Speaker 1: Welcome to Carefully Reckless, the production of Our Heart Radio
Speaker 1: and the Black Effects, And just like that, we're back
Speaker 1: on the air. Welcome back to yet another carefully Reckless episode.
Speaker 1: What's Your Girl? Just hilarious. Listen, y'all. So look, I'm
Speaker 1: on set shooting a movie right now, and this is
Speaker 1: how busy I am, and this is how dedicated I
Speaker 1: am to getting you guys your episode, no matter what,
Speaker 1: no matter the time or place, and between scenes, I'm
Speaker 1: doing this episode. So I'm still helping all with y'all mess.
Speaker 1: We're gonna jump right in and we got some voice notes.
Speaker 1: Y'all know this makes me happy, happy, happy because I
Speaker 1: don't have to read all y'all non punctual asses. All right,
Speaker 1: here we go. Hey, guys. First off, I love you
Speaker 1: and I've been keeping up with you for a long time.
Speaker 1: I can't wait to finally see you on the your shows, girl,
Speaker 1: because I'm always gonna laugh and you keep me cranking up,
Speaker 1: so thank you. So I'll just teach you with the headline,
Speaker 1: which is I need help fixing my mess because I'm
Speaker 1: obsessed with my ex and get ahead to rhyme. But
Speaker 1: this beast year, just like it's been getting out of
Speaker 1: hand and at my big age, which is thirty one,
Speaker 1: newly thirty one, I need to stop. Never in my
Speaker 1: life have I ever hited me and made me feel
Speaker 1: his way. So my question to you is how do
Speaker 1: I move on and let go? Just let go and
Speaker 1: move on. I'm really having my struggles with that, and
Speaker 1: I'm hoping you can help me fix it or just
Speaker 1: give me some advice because your girls just feeling little.
Speaker 1: So honestly, I'll try to make this bank story quick.
Speaker 1: So I met my Mr Big and when I say
Speaker 1: Mr Big, yeah, I'm talking about like how Carrie Brashaw
Speaker 1: having Mr Big and sex in the city. So I
Speaker 1: met how when I was twenty one and he was
Speaker 1: twenty five at the time again this year, and he
Speaker 1: was everything to me. The connection was truly Junior Waine.
Speaker 1: We share common and tradus and we just had a
Speaker 1: lot in comment, even down to the gym. So during
Speaker 1: his time period when I met him, I was going
Speaker 1: through a lot. I was going through a situation no car,
Speaker 1: not have my own place, and I had a two
Speaker 1: year old daughter at the time. My relationship with my
Speaker 1: child's father was terrible and to better explain it, it
Speaker 1: was absolutely frustrating, like trying to comparing with my child's father.
Speaker 1: It was like we couldn't even agree that one plus
Speaker 1: one equals too. So, needless to say, when I met
Speaker 1: my Mr Big, he was a birth of fresh air.
Speaker 1: So two months in, while my Mr Big was being
Speaker 1: the best thing ever and having me on cloud nine,
Speaker 1: no sex involved, he was helping me out and being consistent,
Speaker 1: making me really happy, like he knew how to listen
Speaker 1: to me and have real conversations, intellectual ones and funny ones.
Speaker 1: I felt like I met my best friend, sold me.
Speaker 1: I was mainly in love for him bomb show. He
Speaker 1: admits he's married. Instant heartbreak, so I left. He chased
Speaker 1: me down while I was an emotional rank or a
Speaker 1: period of time. I definitely didn't make it easy for him,
Speaker 1: but my intentions was to leave because I knew it
Speaker 1: was the right thing to do. And finally I gave
Speaker 1: in sex included. Shi got rope when he told his
Speaker 1: wife about me, and that was just a whole another
Speaker 1: fucking chapter, but I'm skipping all that. Maybe not so
Speaker 1: wife came to me as a woman, even admitting that
Speaker 1: she cheated on him thirst and wanted me to fall
Speaker 1: back so they could work it out. Ranted they were,
Speaker 1: in fact that family with two kids involved. I'm not
Speaker 1: into breaking up our families, but I'm like, bitch, you
Speaker 1: clearly wasn't thinking about your family, and I know we
Speaker 1: all make mistakes, but I'm in too deep at this point,
Speaker 1: so I attempted to walk away, Like several times, I'd
Speaker 1: leave and come right back. And it was a back
Speaker 1: and forth, back and forth thing for several years. When
Speaker 1: I finally got the courage to let him go, like literally,
Speaker 1: I'll say like a year later, they finally got divorced,
Speaker 1: an official divorce. I automatically knew he wouldn't need time
Speaker 1: to recover and get adjusted to his new normal, maybe
Speaker 1: even on a couple of bitches. At this point, I
Speaker 1: leveled up a lot, no home card, career and phone number,
Speaker 1: same email, unfortunately, which is how he got in contact
Speaker 1: with me. We fucked and he told me later how
Speaker 1: he has a new situation, but it's rocky. I'm pissed
Speaker 1: by this point because we just sucked in. I felt
Speaker 1: like him telling me after the fact reminded me of
Speaker 1: how he told me how he was married long after
Speaker 1: I fell in love with him, had I known he
Speaker 1: had a girlfriend, I wouldn't even had slept with him.
Speaker 1: Maybe y'all would have had he been up front, But
Speaker 1: let me decide, because now I feel like I'm playing
Speaker 1: side check to your new bitch and I'm living. I'm
Speaker 1: living because I feel like damn Like it's like, man,
Speaker 1: you just see me as being a savage to whoever
Speaker 1: you dealing with, Neil, And I've been in that side
Speaker 1: bitch category for so long with you because I had
Speaker 1: hopes that you would leave your situation us. I know, cliche,
Speaker 1: but it's my truth. And I was very much younger
Speaker 1: at that time, but I was so in love with
Speaker 1: this name that I stayed around and I shouldn't hear
Speaker 1: if I should have just walked away, no matter how
Speaker 1: I fucking felt or whatever. But that was me at
Speaker 1: two being dumb and stupid, and then twenty three being
Speaker 1: dumb and stupid. You know, I'm like, oh, new year,
Speaker 1: do big, Like I'm just trying to be on some
Speaker 1: whole different type of time. However, it's like that's like,
Speaker 1: once he came out of that situation, I honestly thought
Speaker 1: that him and I stood the chance to where we
Speaker 1: can finally come to each other both single, he's not
Speaker 1: with nobody, I know, with nobody, So now we can
Speaker 1: work on us eventually, not so quickly. So I'm not
Speaker 1: trying to sound like I'm blaming this thing entirely on me.
Speaker 1: I do take accountability, you know. Yes, he played his
Speaker 1: part with telling me, you know, things that I chose
Speaker 1: to believe. But aside from that, it's like one time
Speaker 1: and I were fully single. I want us to gradually grow.
Speaker 1: Bottom line, the nigga ends up ghosting me, and we
Speaker 1: spend a whole of time together and I'm thinking it's
Speaker 1: finally us officially bonded and growing towards our future, thinking
Speaker 1: we about to be on this whole new chapter for us,
Speaker 1: and this nigga end up ghosting me. By this point,
Speaker 1: we find us into a pandemic or whole pandemic, and
Speaker 1: it makes me think of it Beyonce and justin timber
Speaker 1: Lakes song The End of Time, and it just had
Speaker 1: me thinking, like, damn if if this is we're going
Speaker 1: in like not because of like as long as we're
Speaker 1: together as a family, I'm happy, you know, And it's
Speaker 1: just so crazy. I don't know what can I say.
Speaker 1: It's like I was shocked because he was never one
Speaker 1: of ghost me, and that ship really sucked me up
Speaker 1: because I was always the one doing a ghost thing,
Speaker 1: you know, or the so called ghost and but it
Speaker 1: was just like damn, like you you know, turns out
Speaker 1: you ghost me because you got her pregnant and you know,
Speaker 1: you didn't have the balls to tell me that you
Speaker 1: had a baby on the way. And it's like then,
Speaker 1: you know, turns out the following year y'all had a
Speaker 1: baby or whatever. And I found out. I find us
Speaker 1: out through a family friend and because again we're not
Speaker 1: on social medid or whatever, and and it's like, you know,
Speaker 1: and I'm not gonna lie. I was happy for him
Speaker 1: and everything, but I cried like a little bit, you know,
Speaker 1: and and I had to get it out of my
Speaker 1: system because it's like, this is the man who I
Speaker 1: wanted to spend the rest of my life way. I
Speaker 1: want to have a child next and all that, and
Speaker 1: it's like, damn, I had to be the one to
Speaker 1: pop a playing b Hold up, hold up, I know
Speaker 1: the ship getting good, but listen to just a couple
Speaker 1: of seconds of a commercial. If you love me, you'll listen.
Speaker 1: Moving on or whatever. He had a beautiful baby boy.
Speaker 1: I'm happy for him, and then it's like he not
Speaker 1: even with the baby mom, no more or whatever, like
Speaker 1: that was a done deal. And it's like wow, you know,
Speaker 1: so I do think like that that could have been
Speaker 1: me in that situation, however, and moving along, it's like boom,
Speaker 1: he asked me on social media, you know, and this
Speaker 1: is like two years later, and if you knew her history,
Speaker 1: you knew we never followed each other on social media
Speaker 1: at all. He follows me on Instagram, so I follow back,
Speaker 1: and it's like, you wanted me to see this ship down.
Speaker 1: You engage, but you're not even with baby man number
Speaker 1: one or two. You gotta hold new bitch, And it's like, okay, cool,
Speaker 1: I'm happy for you, but no, I cried like a
Speaker 1: little bit or whatever. It's like because you see the
Speaker 1: Insta rand stories being posted up and everything. It looks
Speaker 1: all terrific, and it's like I got me thinking, like damn,
Speaker 1: and I know I wouldn't be tripping so hard if
Speaker 1: I had a good situation going on for my own self,
Speaker 1: you know, and I was involved with somebody when I
Speaker 1: was in love, but I'm not. That's not my reality
Speaker 1: for me. Unfortunately, you know, the dating pool is full
Speaker 1: of ship impiss and it's like he's the only man
Speaker 1: that I ever had a real connection with, and it's
Speaker 1: really hard. It's a real hard pull to s follow,
Speaker 1: you know, because it's like, I don't know, I know,
Speaker 1: I sound like a crazy person, but this is just
Speaker 1: the truth, and I'm just like, how the funk do
Speaker 1: I move on? Do I block this motherfucker? I don't
Speaker 1: have the balls do that. I told myself I wouldn't
Speaker 1: go back on his page, So mind you, him being
Speaker 1: engaged currently is more recently, Like this is like I
Speaker 1: found out he was engaged summertime of last year two
Speaker 1: so prior today, I found that about for my family friend,
Speaker 1: another family friend that he was you know and engaged
Speaker 1: and everything. And it's like, yo, I guess I gotta
Speaker 1: tell these family friends don't keep me up with ship
Speaker 1: because it's just it's just too much and I'm not
Speaker 1: taking it as well as I thought I would it.
Speaker 1: And again, like any any information after that, it was
Speaker 1: all learned by me, like because I'm the one over
Speaker 1: here lurking and searching the pages, so it's like I'm
Speaker 1: looking at her page, I'm going at his page. I'm
Speaker 1: finding information even down to the part that gets me
Speaker 1: that how and again I know that will work for her,
Speaker 1: don't work for me, will work for me, didn't work
Speaker 1: for her, But however it's working right now for her.
Speaker 1: Ship might as well to say, because they only would
Speaker 1: know each other for a year and got engaged. And
Speaker 1: that's a slap in the face to me because I'm like, damn,
Speaker 1: and how many fucking years that I waste on you?
Speaker 1: But it is what it is, you know what I mean, like,
Speaker 1: and I'm just trying to I just don't want to
Speaker 1: be like on it, like I'm not this person, I'm
Speaker 1: not this woman who. I don't hate the girl, and
Speaker 1: I want to make that very clear. I do not
Speaker 1: hate her, you know. I notice sound like I'm hating Ship,
Speaker 1: but I don't hate her as a person. If anything,
Speaker 1: I admire her because I'm like, yo, it's a lot
Speaker 1: of her that I see and myself, Like, it's a
Speaker 1: lot of things I've seen me and her got in comment,
Speaker 1: it's a lot of me that I see I heard,
Speaker 1: so I'm like, what the funk? Like, you know even
Speaker 1: then too, our body shaves and just how you know,
Speaker 1: like some of the ship that she'd be posting. Again,
Speaker 1: this is me just being upset and lurk in or
Speaker 1: whatever and and not on something like obsessing all day.
Speaker 1: But this ship takes up a lot of space in
Speaker 1: my fucking mind. And I'm just being real honest, like
Speaker 1: because I sit and reflect like damn like ten years
Speaker 1: and reflecting back on how it was and the fact
Speaker 1: that I haven't met a man yet who makes me
Speaker 1: feel the way that he does. And you know, he
Speaker 1: was a man who really really saw me. He gave
Speaker 1: me my flowers when my baby father was giving me garbage,
Speaker 1: you know, giving me a lot of ship and hating
Speaker 1: on me when I when I elevated, and you know,
Speaker 1: instead of being proud like, oh my baby mind going
Speaker 1: goove with her life and and you know what I mean,
Speaker 1: and me and my baby father in a good space
Speaker 1: now or whatever. But it was just you can only
Speaker 1: imagine how disgusting it was for me to just like
Speaker 1: just deal with all of that, and and how it
Speaker 1: really made my Mr Big look like Mr Big you
Speaker 1: know what I mean, Like he was Mr Big Shot
Speaker 1: in my world. So how do I move the funk on?
Speaker 1: Is just where I'm at, Like I don't want to
Speaker 1: be this person. That's just like, you know, being this
Speaker 1: way or whatever. I don't I'm not trying to cause
Speaker 1: harm to nobody. I'm not like that. I'm not in
Speaker 1: that kind of mental space at all. But I do
Speaker 1: sit back and just think so much. And then on
Speaker 1: top of that, it's even worse than like, Okay, I
Speaker 1: know I'm getting my body goes together, but she get
Speaker 1: her body goes together to not only just that, but
Speaker 1: he also looked so much fucking better. Keeve been mine
Speaker 1: when I met him. You know, we had a lot
Speaker 1: in common with like keeping our weight down, working out
Speaker 1: jim dates, all the kind of stuff stuff that I
Speaker 1: see them do now, and they don't work out these
Speaker 1: together and everything. So I'm okay, I see only work
Speaker 1: at videos, That's what's up. But him, like I've always
Speaker 1: been attracted to this man, Like this man's found the motherfucker.
Speaker 1: I just might have to insert the picture so you
Speaker 1: can see what I'm tripping on. And that's just the
Speaker 1: end of that chest. I'm sorry to be so long
Speaker 1: windy with this whole thing, but how do I move
Speaker 1: the funk on? And just like full big, like what's
Speaker 1: your vikes on? That because I don't know, I'm not
Speaker 1: a crazy person. I got a lot of good things
Speaker 1: going on for myself. I do the day, and I said,
Speaker 1: the dating pool sucks, but and you know, I love
Speaker 1: just being a mom and doing what I gotta do.
Speaker 1: But it's like my know, you know, my operlation clock,
Speaker 1: you know, it was taken away, you know, and it's
Speaker 1: like eventually I'm one another baby in its heart trying
Speaker 1: to pick a motherfucker. Because after going through my first situation,
Speaker 1: my first baby father, they already get PCs day. So
Speaker 1: I told myself I was not having another baby, and
Speaker 1: so I found the one and it's like, man, it's hard,
Speaker 1: Oh my god. Also, just I just would like to
Speaker 1: add that the way that this impacted me, it has
Speaker 1: this pros and its kinds. And so just to mention
Speaker 1: the pro once I found out that he was he
Speaker 1: was engaged. Last year of two, summer two, I actually
Speaker 1: just went hard. It put a battery in my back
Speaker 1: and I went into to a gym because I know
Speaker 1: I picked. I put it on a lot of weight
Speaker 1: since the pandemic, So I d losing thirty pounds before
Speaker 1: the year was out. That was my goal. UM twenty
Speaker 1: five my goal. It just did something to me, So
Speaker 1: that's the that's the pro point, you know. But um,
Speaker 1: I mean and not to use that as my you know, motivation,
Speaker 1: my drive, but it has been, you know, just be honest.
Speaker 1: So I don't know. I'm just trying to get ready
Speaker 1: for a whole new thing because I'll be damned sitting
Speaker 1: up here, you know, watching them and had a beautiful way,
Speaker 1: you know whatever, and I'm over here just all out
Speaker 1: of shape by the way, like at depending on these
Speaker 1: fucking quarantine pans. So um, but yeah, that's all I
Speaker 1: want to share. I just you know, it's it's prosing
Speaker 1: kind toy. But best believe I'm not all crazy like
Speaker 1: sitting outside his man's house or stalking her like I
Speaker 1: don't even know the girl, never met her, you know.
Speaker 1: So like I said, the stalk it is so bad.
Speaker 1: It's wearing like on social media because like I learned
Speaker 1: so much off of their page because um, they post
Speaker 1: so much, they post every thing. But that's what that is.
Speaker 1: So I just want to want to be in a
Speaker 1: hold new space. So that's what I want to Thank you,
Speaker 1: just thank you. If you love me, you'll listen to
Speaker 1: this commercial and then we'll be right back. Okay, So
Speaker 1: I told you all, I'm at work, So now I
Speaker 1: gotta walk to the front go get my goddamn food,
Speaker 1: because that's just how it is on set. I don't
Speaker 1: like the ship that he got here. All right, let
Speaker 1: me get to you, sweetheart. First of all, I want
Speaker 1: to say thank you for being so open and so
Speaker 1: vulnerable with such personal information like it's it's something that
Speaker 1: you that women often feel ashamed of sharing, how vulnerable
Speaker 1: they are and how dumb these men make us feel,
Speaker 1: and how stupid we may feel that they make us look.
Speaker 1: And we ain't stupid. We know that we're not, but
Speaker 1: it's easy to make us feel that fucking way. Hello,
Speaker 1: thank you so much, baby girl. All Right, there we go.
Speaker 1: I'm about to finish talking. I just had you. Gotta
Speaker 1: fucking work at work. I'm doing my fucking podcast, wild
Speaker 1: iman fucking podcast. Say okay, lord, I got cramps, Lord, Lord, Lord,
Speaker 1: and you'll get my food at the front. I got cramps, y'all.
Speaker 1: This is a lot, but it's very very real. All
Speaker 1: right here we go. Sorry about that. Okay, So what
Speaker 1: I want to say to you, I'm gonna tell you
Speaker 1: immediately what I feel like your problem is No, I
Speaker 1: don't think that you're a hater, but I think that
Speaker 1: you're so busy being envious of the time that these
Speaker 1: women have with him versus you focusing on yourself, you
Speaker 1: leveling up, knowing what you're worth, and realizing that you're
Speaker 1: never gonna be first to him because you look up.
Speaker 1: Ten years is gone and you've been playing seconds since
Speaker 1: you met him. You understand, when you learned that he
Speaker 1: had a wife, you were upset, you were disgusted. The
Speaker 1: anguish took over, but you still never let him go.
Speaker 1: You still never set a boundary and said, oh no,
Speaker 1: I can't funk what you you married boom. In fact,
Speaker 1: you saw comfort and being with him because his wife
Speaker 1: had admitted to you like she cheated on him, So
Speaker 1: you felt like it was okay. So you made a
Speaker 1: mental contract in your mind and you you stayed bind
Speaker 1: it to it. Whether you really want to admit it
Speaker 1: or not. You put yourself in the situation, you kept
Speaker 1: yourself there. It's like you negotiated the terms yourself. Okay.
Speaker 1: So since his wife cheated on him, shan't running about
Speaker 1: a happy life paying a happy wife with her husband.
Speaker 1: So now that allows him to be able to cheat
Speaker 1: with me with no regard for her feelings because she
Speaker 1: cheated first. When in fact, you want to one day
Speaker 1: become a wife. You would give anything to be in
Speaker 1: her position, because she's the wife, right, that's what you wanted.
Speaker 1: You wanted to be a wife, You wanted to be
Speaker 1: a family. You want to have him as your husband.
Speaker 1: Nobody has ever made you feel the way he made
Speaker 1: you feel. You, God, damn right, nobody has ever made
Speaker 1: you feel second. Nobody has ever done that. Oh, your
Speaker 1: baby daddy did, and this man makes you feel the
Speaker 1: same way. You know. I'm laying on you think because
Speaker 1: you I'm telling you, I'm regurgitating back what you told
Speaker 1: me about yourself. And it takes for someone to hear
Speaker 1: it from somebody else's mouth, something about them. Um, you
Speaker 1: can tell me story all day. You don't hear it
Speaker 1: until you hear it back. You really ain't listening until
Speaker 1: you hear it somebody else tell you your ship back
Speaker 1: to you. I want you to think about that. Think
Speaker 1: about that. You're never gonna be number one to him.
Speaker 1: You never was. Not saying it didn't love you, not
Speaker 1: saying it didn't feel anything for you, but he's obviously
Speaker 1: a womanizer. Ain't what the first baby mother? Ain't what
Speaker 1: the second baby mother? And he wouldn't be with you,
Speaker 1: and you kept saying you wanting to be in their
Speaker 1: places for that time being that he had with them.
Speaker 1: Why you in your place? You was just as free
Speaker 1: as the bird and didn't even know it because you
Speaker 1: was holding your own self captive to him. He wasn't
Speaker 1: even holping you captive. He just figured that you would
Speaker 1: be there every time he called, and you were. So
Speaker 1: that's how you move on. You look up and you
Speaker 1: realize how fucking free you are, and that you're not
Speaker 1: even that wife. Stop lurking, Stop stop looking at that
Speaker 1: ship for what. I don't care what what that life
Speaker 1: may look like on Instagram or or whatever. You know.
Speaker 1: God damn well, behind closed doors, that man is still
Speaker 1: cheating on her because it's a couple of yous that
Speaker 1: he's had. Apparently he loves younger women that he can
Speaker 1: pull the wall over their eyes and ship. He getting older, Hell,
Speaker 1: he's getting older. He ain't getting no younger. Yeah, the
Speaker 1: dating pool is full of ship and piss, and these
Speaker 1: niggas love to swim in it. So that's what he's
Speaker 1: gonna keep on doing what a wife. He just sucked
Speaker 1: you last year and he was engaged. He ain't ready
Speaker 1: to get married. It looks good these days. People get
Speaker 1: married for the wrong reasons anyway, just to have those
Speaker 1: great pictures to capture and share with the world full
Speaker 1: of motherfuckers who don't know or give a funk about them.
Speaker 1: You better get yourself together because you sound very intelligent
Speaker 1: and two goddamn good. There a lot of another ten
Speaker 1: years go past chasing the motherfucker who ain't gonna chase you, Okay,
Speaker 1: running up behind this man girl, and he only four
Speaker 1: years older. Years, he ain't getting no motherfucking younger. He
Speaker 1: looked good, bit you look good. You know how many
Speaker 1: other niggas out here looked good that don't belong to
Speaker 1: nobody that's waiting for a woman like you because you
Speaker 1: don't belong to nobody either. You don't belong to him
Speaker 1: because he's never claimed you and you know, took up
Speaker 1: all his damn episode. Girl, you better check back in
Speaker 1: with me. That brings me to the end of this
Speaker 1: just fixed my mess episode for carefully reckless. Y'all tune
Speaker 1: in each and every Wednesday when you're way to work,
Speaker 1: when you wait to take them babies in school, on
Speaker 1: your way to the gym, whether you gotta wake up,
Speaker 1: listen to go back to sleep, sparking your morning blunt.
Speaker 1: It don't matter. Tune in and tune It's a co
Speaker 1: parents and therapy with Just and Rome This Wednesday, every
Speaker 1: other Wednesday night at seven pm and in my deepest
Speaker 1: pam Boys, I love y'all. Peace Carefully Reckless is a
Speaker 1: production of I Heart Radio and The Black Effect. For
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