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Speaker 1: You'll know because you're the bellwether of cultural zegeist. What

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Speaker 1: is it called when you know guys want that kind

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Speaker 1: of the perfect it's the perfect, like descriptor of the girlfriend,

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Speaker 1: Manic Pixy dream girl. That's exactly right. Did you see

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Speaker 1: how quickly she knew what I was talking about? You

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Speaker 1: see how she speaks youth. She speaks youth. That's my

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Speaker 1: bread and butter. Well, Manic Pixie dream girl, Yeah.

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Speaker 2: That's me.

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Speaker 1: Well, I think I was just manic. I was just

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Speaker 1: fan of Hello, I'm mini driver. I've always loved Proust's questionnaire.

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Speaker 1: It was originally in nineteenth century parlor game where players

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Speaker 1: would ask each other thirty five questions aimed at revealing.

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Speaker 3: The other player's true nature.

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Speaker 1: In asking different people the same set of questions, you

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Speaker 1: can make observations about which truths appear to be universal.

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Speaker 1: And it made me wonder, what if these questions were

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Speaker 1: just the jumping off point, what greater depths would be

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Speaker 1: revealed if I asked these questions as conversation stuff. So

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Speaker 1: I adapted Pru's questionnaire and I wrote my own seven

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Speaker 1: questions that I personally think are pertinent to a person's story.

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Speaker 3: They are When and where were you happiest? What is

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Speaker 3: the quality you like least about yourself? What relationship, real

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Speaker 3: or fictionalized, defines.

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Speaker 1: Love for you?

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Speaker 3: What question would you most like answered? What person, place,

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Speaker 3: or experience has shaped you the most? What would be

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Speaker 3: your last meal? And can you tell me something in

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Speaker 3: your life that's grown out of a personal disaster? And

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Speaker 3: I've gathered a group.

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Speaker 1: Of really remarkable people, ones that I am honored and

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Speaker 1: humbled to have had the chance to engage with. You

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Speaker 1: may not hear their answers to all seven of these questions.

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Speaker 1: We've whittled it down to which questions felt closest to

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Speaker 1: their experience, or the most surprising.

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Speaker 3: Or created the most fertile ground to connect.

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Speaker 1: My guest today is writer and comedian Delaney Rowe. She

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Speaker 1: has millions and millions of followers on Instagram and TikTok,

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Speaker 1: But I hesitate to use the term social media personality

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Speaker 1: because to me as a descriptor, it lacks the depth

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Speaker 1: of interest that Delaney possesses. Now, this could just be

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Speaker 1: me forcing narratives into concepts, I understand, But she makes

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Speaker 1: what are essentially short films on Instagram and TikTok. Her

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Speaker 1: most famous creation being a character called insufferable female lead

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Speaker 1: of an indie movie. Now, perhaps I love this character

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Speaker 1: so much because I have been that character, But mostly

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Speaker 1: I think it's because it is so well observed, so

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Speaker 1: brilliantly executed, and that Delaney possesses that rare quality of beauty, wit,

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Speaker 1: and timing. I always love asking these questions of mine

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Speaker 1: to younger people, largely because they offer such a different

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Speaker 1: and unique perspective. At the risk of standing even more patronizing,

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Speaker 1: I just couldn't be more interested to see how Delaney

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Speaker 1: evolves and grows as an artist and continues to shape

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Speaker 1: this particular core of our culture, because she is clever

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Speaker 1: and observant and really cool. What person, place, or experience

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Speaker 1: most altered your life?

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Speaker 2: Okay? I used to be a private chef like before

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Speaker 2: what I do now, and that was a crazy time

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Speaker 2: in my life because it was the thing that allowed

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Speaker 2: me to realize I can do very difficult things. I

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Speaker 2: can access a stamina in myself that I didn't know

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Speaker 2: that I had, maybe growing up and then being in

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Speaker 2: a highly pressorized situation like being a private chef for

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Speaker 2: like big clients who are expecting so much from you.

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Speaker 2: You can't fuck up like you just and if you

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Speaker 2: do fuck up, you just have to get right back

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Speaker 2: on track and figure it out and you enter this

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Speaker 2: flow state and it's incredible. And it was also at

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Speaker 2: a time where like everyone my age was not doing

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Speaker 2: anything like that. Everyone was like a hostess or like

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Speaker 2: a nanny or like working for their dads blah blah

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Speaker 2: blah blah. And like I was like, I am hitting

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Speaker 2: the streets every day. I didn't know how to drive.

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Speaker 2: I still don't know how to drive. I would walk

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Speaker 2: to the market with a wagon at six am and

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Speaker 2: like fill it with food for like these football players

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Speaker 2: and then go off and work from like seven am

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Speaker 2: to like eight pm at night. And I was like,

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Speaker 2: nobody can do what I'm doing like that I know

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Speaker 2: right now. And I was not a professional. I was

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Speaker 2: like learning on the job. And it gave me a

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Speaker 2: tremendous amount of self esteem because it was like I

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Speaker 2: can do hard things. And it was this kind of

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Speaker 2: turning point where I was like I might not be

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Speaker 2: a little bitch, like I can be out here in

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Speaker 2: the world really working hard. And it made me really

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Speaker 2: happy and really confident.

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Speaker 1: Wow, I think that's such a good point about learning

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Speaker 1: how to do hard things. I think that's like that.

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Speaker 1: I talk about that a lot with my son. That

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Speaker 1: part of my job is to teach him how to

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Speaker 1: do that. But I think figuring out for yourself just

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Speaker 1: by actually doing it is even more impassibl Yeah, how

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Speaker 1: would you get to the venue? How would you do? Uber?

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Speaker 2: When you were go it was wagon to the grocery store,

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Speaker 2: fill the wagon and then lift the wagon into the

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Speaker 2: back of a black suv like Uber black suv.

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Speaker 1: Oh my god. It was like I was ripped, Manny.

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Speaker 2: I had these insane biceps from just you know, and

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Speaker 2: like you know, they're athletes, so it's like you're carrying.

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Speaker 1: Like boxes of booze in.

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Speaker 2: It was just and I was like this kind of

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Speaker 2: like tiny twenty two year old, and I was like,

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Speaker 2: I don't ever have to work out. I just have

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Speaker 2: to do this job forever. You're on your feet your Wow. Fuck,

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Speaker 2: it's big, like in a good way, like Mustella, like

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Speaker 2: it's awesome.

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Speaker 1: I was like, I was ripped.

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Speaker 2: I miss it.

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Speaker 1: My god, how amazing, So which leads very nicely then

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Speaker 1: into what would I can't wait to hear this? What

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Speaker 1: would be your last?

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Speaker 2: It's going to be a little disappointing. I think it

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Speaker 2: always is. My favorite food in the world is just

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Speaker 2: white rice, and I love it with just some sort

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Speaker 2: of like fat.

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Speaker 1: My choice is butter, So like white.

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Speaker 2: Rice with a ton of butter, and then I would

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Speaker 2: put two over easy eggs on that, and I have

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Speaker 2: that most days for breakfast. So I like that my

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Speaker 2: last meal is something that I kind of have every day.

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Speaker 2: Like that's how much I love it.

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Speaker 1: That's very comforting. But I also like that. I like

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Speaker 1: that you have it for breakfast and that's how you

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Speaker 1: would go out, and it was my last meal.

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Speaker 2: Two bottles of wine and a pack of cigarettes one

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Speaker 2: hundred percent Magenta Capri cigarettes. Yeah, two bottles of orange

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Speaker 2: wine and a pack cigarettes one hundred percent.

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Speaker 1: I love the drinking natural wine and smoking a pack

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Speaker 1: of ye way out. Now, have you just developed a

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Speaker 1: real taste for orange wine?

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Speaker 2: Yeah, I'm like that. I'm into that shit. I'm into

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Speaker 2: that world all of a sudden. And I actually got

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Speaker 2: into the world because when I was cheffing, I had

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Speaker 2: this massive budget to spend on wine every day. And

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Speaker 2: athletes they're not drinking a ton of wine. Most of

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Speaker 2: them weren't anyway, like it was more like Don Julio

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Speaker 2: nineteen forty two, Like that was kind of there. But

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Speaker 2: you know, I had all this extra budget for wine,

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Speaker 2: so I would buy the wine anyway and.

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Speaker 1: Then I would drink it, and then I would drink it. Yeah,

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Speaker 1: that's right, I was doing.

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Speaker 2: I'm a hero, Okay, I'm a hero. I would also

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Speaker 2: get like a book about wine, and then I'd be

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Speaker 2: reading a book about wine as I would wait for

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Speaker 2: them to come home and in between lunch and dinner service,

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Speaker 2: and I'm like, try and love it a loine and

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Speaker 2: have it a great time.

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Speaker 1: Is wine you'r thing? Is wine what you love? Yeah,

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Speaker 1: it's a big deal. Yeah yeah, yeah, wine. Wine is

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Speaker 1: a really big deal.

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Speaker 2: I have wine fridges in both my apartments because of that.

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Speaker 1: It's a big deal for me.

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Speaker 2: I'm not taking cocktails off the table though, Like of course,

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Speaker 2: I love a martini as much as the next broad So,

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Speaker 2: like gin is also big for me.

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Speaker 1: I like monkey forty seven gin.

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Speaker 2: You know this?

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Speaker 1: Do I know? That? Chin Chin Chin? For me is

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Speaker 1: just it's just the taste of hopelessness, cleaning supplies. I

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Speaker 1: get that.

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Speaker 2: I do get that. What is your drink? Oh?

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Speaker 1: Tequila on the Rocks. I just love a good episode.

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Speaker 1: But I love beer, Okay, cool girl of beer. I

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Speaker 1: also love cheap beer, no way, man, by the way.

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Speaker 1: That's honestly. It was because you get these weird YenS,

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Speaker 1: like when you get pregnant and stuff, and one of them.

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Speaker 1: I'd never really been a beer drinker before, and then

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Speaker 1: I had this yen that never went away since I

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Speaker 1: had my son, and I just I fucking love them hops.

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Speaker 1: That is great, that's sexy. I love that you're saying

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Speaker 1: that it's sexy and it's cool on Never in a

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Speaker 1: million years though sexy. It's little maintenance. She's like down.

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Speaker 1: I love that. Yeah, cheap beer and expensive tequila. I

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Speaker 1: can't believe you're a chef. There's so much more that

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Speaker 1: I want to ask you about that. Wait, did you

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Speaker 1: just chef for athletes? Was that?

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Speaker 2: Fol It was mostly athletes and then it was some

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Speaker 2: other actors and like people like that as well.

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Speaker 1: But did you stop doing that to do what you're

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Speaker 1: doing now or did you do them in like concurrently?

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Speaker 2: Yeah? I was doing at the end there, I was

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Speaker 2: doing it concurrently and it was so embarrassing. I'd be

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Speaker 2: like in the kitchen making like gaspacho and I would

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Speaker 2: like hear my voice on their phone, like I would

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Speaker 2: come up on their TikTok and I was like, that's

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Speaker 2: not me, that's a look alike. And then I had

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Speaker 2: a job and naturally, and then in that gap between

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Speaker 2: finding a new driver, I was like, what if I

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Speaker 2: just don't find a new job and see what happens

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Speaker 2: with this internet stuff?

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Speaker 1: And then blah and beholt I'm on Mini Drivers podcast. Dude,

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Speaker 1: would to be able to like, it's so impressive to

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Speaker 1: be able to convert what's funny and interesting and that

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Speaker 1: you have a facility for into actually being able to

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Speaker 1: live off. Like that's quite something, Like it really is,

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Speaker 1: Like I think it's such an extraordinary bit of alchemy

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Speaker 1: to ever be able to take your interest that's outside

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Speaker 1: of what you've been previously doing, particularly and make a

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Speaker 1: living out of there. Fuck yeah, it's amazing, just amazing.

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Speaker 1: You do it too, find what you love and get

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Speaker 1: someone to pay you to do it. So what quality

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Speaker 1: do you like? Least about yourself?

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Speaker 2: Easy? I can be so self centered and single minded.

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Speaker 2: I was having a discussion with someone last night who

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Speaker 2: was talking about a very specific experience to them, and

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Speaker 2: I went no, that can't be right, and he goes, no, no, no,

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Speaker 2: Just because you haven't experienced it doesn't mean it's not

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Speaker 2: true for me, And I was like, aha, yes, you're

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Speaker 2: probably right about that. So a lot of that goes

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Speaker 2: on with me, a lot of if I haven't felt it,

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Speaker 2: how could it possibly be going on? And so trying

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Speaker 2: to step outside my own experience is really like what

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Speaker 2: I've been working on in the twilight of my twenties.

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Speaker 1: Here, how do you do that? Do you do that

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Speaker 1: by listening and going I'm just going to let this

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Speaker 1: like talk and I'm not going to comment on what

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Speaker 1: he's saying, even if I don't agree with it, Like

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Speaker 1: how do you practice it?

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Speaker 2: How I practice it is by allowing myself to be

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Speaker 2: incorrect a lot like looking for reasons that evidence in

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Speaker 2: my mind for whatever I'm thinking, like the contrary evidence

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Speaker 2: of that, where I'm like, okay, now look for examples

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Speaker 2: in the world where what you're so sure of is

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Speaker 2: not true and you can always find it.

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Speaker 1: So I try to do that.

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Speaker 2: I try to prove myself wrong a lot because I

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Speaker 2: actually really want to be wrong.

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Speaker 1: It makes me feel hopeful. I love it. You must

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Speaker 1: love getting pulled over by the cops. Well, thank you

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Speaker 1: for setting right. I needed to feel wrong and now

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Speaker 1: I do. Maybe that's my king being wrong sounds like

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Speaker 1: it either way. That's so hilarious. It's like being cool

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Speaker 1: breaking an entering, right, I'm just doing this is like right,

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Speaker 1: this is my I'm trying to better myself. Yeah, this

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Speaker 1: honestly this doesn't live like self improvement. It looks like

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Speaker 1: I'm trying to make your jewelry, but it is self improvement.

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Speaker 2: Right, It's that, And then it also manifests itself and

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Speaker 2: just like this intense like horse blinder focus around something

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Speaker 2: that I'm working on, where it is like everything around

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Speaker 2: me is just like destroyed tables flipped over, like apartment

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Speaker 2: in disarray until I like finish that thing. And I'm

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Speaker 2: using like examples of like physical objects, but same with relationships,

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Speaker 2: like I will let things really go by the wayside,

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Speaker 2: communicating with my family, like romantic things. It's just like

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Speaker 2: jettison that to edit this goddamn video. Like that kind

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Speaker 2: of single mindedness can really be like it's not pleasurable.

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Speaker 2: It feels bad even when I'm doing it, but I

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Speaker 2: can't really help it, so I think it all is

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Speaker 2: wrapped up in a self centeredness that I'm trying to

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Speaker 2: grow out of.

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Speaker 1: You know what, I home, you didn't grow out of

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Speaker 1: all of it. Some therapist, rather brilliantly it said to

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Speaker 1: me once when I was whatever it was I was

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Speaker 1: going through, It was like, you never want to get

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Speaker 1: rid of one hundred percent of your shit. You always

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Speaker 1: need to keep a certain percentage in order to recognize it,

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Speaker 1: in order to know it, and also in order to

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Speaker 1: pay it its dues for having taught you. And I

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Speaker 1: was like, oh my god, I'm supposed to literally tithe

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Speaker 1: to my emotional and psychological shit. And he was like, yeah,

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Speaker 1: pretty much. I think it's really interesting.

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Speaker 2: And I think also those.

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Speaker 1: Women were told there was supposed to iron out every

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Speaker 1: single thing that is somehow difficult or unappealing, when a

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Speaker 1: natural thing what you've just described. Yes, I know that

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Speaker 1: being self centered and single minded. I've been there, of

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Speaker 1: suffering the loss of relationships and family, being mad, But

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Speaker 1: it's also becomes the engine. There's nobody else motivating you.

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Speaker 1: It is part of your engine. It is part of

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Speaker 1: what propels us to create and to make things, and

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Speaker 1: it does require a certain Maybe you'll reframe it won't

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Speaker 1: just be self centeredive, but it will be yeah driven.

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Speaker 1: I mean anyone could see that by looking at the

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Speaker 1: films that you make, the videos that you may thank you,

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Speaker 1: I mean you have to be in order to create

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Speaker 1: that content. I think the best thing about you and

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Speaker 1: the worst thing about you, or.

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Speaker 2: Often like just two sides of the same coin like that. Yeah,

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Speaker 2: so you need it? What's yours? Yeah?

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Speaker 1: What's yours? Everything mine a spiral, a spiral, and I

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Speaker 1: pull everything into the vortex of the small thing that's

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Speaker 1: going wrong is suddenly everything? Is this just in a

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Speaker 1: form of anxiety? Do you?

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Speaker 2: I think?

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Speaker 1: Yeah? Which I never had that word. I really genuinely

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Speaker 1: never had that word. And there was never a bottom

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Speaker 1: to it, so you could never actually hit the bottom

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Speaker 1: and go, oh what was that? It was a kind

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Speaker 1: of I think it's a free fall. And I think

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Speaker 1: also because there wasn't a word for it, and so

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Speaker 1: there wasn't a medication or a therapy or anything. Is

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Speaker 1: it be years of putting that together to go, oh,

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Speaker 1: this is thing I do. I remember introducing this to

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Speaker 1: my boyfriend almost like it was like an elderly aunt

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Speaker 1: who I have custody of, darling this is my spiraling

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Speaker 1: free for She's fragile and she's sweet, but if you

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Speaker 1: just put her on the sofa with a cup of tea,

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Speaker 1: usually she gets it back together and she won't shit

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Speaker 1: the bad. I love that. I love gently explaining your

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Speaker 1: own sort.

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Speaker 2: Of like pathologies to other people, being like, hey, this

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Speaker 2: is what's going on right now. I even have a

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Speaker 2: signal now to the people in my life. I shake

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Speaker 2: my hands like this. If I'm like going into this

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Speaker 2: weird sort of introverted like the hall, I just go.

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Speaker 1: I'll talk to you in three hours. Listen. Communication and

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Speaker 1: the ability to teach people about your language. I think

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Speaker 1: that's really cool to be able to do that. Yeah,

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Speaker 1: it's not easy, all this living now, it's not You've

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Speaker 1: got to find whatever tools you possibly can. Becoming friendly

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Speaker 1: with and having signals I think is all really positive.

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Speaker 1: I love what you do. Jazz hair.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, I don't know. It seems like a way to

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Speaker 2: make people laugh when it's happening. So it's just sort

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Speaker 2: of like.

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Speaker 1: Hey, delady's going into that mode exactly. I might have

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Speaker 1: to steal that. That's really good. That's really great. Where

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Speaker 1: and when were you happiest?

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Speaker 2: Okay, I recently threw a dinner party at my loft

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Speaker 2: in Los Angeles. This moment where I wake up and

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Speaker 2: I know that that evening I'm entertaining, I'm having a

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Speaker 2: bunch of people over. That moment is when I'm the happiest.

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Speaker 2: When I get to look forward to a day of

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Speaker 2: writing a list of groceries with a pen and a

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Speaker 2: piece of paper and taking it to like one of

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Speaker 2: those tiny like gourmet food stores and really nerding out

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Speaker 2: on some weird brand of grain that I didn't know existed,

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Speaker 2: and then and like heirloom blah blah blah blah and

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Speaker 2: broth and all that stuff, and getting really crazy with

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Speaker 2: that and seeing what's in season, and then putting together

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Speaker 2: a menu and like talking to the butcher and the

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Speaker 2: fishmonger and being like, how much do I need to

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Speaker 2: feed sixteen people? And then there's this dialogue that's happening there,

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Speaker 2: and then you feel like you're like, oh my god,

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Speaker 2: I really live in my city. I know my butcher.

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Speaker 1: And then you come home.

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Speaker 2: And it's the stay of repping and creating sauces while

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Speaker 2: all simultaneously watching like a Nancy Meyer's movie at the background.

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Speaker 2: That's my ritual I love to put on a movie

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Speaker 2: and I'm getting ready for a dinner party, and then

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Speaker 2: it's the making the table, setting the table. I did

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Speaker 2: some really crazy things where I would like go to

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Speaker 2: the fabric District in Los Angeles and make my own

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Speaker 2: tablecloth and really get into that kind of thing. And

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Speaker 2: then you're having a glass of wine right before everybody

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Speaker 2: shows up, and everyone comes in and maybe you've invited

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Speaker 2: your crush and that's going to be exciting, and there's

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Speaker 2: so much wine. The night is so full of potential.

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Speaker 2: So a day like that is always when I'm the happiest,

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Speaker 2: and it's imperative that it is in my space. Having

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Speaker 2: people to MySpace like that's just what brings a home warmth.

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Speaker 2: And so I just got this place in New York

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Speaker 2: and it's significantly smaller here, and so I haven't quite

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Speaker 2: been able to do the type of parties they do

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Speaker 2: in Los Angeles, but I'm hoping to bring that here

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Speaker 2: so I feel that same kind of happiness.

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Speaker 1: Wow, God, if I've got sixteen people coming over, I

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Speaker 1: wake up on the morning to be like, oh fucking footballs, yeah, wow,

359
00:18:31,240 --> 00:18:34,119
Speaker 1: so good. How most people find that way? I know,

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Speaker 1: and my sister loves it. You two and you I'm

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Speaker 1: sure are very good at it because you take pleasure

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Speaker 1: in it.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, I think it's a performance or maybe even a manipulation,

364
00:18:44,119 --> 00:18:45,919
Speaker 2: because it's look at how I can show you that

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Speaker 2: my life is put together.

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Speaker 1: Look at all these little tricks I'm showing you.

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Speaker 2: How I shut then oyster in, how I was able

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Speaker 2: to get sixteen bottles of wine.

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Speaker 1: It is a little bit of a manipulation.

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Speaker 2: And I think about that a lot.

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Speaker 1: That's interesting how I'm come instantly, not constantly every now

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Speaker 1: and again, when I'm stop breaking down, Like performance and

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Speaker 1: being an actor, I can never get away from the

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Speaker 1: embarrassing need for approbation and of people's acknowledgement of what

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00:19:13,600 --> 00:19:16,680
Speaker 1: I've done and needing supports the nice way of saying

376
00:19:16,760 --> 00:19:19,160
Speaker 1: it around that, are you aware of kind of your

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00:19:19,160 --> 00:19:21,960
Speaker 1: foibles around the things that you like? You say, that's

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Speaker 1: a tenet of you. Having a dinner party is going.

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Speaker 1: Maybe there's some manipulation in there of wanting people to

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00:19:27,760 --> 00:19:30,119
Speaker 1: be or thinking about it. She got oysters and she

381
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Speaker 1: knew how to shuck it. Yeah. Do you think that's

382
00:19:32,200 --> 00:19:33,680
Speaker 1: part of being an actor or do you think that's

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Speaker 1: just part of your pathology.

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Speaker 2: I definitely think it's part of being a performer of

385
00:19:38,119 --> 00:19:40,760
Speaker 2: any kind. I think that people who have been doing

386
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Speaker 2: it for a really long time and have been able

387
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Speaker 2: to sustain a career as a performer probably are able

388
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Speaker 2: to shed that sooner rather than later, because it's an

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Speaker 2: unsustainable way to go about doing it expecting that sort

390
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Speaker 2: of positive feedback loop.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, I think about sometimes my apartment.

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Speaker 2: It's more of like a set that I've like, really

393
00:20:00,440 --> 00:20:04,399
Speaker 2: thought about the production design of it more than enough apartment. Oh,

394
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Speaker 2: I've got these beautiful gold salt and pepper grinders.

395
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Speaker 1: Do I like these?

396
00:20:09,600 --> 00:20:11,760
Speaker 2: Or do I just want them so that people see

397
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Speaker 2: them and go, Delaney has those?

398
00:20:15,720 --> 00:20:16,639
Speaker 1: And what does that say?

399
00:20:16,680 --> 00:20:19,240
Speaker 2: That she found those or sourced them from an interesting

400
00:20:19,320 --> 00:20:22,160
Speaker 2: vantage website and she must have such a rich internal life?

401
00:20:22,240 --> 00:20:25,119
Speaker 1: What am I always looking for? But that's it. I

402
00:20:25,160 --> 00:20:27,879
Speaker 1: think it's interesting. I've always felt like if one is

403
00:20:27,920 --> 00:20:30,359
Speaker 1: in on the jug of what one is doing, that

404
00:20:30,480 --> 00:20:33,480
Speaker 1: there's an absolution in that. Like it was like, is

405
00:20:33,520 --> 00:20:36,359
Speaker 1: this Delaney wanting the gold pepper and salt things or

406
00:20:36,480 --> 00:20:38,640
Speaker 1: is this actually me wanting to bread? Like I think

407
00:20:38,760 --> 00:20:42,119
Speaker 1: having that self awareness, I think it's observably that way,

408
00:20:42,280 --> 00:20:43,679
Speaker 1: and none of this is much to come across as

409
00:20:43,720 --> 00:20:46,240
Speaker 1: patronizing even if it does. But I am significantly older

410
00:20:46,240 --> 00:20:48,320
Speaker 1: than you. I think it does save you. I think

411
00:20:48,400 --> 00:20:52,040
Speaker 1: self awareness is the thing that actually forks you out

412
00:20:52,040 --> 00:20:55,200
Speaker 1: of more shit in life, actually being able to acknowledge

413
00:20:55,240 --> 00:20:57,159
Speaker 1: it and go, yeah I did that, or yeah I

414
00:20:57,160 --> 00:20:57,600
Speaker 1: did that.

415
00:20:57,680 --> 00:21:00,879
Speaker 2: There's this sort of funny rhetoric on it where it's like,

416
00:21:01,160 --> 00:21:04,840
Speaker 2: if you are even considering whether you're a narcissist or

417
00:21:04,880 --> 00:21:09,000
Speaker 2: googling it, you're probably not a narcissist. And I'm like, okay,

418
00:21:09,040 --> 00:21:10,880
Speaker 2: but come on, there's got to be a loopho hole there.

419
00:21:11,000 --> 00:21:12,520
Speaker 2: That's some narcissists have figured out.

420
00:21:12,920 --> 00:21:17,000
Speaker 1: So I'm still not stop free on that. No convinced, Yeah, no, convinced,

421
00:21:17,000 --> 00:21:17,760
Speaker 1: not entirely.

422
00:21:17,880 --> 00:21:20,280
Speaker 2: Are the really good narcissists in on that too.

423
00:21:20,680 --> 00:21:39,159
Speaker 1: Yeah, exactly. I'm really well prepared. What relationship, real or fictionalized,

424
00:21:39,320 --> 00:21:40,320
Speaker 1: defines love for you.

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00:21:40,960 --> 00:21:46,199
Speaker 2: I was actually watching when Harry met Sali recently, and

426
00:21:46,240 --> 00:21:51,160
Speaker 2: you know how it's interspersed with these introductions to these

427
00:21:51,160 --> 00:21:52,919
Speaker 2: couples who have been together in real life for like

428
00:21:52,960 --> 00:21:55,240
Speaker 2: one hundred and forty seven years. It's like Marty and

429
00:21:55,320 --> 00:21:58,600
Speaker 2: Nancy met in a bread factory and they've been together

430
00:21:58,680 --> 00:22:01,800
Speaker 2: for two hundred years. I I am really fascinated by

431
00:22:02,320 --> 00:22:06,640
Speaker 2: couples who withstand like an insane test of time like that,

432
00:22:07,119 --> 00:22:12,960
Speaker 2: because it's increasingly rare, and I find it very old

433
00:22:13,000 --> 00:22:17,640
Speaker 2: fashioned and very romantic. And as I get older, I

434
00:22:17,680 --> 00:22:20,000
Speaker 2: think I'm realizing, like I might be sort of romantic

435
00:22:20,040 --> 00:22:23,359
Speaker 2: and old fashioned. And so I'm looking around at all

436
00:22:23,440 --> 00:22:26,600
Speaker 2: of these couples around my age, and I don't know,

437
00:22:26,720 --> 00:22:28,680
Speaker 2: I have no idea what to say about what's going

438
00:22:28,720 --> 00:22:31,840
Speaker 2: on with them. I actually think my generation is getting

439
00:22:31,920 --> 00:22:36,040
Speaker 2: a lot wrong when it comes to romantic relationships right now.

440
00:22:36,320 --> 00:22:38,840
Speaker 2: And also I acknowledge this question could have been about

441
00:22:39,040 --> 00:22:42,320
Speaker 2: platonic love. But yeah, I guess what I'm most interested

442
00:22:42,359 --> 00:22:46,720
Speaker 2: in romantic love, Sue me. I think that's the most fun.

443
00:22:47,080 --> 00:22:49,919
Speaker 2: Even looking at couples like in the industry, I like

444
00:22:50,320 --> 00:22:54,000
Speaker 2: Goldie Hawn and Kurt Russell, who have been together since

445
00:22:54,760 --> 00:22:59,480
Speaker 2: what nineteen eighty three, Like, I really want to know

446
00:22:59,520 --> 00:23:01,879
Speaker 2: what's going on they're like, who knows the shit that

447
00:23:01,880 --> 00:23:04,000
Speaker 2: they've been through? Who knows how they make it work?

448
00:23:04,320 --> 00:23:09,640
Speaker 2: But I'm interested in the devotion of staying together beyond

449
00:23:10,000 --> 00:23:13,520
Speaker 2: whatever they've gone through, Like, I really find that fascinating.

450
00:23:13,960 --> 00:23:16,960
Speaker 2: So I don't know. I think I'm hopeful. It makes

451
00:23:17,000 --> 00:23:17,680
Speaker 2: me feel hopeful.

452
00:23:18,040 --> 00:23:23,160
Speaker 1: I love that My aunt was married for sixty two

453
00:23:23,320 --> 00:23:28,040
Speaker 1: years and he died quite recently, and I was asking

454
00:23:28,080 --> 00:23:31,560
Speaker 1: her about her marriage and she said, it's like a centrifuge,

455
00:23:31,600 --> 00:23:35,000
Speaker 1: and you have all of these things that will get

456
00:23:35,080 --> 00:23:38,440
Speaker 1: put into that centrifige. But because there was a ton

457
00:23:38,520 --> 00:23:41,520
Speaker 1: of shit that went down that he did and that

458
00:23:42,160 --> 00:23:44,120
Speaker 1: today we would go, well, I can't believe they didn't

459
00:23:44,119 --> 00:23:47,280
Speaker 1: get divorced or whatever from whatever, all these different things.

460
00:23:47,320 --> 00:23:51,160
Speaker 1: And she said, you sometimes take years where you're processing

461
00:23:51,280 --> 00:23:53,520
Speaker 1: whether or not these things that have come at you

462
00:23:54,359 --> 00:23:58,119
Speaker 1: actually qualify as shutting down this centrifuge. Are they bigger

463
00:23:58,160 --> 00:24:00,639
Speaker 1: than this central thing? And she was like I kept

464
00:24:00,840 --> 00:24:03,879
Speaker 1: not being able to answer yes. I kept going No,

465
00:24:04,160 --> 00:24:09,320
Speaker 1: this affair or this infraction, this argument, this lack of

466
00:24:09,359 --> 00:24:13,000
Speaker 1: moral compunction, this whatever it was, is not greater than

467
00:24:13,280 --> 00:24:18,560
Speaker 1: the profound connection, devotion, and shared life that we have together.

468
00:24:19,440 --> 00:24:21,680
Speaker 1: And I was like, but why are you just boiling

469
00:24:21,760 --> 00:24:24,080
Speaker 1: with fucking rage? And she was like, of course I was.

470
00:24:24,400 --> 00:24:26,679
Speaker 1: Then there were years where I would boil, and I

471
00:24:26,720 --> 00:24:28,320
Speaker 1: was like, what would you do? And she was like,

472
00:24:28,359 --> 00:24:30,080
Speaker 1: don't you remember when I used to come and stay

473
00:24:30,080 --> 00:24:33,040
Speaker 1: with you for extended periods of time? And I was like,

474
00:24:33,320 --> 00:24:35,080
Speaker 1: I thought, it's just because you liked us, and she

475
00:24:35,160 --> 00:24:38,120
Speaker 1: was like, don't be ridiculous, right, you know that's special.

476
00:24:38,280 --> 00:24:40,639
Speaker 1: So maybe it is that it's like going, is this

477
00:24:40,720 --> 00:24:43,520
Speaker 1: more important? Then? But you've got to have that solid

478
00:24:43,560 --> 00:24:46,399
Speaker 1: devotion to that kind of initial that love. Yeah, have

479
00:24:46,480 --> 00:24:51,440
Speaker 1: you been in love? I have a couple times. Did

480
00:24:51,440 --> 00:24:52,359
Speaker 1: you like it?

481
00:24:52,760 --> 00:24:56,720
Speaker 2: Of course, love makes everything better, and it makes when

482
00:24:56,760 --> 00:25:01,000
Speaker 2: something is networking in your life, it makes that all

483
00:25:01,560 --> 00:25:04,560
Speaker 2: the sweeter because you go, it's okay, I'm in love.

484
00:25:05,000 --> 00:25:06,480
Speaker 2: I don't have to work out with it. I'm in love.

485
00:25:06,720 --> 00:25:09,040
Speaker 1: I just paid X amount of taxes. I'm fine, I'm

486
00:25:09,040 --> 00:25:09,320
Speaker 1: in love.

487
00:25:09,400 --> 00:25:12,159
Speaker 2: That's what I like about love. It really does make

488
00:25:12,200 --> 00:25:15,040
Speaker 2: everything better. And I find that, like when I'm in love,

489
00:25:15,240 --> 00:25:23,080
Speaker 2: I am healthyest physically healthy, Like my like disposition changes

490
00:25:23,119 --> 00:25:26,560
Speaker 2: when I'm in love, Like my hair looks better, you know.

491
00:25:26,840 --> 00:25:30,400
Speaker 2: And these are all probably results of the hormonal in

492
00:25:30,400 --> 00:25:32,840
Speaker 2: flux coursing through your system, of course, with.

493
00:25:32,760 --> 00:25:37,680
Speaker 1: What comes with love. But yeah, totally that's really nice.

494
00:25:37,720 --> 00:25:40,480
Speaker 1: That's really nice to acknowledge that I don't know that

495
00:25:40,480 --> 00:25:42,320
Speaker 1: I really liked being in love that much. Are you

496
00:25:42,320 --> 00:25:44,240
Speaker 1: in love at the moment? Well, oh yes, there I go,

497
00:25:44,480 --> 00:25:46,959
Speaker 1: Oh yes, I But I have to say it is

498
00:25:47,080 --> 00:25:51,480
Speaker 1: an evolved version of the love that I felt at

499
00:25:51,520 --> 00:25:54,959
Speaker 1: twenty six is different from the love that I feel.

500
00:25:55,280 --> 00:25:58,879
Speaker 1: I love them both, but this one feels like it

501
00:25:58,920 --> 00:26:03,800
Speaker 1: could manage a tornado, and it could in it will.

502
00:26:04,080 --> 00:26:06,760
Speaker 1: It is sustainable. And that's not to say that it

503
00:26:06,880 --> 00:26:13,280
Speaker 1: is not interesting, varied, charismatic, sexy and all those other things.

504
00:26:13,359 --> 00:26:15,840
Speaker 1: It's just I think it's probably just that we are

505
00:26:15,880 --> 00:26:18,280
Speaker 1: different in these different seasons of our life. But it's

506
00:26:18,359 --> 00:26:20,399
Speaker 1: very different. It's a very different kind of it's a

507
00:26:20,480 --> 00:26:21,520
Speaker 1: very different kind of love.

508
00:26:21,880 --> 00:26:27,120
Speaker 2: What would you say to the mid to late twenties

509
00:26:27,359 --> 00:26:30,280
Speaker 2: MANI who is either in love or falling in love?

510
00:26:30,359 --> 00:26:32,879
Speaker 1: What's that love advice that you're going to give now?

511
00:26:33,200 --> 00:26:37,720
Speaker 1: It genuinely would say, just please just put a moratorium

512
00:26:37,800 --> 00:26:41,040
Speaker 1: on dating actors. Just don't do it. Just don't do it.

513
00:26:41,080 --> 00:26:43,640
Speaker 1: Just if I'm going to do one thing, I'm not

514
00:26:43,680 --> 00:26:47,960
Speaker 1: going to do this, because there isn't with all the

515
00:26:48,000 --> 00:26:50,760
Speaker 1: love in the world, and God knows, I love actors.

516
00:26:50,840 --> 00:26:54,680
Speaker 1: I love them, fascinated by them. I think they're sexy

517
00:26:54,720 --> 00:26:56,560
Speaker 1: and cool and great, and they do what I do,

518
00:26:56,600 --> 00:26:58,399
Speaker 1: and they love what I love, and I love watching

519
00:26:58,400 --> 00:27:01,720
Speaker 1: how they do it. Or there is room, but it's

520
00:27:01,800 --> 00:27:05,880
Speaker 1: not room for two of these sensibilities. Something has to give,

521
00:27:06,040 --> 00:27:08,320
Speaker 1: someone has to give it up, someone just has to do.

522
00:27:08,480 --> 00:27:09,639
Speaker 1: I do agree with that.

523
00:27:09,840 --> 00:27:14,000
Speaker 2: I've constructed a theory in the last few months, which

524
00:27:14,040 --> 00:27:19,080
Speaker 2: is that within every great romantic relationship, there is the ham,

525
00:27:19,200 --> 00:27:22,160
Speaker 2: and then there's the straight man. And this reference doesn't

526
00:27:22,160 --> 00:27:24,320
Speaker 2: work because'm actually about to reference to actors, but it's like,

527
00:27:24,320 --> 00:27:26,240
Speaker 2: there's got to be the Charlie Day and then there's

528
00:27:26,280 --> 00:27:30,320
Speaker 2: the Jason Bateman, meaning like Charlie's the hair, and then

529
00:27:30,359 --> 00:27:31,720
Speaker 2: we've got a straight man over here. So it's like,

530
00:27:32,160 --> 00:27:35,159
Speaker 2: I've noticed that whenever I have a relationship that's really working,

531
00:27:35,400 --> 00:27:37,200
Speaker 2: it's because they've allowed me to be the ham. I

532
00:27:37,280 --> 00:27:38,120
Speaker 2: always have to be the hand.

533
00:27:38,160 --> 00:27:40,200
Speaker 1: By the way, Can I tell you that is what

534
00:27:40,200 --> 00:27:45,520
Speaker 1: Addison has in all of his like capacious intellectual amazingness,

535
00:27:45,640 --> 00:27:47,520
Speaker 1: what he has done for me is just to let

536
00:27:47,520 --> 00:27:51,200
Speaker 1: me be the ham, not be angry with me for it.

537
00:27:51,600 --> 00:27:54,760
Speaker 1: Not put poke fun at me, not feel threatened, not

538
00:27:54,880 --> 00:27:57,679
Speaker 1: be jealous, not be jealous. I need to shut it down.

539
00:27:58,080 --> 00:28:01,359
Speaker 1: So maybe to throw that blanket thing over. Well, just

540
00:28:01,440 --> 00:28:03,600
Speaker 1: no actors, But I really do think as a general

541
00:28:03,640 --> 00:28:08,040
Speaker 1: rule of thumb, the actors are better off with civilians. Yeah.

542
00:28:08,119 --> 00:28:11,200
Speaker 2: I've done it both, so I'll let you know how

543
00:28:11,200 --> 00:28:11,760
Speaker 2: it goes.

544
00:28:12,440 --> 00:28:13,560
Speaker 1: You know, it's all up in the air and now.

545
00:28:13,560 --> 00:28:18,399
Speaker 2: But no, I'd love to date like a dentist. That

546
00:28:18,560 --> 00:28:22,320
Speaker 2: sounds great. Dentists start really on RAYA is the problem?

547
00:28:22,600 --> 00:28:23,600
Speaker 1: Have you ever been on Riya?

548
00:28:23,760 --> 00:28:24,040
Speaker 2: Really?

549
00:28:25,200 --> 00:28:27,360
Speaker 1: I yet? No, I have not been on Rare. I've

550
00:28:27,359 --> 00:28:29,600
Speaker 1: swiped through with a friend of mine, and the world

551
00:28:29,680 --> 00:28:32,560
Speaker 1: of online dating that is quite something. Oh yeah, is

552
00:28:32,600 --> 00:28:33,639
Speaker 1: that way you meet people?

553
00:28:33,840 --> 00:28:40,840
Speaker 2: No, I meet people at work events and they're usually actors, writers, directors, comedians.

554
00:28:41,280 --> 00:28:42,920
Speaker 1: I've got a hot dentist.

555
00:28:43,320 --> 00:28:44,080
Speaker 2: I'm really to it.

556
00:28:44,280 --> 00:28:47,440
Speaker 1: Yeah, okay, I'm not even kidding. Then where does he live.

557
00:28:47,600 --> 00:28:50,840
Speaker 1: He's like in Hudson. Oh that's not too far. Okay,

558
00:28:50,880 --> 00:28:54,320
Speaker 1: I'm in Chinatown. I'm definitely texting him after we we

559
00:28:54,400 --> 00:28:59,560
Speaker 1: hang out. Okay, how old are we talking? He's thirty four. Oh,

560
00:28:59,560 --> 00:29:04,760
Speaker 1: that's per effect. I know that's where dentist. I was like,

561
00:29:05,240 --> 00:29:10,160
Speaker 1: hold please, she looks like me. You're gonna be so happy. Okay,

562
00:29:10,400 --> 00:29:15,880
Speaker 1: this is so funny. Mini Questions is hosted and written

563
00:29:15,960 --> 00:29:20,680
Speaker 1: by me Mini Driver, Executive produced by Me and Aaron Kaufman,

564
00:29:21,120 --> 00:29:25,719
Speaker 1: with production support from Jennifer Bassett, Zoey Dentler and Ali Perry.

565
00:29:26,240 --> 00:29:28,520
Speaker 3: The theme music is also by me.

566
00:29:29,000 --> 00:29:33,240
Speaker 1: An Additional music by Aaron Kaufman. Special thanks to Jim

567
00:29:33,320 --> 00:29:39,280
Speaker 1: Nikolay Addison, O'Day, Henry Driver, Lisa Castella, Anick oppenheim, A,

568
00:29:39,360 --> 00:29:43,440
Speaker 1: Nick Muller and Annette Wolfe at w kp R, Will Pearson,

569
00:29:43,960 --> 00:29:48,280
Speaker 1: Nicki Etoor, Morgan Levoy and Mangesh had ticke Adore