1 00:00:00,200 --> 00:00:03,720 Speaker 1: Hey, Elevation, I am so glad that you are worshiping 2 00:00:03,760 --> 00:00:06,680 Speaker 1: with us today. The Psalmist said, I was glad when 3 00:00:06,720 --> 00:00:09,760 Speaker 1: they said, unto me, let us go to the House 4 00:00:10,039 --> 00:00:12,520 Speaker 1: of the Lord. I know that you're happy to be 5 00:00:12,600 --> 00:00:15,080 Speaker 1: here today, no matter how you're watching, whether you're joining 6 00:00:15,160 --> 00:00:17,759 Speaker 1: us online or you're here at one of our campuses, 7 00:00:17,840 --> 00:00:21,800 Speaker 1: today is a very special day. Every time we come together, 8 00:00:21,880 --> 00:00:26,960 Speaker 1: it's special because there's nothing like gathering together with God's people. 9 00:00:27,000 --> 00:00:30,720 Speaker 1: The Lord is here with us. But today is extra 10 00:00:30,840 --> 00:00:36,159 Speaker 1: special because today is our pastor's birthday. And I have 11 00:00:36,320 --> 00:00:40,519 Speaker 1: to say, the older this man gets, the better he gets, 12 00:00:40,560 --> 00:00:43,640 Speaker 1: the wiser he gets. Each year his preaching gets better. 13 00:00:43,680 --> 00:00:46,440 Speaker 1: I don't even know how that's possible. And I must 14 00:00:46,440 --> 00:00:49,639 Speaker 1: say I think he's getting more ripped with each year too. 15 00:00:49,680 --> 00:00:53,080 Speaker 1: Can I say that I just did okay? But in 16 00:00:53,280 --> 00:00:56,880 Speaker 1: a chat, if you're watching with us online, happy birthday, 17 00:00:57,280 --> 00:01:01,040 Speaker 1: Pastor Stephen, and if you're sitting one of our campuses, 18 00:01:01,160 --> 00:01:05,520 Speaker 1: look at your neighbor and say, how about this new series. 19 00:01:06,680 --> 00:01:09,360 Speaker 1: I'm feeling extra blessed because the first few weeks of 20 00:01:09,360 --> 00:01:11,720 Speaker 1: the year we got to learn how to do the 21 00:01:11,840 --> 00:01:15,039 Speaker 1: new you, and then last week Stephen told us that 22 00:01:15,160 --> 00:01:17,920 Speaker 1: in the coming weeks he's going to be using the 23 00:01:17,959 --> 00:01:22,119 Speaker 1: Book of Joshua to show us there's more to the story. Guys, 24 00:01:22,280 --> 00:01:27,759 Speaker 1: he was on fire last week forward not finished. If 25 00:01:27,800 --> 00:01:30,160 Speaker 1: you missed it, you gotta catch up. I told you 26 00:01:30,240 --> 00:01:33,800 Speaker 1: he gets better with age. So today we're not going 27 00:01:33,880 --> 00:01:36,039 Speaker 1: to make the birthday boy preach, but we do have 28 00:01:36,120 --> 00:01:39,440 Speaker 1: a special treat for you. My dear friend Lisa Turkis 29 00:01:39,480 --> 00:01:42,600 Speaker 1: is going to be bringing the message today. Lisa is 30 00:01:42,640 --> 00:01:46,320 Speaker 1: no stranger to Elevation. She actually lives here in Charlotte 31 00:01:46,400 --> 00:01:48,920 Speaker 1: and she joins us at Elevation when she's not out 32 00:01:49,160 --> 00:01:53,120 Speaker 1: preaching at other churches and doing events. She's the president 33 00:01:53,160 --> 00:01:56,200 Speaker 1: of Proverbs thirty one Ministries and the author of more 34 00:01:56,240 --> 00:02:00,000 Speaker 1: than twenty five books. She just released her newest book 35 00:02:00,120 --> 00:02:04,160 Speaker 1: called Good Boundaries and Goodbyes, and I cannot wait to 36 00:02:04,240 --> 00:02:06,440 Speaker 1: hear what the Lord has laid on her heart to 37 00:02:06,520 --> 00:02:08,680 Speaker 1: teach us today. So will you put your hands together 38 00:02:09,040 --> 00:02:19,160 Speaker 1: and help me welcome Lisa to the seat. Hi, well, Hi, 39 00:02:19,720 --> 00:02:22,960 Speaker 1: good morning, good morning. What a joy it is to 40 00:02:23,080 --> 00:02:26,360 Speaker 1: be here with you. You guys can be seated. Thank you, 41 00:02:26,880 --> 00:02:29,400 Speaker 1: It's such an honor to be here. At my home 42 00:02:29,480 --> 00:02:34,400 Speaker 1: church speaking, and I'll be honest, I am kind of 43 00:02:34,440 --> 00:02:38,160 Speaker 1: relieved Pastor Stephen's not seated on the front row. You know, 44 00:02:38,240 --> 00:02:41,920 Speaker 1: I speak everywhere, but when I speak and he's seated 45 00:02:41,960 --> 00:02:43,359 Speaker 1: right in front of me, that's a little bit of 46 00:02:43,400 --> 00:02:47,040 Speaker 1: a daunting situation. So although he did text me and 47 00:02:47,080 --> 00:02:49,440 Speaker 1: say he's watching online, so then it kind of killed 48 00:02:49,480 --> 00:02:54,040 Speaker 1: my relaxation with all of that. So, Pastor Stephen, wherever 49 00:02:54,120 --> 00:02:56,800 Speaker 1: you're watching from, I just say happy birthday to you, 50 00:02:56,840 --> 00:02:59,440 Speaker 1: and thank you, thank you for what you give us 51 00:02:59,480 --> 00:03:02,560 Speaker 1: each week, and thank you for just being an incredible leader. 52 00:03:02,560 --> 00:03:11,280 Speaker 1: Can we all thank Pastor Stephen one more time? So 53 00:03:11,360 --> 00:03:15,040 Speaker 1: today I'm going to be talking about boundaries, and we 54 00:03:15,080 --> 00:03:19,720 Speaker 1: can't talk about boundaries unless we talk about dysfunction, right, 55 00:03:20,320 --> 00:03:25,080 Speaker 1: And how many of us dance with dysfunction in our relationships. 56 00:03:25,160 --> 00:03:29,960 Speaker 1: Now here's the thing about dysfunction. We all have it. 57 00:03:31,480 --> 00:03:34,760 Speaker 1: And here's I could literally just hand the microphone down 58 00:03:34,800 --> 00:03:37,240 Speaker 1: here and you could tell me about your dysfunction and 59 00:03:37,880 --> 00:03:40,000 Speaker 1: in your family. You could tell me about the dysfunctions 60 00:03:40,000 --> 00:03:42,360 Speaker 1: in your family, and you know you certainly could too. 61 00:03:42,440 --> 00:03:44,920 Speaker 1: We could just keep passing around the microphone and if 62 00:03:44,920 --> 00:03:48,040 Speaker 1: we got to someone and they said, no, absolutely, there 63 00:03:48,120 --> 00:03:52,840 Speaker 1: is no dysfunction. They might be the dysfunction. So we 64 00:03:52,880 --> 00:03:56,800 Speaker 1: are not going to do that. But where there's dysfunction, 65 00:03:57,720 --> 00:04:02,040 Speaker 1: there's often chaos. And where there is chaos, that's an 66 00:04:02,080 --> 00:04:06,160 Speaker 1: indication that there is a need for a boundary in 67 00:04:06,200 --> 00:04:08,720 Speaker 1: our relationships. Now, I know a lot of us hear 68 00:04:08,720 --> 00:04:11,160 Speaker 1: the word boundary and or attempted to just sort of 69 00:04:11,200 --> 00:04:14,440 Speaker 1: cross our arms and push back a little bit. And 70 00:04:14,520 --> 00:04:17,280 Speaker 1: I get it because I would have thought the same 71 00:04:17,320 --> 00:04:20,560 Speaker 1: thing before I studied boundaries like I have for the 72 00:04:20,600 --> 00:04:25,400 Speaker 1: past many years. And here's why, Because I think many 73 00:04:25,440 --> 00:04:30,440 Speaker 1: of us have had boundaries used in unhelpful and unhealthy ways. 74 00:04:31,240 --> 00:04:34,240 Speaker 1: Maybe you've had somebody try to put a boundary on 75 00:04:34,279 --> 00:04:37,120 Speaker 1: you to try to control you, or to try to 76 00:04:37,160 --> 00:04:41,080 Speaker 1: manipulate you, or to try to punish you. And so 77 00:04:41,080 --> 00:04:43,599 Speaker 1: sometimes we hear the word boundary, we take this step 78 00:04:43,640 --> 00:04:45,880 Speaker 1: back and we just think, no, somebody did that to 79 00:04:45,920 --> 00:04:50,080 Speaker 1: me once and it was utterly detrimental to my relationship. 80 00:04:51,400 --> 00:04:55,680 Speaker 1: Or maybe some of us we've tried to implement boundaries 81 00:04:55,720 --> 00:04:59,080 Speaker 1: in our relationships, and we try to put a boundary 82 00:04:59,120 --> 00:05:01,840 Speaker 1: on another person. Don't do it to try to control them, 83 00:05:01,880 --> 00:05:04,760 Speaker 1: but maybe we have tried to do it to change them, 84 00:05:06,400 --> 00:05:11,200 Speaker 1: and we got so frustrated because we realized that ultimately 85 00:05:11,960 --> 00:05:16,119 Speaker 1: we can't change another person. You see, I think I've 86 00:05:16,200 --> 00:05:20,360 Speaker 1: been in both of these camps, and I was absolutely 87 00:05:20,400 --> 00:05:23,800 Speaker 1: convinced that I wasn't a girl that boundaries would really 88 00:05:23,880 --> 00:05:27,840 Speaker 1: work for. But the biggest reason that I had an 89 00:05:27,880 --> 00:05:31,720 Speaker 1: issue with boundaries is I didn't have the biblical confidence 90 00:05:31,800 --> 00:05:35,640 Speaker 1: that God was okay with humans drawing boundaries. And I 91 00:05:35,680 --> 00:05:38,679 Speaker 1: also didn't have the emotional fortitude. Even if I thought 92 00:05:38,720 --> 00:05:42,200 Speaker 1: I needed a boundary, I didn't have the emotional fortitude 93 00:05:42,240 --> 00:05:45,840 Speaker 1: to actually communicate the boundary, implement the boundary, and then 94 00:05:45,880 --> 00:05:50,680 Speaker 1: stay consistent with the boundary. And so I continue a 95 00:05:50,800 --> 00:05:55,120 Speaker 1: very dysfunctional dance in some of my most important relationships. 96 00:05:55,160 --> 00:05:58,320 Speaker 1: So today I do have a message that I want 97 00:05:58,320 --> 00:06:01,680 Speaker 1: to preach and teach, but mostly I just want to 98 00:06:01,680 --> 00:06:06,240 Speaker 1: have a conversation, a conversation heart to heart with you, 99 00:06:07,400 --> 00:06:10,680 Speaker 1: because I know what it feels like to walk in 100 00:06:10,720 --> 00:06:15,200 Speaker 1: to this very place, this very church building, right here, 101 00:06:16,480 --> 00:06:22,919 Speaker 1: so broken hearted because my most significant relationship was unraveling, 102 00:06:25,440 --> 00:06:30,560 Speaker 1: and I desperately wanted to save my family. But I 103 00:06:30,600 --> 00:06:34,400 Speaker 1: couldn't be the only one to make changes, and so 104 00:06:34,520 --> 00:06:37,080 Speaker 1: I knew that boundaries were needed. But because I didn't 105 00:06:37,160 --> 00:06:41,040 Speaker 1: have the biblical confidence that boundaries were okay, nor did 106 00:06:41,080 --> 00:06:44,320 Speaker 1: I have the emotional fortitude, I just stayed in this 107 00:06:44,520 --> 00:06:50,159 Speaker 1: very dysfunctional dance and it almost killed me. So if 108 00:06:50,160 --> 00:06:53,960 Speaker 1: some of you have walked in here today and you're 109 00:06:54,040 --> 00:06:59,280 Speaker 1: kind of desperate in your heart because maybe it's one 110 00:06:59,279 --> 00:07:02,719 Speaker 1: of your most important relationships, or maybe it's just a 111 00:07:02,800 --> 00:07:06,520 Speaker 1: couple of relationships in your life, and you've hit that 112 00:07:06,720 --> 00:07:11,120 Speaker 1: spot where you say, I just can't take it anymore, 113 00:07:12,800 --> 00:07:16,200 Speaker 1: I want to assure you I've been right where you've been. 114 00:07:16,280 --> 00:07:19,040 Speaker 1: I've sat where you've sat, I've cried where you might cry, 115 00:07:20,440 --> 00:07:22,800 Speaker 1: And today I think I'm going to give you a 116 00:07:22,800 --> 00:07:28,520 Speaker 1: lot of hope now because we're talking about boundaries and dysfunction, 117 00:07:28,840 --> 00:07:32,600 Speaker 1: and maybe you're seated with some people and that you 118 00:07:32,720 --> 00:07:35,520 Speaker 1: do life with, and maybe that you have a like 119 00:07:35,600 --> 00:07:38,640 Speaker 1: some tension with. Sometimes we're gonna lay down a couple 120 00:07:38,640 --> 00:07:41,320 Speaker 1: of ground rules because I don't want you poking your 121 00:07:41,320 --> 00:07:44,120 Speaker 1: neighbor and saying did you hear her? You really need 122 00:07:44,120 --> 00:07:46,840 Speaker 1: to hear that. I mean, that was like straight from God, 123 00:07:46,880 --> 00:07:49,720 Speaker 1: to her to you. You know what I'm saying. And 124 00:07:49,800 --> 00:07:52,080 Speaker 1: so we're just gonna lay down some ground rules here. 125 00:07:52,160 --> 00:07:53,800 Speaker 1: So I want you to pick one of your neighbors 126 00:07:53,880 --> 00:07:58,320 Speaker 1: and repeat after me. This message is for me. I 127 00:07:58,360 --> 00:08:02,800 Speaker 1: will not use it against you. Okay. Now turn to 128 00:08:02,840 --> 00:08:05,560 Speaker 1: your second choice neighbor that they're not at all offended 129 00:08:05,600 --> 00:08:09,440 Speaker 1: you didn't pick them first, truly, and repeat after me 130 00:08:09,520 --> 00:08:13,280 Speaker 1: this message is for me, but you need it more, 131 00:08:17,280 --> 00:08:23,080 Speaker 1: Oh dear, Just in case, we haven't had any dysfunction 132 00:08:23,240 --> 00:08:26,000 Speaker 1: stirred up in our life recently, I just helped you out. Okay. 133 00:08:27,840 --> 00:08:31,040 Speaker 1: So here's part of the issue with dysfunction. We get 134 00:08:31,120 --> 00:08:34,080 Speaker 1: used to our own dysfunctions and we start calling things 135 00:08:34,080 --> 00:08:36,920 Speaker 1: that are dysfunctional normal because we've just lived in it 136 00:08:37,000 --> 00:08:40,480 Speaker 1: for so long. Right, My sister came to visit a 137 00:08:40,520 --> 00:08:43,360 Speaker 1: couple of years ago and we had just finished a 138 00:08:43,400 --> 00:08:46,960 Speaker 1: big renovation at our house. Now, if you're an electrician 139 00:08:47,080 --> 00:08:49,560 Speaker 1: or a plumber, this is not going to make sense 140 00:08:49,600 --> 00:08:53,040 Speaker 1: to you, but I promise you I'm absolutely telling the truth. 141 00:08:53,400 --> 00:08:58,240 Speaker 1: Somehow my hot water heater got connected to the back 142 00:08:58,320 --> 00:09:02,120 Speaker 1: floodlights of my house, so, in other words, we would 143 00:09:02,200 --> 00:09:04,319 Speaker 1: have hot water as long as the back flood lights 144 00:09:04,360 --> 00:09:07,240 Speaker 1: were on, but if you turned them off, the hot 145 00:09:07,280 --> 00:09:09,679 Speaker 1: water would go out. And I know that makes no sense, 146 00:09:09,720 --> 00:09:11,840 Speaker 1: but I am telling you the truth. That's what happened. 147 00:09:12,240 --> 00:09:14,760 Speaker 1: So when my sister came to visit, she'd driven quite 148 00:09:14,760 --> 00:09:17,520 Speaker 1: a ways and then she decided to go take a shower. 149 00:09:17,559 --> 00:09:20,520 Speaker 1: So she's in the middle of her shower and suddenly 150 00:09:20,520 --> 00:09:26,160 Speaker 1: I hear her like stumbling upstairs, opening the door, yelling downstairs, Lisa, 151 00:09:26,240 --> 00:09:31,120 Speaker 1: the hot water just went out, to which I replied, oh, okay, 152 00:09:31,320 --> 00:09:38,920 Speaker 1: I'll go turn on the back flood lights. So after 153 00:09:38,960 --> 00:09:42,600 Speaker 1: she finished her shower, she came downstairs and she got 154 00:09:42,640 --> 00:09:45,080 Speaker 1: really close to me, like a sister, would you know, 155 00:09:45,320 --> 00:09:47,560 Speaker 1: just right in my face, and she said, can you 156 00:09:47,600 --> 00:09:51,000 Speaker 1: please repeat to me what you said when I told 157 00:09:51,040 --> 00:09:54,120 Speaker 1: you the hot water was out? And I said, oh, 158 00:09:54,360 --> 00:09:57,079 Speaker 1: I said, it's because someone turned off the back flood light, 159 00:09:57,160 --> 00:09:58,880 Speaker 1: so I just needed to turn those on and then 160 00:09:58,920 --> 00:10:01,520 Speaker 1: you know, you eventually got hot water back. And then 161 00:10:01,520 --> 00:10:04,640 Speaker 1: she got even closer and she said, you know that's 162 00:10:04,720 --> 00:10:09,839 Speaker 1: not normal, right, You need to have that fixed. And 163 00:10:09,880 --> 00:10:12,840 Speaker 1: I said, I know, I've been meaning to make a 164 00:10:12,880 --> 00:10:15,760 Speaker 1: little sign and maybe even laminate it, and put it 165 00:10:15,880 --> 00:10:20,000 Speaker 1: by the light switch for the back floodlights, just instructing people, 166 00:10:20,120 --> 00:10:23,000 Speaker 1: I know I need to make that fix. And then 167 00:10:23,040 --> 00:10:25,280 Speaker 1: she just shook her head and walked away because she 168 00:10:25,440 --> 00:10:31,200 Speaker 1: realized I was dancing with dysfunction. I was calling something 169 00:10:31,280 --> 00:10:33,560 Speaker 1: normal that was not normal, and it was time to 170 00:10:33,600 --> 00:10:36,920 Speaker 1: call in the professionals, but instead I did what's called 171 00:10:36,920 --> 00:10:39,520 Speaker 1: a workaround. Now, let me tell you why I did 172 00:10:39,520 --> 00:10:43,600 Speaker 1: the workaround. I grew up really poor, and when you 173 00:10:43,920 --> 00:10:46,839 Speaker 1: grow up in that way, you don't have money to 174 00:10:46,920 --> 00:10:49,840 Speaker 1: hire the professionals. So when things get broken, you do 175 00:10:49,920 --> 00:10:54,400 Speaker 1: what's called a workaround. Right, So it didn't really occur 176 00:10:54,520 --> 00:10:57,600 Speaker 1: to me that there was another way to fix it 177 00:10:58,040 --> 00:11:01,000 Speaker 1: besides just putting a sign up. But that wasn't really 178 00:11:01,040 --> 00:11:05,480 Speaker 1: fixing it. That's dancing with dysfunction. And I think a 179 00:11:05,480 --> 00:11:07,960 Speaker 1: lot of us are doing that in our relationships. And 180 00:11:08,000 --> 00:11:10,760 Speaker 1: so today I want to give you a picture of 181 00:11:10,800 --> 00:11:14,600 Speaker 1: what healthy boundaries really look like, so that we can 182 00:11:14,640 --> 00:11:20,360 Speaker 1: stop dancing with dysfunction some of our most important relationships. Now, 183 00:11:21,000 --> 00:11:24,840 Speaker 1: remember I said that I didn't have the biblical confidence 184 00:11:24,920 --> 00:11:28,920 Speaker 1: that God was okay with boundaries, So I decided to 185 00:11:29,360 --> 00:11:34,200 Speaker 1: open up the Bible right in Genesis one. And you know, 186 00:11:34,240 --> 00:11:35,640 Speaker 1: if you have your Bible and you want to open 187 00:11:35,640 --> 00:11:37,640 Speaker 1: it up, you can turn to Genesis one. Isn't that 188 00:11:37,880 --> 00:11:41,000 Speaker 1: so fun when the preacher or the teacher says, turn 189 00:11:41,080 --> 00:11:43,240 Speaker 1: to Genesis one because you can actually find it. I 190 00:11:43,320 --> 00:11:49,559 Speaker 1: just love it. You're welcome, okay. So Genesis chapter one, 191 00:11:49,920 --> 00:11:55,319 Speaker 1: starting in verse two, Now the earth was formless and empty. 192 00:11:55,559 --> 00:11:58,040 Speaker 1: Darkness was over the surface of the deep, and the 193 00:11:58,080 --> 00:12:02,080 Speaker 1: spirit of God was hovering over the world. And God said, 194 00:12:02,200 --> 00:12:05,440 Speaker 1: let there be light. And there was light. God saw 195 00:12:05,559 --> 00:12:09,640 Speaker 1: that the light was good, and he separated. Everybody say separated, 196 00:12:10,480 --> 00:12:14,400 Speaker 1: and he separated the light from the darkness. That separation 197 00:12:14,679 --> 00:12:18,720 Speaker 1: was a boundary. And then it says in verse five, 198 00:12:18,760 --> 00:12:21,199 Speaker 1: God called the light day, and the darkness he called night. 199 00:12:21,280 --> 00:12:23,240 Speaker 1: And there was evening and there was morning the first 200 00:12:23,320 --> 00:12:25,199 Speaker 1: day verse six, and God said, let there be a 201 00:12:25,320 --> 00:12:29,680 Speaker 1: vault between the waters to separate. Everybody say separate, to 202 00:12:29,920 --> 00:12:32,920 Speaker 1: separate water from water. So God made the vault, and 203 00:12:32,960 --> 00:12:36,439 Speaker 1: he separated the water under the vault from the water 204 00:12:36,600 --> 00:12:39,800 Speaker 1: above it. And it was so God called the vault sky. 205 00:12:40,400 --> 00:12:43,680 Speaker 1: And there was evening and there was morning the second day. 206 00:12:43,760 --> 00:12:47,440 Speaker 1: And then God makes a separation between the dry land 207 00:12:47,760 --> 00:12:51,000 Speaker 1: and the water, and there was a separation. So you see, 208 00:12:51,360 --> 00:12:57,280 Speaker 1: even from creating the foundations of the world, God used 209 00:12:57,600 --> 00:13:03,640 Speaker 1: boundaries in such healthy ways. I'm convinced right here from 210 00:13:03,640 --> 00:13:07,080 Speaker 1: Genesis one that boundaries are not just a good idea, 211 00:13:07,280 --> 00:13:12,120 Speaker 1: they are actually God's idea. But now let's go over 212 00:13:12,120 --> 00:13:15,880 Speaker 1: to Genesis two, because this is where I really found 213 00:13:15,960 --> 00:13:21,000 Speaker 1: some something just completely fascinating. In Genesis chapter two, starting 214 00:13:21,000 --> 00:13:25,240 Speaker 1: in verse fifteen, it says this, the Lord God took 215 00:13:25,240 --> 00:13:27,080 Speaker 1: the man and put the man in the garden of 216 00:13:27,240 --> 00:13:29,600 Speaker 1: Eden to work it and take care of it. And 217 00:13:29,679 --> 00:13:36,000 Speaker 1: the Lord God commanded the man, you are free from 218 00:13:36,040 --> 00:13:40,440 Speaker 1: any tree in the garden, but you must not eat 219 00:13:40,480 --> 00:13:42,439 Speaker 1: from the tree of the knowledge of good and evil, 220 00:13:42,480 --> 00:13:46,320 Speaker 1: for when you eat from it, you will certainly die. Man. 221 00:13:46,360 --> 00:13:49,000 Speaker 1: I'm convinced at this point that the man did not 222 00:13:49,040 --> 00:13:52,720 Speaker 1: write the one rule down because the very next verse 223 00:13:53,040 --> 00:13:55,080 Speaker 1: it says, in verse eighteen, the Lord God said, it 224 00:13:55,120 --> 00:13:58,560 Speaker 1: is not good for the man to be alone. I 225 00:13:58,640 --> 00:14:01,480 Speaker 1: will make a helper suitable for him. And women have 226 00:14:01,559 --> 00:14:06,240 Speaker 1: been making lists for men ever since. Okay, I'm just 227 00:14:06,280 --> 00:14:11,640 Speaker 1: reading scripture. Okay, So but here's the thing. I'm so 228 00:14:11,880 --> 00:14:16,200 Speaker 1: completely fascinated that, of all the topics God could have 229 00:14:16,320 --> 00:14:22,240 Speaker 1: chosen for this first recorded conversation with Man, that God 230 00:14:22,320 --> 00:14:28,120 Speaker 1: chose the topic of a boundary. Think of how many 231 00:14:28,240 --> 00:14:32,520 Speaker 1: things that the Lord could have surely had to discuss 232 00:14:32,640 --> 00:14:35,680 Speaker 1: with this man in this first recorded conversation, and yet 233 00:14:36,240 --> 00:14:40,320 Speaker 1: he chooses a topic of a boundary. Why Well, if 234 00:14:40,320 --> 00:14:43,960 Speaker 1: I look at the first three words that God says 235 00:14:44,000 --> 00:14:51,560 Speaker 1: in this first recorded conversation, God says, you are free. 236 00:14:51,800 --> 00:14:55,600 Speaker 1: You see, we serve a God of freedom, and in 237 00:14:55,760 --> 00:14:58,480 Speaker 1: order for there to be real freedom, boundaries have to 238 00:14:58,600 --> 00:15:00,960 Speaker 1: exist so that we know. Oh, if we know where 239 00:15:01,000 --> 00:15:04,280 Speaker 1: those boundary lines are, then we can run freely between them, 240 00:15:04,480 --> 00:15:08,400 Speaker 1: and that's where real freedom exists. Can you imagine if 241 00:15:08,800 --> 00:15:10,920 Speaker 1: Adam was in the garden and he was tentative, he 242 00:15:10,960 --> 00:15:13,280 Speaker 1: didn't know what was okay and what was not okay, 243 00:15:13,760 --> 00:15:15,640 Speaker 1: then it would it would always be kind of like this, 244 00:15:15,840 --> 00:15:18,080 Speaker 1: like I wonder if can I eat from this tree? 245 00:15:18,160 --> 00:15:20,320 Speaker 1: Can I go here? Can I do this? Can I 246 00:15:20,400 --> 00:15:24,000 Speaker 1: do that? And you see that mystery was solved when 247 00:15:24,080 --> 00:15:28,480 Speaker 1: God established the boundary, and then Adam was truly free. 248 00:15:28,560 --> 00:15:34,560 Speaker 1: You are free to eat from any tree in the garden. 249 00:15:35,600 --> 00:15:40,160 Speaker 1: But here comes the one restriction. You must not eat 250 00:15:40,240 --> 00:15:43,800 Speaker 1: from this tree, the tree of the knowledge of good 251 00:15:43,920 --> 00:15:46,920 Speaker 1: and evil, for if you eat from it, you will die. 252 00:15:47,120 --> 00:15:51,480 Speaker 1: Now here's what I learned in that first boundary that 253 00:15:51,720 --> 00:15:55,040 Speaker 1: we see God establishing. He did it for the sake 254 00:15:55,120 --> 00:16:00,680 Speaker 1: of freedom, and that one restriction. He wasn't overly restrictive, 255 00:16:01,560 --> 00:16:06,640 Speaker 1: but that one restriction it was for Adam's protection. Do 256 00:16:06,680 --> 00:16:10,840 Speaker 1: you know what the weight of eating from the tree 257 00:16:10,880 --> 00:16:14,240 Speaker 1: of the knowledge of good and evil? Do you know 258 00:16:14,280 --> 00:16:18,520 Speaker 1: the weight that that would put on Adam. I'll tell 259 00:16:18,560 --> 00:16:20,560 Speaker 1: you what it is. It's when we turn on the 260 00:16:20,600 --> 00:16:24,840 Speaker 1: TV and we hear about another school shooting, when our 261 00:16:24,880 --> 00:16:27,560 Speaker 1: best friend calls us and says that she has cancer. 262 00:16:29,480 --> 00:16:34,360 Speaker 1: It's the weight of addictions and affairs and so many 263 00:16:34,480 --> 00:16:37,440 Speaker 1: things that we hear about or that we experience. The 264 00:16:37,600 --> 00:16:44,160 Speaker 1: human heart was not originally supposed to experience. That is 265 00:16:44,240 --> 00:16:48,280 Speaker 1: the weight of the knowledge of evil. And that's what 266 00:16:48,360 --> 00:16:51,560 Speaker 1: God said, don't do this, not because he's an overly 267 00:16:51,600 --> 00:16:55,680 Speaker 1: restrictive God, but because he was trying to protect Adam 268 00:16:55,920 --> 00:16:59,320 Speaker 1: from what Adam didn't know. So it's for the sake 269 00:16:59,360 --> 00:17:02,120 Speaker 1: of freedom. There is a restriction, but it's for the 270 00:17:02,200 --> 00:17:07,159 Speaker 1: protection In that relationship. And also there's a consequence. If 271 00:17:07,200 --> 00:17:10,080 Speaker 1: you eat from it, you will die, because a boundary 272 00:17:10,080 --> 00:17:13,560 Speaker 1: without a consequence is nothing but a really bad suggestion, right, 273 00:17:14,600 --> 00:17:18,160 Speaker 1: And so boundaries, indeed, they're not just a good idea. 274 00:17:18,720 --> 00:17:24,800 Speaker 1: I see in scripture here that they're actually God's idea. 275 00:17:24,960 --> 00:17:27,840 Speaker 1: And so I kept reading in scripture, and it isn't 276 00:17:27,880 --> 00:17:32,680 Speaker 1: that interesting that in the garden there was one rule 277 00:17:32,840 --> 00:17:36,600 Speaker 1: given one rule. Can you imagine if we just still 278 00:17:36,640 --> 00:17:39,080 Speaker 1: lived in that time, like one rule, we only had 279 00:17:39,160 --> 00:17:41,760 Speaker 1: one to follow as a rule follower, that would just 280 00:17:41,800 --> 00:17:43,760 Speaker 1: be such a delight to my heart. I mean, it 281 00:17:43,800 --> 00:17:48,240 Speaker 1: would just be amazing. Right. But where there is sin, 282 00:17:48,320 --> 00:17:52,280 Speaker 1: there is dysfunction, and where there is dysfunction, there's chaos. 283 00:17:52,320 --> 00:17:54,960 Speaker 1: And where there is chaos, there is a need for order. 284 00:17:55,520 --> 00:17:58,480 Speaker 1: And there are more boundaries established the more sin that 285 00:17:58,560 --> 00:18:00,840 Speaker 1: there is. And by the time time we get in 286 00:18:00,960 --> 00:18:04,240 Speaker 1: the Bible to the law and the profits, what started 287 00:18:04,240 --> 00:18:08,360 Speaker 1: out as one boundary, now he has over six hundred 288 00:18:08,400 --> 00:18:15,680 Speaker 1: boundaries because sin had increased. Therefore boundaries also increased. Then 289 00:18:15,800 --> 00:18:18,960 Speaker 1: by the time we get to the way that God 290 00:18:19,119 --> 00:18:23,639 Speaker 1: establishes the temple, this was the biggest revelation to me 291 00:18:24,040 --> 00:18:29,160 Speaker 1: of all, you say, when God establishes the temple, he 292 00:18:29,600 --> 00:18:34,680 Speaker 1: allows certain people access to certain places, but not all 293 00:18:34,760 --> 00:18:38,919 Speaker 1: people all access. And it's not because this group of 294 00:18:38,920 --> 00:18:42,080 Speaker 1: people was more valuable than this group of people. It's 295 00:18:42,119 --> 00:18:45,600 Speaker 1: that the more access you had, the more responsibility you 296 00:18:45,640 --> 00:18:50,640 Speaker 1: were required to demonstrate. So the more access, the more responsibility, 297 00:18:50,720 --> 00:18:55,000 Speaker 1: and the greater the consequence all the way to where 298 00:18:55,320 --> 00:18:58,280 Speaker 1: the high priest had the greatest access. The high priest 299 00:18:58,320 --> 00:19:00,600 Speaker 1: once a year could go into the Holy of Holies 300 00:19:00,920 --> 00:19:04,000 Speaker 1: to make atonement for the people. But in order to 301 00:19:04,080 --> 00:19:06,840 Speaker 1: do that, in order to have that kind of access, 302 00:19:07,320 --> 00:19:12,200 Speaker 1: he had to demonstrate the absolute highest responsibility. He had 303 00:19:12,240 --> 00:19:15,560 Speaker 1: to be perfectly cleansed, he had to put on special garments, 304 00:19:15,840 --> 00:19:19,360 Speaker 1: and if he did not, then he would step into 305 00:19:19,359 --> 00:19:25,119 Speaker 1: the Holy of Holies and he would drop dead. Greatest access, 306 00:19:25,800 --> 00:19:31,840 Speaker 1: greatest responsibility required. Those two words became really important to 307 00:19:31,920 --> 00:19:36,800 Speaker 1: me as I started trying to understand the difference between 308 00:19:37,520 --> 00:19:47,200 Speaker 1: healthy and unhealthy boundaries, helpful and utterly unhelpful boundaries, access 309 00:19:47,280 --> 00:19:52,439 Speaker 1: and responsibility. And here's what occurred to me. We all 310 00:19:52,480 --> 00:19:58,560 Speaker 1: have limited capacity in our life. Like we have limited 311 00:19:58,680 --> 00:20:02,080 Speaker 1: financial capacity in our bank account, we have limited time 312 00:20:02,119 --> 00:20:05,639 Speaker 1: capacity we have limited energy capacity, and some people have 313 00:20:05,680 --> 00:20:09,959 Speaker 1: a lot more energy capacity, and some people are lower capacity. 314 00:20:10,080 --> 00:20:12,760 Speaker 1: Some people have a lot more financial capacity, and others 315 00:20:12,760 --> 00:20:19,199 Speaker 1: have lower capacity. But regardless, in all these areas of capacity, 316 00:20:19,560 --> 00:20:26,760 Speaker 1: we're limited, not because we're selfish necessarily, but because we're human. Now, 317 00:20:26,800 --> 00:20:29,520 Speaker 1: if we get selfish with our capacity, then God can 318 00:20:29,560 --> 00:20:32,800 Speaker 1: certainly check our hearts on this. But what I'm seeing 319 00:20:32,880 --> 00:20:37,199 Speaker 1: more often in my life is that I start to 320 00:20:37,280 --> 00:20:41,399 Speaker 1: have this notion that I'm unlimited in some areas of 321 00:20:41,440 --> 00:20:45,280 Speaker 1: my capacity where I'm very limited, and then it causes 322 00:20:45,320 --> 00:20:49,080 Speaker 1: me when I hyper extend or bankrupt my area of 323 00:20:49,160 --> 00:20:53,560 Speaker 1: capacity because I'm saying yes to do much and I'm 324 00:20:53,640 --> 00:21:01,160 Speaker 1: not properly managing my own areas of capacity. What happens 325 00:21:01,200 --> 00:21:06,240 Speaker 1: to me is I start acting like I think I'm God, 326 00:21:07,119 --> 00:21:13,359 Speaker 1: because God is He is unlimited. God has all the capacity, 327 00:21:13,400 --> 00:21:15,400 Speaker 1: and so when we start to act like we are 328 00:21:15,680 --> 00:21:19,840 Speaker 1: unlimited in our capacity, then we start acting like God. 329 00:21:19,960 --> 00:21:25,480 Speaker 1: We are limited, not because we're selfish necessarily, but because 330 00:21:25,520 --> 00:21:30,280 Speaker 1: we are very very human. So back to that word access. 331 00:21:32,160 --> 00:21:37,760 Speaker 1: If I am giving level ten access to someone who 332 00:21:37,840 --> 00:21:44,080 Speaker 1: is not demonstrating level ten responsibility, maybe they're only demonstrating 333 00:21:44,160 --> 00:21:48,800 Speaker 1: level three responsibility. Right, the distance between the access that 334 00:21:48,840 --> 00:21:53,520 Speaker 1: I'm granting them and the responsibility that they are demonstrating. 335 00:21:53,880 --> 00:21:58,720 Speaker 1: That distance right there, that is where dysfunction grows. That 336 00:21:58,880 --> 00:22:02,919 Speaker 1: is where there's chaos, right, and that's where a boundary 337 00:22:03,080 --> 00:22:05,840 Speaker 1: is needed. Now here's the mistake I used to make. 338 00:22:06,880 --> 00:22:09,960 Speaker 1: I would go, Okay, I'm giving level ten access. This 339 00:22:10,000 --> 00:22:13,439 Speaker 1: person is only demonstrating level three responsibility. So I know 340 00:22:13,480 --> 00:22:15,239 Speaker 1: what I have to do. I have to put a 341 00:22:15,280 --> 00:22:19,879 Speaker 1: boundary on them to force them, using external pressure, to 342 00:22:20,200 --> 00:22:24,000 Speaker 1: increase their responsibility up to the level of access that 343 00:22:24,080 --> 00:22:28,359 Speaker 1: I've granted them. So we can have a conversation with 344 00:22:28,440 --> 00:22:31,400 Speaker 1: someone and request that they be more responsible. But if 345 00:22:31,400 --> 00:22:36,639 Speaker 1: they are unwilling or incapable of anything more than level 346 00:22:36,680 --> 00:22:39,960 Speaker 1: three responsibility, us putting a boundary on them is only 347 00:22:39,960 --> 00:22:45,280 Speaker 1: going to cause more frustration. You see, we cannot possibly 348 00:22:45,480 --> 00:22:52,640 Speaker 1: permanently change another person by using external pressure. Now think 349 00:22:52,640 --> 00:22:57,520 Speaker 1: about today, if someone had a cardiac event, obviously those 350 00:22:57,520 --> 00:22:59,400 Speaker 1: of us who know how to do CPR, we would 351 00:22:59,480 --> 00:23:04,119 Speaker 1: rush to that person's aid and using external pressure, we 352 00:23:04,320 --> 00:23:08,359 Speaker 1: would apply that pressure to make their heart beat and 353 00:23:08,400 --> 00:23:12,040 Speaker 1: to create a change in their situation. But at some 354 00:23:12,200 --> 00:23:14,879 Speaker 1: point if their heart does not start to quicken and 355 00:23:14,960 --> 00:23:20,600 Speaker 1: beat on its own, you cannot permanently sustain that change 356 00:23:21,119 --> 00:23:25,760 Speaker 1: using external pressure. Right. Never have you seen two friends 357 00:23:25,800 --> 00:23:28,320 Speaker 1: walking around them all one doing chest compressions on the 358 00:23:28,320 --> 00:23:34,199 Speaker 1: other and think, Wow, that's a sustainable, healthy relationship. Right? No, So, 359 00:23:35,280 --> 00:23:38,720 Speaker 1: but I know the desperation. I know the desperate feeling 360 00:23:38,880 --> 00:23:42,720 Speaker 1: of something's got to change, and you know that it's 361 00:23:43,000 --> 00:23:46,520 Speaker 1: the responsibility this person is not bringing. That's what's got 362 00:23:46,560 --> 00:23:49,919 Speaker 1: to change. And so most of us just stay stuck 363 00:23:50,000 --> 00:23:53,000 Speaker 1: in this frustrating place. We know that changes needed to 364 00:23:53,040 --> 00:23:56,240 Speaker 1: be made. We make the changes that we can make. 365 00:23:57,119 --> 00:23:59,840 Speaker 1: But in a relationship, if the other person is un 366 00:24:00,040 --> 00:24:04,879 Speaker 1: willing or incapable, then that's where that weird dysfunction starts 367 00:24:04,960 --> 00:24:09,639 Speaker 1: to happen. So if it's utterly unhelpful to put a 368 00:24:09,640 --> 00:24:13,480 Speaker 1: boundary on this other person trying to force them to change, 369 00:24:14,119 --> 00:24:17,480 Speaker 1: what do we do? We put a boundary on ourselves. 370 00:24:18,680 --> 00:24:20,840 Speaker 1: We put a boundary on ourselves. And if I am 371 00:24:20,880 --> 00:24:25,000 Speaker 1: giving level ten access to areas of my capacity to 372 00:24:25,080 --> 00:24:30,080 Speaker 1: someone who's only bringing level three responsibility, I cannot control 373 00:24:30,119 --> 00:24:34,000 Speaker 1: another person. But God does say evidence of his fruit 374 00:24:34,160 --> 00:24:37,359 Speaker 1: inside of me. One of those fruits is self control, 375 00:24:38,040 --> 00:24:42,240 Speaker 1: and so I must reduce the access I grant to 376 00:24:42,280 --> 00:24:48,520 Speaker 1: that person down to their demonstrated level of responsibility, right, 377 00:24:51,200 --> 00:24:55,560 Speaker 1: so that equilibrium can occur in this relationship. Now here's 378 00:24:55,560 --> 00:24:59,479 Speaker 1: the really great news. You guys are already doing this 379 00:24:59,640 --> 00:25:02,800 Speaker 1: really really well in some areas of your life. Here's 380 00:25:02,840 --> 00:25:04,520 Speaker 1: how I'm going to prove this to you. Okay, raise 381 00:25:04,560 --> 00:25:07,040 Speaker 1: your hand. If you have a bank account, just raise 382 00:25:07,040 --> 00:25:09,080 Speaker 1: your hand. I'm not coming after your bank account today. 383 00:25:09,080 --> 00:25:11,680 Speaker 1: I just want you to know, okay, perfect, how many 384 00:25:11,720 --> 00:25:16,600 Speaker 1: of you have a password or a security code protecting 385 00:25:16,640 --> 00:25:23,320 Speaker 1: your bank account? Raise your hand? Is it because you're selfish, unchristian, unkind, 386 00:25:24,040 --> 00:25:28,400 Speaker 1: not willing to give to others? No, that's not at all. 387 00:25:28,480 --> 00:25:30,760 Speaker 1: You have a passcode. And I didn't say you could 388 00:25:30,840 --> 00:25:35,119 Speaker 1: remember your passcode. I'm just saying you have a passcode, right, 389 00:25:35,160 --> 00:25:39,480 Speaker 1: But you have a passcode? Why? Because you have limited 390 00:25:39,640 --> 00:25:44,600 Speaker 1: resources in your bank account, and if you gave everyone 391 00:25:44,800 --> 00:25:49,840 Speaker 1: in here access to your bank account, then there may 392 00:25:49,880 --> 00:25:53,280 Speaker 1: be some people in here who would be irresponsible and 393 00:25:53,320 --> 00:25:56,720 Speaker 1: they would take so much of the money that you 394 00:25:56,800 --> 00:26:01,720 Speaker 1: have in your bank account that you would become bankrupt. Therefore, 395 00:26:01,840 --> 00:26:04,520 Speaker 1: you put a security pass code there, not because you're selfish, 396 00:26:04,520 --> 00:26:07,200 Speaker 1: but because you are wise and because you want to 397 00:26:07,240 --> 00:26:11,200 Speaker 1: be a good steward of the resources that you have. 398 00:26:11,680 --> 00:26:14,520 Speaker 1: We know this with our financial capacity, but we forget 399 00:26:14,520 --> 00:26:19,520 Speaker 1: it in so many other areas of our life. Okay, 400 00:26:20,080 --> 00:26:25,159 Speaker 1: so how does this really work? How does it really work? 401 00:26:25,359 --> 00:26:31,160 Speaker 1: If you know that you have limited capacity and you're 402 00:26:31,240 --> 00:26:37,119 Speaker 1: reducing the access to some area of your capacity down 403 00:26:37,200 --> 00:26:40,639 Speaker 1: to their demonstrated level of responsibility, how in the world 404 00:26:40,720 --> 00:26:44,800 Speaker 1: do you even communicate that? Well, in a very simple sense, 405 00:26:44,920 --> 00:26:48,760 Speaker 1: let's say that you have a child in third grade. 406 00:26:49,440 --> 00:26:52,359 Speaker 1: Last year, that child was in second grade, and the 407 00:26:52,400 --> 00:26:55,800 Speaker 1: second grade teacher emails you and said, you know, last 408 00:26:55,880 --> 00:26:57,919 Speaker 1: year you did the end of the year party for 409 00:26:57,960 --> 00:27:00,440 Speaker 1: the second grade, and you did such an amazing job. 410 00:27:00,720 --> 00:27:02,640 Speaker 1: We were just wondering. I know you don't have any 411 00:27:02,680 --> 00:27:04,840 Speaker 1: children in second grade this year, but we're just wondering, 412 00:27:05,080 --> 00:27:07,600 Speaker 1: can you come back and can you arrange the end 413 00:27:07,600 --> 00:27:10,040 Speaker 1: of the year party for the second grade. Now here's 414 00:27:10,119 --> 00:27:13,680 Speaker 1: the crisis that would happen in my heart. First of all, 415 00:27:13,720 --> 00:27:17,359 Speaker 1: I would say they loved the way I did the 416 00:27:17,440 --> 00:27:19,280 Speaker 1: end of the year party. I mean, this is such 417 00:27:19,280 --> 00:27:22,960 Speaker 1: an honor. Wow. Right, But then I was starting to 418 00:27:22,960 --> 00:27:26,600 Speaker 1: get this pit in my stomach because my gut would 419 00:27:26,680 --> 00:27:31,280 Speaker 1: say no, absolutely not, You do not have the time 420 00:27:31,359 --> 00:27:34,880 Speaker 1: to do this. But then, why in the world does 421 00:27:35,000 --> 00:27:39,600 Speaker 1: my mouth say yes? And it just does because I 422 00:27:39,680 --> 00:27:42,880 Speaker 1: kind of think their request suddenly has become my responsibility. 423 00:27:44,320 --> 00:27:47,680 Speaker 1: And here's the thing that really would wig me out. 424 00:27:48,240 --> 00:27:53,080 Speaker 1: I was so afraid that if I said no that 425 00:27:53,480 --> 00:27:56,840 Speaker 1: they would be so disappointed in me, and so I 426 00:27:56,880 --> 00:28:00,920 Speaker 1: would rather carry the burden of saying yes rather than 427 00:28:01,000 --> 00:28:06,600 Speaker 1: the burden of saying no. HM. So I'm going to 428 00:28:06,600 --> 00:28:08,479 Speaker 1: give you a simple little script. This is about to 429 00:28:08,760 --> 00:28:12,440 Speaker 1: change your life. With apologies to the second grade teacher 430 00:28:12,480 --> 00:28:14,439 Speaker 1: out there who's wanting a third grade parent to do 431 00:28:14,480 --> 00:28:16,920 Speaker 1: their end of the year party. Here we go. Here's 432 00:28:16,960 --> 00:28:20,479 Speaker 1: a simple way that you can reduce the access and 433 00:28:20,800 --> 00:28:24,959 Speaker 1: communicate a really healthy boundary and still reflect the beauty 434 00:28:25,000 --> 00:28:29,560 Speaker 1: of your own heart. You can simply reply back, thank 435 00:28:29,600 --> 00:28:32,560 Speaker 1: you so much. It's such an honor that you requested 436 00:28:32,560 --> 00:28:35,680 Speaker 1: this of me. While my heart says yes, yes, yes, 437 00:28:36,200 --> 00:28:40,120 Speaker 1: the reality of my time makes this a no. Thank 438 00:28:40,160 --> 00:28:43,400 Speaker 1: you and sign your name. You don't need to explain it. 439 00:28:43,920 --> 00:28:49,239 Speaker 1: My counselor. You know, I mean, I think we can 440 00:28:49,280 --> 00:28:52,200 Speaker 1: all do this right now. My counselor has really worked 441 00:28:52,200 --> 00:28:55,360 Speaker 1: with me on this, and it was really important that 442 00:28:55,400 --> 00:28:57,000 Speaker 1: I learned this. You see, I used to think I 443 00:28:57,000 --> 00:29:00,640 Speaker 1: had to over explain. I still struggle with over explaining. 444 00:29:00,680 --> 00:29:03,400 Speaker 1: Do we have any over explainers in the room. Okay, remember, 445 00:29:03,440 --> 00:29:05,720 Speaker 1: do not poke your neighbor. Let them just say that 446 00:29:05,800 --> 00:29:09,800 Speaker 1: they are an over explainer. Okay. So here's what I 447 00:29:09,840 --> 00:29:12,520 Speaker 1: would do. I would say my heart says yes, yes, yes, 448 00:29:12,640 --> 00:29:15,120 Speaker 1: the reality of my time makes this a no. And 449 00:29:15,160 --> 00:29:18,480 Speaker 1: then I would start to explain all the reasons why. 450 00:29:18,880 --> 00:29:21,240 Speaker 1: And my counselor said this to me, and it absolutely 451 00:29:21,360 --> 00:29:25,520 Speaker 1: radically changed my thought process, he said, Lisa, adults inform 452 00:29:25,720 --> 00:29:33,720 Speaker 1: children explain good right? All right, all right, so let's 453 00:29:33,720 --> 00:29:38,920 Speaker 1: go to something a little more challenging. Let's say you 454 00:29:39,600 --> 00:29:42,760 Speaker 1: have a friend, possibly a family member. But let's say 455 00:29:42,880 --> 00:29:46,360 Speaker 1: you have a friend and y'all love going to church together. 456 00:29:46,440 --> 00:29:49,840 Speaker 1: Don't poke your neighbor. Okay, so you love going to 457 00:29:49,920 --> 00:29:56,840 Speaker 1: church together. However, you have different definitions of being on time, right, 458 00:29:57,480 --> 00:30:02,720 Speaker 1: and this is really causing some situationtional stress. Right. Okay, 459 00:30:03,200 --> 00:30:06,120 Speaker 1: So let's say your definition of being on time is 460 00:30:06,160 --> 00:30:08,719 Speaker 1: that you want to get their twenty minutes early. You 461 00:30:08,760 --> 00:30:12,440 Speaker 1: do why because you have got to get a parking space. 462 00:30:12,880 --> 00:30:15,880 Speaker 1: This is so funny. I see somebody holding up blinders 463 00:30:15,920 --> 00:30:22,640 Speaker 1: against their neighbor right now, you're cracking me up. Okay, 464 00:30:22,960 --> 00:30:25,800 Speaker 1: So your definition of being on time is to get 465 00:30:25,800 --> 00:30:28,440 Speaker 1: their twenty minutes early because you want to have time 466 00:30:28,480 --> 00:30:32,120 Speaker 1: to park and actually walk through the parking lot, right, 467 00:30:33,080 --> 00:30:35,720 Speaker 1: novel idea. And then you want to get inside. You 468 00:30:35,760 --> 00:30:38,760 Speaker 1: want to go t tea potty right, because you don't 469 00:30:38,760 --> 00:30:40,680 Speaker 1: want to be sitting in there and be thinking about that, 470 00:30:40,880 --> 00:30:42,880 Speaker 1: so you wanted to go do that. Then then you 471 00:30:42,920 --> 00:30:44,320 Speaker 1: want to be able to come in. You want to 472 00:30:44,320 --> 00:30:47,480 Speaker 1: get a seat, You want to watch the announcements. You 473 00:30:47,720 --> 00:30:50,560 Speaker 1: want to be ready for the first note of the 474 00:30:50,600 --> 00:30:56,120 Speaker 1: first praise song because that is being on time to you. Amen, Amen. Okay. 475 00:30:56,160 --> 00:30:59,040 Speaker 1: But let's say your friend has a different definition of 476 00:30:59,080 --> 00:31:02,920 Speaker 1: being on time. Their definition of being on time is 477 00:31:02,960 --> 00:31:05,760 Speaker 1: that they can skirt in here before the last praise 478 00:31:05,800 --> 00:31:09,200 Speaker 1: song is finished. That is their definition of being on time. 479 00:31:09,440 --> 00:31:15,120 Speaker 1: Right now, here's the deal. Are you bad for wanting 480 00:31:15,120 --> 00:31:18,440 Speaker 1: to be there twenty minutes early? No? Are they bad, 481 00:31:19,560 --> 00:31:21,480 Speaker 1: they still want to go to church. I mean they're 482 00:31:21,520 --> 00:31:24,040 Speaker 1: just getting here, like before the last praise song, espelishly. 483 00:31:24,040 --> 00:31:25,440 Speaker 1: I mean maybe some of you think is bad, but 484 00:31:25,720 --> 00:31:29,240 Speaker 1: I say, in general, that's not bad. It just means 485 00:31:29,280 --> 00:31:32,960 Speaker 1: you have two different definitions of being on time right. 486 00:31:34,000 --> 00:31:39,440 Speaker 1: And so you realize that something's got to change, because 487 00:31:39,480 --> 00:31:42,760 Speaker 1: every week you're writing with them, and they are making 488 00:31:42,840 --> 00:31:46,480 Speaker 1: you late according to you. And now you are sitting 489 00:31:46,520 --> 00:31:50,200 Speaker 1: way up there in the balcony, right, or you may 490 00:31:50,240 --> 00:31:52,360 Speaker 1: not even make it inside. You may have to be 491 00:31:52,400 --> 00:31:57,680 Speaker 1: sitting somewhere in the overflow, right. And now you're so 492 00:31:57,800 --> 00:32:00,120 Speaker 1: twisted up in a knot because you are ready. You 493 00:32:00,160 --> 00:32:02,000 Speaker 1: could have been down here on the floor. That's where 494 00:32:02,040 --> 00:32:05,120 Speaker 1: you could have been, right, and you could have gone teeepotty. 495 00:32:05,160 --> 00:32:07,440 Speaker 1: You who see the announcements, listen to all the praise songs. 496 00:32:07,600 --> 00:32:09,880 Speaker 1: And so now when they make you skirt in at 497 00:32:09,880 --> 00:32:12,480 Speaker 1: the last moment and you're out of breath from running 498 00:32:12,480 --> 00:32:15,320 Speaker 1: through the parking lot and you had to park five 499 00:32:15,360 --> 00:32:17,720 Speaker 1: miles away, you know, And now you finally get in 500 00:32:17,720 --> 00:32:19,920 Speaker 1: your seat, you are so twisted up in a knot 501 00:32:19,920 --> 00:32:23,760 Speaker 1: that you cannot even enjoy anything because all you want 502 00:32:23,840 --> 00:32:27,520 Speaker 1: is for Pastor Steven to address the issues of this 503 00:32:27,600 --> 00:32:30,560 Speaker 1: person that made you lay on huh you know what 504 00:32:30,640 --> 00:32:37,200 Speaker 1: I'm saying. Okay, so you have a choice. You could 505 00:32:37,320 --> 00:32:41,520 Speaker 1: just start avoiding this person. That's what some of us do, right. 506 00:32:41,680 --> 00:32:43,400 Speaker 1: So they call and say, oh, do you want to 507 00:32:43,440 --> 00:32:46,240 Speaker 1: ride your church together? And you could say, oh, you know, 508 00:32:46,360 --> 00:32:49,440 Speaker 1: I would really love to go to church with you today. 509 00:32:49,440 --> 00:32:51,960 Speaker 1: I really would. The problem is I have to run 510 00:32:52,120 --> 00:32:54,560 Speaker 1: errands before I go to church. I mean, and they're 511 00:32:54,600 --> 00:33:04,280 Speaker 1: one person errands, just one and and so this other 512 00:33:04,360 --> 00:33:07,800 Speaker 1: person when you're communicating this, they know something's up and 513 00:33:07,840 --> 00:33:10,480 Speaker 1: they're going to personalize it and get their feelings hurt 514 00:33:10,480 --> 00:33:13,200 Speaker 1: because they can't quite figure out why you're being distant. 515 00:33:13,920 --> 00:33:18,000 Speaker 1: And then you could possibly just try to still go 516 00:33:18,080 --> 00:33:20,280 Speaker 1: with them and be late. And you're going to take 517 00:33:20,320 --> 00:33:21,640 Speaker 1: it and take it and take it and take it 518 00:33:21,680 --> 00:33:23,600 Speaker 1: and take it until one day you just cannot and 519 00:33:23,640 --> 00:33:26,719 Speaker 1: you snap and you jump from trying to take it 520 00:33:26,840 --> 00:33:29,080 Speaker 1: all the way over here to where you cannot take 521 00:33:29,080 --> 00:33:33,960 Speaker 1: it anymore, and you just skirt that friendship altogether. You See, 522 00:33:33,960 --> 00:33:36,960 Speaker 1: what a boundary does is that helps us avoid extremes, 523 00:33:37,760 --> 00:33:39,600 Speaker 1: the extreme of I'm going to take it and take 524 00:33:39,640 --> 00:33:42,480 Speaker 1: it and take it until I'm so frazzled and fractured, 525 00:33:42,520 --> 00:33:44,920 Speaker 1: worn out and worn down that I just don't even 526 00:33:44,960 --> 00:33:47,800 Speaker 1: want to be that person's friend anymore. So you jump 527 00:33:47,840 --> 00:33:52,920 Speaker 1: from that extreme all the way to you're done. Boundaries, 528 00:33:53,000 --> 00:33:55,680 Speaker 1: what they really are, is a way to bring the 529 00:33:55,880 --> 00:34:01,040 Speaker 1: conversation back to the middle, to avoid those extremes. Boundaries 530 00:34:01,080 --> 00:34:05,600 Speaker 1: are nothing more than a conversational tool, a healthy conversational 531 00:34:05,600 --> 00:34:09,200 Speaker 1: tool where you can establish what is and is not 532 00:34:09,440 --> 00:34:12,839 Speaker 1: okay in this relationship, what you do have to give 533 00:34:12,920 --> 00:34:15,880 Speaker 1: and what you don't have to give, what you will tolerate, 534 00:34:15,960 --> 00:34:19,640 Speaker 1: and what you will not tolerate. Now, obviously we need 535 00:34:19,680 --> 00:34:22,719 Speaker 1: the Lord to check our hearts here, you know, we 536 00:34:22,719 --> 00:34:25,879 Speaker 1: don't want to start being just absolutely irresponsible. I mean, 537 00:34:25,880 --> 00:34:29,080 Speaker 1: I had, you know, possibly one of my many children 538 00:34:29,120 --> 00:34:31,800 Speaker 1: try to draw a boundary this year at Christmas, and 539 00:34:31,920 --> 00:34:33,799 Speaker 1: they just said, I do not have it to give 540 00:34:34,120 --> 00:34:38,319 Speaker 1: to help wash any of the dishes, to which to 541 00:34:38,360 --> 00:34:40,560 Speaker 1: which I replied, and I do not have it to 542 00:34:40,600 --> 00:34:42,920 Speaker 1: give to put food on any of your dishes. So 543 00:34:45,040 --> 00:34:48,160 Speaker 1: neither of those are helpful or healthy, right, So we 544 00:34:48,239 --> 00:34:50,000 Speaker 1: do it to check our heart. We don't want to 545 00:34:50,040 --> 00:34:52,640 Speaker 1: draw boundaries to sort of be some sort of weapon 546 00:34:52,840 --> 00:34:55,920 Speaker 1: to make us able to get out of our responsibilities. 547 00:34:55,960 --> 00:35:02,560 Speaker 1: We do have responsibilities. At the same time, we have 548 00:35:02,600 --> 00:35:08,640 Speaker 1: the responsibility to stay self controlled in our relationships. So 549 00:35:09,400 --> 00:35:13,400 Speaker 1: you could simply have this conversation with this friend. Hi, friend, 550 00:35:13,560 --> 00:35:15,480 Speaker 1: I love going to church with you, I really do. 551 00:35:15,760 --> 00:35:18,080 Speaker 1: Is that true? It is true? Right, So don't put 552 00:35:18,120 --> 00:35:19,920 Speaker 1: a butt there, because if you put a butt, I 553 00:35:19,920 --> 00:35:21,840 Speaker 1: love going to church with you butt, that's sort of 554 00:35:22,000 --> 00:35:24,240 Speaker 1: negates the fact that you love going to church with them. Okay, 555 00:35:24,400 --> 00:35:26,879 Speaker 1: so you put an and I love going to church 556 00:35:26,920 --> 00:35:30,440 Speaker 1: with you, and I have a different definition of being 557 00:35:30,480 --> 00:35:33,080 Speaker 1: on time than you do. That doesn't make me right 558 00:35:33,120 --> 00:35:35,239 Speaker 1: and you wrong, or you right and me wrong. It 559 00:35:35,440 --> 00:35:41,480 Speaker 1: just means we're different. So here's the deal. I'm going 560 00:35:41,560 --> 00:35:43,680 Speaker 1: to drive to church this week. I would love for 561 00:35:43,719 --> 00:35:46,440 Speaker 1: you to ride with me, and I'm pulling out of 562 00:35:46,440 --> 00:35:49,160 Speaker 1: my driveway at this time so that I can get 563 00:35:49,160 --> 00:35:51,560 Speaker 1: there twenty minutes early. If you would like to ride 564 00:35:51,560 --> 00:35:55,760 Speaker 1: with me, great, be in my car at that time. However, 565 00:35:56,080 --> 00:35:59,319 Speaker 1: let me give you some really awesome news. If you 566 00:35:59,400 --> 00:36:06,040 Speaker 1: are being more creative with your time, so creative, then 567 00:36:06,920 --> 00:36:10,600 Speaker 1: we can just ride separately, no big deal, and I'll 568 00:36:10,600 --> 00:36:12,600 Speaker 1: save you a seat you can sit right beside me. 569 00:36:13,120 --> 00:36:15,560 Speaker 1: I'll even catch you up on all the prey songs 570 00:36:15,600 --> 00:36:19,080 Speaker 1: that we sang, you know. And we're still going to 571 00:36:19,120 --> 00:36:21,160 Speaker 1: be great friends, and we're still going to be at 572 00:36:21,280 --> 00:36:24,080 Speaker 1: church together. But we've just made the wise decision not 573 00:36:24,200 --> 00:36:26,960 Speaker 1: to go to church together. Now, what's better having that 574 00:36:27,040 --> 00:36:31,480 Speaker 1: conversation or getting so frustrated in that relationship you just 575 00:36:31,520 --> 00:36:33,680 Speaker 1: don't even want to be around that person at all. 576 00:36:34,600 --> 00:36:37,880 Speaker 1: You see, boundaries help us bring it back to the 577 00:36:37,920 --> 00:36:42,279 Speaker 1: middle and simply say here's what I have to give, 578 00:36:42,280 --> 00:36:44,040 Speaker 1: and here's what I don't have to give, here's what 579 00:36:44,120 --> 00:36:46,560 Speaker 1: I can tolerate, and here's what I will not tolerate. 580 00:36:46,640 --> 00:36:51,160 Speaker 1: And it's not out of a mean spirit, it's actually 581 00:36:51,520 --> 00:36:53,880 Speaker 1: so that we can stay self controlled. I did this 582 00:36:53,960 --> 00:36:57,640 Speaker 1: activity one time, and I pulled out my journal and 583 00:36:57,680 --> 00:37:01,440 Speaker 1: I wrote, this is who Lisa is when she's operating 584 00:37:01,520 --> 00:37:07,520 Speaker 1: at her best. I'm kind, I'm generous, I'm easygoing, all 585 00:37:07,600 --> 00:37:11,960 Speaker 1: kinds of different qualities. Then on the next page, I wrote, 586 00:37:12,000 --> 00:37:14,480 Speaker 1: and this is who Lisa is. This is who I 587 00:37:14,640 --> 00:37:18,399 Speaker 1: am when I get frazzled, fractured, worn down, and worn out. 588 00:37:18,880 --> 00:37:22,920 Speaker 1: I am impatient, I'm withdrawn, I'm skeptical of everyone. I 589 00:37:22,920 --> 00:37:26,560 Speaker 1: don't want to give anything to anyone. Now I ask 590 00:37:26,640 --> 00:37:31,800 Speaker 1: myself the question, which version of Lisa do I want 591 00:37:31,920 --> 00:37:37,200 Speaker 1: to stay front and center in my relationships? You see boundaries, 592 00:37:38,160 --> 00:37:41,600 Speaker 1: me drawing healthy boundaries, ME putting boundaries on myself so 593 00:37:41,680 --> 00:37:47,440 Speaker 1: that I can stay safe, sane, stable, and self controlled. 594 00:37:48,160 --> 00:37:52,359 Speaker 1: It is my way of fighting for the relationship so 595 00:37:52,400 --> 00:37:55,160 Speaker 1: I don't have to spend so much time fighting against 596 00:37:55,280 --> 00:38:02,359 Speaker 1: other people. Now, what about the verse that says where 597 00:38:02,400 --> 00:38:06,280 Speaker 1: Jesus instructs us to lay down our life for our friends. 598 00:38:06,280 --> 00:38:08,480 Speaker 1: And Jesus not only instructed us to do that, but 599 00:38:08,680 --> 00:38:14,280 Speaker 1: he modeled it. And you're absolutely right. Jesus absolutely modeled 600 00:38:14,280 --> 00:38:18,160 Speaker 1: and taught to lay down our life for our friends. 601 00:38:19,239 --> 00:38:24,440 Speaker 1: And Jesus did this. But never forget Jesus laid down 602 00:38:25,080 --> 00:38:30,960 Speaker 1: his one life for a high and holy purpose. Jesus 603 00:38:31,000 --> 00:38:34,520 Speaker 1: did not lay down his life to enable bad behavior 604 00:38:34,560 --> 00:38:43,200 Speaker 1: to continue. Amen. Amen, Well, I want to end today 605 00:38:43,360 --> 00:38:45,879 Speaker 1: with what I feel like is the most important thing 606 00:38:45,920 --> 00:38:49,000 Speaker 1: for us to remember in all of these boundary conversations, 607 00:38:50,040 --> 00:38:52,080 Speaker 1: and I'm going to do it by telling a story 608 00:38:52,480 --> 00:38:58,000 Speaker 1: so many years ago, my family decided that they wanted 609 00:38:58,040 --> 00:39:01,640 Speaker 1: to go get certified to learn how to go scuba diving. 610 00:39:01,880 --> 00:39:05,880 Speaker 1: I thought this was an absolutely terrible idea for several reasons, 611 00:39:06,000 --> 00:39:11,160 Speaker 1: because sharks eat people every day, and you know, I 612 00:39:11,160 --> 00:39:13,520 Speaker 1: don't like to get my hair wet, So there's two 613 00:39:13,680 --> 00:39:16,040 Speaker 1: really good reasons why I don't want to get certified 614 00:39:16,040 --> 00:39:20,200 Speaker 1: to go scuba diving. But they were so absolutely convinced 615 00:39:20,239 --> 00:39:22,440 Speaker 1: that this is what we needed to do. So we 616 00:39:22,480 --> 00:39:24,640 Speaker 1: all signed up and we went to the classes and 617 00:39:24,920 --> 00:39:27,960 Speaker 1: everything was okay. In the classroom, it was good. And 618 00:39:28,000 --> 00:39:29,960 Speaker 1: then we went and did our first dive in the 619 00:39:30,000 --> 00:39:32,800 Speaker 1: pool and we did pretty good. And then we did 620 00:39:32,920 --> 00:39:35,640 Speaker 1: our next dive in a lake and that was okay. 621 00:39:36,000 --> 00:39:38,400 Speaker 1: But now it was the day. It was time for 622 00:39:38,440 --> 00:39:43,359 Speaker 1: our first big family dive in the ocean. So we 623 00:39:43,360 --> 00:39:45,440 Speaker 1: took the boat out and we all have on our 624 00:39:45,480 --> 00:39:47,960 Speaker 1: gear and we get out into the middle of the 625 00:39:47,960 --> 00:39:51,200 Speaker 1: ocean and the dive master gives us some last minute 626 00:39:51,239 --> 00:39:53,920 Speaker 1: instructions for what to do. Then he instructs us to 627 00:39:53,920 --> 00:39:55,520 Speaker 1: get in the water. So we all get in the 628 00:39:55,520 --> 00:39:59,040 Speaker 1: water and then he says, okay, you know, the first 629 00:39:59,040 --> 00:40:01,799 Speaker 1: thing you need to do is to let the air 630 00:40:01,840 --> 00:40:05,040 Speaker 1: out of your air vest and start to descend in increments, 631 00:40:05,080 --> 00:40:07,840 Speaker 1: and then we'll all meet up thirty feet below the 632 00:40:07,920 --> 00:40:12,000 Speaker 1: surface on the ocean floor. And so we had practiced 633 00:40:12,000 --> 00:40:14,200 Speaker 1: this enough where I knew exactly what I was supposed 634 00:40:14,200 --> 00:40:16,080 Speaker 1: to do, and so did everyone else. So we all 635 00:40:16,080 --> 00:40:18,359 Speaker 1: did it. We pushed the button to let the air 636 00:40:18,400 --> 00:40:23,080 Speaker 1: out of our air vests, and everyone else did exactly 637 00:40:23,160 --> 00:40:26,160 Speaker 1: what they were supposed to do. They started to descend 638 00:40:26,200 --> 00:40:28,719 Speaker 1: in increments. I let the air out of my air 639 00:40:28,800 --> 00:40:33,360 Speaker 1: vest and nothing happened. I am just floating on the top. 640 00:40:33,880 --> 00:40:36,160 Speaker 1: Have you ever seen one of those movies where it's 641 00:40:36,200 --> 00:40:38,879 Speaker 1: like everybody in a group is okay, but it's the 642 00:40:38,960 --> 00:40:42,160 Speaker 1: one person floating at the top that the shark comes 643 00:40:42,200 --> 00:40:46,160 Speaker 1: to get. Uh huh. That's very much what I was 644 00:40:46,200 --> 00:40:48,360 Speaker 1: feeling of that moment. And I just kept saying in 645 00:40:48,400 --> 00:40:51,120 Speaker 1: my brain, don't panic, don't panic, don't panic. But sometimes 646 00:40:51,160 --> 00:40:54,239 Speaker 1: my brain does not send that message to my heart, 647 00:40:54,320 --> 00:40:56,920 Speaker 1: and in my heart, I was absolutely frantic. So I thought, 648 00:40:56,960 --> 00:40:58,919 Speaker 1: no big deal. I don't want to cause a scene. 649 00:40:58,920 --> 00:41:00,279 Speaker 1: I'm going to put my head down, I'm going to 650 00:41:00,320 --> 00:41:02,480 Speaker 1: swim to my people. That's not what you're supposed to do, 651 00:41:02,520 --> 00:41:04,040 Speaker 1: but I did it. So put my head down. I 652 00:41:04,040 --> 00:41:07,200 Speaker 1: started swimming, swimming, swimming to my people. The problem was 653 00:41:07,280 --> 00:41:11,320 Speaker 1: that my backside was like a cork, very much drawn 654 00:41:11,440 --> 00:41:15,000 Speaker 1: to the surface of the water. I could not get 655 00:41:15,080 --> 00:41:18,319 Speaker 1: down to my people. Eventually, the dive master sees what's 656 00:41:18,320 --> 00:41:20,799 Speaker 1: happening and he swims up and he looks at me 657 00:41:21,239 --> 00:41:28,520 Speaker 1: and he said, oh, you're you're having buoyancy issues. And 658 00:41:29,080 --> 00:41:31,120 Speaker 1: I got this look on my face like I didn't 659 00:41:31,200 --> 00:41:34,440 Speaker 1: quite understand what he was saying. And he was like, yeah, 660 00:41:34,680 --> 00:41:47,440 Speaker 1: you see fat floats when it's in salt water. Excuse me, 661 00:41:49,960 --> 00:41:54,400 Speaker 1: I will cut you. You need right, you need to 662 00:41:54,640 --> 00:41:57,600 Speaker 1: back it up, sir, right, you really need to be 663 00:41:57,640 --> 00:41:59,840 Speaker 1: thankful you spent that I spent some time with Jesus 664 00:41:59,840 --> 00:42:01,680 Speaker 1: the morning. That's what you need to be thankful for. 665 00:42:02,320 --> 00:42:04,160 Speaker 1: And so he could tell that I did not like 666 00:42:04,200 --> 00:42:06,040 Speaker 1: that answer, and he's like, oh, oh, oh, but it's 667 00:42:06,080 --> 00:42:08,080 Speaker 1: no problem. I know how to fix this for you. 668 00:42:08,520 --> 00:42:10,560 Speaker 1: So he gets on the boat and he gets this 669 00:42:10,719 --> 00:42:13,040 Speaker 1: belt and he hands it to me. He says, you 670 00:42:13,120 --> 00:42:14,680 Speaker 1: just need to put this belt on. We're going to 671 00:42:14,680 --> 00:42:18,399 Speaker 1: add some weight and it'll force you to sink. Thank you, sir, 672 00:42:18,520 --> 00:42:21,480 Speaker 1: that's awesome. And so I put the belt on and 673 00:42:21,520 --> 00:42:23,680 Speaker 1: we start adding weights to the belt, and then we 674 00:42:23,719 --> 00:42:25,879 Speaker 1: add more weight, and then we add more weight. Y'all, 675 00:42:25,920 --> 00:42:29,439 Speaker 1: nothing is happening, and so then he feels the need 676 00:42:29,480 --> 00:42:33,680 Speaker 1: to over explain what's going on. He said, Wow, you 677 00:42:33,760 --> 00:42:36,319 Speaker 1: need as much weight as a very large man to 678 00:42:36,400 --> 00:42:40,799 Speaker 1: make you sink. Thank you. I've waited all my life 679 00:42:40,800 --> 00:42:45,080 Speaker 1: for a man to say that, really truly. And so 680 00:42:45,280 --> 00:42:47,640 Speaker 1: finally he gets enough weight on my weight belt to 681 00:42:47,640 --> 00:42:51,760 Speaker 1: where I do sink. The problem is that my bottom 682 00:42:51,840 --> 00:42:55,719 Speaker 1: is still pointed north at all times. And so I 683 00:42:55,760 --> 00:42:57,560 Speaker 1: got down to where my people were, but I was 684 00:42:57,640 --> 00:43:01,000 Speaker 1: like in the formation, and there is nothing I could 685 00:43:01,040 --> 00:43:04,120 Speaker 1: do at all, and so they are all my people 686 00:43:04,200 --> 00:43:08,160 Speaker 1: and they're all standing around. I'm just hanging there. And 687 00:43:08,520 --> 00:43:11,319 Speaker 1: have you ever been able to feel what someone else 688 00:43:11,400 --> 00:43:14,440 Speaker 1: is thinking? You know what I mean? I could feel 689 00:43:14,440 --> 00:43:17,799 Speaker 1: what my people were thinking. They were thinking, Hey, what's up, 690 00:43:18,040 --> 00:43:22,040 Speaker 1: Mom's butt, that's what's up? Just constantly up. And it 691 00:43:22,080 --> 00:43:24,399 Speaker 1: was just it was just not a good situation, right, 692 00:43:24,680 --> 00:43:26,239 Speaker 1: And I was trying so hard to pretend like it 693 00:43:26,239 --> 00:43:28,640 Speaker 1: was normal, but it was one hundred percent not normal. 694 00:43:29,280 --> 00:43:32,280 Speaker 1: And so the dive master just gives us some little 695 00:43:32,360 --> 00:43:35,160 Speaker 1: instructions using his hand, and then he divides us up 696 00:43:35,200 --> 00:43:37,920 Speaker 1: into groups, and now we're supposed to go and swim 697 00:43:37,960 --> 00:43:40,600 Speaker 1: off with the person we were assigned to. So I 698 00:43:40,640 --> 00:43:42,960 Speaker 1: was assigned with my oldest daughter, and so we had 699 00:43:43,000 --> 00:43:46,360 Speaker 1: barely turned from the group and we started to swim 700 00:43:46,400 --> 00:43:50,040 Speaker 1: from the group to go exploring, and suddenly a creature 701 00:43:50,680 --> 00:43:56,280 Speaker 1: out of nowhere whips right through us and rams itself 702 00:43:56,480 --> 00:44:01,200 Speaker 1: into my daughter's head. Well, I am out, absolutely panicked. 703 00:44:01,320 --> 00:44:05,640 Speaker 1: She is panicked, and I'm looking around and all my 704 00:44:05,760 --> 00:44:09,799 Speaker 1: other people are like, it's okay, it's okay. I look 705 00:44:09,840 --> 00:44:12,279 Speaker 1: at the dive master and he said it's okay, and 706 00:44:12,360 --> 00:44:15,239 Speaker 1: I'm thinking, yeah, because all you people are skinny, I'm 707 00:44:15,280 --> 00:44:19,719 Speaker 1: the chicken nugget down here, okay. And so yeah, you're 708 00:44:19,760 --> 00:44:21,640 Speaker 1: okay because that thing's gonna come after me and give 709 00:44:21,680 --> 00:44:25,239 Speaker 1: you all time to escape. So the creature kind of 710 00:44:25,239 --> 00:44:26,960 Speaker 1: went away for a little bit, and my daughter and 711 00:44:27,000 --> 00:44:29,480 Speaker 1: I are still tentative, and we decide, okay, we're just 712 00:44:29,520 --> 00:44:32,960 Speaker 1: gonna keep exploring, and the creature comes back and it 713 00:44:33,040 --> 00:44:36,520 Speaker 1: rams itself into my daughter's head so hard that she 714 00:44:36,719 --> 00:44:41,560 Speaker 1: completely panics and she jumps on top of me, expecting 715 00:44:41,640 --> 00:44:44,080 Speaker 1: me to be the solution to this issue. Well, she 716 00:44:44,200 --> 00:44:46,800 Speaker 1: causes so much of a stir that my other people 717 00:44:46,840 --> 00:44:51,120 Speaker 1: start jumping on top of me. Now everybody's looking at 718 00:44:51,160 --> 00:44:54,320 Speaker 1: me to save their life. But then I remembered my gift. 719 00:44:54,760 --> 00:45:01,640 Speaker 1: I ripped off that weight bell and we did rise. 720 00:45:02,000 --> 00:45:08,840 Speaker 1: Oh yeah, hi, Well we got up on that boat, y'all. 721 00:45:09,000 --> 00:45:12,400 Speaker 1: I was like, hmm, mabadon kenok saved ah you people. 722 00:45:15,600 --> 00:45:18,520 Speaker 1: But the dive master came up and he was absolutely 723 00:45:18,560 --> 00:45:22,440 Speaker 1: positively not impressed at all. He just wasn't and he 724 00:45:22,480 --> 00:45:24,560 Speaker 1: looked at us and he said, you all need to 725 00:45:24,600 --> 00:45:26,279 Speaker 1: sit on the edge of the boat. It was like 726 00:45:26,280 --> 00:45:29,480 Speaker 1: we were in boat time out, you know. And he 727 00:45:29,520 --> 00:45:31,520 Speaker 1: took his finger and he pointed it right at me. 728 00:45:31,640 --> 00:45:34,080 Speaker 1: He said, do you know why you panicked down there? 729 00:45:35,960 --> 00:45:39,319 Speaker 1: He said, you panicked because you took your eyes off 730 00:45:39,400 --> 00:45:43,319 Speaker 1: the dive muster, and the dive muster knows things you 731 00:45:43,440 --> 00:45:46,680 Speaker 1: don't know. And you were never in any trouble. The 732 00:45:46,760 --> 00:45:50,120 Speaker 1: worst danger you created is by shooting up back to 733 00:45:50,200 --> 00:45:53,080 Speaker 1: the boat without ascending an increments like you're supposed to. 734 00:45:53,400 --> 00:45:58,399 Speaker 1: Never take your eyes off the master. Never take your 735 00:45:58,440 --> 00:46:14,960 Speaker 1: eyes off the relationships. They're wonderful until they're not. And 736 00:46:15,000 --> 00:46:19,319 Speaker 1: you know, I think the most important thing when you're 737 00:46:19,320 --> 00:46:23,480 Speaker 1: trying to have healthy conversations and implement boundaries. And I 738 00:46:23,560 --> 00:46:27,360 Speaker 1: know so many of you have much more challenging situations 739 00:46:27,400 --> 00:46:31,880 Speaker 1: than the second grade teacher and than your friend making 740 00:46:31,920 --> 00:46:35,799 Speaker 1: you run late. I know it because I've lived those 741 00:46:35,960 --> 00:46:42,920 Speaker 1: really heartbreaking, devastating situations. And you're hesitant to draw boundaries 742 00:46:44,360 --> 00:46:47,320 Speaker 1: because you're so afraid that if you draw a boundary, 743 00:46:47,360 --> 00:46:50,160 Speaker 1: that that other person will take something from you that 744 00:46:50,239 --> 00:46:55,040 Speaker 1: they give you that you're not sure you'd be okay without. 745 00:46:56,880 --> 00:47:00,600 Speaker 1: We will always desperately want from other people what we 746 00:47:00,680 --> 00:47:05,480 Speaker 1: fear our God will not provide. Keep your eyes on 747 00:47:05,520 --> 00:47:10,640 Speaker 1: the Master. Keep your eyes on the Master. The Master 748 00:47:10,800 --> 00:47:15,040 Speaker 1: knows things you don't know. Stay in his word, keep 749 00:47:15,080 --> 00:47:21,120 Speaker 1: coming to church, keep listening to the messages, read helpful 750 00:47:21,160 --> 00:47:28,360 Speaker 1: resources on boundaries, and remember boundaries. The ultimate purpose is 751 00:47:28,400 --> 00:47:32,799 Speaker 1: to love others well without losing the best of who 752 00:47:32,840 --> 00:47:40,360 Speaker 1: we are. God bless you well. If you enjoyed today's podcast, 753 00:47:40,400 --> 00:47:42,480 Speaker 1: there are a couple things I'd love for you to do. 754 00:47:42,600 --> 00:47:46,920 Speaker 1: Make sure to subscribe, rate, and review this podcast. You 755 00:47:46,960 --> 00:47:49,399 Speaker 1: can also help us reach others by investing today at 756 00:47:49,400 --> 00:47:53,440 Speaker 1: elevationchurch dot org, slash give and thanks again for joining 757 00:47:53,480 --> 00:47:55,080 Speaker 1: us on the Elevation Podcast