Speaker 1: You'll know because you're the bellwether of cultural zegeist. What
Speaker 1: is it called when you know guys want that kind
Speaker 1: of the perfect it's the perfect, like descriptor of the girlfriend,
Speaker 1: Manic Pixy dream girl. That's exactly right. Did you see
Speaker 1: how quickly she knew what I was talking about? You
Speaker 1: see how she speaks youth. She speaks youth. That's my
Speaker 1: bread and butter. Well, Manic Pixie dream girl, Yeah.
Speaker 2: That's me.
Speaker 1: Well, I think I was just manic. I was just
Speaker 1: fan of Hello, I'm mini driver. I've always loved Proust's questionnaire.
Speaker 1: It was originally in nineteenth century parlor game where players
Speaker 1: would ask each other thirty five questions aimed at revealing.
Speaker 3: The other player's true nature.
Speaker 1: In asking different people the same set of questions, you
Speaker 1: can make observations about which truths appear to be universal.
Speaker 1: And it made me wonder, what if these questions were
Speaker 1: just the jumping off point, what greater depths would be
Speaker 1: revealed if I asked these questions as conversation stuff. So
Speaker 1: I adapted Pru's questionnaire and I wrote my own seven
Speaker 1: questions that I personally think are pertinent to a person's story.
Speaker 3: They are When and where were you happiest? What is
Speaker 3: the quality you like least about yourself? What relationship, real
Speaker 3: or fictionalized, defines.
Speaker 1: Love for you?
Speaker 3: What question would you most like answered? What person, place,
Speaker 3: or experience has shaped you the most? What would be
Speaker 3: your last meal? And can you tell me something in
Speaker 3: your life that's grown out of a personal disaster? And
Speaker 3: I've gathered a group.
Speaker 1: Of really remarkable people, ones that I am honored and
Speaker 1: humbled to have had the chance to engage with. You
Speaker 1: may not hear their answers to all seven of these questions.
Speaker 1: We've whittled it down to which questions felt closest to
Speaker 1: their experience, or the most surprising.
Speaker 3: Or created the most fertile ground to connect.
Speaker 1: My guest today is writer and comedian Delaney Rowe. She
Speaker 1: has millions and millions of followers on Instagram and TikTok,
Speaker 1: But I hesitate to use the term social media personality
Speaker 1: because to me as a descriptor, it lacks the depth
Speaker 1: of interest that Delaney possesses. Now, this could just be
Speaker 1: me forcing narratives into concepts, I understand, But she makes
Speaker 1: what are essentially short films on Instagram and TikTok. Her
Speaker 1: most famous creation being a character called insufferable female lead
Speaker 1: of an indie movie. Now, perhaps I love this character
Speaker 1: so much because I have been that character, But mostly
Speaker 1: I think it's because it is so well observed, so
Speaker 1: brilliantly executed, and that Delaney possesses that rare quality of beauty, wit,
Speaker 1: and timing. I always love asking these questions of mine
Speaker 1: to younger people, largely because they offer such a different
Speaker 1: and unique perspective. At the risk of standing even more patronizing,
Speaker 1: I just couldn't be more interested to see how Delaney
Speaker 1: evolves and grows as an artist and continues to shape
Speaker 1: this particular core of our culture, because she is clever
Speaker 1: and observant and really cool. What person, place, or experience
Speaker 1: most altered your life?
Speaker 2: Okay? I used to be a private chef like before
Speaker 2: what I do now, and that was a crazy time
Speaker 2: in my life because it was the thing that allowed
Speaker 2: me to realize I can do very difficult things. I
Speaker 2: can access a stamina in myself that I didn't know
Speaker 2: that I had, maybe growing up and then being in
Speaker 2: a highly pressorized situation like being a private chef for
Speaker 2: like big clients who are expecting so much from you.
Speaker 2: You can't fuck up like you just and if you
Speaker 2: do fuck up, you just have to get right back
Speaker 2: on track and figure it out and you enter this
Speaker 2: flow state and it's incredible. And it was also at
Speaker 2: a time where like everyone my age was not doing
Speaker 2: anything like that. Everyone was like a hostess or like
Speaker 2: a nanny or like working for their dads blah blah
Speaker 2: blah blah. And like I was like, I am hitting
Speaker 2: the streets every day. I didn't know how to drive.
Speaker 2: I still don't know how to drive. I would walk
Speaker 2: to the market with a wagon at six am and
Speaker 2: like fill it with food for like these football players
Speaker 2: and then go off and work from like seven am
Speaker 2: to like eight pm at night. And I was like,
Speaker 2: nobody can do what I'm doing like that I know
Speaker 2: right now. And I was not a professional. I was
Speaker 2: like learning on the job. And it gave me a
Speaker 2: tremendous amount of self esteem because it was like I
Speaker 2: can do hard things. And it was this kind of
Speaker 2: turning point where I was like I might not be
Speaker 2: a little bitch, like I can be out here in
Speaker 2: the world really working hard. And it made me really
Speaker 2: happy and really confident.
Speaker 1: Wow, I think that's such a good point about learning
Speaker 1: how to do hard things. I think that's like that.
Speaker 1: I talk about that a lot with my son. That
Speaker 1: part of my job is to teach him how to
Speaker 1: do that. But I think figuring out for yourself just
Speaker 1: by actually doing it is even more impassibl Yeah, how
Speaker 1: would you get to the venue? How would you do? Uber?
Speaker 2: When you were go it was wagon to the grocery store,
Speaker 2: fill the wagon and then lift the wagon into the
Speaker 2: back of a black suv like Uber black suv.
Speaker 1: Oh my god. It was like I was ripped, Manny.
Speaker 2: I had these insane biceps from just you know, and
Speaker 2: like you know, they're athletes, so it's like you're carrying.
Speaker 1: Like boxes of booze in.
Speaker 2: It was just and I was like this kind of
Speaker 2: like tiny twenty two year old, and I was like,
Speaker 2: I don't ever have to work out. I just have
Speaker 2: to do this job forever. You're on your feet your Wow. Fuck,
Speaker 2: it's big, like in a good way, like Mustella, like
Speaker 2: it's awesome.
Speaker 1: I was like, I was ripped.
Speaker 2: I miss it.
Speaker 1: My god, how amazing, So which leads very nicely then
Speaker 1: into what would I can't wait to hear this? What
Speaker 1: would be your last?
Speaker 2: It's going to be a little disappointing. I think it
Speaker 2: always is. My favorite food in the world is just
Speaker 2: white rice, and I love it with just some sort
Speaker 2: of like fat.
Speaker 1: My choice is butter, So like white.
Speaker 2: Rice with a ton of butter, and then I would
Speaker 2: put two over easy eggs on that, and I have
Speaker 2: that most days for breakfast. So I like that my
Speaker 2: last meal is something that I kind of have every day.
Speaker 2: Like that's how much I love it.
Speaker 1: That's very comforting. But I also like that. I like
Speaker 1: that you have it for breakfast and that's how you
Speaker 1: would go out, and it was my last meal.
Speaker 2: Two bottles of wine and a pack of cigarettes one
Speaker 2: hundred percent Magenta Capri cigarettes. Yeah, two bottles of orange
Speaker 2: wine and a pack cigarettes one hundred percent.
Speaker 1: I love the drinking natural wine and smoking a pack
Speaker 1: of ye way out. Now, have you just developed a
Speaker 1: real taste for orange wine?
Speaker 2: Yeah, I'm like that. I'm into that shit. I'm into
Speaker 2: that world all of a sudden. And I actually got
Speaker 2: into the world because when I was cheffing, I had
Speaker 2: this massive budget to spend on wine every day. And
Speaker 2: athletes they're not drinking a ton of wine. Most of
Speaker 2: them weren't anyway, like it was more like Don Julio
Speaker 2: nineteen forty two, Like that was kind of there. But
Speaker 2: you know, I had all this extra budget for wine,
Speaker 2: so I would buy the wine anyway and.
Speaker 1: Then I would drink it, and then I would drink it. Yeah,
Speaker 1: that's right, I was doing.
Speaker 2: I'm a hero, Okay, I'm a hero. I would also
Speaker 2: get like a book about wine, and then I'd be
Speaker 2: reading a book about wine as I would wait for
Speaker 2: them to come home and in between lunch and dinner service,
Speaker 2: and I'm like, try and love it a loine and
Speaker 2: have it a great time.
Speaker 1: Is wine you'r thing? Is wine what you love? Yeah,
Speaker 1: it's a big deal. Yeah yeah, yeah, wine. Wine is
Speaker 1: a really big deal.
Speaker 2: I have wine fridges in both my apartments because of that.
Speaker 1: It's a big deal for me.
Speaker 2: I'm not taking cocktails off the table though, Like of course,
Speaker 2: I love a martini as much as the next broad So,
Speaker 2: like gin is also big for me.
Speaker 1: I like monkey forty seven gin.
Speaker 2: You know this?
Speaker 1: Do I know? That? Chin Chin Chin? For me is
Speaker 1: just it's just the taste of hopelessness, cleaning supplies. I
Speaker 1: get that.
Speaker 2: I do get that. What is your drink? Oh?
Speaker 1: Tequila on the Rocks. I just love a good episode.
Speaker 1: But I love beer, Okay, cool girl of beer. I
Speaker 1: also love cheap beer, no way, man, by the way.
Speaker 1: That's honestly. It was because you get these weird YenS,
Speaker 1: like when you get pregnant and stuff, and one of them.
Speaker 1: I'd never really been a beer drinker before, and then
Speaker 1: I had this yen that never went away since I
Speaker 1: had my son, and I just I fucking love them hops.
Speaker 1: That is great, that's sexy. I love that you're saying
Speaker 1: that it's sexy and it's cool on Never in a
Speaker 1: million years though sexy. It's little maintenance. She's like down.
Speaker 1: I love that. Yeah, cheap beer and expensive tequila. I
Speaker 1: can't believe you're a chef. There's so much more that
Speaker 1: I want to ask you about that. Wait, did you
Speaker 1: just chef for athletes? Was that?
Speaker 2: Fol It was mostly athletes and then it was some
Speaker 2: other actors and like people like that as well.
Speaker 1: But did you stop doing that to do what you're
Speaker 1: doing now or did you do them in like concurrently?
Speaker 2: Yeah? I was doing at the end there, I was
Speaker 2: doing it concurrently and it was so embarrassing. I'd be
Speaker 2: like in the kitchen making like gaspacho and I would
Speaker 2: like hear my voice on their phone, like I would
Speaker 2: come up on their TikTok and I was like, that's
Speaker 2: not me, that's a look alike. And then I had
Speaker 2: a job and naturally, and then in that gap between
Speaker 2: finding a new driver, I was like, what if I
Speaker 2: just don't find a new job and see what happens
Speaker 2: with this internet stuff?
Speaker 1: And then blah and beholt I'm on Mini Drivers podcast. Dude,
Speaker 1: would to be able to like, it's so impressive to
Speaker 1: be able to convert what's funny and interesting and that
Speaker 1: you have a facility for into actually being able to
Speaker 1: live off. Like that's quite something, Like it really is,
Speaker 1: Like I think it's such an extraordinary bit of alchemy
Speaker 1: to ever be able to take your interest that's outside
Speaker 1: of what you've been previously doing, particularly and make a
Speaker 1: living out of there. Fuck yeah, it's amazing, just amazing.
Speaker 1: You do it too, find what you love and get
Speaker 1: someone to pay you to do it. So what quality
Speaker 1: do you like? Least about yourself?
Speaker 2: Easy? I can be so self centered and single minded.
Speaker 2: I was having a discussion with someone last night who
Speaker 2: was talking about a very specific experience to them, and
Speaker 2: I went no, that can't be right, and he goes, no, no, no,
Speaker 2: Just because you haven't experienced it doesn't mean it's not
Speaker 2: true for me, And I was like, aha, yes, you're
Speaker 2: probably right about that. So a lot of that goes
Speaker 2: on with me, a lot of if I haven't felt it,
Speaker 2: how could it possibly be going on? And so trying
Speaker 2: to step outside my own experience is really like what
Speaker 2: I've been working on in the twilight of my twenties.
Speaker 1: Here, how do you do that? Do you do that
Speaker 1: by listening and going I'm just going to let this
Speaker 1: like talk and I'm not going to comment on what
Speaker 1: he's saying, even if I don't agree with it, Like
Speaker 1: how do you practice it?
Speaker 2: How I practice it is by allowing myself to be
Speaker 2: incorrect a lot like looking for reasons that evidence in
Speaker 2: my mind for whatever I'm thinking, like the contrary evidence
Speaker 2: of that, where I'm like, okay, now look for examples
Speaker 2: in the world where what you're so sure of is
Speaker 2: not true and you can always find it.
Speaker 1: So I try to do that.
Speaker 2: I try to prove myself wrong a lot because I
Speaker 2: actually really want to be wrong.
Speaker 1: It makes me feel hopeful. I love it. You must
Speaker 1: love getting pulled over by the cops. Well, thank you
Speaker 1: for setting right. I needed to feel wrong and now
Speaker 1: I do. Maybe that's my king being wrong sounds like
Speaker 1: it either way. That's so hilarious. It's like being cool
Speaker 1: breaking an entering, right, I'm just doing this is like right,
Speaker 1: this is my I'm trying to better myself. Yeah, this
Speaker 1: honestly this doesn't live like self improvement. It looks like
Speaker 1: I'm trying to make your jewelry, but it is self improvement.
Speaker 2: Right, It's that, And then it also manifests itself and
Speaker 2: just like this intense like horse blinder focus around something
Speaker 2: that I'm working on, where it is like everything around
Speaker 2: me is just like destroyed tables flipped over, like apartment
Speaker 2: in disarray until I like finish that thing. And I'm
Speaker 2: using like examples of like physical objects, but same with relationships,
Speaker 2: like I will let things really go by the wayside,
Speaker 2: communicating with my family, like romantic things. It's just like
Speaker 2: jettison that to edit this goddamn video. Like that kind
Speaker 2: of single mindedness can really be like it's not pleasurable.
Speaker 2: It feels bad even when I'm doing it, but I
Speaker 2: can't really help it, so I think it all is
Speaker 2: wrapped up in a self centeredness that I'm trying to
Speaker 2: grow out of.
Speaker 1: You know what, I home, you didn't grow out of
Speaker 1: all of it. Some therapist, rather brilliantly it said to
Speaker 1: me once when I was whatever it was I was
Speaker 1: going through, It was like, you never want to get
Speaker 1: rid of one hundred percent of your shit. You always
Speaker 1: need to keep a certain percentage in order to recognize it,
Speaker 1: in order to know it, and also in order to
Speaker 1: pay it its dues for having taught you. And I
Speaker 1: was like, oh my god, I'm supposed to literally tithe
Speaker 1: to my emotional and psychological shit. And he was like, yeah,
Speaker 1: pretty much. I think it's really interesting.
Speaker 2: And I think also those.
Speaker 1: Women were told there was supposed to iron out every
Speaker 1: single thing that is somehow difficult or unappealing, when a
Speaker 1: natural thing what you've just described. Yes, I know that
Speaker 1: being self centered and single minded. I've been there, of
Speaker 1: suffering the loss of relationships and family, being mad, But
Speaker 1: it's also becomes the engine. There's nobody else motivating you.
Speaker 1: It is part of your engine. It is part of
Speaker 1: what propels us to create and to make things, and
Speaker 1: it does require a certain Maybe you'll reframe it won't
Speaker 1: just be self centeredive, but it will be yeah driven.
Speaker 1: I mean anyone could see that by looking at the
Speaker 1: films that you make, the videos that you may thank you,
Speaker 1: I mean you have to be in order to create
Speaker 1: that content. I think the best thing about you and
Speaker 1: the worst thing about you, or.
Speaker 2: Often like just two sides of the same coin like that. Yeah,
Speaker 2: so you need it? What's yours? Yeah?
Speaker 1: What's yours? Everything mine a spiral, a spiral, and I
Speaker 1: pull everything into the vortex of the small thing that's
Speaker 1: going wrong is suddenly everything? Is this just in a
Speaker 1: form of anxiety? Do you?
Speaker 2: I think?
Speaker 1: Yeah? Which I never had that word. I really genuinely
Speaker 1: never had that word. And there was never a bottom
Speaker 1: to it, so you could never actually hit the bottom
Speaker 1: and go, oh what was that? It was a kind
Speaker 1: of I think it's a free fall. And I think
Speaker 1: also because there wasn't a word for it, and so
Speaker 1: there wasn't a medication or a therapy or anything. Is
Speaker 1: it be years of putting that together to go, oh,
Speaker 1: this is thing I do. I remember introducing this to
Speaker 1: my boyfriend almost like it was like an elderly aunt
Speaker 1: who I have custody of, darling this is my spiraling
Speaker 1: free for She's fragile and she's sweet, but if you
Speaker 1: just put her on the sofa with a cup of tea,
Speaker 1: usually she gets it back together and she won't shit
Speaker 1: the bad. I love that. I love gently explaining your
Speaker 1: own sort.
Speaker 2: Of like pathologies to other people, being like, hey, this
Speaker 2: is what's going on right now. I even have a
Speaker 2: signal now to the people in my life. I shake
Speaker 2: my hands like this. If I'm like going into this
Speaker 2: weird sort of introverted like the hall, I just go.
Speaker 1: I'll talk to you in three hours. Listen. Communication and
Speaker 1: the ability to teach people about your language. I think
Speaker 1: that's really cool to be able to do that. Yeah,
Speaker 1: it's not easy, all this living now, it's not You've
Speaker 1: got to find whatever tools you possibly can. Becoming friendly
Speaker 1: with and having signals I think is all really positive.
Speaker 1: I love what you do. Jazz hair.
Speaker 2: Yeah, I don't know. It seems like a way to
Speaker 2: make people laugh when it's happening. So it's just sort
Speaker 2: of like.
Speaker 1: Hey, delady's going into that mode exactly. I might have
Speaker 1: to steal that. That's really good. That's really great. Where
Speaker 1: and when were you happiest?
Speaker 2: Okay, I recently threw a dinner party at my loft
Speaker 2: in Los Angeles. This moment where I wake up and
Speaker 2: I know that that evening I'm entertaining, I'm having a
Speaker 2: bunch of people over. That moment is when I'm the happiest.
Speaker 2: When I get to look forward to a day of
Speaker 2: writing a list of groceries with a pen and a
Speaker 2: piece of paper and taking it to like one of
Speaker 2: those tiny like gourmet food stores and really nerding out
Speaker 2: on some weird brand of grain that I didn't know existed,
Speaker 2: and then and like heirloom blah blah blah blah and
Speaker 2: broth and all that stuff, and getting really crazy with
Speaker 2: that and seeing what's in season, and then putting together
Speaker 2: a menu and like talking to the butcher and the
Speaker 2: fishmonger and being like, how much do I need to
Speaker 2: feed sixteen people? And then there's this dialogue that's happening there,
Speaker 2: and then you feel like you're like, oh my god,
Speaker 2: I really live in my city. I know my butcher.
Speaker 1: And then you come home.
Speaker 2: And it's the stay of repping and creating sauces while
Speaker 2: all simultaneously watching like a Nancy Meyer's movie at the background.
Speaker 2: That's my ritual I love to put on a movie
Speaker 2: and I'm getting ready for a dinner party, and then
Speaker 2: it's the making the table, setting the table. I did
Speaker 2: some really crazy things where I would like go to
Speaker 2: the fabric District in Los Angeles and make my own
Speaker 2: tablecloth and really get into that kind of thing. And
Speaker 2: then you're having a glass of wine right before everybody
Speaker 2: shows up, and everyone comes in and maybe you've invited
Speaker 2: your crush and that's going to be exciting, and there's
Speaker 2: so much wine. The night is so full of potential.
Speaker 2: So a day like that is always when I'm the happiest,
Speaker 2: and it's imperative that it is in my space. Having
Speaker 2: people to MySpace like that's just what brings a home warmth.
Speaker 2: And so I just got this place in New York
Speaker 2: and it's significantly smaller here, and so I haven't quite
Speaker 2: been able to do the type of parties they do
Speaker 2: in Los Angeles, but I'm hoping to bring that here
Speaker 2: so I feel that same kind of happiness.
Speaker 1: Wow, God, if I've got sixteen people coming over, I
Speaker 1: wake up on the morning to be like, oh fucking footballs, yeah, wow,
Speaker 1: so good. How most people find that way? I know,
Speaker 1: and my sister loves it. You two and you I'm
Speaker 1: sure are very good at it because you take pleasure
Speaker 1: in it.
Speaker 2: Yeah, I think it's a performance or maybe even a manipulation,
Speaker 2: because it's look at how I can show you that
Speaker 2: my life is put together.
Speaker 1: Look at all these little tricks I'm showing you.
Speaker 2: How I shut then oyster in, how I was able
Speaker 2: to get sixteen bottles of wine.
Speaker 1: It is a little bit of a manipulation.
Speaker 2: And I think about that a lot.
Speaker 1: That's interesting how I'm come instantly, not constantly every now
Speaker 1: and again, when I'm stop breaking down, Like performance and
Speaker 1: being an actor, I can never get away from the
Speaker 1: embarrassing need for approbation and of people's acknowledgement of what
Speaker 1: I've done and needing supports the nice way of saying
Speaker 1: it around that, are you aware of kind of your
Speaker 1: foibles around the things that you like? You say, that's
Speaker 1: a tenet of you. Having a dinner party is going.
Speaker 1: Maybe there's some manipulation in there of wanting people to
Speaker 1: be or thinking about it. She got oysters and she
Speaker 1: knew how to shuck it. Yeah. Do you think that's
Speaker 1: part of being an actor or do you think that's
Speaker 1: just part of your pathology.
Speaker 2: I definitely think it's part of being a performer of
Speaker 2: any kind. I think that people who have been doing
Speaker 2: it for a really long time and have been able
Speaker 2: to sustain a career as a performer probably are able
Speaker 2: to shed that sooner rather than later, because it's an
Speaker 2: unsustainable way to go about doing it expecting that sort
Speaker 2: of positive feedback loop.
Speaker 1: Yeah, I think about sometimes my apartment.
Speaker 2: It's more of like a set that I've like, really
Speaker 2: thought about the production design of it more than enough apartment. Oh,
Speaker 2: I've got these beautiful gold salt and pepper grinders.
Speaker 1: Do I like these?
Speaker 2: Or do I just want them so that people see
Speaker 2: them and go, Delaney has those?
Speaker 1: And what does that say?
Speaker 2: That she found those or sourced them from an interesting
Speaker 2: vantage website and she must have such a rich internal life?
Speaker 1: What am I always looking for? But that's it. I
Speaker 1: think it's interesting. I've always felt like if one is
Speaker 1: in on the jug of what one is doing, that
Speaker 1: there's an absolution in that. Like it was like, is
Speaker 1: this Delaney wanting the gold pepper and salt things or
Speaker 1: is this actually me wanting to bread? Like I think
Speaker 1: having that self awareness, I think it's observably that way,
Speaker 1: and none of this is much to come across as
Speaker 1: patronizing even if it does. But I am significantly older
Speaker 1: than you. I think it does save you. I think
Speaker 1: self awareness is the thing that actually forks you out
Speaker 1: of more shit in life, actually being able to acknowledge
Speaker 1: it and go, yeah I did that, or yeah I
Speaker 1: did that.
Speaker 2: There's this sort of funny rhetoric on it where it's like,
Speaker 2: if you are even considering whether you're a narcissist or
Speaker 2: googling it, you're probably not a narcissist. And I'm like, okay,
Speaker 2: but come on, there's got to be a loopho hole there.
Speaker 2: That's some narcissists have figured out.
Speaker 1: So I'm still not stop free on that. No convinced, Yeah, no, convinced,
Speaker 1: not entirely.
Speaker 2: Are the really good narcissists in on that too.
Speaker 1: Yeah, exactly. I'm really well prepared. What relationship, real or fictionalized,
Speaker 1: defines love for you.
Speaker 2: I was actually watching when Harry met Sali recently, and
Speaker 2: you know how it's interspersed with these introductions to these
Speaker 2: couples who have been together in real life for like
Speaker 2: one hundred and forty seven years. It's like Marty and
Speaker 2: Nancy met in a bread factory and they've been together
Speaker 2: for two hundred years. I I am really fascinated by
Speaker 2: couples who withstand like an insane test of time like that,
Speaker 2: because it's increasingly rare, and I find it very old
Speaker 2: fashioned and very romantic. And as I get older, I
Speaker 2: think I'm realizing, like I might be sort of romantic
Speaker 2: and old fashioned. And so I'm looking around at all
Speaker 2: of these couples around my age, and I don't know,
Speaker 2: I have no idea what to say about what's going
Speaker 2: on with them. I actually think my generation is getting
Speaker 2: a lot wrong when it comes to romantic relationships right now.
Speaker 2: And also I acknowledge this question could have been about
Speaker 2: platonic love. But yeah, I guess what I'm most interested
Speaker 2: in romantic love, Sue me. I think that's the most fun.
Speaker 2: Even looking at couples like in the industry, I like
Speaker 2: Goldie Hawn and Kurt Russell, who have been together since
Speaker 2: what nineteen eighty three, Like, I really want to know
Speaker 2: what's going on they're like, who knows the shit that
Speaker 2: they've been through? Who knows how they make it work?
Speaker 2: But I'm interested in the devotion of staying together beyond
Speaker 2: whatever they've gone through, Like, I really find that fascinating.
Speaker 2: So I don't know. I think I'm hopeful. It makes
Speaker 2: me feel hopeful.
Speaker 1: I love that My aunt was married for sixty two
Speaker 1: years and he died quite recently, and I was asking
Speaker 1: her about her marriage and she said, it's like a centrifuge,
Speaker 1: and you have all of these things that will get
Speaker 1: put into that centrifige. But because there was a ton
Speaker 1: of shit that went down that he did and that
Speaker 1: today we would go, well, I can't believe they didn't
Speaker 1: get divorced or whatever from whatever, all these different things.
Speaker 1: And she said, you sometimes take years where you're processing
Speaker 1: whether or not these things that have come at you
Speaker 1: actually qualify as shutting down this centrifuge. Are they bigger
Speaker 1: than this central thing? And she was like I kept
Speaker 1: not being able to answer yes. I kept going No,
Speaker 1: this affair or this infraction, this argument, this lack of
Speaker 1: moral compunction, this whatever it was, is not greater than
Speaker 1: the profound connection, devotion, and shared life that we have together.
Speaker 1: And I was like, but why are you just boiling
Speaker 1: with fucking rage? And she was like, of course I was.
Speaker 1: Then there were years where I would boil, and I
Speaker 1: was like, what would you do? And she was like,
Speaker 1: don't you remember when I used to come and stay
Speaker 1: with you for extended periods of time? And I was like,
Speaker 1: I thought, it's just because you liked us, and she
Speaker 1: was like, don't be ridiculous, right, you know that's special.
Speaker 1: So maybe it is that it's like going, is this
Speaker 1: more important? Then? But you've got to have that solid
Speaker 1: devotion to that kind of initial that love. Yeah, have
Speaker 1: you been in love? I have a couple times. Did
Speaker 1: you like it?
Speaker 2: Of course, love makes everything better, and it makes when
Speaker 2: something is networking in your life, it makes that all
Speaker 2: the sweeter because you go, it's okay, I'm in love.
Speaker 2: I don't have to work out with it. I'm in love.
Speaker 1: I just paid X amount of taxes. I'm fine, I'm
Speaker 1: in love.
Speaker 2: That's what I like about love. It really does make
Speaker 2: everything better. And I find that, like when I'm in love,
Speaker 2: I am healthyest physically healthy, Like my like disposition changes
Speaker 2: when I'm in love, Like my hair looks better, you know.
Speaker 2: And these are all probably results of the hormonal in
Speaker 2: flux coursing through your system, of course, with.
Speaker 1: What comes with love. But yeah, totally that's really nice.
Speaker 1: That's really nice to acknowledge that I don't know that
Speaker 1: I really liked being in love that much. Are you
Speaker 1: in love at the moment? Well, oh yes, there I go,
Speaker 1: Oh yes, I But I have to say it is
Speaker 1: an evolved version of the love that I felt at
Speaker 1: twenty six is different from the love that I feel.
Speaker 1: I love them both, but this one feels like it
Speaker 1: could manage a tornado, and it could in it will.
Speaker 1: It is sustainable. And that's not to say that it
Speaker 1: is not interesting, varied, charismatic, sexy and all those other things.
Speaker 1: It's just I think it's probably just that we are
Speaker 1: different in these different seasons of our life. But it's
Speaker 1: very different. It's a very different kind of it's a
Speaker 1: very different kind of love.
Speaker 2: What would you say to the mid to late twenties
Speaker 2: MANI who is either in love or falling in love?
Speaker 1: What's that love advice that you're going to give now?
Speaker 1: It genuinely would say, just please just put a moratorium
Speaker 1: on dating actors. Just don't do it. Just don't do it.
Speaker 1: Just if I'm going to do one thing, I'm not
Speaker 1: going to do this, because there isn't with all the
Speaker 1: love in the world, and God knows, I love actors.
Speaker 1: I love them, fascinated by them. I think they're sexy
Speaker 1: and cool and great, and they do what I do,
Speaker 1: and they love what I love, and I love watching
Speaker 1: how they do it. Or there is room, but it's
Speaker 1: not room for two of these sensibilities. Something has to give,
Speaker 1: someone has to give it up, someone just has to do.
Speaker 1: I do agree with that.
Speaker 2: I've constructed a theory in the last few months, which
Speaker 2: is that within every great romantic relationship, there is the ham,
Speaker 2: and then there's the straight man. And this reference doesn't
Speaker 2: work because'm actually about to reference to actors, but it's like,
Speaker 2: there's got to be the Charlie Day and then there's
Speaker 2: the Jason Bateman, meaning like Charlie's the hair, and then
Speaker 2: we've got a straight man over here. So it's like,
Speaker 2: I've noticed that whenever I have a relationship that's really working,
Speaker 2: it's because they've allowed me to be the ham. I
Speaker 2: always have to be the hand.
Speaker 1: By the way, Can I tell you that is what
Speaker 1: Addison has in all of his like capacious intellectual amazingness,
Speaker 1: what he has done for me is just to let
Speaker 1: me be the ham, not be angry with me for it.
Speaker 1: Not put poke fun at me, not feel threatened, not
Speaker 1: be jealous, not be jealous. I need to shut it down.
Speaker 1: So maybe to throw that blanket thing over. Well, just
Speaker 1: no actors, But I really do think as a general
Speaker 1: rule of thumb, the actors are better off with civilians. Yeah.
Speaker 2: I've done it both, so I'll let you know how
Speaker 2: it goes.
Speaker 1: You know, it's all up in the air and now.
Speaker 2: But no, I'd love to date like a dentist. That
Speaker 2: sounds great. Dentists start really on RAYA is the problem?
Speaker 1: Have you ever been on Riya?
Speaker 2: Really?
Speaker 1: I yet? No, I have not been on Rare. I've
Speaker 1: swiped through with a friend of mine, and the world
Speaker 1: of online dating that is quite something. Oh yeah, is
Speaker 1: that way you meet people?
Speaker 2: No, I meet people at work events and they're usually actors, writers, directors, comedians.
Speaker 1: I've got a hot dentist.
Speaker 2: I'm really to it.
Speaker 1: Yeah, okay, I'm not even kidding. Then where does he live.
Speaker 1: He's like in Hudson. Oh that's not too far. Okay,
Speaker 1: I'm in Chinatown. I'm definitely texting him after we we
Speaker 1: hang out. Okay, how old are we talking? He's thirty four. Oh,
Speaker 1: that's per effect. I know that's where dentist. I was like,
Speaker 1: hold please, she looks like me. You're gonna be so happy. Okay,
Speaker 1: this is so funny. Mini Questions is hosted and written
Speaker 1: by me Mini Driver, Executive produced by Me and Aaron Kaufman,
Speaker 1: with production support from Jennifer Bassett, Zoey Dentler and Ali Perry.
Speaker 3: The theme music is also by me.
Speaker 1: An Additional music by Aaron Kaufman. Special thanks to Jim
Speaker 1: Nikolay Addison, O'Day, Henry Driver, Lisa Castella, Anick oppenheim, A,
Speaker 1: Nick Muller and Annette Wolfe at w kp R, Will Pearson,
Speaker 1: Nicki Etoor, Morgan Levoy and Mangesh had ticke Adore