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Speaker 1: Hey, this is Sam.

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Speaker 2: This is John, your og Okay Storytime podcast host, and

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Speaker 2: we got.

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Speaker 1: Some delicious, juicy stories coming up.

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Speaker 2: But if you want to hear that deliciousness, you know,

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Speaker 2: just stick around for a two minute break with a

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Speaker 2: word from our sponsors.

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Speaker 3: I want to exclude my cousin from my wedding because

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Speaker 3: he's trouble.

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Speaker 1: Ah these menacing kids.

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Speaker 3: Background on my engagement I twenty five female in my

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Speaker 3: fiance Craig twenty five mail got engaged in June of

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Speaker 3: twenty twenty four. We've been dating for almost seven years

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Speaker 3: and have lived together for three out of those years.

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Speaker 3: Our wedding is in the fall of twenty twenty five.

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Speaker 3: By the way, this comes from user hot Potato oh

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Speaker 3: eight one to nine, and if you want to submit

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Speaker 3: your own stories, go to the r slash Okay storytime subreddit.

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Speaker 3: So background on my cousin Adam twenty seven male was

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Speaker 3: born with a physical disability. He is able to live

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Speaker 3: fully independently, has played multiple sports growing up, drives and

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Speaker 3: makes his own decisions about his health. My family has

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Speaker 3: been extremely supportive of his achievements, attending sporting events, participate

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Speaker 3: bidding in his team's fundraisers, including him in holidays and

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Speaker 3: attending his birthday parties, facilitating tutoring hours for a college scholarship,

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Speaker 3: connecting him with an executive in a major corporation for

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Speaker 3: an internship, et cetera, et cetera. Wow, it's a pretty

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Speaker 3: helpful that's a pretty helpful squad right there.

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Speaker 1: Yeah.

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Speaker 3: His mother, Angela fifty six female, and father Anthony fifty

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Speaker 3: six male were also extremely supportive of his personal and

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Speaker 3: professional growth, particularly my aunt Angela. She went above and

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Speaker 3: beyond from the time he was born to ensure he

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Speaker 3: had access to all of the resources and support he

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Speaker 3: could ever need. Aunt Angela and uncle Anthony are wealthy,

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Speaker 3: so their well earned joint income made his level of

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Speaker 3: access especially helpful. Unfortunately, the world and the people in

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Speaker 3: it are still cruel, especially to those with disabilities. Adam

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Speaker 3: often felt rejected in romantic relationships and faced bullies throughout

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Speaker 3: middle school and high school. Adam was extremely smart and

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Speaker 3: still maintained academic success on top of athletic involvement. His

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Speaker 3: parents often tried to counteract this cruelty through material things

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Speaker 3: like cruise's gaming systems, shopping sprees, the list goes on.

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Speaker 3: As he got older, this escalated to covering the entirety

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Speaker 3: of his college tuition, fraternity fees, and housing. When he

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Speaker 3: graduated from college, Angela and Anthony gifted him.

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Speaker 1: A brand new car.

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Speaker 3: Where the rift started is after he graduated college. During

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Speaker 3: the vid, his work ethic and awareness of his financial

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Speaker 3: privilege and physical disabilities shifted. It became a way to

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Speaker 3: avoid responsibility, particularly.

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Speaker 1: At his job.

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Speaker 3: Adam was hired for an out of state position at

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Speaker 3: his internship host company after college, but was fired approximately

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Speaker 3: a year later. When my immediate family found out, Adam

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Speaker 3: claimed the company discriminated against him for taking medical leave

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Speaker 3: for an elective surgery related to his disability. Adam was

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Speaker 3: asking for Angela and Anthony's help finding a lawyer to

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Speaker 3: sue the company for wrongful termination. We were shocked to

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Speaker 3: think the executive who helped him get hired would allow

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Speaker 3: for this kind of retality against Adam. When my dad

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Speaker 3: connected with said executive, we learned Adam had actually been

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Speaker 3: dishonest to hr about the necessary recovery time and used

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Speaker 3: the operation as a reason not to perform his basic

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Speaker 3: job duties. When he presented the elective surgery as a

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Speaker 3: way to give him a greater ability to do his job.

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Speaker 3: Soon after his return to work, he was flown out

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Speaker 3: to the company headquarters for an array of meetings. According

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Speaker 3: to the executive, my dad knew Adam had knowingly skipped

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Speaker 3: two of the meetings. Just to be clear, I will

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Speaker 3: always feel Adam has the right to medical leaves to

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Speaker 3: take care of himself.

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Speaker 1: However he's he's fit.

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Speaker 3: However, there was no evidence that the company did not

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Speaker 3: honor protections from the Americans with Disabilities Act, so much

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Speaker 3: so that when Adam's wrongful termination suit was presented to

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Speaker 3: Uncle Anthony's lawyer, the lawyer felt there wasn't enough evidence

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Speaker 3: to pursue a lawsuit. My dad reached out to Adam

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Speaker 3: in an effort to understand the situation from his perspective,

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Speaker 3: but Adam was quick to defend himself by lashing out

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Speaker 3: of my dad with rude and dismissive remarks. Ah, dude,

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Speaker 3: you're a fibber, your employee. They found out you got fired.

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Speaker 3: That's what happens when you fib Yes, this is how

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Speaker 3: things go.

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Speaker 1: Sorry, dude.

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Speaker 3: When my dad asked my aunt Angela about the situation,

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Speaker 3: her story changed. She claimed it was for the best

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Speaker 3: that Adam quote unquote left that job so he could

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Speaker 3: move home since he was struggling with living alone. My

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Speaker 3: immediate family didn't understand this rationalization, as Adam had lived

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Speaker 3: alone during college after moving out of the fraternity house

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Speaker 3: he spent his freshman and sophomore year living in Even

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Speaker 3: if he was struggling, my aunt and uncle could have

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Speaker 3: afforded to hire him a housekeeper or laundry service to

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Speaker 3: take some things off his plate. Since being fired from

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Speaker 3: his first job out of college, he's been fired from

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Speaker 3: four other jobs for issues ranging from lying on time

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Speaker 3: sheets to no call no shows for days at a time.

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Speaker 3: I do think it's important to mention that around halfway

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Speaker 3: through this series of job losses, Adam's best friend passed

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Speaker 3: away in a horrific road rage incident.

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Speaker 1: Whoa, folks, that.

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Speaker 3: Right there is why I will always say hey, just

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Speaker 3: like don't do the road rage. So his friend passing away,

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Speaker 3: of course, impacted Adam greatly. My family rallied around him,

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Speaker 3: offering an ear to talk, home cooked meals to his

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Speaker 3: friend's fiance and child, and donating to his in memoriam charity.

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Speaker 3: I can imagine Adam grieves the loss of his best

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Speaker 3: friend every day, and I can't imagine the pain he's

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Speaker 3: endured during that time. His parents have used business connections

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Speaker 3: to get him new jobs while continuing to cover his

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Speaker 3: monthly expenses like rent, insurance, and utilities. Fast forward to

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Speaker 3: the year before I got engaged, Adam had just gotten

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Speaker 3: out of the long term relationship with a woman around

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Speaker 3: his age who will call beca twenty seven female. Adam

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Speaker 3: and Becka dated for over a year and lived together

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Speaker 3: in the townhouse. Angela and Anthony bought them with RNT

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Speaker 3: at a reduced rate. This living situation helped Becca finish

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Speaker 3: her social work degree and gave Adam a chance to

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Speaker 3: find and maintain full time employment. According to Ashley, Becca

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Speaker 3: had confided in her that Adam exhibited some concerning behavior

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Speaker 3: over the course of their relationship. To be clear, Adam

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Speaker 3: never found evidence that Becca was cheating or hiding anything.

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Speaker 3: He only found messages from Becca's mom to Becca saying

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Speaker 3: how worried she was about her and was encouraging Becca

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Speaker 3: to leave Adam. One time, while Becca was on a

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Speaker 3: girls trip in Europe, Adam noticed Becca's ex had liked

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Speaker 3: a vacation post on Becca's Instagram story. Adam took this

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Speaker 3: as proof Beca was cheating on him. He didn't pick

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Speaker 3: Beca up from the airport.

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Speaker 1: Adam. I highly suggest therapy, Adam, Yeah, therapy, weekly therapy.

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Speaker 1: You've got a lot on your plate right now.

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Speaker 3: Becca had to take an uber home to their town home,

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Speaker 3: and when she arrived, Adam had thrown some of her

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Speaker 3: items on the front lawn. When Becca called the police

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Speaker 3: to have an escort into the town home to collect

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Speaker 3: the rest of her things, Adam claimed Becca's cats were

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Speaker 3: his and that she couldn't take them. After several minutes

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Speaker 3: of arguing moderated by the police, the officers allowed Becca

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Speaker 3: to take the cats with her to her mom's house.

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Speaker 3: After another few months of on and off, Becca ended

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Speaker 3: things and got her own place. Since then, my sister

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Speaker 3: hasn't unfollowed her on social media as we got kind

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Speaker 3: of close to Becca during her relationship with Adam. After

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Speaker 3: the relationship ended, Becha would frequently post things related to

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Speaker 3: DV awareness. Again, this information is coming from Ashley's conversations

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Speaker 3: with Becca and Becka's posts. Adam's previous live in partner

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Speaker 3: also said Adam would allegedly throw things during arguments, scream expletives,

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Speaker 3: and go through her phone, and Angela also told my

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Speaker 3: mom Adam did these things to her when he lived

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Speaker 3: at home.

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Speaker 1: Whoa this is? That's pretty extreme. That is very extreme. Yeah. Wow, therapy,

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Speaker 1: we need a very good therapist. Please for Adam. Please.

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Speaker 3: When my sister liked Becca's updated Facebook profile image post

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Speaker 3: on a random Tuesday, Adam texted my sister an onslaught

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Speaker 3: of disgusting messages. Quote another example of women caring more

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Speaker 3: about social media than their own families. God dang you.

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Speaker 3: Women can't ever just say sorry and listen like that

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Speaker 3: crap again.

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Speaker 1: And I'm not getting you anything for your birthday.

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Speaker 3: The ironic thing about that last one is Adam never

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Speaker 3: gets us gifts for our birthdays, and Angela shows up

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Speaker 3: to birthday parties with three presents and claims two of

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Speaker 3: them are from each of her children. Adam also claimed

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Speaker 3: Becha was the one who got physical with him. Adam

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Speaker 3: also claims Becha was hiding money from him to move out, which,

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Speaker 3: if true, only further confirms poor treatment on his part

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Speaker 3: in my opinion, being like, she was hiding money from

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Speaker 3: me so she could live her own life independently. Yeah,

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Speaker 3: that's a red flag for you, buddy, not for.

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Speaker 1: Her yes sorry.

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Speaker 3: About two months after Adam's break up with Becha and

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Speaker 3: the text to my sister, he attacked my mom. My

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Speaker 3: mom had reposted TikTok advocating for trans rights, LGBTQ, women's

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Speaker 3: and other civil rights issues that are extremely important to

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Speaker 3: me and my mom, and we don't shy away from

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Speaker 3: posting things to make it clear where we stand in

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Speaker 3: America's current political climate. When Adam saw this post, he

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Speaker 3: bombarded her with frightening messages like trans is dangerous to

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Speaker 3: expose children to. Considering you were adopted, you would think

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Speaker 3: you wouldn't be so pro choice. You let Henry down

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Speaker 3: by letting him grow up with so much female influence.

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Speaker 3: I feel like Adam also doubt Adam got deep red

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Speaker 3: pilled at somebody. I would like to look at Adam's algorithm.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, I think I know the kind of stuff

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Speaker 1: he's seeing on there. This isn't an unfortunate way to

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Speaker 1: grow up. I believe the ironic thing about the last one.

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Speaker 3: As he later admitted, he thought my younger brother, Henry twentymail,

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Speaker 3: was gay and that was the result of my mom

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Speaker 3: doing more of the parenting than my dad. Adam also

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Speaker 3: accused my mom of abandoning my dad within their marriage

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Speaker 3: because they aren't physically intimate anymore. My parents' marriage is

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Speaker 3: a whole other Reddit post. But for the purposes of

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Speaker 3: this story, all you need to know is Adam got

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Speaker 3: this information from my uncle Anthony, who is not in

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Speaker 3: their relationship.

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Speaker 1: Yeah.

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Speaker 3: After these messages, we didn't speak to or see Adam

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Speaker 3: for six months. He randomly showed up at my folk's

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Speaker 3: house one night to apologize. I use the word apologize

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Speaker 3: in quotes because Adam's inability to provide reasoning for his words.

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Speaker 3: How did he know some of the information he detailed

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Speaker 3: in the messages? What did my mom do to bring

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Speaker 3: out such a visceral reaction in him? Why did he

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Speaker 3: think Henry was gay? His explanation was the government is

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Speaker 3: targeting him with a near recession, causing items of status

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Speaker 3: and wealth to be inaccessible for him. I'm sorry, did

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Speaker 3: this guy just imply that the government is conspiring to

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Speaker 3: make inflation go up just because of Adams?

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Speaker 1: It's because of him? What? Wow? Like, why do you

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Speaker 1: even like dream that up again? Like this? Yeah?

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Speaker 3: That's like, you know, that's a severe delusion for sure. Yeah,

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Speaker 3: and maybe I'm just not understanding what he means by that,

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Speaker 3: I sort of sounded like them.

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Speaker 1: Yeah.

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Speaker 3: Anyway, my mom made it clear that none of those

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Speaker 3: things justified his actions, regardless of the truth in them.

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Speaker 3: He doubled down on his reasoning, walking the conversation in circles.

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Speaker 3: The discussion ended with Adam promising to go to therapy

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Speaker 3: and apologized to my sister. Neither of those things ever happened.

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Speaker 3: The incident that pushed us to leave him off of

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Speaker 3: the guest list was our engagement party in September of

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Speaker 3: twenty twenty four.

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Speaker 1: We did not.

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Speaker 3: Invite him due to the lack of an apology to

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Speaker 3: my mom and sister, in addition to no indication of

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Speaker 3: changed behavior. A few hours before the engagement party, Adam texted.

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Speaker 1: Me I'm sorry that I was so rude to you.

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Speaker 3: And congratulated us on our engagement. I responded first with

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Speaker 3: an acknowledgement of the apology, but expressed my frustration in

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Speaker 3: his inability to deliver a meaningful apology or show a

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Speaker 3: real change in behavior over the last year. I also

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Speaker 3: made clear how disrespectful his words and beliefs were when

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Speaker 3: it came to women, specifically, My feelings were met with

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Speaker 3: extreme resistance, to the point he bombarded my phone with

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Speaker 3: more vile text messages over the course of approximately sixteen

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Speaker 3: hours during our engagement party. Here are the highlights of

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Speaker 3: the nearly thirty messages. So before we get into the

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Speaker 3: I just want to say it's also very clear, like

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Speaker 3: the apology, the reason this apology was so hollow is

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Speaker 3: it's coming like right on the heels of like the

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Speaker 3: engagement party that he can't go to. So he's just

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Speaker 3: being left out and now he's like, Okay, I guess

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Speaker 3: I'll say sorry.

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Speaker 1: Now, yeah, yeah, yeah.

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Speaker 3: It's entirely contingent upon getting something out of it, right, right.

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Speaker 1: Geting to be able to go to the party exactly.

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Speaker 3: So it's a completely irrelevant apology. So let's let's let's

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Speaker 3: read some of the wonderful things that he wrote. Let's

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Speaker 3: see so in response to me saying women don't need

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Speaker 3: men to live happy, fulfilling lives, quote, I disagree. Women

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Speaker 3: need men. Men need women. Men are the ones who fight,

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Speaker 3: pass away and defend our country. They rescue you from fires.

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Speaker 3: Is so silly, Bobby. You're a silly baby. That's what

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Speaker 3: I'm talking about. This is a silly baby moment. Like,

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Speaker 3: instead of being like I can't believe, I'd be like,

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Speaker 3: oh you silly little baby. Yeah, did you know old

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Speaker 3: ladies can be firefighters? Oh, and they can be in

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Speaker 3: the military. Well like silly baby boy in the way, Yeah,

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Speaker 3: you're right, ohp says, does he think women don't serve

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Speaker 3: in the military and women don't become firefighters?

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Speaker 1: Oh?

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Speaker 3: Man?

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Speaker 1: Quote try to remember, a marriage without God is simply

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Speaker 1: a business contract, a contract in which if it fails,

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Speaker 1: Craig loses, he loses everything. Wives submit yourself unto the Lord,

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Speaker 1: for the husband is the head of the wife, even

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Speaker 1: as Christ is the head of the church and he

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Speaker 1: is the savior of the body. Therefore, as the church

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Speaker 1: is subject unto Christ. Let so the wives beat their

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Speaker 1: own husbands in everything. What you can't use the Bible.

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Speaker 1: We're not bibling right now, we're not Bible.

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Speaker 4: And also that alass just didn't grammatically make sense at all.

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Speaker 3: So so let the wives be to their own husbands

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Speaker 3: in everything.

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Speaker 1: Get out of here? Are you out of you with

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Speaker 1: that olden dog let olden speech stop it.

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Speaker 4: Yeah, I'll be the first one to say that women.

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Speaker 1: Can be individuals. What no way, no way, Oh you

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Speaker 1: guys all had like a meeting every night and meeting

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Speaker 1: you guys hop on zoom. All right, we're gonna do tomorrow,

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Speaker 1: all right? What does our man need tomorrow? What are

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Speaker 1: we gonna do? Ladies, the collective woman brain? Now, what

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Speaker 1: are we thinking tonight? Exactly exactly. I've been on that

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Speaker 1: zoom call. It's cool. I've been on that zoom call.

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Speaker 1: It's a secret. Is a secret? Is only for women?

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Speaker 3: Okay, So I guess he also said nobody wants independent women.

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Speaker 3: It's actually bad for society. Look at the crime rates

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Speaker 3: for fatherless homes. I hope you guys find Christ. The

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Speaker 3: ironic thing about that piece of scripture that he quoted

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Speaker 3: is that it's only the first half.

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Speaker 1: Here's the second.

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Speaker 3: Husbands, love your wives just as Christ loved the Church

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Speaker 3: and gave himself up for her, to make her holy,

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Speaker 3: cleansing her by the washing with water through the word,

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Speaker 3: and to present her to himself as a radiant church,

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Speaker 3: without stain or wrinkle or any other blemish, but and blameless.

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Speaker 3: In this same way, husbands dont to love their wives

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Speaker 3: as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself.

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Speaker 3: After all, No one ever hated their own body. But

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Speaker 3: they feed and care for their body, just as Christ

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Speaker 3: does the Church, for we are members of His body

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Speaker 3: for this reason. A man, Oh, there's so much Bible.

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Speaker 1: There's so much Bible, so much Bible.

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Speaker 3: Basically Bible says, be good to wife, be good to husbands.

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Speaker 4: Yes, not just let the woman has to serve his husband,

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Speaker 4: her husband.

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Speaker 3: This is a profound mystery, but I am talking about

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Speaker 3: Christ and the Church. However, each one of you also

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Speaker 3: must love his wife as he loves himself, and the

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Speaker 3: wife must respect her husband. So he's he was being

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Speaker 3: a hypocrite, being like women need to be completely subservient

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Speaker 3: to their husbands, but husbands don't need to follow any

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Speaker 3: of the scripture rules when it comes to their ways.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, he's just totally ignored that.

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Speaker 3: He's, which is what people always do when they cherry

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Speaker 3: pick scripture. Ashley and Ashley's husband consummated their marriae, which

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Speaker 3: only when they wanted to.

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Speaker 1: Have a child. But there didn't used to be a

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Speaker 1: bunch of rubber and pills in between. We have forgotten

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Speaker 1: spicy sleep is sacred. You've been semi married a long time.

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Speaker 1: I'm glad we are getting together to celebrate it officially.

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Speaker 1: I hope he says found it unsettling that he cared

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Speaker 1: this much about me and his sister's spicy sleep lives.

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Speaker 3: In addition to my mom's. I also know from his

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Speaker 3: sister that the claim they waited for marriage is not true,

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Speaker 3: as she'd had a pregnancy scare while they were dating

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Speaker 3: due to failed birth control. Another quip from Adam here,

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Speaker 3: my advice is a guy looking from the outside in.

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Speaker 3: I hope Craig serves you, provides, listens, commits himself to

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Speaker 3: you fully every day in what you need. But you

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Speaker 3: should obey him, submit to his leadership. He has a

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Speaker 3: lot more to lose go to church together. Less than

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Speaker 3: one percent of couples who prayed together divorce. Back in

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Speaker 3: the day, a marriage was in a church, a dad

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00:16:52,400 --> 00:16:55,200
Speaker 3: gave his daughter away. There was no contract. It just

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Speaker 3: meant two people lived together and had spicy sleep, and

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Speaker 3: there was a celebration before God. I guess he thinks

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Speaker 3: this is a better approach to marriage than the modern

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Speaker 3: era unions. Another quote, I was tired of your blatant

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Speaker 3: eye rolling, disrespect and general attitude towards me. Women need men.

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Speaker 3: Men don't want independent women. They want wives. I stand

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Speaker 3: by that. Don't be a quartalsome wife. Marriage will be

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Speaker 3: that much more difficult. Buddy, you're confusing me like the

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Speaker 3: I me adamhim, I want this. You're confusing that with

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Speaker 3: literally the entire world. Yeah, wellhow you're generalizing for every person.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, which is crazy.

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Speaker 4: Don't you know he reads the Bible partially. Oh, I

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Speaker 4: get so that means that everyone else has to only.

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Speaker 1: Read what he reads. He's the king of the world.

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Speaker 1: He's the king of the world.

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Speaker 3: You forget, Dakota, I just read this whole story forgetting

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Speaker 3: that Adam was the king of the world.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, I forgot about that. I wonder if, oh he

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Speaker 1: called him Adam because of Adam and Eve. I think

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Speaker 1: it's very possible. I was wondering that too. Oh okay,

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Speaker 1: so Opie says.

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Speaker 3: I think he's talking about the way I distanced myself

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Speaker 3: from him at family gatherings after his attacks on my

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Speaker 3: mom and sister. Even before those incidents, I was wary

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Speaker 3: of getting close to him because I knew he didn't

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Speaker 3: treat his mom and partners.

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Speaker 1: Well at all.

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Speaker 3: Adam quote, You're right, women can ignore the advice and

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Speaker 3: guidance of a man. But they end up divorced and alone.

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Speaker 3: They end up with wine and cats. It's a great combo,

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Speaker 3: by the way. I guess you get the paycheck in

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Speaker 3: the end, though, so I get why women today stop caring.

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Speaker 3: Just remember other aunt's name wasn't so independent without ex

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Speaker 3: husband's paycheck. Again, I'd love to see this guy's algorithm.

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Speaker 3: This guy's algorithm has got to be so freaking red pilled. Yeah,

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Speaker 3: he's insinuating. My other aunt lived or lives off of

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Speaker 3: child support and alimony from her ex husband, both of

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Speaker 3: which he's never paid in the twenty years they've been divorced.

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Speaker 3: She has majority custody of their kids are saved. The

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Speaker 3: dates for the wedding went out in January of twenty

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Speaker 3: twenty five. Adam did not receive one Aunt Angela, uncle Ante,

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00:19:00,080 --> 00:19:03,280
Speaker 3: and Ashley did. Craig and I didn't feel comfortable inviting

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Speaker 3: someone to our wedding after a display of such disrespect

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Speaker 3: towards not just me, my sister, and my mom, but

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Speaker 3: also marginalized groups of people as a whole. After hearing

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00:19:12,640 --> 00:19:15,840
Speaker 3: Adam didn't receive as save the date, Aunt, Angela, Uncle, Anthony,

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Speaker 3: and my grandparents are asking my parents why Adam isn't invited.

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Speaker 3: Why they asking your parents? They should be asking you,

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Speaker 3: it's your wedding. My parents had our back, citing the

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00:19:27,200 --> 00:19:31,160
Speaker 3: inappropriate comments to multiple family members and no apology. They

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00:19:31,240 --> 00:19:33,240
Speaker 3: argue that Adam is struggling with a mental illness and

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Speaker 3: shouldn't be left out of the event. My aunt Angela

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00:19:35,880 --> 00:19:38,240
Speaker 3: is especially concerned that this will have an intense negative

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Speaker 3: effect on his mental health. I do agree that Adam

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00:19:41,040 --> 00:19:44,000
Speaker 3: is suffering from mental illness, and I agree he should

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Speaker 3: be getting professional help from a physician and or psychologist.

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Speaker 3: While I believe this is true, I believe I have

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Speaker 3: a right to draw a boundary to not invite someone

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Speaker 3: who boldly spoke down on my beliefs and future marriage

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Speaker 3: to my wedding. I think that they really need to

397
00:19:57,640 --> 00:20:01,479
Speaker 3: stand on their business here and not let Adam go

398
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Speaker 3: to the wedding.

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Speaker 1: I agree, well, I mean, it sounds like he wasn't invited, right,

400
00:20:05,280 --> 00:20:05,679
Speaker 1: but he's not.

401
00:20:05,800 --> 00:20:09,240
Speaker 3: But now his mom the family's trying to be like, oh,

402
00:20:09,400 --> 00:20:11,399
Speaker 3: he's like he's meant to, which is true. It's like

403
00:20:11,440 --> 00:20:15,120
Speaker 3: he's going through sometuth. Clearly he's going through something. However,

404
00:20:15,800 --> 00:20:19,920
Speaker 3: like his parents have always like placated to him and

405
00:20:19,960 --> 00:20:23,919
Speaker 3: like a sort of they've been the safety net forever.

406
00:20:23,960 --> 00:20:26,080
Speaker 3: And at this point, it's like he's not even trying

407
00:20:26,119 --> 00:20:28,959
Speaker 3: to grab the trapeze wire, like what, He's just like

408
00:20:29,080 --> 00:20:31,040
Speaker 3: he's just fallen into the safety net because he knows

409
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Speaker 3: that it's.

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Speaker 1: Gonna be fine. Yeah, he doesn't have to.

411
00:20:33,359 --> 00:20:38,040
Speaker 3: Yeah, and that level of entitlement that you know, again,

412
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Speaker 3: we have very complicated primate brains that can get really

413
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Speaker 3: crossed up.

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Speaker 1: And I don't think anyone in the story is like evil.

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Speaker 3: Sure, but like definitely after saying all those things, it

416
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Speaker 3: is entirely you're entirely in the right for being like,

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Speaker 3: I don't think that person should be at the celebration

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Speaker 3: of our marriage, right when they just down talked our

419
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Speaker 3: entire your relationship, Yeah.

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Speaker 4: Because I mean it's he's totally insulted them and has

421
00:21:06,720 --> 00:21:09,480
Speaker 4: a very skewed like image of.

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Speaker 1: What marriage is. And so you don't that stuff.

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Speaker 4: Even if you like know that it's crazy and you

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00:21:15,160 --> 00:21:17,359
Speaker 4: know that this person's opinion like doesn't matter whatever, it

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00:21:17,480 --> 00:21:20,440
Speaker 4: still could make you so insecure about your relationship, right,

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Speaker 4: And if you don't want someone that's gonna make you

427
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Speaker 4: insecure about your relationship at.

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Speaker 1: Your literal wedding. So yeah, that totally makes sense.

429
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Speaker 3: That they just don't want them to imagine him just

430
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Speaker 3: walking around talking everybody being just a cloud of negativity.

431
00:21:32,920 --> 00:21:35,000
Speaker 3: It's just really, at the end of the day, what

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Speaker 3: I would tell his parents is like, Adam's not invited

433
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Speaker 3: because we didn't invite him, and it's really no one

434
00:21:41,160 --> 00:21:43,040
Speaker 3: else's business if he's going to come or not, because

435
00:21:43,040 --> 00:21:46,359
Speaker 3: it's our wedding, right, here's the reason why we didn't.

436
00:21:46,960 --> 00:21:50,359
Speaker 3: You really want the explanation other than that he's not coming. Yeah,

437
00:21:50,520 --> 00:21:56,240
Speaker 3: so so sorry, stand on that business. Yeah, choosing not

438
00:21:56,359 --> 00:21:59,520
Speaker 3: to invite Adam is not about punishing him. It's about

439
00:21:59,560 --> 00:22:03,200
Speaker 3: protecting our piece, the emotional safety of your wedding day.

440
00:22:03,440 --> 00:22:05,399
Speaker 3: My fiance still thinks it's not a good idea to

441
00:22:05,440 --> 00:22:08,040
Speaker 3: invite him, and my mom thinks inviting him will only

442
00:22:08,040 --> 00:22:10,600
Speaker 3: continue to show Adam there are no consequences for his

443
00:22:10,720 --> 00:22:14,280
Speaker 3: actions exactly. My dad thinks we should forgive and forget

444
00:22:14,720 --> 00:22:19,280
Speaker 3: despite his sister Angela's enabling tendencies, and even though I disagree,

445
00:22:19,320 --> 00:22:21,920
Speaker 3: I feel terrible that my dad is being caught between

446
00:22:21,920 --> 00:22:24,720
Speaker 3: me and his sister and parents. So would I be

447
00:22:24,800 --> 00:22:27,240
Speaker 3: the a hole for not inviting my cousin to my wedding,

448
00:22:27,560 --> 00:22:28,639
Speaker 3: and there are comments.

449
00:22:29,000 --> 00:22:31,320
Speaker 1: Of course, we both think.

450
00:22:31,119 --> 00:22:33,120
Speaker 3: You're not the a hole in this, not the ale.

451
00:22:34,800 --> 00:22:37,280
Speaker 3: Let's see what the comments have to say. Uh, oh

452
00:22:37,280 --> 00:22:40,480
Speaker 3: my god. No, you would not be wrong. And next

453
00:22:40,480 --> 00:22:42,800
Speaker 3: time someone brings it up, you can respond with quote,

454
00:22:42,960 --> 00:22:45,120
Speaker 3: I don't like him and I don't want him there.

455
00:22:45,359 --> 00:22:47,600
Speaker 3: Who cares if it gets back to him? Why should

456
00:22:47,640 --> 00:22:50,240
Speaker 3: you be the one who has to tiptoe around his

457
00:22:50,320 --> 00:22:53,640
Speaker 3: feelings when he's able to go on a misogynistic, crazy

458
00:22:53,680 --> 00:22:56,920
Speaker 3: religious tirade on you and your family members. Comment too,

459
00:22:56,920 --> 00:23:00,560
Speaker 3: says not the a whole. Enabling your which is what

460
00:23:00,640 --> 00:23:04,000
Speaker 3: his parents have constantly done, just proves to him in

461
00:23:04,080 --> 00:23:07,520
Speaker 3: his mind that he's always right. That's half of his problem.

462
00:23:07,520 --> 00:23:09,560
Speaker 3: He's been coddled and catered to all his life.

463
00:23:10,000 --> 00:23:10,440
Speaker 1: Yucky.

464
00:23:11,000 --> 00:23:14,399
Speaker 3: Having him at your wedding is inviting a superior minded,

465
00:23:14,560 --> 00:23:18,680
Speaker 3: arrogant aole itching to have a public showdown. A reply

466
00:23:18,840 --> 00:23:22,080
Speaker 3: to this, as his parents taught him no boundaries accountability

467
00:23:22,160 --> 00:23:25,280
Speaker 3: or morality, as they enabled and signed off on his behavior,

468
00:23:25,520 --> 00:23:27,840
Speaker 3: I agree that there is no reason to have someone

469
00:23:27,920 --> 00:23:30,359
Speaker 3: who has been escalating their behavior towards others to be

470
00:23:30,440 --> 00:23:33,280
Speaker 3: around at their wedding. Someone else here said she had

471
00:23:33,320 --> 00:23:36,800
Speaker 3: expectations he act like her, but he cannot because he

472
00:23:36,840 --> 00:23:39,719
Speaker 3: is mentally ill. But I think she understands that, and

473
00:23:39,760 --> 00:23:42,680
Speaker 3: that is why he cannot come. Because he is past

474
00:23:42,760 --> 00:23:45,680
Speaker 3: the point of not being accountable. He has been enabled,

475
00:23:45,720 --> 00:23:48,480
Speaker 3: and he is harmful and will not stop because he

476
00:23:48,560 --> 00:23:51,840
Speaker 3: has not been taught or shown any boundaries around his behavior.

477
00:23:52,080 --> 00:23:54,960
Speaker 3: It's absolutely reasonable to not want this cousin president. And

478
00:23:55,000 --> 00:23:56,439
Speaker 3: that is the end of that story.

479
00:23:57,080 --> 00:23:58,959
Speaker 2: Hey, it's Sam, your og host here. We're gonna get

480
00:23:58,960 --> 00:24:01,640
Speaker 2: back to the stories. But here's it's from our sponsors.

481
00:24:01,960 --> 00:24:05,040
Speaker 4: My father's sister tried to sue me because she doesn't

482
00:24:05,119 --> 00:24:06,760
Speaker 4: understand how taxes work.

483
00:24:07,560 --> 00:24:11,879
Speaker 1: How do taxes? AnyWho?

484
00:24:12,080 --> 00:24:18,040
Speaker 4: The traumatous persona me forty four female. My dad sixty three,

485
00:24:18,320 --> 00:24:21,080
Speaker 4: and his sister is sixty five, and my grandmother is

486
00:24:21,080 --> 00:24:23,119
Speaker 4: seventy eight at the time for passing in two thousand

487
00:24:23,119 --> 00:24:25,320
Speaker 4: and eight, which is when this story takes place.

488
00:24:26,960 --> 00:24:30,520
Speaker 1: This subject of this saga is my father's sister, Darla,

489
00:24:30,680 --> 00:24:31,800
Speaker 1: which is not her real name.

490
00:24:32,080 --> 00:24:34,520
Speaker 4: Please note that I do not say aunt. She is

491
00:24:34,600 --> 00:24:38,160
Speaker 4: his sister, that's it. She is older than my dad

492
00:24:38,160 --> 00:24:41,199
Speaker 4: by maybe two years and is my watermark for a

493
00:24:41,240 --> 00:24:42,240
Speaker 4: failed human being.

494
00:24:42,320 --> 00:24:45,320
Speaker 3: Oh so it is her aunt, but she just refuses

495
00:24:45,400 --> 00:24:47,280
Speaker 3: to acknowledge her exactly.

496
00:24:48,000 --> 00:24:51,040
Speaker 4: By the way, this comes from a benevolent mess on

497
00:24:51,200 --> 00:24:53,920
Speaker 4: the r slash okay storytime supreddit, and if you want

498
00:24:53,920 --> 00:24:56,600
Speaker 4: to submit your own stories, go to that r slash

499
00:24:56,600 --> 00:24:57,960
Speaker 4: okay storytime subreddit.

500
00:24:58,440 --> 00:24:59,359
Speaker 1: We'll read them.

501
00:24:59,400 --> 00:25:02,760
Speaker 4: So she's only ever worked crap jobs, not a real

502
00:25:02,800 --> 00:25:05,720
Speaker 4: mark against her, but she's never aspired to better positions

503
00:25:05,800 --> 00:25:08,240
Speaker 4: and is always lying about what she does versus what

504
00:25:08,320 --> 00:25:09,359
Speaker 4: she actually does.

505
00:25:09,880 --> 00:25:12,879
Speaker 1: Example, she was a janitor at the local zoo for

506
00:25:12,920 --> 00:25:13,480
Speaker 1: a bit, but.

507
00:25:13,400 --> 00:25:16,040
Speaker 4: Told everyone that she was a legit zoo keeper like

508
00:25:16,119 --> 00:25:21,360
Speaker 4: with the animals. No, Darla, No, she's abandoned jobs. When

509
00:25:21,400 --> 00:25:23,800
Speaker 4: her cat passed away, she put her in the freezer

510
00:25:23,840 --> 00:25:26,200
Speaker 4: because she couldn't handle that puff had passed away.

511
00:25:26,920 --> 00:25:27,400
Speaker 1: Yikes.

512
00:25:27,840 --> 00:25:31,359
Speaker 4: She is an opioid regular user. She leached off of

513
00:25:31,359 --> 00:25:33,639
Speaker 4: my family when she was in contact with us, and

514
00:25:33,680 --> 00:25:36,720
Speaker 4: apparently tried to hook up with my mom when they

515
00:25:36,720 --> 00:25:38,960
Speaker 4: were all in high school because she found out that

516
00:25:39,080 --> 00:25:44,200
Speaker 4: Dad liked Mom and tried to prove something. Maybe anyway,

517
00:25:44,359 --> 00:25:47,280
Speaker 4: it didn't work, which is how I got here whoops.

518
00:25:48,080 --> 00:25:50,760
Speaker 1: After my grandfather passed away, Rip Grandpa.

519
00:25:51,240 --> 00:25:56,920
Speaker 4: Grandma's health gradually started to decline emphysema, osteoporosis, and a

520
00:25:56,960 --> 00:26:00,720
Speaker 4: couple of hip replacements, but her mind stayed whipped sharp.

521
00:26:00,960 --> 00:26:02,080
Speaker 1: She had one weakness.

522
00:26:02,200 --> 00:26:04,800
Speaker 4: She promised Grandpa that she would keep the families together

523
00:26:04,840 --> 00:26:05,680
Speaker 4: after he was gone.

524
00:26:06,240 --> 00:26:08,480
Speaker 1: Dad was a wild child when he was younger, but.

525
00:26:08,560 --> 00:26:10,919
Speaker 4: He's mellowed out a lot and it has become a

526
00:26:10,960 --> 00:26:15,479
Speaker 4: responsible adult, and Darla not so much. She bullied Grandma

527
00:26:15,520 --> 00:26:18,280
Speaker 4: into letting her move in to be a caretaker for

528
00:26:18,400 --> 00:26:21,560
Speaker 4: Grandma in her sunset years. Grandma knew this was a

529
00:26:21,560 --> 00:26:25,520
Speaker 4: bad idea, but acquiesced. Sure enough, Darla moved in and

530
00:26:25,560 --> 00:26:30,359
Speaker 4: proceeded to contribute absolute fall as in, she'd been lying

531
00:26:30,400 --> 00:26:32,840
Speaker 4: on the couch reading a magazine while Grandma would be

532
00:26:32,920 --> 00:26:36,680
Speaker 4: vacuuming the house of all of Darla's cat's hair, all

533
00:26:36,720 --> 00:26:41,240
Speaker 4: while she was hooked up to a bloody oxygen take emphasima. Remember,

534
00:26:41,840 --> 00:26:45,040
Speaker 4: she was unemployed, so contributed nothing towards the upkeep of

535
00:26:45,080 --> 00:26:48,000
Speaker 4: the house or bills. And one day Dad swung by

536
00:26:48,080 --> 00:26:50,119
Speaker 4: to see how Grandma was doing and found her looking

537
00:26:50,200 --> 00:26:54,280
Speaker 4: awful and was listless, grayish skin. She could barely hold

538
00:26:54,320 --> 00:26:57,359
Speaker 4: up her head, and she was not okay. He barked

539
00:26:57,359 --> 00:26:59,880
Speaker 4: for Darla to get off her butt and help him

540
00:27:00,080 --> 00:27:03,000
Speaker 4: get their mom to the hospital. This halfway wanted to

541
00:27:03,040 --> 00:27:05,840
Speaker 4: take the time to do Grandma's hair before going to

542
00:27:05,880 --> 00:27:09,800
Speaker 4: the er, because she might be passing away. What Dad

543
00:27:09,880 --> 00:27:13,119
Speaker 4: snapped at her in language that as a retired sailor

544
00:27:13,240 --> 00:27:16,560
Speaker 4: impressed even me. He got Grandma in the truck and

545
00:27:16,800 --> 00:27:19,480
Speaker 4: got her to the hospital, but she never made it home.

546
00:27:19,760 --> 00:27:20,360
Speaker 1: Oh wow.

547
00:27:20,520 --> 00:27:23,040
Speaker 4: Grandma's prime directive in her will was that she did

548
00:27:23,119 --> 00:27:24,919
Speaker 4: not want to live if it meant being hooked up

549
00:27:24,960 --> 00:27:27,760
Speaker 4: to a slew of machines. They intubated her in an

550
00:27:27,760 --> 00:27:31,439
Speaker 4: O two tent, trying to get her blood oxygen levels

551
00:27:31,520 --> 00:27:34,359
Speaker 4: back up to safe levels, but smoking for most of

552
00:27:34,400 --> 00:27:37,120
Speaker 4: her life had done its damage, and she not only

553
00:27:37,160 --> 00:27:39,679
Speaker 4: had lost eighty percent of her lung capacity, she was

554
00:27:39,720 --> 00:27:43,679
Speaker 4: also in the first stages of lunk. Dad, while holding

555
00:27:43,680 --> 00:27:47,000
Speaker 4: her hand, asked her mom, are you sure? She firmly nodded,

556
00:27:47,160 --> 00:27:49,720
Speaker 4: witnessed by the doctor and the hospital chaplain.

557
00:27:50,000 --> 00:27:53,000
Speaker 1: Dad was her power of attorney. I gotta say big

558
00:27:53,040 --> 00:27:56,080
Speaker 1: props to Grandma, big props. She did her.

559
00:27:56,200 --> 00:27:59,880
Speaker 4: She was very strong up until the end, keeping taking

560
00:28:00,080 --> 00:28:01,240
Speaker 4: care of her daughter.

561
00:28:01,400 --> 00:28:03,520
Speaker 1: Oh yeah, well, I mean Leitchinova, she knew what she

562
00:28:03,600 --> 00:28:05,960
Speaker 1: was doing. She's like, I know, Darla's not gonna help me,

563
00:28:06,040 --> 00:28:08,480
Speaker 1: but yeah, I mean, what am I gonna do? Like,

564
00:28:08,760 --> 00:28:11,679
Speaker 1: I can't turn her away, right, And Darla's got her

565
00:28:11,720 --> 00:28:15,400
Speaker 1: own slut of problems and stuff exactly, But Darla needs help.

566
00:28:15,760 --> 00:28:19,719
Speaker 1: She should not have been the caretaker. Yeah, But mostly

567
00:28:19,720 --> 00:28:21,520
Speaker 1: my point was like not being hooked up to a

568
00:28:21,520 --> 00:28:25,200
Speaker 1: bunch of machines. Yeah yeah. I was like, she's like, nah,

569
00:28:25,640 --> 00:28:28,040
Speaker 1: don't do that to me for me. If I can't

570
00:28:28,080 --> 00:28:31,080
Speaker 1: make it, I can't make it. Yeah yeah, yeah, props

571
00:28:31,160 --> 00:28:33,399
Speaker 1: her for understanding that.

572
00:28:33,960 --> 00:28:37,439
Speaker 4: Uh Now, Darla was down smoking in the courtyard and

573
00:28:37,560 --> 00:28:40,120
Speaker 4: it didn't occur to her when they called Code blue

574
00:28:40,520 --> 00:28:42,400
Speaker 4: in the ICU that it might be something that she

575
00:28:42,440 --> 00:28:44,840
Speaker 4: should pay attention to. When she got back up to

576
00:28:44,880 --> 00:28:47,800
Speaker 4: Grandma's room, she was already gone. She immediately tried to

577
00:28:47,800 --> 00:28:50,920
Speaker 4: butt in on the proceedings, as she was the oldest,

578
00:28:51,040 --> 00:28:53,640
Speaker 4: but the dogs shut it down with maybe so, but

579
00:28:53,680 --> 00:28:56,600
Speaker 4: your brother is her legal power of attorney. At the time,

580
00:28:56,760 --> 00:28:59,720
Speaker 4: I was stationed on Guam and the Navy wouldn't fly

581
00:28:59,800 --> 00:29:02,440
Speaker 4: me home on emergency leave because she wasn't what they

582
00:29:02,480 --> 00:29:06,640
Speaker 4: considered a close relationship relative, meaning that I wasn't raised

583
00:29:06,640 --> 00:29:09,040
Speaker 4: in her household. That meant that I wouldn't make it

584
00:29:09,120 --> 00:29:11,760
Speaker 4: home for a funeral. When Dad broke the news to me,

585
00:29:11,880 --> 00:29:14,600
Speaker 4: we figured Grandma wouldn't want a sad, boring old funeral.

586
00:29:14,960 --> 00:29:17,720
Speaker 1: No, you need to understand, Grandma was awesome.

587
00:29:17,840 --> 00:29:24,320
Speaker 4: Her sixty ninth birthday was entertaining funny. So we agreed

588
00:29:24,360 --> 00:29:26,880
Speaker 4: that Dad would safe keep her ashes until I got home,

589
00:29:26,960 --> 00:29:27,920
Speaker 4: and we would have a.

590
00:29:27,880 --> 00:29:29,880
Speaker 1: Farewell party when I got home.

591
00:29:29,920 --> 00:29:32,760
Speaker 4: We indeed had a weekend long open house wake, and

592
00:29:32,920 --> 00:29:35,200
Speaker 4: the barbecue didn't go cold for the entire time.

593
00:29:35,600 --> 00:29:37,560
Speaker 1: Friends of family would stop.

594
00:29:37,240 --> 00:29:39,880
Speaker 4: In donate some adult soda or meat, and we told

595
00:29:39,960 --> 00:29:44,280
Speaker 4: funny grandma stories. Dad and I interred Grandma's ashes as

596
00:29:44,280 --> 00:29:47,520
Speaker 4: she wished on our family property, as it was the

597
00:29:47,600 --> 00:29:48,480
Speaker 4: first and only.

598
00:29:48,360 --> 00:29:49,920
Speaker 1: Land that she'd ever owned herself.

599
00:29:50,160 --> 00:29:52,520
Speaker 4: She was an immigrant from England married to my American

600
00:29:52,560 --> 00:29:54,440
Speaker 4: grandfather after World War Two, and.

601
00:29:54,400 --> 00:29:55,840
Speaker 1: Everything had been in his name.

602
00:29:56,280 --> 00:29:58,640
Speaker 4: We set her up a beautiful memorial spot under this

603
00:29:58,760 --> 00:30:01,840
Speaker 4: gorgeous Douglas fir tree with a little cement bench and

604
00:30:01,960 --> 00:30:04,960
Speaker 4: all her wind chimes and bird feeders. Dad and I

605
00:30:05,040 --> 00:30:08,080
Speaker 4: did all the work. Darla showed up to see it

606
00:30:08,200 --> 00:30:11,840
Speaker 4: after we were done and left a peck of on

607
00:30:12,000 --> 00:30:16,120
Speaker 4: the bench. But my father is the only reason I'm

608
00:30:16,120 --> 00:30:18,200
Speaker 4: not in prison Orange, Okay.

609
00:30:18,240 --> 00:30:19,480
Speaker 1: There was a funny moment there.

610
00:30:19,600 --> 00:30:21,840
Speaker 4: As Dad was pouring Grandma's ashes into the earth, I

611
00:30:21,880 --> 00:30:26,440
Speaker 4: suddenly realized she was gone. My beautiful, vivacious, hilarious flirt

612
00:30:26,440 --> 00:30:29,120
Speaker 4: of a bird of a Grandma was gone. I'd never

613
00:30:29,840 --> 00:30:33,320
Speaker 4: I would never hear her disk or call me pumpkin

614
00:30:33,440 --> 00:30:36,800
Speaker 4: ever again. My heart broke and I started hyperventilating, trying

615
00:30:36,840 --> 00:30:40,320
Speaker 4: not to wheal my heart out. My brain or Grandma's

616
00:30:40,320 --> 00:30:44,080
Speaker 4: spirit stepped in and suddenly I started laughing hysterically, like

617
00:30:44,120 --> 00:30:47,400
Speaker 4: that slightly spooky hysterical laughter. Dad look up to me

618
00:30:47,520 --> 00:30:50,040
Speaker 4: a little concerned and asked, baby, are you okay.

619
00:30:50,320 --> 00:30:52,440
Speaker 1: All I could wheeze out was they.

620
00:30:52,320 --> 00:30:56,720
Speaker 4: Turned Grandma into kitty litter, and Dad started.

621
00:30:56,400 --> 00:31:00,000
Speaker 1: Laughing just as hard, and we ended up on our knees.

622
00:30:59,720 --> 00:31:02,480
Speaker 4: In the read Oklahoma dirt, leaning on each other and

623
00:31:02,560 --> 00:31:05,000
Speaker 4: laughing so hard that we were crying. I liked to

624
00:31:05,000 --> 00:31:07,480
Speaker 4: think that Grandma was having a last laugh with us, and.

625
00:31:07,400 --> 00:31:08,280
Speaker 1: That she was okay.

626
00:31:08,680 --> 00:31:10,840
Speaker 4: We also took care of the inheritance portion of the

627
00:31:10,880 --> 00:31:14,320
Speaker 4: whill while I was home. Grandma wasn't even completely cold yet.

628
00:31:14,360 --> 00:31:16,840
Speaker 4: When Darla went through the house pointing out things she wanted,

629
00:31:17,320 --> 00:31:20,440
Speaker 4: Dad snapped, not a stick or stitch would leave the

630
00:31:20,440 --> 00:31:21,600
Speaker 4: house before I got home.

631
00:31:21,760 --> 00:31:22,200
Speaker 1: Period.

632
00:31:22,560 --> 00:31:25,680
Speaker 4: Before Grandma passed, she and Dad realized how the inheritance

633
00:31:25,760 --> 00:31:29,080
Speaker 4: was divided up was actually a terrible idea. I had

634
00:31:29,120 --> 00:31:33,280
Speaker 4: a ten thousand dollars CD in my name. Darla got

635
00:31:33,360 --> 00:31:35,920
Speaker 4: the land, a lot adjacent to the one with the house,

636
00:31:36,200 --> 00:31:39,280
Speaker 4: which went to Dad. Darla, having custody of something as

637
00:31:39,360 --> 00:31:41,200
Speaker 4: valuable as land, shut her.

638
00:31:41,600 --> 00:31:44,200
Speaker 1: So they asked me if I would be okay with swapping.

639
00:31:44,560 --> 00:31:49,120
Speaker 4: Absolutely, She, being an absolute dingbat, agreed immediately, only hearing

640
00:31:49,160 --> 00:31:50,480
Speaker 4: the ten thousand dollars part.

641
00:31:50,560 --> 00:31:53,560
Speaker 1: Oh my lord, oh my lord. She thought she was

642
00:31:53,600 --> 00:31:56,400
Speaker 1: getting the good end of that bargain. Yeah, oh my god.

643
00:31:56,440 --> 00:31:59,880
Speaker 3: She gave up land for ten dollars in c D,

644
00:32:00,480 --> 00:32:04,160
Speaker 3: which has rules and stipulations on when you can withdraw

645
00:32:04,240 --> 00:32:04,840
Speaker 3: it and when you can.

646
00:32:05,040 --> 00:32:06,680
Speaker 1: Oh god, it's ten thousand bucks.

647
00:32:06,440 --> 00:32:08,440
Speaker 3: But like it's not like it's in its savings account

648
00:32:08,560 --> 00:32:09,160
Speaker 3: right right.

649
00:32:09,840 --> 00:32:11,920
Speaker 4: Since the CD was still in my name, I had

650
00:32:11,960 --> 00:32:13,760
Speaker 4: to be the one to pull it. The clerk at

651
00:32:13,800 --> 00:32:16,400
Speaker 4: the bank informed me, with Darla and Dad right next

652
00:32:16,440 --> 00:32:18,560
Speaker 4: to me, that the state would take its cut of

653
00:32:18,640 --> 00:32:21,480
Speaker 4: taxes and I would receive a cashier's.

654
00:32:21,000 --> 00:32:22,800
Speaker 1: Check of the balance. Okay, fine.

655
00:32:23,160 --> 00:32:25,880
Speaker 4: The balance was roughly eighty two hundred dollars, which I

656
00:32:26,000 --> 00:32:30,160
Speaker 4: turned and literally handed to Darla, who immediately asked, where's

657
00:32:30,200 --> 00:32:33,560
Speaker 4: the rest. I explained that I went towards taxes. Dad

658
00:32:33,560 --> 00:32:36,920
Speaker 4: explained that I went to taxes. The clerk explains that

659
00:32:37,000 --> 00:32:39,360
Speaker 4: I went to taxes. I wonder if it went to

660
00:32:39,480 --> 00:32:42,480
Speaker 4: taxis like that. She kept saying that what they kept

661
00:32:42,520 --> 00:32:45,600
Speaker 4: saying this fake made up word, right Dad, I didn't

662
00:32:45,600 --> 00:32:49,440
Speaker 4: know what it was. I just wanted my two thousand dollars.

663
00:32:49,800 --> 00:32:53,000
Speaker 4: Darla initially sulked but pocketed the check.

664
00:32:53,320 --> 00:32:54,600
Speaker 1: Fast forward a couple of years.

665
00:32:54,960 --> 00:32:57,160
Speaker 4: I'm getting home from a nine month deployment just in

666
00:32:57,200 --> 00:32:59,360
Speaker 4: time for my birthday and decided to spend it that

667
00:32:59,480 --> 00:33:02,200
Speaker 4: year with Dad. We went to our favorite Chinese buffet,

668
00:33:02,480 --> 00:33:05,760
Speaker 4: then the Pew Poo Range to celebrate. After we got

669
00:33:05,800 --> 00:33:07,640
Speaker 4: back to the house, we're sitting in the living room

670
00:33:07,800 --> 00:33:09,240
Speaker 4: cleaning our Merca.

671
00:33:09,760 --> 00:33:12,120
Speaker 1: When Darla comes in and sits.

672
00:33:11,840 --> 00:33:13,600
Speaker 4: On the other end of the couch for me, she

673
00:33:13,760 --> 00:33:16,720
Speaker 4: makes some idle, random chit chat with Dad while I'm

674
00:33:17,000 --> 00:33:20,840
Speaker 4: staunchly ignoring her. I hold her responsible for Grandma passing

675
00:33:20,920 --> 00:33:24,040
Speaker 4: when she did. There's a quiet couple of minutes, and

676
00:33:24,040 --> 00:33:26,200
Speaker 4: then Darla, without wishing me a happy birthday.

677
00:33:26,280 --> 00:33:29,280
Speaker 1: It was literally the day of 're asking how deployment went.

678
00:33:29,400 --> 00:33:33,320
Speaker 4: Says, so, since her flush from all that war money,

679
00:33:33,600 --> 00:33:36,160
Speaker 4: can I can I.

680
00:33:36,200 --> 00:33:39,360
Speaker 1: Get the eighteen hundred dollars you owe me? I beg

681
00:33:39,920 --> 00:33:42,520
Speaker 1: your finest effing pardon.

682
00:33:43,240 --> 00:33:45,920
Speaker 4: I start putting my whapon back together at a speed

683
00:33:45,920 --> 00:33:49,800
Speaker 4: that would satisfy a marine. Dad immediately speaks up, Darla,

684
00:33:49,960 --> 00:33:50,960
Speaker 4: what are you talking about?

685
00:33:51,040 --> 00:33:52,040
Speaker 1: The estate is settled.

686
00:33:52,600 --> 00:33:55,440
Speaker 4: She winds about the eighteen hundred dollars that was missing

687
00:33:55,480 --> 00:33:57,880
Speaker 4: from the ten grand that she was supposed to get.

688
00:33:58,520 --> 00:33:59,800
Speaker 1: Dad counted to ten.

689
00:34:00,040 --> 00:34:02,080
Speaker 4: And then explained in small words that even if the

690
00:34:02,120 --> 00:34:04,120
Speaker 4: CD had been in her name from the get go,

691
00:34:04,440 --> 00:34:08,000
Speaker 4: it wouldn't have ever been paid out ten thousand dollars.

692
00:34:07,800 --> 00:34:09,960
Speaker 1: Even because of taxes.

693
00:34:10,960 --> 00:34:14,640
Speaker 4: She said, oh, and then gets up and walks out

694
00:34:14,719 --> 00:34:15,680
Speaker 4: without another word.

695
00:34:16,160 --> 00:34:17,439
Speaker 1: After watching her walk out.

696
00:34:17,680 --> 00:34:20,480
Speaker 4: I turned to Dad and racked back the bolts on

697
00:34:20,560 --> 00:34:22,840
Speaker 4: my rifle with my eyebrows raised.

698
00:34:23,160 --> 00:34:27,319
Speaker 1: Dad shook his head. Not on the property, boy, I mean,

699
00:34:27,360 --> 00:34:30,600
Speaker 1: that's a joke. It's a joke, joke, clearly a joke.

700
00:34:30,960 --> 00:34:35,239
Speaker 1: I'm going to do it, just funny, gonna happen. It

701
00:34:35,280 --> 00:34:37,720
Speaker 1: wasn't gonna happen. Exactly why it's funny.

702
00:34:37,760 --> 00:34:40,320
Speaker 3: That's why it's funny is because the joke is that

703
00:34:40,320 --> 00:34:43,160
Speaker 3: that's the wrong thing to do, to try to do

704
00:34:43,239 --> 00:34:45,799
Speaker 3: the bad thing that's very wrong and you shouldn't do.

705
00:34:46,600 --> 00:34:49,160
Speaker 1: And then he joked, all dude, not on the property.

706
00:34:49,239 --> 00:34:49,440
Speaker 4: Ha ha.

707
00:34:49,640 --> 00:34:50,359
Speaker 1: I'm also joke.

708
00:34:50,520 --> 00:34:54,560
Speaker 4: Also jokes. It's jokes, people, jokes before you before you

709
00:34:54,640 --> 00:34:57,080
Speaker 4: get crazy, before you get upset. Just know it was

710
00:34:57,080 --> 00:34:57,479
Speaker 4: a joke.

711
00:34:58,920 --> 00:35:00,719
Speaker 1: To try and keep the story from turning into a

712
00:35:00,800 --> 00:35:04,400
Speaker 1: Homeric epic in length, she tried after every deployment to

713
00:35:04,600 --> 00:35:06,120
Speaker 1: demand that I pay her.

714
00:35:06,360 --> 00:35:08,520
Speaker 4: Then when that's in work, she tried to retain a

715
00:35:08,600 --> 00:35:10,320
Speaker 4: lawyer to sue me for the money.

716
00:35:10,400 --> 00:35:13,360
Speaker 3: Can you imagine like this woman walking into a lawyer's

717
00:35:13,400 --> 00:35:15,600
Speaker 3: office and the lawyer having to like just keep the

718
00:35:15,640 --> 00:35:16,760
Speaker 3: look off of his face.

719
00:35:16,600 --> 00:35:19,160
Speaker 1: Like, oh my god, I just found free money. Yeah,

720
00:35:19,239 --> 00:35:21,160
Speaker 1: I can just pay this woman will I have to

721
00:35:21,200 --> 00:35:23,960
Speaker 1: pay me for my services, and there's nothing I can do.

722
00:35:24,239 --> 00:35:27,239
Speaker 4: I just have to try to explain her something that

723
00:35:27,400 --> 00:35:29,319
Speaker 4: she will never understand and will keep paying me.

724
00:35:29,400 --> 00:35:31,800
Speaker 1: To other day. Well, I'll try to explain taxes to

725
00:35:31,840 --> 00:35:34,480
Speaker 1: you again. But that's five hundred dollars an hour, right.

726
00:35:35,960 --> 00:35:39,000
Speaker 4: The only lawyer that would even consider taking the case

727
00:35:39,080 --> 00:35:43,200
Speaker 4: was one who had been disbarred. Small Clan's court told

728
00:35:43,200 --> 00:35:47,000
Speaker 4: her that her case wouldn't hold water. She still thinks

729
00:35:47,040 --> 00:35:49,880
Speaker 4: that I owe her the money. She blasted through everything

730
00:35:49,880 --> 00:35:52,360
Speaker 4: that she got in the will, about thirty five thousand

731
00:35:52,400 --> 00:35:56,640
Speaker 4: dollars in three months, and after the third time she

732
00:35:56,719 --> 00:36:00,560
Speaker 4: tried to sue me, I told Dad, she is passed

733
00:36:00,560 --> 00:36:03,960
Speaker 4: away to me. She is not to have my contact info,

734
00:36:04,360 --> 00:36:07,000
Speaker 4: no where I am, what I'm doing nothing.

735
00:36:07,560 --> 00:36:08,720
Speaker 1: Dad completely agreed.

736
00:36:08,960 --> 00:36:11,080
Speaker 4: He barely speaks to her but once or twice a year,

737
00:36:11,520 --> 00:36:13,960
Speaker 4: and she lives just down the street from him.

738
00:36:14,040 --> 00:36:16,120
Speaker 1: I understand Op's things.

739
00:36:16,360 --> 00:36:20,240
Speaker 4: The aunt literally does not care about her, Like, doesn't

740
00:36:20,239 --> 00:36:23,640
Speaker 4: ask any questions about Ope at all, just like where's

741
00:36:23,680 --> 00:36:26,200
Speaker 4: the money. But you shouldn't be asking Op, You should

742
00:36:26,200 --> 00:36:28,560
Speaker 4: be asking the government because they're the ones that have it.

743
00:36:28,840 --> 00:36:33,840
Speaker 4: It's it's truly astounding. Yeah, that this person thinks like

744
00:36:33,920 --> 00:36:36,799
Speaker 4: the taxes that the government took are now owed by OP.

745
00:36:37,000 --> 00:36:39,960
Speaker 4: It's like, yeah, I would just explain sales tax. I'd

746
00:36:40,000 --> 00:36:41,200
Speaker 4: be like, so you know how you have to pay

747
00:36:41,200 --> 00:36:43,320
Speaker 4: a little bit of tax every time you buy anything?

748
00:36:43,560 --> 00:36:46,799
Speaker 1: Yeah? Yeah, who do you think gets that money? Yeah

749
00:36:46,920 --> 00:36:50,120
Speaker 1: you don't say like target owes me that money? You know.

750
00:36:50,239 --> 00:36:53,239
Speaker 4: Yeah, Like she was literally there when they cashed the check,

751
00:36:53,320 --> 00:36:55,680
Speaker 4: Like she wasn't Like it's not like they could have

752
00:36:55,840 --> 00:36:57,879
Speaker 4: schemed something and be like, oh it was actually worth

753
00:36:57,960 --> 00:36:58,439
Speaker 4: less than.

754
00:36:58,360 --> 00:37:01,960
Speaker 1: That actual bank teller explain, yeah, what was going on?

755
00:37:02,280 --> 00:37:02,440
Speaker 5: Ry?

756
00:37:02,719 --> 00:37:05,800
Speaker 3: But regardless, I think it's fine if you cut her out.

757
00:37:05,840 --> 00:37:08,440
Speaker 3: Like she's a very toxic force in your life and

758
00:37:08,440 --> 00:37:09,920
Speaker 3: you have a lot of stuff. I think you should

759
00:37:09,920 --> 00:37:13,200
Speaker 3: go to therapy regarding you know, the passing of your

760
00:37:13,200 --> 00:37:16,000
Speaker 3: grandmother and holding on a lot of like resentment and

761
00:37:16,080 --> 00:37:21,040
Speaker 3: like anger about it. You know, it's she's not healthy, like,

762
00:37:21,120 --> 00:37:24,359
Speaker 3: regardless of like it coming from a true place, it's

763
00:37:24,440 --> 00:37:27,160
Speaker 3: unhealthy to hold on to that. Yeah, And you know,

764
00:37:27,239 --> 00:37:30,000
Speaker 3: Darla is also an active addiction right now. It's very

765
00:37:30,080 --> 00:37:33,680
Speaker 3: much seems especially lower. Thirty five thousand dollars in three months. Yeah,

766
00:37:33,800 --> 00:37:34,879
Speaker 3: and an active addiction, and.

767
00:37:34,840 --> 00:37:37,640
Speaker 4: Like asking for this other money because clearly she doesn't

768
00:37:37,640 --> 00:37:38,279
Speaker 4: have the.

769
00:37:38,320 --> 00:37:40,919
Speaker 1: Other stuff that she got rid of. So Darling needs

770
00:37:40,960 --> 00:37:41,600
Speaker 1: a lot of help.

771
00:37:41,880 --> 00:37:43,560
Speaker 3: You definitely don't need to be the one to give

772
00:37:43,600 --> 00:37:45,560
Speaker 3: it to her, for sure, but she definitely needs it.

773
00:37:45,719 --> 00:37:47,759
Speaker 4: Yeah, there's a little bit more to the story, though.

774
00:37:48,040 --> 00:37:50,839
Speaker 4: Whenever I'm in town, we take pains to avoid her.

775
00:37:51,160 --> 00:37:53,560
Speaker 4: I retired out of the Navy seven years ago, and

776
00:37:53,840 --> 00:37:56,879
Speaker 4: I don't know if she knows. I don't care either way.

777
00:37:57,320 --> 00:37:59,960
Speaker 4: Dad's friends are under orders that if he passes before

778
00:38:00,160 --> 00:38:02,440
Speaker 4: she does, so, they are to guard the house until

779
00:38:02,520 --> 00:38:04,920
Speaker 4: I can get there. I would leave a trail of

780
00:38:05,080 --> 00:38:08,560
Speaker 4: opioid bills into the woods and hope that a bear

781
00:38:08,760 --> 00:38:11,800
Speaker 4: eats her. But I would feel bad if the bear,

782
00:38:11,960 --> 00:38:13,640
Speaker 4: Oh deed, Oh my god.

783
00:38:14,000 --> 00:38:14,280
Speaker 1: Look.

784
00:38:14,880 --> 00:38:17,400
Speaker 3: Humor to cope is one thing, but again, it's like,

785
00:38:17,480 --> 00:38:22,719
Speaker 3: if you're holding on to this like seething resentment, it's just.

786
00:38:22,880 --> 00:38:23,719
Speaker 1: Not good for you.

787
00:38:24,000 --> 00:38:26,399
Speaker 3: And I could see I would hope that you work

788
00:38:26,480 --> 00:38:28,440
Speaker 3: through it in a productive environment.

789
00:38:29,800 --> 00:38:32,719
Speaker 1: Regardless of how funny that objectively was. That was kind

790
00:38:32,760 --> 00:38:35,560
Speaker 1: of funny. That was a hilarious out of pocket thing

791
00:38:35,640 --> 00:38:37,400
Speaker 1: to say. Out of pocket joke.

792
00:38:37,640 --> 00:38:40,359
Speaker 3: Yeah, it's a job, people, and you can make jokes

793
00:38:40,360 --> 00:38:43,080
Speaker 3: about terrible things because house are we going to deal

794
00:38:43,120 --> 00:38:43,319
Speaker 3: with them?

795
00:38:43,440 --> 00:38:44,759
Speaker 1: Yeah, that's my perspective.

796
00:38:44,880 --> 00:38:48,719
Speaker 4: But anyways, when she does finally pass away, she can

797
00:38:48,760 --> 00:38:51,640
Speaker 4: go into a pauper's grave. I do not give a

798
00:38:51,680 --> 00:38:55,400
Speaker 4: single solitary f I am not usually this cold, and

799
00:38:55,520 --> 00:38:58,400
Speaker 4: I've had a couple of really soft hearted friends say,

800
00:38:58,520 --> 00:39:02,640
Speaker 4: but she's family, No, she's related.

801
00:39:02,880 --> 00:39:04,600
Speaker 1: That's not the same thing at all.

802
00:39:04,960 --> 00:39:08,160
Speaker 4: So am I the a hole for ghosting my father's sister.

803
00:39:08,800 --> 00:39:11,240
Speaker 1: No? I mean not really.

804
00:39:11,280 --> 00:39:15,160
Speaker 3: But like again, it's just like she's not you're right,

805
00:39:15,480 --> 00:39:18,400
Speaker 3: Like she's not family, she's related, sure whatever.

806
00:39:18,920 --> 00:39:21,080
Speaker 1: Someone being your family doesn't necessarily mean that you have

807
00:39:21,120 --> 00:39:23,799
Speaker 1: to have them in your lives, even perpetuity. Yeah, but

808
00:39:23,880 --> 00:39:24,520
Speaker 1: she's human.

809
00:39:25,040 --> 00:39:27,920
Speaker 3: Yeah, which is important to remember, I think because it's like,

810
00:39:28,640 --> 00:39:31,200
Speaker 3: you know, again, Darling needs help, she doesn't need it

811
00:39:31,200 --> 00:39:34,440
Speaker 3: from you. It's fine, I think the I think everything

812
00:39:34,480 --> 00:39:37,040
Speaker 3: is fine. Just don't get so wrapped up in your

813
00:39:37,080 --> 00:39:41,160
Speaker 3: hatred and resentment. Yeah that it that it's like just this,

814
00:39:41,320 --> 00:39:43,160
Speaker 3: it's a burden that you're gonna have to carry.

815
00:39:42,960 --> 00:39:44,840
Speaker 1: Exactly you want to let go of that exactly.

816
00:39:44,920 --> 00:39:47,120
Speaker 6: And that is the end of that story. My roommate

817
00:39:47,160 --> 00:39:49,280
Speaker 6: tried to expose her cheating friend.

818
00:39:49,520 --> 00:39:53,239
Speaker 1: It did not end well. Oh no backstory.

819
00:39:53,280 --> 00:39:56,080
Speaker 6: This happened one week ago from now. I am currently

820
00:39:56,080 --> 00:39:58,799
Speaker 6: living abroad in a West European country and come from

821
00:39:58,840 --> 00:39:59,520
Speaker 6: a northern one.

822
00:39:59,760 --> 00:40:02,799
Speaker 1: I'm we move back home in two weeks. This is relevant.

823
00:40:03,040 --> 00:40:05,279
Speaker 6: I currently live with one roommate and we get along great.

824
00:40:05,600 --> 00:40:07,799
Speaker 6: I have lived with her for four months and I

825
00:40:07,840 --> 00:40:10,879
Speaker 6: think she will be a lifelong friend and I really

826
00:40:10,880 --> 00:40:13,160
Speaker 6: love her. The thing is, I am scared I might

827
00:40:13,239 --> 00:40:15,400
Speaker 6: have to put her in danger, and then I'm just

828
00:40:15,480 --> 00:40:17,960
Speaker 6: running away from what I instigated without being able to

829
00:40:17,960 --> 00:40:20,680
Speaker 6: do much to protect or help her afterwards. By the way,

830
00:40:20,719 --> 00:40:23,200
Speaker 6: this comes from Kind Vegetable seventy two to thirty six,

831
00:40:23,320 --> 00:40:24,880
Speaker 6: and if you want to smit your own stories, go

832
00:40:24,920 --> 00:40:28,600
Speaker 6: to the rs slash Okay storytime Separate it. So Wednesday,

833
00:40:28,800 --> 00:40:31,960
Speaker 6: one week ago, Me twenty nine female and my roommate

834
00:40:32,000 --> 00:40:35,359
Speaker 6: Sophie twenty five female were sitting chatting one evening when

835
00:40:35,400 --> 00:40:37,799
Speaker 6: she drops the bomb on me that one of her

836
00:40:37,840 --> 00:40:42,719
Speaker 6: friends turd thirty male used to cheat on his ex girlfriend,

837
00:40:42,760 --> 00:40:46,440
Speaker 6: Lola twenty eight female. Turd and Lola had been together

838
00:40:46,560 --> 00:40:49,640
Speaker 6: for about one year and had broken up amicably some

839
00:40:49,800 --> 00:40:52,920
Speaker 6: weeks ago. Well, Turd was dating Lola. She and Sophie

840
00:40:52,960 --> 00:40:55,759
Speaker 6: had become friends and we're now hanging out together. I

841
00:40:55,800 --> 00:40:57,920
Speaker 6: have also met Lola and she was going to come

842
00:40:57,960 --> 00:41:01,080
Speaker 6: over for drinks that Friday to our house. After Sophie

843
00:41:01,120 --> 00:41:02,960
Speaker 6: told me she knew of the cheating, I got a

844
00:41:02,960 --> 00:41:05,600
Speaker 6: bit mad and asked why she had not either got

845
00:41:05,640 --> 00:41:08,200
Speaker 6: her or to tell Lola or told Lola herself.

846
00:41:09,080 --> 00:41:12,880
Speaker 1: Sophie gave some excuses, but I was none of her business.

847
00:41:13,040 --> 00:41:15,920
Speaker 6: She was scared Lola to shoot the messenger, and she

848
00:41:16,040 --> 00:41:18,760
Speaker 6: was also a bit scared about how Turd would react.

849
00:41:18,920 --> 00:41:23,080
Speaker 6: She has seen him be violent before. Girl, God, what

850
00:41:23,360 --> 00:41:26,160
Speaker 6: are we doing? I pointed out that they were broken

851
00:41:26,239 --> 00:41:31,160
Speaker 6: up now, so Lola knowing should not make Turd too mad. Plus,

852
00:41:31,200 --> 00:41:33,160
Speaker 6: she should not be friends with someone who is so

853
00:41:33,320 --> 00:41:36,279
Speaker 6: violent and unpredictable at the point that she's scared to

854
00:41:36,360 --> 00:41:37,319
Speaker 6: disagree with them.

855
00:41:38,160 --> 00:41:42,360
Speaker 1: Just a life lesson, Just a simple life lesson for you. Yeah.

856
00:41:42,640 --> 00:41:45,000
Speaker 6: We had a healthy discussion where I gave all my

857
00:41:45,080 --> 00:41:47,880
Speaker 6: moral arguments as to why Lola had at least the

858
00:41:48,000 --> 00:41:51,160
Speaker 6: right to know. I even suggested having me tell it

859
00:41:51,320 --> 00:41:55,319
Speaker 6: or send an anonymous message. It ended with Sophie being

860
00:41:55,400 --> 00:41:59,440
Speaker 6: convinced she should find some way to tell Lola. Enter

861
00:41:59,480 --> 00:42:02,480
Speaker 6: Matt twenty five mail, the guy Sophie has been seeing

862
00:42:02,560 --> 00:42:07,520
Speaker 6: for two to three months. He is best friends with Turd. Yikes,

863
00:42:07,680 --> 00:42:12,200
Speaker 6: Sophie not maybe not the best choice, and they have

864
00:42:12,239 --> 00:42:15,520
Speaker 6: been close friends for about eight years. Sophie feels like

865
00:42:15,560 --> 00:42:17,640
Speaker 6: the best way to go about this is to convince

866
00:42:17,800 --> 00:42:20,680
Speaker 6: Matt to convince Turd to tell Lola.

867
00:42:21,280 --> 00:42:26,920
Speaker 7: Terrible idea, what why? No, no her ex? You want

868
00:42:26,920 --> 00:42:29,400
Speaker 7: her ex to go back and tell her that he

869
00:42:29,520 --> 00:42:31,719
Speaker 7: cheated on her after they're broken up?

870
00:42:32,200 --> 00:42:32,439
Speaker 1: No?

871
00:42:32,440 --> 00:42:35,440
Speaker 6: No, no, that way, any retaliation from Trud can be

872
00:42:35,480 --> 00:42:38,200
Speaker 6: against Matt and not Sophie, because Matt is at least

873
00:42:38,200 --> 00:42:41,200
Speaker 6: a pretty big dude who can defend himself, and Matt's

874
00:42:41,200 --> 00:42:42,320
Speaker 6: friendship with Turd.

875
00:42:42,160 --> 00:42:46,080
Speaker 1: Is a longer and stronger one. I agree to the plan. Okay,

876
00:42:46,080 --> 00:42:47,120
Speaker 1: why are we doing that?

877
00:42:47,200 --> 00:42:50,759
Speaker 6: A bit exhausted after our previous discussion. In hindsight, not

878
00:42:50,840 --> 00:42:53,560
Speaker 6: the most solid plan, but in my defense, I did

879
00:42:53,560 --> 00:42:56,440
Speaker 6: not really know these people so Sophie calls Matt and

880
00:42:56,480 --> 00:42:59,920
Speaker 6: puts me on speakerphone and makes me give my arguments.

881
00:43:00,320 --> 00:43:01,719
Speaker 1: I have met Matt and had a.

882
00:43:01,600 --> 00:43:04,919
Speaker 6: Good impression, super friendly guy who treated Sophie really well

883
00:43:04,960 --> 00:43:07,759
Speaker 6: and at the biggest puppy dog guys for alas. He

884
00:43:07,880 --> 00:43:10,399
Speaker 6: is the type to say he used values, but when

885
00:43:10,400 --> 00:43:13,720
Speaker 6: it comes down to it, has zero backbone to stand

886
00:43:13,800 --> 00:43:14,840
Speaker 6: up for those values.

887
00:43:15,400 --> 00:43:16,240
Speaker 1: I shoot my crap.

888
00:43:16,280 --> 00:43:19,920
Speaker 6: And Sophie makes it clear, repeating herself many times that

889
00:43:19,960 --> 00:43:22,480
Speaker 6: she does not want Turd to know that she wants

890
00:43:22,520 --> 00:43:25,400
Speaker 6: Lola to know by the cheating because she is scared

891
00:43:25,440 --> 00:43:28,160
Speaker 6: of what Turd might do. They're on the phone for

892
00:43:28,160 --> 00:43:31,520
Speaker 6: around two hours talking about this. I'm not part of

893
00:43:31,560 --> 00:43:34,960
Speaker 6: most of the conversation. When finally they hang up, Matt

894
00:43:35,000 --> 00:43:37,840
Speaker 6: says he agrees that Lola should know and he needs

895
00:43:37,880 --> 00:43:40,800
Speaker 6: to think about how to go about this. He's apparently

896
00:43:40,840 --> 00:43:43,360
Speaker 6: had this discussion with Turd many times before.

897
00:43:44,120 --> 00:43:44,920
Speaker 1: I'm not kidding.

898
00:43:45,160 --> 00:43:47,839
Speaker 6: Four minutes after Sophie hangs up with Matt, she gets

899
00:43:47,840 --> 00:43:51,080
Speaker 6: a phone call from Turd. She puts Turd on speakerphone

900
00:43:51,120 --> 00:43:54,160
Speaker 6: and he's yelling about how they're not friends anymore. She's

901
00:43:54,200 --> 00:43:57,160
Speaker 6: a horrible person. That it wants to kick lo Lo

902
00:43:57,280 --> 00:44:01,000
Speaker 6: while she's down. That'll make Sophie's life terrible and destroyer.

903
00:44:00,960 --> 00:44:02,640
Speaker 1: He hangs up after.

904
00:44:02,400 --> 00:44:05,960
Speaker 6: That, why are we anywhere near this guy? Why did

905
00:44:06,000 --> 00:44:08,120
Speaker 6: we get him involved in any way?

906
00:44:09,040 --> 00:44:09,200
Speaker 7: Yo?

907
00:44:09,400 --> 00:44:13,040
Speaker 5: I don't get why we're bringing more people. The potential

908
00:44:13,880 --> 00:44:16,960
Speaker 5: herd violence is what changes this soulung?

909
00:44:17,080 --> 00:44:19,400
Speaker 1: Yeah, like, dude, Like, why did you get him involved

910
00:44:19,440 --> 00:44:20,640
Speaker 1: at all? Sop.

911
00:44:20,680 --> 00:44:22,680
Speaker 6: He gets a bit scared, but figures that she's the

912
00:44:22,760 --> 00:44:25,120
Speaker 6: villain to turn now anyway, and that she still wants

913
00:44:25,160 --> 00:44:27,880
Speaker 6: Lola to know. Yeah, maybe we should have started with Lola.

914
00:44:28,160 --> 00:44:30,680
Speaker 6: She has been feeling terrible about this for a while

915
00:44:30,800 --> 00:44:34,400
Speaker 6: and sees me as some cosmic intervention for her moral compass.

916
00:44:34,840 --> 00:44:37,640
Speaker 6: So new plan becomes to tell Lola on Friday when

917
00:44:37,640 --> 00:44:38,920
Speaker 6: she's coming to the house for drinks.

918
00:44:38,960 --> 00:44:42,279
Speaker 1: Anyway, Oh, tell her beforehand. She should have been the

919
00:44:42,320 --> 00:44:44,200
Speaker 1: only person doll literally.

920
00:44:44,719 --> 00:44:47,439
Speaker 6: Matt was supposed to join, but Sophie breaks it off

921
00:44:47,440 --> 00:44:49,560
Speaker 6: with him, seeing it as a red flag that he

922
00:44:49,640 --> 00:44:52,560
Speaker 6: threw her under the bus so quickly, and also that

923
00:44:52,640 --> 00:44:54,520
Speaker 6: he's so close friends with somebody who.

924
00:44:54,400 --> 00:44:55,640
Speaker 1: Would threaten another friend.

925
00:44:56,000 --> 00:44:56,239
Speaker 4: Yeah.

926
00:44:56,360 --> 00:45:00,000
Speaker 6: Yeah, also the violence if you ask me, but whatever, Yeah,

927
00:45:00,200 --> 00:45:01,200
Speaker 6: which is what I said.

928
00:45:01,280 --> 00:45:01,400
Speaker 4: What.

929
00:45:01,840 --> 00:45:04,120
Speaker 1: Yeah, good on Sophie for that one.

930
00:45:04,239 --> 00:45:07,120
Speaker 6: Yeah, at least she's got enough sense there. The day

931
00:45:07,239 --> 00:45:09,600
Speaker 6: ends at one and we go to bed. Friday, one

932
00:45:09,640 --> 00:45:12,479
Speaker 6: week ago, two days after the phone calls, right before

933
00:45:12,520 --> 00:45:14,560
Speaker 6: we're supposed to meet Lola for drinks at our house,

934
00:45:14,800 --> 00:45:17,759
Speaker 6: Sophie gets a textro mark. It's long, and they went

935
00:45:17,800 --> 00:45:20,200
Speaker 6: back and forth a bit, but in some Turd Is

936
00:45:20,239 --> 00:45:22,960
Speaker 6: called Lola and made up some narrative about how Sophie

937
00:45:23,000 --> 00:45:25,640
Speaker 6: hats him and wants revenge for something that happened months ago,

938
00:45:26,360 --> 00:45:29,280
Speaker 6: and that this is why Sophie is telling lies about him.

939
00:45:29,440 --> 00:45:32,640
Speaker 6: Sophie told me she has no idea what he's talking

940
00:45:32,680 --> 00:45:35,839
Speaker 6: about regarding this revenge plot and has tried to make

941
00:45:35,880 --> 00:45:39,200
Speaker 6: Lola clarify what he said, but Lola does not know

942
00:45:39,280 --> 00:45:42,560
Speaker 6: exactly what it is either, Poor Lola getting dragged back

943
00:45:42,600 --> 00:45:43,880
Speaker 6: into her ex's drama.

944
00:45:44,080 --> 00:45:47,120
Speaker 1: Who this is exactly why you just tell Lola hurt?

945
00:45:47,360 --> 00:45:50,200
Speaker 6: Yeah, Lola thinks Sophie is a terrible friend that wants

946
00:45:50,280 --> 00:45:52,960
Speaker 6: to kick Lola while she's down after the breakup, and

947
00:45:52,960 --> 00:45:55,400
Speaker 6: that she believes Turd's story even though she does not

948
00:45:55,600 --> 00:45:58,920
Speaker 6: know about what the supposed revenge is about it seems

949
00:45:59,040 --> 00:46:01,399
Speaker 6: Lola knows someone about the cheating, but not the whole

950
00:46:01,400 --> 00:46:04,120
Speaker 6: story soph He tries to reason and call and tell

951
00:46:04,120 --> 00:46:06,920
Speaker 6: her side, but it's not working. Lola ends the friendship

952
00:46:06,920 --> 00:46:09,600
Speaker 6: with Sophie. Sophie then also gets a new threatening message

953
00:46:09,600 --> 00:46:11,720
Speaker 6: from Turd, a bit similar to what he already said.

954
00:46:11,960 --> 00:46:14,440
Speaker 6: I tell her to screenshot it and send it to

955
00:46:14,480 --> 00:46:17,400
Speaker 6: me and some other friends for safe keeping before blocking

956
00:46:17,480 --> 00:46:18,799
Speaker 6: them on all platforms.

957
00:46:18,880 --> 00:46:20,800
Speaker 1: And it's a Lola, Yes, and it's a Loola.

958
00:46:21,280 --> 00:46:23,200
Speaker 6: Luckily, Turd is on a trip to see his family

959
00:46:23,239 --> 00:46:25,760
Speaker 6: for two months. He is from another country and continent,

960
00:46:25,920 --> 00:46:27,960
Speaker 6: so he can have some time to calm down while

961
00:46:27,960 --> 00:46:30,080
Speaker 6: he's far away. And that's the end of the story.

962
00:46:30,239 --> 00:46:32,200
Speaker 6: My thing now is that I feel bad about being

963
00:46:32,200 --> 00:46:36,080
Speaker 6: the instigator here because I definitely was. I mean, yeah,

964
00:46:36,120 --> 00:46:37,320
Speaker 6: you did play a role.

965
00:46:37,320 --> 00:46:40,440
Speaker 1: Eh, you started it. But he's good. I know.

966
00:46:40,520 --> 00:46:43,040
Speaker 6: I have my own experiences and opinions about cheating that

967
00:46:43,080 --> 00:46:46,000
Speaker 6: are very strong, and I definitely push Sophie into action,

968
00:46:46,560 --> 00:46:49,759
Speaker 6: but she chose the worst action possible. She is not

969
00:46:49,880 --> 00:46:52,759
Speaker 6: mad at me, calling me her cosmic intervention that made

970
00:46:52,760 --> 00:46:55,360
Speaker 6: her end a friendship with a horrible person the turd

971
00:46:55,600 --> 00:46:58,200
Speaker 6: and saying how mad was trash that took itself out.

972
00:46:58,360 --> 00:47:00,440
Speaker 6: She was about sad about how it went with Loa,

973
00:47:00,760 --> 00:47:03,160
Speaker 6: but figures she did what she could and at least

974
00:47:03,160 --> 00:47:05,880
Speaker 6: her conscience is clear. I feel bad about leaving the

975
00:47:05,920 --> 00:47:08,560
Speaker 6: country so soon and not being there for Sophie if

976
00:47:08,560 --> 00:47:11,040
Speaker 6: turd turns up again. The contract for the house ends

977
00:47:11,080 --> 00:47:14,200
Speaker 6: in November, and I have suggested to her to move sooner. However,

978
00:47:14,320 --> 00:47:16,799
Speaker 6: she said no because she really loves living here. It's

979
00:47:16,800 --> 00:47:19,360
Speaker 6: a quiet part of the city with lots of families around.

980
00:47:19,560 --> 00:47:22,160
Speaker 6: At least if there's any trouble and yelling, people will

981
00:47:22,160 --> 00:47:24,560
Speaker 6: come and intervene. Do you have be final thoughts.

982
00:47:24,840 --> 00:47:27,560
Speaker 5: I mean, it's definitely not great that he's potentially violent

983
00:47:27,640 --> 00:47:32,920
Speaker 5: and she left. Yeah, I'm like very morally confuted on

984
00:47:32,960 --> 00:47:37,360
Speaker 5: this one, to be honest, because I was the botcher

985
00:47:37,800 --> 00:47:41,879
Speaker 5: of a similar situation without the violence, And like it's

986
00:47:42,000 --> 00:47:45,440
Speaker 5: tough because like obviously everyone wants to stop like a

987
00:47:45,440 --> 00:47:49,120
Speaker 5: potential cheater, But like, what's the line of like it

988
00:47:49,239 --> 00:47:50,480
Speaker 5: being your place or not?

989
00:47:50,840 --> 00:47:52,440
Speaker 1: Is really great? Yeah?

990
00:47:52,800 --> 00:47:55,680
Speaker 6: No, absolutely, I think because it was after the relationship.

991
00:47:55,800 --> 00:47:57,520
Speaker 6: I mean, yeah, I think she should have said something

992
00:47:57,600 --> 00:48:00,440
Speaker 6: during the relationship. But you know, that's kind of not

993
00:48:00,560 --> 00:48:03,120
Speaker 6: what We can't go back. But I think if you

994
00:48:03,200 --> 00:48:05,680
Speaker 6: could to tell someone about cheating that happened during the

995
00:48:05,760 --> 00:48:08,200
Speaker 6: relationship and they're no longer in that relationship, maybe don't

996
00:48:08,200 --> 00:48:09,440
Speaker 6: bring their ex into it.

997
00:48:09,800 --> 00:48:13,000
Speaker 1: No, just go straight straight to your friend. Don't bring

998
00:48:13,080 --> 00:48:15,600
Speaker 1: her violent X into it. That was stupid.

999
00:48:15,800 --> 00:48:19,279
Speaker 5: We would have saved a lot of time, potentially turd

1000
00:48:19,400 --> 00:48:20,840
Speaker 5: not even if you're finding out about.

1001
00:48:20,600 --> 00:48:23,880
Speaker 6: It, probably wouldn't have lost Lola. You probably wouldn't have

1002
00:48:23,920 --> 00:48:26,520
Speaker 6: these threats on your you know, or at least Sophie

1003
00:48:26,520 --> 00:48:29,680
Speaker 6: wouldn't have this. So I also talked about this with

1004
00:48:29,719 --> 00:48:32,040
Speaker 6: another friend and she said that I was meddling too

1005
00:48:32,120 --> 00:48:35,200
Speaker 6: much and telling Lola was none of our business. She

1006
00:48:35,280 --> 00:48:38,360
Speaker 6: also said planning to tell Lola so soon after the

1007
00:48:38,360 --> 00:48:41,279
Speaker 6: breakup was mean and kicking someone while they were down.

1008
00:48:41,800 --> 00:48:45,279
Speaker 6: The opinion shared by Lola interred, but Sophie told me

1009
00:48:45,320 --> 00:48:47,880
Speaker 6: that Lola had been talking about wanting to get back

1010
00:48:47,960 --> 00:48:51,160
Speaker 6: with herd, which is why it was important to tell her.

1011
00:48:51,480 --> 00:48:53,719
Speaker 6: Would this not help Lola get over him? And I

1012
00:48:53,760 --> 00:48:56,439
Speaker 6: don't give one flying f about boy or girl code here.

1013
00:48:56,520 --> 00:49:00,239
Speaker 6: This is a human thing. Lola has the right to

1014
00:49:00,280 --> 00:49:03,560
Speaker 6: know as a human being about how somebody close to

1015
00:49:03,600 --> 00:49:07,240
Speaker 6: her that she trusted went behind her back and treated

1016
00:49:07,239 --> 00:49:10,759
Speaker 6: her terribly, that somebody she loved clearly did not love

1017
00:49:10,760 --> 00:49:14,560
Speaker 6: her the same is a liar and lack sympathy. Lola's

1018
00:49:14,600 --> 00:49:15,120
Speaker 6: the right to know.

1019
00:49:15,520 --> 00:49:16,320
Speaker 1: It's her life.

1020
00:49:16,440 --> 00:49:18,719
Speaker 6: My thoughts are strong on the subject, so there might

1021
00:49:18,719 --> 00:49:20,719
Speaker 6: be some aspects I am a bit blind to see

1022
00:49:20,760 --> 00:49:23,960
Speaker 6: here in my quest to go against cheeters. So reddit,

1023
00:49:24,120 --> 00:49:27,440
Speaker 6: am I the ale for instigating this conflict and potentially

1024
00:49:27,480 --> 00:49:30,160
Speaker 6: putting my roommate in danger? Would you want to be

1025
00:49:30,239 --> 00:49:32,920
Speaker 6: told of an extat cheated on you? Any advice on

1026
00:49:33,000 --> 00:49:35,799
Speaker 6: ways to make sure Sophie is as safe as possible? No,

1027
00:49:35,920 --> 00:49:38,200
Speaker 6: you shouldn't have told her like that. You're not the

1028
00:49:38,239 --> 00:49:42,640
Speaker 6: ale for telling Sophie she should tell Lola, but definitely

1029
00:49:42,680 --> 00:49:43,399
Speaker 6: didn't go about it.

1030
00:49:43,320 --> 00:49:46,319
Speaker 1: The right way. Yeah, fully agree, But folks, that's the

1031
00:49:46,520 --> 00:49:49,160
Speaker 1: end of that story. Hey, it's johny og host here.

1032
00:49:49,160 --> 00:49:50,560
Speaker 1: We're gonna get back to the stories. But he's a

1033
00:49:50,600 --> 00:49:53,160
Speaker 1: quick three minute break of ass from our sponsors. My

1034
00:49:53,280 --> 00:49:58,200
Speaker 1: friend keeps rejecting me. He just doesn't understand me, does

1035
00:49:58,400 --> 00:49:59,000
Speaker 1: accept me?

1036
00:49:59,480 --> 00:50:02,880
Speaker 3: I twenty four females started talking to an online friend

1037
00:50:02,920 --> 00:50:07,040
Speaker 3: twenty seven male. We will call him Hans fake name

1038
00:50:07,400 --> 00:50:10,480
Speaker 3: again around two years ago, after we hadn't talked for

1039
00:50:10,600 --> 00:50:13,440
Speaker 3: like three years, probably because we were both busy with life.

1040
00:50:13,520 --> 00:50:16,480
Speaker 3: By the way, this comes from user Helpless and Sad

1041
00:50:16,520 --> 00:50:18,760
Speaker 3: Help and if you want to submit your own stories,

1042
00:50:18,800 --> 00:50:20,560
Speaker 3: go to the our slide shoky story and I'm Subreddit.

1043
00:50:20,640 --> 00:50:23,000
Speaker 3: It was around the time I was about to break

1044
00:50:23,080 --> 00:50:26,160
Speaker 3: up with my ex boyfriend anyway, and I somehow fell

1045
00:50:26,239 --> 00:50:29,400
Speaker 3: for him almost instantly. I noticed right away how I

1046
00:50:29,440 --> 00:50:31,520
Speaker 3: got nervous when he was there, and how I kept

1047
00:50:31,560 --> 00:50:34,400
Speaker 3: stumbling about my words, how I kept looking forward to

1048
00:50:34,440 --> 00:50:37,560
Speaker 3: spending time with him, and how I was too invested

1049
00:50:37,600 --> 00:50:40,319
Speaker 3: in his private After breaking up with my ex, we

1050
00:50:40,400 --> 00:50:44,200
Speaker 3: already had problems long before that. I wasn't even ready

1051
00:50:44,200 --> 00:50:47,719
Speaker 3: for a new relationship right away, so I just came clean.

1052
00:50:47,520 --> 00:50:49,080
Speaker 1: And asked Hans to reject me.

1053
00:50:49,400 --> 00:50:51,520
Speaker 3: My plan was to get rejected and move on, but

1054
00:50:51,560 --> 00:50:53,600
Speaker 3: I messed up big time and couldn't get over him

1055
00:50:53,640 --> 00:50:56,719
Speaker 3: at all. I had just finished my three years of

1056
00:50:56,760 --> 00:50:59,520
Speaker 3: training for my job and started working for real, but

1057
00:50:59,600 --> 00:51:02,600
Speaker 3: since I I am disabled and struggle with my health

1058
00:51:02,640 --> 00:51:04,520
Speaker 3: and stress, I fell into depression.

1059
00:51:04,960 --> 00:51:07,799
Speaker 1: Not getting over him also contributed heavily to this.

1060
00:51:08,040 --> 00:51:10,640
Speaker 3: I got therapy and tried to work again three times,

1061
00:51:10,680 --> 00:51:13,120
Speaker 3: but never managed to get better, which led me to

1062
00:51:13,320 --> 00:51:16,560
Speaker 3: still currently being unemployed. Hans didn't want to give me

1063
00:51:16,600 --> 00:51:18,960
Speaker 3: a chance at a relationship at all. He has never

1064
00:51:19,040 --> 00:51:21,200
Speaker 3: even dated or fallen in love and is not interested

1065
00:51:21,200 --> 00:51:23,280
Speaker 3: in me in the slightest. It was hard to accept,

1066
00:51:23,320 --> 00:51:26,120
Speaker 3: but I didn't really have any other choice. To get

1067
00:51:26,120 --> 00:51:28,359
Speaker 3: over him and find happiness, I started looking for a

1068
00:51:28,360 --> 00:51:31,160
Speaker 3: new boyfriend and met my now current boyfriend, let's call

1069
00:51:31,200 --> 00:51:33,040
Speaker 3: him Heinrich twenty six male.

1070
00:51:33,160 --> 00:51:34,880
Speaker 1: I love Heinrich, and I was.

1071
00:51:34,960 --> 00:51:37,960
Speaker 3: Honest to him about Hans and my still lingering feelings

1072
00:51:37,960 --> 00:51:40,200
Speaker 3: from the beginning, and I am a very lucky woman

1073
00:51:40,239 --> 00:51:42,320
Speaker 3: to have found someone like this. He helps me a

1074
00:51:42,360 --> 00:51:44,480
Speaker 3: lot when I am ill, and visited me when I

1075
00:51:44,520 --> 00:51:46,640
Speaker 3: had to stay in the hospital. He is a great

1076
00:51:46,680 --> 00:51:49,680
Speaker 3: man and very understanding. We do not have a lot

1077
00:51:49,680 --> 00:51:52,840
Speaker 3: in common, sadly, but it's okay. I love him nonetheless.

1078
00:51:52,960 --> 00:51:56,120
Speaker 3: A while ago, I felt like my feelings for Hans

1079
00:51:56,120 --> 00:51:58,800
Speaker 3: had finally gone away for good, and I told both

1080
00:51:58,800 --> 00:52:00,759
Speaker 3: of them. Hans and I had built what I thought

1081
00:52:00,800 --> 00:52:02,920
Speaker 3: was a strong friendship, even though I had feelings for

1082
00:52:03,000 --> 00:52:04,200
Speaker 3: him for a long time.

1083
00:52:04,440 --> 00:52:06,800
Speaker 1: He helped me a great deal with my depression.

1084
00:52:07,160 --> 00:52:10,000
Speaker 3: Hans, however, tends to act distant or wants me to

1085
00:52:10,080 --> 00:52:12,439
Speaker 3: not contact him when I have strong feelings for him

1086
00:52:12,760 --> 00:52:15,200
Speaker 3: again because he thinks that it is not good for me,

1087
00:52:15,400 --> 00:52:17,480
Speaker 3: and I know he is right. After telling him I

1088
00:52:17,560 --> 00:52:20,000
Speaker 3: was over him, I felt like the distance was slowly fading.

1089
00:52:20,360 --> 00:52:22,399
Speaker 3: We do talk about the topic from time to time,

1090
00:52:22,440 --> 00:52:24,440
Speaker 3: though I know he doesn't owe me anything, but I

1091
00:52:24,520 --> 00:52:26,360
Speaker 3: never really took it well that he never gave me

1092
00:52:26,400 --> 00:52:29,680
Speaker 3: a chance and kept joking about it, which hurt my feelings.

1093
00:52:29,760 --> 00:52:32,120
Speaker 3: My depression kept giving me that feeling that I just

1094
00:52:32,239 --> 00:52:33,960
Speaker 3: wasn't good or beautiful enough for it.

1095
00:52:34,239 --> 00:52:36,359
Speaker 1: I know that's not true, but it gave me a

1096
00:52:36,400 --> 00:52:37,360
Speaker 1: lot of problems.

1097
00:52:37,480 --> 00:52:39,960
Speaker 3: Recently, I brought up that topic again about him not

1098
00:52:40,000 --> 00:52:42,520
Speaker 3: having given me a chance, and then I understand it,

1099
00:52:42,560 --> 00:52:44,919
Speaker 3: but still feel like it's sad he didn't even want

1100
00:52:44,960 --> 00:52:45,360
Speaker 3: to try.

1101
00:52:45,719 --> 00:52:48,799
Speaker 1: It's not reading like we're over it. No no, no, no,

1102
00:52:48,800 --> 00:52:50,240
Speaker 1: no no no no.

1103
00:52:51,520 --> 00:52:54,479
Speaker 6: You're in a relationship with Heinrich. You can't be going

1104
00:52:54,560 --> 00:52:56,920
Speaker 6: to you can't like that's not reading. How you think

1105
00:52:57,000 --> 00:52:59,440
Speaker 6: is reading like I feel like, Oh, he's like, oh,

1106
00:52:59,480 --> 00:53:02,480
Speaker 6: it really sucks that we never trot. No, you can't

1107
00:53:02,560 --> 00:53:05,160
Speaker 6: say that to a guy that you liked because it

1108
00:53:05,160 --> 00:53:06,480
Speaker 6: feels like you still like him.

1109
00:53:06,719 --> 00:53:09,080
Speaker 1: Oh no, it gets worse. No, of course it does.

1110
00:53:09,360 --> 00:53:12,640
Speaker 3: No for context, he keeps complaining that he has never

1111
00:53:12,680 --> 00:53:14,560
Speaker 3: had a girlfriend and that he wanted to get married

1112
00:53:14,600 --> 00:53:17,040
Speaker 3: and have kids while still young. So I asked him,

1113
00:53:17,040 --> 00:53:19,719
Speaker 3: if things didn't work out with me and heinrich and

1114
00:53:19,800 --> 00:53:22,080
Speaker 3: he still hasn't found a woman, if he's thirty five

1115
00:53:22,200 --> 00:53:24,759
Speaker 3: or forty, if he would be willing to try dating me.

1116
00:53:24,840 --> 00:53:28,320
Speaker 1: Then things escalated and he hurt my feelings.

1117
00:53:28,520 --> 00:53:30,839
Speaker 3: I know it was a wiener move, but I told

1118
00:53:30,920 --> 00:53:33,160
Speaker 3: him I wish for him to have the same experience

1119
00:53:33,560 --> 00:53:35,920
Speaker 3: as I did, because he just doesn't understand me and

1120
00:53:36,080 --> 00:53:38,560
Speaker 3: keeps hurting me. To be honest, I wanted him to

1121
00:53:38,960 --> 00:53:41,399
Speaker 3: distance himself a bit from me again, and I got

1122
00:53:41,440 --> 00:53:44,920
Speaker 3: exactly that. However, it was even more than that. He

1123
00:53:44,960 --> 00:53:47,480
Speaker 3: stopped replying to me at all, and I thought that

1124
00:53:47,640 --> 00:53:51,399
Speaker 3: was temporary. I apologized multiple times and asked him when

1125
00:53:51,520 --> 00:53:53,960
Speaker 3: he will come back, But even though he kept reading

1126
00:53:53,960 --> 00:53:56,280
Speaker 3: my messages and not blocking me, he did not respond

1127
00:53:56,280 --> 00:53:56,760
Speaker 3: to anything.

1128
00:53:57,000 --> 00:54:00,399
Speaker 1: I felt terrible and sent him flowers as an apology. Ah.

1129
00:54:00,440 --> 00:54:03,640
Speaker 3: Apparently that got him to talk to me one last time.

1130
00:54:04,480 --> 00:54:06,320
Speaker 3: He was one hundred percent sure that we had agreed

1131
00:54:06,360 --> 00:54:08,520
Speaker 3: to end the friendship and didn't understand why I was

1132
00:54:08,560 --> 00:54:11,680
Speaker 3: now saying otherwise. I, however, thought it was temporary and

1133
00:54:11,680 --> 00:54:15,280
Speaker 3: didn't understand how he came to that conclusion, especially reading

1134
00:54:15,320 --> 00:54:16,799
Speaker 3: my messages that should have.

1135
00:54:16,760 --> 00:54:18,200
Speaker 1: Made it clear that I had no clue.

1136
00:54:18,320 --> 00:54:21,080
Speaker 3: He accused me of lying and that I only sent

1137
00:54:21,160 --> 00:54:23,480
Speaker 3: him the flowers to get to him and get him

1138
00:54:23,520 --> 00:54:25,440
Speaker 3: to talk to me. I tried to understand why he

1139
00:54:25,480 --> 00:54:27,640
Speaker 3: wasn't willing to continue the friendship after all the time

1140
00:54:27,680 --> 00:54:29,960
Speaker 3: we spent together and everything we had gone through and

1141
00:54:30,080 --> 00:54:32,640
Speaker 3: overcome up to that point. He said that nothing I

1142
00:54:32,719 --> 00:54:34,400
Speaker 3: say can get him to change his mind, and that

1143
00:54:34,440 --> 00:54:36,359
Speaker 3: he can choose who he wants to be friends with.

1144
00:54:36,520 --> 00:54:38,839
Speaker 3: I do not want to accept this, even though I

1145
00:54:38,880 --> 00:54:41,120
Speaker 3: know he is free to choose. It feels like he

1146
00:54:41,160 --> 00:54:43,239
Speaker 3: is throwing away everything we built in the last two

1147
00:54:43,320 --> 00:54:46,640
Speaker 3: years and what he worked so hard through. He said

1148
00:54:46,640 --> 00:54:48,600
Speaker 3: he wants me to distance myself from him, and that

1149
00:54:48,640 --> 00:54:50,440
Speaker 3: in the future he would be there for me again.

1150
00:54:50,760 --> 00:54:52,640
Speaker 3: But he doesn't want a friendship anymore, and that he

1151
00:54:52,680 --> 00:54:55,160
Speaker 3: will continue to pray for me. He is very religious,

1152
00:54:55,200 --> 00:54:57,160
Speaker 3: and that he doesn't want to block me. I told

1153
00:54:57,239 --> 00:55:00,279
Speaker 3: him that is so inconsequential. He can't keep pray for

1154
00:55:00,280 --> 00:55:03,000
Speaker 3: someone he no longer wants around him, and isn't being

1155
00:55:03,040 --> 00:55:05,560
Speaker 3: there for someone part of a friendship. He's not willing

1156
00:55:05,600 --> 00:55:07,919
Speaker 3: to talk to me anymore. I think in a way,

1157
00:55:08,080 --> 00:55:10,600
Speaker 3: Hans is trying to be your friend. Yeah, he's trying

1158
00:55:10,600 --> 00:55:12,719
Speaker 3: to be your friend by being like if if if

1159
00:55:12,760 --> 00:55:14,080
Speaker 3: I continue this relationship with.

1160
00:55:14,080 --> 00:55:16,640
Speaker 1: Youar gonna mix, gonna get mixed signals, Your feelings are

1161
00:55:16,640 --> 00:55:17,399
Speaker 1: gonna get more hurt.

1162
00:55:17,719 --> 00:55:21,040
Speaker 3: Yeah, And it doesn't seem like you can separate those

1163
00:55:21,120 --> 00:55:21,640
Speaker 3: on your own.

1164
00:55:21,680 --> 00:55:24,359
Speaker 1: So I'm gonna step in and and help out here,

1165
00:55:24,760 --> 00:55:26,279
Speaker 1: even if it's not what you want. It's like a

1166
00:55:27,280 --> 00:55:30,719
Speaker 1: it's a relapse. Just keep yeah. Yeah, I just don't think.

1167
00:55:31,040 --> 00:55:32,600
Speaker 1: I don't like that word, but it kind of feels

1168
00:55:32,600 --> 00:55:34,440
Speaker 1: like that's what it feels like. Like every time it's like,

1169
00:55:34,719 --> 00:55:36,839
Speaker 1: oh I want, like that's what I want?

1170
00:55:37,040 --> 00:55:38,839
Speaker 3: Yeah, Because I would, honestly if I was Hans, I'd

1171
00:55:38,880 --> 00:55:41,000
Speaker 3: feel really uncomfortable too, if, like I knew you were

1172
00:55:41,080 --> 00:55:43,160
Speaker 3: dating someone else and then you came to me and

1173
00:55:43,200 --> 00:55:44,760
Speaker 3: then you were like, you know, it was like, okay,

1174
00:55:44,800 --> 00:55:47,000
Speaker 3: we've just we're on the other side, we're friends now.

1175
00:55:47,200 --> 00:55:48,640
Speaker 3: And then you drop the hey, do you want to

1176
00:55:48,680 --> 00:55:50,480
Speaker 3: get married when you're thirty five? This doesn't work.

1177
00:55:50,560 --> 00:55:52,560
Speaker 1: It'd be like I'd be like, oh, so we're not

1178
00:55:52,640 --> 00:55:55,879
Speaker 1: there anymore, because that's not how that works. Yeah, I've

1179
00:55:55,920 --> 00:55:56,480
Speaker 1: said it before.

1180
00:55:56,640 --> 00:56:00,399
Speaker 6: You can only ask your friends out once unless there's

1181
00:56:00,520 --> 00:56:02,480
Speaker 6: a large change and vibe.

1182
00:56:02,560 --> 00:56:05,279
Speaker 1: Otherwise you can't ask them out again. Yeah, it doesn't work.

1183
00:56:05,360 --> 00:56:10,960
Speaker 1: That's in Sophia's Bible, my Bible. Read it, read it. Okay,

1184
00:56:11,080 --> 00:56:12,799
Speaker 1: he hasn't said anything for a whole month.

1185
00:56:12,880 --> 00:56:16,080
Speaker 3: Now. I feel absolutely terrible and can't seem to process

1186
00:56:16,120 --> 00:56:19,160
Speaker 3: it at all. I keep crying myself to sleep, which

1187
00:56:19,160 --> 00:56:21,600
Speaker 3: makes me think I might still have some feelings after all,

1188
00:56:21,719 --> 00:56:23,440
Speaker 3: Which makes me think I might still have some feelings

1189
00:56:23,480 --> 00:56:26,000
Speaker 3: after all, which makes me feel a little terrible as

1190
00:56:26,040 --> 00:56:26,640
Speaker 3: a girlfriend.

1191
00:56:26,840 --> 00:56:29,040
Speaker 1: Everything keeps spiraling and getting worse in my head.

1192
00:56:29,360 --> 00:56:31,759
Speaker 3: Nothing I try makes him reply to me, and I

1193
00:56:31,800 --> 00:56:33,680
Speaker 3: can't keep myself from texting him this.

1194
00:56:33,800 --> 00:56:37,160
Speaker 1: I feel bad for Hans. I feel bad be p Yeah,

1195
00:56:37,200 --> 00:56:39,319
Speaker 1: I know, I feel it's ope. I think we need

1196
00:56:39,320 --> 00:56:39,880
Speaker 1: a little therapy.

1197
00:56:39,960 --> 00:56:42,959
Speaker 3: Er, we need somebody to help us, like you're saying,

1198
00:56:42,960 --> 00:56:45,759
Speaker 3: like you can't make sense of this. Yeah, so when

1199
00:56:45,800 --> 00:56:48,279
Speaker 3: that happens, it's perfect time to get someone to help us.

1200
00:56:48,520 --> 00:56:53,600
Speaker 1: Yes, therapy. Stop talking to Hans. Yeah, yeah.

1201
00:56:54,040 --> 00:56:56,400
Speaker 3: I regret saying these words so much, since he was

1202
00:56:56,440 --> 00:56:59,319
Speaker 3: so incredibly important to me. I just wanted him to

1203
00:56:59,400 --> 00:57:02,160
Speaker 3: understand me and stop being hurtful, and I did it

1204
00:57:02,200 --> 00:57:05,040
Speaker 3: in the most terrible way possible. I know it sounds terrible,

1205
00:57:05,080 --> 00:57:07,200
Speaker 3: but he was the love of my life, and that's

1206
00:57:07,239 --> 00:57:09,360
Speaker 3: also why I had so much trouble letting go of

1207
00:57:09,400 --> 00:57:11,839
Speaker 3: him in the first place. I asked my boyfriend if

1208
00:57:11,840 --> 00:57:14,040
Speaker 3: he wants to break up because I'm crying over another man,

1209
00:57:14,120 --> 00:57:17,320
Speaker 3: but he doesn't want to. I feel absolutely powerless and

1210
00:57:17,440 --> 00:57:20,960
Speaker 3: like a horrible person for everything. It's probably better for

1211
00:57:21,000 --> 00:57:23,240
Speaker 3: Hans and me to not talk anymore, but I just

1212
00:57:23,280 --> 00:57:25,600
Speaker 3: feel like this breaks me more and more every day.

1213
00:57:25,720 --> 00:57:27,560
Speaker 3: Please be honest with me and tell me how much

1214
00:57:27,640 --> 00:57:30,120
Speaker 3: I deserve this, because maybe then I can start to

1215
00:57:30,160 --> 00:57:33,120
Speaker 3: accept it. I don't want Hans or Heinrich to be unhappy,

1216
00:57:33,280 --> 00:57:35,440
Speaker 3: yet I am the reason I know my relationship with

1217
00:57:35,480 --> 00:57:37,560
Speaker 3: Heinrich is still going well, but I feel like I

1218
00:57:37,560 --> 00:57:39,600
Speaker 3: should break up with him so that he doesn't get

1219
00:57:39,680 --> 00:57:41,680
Speaker 3: hurt by my stupid But I agree.

1220
00:57:41,440 --> 00:57:43,160
Speaker 1: You were not ready for a relationship. You were in

1221
00:57:43,160 --> 00:57:43,880
Speaker 1: love with someone else.

1222
00:57:43,960 --> 00:57:47,440
Speaker 6: You were not in love with Heinrich, and stop stop

1223
00:57:47,480 --> 00:57:48,240
Speaker 6: talking to Hans.

1224
00:57:48,400 --> 00:57:49,680
Speaker 3: Yeah, I think we need to fall in love with

1225
00:57:49,720 --> 00:57:52,040
Speaker 3: ourselves here a little bit. And it's not about like

1226
00:57:52,120 --> 00:57:53,560
Speaker 3: tell me how much I deserve it. It's like you

1227
00:57:53,600 --> 00:57:56,000
Speaker 3: don't deserve to be going through like emotional turmoil.

1228
00:57:56,080 --> 00:57:58,800
Speaker 1: It's just about like what's actually best for us? Yeah,

1229
00:57:58,840 --> 00:57:59,520
Speaker 1: that's all it is.

1230
00:57:59,800 --> 00:58:02,919
Speaker 3: But doing so would also hurt him and probably bring

1231
00:58:02,960 --> 00:58:05,520
Speaker 3: me down even more. What am I supposed to do?

1232
00:58:05,760 --> 00:58:07,720
Speaker 3: We have some comments, we've already spoken our minds. Let's

1233
00:58:07,720 --> 00:58:10,280
Speaker 3: go ahead and get right into the comments. Number one, Personally,

1234
00:58:10,320 --> 00:58:12,919
Speaker 3: it sounds like you're being selfish and only caring about

1235
00:58:12,960 --> 00:58:15,280
Speaker 3: your own feelings. Your friend made it clear that he

1236
00:58:15,360 --> 00:58:18,040
Speaker 3: wasn't interested in you, and you wanted your friendship. You

1237
00:58:18,120 --> 00:58:21,320
Speaker 3: crossed that boundary by asking about a relationship again, not

1238
00:58:21,440 --> 00:58:24,080
Speaker 3: to mention, you are now with someone who doesn't deserve

1239
00:58:24,120 --> 00:58:26,480
Speaker 3: to be with someone who isn't fully committed. How can

1240
00:58:26,520 --> 00:58:28,400
Speaker 3: you say Hans is the love of your life while

1241
00:58:28,440 --> 00:58:31,160
Speaker 3: you're dating Heinrich. How can you suggest or plan for

1242
00:58:31,200 --> 00:58:34,520
Speaker 3: another potential relationship while still with Heinrich. That's not fair

1243
00:58:34,560 --> 00:58:38,440
Speaker 3: to your current partner. You would be the Ahle advice.

1244
00:58:38,560 --> 00:58:40,560
Speaker 3: I would try to let go of your friendship. I

1245
00:58:40,600 --> 00:58:42,880
Speaker 3: don't think it's healthy for you to be blowing up

1246
00:58:42,920 --> 00:58:46,080
Speaker 3: his phone when he has made a clear boundary. Don't

1247
00:58:46,080 --> 00:58:49,320
Speaker 3: cross it. It's not respectful. I would suggest therapy and

1248
00:58:49,360 --> 00:58:51,560
Speaker 3: focusing on yourself and trying to figure out why this

1249
00:58:51,600 --> 00:58:54,200
Speaker 3: bothers you so much. When you have someone who is

1250
00:58:54,280 --> 00:58:57,800
Speaker 3: dating you and loves you, comment to agrees you are

1251
00:58:57,800 --> 00:58:58,280
Speaker 3: the a hole.

1252
00:58:58,360 --> 00:58:59,160
Speaker 1: At this point.

1253
00:58:59,360 --> 00:59:02,120
Speaker 3: You are pestering him and punishing him for not having

1254
00:59:02,120 --> 00:59:04,200
Speaker 3: feelings for you. You say he's the love of your life,

1255
00:59:04,200 --> 00:59:06,360
Speaker 3: but can't or won't accept the boundaries he's laid out.

1256
00:59:06,680 --> 00:59:09,160
Speaker 1: He's not the love of your life. He is your obsession.

1257
00:59:09,480 --> 00:59:12,200
Speaker 3: If you truly loved him, you respect his needs and

1258
00:59:12,240 --> 00:59:15,479
Speaker 3: never want him to hurt, but you do, which goes

1259
00:59:15,520 --> 00:59:16,800
Speaker 3: against everything that love is.

1260
00:59:17,160 --> 00:59:19,240
Speaker 1: Let him go and move on, because at this point

1261
00:59:19,320 --> 00:59:20,160
Speaker 1: it's stock it.

1262
00:59:20,160 --> 00:59:22,120
Speaker 3: I feel bad for Heinrich for what I'm about to say,

1263
00:59:22,560 --> 00:59:24,400
Speaker 3: but you should break up with him. He deserves to

1264
00:59:24,400 --> 00:59:26,760
Speaker 3: have someone that's fully committed to him, which you clearly

1265
00:59:26,800 --> 00:59:28,959
Speaker 3: are not. And although he may be patient and willing

1266
00:59:29,000 --> 00:59:30,680
Speaker 3: to wait for you, the longer you string him along,

1267
00:59:30,920 --> 00:59:33,080
Speaker 3: the more damage you are causing. Don't ruin a good

1268
00:59:33,120 --> 00:59:35,640
Speaker 3: man simply because you don't want to be alone. That's

1269
00:59:35,640 --> 00:59:37,560
Speaker 3: not fair to him or the person who will have

1270
00:59:37,600 --> 00:59:39,840
Speaker 3: to clean up the mess when you finally realize you

1271
00:59:39,840 --> 00:59:42,320
Speaker 3: don't want him, get therapy, work on yourself and repair

1272
00:59:42,400 --> 00:59:44,840
Speaker 3: whatever damage has been done to you before trying to

1273
00:59:44,880 --> 00:59:48,520
Speaker 3: find someone else, and let Hans go and find his happiness.

1274
00:59:48,600 --> 00:59:49,880
Speaker 1: That was the end of that story.