Speaker 1: Hell I Suck Good Dating with Dean, Vanessa and Jared
Speaker 1: and I Heart Radio podcast. Hey everybody, welcome back to
Speaker 1: an all new episode of Help I Suck At Dating.
Speaker 1: My name is Jared. I'm joined by the beautiful Vanessa
Speaker 1: gamal d Vanessa. Are you out there? How do you
Speaker 1: hear it? I hear you're loud and clear. Thanks for
Speaker 1: joining us and back in studio this week. It feels
Speaker 1: like it's been four years since this guy has been here.
Speaker 1: Ladies and gentlemen, thanks for having me back. Guys, I didn't.
Speaker 1: I missed a lot of things while I was away,
Speaker 1: but this might be the one thing that I missed
Speaker 1: the most. We missed you every Tuesday afternoon one pm,
Speaker 1: coming in seeing these beautiful faces in burd Bank. Here
Speaker 1: we go. What a time to be alive. Thank you
Speaker 1: so much for having me back. Thank you for allowing
Speaker 1: me to come back. Stop at this is your podcast.
Speaker 1: I'm just merely like guest, shut up. You filled in?
Speaker 1: I'm not filled in. I feel like the podcast. While
Speaker 1: I was away, he was even getting better reviews on
Speaker 1: the iTunes store than when I was here. I was
Speaker 1: reading some of them. There was no roast. They were
Speaker 1: all Oh my god, this podcast is drastically improved since
Speaker 1: Dean has left, never bringing back. So I mean, sorry, guys,
Speaker 1: but here I am. Please everybody wants you back. Team
Speaker 1: we all love you. Were also joined by Eastern and
Speaker 1: as always, the two wonderful men, and in studio we
Speaker 1: have a wonderful guest to start off our podcast. We
Speaker 1: have the wonderful Holly Martin. Holly, thank you so much
Speaker 1: for joining us. Thank you for having me on the show. Please,
Speaker 1: it's our pleasure. So Holly, uh, you know, talk about yourself,
Speaker 1: you when you have this fall coming out? Would it
Speaker 1: kill you to put on some some lipstick hopefully, But
Speaker 1: talk about that, talk about your dating history, talk about
Speaker 1: why you're here. Well, you know, first, when I found
Speaker 1: out the the title of the show, I feel completely
Speaker 1: qualified to be here because I still suck at dating, right.
Speaker 1: I don't think you know, I was thinking about it.
Speaker 1: Nobody for hundreds and hundreds of years has figured this
Speaker 1: stuff out, and we're not going to figure it out today.
Speaker 1: But it helps to talk about it helps, right, that
Speaker 1: progress at the end of that as long as we're
Speaker 1: making progress right, right. So my story is I've I've
Speaker 1: got twenty years on you, guys, I you don't look
Speaker 1: a day over thirty. I'm not talking about that. He
Speaker 1: looked wonderful. Thank you, thank you. But I think there's
Speaker 1: a distinct difference about dating in your forties after you've
Speaker 1: been married before versus you guys. You know you're ready
Speaker 1: to go to the altar next summer, right, I am. Yes,
Speaker 1: we are planning dates as we speak, right. And you know,
Speaker 1: there's a big psychology of what happens when you stand
Speaker 1: in front of anybody that you've ever you know, known
Speaker 1: your community, in front of people, and you make fouls
Speaker 1: and you commit to somebody and then it may or
Speaker 1: may not work. And what happens when you find yourself,
Speaker 1: you know, in your mid forties, and you know of
Speaker 1: marriages fail and you're you're really in a in a
Speaker 1: tough place. I was devastated, I was grieving and and
Speaker 1: I really triggered an identity crisis. Well, you've been divorced twice.
Speaker 1: I've been divorced twice, so even my do over had failed.
Speaker 1: How tough was that the second time? If you don't
Speaker 1: mind me asking, brutal, brutal, and and it actually was
Speaker 1: what UM prompted me to write my book because I
Speaker 1: was in so much pain. I was actually writing, trying
Speaker 1: to write novels, and I ended it up just realizing
Speaker 1: I have to write through this pain. And I was
Speaker 1: sitting in a spa, feeling sorry for myself. I had
Speaker 1: just broken up a boyfriend had dumped me that I
Speaker 1: had been dating. And this was after the two divorces. Yes, yes,
Speaker 1: And I'm sitting in a spa and I come across
Speaker 1: this magazine article and it's written um about a journalist
Speaker 1: who was widowed in her thirties, and she had waited,
Speaker 1: you know, the better part of her life to meet
Speaker 1: this love of her life. She gets pregnant. They they
Speaker 1: you know, they're ready to enjoy this baby. And her
Speaker 1: husband is stricken by cancer and dies and well, right
Speaker 1: like within a couple of months, and it's horrible. And
Speaker 1: she crosses paths with the late comedian Joan Rivers, and
Speaker 1: Joan Rivers looks at her and says, would it kill
Speaker 1: you to put on some lipsticks? Up right? And and
Speaker 1: it's and she said, set up an online account, go
Speaker 1: on a hundred dates, and you'll meet somebody. And I
Speaker 1: sat there at that spa and I thought, oh my god,
Speaker 1: maybe maybe this is the answer, and I had to
Speaker 1: find out and so that became the inspiration for my
Speaker 1: book Love It Well. And so how it tell us
Speaker 1: a little bit more about the hundred dates? Then, So
Speaker 1: did you go on a hundred dates? That's whatever, pretty
Speaker 1: darn closed and a couple of things. It's not a
Speaker 1: hundred guys, And I didn't sleep with a hundred guys,
Speaker 1: of course, right well, not not the implication whatsoever. But
Speaker 1: you're still going grabbing drinks, having dinner with these guys now,
Speaker 1: and there's multiple I mean, there ends up becoming really
Speaker 1: three main dates, three main characters, and then, um, you
Speaker 1: know the one off there, you know, two dates or
Speaker 1: something that I went on with within your story, you
Speaker 1: have pretty much three solid relationships that came from that. Um,
Speaker 1: I would say one solid relationship at the end. Um
Speaker 1: at one point I was dating. On the West Coast,
Speaker 1: I was dating a thirty three year old fireman, and
Speaker 1: on the East Coast I was dating a sixty two
Speaker 1: year old Boston Was this at the same time, Yes, yes,
Speaker 1: which which I have a follow up question for that too,
Speaker 1: is throughout the course of this year, on any given
Speaker 1: time or any given moment, how many guys. Were you
Speaker 1: dating simultaneously? I think I think the most at one
Speaker 1: point was four. That was just too much. Did they
Speaker 1: know about that you were dating on the guys? It was?
Speaker 1: And this is the other thing, is I you know
Speaker 1: you asked me? I was married twice and I was
Speaker 1: basically married to to David's ten years each and I
Speaker 1: ever I never dated in between. And the names were
Speaker 1: actually both David, Well they're not really named Dvid. Two guys,
Speaker 1: same names, like twenty years of the two girls, and
Speaker 1: I always names Privacy. And so I realized, like here
Speaker 1: in in my forties, I've never had my time. I've
Speaker 1: never had my time to date, and and I was clueless.
Speaker 1: And so I'm going into this pretty darn clueless. And
Speaker 1: so why do you think you were clus? Do you
Speaker 1: think you're cluse because you haven't dated in so long
Speaker 1: and the world was different? Is that? Like? How old
Speaker 1: were you when you first got married? Well? I got
Speaker 1: it was twenty seven, but I had been with that,
Speaker 1: you know, the man to become my husband, like for
Speaker 1: ten years, Like yeah, so we've been like twenties with
Speaker 1: one man and then thirties into forties with the second.
Speaker 1: And I didn't have children with my first husband, I
Speaker 1: had a child with my second and and so it
Speaker 1: was doubly painful because there was a child involved too, Right, Yeah,
Speaker 1: that's really tough. I'm it's like, I'm very weird to
Speaker 1: say because we just met. I'm proud of you for
Speaker 1: being so. I know that's a weird thing to say,
Speaker 1: but you can just tell how open you are about
Speaker 1: your relationships and your past and trying to really for
Speaker 1: our listeners give them advice about well, this is what
Speaker 1: I went through and hopefully this helps you in some way.
Speaker 1: That's really cool. And this book is this book is
Speaker 1: gonna be entirely nonfiction, right, like experiential stuff that you
Speaker 1: went through in your year off or do you? Yeah?
Speaker 1: I mean I I covered myself a little bit. It's like, well,
Speaker 1: I'm sure you gotta change names for sake of promise
Speaker 1: and not that kind of stuff. But it's memoir. Nice memoir, Okay,
Speaker 1: very cool, very cool. And you know, to your point, Jared,
Speaker 1: I think, what what I want people who listen to
Speaker 1: me read my book understand is that we can let
Speaker 1: go of this shame. I mean, it weighed me down,
Speaker 1: It kept me in a marriage that wasn't working, and
Speaker 1: a lot of it was I was worried about how
Speaker 1: other people would perceive. What would other people think? And think,
Speaker 1: how what do you mean negatively? Right? You know, it's funny,
Speaker 1: I'm at I don't know. I was in a in
Speaker 1: a bar in Toronto, UM a couple of months ago,
Speaker 1: and you know, this guy is chatting me up and
Speaker 1: he's like, well, are you married? And I said no,
Speaker 1: I'm divorced, and and he says how many times? And
Speaker 1: I said twice? And he goes to time loser. But
Speaker 1: you know what, it was actually a big moment for
Speaker 1: me because I realized that's what I had been fearing
Speaker 1: for years, the judgment, the judgment, and and the other
Speaker 1: thing that happened to me is I had a health
Speaker 1: crisis in my early forties and I started to realize that,
Speaker 1: you know, my time here could be really short. And
Speaker 1: do we want to make major life decisions about love, happiness,
Speaker 1: who we are based on what other people might think
Speaker 1: of us? And I realized that the that the person
Speaker 1: whose opinion matters the most is my own and I
Speaker 1: had lost my own self first backt oh, I can
Speaker 1: totally empathize with that, and I think for Deem myself,
Speaker 1: Vanessa um for us, I think sometimes we cater to
Speaker 1: social media, at least I do sometimes because I read
Speaker 1: comments and they really bug me. And then I realized
Speaker 1: that sometimes I do things to make sure I don't
Speaker 1: get bad comments, if that makes any sense. Well, I
Speaker 1: think you made a point earlier to when you said
Speaker 1: you were your approach of the opportunity to go on
Speaker 1: Bit Australia, and you're like, I hate the fact that
Speaker 1: the thing that's stopping me from going on that show
Speaker 1: must most is the criticism that I could potentially received
Speaker 1: from others. And so so Holly tears your point then
Speaker 1: for the listeners, because I feel like we do get
Speaker 1: a lot of listener feedback of people that have gone
Speaker 1: through a breakup and that are, you know, struggling to
Speaker 1: get back on the horse and kind of go through
Speaker 1: that whole um struggle. What do you kind of what
Speaker 1: kind of advice would you have for them to you know,
Speaker 1: I guess look past the potential judgment from our peers
Speaker 1: or whatever it might be, and I guess kind of
Speaker 1: allow yourself to to get back out there because it's challenging,
Speaker 1: whether it's a divorce, a break up a boyfriend, whatever
Speaker 1: it is, you know, right, And I think you know,
Speaker 1: there's no shame in trying to find love and not
Speaker 1: getting it right however, right, I mean, it's it's it's
Speaker 1: uh courageous to keep trying and to keep opening our
Speaker 1: hearts even though we might have scar tissue, you know.
Speaker 1: And the other thing that I learned on these hundred
Speaker 1: dates is is that it's not just about going out
Speaker 1: and trying to meet a guy, you know, It's about
Speaker 1: putting yourself out into the world, into the community. Um.
Speaker 1: One of the things I did in my book, as
Speaker 1: I told myself, I was never when I didn't have
Speaker 1: my daughter, I was never allowed to eat home alone. Right,
Speaker 1: I had to keep putting myself out there. So I would,
Speaker 1: you know, go out and I would eat by myself,
Speaker 1: and I would meet men, and I would meet women,
Speaker 1: and I made new friends and it totally opened up
Speaker 1: my world. Um. That that the decision to not stay home,
Speaker 1: not feel sorry for myself, and to actively bring new
Speaker 1: good people into my life has completely transformed. Have you
Speaker 1: always been like that? Because I remember reading as a
Speaker 1: young age you went you bought a one way ticket
Speaker 1: to tell Aviv and was like I'm soul searching right now.
Speaker 1: This is what I'm going to do. I'm traveling by myself,
Speaker 1: which is what Dean just did as well. Yeah, but
Speaker 1: you know what ended up happening was I, you know,
Speaker 1: so like like all of us, so many of us,
Speaker 1: I so badly wanted the traditional marriage and family. And
Speaker 1: so when I in both of my marriages, I completely
Speaker 1: gave myself over to the marriage, and I, you know it,
Speaker 1: became a wife, you know, a partner. But I realized
Speaker 1: that in the process I had ended up starting to
Speaker 1: give up some of my own identity. And and so
Speaker 1: while it was incredibly painful for me to end up
Speaker 1: being divorced twice, I see now looking back on it
Speaker 1: five six years later, that had I not gotten divorced,
Speaker 1: I would not be who I was meant to be.
Speaker 1: I am a stronger, more full developed version of who
Speaker 1: I am as a human being now, and had I
Speaker 1: stayed married, I don't know if I would be who
Speaker 1: I am now. Right. I think it's it's easy to
Speaker 1: kind of allow your own identity to not necessarily fade away,
Speaker 1: But when you're focusing so much on the relationship to marriage,
Speaker 1: whatever it is you do kind of lose sight of
Speaker 1: yourself for better for worse. I think a lot of
Speaker 1: people can get married and be perfectly okay with that
Speaker 1: of losing kind of that bit of individuality if they
Speaker 1: feel as a as a person before the relationship, right. Um.
Speaker 1: Some some couples do it better where they both kind
Speaker 1: of keep that individuality, and some do it where they
Speaker 1: prioritize the relationship. And I think there's definitely definitely different
Speaker 1: ways of doing it. Um. But if you go out
Speaker 1: and if you soul search, like you said, you traveled alone,
Speaker 1: I think that in and of itself kind of shows
Speaker 1: that you, I guess, care enough about you as an
Speaker 1: individual that you don't want to lose sight of that,
Speaker 1: which is great, right. I mean, in the end, don't
Speaker 1: we isn't a good relationship about two whole people coming together? Right?
Speaker 1: When I for my entire life out the exact same thing,
Speaker 1: where it's you should go living your life about the
Speaker 1: way that you decide and plan on living it, and
Speaker 1: eventually someone's gonna come in that's gonna complement that and
Speaker 1: not necessarily going to make you do anything differently. Right.
Speaker 1: So it's like this like utopian idea where I'm just
Speaker 1: gonna do everything that I want to do when I
Speaker 1: want to do it, and then someone's gonna come in
Speaker 1: and we're both gonna be doing our things together but separately,
Speaker 1: you know exactly, And and you know, we can make
Speaker 1: ourselves crazy about you know, is this right or wrong?
Speaker 1: But in the end you will know if it works,
Speaker 1: if that relationship works, it's just gonna feel natural and
Speaker 1: you're not going to have to grind gears too much
Speaker 1: on it. Yeah, we had a guess on a couple
Speaker 1: of weeks ago who said a relationship is in fifty
Speaker 1: it's on, and that people need to bring in one
Speaker 1: of themselves into the relationship and it shouldn't be of themselves,
Speaker 1: and then they keep fifty percent out like you need
Speaker 1: to bring yourself entirely in your individuality, you know, your
Speaker 1: good parts, your bad parts, all of those things. Um So,
Speaker 1: I mean obviously this begs the question, Holly, are are
Speaker 1: you dating? Are you single? What's going on with you?
Speaker 1: What's the status? Okay, so the status is it's early days.
Speaker 1: Um Met a really wonderful guy. I've only been dating
Speaker 1: him for a month. He is kind of freaked out
Speaker 1: about what it consiminating for sure. He said, I feel
Speaker 1: like I'm dating Carrie Bradshaw. That's amazing. And he said,
Speaker 1: so is he more eighten or big? He's his own guy.
Speaker 1: That's the best answer. You know, he really is one
Speaker 1: of a kind. And so he asked me not to
Speaker 1: talk about us. So he said, a very firm boundary,
Speaker 1: and I'm going to respect it because he's worth it. Right,
Speaker 1: that's amazing to hear. Great and necessary, I feel like,
Speaker 1: especially when I think in a relationship where one party
Speaker 1: has a voice publicly and the other maybe is not
Speaker 1: necessarily interest or doesn't have it, it's very important to
Speaker 1: those boundaries, I feel like too. Yeah, especially if you
Speaker 1: cherish and value the relationship. It's great that you guys
Speaker 1: were able to kind of figure that out beforehand, right
Speaker 1: it is? And and what's you know what's nice? You know?
Speaker 1: The positive about dating in your forties and into your
Speaker 1: fifties is hopefully by this time, you know you know
Speaker 1: who you are, Like, you know the guy I'm dating,
Speaker 1: he knows who he is, and he knows what he
Speaker 1: wants and and he's strong in him in his convictions. Um,
Speaker 1: I think another thing that's really interesting about where I'm
Speaker 1: at in my life versus where you guys are is
Speaker 1: that I've had my babies, right, you know, biology sets
Speaker 1: us up. So the partners that you know, Vanessa, you
Speaker 1: and you both are looking for are potentially you know,
Speaker 1: the mother and fathers of your children. And you know,
Speaker 1: now here I am twenty years later, I've had my babies.
Speaker 1: The partner that I'm looking for is very different. Actually, Um,
Speaker 1: it's it's the man or the woman to spend the
Speaker 1: second half of your life with, and it may be
Speaker 1: very different than who you might choose to to raise
Speaker 1: a family with. That's an interesting point you make too,
Speaker 1: And it's very evident. I feel like, because I'm in
Speaker 1: my late twenties now, I would ta late twenty is right. Yeah,
Speaker 1: And you can see how women maybe in their thirties
Speaker 1: or so. I know. Vaness actually spoken on this a
Speaker 1: couple of times. Is you know, it's kind of unfair
Speaker 1: because there's a biological clock that you have to take
Speaker 1: into account when you're considering relationships. Um, but I guess
Speaker 1: once that clock has expired because you've already gotten you know,
Speaker 1: you have a daughter. You said, yes, which is fantastic.
Speaker 1: Oh we don't have to we call her David David everyone.
Speaker 1: You know what in the book, her name is easy.
Speaker 1: We call her after the Pokemon, Right, I was like
Speaker 1: an easy um. But once once that's fulfilled and you
Speaker 1: don't necessarily have that as a requirement for a relationship,
Speaker 1: It's interesting to see how that could evolve the suitors
Speaker 1: that you're then looking for from that point forward. So yeah,
Speaker 1: and you know, that's that's what I ended up doing
Speaker 1: when I started dating again. As I thought, you know,
Speaker 1: I'm going to just rid my mind of any pre
Speaker 1: preconceived idea of who I should be dating, you know,
Speaker 1: based on age, race, income, all of that. Right, you
Speaker 1: know who I should be dating just see who I
Speaker 1: connect with. I think that's evident by the forty year
Speaker 1: gap between the West Coast boyfriend and these ghost boyfriends,
Speaker 1: which is fantastic. Highly recommend dating fireman, I really do.
Speaker 1: Why is that? Wow? They're just in good shape, all right.
Speaker 1: I guess I gotta find me a fireman. That's so Holly,
Speaker 1: Just say, if you could give one piece of advice
Speaker 1: to all the listeners out there who might be going
Speaker 1: through similar things with you, whether it be breakups, divorces,
Speaker 1: kind of trying to get themselves back on their feet.
Speaker 1: What would your best advice be, Put yourself out there,
Speaker 1: And it doesn't have to be online. It just means
Speaker 1: leaving the house and get out into your community, eat
Speaker 1: dinner once a week by yourself, get off your phone,
Speaker 1: look up and talk to people. That's I think that's
Speaker 1: the biggest challenge I could. I can empathize with that
Speaker 1: being difficult because I just love sitting on my couch
Speaker 1: and not doing That's all I do is on the
Speaker 1: couch each chip and right right right, I say that
Speaker 1: to my my girlfriends. I mean, unless there's a home invasion,
Speaker 1: you're not going to meet anybody right now, You're right.
Speaker 1: And it's increasingly more difficult to leave the oals because
Speaker 1: there's just so many options and distractions, Like why would
Speaker 1: I ever want to leave the couch when everything I
Speaker 1: want is right there? And I mean there's something to
Speaker 1: be said about internet dating that you can do that
Speaker 1: from home as well. But I know you said you
Speaker 1: are an advocate for that, right internet dating. I am, yes,
Speaker 1: I am, um. I mean I've met wonderful people you know,
Speaker 1: online real life and also set ups. Um, I am.
Speaker 1: I am sort of finding that the best people I
Speaker 1: meet or or when somebody says, hey, I have a
Speaker 1: great friend I want you to meet, and or just
Speaker 1: someone you meet in real life, as you were saying,
Speaker 1: when you're out there just doing your and then you
Speaker 1: connect with like minded people. There's a there's a short
Speaker 1: story written by bj Novak, who is an executive producer
Speaker 1: on the Office, my all time favorite show, uh the
Speaker 1: books called One More Thing. I don't know if I
Speaker 1: ever talked about this on the podcast, but a collection
Speaker 1: of short stories and j Novac is hilarious. He's a genius.
Speaker 1: He writes a story where if and when he's ready
Speaker 1: to fall in love with someone, that he's going to
Speaker 1: wear a red, bright red shirt wherever he goes, and
Speaker 1: then he's just gonna do everything he would do regularly,
Speaker 1: like not have to worry about anything else. At the
Speaker 1: end of every single day, he would go on Craigslist
Speaker 1: miss missed Connections and just type in red shirt, and
Speaker 1: then he would see what everyone is saying about him
Speaker 1: wearing the red shirt, and he knows that that person
Speaker 1: would then fall for him for being exactly who he
Speaker 1: is at any given moment. You know what I mean? Wait,
Speaker 1: would you ever meet up with his miss connections? Well,
Speaker 1: it's like a it's a fictional short story, but it's
Speaker 1: just like a funny thing to do. It's like because
Speaker 1: you just go out and live your life, to you
Speaker 1: what you're gonna do, and then like you see, if
Speaker 1: if it draws anyone into you, then that's the person
Speaker 1: that could potentional to be the one that's for you.
Speaker 1: It's just like it's a funny, I don't know, ironic
Speaker 1: way to meet someone you know. Isn't red like completely
Speaker 1: symbolic of love? And actually actually say, I think psychologically,
Speaker 1: if you're wearing red, you're actually more attractive to the opposite. Really, Yeah,
Speaker 1: I don't know where I got that from, but I
Speaker 1: think I could just be making it somewhere. D Nobody
Speaker 1: is wearing red in this Red is my least favorite color,
Speaker 1: and I don't think I've ever worn red. Yeah, really,
Speaker 1: you've never seen in red. It's just it's not my color.
Speaker 1: I see a lot of grays, blues, and yeah, maybe
Speaker 1: occasionally green camels of cameras. So, Holly, what are you
Speaker 1: up to now? So I've actually begun work in my
Speaker 1: second book. Um, and what was the name of your
Speaker 1: first book? I'm sorry it's called would it kill you
Speaker 1: to put on some lipsticks a year in a hundred dates.
Speaker 1: So that's my first baby, and I want to get
Speaker 1: that book out into the world starting the fall. For
Speaker 1: the listeners doing math at home, that's one day every
Speaker 1: three point six five days. That's a lot of dates.
Speaker 1: That's it's two days a week. And you don't even
Speaker 1: have a calculator from you just do that math in
Speaker 1: your head. It's kind of impressive, it really is, UM
Speaker 1: and so and so. Then what happened is I started
Speaker 1: to think about, um, you know where I'm Where am
Speaker 1: I now at this point in my life. I'm comfortable
Speaker 1: with being single, I'm still been to finding love and
Speaker 1: on the heels of another breakup. I find myself in
Speaker 1: December of just this last year, I have three weeks
Speaker 1: um and I'm alone, and I just I tell myself
Speaker 1: and I sort of last minute, I'm spending Christmas the
Speaker 1: holidays by myself, and I thought, you know, I'm not
Speaker 1: going to sit here and wallow in this. I gotta
Speaker 1: do something. So I told myself, I need to go
Speaker 1: to three new places by myself that I'd never been before.
Speaker 1: And it was last minute because it was the holiday.
Speaker 1: So I my first place I booked put to me
Speaker 1: to Mexico. Second place I went to was Copenhagen for Christmas,
Speaker 1: and then the third was Lisbon for New Year's And
Speaker 1: then when I was in Copenhagen, I got a bonus
Speaker 1: country in because my writer friend said, you just got
Speaker 1: to take the train over to Malmo, Sweden. You can
Speaker 1: get a train across the water. And she said, my
Speaker 1: brother is a mime. You need to me. Yeah. So
Speaker 1: he's actually very very cool. And so my book, I
Speaker 1: think the title is going to be called Drinking with Mimes,
Speaker 1: so and and and so that that whole trip ended
Speaker 1: up becoming the most crazy adventure, and it I came home,
Speaker 1: I mean, just a different person in a way. I mean,
Speaker 1: both of you guys can answer this. What is traveling
Speaker 1: alone for an extended period of time and new places
Speaker 1: that you've never been do for your character, for your
Speaker 1: for your soul so to speak. Okay, So, so one
Speaker 1: of the things I've noticed traveling by myself as a
Speaker 1: woman is yeah, I'm vulnerable. I have to pay attention
Speaker 1: to safety, but I'm also more approachable and and so
Speaker 1: I tend to meet wonderful people. So when I'm right,
Speaker 1: when I'm traveling. When i'm you know, in this book,
Speaker 1: I'm looking for new stories from the people that I meet,
Speaker 1: and I'm hoping maybe there's a little romance or someone
Speaker 1: I'm going to meet. And and what happens is if
Speaker 1: you if you trust your intuition and just keep yourself open,
Speaker 1: wonderful things will happen. Um. You know, when I showed
Speaker 1: up in Lisbon for New Year's this year, I had
Speaker 1: no plans. I didn't know what I was going to do,
Speaker 1: and I was wandering around the city by myself, and
Speaker 1: I see this small palace and I think, oh, this
Speaker 1: looks interesting. And I wander in and see that it's
Speaker 1: actually been turned in brand new, turned into a um,
Speaker 1: someone has just turned it into a hotel and there's
Speaker 1: a restaurant, and so I decide I'm going to go
Speaker 1: there tonight by myself. So I go there and UM,
Speaker 1: I'm meeting alone and everyone's sort of staring at me
Speaker 1: like I'm some kind of free and and the wait
Speaker 1: staff comes over and says, you know you're you're alone.
Speaker 1: I really think you should meet the owner of the hotel.
Speaker 1: So incomes a man. He's he's probably six ft seven,
Speaker 1: wearing a long, black, custom made cape, so not as
Speaker 1: tall as Dean and my saw yeah, and he's playing
Speaker 1: for the other team. He's but he takes me under
Speaker 1: his wing and he says, I want to take you.
Speaker 1: Just wanted to clarify no, and he's and he has this.
Speaker 1: It turns out the palace has the second highest best
Speaker 1: view of Portugal or sorry, off Lisbon. So we go
Speaker 1: up there, we drink port and we have grand old time.
Speaker 1: We tell each other our life stories. And he says,
Speaker 1: I'm having a New Year's Eve party tomorrow night, and
Speaker 1: I would like you to come as my guest. And
Speaker 1: that's a whole other story. I met all over the world.
Speaker 1: I had my New Year's Eve was you know, church
Speaker 1: bells ringing all across Lisbon, fireworks for as far as
Speaker 1: the eye can see, and new people. And I realized
Speaker 1: that by doing this, by putting myself out there, trusting
Speaker 1: my intuition and taking a risk, look at how wonderful
Speaker 1: my life can be. Oh absolutely, I mean listen, if
Speaker 1: it's socially acceptable to wear a cape, and you would
Speaker 1: be the first walk around with Holly. Thank you so
Speaker 1: much for joining us. This was wonderful. Everybody, you can
Speaker 1: go find Holly at Holly Martin dot com. Can you
Speaker 1: tell us well else people can find you a little
Speaker 1: bit about your website. Yes, so Holly Martin dot com
Speaker 1: and Martin is spelled m A R T y N
Speaker 1: and um social media. I'm at Holly L. Martin? What's
Speaker 1: what's the hell are you? I always asked names? So
Speaker 1: curious David's love finding out more names. I don't know why, Holly. Well,
Speaker 1: thank you so much for joining us. Book comes out
Speaker 1: you said later this year. Yet, well we're hoping to
Speaker 1: announce this this fall. Okay, awesome, we'll just right here
Speaker 1: at help I second dating. We need someone to publish
Speaker 1: this because I want to read this book. Absolutely. What
Speaker 1: to put on some kill? You to put on some lipstick? Exactly? Um,
Speaker 1: be sure to check it out bookshelves. End of the year,
Speaker 1: Holly Martin dot com. In the meantime, we'll start go
Speaker 1: back with you later on maybe once it gets published.
Speaker 1: Plug it again. See how the second one is coming along.
Speaker 1: Thank you so much, you guys. Well that was wonderful, Holly.
Speaker 1: She was so sweet, wasn't she she was? She's she's
Speaker 1: It's not often where you meet someone and so quickly.
Speaker 1: Just want to see them win. You know. I feel
Speaker 1: like with some with someone so open and honest about
Speaker 1: the struggles and the failures that they've had in life,
Speaker 1: it's just like you just want them. What's the best
Speaker 1: for them? You know. Yeah, she's very vulnerable, and she's
Speaker 1: also bringing she brought like a warmness around it, very sweet. Um,
Speaker 1: you know what else she has from? Oh? I was
Speaker 1: gonna say, I'm not in studio, and I didn't get
Speaker 1: the chance to, like, um, have a conversation with you guys?
Speaker 1: Does my phone cut off? But I was wondering, probably
Speaker 1: the same question you're asking herself. Do you have great hair? Vanessa?
Speaker 1: She had such great hair. There's only one thing that
Speaker 1: she could possibly be using in order to get such
Speaker 1: wonderful hair like that. What do you think it is?
Speaker 1: Do you know what we're talking about? I have no idea.
Speaker 1: Can someone please tell me more? So? I was actually
Speaker 1: I'm in New York City and I was with Kayla
Speaker 1: today and I was just staring at her and I'm like,
Speaker 1: your hair it's so thick and lustus and so anyways,
Speaker 1: I'm in New York. I'm m I flew in last
Speaker 1: night and I brought with me my actual my trouble
Speaker 1: sizes of sugar Bear gummies. Um, they're so delicious, the
Speaker 1: only supposed to take to a day, but they're so irresistible.
Speaker 1: So if you can picture any celebrity with amazing hair,
Speaker 1: you can best to have a styles to clove them into.
Speaker 1: The Sugar Bear Hair Cigar Bear Hair is a bestseller
Speaker 1: on Amazon with thousands of rave reviews. I've been using
Speaker 1: it for probably now over a year. Um, I keep
Speaker 1: talking about it. I've seen the quality of my hair
Speaker 1: gets thicker, my nails. Um, they taste like sweet, delicious
Speaker 1: candy made with juice of real berries, but they contain
Speaker 1: everything you need for stronger and healthier hair. As much
Speaker 1: vitamin A as four cups of brocili, as much vitamin
Speaker 1: C as one cup of cranberries, and as much vitamin
Speaker 1: D twelve as four organic eggs. Nutrients and Bear hair
Speaker 1: fans also found their nails and skin it improves over time,
Speaker 1: and I can attest to that well. I mean it
Speaker 1: sounds like the best product in the world. I mean
Speaker 1: I know that actually used sugar Bear hair. I know
Speaker 1: Dean uses it. Because there's no possible way your hair
Speaker 1: could be so perfect without this. My favorite thing about
Speaker 1: it is it just taste delicious. It does taste pretty awesome.
Speaker 1: You definite should eat more than recommended, But I could
Speaker 1: eat those things all day long, a huge bag of them.
Speaker 1: It's only supposed to be to your day, but yes,
Speaker 1: you will only eat to a day, and we're telling
Speaker 1: you that. So all you guys have to do is
Speaker 1: go to sugar Bear Hair dot com slash help. You
Speaker 1: go there for beautiful hair and a healthier you that
Speaker 1: sugar Bear hair dot com slash help go check it out, guys.
Speaker 1: Now moving on to the question that we all have
Speaker 1: on our minds, Dean, you've been away for so long?
Speaker 1: Are you still single? Did you meet the love of
Speaker 1: your life? You ever? Traveling? Was that on everyone's mind? Well?
Speaker 1: I was thinking, because I was. I was thinking to myself.
Speaker 1: You know, you've been away for a while, you've been traveling.
Speaker 1: I wonder what his dating life has been like and
Speaker 1: if you if you met the one internationally? You guys,
Speaker 1: I'm engaged to be married. Yeah, for real, I met
Speaker 1: a girl. Uh No, I don't know. It's I think
Speaker 1: traveling alone. I'm not really one that goes out to
Speaker 1: drinks by myself. So it's so funny because Holly was
Speaker 1: here and she's like, just get off the couch, go
Speaker 1: outside and like do stuff and meet people. And I'm like, yeah,
Speaker 1: that's great, But I like spent the entire days like exploring,
Speaker 1: walking around, like doing activities that I wanted to do.
Speaker 1: You've met interesting people along the way, people that I
Speaker 1: guess you were, Um, I mean I did, but it
Speaker 1: wasn't it wasn't my like, it wasn't my objective to
Speaker 1: meet a person while I was traveling to date, and
Speaker 1: I only exactly, I only spent like three to four
Speaker 1: days max in each country that I visited, so I
Speaker 1: was moving around very like a lot. And so it's
Speaker 1: like like if I was maybe in a place for
Speaker 1: a week or two weeks, then you kind of like
Speaker 1: familiarize yourself a little bit more, you know, and you
Speaker 1: kind of have the ability to go potentially meet someone.
Speaker 1: But again, it wasn't really that high on my list.
Speaker 1: There were moments where, like when I went to Indonesia
Speaker 1: and Greece and Amsterdam, I met up with some of
Speaker 1: my friends from Los Angeles and their their mindsets were
Speaker 1: so much different than mine. It was like in Greece,
Speaker 1: for instance, it was me and three my buddies and
Speaker 1: they were just like, let's go out and party and
Speaker 1: like try and talk to girls. And I'm just like,
Speaker 1: I really do not want to be doing that, but
Speaker 1: like obviously I did, like I went out with I
Speaker 1: don't want to go I'll see at the club exactly,
Speaker 1: and it was fun. It's just like it wasn't necessarily
Speaker 1: maybe what I would be doing. That's kind of the
Speaker 1: funny thing that that I realized on this trip is
Speaker 1: I have too very prominent but very conflicting ideas that
Speaker 1: I always want to make the people around me happy
Speaker 1: and like do what they want to do. So like
Speaker 1: someone like let's go to the club, I'm like, all right,
Speaker 1: let's do it. But then on the other hand, I'm
Speaker 1: always like I just want to do what I want
Speaker 1: when I want to do it. And so it's like
Speaker 1: these two things that are like so conflicting but so
Speaker 1: like me. I guess it's nice sometimes to get out
Speaker 1: of your comfort zone and do things that you're not
Speaker 1: used to doing, you know, I know I fully agree,
Speaker 1: but I feel like one of those things are let's
Speaker 1: go to the bar and get hammered. It's just like, Okay,
Speaker 1: we've done that a thousand times before. It is that
Speaker 1: really outside my comfort zone? If I've done it a
Speaker 1: million times? And I mean that's fine, Like it's it's
Speaker 1: fun and like I enjoy I enjoy spending time with
Speaker 1: my friends and acting like morons, um like I've got
Speaker 1: some do that enough of the podcast? Do you really
Speaker 1: need to go out? And especially when you add alcohol
Speaker 1: into the equation, like I'm I'm enough of an idiot sober,
Speaker 1: and then you get me drunk, I just become an
Speaker 1: even bigger idiot. Do you walk up to a lot
Speaker 1: of girls when you're drunk? Do you like approach a
Speaker 1: lot of you know, that's a good question. I don't
Speaker 1: think I do. I'm so cure black out half that
Speaker 1: I black out. I just uh huh. You are? You
Speaker 1: are friendlier when you're I mean you're friendly period, but
Speaker 1: you're friendlier when you're a little bit more toxic. I'm
Speaker 1: a very affectionate person and that definitely shines through after
Speaker 1: a couple of drinks. I used to be more scared
Speaker 1: to approach a girl when I was drunk. Why then
Speaker 1: I was sober because I was because I was to
Speaker 1: the point where I was drunk, but I was still
Speaker 1: self aware, so I knew that there's potential I could
Speaker 1: be slurring my words or being or not speaking as
Speaker 1: intelligently as I want to because I'm three or four
Speaker 1: drinks a little inebriated, exactly. There was a back to
Speaker 1: the to the earlier point. There was a girl I
Speaker 1: met up with in Japan. She like deemed me um,
Speaker 1: and she was like, hey, like, I'm from Aspen, I
Speaker 1: live in Japan now. And I was like, oh, this
Speaker 1: girl's from the same town as me, and she's in
Speaker 1: Japan like a local. So like I met up with
Speaker 1: her and her mother like she just like where I
Speaker 1: can't hear as I'm sorry. It's very it's very nice
Speaker 1: to get a local perspective of the city that you've
Speaker 1: never been to before. So there were a couple instances
Speaker 1: where I was like, okay, like yeah, I'd love to
Speaker 1: have you showed me around, like what good restaurants whatever
Speaker 1: it is um. And It's funny because Japan was the
Speaker 1: first top of my trip, and then when I went
Speaker 1: to Indonesia and I was like fully alone again for
Speaker 1: a little bit, I was like, oh wow, like I
Speaker 1: really I like missed her, you know, like I spent
Speaker 1: like a day walking around with her and her mom,
Speaker 1: and then we like went down to like some museum together.
Speaker 1: This is a girl who randomly split into your yes,
Speaker 1: but she was she we had a lot of mutual
Speaker 1: We had a lot of mutual friends, and she was
Speaker 1: from the same town as me growing up, and so
Speaker 1: I felt comfortable enough with going along with that. And
Speaker 1: like we didn't like do anything, like, we didn't cast
Speaker 1: so we didn't like I don't even think we like
Speaker 1: hugged each other anything like that. But there was like
Speaker 1: a point where I was like fully alone. I was like, wow,
Speaker 1: like I really I kind of missed this girl, which
Speaker 1: is just weird. So what did you do about I mean,
Speaker 1: I didn't really do anything. I was just like, there's
Speaker 1: no reason for meeting missing here. It's like I just
Speaker 1: think I just am lonely right now. And that's like
Speaker 1: the last genuine human interaction that I had. So that's
Speaker 1: kind of what I was like remembering. You know. Interesting.
Speaker 1: So where was so you traveled? I mean, can you
Speaker 1: give just like a short little explanation where you actually went. Yeah,
Speaker 1: I went l A to Japan and then Japan, I
Speaker 1: went to Tokyo, Kyoto, Hiroshima, and then Indonesia, and then Malaysia, Singapore, Greece, Paris, Amsterdam, Ireland, Iceland,
Speaker 1: New York, and then I landed in Los Angeles last end.
Speaker 1: At eleven. People literally traveled around the world and that
Speaker 1: was the thing too. I like, yeah, so I bought
Speaker 1: one of my tickets in Japan, and then I had
Speaker 1: friends in Indonesia, like I said yeah, and then I
Speaker 1: was like, okay, I'm gonna meet them Indonesia. And then
Speaker 1: my friend was like, Hey, I'm going to be in
Speaker 1: Greece this day. You should come, and I was like okay.
Speaker 1: And then so I was already like I was already
Speaker 1: like a third of the way around the world, and
Speaker 1: I was like, oh, it would be interesting to just
Speaker 1: continuously go west. And then that's just kind of how
Speaker 1: I mean. It was like it's the first ever solo
Speaker 1: trip I've done. It was maybe like the longest duration
Speaker 1: of traveling I've done outside of the Bachelorette when I
Speaker 1: was gone for eight weeks. This was five weeks um
Speaker 1: and I didn't really do any planning. People always like
Speaker 1: would reach out to me and like they're they're like, hey,
Speaker 1: I Ke'm planning a trip, but I don't know how
Speaker 1: to like plan it, and you seem to be really
Speaker 1: good at kind of figuring out what you're gonna do next.
Speaker 1: I'm every time that I would respond to be like no,
Speaker 1: like I don't even have my hotel room book for tomorrow. Um,
Speaker 1: like all this like stuff and stuff that I would
Speaker 1: just do like days in advance. So do you stay
Speaker 1: in a lot of hostels? No, I'm not a hostile guy.
Speaker 1: Where did you stay in? And you stayed in hotels? Okay?
Speaker 1: There was first about that because I know a lot
Speaker 1: of people that travel by themselves are backpack europe holes
Speaker 1: and the like. I wish I was better at it
Speaker 1: because like it's a ten dollars a night versus a
Speaker 1: hundred dollars and night. You know. Um, there was a
Speaker 1: there was a hostile I said in Japan, but it
Speaker 1: was a bed and book so it was like a
Speaker 1: big bookcase on the wall and then like carved into
Speaker 1: the bookcase for beds. So it's like just it was
Speaker 1: like a unique click, I don't know what to call it,
Speaker 1: like a niche to let something like that. Yeah, I've
Speaker 1: seen the movie too many times, like I'm maybe and
Speaker 1: maybe I'm just that weirdo. I haven't seen the movie.
Speaker 1: Oh don't if you ever want to stay in Hustle,
Speaker 1: do not say um because I was curius about that. Yeah,
Speaker 1: you know where like they just kill each other in
Speaker 1: that scream. Easton is showing us something on the computer
Speaker 1: screen right now. Oh like you, he's showing us. He's
Speaker 1: showing us beds carved into a bookcase. In Seinfeld, they
Speaker 1: supped an addresser, and that's what I thought of pretty
Speaker 1: much the same thing, right right, Yeah, so pretty much
Speaker 1: Cramer would have been your hotel man. I can do hustles, though,
Speaker 1: maybe four or five years ago. I just like I
Speaker 1: like my personal space too much. I like the ability
Speaker 1: to like just kind of sprawl out and put all
Speaker 1: my stuff everywhere. It's so funny when you said your
Speaker 1: buddy was like, Hey, come to Greece. All I can
Speaker 1: think about was like last week somebody was like, Hey,
Speaker 1: come to coffee Bean in Burbank, And last week Dean
Speaker 1: was like, Hey, somebody come to Greece. Let's just come
Speaker 1: over here for the day. Yeah. I don't know. It
Speaker 1: was it's like, you know, you're traveling, so you might
Speaker 1: as well, absolutely, there's your favorite spot. Uh, there were
Speaker 1: a few favorite spots in Japan. I'd always wanted to
Speaker 1: visit Tokyo. I'm a big like anime um and video
Speaker 1: game nerds, so it was like nice to kind of
Speaker 1: see the birthplace of those places, like the Nintendo Eastern
Speaker 1: and I talked about Nintendo over every once in a while,
Speaker 1: and um, I mean I had like a couple of
Speaker 1: video game tattoos. So it was cool to see that.
Speaker 1: Vali was one of the most like naturally beautiful places
Speaker 1: I've ever been to. But the cliff you should absolutely
Speaker 1: the Cliffs of Moore in Ireland. So um, I posted
Speaker 1: a video of my drone crashing because it was like
Speaker 1: really windy. I don't know how it just it failed,
Speaker 1: but it was like super windy. And you can like
Speaker 1: leave the tourist section like joke, like over a fence,
Speaker 1: like walk down these like kind of sketchy paths with
Speaker 1: like wind gusts like like blowing at you, and like
Speaker 1: these big steep cliffs. So like not many people go
Speaker 1: down there because it's kind of scary. Um and I
Speaker 1: walked like a mile down to this peninsula. I was
Speaker 1: completely by myself, like no one within a like a
Speaker 1: square mile of me, and the wind was like howling,
Speaker 1: so you could I couldn't even hear yourself like breathing basically,
Speaker 1: and I was like running around like a complete maniac,
Speaker 1: like yelling at the top of my lungs, like this
Speaker 1: is so awesome. I've never been to such a cool
Speaker 1: place in my entire life. And I was like, I
Speaker 1: was like every time I turned my head and like
Speaker 1: face a different direction, I was like, this is the
Speaker 1: most insane thing I've ever seen in my entire life.
Speaker 1: Like the cliffs and the sun was like like shining
Speaker 1: through the clouds, and the waves like crashing on the
Speaker 1: beach below. I would like it completely blew my mind.
Speaker 1: I was like I felt sad leaving because I was like,
Speaker 1: I know, I'm not going to be back here, if ever,
Speaker 1: for a very long time. So it was like, this
Speaker 1: is like the most naturally beautiful place I've ever been
Speaker 1: to my entire life. That was my favorite part of
Speaker 1: all of your social posts was that those cliffs, Like,
Speaker 1: oh my god, that's the most beautiful thing in the world.
Speaker 1: And I felt so anyone that's my friend on Snapchat
Speaker 1: I kind of felt bad for because I kept sending
Speaker 1: them snapchats of me just like like freaking out, like
Speaker 1: oh my god, look at this, and then like they
Speaker 1: were probably watching on their phones like yeah, that's cool,
Speaker 1: but like being there in person, it was it just
Speaker 1: absolutely blew my mind. And Corfu there's it's a small
Speaker 1: island in the the north that Greece was absolutely beautiful, and
Speaker 1: Iceland was really cool as well. I mean everything was
Speaker 1: really cool, but everything was so different than it's probably
Speaker 1: hard to compare. I think the thing that I didn't like,
Speaker 1: like my least favorite was maybe Paris. I think it
Speaker 1: was a little hyped with touristy ye, not as friendly
Speaker 1: as other countries you visited. Yeah, I would say out
Speaker 1: of the ones that I visited, probably was the least friendly.
Speaker 1: But that's never I think Jed and I talked about
Speaker 1: this a little bit when I called in from Paris. Actually,
Speaker 1: uh Is. I think the power of kindness works so
Speaker 1: well in our daily lives, but it even works so
Speaker 1: much better when you're traveling, Like you don't speak the
Speaker 1: same language as someone in you know, either Japan or Indonesia,
Speaker 1: w whatever it is. But like if you're like genuinely
Speaker 1: like curious and interested in kind to the person that
Speaker 1: you're talking to. Like, I think that I was able
Speaker 1: to experience a lot more things better because of the
Speaker 1: I guess reception that people had to the amount of
Speaker 1: kindness that you're able to share with them, you know
Speaker 1: what I mean? That makes sense. Did you do get recognized?
Speaker 1: There were a few times, mostly American travelers in Malaysia.
Speaker 1: Another girl damned me and I was like, hey, and
Speaker 1: like I didn't really know what to do in cool
Speaker 1: lump or like there was like some caves that I
Speaker 1: went to and some towers I saw, and I was
Speaker 1: there for like three days. But she she messaged me
Speaker 1: and she said, hey, like I'm a big fan and
Speaker 1: she was Malaysian and so like I went out with
Speaker 1: her and her four oper friends in Malaysia and like
Speaker 1: maybe like every country, there was like one or two
Speaker 1: people that recognize me, but not like a whole lot.
Speaker 1: But it is always so so funny to see and
Speaker 1: even when we went to India back in March, um
Speaker 1: I think Rachel season was airing in India at the time,
Speaker 1: and so people were like a little bit more yeah,
Speaker 1: which is funny. It's yeah, It's it's crazy to think
Speaker 1: how international Bachelor is. I was just thinking, like Dean's
Speaker 1: whole trip was based upon where the show was airing,
Speaker 1: like air. But it really is crazy to hear to
Speaker 1: like see firsthand how international show is, because for every
Speaker 1: stop with the journey, I would share, like my my
Speaker 1: next destination, like Okay, today I'm traveling to Greece or
Speaker 1: today I'm traveling to Amsterdam, and like every time people
Speaker 1: would be like, oh my god, like go here or like, hey,
Speaker 1: my cousin lives there. I'd love for them to show
Speaker 1: you around, like I would like to meet up and
Speaker 1: show you arounding that type of stuff. It's just weird
Speaker 1: every destination, even you you'll go to Malaysia. You don't
Speaker 1: really expect anyone in Malaysia to know who you are,
Speaker 1: nor should they really know who you are for any
Speaker 1: reason at all, Like sure enough they do, and it's
Speaker 1: just like it's it's a crazy thing to experience firstant
Speaker 1: you know totally how long exactly where you gone? Uh
Speaker 1: thirty six days? Yeah, uh? And I didn't do laundry once,
Speaker 1: very proud of that fact. Wait a minute, what do
Speaker 1: you mean, like did somebody do laundry for you? Or
Speaker 1: you just didn't wash your I didn't wear underwear, so
Speaker 1: I didn't bring a single pair underwear. It was me,
Speaker 1: you know, you just did to our listeners dean female audience. Yeah,
Speaker 1: they're all going to be you know, I don't think
Speaker 1: i'd use the word repulse to explain what they're they're thinking.
Speaker 1: I just don't find it comfortable. It's very restricting sometimes. Yeah,
Speaker 1: I think the underwear was manufactured by the soap industry
Speaker 1: to sell more clothes un to wear to then ultimately
Speaker 1: wash in the wash. This guy, he probably says, said,
Speaker 1: do you see the same thing about Halloween is created
Speaker 1: by the cant um July four is created by the
Speaker 1: great the gift card companies. You don't. I started using
Speaker 1: soup a little bit more, especially while traveling. I was like,
Speaker 1: all right, I feel a little filthy just from looking
Speaker 1: on an airplane for so long. So what did you bring?
Speaker 1: How many shirts? How many pants? So it's funny. I
Speaker 1: brought three pairs of pants, all black jeans, and I
Speaker 1: only wore one upon the entire time because like, the
Speaker 1: other two just didn't really fit me very well. Uh.
Speaker 1: And then I brought like five T shirts, uh, and
Speaker 1: a pair of swimsuits or a pair of swimsuit or
Speaker 1: whoa a swimsuit? And like two pairs of socks, two
Speaker 1: pairs of as a carry on you So you're telling
Speaker 1: me you brought two pairs of socks and wore one
Speaker 1: pair of pants, and you don't wear any underwear and
Speaker 1: you did no laundry. When you put it like that,
Speaker 1: it sounds really bad. I'm in New York. I brought okay,
Speaker 1: So I bought a pair of shorts in Paris to
Speaker 1: match with Alex, who met up with me. We got
Speaker 1: matching outfits. Uh, I had another pair of shorts, so
Speaker 1: I had like three maybe pants that I cycled through.
Speaker 1: Huh were you wearing underwears? Then? When you when you
Speaker 1: wrap your legs around Alex, I haven't one underwear in years.
Speaker 1: It's interesting though you you never smell. I'm not a
Speaker 1: smell fortunate to not be a smelling person. I would
Speaker 1: like deodorant, and I got wore deodorant. I ran out
Speaker 1: of floss like like a couple of weeks, and that
Speaker 1: was pretty bad. I couldn't find floss for a while. Uh,
Speaker 1: you big filoster. Every day, big floster, I had to floss.
Speaker 1: I bought hats every country. I went to I got
Speaker 1: a new hat. Um, it's not really a hygiene thing,
Speaker 1: but okay, it's just like a fun Oh it's interesting.
Speaker 1: I have one more question about the trip. Okay, did
Speaker 1: you kiss anyone in the thirty six days? No? Alex? Okay, alright,
Speaker 1: I kissed a guy into the Eiffel Towers. Adorable. It's
Speaker 1: funny because Alex was like, well, we were like talking
Speaker 1: about because there's like a dumb little bit, you know,
Speaker 1: like like for just for fun. He's like, we should
Speaker 1: like go to Life Towers. Like okay, yeah, that's funny.
Speaker 1: He's yeah, you should like get a video of you
Speaker 1: jumping on me and like we'll put our hands over
Speaker 1: from mouths and kiss each other. And I was like, no,
Speaker 1: that would put Oh sorry for the curse work. We're
Speaker 1: not putting your hands over our mouths. We're gonna go.
Speaker 1: If we're gonna do it this, we're gonna do it
Speaker 1: and do the full Tom Brady full Tom Brady. He
Speaker 1: he had that video. He kisses his dad, he kisses
Speaker 1: his He has ever heard about this? A huge thing?
Speaker 1: It's like, am I an idiot? Right now? Um? I
Speaker 1: just have one more question too, So you know, after
Speaker 1: traveling alone and then going through this experience thirty six
Speaker 1: days on yourself, traveling to new places, coming back, what
Speaker 1: have you learned? Is there one thing where you're like,
Speaker 1: this is what I mean. I've taken a lot out
Speaker 1: of this trip, but this is the one thing that
Speaker 1: I come back with than anything. There have been like
Speaker 1: a lot of like a random assortment of thoughts, you know,
Speaker 1: like you'll have like one thought and then you'll kind
Speaker 1: of lose it, come back to it later, and then
Speaker 1: that kind of like just a perpetual, like on ongoing thing. Um,
Speaker 1: there was a thought that I had that kind of
Speaker 1: stuck with me that involved relationships, especially because obviously this
Speaker 1: is a relationship centery podcast, so it's kind of you know,
Speaker 1: it's interesting to have a thought on that. Um. I
Speaker 1: think that what I've never really done, well, what I've
Speaker 1: always kind of done, or maybe what I need to
Speaker 1: do moving forward is focus entirely on myself. And I
Speaker 1: think I've done that, but with the mistakes that I've
Speaker 1: made as a pertain to relationships, is I'm focusing on myself,
Speaker 1: but then I'm allowing other people to come into my
Speaker 1: life in the capacity of a relationship, and I just
Speaker 1: don't think that when you're like, I guess the word
Speaker 1: selfish is really the way to look at it. Is like,
Speaker 1: when you're focusing on yourself, it's perfectly fine to do that,
Speaker 1: but you shouldn't let someone else come into your life
Speaker 1: while you're doing that, because all that sets them up
Speaker 1: for is disappointment, I would think. And so I'm at
Speaker 1: this point now where I'm like, I still want to
Speaker 1: focus on myself and I still want to do what
Speaker 1: I want when I want, But now I have this
Speaker 1: realization that I think, because I'm doing that, I shouldn't
Speaker 1: even be interested in inviting someone into that mess of
Speaker 1: a life that I'm going to be living. You know, Yeah, well,
Speaker 1: I mean I don't think it's that you shouldn't if
Speaker 1: it's probably just not at a point right now where
Speaker 1: you're comfortable enough to invite someone into that, well, it's
Speaker 1: that's part of it, too. But it's just like I
Speaker 1: love doing I love I'm such a head case to
Speaker 1: the point where I'm a contrarian and I love proving
Speaker 1: people wrong and I like like to do what I
Speaker 1: want when I want to do it, And I think
Speaker 1: those two things kind of uh make it challenging to
Speaker 1: for me to date someone else. You know, so it's
Speaker 1: like you can have something kind of work on. I
Speaker 1: don't know if I'm trying to work on it. I
Speaker 1: think it's just something that I have to, uh like
Speaker 1: let blow by, like like grow out of its, grow
Speaker 1: out of it sort of thing. I think it's a
Speaker 1: mature way to look at it, you know, being self
Speaker 1: aware of the things that you're, the person that you
Speaker 1: are and the person that you want to become. That's
Speaker 1: a step towards, um, you know, being able to invite
Speaker 1: someone into your life and have a successful relationship because
Speaker 1: oftentimes we you know, I was talking about this with
Speaker 1: the friend the other day, like I think often times, um,
Speaker 1: we end up in relationships to still avoid, or we
Speaker 1: end up in a relationships because we're board, or we
Speaker 1: end up in relationships for the wrong reason. Sounds like back,
Speaker 1: you know, it's it's important to I'm loving this time. Um,
Speaker 1: that's being even updated on my love life. But I'm
Speaker 1: completely single right now. So yeah, oh Mark, you were
Speaker 1: there last podcast. Okay, yeah, but that's announce last podcast.
Speaker 1: She is single? Ready to me happy about this? I'm so,
Speaker 1: I'm very happy and I'm you know. I think it's
Speaker 1: important to realize that relationships don't work out, whether it's
Speaker 1: a year long relationships, two year long relationships, two weak relationships,
Speaker 1: it doesn't work out for a reason. And um, there's
Speaker 1: no point of like feeling sorry for yourself because you
Speaker 1: met someone like you didn't think you're going to meet
Speaker 1: the first new data. So there's someone else waiting for
Speaker 1: your you know, there's someone else out there for you.
Speaker 1: So just to make room for that person to walk
Speaker 1: into your life and you don't have to when it happens. Yeah, exactly,
Speaker 1: just letting the call the cards fall as they may.
Speaker 1: I think that's the realization I had too, is I love.
Speaker 1: I didn't realize how much I enjoy being alone. Like
Speaker 1: it's like there are moments of loneliness especially, But be
Speaker 1: careful with that though, because you might get too comfortable.
Speaker 1: Yeah that's fine, right, Like you have friends, no because
Speaker 1: you want unless you don't want to be in a
Speaker 1: relationship ever, well I do at some point. I think
Speaker 1: if you put a time frame on it, then you're okay.
Speaker 1: Like if you're you know, I mean, you're so you're
Speaker 1: twenty seven, you have you're so young, you have plenty
Speaker 1: of time yourself, and and and and want to be alone.
Speaker 1: I know what I'm saying. Well, Van, you're we're all
Speaker 1: so young. Resident's grand I think you and I are
Speaker 1: just different in that we're like, yes, I love my
Speaker 1: alone time, but I don't want to be alone. Yeah,
Speaker 1: if that makes any sense. I mean there were moments.
Speaker 1: So my phone got stolen out of my pocket and Indonesia,
Speaker 1: I got picked I got pickpocketed. Um, yeah, okay, and
Speaker 1: I thought you just like left your phone somewhere. No, no no, no,
Speaker 1: it was still So I'll tell you the story. So
Speaker 1: we were the last night in Bali. Uh. We were
Speaker 1: obviously like partying and drinking all day. Uh. We were
Speaker 1: writing our scooters to this next location that our friend
Speaker 1: had told us to meet the matter something like that.
Speaker 1: And it was I was on the back of my
Speaker 1: friend Tony's scooter, and then my friends Will and Zach
Speaker 1: were on this other scooter. Uh, and we like stopped
Speaker 1: at at a light or something to turn and this
Speaker 1: person like jumped on the back and they were all
Speaker 1: like getting like, I don't know, it was weird. They
Speaker 1: were all like being loud and outrageous and obnoxious. Um.
Speaker 1: And then they left, and then my friend like looked
Speaker 1: at everyone was like, hey, those people are notorious pickpockets
Speaker 1: here in Indonesia, Like, you should check your pockets, make
Speaker 1: sure you have everything. So I checked my front, checked
Speaker 1: my back, everything was there. Um, well it was good.
Speaker 1: My phone is there. And then three minutes later I
Speaker 1: pulled my phone out to text someone and I pull
Speaker 1: it out and it was just the case. So this
Speaker 1: person took the phone out of my pocket, took it
Speaker 1: off out of the case, and then put the case
Speaker 1: back in my pocket. Dude, this is George Colooney Promotions
Speaker 1: Love and whoever that guy. No, you're thinking Matt Damon.
Speaker 1: Matt Damon is a pit pocketer. But yeah, obviously did.
Speaker 1: I was gonna say Matt David, but it was probably Do.
Speaker 1: And I was so like, I mean, I I'll'll admit,
Speaker 1: like you checked and everything was there. It was already
Speaker 1: just the case at that point, yes, right, And because
Speaker 1: you feel the case, you're like okay, like I don't um.
Speaker 1: And then so that was really hard because then I
Speaker 1: woke up the next morning and I had to fly
Speaker 1: to Malaysia like without a phone. Uh. Landed in the
Speaker 1: airport and cool Lumpur and went straight to the like
Speaker 1: the Apple reseller there, uh, and had to get a
Speaker 1: new phone. But then it was like how do I
Speaker 1: activate with my eye cloud because everything is like you
Speaker 1: have to authenticate it with your phone number, like we're
Speaker 1: going to text your code, and we can't text me
Speaker 1: a code because I don't have my whole phone number.
Speaker 1: And then I was like I had a Malaysian phone
Speaker 1: number and I had a Greek phone number. I didn't
Speaker 1: get my US phone number back until yesterday. Actually everything
Speaker 1: from your other phone well, and that's the thing too.
Speaker 1: Then they like somehow we're able to disable to find
Speaker 1: my iPhone app and so like I couldn't track them down.
Speaker 1: Like we turned around on our scooters and like try
Speaker 1: to track down the people, um, but we didn't have
Speaker 1: any luck there. I was like going around like asking
Speaker 1: every single person I could find. I was like, hey,
Speaker 1: like I lost, like someone sell my phone? Do you
Speaker 1: know anything about that? And everyone's like no, You're you're
Speaker 1: out of luck. There's no way you're gonn get that back.
Speaker 1: So so then like going to Malaysia, I didn't have
Speaker 1: a phone. I like had just gotten my phone stolen.
Speaker 1: I felt very disconnected from everything and everyone, and I
Speaker 1: was like, I just like I needed to like a
Speaker 1: FaceTime to a couple of my friends, and I was like,
Speaker 1: I'm sorry, I'm just like a little depressed right now
Speaker 1: because of all this, this whole situation that went down.
Speaker 1: But totally, that was definitely the lowest moment I think
Speaker 1: of the trip, and I'm like, I, I'm very attuched
Speaker 1: on my phone. As much as they hate to admit that,
Speaker 1: like I'm on it quite often. It's just like, especially
Speaker 1: you know that that's like the worst case scenario, and
Speaker 1: it happened to so it sounded like a pretty incredible trip.
Speaker 1: iPhone being stolen a side obviously, so it's it's pretty cool. Now.
Speaker 1: I have a question for your dean. Did you work
Speaker 1: out at all while you were traveling? Did you that
Speaker 1: picture I posted in Greece? I was buffed as hell, dude.
Speaker 1: You were ripped like Brad Pitt from Fight Club. It
Speaker 1: was unbelievable. That's fight Club, right, I don't know, maybe
Speaker 1: that's what he's like, super shredded. Yeah, I know, you're
Speaker 1: absolutely right because I was eating food everywhere I went,
Speaker 1: obviously and as much as I possibly could. But the
Speaker 1: one thing that really kept me in shape. And you
Speaker 1: guys have heard me talk about it before, all of
Speaker 1: us have talked about it before. I guess this beach
Speaker 1: Body on Demand. Oh totally. Beach Body Demand is incredible.
Speaker 1: I mean to our listeners, I hope that they've all
Speaker 1: gotten their free trial by now. If you keep listening
Speaker 1: to this podcast, we keep talking about beach Body on Demand. Um,
Speaker 1: you can get all these different trainers and programs, some
Speaker 1: of the trainers on their twenty five He's awesome, Shan
Speaker 1: t doesn't require any extra equipment. It only takes twenty
Speaker 1: five minutes a day. So like by the time you
Speaker 1: go to the gym park, get in the gym, work out, leave,
Speaker 1: that's already like an hour and twenty minutes of your time.
Speaker 1: This beach Body on Demand, you can get done in
Speaker 1: twenty five minutes and save yourself some time. And you
Speaker 1: can get it on anywhere too. That's the best about it. No,
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Speaker 1: you know, Vanessa. While you're on the podcast, you could
Speaker 1: be working out with beach Body on Demand, even though
Speaker 1: you don't need it. Um. But this is also the
Speaker 1: company that's behind p ninety X. The insanity which I
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Speaker 1: Is that you? I did it once, So I'm more
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Speaker 1: full access to the entire platform for free, all the workouts,
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Speaker 1: D E A N to thirty thirty thirty get your
Speaker 1: free trial now check it out. I have some emails.
Speaker 1: This one's from an anonymous emailer your favorite. I have
Speaker 1: with my boyfriend a little over a year. We were
Speaker 1: inseparable from the day we met and moved in together
Speaker 1: after only seven months. He has a daughter who I adore.
Speaker 1: She stays with us every other week. We both have
Speaker 1: fourty hour week jobs and are trying to be more
Speaker 1: frugal so we can buy a house together. I make
Speaker 1: slightly more than my boyfriend, but we split the rent
Speaker 1: and all utilities down the middle and handle our own
Speaker 1: personal bills separately. I try to take care of some
Speaker 1: of the other expenses, like groceries with the occasional uber.
Speaker 1: We have talked about how he feels badly that I've
Speaker 1: spent more on things for us, but it has never
Speaker 1: bothered me because he has more responsibilities than I do,
Speaker 1: such as child support. Recently, I can tell it's about
Speaker 1: affecting him more, and I'm running out of ways to
Speaker 1: express to him that I'm willing and want to contribute
Speaker 1: in this way. Should I stop offering to pay for
Speaker 1: things and let him hand what until he asks for help.
Speaker 1: I have no idea what a good solution here? Is
Speaker 1: help I suck at dating? Yes, I think she said.
Speaker 1: Should I stop offering to pay for things and let
Speaker 1: him handle until he ask for help? I think yes,
Speaker 1: I agree. Just guys, you know, we want to provide
Speaker 1: for our lady, and providing includes money and being able
Speaker 1: to pay for dinners and being old fashioned in the
Speaker 1: sense of like I want to, you know, bring home
Speaker 1: the bacon. So I, um, yeah, I would for right
Speaker 1: now stop trying to pay for things, or at least
Speaker 1: offering and see what happens. Vanessa, I don't know. I
Speaker 1: thought you might disagree with this. Actually, yeah, I'm I'm
Speaker 1: all for Listen, if you're able to provide for yourself,
Speaker 1: and I always say this, ladies do not and gentlemen
Speaker 1: do not depend on a significant other financially for emotionally
Speaker 1: like make sure that you can always be financially and
Speaker 1: emotionally stable without having someone else in the picture. Um,
Speaker 1: and the fact that she's able to pay for it,
Speaker 1: like Prosser her. If I were the guy, I would
Speaker 1: be saying thank you and putting my ego aside and
Speaker 1: acknowledging a fact that she's doing this. She's doing this
Speaker 1: not not to get like acknowledgement or anything to doing
Speaker 1: it out of the bigness of our hearts. So I
Speaker 1: don't know. I if I don't know, if I'm getting
Speaker 1: an uber and he's getting in the car with me,
Speaker 1: I'm probably gonna be the girl that's gonna pay for
Speaker 1: the Uber two. I think that I think the uber
Speaker 1: and the groceries are a very small indication of why
Speaker 1: he feels awkward about this. I think it really comes
Speaker 1: down to she makes probably a lot more money than him,
Speaker 1: she says slightly, but she's I think she's understanding. I
Speaker 1: think she's understanding it. I think she probably makes a
Speaker 1: lot more money. And then while they split everything, because
Speaker 1: he's like, no, I'm gonna pay for myself. I want to,
Speaker 1: you know, do this and pay for my own utilities.
Speaker 1: I'm sure he's like this sucks. Like she's like, I'm
Speaker 1: the one putting pennies together trying to pay for dinners
Speaker 1: and she's making a lot more money. It probably just
Speaker 1: hurts his ego a little bit. I would I was
Speaker 1: gonna saymasculating too, but I think it's like kind of
Speaker 1: almost dehumanizing too, to the point where it's like he
Speaker 1: wants to be able to like, uh, have ownership over
Speaker 1: the things that he buys for the relationship and his
Speaker 1: or whatever. It is, like groceries, you know, you like
Speaker 1: feel guilty for going to the pantry more than a
Speaker 1: few times a day those groceries technically personally someone else. Yeah,
Speaker 1: I don't know, that's my take on it. I think
Speaker 1: that she should just let him pay for what he
Speaker 1: wants to and you and like let her kind of
Speaker 1: take a back seat. And if there's going to be
Speaker 1: a balance, it's gonna have to like you guys are
Speaker 1: like in a teeter and todder a little bit, I think,
Speaker 1: and then eventually you'll find that happy medium. But if
Speaker 1: he is like getting kind of weird out by it,
Speaker 1: I think that you should just kind of let him
Speaker 1: do his own thing and he'll find a way to
Speaker 1: make it work. If that's so what's going to be.
Speaker 1: But definitely, yeah, lets communicate about it, you know. Don't know,
Speaker 1: I don't even think she should community Well maybe she should, Okay,
Speaker 1: not a bad idea, not a bad idea, But I
Speaker 1: think by acknowledging it, by by her being like, hey,
Speaker 1: I'm going to stop spending money on you, that almost
Speaker 1: makes it worse. If she just kind of like naturally
Speaker 1: lets him. I'm not saying that. I'm saying, Um, and Mark,
Speaker 1: maybe you've you're you've been married, you've had a successful
Speaker 1: marriage for years, so you can correct me out, you
Speaker 1: can correct me on this. But I feel like one
Speaker 1: of the major issues and marriages and long term relationships
Speaker 1: to come down to finances and lacks of two manication.
Speaker 1: So in this case, I think it's importune to sit down,
Speaker 1: have a mature conversation and be like, Okay, do they
Speaker 1: have a joint bank acount? I have a joint bank account.
Speaker 1: Then it'd be a lot easier to just go in
Speaker 1: there and pay for the things that they to share
Speaker 1: together instead of you know it he's making if he
Speaker 1: wants to put in you know, it's like fifty fifty,
Speaker 1: but if he wants to put in more than fifty,
Speaker 1: then feel put in more than fifty and she'll put
Speaker 1: the rest in in the joint bank account. It's such
Speaker 1: an old fashioned conversation, isn't it. But I mean it's
Speaker 1: still relevant in twenty eighteen. But I'm just saying, the
Speaker 1: tradition that the man has to pay for everything seems
Speaker 1: like an outdated concept to me. But if this were reversed,
Speaker 1: if a guy was like, I make more money than
Speaker 1: she does, no one would care. He'd never send the email.
Speaker 1: It's never an issue the other way around. And it's
Speaker 1: just it's just the male fragile ego, isn't it. That's
Speaker 1: all it is to understand, Well, it's outdated. It's outdated
Speaker 1: in two thousand eighteen, fifteen years ago, when this guy
Speaker 1: was probably growing up, it wasn't really that outdated to
Speaker 1: you got to make more money and like be quote
Speaker 1: unquote the um provider, the provider, and so like, he's
Speaker 1: probably been brought up in a society where it's like, no,
Speaker 1: you're the man. You're supposed to be making more money,
Speaker 1: and then you're supposed to be providing and supporting for
Speaker 1: your significant other. And so now, yes, in two thousand
Speaker 1: and eighteen, it's fine. Everybody's equal. It doesn't matter who's
Speaker 1: making more money. Time's up exactly, But it's the it's
Speaker 1: the me too movement. I've never heard times up before,
Speaker 1: the kind of movements, the big one. But times up
Speaker 1: is also one Time's up for guys to be in
Speaker 1: these traditional roles that we've always seen them as everybody
Speaker 1: should be treated the same, and I agree, but there's
Speaker 1: gonna be a transitional period during that, right, you can't
Speaker 1: just ignore social norms that have been ingrained in us.
Speaker 1: And so I think with this guy, of course it
Speaker 1: doesn't matter, no, but it's gonna hurt his ego, so
Speaker 1: just I I would I I agree with the and
Speaker 1: by communicating that with him, it's like almost belittling his wages.
Speaker 1: Like she's like, oh, I make more money than you,
Speaker 1: but I'm gonna let you start paying for things because
Speaker 1: I know how fragile you might be, So that like that,
Speaker 1: you wouldn't know, that's not what you would be highlighting.
Speaker 1: He's if he's been awes with her about him being
Speaker 1: uncomfortable with her spending money on him, then if I
Speaker 1: were her, I would sit him down and just have
Speaker 1: an the dog conversation like it shouldn't you know, You're
Speaker 1: it's one years old. You're old enough to sit down
Speaker 1: and have mature conversations about things and communicate about things
Speaker 1: that make you comfortable and uncomfortable and figure out a solution.
Speaker 1: I'm just saying that the male ego is very fragile,
Speaker 1: especially when it comes to this stuff. I think some
Speaker 1: things are better left unseid. We don't want to talk
Speaker 1: about it anymore than we wanted to happen exactly, all right,
Speaker 1: So anonymous, don't take my advice. No, no, no, take
Speaker 1: exactly take all our advice and incorporate it and make
Speaker 1: your own decisions. That's advice. Uh. This is by the way,
Speaker 1: I suck at dating at i heeart media dot com.
Speaker 1: Keep the emails coming. I suck at dating at ihart
Speaker 1: media dot com. This is Hunter. Do you guys know
Speaker 1: the app rover? Yeah? Dog walker app Okay, he's been
Speaker 1: dog sitting throw over over the past couple of months,
Speaker 1: and he's been watching this dog whose owner he is
Speaker 1: super attracted to. He says. A few months ago, I
Speaker 1: match with the owner on Tinder and chattered over the
Speaker 1: cars in a few days. Yeah, small world. I eventually
Speaker 1: asked if she wanted to take the dogs to a
Speaker 1: park that weekend, and she never responded and not deleted
Speaker 1: tender shortly thereafter. I really want to ask her out,
Speaker 1: but I feel like it's a sign that she didn't
Speaker 1: answer me the first time, and so I should forget
Speaker 1: about it. I'm watching a dog again this weekend. Should
Speaker 1: I ask her out or should I leave it? Help?
Speaker 1: I really? Second day? What do we always tell him, Mark,
Speaker 1: shoot your show? If you gotta ask, you gotta do
Speaker 1: it exactly. Well, here's the thing. So he's watching her
Speaker 1: dog and she never responded on Tinder. I think that
Speaker 1: she probably just doesn't pay attention to the app. I agree, right,
Speaker 1: she wouldn't completely ignore someone who's babysitting her, walking her
Speaker 1: dog and caring for this dog. I think as a
Speaker 1: dog owner, you can probably choose who you look after
Speaker 1: your dog, right, It's not like she has she's unless
Speaker 1: she signed a contract. Or is it like Uber and
Speaker 1: they just give you the closest dog walker? I really
Speaker 1: don't know. I think a dog is it's a dog's
Speaker 1: out to be, like you can pick out total people
Speaker 1: your dog vibes so so. And I think proves that
Speaker 1: she maybe didn't see the message. Maybe she just kind
Speaker 1: of like saw it responded mentally, never actually physically responded.
Speaker 1: But you I don't think that she because if she
Speaker 1: was purposefully ignoring you, then she would have gone with
Speaker 1: a different dogs here right exactly and listen, I find
Speaker 1: I'm like I'm guilty of this all the time before,
Speaker 1: like oh you're you don't message me back, or I
Speaker 1: won't you and I read my messages and like, oh,
Speaker 1: I'll write back in a few hours. But then someone
Speaker 1: else will message me, and your message will go like
Speaker 1: lower on the list, and and I forget to write back.
Speaker 1: You never message me back, Vanessa, I'm sorry, you just
Speaker 1: use another story. Um. So yeah, maybe he just didn't
Speaker 1: see the message. Try again, go for it. I agree,
Speaker 1: go for it. What's the worst that can happen? You
Speaker 1: lose this client as a dog. You've got plenty of
Speaker 1: people's dogs. By the way, I have a two of
Speaker 1: my kid's names picked out. I've had him picked up forever,
Speaker 1: and Hunter is one of them. I was used to
Speaker 1: the words out of my mouth. Great name name, said, well,
Speaker 1: I think everyone's got ideas for names for the kids
Speaker 1: that they eventually want to have. No, I already I
Speaker 1: did too. Maybe we're not normal, guys. Maybe that's why
Speaker 1: we're here on this band kids to say we're not normal.
Speaker 1: For better for worse. Um, I'll tell a quick story
Speaker 1: if you don't mind, mark your great storytelling. Tell stories
Speaker 1: anytime you want. When I was growing up, my sister,
Speaker 1: my younger sister, Amy was Her name is confusing. Is
Speaker 1: her name? My sister's name is Amy, and my wife's
Speaker 1: name is Amy is very confusing. Anyway, my sister was
Speaker 1: best friends with a girl named Ali, and Aby had
Speaker 1: a bunch of friends, and I hated all of them
Speaker 1: because they were just screaming because I'm the big brother
Speaker 1: and they're always into and screaming and stuff. But Ali
Speaker 1: was great. We loved Ali. When she came over. It
Speaker 1: was like the three of us who played together. She
Speaker 1: was like one of my friends too. Ali got really sick,
Speaker 1: she got cancer in her shoulder blade. And anyway, we
Speaker 1: lost Ali when she was sixteen years old, very sad.
Speaker 1: And I said that day, I said, my first daughter
Speaker 1: is going to be named Ali. And that's why I
Speaker 1: have a twelve year old daughter named Ali right now.
Speaker 1: That's so my heart that she lives on through your daughter.
Speaker 1: But I have a question. So your your sister's name
Speaker 1: is Amy, and your wife's name is named Yes, and
Speaker 1: your mom's name is Kathy. Okay, I thought your mom's
Speaker 1: name is Amy, and your daughter and your sisters sister
Speaker 1: and wife. Why is it always it's it's always a
Speaker 1: male thing, where it's always like Jared Jr. And it's
Speaker 1: never like Amy Jr. Yeah, why can't women name their
Speaker 1: children after them? I think that's that time on Here
Speaker 1: we Go. I was I was almost fred the third.
Speaker 1: My dad's Fred Jr. And I was almost Frederick the Third. No,
Speaker 1: I'm not a friend. I don't either, But my question
Speaker 1: is would your life be different? That's interesting, isn't it.
Speaker 1: It's just your name, butter fact man, it's crazy Butterfly right,
Speaker 1: great because the name just really makes it just kind
Speaker 1: of forms your persona. I don't know why. Like I
Speaker 1: look at Dean, I'm like, yeah, you're a deed right.
Speaker 1: So my sisters names it's really confusing. I've been asked
Speaker 1: that and make sisters Melissa, but I don't know if
Speaker 1: my sister are I was supposed to be called Penelope,
Speaker 1: which I love. I feel like my sister would look
Speaker 1: more like a Penelope. I feel like I am you know,
Speaker 1: I embraced Vanessa. Are you embraced the Vanessa totally? But
Speaker 1: you could embrace a penalope. I could see it. So
Speaker 1: this is interesting. They did an experiment and I'm fascinated
Speaker 1: by this stuff. I don't know how I got into
Speaker 1: this right back, but love it. Uh. They showed people
Speaker 1: random faces of strangers and gave them five names to
Speaker 1: pick from. They were right. Thirty five percent of the time.
Speaker 1: It happened to pure chance at the time. Right, that's
Speaker 1: pretty high. So they find that people with the same
Speaker 1: name tend to have similarities around their eyes and their
Speaker 1: mouths and faces will conform to your name, Like if
Speaker 1: your parents named you Dug, your face would be different
Speaker 1: than it is now subtly, not completely, but subtly, and
Speaker 1: people would say he looks more like a Dug because
Speaker 1: something happens to us. I find that that's very very interesting,
Speaker 1: really interesting. That makes me think, I guess I've seen
Speaker 1: that Office episode where Michael Scott goes on like a
Speaker 1: lecture circuit and he like goes in and walks into
Speaker 1: the room. He's like, I have this uh pneumatic system
Speaker 1: where I can look at someone's face and guess their name.
Speaker 1: And he looks at a guy and he goes, you
Speaker 1: have glasses, you have a bald head, your bald Your
Speaker 1: name is Brad. And he's like, yes, my name is Brad.
Speaker 1: That's exactly what this makes me think. Up. But it
Speaker 1: really is that if it's up, that's I mean, that's
Speaker 1: pretty conclusive. That's pretty interesting that you can pick people
Speaker 1: out like that. All Right, I suck at dating and
Speaker 1: I hurt Madia dot com. And Megan is curious about
Speaker 1: how you manage time spent with your significant other. I
Speaker 1: guess this is more of a question for Jared. I've
Speaker 1: had a significant other, and so do you too. Well,
Speaker 1: you have mart East and you guys have significant others.
Speaker 1: Dean has had a very public and private relationships. Well,
Speaker 1: Megan's concerned because her boyfriend live in a small town.
Speaker 1: They live three blocks away from each other, They have
Speaker 1: the same circle of friends, they have the same work
Speaker 1: from home schedule, their lives are completely integrated in one another.
Speaker 1: She knows the quality time is valuable, but they tend
Speaker 1: to be She tends to be codependent relationships, and she
Speaker 1: has a hard time turning on any opportunity to hang
Speaker 1: out with him, even if she needs a break. She
Speaker 1: also gets bummed if he spends time with a mutual
Speaker 1: friend and she's not invited to join. There's kind of
Speaker 1: a fomo thing going on there, So anyway, any tips
Speaker 1: on that is it is it unhealthy to be constantly
Speaker 1: with each other? Vanessa? So I've been in many rooms.
Speaker 1: Not many I've been in. Obviously, some of them have
Speaker 1: been successful, some of them have been asking. None of
Speaker 1: them have been them, not with any of them. But
Speaker 1: one thing that I did learn was my first relationship,
Speaker 1: I was so dependent on him. Um. He became my family,
Speaker 1: my friend by uh, like, we would work out together
Speaker 1: and to the point where if I found it too
Speaker 1: we asked to both found it too much, because at
Speaker 1: one point, you want to have you still want to
Speaker 1: have maintained your life before you meet your significant other, UM,
Speaker 1: and to keep that spark alive, you know, because then
Speaker 1: it just becomes like a routine and you do the
Speaker 1: same things over and over and over again. And like
Speaker 1: he said that she has he if he wait, I
Speaker 1: get bummed out if he he spends time with a
Speaker 1: mutual friend and she's not invited. Like that, You should
Speaker 1: have your circle of friends outside of your relationship, he said,
Speaker 1: be working in a different environment, you know, and then
Speaker 1: you come home and you tell each other stories and
Speaker 1: you bond. And that's why I like it's important for
Speaker 1: families to come together at the dinner time. Everyone has
Speaker 1: Like they wake up in the morning, they go out,
Speaker 1: they live their own life. They come back and at
Speaker 1: dinner they speak about like things that happened to them
Speaker 1: throughout the day, and they bond over food, and they
Speaker 1: bond over like sharing all these experiences. UM So, I
Speaker 1: personally think, UM, when I was younger, as much as
Speaker 1: I love being in that type of relationship where we
Speaker 1: were glue to each other right now, I find it
Speaker 1: super healthy. I wanted to find a relationships where I
Speaker 1: find it healthy to um, you know, be together, but
Speaker 1: not expensively be together. Yeah. I agree with that. You
Speaker 1: definitely need your own circle of friends. You need to
Speaker 1: be able to get out if you want to hang
Speaker 1: out with somebody that's not involved in your relationship. UM doan,
Speaker 1: Do you have any thoughts about this? Yeah? I do,
Speaker 1: I am. I think this kind of goes back to
Speaker 1: what I was talking about earlier of me just like
Speaker 1: wanted to do what I want when I want. I like,
Speaker 1: I like being able to go to places kind of
Speaker 1: like either by myse not necessary by myself, but like
Speaker 1: I like to go hang out with my friends without
Speaker 1: feeling guilty of not inviting the person that I'm maybe
Speaker 1: amp dating or my girlfriend or something like that, you know,
Speaker 1: because I feel like there's time that should be allotted
Speaker 1: for you spending with your friends. It changes the dynamic,
Speaker 1: you know very much. So, Um, sometimes you just need
Speaker 1: to like talk about your relationship without your significant other there.
Speaker 1: Whether it be it doesn't mean that they're saying bad things,
Speaker 1: just like it changes the dynamic of the conversation. And
Speaker 1: I've been very very guilty of this. I like, uh,
Speaker 1: here in Los Angeles, you know, I'll go to the
Speaker 1: beach with every week with my friends. Um. A while ago,
Speaker 1: I was like dating someone, uh, and it was a Sunday,
Speaker 1: I went to the beach with my friends, were playing volleyball,
Speaker 1: got back, uh, and this girl that I was dating,
Speaker 1: she was really upset with me for not inviting her
Speaker 1: to the beach to hang out with me and my friends.
Speaker 1: And I was like, well, honestly, like I just wanted
Speaker 1: to spend time with my friends. UM. And so it's
Speaker 1: like that's kind of what I'm saying from earlier. It's like,
Speaker 1: I, I I, I don't think it's appropriate for me to
Speaker 1: be bringing someone into that situation. I think codependence is
Speaker 1: good in some aspects, but it can be detrimental to
Speaker 1: a relationship, like in this instance. You know, yeah, yeah,
Speaker 1: I agree. So my advice for Megan is like, allow
Speaker 1: yourself some separation, maybe allow yourself to become more independent,
Speaker 1: because you definitely like, like, think about it this way,
Speaker 1: like if Megan and her boyfriend break up, then who's Megan?
Speaker 1: She's no longer the same person, right. These are the
Speaker 1: relationships that are more likely to become toxic because you
Speaker 1: literally can't live without each other, and so when issues
Speaker 1: pop up, you just have to kind of press it
Speaker 1: down inside and it ends up ugly, Like you've got
Speaker 1: to have a life outside your relationship. And that's scary.
Speaker 1: I feel like there's a lot of pressure to make
Speaker 1: the relationship working, you're that ingrained with that other person.
Speaker 1: And not that it's bad to have pressure to make
Speaker 1: relationship work, but it's like if you, I don't know,
Speaker 1: that's that's what scares me away from relationships. To be
Speaker 1: perfectly honest, it's scary. It's scary. That's like making the
Speaker 1: pressure of what what what cares you. The pressure of
Speaker 1: making it work scares you. The pressure of having someone
Speaker 1: be so dependent on me is scary. And it's also
Speaker 1: scary when you're very dependent on somebody else, Yes, absolutely,
Speaker 1: because then your happiness isn't dependent on them because you
Speaker 1: make your own happiness. Having said that, like when you're
Speaker 1: dependent on somebody and they break your heart, tell me
Speaker 1: a worse feeling, right, Yeah, exactly. I don't know. I
Speaker 1: think there's a lot of red flags ingrant in that
Speaker 1: situation with Megan and her boyfriend. But again, I mean,
Speaker 1: I think with a lot of these emails, we don't
Speaker 1: really know enough of the story to really makes judgment called.
Speaker 1: We do have to make judgment called. Yeah, I mean
Speaker 1: my judgment call would be um vocalized this. I know
Speaker 1: we are we like it's you know, communicate. We always
Speaker 1: say it in such a cliche, but it's true, like,
Speaker 1: you know, because you need you need a healthy balance,
Speaker 1: and right now it seems like maybe Megan on your side,
Speaker 1: you're not having that. And yeah, feel something's got to give. Fine,
Speaker 1: something that you love to do. You love paintings. Join
Speaker 1: a class for like to learn how to paint. If
Speaker 1: you want to work out, join a gym and you'll
Speaker 1: make a more you'll make a different circle of friends
Speaker 1: and you'll you'll feel less I guess, um stressed out
Speaker 1: or you know, less bummed. If your boyfriend is hanging
Speaker 1: out a circle of friends, they are mutual friends enough.
Speaker 1: You know, I think it's important to have like your
Speaker 1: own stuff going on, um, so that you're not when
Speaker 1: you're not doing anything. And I feel like sometimes it happens,
Speaker 1: you know, when you're like really invested in the relationships
Speaker 1: and you don't have anything to do, you think of
Speaker 1: the relationship and that's super unhealthy. So it's important to
Speaker 1: like have things going on in your life outside of
Speaker 1: the relationship so that you can keep your mind busy
Speaker 1: and you you know, you have other things going on
Speaker 1: other than uh, the relationship being the main focus in
Speaker 1: your life. Totally join a class, you know, that's what
Speaker 1: I do. Do, Join a club, Do something that like
Speaker 1: actively gets you out of the house without your significant other,
Speaker 1: something that you enjoy, something that makes you proud, maybe
Speaker 1: email podcasts as well dot com. All right, well that
Speaker 1: will do it for today's episode, My first episode back,
Speaker 1: and thank you guys once again for welcome welcoming you
Speaker 1: back with open arms. I was concerned that I just
Speaker 1: wasn't gonna be uh involved in the podcast anywhere Change
Speaker 1: the Keys. I'm very honored here perfect I guess that's
Speaker 1: true because Mark Easton and Jared Wow. Um, I'm honored
Speaker 1: to be back in studio with you guys. I honestly
Speaker 1: did miss you all very very much while I was gone.
Speaker 1: Miss um. We want to thank our sponsor, Yes, big
Speaker 1: thank you to our sponsors, Sugar Bear Hair and Beach
Speaker 1: Body on Demand for these hip hop abs and these
Speaker 1: beautiful walks that we all have. Thank you to Holly
Speaker 1: Martin for coming in studio. Definitely check out Holly Martin
Speaker 1: dot com. That's Martin with a Y not and I
Speaker 1: it certainly is. And thank you for the emails. Remember
Speaker 1: I Suck a Dating at i heeart media dot com.
Speaker 1: We love the emails. We love giving unsolicited bad advice.
Speaker 1: To keep them coming. We'll keep aetitioning it out. Be
Speaker 1: sure to tune in next weekend. Uh we should you go. Also,
Speaker 1: I just want to say joined the Facebook group. Uh
Speaker 1: it's help. I Suck a Dating podcast on Facebook. Definitely
Speaker 1: go check that out. We have a lot of discussion,
Speaker 1: there's a lot of members in there. Uh. We talk,
Speaker 1: We like leave messages on the Facebook totally. I talked
Speaker 1: to people all the time. Literally, at this point in
Speaker 1: my life, the only reason I get on Facebook is
Speaker 1: to go to the heart alight Suck at Dating Facebook
Speaker 1: group same here. I love hearing people tell stories about
Speaker 1: their dating and if they need any advice, and sometimes
Speaker 1: I'll comment back and I always read through them, and
Speaker 1: so definitely join the Facebook group Help I Suck a
Speaker 1: Dating podcast on Facebook um and also be sure to
Speaker 1: tune in next week for another episode of Help I
Speaker 1: Suck a Dating. Maybe next week we'll suck a little
Speaker 1: bit less. Follow help by Suck at Dating with Dean,
Speaker 1: Vanessa and Jared on I Heart Radio or wherever you
Speaker 1: listen to podcast