Speaker 1: Episode how to identify and improve spending habits. Welcome to
Speaker 1: the Frugal Friends podcast, where you'll learn to save money,
Speaker 1: embrace simplicity, rights, and liver with your life. Here your
Speaker 1: host Jen and Jill. Welcome to the Frugal Friends podcast.
Speaker 1: My name is Jen, my name is Jill, and today
Speaker 1: we are talking about spending habits, focusing specifically on the
Speaker 1: habit formation part. We so often like to focus on
Speaker 1: the spending part, not the psychological like triggers and background
Speaker 1: for why you spend. So that is what we are
Speaker 1: specifically focusing on today. We've got to understand what's behind
Speaker 1: our behaviors if we want to shift our behaviors. So yeah,
Speaker 1: habits is a great place to start. Absolutely. But first,
Speaker 1: today's sponsors, our first live training sponsor in this show,
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Speaker 1: Frugal Friends podcast dot com slash training and grab a
Speaker 1: seat so that you can get that replay. But please
Speaker 1: show up live and we'll give you that debt Free
Speaker 1: Christmas Planner as a thank you. Today's episode is also
Speaker 1: brought to you by your brain. Have you ever heard
Speaker 1: that you only use ten of your brain? That's crazy,
Speaker 1: because that's a total myth. Your prayounds crazy, it's crazy.
Speaker 1: Your brain wants you to know that, according to science,
Speaker 1: that is more recent than nineteen oh seven, when that
Speaker 1: myth was created. Um that you actually use nearly a
Speaker 1: hundred percent of your brain by the end of the day.
Speaker 1: So your brain wants you to give it a break
Speaker 1: once in a while, okay, and and let habits take
Speaker 1: over your brain. It is working for you. It is nuts.
Speaker 1: Even when you were talking about this sponsor, we both
Speaker 1: were like, how much of our brains do we use?
Speaker 1: Or like, like, I think even less. It's changed that
Speaker 1: sponsor changed in the last thirty seconds because I was
Speaker 1: reading multiple articles that said the ten percent thing is
Speaker 1: a myth, and I was like, oh my goodness, people
Speaker 1: need to know about this. There's so much less shame
Speaker 1: than attached to it. Because before it's like you only
Speaker 1: use so do better, work harder, try and use more
Speaker 1: of your brain. And it's like you are, You're using
Speaker 1: all of your brain. You're never gonna be neo. So
Speaker 1: like forget the blue and red pill, like you're already there,
Speaker 1: You're fine, give yourself some grace. Anyways, speaking of grace,
Speaker 1: habits am I right, hard to build, hard to break,
Speaker 1: hard to build, doctor break. So that's what we're talking
Speaker 1: about today, specifically on spending habits, because we like to
Speaker 1: talk about all things that can be used to improve
Speaker 1: your life, but we put a financial spin on it
Speaker 1: because that's our zone of genius. And we are talking.
Speaker 1: We have a few different websites and this is the
Speaker 1: next challenge that we're doing in Club BFF is forty
Speaker 1: five day Habit Challenge And by the end you're going
Speaker 1: to see why we chose this challenge to do after
Speaker 1: the Core Values Challenge and why specifically it is a
Speaker 1: forty five day challenge versus twenty one or sixty six
Speaker 1: or whatever. So I am super excited to dive into this,
Speaker 1: and you have Jill like, I feel like this is
Speaker 1: your zone of genius as well. I love it when
Speaker 1: we can blend mental health, behavioral health with financial health
Speaker 1: because they all do go together. They're never separate. We
Speaker 1: just don't always connect the dots. So, yes, this is
Speaker 1: definitely up my alley to be able to talk about
Speaker 1: some of the reasons behind why we behave in the
Speaker 1: way we behave, how we interact with the world around us,
Speaker 1: and then how we can utilize our understanding of these
Speaker 1: topics to help us towards our financial goals. Yes, so
Speaker 1: our first article is from Money Habitudes and it's basically
Speaker 1: understanding your money habits. What do you think of this
Speaker 1: one hill It's a good one. It's short and sweet.
Speaker 1: I will say there's a couple of things in here
Speaker 1: that I'm going to push back on a little bit,
Speaker 1: which is always fun for me, spicing it up. Overall,
Speaker 1: it's got some great content. There's just a couple of
Speaker 1: things I'm going to highlight about what they say and
Speaker 1: share just a bit of a differing opinion on that,
Speaker 1: but in general, some great stuff here, just about patterns
Speaker 1: and habits, how they relate to spending a little bit
Speaker 1: about how we can shift that, although that's going to
Speaker 1: come more in the second article. So the first way,
Speaker 1: the first thing on this article, we're just going to
Speaker 1: kind of go through. It's not it's not a list,
Speaker 1: there's not tips, but they do talk about what is
Speaker 1: what are spending habits? What are some examples? How do
Speaker 1: these habits form? So we're just going to kind of
Speaker 1: go through those aspects. And so the way that they
Speaker 1: describe spending habits is an acquired behavior pattern that can
Speaker 1: seem almost involuntary, where these things that we do somewhat
Speaker 1: without even thinking about it. I wouldn't push back on that.
Speaker 1: I think that's a decent definition of a habit, although
Speaker 1: I think that there's this underlying tone of the article
Speaker 1: that seems to indicate that habits are bad, and I
Speaker 1: just want to say, habits are neutral. Habits are We
Speaker 1: can have unhealthy, unbeneficial habits and we can have awesome,
Speaker 1: excellent habits. The goal is to use our propensity towards
Speaker 1: habituating something in a beneficial way for us. We want
Speaker 1: to use it to our advantage. But there's no reality
Speaker 1: where we're just going to get rid of habits. That's
Speaker 1: how we interact with the world around us. So I
Speaker 1: think a lot of what they seem to say seems
Speaker 1: to indicate, like all of your spending habits are bad,
Speaker 1: and I just want to say, no, no, they're not.
Speaker 1: Some we want to identify which ones are not helpful
Speaker 1: for us and shift them. But yeah, yeah, I liked
Speaker 1: this like definition. It's I think we have we have
Speaker 1: impulse spending, and then we have habitual impulse spending, which
Speaker 1: veers off from impulse spending and just becomes that habitual
Speaker 1: mindless spending. And I think one of the examples I've
Speaker 1: used for frequently in my life is that when I
Speaker 1: would leave my I think it was either weekend job
Speaker 1: or some I would leave somewhere and I would go
Speaker 1: past to Chipotle, and I would always find myself in
Speaker 1: line in Chipotle and not even realize how I got there.
Speaker 1: It was just like it was a habit because of
Speaker 1: that preceding event. So that's when these things become mindless.
Speaker 1: That's when we need to step back. And sometimes it's
Speaker 1: helpful to do like a seven day no spend challenge,
Speaker 1: so you can kind of step back and see what
Speaker 1: are my habits, what are the things that I'm doing.
Speaker 1: I'm not even aware of, what are the things I
Speaker 1: think I need but I actually don't, and become aware
Speaker 1: of these habits so that you can improve them. Yeah, again,
Speaker 1: habits are neutral. You could love and appreciate your Chipotle
Speaker 1: habit and it works in your life because you know,
Speaker 1: you make a million dollars a year, So then Chipotle
Speaker 1: is like whatever, suppose Chapole? Is you saving money? Right?
Speaker 1: So I but I didn't and I do not, and
Speaker 1: so it was something I wanted to improve. So again, yes,
Speaker 1: let's reiterate habits are neutral, but some get us to
Speaker 1: our goal is faster than others. So there's no guilt
Speaker 1: or shame in any spending habit. So they give fur
Speaker 1: their definition and highlight that a habit is usual usually
Speaker 1: occurs when you have a given set of similar conditions
Speaker 1: or circumstances and you act similarly each time. So again
Speaker 1: it's it's this pattern cycle, habitual nature. And where I
Speaker 1: will push back again on this article is with the
Speaker 1: examples that they give. Some of these writers are not
Speaker 1: great with examples, but that's all right, you know they
Speaker 1: are here hustling. Yeah, they use extreme examples because it's
Speaker 1: easier to like not argue with them, like they don't
Speaker 1: want to get bashed in the comments section. Well, here
Speaker 1: I am about to push back saying that you know,
Speaker 1: it's a habit if you always give to charity at
Speaker 1: the end of the year, or you have a habit
Speaker 1: of spending on a souvenir T shirt on a vacation,
Speaker 1: and I would say that's not a habit, that's not
Speaker 1: a regular pattern, that's a ritual or a tradition. If
Speaker 1: you're only doing something one time a year, sorry money habitudes,
Speaker 1: this is not a habit. That's that's a ritual or
Speaker 1: a tradition that you have. Habits are these regularly occurring.
Speaker 1: Given a certain set of circumstance, you act in a
Speaker 1: similar way, almost without thinking. It's like muscle memory. So
Speaker 1: that's what we're talking about, not your charity giving one
Speaker 1: time a year. They also said you always wait until
Speaker 1: the last minute to buy a plane ticket. That's a
Speaker 1: personality defense. So none other examples are good. Hate to
Speaker 1: say it, but how they're describing this, I would agree with.
Speaker 1: I think you can. And so this comes from James Clear,
Speaker 1: who's actually the author of the next article spoiler alert.
Speaker 1: But there are several specific things that proceed a habit,
Speaker 1: and so this can be a time of day, This
Speaker 1: can be a location preceding event like mine was with
Speaker 1: the Chipotle was leaving a place of work. It can
Speaker 1: be an emotional state and that can be emotional positive
Speaker 1: or negative, or can be a person So like whenever
Speaker 1: I go see a family member, I don't like I
Speaker 1: have to you know, psych myself up with the Starbucks
Speaker 1: on the way or something. So if I show if
Speaker 1: I see you showing up to my house and Starbucks,
Speaker 1: I know she really had to ramp herself up for this.
Speaker 1: That as an example that is not real for me,
Speaker 1: but you know, so so these are the things that
Speaker 1: you are doing constantly, um have kind of like one
Speaker 1: of these cues. That's how you can tell that it's
Speaker 1: a habit, right, And so we also then would look
Speaker 1: at well how do these habits form? And you've touched
Speaker 1: on that a bit, Jhen, the different types of circumstances
Speaker 1: that would lead to the formation of a habit, something
Speaker 1: that's ingrained in us, why we continue to operate in
Speaker 1: these patterns. And there's a concept within the field of
Speaker 1: social work that I feel like is helpful in what
Speaker 1: this article is also touching on classic foundational social work.
Speaker 1: One oh one is person in environment. It's also pie
Speaker 1: for short. So that's fun because we like food. But
Speaker 1: this idea that we are directly connected and linked to
Speaker 1: the context in which we are living and where we're from.
Speaker 1: So person in environment, what is around us, who's around us,
Speaker 1: what's the cont text in which we're living. This is
Speaker 1: going to play a strong role in in the people
Speaker 1: that we are, but absolutely into the behaviors that we've established,
Speaker 1: the habits and patterns that we operate within. And so
Speaker 1: if we want to look at how did these habits form,
Speaker 1: we absolutely have to look at well what's my environment?
Speaker 1: Where am I, what's the context in which I'm living?
Speaker 1: Who are the people around me? What is the actual
Speaker 1: location in which I'm living. What does my certain cultural
Speaker 1: location geographical context teach me about what I need, what's necessary,
Speaker 1: what I should be engaging in. How does that play
Speaker 1: into my own wants and desires? Are they actually my
Speaker 1: wants and desires? Right there? There's a whole digging process here.
Speaker 1: But essentially we can't separate ourselves from our environment. So
Speaker 1: the people around us, culture and society, even our religion
Speaker 1: or spiritual beliefs, our own unique personalities because yeah, that's
Speaker 1: the nature versus nurture topic, as well the media and
Speaker 1: again friend groups. So these are the influences that bear
Speaker 1: upon habit formation. Absolutely, I think community has a huge
Speaker 1: role to play and how we spend habitually. It's the
Speaker 1: people you spend the most time around that you pick
Speaker 1: up on their mannerisms and habits, so that can be
Speaker 1: at work, um or out of work. I think that's
Speaker 1: a I think that was a big reason how I
Speaker 1: developed a lot of my spending habits. But yeah, and uh,
Speaker 1: I loved when we so in club eff Right now
Speaker 1: we're going through the Core Values Challenge. We're finishing it
Speaker 1: up and in the book that we're reading for the
Speaker 1: book club with it kind of learning how some core
Speaker 1: values can be developed out of lack, like if you
Speaker 1: had if you didn't have something, or you lacked something
Speaker 1: growing up, that can cause that in adulthood to be
Speaker 1: a core value for you. And I think the same
Speaker 1: it can be said for habits as well. I think
Speaker 1: if you lacked something growing up, or you know, even
Speaker 1: feel like you lack something in your adult life that
Speaker 1: others have, I feel like that can create a compensation
Speaker 1: habit as well. I've seen that in my life too. Yeah,
Speaker 1: we build upon our experiences. As much as I don't
Speaker 1: want to harp too much on childhood, that is part
Speaker 1: of this that we probably carry with us some habits
Speaker 1: and behavior patterns that we established in childhood. And that's
Speaker 1: why this article talks about, you know, why is it
Speaker 1: so hard to break spending habits? And they use this
Speaker 1: illustration of water like weaving a river through rock, and
Speaker 1: it would be it would take a catastrophic event to
Speaker 1: shift the trajectory of that water, like they're going to
Speaker 1: take the path water takes the path of least resistance,
Speaker 1: and it carves its way in that manner, and similar
Speaker 1: to water carving its way through rock and desert, are
Speaker 1: our patterns that sometimes these can become so deeply ingrained
Speaker 1: and entrenched in us and have been our habits and
Speaker 1: patterns over years, if not decades, and so is very difficult.
Speaker 1: Similarly to that, since it's relatively involuntary built in, we're
Speaker 1: not always thinking about it, it's going to take a
Speaker 1: lot of effort and intentionality and understanding of ourselves to
Speaker 1: be able to shift the trajectory of that water because
Speaker 1: we do we want to take the path of least resistance. Yeah,
Speaker 1: I mean it makes sense. Like we by the end
Speaker 1: of the day have used almost a hundred percent of
Speaker 1: our brain capacity, so we are dealing with decision fatigue
Speaker 1: and just overall physical exhaustion. And so that's why most
Speaker 1: of our day is made up of our bits. There
Speaker 1: are habits writers who say you are your habits, which
Speaker 1: I don't think I would go that far, but you
Speaker 1: spend a significant amount of your time. If you take
Speaker 1: a week and you record everything you do every day
Speaker 1: for a week, you're going to see a lot of
Speaker 1: patterns and you're going to have to record every hour
Speaker 1: or so, because you're not going to remember the things
Speaker 1: that you did in an hour, like an hour from now.
Speaker 1: So it's hard to remember everything you did in today
Speaker 1: because so much of it is on autopilot, and there
Speaker 1: are definitely oh my gosh, I can't tell you how
Speaker 1: many times like I will be in one place and
Speaker 1: just go on autopilot and end up in a different
Speaker 1: How did I find myself here? Yeah, and then it's
Speaker 1: kind of scary, especially if that place involves driving. But yeah,
Speaker 1: so much of our life is habits, and so again,
Speaker 1: habits are neutral, so you can just focus on your
Speaker 1: habits change those and even ones that don't specifically cost
Speaker 1: money can have a financial component too, So figuring out
Speaker 1: how to change habits and improve habits, that's kind of
Speaker 1: like the Verbi edge. We want to focus on, Yes,
Speaker 1: you utilizing this information to our benefit, so that anything
Speaker 1: else on this one, nothing else. I really think we're
Speaker 1: ready to talk about how do we use this knowledge
Speaker 1: to our advantage and how can we shift habits that
Speaker 1: we want to shift and maintain habits that are benefiting
Speaker 1: us absolutely, So now we get into my favorite habit
Speaker 1: writer of all of I've read a lot about habits.
Speaker 1: I've read a lot of books about habit formation, habit psychology,
Speaker 1: all of that, and James Clear in the book Atomic
Speaker 1: Habit really has been my favorite. There's a reason why
Speaker 1: it has sold over five million copies. And I only
Speaker 1: know that because I'm literally reading it on the website
Speaker 1: right now. But so we're actually gonna be reading that
Speaker 1: during our book club for the day Habit Challenge. And
Speaker 1: this one is I think a great kind of intro
Speaker 1: to all the things he talks about. There's just so many,
Speaker 1: so many aspects that really do relate so much to
Speaker 1: like direct correlation to like financial components. James Clear has
Speaker 1: been a frequent flyer for us in these articles. We
Speaker 1: also referenced an article of his in our goal Setting
Speaker 1: episode that was back in It's back in the archives
Speaker 1: at this point. It's an episode within the nineties. I
Speaker 1: want to say, I think it was at the beginning
Speaker 1: of Sorry about that we had fast intention ye gosh. Anyways,
Speaker 1: this one is how to start new habits that actually stick?
Speaker 1: What do you think of this? James Clear? And this
Speaker 1: is actually an excerpt from the book. Yes, so much
Speaker 1: content jam packed and you'll see it in our show
Speaker 1: notes how much we just wanted to highlight for you
Speaker 1: all so many goodies. And I would absolutely direct any
Speaker 1: listener just to go and read the article because we're
Speaker 1: not going to be able to dissect every single part
Speaker 1: of this. But I think he does a really excellent
Speaker 1: job with graphs, explanations, examples of the process of building
Speaker 1: a habit and the process of reestablishing habits. I think
Speaker 1: it's a really excellent step by step And yeah, I'm
Speaker 1: excited to talk about this. Yeah. The first part um
Speaker 1: up in the topic says of three hours of habit change,
Speaker 1: but this actually doesn't cover that, but it does introduce
Speaker 1: the four stages of a habit and so I specifically
Speaker 1: like this one versus the original. It's called the habit loop.
Speaker 1: The original habit loop only had three parts, and so
Speaker 1: Clear added a fourth. Well he had he added a
Speaker 1: second part. He added one between the first and second.
Speaker 1: So now there's four and it makes a lot more
Speaker 1: sense when you're dealing with habit change versus just understanding
Speaker 1: habit theory. So the first one is Q, so that
Speaker 1: all four of them are Q craving response reward. The
Speaker 1: original one is just Q response reward. But the que
Speaker 1: is like what I was I was saying in the
Speaker 1: first article. It's it can be that time, location, preceding event, person, whatnot,
Speaker 1: So that that's the que of that. And then the
Speaker 1: craving is kind of it's like what you what you want?
Speaker 1: What does that? What craving does that que trigger? And
Speaker 1: so for me, I see a lot of correlation between
Speaker 1: the craving and our core values. So that's one of
Speaker 1: the reasons I really love this variation of the habit
Speaker 1: loop is because our cravings tend to be correlated to
Speaker 1: our core values or our highest values, and so I
Speaker 1: feel like when you first understand those, it's quicker to
Speaker 1: understand your habits too. Yeah. I like how he describes
Speaker 1: that what you crave is not the habit itself, but
Speaker 1: the change in state it delivers so meaning, and he
Speaker 1: gives these examples. You're not motivated by brushing your teeth,
Speaker 1: but rather the feeling of a clean mouth. That's the
Speaker 1: end goal. That's that's what the craving is for. It's
Speaker 1: not just the act. You you don't want to turn
Speaker 1: on the television just for the sake of turning on
Speaker 1: the television. You do it to be entertained so similar
Speaker 1: thing with any other habit we might identify. But I
Speaker 1: think that that's an important distinction that it's not the
Speaker 1: act itself, it's what it's going to deliver to you. Yeah,
Speaker 1: And I mean it's similar to the reward. Like the
Speaker 1: craving is about wanting the reward, and so I think
Speaker 1: you can say, like I think you can kind of
Speaker 1: sparse it out where you can figure out what's the
Speaker 1: reward I want and then connect that back to your
Speaker 1: values and insert that into craving. I think that will
Speaker 1: be really helpful for understanding like why you want that reward.
Speaker 1: Maybe not on something as simple as brushing your teeth,
Speaker 1: but like when we're talking about spending habits that can
Speaker 1: be really useful. Absolutely. Yeah. So then the next thing
Speaker 1: is response, so Q craving. Then we've got the response,
Speaker 1: which is the actual habit you perform. It's the response
Speaker 1: to the queue and the craving, and it depends. It
Speaker 1: does depend on are a bit city, the energy and
Speaker 1: effort it takes, and our degree of motivation. So again,
Speaker 1: thinking back to that path of least resistance, sometimes these
Speaker 1: habits that we have that don't feel super beneficial to
Speaker 1: us might have to do with the level of energy
Speaker 1: ability that it takes. So, and he uses an example
Speaker 1: later on in the article, like you could want to
Speaker 1: have a habit of every time you play basketball, you
Speaker 1: like you dunk, but if you can't, if you can't
Speaker 1: jump and reach the basketball hoop, like you're out of luck.
Speaker 1: So when we talk about shifting some of these habits
Speaker 1: that we also have to be realistic about ability, energy
Speaker 1: that it takes. How attainable is this? But that's what
Speaker 1: the response is, the actual action. Yes, and then we
Speaker 1: have reward, which we just said is the satisfaction of
Speaker 1: the craving. So that's a habit. And then the reason
Speaker 1: it's a loop is because if we get the reward
Speaker 1: and the reward is satisfying, then the next time the
Speaker 1: que comes up, we repeat it. And so that's again
Speaker 1: why these are mindless and frequent, not like once a
Speaker 1: year or once a month things that you have to
Speaker 1: schedule in. These are automatic and you don't have to
Speaker 1: think about it because your brain is tired because you've
Speaker 1: used a dent of it. Yeah, and then he utilizes
Speaker 1: this term that this becomes the Q craving response reward
Speaker 1: becomes a neurological feedback loop once once this happens enough
Speaker 1: and we correlate the reward really back to whatever that
Speaker 1: que was that creates that feedback loop in our brains,
Speaker 1: and so that's that, that's that river flowing through the mountains.
Speaker 1: We are then more and more likely to keep doing
Speaker 1: that thing because our brain then starts to make that
Speaker 1: connection and we want to keep closing that loop. We
Speaker 1: want to keep engaging in that loop, closing that loop,
Speaker 1: and it's really training our brains to engage in this
Speaker 1: pattern of behavior. Yeah. So then he gives to frameworks,
Speaker 1: which is essentially one framework, but it's called the four
Speaker 1: Laws of behavior change. And so these are the rules
Speaker 1: for creating good habits and breaking bad ones. He says bad.
Speaker 1: But but i've we tend to see it as just like,
Speaker 1: how do we replace a limiting habit with a I
Speaker 1: don't know, more efficient habit or just not even better habit,
Speaker 1: but a habit that gets us to our unique goals faster.
Speaker 1: And so he he says, focus on the good habit. First,
Speaker 1: figure out what the bad habit is, figure out what
Speaker 1: a better habit is to replace it with, then make
Speaker 1: a plan for incorporating that habit and so the for
Speaker 1: laws for the good habit, I don't want to use
Speaker 1: the words good and bad, but they're just the ones
Speaker 1: that automatically using beneficial un beneficial. Yeah yeah, yeah, um.
Speaker 1: So it has to be correlates with each part of
Speaker 1: the habit loot, so make it obvious. Make the Q obvious.
Speaker 1: So you have to be able. That Q has to
Speaker 1: be obvious. The craving has to be attractive, which is
Speaker 1: why I think it's perfect to associate it with core values,
Speaker 1: because those are internal motivators that are far more powerful
Speaker 1: than external motivators. Make it easy, So the habit has
Speaker 1: to be easy. We have to start with easy habits,
Speaker 1: and then the reward has to be satisfying. So if
Speaker 1: it correlates to a core value, it is more naturally satisfying.
Speaker 1: If you can none of this is a hundred percent.
Speaker 1: This is just like frameworks that are helpful, and sometimes
Speaker 1: I think with new habits we want to incorporate, we
Speaker 1: don't always receive the satisfaction immediately, and I think that's
Speaker 1: part of why we need to be implementing this on
Speaker 1: a regular basis, and of the satisfaction of it comes
Speaker 1: in time as we continue to engage in this and
Speaker 1: make it a new habit. Right, so exercise comes to mind.
Speaker 1: He may not experience the satisfaction of the first day
Speaker 1: of exercise. It might just be pain and turmoil, but
Speaker 1: by day thirty you might be seeing some of the
Speaker 1: satisfaction and reward, which can also then help you to
Speaker 1: keep engaging in that exercise habit. Yeah, I mean that's
Speaker 1: such a good point. Like, so, my most recent habit
Speaker 1: that I wanted to implement was to work out more.
Speaker 1: I was already working out two to three days a week,
Speaker 1: but I really over the summer, over eight weeks, I
Speaker 1: wanted to go like five or six days a week.
Speaker 1: I just wanted to set up a time where I
Speaker 1: was going more like not sustainably, like I can't sustain
Speaker 1: five six days a week, but I wanted to try
Speaker 1: it just for a set amount of time because and
Speaker 1: this is another myth, it doesn't take twenty one days
Speaker 1: to form a habit. I think that is more general
Speaker 1: knowledge now than the ten percent one. But I think
Speaker 1: I was telling you now it's UM. The reason the
Speaker 1: twenty one day thing was they came up with it
Speaker 1: is because of a academic article that was sent from
Speaker 1: UM doctors who like readd people's faces. It took their
Speaker 1: patients and average of twenty one days to get used
Speaker 1: to the reconstruction of their face. And so that's it
Speaker 1: was misconstrued over all of these years to be to
Speaker 1: be this habit rule. But recent studies have shown that
Speaker 1: it actually takes an average of sixties six days, so
Speaker 1: I mean, and one was as short as eighteen days
Speaker 1: to build a habit. So and science has also shown
Speaker 1: her studies have also shown that it's more so repetition
Speaker 1: that in gre it is a habit than it is
Speaker 1: our desire to get the habit. So this is totally
Speaker 1: different from our values. It's just it's repetition. That's how
Speaker 1: we can get to these things that we have a
Speaker 1: habit of doing but don't particularly want to do. Don't
Speaker 1: serve our habits. And so if you can do something
Speaker 1: over sixty six days and maybe do it, I don't know,
Speaker 1: forty five times, either forty five days in a row
Speaker 1: or forty five days over you know, two months or whatever,
Speaker 1: that's a better indicator that you will stick with it
Speaker 1: long term. And so for me, I for eight weeks,
Speaker 1: I went to the gym mostly five days a week,
Speaker 1: some days were four, but mostly five days a week.
Speaker 1: And now that my little challenge for myself is over.
Speaker 1: Now I want to go to the gym like five
Speaker 1: days a week. I want to do that. My body
Speaker 1: is like, please give me rest. But I now desire
Speaker 1: that it became a habit where I drop Kai off,
Speaker 1: I go to the gym, I come home, shower, and
Speaker 1: start work, and I love that routine. Well, I think
Speaker 1: that's something that I like about these laws of behavior
Speaker 1: change is that we do get to decide what they are.
Speaker 1: So we do have an incredible amount of power and
Speaker 1: influence over the establishment of new habits and the elimination
Speaker 1: of non beneficial habits. But what James Clear is saying
Speaker 1: is we can decide what the queue is going to be.
Speaker 1: We can make the craving be attractive, we can make
Speaker 1: it easy, we can make it satisfying. And so some
Speaker 1: of this might just then intertwine with our own perspective
Speaker 1: that the reward attached to. If we're just going to
Speaker 1: keep using exercises as an example, it doesn't have to
Speaker 1: be that I see immediate changes in my body. The
Speaker 1: reward could be I have made a healthy decision for myself.
Speaker 1: I accomplished a goal today. There's the self satisfaction in that. Right.
Speaker 1: We can decide what the reward is as long as
Speaker 1: we know that it is a motivating reward for us. Whatever.
Speaker 1: We need to find something though that we can attach
Speaker 1: to it that is going to help us continue to
Speaker 1: do this thing. But yes, some of it is just repetition,
Speaker 1: just continuing to do it. But at least allow the
Speaker 1: fact that I engaged in that new habit, this thing
Speaker 1: that I'm trying to make a habit, I did it,
Speaker 1: I engaged in it. Allow that to be a self
Speaker 1: satisfactory thing to say to your to you, I did it,
Speaker 1: and I'm gonna do it again tomorrow. Yes, but I
Speaker 1: also like how he says that we can utilize this
Speaker 1: in the invert this right, So where we're trying to
Speaker 1: make new habits, this is also where we can eliminate
Speaker 1: bad habits. So with the queue, it is eliminating like
Speaker 1: not not making it so obvious, it is making it,
Speaker 1: making it attractive, not making it easy, not making it satisfying. Right, Like,
Speaker 1: what is the opposite of this thing? That's what we
Speaker 1: would do with each of those que craving responsive rewards.
Speaker 1: You can't always make the que invisible obviously, Like I
Speaker 1: can't stop leaving work, but you can. You can work
Speaker 1: on the other things, Like you can explore your core
Speaker 1: values or explore who you are and what you want
Speaker 1: to be and develop those internal motivators that change what
Speaker 1: your cravings are. The more you learn about yourself, the
Speaker 1: more you know what you really want, what you really
Speaker 1: don't want, so some of those cravings will go away. Um,
Speaker 1: the more intentionally you are about doing that. I mean
Speaker 1: you can also take a different route home from work,
Speaker 1: or leave at a different time of day, or you know,
Speaker 1: a number of things. So there are ways to shake
Speaker 1: up been these quote unquote laws of habit change, But
Speaker 1: I love how it's it's first you, you know, you
Speaker 1: figure out what your habits are, and second, like you
Speaker 1: figure out once you've decided on a habit you want
Speaker 1: to change, first figure out what's the closest thing to
Speaker 1: that that you can replace it with. Because I don't
Speaker 1: did was it with you that I was talking about
Speaker 1: leaving the hole in the Oh? Yes, I think it
Speaker 1: was in our YouTube video where it's like if you
Speaker 1: dig a hole out and you just you know, to
Speaker 1: leave the whole, it's going to fill back up with
Speaker 1: something with rain or other dirt or something, you know.
Speaker 1: But say you dig a hole and you put a
Speaker 1: bowl in there, then that hole is going to you know,
Speaker 1: be there. It might, you know, the bowl might you know,
Speaker 1: have filled up with some sand or something, but the
Speaker 1: hole in the dirt will still be there because you've
Speaker 1: replaced their, you know, the gap with something. And so
Speaker 1: it's kind of the same with habit improving is that
Speaker 1: you have to take If you want to take something out,
Speaker 1: you have to first figure out what you're going to
Speaker 1: replace it with so that you can have that on deck.
Speaker 1: And so we first we figure out what that equal
Speaker 1: but different habit is going to be. We figure out
Speaker 1: how we make that attractive and satisfying, and then we
Speaker 1: think about, okay, so now how do I make the
Speaker 1: old habit unattractive and less visible and stuff. So I
Speaker 1: love that there's some creativity to take and problem solving
Speaker 1: and understanding of self, because how I might make something obvious, attractive, easy,
Speaker 1: and satisfying might be different from how you do it.
Speaker 1: Jen even if the goal habit is similar, what is
Speaker 1: going to seem rewarding and satisfying to each of us
Speaker 1: might be different. So, yeah, there's definitely a personalization, individualization
Speaker 1: to this creativity problem solving, and we love that. And
Speaker 1: of course we can we can learn from one another
Speaker 1: in this community of how do you implement new habits?
Speaker 1: How did you eliminate other habits? Sometimes it does take
Speaker 1: community to really understand how can I implement on this
Speaker 1: tool I've been given. Yeah, I mean it doesn't have
Speaker 1: to just be for spending habits. Um like we said
Speaker 1: at the top of the episode, this is obviously, you know,
Speaker 1: for everything, like most recently I was using it for
Speaker 1: the exercise, but I mean this can be for doing
Speaker 1: a side hustle or for probably maybe less like like
Speaker 1: actions that can cost money, like perusing a store whenever
Speaker 1: you like an online store, whenever you get bored. So
Speaker 1: think of the like actions that can cost you money
Speaker 1: or make you money, and this can be relevant for
Speaker 1: changing those habits as well. Yeah. Yeah, as we talk
Speaker 1: about spending habits and areas where we can cut I
Speaker 1: know we've talked about this before, but just you know,
Speaker 1: simple tip. I I find that I used to just
Speaker 1: shop the whole grocery store, like I just go up
Speaker 1: and down aisles, and then I realized, like I don't
Speaker 1: need to go up and down every aisle if I
Speaker 1: shop the perimeter, that's that making the queue invisible. I
Speaker 1: don't need the stuff in the middle of the grocery store,
Speaker 1: So how about I just not go there and then
Speaker 1: I'm not buying the things that are there? Ye? Absolutely,
Speaker 1: But you know what, I never want to make invisible.
Speaker 1: This is a habit that is good and life giving.
Speaker 1: I love the queue that precedes this and the reward
Speaker 1: of the bill of the week. That's right, it's time
Speaker 1: for the best minute of your entire week. Maybe a
Speaker 1: baby was born and his name is William. Maybe you
Speaker 1: paid off your mortgage. Maybe your car died and you're
Speaker 1: happy to not have to pay that bill anymore. That's
Speaker 1: bill Buffalo bills, bill clean This is the bill of
Speaker 1: the week. So this is my bill of the week.
Speaker 1: It's been stressing me out all week. Is that I
Speaker 1: recently moved out of a home that's two bed, two
Speaker 1: bath square feet, and I hired a cleaner because the
Speaker 1: owner of the house would be moving back in. I
Speaker 1: had only live there for eight months the house, mind you,
Speaker 1: the house had also been cleaned professionally in September and December,
Speaker 1: when I got the invoice from this lady. She claimed
Speaker 1: to have cleaned for seventeen and a half hours and
Speaker 1: I owed her over five dollars. She said she didn't
Speaker 1: take a lunch break and I quote and not a
Speaker 1: single potty break. So I'm not quite sure what to
Speaker 1: do about it because the previous cleaner took four hours
Speaker 1: to do the same job, and this lady also claimed
Speaker 1: to have taken out every single light bulb and cleaned
Speaker 1: each lightbulb. So if you all have any suggestions about
Speaker 1: how I can handle this, that would be awesome. Thank you.
Speaker 1: This is the first advice bill. We bet it is,
Speaker 1: but both of Jed and I just like jaw dropped,
Speaker 1: especially at the lightbulb part well and the potty part.
Speaker 1: I can't get past that. That's on her. She chose
Speaker 1: not to take a lunch breaker potty break, and I
Speaker 1: think if you have something to compare it to like,
Speaker 1: you should make your intentions known up front and be
Speaker 1: like it. I had this professionally cleaned in September and
Speaker 1: she built me for this many hours, so this is
Speaker 1: kind of this is what I expect for this one.
Speaker 1: And you know, she was able to clean the entire
Speaker 1: house doing these and surely you agree on what they're
Speaker 1: going to do before they do it. So like, if
Speaker 1: you didn't need every single light bulb cleaned then and
Speaker 1: that wasn't in the description of what you'd be getting,
Speaker 1: then you can argue that you don't have to pay
Speaker 1: for that. I think it's easier because you have something
Speaker 1: to compare it to. If you don't, then you can
Speaker 1: kind of argue like, hey, this was your list of services,
Speaker 1: this is what I paid for. This seems outside of
Speaker 1: the scope of what I agreed to that would be mine. Yeah,
Speaker 1: I would encourage you to go back to whatever communication
Speaker 1: you did have it recognize a lot of time with
Speaker 1: cleaning jobs, we don't have signed contracts, but if there
Speaker 1: is a text message or email exchange, just to go
Speaker 1: back and reread what was asked of her. What did
Speaker 1: she communicate she was going to do. I mean, seventeen
Speaker 1: hours of cleaning is in my estimation, really above and
Speaker 1: beyond what one time being in a home would be.
Speaker 1: So how do you even and there, like the day
Speaker 1: of being there, there is something unusual happening there. So
Speaker 1: just I would encourage you utilize the communication that you
Speaker 1: already have and see where there's room for negotiation with
Speaker 1: this woman. Certainly, don't have her come back again if
Speaker 1: she's charging you things you're not you're not comfortable paying,
Speaker 1: but hopefully you can find a reasonable agreement between the
Speaker 1: two of you. I'm so sorry that this bill has
Speaker 1: been stressing you out. I'm so sorry, but yeah, I mean,
Speaker 1: and if anybody else kind of deals with this. With
Speaker 1: service providers, it can be hard to figure out the
Speaker 1: time that they actually did work. You can't kind of
Speaker 1: micro manage them. But you can ask around and see
Speaker 1: okay for this, and you can get different quotes from
Speaker 1: different companies and be like, Okay, I have this that
Speaker 1: I need done. How many hours do you anticipate that
Speaker 1: taking and get it from their mouths? If you know,
Speaker 1: if somebody comes to you and says, okay for this
Speaker 1: job in this square footage, I anticipate four to five hours,
Speaker 1: and then they come back at you with a bill
Speaker 1: for seventeen like you you know, that's insane. But yeah,
Speaker 1: we don't just get to go into people's homes do
Speaker 1: what we want and then expect to be paid for
Speaker 1: it if that wasn't what was agreed upon. So it
Speaker 1: just yeah, it's a matter of what was communicated from
Speaker 1: the start. Yeah. Absolutely, Well, if you have a bill
Speaker 1: question or you want to share a bill with us,
Speaker 1: then please share it and and we will you know,
Speaker 1: we'll ask abbey it, I guess, ask Jen and Jill
Speaker 1: and you can submit that at Frugal Friends podcast dot
Speaker 1: com slash bill. Now it's time for So we are,
Speaker 1: like we said, doing a forty five day Habit challenge
Speaker 1: in Club BFF starting November one, and so we will
Speaker 1: be opening that up. If you want to join and
Speaker 1: do that with us, you're going to get our our
Speaker 1: forty five Day Habit Challenge workbook, and more more than that,
Speaker 1: you're going to get the availability of like a small
Speaker 1: group accountability matching. So that is a really big incentive
Speaker 1: for joining Club BFF. But so we wanted to share
Speaker 1: the habits we are going to be working on during
Speaker 1: the forty day Habit Challenge. Jill, I read what yours is.
Speaker 1: I don't know if that's first or second, because I'm
Speaker 1: um flow sing. I'm not gonna lie. It's a habit
Speaker 1: that I really want to build and implement. I have begun.
Speaker 1: I think that the forty five day Habit Challenge is
Speaker 1: really going to help me stick to it. But I
Speaker 1: just recently went to get my teeth clean, which had
Speaker 1: not happened in five years. You guys, authenticity. Jen loves
Speaker 1: vulnerability and authenticity for the lightning round, So I'm giving
Speaker 1: it to you right like, and kind of vulnerability I
Speaker 1: had not been in five years. And I went to
Speaker 1: a dental hygiene school, so where these young bucks are
Speaker 1: learning the trade of dental hygiene. And I went and
Speaker 1: allowed them. So it ended up being that they you
Speaker 1: get a three hour appointment. I'm totally going off script here,
Speaker 1: but here you go. They give you a three hour
Speaker 1: appointment and you get your X rays and cleaning, and
Speaker 1: dentists are coming in and checking their work and all this.
Speaker 1: So yes, you do like sacrifice time for the very
Speaker 1: very low rate of a dentist appointment. But she told
Speaker 1: me that my death were so dirty that I needed
Speaker 1: to come back again for another three hour pointment. So
Speaker 1: within one week I sat in this girl's chair for
Speaker 1: six hours while she worked inside my mouth. Yeah, she
Speaker 1: almost replaced me as the frugal friend because Virgil got
Speaker 1: so close. Almost almost. Oh But anyhow, I think this
Speaker 1: then highlighted for me that flossing is going to be important.
Speaker 1: I mean, mind you all, there were no cavities, So
Speaker 1: I am a little bit proud of myself there. And
Speaker 1: that's probably just like d n A. I got it
Speaker 1: from my mama, but she gave me some really helpful
Speaker 1: tips well, or reasons to floss. She's like, you know,
Speaker 1: you've flost the front the back of your teeth. It's
Speaker 1: not always about just getting food out. It's also about
Speaker 1: disrupting the bacteria. And for whatever reason, that's stuck with
Speaker 1: me and I have been trying to make my apprentice
Speaker 1: dental hygiene woman proud of me. So I am trying
Speaker 1: to floss on the rag. My cue is putting the
Speaker 1: floss right next to my two brush. My craving is
Speaker 1: to make this woman who was in my mouth for
Speaker 1: six hours proud. My response is flossing, and my reward
Speaker 1: is that good clean feeling and making this woman proud
Speaker 1: of me and disrupting the bacteria. Honest to goodness. Every
Speaker 1: time like that replays in my head, like I disrupted
Speaker 1: the bacteria. I disrupted the bacteria. That's so fun fun.
Speaker 1: So all my other friends who out there floss in
Speaker 1: the good kind of floss in that leaves your teeth clean,
Speaker 1: give me up. Let's talk about it. Let's keep motivating
Speaker 1: each other in this habit. How about you, Jen, how
Speaker 1: about your altruistic like incredible goal? Stop it um? So
Speaker 1: I so my goal is to actually read the Bible more.
Speaker 1: And I mean, Jill, you are inspiring to me doing
Speaker 1: this more regularly. But I, yeah, have gotten out of
Speaker 1: that habit and I feel like it, um for a
Speaker 1: lot of beneficial reasons that if you are somebody who
Speaker 1: reads the Bible or enjoys the Bible would understand. And
Speaker 1: so I've just been kind of feeling spiritually drained over
Speaker 1: and I mean a lot of and I think I've
Speaker 1: been trying to like muscle through my life myself. And
Speaker 1: I've always been, you know, very encouraging to other people
Speaker 1: to let go of things and give you know, give
Speaker 1: that up. And what happens happens happens for a reason.
Speaker 1: Yet I am, um not great at taking my own advice.
Speaker 1: And so in order to get back to the core
Speaker 1: of like why I do what I do and who
Speaker 1: I do it for, Like that is the habit that
Speaker 1: I will be working on for forty five days and
Speaker 1: I've already started. That's what happens when you were like
Speaker 1: writing the workbook, is that you start implementing it early, Santa. Yeah,
Speaker 1: you have to do it yourself if you're going to
Speaker 1: tell other people to do it. And so I am
Speaker 1: currently on a three day streak. My queue is I
Speaker 1: set my alarm at six in and I will actually
Speaker 1: I snooze it for five minutes as classic. And but
Speaker 1: in the five minutes, like I figure, if I'm gonna
Speaker 1: I'm gonna pray first, I might as well be in
Speaker 1: bed with my eyes closed, you know. In yeah, that's
Speaker 1: what I do for five minutes, and then the snooze
Speaker 1: goes off, and then I get up and um, you know,
Speaker 1: make myself some coffee and do that and un till
Speaker 1: seven and then I'll you know, get myself ready and
Speaker 1: kaye ready. The craving is obviously two is a stronger
Speaker 1: spiritual connection. And then the reward is you know, just
Speaker 1: having that. You know, I think that's part of our
Speaker 1: our being is to you know, want spiritual connection, and
Speaker 1: that is what I want. It's beautiful, gen. I support
Speaker 1: you and encourage you in this endeavor. I think even
Speaker 1: the practice of having an hour of stillness before, especially
Speaker 1: as a mother, before you get your child out of bed.
Speaker 1: My goodness, the mental, emotional, relational, spiritual benefits of this
Speaker 1: practice are incredible. But yeah, so often it's so hard
Speaker 1: to get sleep, just as such a powerful desire. But yeah, cool,
Speaker 1: I'm excited to follow this journey for you. Me too. Yeah,
Speaker 1: we'll see three days strong. Well, everyone, thank you so
Speaker 1: much for listening. We love hanging out with you, while
Speaker 1: we hope that this was a helpful episode for you.
Speaker 1: If you've got habits that you're trying to build or
Speaker 1: trying to eliminate, definitely hang out with us in the
Speaker 1: Frugal Friends community on Facebook, hit us up on Instagram.
Speaker 1: We we love to hear more, learn more, problem solved together,
Speaker 1: so do that. But we also want to thank you
Speaker 1: for your kind of views on iTunes and stitch. You're
Speaker 1: like this one. It comes from Heim's Hymns happens to
Speaker 1: be five stars hem Niece. Yeah fantastic. I love this
Speaker 1: podcast so much. Jen and Jill have given me great
Speaker 1: ideas and tidbits to apply to my own life and
Speaker 1: situation in every episode. I look forward to new episodes
Speaker 1: every week. Him this is my favorite part of that
Speaker 1: was the word tidbits given tidbits. Thank you. It could
Speaker 1: be like like air mez like that that, um m nez,
Speaker 1: I like that. I'm going to go with that hymnz.
Speaker 1: Thank you. We also want to thank um all of
Speaker 1: you who share these episodes on social media, were so
Speaker 1: appreciative for you spreading the words so that we can
Speaker 1: spread the message of conscious consumerism and improving habits with
Speaker 1: more people. Uh. And so when you share the latest
Speaker 1: episode and tag us on Facebook or Instagram, we're gonna
Speaker 1: add you to our monthly drawing where for every five
Speaker 1: tags and reviews we get each month, we give away
Speaker 1: a copy of the Frugal Friends workbook, which is no
Speaker 1: longer available for purchase. So yeah, that's just a little
Speaker 1: incentive exclusive reward. So keep leaving us our views on
Speaker 1: iTunes or Stitcher and send the screenshot to Frugal Friends
Speaker 1: Podcasts at gmail dot com. Don't forget to also tag
Speaker 1: us on social Feel free to make that one a habit.
Speaker 1: Every week after you listen, just share it on social media.
Speaker 1: It'll enter you for this reward. You'll also have the
Speaker 1: reward of our gratitude. And yeah, just giving back absolutely
Speaker 1: with that, we will see you next week. They Frugal
Speaker 1: Friends is produced by Eric Syrian. So is podcasting a
Speaker 1: habit for us? Like we do it weekly? It's a
Speaker 1: habit we do. We do it more than weekly. We
Speaker 1: put out an episode weekly. I don't know it starts
Speaker 1: to get so into the weeds, like because then then
Speaker 1: then what work is a habit? I work every day
Speaker 1: for Actually, I don't believe podcasting is a habit for us.
Speaker 1: It's a gift. We have to. We schedule it and
Speaker 1: we follow through with our schedule most of the time,
Speaker 1: unless we're sick. It's an endeavor. Yeah, you did not
Speaker 1: want to hear me or this episode a week and
Speaker 1: a half ago not been pleasant to your ears? Oh
Speaker 1: you were sick. How are you feeling now? Great? I
Speaker 1: feel great, back to normal, taking my immune boosters and
Speaker 1: so that I don't get sick between now and Tuesday
Speaker 1: when I fly out. Yes, I got to get there.
Speaker 1: I gotta get what those finn con p stretch. Yes,
Speaker 1: my money nerd. Yeah, this that will have already happened
Speaker 1: by the time this comes out. And um, so how
Speaker 1: was it? I so if you want to, I mean,
Speaker 1: I just got my fin con Um sweatshirt in the
Speaker 1: mail and it doesn't come from finn Coon, but it
Speaker 1: it says um, party now, work never, and I got
Speaker 1: it to wear it finn Con. So if you would
Speaker 1: like to see it, d M s And I will
Speaker 1: show you. Probably I'll find a picture of me wearing
Speaker 1: it at Fincon and I'll send it to you and
Speaker 1: I'll got to be like candid where somebody's looking at
Speaker 1: me weird um and I'm partying. You got it in
Speaker 1: the mail today. Are so proud of it. The thing
Speaker 1: that makes me laugh most about it. I mean, it's
Speaker 1: a funny sweatshirt, but it's also so incongruent with who
Speaker 1: you are. You do like to party, but I do
Speaker 1: love to party. But you party responsible in a planned
Speaker 1: manner and you work always, work, work always, so it's
Speaker 1: actually in short scheduled bursts once a year, party later.
Speaker 1: Work always is actually a little bit more while life
Speaker 1: is like for you. But one of the girls at
Speaker 1: my Jim she saw me after not having seen me
Speaker 1: since we went out, and she um, She playfully mocked
Speaker 1: me by dancing, and I was like, yes, this is
Speaker 1: how I want to be. No, like, this is how
Speaker 1: when you see me. I want you to think of
Speaker 1: that because of the time you and I went dancing. Yes, yes,
Speaker 1: that's how That's how they know me, and that's all.
Speaker 1: That's all they know that one one night, Jenn and
Speaker 1: I just let the frugal friends let loose, let our
Speaker 1: frugal freak flags friends fly. You're just trying to find
Speaker 1: all the alliteration there that was not on video, and
Speaker 1: it will net verbe, it'll never be