WEBVTT - My Job Is Toxic! 0:00:11.280 --> 0:00:14.800 Everybody, granger Smith here, Welcome back to the Grangersmith podcast. 0:00:15.040 --> 0:00:18.439 We put out new episodes every single Monday, and we've 0:00:18.440 --> 0:00:22.880 been doing this for I guess since twenty seventeen. So 0:00:23.079 --> 0:00:26.119 what the format is is, I answer your questions you 0:00:26.160 --> 0:00:29.960 email me podcast at grangersmith dot com. We'll put it 0:00:30.000 --> 0:00:32.120 in the queue. Ant Man, my producer, We'll get them 0:00:32.120 --> 0:00:35.319 together and I pull these up and I read these 0:00:35.400 --> 0:00:40.880 questions as if you're a friend asking me a question, 0:00:41.520 --> 0:00:46.080 very low key, very relaxed and informal. I don't have 0:00:46.680 --> 0:00:48.520 a whole bunch of notes in front of me. I'm 0:00:48.560 --> 0:00:51.520 just going to read the question as if you're asking 0:00:51.560 --> 0:00:55.680 me in front of a campfire, and the answers will 0:00:55.720 --> 0:00:58.160 be very off the cuff, in fact, so much so 0:00:58.200 --> 0:01:01.520 that sometimes I could think about it later and perhaps 0:01:01.560 --> 0:01:04.240 want to change my answer a little bit, and I 0:01:04.280 --> 0:01:07.679 don't get that opportunity. I think the podcast is better 0:01:09.080 --> 0:01:12.600 if you get the first response, the first reaction in 0:01:12.640 --> 0:01:15.679 my head today, I don't have a guess, it's just 0:01:15.720 --> 0:01:19.000 me and the first question comes from Ryan. Once again. 0:01:19.040 --> 0:01:23.640 The email is podcast at grangersmith dot com. One day. 0:01:23.720 --> 0:01:28.200 The plan is still to do this live somewhere as 0:01:28.240 --> 0:01:32.760 I create some kind of podcast tour, and we've been 0:01:32.800 --> 0:01:36.280 in talks with different people to come to your city 0:01:36.360 --> 0:01:40.240 and set up and maybe like a theater and have 0:01:40.360 --> 0:01:43.640 you have a microphone out in the audience, and we 0:01:43.680 --> 0:01:47.720 actually answer them live. That's the plan. The first question 0:01:47.760 --> 0:01:51.040 today comes from Ryan, and it says this, Hey, Granger, 0:01:51.120 --> 0:01:54.880 I'm stuck in a job where the environment is really toxic, 0:01:55.560 --> 0:01:57.760 and it's starting to take a toll on me, both 0:01:57.800 --> 0:02:02.880 mentally and emotionally. My boss is unpredictable and overly critical, 0:02:03.560 --> 0:02:06.280 making it hard to feel like I'm doing anything right. 0:02:06.840 --> 0:02:10.080 On top of that, the office politics are out of control, 0:02:10.120 --> 0:02:13.359 and it feels like no one trusts each other. It's 0:02:13.360 --> 0:02:16.760 a constant game of walking on eggshells just to get 0:02:16.800 --> 0:02:20.240 through the day. I thought about quitting, but I'm scared 0:02:20.280 --> 0:02:22.440 of what that might mean for my family. I'm the 0:02:22.480 --> 0:02:26.600 primary bread rent winner, and while I have some savings, 0:02:26.600 --> 0:02:29.600 it's not nearly enough to carry us for very long 0:02:29.639 --> 0:02:31.880 if I don't find a new job quickly. At the 0:02:31.919 --> 0:02:35.320 same time, the stress of staying in this environment is 0:02:35.360 --> 0:02:37.880 affecting my sleep, my mood at home, and even my 0:02:37.919 --> 0:02:41.239 physical health. I'm torn between sticking it out I'm trying 0:02:41.280 --> 0:02:44.080 to find a better situation. The idea of jumping into 0:02:44.080 --> 0:02:47.200 the unknown is terrifying, and so is the thought of 0:02:47.280 --> 0:02:51.119 continuing like this. How do you know when it's time 0:02:51.160 --> 0:02:53.960 to walk away from a bad situation, even if the 0:02:53.960 --> 0:02:57.240 future feels uncertain. What would you do in my position? 0:02:57.520 --> 0:03:02.120 Thanks for your advice, Ryan, Ryan, Thanks for the email, Brother, 0:03:02.960 --> 0:03:05.280 And I'm sorry you're in You're you're in a tough situation. 0:03:09.680 --> 0:03:11.440 It's it sounds like you've put a lot of thought 0:03:11.480 --> 0:03:15.640 into this, and it sounds like you're you're thinking in 0:03:15.680 --> 0:03:18.840 all the right ways because you're What I mean is 0:03:18.919 --> 0:03:21.960 you're you're kind of weighing the cost of what it 0:03:22.000 --> 0:03:25.280 looks like to be out of this job, to remain 0:03:25.320 --> 0:03:29.040 in this job, to be better in this job. And 0:03:29.120 --> 0:03:31.840 you know something you said in here where you said 0:03:31.919 --> 0:03:36.400 it's it's affecting my sleep. I've thought about that a 0:03:36.400 --> 0:03:39.040 lot lately, more than I have in the last four 0:03:39.120 --> 0:03:42.080 or five years. And I've been talking to Amber about this, 0:03:42.640 --> 0:03:48.440 because you know, I I have some friends that have 0:03:48.560 --> 0:03:52.000 told me, hey, you know, the more and more we 0:03:52.080 --> 0:03:55.720 read about sleep, the more and more we see how 0:03:55.760 --> 0:04:01.160 important it actually is. And I think about sometimes my 0:04:01.840 --> 0:04:08.080 uncle who was a Marine captain in Vietnam, and he 0:04:08.200 --> 0:04:10.280 was just an early riser. He would get up every 0:04:10.280 --> 0:04:13.600 single morning at four am and go for a run. 0:04:13.640 --> 0:04:16.240 As he got older, it was a walk, walk the dogs. 0:04:16.960 --> 0:04:20.240 And it didn't matter what time he went to bed. 0:04:20.279 --> 0:04:25.520 He was up at four vacation weekends, it didn't matter. 0:04:26.400 --> 0:04:29.600 And sometimes he would get, you know, four hours of 0:04:29.640 --> 0:04:34.200 sleep several times in the week, and he was always like, 0:04:34.240 --> 0:04:36.360 I'm fine, I just when I wake up. That's what 0:04:36.400 --> 0:04:40.240 we do in the Marines, you know. And we ended 0:04:40.320 --> 0:04:47.200 up losing him, and he suffered from pretty severe dementia. 0:04:48.440 --> 0:04:50.599 And I look back on that and I wonder, you know, 0:04:50.640 --> 0:04:53.840 the Lord is sovereign in all this, but I can't help, 0:04:53.880 --> 0:04:59.520 but wonder if if we could be responsible, more responsible 0:04:59.720 --> 0:05:02.240 in the area of sleep, me and my family and 0:05:02.279 --> 0:05:06.120 you listening. That's something we probably don't do enough in 0:05:06.160 --> 0:05:10.479 this world today. My friend Heath Evans told me that 0:05:10.520 --> 0:05:13.640 I need seven hours and Amber needs eight. Men need 0:05:13.680 --> 0:05:16.760 a little bit less, women need eight. Kids. I mean 0:05:17.320 --> 0:05:20.760 the kids need ten. I would say. Sometimes Maverick sleeps 0:05:20.760 --> 0:05:24.080 twelve hours. We put them down at eight pm and 0:05:24.360 --> 0:05:26.279 or seven thirty pm, and he gets up at seven 0:05:26.320 --> 0:05:30.880 thirty am or eight o'clock am. But I think it's 0:05:31.320 --> 0:05:37.800 so important that we take these extra precautions toward getting 0:05:37.960 --> 0:05:39.640 the appropriate amount of sleep. And so when you say 0:05:39.640 --> 0:05:41.640 that right in the middle of your email, that's one 0:05:41.640 --> 0:05:44.719 of the first things that pops out to me. It's like, Hey, 0:05:44.920 --> 0:05:48.920 this is affecting your sleep. Then that would also affect 0:05:48.960 --> 0:05:50.919 what you say next, my mood at home, and that 0:05:50.960 --> 0:05:53.920 would also affect the next thing you say, my physical health. 0:05:54.839 --> 0:05:57.159 So sleep is going to affect all these things. So 0:05:57.200 --> 0:06:01.719 if the job is hurting your sleep long term, it 0:06:01.760 --> 0:06:04.000 could actually be taking years off the end of your life. 0:06:04.080 --> 0:06:07.599 That's my point. So add that, to add that to 0:06:07.640 --> 0:06:14.120 the worry of what's going on in this email, you 0:06:14.200 --> 0:06:18.719 say that the environment is really toxic and it's starting 0:06:18.760 --> 0:06:23.240 to take a toll mentally and emotionally. Now, I caution 0:06:23.520 --> 0:06:26.120 first of all saying that I believe we live in 0:06:26.160 --> 0:06:29.080 a world now, that is, we live in a job 0:06:29.160 --> 0:06:32.680 jumping world that our parents and our grandparents certainly and 0:06:32.720 --> 0:06:38.479 everyone before that just didn't do. Today, you ask any 0:06:38.880 --> 0:06:42.799 any joe off the street that's middle aged and younger, 0:06:43.400 --> 0:06:46.520 and you ask what they do, and there's probably several answers. 0:06:46.560 --> 0:06:49.040 I've done this, this, this, and I'm currently doing this, 0:06:49.440 --> 0:06:52.840 and my dream is to do this. And everybody before us, 0:06:53.520 --> 0:06:55.919 starting with my parents generation and everybody before that, they 0:06:56.040 --> 0:06:59.400 just pretty much worked one job. Either they had one 0:06:59.480 --> 0:07:03.000 skill and they just did that, or they landed one 0:07:04.279 --> 0:07:08.480 one kind of job and just did it for forty 0:07:08.560 --> 0:07:12.120 years and either did it until they died or did 0:07:12.160 --> 0:07:15.480 it until they retired because they physically couldn't. And but 0:07:15.520 --> 0:07:19.000 then then they did something similar after that. And so 0:07:20.400 --> 0:07:23.720 I think that it's it's admirable to think in that 0:07:23.840 --> 0:07:29.960 old way of just let's let's not be job jumpers. 0:07:30.160 --> 0:07:32.400 And here here's what I think part of the problem is, 0:07:33.160 --> 0:07:35.960 I think we have kind of built this illusion in 0:07:36.000 --> 0:07:40.000 this country and worldwide to see it worldwide, this fairy 0:07:40.040 --> 0:07:45.560 tale Cinderella illusion that there's always something better, there's always 0:07:45.600 --> 0:07:50.040 like you were born for this same way I caution 0:07:50.160 --> 0:07:53.360 against the idea of soulmate, which is a pagan idea. 0:07:53.520 --> 0:07:55.360 I think we should caution the same way in front 0:07:55.360 --> 0:07:58.640 of in terms of saying that there's like one job 0:07:59.320 --> 0:08:02.600 that's mysterio out there, and when you find it, your 0:08:02.640 --> 0:08:06.440 life kind of just aligns to it magically and the 0:08:06.480 --> 0:08:08.480 stars just kind of line up and you go, ah, 0:08:08.680 --> 0:08:12.040 this is this is what I was born to do, 0:08:12.160 --> 0:08:15.480 this particular thing, and now everything else is happy. And 0:08:15.680 --> 0:08:19.360 that's not the case. I do think that certain people 0:08:19.480 --> 0:08:23.240 certainly are are better at other things depending on their 0:08:23.240 --> 0:08:26.160 skill set. But I just think, I just think we 0:08:26.240 --> 0:08:30.120 there's no perfect job out there, So although we should 0:08:30.200 --> 0:08:37.160 climb ladders and work hard and grow businesses or grow 0:08:37.480 --> 0:08:42.800 within companies, we don't have to always be thinking about 0:08:43.440 --> 0:08:45.960 this is fine for now, but then I'm going to 0:08:45.960 --> 0:08:48.760 find something better because I know something better is out there. 0:08:49.240 --> 0:08:53.439 So there's prudence in here, right like we're we're we're 0:08:53.520 --> 0:08:57.040 kind of cautioning in all these areas, saying, don't be 0:08:57.440 --> 0:08:59.679 abused by your boss and just stick with it for 0:08:59.679 --> 0:09:07.720 four years. Don't be someone that has completely lost the 0:09:07.720 --> 0:09:11.000 American dream of you could do or be whatever you 0:09:11.040 --> 0:09:13.719 want to be. Like, let's stay within the guardrails of 0:09:13.760 --> 0:09:16.720 all this and go I'm going to think through these things, 0:09:16.840 --> 0:09:19.280 and I'm not going to job jump just because my 0:09:19.360 --> 0:09:24.160 feelings are hurt or because there's a mysterious magical job 0:09:24.200 --> 0:09:27.199 out there that I don't know of yet. Because certainly 0:09:27.200 --> 0:09:31.280 I see social media people that work it. Okay, that's 0:09:31.320 --> 0:09:34.959 my foundation. I say all that to then say, after 0:09:35.040 --> 0:09:38.040 all that, I say this, I think it's time for 0:09:38.080 --> 0:09:41.800 you to get out of this job. From what I've 0:09:41.840 --> 0:09:46.319 read here and what I believe you're saying, it sounds 0:09:46.320 --> 0:09:51.480 like this job's crushing you mentally, emotionally, and you are 0:09:51.520 --> 0:09:53.920 still in it because you're scared to take a step 0:09:53.960 --> 0:09:57.199 out of it. That's what all this is coming from. 0:09:57.360 --> 0:09:59.720 You're scared of the unknown, which is a normal fear. 0:10:02.760 --> 0:10:05.920 If you could say, there, what's the what's the average 0:10:05.920 --> 0:10:08.880 fear of the average person, you would throw in there, 0:10:09.000 --> 0:10:14.360 the unknown. It's scary the dark. Why are dark hallways scary? 0:10:14.440 --> 0:10:16.600 Because at the end where the darkness is, you don't 0:10:16.720 --> 0:10:19.080 know if there's a door or not. You don't know 0:10:19.080 --> 0:10:21.200 if there's a stairway, you don't know if someone is 0:10:21.200 --> 0:10:24.880 standing in the darkness. But the reality is not not 0:10:25.080 --> 0:10:27.280 the person or the stairway or the door. The reality 0:10:27.360 --> 0:10:33.640 is the unknown of any of those things. So that's 0:10:33.679 --> 0:10:37.000 what we got to deal with. You're scared of the unknown, 0:10:37.000 --> 0:10:39.960 and it doesn't have to be scary, And this is 0:10:39.960 --> 0:10:42.640 how you do it. You you work hard in the 0:10:42.720 --> 0:10:46.920 job you're in right now you you be respectful to 0:10:46.960 --> 0:10:51.520 your boss, you kind to your co workers, You do 0:10:51.600 --> 0:10:57.800 your job with excellence. You you dress appropriately for the gig, 0:10:59.640 --> 0:11:02.920 you show up on time, and you stay all the 0:11:02.960 --> 0:11:11.040 way till it's time to leave. You are you're you're 0:11:11.080 --> 0:11:15.960 consciously battling, battling against bitterness, right so that those are 0:11:15.960 --> 0:11:19.160 all the things you do right now, and then when 0:11:19.200 --> 0:11:24.200 you go home, you are networking. You're looking for You're 0:11:24.240 --> 0:11:29.400 looking through job ads. You're emailing or calling potential bosses, 0:11:29.559 --> 0:11:34.920 potential new job prospects. You're talking within your friend group. 0:11:34.960 --> 0:11:38.080 That doesn't leak back to your co workers that you're 0:11:38.160 --> 0:11:42.360 now on the market for a new job, talking to 0:11:42.360 --> 0:11:45.200 different people. Hey, I'm I'm I think I might be 0:11:45.720 --> 0:11:49.959 thinking about switching jobs. Here's my skill set. Hey, you're 0:11:49.960 --> 0:11:53.480 putting together a resume, not too long, not too short, 0:11:53.960 --> 0:11:59.120 right to the point. And as you put these feelers 0:11:59.120 --> 0:12:01.920 out there, you're still work any other job with excellence, 0:12:01.920 --> 0:12:05.559 and so there's no fear of losing out on the income. 0:12:06.400 --> 0:12:10.160 And I think the idea of the new job, and 0:12:10.200 --> 0:12:14.480 as you're working towards that, I think the excitement in 0:12:14.520 --> 0:12:18.599 that will start to supplement to kind of mitigate the 0:12:19.600 --> 0:12:26.240 fear and the emotional mental breakdown that you're getting from 0:12:26.280 --> 0:12:30.160 the other job will kind of be swallowed up by 0:12:30.200 --> 0:12:33.959 the excitement that you're getting because you're on the market 0:12:34.000 --> 0:12:37.680 looking for something new. And this is what you can control. 0:12:37.720 --> 0:12:41.480 You can't control your boss, you can't control who hires 0:12:41.559 --> 0:12:43.600 you on the next job, but you could work with 0:12:43.679 --> 0:12:47.720 excellence in the old job and be taking small steps 0:12:47.840 --> 0:12:52.280 day by day towards the new job. You might have 0:12:52.400 --> 0:12:55.880 to cut back on some bills. I think I said 0:12:55.880 --> 0:12:59.920 this a few podcasts ago, that you might have to 0:13:01.760 --> 0:13:05.400 give up some of the luxuries you have in your life. 0:13:06.600 --> 0:13:10.040 Like maybe that car you have that that costs seven 0:13:10.120 --> 0:13:14.280 hundred dollars a month, maybe you have to trade it 0:13:14.320 --> 0:13:18.640 in at the dealership and get something that's two fifty, right, 0:13:18.679 --> 0:13:21.280 and then you just you put four hundred and fifty bucks 0:13:21.280 --> 0:13:25.839 in your pocket and you say, okay, this is this 0:13:25.880 --> 0:13:30.440 is working for me. And you do that several times, 0:13:30.480 --> 0:13:32.720 and you you take four hundred here, five hundred or 0:13:32.720 --> 0:13:36.960 six hundred here, a thousand here, and and you kind 0:13:36.960 --> 0:13:40.559 of equal out your your living expenses and all that. 0:13:41.000 --> 0:13:46.600 Giving up the car, giving up the Netflix account, you know, 0:13:47.200 --> 0:13:50.520 giving up all these things is worth your is worth 0:13:50.880 --> 0:13:54.679 getting rid of this the mental monster that the current 0:13:54.760 --> 0:13:57.480 job is and taking a job that pays a little 0:13:57.520 --> 0:14:00.959 bit less, and you'll be You'll be happier in the end. 0:14:03.559 --> 0:14:07.000 Next question comes from Josh says Greater. I'm recently divorced, 0:14:07.000 --> 0:14:09.200 and one of the biggest challenges has been figuring out 0:14:09.200 --> 0:14:12.120 how to co parent our two kids in a way 0:14:12.160 --> 0:14:16.320 that's healthy and consistent. My ex and I both love 0:14:16.320 --> 0:14:20.480 our kids deeply and want what's best for them, but 0:14:20.560 --> 0:14:25.920 we approach parenting very differently. For example, I'm stricter when 0:14:25.920 --> 0:14:27.760 it comes to discipline, but my ex tends to be 0:14:27.800 --> 0:14:32.040 more lenient. This leans to leads to situations where the 0:14:32.120 --> 0:14:38.120 kids get mixed messages. And that's okay sometimes, but it's 0:14:38.160 --> 0:14:43.040 also not I'm worried this inconsistency might confuse them or 0:14:43.080 --> 0:14:46.800 even make them feel like they can play against each other, 0:14:47.440 --> 0:14:51.800 play us against each other. Josh says. It's also starting 0:14:51.840 --> 0:14:54.120 to cause a lot of tension between me and my ex. 0:14:54.160 --> 0:14:58.280 Even though we try to keep things civil, emotions from 0:14:58.360 --> 0:15:02.000 the divorce start to create been in small disagreements about 0:15:02.040 --> 0:15:05.360 parenting can turn into bigger arguments. I don't want my 0:15:05.480 --> 0:15:08.520 kids to pick up on this conflict or feel like 0:15:08.560 --> 0:15:11.400 they're stuck in the middle of it all. I know 0:15:11.600 --> 0:15:15.160 that co parenting is not easy for anyone, but I 0:15:15.200 --> 0:15:18.320 want to make sure that we are creating a stable, 0:15:18.400 --> 0:15:21.280 loving environment for our kids. How do you navigate co 0:15:21.440 --> 0:15:24.840 parenting effectively, especially when you and your ex don't see 0:15:24.840 --> 0:15:27.600 eye to eye. Think of your help and your wisdom 0:15:27.680 --> 0:15:34.440 that you share. Josh, Hey, Josh, thank you brother. I'm 0:15:34.440 --> 0:15:36.520 sorry for the situation. I hope you know that I 0:15:36.560 --> 0:15:40.280 personally have not been in this situation, so I would 0:15:40.280 --> 0:15:45.120 only be speaking my best encouragement to you as a friend. 0:15:46.360 --> 0:15:54.560 And you already know it's not easy. You're out there 0:15:54.560 --> 0:15:58.120 taking arrows. I talked about this with a friend just today. 0:15:58.760 --> 0:16:05.480 Sometimes you got to take the arrows. And sometimes in 0:16:05.600 --> 0:16:10.920 order to improve, because I know you're firing arrows too, Josh, 0:16:11.320 --> 0:16:14.440 in order to improve, you need to fire one less 0:16:14.600 --> 0:16:21.800 arrow than she does. That would be improvement. It sounds 0:16:21.840 --> 0:16:28.880 like you're a big hang up. Is is discipline and 0:16:30.200 --> 0:16:33.400 given given what you're dealing with right now, like you 0:16:33.680 --> 0:16:37.080 can't change what has happened. And ideally parents need our 0:16:37.160 --> 0:16:42.680 kids need two parents, and that's that's God's design. Is 0:16:42.720 --> 0:16:48.280 that kids have two parents, and that the the two personalities. 0:16:48.320 --> 0:16:51.640 Typically what we would see is the the dad has 0:16:53.360 --> 0:16:59.600 has authority and the more the more of the discipline 0:16:59.600 --> 0:17:02.640 aarian than then that the mom, and the mom has 0:17:03.000 --> 0:17:09.879 the nurturing, compassion and wisdom in protection, and then the 0:17:09.960 --> 0:17:12.959 father carries out the protection and carries out the discipline. 0:17:13.400 --> 0:17:19.879 So that that's the partnership. When men and women in 0:17:19.920 --> 0:17:24.240 the Bible are created equal, they they are created equal, 0:17:24.560 --> 0:17:27.679 but that that does not mean equal roles. That means 0:17:28.080 --> 0:17:35.120 that means equal value, but but not equal roles. That's 0:17:35.480 --> 0:17:41.600 really practical, easy to understand. And that's not the point, 0:17:41.640 --> 0:17:43.280 and that's not that's not the point of your email. 0:17:43.760 --> 0:17:46.320 But but I do think it's it's important to remember 0:17:46.359 --> 0:17:51.360 that when parents break up and get a divorce, and 0:17:51.440 --> 0:17:57.240 it's it's not as if two equal parts have now 0:17:57.440 --> 0:18:01.280 split into two and there's one half here and one 0:18:01.320 --> 0:18:06.480 half here. It's equal valued parts have broken up that 0:18:06.520 --> 0:18:09.399 have that have different roles, and so that now the 0:18:09.520 --> 0:18:12.479 roles are split. And that's where the difficulty that that 0:18:12.520 --> 0:18:16.640 you're you're talking about comes in. So what do you do? 0:18:16.440 --> 0:18:21.800 What do you do? I don't know how old your 0:18:21.880 --> 0:18:24.640 kids are, You don't say that. Do you know if 0:18:24.640 --> 0:18:26.920 you said if you said how old the kids are, 0:18:26.920 --> 0:18:32.000 they could start to it could start to help because 0:18:32.080 --> 0:18:35.160 as they get older, you could have conversations about this. 0:18:36.200 --> 0:18:38.480 But what you want to do is always be respectful 0:18:38.520 --> 0:18:41.920 towards your ex wife. You never want to throw shade 0:18:41.960 --> 0:18:45.800 on her or talk behind her back, or give any 0:18:45.840 --> 0:18:49.600 allusion to your kids that you're doing things right and 0:18:49.680 --> 0:18:53.479 your mom's messing it up because well, for a lot 0:18:53.520 --> 0:18:56.320 of reasons, because but one of the reasons is that's 0:18:56.400 --> 0:19:01.960 their mama, so you don't you don't want to put 0:19:02.000 --> 0:19:05.399 their mama in a bad light. And that concept is 0:19:05.600 --> 0:19:09.800 kind of lost in split parenting right now. The idea 0:19:10.160 --> 0:19:13.680 that if anyway, this is kind of a known thing, 0:19:14.160 --> 0:19:17.359 you talk to anybody about their mama in a negative way, 0:19:17.760 --> 0:19:20.800 and we get mad, we get defensive because that's our mama, 0:19:21.800 --> 0:19:26.119 Dad's that includes you when you have divorced the mama 0:19:26.240 --> 0:19:28.960 and that's your ex wife. Just because it's your ex 0:19:29.000 --> 0:19:34.000 wife doesn't give you now a free pass to talk 0:19:34.840 --> 0:19:39.480 negatively about their mama. Just as just as a guy 0:19:39.560 --> 0:19:41.640 in a grocery store or a guy in a bar, 0:19:41.920 --> 0:19:43.560 or a guy in the street or a guy in 0:19:43.600 --> 0:19:47.800 the football team wouldn't say anything negative about someone else's 0:19:47.800 --> 0:19:52.760 mama without them being triggered. That goes with the husbands 0:19:52.760 --> 0:19:56.240 of the ex wives as well. Don't talk about your 0:19:56.280 --> 0:20:00.919 kids mama in a bad way. Wives, I can't speak that. 0:20:01.480 --> 0:20:03.600 I can't speak for you, but I could speak to 0:20:03.640 --> 0:20:08.399 you and say you should take the same advice. And 0:20:08.480 --> 0:20:11.480 so as they get older, you could start to just say, 0:20:12.119 --> 0:20:17.000 you know, your mama loves you so much. She's a 0:20:17.000 --> 0:20:23.040 great mama, and everything she does is out of love. Now, 0:20:23.280 --> 0:20:25.080 we do see things a little bit differently when it 0:20:25.119 --> 0:20:28.400 comes to discipline, and you could probably tell that when 0:20:28.440 --> 0:20:30.399 you come to my house, I'm a little bit stricter 0:20:30.560 --> 0:20:33.080 with this. And I told you that you can't eat 0:20:33.080 --> 0:20:36.960 froot loops because it's sugar and it's bad for you, 0:20:37.080 --> 0:20:42.080 and you know you can get cavities, and so I'm 0:20:42.119 --> 0:20:44.520 sorry that when you come over here, my rule is 0:20:44.560 --> 0:20:47.320 that you can't have froot loops. And when you go 0:20:47.400 --> 0:20:51.199 to your mom's house, she lets you. And that's not 0:20:51.280 --> 0:20:53.879 because I love you more, She loves you least. It 0:20:53.920 --> 0:20:56.800 has nothing to do with that. She just she doesn't 0:20:57.040 --> 0:20:59.760 see it. And she's your mama, and so you got 0:20:59.800 --> 0:21:02.240 to re expect her rules when you go to her house. Okay, 0:21:02.280 --> 0:21:03.919 and she has things that you can't do that I 0:21:04.040 --> 0:21:07.399 let you do. But because we're in this situation and 0:21:07.440 --> 0:21:10.280 I wish we weren't, you're gonna have to go buy 0:21:10.359 --> 0:21:12.880 my rules when you're in my house, and then you're 0:21:12.880 --> 0:21:14.639 gonna have to go buy her rules when when you 0:21:14.680 --> 0:21:18.480 go to her house, and those rules sometimes they don't 0:21:18.480 --> 0:21:22.360 go to each other's house. So these conversations you could 0:21:22.400 --> 0:21:26.080 have with a six, seven eight year old that you 0:21:26.119 --> 0:21:28.639 can't have with a four year old that don't quite 0:21:28.800 --> 0:21:33.960 understand it yet. And these are the difficult conversations that 0:21:34.040 --> 0:21:39.280 come with h you split parenting, And I don't think 0:21:40.359 --> 0:21:43.600 I don't think there's inconsistency there. You're worried about inconsistency 0:21:44.000 --> 0:21:47.800 and confusion. I don't think that that is there. If 0:21:47.840 --> 0:21:49.560 you lay it out like I just did, or you're 0:21:49.600 --> 0:21:58.439 just you, you tell them when I discipline, I do 0:21:58.480 --> 0:22:01.200 it this way. When you're I'm a discipline, she does 0:22:01.240 --> 0:22:03.840 it this way. I'm not saying that your mama is 0:22:03.880 --> 0:22:06.639 doing it wrong. But this is my house and my rules, 0:22:06.840 --> 0:22:09.920 and that's her house in Hurles. Just be very clear 0:22:09.960 --> 0:22:12.840 on that, and I don't think that creates inconsistency. It 0:22:12.880 --> 0:22:16.360 creates inconsistency if they don't know and that's not communicated 0:22:16.600 --> 0:22:19.160 and they just go in there like I think, Dad, 0:22:19.160 --> 0:22:22.880 I thought I could have fruit loops, and you go, 0:22:23.080 --> 0:22:26.040 you're a mama, Let you have those fruit loops. I 0:22:26.040 --> 0:22:28.719 don't know why she does it. That just tears your 0:22:28.760 --> 0:22:33.480 teeth apart and messes up your belly and gives your pimples. 0:22:33.520 --> 0:22:37.399 You shouldn't need that sugary stuff. You know. That's throwing 0:22:37.400 --> 0:22:42.679 shade on mama. Do your best to stay away from that, Josh. 0:22:42.680 --> 0:22:45.120 I'm sorry you're in the situation, man, And I hope 0:22:45.119 --> 0:22:46.080 this helps just a little bit. 0:22:46.760 --> 0:22:48.720 A lot of people thinking about twenty twenty five and 0:22:48.800 --> 0:22:52.520 New Year's resolutions, and a lot of those are business related. 0:22:52.960 --> 0:22:54.919 In fact, a lot of people listening right now are thinking, 0:22:55.119 --> 0:22:57.280 this is the year I'm finally going to start that 0:22:57.400 --> 0:23:00.240 small business something I've been wanting to do it forever, 0:23:00.640 --> 0:23:03.400 and now is the time. 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Don't kick yourself 0:24:10.720 --> 0:24:13.040 when you hear me say this again in a year. 0:24:13.040 --> 0:24:14.440 And you still haven't done anything. 0:24:15.320 --> 0:24:18.600 Established in twenty twenty five has a nice ring to it. 0:24:18.640 --> 0:24:19.040 Doesn't it. 0:24:19.440 --> 0:24:22.199 Sign up for your one dollar per month trial period 0:24:22.240 --> 0:24:25.720 at shopify dot com slash Granger. All lowercase got to 0:24:25.760 --> 0:24:29.600 shopify dot com slash Granger to start selling with Shopify 0:24:29.640 --> 0:24:33.800 today Shopify dot com slash Granger. If you want to 0:24:33.840 --> 0:24:35.359 get a hold of me, an easy way to do 0:24:35.400 --> 0:24:39.359 it is Cameo dot com slash Granger Smith cameo dot 0:24:39.359 --> 0:24:42.960 com slash granger Smith. You could order a video message 0:24:43.119 --> 0:24:46.960 from me saying whatever customizable message you want me to say, 0:24:46.960 --> 0:24:50.639 Happy birthday, happy anniversary, maybe a word of encouragement, whatever 0:24:50.680 --> 0:24:52.280 it might be. I think it's a pretty good gift, 0:24:52.560 --> 0:24:54.440 especially for people you just don't know how to buy 0:24:54.520 --> 0:24:57.160 for get them a cameo from me at cameo dot 0:24:57.200 --> 0:25:00.680 com slash Grangersmith. So wherever you're listing from, whatever platform 0:25:00.720 --> 0:25:02.919 you're listening to this podcast on, I would encourage you 0:25:03.359 --> 0:25:07.200 to check out the YouTube version of this. Every podcast 0:25:07.200 --> 0:25:09.480 that we do, we put it out on YouTube as 0:25:09.480 --> 0:25:11.800 well on my YouTube channel Granger Smith. 0:25:12.480 --> 0:25:14.080 Super easy to find. 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