WEBVTT - Why Bitches Bitch 0:00:02.080 --> 0:00:10.760 Welcome to J dot L, a production of iHeartRadio. Well 0:00:10.800 --> 0:00:19.880 hilarusy here here, Hi, everybody, Welcome back to J dot 0:00:20.040 --> 0:00:23.040 L the podcast. I'm here with my sister friends. You 0:00:23.120 --> 0:00:29.320 know him La Saint Clair. That's how I felt, I 0:00:29.360 --> 0:00:33.800 don't know Adria Graydon Dansler were starting with o's okay, 0:00:33.840 --> 0:00:41.879 how about this one? Oh oh oh no, that was 0:00:42.440 --> 0:00:46.280 Johnny Gil. I couldn't get the right note at the beginning. 0:00:46.320 --> 0:00:48.240 But we're working out. Y'all knew what I was saying, 0:00:48.560 --> 0:00:49.879 don't you know? If you know? 0:00:49.960 --> 0:00:50.279 You know? 0:00:50.560 --> 0:00:59.000 Anyway? Hell and oh, this is Jill Scott and I'm 0:00:59.040 --> 0:01:02.040 sitting here with my sister friends. You always wonder like 0:01:02.160 --> 0:01:05.280 why is it that we don't why is it that 0:01:05.400 --> 0:01:09.640 we don't have a video. Well, currently I'm sitting here 0:01:10.280 --> 0:01:13.400 taking my braids out, preparing for what I got to 0:01:13.440 --> 0:01:17.400 do next, Hunty, and I was thinking about that moment, 0:01:17.480 --> 0:01:19.800 that black girl moment when you cut your braid too 0:01:19.840 --> 0:01:23.000 short and end up cutting your own damn hair. Oh lord, 0:01:23.600 --> 0:01:30.600 I told you, I'm I'm I'm ridiculous. Cut below shoulder 0:01:30.959 --> 0:01:33.920 all at all times. I know not that long. I 0:01:33.959 --> 0:01:36.600 know it has not under any circumstances grown that long. 0:01:37.080 --> 0:01:39.319 But I just I do it anyway, do you. 0:01:39.760 --> 0:01:40.759 It's for the potential. 0:01:40.800 --> 0:01:41.640 You're in a low Asian. 0:01:41.720 --> 0:01:44.440 We all do it. It's like maybe I had a growth. 0:01:44.600 --> 0:01:49.200 Maybe I had a grocer first. It's the delusion for me, 0:01:49.640 --> 0:01:51.520 don't want to cut my hair. 0:01:51.840 --> 0:01:52.040 Right. 0:01:53.040 --> 0:01:56.520 Looking at your hair and it is long. I see 0:01:56.520 --> 0:01:58.920 where you've cut the braid right, yeah, And I see 0:01:58.920 --> 0:02:02.360 where your hair is, and I understand, yes, you're you 0:02:02.560 --> 0:02:05.840 have you got it like you know the right one. Girl, 0:02:05.880 --> 0:02:06.320 It's not. 0:02:06.240 --> 0:02:08.600 Going shorter than a bob. I'm not cutting this shorter 0:02:08.639 --> 0:02:09.080 than a bob. 0:02:09.240 --> 0:02:12.360 Go to the We've all made that mistake at some 0:02:12.480 --> 0:02:15.359 point and cut the cut the wrong length. That a 0:02:15.440 --> 0:02:21.760 ruiny day because the style that you have underneath your 0:02:21.760 --> 0:02:25.320 braids now no longer works because you've got a whole 0:02:25.400 --> 0:02:31.440 chunk cut out and what was right ain't Yeah, I protected, it. 0:02:31.440 --> 0:02:33.560 Was protected style. I don't feel protected. 0:02:34.280 --> 0:02:38.680 I feel I feel yeah. So you've got to take 0:02:38.720 --> 0:02:42.960 precautions not to do these things to yourself. You don't 0:02:42.960 --> 0:02:45.480 want is to have a full day of being a 0:02:45.520 --> 0:02:46.600 bitch ass bench. 0:02:47.200 --> 0:02:50.239 I said it. 0:02:50.639 --> 0:02:57.399 A whole day just being because it's a good reasoning 0:02:57.440 --> 0:03:02.519 that happened to you, I don't know all bitch. 0:03:03.960 --> 0:03:08.520 Today we're going to talk about why these bites? When 0:03:08.680 --> 0:03:13.760 is it? Why that that the break too short? What's 0:03:13.800 --> 0:03:14.440 your problem? 0:03:14.600 --> 0:03:14.720 Sir? 0:03:15.240 --> 0:03:16.200 Well, what's up with you? 0:03:16.680 --> 0:03:18.160 All of it? 0:03:18.240 --> 0:03:22.320 Is it really up to us to understand it ain't 0:03:22.320 --> 0:03:26.600 always our fault. I'm not saying yeah, of course, it's 0:03:26.639 --> 0:03:31.640 not always or even sometimes our fault at all. But 0:03:31.760 --> 0:03:42.240 sometimes something happens, whether it's external, sometimes it's internal that 0:03:42.280 --> 0:03:44.920 messes us up. And all of a sudden, we're walking 0:03:44.960 --> 0:03:49.240 around with this bitch ass attitude. And when I say that, 0:03:49.280 --> 0:03:52.600 like I know, people like, hey, that's not the one, 0:03:52.680 --> 0:03:57.200 that's not her, that's not her. Talk about her, we 0:03:57.280 --> 0:04:00.680 love her. We talk about with the hefty bee ooh 0:04:01.320 --> 0:04:08.400 it talking about about that nasty attitude and that confrontational 0:04:08.560 --> 0:04:12.520 spirit that just want to you know, bark huh, you 0:04:12.560 --> 0:04:15.760 see it, you see it? You want to bark anything 0:04:15.880 --> 0:04:19.240 and anybody stank when you be in your joy and 0:04:19.279 --> 0:04:21.080 it triggered you and you be like what. 0:04:22.520 --> 0:04:22.760 Right? 0:04:23.920 --> 0:04:26.200 Like that you have to check yourself because you don't 0:04:26.240 --> 0:04:28.000 be used to it. You be moving through the work, 0:04:28.160 --> 0:04:29.520 You're like, wait a minute, hold up, did she. 0:04:31.480 --> 0:04:32.360 Steal my energy? 0:04:32.400 --> 0:04:33.640 And my joy, bitch down. 0:04:34.720 --> 0:04:38.240 It's a talent. That's a talent that's not the loving hat. No, 0:04:38.320 --> 0:04:41.599 it's not that. It's that it's that other energy. And 0:04:41.839 --> 0:04:45.680 you know, some people definitely act like it doesn't exist. 0:04:46.000 --> 0:04:48.360 I don't know how that works because they out here. 0:04:49.200 --> 0:04:51.720 I've had my moments. Anybody else have the moments where 0:04:51.720 --> 0:04:54.680 you're like, oh, I'm being a whole bitch right now. Yes, 0:04:55.400 --> 0:04:58.080 I definitely have those moments. But guess what I do? 0:04:59.120 --> 0:05:01.719 I shut down? Well, see, I've had a moment where 0:05:01.720 --> 0:05:03.800 I can I get outside of myself and I can 0:05:03.880 --> 0:05:08.000 actually see and I'm like, oh wow. And you know 0:05:08.040 --> 0:05:10.599 how you emotionally have a moment where you outside yourself 0:05:10.600 --> 0:05:13.760 and you actually see yourself being wild and you can't 0:05:13.839 --> 0:05:18.520 stop it, and you be like, oh wow, I'm I'm wilding, 0:05:19.000 --> 0:05:21.400 Like you see yourself going down the road and you're like, 0:05:21.480 --> 0:05:24.480 I'm wild I can't myself you know what I'm saying. 0:05:24.600 --> 0:05:26.680 You know how that that lyric and time after time 0:05:26.800 --> 0:05:29.479 she says, I see you when you're walking too far ahead. 0:05:29.560 --> 0:05:31.599 It's like you can see your own self walking way 0:05:31.600 --> 0:05:33.719 too far ahead, and you're just like I can't stop her. 0:05:34.080 --> 0:05:35.760 She's gone you're just gonna. 0:05:35.600 --> 0:05:37.360 Have to do the apology tour. That's what I do. 0:05:37.400 --> 0:05:40.400 I'll come back the apology ter er. I'll be like i'd 0:05:40.440 --> 0:05:42.200 have done that a couple of times, like I'm did 0:05:42.240 --> 0:05:43.680 I because you know I didn't mean? 0:05:43.960 --> 0:05:46.159 And then I'm sorry, I don't. I don't know where 0:05:46.160 --> 0:05:46.800 that came from. 0:05:47.760 --> 0:05:50.000 This is this is the good part about growing up, 0:05:50.120 --> 0:05:53.640 you know, as the only child. Oh, because this is 0:05:53.680 --> 0:05:57.080 where I separate myself. I'm like, Okay, nobody needs this, 0:05:58.160 --> 0:06:00.400 then nobody needs this. If I can just shut down, 0:06:00.880 --> 0:06:02.279 you know what I mean, if I can put these 0:06:02.320 --> 0:06:05.480 headphones on or this is these earbuds, if I can, 0:06:05.720 --> 0:06:09.800 you know, I isolate myself because I can't make any promises. 0:06:09.960 --> 0:06:12.599 Today is not the day. I'm not having a good one. 0:06:12.839 --> 0:06:17.480 And nobody wants to hear, you know, especially a stranger 0:06:17.640 --> 0:06:19.440 or somebody driving next to you. They don't want to 0:06:19.480 --> 0:06:23.160 hear what happened. They don't want to hear what happened. 0:06:23.360 --> 0:06:26.000 They all they know is that right now this bitch 0:06:26.839 --> 0:06:30.400 is wilding or being I haven't been alone in twenty 0:06:30.400 --> 0:06:31.040 five years. 0:06:32.520 --> 0:06:35.960 Agent don't be believing, Jill, what you mean. That ain't true. 0:06:36.120 --> 0:06:39.119 That ain't true. What but I'm like what you just said, Okay, 0:06:39.279 --> 0:06:40.560 the only child, the only child. 0:06:40.760 --> 0:06:44.960 Wow, it is admirable somehow that bitch will seep out 0:06:45.320 --> 0:06:47.919 in places around people that you just you can't help it. 0:06:47.960 --> 0:06:48.720 And this is Jill. 0:06:49.200 --> 0:06:50.880 So what she's trying to say to me and you 0:06:51.040 --> 0:06:53.800 aga is is that ain't nobody ever really seeing her? 0:06:53.880 --> 0:06:56.040 Bitch nigat all? 0:06:57.680 --> 0:07:02.040 You said this only child go inside, put her headphones on. 0:07:02.160 --> 0:07:04.000 You know, she tried to go and because she don't 0:07:04.000 --> 0:07:06.440 want nobody to see this, because you know I don't. 0:07:06.480 --> 0:07:07.840 It's not so much I don't want you to see it. 0:07:07.839 --> 0:07:09.840 I don't just want you to experience Oh. 0:07:09.760 --> 0:07:11.360 Yeah, because okay, I don't. 0:07:11.160 --> 0:07:14.160 Want you to experience it because I know it's primarily 0:07:14.200 --> 0:07:16.520 it's my inner shit. I don't have anything to do 0:07:16.600 --> 0:07:19.440 with you. I might have just got my cycle today. 0:07:20.120 --> 0:07:24.040 You know what I'm saying today, And that's not it's 0:07:24.120 --> 0:07:28.800 not an excuse, it's a real it's factual. I'm hurting. 0:07:30.440 --> 0:07:32.520 My downwards are hurting. 0:07:33.320 --> 0:07:33.520 You know. 0:07:33.800 --> 0:07:40.160 I'm hot, I'm agitated, my my stuff, that stuff on 0:07:40.200 --> 0:07:44.520 me that's swollen for mysel I'm bloated, like I don't 0:07:44.600 --> 0:07:49.960 feel like being pleasant. I'm mad, I'm agitated. What I'm 0:07:49.960 --> 0:07:52.440 taking away from what you're saying is that it's like 0:07:52.560 --> 0:07:55.760 having an understanding of what's going on with you and 0:07:55.800 --> 0:07:59.280 then taking that space for yourself is like the number 0:07:59.320 --> 0:08:03.360 one issue around even controlling your own bitchiness. And then 0:08:03.880 --> 0:08:06.680 you know, and then it informs kind of the way 0:08:06.720 --> 0:08:09.480 that you receive someone else's But let's not talk about 0:08:09.480 --> 0:08:12.240 someone else's in this point. My point is that that 0:08:12.400 --> 0:08:15.160 self awareness bit is really good, and at this age, 0:08:16.000 --> 0:08:19.480 very easily we can switch from being it could be 0:08:19.520 --> 0:08:22.160 on the first day of your period and then before 0:08:22.200 --> 0:08:25.880 you know it, it's it's the start of the last days. 0:08:26.840 --> 0:08:29.760 Oh boy, the last days of the last days of 0:08:29.840 --> 0:08:31.000 said period. 0:08:31.920 --> 0:08:35.920 Because let's do and then you don't have that self 0:08:35.920 --> 0:08:39.800 awareness because that that that them last days sneak up 0:08:39.840 --> 0:08:40.080 on the. 0:08:45.320 --> 0:08:47.280 We're gonna take a quick break and then we'll be 0:08:47.360 --> 0:08:47.840 right back. 0:08:58.240 --> 0:08:59.960 It takes us to a certain point in our life 0:09:00.160 --> 0:09:02.600 to even understand how to navigate around the PMS. 0:09:02.640 --> 0:09:03.600 I don't know about y'all, but. 0:09:03.559 --> 0:09:06.160 I started playing things like now that we have apps, 0:09:06.240 --> 0:09:08.400 I'd be like, Okay, I'm not gonna make these decisions 0:09:08.400 --> 0:09:10.400 because I know I'm gonna be in PMS or I 0:09:10.400 --> 0:09:13.080 ain't gonna really tap too many passionate conversations with him 0:09:13.320 --> 0:09:16.000 because I know where I am right. But right when 0:09:16.000 --> 0:09:18.240 you get to that point and you start to understand it, 0:09:18.320 --> 0:09:25.160 you can, you know, maneuver around it. Forty five, I'm 0:09:25.200 --> 0:09:30.839 just telling I didn't turn forty five in January. 0:09:30.960 --> 0:09:31.200 Bitch. 0:09:31.240 --> 0:09:34.240 I ain't seen my periods as February child, I don't 0:09:34.320 --> 0:09:35.880 know what is going the fuck. 0:09:36.280 --> 0:09:37.000 Let me tell you something. 0:09:37.040 --> 0:09:40.240 When you don't know when your period is coming, you. 0:09:40.200 --> 0:09:44.480 Want to talk about the emotions and the confusions. 0:09:44.840 --> 0:09:46.240 About my whole life. 0:09:46.800 --> 0:09:48.480 Seriously, Jill, what's you're talking about? 0:09:48.559 --> 0:09:55.720 What you jonas? My period disappeared when I was about fourteen, 0:09:56.000 --> 0:09:59.360 We talked about it. We stay away until I was 0:09:59.400 --> 0:10:04.080 thirty three. Okay, occasionally like one too every now and then, 0:10:04.320 --> 0:10:06.119 but it just it just disappeared. 0:10:06.200 --> 0:10:09.280 But is it different now now? Is your quadunari right now? 0:10:10.240 --> 0:10:12.640 Es quaternarian? 0:10:12.800 --> 0:10:14.480 Yes? What that? 0:10:14.520 --> 0:10:15.320 What that looking like? 0:10:15.800 --> 0:10:19.160 I'm not experiencing some of the things that my peers. 0:10:18.840 --> 0:10:21.400 Are because you did it earlier, That's. 0:10:21.240 --> 0:10:30.120 What I'm saying. I feel most of my life that's crazy. 0:10:30.440 --> 0:10:34.120 That's what I think. Like my home, it's always been 0:10:34.559 --> 0:10:37.360 you know, Iffy, you know what's been really interesting, you know, 0:10:37.400 --> 0:10:42.920 would be really interesting as scientific scientific level, medical biological level, 0:10:43.280 --> 0:10:46.560 is that, like so Amber sent us some really awesome 0:10:46.679 --> 0:10:49.400 articles about paramento pause, and one of the main things 0:10:49.400 --> 0:10:52.120 they talked about is like the switching of the different hormones, 0:10:52.559 --> 0:10:56.000 Like you're kind of wired hormonially during a certain period 0:10:56.040 --> 0:11:00.400 of your time to be a giver to mother, whether 0:11:00.400 --> 0:11:03.320 you choose to mother or not, right that you're kind 0:11:03.320 --> 0:11:06.600 of wired that way hormonally to prepare for something like that, 0:11:06.720 --> 0:11:09.280 for this like optimum time to mother, which is interesting 0:11:09.480 --> 0:11:12.560 a story about that later. But and then as you 0:11:12.600 --> 0:11:15.680 go into perimenopause, you have a different kind of hormone 0:11:15.720 --> 0:11:18.079 and it's a specific hormone which they call the queen hormone. 0:11:18.120 --> 0:11:19.720 That's just like a nickname for it. Don't get me 0:11:19.760 --> 0:11:22.480 into what it's actually really called. And then you you 0:11:22.679 --> 0:11:25.880 kind of turn in word and start thinking more about yourself. Now, 0:11:26.040 --> 0:11:28.880 what I would love to see is that this time 0:11:28.920 --> 0:11:33.440 has passed already. But my curiosity, my geek curiosity, wonders, 0:11:33.840 --> 0:11:36.760 at the time that you weren't having your period, what 0:11:36.960 --> 0:11:41.640 type of hormones were you experience? Were you experiencing these 0:11:41.760 --> 0:11:46.840 highly giver mother hormones regardless of not having you know, 0:11:46.920 --> 0:11:50.720 having had the actual period happening, or were you always 0:11:50.800 --> 0:11:54.439 experiencing the queen hormone? 0:11:54.480 --> 0:11:57.240 Your bitch factor is that shit is crazy, your bitch 0:11:57.240 --> 0:12:01.000 factor everywhere de'll night if you I'm. 0:12:00.840 --> 0:12:03.240 Just I'm not saying, kurrent you know what I'm saying. 0:12:03.240 --> 0:12:05.720 But it started like if that's the case, what Asia 0:12:05.840 --> 0:12:07.920 is saying, like, yeah, your shit. 0:12:07.800 --> 0:12:08.319 Is all. 0:12:10.320 --> 0:12:13.800 Saying it could have been here. Here's the key if 0:12:13.840 --> 0:12:19.000 we are if we are correlating bitch behavior with queen behavior, see, 0:12:19.040 --> 0:12:23.400 let's get into it is bitch behavior actually just behavior 0:12:23.400 --> 0:12:29.200 that prioritizes the self, because that is what queen queen 0:12:29.520 --> 0:12:32.880 behavior is. Right he said, well according to this nickname 0:12:32.920 --> 0:12:35.640 of this hormone. Right, So, how many people can relate 0:12:35.679 --> 0:12:38.920 to the fact that, Okay, over forty you start maybe 0:12:39.080 --> 0:12:44.480 getting creative, taking like a war class, yeah, traveling more, 0:12:44.559 --> 0:12:47.920 getting less attentive to like the needs of your family, 0:12:47.960 --> 0:12:50.040 and starting to think more of yourself, which is not 0:12:50.360 --> 0:12:51.240 a negative thing. 0:12:51.480 --> 0:12:51.680 Right. 0:12:52.440 --> 0:12:56.200 So our perception of bitch behavior because it can be 0:12:56.440 --> 0:13:01.600 very anti towards what society says women should be, which 0:13:01.640 --> 0:13:04.800 is nurturing at all times, right, and so that that 0:13:04.920 --> 0:13:08.600 bitch behavior could not necessarily be negative. It could just 0:13:08.640 --> 0:13:12.120 be that we are socialized and we are indoctrinated into 0:13:12.160 --> 0:13:14.959 believing that women should behave in this way that's kind 0:13:15.000 --> 0:13:18.800 and nurturing and welcoming all the time, and when we don't, 0:13:18.960 --> 0:13:21.160 it's it's you know, it's it's an affront. Y'all. 0:13:21.200 --> 0:13:22.280 Asia just broke it down. 0:13:22.320 --> 0:13:24.320 She just said, some man created the word bitch and 0:13:24.320 --> 0:13:25.040 told us what it was. 0:13:25.120 --> 0:13:26.240 Yes, she did. Did you hear that? 0:13:26.320 --> 0:13:26.720 I heard it? 0:13:26.760 --> 0:13:28.640 Did you say that I did? 0:13:28.840 --> 0:13:31.800 She said? It makes sense, It makes sense. And here 0:13:31.840 --> 0:13:34.840 we are judging one another, having these interactions in which 0:13:34.880 --> 0:13:37.800 we decide who we are as people based on what 0:13:38.040 --> 0:13:40.920 a standard of what. Ooh, I haven't said it. I 0:13:40.960 --> 0:13:46.800 haven't said it alone, weird girl. I can feel it 0:13:46.840 --> 0:13:50.720 coming up through my toes, up to my chest, through 0:13:50.760 --> 0:13:53.920 my throat and through my lips, through my throat. Oh, 0:13:54.280 --> 0:14:01.719 white supremacy. So what you're saying, I did this? You 0:14:01.800 --> 0:14:06.959 know this is partially biological? Yeah, that we have this 0:14:07.200 --> 0:14:12.280 hormone initially because we're fertile and young and we are 0:14:12.559 --> 0:14:15.800 our bodies know that it's time to you know, make 0:14:15.880 --> 0:14:19.640 babies that you that you have that nesting period where 0:14:19.640 --> 0:14:22.720 you settle down. Yeah, you know all of these things. 0:14:23.480 --> 0:14:26.080 And once you hit a certain age when you're going 0:14:26.680 --> 0:14:29.360 you know, when you hit forty five or so, you know, 0:14:29.560 --> 0:14:33.440 you've got a queen hormone which no longer focuses on 0:14:34.520 --> 0:14:37.120 family and having children, like you said, and you know, 0:14:37.240 --> 0:14:41.280 because your kids are primarily grown or older, so they 0:14:41.320 --> 0:14:44.800 don't need as much, you know, that kind of thing. 0:14:44.920 --> 0:14:49.720 So now, but you've got this yeah, I mean, I'm sorry, it. 0:14:49.920 --> 0:14:50.720 Isn't an a pause. 0:14:51.080 --> 0:14:55.480 That's that's us like losing estrogen, right, like our testosterone. 0:14:55.920 --> 0:14:57.680 So I don't know, y'all, isn't this kind. 0:14:57.600 --> 0:15:00.680 Of some testosterone and estrogen. We have a lot of 0:15:00.760 --> 0:15:05.320 boats in the first you know, earlier stages, right. 0:15:05.720 --> 0:15:08.360 And so it's interesting because I'm just thinking of it 0:15:08.400 --> 0:15:10.120 from a male perspective because I'm like, okay, so we 0:15:10.200 --> 0:15:14.560 start growing hair in places that men may grow hair, 0:15:16.800 --> 0:15:19.040 and this is just the cons I'm sure there's some 0:15:19.080 --> 0:15:21.200 beautiful queen pros, but I was just thinking about the 0:15:21.360 --> 0:15:23.280 likeliness to men. 0:15:23.280 --> 0:15:23.720 In that way. 0:15:26.600 --> 0:15:27.840 I wonder what happens to them. 0:15:28.760 --> 0:15:31.160 It's like, are we getting some of their traits as 0:15:31.240 --> 0:15:35.600 we begin to mmm, that's what it made me think 0:15:35.640 --> 0:15:37.600 of in a way, right, It's like, not only are 0:15:37.680 --> 0:15:44.480 things changing hair, places, mouth, chest, chin, this is happening. 0:15:45.000 --> 0:15:47.760 As that's happening, we're starting to care more about ourselves. 0:15:47.800 --> 0:15:50.280 You're saying like men, I'm I'm not saying. 0:15:50.160 --> 0:15:55.120 Oh man, but I'm just saying, like, I mean, this 0:15:55.280 --> 0:15:59.480 is an interesting conversation about biology versus social you know, 0:16:00.080 --> 0:16:03.600 you know, like what parts are part of our social 0:16:03.680 --> 0:16:07.040 understanding of ourselves and our behavior, and what is like 0:16:07.200 --> 0:16:11.560 really a biological you know thing, because really we're all women, 0:16:11.600 --> 0:16:13.720 and we all have a different experience. And Jill herself, 0:16:13.760 --> 0:16:16.920 who's a human being and identifies us as a woman, 0:16:17.600 --> 0:16:22.920 was born with with female genitalia, had a completely different 0:16:23.080 --> 0:16:26.720 experience in life as it pertains to those parts of 0:16:26.800 --> 0:16:32.040 her body. And who's to say also too, I'm sure 0:16:32.120 --> 0:16:35.880 maybe I'm not. I mean, I never I never said 0:16:35.960 --> 0:16:39.480 that out loud to a group of people, you know 0:16:39.520 --> 0:16:42.200 what I mean, anybody that's listening. It's not like I'm like, yeah, 0:16:42.240 --> 0:16:46.360 I didn't get my period for years and years, you know. 0:16:46.360 --> 0:16:46.720 I didn't. 0:16:46.840 --> 0:16:51.360 I didn't say that to anybody, So maybe I'm not 0:16:51.520 --> 0:16:56.640 the only person or of women who you know at 0:16:56.680 --> 0:16:58.880 some point they're cycle went away. I just thought it 0:16:58.960 --> 0:17:02.080 was interesting that that's what I prayed for and that's 0:17:02.120 --> 0:17:02.680 what I got. 0:17:04.320 --> 0:17:06.080 You manifested something and you received it. 0:17:06.359 --> 0:17:09.560 Is that what you said? Yeah, that's exactly what I'm saying. 0:17:10.560 --> 0:17:12.639 I asked guy to take away my cycle because it 0:17:12.760 --> 0:17:14.960 was painful and I didn't like any parts of it, 0:17:15.600 --> 0:17:18.560 and then bring it back to me when he was 0:17:18.640 --> 0:17:22.040 ready for me to have a baby. Shit it girl. 0:17:23.000 --> 0:17:25.240 They went away and it came back when I was 0:17:25.320 --> 0:17:29.159 thirty three years old on the day. I'm just curious 0:17:29.240 --> 0:17:32.200 when we had the African ancestry, who in your lineage 0:17:32.240 --> 0:17:37.240 is the souths theyer is the medicine woman child. But 0:17:37.359 --> 0:17:40.159 I do think also too, I want to be careful 0:17:40.200 --> 0:17:42.280 because like so many types of women listen to this 0:17:42.400 --> 0:17:46.520 show and say that we're not we're not also saying 0:17:46.840 --> 0:17:49.680 that you cannot tap into a high level of nurturing 0:17:50.240 --> 0:17:52.639 at having children at in your forties because because of 0:17:52.680 --> 0:17:55.200 women have children in their forties. But I actually think 0:17:55.240 --> 0:17:57.240 when I in the fifties two, a lot of times 0:17:57.280 --> 0:17:59.600 when I see women who have children ate quote unquote 0:17:59.640 --> 0:18:03.119 late in life, life like another societal thing. But like 0:18:03.440 --> 0:18:05.680 who have children late in life, sometimes I feel like 0:18:05.680 --> 0:18:09.640 they're more prepared to have kids. They have potentially more 0:18:09.760 --> 0:18:14.040 patience in my opinion sometimes, So I don't know if 0:18:14.280 --> 0:18:17.080 that I think, you know, I mean, I feel like 0:18:17.200 --> 0:18:21.240 biologically we're talking about something that probably applies to a 0:18:21.480 --> 0:18:24.840 large portion of women. But how can we really know 0:18:25.040 --> 0:18:27.760 because women really we're not talking about this enough with 0:18:27.960 --> 0:18:28.359 the data. 0:18:28.600 --> 0:18:31.080 I will tell you this, it is an interesting mind 0:18:31.160 --> 0:18:33.840 fuck to have your fabors taken out one year and 0:18:33.920 --> 0:18:36.040 then the next year and not get your period no more, 0:18:39.760 --> 0:18:43.840 mentally die you know, you try, especially as a person 0:18:43.920 --> 0:18:46.080 who receives God and all their messages and. 0:18:46.240 --> 0:18:48.639 Is trying to follow the path that is set. So 0:18:48.960 --> 0:18:52.960 you just gotta know that you believe God is doing 0:18:53.119 --> 0:18:54.399 all the right things for you. 0:18:55.320 --> 0:18:58.040 So in that way of a forty something woman, I 0:18:58.160 --> 0:19:00.919 do wonder if women are like me at this age 0:19:01.040 --> 0:19:02.560 and that, who are considering kids. 0:19:02.760 --> 0:19:03.879 Hey, I still am in the. 0:19:03.920 --> 0:19:04.320 I don't know. 0:19:04.760 --> 0:19:06.359 I'm like wherever God leads me. 0:19:06.920 --> 0:19:10.040 But it's a mind fuck if you're going through this 0:19:10.200 --> 0:19:14.680 and you are consciously trying to make babies, like imagine like, 0:19:16.840 --> 0:19:19.919 but then also it's also a mind fuck because it's easier, 0:19:19.960 --> 0:19:22.720 they say, sometimes it's easier to get pregnant because you 0:19:22.760 --> 0:19:26.320 don't know when that that fucking period coming. So they 0:19:26.440 --> 0:19:28.600 a lot of there are a lot of menopause babies. 0:19:29.359 --> 0:19:30.080 Oh tons of them. 0:19:30.240 --> 0:19:31.240 What are they calling them? 0:19:31.800 --> 0:19:40.200 Uh A changed baby, change baby, we got unicorn, change rainbow. 0:19:40.600 --> 0:19:41.000 I love it. 0:19:41.600 --> 0:19:41.920 I love it. 0:19:42.400 --> 0:19:43.359 Yeah, it's just changing. 0:19:43.960 --> 0:19:44.119 You know. 0:19:44.240 --> 0:19:46.920 I know you haven't seen Jurassic Park, but like life 0:19:46.960 --> 0:19:49.280 finds a way, life gonna find a way. Yeah, you 0:19:49.320 --> 0:19:51.280 know what I'm saying. But I think, you know, just 0:19:51.359 --> 0:19:55.159 having that kind of sense of you know, perspective active 0:19:55.240 --> 0:19:57.359 on when we're dealing with one another or even like 0:19:57.440 --> 0:20:00.240 I said, really mostly when we're dealing with ourselves, they 0:20:00.400 --> 0:20:03.840 understanding of ourselves. And I do think this, like there's 0:20:03.880 --> 0:20:07.119 a lot of negativity around perimenopause and a lot of 0:20:07.200 --> 0:20:10.440 feelings of like what you're going to lose and what 0:20:10.640 --> 0:20:12.720 type of like intense things are going to happen to you, 0:20:13.400 --> 0:20:16.400 but having this perspective about it being like a renewal 0:20:16.600 --> 0:20:20.440 because in one of the articles it was talking about 0:20:20.480 --> 0:20:24.240 how like even some of the symptoms are really indicative 0:20:24.320 --> 0:20:27.200 of the high stress levels that certain women have particularly 0:20:27.240 --> 0:20:30.119 in like American society, because in Japan they didn't even 0:20:30.200 --> 0:20:32.840 until recently have a word for high flash. Their word 0:20:32.920 --> 0:20:36.800 for menopause is like a word meaning like renewal or rebirth, 0:20:37.400 --> 0:20:40.200 you know what I'm saying, And that and that hormonally 0:20:40.440 --> 0:20:43.280 because of the changes, you can get huge sparks of 0:20:43.440 --> 0:20:48.280 creativity and like really kind of fine and redefine a 0:20:48.359 --> 0:20:51.800 new portion of your life. And so I think I 0:20:51.920 --> 0:20:56.440 think that that immediate kind of you know, the reputation 0:20:56.960 --> 0:21:03.840 that is more indicative of the highly you know, structural 0:21:04.440 --> 0:21:08.080 issues that happen in this country that are just freaking stressful, 0:21:08.640 --> 0:21:11.480 and as our bodies and minds are pushing back on that. 0:21:12.000 --> 0:21:14.920 So some of the bitch behavior is, you know, a 0:21:15.119 --> 0:21:17.320 form of resistance in a lot of ways. It's like 0:21:17.480 --> 0:21:21.639 I should be enjoying the benefits of this time and 0:21:21.920 --> 0:21:25.240 not having to push back on a society that continually 0:21:25.320 --> 0:21:30.040 want that wants to drain me, shame me. Fel like 0:21:30.080 --> 0:21:30.800 I had enough. 0:21:31.720 --> 0:21:34.440 I definitely go back and forth, But I also understand, 0:21:34.520 --> 0:21:37.760 you know, I feel like being parry. Menopause is going 0:21:37.840 --> 0:21:40.520 to be the new period in the sense that even 0:21:40.560 --> 0:21:42.840 the way we started our new season and talking about 0:21:43.000 --> 0:21:45.560 like we're talking about our Cusi's on. 0:21:45.600 --> 0:21:50.000 TV right lately, finally, finally, So lately I'm. 0:21:50.040 --> 0:21:52.359 Having a lot of conversations because I had to find 0:21:52.440 --> 0:21:53.919 I had to find my extra bind and I had 0:21:53.960 --> 0:21:55.640 to find my yam. So I have been sweating a lot, 0:21:55.720 --> 0:21:59.200 you know, just in public and the interaction with people 0:22:00.119 --> 0:22:01.919 when they writteness your sweat is something. 0:22:02.119 --> 0:22:02.239 Now. 0:22:02.280 --> 0:22:03.560 First of all, I would like to shout out my 0:22:03.560 --> 0:22:05.359 mother because this is clearly a payback. I didn't know 0:22:05.440 --> 0:22:07.000 she was going through perry menopause in my age, and 0:22:07.000 --> 0:22:08.560 I would always ask for if the she needa towel, 0:22:08.840 --> 0:22:09.680 and Mommy your sweating. 0:22:09.720 --> 0:22:11.240 I always let her know like she ain't. No. 0:22:11.560 --> 0:22:15.840 Now I understand that was wrong. I also understand that 0:22:15.960 --> 0:22:18.000 it's a lot of us going through these things. And 0:22:18.040 --> 0:22:19.919 I just think, like, I don't know, y'all we got 0:22:19.960 --> 0:22:21.760 commercials for these things. Now we got I don't if 0:22:21.800 --> 0:22:24.480 y'all seen the new commercial for parent even pari menopause 0:22:24.560 --> 0:22:25.920 is a commercial for some drug, and I say you 0:22:25.920 --> 0:22:29.200 should take it. But it all starts the conversation and 0:22:29.359 --> 0:22:32.399 talking to the younger generation, and so this all. 0:22:32.359 --> 0:22:34.640 Gets better, all gets better, honest. 0:22:34.640 --> 0:22:36.960 And I sell every now when I talk to women, 0:22:37.240 --> 0:22:40.640 I'm really sitting here like thinking, okay, so how old 0:22:40.680 --> 0:22:42.280 is she is? She's being a bitch. I'm trying to 0:22:42.320 --> 0:22:45.280 be conscious of all the things. Like it's just a 0:22:46.119 --> 0:22:48.159 it's a process that I think we getting there. 0:22:48.640 --> 0:22:50.880 Gets like this though. First of all, I didn't even 0:22:50.960 --> 0:22:53.639 know perry menopause was a thing until a couple of 0:22:54.000 --> 0:22:57.120 months ago. Okay, forgive my ignorance, but I never heard 0:22:57.160 --> 0:22:57.720 the word before. 0:22:57.720 --> 0:22:59.720 I was like, our mothers didn't have a name for it. 0:23:00.080 --> 0:23:03.119 Popped up in the script and I was like, what 0:23:03.280 --> 0:23:06.680 is that? That's one and the number two. You know, 0:23:06.760 --> 0:23:10.320 so we're all learning about this thing that is inevitable. 0:23:11.560 --> 0:23:16.160 You know, it's inevitable. So there's a there's another portion 0:23:16.359 --> 0:23:20.760 to this, like there's always a reason, you know, there's 0:23:20.800 --> 0:23:24.560 always a reason for a thing. Nothing just really happens 0:23:24.640 --> 0:23:29.440 because it happens, you know, the rainfalls, the seed is 0:23:29.760 --> 0:23:35.040 is nourished and fertilized in the soil, the sun hits it, 0:23:35.440 --> 0:23:37.840 eventually it's going to start to grow. Right, This is 0:23:38.000 --> 0:23:42.960 kind of how life works. One thing begets another. How 0:23:43.119 --> 0:23:49.680 is it that we you know, the explanations for everything 0:23:50.880 --> 0:23:54.679 kind of gets it kind of gets I get weary, 0:23:55.600 --> 0:23:58.119 get weary. There's always a reason for a thing, you know, 0:23:58.200 --> 0:24:00.560 I get that part, But it makes you feel tired. 0:24:00.800 --> 0:24:02.840 Don't nobody cares about Like I said, they don't really 0:24:02.880 --> 0:24:05.960 care about your reasoning. You just do you think that 0:24:06.080 --> 0:24:09.320 the reasoning? Do you think the reasoning maybe makes you 0:24:09.480 --> 0:24:13.520 feel to hell the space like you haven't been able 0:24:13.560 --> 0:24:15.639 to hold a space for how it makes you feel, 0:24:16.280 --> 0:24:18.800 Because I think sometimes what I hear when people say 0:24:19.000 --> 0:24:21.399 I'm tired of the excuses, I'm tired of the reasons 0:24:21.440 --> 0:24:25.440 for everything. How I think that, how I process that 0:24:25.640 --> 0:24:29.240 is I just need to feel my feelings without knowing 0:24:29.280 --> 0:24:32.600 any other things first, you know, because I'm a perspective 0:24:32.880 --> 0:24:36.960 like a junkie, you know, And so in listening to you, 0:24:37.320 --> 0:24:40.200 like partially what that kind of feels like listening to 0:24:40.280 --> 0:24:43.240 you is like I just want to feel my stuff, 0:24:43.760 --> 0:24:46.280 you know what I mean? Like if you did something 0:24:46.440 --> 0:24:49.119 and I witnessed you in a space and that triggered me, 0:24:49.280 --> 0:24:50.960 or that made me feel some type of way, like 0:24:51.080 --> 0:24:53.000 I don't have time for the why it made me 0:24:53.080 --> 0:24:55.600 feel like this period. 0:24:55.760 --> 0:24:58.040 That's because that's the easier thing to do, though sometimes too, 0:24:58.200 --> 0:24:59.680 I don't know in my mind, and you know, not 0:24:59.760 --> 0:25:02.000 just you, Jill. I think sometimes people do think that 0:25:02.080 --> 0:25:05.159 way too, because it takes a it takes extra thought to. 0:25:05.280 --> 0:25:08.720 Actually to actually overthink things like that. 0:25:08.840 --> 0:25:11.159 Like it takes thought to be like and sometimes you 0:25:11.280 --> 0:25:12.560 just want to go. Sometimes you just want to like 0:25:12.560 --> 0:25:14.080 you said, I guess you just want to have emotions. 0:25:14.119 --> 0:25:16.240 But you also you got to consider that we have 0:25:16.400 --> 0:25:19.159 words and stuff or things that we haven't had before, 0:25:19.320 --> 0:25:22.720 and we have we do have explanations for things that we. 0:25:22.720 --> 0:25:23.919 Couldn't explain before. 0:25:24.560 --> 0:25:26.280 So I don't know, I feel like there's a gray 0:25:26.320 --> 0:25:29.520 in there. I know it's a weird balance, but I'm 0:25:29.560 --> 0:25:30.360 in the gray all the time. 0:25:30.440 --> 0:25:32.639 It's a both. It's just a both to me, like 0:25:33.320 --> 0:25:35.760 you know, not to be a typical Libra in this moment, 0:25:36.320 --> 0:25:38.639 but I think it's I think it's a both. You 0:25:38.720 --> 0:25:42.280 know what I'm saying, Like, yes, hold space for your feelings, 0:25:42.400 --> 0:25:45.119 like take a minute. Yeah, and if you don't like 0:25:45.240 --> 0:25:47.880 some shit, don't don't like it, you know what I'm saying, 0:25:47.920 --> 0:25:50.720 And you don't have to engage in the perspective of 0:25:50.800 --> 0:25:52.919 it at that moment, you know what. I at that moment, 0:25:53.440 --> 0:25:55.639 maybe I too need a little bit of time to 0:25:55.760 --> 0:25:58.280 deal with whatever it is that you're projecting on to 0:25:58.440 --> 0:26:01.240 me or whatever. Maybe I need a moment to figure 0:26:01.280 --> 0:26:03.600 that out. But these are This is what I'm talking 0:26:03.640 --> 0:26:07.920 about specifically, is that there are moments when, let's just say, 0:26:08.240 --> 0:26:11.760 as a as a parent, or someone who is even 0:26:11.920 --> 0:26:15.720 babysitting a child. Okay, you've had a hell of a day. 0:26:16.280 --> 0:26:20.600 Your your ankle hurts, I don't know, you've you've been sneezing. 0:26:20.680 --> 0:26:24.000 I don't know all the reasons are, but you have 0:26:24.160 --> 0:26:29.240 to find it in yourself to have patience with this 0:26:29.680 --> 0:26:33.920 child until you can put that child to bed. The 0:26:34.040 --> 0:26:37.920 goal is to feed the kid, watch the kid, read 0:26:38.040 --> 0:26:40.520 the story, knock that kid out, so go to sleep, 0:26:40.840 --> 0:26:42.920 and then you can deal with it. You can deal 0:26:43.000 --> 0:26:46.440 with the things that are are oppressing you at the 0:26:46.520 --> 0:26:47.880 moment or on your spirit. 0:26:48.000 --> 0:26:49.280 That's a kid, that's a kid. 0:26:50.160 --> 0:26:53.400 What's the difficult Everybody, Like I said, it's a both, friend, 0:26:53.480 --> 0:26:55.879 it's a both. What's the difference? Because we end up 0:26:55.920 --> 0:26:59.200 having to deal with stuff all the time, you know 0:26:59.200 --> 0:27:02.280 what I mean? Yeah, I mean eventually it's a circle back, 0:27:02.359 --> 0:27:05.520 no matter what it's like. Saying that as a president 0:27:05.640 --> 0:27:08.640 of the United States, or or whatever country. I've heard 0:27:08.720 --> 0:27:10.560 this over and over over the years. You know, people 0:27:10.640 --> 0:27:13.159 with that shit. Or I wouldn't want a woman president 0:27:13.240 --> 0:27:15.960 because she's got to deal with her period. Let me 0:27:16.040 --> 0:27:19.240 tell you something. We deal with a lot of things, okay, 0:27:20.320 --> 0:27:23.680 And you can't tell me that a woman cannot be 0:27:23.960 --> 0:27:27.520 rational or cannot think the bigger picture in the middle 0:27:27.600 --> 0:27:29.639 of all the stuff, you know what I mean. 0:27:30.359 --> 0:27:34.320 That's an interesting argument, Jill Man, Okay, are you Are. 0:27:34.240 --> 0:27:35.159 We really saying that? 0:27:35.920 --> 0:27:35.960 No? 0:27:36.840 --> 0:27:39.920 So if I'm having a hard conversation with me and 0:27:40.000 --> 0:27:43.480 I'm in the middle of a bitch episode that I 0:27:43.680 --> 0:27:45.840 don't have to be responsible enough to know that I 0:27:45.960 --> 0:27:48.480 need to walk the fuck away. I need to walk 0:27:48.480 --> 0:27:51.399 away because I'm gonna say something or I'm gonna do something. 0:27:52.840 --> 0:27:54.240 But if you don't have language, if you don't have 0:27:54.359 --> 0:27:57.119 language for that, then you can't create systems to support it. 0:27:57.520 --> 0:28:00.800 So it's like, eventually the conversation about what's really happening 0:28:00.840 --> 0:28:07.560 to you got to happen. Absolutely more conversation after the break. 0:28:19.119 --> 0:28:22.520 If you don't have language, are you excused because you 0:28:22.640 --> 0:28:25.280 don't have the language and you're just reacting? 0:28:25.560 --> 0:28:28.439 But everybody knows this is what's going on with. 0:28:28.520 --> 0:28:31.680 You, or they know something is going on with you. Well, 0:28:31.760 --> 0:28:34.560 I feel like this. Everybody will use who you are 0:28:34.720 --> 0:28:37.280 and what your experiences are to create a box for 0:28:37.359 --> 0:28:39.240 you to be in because they need to be able 0:28:39.320 --> 0:28:43.000 to predict your behavior, tell you what you can and 0:28:43.080 --> 0:28:46.200 cannot have. That's just a habit of a capitalist society. 0:28:46.400 --> 0:28:48.800 They just trying to do that. But it doesn't have 0:28:49.000 --> 0:28:52.200 to be that way. If you create a culture around 0:28:52.400 --> 0:28:56.480 conversation and around understanding, then it doesn't say that. Okay 0:28:56.960 --> 0:28:59.440 that and also too again, let me just put this 0:28:59.560 --> 0:29:03.440 out here. If we have even the idea of having 0:29:03.560 --> 0:29:08.040 a president and not having or not having a situation 0:29:08.160 --> 0:29:10.920 where there's a joint decisions to be made and that 0:29:11.000 --> 0:29:14.800 it's not a decision of a single person, is problematic, right, 0:29:14.960 --> 0:29:17.560 because even if you're a man, that's a problem because 0:29:17.560 --> 0:29:21.320 even men can have emotional breakdowns, mental illness, depression, any 0:29:21.400 --> 0:29:26.080 number of different things that might be bowel syndrome. Yeah, 0:29:26.480 --> 0:29:28.040 everything that they could you know, X. 0:29:28.120 --> 0:29:28.400 Y and Z. 0:29:28.600 --> 0:29:30.720 Hopefully that's why we got checks and balances, you know, 0:29:30.840 --> 0:29:34.520 juditial legislative, right, but checks. 0:29:34.320 --> 0:29:37.720 And balances in the world, it's a checks and balances issue. 0:29:37.760 --> 0:29:40.480 You can't have those checks and balances if you're not 0:29:40.640 --> 0:29:44.360 willing to have conversations and create language around it now 0:29:44.520 --> 0:29:47.280 in the process of that. Yes, if somebody's being a 0:29:47.320 --> 0:29:49.400 bitch to me and I want to cuss this bitch 0:29:49.480 --> 0:29:51.800 out because of the way she's treating me and because 0:29:51.920 --> 0:29:55.600 I'm triggered by her behavior, then okay, I have my moment. 0:29:55.720 --> 0:29:58.080 She had her moment. We had our moment. It's the 0:29:58.200 --> 0:30:01.880 circle back that counts, whether it's the sun the two 0:30:01.960 --> 0:30:04.080 of us, whether it's a circle back between the two 0:30:04.160 --> 0:30:07.040 of us, or a circle back within our personal conversation 0:30:07.200 --> 0:30:10.680 with ourselves in which we all take accountability. And now 0:30:10.760 --> 0:30:12.560 we say, hey, you know what, let me check this 0:30:12.760 --> 0:30:18.040 calendar right quick, let me let me think about right, 0:30:18.160 --> 0:30:20.840 let me think about let me give myself the proper 0:30:20.960 --> 0:30:24.040 perspective around where I am. You understand what I'm saying. 0:30:24.040 --> 0:30:26.080 And so that's kind of what I was getting from Jill, 0:30:26.200 --> 0:30:29.720 is that let's hold space for both. Let's hold space 0:30:29.840 --> 0:30:34.440 for the fact that reacting to raggedy behavior is a 0:30:34.760 --> 0:30:37.960 natural thing to which we sometimes need to allow ourselves 0:30:38.040 --> 0:30:40.800 the ability to do, particularly black women, because we are 0:30:40.880 --> 0:30:43.600 constantly talking ourselves down from our actual. 0:30:43.320 --> 0:30:45.480 Feeling I'm about to say, I might have talked myself 0:30:45.560 --> 0:30:47.240 down to the point where I don't think I'm allowed to. 0:30:47.320 --> 0:30:47.760 But I hear you. 0:30:47.840 --> 0:30:49.080 I'm working when. 0:30:48.960 --> 0:30:50.680 We talk about this and the rage again in the 0:30:50.760 --> 0:30:53.640 Race the Machine episode where it was like being able 0:30:53.680 --> 0:30:56.600 to tap into the realness of how you are responding 0:30:56.680 --> 0:30:59.040 to some stuff in the world. Right, So I don't 0:30:59.040 --> 0:31:01.320 even think it's really like I said, it's not an ore, 0:31:01.480 --> 0:31:04.680 it's not a choose this or this again. I'll bring 0:31:04.760 --> 0:31:07.960 this back up. It's that binary thinking constantly. It gotta 0:31:08.040 --> 0:31:09.600 be one thing on the other. No, I was in 0:31:09.680 --> 0:31:12.760 the gray, in the gray, and I wouldn't even say gray. 0:31:12.880 --> 0:31:18.040 See gray indicates unsureness, okay, gray indicates that, oh this 0:31:18.280 --> 0:31:21.200 is this is clouded. It is not clear. No, this 0:31:21.520 --> 0:31:24.560 is clear. To think in a circle is clarity. To 0:31:24.680 --> 0:31:26.720 think in a binary or in a linear is not. 0:31:27.480 --> 0:31:29.080 But it's also it's clear to a point. 0:31:29.120 --> 0:31:31.200 Because Jill brought up a good point, like I'm sure, 0:31:31.520 --> 0:31:33.520 I mean, I'm sure there's a low order episode to 0:31:33.560 --> 0:31:34.160 back me on this. 0:31:34.880 --> 0:31:37.760 There has been an episode come. 0:31:37.600 --> 0:31:39.960 On Where Love where the. 0:31:40.120 --> 0:31:44.680 Defense wanted to use free minstrel syndrome as a reason 0:31:45.000 --> 0:31:48.959 because physically things happen, and literally, as y'all talking, I'm 0:31:49.000 --> 0:31:51.800 reading through this package that my doctor gave me after 0:31:51.880 --> 0:31:54.000 my visit on all the things I can do about 0:31:54.080 --> 0:31:59.080 my my my menopause, and these these things cover antidepressants 0:31:59.080 --> 0:32:00.680 are in here, you know what I'm saying. 0:32:00.640 --> 0:32:04.840 Like there are some real I mean mind and they 0:32:04.920 --> 0:32:05.520 come to my doctor. 0:32:05.560 --> 0:32:08.560 She gave me herbal treatments as well, but mind body 0:32:08.720 --> 0:32:11.959 other treatments. Vaginal dryness that can piss me off too, 0:32:12.040 --> 0:32:13.400 and that's not even faginal. 0:32:14.240 --> 0:32:14.680 I'm sorry. 0:32:14.960 --> 0:32:17.600 Anyway, we had a conversation about bagial dryness. Y'all please 0:32:17.680 --> 0:32:20.600 use that muscle or else it will dry. That's a 0:32:20.680 --> 0:32:21.080 side note. 0:32:21.280 --> 0:32:24.240 But my point is is that if a woman does 0:32:24.320 --> 0:32:27.160 not have a hold on what is going on. 0:32:27.520 --> 0:32:30.560 With her at all, like if all the stuff is 0:32:30.640 --> 0:32:34.600 happening and she doesn't have medical coverage or going to 0:32:34.720 --> 0:32:36.840 a dot, or she doesn't have anybody or her mother 0:32:36.960 --> 0:32:37.880 to ask her, what's. 0:32:37.800 --> 0:32:38.840 Your minstrel story? 0:32:38.960 --> 0:32:40.680 Like you don't even know that this is the time 0:32:40.760 --> 0:32:42.560 that your mother with this, because y'all, that's real. My 0:32:42.640 --> 0:32:47.080 doctor did say, ask your mama. That could lead to 0:32:47.240 --> 0:32:51.120 a little bit of unsettling things. I could see someone 0:32:51.760 --> 0:32:55.840 reacting from these things. Yeah, so that's why I say, 0:32:55.960 --> 0:32:57.520 and so I'm so that's why I say there's some 0:32:57.680 --> 0:33:01.400 gray because if you don't have this knowledge. 0:33:03.960 --> 0:33:06.160 Are severely you know, impacted. 0:33:05.720 --> 0:33:06.120 What you do. 0:33:06.680 --> 0:33:10.000 So so what we're saying here, well what I think 0:33:10.080 --> 0:33:12.400 we're saying, I'll say what I'm saying. How about that. 0:33:12.760 --> 0:33:16.360 Damie took their hair off fast, amazing black woman, that 0:33:16.480 --> 0:33:17.000 was magical? 0:33:17.440 --> 0:33:17.720 Thank you? 0:33:18.600 --> 0:33:18.800 Is that. 0:33:21.640 --> 0:33:30.760 That we have to care about being a woman. They're 0:33:31.080 --> 0:33:36.680 apps for this. There's sights, there's conversations that are being 0:33:36.760 --> 0:33:40.880 had that if you you know, we're loud, we're proud, 0:33:40.920 --> 0:33:43.520 we're women. All of these things are happening to our 0:33:43.560 --> 0:33:48.960 bodies or naturally, And if we care about the people 0:33:49.040 --> 0:33:51.800 that are around us and the and and how we 0:33:52.120 --> 0:33:57.560 present ourselves and not not as a robot you know, 0:33:57.640 --> 0:34:00.480 I'm not. I'm not talking about pretending to be anything. 0:34:00.520 --> 0:34:02.880 I'm talking about being all of yourself and all of 0:34:02.960 --> 0:34:05.720 ourselves in order to get it, then we actually have 0:34:06.120 --> 0:34:09.440 what again, some work to do. Yeah, but I think 0:34:09.480 --> 0:34:11.840 that's a small nuance there too, that we should that 0:34:11.920 --> 0:34:15.880 we should mention that as long as this kind of 0:34:15.920 --> 0:34:19.240 information is like she said, is not used to oppress 0:34:19.400 --> 0:34:23.239 us or to further subjugate us or further put us 0:34:23.320 --> 0:34:26.920 in certain boxes. Then in that but that that information 0:34:27.120 --> 0:34:31.960 is used to create larger structural changes around structural changes 0:34:32.040 --> 0:34:36.520 and like societal changes around the culture changes, around the 0:34:36.560 --> 0:34:38.759 way we look at women and their bodies and their 0:34:38.800 --> 0:34:41.280 evolution and their biology and all this other kind of stuff. 0:34:41.440 --> 0:34:45.120 Because needless to say that if you are a trans man, 0:34:45.320 --> 0:34:48.520 you have all these same things going on inside your biologically, 0:34:48.960 --> 0:34:51.920 and so you might also experience this as well. And 0:34:52.000 --> 0:34:55.200 you know, depending on what your experience is, you will also. 0:34:57.480 --> 0:34:58.200 Therapy they go through. 0:34:58.200 --> 0:34:58.680 That's interesting. 0:34:59.360 --> 0:35:01.480 And what if you don't take any of the hormones? Right, 0:35:03.160 --> 0:35:05.560 what if you're a trans you just present that way. 0:35:06.239 --> 0:35:08.279 But my point is, my plan is at the end 0:35:08.280 --> 0:35:10.000 of the day, I mean, that's a whole other conversation 0:35:10.080 --> 0:35:12.840 that's outside of our personal wheelhouse, definitely, But I just 0:35:12.920 --> 0:35:15.680 wanted to just to put it out there in terms 0:35:15.719 --> 0:35:18.839 of like the bigger question for I mean, the little 0:35:18.920 --> 0:35:21.360 nuance in there is that yes, we should talk about it, 0:35:22.080 --> 0:35:24.840 yes we should have language about it. But the minute 0:35:24.880 --> 0:35:28.040 that people start trying to flip the damn script, okay 0:35:28.560 --> 0:35:32.800 and use that as an opportunity to do us foul. 0:35:33.440 --> 0:35:36.320 We gotta be able to check that it's no different 0:35:36.440 --> 0:35:39.280 than if we talk about things culturally with being black 0:35:39.400 --> 0:35:41.880 or being whatever. Yes, these things might be true, but 0:35:41.960 --> 0:35:44.319 when people try to shift and switch the narrative, it's 0:35:44.400 --> 0:35:47.600 our job to pull the coattails on it. But I 0:35:47.719 --> 0:35:51.000 think ultimately we can only benefit from more conversation. Then 0:35:51.080 --> 0:35:53.040 we cannot benefit from more conversation. 0:35:53.120 --> 0:35:55.799 Asia, you could not be more true, because I'm gonna 0:35:55.800 --> 0:35:58.440 tell y'all some of the best moments, and it's hard 0:35:58.480 --> 0:36:01.440 to say best moments impairmental and in the same sentence, 0:36:01.800 --> 0:36:03.320 but some of the best moments I've had in this 0:36:03.400 --> 0:36:07.320 perimenopause journey is when another woman, sister or not like 0:36:07.760 --> 0:36:09.360 comes to my aid, and not in the sense of 0:36:09.480 --> 0:36:10.719 let me do something for you, but even in the 0:36:10.760 --> 0:36:12.960 sense of, bro, I know what you're going through, Like 0:36:13.040 --> 0:36:15.840 even that little thing right there, it just makes you 0:36:15.920 --> 0:36:18.160 feel like, Okay, so I don't look crazy out in 0:36:18.200 --> 0:36:18.880 these streets, you know. 0:36:19.320 --> 0:36:21.400 Or it's somebody I'm somebody got a. 0:36:21.400 --> 0:36:23.440 Fan because now I travel with fans now, but if 0:36:23.440 --> 0:36:24.960 somebody else got a fan, they fan in me. Or 0:36:25.000 --> 0:36:26.759 I see somebody else weating, and I'm just like, girl, 0:36:27.120 --> 0:36:29.520 take some of this, you know, like it's just the 0:36:29.600 --> 0:36:32.160 little things. And then we start a conversation of yeah, 0:36:32.239 --> 0:36:34.080 girl IV and I'm working on these jams. 0:36:34.480 --> 0:36:36.200 But we you in, you know, just like let's just 0:36:36.719 --> 0:36:37.600 let's talk, y'all. 0:36:37.719 --> 0:36:39.560 Let's just if you well, that's a good thing. What 0:36:39.800 --> 0:36:42.239 are you doing? Because that's a good thing in terms 0:36:42.280 --> 0:36:44.360 of like just I know that people listening to this 0:36:44.719 --> 0:36:47.960 probably do have their own stories, like and so you know, 0:36:48.000 --> 0:36:49.840 we got us a little wanting hunt and number you 0:36:49.880 --> 0:36:53.480 know what that is. We know, like what y'all are 0:36:53.640 --> 0:36:58.680 doing to cope? My sister, what are we doing? What 0:36:58.760 --> 0:37:00.920 should we do with the herbs we should be taking? 0:37:01.320 --> 0:37:04.400 Yes? Is it the black cohash or the blue cohash? 0:37:04.480 --> 0:37:05.640 Because they confused me. 0:37:06.120 --> 0:37:10.560 Is it's always gonna be something, It's always gonna be 0:37:11.480 --> 0:37:14.960 we all, she said, it's always it's always ogonda. 0:37:15.440 --> 0:37:17.640 But the yams, I'm just gonna tell y'all funny is 0:37:17.680 --> 0:37:18.399 funny real quick? 0:37:18.800 --> 0:37:20.879 Sex and the City was that the movie? 0:37:21.080 --> 0:37:21.520 Part one? 0:37:21.680 --> 0:37:24.080 Sex and the City won the movie? I don't know, y'all, 0:37:24.120 --> 0:37:29.160 remember Sam and girl that ain't nothing but the truth. 0:37:29.560 --> 0:37:33.120 When she was like the yam the yams. They work, y'all, 0:37:33.160 --> 0:37:35.040 and they come in a pill form. I have organic 0:37:35.160 --> 0:37:37.960 jams that I got, So I'm just saying between that 0:37:38.080 --> 0:37:40.680 in the extra vent my sheets. 0:37:40.360 --> 0:37:51.759 Are so much drier, honey sweet, Because he don't know 0:37:52.000 --> 0:37:54.640 that that needs to be a remix. I'm so serious 0:37:54.880 --> 0:37:55.200 it is. 0:37:56.080 --> 0:37:57.320 He has a remix already. 0:37:57.560 --> 0:38:01.799 No, no, no, we need there's a special come on jail, 0:38:01.880 --> 0:38:03.160 come through you don't want to. 0:38:05.920 --> 0:38:08.160 And I get a night Sweats remix. I don't know 0:38:08.200 --> 0:38:10.160 if I'm experiencing that quite yet. 0:38:10.440 --> 0:38:13.600 You ain't going to You were so exceptional girl, I 0:38:13.640 --> 0:38:13.960 don't know. 0:38:14.560 --> 0:38:15.000 I don't know. 0:38:16.920 --> 0:38:17.400 I bet. 0:38:19.480 --> 0:38:20.320 Exceptional tribes. 0:38:20.719 --> 0:38:23.480 I bet you. Hey, listen, if you had your cycle 0:38:23.560 --> 0:38:29.040 go away for years, drop drop a little message and 0:38:29.120 --> 0:38:32.960 let me know, please, because I've been feeling alone out here, 0:38:33.080 --> 0:38:35.239 like what kind of thingy thing am I? 0:38:36.040 --> 0:38:36.239 You know? 0:38:36.800 --> 0:38:40.560 I would love to know you. I just want to 0:38:40.600 --> 0:38:44.160 get back to the bitches real quick, too, okay, because 0:38:44.239 --> 0:38:49.520 what I'm getting at is that we're giving a lot 0:38:49.600 --> 0:38:50.200 of reasons. 0:38:51.800 --> 0:38:55.040 You ain't got time for your excuses? What what what? 0:38:55.120 --> 0:38:59.000 What you want from the what I want? What I 0:38:59.120 --> 0:39:05.640 want for us? And I'm definitely including myself because come on, y'all. 0:39:05.680 --> 0:39:10.680 I'm a people. I'm a people, and what I'm looking 0:39:10.760 --> 0:39:15.040 for is some accountability. Okay, that's what I'm talking about. 0:39:15.040 --> 0:39:19.239 It's like, you know what, one time, I'm gonna say 0:39:19.239 --> 0:39:23.320 a name because because just because I met Terry Vaughan. 0:39:23.800 --> 0:39:27.239 Who is lovely right, yes, lovely yes. 0:39:27.640 --> 0:39:29.920 I met her at a thing and I was absolutely 0:39:30.080 --> 0:39:33.000 in the middle of a lot, and I didn't really 0:39:33.120 --> 0:39:35.359 want to be there, but I also wanted to be there, 0:39:35.640 --> 0:39:37.920 you know what I mean. You've had those moments. And 0:39:38.080 --> 0:39:40.680 I went to this thing and I just did not 0:39:40.880 --> 0:39:44.480 have it in me to talk to anybody about anything. 0:39:45.480 --> 0:39:48.200 And when she started to talk to me, I said, 0:39:48.320 --> 0:39:52.000 I cannot talk to you right now. I would by myself. 0:39:53.080 --> 0:39:57.440 I was by myself, and I saw her, I saw 0:39:57.520 --> 0:39:59.560 her coming from across the room. I was like, she's 0:39:59.600 --> 0:40:02.480 gonna talk talk to me. I knew that and I 0:40:02.680 --> 0:40:04.680 and all I could say was I cannot talk to 0:40:04.800 --> 0:40:09.200 you right now, okay, you know. And I felt terrible 0:40:09.280 --> 0:40:13.160 about it because you know, in this story, you were 0:40:13.280 --> 0:40:15.399 the bitch, and this story, I think I would think 0:40:15.440 --> 0:40:18.680 that I was absolutely What accountability do you think you 0:40:18.840 --> 0:40:21.440 owed her in that moment? Is it happening now. And 0:40:21.560 --> 0:40:25.320 I didn't think I got old her anything. But I 0:40:25.560 --> 0:40:28.480 saw her years later mm hmm, and I was like, 0:40:28.600 --> 0:40:30.919 you know what, I remember that day that we met, 0:40:31.400 --> 0:40:35.000 and honestly, I just was having one. I was having 0:40:35.080 --> 0:40:39.760 one and I just couldn't. I couldn't, I could not engage. 0:40:40.360 --> 0:40:48.840 And she was like, girl, everybody go ahead. Oh I 0:40:48.920 --> 0:40:50.840 can see her saying that. So let me flip the 0:40:50.840 --> 0:40:52.880 script on you. What if she said to you, I 0:40:52.920 --> 0:40:54.960 don't really want to hear about your excuses. That was 0:40:55.040 --> 0:41:01.600 fucked up what you did, I would have to say, okay, okay, okay, 0:41:03.040 --> 0:41:08.880 like everybody ain't for everybody that's number one, school or 0:41:08.960 --> 0:41:12.960 friends or and I know that, you know, first impressions 0:41:13.160 --> 0:41:19.839 are lasting, but sometimes it's not the day. Sometimes that's 0:41:19.920 --> 0:41:22.000 not the person. Sometimes you're not the person. 0:41:22.960 --> 0:41:24.040 And it is what it is. 0:41:25.040 --> 0:41:27.759 I mean, that's what we're saying. It's pretty cut and dry. 0:41:28.280 --> 0:41:31.719 Sometimes it's just not. But that's that's the thing. That's 0:41:31.760 --> 0:41:34.960 the overall thing here is that if that was something 0:41:35.040 --> 0:41:37.880 that we all kind and she for her, it was 0:41:37.920 --> 0:41:40.960 a basic understanding. She had that understanding already, whether you 0:41:41.040 --> 0:41:44.440 knew she did or not, she had that understanding of that. Oh, 0:41:44.480 --> 0:41:47.520 everybody has those days, you know what I'm saying, And 0:41:47.760 --> 0:41:50.600 I just you know, I think at the end of 0:41:50.640 --> 0:41:54.680 the day, for me, I just want us to kind 0:41:54.680 --> 0:41:57.759 of move through the world like that, not saying that 0:41:57.840 --> 0:42:00.400 it's okay to be X, Y and Z, but that 0:42:00.880 --> 0:42:03.560 there's a thing where we understand that this is a 0:42:03.680 --> 0:42:07.560 thing that happens whether we like it or not, it's 0:42:07.640 --> 0:42:09.800 going to happen. You're going to roll up on a 0:42:09.880 --> 0:42:13.160 woman of any age, but particularly of a certain age, 0:42:13.520 --> 0:42:19.000 and you might get, Yeah, what you get, Damn. 0:42:19.000 --> 0:42:22.080 That's that same thing happened to me with India. That 0:42:22.239 --> 0:42:24.040 is so crazy, you know what I'm saying. 0:42:25.640 --> 0:42:28.440 What you get, whatever it is that you get at 0:42:28.480 --> 0:42:34.360 that time, doesn't necessarily define the person forever. No, no, no, 0:42:35.160 --> 0:42:36.560 And it's something you on the other side. 0:42:36.600 --> 0:42:37.600 Shout out to the NDII Raca. 0:42:37.680 --> 0:42:39.839 She me and her had that same conversation once because 0:42:39.840 --> 0:42:42.520 I had I had a similar cinemon to running with her, 0:42:42.640 --> 0:42:45.680 and I just shout off the sisters for the circle back, 0:42:45.800 --> 0:42:50.360 because sometimes it takes a lot to actually approach the 0:42:50.400 --> 0:42:53.560 person who you felt like approached you wrong, and it 0:42:53.640 --> 0:42:56.120 takes a lot to approach you know to respond to 0:42:56.200 --> 0:42:58.439 when you know you was wrong, you know what I'm saying. 0:42:58.960 --> 0:43:03.200 So I just everybody don't get the circle back. 0:43:03.200 --> 0:43:06.000 I'm gonna tell you right now, that's true. Everybody don't 0:43:06.040 --> 0:43:06.279 get it. 0:43:06.680 --> 0:43:08.200 And some folks should be like, we'd be all right. 0:43:08.200 --> 0:43:10.759 I know I was wrong, but I ain't. I was 0:43:10.800 --> 0:43:13.640 at a casino somewhere. I don't remember what I was exactly, 0:43:14.239 --> 0:43:16.640 but we were rushing. Everything had gone wrong. I was 0:43:16.760 --> 0:43:18.640 missing some back line, you know. 0:43:18.960 --> 0:43:19.160 It was. 0:43:19.280 --> 0:43:21.279 It was stuff. It was a bunch of stuff. And 0:43:21.360 --> 0:43:23.279 I think I may have been in the middle of 0:43:23.360 --> 0:43:25.439 a divorce. I'm not sure, but it was a bunch 0:43:25.480 --> 0:43:27.279 of jam, you know what I'm saying, as life will 0:43:27.600 --> 0:43:32.040 hand you sometimes. And I remember going through this, this 0:43:32.520 --> 0:43:35.680 through the casino, I'm not expecting to see anybody, and 0:43:35.760 --> 0:43:40.279 we're all moving fast that time, and we're moving really fast, 0:43:40.320 --> 0:43:42.080 and this woman comes up with her daughter and they 0:43:42.120 --> 0:43:45.560 were so sweet and they had so many feelings. But 0:43:45.680 --> 0:43:48.839 I did not have time. I didn't and I did 0:43:48.960 --> 0:43:51.400 not have the right energy to be engaging with a 0:43:51.520 --> 0:43:56.480 child either. I didn't. And this is a sweet, seet 0:43:56.520 --> 0:44:00.279 little little thing, and I hate that moment, like if 0:44:00.320 --> 0:44:01.840 I could go back to a moment. I hate that 0:44:02.040 --> 0:44:05.440 moment because I know that they will come in like 0:44:05.640 --> 0:44:09.520 it genuinely, you know, to say something positive or you know, 0:44:09.640 --> 0:44:11.520 to give a hug or something. And I wish that 0:44:11.600 --> 0:44:14.120 I could have been a little more mature in that moment. 0:44:14.920 --> 0:44:17.600 I wish I could you have an extra element of 0:44:17.719 --> 0:44:19.600 things you have to deal with. Okay, so let's you 0:44:19.640 --> 0:44:22.520 know what I'm saying. Yes, all the things we're saying 0:44:22.520 --> 0:44:26.439 apply to all of us, but for women who are public, oh, 0:44:28.280 --> 0:44:33.440 I'm just saying, jail, jail, jail, jail. Seriously, that's a 0:44:33.520 --> 0:44:39.000 little bit extra responsibility and it's rough. Yes, right, that's 0:44:39.160 --> 0:44:41.360 that's a rough one for you because then you have 0:44:41.600 --> 0:44:45.640 to navigate other people's feelings in a different way, and 0:44:45.719 --> 0:44:48.000 it's more likely to happen at a time when you 0:44:48.160 --> 0:44:52.000 really can't and the people who you're involved with you're 0:44:52.160 --> 0:44:53.360 likely not to see again. 0:44:54.360 --> 0:44:56.600 And impression. 0:44:56.880 --> 0:44:59.040 Yeah, that's a lot, that's a lot to that's a 0:44:59.160 --> 0:45:02.240 lot to carry. I will say to you as a friend, 0:45:04.120 --> 0:45:05.840 just you know, and not that you haven't released it, 0:45:06.480 --> 0:45:08.360 but that's a part of your life that's unique to 0:45:08.440 --> 0:45:09.920 your life, and you're going to have to let that 0:45:10.000 --> 0:45:11.880 one go because at the end of the day, it's like, 0:45:12.000 --> 0:45:13.000 I don't even remember. 0:45:12.760 --> 0:45:13.360 Where I was. 0:45:13.760 --> 0:45:22.480 Yeah, you remember that feeling. Understand that that's going to 0:45:22.560 --> 0:45:26.120 happen in your job. That's like, you know sometimes, but 0:45:26.239 --> 0:45:27.320 you just made an excuse. 0:45:27.120 --> 0:45:27.600 For being a bitch. 0:45:27.640 --> 0:45:29.680 Though you sure did. You didn't make it's a it's 0:45:29.680 --> 0:45:32.279 a reason. I just there can be a reason. No, no, 0:45:32.320 --> 0:45:33.680 it could be a reason though not an excuse. 0:45:34.200 --> 0:45:35.120 There can't be a reason. 0:45:35.480 --> 0:45:37.880 No, I'm sorry I used us. 0:45:38.239 --> 0:45:40.840 I used the wrong word. I should have said if 0:45:40.880 --> 0:45:44.000 there is a reason, and you know you had a reason, 0:45:44.600 --> 0:45:50.680 and sometimes other bitches have so maybe sometimes you could 0:45:50.840 --> 0:45:54.800 just you know, agent, can you finish this sentence in 0:45:54.880 --> 0:45:56.239 that real literate. 0:45:55.960 --> 0:45:58.480 Way you do it? Go ahead, girl, stop? No, you did. 0:45:58.640 --> 0:45:59.279 You did the thing? 0:45:59.320 --> 0:46:01.680 You bought it for circle, because that's what I was thinking. 0:46:01.800 --> 0:46:05.160 I was like, but him, this is what we've been 0:46:05.280 --> 0:46:08.759 saying from the beginning. It's like, yeah, the reason and 0:46:09.040 --> 0:46:11.120 a lot of these reasons are the ways that we 0:46:11.239 --> 0:46:12.760 cannot take things personally. 0:46:12.880 --> 0:46:14.920 And the person that you that person that you projected 0:46:14.960 --> 0:46:18.360 that to, has no idea of your reasons. They just 0:46:18.480 --> 0:46:21.600 know your Jill Scott, you your joy and love, they 0:46:21.719 --> 0:46:23.600 love you, and this is the one in a lifetime 0:46:23.680 --> 0:46:25.840 experience walk around on rose petals. 0:46:30.080 --> 0:46:32.719 So I'm gonna go clean the toilets. This really was 0:46:32.760 --> 0:46:37.440 a clear I'm a normal person and I have a 0:46:37.560 --> 0:46:40.680 job that's highly stressful, and I still have to engage 0:46:40.719 --> 0:46:43.680 with you, you know. And and it's very similar, even 0:46:43.719 --> 0:46:45.840 though these people are not quote unquote public people. But 0:46:45.920 --> 0:46:47.719 it's the same thing as being in a service job 0:46:48.320 --> 0:46:50.600 when all you do all day is interact with other people, 0:46:51.080 --> 0:46:53.880 and your job can be so like janky on the 0:46:53.960 --> 0:46:57.000 background of it, but you still have to go, hello, hey, 0:46:57.080 --> 0:46:59.359 how man, I help you? How are you doing? How 0:46:59.400 --> 0:47:02.560 could I be a sir? See you today? Right in 0:47:02.640 --> 0:47:04.520 a minute? That you know, and in the back they 0:47:04.600 --> 0:47:07.840 could be paying you thirteen cents an hour, but. 0:47:07.920 --> 0:47:09.920 You still need me to smile so you can be 0:47:10.200 --> 0:47:12.399 so you can feel good about buying this product right 0:47:12.680 --> 0:47:13.239 right right. 0:47:13.520 --> 0:47:15.759 And I'm telling you for women who are out there, 0:47:15.800 --> 0:47:18.640 and I never forget this. During the pandemic, with the 0:47:18.680 --> 0:47:20.759 early part of the pandemic, y'all remember that picture that 0:47:20.840 --> 0:47:23.880 went viral of that woman who was working at Popeyes 0:47:24.960 --> 0:47:26.880 and she was sitting outside on the bench and she 0:47:27.080 --> 0:47:31.320 was looking exhausted, and it was just like this. It 0:47:31.400 --> 0:47:34.040 started circulating kind of as a joke about people being 0:47:34.040 --> 0:47:35.799 Oh no, it wasn't the pandemic. It was when people 0:47:35.920 --> 0:47:42.600 was in line for that chicken. Yes, and shit was exhausted, right, 0:47:43.320 --> 0:47:46.440 and people like laughed about it. But can you imagine, 0:47:46.719 --> 0:47:49.600 like I said, the circumstances to which our fast food 0:47:49.640 --> 0:47:50.200 we were. 0:47:50.120 --> 0:47:51.200 Stealing them sandwiches. 0:47:51.200 --> 0:47:52.160 People was doing everything. 0:47:52.200 --> 0:47:56.840 You imagine the pressure, Oh you imagine being forty two oh. 0:47:58.600 --> 0:48:01.480 At Popeys during the height. 0:48:02.960 --> 0:48:04.640 Smile at the window chicken gate. 0:48:05.320 --> 0:48:11.520 Oh, that's like the perfect metaphor, at the at the 0:48:11.600 --> 0:48:16.640 height of the chicken gate. What nothing like that trying 0:48:16.680 --> 0:48:20.200 to be pleasant or wanting to and just can't girl, 0:48:20.360 --> 0:48:24.360 just just can't like because they started at nine this morning. 0:48:24.440 --> 0:48:26.120 As soon as we stopped making. 0:48:25.960 --> 0:48:30.080 It an open look in a lot, it's a lot of. 0:48:31.600 --> 0:48:35.520 And y'all nasty. Ain't mad at me when we run out, 0:48:35.719 --> 0:48:37.000 like I ordered the chicken. 0:48:37.280 --> 0:48:41.319 Come on, I think she got a reason, she got 0:48:41.400 --> 0:48:41.800 a reason. 0:48:42.239 --> 0:48:44.680 Just un lets I talk about who primarily holds some 0:48:44.719 --> 0:48:46.520 of these service jobs. Hello, and who they are, what 0:48:46.600 --> 0:48:48.359 they look like, what's their color, and what's their gender? 0:48:49.320 --> 0:48:50.879 It is with it there you're gonna come. 0:48:50.840 --> 0:48:52.600 In there fighting people because your sauce ain't right. 0:48:53.920 --> 0:48:54.160 Girl. 0:48:54.320 --> 0:49:00.600 It's a lot, it's a lot more conversation through the break. 0:49:12.200 --> 0:49:17.520 So in terms of we had a discussion about our 0:49:17.560 --> 0:49:20.520 discussion has been about kind of identifying, giving language to 0:49:20.560 --> 0:49:24.880 our experiences and you know, humanizing our bitch behavior to 0:49:25.000 --> 0:49:28.279 a degree, not excusing it, but humanizing it. Thank you. 0:49:29.880 --> 0:49:33.360 But in order to kind of move forward and create 0:49:33.480 --> 0:49:37.279 this culture of understanding, we also have to take some 0:49:37.480 --> 0:49:40.399 accountability to making ourselves feel better and doing the things 0:49:40.440 --> 0:49:42.279 that we can do that not only make us feel 0:49:42.320 --> 0:49:46.840 better but also improve our interactions with one another. So 0:49:47.280 --> 0:49:50.799 that being in the spirit of such right, I'm going 0:49:50.840 --> 0:49:52.360 to go back to this little list, which I'm not 0:49:52.440 --> 0:49:54.840 going to take credit for. Amen, we give this credit 0:49:54.920 --> 0:49:59.799 to Amber Amber who says, and it all comes back 0:49:59.840 --> 0:50:03.279 to rest a couple of things. Doctors can help you 0:50:03.440 --> 0:50:06.440 navigate your hormonal imbalances. So please talk to your doctor. 0:50:06.920 --> 0:50:09.560 Don't be afraid, you know, open up or if you 0:50:09.640 --> 0:50:12.440 see a like a homeo not homeopathic, what is it 0:50:12.640 --> 0:50:18.080 called a natural? That's not a doctor doctor, right, go 0:50:18.280 --> 0:50:21.400 to talk to your person. Write whoever your healthcare specialists. 0:50:21.520 --> 0:50:23.759 Is talk to them. Eat more foods that are high 0:50:24.000 --> 0:50:30.080 in photo estrogens like flat seedy and to food and uh, 0:50:30.880 --> 0:50:33.600 these can be consumed through natural food sources or supplement. 0:50:33.640 --> 0:50:35.640 So you can do this in a supplement. So you 0:50:35.719 --> 0:50:38.359 take your a pill if you're a pill person, if 0:50:38.360 --> 0:50:40.120 you like to eat it, you know on something you 0:50:40.160 --> 0:50:42.520 can do that. You got the black cohash, which I 0:50:42.560 --> 0:50:43.920 don't even know nothing about it. I have to look 0:50:43.960 --> 0:50:48.000 into that. Fore, you got macha, which I think that's 0:50:48.040 --> 0:50:49.640 how you how you pronounce it, but it's. 0:50:49.480 --> 0:50:52.239 Spelled m a c a machel root. 0:50:52.920 --> 0:50:57.320 Something called vitext is that it? And of course I 0:50:57.480 --> 0:51:02.799 favorite the Oshua goss. That's what I'm gonn name my daughter. 0:51:05.080 --> 0:51:07.960 Sounds like I like it. 0:51:08.200 --> 0:51:09.799 I like, but you gotta say it like that, can 0:51:09.880 --> 0:51:16.279 I guess? And last, but not least, we got the 0:51:16.360 --> 0:51:19.160 red clover. A review of studies found that red clover 0:51:19.400 --> 0:51:23.840 isoflavone okay supplements may help reduce the daily frequency of 0:51:23.920 --> 0:51:27.560 hot flashes from a baseline of three per day. Now 0:51:27.920 --> 0:51:31.920 I'm gonna put my little last one on here. Remember 0:51:32.520 --> 0:51:36.759 that the hot flashes and some of these symptoms are 0:51:37.440 --> 0:51:41.120 unique to the United States of America. Because of our 0:51:41.280 --> 0:51:47.759 culture of creativity and our culture of stress, depression and 0:51:47.920 --> 0:51:53.000 everything else. I can imagine that if we are intentional 0:51:53.480 --> 0:51:55.880 about changing the way we move through the world and 0:51:55.960 --> 0:51:59.800 not allowing those stresses to lead our lives, that we 0:52:00.160 --> 0:52:02.839 might see some improvement in these kinds of things as well. 0:52:03.000 --> 0:52:05.680 I want to refer back to one of our lovely 0:52:05.800 --> 0:52:11.440 guests whom I love so very much, the Nap Bishop herself, 0:52:12.040 --> 0:52:15.959 who told us in so loving a way to set 0:52:16.520 --> 0:52:22.960 your bitches down and take a nap, sist nap. 0:52:24.920 --> 0:52:27.160 But don't at chocolate before you do it, because there 0:52:27.200 --> 0:52:29.320 are also foods that are let them to sweating, and 0:52:29.400 --> 0:52:32.400 chocolate is one of them. I would just like you 0:52:32.480 --> 0:52:34.239 to also dig into that and see the things that. 0:52:34.280 --> 0:52:35.360 We eat the ad to sweat. 0:52:35.600 --> 0:52:40.360 AND's last last tip is yams sweet yeas. 0:52:41.120 --> 0:52:48.319 Okay, oh, I didn't realize. I just think in front 0:52:48.320 --> 0:52:50.120 of y'all that just okay. I'm glad I did it 0:52:50.160 --> 0:52:50.840 and didn't think about it. 0:52:50.880 --> 0:52:54.480 It was I don't have a tip because you ain't 0:52:54.560 --> 0:52:56.759 got it. I don't. I don't have a tip, but 0:52:56.920 --> 0:52:59.480 I just I just want to throw that out here 0:53:00.520 --> 0:53:04.320 to try your best. If you're if you're feeling like 0:53:04.480 --> 0:53:06.520 you're moving through the world in a in a way 0:53:07.120 --> 0:53:11.920 that isn't positive. Pay attention to to where it's all 0:53:12.000 --> 0:53:16.040 starting from. Pay attention and do some investigating. Honey, you know, 0:53:16.120 --> 0:53:20.400 I mean, you gotta you gotta know, you gotta feel it, 0:53:20.760 --> 0:53:23.640 you gotta see the energy around to change because because 0:53:23.719 --> 0:53:26.040 because you on one, you know what I mean, take 0:53:26.040 --> 0:53:28.520 a minute, You got to excuse yourself in any way, 0:53:28.560 --> 0:53:30.759 like A just said, take a nap. Maybe try to 0:53:30.800 --> 0:53:33.279 eat the right foods, have a little more water, you know, 0:53:33.440 --> 0:53:35.919 whatever it is that you need to do, because don't 0:53:35.960 --> 0:53:40.880 nobody want to experience that. Nobody know, nobody wants, No, 0:53:41.000 --> 0:53:45.120 nobody really does. Okay, So whether it's me or anybody else, 0:53:45.920 --> 0:53:48.200 I'm gonna try to hold on, hold on the mind, 0:53:48.239 --> 0:53:49.799 the bitch on my outer bitch. 0:53:49.840 --> 0:53:55.719 Still, don't implod, don't implode, jail, don't implod never, okay never. 0:53:56.200 --> 0:53:58.040 Thank you so much for listening to j dot L 0:53:58.120 --> 0:54:01.680 the podcast. It is our pleasure to have conversations that 0:54:02.000 --> 0:54:06.399 sparks conversation and action. Bless y'all. 0:54:10.000 --> 0:54:11.800 How do you eat an elephant? 0:54:12.680 --> 0:54:14.439 One by time? 0:54:16.239 --> 0:54:20.879 Hey, listeners, it's Amber the producer here. I just want 0:54:20.920 --> 0:54:24.319 to reiterate that we are not doctors, so run any 0:54:24.480 --> 0:54:27.759 type of supplements or treatments by your care team, and 0:54:27.840 --> 0:54:31.560 if any of you can relate to Laya's journey with perimenopause, 0:54:31.920 --> 0:54:35.440 I hope you embrace this as your godd it's yours. 0:54:36.239 --> 0:54:37.960 I'll drop a link in the show notes to an 0:54:38.080 --> 0:54:41.600 article that gets deeper into that queen hormone and it 0:54:41.719 --> 0:54:45.160 kind of spiritualizes that transition that Aga mentioned earlier in 0:54:45.200 --> 0:54:50.239 the episode. Our bodies are so deeply intelligent and the 0:54:50.360 --> 0:54:54.480 shifts so beautifully designed by the creator, So don't let 0:54:54.560 --> 0:54:59.239 patriarchy and capitalism get you messed up. Embrace the queen 0:54:59.320 --> 0:55:03.400 hormone and dive into you in any little ways that 0:55:03.520 --> 0:55:07.480 you can shift focus and take care of you and 0:55:07.560 --> 0:55:11.680 the little moments that you have. Again, if symptoms are 0:55:11.760 --> 0:55:14.360 heating up, there's a link in the show notes with 0:55:14.600 --> 0:55:17.040 all of the supplements that we talked about in this episode. 0:55:18.320 --> 0:55:21.120 Having a uterus, being a black woman or femme. 0:55:22.200 --> 0:55:24.439 Shake gets complicated and layered. 0:55:24.360 --> 0:55:30.280 For sure, But remember there is so much divine magic 0:55:30.600 --> 0:55:35.719 in every season, So do as Sweety does and tap 0:55:35.880 --> 0:55:36.799 tap tap in. 0:55:39.560 --> 0:55:41.400 Love you. Oh, and if you have. 0:55:41.520 --> 0:55:44.000 Anything to share about how you move through this season. 0:55:44.680 --> 0:55:47.239 Call us and leave a message at eight sixty six. 0:55:47.600 --> 0:55:51.080 Hey Jill, and share this episode with anybody that you 0:55:51.239 --> 0:55:53.920 know who is hitting that periment of pause age. 0:55:57.800 --> 0:56:03.440 Yeah yeah, Hi yeah. 0:56:05.920 --> 0:56:06.080 Hi. 0:56:06.480 --> 0:56:08.840 If you have comments on something we said in this 0:56:08.960 --> 0:56:13.319 episode called eight six six, Hey Jill, if you want 0:56:13.360 --> 0:56:16.440 to add to this conversation, that's eight six six four 0:56:16.560 --> 0:56:19.879 three nine five four five five. Don't forget to tell 0:56:19.920 --> 0:56:21.880 us your name and the episode. 0:56:21.440 --> 0:56:22.120 You're referring to. 0:56:22.680 --> 0:56:25.960 You might just hear your message on a future episode. 0:56:26.800 --> 0:56:30.400 Thank you for listening to Jill Scott Presents Jay dot L. 0:56:30.840 --> 0:56:38.239 Thepodcast Jay dot L is a production of iHeartRadio. For 0:56:38.400 --> 0:56:44.319 more podcasts from iHeartRadio, visit the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, 0:56:44.600 --> 0:56:47.200 or wherever you listen to your favorite shows.