1 00:00:04,440 --> 00:00:09,280 Speaker 1: Hello everybody, and welcome back to the Psychology of Your Twenties, 2 00:00:09,920 --> 00:00:12,280 Speaker 1: the podcast where we talk through some of the big 3 00:00:12,520 --> 00:00:16,880 Speaker 1: life changes and transitions of our twenties and what they 4 00:00:16,960 --> 00:00:26,720 Speaker 1: mean for our psychology. Hello everybody, Welcome back to the show. 5 00:00:26,800 --> 00:00:31,280 Speaker 1: Welcome back to the podcast. New listeners, old listeners. Wherever 6 00:00:31,320 --> 00:00:33,400 Speaker 1: you are in the world, it is great to have 7 00:00:33,479 --> 00:00:37,280 Speaker 1: you here. Back for another episode. Now, this one is 8 00:00:37,320 --> 00:00:40,280 Speaker 1: pretty special because it is kind of almost a part 9 00:00:40,479 --> 00:00:42,760 Speaker 1: three from a series that we did a couple of 10 00:00:42,760 --> 00:00:45,879 Speaker 1: weeks ago on how we can make the most out 11 00:00:45,880 --> 00:00:48,760 Speaker 1: of our twenties. And if you've listened to that episode, 12 00:00:48,840 --> 00:00:52,600 Speaker 1: we briefly discussed why it's important to move to a 13 00:00:52,680 --> 00:00:55,680 Speaker 1: new city during this decade, whether that is in your 14 00:00:55,680 --> 00:00:59,280 Speaker 1: home country or abroad. And you know what, I really 15 00:00:59,320 --> 00:01:04,640 Speaker 1: thought that this topic deserved its own entire episode, especially 16 00:01:04,680 --> 00:01:07,680 Speaker 1: after so many of you have reached out and let 17 00:01:07,680 --> 00:01:11,880 Speaker 1: me known your experiences, what you'd wished you'd known, even 18 00:01:11,920 --> 00:01:14,280 Speaker 1: the goals that you have to do this yourself. There 19 00:01:14,280 --> 00:01:19,360 Speaker 1: were so many lived experiences but also questions and you know, 20 00:01:19,480 --> 00:01:22,520 Speaker 1: questions for advice that I thought we may as well 21 00:01:22,640 --> 00:01:25,959 Speaker 1: do it separately. So today that is this episode. We 22 00:01:26,040 --> 00:01:30,160 Speaker 1: are going to be unpacking exactly why we feel the 23 00:01:30,319 --> 00:01:34,280 Speaker 1: urge to sometimes I would say, upend our lives and 24 00:01:34,400 --> 00:01:37,559 Speaker 1: just travel halfway across the globe, why there are numerous 25 00:01:37,600 --> 00:01:42,360 Speaker 1: benefits of this, not just psychologically, but also emotionally and socially, 26 00:01:43,040 --> 00:01:46,280 Speaker 1: and finally kind of the big question, which is how 27 00:01:46,280 --> 00:01:50,280 Speaker 1: do we do it? How can we unlock that potential 28 00:01:50,440 --> 00:01:53,120 Speaker 1: dream that so many of us share. I just want 29 00:01:53,120 --> 00:01:55,520 Speaker 1: to make a quick disclaimer as well that I totally 30 00:01:55,560 --> 00:01:58,320 Speaker 1: understand that this is not always an option for everyone 31 00:01:58,440 --> 00:02:03,000 Speaker 1: because of financial concerns or passports or family, and I 32 00:02:03,040 --> 00:02:05,280 Speaker 1: really do appreciate that. But for those of us who 33 00:02:05,360 --> 00:02:08,920 Speaker 1: do have the opportunities to consider this, I wanted to 34 00:02:08,960 --> 00:02:11,760 Speaker 1: really chat through not just some of the practical advice, 35 00:02:11,840 --> 00:02:16,280 Speaker 1: but also some of the surprising psychology, Like did you 36 00:02:16,360 --> 00:02:19,320 Speaker 1: know that there is a literal term for people who 37 00:02:19,360 --> 00:02:22,040 Speaker 1: cannot stay in one place for too long? And there's 38 00:02:22,040 --> 00:02:26,240 Speaker 1: also this concept that explains why we kind of get 39 00:02:26,280 --> 00:02:31,160 Speaker 1: this restless urge in our twenties. It's called novelty seeking behavior. 40 00:02:31,680 --> 00:02:34,600 Speaker 1: So I think that all of us, including myself, will 41 00:02:34,639 --> 00:02:39,360 Speaker 1: be very surprised by how much psychology really underpins this. 42 00:02:39,600 --> 00:02:43,720 Speaker 1: Very I would say, quintessential twenty something desire. So we're 43 00:02:43,720 --> 00:02:46,320 Speaker 1: going to discuss all of that and so much more. 44 00:02:46,840 --> 00:02:50,920 Speaker 1: I also want to really discuss and really explore this 45 00:02:51,040 --> 00:02:54,799 Speaker 1: idea of a six month rule, and that essentially says 46 00:02:54,880 --> 00:02:57,959 Speaker 1: that you need to give any new place you move 47 00:02:58,040 --> 00:03:01,680 Speaker 1: wherever that is six months. You have to really dedicate 48 00:03:02,200 --> 00:03:05,360 Speaker 1: six months of time, six months of energy before you 49 00:03:05,440 --> 00:03:08,840 Speaker 1: can make any further decisions. It takes that amount of 50 00:03:08,840 --> 00:03:12,400 Speaker 1: time to kind of establish a community, to find your 51 00:03:12,440 --> 00:03:15,120 Speaker 1: favorite restaurants and coffee spots, to get a lay of 52 00:03:15,120 --> 00:03:18,800 Speaker 1: the land. And I think anecdotally and from my own life, 53 00:03:18,880 --> 00:03:23,320 Speaker 1: this hypothesis is very very accurate. And alongside that, I 54 00:03:23,360 --> 00:03:25,600 Speaker 1: also really want to explore what are some of the 55 00:03:25,639 --> 00:03:29,240 Speaker 1: actual behaviors that we can instigate one of some of 56 00:03:29,240 --> 00:03:31,960 Speaker 1: the things we can do to make our move a 57 00:03:32,040 --> 00:03:37,200 Speaker 1: successful one, especially around things like loneliness or fear, those 58 00:03:37,320 --> 00:03:39,520 Speaker 1: kind of feelings that we are going to bring to 59 00:03:39,600 --> 00:03:42,760 Speaker 1: a new environment, but also these kinds of fears that 60 00:03:42,800 --> 00:03:45,280 Speaker 1: are going to hold us back. How can we make friends, 61 00:03:45,320 --> 00:03:49,200 Speaker 1: how can we navigate dealing with financial anxiety, how can 62 00:03:49,240 --> 00:03:51,280 Speaker 1: we find a place to live, How can we really 63 00:03:51,880 --> 00:03:55,560 Speaker 1: come to embrace this new chapter and this new challenge 64 00:03:56,000 --> 00:03:58,960 Speaker 1: moving overseas, I think is one of the best things 65 00:03:59,000 --> 00:04:01,480 Speaker 1: that we can do at this AA. So if you 66 00:04:01,600 --> 00:04:05,440 Speaker 1: have even been toying with the idea, I really hope 67 00:04:06,080 --> 00:04:09,600 Speaker 1: that this episode convinces you to bite the bullet. As 68 00:04:09,600 --> 00:04:14,480 Speaker 1: we always say, a comfortable life isn't always the best life, 69 00:04:14,640 --> 00:04:17,560 Speaker 1: and maybe this is kind of the challenge that you 70 00:04:17,600 --> 00:04:19,360 Speaker 1: have been looking for as you start to feel a 71 00:04:19,360 --> 00:04:22,799 Speaker 1: little bit stagnant or stuck where you are. I don't 72 00:04:22,800 --> 00:04:24,960 Speaker 1: know if it's just me feeling this, but I have 73 00:04:25,040 --> 00:04:31,120 Speaker 1: an intuition that this sensation, this experience, longing of boredom, 74 00:04:31,600 --> 00:04:34,760 Speaker 1: of the need for excitement, is a lot more common 75 00:04:34,800 --> 00:04:36,960 Speaker 1: than we think. So we have a lot to get through. 76 00:04:37,360 --> 00:04:40,039 Speaker 1: I'm really excited for this episode, and thank you again 77 00:04:40,240 --> 00:04:44,680 Speaker 1: for all of your contributions and ideas. Without further ado, 78 00:04:45,320 --> 00:04:49,479 Speaker 1: let us get into some of the psychology behind moving 79 00:04:49,680 --> 00:04:58,279 Speaker 1: to a new city in our twenties. Moving to a 80 00:04:58,320 --> 00:05:02,520 Speaker 1: new city, recreating ours, paving kind of a new future 81 00:05:02,600 --> 00:05:06,960 Speaker 1: or even a reality of excitement and community is such 82 00:05:07,000 --> 00:05:09,880 Speaker 1: a defining experience for those of us who do it. 83 00:05:09,880 --> 00:05:14,080 Speaker 1: It's also a decision that I think personally is incredibly 84 00:05:14,120 --> 00:05:17,279 Speaker 1: important something that we should all do at least once 85 00:05:17,400 --> 00:05:19,960 Speaker 1: in our lives. I'm sure it is on more than 86 00:05:19,960 --> 00:05:22,919 Speaker 1: one bucket list. It's definitely on my own. So I 87 00:05:22,960 --> 00:05:26,720 Speaker 1: think the reason why is that there is something uniquely 88 00:05:26,880 --> 00:05:32,440 Speaker 1: really transformative about making the conscious decision to upend everything 89 00:05:32,480 --> 00:05:34,840 Speaker 1: in your life that is normal, knowing that it will 90 00:05:34,880 --> 00:05:37,920 Speaker 1: be uncomfortable and that it's going to be hard at times, 91 00:05:38,040 --> 00:05:42,240 Speaker 1: but also having this really deep understanding that in the 92 00:05:42,320 --> 00:05:44,680 Speaker 1: long run it kind of might be the choice that 93 00:05:44,720 --> 00:05:48,200 Speaker 1: we look back on and pinpoint as the decision that 94 00:05:48,360 --> 00:05:54,240 Speaker 1: really changed everything. Anecdotally, this has been the perspective of 95 00:05:54,320 --> 00:05:57,560 Speaker 1: countless people that I have spoken to, countless others who 96 00:05:57,600 --> 00:06:00,279 Speaker 1: have written into me and said, you know, move to 97 00:06:00,360 --> 00:06:03,600 Speaker 1: New York or London or Barcelona or Canada was the 98 00:06:03,640 --> 00:06:07,599 Speaker 1: beginning of my life. It was the best decision I've 99 00:06:07,600 --> 00:06:11,039 Speaker 1: ever made. It's kind of a movie moment, right, It's 100 00:06:11,080 --> 00:06:14,560 Speaker 1: this movie moment that I think we all deserve. And 101 00:06:14,839 --> 00:06:17,799 Speaker 1: the argument I really want to kind of make today 102 00:06:18,040 --> 00:06:21,159 Speaker 1: is that, based in a lot of the psychology about 103 00:06:21,279 --> 00:06:25,760 Speaker 1: the developmental milestones we're hitting in this decade, about where 104 00:06:25,800 --> 00:06:28,680 Speaker 1: we're at in our life journey, our twenties are the 105 00:06:28,760 --> 00:06:32,200 Speaker 1: absolute best time to take this risk and to have 106 00:06:32,240 --> 00:06:36,360 Speaker 1: that experience, And I of course have my reasons. I'm 107 00:06:36,560 --> 00:06:39,640 Speaker 1: going to let you know what they are. I think, firstly, 108 00:06:39,839 --> 00:06:44,520 Speaker 1: our twenties are just accompanied by minimal external responsibilities that 109 00:06:44,560 --> 00:06:48,320 Speaker 1: are associated with lady gears. So I'm thinking things like children, 110 00:06:49,040 --> 00:06:54,440 Speaker 1: even pets, long term partners, financial responsibilities like mortgages, and 111 00:06:54,480 --> 00:06:56,960 Speaker 1: even things like study. Right, we often take that off 112 00:06:56,960 --> 00:06:59,520 Speaker 1: in our early twenties, and really for a lot of us, 113 00:07:00,200 --> 00:07:03,159 Speaker 1: that period comes to an end by twenty two and 114 00:07:03,560 --> 00:07:07,520 Speaker 1: twenty three, and we're kind of left with a bit 115 00:07:07,520 --> 00:07:11,160 Speaker 1: of a blank canvas, a bit of open space. And 116 00:07:11,200 --> 00:07:14,040 Speaker 1: a benefit of that, as scary as it can be, 117 00:07:14,280 --> 00:07:17,240 Speaker 1: is that there is nothing holding us back. There is 118 00:07:18,000 --> 00:07:21,240 Speaker 1: very little or very few people I guess that we 119 00:07:21,280 --> 00:07:25,720 Speaker 1: are accountable for other than ourselves. And that is exactly 120 00:07:25,840 --> 00:07:29,239 Speaker 1: the time and the season in which pursuing a big 121 00:07:29,280 --> 00:07:33,480 Speaker 1: life change like moving is not only invaluable, but actually 122 00:07:33,640 --> 00:07:36,280 Speaker 1: perfect timing. Right, there's a few times in our lives 123 00:07:36,320 --> 00:07:38,280 Speaker 1: that I think we can truly say that that this 124 00:07:38,360 --> 00:07:40,960 Speaker 1: is perfect timing. Of course, there are a few other 125 00:07:41,160 --> 00:07:45,360 Speaker 1: psychological benefits behind why I think this is an important choice. 126 00:07:45,440 --> 00:07:48,840 Speaker 1: So moving to a new city provides a bit of 127 00:07:48,880 --> 00:07:51,560 Speaker 1: a shock to the system in many ways, and that 128 00:07:51,600 --> 00:07:54,280 Speaker 1: acts as a catalyst for a lot of the necessary 129 00:07:54,320 --> 00:07:56,800 Speaker 1: growth we need to go through in this decade. So 130 00:07:56,920 --> 00:08:00,640 Speaker 1: let me lay out a few of these things for you. Firstly, 131 00:08:01,520 --> 00:08:06,120 Speaker 1: I think that experience of being uncomfortable in a new 132 00:08:06,160 --> 00:08:11,400 Speaker 1: place for however long that lasts, undoubtedly gets you to 133 00:08:11,520 --> 00:08:15,320 Speaker 1: know yourself better. And as we always say, the only 134 00:08:15,480 --> 00:08:18,440 Speaker 1: stable relationship in your life is the one you have 135 00:08:18,520 --> 00:08:23,720 Speaker 1: with yourself. So building that foundation of independence, of self 136 00:08:23,760 --> 00:08:27,840 Speaker 1: reliance and true inner knowledge, I think that's really sacred. 137 00:08:28,480 --> 00:08:32,439 Speaker 1: It also reflects this really key milestone that this psychologist 138 00:08:32,640 --> 00:08:35,280 Speaker 1: Eric Erickson spoke about, and that is the battle between 139 00:08:35,960 --> 00:08:41,199 Speaker 1: identity and confusion. This is this kind of period, this 140 00:08:41,320 --> 00:08:44,840 Speaker 1: milestone we all go through at some stage, normally during 141 00:08:44,840 --> 00:08:47,880 Speaker 1: our twenties, in which we do have to strike out 142 00:08:47,960 --> 00:08:50,240 Speaker 1: on our own and we have to in some ways 143 00:08:50,840 --> 00:08:55,439 Speaker 1: push back against the thinking and the traditions of our 144 00:08:55,480 --> 00:08:59,120 Speaker 1: families and our parents to form our own identity. And 145 00:08:59,200 --> 00:09:02,520 Speaker 1: a new city, I think, miles away from everything you've 146 00:09:02,520 --> 00:09:05,160 Speaker 1: ever known, is a really great place to do that. 147 00:09:05,200 --> 00:09:11,360 Speaker 1: It's a really amazing place to form your own identity. Secondly, 148 00:09:11,600 --> 00:09:15,280 Speaker 1: it provides kind of a challenge which really requires us 149 00:09:15,320 --> 00:09:18,600 Speaker 1: to build resilience. And I think resilience is this concept 150 00:09:18,600 --> 00:09:20,640 Speaker 1: that we don't speak about enough, but it's really the 151 00:09:20,679 --> 00:09:24,760 Speaker 1: ability to recover quickly from setbacks, and that's really crucial 152 00:09:24,800 --> 00:09:27,960 Speaker 1: for maintaining good mental strength. And we are going to 153 00:09:28,080 --> 00:09:31,720 Speaker 1: encounter setbacks in this scenario, things like visa problems, struggling 154 00:09:31,800 --> 00:09:34,560 Speaker 1: to find a good place to rent that's not fifty 155 00:09:34,600 --> 00:09:38,320 Speaker 1: million dollars, making new friends, and these experiences, these parts 156 00:09:38,360 --> 00:09:42,400 Speaker 1: of that journey, they're really frustrating, they're annoying. But every 157 00:09:42,440 --> 00:09:47,760 Speaker 1: time we successfully overcome something like that, it serves as 158 00:09:47,760 --> 00:09:51,120 Speaker 1: an important lesson and memory that we are able to 159 00:09:51,160 --> 00:09:53,800 Speaker 1: reflect back on when times are hard in the future, 160 00:09:54,400 --> 00:09:57,440 Speaker 1: and it provides the hindsight that everything will work out, 161 00:09:57,520 --> 00:10:00,960 Speaker 1: that we have actually gone through things that are arguably 162 00:10:01,000 --> 00:10:04,120 Speaker 1: quite difficult and come out on the other side. It 163 00:10:04,200 --> 00:10:07,880 Speaker 1: also promotes what we would call a growth mindset versus 164 00:10:08,000 --> 00:10:11,600 Speaker 1: a fixed mindset. Coming at you with all the psychology 165 00:10:11,679 --> 00:10:15,400 Speaker 1: terms here, but someone with a growth mindset they kind 166 00:10:15,440 --> 00:10:18,600 Speaker 1: of view things like success and their intelligence and their 167 00:10:18,640 --> 00:10:24,560 Speaker 1: abilities as capable of change and capable of improvement through effort. 168 00:10:24,960 --> 00:10:28,400 Speaker 1: So when we encounter failure as someone with a growth mindset, 169 00:10:28,559 --> 00:10:31,480 Speaker 1: that is not something to be ashamed of. It is 170 00:10:31,520 --> 00:10:35,199 Speaker 1: something to be learned from and overcome. On the other hand, 171 00:10:35,520 --> 00:10:38,600 Speaker 1: we have the fixed mindset, and someone with that mindset 172 00:10:39,280 --> 00:10:43,520 Speaker 1: really views things like intelligence, things like success, things like 173 00:10:43,679 --> 00:10:49,400 Speaker 1: luck as inherently stable and unchangeable over time, meaning that 174 00:10:49,440 --> 00:10:52,600 Speaker 1: the setbacks and the failures they encounter or the hiccups, 175 00:10:52,800 --> 00:10:56,800 Speaker 1: they're not something that they can really adapt to. So 176 00:10:57,040 --> 00:10:59,680 Speaker 1: there was a study done by the Stanford Graduate School 177 00:10:59,720 --> 00:11:03,319 Speaker 1: of Business and then another one kind of repeating recreating 178 00:11:03,320 --> 00:11:06,240 Speaker 1: that study done by the National Institute of Health, and 179 00:11:06,400 --> 00:11:10,480 Speaker 1: both of them really firmly showed that having a growth 180 00:11:10,720 --> 00:11:15,040 Speaker 1: mindset really boosts our happiness almost in every dimension of life. 181 00:11:15,559 --> 00:11:17,960 Speaker 1: And it's also something that we can learn when we 182 00:11:18,040 --> 00:11:22,520 Speaker 1: put ourselves through what we would call adaptable challenges. So 183 00:11:22,559 --> 00:11:26,000 Speaker 1: there's no point putting yourself in a situation where you 184 00:11:26,760 --> 00:11:28,440 Speaker 1: have to fail, Like if you signed up for an 185 00:11:28,520 --> 00:11:32,360 Speaker 1: ultra marathon tomorrow, you know, two hundred plus kilometers, that 186 00:11:32,480 --> 00:11:36,200 Speaker 1: is not an adaptable situation, like you're probably not going 187 00:11:36,280 --> 00:11:39,120 Speaker 1: to be able to complete that run. But if you 188 00:11:39,160 --> 00:11:41,719 Speaker 1: do something smaller like sign up for a five K 189 00:11:42,120 --> 00:11:44,600 Speaker 1: or move to a new city, or go on a 190 00:11:44,640 --> 00:11:48,280 Speaker 1: solo trip by yourself. That is an adaptable situation in 191 00:11:48,320 --> 00:11:51,040 Speaker 1: which you can teach yourself that you will be successful, 192 00:11:51,600 --> 00:11:54,800 Speaker 1: that you can overcome things that might go wrong, and 193 00:11:54,840 --> 00:11:58,319 Speaker 1: that really leads to this better attitude in the future. 194 00:11:59,000 --> 00:12:01,280 Speaker 1: Another element of why I think this is a really 195 00:12:01,280 --> 00:12:05,400 Speaker 1: invaluable experience for kind of testing us in our twenties 196 00:12:05,400 --> 00:12:09,960 Speaker 1: and testing our identity and our personality is that naturally 197 00:12:10,360 --> 00:12:15,120 Speaker 1: it really improves our problem solving skills, but also a 198 00:12:15,160 --> 00:12:18,199 Speaker 1: big move like the one we're talking about, it really 199 00:12:18,240 --> 00:12:23,360 Speaker 1: spurs self reflection. One of the biggest theories around self 200 00:12:23,360 --> 00:12:27,680 Speaker 1: awareness and self reflection it was presented by this psychologist 201 00:12:27,720 --> 00:12:31,559 Speaker 1: called Duvoo, and what he suggested is that at any 202 00:12:31,640 --> 00:12:35,400 Speaker 1: given time, we can be self focused or other focused, 203 00:12:36,040 --> 00:12:38,760 Speaker 1: and a lot of the time we're focused on our 204 00:12:38,800 --> 00:12:42,680 Speaker 1: external environment. What deadlines do we need to meet, what 205 00:12:42,720 --> 00:12:44,400 Speaker 1: do we need to make for dinner? Which friends do 206 00:12:44,440 --> 00:12:47,040 Speaker 1: we need to catch up with? All of those kind 207 00:12:47,080 --> 00:12:49,520 Speaker 1: of mundane things on our to do list. They really 208 00:12:49,559 --> 00:12:53,600 Speaker 1: have their place, like they're important for maintaining routine, but 209 00:12:53,679 --> 00:12:57,280 Speaker 1: what they also do is prevent us from that inward 210 00:12:57,360 --> 00:13:01,720 Speaker 1: focus that's really crucial, and that's self reflection. It's an 211 00:13:01,760 --> 00:13:04,079 Speaker 1: important question to really ask, you know, when was the 212 00:13:04,160 --> 00:13:07,720 Speaker 1: last time you really took a second to do a 213 00:13:07,720 --> 00:13:12,760 Speaker 1: bit of a mental inventory or check around. What in 214 00:13:12,800 --> 00:13:16,520 Speaker 1: your life is actually making you happy? Who is making 215 00:13:16,600 --> 00:13:20,000 Speaker 1: you happy? Where is the path you're on now taking you? 216 00:13:20,920 --> 00:13:23,600 Speaker 1: And is that actually where you want to be? And 217 00:13:23,679 --> 00:13:26,800 Speaker 1: maybe there are even some other bigger existential questions you've 218 00:13:26,840 --> 00:13:29,320 Speaker 1: been avoiding. You know, who do I want to be 219 00:13:29,360 --> 00:13:32,719 Speaker 1: in the next five years? What decisions can I make 220 00:13:32,760 --> 00:13:35,640 Speaker 1: now that my future self will thank me for If 221 00:13:35,640 --> 00:13:38,480 Speaker 1: I stay on this path, perhaps one in which I 222 00:13:38,480 --> 00:13:41,199 Speaker 1: feel a little bit bored or a little bit stagnant, 223 00:13:41,400 --> 00:13:44,280 Speaker 1: maybe not challenged, is that really going to make me 224 00:13:44,760 --> 00:13:48,160 Speaker 1: the happiest version of myself in the future. And it's 225 00:13:48,200 --> 00:13:51,600 Speaker 1: those hard questions that I think are almost built into 226 00:13:51,679 --> 00:13:54,560 Speaker 1: the mental process that we have to undertake before moving 227 00:13:55,240 --> 00:13:57,080 Speaker 1: You know, when we contemplate when we might move to, 228 00:13:57,120 --> 00:13:59,240 Speaker 1: we really have to take stock of what our vision 229 00:13:59,480 --> 00:14:02,640 Speaker 1: is move moving forward? What are our priorities? What's going 230 00:14:02,679 --> 00:14:05,760 Speaker 1: to make us truly fulfilled? Right? And like that kind 231 00:14:05,800 --> 00:14:08,960 Speaker 1: of creates a fork in the road that really shifts 232 00:14:09,000 --> 00:14:13,000 Speaker 1: your timeline, and with some of that, you know a 233 00:14:13,000 --> 00:14:15,319 Speaker 1: lot of the core elements of your personality and your 234 00:14:15,320 --> 00:14:18,319 Speaker 1: outlook because you're about to encounter all of these novel 235 00:14:18,400 --> 00:14:22,560 Speaker 1: experiences and it's those experiences that will shape who you 236 00:14:22,600 --> 00:14:25,360 Speaker 1: are during this formative decade. And I think the result 237 00:14:25,400 --> 00:14:29,880 Speaker 1: of that, like I've been saying, is really transformative. And finally, 238 00:14:29,920 --> 00:14:33,520 Speaker 1: I think one of the other countless benefits too many 239 00:14:33,560 --> 00:14:37,640 Speaker 1: to get into of moving is that it reinforces that 240 00:14:37,760 --> 00:14:40,640 Speaker 1: deep philosophy that we have said time and time again. 241 00:14:41,440 --> 00:14:44,640 Speaker 1: Life is not meant to be convenient and comfortable at 242 00:14:44,640 --> 00:14:49,320 Speaker 1: all times. We really grow from discomfort, so choosing what's 243 00:14:49,400 --> 00:14:53,040 Speaker 1: easiest kind of defeats the purpose, right, Like, yes, life 244 00:14:53,040 --> 00:14:56,520 Speaker 1: can be soft and gentle and peaceful, but if we 245 00:14:56,560 --> 00:14:59,920 Speaker 1: don't give ourselves or our minds a challenge every now 246 00:15:00,040 --> 00:15:03,920 Speaker 1: and then, or provide it with new stimuli and experiences 247 00:15:04,120 --> 00:15:06,880 Speaker 1: like adapting to a new environment, we're gonna feel a 248 00:15:06,880 --> 00:15:09,720 Speaker 1: little bit defeated. And at times we see people become 249 00:15:09,760 --> 00:15:13,600 Speaker 1: really deeply dissatisfied with their lives. And that's not to 250 00:15:13,640 --> 00:15:15,640 Speaker 1: say that moving to a new city is going to 251 00:15:16,240 --> 00:15:19,600 Speaker 1: cure that dissatisfaction. That something we'll talk about a little 252 00:15:19,600 --> 00:15:21,720 Speaker 1: bit later, But if that's you right now and you're 253 00:15:21,720 --> 00:15:25,120 Speaker 1: feeling restless, you're feeling that tingle and that kind of 254 00:15:25,200 --> 00:15:30,400 Speaker 1: spark to spontaneously leave everything behind. There are a few 255 00:15:30,480 --> 00:15:35,600 Speaker 1: explanations for this, and even more behind why this gut 256 00:15:35,720 --> 00:15:38,360 Speaker 1: instinct might be the one that you should be paying 257 00:15:38,400 --> 00:15:44,080 Speaker 1: attention to. Humans crave new experiences. In psychology, it's this 258 00:15:44,160 --> 00:15:48,400 Speaker 1: phenomenon called novelty seeking or neophilia for those of us 259 00:15:48,440 --> 00:15:52,000 Speaker 1: who go to almost extremes to find the thrill of 260 00:15:52,040 --> 00:15:57,600 Speaker 1: new experiences like skydiving or risk taking behavior. Basically, the 261 00:15:57,680 --> 00:16:01,720 Speaker 1: reasoning is this new things, new new memories, new environments. 262 00:16:02,400 --> 00:16:05,880 Speaker 1: They're really interesting, but also they released dopmean in our brains. 263 00:16:05,920 --> 00:16:08,680 Speaker 1: They make us curious, and they encourage us to kind 264 00:16:08,680 --> 00:16:12,080 Speaker 1: of find out more, and they also just provide very 265 00:16:12,080 --> 00:16:16,960 Speaker 1: basic entertainment. Novel things. Through all of those kind of 266 00:16:17,120 --> 00:16:21,520 Speaker 1: elements capture our attention. You are more likely to notice 267 00:16:21,600 --> 00:16:25,920 Speaker 1: things and be present. And what that experience does is 268 00:16:25,920 --> 00:16:28,680 Speaker 1: it activates different regions of our brain and that creates 269 00:16:28,680 --> 00:16:32,640 Speaker 1: a really positive experience, a positive feeling, which is why 270 00:16:32,640 --> 00:16:36,680 Speaker 1: there is a connection between wanting some novelty in your life, 271 00:16:36,720 --> 00:16:41,000 Speaker 1: wanting something new and happiness, and therefore that innate drive 272 00:16:41,360 --> 00:16:45,760 Speaker 1: to seek out new experiences, especially when life starts to 273 00:16:45,840 --> 00:16:48,680 Speaker 1: feel a little bit boring. So if you're at that point, 274 00:16:49,120 --> 00:16:51,040 Speaker 1: maybe what your brain is trying to tell you is, 275 00:16:51,560 --> 00:16:54,040 Speaker 1: we kind of need something new here, right, We need 276 00:16:54,560 --> 00:16:57,000 Speaker 1: something a little bit different to keep us entertained because 277 00:16:57,040 --> 00:16:59,680 Speaker 1: we've kind of taken all that we can from what's 278 00:16:59,720 --> 00:17:02,520 Speaker 1: in our current environment, and parts of that might be 279 00:17:02,680 --> 00:17:04,920 Speaker 1: you need to kind of switch up your routine. There 280 00:17:04,920 --> 00:17:07,760 Speaker 1: are a lot of smaller micro habits that we can 281 00:17:08,200 --> 00:17:13,000 Speaker 1: bring into our daily lives, but a big jump or 282 00:17:13,040 --> 00:17:16,840 Speaker 1: a change like a new city really kind of provides 283 00:17:16,880 --> 00:17:20,240 Speaker 1: your brain with all of that and more. I think 284 00:17:20,280 --> 00:17:22,280 Speaker 1: another element as to why a lot of us in 285 00:17:22,320 --> 00:17:25,200 Speaker 1: our twenties are particularly attracted to the idea of moving 286 00:17:25,240 --> 00:17:29,199 Speaker 1: overseas or anywhere, really is the romance. And I'm not 287 00:17:29,280 --> 00:17:33,680 Speaker 1: just talking romance in the lovey dovey sense, but romance 288 00:17:34,240 --> 00:17:38,639 Speaker 1: in more of like a literary emotional sense, the romance 289 00:17:38,680 --> 00:17:42,840 Speaker 1: of a new city, of rainy days and new bars 290 00:17:42,920 --> 00:17:45,920 Speaker 1: and new people. We all want that kind of life 291 00:17:45,960 --> 00:17:48,720 Speaker 1: story that people can ask us about. Eighty and we 292 00:17:48,760 --> 00:17:50,800 Speaker 1: can surprise them with like the time we lived in 293 00:17:50,800 --> 00:17:53,840 Speaker 1: Canada or we took six months to live in Nepal. 294 00:17:54,440 --> 00:17:57,840 Speaker 1: I think we all have this very idealized, glamorous storyline 295 00:17:57,960 --> 00:18:00,600 Speaker 1: of how we want our life to be and kind 296 00:18:00,640 --> 00:18:04,240 Speaker 1: of what's more dreamy in some ways mysterious than you know, 297 00:18:04,400 --> 00:18:07,159 Speaker 1: learning who you are and having all of those coming 298 00:18:07,200 --> 00:18:10,160 Speaker 1: of age stories in a foreign city. It also really, 299 00:18:10,160 --> 00:18:14,680 Speaker 1: I think reflects that drive for adventure, that drive not 300 00:18:14,720 --> 00:18:20,480 Speaker 1: only for novelty, but also for kind of freshness and 301 00:18:20,640 --> 00:18:25,520 Speaker 1: risk and unexpected surprises. You know, humans are storytellers and 302 00:18:25,560 --> 00:18:28,679 Speaker 1: we want good stories to tell, especially when we're in 303 00:18:28,720 --> 00:18:31,240 Speaker 1: our twenties and we're kind of young and wild and 304 00:18:31,359 --> 00:18:35,199 Speaker 1: chaotic and free. But of course, here's the question we 305 00:18:35,280 --> 00:18:39,320 Speaker 1: need to ask ourselves. Will moving actually make us happier? 306 00:18:39,720 --> 00:18:42,359 Speaker 1: Can we really just get up, shift our lives to 307 00:18:42,440 --> 00:18:45,000 Speaker 1: a new city and leave all of our problems behind. 308 00:18:45,560 --> 00:18:47,760 Speaker 1: And it's so funny because I posted a video about 309 00:18:47,760 --> 00:18:50,040 Speaker 1: this the other day and one of the comments was 310 00:18:50,040 --> 00:18:53,960 Speaker 1: someone essentially warning me very kindly that moving wasn't going 311 00:18:53,960 --> 00:18:56,720 Speaker 1: to make me happier, and that really what I was 312 00:18:56,760 --> 00:19:00,399 Speaker 1: expressing was kind of like a compulsion to ignore or 313 00:19:00,440 --> 00:19:03,239 Speaker 1: avoid my problems. But I think if the issue you're 314 00:19:03,280 --> 00:19:05,320 Speaker 1: facing is that your life is just a bit boring 315 00:19:05,440 --> 00:19:08,360 Speaker 1: and you're craving a new beginning, moving to a new 316 00:19:08,400 --> 00:19:12,040 Speaker 1: city isn't a distraction. It's part of the solution. Not everything, 317 00:19:12,560 --> 00:19:15,880 Speaker 1: you know, speaking as someone who runs a psychology podcast, 318 00:19:16,359 --> 00:19:18,840 Speaker 1: needs to kind of be pathologized into being a problem. 319 00:19:18,880 --> 00:19:22,800 Speaker 1: Not every desire is a projection of some unhealthy coping mechanism. 320 00:19:23,000 --> 00:19:25,600 Speaker 1: Sometimes you just want to do something because you want 321 00:19:25,640 --> 00:19:28,399 Speaker 1: to do it. But returning to that question, will it 322 00:19:28,440 --> 00:19:32,119 Speaker 1: make us happy? There's actually been some research on this. 323 00:19:32,240 --> 00:19:35,640 Speaker 1: As always, science has the answers, and there are really 324 00:19:35,680 --> 00:19:38,800 Speaker 1: two main schools of thought. One school of thought says, yes, 325 00:19:39,080 --> 00:19:42,280 Speaker 1: moving to a new city is kind of the perfect 326 00:19:42,600 --> 00:19:46,560 Speaker 1: fresh start that people need to recalibrate their happiness, and 327 00:19:46,640 --> 00:19:50,320 Speaker 1: the other camp it says that whilst moving might provide 328 00:19:50,520 --> 00:19:54,720 Speaker 1: us with, you know, a temporary fix, a temporary lift 329 00:19:54,800 --> 00:19:57,879 Speaker 1: in our mood. In some studies, what they've seen is 330 00:19:57,920 --> 00:20:02,800 Speaker 1: that our happiness returns to its baseline, you know, before 331 00:20:02,840 --> 00:20:06,399 Speaker 1: we moved, after a little while. So it's hypothesized that 332 00:20:06,440 --> 00:20:10,960 Speaker 1: when we keep chasing that feeling, we keep craving novelty 333 00:20:11,160 --> 00:20:14,920 Speaker 1: and newness. Sometimes we fall into the trap of never 334 00:20:15,000 --> 00:20:18,200 Speaker 1: staying one place for long. So these are the people 335 00:20:18,240 --> 00:20:21,359 Speaker 1: that we would call the serial movers, that friend of 336 00:20:21,400 --> 00:20:24,520 Speaker 1: yours who is never in one place for very long, 337 00:20:24,600 --> 00:20:27,200 Speaker 1: who can never have that commitment to the place they 338 00:20:27,240 --> 00:20:30,439 Speaker 1: call home. And it's really rare, I would imagine, But 339 00:20:30,800 --> 00:20:34,719 Speaker 1: some therapists have identified that this pattern of behavior, this 340 00:20:34,960 --> 00:20:39,320 Speaker 1: really frequent serial moving, is perhaps a defensive strategy in 341 00:20:39,359 --> 00:20:43,880 Speaker 1: which we seek external change in our environment to change 342 00:20:44,000 --> 00:20:47,960 Speaker 1: what is essentially an internal problem. So I think it's 343 00:20:47,960 --> 00:20:50,880 Speaker 1: worth reminding ourselves that no matter how much we move, 344 00:20:51,720 --> 00:20:54,879 Speaker 1: you do you know, still take yourself with you. But also, 345 00:20:55,680 --> 00:20:57,880 Speaker 1: you know, I think my problems would look a lot 346 00:20:57,920 --> 00:21:02,040 Speaker 1: better with an apparol spirts in Italy, or you know, 347 00:21:02,400 --> 00:21:04,480 Speaker 1: it would be a lot easier to manage when I'm 348 00:21:04,520 --> 00:21:07,840 Speaker 1: walking in the Swiss Alps. Right. What I'm really getting 349 00:21:07,840 --> 00:21:13,600 Speaker 1: at is that environmental change it brings perspective, not just distraction. 350 00:21:14,240 --> 00:21:17,560 Speaker 1: So what I want to talk about now is another 351 00:21:17,640 --> 00:21:21,080 Speaker 1: dimension of this question that we're facing, or this urge 352 00:21:21,119 --> 00:21:23,440 Speaker 1: that we're looking at, which is what are some of 353 00:21:23,480 --> 00:21:26,760 Speaker 1: the difficulties that we are going to encounter things like fear, 354 00:21:27,400 --> 00:21:32,120 Speaker 1: things like anxiety, building new community, loneliness, you know, finding 355 00:21:32,119 --> 00:21:34,680 Speaker 1: your place. I think they all come with the territory. 356 00:21:34,720 --> 00:21:37,720 Speaker 1: It's all something that we're going to encounter. But really, 357 00:21:37,760 --> 00:21:40,680 Speaker 1: what I'm going to outline is my six month rule 358 00:21:40,840 --> 00:21:42,560 Speaker 1: that I have when I move to a new city, 359 00:21:43,000 --> 00:21:46,280 Speaker 1: and also some of the best tips for settling in 360 00:21:46,480 --> 00:21:49,800 Speaker 1: and making the most out of kind of your new home, 361 00:21:49,920 --> 00:21:53,480 Speaker 1: out of this new place that you will eventually call home. 362 00:21:54,080 --> 00:22:03,600 Speaker 1: All of that and more in just a second. I 363 00:22:03,640 --> 00:22:08,359 Speaker 1: think there's really a perfect time to make a big 364 00:22:08,400 --> 00:22:10,680 Speaker 1: life change, like choosing to move to a new city. 365 00:22:11,280 --> 00:22:14,440 Speaker 1: And if we're always searching for reasons why we shouldn't 366 00:22:14,440 --> 00:22:16,919 Speaker 1: do something, you know, maybe you have a partner that 367 00:22:16,960 --> 00:22:19,400 Speaker 1: you don't want to leave behind or do long distance with, 368 00:22:19,600 --> 00:22:22,399 Speaker 1: or a really good group of friends. If you're always 369 00:22:22,440 --> 00:22:25,159 Speaker 1: looking for those reasons, you'll always find that there is 370 00:22:25,200 --> 00:22:28,600 Speaker 1: something stopping you. But I think the philosophy that I 371 00:22:28,640 --> 00:22:31,000 Speaker 1: want us to take, and I'm sure it's a common one, 372 00:22:31,200 --> 00:22:33,760 Speaker 1: is that you don't want to look back in fifty 373 00:22:33,840 --> 00:22:36,520 Speaker 1: years and realize that you could have had a completely 374 00:22:37,119 --> 00:22:39,320 Speaker 1: different life if you've just taken a bit of a 375 00:22:39,400 --> 00:22:43,880 Speaker 1: risk regret really comes from that dark realization that there 376 00:22:43,920 --> 00:22:45,679 Speaker 1: is nothing that we can do to change the past. 377 00:22:45,880 --> 00:22:48,960 Speaker 1: So we really need to act with our future selves 378 00:22:49,080 --> 00:22:53,240 Speaker 1: in mind when making these decisions. So although we've spoken 379 00:22:53,280 --> 00:22:55,920 Speaker 1: about all the benefits, another element of it is that 380 00:22:56,240 --> 00:22:59,320 Speaker 1: sometimes we can be frozen by fear, kind of almost 381 00:22:59,359 --> 00:23:02,119 Speaker 1: playing this tug of war with these two desires do 382 00:23:02,160 --> 00:23:05,280 Speaker 1: we stay or do we go? And there's a lot 383 00:23:05,280 --> 00:23:08,199 Speaker 1: of things that are underpinning this. It's very natural to 384 00:23:08,280 --> 00:23:11,120 Speaker 1: feel anxiety and fear at the precipice of a big 385 00:23:11,160 --> 00:23:15,200 Speaker 1: life change, potentially as well, one that's going to upend 386 00:23:15,320 --> 00:23:18,280 Speaker 1: one of our core human needs, the need for security. 387 00:23:18,920 --> 00:23:21,760 Speaker 1: And what often comes down to is that fear of 388 00:23:21,760 --> 00:23:26,440 Speaker 1: the unknown. Humans as a species are really bad at 389 00:23:26,480 --> 00:23:29,960 Speaker 1: dealing with uncertainty, and so we like to create our 390 00:23:30,000 --> 00:23:34,160 Speaker 1: own hypotheticals or visions of what could come next, kind 391 00:23:34,160 --> 00:23:36,159 Speaker 1: of in order to provide us with a sense of 392 00:23:36,200 --> 00:23:39,760 Speaker 1: comfort that we can not only predict the future, but 393 00:23:39,880 --> 00:23:43,800 Speaker 1: planned for it. And often these ideas or things that 394 00:23:43,840 --> 00:23:47,159 Speaker 1: we concoct, they are a lot more negative than what 395 00:23:47,640 --> 00:23:51,800 Speaker 1: will actually happen in reality. For example, you know, catastrophizing 396 00:23:51,920 --> 00:23:54,399 Speaker 1: and thinking, well, when I get there, i won't have 397 00:23:54,440 --> 00:23:56,920 Speaker 1: any friends and I'll be so terribly lonely, and I'll 398 00:23:57,200 --> 00:24:00,880 Speaker 1: you know, I'll never find anyone like me. I'll never 399 00:24:00,920 --> 00:24:03,200 Speaker 1: find community, So I should just stay where I am. 400 00:24:03,760 --> 00:24:07,960 Speaker 1: In that instance, a negative uncertainty bias is impacting your 401 00:24:07,960 --> 00:24:10,760 Speaker 1: decision making, and what it's trying to do is scare 402 00:24:10,800 --> 00:24:14,480 Speaker 1: you out of pushing yourself beyond your comfort zone. It's 403 00:24:14,600 --> 00:24:18,400 Speaker 1: kind of ironic how our minds really crave two things 404 00:24:18,480 --> 00:24:21,399 Speaker 1: at once. They crave the novelty and the new experiences, 405 00:24:22,000 --> 00:24:25,440 Speaker 1: but also what is comfortable and secure. But I think 406 00:24:25,480 --> 00:24:28,800 Speaker 1: by recognizing that your brain is likely to be in 407 00:24:28,800 --> 00:24:32,760 Speaker 1: that kind of automatic state of negativity bias, you're actually 408 00:24:32,800 --> 00:24:35,960 Speaker 1: better able to distance yourself from those thoughts and think 409 00:24:36,040 --> 00:24:40,440 Speaker 1: more rationally and also positively, not just about your current situation, 410 00:24:40,520 --> 00:24:44,160 Speaker 1: but also about the future. Additionally, I think major life 411 00:24:44,240 --> 00:24:47,840 Speaker 1: changes can cause a lot of stress for us, particularly 412 00:24:47,880 --> 00:24:51,120 Speaker 1: US people who feel a lot more comfortable in a routine, 413 00:24:51,720 --> 00:24:54,080 Speaker 1: and even for those who like a little bit of risk, 414 00:24:54,119 --> 00:24:56,800 Speaker 1: a little bit of trouble, it's still going to present 415 00:24:56,840 --> 00:24:59,720 Speaker 1: its challenges. I think what's interesting to note here is 416 00:24:59,720 --> 00:25:03,960 Speaker 1: that the brain actually tends to deal with all types 417 00:25:04,000 --> 00:25:08,119 Speaker 1: of stressful major life changes in the same way. So 418 00:25:08,440 --> 00:25:11,480 Speaker 1: we typically think of certain life events like the death 419 00:25:11,520 --> 00:25:16,080 Speaker 1: of a family member or graduating university as things that 420 00:25:16,280 --> 00:25:19,080 Speaker 1: are quite stressful. Right. Those are things that we really 421 00:25:19,119 --> 00:25:23,320 Speaker 1: recognize as being a little bit scary and almost coming 422 00:25:23,359 --> 00:25:26,280 Speaker 1: with a bit of grief. But things that are also 423 00:25:26,280 --> 00:25:30,560 Speaker 1: seemingly positive, like celebrating a new marriage or moving, they 424 00:25:30,560 --> 00:25:34,000 Speaker 1: can also prompt the brain to react with unease and discomfort. 425 00:25:34,920 --> 00:25:39,000 Speaker 1: That's because these experiences, good or bad, however we appraise them, 426 00:25:39,400 --> 00:25:42,800 Speaker 1: they go against our sense of normalcy and the consistency 427 00:25:43,080 --> 00:25:46,320 Speaker 1: that our brain expects, so it acts with an alarm. 428 00:25:46,400 --> 00:25:49,359 Speaker 1: It responds in a state of panic in order to 429 00:25:49,400 --> 00:25:52,920 Speaker 1: really make sure that we are processing whether this new 430 00:25:53,040 --> 00:25:57,960 Speaker 1: environment or this new experience actually poses a threat importantly 431 00:25:58,200 --> 00:26:01,959 Speaker 1: that is going to go away eventually with time, and 432 00:26:02,040 --> 00:26:05,240 Speaker 1: when we begin to realize that this new thing, this 433 00:26:05,280 --> 00:26:08,600 Speaker 1: new experience, this new situation, it's not as scary as 434 00:26:08,600 --> 00:26:10,919 Speaker 1: it needs to be. And here is really where I 435 00:26:10,920 --> 00:26:13,840 Speaker 1: want to introduce the idea of the six month rule 436 00:26:14,200 --> 00:26:17,040 Speaker 1: that I've already spoken on a little bit. So I've 437 00:26:17,080 --> 00:26:19,600 Speaker 1: moved a few times in my life. I moved to Canberra, 438 00:26:19,600 --> 00:26:23,680 Speaker 1: from Melbourne for university and then most recently from Canberra 439 00:26:23,760 --> 00:26:26,480 Speaker 1: to Sydney, which I think was a much more significant 440 00:26:26,560 --> 00:26:29,480 Speaker 1: transition for me given I did not have the structure 441 00:26:29,520 --> 00:26:32,480 Speaker 1: of a college or a university environment. And if you 442 00:26:32,520 --> 00:26:35,480 Speaker 1: listen to my life update on Tuesday, you'll know there 443 00:26:35,600 --> 00:26:39,240 Speaker 1: is the potential also for another big move in the future. 444 00:26:39,840 --> 00:26:42,560 Speaker 1: From experience, I realized that when you move to a 445 00:26:42,600 --> 00:26:45,639 Speaker 1: new place, it is going to take about six months 446 00:26:45,680 --> 00:26:48,359 Speaker 1: to feel settled, just like it takes a few months 447 00:26:48,400 --> 00:26:52,000 Speaker 1: to adjust to a new job or a new relationship. 448 00:26:52,480 --> 00:26:55,560 Speaker 1: And in those first six months, you cannot make any 449 00:26:55,880 --> 00:27:00,479 Speaker 1: drastic decisions. You cannot let yourself move back home, you 450 00:27:00,560 --> 00:27:04,160 Speaker 1: cannot let yourself almost give up on the dream, because 451 00:27:04,160 --> 00:27:06,800 Speaker 1: it's going to take that amount of time to fully 452 00:27:06,840 --> 00:27:10,520 Speaker 1: realize the potential of this new place and actually build 453 00:27:10,560 --> 00:27:13,680 Speaker 1: some of those core needs, things like community, things like 454 00:27:13,720 --> 00:27:16,240 Speaker 1: a sense of security, things like a sense of place. 455 00:27:16,840 --> 00:27:19,679 Speaker 1: And let me tell you from personal experience, it is 456 00:27:19,760 --> 00:27:24,000 Speaker 1: like clockwork that six month mark comes around and suddenly 457 00:27:24,080 --> 00:27:26,399 Speaker 1: you kind of look up and you feel like you 458 00:27:26,400 --> 00:27:28,120 Speaker 1: have people you can call on. You know, the best 459 00:27:28,160 --> 00:27:30,760 Speaker 1: local spots, you have your old haunts, the kind of 460 00:27:30,760 --> 00:27:34,280 Speaker 1: public transport is down pat And now this is not 461 00:27:34,320 --> 00:27:37,439 Speaker 1: a scientific theory, let me really state that clearly. It 462 00:27:37,520 --> 00:27:40,879 Speaker 1: is very much anecdotal. But I think the reason that 463 00:27:40,920 --> 00:27:44,960 Speaker 1: this timeline fits this situation so well is because the 464 00:27:45,040 --> 00:27:48,719 Speaker 1: first couple of months are going to feel really exciting 465 00:27:48,880 --> 00:27:52,360 Speaker 1: and romantic and novel. You know, you really haven't had 466 00:27:52,400 --> 00:27:55,439 Speaker 1: the time to process the change, so it probably just 467 00:27:55,440 --> 00:27:59,120 Speaker 1: feels like a really long holiday. And the next few 468 00:27:59,119 --> 00:28:03,240 Speaker 1: months are about adjustment, and that is when the homesickness, 469 00:28:03,320 --> 00:28:08,320 Speaker 1: the dislocation, and the loneliness can really take hold. But 470 00:28:08,359 --> 00:28:11,119 Speaker 1: then we integrate and we adapt as humans do. We 471 00:28:11,119 --> 00:28:14,679 Speaker 1: are very adaptable people. So when we give ourselves the 472 00:28:14,720 --> 00:28:18,639 Speaker 1: opportunity to find solutions, what we find is that we 473 00:28:18,720 --> 00:28:22,040 Speaker 1: reach that six month mark and we feel really secure 474 00:28:22,080 --> 00:28:24,679 Speaker 1: and we feel like we've done the work. There are 475 00:28:24,680 --> 00:28:27,360 Speaker 1: a couple of things that we're likely to encounter during 476 00:28:27,400 --> 00:28:29,840 Speaker 1: those first few months that I want to discuss, not 477 00:28:29,960 --> 00:28:32,040 Speaker 1: to kind of make you scared, but just to kind 478 00:28:32,040 --> 00:28:35,240 Speaker 1: of prepare us all with the idea of what moving 479 00:28:35,280 --> 00:28:38,440 Speaker 1: actually entails, and to get kind of the best information 480 00:28:38,520 --> 00:28:41,120 Speaker 1: possible as someone who has done this before who was 481 00:28:41,200 --> 00:28:44,240 Speaker 1: planning on doing it again. Maybe you can, I don't know, 482 00:28:44,360 --> 00:28:46,720 Speaker 1: take something from my experience and feel a little bit 483 00:28:46,800 --> 00:28:49,720 Speaker 1: less scared, a bit more prepared to make this choice. 484 00:28:50,320 --> 00:28:52,280 Speaker 1: So the number one thing that I think we need 485 00:28:52,320 --> 00:28:54,960 Speaker 1: to consider has to do with our social relationships and 486 00:28:55,000 --> 00:28:58,880 Speaker 1: our sense of community. And I think two critical experiences 487 00:28:59,160 --> 00:29:03,280 Speaker 1: that most likely will occur but also come hand in hand, 488 00:29:03,960 --> 00:29:06,880 Speaker 1: is that firstly, we will experience kind of a shedding 489 00:29:07,080 --> 00:29:10,280 Speaker 1: of old relationships, and number two, it's likely that we're 490 00:29:10,320 --> 00:29:12,880 Speaker 1: going to feel a little bit lonely at times. So 491 00:29:13,040 --> 00:29:17,360 Speaker 1: let's tackle that first one. There are a number of relationships, 492 00:29:17,360 --> 00:29:21,480 Speaker 1: particularly friendships, that we sustain because they are convenient or 493 00:29:21,520 --> 00:29:24,480 Speaker 1: out of a sense of obligation. When we move to 494 00:29:24,520 --> 00:29:28,440 Speaker 1: a new city, we really separate the true friends from 495 00:29:28,520 --> 00:29:30,520 Speaker 1: maybe the ones who are just there for the season 496 00:29:31,240 --> 00:29:34,640 Speaker 1: or the moment, maybe because that distance will put a 497 00:29:34,640 --> 00:29:38,120 Speaker 1: strain on a connection, however strong it may be. And 498 00:29:38,280 --> 00:29:41,240 Speaker 1: it also really minimizes that proximity factor that we know 499 00:29:41,400 --> 00:29:44,320 Speaker 1: is important in friendships being close. You know, when I 500 00:29:44,360 --> 00:29:47,440 Speaker 1: moved to Sydney, I think my friendship circle shrunk by 501 00:29:47,440 --> 00:29:51,360 Speaker 1: about half. There are people who I would see really 502 00:29:51,400 --> 00:29:54,720 Speaker 1: frequently back in Canberra who I really haven't spoken to 503 00:29:54,840 --> 00:29:58,120 Speaker 1: since I left, and that is absolutely fine. We you know, 504 00:29:58,160 --> 00:30:01,040 Speaker 1: the distance kind of separated us realized that what it 505 00:30:01,080 --> 00:30:04,680 Speaker 1: really was was convenience and proximity that was keeping us together. 506 00:30:05,360 --> 00:30:08,200 Speaker 1: And it may feel really scary at first, like you've 507 00:30:08,280 --> 00:30:11,600 Speaker 1: kind of suddenly lost all of those connections, but I 508 00:30:11,640 --> 00:30:14,480 Speaker 1: really think that's a natural part of our emotional and 509 00:30:14,520 --> 00:30:18,760 Speaker 1: our social development in our twenties. Anyways, everyone is going 510 00:30:18,880 --> 00:30:20,960 Speaker 1: to go through it, even if they decide to not 511 00:30:21,000 --> 00:30:24,360 Speaker 1: make a change like this. Sometimes we need to shad 512 00:30:24,400 --> 00:30:28,240 Speaker 1: some of those excess connections. What will become apparent though, 513 00:30:28,560 --> 00:30:32,080 Speaker 1: other people who want to stay in your life. And 514 00:30:32,160 --> 00:30:35,360 Speaker 1: I also found that to be a massive experience. The 515 00:30:35,440 --> 00:30:39,160 Speaker 1: people who wanted to see you, who call you regularly, 516 00:30:39,240 --> 00:30:42,520 Speaker 1: who plan trips back and forth, who just send those 517 00:30:42,600 --> 00:30:46,800 Speaker 1: little I'm thinking of you messages, Those are such strong friendships. 518 00:30:46,880 --> 00:30:49,320 Speaker 1: And I think when I moved, it really gave me 519 00:30:49,360 --> 00:30:51,640 Speaker 1: so much comfort that I really had made the right 520 00:30:51,680 --> 00:30:54,800 Speaker 1: decision that the people who really meant the most to 521 00:30:54,880 --> 00:30:59,280 Speaker 1: me would stay. You know, distance in this situation does 522 00:30:59,320 --> 00:31:03,320 Speaker 1: not mean goodbye, but often when we see those relationships 523 00:31:03,400 --> 00:31:06,280 Speaker 1: dropping off, we can be met with a profound sense 524 00:31:06,280 --> 00:31:09,560 Speaker 1: of loneliness, and loneliness is not a dangerous feeling. I 525 00:31:09,560 --> 00:31:12,800 Speaker 1: want us to remember that it's merely our brain telling 526 00:31:12,920 --> 00:31:15,320 Speaker 1: us that it's time to reconnect, the same way that 527 00:31:15,360 --> 00:31:18,960 Speaker 1: we feel hungry or we feel cold. However, I think 528 00:31:18,960 --> 00:31:21,280 Speaker 1: when we feel like there's no way of doing that, 529 00:31:21,280 --> 00:31:25,480 Speaker 1: that is when we can feel most lost. Listen, you're 530 00:31:25,600 --> 00:31:29,520 Speaker 1: going to feel lonely every now and again. Slowly but surely, though, 531 00:31:30,040 --> 00:31:32,280 Speaker 1: you will meet new people and you will build that 532 00:31:32,320 --> 00:31:35,240 Speaker 1: community around you. And I have a few tips as 533 00:31:35,280 --> 00:31:38,600 Speaker 1: to how we can do that. Number one, ask your 534 00:31:38,640 --> 00:31:41,720 Speaker 1: friends if they have any mutuals in the city that 535 00:31:42,000 --> 00:31:44,000 Speaker 1: would be open to kind of meeting you. You know, 536 00:31:44,040 --> 00:31:47,120 Speaker 1: often that's the easiest way to find new people is 537 00:31:47,520 --> 00:31:51,000 Speaker 1: through existing connections and relationships, because if you like your friends, 538 00:31:51,000 --> 00:31:54,240 Speaker 1: which I'm assuming you do, chances are you're going to 539 00:31:54,480 --> 00:31:57,560 Speaker 1: like their friends as well, and you know, kind of 540 00:31:57,600 --> 00:32:00,720 Speaker 1: bonus points if they also know someone who has also 541 00:32:00,840 --> 00:32:03,720 Speaker 1: just moved, because they'll also be looking out for friends 542 00:32:03,840 --> 00:32:07,640 Speaker 1: as well. Number two is to join a local social 543 00:32:07,800 --> 00:32:11,120 Speaker 1: sporting group. Easy made friends. You see them once a week, 544 00:32:11,480 --> 00:32:14,520 Speaker 1: you can go and get beers after you socialize, and 545 00:32:14,680 --> 00:32:17,440 Speaker 1: you know, pretty soon you're revealing your darker secrets. You know, 546 00:32:17,480 --> 00:32:21,080 Speaker 1: I did futsal for a while and then netball. And 547 00:32:21,480 --> 00:32:25,400 Speaker 1: even if these people don't become like your lifelong best friends, 548 00:32:25,960 --> 00:32:30,000 Speaker 1: we know from numerous studies that just having that regular 549 00:32:30,360 --> 00:32:35,680 Speaker 1: social contact helps alleviate loneliness. There's really few feelings worse 550 00:32:35,760 --> 00:32:39,080 Speaker 1: than realizing that you've gone days without speaking to anyone, 551 00:32:39,160 --> 00:32:42,040 Speaker 1: and we really want to avoid that. So if sport 552 00:32:42,200 --> 00:32:44,640 Speaker 1: isn't your thing, I also think that things like art 553 00:32:44,680 --> 00:32:49,000 Speaker 1: classes or pottery classes just somewhere you can go for 554 00:32:49,320 --> 00:32:53,880 Speaker 1: a discreete period of time on a regular schedule. My 555 00:32:54,040 --> 00:32:57,200 Speaker 1: third tip is to try and keep a routine. Go 556 00:32:57,240 --> 00:32:59,120 Speaker 1: to the gym at the same time, go to the 557 00:32:59,240 --> 00:33:02,680 Speaker 1: same caf bars, catch the train at the same time. 558 00:33:03,280 --> 00:33:07,280 Speaker 1: Work from the office as much as possible, because that 559 00:33:07,440 --> 00:33:10,240 Speaker 1: is how you will often encounter the people with the 560 00:33:10,280 --> 00:33:13,520 Speaker 1: same schedule as you and kind of bingo, you have 561 00:33:13,560 --> 00:33:16,160 Speaker 1: something in common, you have something to talk about, you 562 00:33:16,200 --> 00:33:19,880 Speaker 1: see them regularly. It's the easiest way to meet new people. 563 00:33:20,680 --> 00:33:23,120 Speaker 1: A few more tips I would say in that first 564 00:33:23,280 --> 00:33:28,280 Speaker 1: six month period, say yes to absolutely everything, even if 565 00:33:28,320 --> 00:33:32,200 Speaker 1: you think that it's not your cup of tea. Join BUMBLEBFF, 566 00:33:32,520 --> 00:33:36,160 Speaker 1: That is also a really big help when we're in 567 00:33:36,200 --> 00:33:41,600 Speaker 1: a new city and whatever you do, do not date 568 00:33:41,840 --> 00:33:44,960 Speaker 1: within the first six months. You can go on the 569 00:33:45,000 --> 00:33:47,360 Speaker 1: casual date, you can have a hookup, but finding a 570 00:33:47,400 --> 00:33:50,880 Speaker 1: committed partner during this time is not going to do 571 00:33:50,920 --> 00:33:53,160 Speaker 1: you any good. And although it might feel nice to 572 00:33:53,200 --> 00:33:55,680 Speaker 1: have someone you can rely on, I think it will 573 00:33:55,840 --> 00:33:59,760 Speaker 1: most likely leave you feeling isolated because you don't build 574 00:33:59,800 --> 00:34:03,240 Speaker 1: those connections for yourself. I actually spoke to this girl 575 00:34:03,280 --> 00:34:05,400 Speaker 1: the other day who had just moved to Sydney and 576 00:34:06,240 --> 00:34:09,080 Speaker 1: she had started dating someone like a month into being here, 577 00:34:09,120 --> 00:34:13,120 Speaker 1: and eight months later they broke up, but because all 578 00:34:13,160 --> 00:34:16,320 Speaker 1: of her friends were his friends, she essentially had to 579 00:34:16,360 --> 00:34:19,279 Speaker 1: start from scratch. So I think it's your time to 580 00:34:19,320 --> 00:34:22,520 Speaker 1: feel a little bit scared, to feel independent and fly solo, 581 00:34:23,239 --> 00:34:25,880 Speaker 1: even if that leaves you feeling a little bit lonely 582 00:34:26,239 --> 00:34:29,319 Speaker 1: at times, to not just jump into a new relationship 583 00:34:29,320 --> 00:34:31,960 Speaker 1: for that sense of comfort. The other major factor is, 584 00:34:31,960 --> 00:34:36,000 Speaker 1: of course, living situation. I don't know about you guys, 585 00:34:36,080 --> 00:34:39,759 Speaker 1: but every city around Australia right now is facing a 586 00:34:40,280 --> 00:34:45,040 Speaker 1: massive rental shortage and landlords has just taking advantage of 587 00:34:45,040 --> 00:34:48,680 Speaker 1: that like crazy. Like I've seen friends have rental increases 588 00:34:48,680 --> 00:34:51,640 Speaker 1: of upwards of like two hundred dollars a week like each, 589 00:34:52,040 --> 00:34:54,840 Speaker 1: so the cost of living and finding a place to 590 00:34:54,920 --> 00:34:57,600 Speaker 1: live is going to be difficult. I think it can 591 00:34:57,640 --> 00:35:02,360 Speaker 1: be hard to feel settled if you feel uncomfortable or 592 00:35:02,440 --> 00:35:05,960 Speaker 1: uncertain in your housing situation, because like we said before, 593 00:35:06,600 --> 00:35:09,879 Speaker 1: that security is one of our foundational needs. That here 594 00:35:09,880 --> 00:35:11,600 Speaker 1: are some of the tips that you can bring with 595 00:35:11,640 --> 00:35:14,920 Speaker 1: you if you want to give yourself some time to 596 00:35:14,960 --> 00:35:17,040 Speaker 1: find a place that you really love that is in 597 00:35:17,080 --> 00:35:21,080 Speaker 1: your budget. I would totally suggest house sitting for the 598 00:35:21,080 --> 00:35:24,680 Speaker 1: first month whilst you find your feet. Often that also 599 00:35:24,800 --> 00:35:28,720 Speaker 1: means you get free accommodations, so good for saving money 600 00:35:29,239 --> 00:35:34,680 Speaker 1: and you can actually take your time to find something perfect. Secondly, 601 00:35:34,960 --> 00:35:38,440 Speaker 1: share housing is kind of amazing for these situations because, 602 00:35:38,960 --> 00:35:43,400 Speaker 1: based on your luck with roommates, you basically have inbuilt 603 00:35:43,440 --> 00:35:47,840 Speaker 1: friends from the moment you move, and they typically already 604 00:35:47,880 --> 00:35:51,000 Speaker 1: have community that you can kind of access or slot 605 00:35:51,080 --> 00:35:54,200 Speaker 1: right into. Also, it's likely to be cheaper, and I 606 00:35:54,360 --> 00:35:57,759 Speaker 1: know that living alone is so nice, but it's also 607 00:35:57,760 --> 00:35:59,879 Speaker 1: a bit of a luxury, and sometimes I do think 608 00:36:00,040 --> 00:36:03,040 Speaker 1: that it can isolate us further when we come home 609 00:36:03,040 --> 00:36:05,120 Speaker 1: from a long day at work and we kind of 610 00:36:05,160 --> 00:36:08,960 Speaker 1: only have our bed or our TV to comfort us. 611 00:36:09,440 --> 00:36:12,680 Speaker 1: It's not for everyone, but literally two of my housemates 612 00:36:12,680 --> 00:36:14,960 Speaker 1: we met on Facebook. They had just moved to the 613 00:36:15,000 --> 00:36:18,280 Speaker 1: city and their legends and already they kind of feel 614 00:36:18,320 --> 00:36:21,200 Speaker 1: like part of the family. Also, around some of that 615 00:36:21,239 --> 00:36:26,120 Speaker 1: financial uncertainty, I think moving is inevitably going to cost 616 00:36:26,160 --> 00:36:29,160 Speaker 1: you some money. There is no way around that, especially 617 00:36:29,239 --> 00:36:34,000 Speaker 1: if you're moving overseas. Things like visas, passport fees, extra luggage, 618 00:36:34,680 --> 00:36:38,239 Speaker 1: it adds up. Obviously, financial anxiety can be a really 619 00:36:38,280 --> 00:36:42,400 Speaker 1: significant stressor that interrupts the excitement of the experience. And 620 00:36:42,440 --> 00:36:44,239 Speaker 1: we did a whole episode on this about a year 621 00:36:44,280 --> 00:36:48,000 Speaker 1: ago about how stress around money can really manifest in 622 00:36:48,040 --> 00:36:52,200 Speaker 1: our mental and emotional experiences. But basically, I would say, 623 00:36:52,239 --> 00:36:56,040 Speaker 1: before you move, try and have enough money saved up 624 00:36:56,080 --> 00:37:01,239 Speaker 1: that you could feasibly cover three months of living expense generously. 625 00:37:01,840 --> 00:37:04,240 Speaker 1: Kind of see that fund not as an emergency fund, 626 00:37:04,239 --> 00:37:07,040 Speaker 1: but as a solution fund if things don't work out 627 00:37:07,080 --> 00:37:10,160 Speaker 1: as planned, if the job hunt or the house hunt 628 00:37:10,200 --> 00:37:13,239 Speaker 1: is a bit harder than you expected. At least in 629 00:37:13,280 --> 00:37:16,799 Speaker 1: that situation, you're not needing to stress from day one, 630 00:37:16,880 --> 00:37:19,160 Speaker 1: from the moment you get off the plane, you have 631 00:37:19,200 --> 00:37:21,680 Speaker 1: a bit of time, a bit of a buffer to 632 00:37:21,760 --> 00:37:24,920 Speaker 1: really sort everything out. My goodness, this is kind of 633 00:37:24,920 --> 00:37:28,200 Speaker 1: turning into a financial podcast rather than a psychology podcast. 634 00:37:28,280 --> 00:37:31,480 Speaker 1: I did not see that happening. But I think, returning 635 00:37:31,520 --> 00:37:35,239 Speaker 1: to that first point, my final piece of advice is 636 00:37:35,280 --> 00:37:39,000 Speaker 1: to just give it time. This is such an exciting 637 00:37:39,120 --> 00:37:41,440 Speaker 1: chapter in your life. I am excited for you if 638 00:37:41,440 --> 00:37:44,719 Speaker 1: this is a choice that you're making. But also it's 639 00:37:44,800 --> 00:37:47,839 Speaker 1: not just the good, exciting bits that are important. It's 640 00:37:47,880 --> 00:37:52,359 Speaker 1: also about the spectrum of emotions, the frustration, the loneliness, 641 00:37:52,440 --> 00:37:56,880 Speaker 1: the fear, the displacement. Not every experience has to be 642 00:37:56,920 --> 00:38:00,960 Speaker 1: a good experience, and not every experience has to make 643 00:38:01,040 --> 00:38:04,960 Speaker 1: you stronger. But I do think that they bring dimension 644 00:38:05,080 --> 00:38:08,000 Speaker 1: into your life, and also they bring you more to 645 00:38:08,040 --> 00:38:11,400 Speaker 1: your personality, more to your personhood. What kind of people 646 00:38:11,440 --> 00:38:14,680 Speaker 1: would we be if we never challenged ourselves, if we 647 00:38:14,680 --> 00:38:18,080 Speaker 1: were never able to kind of take a chance, never 648 00:38:18,200 --> 00:38:21,719 Speaker 1: just kind of took that leap of faith and did 649 00:38:21,719 --> 00:38:24,400 Speaker 1: it because we wanted to, because that is the future 650 00:38:24,440 --> 00:38:28,000 Speaker 1: that we wanted to create for ourselves. I just really 651 00:38:28,040 --> 00:38:30,960 Speaker 1: truly think that if you have this opportunity. It is 652 00:38:31,000 --> 00:38:34,920 Speaker 1: such a transformative experience, and hopefully I have given you 653 00:38:35,040 --> 00:38:39,560 Speaker 1: some sufficient evidence to consider it, but also some of 654 00:38:39,600 --> 00:38:43,000 Speaker 1: the ways that you can make that transition easier. Honestly, 655 00:38:43,160 --> 00:38:46,120 Speaker 1: from all the comments I've received, there has not been 656 00:38:46,880 --> 00:38:50,840 Speaker 1: a single person who has regretted this decision. So I 657 00:38:50,880 --> 00:38:53,680 Speaker 1: would say, if we're looking to make the most out 658 00:38:53,680 --> 00:38:57,719 Speaker 1: of this decade moving, you know, putting ourselves in that 659 00:38:57,760 --> 00:39:01,600 Speaker 1: new environment, exploring a new city, that seems like a 660 00:39:01,640 --> 00:39:05,719 Speaker 1: pretty strong contender to help us. Really, I think make 661 00:39:05,760 --> 00:39:08,839 Speaker 1: the most out of everything that our twenties has to offer. 662 00:39:09,080 --> 00:39:12,480 Speaker 1: So I really hope that you enjoyed this episode. I 663 00:39:12,560 --> 00:39:15,960 Speaker 1: certainly did. Honestly, some of the research was really validating 664 00:39:16,000 --> 00:39:19,040 Speaker 1: for me, given that this is a decision that I'm 665 00:39:19,080 --> 00:39:21,279 Speaker 1: also looking to make, so we are in the same boat, 666 00:39:21,360 --> 00:39:24,960 Speaker 1: that is for sure. As always, if you enjoyed this episode, 667 00:39:25,000 --> 00:39:27,680 Speaker 1: please feel free to share it with a friend, a 668 00:39:27,719 --> 00:39:31,600 Speaker 1: loved one, a family member, a coworker who you think 669 00:39:31,880 --> 00:39:35,040 Speaker 1: might need to hear this episode, and leave us a 670 00:39:35,080 --> 00:39:38,000 Speaker 1: five star review on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, wherever you are 671 00:39:38,040 --> 00:39:40,960 Speaker 1: listening right now. It really does help the show to 672 00:39:41,000 --> 00:39:44,080 Speaker 1: grow and reach new people. We also have a Patreon, 673 00:39:44,320 --> 00:39:46,520 Speaker 1: and if you like my content and if you want 674 00:39:46,520 --> 00:39:49,960 Speaker 1: to support me further, It really is just me doing 675 00:39:50,480 --> 00:39:53,480 Speaker 1: this show and it's a lot of work. I obviously 676 00:39:53,800 --> 00:39:57,400 Speaker 1: love it dearly, but if you want to get more content, 677 00:39:57,800 --> 00:40:02,279 Speaker 1: bonus episodes, behind the scenes content as well, please feel 678 00:40:02,280 --> 00:40:04,880 Speaker 1: free to join our patreon to have access to that 679 00:40:05,080 --> 00:40:08,080 Speaker 1: and episode suggestions you can direct them to me on 680 00:40:08,200 --> 00:40:12,200 Speaker 1: Instagram at that Psychology Podcast. This is a fun episode. 681 00:40:12,239 --> 00:40:14,600 Speaker 1: I really hope you enjoyed it. I definitely did, and 682 00:40:14,640 --> 00:40:23,400 Speaker 1: we will be back next week with another episode.