Speaker 1: Previously on Miller High Life Presents The Heavyweight Diaries. Think Johnny, Think,
Speaker 1: good Night, Podstar, Crossed Sandwiches, good Night Healthcare, Timothy Nelson,
Speaker 1: good night, Twitter follower. I'm seeing a co reporting situation.
Speaker 1: I had saved the show, but at what price? I
Speaker 1: guess you could say I've always enjoyed sandwiches, whispers Timothy Nelson.
Speaker 1: He leans into the studio microphone with eyes shut. He
Speaker 1: is being soulful, and I want to die. I've been
Speaker 1: interviewing this man for the past five and a half
Speaker 1: hours as he meticulously recounts the tedious backstory to a
Speaker 1: subway sandwich order from the night in question. He is
Speaker 1: walking me through what feels like a real time history
Speaker 1: of his sandwich eating habits. We've devoted over an hour
Speaker 1: to his love of open face sandwiches as a boy.
Speaker 1: Discovering peeda pockets in his twenties was another hour, Pannini's
Speaker 1: in his thirties, an hour and a half. And I
Speaker 1: don't know how long we talked about tuna melts under
Speaker 1: the studio table. My fingernails dig into the palm of
Speaker 1: my hand. I don't think I can endure much more.
Speaker 1: And then there's Olive's Timothy Nelson says with a sly grin.
Speaker 1: You see, when I first discovered them at the tender
Speaker 1: age of five, they looked like marbles, and so of
Speaker 1: course I enjoyed shoving them up my nose. They felt
Speaker 1: good up there. It is the longest, most in depth
Speaker 1: interview of my career, all in service to an idiot's
Speaker 1: tale a man orders a sand and receives the wrong one.
Speaker 1: But after extensive test marketing with influencers from Generation double
Speaker 1: Z and other key demographics, the haircuts on the advertising
Speaker 1: team have seized on Nelson's story, calling it immensely relatable
Speaker 1: and honest but truthful, as well as brand safe. They've
Speaker 1: even hired a professional fashion photographer to shoot Nelson and
Speaker 1: I quote hanging out. The most punishing photographic tableau features
Speaker 1: us spooning each other on a custom made six foot
Speaker 1: long baguette. By the time I hit my thirties, continues
Speaker 1: Timothy Nelson heroes became a staple roast beef cheese slaw,
Speaker 1: ham salad, chicken salad, grilled chicken salad, which leads us
Speaker 1: to the night of the Crisscross sandwiches. I said, exasperated,
Speaker 1: oh no, he retorts. My discovery of heroes came years
Speaker 1: before that night, and I only got into subway sandwiches
Speaker 1: in my forties. So much comes before Giro's burrito's. Not
Speaker 1: to mention non burrito raps. It's really quite fascinating how
Speaker 1: many different kinds of raps there are. Can we get
Speaker 1: to the night in question? I bark, My patience completely eroded.
Speaker 1: I'm just trying to set the stage, Timothy Nelson shouts.
Speaker 1: Back Stage setting is a key part of storytelling. So
Speaker 1: is keeping your interviewer from falling into an anger sleep.
Speaker 1: I say, just let me tell the story the way
Speaker 1: it needs to be told, says Nelson. It needs to
Speaker 1: be told to a psychiatrist. I shriek, possibly the jailhouse kind.
Speaker 1: I don't know why I ever let Alex talk me
Speaker 1: in into this fiasco, yells Timothy Nelson, talk you into it?
Speaker 1: I ask, I can't believe the depths to which I've sunk,
Speaker 1: and you call yourself an interviewer, christ Timothy Nelson, I
Speaker 1: feel like I'm talking to a cactus, and abnormally stupid cactus.
Speaker 1: Just as I'm about to scream in Timothy Nelson's face
Speaker 1: that I hate him, hate everything about him that I
Speaker 1: have hated him before I even knew him, hated him
Speaker 1: when he was just an innocent child. I catch sight
Speaker 1: of the recording light, which is not on. In fact,
Speaker 1: it is off. We've not been recording. I whisper, my
Speaker 1: voice hoarse. What Nelson asks, We've just spent the past
Speaker 1: six hours, I say, pretending to have a delightful conversation
Speaker 1: about your stomach turning culinary habits for absolute lutely no reason.
Speaker 1: Because you never hit record. My eyes tear up and
Speaker 1: my jaw starts to twitch. I never hit record. Timothy
Speaker 1: Nelson repeats, that's rich. You're supposed to be the interviewer,
Speaker 1: you cactus. It's your job to press record. Energy drinks
Speaker 1: and raspberry wine coolers litter the floor beneath Timothy Nelson's feet.
Speaker 1: The room is thick with the smell of our body odor,
Speaker 1: though neither of us can detect it, as we've not
Speaker 1: smelled fresh air in six hours. All for nothing. This
Speaker 1: is a bad dream, I babble. I gave up my
Speaker 1: two year old son's first ukulele lesson for this. I
Speaker 1: passed up my best friend's bachelor party in Las Vegas,
Speaker 1: says Timothy Nelson. We had back Street Boys tickets. We
Speaker 1: stare at each other, breathing hard, when suddenly, like the
Speaker 1: bear from the Revenant, Timothy Nelson is upon me, and
Speaker 1: I am upon Timothy Nelson as he tries to lock
Speaker 1: my head, I, like the bear from the House at
Speaker 1: Pooh Corner, attempt to bear hug his waist. For but
Speaker 1: a moment, we are locked in a nauseatingly intimate embrace
Speaker 1: before we crash into the shelves, knocking over a series
Speaker 1: of non heavyweight related peabody statuettes, some rolls of Gimblet's
Speaker 1: promotional toilet paper three ply all, and several heavy sacks
Speaker 1: of money bearing the Spotify logo. It's enough of a
Speaker 1: racket to cause several Gimlet employees and adjacent studios to
Speaker 1: come rushing in. Timothy Nelson and I separate. Nothing to
Speaker 1: see here, I say, adjusting the collar on my shirt.
Speaker 1: One too many cider jacks, says Nelson. The gathering crowd
Speaker 1: stands around, holding their noses and gawking at us, until,
Speaker 1: in a puff of sea breeze and sandalwood, Bloomberg suddenly appears.
Speaker 1: Everybody scatters fellas he cries, there's no time for horseplay.
Speaker 1: We have a season premiere rap party to think of.
Speaker 1: We are going to have a tastefully appointed fountain overflowing
Speaker 1: with Miller High Life, the Champagne of beers. It's going
Speaker 1: to be so exclusive that even invited guests will only
Speaker 1: learn of it the day after it happens, and even
Speaker 1: then only on title. I guess I did overreact a little,
Speaker 1: says Timothy Nelson, extending his hand. Just thinking of all
Speaker 1: the horrible Timothy Nelson related nooks and crannies this hand
Speaker 1: is ventured, is enough to make my abdominal pips wilt.
Speaker 1: But there was Bloomberg so full of hope for the
Speaker 1: sponsorship deals, in ancillary revenues, licensing opportunities, and marketing hooks,
Speaker 1: but also for the story of this cursed subway sandwich.
Speaker 1: I should never have tried to strike you, I say,
Speaker 1: accepting Nelson's hand. Bloomberg exits the studio, leaving Timothy Nelson
Speaker 1: and I alone. We eye each other warily, and each
Speaker 1: take our seats. Nelson behind the guest Mic and I
Speaker 1: behind the host Mike, and then I press the record button.
Speaker 1: I guess you could say I've always enjoyed sandwiches, says
Speaker 1: Timothy Nelson as my pips explode in chapter seven of
Speaker 1: the Heavyweight Diaries. The next season of Heavyweight will begin
Speaker 1: in two weeks on September twenty sixth. Remember if you
Speaker 1: don't listen to Heavyweight on Spotify, Jim Gimblet's head of
Speaker 1: finance and Operations will tan my Canadian hide. But good.
Speaker 1: Heavyweight is me Jonathan Goldstein, along with Jorge just Stevie Lane,
Speaker 1: Khalila Holt, and Va Parker. This episode was mixed by Emamonger,
Speaker 1: music by Bobby Lord. Our ad music is Vivaldi's Spring,
Speaker 1: performed by the Wichita State University Chamber Players. We'll have
Speaker 1: the final chapter of the Heavyweight Diaries next week