Speaker 1: Are you ready for another fantastic episode? Or what I
Speaker 1: am you right now? I'm ready? You know how we
Speaker 1: say it, Let's connect, let's grow, let's go, let's red table.
Speaker 1: That's red table. That Hey y'all, Hey, what's up? And
Speaker 1: welcome to Let's Red Table back. I'm Tracy T. Brow
Speaker 1: and I'm Cora Presley, and we are talking about scams
Speaker 1: again today, but this time. This time we have a
Speaker 1: guest coming on who lost thirty dollars sure, supposed boyfriend okay,
Speaker 1: and to help get some context around what happened and
Speaker 1: to inform all of us how to not fall prey
Speaker 1: to scams such as this. We also have a private
Speaker 1: investigative joining us who specializes in making sure the people
Speaker 1: you meet online are who they say they are. Let's
Speaker 1: get started, man, Listen, listen, Tracy, have you been skimming before?
Speaker 1: I guess that says it all. Well, you know, the
Speaker 1: scams are in a spectrum too, right, There's a divide
Speaker 1: between scam versus identity their first fraud, online fraud or
Speaker 1: just or just a fool. Because I've been a food
Speaker 1: several times. I was a fool and being scamming, scammed
Speaker 1: off at the same time, it was just the same. Yeah,
Speaker 1: and it wasn't even it was like, it wasn't even financial,
Speaker 1: So let me talk about that. I just realized I
Speaker 1: was a pun in a situation with the X. I
Speaker 1: was the girlfriend. I had believed at the time I
Speaker 1: was a girlfriend, And evidently they had several other girlfriends
Speaker 1: and they had to go to court, and they had
Speaker 1: told their other girlfriends that I was paying for the lawyer.
Speaker 1: Oh my gosh, it was actually a quarter point of lawyers.
Speaker 1: And I was like, what's happening here? So just being
Speaker 1: a part or in the mix of that. Wait, wait, wait,
Speaker 1: the other girlfriends thought you were paying They gave money
Speaker 1: to pay you to pay the No, no, no, never
Speaker 1: an exchange of funds, nothing like that. It was just
Speaker 1: when things started to unravel as this person was incarcerated,
Speaker 1: it was, yeah, we know you're paying for the quarter
Speaker 1: pointed lawyer. I'm actually the girlfriend. You actually not the girlfriend.
Speaker 1: I'm actually the girlfriend. And he definitely has a quarter
Speaker 1: pointed lawyer that is absolutely free. So I don't know
Speaker 1: what part of court acquainted. People believe what they want
Speaker 1: to believe, and we were all fools for this one individual.
Speaker 1: So that was scam moment you. I just want you
Speaker 1: to know you're not alone and getting scamming scammed. The
Speaker 1: appreciate a lot of stuff going on Red Table Talk.
Speaker 1: They had the inventing Anna right, had the tender Swindler.
Speaker 1: Now we have a lovely daughter and father. It's been
Speaker 1: scammed in this episode. It's a lot. People are going
Speaker 1: through a lot nowadays. I just I think because we
Speaker 1: all are on the side of giving people the benefit
Speaker 1: of the doubt. We talked about that benefit what people
Speaker 1: are saying, because why would you lie? But we know
Speaker 1: what they would lie now we know because they are liars.
Speaker 1: That's the part right there. Thank you, Tracy. That's exactly
Speaker 1: what they are. No, it's the truth as plain as
Speaker 1: you can say. Yes. And I can't tell you how
Speaker 1: many times you have this. I bet my mom regularly
Speaker 1: calls me and says, Tracy, I need to go. I
Speaker 1: got this email and I need to fill this out
Speaker 1: and I need to pay. And I'm like, Mom, you don't, Oh,
Speaker 1: these people, you don't know, these people, you have no
Speaker 1: account with these people. Cut it out? Are sure? She
Speaker 1: wants to be sure. That's one of the other groups
Speaker 1: of people that are so taken advantage of the scamps
Speaker 1: on a regular basis, senior citizens. My mom is the same.
Speaker 1: She wants to do right. She if she has a bill,
Speaker 1: we're gonna go and knock it out. We don't want
Speaker 1: anything on our credit or think that goes back to
Speaker 1: trauma of just life and trying to raise that credit
Speaker 1: score depending on where you are in life. You don't
Speaker 1: want it to fall for anything. So of course they
Speaker 1: want to handle it asap and people know that. So
Speaker 1: we've had an opportunity to top. But you know, we
Speaker 1: absolutely love being able to hear from our community. Car right,
Speaker 1: So we asked our community, how do you keep yourself
Speaker 1: safe from scams? And here are some of your answers.
Speaker 1: Tristan Scott, who is from my Red Table Talk RBA community.
Speaker 1: She says, don't log in or click on the thing. Listen, trysted,
Speaker 1: We are with you. Tryst And Scott's like, just don't
Speaker 1: touch anything, okay, don't do it. Don't in, don't touch anything,
Speaker 1: don't click anything. Just keep yourself and sanitize your hands,
Speaker 1: right right, I understand, And you're bond, Romy said, don't
Speaker 1: click on any link. This is the thing. You're bond.
Speaker 1: We agree, it's hard if you click on links, that's
Speaker 1: now unsubscribe, getting put into a whole, another land, a
Speaker 1: whole in other world. Diane Feeling Cook said, I refused
Speaker 1: to give in to pressure. When people call me asking
Speaker 1: for money, I'm want you. Diane's good, it's a note
Speaker 1: for me. That's good because that's one of the tactics,
Speaker 1: right to use pressure. That was the whole I R
Speaker 1: scam was like, you have to pay and you need
Speaker 1: to use a card. That's like you go to the
Speaker 1: place they did that. There's a scam here locally where
Speaker 1: they were using our utility company, and really, okay, you
Speaker 1: had to pay or your utilities gonna be cut off.
Speaker 1: And to pay with a card, like you have to
Speaker 1: go to a certain store and get a certain cards
Speaker 1: five And it's exactly like what that is so pitiful, right,
Speaker 1: And someone like me just say, y'all just have to
Speaker 1: cut it off. I want to see it. That's where
Speaker 1: I met with go ahead and do it, Go ahead
Speaker 1: and do it. Our community, Come on, our community is amazing.
Speaker 1: They're not clicking on links or anything. You guys are
Speaker 1: keeping yourselves safe, and we appreciate that. Before we take
Speaker 1: a quick break, we want to remind you that you
Speaker 1: can leave us a review on our Heart Radio and
Speaker 1: Apple podcast, which helps us know you're listening and gives
Speaker 1: us more visibility so other listeners can find us. Now,
Speaker 1: time for a break before we welcome our guests. We're
Speaker 1: bringing to fellow RTT community members to the Virtual Red Table.
Speaker 1: Samantha Cooper is a private investigator in London and the
Speaker 1: founder of Rogue Daters. I Love That, a company that
Speaker 1: specializes in investigating people on dating sites for clients who
Speaker 1: want to make sure they're meeting potential love interests, not catfishers.
Speaker 1: She started this company after her divorce led her to
Speaker 1: try outdating sites and she did not like what she
Speaker 1: was saying. Whoa, We are so ready, I mean really
Speaker 1: ready to hear your stories and all the red flag
Speaker 1: acts you've seen that we should be looking out for.
Speaker 1: Thanks for joining us, un let's you're at table that Samantha,
Speaker 1: Thank you for having me. Yes, now we're calling you, Samantha.
Speaker 1: We're calling you Sam. All that mind you can go
Speaker 1: with sign because Sam Sam the investigator just sounds good.
Speaker 1: I love that. I love it. And we have doctor
Speaker 1: Zakia Robins McNeil. She's joining us from Minnesota, to share
Speaker 1: her story of being scammed out of thirty thou dollars
Speaker 1: by her boyfriend at the time. Hey, dr Z, I
Speaker 1: know you see I can call you that right listen.
Speaker 1: She thought she was building a relationship with the man
Speaker 1: she loved, but after three years, she discovered she wasn't
Speaker 1: the only woman he was dating or using for money.
Speaker 1: Doctor Z has not shared the story publicly or with
Speaker 1: any people in her life, so we are grateful that
Speaker 1: she is with us today to hopefully help others avoid
Speaker 1: this type of situation. Thank you again for joining us,
Speaker 1: doctor Z. Thank you for having me. Doctor is a kid.
Speaker 1: We want to beat that man up. Listen. We do
Speaker 1: like stopped going it already. This is part of the
Speaker 1: show where we reveal which moments made us pause, rewind,
Speaker 1: and listen again. I love this. It's the wait what
Speaker 1: wait what when Nikki and her dad Melvin, revealed they
Speaker 1: had lost wait for this, two hundred eighty thousand dollars
Speaker 1: each to a cryptocurrency scam. I met this person in
Speaker 1: early November and we lost everything by the end of December. Well,
Speaker 1: how much had you invested? By that? We invest in
Speaker 1: all the house money that we had two thousand. Yeah,
Speaker 1: it was everything we had. Okay, that was Wait what
Speaker 1: it was heart stopping clutching the pearls? Wait what for me?
Speaker 1: That's a life savings? Yeah? How did you ladies feel
Speaker 1: about that when you saw it? In the episode that
Speaker 1: was that was Wait one minute? Right? Will you see
Speaker 1: me leaning back? Right? Lean with it? They could be triggering, right,
Speaker 1: Watching that episode was very triggering, triggering. Unfortunately, I've seen
Speaker 1: other cases that are similar to this and it still
Speaker 1: shocks me to my core today. So two dollars is
Speaker 1: just somebody's future. It's terrible, right, that's key somebody's future.
Speaker 1: But it also affects their confidence of their own judgment
Speaker 1: because they can't believe that somebody would do that to them,
Speaker 1: and they start to question every decision that they've made
Speaker 1: that's led up to the parting with the money? Right?
Speaker 1: What about Also when Jada shared that she almost got
Speaker 1: scammed because her friend's email got hecked. It people's emails
Speaker 1: would get hacked, So you're thinking you're getting it from
Speaker 1: someone that you know. I just got one of those
Speaker 1: prominent friend of mine. They said they couldn't get to money.
Speaker 1: Could I go and get this money? I called her assistant,
Speaker 1: and of course they were like her email had been hacked,
Speaker 1: so at least there was an assistant involved. But have
Speaker 1: you guys ever received a weird email from a friend
Speaker 1: or those messages on social media? I've seen him on
Speaker 1: Instagram right right, Facebook, Instagram right like wait, wait a minute,
Speaker 1: it don't even say I'm like you exactly, and I
Speaker 1: love like hello dear or my queen. I think my
Speaker 1: queen okay? And who called queen exactly exactly. I got
Speaker 1: added on Twitter by Liam Neathan, the actor, who had
Speaker 1: nine people that he was following, and I was one
Speaker 1: of them. And then we had the old that's its
Speaker 1: need to message me to ask if I liked his movies,
Speaker 1: and I thought, gosh, he obviously doesn't know, so I
Speaker 1: did reply and saying I'm a romance fraud investigator. I
Speaker 1: didn't hear anything back, but I did block him and
Speaker 1: report him and the profile has been taken down. But
Speaker 1: it's just a sheer audacity of it. But it's the
Speaker 1: idea then for you to believe, like all the billions
Speaker 1: of people in the world, Liam Neeson picked me, I'm
Speaker 1: a hopeless romantic too, and give me like that, you know,
Speaker 1: the Chad though they're going to jack exactly. But if
Speaker 1: they follow hundreds of people and then thousands of people,
Speaker 1: I know they won't have a blue tick because they
Speaker 1: won't get verified. But other people could miss that and
Speaker 1: think they're actually really popular, and yeah, maybe this is
Speaker 1: some kind of side account that's been made. So yeah,
Speaker 1: they need to be stopped very early on. I think
Speaker 1: I'm going to start telling people I'm a fraud investigators
Speaker 1: just to get them off my back. You want leave
Speaker 1: me alone. My name is Sam, and I investigate fraud
Speaker 1: trying to scam me? Hilarious, That's exactly what's gonna happen.
Speaker 1: One of the other weight what moments that we had
Speaker 1: was when Evil the Last Quest, The CEO of Identity
Speaker 1: Theft Resource Center shared the while in twenty twenty people
Speaker 1: lost up for about a hundred and twenty million dollars
Speaker 1: to crypto scams, in one losses skyrocketed to seven hundred
Speaker 1: fifty million dollars. Now when we look at cryptocurrency as
Speaker 1: a fraud payment tool, in the losses were about a
Speaker 1: hundred and twenty four million that were reported to the
Speaker 1: Federal Trade Commission. Hold on, if that blows your mind.
Speaker 1: Seven hundred and fifty million. That's so crazy, But it
Speaker 1: also makes sense to me because as you think about
Speaker 1: part of the pandemic, people were at home. They were
Speaker 1: looking for I hate to say this, but looking for
Speaker 1: love and all the wrong places, you know that song
Speaker 1: and its lonely and maybe wanting to believe something that
Speaker 1: wasn't true because they were socially deprived. What do y'all think? Yeah,
Speaker 1: looking for quick money? How can I my money? How
Speaker 1: can I my money? I see other people doing good,
Speaker 1: they're flipping their money, and we just have more time
Speaker 1: to scroll. So I think that the scrolling time increased. Therefore,
Speaker 1: the which is scrolling past increase, the whole time increased.
Speaker 1: The scam time increased, that definitely. And I also think
Speaker 1: that people at an older age are using smartphones that
Speaker 1: maybe they hadn't used before. And I don't think they
Speaker 1: realize that when you're online, you're letting people into your home,
Speaker 1: into your safe space. You wouldn't naturally let through your
Speaker 1: front door. Right, that's so true. That's such a old
Speaker 1: number though, from a hundred million to seven hundred fifty
Speaker 1: million in one year, that's a way to figure that.
Speaker 1: Heckel Jackal and hide. I think you need to remember
Speaker 1: those are reported figures. It will be way higher that
Speaker 1: part that yes, Sam reported right right the other way, what,
Speaker 1: of course, is not just the money but their actual face.
Speaker 1: Even Christian King's whole story of having his photos stolen
Speaker 1: and used on countless social media accounts and dating sites
Speaker 1: and then him being contacted by the victims, bless their hearts,
Speaker 1: who were madly in love. Right. I just started getting
Speaker 1: messages on my social media. People will reach out to
Speaker 1: me and be like, hey, did you know that your
Speaker 1: images are being used? And I started getting hundreds of
Speaker 1: messages a day. I've had women reach out to me
Speaker 1: and tell me that they sent tens of thousands of
Speaker 1: dollars with promises that I'm going to come home to them,
Speaker 1: meet their family, and we're gonna started life together. Can
Speaker 1: you imagine this happening to you? I personally can't because
Speaker 1: it's like, what what do you do with that? What
Speaker 1: did I say to you? That was my first question.
Speaker 1: What was I saying? Because it's oh, that is hilarious,
Speaker 1: car What What did the pseudoman say? What did I say?
Speaker 1: That's very very good question. But could you imagine you're
Speaker 1: walking down the Street, and you've got these people coming
Speaker 1: up to saying, why didn't you call me back, Why
Speaker 1: didn't you message me? You owe me money or to
Speaker 1: your partner or something. You've seen him with another girl
Speaker 1: like you spout like, lady, I don't know you, what's happening? Yes, ridiculous, ridiculous.
Speaker 1: I felt for Tristan King because that's just horrifying. But
Speaker 1: that's one of the challenges of being good looking. Bless
Speaker 1: their hearts. People used you use your picture and images
Speaker 1: and likenesses for catfishing, right. I'm sure it's flattering, but
Speaker 1: it must be very, very annoying. So on a serious note,
Speaker 1: have you ever googled pictures of yourself to see that
Speaker 1: these are little pictures that you've put up? Yes, I have,
Speaker 1: because I found when I was scammed Forever Go, when
Speaker 1: my identity was stolen Forever and Go in the nineties,
Speaker 1: I looked up Tracy Road to see just how many
Speaker 1: there were, if there were any others, because I thought
Speaker 1: I was one of one, And turns out I was
Speaker 1: one of five hundred and forty one, and so there
Speaker 1: were a lots. There are lots and lots of pictures
Speaker 1: of Tracy Row. So I made sure that my middle
Speaker 1: initial was included to differentiate me, just ever so slightly
Speaker 1: so that it makes a little bit of a difference.
Speaker 1: I never thought about that. How about there was another
Speaker 1: as a kid, Robbins in Philadelphia, and she went to
Speaker 1: two of my same doctors, see same same doctor. And
Speaker 1: we found out when I got a call for an appointment,
Speaker 1: and I'm like, but I didn't make an appointment. It
Speaker 1: was like literally a gastrol intrologist, like so random, so
Speaker 1: like random, but I we went to the same gastrol
Speaker 1: intrologists and they put my name in for her appointment.
Speaker 1: But we were both your rob. I wasn't then either.
Speaker 1: I wasn't then either, and I didn't have the hyphenated name.
Speaker 1: But literally, there's another that Kida Robbins in phil who
Speaker 1: would ever guess that part spelled the same way too? Say,
Speaker 1: I was just about to ask you, what's it the
Speaker 1: same spelling And the poor doctor's office was probably mortified
Speaker 1: when they realized they met that mistake. So we've alluded
Speaker 1: to your scam story, doctor Z, but now we just
Speaker 1: want to hear from you. How did your relationship with
Speaker 1: this person begin and how did you realize that you
Speaker 1: were being scammed. Take a deep breath if you need to.
Speaker 1: Oh no, I'm good because when you're no longer bothered
Speaker 1: by it, you don't have a reaction. I'm actually okay.
Speaker 1: I mean this was like twenty years ago ago, So
Speaker 1: it started. I actually was interested in him, and I
Speaker 1: had another friend of was like, oh, look you remember
Speaker 1: him from back in the day. I'm interested in don't
Speaker 1: you know. He'd be tall, handsul, looked like he got
Speaker 1: it going on. Look like he got it going on right.
Speaker 1: So start to end it was three years. You know
Speaker 1: how like people start having issues and sob stories. Now
Speaker 1: I will say again not to throw the person totally
Speaker 1: under the bus. I don't know if it was intended
Speaker 1: to be the way that it did or it could
Speaker 1: have been. And I'm just like aloof to it. It
Speaker 1: would start with like little sob stories. And when you
Speaker 1: are a giver and a fixer, there are some people
Speaker 1: that like prey on that. Absolutely right, love bombing occurred.
Speaker 1: So you're just like this person loves me. Oh he
Speaker 1: needs a cell phone, Oh okay, Oh he needs clothes.
Speaker 1: Oh oh, you're trying to go and see your kids
Speaker 1: in another state and you don't have the money. It's
Speaker 1: like right, right, right, And it's like you got me
Speaker 1: around the family, you have me around your friends. We're
Speaker 1: together all the time. I want to be supportive. So
Speaker 1: it's just like I am that supportive check. Like the
Speaker 1: thing is, if you are down, I'm not going to
Speaker 1: leave you down. But you do have to pay attention
Speaker 1: when one person's hands is always in their pockets and
Speaker 1: you the one with your hands always given wow. So
Speaker 1: it started with sob stories and it just escalated, escalated
Speaker 1: to a cell phone bill. Now you got a cell
Speaker 1: phone on my playing, and it's like, Okay, when you
Speaker 1: have the money, you pay it. When not, it's like
Speaker 1: it's gonna get paid because that's on. I'm gonna keep
Speaker 1: my phone on. And then it would be oh, like right,
Speaker 1: you need a ride to work? Cool, because I want
Speaker 1: to make sure you get the work. I had a
Speaker 1: flexible schedule. Get The word was just like, you know what,
Speaker 1: whatever it is you need, I got you because that
Speaker 1: is what a loyal person does. You know you're in
Speaker 1: the relationship, You're gonna make sure that you make is okay.
Speaker 1: You're going to make sure that those barriers are removed.
Speaker 1: Got it. I'm tracking with you right now, but I
Speaker 1: have to know, as a woman of color, doctor Z,
Speaker 1: I know, were you telling your friends this stuff? And
Speaker 1: they were like, girl, not at all, not understand because
Speaker 1: you could you don't want to, but you also just
Speaker 1: don't want to hold the stuff against them, right because
Speaker 1: then you don't want nobody looking at him like, okay,
Speaker 1: So you weren't telling even though you were okay, you
Speaker 1: kept all these different things to yourself. Okay. I think
Speaker 1: people don't want to share it because although they're seeing it,
Speaker 1: they don't want to believe it. Yeah, So, Sam, what
Speaker 1: stood out to you when you're hearing doctor Z tell
Speaker 1: her story? What were the red flags? The first bit
Speaker 1: where she said the little sub stories. And I'm a
Speaker 1: great believer that someone will give you a test and
Speaker 1: they will see how much you will take. So it
Speaker 1: might be a little thing of can you just lay
Speaker 1: out ten dollars to see if you will do it?
Speaker 1: It just starts off in those little things to see
Speaker 1: if they com mold you into what they want. And
Speaker 1: definitely the love bombing where they make you feel that
Speaker 1: you need them and that you're reliant on them. And
Speaker 1: I really think that the common denominator on all victims
Speaker 1: of romance fraud is that they pick people that are
Speaker 1: kind and caring. They will test very early on, so
Speaker 1: as the key of saying, there's small things, and then
Speaker 1: gradually they just get bigger and bigger. Happily went from
Speaker 1: little little it a little little too big. When did
Speaker 1: you see it with Clara? I want to say, really
Speaker 1: when the person was incarcerated. They ended up being incarcerated,
Speaker 1: and then I started finding out that they were telling
Speaker 1: other women the same exact story and then getting other
Speaker 1: things from them other women. Wait, right, right, look right,
Speaker 1: you had that Wait what I can't even lean back
Speaker 1: in my chair because I don't want my chair to
Speaker 1: squeak and messed up this recording. I can't even lean back.
Speaker 1: And it was like, oh, like it took a minute.
Speaker 1: It took a minute because I won't even say that
Speaker 1: friends and family were probably in on it as well,
Speaker 1: because it was just like you're hiding other things. But
Speaker 1: then you can't hide things, but for so long you can't.
Speaker 1: God through the universe or whatever showed me what I
Speaker 1: needed to see when I saw it, and this was
Speaker 1: almost three years in, this was yea, And it took
Speaker 1: him literally being incarcerated, and that was when the jig
Speaker 1: started to be upright. Wow, I am absolutely that's and
Speaker 1: I want to dig all the way into this because
Speaker 1: there's so many people that are going to be gifted
Speaker 1: by your experience of sharing the truth of this, because
Speaker 1: someone is in the midst of this right now and
Speaker 1: they may not want to accept the reality of it.
Speaker 1: They may be in denial about what's happening with them.
Speaker 1: But that is amazing. Sam, you're listening to this, What
Speaker 1: are you saying to yourself as a professional? Okay? I
Speaker 1: think one thing that people don't realize as well is
Speaker 1: obviously it's happening to both men and women, and people
Speaker 1: think it's normally men that are the scammers, but people
Speaker 1: don't stop and think it's actually probably a group of
Speaker 1: people and they're all taking on this one identity and
Speaker 1: initially they will kind of cast their net really wide
Speaker 1: to catch people. Especially with the ones that don't meet.
Speaker 1: It's different if you've met them. That's just it's wrong,
Speaker 1: isn't it to actually meet somebody and build a life
Speaker 1: with them. But I'm seeing an increase in that as well.
Speaker 1: But certainly for the ones that meet online and they
Speaker 1: don't talk, they don't video chat. This is why I
Speaker 1: created road datas because a crime hasn't been committed at
Speaker 1: this stage yet. They need somewhere to turn to to findancers.
Speaker 1: Otherwise you're just going to fall down that rabbit hole.
Speaker 1: And it's it's just terrible. It's a slippery slope, right,
Speaker 1: it is because you're emotionally invested. We would let our
Speaker 1: heart rule our head rather than the other way. But
Speaker 1: the key would you saying to see him as manipulation
Speaker 1: is nanachrome. It's only when other airsets get involved, but
Speaker 1: a manipulation of feelings. It's grooming, it's greening leading grooming, right,
Speaker 1: all those things didn't It's so interesting to me because
Speaker 1: if you think about it, the new language that we
Speaker 1: have scammers, it's been going on forever, right, has social
Speaker 1: media added to the ease of it, because like you said, saying,
Speaker 1: you don't even have to see anybody, you don't have
Speaker 1: to even meet these people face to face, and they're
Speaker 1: still getting scammed. And it's even with the games that
Speaker 1: you can play online. If it's got a chat facility,
Speaker 1: that you can connect with somebody on the other side
Speaker 1: of the world and chat to them. The scammers will
Speaker 1: come through and try and get hold of you that way.
Speaker 1: A doctor Z like, it's already bad enough that you
Speaker 1: invested three years of your time and your energy into
Speaker 1: this relationship before you said no more. But what did
Speaker 1: the leading up to no more to look like? Because
Speaker 1: I think maybe sometimes people loyal to this person, I
Speaker 1: do love the before, right, love without a limit? Literally,
Speaker 1: what was your limit? Okay? So it was like things
Speaker 1: would get bigger and bigger and bigger, and against cell phone, sneakers, jeans, clothes,
Speaker 1: kids clothes. It was like, oh, airline ticket again, driving
Speaker 1: to and from work, you get to and from work,
Speaker 1: because if you get into and from work, you ain't
Speaker 1: gonna be in my pockets. I don't want to see
Speaker 1: you be self sufficient. And then it was like a
Speaker 1: big ask. So here's what I noticed. When you share
Speaker 1: your joys with some people, when you share, oh my goodness,
Speaker 1: my credit score is going up, my credit limit is
Speaker 1: going up, you're sharing it for joy. Some people are
Speaker 1: listening to that to see how they can manipulate it
Speaker 1: to get at that. How can they benefit from the
Speaker 1: work that you put in to increase your credit score,
Speaker 1: to increase your income, and so you're like, let's celebrate.
Speaker 1: My credit score is great. I got a credit increase
Speaker 1: of another ten or twenty dollars in. Instead of being
Speaker 1: like that's fantastic, bag great, it's like, oh, I can
Speaker 1: I get this? You know right now you ain't drink before.
Speaker 1: They're definitely hearing a different language to what you're saying.
Speaker 1: It's translating into the heads as I can take more yes,
Speaker 1: and again, I'm honestly that is what I have learned
Speaker 1: like now, but even just going back to then, it
Speaker 1: was then it was like a big ask. You know what,
Speaker 1: I have this business opportunity. I have this business opportunity,
Speaker 1: and don't you have access to like um? Back then,
Speaker 1: it was like what's those checks? It was like the
Speaker 1: balance transfer checks that you can get the money put
Speaker 1: directly into your account. What I'm gonna do is I
Speaker 1: have this business opportunity. I can flip it and give
Speaker 1: it right back. Okay, I can get it right back
Speaker 1: by the end of the month. Mmmmmm. So the sense
Speaker 1: of urgency, m yeah, just like you've seen me bring
Speaker 1: in some more income and I just need access to
Speaker 1: more money so that I can get access to more things.
Speaker 1: And that was how it just escalated, escalated, escalated to
Speaker 1: the point of I'm helping you get out of the
Speaker 1: situation as well, because now it's like, well, I feel
Speaker 1: like if I didn't get that to you, then you
Speaker 1: wouldn't end up in this precarious situation. So now I
Speaker 1: got to help, right, So I helped put you in there,
Speaker 1: So now I got correct and I gotta make you
Speaker 1: a whole. In the episode, the original Red Table episode
Speaker 1: and the aftermath of Nicki and her dad Melvin realizing
Speaker 1: they have been scammed out of their life savings and
Speaker 1: it was gone forever, Nothing says he fell into a
Speaker 1: dark hole for a month during which he basically just drank,
Speaker 1: which was heartbreaking to here. But I feel like you
Speaker 1: probably get to a place where you're just stuck, right
Speaker 1: you just don't even know what to do. Dr Z.
Speaker 1: Was that your experience or anything similar? And what happened
Speaker 1: after you realized enough is enough? All of my money's
Speaker 1: gone or my savings. I know you mentioned the thirty dollars,
Speaker 1: but once you tabulated that amount in your head and
Speaker 1: said this has really happened, what was next for you?
Speaker 1: What happened? So even to continue this story, I found
Speaker 1: out that's when I started to find out that when
Speaker 1: I was saying what's saying, he cast a wide web.
Speaker 1: And the thing is, they cast that wide web because
Speaker 1: if some people get caught into that web, if this
Speaker 1: one doesn't do it, or if this doesn't work out
Speaker 1: with this one, then I can go on to this
Speaker 1: one and then oh, I have other options in the
Speaker 1: event that this one does not work out. So I
Speaker 1: actually found out right, and then they started treating me poorly,
Speaker 1: of course, right, because who are you to find out
Speaker 1: that I ain't ship? Right? Who are you to find
Speaker 1: out that I ain't ship? So now I can't talk
Speaker 1: to you no more because you know, you don't found
Speaker 1: out that I ain't ship. And now it was it
Speaker 1: was now narcissism because you're grand and you're big out
Speaker 1: here in the community, lying into a whole bunch of people.
Speaker 1: Because another friend even came and he was like, Oh,
Speaker 1: what happened to all of these houses that person had?
Speaker 1: He ain't got ship? Wow. But I think that goes
Speaker 1: back to what we said a little while ago. The
Speaker 1: social media helped perpetuate it, and I think it's the
Speaker 1: allure of what you can share on social media gives
Speaker 1: people their own pressure of I gotta keep this up
Speaker 1: twenty years ago. This was before even Facebook came out,
Speaker 1: because it was literally like twenty years ago. But yeah,
Speaker 1: I think people forget that social media is not real
Speaker 1: and you can portray any image that you want, can
Speaker 1: be anywhere in the world, anytime, any place, doing anything
Speaker 1: you want, and you can actually make yourself look completely
Speaker 1: different to your reality, and people do that. The kid
Speaker 1: can I ask, did you confrom Tim? Never? Yes, I did,
Speaker 1: and that's how it ended up ending. He was like
Speaker 1: emailing people from my computers. So I'm like, oh, I
Speaker 1: figured out his pass where y'all? And then I saw
Speaker 1: like letters between him and another person, him and two
Speaker 1: other people. He was literally saying the same thing to
Speaker 1: me that he was saying to them literally, So somebody
Speaker 1: have to change your story. You're saying the same example word.
Speaker 1: But you know what, that makes sense to me because
Speaker 1: I just need to make sure I stick to the script.
Speaker 1: This is this is my my con so it's working
Speaker 1: on somebody, so I'm just gonna keep using it over
Speaker 1: and over again. Sam, Is that pretty typical. Yeah. I
Speaker 1: just say to people, if you meet somebody, to ask
Speaker 1: questions and it might be something like did you have
Speaker 1: a dog when you were a child, what type of
Speaker 1: dog was it? What name did the dog have? And
Speaker 1: then re asked them almost like you've forgotten about it
Speaker 1: in a couple of weeks, time to see if they
Speaker 1: give you the same answer because something random. They probably
Speaker 1: don't have that scripted, but will they remember. So it's
Speaker 1: about keeping general conversation, but almost trying to catch them
Speaker 1: out as well, right, because if they lie about anything,
Speaker 1: they lie about everything. If they will know about everything,
Speaker 1: you all know me trying to understand folks in your mind,
Speaker 1: you probably are just like what happened make you go
Speaker 1: to that survival of its called being a criminal? Criminal?
Speaker 1: I'm a criminal criminal criminal, Like I feel like you
Speaker 1: like prey on was like are they praying for you?
Speaker 1: Are they praying on you? You are being prayed upon.
Speaker 1: You are a victim totally, I mean unequivocally, you are
Speaker 1: a victim. There's no logical reason you should be out
Speaker 1: of thirty thousand dollars and feel completely used and abused
Speaker 1: having been in a relationship with someone for three years.
Speaker 1: How did other people react to when they found out?
Speaker 1: Because I don't know about in America, but certainly in
Speaker 1: the UK, people are very very unfair to the victims
Speaker 1: of romance fraud and they kind of vilify them and
Speaker 1: they say, oh, they say stupid, I would never full
Speaker 1: for it, and it's it's just really unfair. Well until now,
Speaker 1: on my end, I know there's like one person that
Speaker 1: I never gave the number, but they knew just because
Speaker 1: they were lied to about the things that this person had,
Speaker 1: because they knew the person too. Um and I actually
Speaker 1: I met one of my best friends who was still
Speaker 1: my best friend today from that from literally from like
Speaker 1: through that person, and we are like the best of
Speaker 1: friends today. That that makes it hard too, because it's
Speaker 1: like I had a lot of great things come from that,
Speaker 1: maybe great trips. Whether you pay for them or not.
Speaker 1: You can still have good moments and not enjoy the situations.
Speaker 1: You can appreciate experiences and still have a lesson learned. Right,
Speaker 1: There's so many emotions that are connected to this. It's
Speaker 1: not just money, right, because you start to question yourself,
Speaker 1: question your judgment. I'm really happy to hear that your
Speaker 1: friends still with the person, because I think I would
Speaker 1: have disassociated myself with everyone that was associated with him,
Speaker 1: just from pure suspicion. I'm like, no, you knew. Yeah,
Speaker 1: so they weren't like friends friends. She knew, so it
Speaker 1: wasn't like she was like absolutely friends with him. He
Speaker 1: would go and tell her Zob stories too. So, like
Speaker 1: I said, nobody knows, because again it was embarrassed. I
Speaker 1: definitely got emotionally scam back in the day. I know
Speaker 1: the hope was from everybody just lying at me. I
Speaker 1: just do you know what the cara If you meet
Speaker 1: somebody on the dating app and they've told a small lie,
Speaker 1: they've lied about their height, is that acceptable or not?
Speaker 1: I personally think it's unacceptable because if they say that
Speaker 1: the a six ft tool and the five foot tool,
Speaker 1: you're getting tonight test. So if you're accepting of thought,
Speaker 1: you're gonna accept other things that they lie about. Listen,
Speaker 1: we're working on it every day. We gotta just know
Speaker 1: we want right and affirm ourselves, like listening to Tracy.
Speaker 1: The more every day I grow and I'm forty here,
Speaker 1: I just realized people really don't know who they are,
Speaker 1: what they want with truth, they want to believe except
Speaker 1: live with and they are just still slithering through life.
Speaker 1: Those snakes. I don't know, but people are growing to
Speaker 1: accept themselves more and more. Dr Z, how do you
Speaker 1: feel overall about your scammer? And have you yourself forgiven him?
Speaker 1: And have you forgiven yourself? Absolutely forgiving myself. I don't
Speaker 1: think about that person at all and completely, I'm gonna say,
Speaker 1: like disappeared. And then I didn't go after them either,
Speaker 1: because that's what the embarrassment did. And it was just like,
Speaker 1: by I hate to say it, you're just dead to me. Whatever,
Speaker 1: don't see me, don't hear we don't touch me. I'll
Speaker 1: figure it out. I was reclused for a little bit
Speaker 1: for a little bit, and then it was just like, girl,
Speaker 1: get yourself together, you know what you gotta do. And
Speaker 1: when you realize that again, that person's hands is always
Speaker 1: in their pocket and you're always the one doing the giving.
Speaker 1: When you realize you pay attention to that, you know
Speaker 1: what I mean. And that took forgiveness on my own part,
Speaker 1: because before it was just like I'm trying to mess
Speaker 1: with nobody. But who am I to let that situation
Speaker 1: stop me from loving again? Hell no, no, no, no
Speaker 1: no no, Just behave differently, Just behave differently. I'm I
Speaker 1: am happy to hear that. I really that you were like,
Speaker 1: no way, Sam, we want to hear some more about
Speaker 1: no way. We want to know, like we need some help. Okay,
Speaker 1: you help prevent rodmance scams, but I'm sure you also
Speaker 1: hear from people who have already lost money, like Dr C.
Speaker 1: To help us and our listeners understand the broad spectrum
Speaker 1: of scams out there. What are some of the scams,
Speaker 1: whether they're attempted or successful, that you come across in
Speaker 1: your work, and how can others avoid them? You definitely
Speaker 1: want to help people avoid this. Okay. We've heard multiple
Speaker 1: instances of people being in especially in the US Army,
Speaker 1: and they're deployed and all of a sudden they have
Speaker 1: some situation where they're injured and they need medical emergency treatment.
Speaker 1: I think people forget that the army would see to them.
Speaker 1: We get family members that have suddenly been taken ill,
Speaker 1: or it could be a business person who all of
Speaker 1: a sudden their financial accounts have all been closed down
Speaker 1: and it's all about that emergency quick. We need help.
Speaker 1: But I think what people could do to really stop
Speaker 1: it is used search engines, carry out checks, put their
Speaker 1: name into a search engine, their local patient company that
Speaker 1: they work for. A company that they own. Do these
Speaker 1: things all add up. Run searches on photographs that can
Speaker 1: give away a lot of information. Just do the checks.
Speaker 1: And I have a lot of people that say to me,
Speaker 1: but that's wrong early on in a relationship, why would
Speaker 1: I do that. I'm trusting somebody, and I always say
Speaker 1: that you wouldn't take a job without doing some research
Speaker 1: on the company. Just do a bit of research and
Speaker 1: if things still don't seem right, listen to that instinct,
Speaker 1: contact us at road Datas when wait, Sam, I was
Speaker 1: told years ago by someone, if you have a background,
Speaker 1: it needs to be checked. And so that makes perfect
Speaker 1: to me. We pick up a book, we read about
Speaker 1: what the books about, so it's just the same thing.
Speaker 1: It's just a small check. You don't need to go
Speaker 1: FBI style into their whole life, but just run a
Speaker 1: few checks. Right, We're definitely gonna run these checks. Thank
Speaker 1: you Technology and Google. We appreciate you because we were
Speaker 1: just out here blind in these two thousands, won't we Well.
Speaker 1: Some people go through great lengths to calm and scam people.
Speaker 1: A really good friend of mine recently had someone she
Speaker 1: was getting catfished, and the person said, like you said, Sam,
Speaker 1: they were in the military and deployed and wanted to
Speaker 1: date and had taken someone else's not just their photo,
Speaker 1: but assumed part of their identity so much as to
Speaker 1: even get their work addressed, like where they were, and
Speaker 1: then created all these stories. And she kept pressing and
Speaker 1: pressing and pressing, and thankfully she comes. She was like, Chase,
Speaker 1: I think I'm being catfished. And I was like, wait
Speaker 1: a minute, let me get my laptop. People are really terrible,
Speaker 1: you know. I'm just gonna say, people trash. People tell
Speaker 1: you get over it and it but it's truly, this
Speaker 1: is trauma. Whether you think it's just just a side
Speaker 1: part of my life. And yeah they didn't maybe still
Speaker 1: a credit card and wipe out a bank account, but
Speaker 1: it's just as manipulative and ATSD Listen to listen to
Speaker 1: the doctor said, people are trash, right, some people can trash. Right.
Speaker 1: She at least she ain't carrying it to everybody qualifier
Speaker 1: on there this time, but she right energy too. I like,
Speaker 1: I meant, well, let's talk about that. Listen. How has
Speaker 1: your scam experience and we know it's been a significant
Speaker 1: number of years, but how has it affected your life
Speaker 1: since and what lessons or traumas do you think you
Speaker 1: carry with you still? Are you even triggered when people
Speaker 1: ask you for money? Man, don't ask me. Don't ask
Speaker 1: me for a quarter. Don't ask me for a quarters.
Speaker 1: But I had that point, don't ask me for nothing,
Speaker 1: because literally, even right after that, the next person was
Speaker 1: similar to the person was simular. They were great on paper.
Speaker 1: But then I still, man, I started to see that.
Speaker 1: I was like, I thought he was secretly on drugs
Speaker 1: or something. I ain't gonna lie because we should have
Speaker 1: had money. How do you need me to help you
Speaker 1: by gas? And it's just like you look great on paper.
Speaker 1: You got this high profile job, I'm telling you, pure
Speaker 1: profile picture. Friends, I thought the next guy was secretly
Speaker 1: on drugs because I'm like, how you just need like
Speaker 1: little pieces of stuff. So I was like, you know what,
Speaker 1: We're gonna did this right now, because what I'm not
Speaker 1: gonna do is keep being nickel and dimed for my kindness.
Speaker 1: Let's make sure I got this right. The person right
Speaker 1: after the next person, right after the scammer. H yep,
Speaker 1: why these people even dating? That's the first thing. So yeah, right,
Speaker 1: and again on paper, the title that person held and
Speaker 1: they had like two jobs. I'm like, yo, what is
Speaker 1: going on? Because ain't no way. I'm like, do I
Speaker 1: look like vic? Okay? Okay, So now you did start
Speaker 1: to question your selection choices, your judgment. Did you start
Speaker 1: to wonder, lay a second here, what what the heck
Speaker 1: is going on? I am too kind? Important? Right? That
Speaker 1: made me look like a sugar mama because I'm not
Speaker 1: like flashy. I'm not like, I'm not a flashy person.
Speaker 1: I'm not a boasty person or anything like that. But
Speaker 1: it's like, what do people see that? It's just like,
Speaker 1: it comes back to what I said earlier. Kind and trusting,
Speaker 1: That's what it is. Yeah, they see that in you,
Speaker 1: and that opens the gates for them to take right.
Speaker 1: And it's a shame because it's such a it's such
Speaker 1: lovely qualities to have, but it goes against you. Really,
Speaker 1: it's terrible, doesn't it? Just say it is? We just
Speaker 1: have to pay attention drs he again, your story is
Speaker 1: gonna change some lives out here. Your story. First of all,
Speaker 1: before you go, I want to tell you how much
Speaker 1: I really appreciate you sharing your story because for you
Speaker 1: to have never told another soul or group of people
Speaker 1: or share this with your family, and to come to
Speaker 1: us and be at our virtual red table to share
Speaker 1: this and your experience so that you can be a
Speaker 1: help to others is a total gift. So thank you
Speaker 1: so much for that. It is difficult for you. It's
Speaker 1: difficult to share that truth, and so I appreciate you
Speaker 1: being vulnerable enough to to open yourself up and let
Speaker 1: us ask you questions. And Sam, you are on a mission,
Speaker 1: and thank you for being a safeguard and a gatekeeper
Speaker 1: for people to maintain their safety and their funds from
Speaker 1: not just being heartbroken, but being cleaned out as well.
Speaker 1: So thank you, Sam. If you could leave us and
Speaker 1: our listeners with one final takeaway about avoiding scams, what
Speaker 1: would it be. Trust your instinct, don't ignore it. If
Speaker 1: it doesn't feel right, something is not and question it
Speaker 1: and explore it. And don't give money. If someone's asking
Speaker 1: you for money, reverse it and think to yourself, if
Speaker 1: I need money, is this the person I would go to?
Speaker 1: And at the time the answer would be no, that's good.
Speaker 1: That's good. Trust your and stints. Don't give money. Don't
Speaker 1: give money, no money. We could talk, I could literally
Speaker 1: talk to y'all going to know more and more and more,
Speaker 1: and Sam, I'm absolutely fascinating the company with the rogue Daters.
Speaker 1: I think you're getting ready because you're probably gonna see
Speaker 1: an influx of people contact you because it's better than
Speaker 1: the cheats. That's always a big fear. You just don't
Speaker 1: want that thing to roll up, you man. So yeah,
Speaker 1: I'm here. Thank you so much for joining us. You've
Speaker 1: been fantastic hosts and here you've been so brave and
Speaker 1: I can guarantee you will make a big difference to
Speaker 1: lots of people. Yes, thank you, so your fa I agree, Sam,
Speaker 1: thank you both so much for coming to the Virtual
Speaker 1: Red Table. We appreciate you both. We're going to take
Speaker 1: a short break right now, and when we return, we'll
Speaker 1: share our top five takeaways from this episode. I learned
Speaker 1: a lot during this episode and from our guests, but
Speaker 1: now it's time to share our thoughts. So possessing Cara
Speaker 1: and Tracy's top five thoughts. I love this. This is
Speaker 1: the part of the show where we speed through the
Speaker 1: top five thoughts slash takeaways from the episode. Cara, I'm
Speaker 1: gonna go in and fire them all. So number five,
Speaker 1: we have trust, confusion, urgency. These are the pillars of
Speaker 1: a scam to watch out four, So watch out for them.
Speaker 1: Number four. When you receive a strange message, go to
Speaker 1: the sources. Absolutely, do not believe these people because they
Speaker 1: will allow you to think it's legit. Because why they're liars,
Speaker 1: Because they're liars. Listen, that's the quart of the week.
Speaker 1: It's just the honesty for me. The next one, number three,
Speaker 1: don't click on a link if you don't know where
Speaker 1: it'll take you. That's me, that's me. I will reply
Speaker 1: to a friend in a minute where you get this
Speaker 1: link from, and it's probably got them anyway, It's probably
Speaker 1: not them anyway. That's the part. Number two. You creative
Speaker 1: passwords and change them often. Last, but not least, our
Speaker 1: number one moment. Trust your instincts. Trust what's happening on
Speaker 1: the inside. If something doesn't feel right, if it feels
Speaker 1: a little fishy, that goud knows it might be wrong. Facts.
Speaker 1: We want to know how you're feeling about this new
Speaker 1: season of Red Table Talk. We're open to talk about
Speaker 1: anything with you all, so sending your questions at less
Speaker 1: red tables that at red table talk dot com, or
Speaker 1: send us a voice mess as speak pip dot com.
Speaker 1: Slash Let's Red Table That's and maybe you'll be featured
Speaker 1: on a future episode. We'd love to hear from you
Speaker 1: on that. Thank you so much for listening, and make
Speaker 1: sure you subscribe on iHeart Radio app, and please rate
Speaker 1: this podcast on Apple Podcast. We want a five. By
Speaker 1: the way, rate us a five. We'll be back next
Speaker 1: week for another episode of Let's Red Table That. A
Speaker 1: big thank you to our executive producers Jada Pinkett Smith,
Speaker 1: Ellen Racketson and Balon Jethrow. And thank you to our
Speaker 1: producer Kyla Kneu and our associate producer y Lambda Chow.
Speaker 1: And finally, thank you to our sound engineers Calvin Baila
Speaker 1: and Devin Donnaheet. Hey, Let's hey, Let's red Table that. Hey,
Speaker 1: that's a jingle for me.