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Speaker 1: This is How Men Think with Brooks Flight and Gavin

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Speaker 1: to Grab and I heard radio podcast. Welcome to another

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Speaker 1: episode of How Men Think. My name is Brooks Like

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Speaker 1: and I will be co hosting today and it's a

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Speaker 1: super exciting day, a monumental day because we have one

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Speaker 1: man stepping up. He's been promoted from the minor leagues

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Speaker 1: to the major leagues to co host alongside me. Ryan

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Speaker 1: that that sounded good, Heylus to you, buddy, This is

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Speaker 1: It was only a matter of time before I was promoted.

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Speaker 1: You know, Gavin is not pulling his weight, he's not

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Speaker 1: quite cutting it. Luckily, he's not here to defend himself,

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Speaker 1: so I'm here to step up and you know, be

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Speaker 1: the face of this podcast. Um. This is a performance

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Speaker 1: driven podcast and management has done a thorough review of

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Speaker 1: your performance lately and you've come out flying. So we've promoted.

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Speaker 1: You've got gonna see if we're gonna test you on

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Speaker 1: the first line here, see if you can handle the

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Speaker 1: big minutes, and then we'll review you after this show.

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Speaker 1: I look forward to that, but I'm super I'm excited

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Speaker 1: to have anybody it's just you and I and we

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Speaker 1: also have Amy in studio with us and in Easton's

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Speaker 1: here as well, So super intimate group today. You'll quickly

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Speaker 1: find out why it's just the two of you, and

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Speaker 1: then that's it and we're going to get into a

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Speaker 1: serious conversation today. A few episodes back, we did a

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Speaker 1: topic around me asking questions of fatherhood, and you weren't

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Speaker 1: at that one because you're about to have your second

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Speaker 1: baby and I want to know what fatherhood is like.

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Speaker 1: And now you've had your second baby, and now we're

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Speaker 1: going to do a deep dive into what that is

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Speaker 1: truly like. So can you give us a little backstory here?

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Speaker 1: How long ago was your second baby born? And and

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Speaker 1: the what do you have? Boys? Girls? Just give our

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Speaker 1: listeners a back a little context here. So our first

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Speaker 1: son turned to about five weeks ago, and on that

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Speaker 1: same week, our second son was born, so they're almost

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Speaker 1: exactly two years apart. Our youngest is now five weeks old. UM,

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Speaker 1: and it's exhausting, truly exhausting. Like are you just saying

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Speaker 1: like as parents say, like it's exhausting or is like

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Speaker 1: can you unpack for somebody like me and Amy that

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Speaker 1: do not have kids by exhausting? Like what do you

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Speaker 1: mean specifically? I have so many emotions going through my head.

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Speaker 1: I am look. On the one hand, I'm like you,

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Speaker 1: this is everything you've ever wanted, right, especially when you

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Speaker 1: go through I v F. It's like you made the

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Speaker 1: conscious decision to have another kid. We now have a second,

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Speaker 1: perfectly healthy, happy son, and that is everything my wife

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Speaker 1: and I have always wanted. Now, what I have come

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Speaker 1: to find out in the last five weeks is that

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Speaker 1: it is man on man, and it's dividing and conquering.

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Speaker 1: And I'm trying to work a full time job, trying

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Speaker 1: to maintain a marriage, trying to keep my two year

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Speaker 1: old happy and running around and keep a five week

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Speaker 1: old from getting sick from the two year old, and

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Speaker 1: a million things that. It's like, sleep is very minimal, Uh,

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Speaker 1: there is no social life. It's a lot like I'm

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Speaker 1: I'm at my wits end quite frankly, like I'm on

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Speaker 1: the verge of a nervous breakdown. I mean that seriously. Wow,

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Speaker 1: thank you, buddy, I appreciate you sharing. First off, I

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Speaker 1: want to acknowledge you and your wife just for being

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Speaker 1: parents to me. That's that's something I yearned for in

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Speaker 1: my life. I can't wait. It's a it's something greater

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Speaker 1: than any professional success or anything I could ever have.

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Speaker 1: I really want to be the goals in my life

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Speaker 1: that I had the biggest things in my life for

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Speaker 1: to be a loving husband and a father one day.

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Speaker 1: So I want to acknowledge you for being parents. I

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Speaker 1: look up to parents. UM, have the utmost respect for parents.

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Speaker 1: So UM, that's why I want to ask you all

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Speaker 1: this stuff. So I want to learn. I want to

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Speaker 1: try and prepare myself. Um. But when you say sleep

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Speaker 1: is like almost non existent, can you unpack that for us?

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Speaker 1: Like so much? Would you sleep at night typically? I

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Speaker 1: mean I I typically, Well, we slept trained our two

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Speaker 1: year old when he was like three and a half

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Speaker 1: months months, which is pretty early. But uh, by night three,

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Speaker 1: we had him sleeping eleven to twelve hours a night

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Speaker 1: and he's done that since three and a half months

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Speaker 1: till two years old. So we knew, my wife and I,

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Speaker 1: that was our sanity. We knew at seven o'clock he

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Speaker 1: was going to go down. After we began the bedtime

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Speaker 1: routine at like twenty of did the pajamas, did the books,

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Speaker 1: to the teeth brushing, all that put him down At seven,

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Speaker 1: we retreated to the living room porta cocktail, glass of wine,

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Speaker 1: had our dinner, watched our show, like two hours of

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Speaker 1: just us time catching up. That was very important for

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Speaker 1: our sanity and for our marriage. Um, now we we

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Speaker 1: go through that same bedtime routine, but one of us

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Speaker 1: has to be holding a baby who's you know, not

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Speaker 1: comfortable or hungry or tired or cranky or whatever, while

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Speaker 1: our two year old wants both of us present to

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Speaker 1: be doing the full bedtime routine he's now become accustomed

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Speaker 1: to over the course of two years. And we put

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Speaker 1: him to bed finally, and then we retreat to the

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Speaker 1: living room where we now have an infant, a newborn

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Speaker 1: who needs to be breastfed, where my wife is trying

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Speaker 1: to juggle, like holding a plate of food while she's

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Speaker 1: shoveling down that food, and like it's just a million

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Speaker 1: things going on that we never have time to kind

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Speaker 1: of like decompress. There's always someone needing us to help

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Speaker 1: keep them alive or put them to bed or feed

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Speaker 1: them or whatever. And it begins to wear on you

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Speaker 1: over a period of time. And I would say, is

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Speaker 1: like I approach this from a pragmatic standpoint, I think,

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Speaker 1: which is like, how can we divide and conquer and

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Speaker 1: both kind of not spread ourselves so thin. So because

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Speaker 1: my wife is getting up every hour and a half,

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Speaker 1: that that's the one thing with our newborn. He's great.

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Speaker 1: He's a great baby, not colloquy. Whatever he is needing

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Speaker 1: to be fed, they call it cluster feeding, but like

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Speaker 1: he's he needed to be fed every ninety minutes for

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Speaker 1: twenty four hours a day, every ninety minutes, and that

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Speaker 1: feeding takes about thirty minutes to do, so if you

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Speaker 1: do the math, sixty minutes in between correct. And so

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Speaker 1: we began in the in the first few nights where

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Speaker 1: he was in a what they call a dock and top,

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Speaker 1: which is like a little padded bumper mini thing that

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Speaker 1: was between the two of us in our king sized bed.

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Speaker 1: He would lay in there. She would set her alarm

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Speaker 1: or hear him waking up, feed him, and I was

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Speaker 1: on the other side of him, waking up every time

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Speaker 1: she woke up, because she had to turn the lights

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Speaker 1: on low and like begin the eating, then do the burping,

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Speaker 1: change him. That whole thing is like a whole process

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Speaker 1: where I was waking up every time she did, and

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Speaker 1: I said to her, this is not efficient and it's

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Speaker 1: just not. It doesn't make sense. So I think I

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Speaker 1: should sleep in another room so as to like have

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Speaker 1: one of us getting sleep, and then I'll pick up

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Speaker 1: a bottle feed for the first feed so you can sleep,

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Speaker 1: and I'll do that in my room and vice versa. Right,

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Speaker 1: did you guys do that on the first child? The

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Speaker 1: first child, we did not. Uh. Well. I eventually sept

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Speaker 1: in another room, yes, like after the first week or

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Speaker 1: two because for the same reason, which is like there

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Speaker 1: was no reason for both of us to be up,

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Speaker 1: and she was like, you had to go to work,

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Speaker 1: and you know, there's no sense of both of us

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Speaker 1: being up, which I appreciated. Um. The other thing is

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Speaker 1: like he's like, you'll find the babies they're constantly like

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Speaker 1: choking a little bit during their sleep where they're struggling

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Speaker 1: to breathe through their nose, and like I'm laying there,

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Speaker 1: never fully asleep, like I did. You just stop breathing

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Speaker 1: because it doesn't sound like he's breathing, and then finally

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Speaker 1: like clears it. And while the pediatricians like they have

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Speaker 1: the best gag reflects ever, like they'll never choke, they'll

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Speaker 1: be fine. Your human instinct is you're laying there and

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Speaker 1: you're like, can I fully fall asleep right now or

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Speaker 1: do I need to make sure my son is not dying?

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Speaker 1: So then you're never getting that rem sleep, which as

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Speaker 1: we know, is very important. Uh So here's where we go.

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Speaker 1: So I say, okay, I'm gonna sleep in the other room.

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Speaker 1: We have a three bedroom house, our guest room. I

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Speaker 1: had to take the guest bed down before our new

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Speaker 1: son was born and make that our second nursery. The

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Speaker 1: one bedroom is my first sons. Now the second guest

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Speaker 1: bedroom has become the second nursery, so I don't have

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Speaker 1: a guest bed in there anymore. So I had to

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Speaker 1: make a trip to Costco to get an air mattress

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Speaker 1: that I've been now sleeping on for five weeks. My

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Speaker 1: back is killing me, but I'm trying to get sleep,

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Speaker 1: and we gotta get rid of that air mattress. Where

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Speaker 1: where did your mattress go? That was in the spare bedroom.

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Speaker 1: The air mattress has a USB port, though it's an

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Speaker 1: arrow book. I'm amazed by that I can charge my iPhone.

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Speaker 1: And which is where did your spare mattress from your

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Speaker 1: second bedroom go? I had I had to sell, No

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Speaker 1: I built, I bought a shed and then had a

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Speaker 1: hand our handyman guy come build it with his son,

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Speaker 1: and I paid more in labor than I did for

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Speaker 1: the freaking shed itself, which drives me insane. But that's

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Speaker 1: in the backyard now. With the bed and the mattress

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Speaker 1: and everything put away, you gotta go wherever. So this

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Speaker 1: is my advice because I've slept here. When I bought

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Speaker 1: my house in d C, I had no bed. The

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Speaker 1: first thing I bought from my house was a set

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Speaker 1: of drums, and I slept on a I slept on

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Speaker 1: a uh inflatable like blow up mattress for like a

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Speaker 1: week because I didn't have a bed yet, and then

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Speaker 1: I was like, it was terrible. It was just awful.

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Speaker 1: And then I finally bought a bed, and so, knowing

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Speaker 1: how bad I felt at that time, you've been sleeping

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Speaker 1: on one five weeks. I'm coming over today to hit that, like,

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Speaker 1: stab that thing with a knife so that you can't

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Speaker 1: sleep on it, and all haul your mattress from your

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Speaker 1: shed back into your house. You have to have a

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Speaker 1: good mattress. Yeah, we have. We bought a daybed, so

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Speaker 1: we have a new crib in there. We have a

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Speaker 1: day bed, but the day bed will become my firstborn's

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Speaker 1: regular bed when he gets out of the crib. But

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Speaker 1: the mattress is super super soft, which is not good

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Speaker 1: for my back. Okay, answer this. Can we get your

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Speaker 1: mattress from the shed into the house in place of

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Speaker 1: where the bell. We'll solve the mattress problem. Keep going,

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Speaker 1: I will solve that. So we have tons of sponsors. Casper,

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Speaker 1: we got the mattress. Okay, Casper, are you listening, Casper,

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Speaker 1: get this man a bed. So the other issues of

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Speaker 1: my wife is like, look, she we had to come

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Speaker 1: to Jesus moment the other week where she was like, Ryan,

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Speaker 1: I gotta be honest, Like we we have no connection

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Speaker 1: or physical touch with one another at all. We're kind

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Speaker 1: of like two ships passing in the night. She acknowledges

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Speaker 1: that we're both trying to keep these kids alive and

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Speaker 1: we're doing the best we can, but we're kind of

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Speaker 1: like coexisting in many ways, which is tough mentally. And then, uh,

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Speaker 1: the the flip side is like she's like, look, I

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Speaker 1: feel like you haven't been very present with the baby.

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Speaker 1: Like I'm just being honest, I feel like you're not

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Speaker 1: there with him, Like I'm he's constantly attached to me,

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Speaker 1: and like it's you wanted to have this kid just

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Speaker 1: as much much as I did, and you're not really

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Speaker 1: like doing much with him, like which hurts, And I said,

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Speaker 1: I get it. I actually acknowledge. You're absolutely right that

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Speaker 1: I'm not doing as much with him. Uh, there's two

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Speaker 1: reasons for doing so. The first of which is a

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Speaker 1: my milk hasn't come in yet and I'm not lactating,

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Speaker 1: so I have the she did h. I said, I

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Speaker 1: don't have the ability to breastfeed, which you do, And

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Speaker 1: so I am looking at what strengths I have and

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Speaker 1: what are your weaknesses. You're breastfeeding every hour and I

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Speaker 1: can take our our son or two year old out

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Speaker 1: to the park and like run he wants to run around.

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Speaker 1: The kid's got so much energy, Like she can't do that.

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Speaker 1: So I'm with him all day, like on the weekends,

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Speaker 1: dividing and conquering. So it's not that I don't love

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Speaker 1: our baby. It's really like, I'm just trying to cater

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Speaker 1: to my strengths, which are the ability to deal with

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Speaker 1: a two year old who wants to run around and

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Speaker 1: just like not sit still. Are you having issues bonding

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Speaker 1: with the baby. A lot of men do I do.

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Speaker 1: I feel honestly, like it happened last night, like when

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Speaker 1: I I've now been more proactive and saying like let

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Speaker 1: me hold him, especially because the two year old wants

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Speaker 1: just mom to do so much that like that she

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Speaker 1: used to do that she now can't. So when I

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Speaker 1: hold the baby, he's never I don't know if it's

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Speaker 1: a maternal instinct that I would obviously lack, but he's not.

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Speaker 1: I can't get him comfortable, like she can like position

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Speaker 1: him in a way that like he can just like

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Speaker 1: fall asleep and be comfortable. Well, I don't have that ability.

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Speaker 1: So I am like constantly on edge. And this weekend

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Speaker 1: she said to me, she's like, it's important for me

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Speaker 1: to be able to, like I'm in the house like

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Speaker 1: twenty four hours a day sometimes like I need to

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Speaker 1: be able to get out from my own sanity. So

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Speaker 1: she went to yoga, and she did it when both

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Speaker 1: of them were awake, not when our two year old

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Speaker 1: was napping and I had one on two and it

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Speaker 1: was severe anxiety, like the baby was constantly crying. The

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Speaker 1: two year old wanted to do crayons and this and that,

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Speaker 1: wanted to go outside, play with the water table, wanted

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Speaker 1: to go to the park. I can't do all those things.

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Speaker 1: And I'm like looking at the clock being like what

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Speaker 1: time is yoga over? What time is she gonna be home?

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Speaker 1: Like when can this end? Yeah? So here here's a question.

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Speaker 1: Thank you for sharingybody, this is this is this is

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Speaker 1: real stuff, like this is Brian's life going on. Um

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Speaker 1: for this might sound silly, but I just don't know.

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Speaker 1: What can you do with a five month or five

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Speaker 1: week old as a men? Can you bottle feed it?

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Speaker 1: Like you mentioned bottle Can you do that multiple times?

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Speaker 1: Can they only do it once? I just don't know.

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Speaker 1: Good question. So here's where we are. You can, Yes,

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Speaker 1: you can bottle feed them. Now with this child, my

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Speaker 1: wife is elected not to pump her breast milk. Why

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Speaker 1: because that one hour turnaround that you just mentioned that

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Speaker 1: then becomes like a half hour because if you're pumping

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Speaker 1: as well, you're spending another half hour to pump for

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Speaker 1: a bottle to store the milk, so you're getting even

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Speaker 1: less sleep. So what she has elected that we do

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Speaker 1: is to supplement one bottle a day my nighttime feed

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Speaker 1: with formula. So I have formula that I do at

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Speaker 1: like midnight, I go in and give him that that

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Speaker 1: formula bottle. Now the issue is, uh, I have said

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Speaker 1: to her, I'm like, look, I want to help out.

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Speaker 1: I'm happy to do this and like sleep less and

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Speaker 1: do the bottle feed so that you can get like

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Speaker 1: a decent chunk of time that you can sleep. Because mentally,

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Speaker 1: her thing is like she goes to bed and knows

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Speaker 1: I have to now wake up in an hour and

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Speaker 1: a half or then she's looking at the clock being like,

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Speaker 1: I need to fall asleep now. I need to fall

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Speaker 1: asleep now, which is like a vicious cycle because you

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Speaker 1: then finally are about to fall asleep and you're like great,

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Speaker 1: I'm gonna get thirty minutes, and then you're up again

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Speaker 1: and you can't function. But the issue that I raised,

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Speaker 1: and maybe I'm a bad person for doing so, is

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Speaker 1: simply like I have to go to a like job

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Speaker 1: at an office all day. And that's not to say

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Speaker 1: you don't have a job being home and like how

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Speaker 1: like keeping these kids alive and doing everything you're doing.

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Speaker 1: I'm not here to belittle that, but I also have

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Speaker 1: to go into an office and like lead a meeting

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Speaker 1: and go have like fifteen people in a room where

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Speaker 1: I'm trying to sell them on a vision or an

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Speaker 1: idea and be charismatic and like convincing and articulate. And

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Speaker 1: I can't do that if I am getting up every

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Speaker 1: you know, and only having four hours of sleep, my

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Speaker 1: body won't function that way. And and by the way,

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Speaker 1: our livelihood depends on my ability to do exactly that.

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Speaker 1: So like without if I'm inadequate in my job, I

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Speaker 1: can't pay for anything. Like you have no family here, right,

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Speaker 1: We have no family at all, no none in l

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Speaker 1: A that can help. And Amy is my pseudo therapist

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Speaker 1: health and you ignored it though you don't like help,

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Speaker 1: I don't because then I'm gone. You don't owe me.

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Speaker 1: But this is where that comes comes up. I offered,

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Speaker 1: no you did. I realized that it checks you back.

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Speaker 1: Amy's Amy's my pseudo shrink in that. Amy Her philosophy, though,

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Speaker 1: is like just throw money at it. Throw money at it.

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Speaker 1: And it's like the night nurse thing is like anyone

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Speaker 1: listening around the country outside of l A or maybe

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Speaker 1: New York right now is like a night nurse, like

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Speaker 1: sack up, like plenty of people to I was like,

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Speaker 1: let me bring dinner over so that it's one less

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Speaker 1: thing to have to deal with. But you're very um

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Speaker 1: hesitant to take help. I also reached out to and said,

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Speaker 1: can I help in any way with anything? And our

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Speaker 1: friend Joe Smith, he just had their third boy, and

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Speaker 1: I asked him the same thing, can I help with anything?

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Speaker 1: He's like, I don't know. I don't know, man, just

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Speaker 1: that you shut me down. You said, no, you can't

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Speaker 1: help with anything, because then I would owe you one.

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Speaker 1: And Joe was like, I don't know anything helps. And

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Speaker 1: so I sent Joe a couple hundred bucks on Postmates

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Speaker 1: so that he could just he wouldn't have to make supper,

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Speaker 1: his wife wouldn't have to make supper. You could just

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Speaker 1: order something in a couple of times. Um, you need

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Speaker 1: to let people help. Your good friends wouldn't even ask,

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Speaker 1: They would just send Brooks, you said send flowers. That

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Speaker 1: was actually your respond. If you want something, send me flowers.

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Speaker 1: Have you asked anybody during this the birth of your

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Speaker 1: second boy the last five weeks, have you asked anybody

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Speaker 1: for some assistance? Um? No, Brooks will talk about this,

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Speaker 1: but you seem pretty emotional, like let it out. What

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Speaker 1: are you feeling about all this well, like the the

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Speaker 1: other thing that my wife said to me. And again

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Speaker 1: this is not a knock on her, like where having

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Speaker 1: these come to Jesus moments? But she was like, her

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Speaker 1: biggest thing is She's like, look, from three am till

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Speaker 1: six am every day, She's like, I do the feed

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Speaker 1: and he won't go back to sleep. Like she's like,

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Speaker 1: I'm holding him eat, like I try to hold a

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Speaker 1: passifire in his mouth. He won't go back to sleep.

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Speaker 1: And she's like, so I am up now, like from

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Speaker 1: three am for the rest of the day. And she said,

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Speaker 1: the only way I can get him to fall asleep.

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Speaker 1: And we bought this thing called the snow, which is

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Speaker 1: like high tech like rocks them in the crib and

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Speaker 1: has like motion sensors and stuff. That thing doesn't work.

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Speaker 1: I hope they're not a sponsor, because if they are,

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Speaker 1: they're they're done. But it's a complete joke. Uh So,

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Speaker 1: I mean that thing has like microphones in it that

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Speaker 1: does swishing noises and like if it hears it crying,

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Speaker 1: it picks up the speed with which it rocks him.

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Speaker 1: And the it's a joke. Better just putting the kid

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Speaker 1: on top of the dryer in the I have no

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Speaker 1: idea what he's talking about. Don't do that, don't But

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Speaker 1: so she's like, look, the only way I've been able

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Speaker 1: to get him to sleep is like if I put

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Speaker 1: him on my chest and he's been falling asleep on

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Speaker 1: my chest, and like I've been falling asleep too, but

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Speaker 1: it's dangerous. And I'm like, well, are you in the

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Speaker 1: middle of the bed. She's like, I mean, as much

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Speaker 1: as I can be, I guess. But like I'm like,

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Speaker 1: well he could what if you crushed him or he

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Speaker 1: fell off And she's like, yeah, so like it would

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Speaker 1: be great if you helped me out for part of that,

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Speaker 1: if you can, and and I'm like, well, I don't

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Speaker 1: know if I can do that, because then I will

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Speaker 1: not be sleeping at all. And she said, well, as

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Speaker 1: long as you're okay with you know, the potential of

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Speaker 1: him falling, I guess I'll continue to just have him

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Speaker 1: on my chest. And I'm like, so, are you trying

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Speaker 1: to like cover your basis here? Like I have to

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Speaker 1: sign off now that if he falls off the bed

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Speaker 1: and like onto the floor, that there's like I've signed

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Speaker 1: off or like because and and that if that happens.

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Speaker 1: It's because I've elected to choose sleep over the well

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Speaker 1: being of my son. What if you just put like

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Speaker 1: blow up mattresses all around the band it's a for you.

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Speaker 1: Um with your first boy, did he also sleep in

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Speaker 1: the bed with you for five weeks or however long

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Speaker 1: after he was born? And is that? If so? Is

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Speaker 1: it not? What is customary for a new parent? Does

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Speaker 1: the baby sleep in the bed with the parents or

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Speaker 1: does it sleep in it's a different room, not different room,

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Speaker 1: not different like newborn's. Really the first few months, you're

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Speaker 1: definitely in the room A and B. We're not that,

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00:20:28,119 --> 00:20:30,520
Speaker 1: we're not parents. Do you want to call him that? That?

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Speaker 1: Like had our kids sleeping with us for very long.

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Speaker 1: It was like for the first three months in a

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Speaker 1: little padded thing where they just lay on their back

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Speaker 1: and they're swaddled. And that's just for ease of being

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Speaker 1: able to Like you're up so much that you just

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Speaker 1: lean over and you get them. We have a bassonet

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Speaker 1: next to the bed as well. That's just not as convenience.

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Speaker 1: There's no they usually stay in the bassonet in the

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Speaker 1: room for the first few months. The bassinet is just

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Speaker 1: like a crib, like it's just like a little thing. Yeah,

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00:20:58,800 --> 00:21:02,680
Speaker 1: it's like a little oval thing that's elevated that could

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Speaker 1: you afford to help? I to me, it just sounds

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Speaker 1: like you need help. I understand that, Like, but help

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Speaker 1: meaning having a night nurse that you're paying thirty bucks

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Speaker 1: an hour to know? What about someone during the day.

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Speaker 1: We have a nanny. That's the other thing. Like, we

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Speaker 1: have a nanny from eight thirty in the morning till

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Speaker 1: to thirty in the afternoon that has been dealing that

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Speaker 1: I've have signed off on and been all about from

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Speaker 1: the very beginning, from the time just before my wife

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Speaker 1: gave birth to our second We have a nanny that's

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Speaker 1: there with my my two year old son, who takes

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Speaker 1: him out of the house at eight thirty, feeds him,

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Speaker 1: puts him down at twelve thirty, and he wakes up

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Speaker 1: from his nap at like two thirty. And then my

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Speaker 1: wife has two kids from two thirty till I get home.

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Speaker 1: So here's a question to you, what would be the

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Speaker 1: biggest thing that would help you? Guys right now, the

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Speaker 1: biggest thing would without a doubt be a large monetary

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Speaker 1: contribution from you other than the second with Casper. Are

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Speaker 1: you listening uh new, you're how's my sex life? As

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Speaker 1: I said, it's like we are coexisting, like it's it's tough,

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Speaker 1: and like are you being affectionate or intimate or anything? Uh.

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Speaker 1: We after we had to talk about like even just

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Speaker 1: like hugging each other, which again it sounds so simple,

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Speaker 1: but and I was dreading this whole conversation because Brooks

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Speaker 1: is gonna sit here being like you need to suck

428
00:22:29,240 --> 00:22:31,720
Speaker 1: her toes and make her feel loved. But point being,

429
00:22:31,880 --> 00:22:35,720
Speaker 1: it's like it's it's easy to just say that in

430
00:22:35,840 --> 00:22:39,240
Speaker 1: theory now, like as a Monday morning quarterback, like oh,

431
00:22:39,320 --> 00:22:41,640
Speaker 1: you know, you need to car make time for yourselves

432
00:22:41,640 --> 00:22:43,320
Speaker 1: and like tell her that you love or even if

433
00:22:43,320 --> 00:22:45,320
Speaker 1: it's just one minute, which I can hear Brooks about

434
00:22:45,359 --> 00:22:47,679
Speaker 1: to say, it's making me nauseous. No, not at all,

435
00:22:47,720 --> 00:22:50,520
Speaker 1: but thank you. But it's just tough, like because you're

436
00:22:50,600 --> 00:22:53,600
Speaker 1: you're just trying to juggle everything and yeah, I'm not.

437
00:22:53,960 --> 00:22:55,960
Speaker 1: And we need to be better about that. We acknowledge that.

438
00:22:56,000 --> 00:23:00,399
Speaker 1: And we in two weeks are gonna uh take the baby,

439
00:23:00,440 --> 00:23:03,199
Speaker 1: just the two of us away for two nights and

440
00:23:03,280 --> 00:23:05,359
Speaker 1: her my my father in law is gonna fly in

441
00:23:05,400 --> 00:23:07,920
Speaker 1: from Denver and watch our two year old for two nights,

442
00:23:08,200 --> 00:23:11,400
Speaker 1: which is like, from a mental standpoint, something to look

443
00:23:11,440 --> 00:23:16,720
Speaker 1: forward to is huge. That's awesome. Um. And by the way,

444
00:23:16,720 --> 00:23:21,520
Speaker 1: no I have I have absolutely zero judgment or anything

445
00:23:21,680 --> 00:23:24,159
Speaker 1: on that part of like on the relationship part of this,

446
00:23:24,240 --> 00:23:26,120
Speaker 1: because even in my wife and I we we don't

447
00:23:26,160 --> 00:23:30,280
Speaker 1: have kids, um, but even careers can pull us apart.

448
00:23:30,800 --> 00:23:34,159
Speaker 1: And I can't imagine having a two year old and

449
00:23:34,240 --> 00:23:37,200
Speaker 1: a five week old sleeping. You guys know how much

450
00:23:37,240 --> 00:23:39,639
Speaker 1: I love sleep, Like sleep to me is everything, and

451
00:23:39,640 --> 00:23:42,520
Speaker 1: all of a sudden that's like destroyed for both of

452
00:23:42,560 --> 00:23:46,200
Speaker 1: you guys, and then trying to connect on top of that,

453
00:23:46,320 --> 00:23:50,399
Speaker 1: I can't imagine how difficult that was would be. And

454
00:23:50,440 --> 00:23:53,359
Speaker 1: that doesn't mean that you guys don't love each other immensely,

455
00:23:53,480 --> 00:23:58,640
Speaker 1: just like the factors contributing to lack of energy, lack

456
00:23:58,680 --> 00:24:01,720
Speaker 1: of like all of that is the way through hell.

457
00:24:01,880 --> 00:24:03,640
Speaker 1: Here's the other thing there is that there's a light

458
00:24:03,680 --> 00:24:05,800
Speaker 1: at the end of the time you touch. You touched

459
00:24:05,840 --> 00:24:08,480
Speaker 1: upon two things though. You and I are liking that,

460
00:24:08,600 --> 00:24:10,280
Speaker 1: and my wife acknowledge it. Last week She's like, I

461
00:24:10,320 --> 00:24:13,840
Speaker 1: just realized, like you you need more sleep to function

462
00:24:13,880 --> 00:24:16,000
Speaker 1: than me, Like and I do like I was used

463
00:24:16,040 --> 00:24:21,040
Speaker 1: to like going from like nine thirty pm falling asleep

464
00:24:21,200 --> 00:24:25,160
Speaker 1: till like six am, and like I needed that. Plus yeah,

465
00:24:25,240 --> 00:24:27,480
Speaker 1: and and then the the other thing that you love

466
00:24:27,560 --> 00:24:29,840
Speaker 1: most in life is the ability to work out, which

467
00:24:30,280 --> 00:24:33,200
Speaker 1: I my routine up until the newborn was I would

468
00:24:33,240 --> 00:24:37,880
Speaker 1: work out every morning before work. And now I started

469
00:24:38,280 --> 00:24:40,879
Speaker 1: from my mental sanity, Like that's a huge thing to

470
00:24:40,960 --> 00:24:43,880
Speaker 1: like sweat and work out, and then you lose that

471
00:24:44,000 --> 00:24:47,640
Speaker 1: because you're sleep you have to prioritize over being able

472
00:24:47,680 --> 00:24:49,480
Speaker 1: to work out. And then the other times I've tried

473
00:24:49,520 --> 00:24:52,840
Speaker 1: to set my alarm for an hour earlier than I

474
00:24:52,920 --> 00:24:55,000
Speaker 1: typically would get up to get my two year old

475
00:24:55,080 --> 00:24:57,240
Speaker 1: up to get his breakfast done. Like now I'm I'm

476
00:24:57,240 --> 00:25:00,720
Speaker 1: working out on like four hours of sleep, and I

477
00:25:01,720 --> 00:25:04,480
Speaker 1: it sucks and it's just impossible. Yeah, it's and you

478
00:25:04,560 --> 00:25:07,520
Speaker 1: actually you're you're half there, you're half not. You're just

479
00:25:07,560 --> 00:25:11,560
Speaker 1: like trying to survive, literally, is what it feels like,

480
00:25:11,680 --> 00:25:14,040
Speaker 1: versus like, yeah, this makes me feel good. I feel

481
00:25:14,119 --> 00:25:18,000
Speaker 1: I feel I'm energized, I feel energetic. Um, feeling confident.

482
00:25:18,080 --> 00:25:19,960
Speaker 1: Let's go to work. Boom my mom, I'm dialed in

483
00:25:19,960 --> 00:25:23,000
Speaker 1: at work. Um, I can't imagine what that's like. Man.

484
00:25:23,040 --> 00:25:27,720
Speaker 1: I'm I'm really like empathizing here with you. Um. But

485
00:25:28,000 --> 00:25:31,160
Speaker 1: good news is we have somebody that's going to help

486
00:25:31,200 --> 00:25:34,360
Speaker 1: you with this, and it's not Yeah, we're gonna call

487
00:25:34,400 --> 00:25:38,600
Speaker 1: our our our family and relationship therapist Gavin to grow

488
00:25:39,320 --> 00:25:42,080
Speaker 1: to weigh in on what it's like to be married

489
00:25:42,119 --> 00:25:46,200
Speaker 1: with two young kids. We'll get to our our help

490
00:25:46,280 --> 00:25:56,400
Speaker 1: for you, my friend, right after this break back from

491
00:25:56,440 --> 00:26:01,120
Speaker 1: break This is a special fatherhood edition of How Men Think.

492
00:26:01,160 --> 00:26:03,840
Speaker 1: And I want to thank you. Ryan called it a

493
00:26:03,880 --> 00:26:07,000
Speaker 1: birth control Yeah he did. He message me He's like,

494
00:26:07,440 --> 00:26:09,360
Speaker 1: this is gonna be birth control for you, Brooks. You're

495
00:26:09,359 --> 00:26:12,200
Speaker 1: not gonna want to have kids after this conversation. But um,

496
00:26:12,320 --> 00:26:14,879
Speaker 1: I want to acknowledge you, buddy, for being raw and

497
00:26:14,960 --> 00:26:17,680
Speaker 1: vulnerable because a lot of people would say, oh, having

498
00:26:17,760 --> 00:26:19,960
Speaker 1: kids is just the greatest, and that's just like that's

499
00:26:20,000 --> 00:26:22,560
Speaker 1: all they would say. But the point of this show

500
00:26:22,640 --> 00:26:25,600
Speaker 1: is to dig in deep to men's emotions, what we

501
00:26:25,680 --> 00:26:28,040
Speaker 1: really truly going are going through, and so I want

502
00:26:28,080 --> 00:26:30,920
Speaker 1: to acknowledge you for opening up and sharing that vulnerable

503
00:26:30,960 --> 00:26:34,280
Speaker 1: area of your life. I commend you, um. And as

504
00:26:34,280 --> 00:26:37,520
Speaker 1: I said before the break we have some help here

505
00:26:37,720 --> 00:26:40,280
Speaker 1: to assist you, to help you get through this. It's

506
00:26:40,320 --> 00:26:42,879
Speaker 1: not Casper. We don't have a bad coming yet, but

507
00:26:42,960 --> 00:26:46,760
Speaker 1: we'll work on that. But we do have Dr Chris

508
00:26:46,760 --> 00:26:50,639
Speaker 1: Taylor coming on a special guest. He's a licensed therapist.

509
00:26:51,080 --> 00:26:54,440
Speaker 1: Chris is a nationally recognized expert on family issues, having

510
00:26:54,440 --> 00:26:58,000
Speaker 1: spent over seventeen years working directly with parents and their families.

511
00:26:58,240 --> 00:27:00,360
Speaker 1: He's a highly sought out, sought out speaker. He's also

512
00:27:00,440 --> 00:27:04,040
Speaker 1: an author of the book Back to Basics. Uh, it's

513
00:27:04,040 --> 00:27:07,120
Speaker 1: a parenting program, husband, father, This man can do it all.

514
00:27:07,160 --> 00:27:09,960
Speaker 1: We're gonna bring him on right now to help you out.

515
00:27:10,080 --> 00:27:13,399
Speaker 1: My friend, Chris, are you there? Yeah, I'm here. How

516
00:27:13,440 --> 00:27:16,680
Speaker 1: you guys doing great? Appreciate you coming on. We got

517
00:27:16,760 --> 00:27:20,359
Speaker 1: Ryan here ready for you, Chris. And he's a trainer

518
00:27:20,440 --> 00:27:24,680
Speaker 1: at Chris. He's a real hot mess. Um, Chris hurts

519
00:27:24,680 --> 00:27:28,679
Speaker 1: when I hear firsthand. Chris, Can you give us a

520
00:27:28,720 --> 00:27:31,320
Speaker 1: little bit, uh, and our listeners a little bit on

521
00:27:31,400 --> 00:27:33,359
Speaker 1: your background? I give you a brief intro there, but

522
00:27:33,400 --> 00:27:35,520
Speaker 1: can you tell us a little bit more about your

523
00:27:35,560 --> 00:27:39,119
Speaker 1: presence in this space? Yeah? I mean I think you

524
00:27:39,240 --> 00:27:41,760
Speaker 1: covered a lot of it in that intro, just working

525
00:27:41,800 --> 00:27:44,280
Speaker 1: with families for the past seventeen years and just kind

526
00:27:44,280 --> 00:27:47,040
Speaker 1: of everything that goes into that. I'm sure you guys

527
00:27:47,080 --> 00:27:49,679
Speaker 1: have talked a lot before he brought me on, um,

528
00:27:49,720 --> 00:27:53,200
Speaker 1: you know, especially issues of being a dad. Um, just

529
00:27:53,240 --> 00:27:56,840
Speaker 1: the stresses and and real life day to day struggles

530
00:27:56,840 --> 00:27:58,720
Speaker 1: that we all go through and trying to figure out

531
00:27:58,800 --> 00:28:01,600
Speaker 1: that kind of makes you know, there's the books what

532
00:28:01,760 --> 00:28:03,560
Speaker 1: to do, and then there's the real life of how

533
00:28:03,600 --> 00:28:05,600
Speaker 1: do you actually do that? And I think what happens

534
00:28:05,640 --> 00:28:07,800
Speaker 1: is most of the time it's not in the book,

535
00:28:08,480 --> 00:28:10,439
Speaker 1: So what you do when you kind of pick up

536
00:28:10,480 --> 00:28:12,840
Speaker 1: that manual and what you need to do is in there.

537
00:28:12,880 --> 00:28:16,800
Speaker 1: So UM, so I speak on these issues obviously, I

538
00:28:16,840 --> 00:28:20,040
Speaker 1: do my private practice therapy with families that are struggling

539
00:28:20,040 --> 00:28:22,240
Speaker 1: with a lot of these same things. And surely my

540
00:28:22,240 --> 00:28:24,359
Speaker 1: passion my mission. So I'm happy to be on with

541
00:28:24,400 --> 00:28:26,080
Speaker 1: you guys to come of talk about some of these things.

542
00:28:26,400 --> 00:28:29,120
Speaker 1: Thank you, buddy, I appreciate your time. Um. You are

543
00:28:29,160 --> 00:28:33,400
Speaker 1: aware of Ryan's situation all that's going on. Two year old,

544
00:28:33,520 --> 00:28:38,160
Speaker 1: five week old, uh, trouble sleeping, trouble connecting with his wife,

545
00:28:38,320 --> 00:28:42,320
Speaker 1: just kid, two year old running crazy. Um, what advice.

546
00:28:42,360 --> 00:28:45,000
Speaker 1: Where would you start with somebody like Ryan, for any

547
00:28:45,040 --> 00:28:47,640
Speaker 1: of our other listeners that might have young kids, Like,

548
00:28:47,680 --> 00:28:50,400
Speaker 1: where would be the first place that you would look

549
00:28:50,440 --> 00:28:54,600
Speaker 1: at in the scope of him and his wife's life. Yeah,

550
00:28:54,800 --> 00:28:56,880
Speaker 1: you know, it's a good question because I think you know,

551
00:28:56,960 --> 00:28:59,360
Speaker 1: especially as man, we always try to be the superman

552
00:28:59,440 --> 00:29:01,880
Speaker 1: to do it all, all the fixers, um. But really

553
00:29:01,920 --> 00:29:04,600
Speaker 1: what you have to start with is yourself, UM, and

554
00:29:04,680 --> 00:29:07,120
Speaker 1: ask yourself, like, are you taking care of your own

555
00:29:07,160 --> 00:29:09,800
Speaker 1: individual needs? It's a human being before you can give

556
00:29:09,880 --> 00:29:12,360
Speaker 1: as a father, husband, and those are really kind of

557
00:29:12,360 --> 00:29:14,560
Speaker 1: basic ways to do that, right, Just getting outside the house,

558
00:29:14,680 --> 00:29:16,959
Speaker 1: making sure you're you're carving out some time to do

559
00:29:17,040 --> 00:29:19,520
Speaker 1: things that you enjoy, whether you know, getting on the

560
00:29:19,880 --> 00:29:22,760
Speaker 1: on the course and hid some golf balls or you know,

561
00:29:22,880 --> 00:29:24,840
Speaker 1: joining a bowling league. I know that's kind of cliche,

562
00:29:25,040 --> 00:29:27,960
Speaker 1: but just those things that break free of that normal

563
00:29:28,040 --> 00:29:30,400
Speaker 1: sort of day to day can be super helpful so

564
00:29:30,400 --> 00:29:33,640
Speaker 1: that when we go back into the stress stressful situations,

565
00:29:33,680 --> 00:29:36,720
Speaker 1: we feel more you know, sort of recharged and able

566
00:29:36,760 --> 00:29:39,480
Speaker 1: to deal with those stresses as they come. Can I

567
00:29:39,520 --> 00:29:43,080
Speaker 1: just jump in if Ryan excuse my language, but if

568
00:29:43,160 --> 00:29:45,600
Speaker 1: Ryan went to the golf course right now, his wife

569
00:29:45,600 --> 00:29:49,040
Speaker 1: would literally be like, my husband is a like he sucks,

570
00:29:49,600 --> 00:29:52,000
Speaker 1: So how is he supposed to do that without her

571
00:29:52,280 --> 00:29:58,120
Speaker 1: just blowing up? Well, the other interesting thing to that point, Chris,

572
00:29:58,120 --> 00:30:00,720
Speaker 1: which I think is a very fair point, especially with golf,

573
00:30:00,720 --> 00:30:03,840
Speaker 1: which is like a four hour endeavor. But she she

574
00:30:03,880 --> 00:30:08,640
Speaker 1: would be perfectly okay with me going to play golf

575
00:30:09,000 --> 00:30:12,760
Speaker 1: so long as it was reciprocated with her being able

576
00:30:12,800 --> 00:30:16,360
Speaker 1: to go do whatever she wants to do for the

577
00:30:16,400 --> 00:30:18,320
Speaker 1: same amount of time that I went to do it.

578
00:30:18,480 --> 00:30:21,280
Speaker 1: So what I would be thinking to myself would be

579
00:30:22,400 --> 00:30:25,440
Speaker 1: the joy that I would have on that golf course

580
00:30:25,480 --> 00:30:30,760
Speaker 1: would be severely overshadowed by the misery I would experience

581
00:30:31,160 --> 00:30:33,640
Speaker 1: when I was alone with the two kids and having

582
00:30:33,680 --> 00:30:36,880
Speaker 1: to keep them alive, Like it's not worth it to me.

583
00:30:36,960 --> 00:30:40,320
Speaker 1: I'd rather be in kind of like purgatory where I'm

584
00:30:40,360 --> 00:30:44,920
Speaker 1: consistently slightly miserable and not like in the in the

585
00:30:44,920 --> 00:30:49,240
Speaker 1: the deep deep valley. Seriously is it? Yeah? No, I

586
00:30:49,240 --> 00:30:51,920
Speaker 1: I hear you, And yeah, I think that vulnerability keeps,

587
00:30:51,960 --> 00:30:53,840
Speaker 1: you know, to talk through those with your wife, to

588
00:30:53,920 --> 00:30:56,479
Speaker 1: just name it, you know, is I have this guilt

589
00:30:56,600 --> 00:30:59,480
Speaker 1: for my own personal enjoyment because I feel like there's

590
00:31:00,120 --> 00:31:02,600
Speaker 1: punishment that's going to come on the other side. And

591
00:31:02,600 --> 00:31:05,240
Speaker 1: and it's hard because you're naming that punishment as time

592
00:31:05,280 --> 00:31:07,960
Speaker 1: with your family right or time with your kids. But

593
00:31:08,080 --> 00:31:10,800
Speaker 1: saying that because I'm so burnt around the edges right now,

594
00:31:11,000 --> 00:31:12,920
Speaker 1: that's what it feels like to me. It feels like

595
00:31:12,960 --> 00:31:15,280
Speaker 1: I literally have nothing to give when I'm in it

596
00:31:15,440 --> 00:31:18,480
Speaker 1: just NonStop. It feels like I'm under attacked and I

597
00:31:18,520 --> 00:31:21,240
Speaker 1: have none of that time to really be present in

598
00:31:21,440 --> 00:31:23,400
Speaker 1: any one area of my life. So you know, I mean,

599
00:31:23,400 --> 00:31:26,080
Speaker 1: just describing as that purgatory like you just did, I

600
00:31:26,080 --> 00:31:28,080
Speaker 1: think it's super important. It's gonna be hard for her

601
00:31:28,120 --> 00:31:30,920
Speaker 1: to hear, but I think that realness, in the authenticity

602
00:31:31,000 --> 00:31:33,880
Speaker 1: is you have to go there Otherwise what do you do?

603
00:31:33,960 --> 00:31:35,760
Speaker 1: And you're just sort of playing a game and crushing

604
00:31:35,760 --> 00:31:38,440
Speaker 1: yourself in the process, and you know, for your life,

605
00:31:38,440 --> 00:31:40,360
Speaker 1: for you, for your kids the long run, that's not

606
00:31:40,360 --> 00:31:42,600
Speaker 1: gonna be good for anybody. You. One of our very

607
00:31:42,680 --> 00:31:45,080
Speaker 1: first Hell Men Think episodes you touched on that you

608
00:31:45,120 --> 00:31:47,959
Speaker 1: said you had like man guilt anytime you went away

609
00:31:48,280 --> 00:31:51,440
Speaker 1: on business trip or a guy's trip or something. You

610
00:31:51,480 --> 00:31:53,760
Speaker 1: said you couldn't even really enjoy yourself. You didn't want

611
00:31:53,760 --> 00:31:55,960
Speaker 1: to come home and say I had the best time

612
00:31:55,960 --> 00:31:58,280
Speaker 1: ever because you felt guilty about it. I want to

613
00:31:58,280 --> 00:32:02,120
Speaker 1: downplay how good or fun it was if I know

614
00:32:02,280 --> 00:32:06,960
Speaker 1: that she wasn't having as much fun while home. But

615
00:32:06,960 --> 00:32:09,480
Speaker 1: but on this side, you're saying, on this agreement that

616
00:32:09,560 --> 00:32:14,320
Speaker 1: Chris proposed, she would also have this turn of for herself.

617
00:32:14,720 --> 00:32:17,080
Speaker 1: So maybe at home during the time you were away,

618
00:32:17,120 --> 00:32:20,440
Speaker 1: maybe she was like juggling the two kids, but she

619
00:32:20,520 --> 00:32:24,200
Speaker 1: knows she's got X amount of hours coming up tomorrow

620
00:32:24,320 --> 00:32:26,480
Speaker 1: or the next day or something where she gets to

621
00:32:26,520 --> 00:32:28,760
Speaker 1: go to yoga or meditation, to have lunch with a friend,

622
00:32:28,800 --> 00:32:33,000
Speaker 1: whatever her chosen activity would be. I just know I

623
00:32:33,000 --> 00:32:37,080
Speaker 1: would be on that golf course. I'd be Okay, we're

624
00:32:37,080 --> 00:32:40,240
Speaker 1: on the back nine. Now, we're around the bend, that

625
00:32:40,360 --> 00:32:43,840
Speaker 1: much closer to me doing double duty with two kids,

626
00:32:43,840 --> 00:32:46,800
Speaker 1: like spraying balls all over the place because I'm losing

627
00:32:46,800 --> 00:32:48,440
Speaker 1: my mind at what I'm about to be in four

628
00:32:48,560 --> 00:32:50,840
Speaker 1: Could you do four hours with the two kids? You

629
00:32:51,200 --> 00:32:54,240
Speaker 1: couldn't pull it off? I mean, would they live? Yes?

630
00:32:54,280 --> 00:33:01,520
Speaker 1: Would I just be miserable? Yeah? Like I think once, Uh,

631
00:33:01,560 --> 00:33:03,880
Speaker 1: if the easiest thing for me. And what what she

632
00:33:04,080 --> 00:33:07,280
Speaker 1: my wife typically does is she will go to yogur

633
00:33:07,400 --> 00:33:09,840
Speaker 1: do whatever she wants to do over a nap for

634
00:33:09,880 --> 00:33:11,200
Speaker 1: the two year old, which is like a two and

635
00:33:11,200 --> 00:33:14,440
Speaker 1: a half hour nap. I can man on, man, I'm fine,

636
00:33:14,520 --> 00:33:17,760
Speaker 1: but it's having the two is difficult for me. And

637
00:33:17,760 --> 00:33:21,760
Speaker 1: and look credit to her because when I'm away late

638
00:33:21,840 --> 00:33:25,040
Speaker 1: at night for work or overnight somewhere for work, she's

639
00:33:25,040 --> 00:33:27,960
Speaker 1: doing both the entire time, you know, doing the bedtime

640
00:33:28,040 --> 00:33:30,160
Speaker 1: roteam for both of them. So it's it is possible,

641
00:33:30,240 --> 00:33:33,560
Speaker 1: but maybe it's my inability to have a maternal instinct

642
00:33:33,680 --> 00:33:36,400
Speaker 1: or familiarity doing it so many times that I'm not

643
00:33:36,480 --> 00:33:40,760
Speaker 1: as comfortable, Chris. Is it typical? Ryan's not bonding with

644
00:33:40,800 --> 00:33:45,560
Speaker 1: the baby as much. Is that typical? He's much closer

645
00:33:45,560 --> 00:33:48,160
Speaker 1: with the two year old. It's a better relationship, closer

646
00:33:48,160 --> 00:33:50,160
Speaker 1: with my two year old. But yeah, I don't bond

647
00:33:50,200 --> 00:33:52,680
Speaker 1: as much with the baby, Chris, because I feel like

648
00:33:52,720 --> 00:33:57,440
Speaker 1: I'm not as equipped to, uh, you know, keep the

649
00:33:57,480 --> 00:33:59,640
Speaker 1: baby happy as my wife. So I choose to deal

650
00:33:59,680 --> 00:34:01,600
Speaker 1: with the of your old who I know exactly how

651
00:34:01,600 --> 00:34:04,880
Speaker 1: to make happy. Yeah, I mean I think it's it's

652
00:34:04,920 --> 00:34:07,560
Speaker 1: fully reasonable. And and very common that you would have

653
00:34:07,600 --> 00:34:11,440
Speaker 1: that experience because we're not sort of built to bond

654
00:34:11,600 --> 00:34:14,279
Speaker 1: at that time with infants in the same way that

655
00:34:14,320 --> 00:34:16,920
Speaker 1: the mother is. Um. I mean, you just look at breastfeeding.

656
00:34:16,960 --> 00:34:19,080
Speaker 1: Unless you're gonna start trying to do that with your kid,

657
00:34:19,400 --> 00:34:21,319
Speaker 1: You're in a whole another ball game with what you're

658
00:34:21,360 --> 00:34:24,080
Speaker 1: able to do. And I think you know, dad's roles

659
00:34:24,200 --> 00:34:27,839
Speaker 1: is typically as that play partner right at that stimulator

660
00:34:27,920 --> 00:34:31,520
Speaker 1: of imaginary play, of excitement, of sort of outside stuff

661
00:34:31,520 --> 00:34:34,640
Speaker 1: of adventure, and that only comes online when that kid

662
00:34:34,719 --> 00:34:37,600
Speaker 1: really starts to be more mobile and active. A lot

663
00:34:37,600 --> 00:34:39,560
Speaker 1: of guys that I talked to start talking about their

664
00:34:39,600 --> 00:34:42,040
Speaker 1: fantasies of like when my kid is ten years old

665
00:34:42,080 --> 00:34:44,439
Speaker 1: or when they're eleven years old, they can start being

666
00:34:44,480 --> 00:34:46,520
Speaker 1: on a field, or they can start being involved in

667
00:34:46,560 --> 00:34:48,839
Speaker 1: other activities. And that's why they really feel like that

668
00:34:48,920 --> 00:34:51,880
Speaker 1: relationship is going to come alive. And I think because

669
00:34:51,920 --> 00:34:54,480
Speaker 1: it does become more of a relationship then where you

670
00:34:54,480 --> 00:34:57,360
Speaker 1: can engage in communication, you can have those you know,

671
00:34:57,400 --> 00:35:00,279
Speaker 1: sort of deep down core value talks and you know

672
00:35:00,360 --> 00:35:03,279
Speaker 1: kind of bestowed that wisdom that um, you know that

673
00:35:03,360 --> 00:35:04,920
Speaker 1: we all has been kind of want to give to

674
00:35:05,200 --> 00:35:07,759
Speaker 1: uh to our kids. So and I think that's part

675
00:35:07,760 --> 00:35:10,680
Speaker 1: of it too, not guilty yourself and shaming yourself. Well,

676
00:35:10,719 --> 00:35:13,240
Speaker 1: something's wrong with me because I can't there's my incidant.

677
00:35:13,280 --> 00:35:14,960
Speaker 1: This is my child, and it should be just in

678
00:35:15,040 --> 00:35:17,840
Speaker 1: this like constant state of euphoria. I think you have

679
00:35:17,960 --> 00:35:19,960
Speaker 1: to be raw and honest. They know. There's times when

680
00:35:20,000 --> 00:35:21,759
Speaker 1: I look at that kid and I think you're the

681
00:35:21,800 --> 00:35:24,000
Speaker 1: reason that me and my wife aren't close. You're the

682
00:35:24,000 --> 00:35:26,359
Speaker 1: reason I'm not getting my free time. And it's not

683
00:35:26,400 --> 00:35:28,640
Speaker 1: that you're attacking your child, are blaming it, or wanting

684
00:35:28,640 --> 00:35:30,799
Speaker 1: any ill will towards it. It's just that you're being

685
00:35:30,840 --> 00:35:33,720
Speaker 1: honest within yourself about what that deeper, you know, emotion

686
00:35:33,760 --> 00:35:36,880
Speaker 1: really is. Yeah. The other thing that I'm curious what

687
00:35:36,920 --> 00:35:39,200
Speaker 1: you think about is when I get home from work

688
00:35:39,360 --> 00:35:41,680
Speaker 1: and it's you know, there are times when it's like

689
00:35:41,800 --> 00:35:44,120
Speaker 1: my wife has just dealt with the two kids and

690
00:35:44,200 --> 00:35:47,839
Speaker 1: they've been a nightmare and she is at her wits end,

691
00:35:48,080 --> 00:35:54,080
Speaker 1: fried and it's that that very common um situation where

692
00:35:54,120 --> 00:35:56,680
Speaker 1: the wife. Then you walk in the door and before

693
00:35:56,680 --> 00:35:59,360
Speaker 1: you can put your stuff down, the baby is handed

694
00:35:59,400 --> 00:36:01,000
Speaker 1: to you. And it's like I've been dealing with this,

695
00:36:01,400 --> 00:36:04,000
Speaker 1: hold the baby, now you need to deal with it.

696
00:36:04,080 --> 00:36:07,680
Speaker 1: And in my what I've said vocally is like, I

697
00:36:07,800 --> 00:36:10,200
Speaker 1: have just been at work all day and I also

698
00:36:10,280 --> 00:36:12,840
Speaker 1: need a break. So for me to come home after

699
00:36:12,960 --> 00:36:16,960
Speaker 1: being at work all day and immediately jump right into

700
00:36:17,880 --> 00:36:22,360
Speaker 1: this is like it's just it's daunting. It's like when

701
00:36:22,800 --> 00:36:25,880
Speaker 1: so then I'm constantly saying, Okay, get to seven o'clock

702
00:36:25,920 --> 00:36:28,520
Speaker 1: because that's when the two year old goes down and

703
00:36:28,560 --> 00:36:30,920
Speaker 1: then you'll have a little relief. But you're looking at

704
00:36:30,960 --> 00:36:35,520
Speaker 1: the clock the entire day saying five hours till seven o'clock,

705
00:36:35,680 --> 00:36:40,160
Speaker 1: four hours still seven o'clock, and it's it's tough. Yeah,

706
00:36:40,239 --> 00:36:42,799
Speaker 1: And and again I would say that's the common experience.

707
00:36:43,080 --> 00:36:45,479
Speaker 1: You know. We think that it's just like this other

708
00:36:45,600 --> 00:36:47,680
Speaker 1: side of things where we're just so happy and here,

709
00:36:47,760 --> 00:36:49,560
Speaker 1: let me help you, and you go take your breaks

710
00:36:49,600 --> 00:36:52,160
Speaker 1: and I can just but no, you know, we're kind

711
00:36:52,160 --> 00:36:54,399
Speaker 1: of miserable. We feel like we lost that earlier part

712
00:36:54,480 --> 00:36:56,400
Speaker 1: of our lives. We feel scared that we're never going

713
00:36:56,440 --> 00:36:58,640
Speaker 1: to get that back. We look at that need for

714
00:36:58,719 --> 00:37:01,440
Speaker 1: physical contact and then see intimacy with her wives and

715
00:37:01,480 --> 00:37:03,640
Speaker 1: she's backing away from us. Because she's like I just

716
00:37:03,680 --> 00:37:05,920
Speaker 1: need to retreat, I need to go take care of myself,

717
00:37:06,160 --> 00:37:08,080
Speaker 1: and you're then stuck in that role. Was like, well,

718
00:37:08,080 --> 00:37:10,400
Speaker 1: you either have to do everything and just shake my

719
00:37:10,440 --> 00:37:13,879
Speaker 1: way through it, or you know, I don't think there

720
00:37:14,000 --> 00:37:15,759
Speaker 1: is kind of another or for a lot of men,

721
00:37:15,840 --> 00:37:18,000
Speaker 1: they just do that. That's what I wanted to ask

722
00:37:18,040 --> 00:37:19,880
Speaker 1: you that I feel like it's the elephant in the

723
00:37:19,960 --> 00:37:22,520
Speaker 1: room is do you have a lot of clients where

724
00:37:22,600 --> 00:37:28,600
Speaker 1: this is when the man strays from the marriage. What

725
00:37:28,600 --> 00:37:33,279
Speaker 1: do you mean by strays cheats? Yeah, I think it's

726
00:37:33,320 --> 00:37:35,359
Speaker 1: it's the stress of it because it's such a game

727
00:37:35,440 --> 00:37:38,279
Speaker 1: changer for relationships, and especially when it's your second you know,

728
00:37:38,320 --> 00:37:40,839
Speaker 1: you feel like, Okay, we we conquered the mountain, right,

729
00:37:40,840 --> 00:37:43,400
Speaker 1: we climbed to the mountaintop, we got through it, and

730
00:37:43,400 --> 00:37:45,279
Speaker 1: then you're seeing like this light at the end of

731
00:37:45,280 --> 00:37:47,600
Speaker 1: the tunnel. Right, it's like the water at the edge

732
00:37:47,640 --> 00:37:50,040
Speaker 1: of the desert, and then you get to it and boom,

733
00:37:50,160 --> 00:37:51,839
Speaker 1: you add the other one in and it's like, this

734
00:37:51,920 --> 00:37:53,880
Speaker 1: is never gonna end. This is just going to be

735
00:37:53,960 --> 00:37:56,480
Speaker 1: my life. And I think all of that like read

736
00:37:56,600 --> 00:38:00,120
Speaker 1: playing of nostalgia and like the single man syndrome that

737
00:38:00,160 --> 00:38:03,520
Speaker 1: we're like grafting greener. That all comes into play, and

738
00:38:03,640 --> 00:38:06,400
Speaker 1: especially when there's that breakdown in intimacy. Sure, you go

739
00:38:06,440 --> 00:38:08,160
Speaker 1: to work or you're at a coffee shop and that

740
00:38:08,200 --> 00:38:10,560
Speaker 1: attractive woman gives you a smile from across the way,

741
00:38:10,880 --> 00:38:13,560
Speaker 1: and it's sort of that like, hey, wow, somebody sees

742
00:38:13,600 --> 00:38:16,680
Speaker 1: me for value other than or maybe I could engage

743
00:38:16,760 --> 00:38:20,600
Speaker 1: in this life different than And you know, it can

744
00:38:20,640 --> 00:38:23,920
Speaker 1: spread like wildfire in our minds because we're so susceptible,

745
00:38:24,280 --> 00:38:26,799
Speaker 1: us needing that validation. So how do you bring back

746
00:38:26,800 --> 00:38:29,480
Speaker 1: the intimacy in marriage? Let me say, Amy that that

747
00:38:29,640 --> 00:38:32,000
Speaker 1: is not happening to me. Chris Amy began when I

748
00:38:32,040 --> 00:38:34,480
Speaker 1: walked into the studio today by telling me I look horrible.

749
00:38:34,600 --> 00:38:37,880
Speaker 1: So there's not a in the country that has given

750
00:38:37,880 --> 00:38:42,279
Speaker 1: me remotely a look of anything. So you don't look great.

751
00:38:42,320 --> 00:38:45,680
Speaker 1: I'm not gonna lie, but how you getting hideous is

752
00:38:45,719 --> 00:38:48,080
Speaker 1: a good thing in this case, it's working for his

753
00:38:48,160 --> 00:38:51,120
Speaker 1: wife for sure. So how when there's coop and diapers

754
00:38:51,160 --> 00:38:53,759
Speaker 1: and breastfeeding and no one's sleeping and all these things,

755
00:38:53,760 --> 00:38:56,560
Speaker 1: how do you even have intimacy in a relationship with

756
00:38:56,600 --> 00:39:02,120
Speaker 1: all that sort of it just sounds. Yeah, it suffers,

757
00:39:02,280 --> 00:39:04,239
Speaker 1: there's no doubt about it. I mean, I think that's

758
00:39:04,280 --> 00:39:07,080
Speaker 1: when you enter into the you know, let's get a babysitter,

759
00:39:07,200 --> 00:39:09,439
Speaker 1: let's get a parent, Let's get somebody that can help

760
00:39:09,520 --> 00:39:12,120
Speaker 1: us out at least just for a few hours. Get

761
00:39:12,160 --> 00:39:14,839
Speaker 1: outside the house, go on a date, get to know

762
00:39:15,000 --> 00:39:18,600
Speaker 1: the person again outside of the stipers and the feedings

763
00:39:18,640 --> 00:39:20,960
Speaker 1: and the lack of sleep. Um, even if it's like

764
00:39:21,040 --> 00:39:23,359
Speaker 1: I don't want to get dressed up and go somewhere nice,

765
00:39:23,440 --> 00:39:26,879
Speaker 1: can we just go sit somewhere away from this um?

766
00:39:26,960 --> 00:39:29,520
Speaker 1: And then there's the sort of cliche rule of you

767
00:39:29,640 --> 00:39:32,920
Speaker 1: talk nothing about kids, you're talking nothing about work, right,

768
00:39:33,000 --> 00:39:35,479
Speaker 1: You really treat it almost like it's the first state,

769
00:39:35,600 --> 00:39:38,640
Speaker 1: and you try to stimulate that sort of romantic appeal

770
00:39:39,000 --> 00:39:40,920
Speaker 1: and get it that. You go back into the house

771
00:39:40,920 --> 00:39:42,840
Speaker 1: and you're kind of back into that stress and the

772
00:39:42,880 --> 00:39:46,120
Speaker 1: breakdown is still there. But with enough attention to each other,

773
00:39:46,160 --> 00:39:48,120
Speaker 1: I think you can at least start to key in

774
00:39:48,160 --> 00:39:51,000
Speaker 1: on the emotional intimacy and you know, over a little

775
00:39:51,000 --> 00:39:52,600
Speaker 1: bit of time that's going to lead back to that

776
00:39:52,640 --> 00:39:57,120
Speaker 1: physical intimacy returning. So, um, there's not an easy solution

777
00:39:57,200 --> 00:39:59,680
Speaker 1: for it, but it's giving you, guys both permission to

778
00:39:59,719 --> 00:40:02,800
Speaker 1: sell away at the same time and nurture your relationship

779
00:40:02,800 --> 00:40:06,320
Speaker 1: because without a strong you know, marriage and parental units,

780
00:40:06,600 --> 00:40:08,200
Speaker 1: I mean, the kids are gonna suffer. You guys are

781
00:40:08,200 --> 00:40:10,960
Speaker 1: gonna suffer. It's not good for anybody. So, um, I

782
00:40:11,040 --> 00:40:13,719
Speaker 1: know that's when dealty comes back and around and kind of,

783
00:40:13,840 --> 00:40:16,160
Speaker 1: you know, try to bite you again. But it's like, hey, like,

784
00:40:16,280 --> 00:40:18,640
Speaker 1: what are we really doing. Are we trying to sacrifice

785
00:40:18,760 --> 00:40:21,440
Speaker 1: literally ourselves in our marriage for our kids or are

786
00:40:21,480 --> 00:40:24,920
Speaker 1: we trying to strengthen ourselves that although at times may

787
00:40:24,960 --> 00:40:28,080
Speaker 1: feel like we're sacrificing the kids, we're really not because

788
00:40:28,080 --> 00:40:30,279
Speaker 1: I think you know, especially if kids get older, they

789
00:40:30,320 --> 00:40:32,520
Speaker 1: need that break from parents and much parents need to

790
00:40:32,560 --> 00:40:35,600
Speaker 1: break from them. So I love that. I think that's

791
00:40:35,840 --> 00:40:38,239
Speaker 1: I was once told friends gave me advice once and

792
00:40:38,360 --> 00:40:40,439
Speaker 1: I I asked parents about this because I think it's

793
00:40:41,120 --> 00:40:44,880
Speaker 1: I'm curious on how parents look at it. Um. I

794
00:40:44,960 --> 00:40:48,239
Speaker 1: was told, when you have kids, make sure that you

795
00:40:48,280 --> 00:40:52,320
Speaker 1: put your partner first, because if you and your partner

796
00:40:52,360 --> 00:40:54,440
Speaker 1: are strong, the home will be strong and the kids

797
00:40:54,440 --> 00:40:59,520
Speaker 1: will have a permanently strong home, Versus if you constantly

798
00:40:59,560 --> 00:41:02,480
Speaker 1: put kids first. Kids first, kids first, the parents are

799
00:41:02,480 --> 00:41:05,080
Speaker 1: going to drift apart, and maybe that leads maybe it's

800
00:41:05,080 --> 00:41:06,680
Speaker 1: not this year, maybe it's not next year, but maybe

801
00:41:06,680 --> 00:41:08,040
Speaker 1: it's a couple of years down the road to a

802
00:41:08,040 --> 00:41:11,440
Speaker 1: divorce or loss of connection or something. But um, I've

803
00:41:11,480 --> 00:41:14,160
Speaker 1: asked a lot of parents this question, and the answers

804
00:41:14,160 --> 00:41:16,160
Speaker 1: are honestly are like fifty fifty. Some are like no,

805
00:41:16,440 --> 00:41:18,440
Speaker 1: my my wife and I we put our kids first,

806
00:41:18,480 --> 00:41:21,000
Speaker 1: and some are like, yes, we put each other first

807
00:41:21,160 --> 00:41:24,160
Speaker 1: and strengthen our relationship. And kids are tough, they'll they're

808
00:41:24,160 --> 00:41:26,400
Speaker 1: okay if they don't go to the park today or something.

809
00:41:26,440 --> 00:41:28,879
Speaker 1: But um, as long as we're strong, the home will

810
00:41:28,920 --> 00:41:30,759
Speaker 1: be strong. What do you Which way do you lean? Ryan?

811
00:41:30,920 --> 00:41:33,279
Speaker 1: You have kids, so actually, like, which way do you lean?

812
00:41:34,560 --> 00:41:36,880
Speaker 1: As long as we're strong? Well, it's it's not like

813
00:41:36,920 --> 00:41:38,480
Speaker 1: you're not going to feed your five year old like

814
00:41:38,560 --> 00:41:41,200
Speaker 1: or five month old or five week old. Um, you

815
00:41:41,239 --> 00:41:43,719
Speaker 1: have to do that. But like I loved I I

816
00:41:43,800 --> 00:41:46,760
Speaker 1: agree with what you said, Chris, Like do you agree

817
00:41:46,800 --> 00:41:49,200
Speaker 1: with that as well? Or which way do you look

818
00:41:49,239 --> 00:41:52,120
Speaker 1: at it? I do agree with it, but like I'll

819
00:41:52,160 --> 00:41:55,080
Speaker 1: give you an example. I'll be completely real for a second,

820
00:41:55,200 --> 00:41:58,799
Speaker 1: like we as just to back up, and we went

821
00:41:58,840 --> 00:42:03,440
Speaker 1: through IVF. So when you through IVF, you cannot have

822
00:42:03,600 --> 00:42:07,080
Speaker 1: sex over the course of IVF because you're being pumped

823
00:42:07,120 --> 00:42:12,400
Speaker 1: with hormones, You're you're doing shots into your stomach with estrogen,

824
00:42:12,640 --> 00:42:15,920
Speaker 1: all sorts of stuff. So you you're not allowed to

825
00:42:16,000 --> 00:42:18,760
Speaker 1: have sex because it's dangerous for there's so many follicles

826
00:42:18,760 --> 00:42:21,799
Speaker 1: that are being stimulated. You're at the risk of having multiples. Uh,

827
00:42:21,840 --> 00:42:25,359
Speaker 1: so you can't have sex. So I think we are

828
00:42:25,360 --> 00:42:28,439
Speaker 1: in a position where that began a year ago, where

829
00:42:28,440 --> 00:42:31,640
Speaker 1: you go through a long, long I VF over a

830
00:42:31,680 --> 00:42:35,719
Speaker 1: year ago cycle of like you lose that intimacy or

831
00:42:35,880 --> 00:42:40,239
Speaker 1: sex part of your marriage be per doctor's orders, legitimately,

832
00:42:40,719 --> 00:42:44,400
Speaker 1: and then you finally get pregnant, and it was a

833
00:42:44,440 --> 00:42:47,720
Speaker 1: tough pregnancy and you know, my wife did not feel

834
00:42:47,760 --> 00:42:52,000
Speaker 1: great quite often. And so when you don't feel great

835
00:42:52,040 --> 00:42:56,560
Speaker 1: and you're pregnant, you're not really clamoring to have sex.

836
00:42:56,600 --> 00:42:59,120
Speaker 1: And so then you go through that whole pregnancy and

837
00:42:59,120 --> 00:43:01,320
Speaker 1: then you give birth, and when you give birth, things

838
00:43:01,360 --> 00:43:04,920
Speaker 1: happen where you have to be dormant again post childbirth

839
00:43:05,000 --> 00:43:09,359
Speaker 1: so that everything heals properly and it's like you look

840
00:43:09,360 --> 00:43:11,560
Speaker 1: at the calendar and that's a long run of a

841
00:43:11,680 --> 00:43:15,279
Speaker 1: lack of intimacy for good reason. And maybe Amy's going

842
00:43:15,320 --> 00:43:17,480
Speaker 1: to tell me I'm making an excuse, but like not

843
00:43:18,040 --> 00:43:20,960
Speaker 1: that that really and and my wife and I have

844
00:43:21,080 --> 00:43:23,640
Speaker 1: just talked about it, like that is tough too for

845
00:43:24,280 --> 00:43:27,719
Speaker 1: a marriage, and again, like that was the cards that

846
00:43:27,840 --> 00:43:30,560
Speaker 1: that was dictated for us because we had to adhere

847
00:43:30,600 --> 00:43:34,839
Speaker 1: to certain but like that is very trying, and it's

848
00:43:34,880 --> 00:43:38,879
Speaker 1: tough to feel like you're not just cohabitating and coexisting

849
00:43:38,880 --> 00:43:42,080
Speaker 1: in a household when you have haven't had the ability

850
00:43:42,160 --> 00:43:44,440
Speaker 1: to be that intimate for all the reasons I just

851
00:43:44,480 --> 00:43:47,680
Speaker 1: laid out, So that weighs on both of us. It's

852
00:43:47,680 --> 00:43:50,080
Speaker 1: a two way street, Like it weighs on us, and

853
00:43:50,120 --> 00:43:52,360
Speaker 1: that that is very tough for me. How would you

854
00:43:52,360 --> 00:43:55,200
Speaker 1: go with that, Chris? Just the compounding the year long,

855
00:43:55,360 --> 00:44:00,359
Speaker 1: year plus long journey which lacks intimacy. How would you

856
00:44:00,400 --> 00:44:02,400
Speaker 1: try And I mean you mentioned it about trying to

857
00:44:02,440 --> 00:44:03,759
Speaker 1: get out of the house, but how would you go

858
00:44:03,800 --> 00:44:07,319
Speaker 1: at that a little deeper? Yeah, I mean it's it's hard,

859
00:44:07,440 --> 00:44:09,960
Speaker 1: especially for men because we crave that, you know, not

860
00:44:10,080 --> 00:44:13,239
Speaker 1: say that women don't, but particularly crave that physical closeness.

861
00:44:13,680 --> 00:44:15,720
Speaker 1: I think you try to achieve it by other means,

862
00:44:15,840 --> 00:44:19,640
Speaker 1: you know, in the interim, with emotional intimacy, sharing vulnerabilities,

863
00:44:19,680 --> 00:44:26,040
Speaker 1: trying or something. But yeah, okay you can too. But

864
00:44:26,160 --> 00:44:27,759
Speaker 1: that's what came into my mind, like a little bit

865
00:44:27,760 --> 00:44:31,520
Speaker 1: of sexting or something, just a little something. Yeah. I

866
00:44:31,560 --> 00:44:33,319
Speaker 1: mean I think you've got to keep it interesting and

867
00:44:33,400 --> 00:44:35,920
Speaker 1: keep it kind of flirty. Um, and you know, be

868
00:44:36,000 --> 00:44:40,520
Speaker 1: cautious about developing the resentments of like what can't happen um,

869
00:44:40,560 --> 00:44:42,680
Speaker 1: and try to focus on maybe what you can do

870
00:44:42,960 --> 00:44:46,240
Speaker 1: in the interim. Um. You know, in physical touch obviously

871
00:44:46,239 --> 00:44:49,000
Speaker 1: comes in a lot of different forms. There's not just intercourse.

872
00:44:49,040 --> 00:44:53,880
Speaker 1: I mean there's you know, there's a touch and you

873
00:44:54,080 --> 00:44:55,600
Speaker 1: when you when you when you say it like that

874
00:44:55,640 --> 00:45:00,800
Speaker 1: you have me a hello, but um, um, all fut stuff. Well,

875
00:45:00,920 --> 00:45:03,359
Speaker 1: and I think you have to have that conversation like, look,

876
00:45:03,400 --> 00:45:06,120
Speaker 1: I have these needs and if these needs go on

877
00:45:06,200 --> 00:45:09,520
Speaker 1: met like, it affects me emotionally, um, And taking that

878
00:45:09,600 --> 00:45:12,120
Speaker 1: risk to share that from that perspective, and I would

879
00:45:12,120 --> 00:45:14,400
Speaker 1: say that your wife like understand that and wants to

880
00:45:14,440 --> 00:45:16,239
Speaker 1: be able to give that to you. Obviously she has

881
00:45:16,280 --> 00:45:18,480
Speaker 1: those restrictions because what her body is going through and

882
00:45:18,480 --> 00:45:21,440
Speaker 1: that's difficult for her, but also asking her like, are

883
00:45:21,480 --> 00:45:23,880
Speaker 1: there things that I can do for you physically that

884
00:45:23,920 --> 00:45:26,600
Speaker 1: are stimulating, that you know, would give you that sense

885
00:45:26,640 --> 00:45:31,920
Speaker 1: of connection? Well, like about Chris works is into sucking

886
00:45:31,960 --> 00:45:33,759
Speaker 1: toes just saying no, but we don't want to go

887
00:45:33,760 --> 00:45:36,160
Speaker 1: down that path. I say you try it. Hey, if

888
00:45:36,160 --> 00:45:38,359
Speaker 1: you're if you're at a little stalemate here, I say

889
00:45:38,400 --> 00:45:42,440
Speaker 1: you try IVF. Question, So, if you're not allowed to

890
00:45:42,440 --> 00:45:46,840
Speaker 1: have sex during IVF, are you allowed to have you

891
00:45:46,920 --> 00:45:51,520
Speaker 1: know what other stuff the O word, Like, is the

892
00:45:51,520 --> 00:45:55,120
Speaker 1: woman allowed to have an orgasm? Yes? Uh, you're not

893
00:45:55,760 --> 00:46:00,759
Speaker 1: You're not you basically you basically just turn off like

894
00:46:00,840 --> 00:46:03,239
Speaker 1: you just like let's that was That leads to my

895
00:46:03,239 --> 00:46:06,799
Speaker 1: next question, Chris, I wanted to ask you because I

896
00:46:06,840 --> 00:46:09,440
Speaker 1: agree you can try those things. Is there also just

897
00:46:09,520 --> 00:46:12,239
Speaker 1: another side of this where you just say, hey, this

898
00:46:12,320 --> 00:46:15,200
Speaker 1: is a stage of life. Let's just battle and grind here.

899
00:46:15,400 --> 00:46:17,399
Speaker 1: By the time the kid is four months old, he's

900
00:46:17,400 --> 00:46:19,760
Speaker 1: going to be out of our bed and and let's

901
00:46:19,800 --> 00:46:23,200
Speaker 1: just uh, let's just champion this. It's not that much further, Like,

902
00:46:23,239 --> 00:46:25,319
Speaker 1: do you ever just resigned to that or you just

903
00:46:25,640 --> 00:46:27,680
Speaker 1: or do you try to keep working at trying to

904
00:46:27,680 --> 00:46:30,960
Speaker 1: build this intimacy and keep that present. Knowing that you're

905
00:46:30,960 --> 00:46:34,759
Speaker 1: in this stage, you always got to be working at it.

906
00:46:34,800 --> 00:46:36,880
Speaker 1: I mean, you can't sort of ever admit defeats this

907
00:46:37,080 --> 00:46:39,000
Speaker 1: is just the way it's going to be. I mean,

908
00:46:39,040 --> 00:46:41,520
Speaker 1: I think if you do go through those periods, because

909
00:46:41,560 --> 00:46:43,200
Speaker 1: you know, obviously in any marriage there's going to be

910
00:46:43,200 --> 00:46:45,560
Speaker 1: there with rough patches that you do a good job

911
00:46:45,560 --> 00:46:48,640
Speaker 1: of communicating through it of what the real deeper feelings are.

912
00:46:48,640 --> 00:46:50,319
Speaker 1: I mean, maybe even things come up for a lot

913
00:46:50,320 --> 00:46:52,879
Speaker 1: of us around rejection or abandonment. You know, we lean

914
00:46:52,960 --> 00:46:56,280
Speaker 1: into a partner and we want that moment of connection

915
00:46:56,400 --> 00:46:59,400
Speaker 1: and they're tired or you know, they're frustrated about the

916
00:46:59,480 --> 00:47:01,799
Speaker 1: kids and they pull away. We can feel that from

917
00:47:01,800 --> 00:47:04,840
Speaker 1: a personal perspective of you know, they're rejecting me because

918
00:47:04,840 --> 00:47:07,719
Speaker 1: of me um and kind of lose tracks. So if

919
00:47:07,760 --> 00:47:11,239
Speaker 1: we're even going it's deep, you know, emotionally and from

920
00:47:11,280 --> 00:47:14,040
Speaker 1: a place of vulnerability in that way to share Okay,

921
00:47:14,560 --> 00:47:16,680
Speaker 1: you know, I'm feeling really rejected. I know it's not

922
00:47:16,719 --> 00:47:18,920
Speaker 1: necessarily you doing that to me, but but this is

923
00:47:19,000 --> 00:47:21,960
Speaker 1: this is my emotional experience. I think those things can

924
00:47:22,040 --> 00:47:25,480
Speaker 1: really bring couples closer and try to you know, bridge

925
00:47:25,520 --> 00:47:27,960
Speaker 1: those times where you know, maybe it is six months,

926
00:47:27,960 --> 00:47:31,080
Speaker 1: a year or two years where there's just maybe not

927
00:47:31,239 --> 00:47:36,120
Speaker 1: much if any of you know, that sort of sexual connection. Um.

928
00:47:36,160 --> 00:47:39,080
Speaker 1: But I would never want a couple to resign to

929
00:47:39,320 --> 00:47:41,000
Speaker 1: just while we're just going to kind of give up

930
00:47:41,000 --> 00:47:42,400
Speaker 1: for the next four years and that's not going to

931
00:47:42,440 --> 00:47:44,520
Speaker 1: be a part of it, because it's not going to

932
00:47:44,680 --> 00:47:46,680
Speaker 1: end well. I mean, I think we all know that.

933
00:47:47,040 --> 00:47:49,000
Speaker 1: And one of the things you said, Chris, I agree with,

934
00:47:49,080 --> 00:47:51,920
Speaker 1: but I would I have a counter for you, which

935
00:47:52,000 --> 00:47:57,640
Speaker 1: is me being completely real, which is you know, you said, look, obviously, uh,

936
00:47:57,840 --> 00:48:02,680
Speaker 1: doctors can dictate inability to have sex for for medical

937
00:48:02,800 --> 00:48:05,200
Speaker 1: reasons and all that, but there are other ways and

938
00:48:05,280 --> 00:48:07,520
Speaker 1: things that you can do. You said that I can

939
00:48:07,560 --> 00:48:09,040
Speaker 1: go to my wife and say, like, look, here's what

940
00:48:09,040 --> 00:48:11,439
Speaker 1: I'm lacking, here's what I need. I know we can't

941
00:48:11,440 --> 00:48:13,719
Speaker 1: have intercourse, but like, here's what I need and what

942
00:48:13,760 --> 00:48:17,759
Speaker 1: I'm missing, And I had that conversation, and we had

943
00:48:17,800 --> 00:48:22,960
Speaker 1: that conversation, and she was completely receptive and like was

944
00:48:23,360 --> 00:48:26,160
Speaker 1: appreciative that I came to her and said that and

945
00:48:26,840 --> 00:48:29,520
Speaker 1: wanted to help and make sure that we connected on

946
00:48:29,560 --> 00:48:34,120
Speaker 1: some level, and the issue became It's like she felt

947
00:48:34,360 --> 00:48:38,440
Speaker 1: this was during pregnancy. She felt so awful that in

948
00:48:38,480 --> 00:48:40,560
Speaker 1: my head, I'm like, you know what, who am I Like,

949
00:48:40,680 --> 00:48:43,839
Speaker 1: I'm gonna while she's feeling like she's gonna puke all day,

950
00:48:43,920 --> 00:48:46,640
Speaker 1: like I'm gonna come say like I have needs. Here

951
00:48:46,680 --> 00:48:49,359
Speaker 1: are my needs, Like you need to help me with

952
00:48:49,400 --> 00:48:52,680
Speaker 1: my needs. It's like I feel like that is a

953
00:48:52,680 --> 00:48:54,960
Speaker 1: pretty selfish thing for me to do. So I'm sitting

954
00:48:54,960 --> 00:48:57,759
Speaker 1: back saying, you know what, dude, screw your needs, Like

955
00:48:58,280 --> 00:49:00,880
Speaker 1: this is a period of time she feels like crap,

956
00:49:01,719 --> 00:49:05,600
Speaker 1: you know, respect that and don't be demanding and asking

957
00:49:05,600 --> 00:49:08,000
Speaker 1: her or laying out your needs like this is not

958
00:49:08,080 --> 00:49:09,879
Speaker 1: your time to do that. I could give you another side.

959
00:49:10,440 --> 00:49:11,680
Speaker 1: I could give you another side on that that it

960
00:49:11,800 --> 00:49:16,879
Speaker 1: might make her feel good to fulfill your needs. I'm

961
00:49:16,920 --> 00:49:19,080
Speaker 1: just throwing that out there. Yeah, and and like we

962
00:49:19,239 --> 00:49:24,359
Speaker 1: had that like that happened, but it also it just

963
00:49:24,480 --> 00:49:29,120
Speaker 1: was like a process of like it felt transactional and

964
00:49:29,480 --> 00:49:33,439
Speaker 1: that she felt so awful that I knew that it

965
00:49:33,480 --> 00:49:36,680
Speaker 1: wasn't like she was like really excited. Well, I could

966
00:49:36,719 --> 00:49:41,120
Speaker 1: give you some other ideas off there, and I think

967
00:49:41,120 --> 00:49:43,880
Speaker 1: to like going to that second level of like sharing

968
00:49:43,880 --> 00:49:46,920
Speaker 1: that other experience of what you might think she's thinking

969
00:49:46,960 --> 00:49:49,600
Speaker 1: through that process and not assuming that you know, but

970
00:49:49,680 --> 00:49:51,879
Speaker 1: sharing it with her and see what she does with

971
00:49:51,880 --> 00:49:55,799
Speaker 1: that additional information. Um. And also like it's not a demand, right,

972
00:49:55,840 --> 00:49:57,680
Speaker 1: it's it's just you're putting it out there from a

973
00:49:57,760 --> 00:50:01,480
Speaker 1: need perspective, but as like adults were actually be willing

974
00:50:01,520 --> 00:50:04,200
Speaker 1: to hear the word though, and sometimes she may say

975
00:50:04,239 --> 00:50:06,800
Speaker 1: I can't do that for you, and then that leads

976
00:50:06,840 --> 00:50:09,400
Speaker 1: obviously to a different type of conversation as far as

977
00:50:09,480 --> 00:50:11,759
Speaker 1: the feelings that come up, and you know, more of

978
00:50:11,760 --> 00:50:14,600
Speaker 1: that vulnerability should come out in those situations so that

979
00:50:14,640 --> 00:50:17,120
Speaker 1: at least again when it's not say the poll, strengthen

980
00:50:17,160 --> 00:50:20,239
Speaker 1: the emotional intimacy. Um, Chris, we only have a couple

981
00:50:20,320 --> 00:50:22,600
Speaker 1: more minutes left with you, but I wanna I wanna

982
00:50:22,719 --> 00:50:25,200
Speaker 1: ask you one almost one final thing. So what I've

983
00:50:25,680 --> 00:50:28,080
Speaker 1: listening to you here, what I've heard you say, and

984
00:50:28,120 --> 00:50:30,799
Speaker 1: it sounds like you're saying communication through this whole thing

985
00:50:30,880 --> 00:50:35,840
Speaker 1: is is paramount. Um. What other things for Ryan and

986
00:50:35,920 --> 00:50:38,160
Speaker 1: for our other listeners that have young kids that are

987
00:50:38,200 --> 00:50:40,680
Speaker 1: going through the same thing. What are some other things

988
00:50:40,719 --> 00:50:43,000
Speaker 1: that you could say you really need to pay some

989
00:50:43,080 --> 00:50:46,600
Speaker 1: attention or some focus on these sort of things individually

990
00:50:46,760 --> 00:50:50,600
Speaker 1: and within your relationship some time apart, some time that

991
00:50:50,640 --> 00:50:54,880
Speaker 1: makes you happy, communication between partners. What other things should

992
00:50:55,040 --> 00:50:58,480
Speaker 1: UH couples be looking at and paying attention to in

993
00:50:58,520 --> 00:51:02,600
Speaker 1: this stage of life. Yeah, I think just really being

994
00:51:02,680 --> 00:51:06,839
Speaker 1: cautious about entrenching ourselves into negative thought patterns. Right, will

995
00:51:06,880 --> 00:51:09,840
Speaker 1: will experience this flood of emotion and that becomes a

996
00:51:09,880 --> 00:51:12,879
Speaker 1: reality that then we dwell, it's sort of lived, and

997
00:51:13,040 --> 00:51:15,880
Speaker 1: you know, emotions aren't static. So try to find ways

998
00:51:15,960 --> 00:51:19,360
Speaker 1: to enjoy fatherhood. Try to find ways to just break

999
00:51:19,400 --> 00:51:21,799
Speaker 1: free with that older child and go to the park

1000
00:51:21,840 --> 00:51:24,400
Speaker 1: for you know, even if it's just ten fifteen minutes,

1001
00:51:24,480 --> 00:51:27,360
Speaker 1: to really focus on building that bob and doing something

1002
00:51:27,360 --> 00:51:30,799
Speaker 1: that's emotionally uplifting with our kids. Um, because I think

1003
00:51:30,840 --> 00:51:33,600
Speaker 1: oftentimes we focus so much on ourselves and our spouse

1004
00:51:33,760 --> 00:51:35,880
Speaker 1: on the stress of it, that we don't leave a

1005
00:51:35,880 --> 00:51:39,000
Speaker 1: whole lot of time for fun um. And then you know,

1006
00:51:39,120 --> 00:51:43,320
Speaker 1: as men engaging other men in their experiences as well,

1007
00:51:43,640 --> 00:51:46,000
Speaker 1: not feeling like we have to pull back and remove

1008
00:51:46,040 --> 00:51:50,160
Speaker 1: ourselves from from just sharing that this is hard and

1009
00:51:50,200 --> 00:51:52,719
Speaker 1: it's overwhelming at times, and there's times where we're just

1010
00:51:53,040 --> 00:51:56,240
Speaker 1: in that dark room modern knees, broken down, asking ourselves

1011
00:51:56,239 --> 00:51:58,360
Speaker 1: like what did we do? How did happened? And that

1012
00:51:58,480 --> 00:52:01,239
Speaker 1: that's okay, Um, but there's no shame in that, And

1013
00:52:01,320 --> 00:52:03,319
Speaker 1: that doesn't mean we're a bad person or a bad

1014
00:52:03,400 --> 00:52:06,680
Speaker 1: dad or a bad husband. Means we're being a good human.

1015
00:52:06,760 --> 00:52:10,320
Speaker 1: That's pretty good women women do that all the time,

1016
00:52:10,440 --> 00:52:12,640
Speaker 1: and men don't do that as much. I don't think, Yeah,

1017
00:52:12,680 --> 00:52:17,080
Speaker 1: men feel on that's wonderful advice. M Yeah, men feel

1018
00:52:17,120 --> 00:52:18,680
Speaker 1: like and I feel like this and I don't even

1019
00:52:18,719 --> 00:52:22,080
Speaker 1: have kids, but that, um, whatever happens in our family,

1020
00:52:22,160 --> 00:52:25,560
Speaker 1: like I feel ultimately responsible for it, which sounds like

1021
00:52:25,680 --> 00:52:28,040
Speaker 1: you like you just bypass on your needs because your

1022
00:52:28,040 --> 00:52:30,640
Speaker 1: wife is not feeling good, so you're like just push it,

1023
00:52:30,760 --> 00:52:32,840
Speaker 1: Like how who am I to ask my wife to

1024
00:52:32,880 --> 00:52:35,719
Speaker 1: make me feel good when she's not feeling good. So

1025
00:52:35,880 --> 00:52:38,200
Speaker 1: I think men in general, and not saying women don't,

1026
00:52:38,200 --> 00:52:41,920
Speaker 1: but men in general have that like they'll sacrifice almost

1027
00:52:42,040 --> 00:52:45,200
Speaker 1: anything and that it all comes, not all, but at

1028
00:52:45,320 --> 00:52:48,480
Speaker 1: at the end of the day, they feel so much. Um,

1029
00:52:50,280 --> 00:52:52,960
Speaker 1: what's the word I'm looking for. Pressure? Is it? Is

1030
00:52:52,960 --> 00:52:56,800
Speaker 1: it pressure or just responsibility to like really really move

1031
00:52:56,920 --> 00:53:02,120
Speaker 1: the family through life, your obligation. I think men feel

1032
00:53:02,160 --> 00:53:05,200
Speaker 1: that is imperative, but I think it's I think it's

1033
00:53:05,280 --> 00:53:07,920
Speaker 1: I think what Chris just said is amazing to say,

1034
00:53:08,000 --> 00:53:12,279
Speaker 1: like like men could admit defeat and be like like

1035
00:53:12,480 --> 00:53:14,880
Speaker 1: I don't know, I'm I'm busted down right now, Like

1036
00:53:14,920 --> 00:53:18,800
Speaker 1: I need help. This is what's going on, um and

1037
00:53:19,120 --> 00:53:21,759
Speaker 1: allow your wife the chance to step into that and

1038
00:53:21,800 --> 00:53:23,919
Speaker 1: support you. And it's something I've done in my own

1039
00:53:23,960 --> 00:53:26,719
Speaker 1: life lately. I've never done this in my life, and

1040
00:53:26,760 --> 00:53:29,799
Speaker 1: probably the last two months there's been times where I've

1041
00:53:30,160 --> 00:53:33,040
Speaker 1: really asked my wife like, hey, I'm really struggling with

1042
00:53:33,080 --> 00:53:36,719
Speaker 1: something right now, and she's really stepped up to the

1043
00:53:36,719 --> 00:53:39,359
Speaker 1: plate and supported me. And it's been it's given me

1044
00:53:39,440 --> 00:53:43,120
Speaker 1: like a hundred times more energy and help me amazingly

1045
00:53:43,200 --> 00:53:44,560
Speaker 1: the rest of the week, the rest of the month,

1046
00:53:44,600 --> 00:53:46,560
Speaker 1: whatever it is. Brian, you need to pay attention to

1047
00:53:46,600 --> 00:53:49,160
Speaker 1: that because Brooks is a man and he's willing to

1048
00:53:49,200 --> 00:53:51,319
Speaker 1: ask for help. You have a real issue asking for

1049
00:53:51,320 --> 00:53:54,360
Speaker 1: people to help you. Yeah, I fell asleep when Brooks

1050
00:53:54,360 --> 00:53:58,160
Speaker 1: was talking about Sorry, but so Chris, we'll let you go.

1051
00:53:58,239 --> 00:54:00,560
Speaker 1: But Ryan doesn't like to ask for help. He doesn't

1052
00:54:00,560 --> 00:54:01,880
Speaker 1: want to let me help, he doesn't want to let

1053
00:54:01,920 --> 00:54:03,879
Speaker 1: Brooks help, he doesn't want to let the neighbors help.

1054
00:54:04,080 --> 00:54:06,239
Speaker 1: He just doesn't want anyone helping because he feels like

1055
00:54:06,239 --> 00:54:09,120
Speaker 1: he owes them something. But I think he's doing himself

1056
00:54:09,120 --> 00:54:13,440
Speaker 1: a real disservice. Yeah, and I get that. I mean

1057
00:54:13,480 --> 00:54:15,520
Speaker 1: I think to some extent, you know, us as men,

1058
00:54:15,600 --> 00:54:17,879
Speaker 1: we all have that at different times, and there's only

1059
00:54:17,920 --> 00:54:19,399
Speaker 1: one way to get through it. And you just got

1060
00:54:19,400 --> 00:54:21,879
Speaker 1: to get over it and move forward and just say, hey,

1061
00:54:22,040 --> 00:54:26,480
Speaker 1: either either I break myself down and wreck myself emotionally

1062
00:54:26,520 --> 00:54:28,799
Speaker 1: and physically through this process, or I do the thing

1063
00:54:28,840 --> 00:54:30,279
Speaker 1: that I know is going to help me, and you

1064
00:54:30,360 --> 00:54:32,800
Speaker 1: kind of have that call out, gut check moments yourself,

1065
00:54:32,880 --> 00:54:35,960
Speaker 1: and then you just move forward and start asking for

1066
00:54:36,040 --> 00:54:38,719
Speaker 1: help and start naming the problems. And you know, not

1067
00:54:38,800 --> 00:54:41,319
Speaker 1: always have to have the solution either. Just naming the

1068
00:54:41,320 --> 00:54:44,520
Speaker 1: problem sometimes can be just that freeing sort of relief

1069
00:54:44,560 --> 00:54:47,879
Speaker 1: from you know, holding onto it. So I know it's hard,

1070
00:54:47,920 --> 00:54:49,480
Speaker 1: but we have to all as men, sup for each

1071
00:54:49,480 --> 00:54:51,879
Speaker 1: other to move in that direction. Well, Chris, I'm gonna

1072
00:54:51,920 --> 00:54:55,080
Speaker 1: take this opportunity to ask you to help babysit. If

1073
00:54:55,120 --> 00:54:57,759
Speaker 1: you we'll give you my address off Fair and Look,

1074
00:54:57,760 --> 00:54:59,520
Speaker 1: it takes a big man to ask for help, but

1075
00:54:59,560 --> 00:55:01,759
Speaker 1: it takes a bigger man to actually offer their help.

1076
00:55:01,840 --> 00:55:05,719
Speaker 1: So thank you in advance for offering. You don't even

1077
00:55:05,760 --> 00:55:11,080
Speaker 1: say offering, you say for babysitting tomorrow tonight. I'll be

1078
00:55:11,160 --> 00:55:17,840
Speaker 1: there in five minutes. Chris, you're the marriages on the line, Um, Chris,

1079
00:55:17,880 --> 00:55:20,359
Speaker 1: you're the man. We appreciate you so much. For our

1080
00:55:20,400 --> 00:55:23,399
Speaker 1: listeners that want to find you, find more about you.

1081
00:55:24,120 --> 00:55:25,799
Speaker 1: Where can they find the book and where can they

1082
00:55:25,840 --> 00:55:29,120
Speaker 1: reach out and connect with you? Yeah, books on Amazon,

1083
00:55:29,200 --> 00:55:31,439
Speaker 1: So you can just do a Google search for back

1084
00:55:31,440 --> 00:55:34,200
Speaker 1: to Basics and it'll pull up. And then my website

1085
00:55:34,239 --> 00:55:36,920
Speaker 1: website is just Chris Taylor m FT dot com and

1086
00:55:36,920 --> 00:55:38,880
Speaker 1: so they can go on there find a lot of

1087
00:55:38,920 --> 00:55:41,960
Speaker 1: asial information about awesome buddy. Thank you very much. I'm

1088
00:55:41,960 --> 00:55:44,239
Speaker 1: gonna keep you on speed dial for when I have

1089
00:55:44,360 --> 00:55:49,040
Speaker 1: kids someday. But I thank you so much for coming

1090
00:55:49,040 --> 00:55:51,120
Speaker 1: online and helping Ryan out here. And then Ryan, I

1091
00:55:51,120 --> 00:55:53,040
Speaker 1: want to dig you more into this this help thing.

1092
00:55:53,160 --> 00:55:55,680
Speaker 1: After the break sounds good. Thanks Chris. All right, thank

1093
00:56:00,040 --> 00:56:02,480
Speaker 1: We talk about it all the time. We're not afraid

1094
00:56:02,520 --> 00:56:06,000
Speaker 1: to discuss our bathroom habits with you guys. I'm I've

1095
00:56:06,000 --> 00:56:08,120
Speaker 1: said before, I'm in there a lot. We're actually in

1096
00:56:08,160 --> 00:56:12,839
Speaker 1: the bathroom right now. This from the bathroom, but right

1097
00:56:12,840 --> 00:56:15,120
Speaker 1: now we're focused on products in the bathroom for men

1098
00:56:15,640 --> 00:56:19,040
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Speaker 1: as coconut oil which is antra anti microbial, shade butter

1102
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Speaker 1: which moisturizes, and tapioca starts which absorbs wetness. And best part,

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1106
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1107
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Speaker 1: And with eight thousand five star reviews, it's the same

1108
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Speaker 1: as our podcast. By the way, eight thousand five star reviews. Uh,

1109
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Speaker 1: that's another good sign. Native comes in a wide variety

1110
00:56:59,040 --> 00:57:01,520
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1116
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Speaker 1: I like the coconut and vanilla. It's Native's most popular scent.

1117
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Speaker 1: My favorite. My wife likes the lavender and rose, cucumber

1118
00:57:28,200 --> 00:57:31,160
Speaker 1: mint and the eucalyptus and mit if I may bricks,

1119
00:57:31,200 --> 00:57:35,240
Speaker 1: I'm wearing the euclostius in mint right now. You smell

1120
00:57:35,440 --> 00:57:37,960
Speaker 1: like four feet away but smells fresh. Over there is

1121
00:57:38,000 --> 00:57:43,880
Speaker 1: the Native soap head To tell. Native has products for men, women,

1122
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Speaker 1: and teens. Off your first purchase, visit Native Deodorant dot

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1125
00:57:56,000 --> 00:58:03,440
Speaker 1: and use promo code h m T. Back from break

1126
00:58:04,200 --> 00:58:06,840
Speaker 1: this This has been This has honestly been one of

1127
00:58:06,840 --> 00:58:10,080
Speaker 1: my favorite podcasts. And Ryan just I think he's turning

1128
00:58:10,120 --> 00:58:14,160
Speaker 1: to a cocktail to survive this. Yeah, I mean I

1129
00:58:14,200 --> 00:58:15,920
Speaker 1: just looked at the clock and I'm like, well, by

1130
00:58:15,960 --> 00:58:19,720
Speaker 1: the time I get home, it's cocktail hour. We should

1131
00:58:19,920 --> 00:58:22,600
Speaker 1: we should have had some like bourbon in here for sory.

1132
00:58:22,680 --> 00:58:27,960
Speaker 1: Do we have any alcohol? Do you want something to drive? Um?

1133
00:58:28,000 --> 00:58:29,560
Speaker 1: I want to. I want to. I want to unpack

1134
00:58:29,640 --> 00:58:31,640
Speaker 1: this story a little more. Buddy, thank you. I can

1135
00:58:31,720 --> 00:58:34,960
Speaker 1: acknowledge you enough and say thank you for opening up,

1136
00:58:35,000 --> 00:58:37,320
Speaker 1: because I think a lot of people in our community

1137
00:58:37,680 --> 00:58:40,960
Speaker 1: can resonate with and and they maybe hide their feeling

1138
00:58:40,960 --> 00:58:42,959
Speaker 1: and say, oh, having kids is great, it's great, it's great.

1139
00:58:43,200 --> 00:58:46,520
Speaker 1: Here's the raw and reel behind having a kid. And

1140
00:58:46,560 --> 00:58:48,240
Speaker 1: that was the purpose of this show. When we started out,

1141
00:58:48,240 --> 00:58:51,320
Speaker 1: we said we're gonna be raw, authentic, organic, genuine, and

1142
00:58:51,360 --> 00:58:56,440
Speaker 1: you're giving absolutely vulnerable, sharing open in your heart to

1143
00:58:56,480 --> 00:58:58,960
Speaker 1: our community and hopes that this helps serve the community.

1144
00:58:58,960 --> 00:59:01,000
Speaker 1: So I just want to acknowledg you again, Buddy. I

1145
00:59:01,040 --> 00:59:05,640
Speaker 1: would just say, you feel guilty when you when you

1146
00:59:05,800 --> 00:59:09,680
Speaker 1: are vocally discussing how miserable you are for something that

1147
00:59:09,720 --> 00:59:13,720
Speaker 1: you fought so hard to get, which is a is

1148
00:59:13,880 --> 00:59:17,600
Speaker 1: a first and a second kid going shelling out tons

1149
00:59:17,600 --> 00:59:20,760
Speaker 1: of money, putting my wife's body through everything. It's you

1150
00:59:20,800 --> 00:59:23,960
Speaker 1: feel guilty being like I'm miserable. It's like you you

1151
00:59:24,000 --> 00:59:25,640
Speaker 1: know what you went through to get to this point,

1152
00:59:25,680 --> 00:59:27,680
Speaker 1: like this is everything you wanted, Like shut up in

1153
00:59:27,800 --> 00:59:30,280
Speaker 1: such a life, you work your ass off to get

1154
00:59:30,280 --> 00:59:34,040
Speaker 1: the job, you want to complain about it, that's okay. Um. Also,

1155
00:59:34,080 --> 00:59:36,160
Speaker 1: I want to touch on what you said about how

1156
00:59:36,240 --> 00:59:38,760
Speaker 1: it's been like a year long sort of journey of

1157
00:59:39,200 --> 00:59:43,120
Speaker 1: a leading toward a loss of intimacy because the IVF thing,

1158
00:59:43,120 --> 00:59:44,800
Speaker 1: my wife and I have been through it, and it's

1159
00:59:44,840 --> 00:59:47,520
Speaker 1: not like IVF just ends after two weeks or whatever

1160
00:59:47,560 --> 00:59:49,480
Speaker 1: and then oh boom, hey we're right back to it,

1161
00:59:49,640 --> 00:59:53,200
Speaker 1: Like there is a couple of months hangover from that

1162
00:59:53,320 --> 00:59:57,760
Speaker 1: where she still doesn't feel good, like it's it doesn't

1163
00:59:57,760 --> 00:59:59,800
Speaker 1: just end and okay, life is back to normal, Like

1164
01:00:00,000 --> 01:00:03,200
Speaker 1: there is a drawn out period and then if you're pregnant,

1165
01:00:03,240 --> 01:00:05,560
Speaker 1: you go right into that, you know, and then it

1166
01:00:05,640 --> 01:00:09,000
Speaker 1: just it gets it compounds and compounds and compounds. So

1167
01:00:09,240 --> 01:00:11,760
Speaker 1: I think that's super important as well, what you mentioned,

1168
01:00:11,760 --> 01:00:14,560
Speaker 1: and just to to empathize with you as well, like

1169
01:00:14,720 --> 01:00:16,440
Speaker 1: I know what we went through, but we didn't get

1170
01:00:16,480 --> 01:00:19,360
Speaker 1: pregnant coming out of it. But um, but so are

1171
01:00:19,400 --> 01:00:22,600
Speaker 1: you acknowledging that that you had a similar experience with

1172
01:00:22,640 --> 01:00:26,880
Speaker 1: respect to your what is now a very vibrant sex

1173
01:00:26,920 --> 01:00:29,400
Speaker 1: life that you have. Was that impact He doesn't have

1174
01:00:29,400 --> 01:00:31,960
Speaker 1: a perfect sex life. You tell him no, but like

1175
01:00:32,280 --> 01:00:35,160
Speaker 1: I'm curious he doesn't. He does now, but he didn't.

1176
01:00:37,400 --> 01:00:39,200
Speaker 1: We're going to talk about it more next week. We'll

1177
01:00:39,200 --> 01:00:41,880
Speaker 1: give him a little tar Okay, I'm an extremely happy man,

1178
01:00:42,000 --> 01:00:44,959
Speaker 1: I'll say that, but yes, I will say at that time, yeah,

1179
01:00:44,960 --> 01:00:46,680
Speaker 1: there was that was new to me too. I've never

1180
01:00:46,720 --> 01:00:49,080
Speaker 1: been through IVF. You know, we both of us, we

1181
01:00:49,160 --> 01:00:54,440
Speaker 1: had no idea what to expect. It's it's amazingly difficult

1182
01:00:54,840 --> 01:00:57,360
Speaker 1: on my wife's body and what she's going through. And

1183
01:00:57,400 --> 01:01:00,240
Speaker 1: at the same time, you know, you do as a man,

1184
01:01:00,360 --> 01:01:03,600
Speaker 1: you you do still want to sexually connect. But I'm like, like,

1185
01:01:03,680 --> 01:01:07,000
Speaker 1: she just feels terrible, Like let me just like get

1186
01:01:07,120 --> 01:01:09,480
Speaker 1: like thank you get yeah, I I. And then it

1187
01:01:09,840 --> 01:01:12,640
Speaker 1: carries on for months after that. Yeah, and it's difficult,

1188
01:01:12,640 --> 01:01:15,760
Speaker 1: and then we had to work to like rediscover and

1189
01:01:15,760 --> 01:01:17,760
Speaker 1: and get our sex life to be back as a

1190
01:01:17,840 --> 01:01:20,120
Speaker 1: vibrant part of our relationship. But that is helpful for

1191
01:01:20,160 --> 01:01:23,560
Speaker 1: me to hear, because you know, it's easy in theory

1192
01:01:23,600 --> 01:01:25,600
Speaker 1: to say like, oh, no, you just I have I

1193
01:01:25,680 --> 01:01:28,680
Speaker 1: have needs, Like no, you feel like crap, like screw

1194
01:01:28,720 --> 01:01:31,200
Speaker 1: my needs, like I'm here for you, right, that's kind

1195
01:01:31,200 --> 01:01:32,840
Speaker 1: of what you did too. It's because you love your

1196
01:01:32,880 --> 01:01:35,520
Speaker 1: wife and I love my wife too, so you're you're like,

1197
01:01:35,560 --> 01:01:37,480
Speaker 1: as a guy, I'll just yeah, what do you need?

1198
01:01:37,560 --> 01:01:44,320
Speaker 1: Like I will table anything that correct. But women are

1199
01:01:44,360 --> 01:01:47,040
Speaker 1: like that too, so there are times when they might

1200
01:01:47,560 --> 01:01:52,040
Speaker 1: get a lot of pleasure out of giving pleasure. Yeah. Yeah,

1201
01:01:52,480 --> 01:01:55,640
Speaker 1: at some point somebody has to make a first move

1202
01:01:55,720 --> 01:01:58,720
Speaker 1: back into the space, you know, and and that's a

1203
01:01:58,760 --> 01:02:00,840
Speaker 1: soft little dance that you figure you're out. But yeah,

1204
01:02:00,920 --> 01:02:03,920
Speaker 1: we did have a similar trajectory, and anybody else that's

1205
01:02:03,960 --> 01:02:05,560
Speaker 1: been through I v F I would bet probably has

1206
01:02:05,600 --> 01:02:08,720
Speaker 1: because it's not like you just do that, Okay, fourteen days, boom,

1207
01:02:08,760 --> 01:02:10,680
Speaker 1: here we go, we're back at it. It just doesn't

1208
01:02:10,680 --> 01:02:13,280
Speaker 1: go that way. It didn't for us anyway. UM. So

1209
01:02:13,320 --> 01:02:17,080
Speaker 1: I want to dig into something, um, which is this

1210
01:02:17,200 --> 01:02:20,200
Speaker 1: question for you? And and deeper than just like the

1211
01:02:20,240 --> 01:02:24,920
Speaker 1: surface answer, like what is it? Why is it that

1212
01:02:25,000 --> 01:02:31,360
Speaker 1: you are unable to receive help? Like really, what is it?

1213
01:02:33,360 --> 01:02:38,600
Speaker 1: It's a good question. I I mean, look first and foremost,

1214
01:02:38,640 --> 01:02:42,200
Speaker 1: I would say, maybe this is a cop out because

1215
01:02:42,360 --> 01:02:45,400
Speaker 1: I don't have family here, like I think it's easier

1216
01:02:45,440 --> 01:02:49,400
Speaker 1: to accept help from a family member because they are

1217
01:02:49,440 --> 01:02:51,880
Speaker 1: your blood. They are your family. That is what family

1218
01:02:51,960 --> 01:02:53,920
Speaker 1: is for. And yes, your arguments could be, but that's

1219
01:02:53,920 --> 01:02:57,840
Speaker 1: what friends are for. A second, Yeah, so like family,

1220
01:02:57,880 --> 01:03:00,400
Speaker 1: because I don't really have family, neither my wife Nora

1221
01:03:00,560 --> 01:03:04,120
Speaker 1: have family in Los Angeles, we now don't have that

1222
01:03:04,160 --> 01:03:06,880
Speaker 1: ability to just say, hey Mom, hey dad, can you

1223
01:03:06,920 --> 01:03:09,320
Speaker 1: just come over while we go out, like that's at

1224
01:03:09,360 --> 01:03:13,320
Speaker 1: the window. And so then you're left with friends, many

1225
01:03:13,360 --> 01:03:17,760
Speaker 1: of whom almost all of whom have their own kids. Right, So,

1226
01:03:17,800 --> 01:03:23,280
Speaker 1: like the grandparent thing is great because they they're retired

1227
01:03:23,440 --> 01:03:25,840
Speaker 1: and like their grandkids are their lives and they have

1228
01:03:26,000 --> 01:03:29,280
Speaker 1: nothing to do or don't want to do anything but

1229
01:03:29,680 --> 01:03:32,320
Speaker 1: help out and be with their grandkids. Like it's a

1230
01:03:33,200 --> 01:03:35,400
Speaker 1: it's killing two birds of one stone because this is

1231
01:03:35,440 --> 01:03:37,560
Speaker 1: exactly what they want, spending time with their grandkids, and

1232
01:03:37,600 --> 01:03:40,320
Speaker 1: like they're also helping you in the process, whereas a

1233
01:03:40,360 --> 01:03:44,320
Speaker 1: friend would be kind of being put out by offering

1234
01:03:44,320 --> 01:03:46,680
Speaker 1: their help and having to now take on an additional

1235
01:03:46,720 --> 01:03:50,360
Speaker 1: burden when they have their own work life balance that

1236
01:03:50,400 --> 01:03:52,400
Speaker 1: they're trying to juggle. So I think that's the biggest

1237
01:03:52,520 --> 01:03:54,960
Speaker 1: reason why but what But what if they're actually like

1238
01:03:55,000 --> 01:03:57,320
Speaker 1: in a really good spot where they're like, yeah, life

1239
01:03:57,400 --> 01:03:59,920
Speaker 1: is great, man, Oh you're struggling. I've buddy, I've been

1240
01:04:00,000 --> 01:04:02,000
Speaker 1: in there. I know what you're going through. How can

1241
01:04:02,040 --> 01:04:04,000
Speaker 1: I help? I told you I wanted to send dinner over.

1242
01:04:04,320 --> 01:04:09,760
Speaker 1: I meant it, and you're like ignored me. Yeah, so

1243
01:04:09,800 --> 01:04:12,640
Speaker 1: I don't know what to say. And Brooks offered help

1244
01:04:12,640 --> 01:04:15,320
Speaker 1: and you ignored it. I think I told him to

1245
01:04:15,360 --> 01:04:21,520
Speaker 1: send flowers to the strip throughout awareness fun staff. I

1246
01:04:21,520 --> 01:04:23,680
Speaker 1: think it's fair what you're saying about the family because

1247
01:04:23,680 --> 01:04:26,640
Speaker 1: it is much easier. But I do think it's only

1248
01:04:26,680 --> 01:04:28,840
Speaker 1: two more months that it's going to be like horrendous,

1249
01:04:28,880 --> 01:04:31,800
Speaker 1: So why don't you let everyone help? You know, Like, look,

1250
01:04:31,960 --> 01:04:33,960
Speaker 1: we've had a few people that have sent food and

1251
01:04:34,000 --> 01:04:36,280
Speaker 1: that was really nice. But like, if I'm being honest,

1252
01:04:36,320 --> 01:04:41,480
Speaker 1: like the food thing is really nice and generous and appreciated,

1253
01:04:41,600 --> 01:04:46,320
Speaker 1: but like I'm also that that's you're giving me money

1254
01:04:46,360 --> 01:04:49,880
Speaker 1: basically because like I have, I have Postmates and Uber

1255
01:04:49,880 --> 01:04:51,840
Speaker 1: Eats and everyone this could be home cooked too, and

1256
01:04:51,840 --> 01:04:53,760
Speaker 1: then you have leftovers and the whole thing. We're not

1257
01:04:53,920 --> 01:04:58,760
Speaker 1: sending over Chipotle, although to Chippotle is delicious. I've been

1258
01:04:58,760 --> 01:05:01,400
Speaker 1: getting it every Sunday. It's pretty amazing. But I think

1259
01:05:01,400 --> 01:05:04,840
Speaker 1: you need to let Chicken come over and help with

1260
01:05:04,880 --> 01:05:07,360
Speaker 1: the kids. With the watching of the kids and the

1261
01:05:07,440 --> 01:05:10,800
Speaker 1: taking the kids. Yeah, here's a deal. When you have

1262
01:05:10,880 --> 01:05:13,200
Speaker 1: a five week old, like you can't really leave. You

1263
01:05:13,240 --> 01:05:15,360
Speaker 1: can't leave because you need to be breastfeeding the kid

1264
01:05:15,400 --> 01:05:19,040
Speaker 1: every hour or so. Yes, like but but so you're

1265
01:05:19,080 --> 01:05:23,600
Speaker 1: never You're always going to have that baby there, and

1266
01:05:23,680 --> 01:05:26,840
Speaker 1: that's fine, Like I guess, but I guess did you

1267
01:05:26,880 --> 01:05:29,520
Speaker 1: see how I said? I guess I'm just saying it's

1268
01:05:29,560 --> 01:05:31,720
Speaker 1: like it's great and there, No, we'll come watch the kids. No,

1269
01:05:31,800 --> 01:05:33,520
Speaker 1: you can watch one of the kids, but one is

1270
01:05:33,520 --> 01:05:38,600
Speaker 1: better than zero. Yeah, I guess you even said it.

1271
01:05:38,680 --> 01:05:41,240
Speaker 1: Like two weeks from now, your father in law's flying

1272
01:05:41,280 --> 01:05:43,760
Speaker 1: in and you're so looking forward to just having one,

1273
01:05:44,120 --> 01:05:46,160
Speaker 1: like even just that mental boot and we're because we're

1274
01:05:46,160 --> 01:05:47,920
Speaker 1: getting out of town to we're gonna stay in a

1275
01:05:47,920 --> 01:05:52,360
Speaker 1: hotel and like just like it'll yeah, we're gonna watch

1276
01:05:52,440 --> 01:05:55,240
Speaker 1: movies and it'll be just a change of scenery, just

1277
01:05:56,160 --> 01:06:01,800
Speaker 1: stuff that if the mood strikes. Amy. Wait, I have

1278
01:06:01,800 --> 01:06:04,120
Speaker 1: an idea. Can people call. Can you give the number

1279
01:06:04,160 --> 01:06:08,440
Speaker 1: easton so people can call that have been there and

1280
01:06:08,600 --> 01:06:11,360
Speaker 1: maybe their little secrets or tips that we don't know,

1281
01:06:11,800 --> 01:06:13,520
Speaker 1: or they can always email us at men at i

1282
01:06:13,600 --> 01:06:16,280
Speaker 1: heeart radio dot com. That's what Eastern We give the number.

1283
01:06:18,080 --> 01:06:20,080
Speaker 1: Take your time, east is there. I'm going to give

1284
01:06:20,120 --> 01:06:24,920
Speaker 1: Gavin cell just in case. M Is there anything else

1285
01:06:24,960 --> 01:06:28,160
Speaker 1: going on Ryan that we don't know? Like you unpacked

1286
01:06:28,160 --> 01:06:30,560
Speaker 1: almost everything for us, but is there anything else that

1287
01:06:30,600 --> 01:06:32,480
Speaker 1: we don't know? You have a few hours or are

1288
01:06:32,520 --> 01:06:36,360
Speaker 1: we on time? That time tells what he might be

1289
01:06:36,360 --> 01:06:39,160
Speaker 1: able to help with this. Yeah, I'll I'll launch and

1290
01:06:39,200 --> 01:06:40,919
Speaker 1: do exactly what I know Amy wants me to launch

1291
01:06:40,920 --> 01:06:44,600
Speaker 1: and do, which is we have a twelve year old

1292
01:06:44,800 --> 01:06:49,560
Speaker 1: Yorky Yorkshire Terrier named Gus that we've had forever. My

1293
01:06:49,600 --> 01:06:53,280
Speaker 1: wife had Gus when I met her. Gus had an

1294
01:06:53,280 --> 01:06:56,440
Speaker 1: incredible life when he was an only child quote unquote.

1295
01:06:56,960 --> 01:06:59,680
Speaker 1: Then the two year old came into the world not

1296
01:06:59,760 --> 01:07:01,880
Speaker 1: as a two year old, but as a newborn. Uh.

1297
01:07:01,920 --> 01:07:05,520
Speaker 1: But but with the first kid came less attention for Gus,

1298
01:07:06,440 --> 01:07:10,480
Speaker 1: less walks, less petting, less everything. And you're a dog guy,

1299
01:07:10,520 --> 01:07:12,240
Speaker 1: so I'm dying to hear what you think about all this.

1300
01:07:12,400 --> 01:07:14,960
Speaker 1: By the way, happy belated to your old birthday, Dakota,

1301
01:07:15,040 --> 01:07:17,800
Speaker 1: thanks buddy following your Insta stories. Nice to have a

1302
01:07:17,800 --> 01:07:24,000
Speaker 1: break from the workouts. Uh. And so then the newborn

1303
01:07:24,080 --> 01:07:28,520
Speaker 1: comes and Gus becomes even more territorial than he was before,

1304
01:07:28,600 --> 01:07:33,600
Speaker 1: where like he is now fighting almost literally for affection

1305
01:07:33,680 --> 01:07:37,400
Speaker 1: and like it sees these two babies, a toddler and

1306
01:07:37,440 --> 01:07:42,000
Speaker 1: a baby as threats to his livelihood and his attention,

1307
01:07:42,040 --> 01:07:45,600
Speaker 1: and so he his life has suffered. And we basically

1308
01:07:45,640 --> 01:07:47,800
Speaker 1: had this come to Jesus moment the other like a

1309
01:07:47,880 --> 01:07:50,160
Speaker 1: month ago. We're like, you know what, this is not

1310
01:07:50,320 --> 01:07:53,560
Speaker 1: fair to us, Like we don't it's something we don't

1311
01:07:53,600 --> 01:07:56,000
Speaker 1: love him anymore, but we just don't have the bandwidth

1312
01:07:56,000 --> 01:07:59,520
Speaker 1: two be dealing with two kids and also giving him

1313
01:07:59,560 --> 01:08:01,960
Speaker 1: the infection and the attention and the walks and all

1314
01:08:02,000 --> 01:08:04,200
Speaker 1: the things that he used to be accustomed to. So

1315
01:08:05,240 --> 01:08:09,000
Speaker 1: we had what some friends have dubbed to be a

1316
01:08:09,120 --> 01:08:12,240
Speaker 1: very selfish moment, where I would argue it's a selfless moment,

1317
01:08:12,600 --> 01:08:15,520
Speaker 1: and that we we went onto an adoption site to

1318
01:08:15,560 --> 01:08:18,479
Speaker 1: try to find a new home for Gus when he's

1319
01:08:18,479 --> 01:08:21,439
Speaker 1: lived with us for twelve years. Found a woman who

1320
01:08:21,479 --> 01:08:25,840
Speaker 1: lost her husband three years ago, who is seeking companionship.

1321
01:08:25,960 --> 01:08:29,360
Speaker 1: She's lonely, like she saw his photos online, fell in

1322
01:08:29,439 --> 01:08:33,000
Speaker 1: love with him, made her background on her iPhone his

1323
01:08:33,200 --> 01:08:36,200
Speaker 1: photo the minute she saw it before she even contacted us,

1324
01:08:36,240 --> 01:08:39,599
Speaker 1: which was a little weird in retrospect. Uh So, so

1325
01:08:39,680 --> 01:08:42,360
Speaker 1: we interview her over the phone, and she's like asking

1326
01:08:42,360 --> 01:08:45,240
Speaker 1: all the right questions. She's just like, doesn't have kids,

1327
01:08:45,280 --> 01:08:46,920
Speaker 1: can just be one on one with him. We're like,

1328
01:08:46,920 --> 01:08:48,840
Speaker 1: you know what, this is perfect. She drives an hour

1329
01:08:48,920 --> 01:08:52,639
Speaker 1: away to come see. As we meet her, we're like, okay, yeah,

1330
01:08:52,680 --> 01:08:55,479
Speaker 1: we're gonna give you Gus. We give her Gusts, the bed,

1331
01:08:55,640 --> 01:08:59,360
Speaker 1: the food, everything. She goes home and for the past month,

1332
01:08:59,439 --> 01:09:01,719
Speaker 1: Gus has been living with her and she's texting us saying,

1333
01:09:01,720 --> 01:09:05,040
Speaker 1: oh my god, he's everything I've wanted in my life.

1334
01:09:05,040 --> 01:09:07,960
Speaker 1: He's so amazing, Like he sleeps with me, you know,

1335
01:09:08,080 --> 01:09:11,799
Speaker 1: all these things. Until last weekend. Last week on Friday,

1336
01:09:12,560 --> 01:09:15,000
Speaker 1: my wife gets a voicemail and this woman is like

1337
01:09:15,040 --> 01:09:18,439
Speaker 1: seventy years old, like the most mild mannered, like polite person,

1338
01:09:18,479 --> 01:09:23,480
Speaker 1: and she is aggressive on the voicemail and says, Gus

1339
01:09:23,520 --> 01:09:26,120
Speaker 1: has turned on me. I don't know what has gotten

1340
01:09:26,120 --> 01:09:29,800
Speaker 1: into him, but he nipped at my friend and he

1341
01:09:29,920 --> 01:09:32,800
Speaker 1: does not like strangers, and he mouthed me, and I'm like,

1342
01:09:32,800 --> 01:09:37,160
Speaker 1: what he mouthed you stuff? Yeah, like at least one

1343
01:09:37,160 --> 01:09:41,679
Speaker 1: of us is doing mouth stuff, and so I'm like okay,

1344
01:09:41,880 --> 01:09:44,000
Speaker 1: and so she calls us, and it's like I need

1345
01:09:44,040 --> 01:09:46,479
Speaker 1: to drop him off. I cannot deal with this stress,

1346
01:09:46,520 --> 01:09:49,479
Speaker 1: like I'm done with Gus. And we had like finally

1347
01:09:49,520 --> 01:09:53,160
Speaker 1: turned the page where Gus brought a lot of stress

1348
01:09:53,160 --> 01:09:55,400
Speaker 1: in our life too, because a or two year old

1349
01:09:55,439 --> 01:09:57,240
Speaker 1: was chasing him around and like hitting him with like

1350
01:09:57,360 --> 01:10:01,160
Speaker 1: plastic golf clubs, and he was miserable, quite frankly. And

1351
01:10:01,200 --> 01:10:04,559
Speaker 1: then he like, when the two year old will go down,

1352
01:10:04,600 --> 01:10:06,519
Speaker 1: then there to be a ups guy outside, and Gus

1353
01:10:06,560 --> 01:10:08,160
Speaker 1: would bark and wake the two year old up. Like

1354
01:10:08,160 --> 01:10:10,920
Speaker 1: I'm ready to lose my freaking mind with Gus. No

1355
01:10:11,000 --> 01:10:14,240
Speaker 1: offense Gusts. So finally we get rid of Guss, and

1356
01:10:14,280 --> 01:10:16,800
Speaker 1: it's like he's off to greener pastures with this seven

1357
01:10:16,840 --> 01:10:19,160
Speaker 1: year old woman who's like filled the void of her

1358
01:10:19,200 --> 01:10:22,280
Speaker 1: dead husband. And now all of a sudden, the tides

1359
01:10:22,320 --> 01:10:24,840
Speaker 1: turning Gusts is coming back and on Saturday, I greet

1360
01:10:24,960 --> 01:10:27,679
Speaker 1: this freaking woman out at the curb because I don't

1361
01:10:27,680 --> 01:10:29,320
Speaker 1: want her back in my house because I'm so piste

1362
01:10:29,360 --> 01:10:32,320
Speaker 1: off at her. And she's like here he is like,

1363
01:10:32,840 --> 01:10:35,479
Speaker 1: this is really upsetting for me, and I'm like, yeah, okay,

1364
01:10:35,520 --> 01:10:37,759
Speaker 1: where's the bed and the trunk. Just pop the trunk.

1365
01:10:38,040 --> 01:10:40,360
Speaker 1: I can carry the trunk the bed in. No, no, no,

1366
01:10:40,439 --> 01:10:43,040
Speaker 1: I got it. Well, this is really upsetting for me.

1367
01:10:43,280 --> 01:10:44,800
Speaker 1: And I told my wife, I'm like, you know what,

1368
01:10:45,160 --> 01:10:46,960
Speaker 1: I'm gonna tell her. This is right before I walked

1369
01:10:46,960 --> 01:10:49,200
Speaker 1: out side. I said, I'm gonna tell her. Oh, I,

1370
01:10:49,520 --> 01:10:52,160
Speaker 1: I'm so sorry that he attacked your friend and mouth

1371
01:10:52,280 --> 01:10:55,840
Speaker 1: qu um. In light of the fact that he's been

1372
01:10:55,920 --> 01:10:58,960
Speaker 1: so vicious towards you and your friend, I've arranged for

1373
01:10:59,040 --> 01:11:02,360
Speaker 1: him to be put down to And my wife was

1374
01:11:02,400 --> 01:11:04,640
Speaker 1: like lost her mind on me, like I will not

1375
01:11:04,680 --> 01:11:09,520
Speaker 1: talk to you the rest of the weekend. Are you serious?

1376
01:11:09,560 --> 01:11:11,519
Speaker 1: And I'm like no, like she I want her to

1377
01:11:11,560 --> 01:11:13,920
Speaker 1: have to live with the fact that she believes I'm

1378
01:11:13,920 --> 01:11:15,439
Speaker 1: not gonna get him put down, but I want her

1379
01:11:15,520 --> 01:11:19,280
Speaker 1: driving back an hour to Palm Dale thinking because of me,

1380
01:11:19,840 --> 01:11:22,200
Speaker 1: I this dog has now lost his life. I want

1381
01:11:22,200 --> 01:11:23,960
Speaker 1: her to live with that. I did not do so

1382
01:11:24,120 --> 01:11:27,960
Speaker 1: to preserve my marriage, but I wanted to, and instead

1383
01:11:28,000 --> 01:11:30,000
Speaker 1: I gave her the cold shoulder. I took us, I

1384
01:11:30,040 --> 01:11:32,599
Speaker 1: took the bed, I walked inside. And now he's back

1385
01:11:32,640 --> 01:11:35,800
Speaker 1: at home barking at the goddamn ups driver. Can we

1386
01:11:35,800 --> 01:11:39,240
Speaker 1: get the therapist back on the line, producer Tory? Can

1387
01:11:39,280 --> 01:11:41,960
Speaker 1: you take Gus? And my wife can't breastfeed on the

1388
01:11:42,000 --> 01:11:44,720
Speaker 1: couch because he's jumping up on her and we're and

1389
01:11:45,120 --> 01:11:47,720
Speaker 1: you're gonna keep Gus Now? Has a woman? Has a

1390
01:11:47,760 --> 01:11:49,960
Speaker 1: woman reached back out and said, hey, I'm sorry I

1391
01:11:50,000 --> 01:11:52,600
Speaker 1: was wrong. I want Gus back. No, she hasn't. She

1392
01:11:52,680 --> 01:11:54,920
Speaker 1: was probably scarred by the way I treated her curbside.

1393
01:11:54,960 --> 01:11:57,720
Speaker 1: But fine, So now I'm back to this this like

1394
01:11:57,760 --> 01:12:00,840
Speaker 1: adoption site where I'm reviewing. Don't have any friends that

1395
01:12:00,880 --> 01:12:04,320
Speaker 1: could take us. Well, here's the thing. A friend this

1396
01:12:04,400 --> 01:12:07,320
Speaker 1: weekend says, I tell him the story. He's like, this

1397
01:12:07,360 --> 01:12:09,960
Speaker 1: is unreal. He's like, his wife comes, He's like, tell

1398
01:12:10,040 --> 01:12:13,840
Speaker 1: Steph the story. I tell the story. Steph. This morning,

1399
01:12:13,840 --> 01:12:15,360
Speaker 1: I get a call in the way and he's like,

1400
01:12:15,360 --> 01:12:18,240
Speaker 1: you're not gonna believe this. Like they have three kids.

1401
01:12:18,640 --> 01:12:20,840
Speaker 1: He's like we promised them that we would get them

1402
01:12:20,840 --> 01:12:22,439
Speaker 1: a dog if they got good grades on their report

1403
01:12:22,479 --> 01:12:25,519
Speaker 1: card they have. Steph keeps talking about how she wants

1404
01:12:25,560 --> 01:12:27,120
Speaker 1: to get Gus. We weren't going to go buy a

1405
01:12:27,160 --> 01:12:29,560
Speaker 1: dog from a breeder, like we if we're gonna do it,

1406
01:12:29,560 --> 01:12:32,439
Speaker 1: we're gonna adopt. But like Gus is like a good dog,

1407
01:12:32,560 --> 01:12:35,639
Speaker 1: like I know you, I trust you, Like are you

1408
01:12:35,760 --> 01:12:37,880
Speaker 1: like what do you think? He's like? I don't know

1409
01:12:38,439 --> 01:12:40,479
Speaker 1: if I really want this to happen, but like the

1410
01:12:40,600 --> 01:12:43,760
Speaker 1: kids do, like do you think that's the universe? Give him?

1411
01:12:44,000 --> 01:12:45,800
Speaker 1: So he goes. But I would just ask, like if

1412
01:12:45,800 --> 01:12:48,040
Speaker 1: we have to go away for vacation this summer or

1413
01:12:48,080 --> 01:12:51,200
Speaker 1: this or that, you would take us? And I'm like, yes,

1414
01:12:52,479 --> 01:12:56,000
Speaker 1: here's the deal. Don't want a family that has kids

1415
01:12:56,040 --> 01:12:58,400
Speaker 1: because he can be like we don't. I don't know

1416
01:12:58,439 --> 01:13:00,400
Speaker 1: how he's gonna be, And I don't want to live

1417
01:13:00,439 --> 01:13:04,479
Speaker 1: with like another person that three weeks from now calls me,

1418
01:13:04,520 --> 01:13:08,120
Speaker 1: It's like, yeah, I didn't. I've create problems that aren't there.

1419
01:13:08,720 --> 01:13:11,559
Speaker 1: You totally create problems that aren't yet real. I would

1420
01:13:11,680 --> 01:13:14,960
Speaker 1: rather find a single person who is going to devote

1421
01:13:14,960 --> 01:13:18,920
Speaker 1: their life another person I have twenty five applications that

1422
01:13:18,960 --> 01:13:22,360
Speaker 1: I'm sorting through as a second full time job with

1423
01:13:22,640 --> 01:13:26,360
Speaker 1: like all these people asking me is a non hypoologenic

1424
01:13:26,360 --> 01:13:29,080
Speaker 1: and also so let me let me acknowledge you again.

1425
01:13:29,360 --> 01:13:34,680
Speaker 1: So one, my heart breaks that you are at the

1426
01:13:34,680 --> 01:13:36,479
Speaker 1: point where you need to give us away because I

1427
01:13:36,479 --> 01:13:39,840
Speaker 1: know how much dogs mean to families, So that like,

1428
01:13:40,320 --> 01:13:42,559
Speaker 1: that's not an easy decision for anybody listening to things

1429
01:13:42,640 --> 01:13:44,639
Speaker 1: Ryan his wife just give this dog away. No, that's

1430
01:13:44,680 --> 01:13:48,880
Speaker 1: not how it happens. It's it actually brings validation to

1431
01:13:48,920 --> 01:13:51,679
Speaker 1: how much you guys are going through at the moment

1432
01:13:51,720 --> 01:13:55,160
Speaker 1: that you would even consider that and go through with that. Um.

1433
01:13:55,240 --> 01:13:57,080
Speaker 1: And I also love that you said, like you want

1434
01:13:57,080 --> 01:13:59,599
Speaker 1: to find one person that's going to dedicate their life

1435
01:13:59,640 --> 01:14:01,960
Speaker 1: sole to him. That just means that you love the

1436
01:14:02,040 --> 01:14:06,360
Speaker 1: dog so much, but you have it's a friend somebody

1437
01:14:06,360 --> 01:14:08,960
Speaker 1: that you trust who has three kids that really want

1438
01:14:09,040 --> 01:14:11,840
Speaker 1: this dog. I mean that could be amazing for Gusts

1439
01:14:11,920 --> 01:14:14,400
Speaker 1: and amazing for these kids. I said to him, I'm like,

1440
01:14:14,479 --> 01:14:16,920
Speaker 1: let me give you an analogy. This is like if

1441
01:14:16,960 --> 01:14:20,840
Speaker 1: I if you bought my car off me. The whole

1442
01:14:20,840 --> 01:14:22,559
Speaker 1: time you're driving it, You're like, yeah, no, the car

1443
01:14:22,600 --> 01:14:25,719
Speaker 1: looks great. I trust you you're great. Three months maybe

1444
01:14:25,760 --> 01:14:29,599
Speaker 1: six months from now, car needs a new air filter

1445
01:14:30,040 --> 01:14:34,599
Speaker 1: and needs a new catalytic converter. You're calling me being like, dude,

1446
01:14:34,680 --> 01:14:37,000
Speaker 1: the car you sold me needs a new catalytic convert

1447
01:14:37,040 --> 01:14:40,880
Speaker 1: I'm like, look, Gus needs teeth extractions. He's a Yorki.

1448
01:14:41,000 --> 01:14:43,560
Speaker 1: They have teeth issues. He's had extractions. That's gonna be

1449
01:14:43,560 --> 01:14:45,760
Speaker 1: an issue. He's also twelve years old. Like you may

1450
01:14:45,800 --> 01:14:48,479
Speaker 1: get three four years out of him. But like, while

1451
01:14:48,520 --> 01:14:51,160
Speaker 1: he's been in perfect health up until now, as is

1452
01:14:51,200 --> 01:14:53,000
Speaker 1: the case with human beings, you're gonna start to see

1453
01:14:53,040 --> 01:14:55,880
Speaker 1: more ailments in his later years in life. And if

1454
01:14:55,920 --> 01:15:00,680
Speaker 1: you're gonna be upset with me, that discussion, actually have

1455
01:15:00,720 --> 01:15:02,880
Speaker 1: that discussion laid out. This is what you're taking on

1456
01:15:02,920 --> 01:15:04,760
Speaker 1: when you take him. He's gonna say you sold me

1457
01:15:04,800 --> 01:15:09,240
Speaker 1: a lemon. No, he's gonna say, okay, I got it that.

1458
01:15:09,360 --> 01:15:11,559
Speaker 1: I agree. I shake your hand. As a friend. We're

1459
01:15:11,680 --> 01:15:14,559
Speaker 1: taking this on. He's a member of my family. Do

1460
01:15:14,600 --> 01:15:16,200
Speaker 1: you but you're not even giving him that check? Do

1461
01:15:16,280 --> 01:15:19,800
Speaker 1: you want us? I would love to host us for

1462
01:15:19,880 --> 01:15:21,920
Speaker 1: like a weekend to help you and your I'm not

1463
01:15:21,960 --> 01:15:23,960
Speaker 1: a dog person I know write your letters in I'm

1464
01:15:23,960 --> 01:15:27,120
Speaker 1: not a dog person. You should be, I know, I

1465
01:15:27,120 --> 01:15:28,720
Speaker 1: think i'd be, Like I think you should take us

1466
01:15:28,720 --> 01:15:32,920
Speaker 1: for like a weekend. I'm not taking us. So where

1467
01:15:32,920 --> 01:15:34,720
Speaker 1: do you think let's wrap this up, buddy, where do

1468
01:15:34,800 --> 01:15:36,880
Speaker 1: you think all of this is going? Where? How are

1469
01:15:36,920 --> 01:15:38,960
Speaker 1: you doing? Has this helped it at all? Like? What

1470
01:15:39,240 --> 01:15:40,880
Speaker 1: do you think your next step is? One? We got

1471
01:15:40,880 --> 01:15:43,840
Speaker 1: to get you a mattress that has to happen. Go home,

1472
01:15:43,920 --> 01:15:46,160
Speaker 1: take a knife to that blow up mattress. Stab that

1473
01:15:46,200 --> 01:15:48,000
Speaker 1: thing so you can't sleep on it. I think mouth

1474
01:15:48,000 --> 01:15:50,160
Speaker 1: stuff would do wonders for the both of you. I'm

1475
01:15:50,200 --> 01:15:52,280
Speaker 1: not kidding. I know I'm sounding funny, but like, I

1476
01:15:52,320 --> 01:15:56,479
Speaker 1: think you need a little time. Yeah, you may never

1477
01:15:56,479 --> 01:15:59,400
Speaker 1: see me again, and of you, this is my final farewell.

1478
01:16:00,160 --> 01:16:01,680
Speaker 1: Well at least you got to co host. Do you

1479
01:16:01,720 --> 01:16:04,599
Speaker 1: feel better, America? Thank you for listening. It's been nice

1480
01:16:04,640 --> 01:16:07,240
Speaker 1: knowing you. I think we should do this again and

1481
01:16:07,960 --> 01:16:10,439
Speaker 1: a few months though, because I think things are going

1482
01:16:10,479 --> 01:16:11,920
Speaker 1: to be a lot better in a couple more months

1483
01:16:11,960 --> 01:16:15,280
Speaker 1: when the baby's sleeping. Yeah, I I agree. Once we

1484
01:16:15,360 --> 01:16:18,680
Speaker 1: get to the phase where he's sleeping through the night,

1485
01:16:18,880 --> 01:16:20,640
Speaker 1: which we were able to do at three and a

1486
01:16:20,640 --> 01:16:24,479
Speaker 1: half months with our first then we're in the clear.

1487
01:16:24,560 --> 01:16:28,240
Speaker 1: If we could have our evenings, that's all. That's all

1488
01:16:28,800 --> 01:16:30,599
Speaker 1: I want is to be able to like put both

1489
01:16:30,640 --> 01:16:33,080
Speaker 1: kids down, go have a drink and talk about our day,

1490
01:16:33,240 --> 01:16:35,400
Speaker 1: watch Shark Tank, and go to bed. I love what

1491
01:16:35,439 --> 01:16:37,240
Speaker 1: he said. I love what Chris said. Is right when

1492
01:16:37,560 --> 01:16:39,320
Speaker 1: when you have that alone time with your partner that

1493
01:16:39,360 --> 01:16:41,320
Speaker 1: you don't talk about the kids and you don't work,

1494
01:16:41,400 --> 01:16:44,000
Speaker 1: that you like date each other again, I thought that

1495
01:16:44,040 --> 01:16:48,600
Speaker 1: was brilliant. Um, what's look like from this whole discussion today,

1496
01:16:49,040 --> 01:16:51,760
Speaker 1: what's one thing you're going to take and go and

1497
01:16:51,800 --> 01:16:54,840
Speaker 1: implement or try and make a change in either your

1498
01:16:54,880 --> 01:16:58,320
Speaker 1: life individually or your relationship with your wife? Like is

1499
01:16:58,320 --> 01:17:01,360
Speaker 1: there anywhere where you've listened today and you're like, yeah,

1500
01:17:01,360 --> 01:17:04,559
Speaker 1: it's two things. Two things. The first of which is

1501
01:17:05,400 --> 01:17:10,240
Speaker 1: Chris alluded to the fact that, um, I don't know

1502
01:17:10,280 --> 01:17:12,640
Speaker 1: exactly the worst he used, but basically that negativity is

1503
01:17:12,720 --> 01:17:16,280
Speaker 1: kind of like it gets negativity and it becomes a

1504
01:17:16,600 --> 01:17:19,320
Speaker 1: vicious cycle of sorts. And my wife and I actually

1505
01:17:20,040 --> 01:17:23,920
Speaker 1: this morning acknowledge that because it's become kind of like

1506
01:17:23,960 --> 01:17:26,800
Speaker 1: a competition for who's more miserable who who had to

1507
01:17:26,840 --> 01:17:30,000
Speaker 1: deal with the worst amount of stuff. So, like the

1508
01:17:30,080 --> 01:17:33,200
Speaker 1: first thing in the morning, when I'm out there dead

1509
01:17:33,439 --> 01:17:36,960
Speaker 1: like chugging double espresso's making Jude's waffle, which I can

1510
01:17:37,000 --> 01:17:38,720
Speaker 1: only give him two days a week now because he

1511
01:17:38,840 --> 01:17:40,840
Speaker 1: expects a waffle every day and he loses his mind

1512
01:17:40,840 --> 01:17:43,000
Speaker 1: when he's not a waffle, which I'm losing my freaking

1513
01:17:43,040 --> 01:17:46,400
Speaker 1: mind at avocado toast this morning, didn't want to eat.

1514
01:17:46,479 --> 01:17:48,000
Speaker 1: It's like, well, I'm supposed to prove a point to

1515
01:17:48,040 --> 01:17:49,760
Speaker 1: you that you can't have a waffle every day. That's

1516
01:17:49,760 --> 01:17:52,880
Speaker 1: your mom told me to do this anyway. Uh, the

1517
01:17:53,000 --> 01:17:56,479
Speaker 1: negativity is like my wife will come out and she

1518
01:17:56,720 --> 01:17:58,720
Speaker 1: just like it's like a it's a thing where she

1519
01:17:58,760 --> 01:18:01,439
Speaker 1: comes out and she's like, he was awake from two

1520
01:18:01,560 --> 01:18:04,080
Speaker 1: to six and I couldn't do this, and I'm exhausted,

1521
01:18:04,120 --> 01:18:06,040
Speaker 1: and I'm like, yeah, well I got out to do

1522
01:18:06,120 --> 01:18:08,640
Speaker 1: the bottle and he wouldn't drink the bottle and la da,

1523
01:18:08,720 --> 01:18:10,200
Speaker 1: and like now I gotta go to work and then

1524
01:18:10,240 --> 01:18:12,840
Speaker 1: I have this meeting today and that meeting, and so

1525
01:18:12,880 --> 01:18:14,559
Speaker 1: you're kind of like going back and forth being like

1526
01:18:14,680 --> 01:18:17,720
Speaker 1: one upping each other for misery. And I think we

1527
01:18:17,760 --> 01:18:20,800
Speaker 1: need to make a conscious decision to be like and

1528
01:18:20,840 --> 01:18:23,200
Speaker 1: my wife said it to me, like, we have a

1529
01:18:23,240 --> 01:18:25,280
Speaker 1: short week in a holiday week. This week Christmas is

1530
01:18:25,280 --> 01:18:27,559
Speaker 1: coming out, my favorite holiday. Like let's just like go

1531
01:18:27,600 --> 01:18:30,800
Speaker 1: into it with a positive attitude and like deal with

1532
01:18:30,840 --> 01:18:33,160
Speaker 1: it and be happy and try to see the positive.

1533
01:18:33,280 --> 01:18:35,640
Speaker 1: You need to laugh a little and just laugh. If

1534
01:18:35,640 --> 01:18:38,360
Speaker 1: I were with funnier people and like yourself, I would

1535
01:18:38,439 --> 01:18:44,440
Speaker 1: laugh more, but I'm not. The second thing was, truthfully,

1536
01:18:44,479 --> 01:18:47,960
Speaker 1: genuinely that I've taken from this is I I take

1537
01:18:48,080 --> 01:18:54,680
Speaker 1: some solace in knowing that Brooks you dealt with some

1538
01:18:54,760 --> 01:18:57,560
Speaker 1: of what I experienced when Julianne was going through I

1539
01:18:57,680 --> 01:18:59,680
Speaker 1: v F and that it's like I'm not on an

1540
01:18:59,680 --> 01:19:02,320
Speaker 1: island like this only person who feels that way. Because

1541
01:19:02,320 --> 01:19:05,200
Speaker 1: when I talked to Amy off the air as my

1542
01:19:05,280 --> 01:19:07,840
Speaker 1: pseudo shrink, she just tells me that makes me feel

1543
01:19:07,840 --> 01:19:09,880
Speaker 1: like I'm the only person who feels this way, So

1544
01:19:10,200 --> 01:19:13,479
Speaker 1: I don't do that. She then also denies doing it,

1545
01:19:13,520 --> 01:19:19,240
Speaker 1: which is even worse. Um, nobody, You're not the only Wait,

1546
01:19:19,320 --> 01:19:21,200
Speaker 1: so you see how many people reach out to us. Yeah,

1547
01:19:21,240 --> 01:19:22,800
Speaker 1: that's exactly what I was going to touch on You're

1548
01:19:22,840 --> 01:19:24,720
Speaker 1: not the only one going through this. For anybody that

1549
01:19:25,040 --> 01:19:28,000
Speaker 1: is listening to this, that can resonate with this, please

1550
01:19:28,000 --> 01:19:30,879
Speaker 1: reach out to us. Here's our phone number one eight

1551
01:19:31,520 --> 01:19:36,000
Speaker 1: three zero seven. I took my three nieces once, they

1552
01:19:36,000 --> 01:19:39,200
Speaker 1: were like five, three and one for like a week,

1553
01:19:39,760 --> 01:19:42,439
Speaker 1: and I actually understood what depression was like. I was

1554
01:19:42,479 --> 01:19:46,040
Speaker 1: like this, I cannot do this. I was dirty, like

1555
01:19:46,080 --> 01:19:48,160
Speaker 1: the dirtiness, like I just had mac and cheese on

1556
01:19:48,240 --> 01:19:49,880
Speaker 1: my shirt, and it was just a big game of

1557
01:19:49,960 --> 01:19:53,360
Speaker 1: please don't die, Please don't die, Please don't choke, please

1558
01:19:53,360 --> 01:19:56,360
Speaker 1: don't die. I'm not doing anything great for any of

1559
01:19:56,400 --> 01:19:59,160
Speaker 1: you because my whole thing is just don't die, don't trip,

1560
01:19:59,240 --> 01:20:03,200
Speaker 1: don't fall, don't choke, don't punch her, don't die. I

1561
01:20:03,240 --> 01:20:06,080
Speaker 1: hate myself. I hate myself. I hate myself. We tried

1562
01:20:06,120 --> 01:20:08,559
Speaker 1: to see friends the other night and they're like, I

1563
01:20:08,680 --> 01:20:11,240
Speaker 1: was crappy at my job. I was crappy as their aunt.

1564
01:20:11,320 --> 01:20:15,200
Speaker 1: I was just in a load of crap. Yeah, just

1565
01:20:15,439 --> 01:20:18,679
Speaker 1: and then I got to say bye bye. Um okay,

1566
01:20:18,680 --> 01:20:22,160
Speaker 1: so someone else's job not to kill you. So reach

1567
01:20:22,200 --> 01:20:23,479
Speaker 1: out to us. Let us know if you have any

1568
01:20:23,479 --> 01:20:26,920
Speaker 1: tips or even if you just resonate with Ryan's story

1569
01:20:27,120 --> 01:20:32,000
Speaker 1: that number again Zo seventy seven or men at I

1570
01:20:32,080 --> 01:20:34,000
Speaker 1: Heart Radio dot com is where you can reach us

1571
01:20:34,040 --> 01:20:38,120
Speaker 1: with email or always on Instagram at how Men Think podcast.

1572
01:20:38,240 --> 01:20:41,320
Speaker 1: And if nothing good comes from this other than Casper

1573
01:20:41,360 --> 01:20:45,360
Speaker 1: and maybe Tito's Vodka coming to the forefront sponsorship wise,

1574
01:20:45,400 --> 01:20:49,000
Speaker 1: that would be really But before we go, can you

1575
01:20:49,000 --> 01:20:50,960
Speaker 1: give a little tease because next week I just want

1576
01:20:50,960 --> 01:20:55,479
Speaker 1: to let everyone know. Next week we are answering all

1577
01:20:55,520 --> 01:20:59,760
Speaker 1: your sex questions, like it is the sex episode to

1578
01:21:00,000 --> 01:21:04,280
Speaker 1: eat all sex episodes. Brooks has a tale to tell

1579
01:21:05,360 --> 01:21:11,000
Speaker 1: and we are going to reveal things. We're gonna reveal

1580
01:21:11,080 --> 01:21:15,920
Speaker 1: things that no one sees coming. Oh, Amy a mouth

1581
01:21:16,080 --> 01:21:19,719
Speaker 1: stuff glore. I can't wait for you to reveal things.

1582
01:21:20,000 --> 01:21:22,519
Speaker 1: You have a story about mouth stuff Brooks. Huh now,

1583
01:21:22,560 --> 01:21:24,880
Speaker 1: but I will say you were talking about, um, we're

1584
01:21:24,880 --> 01:21:26,920
Speaker 1: talking about sex before and I was like I raised

1585
01:21:26,920 --> 01:21:28,240
Speaker 1: the topic or I don't know if I said it,

1586
01:21:28,360 --> 01:21:31,360
Speaker 1: but energetic sex, Oh yeah, tell them a little just

1587
01:21:31,400 --> 01:21:33,320
Speaker 1: give him a little bit, give me a little tantar kiss.

1588
01:21:33,360 --> 01:21:36,679
Speaker 1: So remember Jay, we all, I'll took the erotic blueprint.

1589
01:21:36,800 --> 01:21:41,120
Speaker 1: So having looked into that, some more energetic sex is

1590
01:21:41,439 --> 01:21:44,840
Speaker 1: sex where there's no penetration involved. Yeah, it's like Sting

1591
01:21:45,040 --> 01:21:48,080
Speaker 1: does that. That's like a little different what Sting does.

1592
01:21:48,640 --> 01:21:50,200
Speaker 1: I don't know what Sting does. How come you guys

1593
01:21:50,200 --> 01:21:53,519
Speaker 1: know what Sting does? And because it's legendary, like everyone

1594
01:21:53,520 --> 01:21:58,040
Speaker 1: knows what Sting in his eighteen hours might be, like exaggerate, Okay,

1595
01:21:58,520 --> 01:22:00,599
Speaker 1: Sting is Tan Trick. Do you know the difference between

1596
01:22:00,680 --> 01:22:02,840
Speaker 1: energy and tan trick? I don't know the difference, but

1597
01:22:03,000 --> 01:22:07,080
Speaker 1: I'm aware of both concepts, but just starting to like

1598
01:22:07,200 --> 01:22:09,639
Speaker 1: dive into this space and learn more about they should

1599
01:22:09,640 --> 01:22:13,200
Speaker 1: do energy? You know the difference energetic and tantric. I

1600
01:22:13,240 --> 01:22:21,759
Speaker 1: think so because I think energy is inappropriate. Oh god, HR,

1601
01:22:21,840 --> 01:22:25,040
Speaker 1: I'm losing HR doesn't apply, so it's fine, I am

1602
01:22:25,120 --> 01:22:28,360
Speaker 1: losing it. I think energy would be great for them though,

1603
01:22:28,400 --> 01:22:31,600
Speaker 1: because there's no touching. I know. I'm glad that my

1604
01:22:31,680 --> 01:22:34,559
Speaker 1: friend Lisa's to two young boys here in the studio,

1605
01:22:34,760 --> 01:22:38,559
Speaker 1: teen and pre teen just walked in to hear this.

1606
01:22:38,600 --> 01:22:41,320
Speaker 1: But they know everything. They know everything, those two they're

1607
01:22:41,360 --> 01:22:44,479
Speaker 1: miming it right now. The teams in there no way

1608
01:22:44,520 --> 01:22:48,040
Speaker 1: more than us. But I think energy is barely touching, right,

1609
01:22:48,160 --> 01:22:52,080
Speaker 1: But tantrick involves touching. Okay, I don't know. Maybe we'll

1610
01:22:52,439 --> 01:22:55,000
Speaker 1: get into more of this next week, but I actually

1611
01:22:55,160 --> 01:23:04,160
Speaker 1: can't wait waited for that. I bring your outpad, buddy. Well, dude, again,

1612
01:23:04,240 --> 01:23:06,360
Speaker 1: I just want to commend you for opening up sharing this.

1613
01:23:06,640 --> 01:23:10,800
Speaker 1: I undoubtedly know that this helped many people listening to

1614
01:23:10,840 --> 01:23:13,320
Speaker 1: this at home. So high five to you, buddy, Thank you.

1615
01:23:13,520 --> 01:23:15,799
Speaker 1: High five to you for co hosting your first podcast.

1616
01:23:15,800 --> 01:23:21,320
Speaker 1: Thank you nice knowing you. I appreciate everything. I've not

1617
01:23:21,439 --> 01:23:23,960
Speaker 1: received a check for a single episode yet, make sure

1618
01:23:24,000 --> 01:23:25,559
Speaker 1: that goes to the estate. I just wanted you to

1619
01:23:25,600 --> 01:23:28,000
Speaker 1: know you who made eighty nine dollars in the last

1620
01:23:28,040 --> 01:23:32,320
Speaker 1: six months from this podcast. Go treat yourself, buddy, Go

1621
01:23:32,479 --> 01:23:35,320
Speaker 1: treat yourself a fresh new haircut or a little like

1622
01:23:35,520 --> 01:23:39,920
Speaker 1: shave or something with some lavender, something like that. Be glorious.

1623
01:23:40,200 --> 01:23:42,280
Speaker 1: I have a place I can see in you, buddy.

1624
01:23:42,280 --> 01:23:45,600
Speaker 1: I appreciate you, Amy as always, Gavin, Rick Dmitri. We

1625
01:23:45,640 --> 01:23:48,720
Speaker 1: miss you, brothers. But I'm excited to be here for

1626
01:23:48,760 --> 01:23:51,880
Speaker 1: the sex to conversation. Actually they'll be next week. This

1627
01:23:51,960 --> 01:23:57,360
Speaker 1: is gonna mispering, I don't know, because trying to build suspense. Okay,

1628
01:23:57,640 --> 01:23:59,720
Speaker 1: that's it for now. Thank you. Everybody for listening. We

1629
01:23:59,760 --> 01:24:01,760
Speaker 1: alway appreciate you. If if you think this could this

1630
01:24:01,800 --> 01:24:04,120
Speaker 1: episode help a friend, please send it to a friend.

1631
01:24:04,160 --> 01:24:06,640
Speaker 1: Somebody that has young kids, please share it. Give us

1632
01:24:06,640 --> 01:24:08,960
Speaker 1: a review on iTunes, all that fun stuff so we

1633
01:24:09,000 --> 01:24:11,639
Speaker 1: can keep doing. Yeah, give us the review. I hate Amy,

1634
01:24:11,720 --> 01:24:16,800
Speaker 1: I know, I'm learning to take it um Until next week, guys,

1635
01:24:17,640 --> 01:24:20,439
Speaker 1: take care of one another, love one another, and we'll

1636
01:24:20,439 --> 01:24:22,400
Speaker 1: see you right back here on How Men Think