1 00:00:00,160 --> 00:00:03,119 Speaker 1: Welcome to Carefully Reckless, the production of Our Heart Radio 2 00:00:03,240 --> 00:00:16,960 Speaker 1: and the Black Effects, And just like that, we're back 3 00:00:17,000 --> 00:00:19,800 Speaker 1: on the air. Welcome back to yet another carefully Reckless episode. 4 00:00:20,000 --> 00:00:22,480 Speaker 1: What's Your Girl? Just hilarious. Listen, y'all. So look, I'm 5 00:00:22,480 --> 00:00:25,239 Speaker 1: on set shooting a movie right now, and this is 6 00:00:25,239 --> 00:00:27,600 Speaker 1: how busy I am, and this is how dedicated I 7 00:00:27,640 --> 00:00:30,440 Speaker 1: am to getting you guys your episode, no matter what, 8 00:00:30,520 --> 00:00:33,760 Speaker 1: no matter the time or place, and between scenes, I'm 9 00:00:33,840 --> 00:00:36,199 Speaker 1: doing this episode. So I'm still helping all with y'all mess. 10 00:00:36,240 --> 00:00:38,680 Speaker 1: We're gonna jump right in and we got some voice notes. 11 00:00:38,920 --> 00:00:40,920 Speaker 1: Y'all know this makes me happy, happy, happy because I 12 00:00:40,920 --> 00:00:44,599 Speaker 1: don't have to read all y'all non punctual asses. All right, 13 00:00:44,720 --> 00:00:47,959 Speaker 1: here we go. Hey, guys. First off, I love you 14 00:00:48,040 --> 00:00:50,080 Speaker 1: and I've been keeping up with you for a long time. 15 00:00:50,360 --> 00:00:52,640 Speaker 1: I can't wait to finally see you on the your shows, girl, 16 00:00:52,680 --> 00:00:56,920 Speaker 1: because I'm always gonna laugh and you keep me cranking up, 17 00:00:57,000 --> 00:00:59,960 Speaker 1: so thank you. So I'll just teach you with the headline, 18 00:01:00,120 --> 00:01:03,440 Speaker 1: which is I need help fixing my mess because I'm 19 00:01:03,480 --> 00:01:06,760 Speaker 1: obsessed with my ex and get ahead to rhyme. But 20 00:01:07,920 --> 00:01:10,640 Speaker 1: this beast year, just like it's been getting out of 21 00:01:10,680 --> 00:01:14,480 Speaker 1: hand and at my big age, which is thirty one, 22 00:01:14,959 --> 00:01:17,520 Speaker 1: newly thirty one, I need to stop. Never in my 23 00:01:17,560 --> 00:01:19,200 Speaker 1: life have I ever hited me and made me feel 24 00:01:19,200 --> 00:01:22,200 Speaker 1: his way. So my question to you is how do 25 00:01:22,280 --> 00:01:26,120 Speaker 1: I move on and let go? Just let go and 26 00:01:26,160 --> 00:01:29,480 Speaker 1: move on. I'm really having my struggles with that, and 27 00:01:29,520 --> 00:01:32,320 Speaker 1: I'm hoping you can help me fix it or just 28 00:01:32,360 --> 00:01:35,960 Speaker 1: give me some advice because your girls just feeling little. 29 00:01:36,040 --> 00:01:39,000 Speaker 1: So honestly, I'll try to make this bank story quick. 30 00:01:39,120 --> 00:01:42,479 Speaker 1: So I met my Mr Big and when I say 31 00:01:42,600 --> 00:01:46,000 Speaker 1: Mr Big, yeah, I'm talking about like how Carrie Brashaw 32 00:01:46,040 --> 00:01:49,760 Speaker 1: having Mr Big and sex in the city. So I 33 00:01:49,880 --> 00:01:52,360 Speaker 1: met how when I was twenty one and he was 34 00:01:52,400 --> 00:01:55,760 Speaker 1: twenty five at the time again this year, and he 35 00:01:55,840 --> 00:01:58,400 Speaker 1: was everything to me. The connection was truly Junior Waine. 36 00:01:58,720 --> 00:02:01,720 Speaker 1: We share common and tradus and we just had a 37 00:02:01,720 --> 00:02:04,360 Speaker 1: lot in comment, even down to the gym. So during 38 00:02:04,360 --> 00:02:06,240 Speaker 1: his time period when I met him, I was going 39 00:02:06,280 --> 00:02:08,960 Speaker 1: through a lot. I was going through a situation no car, 40 00:02:09,120 --> 00:02:10,760 Speaker 1: not have my own place, and I had a two 41 00:02:10,800 --> 00:02:13,440 Speaker 1: year old daughter at the time. My relationship with my 42 00:02:13,520 --> 00:02:17,200 Speaker 1: child's father was terrible and to better explain it, it 43 00:02:17,280 --> 00:02:20,720 Speaker 1: was absolutely frustrating, like trying to comparing with my child's father. 44 00:02:20,800 --> 00:02:23,400 Speaker 1: It was like we couldn't even agree that one plus 45 00:02:23,400 --> 00:02:25,959 Speaker 1: one equals too. So, needless to say, when I met 46 00:02:26,000 --> 00:02:27,919 Speaker 1: my Mr Big, he was a birth of fresh air. 47 00:02:28,560 --> 00:02:31,400 Speaker 1: So two months in, while my Mr Big was being 48 00:02:31,840 --> 00:02:34,560 Speaker 1: the best thing ever and having me on cloud nine, 49 00:02:35,000 --> 00:02:39,080 Speaker 1: no sex involved, he was helping me out and being consistent, 50 00:02:39,240 --> 00:02:42,120 Speaker 1: making me really happy, like he knew how to listen 51 00:02:42,160 --> 00:02:45,600 Speaker 1: to me and have real conversations, intellectual ones and funny ones. 52 00:02:46,080 --> 00:02:48,400 Speaker 1: I felt like I met my best friend, sold me. 53 00:02:48,560 --> 00:02:52,640 Speaker 1: I was mainly in love for him bomb show. He 54 00:02:52,680 --> 00:02:57,359 Speaker 1: admits he's married. Instant heartbreak, so I left. He chased 55 00:02:57,400 --> 00:03:00,160 Speaker 1: me down while I was an emotional rank or a 56 00:03:00,160 --> 00:03:02,720 Speaker 1: period of time. I definitely didn't make it easy for him, 57 00:03:02,760 --> 00:03:04,920 Speaker 1: but my intentions was to leave because I knew it 58 00:03:04,960 --> 00:03:08,840 Speaker 1: was the right thing to do. And finally I gave 59 00:03:08,880 --> 00:03:12,600 Speaker 1: in sex included. Shi got rope when he told his 60 00:03:12,639 --> 00:03:15,720 Speaker 1: wife about me, and that was just a whole another 61 00:03:15,760 --> 00:03:19,320 Speaker 1: fucking chapter, but I'm skipping all that. Maybe not so 62 00:03:19,720 --> 00:03:22,280 Speaker 1: wife came to me as a woman, even admitting that 63 00:03:22,320 --> 00:03:25,399 Speaker 1: she cheated on him thirst and wanted me to fall 64 00:03:25,440 --> 00:03:28,519 Speaker 1: back so they could work it out. Ranted they were, 65 00:03:28,600 --> 00:03:30,960 Speaker 1: in fact that family with two kids involved. I'm not 66 00:03:31,000 --> 00:03:34,000 Speaker 1: into breaking up our families, but I'm like, bitch, you 67 00:03:34,280 --> 00:03:37,400 Speaker 1: clearly wasn't thinking about your family, and I know we 68 00:03:37,440 --> 00:03:40,800 Speaker 1: all make mistakes, but I'm in too deep at this point, 69 00:03:41,200 --> 00:03:45,280 Speaker 1: so I attempted to walk away, Like several times, I'd 70 00:03:45,320 --> 00:03:47,920 Speaker 1: leave and come right back. And it was a back 71 00:03:47,960 --> 00:03:51,240 Speaker 1: and forth, back and forth thing for several years. When 72 00:03:51,240 --> 00:03:55,760 Speaker 1: I finally got the courage to let him go, like literally, 73 00:03:57,080 --> 00:03:59,960 Speaker 1: I'll say like a year later, they finally got divorced, 74 00:04:00,320 --> 00:04:03,960 Speaker 1: an official divorce. I automatically knew he wouldn't need time 75 00:04:04,040 --> 00:04:07,600 Speaker 1: to recover and get adjusted to his new normal, maybe 76 00:04:07,600 --> 00:04:10,200 Speaker 1: even on a couple of bitches. At this point, I 77 00:04:10,280 --> 00:04:14,160 Speaker 1: leveled up a lot, no home card, career and phone number, 78 00:04:14,480 --> 00:04:17,479 Speaker 1: same email, unfortunately, which is how he got in contact 79 00:04:17,560 --> 00:04:20,440 Speaker 1: with me. We fucked and he told me later how 80 00:04:20,800 --> 00:04:24,040 Speaker 1: he has a new situation, but it's rocky. I'm pissed 81 00:04:24,080 --> 00:04:26,919 Speaker 1: by this point because we just sucked in. I felt 82 00:04:26,960 --> 00:04:29,680 Speaker 1: like him telling me after the fact reminded me of 83 00:04:29,720 --> 00:04:32,120 Speaker 1: how he told me how he was married long after 84 00:04:32,160 --> 00:04:34,359 Speaker 1: I fell in love with him, had I known he 85 00:04:34,480 --> 00:04:36,720 Speaker 1: had a girlfriend, I wouldn't even had slept with him. 86 00:04:36,800 --> 00:04:39,279 Speaker 1: Maybe y'all would have had he been up front, But 87 00:04:39,400 --> 00:04:42,120 Speaker 1: let me decide, because now I feel like I'm playing 88 00:04:42,120 --> 00:04:45,560 Speaker 1: side check to your new bitch and I'm living. I'm 89 00:04:45,640 --> 00:04:49,560 Speaker 1: living because I feel like damn Like it's like, man, 90 00:04:49,600 --> 00:04:51,840 Speaker 1: you just see me as being a savage to whoever 91 00:04:51,880 --> 00:04:54,559 Speaker 1: you dealing with, Neil, And I've been in that side 92 00:04:54,560 --> 00:04:57,960 Speaker 1: bitch category for so long with you because I had 93 00:04:58,040 --> 00:05:01,040 Speaker 1: hopes that you would leave your situation us. I know, cliche, 94 00:05:01,200 --> 00:05:04,680 Speaker 1: but it's my truth. And I was very much younger 95 00:05:04,680 --> 00:05:06,440 Speaker 1: at that time, but I was so in love with 96 00:05:06,480 --> 00:05:10,160 Speaker 1: this name that I stayed around and I shouldn't hear 97 00:05:10,160 --> 00:05:12,800 Speaker 1: if I should have just walked away, no matter how 98 00:05:12,920 --> 00:05:15,760 Speaker 1: I fucking felt or whatever. But that was me at 99 00:05:16,120 --> 00:05:19,720 Speaker 1: two being dumb and stupid, and then twenty three being 100 00:05:19,800 --> 00:05:23,120 Speaker 1: dumb and stupid. You know, I'm like, oh, new year, 101 00:05:23,200 --> 00:05:25,159 Speaker 1: do big, Like I'm just trying to be on some 102 00:05:25,240 --> 00:05:29,160 Speaker 1: whole different type of time. However, it's like that's like, 103 00:05:29,279 --> 00:05:32,000 Speaker 1: once he came out of that situation, I honestly thought 104 00:05:32,040 --> 00:05:33,760 Speaker 1: that him and I stood the chance to where we 105 00:05:33,760 --> 00:05:36,840 Speaker 1: can finally come to each other both single, he's not 106 00:05:36,880 --> 00:05:38,920 Speaker 1: with nobody, I know, with nobody, So now we can 107 00:05:38,960 --> 00:05:42,240 Speaker 1: work on us eventually, not so quickly. So I'm not 108 00:05:42,320 --> 00:05:45,000 Speaker 1: trying to sound like I'm blaming this thing entirely on me. 109 00:05:45,360 --> 00:05:48,479 Speaker 1: I do take accountability, you know. Yes, he played his 110 00:05:48,560 --> 00:05:50,680 Speaker 1: part with telling me, you know, things that I chose 111 00:05:50,720 --> 00:05:54,280 Speaker 1: to believe. But aside from that, it's like one time 112 00:05:54,279 --> 00:05:56,839 Speaker 1: and I were fully single. I want us to gradually grow. 113 00:05:57,440 --> 00:06:00,320 Speaker 1: Bottom line, the nigga ends up ghosting me, and we 114 00:06:00,400 --> 00:06:02,680 Speaker 1: spend a whole of time together and I'm thinking it's 115 00:06:02,680 --> 00:06:06,480 Speaker 1: finally us officially bonded and growing towards our future, thinking 116 00:06:06,560 --> 00:06:09,480 Speaker 1: we about to be on this whole new chapter for us, 117 00:06:09,600 --> 00:06:12,159 Speaker 1: and this nigga end up ghosting me. By this point, 118 00:06:12,240 --> 00:06:14,839 Speaker 1: we find us into a pandemic or whole pandemic, and 119 00:06:14,920 --> 00:06:17,240 Speaker 1: it makes me think of it Beyonce and justin timber 120 00:06:17,320 --> 00:06:20,720 Speaker 1: Lakes song The End of Time, and it just had 121 00:06:20,760 --> 00:06:22,680 Speaker 1: me thinking, like, damn if if this is we're going 122 00:06:22,720 --> 00:06:25,280 Speaker 1: in like not because of like as long as we're 123 00:06:25,320 --> 00:06:29,320 Speaker 1: together as a family, I'm happy, you know, And it's 124 00:06:29,360 --> 00:06:31,719 Speaker 1: just so crazy. I don't know what can I say. 125 00:06:31,760 --> 00:06:33,760 Speaker 1: It's like I was shocked because he was never one 126 00:06:33,839 --> 00:06:35,520 Speaker 1: of ghost me, and that ship really sucked me up 127 00:06:35,520 --> 00:06:37,719 Speaker 1: because I was always the one doing a ghost thing, 128 00:06:37,960 --> 00:06:40,440 Speaker 1: you know, or the so called ghost and but it 129 00:06:40,560 --> 00:06:43,520 Speaker 1: was just like damn, like you you know, turns out 130 00:06:43,760 --> 00:06:47,320 Speaker 1: you ghost me because you got her pregnant and you know, 131 00:06:47,400 --> 00:06:49,039 Speaker 1: you didn't have the balls to tell me that you 132 00:06:49,120 --> 00:06:52,039 Speaker 1: had a baby on the way. And it's like then, 133 00:06:52,200 --> 00:06:54,599 Speaker 1: you know, turns out the following year y'all had a 134 00:06:54,600 --> 00:06:56,600 Speaker 1: baby or whatever. And I found out. I find us 135 00:06:56,600 --> 00:06:59,400 Speaker 1: out through a family friend and because again we're not 136 00:06:59,440 --> 00:07:02,520 Speaker 1: on social medid or whatever, and and it's like, you know, 137 00:07:02,680 --> 00:07:04,320 Speaker 1: and I'm not gonna lie. I was happy for him 138 00:07:04,320 --> 00:07:06,320 Speaker 1: and everything, but I cried like a little bit, you know, 139 00:07:06,480 --> 00:07:08,479 Speaker 1: and and I had to get it out of my 140 00:07:08,480 --> 00:07:09,840 Speaker 1: system because it's like, this is the man who I 141 00:07:09,840 --> 00:07:11,000 Speaker 1: wanted to spend the rest of my life way. I 142 00:07:11,040 --> 00:07:12,600 Speaker 1: want to have a child next and all that, and 143 00:07:12,600 --> 00:07:13,800 Speaker 1: it's like, damn, I had to be the one to 144 00:07:13,840 --> 00:07:15,840 Speaker 1: pop a playing b Hold up, hold up, I know 145 00:07:15,880 --> 00:07:18,040 Speaker 1: the ship getting good, but listen to just a couple 146 00:07:18,040 --> 00:07:20,239 Speaker 1: of seconds of a commercial. If you love me, you'll listen. 147 00:07:21,080 --> 00:07:23,160 Speaker 1: Moving on or whatever. He had a beautiful baby boy. 148 00:07:23,320 --> 00:07:25,120 Speaker 1: I'm happy for him, and then it's like he not 149 00:07:25,160 --> 00:07:28,400 Speaker 1: even with the baby mom, no more or whatever, like 150 00:07:28,760 --> 00:07:31,600 Speaker 1: that was a done deal. And it's like wow, you know, 151 00:07:31,640 --> 00:07:33,000 Speaker 1: so I do think like that that could have been 152 00:07:33,000 --> 00:07:35,880 Speaker 1: me in that situation, however, and moving along, it's like boom, 153 00:07:36,320 --> 00:07:38,600 Speaker 1: he asked me on social media, you know, and this 154 00:07:38,680 --> 00:07:41,080 Speaker 1: is like two years later, and if you knew her history, 155 00:07:41,120 --> 00:07:42,960 Speaker 1: you knew we never followed each other on social media 156 00:07:42,960 --> 00:07:45,720 Speaker 1: at all. He follows me on Instagram, so I follow back, 157 00:07:46,200 --> 00:07:49,080 Speaker 1: and it's like, you wanted me to see this ship down. 158 00:07:49,280 --> 00:07:52,000 Speaker 1: You engage, but you're not even with baby man number 159 00:07:52,040 --> 00:07:54,880 Speaker 1: one or two. You gotta hold new bitch, And it's like, okay, cool, 160 00:07:55,200 --> 00:07:57,280 Speaker 1: I'm happy for you, but no, I cried like a 161 00:07:57,280 --> 00:07:59,680 Speaker 1: little bit or whatever. It's like because you see the 162 00:07:59,680 --> 00:08:02,400 Speaker 1: Insta rand stories being posted up and everything. It looks 163 00:08:02,400 --> 00:08:05,000 Speaker 1: all terrific, and it's like I got me thinking, like damn, 164 00:08:05,040 --> 00:08:06,800 Speaker 1: and I know I wouldn't be tripping so hard if 165 00:08:06,840 --> 00:08:09,800 Speaker 1: I had a good situation going on for my own self, 166 00:08:09,880 --> 00:08:11,520 Speaker 1: you know, and I was involved with somebody when I 167 00:08:11,520 --> 00:08:13,680 Speaker 1: was in love, but I'm not. That's not my reality 168 00:08:13,720 --> 00:08:15,880 Speaker 1: for me. Unfortunately, you know, the dating pool is full 169 00:08:15,920 --> 00:08:19,240 Speaker 1: of ship impiss and it's like he's the only man 170 00:08:19,280 --> 00:08:21,600 Speaker 1: that I ever had a real connection with, and it's 171 00:08:21,640 --> 00:08:23,960 Speaker 1: really hard. It's a real hard pull to s follow, 172 00:08:24,520 --> 00:08:27,640 Speaker 1: you know, because it's like, I don't know, I know, 173 00:08:27,680 --> 00:08:30,600 Speaker 1: I sound like a crazy person, but this is just 174 00:08:31,000 --> 00:08:33,400 Speaker 1: the truth, and I'm just like, how the funk do 175 00:08:33,480 --> 00:08:36,080 Speaker 1: I move on? Do I block this motherfucker? I don't 176 00:08:36,080 --> 00:08:38,160 Speaker 1: have the balls do that. I told myself I wouldn't 177 00:08:38,160 --> 00:08:40,120 Speaker 1: go back on his page, So mind you, him being 178 00:08:40,160 --> 00:08:42,760 Speaker 1: engaged currently is more recently, Like this is like I 179 00:08:42,800 --> 00:08:46,160 Speaker 1: found out he was engaged summertime of last year two 180 00:08:46,600 --> 00:08:49,480 Speaker 1: so prior today, I found that about for my family friend, 181 00:08:49,960 --> 00:08:52,760 Speaker 1: another family friend that he was you know and engaged 182 00:08:52,760 --> 00:08:54,600 Speaker 1: and everything. And it's like, yo, I guess I gotta 183 00:08:54,600 --> 00:08:56,400 Speaker 1: tell these family friends don't keep me up with ship 184 00:08:56,440 --> 00:08:58,679 Speaker 1: because it's just it's just too much and I'm not 185 00:08:58,679 --> 00:09:00,120 Speaker 1: taking it as well as I thought I would it. 186 00:09:00,720 --> 00:09:03,760 Speaker 1: And again, like any any information after that, it was 187 00:09:03,800 --> 00:09:06,000 Speaker 1: all learned by me, like because I'm the one over 188 00:09:06,040 --> 00:09:07,720 Speaker 1: here lurking and searching the pages, so it's like I'm 189 00:09:07,760 --> 00:09:09,439 Speaker 1: looking at her page, I'm going at his page. I'm 190 00:09:09,440 --> 00:09:11,640 Speaker 1: finding information even down to the part that gets me 191 00:09:11,720 --> 00:09:14,240 Speaker 1: that how and again I know that will work for her, 192 00:09:14,240 --> 00:09:16,080 Speaker 1: don't work for me, will work for me, didn't work 193 00:09:16,120 --> 00:09:18,400 Speaker 1: for her, But however it's working right now for her. 194 00:09:18,400 --> 00:09:21,320 Speaker 1: Ship might as well to say, because they only would 195 00:09:21,360 --> 00:09:23,520 Speaker 1: know each other for a year and got engaged. And 196 00:09:23,600 --> 00:09:25,440 Speaker 1: that's a slap in the face to me because I'm like, damn, 197 00:09:25,440 --> 00:09:27,200 Speaker 1: and how many fucking years that I waste on you? 198 00:09:27,280 --> 00:09:29,440 Speaker 1: But it is what it is, you know what I mean, like, 199 00:09:29,880 --> 00:09:32,760 Speaker 1: and I'm just trying to I just don't want to 200 00:09:32,800 --> 00:09:34,679 Speaker 1: be like on it, like I'm not this person, I'm 201 00:09:34,679 --> 00:09:37,240 Speaker 1: not this woman who. I don't hate the girl, and 202 00:09:37,240 --> 00:09:38,840 Speaker 1: I want to make that very clear. I do not 203 00:09:38,960 --> 00:09:41,480 Speaker 1: hate her, you know. I notice sound like I'm hating Ship, 204 00:09:41,520 --> 00:09:44,120 Speaker 1: but I don't hate her as a person. If anything, 205 00:09:44,120 --> 00:09:45,839 Speaker 1: I admire her because I'm like, yo, it's a lot 206 00:09:45,880 --> 00:09:48,640 Speaker 1: of her that I see and myself, Like, it's a 207 00:09:48,640 --> 00:09:50,080 Speaker 1: lot of things I've seen me and her got in comment, 208 00:09:50,080 --> 00:09:51,560 Speaker 1: it's a lot of me that I see I heard, 209 00:09:51,880 --> 00:09:54,160 Speaker 1: so I'm like, what the funk? Like, you know even 210 00:09:54,160 --> 00:09:56,760 Speaker 1: then too, our body shaves and just how you know, 211 00:09:57,000 --> 00:09:58,679 Speaker 1: like some of the ship that she'd be posting. Again, 212 00:09:58,720 --> 00:10:00,600 Speaker 1: this is me just being upset and lurk in or 213 00:10:00,600 --> 00:10:04,360 Speaker 1: whatever and and not on something like obsessing all day. 214 00:10:04,440 --> 00:10:06,320 Speaker 1: But this ship takes up a lot of space in 215 00:10:06,320 --> 00:10:08,920 Speaker 1: my fucking mind. And I'm just being real honest, like 216 00:10:09,320 --> 00:10:12,720 Speaker 1: because I sit and reflect like damn like ten years 217 00:10:13,000 --> 00:10:15,520 Speaker 1: and reflecting back on how it was and the fact 218 00:10:15,520 --> 00:10:18,040 Speaker 1: that I haven't met a man yet who makes me 219 00:10:18,040 --> 00:10:20,280 Speaker 1: feel the way that he does. And you know, he 220 00:10:20,360 --> 00:10:22,320 Speaker 1: was a man who really really saw me. He gave 221 00:10:22,320 --> 00:10:25,320 Speaker 1: me my flowers when my baby father was giving me garbage, 222 00:10:25,400 --> 00:10:27,880 Speaker 1: you know, giving me a lot of ship and hating 223 00:10:27,920 --> 00:10:30,240 Speaker 1: on me when I when I elevated, and you know, 224 00:10:30,320 --> 00:10:32,000 Speaker 1: instead of being proud like, oh my baby mind going 225 00:10:32,080 --> 00:10:34,520 Speaker 1: goove with her life and and you know what I mean, 226 00:10:34,559 --> 00:10:36,000 Speaker 1: and me and my baby father in a good space 227 00:10:36,040 --> 00:10:39,280 Speaker 1: now or whatever. But it was just you can only 228 00:10:39,320 --> 00:10:41,320 Speaker 1: imagine how disgusting it was for me to just like 229 00:10:41,400 --> 00:10:43,600 Speaker 1: just deal with all of that, and and how it 230 00:10:43,679 --> 00:10:47,240 Speaker 1: really made my Mr Big look like Mr Big you 231 00:10:47,280 --> 00:10:49,040 Speaker 1: know what I mean, Like he was Mr Big Shot 232 00:10:49,080 --> 00:10:53,880 Speaker 1: in my world. So how do I move the funk on? 233 00:10:54,280 --> 00:10:56,680 Speaker 1: Is just where I'm at, Like I don't want to 234 00:10:56,679 --> 00:10:59,760 Speaker 1: be this person. That's just like, you know, being this 235 00:11:00,040 --> 00:11:02,319 Speaker 1: way or whatever. I don't I'm not trying to cause 236 00:11:02,320 --> 00:11:04,240 Speaker 1: harm to nobody. I'm not like that. I'm not in 237 00:11:04,280 --> 00:11:06,880 Speaker 1: that kind of mental space at all. But I do 238 00:11:07,000 --> 00:11:09,000 Speaker 1: sit back and just think so much. And then on 239 00:11:09,040 --> 00:11:12,280 Speaker 1: top of that, it's even worse than like, Okay, I 240 00:11:12,320 --> 00:11:14,000 Speaker 1: know I'm getting my body goes together, but she get 241 00:11:14,040 --> 00:11:16,839 Speaker 1: her body goes together to not only just that, but 242 00:11:16,960 --> 00:11:20,920 Speaker 1: he also looked so much fucking better. Keeve been mine 243 00:11:20,960 --> 00:11:23,000 Speaker 1: when I met him. You know, we had a lot 244 00:11:23,000 --> 00:11:24,920 Speaker 1: in common with like keeping our weight down, working out 245 00:11:25,000 --> 00:11:26,480 Speaker 1: jim dates, all the kind of stuff stuff that I 246 00:11:26,520 --> 00:11:28,240 Speaker 1: see them do now, and they don't work out these 247 00:11:28,240 --> 00:11:30,440 Speaker 1: together and everything. So I'm okay, I see only work 248 00:11:30,440 --> 00:11:32,920 Speaker 1: at videos, That's what's up. But him, like I've always 249 00:11:32,920 --> 00:11:35,480 Speaker 1: been attracted to this man, Like this man's found the motherfucker. 250 00:11:35,520 --> 00:11:37,440 Speaker 1: I just might have to insert the picture so you 251 00:11:37,440 --> 00:11:40,439 Speaker 1: can see what I'm tripping on. And that's just the 252 00:11:40,520 --> 00:11:41,920 Speaker 1: end of that chest. I'm sorry to be so long 253 00:11:41,960 --> 00:11:44,680 Speaker 1: windy with this whole thing, but how do I move 254 00:11:44,760 --> 00:11:47,920 Speaker 1: the funk on? And just like full big, like what's 255 00:11:47,960 --> 00:11:50,200 Speaker 1: your vikes on? That because I don't know, I'm not 256 00:11:50,240 --> 00:11:51,840 Speaker 1: a crazy person. I got a lot of good things 257 00:11:51,840 --> 00:11:53,920 Speaker 1: going on for myself. I do the day, and I said, 258 00:11:53,920 --> 00:11:56,439 Speaker 1: the dating pool sucks, but and you know, I love 259 00:11:56,520 --> 00:11:58,440 Speaker 1: just being a mom and doing what I gotta do. 260 00:11:58,520 --> 00:12:02,080 Speaker 1: But it's like my know, you know, my operlation clock, 261 00:12:02,280 --> 00:12:03,959 Speaker 1: you know, it was taken away, you know, and it's 262 00:12:04,000 --> 00:12:06,800 Speaker 1: like eventually I'm one another baby in its heart trying 263 00:12:06,800 --> 00:12:09,360 Speaker 1: to pick a motherfucker. Because after going through my first situation, 264 00:12:09,440 --> 00:12:12,280 Speaker 1: my first baby father, they already get PCs day. So 265 00:12:12,320 --> 00:12:14,319 Speaker 1: I told myself I was not having another baby, and 266 00:12:14,360 --> 00:12:17,920 Speaker 1: so I found the one and it's like, man, it's hard, 267 00:12:18,800 --> 00:12:20,800 Speaker 1: Oh my god. Also, just I just would like to 268 00:12:20,840 --> 00:12:23,760 Speaker 1: add that the way that this impacted me, it has 269 00:12:23,800 --> 00:12:25,880 Speaker 1: this pros and its kinds. And so just to mention 270 00:12:25,920 --> 00:12:27,880 Speaker 1: the pro once I found out that he was he 271 00:12:27,920 --> 00:12:32,520 Speaker 1: was engaged. Last year of two, summer two, I actually 272 00:12:32,520 --> 00:12:34,320 Speaker 1: just went hard. It put a battery in my back 273 00:12:34,360 --> 00:12:36,360 Speaker 1: and I went into to a gym because I know 274 00:12:36,440 --> 00:12:37,800 Speaker 1: I picked. I put it on a lot of weight 275 00:12:37,840 --> 00:12:41,400 Speaker 1: since the pandemic, So I d losing thirty pounds before 276 00:12:41,640 --> 00:12:44,160 Speaker 1: the year was out. That was my goal. UM twenty 277 00:12:44,200 --> 00:12:46,320 Speaker 1: five my goal. It just did something to me, So 278 00:12:46,360 --> 00:12:49,520 Speaker 1: that's the that's the pro point, you know. But um, 279 00:12:49,559 --> 00:12:53,400 Speaker 1: I mean and not to use that as my you know, motivation, 280 00:12:53,480 --> 00:12:56,360 Speaker 1: my drive, but it has been, you know, just be honest. 281 00:12:56,400 --> 00:12:58,320 Speaker 1: So I don't know. I'm just trying to get ready 282 00:12:58,360 --> 00:13:00,480 Speaker 1: for a whole new thing because I'll be damned sitting 283 00:13:00,520 --> 00:13:04,040 Speaker 1: up here, you know, watching them and had a beautiful way, 284 00:13:04,120 --> 00:13:06,520 Speaker 1: you know whatever, and I'm over here just all out 285 00:13:06,520 --> 00:13:08,920 Speaker 1: of shape by the way, like at depending on these 286 00:13:08,920 --> 00:13:13,520 Speaker 1: fucking quarantine pans. So um, but yeah, that's all I 287 00:13:13,559 --> 00:13:15,720 Speaker 1: want to share. I just you know, it's it's prosing 288 00:13:15,760 --> 00:13:18,200 Speaker 1: kind toy. But best believe I'm not all crazy like 289 00:13:18,280 --> 00:13:21,319 Speaker 1: sitting outside his man's house or stalking her like I 290 00:13:21,400 --> 00:13:23,160 Speaker 1: don't even know the girl, never met her, you know. 291 00:13:23,240 --> 00:13:24,800 Speaker 1: So like I said, the stalk it is so bad. 292 00:13:25,080 --> 00:13:27,760 Speaker 1: It's wearing like on social media because like I learned 293 00:13:27,760 --> 00:13:30,520 Speaker 1: so much off of their page because um, they post 294 00:13:30,520 --> 00:13:32,880 Speaker 1: so much, they post every thing. But that's what that is. 295 00:13:32,960 --> 00:13:35,240 Speaker 1: So I just want to want to be in a 296 00:13:35,240 --> 00:13:37,440 Speaker 1: hold new space. So that's what I want to Thank you, 297 00:13:37,640 --> 00:13:40,440 Speaker 1: just thank you. If you love me, you'll listen to 298 00:13:40,480 --> 00:13:44,400 Speaker 1: this commercial and then we'll be right back. Okay, So 299 00:13:44,440 --> 00:13:45,800 Speaker 1: I told you all, I'm at work, So now I 300 00:13:45,880 --> 00:13:48,079 Speaker 1: gotta walk to the front go get my goddamn food, 301 00:13:48,280 --> 00:13:50,120 Speaker 1: because that's just how it is on set. I don't 302 00:13:50,160 --> 00:13:52,559 Speaker 1: like the ship that he got here. All right, let 303 00:13:52,600 --> 00:13:56,360 Speaker 1: me get to you, sweetheart. First of all, I want 304 00:13:56,360 --> 00:13:59,200 Speaker 1: to say thank you for being so open and so 305 00:13:59,280 --> 00:14:05,320 Speaker 1: vulnerable with such personal information like it's it's something that 306 00:14:05,360 --> 00:14:09,440 Speaker 1: you that women often feel ashamed of sharing, how vulnerable 307 00:14:09,480 --> 00:14:12,160 Speaker 1: they are and how dumb these men make us feel, 308 00:14:12,160 --> 00:14:15,280 Speaker 1: and how stupid we may feel that they make us look. 309 00:14:15,840 --> 00:14:18,240 Speaker 1: And we ain't stupid. We know that we're not, but 310 00:14:18,679 --> 00:14:24,440 Speaker 1: it's easy to make us feel that fucking way. Hello, 311 00:14:25,720 --> 00:14:30,840 Speaker 1: thank you so much, baby girl. All Right, there we go. 312 00:14:33,640 --> 00:14:38,280 Speaker 1: I'm about to finish talking. I just had you. Gotta 313 00:14:38,320 --> 00:14:41,000 Speaker 1: fucking work at work. I'm doing my fucking podcast, wild 314 00:14:41,000 --> 00:14:50,160 Speaker 1: iman fucking podcast. Say okay, lord, I got cramps, Lord, Lord, Lord, 315 00:14:50,600 --> 00:14:52,960 Speaker 1: and you'll get my food at the front. I got cramps, y'all. 316 00:14:53,240 --> 00:14:57,040 Speaker 1: This is a lot, but it's very very real. All 317 00:14:57,160 --> 00:15:02,400 Speaker 1: right here we go. Sorry about that. Okay, So what 318 00:15:02,480 --> 00:15:05,920 Speaker 1: I want to say to you, I'm gonna tell you 319 00:15:06,000 --> 00:15:08,680 Speaker 1: immediately what I feel like your problem is No, I 320 00:15:08,720 --> 00:15:10,440 Speaker 1: don't think that you're a hater, but I think that 321 00:15:10,600 --> 00:15:15,600 Speaker 1: you're so busy being envious of the time that these 322 00:15:15,640 --> 00:15:21,520 Speaker 1: women have with him versus you focusing on yourself, you 323 00:15:21,760 --> 00:15:25,080 Speaker 1: leveling up, knowing what you're worth, and realizing that you're 324 00:15:25,120 --> 00:15:28,800 Speaker 1: never gonna be first to him because you look up. 325 00:15:28,800 --> 00:15:31,640 Speaker 1: Ten years is gone and you've been playing seconds since 326 00:15:31,680 --> 00:15:35,280 Speaker 1: you met him. You understand, when you learned that he 327 00:15:35,400 --> 00:15:39,560 Speaker 1: had a wife, you were upset, you were disgusted. The 328 00:15:39,640 --> 00:15:43,560 Speaker 1: anguish took over, but you still never let him go. 329 00:15:44,240 --> 00:15:47,640 Speaker 1: You still never set a boundary and said, oh no, 330 00:15:47,760 --> 00:15:50,560 Speaker 1: I can't funk what you you married boom. In fact, 331 00:15:50,720 --> 00:15:54,000 Speaker 1: you saw comfort and being with him because his wife 332 00:15:54,240 --> 00:15:56,800 Speaker 1: had admitted to you like she cheated on him, So 333 00:15:56,920 --> 00:16:00,160 Speaker 1: you felt like it was okay. So you made a 334 00:16:00,240 --> 00:16:04,560 Speaker 1: mental contract in your mind and you you stayed bind 335 00:16:04,640 --> 00:16:06,600 Speaker 1: it to it. Whether you really want to admit it 336 00:16:06,680 --> 00:16:09,120 Speaker 1: or not. You put yourself in the situation, you kept 337 00:16:09,120 --> 00:16:12,520 Speaker 1: yourself there. It's like you negotiated the terms yourself. Okay. 338 00:16:12,520 --> 00:16:15,640 Speaker 1: So since his wife cheated on him, shan't running about 339 00:16:15,680 --> 00:16:18,360 Speaker 1: a happy life paying a happy wife with her husband. 340 00:16:18,760 --> 00:16:21,120 Speaker 1: So now that allows him to be able to cheat 341 00:16:21,160 --> 00:16:24,280 Speaker 1: with me with no regard for her feelings because she 342 00:16:24,360 --> 00:16:27,320 Speaker 1: cheated first. When in fact, you want to one day 343 00:16:27,320 --> 00:16:29,600 Speaker 1: become a wife. You would give anything to be in 344 00:16:29,600 --> 00:16:32,520 Speaker 1: her position, because she's the wife, right, that's what you wanted. 345 00:16:32,520 --> 00:16:34,000 Speaker 1: You wanted to be a wife, You wanted to be 346 00:16:34,080 --> 00:16:36,040 Speaker 1: a family. You want to have him as your husband. 347 00:16:36,200 --> 00:16:38,600 Speaker 1: Nobody has ever made you feel the way he made 348 00:16:38,600 --> 00:16:41,640 Speaker 1: you feel. You, God, damn right, nobody has ever made 349 00:16:41,680 --> 00:16:44,760 Speaker 1: you feel second. Nobody has ever done that. Oh, your 350 00:16:44,800 --> 00:16:47,480 Speaker 1: baby daddy did, and this man makes you feel the 351 00:16:47,520 --> 00:16:50,120 Speaker 1: same way. You know. I'm laying on you think because 352 00:16:50,560 --> 00:16:53,400 Speaker 1: you I'm telling you, I'm regurgitating back what you told 353 00:16:53,400 --> 00:16:56,520 Speaker 1: me about yourself. And it takes for someone to hear 354 00:16:56,560 --> 00:16:59,480 Speaker 1: it from somebody else's mouth, something about them. Um, you 355 00:16:59,480 --> 00:17:01,600 Speaker 1: can tell me story all day. You don't hear it 356 00:17:01,800 --> 00:17:04,760 Speaker 1: until you hear it back. You really ain't listening until 357 00:17:04,800 --> 00:17:07,520 Speaker 1: you hear it somebody else tell you your ship back 358 00:17:07,560 --> 00:17:10,440 Speaker 1: to you. I want you to think about that. Think 359 00:17:10,440 --> 00:17:12,680 Speaker 1: about that. You're never gonna be number one to him. 360 00:17:12,920 --> 00:17:15,280 Speaker 1: You never was. Not saying it didn't love you, not 361 00:17:15,320 --> 00:17:17,360 Speaker 1: saying it didn't feel anything for you, but he's obviously 362 00:17:17,400 --> 00:17:20,240 Speaker 1: a womanizer. Ain't what the first baby mother? Ain't what 363 00:17:20,280 --> 00:17:22,320 Speaker 1: the second baby mother? And he wouldn't be with you, 364 00:17:22,359 --> 00:17:25,680 Speaker 1: and you kept saying you wanting to be in their 365 00:17:25,720 --> 00:17:29,120 Speaker 1: places for that time being that he had with them. 366 00:17:29,440 --> 00:17:31,560 Speaker 1: Why you in your place? You was just as free 367 00:17:31,560 --> 00:17:33,480 Speaker 1: as the bird and didn't even know it because you 368 00:17:33,520 --> 00:17:36,320 Speaker 1: was holding your own self captive to him. He wasn't 369 00:17:36,320 --> 00:17:39,160 Speaker 1: even holping you captive. He just figured that you would 370 00:17:39,160 --> 00:17:42,560 Speaker 1: be there every time he called, and you were. So 371 00:17:42,640 --> 00:17:44,439 Speaker 1: that's how you move on. You look up and you 372 00:17:44,480 --> 00:17:46,920 Speaker 1: realize how fucking free you are, and that you're not 373 00:17:47,600 --> 00:17:51,000 Speaker 1: even that wife. Stop lurking, Stop stop looking at that 374 00:17:51,040 --> 00:17:53,960 Speaker 1: ship for what. I don't care what what that life 375 00:17:54,000 --> 00:17:57,239 Speaker 1: may look like on Instagram or or whatever. You know. 376 00:17:57,359 --> 00:18:00,000 Speaker 1: God damn well, behind closed doors, that man is still 377 00:18:00,040 --> 00:18:03,159 Speaker 1: cheating on her because it's a couple of yous that 378 00:18:03,240 --> 00:18:05,800 Speaker 1: he's had. Apparently he loves younger women that he can 379 00:18:05,840 --> 00:18:08,560 Speaker 1: pull the wall over their eyes and ship. He getting older, Hell, 380 00:18:08,800 --> 00:18:11,480 Speaker 1: he's getting older. He ain't getting no younger. Yeah, the 381 00:18:11,560 --> 00:18:14,240 Speaker 1: dating pool is full of ship and piss, and these 382 00:18:14,320 --> 00:18:16,479 Speaker 1: niggas love to swim in it. So that's what he's 383 00:18:16,480 --> 00:18:19,040 Speaker 1: gonna keep on doing what a wife. He just sucked 384 00:18:19,040 --> 00:18:22,120 Speaker 1: you last year and he was engaged. He ain't ready 385 00:18:22,160 --> 00:18:25,360 Speaker 1: to get married. It looks good these days. People get 386 00:18:25,440 --> 00:18:28,159 Speaker 1: married for the wrong reasons anyway, just to have those 387 00:18:28,280 --> 00:18:31,000 Speaker 1: great pictures to capture and share with the world full 388 00:18:31,000 --> 00:18:33,400 Speaker 1: of motherfuckers who don't know or give a funk about them. 389 00:18:33,680 --> 00:18:36,919 Speaker 1: You better get yourself together because you sound very intelligent 390 00:18:37,000 --> 00:18:39,160 Speaker 1: and two goddamn good. There a lot of another ten 391 00:18:39,240 --> 00:18:43,520 Speaker 1: years go past chasing the motherfucker who ain't gonna chase you, Okay, 392 00:18:43,800 --> 00:18:46,080 Speaker 1: running up behind this man girl, and he only four 393 00:18:46,160 --> 00:18:49,280 Speaker 1: years older. Years, he ain't getting no motherfucking younger. He 394 00:18:49,359 --> 00:18:50,960 Speaker 1: looked good, bit you look good. You know how many 395 00:18:50,960 --> 00:18:53,879 Speaker 1: other niggas out here looked good that don't belong to 396 00:18:53,920 --> 00:18:57,199 Speaker 1: nobody that's waiting for a woman like you because you 397 00:18:57,200 --> 00:19:00,240 Speaker 1: don't belong to nobody either. You don't belong to him 398 00:19:00,280 --> 00:19:02,760 Speaker 1: because he's never claimed you and you know, took up 399 00:19:02,800 --> 00:19:04,800 Speaker 1: all his damn episode. Girl, you better check back in 400 00:19:04,920 --> 00:19:06,680 Speaker 1: with me. That brings me to the end of this 401 00:19:07,000 --> 00:19:10,080 Speaker 1: just fixed my mess episode for carefully reckless. Y'all tune 402 00:19:10,119 --> 00:19:11,880 Speaker 1: in each and every Wednesday when you're way to work, 403 00:19:11,960 --> 00:19:13,840 Speaker 1: when you wait to take them babies in school, on 404 00:19:13,880 --> 00:19:16,040 Speaker 1: your way to the gym, whether you gotta wake up, 405 00:19:16,119 --> 00:19:18,760 Speaker 1: listen to go back to sleep, sparking your morning blunt. 406 00:19:18,800 --> 00:19:21,320 Speaker 1: It don't matter. Tune in and tune It's a co 407 00:19:21,480 --> 00:19:24,600 Speaker 1: parents and therapy with Just and Rome This Wednesday, every 408 00:19:24,600 --> 00:19:27,639 Speaker 1: other Wednesday night at seven pm and in my deepest 409 00:19:27,680 --> 00:20:41,840 Speaker 1: pam Boys, I love y'all. Peace Carefully Reckless is a 410 00:20:41,880 --> 00:20:44,800 Speaker 1: production of I Heart Radio and The Black Effect. For 411 00:20:44,880 --> 00:20:47,640 Speaker 1: more podcasts from I heart Radio, visit the I heart 412 00:20:47,680 --> 00:20:51,080 Speaker 1: Radio app, Apple podcast, or wherever you listen to your 413 00:20:51,080 --> 00:20:51,680 Speaker 1: favorite shows.