1 00:00:02,800 --> 00:00:05,520 Speaker 1: Hey, there are folks. Somebody by the name of C 2 00:00:05,800 --> 00:00:10,320 Speaker 1: and R wrote to us wanting all of our relationship advice. 3 00:00:10,720 --> 00:00:15,640 Speaker 1: So what's the relationship issue? He says, I'm fifty nine, 4 00:00:15,680 --> 00:00:22,840 Speaker 1: she's nineteen. Now what well? Robox initial thoughts yikes, my 5 00:00:22,960 --> 00:00:28,280 Speaker 1: initial take, yikes. And welcome to this relationship edition of 6 00:00:28,320 --> 00:00:30,200 Speaker 1: Amy and TJ. We take on a question from our 7 00:00:30,280 --> 00:00:32,960 Speaker 1: weekly Yahoo advice colin, which you can find in the 8 00:00:33,040 --> 00:00:36,200 Speaker 1: Life section of Yahoo dot com and Robes. This first 9 00:00:36,200 --> 00:00:39,440 Speaker 1: one before we get into the details. When somebody hears 10 00:00:39,560 --> 00:00:43,559 Speaker 1: fifty nine year old man nineteen year old girl, what 11 00:00:43,600 --> 00:00:46,479 Speaker 1: are they? And I said girl. I didn't even say woman, right, 12 00:00:47,040 --> 00:00:48,879 Speaker 1: that was just an accidental slip. But that's what you think. 13 00:00:48,920 --> 00:00:50,880 Speaker 1: I hear teenager? But what do you think Most people 14 00:00:50,880 --> 00:00:53,520 Speaker 1: think fifty nine nineteen? They mentally go to what you think? 15 00:00:53,560 --> 00:00:55,320 Speaker 2: That he's in it for the sex and she's in 16 00:00:55,360 --> 00:00:55,960 Speaker 2: it for the money. 17 00:00:57,160 --> 00:00:58,800 Speaker 1: That was more succinct than I thought you were going 18 00:00:58,880 --> 00:00:59,040 Speaker 1: to be. 19 00:01:00,280 --> 00:01:03,880 Speaker 3: That is where most people go and they think who's 20 00:01:03,920 --> 00:01:07,919 Speaker 3: getting what out of this relationship because it doesn't seem 21 00:01:08,040 --> 00:01:11,360 Speaker 3: like one that would be natural. A lot of people say, 22 00:01:11,440 --> 00:01:14,520 Speaker 3: what do you have in common? So what would be 23 00:01:14,560 --> 00:01:17,840 Speaker 3: the motivation, and that's typically where people's minds go to. 24 00:01:18,240 --> 00:01:20,200 Speaker 1: All right, and this again, this person goes by c 25 00:01:20,560 --> 00:01:24,080 Speaker 1: and R wrote into us on our Yahoo column, and 26 00:01:24,240 --> 00:01:27,520 Speaker 1: ropes take them through the actual full scenario that he gave. 27 00:01:27,720 --> 00:01:30,960 Speaker 3: Yes. So this is what CNR asked us, Amy and TJ. 28 00:01:31,200 --> 00:01:34,920 Speaker 3: I'm fifty nine, she is nineteen. I'll wait while you 29 00:01:35,040 --> 00:01:38,680 Speaker 3: shake off the obvious initial reaction, the one that says 30 00:01:38,800 --> 00:01:42,039 Speaker 3: I'm a predator or at best simply with this young woman. 31 00:01:42,120 --> 00:01:43,040 Speaker 2: Because of the sex. 32 00:01:43,400 --> 00:01:46,119 Speaker 3: She and I have found intimacy at a level we 33 00:01:46,280 --> 00:01:51,000 Speaker 3: never thought existed while navigating the complexity of falling in love. 34 00:01:51,360 --> 00:01:54,600 Speaker 3: You guys, could not be more correct. Love is indeed messy. 35 00:01:55,160 --> 00:01:58,480 Speaker 3: Finding the courage to step off the cliff of settling 36 00:01:58,520 --> 00:02:01,600 Speaker 3: for less in hopes of experiencing the kind of love 37 00:02:01,640 --> 00:02:07,000 Speaker 3: that even the best poets, artists, and musicians can't fully describe, 38 00:02:07,560 --> 00:02:12,040 Speaker 3: is paralyzing. She and I are currently standing on that cliff. 39 00:02:12,360 --> 00:02:16,680 Speaker 3: Can you offer some non judgmental feedback about how or 40 00:02:16,840 --> 00:02:20,560 Speaker 3: whether to pursue this relationship. Hope to hear from you, 41 00:02:20,639 --> 00:02:24,399 Speaker 3: and congratulations on stepping off that cliff yourselves. 42 00:02:24,840 --> 00:02:28,880 Speaker 1: I okay, non judgment We should start there, right, non judgmental. 43 00:02:29,400 --> 00:02:31,960 Speaker 1: If you're not hurting yourself or hurting somebody else, do 44 00:02:32,040 --> 00:02:35,160 Speaker 1: your thing. So people are into or they're into. And 45 00:02:35,440 --> 00:02:38,600 Speaker 1: also the other thing we should say here love comes 46 00:02:38,600 --> 00:02:42,360 Speaker 1: in all kinds of forms, and we're not here to 47 00:02:42,560 --> 00:02:44,320 Speaker 1: judge it. So we have to start. 48 00:02:44,080 --> 00:02:46,440 Speaker 2: There absolutely completely agree. 49 00:02:46,520 --> 00:02:48,440 Speaker 1: Okay, And all we have to go on is are 50 00:02:48,480 --> 00:02:50,760 Speaker 1: the details that he gave us. So we're going to 51 00:02:50,840 --> 00:02:53,480 Speaker 1: get into some comments that and this was our biggest 52 00:02:53,480 --> 00:02:54,720 Speaker 1: response we've gotten. Right. 53 00:02:54,919 --> 00:02:59,240 Speaker 3: We had three and a half thousand comments in counting. 54 00:03:00,560 --> 00:03:02,280 Speaker 2: So yes, a lot of folks wait in. 55 00:03:02,680 --> 00:03:05,920 Speaker 3: Oh at the time of this recording, thousands of you 56 00:03:07,360 --> 00:03:07,799 Speaker 3: wait in. 57 00:03:09,280 --> 00:03:15,560 Speaker 1: But our advice initially when my reaction was I couldn't, 58 00:03:15,600 --> 00:03:19,440 Speaker 1: in good conscious conscience say to him, go for it, buddy, 59 00:03:20,160 --> 00:03:23,400 Speaker 1: You just can't. As parents, you think about kids. We 60 00:03:23,440 --> 00:03:24,919 Speaker 1: have a nineteen year old in the house all the time, 61 00:03:25,280 --> 00:03:27,359 Speaker 1: all the time. She's a freshman in college. But analyst 62 00:03:27,440 --> 00:03:29,520 Speaker 1: just went off to college. She is nineteen right now, 63 00:03:29,880 --> 00:03:31,840 Speaker 1: to think about what she is doing in her life, 64 00:03:32,040 --> 00:03:34,440 Speaker 1: going to work as a barista, can't wait to get 65 00:03:34,440 --> 00:03:36,080 Speaker 1: off work so she can go to happy hour with 66 00:03:36,120 --> 00:03:38,240 Speaker 1: her friends. Can't wait till then go out with her friend. Oh, 67 00:03:38,280 --> 00:03:40,520 Speaker 1: I'm going over to Brooklyn and she's doing kid things, 68 00:03:40,720 --> 00:03:42,280 Speaker 1: and at the same time, she has to call you 69 00:03:42,280 --> 00:03:44,320 Speaker 1: at least twice a week with an emergency because she 70 00:03:44,360 --> 00:03:45,320 Speaker 1: can't find her keys. 71 00:03:45,520 --> 00:03:48,080 Speaker 2: Twice a week. I was like, twice a day, okay. 72 00:03:48,120 --> 00:03:52,080 Speaker 1: But the points she's a kid, an absolute kid, and 73 00:03:52,160 --> 00:03:54,680 Speaker 1: to think about a fifty nine year old man, My 74 00:03:54,880 --> 00:03:57,560 Speaker 1: initial thought was just there seems to be so much 75 00:03:57,560 --> 00:04:00,240 Speaker 1: of her life she's missing out on by being with 76 00:04:00,280 --> 00:04:03,560 Speaker 1: a fifty nine year old man. What do you want 77 00:04:03,960 --> 00:04:06,840 Speaker 1: to take that from her? I'm trying to embrace the 78 00:04:06,920 --> 00:04:09,920 Speaker 1: love and the idea of it, but this is just difficult. 79 00:04:10,080 --> 00:04:12,200 Speaker 1: And that was kind of my summary of what my 80 00:04:12,560 --> 00:04:13,000 Speaker 1: thought was. 81 00:04:13,200 --> 00:04:18,919 Speaker 3: Yeah, and again I am also fully supportive of grown 82 00:04:18,920 --> 00:04:21,799 Speaker 3: adults doing what they want to do and not basing 83 00:04:21,880 --> 00:04:24,720 Speaker 3: their decisions on what other people think of them. However, 84 00:04:25,160 --> 00:04:27,760 Speaker 3: I understand where he's coming from in the sense that, 85 00:04:27,800 --> 00:04:29,800 Speaker 3: of course people are going to roll their eyes, and 86 00:04:29,839 --> 00:04:32,080 Speaker 3: of course people are going to assume the worst, and 87 00:04:32,160 --> 00:04:34,440 Speaker 3: I don't want to do that. But yes, I do 88 00:04:34,480 --> 00:04:37,080 Speaker 3: have a nineteen year old so I do have some 89 00:04:37,400 --> 00:04:41,200 Speaker 3: perspective as to what nineteen year olds. I remember being nineteen, 90 00:04:41,200 --> 00:04:43,679 Speaker 3: but when you're nineteen, you think you're so much older 91 00:04:43,680 --> 00:04:46,320 Speaker 3: than you are. And the thing I've always told my daughters, 92 00:04:46,320 --> 00:04:48,839 Speaker 3: and it drives them crazy, is you don't know what 93 00:04:48,960 --> 00:04:51,279 Speaker 3: you don't know. And I'm sure he, as a fifty 94 00:04:51,360 --> 00:04:51,800 Speaker 3: nine year. 95 00:04:51,720 --> 00:04:54,960 Speaker 2: Old, fully understands that as well. And so I really don't. 96 00:04:54,839 --> 00:04:58,280 Speaker 3: Think it's as much about an age gap as it 97 00:04:58,360 --> 00:05:01,720 Speaker 3: is her age. If this were happening ten years from now, 98 00:05:01,720 --> 00:05:03,800 Speaker 3: when he was sixty nine and she was twenty nine, 99 00:05:04,360 --> 00:05:06,320 Speaker 3: I might feel a little bit differently about it, because 100 00:05:06,320 --> 00:05:09,160 Speaker 3: she would have had her twenties to kind of figure 101 00:05:09,160 --> 00:05:11,320 Speaker 3: out who she is, and we're always figuring out who 102 00:05:11,320 --> 00:05:12,839 Speaker 3: we are. I get that, but I think this is 103 00:05:12,880 --> 00:05:15,760 Speaker 3: more of a power imbalance too, And maybe he would 104 00:05:15,760 --> 00:05:17,400 Speaker 3: say that's not a part of it, but how could 105 00:05:17,400 --> 00:05:20,039 Speaker 3: it not be. And so that makes me a little 106 00:05:20,040 --> 00:05:23,320 Speaker 3: bit nervous for her and maybe even for him too, 107 00:05:23,400 --> 00:05:25,400 Speaker 3: because you don't want to be with someone who you 108 00:05:25,480 --> 00:05:28,200 Speaker 3: are controlling or who you have control over, even if 109 00:05:28,200 --> 00:05:29,960 Speaker 3: you're not trying to exert that control. 110 00:05:30,640 --> 00:05:32,200 Speaker 2: It kind of has to exist. 111 00:05:32,400 --> 00:05:35,680 Speaker 3: Maybe yes, from a financial standpoint, but also just from 112 00:05:35,680 --> 00:05:40,360 Speaker 3: an experience standpoint. There is a huge experience gap, and 113 00:05:40,480 --> 00:05:42,120 Speaker 3: that would be the biggest concern for me. 114 00:05:42,800 --> 00:05:45,360 Speaker 1: The line here, I mean the way he puts it. 115 00:05:45,400 --> 00:05:49,800 Speaker 1: He said, we have found intimacy at a level we 116 00:05:49,880 --> 00:05:54,560 Speaker 1: never thought existed while navigating the complexity of falling in love. 117 00:05:55,560 --> 00:05:59,520 Speaker 1: She doesn't have any idea what falling in love is. 118 00:05:59,800 --> 00:06:03,599 Speaker 1: That young lady has no idea about a level of 119 00:06:03,720 --> 00:06:07,920 Speaker 1: intimacy that she's never had before because she's never had it. 120 00:06:07,960 --> 00:06:11,480 Speaker 1: She's nineteen. I don't care what experience in relationships she's 121 00:06:11,560 --> 00:06:14,760 Speaker 1: had the past several years of her life, when she's 122 00:06:14,800 --> 00:06:17,760 Speaker 1: been dating her little junior high school boyfriend or whatever. 123 00:06:17,920 --> 00:06:22,560 Speaker 1: It just doesn't compare. So he sounds passionate and enthusia. 124 00:06:22,600 --> 00:06:25,160 Speaker 1: He might believe what he's saying. How could she have 125 00:06:25,279 --> 00:06:26,360 Speaker 1: the same experience? 126 00:06:26,760 --> 00:06:30,120 Speaker 3: Yes, And I will say, as a fifty two year old, 127 00:06:30,760 --> 00:06:34,080 Speaker 3: I have never had the level of intimacy that I've 128 00:06:34,080 --> 00:06:38,400 Speaker 3: had with you. But I have, you know, at least 129 00:06:38,720 --> 00:06:42,960 Speaker 3: thirty five plus years of experience in relationships to compare 130 00:06:43,000 --> 00:06:46,800 Speaker 3: it to. So she clearly does not. And we're always 131 00:06:46,880 --> 00:06:48,599 Speaker 3: learning and we're always growing. But I think when you 132 00:06:48,600 --> 00:06:53,760 Speaker 3: start talking about poets and movies and songs, I know 133 00:06:53,800 --> 00:06:56,479 Speaker 3: what that feeling is, and that's infatuation, is it not? 134 00:06:56,880 --> 00:07:01,000 Speaker 3: Because love to me is when all of that maybe 135 00:07:01,040 --> 00:07:05,680 Speaker 3: even quiets down, and it's that beautiful connection and commitment 136 00:07:05,839 --> 00:07:08,400 Speaker 3: and friendship and partnership that ensusan Yes, you can have 137 00:07:08,440 --> 00:07:13,960 Speaker 3: the sexual attraction, but that initial youphoric burst that is 138 00:07:14,080 --> 00:07:17,440 Speaker 3: more a feeling of being in love versus a feeling 139 00:07:17,440 --> 00:07:18,680 Speaker 3: of actually loving someone. 140 00:07:18,760 --> 00:07:20,200 Speaker 1: We don't have a time here, so we don't know 141 00:07:20,240 --> 00:07:20,880 Speaker 1: how long. 142 00:07:20,760 --> 00:07:22,920 Speaker 3: They are actually, well, I would get it, hope it 143 00:07:22,920 --> 00:07:24,200 Speaker 3: would only be a year. 144 00:07:24,160 --> 00:07:25,880 Speaker 1: A year because she years plus. 145 00:07:25,880 --> 00:07:28,040 Speaker 2: Maybe we just hope she would. Yes, we would hope 146 00:07:28,040 --> 00:07:28,840 Speaker 2: that she was eighteen. 147 00:07:28,920 --> 00:07:31,680 Speaker 1: So let's just fifty eight eighteen sounds worse it. 148 00:07:31,680 --> 00:07:34,280 Speaker 3: Actually does, but let's just assume, because I'm going to 149 00:07:34,320 --> 00:07:36,520 Speaker 3: assume that he did not decide to date her until 150 00:07:36,520 --> 00:07:38,520 Speaker 3: she was at least eighteen, So they've got a year, 151 00:07:38,640 --> 00:07:39,520 Speaker 3: year and a half tops. 152 00:07:39,520 --> 00:07:42,480 Speaker 1: Okay, one more thing before we get into the comments 153 00:07:42,560 --> 00:07:46,040 Speaker 1: and the thoughts that people wrote in into us about 154 00:07:47,520 --> 00:07:50,520 Speaker 1: can we go and try have you tried to take 155 00:07:50,600 --> 00:07:56,160 Speaker 1: him at everything at his word at its face, that 156 00:07:56,240 --> 00:07:59,440 Speaker 1: this is real and this is true and these two 157 00:07:59,480 --> 00:08:03,040 Speaker 1: people are genuinely in love and now what do we 158 00:08:03,120 --> 00:08:03,440 Speaker 1: do with it? 159 00:08:03,640 --> 00:08:06,520 Speaker 2: Yeah, and you know what, Only they know that. Only 160 00:08:06,560 --> 00:08:07,080 Speaker 2: they know that. 161 00:08:07,120 --> 00:08:10,120 Speaker 3: And I would never say that isn't possible, because I 162 00:08:10,160 --> 00:08:14,520 Speaker 3: have certainly met nineteen year olds who are old souls. 163 00:08:14,600 --> 00:08:20,120 Speaker 3: And we've all met younger folks who act and really 164 00:08:20,200 --> 00:08:23,040 Speaker 3: kind of react in a much more mature way than 165 00:08:23,120 --> 00:08:24,120 Speaker 3: a lot of older folks do. 166 00:08:24,480 --> 00:08:25,320 Speaker 2: So that is true. 167 00:08:25,320 --> 00:08:28,520 Speaker 3: And then there older folks who stay young. I mean, 168 00:08:28,840 --> 00:08:29,800 Speaker 3: I think I'm one. 169 00:08:29,640 --> 00:08:33,679 Speaker 2: Of those people. I feel like I act and. 170 00:08:33,640 --> 00:08:36,360 Speaker 3: I'm hopefully not throwing myself under the bus here, but yeah, 171 00:08:36,440 --> 00:08:40,080 Speaker 3: I act younger than my age. I enjoy things that 172 00:08:40,120 --> 00:08:42,320 Speaker 3: a lot of folks my age don't enjoy. So my 173 00:08:42,400 --> 00:08:46,480 Speaker 3: friends tend to be younger because that's just how I roll. 174 00:08:46,559 --> 00:08:48,920 Speaker 2: So I'm if I a younger boyfriend, I do have 175 00:08:48,960 --> 00:08:49,800 Speaker 2: a younger boyfriend. 176 00:08:49,880 --> 00:08:52,679 Speaker 1: No, it sounds like you need a younger A younger boyfriend. 177 00:08:52,720 --> 00:08:55,000 Speaker 2: Oh no, I think four and a half years is perfect. 178 00:08:55,480 --> 00:08:57,839 Speaker 1: No, you need much younger, as youthful as you say 179 00:08:57,880 --> 00:08:58,199 Speaker 1: you are. 180 00:08:58,480 --> 00:08:59,160 Speaker 2: No, no, no, no for it. 181 00:08:59,240 --> 00:09:00,440 Speaker 1: It's not like I'm going to be able to keep 182 00:09:00,520 --> 00:09:00,840 Speaker 1: up with you. 183 00:09:02,360 --> 00:09:05,200 Speaker 3: Uh No, I think we're matched in energy, and I 184 00:09:05,240 --> 00:09:07,040 Speaker 3: do think that that is part of it. So maybe 185 00:09:07,080 --> 00:09:11,280 Speaker 3: he is, you know, looking for excitement, and he has 186 00:09:11,320 --> 00:09:14,120 Speaker 3: that energy and that spark about him. And maybe she 187 00:09:14,440 --> 00:09:17,080 Speaker 3: likes to stay home and watch Netflix and chill and 188 00:09:17,120 --> 00:09:19,040 Speaker 3: she's not about going to the clubs and partying. But 189 00:09:19,520 --> 00:09:22,040 Speaker 3: you know, so much changes. You can be one thing 190 00:09:22,040 --> 00:09:24,760 Speaker 3: at nineteen, another thing at twenty three, and a whole 191 00:09:24,800 --> 00:09:27,760 Speaker 3: other thing at twenty five. You know, It's just that's 192 00:09:27,800 --> 00:09:29,640 Speaker 3: what I would be concerned about if I were him. 193 00:09:30,920 --> 00:09:32,880 Speaker 3: How much is she going to change? He's kind of 194 00:09:32,920 --> 00:09:34,640 Speaker 3: where he is and where he's going to be. 195 00:09:35,040 --> 00:09:35,880 Speaker 1: She's nineteen. 196 00:09:36,000 --> 00:09:36,680 Speaker 2: She's nineteen. 197 00:09:36,720 --> 00:09:39,480 Speaker 1: She doesn't even know all the things she wants from Sophora. 198 00:09:39,600 --> 00:09:43,280 Speaker 1: Yet she doesn't. She doesn't know what sports she's really into. 199 00:09:43,440 --> 00:09:46,000 Speaker 2: She can't order a beer, yeah, and she. 200 00:09:45,960 --> 00:09:49,560 Speaker 1: Doesn't know I can't. How can you date someone when 201 00:09:49,600 --> 00:09:52,840 Speaker 1: they ask what are you guys drinking? And they actually 202 00:09:52,840 --> 00:09:54,120 Speaker 1: don't know what their options are? 203 00:09:54,840 --> 00:09:55,000 Speaker 3: Right? 204 00:09:55,440 --> 00:09:56,880 Speaker 2: She can't rent a car. 205 00:09:56,960 --> 00:09:58,640 Speaker 1: She can no twenty five. 206 00:09:58,720 --> 00:10:01,480 Speaker 3: Yes, she can't rent a house. She can't get a 207 00:10:01,520 --> 00:10:03,960 Speaker 3: verbo or an airbnb. I when you start putting that 208 00:10:04,000 --> 00:10:06,960 Speaker 3: into perspective, there's a reason why all of these stop 209 00:10:06,960 --> 00:10:11,400 Speaker 3: gaps are put in place. She's not considered capable of 210 00:10:11,440 --> 00:10:17,360 Speaker 3: making serious decisions like getting a drink or getting behind 211 00:10:17,360 --> 00:10:20,560 Speaker 3: the wheel of a hurts vehicle. There are reasons why 212 00:10:20,600 --> 00:10:23,520 Speaker 3: those safety precautions are put in place and having age restrictions, 213 00:10:23,559 --> 00:10:27,480 Speaker 3: and I just would maybe keep that in mind. When 214 00:10:27,520 --> 00:10:30,600 Speaker 3: you're fifty nine, you do understand this, but I understand 215 00:10:30,640 --> 00:10:33,120 Speaker 3: you can get swept up in the feelings and maybe 216 00:10:33,160 --> 00:10:33,600 Speaker 3: it is real. 217 00:10:33,600 --> 00:10:34,280 Speaker 2: I don't want to say it. 218 00:10:34,320 --> 00:10:37,040 Speaker 1: Is authentic, and those can be authentic. The next thing 219 00:10:37,120 --> 00:10:38,720 Speaker 1: is just what do you do about it. It's just 220 00:10:38,760 --> 00:10:41,360 Speaker 1: a tough one. We certainly wish them the best, but 221 00:10:41,400 --> 00:10:44,160 Speaker 1: a lot of people. Again, like we said, thousands of 222 00:10:44,200 --> 00:10:46,560 Speaker 1: folks wrote in and people were dying to chime in 223 00:10:46,600 --> 00:10:48,400 Speaker 1: on this. When we come back quick break here. When 224 00:10:48,400 --> 00:10:50,560 Speaker 1: we come back, we're going to tell you. We're going 225 00:10:50,600 --> 00:10:53,040 Speaker 1: to read for you some of the comments, and they 226 00:10:53,080 --> 00:10:55,960 Speaker 1: went a few different directions. One was yes, this must 227 00:10:56,040 --> 00:11:00,880 Speaker 1: be about money. Another theme was hey, adult, do you 228 00:11:01,200 --> 00:11:04,040 Speaker 1: And then somebody that goes by the name of B 229 00:11:04,400 --> 00:11:08,520 Speaker 1: Diddy wrote in to us and actually brought it all home. 230 00:11:08,960 --> 00:11:10,960 Speaker 1: Stay here and. 231 00:11:19,360 --> 00:11:22,880 Speaker 3: Welcome back everyone to this edition of Ask Amy and TJ. 232 00:11:23,080 --> 00:11:26,800 Speaker 3: We are talking about our latest Yahoo Life column, our 233 00:11:26,840 --> 00:11:30,679 Speaker 3: relationship advice column, where C and R wrote into us 234 00:11:30,800 --> 00:11:34,240 Speaker 3: asking about his relationship. Yeah, he's fifty nine, she's nineteen, 235 00:11:34,320 --> 00:11:36,640 Speaker 3: and you all had a lot to say about it. 236 00:11:36,920 --> 00:11:39,720 Speaker 3: We're going to start with RJ, who wrote into the 237 00:11:39,760 --> 00:11:44,439 Speaker 3: Yahoo page and said this, don't know why he's even asking. 238 00:11:44,800 --> 00:11:48,000 Speaker 3: Just enjoy it while you can. Age is just a number. 239 00:11:48,360 --> 00:11:51,400 Speaker 3: I'm fifty eight and he put this in quotes. I'm 240 00:11:51,440 --> 00:11:53,640 Speaker 3: not really I'm not really sure what this means. And 241 00:11:53,960 --> 00:11:56,520 Speaker 3: date many under thirty year old. 242 00:11:56,559 --> 00:11:57,160 Speaker 1: You know what he means. 243 00:11:57,200 --> 00:12:00,280 Speaker 3: I know what he means. He likes to have some 244 00:12:00,320 --> 00:12:05,040 Speaker 3: situationships with many under thirty year old's youngest being nineteen, 245 00:12:05,160 --> 00:12:07,840 Speaker 3: So while he really does know what CNR is going 246 00:12:07,840 --> 00:12:11,240 Speaker 3: through now twenty and I've dated five to ten years older. 247 00:12:11,640 --> 00:12:14,920 Speaker 3: You can have lots in common with people of all ages. 248 00:12:15,240 --> 00:12:19,120 Speaker 3: You can fall in love with anyone and it's just fine, Yolo, 249 00:12:19,559 --> 00:12:22,760 Speaker 3: live your life for you and don't worry about other people. 250 00:12:23,840 --> 00:12:27,800 Speaker 1: I am initially fascinated that he's dated someone who is nineteen, 251 00:12:27,840 --> 00:12:31,240 Speaker 1: but al somebody ten years younger. He's dated women in 252 00:12:31,280 --> 00:12:34,560 Speaker 1: the range between nineteen and sixty nine years. 253 00:12:34,320 --> 00:12:35,800 Speaker 2: Old, just about that's wild. 254 00:12:36,679 --> 00:12:39,800 Speaker 1: Wow, he's got to pick a lane. We need him 255 00:12:39,800 --> 00:12:40,319 Speaker 1: to pick alane. 256 00:12:40,360 --> 00:12:42,199 Speaker 2: Actually, I think he just really likes women. 257 00:12:43,000 --> 00:12:47,280 Speaker 1: How about this Robes. Isn't there something to that? He's 258 00:12:47,320 --> 00:12:49,560 Speaker 1: just speaking strictly, not thinking about the woman at all, 259 00:12:49,720 --> 00:12:52,000 Speaker 1: not thinking about the young lady at all. And just 260 00:12:52,160 --> 00:12:54,480 Speaker 1: from the guy's perspective, you know what, man, if you 261 00:12:54,520 --> 00:12:56,600 Speaker 1: got a nineteen year old is willing to date you, 262 00:12:56,880 --> 00:12:58,520 Speaker 1: congratulations right, But. 263 00:12:58,600 --> 00:13:01,079 Speaker 3: And he put again the date in parentheses or sorry, 264 00:13:01,080 --> 00:13:05,160 Speaker 3: in quotations. So my thought is, yes, I totally applaud 265 00:13:05,240 --> 00:13:08,440 Speaker 3: his yolo. I certainly subscribe to living your life and 266 00:13:08,440 --> 00:13:11,160 Speaker 3: not worrying what other people think. But I don't know 267 00:13:11,200 --> 00:13:14,200 Speaker 3: how best. I don't know the best advice he's giving, 268 00:13:14,240 --> 00:13:16,080 Speaker 3: because he wasn't. He doesn't seem like he's looking for 269 00:13:16,160 --> 00:13:19,280 Speaker 3: love or a relationship or a partner. I think he's 270 00:13:19,320 --> 00:13:22,600 Speaker 3: looking for fun, and that's fine too. So it did 271 00:13:22,679 --> 00:13:26,160 Speaker 3: seem that C and R is looking for love, is 272 00:13:26,240 --> 00:13:28,439 Speaker 3: looking for a partner, is looking for a. 273 00:13:28,480 --> 00:13:29,800 Speaker 2: Long term love. 274 00:13:30,000 --> 00:13:31,920 Speaker 1: So r J's advice really isn't helpful. 275 00:13:31,960 --> 00:13:34,800 Speaker 2: And to this RJ is just like man play the field. 276 00:13:34,840 --> 00:13:37,480 Speaker 2: It's fun. Taken from me, I'm having a blast. 277 00:13:37,559 --> 00:13:39,880 Speaker 1: Okay, now we got the locker room talk, by of 278 00:13:39,920 --> 00:13:42,720 Speaker 1: the way. The next was Nicholas, and didn't you point 279 00:13:42,760 --> 00:13:44,400 Speaker 1: out that it's a bunch of dudes? 280 00:13:44,559 --> 00:13:47,400 Speaker 3: Yes, okay, every time we look at the common every 281 00:13:47,440 --> 00:13:50,080 Speaker 3: time this is our third column. But I have been 282 00:13:50,360 --> 00:13:52,560 Speaker 3: fascinated that more it seems. 283 00:13:52,920 --> 00:13:53,720 Speaker 2: I mean, I guess. 284 00:13:53,480 --> 00:13:55,760 Speaker 3: Women could say their name is a man's name, but 285 00:13:55,800 --> 00:14:01,200 Speaker 3: because it's all anonymous technically, but it seems like more men, significantly, 286 00:14:01,200 --> 00:14:03,760 Speaker 3: more men write in comments than women. 287 00:14:04,040 --> 00:14:05,719 Speaker 2: I would have thought it was the opposite. 288 00:14:06,080 --> 00:14:11,280 Speaker 1: Well, Nicholas chimed in this one ropes I would say this, 289 00:14:11,480 --> 00:14:15,080 Speaker 1: I think is probably the opinion most people have. This 290 00:14:15,160 --> 00:14:18,120 Speaker 1: one makes most sense to me, and Nicholas writes quote 291 00:14:18,480 --> 00:14:22,520 Speaker 1: anytime both parties are consenting adults, the answer is yes. 292 00:14:23,000 --> 00:14:26,160 Speaker 1: Now will it ever actually work? Highly unlikely. 293 00:14:26,640 --> 00:14:28,680 Speaker 2: Yes, that's kind of it. I kind of feel like 294 00:14:28,720 --> 00:14:29,280 Speaker 2: he nailed it. 295 00:14:29,600 --> 00:14:32,560 Speaker 3: Nicholas nailed it because really, I mean, look, normally, I 296 00:14:32,560 --> 00:14:34,400 Speaker 3: would say, hey, it's no one's business. And we have 297 00:14:34,480 --> 00:14:37,400 Speaker 3: said this before, because we've got the Bill Belichick situation 298 00:14:37,560 --> 00:14:39,880 Speaker 3: going on. That's a forty nine year age difference correct 299 00:14:39,880 --> 00:14:44,480 Speaker 3: between him and his girlfriend, and we have both said publicly, Hey, 300 00:14:44,920 --> 00:14:46,200 Speaker 3: let them do what they want to do. 301 00:14:46,360 --> 00:14:47,480 Speaker 2: Who are we to judge? 302 00:14:48,040 --> 00:14:50,520 Speaker 3: S and R is actually asking what we think, and 303 00:14:50,640 --> 00:14:54,120 Speaker 3: so I actually think that is probably the best answer. 304 00:14:54,720 --> 00:14:57,320 Speaker 3: You are consenting adults. Yes, if you want to go 305 00:14:57,440 --> 00:14:59,160 Speaker 3: for it, and you both want to go for it, 306 00:14:59,400 --> 00:14:59,800 Speaker 3: then go. 307 00:15:00,360 --> 00:15:02,520 Speaker 2: No one's stopping you. You're not breaking any laws. 308 00:15:02,720 --> 00:15:04,680 Speaker 1: But you got a lot up against you. There's the point. 309 00:15:04,680 --> 00:15:07,320 Speaker 1: There's a lot up against We haven't talked about friends 310 00:15:07,360 --> 00:15:09,520 Speaker 1: and family and what that difficulty is. I mean, he's 311 00:15:09,560 --> 00:15:11,160 Speaker 1: going to go to our high school graduation, to a 312 00:15:11,200 --> 00:15:14,720 Speaker 1: graduation party, to a college graduation party, and all those 313 00:15:14,800 --> 00:15:17,920 Speaker 1: kinds of things where older than the parents. 314 00:15:18,040 --> 00:15:20,520 Speaker 3: I was going to say, everyone is going to assume 315 00:15:20,520 --> 00:15:23,520 Speaker 3: that's her father, and I come from a family where 316 00:15:23,680 --> 00:15:26,240 Speaker 3: this is kind of crazy. But my grandparents were forty 317 00:15:26,280 --> 00:15:30,040 Speaker 3: when I was born, so they were My grandma was 318 00:15:30,120 --> 00:15:32,080 Speaker 3: in twenty one when she had my dad, and my 319 00:15:32,160 --> 00:15:36,400 Speaker 3: dad was nineteen when he had me. So that's really 320 00:15:36,400 --> 00:15:38,640 Speaker 3: bizarre to think that I could have been dating my grandpa. 321 00:15:38,920 --> 00:15:42,960 Speaker 3: So I have a skewed, skewed perspective just from that situation. 322 00:15:43,560 --> 00:15:46,360 Speaker 3: It's a little e for me, but that's just my 323 00:15:46,640 --> 00:15:49,720 Speaker 3: personal opinion. I never really liked older man. Case in point, 324 00:15:50,120 --> 00:15:51,200 Speaker 3: I'm dating a younger man. 325 00:15:51,840 --> 00:15:55,320 Speaker 1: This thing was sideways fast. I can't Oh, but I do. 326 00:15:55,320 --> 00:15:57,160 Speaker 2: Want to say one more thing, because you made something, 327 00:15:57,200 --> 00:16:00,840 Speaker 2: you made a really good point. We have we've walked 328 00:16:00,840 --> 00:16:01,280 Speaker 2: this walk. 329 00:16:01,400 --> 00:16:04,440 Speaker 3: Relationships are hard, even if you have a lot in common, 330 00:16:04,480 --> 00:16:06,760 Speaker 3: even if you come from the same background, from the 331 00:16:06,800 --> 00:16:09,400 Speaker 3: same hometown, and you're about the same age, and you've 332 00:16:09,440 --> 00:16:11,680 Speaker 3: had similar life experiences. 333 00:16:11,360 --> 00:16:13,720 Speaker 2: It's still so hard. 334 00:16:14,160 --> 00:16:16,440 Speaker 3: And then you add if you've got a religious difference, 335 00:16:16,600 --> 00:16:19,320 Speaker 3: that makes it harder. You've got a racial difference. We've 336 00:16:19,400 --> 00:16:22,200 Speaker 3: experienced that it makes it harder. Would you not agree? 337 00:16:22,280 --> 00:16:24,960 Speaker 1: Oh yeah, it does? Hell yeah, Look every little what 338 00:16:25,720 --> 00:16:27,600 Speaker 1: There are some things you sign up for that are 339 00:16:27,640 --> 00:16:30,080 Speaker 1: going to be challenges, but there are some things you 340 00:16:30,120 --> 00:16:33,280 Speaker 1: should sometimes you know better than to sign up for. 341 00:16:33,400 --> 00:16:36,280 Speaker 1: And is what love? Have you proven? A love so much? 342 00:16:36,320 --> 00:16:39,360 Speaker 1: Has it been tested? That's the line. Faith that has 343 00:16:39,440 --> 00:16:43,400 Speaker 1: not been tested cannot be trusted. Well, love that has 344 00:16:43,440 --> 00:16:46,080 Speaker 1: not been tested is difficult to trust as well. What 345 00:16:46,200 --> 00:16:49,480 Speaker 1: have they gone through as a couple, right, Somebody losing 346 00:16:49,560 --> 00:16:53,320 Speaker 1: the job, somebody having to move, somebody having an illness, 347 00:16:53,400 --> 00:16:57,000 Speaker 1: So all these things that they just haven't experienced yet. 348 00:16:57,040 --> 00:17:00,840 Speaker 1: It's possible, but it's just unlikely, is what someone say. 349 00:17:00,840 --> 00:17:01,920 Speaker 1: Can we finally hear from a woman? 350 00:17:01,920 --> 00:17:04,560 Speaker 3: Then yes, Lara, we got a woman who chimed in Lara. 351 00:17:04,640 --> 00:17:07,560 Speaker 3: I actually had to search for a woman's name, Lara. 352 00:17:07,640 --> 00:17:10,480 Speaker 3: I'm assuming this is a woman, so she's gonna represent 353 00:17:10,960 --> 00:17:14,800 Speaker 3: and she commented, I think where a lot of you 354 00:17:14,880 --> 00:17:17,560 Speaker 3: all might be the only question that needs to be 355 00:17:17,640 --> 00:17:21,359 Speaker 3: asked is how much money you have and are giving her. 356 00:17:21,600 --> 00:17:25,399 Speaker 3: If money weren't involved, which one hundred percent guarantee it is, 357 00:17:25,720 --> 00:17:29,159 Speaker 3: and you were poor, you wouldn't have a nineteen year 358 00:17:29,200 --> 00:17:29,840 Speaker 3: old girlfriend. 359 00:17:30,160 --> 00:17:31,959 Speaker 1: I don't know. I don't know. 360 00:17:32,640 --> 00:17:34,840 Speaker 2: Maybe he's super hot, maybe. 361 00:17:34,920 --> 00:17:37,000 Speaker 1: Super hot and poor. 362 00:17:39,160 --> 00:17:43,520 Speaker 3: Or he's super or he's super charismatic. Maybe he's super funny. 363 00:17:43,600 --> 00:17:46,200 Speaker 3: A lot of women like funny men. But maybe Look, 364 00:17:46,200 --> 00:17:48,919 Speaker 3: there's a lot of maybes. She could have a missing 365 00:17:48,960 --> 00:17:51,040 Speaker 3: part of her heart. She may want a father figure, 366 00:17:51,119 --> 00:17:52,920 Speaker 3: she may have missed out on that in her life, 367 00:17:52,920 --> 00:17:55,200 Speaker 3: and she wants to feel protected, she wants to feel safe, 368 00:17:55,240 --> 00:17:57,400 Speaker 3: and he makes her feel all of those things. There 369 00:17:57,480 --> 00:17:58,320 Speaker 3: are more things. 370 00:17:58,520 --> 00:18:02,320 Speaker 1: Maybe, well, maybe he just a normal guy. Yeah, with 371 00:18:02,440 --> 00:18:06,520 Speaker 1: a normal job and looks normal and she's just a 372 00:18:06,560 --> 00:18:08,520 Speaker 1: normal girl. I just want to make sure we insert 373 00:18:08,600 --> 00:18:12,680 Speaker 1: that possibility that there is nothing extreme or extraordinary. Yes, 374 00:18:13,640 --> 00:18:16,000 Speaker 1: maybe she's the rich one. I don't know what's happening. 375 00:18:16,080 --> 00:18:16,600 Speaker 1: I just don't know. 376 00:18:17,240 --> 00:18:20,120 Speaker 3: Yeah, it depends on her background and what she's experienced, 377 00:18:20,160 --> 00:18:22,360 Speaker 3: and the types of relationships she's seen and the type 378 00:18:22,400 --> 00:18:24,879 Speaker 3: of boys. I should say, because they were boys, I'm 379 00:18:24,920 --> 00:18:27,760 Speaker 3: assuming who she dated before, But I really do. This 380 00:18:27,840 --> 00:18:29,479 Speaker 3: kind of takes me to a place where I do 381 00:18:29,560 --> 00:18:33,200 Speaker 3: think the older I get in life. Yes, of course, 382 00:18:33,200 --> 00:18:36,440 Speaker 3: some women are looking for money, and that's the security 383 00:18:36,440 --> 00:18:38,760 Speaker 3: they're looking for. But I think most women, and I 384 00:18:38,760 --> 00:18:42,600 Speaker 3: think most people are looking for emotional safety. And if 385 00:18:42,600 --> 00:18:45,840 Speaker 3: she feels emotionally safe with him, she feels like she 386 00:18:45,920 --> 00:18:47,320 Speaker 3: hit the jackpot, no matter how. 387 00:18:47,160 --> 00:18:49,400 Speaker 1: Old he is and no matter how much money has. 388 00:18:49,600 --> 00:18:51,520 Speaker 2: I think that's absolutely possible. 389 00:18:51,560 --> 00:18:54,280 Speaker 3: It's not about money, So Lara, I get it, And 390 00:18:54,320 --> 00:18:55,960 Speaker 3: that is a very easy thing to go to and 391 00:18:56,000 --> 00:18:57,920 Speaker 3: it could possibly be true, but I think it could 392 00:18:57,920 --> 00:18:58,439 Speaker 3: be more than that. 393 00:18:58,840 --> 00:19:01,080 Speaker 1: The last one we'll give you here from someone who 394 00:19:01,320 --> 00:19:05,480 Speaker 1: robes kind of has apparently walked the walk and came 395 00:19:05,520 --> 00:19:08,240 Speaker 1: here to talk the talk, and I appreciate it actually 396 00:19:08,280 --> 00:19:12,199 Speaker 1: as open as B Ditty is what the name is. 397 00:19:12,200 --> 00:19:13,840 Speaker 1: But B Diddy wrote in with this. 398 00:19:14,040 --> 00:19:16,920 Speaker 3: Yes, he said, when I was forty four, three years 399 00:19:16,960 --> 00:19:19,840 Speaker 3: after my divorce, I found myself getting involved with a 400 00:19:19,960 --> 00:19:21,400 Speaker 3: gorgeous nineteen year old. 401 00:19:21,720 --> 00:19:23,960 Speaker 2: He says, she pursued me. 402 00:19:24,600 --> 00:19:28,360 Speaker 3: She was not just willing, but seeking a physical relationship 403 00:19:28,400 --> 00:19:31,360 Speaker 3: as well as romantic. Now I'm thinking I hit the lottery. 404 00:19:31,520 --> 00:19:35,400 Speaker 3: This is the dream, right. This wasn't daddy issues or anything. 405 00:19:35,480 --> 00:19:38,480 Speaker 3: She was smart, going to school, had a job, and 406 00:19:38,520 --> 00:19:41,560 Speaker 3: by no means am I rich. So there was no 407 00:19:41,640 --> 00:19:44,480 Speaker 3: gold digging going on. But when it came down to it, 408 00:19:44,680 --> 00:19:47,960 Speaker 3: I couldn't do that to her. She's still two or 409 00:19:47,960 --> 00:19:49,919 Speaker 3: three years from being able to go to the club, 410 00:19:50,200 --> 00:19:53,560 Speaker 3: and I'm well past my bar hopping days. I don't 411 00:19:53,560 --> 00:19:56,320 Speaker 3: want to deny her any opportunities. I know some people 412 00:19:56,359 --> 00:19:59,080 Speaker 3: say just let her go on her own. Couples don't 413 00:19:59,080 --> 00:20:01,520 Speaker 3: have to do everything together, but eventually she'll want to 414 00:20:01,520 --> 00:20:03,719 Speaker 3: do stuff with her boyfriend, and I don't want her 415 00:20:03,720 --> 00:20:07,679 Speaker 3: to choose me over all the experiences she should be 416 00:20:07,760 --> 00:20:10,960 Speaker 3: having in her twenties. It's not an age gap, it's 417 00:20:11,040 --> 00:20:14,320 Speaker 3: a life experience one. And I'm not saying it can't work, 418 00:20:14,760 --> 00:20:17,919 Speaker 3: but it's so rare that it can work. I wish 419 00:20:18,080 --> 00:20:21,359 Speaker 3: them luck. That is so well said. And somebody who's 420 00:20:21,359 --> 00:20:22,520 Speaker 3: walked the walk, yes. 421 00:20:22,320 --> 00:20:23,960 Speaker 1: Has been through it. And that's why I had to 422 00:20:23,960 --> 00:20:25,639 Speaker 1: sit up and have to pay attention and have to 423 00:20:25,760 --> 00:20:28,800 Speaker 1: respect what b didd he said. That was my comment 424 00:20:28,800 --> 00:20:31,040 Speaker 1: at the end of our column said, if you love 425 00:20:31,080 --> 00:20:33,080 Speaker 1: that girl, you might have to let that girl go. Yeah, 426 00:20:33,119 --> 00:20:36,480 Speaker 1: and that's tough, but that's if this was a friend 427 00:20:36,480 --> 00:20:39,040 Speaker 1: of mine fifty eight or fifty nine day to nineteen 428 00:20:39,080 --> 00:20:41,920 Speaker 1: year old, that's the conversation I would have my man. 429 00:20:42,480 --> 00:20:44,919 Speaker 1: Conversation about her is not about him? Hey, is she 430 00:20:45,000 --> 00:20:46,240 Speaker 1: going to be there for you? Is she going to 431 00:20:46,240 --> 00:20:46,639 Speaker 1: take care of you? 432 00:20:46,680 --> 00:20:46,760 Speaker 3: No? 433 00:20:46,680 --> 00:20:48,800 Speaker 1: No, no, be about what are you doing to her? 434 00:20:48,880 --> 00:20:51,200 Speaker 1: What is her life going to look like? So I 435 00:20:51,480 --> 00:20:54,560 Speaker 1: appreciated that person writing in and if all that's true, 436 00:20:54,560 --> 00:20:56,359 Speaker 1: then being as open as they were about it. 437 00:20:56,440 --> 00:20:59,479 Speaker 3: Yeah. And you know, we had a friend a couple 438 00:20:59,600 --> 00:21:02,879 Speaker 3: that had a very large age gap, but she was 439 00:21:02,960 --> 00:21:07,080 Speaker 3: in her thirties and he was in his sixties. He 440 00:21:07,160 --> 00:21:09,200 Speaker 3: was older than her father, and they made it work 441 00:21:09,240 --> 00:21:12,320 Speaker 3: for about five years. But eventually, exactly what b Didty 442 00:21:12,400 --> 00:21:15,520 Speaker 3: is talking about happened. She decided she did want to 443 00:21:15,560 --> 00:21:18,320 Speaker 3: have kids. She decided she did want to do things 444 00:21:18,359 --> 00:21:20,840 Speaker 3: that he just wasn't going to be able to provide 445 00:21:20,840 --> 00:21:23,000 Speaker 3: her at his age, or he wasn't willing to provide her, 446 00:21:23,080 --> 00:21:27,080 Speaker 3: including kids. So those are all discussions at nineteen. Did 447 00:21:27,080 --> 00:21:28,760 Speaker 3: you even know if he wanted to have kids or not? 448 00:21:28,840 --> 00:21:30,439 Speaker 3: I mean I kind of said I didn't when I 449 00:21:30,480 --> 00:21:33,560 Speaker 3: was nineteen, but then I changed my mind. 450 00:21:33,359 --> 00:21:35,240 Speaker 1: And you got those two little angels. 451 00:21:35,280 --> 00:21:37,760 Speaker 2: Now They're so perfect, aren't they. 452 00:21:39,359 --> 00:21:41,480 Speaker 3: But we want to we want to thank CNR for 453 00:21:41,520 --> 00:21:45,680 Speaker 3: writing in and for everyone who continues to ask us questions. 454 00:21:46,200 --> 00:21:49,280 Speaker 3: That is certainly, well, that's our coffee machine going. 455 00:21:49,119 --> 00:21:50,520 Speaker 1: Off, that's my coffee. 456 00:21:50,840 --> 00:21:54,480 Speaker 3: Sure, and yes, and it's late in the afternoon, so 457 00:21:54,520 --> 00:21:58,360 Speaker 3: I needed a little pick me up during the afternoon, 458 00:21:58,440 --> 00:22:00,679 Speaker 3: So sorry about that. But no, we we do encourage 459 00:22:00,720 --> 00:22:03,080 Speaker 3: people to write in because it gets us thinking. But 460 00:22:03,200 --> 00:22:06,280 Speaker 3: it gets everyone thinking about what matters and what helps 461 00:22:06,320 --> 00:22:09,520 Speaker 3: make relationships better, So we appreciate it. And yeah, keep 462 00:22:09,560 --> 00:22:12,600 Speaker 3: on commenting too, because we're loving the comments. They certainly 463 00:22:12,680 --> 00:22:15,680 Speaker 3: keep the conversation going, So thanks for listening. To this 464 00:22:15,800 --> 00:22:18,760 Speaker 3: edition of Amy and TJ. We will see you soon.