WEBVTT - Baby Blues 0:00:01.000 --> 0:00:04.440 This is How Men Think with Brooks Flight and Gavin 0:00:04.519 --> 0:00:09.400 to Grab and I heard radio podcast. Welcome to another 0:00:09.400 --> 0:00:11.520 episode of How Men Think. My name is Brooks Like 0:00:11.680 --> 0:00:14.520 and I will be co hosting today and it's a 0:00:14.600 --> 0:00:18.759 super exciting day, a monumental day because we have one 0:00:18.840 --> 0:00:22.919 man stepping up. He's been promoted from the minor leagues 0:00:23.120 --> 0:00:27.200 to the major leagues to co host alongside me. Ryan 0:00:27.640 --> 0:00:31.720 that that sounded good, Heylus to you, buddy, This is 0:00:31.720 --> 0:00:33.919 It was only a matter of time before I was promoted. 0:00:34.400 --> 0:00:38.599 You know, Gavin is not pulling his weight, he's not 0:00:38.680 --> 0:00:41.720 quite cutting it. Luckily, he's not here to defend himself, 0:00:41.720 --> 0:00:45.159 so I'm here to step up and you know, be 0:00:45.600 --> 0:00:50.839 the face of this podcast. Um. This is a performance 0:00:51.000 --> 0:00:54.480 driven podcast and management has done a thorough review of 0:00:54.560 --> 0:00:58.280 your performance lately and you've come out flying. So we've promoted. 0:00:58.280 --> 0:00:59.880 You've got gonna see if we're gonna test you on 0:00:59.880 --> 0:01:02.600 the first line here, see if you can handle the 0:01:02.640 --> 0:01:06.320 big minutes, and then we'll review you after this show. 0:01:06.440 --> 0:01:11.920 I look forward to that, but I'm super I'm excited 0:01:11.959 --> 0:01:13.480 to have anybody it's just you and I and we 0:01:13.520 --> 0:01:16.440 also have Amy in studio with us and in Easton's 0:01:16.480 --> 0:01:20.720 here as well, So super intimate group today. You'll quickly 0:01:20.720 --> 0:01:22.800 find out why it's just the two of you, and 0:01:22.840 --> 0:01:26.240 then that's it and we're going to get into a 0:01:26.400 --> 0:01:30.640 serious conversation today. A few episodes back, we did a 0:01:30.760 --> 0:01:34.600 topic around me asking questions of fatherhood, and you weren't 0:01:34.680 --> 0:01:36.520 at that one because you're about to have your second 0:01:36.560 --> 0:01:38.600 baby and I want to know what fatherhood is like. 0:01:38.680 --> 0:01:41.360 And now you've had your second baby, and now we're 0:01:41.400 --> 0:01:43.520 going to do a deep dive into what that is 0:01:43.600 --> 0:01:48.200 truly like. So can you give us a little backstory here? 0:01:48.280 --> 0:01:51.400 How long ago was your second baby born? And and 0:01:51.760 --> 0:01:55.080 the what do you have? Boys? Girls? Just give our 0:01:55.080 --> 0:01:58.600 listeners a back a little context here. So our first 0:01:59.000 --> 0:02:03.880 son turned to about five weeks ago, and on that 0:02:04.120 --> 0:02:07.640 same week, our second son was born, so they're almost 0:02:07.960 --> 0:02:15.280 exactly two years apart. Our youngest is now five weeks old. UM, 0:02:15.320 --> 0:02:20.400 and it's exhausting, truly exhausting. Like are you just saying 0:02:20.400 --> 0:02:22.680 like as parents say, like it's exhausting or is like 0:02:22.760 --> 0:02:25.960 can you unpack for somebody like me and Amy that 0:02:26.040 --> 0:02:29.720 do not have kids by exhausting? Like what do you 0:02:29.760 --> 0:02:34.040 mean specifically? I have so many emotions going through my head. 0:02:34.200 --> 0:02:38.400 I am look. On the one hand, I'm like you, 0:02:38.720 --> 0:02:41.480 this is everything you've ever wanted, right, especially when you 0:02:41.480 --> 0:02:42.840 go through I v F. It's like you made the 0:02:42.840 --> 0:02:47.320 conscious decision to have another kid. We now have a second, 0:02:47.800 --> 0:02:52.079 perfectly healthy, happy son, and that is everything my wife 0:02:52.080 --> 0:02:54.799 and I have always wanted. Now, what I have come 0:02:54.840 --> 0:02:57.560 to find out in the last five weeks is that 0:02:57.639 --> 0:03:01.160 it is man on man, and it's dividing and conquering. 0:03:01.400 --> 0:03:05.120 And I'm trying to work a full time job, trying 0:03:05.160 --> 0:03:09.320 to maintain a marriage, trying to keep my two year 0:03:09.360 --> 0:03:13.600 old happy and running around and keep a five week 0:03:13.639 --> 0:03:16.120 old from getting sick from the two year old, and 0:03:16.760 --> 0:03:23.040 a million things that. It's like, sleep is very minimal, Uh, 0:03:23.080 --> 0:03:25.880 there is no social life. It's a lot like I'm 0:03:25.919 --> 0:03:28.440 I'm at my wits end quite frankly, like I'm on 0:03:28.480 --> 0:03:31.640 the verge of a nervous breakdown. I mean that seriously. Wow, 0:03:31.800 --> 0:03:33.679 thank you, buddy, I appreciate you sharing. First off, I 0:03:33.680 --> 0:03:36.360 want to acknowledge you and your wife just for being 0:03:36.680 --> 0:03:40.600 parents to me. That's that's something I yearned for in 0:03:40.640 --> 0:03:44.240 my life. I can't wait. It's a it's something greater 0:03:44.280 --> 0:03:46.880 than any professional success or anything I could ever have. 0:03:47.240 --> 0:03:49.520 I really want to be the goals in my life 0:03:49.520 --> 0:03:50.880 that I had the biggest things in my life for 0:03:51.000 --> 0:03:53.600 to be a loving husband and a father one day. 0:03:53.640 --> 0:03:55.680 So I want to acknowledge you for being parents. I 0:03:55.720 --> 0:04:00.440 look up to parents. UM, have the utmost respect for parents. 0:04:00.800 --> 0:04:03.000 So UM, that's why I want to ask you all 0:04:03.000 --> 0:04:04.200 this stuff. So I want to learn. I want to 0:04:04.240 --> 0:04:07.520 try and prepare myself. Um. But when you say sleep 0:04:07.680 --> 0:04:10.920 is like almost non existent, can you unpack that for us? 0:04:10.960 --> 0:04:13.960 Like so much? Would you sleep at night typically? I 0:04:13.960 --> 0:04:18.080 mean I I typically, Well, we slept trained our two 0:04:18.160 --> 0:04:20.040 year old when he was like three and a half 0:04:20.080 --> 0:04:24.359 months months, which is pretty early. But uh, by night three, 0:04:24.440 --> 0:04:28.520 we had him sleeping eleven to twelve hours a night 0:04:29.040 --> 0:04:30.960 and he's done that since three and a half months 0:04:30.960 --> 0:04:33.880 till two years old. So we knew, my wife and I, 0:04:33.960 --> 0:04:37.840 that was our sanity. We knew at seven o'clock he 0:04:37.920 --> 0:04:40.080 was going to go down. After we began the bedtime 0:04:40.160 --> 0:04:43.159 routine at like twenty of did the pajamas, did the books, 0:04:43.160 --> 0:04:45.840 to the teeth brushing, all that put him down At seven, 0:04:46.160 --> 0:04:50.279 we retreated to the living room porta cocktail, glass of wine, 0:04:50.320 --> 0:04:54.320 had our dinner, watched our show, like two hours of 0:04:54.400 --> 0:04:59.000 just us time catching up. That was very important for 0:04:59.279 --> 0:05:05.039 our sanity and for our marriage. Um, now we we 0:05:05.120 --> 0:05:08.000 go through that same bedtime routine, but one of us 0:05:08.040 --> 0:05:11.760 has to be holding a baby who's you know, not 0:05:11.920 --> 0:05:15.680 comfortable or hungry or tired or cranky or whatever, while 0:05:15.720 --> 0:05:17.960 our two year old wants both of us present to 0:05:18.000 --> 0:05:21.400 be doing the full bedtime routine he's now become accustomed 0:05:21.440 --> 0:05:24.800 to over the course of two years. And we put 0:05:24.839 --> 0:05:27.000 him to bed finally, and then we retreat to the 0:05:27.040 --> 0:05:30.720 living room where we now have an infant, a newborn 0:05:30.800 --> 0:05:33.839 who needs to be breastfed, where my wife is trying 0:05:33.880 --> 0:05:37.480 to juggle, like holding a plate of food while she's 0:05:37.520 --> 0:05:40.960 shoveling down that food, and like it's just a million 0:05:41.000 --> 0:05:42.880 things going on that we never have time to kind 0:05:42.880 --> 0:05:48.799 of like decompress. There's always someone needing us to help 0:05:49.920 --> 0:05:52.200 keep them alive or put them to bed or feed 0:05:52.240 --> 0:05:55.680 them or whatever. And it begins to wear on you 0:05:55.800 --> 0:05:58.240 over a period of time. And I would say, is 0:05:59.640 --> 0:06:02.960 like I approach this from a pragmatic standpoint, I think, 0:06:02.960 --> 0:06:04.880 which is like, how can we divide and conquer and 0:06:05.000 --> 0:06:09.000 both kind of not spread ourselves so thin. So because 0:06:09.040 --> 0:06:12.120 my wife is getting up every hour and a half, 0:06:12.720 --> 0:06:14.799 that that's the one thing with our newborn. He's great. 0:06:14.839 --> 0:06:18.159 He's a great baby, not colloquy. Whatever he is needing 0:06:18.200 --> 0:06:21.000 to be fed, they call it cluster feeding, but like 0:06:21.000 --> 0:06:24.359 he's he needed to be fed every ninety minutes for 0:06:24.560 --> 0:06:27.240 twenty four hours a day, every ninety minutes, and that 0:06:27.320 --> 0:06:31.680 feeding takes about thirty minutes to do, so if you 0:06:31.720 --> 0:06:34.799 do the math, sixty minutes in between correct. And so 0:06:35.760 --> 0:06:38.920 we began in the in the first few nights where 0:06:39.279 --> 0:06:41.159 he was in a what they call a dock and top, 0:06:41.200 --> 0:06:44.920 which is like a little padded bumper mini thing that 0:06:45.080 --> 0:06:47.159 was between the two of us in our king sized bed. 0:06:47.600 --> 0:06:50.000 He would lay in there. She would set her alarm 0:06:50.080 --> 0:06:53.080 or hear him waking up, feed him, and I was 0:06:53.120 --> 0:06:56.200 on the other side of him, waking up every time 0:06:56.760 --> 0:06:58.360 she woke up, because she had to turn the lights 0:06:58.400 --> 0:07:01.080 on low and like begin the eating, then do the burping, 0:07:01.520 --> 0:07:04.760 change him. That whole thing is like a whole process 0:07:04.800 --> 0:07:07.280 where I was waking up every time she did, and 0:07:07.320 --> 0:07:10.560 I said to her, this is not efficient and it's 0:07:10.600 --> 0:07:13.880 just not. It doesn't make sense. So I think I 0:07:13.880 --> 0:07:18.000 should sleep in another room so as to like have 0:07:18.160 --> 0:07:20.080 one of us getting sleep, and then I'll pick up 0:07:20.080 --> 0:07:23.880 a bottle feed for the first feed so you can sleep, 0:07:23.920 --> 0:07:26.760 and I'll do that in my room and vice versa. Right, 0:07:26.840 --> 0:07:29.040 did you guys do that on the first child? The 0:07:29.160 --> 0:07:33.640 first child, we did not. Uh. Well. I eventually sept 0:07:33.680 --> 0:07:36.560 in another room, yes, like after the first week or 0:07:36.600 --> 0:07:39.040 two because for the same reason, which is like there 0:07:39.080 --> 0:07:40.560 was no reason for both of us to be up, 0:07:40.600 --> 0:07:42.160 and she was like, you had to go to work, 0:07:42.200 --> 0:07:44.200 and you know, there's no sense of both of us 0:07:44.240 --> 0:07:47.640 being up, which I appreciated. Um. The other thing is 0:07:47.680 --> 0:07:52.680 like he's like, you'll find the babies they're constantly like 0:07:52.840 --> 0:07:55.040 choking a little bit during their sleep where they're struggling 0:07:55.040 --> 0:07:57.440 to breathe through their nose, and like I'm laying there, 0:07:57.880 --> 0:08:02.320 never fully asleep, like I did. You just stop breathing 0:08:02.360 --> 0:08:04.320 because it doesn't sound like he's breathing, and then finally 0:08:04.440 --> 0:08:07.080 like clears it. And while the pediatricians like they have 0:08:07.120 --> 0:08:09.840 the best gag reflects ever, like they'll never choke, they'll 0:08:09.840 --> 0:08:12.680 be fine. Your human instinct is you're laying there and 0:08:12.680 --> 0:08:15.560 you're like, can I fully fall asleep right now or 0:08:15.600 --> 0:08:18.600 do I need to make sure my son is not dying? 0:08:19.280 --> 0:08:22.640 So then you're never getting that rem sleep, which as 0:08:22.640 --> 0:08:26.120 we know, is very important. Uh So here's where we go. 0:08:26.200 --> 0:08:27.760 So I say, okay, I'm gonna sleep in the other room. 0:08:27.880 --> 0:08:31.520 We have a three bedroom house, our guest room. I 0:08:31.560 --> 0:08:35.680 had to take the guest bed down before our new 0:08:35.720 --> 0:08:38.839 son was born and make that our second nursery. The 0:08:39.559 --> 0:08:42.560 one bedroom is my first sons. Now the second guest 0:08:42.559 --> 0:08:45.319 bedroom has become the second nursery, so I don't have 0:08:45.480 --> 0:08:47.840 a guest bed in there anymore. So I had to 0:08:47.840 --> 0:08:50.600 make a trip to Costco to get an air mattress 0:08:50.600 --> 0:08:53.679 that I've been now sleeping on for five weeks. My 0:08:53.760 --> 0:08:57.120 back is killing me, but I'm trying to get sleep, 0:08:57.960 --> 0:09:01.440 and we gotta get rid of that air mattress. Where 0:09:01.440 --> 0:09:03.720 where did your mattress go? That was in the spare bedroom. 0:09:03.880 --> 0:09:06.640 The air mattress has a USB port, though it's an 0:09:06.720 --> 0:09:09.560 arrow book. I'm amazed by that I can charge my iPhone. 0:09:09.559 --> 0:09:14.200 And which is where did your spare mattress from your 0:09:14.200 --> 0:09:16.800 second bedroom go? I had I had to sell, No 0:09:16.920 --> 0:09:19.240 I built, I bought a shed and then had a 0:09:19.360 --> 0:09:21.920 hand our handyman guy come build it with his son, 0:09:21.960 --> 0:09:23.800 and I paid more in labor than I did for 0:09:23.880 --> 0:09:26.600 the freaking shed itself, which drives me insane. But that's 0:09:26.600 --> 0:09:29.440 in the backyard now. With the bed and the mattress 0:09:29.440 --> 0:09:32.240 and everything put away, you gotta go wherever. So this 0:09:32.320 --> 0:09:34.600 is my advice because I've slept here. When I bought 0:09:34.600 --> 0:09:37.360 my house in d C, I had no bed. The 0:09:37.360 --> 0:09:38.800 first thing I bought from my house was a set 0:09:38.800 --> 0:09:43.920 of drums, and I slept on a I slept on 0:09:44.000 --> 0:09:48.600 a uh inflatable like blow up mattress for like a 0:09:48.640 --> 0:09:50.679 week because I didn't have a bed yet, and then 0:09:50.679 --> 0:09:53.840 I was like, it was terrible. It was just awful. 0:09:54.080 --> 0:09:56.520 And then I finally bought a bed, and so, knowing 0:09:56.559 --> 0:09:58.920 how bad I felt at that time, you've been sleeping 0:09:58.920 --> 0:10:01.520 on one five weeks. I'm coming over today to hit that, like, 0:10:01.600 --> 0:10:03.680 stab that thing with a knife so that you can't 0:10:03.720 --> 0:10:05.840 sleep on it, and all haul your mattress from your 0:10:05.840 --> 0:10:08.360 shed back into your house. You have to have a 0:10:08.360 --> 0:10:11.560 good mattress. Yeah, we have. We bought a daybed, so 0:10:11.600 --> 0:10:13.160 we have a new crib in there. We have a 0:10:13.240 --> 0:10:15.599 day bed, but the day bed will become my firstborn's 0:10:15.800 --> 0:10:17.720 regular bed when he gets out of the crib. But 0:10:17.760 --> 0:10:20.680 the mattress is super super soft, which is not good 0:10:20.720 --> 0:10:24.920 for my back. Okay, answer this. Can we get your 0:10:25.000 --> 0:10:28.720 mattress from the shed into the house in place of 0:10:28.760 --> 0:10:33.559 where the bell. We'll solve the mattress problem. Keep going, 0:10:34.240 --> 0:10:37.160 I will solve that. So we have tons of sponsors. Casper, 0:10:37.480 --> 0:10:40.800 we got the mattress. Okay, Casper, are you listening, Casper, 0:10:40.840 --> 0:10:44.440 get this man a bed. So the other issues of 0:10:44.480 --> 0:10:47.640 my wife is like, look, she we had to come 0:10:47.679 --> 0:10:49.839 to Jesus moment the other week where she was like, Ryan, 0:10:50.240 --> 0:10:54.439 I gotta be honest, Like we we have no connection 0:10:54.640 --> 0:10:58.480 or physical touch with one another at all. We're kind 0:10:58.480 --> 0:11:01.280 of like two ships passing in the night. She acknowledges 0:11:01.320 --> 0:11:03.280 that we're both trying to keep these kids alive and 0:11:03.280 --> 0:11:05.440 we're doing the best we can, but we're kind of 0:11:05.480 --> 0:11:11.840 like coexisting in many ways, which is tough mentally. And then, uh, 0:11:12.000 --> 0:11:15.640 the the flip side is like she's like, look, I 0:11:15.679 --> 0:11:17.880 feel like you haven't been very present with the baby. 0:11:18.000 --> 0:11:19.960 Like I'm just being honest, I feel like you're not 0:11:20.120 --> 0:11:23.760 there with him, Like I'm he's constantly attached to me, 0:11:23.840 --> 0:11:26.800 and like it's you wanted to have this kid just 0:11:26.840 --> 0:11:28.480 as much much as I did, and you're not really 0:11:28.520 --> 0:11:31.560 like doing much with him, like which hurts, And I said, 0:11:32.400 --> 0:11:34.800 I get it. I actually acknowledge. You're absolutely right that 0:11:34.840 --> 0:11:37.320 I'm not doing as much with him. Uh, there's two 0:11:37.320 --> 0:11:39.720 reasons for doing so. The first of which is a 0:11:40.679 --> 0:11:43.280 my milk hasn't come in yet and I'm not lactating, 0:11:43.360 --> 0:11:49.679 so I have the she did h. I said, I 0:11:49.720 --> 0:11:52.160 don't have the ability to breastfeed, which you do, And 0:11:52.200 --> 0:11:54.920 so I am looking at what strengths I have and 0:11:54.960 --> 0:11:59.480 what are your weaknesses. You're breastfeeding every hour and I 0:11:59.520 --> 0:12:02.120 can take our our son or two year old out 0:12:02.480 --> 0:12:04.960 to the park and like run he wants to run around. 0:12:04.960 --> 0:12:07.559 The kid's got so much energy, Like she can't do that. 0:12:07.640 --> 0:12:11.319 So I'm with him all day, like on the weekends, 0:12:11.880 --> 0:12:15.079 dividing and conquering. So it's not that I don't love 0:12:15.160 --> 0:12:17.920 our baby. It's really like, I'm just trying to cater 0:12:18.040 --> 0:12:21.200 to my strengths, which are the ability to deal with 0:12:21.240 --> 0:12:23.520 a two year old who wants to run around and 0:12:23.600 --> 0:12:26.000 just like not sit still. Are you having issues bonding 0:12:26.040 --> 0:12:29.240 with the baby. A lot of men do I do. 0:12:29.400 --> 0:12:32.120 I feel honestly, like it happened last night, like when 0:12:32.160 --> 0:12:35.559 I I've now been more proactive and saying like let 0:12:35.600 --> 0:12:39.319 me hold him, especially because the two year old wants 0:12:39.440 --> 0:12:43.720 just mom to do so much that like that she 0:12:43.800 --> 0:12:45.840 used to do that she now can't. So when I 0:12:45.880 --> 0:12:48.960 hold the baby, he's never I don't know if it's 0:12:48.960 --> 0:12:53.839 a maternal instinct that I would obviously lack, but he's not. 0:12:54.080 --> 0:12:56.440 I can't get him comfortable, like she can like position 0:12:56.520 --> 0:12:58.680 him in a way that like he can just like 0:12:58.760 --> 0:13:02.760 fall asleep and be comfortable. Well, I don't have that ability. 0:13:02.840 --> 0:13:05.520 So I am like constantly on edge. And this weekend 0:13:06.000 --> 0:13:07.520 she said to me, she's like, it's important for me 0:13:07.559 --> 0:13:09.640 to be able to, like I'm in the house like 0:13:09.960 --> 0:13:11.719 twenty four hours a day sometimes like I need to 0:13:11.720 --> 0:13:13.280 be able to get out from my own sanity. So 0:13:13.320 --> 0:13:15.880 she went to yoga, and she did it when both 0:13:15.920 --> 0:13:17.679 of them were awake, not when our two year old 0:13:17.720 --> 0:13:22.760 was napping and I had one on two and it 0:13:22.880 --> 0:13:26.840 was severe anxiety, like the baby was constantly crying. The 0:13:26.880 --> 0:13:29.880 two year old wanted to do crayons and this and that, 0:13:30.040 --> 0:13:32.240 wanted to go outside, play with the water table, wanted 0:13:32.240 --> 0:13:35.400 to go to the park. I can't do all those things. 0:13:35.440 --> 0:13:37.920 And I'm like looking at the clock being like what 0:13:38.040 --> 0:13:40.280 time is yoga over? What time is she gonna be home? 0:13:40.360 --> 0:13:43.800 Like when can this end? Yeah? So here here's a question. 0:13:43.840 --> 0:13:46.440 Thank you for sharingybody, this is this is this is 0:13:46.600 --> 0:13:50.680 real stuff, like this is Brian's life going on. Um 0:13:50.840 --> 0:13:53.400 for this might sound silly, but I just don't know. 0:13:53.720 --> 0:13:56.520 What can you do with a five month or five 0:13:56.559 --> 0:13:58.800 week old as a men? Can you bottle feed it? 0:13:58.840 --> 0:14:02.040 Like you mentioned bottle Can you do that multiple times? 0:14:02.040 --> 0:14:03.920 Can they only do it once? I just don't know. 0:14:04.120 --> 0:14:07.880 Good question. So here's where we are. You can, Yes, 0:14:08.000 --> 0:14:12.320 you can bottle feed them. Now with this child, my 0:14:12.360 --> 0:14:15.679 wife is elected not to pump her breast milk. Why 0:14:15.800 --> 0:14:19.480 because that one hour turnaround that you just mentioned that 0:14:19.520 --> 0:14:22.480 then becomes like a half hour because if you're pumping 0:14:22.600 --> 0:14:26.360 as well, you're spending another half hour to pump for 0:14:26.400 --> 0:14:29.160 a bottle to store the milk, so you're getting even 0:14:29.200 --> 0:14:31.560 less sleep. So what she has elected that we do 0:14:32.240 --> 0:14:36.360 is to supplement one bottle a day my nighttime feed 0:14:36.400 --> 0:14:39.160 with formula. So I have formula that I do at 0:14:39.200 --> 0:14:42.880 like midnight, I go in and give him that that 0:14:43.000 --> 0:14:48.360 formula bottle. Now the issue is, uh, I have said 0:14:48.360 --> 0:14:50.400 to her, I'm like, look, I want to help out. 0:14:50.440 --> 0:14:52.720 I'm happy to do this and like sleep less and 0:14:52.760 --> 0:14:54.720 do the bottle feed so that you can get like 0:14:54.760 --> 0:14:58.200 a decent chunk of time that you can sleep. Because mentally, 0:14:58.240 --> 0:15:00.360 her thing is like she goes to bed and knows 0:15:00.480 --> 0:15:01.960 I have to now wake up in an hour and 0:15:02.000 --> 0:15:05.720 a half or then she's looking at the clock being like, 0:15:05.760 --> 0:15:07.160 I need to fall asleep now. I need to fall 0:15:07.200 --> 0:15:09.400 asleep now, which is like a vicious cycle because you 0:15:10.000 --> 0:15:12.720 then finally are about to fall asleep and you're like great, 0:15:12.720 --> 0:15:15.000 I'm gonna get thirty minutes, and then you're up again 0:15:15.040 --> 0:15:18.360 and you can't function. But the issue that I raised, 0:15:18.480 --> 0:15:20.840 and maybe I'm a bad person for doing so, is 0:15:20.880 --> 0:15:25.720 simply like I have to go to a like job 0:15:25.800 --> 0:15:28.520 at an office all day. And that's not to say 0:15:28.560 --> 0:15:30.360 you don't have a job being home and like how 0:15:30.520 --> 0:15:33.000 like keeping these kids alive and doing everything you're doing. 0:15:33.040 --> 0:15:36.200 I'm not here to belittle that, but I also have 0:15:36.320 --> 0:15:38.560 to go into an office and like lead a meeting 0:15:38.640 --> 0:15:42.720 and go have like fifteen people in a room where 0:15:42.720 --> 0:15:44.680 I'm trying to sell them on a vision or an 0:15:44.720 --> 0:15:50.240 idea and be charismatic and like convincing and articulate. And 0:15:51.080 --> 0:15:54.800 I can't do that if I am getting up every 0:15:54.960 --> 0:15:57.480 you know, and only having four hours of sleep, my 0:15:57.520 --> 0:15:59.640 body won't function that way. And and by the way, 0:16:00.000 --> 0:16:02.880 our livelihood depends on my ability to do exactly that. 0:16:03.040 --> 0:16:07.760 So like without if I'm inadequate in my job, I 0:16:07.800 --> 0:16:12.320 can't pay for anything. Like you have no family here, right, 0:16:12.440 --> 0:16:15.400 We have no family at all, no none in l 0:16:15.440 --> 0:16:19.800 A that can help. And Amy is my pseudo therapist 0:16:20.480 --> 0:16:22.680 health and you ignored it though you don't like help, 0:16:22.760 --> 0:16:24.960 I don't because then I'm gone. You don't owe me. 0:16:25.320 --> 0:16:28.360 But this is where that comes comes up. I offered, 0:16:28.400 --> 0:16:30.200 no you did. I realized that it checks you back. 0:16:30.600 --> 0:16:36.680 Amy's Amy's my pseudo shrink in that. Amy Her philosophy, though, 0:16:36.760 --> 0:16:39.360 is like just throw money at it. Throw money at it. 0:16:39.440 --> 0:16:42.640 And it's like the night nurse thing is like anyone 0:16:42.720 --> 0:16:45.000 listening around the country outside of l A or maybe 0:16:45.040 --> 0:16:46.880 New York right now is like a night nurse, like 0:16:47.760 --> 0:16:51.880 sack up, like plenty of people to I was like, 0:16:51.960 --> 0:16:54.480 let me bring dinner over so that it's one less 0:16:54.520 --> 0:16:57.560 thing to have to deal with. But you're very um 0:16:57.800 --> 0:17:03.680 hesitant to take help. I also reached out to and said, 0:17:03.680 --> 0:17:06.360 can I help in any way with anything? And our 0:17:06.400 --> 0:17:09.800 friend Joe Smith, he just had their third boy, and 0:17:09.880 --> 0:17:11.919 I asked him the same thing, can I help with anything? 0:17:11.960 --> 0:17:13.520 He's like, I don't know. I don't know, man, just 0:17:13.720 --> 0:17:16.720 that you shut me down. You said, no, you can't 0:17:16.720 --> 0:17:19.680 help with anything, because then I would owe you one. 0:17:20.040 --> 0:17:22.359 And Joe was like, I don't know anything helps. And 0:17:22.440 --> 0:17:25.240 so I sent Joe a couple hundred bucks on Postmates 0:17:25.280 --> 0:17:27.320 so that he could just he wouldn't have to make supper, 0:17:27.359 --> 0:17:28.919 his wife wouldn't have to make supper. You could just 0:17:29.119 --> 0:17:31.960 order something in a couple of times. Um, you need 0:17:32.000 --> 0:17:36.080 to let people help. Your good friends wouldn't even ask, 0:17:36.119 --> 0:17:39.679 They would just send Brooks, you said send flowers. That 0:17:39.760 --> 0:17:42.560 was actually your respond. If you want something, send me flowers. 0:17:42.920 --> 0:17:47.040 Have you asked anybody during this the birth of your 0:17:47.080 --> 0:17:49.720 second boy the last five weeks, have you asked anybody 0:17:49.760 --> 0:17:55.359 for some assistance? Um? No, Brooks will talk about this, 0:17:55.400 --> 0:17:59.600 but you seem pretty emotional, like let it out. What 0:17:59.680 --> 0:18:02.399 are you feeling about all this well, like the the 0:18:02.440 --> 0:18:04.480 other thing that my wife said to me. And again 0:18:04.560 --> 0:18:05.920 this is not a knock on her, like where having 0:18:05.920 --> 0:18:08.840 these come to Jesus moments? But she was like, her 0:18:08.880 --> 0:18:13.480 biggest thing is She's like, look, from three am till 0:18:13.560 --> 0:18:17.080 six am every day, She's like, I do the feed 0:18:17.119 --> 0:18:19.040 and he won't go back to sleep. Like she's like, 0:18:19.200 --> 0:18:21.879 I'm holding him eat, like I try to hold a 0:18:21.880 --> 0:18:23.600 passifire in his mouth. He won't go back to sleep. 0:18:23.640 --> 0:18:26.800 And she's like, so I am up now, like from 0:18:26.840 --> 0:18:29.680 three am for the rest of the day. And she said, 0:18:29.720 --> 0:18:31.800 the only way I can get him to fall asleep. 0:18:31.840 --> 0:18:33.760 And we bought this thing called the snow, which is 0:18:33.800 --> 0:18:37.600 like high tech like rocks them in the crib and 0:18:37.640 --> 0:18:41.280 has like motion sensors and stuff. That thing doesn't work. 0:18:41.400 --> 0:18:43.000 I hope they're not a sponsor, because if they are, 0:18:43.040 --> 0:18:47.320 they're they're done. But it's a complete joke. Uh So, 0:18:47.920 --> 0:18:49.879 I mean that thing has like microphones in it that 0:18:49.920 --> 0:18:52.359 does swishing noises and like if it hears it crying, 0:18:52.400 --> 0:18:55.080 it picks up the speed with which it rocks him. 0:18:55.119 --> 0:18:57.800 And the it's a joke. Better just putting the kid 0:18:57.800 --> 0:18:59.560 on top of the dryer in the I have no 0:18:59.640 --> 0:19:03.879 idea what he's talking about. Don't do that, don't But 0:19:03.960 --> 0:19:05.840 so she's like, look, the only way I've been able 0:19:05.880 --> 0:19:07.400 to get him to sleep is like if I put 0:19:07.440 --> 0:19:10.520 him on my chest and he's been falling asleep on 0:19:10.520 --> 0:19:13.159 my chest, and like I've been falling asleep too, but 0:19:14.000 --> 0:19:15.960 it's dangerous. And I'm like, well, are you in the 0:19:15.960 --> 0:19:17.480 middle of the bed. She's like, I mean, as much 0:19:17.480 --> 0:19:19.919 as I can be, I guess. But like I'm like, 0:19:19.920 --> 0:19:22.399 well he could what if you crushed him or he 0:19:22.440 --> 0:19:24.840 fell off And she's like, yeah, so like it would 0:19:24.840 --> 0:19:27.080 be great if you helped me out for part of that, 0:19:27.200 --> 0:19:30.560 if you can, and and I'm like, well, I don't 0:19:30.560 --> 0:19:32.480 know if I can do that, because then I will 0:19:32.520 --> 0:19:34.000 not be sleeping at all. And she said, well, as 0:19:34.000 --> 0:19:37.199 long as you're okay with you know, the potential of 0:19:37.320 --> 0:19:39.280 him falling, I guess I'll continue to just have him 0:19:39.280 --> 0:19:40.760 on my chest. And I'm like, so, are you trying 0:19:40.760 --> 0:19:42.879 to like cover your basis here? Like I have to 0:19:42.920 --> 0:19:44.920 sign off now that if he falls off the bed 0:19:44.960 --> 0:19:48.719 and like onto the floor, that there's like I've signed 0:19:48.760 --> 0:19:51.840 off or like because and and that if that happens. 0:19:51.840 --> 0:19:54.720 It's because I've elected to choose sleep over the well 0:19:54.760 --> 0:19:56.560 being of my son. What if you just put like 0:19:56.600 --> 0:20:00.560 blow up mattresses all around the band it's a for you. 0:20:01.000 --> 0:20:04.919 Um with your first boy, did he also sleep in 0:20:04.920 --> 0:20:07.480 the bed with you for five weeks or however long 0:20:07.520 --> 0:20:11.200 after he was born? And is that? If so? Is 0:20:11.240 --> 0:20:13.840 it not? What is customary for a new parent? Does 0:20:13.880 --> 0:20:16.800 the baby sleep in the bed with the parents or 0:20:16.800 --> 0:20:19.919 does it sleep in it's a different room, not different room, 0:20:20.000 --> 0:20:24.080 not different like newborn's. Really the first few months, you're 0:20:24.119 --> 0:20:27.879 definitely in the room A and B. We're not that, 0:20:28.119 --> 0:20:30.520 we're not parents. Do you want to call him that? That? 0:20:30.760 --> 0:20:33.560 Like had our kids sleeping with us for very long. 0:20:33.600 --> 0:20:36.119 It was like for the first three months in a 0:20:36.160 --> 0:20:38.800 little padded thing where they just lay on their back 0:20:38.800 --> 0:20:42.600 and they're swaddled. And that's just for ease of being 0:20:42.640 --> 0:20:44.199 able to Like you're up so much that you just 0:20:44.280 --> 0:20:46.480 lean over and you get them. We have a bassonet 0:20:46.600 --> 0:20:50.120 next to the bed as well. That's just not as convenience. 0:20:50.200 --> 0:20:52.960 There's no they usually stay in the bassonet in the 0:20:53.040 --> 0:20:55.919 room for the first few months. The bassinet is just 0:20:56.000 --> 0:20:58.800 like a crib, like it's just like a little thing. Yeah, 0:20:58.800 --> 0:21:02.680