WEBVTT - Ask Amy & T.J.: “I’m 59. She’s 19. We’re In Love, Now What?” 0:00:02.800 --> 0:00:05.520 Hey, there are folks. Somebody by the name of C 0:00:05.800 --> 0:00:10.320 and R wrote to us wanting all of our relationship advice. 0:00:10.720 --> 0:00:15.640 So what's the relationship issue? He says, I'm fifty nine, 0:00:15.680 --> 0:00:22.840 she's nineteen. Now what well? Robox initial thoughts yikes, my 0:00:22.960 --> 0:00:28.280 initial take, yikes. And welcome to this relationship edition of 0:00:28.320 --> 0:00:30.200 Amy and TJ. We take on a question from our 0:00:30.280 --> 0:00:32.960 weekly Yahoo advice colin, which you can find in the 0:00:33.040 --> 0:00:36.200 Life section of Yahoo dot com and Robes. This first 0:00:36.200 --> 0:00:39.440 one before we get into the details. When somebody hears 0:00:39.560 --> 0:00:43.559 fifty nine year old man nineteen year old girl, what 0:00:43.600 --> 0:00:46.479 are they? And I said girl. I didn't even say woman, right, 0:00:47.040 --> 0:00:48.879 that was just an accidental slip. But that's what you think. 0:00:48.920 --> 0:00:50.880 I hear teenager? But what do you think Most people 0:00:50.880 --> 0:00:53.520 think fifty nine nineteen? They mentally go to what you think? 0:00:53.560 --> 0:00:55.320 That he's in it for the sex and she's in 0:00:55.360 --> 0:00:55.960 it for the money. 0:00:57.160 --> 0:00:58.800 That was more succinct than I thought you were going 0:00:58.880 --> 0:00:59.040 to be. 0:01:00.280 --> 0:01:03.880 That is where most people go and they think who's 0:01:03.920 --> 0:01:07.919 getting what out of this relationship because it doesn't seem 0:01:08.040 --> 0:01:11.360 like one that would be natural. A lot of people say, 0:01:11.440 --> 0:01:14.520 what do you have in common? So what would be 0:01:14.560 --> 0:01:17.840 the motivation, and that's typically where people's minds go to. 0:01:18.240 --> 0:01:20.200 All right, and this again, this person goes by c 0:01:20.560 --> 0:01:24.080 and R wrote into us on our Yahoo column, and 0:01:24.240 --> 0:01:27.520 ropes take them through the actual full scenario that he gave. 0:01:27.720 --> 0:01:30.960 Yes. So this is what CNR asked us, Amy and TJ. 0:01:31.200 --> 0:01:34.920 I'm fifty nine, she is nineteen. I'll wait while you 0:01:35.040 --> 0:01:38.680 shake off the obvious initial reaction, the one that says 0:01:38.800 --> 0:01:42.039 I'm a predator or at best simply with this young woman. 0:01:42.120 --> 0:01:43.040 Because of the sex. 0:01:43.400 --> 0:01:46.119 She and I have found intimacy at a level we 0:01:46.280 --> 0:01:51.000 never thought existed while navigating the complexity of falling in love. 0:01:51.360 --> 0:01:54.600 You guys, could not be more correct. Love is indeed messy. 0:01:55.160 --> 0:01:58.480 Finding the courage to step off the cliff of settling 0:01:58.520 --> 0:02:01.600 for less in hopes of experiencing the kind of love 0:02:01.640 --> 0:02:07.000 that even the best poets, artists, and musicians can't fully describe, 0:02:07.560 --> 0:02:12.040 is paralyzing. She and I are currently standing on that cliff. 0:02:12.360 --> 0:02:16.680 Can you offer some non judgmental feedback about how or 0:02:16.840 --> 0:02:20.560 whether to pursue this relationship. Hope to hear from you, 0:02:20.639 --> 0:02:24.399 and congratulations on stepping off that cliff yourselves. 0:02:24.840 --> 0:02:28.880 I okay, non judgment We should start there, right, non judgmental. 0:02:29.400 --> 0:02:31.960 If you're not hurting yourself or hurting somebody else, do 0:02:32.040 --> 0:02:35.160 your thing. So people are into or they're into. And 0:02:35.440 --> 0:02:38.600 also the other thing we should say here love comes 0:02:38.600 --> 0:02:42.360 in all kinds of forms, and we're not here to 0:02:42.560 --> 0:02:44.320 judge it. So we have to start. 0:02:44.080 --> 0:02:46.440 There absolutely completely agree. 0:02:46.520 --> 0:02:48.440 Okay, And all we have to go on is are 0:02:48.480 --> 0:02:50.760 the details that he gave us. So we're going to 0:02:50.840 --> 0:02:53.480 get into some comments that and this was our biggest 0:02:53.480 --> 0:02:54.720 response we've gotten. Right. 0:02:54.919 --> 0:02:59.240 We had three and a half thousand comments in counting. 0:03:00.560 --> 0:03:02.280 So yes, a lot of folks wait in. 0:03:02.680 --> 0:03:05.920 Oh at the time of this recording, thousands of you 0:03:07.360 --> 0:03:07.799 wait in. 0:03:09.280 --> 0:03:15.560 But our advice initially when my reaction was I couldn't, 0:03:15.600 --> 0:03:19.440 in good conscious conscience say to him, go for it, buddy, 0:03:20.160 --> 0:03:23.400 You just can't. As parents, you think about kids. We 0:03:23.440 --> 0:03:24.919 have a nineteen year old in the house all the time, 0:03:25.280 --> 0:03:27.359 all the time. She's a freshman in college. But analyst 0:03:27.440 --> 0:03:29.520 just went off to college. She is nineteen right now, 0:03:29.880 --> 0:03:31.840 to think about what she is doing in her life, 0:03:32.040 --> 0:03:34.440 going to work as a barista, can't wait to get 0:03:34.440 --> 0:03:36.080 off work so she can go to happy hour with 0:03:36.120 --> 0:03:38.240 her friends. Can't wait till then go out with her friend. Oh, 0:03:38.280 --> 0:03:40.520 I'm going over to Brooklyn and she's doing kid things, 0:03:40.720 --> 0:03:42.280 and at the same time, she has to call you 0:03:42.280 --> 0:03:44.320 at least twice a week with an emergency because she 0:03:44.360 --> 0:03:45.320 can't find her keys. 0:03:45.520 --> 0:03:48.080 Twice a week. I was like, twice a day, okay. 0:03:48.120 --> 0:03:52.080 But the points she's a kid, an absolute kid, and 0:03:52.160 --> 0:03:54.680 to think about a fifty nine year old man, My 0:03:54.880 --> 0:03:57.560 initial thought was just there seems to be so much 0:03:57.560 --> 0:04:00.240 of her life she's missing out on by being with 0:04:00.280 --> 0:04:03.560 a fifty nine year old man. What do you want 0:04:03.960 --> 0:04:06.840 to take that from her? I'm trying to embrace the 0:04:06.920 --> 0:04:09.920 love and the idea of it, but this is just difficult. 0:04:10.080 --> 0:04:12.200 And that was kind of my summary of what my 0:04:12.560 --> 0:04:13.000 thought was. 0:04:13.200 --> 0:04:18.919 Yeah, and again I am also fully supportive of grown 0:04:18.920 --> 0:04:21.799 adults doing what they want to do and not basing 0:04:21.880 --> 0:04:24.720 their decisions on what other people think of them. However, 0:04:25.160 --> 0:04:27.760 I understand where he's coming from in the sense that, 0:04:27.800 --> 0:04:29.800 of course people are going to roll their eyes, and 0:04:29.839 --> 0:04:32.080 of course people are going to assume the worst, and 0:04:32.160 --> 0:04:34.440 I don't want to do that. But yes, I do 0:04:34.480 --> 0:04:37.080 have a nineteen year old so I do have some 0:04:37.400 --> 0:04:41.200 perspective as to what nineteen year olds. I remember being nineteen, 0:04:41.200 --> 0:04:43.679 but when you're nineteen, you think you're so much older 0:04:43.680 --> 0:04:46.320 than you are. And the thing I've always told my daughters, 0:04:46.320 --> 0:04:48.839 and it drives them crazy, is you don't know what 0:04:48.960 --> 0:04:51.279 you don't know. And I'm sure he, as a fifty 0:04:51.360 --> 0:04:51.800 nine year. 0:04:51.720 --> 0:04:54.960 Old, fully understands that as well. And so I really don't. 0:04:54.839 --> 0:04:58.280 Think it's as much about an age gap as it 0:04:58.360 --> 0:05:01.720 is her age. If this were happening ten years from now, 0:05:01.720 --> 0:05:03.800 when he was sixty nine and she was twenty nine, 0:05:04.360 --> 0:05:06.320 I might feel a little bit differently about it, because 0:05:06.320 --> 0:05:09.160 she would have had her twenties to kind of figure 0:05:09.160 --> 0:05:11.320 out who she is, and we're always figuring out who 0:05:11.320 --> 0:05:12.839 we are. I get that, but I think this is 0:05:12.880 --> 0:05:15.760 more of a power imbalance too, And maybe he would 0:05:15.760 --> 0:05:17.400 say that's not a part of it, but how could 0:05:17.400 --> 0:05:20.039 it not be. And so that makes me a little 0:05:20.040 --> 0:05:23.320 bit nervous for her and maybe even for him too, 0:05:23.400 --> 0:05:25.400 because you don't want to be with someone who you 0:05:25.480 --> 0:05:28.200 are controlling or who you have control over, even if 0:05:28.200 --> 0:05:29.960 you're not trying to exert that control. 0:05:30.640 --> 0:05:32.200 It kind of has to exist. 0:05:32.400 --> 0:05:35.680 Maybe yes, from a financial standpoint, but also just from 0:05:35.680 --> 0:05:40.360 an experience standpoint. There is a huge experience gap, and 0:05:40.480 --> 0:05:42.120 that would be the biggest concern for me. 0:05:42.800 --> 0:05:45.360 The line here, I mean the way he puts it. 0:05:45.400 --> 0:05:49.800 He said, we have found intimacy at a level we 0:05:49.880 --> 0:05:54.560 never thought existed while navigating the complexity of falling in love. 0:05:55.560 --> 0:05:59.520 She doesn't have any idea what falling in love is. 0:05:59.800 --> 0:06:03.599 That young lady has no idea about a level of 0:06:03.720 --> 0:06:07.920 intimacy that she's never had before because she's never had it. 0:06:07.960 --> 0:06:11.480 She's nineteen. I don't care what experience in relationships she's 0:06:11.560 --> 0:06:14.760 had the past several years of her life, when she's 0:06:14.800 --> 0:06:17.760 been dating her little junior high school boyfriend or whatever. 0:06:17.920 --> 0:06:22.560 It just doesn't compare. So he sounds passionate and enthusia. 0:06:22.600 --> 0:06:25.160 He might believe what he's saying. How could she have 0:06:25.279 --> 0:06:26.360 the same experience? 0:06:26.760 --> 0:06:30.120 Yes, And I will say, as a fifty two year old, 0:06:30.760 --> 0:06:34.080 I have never had the level of intimacy that I've 0:06:34.080 --> 0:06:38.400 had with you. But I have, you know, at least 0:06:38.720 --> 0:06:42.960 thirty five plus years of experience in relationships to compare 0:06:43.000 --> 0:06:46.800 it to. So she clearly does not. And we're always 0:06:46.880 --> 0:06:48.599 learning and we're always growing. But I think when you 0:06:48.600 --> 0:06:53.760 start talking about poets and movies and songs, I know 0:06:53.800 --> 0:06:56.479 what that feeling is, and that's infatuation, is it not? 0:06:56.880 --> 0:07:01.000 Because love to me is when all of that maybe 0:07:01.040 --> 0:07:05.680 even quiets down, and it's that beautiful connection and commitment 0:07:05.839 --> 0:07:08.400 and friendship and partnership that ensusan Yes, you can have 0:07:08.440 --> 0:07:13.960 the sexual attraction, but that initial youphoric burst that is 0:07:14.080 --> 0:07:17.440 more a feeling of being in love versus a feeling 0:07:17.440 --> 0:07:18.680 of actually loving someone. 0:07:18.760 --> 0:07:20.200 We don't have a time here, so we don't know 0:07:20.240 --> 0:07:20.880 how long. 0:07:20.760 --> 0:07:22.920 They are actually, well, I would get it, hope it 0:07:22.920 --> 0:07:24.200 would only be a year. 0:07:24.160 --> 0:07:25.880 A year because she years plus. 0:07:25.880 --> 0:07:28.040 Maybe we just hope she would. Yes, we would hope 0:07:28.040 --> 0:07:28.840 that she was eighteen. 0:07:28.920 --> 0:07:31.680 So let's just fifty eight eighteen sounds worse it. 0:07:31.680 --> 0:07:34.280 Actually does, but let's just assume, because I'm going to 0:07:34.320 --> 0:07:36.520 assume that he did not decide to date her until 0:07:36.520 --> 0:07:38.520 she was at least eighteen, So they've got a year, 0:07:38.640 --> 0:07:39.520 year and a half tops. 0:07:39.520 --> 0:07:42.480 Okay, one more thing before we get into the comments 0:07:42.560 --> 0:07:46.040 and the thoughts that people wrote in into us about 0:07:47.520 --> 0:07:50.520 can we go and try have you tried to take 0:07:50.600 --> 0:07:56.160 him at everything at his word at its face, that 0:07:56.240 --> 0:07:59.440 this is real and this is true and these two 0:07:59.480 --> 0:08:03.040 people are genuinely in love and now what do we 0:08:03.120 --> 0:08:03.440 do with it? 0:08:03.640 --> 0:08:06.520 Yeah, and you know what, Only they know that. Only 0:08:06.560 --> 0:08:07.080 they know that. 0:08:07.120 --> 0:08:10.120 And I would never say that isn't possible, because I 0:08:10.160 --> 0:08:14.520 have certainly met nineteen year olds who are old souls. 0:08:14.600 --> 0:08:20.120 And we've all met younger folks who act and really 0:08:20.200 --> 0:08:23.040 kind of react in a much more mature way than 0:08:23.120 --> 0:08:24.120 a lot of older folks do. 0:08:24.480 --> 0:08:25.320 So that is true. 0:08:25.320 --> 0:08:28.520 And then there older folks who stay young. I mean, 0:08:28.840 --> 0:08:29.800 I think I'm one. 0:08:29.640 --> 0:08:33.679 Of those people. I feel like I act and. 0:08:33.640 --> 0:08:36.360 I'm hopefully not throwing myself under the bus here, but yeah, 0:08:36.440 --> 0:08:40.080 I act younger than my age. I enjoy things that 0:08:40.120 --> 0:08:42.320 a lot of folks my age don't enjoy. So my 0:08:42.400 --> 0:08:46.480 friends tend to be younger because that's just how I roll. 0:08:46.559 --> 0:08:48.920 So I'm if I a younger boyfriend, I do have 0:08:48.960 --> 0:08:49.800 a younger boyfriend. 0:08:49.880 --> 0:08:52.679 No, it sounds like you need a younger A younger boyfriend. 0:08:52.720 --> 0:08:55.000 Oh no, I think four and a half years is perfect. 0:08:55.480 --> 0:08:57.839 No, you need much younger, as youthful as you say 0:08:57.880 --> 0:08:58.199 you are. 0:08:58.480 --> 0:08:59.160 No, no, no, no for it. 0:08:59.240 --> 0:09:00.440 It's not like I'm going to be able to keep 0:09:00.520 --> 0:09:00.840 up with you. 0:09:02.360 --> 0:09:05.200 Uh No, I think we're matched in energy, and I 0:09:05.240 --> 0:09:07.040 do think that that is part of it. So maybe 0:09:07.080 --> 0:09:11.280 he is, you know, looking for excitement, and he has 0:09:11.320 --> 0:09:14.120 that energy and that spark about him. And maybe she 0:09:14.440 --> 0:09:17.080 likes to stay home and watch Netflix and chill and 0:09:17.120 --> 0:09:19.040 she's not about going to the clubs and partying. But 0:09:19.520 --> 0:09:22.040 you know, so much changes. You can be one thing 0:09:22.040 --> 0:09:24.760 at nineteen, another thing at twenty three, and a whole 0:09:24.800 --> 0:09:27.760 other thing at twenty five. You know, It's just that's 0:09:27.800 --> 0:09:29.640 what I would be concerned about if I were him. 0:09:30.920 --> 0:09:32.880 How much is she going to change? He's kind of 0:09:32.920 --> 0:09:34.640 where he is and where he's going to be. 0:09:35.040 --> 0:09:35.880 She's nineteen. 0:09:36.000 --> 0:09:36.680 She's nineteen. 0:09:36.720 --> 0:09:39.480 She doesn't even know all the things she wants from Sophora. 0:09:39.600 --> 0:09:43.280 Yet she doesn't. She doesn't know what sports she's really into. 0:09:43.440 --> 0:09:46.000 She can't order a beer, yeah, and she. 0:09:45.960 --> 0:09:49.560 Doesn't know I can't. How can you date someone when 0:09:49.600 --> 0:09:52.840 they ask what are you guys drinking? And they actually 0:09:52.840 --> 0:09:54.120 don't know what their options are? 0:09:54.840 --> 0:09:55.000 Right? 0:09:55.440 --> 0:09:56.880 She can't rent a car. 0:09:56.960 --> 0:09:58.640 She can no twenty five. 0:09:58.720 --> 0:10:01.480 Yes, she can't rent a house. She can't get a 0:10:01.520 --> 0:10:03.960 verbo or an airbnb. I when you start putting that 0:10:04.000 --> 0:10:06.960 into perspective, there's a reason why all of these stop 0:10:06.960 --> 0:10:11.400 gaps are put in place. She's not considered capable of 0:10:11.440 --> 0:10:17.360 making serious decisions like getting a drink or getting behind 0:10:17.360 --> 0:10:20.560 the wheel of a hurts vehicle. There are reasons why 0:10:20.600 --> 0:10:23.520 those safety precautions are put in place and having age restrictions, 0:10:23.559 --> 0:10:27.480 and I just would maybe keep that in mind. When 0:10:27.520 --> 0:10:30.600 you're fifty nine, you do understand this, but I understand 0:10:30.640 --> 0:10:33.120 you can get swept up in the feelings and maybe 0:10:33.160 --> 0:10:33.600 it is real. 0:10:33.600 --> 0:10:34.280 I don't want to say it. 0:10:34.320 --> 0:10:37.040 Is authentic, and those can be authentic. The next thing 0:10:37.120 --> 0:10:38.720 is just what do you do about it. It's just 0:10:38.760 --> 0:10:41.360 a tough one. We certainly wish them the best, but 0:10:41.400 --> 0:10:44.160 a lot of people. Again, like we said, thousands of 0:10:44.200 --> 0:10:46.560 folks wrote in and people were dying to chime in 0:10:46.600 --> 0:10:48.400 on this. When we come back quick break here. When 0:10:48.400 --> 0:10:50.560 we come back, we're going to tell you. We're going 0:10:50.600 --> 0:10:53.040 to read for you some of the comments, and they 0:10:53.080 --> 0:10:55.960 went a few different directions. One was yes, this must 0:10:56.040 --> 0:11:00.880 be about money. Another theme was hey, adult, do you 0:11:01.200 --> 0:11:04.040 And then somebody that goes by the name of B 0:11:04.400 --> 0:11:08.520 Diddy wrote in to us and actually brought it all home. 0:11:08.960 --> 0:11:10.960 Stay here and. 0:11:19.360 --> 0:11:22.880 Welcome back everyone to this edition of Ask Amy and TJ. 0:11:23.080 --> 0:11:26.800 We are talking about our latest Yahoo Life column, our 0:11:26.840 --> 0:11:30.679 relationship advice column, where C and R wrote into us 0:11:30.800 --> 0:11:34.240 asking about his relationship. Yeah, he's fifty nine, she's nineteen, 0:11:34.320 --> 0:11:36.640 and you all had a lot to say about it. 0:11:36.920 --> 0:11:39.720 We're going to start with RJ, who wrote into the 0:11:39.760 --> 0:11:44.439 Yahoo page and said this, don't know why he's even asking. 0:11:44.800 --> 0:11:48.000 Just enjoy it while you can. Age is just a number. 0:11:48.360 --> 0:11:51.400 I'm fifty eight and he put this in quotes. I'm 0:11:51.440 --> 0:11:53.640 not really I'm not really sure what this means. And 0:11:53.960 --> 0:11:56.520 date many under thirty year old. 0:11:56.559 --> 0:11:57.160 You know what he means. 0:11:57.200 --> 0:12:00.280 I know what he means. He likes to have some 0:12:00.320 --> 0:12:05.040 situationships with many under thirty year old's youngest being nineteen, 0:12:05.160 --> 0:12:07.840 So while he really does know what CNR is going 0:12:07.840 --> 0:12:11.240 through now twenty and I've dated five to ten years older. 0:12:11.640 --> 0:12:14.920 You can have lots in common with people of all ages. 0:12:15.240 --> 0:12:19.120 You can fall in love with anyone and it's just fine, Yolo, 0:12:19.559 --> 0:12:22.760 live your life for you and don't worry about other people. 0:12:23.840 --> 0:12:27.800 I am initially fascinated that he's dated someone who is nineteen, 0:12:27.840 --> 0:12:31.240 but al somebody ten years younger. He's dated women in 0:12:31.280 --> 0:12:34.560 the range between nineteen and sixty nine years. 0:12:34.320 --> 0:12:35.800 Old, just about that's wild. 0:12:36.679 --> 0:12:39.800 Wow, he's got to pick a lane. We need him 0:12:39.800 --> 0:12:40.319 to pick alane. 0:12:40.360 --> 0:12:42.199 Actually, I think he just really likes women. 0:12:43.000 --> 0:12:47.280 How about this Robes. Isn't there something to that? He's 0:12:47.320 --> 0:12:49.560 just speaking strictly, not thinking about the woman at all, 0:12:49.720 --> 0:12:52.000 not thinking about the young lady at all. And just 0:12:52.160 --> 0:12:54.480 from the guy's perspective, you know what, man, if you 0:12:54.520 --> 0:12:56.600 got a nineteen year old is willing to date you, 0:12:56.880 --> 0:12:58.520 congratulations right, But. 0:12:58.600 --> 0:13:01.079 And he put again the date in parentheses or sorry, 0:13:01.080 --> 0:13:05.160 in quotations. So my thought is, yes, I totally applaud 0:13:05.240 --> 0:13:08.440 his yolo. I certainly subscribe to living your life and 0:13:08.440 --> 0:13:11.160 not worrying what other people think. But I don't know 0:13:11.200 --> 0:13:14.200 how best. I don't know the best advice he's giving, 0:13:14.240 --> 0:13:16.080 because he wasn't. He doesn't seem like he's looking for 0:13:16.160 --> 0:13:19.280 love or a relationship or a partner. I think he's 0:13:19.320 --> 0:13:22.600 looking for fun, and that's fine too. So it did 0:13:22.679 --> 0:13:26.160 seem that C and R is looking for love, is 0:13:26.240 --> 0:13:28.439 looking for a partner, is looking for a. 0:13:28.480 --> 0:13:29.800 Long term love. 0:13:30.000 --> 0:13:31.920 So r J's advice really isn't helpful. 0:13:31.960 --> 0:13:34.800 And to this RJ is just like man play the field. 0:13:34.840 --> 0:13:37.480 It's fun. Taken from me, I'm having a blast. 0:13:37.559 --> 0:13:39.880 Okay, now we got the locker room talk, by of 0:13:39.920 --> 0:13:42.720 the way. The next was Nicholas, and didn't you point 0:13:42.760 --> 0:13:44.400 out that it's a bunch of dudes? 0:13:44.559 --> 0:13:47.400 Yes, okay, every time we look at the common every 0:13:47.440 --> 0:13:50.080 time this is our third column. But I have been 0:13:50.360 --> 0:13:52.560 fascinated that more it seems. 0:13:52.920 --> 0:13:53.720 I mean, I guess. 0:13:53.480 --> 0:13:55.760 Women could say their name is a man's name, but 0:13:55.800 --> 0:14:01.200 because it's all anonymous technically, but it seems like more men, significantly, 0:14:01.200 --> 0:14:03.760 more men write in comments than women. 0:14:04.040 --> 0:14:05.719 I would have thought it was the opposite. 0:14:06.080 --> 0:14:11.280 Well, Nicholas chimed in this one ropes I would say this, 0:14:11.480 --> 0:14:15.080 I think is probably the opinion most people have. This 0:14:15.160 --> 0:14:18.120 one makes most sense to me, and Nicholas writes quote 0:14:18.480 --> 0:14:22.520 anytime both parties are consenting adults, the answer is yes. 0:14:23.000 --> 0:14:26.160 Now will it ever actually work? Highly unlikely. 0:14:26.640 --> 0:14:28.680 Yes, that's kind of it. I kind of feel like 0:14:28.720 --> 0:14:29.280 he nailed it. 0:14:29.600 --> 0:14:32.560 Nicholas nailed it because really, I mean, look, normally, I 0:14:32.560 --> 0:14:34.400 would say, hey, it's no one's business. And we have 0:14:34.480 --> 0:14:37.400 said this before, because we've got the Bill Belichick situation 0:14:37.560 --> 0:14:39.880 going on. That's a forty nine year age difference correct 0:14:39.880 --> 0:14:44.480 between him and his girlfriend, and we have both said publicly, Hey, 0:14:44.920 --> 0:14:46.200 let them do what they want to do. 0:14:46.360 --> 0:14:47.480 Who are we to judge? 0:14:48.040 --> 0:14:50.520 S and R is actually asking what we think, and 0:14:50.640 --> 0:14:54.120 so I actually think that is probably the best answer. 0:14:54.720 --> 0:14:57.320 You are consenting adults. Yes, if you want to go 0:14:57.440 --> 0:14:59.160 for it, and you both want to go for it, 0:14:59.400 --> 0:14:59.800 then go. 0:15:00.360 --> 0:15:02.520 No one's stopping you. You're not breaking any laws. 0:15:02.720 --> 0:15:04.680 But you got a lot up against you. There's the point. 0:15:04.680 --> 0:15:07.320 There's a lot up against We haven't talked about friends 0:15:07.360 --> 0:15:09.520 and family and what that difficulty is. I mean, he's 0:15:09.560 --> 0:15:11.160 going to go to our high school graduation, to a 0:15:11.200 --> 0:15:14.720 graduation party, to a college graduation party, and all those 0:15:14.800 --> 0:15:17.920 kinds of things where older than the parents. 0:15:18.040 --> 0:15:20.520 I was going to say, everyone is going to assume 0:15:20.520 --> 0:15:23.520 that's her father, and I come from a family where 0:15:23.680 --> 0:15:26.240 this is kind of crazy. But my grandparents were forty 0:15:26.280 --> 0:15:30.040 when I was born, so they were My grandma was 0:15:30.120 --> 0:15:32.080 in twenty one when she had my dad, and my 0:15:32.160 --> 0:15:36.400 dad was nineteen when he had me. So that's really 0:15:36.400 --> 0:15:38.640 bizarre to think that I could have been dating my grandpa. 0:15:38.920 --> 0:15:42.960 So I have a skewed, skewed perspective just from that situation. 0:15:43.560 --> 0:15:46.360 It's a little e for me, but that's just my 0:15:46.640 --> 0:15:49.720 personal opinion. I never really liked older man. Case in point, 0:15:50.120 --> 0:15:51.200 I'm dating a younger man. 0:15:51.840 --> 0:15:55.320 This thing was sideways fast. I can't Oh, but I do. 0:15:55.320 --> 0:15:57.160 Want to say one more thing, because you made something, 0:15:57.200 --> 0:16:00.840 you made a really good point. We have we've walked 0:16:00.840 --> 0:16:01.280 this walk. 0:16:01.400 --> 0:16:04.440 Relationships are hard, even if you have a lot in common, 0:16:04.480 --> 0:16:06.760 even if you come from the same background, from the 0:16:06.800 --> 0:16:09.400 same hometown, and you're about the same age, and you've 0:16:09.440 --> 0:16:11.680 had similar life experiences. 0:16:11.360 --> 0:16:13.720 It's still so hard. 0:16:14.160 --> 0:16:16.440 And then you add if you've got a religious difference, 0:16:16.600 --> 0:16:19.320 that makes it harder. You've got a racial difference. We've 0:16:19.400 --> 0:16:22.200 experienced that it makes it harder. Would you not agree? 0:16:22.280 --> 0:16:24.960 Oh yeah, it does? Hell yeah, Look every little what 0:16:25.720 --> 0:16:27.600 There are some things you sign up for that are 0:16:27.640 --> 0:16:30.080 going to be challenges, but there are some things you 0:16:30.120 --> 0:16:33.280 should sometimes you know better than to sign up for. 0:16:33.400 --> 0:16:36.280 And is what love? Have you proven? A love so much? 0:16:36.320 --> 0:16:39.360 Has it been tested? That's the line. Faith that has 0:16:39.440 --> 0:16:43.400 not been tested cannot be trusted. Well, love that has 0:16:43.440 --> 0:16:46.080 not been tested is difficult to trust as well. What 0:16:46.200 --> 0:16:49.480 have they gone through as a couple, right, Somebody losing 0:16:49.560 --> 0:16:53.320 the job, somebody having to move, somebody having an illness, 0:16:53.400 --> 0:16:57.000 So all these things that they just haven't experienced yet. 0:16:57.040 --> 0:17:00.840 It's possible, but it's just unlikely, is what someone say. 0:17:00.840 --> 0:17:01.920 Can we finally hear from a woman? 0:17:01.920 --> 0:17:04.560 Then yes, Lara, we got a woman who chimed in Lara. 0:17:04.640 --> 0:17:07.560 I actually had to search for a woman's name, Lara. 0:17:07.640 --> 0:17:10.480 I'm assuming this is a woman, so she's gonna represent 0:17:10.960 --> 0:17:14.800 and she commented, I think where a lot of you 0:17:14.880 --> 0:17:17.560 all might be the only question that needs to be 0:17:17.640 --> 0:17:21.359 asked is how much money you have and are giving her. 0:17:21.600 --> 0:17:25.399 If money weren't involved, which one hundred percent guarantee it is, 0:17:25.720 --> 0:17:29.159 and you were poor, you wouldn't have a nineteen year 0:17:29.200 --> 0:17:29.840 old girlfriend. 0:17:30.160 --> 0:17:31.959 I don't know. I don't know. 0:17:32.640 --> 0:17:34.840 Maybe he's super hot, maybe. 0:17:34.920 --> 0:17:37.000 Super hot and poor. 0:17:39.160 --> 0:17:43.520 Or he's super or he's super charismatic. Maybe he's super funny. 0:17:43.600 --> 0:17:46.200 A lot of women like funny men. But maybe Look, 0:17:46.200 --> 0:17:48.919 there's a lot of maybes. She could have a missing 0:17:48.960 --> 0:17:51.040 part of her heart. She may want a father figure, 0:17:51.119 --> 0:17:52.920 she may have missed out on that in her life, 0:17:52.920 --> 0:17:55.200 and she wants to feel protected, she wants to feel safe, 0:17:55.240 --> 0:17:57.400 and he makes her feel all of those things. There 0:17:57.480 --> 0:17:58.320 are more things. 0:17:58.520 --> 0:18:02.320 Maybe, well, maybe he just a normal guy. Yeah, with 0:18:02.440 --> 0:18:06.520 a normal job and looks normal and she's just a 0:18:06.560 --> 0:18:08.520 normal girl. I just want to make sure we insert 0:18:08.600 --> 0:18:12.680 that possibility that there is nothing extreme or extraordinary. Yes, 0:18:13.640 --> 0:18:16.000 maybe she's the rich one. I don't know what's happening. 0:18:16.080 --> 0:18:16.600 I just don't know. 0:18:17.240 --> 0:18:20.120 Yeah, it depends on her background and what she's experienced, 0:18:20.160 --> 0:18:22.360 and the types of relationships she's seen and the type 0:18:22.400 --> 0:18:24.879 of boys. I should say, because they were boys, I'm 0:18:24.920 --> 0:18:27.760 assuming who she dated before, But I really do. This 0:18:27.840 --> 0:18:29.479 kind of takes me to a place where I do 0:18:29.560 --> 0:18:33.200 think the older I get in life. Yes, of course, 0:18:33.200 --> 0:18:36.440 some women are looking for money, and that's the security 0:18:36.440 --> 0:18:38.760 they're looking for. But I think most women, and I 0:18:38.760 --> 0:18:42.600 think most people are looking for emotional safety. And if 0:18:42.600 --> 0:18:45.840 she feels emotionally safe with him, she feels like she 0:18:45.920 --> 0:18:47.320 hit the jackpot, no matter how. 0:18:47.160 --> 0:18:49.400 Old he is and no matter how much money has. 0:18:49.600 --> 0:18:51.520 I think that's absolutely possible. 0:18:51.560 --> 0:18:54.280 It's not about money, So Lara, I get it, And 0:18:54.320 --> 0:18:55.960 that is a very easy thing to go to and 0:18:56.000 --> 0:18:57.920 it could possibly be true, but I think it could 0:18:57.920 --> 0:18:58.439 be more than that. 0:18:58.840 --> 0:19:01.080 The last one we'll give you here from someone who 0:19:01.320 --> 0:19:05.480 robes kind of has apparently walked the walk and came 0:19:05.520 --> 0:19:08.240 here to talk the talk, and I appreciate it actually 0:19:08.280 --> 0:19:12.199 as open as B Ditty is what the name is. 0:19:12.200 --> 0:19:13.840 But B Diddy wrote in with this. 0:19:14.040 --> 0:19:16.920 Yes, he said, when I was forty four, three years 0:19:16.960 --> 0:19:19.840 after my divorce, I found myself getting involved with a 0:19:19.960 --> 0:19:21.400 gorgeous nineteen year old. 0:19:21.720 --> 0:19:23.960