Speaker 1: Hi, Catherine, how I see.
Speaker 2: I'm great. I'm great.
Speaker 3: I just got back from a few days in Mexico
Speaker 3: with some of my girlfriends and I love getting away
Speaker 3: with my girlfriends.
Speaker 1: Oh nice, where'd you go in Mexico?
Speaker 2: We went to kan Kun.
Speaker 3: We've got like a few hotels that we go to
Speaker 3: and they just opened up a brand new ones.
Speaker 2: We went to their brand new one. It was fantastic.
Speaker 1: Nice. Nice. I am in Europe, you, guys. I am
Speaker 1: in Parie, Grand Parie or great Peri And I'm never
Speaker 1: really sure how you say it, gayperi, gaperi.
Speaker 4: Guys.
Speaker 2: Of course my husband would get that one.
Speaker 1: And we're having a hell of a time.
Speaker 5: I'm with Molly, my cousin, Yaminika, Eric my tour manager
Speaker 5: who we call Erica, and I have shows coming up
Speaker 5: in Brussels as I'm in Brussels on May seventeenth, I'm
Speaker 5: in Amsterdam on May eighteenth, and then Oslo on May nineteenth.
Speaker 5: And I have managed to keep my shit together in
Speaker 5: Europe so far, so good, right, Yes, and we've.
Speaker 1: Adjusted to the time.
Speaker 5: We had three days in Rekuvic and we and yeah,
Speaker 5: we're ready to rumble. So we're getting it all in.
Speaker 5: We're getting it all in. I've been reading lots of
Speaker 5: books on my flights. Yes, I'm just a happy camper,
Speaker 5: very happy.
Speaker 3: We'll do a little miniso soon with a round up
Speaker 3: of all the books you've been reading and can recommend.
Speaker 5: Okay, wonderful, wonderful, And our guest today, you know from
Speaker 5: the Office and The Hangover movies, he has a new
Speaker 5: book called Snap Foo, The Definitive Guide to History's Greatest
Speaker 5: screw Ups. It is out now and it's very enjoyable.
Speaker 5: Please welcome actor, comedian and writer Ed helms Hi. Ed
Speaker 5: helms I ran into Ed recently. We were in Where
Speaker 5: were we? Oh, we were in Austin, right south by Southwest.
Speaker 5: I had I had podcast towards.
Speaker 4: Yeah, that's right.
Speaker 5: We weread I had Pasta Pasta Awards, the Pasta Awards.
Speaker 5: We were talking about all of your credits, but you
Speaker 5: missed that conversation. We were talking about where all people
Speaker 5: would know you from places like The Hangover, the Office,
Speaker 5: the Vacation Reboot movie, the Daily Show.
Speaker 1: Were you a correspondent on the day.
Speaker 4: Yeah, I was a correspondent from two thousand and two
Speaker 4: to two thousand and six.
Speaker 1: I forgot about that one. I forgot that you did that.
Speaker 4: I mean it was I made a huge impact. It was.
Speaker 6: No.
Speaker 4: Actually, it was a pretty incredible time because it was
Speaker 4: the w years and there was a chunk of time
Speaker 4: there where it was just Colbert, Me, Corderie and Sam
Speaker 4: b were the four correspondents and it was a hell
Speaker 4: of a lot of fun and an unbelievable amount of work,
Speaker 4: Like it almost broke me.
Speaker 5: Yeah, yeah, Do you ever think that you wish you
Speaker 5: were doing that during this kind of administration?
Speaker 4: No?
Speaker 1: Never, I don't either. It's too much garbage to talk
Speaker 1: about all.
Speaker 4: It's too overwhelming. John goes on once a week now
Speaker 4: and absolutely crushes it, and I love it, and the
Speaker 4: other the other correspondents now also host the show for
Speaker 4: the rest of the week, which I think is a
Speaker 4: great format because it, like yeah, gets the it really
Speaker 4: builds the I don't know the communal vibe of the show.
Speaker 4: They're killing it. It's so good. I'm going to leave
Speaker 4: it to them.
Speaker 5: And I don't want to sound sexist right now, but
Speaker 5: I just want to say, since women are allowed to
Speaker 5: talk about men in this way now, because you guys
Speaker 5: had your way with us.
Speaker 1: I just want to say that you've had some sort
Speaker 1: of glow up.
Speaker 5: And I don't want to sound condescending or patronizing it
Speaker 5: in a way, but I just want to say, you've
Speaker 5: burst into manhood.
Speaker 1: In such a way.
Speaker 5: And I think I told you this that the iHeart
Speaker 5: Podcast Awards. But you really look very handsome, your hair,
Speaker 5: You've taken off the glasses.
Speaker 1: I'm very debonair almost. I want to say, all right.
Speaker 4: All right, yeah, well I finally went through puberty.
Speaker 1: I think that's what I was. Yeah, that's what I
Speaker 1: was getting to.
Speaker 5: I was like, have you gone through it feels like
Speaker 5: you must have hit it late and that you hit
Speaker 5: it hard.
Speaker 4: Can I tell you something. I just turned fifty, First
Speaker 4: of all, I really appreciate you saying that. And I
Speaker 4: just turned fifty. Well I'm a little over a year ago, so.
Speaker 1: I'm fifty one day fifty one.
Speaker 4: But uh, I'm still in my head. I just turned fifty,
Speaker 4: and I I just kind of I'm like healthier than
Speaker 4: I've ever been. I don't know, I'm eating so much better,
Speaker 4: I'm more active. I also have two little kids that
Speaker 4: keep me like very much on my toes.
Speaker 1: Have you dot maternity test for the children?
Speaker 4: No, why should I just to make sure.
Speaker 5: You're their father. I mean, yeah, why wouldn't you should?
Speaker 4: Why wouldn't I? Yeah, because I'm pretty sure I'm their dad.
Speaker 1: Yeah, but that's not one hundred guarantee.
Speaker 3: You know.
Speaker 4: Wait, what are you doing? You're just lobbing doubt into
Speaker 4: my my long term marriage out there.
Speaker 1: I just want you to be you know, have all
Speaker 1: the information. I don't know that you.
Speaker 4: Do arbitrarily ruthless thing to just like throw into a conversation,
Speaker 4: have you had a paternity? Is good?
Speaker 1: I like that, right, I like that combo platter.
Speaker 5: You would also know ed Helms from his podcast because
Speaker 5: it's called Snaphu, just like his new book that's out.
Speaker 1: It's called Snaphoo, which.
Speaker 5: Is a great book to have around the house, and
Speaker 5: I would eat Catherine even suggested to have in your bathroom.
Speaker 2: It's a perfect bathroom.
Speaker 1: It's a perfect hardrom book.
Speaker 4: I'm not judging. Read it anywhere you want, and it's
Speaker 4: and you're right, Actually it is a good bathroom book
Speaker 4: because it's so episodic. Right, it's Snapfoo, the Definitive Guide
Speaker 4: to History's Greatest screw ups, and each chapter is a
Speaker 4: different historical screw up. So yeah, it's perfect. If you
Speaker 4: got five minutes here, just pick up, read a few pages, enjoy.
Speaker 4: Might even help get things moving. I don't know.
Speaker 5: Absolutely, I mean it is it's a very relaxing book
Speaker 5: because I mean, and it's very interesting. I mean, you're
Speaker 5: a big history buff and you kind of take all
Speaker 5: of history's blunders and talk about them.
Speaker 1: Not all of them, but I mean, who could count
Speaker 1: all of them?
Speaker 5: I mean, can you imagine what's going to happen after
Speaker 5: this administration in one hundred years when people, I mean,
Speaker 5: if they're still the planet and people can reflect. This
Speaker 5: is a great piece of This book is comprised of
Speaker 5: lots of stuff that nobody I mean, what I've read
Speaker 5: so far, none of these stories I've ever heard, so
Speaker 5: it's very interesting.
Speaker 1: I of course was drawn to the LSD story immediately.
Speaker 7: You go.
Speaker 5: Let me just read the title of that chapter or
Speaker 5: the caption for that chapter. In the nineteen fifties, a
Speaker 5: CIA scientists secretly bought the entire world supply of LSD,
Speaker 5: embarking on a horrific attempt to discover the secrets to
Speaker 5: mind control.
Speaker 4: Mm hmmm, yeah, that's the story of mk Ultra, which
Speaker 4: a lot of people know it's a relatively out there incident.
Speaker 4: But yeah, Sidney Gottlieb was this CIA scientist who just
Speaker 4: started drugging people, and George white Wash one of his underlings,
Speaker 4: who actually, this is so insane. This was all under
Speaker 4: like official government activity. They built a apartment in San
Speaker 4: Francisco that had a double wall with a glass mirror
Speaker 4: where he could sit there and watch, and he had
Speaker 4: sex workers bring customers back and then they would drug
Speaker 4: these customers and presumably also have their sexy time, and
Speaker 4: he was just sort of taking notes and god knows
Speaker 4: what else behind this double mirror. And this was all
Speaker 4: in the name.
Speaker 2: Of science, your tax dollars at work.
Speaker 4: Your tax dollars. And at the end of it, when
Speaker 4: it was all exposed, they came clean, like we actually
Speaker 4: gathered zero scientific data from this. It's like, this guy,
Speaker 4: we learned nothing behind a wall.
Speaker 5: It does, and so I don't know why, And so
Speaker 5: I don't like the way it besmirches LSD's reputation, you
Speaker 5: know what I mean, Why did LSD have to be
Speaker 5: involved in this?
Speaker 1: This guy was just trying to get his rocks off.
Speaker 5: When I read this, I was like, where does LSD
Speaker 5: even come into play that you're able to control someone
Speaker 5: sexually via LSD.
Speaker 4: Well, there was a big LSD was so new, and
Speaker 4: there was there was this sort of like international competition
Speaker 4: with the Soviets, like the Cold War was flaring up,
Speaker 4: like is mind control a weapon that we can use?
Speaker 4: Or is LSD maybe this crazy truth serum like how
Speaker 4: does it affect people? And can we weaponize it or
Speaker 4: use it in advantageous ways? And yes, it just devolved
Speaker 4: into like a guy jerking off behind a glass mirror,
Speaker 4: like watching people. And it's so much darker than that too,
Speaker 4: Like they wound up drugging prisoners. They wound up drugging
Speaker 4: people that they would go into bars and drug people
Speaker 4: and then observe them for hours afterwards and just basically
Speaker 4: watch them melt down on these crazy acid trips that
Speaker 4: they had no idea that they were going on. People
Speaker 4: thought they were going insane. And this is a very
Speaker 4: weird factoid. Whitey Bulger, who is the famous Boston mob
Speaker 4: boss who recently died, when he was in federal prison
Speaker 4: in Atlanta, I think in the sixties, he agreed to
Speaker 4: be experimented on in this way and for months he
Speaker 4: was given these intense psychedelics, and he says that it
Speaker 4: gave him these like violent visions or the rest of
Speaker 4: his life, like he would have horrible nightmares and violent visions.
Speaker 4: So I don't know, maybe the CIA helped create the
Speaker 4: monster that Whitey Bulger became.
Speaker 5: I would just also like to say, this is not
Speaker 5: how LSD is anymore. You don't have to take LSD
Speaker 5: like this. LSD can be microdose. I'm a big proponent
Speaker 5: of microdosing LSD. This is not a microdis this is
Speaker 5: like megato.
Speaker 4: These are mega doses. They're also involuntary, and they're in
Speaker 4: terrible contexts torturous.
Speaker 1: Imagine being put on that, yeah.
Speaker 4: Literally torturous. So wait, I am so curious about this.
Speaker 4: I've never done like a serious I've never had like
Speaker 4: a serious psychedelic experience, and I want you to tell
Speaker 4: me what I should do, Like how do I dip
Speaker 4: my toe into this? Because I'm fascinated by it and
Speaker 4: I don't want to.
Speaker 5: I mean, microdosing is kind of like a whole New
Speaker 5: World head like it just you could easily take one
Speaker 5: on a workday, take a microdose of LSD.
Speaker 1: You could even rip it in half.
Speaker 5: Their little paper tablets like they've always but I get
Speaker 5: mine from Canada. I get all the best drugs from Canada,
Speaker 5: the purest drugs, I should say, from Canada. But microdos
Speaker 5: really changes the game because then you don't ever have
Speaker 5: to feel like you're being overwhelmed or you have to
Speaker 5: go sit down in a corner while you get you know,
Speaker 5: like you don't feel that way, just like watch the
Speaker 5: clock and you're like, I'm gonna be okay.
Speaker 1: Yeah, And it's not like that.
Speaker 5: I don't want anybody sitting in a corner. I don't
Speaker 5: want anyone freaking out. But I do think of it
Speaker 5: as like an enhancement, like a life enhancement, a performance enhancement,
Speaker 5: especially if I'm outdoor exercising, if I'm on a big
Speaker 5: bike ride, or if I'm on a big ski day.
Speaker 1: I love to take a little LSD.
Speaker 5: It just is like it's like an upper of energy, enthusiasm, calm,
Speaker 5: Like it makes you less nervous if I'm going helly skiing,
Speaker 5: Like it just really intensifies your focus in a way
Speaker 5: that is beneficial.
Speaker 1: To your experience.
Speaker 4: Who are you?
Speaker 1: I actually write that down because hell, what did I
Speaker 1: just say? It feels like I'm on LC right now and.
Speaker 3: I'm not now would you have a start with LSD
Speaker 3: or like try a mushroom situation for I think they're.
Speaker 5: All different, Like mushrooms are good too, I'm not, you know,
Speaker 5: I'm more into the LSD right now, just because it's
Speaker 5: had such a positive impact on so many people in
Speaker 5: my life. The MDMA is different MDMA. Some people can
Speaker 5: have a great reaction to that that's also a microdose.
Speaker 5: But MDMA to me is the love drugs. So that's
Speaker 5: a heart opener. And what I love ed about all
Speaker 5: these drugs is that they kill the ego, So there's
Speaker 5: no ego, like you're just like open instead of any
Speaker 5: sort of negative thoughts, you're just kind of eradicated, like
Speaker 5: even people you dislike you like when you're on these drugs.
Speaker 1: And I think that really just says it all.
Speaker 5: So a lot of couples counseling, like a lot of
Speaker 5: couples will have MDMA guided couples counseling, because when you
Speaker 5: take the MDMA, there's no defensiveness. You're both just open
Speaker 5: to hearing the other person's argument. So there's been a
Speaker 5: lot of success and the reason why I was drawn
Speaker 5: to it in the first place and I don't really
Speaker 5: I don't know if I have massive PTSD to anything,
Speaker 5: but is that it's helped so many people with PTSD,
Speaker 5: so many veterans, so many people who have been through
Speaker 5: bad experiences.
Speaker 1: And that's scientific.
Speaker 5: I mean, like the data is there, so so yeah,
Speaker 5: you can't argue with that. And you know, I think
Speaker 5: we're in a place where, you know, drugs come on
Speaker 5: the scene in the way that you describe in your
Speaker 5: book in this chapter, and then over this period of time,
Speaker 5: look where we've come. You know, we've realized, Okay, that's
Speaker 5: too much, this is the right amount. So it's like
Speaker 5: any other substance, you have to figure out what the
Speaker 5: right balance is.
Speaker 4: Yeah.
Speaker 1: Wow, But I'm an advocate.
Speaker 4: That's so fascinating and I'm so curious. And I have
Speaker 4: had friends, you know, do the MDMA couples counseling and
Speaker 4: had had wonderful experiences. And I had a lot of
Speaker 4: friends in college just kind of having fun with various psychedelics.
Speaker 4: And I've always been a little bit I don't know,
Speaker 4: intimidated or something, but micro dosing feels like a nice,
Speaker 4: a good baby step because I do want to I
Speaker 4: just want to kind of like I don't know, mix
Speaker 4: it up a little bit. I like what you're saying.
Speaker 4: If it allows me to go Hella skiing, then yeah,
Speaker 4: I'm a Hella on board.
Speaker 1: So where did you go to college?
Speaker 4: At Oberlin College in Ohio that used.
Speaker 1: To do it?
Speaker 7: Well?
Speaker 5: I know Oberlin. Yeah, that's a very well respected school.
Speaker 5: I thought that was a women's college. Did it used
Speaker 5: to be a women's college?
Speaker 4: No?
Speaker 1: Oh no.
Speaker 4: In fact, it's the first college in the United States
Speaker 4: to admit women. So yeah, that's one of its claims
Speaker 4: to fame. It's always been a very progressive, kind of
Speaker 4: intellectually exciting place. And it has a Conservatory of music
Speaker 4: as well, the Oberlin Conservatory that is a world renowned,
Speaker 4: you know, music study place.
Speaker 5: And what did you study there? Did you study? Did
Speaker 5: you study acting?
Speaker 4: No? I mean I did. I took I was in
Speaker 4: some plays and took some acting classes. But I studied
Speaker 4: I kind of out of a funny academic journey.
Speaker 1: I started out hynecology.
Speaker 4: Yeah. I was like, guys, I want to be a
Speaker 4: gynecology major. They're like, we don't have that, you can't
Speaker 4: do that, And I was like, well, here's my natology.
Speaker 4: When's kidding? So I said, I wanted to be a
Speaker 4: geology major because I loved being outdoors. I was kind
Speaker 4: of like, I loved camping and hiking and all these things.
Speaker 4: I was like, geology, that's the that's what geologists do
Speaker 4: for a living. And then I got into the hard
Speaker 4: science courses and I was like, none, this is terrible.
Speaker 4: I am not cut out for this. And I kind
Speaker 4: of did a gut check and I really wanted to
Speaker 4: make movies and be in movies and work on movies,
Speaker 4: and so I became a film major. But Oberlin didn't
Speaker 4: really have that at the time. They do now, but
Speaker 4: at the time they had a film minor, and so
Speaker 4: I was able to do this weird thing where you
Speaker 4: design your own major. And I cobbled together like different
Speaker 4: acting classes and directing, you know, theater directing with the
Speaker 4: film courses, and then I spent a semester at the
Speaker 4: in You Film School one spring. I spent the whole
Speaker 4: semester there and that was so so cool and eye opening,
Speaker 4: and so I graduated with a kind of made up
Speaker 4: major that was a basically a film major.
Speaker 1: Well that's nice that they were able. You're able to
Speaker 1: do that. There's not a lot of schools that allow
Speaker 1: you to make up your own major.
Speaker 4: You really have to make it sound legit. But I
Speaker 4: was always a good kind of salesman. I could. I could, like,
Speaker 4: you know, charm the committee and then and it worked.
Speaker 4: I got Yeah, I graduated.
Speaker 5: Yeah, yeah, well you did. I mean, you've been entertaining
Speaker 5: us for a long time. I like that you're able
Speaker 5: to marry your careers together and do this kind of
Speaker 5: stuff that you're really interested in, also this historical stuff,
Speaker 5: while being very entertaining. I also I worked closely with
Speaker 5: Zach alifan Acus for a while on the road, well
Speaker 5: not as long as you did on the hangover, but
Speaker 5: on the road. And I have a great Zach Alfanakas
Speaker 5: story that I shared recently about him. Well, I have
Speaker 5: a couple of Zach elephant stories. But I want to
Speaker 5: know about your experience working with Zach Alifanakis because I
Speaker 5: think Zach is probably the funniest person I know.
Speaker 1: He's the thing.
Speaker 4: I think you're right. I think he's the funniest person.
Speaker 5: He reminds me of a human snufhalophagus, and that's not
Speaker 5: because his scalp also isn't quite set to the top
Speaker 5: of his head. He doesn't have a hard scalp. He
Speaker 5: has a baby scalp. Okay, I've tugged on it. I
Speaker 5: haven't seen him in years, but when I was spending
Speaker 5: time with him, I couldn't. He'd always be like, touched
Speaker 5: my scalp and it was always soft. You know how
Speaker 5: baby scalps are soft while they're forming and like a skull. Yeah, yeah,
Speaker 5: and they've got that little spot where until he doesn't
Speaker 5: really get hard. His is never hardened. So I'm not
Speaker 5: sure what kind of creature he is.
Speaker 4: Well, he's a snuffs like you said, he's yeah, he's
Speaker 4: a humanus. I love a Sesame Street reference. Thank you
Speaker 4: for bringing that in.
Speaker 1: Yeah, no problem, absolutely, it's history.
Speaker 4: I you know someone I read somewhere that someone described
Speaker 4: Oscar Wilde as like the sharpest wit they had ever known,
Speaker 4: and that he was like the fastest with a with
Speaker 4: azinger or a comeback or just a kind of quip
Speaker 4: or a joke or a comment on a moment. And
Speaker 4: that's Zach. I've never seen the speed that he like
Speaker 4: delivers a quip off of a situation, like or you
Speaker 4: say something dumb, and he like instantly has the the
Speaker 4: kind of zinger or or come back, and it's not
Speaker 4: always it's not always a zinger like a kind of
Speaker 4: mean spirited thing. Sometimes it's just a silly, ridiculous thing.
Speaker 4: But it's it's sharp, and it's it's smart, and it's
Speaker 4: so fast. Like his brain is just in a different
Speaker 4: gear than everyone else's. It's sort of like when Keanu
Speaker 4: reeves in the Matrix, like realizes he's the one, and
Speaker 4: all of a sudden, he's like everyone else's is in
Speaker 4: slow motion because they're in reality, and he's just like, oh,
Speaker 4: this is easy. That's how I think Zach's comedy brain works.
Speaker 4: He's just ahead of everybody else. And Todd used to
Speaker 4: Todd Phillips the director on the Hangover. Sometimes he direct
Speaker 4: from afar, like a lot of directors. He s would
Speaker 4: sort of sit at the monitors or somewhere sort of
Speaker 4: off to the side with his own little monitor, and
Speaker 4: he'd call out things to us, and then Zach would
Speaker 4: always kind of zing back at him, and Todd was
Speaker 4: just like always like, unbelievable, unbelievable.
Speaker 5: He just has the quickest, highest and the driest because
Speaker 5: he's never laughing at himself.
Speaker 1: No, he's and he's not loud. He's quiet. Yes, it's
Speaker 1: like quiet and under the radar and sweet.
Speaker 4: There's a sweetness to all of it. You know. I
Speaker 4: feel like there's certain comedians that can get away with
Speaker 4: pretty aggressive insults or yes, just kind of like dark, darker,
Speaker 4: or things that would on paper be extremely mean spirited,
Speaker 4: but because you know that they have such a big
Speaker 4: heart and they're such kind of sweet people, you're just like,
Speaker 4: it's the funniest thing. You give them so much leeway
Speaker 4: with that. And he's definitely one of those people.
Speaker 1: Yeah, he used to. He probably still does this where
Speaker 1: he plays a piano on set.
Speaker 5: He goes on, he'll go up to the improv and
Speaker 5: just play the piano in between jokes, so there's just
Speaker 5: like this dramatic effect for absolutely no reason. And he
Speaker 5: had this joke where he's like, I thought about killing
Speaker 5: myself today and then plays like three bars and he's like,
Speaker 5: so I jumped off the roof of a pizza hut,
Speaker 5: but I.
Speaker 1: Only broke my leg.
Speaker 5: And you're like, that wouldn't be funny from anyone else
Speaker 5: at all except for you in that fucking piano. And
Speaker 5: he's just so ridiculous. So he used to we I
Speaker 5: had to sleep. I was really broke and I was
Speaker 5: doing San Francisco Punchline. He was the middle David Tel
Speaker 5: was the headliner, and I was opening and I had
Speaker 5: no money. So to Zach's like, you can sleep in
Speaker 5: my hotel room at the Commodore, and I was like, okay,
Speaker 5: thank you. And then and he said, you know, I
Speaker 5: promise you're safe with me, and I was like, I
Speaker 5: believe you. I think I could take you physically, so
Speaker 5: I'm not concerned. And we would get to bed and
Speaker 5: I and I had a terrible week. I was like
Speaker 5: my first week on the professional road with like two big,
Speaker 5: like heavy hitters, and I, you know, I didn't know
Speaker 5: what I was doing. And every night I'd be so upset, like, fuck,
Speaker 5: what am I gonna do?
Speaker 1: What am I gonna do? He's like, this is part
Speaker 1: of it. You know, you got a bomb. You got
Speaker 1: a bomb.
Speaker 5: And then he'd put we'd go to bed and we'd
Speaker 5: sleep in the same bed with our clothes on, and
Speaker 5: he would rub my hair before I went to sleep,
Speaker 5: and he would whisper in my ear, I will never
Speaker 5: rape you.
Speaker 1: God, Oh my god, such a sweet memory.
Speaker 4: Is it a sweet memory?
Speaker 7: Yeah?
Speaker 5: I think it is it is a sweet, sweet memory.
Speaker 5: I've never had anyone say that to me.
Speaker 4: You're right that in the in just yeah, that's just
Speaker 4: what I was saying before, Like he's such a big hearted,
Speaker 4: sweet person that he can make that joke and actually
Speaker 4: make you laugh, because anyone else who said that to somebody,
Speaker 4: it almost sounds like I'm definitely going to do that.
Speaker 1: On that note, we're going to take a break with
Speaker 1: ed Helm, so we'll be right back.
Speaker 3: If you'd like advice from Chelsea, right into us at
Speaker 3: Dear Chelsea podcast at gmail dot com. We'd love to
Speaker 3: hear your questions for any juicy story you'd like advice on,
Speaker 3: but this week we're specifically looking for questions about family issues.
Speaker 2: If you have an issue with a family member, or
Speaker 2: you need.
Speaker 3: Advice about a specific relationship issue, please write in at
Speaker 3: Dear Chelsea podcast at gmail dot com.
Speaker 1: And we're back with ed Helm. So you have to
Speaker 1: pick up this book.
Speaker 5: It's called Snaffoo, The Definitive Guide to History's Greatest screw Ups,
Speaker 5: and it's all the greatest grew ups historically in this
Speaker 5: country and others. Actually lots of it takes place on
Speaker 5: other lands. But it's a great book to have around,
Speaker 5: especially to pick up and put down when you want
Speaker 5: to get a little piece of information. And it's great.
Speaker 5: They're great talking points for conversation starters. I know a
Speaker 5: lot of people conversation starters.
Speaker 4: Yeah, and it'll make you like a killer at dinner parties.
Speaker 4: You've just got you've got a whole arsenal of great stories.
Speaker 5: And it's a great gift, by the way, it's a
Speaker 5: great gift to give to somebody.
Speaker 2: Yeah, especially a great guy gift I feel like.
Speaker 3: And I also like that you say in the beginning,
Speaker 3: You're like, you know what we've been through, like shit
Speaker 3: before and like problems and like stupid mistakes before, Like
Speaker 3: hopefully we'll survive everything that's going on now as well.
Speaker 5: Yes, it's a great reminder of that everybody thought that
Speaker 5: it was the end of the world many many times
Speaker 5: in our history, especially in the fifties, where some people
Speaker 5: look back at as one of the best times in America.
Speaker 5: People were scared to death of dying from a nuclear
Speaker 5: bomb during that time.
Speaker 2: Yeah.
Speaker 1: Yeah, Ed depicts in his book.
Speaker 4: Yeah, it's always like the history of human folly is
Speaker 4: so overwhelming when you look back on it and Weirdly,
Speaker 4: I find that calming because we just keep moving. Yeah,
Speaker 4: this is a scary time that we're in right now.
Speaker 4: It just it doesn't matter what your political disposition is.
Speaker 4: Like it feels volatile, it feels like the division is crazy,
Speaker 4: like unusual, but it isn't that unusual. We have been
Speaker 4: in very similar situations in the past. I'm not saying
Speaker 4: don't be afraid or don't be like, don't work to
Speaker 4: make the changes you want to see in the world.
Speaker 4: But I am saying I'm just there's reassurance in this,
Speaker 4: in looking back and seeing like, oh, people did sort
Speaker 4: of fight through something or get through something and we
Speaker 4: got to a better place.
Speaker 1: Absolutely.
Speaker 2: Well, are we ready for some advice?
Speaker 1: Yes, it's going to give advice and you're gonna be
Speaker 1: great at this.
Speaker 2: Yeah, you actually you're gonna be We.
Speaker 5: Have live callers, we've written callers, people calling in they
Speaker 5: need help, and here you are at helms.
Speaker 1: Here you are to help.
Speaker 4: All right, I'm here for it.
Speaker 3: Well, our first question has to do with having a
Speaker 3: long history with someone, since we're talking a lot about
Speaker 3: history today. The subject is office friendship gone awry, and
Speaker 3: this one's just an email. She's not calling in Okay,
Speaker 3: Dear Chelsea. I work with a friend who have known
Speaker 3: for twelve years. She referred me to the job we
Speaker 3: work at. She trained me and everything. However, she's a
Speaker 3: gatekeeper and always wants to be the hero at work.
Speaker 3: She's also loud and obnoxious when she talks about how
Speaker 3: we used to be ratchet and all, which was so
Speaker 3: long ago.
Speaker 2: She's kind of annoying in that sense.
Speaker 3: I find myself at times asking her to keep it
Speaker 3: down because we're at work. Also, nobody wants to hear that,
Speaker 3: and frankly, it's embarrassing. I'm now avoiding her outside of
Speaker 3: work too. I don't know how to handle her. She
Speaker 3: overshares and I don't want to be a part of it.
Speaker 3: She also seems jealous when I hang with other managers
Speaker 3: and coworkers. I'm not kissing ass, but I'm a social person.
Speaker 3: How do I manage the situation? Since I have to
Speaker 3: see her every day, I'm becoming resentful?
Speaker 2: Ugh, love you and take care, Sammy.
Speaker 5: Did she say at the beginning that this person was
Speaker 5: her superior at work?
Speaker 2: No, but she got her the job?
Speaker 1: Oh she the woman got hurt the job?
Speaker 2: Or she yeah, the other the woman got her the job.
Speaker 1: Oh, I see, I see. So that's also but.
Speaker 4: We don't know if they're we don't know if what
Speaker 4: their status is.
Speaker 1: Yeah, we don't.
Speaker 2: We're not sure about that.
Speaker 1: But all right, I think that's it easy.
Speaker 5: I think that you just that's a conversation and in
Speaker 5: person conversation on one where you go to lunch, you
Speaker 5: go to coffee, and you say, listen, I know we
Speaker 5: had a lot of like wild times and a fun past,
Speaker 5: but like I feel like I've grown up a lot,
Speaker 5: and I feel like we've both grown up a lot.
Speaker 5: You know, don't make it just about you being like
Speaker 5: superior to her in that way, like you're mature and
Speaker 5: she isn't be Like, we've both grown up a lot,
Speaker 5: and like sometimes it's like I feel like it's a
Speaker 5: little embarrassing when I hear you talk about our past
Speaker 5: in front of our co workers. And I totally get it,
Speaker 5: Like it's fun and those were the best times. But like,
Speaker 5: I think we have to have some sort of evolution,
Speaker 5: especially professionally in a setting where I want to be
Speaker 5: taken seriously and I don't want to take the fun
Speaker 5: out of it. But I also don't want to start
Speaker 5: avoiding you, you know, don't.
Speaker 1: Act like it's already happened.
Speaker 5: Just say like I'm starting to feel like I do
Speaker 5: want to kind of avoid you and take my own space,
Speaker 5: and I don't want to feel that way about you
Speaker 5: at all. I want to maintain this relationship but also
Speaker 5: take it to the next level of like maturity and evolution.
Speaker 5: Like we're all going to have to grow up at
Speaker 5: some point, and you don't have to grow up and
Speaker 5: make it sound boring, but grow up and make it
Speaker 5: sound like, Okay, now we're going to do different stuff.
Speaker 5: And we don't have to like live in the past,
Speaker 5: because that's also a thing that people get stuck in.
Speaker 1: It's like living.
Speaker 5: They want to constantly live in like the best time
Speaker 5: that they had, which is like that varsity high school attitude,
Speaker 5: like when you peak in high school, you want to
Speaker 5: live in high school for the.
Speaker 4: Rest of your life. God damn, that's good, Chelsea. You're
Speaker 4: good at this, And that's the real deal. That's the
Speaker 4: that's like the that's the advice. That is good advice. Whoever,
Speaker 4: the listener should definitely follow that advice. Now, I'm gonna
Speaker 4: give you some bad advice. Great, I think that you
Speaker 4: should fight the woman start slipping like massive doses of
Speaker 4: LSD into their coffee. Perfect, And it's also just mk
Speaker 4: ultra them and then also just subtly sabotage them at
Speaker 4: work in all kinds of different ways, you know, just
Speaker 4: like mess up their files. Like if they hand something in,
Speaker 4: see if you can grab it and take it so
Speaker 4: it's late, So it's late and they get in trouble.
Speaker 4: Is that helpful?
Speaker 1: I don't know, perfect, I think that's going to be
Speaker 1: very helpful.
Speaker 4: No, I but truly, Chelsea, it's so fun hearing you
Speaker 4: just like jump on that with the most constructive angle,
Speaker 4: just like hey, jump in and talk to this person
Speaker 4: and just everything that you wrote in that email, that's
Speaker 4: pretty much what that's your script. Like you can say
Speaker 4: that to this person and find the positive top spin
Speaker 4: on it, find the language that gives it connectivity instead
Speaker 4: of just like accusation and frustration. But get into it.
Speaker 4: That's what I heard. That was like the main thing
Speaker 4: was like just jump right into.
Speaker 5: It, get into it, because I think avoidance is just
Speaker 5: always the you know that is like nobody gets anywhere by.
Speaker 1: Being an avoidant.
Speaker 4: Where did you grow up, Chelsea?
Speaker 1: In New Jersey?
Speaker 4: There you go. See, I grew up in Atlanta, Georgia,
Speaker 4: and my mom's from Tennessee, my dad's from Alabama, and
Speaker 4: it's a lot of like we don't talk about that.
Speaker 1: Yeah, it's a.
Speaker 4: Lot of like discomfort with like avoidance is a is
Speaker 4: like on like a policy in the South. Sometimes.
Speaker 1: Did you grow up Southern Baptist?
Speaker 5: No?
Speaker 4: No, my parents were pretty progressive politically and religiously, but
Speaker 4: we went to a Presbyterian church, which I liked, actually
Speaker 4: liked a lot, and I know my parents valued a lot.
Speaker 4: But they also after church, they would always be like,
Speaker 4: this stuff is kind of made up, but we just
Speaker 4: this is a good community institution and we like a
Speaker 4: lot of the people. But you don't have to believe
Speaker 4: the actual you know, they would sort of undermine the
Speaker 4: religiosity of it, which.
Speaker 1: Is a great attitude.
Speaker 5: I read a quote one saying, like, you know, you're
Speaker 5: not praying people who sit down and pray. It's not
Speaker 5: about who you're praying to, it's the act of praying.
Speaker 5: It creates a better surrounding for the whole world. Yes, right,
Speaker 5: like the fact that people are praying, you know, as
Speaker 5: long as you're praying for like peace, and the world
Speaker 5: and love and goodness. It doesn't matter what you're saying,
Speaker 5: it's the act of It is an act in itself.
Speaker 4: Yeah, it's the articulation of thoughts and ideas that have
Speaker 4: power in you. And I kind of think of therapy
Speaker 4: as the same way. It's like, weirdly, therapy can be
Speaker 4: a sort of prayer because you're giving voice and externalizing
Speaker 4: these things that have sort of may have chewed you
Speaker 4: up inside for a long time or felt insurmountable, but
Speaker 4: as soon as they're outside of your body, literally just
Speaker 4: the words take form and leave your mouth and then
Speaker 4: it's outside of you in a way that feels manageable
Speaker 4: or feels like you're approaching manageable of these like difficult things.
Speaker 5: Yeah, therapy is like helping you be a better person
Speaker 5: in the world. Right, So that's that's a gift to
Speaker 5: everybody who has to come into contact with you by
Speaker 5: not internalizing all of those thoughts or things that you're
Speaker 5: going through. Also, meditation is a form of prayer, you know,
Speaker 5: if you look at it that way, it's a form
Speaker 5: of like, Okay, I'm trying you know, you're setting an intention,
Speaker 5: you're trying to calm your thoughts and actually be a
Speaker 5: more well balanced person. So that's a form of prior too,
Speaker 5: So all of that stuff is good as a tool
Speaker 5: to be a better person.
Speaker 1: In the world.
Speaker 3: Well, our next question comes from Amanda, and before we
Speaker 3: let Amanda in, I thought this would be a perfect
Speaker 3: question for you, Ed, since you played a character who
Speaker 3: was broken up with while on a yacht, so Amanda
Speaker 3: is really going through it. Subject line is heartbreak on
Speaker 3: a yacht Dear Chelsea. A month ago, me and my
Speaker 3: partner of four years split up. Three weeks prior he
Speaker 3: had ended it and I was devastated.
Speaker 2: He resigned. We work on a yacht together and I
Speaker 2: packed my bags.
Speaker 3: I didn't want to give him an opportunity to panic
Speaker 3: and change his mind, but sure enough he asked me
Speaker 3: to stay and I did. Three weeks later, he hooks
Speaker 3: up with our friend and coworker. The relationship ended and
Speaker 3: he told me he would resign. Typically on boats, as
Speaker 3: we all live and work together, when a couple splits up,
Speaker 3: there's an honor code that the one who ends it
Speaker 3: is the one to leave. I took six weeks unpaid
Speaker 3: leave so I could fly home and be with my
Speaker 3: support system and give him time to finish out his
Speaker 3: contract and not risk losing any pay. When I was leaving,
Speaker 3: he told me he was going to do everything he
Speaker 3: could to find a way forward for us. A month
Speaker 3: after the breakup, he calls to say this separation is
Speaker 3: the right thing and he won't be resigning. Neither he
Speaker 3: nor the person he hooked up with resigned. The last
Speaker 3: thing I want to do is give up my job.
Speaker 3: I love what I do. I just got a new contract,
Speaker 3: but the thought of being trapped on a boat together
Speaker 3: and having to see him every day feels daunting. And
Speaker 3: there is an update that happened just yesterday. She got
Speaker 3: a call that her contract was canceled and theirs was not.
Speaker 2: So Amanda's really going through it.
Speaker 5: Oh, I'm sorry, Hi Amanda, Hi, Hi Hidy miss ed
Speaker 5: Helm's our special guest today.
Speaker 7: Oh my gosh, hello, lovely to meet you.
Speaker 4: Likewise, I'm so sorry for all this. Yah, just this
Speaker 4: hard ship. Get it. I'm gonna throw a pun in there,
Speaker 4: right right out of.
Speaker 1: Zach Alfanakus territory.
Speaker 4: Yeah, mad, this does sound tough. So are you with
Speaker 4: your support system now?
Speaker 6: Yeah?
Speaker 7: I've been with my family and my friends, so I'm
Speaker 7: very fortunate to have them. But yes, as Catherine said,
Speaker 7: as of yesterday, I've been let go as a result.
Speaker 7: So I guess now it's a whole different ballgame of
Speaker 7: how to proceed.
Speaker 4: So, did you lose this lose this contract because of
Speaker 4: the sort of messiness of the situation?
Speaker 7: Yes, I was told it was due to the extenuating circumstances.
Speaker 1: So is he it has a senior position, a more
Speaker 1: senior position than you do.
Speaker 7: Yes, he is a high ranking person, so yeah, he,
Speaker 7: I guess, got priority.
Speaker 5: Okay, and does a woman work on the yacht too?
Speaker 5: I was confused by who resigned and who resigned?
Speaker 7: Okay, no one's resigned, but yes, the person he hooked
Speaker 7: up with, they both are still Okay.
Speaker 1: Well that's in.
Speaker 5: You can't go back to that situation, so it's time
Speaker 5: to find another position, right on a different yacht.
Speaker 4: Yeah, how hard is that?
Speaker 7: I have no doubt that I'll be able to find
Speaker 7: another job. I'm not concerned about that. I'm very capable. Yeah,
Speaker 7: so I guess with Catherine. Initially, I was just I guess,
Speaker 7: hoping to find a way to navigate through this. But
Speaker 7: even now people are telling me to try to peel
Speaker 7: the termination. So yeah, I'm just a bit of a
Speaker 7: loss right now.
Speaker 5: I honestly really wouldn't pursue that. What a waste of
Speaker 5: your time and energy?
Speaker 1: Why why you're ya?
Speaker 4: It seems like winning that appeal puts you in a
Speaker 4: worse position right where you're not where you're on the
Speaker 4: boat with this sort of toxic.
Speaker 6: Yeah.
Speaker 4: I agree, And there's something there is something about like
Speaker 4: having distance from having physical distance from the pain the
Speaker 4: source of the of this pain can be incredibly healing.
Speaker 4: Just have just not like you said, like you intuitively
Speaker 4: understood kind of being in that presence seeing him every
Speaker 4: day so forth, that would just kind of keep you
Speaker 4: in this laundry cycle of frustration, anger, hurt, all of it.
Speaker 4: So embrace the distance.
Speaker 1: Are you okay with doing that?
Speaker 7: Like?
Speaker 1: Are you are you ready to do that?
Speaker 5: Like, I mean, I think you need to heal and
Speaker 5: move on and go and find yourself in a completely
Speaker 5: new environment. I'm so happy to hear that you know
Speaker 5: that you're capable enough to get another job.
Speaker 1: I mean, I know this is kind of it's a.
Speaker 5: Small community of people who work on boats and meaning
Speaker 5: it can seem like a large one, but really it
Speaker 5: isn't it's a smaller community. So like, if you're good
Speaker 5: at your job, you're going to get another job on
Speaker 5: a yacht.
Speaker 7: Yeah, No, I have no doubts about that. I guess
Speaker 7: it's just been the whole process has been so devastating,
Speaker 7: just at every turn. And then yeah, yesterday was like
Speaker 7: I didn't even I didn't believe that it could get
Speaker 7: to this point where I would be fired. And I understand,
Speaker 7: I'm like big picture eyes, like you guys are saying
Speaker 7: this is the best thing to get away from it
Speaker 7: and all that. I guess I'm just still reeling from totally,
Speaker 7: which is totally understandable.
Speaker 5: And give yourself grace, give yourself time, Like you're not
Speaker 5: supposed to get over these things in a week or
Speaker 5: two weeks or even a month or two months.
Speaker 1: This is a big situation. You were with him for
Speaker 1: four years.
Speaker 5: You have every right to be upset, to feel your grief,
Speaker 5: to go through all of the emotions and all the
Speaker 5: stages of emotions that don't come in the order that
Speaker 5: people tell you that they're going to come in and
Speaker 5: just when you think you're out of the woods, it
Speaker 5: hits you again. But be honest about your feelings, which
Speaker 5: you are doing. You're called in here, You're having an
Speaker 5: honest conversation with people you don't know about how you're
Speaker 5: feeling and how hurtful this is and how shocking it is.
Speaker 5: Have you heard about the new Mail Robbins book Let
Speaker 5: Them the Let Them theory?
Speaker 1: Yes?
Speaker 7: I have. I actually listened to the episode with you
Speaker 7: and Herry yesterday on a run. I was like, I
Speaker 7: need something.
Speaker 5: Yeah, read that book, because you have to let him,
Speaker 5: let her, let them, let them do their thing, and
Speaker 5: be grateful that you're not in the mix to have
Speaker 5: to witness any of that.
Speaker 4: Are you concerned at all about yours sort of standing
Speaker 4: in this community?
Speaker 7: Well, that's the other thing, is I feel like because
Speaker 7: it's such a small industry and everyone knows somebody on
Speaker 7: a boat, you know, when you're applying for something, everyone
Speaker 7: knows whoever's applying. It's a very small community. So that's
Speaker 7: the the reason why I've been trying to be as
Speaker 7: peaceful as possible through this whole process, because I'm like,
Speaker 7: I don't want it to reflect poorly on me. Sure,
Speaker 7: So that's another thing with appealing this. I'm just like,
Speaker 7: I feel like it's I hope my integrity would speak
Speaker 7: for itself moving forward.
Speaker 3: And people talk like they'll get I think the real
Speaker 3: story of like that you are the one who got
Speaker 3: the short end of the stick on this.
Speaker 2: I had a spiritual.
Speaker 3: Teacher once tell me you know God or the universe
Speaker 3: or your your you know better angels. When something's not
Speaker 3: right for you, they'll like tap you on the shoulder
Speaker 3: and try to tell you, and if you don't listen,
Speaker 3: they'll like tap you harder, and then if you still
Speaker 3: don't listen, you get like the two by.
Speaker 2: Four across the head and like this ending of.
Speaker 3: The kind feels like this is the two by four
Speaker 3: of just like this is not for you.
Speaker 2: There's something way better for you.
Speaker 4: Yeah.
Speaker 7: I believe that too.
Speaker 5: Yeah, and it's really too picture and listen and just
Speaker 5: and appreciate where you are in this moment and all
Speaker 5: of that.
Speaker 1: Don't try to fast forward. You're healing, go through it.
Speaker 5: The only way to get through to something is to
Speaker 5: really really feel it and be honest about your emotions.
Speaker 1: You know what I mean.
Speaker 5: Lean on the people that love and care about you.
Speaker 5: Unfortunately this relationship is over, but you're going to move
Speaker 5: forward in a better and a stronger sense of self
Speaker 5: that's always what happens when we get our hearts broken,
Speaker 5: we always come out stronger. And that's you know, that's
Speaker 5: not debatable. So like, that's what's going to happen with you.
Speaker 5: You're capable, you're confident, you're strong. I'm so happy you
Speaker 5: have a support system that you were able to fly
Speaker 5: home to.
Speaker 1: And I'm so glad.
Speaker 5: You do need a letter of recommendation from these people,
Speaker 5: so you do need to contact him back.
Speaker 1: I'm sure that's a given, but you do.
Speaker 5: At the very minimum, they have to guarantee you for
Speaker 5: I mean, they don't give you any reason to fire you,
Speaker 5: so they have to give you a letter of recommendation
Speaker 5: when you go out and look for a new job.
Speaker 5: And I do know a few people who do own yachts,
Speaker 5: and I'd be happy to pass on your resume to them.
Speaker 7: That's incredibly I.
Speaker 1: Know that comes as a huge surprise to all of ours.
Speaker 4: She's Chelsea's so right here. It's so easy to kind
Speaker 4: of like intellectually understand why getting fired in this situation
Speaker 4: might be a positive thing, and why like the math
Speaker 4: might be might look good on paper. Oh we're gonna
Speaker 4: have distance now. But Chelsea's so right, the the emotions,
Speaker 4: all the feelings, all of the pain and the trajectory
Speaker 4: of your grief is something to just submit to. Even
Speaker 4: when it's on paper, it feels like, oh, I'm these
Speaker 4: I'm making the right steps. It just doesn't always feel
Speaker 4: that way. And I and and so embrace that and yeah,
Speaker 4: move through it feeling.
Speaker 7: Thank you so much.
Speaker 5: Yeah, I agree, you're going to be just fine. You're
Speaker 5: going to be better than fine.
Speaker 2: Yeah, you are going to be better than fine. Not
Speaker 2: right now, but very very soon.
Speaker 7: Yeah, Chelsea, I obviously read your book as soon as
Speaker 7: I came out Life Will Be the Death Knees what
Speaker 7: got me to therapy in twenty nineteen, and so I
Speaker 7: do think my ability to handle this has been because
Speaker 7: of all that work in the last few years. And
Speaker 7: I've even been rereading little bits of your book talking
Speaker 7: about moving through heartache, and it's been very helpful. Amongst
Speaker 7: everything else, it's been very helpful. And I can't express
Speaker 7: enough how much.
Speaker 1: Yeah, I'm so glad. I'm so glad. I'm glad. We'll
Speaker 1: take care of yourself.
Speaker 3: And send me your resume, will Yeah, it passed along
Speaker 3: the change for sure.
Speaker 2: That's incredibly kind.
Speaker 1: Thank you.
Speaker 2: All so much. This is very just so lovely. Thank
Speaker 2: you so much, Thanks Amanda, and thanks for joining us.
Speaker 7: Thank you, thank you so much.
Speaker 2: Bye, and you're really good at this too.
Speaker 1: I know that was very compassionate. Yeah.
Speaker 5: I love how stable she is and so normal, you know,
Speaker 5: like I love how our listeners are normal and they're
Speaker 5: like they can handle these situations. Like she's going to
Speaker 5: be just fine. She should be counseling other people going
Speaker 5: through breakups.
Speaker 4: Well.
Speaker 3: Our next color is Jonathan. Dear Chelsea, I need your
Speaker 3: help getting unstuck. I'm in a job I have a
Speaker 3: deep bond with working as a nanny to a child
Speaker 3: with special needs, one that has given me financial stability
Speaker 3: and a strong sense of purpose. But as much as
Speaker 3: I love it, I know it's time to move on
Speaker 3: to fully commit to my acting career.
Speaker 2: The problem I feel.
Speaker 3: Paralyzed by guilt over leaving something that has meant the
Speaker 3: world to me. I worry about losing a part of
Speaker 3: my identity and the people who've become my family. On
Speaker 3: top of that, there's a financial risk. I have bills
Speaker 3: to pay, and while I want to take the leap,
Speaker 3: I also don't want to put myself in a situation
Speaker 3: where I'm struggling just to get by.
Speaker 2: That said, I've been putting in the work.
Speaker 3: I've taken real steps to get my mental and physical
Speaker 3: health together, and I've been submitting for everything I can
Speaker 3: to open new doors.
Speaker 2: I've worked hard to build a creative life.
Speaker 3: I perform on stage, I dance, I even made a
Speaker 3: name for myself.
Speaker 2: In the drag world.
Speaker 3: But I know I need to take bigger risks if
Speaker 3: I want acting to be my main focus. I moved
Speaker 3: to la from Iowa with two hundred and fifty bucks
Speaker 3: to my name, and for the last seven years, I've
Speaker 3: made it work as a gay man from a small town,
Speaker 3: and I take pride that everything I've built has been entirely.
Speaker 2: On my own.
Speaker 3: I keep telling myself to be patient and trust the process,
Speaker 3: but after turning thirty this past year, I feel like
Speaker 3: I'm starting to lose my spark. I don't want to
Speaker 3: give up, but I also don't want to wake up
Speaker 3: one day and realize.
Speaker 2: I played it too safe.
Speaker 3: How do I take this leap without losing myself or
Speaker 3: my rent money in the process?
Speaker 5: Best Jonathan, Hi, Jonathan, Hello, how are we doing good?
Speaker 5: We have another actor here on the show today. Ed
Speaker 5: Helms is our special guest.
Speaker 4: Oh wow, Hi Jonathan. Hello, Gosh. I know you're in
Speaker 4: a difficult spot what feels like a crossroads, but you
Speaker 4: have already made so many tough decisions and taken so
Speaker 4: many risks. You have so much to be proud of already.
Speaker 6: Thank you. I appreciate that. And you know, I think
Speaker 6: that just these last couple of years, I feel like
Speaker 6: I've the momentum, like something has kind of happened where
Speaker 6: I just feel like I'm a little bit of a
Speaker 6: functional freeze right now. And yeah, I'm just kind of
Speaker 6: thinking about you know. I guess I was wanting to
Speaker 6: kind of ask when you guys were starting out, what
Speaker 6: kind of helped you get through to like take those
Speaker 6: kind of risky steps towards making your passion like your
Speaker 6: main source, you know. And I know that it's a process,
Speaker 6: but I also, like I said, I have a deep
Speaker 6: bond with this family and I don't necessarily want to
Speaker 6: give that up either.
Speaker 3: You know, so outside of acting, you're not feeling like
Speaker 3: there's a need to leave the job.
Speaker 2: It's more like the conflict between the two.
Speaker 5: Yeah, yeah, is it an every day, five day week job.
Speaker 4: It is Yes, I does this family that they're they're
Speaker 4: aware of your acting ambitions or no?
Speaker 6: No, Yes, they definitely are, Yeah, for sure.
Speaker 4: And they and this this is a very positive and
Speaker 4: nurturing relationship with this family. I assume they adore you
Speaker 4: and appreciate it.
Speaker 6: Yes, Yes, they feel like family for sure.
Speaker 4: Which is amazing and an attribute to you. You and
Speaker 4: I would also encourage you to explore the possibility dare
Speaker 4: I say likelihood that this family wants you to thrive
Speaker 4: and this family wants what's best for you as well.
Speaker 4: Of course they depend on you in some very critical ways,
Speaker 4: but it sounds like they also would not only be understanding,
Speaker 4: but supportive. Is that a leap?
Speaker 6: You know? I think that I think sometimes I have
Speaker 6: to kind of get real with myself and realize that, like,
Speaker 6: you know, I'm also here for a reason. And I
Speaker 6: think that's kind of been the issue that I've been
Speaker 6: working with. As you know, I've I've got a couple
Speaker 6: gigs here and there, and those have been fine, But
Speaker 6: I guess I really kind of it's kind of stopped
Speaker 6: me from like pursuing something that would be like a
Speaker 6: large block of time away from them, because I don't
Speaker 6: know if you know that would be the case, if
Speaker 6: you know, they'd be able to kind of keep me around,
Speaker 6: And I think more so, I'm just like okay, like
Speaker 6: I I know I need to take the next step,
Speaker 6: and I've been really lucky with the opportunities that I've had,
Speaker 6: but I just feel like I've been kind of in
Speaker 6: this in between now for these last couple of years,
Speaker 6: and I just it's.
Speaker 5: Because you are in between, yeah, you know what I mean,
Speaker 5: Like I understand, and it would be great if you
Speaker 5: could work around your schedule and they could be accommodating
Speaker 5: to you, but then you're still in between. Like when
Speaker 5: you want to go for something, especially in this business,
Speaker 5: you have to go like one hundred and fifty five
Speaker 5: percent in that direction. You can't have like other side
Speaker 5: gigs going on. You know, if you really want to
Speaker 5: achieve this and this is your dream, you kind of
Speaker 5: have to go full throttle. It's like a fucking bowling
Speaker 5: ball down a hallway, like nothing is going to get
Speaker 5: in your way until you get to your goal, and
Speaker 5: then that goal leads to the next thing, and that
Speaker 5: job leads to the next job. So you do kind
Speaker 5: of have to throw everything you have at what you
Speaker 5: want in order to obtain that and attain it. And
Speaker 5: so I get that part, and I think, I think
Speaker 5: this stuff. It would be great if they could be
Speaker 5: malleable and work around you. I don't know how realistic
Speaker 5: that is. Is it realistic for them to like work
Speaker 5: with your schedule and give you the opportunities you need
Speaker 5: to go and seek auditions? Like how does that work
Speaker 5: with a child with special needs? You can't just bring
Speaker 5: a lot.
Speaker 6: So that's kind of the difficult thing. They are amazing
Speaker 6: co parents, but they both have very high level jobs
Speaker 6: that require a lot of time away, you know, and
Speaker 6: I think they rely on me a lot more than
Speaker 6: you know. Maybe is it healthy. But I'm kind of
Speaker 6: okay with that. And I think that i i because
Speaker 6: of like the connection that I've built. I just feel
Speaker 6: like I'm torn between what's right for me, like taking
Speaker 6: those steps to advocate for myself, you know, because I
Speaker 6: feel like I'm just kind of a third parent at
Speaker 6: this point.
Speaker 3: Well, I think what happens a lot with caregivers, whether
Speaker 3: that's hired caregiver, family caregiver, is like it feels like
Speaker 3: it's all on one person. It's on the main caregiver.
Speaker 3: Which right now is you so because the parents can't
Speaker 3: be someone to like take a day off and take
Speaker 3: care of the child when when you're unavailable so you
Speaker 3: have to go to an audition or you know, if
Speaker 3: you do get a longer term gig, like in a
Speaker 3: play or something like that, that you can't be there
Speaker 3: every day, it maybe worth sitting down with them and
Speaker 3: proposing another solution, which is like, I want to be
Speaker 3: the main person, but like, let's bring in a specific
Speaker 3: other person who can be kind of on call, who
Speaker 3: we can call on on those days when like I
Speaker 3: know I need to go drive across town to an
Speaker 3: audition or I need to do something else. And it
Speaker 3: just feels like if we if we feel that sort
Speaker 3: of missing system, then you have a little bit more
Speaker 3: freedom to do what.
Speaker 6: You need to do right And you know, it's funny,
Speaker 6: I actually just kind of brought that up to them.
Speaker 6: So I feel like I'm taking steps in the right direction,
Speaker 6: you know, but I just want to feel unstuck. Yeah,
Speaker 6: I think that That's kind of where I'm at right now,
Speaker 6: is just feeling like, ah, like you know, I'm I'm
Speaker 6: really proud of how far I've come, and I feel
Speaker 6: like I can recognize that, but I also want to
Speaker 6: push myself in the other direction, you know, and I
Speaker 6: want to keep the momentum going, and I just feel
Speaker 6: like I've lost that, and so I think I just
Speaker 6: I don't know, I just feel stuck right now.
Speaker 5: And I think a great solution would also be for
Speaker 5: you to be the person in charge of training the
Speaker 5: new person and bringing them in so that will free
Speaker 5: up so, you know, like once you get them situated
Speaker 5: and understanding of like all of the dynamics and all
Speaker 5: of the things that need to happen each day and
Speaker 5: the relationship, Like, once you get that situated, then you'll
Speaker 5: have time to like kind of float in and float
Speaker 5: out of the job when needed. And how were they
Speaker 5: responsive to you when you brought this up to them?
Speaker 6: Yeah, they were, they were responsive, but I think they
Speaker 6: really struggled. I don't think they've ever had anyone as
Speaker 6: long as they've had me and the bond that I
Speaker 6: have with their child, and I'm nervous that it's going
Speaker 6: to be kind of hard to find somebody that can
Speaker 6: match that.
Speaker 1: It will be.
Speaker 4: But also you can be the as Chelsea said, like
Speaker 4: be the constructive part of this transition. You know, lay
Speaker 4: the groundwork for the transition. Be the person who's really
Speaker 4: like leading the search for this new person, have a
Speaker 4: heavy overlap with them in a training sort of almost
Speaker 4: like an apprentice process perhaps. And then and then the
Speaker 4: other thing to keep in mind is that this relationship
Speaker 4: with this family and this child that clearly means so
Speaker 4: much to you and to them and the child, it
Speaker 4: doesn't go away with you thriving in another area. If
Speaker 4: you start to really you know, get more work in
Speaker 4: the acting space and your career starts to blossom, they're
Speaker 4: still there and they still care about you. And it's
Speaker 4: not like a breakup. It's a it's just branches of
Speaker 4: a tree kind of maybe growing apart, but they're still
Speaker 4: attached to the trunk. And you've built so much with
Speaker 4: this family. It sounds like this, this is a very
Speaker 4: poignant moment, and I can sense your your struggle, But
Speaker 4: just remember that the struggle you're feeling is rooted in
Speaker 4: how much love there is in this family unit that
Speaker 4: you're a part of now. And I think you're you
Speaker 4: keep checking, you keep saying things that make it clear
Speaker 4: that this transition feels necessary, it feels important. And then
Speaker 4: the question starts to become. So what are the steps
Speaker 4: and what are the how do I manage it? And
Speaker 4: how do I do it in a way that's responsible
Speaker 4: and loving to these people I care so much about,
Speaker 4: and that might that's going to take some work, and
Speaker 4: it will be hard, and it'll be painful at times.
Speaker 4: They'll be the emotional pain of the separation eventually, whenever hot,
Speaker 4: whatever form it takes will be hard. But also the
Speaker 4: you thriving and and pursuing this thing that you literally
Speaker 4: came here to do, or at least taking that risk
Speaker 4: and taking that jump. I'm hearing that that feels very critical.
Speaker 6: It does. It does, and I think that I feel
Speaker 6: like through the pandemic, I just kind of lost my
Speaker 6: spark a little bit. I mean, like I said, I
Speaker 6: moved here with nothing and I just kind of made
Speaker 6: it work. And you know, I think I'm trying to
Speaker 6: rediscover that that part of me right and understand that,
Speaker 6: Like I've been really lucky to not really kind of
Speaker 6: fall on my face, but I'm nervous, I think right
Speaker 6: now about especially like with just the economy and everything
Speaker 6: the world is right now to kind of take that leap.
Speaker 6: But I feel and you know, my heart and my
Speaker 6: body that it's it's ready to I'm ready to do that,
Speaker 6: you know. Good right, good, awesome, Well, thank you guys
Speaker 6: so much.
Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, thanks for calling in, Jonathan. Good job, well done.
Speaker 5: I mean, you can always maintain that relationship, you know
Speaker 5: what I mean, always regardless of whether you're their point
Speaker 5: person or his main caregiver or not, you can always
Speaker 5: you know, create a long standing relationship with and maintain
Speaker 5: a long standing relationship with that family.
Speaker 6: Right, Yeah, Well, thank you so much, Chelsea. I really
Speaker 6: appreciate it. Okay, Yeah, I just I really, I mean,
Speaker 6: this podcast has done so much for me. Your episode
Speaker 6: with Cody Rigsby about all the body issues really kind
Speaker 6: of healed something in me. And I just appreciate the
Speaker 6: work you guys are doing.
Speaker 1: You're that love that, Jonathan.
Speaker 6: Okay, thank you guys.
Speaker 5: Have a great day and good luck with everything. Thank you, okay,
Speaker 5: and we'll be right back to wrap up with Ed Helms.
Speaker 5: Please tag me for the special because I get so
Speaker 5: many tags about my books, but I'm not getting as
Speaker 5: many about my special, and my special is the newest
Speaker 5: thing out, so I want to make sure all my
Speaker 5: Ardent fans are watching it. And tagging me and I'll
Speaker 5: repost you. And yes, it's called the Feeling. And we're
Speaker 5: back with Ed Helms, whose newest project is called.
Speaker 1: Is a book. He has a podcast by the same name.
Speaker 5: It's called Snapfoo The Definitive Guide to History's Greatest screw Ups.
Speaker 5: It's a great gift for all of you readers out there.
Speaker 5: It's a great book to put by your pool, put
Speaker 5: by your toilet, put on your coffee.
Speaker 4: Table, anything liquid related.
Speaker 5: Any yes, anytime you're around liquid, we want you to
Speaker 5: pick up the book and read a couple of chapters.
Speaker 5: It's fascinating and entertaining, just like Ed Helms himself. Ed,
Speaker 5: you have been an incredible guest today. You are very
Speaker 5: helpful to all of our callers and I am so grateful.
Speaker 4: Well, this has been a blast. This is Yes, it's
Speaker 4: it's really amazing to hear these people call in and
Speaker 4: just talk about how much you have affected them. Chelsea, Oh,
Speaker 4: I know it's you. You have some superpowers for sure.
Speaker 1: Thank you, Ed.
Speaker 5: Thank you with such a pleasure to see you twice
Speaker 5: in like three weeks.
Speaker 1: I love this.
Speaker 4: I know me too. Let's do it you.
Speaker 1: I'll see you by the next toilet or swimming pool.
Speaker 1: That'll be you bump into each other.
Speaker 4: Bye, all right, thanks so much.
Speaker 1: Okay, take care bye bye bye.
Speaker 5: Do do do do do drum roll, Catherine, please and
Speaker 5: abroad broad is my European tour. So I'm coming to
Speaker 5: obviously find.
Speaker 1: A husband abroad.
Speaker 5: I need to get the health out of this fucking country.
Speaker 5: And it's not as easy as you think. So I'm
Speaker 5: coming to Rekuvik. I'm coming to Dublin. I'm coming to
Speaker 5: the UK. I'm coming to Brussels, Paris, Belfast.
Speaker 1: In May and June.
Speaker 5: I'm coming to Oslo, Stockholm, to Copenhagen, Manchester, London, Glasgow,
Speaker 5: New Zurich, Vienna. I've never ever been to Vienna, Berlin, Barcelona,
Speaker 5: and Lisbon. I'm coming abroad is abroad that.
Speaker 2: Sounds like fun.
Speaker 1: I'm going to go see you abroad. I know I
Speaker 1: want to go.
Speaker 5: See me abroad and there all be there, all be excellent.
Speaker 1: Okay.
Speaker 5: My remaining dates for Vegas, there are remaining dates for
Speaker 5: this year. Summertime is coming and I will be in
Speaker 5: Vegas at the Cosmo doing my residency on July fifth.
Speaker 5: We will be the next date that I'm there, July fifth,
Speaker 5: August thirtieth.
Speaker 1: And then November one and twenty ninth.
Speaker 5: November one and November twenty ninth, I will be in
Speaker 5: Las Vegas at the Cosmo performing Inside Myself at the Chelsea.
Speaker 1: It's called Chelsea at the Chelsea for a reason. Okay,
Speaker 1: thank you.
Speaker 2: Do you want advice from Chelsea?
Speaker 3: Right into Dear Chelsea Podcast at gmail dot com. Find
Speaker 3: full video episodes of Dear Chelsea on YouTube by searching
Speaker 3: at Dear Chelsea Pod.
Speaker 2: Dear Chelsea is edited
Speaker 3: And engineered by Brad Dickert executive producer Catherine law And
Speaker 3: be sure to check out our merch at Chelseahandler dot
Speaker 3: com