1
00:00:02,160 --> 00:00:06,400
Speaker 1: Welcome back to another episode of Alchemy. This cold Stratton

2
00:00:06,440 --> 00:00:08,520
Speaker 1: here filling in once again for Kevin Pollock, who is

3
00:00:08,520 --> 00:00:14,000
Speaker 1: shooting war dogs too, peace cats. Let's meet our alchemists

4
00:00:14,000 --> 00:00:16,880
Speaker 1: for today. First up, it's the second most interesting man

5
00:00:16,880 --> 00:00:19,799
Speaker 1: in the world, James. James, what do you gotta do

6
00:00:19,800 --> 00:00:22,239
Speaker 1: to become number one? Well, you gotta big people to

7
00:00:22,280 --> 00:00:25,239
Speaker 1: give reviews for your podcast, because without the reviews, you

8
00:00:25,320 --> 00:00:27,120
Speaker 1: won't go up. And you know that's the best way

9
00:00:27,160 --> 00:00:29,319
Speaker 1: to start. If you want to get big, ask for

10
00:00:29,360 --> 00:00:34,040
Speaker 1: reviews at the beginning of a podcast. She's the only

11
00:00:34,040 --> 00:00:36,040
Speaker 1: one in this room to have been abducted by aliens

12
00:00:36,080 --> 00:00:39,239
Speaker 1: more than once. Vanessa Rag, that's a fact. V What

13
00:00:39,360 --> 00:00:42,520
Speaker 1: do these aliens look like? You know, they look like

14
00:00:42,600 --> 00:00:49,040
Speaker 1: my family. Oh, isn't that weird? So you wake up,

15
00:00:49,040 --> 00:00:51,960
Speaker 1: you feel like you're in your own home, but it's

16
00:00:51,960 --> 00:00:55,600
Speaker 1: a little off. Makes sense, isn't that You're rolling your

17
00:00:55,600 --> 00:00:58,400
Speaker 1: eyes in me too? No, I didn't you lived through

18
00:00:58,400 --> 00:01:03,320
Speaker 1: what I've lived before? He paid the bills with acting.

19
00:01:03,400 --> 00:01:08,920
Speaker 1: He designed high tech gadgets for British secret agents. Mark Gagliardi, Mark,

20
00:01:09,000 --> 00:01:12,760
Speaker 1: what was your greatest device? Um? The greatest device I

21
00:01:12,840 --> 00:01:16,720
Speaker 1: ever invented for a British superspy was. Uh, if you

22
00:01:16,760 --> 00:01:20,560
Speaker 1: look at Boris Johnson, the new Prime Minister's hair underneath it,

23
00:01:20,560 --> 00:01:27,880
Speaker 1: it has a go go gadget copter one things for sure.

24
00:01:27,920 --> 00:01:31,800
Speaker 1: Our next Alchemist is full on fucking obsessed with Arbor Day. Bradman,

25
00:01:32,240 --> 00:01:37,000
Speaker 1: Planet tree right, what's your deal trees man? I mean, look,

26
00:01:37,240 --> 00:01:39,800
Speaker 1: you know, I just I lived my life by John

27
00:01:39,840 --> 00:01:44,080
Speaker 1: Denver's motto. That's far out, you know, as far as

28
00:01:44,080 --> 00:01:47,320
Speaker 1: I'm concerned, trees are too far out. The need to

29
00:01:47,360 --> 00:01:53,559
Speaker 1: be closer. Platform were the right side of Arbor Day

30
00:01:53,680 --> 00:01:56,279
Speaker 1: or the wrong side of Arbor Day for the rest

31
00:01:56,320 --> 00:02:01,120
Speaker 1: of your life? Make your choice. At Finally, a guy

32
00:02:01,160 --> 00:02:04,559
Speaker 1: who knows a thing or two about saltwater aquariums Joey Greer,

33
00:02:04,840 --> 00:02:09,600
Speaker 1: Yes I do, Joey. What tropical fish are you currently keeping? Uh? Squirrels?

34
00:02:09,639 --> 00:02:15,040
Speaker 1: Actually yeah, nice adapted the aquarium so yeah, they are

35
00:02:15,120 --> 00:02:22,840
Speaker 1: not good swimmers though, Okay, figured serving image. Let's get

36
00:02:22,880 --> 00:02:27,840
Speaker 1: to our first scene then, Oh. Today's scene suggestions were

37
00:02:27,840 --> 00:02:30,320
Speaker 1: gathered from our listeners emails. If you'd like to submit yours,

38
00:02:30,320 --> 00:02:32,600
Speaker 1: please write to the podcast at your name here at

39
00:02:32,639 --> 00:02:36,040
Speaker 1: alchemy this dot com. That's your name here at alchemy

40
00:02:36,080 --> 00:02:40,040
Speaker 1: this dot com. Our first scene suggestion. Hey, y'all love

41
00:02:40,080 --> 00:02:42,200
Speaker 1: the show. Been listening since the beginning, and we'll keep

42
00:02:42,240 --> 00:02:48,679
Speaker 1: listening until somehow Kevin hosts three consecutive episodes. I mean,

43
00:02:48,720 --> 00:02:51,920
Speaker 1: I guess that's good for me, which won't happen, so

44
00:02:51,960 --> 00:02:54,680
Speaker 1: I'll never be able to stop listening. Here's my idea.

45
00:02:55,360 --> 00:02:57,800
Speaker 1: A psychologist starts his first day at a clink and

46
00:02:57,840 --> 00:03:01,200
Speaker 1: realizes that all the clients coming in are literally animals.

47
00:03:01,400 --> 00:03:03,799
Speaker 1: He begins to lose his own mind. Keep up the

48
00:03:03,840 --> 00:03:09,639
Speaker 1: great work, everyone, Brett back, And I mean I must

49
00:03:09,680 --> 00:03:13,200
Speaker 1: have been seventeen or so, and there was just all

50
00:03:13,240 --> 00:03:16,160
Speaker 1: this noise and and I freaked out and I would

51
00:03:16,240 --> 00:03:19,840
Speaker 1: run into the bathroom or into the bed, and you know,

52
00:03:19,880 --> 00:03:21,919
Speaker 1: I'd get just pulled into the other room and to

53
00:03:22,040 --> 00:03:23,800
Speaker 1: be forced to sit around the family and whatnot. And

54
00:03:23,840 --> 00:03:27,360
Speaker 1: it was just hard. I don't know what trauma was

55
00:03:27,400 --> 00:03:29,720
Speaker 1: before that that caused me to have that kind of

56
00:03:29,720 --> 00:03:32,560
Speaker 1: fear and anxiety. But when you say go be with

57
00:03:32,639 --> 00:03:34,880
Speaker 1: the family, where would you where did you have like

58
00:03:35,240 --> 00:03:37,080
Speaker 1: do some somewhere that you go with Like in the

59
00:03:37,120 --> 00:03:39,760
Speaker 1: living room everybody just sits together. What is it like

60
00:03:39,840 --> 00:03:41,240
Speaker 1: being with the family. I'll tell you what. It was

61
00:03:41,280 --> 00:03:43,920
Speaker 1: pretty dramatic. I mean like I'm on the floor eating, uh,

62
00:03:43,960 --> 00:03:46,960
Speaker 1: you know, or I'm outside most of the time, pissing

63
00:03:46,960 --> 00:03:51,040
Speaker 1: and shipping in the yard and and uh, it's it's sorry.

64
00:03:51,080 --> 00:03:53,360
Speaker 1: I'm sorry. You're on the floor. They make you eat

65
00:03:53,400 --> 00:03:56,560
Speaker 1: on the floor, yes, yeah, drunk on the floor, on

66
00:03:56,640 --> 00:03:59,520
Speaker 1: the floor, drink. Uh. And you're pissing and shipping outside

67
00:03:59,680 --> 00:04:01,520
Speaker 1: and not in the bathroom. I'm sorry. We had to

68
00:04:01,520 --> 00:04:04,360
Speaker 1: do this over the phone. By the way, come in, Hi,

69
00:04:04,520 --> 00:04:07,200
Speaker 1: Dr Rothbury. I'm sorry to interrupt. It's okay, but your

70
00:04:07,240 --> 00:04:11,080
Speaker 1: next appointment is here. Oh great, Sorry, I'm gonna have

71
00:04:11,120 --> 00:04:16,600
Speaker 1: to hang out. They can wait keep you pretty much? Okay? Great?

72
00:04:18,240 --> 00:04:21,400
Speaker 1: And uh is everything okay? Daughter? Yeah, yeah, it's fine,

73
00:04:21,440 --> 00:04:23,800
Speaker 1: it's fine. It's gonna open up about something else. Um.

74
00:04:24,160 --> 00:04:26,280
Speaker 1: Actually have another client though, so I'm gonna have to

75
00:04:26,320 --> 00:04:30,039
Speaker 1: hang up because they're in person client. Oh yeah, okay,

76
00:04:30,120 --> 00:04:31,840
Speaker 1: but we can keep this going. We can keep this

77
00:04:31,960 --> 00:04:34,320
Speaker 1: going at some other time. Yeah, if I'm still around,

78
00:04:34,839 --> 00:04:37,760
Speaker 1: if you're still around, yeah, I'll call you later. That's

79
00:04:37,800 --> 00:04:40,280
Speaker 1: what you want. Okay, sounds great. Probably gonna go catch

80
00:04:40,360 --> 00:04:45,760
Speaker 1: some balls. Or something. So hi doctor, Hello, come on

81
00:04:45,839 --> 00:04:53,200
Speaker 1: in anywhere, preferably on the couch. I'd love the tops. Okay, yeah,

82
00:04:53,279 --> 00:04:59,720
Speaker 1: the top of the couches. Fine, something something bothering you,

83
00:05:00,320 --> 00:05:04,400
Speaker 1: a lot of things. Um, did you want to talk

84
00:05:04,400 --> 00:05:07,200
Speaker 1: about the we we we we don't have way? Oh? Wow,

85
00:05:07,279 --> 00:05:11,160
Speaker 1: you are quite um aloof is that the word? I

86
00:05:11,160 --> 00:05:15,440
Speaker 1: would pull my finger nails out? Oh, dear god, that

87
00:05:15,560 --> 00:05:21,880
Speaker 1: sounds horrifying. Um. Well let me see your fingers. Yeah,

88
00:05:21,920 --> 00:05:24,800
Speaker 1: I can see that and quite quite covered in hair

89
00:05:25,920 --> 00:05:30,520
Speaker 1: and lovely hair it is. Thank you. Um, I'm not

90
00:05:30,600 --> 00:05:34,200
Speaker 1: sure you you just start talking and tell me everything

91
00:05:34,320 --> 00:05:39,800
Speaker 1: that's uh, everything that's bothering you, bothering me anything at all.

92
00:05:40,760 --> 00:05:44,400
Speaker 1: I can't get comfortable, and I've noticed, I've noticed that

93
00:05:44,480 --> 00:05:48,920
Speaker 1: you're to get comfortable. Yeah, something bothers me, you know

94
00:05:50,000 --> 00:05:51,800
Speaker 1: well that you know that's a that's a common thing

95
00:05:52,240 --> 00:05:57,120
Speaker 1: with a lot of people. Um. And sunbeams shift throughout

96
00:05:57,160 --> 00:06:02,320
Speaker 1: the day. Yeah yeah. Man. Well, look I have a

97
00:06:02,400 --> 00:06:04,760
Speaker 1: chart here on the wall of different anxieties. Okay, I'd

98
00:06:04,760 --> 00:06:06,479
Speaker 1: like you to let me go up a laser pointer.

99
00:06:06,520 --> 00:06:11,880
Speaker 1: I'm just gonna point to different what is God? What

100
00:06:12,080 --> 00:06:15,080
Speaker 1: is Okay, I'll put it down. I'll put it down.

101
00:06:15,240 --> 00:06:17,080
Speaker 1: I'll put it down. It's gone. It's gone. It had

102
00:06:17,160 --> 00:06:25,720
Speaker 1: no substance, um, no substance at all. I I'm not

103
00:06:25,800 --> 00:06:28,720
Speaker 1: trying to to body shame you at all, but it

104
00:06:28,839 --> 00:06:31,000
Speaker 1: seems like I do like the way this and it started.

105
00:06:31,320 --> 00:06:35,320
Speaker 1: You've let You've let your whiskers grow quite long. They're

106
00:06:35,360 --> 00:06:38,160
Speaker 1: just jutting straight out the side of your face. They

107
00:06:38,200 --> 00:06:43,960
Speaker 1: help me balance, They help you pounce, balance. Balance. Do

108
00:06:44,040 --> 00:06:46,760
Speaker 1: you ever just hear a sound? Yeah, lots of times

109
00:06:47,000 --> 00:06:51,480
Speaker 1: all days that a can of tuna and your hopes

110
00:06:51,520 --> 00:06:53,320
Speaker 1: get up, you know, and you think maybe maybe things

111
00:06:53,360 --> 00:06:58,880
Speaker 1: have changed. Go in and it's black beans and it's

112
00:06:58,920 --> 00:07:03,400
Speaker 1: not for you. You know what I'm saying. Dr I

113
00:07:03,480 --> 00:07:05,760
Speaker 1: think the people I live with this is my home

114
00:07:05,920 --> 00:07:11,320
Speaker 1: life everyone. It's this series unfortunate. Did I tell you

115
00:07:11,600 --> 00:07:15,160
Speaker 1: the sun sunbeams? Yes, that they that they moved throughout

116
00:07:15,200 --> 00:07:19,680
Speaker 1: the day. The sun moves throughout I'm here to check

117
00:07:19,760 --> 00:07:23,720
Speaker 1: in for the next appointment. I'm a little bit early.

118
00:07:23,920 --> 00:07:28,440
Speaker 1: My name is Steve. Oh, Steve, that's right. You called

119
00:07:28,640 --> 00:07:32,520
Speaker 1: earlier if we could accommodate me early. You wanted to

120
00:07:32,600 --> 00:07:37,040
Speaker 1: make sure that the office itself was hotter. It was

121
00:07:37,200 --> 00:07:40,320
Speaker 1: last time. Okay, sure, sure, yeah, yeah I remember that. Yeah,

122
00:07:40,320 --> 00:07:42,080
Speaker 1: we're all set to see you in just a few minutes.

123
00:07:42,120 --> 00:07:45,200
Speaker 1: If you just want to have a seat, Oh, just

124
00:07:46,000 --> 00:07:49,560
Speaker 1: day underneath the couch, if that's all right. You know,

125
00:07:49,720 --> 00:07:52,720
Speaker 1: I just I'm afraid of someone, you know, like coming

126
00:07:52,760 --> 00:07:55,280
Speaker 1: in here and seeing you and like kind of being

127
00:07:55,320 --> 00:07:57,800
Speaker 1: surprised that they're seeing you, So like, maybe not high

128
00:07:58,000 --> 00:08:00,760
Speaker 1: to jump out, just kind of stay out where everyone

129
00:08:00,840 --> 00:08:03,200
Speaker 1: can see you, so the doctor you can see how

130
00:08:03,280 --> 00:08:06,960
Speaker 1: it is. I'll stay on the cushions. Then I'm confused.

131
00:08:07,280 --> 00:08:09,920
Speaker 1: I had a three thirty, but this guy also has

132
00:08:10,000 --> 00:08:14,600
Speaker 1: a three thirty. I'm wiggling my ears. I'm so angry. Okay, well,

133
00:08:15,920 --> 00:08:19,160
Speaker 1: and remind me again what your name is. My name

134
00:08:19,320 --> 00:08:25,760
Speaker 1: is Dufe. I want to Pablo Escobar's hippopotami. Oh that's right, Yes,

135
00:08:25,920 --> 00:08:30,160
Speaker 1: that's right. Okay. Now you aren't afraid of let's say,

136
00:08:30,240 --> 00:08:32,880
Speaker 1: serpents or anything like that that those scare you at all,

137
00:08:33,040 --> 00:08:35,520
Speaker 1: not at all? Okay, Well they have many friends that

138
00:08:35,600 --> 00:08:38,520
Speaker 1: are that way. Okay, Well, just just have a seat

139
00:08:38,679 --> 00:08:40,319
Speaker 1: and the doctor will be right with you, and I'll

140
00:08:40,400 --> 00:08:42,880
Speaker 1: let him know that you two are here. Okay, this

141
00:08:42,960 --> 00:08:46,360
Speaker 1: seat is mine now. The sand in that that is

142
00:08:46,400 --> 00:08:48,400
Speaker 1: a zen garden. It's for me too, It's for me

143
00:08:48,480 --> 00:08:56,680
Speaker 1: to Okay, um, have you ever given someone a gift

144
00:08:56,760 --> 00:09:00,520
Speaker 1: and they don't even like it? A little corpse? Yes?

145
00:09:01,200 --> 00:09:03,600
Speaker 1: Is that? Is that why you brought this mouse in here?

146
00:09:04,080 --> 00:09:06,839
Speaker 1: M hm? And you didn't say a damn thing? Thank you,

147
00:09:07,200 --> 00:09:10,160
Speaker 1: thank you. I appreciate it. I'm going to have our

148
00:09:10,200 --> 00:09:12,280
Speaker 1: time is up. I'm gonna have to ask you um

149
00:09:12,520 --> 00:09:16,160
Speaker 1: to to uh to what to leave. I'm going to

150
00:09:16,200 --> 00:09:20,120
Speaker 1: take a napp right here? Okay, great you alright? Well,

151
00:09:20,280 --> 00:09:22,679
Speaker 1: I'm I'm not gonna stick my hand out and try

152
00:09:22,760 --> 00:09:24,360
Speaker 1: to move you because the last time I did that,

153
00:09:24,440 --> 00:09:28,079
Speaker 1: you hay stap me. Alright, Yes, dr it seems you're

154
00:09:28,080 --> 00:09:30,120
Speaker 1: a little double booked at three thirty. Oh yeah, who

155
00:09:30,160 --> 00:09:33,520
Speaker 1: would you like to see first? Steve or do? Why

156
00:09:33,520 --> 00:09:37,000
Speaker 1: don't you just put remind me Steve's the snake, Dufe

157
00:09:37,120 --> 00:09:40,240
Speaker 1: is the hippopotamus. Let's let me just do this. I

158
00:09:40,280 --> 00:09:44,679
Speaker 1: got a long afternoon, so let's just do this simultaneous. Okay, okay,

159
00:09:44,760 --> 00:09:47,839
Speaker 1: fellas um um, the doctor will see you now, Hi, guys,

160
00:09:47,920 --> 00:09:49,920
Speaker 1: great to see it. Hi, it's good to see you too.

161
00:09:50,280 --> 00:09:53,439
Speaker 1: This is a group therapy scenario and I'm into it. Great,

162
00:09:54,120 --> 00:09:56,240
Speaker 1: we'll just we'll just tell each other about all of

163
00:09:56,280 --> 00:09:59,800
Speaker 1: our problems. I typically prefer to go so low. Well,

164
00:10:00,040 --> 00:10:02,760
Speaker 1: unfortunately we double book today and uh and I knew

165
00:10:02,760 --> 00:10:06,240
Speaker 1: you were a last minute edition. So and you've left

166
00:10:06,360 --> 00:10:08,760
Speaker 1: this on the floor for me. I prefer it to

167
00:10:08,840 --> 00:10:11,760
Speaker 1: be wiggly. Yeah, this, this? No, this, this mouse? Is

168
00:10:12,600 --> 00:10:18,920
Speaker 1: it anyway? Okay? Great? Well, well he's wolfing down that

169
00:10:19,160 --> 00:10:22,240
Speaker 1: that mouse. I'm sorry, sneaking down that mouse? Dukee. What

170
00:10:22,320 --> 00:10:24,280
Speaker 1: seems to be What's what's bothering you? Buddy? Is it

171
00:10:24,320 --> 00:10:26,560
Speaker 1: because your boss is gone? I read it in the news. Yeah,

172
00:10:26,679 --> 00:10:30,240
Speaker 1: he's gone, and I'm alone. My brothers have moved on too,

173
00:10:30,400 --> 00:10:33,520
Speaker 1: because they are smart. I am just by myself now

174
00:10:33,880 --> 00:10:36,439
Speaker 1: and I'm not sure what to do anymore. And I

175
00:10:36,559 --> 00:10:40,920
Speaker 1: also my HBO Go path where it is expired. Well that,

176
00:10:41,240 --> 00:10:43,600
Speaker 1: I mean you can, I'm sure get an HBO Go passwords.

177
00:10:43,720 --> 00:10:45,719
Speaker 1: I don't know how to do that. I don't even

178
00:10:45,800 --> 00:10:48,719
Speaker 1: know how to log on. Well, then you won't have

179
00:10:48,760 --> 00:10:51,160
Speaker 1: to worry about it much, will you. I just pretend

180
00:10:51,240 --> 00:10:53,640
Speaker 1: that the side of the building is HBO and I

181
00:10:53,800 --> 00:10:57,640
Speaker 1: watch it. Um, that's actually we had to ask we

182
00:10:57,760 --> 00:10:59,240
Speaker 1: were going to ask you about that. That one of

183
00:10:59,280 --> 00:11:01,880
Speaker 1: those parking space. We actually need all those parking spaces.

184
00:11:02,080 --> 00:11:07,760
Speaker 1: How do you do? Hey HIMESE yes, that is okay.

185
00:11:08,160 --> 00:11:18,000
Speaker 1: It's Chester Lemon, Chester Lemon. Yeah, yeah, good. It was

186
00:11:18,000 --> 00:11:23,120
Speaker 1: a beautiful office the first time seeing the doctor. Yeah.

187
00:11:23,880 --> 00:11:25,880
Speaker 1: People will call me an animal, if you know what

188
00:11:25,960 --> 00:11:28,439
Speaker 1: I mean. I'm sure they do. We deal with all

189
00:11:28,520 --> 00:11:32,000
Speaker 1: kinds here, little sex animal huh oh yeah. To be

190
00:11:32,120 --> 00:11:35,719
Speaker 1: totally honest with you, I'm starting a little turned off

191
00:11:35,960 --> 00:11:39,480
Speaker 1: personally turned it off by animals. Yeah, oh yeah, yeah.

192
00:11:39,559 --> 00:11:41,920
Speaker 1: It seems like a lot of it seems like a

193
00:11:41,960 --> 00:11:45,800
Speaker 1: lot of responsibility. And I like my freedom. I get that.

194
00:11:46,040 --> 00:11:49,599
Speaker 1: I'm all about freedom USA all the way. Do you

195
00:11:49,679 --> 00:11:51,800
Speaker 1: have an appointment with the doctor? Your name is I did?

196
00:11:51,840 --> 00:11:55,760
Speaker 1: I had it at seven pm? I'm here a little earlier, yeah,

197
00:11:55,840 --> 00:11:57,920
Speaker 1: a little bit. Yeah. Yeah. I thought I might just

198
00:11:57,960 --> 00:11:59,559
Speaker 1: hang out see the space, get to know it. But

199
00:11:59,679 --> 00:12:03,760
Speaker 1: must ain't going you know what? Sure? Why don't you

200
00:12:03,840 --> 00:12:06,000
Speaker 1: sit down and got it relaxed? Would you like something

201
00:12:06,040 --> 00:12:08,520
Speaker 1: to drink? Yeah, I'll take a brandy if you got it.

202
00:12:08,840 --> 00:12:12,480
Speaker 1: I'm sorry we don't. We might I brought my own,

203
00:12:12,679 --> 00:12:17,320
Speaker 1: but you okay, I was thinking more like coffee or cope, Brandy,

204
00:12:17,559 --> 00:12:19,480
Speaker 1: would you like a glass? Oh no, thank you. I'm

205
00:12:19,520 --> 00:12:24,839
Speaker 1: on duty, all right, you too. Stop stop fighting. I

206
00:12:24,960 --> 00:12:26,760
Speaker 1: told you, I told you that that this is not

207
00:12:26,800 --> 00:12:29,719
Speaker 1: how group therapy supposed to. Touching you? Am I bothering you?

208
00:12:29,880 --> 00:12:32,920
Speaker 1: I'm not touching you. Am my fathering you? It's bothering

209
00:12:33,000 --> 00:12:36,400
Speaker 1: me very much. I could kill you in one small snip.

210
00:12:36,720 --> 00:12:40,000
Speaker 1: Clearly it is bothering him. Yes, technically you're not touching him,

211
00:12:40,120 --> 00:12:43,199
Speaker 1: but you're very close to my patient and Jack. I've

212
00:12:43,200 --> 00:12:47,800
Speaker 1: been on the window sill. You couldn't kill him. Oh no, no,

213
00:12:48,640 --> 00:12:52,680
Speaker 1: you don't have legs. Hey, do not egg. We could

214
00:12:52,920 --> 00:12:58,080
Speaker 1: swallow you up in one subtle scoop, a scoop, a snip.

215
00:12:58,160 --> 00:13:00,520
Speaker 1: What are you talking about but a scoop? I want

216
00:13:00,559 --> 00:13:02,840
Speaker 1: to You can't snip or scoop. You got no arms

217
00:13:02,840 --> 00:13:04,959
Speaker 1: and no legs. I'm coming at you. He'll go ahead,

218
00:13:05,000 --> 00:13:07,280
Speaker 1: out come here. I'm all saying you can't climb. Hey,

219
00:13:08,080 --> 00:13:10,719
Speaker 1: lift me up? Me up? Don't lift do do not

220
00:13:10,880 --> 00:13:13,840
Speaker 1: lift him up? But I was told not to, Sonara,

221
00:13:13,920 --> 00:13:18,040
Speaker 1: wanna don't do it. So would you like piece of

222
00:13:18,080 --> 00:13:23,559
Speaker 1: the steak at all? Or Mr Lemon, I like a

223
00:13:23,679 --> 00:13:26,480
Speaker 1: piece of that steak? What are you implying another? I'm

224
00:13:26,480 --> 00:13:27,599
Speaker 1: just you know, I asked. I'm gonna be here for

225
00:13:27,600 --> 00:13:29,199
Speaker 1: a whim. I as well set up a little dinner

226
00:13:29,280 --> 00:13:32,800
Speaker 1: table for us. Wel congratulations, sir, you have made a

227
00:13:32,960 --> 00:13:37,040
Speaker 1: sixty three old year old woman blush st Yeah. Well

228
00:13:37,120 --> 00:13:40,720
Speaker 1: I run distance running. Yeah, so I'm still very tight.

229
00:13:41,120 --> 00:13:46,640
Speaker 1: That's great now very cardiovascularly fit? Yeah? So am I

230
00:13:47,679 --> 00:13:50,640
Speaker 1: very open minded? Oh me as well, Cloras, I could

231
00:13:50,720 --> 00:13:52,959
Speaker 1: use a hand. There's chaos in here, you know what.

232
00:13:53,120 --> 00:13:55,640
Speaker 1: I need to bring this spray bottle into the doctor.

233
00:13:55,720 --> 00:13:57,440
Speaker 1: Can you hold on for just one second? I can

234
00:13:57,480 --> 00:14:02,959
Speaker 1: hold on all day. Okay, So, and will you get that?

235
00:14:02,960 --> 00:14:04,640
Speaker 1: Will you get the hippo's back while you're at it?

236
00:14:05,440 --> 00:14:12,160
Speaker 1: That feels good? Thank you, Dr. The session's been illuminating

237
00:14:12,280 --> 00:14:14,199
Speaker 1: for me. If you need me, I'll be in the

238
00:14:14,360 --> 00:14:17,880
Speaker 1: parking lot finishing season three of the Wire again. We

239
00:14:18,000 --> 00:14:20,640
Speaker 1: need that parking you know what, Just take the parking

240
00:14:20,680 --> 00:14:24,640
Speaker 1: space for a little while. Yet. Is there anything else

241
00:14:24,680 --> 00:14:26,520
Speaker 1: I can do for you right now? Doctor? Yeah? You

242
00:14:26,600 --> 00:14:29,320
Speaker 1: can send in any other patients that. Ikay, we're gonna

243
00:14:29,360 --> 00:14:31,800
Speaker 1: do a bit of a round robin. Mr Mr Lehman

244
00:14:32,120 --> 00:14:35,720
Speaker 1: is here, Chester, Lemon, Chester Lamon just about finished with

245
00:14:35,800 --> 00:14:38,320
Speaker 1: his brandy and steak. I'll send him right in. Uh, well,

246
00:14:38,880 --> 00:14:40,720
Speaker 1: if he needs to finish up with a dessert course

247
00:14:40,880 --> 00:14:43,680
Speaker 1: or something. But but but wait a minute, Well he

248
00:14:43,880 --> 00:14:46,280
Speaker 1: just brought a little snack with him and he seems

249
00:14:46,320 --> 00:14:50,280
Speaker 1: to like to drink alcohol with his steaks. Don't normally

250
00:14:50,320 --> 00:14:53,320
Speaker 1: deal with humans. All right, bring him in, Mr Lamon.

251
00:14:53,440 --> 00:14:55,520
Speaker 1: The doctor will see you now, just give one second,

252
00:14:55,560 --> 00:15:03,560
Speaker 1: just dipping my steak in this brandy. Hello, hello, Mr Lamander.

253
00:15:03,680 --> 00:15:05,880
Speaker 1: Lamon's I can't read on this thing. There's there's brandy

254
00:15:05,960 --> 00:15:11,240
Speaker 1: on the paper. The s is for the best my line?

255
00:15:11,400 --> 00:15:14,600
Speaker 1: What what the holy ship? That's a snake, And don't

256
00:15:14,600 --> 00:15:18,800
Speaker 1: worry about him? Who whoa whoa? Holy sure you all right,

257
00:15:18,840 --> 00:15:22,400
Speaker 1: we'll calm down right, Yes, holy fuck? Are you Steve?

258
00:15:22,440 --> 00:15:24,600
Speaker 1: Are you okay? Oh my god? What do you mean

259
00:15:24,640 --> 00:15:28,240
Speaker 1: if Steve? Are you okay? So? Yep? The diamond back

260
00:15:28,320 --> 00:15:30,880
Speaker 1: all right, hold on now these are diamond Backer not

261
00:15:31,000 --> 00:15:32,880
Speaker 1: He's one of my clients and he's been with me

262
00:15:33,000 --> 00:15:36,440
Speaker 1: for years. Yeah, yeah, Steve is one of my clients,

263
00:15:38,400 --> 00:15:40,960
Speaker 1: and yes, you are one of my allergic to cats.

264
00:15:42,240 --> 00:15:43,960
Speaker 1: What are you doing that is? She's been one of

265
00:15:44,040 --> 00:15:51,560
Speaker 1: my Look, I forgot my trapper kicks come back come?

266
00:15:52,000 --> 00:16:03,040
Speaker 1: Oh my god? Good? So just thanks good working up

267
00:16:03,040 --> 00:16:08,840
Speaker 1: a Brandy Sweat you have just you've just stomped to

268
00:16:09,040 --> 00:16:17,160
Speaker 1: death my three clients. Of that's what worked, cowboy boots dr.

269
00:16:17,240 --> 00:16:19,200
Speaker 1: I'm sorry to interrupt, but I swear I heard a

270
00:16:19,280 --> 00:16:25,160
Speaker 1: kerfupple and then someone shot my name, Brandy Sweat. I said,

271
00:16:25,400 --> 00:16:28,920
Speaker 1: Brandy Sweat, that's my name, Brandy. Just can you just

272
00:16:29,000 --> 00:16:31,960
Speaker 1: go back outside and see close to see if Chloris

273
00:16:32,040 --> 00:16:39,600
Speaker 1: needs anything? Brandy please? And she is new? I like

274
00:16:39,800 --> 00:16:45,240
Speaker 1: it all right? Um, this is highly inappropriate. I hope

275
00:16:45,280 --> 00:16:48,120
Speaker 1: you know that nobody else comes into a session like this,

276
00:16:48,600 --> 00:16:51,800
Speaker 1: murders three clients and then takes over the room. This

277
00:16:51,920 --> 00:16:54,600
Speaker 1: is highly irregular and I'm I'm not even sure that

278
00:16:54,680 --> 00:16:57,560
Speaker 1: I can objectively listen to your problems, right wow, Yeah,

279
00:16:58,200 --> 00:17:00,200
Speaker 1: I'm sorry, Mr Lamont. I'm gonna have to ask you

280
00:17:00,240 --> 00:17:02,520
Speaker 1: to leave. You know what, I'm going to ask myself

281
00:17:02,600 --> 00:17:06,200
Speaker 1: to leave. I'll already ask you to leave, but I

282
00:17:06,400 --> 00:17:08,879
Speaker 1: didn't hear it, and I do myself to leave. But

283
00:17:09,040 --> 00:17:11,879
Speaker 1: you said you said it right after, so you were

284
00:17:11,960 --> 00:17:14,480
Speaker 1: listening to me, So you did listen to me. I

285
00:17:14,680 --> 00:17:17,560
Speaker 1: guess technically I did so. I guess you do want

286
00:17:17,600 --> 00:17:21,119
Speaker 1: to listen. What seems to be the problem? Mr. That

287
00:17:21,400 --> 00:17:30,760
Speaker 1: was the greatest summer of my life and that's that one. Okay,

288
00:17:32,440 --> 00:17:34,680
Speaker 1: you're running out of that. We just I mean, we

289
00:17:34,800 --> 00:17:40,720
Speaker 1: just proved that animal minds are just dumb. Yeah, there's

290
00:17:40,760 --> 00:17:44,880
Speaker 1: no reason to explore that field of psychology. Yeah, he's

291
00:17:44,880 --> 00:17:52,720
Speaker 1: watching the wire, was watching the wall. He was watching

292
00:17:52,760 --> 00:17:56,119
Speaker 1: the Wire. That's a great show. It's really good. Alright,

293
00:17:57,760 --> 00:18:06,520
Speaker 1: what stop our second scene? Suggestion? Hi? My suggestion is

294
00:18:06,880 --> 00:18:09,680
Speaker 1: organizing and putting on a world record at TEFT, such

295
00:18:09,720 --> 00:18:11,280
Speaker 1: as the most people standing on their head at the

296
00:18:11,320 --> 00:18:15,400
Speaker 1: same time. I love the show. Anonymous from Vancouver, Canada,

297
00:18:16,280 --> 00:18:22,840
Speaker 1: the hacker? Who it was? The hacker? Can we just

298
00:18:23,080 --> 00:18:25,399
Speaker 1: team up for a second and stop talking more online

299
00:18:25,480 --> 00:18:30,920
Speaker 1: jargon please? Breeding guys and girls and girls. Bring it

300
00:18:30,960 --> 00:18:33,960
Speaker 1: in guys and girls, just one girl. Okay, bring it

301
00:18:34,000 --> 00:18:36,280
Speaker 1: in guys and girls. Let's just come up with another

302
00:18:36,320 --> 00:18:37,840
Speaker 1: words so we don't have to keep saying guys and girls.

303
00:18:38,520 --> 00:18:42,120
Speaker 1: Where I'm from we say, y'all, team team, great team

304
00:18:42,359 --> 00:18:46,320
Speaker 1: bringing in team all right, here, we brought it in.

305
00:18:46,440 --> 00:18:49,040
Speaker 1: I'm here, let's do this. Alright, Well, we're gonna Are

306
00:18:49,040 --> 00:18:51,080
Speaker 1: we gonna set this world record? Or what is this?

307
00:18:51,480 --> 00:18:54,480
Speaker 1: Are these are these sausages gonna get eaten or not?

308
00:18:54,720 --> 00:18:58,360
Speaker 1: Are these bunnies gonna get snapped? What's going on? Let's

309
00:18:58,359 --> 00:19:00,359
Speaker 1: just focus on the bunnies getting snapped. I was going

310
00:19:00,400 --> 00:19:02,680
Speaker 1: to say opposite, I don't want to snap the bunny.

311
00:19:02,840 --> 00:19:05,280
Speaker 1: Were you talking about that? We'll records never been set yet.

312
00:19:05,520 --> 00:19:08,399
Speaker 1: We could snap two bunnies. The record for most bunnies

313
00:19:08,440 --> 00:19:13,399
Speaker 1: snapped in a minute is forty seven bunniest we can

314
00:19:13,600 --> 00:19:17,080
Speaker 1: Who did that high school team out of Arkansas? Yeah? Yeah,

315
00:19:17,160 --> 00:19:20,360
Speaker 1: a really angry one. Is that in the book? Yes,

316
00:19:21,440 --> 00:19:23,880
Speaker 1: I'm technically there are lots of things in the book.

317
00:19:23,920 --> 00:19:26,560
Speaker 1: I'm sorry. I've just been while you were deciding on

318
00:19:26,680 --> 00:19:29,000
Speaker 1: what exactly record you want to break. I've just been

319
00:19:29,359 --> 00:19:32,000
Speaker 1: quietly standing here and my blazer, with my binder and

320
00:19:32,080 --> 00:19:37,560
Speaker 1: my stopwatch and U as well. None of you seemed

321
00:19:37,640 --> 00:19:39,879
Speaker 1: to notice me as you were just he's the official

322
00:19:40,000 --> 00:19:48,399
Speaker 1: record keeper from Guinness. Oh my gosh. That will go

323
00:19:48,520 --> 00:19:52,520
Speaker 1: down on your on your I'm sorry, I be we

324
00:19:52,560 --> 00:19:54,880
Speaker 1: needed to have someone to prove well, of course we did.

325
00:19:55,119 --> 00:19:57,800
Speaker 1: I understand that we need an official from the world

326
00:19:57,880 --> 00:20:01,280
Speaker 1: record people here to verify our world record. I don't understand.

327
00:20:01,280 --> 00:20:03,800
Speaker 1: What's so hard to understand. I understand and told me.

328
00:20:04,640 --> 00:20:07,400
Speaker 1: You've all that I can clearly see at this point

329
00:20:07,640 --> 00:20:10,000
Speaker 1: is that you have placed several items on the table

330
00:20:10,480 --> 00:20:13,119
Speaker 1: and are now determining what you can possibly do to

331
00:20:13,359 --> 00:20:15,639
Speaker 1: break a world record with him, I may I just

332
00:20:15,760 --> 00:20:19,399
Speaker 1: say that you don't have to you don't have to

333
00:20:19,480 --> 00:20:22,080
Speaker 1: break a world record to feel validated as people. I

334
00:20:22,160 --> 00:20:28,720
Speaker 1: see this. That's exactly what somebody like him would say,

335
00:20:28,880 --> 00:20:33,640
Speaker 1: some lobbyists from big records. I'm just saying I see

336
00:20:33,680 --> 00:20:36,000
Speaker 1: this a lot every day. People try to validate their

337
00:20:36,080 --> 00:20:39,920
Speaker 1: lives by by breaking a record, and some records just

338
00:20:40,000 --> 00:20:45,080
Speaker 1: don't mean to break records. No funk that. Okay, I'm

339
00:20:45,080 --> 00:20:47,119
Speaker 1: here to make on my name last for ever. Well,

340
00:20:47,160 --> 00:20:49,639
Speaker 1: there's there's rabbits and sausages and all kinds of a

341
00:20:49,720 --> 00:20:55,160
Speaker 1: sort of detrit us on this Stay on this table again.

342
00:20:55,240 --> 00:20:57,000
Speaker 1: This is what I keep you can I ask you

343
00:20:57,119 --> 00:21:00,560
Speaker 1: which records have already been established and involved sausages and rabbits.

344
00:21:01,320 --> 00:21:04,359
Speaker 1: Good question. Well there's there's the the of course, the

345
00:21:04,440 --> 00:21:11,000
Speaker 1: aforementioned rabbit snapping. Right, what reckon the number of sausages

346
00:21:11,000 --> 00:21:15,160
Speaker 1: eaten in a minute? Yes? Okay, by a team? Right, yes,

347
00:21:15,320 --> 00:21:19,200
Speaker 1: by a team, by an individual, and um, oddly enough,

348
00:21:19,320 --> 00:21:22,120
Speaker 1: there's a I shouldn't tell you this. There's a record

349
00:21:22,200 --> 00:21:25,639
Speaker 1: that might be real easy to break. Okay, Well, the

350
00:21:25,760 --> 00:21:30,040
Speaker 1: record for sausages eaten by a rabbit is only one

351
00:21:30,520 --> 00:21:33,159
Speaker 1: in a full minute. So if you can make of those,

352
00:21:33,200 --> 00:21:35,320
Speaker 1: I'm thinking when the rabbit gets the credit, we don't

353
00:21:35,320 --> 00:21:36,760
Speaker 1: get the credit. I was thinking we could be a

354
00:21:36,840 --> 00:21:41,800
Speaker 1: human centipede. I don't know that. Hold on a second,

355
00:21:42,960 --> 00:21:45,840
Speaker 1: eating and then because if a group has done it,

356
00:21:46,320 --> 00:21:48,879
Speaker 1: and an individual has done it, but has a group

357
00:21:49,119 --> 00:21:52,760
Speaker 1: as an individual time, no, that has anyone human centipede

358
00:21:52,800 --> 00:21:57,160
Speaker 1: to the sausage. I don't think this is a let's

359
00:21:57,200 --> 00:22:01,560
Speaker 1: do it, let's do it. Wanted to be the top.

360
00:22:01,600 --> 00:22:03,880
Speaker 1: I want to be the end. I mean, yeah, I'll

361
00:22:04,080 --> 00:22:06,000
Speaker 1: be and wherever. I just don't want to be down

362
00:22:06,040 --> 00:22:07,639
Speaker 1: on my hands and knees too long, because I do

363
00:22:07,920 --> 00:22:09,680
Speaker 1: and you know, we have an idea of a sore

364
00:22:09,800 --> 00:22:12,000
Speaker 1: hip let's do it seated, so I'll be on top

365
00:22:12,040 --> 00:22:14,800
Speaker 1: of each other stacked. It'll make you go Quicker's that

366
00:22:14,880 --> 00:22:16,680
Speaker 1: way a minute. We're gonna need way more tables, and

367
00:22:16,840 --> 00:22:20,320
Speaker 1: I gotta be honest, I feel uncomfortable if we start

368
00:22:20,440 --> 00:22:23,280
Speaker 1: down this path, it's gonna end up with us asked

369
00:22:23,320 --> 00:22:27,080
Speaker 1: to mouth for a long period. Okay, you're out then, Doug. Okay,

370
00:22:29,119 --> 00:22:32,600
Speaker 1: well I'm bringing with my Guinness Record tracker record keeper.

371
00:22:33,040 --> 00:22:35,800
Speaker 1: All right, well, goodbye. Everybody going but not apparently I'm

372
00:22:35,840 --> 00:22:39,879
Speaker 1: going with Doug. No, okay, okay, thank you, thank you.

373
00:22:39,960 --> 00:22:41,480
Speaker 1: I don't mean to be an a sayer, but I

374
00:22:41,520 --> 00:22:45,600
Speaker 1: didn't want to human centipede today? What a human centipede is? Yeah?

375
00:22:46,040 --> 00:22:49,120
Speaker 1: Mr Recordkeeper? Can I talk to you for a second? Yeah, sorry,

376
00:22:49,119 --> 00:22:51,239
Speaker 1: we're just in a dog kinnel. Just come over here.

377
00:22:51,960 --> 00:22:54,080
Speaker 1: Um yeah, I don't know how close you and Doug are.

378
00:22:54,160 --> 00:22:56,400
Speaker 1: Why are we? Why are we ducking? Well, we're ducking.

379
00:22:56,440 --> 00:22:58,480
Speaker 1: Just there's just a low overhanging the wood might start

380
00:22:58,480 --> 00:23:00,159
Speaker 1: swinging and knock one of our heads off. So just

381
00:23:00,960 --> 00:23:03,919
Speaker 1: I don't know if you like getting your foots rubbed

382
00:23:04,040 --> 00:23:08,159
Speaker 1: or something like that, but maybe foots okay, more than

383
00:23:08,240 --> 00:23:10,760
Speaker 1: one and uh, I don't know. Maybe you know. I

384
00:23:10,800 --> 00:23:12,399
Speaker 1: don't know what Doug's offering, but I can offer you

385
00:23:12,520 --> 00:23:14,399
Speaker 1: something if you want to hang out with us. So

386
00:23:14,560 --> 00:23:17,280
Speaker 1: you're offering me to stick around so that you can

387
00:23:17,320 --> 00:23:19,399
Speaker 1: make a human centipede and in return I receive a

388
00:23:19,440 --> 00:23:23,760
Speaker 1: foot rub or something like that. Yeah, I'm gonna I'm

389
00:23:23,800 --> 00:23:26,040
Speaker 1: going to respectfully say no thing. Okay, wait wait, wait wait,

390
00:23:26,680 --> 00:23:31,040
Speaker 1: maybe maybe give him some money. Here, here's some money. Okay, thanks,

391
00:23:31,280 --> 00:23:33,560
Speaker 1: I'm gonna use this money. And no, suck your feet.

392
00:23:34,680 --> 00:23:40,679
Speaker 1: Team up against Doug. It's always fun. Thanks. Yeah, keep calling. Thanks. Um,

393
00:23:41,160 --> 00:23:42,480
Speaker 1: I just got paid a lot of money to suck

394
00:23:42,520 --> 00:23:45,920
Speaker 1: your feet. Um, I appreciate it if you wouldn't suck

395
00:23:46,040 --> 00:23:50,520
Speaker 1: my feet. Okay, okay, what's the record for a foot sucking? Technically,

396
00:23:50,600 --> 00:23:53,280
Speaker 1: the record for foot sucking is all tin toes in

397
00:23:53,400 --> 00:23:56,600
Speaker 1: less than one second. Well let's try that. Let's human

398
00:23:56,640 --> 00:23:58,639
Speaker 1: centipede that up and then put his toes in one

399
00:23:58,680 --> 00:24:01,280
Speaker 1: of our mouths. We asked to toe the mouth. Well, yes,

400
00:24:01,359 --> 00:24:02,840
Speaker 1: and I'll be at the back. I don't think we

401
00:24:02,920 --> 00:24:04,800
Speaker 1: have two humans in a feed for this one. God

402
00:24:05,000 --> 00:24:07,040
Speaker 1: deem it. I mean I was all for it for

403
00:24:07,080 --> 00:24:08,520
Speaker 1: the one that made sense, But this doesn't seem like

404
00:24:08,600 --> 00:24:11,879
Speaker 1: it makes sense. Doug, could they come into my office?

405
00:24:12,240 --> 00:24:15,840
Speaker 1: Give me to my office. Well, it's about your report

406
00:24:15,960 --> 00:24:21,320
Speaker 1: from your last field report. Um, what exactly did these

407
00:24:21,400 --> 00:24:25,280
Speaker 1: kids try to do? Because the pictures I don't honestly,

408
00:24:25,280 --> 00:24:27,040
Speaker 1: I don't even know if I'm holding them upside down?

409
00:24:27,880 --> 00:24:31,280
Speaker 1: Uh honestly, Oh no, that one's actually you're looking at

410
00:24:31,359 --> 00:24:37,720
Speaker 1: the back of the picture. Oh my gosh. Yeah yeah, yeah,

411
00:24:38,480 --> 00:24:40,679
Speaker 1: I mean I guess we could, we could technically award

412
00:24:40,800 --> 00:24:44,720
Speaker 1: them most at time. How many people is this that? Well,

413
00:24:44,800 --> 00:24:53,560
Speaker 1: that's that's about six people and two rabbits. Rabbits. Yeah, okay, okay,

414
00:24:53,760 --> 00:25:01,480
Speaker 1: broh washed my mouth. That's say they did, in fact

415
00:25:02,240 --> 00:25:04,679
Speaker 1: get my toes sucked in almost one second, but they

416
00:25:04,720 --> 00:25:08,800
Speaker 1: were just over the record one point to Look, we

417
00:25:08,880 --> 00:25:13,879
Speaker 1: gotta give him something. Look, Doug, you have a very

418
00:25:13,920 --> 00:25:16,560
Speaker 1: strong stomach. You're a good agent. You're a good Guinness agent.

419
00:25:16,640 --> 00:25:18,960
Speaker 1: Thank you, I thank you. Mr. I have to show

420
00:25:19,119 --> 00:25:21,560
Speaker 1: this to a g I a to Guinness internal affairs.

421
00:25:21,600 --> 00:25:23,320
Speaker 1: We have to get to the bottom of this. I

422
00:25:23,440 --> 00:25:27,680
Speaker 1: told you everything that happened. I know, and yet yet

423
00:25:27,800 --> 00:25:31,720
Speaker 1: it still is some sort of incomprehensible nightmare. You have

424
00:25:31,880 --> 00:25:34,440
Speaker 1: to quit. You keep coming home with all these terrible things.

425
00:25:34,520 --> 00:25:37,520
Speaker 1: You don't talk to me anymore. I just can't uns

426
00:25:39,160 --> 00:25:44,200
Speaker 1: miss Daddy to look at your totter. Please. There's no

427
00:25:44,320 --> 00:25:47,840
Speaker 1: such thing as innocence. What do you mean, Guinness, What

428
00:25:47,880 --> 00:25:56,160
Speaker 1: do you mean there's so much innocent? Look at our honey.

429
00:25:56,200 --> 00:25:58,000
Speaker 1: We're going to go on a little trip. Okay. I

430
00:25:58,080 --> 00:26:00,480
Speaker 1: don't want to go on a daccasion. We're gonna go

431
00:26:00,520 --> 00:26:06,000
Speaker 1: on okay, packs. I don't have that many things, Guinness.

432
00:26:06,119 --> 00:26:12,600
Speaker 1: We see these photos of you drinking Scotch. Yes, sorry

433
00:26:12,680 --> 00:26:15,840
Speaker 1: the last throw the book out and boil. The last

434
00:26:15,880 --> 00:26:18,560
Speaker 1: six or seven months have been sort of in and out.

435
00:26:20,480 --> 00:26:22,680
Speaker 1: We tried to set this world record, and I sent

436
00:26:22,760 --> 00:26:25,480
Speaker 1: one of my best field agents out god knows where

437
00:26:25,560 --> 00:26:30,800
Speaker 1: to see these kids do here? Okay? This is an

438
00:26:30,840 --> 00:26:34,879
Speaker 1: oyers carpreation. No Scotch space King are oier space key.

439
00:26:34,960 --> 00:26:38,200
Speaker 1: Only thing that's going to be coming down Your respects

440
00:26:38,280 --> 00:26:40,639
Speaker 1: that more than I do. Gentlemen, then why you drunk

441
00:26:40,720 --> 00:26:47,119
Speaker 1: at Scotch Well to unlearn things that I've learned. That's interesting.

442
00:26:47,320 --> 00:26:48,800
Speaker 1: We gave you the name your part of the family.

443
00:26:49,320 --> 00:26:51,399
Speaker 1: Tell what you guys, just look at the pictures. Here's

444
00:26:51,440 --> 00:26:57,720
Speaker 1: the pictures. Look at the pictures. Take a look jest.

445
00:26:57,920 --> 00:27:00,040
Speaker 1: I mean, it's like a bunch of people try to

446
00:27:00,160 --> 00:27:03,920
Speaker 1: do a human centipede with animals without knowing what a

447
00:27:04,040 --> 00:27:09,240
Speaker 1: human centipede is. Mother Mary, Donny boy. Yeah, it looks

448
00:27:09,240 --> 00:27:14,119
Speaker 1: like a horonmous bush painting. This is disturbing. What is

449
00:27:14,280 --> 00:27:17,520
Speaker 1: Is that a butt? Mine? Not in that picture? Is

450
00:27:17,600 --> 00:27:19,520
Speaker 1: that a but I still don't know. Are you looking

451
00:27:19,560 --> 00:27:21,200
Speaker 1: at my butt? No? I'm looking at the thing in

452
00:27:21,280 --> 00:27:23,080
Speaker 1: the picture. Is in a butt? Or what are you

453
00:27:23,160 --> 00:27:26,480
Speaker 1: pointing at my butting? At the picture? I can't look

454
00:27:26,520 --> 00:27:30,400
Speaker 1: at it. I hear what you're saying that you get

455
00:27:30,440 --> 00:27:33,440
Speaker 1: a scotch first hole. Oh that sounds well this is

456
00:27:33,520 --> 00:27:35,960
Speaker 1: a day, then this is a day for all I

457
00:27:36,040 --> 00:27:39,240
Speaker 1: ought to be drinking scotch. Well, I'd say this is

458
00:27:39,680 --> 00:27:42,480
Speaker 1: this might be a world record most Irish people sitting

459
00:27:42,520 --> 00:27:46,440
Speaker 1: around drinking at this? What is that something we want

460
00:27:46,480 --> 00:27:49,000
Speaker 1: to momoralize. I don't know if we want it in

461
00:27:49,040 --> 00:27:54,159
Speaker 1: the maybe if we're human centipede it I listen. I

462
00:27:54,600 --> 00:27:58,360
Speaker 1: rarely contribute an idea, but when I do a nice

463
00:27:58,400 --> 00:28:00,280
Speaker 1: one that's not about idea. Let's hear my sand to

464
00:28:00,280 --> 00:28:04,400
Speaker 1: page up. I'll be at the end, Ganness, you're a portraiti.

465
00:28:04,480 --> 00:28:06,840
Speaker 1: Now you're going to be sent to page it up.

466
00:28:07,880 --> 00:28:11,600
Speaker 1: I mean, why not? There's no such things that this

467
00:28:12,160 --> 00:28:14,560
Speaker 1: this thing is a soul, So I mean as well

468
00:28:14,680 --> 00:28:18,600
Speaker 1: just do it. Why not just get really discussed with it,

469
00:28:18,840 --> 00:28:21,440
Speaker 1: and maybe after I gotta look at the guy in

470
00:28:21,480 --> 00:28:26,359
Speaker 1: the mirror. You're going, I'm gonna do stuff to that

471
00:28:26,880 --> 00:28:29,639
Speaker 1: that you don't even understand. Why you don't even understand.

472
00:28:29,640 --> 00:28:32,080
Speaker 1: You're gonna put your mouth instruction. I'm gonna put my

473
00:28:32,200 --> 00:28:34,840
Speaker 1: full foot in it. First, You're not put your foot,

474
00:28:36,160 --> 00:28:38,880
Speaker 1: just all of my toes. Take all of my toes.

475
00:28:39,600 --> 00:28:43,760
Speaker 1: Barently you're gonna suck them, and bunnies are gonna watch. Gainness,

476
00:28:43,800 --> 00:28:46,920
Speaker 1: calm down the whole life, that's what that's all. Cal

477
00:28:47,000 --> 00:28:49,520
Speaker 1: him down, You know what I mean? If you can't

478
00:28:49,680 --> 00:28:57,720
Speaker 1: un see the screams, the sweet embrace of death, getting

479
00:28:57,720 --> 00:29:03,200
Speaker 1: stuff kicking her maid song, let's go down, and all

480
00:29:03,280 --> 00:29:06,680
Speaker 1: I think to myself is tied. Oh boy, take me

481
00:29:06,800 --> 00:29:10,200
Speaker 1: away to a place for my bones are dusted from

482
00:29:10,240 --> 00:29:16,560
Speaker 1: now you dance anymore, I'm jumping out the window. That's

483
00:29:16,560 --> 00:29:18,880
Speaker 1: a record. That's a pretty high window. Just don't give

484
00:29:18,920 --> 00:29:21,320
Speaker 1: me a ticket, all right, Just from one fucking second.

485
00:29:22,040 --> 00:29:27,720
Speaker 1: Oh my god, oh my god, you have hit somebody

486
00:29:27,800 --> 00:29:30,600
Speaker 1: with your car, sirt what you have hit somebody with

487
00:29:30,760 --> 00:29:43,040
Speaker 1: your car? Sirte you jail. That kindness tumbled out a

488
00:29:43,160 --> 00:29:48,120
Speaker 1: window and he fell onto a car, on the car,

489
00:29:49,120 --> 00:29:53,360
Speaker 1: and that day, the day the record book went blank.

490
00:29:54,160 --> 00:29:55,920
Speaker 1: Thank you all for being here for the funer rule

491
00:29:56,400 --> 00:29:59,840
Speaker 1: of artur Kinness, named after artur Kinness, who made Guinness,

492
00:30:00,160 --> 00:30:03,360
Speaker 1: but not tea horse or Guinness homemade Guinness. A lot

493
00:30:03,400 --> 00:30:05,080
Speaker 1: of people here know him as a man who was

494
00:30:05,120 --> 00:30:07,440
Speaker 1: portrait of the World Record faboration and was able to

495
00:30:07,480 --> 00:30:11,000
Speaker 1: give us a lot of information. You have here his

496
00:30:11,160 --> 00:30:15,720
Speaker 1: wife and breathe child, give us to give a very

497
00:30:15,880 --> 00:30:20,800
Speaker 1: light eulogy, very quick, very quick eulogy. I had something

498
00:30:20,960 --> 00:30:26,360
Speaker 1: start alone, prepared three pages, single space, just very quick.

499
00:30:26,480 --> 00:30:28,800
Speaker 1: But she prepared more for a short ulogy. Are not

500
00:30:29,120 --> 00:30:32,720
Speaker 1: going to turn on me, they keep going, I'm just

501
00:30:32,880 --> 00:30:34,840
Speaker 1: here to determine whether or not this is going to

502
00:30:34,960 --> 00:30:40,400
Speaker 1: set the Guinness record for the world's shortest eulogy. So dead,

503
00:30:40,840 --> 00:30:43,240
Speaker 1: sad and you, yeah, it looks like you did it.

504
00:30:43,360 --> 00:30:48,240
Speaker 1: That's it. Twas the day of the new record, what's it?

505
00:30:49,760 --> 00:30:53,800
Speaker 1: And the book had a new entry that way, now

506
00:30:53,920 --> 00:30:59,680
Speaker 1: Guinness she did it that day and the villagers alright,

507
00:30:59,760 --> 00:31:04,240
Speaker 1: Joe Stan sang hey, I wasn't at the funeral and

508
00:31:04,280 --> 00:31:08,920
Speaker 1: I heard you singing hey, and uh that that was fantastic. Hey, yeah,

509
00:31:08,960 --> 00:31:11,080
Speaker 1: I have a little party I'm throwing for just me

510
00:31:11,160 --> 00:31:12,680
Speaker 1: and one other friend. I'd love for you to come

511
00:31:12,720 --> 00:31:15,040
Speaker 1: over and sing, if you wouldn't mind. I can't turn

512
00:31:15,080 --> 00:31:17,479
Speaker 1: down a gig then kind of yeah, that'd be great. Hi.

513
00:31:18,120 --> 00:31:20,720
Speaker 1: Uh do you have any dietary restriction drinking like that?

514
00:31:21,720 --> 00:31:25,720
Speaker 1: I can't have gluten? Okay, yeah, no bread, no problem, No,

515
00:31:26,080 --> 00:31:28,920
Speaker 1: I say, it's yeah, what times the gig? The gig

516
00:31:29,000 --> 00:31:30,640
Speaker 1: is gonna be at three pm all the way to

517
00:31:30,720 --> 00:31:34,840
Speaker 1: three am, settle hours un interrupted, So it's good to

518
00:31:34,920 --> 00:31:38,120
Speaker 1: be I've got to set for that. Yes, okay, great?

519
00:31:38,840 --> 00:31:42,000
Speaker 1: Are you okay with cover songs? Say? Are you okay

520
00:31:42,080 --> 00:31:48,800
Speaker 1: with covers? I just didn't hear that covers. Ok I

521
00:31:48,960 --> 00:31:51,680
Speaker 1: just don't see a V. E. R. S cover songs,

522
00:31:51,960 --> 00:31:53,920
Speaker 1: you know, because like twelve hours un interrupted, it's hard

523
00:31:53,960 --> 00:31:55,800
Speaker 1: to do all originals. I mean, I've got a lot.

524
00:31:55,840 --> 00:31:57,800
Speaker 1: I've got at least like eleven and a half, but

525
00:31:58,080 --> 00:31:59,959
Speaker 1: thirty minutes have going into the covers mostly about more.

526
00:32:01,600 --> 00:32:04,240
Speaker 1: I don't really know what you just said, but just

527
00:32:04,360 --> 00:32:07,520
Speaker 1: take me to the gig. There a lot alright, Uh,

528
00:32:08,240 --> 00:32:11,600
Speaker 1: hold my hand, alright, let's go to it. How the

529
00:32:11,720 --> 00:32:14,040
Speaker 1: fund is that you're holding hands with? This is the

530
00:32:14,120 --> 00:32:18,360
Speaker 1: musician you're holding hands? Yes, he didn't to be guided here?

531
00:32:18,440 --> 00:32:20,400
Speaker 1: All right, this is supposed to be our party. I

532
00:32:20,520 --> 00:32:22,160
Speaker 1: understand that. But we need the music. I'm not gonna

533
00:32:22,200 --> 00:32:26,040
Speaker 1: just have Spotify for twelve hours, alright, so please whenever

534
00:32:26,040 --> 00:32:38,440
Speaker 1: you're ready, alright today, So two guys, just really really

535
00:32:38,520 --> 00:32:41,000
Speaker 1: a frustrating thing. I didn't need music for this party,

536
00:32:41,120 --> 00:32:44,680
Speaker 1: I mean every party. Can you keep playing friend Delivery?

537
00:32:45,040 --> 00:32:48,200
Speaker 1: Thank you? Just put it? Just snake it under the

538
00:32:48,280 --> 00:32:50,480
Speaker 1: doors of bread. Yeah, just snake it on the door.

539
00:32:50,600 --> 00:32:53,840
Speaker 1: It's too big. Snake it. It's too big snake. It's

540
00:32:53,880 --> 00:32:57,400
Speaker 1: not dough, it's baked. Bright. Understand that I'm not opening

541
00:32:57,440 --> 00:33:03,480
Speaker 1: the door. So punching through, punch through? What what's going on?

542
00:33:03,880 --> 00:33:07,160
Speaker 1: Just open the door? Open the door right now? Hello,

543
00:33:07,440 --> 00:33:17,240
Speaker 1: you hear me punching? Dorow? Somebody dirg the dirgy like

544
00:33:17,280 --> 00:33:19,840
Speaker 1: a dirt, like a type of music or something. Think

545
00:33:19,880 --> 00:33:24,640
Speaker 1: it's a funeral song, play dirt, und I don't have

546
00:33:24,840 --> 00:33:28,080
Speaker 1: a knife to make it and definite enough slices. We

547
00:33:28,160 --> 00:33:30,760
Speaker 1: don't care to slide it through. Wait, I loved your

548
00:33:30,800 --> 00:33:33,040
Speaker 1: sing song that he wants to join me? Bond who

549
00:33:33,160 --> 00:33:35,120
Speaker 1: said that? Hi on the other side of the door

550
00:33:35,160 --> 00:33:37,920
Speaker 1: of the music? And here open this door. Don't open it?

551
00:33:38,440 --> 00:33:42,120
Speaker 1: Was it a musician? Open the door? He's singing what

552
00:33:42,200 --> 00:33:48,000
Speaker 1: he's doing? Bread, Doug, I'd like to offer you your

553
00:33:48,080 --> 00:33:52,200
Speaker 1: boss's old job, the head of the Guinness World Records

554
00:33:52,760 --> 00:33:55,800
Speaker 1: Guinness operation. I'm not gonna have to be involved in

555
00:33:55,880 --> 00:33:59,320
Speaker 1: any human centipedes. Right Well, I'm going to tell you something, Doug.

556
00:33:59,800 --> 00:34:02,400
Speaker 1: You're at all the thing that you tell me not

557
00:34:02,640 --> 00:34:06,040
Speaker 1: be involved in human So let me finish. Let me

558
00:34:06,120 --> 00:34:12,440
Speaker 1: finish this a big moment. You're right, say the spotlight on. Okay,

559
00:34:12,480 --> 00:34:16,400
Speaker 1: go ahead. Out of all the employees here at Guinness,

560
00:34:16,880 --> 00:34:19,800
Speaker 1: you are the man who can see the unseen and

561
00:34:20,000 --> 00:34:24,840
Speaker 1: remain unflappable. And we need that kind of steady, level

562
00:34:24,880 --> 00:34:29,040
Speaker 1: headed guidance at the top of Guinness. You understand. Okay,

563
00:34:29,280 --> 00:34:32,040
Speaker 1: That's why I'm going to recommend you to the board

564
00:34:32,080 --> 00:34:35,759
Speaker 1: of Drunken Chairman. Oh, I wish we had time to

565
00:34:35,800 --> 00:34:45,560
Speaker 1: see that. That's one our final scene. Hello there, I'm

566
00:34:45,560 --> 00:34:48,080
Speaker 1: an American living in Vietnam, and I just want to

567
00:34:48,120 --> 00:34:50,160
Speaker 1: say that you guys almost man slaughtered me. A couple

568
00:34:50,160 --> 00:34:53,360
Speaker 1: of weeks ago, I was driving my motorbike through Hannoy traffic.

569
00:34:53,560 --> 00:34:58,640
Speaker 1: Just picture a mosh pit of rusty transformers with my

570
00:34:58,719 --> 00:35:01,680
Speaker 1: headphones in my helmet. Must have pressed the little button

571
00:35:01,719 --> 00:35:04,000
Speaker 1: on my headphones because Sirie ding Don and started playing

572
00:35:04,040 --> 00:35:06,200
Speaker 1: Alchemy this while I was driving. I wasn't in a

573
00:35:06,239 --> 00:35:07,800
Speaker 1: position to stop my bike, so I kind of just

574
00:35:07,920 --> 00:35:10,359
Speaker 1: let it happen and kept listening. When you guys got

575
00:35:10,400 --> 00:35:13,279
Speaker 1: to the Fenway concession vendor's sketch, I started laughing so

576
00:35:13,360 --> 00:35:15,600
Speaker 1: hard I could hardly drive straight. I had to stop

577
00:35:15,640 --> 00:35:17,279
Speaker 1: on a bridge to pull out my phone and shut

578
00:35:17,320 --> 00:35:20,480
Speaker 1: down the podcast. The drivers behind me were less than thrilled.

579
00:35:20,920 --> 00:35:22,400
Speaker 1: If you're wondering why I have my headphones and in

580
00:35:22,520 --> 00:35:24,640
Speaker 1: the first place, traffic here is just so so loud.

581
00:35:24,680 --> 00:35:26,239
Speaker 1: I always keep some kind of ear plugs in so

582
00:35:26,280 --> 00:35:28,879
Speaker 1: I don't go deaf before I'm thirty. Anyways, my job

583
00:35:28,960 --> 00:35:31,600
Speaker 1: is to teach US history and government to Vietnamese teenagers.

584
00:35:31,960 --> 00:35:33,440
Speaker 1: It's been a tough year for the job, as it

585
00:35:33,480 --> 00:35:35,959
Speaker 1: seems like I'm teaching about all sorts of governmental norms

586
00:35:36,000 --> 00:35:39,719
Speaker 1: and structures precisely as they break down. I was teaching

587
00:35:39,760 --> 00:35:41,920
Speaker 1: about the I n F Treaty the week after it expired.

588
00:35:42,040 --> 00:35:44,600
Speaker 1: We were going through the Supreme Courts nonpartisan functions during

589
00:35:44,640 --> 00:35:47,960
Speaker 1: the Kavanaugh hearings, and kids kept asking about Little rocket

590
00:35:48,040 --> 00:35:50,919
Speaker 1: Man during the Korean War section, so on and so forth.

591
00:35:52,640 --> 00:35:54,759
Speaker 1: Forest scene suggestion. I was hoping you guys could do

592
00:35:54,800 --> 00:35:57,879
Speaker 1: a situation where an authority is teaching precisely the wrong

593
00:35:58,000 --> 00:36:01,280
Speaker 1: subject at precisely the wrong time. Maybe a news anchor

594
00:36:01,360 --> 00:36:03,440
Speaker 1: delivering live updates on a crime that he clearly just

595
00:36:03,560 --> 00:36:06,160
Speaker 1: got back from committing. Thanks for all the laughs. I'm

596
00:36:06,200 --> 00:36:08,120
Speaker 1: pretty sure I actually have told everyone I've ever met

597
00:36:08,200 --> 00:36:15,960
Speaker 1: to listen and subscribe. Trent h the teacher going to

598
00:36:16,040 --> 00:36:19,120
Speaker 1: show up, or I don't know, I'm sorry, I'm like,

599
00:36:19,400 --> 00:36:23,160
Speaker 1: I'm sorry, I'm late. Let's just quick first start with attendance.

600
00:36:23,239 --> 00:36:28,160
Speaker 1: Is everybody here? Yeah? This is yeah, you know, Mitch

601
00:36:28,280 --> 00:36:30,799
Speaker 1: is out, he's got the flu. Mitch is in here,

602
00:36:30,840 --> 00:36:34,760
Speaker 1: But everybody else is here, Carol's out, Oh yeah, Carol's

603
00:36:34,760 --> 00:36:36,560
Speaker 1: gone to Oh yeah, Carol and Mitch on here, but

604
00:36:36,600 --> 00:36:38,399
Speaker 1: everybody else is don't you just go through roll call?

605
00:36:39,400 --> 00:36:41,239
Speaker 1: I don't know the truth is. I don't even know

606
00:36:41,320 --> 00:36:44,360
Speaker 1: who these names associated with anyway. So the best but

607
00:36:44,480 --> 00:36:46,160
Speaker 1: I have is your guys. This word to say that

608
00:36:46,200 --> 00:36:49,960
Speaker 1: you're telling the truth. So you're saying, Carol's here, Carol,

609
00:36:50,200 --> 00:36:53,120
Speaker 1: Carol's here, but Mitch is still going. Let me cover

610
00:36:53,239 --> 00:36:59,720
Speaker 1: for her. I don't want to get Mary aren't counting?

611
00:37:00,080 --> 00:37:04,600
Speaker 1: Wanted to read? Hey, can I ask your questions? What's

612
00:37:04,640 --> 00:37:08,480
Speaker 1: wrong with you? What's wrong with me? Yeah? You seem

613
00:37:08,520 --> 00:37:12,680
Speaker 1: a little off balance? Fair question? Yeah, I mean it's

614
00:37:12,680 --> 00:37:15,239
Speaker 1: a fair question. It's not a fair question. I think

615
00:37:15,280 --> 00:37:19,080
Speaker 1: it's a fair question. Requalified class. I've I haven't been

616
00:37:19,160 --> 00:37:23,120
Speaker 1: teaching in a while. But what's wrong with you? Yeah?

617
00:37:23,800 --> 00:37:28,080
Speaker 1: Your weather? Weather? What's over? People were saying, what is

618
00:37:28,200 --> 00:37:33,640
Speaker 1: going on? Crooked? It's just button wrong? Let me start

619
00:37:34,800 --> 00:37:38,120
Speaker 1: and it looks bloody. The tooth was just recent, that's recent.

620
00:37:38,239 --> 00:37:40,560
Speaker 1: Let me redo this button. Why is one of your

621
00:37:40,600 --> 00:37:43,879
Speaker 1: pant legs wet all the way to the waist? Whats

622
00:37:43,880 --> 00:37:47,399
Speaker 1: wrong with you? Who want a second let me Uh well,

623
00:37:47,440 --> 00:37:49,680
Speaker 1: I'll just ship behind the desk. That should fix everything.

624
00:37:50,680 --> 00:38:01,280
Speaker 1: Mr teacher sir, Yes, okay, all right, I have a question.

625
00:38:02,120 --> 00:38:07,080
Speaker 1: Have you had head injury? Or are you bloody? Face?

626
00:38:07,200 --> 00:38:10,520
Speaker 1: Looked like a head injury a little bit. Wait wait,

627
00:38:10,520 --> 00:38:12,600
Speaker 1: I got a question. Are you just like a bunch

628
00:38:12,680 --> 00:38:16,480
Speaker 1: of mice in a people suit? That's ridiculous, like just

629
00:38:16,680 --> 00:38:19,440
Speaker 1: trying to like, wait, you know, get around. That wouldn't

630
00:38:19,480 --> 00:38:22,879
Speaker 1: even be possible. There's no way that's possible. Think about

631
00:38:22,960 --> 00:38:26,400
Speaker 1: how would they all say the same thing at once? Right? Like? Well,

632
00:38:26,480 --> 00:38:33,600
Speaker 1: maybe okay, I gotta go by. Hey, guys, I think

633
00:38:33,640 --> 00:38:35,680
Speaker 1: you might have been right. That might have been a

634
00:38:35,760 --> 00:38:41,439
Speaker 1: bunch of mice just in a human just a hundred mice.

635
00:38:42,200 --> 00:38:45,200
Speaker 1: It's just two oh six American pop culture in history. Yeah,

636
00:38:45,800 --> 00:38:48,360
Speaker 1: I was sorry about that a little So you're the

637
00:38:48,400 --> 00:38:54,480
Speaker 1: substitute teacher, Mr Cranbrook. Mr Cranbrook on the board. Do

638
00:38:54,520 --> 00:38:57,600
Speaker 1: you need me to write it on the board too, dumb? Okay,

639
00:38:58,000 --> 00:39:03,200
Speaker 1: use mice were still in bro Alright, let's get to

640
00:39:03,280 --> 00:39:06,640
Speaker 1: I'm gonna do something yes with an X. Alright, so

641
00:39:06,920 --> 00:39:10,359
Speaker 1: let's let's get through roll call here. Uh, Mitch is here,

642
00:39:10,400 --> 00:39:18,000
Speaker 1: and so's Carol. Mitch McConnell. Yeah, he's here. Raise your hand, Mitch. Okay, absent,

643
00:39:19,320 --> 00:39:25,120
Speaker 1: Carol DeWitt, she's here. She raise your hand, Carol. Oh, really,

644
00:39:25,360 --> 00:39:27,440
Speaker 1: well she should do in the class next time. Absent. Hey,

645
00:39:27,480 --> 00:39:29,880
Speaker 1: I got a question, Cranbrook. Was that what it was?

646
00:39:30,200 --> 00:39:32,160
Speaker 1: Are you like a person? Are you just so much

647
00:39:32,200 --> 00:39:36,680
Speaker 1: a hamsters in a person's suit? You sure? Can you

648
00:39:36,760 --> 00:39:39,040
Speaker 1: prove it? Here's a picture of me doing a human centipede.

649
00:39:39,040 --> 00:39:47,040
Speaker 1: Can a hamster do that? All right? American pop culture

650
00:39:47,080 --> 00:39:51,360
Speaker 1: in history? Okay you left off. Let's see here with

651
00:39:51,480 --> 00:39:57,600
Speaker 1: the Kardashians emergence. That correct? Yeah, okay, So Kim Kardashian

652
00:39:58,000 --> 00:39:59,920
Speaker 1: is a president of the United States of the mayor,

653
00:40:00,440 --> 00:40:05,319
Speaker 1: all right, and she has uh now started a proxy war.

654
00:40:05,960 --> 00:40:08,279
Speaker 1: Anybody know what that is. It's a war that is

655
00:40:08,360 --> 00:40:12,520
Speaker 1: not actually in the front of Okay, it's so what

656
00:40:12,640 --> 00:40:15,040
Speaker 1: it is is there's one war that's going to answer,

657
00:40:18,160 --> 00:40:21,000
Speaker 1: are you Mitch? Yeah, you didn't raise your hand. I

658
00:40:21,120 --> 00:40:23,360
Speaker 1: wasn't in the room at the time, So you just

659
00:40:23,600 --> 00:40:25,880
Speaker 1: entered this room and heard my question and decided to

660
00:40:25,920 --> 00:40:27,919
Speaker 1: answer it. Well, you know what, here's a little piece

661
00:40:27,920 --> 00:40:29,600
Speaker 1: of paper ones to go to the principal's office. I

662
00:40:29,840 --> 00:40:31,799
Speaker 1: I mean, I might just be a couple of minutes leep,

663
00:40:31,840 --> 00:40:33,680
Speaker 1: but I'm a student of this class. Yeah, you are late,

664
00:40:33,719 --> 00:40:35,839
Speaker 1: so why don't you go see the principle? All right?

665
00:40:35,880 --> 00:40:38,160
Speaker 1: Why were you sitting over here this time? Well, I

666
00:40:38,239 --> 00:40:41,880
Speaker 1: got to I was barely late. I mean he just

667
00:40:42,000 --> 00:40:44,800
Speaker 1: finished roll call seconds before. It was the first question

668
00:40:44,880 --> 00:40:48,960
Speaker 1: I could tell by the tenacity in the room. Mitch.

669
00:40:49,000 --> 00:40:51,400
Speaker 1: It's always odd that you seem to show up. You

670
00:40:51,480 --> 00:40:53,920
Speaker 1: show up real late to class, and it's it's starting

671
00:40:53,960 --> 00:40:57,600
Speaker 1: to concern us. Is that a mouse that getting here?

672
00:40:58,160 --> 00:41:02,880
Speaker 1: I'll get it all right. Thank you? Is the Mrs Johnson,

673
00:41:02,960 --> 00:41:04,960
Speaker 1: she's the head of the science department. I don't want

674
00:41:04,960 --> 00:41:06,320
Speaker 1: to know what she does with the mice. When she

675
00:41:06,360 --> 00:41:07,960
Speaker 1: gets I'll tell you what I do with the mice.

676
00:41:08,040 --> 00:41:11,560
Speaker 1: And I know I told you I don't want to know. Okay, Well,

677
00:41:11,680 --> 00:41:13,440
Speaker 1: what if I was to tell you that I night

678
00:41:13,760 --> 00:41:20,160
Speaker 1: a nightwing night uh nightingale? Uh, that you moonlight? Thank you, principal,

679
00:41:21,160 --> 00:41:31,960
Speaker 1: that you nightingale? Yes, um, it's me, yes, what is it,

680
00:41:32,040 --> 00:41:35,640
Speaker 1: Mrs Johnson? The tenacity in the room is getting out

681
00:41:35,680 --> 00:41:38,120
Speaker 1: of control. We're getting reports from multiple students. I got

682
00:41:38,160 --> 00:41:43,440
Speaker 1: to three texts that the tenacity of the classroom. Do

683
00:41:43,520 --> 00:41:46,000
Speaker 1: you mean the temperature? No, the tenacity. I have three

684
00:41:46,040 --> 00:41:50,440
Speaker 1: texts from students caught in Mr Cransberg's classroom, and they

685
00:41:50,480 --> 00:41:52,959
Speaker 1: say the tenacity is off the chart. Mitch, you gotta

686
00:41:52,960 --> 00:41:55,319
Speaker 1: get to class. All your mice are falling out. I'm trying,

687
00:41:55,400 --> 00:41:59,200
Speaker 1: I'm trying. Let's just get there. Okay, Okay, you need

688
00:41:59,280 --> 00:42:04,120
Speaker 1: to come back and get a good grade. Okay, alright, absolutely,

689
00:42:05,080 --> 00:42:07,560
Speaker 1: it's the first thing that's on my goal list. All right,

690
00:42:07,640 --> 00:42:13,880
Speaker 1: let's go over human words. Okay, human words, alright, Nightingale, Nightingale? Tenacity?

691
00:42:14,800 --> 00:42:17,120
Speaker 1: Stick on Nightingale? Because I think I used it wrong.

692
00:42:17,680 --> 00:42:19,640
Speaker 1: Why you still doing in the locker room? Jim's out

693
00:42:19,640 --> 00:42:23,120
Speaker 1: of started quick click click, it's important. What's Nightingale? I'm

694
00:42:23,160 --> 00:42:25,560
Speaker 1: not sure. I just heard it. I'm only hamsters in

695
00:42:25,600 --> 00:42:28,839
Speaker 1: this suit ship. Do you know about tenacity? No, I've

696
00:42:28,880 --> 00:42:31,920
Speaker 1: just heard about it. Okay, alight, all right, So i'm

697
00:42:32,280 --> 00:42:34,560
Speaker 1: you you, and you you're on my team. And then

698
00:42:34,640 --> 00:42:37,200
Speaker 1: you picked the other people for your dodgeball group. Goddamn it,

699
00:42:38,920 --> 00:42:41,799
Speaker 1: what you get? But you get three picks all at once? Yeah,

700
00:42:41,960 --> 00:42:49,040
Speaker 1: take the top three. Yeah, sorry, man, you got the class. Alright, fine,

701
00:42:49,080 --> 00:42:51,239
Speaker 1: I'll take the weird kid with the mice sticking out

702
00:42:51,280 --> 00:42:53,360
Speaker 1: of his foot and the kid over there who's always

703
00:42:53,400 --> 00:43:01,040
Speaker 1: on the treadmill. Hey, all right, do it. Oh man,

704
00:43:01,960 --> 00:43:07,840
Speaker 1: there's mice coming on your stomach. Pause these guys together. Okay,

705
00:43:07,960 --> 00:43:13,319
Speaker 1: what is this game any more? Balls? Hold on, let

706
00:43:13,400 --> 00:43:16,080
Speaker 1: me gather myself up. What the fuck is this? What

707
00:43:16,160 --> 00:43:18,080
Speaker 1: do you mean? What is this? You have mice coming

708
00:43:18,080 --> 00:43:19,759
Speaker 1: out your Tom Tom and you keep rubbing them back

709
00:43:19,760 --> 00:43:22,360
Speaker 1: in there. They're not coming out of my chick and

710
00:43:22,560 --> 00:43:25,640
Speaker 1: mice came out of your stomach. I'm poor, okay, I'm

711
00:43:25,760 --> 00:43:31,759
Speaker 1: poor poor. You're not poor school. Okay, well, then you

712
00:43:31,800 --> 00:43:34,200
Speaker 1: should understand that sometimes you have mice in your clothes.

713
00:43:35,400 --> 00:43:37,160
Speaker 1: The game is paused, right, I can go ahead and

714
00:43:37,200 --> 00:43:42,640
Speaker 1: take a swig of water from this upside down Listen,

715
00:43:42,680 --> 00:43:44,279
Speaker 1: Please don't make a big deal out of it. I've

716
00:43:44,280 --> 00:43:47,520
Speaker 1: already got body dysmorphia as it is. Okay, you wouldn't

717
00:43:47,560 --> 00:43:50,040
Speaker 1: know if you had body I do. Okay. When I

718
00:43:50,160 --> 00:43:52,719
Speaker 1: look in the mirror, I don't you see a boy

719
00:43:52,800 --> 00:43:56,520
Speaker 1: covered in rats? Because that's reality. Freak. No, I don't

720
00:43:56,560 --> 00:44:00,080
Speaker 1: see that alright, kids, welcome to small engine repair. I

721
00:44:00,440 --> 00:44:05,120
Speaker 1: I was always a professor wench, and today I'm gonna

722
00:44:05,239 --> 00:44:11,200
Speaker 1: show my first name is professor. Fuck you sir. All right,

723
00:44:11,640 --> 00:44:17,640
Speaker 1: So so small engine repair. Let's get to it here. Okay,

724
00:44:17,800 --> 00:44:20,160
Speaker 1: take it easy, take it easier. I'll bust you down

725
00:44:20,200 --> 00:44:23,239
Speaker 1: to JB wrestling all right. Now, as you can see

726
00:44:23,280 --> 00:44:26,000
Speaker 1: on this part of the engine is where we keep

727
00:44:26,080 --> 00:44:30,080
Speaker 1: all of the engine's feelings. And you know, like this

728
00:44:30,239 --> 00:44:33,040
Speaker 1: is the part where the engine can feel scared or

729
00:44:33,360 --> 00:44:39,960
Speaker 1: vulnerable or uh you know, not as much as I

730
00:44:40,000 --> 00:44:43,840
Speaker 1: know about therapy. Um. So here is what's going on.

731
00:44:45,640 --> 00:44:47,560
Speaker 1: I'm trying to teach you how to fix an engine, kids,

732
00:44:47,560 --> 00:44:49,920
Speaker 1: and you gotta learn how to do it by feeling

733
00:44:49,960 --> 00:44:52,239
Speaker 1: it out. Okay. So this part of the engine is

734
00:44:52,320 --> 00:44:57,960
Speaker 1: called the uh what's it called the rattler, and it's

735
00:44:57,960 --> 00:45:03,040
Speaker 1: the part that rattles around my dad. You know what,

736
00:45:03,200 --> 00:45:07,480
Speaker 1: everyone's got a rattler. You know, maybe dyslexia is your rattler. Okay,

737
00:45:07,640 --> 00:45:10,560
Speaker 1: you gotta fight that rattler and then and make it

738
00:45:11,000 --> 00:45:14,839
Speaker 1: gel with the rest of the machine, which is I'm

739
00:45:14,920 --> 00:45:18,560
Speaker 1: saying that the most important relationship you can have is

740
00:45:18,600 --> 00:45:24,960
Speaker 1: your relationship with you and small engine prepare, sir um

741
00:45:25,640 --> 00:45:27,239
Speaker 1: sort of say this, but we're gonna actually have to

742
00:45:27,280 --> 00:45:32,120
Speaker 1: let you go. Why am I teaching it's not only

743
00:45:32,160 --> 00:45:34,680
Speaker 1: an Orthodox? Good first guest, Sorry, I just overheard that

744
00:45:35,360 --> 00:45:38,880
Speaker 1: just making copies. Don't you can't fire me for religious reasons.

745
00:45:39,040 --> 00:45:42,320
Speaker 1: I wasn't firing you for religious I think if you

746
00:45:42,440 --> 00:45:47,520
Speaker 1: just called my teaching style an Orthodox, Okay, I'm not

747
00:45:47,640 --> 00:45:50,080
Speaker 1: your ally, sir. Listen on a skille from one to ten.

748
00:45:50,160 --> 00:45:53,359
Speaker 1: I know about it too, about everything. That's not enough.

749
00:45:53,520 --> 00:45:55,879
Speaker 1: Well it is where I'm from. Okay, well you're from.

750
00:45:55,960 --> 00:45:58,759
Speaker 1: That's not enough. Okay. I was born on a boat,

751
00:45:59,160 --> 00:46:02,160
Speaker 1: So there you go. So you're born and he's talking

752
00:46:02,239 --> 00:46:06,680
Speaker 1: in circles. I'm just I'm going to be I'm reaching

753
00:46:06,880 --> 00:46:10,480
Speaker 1: out to these kids. I'm teaching them practical life skills. Yeah, well,

754
00:46:10,480 --> 00:46:12,360
Speaker 1: I guess what when they have to build that engine

755
00:46:12,480 --> 00:46:14,920
Speaker 1: and see that cargo down the track, I guarantee they're

756
00:46:14,920 --> 00:46:17,440
Speaker 1: going to explode and you're gonna be picking up all

757
00:46:17,480 --> 00:46:20,879
Speaker 1: the pieces of those kids. But the promotional intelligence will

758
00:46:21,000 --> 00:46:25,200
Speaker 1: be higher, it'll be higher minded after a car. Everyone

759
00:46:25,280 --> 00:46:27,120
Speaker 1: so to be able to process their feelings as they're

760
00:46:27,160 --> 00:46:30,080
Speaker 1: being just completely complete question. You guys, ever been in

761
00:46:30,120 --> 00:46:33,600
Speaker 1: a car accident all right afterwards? Do you feel like,

762
00:46:34,040 --> 00:46:36,840
Speaker 1: oh I could just be mean everybody and not be

763
00:46:36,960 --> 00:46:44,800
Speaker 1: empathetic at all? What exactly engines are feelings? Hey, students,

764
00:46:44,880 --> 00:46:48,279
Speaker 1: I'm taking over as your professor. I'm a professor or

765
00:46:48,360 --> 00:46:51,719
Speaker 1: not one hippo in a suit. You you look like

766
00:46:51,840 --> 00:46:57,200
Speaker 1: a hippopotami. The jig is up. But I still gotta

767
00:46:57,320 --> 00:47:00,160
Speaker 1: teach you because you gotta learn. I take it those

768
00:47:00,360 --> 00:47:03,759
Speaker 1: more funding because you're a substitute teacher. Do we really

769
00:47:03,840 --> 00:47:06,279
Speaker 1: have to learn anything? Can we just watching TV or something?

770
00:47:06,400 --> 00:47:08,640
Speaker 1: That's what I was gonna do. I was gonna put

771
00:47:08,680 --> 00:47:12,920
Speaker 1: on Congo on VHS. Yes, no, wait till you see it.

772
00:47:13,080 --> 00:47:16,200
Speaker 1: You're not gonna say that. Here it is. And if

773
00:47:16,239 --> 00:47:19,600
Speaker 1: you get bored, look at the wall and watch the wire. Uh,

774
00:47:20,160 --> 00:47:24,880
Speaker 1: the wires, the exposed wires. No, the HBO series Omar

775
00:47:25,040 --> 00:47:28,000
Speaker 1: is the best character. You'll enjoy it. Hey, I know

776
00:47:28,080 --> 00:47:30,799
Speaker 1: you're a substitute teacher, but just so you know, Mitch

777
00:47:30,840 --> 00:47:35,120
Speaker 1: and Carol are here. Okay, I'll make a note of it.

778
00:47:36,080 --> 00:47:40,320
Speaker 1: I'll carve it into my skin. What the alright? Children,

779
00:47:40,400 --> 00:47:42,960
Speaker 1: we're listening up on Mr Wench and Lieu of being

780
00:47:43,040 --> 00:47:45,480
Speaker 1: fired up and transferred here to US history. Today, We're

781
00:47:45,480 --> 00:47:48,680
Speaker 1: gonna start with the three branches of legislature, the Nina,

782
00:47:48,960 --> 00:47:51,719
Speaker 1: the Pinta, and the Santa Maria. Who can tell me

783
00:47:51,840 --> 00:47:54,760
Speaker 1: what they know about the Nina branch of the government.

784
00:47:54,840 --> 00:47:57,320
Speaker 1: And though your name used to be professing, what happens?

785
00:47:58,360 --> 00:48:02,480
Speaker 1: He a bust down a history teacher. I think I

786
00:48:02,560 --> 00:48:06,040
Speaker 1: know what it is. Go ahead. The Nina is girl.

787
00:48:07,160 --> 00:48:09,360
Speaker 1: It's the girl branch of the government. That's correct. It

788
00:48:09,480 --> 00:48:13,040
Speaker 1: is the girl branch of the Nina, the girl branch

789
00:48:13,120 --> 00:48:18,080
Speaker 1: of the US government. All girls only, you know? Right

790
00:48:18,360 --> 00:48:21,680
Speaker 1: in the Santa Marie is the religious right. That's right,

791
00:48:21,840 --> 00:48:24,719
Speaker 1: that's correct, that's correct. So what who could tell me

792
00:48:24,840 --> 00:48:29,120
Speaker 1: how these three branches check each other's power? Um, the

793
00:48:29,200 --> 00:48:33,000
Speaker 1: girls make sure that the that there's beings for the

794
00:48:33,080 --> 00:48:36,120
Speaker 1: religious right. Well, that's stupid. Anyone else. I don't want

795
00:48:36,160 --> 00:48:39,120
Speaker 1: to sound like I'm calling anyone out in class, but

796
00:48:39,600 --> 00:48:41,320
Speaker 1: Mitch hasn't answered a question in this class in a

797
00:48:41,440 --> 00:48:45,000
Speaker 1: long time. Yea, his body keeps deflating and inflating, and

798
00:48:45,080 --> 00:48:47,520
Speaker 1: this mice all around his feet. Guys, let's try to

799
00:48:47,600 --> 00:48:52,680
Speaker 1: focus on the government instead. Of Mitch. Mitch shoes are

800
00:48:52,719 --> 00:48:55,880
Speaker 1: overflowing with chet. I'm sorry you've been singled out. I'm sorry,

801
00:48:55,960 --> 00:48:58,200
Speaker 1: I'm falling a ball. You do look like on the

802
00:48:58,280 --> 00:49:00,640
Speaker 1: inside you're sort of a small engine. And then we're

803
00:49:00,719 --> 00:49:03,759
Speaker 1: all poor. But he's covered in rat I feel like

804
00:49:03,840 --> 00:49:07,720
Speaker 1: I'm falling apart. He may not be covered in rats. Alright,

805
00:49:08,280 --> 00:49:13,560
Speaker 1: he meant he's shrinking. It was just a pile of clothes.

806
00:49:13,640 --> 00:49:17,720
Speaker 1: Oh my god. Alright, real quick quiz question. What branch

807
00:49:17,800 --> 00:49:23,520
Speaker 1: of the US could help Mitch in this situation? What beans?

808
00:49:24,000 --> 00:49:25,719
Speaker 1: I don't know. No, I'm only gonna give you half

809
00:49:25,760 --> 00:49:34,120
Speaker 1: credit for Maria. Possibly girls only, they don't like guys.

810
00:49:34,280 --> 00:49:39,960
Speaker 1: The judicial bridge, excuse me, the judicial bridge can help him.

811
00:49:42,320 --> 00:49:47,360
Speaker 1: Abraham Lincoln, where did you come from? I've been in

812
00:49:47,400 --> 00:49:50,320
Speaker 1: the back of the classes whole time, the coast of

813
00:49:50,360 --> 00:49:54,040
Speaker 1: Abraham Lincoln's in the class that I look at that.

814
00:49:54,120 --> 00:49:58,040
Speaker 1: I thought, this is a horrible school and you're not

815
00:49:58,239 --> 00:50:01,160
Speaker 1: teaching these kids correctly. What do you mean, I'm just

816
00:50:01,280 --> 00:50:04,239
Speaker 1: teaching about the branches of the government. Those are the

817
00:50:05,640 --> 00:50:11,360
Speaker 1: Santa Maria. Those aren't the branches the judicial? What? What?

818
00:50:12,320 --> 00:50:17,800
Speaker 1: Bless you? What? Okay? I thought, Lincoln I know. I

819
00:50:17,880 --> 00:50:20,640
Speaker 1: thought you just sneezed. What did you say a word? Yes?

820
00:50:21,000 --> 00:50:24,040
Speaker 1: What are you talking about? What Abraham Lincoln tell us

821
00:50:24,040 --> 00:50:26,200
Speaker 1: about the branches? You only told us two of them,

822
00:50:26,200 --> 00:50:31,400
Speaker 1: the judicial, executive and the congressional. I think that's the

823
00:50:31,520 --> 00:50:34,920
Speaker 1: last one. I'm pretty sure it's whatever said it with

824
00:50:34,960 --> 00:50:37,560
Speaker 1: a lot of tenacity. So I believe. I believe everything

825
00:50:39,280 --> 00:50:41,640
Speaker 1: in the head, and I kind of jumbled some stuff.

826
00:50:42,400 --> 00:50:45,000
Speaker 1: That's a good point. The tenacity in this classroom is

827
00:50:45,200 --> 00:50:48,640
Speaker 1: way too high, way too high. Let's bring it down.

828
00:50:49,600 --> 00:50:53,120
Speaker 1: Not I heard you Nightingale as an engine therapist. All right,

829
00:50:53,200 --> 00:51:04,360
Speaker 1: you know what that's racist, boy, it's uh, thank you.

830
00:51:05,239 --> 00:51:08,279
Speaker 1: Let's say we're up to Berrand Norman. I'm the voice

831
00:51:08,320 --> 00:51:10,680
Speaker 1: of Bullwinkle on the Adventures of Rocky and Bullwinkle on

832
00:51:10,719 --> 00:51:14,400
Speaker 1: Amazon Prime. I'm on Instagram at bed norms and on

833
00:51:14,560 --> 00:51:22,120
Speaker 1: Twitter at Brad and Action. Vanessa Raglan Hi, I'm enjoying live.

834
00:51:22,719 --> 00:51:24,839
Speaker 1: You can go to Dynasty typewriter dot com to find

835
00:51:24,880 --> 00:51:28,960
Speaker 1: out about the programming and the popcorn at this historic theater.

836
00:51:30,520 --> 00:51:35,879
Speaker 1: The programming is great, the popcorn even better. Right. Mark Gagliardi,

837
00:51:36,680 --> 00:51:39,600
Speaker 1: I'm at Mark gags on Twitter. I play monthly at

838
00:51:39,640 --> 00:51:44,640
Speaker 1: the Lovely Dynasty Typewriter Theater. Yeah, and um check out

839
00:51:44,800 --> 00:51:48,040
Speaker 1: Blood and Treasure now streaming on Amazon Prime. Oh yeah,

840
00:51:48,200 --> 00:51:50,640
Speaker 1: James Heeney, I'm James Heeney. You can check out the

841
00:51:50,719 --> 00:51:54,080
Speaker 1: Real James Heeney dot com for James Heeney type contact

842
00:51:54,719 --> 00:51:57,719
Speaker 1: And the second and fourth Wednesdays at the Westside Comedy Theater.

843
00:51:57,760 --> 00:52:01,080
Speaker 1: It's bar supply and if you say James heene six times,

844
00:52:01,120 --> 00:52:06,440
Speaker 1: he will appear about the reviews. Oh, I mean I

845
00:52:06,520 --> 00:52:08,319
Speaker 1: did it at the beginning of Turn On the Heat.

846
00:52:09,520 --> 00:52:11,680
Speaker 1: If you're still listening, you must enjoy it because this

847
00:52:11,800 --> 00:52:14,719
Speaker 1: is the rap party. Put a review up there, gives

848
00:52:14,760 --> 00:52:18,480
Speaker 1: some stars and some some words of reviews. Nice Joey

849
00:52:18,640 --> 00:52:25,000
Speaker 1: Greare drink more water. Yeah, don't go to a socialist, guys,

850
00:52:26,719 --> 00:52:28,400
Speaker 1: that's the main thing you pass out. You can't be

851
00:52:28,520 --> 00:52:29,879
Speaker 1: on it, so you know what I mean. That's true

852
00:52:30,239 --> 00:52:34,160
Speaker 1: every sense I'm at Cole Stratton, at Stratton Colera, at

853
00:52:34,200 --> 00:52:36,319
Speaker 1: col Stratton, different social media. It's come see Pretty Pretty

854
00:52:36,320 --> 00:52:38,200
Speaker 1: Pony the first Thursday of every month at ten pm

855
00:52:38,239 --> 00:52:40,480
Speaker 1: at the West Side Comedy Theater and sort of Beautiful

856
00:52:40,520 --> 00:52:46,440
Speaker 1: Santa Monica, California. Let's say art your Doug Babe, our

857
00:52:46,520 --> 00:52:52,000
Speaker 1: post sound design artist Raphael Burrito, our producer Sophie Lichtman's,

858
00:52:53,000 --> 00:52:58,120
Speaker 1: and of course I heart media. We all encourage you

859
00:52:58,239 --> 00:53:00,680
Speaker 1: to write a review, tell everyone you ever met about

860
00:53:00,680 --> 00:53:03,520
Speaker 1: the podcast, and write to us with your scene suggestions

861
00:53:03,560 --> 00:53:06,440
Speaker 1: and whatever else. At your name here at alchemy this

862
00:53:06,600 --> 00:53:10,279
Speaker 1: dot com. That's your name here at alchemy this dot com.

863
00:53:10,680 --> 00:53:11,560
Speaker 1: Until next time,