WEBVTT - #42 Welcome Back Unglert 0:00:00.440 --> 0:00:04.440 Hell I Suck Good Dating with Dean, Vanessa and Jared 0:00:04.720 --> 0:00:10.039 and I Heart Radio podcast. Hey everybody, welcome back to 0:00:10.119 --> 0:00:13.080 an all new episode of Help I Suck At Dating. 0:00:13.119 --> 0:00:15.480 My name is Jared. I'm joined by the beautiful Vanessa 0:00:15.600 --> 0:00:18.680 gamal d Vanessa. Are you out there? How do you 0:00:18.760 --> 0:00:21.279 hear it? I hear you're loud and clear. Thanks for 0:00:21.360 --> 0:00:25.440 joining us and back in studio this week. It feels 0:00:25.480 --> 0:00:28.120 like it's been four years since this guy has been here. 0:00:28.320 --> 0:00:35.400 Ladies and gentlemen, thanks for having me back. Guys, I didn't. 0:00:35.920 --> 0:00:37.360 I missed a lot of things while I was away, 0:00:37.400 --> 0:00:38.920 but this might be the one thing that I missed 0:00:38.920 --> 0:00:43.599 the most. We missed you every Tuesday afternoon one pm, 0:00:43.600 --> 0:00:46.600 coming in seeing these beautiful faces in burd Bank. Here 0:00:46.600 --> 0:00:48.839 we go. What a time to be alive. Thank you 0:00:48.840 --> 0:00:50.680 so much for having me back. Thank you for allowing 0:00:50.720 --> 0:00:52.919 me to come back. Stop at this is your podcast. 0:00:53.000 --> 0:00:56.200 I'm just merely like guest, shut up. You filled in? 0:00:56.600 --> 0:00:58.680 I'm not filled in. I feel like the podcast. While 0:00:58.680 --> 0:01:01.000 I was away, he was even getting better reviews on 0:01:01.040 --> 0:01:02.640 the iTunes store than when I was here. I was 0:01:02.680 --> 0:01:04.680 reading some of them. There was no roast. They were 0:01:04.720 --> 0:01:07.360 all Oh my god, this podcast is drastically improved since 0:01:07.400 --> 0:01:10.560 Dean has left, never bringing back. So I mean, sorry, guys, 0:01:10.600 --> 0:01:12.880 but here I am. Please everybody wants you back. Team 0:01:12.920 --> 0:01:14.600 we all love you. Were also joined by Eastern and 0:01:15.040 --> 0:01:17.440 as always, the two wonderful men, and in studio we 0:01:17.440 --> 0:01:19.319 have a wonderful guest to start off our podcast. We 0:01:19.319 --> 0:01:22.160 have the wonderful Holly Martin. Holly, thank you so much 0:01:22.160 --> 0:01:24.920 for joining us. Thank you for having me on the show. Please, 0:01:24.920 --> 0:01:27.480 it's our pleasure. So Holly, uh, you know, talk about yourself, 0:01:27.560 --> 0:01:29.720 you when you have this fall coming out? Would it 0:01:29.800 --> 0:01:32.640 kill you to put on some some lipstick hopefully, But 0:01:32.720 --> 0:01:34.600 talk about that, talk about your dating history, talk about 0:01:34.640 --> 0:01:36.800 why you're here. Well, you know, first, when I found 0:01:36.800 --> 0:01:40.360 out the the title of the show, I feel completely 0:01:40.440 --> 0:01:43.840 qualified to be here because I still suck at dating, right. 0:01:43.880 --> 0:01:45.679 I don't think you know, I was thinking about it. 0:01:45.880 --> 0:01:48.720 Nobody for hundreds and hundreds of years has figured this 0:01:48.720 --> 0:01:51.440 stuff out, and we're not going to figure it out today. 0:01:51.480 --> 0:01:53.880 But it helps to talk about it helps, right, that 0:01:54.360 --> 0:01:55.880 progress at the end of that as long as we're 0:01:55.880 --> 0:01:59.720 making progress right, right. So my story is I've I've 0:01:59.760 --> 0:02:02.280 got twenty years on you, guys, I you don't look 0:02:02.280 --> 0:02:05.280 a day over thirty. I'm not talking about that. He 0:02:05.360 --> 0:02:08.520 looked wonderful. Thank you, thank you. But I think there's 0:02:08.520 --> 0:02:13.360 a distinct difference about dating in your forties after you've 0:02:14.120 --> 0:02:17.160 been married before versus you guys. You know you're ready 0:02:17.160 --> 0:02:20.120 to go to the altar next summer, right, I am. Yes, 0:02:20.200 --> 0:02:23.200 we are planning dates as we speak, right. And you know, 0:02:23.240 --> 0:02:27.120 there's a big psychology of what happens when you stand 0:02:27.160 --> 0:02:30.840 in front of anybody that you've ever you know, known 0:02:30.960 --> 0:02:33.680 your community, in front of people, and you make fouls 0:02:34.400 --> 0:02:38.200 and you commit to somebody and then it may or 0:02:38.200 --> 0:02:41.360 may not work. And what happens when you find yourself, 0:02:41.760 --> 0:02:45.400 you know, in your mid forties, and you know of 0:02:45.440 --> 0:02:48.600 marriages fail and you're you're really in a in a 0:02:48.639 --> 0:02:54.080 tough place. I was devastated, I was grieving and and 0:02:54.160 --> 0:02:58.160 I really triggered an identity crisis. Well, you've been divorced twice. 0:02:58.280 --> 0:03:01.360 I've been divorced twice, so even my do over had failed. 0:03:01.919 --> 0:03:03.679 How tough was that the second time? If you don't 0:03:03.680 --> 0:03:07.520 mind me asking, brutal, brutal, and and it actually was 0:03:07.639 --> 0:03:11.040 what UM prompted me to write my book because I 0:03:11.080 --> 0:03:14.200 was in so much pain. I was actually writing, trying 0:03:14.200 --> 0:03:17.040 to write novels, and I ended it up just realizing 0:03:17.040 --> 0:03:20.320 I have to write through this pain. And I was 0:03:20.360 --> 0:03:24.480 sitting in a spa, feeling sorry for myself. I had 0:03:24.600 --> 0:03:27.080 just broken up a boyfriend had dumped me that I 0:03:27.120 --> 0:03:31.519 had been dating. And this was after the two divorces. Yes, yes, 0:03:31.639 --> 0:03:34.600 And I'm sitting in a spa and I come across 0:03:34.639 --> 0:03:39.000 this magazine article and it's written um about a journalist 0:03:39.040 --> 0:03:42.600 who was widowed in her thirties, and she had waited, 0:03:42.880 --> 0:03:44.480 you know, the better part of her life to meet 0:03:44.480 --> 0:03:47.280 this love of her life. She gets pregnant. They they 0:03:47.640 --> 0:03:49.320 you know, they're ready to enjoy this baby. And her 0:03:49.400 --> 0:03:55.480 husband is stricken by cancer and dies and well, right 0:03:55.640 --> 0:04:00.120 like within a couple of months, and it's horrible. And 0:04:00.240 --> 0:04:04.560 she crosses paths with the late comedian Joan Rivers, and 0:04:04.640 --> 0:04:08.160 Joan Rivers looks at her and says, would it kill 0:04:08.240 --> 0:04:13.520 you to put on some lipsticks? Up right? And and 0:04:13.560 --> 0:04:17.800 it's and she said, set up an online account, go 0:04:17.920 --> 0:04:21.680 on a hundred dates, and you'll meet somebody. And I 0:04:21.720 --> 0:04:25.240 sat there at that spa and I thought, oh my god, 0:04:25.320 --> 0:04:28.479 maybe maybe this is the answer, and I had to 0:04:28.520 --> 0:04:31.320 find out and so that became the inspiration for my 0:04:31.360 --> 0:04:33.800 book Love It Well. And so how it tell us 0:04:33.800 --> 0:04:35.600 a little bit more about the hundred dates? Then, So 0:04:36.360 --> 0:04:40.920 did you go on a hundred dates? That's whatever, pretty 0:04:41.000 --> 0:04:42.400 darn closed and a couple of things. It's not a 0:04:42.440 --> 0:04:45.000 hundred guys, And I didn't sleep with a hundred guys, 0:04:45.040 --> 0:04:47.719 of course, right well, not not the implication whatsoever. But 0:04:47.760 --> 0:04:50.159 you're still going grabbing drinks, having dinner with these guys now, 0:04:50.279 --> 0:04:52.800 and there's multiple I mean, there ends up becoming really 0:04:53.920 --> 0:04:57.320 three main dates, three main characters, and then, um, you 0:04:57.360 --> 0:05:01.000 know the one off there, you know, two dates or 0:05:01.040 --> 0:05:04.120 something that I went on with within your story, you 0:05:04.160 --> 0:05:08.360 have pretty much three solid relationships that came from that. Um, 0:05:08.400 --> 0:05:12.120 I would say one solid relationship at the end. Um 0:05:12.160 --> 0:05:15.440 at one point I was dating. On the West Coast, 0:05:15.520 --> 0:05:20.680 I was dating a thirty three year old fireman, and 0:05:20.760 --> 0:05:23.800 on the East Coast I was dating a sixty two 0:05:23.880 --> 0:05:30.240 year old Boston Was this at the same time, Yes, yes, 0:05:30.360 --> 0:05:32.039 which which I have a follow up question for that too, 0:05:32.080 --> 0:05:35.799 is throughout the course of this year, on any given 0:05:35.880 --> 0:05:37.920 time or any given moment, how many guys. Were you 0:05:38.040 --> 0:05:41.800 dating simultaneously? I think I think the most at one 0:05:41.800 --> 0:05:45.880 point was four. That was just too much. Did they 0:05:45.880 --> 0:05:50.360 know about that you were dating on the guys? It was? 0:05:50.440 --> 0:05:53.840 And this is the other thing, is I you know 0:05:54.080 --> 0:05:56.120 you asked me? I was married twice and I was 0:05:56.160 --> 0:05:59.839 basically married to to David's ten years each and I 0:06:00.040 --> 0:06:04.039 ever I never dated in between. And the names were 0:06:04.040 --> 0:06:06.800 actually both David, Well they're not really named Dvid. Two guys, 0:06:06.800 --> 0:06:09.040 same names, like twenty years of the two girls, and 0:06:09.120 --> 0:06:12.560 I always names Privacy. And so I realized, like here 0:06:12.640 --> 0:06:15.520 in in my forties, I've never had my time. I've 0:06:15.560 --> 0:06:18.880 never had my time to date, and and I was clueless. 0:06:19.080 --> 0:06:22.279 And so I'm going into this pretty darn clueless. And 0:06:23.320 --> 0:06:24.680 so why do you think you were clus? Do you 0:06:24.720 --> 0:06:26.920 think you're cluse because you haven't dated in so long 0:06:26.960 --> 0:06:29.800 and the world was different? Is that? Like? How old 0:06:29.839 --> 0:06:32.560 were you when you first got married? Well? I got 0:06:32.600 --> 0:06:35.560 it was twenty seven, but I had been with that, 0:06:35.800 --> 0:06:37.839 you know, the man to become my husband, like for 0:06:37.920 --> 0:06:41.000 ten years, Like yeah, so we've been like twenties with 0:06:41.080 --> 0:06:43.800 one man and then thirties into forties with the second. 0:06:43.800 --> 0:06:47.560 And I didn't have children with my first husband, I 0:06:47.600 --> 0:06:53.200 had a child with my second and and so it 0:06:53.400 --> 0:06:57.920 was doubly painful because there was a child involved too, Right, Yeah, 0:06:58.200 --> 0:07:01.960 that's really tough. I'm it's like, I'm very weird to 0:07:01.960 --> 0:07:03.800 say because we just met. I'm proud of you for 0:07:03.880 --> 0:07:06.320 being so. I know that's a weird thing to say, 0:07:06.360 --> 0:07:07.920 but you can just tell how open you are about 0:07:07.960 --> 0:07:11.600 your relationships and your past and trying to really for 0:07:11.640 --> 0:07:14.040 our listeners give them advice about well, this is what 0:07:14.080 --> 0:07:15.680 I went through and hopefully this helps you in some way. 0:07:15.760 --> 0:07:17.480 That's really cool. And this book is this book is 0:07:17.480 --> 0:07:20.400 gonna be entirely nonfiction, right, like experiential stuff that you 0:07:20.440 --> 0:07:22.120 went through in your year off or do you? Yeah? 0:07:22.240 --> 0:07:25.680 I mean I I covered myself a little bit. It's like, well, 0:07:25.720 --> 0:07:27.559 I'm sure you gotta change names for sake of promise 0:07:27.600 --> 0:07:30.240 and not that kind of stuff. But it's memoir. Nice memoir, Okay, 0:07:30.320 --> 0:07:33.960 very cool, very cool. And you know, to your point, Jared, 0:07:34.080 --> 0:07:39.560 I think, what what I want people who listen to 0:07:39.600 --> 0:07:42.400 me read my book understand is that we can let 0:07:42.440 --> 0:07:45.400 go of this shame. I mean, it weighed me down, 0:07:45.960 --> 0:07:48.840 It kept me in a marriage that wasn't working, and 0:07:48.920 --> 0:07:51.600 a lot of it was I was worried about how 0:07:51.720 --> 0:07:56.720 other people would perceive. What would other people think? And think, 0:07:57.000 --> 0:07:59.520 how what do you mean negatively? Right? You know, it's funny, 0:07:59.560 --> 0:08:01.920 I'm at I don't know. I was in a in 0:08:01.960 --> 0:08:05.400 a bar in Toronto, UM a couple of months ago, 0:08:05.480 --> 0:08:07.440 and you know, this guy is chatting me up and 0:08:07.880 --> 0:08:09.680 he's like, well, are you married? And I said no, 0:08:09.760 --> 0:08:12.760 I'm divorced, and and he says how many times? And 0:08:12.800 --> 0:08:19.720 I said twice? And he goes to time loser. But 0:08:19.800 --> 0:08:22.920 you know what, it was actually a big moment for 0:08:22.960 --> 0:08:26.200 me because I realized that's what I had been fearing 0:08:27.200 --> 0:08:32.120 for years, the judgment, the judgment, and and the other 0:08:32.160 --> 0:08:35.280 thing that happened to me is I had a health 0:08:35.320 --> 0:08:39.120 crisis in my early forties and I started to realize that, 0:08:39.200 --> 0:08:41.959 you know, my time here could be really short. And 0:08:42.240 --> 0:08:47.280 do we want to make major life decisions about love, happiness, 0:08:47.360 --> 0:08:50.600 who we are based on what other people might think 0:08:50.640 --> 0:08:53.880 of us? And I realized that the that the person 0:08:54.000 --> 0:08:57.719 whose opinion matters the most is my own and I 0:08:57.760 --> 0:09:01.520 had lost my own self first backt oh, I can 0:09:01.559 --> 0:09:04.280 totally empathize with that, and I think for Deem myself, 0:09:04.360 --> 0:09:09.080 Vanessa um for us, I think sometimes we cater to 0:09:09.840 --> 0:09:13.000 social media, at least I do sometimes because I read 0:09:13.040 --> 0:09:15.840 comments and they really bug me. And then I realized 0:09:15.840 --> 0:09:19.600 that sometimes I do things to make sure I don't 0:09:19.600 --> 0:09:21.640 get bad comments, if that makes any sense. Well, I 0:09:21.679 --> 0:09:23.200 think you made a point earlier to when you said 0:09:23.200 --> 0:09:25.720 you were your approach of the opportunity to go on 0:09:25.800 --> 0:09:27.760 Bit Australia, and you're like, I hate the fact that 0:09:28.040 --> 0:09:29.680 the thing that's stopping me from going on that show 0:09:29.760 --> 0:09:32.560 must most is the criticism that I could potentially received 0:09:32.559 --> 0:09:36.120 from others. And so so Holly tears your point then 0:09:36.480 --> 0:09:37.960 for the listeners, because I feel like we do get 0:09:37.960 --> 0:09:40.360 a lot of listener feedback of people that have gone 0:09:40.360 --> 0:09:42.559 through a breakup and that are, you know, struggling to 0:09:42.559 --> 0:09:44.360 get back on the horse and kind of go through 0:09:44.400 --> 0:09:46.640 that whole um struggle. What do you kind of what 0:09:46.679 --> 0:09:48.520 kind of advice would you have for them to you know, 0:09:49.080 --> 0:09:51.680 I guess look past the potential judgment from our peers 0:09:51.760 --> 0:09:53.319 or whatever it might be, and I guess kind of 0:09:53.320 --> 0:09:55.480 allow yourself to to get back out there because it's challenging, 0:09:55.480 --> 0:09:57.480 whether it's a divorce, a break up a boyfriend, whatever 0:09:57.520 --> 0:10:00.120 it is, you know, right, And I think you know, 0:10:00.280 --> 0:10:05.000 there's no shame in trying to find love and not 0:10:05.120 --> 0:10:12.600 getting it right however, right, I mean, it's it's it's 0:10:12.840 --> 0:10:16.240 uh courageous to keep trying and to keep opening our 0:10:16.280 --> 0:10:18.960 hearts even though we might have scar tissue, you know. 0:10:19.240 --> 0:10:21.720 And the other thing that I learned on these hundred 0:10:21.760 --> 0:10:26.640 dates is is that it's not just about going out 0:10:26.679 --> 0:10:30.160 and trying to meet a guy, you know, It's about 0:10:30.679 --> 0:10:35.199 putting yourself out into the world, into the community. Um. 0:10:35.240 --> 0:10:36.880 One of the things I did in my book, as 0:10:36.920 --> 0:10:39.080 I told myself, I was never when I didn't have 0:10:39.160 --> 0:10:41.400 my daughter, I was never allowed to eat home alone. Right, 0:10:41.400 --> 0:10:43.760 I had to keep putting myself out there. So I would, 0:10:44.120 --> 0:10:46.319 you know, go out and I would eat by myself, 0:10:46.800 --> 0:10:49.720 and I would meet men, and I would meet women, 0:10:50.320 --> 0:10:53.880 and I made new friends and it totally opened up 0:10:54.000 --> 0:10:58.440 my world. Um. That that the decision to not stay home, 0:10:58.520 --> 0:11:02.280 not feel sorry for myself, and to actively bring new 0:11:02.360 --> 0:11:06.840 good people into my life has completely transformed. Have you 0:11:06.880 --> 0:11:09.040 always been like that? Because I remember reading as a 0:11:09.080 --> 0:11:11.439 young age you went you bought a one way ticket 0:11:11.480 --> 0:11:14.040 to tell Aviv and was like I'm soul searching right now. 0:11:14.080 --> 0:11:15.840 This is what I'm going to do. I'm traveling by myself, 0:11:15.880 --> 0:11:17.960 which is what Dean just did as well. Yeah, but 0:11:18.040 --> 0:11:20.640 you know what ended up happening was I, you know, 0:11:20.840 --> 0:11:23.120 so like like all of us, so many of us, 0:11:23.200 --> 0:11:27.920 I so badly wanted the traditional marriage and family. And 0:11:28.000 --> 0:11:31.880 so when I in both of my marriages, I completely 0:11:31.920 --> 0:11:34.680 gave myself over to the marriage, and I, you know it, 0:11:34.760 --> 0:11:38.320 became a wife, you know, a partner. But I realized 0:11:38.320 --> 0:11:40.880 that in the process I had ended up starting to 0:11:40.920 --> 0:11:44.839 give up some of my own identity. And and so 0:11:45.400 --> 0:11:48.120 while it was incredibly painful for me to end up 0:11:48.160 --> 0:11:51.520 being divorced twice, I see now looking back on it 0:11:51.640 --> 0:11:55.000 five six years later, that had I not gotten divorced, 0:11:55.040 --> 0:11:57.640 I would not be who I was meant to be. 0:11:57.880 --> 0:12:02.040 I am a stronger, more full developed version of who 0:12:02.120 --> 0:12:05.400 I am as a human being now, and had I 0:12:05.440 --> 0:12:07.640 stayed married, I don't know if I would be who 0:12:07.679 --> 0:12:09.599 I am now. Right. I think it's it's easy to 0:12:10.480 --> 0:12:14.400 kind of allow your own identity to not necessarily fade away, 0:12:14.440 --> 0:12:19.080 But when you're focusing so much on the relationship to marriage, 0:12:19.080 --> 0:12:20.280 whatever it is you do kind of lose sight of 0:12:20.280 --> 0:12:21.599 yourself for better for worse. I think a lot of 0:12:21.640 --> 0:12:23.800 people can get married and be perfectly okay with that 0:12:23.880 --> 0:12:26.600 of losing kind of that bit of individuality if they 0:12:26.600 --> 0:12:30.360 feel as a as a person before the relationship, right. Um. 0:12:30.440 --> 0:12:32.200 Some some couples do it better where they both kind 0:12:32.240 --> 0:12:34.840 of keep that individuality, and some do it where they 0:12:34.880 --> 0:12:37.640 prioritize the relationship. And I think there's definitely definitely different 0:12:37.679 --> 0:12:39.920 ways of doing it. Um. But if you go out 0:12:39.960 --> 0:12:42.240 and if you soul search, like you said, you traveled alone, 0:12:42.559 --> 0:12:44.400 I think that in and of itself kind of shows 0:12:44.480 --> 0:12:48.120 that you, I guess, care enough about you as an 0:12:48.120 --> 0:12:49.760 individual that you don't want to lose sight of that, 0:12:49.760 --> 0:12:52.720 which is great, right. I mean, in the end, don't 0:12:52.760 --> 0:12:57.560 we isn't a good relationship about two whole people coming together? Right? 0:12:57.960 --> 0:13:00.240 When I for my entire life out the exact same thing, 0:13:00.240 --> 0:13:02.920 where it's you should go living your life about the 0:13:02.920 --> 0:13:05.320 way that you decide and plan on living it, and 0:13:05.360 --> 0:13:07.800 eventually someone's gonna come in that's gonna complement that and 0:13:07.840 --> 0:13:09.800 not necessarily going to make you do anything differently. Right. 0:13:09.840 --> 0:13:11.800 So it's like this like utopian idea where I'm just 0:13:11.840 --> 0:13:13.320 gonna do everything that I want to do when I 0:13:13.320 --> 0:13:14.800 want to do it, and then someone's gonna come in 0:13:14.800 --> 0:13:17.800 and we're both gonna be doing our things together but separately, 0:13:17.800 --> 0:13:20.719 you know exactly, And and you know, we can make 0:13:20.760 --> 0:13:23.520 ourselves crazy about you know, is this right or wrong? 0:13:23.559 --> 0:13:26.800 But in the end you will know if it works, 0:13:26.960 --> 0:13:29.640 if that relationship works, it's just gonna feel natural and 0:13:29.960 --> 0:13:31.880 you're not going to have to grind gears too much 0:13:31.960 --> 0:13:33.240 on it. Yeah, we had a guess on a couple 0:13:33.240 --> 0:13:35.680 of weeks ago who said a relationship is in fifty 0:13:35.800 --> 0:13:40.000 it's on, and that people need to bring in one 0:13:40.679 --> 0:13:44.240 of themselves into the relationship and it shouldn't be of themselves, 0:13:44.280 --> 0:13:45.840 and then they keep fifty percent out like you need 0:13:45.880 --> 0:13:49.240 to bring yourself entirely in your individuality, you know, your 0:13:49.480 --> 0:13:52.640 good parts, your bad parts, all of those things. Um So, 0:13:52.720 --> 0:13:54.800 I mean obviously this begs the question, Holly, are are 0:13:54.840 --> 0:13:56.920 you dating? Are you single? What's going on with you? 0:13:57.240 --> 0:14:00.400 What's the status? Okay, so the status is it's early days. 0:14:00.800 --> 0:14:04.720 Um Met a really wonderful guy. I've only been dating 0:14:04.760 --> 0:14:08.880 him for a month. He is kind of freaked out 0:14:08.920 --> 0:14:13.600 about what it consiminating for sure. He said, I feel 0:14:13.640 --> 0:14:18.439 like I'm dating Carrie Bradshaw. That's amazing. And he said, 0:14:18.679 --> 0:14:22.400 so is he more eighten or big? He's his own guy. 0:14:23.320 --> 0:14:25.840 That's the best answer. You know, he really is one 0:14:25.880 --> 0:14:28.360 of a kind. And so he asked me not to 0:14:28.400 --> 0:14:30.960 talk about us. So he said, a very firm boundary, 0:14:31.000 --> 0:14:33.720 and I'm going to respect it because he's worth it. Right, 0:14:33.800 --> 0:14:36.840 that's amazing to hear. Great and necessary, I feel like, 0:14:36.920 --> 0:14:41.040 especially when I think in a relationship where one party 0:14:41.080 --> 0:14:43.200 has a voice publicly and the other maybe is not 0:14:43.280 --> 0:14:46.080 necessarily interest or doesn't have it, it's very important to 0:14:46.200 --> 0:14:47.920 those boundaries, I feel like too. Yeah, especially if you 0:14:48.040 --> 0:14:50.120 cherish and value the relationship. It's great that you guys 0:14:50.120 --> 0:14:52.480 were able to kind of figure that out beforehand, right 0:14:52.840 --> 0:14:56.520 it is? And and what's you know what's nice? You know? 0:14:56.560 --> 0:14:59.480 The positive about dating in your forties and into your 0:14:59.520 --> 0:15:03.640 fifties is hopefully by this time, you know you know 0:15:03.720 --> 0:15:06.800 who you are, Like, you know the guy I'm dating, 0:15:06.840 --> 0:15:08.360 he knows who he is, and he knows what he 0:15:08.440 --> 0:15:12.720 wants and and he's strong in him in his convictions. Um, 0:15:12.800 --> 0:15:16.400 I think another thing that's really interesting about where I'm 0:15:16.440 --> 0:15:19.480 at in my life versus where you guys are is 0:15:19.520 --> 0:15:24.680 that I've had my babies, right, you know, biology sets 0:15:24.720 --> 0:15:29.240 us up. So the partners that you know, Vanessa, you 0:15:29.400 --> 0:15:32.240 and you both are looking for are potentially you know, 0:15:32.280 --> 0:15:35.800 the mother and fathers of your children. And you know, 0:15:36.320 --> 0:15:38.960 now here I am twenty years later, I've had my babies. 0:15:39.320 --> 0:15:44.480 The partner that I'm looking for is very different. Actually, Um, 0:15:44.480 --> 0:15:47.720 it's it's the man or the woman to spend the 0:15:47.760 --> 0:15:49.520 second half of your life with, and it may be 0:15:49.760 --> 0:15:53.200 very different than who you might choose to to raise 0:15:53.240 --> 0:15:55.280 a family with. That's an interesting point you make too, 0:15:55.320 --> 0:15:57.920 And it's very evident. I feel like, because I'm in 0:15:57.960 --> 0:16:01.600 my late twenties now, I would ta late twenty is right. Yeah, 0:16:01.760 --> 0:16:06.760 And you can see how women maybe in their thirties 0:16:06.840 --> 0:16:08.680 or so. I know. Vaness actually spoken on this a 0:16:08.680 --> 0:16:10.880 couple of times. Is you know, it's kind of unfair 0:16:10.920 --> 0:16:12.680 because there's a biological clock that you have to take 0:16:12.680 --> 0:16:15.640 into account when you're considering relationships. Um, but I guess 0:16:15.640 --> 0:16:19.840 once that clock has expired because you've already gotten you know, 0:16:19.880 --> 0:16:22.520 you have a daughter. You said, yes, which is fantastic. 0:16:23.880 --> 0:16:27.480 Oh we don't have to we call her David David everyone. 0:16:28.640 --> 0:16:30.160 You know what in the book, her name is easy. 0:16:30.440 --> 0:16:34.240 We call her after the Pokemon, Right, I was like 0:16:34.280 --> 0:16:39.680 an easy um. But once once that's fulfilled and you 0:16:40.160 --> 0:16:42.320 don't necessarily have that as a requirement for a relationship, 0:16:42.400 --> 0:16:45.400 It's interesting to see how that could evolve the suitors 0:16:45.400 --> 0:16:47.320 that you're then looking for from that point forward. So yeah, 0:16:47.360 --> 0:16:51.080 and you know, that's that's what I ended up doing 0:16:51.120 --> 0:16:54.360 when I started dating again. As I thought, you know, 0:16:54.480 --> 0:16:57.760 I'm going to just rid my mind of any pre 0:16:58.200 --> 0:17:01.600 preconceived idea of who I should be dating, you know, 0:17:01.640 --> 0:17:05.080 based on age, race, income, all of that. Right, you 0:17:05.119 --> 0:17:07.600 know who I should be dating just see who I 0:17:07.640 --> 0:17:10.880 connect with. I think that's evident by the forty year 0:17:11.080 --> 0:17:13.880 gap between the West Coast boyfriend and these ghost boyfriends, 0:17:15.400 --> 0:17:19.800 which is fantastic. Highly recommend dating fireman, I really do. 0:17:20.800 --> 0:17:23.520 Why is that? Wow? They're just in good shape, all right. 0:17:23.720 --> 0:17:27.000 I guess I gotta find me a fireman. That's so Holly, 0:17:27.080 --> 0:17:28.440 Just say, if you could give one piece of advice 0:17:28.480 --> 0:17:30.080 to all the listeners out there who might be going 0:17:30.080 --> 0:17:34.159 through similar things with you, whether it be breakups, divorces, 0:17:34.240 --> 0:17:36.280 kind of trying to get themselves back on their feet. 0:17:36.280 --> 0:17:39.320 What would your best advice be, Put yourself out there, 0:17:39.480 --> 0:17:41.840 And it doesn't have to be online. It just means 0:17:41.960 --> 0:17:46.360 leaving the house and get out into your community, eat 0:17:46.400 --> 0:17:49.199 dinner once a week by yourself, get off your phone, 0:17:49.760 --> 0:17:51.840 look up and talk to people. That's I think that's 0:17:51.840 --> 0:17:53.919 the biggest challenge I could. I can empathize with that 0:17:53.960 --> 0:17:56.040 being difficult because I just love sitting on my couch 0:17:56.400 --> 0:17:58.320 and not doing That's all I do is on the 0:17:58.359 --> 0:18:04.680 couch each chip and right right right, I say that 0:18:04.720 --> 0:18:07.720 to my my girlfriends. I mean, unless there's a home invasion, 0:18:07.840 --> 0:18:10.479 you're not going to meet anybody right now, You're right. 0:18:10.480 --> 0:18:13.119 And it's increasingly more difficult to leave the oals because 0:18:13.160 --> 0:18:15.880 there's just so many options and distractions, Like why would 0:18:15.920 --> 0:18:17.520 I ever want to leave the couch when everything I 0:18:17.600 --> 0:18:19.520 want is right there? And I mean there's something to 0:18:19.560 --> 0:18:20.960 be said about internet dating that you can do that 0:18:21.000 --> 0:18:22.760 from home as well. But I know you said you 0:18:22.800 --> 0:18:25.719 are an advocate for that, right internet dating. I am, yes, 0:18:25.840 --> 0:18:30.080 I am, um. I mean I've met wonderful people you know, 0:18:30.200 --> 0:18:35.000 online real life and also set ups. Um, I am. 0:18:35.040 --> 0:18:38.000 I am sort of finding that the best people I 0:18:38.040 --> 0:18:40.119 meet or or when somebody says, hey, I have a 0:18:40.160 --> 0:18:42.760 great friend I want you to meet, and or just 0:18:42.800 --> 0:18:44.840 someone you meet in real life, as you were saying, 0:18:44.840 --> 0:18:47.359 when you're out there just doing your and then you 0:18:47.560 --> 0:18:50.960 connect with like minded people. There's a there's a short 0:18:51.000 --> 0:18:53.440 story written by bj Novak, who is an executive producer 0:18:53.440 --> 0:18:55.920 on the Office, my all time favorite show, uh the 0:18:55.920 --> 0:18:57.760 books called One More Thing. I don't know if I 0:18:57.800 --> 0:18:59.320 ever talked about this on the podcast, but a collection 0:18:59.359 --> 0:19:01.520 of short stories and j Novac is hilarious. He's a genius. 0:19:01.800 --> 0:19:04.440 He writes a story where if and when he's ready 0:19:04.440 --> 0:19:06.679 to fall in love with someone, that he's going to 0:19:06.720 --> 0:19:09.159 wear a red, bright red shirt wherever he goes, and 0:19:09.160 --> 0:19:11.760 then he's just gonna do everything he would do regularly, 0:19:11.800 --> 0:19:13.080 like not have to worry about anything else. At the 0:19:13.119 --> 0:19:15.280 end of every single day, he would go on Craigslist 0:19:15.280 --> 0:19:18.600 miss missed Connections and just type in red shirt, and 0:19:18.640 --> 0:19:21.000 then he would see what everyone is saying about him 0:19:21.000 --> 0:19:22.520 wearing the red shirt, and he knows that that person 0:19:22.520 --> 0:19:24.679 would then fall for him for being exactly who he 0:19:24.800 --> 0:19:26.840 is at any given moment. You know what I mean? Wait, 0:19:26.840 --> 0:19:28.439 would you ever meet up with his miss connections? Well, 0:19:28.440 --> 0:19:31.120 it's like a it's a fictional short story, but it's 0:19:31.119 --> 0:19:32.440 just like a funny thing to do. It's like because 0:19:32.440 --> 0:19:33.440 you just go out and live your life, to you 0:19:33.480 --> 0:19:35.120 what you're gonna do, and then like you see, if 0:19:35.320 --> 0:19:38.520 if it draws anyone into you, then that's the person 0:19:38.560 --> 0:19:39.840 that could potentional to be the one that's for you. 0:19:39.920 --> 0:19:42.360 It's just like it's a funny, I don't know, ironic 0:19:42.359 --> 0:19:46.280 way to meet someone you know. Isn't red like completely 0:19:46.280 --> 0:19:51.040 symbolic of love? And actually actually say, I think psychologically, 0:19:51.080 --> 0:19:54.680 if you're wearing red, you're actually more attractive to the opposite. Really, Yeah, 0:19:54.760 --> 0:19:56.000 I don't know where I got that from, but I 0:19:56.840 --> 0:20:00.320 think I could just be making it somewhere. D Nobody 0:20:00.400 --> 0:20:03.320 is wearing red in this Red is my least favorite color, 0:20:03.320 --> 0:20:05.800 and I don't think I've ever worn red. Yeah, really, 0:20:05.840 --> 0:20:07.879 you've never seen in red. It's just it's not my color. 0:20:07.960 --> 0:20:11.120 I see a lot of grays, blues, and yeah, maybe 0:20:11.119 --> 0:20:16.520 occasionally green camels of cameras. So, Holly, what are you 0:20:16.600 --> 0:20:20.040 up to now? So I've actually begun work in my 0:20:20.119 --> 0:20:22.919 second book. Um, and what was the name of your 0:20:22.920 --> 0:20:25.080 first book? I'm sorry it's called would it kill you 0:20:25.119 --> 0:20:28.399 to put on some lipsticks a year in a hundred dates. 0:20:28.840 --> 0:20:32.440 So that's my first baby, and I want to get 0:20:32.480 --> 0:20:35.399 that book out into the world starting the fall. For 0:20:35.440 --> 0:20:37.440 the listeners doing math at home, that's one day every 0:20:37.480 --> 0:20:41.000 three point six five days. That's a lot of dates. 0:20:41.359 --> 0:20:43.000 That's it's two days a week. And you don't even 0:20:43.040 --> 0:20:44.960 have a calculator from you just do that math in 0:20:44.960 --> 0:20:48.359 your head. It's kind of impressive, it really is, UM 0:20:48.440 --> 0:20:51.399 and so and so. Then what happened is I started 0:20:51.440 --> 0:20:55.960 to think about, um, you know where I'm Where am 0:20:55.960 --> 0:20:58.159 I now at this point in my life. I'm comfortable 0:20:58.480 --> 0:21:01.920 with being single, I'm still been to finding love and 0:21:02.200 --> 0:21:06.199 on the heels of another breakup. I find myself in 0:21:06.240 --> 0:21:11.120 December of just this last year, I have three weeks 0:21:11.359 --> 0:21:15.320 um and I'm alone, and I just I tell myself 0:21:15.359 --> 0:21:17.879 and I sort of last minute, I'm spending Christmas the 0:21:17.920 --> 0:21:19.720 holidays by myself, and I thought, you know, I'm not 0:21:19.720 --> 0:21:21.840 going to sit here and wallow in this. I gotta 0:21:21.880 --> 0:21:24.399 do something. So I told myself, I need to go 0:21:24.440 --> 0:21:28.080 to three new places by myself that I'd never been before. 0:21:28.359 --> 0:21:30.080 And it was last minute because it was the holiday. 0:21:30.200 --> 0:21:32.800 So I my first place I booked put to me 0:21:32.920 --> 0:21:36.680 to Mexico. Second place I went to was Copenhagen for Christmas, 0:21:37.040 --> 0:21:40.719 and then the third was Lisbon for New Year's And 0:21:40.760 --> 0:21:43.880 then when I was in Copenhagen, I got a bonus 0:21:43.920 --> 0:21:47.160 country in because my writer friend said, you just got 0:21:47.160 --> 0:21:50.359 to take the train over to Malmo, Sweden. You can 0:21:50.400 --> 0:21:52.800 get a train across the water. And she said, my 0:21:52.880 --> 0:21:58.159 brother is a mime. You need to me. Yeah. So 0:22:00.800 --> 0:22:03.479 he's actually very very cool. And so my book, I 0:22:03.480 --> 0:22:05.760 think the title is going to be called Drinking with Mimes, 0:22:07.800 --> 0:22:11.200 so and and and so that that whole trip ended 0:22:11.280 --> 0:22:16.720 up becoming the most crazy adventure, and it I came home, 0:22:17.840 --> 0:22:21.520 I mean, just a different person in a way. I mean, 0:22:21.560 --> 0:22:23.520 both of you guys can answer this. What is traveling 0:22:23.560 --> 0:22:25.880 alone for an extended period of time and new places 0:22:25.880 --> 0:22:28.400 that you've never been do for your character, for your 0:22:28.840 --> 0:22:31.560 for your soul so to speak. Okay, So, so one 0:22:31.560 --> 0:22:34.320 of the things I've noticed traveling by myself as a 0:22:34.359 --> 0:22:37.879 woman is yeah, I'm vulnerable. I have to pay attention 0:22:37.920 --> 0:22:41.760 to safety, but I'm also more approachable and and so 0:22:41.920 --> 0:22:45.000 I tend to meet wonderful people. So when I'm right, 0:22:45.119 --> 0:22:47.160 when I'm traveling. When i'm you know, in this book, 0:22:47.160 --> 0:22:49.600 I'm looking for new stories from the people that I meet, 0:22:49.600 --> 0:22:52.440 and I'm hoping maybe there's a little romance or someone 0:22:52.480 --> 0:22:56.960 I'm going to meet. And and what happens is if 0:22:57.000 --> 0:23:01.040 you if you trust your intuition and just keep yourself open, 0:23:01.520 --> 0:23:05.480 wonderful things will happen. Um. You know, when I showed 0:23:05.560 --> 0:23:08.640 up in Lisbon for New Year's this year, I had 0:23:08.680 --> 0:23:11.600 no plans. I didn't know what I was going to do, 0:23:12.400 --> 0:23:15.440 and I was wandering around the city by myself, and 0:23:15.520 --> 0:23:19.159 I see this small palace and I think, oh, this 0:23:19.200 --> 0:23:22.120 looks interesting. And I wander in and see that it's 0:23:22.160 --> 0:23:25.920 actually been turned in brand new, turned into a um, 0:23:26.040 --> 0:23:27.840 someone has just turned it into a hotel and there's 0:23:27.840 --> 0:23:30.919 a restaurant, and so I decide I'm going to go 0:23:30.960 --> 0:23:35.200 there tonight by myself. So I go there and UM, 0:23:35.240 --> 0:23:38.520 I'm meeting alone and everyone's sort of staring at me 0:23:38.600 --> 0:23:41.560 like I'm some kind of free and and the wait 0:23:41.680 --> 0:23:44.080 staff comes over and says, you know you're you're alone. 0:23:44.200 --> 0:23:46.879 I really think you should meet the owner of the hotel. 0:23:48.320 --> 0:23:53.800 So incomes a man. He's he's probably six ft seven, 0:23:54.320 --> 0:23:59.200 wearing a long, black, custom made cape, so not as 0:23:59.200 --> 0:24:02.639 tall as Dean and my saw yeah, and he's playing 0:24:02.680 --> 0:24:05.640 for the other team. He's but he takes me under 0:24:05.640 --> 0:24:07.359 his wing and he says, I want to take you. 0:24:12.760 --> 0:24:15.600 Just wanted to clarify no, and he's and he has this. 0:24:15.880 --> 0:24:19.320 It turns out the palace has the second highest best 0:24:19.400 --> 0:24:23.480 view of Portugal or sorry, off Lisbon. So we go 0:24:23.640 --> 0:24:26.240 up there, we drink port and we have grand old time. 0:24:26.280 --> 0:24:28.080 We tell each other our life stories. And he says, 0:24:28.119 --> 0:24:31.280 I'm having a New Year's Eve party tomorrow night, and 0:24:31.320 --> 0:24:34.160 I would like you to come as my guest. And 0:24:35.000 --> 0:24:37.960 that's a whole other story. I met all over the world. 0:24:38.480 --> 0:24:42.399 I had my New Year's Eve was you know, church 0:24:42.480 --> 0:24:46.520 bells ringing all across Lisbon, fireworks for as far as 0:24:46.520 --> 0:24:51.080 the eye can see, and new people. And I realized 0:24:51.160 --> 0:24:54.119 that by doing this, by putting myself out there, trusting 0:24:54.200 --> 0:24:57.280 my intuition and taking a risk, look at how wonderful 0:24:57.320 --> 0:24:59.639 my life can be. Oh absolutely, I mean listen, if 0:24:59.640 --> 0:25:03.680 it's socially acceptable to wear a cape, and you would 0:25:03.720 --> 0:25:07.080 be the first walk around with Holly. Thank you so 0:25:07.160 --> 0:25:09.919 much for joining us. This was wonderful. Everybody, you can 0:25:09.960 --> 0:25:13.240 go find Holly at Holly Martin dot com. Can you 0:25:13.240 --> 0:25:14.840 tell us well else people can find you a little 0:25:14.840 --> 0:25:16.960 bit about your website. Yes, so Holly Martin dot com 0:25:17.040 --> 0:25:19.960 and Martin is spelled m A R T y N 0:25:20.760 --> 0:25:26.440 and um social media. I'm at Holly L. Martin? What's 0:25:26.840 --> 0:25:29.080 what's the hell are you? I always asked names? So 0:25:29.119 --> 0:25:36.760 curious David's love finding out more names. I don't know why, Holly. Well, 0:25:36.760 --> 0:25:39.000 thank you so much for joining us. Book comes out 0:25:39.040 --> 0:25:41.399 you said later this year. Yet, well we're hoping to 0:25:41.440 --> 0:25:45.000 announce this this fall. Okay, awesome, we'll just right here 0:25:45.000 --> 0:25:47.680 at help I second dating. We need someone to publish 0:25:47.680 --> 0:25:49.920 this because I want to read this book. Absolutely. What 0:25:50.320 --> 0:25:53.239 to put on some kill? You to put on some lipstick? Exactly? Um, 0:25:53.320 --> 0:25:55.160 be sure to check it out bookshelves. End of the year, 0:25:55.720 --> 0:25:58.119 Holly Martin dot com. In the meantime, we'll start go 0:25:58.160 --> 0:25:59.840 back with you later on maybe once it gets published. 0:26:00.680 --> 0:26:02.800 Plug it again. See how the second one is coming along. 0:26:02.880 --> 0:26:05.760 Thank you so much, you guys. Well that was wonderful, Holly. 0:26:05.840 --> 0:26:08.640 She was so sweet, wasn't she she was? She's she's 0:26:09.280 --> 0:26:11.679 It's not often where you meet someone and so quickly. 0:26:11.800 --> 0:26:14.240 Just want to see them win. You know. I feel 0:26:14.240 --> 0:26:16.000 like with some with someone so open and honest about 0:26:16.240 --> 0:26:18.760 the struggles and the failures that they've had in life, 0:26:19.720 --> 0:26:22.040 it's just like you just want them. What's the best 0:26:22.040 --> 0:26:24.200 for them? You know. Yeah, she's very vulnerable, and she's 0:26:24.240 --> 0:26:28.400 also bringing she brought like a warmness around it, very sweet. Um, 0:26:28.440 --> 0:26:30.879 you know what else she has from? Oh? I was 0:26:30.920 --> 0:26:33.000 gonna say, I'm not in studio, and I didn't get 0:26:33.000 --> 0:26:35.640 the chance to, like, um, have a conversation with you guys? 0:26:35.720 --> 0:26:38.080 Does my phone cut off? But I was wondering, probably 0:26:38.119 --> 0:26:41.600 the same question you're asking herself. Do you have great hair? Vanessa? 0:26:41.800 --> 0:26:44.919 She had such great hair. There's only one thing that 0:26:45.080 --> 0:26:47.800 she could possibly be using in order to get such 0:26:48.000 --> 0:26:50.439 wonderful hair like that. What do you think it is? 0:26:50.680 --> 0:26:52.360 Do you know what we're talking about? I have no idea. 0:26:52.480 --> 0:27:03.040 Can someone please tell me more? So? I was actually 0:27:03.080 --> 0:27:05.040 I'm in New York City and I was with Kayla 0:27:05.119 --> 0:27:07.159 today and I was just staring at her and I'm like, 0:27:07.240 --> 0:27:11.640 your hair it's so thick and lustus and so anyways, 0:27:11.680 --> 0:27:14.080 I'm in New York. I'm m I flew in last 0:27:14.160 --> 0:27:16.399 night and I brought with me my actual my trouble 0:27:16.520 --> 0:27:20.560 sizes of sugar Bear gummies. Um, they're so delicious, the 0:27:20.640 --> 0:27:23.040 only supposed to take to a day, but they're so irresistible. 0:27:23.240 --> 0:27:25.800 So if you can picture any celebrity with amazing hair, 0:27:26.320 --> 0:27:28.440 you can best to have a styles to clove them into. 0:27:28.440 --> 0:27:31.359 The Sugar Bear Hair Cigar Bear Hair is a bestseller 0:27:31.440 --> 0:27:34.280 on Amazon with thousands of rave reviews. I've been using 0:27:34.280 --> 0:27:37.200 it for probably now over a year. Um, I keep 0:27:37.240 --> 0:27:39.480 talking about it. I've seen the quality of my hair 0:27:39.560 --> 0:27:43.000 gets thicker, my nails. Um, they taste like sweet, delicious 0:27:43.040 --> 0:27:46.320 candy made with juice of real berries, but they contain 0:27:46.400 --> 0:27:49.080 everything you need for stronger and healthier hair. As much 0:27:49.280 --> 0:27:52.080 vitamin A as four cups of brocili, as much vitamin 0:27:52.160 --> 0:27:54.639 C as one cup of cranberries, and as much vitamin 0:27:54.680 --> 0:27:57.880 D twelve as four organic eggs. Nutrients and Bear hair 0:27:57.920 --> 0:28:01.160 fans also found their nails and skin it improves over time, 0:28:01.720 --> 0:28:04.520 and I can attest to that well. I mean it 0:28:04.560 --> 0:28:06.160 sounds like the best product in the world. I mean 0:28:06.160 --> 0:28:07.960 I know that actually used sugar Bear hair. I know 0:28:08.040 --> 0:28:10.119 Dean uses it. Because there's no possible way your hair 0:28:10.160 --> 0:28:12.320 could be so perfect without this. My favorite thing about 0:28:12.320 --> 0:28:15.480 it is it just taste delicious. It does taste pretty awesome. 0:28:15.640 --> 0:28:17.680 You definite should eat more than recommended, But I could 0:28:17.720 --> 0:28:19.880 eat those things all day long, a huge bag of them. 0:28:21.160 --> 0:28:23.479 It's only supposed to be to your day, but yes, 0:28:23.640 --> 0:28:25.520 you will only eat to a day, and we're telling 0:28:25.560 --> 0:28:26.920 you that. So all you guys have to do is 0:28:26.960 --> 0:28:29.320 go to sugar Bear Hair dot com slash help. You 0:28:29.400 --> 0:28:31.639 go there for beautiful hair and a healthier you that 0:28:31.760 --> 0:28:35.960 sugar Bear hair dot com slash help go check it out, guys. 0:28:36.400 --> 0:28:39.080 Now moving on to the question that we all have 0:28:39.200 --> 0:28:42.080 on our minds, Dean, you've been away for so long? 0:28:42.200 --> 0:28:44.720 Are you still single? Did you meet the love of 0:28:44.760 --> 0:28:47.640 your life? You ever? Traveling? Was that on everyone's mind? Well? 0:28:47.680 --> 0:28:50.080 I was thinking, because I was. I was thinking to myself. 0:28:50.520 --> 0:28:52.680 You know, you've been away for a while, you've been traveling. 0:28:52.760 --> 0:28:54.960 I wonder what his dating life has been like and 0:28:55.280 --> 0:28:58.840 if you if you met the one internationally? You guys, 0:28:58.880 --> 0:29:02.360 I'm engaged to be married. Yeah, for real, I met 0:29:02.360 --> 0:29:09.440 a girl. Uh No, I don't know. It's I think 0:29:09.480 --> 0:29:11.720 traveling alone. I'm not really one that goes out to 0:29:12.120 --> 0:29:14.400 drinks by myself. So it's so funny because Holly was 0:29:14.400 --> 0:29:15.800 here and she's like, just get off the couch, go 0:29:15.840 --> 0:29:18.440 outside and like do stuff and meet people. And I'm like, yeah, 0:29:18.480 --> 0:29:21.120 that's great, But I like spent the entire days like exploring, 0:29:21.160 --> 0:29:23.800 walking around, like doing activities that I wanted to do. 0:29:24.680 --> 0:29:27.080 You've met interesting people along the way, people that I 0:29:27.080 --> 0:29:30.360 guess you were, Um, I mean I did, but it 0:29:30.400 --> 0:29:33.120 wasn't it wasn't my like, it wasn't my objective to 0:29:33.440 --> 0:29:36.240 meet a person while I was traveling to date, and 0:29:36.240 --> 0:29:39.200 I only exactly, I only spent like three to four 0:29:39.280 --> 0:29:41.440 days max in each country that I visited, so I 0:29:41.520 --> 0:29:43.600 was moving around very like a lot. And so it's 0:29:43.600 --> 0:29:45.080 like like if I was maybe in a place for 0:29:45.120 --> 0:29:46.960 a week or two weeks, then you kind of like 0:29:46.960 --> 0:29:49.040 familiarize yourself a little bit more, you know, and you 0:29:49.080 --> 0:29:51.440 kind of have the ability to go potentially meet someone. 0:29:51.840 --> 0:29:53.640 But again, it wasn't really that high on my list. 0:29:53.640 --> 0:29:57.360 There were moments where, like when I went to Indonesia 0:29:57.760 --> 0:30:01.080 and Greece and Amsterdam, I met up with some of 0:30:01.080 --> 0:30:04.320 my friends from Los Angeles and their their mindsets were 0:30:04.400 --> 0:30:07.480 so much different than mine. It was like in Greece, 0:30:07.720 --> 0:30:10.080 for instance, it was me and three my buddies and 0:30:10.120 --> 0:30:12.200 they were just like, let's go out and party and 0:30:12.280 --> 0:30:14.480 like try and talk to girls. And I'm just like, 0:30:14.520 --> 0:30:16.520 I really do not want to be doing that, but 0:30:17.480 --> 0:30:19.400 like obviously I did, like I went out with I 0:30:20.080 --> 0:30:23.960 don't want to go I'll see at the club exactly, 0:30:24.560 --> 0:30:26.600 and it was fun. It's just like it wasn't necessarily 0:30:26.640 --> 0:30:28.360 maybe what I would be doing. That's kind of the 0:30:28.360 --> 0:30:30.440 funny thing that that I realized on this trip is 0:30:30.480 --> 0:30:34.120 I have too very prominent but very conflicting ideas that 0:30:34.520 --> 0:30:36.400 I always want to make the people around me happy 0:30:36.400 --> 0:30:37.960 and like do what they want to do. So like 0:30:37.960 --> 0:30:39.280 someone like let's go to the club, I'm like, all right, 0:30:39.360 --> 0:30:41.040 let's do it. But then on the other hand, I'm 0:30:41.040 --> 0:30:42.600 always like I just want to do what I want 0:30:42.640 --> 0:30:44.320 when I want to do it. And so it's like 0:30:44.320 --> 0:30:47.360 these two things that are like so conflicting but so 0:30:47.520 --> 0:30:49.840 like me. I guess it's nice sometimes to get out 0:30:49.840 --> 0:30:51.560 of your comfort zone and do things that you're not 0:30:51.680 --> 0:30:54.280 used to doing, you know, I know I fully agree, 0:30:54.280 --> 0:30:55.800 but I feel like one of those things are let's 0:30:55.800 --> 0:30:58.360 go to the bar and get hammered. It's just like, Okay, 0:30:58.360 --> 0:31:00.320 we've done that a thousand times before. It is that 0:31:00.360 --> 0:31:02.160 really outside my comfort zone? If I've done it a 0:31:02.240 --> 0:31:04.360 million times? And I mean that's fine, Like it's it's 0:31:04.400 --> 0:31:06.440 fun and like I enjoy I enjoy spending time with 0:31:06.440 --> 0:31:10.120 my friends and acting like morons, um like I've got 0:31:10.120 --> 0:31:12.200 some do that enough of the podcast? Do you really 0:31:12.240 --> 0:31:14.960 need to go out? And especially when you add alcohol 0:31:14.960 --> 0:31:17.560 into the equation, like I'm I'm enough of an idiot sober, 0:31:17.920 --> 0:31:19.280 and then you get me drunk, I just become an 0:31:19.320 --> 0:31:21.680 even bigger idiot. Do you walk up to a lot 0:31:21.680 --> 0:31:23.480 of girls when you're drunk? Do you like approach a 0:31:23.480 --> 0:31:25.360 lot of you know, that's a good question. I don't 0:31:25.360 --> 0:31:29.040 think I do. I'm so cure black out half that 0:31:29.080 --> 0:31:32.800 I black out. I just uh huh. You are? You 0:31:32.800 --> 0:31:36.520 are friendlier when you're I mean you're friendly period, but 0:31:37.360 --> 0:31:40.719 you're friendlier when you're a little bit more toxic. I'm 0:31:40.760 --> 0:31:43.760 a very affectionate person and that definitely shines through after 0:31:43.800 --> 0:31:46.480 a couple of drinks. I used to be more scared 0:31:46.520 --> 0:31:49.240 to approach a girl when I was drunk. Why then 0:31:49.280 --> 0:31:51.600 I was sober because I was because I was to 0:31:51.640 --> 0:31:53.840 the point where I was drunk, but I was still 0:31:53.880 --> 0:31:56.680 self aware, so I knew that there's potential I could 0:31:56.680 --> 0:32:00.440 be slurring my words or being or not speaking as 0:32:00.480 --> 0:32:02.959 intelligently as I want to because I'm three or four 0:32:03.040 --> 0:32:06.320 drinks a little inebriated, exactly. There was a back to 0:32:06.320 --> 0:32:08.320 the to the earlier point. There was a girl I 0:32:08.320 --> 0:32:11.960 met up with in Japan. She like deemed me um, 0:32:12.080 --> 0:32:14.360 and she was like, hey, like, I'm from Aspen, I 0:32:14.400 --> 0:32:16.120 live in Japan now. And I was like, oh, this 0:32:16.160 --> 0:32:17.840 girl's from the same town as me, and she's in 0:32:17.920 --> 0:32:19.760 Japan like a local. So like I met up with 0:32:19.800 --> 0:32:24.080 her and her mother like she just like where I 0:32:24.120 --> 0:32:27.800 can't hear as I'm sorry. It's very it's very nice 0:32:27.840 --> 0:32:29.520 to get a local perspective of the city that you've 0:32:29.520 --> 0:32:31.480 never been to before. So there were a couple instances 0:32:31.480 --> 0:32:32.840 where I was like, okay, like yeah, I'd love to 0:32:33.360 --> 0:32:35.320 have you showed me around, like what good restaurants whatever 0:32:35.320 --> 0:32:37.400 it is um. And It's funny because Japan was the 0:32:37.400 --> 0:32:39.000 first top of my trip, and then when I went 0:32:39.040 --> 0:32:40.880 to Indonesia and I was like fully alone again for 0:32:40.880 --> 0:32:42.880 a little bit, I was like, oh wow, like I 0:32:42.880 --> 0:32:44.880 really I like missed her, you know, like I spent 0:32:44.920 --> 0:32:47.040 like a day walking around with her and her mom, 0:32:47.480 --> 0:32:50.600 and then we like went down to like some museum together. 0:32:51.840 --> 0:32:54.400 This is a girl who randomly split into your yes, 0:32:54.560 --> 0:32:56.160 but she was she we had a lot of mutual 0:32:56.640 --> 0:32:58.320 We had a lot of mutual friends, and she was 0:32:58.360 --> 0:33:00.120 from the same town as me growing up, and so 0:33:00.160 --> 0:33:03.280 I felt comfortable enough with going along with that. And 0:33:03.320 --> 0:33:04.680 like we didn't like do anything, like, we didn't cast 0:33:04.680 --> 0:33:05.920 so we didn't like I don't even think we like 0:33:06.480 --> 0:33:08.120 hugged each other anything like that. But there was like 0:33:08.160 --> 0:33:10.240 a point where I was like fully alone. I was like, wow, 0:33:10.280 --> 0:33:11.960 like I really I kind of missed this girl, which 0:33:11.960 --> 0:33:13.800 is just weird. So what did you do about I mean, 0:33:13.800 --> 0:33:15.400 I didn't really do anything. I was just like, there's 0:33:15.440 --> 0:33:17.040 no reason for meeting missing here. It's like I just 0:33:17.040 --> 0:33:19.360 think I just am lonely right now. And that's like 0:33:19.400 --> 0:33:22.080 the last genuine human interaction that I had. So that's 0:33:22.120 --> 0:33:23.920 kind of what I was like remembering. You know. Interesting. 0:33:23.960 --> 0:33:26.040 So where was so you traveled? I mean, can you 0:33:26.080 --> 0:33:29.000 give just like a short little explanation where you actually went. Yeah, 0:33:29.000 --> 0:33:30.840 I went l A to Japan and then Japan, I 0:33:30.840 --> 0:33:41.080 went to Tokyo, Kyoto, Hiroshima, and then Indonesia, and then Malaysia, Singapore, Greece, Paris, Amsterdam, Ireland, Iceland, 0:33:41.200 --> 0:33:43.560 New York, and then I landed in Los Angeles last end. 0:33:43.560 --> 0:33:46.720 At eleven. People literally traveled around the world and that 0:33:46.760 --> 0:33:48.280 was the thing too. I like, yeah, so I bought 0:33:48.360 --> 0:33:50.800 one of my tickets in Japan, and then I had 0:33:50.800 --> 0:33:53.600 friends in Indonesia, like I said yeah, and then I 0:33:53.680 --> 0:33:55.440 was like, okay, I'm gonna meet them Indonesia. And then 0:33:55.480 --> 0:33:56.880 my friend was like, Hey, I'm going to be in 0:33:56.960 --> 0:33:59.480 Greece this day. You should come, and I was like okay. 0:33:59.560 --> 0:34:01.000 And then so I was already like I was already 0:34:01.000 --> 0:34:02.400 like a third of the way around the world, and 0:34:02.440 --> 0:34:03.800 I was like, oh, it would be interesting to just 0:34:03.840 --> 0:34:06.760 continuously go west. And then that's just kind of how 0:34:06.840 --> 0:34:09.000 I mean. It was like it's the first ever solo 0:34:09.040 --> 0:34:11.400 trip I've done. It was maybe like the longest duration 0:34:11.400 --> 0:34:13.759 of traveling I've done outside of the Bachelorette when I 0:34:13.760 --> 0:34:16.759 was gone for eight weeks. This was five weeks um 0:34:16.800 --> 0:34:18.400 and I didn't really do any planning. People always like 0:34:18.400 --> 0:34:19.920 would reach out to me and like they're they're like, hey, 0:34:19.960 --> 0:34:21.759 I Ke'm planning a trip, but I don't know how 0:34:21.840 --> 0:34:24.239 to like plan it, and you seem to be really 0:34:24.280 --> 0:34:25.920 good at kind of figuring out what you're gonna do next. 0:34:26.000 --> 0:34:27.640 I'm every time that I would respond to be like no, 0:34:27.680 --> 0:34:30.160 like I don't even have my hotel room book for tomorrow. Um, 0:34:30.200 --> 0:34:32.319 like all this like stuff and stuff that I would 0:34:32.320 --> 0:34:34.160 just do like days in advance. So do you stay 0:34:34.280 --> 0:34:36.920 in a lot of hostels? No, I'm not a hostile guy. 0:34:36.920 --> 0:34:39.880 Where did you stay in? And you stayed in hotels? Okay? 0:34:39.920 --> 0:34:41.160 There was first about that because I know a lot 0:34:41.160 --> 0:34:44.040 of people that travel by themselves are backpack europe holes 0:34:44.080 --> 0:34:45.440 and the like. I wish I was better at it 0:34:45.480 --> 0:34:47.040 because like it's a ten dollars a night versus a 0:34:47.080 --> 0:34:49.160 hundred dollars and night. You know. Um, there was a 0:34:49.239 --> 0:34:50.920 there was a hostile I said in Japan, but it 0:34:50.960 --> 0:34:52.560 was a bed and book so it was like a 0:34:52.560 --> 0:34:55.160 big bookcase on the wall and then like carved into 0:34:55.160 --> 0:34:57.279 the bookcase for beds. So it's like just it was 0:34:57.280 --> 0:34:59.480 like a unique click, I don't know what to call it, 0:34:59.480 --> 0:35:01.359 like a niche to let something like that. Yeah, I've 0:35:01.360 --> 0:35:03.840 seen the movie too many times, like I'm maybe and 0:35:04.040 --> 0:35:06.399 maybe I'm just that weirdo. I haven't seen the movie. 0:35:06.560 --> 0:35:08.640 Oh don't if you ever want to stay in Hustle, 0:35:08.719 --> 0:35:13.560 do not say um because I was curius about that. Yeah, 0:35:13.719 --> 0:35:15.520 you know where like they just kill each other in 0:35:15.560 --> 0:35:17.800 that scream. Easton is showing us something on the computer 0:35:17.840 --> 0:35:21.200 screen right now. Oh like you, he's showing us. He's 0:35:21.200 --> 0:35:24.880 showing us beds carved into a bookcase. In Seinfeld, they 0:35:24.880 --> 0:35:27.240 supped an addresser, and that's what I thought of pretty 0:35:27.280 --> 0:35:29.920 much the same thing, right right, Yeah, so pretty much 0:35:29.960 --> 0:35:33.719 Cramer would have been your hotel man. I can do hustles, though, 0:35:33.719 --> 0:35:36.600 maybe four or five years ago. I just like I 0:35:36.640 --> 0:35:38.640 like my personal space too much. I like the ability 0:35:38.680 --> 0:35:40.440 to like just kind of sprawl out and put all 0:35:40.440 --> 0:35:42.480 my stuff everywhere. It's so funny when you said your 0:35:42.480 --> 0:35:44.480 buddy was like, Hey, come to Greece. All I can 0:35:44.520 --> 0:35:46.520 think about was like last week somebody was like, Hey, 0:35:46.520 --> 0:35:49.040 come to coffee Bean in Burbank, And last week Dean 0:35:49.160 --> 0:35:51.480 was like, Hey, somebody come to Greece. Let's just come 0:35:51.520 --> 0:35:54.360 over here for the day. Yeah. I don't know. It 0:35:54.480 --> 0:35:56.120 was it's like, you know, you're traveling, so you might 0:35:56.120 --> 0:36:00.719 as well, absolutely, there's your favorite spot. Uh, there were 0:36:00.760 --> 0:36:02.759 a few favorite spots in Japan. I'd always wanted to 0:36:02.800 --> 0:36:05.640 visit Tokyo. I'm a big like anime um and video 0:36:05.640 --> 0:36:07.080 game nerds, so it was like nice to kind of 0:36:07.080 --> 0:36:09.799 see the birthplace of those places, like the Nintendo Eastern 0:36:09.800 --> 0:36:11.560 and I talked about Nintendo over every once in a while, 0:36:11.600 --> 0:36:13.719 and um, I mean I had like a couple of 0:36:13.800 --> 0:36:16.359 video game tattoos. So it was cool to see that. 0:36:16.680 --> 0:36:19.160 Vali was one of the most like naturally beautiful places 0:36:19.160 --> 0:36:22.800 I've ever been to. But the cliff you should absolutely 0:36:22.840 --> 0:36:26.200 the Cliffs of Moore in Ireland. So um, I posted 0:36:26.200 --> 0:36:28.560 a video of my drone crashing because it was like 0:36:28.560 --> 0:36:30.200 really windy. I don't know how it just it failed, 0:36:30.760 --> 0:36:32.600 but it was like super windy. And you can like 0:36:32.760 --> 0:36:35.359 leave the tourist section like joke, like over a fence, 0:36:35.400 --> 0:36:37.920 like walk down these like kind of sketchy paths with 0:36:37.960 --> 0:36:40.400 like wind gusts like like blowing at you, and like 0:36:40.400 --> 0:36:42.319 these big steep cliffs. So like not many people go 0:36:42.320 --> 0:36:45.080 down there because it's kind of scary. Um and I 0:36:45.160 --> 0:36:47.040 walked like a mile down to this peninsula. I was 0:36:47.080 --> 0:36:49.200 completely by myself, like no one within a like a 0:36:49.239 --> 0:36:51.240 square mile of me, and the wind was like howling, 0:36:51.239 --> 0:36:53.760 so you could I couldn't even hear yourself like breathing basically, 0:36:54.040 --> 0:36:55.800 and I was like running around like a complete maniac, 0:36:55.880 --> 0:36:57.600 like yelling at the top of my lungs, like this 0:36:57.680 --> 0:37:00.319 is so awesome. I've never been to such a cool 0:37:00.360 --> 0:37:02.520 place in my entire life. And I was like, I 0:37:02.600 --> 0:37:04.520 was like every time I turned my head and like 0:37:04.520 --> 0:37:06.080 face a different direction, I was like, this is the 0:37:06.080 --> 0:37:08.439 most insane thing I've ever seen in my entire life. 0:37:08.440 --> 0:37:11.120 Like the cliffs and the sun was like like shining 0:37:11.160 --> 0:37:13.520 through the clouds, and the waves like crashing on the 0:37:13.520 --> 0:37:16.759 beach below. I would like it completely blew my mind. 0:37:16.800 --> 0:37:19.279 I was like I felt sad leaving because I was like, 0:37:19.320 --> 0:37:21.279 I know, I'm not going to be back here, if ever, 0:37:21.480 --> 0:37:23.560 for a very long time. So it was like, this 0:37:23.600 --> 0:37:25.400 is like the most naturally beautiful place I've ever been 0:37:25.400 --> 0:37:27.759 to my entire life. That was my favorite part of 0:37:27.800 --> 0:37:30.080 all of your social posts was that those cliffs, Like, 0:37:30.120 --> 0:37:31.719 oh my god, that's the most beautiful thing in the world. 0:37:31.760 --> 0:37:33.960 And I felt so anyone that's my friend on Snapchat 0:37:33.960 --> 0:37:35.640 I kind of felt bad for because I kept sending 0:37:35.640 --> 0:37:39.120 them snapchats of me just like like freaking out, like 0:37:39.160 --> 0:37:40.839 oh my god, look at this, and then like they 0:37:40.840 --> 0:37:42.600 were probably watching on their phones like yeah, that's cool, 0:37:42.640 --> 0:37:44.400 but like being there in person, it was it just 0:37:44.480 --> 0:37:47.719 absolutely blew my mind. And Corfu there's it's a small 0:37:47.719 --> 0:37:50.440 island in the the north that Greece was absolutely beautiful, and 0:37:50.480 --> 0:37:52.200 Iceland was really cool as well. I mean everything was 0:37:52.200 --> 0:37:54.200 really cool, but everything was so different than it's probably 0:37:54.200 --> 0:37:56.040 hard to compare. I think the thing that I didn't like, 0:37:56.040 --> 0:37:58.880 like my least favorite was maybe Paris. I think it 0:37:58.920 --> 0:38:06.120 was a little hyped with touristy ye, not as friendly 0:38:06.280 --> 0:38:09.040 as other countries you visited. Yeah, I would say out 0:38:09.080 --> 0:38:11.480 of the ones that I visited, probably was the least friendly. 0:38:11.640 --> 0:38:15.479 But that's never I think Jed and I talked about 0:38:15.480 --> 0:38:17.400 this a little bit when I called in from Paris. Actually, 0:38:17.880 --> 0:38:20.440 uh Is. I think the power of kindness works so 0:38:20.440 --> 0:38:22.040 well in our daily lives, but it even works so 0:38:22.120 --> 0:38:24.520 much better when you're traveling, Like you don't speak the 0:38:24.520 --> 0:38:26.960 same language as someone in you know, either Japan or Indonesia, 0:38:27.000 --> 0:38:29.600 w whatever it is. But like if you're like genuinely 0:38:29.719 --> 0:38:32.040 like curious and interested in kind to the person that 0:38:32.080 --> 0:38:35.040 you're talking to. Like, I think that I was able 0:38:35.080 --> 0:38:38.480 to experience a lot more things better because of the 0:38:39.239 --> 0:38:41.600 I guess reception that people had to the amount of 0:38:41.640 --> 0:38:42.920 kindness that you're able to share with them, you know 0:38:42.960 --> 0:38:45.120 what I mean? That makes sense. Did you do get recognized? 0:38:46.600 --> 0:38:50.239 There were a few times, mostly American travelers in Malaysia. 0:38:51.480 --> 0:38:53.719 Another girl damned me and I was like, hey, and 0:38:53.719 --> 0:38:54.879 like I didn't really know what to do in cool 0:38:55.000 --> 0:38:56.960 lump or like there was like some caves that I 0:38:56.960 --> 0:38:58.880 went to and some towers I saw, and I was 0:38:58.880 --> 0:39:01.160 there for like three days. But she she messaged me 0:39:01.200 --> 0:39:02.880 and she said, hey, like I'm a big fan and 0:39:02.920 --> 0:39:04.920 she was Malaysian and so like I went out with 0:39:05.040 --> 0:39:07.759 her and her four oper friends in Malaysia and like 0:39:08.360 --> 0:39:10.200 maybe like every country, there was like one or two 0:39:10.200 --> 0:39:12.000 people that recognize me, but not like a whole lot. 0:39:12.280 --> 0:39:14.840 But it is always so so funny to see and 0:39:14.880 --> 0:39:18.520 even when we went to India back in March, um 0:39:18.600 --> 0:39:21.319 I think Rachel season was airing in India at the time, 0:39:21.760 --> 0:39:24.520 and so people were like a little bit more yeah, 0:39:24.560 --> 0:39:26.719 which is funny. It's yeah, It's it's crazy to think 0:39:26.719 --> 0:39:30.120 how international Bachelor is. I was just thinking, like Dean's 0:39:30.120 --> 0:39:32.840 whole trip was based upon where the show was airing, 0:39:33.480 --> 0:39:40.799 like air. But it really is crazy to hear to 0:39:40.840 --> 0:39:43.520 like see firsthand how international show is, because for every 0:39:43.520 --> 0:39:45.640 stop with the journey, I would share, like my my 0:39:45.719 --> 0:39:48.640 next destination, like Okay, today I'm traveling to Greece or 0:39:48.640 --> 0:39:51.000 today I'm traveling to Amsterdam, and like every time people 0:39:51.000 --> 0:39:53.120 would be like, oh my god, like go here or like, hey, 0:39:53.160 --> 0:39:55.160 my cousin lives there. I'd love for them to show 0:39:55.200 --> 0:39:56.719 you around, like I would like to meet up and 0:39:56.760 --> 0:39:58.399 show you arounding that type of stuff. It's just weird 0:39:58.480 --> 0:40:01.359 every destination, even you you'll go to Malaysia. You don't 0:40:01.360 --> 0:40:03.239 really expect anyone in Malaysia to know who you are, 0:40:03.719 --> 0:40:05.120 nor should they really know who you are for any 0:40:05.120 --> 0:40:07.640 reason at all, Like sure enough they do, and it's 0:40:07.640 --> 0:40:09.480 just like it's it's a crazy thing to experience firstant 0:40:09.560 --> 0:40:13.280 you know totally how long exactly where you gone? Uh 0:40:13.360 --> 0:40:18.479 thirty six days? Yeah, uh? And I didn't do laundry once, 0:40:18.600 --> 0:40:21.960 very proud of that fact. Wait a minute, what do 0:40:22.000 --> 0:40:23.960 you mean, like did somebody do laundry for you? Or 0:40:24.040 --> 0:40:27.520 you just didn't wash your I didn't wear underwear, so 0:40:27.560 --> 0:40:29.160 I didn't bring a single pair underwear. It was me, 0:40:31.160 --> 0:40:36.799 you know, you just did to our listeners dean female audience. Yeah, 0:40:36.840 --> 0:40:41.200 they're all going to be you know, I don't think 0:40:41.239 --> 0:40:45.520 i'd use the word repulse to explain what they're they're thinking. 0:40:45.800 --> 0:40:49.560 I just don't find it comfortable. It's very restricting sometimes. Yeah, 0:40:48.920 --> 0:40:53.040 I think the underwear was manufactured by the soap industry 0:40:53.360 --> 0:40:57.280 to sell more clothes un to wear to then ultimately 0:40:57.560 --> 0:40:59.759 wash in the wash. This guy, he probably says, said, 0:41:00.080 --> 0:41:01.719 do you see the same thing about Halloween is created 0:41:01.719 --> 0:41:06.279 by the cant um July four is created by the 0:41:06.320 --> 0:41:12.799 great the gift card companies. You don't. I started using 0:41:12.840 --> 0:41:14.759 soup a little bit more, especially while traveling. I was like, 0:41:14.760 --> 0:41:16.520 all right, I feel a little filthy just from looking 0:41:16.520 --> 0:41:18.239 on an airplane for so long. So what did you bring? 0:41:18.480 --> 0:41:20.880 How many shirts? How many pants? So it's funny. I 0:41:20.880 --> 0:41:23.640 brought three pairs of pants, all black jeans, and I 0:41:23.640 --> 0:41:25.680 only wore one upon the entire time because like, the 0:41:25.680 --> 0:41:28.040 other two just didn't really fit me very well. Uh. 0:41:28.080 --> 0:41:30.400 And then I brought like five T shirts, uh, and 0:41:30.480 --> 0:41:32.640 a pair of swimsuits or a pair of swimsuit or 0:41:32.640 --> 0:41:36.879 whoa a swimsuit? And like two pairs of socks, two 0:41:36.880 --> 0:41:41.840 pairs of as a carry on you So you're telling 0:41:41.880 --> 0:41:45.520 me you brought two pairs of socks and wore one 0:41:45.600 --> 0:41:48.400 pair of pants, and you don't wear any underwear and 0:41:48.480 --> 0:41:51.440 you did no laundry. When you put it like that, 0:41:51.480 --> 0:41:59.000 it sounds really bad. I'm in New York. I brought okay, 0:41:59.000 --> 0:42:01.000 So I bought a pair of shorts in Paris to 0:42:01.120 --> 0:42:03.279 match with Alex, who met up with me. We got 0:42:03.280 --> 0:42:08.040 matching outfits. Uh, I had another pair of shorts, so 0:42:08.120 --> 0:42:10.560 I had like three maybe pants that I cycled through. 0:42:11.520 --> 0:42:14.759 Huh were you wearing underwears? Then? When you when you 0:42:14.760 --> 0:42:18.080 wrap your legs around Alex, I haven't one underwear in years. 0:42:19.320 --> 0:42:22.400 It's interesting though you you never smell. I'm not a 0:42:22.440 --> 0:42:24.640 smell fortunate to not be a smelling person. I would 0:42:24.840 --> 0:42:29.239 like deodorant, and I got wore deodorant. I ran out 0:42:29.239 --> 0:42:31.120 of floss like like a couple of weeks, and that 0:42:31.160 --> 0:42:33.799 was pretty bad. I couldn't find floss for a while. Uh, 0:42:34.000 --> 0:42:36.480 you big filoster. Every day, big floster, I had to floss. 0:42:36.880 --> 0:42:38.719 I bought hats every country. I went to I got 0:42:38.760 --> 0:42:42.200 a new hat. Um, it's not really a hygiene thing, 0:42:42.280 --> 0:42:45.800 but okay, it's just like a fun Oh it's interesting. 0:42:45.840 --> 0:42:48.319 I have one more question about the trip. Okay, did 0:42:48.320 --> 0:42:53.680 you kiss anyone in the thirty six days? No? Alex? Okay, alright, 0:42:54.040 --> 0:42:58.400 I kissed a guy into the Eiffel Towers. Adorable. It's 0:42:58.400 --> 0:43:00.200 funny because Alex was like, well, we were like talking 0:43:00.200 --> 0:43:01.960 about because there's like a dumb little bit, you know, 0:43:02.040 --> 0:43:05.360 like like for just for fun. He's like, we should 0:43:05.360 --> 0:43:06.919 like go to Life Towers. Like okay, yeah, that's funny. 0:43:06.920 --> 0:43:08.920 He's yeah, you should like get a video of you 0:43:09.080 --> 0:43:11.239 jumping on me and like we'll put our hands over 0:43:11.360 --> 0:43:12.840 from mouths and kiss each other. And I was like, no, 0:43:13.080 --> 0:43:15.319 that would put Oh sorry for the curse work. We're 0:43:15.360 --> 0:43:17.920 not putting your hands over our mouths. We're gonna go. 0:43:18.000 --> 0:43:19.480 If we're gonna do it this, we're gonna do it 0:43:19.520 --> 0:43:22.759 and do the full Tom Brady full Tom Brady. He 0:43:22.760 --> 0:43:25.480 he had that video. He kisses his dad, he kisses 0:43:25.520 --> 0:43:28.319 his He has ever heard about this? A huge thing? 0:43:29.560 --> 0:43:31.680 It's like, am I an idiot? Right now? Um? I 0:43:31.760 --> 0:43:34.480 just have one more question too, So you know, after 0:43:34.520 --> 0:43:37.359 traveling alone and then going through this experience thirty six 0:43:37.440 --> 0:43:41.000 days on yourself, traveling to new places, coming back, what 0:43:41.120 --> 0:43:43.319 have you learned? Is there one thing where you're like, 0:43:44.239 --> 0:43:46.080 this is what I mean. I've taken a lot out 0:43:46.120 --> 0:43:47.480 of this trip, but this is the one thing that 0:43:47.520 --> 0:43:49.800 I come back with than anything. There have been like 0:43:49.800 --> 0:43:52.560 a lot of like a random assortment of thoughts, you know, 0:43:52.600 --> 0:43:54.080 like you'll have like one thought and then you'll kind 0:43:54.120 --> 0:43:55.520 of lose it, come back to it later, and then 0:43:55.560 --> 0:43:59.080 that kind of like just a perpetual, like on ongoing thing. Um, 0:43:59.120 --> 0:44:00.880 there was a thought that I had that kind of 0:44:00.920 --> 0:44:04.560 stuck with me that involved relationships, especially because obviously this 0:44:04.560 --> 0:44:06.640 is a relationship centery podcast, so it's kind of you know, 0:44:06.640 --> 0:44:09.799 it's interesting to have a thought on that. Um. I 0:44:09.840 --> 0:44:14.399 think that what I've never really done, well, what I've 0:44:14.400 --> 0:44:16.120 always kind of done, or maybe what I need to 0:44:16.120 --> 0:44:20.279 do moving forward is focus entirely on myself. And I 0:44:20.320 --> 0:44:22.640 think I've done that, but with the mistakes that I've 0:44:22.640 --> 0:44:27.000 made as a pertain to relationships, is I'm focusing on myself, 0:44:27.040 --> 0:44:28.960 but then I'm allowing other people to come into my 0:44:29.000 --> 0:44:32.520 life in the capacity of a relationship, and I just 0:44:32.560 --> 0:44:35.640 don't think that when you're like, I guess the word 0:44:35.680 --> 0:44:37.520 selfish is really the way to look at it. Is like, 0:44:37.520 --> 0:44:39.839 when you're focusing on yourself, it's perfectly fine to do that, 0:44:40.040 --> 0:44:42.000 but you shouldn't let someone else come into your life 0:44:42.000 --> 0:44:45.000 while you're doing that, because all that sets them up 0:44:45.040 --> 0:44:47.960 for is disappointment, I would think. And so I'm at 0:44:47.960 --> 0:44:49.279 this point now where I'm like, I still want to 0:44:49.280 --> 0:44:50.840 focus on myself and I still want to do what 0:44:50.920 --> 0:44:52.719 I want when I want, But now I have this 0:44:52.760 --> 0:44:55.920 realization that I think, because I'm doing that, I shouldn't 0:44:55.960 --> 0:44:59.640 even be interested in inviting someone into that mess of 0:44:59.680 --> 0:45:03.120 a life that I'm going to be living. You know, Yeah, well, 0:45:03.120 --> 0:45:04.799 I mean I don't think it's that you shouldn't if 0:45:04.840 --> 0:45:07.399 it's probably just not at a point right now where 0:45:07.440 --> 0:45:10.080 you're comfortable enough to invite someone into that, well, it's 0:45:10.120 --> 0:45:11.600 that's part of it, too. But it's just like I 0:45:11.640 --> 0:45:15.840 love doing I love I'm such a head case to 0:45:15.880 --> 0:45:18.080 the point where I'm a contrarian and I love proving 0:45:18.120 --> 0:45:20.080 people wrong and I like like to do what I 0:45:20.120 --> 0:45:22.000 want when I want to do it, And I think 0:45:22.000 --> 0:45:25.320 those two things kind of uh make it challenging to 0:45:26.480 --> 0:45:30.480 for me to date someone else. You know, so it's 0:45:30.520 --> 0:45:32.920 like you can have something kind of work on. I 0:45:32.920 --> 0:45:34.200 don't know if I'm trying to work on it. I 0:45:34.200 --> 0:45:37.680 think it's just something that I have to, uh like 0:45:38.440 --> 0:45:42.160 let blow by, like like grow out of its, grow 0:45:42.160 --> 0:45:43.520 out of it sort of thing. I think it's a 0:45:43.560 --> 0:45:46.120 mature way to look at it, you know, being self 0:45:46.160 --> 0:45:49.640 aware of the things that you're, the person that you 0:45:49.680 --> 0:45:51.239 are and the person that you want to become. That's 0:45:51.239 --> 0:45:54.920 a step towards, um, you know, being able to invite 0:45:54.960 --> 0:45:58.080 someone into your life and have a successful relationship because 0:45:58.080 --> 0:46:00.400 oftentimes we you know, I was talking about this with 0:46:00.440 --> 0:46:03.960 the friend the other day, like I think often times, um, 0:46:04.000 --> 0:46:06.759 we end up in relationships to still avoid, or we 0:46:06.880 --> 0:46:08.759 end up in a relationships because we're board, or we 0:46:08.880 --> 0:46:12.239 end up in relationships for the wrong reason. Sounds like back, 0:46:13.560 --> 0:46:18.560 you know, it's it's important to I'm loving this time. Um, 0:46:18.560 --> 0:46:21.319 that's being even updated on my love life. But I'm 0:46:21.520 --> 0:46:26.040 completely single right now. So yeah, oh Mark, you were 0:46:26.120 --> 0:46:30.320 there last podcast. Okay, yeah, but that's announce last podcast. 0:46:30.360 --> 0:46:35.759 She is single? Ready to me happy about this? I'm so, 0:46:36.280 --> 0:46:39.520 I'm very happy and I'm you know. I think it's 0:46:39.520 --> 0:46:43.839 important to realize that relationships don't work out, whether it's 0:46:43.840 --> 0:46:48.000 a year long relationships, two year long relationships, two weak relationships, 0:46:48.120 --> 0:46:51.439 it doesn't work out for a reason. And um, there's 0:46:51.480 --> 0:46:55.000 no point of like feeling sorry for yourself because you 0:46:55.120 --> 0:46:56.920 met someone like you didn't think you're going to meet 0:46:56.960 --> 0:46:59.600 the first new data. So there's someone else waiting for 0:46:59.680 --> 0:47:01.640 your you know, there's someone else out there for you. 0:47:01.760 --> 0:47:04.399 So just to make room for that person to walk 0:47:04.400 --> 0:47:09.480 into your life and you don't have to when it happens. Yeah, exactly, 0:47:09.480 --> 0:47:11.520 just letting the call the cards fall as they may. 0:47:11.719 --> 0:47:14.240 I think that's the realization I had too, is I love. 0:47:14.800 --> 0:47:18.440 I didn't realize how much I enjoy being alone. Like 0:47:18.440 --> 0:47:21.520 it's like there are moments of loneliness especially, But be 0:47:21.600 --> 0:47:23.680 careful with that though, because you might get too comfortable. 0:47:24.520 --> 0:47:28.799 Yeah that's fine, right, Like you have friends, no because 0:47:28.840 --> 0:47:30.360 you want unless you don't want to be in a 0:47:30.400 --> 0:47:33.480 relationship ever, well I do at some point. I think 0:47:33.520 --> 0:47:36.120 if you put a time frame on it, then you're okay. 0:47:36.160 --> 0:47:40.759 Like if you're you know, I mean, you're so you're 0:47:40.800 --> 0:47:43.040 twenty seven, you have you're so young, you have plenty 0:47:43.040 --> 0:47:46.600 of time yourself, and and and and want to be alone. 0:47:48.560 --> 0:47:55.040 I know what I'm saying. Well, Van, you're we're all 0:47:55.080 --> 0:47:58.239 so young. Resident's grand I think you and I are 0:47:58.239 --> 0:48:00.759 just different in that we're like, yes, I love my 0:48:00.800 --> 0:48:02.879 alone time, but I don't want to be alone. Yeah, 0:48:02.960 --> 0:48:05.560 if that makes any sense. I mean there were moments. 0:48:05.560 --> 0:48:07.920 So my phone got stolen out of my pocket and Indonesia, 0:48:08.040 --> 0:48:11.600 I got picked I got pickpocketed. Um, yeah, okay, and 0:48:11.880 --> 0:48:13.640 I thought you just like left your phone somewhere. No, no no, no, 0:48:13.719 --> 0:48:15.360 it was still So I'll tell you the story. So 0:48:15.400 --> 0:48:18.520 we were the last night in Bali. Uh. We were 0:48:18.520 --> 0:48:21.719 obviously like partying and drinking all day. Uh. We were 0:48:21.719 --> 0:48:24.200 writing our scooters to this next location that our friend 0:48:24.239 --> 0:48:25.799 had told us to meet the matter something like that. 0:48:26.080 --> 0:48:27.319 And it was I was on the back of my 0:48:27.320 --> 0:48:30.680 friend Tony's scooter, and then my friends Will and Zach 0:48:30.719 --> 0:48:33.640 were on this other scooter. Uh, and we like stopped 0:48:33.640 --> 0:48:35.680 at at a light or something to turn and this 0:48:35.719 --> 0:48:37.279 person like jumped on the back and they were all 0:48:37.280 --> 0:48:39.400 like getting like, I don't know, it was weird. They 0:48:39.440 --> 0:48:42.279 were all like being loud and outrageous and obnoxious. Um. 0:48:42.320 --> 0:48:44.759 And then they left, and then my friend like looked 0:48:44.800 --> 0:48:47.160 at everyone was like, hey, those people are notorious pickpockets 0:48:47.160 --> 0:48:49.759 here in Indonesia, Like, you should check your pockets, make 0:48:49.760 --> 0:48:51.560 sure you have everything. So I checked my front, checked 0:48:51.560 --> 0:48:54.879 my back, everything was there. Um, well it was good. 0:48:54.880 --> 0:48:56.600 My phone is there. And then three minutes later I 0:48:56.600 --> 0:48:58.480 pulled my phone out to text someone and I pull 0:48:58.560 --> 0:49:00.120 it out and it was just the case. So this 0:49:00.160 --> 0:49:02.279 person took the phone out of my pocket, took it 0:49:02.320 --> 0:49:04.080 off out of the case, and then put the case 0:49:04.120 --> 0:49:07.680 back in my pocket. Dude, this is George Colooney Promotions 0:49:07.760 --> 0:49:10.120 Love and whoever that guy. No, you're thinking Matt Damon. 0:49:10.360 --> 0:49:12.520 Matt Damon is a pit pocketer. But yeah, obviously did. 0:49:12.680 --> 0:49:15.960 I was gonna say Matt David, but it was probably Do. 0:49:17.440 --> 0:49:19.760 And I was so like, I mean, I I'll'll admit, 0:49:19.800 --> 0:49:22.120 like you checked and everything was there. It was already 0:49:22.160 --> 0:49:24.319 just the case at that point, yes, right, And because 0:49:24.360 --> 0:49:27.480 you feel the case, you're like okay, like I don't um. 0:49:27.560 --> 0:49:29.080 And then so that was really hard because then I 0:49:29.080 --> 0:49:30.719 woke up the next morning and I had to fly 0:49:30.880 --> 0:49:34.880 to Malaysia like without a phone. Uh. Landed in the 0:49:35.040 --> 0:49:37.400 airport and cool Lumpur and went straight to the like 0:49:37.440 --> 0:49:40.319 the Apple reseller there, uh, and had to get a 0:49:40.360 --> 0:49:42.600 new phone. But then it was like how do I 0:49:42.640 --> 0:49:45.520 activate with my eye cloud because everything is like you 0:49:45.520 --> 0:49:47.640 have to authenticate it with your phone number, like we're 0:49:47.640 --> 0:49:49.360 going to text your code, and we can't text me 0:49:49.400 --> 0:49:51.080 a code because I don't have my whole phone number. 0:49:51.560 --> 0:49:52.960 And then I was like I had a Malaysian phone 0:49:53.000 --> 0:49:54.319 number and I had a Greek phone number. I didn't 0:49:54.320 --> 0:49:58.640 get my US phone number back until yesterday. Actually everything 0:49:58.760 --> 0:50:00.839 from your other phone well, and that's the thing too. 0:50:00.840 --> 0:50:03.200 Then they like somehow we're able to disable to find 0:50:03.200 --> 0:50:05.480 my iPhone app and so like I couldn't track them down. 0:50:05.520 --> 0:50:07.080 Like we turned around on our scooters and like try 0:50:07.120 --> 0:50:09.440 to track down the people, um, but we didn't have 0:50:09.440 --> 0:50:12.520 any luck there. I was like going around like asking 0:50:12.560 --> 0:50:14.239 every single person I could find. I was like, hey, 0:50:14.280 --> 0:50:16.680 like I lost, like someone sell my phone? Do you 0:50:16.760 --> 0:50:18.799 know anything about that? And everyone's like no, You're you're 0:50:18.880 --> 0:50:20.439 out of luck. There's no way you're gonn get that back. 0:50:20.560 --> 0:50:24.239 So so then like going to Malaysia, I didn't have 0:50:24.280 --> 0:50:26.840 a phone. I like had just gotten my phone stolen. 0:50:26.920 --> 0:50:29.840 I felt very disconnected from everything and everyone, and I 0:50:29.880 --> 0:50:31.239 was like, I just like I needed to like a 0:50:31.320 --> 0:50:32.759 FaceTime to a couple of my friends, and I was like, 0:50:32.800 --> 0:50:34.319 I'm sorry, I'm just like a little depressed right now 0:50:34.320 --> 0:50:36.040 because of all this, this whole situation that went down. 0:50:36.080 --> 0:50:37.880 But totally, that was definitely the lowest moment I think 0:50:37.880 --> 0:50:40.040 of the trip, and I'm like, I, I'm very attuched 0:50:40.040 --> 0:50:41.520 on my phone. As much as they hate to admit that, 0:50:41.560 --> 0:50:45.400 like I'm on it quite often. It's just like, especially 0:50:47.080 --> 0:50:50.000 you know that that's like the worst case scenario, and 0:50:50.040 --> 0:50:52.600 it happened to so it sounded like a pretty incredible trip. 0:50:52.640 --> 0:50:55.799 iPhone being stolen a side obviously, so it's it's pretty cool. Now. 0:50:55.840 --> 0:50:57.839 I have a question for your dean. Did you work 0:50:57.880 --> 0:51:00.080 out at all while you were traveling? Did you that 0:51:00.120 --> 0:51:02.480 picture I posted in Greece? I was buffed as hell, dude. 0:51:02.480 --> 0:51:05.840 You were ripped like Brad Pitt from Fight Club. It 0:51:05.880 --> 0:51:09.879 was unbelievable. That's fight Club, right, I don't know, maybe 0:51:10.160 --> 0:51:12.359 that's what he's like, super shredded. Yeah, I know, you're 0:51:12.360 --> 0:51:17.319 absolutely right because I was eating food everywhere I went, 0:51:17.360 --> 0:51:20.000 obviously and as much as I possibly could. But the 0:51:20.040 --> 0:51:21.560 one thing that really kept me in shape. And you 0:51:21.560 --> 0:51:23.239 guys have heard me talk about it before, all of 0:51:23.360 --> 0:51:24.759 us have talked about it before. I guess this beach 0:51:24.760 --> 0:51:27.720 Body on Demand. Oh totally. Beach Body Demand is incredible. 0:51:27.719 --> 0:51:29.520 I mean to our listeners, I hope that they've all 0:51:29.680 --> 0:51:32.120 gotten their free trial by now. If you keep listening 0:51:32.120 --> 0:51:35.640 to this podcast, we keep talking about beach Body on Demand. Um, 0:51:35.680 --> 0:51:38.200 you can get all these different trainers and programs, some 0:51:38.200 --> 0:51:41.720 of the trainers on their twenty five He's awesome, Shan 0:51:41.840 --> 0:51:44.840 t doesn't require any extra equipment. It only takes twenty 0:51:44.880 --> 0:51:47.000 five minutes a day. So like by the time you 0:51:47.040 --> 0:51:50.720 go to the gym park, get in the gym, work out, leave, 0:51:50.920 --> 0:51:53.080 that's already like an hour and twenty minutes of your time. 0:51:53.400 --> 0:51:55.160 This beach Body on Demand, you can get done in 0:51:55.200 --> 0:51:58.640 twenty five minutes and save yourself some time. And you 0:51:58.640 --> 0:52:00.719 can get it on anywhere too. That's the best about it. No, 0:52:00.840 --> 0:52:03.759 you can get it anywhere. Yeah, your hotel, roadhouse for 0:52:04.160 --> 0:52:06.759 you know, Vanessa. While you're on the podcast, you could 0:52:06.800 --> 0:52:09.000 be working out with beach Body on Demand, even though 0:52:09.040 --> 0:52:10.799 you don't need it. Um. But this is also the 0:52:10.800 --> 0:52:14.480 company that's behind p ninety X. The insanity which I 0:52:14.520 --> 0:52:16.560 think Dean, did you say you tried to insane anyone time? 0:52:16.600 --> 0:52:17.960 Is that you? I did it once, So I'm more 0:52:17.960 --> 0:52:20.320 of a hip hop as guy. Though hip hop abs 0:52:20.440 --> 0:52:22.120 up the three you get hip hop abs on here, 0:52:22.320 --> 0:52:25.640 three weeks, Yogo Retreat and more. You get world class 0:52:25.640 --> 0:52:28.920 trainers like we talked about Shanty. You've got Tony Horrn 0:52:28.960 --> 0:52:31.080 on there. Um. So listen, guys, this is what you're 0:52:31.080 --> 0:52:33.479 gonna want to do. I don't understand what anybody's waiting 0:52:33.480 --> 0:52:36.720 for anymore. You can join the over one million people 0:52:36.800 --> 0:52:40.880 currently on beach Body on Demand right now, listeners. You 0:52:40.880 --> 0:52:44.319 can get a special free trial membership. You here that 0:52:44.400 --> 0:52:46.359 it's free. You don't have to pay for anything. When 0:52:46.360 --> 0:52:49.360 you text Dean, that's d E A and what a 0:52:49.360 --> 0:52:54.280 great name. God, I love that name. Text you text 0:52:54.320 --> 0:52:57.359 Dean d E A and to thirty thirty thirty. That's 0:52:57.360 --> 0:52:59.879 three zero three zero three zero um, and you'll get 0:53:00.000 --> 0:53:04.480 full access to the entire platform for free, all the workouts, 0:53:04.600 --> 0:53:07.560 the nutrition information and the support. You get it totally 0:53:07.600 --> 0:53:09.560 free again. All you have to do is text Dean 0:53:09.680 --> 0:53:12.920 D E A N to thirty thirty thirty get your 0:53:12.920 --> 0:53:16.200 free trial now check it out. I have some emails. 0:53:16.360 --> 0:53:20.160 This one's from an anonymous emailer your favorite. I have 0:53:20.360 --> 0:53:21.960 with my boyfriend a little over a year. We were 0:53:22.000 --> 0:53:24.280 inseparable from the day we met and moved in together 0:53:24.320 --> 0:53:26.880 after only seven months. He has a daughter who I adore. 0:53:27.200 --> 0:53:28.840 She stays with us every other week. We both have 0:53:28.920 --> 0:53:30.560 fourty hour week jobs and are trying to be more 0:53:30.600 --> 0:53:33.359 frugal so we can buy a house together. I make 0:53:33.440 --> 0:53:35.759 slightly more than my boyfriend, but we split the rent 0:53:35.800 --> 0:53:37.719 and all utilities down the middle and handle our own 0:53:37.719 --> 0:53:40.120 personal bills separately. I try to take care of some 0:53:40.200 --> 0:53:42.840 of the other expenses, like groceries with the occasional uber. 0:53:43.239 --> 0:53:45.400 We have talked about how he feels badly that I've 0:53:45.400 --> 0:53:47.080 spent more on things for us, but it has never 0:53:47.120 --> 0:53:49.440 bothered me because he has more responsibilities than I do, 0:53:49.520 --> 0:53:52.480 such as child support. Recently, I can tell it's about 0:53:52.480 --> 0:53:54.239 affecting him more, and I'm running out of ways to 0:53:54.280 --> 0:53:56.560 express to him that I'm willing and want to contribute 0:53:56.560 --> 0:53:59.040 in this way. Should I stop offering to pay for 0:53:59.120 --> 0:54:01.280 things and let him hand what until he asks for help. 0:54:01.520 --> 0:54:03.840 I have no idea what a good solution here? Is 0:54:03.920 --> 0:54:06.479 help I suck at dating? Yes, I think she said. 0:54:06.600 --> 0:54:08.560 Should I stop offering to pay for things and let 0:54:08.600 --> 0:54:10.279 him handle until he ask for help? I think yes, 0:54:10.560 --> 0:54:13.800 I agree. Just guys, you know, we want to provide 0:54:13.840 --> 0:54:17.640 for our lady, and providing includes money and being able 0:54:17.640 --> 0:54:19.480 to pay for dinners and being old fashioned in the 0:54:19.520 --> 0:54:22.000 sense of like I want to, you know, bring home 0:54:22.040 --> 0:54:25.080 the bacon. So I, um, yeah, I would for right 0:54:25.120 --> 0:54:26.640 now stop trying to pay for things, or at least 0:54:26.680 --> 0:54:31.920 offering and see what happens. Vanessa, I don't know. I 0:54:32.000 --> 0:54:36.000 thought you might disagree with this. Actually, yeah, I'm I'm 0:54:36.080 --> 0:54:39.080 all for Listen, if you're able to provide for yourself, 0:54:39.120 --> 0:54:42.320 and I always say this, ladies do not and gentlemen 0:54:42.640 --> 0:54:48.239 do not depend on a significant other financially for emotionally 0:54:48.400 --> 0:54:51.319 like make sure that you can always be financially and 0:54:51.360 --> 0:54:55.279 emotionally stable without having someone else in the picture. Um, 0:54:55.400 --> 0:54:57.520 and the fact that she's able to pay for it, 0:54:57.600 --> 0:55:00.360 like Prosser her. If I were the guy, I would 0:55:00.560 --> 0:55:03.520 be saying thank you and putting my ego aside and 0:55:03.880 --> 0:55:06.440 acknowledging a fact that she's doing this. She's doing this 0:55:06.560 --> 0:55:10.319 not not to get like acknowledgement or anything to doing 0:55:10.320 --> 0:55:12.200 it out of the bigness of our hearts. So I 0:55:12.200 --> 0:55:15.720 don't know. I if I don't know, if I'm getting 0:55:15.760 --> 0:55:17.680 an uber and he's getting in the car with me, 0:55:18.800 --> 0:55:21.080 I'm probably gonna be the girl that's gonna pay for 0:55:21.080 --> 0:55:22.960 the Uber two. I think that I think the uber 0:55:23.000 --> 0:55:25.439 and the groceries are a very small indication of why 0:55:25.480 --> 0:55:27.239 he feels awkward about this. I think it really comes 0:55:27.239 --> 0:55:29.080 down to she makes probably a lot more money than him, 0:55:29.120 --> 0:55:31.960 she says slightly, but she's I think she's understanding. I 0:55:31.960 --> 0:55:33.920 think she's understanding it. I think she probably makes a 0:55:33.920 --> 0:55:35.959 lot more money. And then while they split everything, because 0:55:35.960 --> 0:55:37.879 he's like, no, I'm gonna pay for myself. I want to, 0:55:38.080 --> 0:55:40.280 you know, do this and pay for my own utilities. 0:55:40.560 --> 0:55:43.680 I'm sure he's like this sucks. Like she's like, I'm 0:55:43.719 --> 0:55:45.800 the one putting pennies together trying to pay for dinners 0:55:45.840 --> 0:55:47.400 and she's making a lot more money. It probably just 0:55:47.480 --> 0:55:49.520 hurts his ego a little bit. I would I was 0:55:49.520 --> 0:55:52.520 gonna saymasculating too, but I think it's like kind of 0:55:52.520 --> 0:55:54.520 almost dehumanizing too, to the point where it's like he 0:55:54.560 --> 0:55:57.399 wants to be able to like, uh, have ownership over 0:55:57.440 --> 0:55:59.719 the things that he buys for the relationship and his 0:56:00.080 --> 0:56:01.880 or whatever. It is, like groceries, you know, you like 0:56:02.080 --> 0:56:03.880 feel guilty for going to the pantry more than a 0:56:03.880 --> 0:56:07.760 few times a day those groceries technically personally someone else. Yeah, 0:56:07.840 --> 0:56:09.560 I don't know, that's my take on it. I think 0:56:09.560 --> 0:56:12.640 that she should just let him pay for what he 0:56:12.680 --> 0:56:14.440 wants to and you and like let her kind of 0:56:14.440 --> 0:56:16.080 take a back seat. And if there's going to be 0:56:16.120 --> 0:56:17.640 a balance, it's gonna have to like you guys are 0:56:17.680 --> 0:56:19.160 like in a teeter and todder a little bit, I think, 0:56:19.200 --> 0:56:22.120 and then eventually you'll find that happy medium. But if 0:56:22.160 --> 0:56:24.120 he is like getting kind of weird out by it, 0:56:24.200 --> 0:56:25.560 I think that you should just kind of let him 0:56:25.600 --> 0:56:26.920 do his own thing and he'll find a way to 0:56:26.920 --> 0:56:28.600 make it work. If that's so what's going to be. 0:56:28.680 --> 0:56:31.640 But definitely, yeah, lets communicate about it, you know. Don't know, 0:56:31.680 --> 0:56:34.120 I don't even think she should community Well maybe she should, Okay, 0:56:34.760 --> 0:56:37.480 not a bad idea, not a bad idea, But I 0:56:37.520 --> 0:56:40.160 think by acknowledging it, by by her being like, hey, 0:56:40.239 --> 0:56:42.720 I'm going to stop spending money on you, that almost 0:56:42.760 --> 0:56:44.680 makes it worse. If she just kind of like naturally 0:56:44.760 --> 0:56:48.239 lets him. I'm not saying that. I'm saying, Um, and Mark, 0:56:48.320 --> 0:56:50.680 maybe you've you're you've been married, you've had a successful 0:56:50.680 --> 0:56:54.000 marriage for years, so you can correct me out, you 0:56:54.040 --> 0:56:55.879 can correct me on this. But I feel like one 0:56:55.880 --> 0:56:59.719 of the major issues and marriages and long term relationships 0:56:59.719 --> 0:57:02.600 to come down to finances and lacks of two manication. 0:57:03.080 --> 0:57:06.080 So in this case, I think it's importune to sit down, 0:57:06.160 --> 0:57:08.960 have a mature conversation and be like, Okay, do they 0:57:09.000 --> 0:57:11.240 have a joint bank acount? I have a joint bank account. 0:57:11.520 --> 0:57:13.840 Then it'd be a lot easier to just go in 0:57:13.880 --> 0:57:15.960 there and pay for the things that they to share 0:57:16.800 --> 0:57:20.440 together instead of you know it he's making if he 0:57:20.480 --> 0:57:22.320 wants to put in you know, it's like fifty fifty, 0:57:22.400 --> 0:57:24.120 but if he wants to put in more than fifty, 0:57:24.160 --> 0:57:26.479 then feel put in more than fifty and she'll put 0:57:26.760 --> 0:57:29.040 the rest in in the joint bank account. It's such 0:57:29.080 --> 0:57:31.200 an old fashioned conversation, isn't it. But I mean it's 0:57:31.200 --> 0:57:33.040 still relevant in twenty eighteen. But I'm just saying, the 0:57:33.080 --> 0:57:35.320 tradition that the man has to pay for everything seems 0:57:35.320 --> 0:57:38.640 like an outdated concept to me. But if this were reversed, 0:57:38.640 --> 0:57:40.040 if a guy was like, I make more money than 0:57:40.080 --> 0:57:42.080 she does, no one would care. He'd never send the email. 0:57:42.080 --> 0:57:44.320 It's never an issue the other way around. And it's 0:57:44.360 --> 0:57:47.040 just it's just the male fragile ego, isn't it. That's 0:57:47.040 --> 0:57:51.200 all it is to understand, Well, it's outdated. It's outdated 0:57:51.200 --> 0:57:53.400 in two thousand eighteen, fifteen years ago, when this guy 0:57:53.440 --> 0:57:55.680 was probably growing up, it wasn't really that outdated to 0:57:55.800 --> 0:57:57.840 you got to make more money and like be quote 0:57:57.880 --> 0:58:02.560 unquote the um provider, the provider, and so like, he's 0:58:02.600 --> 0:58:04.680 probably been brought up in a society where it's like, no, 0:58:04.800 --> 0:58:06.640 you're the man. You're supposed to be making more money, 0:58:06.640 --> 0:58:08.560 and then you're supposed to be providing and supporting for 0:58:08.800 --> 0:58:11.800 your significant other. And so now, yes, in two thousand 0:58:11.760 --> 0:58:14.640 and eighteen, it's fine. Everybody's equal. It doesn't matter who's 0:58:14.640 --> 0:58:19.640 making more money. Time's up exactly, But it's the it's 0:58:19.680 --> 0:58:22.560 the me too movement. I've never heard times up before, 0:58:22.760 --> 0:58:25.600 the kind of movements, the big one. But times up 0:58:25.640 --> 0:58:29.000 is also one Time's up for guys to be in 0:58:29.040 --> 0:58:31.640 these traditional roles that we've always seen them as everybody 0:58:31.680 --> 0:58:33.840 should be treated the same, and I agree, but there's 0:58:33.840 --> 0:58:36.840 gonna be a transitional period during that, right, you can't 0:58:36.920 --> 0:58:40.640 just ignore social norms that have been ingrained in us. 0:58:40.760 --> 0:58:42.960 And so I think with this guy, of course it 0:58:43.000 --> 0:58:46.200 doesn't matter, no, but it's gonna hurt his ego, so 0:58:46.400 --> 0:58:48.880 just I I would I I agree with the and 0:58:48.880 --> 0:58:53.520 by communicating that with him, it's like almost belittling his wages. 0:58:53.800 --> 0:58:55.360 Like she's like, oh, I make more money than you, 0:58:55.960 --> 0:58:58.720 but I'm gonna let you start paying for things because 0:58:58.720 --> 0:59:04.080 I know how fragile you might be, So that like that, 0:59:04.200 --> 0:59:06.240 you wouldn't know, that's not what you would be highlighting. 0:59:06.880 --> 0:59:09.760 He's if he's been awes with her about him being 0:59:09.840 --> 0:59:14.320 uncomfortable with her spending money on him, then if I 0:59:14.400 --> 0:59:17.000 were her, I would sit him down and just have 0:59:17.200 --> 0:59:19.840 an the dog conversation like it shouldn't you know, You're 0:59:19.880 --> 0:59:21.960 it's one years old. You're old enough to sit down 0:59:21.960 --> 0:59:25.280 and have mature conversations about things and communicate about things 0:59:25.320 --> 0:59:28.240 that make you comfortable and uncomfortable and figure out a solution. 0:59:28.320 --> 0:59:30.160 I'm just saying that the male ego is very fragile, 0:59:30.240 --> 0:59:31.760 especially when it comes to this stuff. I think some 0:59:31.800 --> 0:59:33.400 things are better left unseid. We don't want to talk 0:59:33.400 --> 0:59:36.160 about it anymore than we wanted to happen exactly, all right, 0:59:36.240 --> 0:59:39.040 So anonymous, don't take my advice. No, no, no, take 0:59:39.760 --> 0:59:41.720 exactly take all our advice and incorporate it and make 0:59:41.760 --> 0:59:47.680 your own decisions. That's advice. Uh. This is by the way, 0:59:47.720 --> 0:59:50.840 I suck at dating at i heeart media dot com. 0:59:51.000 --> 0:59:53.520 Keep the emails coming. I suck at dating at ihart 0:59:53.600 --> 0:59:55.680 media dot com. This is Hunter. Do you guys know 0:59:55.760 --> 0:59:59.480 the app rover? Yeah? Dog walker app Okay, he's been 0:59:59.520 --> 1:00:01.480 dog sitting throw over over the past couple of months, 1:00:01.480 --> 1:00:03.560 and he's been watching this dog whose owner he is 1:00:03.560 --> 1:00:06.280 super attracted to. He says. A few months ago, I 1:00:06.560 --> 1:00:09.200 match with the owner on Tinder and chattered over the 1:00:09.200 --> 1:00:11.880 cars in a few days. Yeah, small world. I eventually 1:00:11.880 --> 1:00:13.440 asked if she wanted to take the dogs to a 1:00:13.520 --> 1:00:16.840 park that weekend, and she never responded and not deleted 1:00:16.880 --> 1:00:19.520 tender shortly thereafter. I really want to ask her out, 1:00:19.560 --> 1:00:21.000 but I feel like it's a sign that she didn't 1:00:21.000 --> 1:00:22.680 answer me the first time, and so I should forget 1:00:22.720 --> 1:00:25.120 about it. I'm watching a dog again this weekend. Should 1:00:25.120 --> 1:00:26.680 I ask her out or should I leave it? Help? 1:00:26.680 --> 1:00:28.880 I really? Second day? What do we always tell him, Mark, 1:00:29.080 --> 1:00:31.280 shoot your show? If you gotta ask, you gotta do 1:00:31.320 --> 1:00:34.760 it exactly. Well, here's the thing. So he's watching her 1:00:34.800 --> 1:00:37.840 dog and she never responded on Tinder. I think that 1:00:38.320 --> 1:00:41.360 she probably just doesn't pay attention to the app. I agree, right, 1:00:41.400 --> 1:00:44.720 she wouldn't completely ignore someone who's babysitting her, walking her 1:00:44.760 --> 1:00:49.480 dog and caring for this dog. I think as a 1:00:49.520 --> 1:00:51.320 dog owner, you can probably choose who you look after 1:00:51.360 --> 1:00:54.200 your dog, right, It's not like she has she's unless 1:00:54.200 --> 1:00:56.160 she signed a contract. Or is it like Uber and 1:00:56.160 --> 1:00:58.120 they just give you the closest dog walker? I really 1:00:58.120 --> 1:00:59.920 don't know. I think a dog is it's a dog's 1:01:00.000 --> 1:01:03.040 out to be, like you can pick out total people 1:01:03.040 --> 1:01:05.800 your dog vibes so so. And I think proves that 1:01:05.840 --> 1:01:08.200 she maybe didn't see the message. Maybe she just kind 1:01:08.200 --> 1:01:11.160 of like saw it responded mentally, never actually physically responded. 1:01:11.360 --> 1:01:13.160 But you I don't think that she because if she 1:01:13.360 --> 1:01:15.560 was purposefully ignoring you, then she would have gone with 1:01:15.560 --> 1:01:19.520 a different dogs here right exactly and listen, I find 1:01:19.640 --> 1:01:21.840 I'm like I'm guilty of this all the time before, 1:01:21.880 --> 1:01:23.520 like oh you're you don't message me back, or I 1:01:23.560 --> 1:01:26.400 won't you and I read my messages and like, oh, 1:01:26.440 --> 1:01:28.600 I'll write back in a few hours. But then someone 1:01:28.640 --> 1:01:30.400 else will message me, and your message will go like 1:01:30.440 --> 1:01:32.880 lower on the list, and and I forget to write back. 1:01:32.960 --> 1:01:37.840 You never message me back, Vanessa, I'm sorry, you just 1:01:38.480 --> 1:01:42.720 use another story. Um. So yeah, maybe he just didn't 1:01:42.720 --> 1:01:45.240 see the message. Try again, go for it. I agree, 1:01:45.320 --> 1:01:46.960 go for it. What's the worst that can happen? You 1:01:47.040 --> 1:01:48.640 lose this client as a dog. You've got plenty of 1:01:48.640 --> 1:01:52.800 people's dogs. By the way, I have a two of 1:01:52.840 --> 1:01:55.200 my kid's names picked out. I've had him picked up forever, 1:01:55.280 --> 1:01:56.880 and Hunter is one of them. I was used to 1:01:56.960 --> 1:02:03.080 the words out of my mouth. Great name name, said, well, 1:02:03.120 --> 1:02:05.720 I think everyone's got ideas for names for the kids 1:02:05.760 --> 1:02:07.680 that they eventually want to have. No, I already I 1:02:07.680 --> 1:02:12.680 did too. Maybe we're not normal, guys. Maybe that's why 1:02:12.720 --> 1:02:14.760 we're here on this band kids to say we're not normal. 1:02:15.760 --> 1:02:19.520 For better for worse. Um, I'll tell a quick story 1:02:19.560 --> 1:02:23.240 if you don't mind, mark your great storytelling. Tell stories 1:02:23.240 --> 1:02:26.160 anytime you want. When I was growing up, my sister, 1:02:26.280 --> 1:02:29.560 my younger sister, Amy was Her name is confusing. Is 1:02:29.600 --> 1:02:31.440 her name? My sister's name is Amy, and my wife's 1:02:31.480 --> 1:02:33.920 name is Amy is very confusing. Anyway, my sister was 1:02:33.960 --> 1:02:36.840 best friends with a girl named Ali, and Aby had 1:02:36.880 --> 1:02:38.640 a bunch of friends, and I hated all of them 1:02:38.720 --> 1:02:40.560 because they were just screaming because I'm the big brother 1:02:40.560 --> 1:02:42.680 and they're always into and screaming and stuff. But Ali 1:02:42.800 --> 1:02:44.520 was great. We loved Ali. When she came over. It 1:02:44.600 --> 1:02:45.840 was like the three of us who played together. She 1:02:45.880 --> 1:02:48.200 was like one of my friends too. Ali got really sick, 1:02:48.400 --> 1:02:51.760 she got cancer in her shoulder blade. And anyway, we 1:02:51.840 --> 1:02:54.959 lost Ali when she was sixteen years old, very sad. 1:02:55.000 --> 1:02:57.120 And I said that day, I said, my first daughter 1:02:57.160 --> 1:02:58.800 is going to be named Ali. And that's why I 1:02:58.880 --> 1:03:00.960 have a twelve year old daughter named Ali right now. 1:03:01.800 --> 1:03:05.240 That's so my heart that she lives on through your daughter. 1:03:05.240 --> 1:03:07.320 But I have a question. So your your sister's name 1:03:07.360 --> 1:03:10.400 is Amy, and your wife's name is named Yes, and 1:03:10.440 --> 1:03:12.800 your mom's name is Kathy. Okay, I thought your mom's 1:03:12.880 --> 1:03:15.280 name is Amy, and your daughter and your sisters sister 1:03:15.400 --> 1:03:17.520 and wife. Why is it always it's it's always a 1:03:17.520 --> 1:03:20.080 male thing, where it's always like Jared Jr. And it's 1:03:20.080 --> 1:03:23.040 never like Amy Jr. Yeah, why can't women name their 1:03:23.120 --> 1:03:28.040 children after them? I think that's that time on Here 1:03:28.080 --> 1:03:30.600 we Go. I was I was almost fred the third. 1:03:31.680 --> 1:03:36.240 My dad's Fred Jr. And I was almost Frederick the Third. No, 1:03:36.360 --> 1:03:38.160 I'm not a friend. I don't either, But my question 1:03:38.240 --> 1:03:42.640 is would your life be different? That's interesting, isn't it. 1:03:42.640 --> 1:03:45.960 It's just your name, butter fact man, it's crazy Butterfly right, 1:03:46.320 --> 1:03:48.720 great because the name just really makes it just kind 1:03:48.720 --> 1:03:51.360 of forms your persona. I don't know why. Like I 1:03:51.400 --> 1:03:53.400 look at Dean, I'm like, yeah, you're a deed right. 1:03:54.080 --> 1:03:56.400 So my sisters names it's really confusing. I've been asked 1:03:56.440 --> 1:03:58.760 that and make sisters Melissa, but I don't know if 1:03:58.760 --> 1:04:01.880 my sister are I was supposed to be called Penelope, 1:04:02.040 --> 1:04:05.160 which I love. I feel like my sister would look 1:04:05.200 --> 1:04:07.240 more like a Penelope. I feel like I am you know, 1:04:07.240 --> 1:04:09.920 I embraced Vanessa. Are you embraced the Vanessa totally? But 1:04:09.960 --> 1:04:13.520 you could embrace a penalope. I could see it. So 1:04:13.560 --> 1:04:17.080 this is interesting. They did an experiment and I'm fascinated 1:04:17.080 --> 1:04:18.680 by this stuff. I don't know how I got into 1:04:18.720 --> 1:04:21.400 this right back, but love it. Uh. They showed people 1:04:21.520 --> 1:04:24.360 random faces of strangers and gave them five names to 1:04:24.400 --> 1:04:27.800 pick from. They were right. Thirty five percent of the time. 1:04:27.880 --> 1:04:30.760 It happened to pure chance at the time. Right, that's 1:04:30.760 --> 1:04:32.720 pretty high. So they find that people with the same 1:04:32.800 --> 1:04:35.880 name tend to have similarities around their eyes and their 1:04:35.920 --> 1:04:40.760 mouths and faces will conform to your name, Like if 1:04:40.760 --> 1:04:43.800 your parents named you Dug, your face would be different 1:04:43.840 --> 1:04:47.560 than it is now subtly, not completely, but subtly, and 1:04:47.600 --> 1:04:49.600 people would say he looks more like a Dug because 1:04:49.600 --> 1:04:53.440 something happens to us. I find that that's very very interesting, 1:04:53.680 --> 1:04:55.840 really interesting. That makes me think, I guess I've seen 1:04:55.880 --> 1:04:58.160 that Office episode where Michael Scott goes on like a 1:04:58.240 --> 1:05:00.120 lecture circuit and he like goes in and walks into 1:05:00.160 --> 1:05:02.600 the room. He's like, I have this uh pneumatic system 1:05:02.600 --> 1:05:04.360 where I can look at someone's face and guess their name. 1:05:04.360 --> 1:05:06.240 And he looks at a guy and he goes, you 1:05:06.320 --> 1:05:08.560 have glasses, you have a bald head, your bald Your 1:05:08.640 --> 1:05:11.400 name is Brad. And he's like, yes, my name is Brad. 1:05:12.480 --> 1:05:14.560 That's exactly what this makes me think. Up. But it 1:05:14.640 --> 1:05:17.480 really is that if it's up, that's I mean, that's 1:05:17.480 --> 1:05:20.880 pretty conclusive. That's pretty interesting that you can pick people 1:05:20.920 --> 1:05:24.120 out like that. All Right, I suck at dating and 1:05:24.200 --> 1:05:26.240 I hurt Madia dot com. And Megan is curious about 1:05:26.240 --> 1:05:28.440 how you manage time spent with your significant other. I 1:05:28.480 --> 1:05:30.600 guess this is more of a question for Jared. I've 1:05:30.640 --> 1:05:35.280 had a significant other, and so do you too. Well, 1:05:35.280 --> 1:05:37.600 you have mart East and you guys have significant others. 1:05:37.600 --> 1:05:40.680 Dean has had a very public and private relationships. Well, 1:05:40.680 --> 1:05:42.960 Megan's concerned because her boyfriend live in a small town. 1:05:43.000 --> 1:05:44.600 They live three blocks away from each other, They have 1:05:44.640 --> 1:05:46.600 the same circle of friends, they have the same work 1:05:46.640 --> 1:05:50.040 from home schedule, their lives are completely integrated in one another. 1:05:50.880 --> 1:05:53.080 She knows the quality time is valuable, but they tend 1:05:53.160 --> 1:05:55.800 to be She tends to be codependent relationships, and she 1:05:55.800 --> 1:05:57.560 has a hard time turning on any opportunity to hang 1:05:57.560 --> 1:05:59.520 out with him, even if she needs a break. She 1:05:59.560 --> 1:06:01.360 also gets bummed if he spends time with a mutual 1:06:01.400 --> 1:06:03.320 friend and she's not invited to join. There's kind of 1:06:03.320 --> 1:06:06.000 a fomo thing going on there, So anyway, any tips 1:06:06.000 --> 1:06:09.080 on that is it is it unhealthy to be constantly 1:06:09.120 --> 1:06:12.200 with each other? Vanessa? So I've been in many rooms. 1:06:12.240 --> 1:06:15.000 Not many I've been in. Obviously, some of them have 1:06:15.040 --> 1:06:17.240 been successful, some of them have been asking. None of 1:06:17.240 --> 1:06:18.920 them have been them, not with any of them. But 1:06:19.040 --> 1:06:22.280 one thing that I did learn was my first relationship, 1:06:22.480 --> 1:06:27.400 I was so dependent on him. Um. He became my family, 1:06:27.440 --> 1:06:31.160 my friend by uh, like, we would work out together 1:06:31.720 --> 1:06:35.280 and to the point where if I found it too 1:06:35.560 --> 1:06:37.120 we asked to both found it too much, because at 1:06:37.120 --> 1:06:39.440 one point, you want to have you still want to 1:06:39.480 --> 1:06:45.240 have maintained your life before you meet your significant other, UM, 1:06:45.320 --> 1:06:48.200 and to keep that spark alive, you know, because then 1:06:48.200 --> 1:06:50.440 it just becomes like a routine and you do the 1:06:50.480 --> 1:06:52.640 same things over and over and over again. And like 1:06:52.680 --> 1:06:55.680 he said that she has he if he wait, I 1:06:55.720 --> 1:06:58.480 get bummed out if he he spends time with a 1:06:58.560 --> 1:07:01.840 mutual friend and she's not invited. Like that, You should 1:07:01.880 --> 1:07:05.240 have your circle of friends outside of your relationship, he said, 1:07:05.320 --> 1:07:08.040 be working in a different environment, you know, and then 1:07:08.080 --> 1:07:09.800 you come home and you tell each other stories and 1:07:09.840 --> 1:07:11.800 you bond. And that's why I like it's important for 1:07:11.840 --> 1:07:14.960 families to come together at the dinner time. Everyone has 1:07:15.000 --> 1:07:16.560 Like they wake up in the morning, they go out, 1:07:16.560 --> 1:07:18.080 they live their own life. They come back and at 1:07:18.080 --> 1:07:20.520 dinner they speak about like things that happened to them 1:07:20.520 --> 1:07:22.480 throughout the day, and they bond over food, and they 1:07:22.480 --> 1:07:25.960 bond over like sharing all these experiences. UM So, I 1:07:26.040 --> 1:07:29.680 personally think, UM, when I was younger, as much as 1:07:29.680 --> 1:07:32.320 I love being in that type of relationship where we 1:07:32.320 --> 1:07:34.680 were glue to each other right now, I find it 1:07:34.760 --> 1:07:38.040 super healthy. I wanted to find a relationships where I 1:07:38.080 --> 1:07:41.800 find it healthy to um, you know, be together, but 1:07:41.920 --> 1:07:44.560 not expensively be together. Yeah. I agree with that. You 1:07:44.600 --> 1:07:46.280 definitely need your own circle of friends. You need to 1:07:46.280 --> 1:07:47.800 be able to get out if you want to hang 1:07:47.800 --> 1:07:51.760 out with somebody that's not involved in your relationship. UM doan, 1:07:51.760 --> 1:07:54.600 Do you have any thoughts about this? Yeah? I do, 1:07:54.920 --> 1:07:57.080 I am. I think this kind of goes back to 1:07:57.120 --> 1:07:58.480 what I was talking about earlier of me just like 1:07:58.520 --> 1:08:00.120 wanted to do what I want when I want. I like, 1:08:01.080 --> 1:08:05.680 I like being able to go to places kind of 1:08:05.720 --> 1:08:08.160 like either by myse not necessary by myself, but like 1:08:08.560 --> 1:08:10.040 I like to go hang out with my friends without 1:08:10.040 --> 1:08:12.280 feeling guilty of not inviting the person that I'm maybe 1:08:12.480 --> 1:08:14.200 amp dating or my girlfriend or something like that, you know, 1:08:14.240 --> 1:08:16.479 because I feel like there's time that should be allotted 1:08:16.520 --> 1:08:19.400 for you spending with your friends. It changes the dynamic, 1:08:19.720 --> 1:08:22.120 you know very much. So, Um, sometimes you just need 1:08:22.160 --> 1:08:24.920 to like talk about your relationship without your significant other there. 1:08:25.040 --> 1:08:27.599 Whether it be it doesn't mean that they're saying bad things, 1:08:27.640 --> 1:08:30.080 just like it changes the dynamic of the conversation. And 1:08:30.080 --> 1:08:32.519 I've been very very guilty of this. I like, uh, 1:08:32.880 --> 1:08:34.200 here in Los Angeles, you know, I'll go to the 1:08:34.200 --> 1:08:38.360 beach with every week with my friends. Um. A while ago, 1:08:38.400 --> 1:08:40.799 I was like dating someone, uh, and it was a Sunday, 1:08:40.800 --> 1:08:42.519 I went to the beach with my friends, were playing volleyball, 1:08:42.560 --> 1:08:45.439 got back, uh, and this girl that I was dating, 1:08:45.560 --> 1:08:47.600 she was really upset with me for not inviting her 1:08:47.640 --> 1:08:49.559 to the beach to hang out with me and my friends. 1:08:49.600 --> 1:08:51.360 And I was like, well, honestly, like I just wanted 1:08:51.400 --> 1:08:54.200 to spend time with my friends. UM. And so it's 1:08:54.240 --> 1:08:55.960 like that's kind of what I'm saying from earlier. It's like, 1:08:56.000 --> 1:08:58.320 I, I I, I don't think it's appropriate for me to 1:08:58.320 --> 1:09:00.720 be bringing someone into that situation. I think codependence is 1:09:00.760 --> 1:09:04.320 good in some aspects, but it can be detrimental to 1:09:04.320 --> 1:09:07.959 a relationship, like in this instance. You know, yeah, yeah, 1:09:08.080 --> 1:09:13.840 I agree. So my advice for Megan is like, allow 1:09:13.880 --> 1:09:16.760 yourself some separation, maybe allow yourself to become more independent, 1:09:17.400 --> 1:09:19.679 because you definitely like, like, think about it this way, 1:09:19.720 --> 1:09:23.280 like if Megan and her boyfriend break up, then who's Megan? 1:09:23.479 --> 1:09:27.600 She's no longer the same person, right. These are the 1:09:27.640 --> 1:09:30.360 relationships that are more likely to become toxic because you 1:09:30.439 --> 1:09:32.679 literally can't live without each other, and so when issues 1:09:32.680 --> 1:09:35.599 pop up, you just have to kind of press it 1:09:35.640 --> 1:09:38.920 down inside and it ends up ugly, Like you've got 1:09:38.920 --> 1:09:40.679 to have a life outside your relationship. And that's scary. 1:09:40.840 --> 1:09:42.360 I feel like there's a lot of pressure to make 1:09:42.360 --> 1:09:45.040 the relationship working, you're that ingrained with that other person. 1:09:45.560 --> 1:09:47.160 And not that it's bad to have pressure to make 1:09:47.240 --> 1:09:51.519 relationship work, but it's like if you, I don't know, 1:09:51.600 --> 1:09:55.200 that's that's what scares me away from relationships. To be 1:09:55.280 --> 1:10:00.680 perfectly honest, it's scary. It's scary. That's like making the 1:10:00.680 --> 1:10:03.240 pressure of what what what cares you. The pressure of 1:10:03.280 --> 1:10:05.799 making it work scares you. The pressure of having someone 1:10:05.960 --> 1:10:09.519 be so dependent on me is scary. And it's also 1:10:09.560 --> 1:10:12.920 scary when you're very dependent on somebody else, Yes, absolutely, 1:10:13.000 --> 1:10:16.479 because then your happiness isn't dependent on them because you 1:10:16.520 --> 1:10:19.479 make your own happiness. Having said that, like when you're 1:10:19.520 --> 1:10:21.600 dependent on somebody and they break your heart, tell me 1:10:21.600 --> 1:10:25.640 a worse feeling, right, Yeah, exactly. I don't know. I 1:10:25.680 --> 1:10:27.920 think there's a lot of red flags ingrant in that 1:10:27.960 --> 1:10:31.960 situation with Megan and her boyfriend. But again, I mean, 1:10:32.080 --> 1:10:33.400 I think with a lot of these emails, we don't 1:10:33.400 --> 1:10:36.000 really know enough of the story to really makes judgment called. 1:10:36.680 --> 1:10:38.320 We do have to make judgment called. Yeah, I mean 1:10:38.360 --> 1:10:41.519 my judgment call would be um vocalized this. I know 1:10:41.680 --> 1:10:44.080 we are we like it's you know, communicate. We always 1:10:44.080 --> 1:10:46.160 say it in such a cliche, but it's true, like, 1:10:46.520 --> 1:10:50.719 you know, because you need you need a healthy balance, 1:10:50.920 --> 1:10:53.320 and right now it seems like maybe Megan on your side, 1:10:53.320 --> 1:10:58.320 you're not having that. And yeah, feel something's got to give. Fine, 1:10:58.760 --> 1:11:01.360 something that you love to do. You love paintings. Join 1:11:01.560 --> 1:11:03.640 a class for like to learn how to paint. If 1:11:03.640 --> 1:11:06.000 you want to work out, join a gym and you'll 1:11:06.040 --> 1:11:10.280 make a more you'll make a different circle of friends 1:11:10.360 --> 1:11:15.000 and you'll you'll feel less I guess, um stressed out 1:11:15.240 --> 1:11:18.160 or you know, less bummed. If your boyfriend is hanging 1:11:18.160 --> 1:11:21.800 out a circle of friends, they are mutual friends enough. 1:11:21.840 --> 1:11:24.160 You know, I think it's important to have like your 1:11:24.479 --> 1:11:28.439 own stuff going on, um, so that you're not when 1:11:28.439 --> 1:11:31.719 you're not doing anything. And I feel like sometimes it happens, 1:11:31.760 --> 1:11:34.680 you know, when you're like really invested in the relationships 1:11:34.720 --> 1:11:36.400 and you don't have anything to do, you think of 1:11:36.400 --> 1:11:39.320 the relationship and that's super unhealthy. So it's important to 1:11:39.360 --> 1:11:41.360 like have things going on in your life outside of 1:11:41.360 --> 1:11:44.000 the relationship so that you can keep your mind busy 1:11:44.160 --> 1:11:46.080 and you you know, you have other things going on 1:11:46.120 --> 1:11:49.280 other than uh, the relationship being the main focus in 1:11:49.280 --> 1:11:51.040 your life. Totally join a class, you know, that's what 1:11:51.120 --> 1:11:53.320 I do. Do, Join a club, Do something that like 1:11:53.360 --> 1:11:55.639 actively gets you out of the house without your significant other, 1:11:55.720 --> 1:11:58.799 something that you enjoy, something that makes you proud, maybe 1:11:58.880 --> 1:12:02.960 email podcasts as well dot com. All right, well that 1:12:03.000 --> 1:12:05.320 will do it for today's episode, My first episode back, 1:12:05.360 --> 1:12:07.559 and thank you guys once again for welcome welcoming you 1:12:07.600 --> 1:12:10.439 back with open arms. I was concerned that I just 1:12:10.520 --> 1:12:15.360 wasn't gonna be uh involved in the podcast anywhere Change 1:12:15.400 --> 1:12:20.599 the Keys. I'm very honored here perfect I guess that's 1:12:20.600 --> 1:12:26.120 true because Mark Easton and Jared Wow. Um, I'm honored 1:12:26.160 --> 1:12:28.439 to be back in studio with you guys. I honestly 1:12:28.439 --> 1:12:30.840 did miss you all very very much while I was gone. 1:12:31.120 --> 1:12:34.439 Miss um. We want to thank our sponsor, Yes, big 1:12:34.439 --> 1:12:37.120 thank you to our sponsors, Sugar Bear Hair and Beach 1:12:37.120 --> 1:12:38.960 Body on Demand for these hip hop abs and these 1:12:38.960 --> 1:12:41.000 beautiful walks that we all have. Thank you to Holly 1:12:41.000 --> 1:12:43.400 Martin for coming in studio. Definitely check out Holly Martin 1:12:43.479 --> 1:12:45.320 dot com. That's Martin with a Y not and I 1:12:45.520 --> 1:12:47.599 it certainly is. And thank you for the emails. Remember 1:12:47.880 --> 1:12:50.120 I Suck a Dating at i heeart media dot com. 1:12:50.120 --> 1:12:54.040 We love the emails. We love giving unsolicited bad advice. 1:12:54.240 --> 1:12:57.000 To keep them coming. We'll keep aetitioning it out. Be 1:12:57.160 --> 1:13:01.679 sure to tune in next weekend. Uh we should you go. Also, 1:13:01.680 --> 1:13:03.800 I just want to say joined the Facebook group. Uh 1:13:03.800 --> 1:13:06.559 it's help. I Suck a Dating podcast on Facebook. Definitely 1:13:06.560 --> 1:13:08.160 go check that out. We have a lot of discussion, 1:13:08.160 --> 1:13:10.280 there's a lot of members in there. Uh. We talk, 1:13:10.960 --> 1:13:13.280 We like leave messages on the Facebook totally. I talked 1:13:13.280 --> 1:13:14.800 to people all the time. Literally, at this point in 1:13:14.800 --> 1:13:16.960 my life, the only reason I get on Facebook is 1:13:17.000 --> 1:13:19.839 to go to the heart alight Suck at Dating Facebook 1:13:19.840 --> 1:13:22.679 group same here. I love hearing people tell stories about 1:13:22.680 --> 1:13:25.040 their dating and if they need any advice, and sometimes 1:13:25.080 --> 1:13:26.880 I'll comment back and I always read through them, and 1:13:27.160 --> 1:13:29.200 so definitely join the Facebook group Help I Suck a 1:13:29.280 --> 1:13:33.640 Dating podcast on Facebook um and also be sure to 1:13:33.640 --> 1:13:35.200 tune in next week for another episode of Help I 1:13:35.240 --> 1:13:37.120 Suck a Dating. Maybe next week we'll suck a little 1:13:37.120 --> 1:13:40.559 bit less. Follow help by Suck at Dating with Dean, 1:13:40.640 --> 1:13:43.559 Vanessa and Jared on I Heart Radio or wherever you 1:13:43.640 --> 1:13:44.479 listen to podcast