1 00:00:03,440 --> 00:00:06,680 Speaker 1: Welcome to Before Breakfast, a production of I Heart Radio. 2 00:00:09,240 --> 00:00:14,800 Speaker 1: Good Morning, This is Laura. Welcome to the Before Breakfast podcast. 3 00:00:15,720 --> 00:00:19,279 Speaker 1: Today's tip is that checklists can reduce the amount of 4 00:00:19,400 --> 00:00:23,200 Speaker 1: nagging necessary to get younger family members or perhaps even 5 00:00:23,360 --> 00:00:26,840 Speaker 1: other family members, to do what they need to do. 6 00:00:28,520 --> 00:00:31,200 Speaker 1: So ideally, children would wake up when they need to 7 00:00:31,880 --> 00:00:35,600 Speaker 1: dress and clothes appropriate for the weather, eat breakfast, and 8 00:00:35,680 --> 00:00:38,559 Speaker 1: brush their teeth, and pack up everything they need for 9 00:00:38,600 --> 00:00:43,200 Speaker 1: the day without reminding. Ideally, they would do any chores 10 00:00:43,240 --> 00:00:46,559 Speaker 1: they are responsible for without direction, and they would do 11 00:00:46,640 --> 00:00:50,839 Speaker 1: homework and instrument practice with nary a bit of input 12 00:00:51,120 --> 00:00:55,600 Speaker 1: from their parents. Needless to say, very few children do 13 00:00:55,600 --> 00:00:59,560 Speaker 1: do all of this. Some do, but many parents find 14 00:00:59,560 --> 00:01:03,960 Speaker 1: themselves pursuing their kids with endless reminders. Have you brushed 15 00:01:03,960 --> 00:01:07,399 Speaker 1: your teeth? Go get your lunch box. Remember you have 16 00:01:07,480 --> 00:01:10,200 Speaker 1: soccer today after school, so you need cleats and chin guards. 17 00:01:10,959 --> 00:01:13,520 Speaker 1: Do you have your lunch box? Can you please take 18 00:01:13,560 --> 00:01:16,319 Speaker 1: your dishes to the sink. You can see that the 19 00:01:16,360 --> 00:01:18,760 Speaker 1: dishwasher is there, so why didn't you put your dishes 20 00:01:18,800 --> 00:01:23,080 Speaker 1: in it? Several years ago, writer kJ dell Antonia, who 21 00:01:23,120 --> 00:01:25,280 Speaker 1: is running the New York Times mother Load blog at 22 00:01:25,280 --> 00:01:28,720 Speaker 1: the time drew a distinction between what kids can and 23 00:01:28,800 --> 00:01:32,520 Speaker 1: will do if prompted and what they will do without 24 00:01:32,920 --> 00:01:37,640 Speaker 1: a reminder. Most kids do not rebel at being expected 25 00:01:37,680 --> 00:01:40,679 Speaker 1: to take their dishes to the sink after dinner, but 26 00:01:41,360 --> 00:01:44,080 Speaker 1: they may not take them unless they are reminded to 27 00:01:44,120 --> 00:01:48,600 Speaker 1: do so every single day. Most kids will also do 28 00:01:48,680 --> 00:01:51,920 Speaker 1: their homework, shower right, thank you notes to the grandparents, 29 00:01:52,320 --> 00:01:55,639 Speaker 1: and even wipe the toothpaste out of the sink if 30 00:01:55,880 --> 00:01:59,720 Speaker 1: they are reminded to, but only a rare few will 31 00:01:59,760 --> 00:02:05,040 Speaker 1: do all of these tasks entirely independently. The question is 32 00:02:05,040 --> 00:02:08,280 Speaker 1: whether you want the tasks done or you want them 33 00:02:08,320 --> 00:02:12,120 Speaker 1: done without reminders. If you are holding out for the 34 00:02:12,520 --> 00:02:17,360 Speaker 1: no reminder's goal, you are going to be constantly angry 35 00:02:17,400 --> 00:02:21,840 Speaker 1: about stuff not getting done. But if you are willing 36 00:02:21,880 --> 00:02:25,520 Speaker 1: to keep reminding people, the chores and the homework will 37 00:02:25,600 --> 00:02:29,600 Speaker 1: generally happen. Now, that may sound like a lot of work, 38 00:02:30,160 --> 00:02:31,839 Speaker 1: and it is one of the reasons that a lot 39 00:02:31,880 --> 00:02:35,760 Speaker 1: has been written about mental load and emotional labor. But 40 00:02:35,880 --> 00:02:40,200 Speaker 1: this is where today's tip comes in. A checklist can 41 00:02:40,240 --> 00:02:44,720 Speaker 1: potentially be the reminder without you personally having to be 42 00:02:44,760 --> 00:02:49,400 Speaker 1: the reminder. During the spring of When my kids were 43 00:02:49,440 --> 00:02:52,280 Speaker 1: home from school and it took a while for remote 44 00:02:52,320 --> 00:02:56,480 Speaker 1: schooling to be fully established, I created daily checklists of 45 00:02:56,520 --> 00:02:59,840 Speaker 1: what they were expected to do thirty minutes of on 46 00:03:00,040 --> 00:03:03,840 Speaker 1: line math practice, fifteen minutes of language practice with due lingo, 47 00:03:04,800 --> 00:03:08,600 Speaker 1: reading for an hour, playing outside for an hour. They 48 00:03:08,639 --> 00:03:12,120 Speaker 1: needed to check each item off when it was done. Now, 49 00:03:12,160 --> 00:03:14,080 Speaker 1: I am not saying they did everything or did it 50 00:03:14,120 --> 00:03:18,000 Speaker 1: without complaining, but I could immediately see who hadn't done 51 00:03:18,040 --> 00:03:21,880 Speaker 1: what and thus follow up on those things rather than 52 00:03:21,919 --> 00:03:27,480 Speaker 1: having to ask everybody about everything. Some parents have found 53 00:03:27,520 --> 00:03:32,360 Speaker 1: similar benefits to checklists about daily tasks. Perhaps you and 54 00:03:32,400 --> 00:03:35,240 Speaker 1: the child have decided that there are three things the 55 00:03:35,360 --> 00:03:38,440 Speaker 1: kid needs to do after school before he or she 56 00:03:38,560 --> 00:03:44,120 Speaker 1: can play video games, let's say homework, instrument practice, and 57 00:03:44,200 --> 00:03:49,000 Speaker 1: one household chore. Rather than keep asking about each, you 58 00:03:49,000 --> 00:03:51,680 Speaker 1: could just ask the kid, have you done your three things? 59 00:03:53,040 --> 00:03:55,200 Speaker 1: Some kids might even like to have it written out 60 00:03:55,240 --> 00:03:57,360 Speaker 1: on a whiteboard where they can check things off, or 61 00:03:57,640 --> 00:03:59,600 Speaker 1: on a laminated sheet where you can check things off 62 00:03:59,640 --> 00:04:01,360 Speaker 1: each day and then wipe off the page for the 63 00:04:01,400 --> 00:04:04,920 Speaker 1: next day. If mornings are a hassle, you could create 64 00:04:04,920 --> 00:04:08,920 Speaker 1: a morning checklist. Similarly, an evening checklist might help ease 65 00:04:09,000 --> 00:04:12,840 Speaker 1: this process of getting ready for bed. The goal is 66 00:04:12,880 --> 00:04:15,800 Speaker 1: that the checklist can be the reminder and you can 67 00:04:15,880 --> 00:04:18,680 Speaker 1: just say how are you doing on the checklist if 68 00:04:18,680 --> 00:04:21,480 Speaker 1: you need to check in. I would note that if 69 00:04:21,480 --> 00:04:23,840 Speaker 1: you are trying to get other family members to help 70 00:04:23,839 --> 00:04:26,640 Speaker 1: on things that you have traditionally done in the past, 71 00:04:27,400 --> 00:04:31,040 Speaker 1: a checklist might help here too. For instance, you could 72 00:04:31,040 --> 00:04:33,320 Speaker 1: make a list of the things a child needs when 73 00:04:33,320 --> 00:04:37,280 Speaker 1: getting dropped off at daycare. That way, if another family 74 00:04:37,279 --> 00:04:40,480 Speaker 1: member takes this over from you, he or she will 75 00:04:40,520 --> 00:04:43,800 Speaker 1: not forget the child's spear, clothes or some other disaster. 76 00:04:45,400 --> 00:04:48,200 Speaker 1: I have seen some families do this a bit whimsically. 77 00:04:48,960 --> 00:04:52,159 Speaker 1: Right next to the brush teeth entry, you could write 78 00:04:52,520 --> 00:04:56,280 Speaker 1: remember that you are loved, or the checklist for getting 79 00:04:56,279 --> 00:04:58,919 Speaker 1: out the door might remind kids to pack a lunch 80 00:04:58,960 --> 00:05:04,640 Speaker 1: box and kindness and flexibility. That said, I have five 81 00:05:04,800 --> 00:05:08,960 Speaker 1: kids and I want to make something clear. Checklists work 82 00:05:09,040 --> 00:05:14,480 Speaker 1: better for some kids than others. Some children will cheerfully 83 00:05:14,520 --> 00:05:19,760 Speaker 1: and expeditiously move through a checklist. They love knowing what 84 00:05:19,960 --> 00:05:24,960 Speaker 1: is expected of them. Others will do it grudgingly, but 85 00:05:25,720 --> 00:05:30,360 Speaker 1: they like the idea of being free afterwards. If I 86 00:05:30,400 --> 00:05:33,279 Speaker 1: spend fifteen minutes cleaning the playroom and then you promise 87 00:05:33,360 --> 00:05:37,320 Speaker 1: you won't bug me afterwards, well that's cool. Others view 88 00:05:37,320 --> 00:05:42,240 Speaker 1: a checklist as an opportunity to rebel. They would have 89 00:05:42,320 --> 00:05:45,479 Speaker 1: done the chore until you put it on a checklist, 90 00:05:46,400 --> 00:05:51,560 Speaker 1: at which point it is an opportunity for defiance. So 91 00:05:52,120 --> 00:05:54,400 Speaker 1: you kind of have to know what you are working with. 92 00:05:55,960 --> 00:05:59,480 Speaker 1: Since your mileage may vary, you might try a checklist 93 00:05:59,520 --> 00:06:02,600 Speaker 1: and see how it goes. If it makes your mornings 94 00:06:02,680 --> 00:06:06,000 Speaker 1: or evenings goes smoothly, it makes you feel like less 95 00:06:06,000 --> 00:06:09,680 Speaker 1: of a nag, then that is wonderful. It's a winner. 96 00:06:10,800 --> 00:06:14,320 Speaker 1: If it doesn't work well, you can just go back 97 00:06:14,360 --> 00:06:16,880 Speaker 1: to asking the child each day to pack their lunch. 98 00:06:17,920 --> 00:06:21,240 Speaker 1: It is annoying. But if it does get packed, so 99 00:06:21,320 --> 00:06:27,400 Speaker 1: it goes. In the meantime, This is Laura. Thanks for listening, 100 00:06:28,279 --> 00:06:38,240 Speaker 1: and here's to making the most of our time. Hey, everybody, 101 00:06:38,440 --> 00:06:40,560 Speaker 1: I'd love to hear from you. You can send me 102 00:06:40,600 --> 00:06:44,240 Speaker 1: your tips, your questions, or anything else. Just connect with 103 00:06:44,279 --> 00:06:48,640 Speaker 1: me on Twitter, Facebook and Instagram at before Breakfast pod 104 00:06:49,360 --> 00:06:53,680 Speaker 1: that's b E the number four, then Breakfast p O D. 105 00:06:54,560 --> 00:06:57,400 Speaker 1: You can also shoot me an email at before Breakfast 106 00:06:57,480 --> 00:07:01,040 Speaker 1: podcast at iHeart media dot com that Before Breakfast is 107 00:07:01,080 --> 00:07:03,880 Speaker 1: spelled out with all the letters. Thanks so much, I 108 00:07:03,880 --> 00:07:11,960 Speaker 1: look forward to staying in touch. Before Breakfast is a 109 00:07:11,960 --> 00:07:15,240 Speaker 1: production of I heart Radio. For more podcasts from I 110 00:07:15,320 --> 00:07:19,040 Speaker 1: heart Radio, visit the i heart Radio app, Apple Podcasts, 111 00:07:19,400 --> 00:07:22,240 Speaker 1: or wherever you listen to your favorite shows. Yea.