Speaker 1: You're listening to Comedy Central.
Speaker 2: It's spring break time. I know many of our college
Speaker 2: aid viewers are watching us right now from the vomit
Speaker 2: strewn comfort of a day's in in Panama City, but
Speaker 2: I want to let you know out there there are
Speaker 2: dangers lurking in the seemingly innocent world of underage bacchanalia.
Speaker 2: A new study by the American Medical Association reports of
Speaker 2: female spring Breakers passed out, half got sick, and thirteen
Speaker 2: percent had sex with more than one partner, but only
Speaker 2: after a gang of crafty nerds rewired the sign at
Speaker 2: the Hotel coral essex.
Speaker 3: Nerd Lord.
Speaker 4: Lords.
Speaker 2: Even though you shout nerds, they keep with their tomfoolery.
Speaker 2: Even more shocking, ten percent of female spring Breakers had
Speaker 2: public or group set that they later regretted, which means
Speaker 2: ninety percent had public or group sex that in hindsight
Speaker 2: they were really glad they did.
Speaker 4: We like you the odds.
Speaker 2: Psychologist Robin Goodman told CBS the early show debauchery is
Speaker 2: a major issue.
Speaker 5: Although sex and drugs have been going down in the
Speaker 5: population of teenagers, for girls, that's going up. Girls are
Speaker 5: really now catching up to boys, and some of these
Speaker 5: bad behaviors and fun. Unfortunately is morphing into dangerous at times.
Speaker 2: How dangerous a problem is it? But to put it
Speaker 2: in perspective, this is the story that it came right
Speaker 2: in front of Jenny.
Speaker 6: Let's good, Robin Goodman, thank you very much.
Speaker 4: I'm next going to talk about fat pets.
Speaker 7: That's pretty dangerous.
Speaker 2: College girls gone bad, overweight Kuckispaniel switching gears to travel.
Speaker 2: You know, at this time of year, many young people
Speaker 2: have a particular tourist destination on their minds. Tonight, Dan
Speaker 2: Baccadal heads south to join in the fun.
Speaker 6: It's spring in Florida, and that means one thing.
Speaker 8: Spring break is a great marketing opportunity for Corporate America.
Speaker 6: Woo my Gt. Spright rag. Yes, it's the time of
Speaker 6: year when marketers from every corner of the country head
Speaker 6: to the beach to let their hair down and take
Speaker 6: in the natural beauty of the eighteen to twenty four
Speaker 6: year old demographic.
Speaker 8: The advantage of marketing at spring break is that you
Speaker 8: have students who are in a social environment and so
Speaker 8: atmosphere that were running off the class but kind of
Speaker 8: have time to look at products.
Speaker 9: Right. So, on college campuses there's only a fifty percent
Speaker 9: chance they're going to be stoned and impressionable.
Speaker 6: Here you gotta guarantee.
Speaker 8: I don't know if you're guaranteed they're all going to
Speaker 8: be wasted.
Speaker 7: They're pretty wasted.
Speaker 8: There certainly is a fair amount of alcohol consumption at
Speaker 8: spring break.
Speaker 6: High five.
Speaker 7: Right on.
Speaker 9: All that booze helps the students explore sophisticated new sense,
Speaker 9: make lifelong commitments to credit cards, and romp around on
Speaker 9: the National Guards realistic inflatable Iraq war simulator.
Speaker 6: But surprisingly some fine reason to complain.
Speaker 10: I find it absolutely despicable that here we are on
Speaker 10: the beach with college students, eighteen year olds, barely old
Speaker 10: enough to vote, never had a job, and here are
Speaker 10: the credit card companies preying upon their naivete, giving them
Speaker 10: more credit that they can ever afford to pay back.
Speaker 11: Whatever.
Speaker 10: NERD, I like to think of myself as a conscientious
Speaker 10: acting nerd.
Speaker 6: We you know, we don't like nerd, but the kids
Speaker 6: themselves are way into it.
Speaker 9: Sub dudes, what's going on?
Speaker 6: You just hanging out consuming some goods and services?
Speaker 12: Yeah?
Speaker 6: Hey dude, yeah, what do you say we bust out here?
Speaker 6: Go get some low interest debt refinancing.
Speaker 13: Ah, nah, I don't want to do that.
Speaker 6: Come on, man, it's spring break.
Speaker 7: I do not look around. You want to go out
Speaker 7: and get debt financing? Yes, man, you should do that.
Speaker 6: Man, you're wasting your spring break.
Speaker 5: Yeah, but I'd rather just get drop.
Speaker 7: And have fun.
Speaker 6: Hey, thank you. Get the dude. Dude, I totally got
Speaker 6: her number in a pretty good sense of her purchasing power.
Speaker 6: Spring Break marketing is a success because people like mister
Speaker 6: you know exactly what kids like.
Speaker 8: We really want to show them that a brand understands
Speaker 8: them as an individual.
Speaker 6: Let's pretend I'm a co ed on spring break and
Speaker 6: you try to market to me.
Speaker 8: Okay, hi there, how are you enjoyed that?
Speaker 6: You're stupid?
Speaker 7: Why are you wearing that?
Speaker 8: I don't think you make a very good imitation?
Speaker 6: Oh what I have to show my just gets free?
Speaker 7: Stop?
Speaker 8: No, okay, I don't think this is make me very comfortable.
Speaker 6: This co ed was sold. I was gonna have the
Speaker 6: ultimate spring break first stop free roto v mentholated eye drops.
Speaker 6: It's like a fire and ice in my eyeballs. Then
Speaker 6: it was time to wash it all down with some
Speaker 6: complimentary fruit flavored to sani jo.
Speaker 13: I've never done that much free water in my life.
Speaker 6: I soon found myself signing things i'd never sign at home,
Speaker 6: Master Card, sprink break. Yeah. Sadly, my spring break ended
Speaker 6: like everyone else's twenty nine point nine percent APR.
Speaker 9: What have they done?
Speaker 6: The only way to cure this hangover was to get
Speaker 6: drunk and bang some eighteen year olds Dan bacadal over right.
Speaker 3: Back, Yeah, South, sound out sound sound sounds out, Yes,
Speaker 3: spread rag man, sound.
Speaker 6: The world around us.
Speaker 2: Let's be honest, We've got some of our own problems
Speaker 2: right here in America.
Speaker 14: Every year, thousands of college students packed their bags. They
Speaker 14: head to the beach and beach destinations for the most
Speaker 14: coveted week of the year at spring Break. We continue
Speaker 14: to expose what's really going on in spring break in America.
Speaker 2: Yes, America's oldest hall monitor, Sean Hannity, dedicated not one,
Speaker 2: not two, but five different shows on the horrors of
Speaker 2: spring Break, including the entire hour on Friday, featuring a
Speaker 2: paddel of outrage experts there to expose this annual event.
Speaker 2: You will believe what they found, because.
Speaker 14: You know, you have people having sex on the beach in.
Speaker 10: Public, the abundance of the OVID drinking these young ladies
Speaker 10: who are disgracing themselves by running around acting like that.
Speaker 4: Women take the tops off dead young girls standing on
Speaker 4: the box with no bottom on.
Speaker 6: These sloppy, drunken dudes down.
Speaker 14: There, guys were literally taking the pantsil. Yes, was high
Speaker 14: as a kite, a lot of drinking, drugs, risky behavior,
Speaker 14: sometimes with tragic results.
Speaker 2: Shortly after filming that piece, that young woman out her
Speaker 2: left but cheet doctor say she may never t work again.
Speaker 2: Perhaps she'll have to file for trkmen's comp. So you
Speaker 2: did a week of shows on this What wisdom did
Speaker 2: the panel impart?
Speaker 6: My daughter, There's no way in hell she's going there.
Speaker 2: Well that makes sense. I assume the same goes for
Speaker 2: your sons.
Speaker 6: But with my sons, I hope they have a great time.
Speaker 6: Men and women are equal, but we're different. If I
Speaker 6: had a college son, I'd say, here's one hundred bucks.
Speaker 6: Have fun.
Speaker 2: Okay, let's just all agree that that is sexist and
Speaker 2: just move on to the more pressing issue. Here one
Speaker 2: hundred bucks. He's going to spring break, not Dave and Busters.
Speaker 2: Look you're gonna get a call three hours into spring break. Hey,
Speaker 2: thanks for one hundred bucks.
Speaker 6: It got me to Delaware.
Speaker 4: Now I'm just.
Speaker 2: Sitting here blowing truckers trying to get down to Tampa.
Speaker 2: I don't know what I'm gonna have to do to
Speaker 2: get a home.
Speaker 5: Tell MoMA, mama.
Speaker 2: Now, some of the more skeptical viewers might think this
Speaker 2: is less of a news story and more of a
Speaker 2: reason to spend a week running wildly inappropriate TNA footage
Speaker 2: alongside pundits tisking said footage. But you'd only be ninety
Speaker 2: nine point nine percent right, you see, this is also
Speaker 2: an in depth cautionary tale about what can happen when
Speaker 2: children aren't properly raised.
Speaker 1: Where are their parents is what I want to know.
Speaker 14: Harns today really needs to get a grip on what's
Speaker 14: going on.
Speaker 4: It's up to the parents to instruct the kids.
Speaker 10: It's time for parents to start parenting.
Speaker 14: It really down in parents.
Speaker 2: What kind of rotten, neglectful parents would allow their kids
Speaker 2: to even go on spring break?
Speaker 1: One time, I went to cancun in college.
Speaker 8: I went to Acapoca and I went to South Beach.
Speaker 6: I went to Auburn University in the South and spring
Speaker 6: break was huge for all of us.
Speaker 7: I went to Syracuse University.
Speaker 4: It was a party school.
Speaker 14: I had a great time.
Speaker 4: I went on spring break. I went to Panama City
Speaker 4: in nineteen ninety two.
Speaker 6: I was at Sharky's. I may have gotten over served
Speaker 6: one or two nights.
Speaker 14: I've been at the Flora Bama.
Speaker 4: I've been down there.
Speaker 14: You know all those I know all those places, right right?
Speaker 7: You do?
Speaker 2: So what kind of parents let their kids go to
Speaker 2: spring break?
Speaker 1: All right?
Speaker 6: Your parents? So you just don't want kids today?
Speaker 12: Do you?
Speaker 2: Clearly don't want kids today doing the terrible things you
Speaker 2: have such fond memories of doing. And I guess if
Speaker 2: they are going to do it, there is one thing
Speaker 2: you would like them to know they're doing it wrong.
Speaker 14: What we used to do when we were young. Put
Speaker 14: a boom hoole, hold it up, open it up, and
Speaker 14: that would's calling shotguns.
Speaker 7: Shoot that cop.
Speaker 6: This is called ahead funnel.
Speaker 7: They have to lean back.
Speaker 15: It opens up their throat and then the beerful literally.
Speaker 4: Chloe, and that's just walking upend your knees a little bit.
Speaker 4: That's the whole trip.
Speaker 2: Yeah yeah, yeah, yeah yeah yeah.
Speaker 13: Then you need a little bit.
Speaker 15: Yeah yeah yeah.
Speaker 2: Show them how terrible it is. That's honestly the weirdest
Speaker 2: week at TV. I've ever seen, but perhaps there's always
Speaker 2: the best advice on staying safe came from Fox News
Speaker 2: liberal Robert Beckle.
Speaker 1: I used a lot of cocaine in my life, and
Speaker 1: I've got good cocaine and bad cocaine.
Speaker 11: I'll guarantee you the stuff they're selling down here is bad.
Speaker 12: So remember, kids, stay in school.
Speaker 2: Get better parents, and don't go to spring break. But
Speaker 2: if you do, bring your cocaine from home. I can't
Speaker 2: stress this enough. When you go on spring break, bring
Speaker 2: the cocaine you use at home, the cocaine you trust.
Speaker 2: And that's the more you do blow.
Speaker 3: Let's kick things off with spring Break, the one week
Speaker 3: a year when college students drink and party. This is
Speaker 3: now the second year that spring Break has fallen during coronavirus,
Speaker 3: but things are a little different now. At this time
Speaker 3: last year, many people hadn't started taking the pandemic seriously yet.
Speaker 3: But this year, they've stopped taking the pandemic seriously too soon.
Speaker 12: The spring break state of emergency Overnight, more chaos from
Speaker 12: Miami Beach, a wild weekend of mostly maskless people packing
Speaker 12: the streets, police shooting pepperballs to disperse the crowd, setting
Speaker 12: off a stampede. More than a thousand people arrested there.
Speaker 12: Since the start of spring.
Speaker 15: Breaks, Maskless crowns descended into the entertainment district over the weekend,
Speaker 15: dancing on colors, drinking in the streets.
Speaker 9: Defying an eight pm curfew issued Saturday.
Speaker 15: Tourists have been packing this popular spring break destination since February,
Speaker 15: back when Florida's Governor Ron de Santis declared the state
Speaker 15: of quote oasis of freedom from coronavirus restrictions.
Speaker 7: Governor Ron de Sants's making the flue date no mandate.
Speaker 7: We could come ass and club.
Speaker 11: One guy dressed as the Joker climbed on top of
Speaker 11: a car with an American flag, tossed dollar bills and
Speaker 11: declared COVID's over.
Speaker 3: Oh oh wow, the new Snyder cut is weird as hell.
Speaker 3: But let's be clear here, COVID is not over all right,
Speaker 3: Some random dude can't declare the end of the pandemic
Speaker 3: by dressing up like the Joker and making it rain.
Speaker 7: It's not a thing.
Speaker 3: Only doctor Fauci can declare the end of the pandemic
Speaker 3: by dressing up like the Joker and making it rain.
Speaker 3: And look, you can't totally blame the masculist partying on
Speaker 3: college students. I mean, this is what's gonna happen after
Speaker 3: Florida's governor called the state a quote freedom oasis. Like
Speaker 3: if I put a Starbucks sign above my apartment door,
Speaker 3: I can't be mad when people show up and try
Speaker 3: to take a shit in my bathroom. But still, there's
Speaker 3: no reason that you can't celebrate spring break and wear
Speaker 3: a mask.
Speaker 7: It can even be part of the fun. I mean,
Speaker 7: just think about how sexy a wet mask contest could be.
Speaker 6: Hmmm.
Speaker 7: I mean, we haven't seen mouse in the year. What's
Speaker 7: under there?
Speaker 2: M m?
Speaker 3: And if we've learned anything from Miami, this is just
Speaker 3: a preview of how much everyone is gonna let loose
Speaker 3: once the pandemic is truly over.
Speaker 7: People have been locked up for too long.
Speaker 13: Once it ends, AND's gonna be drinking and partying, hooking
Speaker 13: up with everyone. It's gonna be so much that it's
Speaker 13: gonna create the next worldwide virus. Yeah, guys are gonna
Speaker 13: be waking up in bed next to a bet like,
Speaker 13: oh oh, I think I did it again.
Speaker 16: Show talk about spring break, the most exciting week of
Speaker 16: the year for college students and gonorrhea gonera.
Speaker 4: Not that bad, of course. One of the hottest spring
Speaker 4: break destinations is Florida, where the beaches are as bountiful
Speaker 4: as the meth dealers. But in recent years the fun
Speaker 4: has been getting dangerously out of hand, and one Florida
Speaker 4: city has had enough.
Speaker 16: Miami Beach is breaking up with spring break, shutting down.
Speaker 10: Spring Break in Miami.
Speaker 14: This year's city officials told those spring breakers to go somewhere.
Speaker 10: Else, restrictions including the closing of the beach at six
Speaker 10: and liquor stores at eight to drive.
Speaker 6: The message home. A public service announcement that's gone viral
Speaker 6: Miami Beach telling rowdy spring breakers it's not us, it's you.
Speaker 4: Maybe we can talk when you're done with your spring
Speaker 4: break phase.
Speaker 16: Miami is shutting down spring break. Where else will college
Speaker 16: students be able to get alcohol poisoning and have terrible
Speaker 16: sex with each other? And who is Miami to get
Speaker 16: upset with spring break? One in three people there is
Speaker 16: a DJ are they like, keep it down? I'm trying
Speaker 16: to be super loud over here.
Speaker 7: Now.
Speaker 4: Because of the crackdown, many students have decided to go
Speaker 4: to Fort Lauderdale instead of Miami. But that's not a
Speaker 4: good idea either, because one it's Fort Lauderdale, and two
Speaker 4: the cops there are hassling spring breakers in a way
Speaker 4: that might even be worse.
Speaker 6: Spring Break descending on.
Speaker 4: Footling lauderdel Florida with huge crowds flocking there after Miami
Speaker 4: put in strict curfews and restrictions, but Fort Lauderdale police
Speaker 4: are turning the festivities into a possible job.
Speaker 11: Ball brought here just just running the message that we're
Speaker 11: recruiting right now actively for.
Speaker 6: All police officers.
Speaker 2: Sing alongs, trivia games, the Fort Lauderdale police having fun
Speaker 2: with spring breakers?
Speaker 8: Are you guys ready?
Speaker 13: Yeah, all right, you got your thinking caps on?
Speaker 14: You're ready to go.
Speaker 4: Obviously they don't have their thinking caps on, then they'd
Speaker 4: get a thinking cap tan line, But I'm sorry, do
Speaker 4: you know how bad your spring break has to be
Speaker 4: to want to become a cop? Afterwards? Usually when college
Speaker 4: students get blackout drunk, they wake up with a penis
Speaker 4: sharpeat on their face. These kids are waking up like
Speaker 4: why do I have a police badge?
Speaker 16: How do you even try to convince spring breakers to
Speaker 16: become cops? Are you just like walking down the beach?
Speaker 16: You guys are in good shape? Would you be willing
Speaker 16: to get out of shape?
Speaker 4: Hey, I say you're blowing. I see you're blowing all
Speaker 4: your parents' money. How'd you like to blow an entire city's.
Speaker 16: Money so you're not so a murder at the moment?
Speaker 16: Would you like to get paid to not solve a murder?
Speaker 4: I notice you've been sitting doing nothing for six straight hours.
Speaker 4: You want to keep doing that, but with a gun.
Speaker 16: Crush a lot of beer today. I want to keep
Speaker 16: doing that.
Speaker 14: But with a gun.
Speaker 4: Of course, if you don't want good job, does he?
Speaker 7: Of course?
Speaker 4: If you don't want to go to Florida, there are
Speaker 4: literally hundreds of other fun does is of other? There's
Speaker 4: one other fun place for you to go on spring break,
Speaker 4: and that's New Orleans. And to prove the Big Easy
Speaker 4: still knows how to party, here's Fox News with a
Speaker 4: major scoop.
Speaker 1: I had the opportunity to talk to one lady yesterday,
Speaker 1: young lady. She's a senior at Texas Tech, and she
Speaker 1: told me when I asked her what does she do
Speaker 1: the prep for spring break? She says, she applies her
Speaker 1: bronzer and did she does cocaine? And that really goes
Speaker 1: to the heart of this.
Speaker 6: That's some story.
Speaker 2: She applies the bronzer before she does the line of coke.
Speaker 7: She wants to look good before she gets hot.
Speaker 14: I never heard it.
Speaker 2: Before, right, that's crazy, And she admitted that.
Speaker 4: Oh stop, I mean this. This isn't the first time
Speaker 4: Fox has talked to someone who's abusing bronzer and cocaine.
Speaker 4: They've been covering the trumps for nine years.
Speaker 7: Take it.
Speaker 4: At least she's doing it in the right order.
Speaker 7: I mean this.
Speaker 4: One time I snorted bronzer and applied cocaine and it
Speaker 4: totally ruined my grandmother's funeral. But the point is spring
Speaker 4: break can be risky. People are abusing drugs, they're getting
Speaker 4: in the trouble, they're considering careers and law enforcement. It's
Speaker 4: frightening stuff. And that's why, for the sake of yourself
Speaker 4: and for your future kids, drop out of college. It's
Speaker 4: the only way you can avoid spring break altogether.
Speaker 16: It's great advice.
Speaker 6: Michael explore more shows from The Daily Show podcast universe
Speaker 6: by searching The Daily Show wherever you get your podcasts.
Speaker 6: Watch The Daily Show week nights at eleven.
Speaker 7: Ten Central on Comedy Central, and.
Speaker 6: Stream full episodes anytime on Paramount plus.
Speaker 14: Paramount podcasts.
Speaker 3: Mm hmm