WEBVTT - Saving Y'all On Set 0:00:00.160 --> 0:00:03.119 Welcome to Carefully Reckless, the production of Our Heart Radio 0:00:03.240 --> 0:00:16.960 and the Black Effects, And just like that, we're back 0:00:17.000 --> 0:00:19.800 on the air. Welcome back to yet another carefully Reckless episode. 0:00:20.000 --> 0:00:22.480 What's Your Girl? Just hilarious. Listen, y'all. So look, I'm 0:00:22.480 --> 0:00:25.239 on set shooting a movie right now, and this is 0:00:25.239 --> 0:00:27.600 how busy I am, and this is how dedicated I 0:00:27.640 --> 0:00:30.440 am to getting you guys your episode, no matter what, 0:00:30.520 --> 0:00:33.760 no matter the time or place, and between scenes, I'm 0:00:33.840 --> 0:00:36.199 doing this episode. So I'm still helping all with y'all mess. 0:00:36.240 --> 0:00:38.680 We're gonna jump right in and we got some voice notes. 0:00:38.920 --> 0:00:40.920 Y'all know this makes me happy, happy, happy because I 0:00:40.920 --> 0:00:44.599 don't have to read all y'all non punctual asses. All right, 0:00:44.720 --> 0:00:47.959 here we go. Hey, guys. First off, I love you 0:00:48.040 --> 0:00:50.080 and I've been keeping up with you for a long time. 0:00:50.360 --> 0:00:52.640 I can't wait to finally see you on the your shows, girl, 0:00:52.680 --> 0:00:56.920 because I'm always gonna laugh and you keep me cranking up, 0:00:57.000 --> 0:00:59.960 so thank you. So I'll just teach you with the headline, 0:01:00.120 --> 0:01:03.440 which is I need help fixing my mess because I'm 0:01:03.480 --> 0:01:06.760 obsessed with my ex and get ahead to rhyme. But 0:01:07.920 --> 0:01:10.640 this beast year, just like it's been getting out of 0:01:10.680 --> 0:01:14.480 hand and at my big age, which is thirty one, 0:01:14.959 --> 0:01:17.520 newly thirty one, I need to stop. Never in my 0:01:17.560 --> 0:01:19.200 life have I ever hited me and made me feel 0:01:19.200 --> 0:01:22.200 his way. So my question to you is how do 0:01:22.280 --> 0:01:26.120 I move on and let go? Just let go and 0:01:26.160 --> 0:01:29.480 move on. I'm really having my struggles with that, and 0:01:29.520 --> 0:01:32.320 I'm hoping you can help me fix it or just 0:01:32.360 --> 0:01:35.960 give me some advice because your girls just feeling little. 0:01:36.040 --> 0:01:39.000 So honestly, I'll try to make this bank story quick. 0:01:39.120 --> 0:01:42.479 So I met my Mr Big and when I say 0:01:42.600 --> 0:01:46.000 Mr Big, yeah, I'm talking about like how Carrie Brashaw 0:01:46.040 --> 0:01:49.760 having Mr Big and sex in the city. So I 0:01:49.880 --> 0:01:52.360 met how when I was twenty one and he was 0:01:52.400 --> 0:01:55.760 twenty five at the time again this year, and he 0:01:55.840 --> 0:01:58.400 was everything to me. The connection was truly Junior Waine. 0:01:58.720 --> 0:02:01.720 We share common and tradus and we just had a 0:02:01.720 --> 0:02:04.360 lot in comment, even down to the gym. So during 0:02:04.360 --> 0:02:06.240 his time period when I met him, I was going 0:02:06.280 --> 0:02:08.960 through a lot. I was going through a situation no car, 0:02:09.120 --> 0:02:10.760 not have my own place, and I had a two 0:02:10.800 --> 0:02:13.440 year old daughter at the time. My relationship with my 0:02:13.520 --> 0:02:17.200 child's father was terrible and to better explain it, it 0:02:17.280 --> 0:02:20.720 was absolutely frustrating, like trying to comparing with my child's father. 0:02:20.800 --> 0:02:23.400 It was like we couldn't even agree that one plus 0:02:23.400 --> 0:02:25.959 one equals too. So, needless to say, when I met 0:02:26.000 --> 0:02:27.919 my Mr Big, he was a birth of fresh air. 0:02:28.560 --> 0:02:31.400 So two months in, while my Mr Big was being 0:02:31.840 --> 0:02:34.560 the best thing ever and having me on cloud nine, 0:02:35.000 --> 0:02:39.080 no sex involved, he was helping me out and being consistent, 0:02:39.240 --> 0:02:42.120 making me really happy, like he knew how to listen 0:02:42.160 --> 0:02:45.600 to me and have real conversations, intellectual ones and funny ones. 0:02:46.080 --> 0:02:48.400 I felt like I met my best friend, sold me. 0:02:48.560 --> 0:02:52.640 I was mainly in love for him bomb show. He 0:02:52.680 --> 0:02:57.359 admits he's married. Instant heartbreak, so I left. He chased 0:02:57.400 --> 0:03:00.160 me down while I was an emotional rank or a 0:03:00.160 --> 0:03:02.720 period of time. I definitely didn't make it easy for him, 0:03:02.760 --> 0:03:04.920 but my intentions was to leave because I knew it 0:03:04.960 --> 0:03:08.840 was the right thing to do. And finally I gave 0:03:08.880 --> 0:03:12.600 in sex included. Shi got rope when he told his 0:03:12.639 --> 0:03:15.720 wife about me, and that was just a whole another 0:03:15.760 --> 0:03:19.320 fucking chapter, but I'm skipping all that. Maybe not so 0:03:19.720 --> 0:03:22.280 wife came to me as a woman, even admitting that 0:03:22.320 --> 0:03:25.399 she cheated on him thirst and wanted me to fall 0:03:25.440 --> 0:03:28.519 back so they could work it out. Ranted they were, 0:03:28.600 --> 0:03:30.960 in fact that family with two kids involved. I'm not 0:03:31.000 --> 0:03:34.000 into breaking up our families, but I'm like, bitch, you 0:03:34.280 --> 0:03:37.400 clearly wasn't thinking about your family, and I know we 0:03:37.440 --> 0:03:40.800 all make mistakes, but I'm in too deep at this point, 0:03:41.200 --> 0:03:45.280 so I attempted to walk away, Like several times, I'd 0:03:45.320 --> 0:03:47.920 leave and come right back. And it was a back 0:03:47.960 --> 0:03:51.240 and forth, back and forth thing for several years. When 0:03:51.240 --> 0:03:55.760 I finally got the courage to let him go, like literally, 0:03:57.080 --> 0:03:59.960 I'll say like a year later, they finally got divorced, 0:04:00.320 --> 0:04:03.960 an official divorce. I automatically knew he wouldn't need time 0:04:04.040 --> 0:04:07.600 to recover and get adjusted to his new normal, maybe 0:04:07.600 --> 0:04:10.200 even on a couple of bitches. At this point, I 0:04:10.280 --> 0:04:14.160 leveled up a lot, no home card, career and phone number, 0:04:14.480 --> 0:04:17.479 same email, unfortunately, which is how he got in contact 0:04:17.560 --> 0:04:20.440 with me. We fucked and he told me later how 0:04:20.800 --> 0:04:24.040 he has a new situation, but it's rocky. I'm pissed 0:04:24.080 --> 0:04:26.919 by this point because we just sucked in. I felt 0:04:26.960 --> 0:04:29.680 like him telling me after the fact reminded me of 0:04:29.720 --> 0:04:32.120 how he told me how he was married long after 0:04:32.160 --> 0:04:34.359 I fell in love with him, had I known he 0:04:34.480 --> 0:04:36.720 had a girlfriend, I wouldn't even had slept with him. 0:04:36.800 --> 0:04:39.279 Maybe y'all would have had he been up front, But 0:04:39.400 --> 0:04:42.120 let me decide, because now I feel like I'm playing 0:04:42.120 --> 0:04:45.560 side check to your new bitch and I'm living. I'm 0:04:45.640 --> 0:04:49.560 living because I feel like damn Like it's like, man, 0:04:49.600 --> 0:04:51.840 you just see me as being a savage to whoever 0:04:51.880 --> 0:04:54.559 you dealing with, Neil, And I've been in that side 0:04:54.560 --> 0:04:57.960 bitch category for so long with you because I had 0:04:58.040 --> 0:05:01.040 hopes that you would leave your situation us. I know, cliche, 0:05:01.200 --> 0:05:04.680 but it's my truth. And I was very much younger 0:05:04.680 --> 0:05:06.440 at that time, but I was so in love with 0:05:06.480 --> 0:05:10.160 this name that I stayed around and I shouldn't hear 0:05:10.160 --> 0:05:12.800 if I should have just walked away, no matter how 0:05:12.920 --> 0:05:15.760 I fucking felt or whatever. But that was me at 0:05:16.120 --> 0:05:19.720 two being dumb and stupid, and then twenty three being 0:05:19.800 --> 0:05:23.120 dumb and stupid. You know, I'm like, oh, new year, 0:05:23.200 --> 0:05:25.159 do big, Like I'm just trying to be on some 0:05:25.240 --> 0:05:29.160 whole different type of time. However, it's like that's like, 0:05:29.279 --> 0:05:32.000 once he came out of that situation, I honestly thought 0:05:32.040 --> 0:05:33.760 that him and I stood the chance to where we 0:05:33.760 --> 0:05:36.840 can finally come to each other both single, he's not 0:05:36.880 --> 0:05:38.920 with nobody, I know, with nobody, So now we can 0:05:38.960 --> 0:05:42.240 work on us eventually, not so quickly. So I'm not 0:05:42.320 --> 0:05:45.000 trying to sound like I'm blaming this thing entirely on me. 0:05:45.360 --> 0:05:48.479 I do take accountability, you know. Yes, he played his 0:05:48.560 --> 0:05:50.680 part with telling me, you know, things that I chose 0:05:50.720 --> 0:05:54.280 to believe. But aside from that, it's like one time 0:05:54.279 --> 0:05:56.839 and I were fully single. I want us to gradually grow. 0:05:57.440 --> 0:06:00.320 Bottom line, the nigga ends up ghosting me, and we 0:06:00.400 --> 0:06:02.680 spend a whole of time together and I'm thinking it's 0:06:02.680 --> 0:06:06.480 finally us officially bonded and growing towards our future, thinking 0:06:06.560 --> 0:06:09.480 we about to be on this whole new chapter for us, 0:06:09.600 --> 0:06:12.159 and this nigga end up ghosting me. By this point, 0:06:12.240 --> 0:06:14.839 we find us into a pandemic or whole pandemic, and 0:06:14.920 --> 0:06:17.240 it makes me think of it Beyonce and justin timber 0:06:17.320 --> 0:06:20.720 Lakes song The End of Time, and it just had 0:06:20.760 --> 0:06:22.680 me thinking, like, damn if if this is we're going 0:06:22.720 --> 0:06:25.280 in like not because of like as long as we're 0:06:25.320 --> 0:06:29.320 together as a family, I'm happy, you know, And it's 0:06:29.360 --> 0:06:31.719 just so crazy. I don't know what can I say. 0:06:31.760 --> 0:06:33.760 It's like I was shocked because he was never one 0:06:33.839 --> 0:06:35.520 of ghost me, and that ship really sucked me up 0:06:35.520 --> 0:06:37.719 because I was always the one doing a ghost thing, 0:06:37.960 --> 0:06:40.440 you know, or the so called ghost and but it 0:06:40.560 --> 0:06:43.520 was just like damn, like you you know, turns out 0:06:43.760 --> 0:06:47.320 you ghost me because you got her pregnant and you know, 0:06:47.400 --> 0:06:49.039 you didn't have the balls to tell me that you 0:06:49.120 --> 0:06:52.039 had a baby on the way. And it's like then, 0:06:52.200 --> 0:06:54.599 you know, turns out the following year y'all had a 0:06:54.600 --> 0:06:56.600 baby or whatever. And I found out. I find us 0:06:56.600 --> 0:06:59.400 out through a family friend and because again we're not 0:06:59.440 --> 0:07:02.520 on social medid or whatever, and and it's like, you know, 0:07:02.680 --> 0:07:04.320 and I'm not gonna lie. I was happy for him 0:07:04.320 --> 0:07:06.320 and everything, but I cried like a little bit, you know, 0:07:06.480 --> 0:07:08.479 and and I had to get it out of my 0:07:08.480 --> 0:07:09.840 system because it's like, this is the man who I 0:07:09.840 --> 0:07:11.000 wanted to spend the rest of my life way. I 0:07:11.040 --> 0:07:12.600 want to have a child next and all that, and 0:07:12.600 --> 0:07:13.800 it's like, damn, I had to be the one to 0:07:13.840 --> 0:07:15.840 pop a playing b Hold up, hold up, I know 0:07:15.880 --> 0:07:18.040 the ship getting good, but listen to just a couple 0:07:18.040 --> 0:07:20.239 of seconds of a commercial. If you love me, you'll listen. 0:07:21.080 --> 0:07:23.160 Moving on or whatever. He had a beautiful baby boy. 0:07:23.320 --> 0:07:25.120 I'm happy for him, and then it's like he not 0:07:25.160 --> 0:07:28.400 even with the baby mom, no more or whatever, like 0:07:28.760 --> 0:07:31.600 that was a done deal. And it's like wow, you know, 0:07:31.640 --> 0:07:33.000 so I do think like that that could have been 0:07:33.000 --> 0:07:35.880 me in that situation, however, and moving along, it's like boom, 0:07:36.320 --> 0:07:38.600 he asked me on social media, you know, and this 0:07:38.680 --> 0:07:41.080 is like two years later, and if you knew her history, 0:07:41.120 --> 0:07:42.960 you knew we never followed each other on social media 0:07:42.960 --> 0:07:45.720 at all. He follows me on Instagram, so I follow back, 0:07:46.200 --> 0:07:49.080 and it's like, you wanted me to see this ship down. 0:07:49.280 --> 0:07:52.000 You engage, but you're not even with baby man number 0:07:52.040 --> 0:07:54.880 one or two. You gotta hold new bitch, And it's like, okay, cool, 0:07:55.200 --> 0:07:57.280 I'm happy for you, but no, I cried like a 0:07:57.280 --> 0:07:59.680 little bit or whatever. It's like because you see the 0:07:59.680 --> 0:08:02.400 Insta rand stories being posted up and everything. It looks 0:08:02.400 --> 0:08:05.000 all terrific, and it's like I got me thinking, like damn, 0:08:05.040 --> 0:08:06.800 and I know I wouldn't be tripping so hard if 0:08:06.840 --> 0:08:09.800 I had a good situation going on for my own self, 0:08:09.880 --> 0:08:11.520 you know, and I was involved with somebody when I 0:08:11.520 --> 0:08:13.680 was in love, but I'm not. That's not my reality 0:08:13.720 --> 0:08:15.880 for me. Unfortunately, you know, the dating pool is full 0:08:15.920 --> 0:08:19.240 of ship impiss and it's like he's the only man 0:08:19.280 --> 0:08:21.600 that I ever had a real connection with, and it's 0:08:21.640 --> 0:08:23.960 really hard. It's a real hard pull to s follow, 0:08:24.520 --> 0:08:27.640 you know, because it's like, I don't know, I know, 0:08:27.680 --> 0:08:30.600 I sound like a crazy person, but this is just 0:08:31.000 --> 0:08:33.400 the truth, and I'm just like, how the funk do 0:08:33.480 --> 0:08:36.080 I move on? Do I block this motherfucker? I don't 0:08:36.080 --> 0:08:38.160 have the balls do that. I told myself I wouldn't 0:08:38.160 --> 0:08:40.120 go back on his page, So mind you, him being 0:08:40.160 --> 0:08:42.760 engaged currently is more recently, Like this is like I 0:08:42.800 --> 0:08:46.160 found out he was engaged summertime of last year two 0:08:46.600 --> 0:08:49.480 so prior today, I found that about for my family friend, 0:08:49.960 --> 0:08:52.760 another family friend that he was you know and engaged 0:08:52.760 --> 0:08:54.600 and everything. And it's like, yo, I guess I gotta 0:08:54.600 --> 0:08:56.400 tell these family friends don't keep me up with ship 0:08:56.440 --> 0:08:58.679 because it's just it's just too much and I'm not 0:08:58.679 --> 0:09:00.120 taking it as well as I thought I would it. 0:09:00.720 --> 0:09:03.760 And again, like any any information after that, it was 0:09:03.800 --> 0:09:06.000 all learned by me, like because I'm the one over 0:09:06.040 --> 0:09:07.720 here lurking and searching the pages, so it's like I'm 0:09:07.760 --> 0:09:09.439 looking at her page, I'm going at his page. I'm 0:09:09.440 --> 0:09:11.640 finding information even down to the part that gets me 0:09:11.720 --> 0:09:14.240 that how and again I know that will work for her, 0:09:14.240 --> 0:09:16.080 don't work for me, will work for me, didn't work 0:09:16.120 --> 0:09:18.400 for her, But however it's working right now for her. 0:09:18.400 --> 0:09:21.320 Ship might as well to say, because they only would 0:09:21.360 --> 0:09:23.520 know each other for a year and got engaged. And 0:09:23.600 --> 0:09:25.440 that's a slap in the face to me because I'm like, damn, 0:09:25.440 --> 0:09:27.200 and how many fucking years that I waste on you? 0:09:27.280 --> 0:09:29.440 But it is what it is, you know what I mean, like, 0:09:29.880 --> 0:09:32.760 and I'm just trying to I just don't want to 0:09:32.800 --> 0:09:34.679 be like on it, like I'm not this person, I'm 0:09:34.679 --> 0:09:37.240 not this woman who. I don't hate the girl, and 0:09:37.240 --> 0:09:38.840 I want to make that very clear. I do not 0:09:38.960 --> 0:09:41.480 hate her, you know. I notice sound like I'm hating Ship, 0:09:41.520 --> 0:09:44.120 but I don't hate her as a person. If anything, 0:09:44.120 --> 0:09:45.839 I admire her because I'm like, yo, it's a lot 0:09:45.880 --> 0:09:48.640 of her that I see and myself, Like, it's a 0:09:48.640 --> 0:09:50.080 lot of things I've seen me and her got in comment, 0:09:50.080 --> 0:09:51.560 it's a lot of me that I see I heard, 0:09:51.880 --> 0:09:54.160 so I'm like, what the funk? Like, you know even 0:09:54.160 --> 0:09:56.760 then too, our body shaves and just how you know, 0:09:57.000 --> 0:09:58.679 like some of the ship that she'd be posting. Again, 0:09:58.720 --> 0:10:00.600 this is me just being upset and lurk in or 0:10:00.600 --> 0:10:04.360 whatever and and not on something like obsessing all day. 0:10:04.440 --> 0:10:06.320 But this ship takes up a lot of space in 0:10:06.320 --> 0:10:08.920 my fucking mind. And I'm just being real honest, like 0:10:09.320 --> 0:10:12.720 because I sit and reflect like damn like ten years 0:10:13.000 --> 0:10:15.520 and reflecting back on how it was and the fact 0:10:15.520 --> 0:10:18.040 that I haven't met a man yet who makes me 0:10:18.040 --> 0:10:20.280 feel the way that he does. And you know, he 0:10:20.360 --> 0:10:22.320 was a man who really really saw me. He gave 0:10:22.320 --> 0:10:25.320 me my flowers when my baby father was giving me garbage, 0:10:25.400 --> 0:10:27.880 you know, giving me a lot of ship and hating 0:10:27.920 --> 0:10:30.240 on me when I when I elevated, and you know, 0:10:30.320 --> 0:10:32.000 instead of being proud like, oh my baby mind going 0:10:32.080 --> 0:10:34.520 goove with her life and and you know what I mean, 0:10:34.559 --> 0:10:36.000 and me and my baby father in a good space 0:10:36.040 --> 0:10:39.280 now or whatever. But it was just you can only 0:10:39.320 --> 0:10:41.320 imagine how disgusting it was for me to just like 0:10:41.400 --> 0:10:43.600 just deal with all of that, and and how it 0:10:43.679 --> 0:10:47.240 really made my Mr Big look like Mr Big you 0:10:47.280 --> 0:10:49.040 know what I mean, Like he was Mr Big Shot 0:10:49.080 --> 0:10:53.880 in my world. So how do I move the funk on? 0:10:54.280 --> 0:10:56.680 Is just where I'm at, Like I don't want to 0:10:56.679 --> 0:10:59.760 be this person. That's just like, you know, being this 0:11:00.040 --> 0:11:02.319 way or whatever. I don't I'm not trying to cause 0:11:02.320 --> 0:11:04.240 harm to nobody. I'm not like that. I'm not in 0:11:04.280 --> 0:11:06.880 that kind of mental space at all. But I do 0:11:07.000 --> 0:11:09.000 sit back and just think so much. And then on 0:11:09.040 --> 0:11:12.280 top of that, it's even worse than like, Okay, I 0:11:12.320 --> 0:11:14.000 know I'm getting my body goes together, but she get 0:11:14.040 --> 0:11:16.839 her body goes together to not only just that, but 0:11:16.960 --> 0:11:20.920 he also looked so much fucking better. Keeve been mine 0:11:20.960 --> 0:11:23.000 when I met him. You know, we had a lot 0:11:23.000 --> 0:11:24.920 in common with like keeping our weight down, working out 0:11:25.000 --> 0:11:26.480 jim dates, all the kind of stuff stuff that I 0:11:26.520 --> 0:11:28.240 see them do now, and they don't work out these 0:11:28.240 --> 0:11:30.440 together and everything. So I'm okay, I see only work 0:11:30.440 --> 0:11:32.920 at videos, That's what's up. But him, like I've always 0:11:32.920 --> 0:11:35.480 been attracted to this man, Like this man's found the motherfucker. 0:11:35.520 --> 0:11:37.440 I just might have to insert the picture so you 0:11:37.440 --> 0:11:40.439 can see what I'm tripping on. And that's just the 0:11:40.520 --> 0:11:41.920 end of that chest. I'm sorry to be so long 0:11:41.960 --> 0:11:44.680 windy with this whole thing, but how do I move 0:11:44.760 --> 0:11:47.920 the funk on? And just like full big, like what's 0:11:47.960 --> 0:11:50.200 your vikes on? That because I don't know, I'm not 0:11:50.240 --> 0:11:51.840 a crazy person. I got a lot of good things 0:11:51.840 --> 0:11:53.920 going on for myself. I do the day, and I said, 0:11:53.920 --> 0:11:56.439 the dating pool sucks, but and you know, I love 0:11:56.520 --> 0:11:58.440 just being a mom and doing what I gotta do. 0:11:58.520 --> 0:12:02.080 But it's like my know, you know, my operlation clock, 0:12:02.280 --> 0:12:03.959 you know, it was taken away, you know, and it's 0:12:04.000 --> 0:12:06.800 like eventually I'm one another baby in its heart trying 0:12:06.800 --> 0:12:09.360 to pick a motherfucker. Because after going through my first situation, 0:12:09.440 --> 0:12:12.280 my first baby father, they already get PCs day. So 0:12:12.320 --> 0:12:14.319 I told myself I was not having another baby, and 0:12:14.360 --> 0:12:17.920 so I found the one and it's like, man, it's hard, 0:12:18.800 --> 0:12:20.800 Oh my god. Also, just I just would like to 0:12:20.840 --> 0:12:23.760 add that the way that this impacted me, it has 0:12:23.800 --> 0:12:25.880 this pros and its kinds. And so just to mention 0:12:25.920 --> 0:12:27.880 the pro once I found out that he was he 0:12:27.920 --> 0:12:32.520 was engaged. Last year of two, summer two, I actually 0:12:32.520 --> 0:12:34.320 just went hard. It put a battery in my back 0:12:34.360 --> 0:12:36.360 and I went into to a gym because I know 0:12:36.440 --> 0:12:37.800 I picked. I put it on a lot of weight 0:12:37.840 --> 0:12:41.400 since the pandemic, So I d losing thirty pounds before 0:12:41.640 --> 0:12:44.160 the year was out. That was my goal. UM twenty 0:12:44.200 --> 0:12:46.320 five my goal. It just did something to me, So 0:12:46.360 --> 0:12:49.520 that's the that's the pro point, you know. But um, 0:12:49.559 --> 0:12:53.400 I mean and not to use that as my you know, motivation, 0:12:53.480 --> 0:12:56.360 my drive, but it has been, you know, just be honest. 0:12:56.400 --> 0:12:58.320 So I don't know. I'm just trying to get ready 0:12:58.360 --> 0:13:00.480 for a whole new thing because I'll be damned sitting 0:13:00.520 --> 0:13:04.040 up here, you know, watching them and had a beautiful way, 0:13:04.120 --> 0:13:06.520 you know whatever, and I'm over here just all out 0:13:06.520 --> 0:13:08.920 of shape by the way, like at depending on these 0:13:08.920 --> 0:13:13.520 fucking quarantine pans. So um, but yeah, that's all I 0:13:13.559 --> 0:13:15.720 want to share. I just you know, it's it's prosing 0:13:15.760 --> 0:13:18.200 kind toy. But best believe I'm not all crazy like 0:13:18.280 --> 0:13:21.319 sitting outside his man's house or stalking her like I 0:13:21.400 --> 0:13:23.160 don't even know the girl, never met her, you know. 0:13:23.240 --> 0:13:24.800 So like I said, the stalk it is so bad. 0:13:25.080 --> 0:13:27.760 It's wearing like on social media because like I learned 0:13:27.760 --> 0:13:30.520 so much off of their page because um, they post 0:13:30.520 --> 0:13:32.880 so much, they post every thing. But that's what that is. 0:13:32.960 --> 0:13:35.240 So I just want to want to be in a 0:13:35.240 --> 0:13:37.440 hold new space. So that's what I want to Thank you, 0:13:37.640 --> 0:13:40.440 just thank you. If you love me, you'll listen to 0:13:40.480 --> 0:13:44.400 this commercial and then we'll be right back. Okay, So 0:13:44.440 --> 0:13:45.800 I told you all, I'm at work, So now I 0:13:45.880 --> 0:13:48.079 gotta walk to the front go get my goddamn food, 0:13:48.280 --> 0:13:50.120 because that's just how it is on set. I don't 0:13:50.160 --> 0:13:52.559 like the ship that he got here. All right, let 0:13:52.600 --> 0:13:56.360 me get to you, sweetheart. First of all, I want 0:13:56.360 --> 0:13:59.200 to say thank you for being so open and so 0:13:59.280 --> 0:14:05.320 vulnerable with such personal information like it's it's something that 0:14:05.360 --> 0:14:09.440 you that women often feel ashamed of sharing, how vulnerable 0:14:09.480 --> 0:14:12.160 they are and how dumb these men make us feel, 0:14:12.160 --> 0:14:15.280 and how stupid we may feel that they make us look. 0:14:15.840 --> 0:14:18.240 And we ain't stupid. We know that we're not, but 0:14:18.679 --> 0:14:24.440 it's easy to make us feel that fucking way. Hello, 0:14:25.720 --> 0:14:30.840 thank you so much, baby girl. All Right, there we go. 0:14:33.640 --> 0:14:38.280 I'm about to finish talking. I just had you. Gotta 0:14:38.320 --> 0:14:41.000 fucking work at work. I'm doing my fucking podcast, wild 0:14:41.000 --> 0:14:50.160 iman fucking podcast. Say okay, lord, I got cramps, Lord, Lord, Lord, 0:14:50.600 --> 0:14:52.960 and you'll get my food at the front. I got cramps, y'all. 0:14:53.240 --> 0:14:57.040 This is a lot, but it's very very real. All 0:14:57.160 --> 0:15:02.400 right here we go. Sorry about that. Okay, So what 0:15:02.480 --> 0:15:05.920 I want to say to you, I'm gonna tell you 0:15:06.000 --> 0:15:08.680 immediately what I feel like your problem is No, I 0:15:08.720 --> 0:15:10.440 don't think that you're a hater, but I think that 0:15:10.600 --> 0:15:15.600 you're so busy being envious of the time that these 0:15:15.640 --> 0:15:21.520 women have with him versus you focusing on yourself, you 0:15:21.760 --> 0:15:25.080 leveling up, knowing what you're worth, and realizing that you're 0:15:25.120 --> 0:15:28.800 never gonna be first to him because you look up. 0:15:28.800 --> 0:15:31.640 Ten years is gone and you've been playing seconds since 0:15:31.680 --> 0:15:35.280 you met him. You understand, when you learned that he 0:15:35.400 --> 0:15:39.560 had a wife, you were upset, you were disgusted. The 0:15:39.640 --> 0:15:43.560 anguish took over, but you still never let him go. 0:15:44.240 --> 0:15:47.640 You still never set a boundary and said, oh no, 0:15:47.760 --> 0:15:50.560 I can't funk what you you married boom. In fact, 0:15:50.720 --> 0:15:54.000 you saw comfort and being with him because his wife 0:15:54.240 --> 0:15:56.800 had admitted to you like she cheated on him, So 0:15:56.920 --> 0:16:00.160 you felt like it was okay. So you made a 0:16:00.240 --> 0:16:04.560 mental contract in your mind and you you stayed bind 0:16:04.640 --> 0:16:06.600 it to it. Whether you really want to admit it 0:16:06.680 --> 0:16:09.120 or not. You put yourself in the situation, you kept 0:16:09.120 --> 0:16:12.520 yourself there. It's like you negotiated the terms yourself. Okay. 0:16:12.520 --> 0:16:15.640 So since his wife cheated on him, shan't running about 0:16:15.680 --> 0:16:18.360 a happy life paying a happy wife with her husband. 0:16:18.760 --> 0:16:21.120 So now that allows him to be able to cheat 0:16:21.160 --> 0:16:24.280 with me with no regard for her feelings because she 0:16:24.360 --> 0:16:27.320 cheated first. When in fact, you want to one day 0:16:27.320 --> 0:16:29.600 become a wife. You would give anything to be in 0:16:29.600 --> 0:16:32.520 her position, because she's the wife, right, that's what you wanted. 0:16:32.520 --> 0:16:34.000 You wanted to be a wife, You wanted to be 0:16:34.080 --> 0:16:36.040 a family. You want to have him as your husband. 0:16:36.200 --> 0:16:38.600 Nobody has ever made you feel the way he made 0:16:38.600 --> 0:16:41.640 you feel. You, God, damn right, nobody has ever made 0:16:41.680 --> 0:16:44.760 you feel second. Nobody has ever done that. Oh, your 0:16:44.800 --> 0:16:47.480 baby daddy did, and this man makes you feel the 0:16:47.520 --> 0:16:50.120 same way. You know. I'm laying on you think because 0:16:50.560 --> 0:16:53.400 you I'm telling you, I'm regurgitating back what you told 0:16:53.400 --> 0:16:56.520 me about yourself. And it takes for someone to hear 0:16:56.560 --> 0:16:59.480 it from somebody else's mouth, something about them. Um, you 0:16:59.480 --> 0:17:01.600 can tell me story all day. You don't hear it 0:17:01.800 --> 0:17:04.760 until you hear it back. You really ain't listening until 0:17:04.800 --> 0:17:07.520 you hear it somebody else tell you your ship back 0:17:07.560 --> 0:17:10.440 to you. I want you to think about that. Think 0:17:10.440 --> 0:17:12.680 about that. You're never gonna be number one to him. 0:17:12.920 --> 0:17:15.280 You never was. Not saying it didn't love you, not 0:17:15.320 --> 0:17:17.360 saying it didn't feel anything for you, but he's obviously 0:17:17.400 --> 0:17:20.240 a womanizer. Ain't what the first baby mother? Ain't what 0:17:20.280 --> 0:17:22.320 the second baby mother? And he wouldn't be with you, 0:17:22.359 --> 0:17:25.680 and you kept saying you wanting to be in their 0:17:25.720 --> 0:17:29.120 places for that time being that he had with them. 0:17:29.440 --> 0:17:31.560 Why you in your place? You was just as free 0:17:31.560 --> 0:17:33.480 as the bird and didn't even know it because you 0:17:33.520 --> 0:17:36.320 was holding your own self captive to him. He wasn't 0:17:36.320 --> 0:17:39.160 even holping you captive. He just figured that you would 0:17:39.160 --> 0:17:42.560 be there every time he called, and you were. So 0:17:42.640 --> 0:17:44.439 that's how you move on. You look up and you 0:17:44.480 --> 0:17:46.920 realize how fucking free you are, and that you're not 0:17:47.600 --> 0:17:51.000 even that wife. Stop lurking, Stop stop looking at that 0:17:51.040 --> 0:17:53.960 ship for what. I don't care what what that life 0:17:54.000 --> 0:17:57.239 may look like on Instagram or or whatever. You know. 0:17:57.359 --> 0:18:00.000 God damn well, behind closed doors, that man is still 0:18:00.040 --> 0:18:03.159 cheating on her because it's a couple of yous that 0:18:03.240 --> 0:18:05.800 he's had. Apparently he loves younger women that he can 0:18:05.840 --> 0:18:08.560 pull the wall over their eyes and ship. He getting older, Hell, 0:18:08.800 --> 0:18:11.480 he's getting older. He ain't getting no younger. Yeah, the 0:18:11.560 --> 0:18:14.240 dating pool is full of ship and piss, and these 0:18:14.320 --> 0:18:16.479 niggas love to swim in it. So that's what he's 0:18:16.480 --> 0:18:19.040 gonna keep on doing what a wife. He just sucked 0:18:19.040 --> 0:18:22.120 you last year and he was engaged. He ain't ready 0:18:22.160 --> 0:18:25.360 to get married. It looks good these days. People get 0:18:25.440 --> 0:18:28.159 married for the wrong reasons anyway, just to have those 0:18:28.280 --> 0:18:31.000 great pictures to capture and share with the world full 0:18:31.000 --> 0:18:33.400 of motherfuckers who don't know or give a funk about them. 0:18:33.680 --> 0:18:36.919 You better get yourself together because you sound very intelligent 0:18:37.000 --> 0:18:39.160 and two goddamn good. There a lot of another ten 0:18:39.240 --> 0:18:43.520 years go past chasing the motherfucker who ain't gonna chase you, Okay, 0:18:43.800 --> 0:18:46.080 running up behind this man girl, and he only four 0:18:46.160 --> 0:18:49.280 years older. Years, he ain't getting no motherfucking younger. He 0:18:49.359 --> 0:18:50.960 looked good, bit you look good. You know how many 0:18:50.960 --> 0:18:53.879 other niggas out here looked good that don't belong to 0:18:53.920 --> 0:18:57.199 nobody that's waiting for a woman like you because you 0:18:57.200 --> 0:19:00.240 don't belong to nobody either. You don't belong to him 0:19:00.280 --> 0:19:02.760 because he's never claimed you and you know, took up 0:19:02.800 --> 0:19:04.800 all his damn episode. Girl, you better check back in 0:19:04.920 --> 0:19:06.680 with me. That brings me to the end of this 0:19:07.000 --> 0:19:10.080