1
00:00:00,800 --> 00:00:03,000
Speaker 1: So what's going on. You've been back now for weeks.

2
00:00:03,040 --> 00:00:06,360
Speaker 1: I feel like I've not heard a thing about what happened.

3
00:00:06,519 --> 00:00:08,680
Speaker 1: What did we talk about? We talked about the guy

4
00:00:08,680 --> 00:00:10,800
Speaker 1: that sent me the dildo, right, Yes, we did talk

5
00:00:10,840 --> 00:00:13,840
Speaker 1: about him. Okay, so on the podcast. I think we've

6
00:00:13,880 --> 00:00:17,560
Speaker 1: talked about it everywhere basically. Okay, Well, anyway, so that

7
00:00:17,680 --> 00:00:20,280
Speaker 1: was happening. I went to Whistler then something. I had

8
00:00:20,280 --> 00:00:22,360
Speaker 1: some action and Whistler, you know what, just just to

9
00:00:22,560 --> 00:00:24,800
Speaker 1: let me do a quickly recapudated this guy. He met

10
00:00:24,840 --> 00:00:28,040
Speaker 1: him on Riya Riya. Right. He seemed like a great guy,

11
00:00:28,080 --> 00:00:29,800
Speaker 1: like a couple of your friends met him. I met him.

12
00:00:29,800 --> 00:00:32,720
Speaker 1: He seemed really cool. You leave for a few months,

13
00:00:32,720 --> 00:00:35,599
Speaker 1: you go to Whistler. He sends you a dildo. It's

14
00:00:35,680 --> 00:00:38,280
Speaker 1: like this gift he was setting. He was trying to

15
00:00:38,280 --> 00:00:39,839
Speaker 1: be funny. I didn't think that was funny at all.

16
00:00:40,200 --> 00:00:42,880
Speaker 1: It picked me out and I couldn't talk to him

17
00:00:42,960 --> 00:00:45,440
Speaker 1: again after he sent that dildo. I just thought, what

18
00:00:46,040 --> 00:00:48,839
Speaker 1: is this anyway? So I threw the dildo right in

19
00:00:48,880 --> 00:00:51,720
Speaker 1: the trash, and then I hooked up with someone in

20
00:00:51,760 --> 00:00:54,680
Speaker 1: Whistler thanks to a friend of mine. I had a

21
00:00:54,760 --> 00:00:58,880
Speaker 1: little penetration there three times, so that was good. But yeah,

22
00:00:58,880 --> 00:01:03,160
Speaker 1: since I've been back, it's been kind of dry. Yeah yeah,

23
00:01:03,200 --> 00:01:07,000
Speaker 1: well let's say use the adjective dry and that's pretty gross. Yes,

24
00:01:07,160 --> 00:01:08,920
Speaker 1: but I am back on Riya, so I'll just have

25
00:01:09,000 --> 00:01:11,840
Speaker 1: to make some connections. Like basically what happens on Ryan

26
00:01:12,000 --> 00:01:14,280
Speaker 1: is they've opened their dating pool. You can tell by

27
00:01:14,280 --> 00:01:18,280
Speaker 1: the selection. Hey, b I like Ryan because it yields

28
00:01:18,400 --> 00:01:21,800
Speaker 1: very nice results. Like this isn't an ad for Riah,

29
00:01:21,920 --> 00:01:24,000
Speaker 1: but it could be, Well, it could be, but it's not.

30
00:01:24,319 --> 00:01:28,479
Speaker 1: But I I've definitely gotten a lot of like for

31
00:01:28,520 --> 00:01:31,160
Speaker 1: every time I've used Raya, whether it's New York, London

32
00:01:31,240 --> 00:01:33,880
Speaker 1: or l A not usually l A, only this last

33
00:01:33,920 --> 00:01:37,040
Speaker 1: time COVID because I was so desperate. Right, it's yielded

34
00:01:37,120 --> 00:01:39,080
Speaker 1: very good results. Then that I'm like, oh I can

35
00:01:39,120 --> 00:01:40,840
Speaker 1: have sex with this guy, not man. That I'm like

36
00:01:41,760 --> 00:01:46,400
Speaker 1: god like quality in terms of characteristics, like legitimate, like

37
00:01:46,600 --> 00:01:49,680
Speaker 1: decent people. You're not dealing with any weirdos. I've had

38
00:01:49,720 --> 00:01:51,720
Speaker 1: a couple. So it's like the Lift of dating apps,

39
00:01:51,760 --> 00:01:55,000
Speaker 1: like Uber's kind of for everybody. Lift seems to curate

40
00:01:55,040 --> 00:01:58,440
Speaker 1: a little bit. Yes, okay, so maybe lift. Yeah, and

41
00:01:58,480 --> 00:02:01,120
Speaker 1: I interviewed a lot of candidates during COVID. I would

42
00:02:01,120 --> 00:02:02,960
Speaker 1: come over, you know, when I had those COVID tests, right,

43
00:02:03,000 --> 00:02:05,320
Speaker 1: I would just tell them like I would have them

44
00:02:05,360 --> 00:02:07,720
Speaker 1: come sit down outside. I'd be like, hey, I need

45
00:02:07,760 --> 00:02:10,520
Speaker 1: you to take a COVID test. I did administer the test,

46
00:02:10,960 --> 00:02:12,800
Speaker 1: and then they'd sit like ten feet away from me

47
00:02:12,800 --> 00:02:14,960
Speaker 1: and we talked. And the test took like twenty minutes.

48
00:02:15,440 --> 00:02:17,840
Speaker 1: And there's an actual piece of medical equipment. Yeah, it's

49
00:02:17,840 --> 00:02:20,280
Speaker 1: called It was called q Health and we bought it

50
00:02:20,360 --> 00:02:22,880
Speaker 1: so that I could test people and then I if

51
00:02:22,919 --> 00:02:24,680
Speaker 1: I didn't like them by the end of the thirty minutes,

52
00:02:24,720 --> 00:02:29,520
Speaker 1: I would just tell the person you're positive and to sctattle,

53
00:02:29,560 --> 00:02:31,160
Speaker 1: and then they would have to leave the house thinking

54
00:02:31,160 --> 00:02:33,359
Speaker 1: that they had COVID, and I would assume, like a

55
00:02:33,400 --> 00:02:34,960
Speaker 1: couple of people at taxed on me, I'm just kidding,

56
00:02:34,960 --> 00:02:36,239
Speaker 1: you don't have COVID. But I don't want to text.

57
00:02:36,280 --> 00:02:38,240
Speaker 1: I don't need to see you again. One guy, though,

58
00:02:38,760 --> 00:02:42,160
Speaker 1: came over to the house and we were having fun talking.

59
00:02:42,440 --> 00:02:45,760
Speaker 1: He was his COVID test was being you know process,

60
00:02:46,560 --> 00:02:49,400
Speaker 1: and I said, so, what's been your COVID like protocol,

61
00:02:49,560 --> 00:02:54,000
Speaker 1: like just to see what. I was like, Oh, I

62
00:02:54,000 --> 00:02:56,560
Speaker 1: could fuck this guy, like, I'm definitely into it, you know,

63
00:02:56,800 --> 00:02:59,560
Speaker 1: this is for sure, and he was kind of you know,

64
00:02:59,560 --> 00:03:02,760
Speaker 1: it was cute, and then he said, well, I'm you know,

65
00:03:02,840 --> 00:03:04,600
Speaker 1: wear a mask everywhere I go. I don't know why

66
00:03:04,600 --> 00:03:06,560
Speaker 1: I'm talk in this dumb voice when I'm imitating man.

67
00:03:06,600 --> 00:03:09,000
Speaker 1: But he's like, I wear a mask everywhere I go,

68
00:03:09,040 --> 00:03:12,200
Speaker 1: but I don't think they work, and I just that's

69
00:03:12,200 --> 00:03:14,800
Speaker 1: a boner killer. Well that was the biggest boner killer.

70
00:03:14,840 --> 00:03:16,480
Speaker 1: I just looked at him and thought, why would you say?

71
00:03:16,560 --> 00:03:18,240
Speaker 1: Why did you just say that? Like, I was just

72
00:03:18,680 --> 00:03:21,120
Speaker 1: going to fuck you. I was just going to wait

73
00:03:21,160 --> 00:03:24,040
Speaker 1: for your COVID test to be returned negative and then

74
00:03:24,160 --> 00:03:27,440
Speaker 1: I was going to allow penetration, and you blew it

75
00:03:27,560 --> 00:03:31,600
Speaker 1: by saying something like I don't think masks work. What

76
00:03:31,840 --> 00:03:35,480
Speaker 1: is the point of saying uttering a sentence that is

77
00:03:35,560 --> 00:03:38,600
Speaker 1: so stupid? Because men are stupid? Why don't you take

78
00:03:38,640 --> 00:03:40,640
Speaker 1: my vagina off of me and walk away with it?

79
00:03:40,680 --> 00:03:42,520
Speaker 1: I know, not even under the guise of a date,

80
00:03:42,560 --> 00:03:45,000
Speaker 1: Like everyone knew what was going to happen in the scenario,

81
00:03:45,160 --> 00:03:49,320
Speaker 1: But why would you because men are done? I don't

82
00:03:49,400 --> 00:03:52,280
Speaker 1: think masks were Are you a fucking doctor? Are you

83
00:03:52,320 --> 00:03:56,880
Speaker 1: a medical examiner? Are you? I mean, honestly, who are

84
00:03:56,960 --> 00:03:59,560
Speaker 1: you to tell me that you don't think masks work?

85
00:04:00,040 --> 00:04:03,480
Speaker 1: They just always want their opinion heard. She should have

86
00:04:03,520 --> 00:04:05,000
Speaker 1: just kept his mouth shut, and then he'd be in

87
00:04:05,000 --> 00:04:08,240
Speaker 1: a much different Situationally, we probably we could probably still

88
00:04:08,280 --> 00:04:10,480
Speaker 1: be together. How do you not utter that stupid phrase?

89
00:04:10,640 --> 00:04:12,920
Speaker 1: Sent you a dildo? There's a cute one I was.

90
00:04:13,040 --> 00:04:15,920
Speaker 1: I was talking to and he was cute. He looked promising.

91
00:04:15,920 --> 00:04:19,000
Speaker 1: Although he's in New York. Fuck, I know, but I'll

92
00:04:19,000 --> 00:04:20,960
Speaker 1: go to New York at some point for something. I know.

93
00:04:21,000 --> 00:04:23,280
Speaker 1: I just love sweetheart. Ever lets me out of his sight?

94
00:04:23,720 --> 00:04:26,039
Speaker 1: Not likely, But I do love when you have a

95
00:04:26,080 --> 00:04:28,159
Speaker 1: man in your life who you're having sex with regularly.

96
00:04:28,400 --> 00:04:30,200
Speaker 1: When we were this is a cute story actually when

97
00:04:30,200 --> 00:04:32,000
Speaker 1: we were when I was in Whistler, I talked to

98
00:04:32,040 --> 00:04:33,880
Speaker 1: you on the phone one morning about something and I

99
00:04:33,920 --> 00:04:35,520
Speaker 1: was like, oh, by the way, I had sex last night,

100
00:04:35,560 --> 00:04:38,599
Speaker 1: And he was like, I mean, the shrill in your voice,

101
00:04:38,880 --> 00:04:41,919
Speaker 1: it was like having just the happiness that you felt

102
00:04:41,920 --> 00:04:44,440
Speaker 1: for me was just so sweet, and I thought, wow,

103
00:04:44,600 --> 00:04:48,719
Speaker 1: what a sweetheart you were. Like, sweetheart got penetration. I

104
00:04:48,800 --> 00:04:51,040
Speaker 1: just love I think because I know you have a

105
00:04:51,120 --> 00:04:54,080
Speaker 1: high standard and so when you let that happen, it's

106
00:04:54,120 --> 00:04:56,840
Speaker 1: like great on all fronts. It's like, oh, she got

107
00:04:56,880 --> 00:04:59,160
Speaker 1: what she needed. She found someone who's probably cool. Like

108
00:04:59,200 --> 00:05:02,560
Speaker 1: if you're gonna suck, they're not a dud hopefully. Um

109
00:05:02,680 --> 00:05:04,440
Speaker 1: So it just seems like this is, you know, a

110
00:05:04,440 --> 00:05:06,080
Speaker 1: great track for you to be on when you're getting

111
00:05:06,120 --> 00:05:08,400
Speaker 1: regular penetration. I know, I know, tell me about it.

112
00:05:08,400 --> 00:05:10,800
Speaker 1: I would like regular penetration because the whole thing about

113
00:05:10,839 --> 00:05:13,320
Speaker 1: the sex thing is it's just so nice. It's not

114
00:05:13,360 --> 00:05:15,000
Speaker 1: even I've said this to you before, but it's not

115
00:05:15,040 --> 00:05:17,880
Speaker 1: even just like the act of sex. It's the whole

116
00:05:17,880 --> 00:05:20,480
Speaker 1: thing that goes with the act of sex. It's the flirtation,

117
00:05:20,680 --> 00:05:24,000
Speaker 1: and it's the hand holding and the like body touching

118
00:05:24,040 --> 00:05:26,720
Speaker 1: and like caressing and all that stuff that is really

119
00:05:26,839 --> 00:05:29,680
Speaker 1: nice to have between two people. So it's a good

120
00:05:29,680 --> 00:05:32,200
Speaker 1: reminder of like all that fun stuff because it's really

121
00:05:32,240 --> 00:05:35,080
Speaker 1: just not the sex alone, although that's a requirement. Well,

122
00:05:35,080 --> 00:05:37,080
Speaker 1: and you had a great dynamic with a buildo guy

123
00:05:37,160 --> 00:05:40,120
Speaker 1: because he knew that when it was a wrap on

124
00:05:40,160 --> 00:05:42,200
Speaker 1: the sex that he needed to skit out of like, okay,

125
00:05:42,200 --> 00:05:44,120
Speaker 1: it's time for Yeah, that was another. But he was

126
00:05:44,160 --> 00:05:46,040
Speaker 1: good because he knew that. He's like, I don't want

127
00:05:46,040 --> 00:05:48,559
Speaker 1: to overstay my welcome. He wasn't trying to sleep over. Well,

128
00:05:48,680 --> 00:05:51,520
Speaker 1: I explained him right away that there wouldn't be sleepovers

129
00:05:51,800 --> 00:05:54,280
Speaker 1: unless I wanted to sleep at his house or something

130
00:05:54,320 --> 00:05:56,680
Speaker 1: like that. But he heard it and he accepted it. Yeah,

131
00:05:56,720 --> 00:05:59,160
Speaker 1: and he didn't. Yes, that was really nice. And then

132
00:05:59,200 --> 00:06:01,400
Speaker 1: there was this same Bildo guy. He had come over

133
00:06:01,440 --> 00:06:04,239
Speaker 1: for basically a dinner, a dinner interview with your friends,

134
00:06:04,320 --> 00:06:07,280
Speaker 1: myself and Sophie, and there was it was so nice

135
00:06:07,320 --> 00:06:08,760
Speaker 1: to see you in that element because you guys were

136
00:06:08,760 --> 00:06:12,040
Speaker 1: sitting closely. He was rubbing your leg. It was just

137
00:06:12,240 --> 00:06:13,919
Speaker 1: it was a side of you that I hadn't seen

138
00:06:14,000 --> 00:06:16,240
Speaker 1: because since we've been together, you've never had anyone else.

139
00:06:16,680 --> 00:06:19,000
Speaker 1: Why would you need to Well, it's like, why would

140
00:06:19,040 --> 00:06:22,240
Speaker 1: I need to ever meet any man except for you? Now?

141
00:06:22,279 --> 00:06:23,599
Speaker 1: This is I love when we can talk through this

142
00:06:23,640 --> 00:06:25,320
Speaker 1: because now it's starting to make sense. The reason I

143
00:06:25,360 --> 00:06:26,960
Speaker 1: love that so much for you is because I know

144
00:06:27,000 --> 00:06:29,279
Speaker 1: there are certain things I can't give you, like the crossing,

145
00:06:29,279 --> 00:06:31,360
Speaker 1: like I'll rub your feet, like after we ski if

146
00:06:31,360 --> 00:06:34,280
Speaker 1: like you need a foot rub, but like this feet

147
00:06:34,279 --> 00:06:38,240
Speaker 1: after foot after we ski Ben Bruno, we went on

148
00:06:38,240 --> 00:06:41,200
Speaker 1: a ski trip once. This was our first sweetheart ski

149
00:06:41,240 --> 00:06:44,960
Speaker 1: gedway and it was me, Chelsea and her trainer, Ben Bruno,

150
00:06:45,600 --> 00:06:48,400
Speaker 1: and it was the beginning of the trip. Yeah, we

151
00:06:48,440 --> 00:06:51,600
Speaker 1: had all touched down together, three of us, but other

152
00:06:51,640 --> 00:06:56,880
Speaker 1: people were coming. We're not there yet, and I don't

153
00:06:56,920 --> 00:07:00,159
Speaker 1: know that you could create a more awkward such ation

154
00:07:00,240 --> 00:07:04,640
Speaker 1: or dynamic between three people. And in particular, there was

155
00:07:04,720 --> 00:07:07,400
Speaker 1: one night where we're all Chelsea night. You know, we're

156
00:07:07,480 --> 00:07:09,400
Speaker 1: just in tune. We know exactly what each other want

157
00:07:09,480 --> 00:07:11,280
Speaker 1: when we want it, and we both knew we just

158
00:07:11,320 --> 00:07:13,120
Speaker 1: wanted to relax. We had skied. We wanted to watch

159
00:07:13,120 --> 00:07:16,720
Speaker 1: a movie, watch a movie, relaxed, order food. Ben Buruna

160
00:07:16,760 --> 00:07:20,920
Speaker 1: wanted to get in the hot tub. And anyone who's

161
00:07:20,960 --> 00:07:23,880
Speaker 1: anyone with a brain knows you're not getting in a

162
00:07:23,920 --> 00:07:29,880
Speaker 1: hot tub. Well with Ben Burn, well, I'm not getting

163
00:07:29,880 --> 00:07:32,040
Speaker 1: in a hot tub at all periods, Like I'm not

164
00:07:32,080 --> 00:07:34,160
Speaker 1: into hot tubs. I don't like heat as much as

165
00:07:34,200 --> 00:07:38,080
Speaker 1: I prefer other things. So that's already a thing. But yes,

166
00:07:38,320 --> 00:07:40,200
Speaker 1: so he comes downstairs and he's like, hey, do you

167
00:07:40,240 --> 00:07:41,760
Speaker 1: guys want to go in the hot tub? And we

168
00:07:41,760 --> 00:07:44,560
Speaker 1: were watching something interesting. Yeah, we and we like we

169
00:07:44,560 --> 00:07:46,640
Speaker 1: were into it already, like it had been a little

170
00:07:46,640 --> 00:07:48,400
Speaker 1: bit we had been home, like settled in when we

171
00:07:48,400 --> 00:07:51,640
Speaker 1: were so fucked up, like we were really stoned. And

172
00:07:51,720 --> 00:07:53,600
Speaker 1: he comes down. I can't ref your shirtless or but

173
00:07:53,680 --> 00:07:56,480
Speaker 1: he was definitely in short and it was like it

174
00:07:56,560 --> 00:07:58,240
Speaker 1: was like a little kid. He's like, Okay, I'm going

175
00:07:58,280 --> 00:07:59,560
Speaker 1: to get a hot tub. Let's get in the hot tub.

176
00:07:59,640 --> 00:08:01,920
Speaker 1: And we both look at each other like are you

177
00:08:01,960 --> 00:08:04,600
Speaker 1: gonna go? I'm not going, like I'll sacrifice you, but

178
00:08:04,640 --> 00:08:06,960
Speaker 1: I'm not going. We both weren't going in the hot tub.

179
00:08:07,040 --> 00:08:08,400
Speaker 1: We both were like no, Ben, no one's going in

180
00:08:08,400 --> 00:08:10,560
Speaker 1: the hot tub. Have fun. And then he came out

181
00:08:10,600 --> 00:08:12,520
Speaker 1: again and was like who you guys want to get

182
00:08:12,600 --> 00:08:14,600
Speaker 1: in the hot tube? And I was like no, we

183
00:08:14,600 --> 00:08:16,920
Speaker 1: said we're not getting like still, no, we're not getting

184
00:08:16,960 --> 00:08:19,960
Speaker 1: in the hot tub. I can't hember what the segue

185
00:08:20,040 --> 00:08:26,160
Speaker 1: was to this, but there was some foot rubbing situation. Oh.

186
00:08:26,200 --> 00:08:28,840
Speaker 1: We asked if I wanted a foot rub and I

187
00:08:28,880 --> 00:08:30,480
Speaker 1: was like no, And then you asked and I was

188
00:08:30,520 --> 00:08:35,599
Speaker 1: like sure, why because I'm not a threat. Yeah, I

189
00:08:35,600 --> 00:08:37,480
Speaker 1: don't think he's gonna hit on me. Ben would probably

190
00:08:37,600 --> 00:08:39,480
Speaker 1: argue though, that he wasn't hitting on me, it was

191
00:08:39,559 --> 00:08:41,360
Speaker 1: just being nice, but it felt like he was. There

192
00:08:41,400 --> 00:08:44,120
Speaker 1: was no expectation for sex after that foot rub between

193
00:08:44,520 --> 00:08:47,360
Speaker 1: you and me. With a straight man, there's still some

194
00:08:47,440 --> 00:08:50,720
Speaker 1: sort of underlying like what could I turn the shot

195
00:08:50,800 --> 00:08:54,200
Speaker 1: rub into? And there's nothing. Also more life advice. There's

196
00:08:54,240 --> 00:08:55,920
Speaker 1: nothing fucking worse than when you really just want a

197
00:08:55,960 --> 00:08:58,000
Speaker 1: BackRub and all your partner wants to do is fuck.

198
00:08:58,640 --> 00:09:00,640
Speaker 1: It's like sometimes it's just a back like sometimes I'm

199
00:09:00,679 --> 00:09:02,280
Speaker 1: giving you one I don't like, I don't want more.

200
00:09:03,000 --> 00:09:05,480
Speaker 1: There there needs to be some sort of expectations set

201
00:09:05,480 --> 00:09:08,520
Speaker 1: with these things. I agree with that. Yeah, you can't

202
00:09:08,600 --> 00:09:10,880
Speaker 1: just give somebody a background and then also ask for

203
00:09:10,920 --> 00:09:14,160
Speaker 1: one in return, Like I don't love that. No, it's

204
00:09:14,160 --> 00:09:16,040
Speaker 1: like if I have to give you a foot My

205
00:09:16,040 --> 00:09:17,880
Speaker 1: sister always does that. She's like, will you do me?

206
00:09:17,920 --> 00:09:20,040
Speaker 1: And I'm like, I'll do you first so that you're

207
00:09:20,080 --> 00:09:23,280
Speaker 1: doing me last. Plus my sister's massages or tickles or

208
00:09:23,320 --> 00:09:26,760
Speaker 1: whatever she calls them suck, So it's like, first of all, no,

209
00:09:27,040 --> 00:09:28,839
Speaker 1: you don't even deserve one in return for what you're

210
00:09:28,840 --> 00:09:30,400
Speaker 1: going to do to me, because I've been through these

211
00:09:30,400 --> 00:09:33,240
Speaker 1: massages before and it's basically like a leaf is blowing

212
00:09:33,280 --> 00:09:36,640
Speaker 1: past you, you know, or yeah, it's not even a curus.

213
00:09:37,000 --> 00:09:39,480
Speaker 1: Nobody wants to give a massage after they've just gotten one,

214
00:09:39,559 --> 00:09:44,199
Speaker 1: like tomorrow, I'll give you one today, you give me one, right,

215
00:09:45,000 --> 00:09:47,199
Speaker 1: and can happen. But a lot of people do like

216
00:09:47,240 --> 00:09:49,839
Speaker 1: to exchange services like that. I just am not. I'm

217
00:09:49,840 --> 00:09:51,800
Speaker 1: not one of those people. I'd rather pay for a

218
00:09:51,840 --> 00:09:54,760
Speaker 1: massage me too, and then yeah, and then I don't

219
00:09:54,800 --> 00:09:57,040
Speaker 1: have to do anything in return. Do you remember that

220
00:09:57,080 --> 00:09:59,400
Speaker 1: massage therapist again on a sketch of that massage therapist,

221
00:09:59,400 --> 00:10:01,600
Speaker 1: that guy that you have that came in and it

222
00:10:01,679 --> 00:10:03,640
Speaker 1: was like he had never done massages before. Everything about

223
00:10:03,679 --> 00:10:04,880
Speaker 1: it was very strange. Did you come out of the

224
00:10:04,960 --> 00:10:07,080
Speaker 1: room and you're just like, we got we either have

225
00:10:07,160 --> 00:10:09,800
Speaker 1: to move from this location or we have to get

226
00:10:09,880 --> 00:10:14,600
Speaker 1: him out over the balcony like so high this guy. Yeah,

227
00:10:14,679 --> 00:10:16,440
Speaker 1: we were in Park City and he came and he

228
00:10:16,520 --> 00:10:19,720
Speaker 1: was already really shady looking like he looked like like

229
00:10:19,800 --> 00:10:25,400
Speaker 1: he had really long hand, very skinny, like very skinny, right,

230
00:10:25,720 --> 00:10:28,000
Speaker 1: like a hippie that you wouldn't want to hang out with. Yeah,

231
00:10:28,040 --> 00:10:30,560
Speaker 1: and he just looked stoned or like he could have

232
00:10:30,559 --> 00:10:33,679
Speaker 1: been on something. We'll assume it was weed, right, And

233
00:10:33,720 --> 00:10:35,280
Speaker 1: so when he came in and he was doing all

234
00:10:35,320 --> 00:10:37,120
Speaker 1: this like, I was on the table and he was

235
00:10:37,160 --> 00:10:39,840
Speaker 1: literally like I could feel like the rush of air

236
00:10:40,120 --> 00:10:42,559
Speaker 1: swiped by my body from his hands, but it was

237
00:10:42,600 --> 00:10:45,600
Speaker 1: almost like he was doing like a seance over my

238
00:10:45,679 --> 00:10:47,920
Speaker 1: body with his hands. And I was like, sir, this

239
00:10:47,960 --> 00:10:53,400
Speaker 1: isn't a massage. Are you gonna touch my actual body?

240
00:10:54,040 --> 00:10:56,199
Speaker 1: And he was like, ohh yeah, yeah, yeah, I'm just

241
00:10:56,240 --> 00:10:58,240
Speaker 1: getting started. And I'm like, is this a joke? Like

242
00:10:58,360 --> 00:11:00,720
Speaker 1: is this a Because I was on that show Girls

243
00:11:00,720 --> 00:11:02,760
Speaker 1: Behaving Badly, that hidden camera show where I did that

244
00:11:02,840 --> 00:11:04,880
Speaker 1: once where I played a missus who never actually touched

245
00:11:04,880 --> 00:11:07,400
Speaker 1: the person, and so I thought that, I thought, is

246
00:11:07,400 --> 00:11:09,520
Speaker 1: this a joke? And then I thought what is going

247
00:11:09,600 --> 00:11:11,640
Speaker 1: on here? But then of course I was a little stone,

248
00:11:11,640 --> 00:11:14,960
Speaker 1: so I thought maybe you know, I'm just high, And

249
00:11:15,000 --> 00:11:18,000
Speaker 1: then of course, you know, every woman's worst mistake is

250
00:11:18,000 --> 00:11:21,280
Speaker 1: assuming it's their fault. Anyway, I got up from the

251
00:11:21,280 --> 00:11:23,439
Speaker 1: table and then I sent Sophie and and she got

252
00:11:23,480 --> 00:11:25,079
Speaker 1: up from the table and was like, what the funk

253
00:11:25,200 --> 00:11:27,840
Speaker 1: was that? And I was like, I told you, I

254
00:11:27,880 --> 00:11:29,880
Speaker 1: didn't think that was a missuit. She's like, you didn't

255
00:11:29,880 --> 00:11:32,880
Speaker 1: tell me. I'm like, oh, well, I told Brandon. That's

256
00:11:32,880 --> 00:11:35,360
Speaker 1: one of those experiences that you never because you can't

257
00:11:35,360 --> 00:11:37,160
Speaker 1: put it into words. Even if it's bad, you have

258
00:11:37,200 --> 00:11:39,680
Speaker 1: to have someone else experience it to reaffirm what you

259
00:11:39,720 --> 00:11:42,120
Speaker 1: went through. Well, at the point, like once an hour

260
00:11:42,280 --> 00:11:43,960
Speaker 1: was finally over because he was like, do you want

261
00:11:44,040 --> 00:11:46,280
Speaker 1: ninety minutes, I'm like, no, actually, I want forty five.

262
00:11:46,360 --> 00:11:49,200
Speaker 1: Now now that you've started to get back the last hour,

263
00:11:49,960 --> 00:11:52,720
Speaker 1: then I for the last like twenty minutes. I couldn't

264
00:11:53,320 --> 00:11:55,880
Speaker 1: stop thinking about how funny it would be for Sophie

265
00:11:55,880 --> 00:11:58,560
Speaker 1: to be getting this massage, and how excited I was

266
00:11:58,640 --> 00:12:01,840
Speaker 1: for her to be in the same situation I was in.

267
00:12:02,080 --> 00:12:03,600
Speaker 1: So by that point I was like, oh no, she's

268
00:12:03,600 --> 00:12:06,800
Speaker 1: gonna get it. Well, two very different personality types too,

269
00:12:07,679 --> 00:12:09,920
Speaker 1: that we both stayed there and allowed it to happen.

270
00:12:10,040 --> 00:12:12,839
Speaker 1: So the common thread is that women allow stupid ship

271
00:12:12,880 --> 00:12:14,880
Speaker 1: to go on for some reason. I bet a man

272
00:12:14,920 --> 00:12:16,600
Speaker 1: wouldn't have done that. A man would have said, what

273
00:12:16,640 --> 00:12:18,600
Speaker 1: the funk is this and gotten up and walked up?

274
00:12:19,040 --> 00:12:20,760
Speaker 1: Have you ever gotten up? No? I feel too bad

275
00:12:20,800 --> 00:12:24,240
Speaker 1: for the masseuses exactly. I I have. I had problems

276
00:12:24,320 --> 00:12:27,400
Speaker 1: asking for extra strength, like for a few years because

277
00:12:27,400 --> 00:12:29,240
Speaker 1: I didn't want to offend the masseuse, And now I

278
00:12:29,280 --> 00:12:31,040
Speaker 1: know how to stand up for myself in a nice,

279
00:12:31,040 --> 00:12:33,360
Speaker 1: normal way. Do you ever feel like when you ask

280
00:12:33,480 --> 00:12:36,520
Speaker 1: for added pressure that they add so much to try

281
00:12:36,520 --> 00:12:39,480
Speaker 1: and prove a point. Yeah, that fucking annoys me. I

282
00:12:39,480 --> 00:12:41,960
Speaker 1: think that's just a voice in your head. I don't

283
00:12:41,960 --> 00:12:45,080
Speaker 1: think that they're doing that for purpose. Now. I think

284
00:12:45,120 --> 00:12:47,360
Speaker 1: that's what we just think because we're paranoid about saying

285
00:12:47,360 --> 00:12:49,600
Speaker 1: anything in the first place, and then when they up it,

286
00:12:49,640 --> 00:12:51,720
Speaker 1: we're like, uck. Yeah, I have a harder time asking

287
00:12:51,760 --> 00:12:56,120
Speaker 1: for an adjustment. I've gotten up times. I'm just like,

288
00:12:56,360 --> 00:12:59,920
Speaker 1: I'm just not comfortable in the middle of a happy ending. Yeah,

289
00:13:00,320 --> 00:13:02,960
Speaker 1: I don't care. There's nothing worse than wanting to relax.

290
00:13:04,280 --> 00:13:07,840
Speaker 1: Have you got have you intensely? Have you ever gotten

291
00:13:07,880 --> 00:13:10,480
Speaker 1: a happy ending during I know it does actually happen.

292
00:13:10,520 --> 00:13:12,480
Speaker 1: I don't know. I think they're signals or there's something

293
00:13:12,520 --> 00:13:14,719
Speaker 1: you have to do. You have to give them some

294
00:13:14,760 --> 00:13:17,960
Speaker 1: sort of guidance or insight to what about opening your

295
00:13:18,040 --> 00:13:21,760
Speaker 1: legs and pointing at your vagina is? I think I

296
00:13:22,200 --> 00:13:24,880
Speaker 1: once had a friend who told me I worked with her.

297
00:13:25,160 --> 00:13:28,160
Speaker 1: She told me that she was at one of those

298
00:13:28,160 --> 00:13:30,319
Speaker 1: resorts in Santa Barbara and that the missus would go

299
00:13:30,360 --> 00:13:32,839
Speaker 1: down on her all the time. And I was like,

300
00:13:33,200 --> 00:13:35,640
Speaker 1: I remember our whole group was working. Was when we

301
00:13:35,640 --> 00:13:37,520
Speaker 1: were on Chelsea lately and we were all sitting around

302
00:13:37,520 --> 00:13:40,160
Speaker 1: a table, going, are you fucking kidding me? I'm like, hey,

303
00:13:40,200 --> 00:13:42,599
Speaker 1: if guys are going down on women and during massages, like,

304
00:13:42,679 --> 00:13:44,720
Speaker 1: why isn't that not happened to me? Because I would

305
00:13:44,720 --> 00:13:48,280
Speaker 1: be open to that happening, would you. Yes, some misseus

306
00:13:48,400 --> 00:13:51,319
Speaker 1: just finishing me off before I get of course, I'm

307
00:13:51,360 --> 00:13:53,240
Speaker 1: open to that. I think that that's part of the

308
00:13:53,280 --> 00:13:56,520
Speaker 1: issue though, is I've never had anyone massage me where

309
00:13:56,520 --> 00:13:58,599
Speaker 1: I would want them to finish any I don't put that.

310
00:13:58,640 --> 00:14:00,800
Speaker 1: I don't want them to do anything like there's no kissing.

311
00:14:00,920 --> 00:14:04,120
Speaker 1: There's just we're not holding hands, we're not even communicating.

312
00:14:04,120 --> 00:14:05,480
Speaker 1: They just are going to go down on me as

313
00:14:05,520 --> 00:14:07,760
Speaker 1: a service. Yes, would it matter too if it were

314
00:14:07,760 --> 00:14:15,679
Speaker 1: a man or a woman? Well, so if you ever massage, Yes,

315
00:14:16,679 --> 00:14:19,320
Speaker 1: upcoming massuses, but tell not for him though Highma is

316
00:14:19,360 --> 00:14:21,320
Speaker 1: married and it is my missus here in l A,

317
00:14:21,720 --> 00:14:24,000
Speaker 1: but at resorts. If you guys are down with that,

318
00:14:24,160 --> 00:14:26,560
Speaker 1: so am I. You just need to check that box

319
00:14:26,560 --> 00:14:28,400
Speaker 1: at the bottom of your intake forms that you would

320
00:14:28,440 --> 00:14:30,640
Speaker 1: like to be finished. They don't say, they don't put anything,

321
00:14:30,760 --> 00:14:32,800
Speaker 1: just write it in. Yeah, I like a ballot, like

322
00:14:32,800 --> 00:14:35,600
Speaker 1: a ballot for a candidate that's not on the ballot.

323
00:14:36,480 --> 00:14:38,120
Speaker 1: That's what I should say the next time I get

324
00:14:38,120 --> 00:14:41,000
Speaker 1: a massagic. I'm before you get started, before you go

325
00:14:41,080 --> 00:14:43,120
Speaker 1: down on me at the very end, will you just

326
00:14:43,160 --> 00:14:45,560
Speaker 1: give me like a ten minute warning just said, it's

327
00:14:45,600 --> 00:14:49,040
Speaker 1: like the preface of this is the expectation, and just

328
00:14:49,040 --> 00:14:50,480
Speaker 1: slip it in. Be like, okay, so I like a

329
00:14:50,520 --> 00:14:52,320
Speaker 1: medium pressure my lower backs when hurting and when you

330
00:14:52,360 --> 00:14:54,360
Speaker 1: go down on me. If we could just not make

331
00:14:54,400 --> 00:15:00,200
Speaker 1: eye contact. Oh okay, it sounds like we're gonna a

332
00:15:00,280 --> 00:15:04,280
Speaker 1: break and we'll be right back. Should we get into

333
00:15:04,320 --> 00:15:06,960
Speaker 1: some advice. Yeah, we've covered a lot of topics. They're like,

334
00:15:07,000 --> 00:15:09,240
Speaker 1: we're giving me advice, now, well, let's give us some

335
00:15:09,280 --> 00:15:14,000
Speaker 1: advice to Kirby's Kirby, He's fifty three, He writes, Dear Chelsea,

336
00:15:14,280 --> 00:15:16,280
Speaker 1: my name is Kirby. I'm fifty three and have several

337
00:15:16,360 --> 00:15:20,320
Speaker 1: underlying health issues like insulin dependency, neuropathy, and my legs

338
00:15:20,320 --> 00:15:22,600
Speaker 1: and arms and many more. But those are the things

339
00:15:22,680 --> 00:15:27,600
Speaker 1: that make me miserable. Well aft my kids are all adults.

340
00:15:27,600 --> 00:15:29,680
Speaker 1: My ex wife was killed in a motorcycle accident in

341
00:15:29,720 --> 00:15:32,320
Speaker 1: two thousand and nineteen. Three months later, my mother died

342
00:15:32,360 --> 00:15:36,040
Speaker 1: of terminal leukemia. I'm an alcoholic. I try not drinking,

343
00:15:36,080 --> 00:15:37,880
Speaker 1: but it doesn't last long and I go right back

344
00:15:37,880 --> 00:15:40,520
Speaker 1: to it. I didn't even drink until I was thirty

345
00:15:40,520 --> 00:15:42,840
Speaker 1: two years old. I was always a functioning alcoholic, but

346
00:15:42,880 --> 00:15:46,680
Speaker 1: in the last year it's been something I go to daily, nightly,

347
00:15:46,800 --> 00:15:49,880
Speaker 1: even hourly. Then I just have to stop for a

348
00:15:49,880 --> 00:15:52,520
Speaker 1: few days. I'm not doing bad. My house is paid for,

349
00:15:52,600 --> 00:15:54,440
Speaker 1: I have no car payment. But I feel like I'm

350
00:15:54,440 --> 00:15:56,600
Speaker 1: going to overdo it one time and my kids will

351
00:15:56,640 --> 00:15:58,960
Speaker 1: find me dead. I'm not suicidal at all, and never

352
00:15:59,000 --> 00:16:01,000
Speaker 1: even crosses my mind, but I worry one day my

353
00:16:01,000 --> 00:16:02,800
Speaker 1: body is going to say fuck you, Kirby, and it

354
00:16:02,840 --> 00:16:05,960
Speaker 1: will be over. I just can't stop drinking in excess.

355
00:16:06,680 --> 00:16:08,800
Speaker 1: It's when I'm by myself, which is often and I

356
00:16:08,840 --> 00:16:11,920
Speaker 1: suffer bad for days, and I often isolate myself from everybody,

357
00:16:11,960 --> 00:16:14,840
Speaker 1: including my kids. I'm drinking now, but I can still

358
00:16:14,880 --> 00:16:17,200
Speaker 1: gather my thoughts. I don't know what to expect from this.

359
00:16:17,240 --> 00:16:19,560
Speaker 1: Hopefully I won't be made fun of. Well, I think

360
00:16:19,600 --> 00:16:21,360
Speaker 1: we should set up we're never gonna make fun of

361
00:16:21,400 --> 00:16:25,160
Speaker 1: people serious issues. No, no, of course not no, We're

362
00:16:25,160 --> 00:16:27,840
Speaker 1: not here for that, absolutely not. I'll make fun of

363
00:16:27,840 --> 00:16:31,280
Speaker 1: people that don't have serious issues, but not people that do.

364
00:16:31,840 --> 00:16:34,160
Speaker 1: I think Kirby has to stop drinking. Kirby, I think

365
00:16:34,160 --> 00:16:35,800
Speaker 1: you need to stop drinking, and I think you need

366
00:16:35,840 --> 00:16:38,640
Speaker 1: to like, I think you need a community. Like it

367
00:16:38,760 --> 00:16:41,920
Speaker 1: sounds like you feel very alone, and I think you

368
00:16:41,920 --> 00:16:45,840
Speaker 1: should start by going to a a meetings. You probably

369
00:16:45,880 --> 00:16:48,560
Speaker 1: weren't expecting to hear that, but like, you really really

370
00:16:48,600 --> 00:16:51,240
Speaker 1: need a community of people who understand what you're going through,

371
00:16:51,280 --> 00:16:53,840
Speaker 1: because what's happening to you. You're not the only man

372
00:16:53,920 --> 00:16:56,000
Speaker 1: in the world that feels this way. So you need

373
00:16:56,040 --> 00:16:58,720
Speaker 1: to be in a situation where you can hear other

374
00:16:58,800 --> 00:17:02,000
Speaker 1: people talking about their problems and their struggles with alcohol.

375
00:17:02,600 --> 00:17:05,800
Speaker 1: And that is a I completely agree. I mean this

376
00:17:05,880 --> 00:17:09,320
Speaker 1: is Yeah, this is because you have all the signposts here,

377
00:17:09,359 --> 00:17:12,040
Speaker 1: like you're saying you can't control your drinking. You you're

378
00:17:12,080 --> 00:17:15,720
Speaker 1: excessively drinking. Your kids are all adults, so of course

379
00:17:15,760 --> 00:17:17,879
Speaker 1: you don't have to focus your attention on them. And

380
00:17:17,920 --> 00:17:20,960
Speaker 1: your wife passed away in a terrible accident, and then

381
00:17:20,960 --> 00:17:23,920
Speaker 1: your mother died. Like I understand that you're feeling very

382
00:17:23,960 --> 00:17:27,440
Speaker 1: sorry for yourself, and that's okay, but you can't feel

383
00:17:27,480 --> 00:17:30,520
Speaker 1: sorry for yourself and then on top of that, drown

384
00:17:30,600 --> 00:17:33,359
Speaker 1: yourself an alcohol. You can feel sorry for yourself and

385
00:17:33,400 --> 00:17:36,679
Speaker 1: not drink, but you can't do both well. And this

386
00:17:36,720 --> 00:17:39,520
Speaker 1: really speaks to me because my mom and career about

387
00:17:39,520 --> 00:17:42,240
Speaker 1: the same age. She had a lot of stuff happen

388
00:17:42,480 --> 00:17:46,840
Speaker 1: early in life that can really set someone's life plan

389
00:17:46,960 --> 00:17:49,000
Speaker 1: on a different path, and it's hard to get back

390
00:17:49,040 --> 00:17:51,960
Speaker 1: to a place where you're operating and functioning at a

391
00:17:52,040 --> 00:17:55,479
Speaker 1: high level and happily. But it's not too late, So Kirby,

392
00:17:55,520 --> 00:17:58,399
Speaker 1: my mom did a a for six months. She did

393
00:17:58,440 --> 00:18:00,000
Speaker 1: it religiously. I think she was going like two or

394
00:18:00,040 --> 00:18:01,800
Speaker 1: three meetings a week, and it really that was when

395
00:18:01,840 --> 00:18:04,440
Speaker 1: we all thought she was back on the right track.

396
00:18:04,480 --> 00:18:06,840
Speaker 1: And she has since fallen off of the wagon and

397
00:18:06,880 --> 00:18:10,720
Speaker 1: it's a process. So you just have to get yourself started.

398
00:18:10,920 --> 00:18:13,159
Speaker 1: You have to find a group, an a group, You

399
00:18:13,160 --> 00:18:15,280
Speaker 1: need to find a sponsor, you need to find something

400
00:18:15,680 --> 00:18:18,400
Speaker 1: to do in the place of drinking. There are small

401
00:18:18,440 --> 00:18:20,439
Speaker 1: steps you can take to just make yourself feel like

402
00:18:20,480 --> 00:18:23,000
Speaker 1: you have more control than you do now, and eventually

403
00:18:23,000 --> 00:18:25,440
Speaker 1: the control will come. I know you're in pain because

404
00:18:25,480 --> 00:18:27,399
Speaker 1: you have an insulin dependency, and it says you have

405
00:18:27,440 --> 00:18:30,560
Speaker 1: neuropathy in your legs and arms. But like, drinking can't

406
00:18:30,600 --> 00:18:32,359
Speaker 1: be your amelia in that's not going to be your

407
00:18:32,400 --> 00:18:35,320
Speaker 1: pain fixer. You have got to get alcohol out of

408
00:18:35,359 --> 00:18:38,040
Speaker 1: your repertoire. For someone like this, would you recommend they

409
00:18:38,040 --> 00:18:40,919
Speaker 1: try cannabis? I would, But I think right now you

410
00:18:40,960 --> 00:18:42,639
Speaker 1: need to take a like he needs to get his

411
00:18:42,760 --> 00:18:46,080
Speaker 1: head clear. So you're fifty three years old, Like that

412
00:18:46,280 --> 00:18:50,560
Speaker 1: is not old, not anymore. Like you have a lot

413
00:18:50,600 --> 00:18:52,199
Speaker 1: of life, and don't you want to share that with

414
00:18:52,240 --> 00:18:54,760
Speaker 1: someone and don't you want to have more adventures and

415
00:18:54,800 --> 00:18:58,160
Speaker 1: have more enjoyable times, Like you can't just be putting

416
00:18:58,200 --> 00:19:00,440
Speaker 1: a band aid on a band aid on a band aid,

417
00:19:00,640 --> 00:19:03,080
Speaker 1: So you need to go to a a I think,

418
00:19:03,240 --> 00:19:04,919
Speaker 1: and that's where you can start with, like you know,

419
00:19:05,000 --> 00:19:07,800
Speaker 1: talk therapy because you'll be talking to other people. And

420
00:19:07,840 --> 00:19:09,959
Speaker 1: the other thing I would suggest, if you can afford it,

421
00:19:10,359 --> 00:19:12,520
Speaker 1: or if your health care provider can provide it, is

422
00:19:12,560 --> 00:19:15,280
Speaker 1: to get a therapist because you need to really be

423
00:19:15,359 --> 00:19:17,680
Speaker 1: talking this stuff out. Men hold too much stuff in

424
00:19:18,080 --> 00:19:19,720
Speaker 1: and then it just leads to this and then it

425
00:19:19,760 --> 00:19:22,960
Speaker 1: becomes insurmountable and you feel so sorry for yourself, and

426
00:19:23,000 --> 00:19:25,440
Speaker 1: I don't want you to feel that way. And you

427
00:19:25,480 --> 00:19:29,639
Speaker 1: can also look into there are subsidized therapists basically in

428
00:19:29,640 --> 00:19:33,040
Speaker 1: every area or online now online therapy. I recommend looking

429
00:19:33,040 --> 00:19:36,480
Speaker 1: for one that subsidizes based on your current income if

430
00:19:36,480 --> 00:19:38,040
Speaker 1: that if that's an issue, and it may not be,

431
00:19:38,280 --> 00:19:39,879
Speaker 1: but finding someone that you're comfortable to talk to you

432
00:19:39,920 --> 00:19:42,399
Speaker 1: outside of a a as well to hold you accountable

433
00:19:42,640 --> 00:19:46,360
Speaker 1: for the things that are affecting you personally that don't

434
00:19:46,400 --> 00:19:49,440
Speaker 1: have to do with your alcoholism, because that's another thing

435
00:19:49,480 --> 00:19:51,520
Speaker 1: that I've realized in what I've been going through my family,

436
00:19:51,560 --> 00:19:55,200
Speaker 1: is that everything is not to do with the alcohol

437
00:19:55,560 --> 00:19:57,760
Speaker 1: being incorporated into your life. That it's not all the

438
00:19:57,800 --> 00:19:59,800
Speaker 1: result of that, and you're not drinking because of all

439
00:19:59,880 --> 00:20:01,840
Speaker 1: the those things. There's just a lot to unpack in

440
00:20:01,840 --> 00:20:04,800
Speaker 1: your life, it seems like, and having someone there outside

441
00:20:04,800 --> 00:20:07,840
Speaker 1: of your a A meetings to delve into those things,

442
00:20:07,880 --> 00:20:10,520
Speaker 1: it is probably gonna be really beneficial to you. Yeah,

443
00:20:10,680 --> 00:20:12,679
Speaker 1: I agree with that, And I think if A just

444
00:20:12,720 --> 00:20:16,240
Speaker 1: sounds like so overwhelming to you, there's a reason it does,

445
00:20:16,720 --> 00:20:19,440
Speaker 1: because it's your ticket to happiness. And I swear if

446
00:20:19,520 --> 00:20:23,160
Speaker 1: you really focus on getting alcohol out of your life,

447
00:20:23,200 --> 00:20:26,480
Speaker 1: I guarantee you you will find joy and happiness again.

448
00:20:26,640 --> 00:20:30,200
Speaker 1: I guarantee you, Kirby, let us know, keep us posted.

449
00:20:30,240 --> 00:20:33,320
Speaker 1: We hope you're doing. Okay. That was a serious one. Well,

450
00:20:33,359 --> 00:20:35,600
Speaker 1: the people have serious issues, and you know, sadly, this

451
00:20:35,640 --> 00:20:37,520
Speaker 1: is one of those things that all these things are

452
00:20:37,520 --> 00:20:39,719
Speaker 1: compounding on him. So he has health issues, he's had

453
00:20:39,760 --> 00:20:42,919
Speaker 1: emotional distress over these last years, and then the pandemic

454
00:20:43,000 --> 00:20:46,199
Speaker 1: for everyone over the last year. I'm sure it's just blanket,

455
00:20:46,680 --> 00:20:49,760
Speaker 1: wet blanket on a wet blanket. I mean, as feels

456
00:20:49,760 --> 00:20:52,119
Speaker 1: like he's drowning. But I would have never believed it

457
00:20:52,160 --> 00:20:54,840
Speaker 1: with the A thing, But after seeing the result of

458
00:20:54,880 --> 00:20:57,520
Speaker 1: it from either people that I know or my mom specifically,

459
00:20:58,240 --> 00:21:00,320
Speaker 1: there's a reason that it works. There's a reason bowl

460
00:21:00,480 --> 00:21:05,400
Speaker 1: who stick to it seemingly have a positive outcome because

461
00:21:05,400 --> 00:21:07,200
Speaker 1: if nothing else, and people fall off the wagon all

462
00:21:07,240 --> 00:21:09,560
Speaker 1: the time. Yeah, yeah, yeah, I just people don't realize

463
00:21:09,600 --> 00:21:11,560
Speaker 1: how easy it is. It's just that one hump you

464
00:21:11,600 --> 00:21:13,520
Speaker 1: have to get over, which is the initial you know

465
00:21:13,520 --> 00:21:15,199
Speaker 1: what I mean. It's like going to do what you

466
00:21:15,200 --> 00:21:17,359
Speaker 1: want to do and then sticking, like going to the

467
00:21:17,359 --> 00:21:19,680
Speaker 1: meeting is the hardest thing. And I just wish you

468
00:21:19,680 --> 00:21:21,840
Speaker 1: would think about your age, like fifty three, you could

469
00:21:21,840 --> 00:21:24,320
Speaker 1: have a whole other life. You could have two more lives.

470
00:21:24,480 --> 00:21:26,560
Speaker 1: You're a man, you could get married seven more times.

471
00:21:26,560 --> 00:21:28,119
Speaker 1: This will seem like a blip. You just have to

472
00:21:28,119 --> 00:21:29,360
Speaker 1: do it. Go to the first once, like the first

473
00:21:29,400 --> 00:21:31,120
Speaker 1: workout class. Once you do the first one, the rust

474
00:21:31,119 --> 00:21:34,360
Speaker 1: aren't that bad and you realize the conditioning that you're

475
00:21:34,400 --> 00:21:36,320
Speaker 1: going through while you're there and that you are getting better.

476
00:21:36,440 --> 00:21:39,800
Speaker 1: So good luck, Kirby. Maybe I should just have sex

477
00:21:39,800 --> 00:21:41,720
Speaker 1: with all these people. Maybe that would help. Maybe we

478
00:21:41,760 --> 00:21:45,920
Speaker 1: should be sex therapist. Well, sex sex as the therapy.

479
00:21:46,040 --> 00:21:49,040
Speaker 1: I mean, like there are actual people who have sex

480
00:21:49,200 --> 00:21:54,639
Speaker 1: with people to not cure, but to help alleviate some

481
00:21:54,720 --> 00:21:58,520
Speaker 1: of these Uh really yeah, it's a sex therapy. There

482
00:21:58,520 --> 00:22:00,680
Speaker 1: are only so many states. I think it's many countries

483
00:22:00,840 --> 00:22:03,680
Speaker 1: set that allow for it. But yeah, there are people

484
00:22:03,720 --> 00:22:06,520
Speaker 1: that have like severe social anxiety and they'll see a

485
00:22:06,520 --> 00:22:10,199
Speaker 1: sex therapist to get that intimacy to feel more comfortable around. Okay, well,

486
00:22:10,200 --> 00:22:12,200
Speaker 1: I don't think we should offer that service yet until

487
00:22:12,240 --> 00:22:14,520
Speaker 1: we find a caller that I think I'm attracted to. Yeah,

488
00:22:14,560 --> 00:22:18,240
Speaker 1: well we'll set that expectation for season two. Okay. Our

489
00:22:18,280 --> 00:22:24,000
Speaker 1: next submission comes from t Mr T Just Letter T

490
00:22:24,680 --> 00:22:28,719
Speaker 1: twenty two out of Vancouver. She right, Oh, this is nice, Hi,

491
00:22:28,840 --> 00:22:32,000
Speaker 1: Chelsea and Brandon. That's me. I need sex life advice.

492
00:22:32,160 --> 00:22:34,000
Speaker 1: I'm a girl in my twenties and I'm struggling. My

493
00:22:34,040 --> 00:22:36,439
Speaker 1: first relationship started when I was beginning high school and

494
00:22:36,440 --> 00:22:39,399
Speaker 1: it lasted until my first year of university. He was

495
00:22:39,440 --> 00:22:43,080
Speaker 1: abusive and I experienced intimate partner sexual violence for pretty

496
00:22:43,119 --> 00:22:45,440
Speaker 1: much the entire time we were together. I'm very sorry

497
00:22:45,440 --> 00:22:48,360
Speaker 1: to hear that. Fast forward a few years. My new

498
00:22:48,400 --> 00:22:50,560
Speaker 1: boyfriend is amazing and I'm super attracted to him, but

499
00:22:50,600 --> 00:22:53,480
Speaker 1: I really struggle to feel the mood for sex. How

500
00:22:53,480 --> 00:22:56,000
Speaker 1: can I get my libido going? Well? This two is

501
00:22:56,000 --> 00:22:58,600
Speaker 1: a very serious question. But this is something that I imagine,

502
00:22:58,640 --> 00:23:00,639
Speaker 1: sadly a lot of women deal with. And we have

503
00:23:00,880 --> 00:23:06,280
Speaker 1: t on the phone. Hi, Hi, how are you? I'm good?

504
00:23:06,320 --> 00:23:09,840
Speaker 1: How are you guys? We're good. We're glad you called. Yeah,

505
00:23:09,960 --> 00:23:14,160
Speaker 1: thank you. I'm honestly shocked that I even got a response.

506
00:23:14,200 --> 00:23:16,960
Speaker 1: I was totally not expecting anything. Oh yeah, well we're

507
00:23:16,960 --> 00:23:20,160
Speaker 1: serious about our quest or no, it's not a quest,

508
00:23:20,240 --> 00:23:23,400
Speaker 1: it's more of a well, it's certainly not a journey.

509
00:23:23,520 --> 00:23:26,639
Speaker 1: It's not a journey. So T Are you attracted to

510
00:23:26,640 --> 00:23:30,840
Speaker 1: your boyfriend now? Of course? Yes, you are? Okay? And

511
00:23:30,880 --> 00:23:34,000
Speaker 1: have you guys had sex? Yes? Yeah, you just have

512
00:23:34,080 --> 00:23:38,600
Speaker 1: trouble getting into the mood. Yeah, it's just like I

513
00:23:38,640 --> 00:23:42,879
Speaker 1: don't know, It's it's often once it starts, I'm like, okay,

514
00:23:42,960 --> 00:23:46,760
Speaker 1: yes I am enjoying this, but often when he tries

515
00:23:46,840 --> 00:23:52,159
Speaker 1: to initiate, I'm kind of just like, it doesn't feel comfortable.

516
00:23:52,280 --> 00:23:55,160
Speaker 1: And that's not anything with him. I'm a d percent

517
00:23:55,200 --> 00:23:59,960
Speaker 1: comfortable with him. I mean, honestly, it's it's trauma. Like really,

518
00:24:00,119 --> 00:24:02,479
Speaker 1: if I think about it, that's what it is. And

519
00:24:02,560 --> 00:24:04,679
Speaker 1: are you comfortable making the move on him? Though you

520
00:24:04,720 --> 00:24:08,040
Speaker 1: are comfortable when it starts that way? Yeah, yeah, to

521
00:24:08,119 --> 00:24:11,320
Speaker 1: a degree. I'm I'm not super confident in making the

522
00:24:11,359 --> 00:24:17,440
Speaker 1: move aggressive not aggressively, that's not the right word. But yeah, yeah,

523
00:24:17,760 --> 00:24:19,600
Speaker 1: Like if it's just like we start kissing or whatever

524
00:24:19,640 --> 00:24:23,000
Speaker 1: and it kind of moves naturally, I'm good with that.

525
00:24:23,080 --> 00:24:26,439
Speaker 1: But like making like a statement or like, right, you're

526
00:24:26,480 --> 00:24:28,280
Speaker 1: not coming out of your room like in a negligent

527
00:24:28,440 --> 00:24:31,440
Speaker 1: or something, right, Yeah, neither am I. By the way,

528
00:24:31,600 --> 00:24:34,399
Speaker 1: so I'm with you on that. You've discussed your past

529
00:24:34,440 --> 00:24:37,760
Speaker 1: relationship with him, right, the abuse? Yeah, yeah, definitely, so

530
00:24:37,800 --> 00:24:41,080
Speaker 1: he understands, right, have you always this to him? How

531
00:24:41,240 --> 00:24:44,800
Speaker 1: you he's he's super super good with it, and it

532
00:24:44,920 --> 00:24:48,320
Speaker 1: always is asking me throughout the whole way, like are

533
00:24:48,320 --> 00:24:51,360
Speaker 1: you good? Is this okay? Like he's definitely really good

534
00:24:51,400 --> 00:24:53,680
Speaker 1: with that. Yeah, okay, So you have to find ways

535
00:24:53,720 --> 00:24:56,440
Speaker 1: just to turn yourself on in totally what I would

536
00:24:56,440 --> 00:24:58,000
Speaker 1: say right off the back up this is something this

537
00:24:58,080 --> 00:24:59,760
Speaker 1: is a perfect example where we need to sex them

538
00:24:59,760 --> 00:25:01,800
Speaker 1: a pi us or somebody like you know, a survivor's

539
00:25:01,800 --> 00:25:04,600
Speaker 1: therapist who can actually speak to this, and we will

540
00:25:04,600 --> 00:25:06,960
Speaker 1: try and find that person for you. But I would say,

541
00:25:06,960 --> 00:25:09,160
Speaker 1: instinctively off the bat, how long have you been dating

542
00:25:09,160 --> 00:25:12,720
Speaker 1: your new boyfriend, like three years. Okay, so that's a

543
00:25:12,720 --> 00:25:15,919
Speaker 1: long time, right, Yeah, And so have these feelings abated

544
00:25:16,040 --> 00:25:19,720
Speaker 1: during that time where they did they used to be stronger? Yes.

545
00:25:20,080 --> 00:25:22,760
Speaker 1: So in the beginning, my thing is that I kind

546
00:25:22,760 --> 00:25:27,000
Speaker 1: of disassociate during sex. My mind just wanders and all

547
00:25:27,000 --> 00:25:30,000
Speaker 1: of a sudden kind of blank out. In the beginning,

548
00:25:30,119 --> 00:25:31,959
Speaker 1: that's what was happening, and I was like, I'm not

549
00:25:32,080 --> 00:25:34,960
Speaker 1: enjoying this. So then I kind of started trying to

550
00:25:34,960 --> 00:25:38,680
Speaker 1: have the conversation with him about like what happened, and

551
00:25:39,320 --> 00:25:41,879
Speaker 1: that went fine, and then so it kind of progressed.

552
00:25:42,160 --> 00:25:45,320
Speaker 1: Now it's just kind of like duck in this little rut.

553
00:25:45,560 --> 00:25:47,560
Speaker 1: Is there anything that he can do or those moments

554
00:25:47,560 --> 00:25:49,480
Speaker 1: where you do find yourself with your guard down and

555
00:25:49,480 --> 00:25:52,560
Speaker 1: you feel more comfortable? Is there not? I hate to

556
00:25:52,640 --> 00:25:53,960
Speaker 1: use the word like four play, but is there a

557
00:25:54,040 --> 00:25:56,320
Speaker 1: build up or a setup that he has been able

558
00:25:56,359 --> 00:25:58,879
Speaker 1: to do or that you acknowledge and realize like, okay,

559
00:25:58,920 --> 00:26:03,000
Speaker 1: this is this is what propels the sexual interaction where

560
00:26:03,000 --> 00:26:08,160
Speaker 1: I feel comfortable Initially, Yeah, I found specifically being at

561
00:26:08,240 --> 00:26:11,680
Speaker 1: my house in my bed, I find that is more

562
00:26:11,760 --> 00:26:14,160
Speaker 1: comfortable and I tend to feel better in that space.

563
00:26:14,680 --> 00:26:18,119
Speaker 1: And then also, I don't know why, but having a

564
00:26:18,160 --> 00:26:21,320
Speaker 1: shower first seems to work like it can kind of

565
00:26:21,359 --> 00:26:24,919
Speaker 1: just if we shower together. I don't know why, but

566
00:26:25,000 --> 00:26:30,200
Speaker 1: it's comforting there, and then it can kind of progress. Yeah,

567
00:26:30,320 --> 00:26:32,200
Speaker 1: and so when you say you're stuck in a rut,

568
00:26:32,200 --> 00:26:34,520
Speaker 1: like so, things were okay for a while and then

569
00:26:34,560 --> 00:26:37,359
Speaker 1: this happened, or like you said, things used to be

570
00:26:37,400 --> 00:26:39,880
Speaker 1: a little bit more intense and so they've intensified less.

571
00:26:39,880 --> 00:26:42,400
Speaker 1: But what do you mean by the rut exactly? We've

572
00:26:42,400 --> 00:26:45,320
Speaker 1: had discussions where he's obviously really good about all this,

573
00:26:45,400 --> 00:26:49,240
Speaker 1: but he has expressed, you know, that he doesn't always

574
00:26:49,280 --> 00:26:52,800
Speaker 1: feel desired, and I don't want him to feel like

575
00:26:52,840 --> 00:26:55,639
Speaker 1: that because obviously this is a mutual thing where it

576
00:26:55,680 --> 00:26:59,119
Speaker 1: should both be feeling that way. So I guess the

577
00:26:59,320 --> 00:27:02,639
Speaker 1: issue is making him feel that way too, and getting

578
00:27:03,400 --> 00:27:06,560
Speaker 1: confidence in myself and yeah, just feeling in the mood

579
00:27:06,680 --> 00:27:11,520
Speaker 1: to actually initiate that. I think that the strongest aphrodisiac

580
00:27:11,680 --> 00:27:15,240
Speaker 1: is communication, right, So, like that is really you guys

581
00:27:15,280 --> 00:27:17,679
Speaker 1: seem to have a really good dialogue and he seems

582
00:27:17,680 --> 00:27:20,359
Speaker 1: to obviously be very careful with what's happened to you

583
00:27:20,400 --> 00:27:23,960
Speaker 1: and your past so he's obviously very dedicated to making

584
00:27:24,000 --> 00:27:26,919
Speaker 1: sure that you feel safe. So I think if you say, like,

585
00:27:27,000 --> 00:27:29,320
Speaker 1: if you have these conversations and you're like, listen, I

586
00:27:29,359 --> 00:27:31,400
Speaker 1: want to give you what you want, and I want

587
00:27:31,400 --> 00:27:33,639
Speaker 1: to be more sexually open. But this is like a

588
00:27:33,680 --> 00:27:35,760
Speaker 1: process that we have to learn how to do together,

589
00:27:36,200 --> 00:27:38,600
Speaker 1: and I want to be in this with you, and

590
00:27:38,680 --> 00:27:41,160
Speaker 1: I want to open up more, like be more free

591
00:27:41,200 --> 00:27:44,200
Speaker 1: sexually with you because I trust you, because I love

592
00:27:44,240 --> 00:27:46,160
Speaker 1: you, you you know all the right things. But I think

593
00:27:46,240 --> 00:27:49,600
Speaker 1: having a really open dialogue with your partner is going

594
00:27:49,640 --> 00:27:53,280
Speaker 1: to lead to success quicker than later. Have you had counseling.

595
00:27:54,160 --> 00:27:56,640
Speaker 1: I've just kind of started again. I went a couple

596
00:27:56,640 --> 00:27:59,720
Speaker 1: of times, and it was kind of towards the beginning

597
00:27:59,800 --> 00:28:02,520
Speaker 1: and it was just so hard to even get words

598
00:28:02,560 --> 00:28:05,720
Speaker 1: out about it. So I've just recently started going again.

599
00:28:05,880 --> 00:28:09,120
Speaker 1: But yeah, that's obviously I need to do that. That's

600
00:28:09,200 --> 00:28:11,120
Speaker 1: I know, going to help a lot. Yeah, that's gonna

601
00:28:11,160 --> 00:28:12,919
Speaker 1: help a lot. And you know, we will try and

602
00:28:12,960 --> 00:28:15,360
Speaker 1: find a sexual therapist that we can we can put

603
00:28:15,400 --> 00:28:18,000
Speaker 1: you in contact with to help you, like somebody who

604
00:28:18,080 --> 00:28:20,840
Speaker 1: specializes with victims of abuse or that have been an

605
00:28:20,880 --> 00:28:24,080
Speaker 1: abusive relationships prior, because I'm sure there's a lot of

606
00:28:24,080 --> 00:28:26,760
Speaker 1: tricks up somebody's sleeves for what to do, and we

607
00:28:26,800 --> 00:28:29,040
Speaker 1: do want to help you. But obviously this isn't my

608
00:28:29,080 --> 00:28:33,200
Speaker 1: specialty or wheelhouse sweetheart, right, but I do think the communication,

609
00:28:33,280 --> 00:28:35,000
Speaker 1: you know, like I'm sure you guys have an open

610
00:28:35,000 --> 00:28:39,280
Speaker 1: communication already. Yeah, that's one thing that definitely wasn't so

611
00:28:39,360 --> 00:28:43,080
Speaker 1: much in the beginning, just because I wasn't communicating about it.

612
00:28:43,120 --> 00:28:45,640
Speaker 1: I wasn't. It's a hard thing to talk about, right,

613
00:28:46,200 --> 00:28:49,160
Speaker 1: But yeah, that's definitely gotten a lot better, especially like

614
00:28:49,200 --> 00:28:52,080
Speaker 1: even in the last three four months, we've been talking

615
00:28:52,160 --> 00:28:54,240
Speaker 1: about it a lot more. Yeah, So I would say

616
00:28:54,320 --> 00:28:56,840
Speaker 1: over communicate during this time, you know, because it will

617
00:28:56,880 --> 00:28:59,240
Speaker 1: only bring you closer together, and so he can have

618
00:28:59,240 --> 00:29:01,600
Speaker 1: a better understanding of where you're coming from, and you

619
00:29:01,640 --> 00:29:04,200
Speaker 1: can start to understand that that is your past, that's

620
00:29:04,240 --> 00:29:06,640
Speaker 1: not your present, and you'll be able to be a

621
00:29:06,640 --> 00:29:09,840
Speaker 1: little bit more free hopefully. And in the meantime we

622
00:29:09,880 --> 00:29:13,320
Speaker 1: will get us well, we'll find somebody. Yeah, awesome, this

623
00:29:13,400 --> 00:29:15,360
Speaker 1: is a good mission for us to go on on

624
00:29:15,400 --> 00:29:19,360
Speaker 1: your behalf, So we'll we'll be in touch, Okay, thank you,

625
00:29:19,400 --> 00:29:24,960
Speaker 1: all right, keep smiling to thank you bye bye. Keeps

626
00:29:25,000 --> 00:29:28,560
Speaker 1: your miiling, keep shining. I know it's and there's so

627
00:29:28,640 --> 00:29:31,200
Speaker 1: much like I see her, and then I think of

628
00:29:31,200 --> 00:29:33,600
Speaker 1: my little sisters, and I'm like the fact that anyone

629
00:29:34,040 --> 00:29:37,280
Speaker 1: could put someone in that position to feel out of

630
00:29:37,280 --> 00:29:41,200
Speaker 1: control of their body or that they're owed someone something

631
00:29:41,240 --> 00:29:44,160
Speaker 1: through their body, like, it's just it's so horrible. This

632
00:29:44,200 --> 00:29:46,000
Speaker 1: is the other thing is I hope that for someone

633
00:29:46,040 --> 00:29:48,120
Speaker 1: like that, they can get their power back by talking

634
00:29:48,160 --> 00:29:50,440
Speaker 1: about it to other people, going to a support group,

635
00:29:50,520 --> 00:29:54,160
Speaker 1: or helping younger girls who are currently experiencing this, because

636
00:29:54,160 --> 00:29:57,120
Speaker 1: I feel like once you put yourself in that position

637
00:29:57,120 --> 00:29:59,239
Speaker 1: to help someone else, it gives you a sense of

638
00:30:00,040 --> 00:30:02,080
Speaker 1: self again. They're like, Okay, whatever was taken from me,

639
00:30:02,120 --> 00:30:06,040
Speaker 1: I'm helping someone else, Like you get something back internally. Yeah, No,

640
00:30:06,280 --> 00:30:08,360
Speaker 1: I think you're probably right about that. And it's also

641
00:30:08,760 --> 00:30:11,640
Speaker 1: it's really hard to talk about sexual abuse, but it's

642
00:30:11,680 --> 00:30:14,120
Speaker 1: really hard for someone's power to be taken away. It's

643
00:30:14,440 --> 00:30:17,720
Speaker 1: it's not fair because nobody gets to do that, you know,

644
00:30:17,800 --> 00:30:20,800
Speaker 1: nobody gets to take somebody else's power away. But I

645
00:30:20,800 --> 00:30:23,720
Speaker 1: do feel like she, based on the limited information we

646
00:30:23,760 --> 00:30:26,520
Speaker 1: had that her boyfriend is probably, you know, good guy.

647
00:30:26,960 --> 00:30:30,320
Speaker 1: He's understanding, he's trying to process this with her, and

648
00:30:30,360 --> 00:30:32,440
Speaker 1: there need to be more men like that that understand

649
00:30:32,640 --> 00:30:35,640
Speaker 1: the dynamics of past sex issues that women have gone

650
00:30:35,640 --> 00:30:39,960
Speaker 1: through and being patient. So yeah, I agree with that.

651
00:30:40,640 --> 00:30:43,640
Speaker 1: Her next amission, who is a caller. Her name is Charlotte.

652
00:30:43,680 --> 00:30:46,600
Speaker 1: She's from Houston. She's twenty three, a recent college grad.

653
00:30:47,160 --> 00:30:49,840
Speaker 1: She writes, Dear Chelsea, how do I stop feeling so

654
00:30:49,960 --> 00:30:51,760
Speaker 1: ugly all the time? I can't stop looking in the

655
00:30:51,760 --> 00:30:54,600
Speaker 1: mirror and thinking about how people I find hot would

656
00:30:54,600 --> 00:30:57,760
Speaker 1: never find me beautiful. You seem so confident and I

657
00:30:57,840 --> 00:31:05,360
Speaker 1: want that, Charlotte, are you there? Hi? Yes? I am Hi, Charlotte, hiute?

658
00:31:05,600 --> 00:31:10,560
Speaker 1: I know what are you talking about? Well, it feels

659
00:31:10,840 --> 00:31:13,360
Speaker 1: it feels stupid to think about because it's like such

660
00:31:13,360 --> 00:31:16,440
Speaker 1: a shallow thing to care about, and I hate using

661
00:31:16,480 --> 00:31:20,720
Speaker 1: brain power thinking about it. But I just like spiral

662
00:31:20,880 --> 00:31:23,520
Speaker 1: sometimes and I spend too much time like looking in

663
00:31:23,520 --> 00:31:25,880
Speaker 1: the mirror, and I just I can only see the

664
00:31:25,960 --> 00:31:29,200
Speaker 1: things that our flaws and that I hate about myself,

665
00:31:29,280 --> 00:31:32,520
Speaker 1: And then I like go on Instagram or whatever, and

666
00:31:33,040 --> 00:31:36,360
Speaker 1: I'm not just like comparing myself to models or whatever,

667
00:31:36,440 --> 00:31:38,520
Speaker 1: But I'm looking at like my peers and I'm like,

668
00:31:38,560 --> 00:31:43,240
Speaker 1: oh this, I'm not measuring up. And I really struggle

669
00:31:43,280 --> 00:31:45,560
Speaker 1: with that. And you just seem so confident and like

670
00:31:45,680 --> 00:31:48,880
Speaker 1: you don't care, and I admire that a lot. Well

671
00:31:48,920 --> 00:31:52,480
Speaker 1: that's bullshit. I do care. I just care more. I do.

672
00:31:52,600 --> 00:31:55,960
Speaker 1: I care immensely, But I care more about also myself

673
00:31:56,400 --> 00:32:01,160
Speaker 1: worth than I care about my look. I care a

674
00:32:01,240 --> 00:32:03,480
Speaker 1: lot about my look. So don't think that I do

675
00:32:03,560 --> 00:32:05,920
Speaker 1: not care. Okay, I live in l A. It's impossible

676
00:32:05,960 --> 00:32:09,280
Speaker 1: not to care. But I know the cycles that bring

677
00:32:09,360 --> 00:32:12,560
Speaker 1: me down. And one of them is trolling through Instagram

678
00:32:12,640 --> 00:32:15,520
Speaker 1: and looking and comparing yourself to other people. And the

679
00:32:15,560 --> 00:32:17,480
Speaker 1: other thing is looking in the mirror all the time.

680
00:32:17,520 --> 00:32:19,000
Speaker 1: Do you know many times I've been at lunch with

681
00:32:19,040 --> 00:32:23,320
Speaker 1: somebody and there's like a reflection or glass behind there

682
00:32:23,440 --> 00:32:25,560
Speaker 1: wall that I'm facing. I'll be sitting across from somebody

683
00:32:25,600 --> 00:32:27,920
Speaker 1: and they'll be glass or and I'll be sitting there

684
00:32:27,920 --> 00:32:30,200
Speaker 1: staring at myself, and then I have to realize, oh

685
00:32:30,240 --> 00:32:32,880
Speaker 1: my god, you're sucking at lunch and you're staring at yourself.

686
00:32:33,200 --> 00:32:35,520
Speaker 1: Could you be a big Like? There is no bigger

687
00:32:35,520 --> 00:32:38,920
Speaker 1: loser than that person, right, so you can't be that person.

688
00:32:39,080 --> 00:32:40,520
Speaker 1: You know, we're not in the business of looking at

689
00:32:40,520 --> 00:32:42,040
Speaker 1: ourselves in the mirror all day long. That was for

690
00:32:42,120 --> 00:32:43,920
Speaker 1: when we were little girls growing up and we had

691
00:32:43,960 --> 00:32:46,160
Speaker 1: nothing better to do. So you have to get rid

692
00:32:46,200 --> 00:32:48,120
Speaker 1: of those habits. A they're not helpful, you know what

693
00:32:48,120 --> 00:32:50,320
Speaker 1: I mean. You should limit your time to Instagram for

694
00:32:50,360 --> 00:32:52,760
Speaker 1: a few you know, for whatever is a reasonable amount

695
00:32:52,760 --> 00:32:54,200
Speaker 1: of time for you, And you should try and get

696
00:32:54,200 --> 00:32:55,760
Speaker 1: out of the habit of like staying too long in

697
00:32:55,840 --> 00:32:57,320
Speaker 1: front of the mirror, even if it's in the morning

698
00:32:57,360 --> 00:33:02,640
Speaker 1: or you're getting ready. You're totally horrible. You're pretty, you're beautify,

699
00:33:02,720 --> 00:33:04,600
Speaker 1: like you have I don't know what you're talking You're

700
00:33:04,640 --> 00:33:07,440
Speaker 1: like making a problem where there is none. Well, it's

701
00:33:07,480 --> 00:33:08,760
Speaker 1: the most part of the reason I don't want to

702
00:33:08,760 --> 00:33:10,480
Speaker 1: talk about it is because I feel like it can

703
00:33:10,720 --> 00:33:13,320
Speaker 1: come off as like fishing for compliments, and then people

704
00:33:13,360 --> 00:33:15,560
Speaker 1: are like, oh, what are you talking about? But I

705
00:33:15,560 --> 00:33:18,200
Speaker 1: feel like it's like a deeper issue than that. I mean,

706
00:33:18,240 --> 00:33:21,280
Speaker 1: I appreciate it, thank you. I just it's uncomfortable to

707
00:33:21,320 --> 00:33:24,520
Speaker 1: hear when we're telling you. I'm sure there are there

708
00:33:24,520 --> 00:33:26,160
Speaker 1: are these things that when people are doing it's like

709
00:33:26,480 --> 00:33:28,520
Speaker 1: it's so hard to see yourself the way someone else

710
00:33:28,520 --> 00:33:32,160
Speaker 1: sees you, and so then when you're going through it,

711
00:33:32,160 --> 00:33:34,080
Speaker 1: it's like you don't want to vocalize it because you

712
00:33:34,120 --> 00:33:37,400
Speaker 1: know someone would kill to look like you. Yeah, it's

713
00:33:37,400 --> 00:33:40,240
Speaker 1: just just strange. But and it's okay, it's okay to

714
00:33:40,440 --> 00:33:42,480
Speaker 1: acknowledge it. But you also have to accept it that

715
00:33:42,800 --> 00:33:46,440
Speaker 1: we can never look like someone else. So comparing yourself

716
00:33:46,440 --> 00:33:48,360
Speaker 1: to someone is a dead end, Like you're never going

717
00:33:48,400 --> 00:33:51,200
Speaker 1: to fulfill yourself that way, So you have to look

718
00:33:51,240 --> 00:33:54,280
Speaker 1: at what else you're contributing to society as a person,

719
00:33:54,360 --> 00:33:56,520
Speaker 1: Like maybe you have a killer sense of humor. There's

720
00:33:56,520 --> 00:33:58,160
Speaker 1: so much more to you than your looks, and you

721
00:33:58,200 --> 00:34:00,719
Speaker 1: already have great looks. So it's also it's also like

722
00:34:00,920 --> 00:34:04,280
Speaker 1: you think I exude confidence, Okay, Like I am very

723
00:34:04,320 --> 00:34:06,520
Speaker 1: confident about myself, and I think, like you have to

724
00:34:06,600 --> 00:34:11,080
Speaker 1: really focus on what your where your confidence is coming from? Right?

725
00:34:11,120 --> 00:34:13,600
Speaker 1: Where are you getting your confidence from? From your job,

726
00:34:13,840 --> 00:34:17,279
Speaker 1: from your family, from your friends? Right? Where is it

727
00:34:17,280 --> 00:34:19,759
Speaker 1: coming from? I mean I guess my friends, Like my

728
00:34:19,840 --> 00:34:22,000
Speaker 1: friends are you know, they're the people that hypen me

729
00:34:22,080 --> 00:34:23,880
Speaker 1: up the most, and they're like the most important thing

730
00:34:23,920 --> 00:34:27,239
Speaker 1: to me so, and what are the people I care about? Right? Right?

731
00:34:27,239 --> 00:34:30,160
Speaker 1: But you don't have to care. That's not your confidence, though,

732
00:34:30,560 --> 00:34:33,000
Speaker 1: where are you getting your self esteem from? Like you

733
00:34:33,000 --> 00:34:34,840
Speaker 1: could get self esteem from some of your friends, but

734
00:34:34,920 --> 00:34:37,640
Speaker 1: like where is your self worth coming from? You know?

735
00:34:37,760 --> 00:34:41,799
Speaker 1: How do you think about yourself? I guess my personality,

736
00:34:42,000 --> 00:34:43,600
Speaker 1: Like that's what I think I bring to the table

737
00:34:43,600 --> 00:34:45,160
Speaker 1: when I meet people. And that's when I think I

738
00:34:45,239 --> 00:34:49,200
Speaker 1: bring to the table when I am out and about right,

739
00:34:49,239 --> 00:34:52,280
Speaker 1: And that's well, that's plenty. I mean your personality alone,

740
00:34:52,320 --> 00:34:54,040
Speaker 1: like if you know you're adding to the mix when

741
00:34:54,040 --> 00:34:56,400
Speaker 1: you show up somewhere or that like your friend group

742
00:34:56,440 --> 00:34:58,279
Speaker 1: is going to have more fun once you get there.

743
00:34:58,400 --> 00:35:00,400
Speaker 1: Like that's a lot to be confident about. Do you

744
00:35:00,400 --> 00:35:02,160
Speaker 1: know what the fucking worst thing in the world is

745
00:35:02,160 --> 00:35:04,520
Speaker 1: is going to like a dinner or happy hour with

746
00:35:04,680 --> 00:35:07,960
Speaker 1: people who are beautiful but fucking duds and that's all

747
00:35:08,000 --> 00:35:10,120
Speaker 1: that's all of l A. You'll go and this, like

748
00:35:10,160 --> 00:35:11,879
Speaker 1: I do it to myself all the time. You'll show

749
00:35:11,960 --> 00:35:14,160
Speaker 1: up and there's this like beautiful gay guy sitting next

750
00:35:14,160 --> 00:35:15,600
Speaker 1: to me, and I'm like, what I would I would

751
00:35:15,960 --> 00:35:17,560
Speaker 1: kill to look like you. But he doesn't have a

752
00:35:17,640 --> 00:35:20,760
Speaker 1: thing to say. He's not cracking one joke, he's contributing nothing.

753
00:35:21,400 --> 00:35:24,319
Speaker 1: Why is that an issue? Because everything that we use

754
00:35:24,400 --> 00:35:27,520
Speaker 1: to measure ourselves right now is based on a photo online,

755
00:35:27,800 --> 00:35:30,239
Speaker 1: So we can't tell what sort of personality someone has.

756
00:35:30,960 --> 00:35:34,080
Speaker 1: You know what started TikTok? You'll probably shine there because

757
00:35:34,080 --> 00:35:36,560
Speaker 1: it's a video where someone can see your personality. I

758
00:35:36,560 --> 00:35:38,200
Speaker 1: know that that's true because my friends we call it

759
00:35:38,239 --> 00:35:41,280
Speaker 1: like hot girl syndrome, because if you grew up beautiful,

760
00:35:41,280 --> 00:35:43,600
Speaker 1: if you were always like a pretty person, if you

761
00:35:43,640 --> 00:35:46,400
Speaker 1: were never bullied in middle school, you never had to

762
00:35:46,520 --> 00:35:49,839
Speaker 1: like develop a personality to fight your way through it,

763
00:35:50,320 --> 00:35:53,360
Speaker 1: and they like get away with things that normal people can't.

764
00:35:53,560 --> 00:35:55,160
Speaker 1: Like we'll be at the bar and we'll be like

765
00:35:55,160 --> 00:35:56,879
Speaker 1: can we please come in? And they'll be like no,

766
00:35:57,480 --> 00:35:59,239
Speaker 1: And then our beautiful friend will be like, hi, can

767
00:35:59,280 --> 00:36:02,080
Speaker 1: me and my seven friends come in? And they're like,

768
00:36:02,120 --> 00:36:04,880
Speaker 1: of course, please come in. Like we'll roll out the

769
00:36:04,880 --> 00:36:07,239
Speaker 1: red carpet and it's just I don't know, like it's

770
00:36:07,640 --> 00:36:10,040
Speaker 1: but you should see that for what it is, right Like,

771
00:36:10,120 --> 00:36:12,439
Speaker 1: So that's her advantage in life, right, So she gets

772
00:36:12,480 --> 00:36:14,239
Speaker 1: to get all of her girlfriends into a bar and

773
00:36:14,280 --> 00:36:17,319
Speaker 1: that's her advantage. Your advantage may not be that, but

774
00:36:17,440 --> 00:36:20,120
Speaker 1: you've still got something that she doesn't have. And it's

775
00:36:20,120 --> 00:36:22,239
Speaker 1: not all about that, you know what I mean, Like

776
00:36:22,360 --> 00:36:25,160
Speaker 1: it really isn't everybody who's like so hung up on

777
00:36:25,239 --> 00:36:27,680
Speaker 1: how beautiful they are or how they can be more beautiful.

778
00:36:27,840 --> 00:36:30,239
Speaker 1: Guess what, unless you're willing to get plastic surgery, you're

779
00:36:30,280 --> 00:36:32,480
Speaker 1: not going to be able to change your face. You know,

780
00:36:32,800 --> 00:36:34,640
Speaker 1: if you want to look like a Kardashian, you could

781
00:36:34,680 --> 00:36:38,080
Speaker 1: surgically look like that. But like, I think confidence comes

782
00:36:38,080 --> 00:36:40,160
Speaker 1: from a lot more than just the way you look.

783
00:36:40,280 --> 00:36:43,319
Speaker 1: So you should dig into the reasons or the circumstances

784
00:36:43,320 --> 00:36:47,240
Speaker 1: where you do feel confident and remember what those were about. Yeah,

785
00:36:47,480 --> 00:36:49,000
Speaker 1: you know, I don't know. I do feel like it's

786
00:36:49,440 --> 00:36:52,120
Speaker 1: challenging because I do, like I think it is different

787
00:36:52,120 --> 00:36:53,960
Speaker 1: for women than it is for men, and I think

788
00:36:54,000 --> 00:36:58,759
Speaker 1: that's fucking ship. Yeah, and I mean it is. I

789
00:36:58,760 --> 00:37:02,000
Speaker 1: feel like it's so obvious that like your looks as

790
00:37:02,000 --> 00:37:06,480
Speaker 1: a woman impact your time in business in relationships, Like

791
00:37:06,520 --> 00:37:08,239
Speaker 1: it just that's just the way it is, and I

792
00:37:08,280 --> 00:37:10,600
Speaker 1: wish it wasn't that way. I wish it was all personality.

793
00:37:10,640 --> 00:37:13,480
Speaker 1: But like the way you look does matter so much?

794
00:37:13,480 --> 00:37:15,880
Speaker 1: And I I mean you obviously know that living in

795
00:37:16,080 --> 00:37:18,680
Speaker 1: l A. But like, I think that's another reason where

796
00:37:18,760 --> 00:37:20,840
Speaker 1: when people are like, oh, just get over it, or

797
00:37:21,080 --> 00:37:23,360
Speaker 1: you're pretty enough, and then it's like, well, but it

798
00:37:23,400 --> 00:37:26,040
Speaker 1: does matter because it's so clear like in everyday life

799
00:37:26,040 --> 00:37:29,000
Speaker 1: that pretty people get treated even better. Yeah, but you're

800
00:37:29,160 --> 00:37:32,680
Speaker 1: still arguing about something that you can't change, right, I mean,

801
00:37:32,800 --> 00:37:35,279
Speaker 1: you are the way you are you're I mean, which

802
00:37:35,320 --> 00:37:38,120
Speaker 1: again is like you are a beautiful which is pretty. Yeah,

803
00:37:38,160 --> 00:37:40,160
Speaker 1: so you are the way that you are. So like

804
00:37:40,480 --> 00:37:42,560
Speaker 1: it's like you're saying like, okay, So it's like me

805
00:37:42,640 --> 00:37:45,760
Speaker 1: sitting here and going, God, I wish I had more money,

806
00:37:45,920 --> 00:37:48,040
Speaker 1: more money, more money, more money. Look at that person,

807
00:37:48,040 --> 00:37:49,640
Speaker 1: look at that person. I want more money. I want

808
00:37:49,640 --> 00:37:51,759
Speaker 1: more money. I want more money. It's like, well, no,

809
00:37:51,880 --> 00:37:53,480
Speaker 1: that's not a good example because if you really wanted

810
00:37:53,520 --> 00:37:55,000
Speaker 1: the money, I would go after you know what I

811
00:37:55,040 --> 00:37:58,960
Speaker 1: mean that example, and I'm making that like everyone has

812
00:37:59,000 --> 00:38:02,040
Speaker 1: something else and that it's not always obtainable. So yeah,

813
00:38:02,120 --> 00:38:04,520
Speaker 1: maybe the money thing for you would be accessible, but

814
00:38:04,600 --> 00:38:06,520
Speaker 1: maybe there's a role that you wanted or a show

815
00:38:06,640 --> 00:38:09,960
Speaker 1: or something that you couldn't get that does not diminish

816
00:38:10,000 --> 00:38:13,680
Speaker 1: what you do have. Right, So that very very kind

817
00:38:13,719 --> 00:38:17,200
Speaker 1: of like corny saying of not focusing, like, don't focus

818
00:38:17,239 --> 00:38:19,480
Speaker 1: on what you don't have, focus on what you do have,

819
00:38:20,000 --> 00:38:23,560
Speaker 1: is actually very meaningful to me. I always do that

820
00:38:23,640 --> 00:38:26,000
Speaker 1: whenever I get in any sort of negative rut. I'm like,

821
00:38:26,120 --> 00:38:29,399
Speaker 1: just focus on what you have and what you can

822
00:38:29,440 --> 00:38:32,720
Speaker 1: offer and who you are. Why are you different than everyone?

823
00:38:32,800 --> 00:38:34,400
Speaker 1: Which you are? You know what I mean, You're a

824
00:38:34,480 --> 00:38:38,399
Speaker 1: unique person. So yeah, our self worth is like it's

825
00:38:38,440 --> 00:38:41,520
Speaker 1: it's almost like you're allowing it to be dictated to you, right,

826
00:38:41,800 --> 00:38:45,200
Speaker 1: You're allowing the men in charge to tell you that

827
00:38:45,280 --> 00:38:47,600
Speaker 1: this girl is prettier because you see her on your feet,

828
00:38:47,680 --> 00:38:50,400
Speaker 1: or this girl's prettier, that girl's prettier. You're running a

829
00:38:50,480 --> 00:38:56,239
Speaker 1: race that you can't win. Yeah, you know, so find

830
00:38:56,280 --> 00:38:59,200
Speaker 1: that thing. It's a skill, a talent, maybe it's something

831
00:38:59,200 --> 00:39:02,120
Speaker 1: that you have, like baking, whatever that is. Like, again,

832
00:39:02,320 --> 00:39:05,520
Speaker 1: it's hard to quantify on Instagram how good you're going

833
00:39:05,520 --> 00:39:07,920
Speaker 1: to feel about yourself in that way, but those little

834
00:39:07,960 --> 00:39:10,640
Speaker 1: things a personality is way more important to me than

835
00:39:10,680 --> 00:39:13,000
Speaker 1: looks at this point in every person. But it gives

836
00:39:13,000 --> 00:39:15,760
Speaker 1: you an inherent sense of confidence. When you find whatever

837
00:39:15,800 --> 00:39:18,239
Speaker 1: that is that you're really great or that you really love,

838
00:39:18,520 --> 00:39:21,680
Speaker 1: you'll realize it's less about your looks because you were

839
00:39:21,680 --> 00:39:24,080
Speaker 1: just looking for something to give you that confidence boost.

840
00:39:24,760 --> 00:39:26,320
Speaker 1: And then you realize, oh, I was investing energy in

841
00:39:26,360 --> 00:39:27,759
Speaker 1: this wrong thing. Like think of all this time and

842
00:39:27,840 --> 00:39:30,720
Speaker 1: energy you're putting into wishing you look like this person.

843
00:39:30,840 --> 00:39:33,560
Speaker 1: So this person might like you, take that energy invested

844
00:39:33,600 --> 00:39:36,480
Speaker 1: into something that you can physically put your finger on

845
00:39:36,520 --> 00:39:38,879
Speaker 1: that like, oh this makes me feel good and other

846
00:39:38,920 --> 00:39:40,800
Speaker 1: people appreciate it, and you're gonna realize like, oh, I

847
00:39:40,800 --> 00:39:42,520
Speaker 1: actually don't care that much that I don't look like

848
00:39:42,560 --> 00:39:47,160
Speaker 1: this woman. Yeah, that's really great advice. Well, it's true.

849
00:39:47,200 --> 00:39:49,279
Speaker 1: It's just like find something. I'm doing that right now.

850
00:39:49,320 --> 00:39:51,759
Speaker 1: It's hard. And pat yourself on the back every time

851
00:39:51,800 --> 00:39:53,759
Speaker 1: you do. Add something like you know, if you have

852
00:39:53,760 --> 00:39:55,759
Speaker 1: a good time with your girlfriends and you were a

853
00:39:55,800 --> 00:39:57,839
Speaker 1: big part of that, you know, go like way to go.

854
00:39:57,960 --> 00:40:00,960
Speaker 1: You know, like remember to tell yourself why you're valuable?

855
00:40:01,200 --> 00:40:05,400
Speaker 1: Do you work? I just graduated college, so I'm congratulations.

856
00:40:05,800 --> 00:40:09,120
Speaker 1: That's also awesome that you just graduated college. Give yourself

857
00:40:09,120 --> 00:40:10,640
Speaker 1: about on the back for that girl. I didn't even

858
00:40:10,640 --> 00:40:12,480
Speaker 1: get that far, which means you have a lot of

859
00:40:12,800 --> 00:40:16,319
Speaker 1: time to figure it out. Everything seems like imminent right now,

860
00:40:16,320 --> 00:40:18,560
Speaker 1: like I have to figure this out. It's not. There's

861
00:40:18,719 --> 00:40:20,960
Speaker 1: a lot of time left. Yeah, but you know, it

862
00:40:21,080 --> 00:40:23,719
Speaker 1: is an inside job, like your confidence is up to you.

863
00:40:23,880 --> 00:40:26,640
Speaker 1: It's an inside job. As my psychiatrist Dan always tells me,

864
00:40:26,680 --> 00:40:29,759
Speaker 1: everything is like it's whatever mental story you're going to

865
00:40:29,840 --> 00:40:32,239
Speaker 1: tell yourself every single day, and you have to get

866
00:40:32,280 --> 00:40:35,040
Speaker 1: into the habit of telling yourself why you're valuable and

867
00:40:35,080 --> 00:40:39,480
Speaker 1: that it's not dependent on your looks. It's not all physical.

868
00:40:40,400 --> 00:40:42,239
Speaker 1: It's such a minor part. It seems like it's the

869
00:40:42,239 --> 00:40:46,120
Speaker 1: only part, but it's not. Yeah, it's not just the celebrity.

870
00:40:46,160 --> 00:40:48,160
Speaker 1: Is like, I can't help but compare myself to my friends.

871
00:40:48,840 --> 00:40:51,120
Speaker 1: But remember everyone is doing that. So someone is doing

872
00:40:51,160 --> 00:40:54,000
Speaker 1: that to you. Someone you're encountering throughout your day is saying,

873
00:40:54,000 --> 00:40:55,320
Speaker 1: like I wish I looked like that girl, Like I

874
00:40:55,360 --> 00:40:57,400
Speaker 1: wish I had her laugh her teeth. Whatever it is,

875
00:40:58,800 --> 00:41:03,000
Speaker 1: it is a constant, revolving wheel of comparisons. Do you

876
00:41:03,000 --> 00:41:07,080
Speaker 1: have a sister? I do I have an older sister? Okay,

877
00:41:07,120 --> 00:41:14,120
Speaker 1: are you guys tight? No? Okay. I was just gonna say, like,

878
00:41:14,239 --> 00:41:17,600
Speaker 1: when I get a little distracted by like what's important

879
00:41:17,600 --> 00:41:20,600
Speaker 1: and what isn't, I remind myself to think about if

880
00:41:20,640 --> 00:41:23,360
Speaker 1: I would allow this to happen to my sister. Would

881
00:41:23,360 --> 00:41:25,400
Speaker 1: I allow my sister to go through the day beating

882
00:41:25,440 --> 00:41:28,160
Speaker 1: herself up about her looks? No, I wouldn't. So I

883
00:41:28,160 --> 00:41:29,799
Speaker 1: was going to say to you to think of someone

884
00:41:29,840 --> 00:41:31,759
Speaker 1: in your life that you really care about and how

885
00:41:31,760 --> 00:41:33,759
Speaker 1: you would feel if they were treating themselves like this,

886
00:41:34,880 --> 00:41:39,120
Speaker 1: like a daughter or a niece or you know, someone's friend, Yeah,

887
00:41:39,200 --> 00:41:41,320
Speaker 1: one of your best friends. Like, you don't want anyone

888
00:41:41,360 --> 00:41:42,920
Speaker 1: to feel this way. You don't want you want to

889
00:41:42,960 --> 00:41:45,520
Speaker 1: be empowered and emboldened as a woman and as an

890
00:41:45,520 --> 00:41:49,480
Speaker 1: example for other women in your life. Right, I mean

891
00:41:49,480 --> 00:41:51,640
Speaker 1: it is true. Like also, personality effects so much of

892
00:41:51,680 --> 00:41:54,120
Speaker 1: what you see as beautiful people, because if someone's beautiful

893
00:41:54,160 --> 00:41:56,040
Speaker 1: and they're a shitty person, you don't think that they're

894
00:41:56,040 --> 00:41:58,279
Speaker 1: attractive anymore exactly. And let me tell you, if you

895
00:41:58,320 --> 00:42:00,480
Speaker 1: had a confidence to walk up to that ouncer or

896
00:42:00,520 --> 00:42:03,640
Speaker 1: security at the bar with an authority like you were

897
00:42:03,680 --> 00:42:05,640
Speaker 1: going to get in, he probably would have let you in.

898
00:42:05,719 --> 00:42:07,680
Speaker 1: It's just like that Amy Shumor movie. Like, it's all

899
00:42:07,680 --> 00:42:09,759
Speaker 1: about your perception. So if you come off like no,

900
00:42:09,840 --> 00:42:11,759
Speaker 1: I'm like I am hot, I look fucking hot, I

901
00:42:11,760 --> 00:42:14,360
Speaker 1: feel hot, Like that's what people are going to see.

902
00:42:14,440 --> 00:42:17,239
Speaker 1: When you're perceiving yourself in a certain way, it can

903
00:42:17,440 --> 00:42:20,040
Speaker 1: challenge what people think of you because it's just the

904
00:42:20,120 --> 00:42:24,040
Speaker 1: energy you're putting off. So go into tomorrow with a

905
00:42:24,080 --> 00:42:26,160
Speaker 1: different mentality of how you're going to look at yourself

906
00:42:26,160 --> 00:42:29,399
Speaker 1: in the mirror through other people's lenses, and I'm sure

907
00:42:29,480 --> 00:42:36,359
Speaker 1: you're going to see an adjustment. Yeah, like confidence is hot. Yeah, thing,

908
00:42:36,560 --> 00:42:39,080
Speaker 1: So grab onto that. Write a fucking note to yourself.

909
00:42:39,120 --> 00:42:40,880
Speaker 1: Put confidence right next to your nightstand, so when you

910
00:42:40,920 --> 00:42:43,160
Speaker 1: wake up every morning, you're like, okay, copy that and

911
00:42:43,160 --> 00:42:46,120
Speaker 1: then carry it around with you. All right, I'll put

912
00:42:46,120 --> 00:42:49,520
Speaker 1: it on my mirror. Yeah yeah, put it on your mirror. Yeah,

913
00:42:49,600 --> 00:42:50,960
Speaker 1: with a picture of me next to it with a

914
00:42:51,000 --> 00:42:54,200
Speaker 1: thumbs up. Yeah, that's what I'll put that. I love that.

915
00:42:54,280 --> 00:42:57,520
Speaker 1: I'll see that every day. Yeah yeah, and then remember confidence.

916
00:42:57,680 --> 00:42:59,960
Speaker 1: Report back, Charlotte. Let us know how it's going. Well,

917
00:43:01,040 --> 00:43:05,919
Speaker 1: do you have a boyfriend? No, Okay, I don't want that. Okay,

918
00:43:06,120 --> 00:43:10,840
Speaker 1: you don't. Well, that that's confidence right there. There you go? Okay,

919
00:43:10,840 --> 00:43:13,400
Speaker 1: all right by Charlotte. Problem, thank you so much. This

920
00:43:13,480 --> 00:43:17,759
Speaker 1: was so great by Charlotte. Fine, she was cute. Yeah,

921
00:43:18,080 --> 00:43:24,680
Speaker 1: another cutie, Petuti. The confidence issues that people place on

922
00:43:24,719 --> 00:43:29,239
Speaker 1: the very pervasive issue, and especially like younger girls, it's

923
00:43:29,400 --> 00:43:31,640
Speaker 1: real bad out there. Huh. Aren't you so glad that

924
00:43:31,680 --> 00:43:35,279
Speaker 1: you didn't grow up with social media? So glad I

925
00:43:35,320 --> 00:43:37,919
Speaker 1: don't have a child. I am so glad I don't

926
00:43:37,960 --> 00:43:41,759
Speaker 1: have a daughter that needs to be raised or that

927
00:43:41,840 --> 00:43:45,360
Speaker 1: needs confidence instilled in her, or that I have to

928
00:43:45,400 --> 00:43:48,800
Speaker 1: watch a girl like go through heartbreak or I couldn't.

929
00:43:49,040 --> 00:43:51,200
Speaker 1: When do you feel your most confident? I don't know.

930
00:43:51,680 --> 00:43:55,760
Speaker 1: Actually have multiple parts that, like when do you feel sexist? Well,

931
00:43:55,920 --> 00:43:57,960
Speaker 1: I mean it helps to be like in hair and makeup,

932
00:43:58,080 --> 00:44:00,439
Speaker 1: you know, like an out and about in a nice

933
00:44:00,480 --> 00:44:02,680
Speaker 1: outfit and like where you're dressed up. You know, I'm

934
00:44:02,680 --> 00:44:04,839
Speaker 1: not gonna get dressed up on my own. So that's

935
00:44:04,840 --> 00:44:06,799
Speaker 1: half the time. I feel the most confident when I'm

936
00:44:06,840 --> 00:44:08,520
Speaker 1: working and I have to be in hair and makeup

937
00:44:08,560 --> 00:44:12,480
Speaker 1: and I'm appearing on like a talk show or Okay,

938
00:44:12,480 --> 00:44:14,080
Speaker 1: but so let's split that up. Is that when you

939
00:44:14,120 --> 00:44:17,279
Speaker 1: feel your sexiest or most confident or do you feel

940
00:44:17,280 --> 00:44:19,600
Speaker 1: like those are one and the same, because that's women

941
00:44:19,640 --> 00:44:21,840
Speaker 1: are conditioned to believe that they're most confident should be

942
00:44:21,880 --> 00:44:24,520
Speaker 1: when they feel the sexiest. There's so many perspectives to

943
00:44:24,560 --> 00:44:26,520
Speaker 1: take on this, but yeah, I'm sure that the hair

944
00:44:26,520 --> 00:44:28,759
Speaker 1: and makeup, you do feel sexy because you feel put together,

945
00:44:28,880 --> 00:44:32,040
Speaker 1: you feel presentable. Some women feel I feel sexy when

946
00:44:32,040 --> 00:44:34,960
Speaker 1: I'm having sex. That's what I feel sexy, and I'm

947
00:44:35,040 --> 00:44:38,040
Speaker 1: having sex with somebody that's sexy, and I feel like,

948
00:44:38,320 --> 00:44:41,360
Speaker 1: not to put a man's perspective on what you feel,

949
00:44:41,719 --> 00:44:44,000
Speaker 1: but there's a certain confidence I see in you. When

950
00:44:44,000 --> 00:44:47,080
Speaker 1: you're skiing and you're completely covered, you can't see any

951
00:44:47,120 --> 00:44:50,040
Speaker 1: part of your body, but you are on the mountain.

952
00:44:50,080 --> 00:44:52,120
Speaker 1: There is like a confidence that I see in you

953
00:44:52,200 --> 00:44:55,160
Speaker 1: that you know that you can do anything. You're willing

954
00:44:55,160 --> 00:44:59,080
Speaker 1: to try anything. Thank you, Brandon, You're welcome. That's what

955
00:44:59,160 --> 00:45:01,080
Speaker 1: I was saying. Surely I've like there's a skill or

956
00:45:01,120 --> 00:45:03,480
Speaker 1: a talent, or there's there's so many other ways to

957
00:45:03,760 --> 00:45:08,200
Speaker 1: feel feel sex, to feel confident, feel like you have

958
00:45:08,360 --> 00:45:12,080
Speaker 1: something of value or worth well. I think competence is

959
00:45:12,520 --> 00:45:16,080
Speaker 1: has a lot to do with confidence. You know, for women,

960
00:45:16,719 --> 00:45:19,239
Speaker 1: it's like when we feel competent in an area, we

961
00:45:19,320 --> 00:45:22,719
Speaker 1: feel very confident in that area, whereas men feel competent

962
00:45:22,920 --> 00:45:26,120
Speaker 1: and confident when they shouldn't most of the time. Yeah,

963
00:45:26,239 --> 00:45:29,719
Speaker 1: so I think women it's a game, because it's not

964
00:45:29,800 --> 00:45:32,399
Speaker 1: a game. It's almost like there's been this number done

965
00:45:32,400 --> 00:45:34,640
Speaker 1: on all women, you know, believing that we have to

966
00:45:34,840 --> 00:45:37,320
Speaker 1: live up to these expectations. And I'm just as guilty

967
00:45:37,360 --> 00:45:39,800
Speaker 1: as the next girl for buying into all that ship.

968
00:45:39,880 --> 00:45:42,399
Speaker 1: So we do care a lot about the way we look.

969
00:45:42,440 --> 00:45:44,959
Speaker 1: I mean, when I see you stressing out about your looks,

970
00:45:44,960 --> 00:45:46,960
Speaker 1: it's funny to me, or like you know, your diet

971
00:45:47,080 --> 00:45:50,319
Speaker 1: or whatever. I'm like, oh my god, I can't believe that.

972
00:45:50,360 --> 00:45:52,600
Speaker 1: But gay men are just like women like with in

973
00:45:52,680 --> 00:45:54,600
Speaker 1: terms of their vani. I've been sitting here the entire

974
00:45:54,640 --> 00:45:57,239
Speaker 1: time we have been recording some of these to see

975
00:45:57,239 --> 00:45:59,919
Speaker 1: what it might look like for video, And there were

976
00:46:00,040 --> 00:46:01,840
Speaker 1: single frames of each of us, and there was a

977
00:46:01,880 --> 00:46:05,040
Speaker 1: shot of me and the cameras crystal clear, and I

978
00:46:05,120 --> 00:46:07,520
Speaker 1: hated that it's all been thinking about what about the shot?

979
00:46:07,640 --> 00:46:10,200
Speaker 1: Yeah right, oh yeah, Like it stresses me out just

980
00:46:10,200 --> 00:46:11,920
Speaker 1: thinking about like I don't want that single shot going

981
00:46:11,920 --> 00:46:14,279
Speaker 1: anywhere like I looked like ship, Yeah, well so did I.

982
00:46:14,400 --> 00:46:19,520
Speaker 1: So we're even. So we're both canall those so now

983
00:46:19,560 --> 00:46:23,080
Speaker 1: we'll do a double double shot. We don't like polaroids

984
00:46:23,080 --> 00:46:25,080
Speaker 1: being taken from now on because everyone looks good in

985
00:46:25,160 --> 00:46:28,400
Speaker 1: the polaroid. I like to look blown out, is what

986
00:46:28,480 --> 00:46:30,640
Speaker 1: I like to look. You're not blowing out like some

987
00:46:30,680 --> 00:46:32,759
Speaker 1: of these women with the filters where it's like where

988
00:46:32,800 --> 00:46:35,120
Speaker 1: do your eyes begin? In your cheeks? And none of

989
00:46:35,200 --> 00:46:38,719
Speaker 1: it makes sense. You're just a potato. That's who we

990
00:46:38,760 --> 00:46:41,279
Speaker 1: should have. Call in a potato, your little potato, Your

991
00:46:41,320 --> 00:46:45,680
Speaker 1: next potato. Potato is not gonna be a little potato anymore.

992
00:46:45,680 --> 00:46:47,200
Speaker 1: And he's not gonna sit in my lap next summer.

993
00:46:47,200 --> 00:46:50,240
Speaker 1: I bet it seems like he is. He's a sprouting potato.

994
00:46:50,560 --> 00:46:52,520
Speaker 1: He's going to be he's going to be an adolescent

995
00:46:52,560 --> 00:46:54,239
Speaker 1: potato suit and then it's going to be no more

996
00:46:54,280 --> 00:47:00,200
Speaker 1: funny stuff. How old is he? Twelve? Potato summer over?

997
00:47:01,280 --> 00:47:04,040
Speaker 1: Goodbye potato. And for those of you who don't know potato,

998
00:47:04,120 --> 00:47:06,600
Speaker 1: that's my nephew who I just got a very troubling

999
00:47:06,640 --> 00:47:09,600
Speaker 1: picture from my sister or my brother because it's his

1000
00:47:09,680 --> 00:47:12,840
Speaker 1: son where he looks like he's about fucking twenty five,

1001
00:47:13,040 --> 00:47:15,600
Speaker 1: and he was eleven last year and a baby and

1002
00:47:15,640 --> 00:47:18,600
Speaker 1: still sat on top of me. They hid an age

1003
00:47:18,640 --> 00:47:21,120
Speaker 1: where they will no longer sit with you in that way,

1004
00:47:21,280 --> 00:47:24,000
Speaker 1: and I missed it. It happened during COVID and I

1005
00:47:24,040 --> 00:47:26,719
Speaker 1: missed it. So that was my last baby. We have

1006
00:47:26,800 --> 00:47:28,640
Speaker 1: one other baby in the family, Russell, but he did

1007
00:47:28,760 --> 00:47:33,160
Speaker 1: never sits with me, So it's just like Burton Bernice

1008
00:47:33,160 --> 00:47:36,879
Speaker 1: all over again. All right, Well, we've gotten into quite

1009
00:47:36,920 --> 00:47:38,200
Speaker 1: a bit today, so why don't we take a quick

1010
00:47:38,200 --> 00:47:42,640
Speaker 1: break and we'll be right back. Okay, sounds good. Hello

1011
00:47:42,680 --> 00:47:46,080
Speaker 1: Sarah from West Virginia, age thirty four. She is an

1012
00:47:46,239 --> 00:47:51,319
Speaker 1: environmental biologist. She writes, Dear Chelsea, what advice do you

1013
00:47:51,360 --> 00:47:54,279
Speaker 1: have for people with social anxiety where you struggle with

1014
00:47:54,280 --> 00:47:56,640
Speaker 1: going out in public places, having to be a leader

1015
00:47:56,719 --> 00:47:58,920
Speaker 1: role at work, or working with people you don't know

1016
00:47:59,000 --> 00:48:02,319
Speaker 1: will or even in the case of healthy living, with

1017
00:48:02,400 --> 00:48:04,800
Speaker 1: having social anxiety, to go run or bike in public

1018
00:48:05,239 --> 00:48:08,440
Speaker 1: or even the gym. Sincerely, the anxiety chick who had

1019
00:48:08,440 --> 00:48:11,600
Speaker 1: anxiety readiness, I know that feeling. You know who else

1020
00:48:11,600 --> 00:48:14,839
Speaker 1: has this feeling combasing her she has terrible social anxiety.

1021
00:48:14,840 --> 00:48:17,440
Speaker 1: Oh yeah, yeah she does. She has a phobia of groups.

1022
00:48:17,560 --> 00:48:20,120
Speaker 1: You know, there's something called propanolol that's a beta blocker.

1023
00:48:20,360 --> 00:48:22,239
Speaker 1: You have to get a prescription from your doctor, but

1024
00:48:22,280 --> 00:48:24,680
Speaker 1: you should talk to your doctor about propan all or

1025
00:48:24,719 --> 00:48:27,399
Speaker 1: any other beta blocker because that will be the first

1026
00:48:27,400 --> 00:48:30,799
Speaker 1: step to you to kind of ease your nervousness, and

1027
00:48:30,840 --> 00:48:34,080
Speaker 1: it will just kind of like it just does something

1028
00:48:34,120 --> 00:48:36,400
Speaker 1: to your brain where it kind of blocks off the

1029
00:48:36,480 --> 00:48:39,160
Speaker 1: neurow pathways that send the message to your brain that

1030
00:48:39,200 --> 00:48:42,000
Speaker 1: you are going to be nervous. It stops that. However,

1031
00:48:42,040 --> 00:48:44,680
Speaker 1: your nervousness could present, like if you get dry mouth

1032
00:48:44,840 --> 00:48:47,320
Speaker 1: or you have shaky leg or whatever. There are multiple

1033
00:48:47,360 --> 00:48:49,520
Speaker 1: ways you should talk to your doctor about a beta

1034
00:48:49,520 --> 00:48:53,279
Speaker 1: blocker because that helps so many people. Taras on the phone,

1035
00:48:53,280 --> 00:48:58,880
Speaker 1: did you realize, sorry, sometimes forget people. Sometimes people are

1036
00:48:58,920 --> 00:49:02,440
Speaker 1: calling it. I was just in in listening, yeahstening. What

1037
00:49:02,600 --> 00:49:05,879
Speaker 1: state are you in, Sarah, West Virginia? So you guys

1038
00:49:05,960 --> 00:49:09,600
Speaker 1: don't have legalized cannabis there? We do not, Okay, So

1039
00:49:09,760 --> 00:49:11,400
Speaker 1: do you have a local GP that you can talk

1040
00:49:11,440 --> 00:49:13,920
Speaker 1: to about a beta blocker? I do, but I do

1041
00:49:14,160 --> 00:49:17,480
Speaker 1: take a maybe a beta block blocker. I take Zoloft,

1042
00:49:17,560 --> 00:49:21,040
Speaker 1: well that's for anxiety. All that's for depression, right, but

1043
00:49:21,320 --> 00:49:24,319
Speaker 1: to also take well Beautran for that, so it's a mix.

1044
00:49:24,520 --> 00:49:27,319
Speaker 1: So Zoloft and well Beautron though are for depression, both

1045
00:49:27,400 --> 00:49:29,319
Speaker 1: of them. So it is we're talking to your doctor

1046
00:49:29,400 --> 00:49:31,600
Speaker 1: about him prescribing you a beta blocker because I have

1047
00:49:31,760 --> 00:49:34,400
Speaker 1: heard some people have had not great side effects, like

1048
00:49:34,480 --> 00:49:37,000
Speaker 1: it kind of turns them into a zombie blah blah blah.

1049
00:49:37,200 --> 00:49:39,719
Speaker 1: For me, it's exactly what I needed. I had a

1050
00:49:39,760 --> 00:49:44,440
Speaker 1: shaky legs syndrome period, which was very weird and unsettling.

1051
00:49:44,560 --> 00:49:47,719
Speaker 1: Since I stand up for a fucking living, so I

1052
00:49:47,880 --> 00:49:50,000
Speaker 1: take Preparanto law before I go on stage. I take

1053
00:49:50,040 --> 00:49:52,239
Speaker 1: a half of one. I don't really need to take it,

1054
00:49:52,400 --> 00:49:55,560
Speaker 1: but I take it because it's an insurance policy for

1055
00:49:55,680 --> 00:49:57,320
Speaker 1: me that I'm not going to get. You know what.

1056
00:49:57,440 --> 00:50:00,520
Speaker 1: It also helps me with not talking so fast, because

1057
00:50:00,600 --> 00:50:03,879
Speaker 1: that is a big problem of mine, is talking where

1058
00:50:03,960 --> 00:50:08,520
Speaker 1: I'm winded and I have to slow it down. And

1059
00:50:08,600 --> 00:50:10,680
Speaker 1: I'm sure it's also very frustrating for the people that

1060
00:50:10,840 --> 00:50:14,160
Speaker 1: listen to this podcast when I talk fast. So my apologies.

1061
00:50:14,440 --> 00:50:16,880
Speaker 1: I am working on it, and please remember that we're

1062
00:50:16,920 --> 00:50:19,000
Speaker 1: not fucking doctors. I know I sound like one because

1063
00:50:19,000 --> 00:50:21,520
Speaker 1: I have a lot of medical experience in my own experience,

1064
00:50:21,800 --> 00:50:24,560
Speaker 1: and of course I'm illegally prescribing things to my friends

1065
00:50:24,600 --> 00:50:28,080
Speaker 1: and family. But you cannot listen to me and then say,

1066
00:50:28,200 --> 00:50:31,160
Speaker 1: Chelsea said, this was a great idea. You kind of

1067
00:50:31,239 --> 00:50:33,680
Speaker 1: have to talk to someone else in between that. So

1068
00:50:34,040 --> 00:50:36,239
Speaker 1: you know what I mean. You can't. You can't listen

1069
00:50:36,280 --> 00:50:39,600
Speaker 1: to me and go, I said, because there are people

1070
00:50:39,680 --> 00:50:41,640
Speaker 1: that will do that and I'm telling you not to.

1071
00:50:42,000 --> 00:50:44,600
Speaker 1: So if you're listening to this podcast, you must like me,

1072
00:50:44,880 --> 00:50:47,200
Speaker 1: right and want to listen to me. I mean, you

1073
00:50:47,280 --> 00:50:50,160
Speaker 1: know you don't have to listen to me, but seriously

1074
00:50:50,200 --> 00:50:53,600
Speaker 1: listen to me. For instance, I had very bad anxiety,

1075
00:50:54,239 --> 00:50:57,479
Speaker 1: and I took one pparental law before I publicly spoke

1076
00:50:57,560 --> 00:50:59,800
Speaker 1: for like a week. Then I took a half and

1077
00:51:00,040 --> 00:51:02,279
Speaker 1: out every once in a while, I take a half

1078
00:51:02,360 --> 00:51:04,000
Speaker 1: if I feel it, So you don't. You're not on

1079
00:51:04,120 --> 00:51:05,640
Speaker 1: it for a long period of time. But it's a

1080
00:51:05,719 --> 00:51:09,920
Speaker 1: good transitional prescription, I think, or something that takes the

1081
00:51:10,040 --> 00:51:12,520
Speaker 1: edge off. Well, you don't want to take the edge

1082
00:51:12,560 --> 00:51:14,600
Speaker 1: off too much, right, because you want to be there,

1083
00:51:15,160 --> 00:51:16,760
Speaker 1: So you want to kind of be able to conquer

1084
00:51:16,800 --> 00:51:20,640
Speaker 1: your anxiety without relying on too much medication, right, And

1085
00:51:20,760 --> 00:51:22,640
Speaker 1: it's not something that you feel in the way like

1086
00:51:22,840 --> 00:51:26,359
Speaker 1: having a cocktail or like an edible or canvas where

1087
00:51:26,400 --> 00:51:27,920
Speaker 1: you can feel it take the edge off when you

1088
00:51:28,040 --> 00:51:31,239
Speaker 1: take it. I've taken one before. I gave my partner one.

1089
00:51:31,320 --> 00:51:34,279
Speaker 1: He took it before officiating my sister's wedding. So it

1090
00:51:34,360 --> 00:51:36,480
Speaker 1: really just kind of puts you in a state where

1091
00:51:36,800 --> 00:51:38,920
Speaker 1: you don't even realize there's been a change, but your

1092
00:51:38,960 --> 00:51:41,040
Speaker 1: heart rates slower. You just feel a little bit easier

1093
00:51:41,080 --> 00:51:44,239
Speaker 1: in the situation. And yeah, and then I think, what

1094
00:51:44,480 --> 00:51:46,279
Speaker 1: what I would say to you is to try that

1095
00:51:46,600 --> 00:51:48,960
Speaker 1: for a while, and then you can all of a

1096
00:51:49,000 --> 00:51:51,520
Speaker 1: sudden just start parsing it in half. It's just about

1097
00:51:51,560 --> 00:51:56,080
Speaker 1: training your brain not to have that anxiety inducement. So, like,

1098
00:51:56,239 --> 00:51:59,320
Speaker 1: how does your anxiety present when you are anxious and

1099
00:51:59,360 --> 00:52:02,720
Speaker 1: you go to like a social gathering. My heart feels

1100
00:52:02,719 --> 00:52:04,480
Speaker 1: like it's going to be out of my chest A

1101
00:52:04,560 --> 00:52:06,759
Speaker 1: lot of times if I even go. That's the part

1102
00:52:06,880 --> 00:52:08,600
Speaker 1: right there. I usually just don't even go. I try

1103
00:52:08,640 --> 00:52:11,919
Speaker 1: to think of any excuse really, like oh, my cat

1104
00:52:12,200 --> 00:52:13,880
Speaker 1: is sick. I just try to think of excuses if

1105
00:52:13,880 --> 00:52:15,800
Speaker 1: I could even go. But all the time, it's sweating,

1106
00:52:16,280 --> 00:52:19,400
Speaker 1: always cracking, dread of like oh man, what if I

1107
00:52:19,480 --> 00:52:23,520
Speaker 1: say something wrong or bad or embarrassing? Yeah yeah, yeah yeah. Okay,

1108
00:52:23,560 --> 00:52:25,800
Speaker 1: So this is definitely gonna help you. So you do

1109
00:52:25,920 --> 00:52:27,279
Speaker 1: have a g P right that you can talk to

1110
00:52:27,360 --> 00:52:29,919
Speaker 1: about this? I do? Okay, okay, great? And what other

1111
00:52:30,160 --> 00:52:33,160
Speaker 1: tools do you have in your arsenal to combat anxiety?

1112
00:52:33,840 --> 00:52:36,400
Speaker 1: I try to have a lot of hobbies that seems

1113
00:52:36,440 --> 00:52:38,560
Speaker 1: to kind of help because it helps with like fidgeting

1114
00:52:38,640 --> 00:52:41,680
Speaker 1: or something softly waiting in a waiting room. I'm just like,

1115
00:52:41,800 --> 00:52:44,000
Speaker 1: you know, I'll just go and fidget with something, or

1116
00:52:44,200 --> 00:52:46,319
Speaker 1: I'll do a puzzle, you know, just like little brain

1117
00:52:46,400 --> 00:52:48,719
Speaker 1: game type things that just keeps my mind busy. But

1118
00:52:48,840 --> 00:52:51,560
Speaker 1: really that's my main outlet. And do you meditate or

1119
00:52:51,560 --> 00:52:54,520
Speaker 1: anything like that? I do not. Well, then there you go.

1120
00:52:54,840 --> 00:52:56,480
Speaker 1: That's another thing you can do that's going to help

1121
00:52:56,520 --> 00:52:59,200
Speaker 1: you right away. If you start, like go onto headspace,

1122
00:52:59,360 --> 00:53:01,319
Speaker 1: or go on a call whoseever voice you like better,

1123
00:53:01,880 --> 00:53:04,680
Speaker 1: and or go onto like Deepak Chopra one of these apps.

1124
00:53:04,760 --> 00:53:08,600
Speaker 1: It sounds annoying, but it helps calm your brain down.

1125
00:53:08,960 --> 00:53:14,000
Speaker 1: So meditation as an elixir to anxiety works for sure.

1126
00:53:14,360 --> 00:53:16,200
Speaker 1: First of all, you should get into the practice of meditating,

1127
00:53:16,200 --> 00:53:18,760
Speaker 1: because no one's ever started meditating and then said that sucked,

1128
00:53:19,120 --> 00:53:21,799
Speaker 1: I'm worse. No one says that. So if you can

1129
00:53:21,840 --> 00:53:24,320
Speaker 1: get into the habit, just try five minutes, three minutes,

1130
00:53:24,520 --> 00:53:27,240
Speaker 1: little times every morning. Just get into the habit of meditation.

1131
00:53:27,239 --> 00:53:29,120
Speaker 1: It doesn't matter how long you do it for, and

1132
00:53:29,280 --> 00:53:32,600
Speaker 1: then use it because there are specific ones on all

1133
00:53:32,640 --> 00:53:34,920
Speaker 1: of these apps. If it's for anxiety, if it's for

1134
00:53:35,080 --> 00:53:37,600
Speaker 1: going into a social environment, if it's for and you

1135
00:53:37,840 --> 00:53:40,359
Speaker 1: use that just to calm your breath down before you're

1136
00:53:40,520 --> 00:53:43,040
Speaker 1: entering one of these things that makes you nervous, to

1137
00:53:43,239 --> 00:53:45,920
Speaker 1: literally just take the time of breathing in and breathing

1138
00:53:45,920 --> 00:53:48,240
Speaker 1: out for three to five minutes on one of these apps,

1139
00:53:48,600 --> 00:53:51,879
Speaker 1: and that will help you immensely. Meditation is just that's

1140
00:53:51,920 --> 00:53:55,440
Speaker 1: exactly what it's for, is people with anxiety. It sounds

1141
00:53:55,480 --> 00:53:57,680
Speaker 1: great too, because it's more natural. You don't have to

1142
00:53:57,719 --> 00:54:00,879
Speaker 1: worry about relying on anything other than just like your

1143
00:54:00,920 --> 00:54:03,640
Speaker 1: inner self. Really, so that would be probably the best

1144
00:54:03,640 --> 00:54:05,640
Speaker 1: starter for me right now. Too. That sounds great. Yeah,

1145
00:54:05,680 --> 00:54:08,640
Speaker 1: And do you sleep well? I actually do sleep well

1146
00:54:08,719 --> 00:54:11,320
Speaker 1: until there's like a big event coming up. Then I

1147
00:54:11,440 --> 00:54:12,919
Speaker 1: just think about all the things that will go wrong,

1148
00:54:13,000 --> 00:54:14,920
Speaker 1: and then I won't sleep well, you know how dreams

1149
00:54:14,920 --> 00:54:18,239
Speaker 1: about it, things like that. What do you do for work, Sarah? So,

1150
00:54:18,480 --> 00:54:22,040
Speaker 1: I am an environmental consultant or a biologist, which means

1151
00:54:22,080 --> 00:54:24,719
Speaker 1: I go in catch, you know, endangered species and move

1152
00:54:24,800 --> 00:54:26,520
Speaker 1: them out of places. So if you wanted to build

1153
00:54:26,520 --> 00:54:28,799
Speaker 1: like a Walgreens or something, I would be in there

1154
00:54:29,160 --> 00:54:31,080
Speaker 1: and I would go, say the tortoise that was there,

1155
00:54:31,280 --> 00:54:33,800
Speaker 1: or I would net the bets that were there. You

1156
00:54:33,880 --> 00:54:36,200
Speaker 1: have venomous snakes, I'll remove your venomous snakes. I do

1157
00:54:36,360 --> 00:54:39,360
Speaker 1: things like that. So the venomous snakes are on the

1158
00:54:39,440 --> 00:54:42,080
Speaker 1: site that they're going to build the walgreens, her mind

1159
00:54:42,160 --> 00:54:45,400
Speaker 1: is only going to the snakes. Snakes. We're in West Virginia,

1160
00:54:45,719 --> 00:54:48,000
Speaker 1: you know it could happen. So you basically go and

1161
00:54:48,080 --> 00:54:50,120
Speaker 1: remove whatever's block. I mean, you're not going into a

1162
00:54:50,160 --> 00:54:53,960
Speaker 1: Walgreens and getting the venomous snake right there. It's like

1163
00:54:54,080 --> 00:54:57,399
Speaker 1: pre it's all pre construction. Okay, okay, yeah, So there's

1164
00:54:57,400 --> 00:55:00,279
Speaker 1: any type of threatening endangered species, we go pre was

1165
00:55:00,360 --> 00:55:03,280
Speaker 1: and I'll like mark all the tortoise burrows, so hopefully

1166
00:55:03,480 --> 00:55:05,520
Speaker 1: no one will. I'll scope it and make sure there's

1167
00:55:05,880 --> 00:55:07,840
Speaker 1: nobody home. If there is, we try to move it

1168
00:55:07,960 --> 00:55:10,800
Speaker 1: somewhere so it won't be destroyed or fun ways that

1169
00:55:10,960 --> 00:55:13,279
Speaker 1: they can go around it. Okay, So you know what

1170
00:55:13,400 --> 00:55:15,960
Speaker 1: another good thing is, because you seem very confident when

1171
00:55:15,960 --> 00:55:18,200
Speaker 1: you're talking about your work. When you're in a situation,

1172
00:55:18,280 --> 00:55:20,279
Speaker 1: a social situation, you should choose the things that you

1173
00:55:20,360 --> 00:55:23,319
Speaker 1: have the most confidence and competency about when you're talking

1174
00:55:23,360 --> 00:55:24,839
Speaker 1: to people, and that way you're not going to say

1175
00:55:24,840 --> 00:55:27,480
Speaker 1: anything stupid. You're gonna be talking about your work, which

1176
00:55:27,520 --> 00:55:30,320
Speaker 1: is very interesting. How often do we meet a biologists? Brandon?

1177
00:55:30,440 --> 00:55:34,279
Speaker 1: Never you our first? Yeah, well no, that's that's really smart.

1178
00:55:34,320 --> 00:55:36,960
Speaker 1: I've never even thoughts thank you. People love animals, So

1179
00:55:37,080 --> 00:55:38,840
Speaker 1: you can leverage this one thing that you know so

1180
00:55:38,960 --> 00:55:41,359
Speaker 1: much about. Who wants to turn down a conversation about

1181
00:55:41,400 --> 00:55:44,000
Speaker 1: sucking animals? Really nobody. Someone's got a cat video they

1182
00:55:44,040 --> 00:55:45,680
Speaker 1: want to show you, and if they do, they're a

1183
00:55:45,719 --> 00:55:48,000
Speaker 1: fucking asshole. Anyway, you don't want to be in that conversation.

1184
00:55:48,160 --> 00:55:50,279
Speaker 1: But there is a certain level, like I saw that

1185
00:55:50,360 --> 00:55:53,160
Speaker 1: immediately as soon as you start talking about work, that

1186
00:55:53,239 --> 00:55:56,840
Speaker 1: your demeanor kind of changed, that your voice changed, And

1187
00:55:57,280 --> 00:55:59,239
Speaker 1: so I'm sure that you have that inside of you,

1188
00:55:59,440 --> 00:56:03,200
Speaker 1: that level of confidence with things outside of maybe your

1189
00:56:03,640 --> 00:56:07,080
Speaker 1: purview or your interests. But also so much of a

1190
00:56:07,160 --> 00:56:09,959
Speaker 1: conversation or an interaction with people is listening. Most people

1191
00:56:10,000 --> 00:56:11,799
Speaker 1: want to talk about themselves, so you can just let

1192
00:56:11,840 --> 00:56:14,239
Speaker 1: that conversation go. People won't shut the funk up, so

1193
00:56:14,360 --> 00:56:16,000
Speaker 1: you can just be there and listen, nod your head.

1194
00:56:16,480 --> 00:56:19,239
Speaker 1: It relieves the pressure from you. And one thing that

1195
00:56:19,280 --> 00:56:21,600
Speaker 1: I used to do because I had like group anxiety,

1196
00:56:21,920 --> 00:56:24,759
Speaker 1: is I would go and introduce myself to everybody, and

1197
00:56:24,840 --> 00:56:26,640
Speaker 1: it gave me like a sense of control where it

1198
00:56:26,800 --> 00:56:28,319
Speaker 1: was like you just made this space. It was like, oh,

1199
00:56:28,360 --> 00:56:30,759
Speaker 1: that's so uncomfortable. It was really uncomfortable. But when I

1200
00:56:30,800 --> 00:56:33,080
Speaker 1: would go to a party, I would kind of retreat

1201
00:56:33,080 --> 00:56:35,040
Speaker 1: and like not talk to anyone or like only talk

1202
00:56:35,080 --> 00:56:36,440
Speaker 1: to who I came with. And as soon as I

1203
00:56:36,480 --> 00:56:40,080
Speaker 1: started forcing myself to like introduce myself or compliment someone

1204
00:56:40,160 --> 00:56:42,319
Speaker 1: on what they were wearing to kind of break that ice,

1205
00:56:42,480 --> 00:56:44,600
Speaker 1: I felt like I had more control of myself in

1206
00:56:44,680 --> 00:56:47,680
Speaker 1: that scenario where being in that group setting didn't feel

1207
00:56:47,719 --> 00:56:50,000
Speaker 1: like I was so isolated and alone. It's like, oh,

1208
00:56:50,000 --> 00:56:51,400
Speaker 1: I already talked to half the people here. Now I

1209
00:56:51,400 --> 00:56:53,759
Speaker 1: don't feel a pressure. Yeah. I mean I always like

1210
00:56:53,840 --> 00:56:56,480
Speaker 1: to try to challenge myself anyway. So well, that's good.

1211
00:56:56,840 --> 00:56:58,400
Speaker 1: That's what you should do. You should go it and

1212
00:56:58,719 --> 00:57:03,000
Speaker 1: so that you're controlling the situation. The situation isn't controlling you. Yeah,

1213
00:57:03,080 --> 00:57:05,359
Speaker 1: that's solid advice. You're right. It's it's nice to hear

1214
00:57:05,400 --> 00:57:07,239
Speaker 1: from a different perspective and be like, oh, yeah, it

1215
00:57:07,440 --> 00:57:10,360
Speaker 1: makes perfect sense hearing it. Yeah, and don't sit in

1216
00:57:10,440 --> 00:57:12,799
Speaker 1: and hide away from people. Look how adorable you are. People.

1217
00:57:12,800 --> 00:57:14,840
Speaker 1: We need to know you and to meet you, and

1218
00:57:14,960 --> 00:57:17,840
Speaker 1: this is it, like, yeah, this is our life. Have fun,

1219
00:57:17,960 --> 00:57:19,800
Speaker 1: and you would be amazed how easy it is to

1220
00:57:19,840 --> 00:57:21,880
Speaker 1: get over the little things that kind of hold us

1221
00:57:21,960 --> 00:57:24,080
Speaker 1: back for so much. You know, if you just start

1222
00:57:24,120 --> 00:57:26,920
Speaker 1: giving yourself those regular challenges even more so than you

1223
00:57:27,000 --> 00:57:29,960
Speaker 1: already have been doing, I think you'll see results really quickly,

1224
00:57:30,040 --> 00:57:31,880
Speaker 1: and you'll start to notice that you feel more calm

1225
00:57:31,960 --> 00:57:35,160
Speaker 1: in this situation. And you have this meditation you can

1226
00:57:35,280 --> 00:57:37,680
Speaker 1: use that and if worst case scenario, like if you

1227
00:57:37,720 --> 00:57:39,520
Speaker 1: want to go to your doctor, and get a beta blocker.

1228
00:57:39,760 --> 00:57:42,680
Speaker 1: Try that out. Yeah, okay, I mean here's a good

1229
00:57:42,760 --> 00:57:45,280
Speaker 1: challenge anyway. I mean I'm talking to Brandon and Chelsea,

1230
00:57:45,520 --> 00:57:48,400
Speaker 1: so that's right, pretty good challenge for the day. I think,

1231
00:57:48,720 --> 00:57:50,200
Speaker 1: all right, well that's the three of us. Make the

1232
00:57:50,280 --> 00:57:54,000
Speaker 1: a team. You me, Brandon, keep us posted. Sarah. Thanks Sarah,

1233
00:57:54,440 --> 00:57:57,480
Speaker 1: thank you so much. You're welcome so much. Have fun

1234
00:57:57,560 --> 00:58:00,360
Speaker 1: in your next party. Oh yeah, maybe she's going right now,

1235
00:58:00,560 --> 00:58:05,800
Speaker 1: who knows. Bye, Sarah, Thank you. How do you feel

1236
00:58:05,800 --> 00:58:08,680
Speaker 1: about the advice given today? I feel like a lot

1237
00:58:08,760 --> 00:58:12,120
Speaker 1: of people are taking this very seriously, including us, and

1238
00:58:12,280 --> 00:58:15,640
Speaker 1: I think that's good. I didn't say taking ourselves very seriously.

1239
00:58:15,680 --> 00:58:18,960
Speaker 1: If you noticed as it taking this very seriously. So

1240
00:58:19,280 --> 00:58:22,360
Speaker 1: I mean you could take our leave our advice. Really,

1241
00:58:22,440 --> 00:58:25,080
Speaker 1: it doesn't really matter. What matters is that we're here

1242
00:58:25,080 --> 00:58:27,760
Speaker 1: and available to give it. I think she may leave

1243
00:58:27,800 --> 00:58:30,880
Speaker 1: the propanel, but for anyone, I just think people should

1244
00:58:31,240 --> 00:58:34,240
Speaker 1: leverage it. If it's not like oxy, it's you know,

1245
00:58:34,320 --> 00:58:36,960
Speaker 1: there are things that have been created to really help

1246
00:58:37,200 --> 00:58:40,560
Speaker 1: enhance the way you go through life, and panel is

1247
00:58:40,600 --> 00:58:42,840
Speaker 1: one of them. And we had we had to have

1248
00:58:43,040 --> 00:58:45,080
Speaker 1: a difficult conversation one time. Oh, This is right after

1249
00:58:45,120 --> 00:58:47,880
Speaker 1: I painted your deck black. For anyone who doesn't know,

1250
00:58:48,160 --> 00:58:49,840
Speaker 1: I don't know how you wouldn't because she talked about

1251
00:58:49,880 --> 00:58:52,280
Speaker 1: it everywhere. But I made a little whoopsie and we

1252
00:58:52,360 --> 00:58:54,920
Speaker 1: had to have a really tough conversation. Hey painted my

1253
00:58:55,120 --> 00:58:58,240
Speaker 1: entire deck black, shiny black, so the dogs couldn't even

1254
00:58:58,240 --> 00:59:00,640
Speaker 1: walk on it because their paws would burn. Yeah, it

1255
00:59:00,720 --> 00:59:05,240
Speaker 1: was shiny like a nineties porn set. Yeah, it was

1256
00:59:05,320 --> 00:59:07,640
Speaker 1: just not the color that A. It's too hot to

1257
00:59:07,680 --> 00:59:10,600
Speaker 1: step on, so that's not going to work. B. It

1258
00:59:10,840 --> 00:59:14,040
Speaker 1: was really hard to look at compared to the rest

1259
00:59:14,080 --> 00:59:17,600
Speaker 1: of my house, which was brown. Well I'm beautiful, but anyway,

1260
00:59:17,680 --> 00:59:18,840
Speaker 1: So the point of that was we had to have

1261
00:59:19,040 --> 00:59:20,480
Speaker 1: a tough conversation, and I knew we were going to

1262
00:59:20,560 --> 00:59:21,760
Speaker 1: have to have it, and I knew there were both

1263
00:59:21,840 --> 00:59:24,440
Speaker 1: things that we wanted to say, and I took a

1264
00:59:24,520 --> 00:59:28,400
Speaker 1: propanal right before that, and we got through that conversation

1265
00:59:28,480 --> 00:59:30,840
Speaker 1: because it wasn't emotive, it was just facts from both

1266
00:59:30,880 --> 00:59:34,520
Speaker 1: of our sides. And that was one of those times

1267
00:59:34,560 --> 00:59:36,560
Speaker 1: I was like, see, this is exactly why something like

1268
00:59:36,640 --> 00:59:39,200
Speaker 1: this exists, because you just need to get through it, right,

1269
00:59:39,720 --> 00:59:43,560
Speaker 1: have a great weekend. I guess yeah, we're gonna road.

1270
00:59:43,680 --> 00:59:46,320
Speaker 1: I think so. I think it's time. If you want

1271
00:59:46,480 --> 00:59:51,880
Speaker 1: any assistance with your partner, your best friend, really, anything,

1272
00:59:52,120 --> 00:59:54,720
Speaker 1: you can write into Dear Chelsea Project at gmail dot

1273
00:59:54,760 --> 00:59:57,720
Speaker 1: com Dear Chelsea Project at gmail dot com