WEBVTT - So, It's Time To Go Back To Work ft June Diane Raphael 0:00:05.720 --> 0:00:09.719 Hi, everybody, and welcome to Katie's Crib. In this episode, 0:00:09.840 --> 0:00:14.600 we are talking about going back to work, guys. For 0:00:14.640 --> 0:00:17.360 a lot of parents, this is just it is a huge, big, 0:00:17.480 --> 0:00:20.880 monumental decision to make. Am I going back to work? 0:00:21.040 --> 0:00:22.880 When am I going back to work? How do I 0:00:22.920 --> 0:00:26.599 go back to work? Will my baby forget who I am? 0:00:26.640 --> 0:00:28.640 And if you're lucky, you were able to take a 0:00:28.720 --> 0:00:31.600 maternity leave, but it just never feels like enough time. 0:00:31.760 --> 0:00:34.159 So more than half of new moms go back to 0:00:34.159 --> 0:00:36.479 work before their babies turn one, and it can be 0:00:36.720 --> 0:00:40.000 a very tough transition for everybody in the household. So 0:00:40.080 --> 0:00:42.880 we're gonna talk to June Diane Raphael and she stops 0:00:42.880 --> 0:00:45.280 by and shares her experiences of going back to work 0:00:45.320 --> 0:00:48.320 after she had her kids. Then we're talking to a 0:00:48.400 --> 0:00:52.400 labor and employment attorney, Janet Swerdlow, and she breaks it down, 0:00:52.520 --> 0:00:54.800 you know what kind of legal rights expecting and new 0:00:54.840 --> 0:01:04.720 parents have in the workplace. So let's get started. Hi everybody, 0:01:04.880 --> 0:01:07.280 and welcome to Katie's crib. I am here with my 0:01:07.720 --> 0:01:11.560 dear friend June Raphael. We went to college together, did 0:01:11.680 --> 0:01:16.880 Katie lived. We also were in scene study classes together 0:01:18.000 --> 0:01:21.680 like years ago. Did you forget Katie. I have literally 0:01:22.080 --> 0:01:29.000 blocked that out with Richard, with Richard and Doucuez, Nick Douez, 0:01:29.120 --> 0:01:33.480 guys were like scene study classes I've taken, though, like 0:01:33.560 --> 0:01:35.760 I feel like l A is not a great place 0:01:35.840 --> 0:01:39.760 for serious actor training. June, I'm pretty sure that that 0:01:39.880 --> 0:01:41.800 scene we did in that scene class might still go 0:01:41.840 --> 0:01:43.560 down to some of the best acting I've ever done. 0:01:44.200 --> 0:01:48.640 And no one I remember what was it. I really 0:01:48.640 --> 0:01:52.200 don't know. Um, we are here talking to June about 0:01:53.320 --> 0:01:55.720 they were professional actors at that point. I mean, you 0:01:55.760 --> 0:01:58.360 were more than me and like just doing like seed 0:01:58.400 --> 0:02:02.240 work on the side. We are another close. I feel 0:02:02.280 --> 0:02:05.360 the same I am, and you have all The podcast 0:02:05.400 --> 0:02:07.080 is going to go because Jude and I are friendship. 0:02:07.400 --> 0:02:09.840 We talk over each other a lot. I'm so sorry. 0:02:09.919 --> 0:02:14.400 I also forgetting it's an audio medium. Um, So can 0:02:14.480 --> 0:02:16.560 you do me a favor for those who don't. Can 0:02:16.560 --> 0:02:20.000 you take us back to before you had kids? Like, 0:02:20.320 --> 0:02:22.880 take us through just like what a day would look 0:02:22.919 --> 0:02:25.720 like before you threw kids into the mix. Can you 0:02:25.760 --> 0:02:31.679 remember barely? I feel like I like went for walks 0:02:32.440 --> 0:02:35.880 and yeah, I remember. What I remember the most is 0:02:35.919 --> 0:02:40.440 my weekends. Yeah, people, I think don't understand that when 0:02:40.440 --> 0:02:44.200 you're a parent, Like Friday night is Sunday night for me, 0:02:44.440 --> 0:02:47.560 Like Friday night is like Sunday nights when it's like, oh, 0:02:47.639 --> 0:02:52.760 I get to go to vacation tomorrow, meaning work. It 0:02:52.880 --> 0:02:57.200 really is true. Yeah, like the weekends, like let's like 0:02:57.680 --> 0:02:59.919 all right, let's go. We gotta fill up our day. 0:03:00.080 --> 0:03:03.600 We got to like make it to birthday parties, down 0:03:03.639 --> 0:03:09.200 the naps, yeah, and just drive through it all you 0:03:09.280 --> 0:03:12.040 have too. I have two children, and what are their ages? 0:03:12.919 --> 0:03:15.799 Four years? Just as if a few weeks ago and 0:03:17.160 --> 0:03:20.080 one months? What is twenty one months? I don't know, 0:03:20.240 --> 0:03:23.519 is it? Okay? It's under two years? Just under two years, okay, 0:03:23.560 --> 0:03:25.600 So they're pretty close in age. They pretty close in age. 0:03:25.639 --> 0:03:27.800 I mean you sort of bang that out. I did. 0:03:28.080 --> 0:03:31.200 I did, which I I recommend, although it was insane 0:03:31.280 --> 0:03:33.840 for a year. But now I'm seeing the fruits of that, 0:03:34.040 --> 0:03:37.320 Like I'm seeing that they connect. We're in a really 0:03:37.360 --> 0:03:39.720 good time right now. That's good. Caught me in a 0:03:39.720 --> 0:03:43.280 good in a good in a good season. What would 0:03:43.320 --> 0:03:45.800 you describe your work life balance before you had kids? 0:03:46.320 --> 0:03:50.320 Like you know what I mean, Like I feel like 0:03:50.680 --> 0:03:52.320 I think when you're an actor trying to be an 0:03:52.320 --> 0:03:54.240 actor or whatever it is out there that you're trying 0:03:54.280 --> 0:03:56.800 to do, you spend a lot of your hours getting 0:03:56.800 --> 0:03:59.680 after that. But then also you would what spend your 0:03:59.720 --> 0:04:02.360 weekend ends or Friday nights. We're going to say anything 0:04:02.440 --> 0:04:06.400 that's that revolutionary, But I'm shocked at how much time 0:04:06.440 --> 0:04:11.560 I wasted. And I think that being a working mother 0:04:11.600 --> 0:04:15.880 who's creative is a really interesting challenge because there are 0:04:15.960 --> 0:04:18.960 times where I'm like, no, I have to procrastinate. I 0:04:19.080 --> 0:04:21.320 have to It's not like I'm sitting down and doing 0:04:21.360 --> 0:04:24.200 Excel sheets, do you know what I mean? Like, if 0:04:24.240 --> 0:04:27.159 I'm thinking about something, or you know, Casey and I 0:04:27.240 --> 0:04:29.880 write together, if we're pitching on whatever, there's got to 0:04:29.920 --> 0:04:31.719 be a certain amount of time built in in the 0:04:31.760 --> 0:04:37.080 creative process to funk around absolutely, to talk about everything 0:04:37.080 --> 0:04:40.119 that's not related to what we should be talking about, 0:04:40.320 --> 0:04:42.400 because it might come out of that right, because that's 0:04:42.440 --> 0:04:46.719 the process. And yet when you're a working parents, you're like, well, 0:04:46.760 --> 0:04:48.400 I only have so many hours to work. I gotta 0:04:48.480 --> 0:04:52.719 get it done. But the creative process is not that box. 0:04:54.800 --> 0:04:58.680 Think about that. It's a little hard to give myself 0:04:58.720 --> 0:05:01.240 permission to just I mean I've never done this. I 0:05:01.279 --> 0:05:03.240 don't even know why. This is what I would like 0:05:03.320 --> 0:05:04.560 to do, to be like, oh, you know today, I'm 0:05:04.560 --> 0:05:06.600 gonna go see a movie. I've never heard of it. 0:05:06.920 --> 0:05:09.440 I don't even watch TV anymore. It's horrifying and I 0:05:09.480 --> 0:05:11.479 only have a seven month old. I mean, does that change? 0:05:11.480 --> 0:05:13.960 Will I get better? Will I ever watch TV again? Well? 0:05:14.160 --> 0:05:16.599 Is he sleeping through the night? He's put down? Okay, 0:05:16.640 --> 0:05:19.400 So because you get your nights back to a certain extent, 0:05:19.440 --> 0:05:21.200 and then I think you start to lose them again. 0:05:21.360 --> 0:05:23.880 Like I'm starting to like Gus is now going about 0:05:24.000 --> 0:05:25.920 like eight as opposed to seven, and I'm like, oh, 0:05:26.000 --> 0:05:30.880 he's creeping in, scrapping into your nighttime. Um, when you 0:05:30.920 --> 0:05:33.680 had your first kid, did you take time off? How 0:05:33.760 --> 0:05:35.760 much time? Did you feel pressure to go back to 0:05:35.760 --> 0:05:41.480 work very quickly? So when I had my first I 0:05:41.520 --> 0:05:46.520 auditioned for Grace and Frankie at three weeks postpartum. What yes, wait, 0:05:46.760 --> 0:05:50.120 what I know that? And I was still in my 0:05:50.440 --> 0:05:53.520 you know, as Ali Wang says, like the candies you 0:05:53.560 --> 0:05:55.960 were still in like your nice diaper that comes along 0:05:55.960 --> 0:06:01.600 with a very difficult birth. I was really recovering. So 0:06:01.760 --> 0:06:04.599 Casey got married two weeks after I gave birth and 0:06:04.640 --> 0:06:08.320 I was her maid of honor. So I had this wedding. 0:06:09.480 --> 0:06:12.680 Not kidding, we loved Casey, but seriously, no, I regret 0:06:13.720 --> 0:06:16.160 not fully being present for that wedding, you know what 0:06:16.240 --> 0:06:18.800 I mean. I was there, but I was like, I 0:06:18.880 --> 0:06:23.640 was like um weeken with Bernie's Like I felt it 0:06:23.920 --> 0:06:27.159 was like being moved around in sunglasses. Yeah, pretty much. 0:06:27.279 --> 0:06:31.039 It was not your assault, I know. And I just 0:06:31.080 --> 0:06:32.920 felt like I was a witness more than I was 0:06:32.960 --> 0:06:36.560 a participant. I was just in a crazy moment in 0:06:36.640 --> 0:06:38.720 my life. So you guys, for those who don't know, 0:06:38.839 --> 0:06:43.960 I'm referencing Casey, guests, former guests, and former friend but 0:06:44.279 --> 0:06:47.200 and very good friend Junes. But also June has a phrase, 0:06:47.279 --> 0:06:51.640 what do you call the first few months post baby? 0:06:51.920 --> 0:06:55.520 She calls them the dark times, which when I first 0:06:55.920 --> 0:06:57.839 had my son and we first spoke and I was 0:06:57.880 --> 0:06:59.640 so in it, you were like, oh, yeah, you're in 0:06:59.680 --> 0:07:03.680 the dark time, which you have labeled as I think 0:07:03.800 --> 0:07:07.800 they are. It's night. It's that's a constant state of night, 0:07:08.440 --> 0:07:11.400 and like it's just there's no beginning or end to 0:07:11.480 --> 0:07:14.080 the night. It's all night. It's all night time. So 0:07:14.200 --> 0:07:16.520 did you go back to work and c you were 0:07:16.560 --> 0:07:19.320 auditioning quickly liked audition. That was the only thing I 0:07:19.360 --> 0:07:21.400 was going to audition four because they like, I got 0:07:21.440 --> 0:07:24.480 this script and I saw the part, and it's very interesting. 0:07:24.480 --> 0:07:28.120 Sometimes we read something that the lines come easily. So 0:07:28.200 --> 0:07:31.880 I actually didn't spend much time for like memorizing the lines, 0:07:32.400 --> 0:07:35.560 which I think is telling because it just was I 0:07:35.600 --> 0:07:38.000 was like, oh, I know how to do this. I 0:07:38.040 --> 0:07:41.160 memorized them in like two minutes and went in when 0:07:41.160 --> 0:07:44.760 I went. I remember going to the audition and it 0:07:44.880 --> 0:07:47.400 was such a feat to get there, to go to 0:07:47.440 --> 0:07:50.440 Paramount for my house. How did you leave your house? 0:07:50.560 --> 0:07:53.760 And I was like breastfeeding and I was just like 0:07:54.800 --> 0:07:57.200 I left. Was the first time when I left for 0:07:57.240 --> 0:08:01.800 that audition that Gus had a bottle with breast milk 0:08:01.840 --> 0:08:04.840 in it. And I was like, I don't know what's 0:08:04.880 --> 0:08:07.840 going to happen. Who did you leave him with? Paul 0:08:08.160 --> 0:08:10.560 your husband? My husband? How did you feel leaving and 0:08:10.560 --> 0:08:13.440 getting behind? Because I feel like this is Paul was there, 0:08:13.560 --> 0:08:16.600 My dad was there and with his girlfriend because he 0:08:16.680 --> 0:08:21.120 had come to Casey's weddings, so he was there, and 0:08:21.200 --> 0:08:25.440 so when I came back, they were I went to 0:08:25.440 --> 0:08:28.760 the audition, I was again Bernie, you know, just like 0:08:29.240 --> 0:08:31.480 going through My hair was in a bunch, giant but 0:08:31.560 --> 0:08:34.200 at the top of my head, nice cute. But it 0:08:34.280 --> 0:08:37.360 was all I could do, you know. And I did 0:08:37.360 --> 0:08:40.800 this scene twice. I did both scenes one time each 0:08:40.840 --> 0:08:44.080 and then left and was so proud. Was so not 0:08:44.240 --> 0:08:47.880 about the audition, which was like, God, if I could 0:08:47.920 --> 0:08:50.240 bring that into my other work, it was like the 0:08:50.360 --> 0:08:54.040 least of my concerns, um And then I came back 0:08:54.080 --> 0:08:56.440 and I were driving the top of our street and 0:08:56.520 --> 0:08:59.560 I saw like us at three weeks old in the 0:08:59.640 --> 0:09:03.680 baby carriage with my dad and Paul, and he was 0:09:03.960 --> 0:09:09.240 so happy. By the way, my breastfeeding whole, like journey 0:09:09.240 --> 0:09:12.920 with us was a disaster. And I realized now like 0:09:12.960 --> 0:09:15.960 I was starving him because he had a full bottle 0:09:16.000 --> 0:09:18.040 and was like the happiest ever been, so like the 0:09:18.080 --> 0:09:20.000 first time I left him. I came back, I was like, oh, 0:09:20.280 --> 0:09:25.079 I guess you've just been hungry. Guys. Breastfeeding literally is 0:09:25.120 --> 0:09:27.520 the hardest thing in the entire world, you know what 0:09:27.679 --> 0:09:29.720 I resent. I think I said this to Katie, but 0:09:29.840 --> 0:09:31.920 like I Okay, the push in healthcare to get all 0:09:32.000 --> 0:09:35.800 mom's breastfeeding, like yes, yes, yes, save for this. There's 0:09:35.840 --> 0:09:38.760 no infrastructure to support it in the real world. There 0:09:38.920 --> 0:09:42.840 is no like every public space, sorry I'm screaming, I 0:09:42.880 --> 0:09:46.280 love it, scream away should have a private lactation area 0:09:47.360 --> 0:09:53.239 in this contrary period period, every public space, every workspace, 0:09:53.440 --> 0:09:57.440 I don't give a fuck, So thank you. So that's 0:09:57.440 --> 0:09:59.680 how I feel about that, which is like, how dare 0:09:59.720 --> 0:10:03.199 you push women so hard, from their doctors, to their 0:10:03.200 --> 0:10:06.480 pediatric stands, to every sort of like resource that's out there, 0:10:06.480 --> 0:10:08.760 that this is the best thing and then provide no 0:10:08.880 --> 0:10:12.520 support in the world for it. It's criminal. So I 0:10:12.600 --> 0:10:16.040 struggled through it and had bought into like, oh, there's 0:10:16.080 --> 0:10:20.520 no other way. I can't give bottles. Well you can, 0:10:20.840 --> 0:10:25.720 well you can, well you can um and they're great. 0:10:26.120 --> 0:10:29.640 So pretty early on you got behind the wheel of 0:10:29.640 --> 0:10:31.160 a car and drove and left your house and like 0:10:31.440 --> 0:10:33.800 became a presentable human being. And do you remember I 0:10:33.880 --> 0:10:35.839 can remember the first time leaving and driving back being 0:10:35.840 --> 0:10:39.480 like I'm a mom, Like that's my identity. Now as 0:10:39.480 --> 0:10:41.360 I walk through this world and I don't know who 0:10:41.360 --> 0:10:45.760 the fucking hell I am, Like it's so weird, and 0:10:45.800 --> 0:10:48.320 now I don't even remember those times, like at all? 0:10:48.640 --> 0:10:53.360 Did you, um, what was your help? Assistance, babysitter, family, 0:10:53.480 --> 0:10:57.800 husband at home? What has been your infrastructure? I'm curious 0:10:57.880 --> 0:11:01.040 from baby one to baby two, from what I can tell, 0:11:01.640 --> 0:11:05.680 child raising with all the help, if you're a working mother, 0:11:05.800 --> 0:11:09.960 it just turns into a crap ton of logistics people's 0:11:11.280 --> 0:11:16.640 So how tell me about finding help and nanny? How 0:11:16.679 --> 0:11:20.080 did that make you feel? Was that a decision that 0:11:20.120 --> 0:11:22.720 you and Paul had made previous too? Yeah, we did, 0:11:22.760 --> 0:11:29.520 but with such little um education on what a work 0:11:29.640 --> 0:11:33.600 the rights of domestic workers are and you know what 0:11:33.720 --> 0:11:36.959 it is like doing employed to domestic workers in California 0:11:37.000 --> 0:11:40.280 and just simply what you know, we were taking other 0:11:40.280 --> 0:11:42.440 responsibilities we're taking on as employers, which I think a 0:11:42.440 --> 0:11:45.440 lot of moms do not understand, and I wish there 0:11:45.520 --> 0:11:48.360 was more education on there's a Domestic Rates Act the 0:11:48.360 --> 0:11:54.679 past there are legally um like I've now printed out 0:11:54.760 --> 0:11:58.400 that you know, my god, I don't know anything about 0:11:58.400 --> 0:12:01.480 this right but because most moms don't, and you have 0:12:01.559 --> 0:12:03.920 most moms, not most moms, but a lot of moms 0:12:03.920 --> 0:12:09.000 are employers. And so I definitely struggled in that department 0:12:09.120 --> 0:12:13.040 with I hired someone before I had the baby and 0:12:13.120 --> 0:12:15.920 had no idea what I needed or wanted and was like, 0:12:16.040 --> 0:12:17.679 do you know how to do cprs? She was like yeah, 0:12:17.720 --> 0:12:21.960 I'm like my question was do you know? My question 0:12:22.000 --> 0:12:24.839 was do you know how to handle a circumcision? Like 0:12:25.080 --> 0:12:27.960 literally like and now people know I'll be circumcised. But 0:12:28.360 --> 0:12:30.760 he is like, I was literally like do you know 0:12:30.760 --> 0:12:33.440 how to handle that? Because like, I'm really freaked out 0:12:33.520 --> 0:12:35.800 and don't want to deal with that. Great you do. 0:12:36.000 --> 0:12:41.199 You're hired, no idea, no idea, no idea. And what 0:12:41.240 --> 0:12:44.360 I found is so you didn't use like a nanny service. 0:12:44.480 --> 0:12:46.840 I didn't. I ended out you did again and I 0:12:46.920 --> 0:12:51.240 found um a nanny who I ended up doing that 0:12:51.320 --> 0:12:54.480 because I had I made a misstep earlier on and 0:12:55.280 --> 0:12:58.000 with the woman I hired was not the right fit personality, 0:12:58.040 --> 0:13:00.720 how do you know? Just personality wise, reality wise? I 0:13:00.760 --> 0:13:03.079 felt like I was a new mom. There was a 0:13:03.120 --> 0:13:07.600 lot of judgment coming my way and I couldn't handle it. 0:13:07.960 --> 0:13:10.199 She was not supportive of breastfeeding, and she made me 0:13:10.240 --> 0:13:15.880 feel really badly and she would do like voices as gus. 0:13:15.880 --> 0:13:19.160 She'd be like, I'm hungry, mom, what And I am 0:13:19.240 --> 0:13:25.000 hungry and I was like, wait what And I will 0:13:25.080 --> 0:13:27.720 say it wasn't the right fit, but I did try 0:13:27.720 --> 0:13:32.640 to have many conversations with her. You know, here's the 0:13:32.679 --> 0:13:36.560 thing I'll say about like bringing someone into your life 0:13:36.600 --> 0:13:38.960 to support you. I really believe that there are so 0:13:39.000 --> 0:13:44.960 many unbelievable domestic workers in nanny's who who make you know, 0:13:45.080 --> 0:13:48.760 working mother's lives possible. And it's a beautiful relationship and 0:13:48.760 --> 0:13:51.920 it's also professional relationship and should be treated as much. 0:13:52.760 --> 0:13:54.680 And I think we live in a world where it's 0:13:54.720 --> 0:13:57.920 like the work is devalued and so it is not 0:13:58.760 --> 0:14:05.440 given the professional treatment that it should be, and boundaries 0:14:05.480 --> 0:14:08.040 are crossed and they don't have an h R department 0:14:08.080 --> 0:14:10.680 to go to, and so you moms are like taking 0:14:10.880 --> 0:14:13.840 on this thing that they don't even And I really 0:14:13.840 --> 0:14:16.400 wish there was more support both for domestic workers and 0:14:16.480 --> 0:14:19.480 for mothers and parents. You know, this should really be 0:14:19.560 --> 0:14:22.040 a class. Like of course, like you know, in l A, 0:14:22.120 --> 0:14:25.280 we're very fortunate and for you guys listening, like you know, 0:14:25.400 --> 0:14:29.960 there are a lot of classes offered in childbirth. You know, 0:14:30.200 --> 0:14:32.400 how to do a diaper, how to do a swaddle, 0:14:32.480 --> 0:14:35.320 things like that, but there really are no classes offered 0:14:35.440 --> 0:14:38.760 in how nanny, how to take care of a nanny, 0:14:38.760 --> 0:14:43.880 how to really put boundaries up, like set yourself as 0:14:44.080 --> 0:14:46.080 a leader, or I felt like whatever it is that 0:14:46.160 --> 0:14:49.720 you know, it is a very very very interesting and tricky. 0:14:49.720 --> 0:14:51.280 And I'm saying from both sides because I was a 0:14:51.360 --> 0:14:54.200 nanny for from the other side too. I mean, I 0:14:54.720 --> 0:14:56.600 wasn't a nanny, but it was a babysitter, and so 0:14:56.800 --> 0:14:59.720 understand like it's a it's a domestic space you're walking into. 0:14:59.760 --> 0:15:03.280 It's a very interesting thing to navigate. So I was 0:15:03.360 --> 0:15:05.840 fortunate enough very early on. I mean, gus is only 0:15:05.880 --> 0:15:10.800 three months to find the woman who I love and 0:15:10.840 --> 0:15:15.760 a door and who I respect, and it has made 0:15:15.800 --> 0:15:18.160 my life possible. And she's still with you, still with me, 0:15:18.720 --> 0:15:22.960 would be with me till the day I dict um. 0:15:23.000 --> 0:15:29.040 She is wonderful. She is very very lucky to have her, 0:15:29.120 --> 0:15:33.840 and she is truly both taken care of my children 0:15:33.920 --> 0:15:37.000 and taken care of me in doing that. And the 0:15:37.000 --> 0:15:40.040 thing that I find most important is my relationship with her. 0:15:40.080 --> 0:15:42.840 It's like she's great with the kids, of course, but 0:15:43.240 --> 0:15:47.080 I am so proud of the relationship we have that 0:15:47.160 --> 0:15:50.080 we've worked on that you know, we had gone through 0:15:50.080 --> 0:15:53.760 conflicts before that. Yeah, and we've had, like you know, 0:15:53.840 --> 0:15:56.760 we do it a little less frequently now, but in 0:15:56.800 --> 0:15:58.400 the beginning when it was just us and I didn't 0:15:58.440 --> 0:16:00.440 have the second like we would have mean eating once 0:16:00.440 --> 0:16:02.440 a month, Oh my god, I need to do that, 0:16:03.120 --> 0:16:05.360 just like I want to hear how is this going 0:16:05.520 --> 0:16:08.400 for you? What do there anything want to talk about? 0:16:09.440 --> 0:16:11.280 Here's a couple of things that I want to talk about. 0:16:11.320 --> 0:16:14.400 Like it's a job, it is. What was it like 0:16:14.480 --> 0:16:17.920 the first time you ever left your home, your kid 0:16:17.960 --> 0:16:20.640 to go to work, and how did you feel and 0:16:20.680 --> 0:16:22.640 how did others make you feel? The first day I 0:16:22.640 --> 0:16:24.400 went to work was on Grayson Frankie, and I had 0:16:24.400 --> 0:16:38.040 a clugged duct. The first day I went to work 0:16:38.080 --> 0:16:40.440 was on Grayson Frankie and I had a clugged duct, 0:16:40.840 --> 0:16:45.840 mother fucker. And I was literal id for I've never 0:16:45.880 --> 0:16:47.800 had one before, so I didn't know what was happening. 0:16:48.080 --> 0:16:50.040 And I remember being in the makeup trail or just 0:16:50.080 --> 0:16:53.000 like getting ready to a scene with Jane, and I 0:16:53.160 --> 0:16:58.840 was like, my nipple is there was shooting pain. And 0:16:58.880 --> 0:17:03.640 I was texting my lactation helper and she was like, 0:17:03.720 --> 0:17:08.720 you must sterilize the needle and then pop it. I 0:17:08.359 --> 0:17:13.359 had never and I've had four o'clocks I have. I'm sorry. Okay, 0:17:13.400 --> 0:17:17.000 So it was what they call a bled What is that? 0:17:17.160 --> 0:17:21.360 What is that? It's a little white thing. So I 0:17:21.400 --> 0:17:24.720 was like, I can't do that. I'm working. So I worked. Yes, 0:17:24.840 --> 0:17:28.320 I worked through the day. This breast, I'll never was 0:17:28.359 --> 0:17:31.920 a rock. It was a rock. I couldn't pump out 0:17:31.920 --> 0:17:34.480 of it. It was shooting pain. Yeah. So then like 0:17:34.560 --> 0:17:36.240 having to explain to the A D S like I 0:17:36.320 --> 0:17:38.480 have to go pump and this is all when I 0:17:38.480 --> 0:17:41.560 talk about like lactation rooms. It's also just educating people 0:17:42.000 --> 0:17:46.320 like you have a working mother, you know. It's I 0:17:46.320 --> 0:17:48.320 would get so fucking mad at the A d S. 0:17:48.359 --> 0:17:51.560 They would get on their talkies and be like, um, 0:17:51.720 --> 0:17:54.479 June has to go do her thing, and then like 0:17:55.040 --> 0:17:58.560 I'm not embarrassed about it. I'm going to pump breast milk, 0:17:59.160 --> 0:18:03.679 like like where are we like breasted? Like this is 0:18:03.760 --> 0:18:06.320 so stupid. Oh my god. I had such an I'm 0:18:06.359 --> 0:18:11.560 so at all a D department. Oh my god. Now 0:18:11.600 --> 0:18:14.760 I had support from I had support from other people 0:18:14.800 --> 0:18:16.879 for sure, but like I felt a head to like 0:18:17.000 --> 0:18:20.920 really navigate that with some of the just when you 0:18:21.000 --> 0:18:24.240 said to Gus the first time, did it feel like 0:18:24.280 --> 0:18:25.639 a thing or did it not even feel like a thing, 0:18:25.680 --> 0:18:26.960 Like you were in work mode and it was like 0:18:27.000 --> 0:18:28.760 easy for you or was it like dealing with that 0:18:28.880 --> 0:18:34.240 rock hard breath so much pain? And then I went 0:18:34.320 --> 0:18:37.240 home and the electrician filt and was like nurse and nurse, 0:18:37.280 --> 0:18:39.119 and I was like, I can't, I can't, I can't. 0:18:39.480 --> 0:18:41.880 And so he was liked like trying to get on 0:18:42.040 --> 0:18:45.360 the nipple, and I was just so I couldn't do it, 0:18:45.640 --> 0:18:47.600 and of course I felt and I was like crying. 0:18:48.160 --> 0:18:51.119 My mother in law was over and she had she 0:18:51.280 --> 0:18:54.439 was she's an r N. She had the steriles like 0:18:54.520 --> 0:18:56.480 I'm going to you know, I'll do it for you. 0:18:56.880 --> 0:18:59.520 And we sat in my bathroom and she put a 0:18:59.600 --> 0:19:04.840 needle my nipple and I'm sorry, I'm sorry. And then 0:19:05.000 --> 0:19:11.600 the craziest thing happened. So if you can imagine this 0:19:11.920 --> 0:19:16.240 tiniest stream of milk popping out of your nipple, like 0:19:16.640 --> 0:19:22.480 but like projectile, steady, but like a pin, like so 0:19:22.600 --> 0:19:30.320 thin like a pin, and I just had to empty it. Okay, 0:19:30.560 --> 0:19:39.960 you guys, whatever, whatever, because it was like it could 0:19:41.520 --> 0:19:43.600 you couldn't see it because it was like it would 0:19:43.600 --> 0:19:46.680 be so small. It was, but it was a steady 0:19:46.760 --> 0:19:50.679 stream that I had to forever, that I had to 0:19:50.720 --> 0:19:55.720 get out leaving Gus. I mean, honestly, Katie, I don't 0:19:55.760 --> 0:19:59.199 even remember the moment. I remember it was like the 0:19:59.240 --> 0:20:02.000 moment you're talking about the identity shift was. I think 0:20:02.040 --> 0:20:05.560 he was probably like maybe four weeks old or so, 0:20:05.800 --> 0:20:08.600 and the first night out Paul and I did, we 0:20:08.640 --> 0:20:11.080 went to a Billy Joel was performing at Hollywood Bowl, 0:20:11.720 --> 0:20:14.680 and I remember that was our first night out and 0:20:14.720 --> 0:20:18.840 sitting there and thinking, I will never be alone with 0:20:18.920 --> 0:20:23.800 my own thoughts again. I will be me inside this 0:20:23.880 --> 0:20:27.600 head of mine and then I'll be with him. And 0:20:27.680 --> 0:20:30.720 it was this like I felt like I was being 0:20:30.760 --> 0:20:36.680 split into It was really intense, and it was really 0:20:37.920 --> 0:20:42.200 an identity shift that I can only say, like you'll 0:20:42.240 --> 0:20:46.720 go through. Maybe the last time was like puberty of like, oh, 0:20:46.720 --> 0:20:53.000 I'm not a baby anyhore right right now. I feel 0:20:54.359 --> 0:20:58.959 I have been with him forever. Difference that and I 0:20:59.000 --> 0:21:01.760 felt like I had to really grieve that time alone 0:21:01.880 --> 0:21:07.680 with myself. I remember, like I when I first had Albie, 0:21:07.720 --> 0:21:10.239 I really didn't connect to him, quickly, and so I 0:21:10.280 --> 0:21:12.600 had a night nurse, and I felt bad because I 0:21:12.640 --> 0:21:15.640 had had other friends that had had a night nurse, 0:21:16.080 --> 0:21:18.119 but they had after three nights, said you know what, 0:21:18.200 --> 0:21:19.760 we don't need it. We don't want someone else in 0:21:19.800 --> 0:21:22.960 our house, and we really we don't. Really, I want 0:21:22.960 --> 0:21:25.159 to do this on my own. So I thought that 0:21:25.160 --> 0:21:27.480 was my experience, and yet I didn't connect to Alby's 0:21:27.480 --> 0:21:28.639 in the night nurse would come every night and I 0:21:28.680 --> 0:21:30.679 would happily pass him off right like I was like, 0:21:30.760 --> 0:21:32.520 please take him. I don't like this. I don't know 0:21:32.520 --> 0:21:34.320 what I'm doing. This is like literally the least fun 0:21:34.359 --> 0:21:37.119 I've ever had. This is the dark times, Okay. And 0:21:37.160 --> 0:21:39.280 then at about six weeks I started to go back 0:21:39.280 --> 0:21:43.000 to work slowly and we had our nanny and simultaneously, 0:21:43.040 --> 0:21:45.200 it's kind of when I fell in love with Albie 0:21:45.280 --> 0:21:48.360 and I remember her giving him a bath and I 0:21:48.440 --> 0:21:53.480 wanted to ring her fucking neck like like I just 0:21:53.720 --> 0:21:56.080 was like the mama bear came out of me, like 0:21:56.080 --> 0:21:58.120 he's mine, he's mine, he's mine, it's my responsibility. I'm 0:21:58.200 --> 0:21:59.520 supposed to be the one taking gear of him. You're 0:21:59.520 --> 0:22:01.120 not supposed to be dank. Given that is since then 0:22:01.160 --> 0:22:05.680 completely saving it. But at first I had a really 0:22:05.720 --> 0:22:08.440 hard time just watching somebody else take care of my kid. 0:22:08.480 --> 0:22:10.000 Now I don't know if it's because my mom was 0:22:10.080 --> 0:22:13.119 a stay at home mom and I felt like I 0:22:13.160 --> 0:22:14.879 felt like she did a great job and I was 0:22:14.960 --> 0:22:17.000 somewhat failing. It's a lot of the pressure we put 0:22:17.000 --> 0:22:20.720 on herself. It's really have you found that judgment as 0:22:20.720 --> 0:22:24.920 far as being a working mom and having your nanny 0:22:25.000 --> 0:22:29.800 come with you places or yes, I think that's been 0:22:29.880 --> 0:22:34.520 hard to navigate, but um, it gets it's gotten a 0:22:34.560 --> 0:22:38.359 lot easier. And I will say have a very easy child. 0:22:38.359 --> 0:22:42.240 I have a very easy older child, and the baby 0:22:42.560 --> 0:22:46.280 is very like forgiving of me. So I haven't felt 0:22:46.600 --> 0:22:48.400 like I remember Gusts went through a period that where 0:22:48.400 --> 0:22:50.680 I was working a lot where I would come home 0:22:51.560 --> 0:22:55.480 and he would be angry with me, and I haven't 0:22:55.520 --> 0:22:57.680 found that. Oh God, that is going to just break 0:22:57.720 --> 0:23:01.000 my heart. Yeah, And he was like, withhold and now 0:23:01.160 --> 0:23:06.359 you work for me. So so much of what I'm 0:23:06.400 --> 0:23:11.679 realizing for myself is like I have to come in 0:23:11.760 --> 0:23:14.960