Speaker 1: Welcome to Before Breakfast, a production of I Heart Radio.
Speaker 1: Good Morning, This is Laura. Welcome to the Before Breakfast podcast.
Speaker 1: Today's tip is that checklists can reduce the amount of
Speaker 1: nagging necessary to get younger family members or perhaps even
Speaker 1: other family members, to do what they need to do.
Speaker 1: So ideally, children would wake up when they need to
Speaker 1: dress and clothes appropriate for the weather, eat breakfast, and
Speaker 1: brush their teeth, and pack up everything they need for
Speaker 1: the day without reminding. Ideally, they would do any chores
Speaker 1: they are responsible for without direction, and they would do
Speaker 1: homework and instrument practice with nary a bit of input
Speaker 1: from their parents. Needless to say, very few children do
Speaker 1: do all of this. Some do, but many parents find
Speaker 1: themselves pursuing their kids with endless reminders. Have you brushed
Speaker 1: your teeth? Go get your lunch box. Remember you have
Speaker 1: soccer today after school, so you need cleats and chin guards.
Speaker 1: Do you have your lunch box? Can you please take
Speaker 1: your dishes to the sink. You can see that the
Speaker 1: dishwasher is there, so why didn't you put your dishes
Speaker 1: in it? Several years ago, writer kJ dell Antonia, who
Speaker 1: is running the New York Times mother Load blog at
Speaker 1: the time drew a distinction between what kids can and
Speaker 1: will do if prompted and what they will do without
Speaker 1: a reminder. Most kids do not rebel at being expected
Speaker 1: to take their dishes to the sink after dinner, but
Speaker 1: they may not take them unless they are reminded to
Speaker 1: do so every single day. Most kids will also do
Speaker 1: their homework, shower right, thank you notes to the grandparents,
Speaker 1: and even wipe the toothpaste out of the sink if
Speaker 1: they are reminded to, but only a rare few will
Speaker 1: do all of these tasks entirely independently. The question is
Speaker 1: whether you want the tasks done or you want them
Speaker 1: done without reminders. If you are holding out for the
Speaker 1: no reminder's goal, you are going to be constantly angry
Speaker 1: about stuff not getting done. But if you are willing
Speaker 1: to keep reminding people, the chores and the homework will
Speaker 1: generally happen. Now, that may sound like a lot of work,
Speaker 1: and it is one of the reasons that a lot
Speaker 1: has been written about mental load and emotional labor. But
Speaker 1: this is where today's tip comes in. A checklist can
Speaker 1: potentially be the reminder without you personally having to be
Speaker 1: the reminder. During the spring of When my kids were
Speaker 1: home from school and it took a while for remote
Speaker 1: schooling to be fully established, I created daily checklists of
Speaker 1: what they were expected to do thirty minutes of on
Speaker 1: line math practice, fifteen minutes of language practice with due lingo,
Speaker 1: reading for an hour, playing outside for an hour. They
Speaker 1: needed to check each item off when it was done. Now,
Speaker 1: I am not saying they did everything or did it
Speaker 1: without complaining, but I could immediately see who hadn't done
Speaker 1: what and thus follow up on those things rather than
Speaker 1: having to ask everybody about everything. Some parents have found
Speaker 1: similar benefits to checklists about daily tasks. Perhaps you and
Speaker 1: the child have decided that there are three things the
Speaker 1: kid needs to do after school before he or she
Speaker 1: can play video games, let's say homework, instrument practice, and
Speaker 1: one household chore. Rather than keep asking about each, you
Speaker 1: could just ask the kid, have you done your three things?
Speaker 1: Some kids might even like to have it written out
Speaker 1: on a whiteboard where they can check things off, or
Speaker 1: on a laminated sheet where you can check things off
Speaker 1: each day and then wipe off the page for the
Speaker 1: next day. If mornings are a hassle, you could create
Speaker 1: a morning checklist. Similarly, an evening checklist might help ease
Speaker 1: this process of getting ready for bed. The goal is
Speaker 1: that the checklist can be the reminder and you can
Speaker 1: just say how are you doing on the checklist if
Speaker 1: you need to check in. I would note that if
Speaker 1: you are trying to get other family members to help
Speaker 1: on things that you have traditionally done in the past,
Speaker 1: a checklist might help here too. For instance, you could
Speaker 1: make a list of the things a child needs when
Speaker 1: getting dropped off at daycare. That way, if another family
Speaker 1: member takes this over from you, he or she will
Speaker 1: not forget the child's spear, clothes or some other disaster.
Speaker 1: I have seen some families do this a bit whimsically.
Speaker 1: Right next to the brush teeth entry, you could write
Speaker 1: remember that you are loved, or the checklist for getting
Speaker 1: out the door might remind kids to pack a lunch
Speaker 1: box and kindness and flexibility. That said, I have five
Speaker 1: kids and I want to make something clear. Checklists work
Speaker 1: better for some kids than others. Some children will cheerfully
Speaker 1: and expeditiously move through a checklist. They love knowing what
Speaker 1: is expected of them. Others will do it grudgingly, but
Speaker 1: they like the idea of being free afterwards. If I
Speaker 1: spend fifteen minutes cleaning the playroom and then you promise
Speaker 1: you won't bug me afterwards, well that's cool. Others view
Speaker 1: a checklist as an opportunity to rebel. They would have
Speaker 1: done the chore until you put it on a checklist,
Speaker 1: at which point it is an opportunity for defiance. So
Speaker 1: you kind of have to know what you are working with.
Speaker 1: Since your mileage may vary, you might try a checklist
Speaker 1: and see how it goes. If it makes your mornings
Speaker 1: or evenings goes smoothly, it makes you feel like less
Speaker 1: of a nag, then that is wonderful. It's a winner.
Speaker 1: If it doesn't work well, you can just go back
Speaker 1: to asking the child each day to pack their lunch.
Speaker 1: It is annoying. But if it does get packed, so
Speaker 1: it goes. In the meantime, This is Laura. Thanks for listening,
Speaker 1: and here's to making the most of our time. Hey, everybody,
Speaker 1: I'd love to hear from you. You can send me
Speaker 1: your tips, your questions, or anything else. Just connect with
Speaker 1: me on Twitter, Facebook and Instagram at before Breakfast pod
Speaker 1: that's b E the number four, then Breakfast p O D.
Speaker 1: You can also shoot me an email at before Breakfast
Speaker 1: podcast at iHeart media dot com that Before Breakfast is
Speaker 1: spelled out with all the letters. Thanks so much, I
Speaker 1: look forward to staying in touch. Before Breakfast is a
Speaker 1: production of I heart Radio. For more podcasts from I
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Speaker 1: or wherever you listen to your favorite shows. Yea.