 00:53:43,160 Speaker 1: you a kiss. All right, when you are born, your 1011 00:53:43,280 --> 00:53:47,879 Speaker 1: butthole is pure. It is just a hole, beautiful, There 1012 00:53:48,000 --> 00:53:52,279 Speaker 1: is no it's just perfect. It's a perfect nothing has 1013 00:53:52,440 --> 00:53:55,239 Speaker 1: traveled through it at that point. No guilt because in 1014 00:53:55,400 --> 00:53:59,400 Speaker 1: the womb you are attached to the mother and pooping whatsoever. 1015 00:54:00,320 --> 00:54:03,440 Speaker 1: So the very first shit I was changing when it happened, 1016 00:54:03,840 --> 00:54:05,840 Speaker 1: and it just was like, do you guys know like 1017 00:54:05,880 --> 00:54:07,960 Speaker 1: a cracker bow where you have that peg board where 1018 00:54:07,960 --> 00:54:10,640 Speaker 1: it's just like that. That is what your asshole looks 1019 00:54:10,719 --> 00:54:12,239 Speaker 1: like when you were born. It looks like a peg 1020 00:54:12,320 --> 00:54:16,920 Speaker 1: board hole. That's it. It's not priest, it's nothing. It's 1021 00:54:17,040 --> 00:54:18,520 Speaker 1: just amazing. It's just a hole. 1022 00:54:18,800 --> 00:54:21,360 Speaker 2: It's an educational podcast that opened. 1023 00:54:22,960 --> 00:54:26,279 Speaker 1: And then a piece of shit that was because it 1024 00:54:26,320 --> 00:54:29,200 Speaker 1: had been a couple of days, okay, a piece of shit. 1025 00:54:29,040 --> 00:54:34,120 Speaker 3: That was longer than his whole body, Yes, started to 1026 00:54:34,200 --> 00:54:36,239 Speaker 3: come out to the point where I had to continually 1027 00:54:36,400 --> 00:54:40,840 Speaker 3: move him forward on the changing table. Is that to 1028 00:54:41,000 --> 00:54:44,279 Speaker 3: accommodate the shit that eventually ended up being like one 1029 00:54:44,360 --> 00:54:46,760 Speaker 3: and a half times the size of his whole body. 1030 00:54:47,120 --> 00:54:48,840 Speaker 1: His body was like this, and the shit was just 1031 00:54:48,960 --> 00:54:55,040 Speaker 1: like that. And I'm just saying it was a beautiful moment. 1032 00:54:55,280 --> 00:54:59,080 Speaker 2: It's gorgeous. It's poetry. That's the theater of life. 1033 00:54:58,920 --> 00:55:03,040 Speaker 1: Poetry of motion. Just know, if you are ever feeling 1034 00:55:04,000 --> 00:55:07,279 Speaker 1: like lesser than someone, if you feel like someone is 1035 00:55:07,400 --> 00:55:10,640 Speaker 1: funnier than you, has more money than you always, or 1036 00:55:10,760 --> 00:55:13,279 Speaker 1: is better looking than you every day, I just want 1037 00:55:13,360 --> 00:55:17,000 Speaker 1: you to remember that they have an old, fucked up 1038 00:55:17,080 --> 00:55:22,160 Speaker 1: butthole they did to themselves, and that unifies all of us. 1039 00:55:22,360 --> 00:55:26,359 Speaker 2: That's right. Be proud. It used to be a little 1040 00:55:26,400 --> 00:55:31,600 Speaker 2: trumpet beautiful. He'll You're gonna have to say that at 1041 00:55:31,680 --> 00:55:35,160 Speaker 2: is graduation party. I'm gonna bring it up. I'm gonna 1042 00:55:35,160 --> 00:55:37,000 Speaker 2: be the one Kurt remember that time where he shit 1043 00:55:37,080 --> 00:55:42,080 Speaker 2: twice his length. Anyway, give us our last story, send 1044 00:55:42,160 --> 00:55:46,799 Speaker 2: us home podcast. This will this one will make the cut. 1045 00:55:47,160 --> 00:55:50,920 Speaker 2: Darthuruby sent this in NBC two dot com. That swing 1046 00:55:51,040 --> 00:55:55,560 Speaker 2: in NBC two dot com staff from Naples, Florida. Drunk, 1047 00:55:58,040 --> 00:56:03,400 Speaker 2: drunk shirtless You already knew it. Drunk shirtless Florida man arrested. 1048 00:56:06,480 --> 00:56:11,239 Speaker 2: I mean you just know it every single time. His 1049 00:56:11,400 --> 00:56:16,160 Speaker 2: name's Ben Paget. Drunk, shirtless Florida man arrested after shoveling 1050 00:56:16,239 --> 00:56:18,000 Speaker 2: spaghetti in his mouth at olive garden. 1051 00:56:19,400 --> 00:56:21,440 Speaker 1: I mean that sounds like what you're supposed to do 1052 00:56:21,600 --> 00:56:22,360 Speaker 1: with olive garden. 1053 00:56:22,440 --> 00:56:27,360 Speaker 2: That's right. So what was going on? Fuck Naples? 1054 00:56:27,680 --> 00:56:28,800 Speaker 1: What do you get charged with? 1055 00:56:29,440 --> 00:56:33,360 Speaker 2: Great question? All right? A drunken, shirtless Naples man was 1056 00:56:33,480 --> 00:56:36,359 Speaker 2: arrested at an olive garden Sunday after shoveling spaghetti into 1057 00:56:36,400 --> 00:56:39,279 Speaker 2: his mouth. The police recalled to the olive garden on 1058 00:56:39,400 --> 00:56:44,200 Speaker 2: fifteen sixty five Fifth Street South because thirty two year 1059 00:56:44,200 --> 00:56:47,960 Speaker 2: old Ben Paget was causing a disturbance. Police found Paget 1060 00:56:48,040 --> 00:56:50,840 Speaker 2: sitting on a bench outside near the front door, shirtless, 1061 00:56:50,880 --> 00:56:53,600 Speaker 2: shoveling spaghetti into his mouth with his hands. He had 1062 00:56:53,640 --> 00:56:57,680 Speaker 2: a strong smell of alcohol that was permeating from him 1063 00:56:57,680 --> 00:57:01,040 Speaker 2: as well. When officers asked the man what he was 1064 00:57:01,120 --> 00:57:05,520 Speaker 2: doing on the bench, authority says his response was mumbling profanities. 1065 00:57:07,840 --> 00:57:08,360 Speaker 2: That's fine. 1066 00:57:08,440 --> 00:57:12,080 Speaker 1: I'm fun, I'm tugging, I'm shutuing, shutting, get mouth sucking. 1067 00:57:13,280 --> 00:57:17,720 Speaker 2: As for the call and where he got the spaghetti from, accordingly. 1068 00:57:17,320 --> 00:57:20,480 Speaker 1: Wait, it wasn't olive garden spaghetti. That's a great This 1069 00:57:20,680 --> 00:57:24,080 Speaker 1: is a spaghetti from home, that's right. Uh. 1070 00:57:24,240 --> 00:57:27,640 Speaker 2: According to the report, Paget was asking people for pasta 1071 00:57:27,720 --> 00:57:32,840 Speaker 2: as they walked into the door. When they said no, 1072 00:57:33,240 --> 00:57:36,080 Speaker 2: he then threatened them by saying, I could beat your ass. 1073 00:57:37,920 --> 00:57:40,680 Speaker 2: Not cool. That is not how you get pasta. Apparently 1074 00:57:40,720 --> 00:57:42,480 Speaker 2: it is. Somebody gave it to him. I think somebody 1075 00:57:42,520 --> 00:57:43,280 Speaker 2: got leftovers. 1076 00:57:43,400 --> 00:57:43,600 Speaker 1: Yeah. 1077 00:57:44,440 --> 00:57:47,280 Speaker 2: Before the cops placed him in cuffs, he was given 1078 00:57:47,280 --> 00:57:49,160 Speaker 2: a paper towel to wipe the spaghetti off his face, 1079 00:57:49,200 --> 00:57:51,920 Speaker 2: but inside the police car, he kicked the divider repeatedly 1080 00:57:52,000 --> 00:57:56,880 Speaker 2: and yelled for more pasta. We all been drunk and 1081 00:57:57,000 --> 00:58:01,200 Speaker 2: binge eating some food. So he he was charged for 1082 00:58:01,480 --> 00:58:05,480 Speaker 2: a non violent resisting arrest charge. And that is it 1083 00:58:06,400 --> 00:58:13,280 Speaker 2: our shirtless drunk shoveling pasta. So yes, I think you 1084 00:58:13,440 --> 00:58:19,040 Speaker 2: know this story because you were there. So the Kurdy 1085 00:58:19,080 --> 00:58:21,120 Speaker 2: b told a story a while ago when we were 1086 00:58:21,160 --> 00:58:24,680 Speaker 2: in New Orleans once and he was naked on the 1087 00:58:24,720 --> 00:58:26,760 Speaker 2: third floor of his hotel and couldn't get back up, 1088 00:58:26,880 --> 00:58:29,360 Speaker 2: and Lauren yelled at him, and he thought he was 1089 00:58:29,400 --> 00:58:30,480 Speaker 2: time traveling. 1090 00:58:30,240 --> 00:58:32,360 Speaker 1: Because I had just read the Time Traveler's wife. 1091 00:58:32,440 --> 00:58:35,440 Speaker 2: Yep cried his eyes out ball the entire time. So 1092 00:58:35,560 --> 00:58:37,520 Speaker 2: that same night we all went out to dinner. And 1093 00:58:37,640 --> 00:58:40,040 Speaker 2: at dinner we were at Luke, a very good restaurant, 1094 00:58:40,080 --> 00:58:41,520 Speaker 2: and a friend goes, should we get a party bus? 1095 00:58:41,640 --> 00:58:44,280 Speaker 2: This was ten adults all. It was a co bachelor 1096 00:58:44,360 --> 00:58:47,120 Speaker 2: battery party man and women. So we get one and 1097 00:58:47,240 --> 00:58:51,720 Speaker 2: we're listening to the Drive soundtrack on repeat. Uh is 1098 00:58:51,760 --> 00:58:53,440 Speaker 2: the one. The first time in my life I ever 1099 00:58:53,560 --> 00:58:55,360 Speaker 2: drank a five hour Energy, which is a good thing 1100 00:58:55,400 --> 00:58:58,600 Speaker 2: to drink at ten pm in New Orleans after drinking 1101 00:58:58,640 --> 00:59:01,840 Speaker 2: for twelve hours. And so we go out and the 1102 00:59:01,920 --> 00:59:04,080 Speaker 2: big plan the next day was that all ten of 1103 00:59:04,160 --> 00:59:05,560 Speaker 2: us were going to get up and we were going 1104 00:59:05,600 --> 00:59:07,440 Speaker 2: to meet in the lobby at ten am and eleven am. 1105 00:59:07,480 --> 00:59:09,960 Speaker 2: We're going to do an airboat tour and see gators. 1106 00:59:10,040 --> 00:59:12,120 Speaker 2: We're gonna see gators and all this stuff you see 1107 00:59:12,440 --> 00:59:15,440 Speaker 2: class scare boat. So I wake up, I shower, I 1108 00:59:15,520 --> 00:59:17,520 Speaker 2: brush my teeth, my phone is plugged in, I have 1109 00:59:17,720 --> 00:59:20,760 Speaker 2: cash in my wallet, all my cards are there. Total success. 1110 00:59:25,840 --> 00:59:28,640 Speaker 2: I go down to the lobby at ten am. No 1111 00:59:28,720 --> 00:59:31,440 Speaker 2: one else is there. I walk up to the this 1112 00:59:31,560 --> 00:59:33,600 Speaker 2: is the w that's no longer there on Poydriss. I 1113 00:59:33,680 --> 00:59:36,040 Speaker 2: walk up to the bartender and it's a very it's 1114 00:59:36,280 --> 00:59:39,439 Speaker 2: a blonde. Excuse me, a brunette bartender? Who is there? 1115 00:59:39,600 --> 00:59:41,960 Speaker 2: I guess the whole time we're there. And as I 1116 00:59:42,040 --> 00:59:46,920 Speaker 2: walk up, she says to me beef top beef. And 1117 00:59:47,040 --> 00:59:50,200 Speaker 2: I said what. She goes, beef top beef and I go, 1118 00:59:50,480 --> 00:59:51,720 Speaker 2: what are you talking about? And she goes, are you 1119 00:59:51,760 --> 00:59:56,160 Speaker 2: fucking kidding me right now? I go, I have no 1120 00:59:56,280 --> 00:59:59,120 Speaker 2: idea what you're talking about. She goes, beef top beef. 1121 00:59:59,520 --> 01:00:03,280 Speaker 2: I go, I don't know what you're saying. I said, 1122 01:00:03,360 --> 01:00:08,000 Speaker 2: beef top beef and she goes, are you kidding? Last night? 1123 01:00:08,280 --> 01:00:10,880 Speaker 2: You and your friends a redhead, a guy with a beard, 1124 01:00:10,920 --> 01:00:14,200 Speaker 2: our friend Rob, a blonde Lauren, and our buddy Matt Oberg. 1125 01:00:14,320 --> 01:00:16,440 Speaker 2: She was like, you guys showed up at midnight and 1126 01:00:16,560 --> 01:00:18,959 Speaker 2: the only thing you would say to me was beef 1127 01:00:19,040 --> 01:00:23,800 Speaker 2: top beef, and then you would slide me money and 1128 01:00:23,920 --> 01:00:26,760 Speaker 2: I would give you guys drinks. And I go, I said, 1129 01:00:26,880 --> 01:00:29,040 Speaker 2: beef top beef. She goes for two and a half 1130 01:00:29,160 --> 01:00:32,120 Speaker 2: hours until I closed. You would only say to your 1131 01:00:32,200 --> 01:00:37,280 Speaker 2: friends beef top beef and then laugh and then buy 1132 01:00:37,360 --> 01:00:40,160 Speaker 2: more drinks. And I go, im, it wasn't that you 1133 01:00:40,200 --> 01:00:40,800 Speaker 2: would laugh. 1134 01:00:40,960 --> 01:00:43,520 Speaker 1: You would say it, and then you thought you had 1135 01:00:43,600 --> 01:00:45,480 Speaker 1: said the funniest thing you've ever heard. 1136 01:00:48,600 --> 01:00:51,400 Speaker 2: I don't know what that means. I've never said it 1137 01:00:51,520 --> 01:00:52,520 Speaker 2: before or since. 1138 01:00:52,960 --> 01:00:55,720 Speaker 1: I remember the moment it started, Okay. 1139 01:00:55,720 --> 01:00:57,200 Speaker 2: This is good to know, this is intel. 1140 01:00:58,160 --> 01:01:01,840 Speaker 1: We got to a bar and Scotty was like, I'll 1141 01:01:01,880 --> 01:01:04,080 Speaker 1: go get us all drinks, and then we forgot that 1142 01:01:04,160 --> 01:01:06,040 Speaker 1: he had said that, and then we all just left 1143 01:01:06,160 --> 01:01:06,440 Speaker 1: the bar. 1144 01:01:06,760 --> 01:01:08,520 Speaker 2: Yeh, that's right, and got into a. 1145 01:01:08,600 --> 01:01:11,880 Speaker 1: Car and went to another bar, and then Scotty had 1146 01:01:12,000 --> 01:01:16,520 Speaker 1: come out with ten vodka sodas. We got to the 1147 01:01:16,640 --> 01:01:19,560 Speaker 1: other bar. We're there for like ten minutes, and then 1148 01:01:19,560 --> 01:01:20,920 Speaker 1: we're like, where's Scotty. 1149 01:01:21,200 --> 01:01:23,320 Speaker 2: Yeah, They're like, oh no. 1150 01:01:23,760 --> 01:01:26,960 Speaker 1: And then we went back to the bar and Scotty 1151 01:01:27,120 --> 01:01:30,920 Speaker 1: had ten vodka sodas, most of which had been drunk already. 1152 01:01:34,680 --> 01:01:35,360 Speaker 2: That's what I did. 1153 01:01:35,480 --> 01:01:38,240 Speaker 1: Be got in the back of the cab. I was 1154 01:01:38,280 --> 01:01:39,920 Speaker 1: in the front seat, and I just remember he was 1155 01:01:39,960 --> 01:01:41,760 Speaker 1: in the middle, and I just looked back. I was like, 1156 01:01:41,800 --> 01:01:43,840 Speaker 1: all right, buddy, just like leave that, babe. 1157 01:01:46,440 --> 01:01:52,040 Speaker 2: So I go, I'm very sorry. I ordered tequila grapefruit, 1158 01:01:52,320 --> 01:01:55,960 Speaker 2: and I don't know what beef top beef means. Nobody 1159 01:01:56,160 --> 01:01:58,320 Speaker 2: comes down, nobody has joined me. Now it's like ten 1160 01:01:58,440 --> 01:02:01,120 Speaker 2: thirty forty five. I realized on my buddies are so hungover. 1161 01:02:01,440 --> 01:02:03,240 Speaker 2: And then I found out Kurt had been time traveling 1162 01:02:03,320 --> 01:02:06,360 Speaker 2: that night. So I go, where's the bathroom. She goes, 1163 01:02:06,400 --> 01:02:08,480 Speaker 2: you go down to the restaurant. It's called Woods, and 1164 01:02:08,680 --> 01:02:10,360 Speaker 2: you it's in the back. It's in the hotel back. 1165 01:02:10,560 --> 01:02:12,640 Speaker 2: And so I walked through Woods and there's a bar 1166 01:02:12,800 --> 01:02:14,880 Speaker 2: back cutting limes and I walked by and he goes, 1167 01:02:14,960 --> 01:02:20,280 Speaker 2: beef Top Beef and I go, yeah, you guys, I 1168 01:02:20,360 --> 01:02:22,040 Speaker 2: got a p I'll be right back. So I come 1169 01:02:22,080 --> 01:02:23,840 Speaker 2: back out in the bartender and the bar back are there. 1170 01:02:23,880 --> 01:02:27,760 Speaker 2: I go, what's up? He goes beef Top Beef and 1171 01:02:27,880 --> 01:02:29,360 Speaker 2: I go, where are we here? He goes, yeah, because 1172 01:02:29,400 --> 01:02:32,000 Speaker 2: the lobby bar closes at two am. We stay open 1173 01:02:32,160 --> 01:02:34,680 Speaker 2: till six. Al I got there, we closed. He goes, oh, yeah, 1174 01:02:34,800 --> 01:02:38,120 Speaker 2: you walked up to me, said beef Top beef handed 1175 01:02:38,160 --> 01:02:44,200 Speaker 2: me your credit card. Your friends yelled whiskeys, so then 1176 01:02:44,200 --> 01:02:46,720 Speaker 2: I brought them all whiskeuys. So then all the buddies 1177 01:02:46,800 --> 01:02:49,480 Speaker 2: come down and everybody survives, and Kurt hadn't. We were 1178 01:02:49,480 --> 01:02:51,560 Speaker 2: all still trying to figure out the night before, and 1179 01:02:53,920 --> 01:02:56,720 Speaker 2: so I'm like, sorry, guys, we missed the airboat by hours, hours, 1180 01:02:56,840 --> 01:02:58,960 Speaker 2: Like we didn't have a chance. Yeah, we went got gombo. 1181 01:02:59,480 --> 01:03:01,760 Speaker 2: And then as I'm walking out the lobby, I'm like, yeah, 1182 01:03:01,760 --> 01:03:03,680 Speaker 2: I don't know. I wasn't even going to tell these guys. 1183 01:03:03,840 --> 01:03:07,280 Speaker 2: And then the entire hotel staff at the check in 1184 01:03:07,480 --> 01:03:14,000 Speaker 2: goes beef top beer. And that's when I remembered that 1185 01:03:14,160 --> 01:03:16,280 Speaker 2: I had stayed with Kurt and Laren the night before. 1186 01:03:16,720 --> 01:03:20,800 Speaker 2: So I had checked into the hotel saying only beef 1187 01:03:20,920 --> 01:03:22,160 Speaker 2: Top Beef, just. 1188 01:03:22,360 --> 01:03:25,360 Speaker 1: Haiding identification and credit cards over to them. 1189 01:03:25,640 --> 01:03:28,000 Speaker 2: And that's why New Orleans is the best city, because 1190 01:03:28,040 --> 01:03:31,480 Speaker 2: they were like, give them a room, caepe serving them. 1191 01:03:33,880 --> 01:03:37,240 Speaker 1: And the fact that you had stayed with us the 1192 01:03:37,360 --> 01:03:41,120 Speaker 1: night before was a key element in my confusion, right, 1193 01:03:41,800 --> 01:03:47,600 Speaker 1: because I had gone to bed and then slept walk 1194 01:03:47,720 --> 01:03:51,440 Speaker 1: in my sleep totally. So I came to like became 1195 01:03:51,520 --> 01:03:57,600 Speaker 1: aware of my surroundings. Totally nude holding a stranger's house keys, yes, 1196 01:03:58,760 --> 01:04:01,320 Speaker 1: And I didn't have my car to get back up 1197 01:04:01,360 --> 01:04:03,280 Speaker 1: to the rooms. So it was we were staying on 1198 01:04:03,280 --> 01:04:05,560 Speaker 1: the twenty second floor and I was on the third floor, 1199 01:04:05,720 --> 01:04:07,760 Speaker 1: and I like went into the elevator and I was 1200 01:04:07,800 --> 01:04:09,760 Speaker 1: like hitting twenty two and it wouldn't work. And so 1201 01:04:09,840 --> 01:04:11,800 Speaker 1: then I'm just and then people would like come to 1202 01:04:11,880 --> 01:04:13,920 Speaker 1: go back to their rooms and I would just run 1203 01:04:14,000 --> 01:04:17,640 Speaker 1: in a court. There's nowhere to hide. Six in a 1204 01:04:17,800 --> 01:04:20,920 Speaker 1: double hotel is just a square that you can just 1205 01:04:21,040 --> 01:04:23,960 Speaker 1: continually run around and hide and traps like. 1206 01:04:24,000 --> 01:04:26,479 Speaker 2: A rat in the cage, trapped like a six foot 1207 01:04:26,640 --> 01:04:30,440 Speaker 2: white nude house keys holding rats. 1208 01:04:30,560 --> 01:04:32,280 Speaker 1: I have so much keys, And I was like, whose 1209 01:04:32,440 --> 01:04:35,760 Speaker 1: keys are these? You don't know your friend what your 1210 01:04:35,800 --> 01:04:40,000 Speaker 1: friend's keys look like. And then I decide to climb up. 1211 01:04:40,120 --> 01:04:43,120 Speaker 1: And as I'm climbing up the stairs and stairs, and 1212 01:04:43,200 --> 01:04:47,720 Speaker 1: I was climbing up whatever nineteen stories, yes, and midway 1213 01:04:47,800 --> 01:04:49,760 Speaker 1: through a man who works there, who had probably been 1214 01:04:49,840 --> 01:04:51,480 Speaker 1: watching me on a monitor. 1215 01:04:51,720 --> 01:04:54,080 Speaker 2: Sweet older black whole time. 1216 01:04:54,640 --> 01:04:56,960 Speaker 1: He just came up and he had a robe for me, 1217 01:04:57,840 --> 01:05:00,760 Speaker 1: and he said, looks like you've been sleepwalking. 1218 01:05:00,880 --> 01:05:03,480 Speaker 2: What an out, What a generous gesture. 1219 01:05:03,720 --> 01:05:06,280 Speaker 1: But I had just read this book, The Time Traveler's Wife, 1220 01:05:06,320 --> 01:05:09,040 Speaker 1: in which he time travels against his will and shows 1221 01:05:09,120 --> 01:05:11,040 Speaker 1: up in places totally naked and doesn't know. 1222 01:05:11,040 --> 01:05:12,959 Speaker 2: Where he is. It happens all the time. 1223 01:05:13,160 --> 01:05:15,560 Speaker 1: I looked at this kind man and I said, I've 1224 01:05:15,640 --> 01:05:19,800 Speaker 1: been time traveling. And I walked away from that man. 1225 01:05:20,240 --> 01:05:25,440 Speaker 2: Yes you did. All right, let's do these confessions, right, Okay, 1226 01:05:26,920 --> 01:05:30,439 Speaker 2: could somebody grab us the confessions box and we're gonna 1227 01:05:30,440 --> 01:05:33,520 Speaker 2: get you guys out of here. We got sixteen minutes 1228 01:05:33,600 --> 01:05:36,479 Speaker 2: to get you the f out. You're gonna get your line. 1229 01:05:36,520 --> 01:05:38,240 Speaker 1: But I do want to say when I did show 1230 01:05:38,320 --> 01:05:40,560 Speaker 1: up to the room, oh boy, I was banging on 1231 01:05:40,640 --> 01:05:42,960 Speaker 1: the door and Lauren was not coming to the door. 1232 01:05:43,000 --> 01:05:44,760 Speaker 1: And then finally that man was there. He let me 1233 01:05:44,880 --> 01:05:48,400 Speaker 1: into my room and I was like, thank you very much. 1234 01:05:48,800 --> 01:05:50,680 Speaker 1: And then I came in. I was like, baby, wake up, 1235 01:05:50,720 --> 01:05:53,520 Speaker 1: wake up, baby, wake up. I've been time traveling. I've 1236 01:05:53,560 --> 01:05:55,960 Speaker 1: been all over the place, and Lauren from bed just 1237 01:05:56,080 --> 01:06:07,240 Speaker 1: kept going not my problem, all right, So these are 1238 01:06:07,320 --> 01:06:08,120 Speaker 1: your confessions. 1239 01:06:08,160 --> 01:06:12,880 Speaker 2: Your confession's anonymous. If you heard the Denver episode, Holy shit, 1240 01:06:13,200 --> 01:06:21,680 Speaker 2: they lost their minds. I shit in a pumpkin. Once 1241 01:06:24,400 --> 01:06:29,560 Speaker 2: you are absolved, thank you too. Oh. 1242 01:06:29,720 --> 01:06:32,760 Speaker 1: If you're an asshole at Starbucks, I give you decaf. 1243 01:06:33,200 --> 01:06:41,320 Speaker 2: Oh I love that. Great confession. I once had the 1244 01:06:41,400 --> 01:06:44,600 Speaker 2: best sex of my life with my sister's boss. My 1245 01:06:44,720 --> 01:06:48,160 Speaker 2: sister's boss. That's cool. That's not a confession, that's just awesome. 1246 01:06:48,280 --> 01:06:50,360 Speaker 2: Good for you, you're absolved. 1247 01:06:50,520 --> 01:06:53,920 Speaker 1: This is very funny. I used to send people quote 1248 01:06:54,000 --> 01:06:58,240 Speaker 1: feels like the first time, or quote December nineteen sixty 1249 01:06:58,320 --> 01:07:00,800 Speaker 1: three after we hooked up to convinced them that they 1250 01:07:00,880 --> 01:07:04,840 Speaker 1: took my virginity. Lots of stress on their end. Funny 1251 01:07:04,960 --> 01:07:12,680 Speaker 1: for me, Thank you, thank you. What's your name? Any 1252 01:07:14,480 --> 01:07:18,720 Speaker 1: great name? Wait? What is October December nineteen sixty three? 1253 01:07:18,840 --> 01:07:24,600 Speaker 1: Mean it's the song? Okay, all right, great, don't know it. 1254 01:07:25,720 --> 01:07:27,680 Speaker 1: I used to have a joke where it was where 1255 01:07:27,760 --> 01:07:29,920 Speaker 1: it was, I think, if you'll, if you want to 1256 01:07:30,000 --> 01:07:32,400 Speaker 1: never forget, you should name your dog nine to eleven. 1257 01:07:32,760 --> 01:07:35,480 Speaker 2: Yeah, that's a good way. That's been long enough, guys, 1258 01:07:35,560 --> 01:07:36,320 Speaker 2: twenty one year old. 1259 01:07:37,200 --> 01:07:39,040 Speaker 1: And then the follow and then the tag to it 1260 01:07:39,360 --> 01:07:42,760 Speaker 1: was I'm gonna name my next dog nine to eleven 1261 01:07:42,920 --> 01:07:45,440 Speaker 1: after my first dog December seventh, ninth. 1262 01:07:45,560 --> 01:07:48,280 Speaker 2: I mean, what we're doing right now, we're losing them. 1263 01:07:48,640 --> 01:07:53,160 Speaker 2: I slept with my second cousin. Okay, yes, but your 1264 01:07:53,280 --> 01:08:00,480 Speaker 2: second cousin is your cousin's child, right, No, it doesn't. 1265 01:08:00,640 --> 01:08:00,800 Speaker 1: Is that? 1266 01:08:01,440 --> 01:08:09,640 Speaker 2: What's a second marriage? Shared grandparents? Still not ideal. But 1267 01:08:09,760 --> 01:08:11,320 Speaker 2: you're absolved. We don't mind. 1268 01:08:13,680 --> 01:08:16,960 Speaker 1: I once masturbated with the hilt of a high quality 1269 01:08:17,400 --> 01:08:24,880 Speaker 1: foam Zelda sword. Nice, high quality, nice, definitely high quality. 1270 01:08:25,080 --> 01:08:25,719 Speaker 2: That's excited. 1271 01:08:25,800 --> 01:08:27,080 Speaker 1: Elda swords out there. 1272 01:08:27,960 --> 01:08:30,479 Speaker 2: I can see my neighbor in the shower every time, 1273 01:08:30,600 --> 01:08:34,400 Speaker 2: and it's the best part of my morning. Whoa New York, 1274 01:08:34,640 --> 01:08:40,400 Speaker 2: very New York. Well this is insane. All right, call 1275 01:08:40,520 --> 01:08:43,320 Speaker 2: my parole officer, Jason. I'm going to jail. 1276 01:08:43,400 --> 01:08:45,600 Speaker 1: I saw a guy little recently, so I threw the 1277 01:08:45,640 --> 01:08:46,840 Speaker 1: bag of dog poop I was. 1278 01:08:46,920 --> 01:08:51,600 Speaker 2: Carrying in his car. I love to hear it. We 1279 01:08:51,880 --> 01:08:52,600 Speaker 2: love to hear it. 1280 01:08:52,800 --> 01:08:55,000 Speaker 1: Turns out he lives across the street from me. 1281 01:08:57,240 --> 01:09:02,120 Speaker 2: Interesting, this is a good one. This is you're absolved. Uh. 1282 01:09:02,840 --> 01:09:06,120 Speaker 2: I have lied about my degree for every job. I 1283 01:09:06,200 --> 01:09:10,800 Speaker 2: am now the vice president of my company. Yes, you 1284 01:09:10,920 --> 01:09:15,120 Speaker 2: are absolved. That is an awesome lie. Keep it up. Forever. 1285 01:09:17,240 --> 01:09:19,719 Speaker 1: As a kid, I would sometimes use my mom's powder 1286 01:09:19,800 --> 01:09:22,120 Speaker 1: puff for her face makeup on my butt. 1287 01:09:23,720 --> 01:09:26,439 Speaker 2: Yeah, they were bigger back then. I still felt weird 1288 01:09:26,479 --> 01:09:30,360 Speaker 2: about it. I went on a day two nights ago 1289 01:09:30,439 --> 01:09:35,000 Speaker 2: and puked after we had sex. I don't think that 1290 01:09:35,120 --> 01:09:38,360 Speaker 2: they know. Well, that's fine. Then you fucking are great 1291 01:09:38,400 --> 01:09:41,880 Speaker 2: at your job. That's awesome. Keep it up. That's it empty, 1292 01:09:42,120 --> 01:09:45,960 Speaker 2: that's blank. We're gonna find some juicies. Let's do three 1293 01:09:46,120 --> 01:09:46,760 Speaker 2: more curty b. 1294 01:09:46,840 --> 01:09:47,599 Speaker 1: Okay, sounds good. 1295 01:09:48,040 --> 01:09:49,880 Speaker 2: This is just a sweet one. Let's just give this 1296 01:09:49,960 --> 01:09:51,960 Speaker 2: person a round of applause. I'm quitting my nine to 1297 01:09:52,040 --> 01:09:54,320 Speaker 2: five job in two weeks, and I don't have a backup. 1298 01:09:55,360 --> 01:10:02,679 Speaker 2: Good fuck that job. Fuck that job unless you're a surgeon, 1299 01:10:03,280 --> 01:10:04,920 Speaker 2: but don't do it. Keep your buck. 1300 01:10:06,000 --> 01:10:08,320 Speaker 1: I ate forty seven popsicles today. 1301 01:10:08,720 --> 01:10:15,879 Speaker 2: Nice, nice, holy loves. Look at all this alcohol. 1302 01:10:16,720 --> 01:10:19,720 Speaker 1: The second time I had sex, I was eighteen. What 1303 01:10:19,880 --> 01:10:22,280 Speaker 1: to do and the condom was lost inside of me. 1304 01:10:22,720 --> 01:10:25,400 Speaker 1: Two days later, I was sitting on the couch, felt 1305 01:10:25,479 --> 01:10:28,320 Speaker 1: an item and yanked out said two day old condom 1306 01:10:28,720 --> 01:10:31,960 Speaker 1: in front of my mother. That's how she found out 1307 01:10:32,000 --> 01:10:33,040 Speaker 1: I was having sex. 1308 01:10:36,040 --> 01:10:37,960 Speaker 2: Maybe we'll do a couple more. Maybe we'll do a 1309 01:10:38,000 --> 01:10:46,880 Speaker 2: couple more. That was pretty juicy. Oh, this one is insane, Brooklyn. Yes, 1310 01:10:48,800 --> 01:10:53,000 Speaker 2: I'm laundering fifty thousand dollars for a weed dealer. Yes, 1311 01:10:54,960 --> 01:11:01,559 Speaker 2: that's awesome. Whoa Ozarks taught us? How Ozark's taught us? 1312 01:11:01,880 --> 01:11:03,320 Speaker 1: This is Ozark's dumbo. 1313 01:11:07,160 --> 01:11:10,479 Speaker 2: Ooh remember the one we said on a minnisode. I 1314 01:11:10,520 --> 01:11:12,760 Speaker 2: think it came out about the woman who and his 1315 01:11:12,920 --> 01:11:14,920 Speaker 2: little girl would crawl into her older sister's bed and 1316 01:11:15,040 --> 01:11:16,519 Speaker 2: then wet the bed and then get out in the 1317 01:11:16,560 --> 01:11:18,680 Speaker 2: middle of the night. Yeah, that was a great one. 1318 01:11:19,120 --> 01:11:21,479 Speaker 2: Growing up, when I was mad at my sister, I 1319 01:11:21,520 --> 01:11:26,719 Speaker 2: would secretly dunk her toothbrush in the toilet. I actually 1320 01:11:26,800 --> 01:11:29,000 Speaker 2: have also done this in the last couple of years. 1321 01:11:31,040 --> 01:11:35,280 Speaker 2: You are absolved. Also, stop you can stop that one. 1322 01:11:35,560 --> 01:11:38,240 Speaker 2: That one's a stop. That one's a stop at You're absolved. 1323 01:11:38,320 --> 01:11:39,920 Speaker 1: Oh, this is a great one. I think we can 1324 01:11:40,040 --> 01:11:42,679 Speaker 1: end on this one here. It took me forty years 1325 01:11:42,760 --> 01:11:44,880 Speaker 1: to figure out I was gay and I ate pussy 1326 01:11:44,960 --> 01:11:47,599 Speaker 1: for the first time last week. I'm so fucking goods. 1327 01:11:49,720 --> 01:11:54,120 Speaker 1: Thank you very much, Brooklyn, Thank you Brooklyn. Let's add 1328 01:11:54,200 --> 01:11:58,599 Speaker 1: this way, you guys say Bananas one Tetray. 1329 01:12:00,760 --> 01:12:13,960 Speaker 2: Good Night, Thank You Brooklyn, good Night. Bananas is an 1330 01:12:14,000 --> 01:12:15,519 Speaker 2: exactly right media production. 1331 01:12:15,720 --> 01:12:17,879 Speaker 1: Our producer and engineer is Katie Levine. 1332 01:12:18,320 --> 01:12:21,559 Speaker 2: The catchy Bananas theme song was composed and performed by Kahon. 1333 01:12:21,800 --> 01:12:25,200 Speaker 1: Artwork for Bananas was designed by Travis Millard and. 1334 01:12:25,280 --> 01:12:28,320 Speaker 2: Our benevolent overlords are the Great Karen Kilgareff and Georgia 1335 01:12:28,360 --> 01:12:28,880 Speaker 2: Hartstart 1336 01:12:28,960 --> 01:12:31,719 Speaker 1: And Lisa Maggott is our full human, not a robot 1337 01:12:31,840 --> 01:12:32,240 Speaker 1: intern