WEBVTT - Open to Happy Endings 0:00:00.800 --> 0:00:03.000 So what's going on. You've been back now for weeks. 0:00:03.040 --> 0:00:06.360 I feel like I've not heard a thing about what happened. 0:00:06.519 --> 0:00:08.680 What did we talk about? We talked about the guy 0:00:08.680 --> 0:00:10.800 that sent me the dildo, right, Yes, we did talk 0:00:10.840 --> 0:00:13.840 about him. Okay, so on the podcast. I think we've 0:00:13.880 --> 0:00:17.560 talked about it everywhere basically. Okay, Well, anyway, so that 0:00:17.680 --> 0:00:20.280 was happening. I went to Whistler then something. I had 0:00:20.280 --> 0:00:22.360 some action and Whistler, you know what, just just to 0:00:22.560 --> 0:00:24.800 let me do a quickly recapudated this guy. He met 0:00:24.840 --> 0:00:28.040 him on Riya Riya. Right. He seemed like a great guy, 0:00:28.080 --> 0:00:29.800 like a couple of your friends met him. I met him. 0:00:29.800 --> 0:00:32.720 He seemed really cool. You leave for a few months, 0:00:32.720 --> 0:00:35.599 you go to Whistler. He sends you a dildo. It's 0:00:35.680 --> 0:00:38.280 like this gift he was setting. He was trying to 0:00:38.280 --> 0:00:39.839 be funny. I didn't think that was funny at all. 0:00:40.200 --> 0:00:42.880 It picked me out and I couldn't talk to him 0:00:42.960 --> 0:00:45.440 again after he sent that dildo. I just thought, what 0:00:46.040 --> 0:00:48.839 is this anyway? So I threw the dildo right in 0:00:48.880 --> 0:00:51.720 the trash, and then I hooked up with someone in 0:00:51.760 --> 0:00:54.680 Whistler thanks to a friend of mine. I had a 0:00:54.760 --> 0:00:58.880 little penetration there three times, so that was good. But yeah, 0:00:58.880 --> 0:01:03.160 since I've been back, it's been kind of dry. Yeah yeah, 0:01:03.200 --> 0:01:07.000 well let's say use the adjective dry and that's pretty gross. Yes, 0:01:07.160 --> 0:01:08.920 but I am back on Riya, so I'll just have 0:01:09.000 --> 0:01:11.840 to make some connections. Like basically what happens on Ryan 0:01:12.000 --> 0:01:14.280 is they've opened their dating pool. You can tell by 0:01:14.280 --> 0:01:18.280 the selection. Hey, b I like Ryan because it yields 0:01:18.400 --> 0:01:21.800 very nice results. Like this isn't an ad for Riah, 0:01:21.920 --> 0:01:24.000 but it could be, Well, it could be, but it's not. 0:01:24.319 --> 0:01:28.479 But I I've definitely gotten a lot of like for 0:01:28.520 --> 0:01:31.160 every time I've used Raya, whether it's New York, London 0:01:31.240 --> 0:01:33.880 or l A not usually l A, only this last 0:01:33.920 --> 0:01:37.040 time COVID because I was so desperate. Right, it's yielded 0:01:37.120 --> 0:01:39.080 very good results. Then that I'm like, oh I can 0:01:39.120 --> 0:01:40.840 have sex with this guy, not man. That I'm like 0:01:41.760 --> 0:01:46.400 god like quality in terms of characteristics, like legitimate, like 0:01:46.600 --> 0:01:49.680 decent people. You're not dealing with any weirdos. I've had 0:01:49.720 --> 0:01:51.720 a couple. So it's like the Lift of dating apps, 0:01:51.760 --> 0:01:55.000 like Uber's kind of for everybody. Lift seems to curate 0:01:55.040 --> 0:01:58.440 a little bit. Yes, okay, so maybe lift. Yeah, and 0:01:58.480 --> 0:02:01.120 I interviewed a lot of candidates during COVID. I would 0:02:01.120 --> 0:02:02.960 come over, you know, when I had those COVID tests, right, 0:02:03.000 --> 0:02:05.320 I would just tell them like I would have them 0:02:05.360 --> 0:02:07.720 come sit down outside. I'd be like, hey, I need 0:02:07.760 --> 0:02:10.520 you to take a COVID test. I did administer the test, 0:02:10.960 --> 0:02:12.800 and then they'd sit like ten feet away from me 0:02:12.800 --> 0:02:14.960 and we talked. And the test took like twenty minutes. 0:02:15.440 --> 0:02:17.840 And there's an actual piece of medical equipment. Yeah, it's 0:02:17.840 --> 0:02:20.280 called It was called q Health and we bought it 0:02:20.360 --> 0:02:22.880 so that I could test people and then I if 0:02:22.919 --> 0:02:24.680 I didn't like them by the end of the thirty minutes, 0:02:24.720 --> 0:02:29.520 I would just tell the person you're positive and to sctattle, 0:02:29.560 --> 0:02:31.160 and then they would have to leave the house thinking 0:02:31.160 --> 0:02:33.359 that they had COVID, and I would assume, like a 0:02:33.400 --> 0:02:34.960 couple of people at taxed on me, I'm just kidding, 0:02:34.960 --> 0:02:36.239 you don't have COVID. But I don't want to text. 0:02:36.280 --> 0:02:38.240 I don't need to see you again. One guy, though, 0:02:38.760 --> 0:02:42.160 came over to the house and we were having fun talking. 0:02:42.440 --> 0:02:45.760 He was his COVID test was being you know process, 0:02:46.560 --> 0:02:49.400 and I said, so, what's been your COVID like protocol, 0:02:49.560 --> 0:02:54.000 like just to see what. I was like, Oh, I 0:02:54.000 --> 0:02:56.560 could fuck this guy, like, I'm definitely into it, you know, 0:02:56.800 --> 0:02:59.560 this is for sure, and he was kind of you know, 0:02:59.560 --> 0:03:02.760 it was cute, and then he said, well, I'm you know, 0:03:02.840 --> 0:03:04.600 wear a mask everywhere I go. I don't know why 0:03:04.600 --> 0:03:06.560 I'm talk in this dumb voice when I'm imitating man. 0:03:06.600 --> 0:03:09.000 But he's like, I wear a mask everywhere I go, 0:03:09.040 --> 0:03:12.200 but I don't think they work, and I just that's 0:03:12.200 --> 0:03:14.800 a boner killer. Well that was the biggest boner killer. 0:03:14.840 --> 0:03:16.480 I just looked at him and thought, why would you say? 0:03:16.560 --> 0:03:18.240 Why did you just say that? Like, I was just 0:03:18.680 --> 0:03:21.120 going to fuck you. I was just going to wait 0:03:21.160 --> 0:03:24.040 for your COVID test to be returned negative and then 0:03:24.160 --> 0:03:27.440 I was going to allow penetration, and you blew it 0:03:27.560 --> 0:03:31.600 by saying something like I don't think masks work. What 0:03:31.840 --> 0:03:35.480 is the point of saying uttering a sentence that is 0:03:35.560 --> 0:03:38.600 so stupid? Because men are stupid? Why don't you take 0:03:38.640 --> 0:03:40.640 my vagina off of me and walk away with it? 0:03:40.680 --> 0:03:42.520 I know, not even under the guise of a date, 0:03:42.560 --> 0:03:45.000 Like everyone knew what was going to happen in the scenario, 0:03:45.160 --> 0:03:49.320 But why would you because men are done? I don't 0:03:49.400 --> 0:03:52.280 think masks were Are you a fucking doctor? Are you 0:03:52.320 --> 0:03:56.880 a medical examiner? Are you? I mean, honestly, who are 0:03:56.960 --> 0:03:59.560 you to tell me that you don't think masks work? 0:04:00.040 --> 0:04:03.480 They just always want their opinion heard. She should have 0:04:03.520 --> 0:04:05.000 just kept his mouth shut, and then he'd be in 0:04:05.000 --> 0:04:08.240 a much different Situationally, we probably we could probably still 0:04:08.280 --> 0:04:10.480 be together. How do you not utter that stupid phrase? 0:04:10.640 --> 0:04:12.920 Sent you a dildo? There's a cute one I was. 0:04:13.040 --> 0:04:15.920 I was talking to and he was cute. He looked promising. 0:04:15.920 --> 0:04:19.000 Although he's in New York. Fuck, I know, but I'll 0:04:19.000 --> 0:04:20.960 go to New York at some point for something. I know. 0:04:21.000 --> 0:04:23.280 I just love sweetheart. Ever lets me out of his sight? 0:04:23.720 --> 0:04:26.039 Not likely, But I do love when you have a 0:04:26.080 --> 0:04:28.159 man in your life who you're having sex with regularly. 0:04:28.400 --> 0:04:30.200 When we were this is a cute story actually when 0:04:30.200 --> 0:04:32.000 we were when I was in Whistler, I talked to 0:04:32.040 --> 0:04:33.880 you on the phone one morning about something and I 0:04:33.920 --> 0:04:35.520 was like, oh, by the way, I had sex last night, 0:04:35.560 --> 0:04:38.599 And he was like, I mean, the shrill in your voice, 0:04:38.880 --> 0:04:41.919 it was like having just the happiness that you felt 0:04:41.920 --> 0:04:44.440 for me was just so sweet, and I thought, wow, 0:04:44.600 --> 0:04:48.719 what a sweetheart you were. Like, sweetheart got penetration. I 0:04:48.800 --> 0:04:51.040 just love I think because I know you have a 0:04:51.120 --> 0:04:54.080 high standard and so when you let that happen, it's 0:04:54.120 --> 0:04:56.840 like great on all fronts. It's like, oh, she got 0:04:56.880 --> 0:04:59.160 what she needed. She found someone who's probably cool. Like 0:04:59.200 --> 0:05:02.560 if you're gonna suck, they're not a dud hopefully. Um 0:05:02.680 --> 0:05:04.440 So it just seems like this is, you know, a 0:05:04.440 --> 0:05:06.080 great track for you to be on when you're getting 0:05:06.120 --> 0:05:08.400 regular penetration. I know, I know, tell me about it. 0:05:08.400 --> 0:05:10.800 I would like regular penetration because the whole thing about 0:05:10.839 --> 0:05:13.320 the sex thing is it's just so nice. It's not 0:05:13.360 --> 0:05:15.000 even I've said this to you before, but it's not 0:05:15.040 --> 0:05:17.880 even just like the act of sex. It's the whole 0:05:17.880 --> 0:05:20.480 thing that goes with the act of sex. It's the flirtation, 0:05:20.680 --> 0:05:24.000 and it's the hand holding and the like body touching 0:05:24.040 --> 0:05:26.720 and like caressing and all that stuff that is really 0:05:26.839 --> 0:05:29.680 nice to have between two people. So it's a good 0:05:29.680 --> 0:05:32.200 reminder of like all that fun stuff because it's really 0:05:32.240 --> 0:05:35.080 just not the sex alone, although that's a requirement. Well, 0:05:35.080 --> 0:05:37.080 and you had a great dynamic with a buildo guy 0:05:37.160 --> 0:05:40.120 because he knew that when it was a wrap on 0:05:40.160 --> 0:05:42.200 the sex that he needed to skit out of like, okay, 0:05:42.200 --> 0:05:44.120 it's time for Yeah, that was another. But he was 0:05:44.160 --> 0:05:46.040 good because he knew that. He's like, I don't want 0:05:46.040 --> 0:05:48.559 to overstay my welcome. He wasn't trying to sleep over. Well, 0:05:48.680 --> 0:05:51.520 I explained him right away that there wouldn't be sleepovers 0:05:51.800 --> 0:05:54.280 unless I wanted to sleep at his house or something 0:05:54.320 --> 0:05:56.680 like that. But he heard it and he accepted it. Yeah, 0:05:56.720 --> 0:05:59.160 and he didn't. Yes, that was really nice. And then 0:05:59.200 --> 0:06:01.400 there was this same Bildo guy. He had come over 0:06:01.440 --> 0:06:04.239 for basically a dinner, a dinner interview with your friends, 0:06:04.320 --> 0:06:07.280 myself and Sophie, and there was it was so nice 0:06:07.320 --> 0:06:08.760 to see you in that element because you guys were 0:06:08.760 --> 0:06:12.040 sitting closely. He was rubbing your leg. It was just 0:06:12.240 --> 0:06:13.919 it was a side of you that I hadn't seen 0:06:14.000 --> 0:06:16.240 because since we've been together, you've never had anyone else. 0:06:16.680 --> 0:06:19.000 Why would you need to Well, it's like, why would 0:06:19.040 --> 0:06:22.240 I need to ever meet any man except for you? Now? 0:06:22.279 --> 0:06:23.599 This is I love when we can talk through this 0:06:23.640 --> 0:06:25.320 because now it's starting to make sense. The reason I 0:06:25.360 --> 0:06:26.960 love that so much for you is because I know 0:06:27.000 --> 0:06:29.279 there are certain things I can't give you, like the crossing, 0:06:29.279 --> 0:06:31.360 like I'll rub your feet, like after we ski if 0:06:31.360 --> 0:06:34.280 like you need a foot rub, but like this feet 0:06:34.279 --> 0:06:38.240 after foot after we ski Ben Bruno, we went on 0:06:38.240 --> 0:06:41.200 a ski trip once. This was our first sweetheart ski 0:06:41.240 --> 0:06:44.960 gedway and it was me, Chelsea and her trainer, Ben Bruno, 0:06:45.600 --> 0:06:48.400 and it was the beginning of the trip. Yeah, we 0:06:48.440 --> 0:06:51.600 had all touched down together, three of us, but other 0:06:51.640 --> 0:06:56.880 people were coming. We're not there yet, and I don't 0:06:56.920 --> 0:07:00.159 know that you could create a more awkward such ation 0:07:00.240 --> 0:07:04.640 or dynamic between three people. And in particular, there was 0:07:04.720 --> 0:07:07.400 one night where we're all Chelsea night. You know, we're 0:07:07.480 --> 0:07:09.400 just in tune. We know exactly what each other want 0:07:09.480 --> 0:07:11.280 when we want it, and we both knew we just 0:07:11.320 --> 0:07:13.120 wanted to relax. We had skied. We wanted to watch 0:07:13.120 --> 0:07:16.720 a movie, watch a movie, relaxed, order food. Ben Buruna 0:07:16.760 --> 0:07:20.920 wanted to get in the hot tub. And anyone who's 0:07:20.960 --> 0:07:23.880 anyone with a brain knows you're not getting in a 0:07:23.920 --> 0:07:29.880 hot tub. Well with Ben Burn, well, I'm not getting 0:07:29.880 --> 0:07:32.040 in a hot tub at all periods, Like I'm not 0:07:32.080 --> 0:07:34.160 into hot tubs. I don't like heat as much as 0:07:34.200 --> 0:07:38.080 I prefer other things. So that's already a thing. But yes, 0:07:38.320 --> 0:07:40.200 so he comes downstairs and he's like, hey, do you 0:07:40.240 --> 0:07:41.760 guys want to go in the hot tub? And we 0:07:41.760 --> 0:07:44.560 were watching something interesting. Yeah, we and we like we 0:07:44.560 --> 0:07:46.640 were into it already, like it had been a little 0:07:46.640 --> 0:07:48.400 bit we had been home, like settled in when we 0:07:48.400 --> 0:07:51.640 were so fucked up, like we were really stoned. And 0:07:51.720 --> 0:07:53.600 he comes down. I can't ref your shirtless or but 0:07:53.680 --> 0:07:56.480 he was definitely in short and it was like it 0:07:56.560 --> 0:07:58.240 was like a little kid. He's like, Okay, I'm going 0:07:58.280 --> 0:07:59.560 to get a hot tub. Let's get in the hot tub. 0:07:59.640 --> 0:08:01.920 And we both look at each other like are you 0:08:01.960 --> 0:08:04.600 gonna go? I'm not going, like I'll sacrifice you, but 0:08:04.640 --> 0:08:06.960 I'm not going. We both weren't going in the hot tub. 0:08:07.040 --> 0:08:08.400 We both were like no, Ben, no one's going in 0:08:08.400 --> 0:08:10.560 the hot tub. Have fun. And then he came out 0:08:10.600 --> 0:08:12.520 again and was like who you guys want to get 0:08:12.600 --> 0:08:14.600 in the hot tube? And I was like no, we 0:08:14.600 --> 0:08:16.920 said we're not getting like still, no, we're not getting 0:08:16.960 --> 0:08:19.960 in the hot tub. I can't hember what the segue 0:08:20.040 --> 0:08:26.160 was to this, but there was some foot rubbing situation. Oh. 0:08:26.200 --> 0:08:28.840 We asked if I wanted a foot rub and I 0:08:28.880 --> 0:08:30.480 was like no, And then you asked and I was 0:08:30.520 --> 0:08:35.599 like sure, why because I'm not a threat. Yeah, I 0:08:35.600 --> 0:08:37.480 don't think he's gonna hit on me. Ben would probably 0:08:37.600 --> 0:08:39.480 argue though, that he wasn't hitting on me, it was 0:08:39.559 --> 0:08:41.360 just being nice, but it felt like he was. There 0:08:41.400 --> 0:08:44.120 was no expectation for sex after that foot rub between 0:08:44.520 --> 0:08:47.360 you and me. With a straight man, there's still some 0:08:47.440 --> 0:08:50.720 sort of underlying like what could I turn the shot 0:08:50.800 --> 0:08:54.200 rub into? And there's nothing. Also more life advice. There's 0:08:54.240 --> 0:08:55.920 nothing fucking worse than when you really just want a 0:08:55.960 --> 0:08:58.000 BackRub and all your partner wants to do is fuck. 0:08:58.640 --> 0:09:00.640 It's like sometimes it's just a back like sometimes I'm 0:09:00.679 --> 0:09:02.280 giving you one I don't like, I don't want more. 0:09:03.000 --> 0:09:05.480 There there needs to be some sort of expectations set 0:09:05.480 --> 0:09:08.520 with these things. I agree with that. Yeah, you can't 0:09:08.600 --> 0:09:10.880 just give somebody a background and then also ask for 0:09:10.920 --> 0:09:14.160 one in return, Like I don't love that. No, it's 0:09:14.160 --> 0:09:16.040 like if I have to give you a foot My 0:09:16.040 --> 0:09:17.880 sister always does that. She's like, will you do me? 0:09:17.920 --> 0:09:20.040 And I'm like, I'll do you first so that you're 0:09:20.080 --> 0:09:23.280 doing me last. Plus my sister's massages or tickles or 0:09:23.320 --> 0:09:26.760 whatever she calls them suck, So it's like, first of all, no, 0:09:27.040 --> 0:09:28.839 you don't even deserve one in return for what you're 0:09:28.840 --> 0:09:30.400 going to do to me, because I've been through these 0:09:30.400 --> 0:09:33.240 massages before and it's basically like a leaf is blowing 0:09:33.280 --> 0:09:36.640 past you, you know, or yeah, it's not even a curus. 0:09:37.000 --> 0:09:39.480 Nobody wants to give a massage after they've just gotten one, 0:09:39.559 --> 0:09:44.199 like tomorrow, I'll give you one today, you give me one, right, 0:09:45.000 --> 0:09:47.199 and can happen. But a lot of people do like 0:09:47.240 --> 0:09:49.839 to exchange services like that. I just am not. I'm 0:09:49.840 --> 0:09:51.800 not one of those people. I'd rather pay for a 0:09:51.840 --> 0:09:54.760 massage me too, and then yeah, and then I don't 0:09:54.800 --> 0:09:57.040 have to do anything in return. Do you remember that 0:09:57.080 --> 0:09:59.400 massage therapist again on a sketch of that massage therapist, 0:09:59.400 --> 0:10:01.600 that guy that you have that came in and it 0:10:01.679 --> 0:10:03.640 was like he had never done massages before. Everything about 0:10:03.679 --> 0:10:04.880 it was very strange. Did you come out of the 0:10:04.960 --> 0:10:07.080 room and you're just like, we got we either have 0:10:07.160 --> 0:10:09.800 to move from this location or we have to get 0:10:09.880 --> 0:10:14.600 him out over the balcony like so high this guy. Yeah, 0:10:14.679 --> 0:10:16.440 we were in Park City and he came and he 0:10:16.520 --> 0:10:19.720 was already really shady looking like he looked like like 0:10:19.800 --> 0:10:25.400 he had really long hand, very skinny, like very skinny, right, 0:10:25.720 --> 0:10:28.000 like a hippie that you wouldn't want to hang out with. Yeah, 0:10:28.040 --> 0:10:30.560 and he just looked stoned or like he could have 0:10:30.559 --> 0:10:33.679 been on something. We'll assume it was weed, right, And 0:10:33.720 --> 0:10:35.280 so when he came in and he was doing all 0:10:35.320 --> 0:10:37.120 this like, I was on the table and he was 0:10:37.160 --> 0:10:39.840 literally like I could feel like the rush of air 0:10:40.120 --> 0:10:42.559 swiped by my body from his hands, but it was 0:10:42.600 --> 0:10:45.600 almost like he was doing like a seance over my 0:10:45.679 --> 0:10:47.920 body with his hands. And I was like, sir, this 0:10:47.960 --> 0:10:53.400 isn't a massage. Are you gonna touch my actual body? 0:10:54.040 --> 0:10:56.199 And he was like, ohh yeah, yeah, yeah, I'm just 0:10:56.240 --> 0:10:58.240 getting started. And I'm like, is this a joke? Like 0:10:58.360 --> 0:11:00.720 is this a Because I was on that show Girls 0:11:00.720 --> 0:11:02.760 Behaving Badly, that hidden camera show where I did that 0:11:02.840 --> 0:11:04.880 once where I played a missus who never actually touched 0:11:04.880 --> 0:11:07.400 the person, and so I thought that, I thought, is 0:11:07.400 --> 0:11:09.520 this a joke? And then I thought what is going 0:11:09.600 --> 0:11:11.640 on here? But then of course I was a little stone, 0:11:11.640 --> 0:11:14.960 so I thought maybe you know, I'm just high, And 0:11:15.000 --> 0:11:18.000 then of course, you know, every woman's worst mistake is 0:11:18.000 --> 0:11:21.280 assuming it's their fault. Anyway, I got up from the 0:11:21.280 --> 0:11:23.439 table and then I sent Sophie and and she got 0:11:23.480 --> 0:11:25.079 up from the table and was like, what the funk 0:11:25.200 --> 0:11:27.840 was that? And I was like, I told you, I 0:11:27.880 --> 0:11:29.880 didn't think that was a missuit. She's like, you didn't 0:11:29.880 --> 0:11:32.880 tell me. I'm like, oh, well, I told Brandon. That's 0:11:32.880 --> 0:11:35.360 one of those experiences that you never because you can't 0:11:35.360 --> 0:11:37.160 put it into words. Even if it's bad, you have 0:11:37.200 --> 0:11:39.680 to have someone else experience it to reaffirm what you 0:11:39.720 --> 0:11:42.120 went through. Well, at the point, like once an hour 0:11:42.280 --> 0:11:43.960 was finally over because he was like, do you want 0:11:44.040 --> 0:11:46.280 ninety minutes, I'm like, no, actually, I want forty five. 0:11:46.360 --> 0:11:49.200 Now now that you've started to get back the last hour, 0:11:49.960 --> 0:11:52.720 then I for the last like twenty minutes. I couldn't 0:11:53.320 --> 0:11:55.880 stop thinking about how funny it would be for Sophie 0:11:55.880 --> 0:11:58.560 to be getting this massage, and how excited I was 0:11:58.640 --> 0:12:01.840 for her to be in the same situation I was in. 0:12:02.080 --> 0:12:03.600 So by that point I was like, oh no, she's 0:12:03.600 --> 0:12:06.800 gonna get it. Well, two very different personality types too, 0:12:07.679 --> 0:12:09.920 that we both stayed there and allowed it to happen. 0:12:10.040 --> 0:12:12.839 So the common thread is that women allow stupid ship 0:12:12.880 --> 0:12:14.880 to go on for some reason. I bet a man 0:12:14.920 --> 0:12:16.600 wouldn't have done that. A man would have said, what 0:12:16.640 --> 0:12:18.600 the funk is this and gotten up and walked up? 0:12:19.040 --> 0:12:20.760 Have you ever gotten up? No? I feel too bad 0:12:20.800 --> 0:12:24.240 for the masseuses exactly. I I have. I had problems 0:12:24.320 --> 0:12:27.400 asking for extra strength, like for a few years because 0:12:27.400 --> 0:12:29.240 I didn't want to offend the masseuse, And now I 0:12:29.280 --> 0:12:31.040 know how to stand up for myself in a nice, 0:12:31.040 --> 0:12:33.360 normal way. Do you ever feel like when you ask 0:12:33.480 --> 0:12:36.520 for added pressure that they add so much to try 0:12:36.520 --> 0:12:39.480 and prove a point. Yeah, that fucking annoys me. I 0:12:39.480 --> 0:12:41.960 think that's just a voice in your head. I don't 0:12:41.960 --> 0:12:45.080 think that they're doing that for purpose. Now. I think 0:12:45.120 --> 0:12:47.360 that's what we just think because we're paranoid about saying 0:12:47.360 --> 0:12:49.600 anything in the first place, and then when they up it, 0:12:49.640 --> 0:12:51.720 we're like, uck. Yeah, I have a harder time asking 0:12:51.760 --> 0:12:56.120 for an adjustment. I've gotten up times. I'm just like, 0:12:56.360 --> 0:12:59.920 I'm just not comfortable in the middle of a happy ending. Yeah, 0:13:00.320 --> 0:13:02.960 I don't care. There's nothing worse than wanting to relax. 0:13:04.280 --> 0:13:07.840 Have you got have you intensely? Have you ever gotten 0:13:07.880 --> 0:13:10.480 a happy ending during I know it does actually happen. 0:13:10.520 --> 0:13:12.480 I don't know. I think they're signals or there's something 0:13:12.520 --> 0:13:14.719 you have to do. You have to give them some 0:13:14.760 --> 0:13:17.960 sort of guidance or insight to what about opening your 0:13:18.040 --> 0:13:21.760 legs and pointing at your vagina is? I think I 0:13:22.200 --> 0:13:24.880 once had a friend who told me I worked with her. 0:13:25.160 --> 0:13:28.160 She told me that she was at one of those 0:13:28.160 --> 0:13:30.319 resorts in Santa Barbara and that the missus would go 0:13:30.360 --> 0:13:32.839 down on her all the time. And I was like, 0:13:33.200 --> 0:13:35.640 I remember our whole group was working. Was when we 0:13:35.640 --> 0:13:37.520 were on Chelsea lately and we were all sitting around 0:13:37.520 --> 0:13:40.160 a table, going, are you fucking kidding me? I'm like, hey, 0:13:40.200 --> 0:13:42.599 if guys are going down on women and during massages, like, 0:13:42.679 --> 0:13:44.720 why isn't that not happened to me? Because I would 0:13:44.720 --> 0:13:48.280 be open to that happening, would you. Yes, some misseus 0:13:48.400 --> 0:13:51.319 just finishing me off before I get of course, I'm 0:13:51.360 --> 0:13:53.240 open to that. I think that that's part of the 0:13:53.280 --> 0:13:56.520 issue though, is I've never had anyone massage me where 0:13:56.520 --> 0:13:58.599 I would want them to finish any I don't put that. 0:13:58.640 --> 0:14:00.800 I don't want them to do anything like there's no kissing. 0:14:00.920 --> 0:14:04.120 There's just we're not holding hands, we're not even communicating. 0:14:04.120 --> 0:14:05.480 They just are going to go down on me as 0:14:05.520 --> 0:14:07.760 a service. Yes, would it matter too if it were 0:14:07.760 --> 0:14:15.679 a man or a woman? Well, so if you ever massage, Yes, 0:14:16.679 --> 0:14:19.320 upcoming massuses, but tell not for him though Highma is 0:14:19.360 --> 0:14:21.320 married and it is my missus here in l A, 0:14:21.720 --> 0:14:24.000 but at resorts. If you guys are down with that, 0:14:24.160 --> 0:14:26.560 so am I. You just need to check that box 0:14:26.560 --> 0:14:28.400 at the bottom of your intake forms that you would 0:14:28.440 --> 0:14:30.640 like to be finished. They don't say, they don't put anything, 0:14:30.760 --> 0:14:32.800 just write it in. Yeah, I like a ballot, like 0:14:32.800 --> 0:14:35.600 a ballot for a candidate that's not on the ballot. 0:14:36.480 --> 0:14:38.120 That's what I should say the next time I get 0:14:38.120 --> 0:14:41.000 a massagic. I'm before you get started, before you go 0:14:41.080 --> 0:14:43.120 down on me at the very end, will you just 0:14:43.160 --> 0:14:45.560 give me like a ten minute warning just said, it's 0:14:45.600 --> 0:14:49.040 like the preface of this is the expectation, and just 0:14:49.040 --> 0:14:50.480 slip it in. Be like, okay, so I like a 0:14:50.520 --> 0:14:52.320 medium pressure my lower backs when hurting and when you 0:14:52.360 --> 0:14:54.360 go down on me. If we could just not make 0:14:54.400 --> 0:15:00.200 eye contact. Oh okay, it sounds like we're gonna a 0:15:00.280 --> 0:15:04.280 break and we'll be right back. Should we get into 0:15:04.320 --> 0:15:06.960 some advice. Yeah, we've covered a lot of topics. They're like, 0:15:07.000 --> 0:15:09.240 we're giving me advice, now, well, let's give us some 0:15:09.280 --> 0:15:14.000 advice to Kirby's Kirby, He's fifty three, He writes, Dear Chelsea, 0:15:14.280 --> 0:15:16.280 my name is Kirby. I'm fifty three and have several 0:15:16.360 --> 0:15:20.320 underlying health issues like insulin dependency, neuropathy, and my legs 0:15:20.320 --> 0:15:22.600 and arms and many more. But those are the things 0:15:22.680 --> 0:15:27.600 that make me miserable. Well aft my kids are all adults. 0:15:27.600 --> 0:15:29.680 My ex wife was killed in a motorcycle accident in 0:15:29.720 --> 0:15:32.320 two thousand and nineteen. Three months later, my mother died 0:15:32.360 --> 0:15:36.040 of terminal leukemia. I'm an alcoholic. I try not drinking, 0:15:36.080 --> 0:15:37.880 but it doesn't last long and I go right back 0:15:37.880 --> 0:15:40.520 to it. I didn't even drink until I was thirty 0:15:40.520 --> 0:15:42.840 two years old. I was always a functioning alcoholic, but 0:15:42.880 --> 0:15:46.680 in the last year it's been something I go to daily, nightly, 0:15:46.800 --> 0:15:49.880 even hourly. Then I just have to stop for a 0:15:49.880 --> 0:15:52.520 few days. I'm not doing bad. My house is paid for, 0:15:52.600 --> 0:15:54.440 I have no car payment. But I feel like I'm 0:15:54.440 --> 0:15:56.600 going to overdo it one time and my kids will 0:15:56.640 --> 0:15:58.960 find me dead. I'm not suicidal at all, and never 0:15:59.000 --> 0:16:01.000 even crosses my mind, but I worry one day my 0:16:01.000 --> 0:16:02.800 body is going to say fuck you, Kirby, and it 0:16:02.840 --> 0:16:05.960 will be over. I just can't stop drinking in excess. 0:16:06.680 --> 0:16:08.800 It's when I'm by myself, which is often and I 0:16:08.840 --> 0:16:11.920 suffer bad for days, and I often isolate myself from everybody, 0:16:11.960 --> 0:16:14.840 including my kids. I'm drinking now, but I can still 0:16:14.880 --> 0:16:17.200 gather my thoughts. I don't know what to expect from this. 0:16:17.240 --> 0:16:19.560 Hopefully I won't be made fun of. Well, I think 0:16:19.600 --> 0:16:21.360 we should set up we're never gonna make fun of 0:16:21.400 --> 0:16:25.160 people serious issues. No, no, of course not no, We're 0:16:25.160 --> 0:16:27.840 not here for that, absolutely not. I'll make fun of 0:16:27.840 --> 0:16:31.280 people that don't have serious issues, but not people that do. 0:16:31.840 --> 0:16:34.160 I think Kirby has to stop drinking. Kirby, I think 0:16:34.160 --> 0:16:35.800 you need to stop drinking, and I think you need 0:16:35.840 --> 0:16:38.640 to like, I think you need a community. Like it 0:16:38.760 --> 0:16:41.920 sounds like you feel very alone, and I think you 0:16:41.920 --> 0:16:45.840 should start by going to a a meetings. You probably 0:16:45.880 --> 0:16:48.560 weren't expecting to hear that, but like, you really really 0:16:48.600 --> 0:16:51.240 need a community of people who understand what you're going through, 0:16:51.280 --> 0:16:53.840 because what's happening to you. You're not the only man 0:16:53.920 --> 0:16:56.000 in the world that feels this way. So you need 0:16:56.040 --> 0:16:58.720 to be in a situation where you can hear other 0:16:58.800 --> 0:17:02.000 people talking about their problems and their struggles with alcohol. 0:17:02.600 --> 0:17:05.800 And that is a I completely agree. I mean this 0:17:05.880 --> 0:17:09.320 is Yeah, this is because you have all the signposts here, 0:17:09.359 --> 0:17:12.040 like you're saying you can't control your drinking. You you're 0:17:12.080 --> 0:17:15.720 excessively drinking. Your kids are all adults, so of course 0:17:15.760 --> 0:17:17.879 you don't have to focus your attention on them. And 0:17:17.920 --> 0:17:20.960 your wife passed away in a terrible accident, and then 0:17:20.960 --> 0:17:23.920 your mother died. Like I understand that you're feeling very 0:17:23.960 --> 0:17:27.440 sorry for yourself, and that's okay, but you can't feel 0:17:27.480 --> 0:17:30.520 sorry for yourself and then on top of that, drown 0:17:30.600 --> 0:17:33.359 yourself an alcohol. You can feel sorry for yourself and 0:17:33.400 --> 0:17:36.679 not drink, but you can't do both well. And this 0:17:36.720 --> 0:17:39.520 really speaks to me because my mom and career about 0:17:39.520 --> 0:17:42.240 the same age. She had a lot of stuff happen 0:17:42.480 --> 0:17:46.840 early in life that can really set someone's life plan 0:17:46.960 --> 0:17:49.000 on a different path, and it's hard to get back 0:17:49.040 --> 0:17:51.960 to a place where you're operating and functioning at a 0:17:52.040 --> 0:17:55.479 high level and happily. But it's not too late, So Kirby, 0:17:55.520 --> 0:17:58.399 my mom did a a for six months. She did 0:17:58.440 --> 0:18:00.000 it religiously. I think she was going like two or 0:18:00.040 --> 0:18:01.800 three meetings a week, and it really that was when 0:18:01.840 --> 0:18:04.440 we all thought she was back on the right track. 0:18:04.480 --> 0:18:06.840 And she has since fallen off of the wagon and 0:18:06.880 --> 0:18:10.720 it's a process. So you just have to get yourself started. 0:18:10.920 --> 0:18:13.159 You have to find a group, an a group, You 0:18:13.160 --> 0:18:15.280 need to find a sponsor, you need to find something 0:18:15.680 --> 0:18:18.400 to do in the place of drinking. There are small 0:18:18.440 --> 0:18:20.439 steps you can take to just make yourself feel like 0:18:20.480 --> 0:18:23.000 you have more control than you do now, and eventually 0:18:23.000 --> 0:18:25.440 the control will come. I know you're in pain because 0:18:25.480 --> 0:18:27.399 you have an insulin dependency, and it says you have 0:18:27.440 --> 0:18:30.560 neuropathy in your legs and arms. But like, drinking can't 0:18:30.600 --> 0:18:32.359 be your amelia in that's not going to be your 0:18:32.400 --> 0:18:35.320 pain fixer. You have got to get alcohol out of 0:18:35.359 --> 0:18:38.040 your repertoire. For someone like this, would you recommend they 0:18:38.040 --> 0:18:40.919 try cannabis? I would, But I think right now you 0:18:40.960 --> 0:18:42.639 need to take a like he needs to get his 0:18:42.760 --> 0:18:46.080 head clear. So you're fifty three years old, Like that 0:18:46.280 --> 0:18:50.560 is not old, not anymore. Like you have a lot 0:18:50.600 --> 0:18:52.199 of life, and don't you want to share that with 0:18:52.240 --> 0:18:54.760 someone and don't you want to have more adventures and 0:18:54.800 --> 0:18:58.160 have more enjoyable times, Like you can't just be putting 0:18:58.200 --> 0:19:00.440 a band aid on a band aid on a band aid, 0:19:00.640 --> 0:19:03.080 So you need to go to a a I think, 0:19:03.240 --> 0:19:04.919 and that's where you can start with, like you know, 0:19:05.000 --> 0:19:07.800 talk therapy because you'll be talking to other people. And 0:19:07.840 --> 0:19:09.959 the other thing I would suggest, if you can afford it, 0:19:10.359 --> 0:19:12.520 or if your health care provider can provide it, is 0:19:12.560 --> 0:19:15.280 to get a therapist because you need to really be 0:19:15.359 --> 0:19:17.680 talking this stuff out. Men hold too much stuff in 0:19:18.080 --> 0:19:19.720 and then it just leads to this and then it 0:19:19.760 --> 0:19:22.960 becomes insurmountable and you feel so sorry for yourself, and 0:19:23.000 --> 0:19:25.440 I don't want you to feel that way. And you 0:19:25.480 --> 0:19:29.639 can also look into there are subsidized therapists basically in 0:19:29.640 --> 0:19:33.040 every area or online now online therapy. I recommend looking 0:19:33.040 --> 0:19:36.480 for one that subsidizes based on your current income if 0:19:36.480 --> 0:19:38.040 that if that's an issue, and it may not be, 0:19:38.280 --> 0:19:39.879 but finding someone that you're comfortable to talk to you 0:19:39.920 --> 0:19:42.399 outside of a a as well to hold you accountable 0:19:42.640 --> 0:19:46.360 for the things that are affecting you personally that don't 0:19:46.400 --> 0:19:49.440 have to do with your alcoholism, because that's another thing 0:19:49.480 --> 0:19:51.520 that I've realized in what I've been going through my family, 0:19:51.560 --> 0:19:55.200 is that everything is not to do with the alcohol 0:19:55.560 --> 0:19:57.760 being incorporated into your life. That it's not all the 0:19:57.800 --> 0:19:59.800 result of that, and you're not drinking because of all 0:19:59.880 --> 0:20:01.840 the those things. There's just a lot to unpack in 0:20:01.840 --> 0:20:04.800 your life, it seems like, and having someone there outside 0:20:04.800 --> 0:20:07.840 of your a A meetings to delve into those things, 0:20:07.880 --> 0:20:10.520 it is probably gonna be really beneficial to you. Yeah, 0:20:10.680 --> 0:20:12.679 I agree with that, And I think if A just 0:20:12.720 --> 0:20:16.240 sounds like so overwhelming to you, there's a reason it does, 0:20:16.720 --> 0:20:19.440 because it's your ticket to happiness. And I swear if 0:20:19.520 --> 0:20:23.160 you really focus on getting alcohol out of your life, 0:20:23.200 --> 0:20:26.480 I guarantee you you will find joy and happiness again. 0:20:26.640 --> 0:20:30.200 I guarantee you, Kirby, let us know, keep us posted. 0:20:30.240 --> 0:20:33.320 We hope you're doing. Okay. That was a serious one. Well, 0:20:33.359 --> 0:20:35.600 the people have serious issues, and you know, sadly, this 0:20:35.640 --> 0:20:37.520 is one of those things that all these things are 0:20:37.520 --> 0:20:39.719 compounding on him. So he has health issues, he's had 0:20:39.760 --> 0:20:42.919 emotional distress over these last years, and then the pandemic 0:20:43.000 --> 0:20:46.199 for everyone over the last year. I'm sure it's just blanket, 0:20:46.680 --> 0:20:49.760 wet blanket on a wet blanket. I mean, as feels 0:20:49.760 --> 0:20:52.119 like he's drowning. But I would have never believed it 0:20:52.160 --> 0:20:54.840 with the A thing, But after seeing the result of 0:20:54.880 --> 0:20:57.520 it from either people that I know or my mom specifically, 0:20:58.240 --> 0:21:00.320 there's a reason that it works. There's a reason bowl 0:21:00.480 --> 0:21:05.400 who stick to it seemingly have a positive outcome because 0:21:05.400 --> 0:21:07.200 if nothing else, and people fall off the wagon all 0:21:07.240 --> 0:21:09.560 the time. Yeah, yeah, yeah, I just people don't realize 0:21:09.600 --> 0:21:11.560 how easy it is. It's just that one hump you 0:21:11.600 --> 0:21:13.520 have to get over, which is the initial you know 0:21:13.520 --> 0:21:15.199 what I mean. It's like going to do what you 0:21:15.200 --> 0:21:17.359 want to do and then sticking, like going to the 0:21:17.359 --> 0:21:19.680 meeting is the hardest thing. And I just wish you 0:21:19.680 --> 0:21:21.840 would think about your age, like fifty three, you could 0:21:21.840 --> 0:21:24.320 have a whole other life. You could have two more lives. 0:21:24.480 --> 0:21:26.560 You're a man, you could get married seven more times. 0:21:26.560 --> 0:21:28.119 This will seem like a blip. You just have to 0:21:28.119 --> 0:21:29.360 do it. Go to the first once, like the first 0:21:29.400 --> 0:21:31.120 workout class. Once you do the first one, the rust 0:21:31.119 --> 0:21:34.360 aren't that bad and you realize the conditioning that you're 0:21:34.400 --> 0:21:36.320 going through while you're there and that you are getting better. 0:21:36.440 --> 0:21:39.800 So good luck, Kirby. Maybe I should just have sex 0:21:39.800 --> 0:21:41.720 with all these people. Maybe that would help. Maybe we 0:21:41.760 --> 0:21:45.920 should be sex therapist. Well, sex sex as the therapy. 0:21:46.040 --> 0:21:49.040 I mean, like there are actual people who have sex 0:21:49.200 --> 0:21:54.639 with people to not cure, but to help alleviate some 0:21:54.720 --> 0:21:58.520 of these Uh really yeah, it's a sex therapy. There 0:21:58.520 --> 0:22:00.680 are only so many states. I think it's many countries 0:22:00.840 --> 0:22:03.680 set that allow for it. But yeah, there are people 0:22:03.720 --> 0:22:06.520 that have like severe social anxiety and they'll see a 0:22:06.520 --> 0:22:10.199 sex therapist to get that intimacy to feel more comfortable around. Okay, well, 0:22:10.200 --> 0:22:12.200 I don't think we should offer that service yet until 0:22:12.240 --> 0:22:14.520 we find a caller that I think I'm attracted to. Yeah, 0:22:14.560 --> 0:22:18.240 well we'll set that expectation for season two. Okay. Our 0:22:18.280 --> 0:22:24.000 next submission comes from t Mr T Just Letter T 0:22:24.680 --> 0:22:28.719 twenty two out of Vancouver. She right, Oh, this is nice, Hi, 0:22:28.840 --> 0:22:32.000 Chelsea and Brandon. That's me. I need sex life advice. 0:22:32.160 --> 0:22:34.000 I'm a girl in my twenties and I'm struggling. My 0:22:34.040 --> 0:22:36.439 first relationship started when I was beginning high school and 0:22:36.440 --> 0:22:39.399 it lasted until my first year of university. He was 0:22:39.440 --> 0:22:43.080 abusive and I experienced intimate partner sexual violence for pretty 0:22:43.119 --> 0:22:45.440 much the entire time we were together. I'm very sorry 0:22:45.440 --> 0:22:48.360 to hear that. Fast forward a few years. My new 0:22:48.400 --> 0:22:50.560 boyfriend is amazing and I'm super attracted to him, but 0:22:50.600 --> 0:22:53.480 I really struggle to feel the mood for sex. How 0:22:53.480 --> 0:22:56.000 can I get my libido going? Well? This two is 0:22:56.000 --> 0:22:58.600 a very serious question. But this is something that I imagine, 0:22:58.640 --> 0:23:00.639 sadly a lot of women deal with. And we have 0:23:00.880 --> 0:23:06.280 t on the phone. Hi, Hi, how are you? I'm good? 0:23:06.320 --> 0:23:09.840 How are you guys? We're good. We're glad you called. Yeah, 0:23:09.960 --> 0:23:14.160 thank you. I'm honestly shocked that I even got a response. 0:23:14.200 --> 0:23:16.960 I was totally not expecting anything. Oh yeah, well we're 0:23:16.960 --> 0:23:20.160 serious about our quest or no, it's not a quest, 0:23:20.240 --> 0:23:23.400 it's more of a well, it's certainly not a journey. 0:23:23.520 --> 0:23:26.639 It's not a journey. So T Are you attracted to 0:23:26.640 --> 0:23:30.840 your boyfriend now? Of course? Yes, you are? Okay? And 0:23:30.880 --> 0:23:34.000 have you guys had sex? Yes? Yeah, you just have 0:23:34.080 --> 0:23:38.600 trouble getting into the mood. Yeah, it's just like I 0:23:38.640 --> 0:23:42.879 don't know, It's it's often once it starts, I'm like, okay, 0:23:42.960 --> 0:23:46.760 yes I am enjoying this, but often when he tries 0:23:46.840 --> 0:23:52.159 to initiate, I'm kind of just like, it doesn't feel comfortable. 0:23:52.280 --> 0:23:55.160 And that's not anything with him. I'm a d percent 0:23:55.200 --> 0:23:59.960 comfortable with him. I mean, honestly, it's it's trauma. Like really, 0:24:00.119 --> 0:24:02.479 if I think about it, that's what it is. And 0:24:02.560 --> 0:24:04.679 are you comfortable making the move on him? Though you 0:24:04.720 --> 0:24:08.040 are comfortable when it starts that way? Yeah, yeah, to 0:24:08.119 --> 0:24:11.320 a degree. I'm I'm not super confident in making the 0:24:11.359 --> 0:24:17.440 move aggressive not aggressively, that's not the right word. But yeah, yeah, 0:24:17.760 --> 0:24:19.600 Like if it's just like we start kissing or whatever 0:24:19.640 --> 0:24:23.000 and it kind of moves naturally, I'm good with that. 0:24:23.080 --> 0:24:26.439 But like making like a statement or like, right, you're 0:24:26.480 --> 0:24:28.280 not coming out of your room like in a negligent 0:24:28.440 --> 0:24:31.440 or something, right, Yeah, neither am I. By the way, 0:24:31.600 --> 0:24:34.399 so I'm with you on that. You've discussed your past 0:24:34.440 --> 0:24:37.760 relationship with him, right, the abuse? Yeah, yeah, definitely, so 0:24:37.800 --> 0:24:41.080 he understands, right, have you always this to him? How 0:24:41.240 --> 0:24:44.800 you he's he's super super good with it, and it 0:24:44.920 --> 0:24:48.320 always is asking me throughout the whole way, like are 0:24:48.320 --> 0:24:51.360 you good? Is this okay? Like he's definitely really good 0:24:51.400 --> 0:24:53.680 with that. Yeah, okay, So you have to find ways 0:24:53.720 --> 0:24:56.440 just to turn yourself on in totally what I would 0:24:56.440 --> 0:24:58.000 say right off the back up this is something this 0:24:58.080 --> 0:24:59.760 is a perfect example where we need to sex them 0:24:59.760 --> 0:25:01.800 a pi us or somebody like you know, a survivor's 0:25:01.800 --> 0:25:04.600 therapist who can actually speak to this, and we will 0:25:04.600 --> 0:25:06.960 try and find that person for you. But I would say, 0:25:06.960 --> 0:25:09.160 instinctively off the bat, how long have you been dating 0:25:09.160 --> 0:25:12.720 your new boyfriend, like three years. Okay, so that's a 0:25:12.720 --> 0:25:15.919 long time, right, Yeah, And so have these feelings abated 0:25:16.040 --> 0:25:19.720 during that time where they did they used to be stronger? Yes. 0:25:20.080 --> 0:25:22.760 So in the beginning, my thing is that I kind 0:25:22.760 --> 0:25:27.000 of disassociate during sex. My mind just wanders and all 0:25:27.000 --> 0:25:30.000 of a sudden kind of blank out. In the beginning, 0:25:30.119 --> 0:25:31.959 that's what was happening, and I was like, I'm not 0:25:32.080 --> 0:25:34.960 enjoying this. So then I kind of started trying to 0:25:34.960 --> 0:25:38.680 have the conversation with him about like what happened, and 0:25:39.320 --> 0:25:41.879 that went fine, and then so it kind of progressed. 0:25:42.160 --> 0:25:45.320 Now it's just kind of like duck in this little rut. 0:25:45.560 --> 0:25:47.560 Is there anything that he can do or those moments 0:25:47.560 --> 0:25:49.480 where you do find yourself with your guard down and 0:25:49.480 --> 0:25:52.560 you feel more comfortable? Is there not? I hate to 0:25:52.640 --> 0:25:53.960 use the word like four play, but is there a 0:25:54.040 --> 0:25:56.320 build up or a setup that he has been able 0:25:56.359 --> 0:25:58.879 to do or that you acknowledge and realize like, okay, 0:25:58.920 --> 0:26:03.000 this is this is what propels the sexual interaction where 0:26:03.000 --> 0:26:08.160 I feel comfortable Initially, Yeah, I found specifically being at 0:26:08.240 --> 0:26:11.680 my house in my bed, I find that is more 0:26:11.760 --> 0:26:14.160 comfortable and I tend to feel better in that space. 0:26:14.680 --> 0:26:18.119 And then also, I don't know why, but having a 0:26:18.160 --> 0:26:21.320 shower first seems to work like it can kind of 0:26:21.359 --> 0:26:24.919 just if we shower together. I don't know why, but 0:26:25.000 --> 0:26:30.200 it's comforting there, and then it can kind of progress. Yeah, 0:26:30.320 --> 0:26:32.200 and so when you say you're stuck in a rut, 0:26:32.200 --> 0:26:34.520 like so, things were okay for a while and then 0:26:34.560 --> 0:26:37.359 this happened, or like you said, things used to be 0:26:37.400 --> 0:26:39.880 a little bit more intense and so they've intensified less. 0:26:39.880 --> 0:26:42.400 But what do you mean by the rut exactly? We've 0:26:42.400 --> 0:26:45.320 had discussions where he's obviously really good about all this, 0:26:45.400 --> 0:26:49.240 but he has expressed, you know, that he doesn't always 0:26:49.280 --> 0:26:52.800 feel desired, and I don't want him to feel like 0:26:52.840 --> 0:26:55.639 that because obviously this is a mutual thing where it 0:26:55.680 --> 0:26:59.119 should both be feeling that way. So I guess the 0:26:59.320 --> 0:27:02.639 issue is making him feel that way too, and getting 0:27:03.400 --> 0:27:06.560 confidence in myself and yeah, just feeling in the mood 0:27:06.680 --> 0:27:11.520 to actually initiate that. I think that the strongest aphrodisiac 0:27:11.680 --> 0:27:15.240 is communication, right, So, like that is really you guys 0:27:15.280 --> 0:27:17.679 seem to have a really good dialogue and he seems 0:27:17.680 --> 0:27:20.359 to obviously be very careful with what's happened to you 0:27:20.400 --> 0:27:23.960 and your past so he's obviously very dedicated to making 0:27:24.000 --> 0:27:26.919 sure that you feel safe. So I think if you say, like, 0:27:27.000 --> 0:27:29.320 if you have these conversations and you're like, listen, I 0:27:29.359 --> 0:27:31.400 want to give you what you want, and I want 0:27:31.400 --> 0:27:33.639 to be more sexually open. But this is like a 0:27:33.680 --> 0:27:35.760 process that we have to learn how to do together, 0:27:36.200 --> 0:27:38.600 and I want to be in this with you, and 0:27:38.680 --> 0:27:41.160 I want to open up more, like be more free 0:27:41.200 --> 0:27:44.200 sexually with you because I trust you, because I love 0:27:44.240 --> 0:27:46.160 you, you you know all the right things. But I think 0:27:46.240 --> 0:27:49.600 having a really open dialogue with your partner is going 0:27:49.640 --> 0:27:53.280 to lead to success quicker than later. Have you had counseling. 0:27:54.160 --> 0:27:56.640 I've just kind of started again. I went a couple 0:27:56.640 --> 0:27:59.720 of times, and it was kind of towards the beginning 0:27:59.800 --> 0:28:02.520 and it was just so hard to even get words 0:28:02.560 --> 0:28:05.720 out about it. So I've just recently started going again. 0:28:05.880 --> 0:28:09.120 But yeah, that's obviously I need to do that. That's 0:28:09.200 --> 0:28:11.120 I know, going to help a lot. Yeah, that's gonna 0:28:11.160 --> 0:28:12.919 help a lot. And you know, we will try and 0:28:12.960 --> 0:28:15.360 find a sexual therapist that we can we can put 0:28:15.400 --> 0:28:18.000 you in contact with to help you, like somebody who 0:28:18.080 --> 0:28:20.840 specializes with victims of abuse or that have been an 0:28:20.880 --> 0:28:24.080 abusive relationships prior, because I'm sure there's a lot of 0:28:24.080 --> 0:28:26.760 tricks up somebody's sleeves for what to do, and we 0:28:26.800 --> 0:28:29.040 do want to help you. But obviously this isn't my 0:28:29.080 --> 0:28:33.200 specialty or wheelhouse sweetheart, right, but I do think the communication, 0:28:33.280 --> 0:28:35.000 you know, like I'm sure you guys have an open 0:28:35.000 --> 0:28:39.280 communication already. Yeah, that's one thing that definitely wasn't so 0:28:39.360 --> 0:28:43.080 much in the beginning, just because I wasn't communicating about it. 0:28:43.120 --> 0:28:45.640 I wasn't. It's a hard thing to talk about, right, 0:28:46.200 --> 0:28:49.160 But yeah, that's definitely gotten a lot better, especially like 0:28:49.200 --> 0:28:52.080 even in the last three four months, we've been talking 0:28:52.160 --> 0:28:54.240 about it a lot more. Yeah, So I would say 0:28:54.320 --> 0:28:56.840 over communicate during this time, you know, because it will 0:28:56.880 --> 0:28:59.240 only bring you closer together, and so he can have 0:28:59.240 --> 0:29:01.600 a better understanding of where you're coming from, and you 0:29:01.640 --> 0:29:04.200 can start to understand that that is your past, that's 0:29:04.240 --> 0:29:06.640 not your present, and you'll be able to be a 0:29:06.640 --> 0:29:09.840 little bit more free hopefully. And in the meantime we 0:29:09.880 --> 0:29:13.320 will get us well, we'll find somebody. Yeah, awesome, this 0:29:13.400 --> 0:29:15.360 is a good mission for us to go on on 0:29:15.400 --> 0:29:19.360 your behalf, So we'll we'll be in touch, Okay, thank you, 0:29:19.400 --> 0:29:24.960 all right, keep smiling to thank you bye bye. Keeps 0:29:25.000 --> 0:29:28.560 your miiling, keep shining. I know it's and there's so 0:29:28.640 --> 0:29:31.200 much like I see her, and then I think of 0:29:31.200 --> 0:29:33.600 my little sisters, and I'm like the fact that anyone 0:29:34.040 --> 0:29:37.280 could put someone in that position to feel out of 0:29:37.280 --> 0:29:41.200 control of their body or that they're owed someone something 0:29:41.240 --> 0:29:44.160 through their body, like, it's just it's so horrible. This 0:29:44.200 --> 0:29:46.000 is the other thing is I hope that for someone 0:29:46.040 --> 0:29:48.120 like that, they can get their power back by talking 0:29:48.160 --> 0:29:50.440 about it to other people, going to a support group, 0:29:50.520 --> 0:29:54.160 or helping younger girls who are currently experiencing this, because 0:29:54.160 --> 0:29:57.120 I feel like once you put yourself in that position 0:29:57.120 --> 0:29:59.239 to help someone else, it gives you a sense of 0:30:00.040 --> 0:30:02.080 self again. They're like, Okay, whatever was taken from me, 0:30:02.120 --> 0:30:06.040 I'm helping someone else, Like you get something back internally. Yeah, No, 0:30:06.280 --> 0:30:08.360 I think you're probably right about that. And it's also 0:30:08.760 --> 0:30:11.640 it's really hard to talk about sexual abuse, but it's 0:30:11.680 --> 0:30:14.120 really hard for someone's power to be taken away. It's 0:30:14.440 --> 0:30:17.720 it's not fair because nobody gets to do that, you know, 0:30:17.800 --> 0:30:20.800 nobody gets to take somebody else's power away. But I 0:30:20.800 --> 0:30:23.720 do feel like she, based on the limited information we 0:30:23.760 --> 0:30:26.520 had that her boyfriend is probably, you know, good guy. 0:30:26.960 --> 0:30:30.320 He's understanding, he's trying to process this with her, and 0:30:30.360 --> 0:30:32.440 there need to be more men like that that understand 0:30:32.640 --> 0:30:35.640 the dynamics of past sex issues that women have gone 0:30:35.640 --> 0:30:39.960 through and being patient. So yeah, I agree with that. 0:30:40.640 --> 0:30:43.640 Her next amission, who is a caller. Her name is Charlotte. 0:30:43.680 --> 0:30:46.600 She's from Houston. She's twenty three, a recent college grad. 0:30:47.160 --> 0:30:49.840 She writes, Dear Chelsea, how do I stop feeling so 0:30:49.960 --> 0:30:51.760 ugly all the time? I can't stop looking in the 0:30:51.760 --> 0:30:54.600 mirror and thinking about how people I find hot would 0:30:54.600 --> 0:30:57.760 never find me beautiful. You seem so confident and I 0:30:57.840 --> 0:31:05.360 want that, Charlotte, are you there? Hi? Yes? I am Hi, Charlotte, hiute? 0:31:05.600 --> 0:31:10.560 I know what are you talking about? Well, it feels 0:31:10.840 --> 0:31:13.360 it feels stupid to think about because it's like such 0:31:13.360 --> 0:31:16.440 a shallow thing to care about, and I hate using 0:31:16.480 --> 0:31:20.720 brain power thinking about it. But I just like spiral 0:31:20.880 --> 0:31:23.520 sometimes and I spend too much time like looking in 0:31:23.520 --> 0:31:25.880 the mirror, and I just I can only see the 0:31:25.960 --> 0:31:29.200 things that our flaws and that I hate about myself, 0:31:29.280 --> 0:31:32.520 And then I like go on Instagram or whatever, and 0:31:33.040 --> 0:31:36.360 I'm not just like comparing myself to models or whatever, 0:31:36.440 --> 0:31:38.520 But I'm looking at like my peers and I'm like, 0:31:38.560 --> 0:31:43.240 oh this, I'm not measuring up. And I really struggle 0:31:43.280 --> 0:31:45.560 with that. And you just seem so confident and like 0:31:45.680 --> 0:31:48.880 you don't care, and I admire that a lot. Well 0:31:48.920 --> 0:31:52.480 that's bullshit. I do care. I just care more. I do. 0:31:52.600 --> 0:31:55.960 I care immensely, But I care more about also myself 0:31:56.400 --> 0:32:01.160 worth than I care about my look. I care a 0:32:01.240 --> 0:32:03.480 lot about my look. So don't think that I do 0:32:03.560 --> 0:32:05.920 not care. Okay, I live in l A. It's impossible 0:32:05.960 --> 0:32:09.280 not to care. But I know the cycles that bring 0:32:09.360 --> 0:32:12.560 me down. And one of them is trolling through Instagram 0:32:12.640 --> 0:32:15.520 and looking and comparing yourself to other people. And the 0:32:15.560 --> 0:32:17.480 other thing is looking in the mirror all the time. 0:32:17.520 --> 0:32:19.000 Do you know many times I've been at lunch with 0:32:19.040 --> 0:32:23.320 somebody and there's like a reflection or glass behind there 0:32:23.440 --> 0:32:25.560 wall that I'm facing. I'll be sitting across from somebody 0:32:25.600 --> 0:32:27.920 and they'll be glass or and I'll be sitting there 0:32:27.920 --> 0:32:30.200 staring at myself, and then I have to realize, oh 0:32:30.240 --> 0:32:32.880 my god, you're sucking at lunch and you're staring at yourself. 0:32:33.200 --> 0:32:35.520 Could you be a big Like? There is no bigger 0:32:35.520 --> 0:32:38.920 loser than that person, right, so you can't be that person. 0:32:39.080 --> 0:32:40.520 You know, we're not in the business of looking at 0:32:40.520 --> 0:32:42.040 ourselves in the mirror all day long. That was for 0:32:42.120 --> 0:32:43.920 when we were little girls growing up and we had 0:32:43.960 --> 0:32:46.160 nothing better to do. So you have to get rid 0:32:46.200 --> 0:32:48.120 of those habits. A they're not helpful, you know what 0:32:48.120 --> 0:32:50.320 I mean. You should limit your time to Instagram for 0:32:50.360 --> 0:32:52.760 a few you know, for whatever is a reasonable amount 0:32:52.760 --> 0:32:54.200 of time for you, And you should try and get 0:32:54.200 --> 0:32:55.760 out of the habit of like staying too long in 0:32:55.840 --> 0:32:57.320 front of the mirror, even if it's in the morning 0:32:57.360 --> 0:33:02.640 or you're getting ready. You're totally horrible. You're pretty, you're beautify, 0:33:02.720 --> 0:33:04.600 like you have I don't know what you're talking You're 0:33:04.640 --> 0:33:07.440 like making a problem where there is none. Well, it's 0:33:07.480 --> 0:33:08.760 the most part of the reason I don't want to 0:33:08.760 --> 0:33:10.480 talk about it is because I feel like it can 0:33:10.720 --> 0:33:13.320 come off as like fishing for compliments, and then people 0:33:13.360 --> 0:33:15.560 are like, oh, what are you talking about? But I 0:33:15.560 --> 0:33:18.200 feel like it's like a deeper issue than that. I mean, 0:33:18.240 --> 0:33:21.280 I appreciate it, thank you. I just it's uncomfortable to 0:33:21.320 --> 0:33:24.520 hear when we're telling you. I'm sure there are there 0:33:24.520 --> 0:33:26.160 are these things that when people are doing it's like 0:33:26.480 --> 0:33:28.520 it's so hard to see yourself the way someone else 0:33:28.520 --> 0:33:32.160 sees you, and so then when you're going through it, 0:33:32.160 --> 0:33:34.080 it's like you don't want to vocalize it because you 0:33:34.120 --> 0:33:37.400 know someone would kill to look like you. Yeah, it's 0:33:37.400 --> 0:33:40.240 just just strange. But and it's okay, it's okay to 0:33:40.440 --> 0:33:42.480 acknowledge it. But you also have to accept it that 0:33:42.800 --> 0:33:46.440 we can never look like someone else. So comparing yourself 0:33:46.440 --> 0:33:48.360 to someone is a dead end, Like you're never going 0:33:48.400 --> 0:33:51.200 to fulfill yourself that way, So you have to look 0:33:51.240 --> 0:33:54.280 at what else you're contributing to society as a person, 0:33:54.360 --> 0:33:56.520 Like maybe you have a killer sense of humor. There's 0:33:56.520 --> 0:33:58.160 so much more to you than your looks, and you 0:33:58.200 --> 0:34:00.719 already have great looks. So it's also it's also like 0:34:00.920 --> 0:34:04.280 you think I exude confidence, Okay, Like I am very 0:34:04.320 --> 0:34:06.520 confident about myself, and I think, like you have to 0:34:06.600 --> 0:34:11.080 really focus on what your where your confidence is coming from? Right? 0:34:11.120 --> 0:34:13.600 Where are you getting your confidence from? From your job, 0:34:13.840 --> 0:34:17.279 from your family, from your friends? Right? Where is it 0:34:17.280 --> 0:34:19.759 coming from? I mean I guess my friends, Like my 0:34:19.840 --> 0:34:22.000 friends are you know, they're the people that hypen me 0:34:22.080 --> 0:34:23.880 up the most, and they're like the most important thing 0:34:23.920 --> 0:34:27.239 to me so, and what are the people I care about? Right? Right? 0:34:27.239 --> 0:34:30.160 But you don't have to care. That's not your confidence, though, 0:34:30.560 --> 0:34:33.000 where are you getting your self esteem from? Like you 0:34:33.000 --> 0:34:34.840 could get self esteem from some of your friends, but 0:34:34.920 --> 0:34:37.640 like where is your self worth coming from? You know? 0:34:37.760 --> 0:34:41.799 How do you think about yourself? I guess my personality, 0:34:42.000 --> 0:34:43.600 Like that's what I think I bring to the table 0:34:43.600 --> 0:34:45.160 when I meet people. And that's when I think I 0:34:45.239 --> 0:34:49.200 bring to the table when I am out and about right, 0:34:49.239 --> 0:34:52.280 And that's well, that's plenty. I mean your personality alone, 0:34:52.320 --> 0:34:54.040 like if you know you're adding to the mix when 0:34:54.040 --> 0:34:56.400 you show up somewhere or that like your friend group 0:34:56.440 --> 0:34:58.279 is going to have more fun once you get there. 0:34:58.400 --> 0:35:00.400 Like that's a lot to be confident about. Do you 0:35:00.400 --> 0:35:02.160 know what the fucking worst thing in the world is 0:35:02.160 --> 0:35:04.520 is going to like a dinner or happy hour with 0:35:04.680 --> 0:35:07.960 people who are beautiful but fucking duds and that's all 0:35:08.000 --> 0:35:10.120 that's all of l A. You'll go and this, like 0:35:10.160 --> 0:35:11.879 I do it to myself all the time. You'll show 0:35:11.960 --> 0:35:14.160 up and there's this like beautiful gay guy sitting next 0:35:14.160 --> 0:35:15.600 to me, and I'm like, what I would I would 0:35:15.960 --> 0:35:17.560 kill to look like you. But he doesn't have a 0:35:17.640 --> 0:35:20.760 thing to say. He's not cracking one joke, he's contributing nothing. 0:35:21.400 --> 0:35:24.319 Why is that an issue? Because everything that we use 0:35:24.400 --> 0:35:27.520 to measure ourselves right now is based on a photo online, 0:35:27.800 --> 0:35:30.239 So we can't tell what sort of personality someone has. 0:35:30.960 --> 0:35:34.080 You know what started TikTok? You'll probably shine there because 0:35:34.080 --> 0:35:36.560 it's a video where someone can see your personality. I 0:35:36.560 --> 0:35:38.200 know that that's true because my friends we call it 0:35:38.239 --> 0:35:41.280 like hot girl syndrome, because if you grew up beautiful, 0:35:41.280 --> 0:35:43.600 if you were always like a pretty person, if you 0:35:43.640 --> 0:35:46.400 were never bullied in middle school, you never had to 0:35:46.520 --> 0:35:49.839 like develop a personality to fight your way through it, 0:35:50.320 --> 0:35:53.360 and they like get away with things that normal people can't. 0:35:53.560 --> 0:35:55.160 Like we'll be at the bar and we'll be like 0:35:55.160 --> 0:35:56.879 can we please come in? And they'll be like no, 0:35:57.480 --> 0:35:59.239 And then our beautiful friend will be like, hi, can 0:35:59.280 --> 0:36:02.080 me and my seven friends come in? And they're like, 0:36:02.120 --> 0:36:04.880 of course, please come in. Like we'll roll out the 0:36:04.880 --> 0:36:07.239 red carpet and it's just I don't know, like it's 0:36:07.640 --> 0:36:10.040 but you should see that for what it is, right Like, 0:36:10.120 --> 0:36:12.439 So that's her advantage in life, right, So she gets 0:36:12.480 --> 0:36:14.239 to get all of her girlfriends into a bar and 0:36:14.280 --> 0:36:17.319 that's her advantage. Your advantage may not be that, but 0:36:17.440 --> 0:36:20.120 you've still got something that she doesn't have. And it's 0:36:20.120 --> 0:36:22.239 not all about that, you know what I mean, Like 0:36:22.360 --> 0:36:25.160 it really isn't everybody who's like so hung up on 0:36:25.239 --> 0:36:27.680 how beautiful they are or how they can be more beautiful. 0:36:27.840 --> 0:36:30.239 Guess what, unless you're willing to get plastic surgery, you're 0:36:30.280 --> 0:36:32.480 not going to be able to change your face. You know, 0:36:32.800 --> 0:36:34.640 if you want to look like a Kardashian, you could 0:36:34.680 --> 0:36:38.080 surgically look like that. But like, I think confidence comes 0:36:38.080 --> 0:36:40.160 from a lot more than just the way you look. 0:36:40.280 --> 0:36:43.319 So you should dig into the reasons or the circumstances 0:36:43.320 --> 0:36:47.240 where you do feel confident and remember what those were about. Yeah, 0:36:47.480 --> 0:36:49.000 you know, I don't know. I do feel like it's 0:36:49.440 --> 0:36:52.120 challenging because I do, like I think it is different 0:36:52.120 --> 0:36:53.960 for women than it is for men, and I think 0:36:54.000 --> 0:36:58.759 that's fucking ship. Yeah, and I mean it is. I 0:36:58.760 --> 0:37:02.000 feel like it's so obvious that like your looks as 0:37:02.000 --> 0:37:06.480 a woman impact your time in business in relationships, Like 0:37:06.520 --> 0:37:08.239 it just that's just the way it is, and I 0:37:08.280 --> 0:37:10.600 wish it wasn't that way. I wish it was all personality. 0:37:10.640 --> 0:37:13.480 But like the way you look does matter so much? 0:37:13.480 --> 0:37:15.880 And I I mean you obviously know that living in 0:37:16.080 --> 0:37:18.680 l A. But like, I think that's another reason where 0:37:18.760 --> 0:37:20.840 when people are like, oh, just get over it, or 0:37:21.080 --> 0:37:23.360 you're pretty enough, and then it's like, well, but it 0:37:23.400 --> 0:37:26.040 does matter because it's so clear like in everyday life 0:37:26.040 --> 0:37:29.000 that pretty people get treated even better. Yeah, but you're 0:37:29.160 --> 0:37:32.680 still arguing about something that you can't change, right, I mean, 0:37:32.800 --> 0:37:35.279 you are the way you are you're I mean, which 0:37:35.320 --> 0:37:38.120 again is like you are a beautiful which is pretty. Yeah, 0:37:38.160 --> 0:37:40.160 so you are the way that you are. So like 0:37:40.480 --> 0:37:42.560 it's like you're saying like, okay, So it's like me 0:37:42.640 --> 0:37:45.760 sitting here and going, God, I wish I had more money, 0:37:45.920 --> 0:37:48.040 more money, more money, more money. Look at that person, 0:37:48.040 --> 0:37:49.640 look at that person. I want more money. I want 0:37:49.640 --> 0:37:51.759 more money. I want more money. It's like, well, no, 0:37:51.880 --> 0:37:53.480 that's not a good example because if you really wanted 0:37:53.520 --> 0:37:55.000 the money, I would go after you know what I 0:37:55.040 --> 0:37:58.960 mean that example, and I'm making that like everyone has 0:37:59.000 --> 0:38:02.040 something else and that it's not always obtainable. So yeah, 0:38:02.120 --> 0:38:04.520 maybe the money thing for you would be accessible, but 0:38:04.600 --> 0:38:06.520 maybe there's a role that you wanted or a show 0:38:06.640 --> 0:38:09.960 or something that you couldn't get that does not diminish 0:38:10.000 --> 0:38:13.680 what you do have. Right, So that very very kind 0:38:13.719 --> 0:38:17.200 of like corny saying of not focusing, like, don't focus 0:38:17.239 --> 0:38:19.480 on what you don't have, focus on what you do have, 0:38:20.000 --> 0:38:23.560 is actually very meaningful to me. I always do that 0:38:23.640 --> 0:38:26.000 whenever I get in any sort of negative rut. I'm like, 0:38:26.120 --> 0:38:29.399 just focus on what you have and what you can 0:38:29.440 --> 0:38:32.720 offer and who you are. Why are you different than everyone? 0:38:32.800 --> 0:38:34.400 Which you are? You know what I mean, You're a 0:38:34.480 --> 0:38:38.399 unique person. So yeah, our self worth is like it's 0:38:38.440 --> 0:38:41.520 it's almost like you're allowing it to be dictated to you, right, 0:38:41.800 --> 0:38:45.200 You're allowing the men in charge to tell you that 0:38:45.280 --> 0:38:47.600 this girl is prettier because you see her on your feet, 0:38:47.680 --> 0:38:50.400 or this girl's prettier, that girl's prettier. You're running a 0:38:50.480 --> 0:38:56.239 race that you can't win. Yeah, you know, so find 0:38:56.280 --> 0:38:59.200 that thing. It's a skill, a talent, maybe it's something 0:38:59.200 --> 0:39:02.120 that you have, like baking, whatever that is. Like, again, 0:39:02.320 --> 0:39:05.520 it's hard to quantify on Instagram how good you're going 0:39:05.520 --> 0:39:07.920 to feel about yourself in that way, but those little 0:39:07.960 --> 0:39:10.640 things a personality is way more important to me than 0:39:10.680 --> 0:39:13.000 looks at this point in every person. But it gives 0:39:13.000 --> 0:39:15.760 you an inherent sense of confidence. When you find whatever 0:39:15.800 --> 0:39:18.239 that is that you're really great or that you really love, 0:39:18.520 --> 0:39:21.680 you'll realize it's less about your looks because you were 0:39:21.680 --> 0:39:24.080 just looking for something to give you that confidence boost. 0:39:24.760 --> 0:39:26.320 And then you realize, oh, I was investing energy in 0:39:26.360 --> 0:39:27.759 this wrong thing. Like think of all this time and 0:39:27.840 --> 0:39:30.720 energy you're putting into wishing you look like this person. 0:39:30.840 --> 0:39:33.560 So this person might like you, take that energy invested 0:39:33.600 --> 0:39:36.480 into something that you can physically put your finger on 0:39:36.520 --> 0:39:38.879 that like, oh this makes me feel good and other 0:39:38.920 --> 0:39:40.800 people appreciate it, and you're gonna realize like, oh, I 0:39:40.800 --> 0:39:42.520 actually don't care that much that I don't look like 0:39:42.560 --> 0:39:47.160 this woman. Yeah, that's really great advice. Well, it's true. 0:39:47.200 --> 0:39:49.279 It's just like find something. I'm doing that right now. 0:39:49.320 --> 0:39:51.759 It's hard. And pat yourself on the back every time 0:39:51.800 --> 0:39:53.759 you do. Add something like you know, if you have 0:39:53.760 --> 0:39:55.759 a good time with your girlfriends and you were a 0:39:55.800 --> 0:39:57.839 big part of that, you know, go like way to go. 0:39:57.960 --> 0:40:00.960 You know, like remember to tell yourself why you're valuable? 0:40:01.200 --> 0:40:05.400 Do you work? I just graduated college, so I'm congratulations. 0:40:05.800 --> 0:40:09.120 That's also awesome that you just graduated college. Give yourself 0:40:09.120 --> 0:40:10.640 about on the back for that girl. I didn't even 0:40:10.640 --> 0:40:12.480 get that far, which means you have a lot of 0:40:12.800 --> 0:40:16.319 time to figure it out. Everything seems like imminent right now, 0:40:16.320 --> 0:40:18.560 like I have to figure this out. It's not. There's 0:40:18.719 --> 0:40:20.960 a lot of time left. Yeah, but you know, it 0:40:21.080 --> 0:40:23.719 is an inside job, like your confidence is up to you. 0:40:23.880 --> 0:40:26.640 It's an inside job. As my psychiatrist Dan always tells me, 0:40:26.680 --> 0:40:29.759 everything is like it's whatever mental story you're going to 0:40:29.840 --> 0:40:32.239 tell yourself every single day, and you have to get 0:40:32.280 --> 0:40:35.040 into the habit of telling yourself why you're valuable and 0:40:35.080 --> 0:40:39.480 that it's not dependent on your looks. It's not all physical. 0:40:40.400 --> 0:40:42.239 It's such a minor part. It seems like it's the 0:40:42.239 --> 0:40:46.120 only part, but it's not. Yeah, it's not just the celebrity. 0:40:46.160 --> 0:40:48.160 Is like, I can't help but compare myself to my friends. 0:40:48.840 --> 0:40:51.120 But remember everyone is doing that. So someone is doing 0:40:51.160 --> 0:40:54.000 that to you. Someone you're encountering throughout your day is saying, 0:40:54.000 --> 0:40:55.320 like I wish I looked like that girl, Like I 0:40:55.360 --> 0:40:57.400 wish I had her laugh her teeth. Whatever it is, 0:40:58.800 --> 0:41:03.000 it is a constant, revolving wheel of comparisons. Do you 0:41:03.000 --> 0:41:07.080 have a sister? I do I have an older sister? Okay, 0:41:07.120 --> 0:41:14.120 are you guys tight? No? Okay. I was just gonna say, like, 0:41:14.239 --> 0:41:17.600 when I get a little distracted by like what's important 0:41:17.600 --> 0:41:20.600 and what isn't, I remind myself to think about if 0:41:20.640 --> 0:41:23.360 I would allow this to happen to my sister. Would 0:41:23.360 --> 0:41:25.400 I allow my sister to go through the day beating 0:41:25.440 --> 0:41:28.160 herself up about her looks? No, I wouldn't. So I 0:41:28.160 --> 0:41:29.799 was going to say to you to think of someone 0:41:29.840 --> 0:41:31.759 in your life that you really care about and how 0:41:31.760 --> 0:41:33.759 you would feel if they were treating themselves like this, 0:41:34.880 --> 0:41:39.120 like a daughter or a niece or you know, someone's friend, Yeah, 0:41:39.200 --> 0:41:41.320 one of your best friends. Like, you don't want anyone 0:41:41.360 --> 0:41:42.920 to feel this way. You don't want you want to 0:41:42.960 --> 0:41:45.520 be empowered and emboldened as a woman and as an 0:41:45.520 --> 0:41:49.480 example for other women in your life. Right, I mean 0:41:49.480 --> 0:41:51.640 it is true. Like also, personality effects so much of 0:41:51.680 --> 0:41:54.120 what you see as beautiful people, because if someone's beautiful 0:41:54.160 --> 0:41:56.040 and they're a shitty person, you don't think that they're 0:41:56.040 --> 0:41:58.279 attractive anymore exactly. And let me tell you, if you 0:41:58.320 --> 0:42:00.480 had a confidence to walk up to that ouncer or 0:42:00.520 --> 0:42:03.640 security at the bar with an authority like you were 0:42:03.680 --> 0:42:05.640 going to get in, he probably would have let you in. 0:42:05.719 --> 0:42:07.680 It's just like that Amy Shumor movie. Like, it's all 0:42:07.680 --> 0:42:09.759 about your perception. So if you come off like no, 0:42:09.840 --> 0:42:11.759 I'm like I am hot, I look fucking hot, I 0:42:11.760 --> 0:42:14.360 feel hot, Like that's what people are going to see. 0:42:14.440 --> 0:42:17.239 When you're perceiving yourself in a certain way, it can 0:42:17.440 --> 0:42:20.040 challenge what people think of you because it's just the 0:42:20.120 --> 0:42:24.040 energy you're putting off. So go into tomorrow with a 0:42:24.080 --> 0:42:26.160 different mentality of how you're going to look at yourself 0:42:26.160 --> 0:42:29.399 in the mirror through other people's lenses, and I'm sure 0:42:29.480 --> 0:42:36.359 you're going to see an adjustment. Yeah, like confidence is hot. Yeah, thing, 0:42:36.560 --> 0:42:39.080 So grab onto that. Write a fucking note to yourself. 0:42:39.120 --> 0:42:40.880 Put confidence right next to your nightstand, so when you 0:42:40.920 --> 0:42:43.160 wake up every morning, you're like, okay, copy that and 0:42:43.160 --> 0:42:46.120 then carry it around with you. All right, I'll put 0:42:46.120 --> 0:42:49.520 it on my mirror. Yeah yeah, put it on your mirror. Yeah, 0:42:49.600 --> 0:42:50.960 with a picture of me next to it with a 0:42:51.000 --> 0:42:54.200 thumbs up. Yeah, that's what I'll put that. I love that. 0:42:54.280 --> 0:42:57.520 I'll see that every day. Yeah yeah, and then remember confidence. 0:42:57.680 --> 0:42:59.960 Report back, Charlotte. Let us know how it's going. Well, 0:43:01.040 --> 0:43:05.919 do you have a boyfriend? No, Okay, I don't want that. Okay, 0:43:06.120 --> 0:43:10.840 you don't. Well, that that's confidence right there. There you go? Okay, 0:43:10.840 --> 0:43:13.400 all right by Charlotte. Problem, thank you so much. This 0:43:13.480 --> 0:43:17.759 was so great by Charlotte. Fine, she was cute. Yeah, 0:43:18.080 --> 0:43:24.680 another cutie, Petuti. The confidence issues that people place on 0:43:24.719 --> 0:43:29.239 the very pervasive issue, and especially like younger girls, it's 0:43:29.400 --> 0:43:31.640 real bad out there. Huh. Aren't you so glad that 0:43:31.680 --> 0:43:35.279 you didn't grow up with social media? So glad I 0:43:35.320 --> 0:43:37.919 don't have a child. I am so glad I don't 0:43:37.960 --> 0:43:41.759 have a daughter that needs to be raised or that 0:43:41.840 --> 0:43:45.360 needs confidence instilled in her, or that I have to 0:43:45.400 --> 0:43:48.800 watch a girl like go through heartbreak or I couldn't. 0:43:49.040 --> 0:43:51.200 When do you feel your most confident? I don't know. 0:43:51.680 --> 0:43:55.760 Actually have multiple parts that, like when do you feel sexist? Well, 0:43:55.920 --> 0:43:57.960 I mean it helps to be like in hair and makeup, 0:43:58.080 --> 0:44:00.439 you know, like an out and about in a nice 0:44:00.480 --> 0:44:02.680 outfit and like where you're dressed up. You know, I'm 0:44:02.680 --> 0:44:04.839 not gonna get dressed up on my own. So that's 0:44:04.840 --> 0:44:06.799 half the time. I feel the most confident when I'm 0:44:06.840 --> 0:44:08.520 working and I have to be in hair and makeup 0:44:08.560 --> 0:44:12.480 and I'm appearing on like a talk show or Okay, 0:44:12.480 --> 0:44:14.080 but so let's split that up. Is that when you 0:44:14.120 --> 0:44:17.279 feel your sexiest or most confident or do you feel 0:44:17.280 --> 0:44:19.600 like those are one and the same, because that's women 0:44:19.640 --> 0:44:21.840 are conditioned to believe that they're most confident should be 0:44:21.880 --> 0:44:24.520 when they feel the sexiest. There's so many perspectives to 0:44:24.560 --> 0:44:26.520 take on this, but yeah, I'm sure that the hair 0:44:26.520 --> 0:44:28.759 and makeup, you do feel sexy because you feel put together, 0:44:28.880 --> 0:44:32.040 you feel presentable. Some women feel I feel sexy when 0:44:32.040 --> 0:44:34.960 I'm having sex. That's what I feel sexy, and I'm 0:44:35.040 --> 0:44:38.040 having sex with somebody that's sexy, and I feel like, 0:44:38.320 --> 0:44:41.360 not to put a man's perspective on what you feel, 0:44:41.719 --> 0:44:44.000 but there's a certain confidence I see in you. When 0:44:44.000 --> 0:44:47.080 you're skiing and you're completely covered, you can't see any 0:44:47.120 --> 0:44:50.040 part of your body, but you are on the mountain. 0:44:50.080 --> 0:44:52.120 There is like a confidence that I see in you 0:44:52.200 --> 0:44:55.160 that you know that you can do anything. You're willing 0:44:55.160 --> 0:44:59.080 to try anything. Thank you, Brandon, You're welcome. That's what 0:44:59.160 --> 0:45:01.080 I was saying. Surely I've like there's a skill or 0:45:01.120 --> 0:45:03.480 a talent, or there's there's so many other ways to 0:45:03.760 --> 0:45:08.200 feel feel sex, to feel confident, feel like you have 0:45:08.360 --> 0:45:12.080 something of value or worth well. I think competence is 0:45:12.520 --> 0:45:16.080 has a lot to do with confidence. You know, for women, 0:45:16.719 --> 0:45:19.239 it's like when we feel competent in an area, we 0:45:19.320 --> 0:45:22.719 feel very confident in that area, whereas men feel competent 0:45:22.920 --> 0:45:26.120 and confident when they shouldn't most of the time. Yeah, 0:45:26.239 --> 0:45:29.719 so I think women it's a game, because it's not 0:45:29.800 --> 0:45:32.399 a game. It's almost like there's been this number done 0:45:32.400 --> 0:45:34.640 on all women, you know, believing that we have to 0:45:34.840 --> 0:45:37.320 live up to these expectations. And I'm just as guilty 0:45:37.360 --> 0:45:39.800 as the next girl for buying into all that ship. 0:45:39.880 --> 0:45:42.399 So we do care a lot about the way we look. 0:45:42.440 --> 0:45:44.959 I mean, when I see you stressing out about your looks, 0:45:44.960 --> 0:45:46.960 it's funny to me, or like you know, your diet 0:45:47.080 --> 0:45:50.319 or whatever. I'm like, oh my god, I can't believe that. 0:45:50.360 --> 0:45:52.600 But gay men are just like women like with in 0:45:52.680 --> 0:45:54.600 terms of their vani. I've been sitting here the entire 0:45:54.640 --> 0:45:57.239 time we have been recording some of these to see 0:45:57.239 --> 0:45:59.919 what it might look like for video, And there were 0:46:00.040 --> 0:46:01.840 single frames of each of us, and there was a 0:46:01.880 --> 0:46:05.040 shot of me and the cameras crystal clear, and I 0:46:05.120 --> 0:46:07.520 hated that it's all been thinking about what about the shot? 0:46:07.640 --> 0:46:10.200 Yeah right, oh yeah, Like it stresses me out just 0:46:10.200 --> 0:46:11.920 thinking about like I don't want that single shot going 0:46:11.920 --> 0:46:14.279 anywhere like I looked like ship, Yeah, well so did I. 0:46:14.400 --> 0:46:19.520 So we're even. So we're both canall those so now 0:46:19.560 --> 0:46:23.080 we'll do a double double shot. We don't like polaroids 0:46:23.080 --> 0:46:25.080 being taken from now on because everyone looks good in 0:46:25.160 --> 0:46:28.400 the polaroid. I like to look blown out, is what 0:46:28.480 --> 0:46:30.640 I like to look. You're not blowing out like some 0:46:30.680 --> 0:46:32.759 of these women with the filters where it's like where 0:46:32.800 --> 0:46:35.120 do your eyes begin? In your cheeks? And none of 0:46:35.200 --> 0:46:38.719 it makes sense. You're just a potato. That's who we 0:46:38.760 --> 0:46:41.279 should have. Call in a potato, your little potato, Your 0:46:41.320 --> 0:46:45.680 next potato. Potato is not gonna be a little potato anymore. 0:46:45.680 --> 0:46:47.200 And he's not gonna sit in my lap next summer. 0:46:47.200 --> 0:46:50.240 I bet it seems like he is. He's a sprouting potato. 0:46:50.560 --> 0:46:52.520 He's going to be he's going to be an adolescent 0:46:52.560 --> 0:46:54.239 potato suit and then it's going to be no more 0:46:54.280 --> 0:47:00.200 funny stuff. How old is he? Twelve? Potato summer over? 0:47:01.280 --> 0:47:04.040 Goodbye potato. And for those of you who don't know potato, 0:47:04.120 --> 0:47:06.600 that's my nephew who I just got a very troubling 0:47:06.640 --> 0:47:09.600 picture from my sister or my brother because it's his 0:47:09.680 --> 0:47:12.840 son where he looks like he's about fucking twenty five, 0:47:13.040 --> 0:47:15.600 and he was eleven last year and a baby and 0:47:15.640 --> 0:47:18.600 still sat on top of me. They hid an age 0:47:18.640 --> 0:47:21.120 where they will no longer sit with you in that way, 0:47:21.280 --> 0:47:24.000 and I missed it. It happened during COVID and I 0:47:24.040 --> 0:47:26.719 missed it. So that was my last baby. We have 0:47:26.800 --> 0:47:28.640 one other baby in the family, Russell, but he did 0:47:28.760 --> 0:47:33.160 never sits with me, So it's just like Burton Bernice 0:47:33.160 --> 0:47:36.879 all over again. All right, Well, we've gotten into quite 0:47:36.920 --> 0:47:38.200 a bit today, so why don't we take a quick 0:47:38.200 --> 0:47:42.640 break and we'll be right back. Okay, sounds good. Hello 0:47:42.680 --> 0:47:46.080 Sarah from West Virginia, age thirty four. She is an 0:47:46.239 --> 0:47:51.319 environmental biologist. She writes, Dear Chelsea, what advice do you 0:47:51.360 --> 0:47:54.279 have for people with social anxiety where you struggle with 0:47:54.280 --> 0:47:56.640 going out in public places, having to be a leader 0:47:56.719 --> 0:47:58.920 role at work, or working with people you don't know 0:47:59.000 --> 0:48:02.319 will or even in the case of healthy living, with 0:48:02.400 --> 0:48:04.800 having social anxiety, to go run or bike in public 0:48:05.239 --> 0:48:08.440 or even the gym. Sincerely, the anxiety chick who had 0:48:08.440 --> 0:48:11.600 anxiety readiness, I know that feeling. You know who else 0:48:11.600 --> 0:48:14.839 has this feeling combasing her she has terrible social anxiety. 0:48:14.840 --> 0:48:17.440 Oh yeah, yeah she does. She has a phobia of groups. 0:48:17.560 --> 0:48:20.120 You know, there's something called propanolol that's a beta blocker. 0:48:20.360 --> 0:48:22.239 You have to get a prescription from your doctor, but 0:48:22.280 --> 0:48:24.680 you should talk to your doctor about propan all or 0:48:24.719 --> 0:48:27.399 any other beta blocker because that will be the first 0:48:27.400 --> 0:48:30.799 step to you to kind of ease your nervousness, and 0:48:30.840 --> 0:48:34.080 it will just kind of like it just does something 0:48:34.120 --> 0:48:36.400 to your brain where it kind of blocks off the 0:48:36.480 --> 0:48:39.160 neurow pathways that send the message to your brain that 0:48:39.200 --> 0:48:42.000 you are going to be nervous. It stops that. However, 0:48:42.040 --> 0:48:44.680 your nervousness could present, like if you get dry mouth 0:48:44.840 --> 0:48:47.320 or you have shaky leg or whatever. There are multiple 0:48:47.360 --> 0:48:49.520 ways you should talk to your doctor about a beta 0:48:49.520 --> 0:48:53.279 blocker because that helps so many people. Taras on the phone, 0:48:53.280 --> 0:48:58.880 did you realize, sorry, sometimes forget people. Sometimes people are 0:48:58.920 --> 0:49:02.440 calling it. I was just in in listening, yeahstening. What 0:49:02.600 --> 0:49:05.879 state are you in, Sarah, West Virginia? So you guys 0:49:05.960 --> 0:49:09.600 don't have legalized cannabis there? We do not, Okay, So 0:49:09.760 --> 0:49:11.400 do you have a local GP that you can talk 0:49:11.440 --> 0:49:13.920 to about a beta blocker? I do, but I do 0:49:14.160 --> 0:49:17.480 take a maybe a beta block blocker. I take Zoloft, 0:49:17.560 --> 0:49:21.040 well that's for anxiety. All that's for depression, right, but 0:49:21.320 --> 0:49:24.319 to also take well Beautran for that, so it's a mix. 0:49:24.520 --> 0:49:27.319 So Zoloft and well Beautron though are for depression, both 0:49:27.400 --> 0:49:29.319 of them. So it is we're talking to your doctor 0:49:29.400 --> 0:49:31.600 about him prescribing you a beta blocker because I have 0:49:31.760 --> 0:49:34.400 heard some people have had not great side effects, like 0:49:34.480 --> 0:49:37.000 it kind of turns them into a zombie blah blah blah. 0:49:37.200 --> 0:49:39.719 For me, it's exactly what I needed. I had a 0:49:39.760 --> 0:49:44.440 shaky legs syndrome period, which was very weird and unsettling. 0:49:44.560 --> 0:49:47.719 Since I stand up for a fucking living, so I 0:49:47.880 --> 0:49:50.000 take Preparanto law before I go on stage. I take 0:49:50.040 --> 0:49:52.239 a half of one. I don't really need to take it, 0:49:52.400 --> 0:49:55.560 but I take it because it's an insurance policy for 0:49:55.680 --> 0:49:57.320 me that I'm not going to get. You know what. 0:49:57.440 --> 0:50:00.520 It also helps me with not talking so fast, because 0:50:00.600 --> 0:50:03.879 that is a big problem of mine, is talking where 0:50:03.960 --> 0:50:08.520 I'm winded and I have to slow it down. And 0:50:08.600 --> 0:50:10.680 I'm sure it's also very frustrating for the people that 0:50:10.840 --> 0:50:14.160 listen to this podcast when I talk fast. So my apologies. 0:50:14.440 --> 0:50:16.880 I am working on it, and please remember that we're 0:50:16.920 --> 0:50:19.000 not fucking doctors. I know I sound like one because 0:50:19.000 --> 0:50:21.520 I have a lot of medical experience in my own experience, 0:50:21.800 --> 0:50:24.560 and of course I'm illegally prescribing things to my friends 0:50:24.600 --> 0:50:28.080 and family. But you cannot listen to me and then say, 0:50:28.200 --> 0:50:31.160 Chelsea said, this was a great idea. You kind of 0:50:31.239 --> 0:50:33.680 have to talk to someone else in between that. So 0:50:34.040 --> 0:50:36.239 you know what I mean. You can't. You can't listen 0:50:36.280 --> 0:50:39.600 to me and go, I said, because there are people 0:50:39.680 --> 0:50:41.640 that will do that and I'm telling you not to. 0:50:42.000 --> 0:50:44.600 So if you're listening to this podcast, you must like me, 0:50:44.880 --> 0:50:47.200 right and want to listen to me. I mean, you 0:50:47.280 --> 0:50:50.160 know you don't have to listen to me, but seriously 0:50:50.200 --> 0:50:53.600 listen to me. For instance, I had very bad anxiety, 0:50:54.239 --> 0:50:57.479 and I took one pparental law before I publicly spoke 0:50:57.560 --> 0:50:59.800 for like a week. Then I took a half and 0:51:00.040 --> 0:51:02.279 out every once in a while, I take a half 0:51:02.360 --> 0:51:04.000 if I feel it, So you don't. You're not on 0:51:04.120 --> 0:51:05.640 it for a long period of time. But it's a 0:51:05.719 --> 0:51:09.920 good transitional prescription, I think, or something that takes the 0:51:10.040 --> 0:51:12.520 edge off. Well, you don't want to take the edge 0:51:12.560 --> 0:51:14.600 off too much, right, because you want to be there, 0:51:15.160 --> 0:51:16.760 So you want to kind of be able to conquer 0:51:16.800 --> 0:51:20.640 your anxiety without relying on too much medication, right, And 0:51:20.760 --> 0:51:22.640 it's not something that you feel in the way like 0:51:22.840 --> 0:51:26.359 having a cocktail or like an edible or canvas where 0:51:26.400 --> 0:51:27.920 you can feel it take the edge off when you 0:51:28.040 --> 0:51:31.239 take it. I've taken one before. I gave my partner one. 0:51:31.320 --> 0:51:34.279 He took it before officiating my sister's wedding. So it 0:51:34.360 --> 0:51:36.480 really just kind of puts you in a state where 0:51:36.800 --> 0:51:38.920 you don't even realize there's been a change, but your 0:51:38.960 --> 0:51:41.040 heart rates slower. You just feel a little bit easier 0:51:41.080 --> 0:51:44.239 in the situation. And yeah, and then I think, what 0:51:44.480 --> 0:51:46.279 what I would say to you is to try that 0:51:46.600 --> 0:51:48.960 for a while, and then you can all of a 0:51:49.000 --> 0:51:51.520 sudden just start parsing it in half. It's just about 0:51:51.560 --> 0:51:56.080 training your brain not to have that anxiety inducement. So, like, 0:51:56.239 --> 0:51:59.320 how does your anxiety present when you are anxious and 0:51:59.360 --> 0:52:02.720 you go to like a social gathering. My heart feels 0:52:02.719 --> 0:52:04.480 like it's going to be out of my chest A 0:52:04.560 --> 0:52:06.759 lot of times if I even go. That's the part 0:52:06.880 --> 0:52:08.600 right there. I usually just don't even go. I try 0:52:08.640 --> 0:52:11.919 to think of any excuse really, like oh, my cat 0:52:12.200 --> 0:52:13.880 is sick. I just try to think of excuses if 0:52:13.880 --> 0:52:15.800 I could even go. But all the time, it's sweating, 0:52:16.280 --> 0:52:19.400 always cracking, dread of like oh man, what if I 0:52:19.480 --> 0:52:23.520 say something wrong or bad or embarrassing? Yeah yeah, yeah yeah. Okay, 0:52:23.560 --> 0:52:25.800 So this is definitely gonna help you. So you do 0:52:25.920 --> 0:52:27.279 have a g P right that you can talk to 0:52:27.360 --> 0:52:29.919 about this? I do? Okay, okay, great? And what other 0:52:30.160 --> 0:52:33.160 tools do you have in your arsenal to combat anxiety? 0:52:33.840 --> 0:52:36.400 I try to have a lot of hobbies that seems 0:52:36.440 --> 0:52:38.560 to kind of help because it helps with like fidgeting 0:52:38.640 --> 0:52:41.680 or something softly waiting in a waiting room. I'm just like, 0:52:41.800 --> 0:52:44.000 you know, I'll just go and fidget with something, or 0:52:44.200 --> 0:52:46.319 I'll do a puzzle, you know, just like little brain 0:52:46.400 --> 0:52:48.719 game type things that just keeps my mind busy. But 0:52:48.840 --> 0:52:51.560 really that's my main outlet. And do you meditate or 0:52:51.560 --> 0:52:54.520 anything like that? I do not. Well, then there you go. 0:52:54.840 --> 0:52:56.480 That's another thing you can do that's going to help 0:52:56.520 --> 0:52:59.200 you right away. If you start, like go onto headspace, 0:52:59.360 --> 0:53:01.319 or go on a call whoseever voice you like better, 0:53:01.880 --> 0:53:04.680 and or go onto like Deepak Chopra one of these apps. 0:53:04.760 --> 0:53:08.600 It sounds annoying, but it helps calm your brain down. 0:53:08.960 --> 0:53:14.000 So meditation as an elixir to anxiety works for sure. 0:53:14.360 --> 0:53:16.200 First of all, you should get into the practice of meditating, 0:53:16.200 --> 0:53:18.760 because no one's ever started meditating and then said that sucked, 0:53:19.120 --> 0:53:21.799 I'm worse. No one says that. So if you can 0:53:21.840 --> 0:53:24.320 get into the habit, just try five minutes, three minutes, 0:53:24.520 --> 0:53:27.240 little times every morning. Just get into the habit of meditation. 0:53:27.239 --> 0:53:29.120 It doesn't matter how long you do it for, and 0:53:29.280 --> 0:53:32.600 then use it because there are specific ones on all 0:53:32.640 --> 0:53:34.920 of these apps. If it's for anxiety, if it's for 0:53:35.080 --> 0:53:37.600 going into a social environment, if it's for and you 0:53:37.840 --> 0:53:40.359 use that just to calm your breath down before you're 0:53:40.520 --> 0:53:43.040 entering one of these things that makes you nervous, to 0:53:43.239 --> 0:53:45.920 literally just take the time of breathing in and breathing 0:53:45.920 --> 0:53:48.240 out for three to five minutes on one of these apps, 0:53:48.600 --> 0:53:51.879 and that will help you immensely. Meditation is just that's 0:53:51.920 --> 0:53:55.440 exactly what it's for, is people with anxiety. It sounds 0:53:55.480 --> 0:53:57.680 great too, because it's more natural. You don't have to 0:53:57.719 --> 0:54:00.879 worry about relying on anything other than just like your 0:54:00.920 --> 0:54:03.640 inner self. Really, so that would be probably the best 0:54:03.640 --> 0:54:05.640 starter for me right now. Too. That sounds great. Yeah, 0:54:05.680 --> 0:54:08.640 And do you sleep well? I actually do sleep well 0:54:08.719 --> 0:54:11.320 until there's like a big event coming up. Then I 0:54:11.440 --> 0:54:12.919 just think about all the things that will go wrong, 0:54:13.000 --> 0:54:14.920 and then I won't sleep well, you know how dreams 0:54:14.920 --> 0:54:18.239 about it, things like that. What do you do for work, Sarah? So, 0:54:18.480 --> 0:54:22.040 I am an environmental consultant or a biologist, which means 0:54:22.080 --> 0:54:24.719 I go in catch, you know, endangered species and move 0:54:24.800 --> 0:54:26.520 them out of places. So if you wanted to build 0:54:26.520 --> 0:54:28.799 like a Walgreens or something, I would be in there 0:54:29.160 --> 0:54:31.080 and I would go, say the tortoise that was there, 0:54:31.280 --> 0:54:33.800 or I would net the bets that were there. You 0:54:33.880 --> 0:54:36.200 have venomous snakes, I'll remove your venomous snakes. I do 0:54:36.360 --> 0:54:39.360 things like that. So the venomous snakes are on the 0:54:39.440 --> 0:54:42.080 site that they're going to build the walgreens, her mind 0:54:42.160 --> 0:54:45.400 is only going to the snakes. Snakes. We're in West Virginia, 0:54:45.719 --> 0:54:48.000 you know it could happen. So you basically go and 0:54:48.080 --> 0:54:50.120 remove whatever's block. I mean, you're not going into a 0:54:50.160 --> 0:54:53.960 Walgreens and getting the venomous snake right there. It's like 0:54:54.080 --> 0:54:57.399 pre it's all pre construction. Okay, okay, yeah, So there's 0:54:57.400 --> 0:55:00.279 any type of threatening endangered species, we go pre was 0:55:00.360 --> 0:55:03.280 and I'll like mark all the tortoise burrows, so hopefully 0:55:03.480 --> 0:55:05.520 no one will. I'll scope it and make sure there's 0:55:05.880 --> 0:55:07.840 nobody home. If there is, we try to move it 0:55:07.960 --> 0:55:10.800 somewhere so it won't be destroyed or fun ways that 0:55:10.960 --> 0:55:13.279 they can go around it. Okay, So you know what 0:55:13.400 --> 0:55:15.960 another good thing is, because you seem very confident when 0:55:15.960 --> 0:55:18.200 you're talking about your work. When you're in a situation, 0:55:18.280 --> 0:55:20.279 a social situation, you should choose the things that you 0:55:20.360 --> 0:55:23.319 have the most confidence and competency about when you're talking 0:55:23.360 --> 0:55:24.839 to people, and that way you're not going to say 0:55:24.840 --> 0:55:27.480 anything stupid. You're gonna be talking about your work, which 0:55:27.520 --> 0:55:30.320 is very interesting. How often do we meet a biologists? Brandon? 0:55:30.440 --> 0:55:34.279 Never you our first? Yeah, well no, that's that's really smart. 0:55:34.320 --> 0:55:36.960 I've never even thoughts thank you. People love animals, So 0:55:37.080 --> 0:55:38.840 you can leverage this one thing that you know so 0:55:38.960 --> 0:55:41.359 much about. Who wants to turn down a conversation about 0:55:41.400 --> 0:55:44.000 sucking animals? Really nobody. Someone's got a cat video they 0:55:44.040 --> 0:55:45.680 want to show you, and if they do, they're a 0:55:45.719 --> 0:55:48.000 fucking asshole. Anyway, you don't want to be in that conversation. 0:55:48.160 --> 0:55:50.279 But there is a certain level, like I saw that 0:55:50.360 --> 0:55:53.160 immediately as soon as you start talking about work, that 0:55:53.239 --> 0:55:56.840 your demeanor kind of changed, that your voice changed, And 0:55:57.280 --> 0:55:59.239 so I'm sure that you have that inside of you, 0:55:59.440 --> 0:56:03.200 that level of confidence with things outside of maybe your 0:56:03.640 --> 0:56:07.080 purview or your interests. But also so much of a 0:56:07.160 --> 0:56:09.959 conversation or an interaction with people is listening. Most people 0:56:10.000 --> 0:56:11.799 want to talk about themselves, so you can just let 0:56:11.840 --> 0:56:14.239 that conversation go. People won't shut the funk up, so 0:56:14.360 --> 0:56:16.000 you can just be there and listen, nod your head. 0:56:16.480 --> 0:56:19.239 It relieves the pressure from you. And one thing that 0:56:19.280 --> 0:56:21.600 I used to do because I had like group anxiety, 0:56:21.920 --> 0:56:24.759 is I would go and introduce myself to everybody, and 0:56:24.840 --> 0:56:26.640 it gave me like a sense of control where it 0:56:26.800 --> 0:56:28.319 was like you just made this space. It was like, oh, 0:56:28.360 --> 0:56:30.759 that's so uncomfortable. It was really uncomfortable. But when I 0:56:30.800 --> 0:56:33.080 would go to a party, I would kind of retreat 0:56:33.080 --> 0:56:35.040 and like not talk to anyone or like only talk 0:56:35.080 --> 0:56:36.440 to who I came with. And as soon as I 0:56:36.480 --> 0:56:40.080 started forcing myself to like introduce myself or compliment someone 0:56:40.160 --> 0:56:42.319 on what they were wearing to kind of break that ice, 0:56:42.480 --> 0:56:44.600 I felt like I had more control of myself in 0:56:44.680 --> 0:56:47.680 that scenario where being in that group setting didn't feel 0:56:47.719 --> 0:56:50.000 like I was so isolated and alone. It's like, oh, 0:56:50.000 --> 0:56:51.400 I already talked to half the people here. Now I 0:56:51.400 --> 0:56:53.759 don't feel a pressure. Yeah. I mean I always like 0:56:53.840 --> 0:56:56.480 to try to challenge myself anyway. So well, that's good. 0:56:56.840 --> 0:56:58.400 That's what you should do. You should go it and 0:56:58.719 --> 0:57:03.000 so that you're controlling the situation. The situation isn't controlling you. Yeah, 0:57:03.080 --> 0:57:05.359 that's solid advice. You're right. It's it's nice to hear 0:57:05.400 --> 0:57:07.239 from a different perspective and be like, oh, yeah, it 0:57:07.440 --> 0:57:10.360 makes perfect sense hearing it. Yeah, and don't sit in 0:57:10.440 --> 0:57:12.799 and hide away from people. Look how adorable you are. People. 0:57:12.800 --> 0:57:14.840 We need to know you and to meet you, and 0:57:14.960 --> 0:57:17.840 this is it, like, yeah, this is our life. Have fun, 0:57:17.960 --> 0:57:19.800 and you would be amazed how easy it is to 0:57:19.840 --> 0:57:21.880 get over the little things that kind of hold us 0:57:21.960 --> 0:57:24.080 back for so much. You know, if you just start 0:57:24.120 --> 0:57:26.920 giving yourself those regular challenges even more so than you 0:57:27.000 --> 0:57:29.960 already have been doing, I think you'll see results really quickly, 0:57:30.040 --> 0:57:31.880 and you'll start to notice that you feel more calm 0:57:31.960 --> 0:57:35.160 in this situation. And you have this meditation you can 0:57:35.280 --> 0:57:37.680 use that and if worst case scenario, like if you 0:57:37.720 --> 0:57:39.520 want to go to your doctor, and get a beta blocker. 0:57:39.760 --> 0:57:42.680 Try that out. Yeah, okay, I mean here's a good 0:57:42.760 --> 0:57:45.280 challenge anyway. I mean I'm talking to Brandon and Chelsea, 0:57:45.520 --> 0:57:48.400 so that's right, pretty good challenge for the day. I think, 0:57:48.720 --> 0:57:50.200 all right, well that's the three of us. Make the 0:57:50.280 --> 0:57:54.000 a team. You me, Brandon, keep us posted. Sarah. Thanks Sarah, 0:57:54.440 --> 0:57:57.480 thank you so much. You're welcome so much. Have fun 0:57:57.560 --> 0:58:00.360 in your next party. Oh yeah, maybe she's going right now, 0:58:00.560 --> 0:58:05.800 who knows. Bye, Sarah, Thank you. How do you feel 0:58:05.800 --> 0:58:08.680 about the advice given today? I feel like a lot 0:58:08.760 --> 0:58:12.120 of people are taking this very seriously, including us, and 0:58:12.280 --> 0:58:15.640 I think that's good. I didn't say taking ourselves very seriously. 0:58:15.680 --> 0:58:18.960 If you noticed as it taking this very seriously. So 0:58:19.280 --> 0:58:22.360 I mean you could take our leave our advice. Really, 0:58:22.440 --> 0:58:25.080 it doesn't really matter. What matters is that we're here 0:58:25.080 --> 0:58:27.760 and available to give it. I think she may leave 0:58:27.800 --> 0:58:30.880 the propanel, but for anyone, I just think people should 0:58:31.240 --> 0:58:34.240 leverage it. If it's not like oxy, it's you know, 0:58:34.320 --> 0:58:36.960 there are things that have been created to really help 0:58:37.200 --> 0:58:40.560 enhance the way you go through life, and panel is 0:58:40.600 --> 0:58:42.840 one of them. And we had we had to have 0:58:43.040 --> 0:58:45.080 a difficult conversation one time. Oh, This is right after 0:58:45.120 --> 0:58:47.880 I painted your deck black. For anyone who doesn't know, 0:58:48.160 --> 0:58:49.840 I don't know how you wouldn't because she talked about 0:58:49.880 --> 0:58:52.280 it everywhere. But I made a little whoopsie and we 0:58:52.360 --> 0:58:54.920 had to have a really tough conversation. Hey painted my 0:58:55.120 --> 0:58:58.240 entire deck black, shiny black, so the dogs couldn't even 0:58:58.240 --> 0:59:00.640 walk on it because their paws would burn. Yeah, it 0:59:00.720 --> 0:59:05.240 was shiny like a nineties porn set. Yeah, it was 0:59:05.320 --> 0:59:07.640 just not the color that A. It's too hot to 0:59:07.680 --> 0:59:10.600 step on, so that's not going to work. B. It 0:59:10.840 --> 0:59:14.040 was really hard to look at compared to the rest 0:59:14.080 --> 0:59:17.600 of my house, which was brown. Well I'm beautiful, but anyway, 0:59:17.680 --> 0:59:18.840 So the point of that was we had to have 0:59:19.040 --> 0:59:20.480 a tough conversation, and I knew we were going to 0:59:20.560 --> 0:59:21.760 have to have it, and I knew there were both 0:59:21.840 --> 0:59:24.440 things that we wanted to say, and I took a 0:59:24.520 --> 0:59:28.400 propanal right before that, and we got through that conversation 0:59:28.480 --> 0:59:30.840 because it wasn't emotive, it was just facts from both 0:59:30.880 --> 0:59:34.520 of our sides. And that was one of those times 0:59:34.560 --> 0:59:36.560 I was like, see, this is exactly why something like 0:59:36.640 --> 0:59:39.200 this exists, because you just need to get through it, right, 0:59:39.720 --> 0:59:43.560 have a great weekend. I guess yeah, we're gonna road. 0:59:43.680 --> 0:59:46.320 I think so. I think it's time. If you want 0:59:46.480 --> 0:59:51.880 any assistance with your partner, your best friend, really, anything, 0:59:52.120 --> 0:59:54.720 you can write into Dear Chelsea Project at gmail dot 0:59:54.760 --> 0:59:57.720 com Dear Chelsea Project at gmail dot com