1 00:00:02,840 --> 00:00:05,200 Speaker 1: Look at this new hair. What did you say to me? 2 00:00:05,320 --> 00:00:08,200 Speaker 2: It's it's business in the front, party in the front. 3 00:00:08,760 --> 00:00:10,000 Speaker 1: So nothing in the a little bit. 4 00:00:10,080 --> 00:00:13,800 Speaker 3: Yeah, I'm giving it cut a little shorter. Now I 5 00:00:13,800 --> 00:00:17,480 Speaker 3: feel like it looks a little more refined. And by 6 00:00:17,520 --> 00:00:19,440 Speaker 3: the time, like I feel like I need a haircut, 7 00:00:19,480 --> 00:00:20,320 Speaker 3: it's like where. 8 00:00:20,120 --> 00:00:20,959 Speaker 2: It used to be. 9 00:00:21,079 --> 00:00:23,800 Speaker 3: So I'm not hitting like that bad hair phase where 10 00:00:23,800 --> 00:00:25,880 Speaker 3: I'm like, I just want to shave it off, you know. 11 00:00:26,040 --> 00:00:28,800 Speaker 1: Yeah, No, it looks very nice. It is short on 12 00:00:28,840 --> 00:00:31,640 Speaker 1: the sides in the back, so that's why everything's happening 13 00:00:31,640 --> 00:00:32,120 Speaker 1: in the front. 14 00:00:32,400 --> 00:00:33,600 Speaker 2: Everything happens in the front. 15 00:00:33,680 --> 00:00:36,199 Speaker 1: Business in the front, party in the front. You come 16 00:00:36,280 --> 00:00:38,879 Speaker 1: up with that on your own, I did. I mean 17 00:00:38,920 --> 00:00:42,480 Speaker 1: it was accidental, but yeah, it sounds like your brain 18 00:00:42,720 --> 00:00:47,120 Speaker 1: how it works. Well, Hello everyone, Happy fourth of July. 19 00:00:47,720 --> 00:00:50,640 Speaker 2: Fourth of July. Fireworks, baby, Yeah. 20 00:00:50,479 --> 00:00:53,880 Speaker 1: It is fireworks, and baby you're a firework. You never 21 00:00:53,920 --> 00:00:54,320 Speaker 1: forget that. 22 00:00:54,360 --> 00:00:56,720 Speaker 2: Okay, sometimes I'm a plastic bag. 23 00:00:56,800 --> 00:01:01,480 Speaker 3: But isn't you know, isn't there a cla about the 24 00:01:01,560 --> 00:01:03,720 Speaker 3: plastic belt bags spinning in the air? 25 00:01:05,000 --> 00:01:08,639 Speaker 1: I think show them what your word? 26 00:01:09,440 --> 00:01:10,800 Speaker 2: Yeah, I don't know. 27 00:01:10,840 --> 00:01:12,480 Speaker 1: I'm trying to get to the plastic bag part. I'll 28 00:01:12,520 --> 00:01:14,680 Speaker 1: have to really listen to the lyrics to find out 29 00:01:14,680 --> 00:01:18,160 Speaker 1: when I feel. Yeah, anyway, I was telling you before 30 00:01:18,160 --> 00:01:20,840 Speaker 1: the podcast, this is now two months in a row 31 00:01:20,880 --> 00:01:22,440 Speaker 1: that i've I've gotten. 32 00:01:22,160 --> 00:01:24,240 Speaker 3: The first lyric is wait, hold on, do you ever 33 00:01:24,319 --> 00:01:26,240 Speaker 3: feel like a plastic bag drifting. 34 00:01:26,040 --> 00:01:26,480 Speaker 2: Through the wind? 35 00:01:27,080 --> 00:01:27,399 Speaker 3: Feel? 36 00:01:28,160 --> 00:01:32,800 Speaker 1: Oh, that's what she's drifting through the wind? Okay, did 37 00:01:32,840 --> 00:01:33,240 Speaker 1: not know. 38 00:01:33,280 --> 00:01:35,280 Speaker 2: To start again? Yeah? 39 00:01:35,319 --> 00:01:39,200 Speaker 1: Wow, okay, mm hmmm. You know, we know the thing 40 00:01:39,200 --> 00:01:41,199 Speaker 1: with Katie Perry's music. I'm just gonna be real honest 41 00:01:41,280 --> 00:01:43,240 Speaker 1: right now, real fast. I've kind of been a hater, 42 00:01:43,440 --> 00:01:47,200 Speaker 1: if I'm being honest, And it's like the songs get 43 00:01:47,240 --> 00:01:50,280 Speaker 1: into your bones and before you all the lyrics, you're 44 00:01:50,320 --> 00:01:52,360 Speaker 1: singing along and that's just kind of like the name 45 00:01:52,400 --> 00:01:54,120 Speaker 1: of the game with that kind of stuff. I feel. 46 00:01:54,320 --> 00:01:58,120 Speaker 3: Yeah, it's it's great background music. Yeah. 47 00:01:57,880 --> 00:01:59,840 Speaker 1: Yeah, I met her one time. I've ever told you 48 00:01:59,840 --> 00:02:02,960 Speaker 1: this story. I was working on American Idol with Bobby 49 00:02:03,000 --> 00:02:06,080 Speaker 1: Ben's and he was a mentor, and so we would 50 00:02:06,080 --> 00:02:09,200 Speaker 1: go do all the like promotional stuff with all the 51 00:02:09,240 --> 00:02:12,079 Speaker 1: host of American Idol before and so we were at 52 00:02:12,080 --> 00:02:14,359 Speaker 1: this photo shoot and I had on my hot country 53 00:02:14,480 --> 00:02:17,000 Speaker 1: Night's fanny pack, which is what I keep like my 54 00:02:17,120 --> 00:02:20,240 Speaker 1: wardrobe supplies in, you know, like double stick tape, safety 55 00:02:20,280 --> 00:02:23,320 Speaker 1: mens clips, things like that. And she walked up to 56 00:02:23,360 --> 00:02:27,560 Speaker 1: me and complimented it. That's amazing, And I died because 57 00:02:27,560 --> 00:02:31,240 Speaker 1: I was like the hot Country Nights all over right now. 58 00:02:31,320 --> 00:02:34,280 Speaker 1: If they knew that Katy Perry is complimenting me on 59 00:02:34,280 --> 00:02:35,200 Speaker 1: my fanny pack. 60 00:02:35,600 --> 00:02:38,360 Speaker 3: I mean the moment that Katy Perry is having right 61 00:02:38,360 --> 00:02:41,600 Speaker 3: and it's like she's like easily like the most made 62 00:02:41,600 --> 00:02:42,360 Speaker 3: fun of person on. 63 00:02:42,360 --> 00:02:43,160 Speaker 1: The internet right now. 64 00:02:43,240 --> 00:02:44,920 Speaker 2: I mean I kind of feel like she'd be a 65 00:02:44,919 --> 00:02:48,040 Speaker 2: great feature for a Country Nights song. 66 00:02:48,280 --> 00:02:51,120 Speaker 1: Oh my god, she'd be so good. She'd be so good. 67 00:02:52,520 --> 00:02:55,119 Speaker 3: I don't know her personally, so I don't know if 68 00:02:55,120 --> 00:02:57,560 Speaker 3: she has a sense of humor about this shit or 69 00:02:57,600 --> 00:02:58,839 Speaker 3: if it really gets to her. 70 00:02:59,320 --> 00:03:00,799 Speaker 1: Well, she's kind of going through it. I mean, she's 71 00:03:00,840 --> 00:03:03,840 Speaker 1: called off an engagement with Orleando Bloom. 72 00:03:04,240 --> 00:03:06,560 Speaker 2: I thought they were married, to be honest, but I 73 00:03:06,600 --> 00:03:09,640 Speaker 2: knew that they were breaking up. Yeah, you just didn't 74 00:03:09,919 --> 00:03:12,200 Speaker 2: get it. I mean I've read that they were breaking up, but. 75 00:03:13,320 --> 00:03:17,480 Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, yeah, she just can't get things right. 76 00:03:17,960 --> 00:03:18,280 Speaker 3: Well. 77 00:03:18,360 --> 00:03:20,720 Speaker 1: I mean, I would love to look at her chart 78 00:03:20,760 --> 00:03:22,560 Speaker 1: and see what she's going through, because it does seem 79 00:03:22,560 --> 00:03:24,360 Speaker 1: like she's having a bit of a moment right now. 80 00:03:24,520 --> 00:03:29,280 Speaker 1: Mm hmm. Anyway, we digress a big time because Katie 81 00:03:29,280 --> 00:03:31,840 Speaker 1: Ferry was nowhere on my Bingo card for this conversation. 82 00:03:33,639 --> 00:03:36,280 Speaker 1: I was telling you before the podcast, this is the 83 00:03:36,360 --> 00:03:38,800 Speaker 1: second month in a row I've gotten into it with 84 00:03:38,880 --> 00:03:41,560 Speaker 1: Marv on the podcast. Like, in what world am I 85 00:03:41,600 --> 00:03:43,000 Speaker 1: fighting with my astrologer? 86 00:03:44,080 --> 00:03:45,880 Speaker 2: I mean, I'd be worried that he'd fucking put a 87 00:03:45,920 --> 00:03:46,560 Speaker 2: hacks on me. 88 00:03:50,520 --> 00:03:52,720 Speaker 1: Well, I don't know. I mean honestly, like I'm probably 89 00:03:52,760 --> 00:03:55,880 Speaker 1: more witchy than him. He's more matter of fact about things. 90 00:03:56,480 --> 00:03:58,960 Speaker 1: But we keep getting into this debate, and I found 91 00:03:58,960 --> 00:04:03,160 Speaker 1: it to be such an interest seeing just situation that's happening. 92 00:04:03,160 --> 00:04:07,200 Speaker 1: So I leave our entire conversation in the podcast both 93 00:04:07,280 --> 00:04:10,320 Speaker 1: times I have because I think that it's like such 94 00:04:10,360 --> 00:04:15,080 Speaker 1: a good example of two people saying the same thing 95 00:04:15,360 --> 00:04:19,960 Speaker 1: essentially in different ways and not being able to feel 96 00:04:20,760 --> 00:04:22,520 Speaker 1: like seen or heard. I mean, this is more of 97 00:04:22,520 --> 00:04:25,640 Speaker 1: a me issue than a Marv thing. What that's bringing up, 98 00:04:26,040 --> 00:04:28,279 Speaker 1: and I think we all can relate to this example 99 00:04:28,600 --> 00:04:31,760 Speaker 1: and kind of it's what happens on a day to 100 00:04:31,839 --> 00:04:34,359 Speaker 1: day in our lives and we're not fully paying attention. 101 00:04:34,480 --> 00:04:37,600 Speaker 1: But it just so happened this month. I mean, obviously, 102 00:04:37,640 --> 00:04:40,320 Speaker 1: I think there's no mistakes. It totally worked with what's 103 00:04:40,360 --> 00:04:43,520 Speaker 1: happening astrologically. So if you guys want to hear that 104 00:04:43,760 --> 00:04:45,920 Speaker 1: and kind of understand some of the themes that you're 105 00:04:45,920 --> 00:04:48,120 Speaker 1: probably going to be bumping up against in this next 106 00:04:48,160 --> 00:04:51,600 Speaker 1: month of all the cancer energy, the Capricorn full moon, 107 00:04:52,040 --> 00:04:54,920 Speaker 1: go listen to my podcast with Marv and my debate 108 00:04:55,000 --> 00:04:57,520 Speaker 1: with Marv. I would call it. I guess he wasn't 109 00:04:57,560 --> 00:04:59,360 Speaker 1: really getting worked up at all, but we were both 110 00:04:59,440 --> 00:05:01,400 Speaker 1: kind of getting frustrated with each other. I just like 111 00:05:01,520 --> 00:05:04,479 Speaker 1: or just the fact that, like we could not get 112 00:05:04,520 --> 00:05:07,480 Speaker 1: to a resolve. You know, it wasn't really necessarily at 113 00:05:07,560 --> 00:05:09,720 Speaker 1: him or him getting frustrated with me. It was that 114 00:05:10,000 --> 00:05:12,719 Speaker 1: I think we were both saying things and going, oh, 115 00:05:12,760 --> 00:05:14,920 Speaker 1: why are you not getting what I'm saying? Right? 116 00:05:14,960 --> 00:05:16,880 Speaker 2: You're not picking up what he's putting down in vices. 117 00:05:18,240 --> 00:05:22,760 Speaker 3: It's funny too, because we obviously talked before the podcast 118 00:05:22,839 --> 00:05:24,560 Speaker 3: about what we're going to talk about a little bit, 119 00:05:24,720 --> 00:05:26,280 Speaker 3: and I said something to you earlier and. 120 00:05:26,200 --> 00:05:29,040 Speaker 2: You're like, well, shit, that just made Marv make sense. 121 00:05:29,200 --> 00:05:29,599 Speaker 1: It did. 122 00:05:29,800 --> 00:05:30,200 Speaker 3: It did. 123 00:05:30,839 --> 00:05:33,480 Speaker 1: The way that Chip worded something kind of made one 124 00:05:33,520 --> 00:05:36,800 Speaker 1: of the things that I've been debating about with Marv click. 125 00:05:37,400 --> 00:05:40,719 Speaker 1: And so we're having some disconnect in how we're wording things. 126 00:05:41,360 --> 00:05:44,760 Speaker 1: And you know, I'm such a big communicator and one 127 00:05:44,760 --> 00:05:47,960 Speaker 1: of my biggest I would say triggers because it's a 128 00:05:47,960 --> 00:05:50,839 Speaker 1: part of my chiron if anyone is familiar with the 129 00:05:50,880 --> 00:05:55,000 Speaker 1: astrology of that of just feeling understood, like feeling seen, 130 00:05:55,120 --> 00:05:58,719 Speaker 1: feeling heard, feeling understood. Those are big driving forces in 131 00:05:58,760 --> 00:06:01,120 Speaker 1: my life and it's something that I buck up against 132 00:06:01,279 --> 00:06:05,480 Speaker 1: a lot, and in relationships it's really shown its face. 133 00:06:06,000 --> 00:06:08,039 Speaker 1: But I think it's like a big theme for me. 134 00:06:08,200 --> 00:06:10,839 Speaker 1: But I think it's pretty common in everyone's life. And 135 00:06:10,920 --> 00:06:13,400 Speaker 1: I think most of us, especially if you've been in 136 00:06:13,440 --> 00:06:16,320 Speaker 1: any kind of long term relationship at you know, in 137 00:06:16,440 --> 00:06:20,359 Speaker 1: any capacity, probably have dealt with these kind of things 138 00:06:20,360 --> 00:06:23,120 Speaker 1: where it's like you just want them to get it 139 00:06:23,160 --> 00:06:25,800 Speaker 1: and you'll go round and around. And that is my 140 00:06:25,839 --> 00:06:29,800 Speaker 1: biggest thing. It's like, letting go of being understood is 141 00:06:29,920 --> 00:06:32,440 Speaker 1: hard for me because I just I'm like, no, maybe 142 00:06:32,440 --> 00:06:34,720 Speaker 1: if I just say it this other way they'll get it, 143 00:06:35,040 --> 00:06:38,320 Speaker 1: or maybe if I like take a beat and come 144 00:06:38,360 --> 00:06:40,720 Speaker 1: back to it, you know what I mean. It's like 145 00:06:41,040 --> 00:06:44,800 Speaker 1: that need to just be like, oh, this is what 146 00:06:44,839 --> 00:06:46,840 Speaker 1: she's saying or this is what he's saying, and then 147 00:06:46,839 --> 00:06:49,400 Speaker 1: you can kind of like connect on that level, right. 148 00:06:49,520 --> 00:06:53,960 Speaker 3: Right, me, I'm the same way, but not as communicative 149 00:06:54,320 --> 00:06:59,800 Speaker 3: because I'm so afraid of confrontation that like, I just 150 00:07:00,040 --> 00:07:02,840 Speaker 3: want people to get it and I hope that by 151 00:07:02,880 --> 00:07:05,040 Speaker 3: the way that I act, they'll pick up what I'm 152 00:07:05,040 --> 00:07:05,640 Speaker 3: putting down. 153 00:07:06,080 --> 00:07:07,520 Speaker 2: And that just doesn't work, you know. 154 00:07:07,640 --> 00:07:10,840 Speaker 3: All that leads to is breakups and frustration, which is 155 00:07:10,840 --> 00:07:12,640 Speaker 3: why I said here as a. 156 00:07:12,200 --> 00:07:13,640 Speaker 2: Nearly fifty year old man single. 157 00:07:14,080 --> 00:07:16,880 Speaker 3: But to me, it's always like, is it so fucking 158 00:07:16,920 --> 00:07:19,840 Speaker 3: hard to be a good person or to show up fully? 159 00:07:20,520 --> 00:07:23,560 Speaker 3: And you know that's easy to think, but like, then 160 00:07:23,600 --> 00:07:25,120 Speaker 3: if I'm not communicating, am. 161 00:07:25,000 --> 00:07:25,920 Speaker 2: I showing up fully? 162 00:07:26,240 --> 00:07:30,080 Speaker 3: Right? You know? But it is It's like it is 163 00:07:30,480 --> 00:07:34,520 Speaker 3: a fear of confrontation for me that often leads to 164 00:07:34,760 --> 00:07:38,680 Speaker 3: the inability to communicate properly in the moment, which then 165 00:07:38,720 --> 00:07:39,640 Speaker 3: blows up in my face. 166 00:07:40,040 --> 00:07:42,040 Speaker 1: Right. And one of the things that Marvi and I 167 00:07:42,120 --> 00:07:44,640 Speaker 1: were talking about and I'll give you, guys the example 168 00:07:44,760 --> 00:07:47,880 Speaker 1: that had happened in my life as well. But one 169 00:07:47,920 --> 00:07:50,120 Speaker 1: of the things we were talking about is that there 170 00:07:50,160 --> 00:07:53,960 Speaker 1: are always are four human beings. There are often emotions 171 00:07:54,120 --> 00:07:58,520 Speaker 1: behind these actions that we're taking. Or see, this is 172 00:07:58,520 --> 00:07:59,880 Speaker 1: where I'm having a hard time right now. I'm going 173 00:08:00,120 --> 00:08:02,200 Speaker 1: a little blocked because the way Marv says it is 174 00:08:02,240 --> 00:08:04,040 Speaker 1: what doesn't make sense to me. But I'll say it 175 00:08:04,040 --> 00:08:07,600 Speaker 1: the way that I understand it, and maybe that will 176 00:08:07,600 --> 00:08:10,000 Speaker 1: make sense to you guys. But basically, like I think 177 00:08:10,040 --> 00:08:12,640 Speaker 1: that we go about life and we're bump we bump 178 00:08:12,720 --> 00:08:17,600 Speaker 1: up against certain situations and relationships and for a reason, 179 00:08:18,000 --> 00:08:20,679 Speaker 1: they are supposed to mirror the things inside of us. 180 00:08:20,800 --> 00:08:23,400 Speaker 1: Like we talk about triggers often on this podcast, right, 181 00:08:23,480 --> 00:08:26,800 Speaker 1: So they're supposed to trigger us because you know, in 182 00:08:26,800 --> 00:08:29,200 Speaker 1: the way that I believe life works, like, we're all 183 00:08:29,200 --> 00:08:31,480 Speaker 1: here to evolve. So if we never got triggered or 184 00:08:31,480 --> 00:08:34,640 Speaker 1: we never went through pain, right, we would never change 185 00:08:34,720 --> 00:08:37,000 Speaker 1: or grow or face the things that are going on 186 00:08:37,080 --> 00:08:40,000 Speaker 1: inside of us. And like what you're describing is you 187 00:08:40,040 --> 00:08:43,680 Speaker 1: go about life, you have these emotions that come up 188 00:08:44,000 --> 00:08:47,960 Speaker 1: or these thought processes that you attached to certain situations, 189 00:08:48,440 --> 00:08:50,360 Speaker 1: and you go, well, now, why don't they just get 190 00:08:50,360 --> 00:08:53,640 Speaker 1: it that way right? Why don't they just understand, and like, 191 00:08:53,840 --> 00:08:56,240 Speaker 1: I'm going, well, if I just communicate it in this way, 192 00:08:56,280 --> 00:08:58,400 Speaker 1: then they will. You know, we we both have our 193 00:08:58,480 --> 00:09:02,000 Speaker 1: like driving forces. But the reality is is every single 194 00:09:02,080 --> 00:09:05,640 Speaker 1: human being is going through this life operating from their lens, 195 00:09:05,720 --> 00:09:11,000 Speaker 1: from their wounds, from their past live karma, from their insecurities, from. 196 00:09:10,880 --> 00:09:15,319 Speaker 2: All their experiences like the experiences. For those who don't. 197 00:09:15,160 --> 00:09:18,280 Speaker 3: Believe in past lives and souls, you know, growing and 198 00:09:18,320 --> 00:09:21,840 Speaker 3: whatever like, then you would think that the belief would 199 00:09:21,840 --> 00:09:24,360 Speaker 3: be I can only operate off of the things that 200 00:09:24,400 --> 00:09:27,839 Speaker 3: I've experienced and learned. Yeah, so I can't see things 201 00:09:27,840 --> 00:09:31,480 Speaker 3: necessarily from your perspective, which it could be also very 202 00:09:31,480 --> 00:09:32,719 Speaker 3: true for a new soul. 203 00:09:33,280 --> 00:09:36,320 Speaker 1: That's a true soul. Yes, yeah, so I mean, yeah, 204 00:09:36,320 --> 00:09:38,760 Speaker 1: we're saying the same things. But so basically I had 205 00:09:38,760 --> 00:09:41,400 Speaker 1: told Marv this story, And if you haven't listened to 206 00:09:41,400 --> 00:09:43,400 Speaker 1: the Wednesday podcast yet, I'll just fell you guys in. So, 207 00:09:43,480 --> 00:09:45,880 Speaker 1: I was at dinner with a friend last night who 208 00:09:46,200 --> 00:09:48,960 Speaker 1: is newly dating someone, and you know that new dating thing. 209 00:09:49,400 --> 00:09:52,840 Speaker 1: Everyone's trying to like figure everybody out and what's between 210 00:09:52,840 --> 00:09:55,240 Speaker 1: the lines? Then, yeah, how what do I text on this? 211 00:09:55,360 --> 00:09:56,960 Speaker 1: And so we were kind of in that place and 212 00:09:57,480 --> 00:09:59,360 Speaker 1: she got a tax from this guy that she's been 213 00:09:59,400 --> 00:10:02,720 Speaker 1: newly seeing, and it let her down. It was something 214 00:10:02,760 --> 00:10:05,640 Speaker 1: that she felt like he had said he would follow 215 00:10:05,679 --> 00:10:07,960 Speaker 1: through on that he didn't and he kind of like 216 00:10:08,520 --> 00:10:11,880 Speaker 1: changed his narrative and it was interesting and like you 217 00:10:11,880 --> 00:10:14,120 Speaker 1: knows that part of the story isn't as important as 218 00:10:14,200 --> 00:10:17,000 Speaker 1: kind of what happened after, because what happened after was 219 00:10:17,040 --> 00:10:20,920 Speaker 1: like all of a sudden, she kind of like froze up. 220 00:10:21,040 --> 00:10:24,439 Speaker 1: She got angry, she wanted to shut down, she wanted 221 00:10:24,440 --> 00:10:27,720 Speaker 1: to end the relationship. She wanted even though she doesn't, yeah, 222 00:10:27,720 --> 00:10:30,080 Speaker 1: a little bit reactive, like she just doesn't she doesn't 223 00:10:30,080 --> 00:10:32,520 Speaker 1: even know what it is yet. But she started attaching 224 00:10:32,600 --> 00:10:34,880 Speaker 1: all of these things to it. And it was a 225 00:10:34,960 --> 00:10:37,560 Speaker 1: really interesting experience that I had with her because we 226 00:10:37,559 --> 00:10:40,720 Speaker 1: were able to then kind of get to the driving 227 00:10:40,760 --> 00:10:44,560 Speaker 1: forces behind what was making her angry and all the things. 228 00:10:44,640 --> 00:10:47,240 Speaker 1: And yes, she did need to set some boundaries because 229 00:10:47,600 --> 00:10:49,400 Speaker 1: there was some things she needed to communicate about that 230 00:10:49,440 --> 00:10:51,839 Speaker 1: are really important to her, and so she was able 231 00:10:51,880 --> 00:10:54,440 Speaker 1: to do that. But then it was interesting because she 232 00:10:54,480 --> 00:10:56,120 Speaker 1: texted me this morning and she was like, I'm so 233 00:10:56,160 --> 00:10:57,960 Speaker 1: glad that we talked that through because it was my 234 00:10:58,000 --> 00:11:00,800 Speaker 1: insecurities driving me, like it really nothing to do with 235 00:11:00,840 --> 00:11:04,679 Speaker 1: what he did, but what it triggered in her was 236 00:11:05,360 --> 00:11:08,040 Speaker 1: all this emotional stuff. And so if she had just 237 00:11:08,440 --> 00:11:11,560 Speaker 1: operated from that place last night without giving it any thought, 238 00:11:12,080 --> 00:11:15,000 Speaker 1: she probably would have taken an action that wouldn't have 239 00:11:15,120 --> 00:11:18,040 Speaker 1: fully lined up with what she wanted or what she 240 00:11:18,120 --> 00:11:22,200 Speaker 1: felt today, but in that moment would have felt, you know, 241 00:11:22,480 --> 00:11:25,440 Speaker 1: veryly in line like so pissed and like I'm just 242 00:11:25,480 --> 00:11:27,920 Speaker 1: gonna react, I'm gonna shut it down. She probably would 243 00:11:27,920 --> 00:11:30,080 Speaker 1: have woke up this morning like, well, shit, I ended 244 00:11:30,120 --> 00:11:32,079 Speaker 1: that relationship and I really didn't want to that. 245 00:11:33,400 --> 00:11:33,600 Speaker 2: Yeah. 246 00:11:33,679 --> 00:11:36,160 Speaker 1: Yeah, And you told me you had actually seen another 247 00:11:36,240 --> 00:11:38,240 Speaker 1: meme that was similar, didn't you. Today. 248 00:11:38,480 --> 00:11:41,040 Speaker 3: I saw someone posted today and I'm going to paraphrase 249 00:11:41,080 --> 00:11:42,680 Speaker 3: it because I can't. I can't remember who it was, 250 00:11:42,760 --> 00:11:45,160 Speaker 3: but it struck me, and it said something like, I 251 00:11:45,280 --> 00:11:47,920 Speaker 3: never get upset when someone's crying over the little things 252 00:11:48,000 --> 00:11:50,400 Speaker 3: because I know that it's about the moments that led 253 00:11:50,480 --> 00:11:54,040 Speaker 3: up to that, which is you know, it's it's a 254 00:11:54,040 --> 00:11:57,800 Speaker 3: really interesting observation because I know for me, I mean, 255 00:11:57,800 --> 00:11:59,440 Speaker 3: I used to be much more of a crier when 256 00:11:59,480 --> 00:12:00,599 Speaker 3: I was a little bit, but I'm not much of 257 00:12:00,640 --> 00:12:02,960 Speaker 3: a crier now. But I know if I get to 258 00:12:03,000 --> 00:12:06,640 Speaker 3: that point, it is rarely unless it's like we're talking 259 00:12:06,640 --> 00:12:08,720 Speaker 3: about like the death of a dog or a family 260 00:12:08,760 --> 00:12:09,760 Speaker 3: member or someone you love. 261 00:12:10,320 --> 00:12:12,640 Speaker 2: But like if I'm crying out of frustration, it. 262 00:12:12,679 --> 00:12:17,120 Speaker 3: Is very rarely that it's like that was bound to 263 00:12:17,280 --> 00:12:20,120 Speaker 3: happen because I've let the other things sort of pile up, 264 00:12:20,800 --> 00:12:23,280 Speaker 3: and you know, it's hard for me to believe that, 265 00:12:23,760 --> 00:12:25,839 Speaker 3: you know, really anyone cries over spilt milk. 266 00:12:25,920 --> 00:12:28,200 Speaker 2: You know, it's not what it's about. 267 00:12:28,559 --> 00:12:31,040 Speaker 1: It makes me think about the meme that talks about 268 00:12:31,320 --> 00:12:33,960 Speaker 1: couples always fight about dishes, you know, like how you 269 00:12:34,000 --> 00:12:36,079 Speaker 1: load the dishwasher for instance. I mean, I can't tell 270 00:12:36,080 --> 00:12:37,360 Speaker 1: you the amount of times I've been in a fight 271 00:12:37,400 --> 00:12:39,880 Speaker 1: about that with ex's of mine. 272 00:12:40,480 --> 00:12:42,880 Speaker 2: But folding the laundry, they're right, folding. 273 00:12:42,520 --> 00:12:45,360 Speaker 1: The laundry, Like, but it's never really about that, right, 274 00:12:45,480 --> 00:12:48,440 Speaker 1: Like it's never really about the way you load the dishwasher. 275 00:12:48,520 --> 00:12:52,720 Speaker 1: It's never really about the laundry. It's what what them 276 00:12:52,840 --> 00:12:55,400 Speaker 1: not doing? It in the way you asked or you 277 00:12:55,480 --> 00:12:59,520 Speaker 1: see communicates to you deep down, which is typically something 278 00:12:59,520 --> 00:13:02,160 Speaker 1: that has nothing to do with that current person. It's 279 00:13:02,200 --> 00:13:06,120 Speaker 1: an old narrative that somehow has like stayed in your 280 00:13:06,160 --> 00:13:08,719 Speaker 1: brain or your body or hasn't been resolved in you. 281 00:13:09,320 --> 00:13:12,000 Speaker 1: And like maybe they load the dishwasher away that you 282 00:13:12,080 --> 00:13:15,240 Speaker 1: ask them not to, and you think, oh, these dishes. 283 00:13:15,280 --> 00:13:17,240 Speaker 1: It makes you mad about the dishes, but really it's like, 284 00:13:17,360 --> 00:13:19,319 Speaker 1: oh no, it's saying to me that I don't matter 285 00:13:19,360 --> 00:13:21,800 Speaker 1: to them, which is what you do in therapy, if 286 00:13:21,800 --> 00:13:23,800 Speaker 1: you have a good therapist, is break down the like 287 00:13:23,960 --> 00:13:27,320 Speaker 1: behind the scenes thing going on at all times. And 288 00:13:27,360 --> 00:13:29,320 Speaker 1: that's what I was trying to talk about with Marv, 289 00:13:29,480 --> 00:13:32,160 Speaker 1: and he was saying it in a way that I 290 00:13:32,240 --> 00:13:35,040 Speaker 1: was like, but if we didn't have those things, like 291 00:13:35,120 --> 00:13:40,360 Speaker 1: we didn't have those emotions that could communicate the things 292 00:13:40,400 --> 00:13:43,320 Speaker 1: happening inside of us going on, or we didn't pay 293 00:13:43,360 --> 00:13:46,560 Speaker 1: attention to them, how would we ever grow, Like, how 294 00:13:46,559 --> 00:13:48,720 Speaker 1: would we ever do that? I don't know, So that's 295 00:13:48,760 --> 00:13:51,400 Speaker 1: kind of like a side point. But to what you 296 00:13:51,480 --> 00:13:54,320 Speaker 1: were saying, it's kind of like, well, maybe I just 297 00:13:54,360 --> 00:13:56,880 Speaker 1: never think about that though, And so I'm just operating 298 00:13:56,920 --> 00:13:59,720 Speaker 1: on these like it's about the dishes. Well. 299 00:13:59,760 --> 00:14:03,640 Speaker 3: I also because I'm non confrontational, it's like, as little 300 00:14:03,640 --> 00:14:08,320 Speaker 3: things happen, I don't address them, okay, and then those 301 00:14:08,320 --> 00:14:10,800 Speaker 3: little things do they become like a big thing. And 302 00:14:10,840 --> 00:14:14,439 Speaker 3: it could be the dishes where maybe I have said, hey, 303 00:14:14,480 --> 00:14:17,280 Speaker 3: I hate that, and then then I'm keeping score when 304 00:14:17,320 --> 00:14:19,880 Speaker 3: it happens again, and rather than addressing it the next 305 00:14:19,920 --> 00:14:21,640 Speaker 3: time and be like, hey, remember I said I hate that, 306 00:14:22,000 --> 00:14:24,880 Speaker 3: Like yeah, then it's like, okay, you're not listening, and 307 00:14:24,920 --> 00:14:27,720 Speaker 3: now you don't you hate me. And it's all of 308 00:14:27,840 --> 00:14:30,640 Speaker 3: the things like I had in a past relationship where 309 00:14:31,120 --> 00:14:32,960 Speaker 3: I would come home and he would have done laundry 310 00:14:32,960 --> 00:14:34,920 Speaker 3: and folded his own and mine would be sitting in 311 00:14:34,920 --> 00:14:38,920 Speaker 3: a pile, and I never said anything about it until 312 00:14:38,960 --> 00:14:42,160 Speaker 3: finally it annoyed me so much that I did. And 313 00:14:42,240 --> 00:14:45,240 Speaker 3: apparently it was because I had said something about not 314 00:14:45,320 --> 00:14:47,520 Speaker 3: liking the way that he folded my clothes. 315 00:14:47,720 --> 00:14:49,800 Speaker 2: Sure, so he just stopped folding my clothes. 316 00:14:50,000 --> 00:14:53,920 Speaker 3: Yeah, rather than it being like a conversation like, well, 317 00:14:53,960 --> 00:14:56,360 Speaker 3: how do you want them folded, or him being like, hey, 318 00:14:56,360 --> 00:14:58,000 Speaker 3: if you don't like how I fold them, I'm just 319 00:14:58,080 --> 00:14:59,560 Speaker 3: gonna set them aside and let you do it. 320 00:15:00,240 --> 00:15:02,080 Speaker 2: That would have solved the whole thing. 321 00:15:02,480 --> 00:15:05,040 Speaker 3: Yeah, Instead, it was like it felt like this like 322 00:15:05,200 --> 00:15:09,560 Speaker 3: passive aggressive thing. I didn't remember saying. I don't even 323 00:15:09,760 --> 00:15:11,520 Speaker 3: know if I ever communicated that I didn't like how 324 00:15:11,520 --> 00:15:14,200 Speaker 3: he folded. He probably saw me like refold something, you know, 325 00:15:15,000 --> 00:15:18,040 Speaker 3: and then it was in his mind I didn't like 326 00:15:18,080 --> 00:15:21,800 Speaker 3: how he folded. But whatever, that little thing blew up 327 00:15:21,840 --> 00:15:25,320 Speaker 3: one day into this like massive argument that was about 328 00:15:25,400 --> 00:15:28,160 Speaker 3: so much. The truth is is like the relationship wasn't 329 00:15:28,200 --> 00:15:31,280 Speaker 3: working at that point anyway, But it was a lot 330 00:15:31,360 --> 00:15:34,320 Speaker 3: easier to fight about the folded clothes or the not 331 00:15:34,480 --> 00:15:37,320 Speaker 3: folded clothes than it was to like actually deal with 332 00:15:37,360 --> 00:15:40,960 Speaker 3: the problem in hand well because it had so much. 333 00:15:40,800 --> 00:15:41,600 Speaker 2: More to under road. 334 00:15:41,760 --> 00:15:44,840 Speaker 1: Yes, And I always think it's so interesting because we 335 00:15:44,840 --> 00:15:47,720 Speaker 1: can all case build against each other. Right, So it's like, 336 00:15:47,840 --> 00:15:50,800 Speaker 1: in that situation, you said the relationship wasn't already working, 337 00:15:51,240 --> 00:15:53,200 Speaker 1: and I don't know which relationship you're talking about, so 338 00:15:53,200 --> 00:15:55,520 Speaker 1: I don't really know exactly why. But like, let's say, 339 00:15:55,560 --> 00:15:59,600 Speaker 1: for instance, you thought he didn't care about your needs, 340 00:15:59,760 --> 00:16:03,040 Speaker 1: or or you were like he's lazy, and so you 341 00:16:03,080 --> 00:16:06,680 Speaker 1: would walk in and see those clothes piles or whatever, 342 00:16:06,960 --> 00:16:09,360 Speaker 1: and his is folded in, yours not, and you could 343 00:16:09,400 --> 00:16:12,280 Speaker 1: immediately start attaching it to the narratives in your head 344 00:16:12,640 --> 00:16:14,480 Speaker 1: about what that would mean. And that was what was 345 00:16:14,520 --> 00:16:17,760 Speaker 1: happening to our friend last night. And the second she 346 00:16:17,840 --> 00:16:21,720 Speaker 1: started saying, well, he obviously thinks blah blah blah about me, 347 00:16:21,760 --> 00:16:24,600 Speaker 1: I was like, WHOA. It was wild to see where 348 00:16:24,600 --> 00:16:26,840 Speaker 1: her brain went, because as a person that had been 349 00:16:26,880 --> 00:16:30,040 Speaker 1: sitting in the situation experiencing it with her, that those 350 00:16:30,040 --> 00:16:32,760 Speaker 1: thoughts never crossed my mind, right, So it just goes 351 00:16:32,800 --> 00:16:35,440 Speaker 1: to show that it was really truly about something inside 352 00:16:35,480 --> 00:16:37,920 Speaker 1: of her, right, Not that she didn't need to like 353 00:16:38,040 --> 00:16:41,880 Speaker 1: set boundaries or communicate with him about that situation. But 354 00:16:41,920 --> 00:16:45,200 Speaker 1: I just think it's so fascinating to think about, like, 355 00:16:45,360 --> 00:16:48,280 Speaker 1: when we're triggered, what is one. 356 00:16:48,160 --> 00:16:51,520 Speaker 2: Of bind me? Yeah, And you know, I wonder why 357 00:16:51,520 --> 00:16:51,720 Speaker 2: it is. 358 00:16:51,800 --> 00:16:54,480 Speaker 3: I mean, I don't know that this is true for everyone. 359 00:16:54,560 --> 00:16:57,440 Speaker 3: It's certainly true for me. Why isn't it the normal 360 00:16:57,480 --> 00:17:02,200 Speaker 3: reaction just to be like, excuse, like can you clarify 361 00:17:02,240 --> 00:17:03,080 Speaker 3: what you're saying there? 362 00:17:03,760 --> 00:17:07,800 Speaker 2: Rather than like let your brain just jump to all. 363 00:17:07,640 --> 00:17:10,159 Speaker 3: These conclusions and be like, well, this is you know, 364 00:17:10,240 --> 00:17:14,040 Speaker 3: in her words, he obviously blah blah blah, well not 365 00:17:14,200 --> 00:17:17,480 Speaker 3: so much, like rather than get worked up, like take 366 00:17:17,480 --> 00:17:19,520 Speaker 3: a minute and then be like, hey, can you clarify this? 367 00:17:19,960 --> 00:17:24,080 Speaker 3: Like and obviously I don't know the conversation, so I 368 00:17:24,080 --> 00:17:26,760 Speaker 3: don't know exactly how I would recommend that she responds, 369 00:17:27,040 --> 00:17:29,960 Speaker 3: but I do think it's often better to ask for 370 00:17:30,000 --> 00:17:31,200 Speaker 3: clarification than to make it. 371 00:17:31,359 --> 00:17:43,440 Speaker 1: Absolutely, I will say that has been the biggest difference 372 00:17:43,480 --> 00:17:47,440 Speaker 1: in this relationship for me than in past relationships, because 373 00:17:47,440 --> 00:17:50,760 Speaker 1: when I find myself get triggered, Thankfully, I've had enough 374 00:17:50,800 --> 00:17:54,400 Speaker 1: practice now with that, or I've sat, I've gotten comfortable with, 375 00:17:54,840 --> 00:17:57,000 Speaker 1: you know, what's going on inside of me being about 376 00:17:57,000 --> 00:18:00,600 Speaker 1: me more. And so when something will happened like with 377 00:18:00,680 --> 00:18:03,320 Speaker 1: my boyfriend. Now, let's I'm trying to think of an example. 378 00:18:04,160 --> 00:18:05,800 Speaker 1: I don't know, but I can just keep it general. 379 00:18:05,800 --> 00:18:09,640 Speaker 1: He'll say something, and I can say now really quickly, 380 00:18:09,720 --> 00:18:11,440 Speaker 1: like it took me a longer time at first to 381 00:18:11,480 --> 00:18:12,960 Speaker 1: kind of process through it and get to this, and 382 00:18:13,000 --> 00:18:15,119 Speaker 1: now it's just like it's in me to do. But 383 00:18:15,200 --> 00:18:19,919 Speaker 1: I'll say, okay, well, when you say that to me, 384 00:18:21,000 --> 00:18:23,080 Speaker 1: I'm trying to it's harder without say an example. Okay, 385 00:18:23,400 --> 00:18:25,760 Speaker 1: let me give I'll do the dishes again when you 386 00:18:25,880 --> 00:18:29,240 Speaker 1: let the dishwasser. No, that doesn't work. Shit, sorry'all. I'm 387 00:18:29,240 --> 00:18:31,600 Speaker 1: trying to think of an example. But basically I just 388 00:18:31,640 --> 00:18:34,159 Speaker 1: will say to him, like, hey, when you say that, 389 00:18:34,880 --> 00:18:36,680 Speaker 1: this is what I because it went against what you 390 00:18:36,760 --> 00:18:40,080 Speaker 1: said earlier, Like the story in my head is that 391 00:18:40,160 --> 00:18:43,400 Speaker 1: it means X, Y and Z, and it so often 392 00:18:43,520 --> 00:18:46,600 Speaker 1: He comes back immediately like, oh my god. Really that's 393 00:18:46,600 --> 00:18:49,399 Speaker 1: where like he's so shocked that I could even be 394 00:18:49,520 --> 00:18:53,320 Speaker 1: thinking that because it's so not his intention, but because 395 00:18:53,320 --> 00:18:55,679 Speaker 1: I've communicated it in a calm way, and then I 396 00:18:55,720 --> 00:18:58,600 Speaker 1: also am not saying it in an accusatory way. It's 397 00:18:58,640 --> 00:19:00,199 Speaker 1: just sort of like, hey, this is how that like 398 00:19:00,280 --> 00:19:04,119 Speaker 1: landing for me? Is this true? Is very gentle about it, 399 00:19:04,160 --> 00:19:05,760 Speaker 1: and like, no, oh my god, I can see where 400 00:19:05,760 --> 00:19:08,200 Speaker 1: you would say that based on how you just explained it, 401 00:19:08,280 --> 00:19:10,960 Speaker 1: but like, here's what is actually happening, right, and so 402 00:19:11,000 --> 00:19:13,800 Speaker 1: we're able to communicateate about it easily. The amount of 403 00:19:13,840 --> 00:19:17,679 Speaker 1: fights that that eliminates is wild, right, Like cause if I. 404 00:19:17,920 --> 00:19:20,359 Speaker 3: Exactly that, I would say something in the moment the 405 00:19:20,440 --> 00:19:22,680 Speaker 3: next day it comes up and you'd be like, yeah, 406 00:19:22,720 --> 00:19:25,160 Speaker 3: you'd be resentful, you might say something snarky that then 407 00:19:25,200 --> 00:19:29,359 Speaker 3: he doesn't understand, yes, and then it just comes to 408 00:19:29,440 --> 00:19:30,040 Speaker 3: a head. 409 00:19:31,160 --> 00:19:34,600 Speaker 1: And it helps it helps us get to the place 410 00:19:34,640 --> 00:19:38,159 Speaker 1: of like, even before I'm having to say that he 411 00:19:38,280 --> 00:19:40,920 Speaker 1: kind of knows the certain things that I that are 412 00:19:40,960 --> 00:19:43,080 Speaker 1: deep within me, or that my triggers now and on 413 00:19:43,160 --> 00:19:46,600 Speaker 1: those kind of things, and so with certain topics, he 414 00:19:46,680 --> 00:19:49,919 Speaker 1: knows how to like tread differently a little bit, you know, 415 00:19:50,000 --> 00:19:52,480 Speaker 1: and vice versa me with him, like I know certain 416 00:19:52,480 --> 00:19:55,240 Speaker 1: things that he's sensitive about. It's just like opened up 417 00:19:55,240 --> 00:19:57,600 Speaker 1: a whole new world. But what was happening with Marv 418 00:19:57,720 --> 00:20:00,159 Speaker 1: is I was like, really it was very intriguing to 419 00:20:00,200 --> 00:20:03,840 Speaker 1: me because I was thinking, oh, this is just so interesting. 420 00:20:03,880 --> 00:20:05,960 Speaker 1: Marvi and I are wired literally if you look at 421 00:20:06,000 --> 00:20:10,000 Speaker 1: our astrology to keep it on australogy, we're wired so opposite. 422 00:20:10,680 --> 00:20:13,399 Speaker 1: And so it was such an interesting process because I 423 00:20:13,480 --> 00:20:18,119 Speaker 1: was thinking, oh, we're actually saying the same thing, but 424 00:20:18,320 --> 00:20:21,360 Speaker 1: like I'm wanting him to understand it in the way 425 00:20:21,440 --> 00:20:25,760 Speaker 1: that I'm saying it and he isn't. It was frustrating 426 00:20:25,800 --> 00:20:27,720 Speaker 1: me and I was thinking my listeners aren't going to 427 00:20:27,840 --> 00:20:30,479 Speaker 1: understand this and whatever. And actually, who knows, they may 428 00:20:30,560 --> 00:20:32,920 Speaker 1: understand what he's saying, or they may understand what I'm saying, 429 00:20:33,200 --> 00:20:34,960 Speaker 1: but we're saying the same thing. And it was just 430 00:20:35,000 --> 00:20:39,520 Speaker 1: so interesting to process that with someone in that realm, 431 00:20:39,760 --> 00:20:40,000 Speaker 1: you know. 432 00:20:40,160 --> 00:20:42,600 Speaker 3: And I'm just did you did you come to that 433 00:20:42,880 --> 00:20:45,200 Speaker 3: on in your discussion or is it? 434 00:20:45,359 --> 00:20:47,200 Speaker 1: Yeah? I mean I told him, I was like, I'm 435 00:20:47,240 --> 00:20:51,719 Speaker 1: actively frustrated though, right talking about the ego of the emotion, 436 00:20:51,840 --> 00:20:53,720 Speaker 1: and I was like, that's fine. I just I'm not 437 00:20:53,760 --> 00:20:55,960 Speaker 1: going to like I'm not going to fight it or 438 00:20:56,200 --> 00:20:59,240 Speaker 1: like that is fine if my ego got triggered into 439 00:20:59,359 --> 00:21:03,320 Speaker 1: like neededing to explain. That's often what happens to me 440 00:21:03,400 --> 00:21:06,960 Speaker 1: when I get triggered, is I just over explain because 441 00:21:07,000 --> 00:21:09,560 Speaker 1: I'm trying to get to the place of us understanding 442 00:21:09,600 --> 00:21:11,720 Speaker 1: each other, you know. And so I had to accept, Okay, 443 00:21:11,760 --> 00:21:14,240 Speaker 1: what's happening to me now is this like deep need 444 00:21:14,280 --> 00:21:18,320 Speaker 1: to feel understood, and that is within me, so I 445 00:21:18,359 --> 00:21:22,280 Speaker 1: can let it go. Do I agree? No, not necessarily, 446 00:21:22,560 --> 00:21:23,879 Speaker 1: like he and I are just going to have to 447 00:21:23,920 --> 00:21:26,560 Speaker 1: agree to disagree on the way that's worded, right. 448 00:21:26,480 --> 00:21:29,600 Speaker 3: And often like what we say and what we mean 449 00:21:29,640 --> 00:21:32,560 Speaker 3: are very different things because we're limited in our capacity 450 00:21:32,640 --> 00:21:36,399 Speaker 3: with words, you know, Like sometimes we're trying to say 451 00:21:36,440 --> 00:21:39,800 Speaker 3: exactly the same thing but are incapable of doing it. 452 00:21:40,280 --> 00:21:42,960 Speaker 2: Yeah, which can be really frustrating in the moment. 453 00:21:43,240 --> 00:21:46,520 Speaker 3: But I think you know, whether it's in friendships, you know, 454 00:21:46,680 --> 00:21:51,720 Speaker 3: romantic relationships, whatever, Knowing that the intention behind what you're 455 00:21:51,760 --> 00:21:55,200 Speaker 3: saying is pure and kind is important, and that takes 456 00:21:55,200 --> 00:21:59,240 Speaker 3: constant communication. You know, like even if you know you're 457 00:21:59,240 --> 00:22:01,359 Speaker 3: putting on a dress and you say to your boyfriend, like, 458 00:22:01,720 --> 00:22:05,280 Speaker 3: what do you think and he likes the other one better? 459 00:22:06,119 --> 00:22:08,240 Speaker 3: You know, if you're showing two different dresses and you're like, 460 00:22:08,560 --> 00:22:10,840 Speaker 3: what do you think I'm fat? Or something like you 461 00:22:10,920 --> 00:22:12,600 Speaker 3: take it the wrong way and he's like, no, I 462 00:22:12,680 --> 00:22:13,800 Speaker 3: just like that one better. 463 00:22:14,040 --> 00:22:15,040 Speaker 1: Like the green dress better. 464 00:22:15,600 --> 00:22:19,400 Speaker 3: Yeah, but it can be it can be explosive if 465 00:22:19,400 --> 00:22:23,280 Speaker 3: you're not communicating constantly and properly well. 466 00:22:23,320 --> 00:22:26,639 Speaker 1: And I think it's another example of how important it 467 00:22:26,680 --> 00:22:29,640 Speaker 1: is for us to be attuned into our own journeys 468 00:22:29,680 --> 00:22:32,920 Speaker 1: in this life, and our own soul, like and our 469 00:22:32,960 --> 00:22:35,919 Speaker 1: own drivers, our own emotions. I think it's like so 470 00:22:36,160 --> 00:22:41,080 Speaker 1: fascinating that for so much of my life that wasn't discussed. 471 00:22:41,440 --> 00:22:48,400 Speaker 1: And looking around me the examples of adults, humans, all relationships, whatever, 472 00:22:48,720 --> 00:22:52,920 Speaker 1: I didn't see a lot of people. This isn't true. 473 00:22:53,040 --> 00:22:55,359 Speaker 1: Let me rephrase that, because I think the greatest gift 474 00:22:55,400 --> 00:22:57,639 Speaker 1: my parents gave me was that they did start to 475 00:22:57,680 --> 00:23:01,600 Speaker 1: look at that within themselves, and I watched them change, 476 00:23:01,640 --> 00:23:05,280 Speaker 1: I watched their relationship change, and that set me up 477 00:23:05,400 --> 00:23:09,320 Speaker 1: to really start being really curious about human beings. And like, 478 00:23:09,720 --> 00:23:12,240 Speaker 1: looking around me, I did not see a lot of 479 00:23:12,840 --> 00:23:17,240 Speaker 1: what's the word awareness necessarily, And so it just feels 480 00:23:17,320 --> 00:23:21,040 Speaker 1: like as humans in this world as it's currently set up, 481 00:23:21,520 --> 00:23:25,400 Speaker 1: we're often just reacting, all of us at all times. 482 00:23:25,440 --> 00:23:27,120 Speaker 1: And I think you can see it even on its 483 00:23:27,280 --> 00:23:30,679 Speaker 1: massive scale right now politically, Like we've talked about that 484 00:23:30,720 --> 00:23:33,080 Speaker 1: a lot on the podcast. There's so much just reaction, 485 00:23:33,680 --> 00:23:36,880 Speaker 1: and it's because we're all triggered into our fear constantly 486 00:23:37,000 --> 00:23:39,320 Speaker 1: right now, you know, And so we're operating from this 487 00:23:39,440 --> 00:23:44,000 Speaker 1: place of that versus actually trying to hear anybody or 488 00:23:44,040 --> 00:23:47,239 Speaker 1: hear everybody, or discuss or hold space for more than 489 00:23:47,280 --> 00:23:50,639 Speaker 1: one opinion. And like it's just a fascinating thing to 490 00:23:50,760 --> 00:23:53,320 Speaker 1: really start breaking down when you really look at it. 491 00:23:53,760 --> 00:23:55,720 Speaker 1: So it's just like an interesting topic to me to 492 00:23:55,760 --> 00:23:58,359 Speaker 1: think about what would happen if we all got to 493 00:23:58,440 --> 00:24:02,399 Speaker 1: this place of awareness within ourselves and we're willing to 494 00:24:02,480 --> 00:24:05,320 Speaker 1: actually ask ourselves the tough questions when we're having those 495 00:24:05,320 --> 00:24:09,359 Speaker 1: big emotional moments of wait, what is this bringing up 496 00:24:09,400 --> 00:24:12,040 Speaker 1: in me? And is that what's actually happening here? Is 497 00:24:12,080 --> 00:24:15,920 Speaker 1: that true? Or is there something I need to communicate about? 498 00:24:16,040 --> 00:24:18,439 Speaker 1: Or am I angry? Like has a boundary been crossed? 499 00:24:18,440 --> 00:24:20,320 Speaker 1: And do I just need to set a boundary versus 500 00:24:20,400 --> 00:24:23,359 Speaker 1: like go so black and white and in the relationship, 501 00:24:23,520 --> 00:24:26,640 Speaker 1: Like just asking those questions, what would that change? 502 00:24:26,920 --> 00:24:30,639 Speaker 3: Well, I mean it's not to make an excuse for it, 503 00:24:30,920 --> 00:24:32,760 Speaker 3: but I think if you look back just to our 504 00:24:32,840 --> 00:24:37,040 Speaker 3: evolutionist humans, like the most core part of our evolutionist 505 00:24:37,080 --> 00:24:40,480 Speaker 3: fight or flight surviving, and yeah, that is the way 506 00:24:40,480 --> 00:24:43,399 Speaker 3: that we survive. So it's like, if you take those 507 00:24:43,480 --> 00:24:46,760 Speaker 3: words at face value, whenever you react to something, you're 508 00:24:46,800 --> 00:24:48,639 Speaker 3: either going to fight or you're going to get the 509 00:24:48,640 --> 00:24:52,840 Speaker 3: fuck out of there. Yeah, and it doesn't like those reactions. 510 00:24:53,480 --> 00:24:58,280 Speaker 3: Somewhere in between is the like pause and understand, and 511 00:24:58,320 --> 00:25:01,640 Speaker 3: that's not part of our evolution andy DNA. You know, 512 00:25:01,760 --> 00:25:05,879 Speaker 3: like because you know we've if you go from caveman 513 00:25:06,080 --> 00:25:09,920 Speaker 3: to modern day human, we have a lot more words, 514 00:25:10,680 --> 00:25:14,160 Speaker 3: we have a lot more understanding of everything, but we 515 00:25:14,200 --> 00:25:17,560 Speaker 3: still have that core animal inside of us that was 516 00:25:17,560 --> 00:25:18,920 Speaker 3: the caveman that had to fight. 517 00:25:18,800 --> 00:25:20,960 Speaker 1: Or flight and true. 518 00:25:21,400 --> 00:25:25,119 Speaker 3: So it's I think in some ways we have to 519 00:25:25,200 --> 00:25:28,280 Speaker 3: understand that in ourselves, but we also have to understand 520 00:25:28,320 --> 00:25:32,399 Speaker 3: that in other people, because otherwise it's just going to 521 00:25:32,480 --> 00:25:35,480 Speaker 3: be You're always going to not understand each other. 522 00:25:35,880 --> 00:25:38,919 Speaker 1: So interestingly enough, as you were just saying that that 523 00:25:39,000 --> 00:25:42,639 Speaker 1: whole explanation, I realized one of the things that I 524 00:25:42,680 --> 00:25:45,800 Speaker 1: was getting triggered to with Marv is that he was 525 00:25:45,840 --> 00:25:48,920 Speaker 1: saying that we should react from our feeling. And then 526 00:25:49,080 --> 00:25:53,000 Speaker 1: like immediately within me that triggered. I did not want 527 00:25:53,000 --> 00:25:57,880 Speaker 1: to put that out publicly because of some couple situations 528 00:25:57,880 --> 00:26:00,879 Speaker 1: that I've had in the past and toxic relationship, and 529 00:26:00,960 --> 00:26:05,439 Speaker 1: people will use the excuse of well, I was just react, 530 00:26:05,520 --> 00:26:08,159 Speaker 1: you know, my gut just said or whatever, and I'm like, 531 00:26:08,520 --> 00:26:12,920 Speaker 1: you're literally projecting. They were projecting the whole situations that 532 00:26:13,520 --> 00:26:15,400 Speaker 1: let me think of how to say this, Like I've 533 00:26:15,400 --> 00:26:19,399 Speaker 1: been in two situations and relationships where I was blamed 534 00:26:19,480 --> 00:26:24,000 Speaker 1: for stuff that wasn't true, but because that person had 535 00:26:24,040 --> 00:26:28,320 Speaker 1: not dealt with their inner turmoil or whatever, they believed 536 00:26:28,359 --> 00:26:30,800 Speaker 1: that to be a fact. Does that make sense? 537 00:26:30,920 --> 00:26:31,680 Speaker 2: Like right? 538 00:26:31,680 --> 00:26:34,680 Speaker 1: But it's like it had been. It's a projection, projection, 539 00:26:34,880 --> 00:26:36,600 Speaker 1: And so I was having a really hard time with 540 00:26:36,640 --> 00:26:39,159 Speaker 1: what he was saying, being like to operate from our 541 00:26:39,200 --> 00:26:42,000 Speaker 1: feelings that change moment to moment, I'm going, well, if 542 00:26:42,000 --> 00:26:44,200 Speaker 1: they change moments a moment, how is that an accurate 543 00:26:44,240 --> 00:26:48,000 Speaker 1: thing to be reacting from. Like if we're doing that, 544 00:26:48,119 --> 00:26:51,679 Speaker 1: we're all gonna be just reacting from our inner turmoil 545 00:26:51,800 --> 00:26:55,120 Speaker 1: that's unsolved at all times. Like talk about fucking chaos, 546 00:26:55,240 --> 00:26:55,520 Speaker 1: you know. 547 00:26:55,920 --> 00:26:58,400 Speaker 3: And think about like if the person on the other 548 00:26:58,520 --> 00:27:01,920 Speaker 3: end is a pathological liar or just like lies a lot, 549 00:27:02,119 --> 00:27:04,960 Speaker 3: sure they are going to expect everyone to be a liar, 550 00:27:05,080 --> 00:27:07,600 Speaker 3: so their gut is not trustworthy. 551 00:27:07,520 --> 00:27:10,320 Speaker 1: Right, you know what I'm like, But it's and there's 552 00:27:10,440 --> 00:27:12,800 Speaker 1: just so many layers to it, and so I think, 553 00:27:12,880 --> 00:27:15,840 Speaker 1: like what was so frustrating is like I'm going, well, 554 00:27:15,880 --> 00:27:20,160 Speaker 1: I've been in these two abusive situations that if those 555 00:27:20,280 --> 00:27:23,679 Speaker 1: people heard this or people like that heard this, I 556 00:27:23,720 --> 00:27:26,040 Speaker 1: don't want that to get twisted because I don't believe 557 00:27:26,040 --> 00:27:28,920 Speaker 1: that that's true that we should just be and we're 558 00:27:29,000 --> 00:27:31,280 Speaker 1: using he and I are using feelings in different ways, 559 00:27:31,320 --> 00:27:33,639 Speaker 1: and so that's one of the big disconnects. But I'm like, 560 00:27:33,840 --> 00:27:38,399 Speaker 1: I personally don't think that we should just be like 561 00:27:38,880 --> 00:27:42,560 Speaker 1: free flowing out with actions based on the feelings of 562 00:27:42,600 --> 00:27:45,760 Speaker 1: the moment to moment without like asking ourselves the questions 563 00:27:45,840 --> 00:27:48,840 Speaker 1: you and I are talking about right now, like really 564 00:27:48,960 --> 00:27:51,840 Speaker 1: kind of going, is that what this person meant to do? 565 00:27:52,240 --> 00:27:55,200 Speaker 1: Is that what they were actually saying asking the question, 566 00:27:55,359 --> 00:27:57,840 Speaker 1: Here's what I'm hearing, and that's what this means to me, Like, 567 00:27:58,080 --> 00:28:00,960 Speaker 1: those are all really important, and if those are left out, 568 00:28:01,160 --> 00:28:03,920 Speaker 1: I don't think that it's fair that you would go, well, 569 00:28:04,400 --> 00:28:08,479 Speaker 1: that was just what my gut said or whatever. I'm like, right, whatever, 570 00:28:08,560 --> 00:28:11,200 Speaker 1: my gut says a lot of things, and I need 571 00:28:11,240 --> 00:28:12,919 Speaker 1: to sit with it for a second and check it 572 00:28:12,920 --> 00:28:17,320 Speaker 1: out first. And yes, sometimes it is very wildly accurate. 573 00:28:17,520 --> 00:28:19,879 Speaker 1: Most of the time it is now, but that's taken 574 00:28:19,880 --> 00:28:22,199 Speaker 1: me a lot of work to get through some of 575 00:28:22,200 --> 00:28:24,480 Speaker 1: the emotions. And even the thing I just explained to 576 00:28:24,560 --> 00:28:27,640 Speaker 1: you was me having an emotional trigger, like that's why 577 00:28:27,680 --> 00:28:30,720 Speaker 1: it was so important for me to get a clear 578 00:28:30,960 --> 00:28:34,639 Speaker 1: message out about that, because of past experiences. And I'm like, 579 00:28:35,080 --> 00:28:39,040 Speaker 1: we're just going to validate what this toxic person has 580 00:28:39,040 --> 00:28:39,840 Speaker 1: said or whatever. 581 00:28:39,920 --> 00:28:51,520 Speaker 3: Anyway, I'm going to see my family this week. It's 582 00:28:51,560 --> 00:28:55,400 Speaker 3: fourth of July, and right, I'm very different from my parents, 583 00:28:55,400 --> 00:28:57,960 Speaker 3: and it's you know, I think I'm on older soul 584 00:28:58,080 --> 00:29:01,520 Speaker 3: that came into this world little more refined than them. 585 00:29:01,640 --> 00:29:05,080 Speaker 3: And I think that's the way that evolution works, is 586 00:29:05,160 --> 00:29:08,320 Speaker 3: you have to have older souls that pull newer souls 587 00:29:08,400 --> 00:29:09,040 Speaker 3: or teach. 588 00:29:08,800 --> 00:29:09,400 Speaker 2: Them or whatever. 589 00:29:09,480 --> 00:29:13,040 Speaker 3: And I know, at the core of it all, my 590 00:29:13,120 --> 00:29:15,520 Speaker 3: mother loves me more than anything in the world, but 591 00:29:15,560 --> 00:29:17,640 Speaker 3: there is no one on earth who will say things 592 00:29:17,640 --> 00:29:20,440 Speaker 3: that piss me off more than her. But I also 593 00:29:20,560 --> 00:29:25,600 Speaker 3: know it's because we're so different and that she sometimes 594 00:29:25,680 --> 00:29:27,760 Speaker 3: can't relate. She doesn't we don't have the same life 595 00:29:27,840 --> 00:29:32,600 Speaker 3: experiences at all, and she'll say something even out of 596 00:29:32,680 --> 00:29:36,280 Speaker 3: like pure love, and just the way she phrases it 597 00:29:36,360 --> 00:29:38,280 Speaker 3: makes me angry, and then I don't. 598 00:29:38,080 --> 00:29:38,880 Speaker 2: Want to talk to her. 599 00:29:39,320 --> 00:29:43,160 Speaker 3: But rather than like, rather than like figuring out how 600 00:29:43,160 --> 00:29:45,800 Speaker 3: to be like, hey, mom, I know that you're like 601 00:29:45,960 --> 00:29:48,880 Speaker 3: just having the hard conversation with her because you know, 602 00:29:48,920 --> 00:29:51,200 Speaker 3: some of it is about my sexuality, and like her 603 00:29:51,240 --> 00:29:53,680 Speaker 3: not understanding the Like she'll ask me if I have 604 00:29:53,680 --> 00:29:56,960 Speaker 3: a friend, and I'm just like, you can say boyfriend, 605 00:29:57,120 --> 00:29:59,120 Speaker 3: like fucking say it, say it right now. 606 00:29:59,280 --> 00:30:02,440 Speaker 1: It's probably and validating to you. And then it hurts. 607 00:30:02,520 --> 00:30:04,720 Speaker 1: It might hurt because you're like, I just want to 608 00:30:04,760 --> 00:30:06,320 Speaker 1: feel a part of and I. 609 00:30:06,200 --> 00:30:08,560 Speaker 3: Want to feel normal, Like make me feel normal. That's 610 00:30:08,600 --> 00:30:11,200 Speaker 3: all I'm asking for. Yeah, but it's not in her 611 00:30:11,280 --> 00:30:15,080 Speaker 3: vocabulary because she just it's it is normal to me, 612 00:30:15,200 --> 00:30:18,520 Speaker 3: it's not normal to her. So it's like we have 613 00:30:18,600 --> 00:30:22,320 Speaker 3: to have these awkward moments that then push her to evolve, 614 00:30:22,520 --> 00:30:23,520 Speaker 3: because she's. 615 00:30:23,360 --> 00:30:25,440 Speaker 2: Also seventy nine years old, Like. 616 00:30:26,120 --> 00:30:28,840 Speaker 3: There is a lot of programming there that I have 617 00:30:28,880 --> 00:30:30,760 Speaker 3: to sort of unravel. And I do know, you know, 618 00:30:30,840 --> 00:30:33,080 Speaker 3: there have been moments in her life and in my 619 00:30:33,160 --> 00:30:35,600 Speaker 3: life where she has said things that have surprised me. 620 00:30:35,960 --> 00:30:38,760 Speaker 3: So the evolution, it's slow, it's not always going to 621 00:30:38,760 --> 00:30:42,000 Speaker 3: be at the pace that we wanted to happen. But 622 00:30:42,080 --> 00:30:44,120 Speaker 3: at the same time, I know in her core that 623 00:30:44,160 --> 00:30:46,040 Speaker 3: she would fucking kill somebody for me. 624 00:30:46,120 --> 00:30:48,440 Speaker 1: You know, absolutely, yeah, but it. 625 00:30:48,480 --> 00:30:51,320 Speaker 3: Is just about words sometimes and how they get mixed up. 626 00:30:51,560 --> 00:30:54,520 Speaker 3: So I think the whole I bring it up because 627 00:30:54,560 --> 00:30:58,160 Speaker 3: the gut thing is like I know in my gut 628 00:30:58,440 --> 00:31:01,560 Speaker 3: how she feels about me, but sometimes I lit my 629 00:31:01,720 --> 00:31:05,480 Speaker 3: head and my feelings get the best of me because 630 00:31:06,400 --> 00:31:08,880 Speaker 3: I want something different or I want her to do 631 00:31:08,960 --> 00:31:12,840 Speaker 3: something or say something different, even though I know what. 632 00:31:12,760 --> 00:31:16,040 Speaker 1: She meant, of course, But what you're explaining is perfect. 633 00:31:16,040 --> 00:31:19,160 Speaker 1: And I think family is like an even deeper example, 634 00:31:19,200 --> 00:31:22,280 Speaker 1: because often you know, if we're in a dating relationship, 635 00:31:22,320 --> 00:31:24,920 Speaker 1: the relationship ends if you can't get to that place 636 00:31:24,960 --> 00:31:27,440 Speaker 1: of like understanding each other, whereas your family is like 637 00:31:27,480 --> 00:31:29,720 Speaker 1: your family. And I mean, obviously you can end those 638 00:31:29,800 --> 00:31:32,120 Speaker 1: relationships and not have a relationship with family, but like 639 00:31:32,640 --> 00:31:35,960 Speaker 1: often you're in situations like what you're describing, where it's 640 00:31:36,280 --> 00:31:40,120 Speaker 1: there's just a disconnect, and like as much as you 641 00:31:41,280 --> 00:31:44,120 Speaker 1: want to have a relationship whatever, y'all may never fully 642 00:31:44,200 --> 00:31:47,160 Speaker 1: understand each other in that capacity. And so there is 643 00:31:47,960 --> 00:31:51,239 Speaker 1: a really big, I think important thing for all of 644 00:31:51,280 --> 00:31:53,680 Speaker 1: us to look at, Like what you're saying, what is 645 00:31:53,720 --> 00:31:56,920 Speaker 1: the intention is this person? Like one of the things 646 00:31:56,920 --> 00:31:59,280 Speaker 1: I always think about when I have a miscommunication with 647 00:31:59,320 --> 00:32:01,440 Speaker 1: my boyfriend is like I know he does not want 648 00:32:01,440 --> 00:32:03,680 Speaker 1: to hurt me, And when I go in with that 649 00:32:03,800 --> 00:32:08,160 Speaker 1: mentality first, it makes conversations so much easier because, like 650 00:32:08,200 --> 00:32:10,760 Speaker 1: you said, like we all operate from such a survival 651 00:32:10,760 --> 00:32:12,840 Speaker 1: place so often that like if I think I'm in 652 00:32:12,920 --> 00:32:15,720 Speaker 1: harm's way, that's when the real dukes come out, you know, 653 00:32:15,760 --> 00:32:18,240 Speaker 1: Like that's when I'm really gonna start fighting. But if 654 00:32:18,240 --> 00:32:19,800 Speaker 1: I go in and I'm like, he doesn't want to 655 00:32:19,880 --> 00:32:23,560 Speaker 1: hurt me, so like how do we and like he 656 00:32:23,640 --> 00:32:25,840 Speaker 1: knows that about me, like I'm never trying to hurt 657 00:32:25,880 --> 00:32:29,000 Speaker 1: him intentionally, and that lowers the guard so then we 658 00:32:29,040 --> 00:32:32,240 Speaker 1: can actually have a conversation to get to better understanding 659 00:32:32,280 --> 00:32:34,680 Speaker 1: with each other. So I think it's really important to 660 00:32:35,120 --> 00:32:39,240 Speaker 1: know the person's intentions and like trust that and hopefully 661 00:32:39,240 --> 00:32:41,480 Speaker 1: you have people in your life that you would feel 662 00:32:41,480 --> 00:32:43,840 Speaker 1: that way to where you're like they love me. I 663 00:32:43,920 --> 00:32:47,200 Speaker 1: know my mom loves me. This is a disconnect we have, 664 00:32:47,520 --> 00:32:49,480 Speaker 1: so like where can I give grace? And then where 665 00:32:49,520 --> 00:32:52,680 Speaker 1: can I ask for like specific things of what I need? Right? 666 00:32:52,840 --> 00:32:56,400 Speaker 3: Yeah, I think sometimes in those moments it feels overwhelming 667 00:32:56,440 --> 00:32:58,840 Speaker 3: because you make it about everything, like you're of course 668 00:32:59,160 --> 00:33:01,480 Speaker 3: the way that you're gut reacts like you make it 669 00:33:01,520 --> 00:33:03,920 Speaker 3: about everything, and it's like to bring it back to 670 00:33:03,920 --> 00:33:05,120 Speaker 3: the beginning of this conversation. 671 00:33:06,120 --> 00:33:08,280 Speaker 2: Of course it has to do with. 672 00:33:08,280 --> 00:33:12,320 Speaker 3: The entire path, But in that moment, it's not about 673 00:33:12,360 --> 00:33:15,920 Speaker 3: what she said. It's about the everything and like the 674 00:33:15,960 --> 00:33:17,560 Speaker 3: feelings of difference and. 675 00:33:18,000 --> 00:33:21,080 Speaker 1: But again feeling dismissed, feeling like. 676 00:33:21,040 --> 00:33:25,840 Speaker 3: You're not You have to look at the intention and 677 00:33:26,080 --> 00:33:29,840 Speaker 3: I look, when you, especially in a new relationship like 678 00:33:30,000 --> 00:33:33,720 Speaker 3: our friend that you were with last night, like everything 679 00:33:33,800 --> 00:33:37,080 Speaker 3: is so much more heightened because if you if you're 680 00:33:37,120 --> 00:33:39,920 Speaker 3: really in it and you want it to work, the 681 00:33:39,920 --> 00:33:43,160 Speaker 3: idea of it not working is terrifying. 682 00:33:43,760 --> 00:33:46,520 Speaker 1: That makes you feel vulnerable. It makes you so vulnerable, 683 00:33:46,560 --> 00:33:49,520 Speaker 1: you feel vulnerable. I think that it like exacerbates all 684 00:33:49,560 --> 00:33:52,120 Speaker 1: the things we're talking about. So when you're in a 685 00:33:52,160 --> 00:33:54,400 Speaker 1: new relationship and you don't know if they like you, 686 00:33:54,480 --> 00:33:57,240 Speaker 1: like you like them, that's the hardest time. 687 00:33:57,440 --> 00:33:59,360 Speaker 2: And you don't know their communication style. 688 00:33:59,080 --> 00:34:01,400 Speaker 1: Clearly, Oh, you're still learning each other. That's what I 689 00:34:01,480 --> 00:34:03,280 Speaker 1: ended up saying to her. I was like, truthfully, this 690 00:34:03,360 --> 00:34:06,840 Speaker 1: is like a really good situation that happened because you're 691 00:34:06,880 --> 00:34:09,920 Speaker 1: just getting more information, Like you're still in that stage 692 00:34:09,960 --> 00:34:12,640 Speaker 1: of dating, Like it's you guys are not even boyfriend 693 00:34:12,680 --> 00:34:14,520 Speaker 1: and girlfriend yet, you know, so you're still learning each 694 00:34:14,520 --> 00:34:17,719 Speaker 1: other on a whole new level. And this is a 695 00:34:17,760 --> 00:34:20,880 Speaker 1: good experience of you learning you too. 696 00:34:21,080 --> 00:34:23,400 Speaker 3: Like you have to ask yourself, why am I reacting 697 00:34:23,440 --> 00:34:25,560 Speaker 3: this way? Is it because I want to be mad? 698 00:34:25,960 --> 00:34:27,840 Speaker 2: Or is it because I like him or her and 699 00:34:27,880 --> 00:34:28,719 Speaker 2: I feel vulnerable? 700 00:34:28,920 --> 00:34:31,759 Speaker 1: Yeah, which is I think often what it is at 701 00:34:31,760 --> 00:34:34,120 Speaker 1: that stage of dating, at the beginning, it is for 702 00:34:34,200 --> 00:34:37,719 Speaker 1: me at least. So anyway, you mentioned the family thing, 703 00:34:37,760 --> 00:34:39,640 Speaker 1: and I thought, oh, wow, well this is coming out 704 00:34:39,640 --> 00:34:41,480 Speaker 1: on fourth of July. So there's two things that happened 705 00:34:41,480 --> 00:34:43,120 Speaker 1: on the fourth of July. Often you see your family 706 00:34:43,160 --> 00:34:47,439 Speaker 1: and there's often alcohol. So like it seems like, yeah, 707 00:34:47,440 --> 00:34:49,840 Speaker 1: we're kind of talking about this maybe in the exact 708 00:34:49,920 --> 00:34:53,360 Speaker 1: perfect time because those things could be heightened this weekend. 709 00:34:53,440 --> 00:34:55,640 Speaker 1: So it's like a really good time to actually if 710 00:34:55,680 --> 00:34:59,600 Speaker 1: you can take the time and reflect while you're watching fireworks, 711 00:35:00,040 --> 00:35:02,399 Speaker 1: you get really pissed off, like maybe take a beat, 712 00:35:02,520 --> 00:35:05,120 Speaker 1: especially if you've been drinking, right, Like that is always 713 00:35:05,120 --> 00:35:09,080 Speaker 1: a thing that like really heightens the reactiveness in everybody. 714 00:35:09,120 --> 00:35:09,479 Speaker 1: I think. 715 00:35:11,200 --> 00:35:13,200 Speaker 3: I know that I'm gonna have to go into this 716 00:35:13,880 --> 00:35:15,239 Speaker 3: week because I'm gonna be with my. 717 00:35:15,200 --> 00:35:17,239 Speaker 2: Family for over a week. I'm gonna have to go 718 00:35:17,320 --> 00:35:20,560 Speaker 2: in with this lesson. It's funny. I don't know. 719 00:35:20,640 --> 00:35:22,560 Speaker 3: I'd be curious if any of the listeners have the 720 00:35:22,560 --> 00:35:25,160 Speaker 3: same experience. But I get really really excited to see 721 00:35:25,200 --> 00:35:27,880 Speaker 3: my family, and I do things like plan to be 722 00:35:27,960 --> 00:35:30,320 Speaker 3: with them for ten days, and three. 723 00:35:30,080 --> 00:35:32,920 Speaker 2: Hours into them, I'm like ready to go home. 724 00:35:33,680 --> 00:35:35,840 Speaker 3: And you know, I think this is a good lesson 725 00:35:36,000 --> 00:35:38,600 Speaker 3: and conversation for me to have because I can go 726 00:35:38,760 --> 00:35:43,359 Speaker 3: into it being like, what is it about me that 727 00:35:43,520 --> 00:35:45,759 Speaker 3: is making me feel that way? Because it's not about them, 728 00:35:46,080 --> 00:35:48,600 Speaker 3: you know, it's never about them, it's about me. 729 00:35:49,160 --> 00:35:51,600 Speaker 2: So and it's probably just like me. 730 00:35:51,960 --> 00:35:54,120 Speaker 3: You know, I live alone, Like I have the comfort 731 00:35:54,200 --> 00:35:56,560 Speaker 3: of like coming and going as I want. I don't 732 00:35:56,600 --> 00:35:58,480 Speaker 3: have to talk to anybody unless I get on the phone. 733 00:35:58,520 --> 00:35:59,680 Speaker 2: I'm choosing to do it. 734 00:36:00,080 --> 00:36:01,600 Speaker 3: And all of that sort of gets thrown out of 735 00:36:01,600 --> 00:36:04,200 Speaker 3: the window when I'm suddenly in a space that's crowded 736 00:36:04,200 --> 00:36:07,359 Speaker 3: with a loud television. It's a million degrees. They don't 737 00:36:07,400 --> 00:36:11,440 Speaker 3: know anything about anything that's relevant to me anymore. 738 00:36:11,160 --> 00:36:14,359 Speaker 1: Right, So, well, you're bringing up another good point though, 739 00:36:14,360 --> 00:36:16,600 Speaker 1: And this kind of came up with our friend. I 740 00:36:16,640 --> 00:36:18,840 Speaker 1: was telling Marv about this too, because you know, they 741 00:36:18,920 --> 00:36:22,680 Speaker 1: talk about anger as a secondary emotion actually, like it's 742 00:36:22,719 --> 00:36:26,240 Speaker 1: not really one of the primary emotions. Usually there's anger 743 00:36:26,320 --> 00:36:30,400 Speaker 1: and then there's something underneath anger, and our anger is 744 00:36:30,400 --> 00:36:32,640 Speaker 1: like to protect us or whatever, and it's to show 745 00:36:32,719 --> 00:36:35,280 Speaker 1: us when a boundary's been crossed. So I think about 746 00:36:35,280 --> 00:36:37,279 Speaker 1: it with family, this is another thing my parents taught me. 747 00:36:37,320 --> 00:36:40,640 Speaker 1: But they would do seventy two hours max with their 748 00:36:41,280 --> 00:36:44,040 Speaker 1: families for a long time. I think then it got 749 00:36:44,080 --> 00:36:46,120 Speaker 1: to cut down to forty eight hours, and it really 750 00:36:46,640 --> 00:36:48,440 Speaker 1: they were I mean, we could say it was about 751 00:36:48,480 --> 00:36:50,880 Speaker 1: the family, but really my parents would come at it 752 00:36:50,920 --> 00:36:54,440 Speaker 1: from a place of I know that I can operate 753 00:36:54,600 --> 00:36:59,560 Speaker 1: on good behavior and not be reactive during that. Yeah, 754 00:37:00,120 --> 00:37:02,239 Speaker 1: do anything for forty eight hours, right, or like when 755 00:37:02,239 --> 00:37:04,960 Speaker 1: it was seventy two hours, Okay, that's three days, So 756 00:37:05,000 --> 00:37:08,319 Speaker 1: I can do three days in this situation and be 757 00:37:08,520 --> 00:37:13,560 Speaker 1: kind and generous and like not reactive. But it would 758 00:37:13,600 --> 00:37:16,920 Speaker 1: always they would give themselves grades like ABCDF, you know, 759 00:37:17,400 --> 00:37:18,759 Speaker 1: so they were like, I can stay in an a 760 00:37:19,040 --> 00:37:21,400 Speaker 1: typically if I do that amount of time, if I 761 00:37:21,440 --> 00:37:23,839 Speaker 1: start going further than that, like if I can get 762 00:37:23,880 --> 00:37:25,919 Speaker 1: out with a C, I'm doing well, like cause it's 763 00:37:26,000 --> 00:37:27,760 Speaker 1: just like you know, you're just kind. 764 00:37:27,600 --> 00:37:29,399 Speaker 2: Of light approach. 765 00:37:29,560 --> 00:37:32,680 Speaker 1: Yeah. But so another thing I'm thinking as you say 766 00:37:32,680 --> 00:37:35,080 Speaker 1: this is like you're going for ten days. That's obviously 767 00:37:35,160 --> 00:37:37,840 Speaker 1: like a long time. But what do you need to 768 00:37:37,920 --> 00:37:40,359 Speaker 1: set yourself up to win in that scenario? Like how 769 00:37:40,360 --> 00:37:43,560 Speaker 1: do you take space for yourself? Is it going on walks? 770 00:37:43,680 --> 00:37:46,040 Speaker 1: Is it like just setting yourself up to know that 771 00:37:46,280 --> 00:37:49,359 Speaker 1: is a lot of time and you're just different than 772 00:37:49,360 --> 00:37:52,640 Speaker 1: your family, and so like inevitably there will be the 773 00:37:52,680 --> 00:37:53,839 Speaker 1: things right Yeah. 774 00:37:53,920 --> 00:37:54,640 Speaker 2: Yeah. 775 00:37:54,680 --> 00:37:57,480 Speaker 3: And I also think too, like if I can go 776 00:37:57,520 --> 00:37:59,960 Speaker 3: in with the mindset that like, look, my parents are, 777 00:38:00,600 --> 00:38:03,040 Speaker 3: they are in the sunset of their lives there eighty. 778 00:38:03,080 --> 00:38:05,840 Speaker 3: My mom will turn eighty while I'm there, How fucking 779 00:38:05,920 --> 00:38:09,000 Speaker 3: lucky am I that I'm fifty years old and get to. 780 00:38:08,960 --> 00:38:11,400 Speaker 2: Have my parents. I have both my parents who have 781 00:38:11,440 --> 00:38:12,719 Speaker 2: been married for a long time. 782 00:38:12,760 --> 00:38:15,839 Speaker 3: They're not divorced, Like I get to spend ten days 783 00:38:15,880 --> 00:38:17,879 Speaker 3: with them, And it's not that I have to, It's 784 00:38:17,880 --> 00:38:19,600 Speaker 3: that I get to and I have to remind myself 785 00:38:19,600 --> 00:38:20,120 Speaker 3: of that. 786 00:38:20,000 --> 00:38:21,880 Speaker 1: You can take what you like and leave the rest. 787 00:38:22,000 --> 00:38:24,560 Speaker 1: Yeah yeahuck, get made fun of us saying that all 788 00:38:24,600 --> 00:38:26,680 Speaker 1: the time, but it is such a good one because 789 00:38:26,719 --> 00:38:30,120 Speaker 1: it's just like good. There's nothing really in this life 790 00:38:30,120 --> 00:38:32,240 Speaker 1: probably that we like all the way as a whole, 791 00:38:32,480 --> 00:38:35,400 Speaker 1: because every human being is so different and we have 792 00:38:35,480 --> 00:38:38,640 Speaker 1: our own sets of needs and all those things. But again, 793 00:38:38,680 --> 00:38:40,880 Speaker 1: it goes back to us being in tune with ourselves 794 00:38:40,920 --> 00:38:43,239 Speaker 1: to know what we need and like, yeah, know how 795 00:38:43,239 --> 00:38:47,160 Speaker 1: to communicate, really check in with ourselves, communicate with ourselves, 796 00:38:47,800 --> 00:38:50,520 Speaker 1: and then check yourself when you get triggered, like do 797 00:38:50,600 --> 00:38:52,840 Speaker 1: the questions now. I'm like really interested to have you 798 00:38:52,920 --> 00:38:54,280 Speaker 1: report back in after. 799 00:38:54,280 --> 00:38:58,080 Speaker 3: I should maybe take a journal just to like specifically 800 00:38:58,080 --> 00:38:59,880 Speaker 3: to this and say if I can look back on 801 00:39:00,160 --> 00:39:01,879 Speaker 3: week and be like, oh. 802 00:39:01,560 --> 00:39:06,080 Speaker 1: Okay, yeah, because you're going into the trenches ten days. 803 00:39:05,000 --> 00:39:07,200 Speaker 2: A lot time, it's a long time. 804 00:39:08,560 --> 00:39:10,160 Speaker 1: Well, I feel like a lot of people are probably 805 00:39:10,200 --> 00:39:12,239 Speaker 1: doing the same because it's summer. It's fourth of July. 806 00:39:12,320 --> 00:39:14,880 Speaker 1: Like we said, So if you guys have similar stories 807 00:39:15,040 --> 00:39:18,640 Speaker 1: or experiences or you have tricks that you use in 808 00:39:18,680 --> 00:39:22,480 Speaker 1: these kind of scenarios in relationships in life, when you 809 00:39:22,520 --> 00:39:24,520 Speaker 1: get triggered how you're checking in with yourself and how 810 00:39:24,520 --> 00:39:27,279 Speaker 1: you're using it like for a growth opportunity and not 811 00:39:27,960 --> 00:39:30,959 Speaker 1: necessarily always to just like lose your shit on people 812 00:39:31,040 --> 00:39:34,239 Speaker 1: or whatever. Just email us at the Edge at velvetsedge 813 00:39:34,280 --> 00:39:36,600 Speaker 1: dot com. You can also hit me up on Instagram. 814 00:39:36,640 --> 00:39:38,120 Speaker 1: I'm at Velvet's Edge. 815 00:39:37,960 --> 00:39:42,680 Speaker 2: Chip, I'm at chipdoor. Shoulds chrp d r scch. 816 00:39:42,880 --> 00:39:46,440 Speaker 1: Don't forget. We now are starting a ve podcast Instagram 817 00:39:46,440 --> 00:39:48,640 Speaker 1: as well, so we'll be having I haven't started posting 818 00:39:48,640 --> 00:39:50,480 Speaker 1: on it yet, but we are setting it up so 819 00:39:50,520 --> 00:39:53,440 Speaker 1: we're gonna have all kinds of videos and takeaways for 820 00:39:53,520 --> 00:39:56,320 Speaker 1: you guys. It's gonna be really cool. So go follow 821 00:39:56,400 --> 00:40:01,319 Speaker 1: that at Velvet's Edge podcast on inti Instagram. And as 822 00:40:01,360 --> 00:40:03,239 Speaker 1: you guys go into the weekend and you're living on 823 00:40:03,280 --> 00:40:06,800 Speaker 1: the edge, I hope you always remember too a casual 824 00:40:07,600 --> 00:40:09,319 Speaker 1: and check us out on YouTube tube. We have so 825 00:40:09,320 --> 00:40:12,080 Speaker 1: many things now anyway, Bye bye,