Speaker 1: Hello everyone, and welcome back to Alchemy. This it's another
Speaker 1: episode and I am still your guest host, James Heeney.
Speaker 1: I'm sitting in for Kevin Pollock today. Let's meet our
Speaker 1: alchemists in this order. It's it's the same order as
Speaker 1: last time. Cool, it's it's in the repetitive order. Cole
Speaker 1: at what age? Oh? And first of all, just say cool, welcome.
Speaker 1: How are you today? I'm great, James, thanks for having
Speaker 1: me again in particularly at this order. Thank you, thanks
Speaker 1: for following this order a second time with me. I
Speaker 1: found another question that I'm really interested in hearing the
Speaker 1: answer of at what age did you transition from listening
Speaker 1: to children's music to listening to adult music? You know,
Speaker 1: because you've got like a really great adult tasted music,
Speaker 1: And like, I listened to kids music till I was
Speaker 1: in probably junior high. It wasn't like one day I
Speaker 1: was like Dad turned off Raffie put on Leonard Cohen.
Speaker 1: Let's go okay, I know what it's not like, but
Speaker 1: what was it like? What was the transition? Like, I mean,
Speaker 1: I think okay, so like I always listened to I
Speaker 1: don't know if I ever really listened to children's music
Speaker 1: I didn't listen like kids Bop or any of that bullshit.
Speaker 1: Like I think I just listened to whatever, like the
Speaker 1: Muppet Movie soundtrack or um, like my whatever. My parents
Speaker 1: are listening to a lot of Steely Dan if that's
Speaker 1: the kids music. You know, kids love that lyrical play
Speaker 1: of Donalds began, um, and then you know, then a
Speaker 1: lot of like whatever was popular at the time they
Speaker 1: grew up in the eighties, so you know a lot
Speaker 1: of Wham and You Too and that kind of stuff,
Speaker 1: and then a lot of rap and Junior High, and
Speaker 1: then Nirvana's never Mind came out, and then I was like, oh,
Speaker 1: back to rock and roll. And then I just kind
Speaker 1: of never looked back and it was all Indian whatever
Speaker 1: after that. So I don't know. I guess I just
Speaker 1: never really listen to kids music. For sad is listen
Speaker 1: to whatever was in front of me, so to speak.
Speaker 1: M And next up we have Market Gag already, I
Speaker 1: have the King of transitions, like your transition from kids
Speaker 1: music to adult music. I'll say six, I was six there.
Speaker 1: That's a good number. Thank you. That's the correct answer,
Speaker 1: as Kevin would say. Um. Next up we have Mark
Speaker 1: Gagle already, thanks for joining us today. Mark, how are you?
Speaker 1: I'm great? How are you? I'm doing wonderful. But I've
Speaker 1: got a question that I need answered. Hey, I've got
Speaker 1: an answer that needs questioning. If you were going to
Speaker 1: fight to the death in an arena, and your opponent
Speaker 1: would be equipped identically to you, so the same arm
Speaker 1: or same weapon, what what would you suit yourself up
Speaker 1: for battle knowing that you would win? If I knew
Speaker 1: that If I knew that, um, my opponent had the
Speaker 1: exact same armor as me, maybe not the same skills,
Speaker 1: but they would have the same weapons and armor, what
Speaker 1: would you choose? Well, what I would choose is I
Speaker 1: would choose armor that had a very sneaky hole in it.
Speaker 1: Hell yeah, that my opponent did not notice when they
Speaker 1: put the armor on, but I clocked. I know where
Speaker 1: that hole is in the armor. So I would have
Speaker 1: to have some sort of like elaborate embroidered uh like
Speaker 1: character or something to hide that spot. But I knew
Speaker 1: that I would be the only one that knew that
Speaker 1: there was a slit right underneath the eagle's wing where
Speaker 1: I could, you know, just get a knife in there.
Speaker 1: So a knife would be and you would take like
Speaker 1: a probably a small weapon to the I mean, I
Speaker 1: don't want to say what was the weapon you We're
Speaker 1: going to choose. Uh, I would choose, I would I
Speaker 1: would go Uh, I would go a knife and a
Speaker 1: quarter staff. Wow, just to confuse the person. Yeah, just
Speaker 1: so we could beat each other with sticks and that
Speaker 1: this is getting dark. But then I would have my
Speaker 1: knife on me because I knew where that spot was.
Speaker 1: What age did you realize that the spot was there?
Speaker 1: What age are you? Weirdly, I was six and it
Speaker 1: was the exact moment that Rafie tried to stab me,
Speaker 1: and Leonard Cohen jumped in and uh and saved my life.
Speaker 1: And last, but only in this particular repeated order, we
Speaker 1: have Craigkowski. Craig, welcome to Alchemy. This to be here
Speaker 1: first time, long time, first time, long time, wonderful. I've
Speaker 1: got a question that I need answered from you. Now.
Speaker 1: If you could have an AI chip that's completely safe
Speaker 1: implanted in your brain that could access information at the
Speaker 1: same speed as an Internet search, would you get it? No? No, No,
Speaker 1: that feels like a curse. Uh. I'm already pretty good
Speaker 1: with information with trivia, though, as I age, there's there's
Speaker 1: a slight lag, and I enjoy the lag sometimes, you
Speaker 1: know that, Yeah, having to piece things together. And I
Speaker 1: also missed the moments of of people not knowing things.
Speaker 1: And I'm nostalgic for those days of sitting around a
Speaker 1: bar uh booth in the nineties and us trying to
Speaker 1: remember the name of some obscure actor or song or
Speaker 1: whatever and having to collectively piece it together through our
Speaker 1: collective memory, rather than everyone having a device to to
Speaker 1: look that up. So if I had all the information
Speaker 1: accessible to me at any seconds, I would feel like
Speaker 1: it would be a curse. Well, we'll have to agree
Speaker 1: to disagree. Craick, that was the wrong answer. I'm kidding,
Speaker 1: it was right. It's right for you. You made a choice.
Speaker 1: Good for you, all right. So all of today's scene
Speaker 1: suggestions come from listener emails, and if you want priority,
Speaker 1: consider becoming a Patreon v I P. You'll also get
Speaker 1: exclusive content like bonus scenes and access to live shows.
Speaker 1: Uh And if you want to get that, it on
Speaker 1: over to Patreon dot com, slash alchemy this, or if
Speaker 1: you'd like to submit using suggestion the old timey way,
Speaker 1: email us at alchemy this email at gmail dot com.
Speaker 1: That's alchemy this dot com Scene number one actually does
Speaker 1: come from an email listener. It's Sava and it says, Hi,
Speaker 1: Kevin heard you needed some scene suggestions, not too specific,
Speaker 1: not too vague, but just right. How about this substitute teacher?
Speaker 1: Whow we I love the show and all of you alchemists.
Speaker 1: Joey please make me breakfast? Kay? Thanks? Alright? Glass Uh,
Speaker 1: I'm Mr stevens Uh. I'm not sure where Mr Nandez
Speaker 1: was and her lessons plan, and honestly I don't care.
Speaker 1: I've just got this TV here, in this VCR, We're
Speaker 1: gonna show you a movie. Yea, all right? This is
Speaker 1: Ingmar Bergman's The Seventh Seal. Wait what what? It's a
Speaker 1: It's a wonderful exploration of life and death featuring death
Speaker 1: and a chess match. I think you're really gonna watch
Speaker 1: it on VHS. Yes, there's a Criterion Blu Ray edition out.
Speaker 1: It's two. This room is WiFi enabled. You can just
Speaker 1: I understand that. But your your school makes us use
Speaker 1: what they have in the A V room. And what
Speaker 1: they had in the a V room was this dusty
Speaker 1: VHS copy of being mer Bourgman's The Seventh Seal. This
Speaker 1: tube screen television on this rolling card and this DCR.
Speaker 1: So I'm sorry, but this is what we're gonna have
Speaker 1: to use. Our last substitute teacher took us out to
Speaker 1: the movies. Yeah, beat that. Look there's I don't really
Speaker 1: care to beat that. I'm still gonna get paid no
Speaker 1: matter what. I just had to press plan this VCR
Speaker 1: and we went to a pagrele motive oar festival. You
Speaker 1: went to it all, all of our festival. Hi've I
Speaker 1: really want to go see a Parallel Mother is his
Speaker 1: newest I mean, I've heard its fantastic, it's solid. We
Speaker 1: liked it. It's pretty good. It's not as good as
Speaker 1: his older stuff. But I think he's he's looking at
Speaker 1: different themes now. But we can all agree. That substitute teacher,
Speaker 1: I think it was Mr Ferdinand. I don't remember his name,
Speaker 1: but he changed our lives forever, Senor Ferdinand, that's right.
Speaker 1: But do you just want to phone it in? I
Speaker 1: guess that's what the next generation? Okay, I didn't know
Speaker 1: his Ferdinand. We've had a rivalry going since we were
Speaker 1: in substitute teacher school together, the academy Substitute Academy and uh, okay, guys,
Speaker 1: Welcome to Substitute Teacher Academy. Mrs Mrs O'Rourke is not
Speaker 1: here today. Uh, what the hell are you? Who the
Speaker 1: hell are you? Why are you put me sitting next
Speaker 1: to Stevens? I'll look, what's your name? My name is
Speaker 1: Mr Ferdinand. Okay, I'm gonna call you signor Ferdinand. Oh
Speaker 1: why because of my accent? You're gonna call me senor Ferdinand.
Speaker 1: I thought you would enjoy that. Everybody wants to call
Speaker 1: me senor for Okay. Look, I don't know where Mrs
Speaker 1: O'Rourke was in teaching you the the ins and outs
Speaker 1: of substitute teaching, but can can anybody help me out here?
Speaker 1: Where are you in the book? Oh? Man? I think
Speaker 1: we were on chapter fifteen, which was, um, what to
Speaker 1: do with an unreleased student? Okay, okay, um, I'm sorry.
Speaker 1: Is this what you typically substitute teacher is? Sorry, substitute teach?
Speaker 1: You know this seems like an unfamiliar subject to you.
Speaker 1: Look I I fill in, you know. I do a
Speaker 1: lot of him. Okay, I'm mostly a gym teacher. I
Speaker 1: do some some bands, some art. But yeah, today they
Speaker 1: sent me to the substitute teacher academy. Why do you
Speaker 1: not just bring out the brand new VCR that we
Speaker 1: just got. We just watch a movie. You guys want
Speaker 1: to crack that open? Yeah, let's let's do it. Wait
Speaker 1: a second, what if we took advantage of this moment.
Speaker 1: We've got an actual, live substitute teacher. Why don't you
Speaker 1: tell us what it's like in your real life? Um? Well,
Speaker 1: it's it's tough. You know. I call in at six
Speaker 1: am every morning, and sometimes you hear, uh, I got
Speaker 1: nothing for you, Ted, And sometimes you hear, yeah, you're
Speaker 1: going to uh two thousand Oaks, which is like in
Speaker 1: rush to hours, like an hour and a half drive
Speaker 1: for me to uh to do ninth grade bio. But
Speaker 1: what happens once you do get there? Yeah? What happens
Speaker 1: when you get there? Well, I try to park in
Speaker 1: the in the faculty section, and there's always a guy
Speaker 1: saying no, no, no, you can't park here, and I'm like, no, no,
Speaker 1: I'm I'm subbing. I'm subbing. He's like, well, do you
Speaker 1: have your idea of Like, yeah, I have it, but
Speaker 1: then I look and I always forget it. But what
Speaker 1: does this have to do with changing children's lives? I
Speaker 1: don't know. Is that what you're hoping to do. Well,
Speaker 1: that's why we've all signed up to be substitute teachers.
Speaker 1: Why we're all in the academy. Hey, where did you
Speaker 1: go to, Ferdinand? You should be teaching this class. I
Speaker 1: am not ready to teach. No, No, you're you're ready.
Speaker 1: I'm you're ready. I'm ready. In fact, I'm going to
Speaker 1: take a smoke break outside and Ferdinand take over. I
Speaker 1: suppose I should open this book to chapter fift but
Speaker 1: this is not the right book. Bullshit, I'm not learning
Speaker 1: from Ferdinand. I paid for this class. I want a
Speaker 1: real teacher. I'm gonna If you want a real teacher,
Speaker 1: you should not have come to substitute teacher academy. I
Speaker 1: want to be a substitute teacher, not learned from one. Alright, kids,
Speaker 1: fucking alright, fine, you know you want me to live
Speaker 1: up to Ferdinand. Looking their desks, there are plane tickets.
Speaker 1: We're going to Can. That's going to Can. We're going
Speaker 1: now outside ing checked in. Wow, Wow, Wow, we're gonna
Speaker 1: get to see the palm door winner before anybody else does.
Speaker 1: That's right, kids, all right, just this way, I'll watch
Speaker 1: out for the paparazzi line. Excuse us, excuse us. I
Speaker 1: always thought it was plural. Who are you? I'm Eddie? Okay,
Speaker 1: they must be on in that new Richard link later.
Speaker 1: But the kids, all right, kids, just just the way,
Speaker 1: this way, this way. Wait, which one of you is Eddie?
Speaker 1: Which one? I'm Eddie? I'm Eddie. I've got you on
Speaker 1: the jury. What. Yeah, you're gonna be on the jury.
Speaker 1: You're gonna help select the winners. WHOA cool? Thanks Stevens.
Speaker 1: Well there's David Lynch and Bomb June. Ho. Uh, my
Speaker 1: name's Brian. What did you get me? Oh, Brian, you
Speaker 1: get to introduce the screening of the brand new Thomas
Speaker 1: Vinterberg movie. Um, so here, here's this, here's the one
Speaker 1: sheet on it. You can learn a little bit about it,
Speaker 1: and you get to run the Q and A afterwards too.
Speaker 1: I hope you know what to ask about the Dogma
Speaker 1: style of filmmaking, because we're gonna talk about that at length.
Speaker 1: I don't I don't know. I don't know those things.
Speaker 1: Maybe maybe I should not have put you in. No, No,
Speaker 1: you didn't. You should have. You should have. You've changed
Speaker 1: my life. You've changed my life more than that old Ferdinand, teacher,
Speaker 1: little substitute teacher, Ferdinand. Right this way, students, right this way,
Speaker 1: you're all going well, well, well, senor Ferdinand. If it
Speaker 1: is not Stevens. What the hello? Kids? It is nice
Speaker 1: to see you again. I brought a different substitute class
Speaker 1: with me. What are you doing at the Cannes Film Festival?
Speaker 1: I brought my kids here. I brought my kids instead
Speaker 1: of showing them Seventh Seal again, I brought him here.
Speaker 1: And Eddie is on the jury. Oh you got Eddie
Speaker 1: on the jury. Hunt. Well, this is Charlie right here. Charlie,
Speaker 1: tell him what you are doing in this festival. I uh,
Speaker 1: I won a certain regard. That is right. My students
Speaker 1: now win awards. But goodbye. Enjoy your being the help
Speaker 1: at the festival. Bitch. Fernand was besting me in every
Speaker 1: As a kids, we're making a film. We're making it now,
Speaker 1: we're gonna get it. In what we're get, we're gonna get.
Speaker 1: She'll be able to complete a film and get it
Speaker 1: submitted and accepted. You see how long that ride carpet
Speaker 1: line is. You see how long that line is for
Speaker 1: them to do the step and repeats. You can make
Speaker 1: this film we can get it into competition and we
Speaker 1: can win this thing, all right, Mr Stevens, uh already. Well,
Speaker 1: I got a phone and can shoot video on it,
Speaker 1: and I can upload it pretty quick. Great. This is
Speaker 1: just like the dogma style of filmmaking that I was
Speaker 1: talking about earlier. Vincherberg will love this alright. And I
Speaker 1: ran into Juliet Panosh that the water fountain. She says
Speaker 1: she's between projects. Scrabber. She's great, She's so underrated. Okay,
Speaker 1: let's see there's uh oh, there's uh Audrey Tattoo. Maybe
Speaker 1: excuse me, Audrey, are you? Are you really at the moment? No,
Speaker 1: would you like to do our dogma style filmmaking? That
Speaker 1: the uh my substitute for fifth grade classes doing great? Fantastic?
Speaker 1: Uh Oh, there's Yannis Kaminsky. He can lens it. He's
Speaker 1: an amazing sint of photographer. Yahoo's yahoosa. Yeah, what do
Speaker 1: you want? Will you shoot our film for us on
Speaker 1: this one? Not fantastic. It's an iPhone eleven. I know
Speaker 1: it's not the pro, but I think it's still pretty good. Alright.
Speaker 1: It's me Brian, and I was wondering if maybe there
Speaker 1: was a role for me in this movie. Still, someone's
Speaker 1: got to write it. And William Goldman just died, so um,
Speaker 1: you want to write it? Kid? And the bomb door
Speaker 1: goes to Mr Stevens fourth grade class. We did Yes, Yes,
Speaker 1: I knew it. Oh wow, Oh my gosh, guys, this
Speaker 1: is I'm timing. This is a twelve minute standing ovation.
Speaker 1: This is amazing. This is what all my treats have
Speaker 1: been like. This is what all my dreams have been like.
Speaker 1: This is reel, this is real, this is really happening.
Speaker 1: Mr Stevens, Wake up, you fell asleep. Mr Stevens. Mr Stevens,
Speaker 1: h Oh my gosh, kids, I'm sorry, the movie is over.
Speaker 1: Do you learn a lot we learned about chess and death?
Speaker 1: Do you love maximum seats performance? At least man? And
Speaker 1: that scene scene number two is coming from Alchemaniac Dougie, Hey, Alchemists,
Speaker 1: I've been following Joey around for the better part of
Speaker 1: six months. Everything seemed normal until about three days ago.
Speaker 1: For now, listeners of Alchemy, this high your Deli meat
Speaker 1: update soon scene suggestion. A seemingly innocent game of Duck
Speaker 1: duck goose turns wildly violent in this jarring Who done it?
Speaker 1: I feel like we're a little old be playing children's games.
Speaker 1: Come on, get over over yourself, Barry. I mean, there's
Speaker 1: no game better than Duck Duck Goose. Yea, Barry, How
Speaker 1: else are you gonna learn about lifeble? The unbearable tension?
Speaker 1: Who will be the goose? And once you are the goose?
Speaker 1: Are you ready to be the goose? Are you ready
Speaker 1: to jump up and run at any moment's notice, Barry?
Speaker 1: Burst of adrenaline you get it's great for your heart.
Speaker 1: I don't know. I've got kind of a blood pressure
Speaker 1: thing going on, and I don't know if bursts of
Speaker 1: energy or really what I need. She's the christ Berry.
Speaker 1: It's like you don't even want to be in this treehouse.
Speaker 1: I mean, I honestly don't want to be in this treehouse.
Speaker 1: It was a little difficult to get up into it,
Speaker 1: and it's I mean, luckily there's not many of us
Speaker 1: up here, but it's a little small, like it was
Speaker 1: built for kids. Yeah, kids at heart, Yeah, Barry, we're
Speaker 1: trying to have a caprissn Barry. Okay, stabbed right through
Speaker 1: to the other side. Wow, you're strong, Berry. Here's another one.
Speaker 1: You know what, things aren't like they used to be
Speaker 1: when we were kids. Okay, I've grown up quite a bit.
Speaker 1: I got a family, I got a job. Shut your mouth,
Speaker 1: step down, stepped down with the straw. You shut your
Speaker 1: mouth about that berry? We said, we swore his kids.
Speaker 1: We took a blood oath. We were never going to
Speaker 1: grow up and we never will. Well, I guess if
Speaker 1: I just put my finger on the other side of
Speaker 1: this bag, I can squeeze it into my mouth. Are
Speaker 1: you still having trouble with the fucking caprice sign? I'm
Speaker 1: not gonna waste a straw throid. Duck. Oh, it's started, Duck.
Speaker 1: Please don't please don't duck. Okay, well, aren't we gonna
Speaker 1: wait for ted Duck? Please stop? Just hold off for
Speaker 1: a second. Please, there's only two of us, Duck. Can
Speaker 1: we hold Can we just have a time out? Is
Speaker 1: there no time out? Duck? What's the matter, barry Duck?
Speaker 1: I just feel like that we should wait for everyone
Speaker 1: to arrive. Good Duck. Well you I feel tizzy, Duck.
Speaker 1: You time out? Time out? Please some time out? And
Speaker 1: tuk duck duck. Any minute now, I'm going to say
Speaker 1: the word duck. Huh duck. Are you getting dizzy? You're
Speaker 1: spinning around them. Ted's in the house, talk somebody. You
Speaker 1: got it all right? Oh we just started. We just
Speaker 1: started the game, but just you like to finish it, Ted,
Speaker 1: if you can just talk some sense of to these guys,
Speaker 1: we don't need to play children's teams stop right? Are
Speaker 1: you serious? I mean I've been waiting for the d
Speaker 1: d G all afternoon. Well, you were the king of
Speaker 1: this man, You've always been the king of this right, No, Barry,
Speaker 1: you are sweating really badly. I just I'm not in
Speaker 1: the same shape I used to be as a kid.
Speaker 1: That I'm a little afraid of heights. I don't know
Speaker 1: why we're gonna play in a treehouse, Duck. This is
Speaker 1: where we made the blood oath. Duck. I know it.
Speaker 1: We're not playing, Barry, We're bonding, Okay, Duck, All right,
Speaker 1: duh Duck. Ted, did you have a problem with the
Speaker 1: capri son? No, what an easy, dude, It's come on,
Speaker 1: it's the elementary m hm. Duck, are you okay? Maybe
Speaker 1: maybe we can make the circle a little smaller so
Speaker 1: that there's more room to run around it. Room, okay, Duck.
Speaker 1: Could I have a quick time out, Duck? There's no timeouse, right, duck.
Speaker 1: All right, what have we got, Detective? A lot of
Speaker 1: blood in this treehouse. Jesus Christ, I never seen this
Speaker 1: much blood in the treehouse before. Uh it takes some
Speaker 1: more pictures of that corner over there. What are we
Speaker 1: looking at here? All those three sons? What how many
Speaker 1: bodies be looking at well? I mean we got three bodies. Yeah,
Speaker 1: we got a big pilot caprice sons over there, all
Speaker 1: stabbed all the way through. Okay, well do you think
Speaker 1: that means Jesus, I haven't seen this. It's a a
Speaker 1: six oh eighty six. Sure. Remember the squeeze at killer. Yeah,
Speaker 1: we never caught the guy. Yeah, I never caught him.
Speaker 1: Traced him back to this very neighborhood, but still never
Speaker 1: caught the squeeze a killer, never found him. Burry your
Speaker 1: home early age? I from your friends. Oh yeah, we
Speaker 1: took all our clothes off before we we well, we left,
Speaker 1: so that's why I'm in my underwear. Whatever. Crazy, I'm
Speaker 1: gonna go up in a shower real quick. Is there
Speaker 1: gonna be dinner soon? I thought we would go out tonight.
Speaker 1: Out tonight? Yeah, okay, okay, I mean it's my birthday,
Speaker 1: which you remember, right of course? I got you a
Speaker 1: birthday present for your birthday. It's a it's uh getting delivered. Okay, Well,
Speaker 1: I thought we'd go to, you know, a nice French
Speaker 1: place tonight, maybe get some duck a duck very duck. No, no,
Speaker 1: why don't we go somewhere for something like duck? No,
Speaker 1: I don't want I can't talk burgers. I don't want burgers. Berry.
Speaker 1: I went duck no duck. She got another body. Detective Jesus,
Speaker 1: what happened here? I don't know. No capris sons though
Speaker 1: anywhere in side. Non. Oh, this is a shame too.
Speaker 1: Look at this. Look on it right the the birthday.
Speaker 1: What a bummer, I know, geez, But they pulled us
Speaker 1: off of that crime seemed to go to this crime scene.
Speaker 1: It's weird, right, like weird. It's almost like with Chase
Speaker 1: in the same Wait a minute, you think with Chase
Speaker 1: in the same killer around town? I think this is connected? No,
Speaker 1: I mean could? I mean it could be two murders
Speaker 1: identical on the same night in the same town. Made
Speaker 1: this since six o eighties? Eggs? Oh sorry, hey, boss,
Speaker 1: I slept at the office tonight. Just wanted to know.
Speaker 1: It's a little weird. The initiative. Barry problems at home,
Speaker 1: So I forgere to be okay if I just crashed here?
Speaker 1: Nobody's sure? Sure? Hm, hey boss, what do you want
Speaker 1: me and uh me and Andy to put this ladder
Speaker 1: uh closer to the room next to my office? I think, well, sure,
Speaker 1: we're swinging around here. Hey, watch out the pal duck
Speaker 1: duck duck. Most myth sit there on that one. Maybe
Speaker 1: maybe bring it around a little closer to it, going
Speaker 1: it the other way, okay, turning around? Okay, everybody, duck duck.
Speaker 1: I can't take it. I can't take it. Boston Berry,
Speaker 1: what what are you doing with that knife? Jesus Christ? Mad?
Speaker 1: What are these movers have to do with anything? I
Speaker 1: don't know? How's it connected? Three more bodies, three more bodies.
Speaker 1: We are terrible detectives. If we can't figure this out.
Speaker 1: I feel like we're just always a step behind. You know,
Speaker 1: you know what? You know? What always helps me think?
Speaker 1: What's that? Those little animal shape boats out on Echo
Speaker 1: Park Lake? Yeah? You want to go get on those
Speaker 1: little boats? You bet? I love? That would be fun.
Speaker 1: Let's do that. So what do you want to push up?
Speaker 1: You want a strawberry shortcake? I gotta I gotta get
Speaker 1: I'll get a waffle cone with like vanilla ice cream
Speaker 1: and um just fudge. Alright, boring, Okay, boring, it's after
Speaker 1: the hardwords from top gun ghost. What's your problem? Bell?
Speaker 1: Poor ice cream never had a chance. Unbelievable. It was
Speaker 1: so close to the boats were about to go on.
Speaker 1: You know, it's weird like we were on our way
Speaker 1: to the duck boats and he is, can I can
Speaker 1: I help in any way here? Officers? I I did
Speaker 1: play a surgeon on E. R. Fords, huge fan, very
Speaker 1: underrated Revenge Revenge thee Well that's a classic. Sure did
Speaker 1: you see anything weird around here? And you happen to
Speaker 1: notice the murderer? Well, I you know, I walk, you know,
Speaker 1: two laps around the Echo Park Lake, you know the
Speaker 1: day you know, I gotta state stand shape to be
Speaker 1: on TV. Uh. And now that I've you know, I've
Speaker 1: I've found uh new love with mayor winning him uh
Speaker 1: later in life. Congratulations than you. And hey heard you
Speaker 1: stepped in for the sick actor with COVID and grow
Speaker 1: from the North Country last week. Hey you read the book.
Speaker 1: That's fantastic. I did you know there's a lot going
Speaker 1: on with me these days. But yeah, yeah, I mean basically, yeah, yeah,
Speaker 1: you said you wanted to help with the murders. There
Speaker 1: was a guy yelling goose at me, which I get
Speaker 1: a lot. I get that, you know, sure, sometimes people
Speaker 1: just yell you are yeah, that's not your name though,
Speaker 1: that's not my name. Your name was your name. You
Speaker 1: might if we call you goose. Oh that's that's that's
Speaker 1: so fun, that's real fun. You got to see Top Gun, Maverick,
Speaker 1: Are you interested in that? They invited me to the premier.
Speaker 1: I'm mayor and I have plans that night, so I'm
Speaker 1: I'm not sure, but you know, I have to be
Speaker 1: ready for a girl for the North Country. You know.
Speaker 1: You know there was a guy with a knife. Yeah yeah,
Speaker 1: that gout after that guy was I don't know why,
Speaker 1: I'm just thinking of it now, but after the guy
Speaker 1: yelled goose at me, there was a guy standing right
Speaker 1: next to him with a knife. But then I turned
Speaker 1: the corner and up walking around the lake was seven
Speaker 1: minutes standing ovation. That can top gun average? Seven minutes.
Speaker 1: Oh yeah, I'll believe those kids. Those kids got twelve,
Speaker 1: they got twelve Yeah, yeah, yeah, well they did. I
Speaker 1: mean the movie they made was at Juliet, but ocean
Speaker 1: uh never never better. She's always good, she's always good.
Speaker 1: So good. All right, So you turn the corner the
Speaker 1: guy with to night, all right, we'll go that direction.
Speaker 1: What were we trace the staff? Well, I'm gonna get
Speaker 1: on one of the duck boats. Who's that running at us?
Speaker 1: Oh jeesus? Hey, hey, Anthony, is that the guy that
Speaker 1: you saw? The guy you saw? I think I think
Speaker 1: it's that guy. Put us right now? Which one of
Speaker 1: you guys said? It said? What the D word? It's
Speaker 1: driving me crazy? It's driving me crazy? All right, sir?
Speaker 1: Put down the knife. Put it down. I can't put
Speaker 1: it down. I can't. I need to put it in.
Speaker 1: I need to put it in. The guy who just
Speaker 1: said duck well, you just said it. Oh wow, God,
Speaker 1: before are you the squeeze killer? We're using squeeze killer,
Speaker 1: pleez killing. And that's scene number two. And here is
Speaker 1: scene number three coming in from the emails. It's from
Speaker 1: Robert Williams. This scene suggestion just came to me as
Speaker 1: I was getting out of the shower. And if I
Speaker 1: don't tell it to you now, I'll never remember it again.
Speaker 1: The fifty seven Annual Shampoo Taste Maker Awards, and why
Speaker 1: yes I did swallow some raw shampoo, and yes it
Speaker 1: did have the same consistency as Joey's favorite beverage, all
Speaker 1: the best. God, what are you getting, coconut m Honestly,
Speaker 1: this tastes more like a conditioner than a shampoo. Let
Speaker 1: me let me swirl it around for a bit. That's
Speaker 1: kind of a milky consistency. Is it possible this is
Speaker 1: a shampoo conditional combination? It is, and which I thought
Speaker 1: we had ruled them ineligible. No, it's that's not eligible
Speaker 1: at all. I just want pure pooh. Yeah, pure pooh,
Speaker 1: pure pooh. You know everything is so fruity and so
Speaker 1: perfume and flowery. Why don't we ever get any savory shampoos? Gentlemen?
Speaker 1: All he said, p L classic. That was a good year.
Speaker 1: That was a good year. Mm hmm. Pirate ion zinc
Speaker 1: in a shampoo bay some water llly good? That like good?
Speaker 1: You don't that you could spit. You don't have to
Speaker 1: swallow it if you do nothing. Well, I like to swallow,
Speaker 1: So if I don't swallow, I don't know how it
Speaker 1: goes down. And what kind of taste maker judge would
Speaker 1: I be then m yes, yes, Well, the new varietas
Speaker 1: that you will be judging will be coming in momentarily.
Speaker 1: I just wanted to give you a good riot to
Speaker 1: try it first, and I would like to introduce you
Speaker 1: to some as it make us. Tell them I'm not
Speaker 1: ready yet. Tell them the new varietals will be there
Speaker 1: in a few minutes. Thank god, damnit, thank god, damnit. Savory, savory, savory.
Speaker 1: No one's ever made a savory sampoo, and that does
Speaker 1: them to be Yeah, please, you must make it quickly. Look,
Speaker 1: I've tried everything. I've tried rosemary, I've tried garlic. Nothing
Speaker 1: seems to work. This is not this, say is yours?
Speaker 1: If you want to is this said? What do you
Speaker 1: have to produce? Fine? Fine, I didn't want to have
Speaker 1: to do this, but I'm I'm going to have to
Speaker 1: call the big gun in. Well you sure you want
Speaker 1: to do this? Yeah, there's nothing else I can do.
Speaker 1: I gotta call him in. Okay, May God to have
Speaker 1: miss May God have mercy on the souls of everyone here. Yes,
Speaker 1: all right, let me just aim this light at the sky.
Speaker 1: That's how I call him. Oh, the hold on, let
Speaker 1: me I gotta If I am you got have to
Speaker 1: aim it with the shampoo bottle is face up so
Speaker 1: we can see that. Okay, there there, there it is
Speaker 1: be here any minute. I feel like a failure for
Speaker 1: having to call him in another failure. It is me,
Speaker 1: Suave Shampoo, taste maker, extraordinary suave swave. Oh thank god
Speaker 1: you're here, sir. We we we have an emergency. They
Speaker 1: want savory shampoo and we cannot figure out how to
Speaker 1: make one shavory shampoo. Who who asks for such a thing?
Speaker 1: The people that the tastemaker rewards, the ones making all
Speaker 1: the calls. People are tired of sweet and fruity shampoos.
Speaker 1: They've had their fill of herbal essences. They want spice essences,
Speaker 1: spice essences and vegetable essences and perhaps even new Mommy
Speaker 1: meet essences. Actually makes sense. The industry has been going
Speaker 1: this way for a long time. Maybe what we should
Speaker 1: do is locally sourced some meats, Deli meats. You're saying, wow, well,
Speaker 1: the herbal essences is fine, but it's not giving me
Speaker 1: an orgasm like the woman in the commercial. Yes, it
Speaker 1: says that is very extreme interptation, but it sounds like
Speaker 1: you're describing false advertising all are you saying that it
Speaker 1: doesn't give you an orgasm. I'm saying it doesn't give
Speaker 1: me an orgasm. It's not giving me an orgasm. But
Speaker 1: you're saying that's an extreme interpretation. They'll they have this
Speaker 1: Eilish splink. Riet will make you come. Uh. Yeah, I'd
Speaker 1: like to hire you to represent me in court. You're
Speaker 1: that lawyer I've been hearing so much about about the
Speaker 1: false advertising claims. Yeah, I took a knife and I
Speaker 1: whittled off a little chunk of this Irish spring. And
Speaker 1: guess what I was not standing underneath the waterfall in Ireland.
Speaker 1: So I would like my three dollars and fifty nine
Speaker 1: cents back. Please, do you think you can represent me
Speaker 1: in my case? Well, I I think I could just
Speaker 1: give you three dollars fifty cents, because I gotta be honest,
Speaker 1: My fees are much higher than three dollars fifty cents.
Speaker 1: But this is about the principle of false advertising. And
Speaker 1: may I say I drank nasty and I never once
Speaker 1: fell backward into a pool. All right, well maybe now,
Speaker 1: maybe now we've got a couple of different things that
Speaker 1: we can put into one class action suit. Wait, I
Speaker 1: thought class action was a bunch of people suing one company,
Speaker 1: not one person suing a bunch of companies traditionally. Well,
Speaker 1: I guess what we have here today, ladies and gentlemen,
Speaker 1: is a reverse class action. Uh we have one man
Speaker 1: is suing a hundred and companies. That's right, your honor. Okay,
Speaker 1: head count to see if the companies are all represented here?
Speaker 1: Uh starbursts here, great Pringles, Yeah, yeah, I was able
Speaker 1: to stop, Pringles. I was able to stop. All right,
Speaker 1: heyday he again. Alright, wait are you representing all of
Speaker 1: the bar? Well? Are they all like subsidiarias of craft
Speaker 1: or something? Many of them are, yes, and I we
Speaker 1: could probably cut run into the chase and a lot
Speaker 1: of these you can't stop popping, Pringles. Uh, there just
Speaker 1: hasn't been enough time that's gone by until the next
Speaker 1: time you pop. And what what possible problem? Could you have?
Speaker 1: A pay day? Sir? Yes, the title itself. I opened
Speaker 1: up the package and you know what was in there?
Speaker 1: Not a check? Also, you expected to Actually I expected
Speaker 1: a paycheck. If it's pay day, I'm what am I gonna?
Speaker 1: What am I working for? Peanuts? What am I an elephant?
Speaker 1: Do I look like an elephant? Your honor. You don't
Speaker 1: look like an elephant. Mr Prescott. Uh, great, we will
Speaker 1: have got a hundred companies to go. Yep, all right,
Speaker 1: let's see here cheese. It's are these all snack related?
Speaker 1: By the way, most of them are snacks, many of
Speaker 1: them are snacks. A few of them are airlines. Well,
Speaker 1: let's let's jump ahead. What what exactly, quantis? What's your
Speaker 1: problem with quantas? Uh, there's no you. And it looks
Speaker 1: like it's weird. That is weird. It looks like cantus.
Speaker 1: And you know what, my mom always told me that, uh,
Speaker 1: it's not about what you can't do, it's about what
Speaker 1: you can do. And it also kind of implies that
Speaker 1: you're gonna get a koala hugging you on the flight, right, Yeah,
Speaker 1: and the advertisement siding with him, it doesn't sea. I'm
Speaker 1: just talking the witness right now. Well, speaking of feeding,
Speaker 1: I am hungry. So if if we could get if
Speaker 1: I could get some of those pringles, No, no, no,
Speaker 1: be careful, no no, no, you know what, It'll be
Speaker 1: fine because apparently you can stop you can't stop false advertising,
Speaker 1: false advertise, saying I rest my case your honor favor
Speaker 1: of the plaintiff and now we've got ham, ham and cloven.
Speaker 1: It will go inside of the shampool. I want you
Speaker 1: to bring this ham clothes shampoo to the taste makers.
Speaker 1: Let's just I will do. This is valu levolutionary. Let's
Speaker 1: see how it goes in it. So some of has
Speaker 1: just crossed the ass off of this bottle of shampoo
Speaker 1: to make hampoo collect This is a valley flash made
Speaker 1: on the pembasis. So take this week is let us
Speaker 1: know yourself right and we're actual pigs slaughtered for the
Speaker 1: shampoo this there's no wrong there's no wrong answer this.
Speaker 1: I do not know. It's a fair flash, fat flash.
Speaker 1: Well it is there. It is savory. It's salty. Mm hmm.
Speaker 1: I'm getting you know, I'm getting it all over my tongue.
Speaker 1: Huh um. Yeah, there's a new mommy burst there. If
Speaker 1: the initial salty for it's got like a thick salty
Speaker 1: texture and I'm swallowing it. It's um hm. It's gotta
Speaker 1: texture that's reminiscent of something. Does it also clean your hair?
Speaker 1: Is it just like shampoo? The taste like hands? You
Speaker 1: know it does clean your hair. It clean your hair.
Speaker 1: That's a lesser concern. Did may I ask, did you ejaculate?
Speaker 1: Actually a little bit? A little bit? This is good,
Speaker 1: This is good. We all says this to have us
Speaker 1: insists then, ah, that good. This is a very positive feedback.
Speaker 1: We hope it. It's a place as well as it was. Yes,
Speaker 1: this is the fifty seven year, so we hope since
Speaker 1: this is a work place. Well, there's a long, long
Speaker 1: tradition of shampoo tasting, and I'm honored to be a
Speaker 1: part of it in any way, shape or form. But
Speaker 1: I must say, as part of the same tradition, this
Speaker 1: is wildly new. It's wildly new on my tongue, because
Speaker 1: this is a fantastic This is a definitely ac creation
Speaker 1: that there is not outsourced to anyone else. This is
Speaker 1: from in the house, and this was not not added
Speaker 1: by and one, wait a minute, did somebod these shine
Speaker 1: the shampoo signal into the sky? What is this? What
Speaker 1: shampool thing? I do not know what you speak? No, no,
Speaker 1: I see it's actually still up against the clouds. Yes,
Speaker 1: that's silhouette of an itchy scalp. No, we have been
Speaker 1: found out to hold Then I will be what happened
Speaker 1: auf there? Do they like? It's? They did but they
Speaker 1: saw the signal. You did not take the single down,
Speaker 1: Mr Swap. What do we do? Really is too late?
Speaker 1: The Dan Drift will shake it down now like snow
Speaker 1: upon New York and Christmas? Is that a metaphor? Well?
Speaker 1: Actual Dan truly? What is going to happen? Oh God,
Speaker 1: Dad Driff is raining down, Duck Duck. And that's our
Speaker 1: show for the day. Thank you alchemists for joining me
Speaker 1: this week. What a fun time. Let's find out what
Speaker 1: the alchemists are doing. I'm gonna go in reverse order. Craig,
Speaker 1: what's up? What's up? Thanks for joining? What's going on
Speaker 1: in Craig's life? Oh? Man? So much? Uh? I don't
Speaker 1: know when this will air, but I did a little
Speaker 1: part for History of the World Part two, the mel
Speaker 1: Brooks TV series. What playing playing Joseph Stalin, who I
Speaker 1: also played in Drunk History? So I guess I have
Speaker 1: a type. Wow, that's incredible. The type is fascist dictators alright? Uh?
Speaker 1: And then Market Cagliardi, what is going on in the hissy?
Speaker 1: Well here in this hissy, it's uh, no fascisy up
Speaker 1: in this hissy like in the KIZZI. Um, we got
Speaker 1: this with Mark and how weekly dropping on the Maximum
Speaker 1: Fund Network. We settle all of your arguments. Uh. And
Speaker 1: then also UM season two, Blood and Treasure coming out
Speaker 1: July sev on Paramount Plus our New Home. And if
Speaker 1: you live in the l A area, First Thursday of
Speaker 1: every month, I'm sorry, Second Thursday of every month, we
Speaker 1: are at Lineage Performing Arts Center with what you will
Speaker 1: a Shakespearean unplay. And if you don't know what that is,
Speaker 1: come see the show. I cannot wait. Cool, what's going on?
Speaker 1: Well at Cold Stratton, Rat Stratton, Cool and Socials. No
Speaker 1: spiders were harmed in this episode. Thank god, we're freaking
Speaker 1: out for once, I know, right. Uh So when the
Speaker 1: pandemic started back in I put out this list of
Speaker 1: a hundred lesser known movies to stream because every list
Speaker 1: I looked at was like Blade Runner, and I was like,
Speaker 1: I know, so that's on my website cold Stratton dot com.
Speaker 1: But I've been working on a supplemental list, which is
Speaker 1: almost done. So it's gonna be a hundred additional movies
Speaker 1: that you can stream at home that are lesser known.
Speaker 1: So there are things that you might not be aware of,
Speaker 1: you may have not seen before, that will hopefully be
Speaker 1: done in the next week or so. So by the
Speaker 1: time this comes out, hopeflly it will be out there.
Speaker 1: So if not, it will be there soon. Uh cold
Speaker 1: Stratton dot comment on socials and stuff too, so you
Speaker 1: can find some new stuff to stream. It sounds exciting.
Speaker 1: There's still ride ups and photos and stuff too. It's
Speaker 1: not just like a list, it's it's very in depth.
Speaker 1: There should be like a movie watching club that goes
Speaker 1: along with it to follow an order. It seems like
Speaker 1: it would be a nice it would be a nice
Speaker 1: group to join. I'm gonna have to gather some friends
Speaker 1: to get that going. There we go and uh, well,
Speaker 1: let's thank our engineer and producer to the stars, Mr
Speaker 1: Doug Babe, and the fine folks at I Heart Media.
Speaker 1: I'm your guest host James Heeney, and I thank you
Speaker 1: for listening to the Alchemy this it didn't tell next
Speaker 1: time o